The ELUL JOURNAL in quest of forgiveness and return Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro, Ph.D. SIMPLY JEWISH FOUNDATION 1
The Elul Journal: In Quest of Forgiveness and Return Table of Contents copyright 2000, 2001 by Rami M. Shapiro INTRODUCTION .......................................................... 5 All rights reserved. No part of this work may be used in any way Selichot/Forgiveness ................................................ 5 without the express written permission of the author. Teshuvah/Returning ................................................. 7 Other Practices ......................................................... 9 Publisher: Simply Jewish Foundation Prayer of Intent....................................................... 10 e-mail: [email protected] ELUL JOURNAL ......................................................... 11 Thanks to Robert and Holly Schwartztol for their generous contribution THE PSALMS .............................................................. 91 in support of Simply Jewish Foundation publications. CHESHBON HA-NEFESH ....................................... 100 About Rami Shapiro ................................................... 103 Design/editing: WordWorks, Inc./ www.franion.com 3 For more about Simply Jewish, visit our website at: www.simplyjewish.com 2
Introduction Elul is the Hebrew month preceding Rosh haShanah. For cen- turies, the 29 days of Elul have been coupled with the Ten Days of Awe (from Rosh haShanah to Yom Kippur) to create a 39-day pe- riod devoted to teshuvah, returning to God, and selichot, request- ing forgiveness. The practice intensifies in the week preceding Rosh haShanah, and a special midnight meditation on forgiveness is held the Saturday before Rosh haShanah to remind us of the impor- tance of teshuvah and selichot for ending the old year and be- ginning the new. We offer this Elul Journal as a support for practicing teshuvah and selichot. The journal contains entries for 39 days plus seven Psalms, one for each day of the week. Each page has two compo- nents: a short text relating to forgiveness and the High Holy Days, which is accompanied by commentary from Reb Yerachmiel ben Yisrael, and the specific assignment to be worked on that day. Space is provided to keep a written account of your experiences. Selichot/Forgiveness Selichot is our quest for forgiveness. There are four steps to selichot: 1. Honestly admit the harm we have caused. 2. Make amends unless doing so causes further harm. 3. Ask forgiveness from those we have hurt. 4. Turn away from that hurtful behavior and do good. Selichot requires that we speak to people directly and ask them for forgiveness. While we may choose to do this in our own way, the traditional formula for requesting forgiveness is this: If I have hurt you in any way, knowingly or unknowingly, advertently or inadvertently, I ask your forgiveness. 45
As we practice selichot, we may discover that some people with Selichot also requires a humbling of ourselves. Recognizing whom we wish to make amends have died. In this case, we can the pain and damage we have caused forces us to reassess any write a letter to them and request forgiveness in writing. The let- claims we may make to righteousness. We like to think of our- ters can then be left at their graveside. If this is not possible, the selves as good and decent, and we tend to overlook those things letters should be sealed in an envelope and saved. we do that may challenge that assessment. Selichot makes no judg- ment of our character and does not require us to abandon the no- Selichot requires a bold, honest, and nonjudgmental look at tion that we are good and decent people. Selichot simply asks us our behavior and the pain and suffering we have caused over the to do good and decent things. past year. Why nonjudgmental? When we make judgments regard- ing the quality of our behavior, we are apt to engage in a conversa- What if the other person refuses to forgive? Ask again. And if tion with ourselves that shifts our attention from admitting guilt to again they refuse? Ask a third time. Our rabbis taught that if after excusing guilt, from taking responsibility to blaming others: “I three sincere attempts to apologize and ask for forgiveness we are would never have said that if she hadn't ... .” When we look at what still unforgiven, we are to consider that our efforts themselves have we have done and the hurt we have caused, we are challenged not earned us forgiveness; we are free from the burden of our past, to judge, but to apologize. even if the other person insists upon clinging to it. We need not let another's refusal to forgive become a stumbling block to our own Selichot generates guilt. Many people feel that guilt is a harm- moral growth. We admitted our error. We made amends. We asked ful emotion. Judaism disagrees. When we are honest about the for forgiveness. We changed our behavior. Nothing more can or should hurts we have caused, we should feel guilty. We feel guilty be- be asked of us. cause our conscience is engaged. We feel guilty because no matter how we try to rationalize our behavior, we know it was wrong. If Teshuvah we wallow in our guilt, we are using it as a narcissistic escape from having to change. But if we honor our guilt as confirmation Teshuvah means returning to God and godliness. How is it of the pain we have caused, it then becomes a catalyst for con- that we became separated from God? In truth, there can be no real structive change. separation from God, for God is everything. We can no more be cut off from God than a wave can be cut off from the ocean. We Guilt leads to contrition. We feel bad and want to make amends. can feel cut off from God, however, when we fail to attend to the Sometimes we can and sometimes we can't. And sometimes even only place and time that God exists: the Here and Now. God is if we can, doing so would only add to the other person's pain. Ehyeh asher Ehyeh, That Which is Happening Now. God is never Selichot practice requires an objective look at what we should and about the past or the future. God is always about the present. should not do to set things right. You and I, however, are not always in the present. We spend What can be mended should be mended. What can't be mended most of our time rummaging through memory that we might is met with tzedakah. If we can't undo the damage we have done, impose what was on what is, or we are dreaming about the fu- at least we can do some good somewhere else through an act of ture to project what was on to what might be. Whether we are financial generosity to those in need. Because we can never be rummaging or dreaming, we are not paying attention to the sure we have recalled and reflected on all the hurt we have caused during the past year, it is customary during this period to give 7 tzedakah daily. 6
present. It is our lack of attention that gives us the feeling of being awake to your unity with God. Practicing teshuvah in this formal separate from God. way will make it easier for you to practice teshuvah in the mo- ment-by-moment experience of your daily life. When we are present to the moment, we notice the truth of that moment—the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual Other Elul Practices dynamic that is unfolding at that moment. It may be that we have to do something that frightens us, so fear is the truth of the mo- In addition to the practices of teshuvah and selichot, there are a ment. It may be that someone is asking us for advice, so compas- number of other traditions associated with this period of the Jew- sion and objectivity are the truth of the moment. When we know ish calendar that are used to heighten the importance and serious- the truth of the moment, we can engage that moment more con- ness of these 39 days. Throughout our Intensive, make every effort structively. When we know the truth of the moment, we can en- to do the following: gage that moment in a manner that promotes justice, compassion, • Blow the shofar every morning to focus your attention. and harmony rather than exploitation, suffering, and violence. • Recite Psalms every day to open your heart to a yearning for Teshuvah is returning our attention to the present. When we return. bring our attention back to the present, we discover our true nature • Make cheshbon hanefesh, a daily moral inventory, before go- as God manifest in time and space. Knowing our true nature brings us tranquility. We discover a deep inner reservoir of calm that is ing to sleep. undisturbed by the storms of life. From this place of calm we are • Practice shmirat halashon (conscious speech) and avoid all better able to engage each moment with honesty and compassion. gossip. How do we practice teshuvah? Observe the workings of your • Give tzedakah daily. own mind. Watch yourself and see when you are rummaging in • Send Rosh haShanah greeting cards and tell people how im- the past or daydreaming about the future, and then gently return your awareness to what is happening in the present. portant they are to you. • Take a walk each day to connect with the world around you. Do not berate yourself for not being present, for this will only • Do something that makes you happy. distract you even more. Simply acknowledge that your mind has • Learn something new during this period. wandered and bring your attention back to the moment. • Make time each Shabbat for deep rest and relaxation. • Do something nice for your body to honor it and dedicate its It may help to set aside 20 to 30 minutes each day to sit qui- etly, close your eyes, and observe how your mind generates dis- actions to the good. tractions. Just watch as one thought, feeling, or sensation takes • Buy something new to wear on Rosh haShanah. center stage in your mind. Do not engage the thought, feeling, or sensation, just let it be and observe the constant rise and fall of 9 mental activity. Imagine yourself to be a vast sky and the thoughts, feelings, and sensation as clouds floating across it. Just as passing clouds do not impact the sky, so passing thoughts need not impact your observing self. Stay as open and as accepting as the sky and in time, your sense of separate self will slip away and you will be 8
PRAYER OF INTENT Elul Journal As you prepare to begin the 39 days of our Elul Intensive, recite in quest of forgiveness and return the following prayer as a means of clarifying your intent: May I cultivate the strength to look honestly at my actions. May I cultivate the honesty to admit when I have been wrong. May I cultivate the understanding to know how best to make amends. May I cultivate the courage to ask for forgiveness. May I cultivate the compassion to grant forgiveness when asked. May I cultivate the humility to surrender myself to God. May I cultivate the wisdom to know I do this not for myself alone but for all the world. May the coming year be one of sweet delight to all. 10 11
Elul 1 THE WORK It is fitting for a great Make time throughout the day for quiet rest. God to forgive great sinners. a. Sit comfortably. Close your eyes. – Vayyikra Rabbah 5 Breathe naturally. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: Better to live boldly and b. Bring your attention to the flow of thoughts, feelings, and seek forgiveness than to sensations that cross your mind. Do not interact with any of these, live scared and seek only just watch them as you might watch clouds float across the sky. to placate others. c. Continue this for 10 minutes at a time. 12 d. What do you notice about the nature of mind? e. Where do your thoughts and feelings come from? Where do they go? f. Are you your thoughts? Are you your feelings? Who are you? 13
Elul 2 THE WORK When one who has hurt Take some time to think about the following questions: What does us sincerely asks for forgiveness, we are forgiveness mean to you? How would you define it? How is forgive- obligated to forgive. ness granted? Is it better to forgive yourself or others? Write down – Tanhuma, Vayyera, 30 REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: your thoughts on these matters. When we ask for forgive- ness, most often we are 15 asking to be excused. True forgiveness is not being excused, but being understood. 14
Elul 3 THE WORK When we have mercy on Make a list of the most important people in your life, both those who another, God has mercy love and support you and those who don’t. You will use this list in on us. When we have no different ways over the next few days. mercy for another, God has no mercy for us. 17 – Tanhuma, Vayyera, 30 REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: God responds to us as we respond to others. Why? Because God is those others. 16
Elul 4 THE WORK Five types of people are hard Going down the first half of your list, answer the following three to forgive: One who sins in questions with regard to each person who loves and supports you (be many different ways; one who specific in your answers): repents and repeats the same sin over and over; one who 1. What has this person done for me this past year? sins in a sinless age; one who 2. What have I done for this person that was free of any self- sins with the intent to repent; one who causes God’s Name serving motive? to be profaned. 3. What trouble or inconvenience did I cause this person during – Avot de Rabbi Nathan, 39 the past year? 19 REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: One who sins in many different ways—this one is associated too closely with our pain. One who repents for and repeats the same sin over and over—this one is never taken seriously. One who sins in a sinless age—this one perverts justice. One who sins with the intent to repent— this one seeks to escape responsibility. One who causes God’s Name to be profaned— this one brings doubt to the minds of the faithful. 18
Elul 5 THE WORK Overlook the slights of others, Continue answering the following questions regarding people who love and your own failings will be and support you: forgiven. 1. What has this person done for me this past year? – Rosh haShanah, 17 2. What have I done for this person that was free of any self- REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: serving motive? To overlook the slights of 3. What trouble or inconvenience did I cause this person during others, we seek to see the wound they carry that causes the past year? them to act as they do. 21 Discovering that wound arouses compassion in us and reveals our own wounds as well. Recognizing our own wounds, we can control the actions that flow from them. Controlling the actions that flow from them allows us to be forgiven. 20
Elul 6 THE WORK During a drought, Rabbi Eliezer Write and mail a New Year’s card to each of the people you have been prayed long for rain, but writing about over the past two days. Thank the person for all the nothing happened. Rabbi Akiva kindnesses she did for you this past year. Include a request for forgive- offered a short prayer, and the ness for any pain you may have caused her during the past year. rains fell. A Voice from Heaven called out, “Not that Akiva is If the person to whom you would write is deceased, write the letter greater than Eliezer, but Eliezer remembers those who slight anyway and either place it at the graveside or seal it in an envelope and him, while Akiva forgets.” keep it somewhere safe. – Taanit, 25 23 REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: Memories of old hurts block us from fresh encounters. Eliezer’s prayer was long for he had to push through all his pain. Akiva’s was short for he had only to open to God. 22
Elul 7 THE WORK A man traveling on a hot day grew Finish writing and mailing the New Year’s cards. weary and sat down to rest on a rock. A snake slipped toward him, 25 but a gust of wind came, snapped a branch from a tree and killed the snake. When the man awoke and stepped away from the rock, it shifted and slipped off the cliff. Rabbi Abba saw what had happened and asked, “What is your merit that you have been saved from death twice?” The man answered, “I never fail to make peace with those who harm me. I become their friend and repay good for evil. And before I go to sleep, I forgive all who require forgiveness.” Rabbi Abba said, “You are greater than Joseph. He forgave his brothers, but you forgive strangers as well.” – Zohar i, 200-201 REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: We may not be able to make peace with all who harm us nor may we always find the courage to return good for evil. But if we could just forgive before we sleep, we, too, would live blessed lives. 24
Elul 8 THE WORK On Shabbat, we each receive Pay particular attention to the quality of your words. How often do you an added soul, that we might have the strength to uplift find yourself gossiping about others? How often do you find yourself our thoughts and purify our desires. exaggerating your own success or importance? How often do you find – Betza, 16a yourself making jokes at another's expense? REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: 27 The added soul is really the level of consciousness associated with the world of Atzilut, the world of unity and interdependence. We uplift our thoughts and purify our desires when we no longer see ourselves as separate from everything else. 26
Elul 9 THE WORK I am that I am Throughout the day ask yourself \"Who is it that is doing this task?\" God, Exodus When you are making a phone call ask: \"Who is it that is making REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: God is the I AM of the this phone call?\" When you are getting into your car ask \"Who is it universe, the True Self of all that is. Whenever we who is getting into this car?\" The effect of such questioning is to say of ourselves \"I am\" we are reflecting a bit of the reveal a deeper level of identity. You are the one who is aware of greater I AM that is God. Whenever we replace our what you are doing. In time such inquiry can lead you to the One I am for God's I AM we create a false separation who is your True Self. 29 between ourselves and God that results in all kinds of mischief. 28
Elul 10 THE WORK The more powerful the person, Focusing on people with whom you have a strained or troubled the more powerful the urge relationship, answer the following three questions for each person (be toward sin. specific in your answers). Do this for the first half of your list. – Talmud 1. What has this person done for me this past year? 2. What have I done for this person that was free of any self- REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: To become a powerful person serving motive? requires powerful drives and 3. What trouble or inconvenience did I cause this person during desires. It is impossible to restrict desire to the good only. When we the past year? cultivate desire, we cultivate 31 desires of all kinds. Thus, the more powerful the person, the more powerful the desire for both good and evil. 30
Elul 11 THE WORK If your sins are such that they die Focusing on people with whom you have a strained or troubled when you die, your death atones relationship, answer the following three questions for each person (be for your sin. If your sins are such specific in your answers). Do this for the rest of your list. that they live on after you die, your death earns you nothing. 1. What has this person done for me this past year? 2. What have I done for this person that was free of any – Shabbat 9, 3 self-serving motive? REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: 3. What trouble or inconvenience did I cause this person during There are two types of sin. The first harms only ourselves. The the past year? second harms others and causes 33 them to sin. When we die, we are not called to account for those sins from which we alone suffered, for they have died with us. But we are called to account for those sins we created that caused others to suffer, for their sin and suffering outlive us. 32
Elul 12 THE WORK The slanderer must seek Write and mail a letter to each person you have been thinking about for forgiveness from the slandered. the last few days, thanking her for all the kindnesses she did for you this past year. Include in the letter a request for forgiveness for any – Berachot, 31 pain you may have caused her during the past year. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: Slander is a sin that outlives If the person to whom you would write is deceased, write the letter the sinner. Even if forgiveness is anyway and either place it at the graveside or seal it in an envelope and granted, there is still a lingering keep it somewhere safe. pain for which no atonement is possible. 35 34
Elul 13 THE WORK God knew that humanity Finish writing and mailing these New Year’s cards. would sin. That is why God created teshuvah (repentance, 37 returning to God) before God created people. – Otzer Midrashim REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: The power to return to God is older than the inclination to turn away from God. This means that it is easier to return that to leave. 36
Elul 14 THE WORK Once Rabbi Johanan ben 1. Pay attention throughout the day, looking for and using opportuni- Zakkai and Rabbi Joshua were ties to do acts of kindness. Make a written note as to how you feel walking in Jerusalem and came when doing acts of kindness. Be careful to note all your feelings, both upon the ruins of the Temple. those that reflect the altruism of your soul and those that reflect the Rabbi Joshua moaned, “Woe triumphalism of your ego. unto us, for the place of our forgiveness is gone.” Rabbi 2. Write down your answers to the following: Johanan replied, “There is no • When doing something for others, to what extent did you feel need for sadness. One avenue superior to them? To what extent did you feel you were a of forgiveness was replaced by better person than most for having done this act of kindness? another. Doing kindness to • What do feelings of ego superiority do to the quality of your others is now our way to kindness? forgiveness.” • How might you do kindness for kindness’s sake and not have it connected to any ulterior motive? – Avot de Rabbi Nathan, 4 • Is altruism even possible for people, or are we always involved with some level of selfishness? REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: • Does this matter as long as the kindness is done? When we sacrificed in the holy 39 Temple, we gave of what we had. When we sacrifice through kindness, we give from what we are. Forgiveness rooted in the latter is greater than forgiveness rooted in the former. 38
Elul 15 THE WORK God was in this place, but I did What is happiness? What would it take to make you happy? In what not notice ways are you happy now? In what ways are you unhappy? If you could take one thing that makes you unhappy and turn it around so that it – Genesis would make you happy, what thing would you change and how would REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: you change it? God is in every place. Better, God is every place. But the \"I,\" 41 the separate ego, does not know this. To the extent you focus on \"I\" you are unable to realize God. To truly know God you have to stop thinking about yourself. 40
Elul 16 THE WORK What was created on the What is the connection between your happiness and your ability to Sabbath? Contentment, peace forgive and be forgiven? In what way are you hiding behind unhappi- of mind, and physical rest. ness? In what way are you turning happiness into a hideout as well? – Bereshit Rabbah 10,12 43 REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: How do we achieve these Shabbos gifts? By reversing their order. Rest the body, and you quiet the mind. Quiet the mind, and you will be content. 42
Elul 17 THE WORK When the Temple in Jerusalem Take time this evening to do the following: fell, so, too, did the bridge between the Jews and their a. Sit comfortably. God. Close your eyes. Focus your attention on your breathing. – Berachot, 32b Breathe naturally. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: The bridge may have col- b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: lapsed, but the river can still be May my family be happy. crossed in rafts. Acts of May my family be peaceful. kindness are the rafts that will May my family be free. take you from self to Self, from self to God. c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. 44 d. Write down your answers to the following questions: What do I mean by “happy”? What would I do if I were happy? What stops me from being happy now? What do I need to do to be happy? 45
Elul 18 THE WORK At the conclusion of the Yom Take time this evening to do the following: Kippur Musaf service, Rabbi Aha would say, “All of you with a. Sit comfortably. little children, go home and Close your eyes. feed them, even if they have Focus your attention on your breathing. not asked for food.” Breathe naturally. – Yoma, 66 b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: May my family be happy. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: May my family be peaceful. The little children are the May my family be free. newborn hopes for peace and tranquility that arise during c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. Yom Kippur. Go home and nurse them, lest they starve d. Write down your answers to the following questions: themselves in some misguided • What do I mean by “peaceful”? notion of sacrifice. • What would I do if I were peaceful? • What stops me from being peaceful now? 46 • What do I need to do to be peaceful? 47
Elul 19 THE WORK On Yom Kippur, in the Holy of Take time this evening to do the following: Holies, the following prayer was recited: “May it be Thy a. Sit comfortably. Will, O Lord, that the coming Close your eyes. year have sufficient dew, rain, Focus your attention on your breathing. and shade.” Breathe naturally. – Vayyikra Rabbah, 17 b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: May my family be happy. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: May my family be peaceful. Dew refers to the sweet touch May my family be free. of love. Rain refers to the kindnesses we receive from c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. others that allow our hopes to bloom. Shade refers to the d. Write down your answers to the following questions: security of loving arms that • What do I mean by “free”? hold us in times of searing fear • What would I do if I were free? and pain. • What stops me from being free now? • What do I need to do to be free? 48 49
Elul 20 THE WORK On Yom Kippur, in the Holy of Take time this evening to do the following: Holies, the following prayer was recited: “May no one find a. Sit comfortably. it necessary to accept favors Close your eyes. from another. May no one Focus your attention on your breathing. show mastery over another.” Breathe naturally. – Vayyikra Rabbah, 17 b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: May my friends be happy. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: May my friends be peaceful. May each of us be satisfied May my friends be free. with what we have, that we need not put ourselves in debt c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. to others to get what we want. May each of us gain mastery d. Write down your answer s to the following questions: of ourselves, that we need not • How did I contribute to the happiness of my friends during the seek mastery over others. past year? • What can I do this year to help increase the happiness of my friends? 50 51
Elul 21 THE WORK On Yom Kippur, in the Holy of Take time this evening to do the following: Holies, the following prayer was recited: “May You not a. Sit comfortably. incline Your ear to travelers Close your eyes. who pray for dry weather.” Focus your attention on your breathing. Breathe naturally. – Vayyikra Rabbah, 17 b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: May my friends be happy. Each of us calls to God and May my friends be peaceful. asks for what is desired, Maymy friends be free. without thought of how that desire may impact others. Dry c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. weather for a traveler may spell doom for a farmer in d. Write down your answer s to the following questions: need of rain. On Yom Kippur, • How did I contribute to the peace of my friends during the let us pray this: “Dear God, do past year? not listen too closely to what I • What can I do this year to help increase the peace of my pray and do not grant my friends? request until I have had time 53 to see how my gain may be another’s loss. And then grant me the courage to withdraw my request.” 52
Elul 22 THE WORK Rabbi Tanhuma asked, “From Devote this day to the practice of Restricted Speech: before you talk what did God rest on the think through what you are about to say and limit yourself to saying Sabbath?” He answered his only that which is essential. Imagine that your words are a precious own question, saying, “God and nonrenewable resource; don't waste a single one. What was the rested from speaking.” quality of your speech throughout the day? What insights about yourself did you discover from this exercise? – Pesikta Rabbati, 23,3 REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: 55 To truly rest, we must silence the talk of the mind: “This I want, this I don’t want; this I like, this I don’t like.” 54
Elul 23 THE WORK Shabbat is the foretaste of Set aside two distinct periods of time today for avoiding speech Heaven. altogether. These periods should be no less than 60 minutes in dura- tion, and should be scheduled at times when speaking would otherwise – Mekilta to Exodus 31, 13 be appropriate. Use these two periods to focus on listening. Listen to what other people say; listen to the sounds around you; listen to the REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: Divine Voice within you. What did you hear? Heaven is the experience of pure spirit—when body, mind, 57 and soul are at rest and allow the pure spirit of God to shine through us. Live each Shabbat as if you were in Heaven, and you will discover that Heaven is in you. In this way you will find a little bit of Shabbat everyday of your life. 56
Elul 24 THE WORK On Yom Kippur, in the Holy of Take time this evening to do the following: Holies, the following prayer was recited: “May You have compas- a. Sit comfortably. sion on those who dwell in the Close your eyes. lowlands, that neither sand Focus your attention on your breathing. dunes nor floods turn their Breathe naturally. homes into their graves.” b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: – Vayyikra Rabbah, 17 May my family be happy. May my family be peaceful. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: May my family be free. Those who dwell in the lowlands are those living in the c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. grip of depression and despair. We pray that they not become d. Write down your answers to the following questions: so arid that their hopes turn to • How did I contribute to the happiness of my family during the dust. We pray that they not surrender to the false kindness past year? of those who flood them with • What can I do this year to help increase the happiness of my words of hope while scheming to benefit from their pain. family? 59 58
Elul 25 THE WORK Once a great boulder fell onto Take time this evening to do the following: the highway and no one could remove it. The king com- a. Sit comfortably. manded that each passerby Close your eyes. chip off a piece of the rock. In Focus your attention on your breathing. time, the whole thing was gone. Breathe naturally. – Pesikta Shuvah, 165a b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: May my family be happy. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: May my family be peaceful. Do not imagine that all ob- May my family be free. stacles can be removed by a simple act of will. Some c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. challenges must be tackled a bit at a time. In the end, with d. Write down your answers to the following questions: patience and perseverance, even • How did I contribute to the peace of my family during the the largest stone can be past year? reduced to dust. • What can I do this year to help increase the peace of my family? 60 61
Elul 26 THE WORK One who sins through sight Take time this evening to do the following: will go blind. a. Sit comfortably. – Otzer Midrashim, p, 497 Close your eyes. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: Focus your attention on your breathing. Those who sin by sight are Breathe naturally. those who see an injustice and do nothing to set it right. In b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: the end, they are blind to May my family be happy. both evil and good and can May my family be peaceful. find no meaning to their lives. May my family be free. 62 c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. d. Write down your answers to the following questions: • How did I contribute to the freedom of my family during the past year? • What can I do this year to help increase the freedom of my family? 63
Elul 27 THE WORK One who sins through hearing Take time this evening to do the following: will suffer through hearing. a. Sit comfortably. – Otzer Midrashim, p, 497 Close your eyes. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: Focus your attention on your breathing. Those who sin through hearing Breathe naturally. are those who hear the cry of another and do nothing to b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: come to the other’s aid. In the May my enemies be happy. end, they are deaf to every- May my enemies be peaceful. thing but the gossip their May my enemies be free. neighbors spread about them. c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. 64 d. Write down your answers to the following questions: • How did I contribute to the happiness of my enemies during the past year? • What can I do this year to help increase the happiness of my enemies? 65
Elul 28 THE WORK One who sins through the Take time this evening to spend 30 minutes or so on the following: heart will go mad with worry. a. Sit comfortably. – Otzer Midrashim, p, 497 Close your eyes. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: Focus your attention on your breathing. Those who sin through the Breathe naturally. heart are those who give in to every desire, hoping to find b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: happiness in owning things. In May my enemies be happy. the end, their hearts are filled May my enemies be peaceful. with the fear of losing all they May my enemies be free. own, and there is no room for happiness in them at all. c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. 66 d. Write down your answers to the following questions: • How did I contribute to the peace of my enemies during the past year? • What can I do this year to help increase the peace of my enemies? • How did I contribute to the freedom of my enemies during the past year? • What can I do this year to help increase the freedom of my enemies? 67
Elul 29 Before lighting the Yom Tov candles say: Where the world is dark with illness, EREV ROSH HASHANAH 5761 The first human was created let me kindle the light of healing. on Rosh haShanah. Where the world is bleak with suffering, – Zohar iii, 100b let me kindle the light of caring. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: Where the world is dim with lies, Just as the first human was created on Rosh haShanah, let me kindle the light of truth. each of us has the opportunity to be recreated on Rosh [say blessing and light candles] haShanah. In the arduous simplicity of this moment, I open my body, heart, and mind to stillness. 68 In the deeper quiet I sense a greater Life that is my life. I do not live only; I am lived. I do not breathe only; I am breathed. I am not only the one I appear to be, but also the One who appears as me. In love, I take upon myself the challenge of this day as a reminder of the purpose of cre- ation. In peace, I take upon myself the sanc- tity of this day as a catalyst for freedom and unity. Overflowing with blessing is the One Who hallows the New Year. 69
Tishrei 1 FOR YOM TOV ROSH HASHANAH, DAY ONE Throughout this First Day of Rosh haShanah, It is fitting for a great God to contemplate the following: forgive great sinners. Malchuyot/The Presence of God – Vayyikra Rabbah 5 God is the Source and Substance of all reality. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: We are manifestations of God whose purpose Better to live boldly and seek is to manifest godliness. forgiveness than to live scared • What does it mean to be godly? and seek only to placate others. • Where am I achieving this in my life? • Where am I failing? 70 • What can I do this year to deepen the quality of godliness in my life? Zichronot/Remembrance The greatest sin is to forget that we and everything else are manifestations of God. • What would your life be like if you knew you were a manifestation of God? • What would your life be like if you could remember that everyone and everything was a manifestation of God? • How is it that you cannot remember this? • What might you do differently this year to remember? Shofarot/Awakening We blow the shofar to return our attention to the present moment. We are rarely present to the moment at hand, but prefer to drift into the past or the future. Yet God is met only in the moment; the Eternal is felt only in the Now. • How is it that you keep falling asleep to the moment? • What might you do to practice teshuvah, returning your attention to the present, one moment at a time? 71
Tishrei 2 FOR YOM TOV ROSH HASHANAH, DAY TWO Throughout the second day of Rosh haShanah, contemplate the following: Rabbi Berechiah said, “On Rosh haShanah it is God’s wish that I am not my body. the hearts of all humanity are I am not my thoughts. turned toward God in unison.” I am not my feelings. I am not my story. – Y. Rosh haShanah 1,3 I am not my fears. I am not my dreams. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: I am not my fantasies. Do not imagine that Rosh I am nothing that rises or falls. haShanah is for the Jews. It is for I am nothing that births and dies. all humankind. It simply comes I am nothing of time or eternity. to them through the Jews. I am nothing. I am all. I am. I AM. Who am I? 72 73
Tishrei 3 THE WORK One who sins with the mouth Take time this evening to spend 30 minutes or so on the following: will go unheard. a. Sit comfortably. – Otzer Midrashim, p, 497 Close your eyes. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: Focus your attention on your breathing. Those who sin with the Breathe naturally. mouth are those who spread doubt and gossip among the b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: people. In the end, they are Hear O Israel. ignored, and even their The Ineffable One is God. legitimate calls for justice and The Ineffable One is unity itself. heartfelt cries for help go unheard. c. Continue this three-breath/three-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. 74 d. Jot down your answers to the following questions: • What does it mean to hear the oneness of God? • What does it mean that God is the Ineffable? • What does it mean that God is one? • What does it mean that God is unity itself? 75
Tishrei 4 THE WORK One who laughs at spiritual Take time this evening to spend 30 minutes or so on the following: discipline will receive no compassion. One who scoffs at a. Sit comfortably. wisdom will find no cure. Close your eyes. Focus your attention on your breathing. – Otzer Midrashim, p, 497 Breathe naturally. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: b. With each exhalation, silently repeat one of these phrases: Those who laugh at spiritual Love the Ineffable God discipline are those who do no With all your heart, kindness. In the end, no With every breath, kindness is done unto them. With all that you have and are. Those who scoff at wisdom will find no cure for doubt, and c. Continue this four-breath/four-phrase cycle for 10 minutes. they will live in ever-growing terror of death. d. Write down your answers to the following questions: • What does it mean to love God? 76 • What does it mean to love God with all my heart? • What does it mean to love God with every breath? • What does it mean to love God with all that I have and am? 77
Tishrei 5 THE WORK Observe all things and abstain Sometime this evening, spend 30 minutes or so on the following: from sin. a. Sit comfortably. – Otzer Midrashim, p, 497 Close your eyes. REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: Focus your attention on your breathing. Those who learn to observe Breathe naturally. the workings of the mind will not be driven by desire. They b. With each exhalation, silently repeat this phrase: You shall love will watch as thoughts and your neighbor as yourself. feelings come and go, and they will discover that only love of c. Continue this repetition for 10 minutes. others is a lasting good. d. Write down your answers to the following questions: 78 • What does it mean to love my neighbor? • Who is my neighbor? • In what way do I love myself? • In what way do I not love myself? • How does my loving or not loving myself impact the manner in which I treat my neighbor? 79
Tishrei 6 THE WORK It is in everyone’s hand to 1. Imagine that your life this past year was written up as a myth or resist temptation. But if folk tale to be repeated to children, that they might learn some you sin, repent and return important lesson about life and how to live it. and know that forgiveness • Briefly outline the storyline this tale would follow. is yours. • What message does the story impart? – Otzer Midrashim, p. 497 • What can be learned from the year of your life just ending? REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: 2. Imagine that the grand themes of your life this coming year are Resisting temptation only already written up as a myth or folk tale. fuels temptation; the more • Briefly outline the storyline this tale would follow. we say no to desire, the • What message does the story impart? stronger that desire • What can be learned from the year of your life just beginning? becomes. The wise neither resist nor surrender; they 81 only observe. And if they sin, they admit their error and make amends. In this way they return to God and godliness. Forgiveness is granted not because of their sin, but as a conse- quence of their return. 80
Tishrei 7 THE WORK The light of our life during the Where are you a light bringer? How do you handle the dark times in week is different than the light other people's lives? Do you seek to help or do you run and hide? How of our life on Shabbat. do you handle the dark times in your own life? Do you seek out help or do you run and hide in the darkness? What could you do to enhance – Bereshit Rabbah 11,2 your capacity to bring light to both yourself and others? REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: During the week, we shine 83 our light to find our own way. On Shabbos, our light is used to push back the darkness for others. 82
Tishrei 8 THE WORK A woman awoke on the Sabbath What are you running after? What are you running from? Assume that to find a pot of gold next to her you achieve your heart's desire; now write a brief obituary for yourself bed. She reached for the pot, but that might run in your local newspaper. Assume that you never it backed away. She tried again achieved your heart's desire; now write a brief obituary for yourself and it moved back even farther. that might run in your local newspaper. How are the two different? She decided to leave the pot and How are they the same? What does this say to you about how you are go to the synagogue. When she living your life? What might this say to you about the quality of got there, she turned around to forgiveness in your life? find that the pot of gold had followed her. 85 – Jewish Folk Tale REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: We are all like this woman. We imagine we must possess that which is precious, when in fact when we let it be, we discover it is as close to us as our own shadow. 84
Tishrei 9 FOR YOM TOV EREV YOM KIPPUR/KOL NIDRE After lighting the candles of Yom Tov, say: On Yom Kippur, the things I am empty of permanence. between you and God are I cannot endure. forgiven; the things between My days are limited and too few you and your neighbor are to fulfill the desires of my heart. only forgiven when your I am so small and temporary. neighbor forgives you. And yet so important. This pile of dust speaks! – Sifra to Ahare This bag of skin thinks! This frail body acts and REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: makes a difference in the world! It is easier to gain forgiveness What a gift I have been given and from God than from a what a responsibility. neighbor. Why? God’s only I am nothing and desire is for your happiness, yet for my sake did the world come to be. while your neighbor wants you I am nothing and to feel remorse. yet because of me, others rise or fall. I am the only me that has ever been. 86 Whatever I must do, I must do here and now. Whatever gift I am to give, I must give it here and now. Whatever purpose I am to fulfill, I must fulfill it here and now. 87
Tishrei 10 YOM KIPPUR FOR YOM TOV Rabbi Jose said, “One who Today, reflect on the following: repents is regarded by God as When I replay the year now closing, one who had sacrificed at the my heart shivers. Temple.” Rabbi Alexandri added, I have caused much pain. “We do not like to use broken Through thoughtlessness and inconsideration, vessels, but God loves them.” through wanton disregard for the feelings of others, – Pesikta Shuva I have left many I love feeling unloved. I vow this day to speak more softly, REB YERACHMIEL TAUGHT: to do more carefully, A broken bowl, even when to be more fully mended, may still leak. A broken what I know I am capable of being: heart when healed is stronger a friend, than ever. Open your heart to a lover, the world and let it break. Open a care giver and it still further and you open to a guide. God and let it heal. I vow this day to challenge my own excuses, 88 to give more of myself and less to my selfishness. 89
PSALMS It is traditional to read from the Book of Psalms each day of the Elul Intensive. While you are free to choose whichever psalms you want, we have provided interpretive versions of several psalms, assigning one to each day of the week. If you wish to explore the Book of Psalms for yourself, we recommend two translations—The Artscroll Tehillim [Psalms], which is closest to the original Hebrew, and The Psalms by Steven Mitchell, a beautiful pre- sentation of some of the most powerful psalms. 90 91
Sundays / PSALM 95 Mondays / PSALM 99 Life is all from You and in You: The earth trembles with intimations of God. the valleys, the mountains, The nations quake the shore and the sea. before the One without a flag. And so am I— Our boundaries shatter this fragile reed as the Whole hugs its parts. with beating heart and jumping mind; We scar the earth with barbed lines this thinking bellows and define ourselves within them. breathed and breathing, We label the stranger and mark a friend; all You. God is greater than this. From You comes each God is above our masks and our magic. and to You each returns. God speaks and there are no words. And in between is You as well. God teaches and there are no books. You in anger and God guides and there are no gurus. You in song, God plants justice and we sow discord. You in play and God seeds compassion and we reap anger. You in pain, God extends charity and we shrug indifference. You in danger and No wonder there is trembling. You in salvation, We are frightened, it is all You and not of God but of ourselves. You are all it is. We are frightened not of the One I sing the wonders of all You are but of the many we call them. and the simple truth of You is known. May I make this moment a moment 92 of emptying myself of my self; of exalting the One Who is at the heart of the many; of humbling myself before the One who is all. And in this way will I move beyond fragmentation to the greater unity that is God’s gift and my essence. 93
Tuesdays / PSALM 93 Wednesdays / PSALM 16 The earth is secure; Dear God, it is I who imagines her frailty. lift from me this mask of separation; The earth stands firm; awaken me to Life’s grand pattern; it is I who plots her downfall. protect me as I seek Your refuge— She is greater than me, I so fear the letting go that is our embracing. and includes me in a larger scheme. No words can depict You, I am her child all words drive me from You. though not her only child. No thoughts, no theories—idols all! I am her hope Only when my mind is clear though not her only hope. can my heart be filled with I am one she grew the Wonder of You. to see her own face, I would know You if I could stand firm; to know her own mind, but I wobble and doubt and cannot believe to foster surprise. that I can be that which I already am. I am one who can know I am One. At night I am instructed: in drifting thought and twisted dream 94 the Way is shown. You are beside me always, I shall not stumble, for even a fall is a journey and no journey is in vain if I would but take it up wholeheartedly. Help my heart be joyous and my soul exult. I dwell secure in You. 95
Thursdays / PSALM 32 Fridays / PSALM 77 Happy are they whose sins are forgiven, Let me silence the Lie Dear God, Your Way is just, who break the bonds of habitual evil. and confess the Truth: balanced and blending; suffering is Your Way, and also love. Happy are they who harness evil I am neither bad nor good, It cannot be other than It Is other than You Are and turn it toward good, neither satan nor saint— other than I Am. who deceive neither self nor other, but a blend of both: Suffering and Joy—twins! Terror and Tears—twins! but welcome both with a person conflicted and confused. Pain and Mercy—twins! You and I— mercy and compassion. Let me confess and accept, Your Way is Wonder beyond words! I know I have sinned, and I will find Your Presence fills all and is known by none. but I fear to speak— the strength to repair The oceans behold You and tremble. will not my admission mock me, what I have damaged; The clouds see You and spill forth their rain. Your thunder deafens. will I not become my own Adversary? the skill to mend Your lightening blinds. Nothing can point and say: Yet my silence is a burden, what I have torn; There is God! For where are You not? my guilt chokes me, the compassion to heal Your Way is no way. my very being weighs heavy what has been hurt. Your Path is no path. and I no longer smile. Let all who seek the Way learn this: Your Way, all ways. Your Path, all paths. I groan with the weight of it, that when misfortunes befall you, Your Place, but I fear to speak— accept them; all place my place, not even to You, if they come as a mighty wave, this place. especially to You. bend to them; Day and night I struggle to be if you let them come, who I imagine I am supposed to be they will let you go; without really knowing who in fact I am. if you seek to stay them, they will stay, I fear that I know, and you will drown in a pool of or I know that I fear despair. that I am wicked and selfish and far from the One that pretends to be other. You are my shelter, my True Self. The effort drains me, You preserve me from distress I am forever tired and despairing. and surround me with joy— The lie shrivels me, but only if I admit and accept who I am a leaf without branch, dry and shivering in the wind. I am and what I do. O let me admit my failings, and accept my guilt. 96 97
Shabbat / PSALM 150 Praise Life! Even now the depth of sin escapes me. Praise Wonder! There is more darkness than look and see the feeble candle of forgiveness can listen and hear, erase. taste and touch and smell Yet by its light I see my place the awesome simplicity of This. where I stand and where I might next step. Praise Life! It is enough. in sacred places. Praise Life! To step one step through just acts to turn one turn and compassionate deeds. this time Praise Life! Now. with upbeat horn, lilting harp, Yes there is pain. entrancing lyre. Yes there is hurt. And there is redemption. Praise Life! With the pain. with drum and dance, With the hurt. violin and flute, There is redemption. clashing cymbals. Who can straighten what has been Let all that breathe crooked? breathe praises! I cannot, though I so wish it otherwise. Breathe in psalms, But otherwise has trapped me too long. breathe out hymns. Breathe and sing Now is the time of arising. and let joy resound Now is the time of awakening. within you Now is the time of doing: and without you. not straightening but no more twisting; I sing to Life not forgetting with my life; but at last forgiving. I sing a new song each day, every moment. And to that I say: Amen. 98 99
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