SDA Kinship - CONNECTION - May 1996

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Connection UYho we qre. . . Apri-1 1-995 Seventh-day adventist Kinship current. list of members and friends Vo1. 20, No. 3 incLudes well over a thousand people fnLernationaL, Inc. is a support in 16 countries. Kinshi-p Board group which ministers to the spiri- tua1, emotional, social, and physi- SDA Kinship believes the Bible Plesident: Dari-n olson ca1 wel-f being of Seventh-day does not condemn, or even menti-on, Vice President: Sherri Babcock Adventist. fesbians, gay menr bi- Secletary: Obed vazquez sexuals, and their families and homosexuality as a sexua] orienta- Tfeasule!: Mike Mctaughlin friends. tion. E1Ien c. White does not ComecEion Editor: Wa1t. Elias para1Ie1 any of the Bible texts, Public Relali.onsr Jim BeI1 SDA Ki.nship facilitates and which are often used to condemn Church Liaisoni Dr. Ronald Lawson promotes the underst.anding and af- homosexuals. Most of the anguish Wontrd's Coordinatorr Ji11 Fooshee firmat.ion of homosexual and bi- imposed upon cod's chj,ldren who Xarc'95 Coordj.nator: cerald Alex sexual Adventj-sts among themselves grow up gay or lesbian has its and within the Seventh-day Adven- roots in a misunderst.anding of llembers-at-Laroe tist corununity through education, what the Bible says. Scholarship Research, Fund-raising, advocacy, and reconciliation. and Business Support: Bob Bouchard, Kinship operates sole1y on con- Founded in L9'16, the nonprofit tributions from its members and Marge Doyle organization was incorporated in friends. Spiritual Adviso!: Kay Clayton l-981 and has a board of 15 officers Regional Cooldinato! Liaison: 3r'-C iC regional c,.-roltliria:urs, ,IIe SDA Kinship supports the ad- r/;f::r,rerne.n1r r:.! human rights for all Charles Shobe people. KinNet: Floyd Poenitz Support Kinship! Support Staff Office Support: HaI \\robe Kinship depends on you. Kinship is supported solely Inf ormtional Seryices: Jobn by contributions. Help us reach out to more gay Wi.eLand Adventists by making a tax-deductible donation to SDA Kinship International. Pl-ease send your check or ct55, money order to the address below. ^^6h6^Fl^n Contributors: Bob Bouchard, Dan Blom, Larry Hallock, Bob HolLand, Jesse. Hal ,fobe, Tim lileclure, ifim Mayes, Michael UonEogomery, Nme Witheld, Our Lady of oshasa, Phi1, Robert, Vern Schlenker, .rr., J. Vicki Shelton, 4m Stuart. Joame Su11ie!e Editor; Walt Elias For information caLl: (7L4) 248-L299 Connection is published ten tihes SDA Kinship, P.O. Box 7320, Laguna Niguel, CA 92677. a year by Sevenbh-day Adveneist (71,4) 248-1299 Kinship Incemational, Inc. Principal CoordinaLors officer P.O. Box ?320, Lagua Niguel, 10 cA 926'71 , l1l4l 248-1299 . U. S. subscriptions are 525 for ten issues, and S15 for additional subscriptions. Foreign subscriptions are 940. Submissions of letEers. articles, pictures, art, and graphics are welcome. Include your nme as you want iE published, addless, and telephone numloer. If an item is to be acknowledged or returned, please include a self-addressed, starped enve 1 op e Some Connection contributols have chosen to remain anon:mous. Pseudonlms from this issue appear at Ehe boteom of this page. The Comect.ion reserves the right to edits renuscripts for lengeh, slaEu, gra@r, ad clality. Address all submissions to the Comection, P.O. Box ?320, Laguna Niguel, CA 9261'7 . Inquiries and article submissions may also be e-mailed to qrt '' Wa1t81ias@ao1 . com. Region 6 Ben K. (714) 248-1299 The mention o! appearance of any nees, organizations, or phobographs Reglon 7 in Uhi-s publication is not meant to Pepper Kyrene (503) 292-0956 imply a fact or statement about their sexual orientation or activj-ty. Region I Harry Wil-moth (510) 523-3461 Subscription requests or address Region 9 chmges must be sent Eo Subscriptions, Heq1on I Donald Freeman (213) 848-7151 Obed Vasquez l'714) 248-1299 P.O. Box 7320, Laguna Niquel, CA Region 10 (Kinship Canada) Region 2 GeraLd Alex (6L3) 234-0555 92611, l'7L4) 248-1299. The Kinship Heidi ,f,ohnson (301) 946-0295 Miling list is confidenti-aI and Region 3 used only by Kinship officers. ?he Open (7r4t 248-1299 mailing lisE is not so1d, rented, o! exchanged for any purcose. Region 4 scot.t wiemers 1714], 248-1299 @1995 ConnecCion. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRODUCTION IN WHOLE OR Region 5 IN PAR? WITHOUT PERI.IISSION IS Floyd Poenj-tz l2l4\\ '107 -1,797 PROHIBITE,D. OPINIONS EXPRESSED HEREIN ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF SDA KINSHIP. DO YOU E\\,ER GET THAT \"I'VE READ THIS BEFORE\" FEELINC? Mefiber of the Gay ed Lesbian Press Association Printed ih DsA P!.udolN: c6ld Al.r, Wdr Elis, b.td k .N.. P+r KFE. d d.r, rd Fifidly Connect.ion o May 20th. Anniversary Year1996 id.n$d tun Fd@ is.. \\

Some Sweetly Solemn Thoughfs by a Kinship Member [Tim McClure] Sometimes-often-Iate at always be aIone, will I, God?\" because no one ever had had night, in the deep silence Easter Sunday afternoon the audacity to attempt to that reigns before the dawn, deny them their needs. I awake and, in a semicon- I had the joy of playing the scious staLe, think 1ong, long organ for the wedding of the ft's a good thing my car thoughts. You know the tlpe daughLer of my dearest of thoughts I mean-a nebulous friends, so far, in the world. knew Lhe way back Lo San ,]ose, \"stream of consciousness, \" It was the second wedding for free-f1owing, unstructured. . . both the bride and groom, and because I cried most of the Thoughts in the twiligrht zone, i-t was so beautiful to see way home. I felt like a fool- as it were, in the outer them and know that, despite tears streaming down my face- reaches of this my earthly the dim view some of the I finally put on sunglasses mind. Thought.s of Lhe uni- \"saints\" take of divorce, they so other motorists couldn't verse-perhaps the light from were not doomed to loneliness see my eyes. Used a lot of some of the stars outside my for the rest of this earthly bedroom window has been trav- sojourn. It was also the first Kl-eenex ! eling through space since the Adventist service I had played birth of Jesus, and just for since the Arizona Kamp- I prayed that if God could reached earth tonight. meet.ing. I've played f or a find it in His heart of infi- Thoughts of God and infinity couple of thousand church ser- nite love Lo do so, t.hat. He and God's infinite love; vices and about 200 weddings, somehow bring my life in con- thoughts of earth time and both mostly Catholic, but this tact with another Christian space and God's time and in- was a church of MY denomina- guy who beLieves as I do-a finite time. What is eternity? tion and the wedding of MY Seventh-day Adventist guy. It \"b1ows my mind\" every time friends-it was a very emo- I try to think about eter- tional afternoon for me. Each Friday night, as the nity-endless eons of time. sun sets, the longing is es- Thoughts of God, or at Least I played the reception pecially intense. The choir my present. perception of God- also. Seeinq the guys was so in my head is singing \"Day is thoughts of the incredible neat-youngi men, guys my own Dying in the West\" and \"Come chance that was taken, the d9€, Seventh-day Adventist Saturday Morning. \" And I won- unspeakable price that was guys. I kept thinking \"Dear der where he is; I know he's paid-born of infinite 1ove, God, how fair the sons of fs- fi1led with longing, too. the love that planned salva- rael! How fairl\" Most of them \"God, I know You're watching tion: paradise regained. God's seemed to be with gals. Tur- over him, as You are watching love. God's love for me. bulent thoughts wel1ed up me and at Lhe right time, Your within me. They were, and time, You'11 bring us to- And then, being more woul-d be in the future, ful- grether. What will our f irst nearly awake by this time, the filling their innermost needs Sabbath together be like?\" thoughts become more immedi- for companionship and inti- ate, personal , selfish. I macy and love. Vrlhere was it Perhaps the other half of think \"Dear God, it's Your carved in stone that T was me is living somewhere in the will for me to be happy. Is somehow for some reason Lo be cosmos on an unfallen world. it Your will that I be alone deprived of the same joys. Maybe my soulmate exist.ed mil- during this time of my life? Simply because of my prefer- lenniums ago on this planet. This earthly life is but a ence for masculine companion- Maybe he lives ten miles from brief warm-up or tryout pe- ship? Nix on salvation through me. ff it's God's will that r riod for the main event-eter- glmecologry. Was God merely a remain alone during t.his nity. God, You made me-You cosmic endocrinologist going earthly exisLence, maybe his feel what I feel-, You know around furtively lifting to- guardian angel and my guard- what my thoughts are-You know gas to make sure the plumbing ian angel will introduce us how very deeply I long for a matched? I had feelings just on our first Sabbath after- companion. You know how I've as deep or deeper than theirs- noon in Paradise. Maybe that's agonized with You in years f had profound longings for what Heaven is-not being past. ft is not good for man companionship, courtesy of my to be alone. Surely I won't Creator; longings perhaps more alone. profound than theirs, if only Sometimes-often-late at night, in the deep silence that reigns before the dawn, I cry. VoL . 5, No. 6, 'Ju7y, L982 20Xh. Anniversary Year May 1,996 . Connection

AIDS Odyssey: on individuqls drive for survivq! up from my gut. There was no escape or solace in finally Another Dqwn Aprir,reET having the confirmation. This was one script I could not Dan Brown cologist to whom I had been rewrite. It was happening and i referred, delivered the long- it was happening to me! Oh, t The chirping of birds dreaded verdict: \"YOU have a Lord, you know we have been ! brought me back to the real- positive HTLVIII ! \" It rang trying. ity of the beginning of yet with the sound of accusation. Why me? Why not me? [i another day. Glistening bright Many things take place rays of sunshine surging Frankly, the dreaded news when one realizes he or she $ through the shuttered windows came as no great surprise t.o is no longer an observer/sur- cut through the veil of my me. If one considers the life- vivor in t.his most hideous of closed, sleep-pretending eye- style that was the only op- our age's reality. When the lids with a warming and per- tion for so many of us wish- dreaded verdict is confirmed, sistent enticement. The bright ing to socialize in a \"nor- when the rationale of years pink of the peach tree's blos- mal-\" fashion, it was logical of denials crumbles away, the soms framed. against the lacy that I had been exposed. In- bottom fine is that having a white of the plum trees to stead of being able t.o take terminal ill-ness necessitates Lhe rear of the garden seemed my best beau as my date to reexamining the material trap- to climb onto the sunlight the big g'ame or she being able pings of the li-fe and style slide and rush into the room, to take her special girl to of one's existence. To achieve bathing the waI1s with a rosy the prom, all we had were bars the dawn of another day and and bath houses as socially stil-], be physically able, to hue. acceptable spaces. have the strength and forti- tude to independently savor Sweet drenching perfume Vrlhen we chose to leave yet another day becomes more from some of the spring's Southern California and come precious than any of the ob- first narcissus, which my love to Louisiana, my partner and jects that have been so fer- had picked the night before I discussed the lack of and/ vently gathered. \"Stuff , \" as and left beside me in my fa- or need to subject ourselves George Carlin so aptly de- vorite vase, belied the dete- to testing until such Lime scribes it all*, treasured as rioration and decay that now some physical manifestation tangible vaLidations of sta- consumed not only the physi- would require medical at.ten- tus, all receded as I real- cal securities of my life, but tion. Now we knew. With the ized the importance of main- also the emotional and famil- precise coldness of a taining a certain level in the ia1 foundations of my psyche. surgeon's knife, the doctor quality of my life i-nwteithgriptye.r- Being alive was becoming a preceded, \"The biopsy is also sonal dignity cruel juxtaposition of the re- malignant,\" he said. \"The pa- and lentless awareness of an end. thologist at the Mayo Clinic The ultimate irony of to it all. concurs with the diagnosis having to deal- with the real- that you have non-Hodgkin's ity of the scenario was that It doesn't seem as if it lymphoma. It is an extremely it coul-d never be a singular has been six months since that aggressive cancer. . . .Our experience, could never be a day in late September-the day staqing tests indicate a prog- private affair. The insidi- of confirmation, the day when nosis of six to nine months orls malignancy of fear, guilt I was the one diagnosed as without treatment. \" and ignorance became heawy, positive for HIV [Human Im- if not at Limes unbearable mune Virusl. To augment the Feeling as if the air had crosses for all those around drama, which has always been been suddenly knocked out of me to carry. Not only did they my style-it. seemed the script me, I sat in stunned silence. have to deal with their own ca11ed for furt.her complica- To have a positive HIV test individual feelings about my tions-I also had terminal can- was one thing, but to have dilemma, they also had to ac- cer. fn his most clinical man- cancer to boot? Insi-de my head cept this catastrophic change ner, and with a cold profes- were screams of denial and an in our collective reality as sional d.emeanor, the local on- people connected to one an- almost nauseating anger welled other. Please see DAWN, p. 6 Connection . May L996 2Oth. Anniversary Year

Editoriallv sneakins science or religion? To the ext.ent that any ehange might. SUGGESTIONS Lake p1ace, is iL possible to change t.he basic orientation FORA CARING CHURCH or only to control behavior? If any change is possible, By Robert Bouchard what price is exacted from the homosexual for it, and from Note: Robert Bouchard is President of SOA Xinship his or her family, loved ones, Int.ernational, Inc. and lives in New york City where he is and even the church. Finally, active in the national Interfaith Alliance Group and. in the does God require that price New York City Adventist Forum Church. and, if So, for what? lNext month's issue will explore Today's traditional be- damental- issues that urgently these questions. l lief s on homosexualit.y are need to be addressed: just that-traditional. The 4) When the above ques- rather negative views of to- 1 ) What is homosexuaL- tions have been thoroughly ex- day (which did not. exist. in ity? TLre church needs to ar- plored and t.he church clearly the early Christian church) rive at an accurate basic un- understands what homosexual- came about, over time, along derstanding by taking a long ity is, it will be ready to with a developing intolerance hard look at. specific bel_iefs consider what the BibTe says of various minoriLies. The and attitudes concerning ho- and how Christian princif>7es present stance did not resul-t mosexuals, sorting them out appfy.What does the Bibl-e from any specific study or one by one, accepting or re- real1y say and not say? To careful inspection of t.he is- jecting each on the basis of what degree are theoJ-ogians truth and knowledge. It should sure? What. does Ellen White sues. consider, as just one example, have to say on the topic, if that there are many kinds of anything? What. other central Over the past decade, a life-styles adopted by gay biblical themes and principles number of churches have taken peop1e, that many have or come to bear? a new look at homosexuality yearn for committed relat.ion- in order Lo assure that their ships and that many are Chris- This tlpe of careful in- beliefs rest on wisdom and tians and Adventists with a quiry and st.udy will help the truth, not just tradition. As vital faith. church at large to understand a resul-t, some churches found that the subject is far more that. their existing stance 2) Weigrh the scientific complex and difficult than needed some repositioning. many realize-especially those evidence on what causes homo- who demand that t.he church \"do It is time for the Sev- enth-day Advent.ist Church t.o sexua-Zrty. Does it make a dif - something\" wit,hout comprehend- conduct a major study of its ference whether the cause is own-not just because it,s a biological or environmental? ing the complexities. This is popular thinq to do, but be- If so, what difference does not an issue that. has clear- cause its owrr children are it make? How does cause re- cut, simple solutions. asking it to. part of the late to the possibility of church itself is asking for change in orientation? A11 Concurrently, there is the church's aLtention. people this should be researched in another direction in which the are hurting and answers are the light of recent scientific church should move-and it can studies. do this regardless of it.s the- need.ed. ologry on this issue. ft should 3) Studfz a7l- that is known move toward compassion and The church must take that regarding change of orienta- care. requesL seriously and really tion. There is simply no way look at the issues being the church can conscientiously A church characterized by raised, before it is equipped proceed without directly fac- Christian compassion must be- either t.o adopt a new theo- ing this perplexing question. come aware of what it is re- logical stance or to reaffirm What is the evidence of pos- ally like to grow up gay and its traditional approach sible change through either Adventist. It. must fee1 Lhe intense pain of Adventists Here are some of t.he fun- who've been taught as chil- dren and teenagers that their sexual orientation, which t.hey 2Oth. Anniversary Year May 1996 r Connection

did not choose yet which is by pastors and teachers. It actions cause a great deal- of central to their existence and is imperative that the church needless pain and should be identity, is sinful. Enormous handle its sacred duties re- repudiated. confusion and guilt results, sponsibly, giving young people from which there seems to be advi-ce based on fact instead There is much the church no escape. of ignorance. Factual infor- can do; but it need not do it all at once. Any pronounce- Young people must be made mation on homosexuality should ments on theology can and should wait until as much in- to feel that the church not be included in the training formation as possible has been only wants to help but is able of every Adventist pastor, collected and carefully stud- to help-so that the church teacher and counsel-or. Only ied. becomes the first place to God knows, for example, how which they would turn, instead many lives have been ruined OLher denominations have of the last. At present, the with sorrow and regret each lack of support seems so ob- time a gay person, for whom fi11ed volumes as they have vious to mosL gays that they marriage was noL the answer, researched this issue. Let not would not even begin to look got married on the advice that t.he Seventh-day Adventist for it in the church; and in it woul-d be the solution. Church be content with only case after case, none has been an occasional study paper. found when it. was sought. This Also, in SDA Kinship we remains true even though we have heard a number of heart- But most of all, l-et the recognize and appreciate the rending stories of counsel- church take steps to increase growing number of individu- ing confidences betrayed by the care and compassion ex- a-ls who have reached out to pastors and counseLors who tended to its lesbian and gay gay Adventists in pain. felt it their duty to pass on members. That is a responsi- information to the church bility of all churches that The church must also con- board, or to a teacher, dean call themselves Christian. sider how gay people are be* or principal or to the par- ing counseled, specifically, ents of a gay student. Such Vol-. 10, No. 5, May, 1-986 DAWN, from page 4 estimate you have six to nine me Lo the brink of destroying months, \" they said.. Six to my relationship, forced me to Marc and I wanted to find nine months ! ? My mind was face fear of insanity's final aghast. How l-i-ttle did I know degradation. Suicide became an focus and. purpose through \"THE then what chemotherapy and its alternative although I was complications would be. How petrified of not being suc- BAYOU BUZZ, \" [the loca1 Kin- little did I comprehend Lhe cessful. ship support publication we totality of the end of being produced, I through building- in control of the quality of In desperation to get and nurturing a partnership my Iife. How naive f was about through Lo me, my partner in of love and sharing, by giv- just how guickly it could hap- life gave me the frivolity of ing credence to our right to a f at.alist's f inal f ling as a position in this 1ife, pen. we ran away to Florida. It t,hrough the joy of owning a was allowing ourselves a spe- home, raising our Danes, by Why us? Why NO? us? cial time together before the attaining the pride of \"Show- rigors of chemotherapy and ing them it could work . ....\" After getting second and physical deterioration would even third opinions, I finally prevent us from sharing fond A11 was now transformed was forced to face the inevi- memories and dreams of what table necessity of making a could have been. But all with a rapidly radical inci- choice. Without medical treat- dreamers must sooner or later sion into the former richness ment my alternative h/as to wake to face their individual of our Iives. A manipulating give up and admit surrender realiti-es. Each must wake and and suffocating blanket of and acceptance of doom and deal with the day's tasks, frustration covered all who even if that be simply the are dear and cherished. They hopelessness. challenge of living another too had become victims. They too were, by association, sen- Sinking into a daze of day. tenced. to the pain and fear depression and self pity, my of this med.ical nightmare, loss of faith-forgetting the this life of the New Lepers. promise made to Job-brought \"Without treatment, we Connection . May 199 6 2Oth. Anniversary Year

As the mounting signs astation to one's quality of hind-to se11 the maLerial ominously pierced the protec- life? No job. No credit. There manifestations of this Bayou tion of procrastination about was no way to make plans for Odyssey-I can feel his sad- preceding \\^rith the treatments, future ventures or projects. ness and bitterness. Leaving I was engulfed by the fear ...a1ways wafting for the next so much is perhaps the hard- and sadness of being unabl-e blood count. ... always dream- est thing t.o bear. I wonder, to continue savoring our be- i-ng that the whole ordeal will will Lhe pressures of the dis- ing a one. ...of not being fade away as a bad nightmare. ease take him from me, too? only one of being alone. Choosing not to bend to what But what propelled me most was I perceived as a cloud of gmilt Why us? Why NOT us? knowing t.hat I woul-d not be hovering around me, the com- The violeL rosy hues abl-e to be there for him. fort of David's words in Psalm burst into the warmth of a 26:1 came to mind: bright spring day.The sun My quest for an answer pours into the room, warming led me to The Institute for Judge me, 0 Lord,' for I the chi11 from this space Immunological Disorders in have walked in mine integrrity: which I will miss very much. Houston where, with great Yet, life goes o[, if one trepidation, I began chemo- I have trusted also in forces it to. therapy during the Thanksgiv- the Lord; therefore I shal1 I remember God's promise ing holiday. Was I thankful? not s1ide. to Job and thank him for an- Not at that. point, as I found other dawn. the debiliLating rigors of the The strain and stress on drugs themselves often to be Marc, my chosen partner, has *in HBO's comedy monologue, worse than the disease. Yet, been equally traumatic. Yet., \"Comic Relief for the Home- after my six-month restaging, he too fights on. Even when I I am thankful for a semblance couldn't or wouldn't fight, less . \" of my former physical se1f. I he has never bowed to the sti1l have hope. I am still- prejudices of others and has VoL . 11-, No. 4, Apri7, 1987 alive. bold1y asserted the rightness of what we stand for as a But what. about the dev- couple in our community. As we are forced to leave be- 's Y oice by J. Vicki Shefton It amazes me to consider thing\" while a physically with inner qualities. the apparent importance of beautiful person has been able \"It. is a strange phenomenon, physical appearance in our gay to rely on her or his beauty but we have all seen it: people culture, when the actual hap- wilhout so much need to cul-- with glaring body defects-but piness we experience has re- tivate that extra quality, who feel good abouL them- ally very 1ittle to do with although many have done so. selves-quickly convince us, how good looking we are. We wit.hout saying a word, thaL each know people who are al- I beLieve the greatest they are beautiful, \" says Alan ways meeting \"this giorgeous lovers are not always the McGinnis in The Romance Fac- person, \" but whose friendships greatest fookers, but people Lor. We can, I belj-eve, df- are forever going sour. And who have learned to refine an ford to feel good about our- we also know people of aver- inner beauty. Barbara sefves. If we are not yet beau- age looks who seem to have Streisand, Martin Luther King, tifut, 1et us become so as we the ability to cause nearly develop into warmhearted, gen- anyone to fall in love with Eleanor Roosevel-t, and Abraham erous people--people who have them. Such a person, we say, achieved a rich relationship \"has something about him or Lincoln readily come to mind with God and one another. We her.\" The average-looking per- as examples of persons not may not have been born pretLy, son may rely on the \\some- often thought to be pretty, buL we can be beautiful. but who are indeed, beauti- Vol-. 6, No. 8, August, L983 ful. They each made up for a lack of physical perfection 2Oth. Anniversary Year May 1996 o Connectlon

Thinking I was the only homosexual SDA in the world, I knew ... WhatA Is LikeCloset byBobHo,,and In one house I lived in with male prostitutes, church be wrong about 9ays, as a kid in Cincinnati, we movingly told the court, \"My when it was right about so had a closet with a deep, dark decision Lo conceal an aspect much else? storage space at the top. I of myself and to try to lock would often sneak inside, that part in a tight, inac- Little did I realize that cl-imb up there, and spend what cessible compartment 1ed to all- of these impressions were seemed like hours, alone with years of loneli-ness and a forging chains which would my daydreams. IL was lots of sense of isolation. \" finally shackle my own mind, fun. A few years later, T en- and rob me of normal happi- tered. another closet-deeper For the homosexual, the ness for years to come. and darker than the first, and foundations of the closeL ex- I spent nearly twenty years perience are laid long before ft wasn't until I was con- there. That closet was any- he knows what \"gay\" means. fronted with the necessity of thing but fun. Looking back, I can see that marriage (if I wanted to be it began for me in my child- an SDA minister) that I began The first hiding place hood, as my family taught me to be seriously troubled by was the breeding ground of a ideas about human sexuality those \"other feelings\" I had child's enthusiasm and sense that had little truth in them. been aware of since my early of adventure. The second People I was obligated to teens. I shared my worries spawned depression, and fear trust told me \"the way things first with the college psy- and damaged. relationships. are\" in the world. chologist, then with a pro- fessor of pastoral counsel- This l-atter closet was f recall, for instance, ing. the long period of emotional hearing my father say, some- exile to which I sentenced time in the distant past, \"No prob1em, \" they both myself when I began to real- \"Those damned queers should said, in effect. \"Get married- ize L was homosexuaL. all be taken out and shot-\" that will take care of every- thing. \" From childhood, hetero- The obvious hatred behind sexual-s are affirmed in their Their advice, which I sexual orientation by the com- his words burned them into my followed, proved of littIe bined energies of their fami- memory. It would take years value. Although I still had 1ies, society and the church. for them to explode in my mind never acted on my desires, my Never are they challenged to their fulI arsenal of intimi- attraction to men grew stron- defend their attraction to the dation and fear. Most of us ger and more insistent after opposite sex. For this rea- wrestled for years with such I had married. son, they usually don't un- notions, never suspecting they derstand the trauma most of might be totally fa1se. The acceptability of us go through when we find eroticism in marriage actu- out we are gay. At school, I heard the aIly opened the door for me mocking slurs hurled at cer- to consider my own sexuality. M. Stanton Evans, the na- tain kids-\"queer, \" \"fag,,, I was shocked by what I dis- tionally slmd.icated columnist, \"fairy\" or worse. Under p__eer covered it to be. Eventually betrayed his own naivete when pressure, I laughed with ev- both my wife and I felt trapped he said on radio that he wished eryone el-se at the put-down \"people who feel constrained jokes. Even in a Christian and. betrayed. to practice homosexuality academy, you had to do noth- would. have the decency to be ing more serious than play Sti11, I would not deal hlpocrites. \" softball poorly to earn the directly with those feelings. epithets. I was theologically convinced \"Homosexuals, \" he went that \"perversion\" did not de- on, \"should stay in the In co11egre, I found my- serve acknowledgment. Don self agreeing with preachers Clark, in Loving Someone Gay, closeL. \" who condemned all homosexu- observes, out of his counsel- al-s-not just some-to heI1. ing experience, that \"the se- By contrast, a gay judge After all, it was in the Bibte, cret shame of these hidden in the Midwest who was found wasn't it? How could the feelings is the dragon at the guilty of having paid for sex gateway of ful1 self-aware- Connection . May 1995 2Oth. Anniversary Year

ness.\" (p. 6-7l, During those nightmarish just such a person. No mere dragon for me! f years I went to psychologists and counsefors from t.ime to Eventually, through the was nurturing a hideous mon- caring and acceptance of a ster that grew more threaten- time, but I was so \"locked kind SDA pastoral counselor, ing to my emotional hea1th up\" that they could seldom with every passing year. work with me. One came close I saw that feelings we are to getting me to deal with my afraid to face are feelings For the next several real problenF-accepting my gay- that can take on a desLruc- years I toiled on with my tive intensity. Someone put J-one1y secret, engaged in a ness. I dropped him. My t.he- it t.his way: \"Feelings you constant, internal civil war. ologi-y would not permit explo- Thinking I was the only homo- ration into that area- don't aflow through the front sexual SDA in the world added door will find a way out. If to my Lorment, for f was an By my early Ehirties I necessary, they will go exceptionally devout church had a marriage on the rocks, member. The greater my inner a severe back problem which through aissidtheewi.n.sdiodwe.,w, iIndsouws,-, turmoil, the more zealously I my doctor imj-gpaliteeddw, aasnedmboltoioond- threw myself into spiritual aIly inst pect it pursuits. expressions of their sexual- ity that often get gay men Psychologists say that pressure so high that doctors into i11 health or trouble one of our most basic needs warned me I was in danger of is to avoid loneliness, to be a severe stroke. with the police. connected to the people around My pastor friend taught us. This is possible only The tragedy of the closet me by his manner that. God ac- through self-disclosure, a is that for many, like my- cepts all of us on the basis willingness to share oursel-ves se1f, the pain becomes a way of his grrace, not on the ba- at a deep personal 1eve1. of 1ife. For years f hated sis of our sexual orientation. the face I looked at in the But to be closeted is to mirror. I pleaded with God to S1ow1y f learned how good it build an invisible wal1 be- feels not to lie to, or hide tween yourself and those you Iet me die. f stayed de- from or cheat myself. love. You must protect your- pressed. I was too exhausted Coming out of the closet self from discovery at any to go on. I thought oft.en about cost. You lose the ability to suicide. IiVhy not, if f could means you begin to t.ake charge trust even your closest of your whole self, to ce1- friends. not be the person I rea1ly ebrate your total identity. was, be able to have what I This leads to an unbe- really wanted out of life? It means you personalize your lievable level of tension. sexuality, you place yourself Perhaps we could i_11_ustrate Al-1 of this was because where loving relationships are this \"on guard,, stance this of an igmorance imposed on me way: Imagine you are standing from my earliest years by so- possible once more. in a swimming poo1, secretly ciety, and even more force- Do f sound as if I am holding under the water, with glad I came out of the closet? your arms and 1egs, several fu11y, by my church. I knew f am glad, absolutely, exu- inflated beach balIs. They are nothing about homosexuality berantly I clumsy and prone to slip free, other than what the st.ereo- and to rise. But you are con- tlpes and myths allowed me to Most of the dire conse- vinced that if one reaches the guences I anticipated about surface, it wilt have disas- know. coming out. did not, in fact, trous consequences. At the same time, you are trying to The myth that. there is befa11 me. Through a mutual carry on a norma1 conversa- one kind of homosexual per- willingness to learn from each tion with people around. the sonality is what keeps us in edge of the pool I the closet. For inst.ance, ..al1 other and to grow through our pain, my exwife and I have That kind of tension 1ed gay men are effeminate,,, or remained close friends. She me to such a state of dis- \"a11 lesbians are masculine Lress that by my late twen- and abrasive. ,, has become a quietly effec- ties, I had already been hos- tive advocate of gay rights pitalized once for an emo- If f fear such qualit.ies, in her church circles. tional co11apse. or believe that all gays pos- sess them, I remain unable to She has encouraged me to be honest. with our son, and recognize or admit my own gay- this has made his relation- ness\" Either I tell_ myself, ship to both of us even closer. \"I'm not like that, so I can,t. possibly be one, ,, or I refuse I don't mean to suggest that the process of coming out to e>rplore my sexual feelings, has always been easy for me. because I am afraid that by doing So, I wilL turn int.o Someone has said he found the closet, to be really more like 20th. Anniversary year May 1996 r Connection

a tunnel, through which you than ever, the crisis we are think of the countl-ess people keep moving, stage by stage, in demands that. we stand side whose lives have been messed ever closer t.o complete sef f- by side, in di-gnity and de- up by well meaning, loving, acceptance and emotional heal- termination, insisting upon but misinformed parents, ing. It has been that way for our human and spiritual friends and minisLers. me. After twenty years, I had rights. Can we do less for Being Gay has also shown a lot to get over. our brothers who are dying me the strength of l-ove that I do not believe I would have At. a particularly pain- around us? seen otherwise. I have been fuL and lonefy period of my to Gay religious services life, as I was strugqling to Merle Mi11er, the late where the love of God fl-ows establish my gay identity, a gay author, once wrote: and unites, where people are friend assured me, \"The best not afraid to touch each years of your life are ahead \"No minority in this other, where the bonds of love of you. \" I wondered how he country or anlrwhere else has have been so strong that even could be right, but now I can gained its rights by remain- death could not prevail also look back on several ing silent, and no revolution against it. years of growth experiences as member and worker in the has ever been made by the wary. Being Gay has shown me a gay cofiununity. My interaction smal1 glimpse of what eter- with other gay men and women Or the self-pitying. \" nity will be like, for I have The church may not un- been with people who l-ive and has enriched me and strength- work and play in harmony with ened. my resolve not to deny derstand or appreciat.e our new peaocrthinogtheearch- loving and sup- any longer that I am gay. It visibility and our insistent other as wonder- is an important part of who I voice. But we cannot be si- fu11y unique individuals cre- am. I may not always choose 1ent. We must, for future gen- ated by the same God. to announce it, but I no longer erations, once and for all Am I sorry that I am Gay? fear its discovery. dispense with our enemy-the No! If I had a choice, woufd closet. I become straight? NoI Even I have had quite enough VoJ-. L1-, No. 2, February, J-987 in spite of t.he fact I would of alienation from myself and no longer be harassed and mis- from others. I now feel good Feelinqs about myself, and I find that understood? Yes ! as I open my heart more to f can truly thank God that I am Gay, for being Gay Why??? Because by being they open theirs to has caused me to view a seg- Gay I have come in touch with ;::\".=, ment. of society I would have rea1it.y. I have come cl-oser than I have ever been before Because of my experience, not. seen/otherwise. to the true meaning of love- I am opposed to the closet. f Being Gay has forced my divine and human. Most of all understand the fears of those because being Gay has caused men and women who choose to concept. of love to expand. me to wake up and reevaluate remain hidden, but I cannot Being Gay has caused me to my personal relationship with , flatter them that it is in tsheeeypeboeplewoams epne,ompleen-,wGhaeytheorr Christ, my religious beliefs any way good for their emo- straight. Being Gay has shown and my objectives in life, I tional physical health. me what hatred and. oppression are. I have been ca1led \"fag- each of which has been posi- Particularly where the goL\" and \"queer\", have had Lively changed. by the reevalu- church is concerned, I refuse large rocks t.hrown at me as I any longer to remain invis- walked down a street, and seen ati-on. ib1e. To do so is to give my friends end up in a hospital approval and support to those after being beaten up by \"nor- Yes, I thank God for all who, in the name of God, ha- ma1 , al l -American macho,, the experiences I have had and rass and suppress gay Chris- will have because I am Gay. I tians and rob them of their youths. spiritual privileges. have made many mistakes i-n my Being Gay has shown me life and will undoubtedly make fn view of the AfDS epi- the poison of ignorance and many more. However, I can say demic, this may not seem the the hatred it breeds. There that coming out as an openly best of all times for us to are times when I feel like Gay person was not one of thenr- come out of our closets. Right screaming at all the \"righ- prai-se the Lordl now it. is not \"popu1ar\" to be teous\" bigots who condemn all gay, if it ever was. But more Gay people to Hel1 in the name Vol. 3, No. 7, March, -Jym of Christianity. I cry when f L980 10 Connection o May 1996 2Oth. Anniversary Year

The City of Sodom lr Moy Hqve Been Desfroyed, But it Won'l Go Awoy! What about this town that was burned to the ground yet sti11 stands as a monument to the condemnation of homosexuals throughout the agres? It was a wicked place in its d.y, and millenniums later even its rubble continues to shout lies. Maybe we can put a few of those falsehoods to rest: 1. Sodom had a larger than usual gay population. Fact: There is no reason whatsoever to assume this, biblically or historically. 2. ft was a crowd of homosexuals who demanded to rape the angels. Fact: There is no reason to beLieve the crowdwasn't representative of the city's gTeneral population-and mostly heterosexual. Lot must have presumed t.hem to be heterosexual, as he offered them his daughters. When the basic story fine is repeated in Judges l-9, the crowd does accept a woman in lieu of the males and rapes her to death. But st.ill, Lhe record does not say whether the crowds were homo- sexual, bisexual or het.erosexual. 3. The story illustrates that homosexuality is sin. Fact: Lust and rape are sinful for heterosexuals and homosexuals al-ike. Even if the crowd were homosexuals, their behavior would. not condemn \"homosexuality\" any more than the behavior of the heterosexual rapists in Judges 19 condemns hetero- sexuality - 4. God destroyed the city because of that incident. Fact: No! God had already decided to destroy t.he city before the incident oc- curred. That's why the angels had come-to destroy the city. 5. God destroyed the cit.y because of homosexuality. Fact: This most blatant 1ie of them all is endlessly recited without justifica- tion. Far from being \"the\" reason, homosexuality is not even listed as one of the reasons. The Bible is very specific on the real reasons for Sodom's destruction: .pride . laziness .too much food I .poor and needy suffered outside her door I .worshipped many idols1 6. Ellen White says it was destroyed because of homosexuality. FacL: She names many specific reasons for the city's destruction2 but homosexual- ity is not one of them. She makes no connection between the vile passions of the infamous crowd and homosexual-ity, and never hints that t.he incident figured prominently in the city's wickedness or in its destruction. It is not right that the wickedness of Sodom shoul-d live on, in continued inhospitality Loward those who may be strangers to the heterosexual \"in. crowd. With the blinders of fal-sehood put to rest, may we now see the many valuable lessons the story of Sodom real1y holds for us a1l. 1 (Ezekiel L6:49, 50), The Living Bible sodom, \" patriarchs and prophets see the chapter, \"The Destruction of 2 Vol. L0, No. 4, Apri7, 1986 --Larry Hallock 2Oth. Anniversary Year May 1996 . Connection t-1

For vacation--don't miss mentos of Mackenzie's colourful- 1i-f e. HISTORIC TORONTO COIJBORNE LODGE. An at- The past two months, we it was like to be a British tractive Regency-style house featured the first two of a soldier in the early 19th cen- built by one of Toronto's ear- series of articles on the tury, and see what he looked liest architects features, popular tourist att.ractions in like when the Fort York Guard amonq many other antiques, the Toronto area to help you marches, fires musket volleys possibly the first indoor toi- plan your vacation to Toronto and artillery salutes to the 1et in Upper Canada. ft also for Kampmeeting '86 in August strain of the fife and drum. supposedly features a ghost- this summer. This month, we the architect's wife died here feature Historical Toronto. PROVINCIAIJ PARLIAMENT in an upst.airs bedroom and people claim to have seen \"Colonel- Simcoe returned BUILDING. An imposing edifice lights in that room 1at.e at from Toronto and speaks in of pink sandstone and granite night. praise of the harbour and a in grassy, tree shaded Queen,s fine spot covered with large Park, the forum for Ontario,s ENOCII TURNER SCHOOI,- Oak which he intends to fix politicians, was built in t.he upon as a site for a \\Towrt. \"' late 1800's. Visitors can IIOUSE. 1t may look humble Thus wrote Mrs. Simcoe in her st.roll the marble ha1ls, take enough, but it was the begin- diary, May of i-793, and guided tours, or listen to the ning of a great id.ea-free edu- Toront.o's real history began. honourable members in the Leg- cation. Now the city's first Surviving Lwo great fires, an islative Chamber. free (and oldest surviving) American invasion, a cholera schoolhouse is completely re- epidemic and other disasters OSGOODE EAIJL. The Law stored and includes a hi-story natural and man-made, Toronto Society of Upper Canada es- exhibit on 19th century has come a long way. Because tablished itself in the hand- of the above-mentioned fires, some neoclassical mansion in Toronto. and t.he wrecker's bal-I, much 1830, a time when Toronto was GIBSON IIOUSE. David of early Toront.o is no more, so rural the fence had spe- but enough remains and thanks cial- cow gates to keep out Gibson, a supporLer of Will- to an aroused citizenry, will wandering livestock. The So- iam Lloyd Mackenzie in the continue Lo remain, t.o give cl-ety, the house and the gates Rebellion of 1837, built this us some idea of the town that are sti11 there, surrounded elegant brick house for him- greeted the disembarking im- by some of Toronto's newest, sel-f in the mid-1800's. Now migrant in the 1800's. biggest and most impressive perfectly restored, it is also buildings. The contrast is the scene of daily demonst.ra- OLD FORT YORK. Est.ab- considerable. Guided tours are tions of pioneer crafts and available on weekdays during lished in 1793, bl-own sky-high July and August. cooking. by the retreating British in l-813, rebuilt almost immedi- IIACKENZIE IIOUSE. This was THE GRANGE. Mat.thew ateIy, and now restored with Arnold, one of the many fa- eight original 1og, stone and the home of fiery William Lyon mous guesLs to visit the brick buildings. If you visi-t. Mackenzie, Toronto's first Grange, wrote that he'd found the fort during the sufilmer, mayor and leader of the i11- \"nothing so pleasant and so you'11 get a good idea of what fated Rebellion of 1837. The homelike\" in all his t.ravels. furnishings are authentic This beautifuf Georgian Coun- 1800's and there are many me- Lry house was the home of a Toronto family for two qen- \"rrl* KINSHTP KAMPMEETTNG.g6 ,*rf '9*':oo roronto, ffif#i'-\"iffi:e be there! \"\"flto L2 Connection . May 1996 2Oth. Anniversary Year

TorOntO, continued from previous page erat.ions, until deeded to the most modern and ingenious in- CAIIPBELL HOUSE. A beau- Art Gallery of Ontario. Now ventions of t.he age. It was tiful colonial brick mansion, restored, you can see what a sir Henry's purpose, with this formerly the residence of Sir \"gentleman's residence\" of the magnificent 98-room castle, to William Campbe1l, Chief Jus- 1830's looked Iike. offer fitting hospitality for tice of Upper Canada, 1825- visiting royalty, and provide 29. Now refurnished in period. MOIITGoMERY,S INN. Built a permanent edifice, of which about 1830 by Thomas Montgom- Torontonians coul-d be proud. TORONTO'S FTRST POST OF- €ry, an Irish immigrant and A place of Kings and Queens captain of the militia, here and horse-drawn carriages. FfCE. The only two surviving is a fj-ne example of loyalist Great halls and secret pas- buildings on their oriqinal or lat.e Georgian architecture. sag'es. A masterpiece of ar- site in the Town of York, the The t4 rooms have been re- chitecture and imagination. Post Office and Bank of Upper stored to the period of l-830- 1855 when the Inn was in its BIACK CREEK PIONEER \\IIL- Canada, have been designated heyday as both a business and IJAGE. A living Ontario vil- a focal point for community Iage, which recreates with national historic sites. The services. surprising realism the sights, Post Office represents the sounds, and smells of a rural_ British Postal period (prior CASA IJO!.IA. A fairy-tale pioneer communi-ty of pre-Con- to 1851) in Canada and the castle in the heart of the federation years. Flour is PosLmaster, in period costurne, city. This was the amazing ground in the mi1l, horses are provides contemporary postal creation of Sir Henry Pellatt., shod in the blacksmith's shop, service. an Edwardian soldier, indus- t.he villagers wear period cos- trialist and financier, who tumes and work at t.heir pio- Next month, we wi1l feature Out- spent $3 million in 1911- to neer crafts while you watch of-Town Toronto. In the meantime, build a rambling medieval make plans NOW to be in Toronto castle t.o live in, fi11ed with and wander. for Kampmeeting '85 in August thj-s the greatest luxuries and the sr.umer! [Or how about Augnret '95!] Insert in Vol- . 1-0, No. 5, May, 1-985 Dear Kinship Readers, This month's recipe is one I have served for many Kinship There are a 1ot of us functions, with rave reviews. out here who like to cook and Bon Apetit ! eat, Now is our chance to share our favorite vegetarian reci- Mushroom Nut Pote pes with everyone in Kinship. I would also like to make this 2 Tbsp. butter (l/4 stick) 2 Tbsp. oil column more than just reci- pes. If you have any tips on I lb. mushrooms, sliced 1/4 tsp. ihyme cooking or entertaining that would be of help to us, I 'I 114 to ll2 tsp. solt would l-ike for you t.o include smoll onion, sliced dosh red pepper souce them al-so. I clove gorlic, minced toosted sesome seeds (gornish) ossoried crockers Your participation will 314 cup slivered olmonds, toosied be a very important part of this column, so please start 114 cup hozel nuts, toosted thinking of your recipes and send them to: Melt butter in lorge skillet over medium-high heot. Add mushrooms, onion ond gorlic ond soute until most of the liquid hos evoporoted. Remove from heot ond set oside. Ha] ,Jobe Coorsely chop nuts in blender or processor ond set oside 2 Tbsp. of them. Continue PO Box 7320 chopping lhe rest, slowly odding the oil until mixture is well blended. Add seosonings ond Laguna Niguel , CA 926'77 mushroom mixture ond blend well. Siir in remoining nuis, mold into o loof ond sprtnkle wiih sesome seeds. Serve of room temperoture with the ossoried crockers. Any combinoiions of nuts will work os long os ihe omounis ore correct. Also, this pote' lends well to experimentoiion wiih spicings, so be creotive. VoJ- . L1-, No. 3 , March, 1_987 2Oth. Anniversary year May 1995 . Connection 13

VISIBILITY gation. We need to partici- Our Lady of Oshawa pate in Lhe service when by Herself By Vern Schlenker, .Jr. asked. And when requested to serve the church by holding Advice, comments, and answers This little light of mine, office, we should accept the to the questions in all of I'm gonna 1et it shine. responsibility. For only by us. Hide it under a bushel? No! being visible will we change 1'm gonna let It shine.\" the collectively negative at- Happy Valentine's Day, pos- titude of the church. f'm not sums ! As I write this I am This morning while walk- advocatj-ng that we take to surrounded by flowers and ing home in the rain, I caught wearing buttons stating we are Godiva chocolates. Valentine's myself humming the tune to gay, but 1'm saying we should Day is may favoriLe day of this song from my childhood. not hide ourselves nor our the year. A11 those gifts from As I began to consciously galmess. Word within Adven- adorning friends. But a1as, think of the words, I found tist congregati-ons travels the American Express bill myself applying their mean- rapidly. Special music by a tel1s a different st.ory. So ing with new significance In woman who is also a lesbian, what if I sent them to my- my 1ife. or an inspiring devotional self? At least I got some- talk in Sabbath School by a thing this year. And while the Before f continue 1'd gay man will have far-reach- rest of you are running around like to make a couple of quali- ing positive effects upon Ad- trying to find that gift that fications. First, f wanL to ventist attitudes. says \"f love you,\" 1'11 just address my remarks to those sit here and pigr out on choco- of us who have disclosed our The closeted homosexual- l-ates. Oh look, another de- sexuality to boLh family and within the Adventist Church livery boy wi-th f lowers. I employer the openly gay quit.e oft,en needs someone to wonder who they are from? person. Second, I have no in- turn to in confidence for un- tention to negate the impor- derst.anding and support. There Dear Lady, tance of witnessing for Christ are rnany sources available for -- \"letting your light shine counseling, but it is espe- With Kampmeeting just for Him. \" However, f want to cia11y beneficial to talk t.o five months away, I have take the concept of personal a friend who understands your started working on my packing testimony of a few steps be- basic beliefs. The best source Iist. of things to t.ake to Kamp. yond\" our usual interpretation. from which a closeted homo- My designer curtains for the Third, I'd like to briefly window, Calvin Klein sheets apply this concept of testi- sexual SDA could seek support for the bed, my award-wi-nning mony to four areas: the Sev- would be an openly gay Chris- roses for the doorstep, my enth-day Adventist Church; the tian. By allowing your \"light entire summer designer ward- to shine\" in regards to your robe from Glitz by Fritz, etc. closeted homosexual; the young sexuality, you become a source What else would you suggest I of strength and encouragement bring? person struggling with his/ for those unable to be vis- her sexual identity, and our- ible. Packing in Portland selves. As most of us know, grow- Dear Packing, To most people in the Ad- ing up with homosexual feel- ventist-Church, to be gay and ings can be very traumatic for What is this? ! Show and Christian is a contradiction an Adventist young person. The teII? Possum, you are not in of terms. Very few Adventist church and its school system the first grade anymore. This congiregations welcome an reinforce his/her negative is Kampmeeting, not show and openly gay person in their self-image by teaching that. te1l. If you want to show off worship services, 1et alone homosexuality is sinful, thus the entire contents of your al-low him/her to function in the person becomes evi1. As Frank Lloyd Wright home, I a leadership ro1e. Yet there the struggle with sexual iden- suggest you invite some of the are 1oca1 congregations and tity conti-nues, all too often Kinship folk over for a visit. members within churches who t.he young person decid.es that Or maybe start a Better Homos are supportive and urge gay there is no place for him/her and Gardens column in the Con- Adventist.s Lo part.icipate in God's plan for salvat.ion. nection. ful1y in worship services. Kampmeeting is a time of Gay Adventists need to be visible in the 1ocal congire- L4 Connection . May 1996 2Oth. Anniversary Year

fellowship with other mernlcers Advice Columnist Guild; Tues- bottled this morning\" ) is a of our Kinship family; a time day we watch for the hunky good choj-ce, and the closest. to get to know each other. If guys that pick up the recy- thing to alcoholic wine you you want to impress people, cling; Wednesday we hang out can get with a real cork. do it by sharing who you re- at the Mack dealership; Thurs- a1ly are. People will be more day we do laundry; Friday we Dear Lady, impressed with your openness watch the factory workers line and honesty than by the en- up at the beer store; Satur- f'm scared to go out so- tirety of your designer co1- day we watch the fashion show cializing because I don't know lection. of people going to church; and what is the correct outfit to Sunday we do our house work. wear during an economic re- For many people, Kamp- covery. Can you help? meeting is a unique week in For even more excitement, their lives. One where they Worried in West Ho11y- can shed the persona they have here in Oshawa, you can watch developed to get by in this cars come off of the produc- wood harsh world. A week where we tion line at General Motors; al-l can be a group of real watch the sidewalks being Dear Worried, people, not a col-lection of rolled up at 6:00 pm; or watch pretentious personas. the city council debates on Possum, just because you the local cable channel_ don't know the politically My advice to you is bring correct outfit to wear is no just what. you need for the Well, it seems that Our reason to stay home. Tf that week, and leave you persona Lady is becoming quite a star. were the case, Our Lady would at home. You love me, yon hate me, and have to spend another year at you have debates about me. home. The correct thing to Dear Lady, Talk about your 15 minutes of wear during an economic re- fame. I guess I'11 need to covery are clothes made from I've been reading your bring a bodyguard with me to recycled issues of The Wall- column since it began. I must Kamp this year. I hear that Street Journal. confess I've developed a love,/ there will be Our Lady of hate relat.j-onship with what Oshawa T-shirts aL Bizarre, VoL. 1-8, Nos. 2 & 4, Feb. you write in the \"Our Lady of Bizarre for my fans, and the and Apri7, 1994 Oshawa\" persona. My quest.ion Our Lady of Oshawa dart board is this: Do people actually for those who dislike me. Letters, frompage 20 write questions to you, or do The pastor said that the you sit around all day there Quite recently, a sma1l in Oshawa and make all of this group of picketers assembled information Iin the introduc- up? If the latter is Lrue, outside my house in Oshawa tory letterl had opened his then get a life! calling for me to stop pub- eyes. Before Ireceiving lishing my column. f,d like Kinship's mailingl he had been Want.ing answers in Walla to see you do that in the so repulsed by the whole mat- middle of a -43 degree Cana- ter that if a student. would Walla dian winter. WeI1, we always have come to him for help he wanted to be bigger than 1ife, probably would not have helped Dear Wanting, and when the scales hit 200 but asked him to leave pounds last week it finally I school ] . This mat,erial has The fact that you wrot.e brought a new openness to him t.his l-et.ter to be answered happened ! and he said it was a real ben- proves that people do write efit . to Our Lady of Oshawa. (Heck, Dear Lady, we are world famous in I thought you might want Vrlhen serving Grandmoth- to know how things were goi-ng Oshawa ! ) ers Cottage Cheese Loaf, what on the packets since we aI- is the correct accompanying ways see that we need money As for your love/hat.e to send them but don't hear relationship with my writings, wine? what is becoming of them. if at times you don,t con- sider it in \"good taste,,, just Puzzled in Petrolia Love, remember that it is written in the spirit of fun, and is Dear Puzzled, Name withheld to not meant to offend. protect. identities. Since you are serving a Vol. 7, No. 4, Apri1, -JVS As for getting a Life, veggie dish, I'd suggest one L994 why? I've got one. Monday af- of the great Ontario wines. ternoon, it,s tea with the Ontalac (Canadian f or .. just 2Oth. Anniversary Year May 1996 . Connection 15

8.G., THE CIII'RCH, ing glance from a closeted about my church and my homo- sexuality. The difference came GAY AIID ME blond-haired, blue-eyed, Vege- in how unreserved my gay life- Burger-raised young man. ft style rea11y was. Michael Montgomery never happened. The signs of Christian- Sprawled out on the ity had been there all right; Somewhere between being apartment f1oor, with the in- I'd openly carried my Bible a Seventh-day Adventist in tent of rewriting an English for a time. And the choking, gtood standing and coming out paper one evening, my eyes smothering \"sin and die\" feel- I got the idea that f had to happened to faII on a set of ing was ever present-espe- act gay. f became the perfect the Testimonies. Months be- cia11y to those of us hidj-ngf stereotype homosexual. I fore I had moved all of Mrs. our homosexuality. danced at the discos until two White,s books to the bottom every morning. I chased men shelf of the bookcase. I worked hard at Chris- wiLh tighL, worn-in-the-seat. f had \"more important,, tianity then. I've not had to do anything special in these Levis and padded bulges. I books with which to spend my more recent years to show the learned to Iisp, walk with a Lime: Cominq Out. Lovinq Some- world I'm a Christian. It swing and even be a littte flows out naturally for me one Gav, David Didn,t But limp wristed if the occasion Jonathan Miqht. etc. I no now. call-ed for it. longer had a need to look at For a time, being gay Picking up the lingo was E. c. White and recall my past became more important to me a bit embarrassing because T life and its guilts. than being a person. f was so would make Freudian slips at determined that people should But the memories of hours accept the gay in me before the most inopportune moments- spent studying her words on they saw the me in me. l-ike the morning I was laugh- Iife, love and happiness while ing at one of the pastor,s in church or at the academy f've matured. I no longer jokes and caught myself say- were difficult to ignore. Ir- need to live my sexuality or ing, \"Gir1, that was so resj_stibly I began flipping my religion in a way that funny. . . t' through the books that once smacks people in the face. I don't need. gay lingo or to In t.he final stages I,d told me how to pattern every quote Mrs. White. I have a even learned how to stay awake area of my 1ife. These were way of living that now exem- in o1d Judy Garland and Mae words that I had loved and plifies both my galmess and West movies and pretend to honored. my Christianity. I live both like them. now by t.heir common denomina- I had adapted well to her tor: 1ove. f would go nowhere, gay teachings. My love for my or st.raight, withouL the church and. my love for God VoL. 6, No. 9, September, proper colored bandana tucked were like second nature to me. conspicuously in my hip My fervor, IikeMrs. White,s, 19 83 pocket,. I would walk into was genuine. I was amazed at church watching for some know- how similar were my feelings Far from rhe many criai- tua se t-ane il.tl lDlte qs your gulde and error approaches often em- ployed in finding a lifeJ-ong For fhe Love of Your Life amour is the blueprint offered in the Scriptures. In both Jim Mayes From the time one dis- Testaments the love relation- Selecting a life partner covers his/her sexual orien- ship is used in simile and tation, an average of eight metaphor t.o draw our atten- is a formidable task for hu- years has slipped by before tion and affections to Chri-st, mankind. One of the crucial settling down in a long-term our heavenly Lover. The same d.ecisions of our three score relationship (Berger, 1984) . approach is of worthy consid- and-ten years, it ranks with Even so, the same averagfe eration in seeking tend.er and career choice as one of the North American has already sacred union with a human two influences with the most been deeply involved in three l-ove. The gifts of ,fesus are impact upon us. intense love affairs (Hi1l, ever new (DA, p. 148). L979). @ 1_6 Connection . May 1996 2Oth. Anniversary Year

An open letter to fhe members of fhe Adventist church A lesbion's personol perspective on occeptqnce in the church My name isn't rea1ly same t.reatment and lack of re- Lo give me hope, someone to Joanne Sul1iere. I'm afraid spect should you find out tel1 me it's okay to feel Lhe to teIl you my real- name. I'm about my homosexual tenden- way I do-that it's not my afraid of your reaction, your cies. fault; that I'm not a per- rejection, your judgement. I'm vert, like f hear so many afraid that if you knew who f You know me as the little dR, you would forever see me girl who sang in front of the around me sayi-ng homosexuals as a homosexual, and blpass church on Sabbath mornings; are. my intelligence, my talents, the girl who was devoted to my abilities, my love for God, her church, her God and her But no one tafks about. and my love for my family and family. You know me as the it. Homosexuality is liter- friends. girl who was involved in Sab- ally kept \"j-n the closet. \" Too bath afternoon singing bands, many leaders of our church, I've been hidingf in your going to the local nursing pastors in our local churches, midst since I was a child. homes and visiting with the teachers in our schools, Sab- I've been hiding in your e1derly. bath School teachers, parents churches, your academies and and children are ignorant co11eges, and in your homes. I sat beside you in about this issue. I've been hiding behind \"nor- church, and we chatted about ma1\" heterosexual behavior by the latest happenings. You Being uneducated about an dating throughout high school invited me home for Sabbath and college-a11 in a desper- dinner; camped with me in issue only breeds fear and ig- ate attempt to \"be liked\" by Pathfinders; and knew me at norance. How can I expect you other gir1s. to love and care about me when summer camp. you only hear negative things I tried to be close Lo boys I was dating, but never I've spoke in your Sab- about homosexual-s? How are you with any success. f guess they bath School class and at your could sense that I simply was academy and col-lege Week of to understand what homosexu- noL attracted to them. My re- Prayer. f sang in the choir ality is if no one ever tal-ks lationships never lasted 1ong. and played in the band. I was about it? Boys were always more like supported financially by you good friends than boyfriends. when I traveled overseas as a How oft.en do you and your student missionary and taught I have always treated your children in our SDA friends discuss the rampant friends of the same sex with schools... and, yes, you have perverted behavior committ.ed respect. and 1ove. I suppressed even thanked me for being a every day by heterosexuals? and denied all feelings of positive spirj-tual influence If we did focus on Lhat, would attraction to gir1s, partly on your children. you become afraid of hetero- because I respected their sexuality? Would you be afraid sexual preference, and partly I'm your sister, your of your own natural desires? because I was afraid of their daughter, your granddaughter Of course not. But don't we rejection of my friendship, and your friend. You are my do the same with homosexual- should they discover my sexual family, but you are as afraid itv? orientation. of me as I am of you. I never chose my sexual I've laughed along with A11 my 1ife, I have sat orient.ation. 1 only wish it you at the jokes you've made through church services, wait- could be that simple! I've about. homosexuals, all the ing for someone, somewhere, spent more than 30 years try- while cringing inside, fear- to talk about homosexuality. ing to change my sexual ori- fuL that I would receive the 1've waited for someone to let entation. f abstained from me know what it is and why it acting on my homosexual de- is. f've waited for someone sires. I believed God's Word when He said t.hat homosexual- ity is an \"abomination.\" I've been as abhorred by my sexual 2Oth. Anniversary Year May L996 . Connect.ion t7

preference as you are, and thrills my heart to know that. LOVE, from page 16 He would 91ad1y enter my ffieritage maybe even more so! house, eat at my table, and has imparted Lo us a keen ap- spend the night in my home. preciation for the human mind. I've prayed, memorized His arms would be open to give This clashes with the socio- scripture, fasted, changed my cultural context of the late diet, received anointment and me warmth and acceptance. His twentieth century, which con- counseling-all in the attempt fines us to encounters on t.he to eradicate this sexual ori- eyes would sparkle with laugh- physical p1ane. entation from my heart and ter, and His face would glow mind. I've suppressed my de- with unconditional love. In searching for our sires and longings to express Creator's love we are first 1ove, all wit.h the one goal Jesus teaches me to love invited to come and reason to- of living a life of hol-iness those who are ignorant of ho- gether (see Isa. 1:18 and SC, in obedience to God's commands mosexuality and those who p. 43). and His ideal for my 1ife. lreat homosexuals with indif- I've spoken with other people, ference or outright hatred. It follows naturally that who grew up in the SDA church And His life provides an ex- a lasting earthly refat.ion- and are involved in homosexual ample that shows you to love ship begi-ns in a similar in- relationships, and tried to and accept gays and lesbians, telLectual manner. Fa]1 in convince them t.he \"error of even though you may not un- love with his/her mind before their ways. \" derstand or agree with them. falling into bed! Af ter a1l- this, af ter f pray that His Spirit Individuals who wouldn' t more than 30 years of praying will continue to work in our for God Lo change me, Lo take church, in the hearts and have the proverbial- snowball's these desires away, to give minds of our l-eaders, our me strengith to live a life of teachers, our schools and our chance in the hot oven of purity, my homosexual- orien- famil-ies. physical desire can become tation is as strong as ever. downright fascinating when But don't forget me. f 'm reevaluated in the light of And I am sti11 hiding from here, all- around you. And I intelligent discussion. Ex- you. I am stil-l- afraid of you. need your love. pressed views, cofirmon opin- My family, who know of my ho- ions and shared experiences mosexual orientation, are also This articLe was written for wil-1 draw you infinitely afraid of you, of your reac- pubTication in a Seventh-day closer to choosing Mr. /Ms. tion, your assumpt.ions about Adventist magazine, but none Right than all the physical their daughter, your judg- of them wouTd pubTish it. f easting you can handl-e. Joanne SuLLiere's story origi- Checking out what's between ments. in the Febru- his/her ears is ultimately na77y appeared of the Cana- more worthy than some of the Am I misjudging you? Are more questionable attributes you willing to learn about ho- ary 1994 jssue we concern ourselves with. mosexuality? Are you willing (Take a good look at 1 Sam. to learn to love the homo- dian Communique, the newsLet- ter of SDA Kinship Canada. L6:7 ) sexual ? Vol-. 1-8, No. 5, May/,June, 1-994 Don't limit yourself to If you are, please te11 the traditional path of mat- youi pastor and the leaders HAVE YOU NOrICED... ing. Pursue and develop your of your conference. Wri-te the hobbies and pastimes. You may editors of your SDA newsl-et- Kinship family rlrrentba:r$\" touch base with your soul's ters and journals, and tell $hen tqether, mate at a night class you've them you want to see more ar- promised yourself, during a ticles about. homosexuality in SMII.E A LOT! Studebaker swapmeet, at the their publications. Te1I your ubiquitous organ recital, as pastors that. you want. to learn you enjoy a LioneL train ex- what homosexuality is, and you hibition or even while doing want to learn how to love and volunteer work. There's no accept the homosexual. need to be shy. You know the dress code, the body langnrage, f am assured daily of the the 1ingo. Put that knowledge reaction that our Lord and to work for you in exploring Savior Jesus Christ would show a friendship. Given t.ime, it ffi€, were He to wafk into my church some Sabbath. It 20th. Anniversary Year 18 Connection . May 1996

may evolve into courtship and not plunge headlong into Lhe fold naturally, like a fi1ly Iifelong fellowship together baptismal tank to declare your in spring. Let your soul be in Christ. undying devotion to him. No doubL you took time to care- drawn ouLward and upward (SC, Above all, don't over- fu1Iy consider the philoso- look the sodality of Kinship. phy, actions and promises p. 99). Indulge fu1ly your This organization was con- proffered before committing shared interests, establish ceived in pain and prayer to yourself. patterns of comfortabl-e in- provide the tableplace for teraction and communication. love and support denied Lo us Ditto with your eart.hly Grant immeasurable muLual by our own frightened and un- intended.. In quiet moments self-respect. a1one, contemplate the impact comprehending denomination. she or he has on your life. Can two walk together ex- Do you mutually value life- cept they be agreed? (Amos Kinship has arms of love wide sty1e, educational 1eve1s, 3:3) God the Son found such enough for everyone-from the intelligence, spiritual out.- joy and pleasure in his most zealously overt back- 1ook, ethnicity and physical friendship with Enoch that he slider to the Soyagen-sipping, attraction? A11 of these are simply invit.ed his friend Lo ultra-closeted arch-conserva- vital- facets of a prized re- his home to stay. (Gen 5:24) tive. There's a niche just for lationship. What a glorious example of you in Kinship. friendship. What rich lessons A11ow your love to un- in t.he story for us ! When you were first in- troduced to the beauty of Vol. 18, No. 5, May/June, 1994 'Jesus Christ, you probably did -J5SM6MIWAIlIY2F0l,Sar.SrlI0E11!i I l,tntrc,&t al qliI tcif,reuy, 7H9*.1rd^g-r9Q.f*fi -JS7.M81J2TU9L3WYlaoTlt5FrS-8S12f3' 't-qollf hunLor +L=s Sunt!, i .; rrxplsal0l $'t2n123 1t'a 15 18 t7 t8i dla 15 !6 17 t6 19 20 ' ilg.Hht ltetsh'P 2.,621,5' 4,2321?5fr27 ?6n?62,O31 2028s3r ht*'*c8l<3Yl'r*rOf4al ${,.;s,F\\ t m'Reqdvl I flt) *t4 e Euuv glRrcHrRo ts islBitv<s Ki,tsh o ;r.1\"^rl il ;s ,tl.tL'tt O*\"r rouY 6o,to Votti. l8 R^^?ni.rr,*t 'l;7-;:;;729!: (4gYCtRA.Hrocsr,p]falieo_r1 tb l4u,fhtJtryt? K;ffi/ ,a,^L, VU*EER. I r dute Toc J is rh/u*zl /'.fl;U4 -2fatsy'i9optcr'o/. .t ldb/ ltlc.lil: o *--qA'nL ,*r ilmr Nroe{. iSr ah il l0utu N€lEll , Qeafr-rrlctti1 vEostlfTlP ry,hnrff€ E!l!. tt..!!t_tF,t:dt ldaT*aePon, w a';,iixe 9ffi\"#2 aAjfl6ffIir[?trBfr'?s,tirlilEil\"E Curr?! at(*r.t.\\ lZl kuLKu,'k Aoi.'-a-/f.tGt#8f;,tr V/€ 6'€oRJ UF the err ! ?r- T( it.\".'' *\\cu? Krn$rp rg ot no^.*R^dLMLoc'.l vt/ho eOEEt Bor.ls n€ed., (ie ,.,lro1 ,rl fimec Lovi] , :('i,st^i7. $;.l1 ! nltqqvrlurng !) qle,s;.^ Yry rls?,,es Bh-q.L bccti^t.6Q ttea: q&,lohl^\"r,..e.,., Pffi',iffiot'llH'F\"pu t T.rl.*!Il1tlailBlo\"t W,,ffiflrnaf,r\", o.l, Ae;F^\"eifu r&1luirqrnr^ .a&v Pasttr0e- frg il:tr,tTl,;* :dc,lt GOD ',-li h1lrtl,LIU. O,ni.Mta.r,e-' I D./!,D4IA:A)!: =*--)z1f)rqFC,rzda'U:..#ail'lrs , H flbnrnrb . taet*<'ral$ar,i0aU'a sr SNtAo':l Vt**#d,ll j!.-, r'tl niver be ftrrtD)olta\\uto',f..rt\\r.n'a.a*r-aql.Jir.'- ,N.yf#* caNnDe ! W T dffifr{Huthc sqtnc... ilnlrytrtr/r nryrdfi ?t wv qWAheNr:fclASGO dI slnce KtNSHtP 20th. Anniversary Year May L996 . ConnecLion 19

Leltcrr Edirori Corner (yes, the current one) ro rhe Ediror This month we celebrate and pay tribute to Lhose Kinship Dear Editor: folk of the past whose efforts have graced this publication. I just put down your lat- As I looked through the o1d issues of the CONNECTION in its various forms, I was introduced to many wonderful people I est issue of the Kinship News- had never meL. Many of these people have been lost t.o AIDS, letter, April 1982. I have many of the names I recognized from the Kinship AIDS qui1t. never been more proud to be The more I am involved with Kinship, the more I am impressed affiliated with a gay news- with the people that work for the organization. letter. f was amazed at how much both the organization tras pro- It contained articl-es gressed since it was formed. Although it may not be apparent that showed depth and thought- from the particular articles chosen for this issue the fu1 consideration. organization's confidence has grown considerably. It has sur- vived controversies from alcohol to Cook, and won a major A11 f wanted to say is lawsuit. \"God Bless you.\" Thanks for the insight. I offer my humble and deep respect for those that have gone before me. Robert l-nctr-anapol.r-s, l-N WaIt Elias, June 24, 1996 Dear Editor: for the printer. It was a good I came across t.he f o1- I just finished reading idea, well executed. Our lowing \"scratch 'n Sniff\" ad- thanks to the three of you. vertisemenL in the July '84 the latest issue of the Kin- (Vol. 7, No. 7 ) issue of the ship newsletter and f l-ike it BB] CONNECTION when ,J. Vicki very much. I had to wriLe and Shelton was editor. What a cong:ratulate you on what you Vof . 5, No. 4, May, 1-982 lot. of work to stick all those did with this issue. Devoting \"scratch 'n Sniff\" labels in the entire issue to gays and ACADE!{Y SfiJDEIIT all those CONNECTIONS. And the Holocaust was an inspira- IIEARS ABOUT INFORUATION y€s, my f riends, it st.ill tion. This is someLhing ev- smells like pine when you erybody - gay and non gay - PACKETS DI'RING SERMON scratch it. W. Elias should read. This is one of the best issues I've read. I'm a member of Kinship ffi\"ffiffi Keep up the great work; we and I attend [an Adventist] in'Coloiado;iwith; !f!-,':,, need more material like this Academy. I thought the Kin- for gay awareness. ship folk would like to know cent.viiws of ,tlt-e Rockiesr, 1, what is becoming of the in- all around, Kinship had a Phil formation packets they have Winter Haven, FL sent out to the acad.emies. campmeeting.Wonderful', lEditor's Note: A11 plau- WeII, today f was sit- times and the smell of dits for the April issue of ting in church when I heard the newsletter, and there were the pastor say that he had pine became the order oif ,., many, be1 ong to Vern received a packet of informa- Schlenker, SDA Kinship presi- tion from Kinship. Boy, did I everyday.r,. . dent; Jym Stuart, SDA Kinship sit up and take notice I He proceded to explain what Kin- Corwnunity Service Coordinator ; ship is. and Craig Roberts, one of the MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC :, j.ri : :ji, unsung and hard working he- roes of this organization. Ka.mpmeetingr 1995 KAMPMEETING.]84 Vern called me up and We want a CHOIR this year Cbme'experience the joVr. suggested the idea of a the- in Toronto. If you are in- matic issue. He and Crai-g then tereEted, in participat- put the newsletLer together ing, please contact, aIesse and .Tym provided his computer ar 213-655-8288 to 1ay it out and get it ready 20 Connection . May 1996 20th. Anniversary Year

Kinship Operating Account Statement Fund Name Beginning lncome Transfers 0 8,951.75 General Fund o4/o1/96 Program Funds 6,270.32 4,111.44 (1,46't.35) 31.34 Connection Kampmeeting 96 323.75 834.00 (876.e0) 0.00 280.85 Kmtg 96 Scholorships (3,081.31) 7,140.00 (5,035.67) (336.98) 640.00 Project Funds 840.70 575.00 (186.00) (320.00) 909.70 Advertising: General Advertising: Women's 1 18.12 0.00 71.25 0.00 189.37 Clergy Packet 96 26.74 0.00 0.00 0.00 ?6.74 0.00 0.00 0.00 HIV / AIDS Support (42t.Bs) 600.00 0.00 0.00 (421.8s) 0.00 0.00 (320.00) Womyn's Newsletter 2,339.67 2,938.67 1,408.45 1,088.45 Regional Funds 01-North Atlantic 145.72 0.00 0.00 0.00 145.7? 02-Mid Atlantic 72.29 0.00 0.00 0.00 72.29 03-South Atlantic 0.00 0.00 0.00 O4-Great Lakes r 97.50 0.00 0.00 0.00 197.50 0S-Great Plains s0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 s0.00 06-Rocky Mountain 0.00 0.00 0.00 07-Pacific Northwest 230.97 0.00 (137.90) 0.00 ?30.97 08-Central Pacific 163.87 190.00 (21s.04) 0.00 153.87 O9-Southwest US 649.s0 (1,413.19) 0.00 (88.37) 49.53 otals 230.83 ?05.79 1,038.95 275.26 $ 1 0,003.25 $14,099.94 ($9,2s4.80) $31.34 $14,879.73 Kinship Endowment Account Statement Beginning /Transfers End Restricted lnvestments 04/01/96 Disbursed 06/30/9 Asset Allocation 2,499.43 697.68 (?,897.76\\ 0.00 309.3s Bank America Savings 15,886.65 0.00 770.4? 0.00 I6,657.07 Fidelity Brokerage 9.72 0.00 0.00 0.00 2,887.76 0.00 2,897.48 Deposits 9,39't.30 0.00 86.00 0.00 9,477.30 Treasury Bills 4,991.50 0.00 4,991.50 Treasury Notes 34,332.70 otal $32,768.88 $707.40 $856.42 $0.00 Notes: l. (Brackets) denote a subtracted amount or negative balance. 2. The $71.?5 in advertizing is a returned check from the Andrews student paper. 3. This report shows 3 months worth of data due to the Connection printing schedule.