SDA Kinship - CONNECTION - November/December 1998

November/December 1998 Vol.22, lUo. I ffiffiMWffiry\\ffiN Hope in the Season

SDA KINSHIP Who ure ore... INTERNATIONAL, tNC. Seventh-dayAdventist Kirship International, Inc. is a support group which ministers to the KINSHIP EOARD I spiritual, emotional, social, and p$sical well being of Seventh-dayAdventist lesbians, gay men, bisexra.ls, and their families and friends. President: Darin 0lson Vice President: Yolanda Elliott SDA Kinship facilitates and promotes the understanding and affirmation of Secretary: Charles Shobe homosexual and bisexual Adventists among themselves and within the Seventh-day Treasurer: M ike l\\4cLaughlin Adventist communiry through educafion, advocacy, and reconciliation. Connection Editor: Ben Kemena Public Relations: lohn Edwards Founded n 1976, the nonprofit organization was iacorporated in 1981 and has a board of Church Liaison: Donald Freeman Womyn s Coordinator: lacquie Summerton 15 officers and 10 regional coordinators. The current [st of members and friends includes Kamp'99 Coordinator: Jim Chilson well over a thousand people in 16 countries. MEMBERS-AT-LARGE SDA Kinship believes the Bible does not condemn, or even mention, homosexu- aliry as a sexuai orientation. Ellen G. White does not parallel any of the Bible texts, Members-at-Large: Marge Doyle, Greg Cox, Larry which are often used to condemn homosexuals. Most of the anguish imposed upon Whitford, [ee Stover God's children who grow up gay or lesbian has its roots in a misunderstanding of Campus Coordinator: Greg Cox what the Bible says. M em ber Wellness: Larry W hitford Kinship operates solely on contributions from its members and friends. SUPPORT STAFF I SDA Kinship supports the advancement of human rights for all people. 0ffice Support: Hal Jobe Suppon Kiruhlp lnformational Services: John W ieland Kinship depends on you. Kins[rip is supported solely by conffibutions. Heip us CONNECTION STAFF I reach out to more gay Adventists by making a tax-deductible donation to SDA Kinship International. Please send your check or money order to the address below. C0ntributors: Bryan Dyson, Charles Jennens, Kelvin SDA Kinship, P.O. Box 7320,Lagrna Niguel, CA.92607, (9+9) 248-1299. Johnson, Brent lehmann,0arin 0lson, Ronald Peyton, Catherifle Taylor, Rom ilda W ilder Ben Kemena, Iditor, Walt EIias, Layout INTORMATION I Region 1 3Region Region 7 ObedVasquez (401) 521-9319 Brian Costa (503) 292-5098 lhe Connection is publlshed 6 times a year by Seventh-day Sandy Mann (404) 633-8447 Adventist Kinship lnternational, Inc. Principal office: P0. Box Region 2 Region 8 7320, Laguna Niguel, CA 92607; (949) 248-1299. U.S, Yolanda Elliott (41 0) 531 -5382 Region 4 Roland Anderson (209) 339-81 1 3 Subscriptions are S25 for bimonthly issues, and $1 5 tor Bruce Harlow (i73) 338-2389 additional subscriptions. Foreign subscriptions are $40. Region 9 Region 5 and KinNet Lee Stover (949) 248-1299 Submissions of letters, articles, pictures. art, and graphics are Floyd Poeniu (214) 416-1358 welcome. Include your name as you want it publlshed, address, Region l0 (Kinship Canada) and telephone number. lf an item is to be acknowledged or Region 5 returned, please include a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Ben K. (303) 321-5331 Brent Lehmann (604) 469-6975 Some Conrection contributors have chosen to remain anonymous. Pseudonyms from this issue appear at the bottom Region 13 (Kinship Germany) of this page. The Connection reserues the right to edit [email protected] manuscripts for length, syntax, grammar, and clarity. Address all submissions to the Connection, P0. Box 7320, Laguna Niguel. n;#.; CA 92607. lnquiries and article submissions may also be e-mailed to [email protected] Visit our Web Site: lhe mention or appearance of any names, organizations, or http://wwwsdakinsh ip.org/ photographs in this publication is not meant to imply a fact or statement about their sexual orientation or activity. Pseudonyms:,Walt Elias, Donald Freeman, lee Stovet and possibly others Subscription requests or address changes must be sent to Subscriptions, P0. Box 7320, Laguna Niguel, CA 92607, (949) 248-1 299. the Kinship mailing list is confldential and used onty by Kinshlp officers. The mailinq list is not sold, rented, or exchanged for any purpose. @1998 Connection.All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. 0PlNl0NS 0tEXPRESSED HEREIN are N0T NECESSARILY THOSE SDA KINSHIP lVember 0f the Gay and Lesbian Press Association. Printed in the U.S.0n 100% recyclable paper Please contribute articlesl

BY BRrAN DYSON (CEO OF COCA-COLA) tu SHARED BY BRENT LEHMANN Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them - work, in the air. family, hYeoaultwh,ilflriseonodns,usnpdierritst-andantdhaytowu'orerkkeiseapirnugbbaellrobf athlle.sIef you drop it, it will bounce back. But the obethierrrefvooucrabbalyllssc-ufffeadm, imlya, rhkeeadl,thn,icfrkieedn,dsd,aamnadgesdpoirrietven made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will shattered. They will never be the same. You musr understand that and strive for balance in your life. How? Don't determine your worth by comparing yourself to others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for with- out them, life is meaningless. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you will live ALL the days of your life. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trFlng. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is the fragile thread that binds each of us together. Don't be afraid to encounter risls. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find the time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tighdy; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings. Dont run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going. Dont forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry. Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. And life is not a race) but a journey to be savored each step of the way. From Kinship and the Connection Staff Darin Olson You make this organization what it isl We appreciate your generous support and commitment to Kin- ship. And, we hope to see you at Kampmeeting! - Best wishes during this holiday season and the coming new year 1999. Love and hugs to all of you. Take care and stay safe. .Connection NovemberiDecember 1 998

Jerusalem Revisited BY KELVIN JOHNSON The Savior issues \"Look upon Zion, the city of our appointed feasts,' trampled, and fought-over place. \\\\ e descended your eyes shall see Jerusalem an undisturbed habitation, the steps into the nave and found a group of many kinds of a tent which shall not be folded...\" Isaiah 33:20 invitations. French-speakers singing hianns. rraiting their abbath before last, after a long week of rurns to kiss the spot of Christ's nativitr'. It felt travel and worlq I returned to Jerusalem. I unreal as holiness seemed to have qiven rvay to all did not walk in, at least not into the new the traffic in such a revered and hallowed site. pan, I drove. Imagine driving where Jesus met the disciples, where Abraham knew Isaac, and where I thought of the garden u.here -Jesus pled with Elijah and David toiled. Who would have thought Our Father to \"let this cup pass. but nevertheless it could be? Thy will be done.\" I imagrned a real garden with It was Sabbath when I first sawJerusalem from the taxi my coworkers and I had hired. We flowers, benches, lawns, rvell-kept uees and shrubs approached on t}re highway from the norrhwest, climbing up into hillyJudea from the plain of - someplace for the disciples to tall peacefully Samaria. I had always pictured this city in setring similar to Los Angeles -- where I first listened to \"The reality of God in the Bible stories from my grandparents. I imagined David and Jonathon spending time not truly found in the together in lush green fields with a flock of sheep near a babbling brook. Cool breezes whispered things of this earth\" love and security in the land of milk and honey. Happy children of Israel dwelt in tents pitched in asleep while their Master agonized. What I found green valleys dotted wit}r flowers overseen by clear skies. All I saw now were barren rocky slopes was a small fenced area around eight old, gnarly being cleared for more of the stone colored apartrnent complexes. Even the Mount of Olives olive trees and a fanry old church full of the was built up like any other crowded city, only with hdeovlionteesds.anEdvecnuraiosutshe- but rvith litde sense of \"411 I saw now were bar- rvas being said, I felt mass ren rocky slopes\" again that what I had been told happened there most of its slope now being used as a cemetery. now seemed so unreal, so far arvat'- and covered I imagined an ancient donkey ride taking with the ever present dust. Joseph and his very pregnant wife, Mary to And I said to myself, \"isn't *ris supposed to be Bethlehem. There, they only found a manger to serve as a cradle for the King of the lJniverse. a holy land, where holy men once *'alked, where Who knew it was barely a ten minute car ride might acts of God were witnessed. u'here the fromJerusalem today? As we entered the church built over the fabled innocent blood of My Savior u-as shed? Why don't site ofJesus' birth, we found it a musry divided, I feel more of a sense of reverencei \\\\'hy am I not carried away with the realiry of it all - it's not yet?\" even been 2000 years As I sat pondering these thoushts after the driving the 60 kilometers (45 miles) back to the modern, western style hotel in Tel-Aviv on the shores of the eastern Mediterranean Sea, air conditioned cool air blowing over my heated face, it occurred to me that I might alreadv know the answer. And I knew the answer was not found in the place that once was blessed by the footsteps of the Connection . November/December 1998

saints. 'l'he realiry of God in not truly The things I wanted to find, the Mount of Olives, I thought ofJesus and found in the things of this earrh even his disciples climbing this same steep though they may have been used as the qualities I expected to be in these \"holy hill nearly 2000 years ago, when they original state to illustrate the meaning of God. The truths of the Bible do not places,\" are in fact, to be found returned one member fewer. And I lie solely in icons to be kissed, steps ro be retraced, or in some declared sacred anywhere and everywhere. They are found a hope in the promised return of Jesus for those who are of willing hearts. sffeopeuadcneidngoinf-ethaeirssthen.opStlaspcoeirmsitueliaktheliitnytgh-ethsasotouuivslenir the gift of God to, all of us, wherever \"Aerd I saw the holy city, new olive wood carr.ings of the l{ativity we will accepr them. The gift given Jerusalem, coming down out of scenes inscribed, \"Made in the Holy the world in this place called Jerusalem heaven...\" Land,\" or the brass, \"Made in Hong Kong,\" crucifixes. is one that can be found anywhere - Rev 21:2 Y and can be shared by all. This thing, this gift, is love and peace and needs no stone temple. It needs only willing hearts. fu I climbed rhe narrow srreer in the heat of noon towards the top of the I Am Not Alone Love's Whisper Fran De Costa Carvol Grady Painted drearns and rainbow things Why do I like a mournful day I like to look into your eyes, when gray clouds press near the earth, To visually feel your presence near me. hiding the distant blue-sky splendor? You have a way with letdng go and Why do I take a somber pleasure chasing butterflies in the field of in seeing the bright flame of the maples softly muted and blurred by the mist? spring. You listen to me and laugh with me Why does the forlorn cry of the crows or the gende murmur of rain down the spout You whirl me around from fears and draw from me an answering response? walk with me in the darkness of dawn. Sometimes I fall, you pick me up and carry me through open doors. Ready for the journey which lies ahead, Knowingyou'll be beside me I am not alonel Thank you Lord, I hear you calling... Nowyou will come I Do I remember an ancient sorrow, a pain grown familiar through centuries-- the loss of Eden's pure joys? Do I wrap tightly about my heart the haunting beauty, dimmed but not quenched, I that whispers of a Creator's undying love? i l _) Connection . November/December'lggB

Tn* -Rruson for the S.uson CHARLES JENNENS . LIBRETTIST Comfort ye, comfort y\" My People, The Lord, whom ye seek, t saith your God. shall suddenly come to His temple, even the messenger of the Covenant, I Speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem, whom ye delight in; and cry unto he5 that her warfare is accomplished, behold, He shall come, I that her iniquity is pardoned. saith the Lord of Hosts. The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness; ,i prepare yet the way of the Lord; (Malachi 3:l) make straight in the desert a highway for our God. (Isaiah 40:1-3) Every valley shall be exalted But who may abide the day of His coming, and who shall stand when He appeareth? and every mountain and hill made low; For He is like a refiner's fire. the crooked straight and the rough places plain. (Malachi 3:2) (Isaiah 40:4) And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, And He shall purifi, the sons of Levi, and all flesh shall see it together: that they may offer unto the Lord for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it. an offering in righteousness. (Isaiah 40:5) (Malachi 3:3) Thus saith the Lord, the Lord of Hosts: Behold a virgin shall conceive Yet once a litde while and I will shake a bear a Son, the heavens and the earth, and shall call His name Emmanuel, the sea and the dry land. God with us. And I will shake all nadons; and the desire of all nations shall come. (Isaiah 7:14, Matthew l:23) (Haggai2:6-7) O thou that tellest good tidings of Zion, get thee up into the high mountain. O thou that tellest good tidings to Jerusalem, lift up thy voice with strength; life it up, be not afraid; say unto the cities ofJudah, behold your Godl (Isaiah 40:9) Connection . November/December 19gB

the story of the Messiah Arise, shine, for thy Light is come, And Io, the angel of the Lord came upon rhem, and the glory of the Lord and the glory of the Lord shone round about tlem, I is risen upon thee. and they were sore afraid. (Isaiah 60:1) (Luke 2:9) For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people; And the angel said unto them: Fear not, but the Lord shall arise upon thee, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, and His glory shall be seen upon thee. which shall be to all people And the Gentiles shall come to thy light, For unto you is born this day and kings to the brightness of thy rising. in the city of David (Isaiah 60:2*3) a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. The people that walked in darkness (Luke 2:10-11) have seen a great light; and they that dwell in the land And suddenly rhere was with the angel of the shadow of death, a multitude of the heavenly host, upon them hath the light shined. praising God, and saying: (Isaiah 9:2) (Luke 2:13) For unto us a Child is born, Glory to God in the highest, unto us a Son is given, and peace on earth, and the government shall be good will towards men. upon FIis shoulder; and His name shall be called (Luke 2:14) Wonderful, Counselloq the Might God, The Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6) t There were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night. (Luke 2:8) .C0nnecIi0n November/December 1998

rnany Christian institutions continue to dehumantze gays' ThesumofWords A national newspaper ad campaign linked to James Dobson and Gary Bauer's Family Research Council calls on all homosex-uals to \"change\" their by Ben Kemena -sex'ual orientation as a matter of moral concern The articles on national television ads have been arurounced for the these facing pages both respond to the any Americans listened with homor to coming week. These irresponsible ads ignore tragic death of news of the beating, torture, and murder decadei of research and fail to mention the profes- Mathews Shephard of Matthew Shepard, a 2l-Year*old sional positions of the American Psychologrcal freshman at the University of Wyoming at Laramre' Association, the American Psychiatric Asso ci a n o n' Matthew's death is a complex outcome of group *re American Medical fusociation, or *re '\\inenc'r' Bar Association' Undoubtedly, the ht\"steie,cr- : :' - criminal dynamics, gay-bashing, small-town Life, by evangelical Christian grouPs is elttce\" : 'r youth and societal prejudice that has translated into ceniic::t' B:: .amp\"ig\" fund-raising for their lite: \\\\hrl' ie- an act ofviolence and hate. *h\"i rblrt the price of human A court will reflect on the details and issue a nouncing Mamhew's murder. S: Frnulv Research verdict. But in the wake of Matthew's death, Councilitill labels hate-cnn-re protection for gays as thoughdul personal reviews are in order' Detach- an urlnecessary \"special rieht.'' \\\\iil gay dehuman- *\"rrio, silence is no virrue here. Matthew's death ization ever stoPi To g\"y brothers and sisters in counsel, I urge reflects a societal tenor ofcondoned gay derision' you to clnsrder the siren call of gay author Paul Should we care, some of us may have Mamhew''s \"MIon.*.. First, Live well and do not allou'prudence blood on our hands. Should we loolg some of us to drow'n your zest for life. Thke care of one another in a socieqy that still dehumanizes gav people' Hate will see our own reflection in his lifeless eyes' -crimes against gays are on the rise in '\\n'rerica in Some Americans have lobbied to brand, punish, and condemn gay people as a matter of morality and numbers*and iotensity. Second, use vour grief over righteousness, if not vanity. We should not be hate crimes as a sword to fight oppre)sion and surprised when the rhetoric of dehumanization incivility. Matthew's death can never be reconciled, but may his memory include forgtvtn:s: and change contributes to violence, brutality, and death' fu as we labor toward a more inclusir't tolien\" Americans, we continue to purport ourselves to a \"more perfect union.\" Our society took p-ositive ,t\"p, to include women in 1920, people of color in 19i4, and people with disabilities in 1990' But society has not yet included gaYs. \"Detachment or silence is no virtue here. \" The past year has set the stage for arnoral tone that allows violence against gays. Tient Lott, US Senate maiority leader, compared homosexuaLity with socially unacceptable behaviors' Pat Robertson, Christian television personality warned that God would punish Orlando for allowing gay- pride recognition. Ross Perot rescinded domestic p\".m.tthip benefits for gays at his Dallas c:mPany' jr*\"t Dobton's Focus on the Family newsletters this summer urged all Christians to take decisive action against gays. \\44rile all condemn Mathew's .rrr..de.,\"they rimain rigidly tied to their \"moral authoriqy\" and offer litde hope for change'- The National Council of Catholic Bishops retracted its conciliatory letter, \"Nways Our Children,\" a statement to gaJ'c, their parents and families, as being too liberal. The Lambeth Confer- ence of the Anglican @piscopal) community formally conde-mned homosexuality as incompatible with rh; Bible. InJuly, the United Methodist ChurchJudicial Council voted to include antigay o\"ot opbatr.tdofbiytsdSisoccuisaslioPnrinocf igpaleysi'ncAlunsdioPnr,evsobtpeed- poliry A*t, this summer simply not to talk about it' I find that Connectton' November/December 1 ggB

lilyoming }late-Crime, Adventist Silence BY RONALD PEYTON he Adventist News Network (ANIrI), a multi- denial defined that decade. We are still suffering the carqr-over media current events organization and Adventist of its effect on society and churches, seen especially in t}le influence of that generation who continue to hold positions of press release agent, has chosen to make no authority. When some of these \"church leaders\" yearn and pine for the \"good old days\" of so-called \"wholesome living,\" comment concerning the brutal murder of a gay human they actually desire a rerurn to that earlier era ofconrradiction being in Wyoming in October when reporring and and suppression when even words like \"sex\" and \"pregnant\" were frowned upon and avoided. From their vantage point providing cornmentary to its members on news events. -today these leaders see tlris bygone world as easier but they Yet, during the ten days following t}le murdeE ANN has should be askiag whetier that world was really betrer. chosen to report on recent LIS legal referenda on mari- This may explain the Adventist church silence and inability juana - among other matrers. Apparendy, the institu- to discuss the brutal kilting of a gay man in Wyoming. Gays tional while ignoring may exist, but the church does not talk about or acknowledge church has chosen to emphasize one them. The Adventist church ignores and treats gay bigotry the other, as though Matthew Shepard never existed. Perhaps the church feared reporting on such a horrific event without expressing some sorro\\ / and compassion for the \"sinneq\" and doing that might lead some naive, spiritually weak, impressionable souls to confuse compas- sion with acceptance , and thus become gay themselves. \"The church negates its claim to This omission illustrates the incredible depth of darkaess represent Christ\" the institutional church resides in with respect to gays and lesbians. When and if the church gives into pressure to make any public pronouncement, it will be interesting to see how grngerly they dance around this perceived \"moral minefield.\" with silence -chuarncdh contempt. More insidious, by doing so, rhe institutional tacidy justifies its silence as a means Ignoring such an event reveals the importance the of Adventist church ascribes to the value and dignity of -doing its part to keep society free from such vile influences human beings (and if they happen to be gay, they are of or at least to keep gays below the surface and away from the Iitde or no importance). Even the violent and brutal death view where acknowledgment of their very presence would of a human being as a hate crime merits neither notice nor disturb the vision of a pure and wholesome society. And of attention. The church negates its claim to represent Christ course, nottiing can be more wholesome than the church itself whose very goal and mission was to instill within - unstained by such fiIth. This silence also harbors a value people a respect for human beings and taught people to system that suggests that unquestioned tradition is more treat ALL witi dig\"niry and equality as those made in the imponant than courageous critical thinking. Silence suggests image of God. Adventist church silence reveals that it -that good Christians are not supposed to think they are represents some*ring less than Christianity in t}ris regard supposed to obey. - not is it doing the work the church has been called to Unfortunately, a calculated silence is very effective in do, If ani,thing, church silence speaks in direct opposirion spreading hatred. The institutional church may find silence to the work and mission of Christ and serves as an agent of ,iceptable in hopes of returning Adventisrc ,o ,orn\" highly- the very evil and wickedness it claims to be against. These touted \"good old days\" when Adventism was less diverse and are harsh words, but so is silence. less troubled by the legitimate issues of pluralism. We can on-ly The obvious question is: why? I believe much of the hope that few people calling themselves \"good Christians\" will reason lies in the age and mentality of those who still cling to the immaturity -of nostalgia a nostalgia not only content to pine for \"the more,\" but advocate preside over church leadership and operations. These days that are no admirristrarors came of age in the censored era of the 1950,s society's return to a time and value that never was (even if you rvhen women had babies (brought by stork no less), but were white-European, suburban, middle-class, professional, -rvere forbidden to use the word \"pregnant\" on television Christian). Let us hope thar such delusions are never resur- -and when even married couples could only be filrned lying rected and legitimized as \"the moral pathway.\" Matthew in separate t'arin beds. Sex was alright as long as it wasnt Shepard's hate-morivated murder has galvanized the United recognized as existing and part of human practice. We are States. If t}le institutional Adventist church can only ofrer also talking about a generation influenced by McCarthy- silence, then individual Adventists must consider making their teiroanf,ebaar n-ishwmheenret breaking the rules resulted in humilia- own voices heard in a Christian response. V Such dysfunctional societal and ruin. .Connection November/December'l ggB

0h, Tidings of Comfort and Jry BY ROMILDA WILDER Wth the help of my sister Shara, Jamie, Denise, Charlene, Pam and Gretchen (and their boys Riley and Zachary) , and Catherine and my brothen Jim, Laty H., Arlan, David E Michaet, John E, Kelvin, and Floyd ... and couple of siblings who wish t0 remain anonymous (I have a very large 'family'!) , I've assembled this limited list of things whkh give us Comfort and bring us Joy. As this season of \"families\" suddenly surrounds us, please surround younelf with things that give you Comfort and bring you Joy! Hopefully we, your Kinship family, will be one of those things. And maybe some of your other comforting and joyful things will be on this page. Comfort \".. My cat* certain friends* mashed potatoes* reading on the couch on a quiet, cold, sunny day (knowing slmelne loves me* Christmas music* stary skies* chocolate* a full moon* lave from friends and 'fanily' who love me just the way I am* beautiful pletry* my animals* Charlene's courage* friends who know my dark sides, and who stay* trusted family* my spiritual journey* seeing small galaxies* heavy quilts* spring bulbs* hugs, long and firm and gentle hugs* knowing God loves us GLBT people* Kinnet* my partner's arms around me* hot showers* cinnamon buns* soaking in a bathtub* being told *\"I love you\" a cigarette after sex* believing that soneday there will be no pain and suffering in this * *world hugs exchanging smiles with a stranger* meeting a friend's eyes acrlss a tlofi or table and sharing the same thought without even talking* hugging ny pillow in the niddle of the night when * *I feel afraid knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt my family's unconditional love books, * * * *books, books a bear named San frienrls memories living near a school and hearing thewhistles of the crossing guards blow to hetp their classmates aallss the street* Mozart* the circles of life and the completeness of the [Jniverse (ny name for God)* an otd denin shirt with holes in the s]eeves* being a peace with being a Christian and being gay* knowing the son I gave up for adoption 30 years ago is in my life and love me very much* having someone I respect truly listen to me, * *sensing that person really understands seeing others love what they preach knowing another soul knows and understands my situation, providing me with a sense of validation and a reassurance that I'm not crazy, not unreasonable nor uniquely visited by woe* knowing God loves and accepts me iust Ithe way am* seeing someone reach out in love to another person* family* friends* Igood music with profound lyrics and a score to match* reminding myself that have been loved and that I have on balance made the world a slight better place* *the smell of bread baking* my mother's hugs; nobody does it the way she does rain on the roof at night* knowing I don't have to depend 0n anylne else* hugs and kisses from mommy Pan Retchy (fm u 4 year old) * big brother Zachary's singing* security* peace of mind* being gay* knowing there are other lesbigays walking I an*the same path Christmas music all year long* words* the wool sweater my sister knitted for me years ago* ny faith* TLC from my partner and children* music* fanily* friends* all of nature. Connectlon' November/December'1998

And Joy * * * *Sea-smoke on the lake sunrise through the trees getting e-mail great games of suabble unexpected thoughtful talks * *with 12 year olds* hawks flying at the tops of mountains the raucous part conversations of Canada geese my passport* great phone calls* time with my fanily, all versions of ny fanily>* good ice ueam* peanut butter mixed with maple syrup* Marie's Blue Cheese Salad Dressing* warm rocks, Harriman Reservoir, and friends* memories * * *my heart holds onto friends from Kinnet spending hour after hour talking with friends naking a positive difference in my patient's lives* cold crisp Autumn mornings with frost on the ground, the sun just coming up, and trees' glowing in shades of red, onnge, and yellow* six rolls of fitn and yard fult of children to photograph* finding a favarite CD I thought was lost* being with my partner* angels in white gossamer dresses and *silver halos wearing high top black tennis shoes at the Christmas Pageant listening to great music (The Messiah, Beethoven's #h, Mahler's 1\" , etc)>* the smile on my nephew face where he pries my eye open and tells me it's time to get up* being a person who is able to help my friends when they need me* dancing alt night with my head thrown back while being twirled around the dance floor* singing a song I REALLY L)VE at * *the top of my lungs >k reallly listening to a person who needs to be heard the name Hannah the * * *sounds of kids running down the hills to school ny fanily vine-rippened tomatoes prize- gw i n n i n smiles* snail mail from people I love* wood stoves on blizzardy days>* hand-written envelopes *with real stamps in the middle of a pile of nail waking up in the night finding hin still in my arms* baby animals playing* potlucks* the smell of irises* meeting someone I've only known online and finding they're just as wonderful in person* all the things in that book of fifty thousand good itthings to appreciate (or whatever is)* putling the humor out of the most frightening, sad, painful situations* fellowship with friends* beautiful music* Van de Merwe jokes* a new \"Cat Who...\" book* insects chirping in the summertime* loving ny family and friends* a parade, even a tiny one* book stores with java and classical music playing* riding down the road with my best friend in a jeep with the top off* running>* learning* being understood* watching a person's face * * *when they 'get' a joke the sound of ocean waves getting home from work *sensing I'm doing the right thing* lots of yarn >* puppies and kittens ny fanily, moreioy than I ever thought possible* e-mail from people I love* daffodils in spring* being able to trust someone to do what they say and teach* surprise packages in the mail* the wind chimes on our balcony* eating* the light shining through stained glass windows* mornings C0nnection . November/December'1998

Ilome for the llolidays? BY CATHERINE TAYLOR Now for the difficult pare human equations. If Great tips for better ver rhe fuver and Through the Woods to dealing with your family is just too suessfi.rl, try holidays and Grandmother's house we go ... Really? making up some holiday traditions ofyour own. beyond ! Are you sure about this? Is Grandma Some of us have even added holidays to our life that still alive? Can your parffier be with you? Will are not permeated with challenging memories' this be a grand and nurturing time, full of what- Chanukah is really a great part of the season' I love ever tradition brings you joy? Aren't the holidays going to a Messiah Sing-Along each year at the local just a grand excuse for growth and development Episcopal Church. Some friends of mine carol for a (grin)? I haven't seen a Hallmark card yet that variety of people. Sam's performance with the talks about the stresses involved with December Boston Gay Men's Chorus has turned into a tradi- holidays. There are no reindeer clad admonitions tion for some of us in Kinship. It is an extraordinary to take extra Mtamin B or Calcium Magnesium celebration of hope, diversity, great performances, Citrate so you can survive the visit (or lack firn and humankind. It reminds me of what family thereof) wit}r you living relatives. There are no can mean for me. platitudes for dealing with the fact that this may be first holiday period without someone you love Think of people you mrght want to invite for dearly. There aren't even suggestions listed under special meals or outings or adventures. Think of ways you might like to decorate your dwelling. I live the decorative cacti for dealing with the season if in New England and still crave my traditional you have no major life losses ... and bless you if California Christrnases, so I gild the place with spmce and cacti. I eat the traditional green melon that is true for you this year. Here's my occasionally annual holiday reminder \"I gld the place with list for ways to get ttrough this time. I will leave spflJce and cacti. \" lots of things offthis list ... so please feel free to write Ben and add on for theJanuary edition and and pomegranate seeds for Christrnas Eve ... dont recovery tit r\" (I hear he needs articles). all ofyou? Since I have developed a need for Christrnas with some member of my biological First, for the physical stuff. For all of you who family, we go to Virginia and spend the weekwith have had to read this before, skip rapidly to some- my beloved uncle, aunt, and their demanding elderly thing else. Like all nagging aunties, I say the same semi-retired opera drva church member friend... I'm thing year after year. Stress depletes your immune not ready yet to spend the day with my modrer. I'm just giving you examples out of my life...maybe qrstem's ability to fight off disease. So does sugar. You might consider alleviating one or both as much others can share what they have done. as possible. Zinc builds up your immune system. Zinc picolinate is less likely to make you queasy than Dont spend so much money that you cant pay chelated zinc. Calcium/Magnesium and Stress B January's heating bill. Don't spend so much time Complex with C are invaluable in helping our bodies cope with what pressures life hands them. witl relatives who make you so uncomfortable that Physical exercise uses up anxiety and releases you have to go to an island or neuro-psych unit to endorphins, those great natural hormones that are recover. Dont confuse Christrnas with fairy tales' I the body's morphine. You might want to try to *rink this holiday is about God's desire to heal make sure you have time in the sunlight or under troubled relationships. So, if there is a way to do it one of those full spectrum lamps to build up your sanely, it's in keeping with the season. It is not a simple season. It is a journey just like the rest of life. serotonin. That will keep you from feeling less I think if can see tltat, we can pace ourselves, watch chemically depressed. Alcohol triggers the part of the brain that makes us feel depressed or angry. for crevasses, and maybe find some great unexpected Dont beat yourself up for wanting more starches. adventures along the way. It's one of the ways our body compensates for less sunlight this time of year. Dress warmly enough for Hugs and Blessings. Y the weather. Try getting enough sleep. Hug people you like. It's good for you. Connection . November/December'1998

REGISTRATION FORM zOth Annuafl Street Address S.D.A. State Zip KilNSHIP KAMPMEETilNG Preferred roommate (must complete separate registration form). Please use two forms. 1 999 tr u tr tr nntr lJ Check as appropriate Entire week Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat + July 18-25 A. Double occupancy (per person) Johns Hopkins Univ. $365.00 entire week or $60.00 daily rate $ Baltimore, MD B. Single occupancy (per person) $700.00 entire week or $120.00 daily rate Transportation can be provided C. Airport transporl $10.00 Jrom Baltimore lnternational (BWl) D. My donation to help the scholarship fund $ for a suggested donation of $10 Total Payment plans as wellas a limited Down payment ($50 min; $ number of scholarships are available. Please call or write for information. Balance due by May 15th. Flight lnformation n Check enclosed (made out to SDA Kinship) Arrival date n Please charge my Mastercard or Visa Time Amount authorized to be charged $ Airline Card # Flight Complete this form and mail Card expiration date with payment to: Signature SDA Kinship PO Box 7320 Conf irmation will be sent to persons registering by May 15, 1999. Pre-payment of Laguna Niguel, CA, 92607 Kampmeeting fees is appreciated since Kinship has to pre-pay the facility. Rooms are assigned on a first come first serve basis. Amounts quoted are in US currency. USA (949) 248-1299 [email protected]