RISE, A Modern Guide for the Purpose Driven Woman Winter 2014

RISE a modern guide for the purpose driven woman EcoLuxe destinations Spring Break ideas that make a difference #Pnterestng! Ready, Set, GO! A dozen of the Tips for launching the New hottest people to Year with intention & focus follow this season Female Warriors What it really means to be a woman serving our country at home and abroad. Stories from active duty & retired, decorated combat veterans. Unapologetically Authentic! Real World Business Advice with Barbara Viteri Winter 2014 joannabaileydesigns.com

Hello 2014! D We know how excited you are at the start of the New Year! The energy is palpable. Everyone makes resolutions, sets goals, takes part in myriad rituals... from Bowl Game campouts {glampouts folks} to black eyes peas & ham, the options are endless to usher in the year in style. We thought that with this, the frst issue of our newest endeavor, aligning with a brand spanking new year, we would share our prayers & hopes for 2014 with you! Dear 2014, We ask that you share your wealth. Your wealth of knowledge, understanding, kindness, good will, sunshine, health, opportunity, friendship, love and grace. We will need those things to forge through the days that challenge us, shake our trees, the days that scare the pants off us, and the days that bring us to our knees. We ask that you bring more people together than you tear apart. We ask that you open doors, connect people who may otherwise never meet, and offer unique ways to share our abundance. This year, we would love to see more positive, impactful media coverage of women. Women who are daring greatly {thank you Brene Brown}, women who try, try, & try again, and women who are stepping into leadership roles across all felds... so that they may garner a greater share of support from their peers & inspire others to #leanin. We ask that you keep our faith strong, our intentions focused and our determination unyielding. We also ask for all the little things that girls love... happy children, more time with our families, longer shoe sales, fresh fowers on our desks, date nights with the partners we love, Brunch dates with mimosas & true blue friends to share it all with! Thank you for the fresh slate, countless opportunities and the courage to pursue them, and all the joy waiting to be discovered this year... we cannot wait to get started!

Adventure Odyssey Dominican Republic July 13 ~ 17, 2014 It’s called the Adventure Odyssey for a reason. This retreat is not for the faint of heart. If you are ready to stretch yourself and take on physical challenges, then this is the trip for you! Five days of leadership training & personal development with a Private Chef, Group Trek Leader, daily outdoor activities, spa treatments and more! Hosted in a beautiful, fve star private resort in the unforgettable Dominican Republic. All Inclusive. Join Us! This annual event is designed to serve an intimate group, and limited to only 24 guests. For more details email [email protected]. Registration is Open NOW! Designed & Hosted by Women Who RISE 20% of the sales for this event will be donated to:

RISE Joanna Bailey Founder & Editor in Chief Features Editor Dana Eldridge | Grace McLain Creative Team Joanna Bailey | Dana Eldridge | Grace McLain National Sales Director Dana Eldridge East Coast Sales Manager Sarah Carleton West Coast Sales Manager Barb Dufault Marketing & Press Assistant Anne Kearcher Design Assistant Jessica Cargile Research Joanna Bailey | Dana Eldridge | Grace McLain to submit artwork [email protected] to learn more about advertising with us [email protected] to submit Female Warrior stories [email protected] to submit Voices for Justice stories [email protected] RISE is owned & published by Joanna Bailey Designs Copyright 2013 P.O. Box 536 Davidson, NC 28036 [email protected]

“This is the perfect moment RISE for this important book which advances the conversation about how to provide and care for yourself and your family, while Featured Contributors living a happy and meaningful life. Liz O’Donnell does a wonderful job combining the stories of real women, with helpful research, and specifi c action steps.” – Jacki Zehner, CEO Women Moving Millions and former partner and managing director, Goldman Sachs Available now at Amazon, Meryl Hartstein Barbara Viteri Barnes and Noble, and your favorite local retailers! Read more from Liz O’Donnell: www.helloladies.com and on Twitter @helloladies Camden Hoch Hedy DiCarlo



“Birth, Breath & Death: Meditations on Motherhood, Chaplaincy and Life as a Doula” by Amy Wright Glenn Philosophy, religion and love infuse this thoughtful set of observations. -Kirkus Reviews Amy Wright Glenn’s collection of essays is flled with wisdom that arises from her own life journey as an esteemed high school teacher, inner-city hospital chaplain, birth doula, yoga teacher, daughter, wife, mother, and thoughtful, intuitive human being. - Sharon Salzberg, Author of Real Happiness and Lovingkindness Filled with a wisdom that touches into the great mystery, “Birth, Breath, and Death” is a poetic and beautiful reading experience. -Tara Brach, Ph.D. Author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge I hope “Birth, Breath, and Death” will fnd its way into many, many hands: mothers-to-be, midwives, physicians, nurses, educators, doulas and healers of all kinds. Amy Wright Glenn writes about birth and birthing ourselves, as well as our babies. Five stars. -Suzanne Arms, Director of Birthing Te Future and Author of Immaculate Deception New York Times Best Book of the Year I found myself re-reading, lingering, pausing to think and to settle into the peace and love that pervades every word in this little but powerful book. - Peggy Vincent, Author of Baby Catcher “Birth, Breath, and Death” is a beautifully written meditation about motherhood, chaplaincy and life as a doula. -Jeanne Faulkner, Senior Writer/Editor for Every Mother Counts and author of Te Complete Illustrated Birthing Companion Amy Wright Glenn sensitively and poetically explores the nature of our most profound experiences. -Sudha Carolyn Lundeen, Senior Kripalu Yoga Teacher Trainer I recommend “Birth, Breath, and Death” to any person who appreciates well-crafed narratives of growth and transformation, especially those professionals engaged in the work of spiritual and physical nurture. -Tedford J. Taylor, Director of Pastoral Care & Training at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital Hamilton Amy Wright Glenn’s memoir has stayed with me long afer I fnished it. -Tina Cassidy, Author of Birth: Te Surprising History of How We Are Born If you like narrative non-fction about real women doing real work, their struggles, fears, failures and triumphs her story is for you. Te energy of birth crackles on every page. Amy has delivered one amazing book. -Patricia Harman CNM, author of Te Midwife of Hope River, Arms Wide Open: A Midwife’s Journey and Te Blue Cotton Gown Amy Glenn has written an inspiring, intuitive, and informative book that should fall into the hands of everyone working in the feld of birth, including mothers. I found myself re-reading sections of the book because I found that one read through deserved another. An amazing piece of literature sure to inspire you. -Jessika Bailey, Natural Mother Magazine Rarely is there a book that so deeply touches your soul and has you ponder, celebrate and reveal in life’s mysteries and connections. -Debra Pascali-Bonaro, Creator and Director of Orgasmic Birth, Chair of the International MotherBaby Childbirth Organization

letter from the Edior Deciding to launch a magazine is an interesting journey. The day I told my team I had a new great idea their reaction was half wild enthusiasm and half total confusion... which is the reaction most of my ideas elicit. There were a lot of questions, and it continues to be a learning experience. Our audience, which has grown to trust our platforms online, has been beyond supportive. Being able to offer an added medium for women is a privilege and a responsibility. I am thrilled to share their powerful messages, and humbled by the deep respect that is growing among these ladies. What started as a group of one with a big vision has blossomed into a network of women who intend to champion, nurture and embolden a variety of missions. One of the common threads among us is that we are women of many passions and strong inten- tions. We know that we are in great company, and that you are here because you are also a woman on a mission {or perhaps a fella who supports a woman on one!}. What can you expect from RISE? Dynamic content, calls to action, resources that you can connect with, and unbridled conversation. RISE offers intelligent and captivating content for the purpose driven woman. The woman who has a lot to say, and is seeking a forum to participate in engaging conversations will fnd a home here. Women who want to support great brands, grassroots organizations and critical needs in their communities and abroad will be inspired. What you won’t fnd here... stories of how you can lose weight, look prettier, debates on butter vs lard in pie crust or the best jeans for your shape. What difference will thoe thing make in fve, ten, ffty years? We believe that you are beautiful as you are and that it’s photo credit: Alison Vagnini Photography high time that a magazine for women speaks to bigger, brighter, more relevant topics. We are working hard to deliver just that. Some of our stories and contributors will stoke a fre, and some will capture your heart. Each of these women are real, live, hard working, compassionate people. They are your neighbors, your teachers, your healthcare providers, the women who bravely serve our country. They started out just as you and I have, with a dream, a story to share and a whole lot of faith. Always a writer, this process has been full of opportunity to lean in to that passion, and offer space to others who share it. As a designer, creating something that is both visually and mentally stimulating has been so much fun! Collaborating with my peers brings immense joy, and there are very few days that feel like ‘work’. Inspiration is all around us, and I believe that life is rich with potential just waiting to be tapped. Join us in conversation on Facebook, or write to us at [email protected] with your thoughts and ideas! We are always seeking brilliant contributors! You can reach me directly at joanna@ joannabaileydesigns.com. I sincerely hope that each of you fnd brands, organizations and leaders that resonate with your purpose driven life! Rising together, Joanna

+DESIGN +CONSTRUCTION +CONSULTING +MANAGEMENT From the very first meeting, our in-house team of experts will begin to utilize these four essential divisions of expertise to strengthen working to improve, enhance and “make four point your design-build project structure, while beautiful” your quality of life, health, work, DESIGN / CONSTRUCTION / CONSULTING / MANAGEMENT and home by envisioning, designing and RESIDENTIAL+COMMERCIAL building environments that provide order, INTERIOR DESIGN 4 inspire creativity, and generate good health, HOME+WORK+LIFE productivity and enduring joy!!! FROM CONCEPT TO TURNKEY www.4PTDC.com CONTACT US E [email protected] T 818.564.4161 FOLLOW US + JOIN THE CONVERSATON LIC B #982460



In T his Issue! Winter 2014 Ready, Set, GO! Simple tips to starting your year with intention & focus #Pnterestng! Our Top 10 pinners to follow this winter A Voice for Justice Eco Former Mrs. New Jersey, Hedy DiCarlo shares her personal experiences inside the justice system. Luxe destinations Unapologetically Authentic Lessons in business from the always candid Barbara Viteri of Viteri Style Management Furrrrr Babies Are you a responsible pet owner? Rise y Shine! Great habits to develop this year for a Female Warriors smart start to your day! What it really means to be a woman serving our country at home and abroad. Stories from active duty & retired, decorated combat veterans.



Rise y Shine Here are a few tried and true tips for tearing Write a beseeching note to yourself the night before and your pillow put it on top of your alarm clock yourself away from so that you have to see it before and into action: hitting snooze. You know what written by Grace McLain motivates you better than anyone Skip the coffee – the alertness you get from caffeine is artifcial else! energy that can create depen- We know that you have within dence, an increased heart rate, you the power to rise and truly Make plans with a workout digestional issues, and gen- shine, going out to conquer each buddy so that if you sleep in eral stress, all while not actually day with strength, accomplishing and don’t show, you’re not only providing fuel for your body. more than anyone else thought letting yourself down, but also a Instead, try yerba mate (antioxi- possible. However, when that friend. dants), green tea (caffeine with- alarm goes off in what feels like out the jitters), wheatgrass shots the dead of night, the last thing Create a reward for yourself - (natural energizer with tons of you want to do is rise. You can’t make a delicious smoothie, your vitamins), rooibos tea (immune- imagine even doing a zombie favorite kind of muffns, or a boosting), or caffeine-free herbal crawl to work, much less shining yummy quiche the day before coffee (so you don’t have to give as your best self. But we’ve got and tell yourself you’re ONLY up that great coffee taste). These some tips for harnessing your in- allowed to have it if you work out coffee-alternatives provide better ner vitality from the frst moment frst! Otherwise, it’s oatmeal (with quality energy than your regular of consciousness to the last, so no brown sugar!) or faxseed dis- cup of joe along with many other that you have the best day every solved in water for you, buddy. health benefts to keep you going day. all day. Read a motivational mantra You’ve heard it a million times or quote to yourself while you But NEVER skip breakfast! – the best way to start off your brush your teeth. Personally, I If you know you’re rushed in day is with exercise, you need like to tape something to my mir- the mornings, and fnd your- to get your blood fowing frst ror and keep it there for a week, self regularly hurrying out the thing, yada yada... but when you or until I’ve really memorized door on an empty stomach, try hear the familiar beeping of that and internalized it. preparing breakfasts the night wretched alarm, every cell in before. There are also plenty of your body seems to scream for Wake up 5 minutes earlier than on-the-go breakfast foods sold at you to stay in your warm cozy necessary and spend those 5 grocery stores, with less than a bed for another 45 minutes and minutes just sitting on your minute between preparation and skip the workout. The scientifc porch, staring out the window, consumption. But be very care- studies, sound advice, and weight listening to music, or cuddling ful – these kinds of quick and loss goals go fying out the win- with your kids. The moments easy foods are often stuffed with dow. Just remember, though, as help to center and calm you, preservatives and excess sugar. A soon as you get up and moving, providing a grounded start to the healthy breakfast is essential for those ignorant cells will thank day and a necessary pause in the a healthy, productive and won- you! continual go-go-go. derful day!



You know what I LOVE? I love that its “IN” to be socially responsible! I love that the cool thing to do is “go green”, eat organic and clean, buy “made in Furrrr the USA”, support our local businesses, and give back to our communities! I hope these things NEVER go out of style. We have a long way to go to fix some of the messes we have made, but these evolving social movements give me hope, and I can think of one more we should be adding to the list: Babies! being socially responsible when it comes to pet ownership. What does that mean? It means being a responsible pet owner, and it Socially Responsible means if you aren’t able to be, then choosing not to own a pet in the first place. Being a responsible pet owner means a lot of things, but I’d like to Pet Selection focus on just one of those at the moment: Choosing to adopt/rescue a pet by Dana Eldridge instead of buying one from a pet store or breeder. It’s time to be part of the solution rather than the problem. This is a decision millions of Americans face each year, but too many of us have some common misconceptions when it comes to shelter animals that I think it is finally time to clear up. Here are 3 common myths about adopting a shelter or rescue animal, and a little clarification: It is estimated that between 4 to 6 million HEALTHY adoptable cats and dogs are euthanized every 3. Shelter animals have emotional year, simply because there are too many. issues and might be dangerous or hard to handle. False and true... Let’s dig a little deeper. First of all, any 2. You can’t find pure breed animals shelter or rescue organization worth in shelters. FALSE. The truth is 25% it’s salt (and even most that aren’t) do of shelter/rescue animals are pure- behavioral testing. The biggest rea- bred!!! That’s 1/4 of all of the animals son for this is that if they adopt out needing homes; that’s MILLIONS of a dangerous animal and something purebreds waiting for homes! Also, happens, they could be held respon- they won’t cost you the THOUSANDS sible. They don’t want that, trust me. of dollars a breeder or pet store When you visit the shelter you want will charge you. For example, most to ask about the specific animals you will typically charge a few hundred are looking at, find out their back dollars and for that they will do story, and ask what potential issues a comprehensive medical exam(s), they think that animal may have, if 1. Shelters and rescue groups don’t spay/neuter, microchip, and get them any. Most shelter animals are grateful have puppies/kittens. FALSE. While I through at least a few rounds of for a 2nd chance at life that they will highly recommend making sure you shots. Breeders and pet stores usu- bend over backwards to make you have the time and patience for a ally do about half of that or less for happy. Some animals have behavioral baby animal before adopting one, much, much more money. So, where issues including bad manners (never if you are dead set on getting a should you look? Google! Simply trained properly) or anxiety (scared kitten or puppy there are PLENTY in type in (breed type) rescue (your city of people, loud noises, etc.). I’d like shelters. For kittens there is more of a or state). For example: Labradoodle you to take a minute to picture WHY “season” when you are more likely to Rescue Nashville. I would also just an animal may have developed find them (spring, summer, and early search the breed type and “rescue” these issues. Go ahead, think about fall) but you can still find them all (without the city or state) because a it. They may have been abused, year in shelters; you just might have lot of rescue organizations cross state neglected, or had to live life as a to do a little more legwork in the off lines! stray, among many awful possibilities. season. Dogs don’t have a season; Will you make the socially responsible If that doesn’t make you want to give you can and will find a puppy easily decision the next time you welcome a them a warm home, some love, and anytime. Where should you look? Try help them work through those issues your local shelters first, but you can new four-legged member to the family? then simply ask about and look for always use petfinder.com as an ad- Come on, it’s the “IN” thing to do! the more well-adjusted animals, there ditional resource to help you! are PLENTY of them as well.





What is like to be on top of your game? The always candid Barbara Viteri, Owner of Viteri Style Management, offers insight into what it takes to manage a successful business. Barbara’s take-no-prisoners style is what she is known for, and what her clients count on to keep them on track! With years under her designer belt, Barbara knew when it was time to launch her own dynamic brand, and has risen to New York skyline heights by being unapologetically A uthentic Viteri Style Management is based in New York and serves clients around the country. viterstylemanagement,com

The Intuitive Business Woman The Intuitive Business Woman Barbara Viteri Manages Small Business Challenges with Viteri Style A uthentic Introduction by Joanna Bailey Story by Barbara Viteri Photography by Allan Barnett

I’m thrilled with the tremendous suc- cess my company has achieved in less than two years, but I know my rapid growth is a direct result of hard work, gut instincts and how well I can per- form under pressure. I still have a lot to prove to myself. I felt there was a void in the interior design industry for practical business management services. Tere were plenty of industry consultants with a corporate fair that were unrelatable to startups and there were plenty of interior designers curving their place as an industry expert, but nobody was really creating practical business management solutions for the small boutique design frms. I wanted to cater my business to the solopreneur designer who wanted to run an empire with just a handful of people and stay boutique style. Making the Cut Never Assume Someone is Not everyone is cutout to be a business Smarter than You owner and there is absolutley nothing yourself of to go at it again diferently. wrong with taking on a position as a It’s inevitable at some point you will I’m not a big believer in hiring team player for a business owner, but fail in your business, but the key is how consultants. Many have proved to be for me I had been there, done that and quickly you bounce back. Te frst 9 a waste of time and money and when got the T-shirt to remember it. I grew months into my startup I was using you are a small business you are tired of working hard to make other a sofware to help my clients manage limited on both. Personally I cringe- people money. I saw characteristics in their businesses better. Te sofware when someone calls me a Business myself that qualifed me to be a leader was a nightmare to learn, not only for Consultant. I do provide consulting and that is what I decided to persue. my clients but for me as well. It was services amongst my highly sought Once I pinpointed my passion of help- costing my company a lot of money afer book keeping, team training and ing small design frms learn to run in in training lessons and my clients support assistance, but I prefer to be a lean, mean tight machine fashion, I were not happy with the results. I was looked at as an entrepreneur or simply pressed hard to formulate Viteri Style afraid to go back to the drawing board. a business woman in the know. I have Management. It goes without saying It meant I failed my clients, my new experienced some shady representation to build a business is tough. You must venture, me. At the time I could not from what the industry would consider learn to thrive on pressure and never see that this was just a minor setback. experts in their feld. For instance, give up. Making the cut all comes Luckily I made the decision to switch there is a business consultant who took down to basic instints and an unpen- sofware companies and was able to the liberty of taking my photo of the etreble mindset to be successful in your bounce back quickly. I made agree- internet and falsely using a testimonial venture. If you lose sight of that, you ments with the new company not to as an endorsement from my business. should consider the alternative. pay for training and monthly fees. I What this person failed to realize is was able to recoup my losses within that designers are smart enough to Failure is an Option a few months and grow my business see this and call me directly for an more efectively soon afer. In fact, explanation. Tis puts me in a posi- Tere is so much fear in failing when more than half my clients switch be- tion to divulge information that will starting a business. Sometimes minor cause they saw how quickly I was able not be fattering to their business and setbacks can mean the diference be- to bounce back. Failure is an option is clearly not a great representation of tween throwing in the towel or dusting only if you can recoverer quickly. that frm’s business practices.

Mind you this was supposed to be an coming designerlebrities themselves. true to themselves and create an em- industry expert that should know this. Now I have added fabulous photos of pire to be proud of. Don’t change for One of the most important things to my wonderful clients and included anyone or for any amount. recognize is that you don’t know some humbling testimonials. I have Be unapologetically authentic. everything, but be smart to build also added a press page to highlight the relationships with the right people. wonderful people that took interest in You Can Go Hard or You I choose to work one-on-one with sharing VSM to the world. My website Can Go Home professionals who are not necessarily now incorporates the accurate reality related to my industry. I forge bonding of my perception. It goes without saying that to grow friendships with no agenda which has your business you will have to take helped me build a company where my Be Unapologetically risks. Taking risks means getting out heels are higher than the standards of Authentic of your comfort zone and assess- some people. ing every angle that will beneft your When I hear people talk about me, the growing company. I get asked to do Perception Creates Reality words “real” and “unfltered” come up speaking engagements, but always a lot. I am not sure if I should be decline. I have stage fright and, to be I coined the phrase “Designerlebrity” fattered or concerned, but hey, you honest, sometimes can be a bore. One when I noticed there were interior could be called worse. Once your day I was asked by the Decoration and designers who were like celebrities in business gains momentum and all eyes Design Building in New York what it the industry. So much so that I became are on you, it’s easy to lose yourself. would take for me to do one. I gave it enamored with them. I was giddy to You put a magnifying glass on every some thought and said I would rather meet and speak with these design- move you make because you worry moderate an event with my selection ers that were either on popular TV people will not get you and it could of guests and questions. I made a list of shows, had launched new products and afect your business. I just can’t roll this demands to conduct it in a noticeable authored books. Some I had known for way and prefer not to put that kind of showroom and wanted a relaxed and years and others I simply wanted to get pressure on myself. Te best partner- intimate setting with cocktails for all to to know. I took photos of those mo- ships are based on chemistry. I have enjoy. To my surprise, they complied! I ments for the purpose of remembering successful working relationships with have never even performed in a school the connection and posted them on my my clients because they genuinely like play and now I had to conduct an website. I didn’t realize the perception me. I gained respect with my industry event during one of New York’s highly those photos had given my company. peers because my opinions are promoted Markets. I took the risk and Within weeks I started to get calls from honest and unfltered. Some of my it paid of. Te event “Don’t Hate the PR Agents, Bloggers, Publishers and biggest mentors embrace this same Players, Change the Game” was a Designerlebrities themselves to learn concept and they are able to stay great success. It was praised and more about what I did. Tat accidental perception gave me the opportunity to present my business to some of the most recognizable names in the in- dustry. I was quickly growing into a celebrity of my own. When this started to happen I had to pay close attention to how my business was being repre- sented. Tere were pros and cons. Te pros were that I didn’t need to pay for marketing or advertising. People were impressed by me and my business. Tey wanted to share VSM as the new insider for the design community. Te cons were that my potential clients perceived me to be unafordable as my perception showed I only dealt with the best in the business. Basically my website played the greatest hits and never showed the wonderful up-and- Barbara with Interior Design Icon, David Easton

requested to be taken on the road. I The Competition Dealing with Haters still decline speaking engagements, but I am leaving the options open. Insecurity has been my biggest motiva- “As soon as you succeed they are com- You never know. tor. Some things just work because you ing afer you.” –Donald Trump. I see don’t know they are impossible. I love myself still striving for success, but Know Your Worth helping interior designers learn to man- there are people who will want to take age their own businesses. My mind is you out before you even get started just Designers try to bait me with always running on passion to come up for sport. In my short business lifespan questions on what other designers with solutions, unique products and I was shocked by how quickly people charge for their services. My answer better services to build the ultimate can turn on you for whatever reason is always the same; “Tey charge what boutique style design frm. Te idea of they feel necessary. It’s tough to take they are worth.” When I was trying to being capable of running a multi- the high road and ignore it. You feel fgure out my pricing structure I went million dollar empire with just a hand- hurt and betrayed when it comes from back to my real estate days. I would ful of people is what Viteri Style Man- peers, friends and family. But I learned tell my sellers, “Your home is worth agement is all about. I never saw as im- a great lesson from Mr. Trump in how what the market will pay you.” It’s a possible; I just did not think I could do to handle Haters. reality check, but a true statement. Te it. I recognized that self sabotage was economy is volatile and people are less my biggest competitor. Tere will al- brand loyal these days. Designers are ways be someone who will look at your learning the hard fact that they must business and say “I can do that better.” pay attention to their market and their You can choose to look at them and la- client’s needs rather than following the bel them as your competitor or ask the archaic business models they have been same question of yourself and be your used to. Tey are learning to build their own competition. You’ll fnd yourself to worth by selling their expertise and be the most difcult person to compete talent and not by comparing with and, if you are able to get past your themselves to others. Tey understand insecurities, you will be able to handle their worth goes up by the press they those who want to take you down with get and valuable word of mouth from greater ease. happy clients.

When you get hit you hit back harder. care for. I live in a home that requires complete during the my start of the Obviously this does not mean get- so much renovation it would qualify day which is 5am. I am fulflled by my ting physical, but publicly letting it be to be on DYI’s hit TV show, Million family and business venture that I don’t known you are not a doormat. You Dollar Contractor. I am also a business mind losing sleep. I look forward to can do this through showcasing your woman building a small company into taking on the day. Tis is my balance achievements, the admiration from a brand. Everyone is catching on to that works for me most of the time, highly respectable leaders and (my the fact that there really is no balance. but as someone once told me, “Athletes favorite) personally taking the time to All you have are your priorities. I try play while injured and working moms confront them at industry events to to keep the balance in my life by being run businesses while exhausted.” Find make them sweat in front of you. Never organized, treating my calendar like a your balance and continue to focus on hide from your haters. Kill them with military operation and creating lists to what’s important. kindness and be prepared to “Law- yer Up” as most haters don’t run to “Athletes play while injured their mommies for support, but their lawyers. Here is another statement to adhere to: “Don’t take it personal; it’s and working moms run just business.” Balance businesses while exhausted.” I’m a wife, mother of two young Bethenny Frankel children and have two elderly parents I



According to ILO (International La- bor Organization), the estimated total global profts from Human Trafcking are $34 billion a year 21 billion forced labor 13 billion for sex trafcking More males victims are now being recuited for the labor force. The statistics are staggering! But people don’t want to see it. 800,000 American children missing per year, with 1 out of 3 of them being forced into sex slavery. That is approxi- mately TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THOUSAND of our children being competely dehumanized PER YEAR! Human Trafficiking, the numbers

I distinctly remember sitting there in a nearly empty barracks room, on a green wool blanket covered mattress, next to my best friend. We were huddled next to each other, opposite a digital movie camera she had set up minutes before. The topic of discussion was our upcoming completion of the United States Army Basic Airborne Course at Fort Benning, Georgia. She and I had done this many times, talking to and at each other, posing questions for our future selves, making predictions, voicing secrets and truths, immortalized in a digital state for later review. I often found myself talking to myself in my head during these recording sessions, wondering what I should and shouldn’t say to my future self. Now I span across the last 11-plus years, two divorces complete by me, one marriage in progress for her; two children by me, none yet on the horizon for her. Countless months of separation and lack of con- tact never seems to afect the solidity of our friendship. I actually think of it more as a relationship; something almost as a constant “aside” from whatever else is going on in our lives. Whenever things are really bad, or I need to make a re- ally important decision, it is really important that I get to talk to her. Not because I will ask her for her advice on what I’m doing. We may not even discuss the topic on hand, but more just to make that quick connection and gain a sense of familiarity. Somehow it just helps to talk to someone who I know understands me no matter how far away we are. These are the things that I gained from my time in the military for which I am grateful. Female Warriors written by Lady 6 Sophia breaks the silence in the car Adrian knows that a lot of it is lost on Te stresses of being on active duty and asks “Mommy, would you ever kill the girls, but she wants to at least give in the Army, living a four-hour drive someone?” Adrian was in a constant Sophia an answer as to why Mommy away from her daughters and ex- state of anxiousness about felding said she would kill another human be- husband, coupled with the controversy questions like these from her daugh- ing. Adrian also wants them to under- between friends, family and estranged ters. Sophia is only 5 years old, but stand that if anyone ever tried to hurt ex-in-laws over why the girls live with asks provocative questions, and her Sophia or Taylor, Mommy would also their father instead of their mother. sister Taylor, only 18 months younger, hurt that person to protect them. So- Afer Adrian announced that her will ask questions whose maturity phia asks “Is that like what you do in ex-husband and her were separating, stops you dead in your tracks. Afer a the Army? Protect people?” Adrian ex- and the girls were going to go with him never-ending fve second pause Adrian plains that sometimes there are people to live at frst, many mutual friends, responds “Would I ever kill someone that do not have the means with which individual friends and even family if they were threatening my life? Yes.” to defend themselves against an unjust members balked at the idea of the girls Sophia seemed to not expect that enemy. Sophia replies, “You mean like being separated from their mother, response, and thought about it for sev- when bad people killed Jesus?” Adrian especially because Taylor was only 9 eral seconds before asking if Mommy thinks to herself: what do you say months old at the time. meant she would kill someone for work to that! So she said the most logical or outside of work or both? Adrian thing, “Yes Sophia, it’s exactly like that, Our Female Warrior spends the next 20 minutes of the except we try to stop the people that stories are protected, remaining car ride trying to explain to want to do harm before it happens.” and written under the Jane Smith by- a very smart 5-year old the principles Adrian hates that the precious little line. We believe in the of right and wrong as applied to people time that she gets to spend with her power of collective trying to kill you because of your race girls sometimes take shape of answer- voices and know that and nationality in the circumstances ing very difcult questions. together we can help of war. affect a change.

Adrian will always question herself, Meet Anne. Anne is a recently sepa- Active Duty Women Serving just never out loud. [I have to be the rated veteran from six years of active- Today: 214,098 strongest one for my family, can’t let duty military service in the United them know how scared I am. Did I States. Afer dedicating a large portion Percentage of the Military: 14.6% make the right decisions? Was it worth of her adult life, the fragrant years of being separated from my newborn and her young womanhood, Anne’s tour in Number of Female Veterans: toddler girls for 7 years to make sure the military is over. She struggles on 1,853,690 they had steady benefts and reliable a daily basis to endure the love from monetary support? Will my children her family and her boyfriend. Tey Though the gender diference is and my family ever forgive me for are all so loving and supportive, and not as evident as the civilian popula- continuously choosing to be away for it makes Anne want to scream. Anne tion, female Service members are work? I spent 12 years on active duty doesn’t sleep at night. She is haunted at least twice as likely to be single in the Army for a good reason, right?] by memories and nightmares of the parents, compared with male Service I believed in defending my country, physical abuse she sufered while in the members, in both Active Duty and freedom for my children and their military. Anne’s anxiety causes her to Reserve components. Of Service 1948: The Women’s Armed Services members who ever deployed to OEF/OIF, single parents make up 17 Integration Act of 1948 grants women percent* permanent status in the Regular and Reserve The current projected percentage of forces of the Army, Navy and Marine Corps as U.S. Veterans who are women is 10 percent** well as in the newly created Air Force. In Federal Year 2009, the average children to come, to set the ultimate finch in her sleep at the slightest noise age of women Veterans was 48 years, example of sacrifce (both for their because the most recent assault she compared to 63 years for their male beneft and at their expense). These sufered before getting of active duty counterparts** are the questions, and there are many was a forced entry-into her private more. They are endless, and now quarters-situation. She is discover- In FY 2009 and FY 2010 PTSD, that I chose to leave active duty in the ing that she sleeps best in the daytime hypertension, and depression were pursuit of my brand of happiness, I’ve hours when less people are moving the top three diagnostic categories risked it all. There is no more stabil- around in her house and she knows for women** ity, no reliable income, no midnight the door will stay locked and deadbolt- recalls, no more scrambling to fnd a ed once she engages them. She is afraid About 1 in 5 women seen in VHA babysitter with no notice overnight, to let her boyfriend (or any male) respond “yes” when screened for Mili- no more $2,000 plane tickets to see get too close to her, both literally and tary Sexual Trauma (MST)** my own children once a year. fguratively. Tis has forever impacted her life because she will always think Many late nights I fnd myself surfng about being brutalized at the wrong the web, browsing for ways to rein- time; she can’t hide the darkness that vent myself. I know I am not alone; I moves across her face when her boy- know there are thousands of veterans friend unknowingly grabs her in a way like myself, trying to fnd their way that reminds of an instance when she and their place. Even this superfcial was being abused. Anne doesn’t want existence is difcult to reach, and to talk to her boyfriend, or anyone, disallows attention or thought to per- about these events. It’s not for the sonal relationships, mending friend- reason most people would think. Anne ships afected by long distance and does not blame herself for being a vic- exhausting pauses, fnding the things tim in those events, Anne doesn’t want *Information from the Department of Defense, Report on the Impact of Deployment of Members of the Armed on a daily basis that make us happy to look into the eyes of her loved ones Forces on Teir Dependent Children, 2010 and fulflled as people and as women. gazing upon her and see pity. In Anne’s mind, talking about these things with **Information from the US Dept of Veterans Afairs

her boyfriend or family is too much of The visage of the female veteran will These are women who will overcome a risk to stir up that pity from them, never be the same. Many of them, their struggles and take control of the which is why she does not plan on sufering just as often as their male road to becoming the woman they ever speaking to them about it. Anne veteran counterparts from Post have always aspired to be. Find- knows she needs help, but she does not Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), ing themselves as friends, mothers, know where to start. To her friends, struggle to fnd themselves, regain wives, sisters, aunts, mentor, pil- family and boyfriend, Anne is strong, control of their womanhood, or some lar, daughter, lover, and so much indestructible, and free-thinking. Tey of them establishing themselves as a more; striking resounding chords do not suspect the struggle beneath the women outside of the Military for the that inspire a feeling of belonging to skin, hidden in invisible boots, which very frst time. The solution to solace the silent symphony playing in the she can never take of. Anne will fnd a for all of these women will carry a background. I speak to, for, with way to overcome her struggle. consistent thread of sharing their female veterans. Tell me your story at experiences with other like-minded [email protected]. The challenges that Adrian and Anne female veterans. are facing are the new face of the fe- Lady6 male veteran. Female veterans today, in 2014, are dealing with problem sets that were exclusive to men in the The frst three women to previous Baby Boomer generation. complete Marine infantry training Women are no longer as favored in some states as men for custody of graduated on November 21, 2013, a child. Women have worked their national symbols of the growing way into the “Good ‘ole Boy” system push to integrate women into in a man’s world, to the point that front-line combat units, and Generation X and younger women potent reminders of the barriers are not as distinguishable from the that remain. young men in the workforce. Women are being allowed in certain branches of service to serve in combat roles.

Zen Odyssey Outer Banks, North Carolina October 19-22, 2014 It’s called the Zen Odyssey for a reason. This retreat is designed for decompressing. If you are ready to grow, learn and contribute, then this is the trip for you! Five days of leadership training & personal development with World Class coaches, a Private Chef, our own Personal Yogi, spa treatments and more! Hosted in the breathtaking Outer Banks of North Carolina. All Inclusive. Join Us! This annual event is designed to serve an intimate group, and limited to only 24 guests. For more details email [email protected]. Registration Opens January 15th! Designed & Hosted by Women Who RISE

Ready, Set, GO! Simple tips to starting your year with intention & focus: restore ri-stor/ verb So here is my proposal: bring back (a previous right, practice, cus- 1. Take the re- off the words. This year, treat yourself. Don’t retreat. Charge tom, or situation); reinstate. ahead! Choose something new. Not renew. New NEW! Store… I don’t know, synonyms: reinstate, bring back, reinstitute, new shoes? Don’t reinstate anything. State what you want, who you are, and reimpose, reinstall, reestablish what you intend to do. Maybe what we need to do is take 2. Show up. For yourself, for those you love, and for those that you haven’t that re-part off of everything for met yet. Trust me… do it and you will see how that works. 2014. Why do we want to do it over? The mistakes we made, the leaps we 3. Digital detox. Maybe you can’t commit to weekends away from the buzz, didn’t take, maybe a few we did… life but set some limits for yourself and your precious sanity. In 2013, I stopped isn’t about do-overs! It’s about every sleeping with my iPhone under my pillow. That was big people! 2014… my single day being a fresh slate. Every goal is stop reading the news on my phone as soon as I open one eyeball single moment is an opportunity to each morning. {The iPhone now has its own pillow.} do it differently or better or bigger. Conversely, perhaps it’s time to slow 4. Take time away to clear the mechanism. I don’t just mean social media. down? Maybe last year was a roller I mean everything – no work, no laundry, no schedules. Time away. Maybe coaster, or bumper cars, or slow as the islands aren’t an option… swap homes with a friend for a week! Just get freakin molasses. I am not a huge into a clear headspace and allow the creativity to breed. fan of mapping out your life for years to come. I do believe in designing 5. No more rearview mirror. Focus on what lay ahead. All the road behind the life you want now. you is a part of your journey, but is not your destination. Set your eyes on the horizon. 6. We are faced with tough choices every single day, at work, at home and with all of those in our daily lives. It is easy to over-think things, to make emotional choices and/or to psych ourselves out. I encourage you to draw on this one thought when in those moments, remembering that you are part of the equation: #lovewins. 7. Last but not least… Have FUN! For the love of all things holy, life is meant to be enjoyed. Get out there and start a new friendship, meet a new love, find more to laugh at. Go on now…



The New Face There are times in our lives when we might become faced with adversity. It usually comes unexpected and with so much force that we are literally knocked of our feet. Our worlds become shattered and our life, as we knew it, starts to crumble. We are left broken. We are now faced with a choice. We can become bitter and live a life that is full of fear, regret, guilt and shame, or we can choose to become better and create a new normal, by fnding the resiliency inside to bounce back. The sooner you can decide, the easier it will be. We will begin to learn to put one foot in front of the other. You will discover a path to a journey of rebuilding and moving forward. There are four components to achieving this goal. In order to take the focus of of your pain, you will need to fnd a passion in your life, a purpose. Many times we take the actual adversity that we’ve gone through and fnd ways to empower others with the knowledge of our experiences. You are giving back by fnding compassion. It’s another way of helping others while healing yourself. The experience of giving, opens up your heart and brings you into a spiritual space. Of all the healing tools that there are, I believe gratitude is the strongest and most pure. If you are grateful, it’s impos- sible for you to feel anger, resentment and jealousy, those feelings cannot co-exist with gratitude. Lastly, it’s crucial to have a strong sense of self-worth. When you have gone through any adversity, for example; cancer, abuse, addiction, loss of a loved one, fnancial ruins etc., many times your self-worth is destroyed. It takes hard work and determination to build it back up. Letting go of shame is the key. Adversity does not discriminate. It does not know from race, religion, sexual orientation or net worth. It can happen to anyone at any time. No one is protected and no one is exempt. When we recover from adversity, we are left with a rare gift. We have now developed a strength that not many have. We have become fghters, warriors and we need to wear our badges of honor proudly. We cannot feel sorry for our- selves and bathe in self-pity, for we are no longer victims. We have a knowledge that we’ve earned about life and survival that not many share. I have survived abuse, divorce, cancer, a child with addiction, and a special needs grandchild. I didn’t allow it to destroy me. Instead I made the right decision. I built a life of happiness and success. I found my passion and gave back to society. My gratitude overfows and my thirst for knowledge is unstoppable. I am the new face of adversity. I became the role model I want for my children and grandchildren to see. My intensions are pure and my heart is full. If I can survive, so can you. Meryl Hartstein Meryl Hartstein has a private coaching practice in Rockland, New York.

The New Face Adversity of [email protected] www.bouncebackwomen.com Published Author, Strategic Life & Re- lationship Coach, Celebrity Confdence Expert, Guest Speaker Founder of: “Bounce Back Women” a non for proft organization Blogtalk Radio Show: Bounce Back Women Books: “You Were Born to Shine” Confdence for Women, Internally, Exter- nally, Eternally (To be released soon) In Development: “Bounce Back Women” Stories of over- coming adversity. Comprised of stories from Celebrities, Olympians and other powerful women. Wier: Hufngton Post Women Rising Altruistic Beauty (working with Jacque- line Laurita, “Housewives of NJ” Inspire Magazine AMG Magazine Expertse: Confdence and Relationships Spokesperson & Media Correspondent

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Voices of JUSTICE written by Hedy DiCarlo McNelis “The treatment of women in our criminal justice system, and the large-scale abandonment of chil- dren that it generates, are serious issues for all of us to contend with as we think about the role I’ve always been a very visual thinker, so it comes as no sur- of women in today’s society.” prise that as I write this I am Julie Ajinkya, AmericanProgress.org thinking in visual terms of what we, as women, represent. One one was a small baby, maybe 8 or image keeps popping in my 9 months old. In the other was mind, it’s from a National Geo- water, which looked to be spill- graphic magazine from when I ing out a bit as this woman with In 2005 I was the Woman of the was a little girl. I’m 41 so when no facial expression of struggle Year in NJ by Resolution of the I was little things were slightly or effort climbed the side of a Joint Legislature and Acting different; our mailbox was only steep hill. In my mind, she was Governor Cody; I was honored inundated with TWO magazines. and has always been, US; wom- in my hometown of Nutley NJ There were no Pottery Barn en. I don’t know any woman for Women’s History Month as catalogs or Bed, Bath & Beyond with a “carrying pole” but I see we set tribute to Martha Stewart coupons. There was National it in every woman’s face who I in our Hall of Fame (yes I get Geographic & Readers Digest interact with daily. We are all the irony of that now, perhaps it and they sat next to the toilet in carrying our children, often our jinxed me...and no the wallpa- our downstairs half bathroom in entire families, through diffcult per in that hall isn’t pinstriped, a little wicker basket. So appar- and sometimes physically gru- that I know of); I was the reign- ently, media still had some effect eling circumstances. Clothing ing Mrs NJ and Mrs USA’s 2nd and absorption level back then to them, feeding them and taking Runner Up. I won both the state have left me with this image. It them on that walk up the steep & national interview portions of was an African woman. She was hill with great strength, our pain the competitions. I went through very beautiful in her tribal jew- never visible on our faces. That a divorce, made a series of poor elry and seemingly unaffected by image has been my poster child choices and by early 2007 had her breasts out in a photograph. through my own private struggles come in contact with a shady She had a large bamboo pole and now I apply her face to the owner of an antique shop who over her neck, a carrying pole as many I have met in our jails in agreed to furnish two rooms of they are called. It had two large America. A silent struggling my house in what is known as a baskets affxed to either end. In woman with no voice until now. “designer showcase”.

Made sense to me, at this point know what they say about no I was still throwing lavish par- good deed going unpunished. ties attended by Real House- Ironically, our neighborhood had wives future cast members and been through this sort of scene on more than one occasion, our a few months prior; my next JUSTICE fxture at my functions we joked ents of one of the men accused door neighbors were the par- Governor...the mayor was such a in the Duke Lacrosse rape case. you could stop by my shed to Anyway, the shop owner had pay your taxes. The furniture arrangement went south when “dumped” all the checks she was I discovered some of the “an- tiques” I was paying hefty insur- to hold as a deposit without me knowing, some $84k in checks, ance premiums on were repro- all but $12k bounced. 9x in the ductions. I handled it by the police report she indicates they book and involved my attorney to were to be held not deposited. return everything and get me out I’m arrested and bond myself out of the contract. None to happy, that evening on $250,000.00 bail. “The treatment of women in our criminal justice the shop owner called scream- By the time I get home, I am the system, and the large-scale abandonment of chil- ing and yelling and saying she lead in story on every NYC news would “ruin me”...well, she made channel. Reporters are ringing dren that it generates, are serious issues for all a valiant effort. Within days my my doorbell and shining lights in of us to contend with as we think about the role home was raided by 26 police of- my windows around the clock. I of women in today’s society.” fcers and 5 members of the DA’s would call the police who would assure me they would keep the offce of Essex County, NJ. I am Julie Ajinkya, AmericanProgress.org 100% certain Jeffrey Dahmer got reporters off my property, only to less boys in blue at his digs. I did turn on my TV and see the cop what any person with good man- I just spoke to giving a full-on ners does, I fed them. I ordered interview, complete with a tour of a couple Boxes o’ Joe and donuts a holding cell at my local pre- from our local Dunkin Donuts; cinct. The media are information days later an offcer on the scene pimps and they distort facts and would give an interview to the turn normal people into media paper and say “She obviously whores. Sad but true. Next to expected us, she even had coffee impossible to get real justice in and donuts for everyone.” You their glaring lights. For over a The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), through the Uniform Crime Reporting (UCR) Program, collects crime and arrest data from more than 18,000 city, county, and state law enforcement agencies. According to Crime in the United States, 2011 (released in November 2012), during 2011: Nationwide, law enforcement made an estimated 12,408,899 arrests (does not include citations for traffic violations). 25.9% of arrests were of females. 13.7% of arrests of females were of persons under the age of 18. According to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention’s (OJJDP’s) Juvenile Court Statistics 2009 (released in May 2012): Courts with juvenile jurisdiction handled an estimated 1,504,100 delinquency cases in 2009. Females accounted for 28% of the delinquency caseload in 2009 - up from 19% in 1985. Overall, the female delinquency caseload grew at an average rate of 3% per year between 1985 and 2009, while the average rate increase was 1% per year for males. National Criminal Justice Reference Center

year my case drug on with dozens of motions, judge changes and headlines. They would run me front page of the Sunday Star Ledger with some ridiculous headline and sell out, so the next week they would do the same...4 weeks total I made the front page of the Sunday Star Ledger, one of the largest circula- tion newspapers in the country. I even anonymously protested the ridiculousness in a letter to their editor when one week my “story” was featured ABOVE 41 killed in Iraq...really? That particular story was an interview with one of my runner-ups at Mrs. NJ; real investigative journalism there, shocking she would have any sour grapes. I moved to Florida to escape the reporters jumping out at me and my kids from my bushes (seriously) in June of 2008. The state I loved, that I represented with honor and good will and had freely given so much of my time to, had made me into a cartoon character villain in the media and I could no longer allow my kids to be in school there...it had become too heartbreaking for my family. I traveled back and forth for ridiculous motion after motion. From Florida to NJ. All the while believing my day of justice would come. Never once giving an interview; never once stooping to their level to address their ridicu- lous behavior. In December of 2008 I travelled up on a Sunday night for one such motion on Monday morning. The prosecutor continued to Tuesday as he wasn’t ready. I stayed another night. In a hotel, away from my sons then 4 and 7. On Tuesday the judge called out. On Wednesday there was a snow storm that closed the courts Wednesday AND Thursday. On Friday I went to court for 4 minutes and was fnished. I had missed my sons PreSchool Christmas pageant. As a room mom every year for both boys and an active PTO member, this was a painful absence and a memory I couldn’t get back. This brought me more shame and more pain than any bogus headline ever had. “Four million people googled my name that day. I was the 99th most googled person in America. Al Gore’s son was 100th; he was arrested on a drug charge. I bet no one googled a single one of those 44 soldiers killed in Iraq. Maybe the media should have focused more on the meaning of their lives then trumping up the meaning of my story.” The following week I was offered a deal, 5 years of straight probation with a guilty plea. I took it. Any- one who says innocent people do not say they are guilty has never been through the gut wrenching circus that is the pursuit of justice in our country today; never mind the lawyers fees which were close to the $100k mark at this point; the countless airline tickets and hotel bills. I gave up the hope of ever having the glorious press conference on the steps to the courthouse after vindication. It was a feeting hope anyway. My trial had already happened. In the media. Good luck fnding a jury that wouldn’t im- pose the 3-10 years I faced for bouncing that many checks of that sum with what was painted of me out there. I showed up to court wearing a DVF dress and Manolos, the press painted me out to be a ruthless, heartless, rich person who conned her way to riches. I toned it down with simple make-up, a pant suit and fats and I was on drugs and had given up. I truly couldn’t win and anytime I tried, I became fod- der for their relentless assault of words. Words that people believe because when mixed in with fact and delivered by the trusted news anchors, they become newsworthy and true. Our news media has become a step above the National Enquirer in their relentless pursuit of viewers and ratings and advertisers in a constantly more competitive media market. Only problem is, the general public doesn’t realize that. And the justice system allows this feeder pool of activity because the days of volunteer sheriffs with two week terms and true justice have been replaced by privatized jails which fuel an entire industry of proft based solely on people being charged and convicted of crimes. It is a money making business, not a jus- tice system anymore. If I broke down for you the amount of money one inmate generates to commissary & phone charges alone, you would be shocked. The commissary is supplied by Indian Reservations who peddle 89 cent VO5 shampoo & conditoner to inmates for $2.19 and the phones are privately owned companies...not Verizon, companies like Securus & Inmate Phone Services. They charge $7 to load an account and $2.25 for a 20 minute local call and 50 cent a minute for long distance. In 32 days in jail, my family personally spent almost $1000 on phone time alone, to talk to me a couple times a day and so I could speak to both of my attorneys; one in NJ and one in FL.

I took the deal and on May 9, 2009, the Friday before Mothers’ Day, I was sentenced. Not to the origi- nal deal but to two 364 day sentences to run concurrent. Jail. Judges hand out a day less than a year to denote the sentence as “county time” not “state time”. In court the Judge came in looking more like a beauty queen then me. Full make up, bedazzled robe, the works. She never once made eye contact with me, choosing instead to address the Jury Box which was flled with media; so many news outlets sent reporters that day, we were delayed for 2 hours while they set up TVs in the hallway to broadcast the pro- ceedings to the overfow. She ordered me remanded and I was cuffed. The picture is online on google images everywhere. Me in my Alice & Olivia diamond white suit, head bowed, crying, handcuffed. What the picture doesn’t show you is the story in my mind; one of feeling deceived and humiliated, not in the eyes of the world, but in the eyes of my children, still too young to understand that they would face a future enduring the shame of this day’s sentence imposed on their mother. When the last click and fash went off, she ordered me, the “Master of Deception”, the worst, most self-centered, devious and deceptive con-artist she ever had the displeasure of presiding over, to be uncuffed and go home for the month so I could be with my children until they fnished school. She got her sound bites in and then let me leave, to report back 6/7/2013 at 9am to begin my sentence. 4 million people googled my name that day. I was the 99th most googled person in America. Al Gore’s son was 100th; he was arrested on a drug charge. I bet no one googled a single one of those 44 soldiers killed in Iraq. Maybe the media should have focused more on the meaning of their lives then trumping up the meaning of my story. Funny, my attorney loved to say “Hedy, don’t worry...I’LL GO TO JAIL BE- FORE YOU WILL!”. True to his word, Paul Bergrin was arrested two weeks before I went to jail. He was “Four million people googled my name that day. I was the 99th most googled person in America. Al Gore’s son was 100th; he was arrested on a drug charge. I bet no one googled a single one of those 44 soldiers killed in Iraq. Maybe the media should have focused more on the meaning of their lives then trumping up the meaning of my story.” never again a free man. He is currently serving 6 life sentences in federal prison for a host of charges. The next month was sheer hell. I tried to capture every moment with my sons and hold it all in my heart and mind. No matter what I did I was villainized still. Their pound of salt had become a moun- tain. There was no story left, just the hope that the intrigue could still sell a paper or get a blog on top of Google. After a day in the parks at Disney my sons went back to the room with their Dad and my mom and I went to the hotel bar; it was my birthday. Someone snapped a photo of me laughing with a martini in my hand. It was on the internet by the next morning with the caption, “Mrs. NJ, days away from jail, parties the night away with kids nowhere in site.” It is true, a picture speaks a thousand words, some- times not a damn one truthful. I went to jail on 6/7. I served 81 days and was paroled out on 8/28/2009. Six years later, very little of this is in my past. Despite never being convicted of a new crime, I have been arrested and jailed 4 times; once for 32 days when my premature infant son was just two weeks out of the NICU. I spent that month behind bars hand-expressing my milk into a 6oz plastic cup another inmate had left behind. Contraband is what my jailers would call that cup had I not kept it hidden through shakedown after shakedown. I relied on the kindness of my fellow inmates to give up their prescription hydrocortisone cream to get me through the scabbed and bleeding nipples that jeopardized my ability to keep my milk in starting on day 12. I flled out Medical Request form after form to be seen for prenatal vitamins and cream. A couple times I was actually taken to medical, even told that my pills would be on the cart. The cream never came. The vitamins started 4 days before I was released. I was repeatedly told by female nurses, male and the occasional female guard that my milk would “just dry up” and “your baby doesn’t know the difference; if he’s hungry he’ll take that formula”. The entire time I thought only of my infant son, born under 5 lbs and his little face I hadn’t seen in a month. My fellow pod-mates, from whom there is no

privacy, encouraged me and They weren’t giving her the can- seizure. She had seized 7x. They even woke me during the night cer meds she normally takes; the took her to “medical”. She came to “milk the cow” as we called nurse at the jail indicating to her back two hours later. I let her it. I begged and fought to keep that they give what is medically bunk with me in my 8x10; every- my nursing bra at every raid and necessary to keep them alive and one else was too freaked out to eventually had it confscated; that’s it. And what you ask was have her in their cell. 20 minutes facing the humiliation of breasts her heinous crime to deserve after she came back, she seized leaking through my only state to be treated like an animal left again. This time only 3x in the 15 issued shirt daily. I would face a to die in a cage? What horrible minutes it took to get a guard to cinder block wall as I expressed crimes was this women guilty of come for her. An hour later they my milk in my little cup, care- that we needed to be protected came and took her mat. I never ful to avoid the cameras and the from? Well, she wrote a check saw her again. I do not know threat of “catching a new charge” for $68 that bounced and she what happened to her. for exposing myself. I had com- took probation as she had never pleted 51 months of a 60 month been in trouble before in her Over the course of this upcom- probation, never missing a home life. Her home burned down in ing year, I will take you deeper visit, drug test, report day; I com- October. To the ground. She into the stories of the women, pleted 500 hours of community went to her sister’s home; devas- including myself, who we are service within the frst 16 months tated. Battling cancer, all of her “protected” from. Their faces of my probation. On the record possessions gone. She went to and words haunt me daily. At in court, the Director of Proba- her reporting day at probation 6 night I wake up repeatedly to tion for my county said I was “... days after the fre. She was ar- escape their cries. Strange thing one of the best she has ever had rested. Turns out her probation dreams are; in jail when I could on probation.” I was the editor offcer did a surprise home visit sleep, my mind took me far of my son’s elementary school and reported that she had given beyond those walls to my sons newspaper, PTO mom, room, a false address because there was laughter, the smell of their hair team mom and am currently no house there...of course there against my face, hugging me. In serving my 2nd two-year term as wasn’t. It had burnt down. A Vi- the free world, my dreams take a voting member on the Student olation of Probation is immediate me to the darkest depths of the Advisory Council of our elemen- arrest, with no bail. The court human experience. I see many tary school; a position you must dates don’t come quickly...some- of the woman I met in jail in my be nominated for by the student times you wait months or more. dreams, walking up that steep body parents and voted into by And for most, especially those hill, behind that beautiful mother the faculty and fellow members. who’s home has burnt down, a in Africa. No words. Just faces. I built the best damn 5‘x4’ gin- public defender is their attorney. Every inch of their faces stoic, gerbread house complete with They sit and wait months staring yet I know every word of their Christmas lights for door decor at a phone on the wall with black stories. I hope you will join me of the third grade, yet I have still lettering above it that reads “PUB on this journey. One by one, we landed in jail 4 times in the past DEF CALLS ONLY”. It never can relieve them from that silent 6 years. rings. In 32 days I heard it ring walk and give them a voice that twice...with 16+ women in my will move and shake this country During those jail stays I have met pod waiting for it to be for them. to pursue true justice. countless women with stories Justice? Do you feel safer with more shocking then my own. a person like that locked away? The woman who sat next to me She is there right now. Waiting at a video visitation discussing to die there. Suffering in pain @hedydicarlo on twitter with her husband how to handle without access to even Ibupro- m.mamahedy.com her cremation as she was certain fen. In a jail where it took 16 of join me. her cancer would kill her while us, banging on metal doors and in jail. She had no bond and was screaming “Medical Emergency”, facing an 11/29, that’s 11 months 30 minutes to summons a guard and 29 days...same as my 364. to respond to a fellow pod-mates