SDA Kinship - CONNECTION - March 1998

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S DA K IN S H IP Who ure ore... INTERNATIONAL. INC. KINSHIP BOARD I Swenth-dayAdventist Kinship International, Inc. is a support group which ministe$ to the spiritual, emotional, social, and physical well being of Seventh{ayAdventist lesbians, gay President: Darin 0lson men, bisexuals, and their families and friends. Vice President: Yolanda Elliott Secretary: Charles Shobe SDA Kinship facilitates and promotes the understanding and affirmation of Treasurer: Mike McLaughlin homosexual and bisexual Adventists among themselves and s'ithin the Seventh-day Connection Editor: Walt Elias Adventist community through education, advocacy, and re concili a rion. Public Relations: Jim Chilson Church Liaison: Donald Freeman nFounded 197 6, the nonprofit organization was incorporated in I 98 I and has a board of Womyn's Coordinator: Jacquie Summerton Kamp'98 Coordinator: Lee Stover 15 officers and 10 regional coordinators. The current list of members and friends indudes well over a thousand people in 16 countries. MEMBERS-AT-LARGE I SDA Kinship believes the Bible does not condemn, or e\\.en menuon, homosexu- Womynt Newsletter: Kathleen Geraty ality as a sexual orientation. Ellen G. White does not parallel anr- of the Bible texts, Members-at-Large: Marge Doyle, Bob Bouchard which are often used to condemn homosexuals. Most of rhe anzuish imposed upon Campus Coordinator: Greg Cox God's children who grow up gay or lesbian has its roots in a mrsundersranding of Member Wellness: Larry Whitford what the Bible says. SUPPORT STAIF I Kinship operates solely on contributions from its members ar.c riiends. SDA Kinship supports the advancement of human rights tor a.) eeople, office Support: Hal Jobe lnformational Services: John Wieland Support Kinrhip World Wide Web: Scott Wiemers Director of Regional Coordinators: Donald treeman Kinship depends on you. Kinship is supported solely bl contrr)'j:oirs. Help us CONNECTION STAFF I reach out to more gay Adventists by making a tax-deductible io:\":on to SDA Contributors: Hal Jobg Ron Lawson, Jan Radclyffe, Lee Kinship International. Please send your check or monev orce: :o ::e address below. Todd, John Wieland Walt Eliat Editor. SDA Kinship, P.O. Box 7 320, LaganaNguel, CA 926i i. - 1a l;!- 1 199. INFORMATION I { The Connection is published 10 times a year by Seventh-day Region 1 Region 3 Reaic.r 7 Adventi( Kinship lnternational, lnc. Principal office: P0. Box Obed Vasquez (401) 521-931 9 7320, Laguna Niguel, CA 92677; (7 1 4) 248-1 299. U.S. Sandy Mann (404) 633-8447 !- a' C:s':a i503) 292-5098 Subscriptions are $25 for ten issues, and $ 1 5 for additional Region 2 subscriptions. Foreign subscriptions are $40. Yolanda Elliott (410) 531-5382 Region 4 Regim 8 Bruce Harlow (7 1 4) 248-1299 5ubmissions o{ letters, articlet pictures, art, and graphics are i: arc Arierson (209) 339-81 13 welcome. lnclude your name as you want it published, address, Region 5 and KinNet and telephone number. l{ an item is to be acknowledged or Floyd Poeniu (214) 415-1358 Region 9 returned, please include a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Some Connection contributors have chosen to remain Region 6 IBrad Foster (81 8) 362-661 anonymous. Pseudonyms {rom this issue appear at the bottom Ben K. (303) 321 -533 1 of this page. The Connection reserves the right to edit Region 10 (Kinship Canada) manuscripts for length, syntax, grammar, and clarity.Addres all James Mays (514) 933-8569 submissions to the Connection, P0. Box 7320, Laguna Niguel, CA92611 . lnquiries and article submissions may also be Region 13 (Kinship 6ermany) e-mailed to [email protected] ,,ffi The mention or appearance ol any names, organizationt 0r photographs in this publication is not meant to imply a fact or Visit our statement about their sexual orientation or activity, Web Site: http://www.sdakinsh ip.org/ Subscription requests or address changes must be sent to Subscriptions, P0. 8ox 7320, taguna Niguel, CA 92677, (7 t4) 248-1299.The Kinship mailing list is con{idential and used only by Kinship officers. The mailing list is not sold, rented, or exchanged {or any purpose. O 1 998 Connection. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. 0plNt0NS EXPRESSED HEREIN aTe NOT NECESSARITY THOSE OF SDA KINSHIP N/ember o{ the Gay and Lesbian press Association. Printed in the U.S. on 100% recyclable paper. Never ttre of stories. do we? Pseudonyms:Walt Eliat Donald treeman, Jan Rad(lyffe, Lee Stove[ and possibly others.

f,. tNffiffiT*ffiN m ffide@ffi I l COMPILED BY WALT EttAS FROM KAMPMEETING QUESTIONNAIRES I Last summer at Kampmeeting a questionnaire was distributed which asked what Kinship members wished to see in the CONNECTION. Here is a summary of the results: l. More personal stories (40'/\") 2. Pictures, graphics (15Y\") 3. More religious articles 4. Less religious articles 5. Articles for atheists 6. More personal input from varied people. 7. News 8. Places where people live with layouts, decoration 9. Longer articles l0 Reviews of films and books I l. More about people in regions 12. Empty space You will note that \"more personal stories\" were requested by 40o/o ofthe people who responded to the questionnaire. This issue is a direct result of those .\"qr.rrc. Bicause this was an open essay type question, it is significant that so many should requesr the same thing. o Connection. March 1998

Story Issue What coming out is to rne BY JOHN WIELAND This issue features a y memory of coming out invariably teenagers I was treating for renereal diseases because a number of articles focuses on two wenB frommany at least theywere gening some sex. I got in emotional dealing with \"coming years ago, neither of them acrually having figha with friends because thev had boy friends and I out.\" At Kampmeeting to do with what most corsider the coming out didnt. each year, such stories Then Bob dared to hug me under the street play an especially processes. The first-the yardstick against which I meaningful part. lighg and I nearly freaked our measure myprogress---occr.[red under a street light Thank C,od mv aninrde has changed. Actuallyl John Wieland is in charge of lnformational in West Hollywood. A close friend and president-at- cant thank God: HdShe had nothing to do with it. I the-time of Kinship was visiting from New York Services for Kinship After dirurer aswewere sandingon the sidewalk thank a friend. I ri.ish I could say that it was Prozac that made me feel better, or that I was in courseling .Connection lVarch 1998 Isaying good-bys he gave me a very natural hug. and developed this deep self-awareness. But it was a reactively stiffened up as if preparing for a vaccina- wonderfi.rl nurse, I-onnie, who said'You're nice, your tion. butCs cute, leCs have sex.\" And itwasnt shallow and meaningless. That flrst time was an intensely Was I fearfirl of being seen hugging another satisfying sharing of sensatioru and emotions. Each male? In public? Afraid he'd make a pass at me? Afraid he wouldnt make a pass? sex act since, with whomeveq has also been. Why I had grown up in the mission field with the would anyone have a need to volunarily be celibate?) I went out to Studio One or to Kinship meetinp traditional Adventistvalues: kneel in church, go to PrayerMeeting, sell magazines. And never, ever leam and was amazed at how much more friendly the world had become. Menwould actuallyalkwith me; about sex. Oh, and feel guilty about \"SelfAbuse\". theywould actually date me. Amazing how one day Then, during medical school,lreahzr that I had could change the world! a cnrsh on anothermale Iwasworkingwith in Why is it that the wisdom of self acceptance and Sabbath School. This brought both the elation of realizingwhat being in love was all about and the the intricacies of sex and dating cannot be passed from generation to generation? Humans have been despair at realizing that I was one of \"them\". Jlouble doing and stmggling with these things for thousands was that I was so well insulated that I didnt know of years. Why does each generation, each person what \"them\" was. have to learn for him,/herself the hard way? Now at Being the good litde Adventist Scientist Boy I least, there is much better gay and lesbian awareness in the world and in even the Church. Would that proceeded to study the topic: library boola, medical articles, Tbe Adaocate, even In Tirurh.Whenlwas there could be less guilt Would that each person aware ofwhat homosexualitywas, I then proceeded could naturallyleam hiy'her own self-worth. Iflto study the Biblical issues: the NEI EGW NowI am older and more homelythan ever. But John Boswell, even the Greek ( had wasted time also more at peace and more happy than ever. Yes a taking a theology major at Pacific Union College). lot of it is due to an affectionate cag Thbatha and a I then marched out into the gayworld and was wonderfirl lover, Michael. I'm worthwhile not because I'm with Michael but iust because of myself. more lonelythen I ever had been. The gayworld had no place for an old (32), homdgayboy. Especially I'mOI( Thag to meisthe ComingOut V onewith a huge chip on his shoulder.Iwalked through card shops readinglove poemswishingl had someone to send them to. I secredyenvied the

There is perhaps nothing so strong as a,,story,, to present our cause, In this issue, as per your tequest, we present the \"stories\" of several Kinship memhers. TRANSITIONS There were some instances of good natured kidding from some of the builders, BY LEE TODD e.g., the general contractor's son told our closest neighbors that he was going to paint 2f$is story isnt really about my life, capped high Sierras across the valley, and the interior of the house Fairy Dust (that below us the village of Oalihurst. Our first reallyis the name on one of the paint color ratheriCsabouttransitions: Firsg clue about the community should have samples!). Our neighbors, by the way, have come when the realtor srggested that only tumed out to be wonderfirl friends. The l-I from a fast paced professional life my name appear on the offer to purchase. wife has a gaybrother and theysend us an She said that David's name could be added as a senior executive at the General Motors at closing. No problem there, butwe anniversary card each year. headquarters in New York and Detroit to should have wondered why. retirement in a rural mountain area of Soon after arrivingin the community, California; Second, from being almost A year lateS my retirement became we read a notice in the weekly newspaper totally alienated from church to having the effective, we arranged to lease a house near that the Moirnain Organists Club would church as a central part of my life; and our property, packed our possessions into be meetingthe following Sunday. Since Third, from being a closeted gay activist to the largestmovingvanwe had ever seen both David and I are organiss we called beingtotallyopen and known as a gayman the number and were informed where the inmycommunity. meetingwas to be held and that there -Ia Abit of baclground for those who and set out for California. By now you may would be a poduckfollowingthe meeting. donttnow me grewup in an SDA be thinking our relocation was a disaster. Not trre. It has worked out extremelywell, David made a beautifirl apple pie and off home and attended SDA schools through but we've had some interesting encounters we went. We sensed a bit of puzzlement and adventures over the past 5 andl/2 my first three years of college. I realized I years. So this is really a success storywhich on our arrival, but no unfriendliness. We were invited to come again the next month was gay shortly after I graduated from illustrates how mro gaymen from th..ity and (apparendyunaware of David's baking academy, but I married when I was not can make itin a conservative rural commu- skills) it was zuggested we bring bread or quite 21, and about ten montts later rolls to the next meeting. We did go and became a father. Mywife and I parted nity. we did bringrolls. Of course, theywerent amicably after five years. At about the same from the zupermarket bakery. Therewere time as the divorce, I was disfellowshipp.d From the beginning we made no by the SDA church. I did not experience attempt to conceal our relationship from two kinds of home made yeast-raised rolls. the anguish over thatactionwhich many any ofthe numerous confiactors and After that, no one ever suggested that \"the Kinship members have felt I just got on tradespeople we encountered in the process gup\" bring something eaqz with my liie. I was fairly comfortable of building a home. We always referred to At one of the organ club meetinp, each other as \"my partner\" and allowed without a church relationship. them to draw whatever conclusion they David and I played a piano and organ duet Fast forward to 1991. With my \"early wished from the fact that we owned the and anothermemberwhowas a church property and home together. Surprisingly, organist asked ifwe would come and play ouC' retirement approaching, my partner, David, and I sarted making plans to leave we encountered onlyone minoriruance of special music some Sunday at her church. our home near Detroit and relocate to a tiny mountain village in the Califomia overt homophobia: A wallpaper installer We agreed and met her at the church to try Sierras. We knew nothing about the who had been recommended to us, came out the instruments. While we were at the community except what we had seen on a out to look at the job and g'ave us a price; couple ofvisis to mymotherwho had lived howwer, whenwe called herto saywewerc church, we met the pastor, Paul Redmond. there for over 25 years. We didnt leam readyforherworlg she made an excuse that He was very cordial, but I said afterward to until after moving here that the community she was very busy and couldn't do the job David \"there's a red-necked firndamenalist is solidly Republican and conservative, wen for at least 6 mont}s. Later we heard from preacher ifever I saw one\". the Presbyterian and Episcopal churches a gay friend whose mother lives near the wallpaper hanger that her husband had We also looked up the nearest chapter here are extremely fundamentalist. forbidden her to do the job for the two gay of PELAG @arents, Families and Friends of ksbians and Gap) soon after our arrival Nevertheless, we bought a 5 acre building in Califomia. Through PFI-AG we met a site with magnificent views of the snow- men. Connection. March 1998

ttMore personal storiosr\" ... t'mote personal stutfr,, ttmore individual stories,\" .., . This was the conzrnon theme of what people would especially like fo see in the CONNECTION. .H, Sexual History category of people who felt as I did and what they I were called, and I also had some enjoyable lessons BY RON LAWSON l on what they did together. Indeed, so much did we Ron has been hat should have grabbed your attentionl I involved in Kinship enjoy what we did thar we continued doing it since its beginning Actually, our editor has asked for an I throughout the youth camp-discreetly, after and was Church expanded coming out story. We'll see lights out. I should menrion that he was only 3 Liaison for many years older than me. (My seducer went on to where the expansion takes me. years. marry, become a pastor, and is now a union I was born in Sydney, Australia, and we moved to a pineapple farm in Queensland when I was 6, president in Australia. He offended me gready, and tlen to Toowoomba, a provincial ,,city,, of 40,000, when I was I 1. That was because Dad given our history by writing to the presidents of allowed himself to be talked into becoming a Avondale College and the conferences in his union literature evangelist. This was but one sign that I before my research visit to Australia and New Zeahnd in 1986 telling them to be careful of me grew up in the bosom of the church. Dad seemed because I was a \"gay activist.\") to be elected elder wherever we went, and he was I was still very naive on the subject, but on the conference executive committee for years, and Mum (Australian for \"Mom\") had taught in determined to do something about it. I guess that I Adventist colleges in India and Australia before showed my academic bent, for I first turned to the library. For several months when I was 15 I traveled with Dad to Brisbane, the state capital, I ooas ... pleased at last to discouer that there u)as a, whole category of people uho felt as I did. marriage. We also had a relative in high places in every month when he had to attend a conference the church hierarchy. committee meeting on a Sunday, and I went to the Puberty hit at 12, I shot up to a skinny 6 ft, big public library and looked up everything I could and I started noticing guys. Confusing, since they all seemed to be noticing and talking about the find on homosexuality. There was not much girls. available in 1955-mostly accounts by shrinks of men who had come to them with \"homosexual The Christmas before I turned 14I went, as problems\", often called as I remember \"inversion.\" usual, to the junior camp mn by the conference, Pretty depressing, but I read some of tlem several but this time, since I was so \"mature\", was allowed times-I felt a kinship with those men. ( am not to stay on for the youth camp that followed. A fellow I had known at a church while we were on sure what my parents thought I was doing in the the farm was a counselor at the junior camp. library. Certainly they had no idea of my real When the youngsters went home, he moved into interest.) the dorm for the youth camp, which was to begin the next day, and invited me to move to a bed next In my last couple of years in high school I had to his. That night he seduced me. I regard this as a a friendship that unexpectedly developed into a good experience-I was a willing participant, sexual relationship-I would say that it was experimental rather than romantic. We did a lot of pleased at last to discover that there was a whole bushwalking together, and somehow often ended up naked in the grass. He too went on to marry later. Connection. March ,l998

I was still prefty naive and iso- school. I don't think he was judgmen- former classmate of his in my apart- lated-there was not yet arry g^y tal-his main comment was an expres- ment. Even though he talked a lot movement of course, especially in sion of amazement that I was doing so about his girlfriend at Stanford, there Australia. There were not yet any gay well academically while finding the was so much electricity between us that bars, even in Brisbane-not that I time to do all that cruising. Since I he looped back to New York on his would have gone to one! However, wanted to change, he offered me the Eastern tour, and when I returned after I moved to Brisbane to go to \"best\" tool available to psychologists home there he was awaiting me in my university I gradually discovered that then-aversion therapy. This involved bed! Suddenly I was in love, sure at last 1 my kind met in certain parks and other showing me slides of \"dirty pictures,\" that I was gay, and so proud of every- and giving me a small electric shock thing that I told my church group at !, when the picture was gay but allowing Columbia U about it in a sermon some me to enjoy a sraight photo without weeks later. The commuter relation- I felt great confu- interruption. Needless to say, this did ship did not last, but I was finally out not make me straightl Indeed, it caused of the closet. sion and guih. so much turmoil that I cruised much The next yearl got mad about more frequendy during that time. My some academic put-downs of the new religious training led me to reject the gay researchers at the convention of method-I felt I should be able to the American Sociological fusociation, indoor locations known as \"beats,\" and \"choose\" the right path rather than put up notices calling a meeting of the I gradually spent more and more time have my psyche manipulated into it. \"Sociologists Gay Caucus\" in my hotel After six turbulent weeks I broke an room, which overflowed, and I was \"cruising\" there. At the same time, I appointment and did not return-and elected the first president. A year later had become personally much more then realized what a relief this was. I argued with the incoming president involved in church, and I now for the was not yet admitting to myself of ASA after the business meeting, first time started to feel guilt about my feelings and behavior. I cannot put my that I was gay-this was something demanding that a session on homo- that I did, not what I was. However, as finger on where that guilt came from- sexuality be included in the my work in grad school progressed I I guess it was all around me in society. realized more and more acutely that I program the followingyear, only to be It may have also come from the fact told after five minutes or so that the that I was dating women because that was romantically attached to my best conversation was coming out all over friend, who was of course straight. He, the ballroom through the speakers. was expected, and these seemed to be his girlfriend, and I often did things That was how I came out in my together (weirdly, she always sat in the attracted to me. I rcalized that I saw them as friends, not romantic objects, back seat of my car-Greg did not that there was no sexual attraction at have one), and the two ofus spent a all. Although I could hide behind my great deal of time together both on Suddenly I was irl high morals-sex before marriage was campus and at church. There were many mixed feelings here-joy, not expected in Adventist circles, especially from a fellow so active in frustration, jealousy. Eventually, after loue, sure at last church-there was no doubt that I felt we both graduated, Greg and I spent a that I usas gay ... great confusion and guilt. Through I u:as firrally out ... year traveling overland (as much as these years I never had a gay friend- once I had sex with a guy, he knew my possible) from Australia through fuia, the Middle East, and Eastern Europe shame, so I was totally embarrassed to Scandinavia, where I received word should I see him again. I remember that I had a post-doc at Columbia U in forming close bonds with straight NYC, and had to leave him abrupdy to t friends and then feeling intense meet the deadline. I remember sitting profession-another step. (There are loneliness as they developed romantic outside on the ferry from Lund to now several sessions devoted to us each I relationships with girls. Because no Copenhagen, crFng my eyes out. year at the ASA meeting.) one knew my secret, and this included In NYC I initially repeated my When my chair at Hunter Col- my family, no one knew the real me. Australian pattern-dating girls and lege, where I was teaching-a conser- Eventually the tension became so having sex with strange men. This was vative man whom I liked but who I felt great that I yearned to be able to 1971, the gay movement was new and a I could not trust with my news of being \"change.\" I knew instinctively that I bit overwhelming initially to me-too a gay activist in the profession-retired should not talk with a pastor about my sudden. and was replaced by a black radical, I \"problem\", so instead went to the head In 1974I helped out a friend at ofthe counseling service at the univer- church, a student living in the dorm at sity. This was early in my time in grad Columbia U, by putting up a visiting .Connection March 1998

decided it was now time to complete the coming out process would only have brought them grief because they would not at work. But he turned out to be a closet case who was have known what to do. I felt it was really good that I could do it in terms of \"I have been doing some really exciting stuff threatened by -y openness, and he then made sure that I in the church, where I am sure God is leading, and I want to tell you all about it.\" They took a while to digest that would not be reappointed for the next year (I was not yet mouthful, but when in 1989 I took my partner, Scott Wager, tenured, so on a yearly contract). But it all worked out after some months of acute anxiety-I found a new job, with a home with me for the first time, they really liked him, and promotion to Associate professoq at Queens College-and In 7980 I was heauily iruuolaed what could be more appropriate for me? At QC I later discovered that the chair who hired me was gay, so my Ln arranglng the speakers at orientation disappeared as an issue. I feel so comfortable that the first Kinship l(ampmeetirlg. I regularly come out to my classes at their first meeting-I remember how important it could have been for me to have aker a few days Dad got us all together, told Scott how much had a role model when I was in college. he and Mum liked him, and welcomed him to the family. It In 1980 I was heavily involved in arranging the speakers was one of the best moments of my life. For me, coming out at the first Kinship Kampmeeting. I guess that was my was a long process. A couple of years ago my nephew came coming out to the denominational leaders, because it re- out to me-he is very glad to have a gay uncle. V quired scary phone calls to people I had not yet mer inviting them to speak, a meeting with a GC \\iice President, and finally phone calls to Neal Wilson, the GC President then. Finally, after I felt increasingly good about what I was doing in Kinship, I was finally able to come out to my parents. If I had told them about it early in my life, it would probably have been in the context of \"I have this problem,\" and I ffiitorb Corn er BY WALT ELIAS Ifofn this issue we feature the \"stories\" Perhaps in part because ofour Some of us may not, for ex- conservative upbringing, it can be ample, like drag queens, and may several of our members. &Iost of tempting to judge others because indeed be embarrassed by them. us are moved by such stories, and some their path is not as \"moral\" as our own, or at least we do not perceive However, we hopefully will at least deeply so. Each ofus has our own take respectfully coexist with them, and it that way. We need to remember perhaps even learn to enjoy their on being gay. With very few excep- that for each ofus being gay is a peculiar form of humor. journey, and we will probably tions it has not been an easy path. Our \"take\" on life doesn't have change our own perspectives over to be the same as the next person for As we look around us, we observe time. Most of us can think of things us to be able to learn from their experiences. We need to listen incredible diversity within the gay that were inappropriate to us many carefully to their stories and under- years ago that we now consider stand their struggles. Each ofour community. This diversity, and our perfecdy fine. The very thing that lives is gready enriched by consider- we may find so offensive at our ing the lives of others, different willingness to accept it often results in current place in life may become though tley may be from our own. our favorite thing to do at some the religious right rushing in to cause point in the future. Y problems. They are quick to point out the more extreme elements of our community and present them as our normal way of life. Attendance at a l,arge gay pride festival should illustrate this diversity well. Connection. March 1998

gaymanwho lived in Oakhurst and he ouslybelonged to the local SDAchurch). several gay people among his close friends. I occasionally attended the SDA Later, we leamed that Pastor Redmond introduced us to several other gay and grewup a Roman Catholic and converted church with my mother but was never to Protestantismwhile he was in the lesbian members of our community. We service. The catalyst for his conversion was became active in the PFI-AGchapter and asked to playorwen to tytheirveryfine a Swenth-dayAdventist. However, he did both David and I served on the board for a insorrmenr The organ sales representative not become an SDA Instead became a couple ofyears. who handled insallation of Community ministerin the Disciples of Christ Church. Church's new organ toldme thathe had Meanwhile, our friend the chwch had a conversationwith one of the SDA Several montlr later, I invited Pastor church organiss in which she had said \"Ids Redmond to speak at a montilyPFI-AG iflorganist decided to retire and asked a shamewe cant askke toplayforus, but meeting. In addition to Pastor Redmond you know ... his (ahem) Iife-style\". She would consider applying for the paid then proceeded to invite the sales rep to and his wife, the Associate Pastor and the position. I agreed to meetwith the church come and playfor them. Later, at the Chairman of the church board also personnel committee , but told myself that dedication of our churrh's new organ, Iwas attended the PFLAG meetingwith their pleased to introduce the SDAorganist to wives. When I introduced Pastor if they asked about my sexual orientation, I Redmond to the group, I recounted the the organ representative's partneq John! would tell them that if it mattered I didnt A few weela after I began working at story of my first impression and the faa care to work for the church. They didnt that I had resolved not to work for the ask and Iwas hired as both organist and CommunityChurch, Pastor Redmond church ifasked about my sexual orienta- choir director. The church - a nondenomi- tion. The chairman of the church board called me aside and said \"Lee, I want to let spoke up at that point and said \"they didnt national Christian church - was founded you knowthatnext Sundayl'm goingto be have to askyou, Lee. I'd alreadytold them nearly40 years ago when the community preachingonhomosemality Several youwere gay\" members of the congregation have asked was too small to support separate churches me to do so, but f'm not srre they're ready Shortly after that meeting, Pastor for a variety of denominations. I had never for what I'm going to say''. (Remember Redmond announced his retirement and a directed a choir before and wasnt cerain I Pastor Redmond - the \"red-necked fundamentalist preacher\"?) It tumed out could do it. Apparendythe congregation that I had been verywrong about him. He liked myworlg though, because after I'd has a very inclusive theology and numbers been there about 6 mont}s they agreed to purchase a newthree manual digial organ which is the largest and bestin the community. (lhat distinction had previ- WinterVegetable Stew i I t-------- I oz. dried porcini mushrooms 4 oz. portobello mushrooms, sliced 3,/4 cup boiling vegetable stock 4 oz. shitake mushrooms, sliced 3 Tbs. olve oil 1/2 cup dry red wine or vegetable stock 4 cloves garlic, minced 2 Tbs. chopped fresh rosemary or 2 tsp. dried I large red onion or leek, chopped 1 strip orange peel, I inch wide by 3 inches long 3 med. carrots, cut into 1 inch pieces Salt and pepper to tasre I celery root, peeled and cut into I inch cubes l/2 cup chopped toasted pecans 10 oz. white button mushrooms, quartered 2 Tbs. chopped fresh parsley for gamish In a small bowl combine dried mushrooms and boiling stock. Let soak until mushrooms are softened, about 20 min. Strain liquid through sieve into another small bowl and set aside. Coarsely chop mushrooms. .In a large pot, heat 2 tablespoons olive oil over med. heat. Add garlic, onion or_leek, carrots and celery root and cook, stirring often, until vegetables begin to solten, 1 0 min. Add dried and fresh mushrooms. cook, stirring often, until riushrooms-are tender, about 10 min. Stir in reserved mushroom liquid, red wine or stock, rosemary and orange peel and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, panially covered, for i5 min. Season with salt and pepper. Stir in pecans and gamish with chopped parsley. Serves 8 COMI/IENTS: The above recipe is from Vegetarian Times, February 1998. Contributed by HalJobe Connection. March 1998 See \"Editor\" on p. 1 1

One of the most treasured parts of Katnpmeeting is the \"stories\" It all started at La Sierra! t BY JAN RADCLYFFE , ,| ; j II i /Tlt . first person I ever truly fell in love with honor's eyes were a mixture of 'happv for her was a Catholic woman, *ho- I met in because she's so h\"ppy\" tears and \"mv heart is JI- broken\" tears. Yorckoallnedgeha-d at La Sierra. She was from a New heard that Loma Linda had Before they were married. he ser up a blind date for me with another gu)- in the Army, who Jan is a long time good medical school. Since La Sierra was, at that was a Baptist. We dated for over tn'o years and contributor to had a lot of fun. I admired Fum for having high KinNet. time, Loma Linda's undergraduate school, she moral standards; even though $'e \\r'ere in our late twenties, he never tried to get me to have sex with .Connection March 1998 attended La Sierra until being accepted into Loma I cried nxyself to sl.eep on Linda. After she graduated and finished her my wedding night internship (three years after I had graduated and because it utas so disap- begrrn my teaching career), we got an apartrnent polntlng. together. Although we were lovers in every sense him. (That's probably whv I iiked him enough to of the word, we had both been raised in such strict go out with him for so long.) Then he was sent to the Philippines for a year; before he left, he told homophobic religions, that we never admifted we me not to sit around waiting for him. He said he had a lot of \"personal issues\" (such as his religion) were lesbians ... we told ourselves we were two that he had to resolve wi*rin himself, before he'd be ready for a serious relationship with anyone. people who fell in love with each o(tIht ewra-s and to both just happened to be femalel easier After he left, I met a nice SDA man at an Adventist Singles retreat. He had iust gotten a admit that I loved \"a woman\", than to admit that I new job in another state, so we \"dated\" by letter and by phone and saw each other about once every slohveewd a\"swaowmoemn\"a-n.) 21d therefore loved her because six months-which made the relationship always We told other people v/e were seem new and exciting. I guess I allowed myself to fall in love with the idea that he loved and cared roommates and best friends, which were both true. for me. When he asked me to marry him, I was 32 years old and figured this was God's answer to We lived far enough away from both of our jobs my prayers. [After all, we were taught that if we asked God to take away \"unnatural desires,\" S/FIe that no one really had a clue about our private life. would do so.l I cried myself to sleep on my wedding night (long after he had rolled over and Wgoetowebraersn'(tsltirvainigghtooprenglayy)asolresebvieannsfin-d we didn't a support gone to sleep) - because it was ro disappointing. group. We just worked, attended concerts, went to the beach, flew kites, took trips togetheS and totally enjoyed being in love with each other. She quite often attended church with me on Sabbath morning, and I often attended mass with her on Sunday morning. Until one day three and a half years later, a co- worker of hers arranged a blind date for her, with a friend her husband worked with in the Army. He was really nice, and Kari quickly fell in love with him. It was painful enough when she would go out with him and come home and tell me all the intimate details, but at least she was still sharing intimary with me. Later on, he began spending weekends at our aparunent, and I got to listen to them making love in the room next to mine. <ouch!> People are expected to cry at weddings, so no one suspected that the tears in her maid of

The incredible sense of oneness I had years of living in denial. But I also felt a thing here on earth. When I known with a woman simplywasnt like it would cost me my salvation, as requested my membership transferred well as my marriage, if I acted upon my tlere with my husband, for whom I had newfound identity. However, I needed here to Texas, the church board in to find others like myself. It took just left a wonderful job and lifelong awhile, but I eventually found a group Minnesota voted not to send it. of lesbian friends. (My husband afrcieronsdssthI elocvoedun-trytofomr oavmeahrraialfgireaythat thought I had joined a \"feminist\" Instead, they said the Holy Spirit had group.) One of them took me to a told them I was no longer a \"member lesbian bar and asked, \"Did you ever should never have taken place. think there'd be this many queers in in good and regular standing,\" and I tried for several years to make it Minnesota?!\" She also showed me the my name was removed from the \"Gay & Lesbian Studies\" section in a work and to live up to the vows I had big bookstore downtown. Through a church boofts. To someone who had listing in Gayellow Pages (and an ad in taken. I still hadnt come out (even to MS, Magazine), I learned of the attended Sabbath School from birth, existence of Kinship. I rented a P.O. myself), so I couldn't really identifu the box and began receiving their materi- had gone to SDA schools from first als. It was a great relief to realize that emptiness I felt inside. While I was nowhere in the Bible or the Spirit of grade through college, and then had Prophecy is there a mention let teaching grades 4-6 in a self-con- taught in church schools for twelve -alone a condemnation of homosexu- tained class of 30 students at the SDA -ality as one's natural orientation. After years and had led the Primary Sab- school (with no teacher's aides and no a lot ofprayer and soul-searching, I bath School division for t-hree years, conference period), I was too busy and realized it wasn't fair to my husband, or that was like having the rug pulled exhausted to do more than merely to myself, to continue in the marriage. right out from under me. I felt like When I left him,I told him he de- survive. I didn't think I could live served someone who could love him in they were taking my name out of that through a third year of that, so I return, as much as he loved her. I -big book in heaven you know, the resigned and began substitute teaching. never told him or anyone in the one they taught us we have to make With no papers to grade and no lesson - Ichurch that I was gay. know I sure our name is written in, by \"living -hurt him a lot, so I was really happy for plans to write, I had a lot of time on my right\"l? him when I heard he had remarried; hands when my husband: worked Since then, I've come to be very they now have two children.] overtime / took night classes / went By the way, I recendy \"ran into\" thankful for the fact that God will be away on frequent business trips. the Baptist guy I had dated for a couple the only judge of who will and who We had just bought a VCR, so I -ofyears at the Saturday-night- won't be in heaven. I've long believed rented a lot of movies. It was when I before-Halloween block party in the that, although they have the most gay section of a nearby city. Dan, a watched \"Personal Best\" that a light Kinship buddy, and I were sitting in a biblically-based major doctrines [I still sandwich shop; just as I leaned down to went on inside my head. In case you take a bite, I heard someone say hi to believe in the Sabbath, the second haven't seen it: It's about two female Dan. When Dan replied, \"Hi, Bill,\" I coming, death being like sleep, etc.l, athletes training for the Olympics, who -looked up and saw HINI th\" guy Adventists will NOT be the only ones fall in love and begin a long-term who was so much fun to date, because there. They've added too many nit- he never tried to pressure me into relationship. Of course, at that time having sex with him. Dan saw us -picky rules and they seem to filmmakers thought they could only staring at each other and stammering, delight in making a person feel that make a movie about lesbians if one so he asked if we knew each other. breaking one of them will keep you When we told him we had dated for becomes straight or kills herself at the out of heaven. A lot of what's done in -awhile, Dan said, \"Well, that's cool end, so in \"Personal Best\" one of them the name of the church is not only because you're gay and she's a lesbianl\" falls in love with a guy. (I could really (It was the first and the only pleasant uncaring, but downright unchristian identift with the OTHER one's -time I've been outedll) - and I think there will be conse- - I wish I could say I'm now living feelings!) At the end of the movie, the quences for those who have been my fairy tale's \"happily ever after\" two of them are on the victory stand ending, but I'm not sure if there is such responsible for the lives of others. together, and the boyfriend is standing Despite the church's official nearby, cheering. His girlfriend opinion, there are two things I've whispers to her former loveq to ask -always been and always will be: a what she thinks of him. When Tory Seventh-day Adventist and a lesbian! whispers back, \"He's kinda cute - for a God doesn't expect me to try to be dawned on me that she guy!\", it something I'm not, nor does S/He say DIDN'T automatically assume that I \"cant be\" something I believe in. she, too, now had to find a guy. Even though I'm not able to be \"out\" I knew I'd been aroused by watch- OatFwworkor-k-wIit'mhounto risking being out longer lying to ing the love scene and all the female athletes' bodies, but it wasn't until that myself, and that's a giant burden lifted closing scene that I realized, \"I'm a offof me. Only God knows what lesbian, just like Tory!\" That felt both Her/His plan is for the rest of my life. liberating and terrifiiing at the same I've learned to say, \"Thy will be done\" time. It felt good to finally be able to -and accept it one day at a time! V admit the truth to myself, after all those .Connection March 1998

pastoral search committee was formed. I fusociate Pastorwould perform the Normanwas almost always the firstperson ceremony. Itwas a beautifirl garden sewice to comeup and shake myhand duringthe was con@rned that a new pastor might not with one of the women in white satin and the other in a tuxedo. The current pastor Sacrament of Greeting. share Pastor Redmond's inclusive attitudes. served communion and Pastor Redmond So I spoke to the Chairman of the church and his wife were among the gues6. Come September, itwill be sixyears board and asked whether he had consid- ered the fact that with a new pastor \"The Wedding\" became the talk of the since David and I moved to ourvillage. It coming, the church might also have to find entire village and Community Church a new organist/choir director. He laughed has been a most interesting adventure. and said \"That's not a concern, Lee. We're became knoum in some circles as the \"Dark We've formed manygmd friendships and telling every candidate that we have a gay Church\". Even within the congregation music director. We also tell them that they educated quite a few people about gayl can accept the job or not but our music there were some who appeared to have been comfortable with David and me who lesbian issues. In conclusion, I'll relate two director and his partner are staying in the were unhappy about \"The Wedding\". One church.\" David and I have been firll couple Ieft the church after a vain attempt examples of the effect our fives have had on fledged members of CommunityChurch the church and our community:. for about fouryears nou/. David has served to lecture the pastor about the evil of two terms on the church board and is Firsg when Dr. Gene Swanson, our homosexuality. Another couple stopped c\"trrTent Pastor was recendy interviewed for currendyworkingin the paid position of attending church about the same time and a firll-page article in the newspapel he was Chwch Secretary. the wife commented that she couldnt bear asked about the fact that his church has Obviously, the church has become the to sit in church and watch \"that homo- been labeled \"gay'' by some in the commu- focal point of our lives in the community. sexual\" play the organ every Sunday. However, we have also developed some nity. Pastor Swarson's response: \" I dont close friendships outside the church. One Several weeks later, a new member thinkwe are a g'aychurch anl.,rnore than approached me after a Sunday service with we are a divorce church, or a recovering circle of friends is quite interesting in that it some questions about the organ. After we church or a sinnet's church.\" 'Yes we have had visited for a few minutes, he said \"Lee, includes David and me, another gay couple I've just heard that our pastor recendy gay people. Yes we har-e divorced people. performed a marriage for two women. Is And yes, all of us is identified as a sinner. and two straight couples. When this group Enough said.\" gets togetherthere are occasional com- that fire?\" I replied \"no, it isnt true, but he The last involves a young man from ments which aclnowledge awareness of did serve communion at a corrunitrnent our communitywhom we met at a service for two women\". The new member PFIAG meeting. He shared that he had our relationships, but on the whole sexual grown up in the Disciples of Christ Church orientation is not an issue - we are simply a then said \"dont you know that what they with a very strong religrous faith. He had group ofeight friends having a pleasant are doing is an abomination?\" I responded not attended church for several years since by asking him wlnt material his shirt was social afternoon or evening. coming to the realization that he is gay. This past December, our home was made of. He acknowledgedwhatl could Wewere happyto tell him thatnot only was he welcome at our church, but that the seleaed by The Mountain Community Ialready see that it was a polyester blend. Pastorwas ordained in the Disciples Women's Club to be on their annual Church. John was in church the very next Holiday Open House Jbur. About 150 said \"Norman, according to Leviticus Sunday, joined the choir and regularly people bought tickets and toured our shared his considerable musical talens home. One woman who was touring I19:19, your shirt is an abomination, and before he moved away. During the time asked me about my wife. I replied without John was in our congregation, I once said hesitation that I dont have a wife, but I do have to tell you that I am a gayman and have a partner named David. @avid was to him \"ifJesus were to visit Oakhursg I that the tall man talking with the pastor is Iworking on the day of the open house.) my partner.\" Norman apologized profusely thinkhe would choose to come to Com- munity Church.\" John replied that he did overheard anotler woman saying to her and said \"ffI had known, I wouldnt have not agree with me. When I asked why, he said anything to you.\" I replied that I said'Jesus wouldnt come to our church friend \"Doesnt this home remind you of would prefer he talked to me rather than Vbecause he's alreadyhere!\" -Roger and Keyin's home? the one in about me. The next morning, Norman and the Pastor had a long visit and after that Palrn Sprinp, not their other home!\" One might conclude from mystory April 1l: Region 9. Easter Party. Altadena. April 18: Region L Meeting. Pine Grove. thus far that David and I have stumbled May 9: Region 9. Meeting.- into a perfect communitywhere ho- mophobia is nonexistent. Not entirely May 23, Region 8. Meeting. Milpitas. true. Alesbian couple approached our current pastor and asked ifthey could have June 14-21 Kinship Kampmeeting. Minneapolis. a Commitment Service. After some deliberation, it was decided that the retired June 28: Regron 8. Gay Pride. San Francisco. rConnection l\\,1arch 1998

Kinship Operating Account Statement Fund Name Beginning lncome Exoense Transfers Ending 01/0{r98 03/31/98 General Fund 10,037.47 4,283.24 (2,236.00) (7,500.00) 4,584.71 Program Funds 2,292.O3 1,110.00 (1,253.62) 0.00 2,148.41 Connection (2,100.00) 1,695.00 0.00 0.00 (405 00) Kampmeeting 98 0.00 0.00 679.70 K'mtg Scholorships 639.70 40.00 Project Funds 185.32 0.00 0.00 0.00 185.32 Advertising: General 48.74 0.00 0.00 48.74 Advertising: Women's 0.00 000 0.00 (468.18) Clergy Packet 96 (468.18) 0.00 0.00 280.00 Kid's Stuff 280.00 310.00 0.00 0.00 5,908.67 Member Wellness 5,598.67 401.00 0.00 1,992.34 Womyn's Newsletter 2,002.09 0.00 0.00 (14.75) Regional Funds 145.72 0.00 0.00 0.00 145.72 01-North Atlantic 02-Mid Atlantic 122.29 0.00 0.00 0.00 122.29 03-South Atlantic O4-Great Lakes 197.50 0.00 0.00 0.00 197.50 05-Great Plains 06-Rocky Mountain 50.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 50.00 O7-Pacific Northwest O8-Central Pacific 230.97 0.00 0.00 0.00 230.97 09-Southwest US 1O-Kinship Canada 163.87 0.00 0.00 0.00 163.87 Totals 143.58 0.00 0.00 0.00 143.58 338.12 5.00 0.00 0.00 u3.12 1,318.27 5.00 0.00 0.00 1,323.27 45.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 45.00 $21,271.16 $7,849.24 ($3,900.37)- ($7,5T03iI $17,7f0.03 Kinship Endowment Account Statement Beginning Restricted lnvestments 01t01r98 Bank America Savings 766.91 (468.21) 0.00 301.18 Fidelity Brokerage 37,573.08 5,194.96 (28.95) 43,048.30 ota 465.73 0.00 31,693.40 ,78O.92 $8,098.53 $5,192.39 ($29.95) $75, Notes: 1. (Brackets) denote a subtracted amount or negative balance.

REGISTRATION FORM fl 9th Annuail Street Address SIate Zip Country \\QJ M\" illA\"r--[. KilNSHilP KAMPMEETilNG Preferred roommate (must complete separate registration form). Please use two forms. 1 99E tr tr trn Inn u Check as appropriate Entire week Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat + June 14-21 A. Double or Triple occupancy (per person) Mount Olivet $450.00 entire week or $75.00 daily rate Retreat Center (These are only 18 of these rooms.) Farmington, MN B. Single occupancy (per person) $895.00 entire week or $135.00 daily rate C. Dormitory rooms (per person) $375.00 entire week or $60.00 daily rate $ Transportation can be provided D. Airport transporl $10.00 $ from Minneapolis - St. Paul $ lnternational airport for a E. T-Shirt $15.00 $ suggested donation of $10 F. My donation to help the scholarship fund Payment plans as well as a limited Total number of scholarships are Down payment ($50 min) $ available. Please call or write for inlormation. Flight lnformation Balance due by May 15th. $ Arrival date tr Check enclosed (made out to SDA Kinship) Time Airline tr Please charge my Mastercard or Visa Flight Amount authorized to be charged $ Card # Complete this form and mail Card expiration date with payment to: Signature SDA Kinship PO Box 7320 Confirmation will be sent to persons registering by May 15, 1998. Pre-payment of Laguna Niguel, CA, 92607 Kampmeeting fees is appreciated since Kinship has to pre-pay the facility. Rooms are assigned on a first come first serve basis. Amounts quoted are in US currency. USA Those individuals staying in the double occupancy rooms will be moved on Friday (7141248-1299 nite due to the slumber party sheduled for that night.