PRESAS_JoachimRay_FINALS PROJECT

LIFESPAN DEVELOPMENT JOACHIM PRESAS the autobiography issue VOL 2. A FINALS PROJECT CREATED BY : JOACHIM PRESAS

PRESAS, JOACHIM RAY A.

TABLE OF CONTENTS ADOLESCENCE 4-5 EARLY 6-8 ADULTHOOD 10 MIDDLE ADULTHOOD LATE 11 ADULTHOOD ENDINGS 12 ASPIRATIONS 13-14 CONTENT BY : JOACHIM PRESAS PHOTOS CURATED BY: JOACHIM PRESAS DESIGN LAYOUT BY: jOACHIM PRESAS

AGE 0F ADOLESCENCE ““ AAddoolleesscceennccee ccaann bbee aa ttiimmee ooff ttuurrmmooiill aanndd ttuurrbbuulleennccee,, ooff ssttrreessss aanndd ssttoorrmm.. RReebbeelllliioonn aaggaaiinnsstt aauutthhoorriittyy aanndd aaggaaiinnsstt ccoonnvveennttiioonn iiss ttoo bbee eexxppeecctteedd aanndd ttoolleerraatteedd ffoorr tthhee ssaakkee ooff lleeaarrnniinngg aanndd ggrroowwtthh..”” II ssuurreellyy ccaann ssaayy tthhaatt HHaaiimm wwaass rriigghhtt.. IItt wwaass aa nneeww bbiirrtthh,, nneeww eemmoottiioonnss,, nneeww ttrraaiittss,, nneeww ppeerrcceeppttiioonnss,, ssaammee bbooddyy bbuutt nnooww mmoorree ddeevveellooppeedd aanndd mmaattuurree.. AAddoolleesscceennccee iiss aa ttiimmee wwhheenn wwee eexxppeerriieennccee eevveerryytthhiinngg aaggaaiinn bbuutt mmoorree iinntteennsseellyy aanndd eemmoottiioonnaallllyy.. OOnnee ooff tthhee bbiiggggeesstt mmiilleessttoonneess tthhaatt hhaappppeenn iinn lliiffee iiss ppuubbeerrttyy.. PPuubbeerrttyy hhaappppeennss dduurriinngg aaddoolleesscceennccee aanndd II mmyysseellff,, lliikkee eevveerryyoonnee eellssee,, uunnddeerrwweenntt tthhaatt pprroocceessss ooff rraappiidd pphhyyssiiccaall ggrroowwtthh.. II ggoott ttaalllleerr aanndd II rreemmeemmbbeerr bbeeiinngg ccaalllleedd aa ttaallll bbooyy,, hhoowweevveerr iinn tthhee llaatteerr yyeeaarrss ooff mmyy aaddoolleesscceennccee tthhaatt cchhaannggeedd ssiinnccee ootthheerr bbooyyss ccaauugghhtt uupp ttoo mmee.. II aallssoo hhaadd fflluuccttuuaattiinngg wweeiigghhtt dduurriinngg mmyy aaddoolleesscceennccee.. II ggaaiinneedd aanndd lloosstt wweeiigghhtt aanndd tthheenn ggaaiinneedd iitt aaggaaiinn aanndd tthheenn lloosstt iitt aaggaaiinn.. IItt wwaass aa ttuugg ooff wwaarr wwhheenn iitt ccaammee ttoo mmyy wweeiigghhtt.. AAssiiddee ffrroomm tthhaatt,, II wwoouulldd ssaayy tthhaatt II wwaass aa llaattee--mmaattuurriinngg bbooyy.. WWhhiillee bbooyyss aarroouunndd mmee ddeevveellooppeedd ddeeeeppeerr vvooiicceess,, II hhaadd aa vveerryy ffeemmiinniinnee aanndd vveerryy lliigghhtt ttoonnee,, hheennccee,, wwhhyy II wwoouulldd eexxppeerriieennccee ddiissccrriimmiinnaattiioonn ffrroomm mmyy ppeeeerrss aanndd ffrroomm oollddeerr bbaattcchheess.. BBiigg kkiidd,, bbuutt wwiitthh aa ssmmaallll aanndd ffeemmiinniinnee vvooiiccee.. WWhhiicchh mmaaddee mmee vveerryy ddiissaappppooiinntteedd wwiitthh mmyysseellff aass II aasskkeedd wwhhyy II wwaass nnoott lliikkee mmoosstt bbooyyss wwhhoo uunnddeerrwweenntt ppuubbeerrttyy mmyy aaggee.. MMoosstt bbooyyss aarroouunndd mmee aallssoo mmaattuurreedd aanndd ggoott mmaannlliieerr,, iinn aa wwaayy tthheeyy wweerree vveerryy bbooyyiisshh aanndd tthheeyy ddeevveellooppeedd aa lloott ooff ccoonnnneeccttiioonnss wwiitthh oonnee aannootthheerr tthhrroouugghh tthhee ssppoorrttss tthheeyy ppllaayyeedd ttooggeetthheerr.. WWhhiillee,, II,, oonn tthhee ootthheerr hhaanndd,, ffeelltt lleefftt bbeehhiinndd,, bbeeccaauussee II ddiidd nnoott ssoouunndd oorr aacctteedd lliikkee aa bbooyy mmaattuurriinngg,, oorr eexxppeerriieenncciinngg ppuubbeerrttyy.. WWhhiillee eevveerryy bbooyy II kknneeww hhaadd ffoorrmmeedd ccrruusshheess aanndd ssttaarrtteedd ttoo ggeett iinnttoo rreellaattiioonnsshhiippss,, II llooookkeedd aatt tthheemm ffrroomm aaffaarr aanndd aasskkeedd mmyysseellff,, ““wwhheenn aamm II eevveerr ggooiinngg ttoo aacctt aanndd ssoouunndd lliikkee aa bbooyy,, aanndd eexxppeerriieennccee wwhhaatt ootthheerr bbooyyss eexxppeerriieenncceedd??”” WWhhiillee tthhaatt wwaass aa ccoonnssttaanntt aanndd rreeccuurrrriinngg qquueessttiioonn tthhaatt ppllaayyeedd tthhrroouugghhoouutt mmyy lliiffee (( eevveenn uunnttiill nnooww)) II tthhoouugghhtt iitt wwaass bbeetttteerr ttoo bbuuiilldd ffrriieennddsshhiippss wwiitthh tthhee ggiirrllss aarroouunndd mmee,, wwhhoo wweerree mmoorree uunnddeerrssttaannddiinngg aanndd aacccceeppttiinngg ooff mmee aanndd wwhhaatt II ffeelltt.. BBeeccaauussee ooff tthhaatt mmoosstt ooff tthhee rreellaattiioonnsshhiippss,, II hhaavvee ttooddaayy aarree ddeeeepp ccoonnnneeccttiioonnss wwiitthh wwoommeenn ffrroomm mmyy eeaarrllyy ddaayyss ooff aaddoolleesscceennccee tthhoossee ggiirrllss aarree ssttiillll pprreesseenntt iinn mmyy lliiffee ttooddaayy.. AAtt ssoommee ppooiinntt,, hhoowweevveerr,, iinn mmyy llaattee aaddoolleesscceennccee,, II ssttaarrtteedd ttoo mmaattuurree,, mmyy vvooiiccee ggoott aa ttaadd bbiitt ddeeeeppeerr,, mmyy sshhoouullddeerrss bbrrooaaddeenn aanndd II ffeelltt aa lliittttllee bbiitt mmoorree bbooyyiisshh tthhaann wwhhaatt II ffeelltt tthheenn.. II aallssoo ppllaayyeedd vvoolllleeyybbaallll aanndd ttrraaiinneedd ffoorr tthhee ssppoorrtt.. TThhrroouugghhoouutt mmyy eeaarrllyy,, ttoooo llaattee aaddoolleesscceennccee,, aa lloott ooff ppeeooppllee aarroouunndd mmee nnoottiicceedd aa ddiiffffeerreennccee iinn mmyy aattttiittuuddee aanndd mmoooodd.. IItt wwaass vveerryy eeaassyy ffoorr mmee ttoo ggeett aannggssttyy,, sshhyy,, eemmbbaarrrraasssseedd,, aanndd ttiimmiidd.. AA lloott ooff ppeeooppllee nnoottiicceedd tthhaatt aanndd aatt ssoommee ppooiinntt,, II rreeaalliizzeedd tthhaatt ttoooo wwhhiicchh wwaass pprroobbaabbllyy dduuee ttoo tthhee hhoorrmmoonnaall cchhaannggeess tthhaatt mmyy bbooddyy wwaass eexxppeerriieenncciinngg,, mmyy mmooooddss wwoouulldd vvaarryy aa lloott wwiitthhiinn aa nnoorrmmaall ddaayy..

AGE 0F ADOLESCENCE II mmeennttiioonneedd tthhaatt II hhaadd aa fflluuccttuuaattiioonn iinn mmyy wweeiigghhtt aanndd tthhaatt wwaass mmoossttllyy bbeeccaauussee ooff tthhee nneeggaattiivvee bbooddyy iimmaaggee iissssuueess II hhaadd.. AAtt aann eeaarrllyy aaggee,, II lleeaarrnneedd hhooww ttoo rreessttrriicctt ffoooodd iinnttaakkee oonn mmyy oowwnn,, aanndd wwiitthh rreessttrriiccttiioonn ccaammee tthhee bbiinnggiinngg ooff ffoooodd.. SSoo aass II lloosstt wweeiigghhtt,, tthhee nneexxtt ffeeww mmoonntthhss II wwoouulldd ggaaiinn tthheemm bbaacckk,, aass II ggaaiinneedd tthheemm bbaacckk,, II wwoouulldd lloossee tthheemm tthhee nneexxtt ffeeww mmoonntthhss.. TThhaatt ssttiillll ccoonnttiinnuueess uunnttiill nnooww aanndd mmyy bbooddyy iimmaaggee iissssuueess hhaavvee nnoott bbeeeenn bbeetttteerr aatt aallll.. BByy tthhaatt ttiimmee ppeeooppllee aarroouunndd mmee wweerree ggeettttiinngg iinnttoo sseerriioouuss rreellaattiioonnsshhiippss oorr wweerree hhaavviinngg ffuunn wwiitthh tthhee ooppppoossiittee sseexx wwhhiicchh mmaaddee mmee eennvviioouuss ooff hhooww eeaassyy iitt wwaass ffoorr bbooyyss aarroouunndd mmee ttoo hhaavvee ggiirrllss aattttrraacctteedd ttoo tthheemm.. AAnndd ssiinnccee,, II wwaass aallwwaayyss mmaaddee ffuunn ooff ffoorr hhooww ffeemmiinniinnee II aacctteedd oorr ttaallkkeedd ppeeooppllee wwoouulldd ssttrraaiigghhtt uupp aasskk iiff II wwaass ggaayy.. WWhhiicchh wwaass nnoott oonnllyy hhaarrmmffuull ttoo mmee bbuutt aallssoo vveerryy ccoonnffuussiinngg ttoo mmee.. IItt wwaass hhaarrmmffuull ttoo mmee bbeeccaauussee II wwaass ppuutt iinnttoo tthhee ssppoottlliigghhtt aanndd ccoonnffuussiinngg ttoo mmee bbeeccaauussee II hhaadd nnoo iiddeeaa eeiitthheerr iiff II wwaass.. IIFFoorr tthhee lloonnggeesstt ttiimmee II eexxppeerriieenncceedd EErriikk EErriikkssoonn’’ss ffiifftthh ssttaaggee,, IIddeennttiittyy vvss.. IIddeennttiittyy ccoonnffuussiioonn bbeeccaauussee II ddiidd nnoott kknnooww wwhhaatt II wwaass iinn ggeenneerraall.. IItt wwaass aallssoo ssoo ttooxxiicc aanndd oofftteenn ffoorr mmee tthhaatt II ddeevveellooppeedd iinntteerrnnaalliizzeedd hhoommoopphhoobbiiaa.. IItt ggoott ttoo aa ppooiinntt wwhheerree II ddiidd nnoott lliikkee tthhee ffeemmiinniinnee ssiiddee ooff mmyysseellff aanndd rreesseenntteedd iitt aanndd ffeelltt sshhaammee ffoorr iitt.. II wwoouulldd ggeett sshhaammeedd ffoorr lliikkiinngg tthhiinnggss tthhaatt wweerree nnoott uussuuaall ffoorr bbooyyss ttoo lliikkee ssoo,, tthhaatt kkiinndd ooff mmeesssseedd uupp mmyy ppssyycchhee aatt tthhaatt ppeerriioodd iinn mmyy lliiffee.. WWrriittiinngg tthhiiss wwoorrkksshheeeett aanndd ppuuttttiinngg iitt iinnttoo tteexxtt iiss mmaakkiinngg mmee ccrryy bbeeccaauussee II rreeaalliizzeedd hhooww mmiisseerraabbllee aanndd aasshhaammeedd II wwaass aatt aa vveerryy yyoouunngg aaggee.. IInn mmyy llaattee aaddoolleesscceennccee ssttaaggee,, II ddiidd ccoommee ttoo aa ccoonncclluussiioonn tthhaatt II wwaass bbootthh aattttrraacctteedd ttoo bbootthh bbooyyss aanndd ggiirrllss.. TThhoouugghh II hhaavvee nnoott ccoommee oouutt ttoo mmyy ffaammiillyy yyeett,, mmyy ffrriieennddss kknnooww tthhiiss bbuutt mmoosstt ppeeooppllee ssttiillll aassssuummee II oonnllyy lliikkee bbooyyss wwhhiicchh iiss,, ddeemmoorraalliizziinngg iinn aa wwaayy bbeeccaauussee II ffeeeell aa sseennssee ooff rreessttrriiccttiioonn aanndd nneeggaattiivvee ccaatteeggoorriizzaattiioonn ffrroomm mmyy ppeeeerrss wwhhiicchh aaffffeeccttss mmee aa lloott eemmoottiioonnaallllyy aanndd mmeennttaallllyy aass iitt bbeeccoommeess ssttiiggmmaattiizzeedd tthhaatt II oonnllyy lliikkee bbooyyss wwhhiicchh iiss oonnllyy hhaallff--ttrruuee ssiinnccee II aallssoo lliikkee tthhee ooppppoossiittee sseexx.. SSoo tthhaatt iiss aa ssttrruuggggllee II ccoonnttiinnuuee ttoo bbaattttllee uupp uunnttiill ttooddaayy.. IItt wwaass aallssoo dduurriinngg tthhiiss ttiimmee tthhaatt II eexxppeerriieenncceedd aannxxiieettyy aanndd ppaanniicc aattttaacckkss ffuullllyy aass II wwoouulldd oovveerrtthhiinnkk tthhee wwoorrsstt sscceennaarriiooss iinn mmyy hheeaadd aanndd aallssoo pprreessssuurree mmyysseellff iinnttoo ddooiinngg tthhiinnggss aanndd ttaasskkss,, ppaarrttiiccuullaarrllyy iinn tthhee aaccaaddeemmiicc ffiieelldd.. OOfftteennttiimmeess,, II bbllaammeedd mmyysseellff ffoorr nnoott bbeeiinngg ssttrroonngg eennoouugghh aanndd ffoorr llaacckkiinngg mmeennttaall ttoouugghhnneessss wwhhiicchh wwoouulldd aallwwaayyss lleeaavvee mmee pphhyyssiiccaallllyy bbaannggiinngg mmyy hheeaadd oonn mmyy ddeesskk aatt hhoommee oorr tthhee wwaallll iinn mmyy rroooomm aass aa ccooppiinngg mmeecchhaanniissmm.. UUnnffoorrttuunnaatteellyy,, II wwoouulldd hhaavvee lloovveedd ttoo sshhaarree mmoorree aabboouutt mmyy aaggee ooff aaddoolleesscceennccee bbuutt II aamm aaffrraaiidd ooff ggooiinngg ppaasstt oonnee ppaaggee.. II wwoouulldd lliikkee ttoo aappoollooggiizzee ffoorr hhooww ddaarrkk aanndd ggrriimmyy tthhiiss eessssaayy hhaass bbeeeenn,, bbuutt II aassssuurree yyoouu tthhiiss ppeerriioodd ooff mmyy lliiffee wwaass ffuunn aanndd bbeeaauuttiiffuull ttoooo!!

ADULTHOOD EARLY Adulthood. An adult is a child blown up by age. It is truly a scary concept to enter. Adulthood can do the most horrific things to the best of people, and that I find very daunting. Yet here I am, 20 and two years into my Early Adulthood. I can truly vouch for the scary parts yet, there truly are silver linings to becoming an adult or entering early adulthood. I turned 18 on March 3, 2020, and that basically signified that I was now an adult. Well, a young adult of course as early Adulthood covers ages 18-25. Nonetheless, I had bigger fish to fry and more complex responsibilities. I was excited at the same time nervous. I remember dreading the day I turned 18, but as that day went on, I was excited about the many possibilities and outcomes that would happen to me. Little did I know, I would spend my whole year of being 18 in a lockdown. During the lockdown, I was 5’7 and my weight at the time was probably 70 plus pounds. And because of my bad body image issues which are prevalent today, my weight and body fluctuated a lot. In a span of two years, I have gained and lost and re-gained the weight I lost and because of that, I find it hard to love my body and my physical attributes. In my two years in early adulthood, I have never felt the most insecure about my body until I reached the age of 18 which I find sad and unfortunate. However, I was very sickly during the year 2020, I was able to regain my health back by prioritizing my health a little bit more and being uber-hygenic.

ADULTHOOD EARLY Aside from turning 18 and being legal in terms of drinking alcohol, I also graduated from Senior High School. I got my diploma from Sacred Heart School Hijas de Jesus after being a part of the community since I was 6 years old. Finishing high school was such a big win and blessing to me because, in all honesty, I didn’t know if I could do it. And like all high school graduates, the next step was college. Before the summer of 2021, I thought I had myself figured out. I placed myself in a box away from other opportunities and possibilities which was a mistake since this stage of life is all about experimentation and exploration. With that in mind, I went in the summer before college undecided on what to take. That was also the time when I found myself in a state of re- evaluation and constant reflection that drove me nuts. Post formal thoughts, Piaget theorizes that young adults move into a new qualitative stage of thinking. Thinking deep about everything that comes in and goes and/or is present in one’s life. Ever since that summer, I think deeply about every little detail, which has its pros but sometimes can do more harm than good. After battling out myself that whole summer I finally came to a conclusion with my college course, which was Speech-Language Pathology, and for the first time in a long time, I felt very young and naive, and vulnerable. Truly the top-dog phenomenon is real and after feeling like a kuya in my previous school, I felt little in university and in college which was not wrong, just a weird and new feeling. However, ever since I entered college, I feel a little bit more grown-up and taken seriously. People actually show interest in what I have to say and they value my inputs and opinions unlike before when I was a bit younger. Or maybe that is just because I got a little bit smarter with what I have in mind and I filter out my opinion to fit the situation and the person I am talking to and its appropriate timing.

ADULTHOOD EARLY As for love and intimacy, everything has been in a constant whirlwind as the relationships I once had when I was younger either evolve or hit a dead end. I, just like any normal person my age, was attracted to people but it was only up to the extent of being infatuated with them and I was never really interested in building a romantic relationship with other people as I tend to keep to myself and have a weird and hard time committing to someone. I really focused on building deeper connections with the friendships that lasted to make them well, and long-lasting. My relationship with my family is okay. There is a mutual love present between me and my parents and my little sister. However, oftentimes they don’t seem to understand me and the way I act. It is true, that love and intimacy are very vital concepts in adulthood, but it is something that is still very daunting to me and terrifying. To conclude, I actually have yet to experience early adulthood to its fullest since covid still exists and we continue to be stuck at home which thankfully has not stunted my growth and development morally, cognitively, and socioemotionally. However, I still need to see, experience, and learn so much more and I have yet to do that. Hopefully, it only builds me to be a better and more realized person as the years go by.

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE UPBRINGING OF JOACHIM...

MIDDLE ADULTHOOD These are my parents. They live very successful careers and balance a healthy lifestyle. They both work in the government and they love books and movies. They have good relationships with their colleagues and peers. They love taking care off their skin and working out. My mom is 5'4 and my dad is 5'8 and they make a tall and cool looking pair even in their middle adulthood stage. However, My has a heart condition that he obtained genetically and the mother has a few ailments that come and go often. In terms of strength, joints, and bones, both are able to do activities normally. However, my mother opts not to bend down often when it comes to picking things up because she would feel momentary dizziness and a small pain at the spinal bone. In terms of vision and hearing, it is said that at this stage middle-aged individuals and their vision and hearing are at a decline. Both of my parents have reported a decline in vision but not much in hearing and still have sharp senses of hearing. In terms of blood pressure, both my parents only get high blood pressure when they find themselves in a very stressful situation/news. Lastly, stress comes into play in everybody’s life. But it is more rampant and plays a more powerful role in the middle adulthood life stage as stress is the reason why most middle-aged adults have diseases or experience a lot of sicknesses that come back once, twice, or thrice. Both my parents have jobs where it is more susceptible for one to be stressed easily thus, they do get stressed often hence, the occasional doctor consultations and visits during their free time. However, both parents manage stress wisely and healthily despite said circumstances. Mentally and emotionally, my father has anger issues and my mom tends to over react and panic easily and they are doing their best in controlling such emotions.

LATE ADULTHOOD grandparents These are my grandparents. My grandparents from from father's side my father’s side both lived longer than their expected age of death (F-1932-62yrs; M-1936-57yrs), however, grandparents from my grandmother (83) passed on earlier than my mother's side grandfather (80). While on my mother’s side, my grandparents died at a younger age in late adulthood but lived longer than their estimated life expectancy rate ( F-1947-70yrs; M-1945-64 yrs). First his grandfather (73) then my grandmother (73) a year after. This was of course experienced by the grandparents from both sides of my family. My grandparents were, of course, slower at movement than younger adults, and because of this, the slowing occurs for movements with a wide range of difficulty, like running or going up and down stairs. However, both my grandparents were regular walkers thus, it decreased the onset of physical disability and reduced their functional limitations and so none of them were ever seen holding a cane or were in wheelchairs. In terms of vision, hearing, and other aspects of sensory functioning, both grandparents had problems of course. However, they were not that unusual or serious at all. It was normal and natural especially when they were nearing their age of death. They reported to have a loss in hearing, a decline in sight, loss of smell and become more sensitive to pain like back pain and joint pains. According to Lind & others (2018), cardiovascular disorders increase in late adulthood which was then validated by the cardiovascular diseases both of my grandparents from both sides of my family experienced. Those health problems mentioned were the cause of their demise. All four grandparents had problems with their heart as three died from cardiovascular diseases/heart attacks and one died from covid and had very little lung capacity which further led her to her demise. On a more positive note, they lived longer than they were estimated to be and that can be positively linked to exercise and nutrition as exercise and healthy nutrition is linked to longevity and the prevention of an earlier death. All four grandparents regularly ate healthy food every single day and made sure to incorporate movement each day by walking to church, watering plants, cleaning the house or playing with their grandchild which was me and my sister.

ENDINGS Loss can take many forms in our lives—divorce, the death of a pet, or losing a job. But none is more devastating than the death of someone we love and care about. My grandmother died around 2015 when she was hospitalized and died after a few days in the hospital. Communicating with a dying person must be effective, genuine, and sincere. Thus, most psychologists argue that it is best for dying individuals to know that they are dying and for significant others to know they are dying so they can interact and communicate with each other on the basis of this mutual knowledge (Banja, 2005). I was only 13 when I first experienced death in my life. My grandmother was on the brink of her ending and, at first, my way of communicating was denial. I spent a great amount of time with her and she remains a great deal to me. However, I could not imagine a world without his grandmother thus, I kept his distance. During her last year, I however, made efforts to communicate with her. By visiting her at our ancestral home, talking to her whenever I was asked on the phone, to holding her hand as she lay in a coma at the hospital during her last few remaining weeks on earth. Since my grandmother was always distraught, no one was really able to communicate with her deeply during that part of her life, thus death and funeral arrangements were solely decided by my father and auntie, and grandfather. When she passed away, I had a hard time processing what had happened. I was there that day and whispered to her ear while she was on life support. By the end of that night, I was unable to speak or cry. In fact, I never cried at all – until recently (2022). My grief was not showy like my father or auntie’s – it was silent. Up to the funeral and to her ashes being placed in Tabor Hills, he was still in utter disbelief. At the time I asked myself why I couldn’t cry out for his grandmother. But one should know that grief is not a simple emotional state but rather a complex one. There are many dimensions of grief and my “grief” at the time, had acceptance to some extent. I felt like I was not able to process my grandmother’s death fully hence, why for the very first time in years since her death, I mourned her. Deaths that are sudden, untimely, violent, or traumatic are likely to have more intense and prolonged effects on surviving individuals and make the coping process more difficult for them (Creighton & others, 2018; Feigelman & others, 2018; Pitman & others, 2018).My grandmother’s death was, in a way, sudden. She was expected to live longer. Issues with land inheritance and having five younger siblings ganging up on one would most likely take the life out of an individual. With nephews and nieces and her own siblings opposing my family and grandmother, my grandmother fell into deep depression and anxiety. My grandmother’s health ailments worsened which led to her fast and sudden decline and eventually to her demise because of such stress. As a coping mechanism for my immediate family, chose not to speak to the rest of the family for some time after the funeral service. Arguments and fights would happen so often that even I would put my two cents in defense of my grandmother. One of my coping mechanisms is making sure to defend my grandmother’s name when disrespected. That was one way of remembered her. Another coping mechanism was by getting some of her dress pants and only wearing them on special occasions. I like my grandmother bonded over the love of clothes and so I felt that it was right that some of her belongings lived on by reusing or re-wearing them. As mentioned, my whole family mourned heavily except for him. I had a harder time accepting his grandmother’s death since he did not show any emotion at all. But as acceptance came, there was only forward and up. Acceptance makes an individual not look back in deep regret or sadness of a person’s death but look forward with positivity and well, acceptance. And that certainly materialized with my first experience of death and grief.

ASPIRATIONS My aspirations as I reach middle adulthood is to be like my parent. Successful in their career and be driven to living healthily. Hard working and determined in everything I do. Career wise, family wise (If I do have one), as a friend to my friends and as a citizen of my country. However, I do want to be wiser beyond my years and have critical and good judgement in everyday life and in all aspects of my middle adulthood life. Physical wise, I want to be fit and healthy and look sexy. i want to look attractive and younger than my age. I hope that as i get older my sould continually grows and I have reached my very peak as myself and as a human. I wan to continue to love music and reading books and wearing nice clothes. At the same time, I do hope and aspire that by the time I reach my parents age, I will still love people greatly,deeply and genuinely, ust like my early adult self is doing now. May it be friends, family members, or a special someone. I wish to still be kind and genuine as they are my strongest traits and pray and hope to God my anxiety and suicidal tendences leave me by that time. I pray to have less anger and hatred in my heart by then and just be simply happy. Same goes to my late adulthood stage. Healthy, fulfilled and happy in all aspects and sectors in my life. As for my endings, I just bank on a peaceful and quick death. I do not want to be crowded over a wheelchair or a hospital bed, croaking and barely moving. I want to be killed immedietly and quickly. I would then want to have a funeral service (if I end up having a family they can organize it or if I don't hopefully my sister and her family will handle it then). I would want my favorite songs from my time to be played during the funeral whether it be kpop to opm rock, they need to be played. Lastly, I would wnt to be cremated at the end and be placed wherever my parents will be placed.

THE END A FINALS PROJECT CURATED & CREATED BY : JOACHIM PRESAS