Out and About STYLE Mag Vol. 2 Issue 1

FOR THE CULTURE The Reinvented Chronicles with Yvonne C. Mtengwa 5 TIPS TO OVERCOME YOUR FEAR OF GETTING STARTED



It finally hits you. Fear. “False evidence appearing now in her mid-30s. But that one incident she had real” comes at you from every angle except that during her driving lessons where a huge haulage nothing about anything you feel seems false. I’ve truck cut her off at a traffic circle has her convinced lived it. You’ve lived it. We all have. The crippling that she is better off cabbing her way around the sensation you feel in the pit of your stomach every city for the rest of her season in UAE. Me being time you think about finally tackling something in chronic calculation mode, got to breaking down that has held you back for so long. The crazy what her current costs are for not completing her thing about the human mind is that it can think licensing process. of a million reasons why you should not go after A moment of vulnerable chatter reminded me of something when the one reason why you should is the crippling effect of fear. It’s real, but must be actually stronger. overcome if one has any hopes of moving ahead Chatting with a friend of mine who is new to UAE, from life’s pit-stops and sandpits. With that being and has been trying to get her driving license said, I’ll go ahead and fill you in on my 5 top tips notwithstanding that she is already licensed in her for kicking fear where it needs to be, and getting country of origin, was telling me she knows how to started on that thing you’ve been contemplating drive. She’s been driving since she was 18 and is for so long: 01 Acknowledge, accept, and address. A lot of opportunities you could be a good fit for people don’t want to acknowledge their fears because the title seems way outside your scope because they believe in doing so, it’s accepting of knowledge. Limited understanding is one of defeat. WRONG. You cannot fix something if the main reasons why a lot of people struggle to you are not willing to recognise and accept for conquer their fears. Simply put, you are afraid what it is. Ignoring how you feel will not fix the to venture outside your comfort zone because problem. Accept the fact that you are fearful so there’s a lot of stuff you don’t know on the other you can begin working through how you can side of your decision. But how does one learn actually overcome your fear. without taking a chance? How do you grow if you remain content with not moving? 02 Think about everything carefully. Swift action 04 Find a fearless tribe. Listen, if you want to isn’t always the cure. Part of addressing your conquer fear or just get some wits about fear lies in processing what caused it. In the case yourself, you will need to move with people of my friend, she had a traffic accident before, that will challenge you to be the best version so when the haulage truck fiasco happened, of yourself and who are seasoned in conquering she had a momentary flashback of the car wreck the particular area you are battling with. A baker she survived. What I’m getting at is fear has can’t help you with your fear of dabbling with its triggers such as trauma, previous seasons the stock market unless he or she trades. What of crises like illness, severe, lack or perceived I’m getting at is that social groups with shared failures. Think through what triggered your interests go a long way with encouraging you to present fears and begin reliving what it took fight through your fear. I am a living testimony of you to move from that space – if you’ve had connecting with different groups; each of which overcome the same fear before. Then push plays an active role in teaching me something through with your findings. Activating a plan new, standing with me in seasons I need to take with a clear mind always gets you further down a new leap of faith or simply cheering me on the road than going at it without a thought. from the sidelines. The operative word here is that they too are “fearless” – and not lurking 03 Knowledge goes a long way. What if you are around you to support you in your inability to afraid of not knowing? You could be applying move forward. for your next career, but shying away from

05 Visualise the overcomer in you. Now friends, no effort you will ever make will count for anything if you don’t actually see yourself on the other side of your fears. That’s right. If you don’t see it, then it’s highly unlikely that you will achieve it – unless “luck” is your middle name and the heavens are chronically smiling down on you. Even if that is the case, some work put in on your “belief-barometer” will go a long way. Whether you need to watch a couple of Youtube videos of people who have conquered the same fears you have or need to attend a few workshops on the same subject, the ultimate victory really lies in your seeing yourself having conquered your challenge. Whether you define fear by one of the many acronyms that are out there – “false evidence appearing real” or something a little more inspirational like “face everything and rise” – critical to a change is an acknowledgement of where you are and what you need to do to get to your next best. Only winners admit the constant nature of change and put every effort forward to ensure that fear doesn’t become their Achilles heel. ABOUT Yvonne Chiedza Mtengwa is the author of Fear”- a compilation of short stories by THE AUTHOR of “Reinvented: Challenging insecurity to American visionary author Tiana Patrice. live authentically through faith”, a book Passionate about travelling, writing about encouraging women to confront their and experiencing leisure and lifestyle issues with relationships, insecurities and brands, Yvonne is a marketing and self-fulfilling prophesies, in an effort to communications strategist, is the Co- truly discover who they were created founder of www.Quintessentialf.com, a to be. It’s available for download on Christian lifestyle movement for women, https://payhip.com/b/Oi7Y#! and also runs www.yournarratives.com, a boutique communications agency She is also a co-author of Amazon Bestseller specialising in entrepreneurial design “Dear Fear Volume 2: 18 Powerful Lessons and shaping the narrative of women-led on Living your best life on the other side lifestyle and social development brands. Check her out on IG on @quintessentially_yvonne or visit and subscribe to her website on www.ReinventedToday.com for more tips on everyday reinvention.

You would think that someone like me, having tour in Nepal. I didn’t know what I was getting a background with years of experience in myself into, but my soul told me that I needed education and mental health, would be able to do this for me. This was more of a spiritual trip to overcome battles with stress, anxiety, and that would lead to my healing. depression swiftly. As I always say, every good therapist must have his or her own therapist. It In Nepal, I learned so much about the power is almost impossible for one mind, one body, of life and death from both a spiritual and a and one soul not to be affected by the struggles scientific perspective. Experiencing and gaining in which others come to you, hoping that you knowledge about life and death from the can provide pathways towards their healing. I Buddhist and Hindu perspective provided me have been battling depression since I was 12 with the tools that I needed to heal myself. A years old. Being raised in the religious South week had passed before I noticed that I had (USA) and being a son of a well-known national spent my entire time there eating plant-based evangelist, mental health was not only taboo, meals. I was sleeping better and waking up at but every mental issue or disorder was viewed 6:00 AM, full of energy. I was able to write again. as a spirit or demon that needed to be cast out. I would go for long runs and stop to speak to the Close family members suddenly started dying people in the village who were so amazed and one after the other. Telling me that they are in curious at the sight of someone like me. At the a better place and that I’d see them again soon time, I didn’t realise that I needed to heal from all the hatred and struggles that I faced because TSDYPUOHETRUTRAIIESNEVGTLFEINR’S of having a different race in America. To them, I was exotic. People found my skin and wavy if I lived, saved, did more harm than good. The hair beautiful. They were interested in getting to pressure to live and be saved so that I wouldn’t know me and my culture. Instead of being afraid spend eternity in the lake of fire was a heavy of me, they welcomed me in their homes. burden, but as a pastor’s son, I didn’t have a On my birthday, I literally spent the day at a choice. I couldn’t be of the world as they would crematorium. I watched families mourn as their say, but little did I know that it was indeed the loved ones were placed on elaborate platforms world that would save me. and set ablaze in front of the holy Bagmati River. Those who were poor on the left side There were many times when I was just told to and those who were in the upper caste on the pray about it and give it to God. I remember right. I watched as the birds ate the food that praying to God while having anxiety attacks at families made for the deceased to enter the the same time. Religious indoctrination, or as other realm. I realised that no matter the caste, I call it, abuse, was one of the root causes of their ashes fell into the same river. I watched as my depression. After my father passed away, I the homeless kids dived into the river to collect began to self-medicate. No one knew because pieces of gold to sell in the market for money. At I trained myself to master the art of wearing, that point, I understood that there was no such Paul Laurence Dunbar’s proverbial mask. I never thing as death. The adult me had realised the allow myself to look like what I’ve been through, true meaning of the circle of life. Nepal was the but one day, I decided that I had to rescue first time I had felt God. myself. I had to deliver myself from my own self because I became my own enemy. During After returning to the United States, my soul graduate school, I decided to go on a research was refreshed. I felt like I had been introduced to myself for the first time. However, I still have a different race living in America. The constant murdering of unarmed men like me sent me into a depression. I decided to book a flight to Haiti to visit my family. That experience allowed me to fully understand the power and the spirit of our race. Haiti became the first black republic in the western world after former slaves defeated the major European colonial powers of that time. I learned about the traditional African religion, Voudon. My people rejected the

religion that was given to them by their masters and issues. They go through rigorous physical and mental used their traditional spiritual system from Africa to gain training in order to understand, as well as what it means their freedom. For most of my life, I was taught to reject to, sculpt your mind with the knowledge to not only heal anything other than Christianity, especially anything that themselves but their community. Because travel had comes from Africa. Yes, I was taught to hate and reject become a form of therapy for me, with the help of the what was my history, heritage, culture, etc. In Haiti, I community, I was able to take them on empowerment finally decided that I wasn’t going to run from who I was and educational tours in Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama, or what I’m meant to be. Tennessee, and Washington DC. I found my purpose. I found something that I was willing to die for. After years of working in the education and mental health field and dealing with the systems that were less In 2018, I was asked to speak at the church where many of beneficial to our race, I had enough. I was tired of asking my father’s ancestors were buried in Natchez, Mississippi. people to change something that was intended to That day I had decided that I no longer wanted to hide benefit them and place barriers around us. In 2016, I quit my years of pain. Yes, I was accomplishing a lot for a man my job as a Behavioral Therapist and started Brother’s my age, but I wanted to take off the mask. I was done Against Racial Stereotypes (BARS) Institute Inc. BARS riding in the back seat of my own car. I had revealed my is an education intervention, youth empowerment, and long battle with anxiety, depression, and moments of exploratory learning institute for boys of colour. We suicidal thoughts to the entire congregation, which was also provide mentoring and counselling for those who mostly family. Telling my story in a church, a place where aren’t provided with spaces to deal with pain, poverty, a lot of my pain came from and the place where I freed loneliness, rejection, racism, school to prison pipeline, myself was my redemption. mis/over-diagnosed, being fatherless, and other similar

1n 2019, I went to Cuba looking for answers. I we both agreed that I was strong enough and want to know more about ancestry and what I ready to make that big move. It was time to put needed to do to fully liberate myself. My spirit myself in the driver’s seat. kept taking me back to my childhood when I would tell my parents and family members that I applied for a job teaching Advanced Psychology I was going to see the world and live in other in Dubai and was hired. My friends and frat countries. Mississippi can be a toxic environment brothers that were already here had been trying to for progressive-minded people. In Cuba, I had the get me to move here for years. After researching privilege to go to the city of Regla to experience the opportunities and connecting with people the African-based spiritual system of Santeria or who have beautiful and different races who are Lucumi. Like Vodou in Haiti, it derives from the prospering here, I said yes, to me! The UAE is Yoruba religion in West Africa. Many things felt one of the safest countries in the world and out foreign to my mind, but familiar to my soul. It was of all the African-American men that I have talked like I had been there before. I sat with a Santeria to that live here, none of them have expressed priestess, and she confirmed that my life was interest in wanting to go back to the United States. about to change and what I’ve been asking for It has been my dream to make BARS Institute an since I was a child that was coming of age soon. international exploratory learning program for Something was going to happen that would force boys in need. Moving to the UAE has saved my me to uproot. life. My smiles are real, and my soul is at peace. I don’t have to wait until I get to heaven or go on A few months later, the worst happened. One of to glory to be happy. my students from the BARS Institute was shot and killed while riding his bike. From the first day that I’m finally able to live for myself, but also still able I started the institute, I promised those boys that to take my misery and turn it into my ministry. I would give my life for them. I would do whatever As I told my father, I too have a message, but I could to protect them. Losing one of them was it won’t come from the pulpit. While mental my worst fear. All my time, money, and energy health is becoming a priority in the UAE, there is went towards these people. I wouldn’t sleep or still work to be done. I’ve created the SCREAM eat until I made sure that they had the resources Initiative, which will provide mentorship, mental that they needed to have a chance to compete health retreats and counselling referral services and even stay alive in this harsh world. Losing my for teenagers here in Dubai. I want to empower student hit me hard. However, I remembered the young people to have the courage and audacity many times we’d ride around, and he talked about to put themselves in the driver’s seat. going to college and travelling the world like me. When it comes to your life, you don’t need a That’s when I realised that I had spent most of licence to drive. You are the authority and the my life putting others before me. Mississippi was conductor of your life. You are the master of your literally killing me. After talking to my therapist, fate. You are the captain of your soul. Let’s ride! ABOUT THE AUTHOR Joshua Quinn is an educator and mental health professional from Jackson, Mississippi. He recently moved to Dubai to teach Advanced Psychology and History, and expand his business, BARS Institute Inc. BARS is an education intervention, youth empowerment, and exploratory learning institute for underrepresented boys. JOSHUA QUINN

SOLO PARENTING IN THE MODERN ERA CHALLENGES OF THE MODERN ERA that children can have access anytime. We need to find Children are blessings sent from above. Every stage of a way to teach our children that not everything that they their lives gives us surprises and happiness. Their arrivals see online is helpful in their development. How do we, are life-changing experiences that shape us into better as parents, compete with the Internet? How do single persons. Children are unconditional lovers, with innocent parents help their children grow while striving to put food eyes that they took on their loving parents. When it comes on their table? There is no correct answer in parenting to grooming children to function in these modern times, but, still, we’ll be sharing ideas on how we can lead them the job becomes even more difficult as times change. properly to shape their future. Having a partner to help you with these tasks should make parenting easier, but what if you're the sole breadwinner PSYCHOLOGICAL APPROACHES TO CHILD-REARING of the family? Single parents must strike a balance between the behaviourist and constructivist approach to child- Parents are the driving force behind the mental, emotional rearing. Parents need to strike a balance between these and spiritual formation of their offspring. Their morals psychological approaches. Providing food, clothes, should be relayed and explained, as children will initially shelter and other basic amenities are immeasurably hard take on their parents’ perspectives and how they view the to give together with guidance and securing children from world. However, the modern age presents a challenge unwanted sources of information. During the past decades, to us parents, as we may have a hard time guiding our our parents did not have to worry about technology and children closely because of the information on the Internet its effects when guiding us into the path of righteousness.

A lot of what we knew as facts were only seen in books are the CCTVs and cameras in securing your house and and stories told to us which were only expanded by our children. Of course, even with these devices, we can’t let imagination. the children stay at home by themselves. Asking a family member or hiring a nanny to look after them is still the Discipline has to be key to your methods. You have to best. Installing a camera at your home will give you a lead the way, for example, as to being mature in social sense of security, and you will be able to see the activities media and using the Internet properly, or choosing the of your children and their caretakers. Be sure to use these appropriate music they listen to. Introduce child-friendly devices to take care of your children and not invade their and credible websites to get information. Teach them the own privacy. expectations and limits of the Internet. Even if you're a solo parent, modern technology can help you in rearing Entertainment is easy to do in the modern era; however, your children excellently. we must teach them that the company of friends and family is more important than gadgets. It is our responsibility It is understandable that time is limited if you’re a solo to supervise them on what they can watch or listen to parent. It is important to budget your time between because the Internet can be easily accessed. Children are yourself and your children’s development. Time wasted prone to be exposed to peer pressure, bullying and being will lead to negative effects but time managed correctly drawn to people who will try to distract their minds in the will lead you to a fulfilled life. Even with a hectic schedule, wrong track. you need to let your children know of your presence and support all the time. In that way, they will have the feeling In conclusion, being a single parent is a difficult task, and of comfort and assurance that you’re always by their side. it will more or less take an emotional and even physical toll on your body. It’s normal to be tired, moody and worried. We all know that the Internet and technologies have Yet, that is still not an excuse to take a break from your bad sides. Protecting them by filtering and censoring role modelling and other responsibilities. Technology, on the information they can access to will help. However, it the other hand, can be our friend or enemy on parenting. doesn’t mean that we will hide the reality of the world to Giving the children the right explanation for everything is them. Adjusting the proper knowledge and information the key to help them understand the pros and cons of the to their age is the key ingredient to keep their minds on modern era. With the proper supervision, gadgets and the right track. devices can be our advantage. However, keep in mind that technology can never replace a good parent to our Another use of technology that can help solo parents beloved little ones. JDEORUOGMLEAS ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jerome Douglas is a 27-year old trained teacher, poet and writer from the beautiful island of Jamaica. His personal philosophy is “If it is for me to be, then it is up to me.” He attended the Catholic College of Mandeville in Jamaica. Additionally, he is a community builder and humanitarian who volunteers his time to help with the academic and social well-being of people in his Central Jamaica community and surrounding areas.

BOOK REVIEW: THE UNTETHERED SOUL BY MICHAEL SINGER

The Untethered Soul explains how you can bringing the walls down. According to Singer, we harness your inner energy by untying yourself become limited in our spiritual growth by holding from your ego. It is focused on expanding your on to our pain and the false personas we build for being beyond your limits and boundaries. With ourselves. He then introduces you to go on your million copies in print, this New York Times spiritual journey and in the process, peel away bestseller catapulted to fame when Oprah the layers you have wrapped around yourself. interviewed Michael Singer, the book’s author, in 2012. The final few chapters talk in-depth about our fear of death and how to deal with it. The author The first four chapters are building blocks of says that death is what gives life meaning, so we this book. Though it may seem rather relaxed in should reflect upon it often. Knowing that you pacing, the author discussed comprehensively could be gone any moment should be the single how we, as individuals, are not simply represented most motivating factor to get you focused on by the abstractions in our minds because we are, what you really should be doing in life. If there in a sense observers too. Hence, when asked who is something that you want to do in your life, we are, we list our titles and accomplishments, chances are, now is the best time to do it. We are but that is only a shell of who we truly are. Only not certain what the coming time may hold, so when you awaken with this kind of mindset, that’s make up your mind and act on it now. the only time you can go onto the next step: to show the real you. Of course, one could always take the meaning of death being at your doorstep as a reason to not The next two parts are the heart of the book. do anything at all. What is the purpose of it all, Not all of us will concur with the thoughts of one may ask? But life is for living, and what is the the author in these sections. He describes that aim of living in mediocrity? events in one’s life cannot be traumatic; instead, the response that one has towards these events After all, we are here to experience joy and is what makes them traumatic. He goes on to say contentment. Singer talks about inner energy, and that most of the time, we hold on to sentiments how it is better to let it all flow through us and not and stifle them down in our hearts, where the let events in our lives block it. Negative thoughts, pain festers and consumes us. We need to allow apprehensions and fear can all obstruct our chi, our emotional energy to pass through us freely and we will only be able to release ourselves and and not be damaged in the process. attain freeness of spirit if these hurdles are done away with. “Events don’t determine whether or not you’re going to be happy. The Untethered Soul asks some important They are just events. You determine whether or questions we ought to think deeply about. Who not you are going to be happy.” are you? What is holding you back? Are you ready to let go and accept positive energy into Those who have experienced a life-changing your life? Though it talks about the very core of incident, which most of us encounter at some our existence, it is a lighthearted book, and there point in our lifetime, cannot agree that dark, are moments where you will chuckle. depressing events cannot be painful. To speak of loss as though it is not hurtful and to act through By tapping into powerful techniques like yoga and it without accepting it for what it is, seems mindfulness, Singer shows how our consciousness unnatural as a human reaction. can empower us to live in the present moment with openness and free inner energy. This book The fourth part, going beyond, is all about wishes you happiness and liberation.

WIN FOOD FOR THE BRAIN Subscribe to our website for the chance to win 2 amazing reads. One lucky winner will receive both books. Draw date: February 29, 2020





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