SDA Kinship - CONNECTION - February 1993

A Community Newsletter for Seventh-day Adventist Kinship Intornational 0uttle\ffiru February L993, Vol. 17 No. 2 joining the hotline on Monday night is John Daaid Rodgers*Sam*. John, who has a Masters in Social Workdegree, is also Region 1 coordinator. John replaces WHO ARE ALL THESE CALLERS, AND WHY DOLee Stanford*, one of the original volunteers. Lee has THEY KEEP CALLINC US?retired from his job, sold his house, and is moving toCalifornia with his lover David. The hotline was originally designed for cam- pus outreach, so college students would have a num- Katie Gurian* joins the hotline team for ber they could call confidentially and talk with some-Thursday nights. She has a Masters in Social Work, one about Kinship or their own homosexuality. As word spread about Kinship and the phone iine, otherand is a regular contributor to the Connection. Katie people have called to establish contact with Kinship'replaces Sherri Babcock, who asked for a leave ofabsence through April, while she completes a build- The phone line averages 200-250 calls pering project at work. Sherri is also a charter volunteer. month. The majority of these are hang-up or prank messages. Kinship has taken steps to trace the prank Floyd Poenitz is taking the calls on Friday phone calls. About 30 callers per month actually talk to a volunteer.night. He has been a substitute volunteer for twoyears. Floyd takes the place of David Bayless, who Many of the callers are repeat callers; somewas also an original hotline volunteer. David people who are going through their personal accep- tance process call as they take steps dealing with theirrequested a break from the hotline after he changed gay identity. Other callers are straight, but want tojob.locations and started other personal projects. know more about the organization. Students work- ing on term papers also use the phone line as a refer- Continuing on Tuesday nights are Nikki ence.Poulissin* and Lisa Farr. On Wednesday nights, Rick At least nine people who were atWhite and Wes Perry take the calls. Kampmeeting this past summer first contacted Substitute volunteers now include Jon & Kinship through the hotline. For many of them, the hotline served as their sole contact with the gay andRandy Bobst-McKay, and Darin Olson. Iesbian community until Kampmeeting. These volunteers take calls 6 - 9 p.m. David See HoruNe, page 3Rodgers, the hotline coordinator takes the calls afterthat time, and other hours when he's home. Volunteers on the phone line must haveattended at least one Kampmeeting, so they are famil-iar with the organization. They also need to havetaken a \"listening skills\" workshop. These areoffered by many volunteer organizations. If you would like to be a hotline volunteer,please contact David Rodgers at 1-800-4-CAY-SDA.

Sglen!!-day Adventist Kins OUTruEACH A Monthly Newsletter For Tne CotwecfloN ts coMtNG our oF THE cLosETThE Kinship Fa,rniflz of Cay'ana lesbianSeventh-day Adventists and Our Friends aon:nectlhtl StW r inship's mission statement includes outreach to and educa- : ion of the church on matters relating to homosexuality. The Connection has long been used as an important part of that Editor RandyBobctrM(Ka), ducation. lt has been sent to many influential church mem- NewsEdilor iittie,snuma*on, bers for years. We'd like your help to expand our church Copy Editor .Ioh Eobbt.M.Kay , mailing list. Send the names, addresses, and titles ofDistribution Managers John.Wieland ventist clergy and staff who should be made aware of our Mike McLaughlin xistence to: Kihs,hip,,B:yoard OUTneacn Names, care of the Connection ::::'::: I.,ieBident parnRobei*,. Post Office Box 14951 Santa Rosa Catifornia 95402 ', Vice Pieildent II t: l Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Alos Aros Atos Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Alos , , Sqgrera5y fi{i ke Me'[au g$i n: !:::.l Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros , , ,,Tieaturer rrarneft She*otl.,, Aros Aros Alos Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Connection Editor Bin:af\"stbi Public Relations Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Atos Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Church Liaison : Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Alos Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Wotnetr's Coordinator nanay Ar-rbst'McKallftegional Cooidina{ion Atos Aros Aros Aros Aros Alos Aros Sherri Babtock Womeals Newslerter Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Rnn Lawmn ,Member-At'LargC Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Member.At:Large Vanessa Uatttrai MembellAfLarge Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Alos Aros Membet-At-Large FlbrdPoenitz: , , Atos Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros lackie Summ-rion Ed,'s Notes: Atos Aros Aros Alos Aros Aros Aros MargeDoyli, ,, , Atos Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros Aros tr(atie Curi,n* , Aros Aros Aros Alos Aros Aros Aros Bob Lee Malcus Stringer . Itan dy Bohst-McKay; Ediior Atos Aros Aros Aros Aros Alos Aros P.O. Box I4q5l AIDS: Sometimes it seems like that's allwe ever hear about in the gay commu- Santa Rosa, CA S5402 nity. And it's raryly very happy news, either.... San Francisco just mourned i'l7 0:7t 57] 4:ss7 naX,, zort wrr!1iNn their 10,00Oth AIDS death by flying flags at half-mast. ln this country, 44.hol medical doctors don't think it is unethidal to withhold treatment from-someone f who has AIDS. But there's another side to the coin-another picture to be yjoieyy! vTeh!eAppeircstounrealolfiv{erisenthdsatahnadvleovbeeresn, SDA Kinship lntemafional, lnc. of hope and courage and love and even Box 3840, Lo> Angeles, CA 90078 touched and changed by finding them- selves struck with AIDS or HIV and the lives changed by loving dnd caring for a \2131.876-2tt76; mO (SOqt 52$0202Campre Outreach Hotline 3004-CAY-SDA / \ I r- r (-1 member with AIDS. A picture painted by the Kinship mehbers )[??r[3:Y l'dl,0,5li]Y\"qfrldwide O Coplright l99B sDA Kishi p. SDA Kihship ie r or fomet Seventfi-day suppd group fm wmtAdv@tisi Ray mfl rnd l6bi.N ed thei, hi6di Kinshipdlsop.ovides educ.tjon.l matqidc ind s?eake6 for individudls rn.I uftlsbdinS of and rel*eSdroiuopes ,desainridnBguB-b'cli4slhnB hoeo*nrU ty in?ir+ the tDA Kirehjp C6tr.f,{,tsutional md infmional jdiml lor its mmbm md frimds Ttemtrxriptio rere is S-25 po yeu U.S, $15 fc additional subvrip-tims. Add Sl, forsubsiptioreoutride Nonh America- The Love Hope Love Hope Love HopE Love HopE Love Hope Love Hope Love HopeCmmfiar is publishrd 10 tio6 mually. Love Hope Love Hope Love Hope Love HopE Love Hope Love Hope Love Hope . Silbmision of lelks, arti(l6.pi(tus. ad ild othEruqials m encorq ged- lncl x ;reo wat it.m.be ed a (ontait phone ude iiriu name posible. Som M'nthLove Hope: 1';... i..i, ,,.,, . ,, C.ming NeXt . i: t ,i .:.i:: , : :,,:, LoVE HopEpublished numba whcnCwrtm orhibutds h;ve (htE:in io i@in m)moueAildres all sbmisi6ns b liii fo;trrfion R ndy S;sl-M<Kry,Edib, P.O. Box t495L Sil{a RH, CA 9s4di., or <dt (7yil 57q4557. l-Pt: :!:y: , LOVE Thb apperaNe uf irah6; orgeiati@s, qphG , .:: Ai.1.V,:.e. r:{y Sr:fp,.e.:c.1i:ar-ll Cf,,on1n1ei-ict:i.o.:n..t:,Qi.:.u..ai.r:te.r..l.lii i.:,. .!. Love Hopelographs of pffiN shbuld notb€ @nrkued as m HOpE: HOpE*eal orkrtrti.otr ol [he pwn umed orshoh. irditltion qf the LOVE Opqr-ffierprqsed hrein ar i not nqcesrily th* of SDA KirshipInl@ti@el, ln.. nn b+ the FD A K in ship C dm rcti u or ii sul t. ' ,\" :lL:OyV:E mHO:P:E. .' Subeaiption requeeea addres <Iringe sforrfa f\" :.. :,, .. with :iG...u..eis..t...E.. dti:tbl,,B-o.:b. .::L€e...1.......:1.'; ;, ;;'1: Love Hopemade direcdy throgh SDA ;,qm78. The KiiLhip miling Kinship; Bor 38,t0..t6 AnSeld, CA :... .,. ..,: LOVE HOPE u*a mfy Uy Love Hope l,.rur .,,r\"r LovE nopE LovE nopE LOVI r'ropE LovE rlopE Love Hope tisl is mfidffitil uaKirehip o{ficm The miling tist is rct sold, rened. oi mhanledlorany.pu?*. Love Hope Love Hope Love Hope Love Hope LovE Hope Love HopE Love Hope Tlie Cnn.cfiofl is e m6te oi the Cay L6biePres A6kiarion. 'Psrudonlm6, whw us{r, ee 'd indiBFd. S.D.A. Kinship CoNNECTIoN

HorttNE, continued from page 1 and how much they tell about themselves. Many times, the hotline volunteer is the first Hotline volunteers report they can usuallyquickly spot the prank callers. ,,Usually in the first gay or lesbian that the caller has knowingly talked to. For the first time, they are able to ask questionscouple of minutes, I can tell if the caller is genuine,,, they've never been able to discuss with anyonereports Nikki Poulissin*, one of the regular volun-teers. \"Real\" callers are usually nervous, and they before.want to know about the organization. \"l've ah4,ays wished I could be in the audi- ence of Ceraldo or Donahue when they talk to gays,\" Prank callers, on the other hand, jr*p quick- said one straight female caller from Oakwood College. \"l have so many questions I'd like to ask,ly into talking about sex or their personal life. They but I never had a chance before.\" We talked for quite a while.make claims, such as something recently happened Many callers never leave their name orthat made them gay, or they recently broke up with address. One caller, a sfudent body officer at one of the more conservative Adventist colleges, was audi-their lover, and want to know what to do. Animals bly nervous on the phone. He was in his student association office, so he could talk in private. Weare the topic of other pranksters. When the hotline talked for about an hour before he had to leave to get back to the dorm for curfew. The next night hevolunteer asks a question or two, their stories quick-ly break down, and they hang up. called again. We talked about 21/zhours that night, Some calls that start out as pranks can be and he was much more relaxed. He knows how toturned around into learning experiences for the contact us again when he is ready to deal with this issue.caller. We talk about what it's like to be gay or les- Some Callerso,just need someone they can talkbian, and how people react when they find out about to anonymously,,,,,Gne woman was considering leav-someone. We talk about their own personal reac- iLtg\"her husband;::fgr another:;woruhn. ;.r$he knew their ,,m5.riige was oven but she Oianrt tnow how hertions to other students who are gay or lesbian. Husband #ould react, or the;,church. We talkedIt's not unusual for a group of students to ,call, especially on Friday nights. Homosexuality and aboUt her,,options, and some of the steps she coula:..: take. MoStly;,:though, it was just listening, and:let-the Bible is a big topic, and we go through the differ- ting her think out loud. She was able to come up with a plan that she felt would work.ent Bible texts. We talk about how gays and lesbians Denominational employees are anotherafe,r,treated on their campus, and what they wo.u:ld group of callers who are nervous and are cautious about giving personal information. Until we canrmd...au t th eir ro omfliote, tiei, establish some trust, they are, as a group, very care-waSrgaI. fuI. It is usually comforting to these callers to knowaa...ir 1r,\"y uro ,nisid, they are not the only gay or lesbian working for the,O,r,.,Parent :.:,., church. ,,,r,,:, : :::::: ,,,,,,,,,, Each call is different and has to be treatedFamily and friendS,,:of ga,ys and.Iesbian; will individually. Volunteers have to be flexible, calm, and able to quickly establish a feeling of tmst withcall, just to'learn,,,fibrn:,an other peispective what it,s the caller. Sometimes we don't know if we've made a difference. Kampmeeting is a rewarding time,like to be gay or lesbian. ,sometimes they have ques- when volunteers finally get to meet the people we've been talking to on the phone. We learn then that thetions they don't feel comfortable asking someone time we spent on the phone many months or yearsthey know. The anonymity of the hotline facilitates ago really did make a difference in someone's life. Vtheir learning. Dauirl Rodgers* has been Canrpus Outrench €s HotlineParents will call, often with questions about Coordhmtor for seaeral years. Shtce he has uery little of his own money to spend, he rnnkes n liuittg exerting cort-homosexuality and the Bible. They are concerned trol oaer other people's finnnces.about what they read in the Bible, and need to talkout some of their concerns.A lot of callers, especially students atAdventist colleges, have never told anyone they aregay or lesbian. The hotline cail represents a majorstep in their coming out process. It is not unusualfor these callers to call several times, just to listen tothe answering machine message, or the voice of agay person, and then hang up. Finally they get thecourage to say something, and we start a dialogue. For these callers, it's important to establishtrust. I let them know it's OK to be nervous, and tojust take a couple of deep breaths to relax. I also tellthem \"lf I ask you something you feel uncomfortableanswering, don't feel you have to answer.\" Theyneed to feel they have control of the conversation,Iournal February 1993

My StoryT'his page is a running feature that brings the experiencesof rnembers as they deal with coming out and the SDAChurch. was eleven years old and snuggling with my two I prayed morning and night. When I trav- childhood girlfriends during one of our eled through Europe for three weeks at the end of overnighters when my mother burst through my student teaching, my only book was my Bible. I con-bedroom door and exclaimed, \"l know what you tinued to pray and ask for guidance and assistance,girls have been doing and you better stop right now but instead of leading me away, I found myself faceor you will all go straight to hell!\" She exhorted for to face with yet another lesbian in my travels.several minutes about the abomination of homosex-uality as I tried to understand exactly what the accu- Upon returning to the United States, thinkingsations meant. At some point I realized what con- that I was now thousands of miles away from \"temp-duct she was referring to and the source of her infor- tation,\" I obtained my first teaching position in amation-my diary. Following this blatant violation small mining town in Nevada. The town was soof my private thoughts and my mother's blistering small that the paved road ended at the town's edge, the doctor flew in twice a week and the nearestcondemnations, I spent the next eleven years bank, high school, and movie theatre were sixty mileattempting to reprogram and direct my interest away. There I met yet another lesbian. I was replac- ing here as the second grade teacher, and she wastowards boys through prayer, dreams and other psy- going to teach the newly created sixth and seventh grade combination class. Mere coincidence could nochological tricks. longer explain these meetings, and I finally was led Although my mother EJrew up in a Seventh- to confront my sexuality and begin the even harder task of reconciling it with my faith.day Adventist home, attended academy and threeyears at Union College, she married a non-Adventist After many years of struggling with myself,and I was not formally introduced to Adventism my family, and my faith, I now can chuckle and sumuntil I was a teenager. However, it wasn't until my up my experience by describing myself as a \"Bornlast year of college and two days before I left the Again Lesbian.\"United States to sfudent teach overseas in Wales, (*that I was baptized at an SDA Church and made arr \"We haae just enough religion to mnke us hnte, but notunconditional commitment to turn my life over to enough to make us loae one afiother.\"Christ. I was convinced that once I had done this,Christ would remove all my homosexual feelings. -Szoift But instead of wiping away my homosexuali- S.D.A. Kinship coNNECTIONty, Christ led me on my journey to accept my sexualorientation. Even though all during high school andcollege I was active in sports and in contact with les-bians, never once was I confronted with my sexuali-ty. But after spending only a few weeks with myhost family in wales, the forty year old wife andmother confided to me that she was a lesbian and Iimmediately went into a tailspin.

I don't find February to be a month for Katie Gurian*Valentines. The days are short, the weather is drea-ry, my hormones have frozen, I have sunlight affec- FERRUAT<Y lNSPIRATIONtive disorder, and I understand why we connect win-ter romance with someone who was martyred. Even Los Angeles. David spent one whole afternoon andwhen I am head-over-heals in love, February 14 evening walking me through the woods as I rantedshould be reserved for some kind of medieval about a homophobic church and wondered how mypenance. St. Valentine must have been a remarkable rage and frustration would affect my relationshipperson but I would rather have another role n-rodel with Cod. One of the initial benefits he got for hisfor my heart palpitations. April, I'm romantic; kindness was being drenched in a thunder-filledFebruary I'm depressed. I'm grateful I have to go to downpour a mile from his car.the Kinship board meeting. At least I can bedepressed by the ocean with some wonderful peo- Bernie was a welcoming committee when Iple....who turned out to be the inspiration for this got to the Kampground and wandered aroundmonth. Despite my general lack of romance, I am thinking I didn't know anyone. Marge wrapped mehaving great appreciation for the Kinship relation- in her arms when I couldn't quit crying over someships in my life. relational woes. Bob shared tears over the beauty of the singing by Bernie's family during the Sabbath Thanks to Terry for chairing our local chapter service. Pam and Mike asked me to serve on thefor a while. Because he had an open house, I got to Board because and not despite the fact I am a reli-meet the people who eventually got me to gious fanatic. Sally and Dolores are remarkable hik-Kampmeeting. B. and E. spent a chunk of their time ing companions and Kampmates. Randy and Jon\"community organizing\" to pull together a variety of have been great supports getting out this newsletterpeople who might not normally get to meet each (aren't they doing an incredible job?ll). Terre stays inother. Ron sent me \"lecture unheard\" (opposed to contact so I remember where Albuquerque and whatsight unseen), as a speaker so I could afford to get to two-stepping is., oocD ?nctAt... Like the writer says in Hebrews, slightly paraphrased, I could EIo on and on about the special Adl &e and remarkable people I have met in this communi- ty. Who here has touched your life? Would you beGimme That Old Time-Religion willing to write and let us know about them? V While none of us would consciously choose career/ work on that degree, start new relationships.to be infected with the HIV virus, there are some People are often whisked away from lifepositive aspects to the disease. One of these is time. without warning. I feel I have an advantage by After dealing with the initial trauma of real- being notified early.izing that we have a probably-terminal disease, andaccepting that situation as fact, most of us realize I will not off up a prayer of gratitude forthat we will probably not die later today. Most of us being one of those selected to host the virus. But Ilearn of our infection while there is still time. Many am thankful that I have time to do some of theof us continue full-time jobs, go ahead with ourplans to build our dream-house, embark on a new things I've always wanted to do, time to make new friendships and cement or patch up old ones, time to eminder: The Kinshlp reflect on the meaning or meaninglessness of life.lournal February 1993 While I must wake up and smell the coffee, I still have time to smell the flowers. V .

Regional &gional eventsCoordinators The Regional Coordinator for Your REGION 1:region can provide information on local -Held a potluck Jan. 16. events or chapters. REGION 2: Region 1 REGION 3: fohh sam* tzisl eib;ozia, REGION 4: -Chapter forming in St. Louis, MO. 2Re$ion IHeidi Johnson (sOi) e+ol2ss RECION 5: REGION 6: Sandy Mann (404i 633-8447 REGION 7: -Met Jan. 23rd in Portland for potluck and rollerskating' He$ion 4, -Meeting Feb. 13 in Portland. l -Meeting Feb.27 in Seattle. Darin Oison t$iz)44!4.6842 REGION 8: 1 -Meeting Feb.6 in Santa Rosa. Hegion S REGION 9: -There were 25 members for tl-re Dec. 12 Christmas party of Bible Floyd Poenitz (ztu$ 7iVrL797 verses and Carols in L.A. Region 6 -Meeting Feb. 19-21 in L.A. Region 7 Poem To A ParentKip Beardsley t5o:l zs5-gof6 Now that you know Unkrtoun IRegion Are you able to see That I am the same person I gave you the run-aroundDavid Lemon QAgl +77aY9a It's still the same me. And told many lies That made it difficult Region 9 To look in your eyes. Bruce Boyd (818) 708-7'f48 Region 10 I hated the hiding You may not be huppy So you had to know With my kind of life, ,,, , ,Canadh (416)96:1.4243 : And risk that you wouldn't You pictured me married 51i4945060 Australia Decide to let go. With kids and a wife. Now that you know But with your eyes open I can break down the wall I hope that you'llsee That made me so nervous That what seems so foreign Whenever you'd call. Is so natural to me. You'd start asking questions Now that you know Of where I was going Are you able to see I'd make up a story That I am the same person To keep you from knowing. It's still the same me.t,-o)- Printed on tecycled paper.