SDA Kinship - Connection - March 2003

The Journal of Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. March 2003 • Vol. 27 No. 2contribute... concerned... 4Make a difference: Health notes:establish a local chapter infectious disease alert 3 coming out...comment.... Gay and Lesbian Seventh-day Adventists:Real world relationships strategies and outcomesnews & notes of resisting homosexuality 7 3 5

SDA KINSHIP Who we are...INTERNATIONAL, INC Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. (Kinship) is a nonprofit support organiza- tion which ministers to the spiritual, emotional, social, and physical well-being of Seventh-KINSHIP BOARD day Adventist lesbian, gay men, bisexual, and transgendered individuals and their familiesPresident: Bob Bouchard and friends. Kinship facilitates and promotes the understanding and affirmation of LGBTVice President: Taylor Ruhl Adventists among themselves and within the Seventh-day Adventist community throughSecretary: Charles Shobe education, advocacy, and reconciliation. Kinship is an organization which supports theTreasurer: Karen Lee advance of human rights for all people.Connection Editor: Steve PlinePublic Relations: Robb Crouch Founded in 1976, the organization was incorporated in 1981 and is recognized as a 501a(3)Church Liaison: Leif Lind non-profit organization in the US. Kinship has a board of up to 15 officers and 13 regionalWomyn’s Coordinator: Yolanda Elliott coordinators. The current list of members and friends includes several thousand people in 20Kampmeeting 2003 Coordinator: John Edwards countries.BOARD MEMBERS-AT-LARGE SDA Kinship believes the Bible does not condemn, or even mention, homosexuality as aUnder-30 Outreach: Eric Gilleo sexual orientation. Ellen G. White does not parallel any of the Bible texts, which are oftenKinNet Coordinator: Floyd Poenitz used to condemn homosexuals. Most of the anguish imposed upon God’s children who growOffice Manager / Member Services: Fred Casey up as LGBT has its roots in a misunderstanding of what the Bible says.Michelle CornwellAlumni Chapter Development & Fund-raising: Susan Carver Support KinshipEXECUTIVE COMMITTEE Kinship operates solely on contributions from its members and friends. Help us reach out to moreBob Bouchard, Samuel Pang, Pam Roberts LGBT Adventists by making a tax-deductible donation to SDA Kinship International. Please send your check or money order to the address below.CONNECTION STAFFCirculation: Fred Casey SDA Kinship, P.O. Box 7320, Laguna Niguel, CA 92607 — 866-732-5677Photography & artwork: Bruce Harlow, Tony PaulProduction: Gerry Fox Visit SDA Kinship’s Web Site at: www.sdakinship.orgINFORMATION REGIONAL COORDINATORS - USAThe Connection is published by Seventh-day AdventistKinship International, Inc. Principal office: P.O. Box 7320, Region 7 - Northwest Region 4 - MidwestLaguna Niguel, CA 92607; 866-732-5677. (AK, WA, OR ID, MT) (MN, IO, MO, IL, MI, IN, KY,OH) Dennis Grau Fred Casey 866-732-5677Submissions of letters, articles, pictures, art work, and 253-503-8363 [email protected] are welcome. Include your name as you want [email protected] published, address and telephone number. If an item Region 6 Mountain-Plainsis to be acknowledged or returned, please include a (ND, SD, CO, NE, WY, UT, NM) Region 1 - New Englandself-addressed, stamped envelope. Some connection Robb Crouch (PA, NY, CT, RI, MA, VT, NH, ME)contributors have chosen to remain anonymous. 402-466-9476 Eric Gilleo 617-524-8210Pseudonyms, if used, appear at the bottom of this page. [email protected] [email protected] connection reserves the right to edit manuscriptsfor length, syntax, grammar, and clarity. Address all Region 8 - 7 1 Region 2 - Mid-Atlanticsubmissions to the Connection, P.O. Box 7320, Laguna North California 4 (WV, VA, NC, DE, MD, DC)Niguel, CA 92607. Inquiries and article submissions may Nevada / Hawaii 86 Yolanda Elliot 410-531-5382also be e-mailed to [email protected]. (No. CA, NV HI) 9 2 [email protected] Harry WilmothThe mention or appearance of any names, organizations 510-523-3461 53or photographs in this publication is not meant to imply [email protected] fact or statement about their sexual orientation oractivity. Region 9 - Region 5 - Lone Star-South Region 3 - Deep South South California / Arizona (TX, OK, AR, LA) (TN, AL, MS, GA, SC, FL)Subscription requests or address changes may be sent (So. CA, AZ) Floyd Poenitz 972-416-1358 Rick Shadix 770-489-4184to: Subscriptions, P.O. Box 7320, Laguna Niguel, CA Jason Edwards 562-983-5662 [email protected] [email protected], or call 866-732-5677. The Kinship mailing list is [email protected] and used only by Kinship officers. The mailinglist is not sold, rented, or exchanged for any purpose. AFFILIATED INTERNATIONAL REGION CONTACTS© 2003 Connection. All rights reserved. Reproduction Australia Europe Canadain whole or in part without permission is prohibited. Noel Thorpe 61 (07) 33211101 Ruud Kieboom 31-70-3231234 Brent Lehmann 604-696-0376OPINIONS EXPRESSED HEREIN ARE NOT NECESSARILY [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] OF SDA KINSHIP.Member of the Gay and Lesbian Press Association. Germany Brazil Mexico & Spanish speaking PhilippinesPrinted in the U.S. using 100% recyclable paper. Roy Ratzer Itamar Matos de Souza Alexander Gomez Pasco Jonathan Coo [email protected] 55-61-383-2528 52-5752-1407 0918-558-3262Statistical insets: 2002 Gay/Lesbian Consumer Online [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] press release March 20032

Real world relationships cooled down and had stopped acting out.Jennifer L. Jacobsen, Region 8 I have friends who ask how we stayIn the real world people don’t look not be an easy life for either of us. together. We have had our ups andlike Jennifer Aniston or Brad Pitt, no The day we arrived was the first day downs, our times of trial and ourone in the real world has that much my parents had met Chris, my mom periods where we thought it wouldtime to spend on their body and their gave her very “cool” hug, my dad end. But it doesn’t, we keep cominghair. Now, don’t get me wrong, I gave her big ‘ole “bear hug”. back to each other and the love welove them both! share. Chris has made a profound So I knew then which parent was impact on my life, much more thanI love their movies and have watched going to the roughest one to deal she will ever admit to. When weFriends since the beginning. But in with. I already had come out to both met, I had dreams of writing andthe real world we make mistakes, we parents, my mom asked what she had changing the world; she encouragesget angry and we say hateful things. done wrong and my dad just thought me every step of the way.In the real world we break up and it was a phase I was going through.get back together again. In the real My brother never said anything. I am notoriously afraid of failure,world love is messy and exhilarating and in a family that seems to enjoyall at the same time, the real world Chris and I began our life together watching another family memberhas no script. But, in the real world and to say it was all roses and kisses fall, failure can be a difficult thingyou find the love that can change would be a lie. We have at one time to deal with. But being with Chrisyour life and everything you thought or another argued over everything has taught me to live life for me,you ever would or could be. to be who I want to be regardless God created us and loves of who they tell me to be. If I didEveryone I know is out there looking us no matter what we listen to them I would push myselffor that “perfect mate”. I got lucky look like or if we are gay to live a life that was a lie. I wouldand I found her on my second try. or straight be married with 2.5 kids, with theI admit, I am naive about a lot of big house and the fancy car, but itthings and I am not always the most from money to which side of the wouldn’t be me and I wouldn’t beaware person in the world, but I met sink is the best to wash the dishes happy.someone who made me believe in on (I say the side with the garbageme. disposal, she says the other side, we God has plays a very important still haven’t settled that one). part in Chris’ and my relationship. II met Chris in 1994, I was 24 years old was raised Seventh Day Adventist,and newly out to myself, my family I am one of those people that don’t’ Chris was not. Her family wouldand friends. I was lucky in that I believe I am loved just because occasionally go to the local Baptisthad several very supportive friends, someone tells me they love me. If church. So our two views of religionmy family is still a work in progress, someone yells at me I am more apt often differ. But we both believe inand myself, I am always a work in to believe that they love me. I know and love God.progress. My first real fear of being I put Chris through hell for the firstgay was that “Would God still love year. I would pick fights with her Chris holds to the belief that Godme’?” over absolutely nothing. I wanted created us and loves us no matter her to yell at me and cuss at me and what we look like or if we are gayWhen I knew in my heart that I was then I would be okay. But after a or straight. She came into ourin love with Chris, I prayed. I prayed few of those, she knew what I was relationship with this already figuredlike I had never prayed before in my doing and then flatly refused to do it out.life. I prayed and asked God that anymore. In fact she would leave meif she was not the one I was meant alone to be a complete fool all on my It has taken me a bit more time toto be with, that He take away the own. I would think she was in the really come to this realization andfeelings that I had for her and that other room crying or something, only to get past my family’s puritanicalHe remove her from my life. He to find out she had left the house, belief system. I struggled, it was harddidn’t do either one, in fact within gone for a drive or a walk until I for me. I felt like I was betrayinga year we were living together. She my family and everything I had beenmoved from Kansas to California to taught. So, I prayed and I read. Ibe with me, she gave up everything bought books on homosexuality andfor me. religion, and I read my Bible. Chris would search the web for books thatI flew back to Kansas and she and I she thought would help me, shedrove out to California together, and waited patiently for me to catch upI knew when we arrived that it would with her. I had to learn on my own what she already knew. It has been said thatSDA Kinship Connection 3

God is Love, and I believe it is true. Make a differenceHe is LOVE. I am lucky to have a Establish a local SDA Kinship chapterpartner that loves me enough to letme search and find this out on my Want more to happen in your Cheer them on, celebrate successesown, and I thank God everyday forher. area? Why not start a chapter! along the way, “encourage oneThere is no secret to why Chris and I To start, call the regional another and lift each other up.”have stayed together as long as wehave. We share one common goal; coordinator. Tell the coordinator 3C’s: Communicate, Communicate,to live the rest of our lives together.We had a very private commitment that you want to start a chapter Communicateceremony almost ten years ago. Itwas God, Chris, and myself alone in in your area. Before you call, read Successful chapter leaders likea room. Chris and I promised eachother our eternal love, devotion, the fist paragraph on the flyleaf of Jacob Demetrius will tell you that itand support. We felt that the onlywitness we needed was the One that the Connection under the heading, takes a lot of phone calls, e-mails,had brought us together. The onlytrue thing I know about having a “Who we are”. It is important that Yahoo group messages, or snaillong lasting, loving relationship isgiving it up to God; because, no one you are able to tell the coordinator mail to keep everyone informed.else can choose the perfect mate foryou. He brought me my real world that you want to establish a Some regions like Region 8, splitlove; He can bring you yours too. chapter that fulfills the purpose the regional coordinator role inThis real world relationship dependson Him being a part of it everyday. and mission of SDA Kinship. half with one person responsible Want to make a difference? Plan 3 meetings for getting the word out. This is the second of a three-part That’s right. Three For the first 3 how-to get involved in Kinship series. Kinshipmeetings in three months meetings, while you are getting the Get acquainted with three or more chapter started, SDA Kinship members If you haven’t been to how-toin attendance at each the Kinship Office, Kampmeeting, there isn’t a [email protected] better way to get acquainted meeting, is what it will send out e- with the Kinship family. KinNet takes to be certified as a mail and snail mail is a great way to stay in touch chapter. Once established throughout the year and the as a chapter, IRS rules for messages. Just send Connection will attempt to live non-profit mileage and series the information up to it’s name. When you are financial contributions to Fred, (what’s ready for more here are some ideas: apply. See your friendly planned, when, in the January issue: tax accountant for the where, what to bring/ How to: Advertise Kinship in local GLBT press details. Guidelines for chapter wear etc.) one month ahead of the in this issue: organization are available if a event. Fred does a fantastic job of How to: Establish a local chapter formal organization is needed. creating attractive invitations. in the May issue How to: Volunteer in Kinship Plan, Delegate, Encourage Once the chapter is meeting regularly, your area will jump From song service at Put a plan in place for the first to the top of the local list of Kampmeeting to office projects meeting. People appreciate a consideration for SDA Kinship ads to board positions, there is a vision. Meetings range from (details in January issue) Kinship volunteer opportunity getting together for lunch at to suit your calling. a restaurant, potluck, pie and Keep meeting ice-cream (it doesn’t have to be food, unless you want this editor‘s Send pictures from a meeting to attention:) a hike, a movie, an the new connection editor and you elephant exchange, guest speaker, will make another friend for life. community service, table games, Let your regional coordinator know etc. Remember, it isn’t the activity what is going on, and copy the itself that really counts. Most of office [email protected]. They us have plenty to do. It’s about can help to ensure that needed getting together and enjoying the resources are funneled to active support and encouragement that groups. only we can give each other. A meeting every other month is Ask a couple other people to plan all it takes to keep a chapter alive an event so that more people are and well. You’ll make new friends. involved and fewer get burned out. You will make better friends. You Then encourage the core team. will likely make someone else’s life much more pleasant in the process.4 March 2003

Support for Adventist family & friendsParents, families & friends have someone-to-talk-to while adjusting in the coming out journeyThe SDA Kinship board has voted is receiving frequent requests from in the US, staffed booths at SDAto recognize FFLAG as the referral families who wish to talk to others related conventions, and maintainsorganization for all families and in a similar situation or to advocate an active web site and discussionfriends of SDA Kinship members for the GLBT community. group found at www.someone-to-who are seeking a supportive FFLAG was selected because of its talk-to.net.environment. The board believes strong track record of providingthat the needs of both GLBT positive and constructive support Carol Grady, FFLAG founder,individuals and their families are for accepting and non-accepting recently authored an open letter tobest met by parallel but closely families of Kinship members. a non-accepting mother regardingaligned organizations that focus FFLAG recently mailed stories and Biblical “clobber” texts that ison the specific needs of their reference materials that encourage being used as the benchmark forrespective memberships. The office compassion to all SDA pastors development of a similar statement on the SDA Kinship Web site.SDA Kinship spring board meetingMarch 1 & 2, 2003, Crownsville, MDThe need for Kinship is evidently meeting. The staff is organized, vegetarian cuisine year-round. Astrong as a new member joins helpful, and several prominent mid-week barbecue will break upKinship every day. Similarly staff members are quite out. the routine. The Kampmeetingpositive reports on all initiatives Accommodations will be in 3 story registration insert is also availablewere the norm for spring board Limon Hall which is exclusively on the Kinship web-site or themeeting hosted by Taylor Ruhl and reserved for Kinship use. Bedding, office can provide extra copies.Leif Lind. plenty of towels, and housekeeping The board also selected July 7John Edwards, ‘03 Kampmeeting services are provided. Bathrooms to 14 for Kampmeeting 2005 incoordinator, visited this years’ are very private. The cafeteria is St. Louis, MO. KampmeetingKampmeeting site, Green roomy and serves a wide variety will begin immediately after theMountain College, prior to the of both vegetarian and non- closing weekend of the General Conference session. The planningNotes from readers committee is expecting some outstanding speakers in addition toJim Kaatz, Ed.D.; President, San Diego Adventist Forum the wonderful camaraderie and fun associated with Kampmeeting.I received my first copy of Connection month except for June and December An important part of Kampmeetingin the San Diego Adventist Forum (recess), at the San Diego Tierrasanta is election of officers for the newmail today. Thank you — it’s nicely SDA Church. year. All positions are open eachdone. year, and the incumbent secretary Persons may request being added and Connection editor will not beIf might be of interest for your to the monthly newsletter mailing running for re-election. Positionreaders to know that the San Diego roster which is sent out without descriptions are available fromForum presentation on October 11 cost to interested individuals. A the office. In addition, Regionwill feature Dr. John Cobb, professor listing of past Forum presentations, Coordinators for Regions 4emeritus of Fuller Theological recorded on audio cassettes, may also (Midwest), 8 (N. CA / HI / NV), andSeminary, presenting: The Biblical be obtained upon request. For the 9 (S.CA / AZ) are needed. PleasePerspective on Homosexuality. Dr. above or further details, contact: contact SDA Kinship President, BobMadelynn Jones-Haldeman, professor [email protected] or 619-561-2360 or P. Bouchard, [email protected] of La Sierra University, will O. Box 3148, La Mesa, CA 91944-3148. if you have an interest.respond to his presentation. The board also spent significant Let me know if this information is of time planning effective financialForum presentations are at 3:00 p.m., interest. and organizational strategies andtypically the second Sabbath of each processes for coping with SDA Thank you. Kinship’s rapid growth.SDA Kinship Connection 5

Health notes: Infectious disease alertfrom HIV/AIDS Surveillance Supplemental Report Volume 8, Number 3 and other public sourcesOn January 27, the LA Times reported skin. If you notice these symptoms, diseases and protect ourselves asa sharp rise in antibiotic resistant it is worth visiting your physician to a result of our HIV experiencesstaph infections among gay men have it investigated. Staph infectionsin the LA area. Since the fall of are rarely fatal and can be treated, On a more serious note, significant2002, the number of gay men in Los but they are serious and painful. outbreaks of syphilis have recentlyAngeles County suffering from boils, been reported in New York City, Losinflammation, and abscesses on their Unfortunately, staph is easily spread Angeles, Houston, and Miami. Inhands, legs, and genitals has risen by skin-to-skin contact, particularly NYC the number of cases jumped 55sharply. in warm, moist environments. In percent in 2002, with the increase LA, it is speculated that sexual concentrated among gay andSeveral similar cases have been contact or the shared use of sauna bisexual men.reported in Boston and New York or gym facilities may be the meansCity. The cases are unique because of transmission. However there Big cities aren’t the only dangermany of the men affected are not is no evidence that this is the case spots. In Palm Springs with aimmuno-compromised. They do not and health officials caution that the population of 40,000, the number ofhave HIV or other factors that would number of cases, while significant by cases skyrocketed from 7 in 2001 tomake them more susceptible. historical standards, is still small. This 53 in 2002. is not an epidemic by any measure.Staph is a common bacterium. Many Syphilis symptoms, if they appearof you have probably had staph For those who think this seems eerily at all, include sores on the genitals,infections before, particularly if familiar to the first reports of HIV anus, or mouth; non-itchy rashesyou’ve had surgery or have been infection, here are a few a points on the body; flu-like symptoms andin the hospital. However, in recent that indicate this situation different: swollen glands; and hair loss. Whileyears new strains of staph have penicillin and other drugs can easilyappeared that are more aggressive 1. Staph is a known pathogen that is knock out syphilis in its early stages,and difficult to treat. These strains familiar to all health-care facilities left untreated it can damage theusually appear in hospitals, nursing heart, eyes, brain, cripple, or evenhomes, or other locations where 2. Staph can be treated, though an kill.individuals have weak immune infection is serious and treatmentsystems. involves powerful antibiotics While syphilis is usually treatable, the rise in cases threatens to boostA staph infection is usually first 3. As a community we are much HIV rates because infection makesmanifested as a boil or abscess on the better equipped to spread it easier to transmit the AIDS virus. information about infectious Clinics can detect the disease with a simple blood test.Today, 42 million people are estimated to be living withHIV/AIDS. Of these, 38.6 million are adults. 19.2 million While the official estimate of neware women, and 3.2 million are children under 15. AIDS cases in the US continues to decrease, some new data suggests aAn estimated 5 million people acquired the human disturbing reversal. Reuters reportedimmunodeficiency virus (HIV) in 2002, including 2 on February 11, 2003 that AIDsmillion women and 800,000 children under 15. cases might actually be increasing. In the 25 states that reported newDuring 2002, AIDS caused the deaths of an estimated diagnoses of HIV infection, there was3.1 million people, including 1.2 million women and an 8 percent increase in the number610,000 children under 15. of cases between 1999 and 2001.Women are becoming increasingly affected by HIV. Dr. Ron Valdiserri, a deputy directorApproximately 50%, or 19.2 million, of the 38.6 million of the National Center for HIV,adults living with HIV or AIDS worldwide are women. Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Tuberculosis Prevention at the U.S. Source: http://wwww.cdc.gov/hiv/stats.htm Centers for Disease Control and Prevention presented the results at the 10th Annual Conference on Retroviruses and Opportunistic Infections, being held in Boston. continued on page 126 March 2003

Gay and Lesbian Seventh-day Adventists:Strategies and outcomes of resisting homosexualityRene D. DrummThis article presents findings from much different (O’Brian, 1991). Weinberg, 1978). Some researchersa qualitative study of 37 gay and note an association betweenlesbian Seventh-day Adventists. In studying religiously affiliated religiosity and homophobiaUsing in-depth interviewing, the gays and lesbians, researchers note (Berkman & Zinberg, 1997).research explored participants’ the pervasiveness of the influence Individuals reared in families whoseaccounts of the home environments of religious socialization on the religious beliefs define homosexualand examined participants’ journeys individual. Religion frequently behavior as sinful may internalizein trying to reconcile a lesbian or provides a world view with which these convictions (Wagner et al.,gay sexual orientation with an all other competing forces must 1994). Some may believe “If I amidentity as Christian. Findings offer contend (Thumma, 1991). This world homosexual, I must not be a truecontextual information regarding view may be so powerful that it Christian; if I am a Christian, Ithe participants’ experience growing cannot be homosexual.” As a resultup in Adventist families and While some of the of the conviction that homosexualAdventist churches whose religious strategies reported behavior is inherently non-Christian,beliefs prohibited homosexual here reflect themes religiously affiliated gays andbehavior. Findings highlight various from the literature, lesbians often seek to changestrategies participants used to resist I will elaborate on their sexual orientation (Friedmanhomosexuality, including several the unique aspects & Downey, 1994). The search forchange strategies that appear unique of lesbian and gay a change in sexual orientation,to Christian gay and lesbian persons Adventists’ journeys... however, is often disappointingthat have not been previously because such a change appears to beexamined in the literature, and the produces measurable differences highly unlikely (Friedman & Downey,outcomes of those efforts. These in attitudes among gay and lesbian 1994). Coleman (1988, p. xv) states,findings suggest implications for persons. Wagner et al. (1994) noted “many of the psychoanalytic andsocial work practitioners, social a significant difference between a behavioral approaches which werework educators, and faith-based community sample of gay persons designed to purge homosexualitycommunities. not associated with a religious from the individual and create institution and those affiliated with heterosexuality were found to beMany world religions point to the a particular religion concerning generally ineffective and ethicallyBible story of the destruction of religious beliefs and religious questionable.” Research concerningSodom and Gomorrah as proof of behavior. These findings may indicate “change ministry” within theGod’s disapproval of homosexuality important differences in the gay Adventist church found widespread(Ponse, 1978). Particularly among community between religiously sexual abuse of the counseleesconservative Catholic, Protestant, affiliated and non-religiously by the “reformed homosexual”and Jewish adherents, the practice of affiliated gay and lesbians. center director (Lawson, 1987).homosexuality is condemned (LeVay While literature exists supporting& Nonas, 1995). In spite of this, many Internal Conflict and Seeking Change the possibility of change in sexualhomosexual persons have religious The more serious homosexuals are orientation, it remains controversial.identities and commitments that about their religious experience, One reviewer of change therapythey are reluctant to give up (Salais the more conflict they may have concludes that these studies& Fisher, 1995). Studies suggest over their homosexuality (Bell & “are consistently flawed by poorthat “gays and lesbians belong or nonexistent followup data,to the various major faiths and improper classification of subjects,denominations in about the same and confusion of heterosexualproportions as other Americans” competence with sexual orientation(LeVay & Nonas, 1995, p. 106). shift” (Haldeman, 1991, p. 155).Further, research indicates thatamong gays who were religiously As social perceptions and attitudesaffiliated, the religious attitudes of have shifted regarding the meritgay and non-gay members were not and efficacy of changing sexual orientation, acceptance of one’sSDA Kinship Connection 7

homosexuality has become the Thirty seven individuals contributed 1985, p. 305). The interviews lastedfocus of social work practice and information for the study. Of these, an average of two to three hourspolicy. Consequently, the literature 28 were interviewed, and nine with a maximum of six hours.has dwindled concerning efforts submitted autobiographies for Participants reviewed and signedreligiously affiliated gay and lesbian analysis. There were 14 women and an informed consent agreementpersons make to change their 23 men whose ages ranged from 23 prior to the interview. Intervieweesorientations. In addition, there is to 56. While most were Caucasian, had an option of being audiotapeda significant lack of information there was one Asian American, one or allowing me to take notes onabout the everyday experience African American, and one person a lap top computer to record theof many homosexual Christians in of Hispanic descent. There was data. The naturalistic paradigmterms of integrating their religion also some international diversity calls for inductive data analysisand sexual orientation. This paper in the sample. One participant (Lincoln & Guba, 1985). The dataaddresses the experiences of gay and was a native of Australia and two were initially processed using thelesbian Seventh- day Adventists and participants were Canadian. All computer program Ethnographreviews their journeys in reconciling participants had graduated from to assist in coding the emerginga lesbian or gay sexual orientation high school. Seventeen participants themes. As coding continued in thewith an identity as a particular kind had completed college, eight had analysis process, I examined specificof Christian. Seventh-day Adventists continued on to a master’s degree, instances of the codes to clarifyview homosexual behavior as sinful two had graduated from medical similarities and differences. Using(Ministerial Association, 1988). Since school, and three had earned a the constant comparative methodthis is a typical stance in conservative doctoral degree. This study used (Glaser & Strauss, 1967), I generatedProtestantism, Catholicism, and purposive sampling methods in both descriptive and explanatoryJudaism (Orbach, 1975; Thumma, accordance with the conventions of categories. This process led to1991), this research may have the naturalistic paradigm to magnify interpretive insights as I noted theimplications for persons of other information and add understanding emerging themes. To assure accuracyreligious faiths as well. (Lincoln & Guba, 1985). To locate in my interpretations, I used member participants, I used the internet checking as an analytical tool.Methods computer network developed Member checking consists of theThe naturalistic paradigm of scientific by members of SDA Kinship participants reviewing the report forinquiry provided the structure International, called KinNet. SDA accuracy (Lincoln & Guba, 1985). Thefor this qualitative study (Lincoln Kinship International is a support purpose of member checking is to& Guba, 1985). The naturalistic group for Seventh-day Adventist gay, provide a direct test of the findingsparadigm holds that perceptual lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered and analysis with the participantsrealities are “multiple, constructed, persons. I invited users of this group themselves. All of the names usedand holistic” (Lincoln & Guba, to reply to a general announcement through this study are pseudonyms.1985, p. 37). In-depth interviewing explaining my project. Members I chose to use pseudonyms insteadprovided the vehicle to gain a deeper could participate by agreeing to an of case numbers so that ethnicityunderstanding of lesbian and gay in-depth interview or by submitting and gender would not be masked. InAdventists from the perspective of an autobiography. To be included in addition, pseudonyms aid the readerthe participants. the study, the participants needed in identifying the participants as to meet two criteria: (1) identify persons rather than objects used forStudy Participants and Sample themselves as homosexual and (2) be scientific study.Selection a current or former member of the Seventh-day Adventist church. Growing Up Adventist 95.8% For the majority of lesbian and Gay/Lesbian Online Census Data Collection and Analysis gay Seventh-day Adventists in I developed an interview guide this study, understanding theQ: Are you out to your immediate based on the research questions influence of family and religion wasfamily, friends and/or at work? from my doctoral dissertation. This fundamental to understanding how guide was used as a starting point their conflicts formed between theirBeing out to friends is the most to direct the discussion and assist sexual orientation and religiousprevalent with more than 9 out of in getting similar information from affiliation. Most participants grew up10 respondents (92.3%) saying their all participants (Lofland & Lofland, in Adventist homes and were firmlyfriends know they are gay. Eight 1995). Autobiographies were also entrenched in the Adventist religion.out of 10 (80.3%) are out to family gathered from some participants. In One participant summarized hismembers with 66.4 percent out at this way, I was able to use multiple experience: To answer the questionwork. Less than five percent of the sources of data. Triangulation of how I became an Adventist, I’drespondents are not out (4.2%) at all. “improves the probability that have to say that I don’t know what findings and interpretations will be else I could have been. I was born in found credible” (Lincoln & Guba, an Adventist hospital8 March 2003

(on the Sabbath, no less), to SDA they developed an understanding 51.1%parents who had graduated from of their sexual orientations. Much Gay/Lesbian Online CensusSDA schools, sent there by their has been written in the literatureSDA parents. I went only to SDA regarding stages and models of how Q: What (item) most accuratelychurches and my parents socialized people come to see themselves as gay describes your same-sex relationshipalmost exclusively with SDA’s. or lesbian (Cass, 1979; Coleman, 1982; status?My aunts and uncles were SDA’s. Plummer, 1975; Troiden, 1988). LessOne set were missionary doctors, is known about the specific strategies More than half of respondents are inanother uncle was an academy individuals use to try not to be gay or a committed relationship with 51.1Bible teacher. My mother’s father lesbian. Lesbian and gay Adventists percent saying they are partneredhad been a missionary to Japan offered some insights about how and 3.4 percent stating they had(Marvin). Participants in this study they resisted homosexuality. While a civil union or same-sex marriageoverwhelmingly reported growing some of the strategies reported here ceremony.up experiences of typical Seventh-day reflect themes from the literature, IAdventist families. The majority of will elaborate on the unique aspects Q: What is the length of your currentparticipants described having family of lesbian and gay Adventists’ relationship?worship, following a vegetarian diet, journeys in resisting homosexuality.keeping the Sabbath, and other As these participants began to Of those respondents who saytraditions promoted by the church. understand their sexual orientation they are either partnered or had aNearly all participants related that to be other than heterosexual, they civil union ceremony, 32.6 percentthey had come from a close-knit engaged in a number of strategies have been together 1-3 years andfamily. “I come from a very loving to resist “becoming” gay or lesbian. 25.4 percent have been togetherand caring family. We are very Participants used change-seeking 4-7 years. 13.3 percent have beenclose to this day. I call them all the strategies that included: staying in together less than a year, while attime and assure them that I love denial, seeking professional help the other end of the spectrum, 16.3them. They do the same” (Donald). to change orientation, engaging in percent have been together a dozenSeventh-day Adventist education was suicide attempts, praying, claiming years or more.another important factor influencing Bible promises, using religiousthese participants. All of the lesbian rituals, immersion in religion, and Of those currently in a relationship,and gay Adventists in this sample heterosexual marriage. Many 19.2 percent say they had aattended a church-affiliated school participants used tools they had commitment ceremony or civil unionfor at least some portion of their gleaned from church teachings to ceremony. Female respondents areeducation. “The greatest influence ward off homosexual urges. Of much more likely to have had someon my development as an Adventist these eight strategies, five appeared sort of ceremony.was probably the fact that I attended unique to gay men and lesbiansSDA schools from first grade through with strong religious identities. Of those respondents who say theya master’s degree” (Tom). That is, the strategies of staying in are in a committed relationship, 78 denial, seeking professional help, percent of women and 64.4 percentThe combination of being raised and engaging in suicide attempts of men say they are in a relationshipin Adventist homes and attending are common in the literature as ways of seven years or less. Conversely, 22Adventist schools produced a that lesbians and gay men sometimes percent of women and 35.6 percentsimilar acceptance of Adventist deal with their homosexuality. While of men say they are in a relationshipteachings and traditions among research documents heterosexual of eight years or more.the participants. Most participants marriage among gay and lesbianaccepted the Adventist religion and populations, it is generally not within was gay. It seemed to be such a sin.belief system in its entirety. “I went the context of trying to change I just knew it had to be my fault,to boarding school for academy and sexual orientation. Praying, claiming my choice made wrong somewherean Adventist college a few hours Bible promises, using religious I didn’t remember” (Marvin). Aaway after I graduated. I had a good rituals, and immersion in religion woman reported, “My first reactionexperience. My teachers were great. I as strategies in changing sexual [to realizing my homosexuality] wasreally never questioned the Adventist orientation are seldom mentioned. screaming inside, ‘No! God, No! I’dbeliefs having grown up in the rather die.’”environment” (Nathan). Denial Denial is a typical response in Professional Help to ChangeDealing with the Conflict of Religion understanding oneself as gay or Orientationand Sexual Orientation through lesbian (Troiden, 1988). Participants About one-third of this sampleResisting Homosexuality in this sample, however, often sought professional help to changeHaving had similar family and connected the denial with religion or their sexual orientations. The rangeeducational backgrounds, God. One participant remembered, of modalities included traditionalparticipants in this study also “I couldn’t admit to myself that I talk therapy, aversion therapy andexperienced comparable journeys as residential treatment. In each case,SDA Kinship Connection 9

these efforts failed. This supports homosexuality. This generally took on ministering to others, I couldexisting literature which documents the form of praying to God to take overcome this” (Sue).the difficulties that are typically away homosexual desires. “I spendencountered in changing orientations entire nights agonizing in prayer Heterosexual marriage(Friedman & Downey, 1994). In with God. Begging Him, ‘Please Lord! One way participants in this studysome cases, failure to change was Please! Don’t let me be gay!’ I found tried to resist homosexuality was toonly one problem associated with myself praying, ‘Please Lord, let this pursue a heterosexual relationshiptreatment attempts. One participant cup pass from me, but your will be and get married. Most individualsexperienced sexual abuse while done’” (Joanne). “I have prayed my realized that they were gay orattending a church affiliated “change entire life (since age 13) that the Lord lesbian; however, they hopedministry” program. This ministry would change me. I didn’t want to that marriage would change theirwas operated by a “reformed have these feelings. I didn’t want to orientations. All of the participantshomosexual” who was a former go to hell. I didn’t want to be this in this study who married are nowSDA minister (Lawson, 1987). This way” (Mitch). divorced. In general, participantsparticipant committed himself to held their former spouses in highresidential “treatment” and was Claiming Bible Promises regard and expressed much regretsexually approached by the director Adventists believe that God, through for the pain the marriage caused.from the first weekend at the the Bible, promises help in times One female participant rememberedcenter until he left over a year later. of need. Participants were taught her heterosexual marriage, I guessSubsequent interviews with former to “claim” these promises, that is, I allowed myself to fall in love withresidents revealed wide-spread believe that God’s help will come to the idea that this guy loved andabuse among the counselees in this them if they ask, referring to certain cared for me. When he asked me toparticular “change ministry” (Lawson, Bible texts. “I resolutely decided marry him, I was 32 years old and1987). I could overcome this, with God’s figured this was God’s answer to my help. It was sin and all sin could be prayers. After all, we were taughtSuicide Attempts overcome through Christ. I began that if we asked God to take awayResearch indicates that suicide looking for Bible texts to admonish unnatural desires he would do soamong lesbian and gay adolescents myself. I’d look for promises of (Nan). Other participants were lessis six times higher than the norm overcoming and ask friends to pray sure that the marriage would change(Zastrow & Kirst-Ashman, 1997). for me” (Sue). them, but wanted to give it a try.It is not surprising, therefore, that On his wedding day, one participantabout one-fourth of the participants Use of Religious Rituals recalled, “Standing in the churchin this study also attempted suicide The “laying on of hands” is a waiting to say, ‘I do,’ I was thinking,in response to their homosexuality. religious ritual where Adventist ‘I shouldn’t do this. Hans, you’reThese attempts ranged from taking ministers and elders of the church gay. But you can’t back out now.handfuls of pills (whatever they could pray for the person who needs What will the church think of you?’ Ireadily find) to cutting their wrists “healing.” The laying on of hands wanted to be married. I wanted to beand hospitalization. is done in a group while touching straight. I thought I could pretend” the individual. One male informant (Hans).Prayer recalled, “Soon after my first affair I was filled with guilt. So the next Outcomes of ResistanceAll of the participants in this sample morning I said to him [my partner], While the lesbian and gay Seventh-used prayer as a means to resist ‘You can’t stay here. This is wrong.’ day Adventists in this study had He left and I got into the religion previously resisted acknowledging 57.5% thing again. People prayed for me and accepting their homosexuality, Gay/Lesbian Online Census with laying on of hands” (Alan). at the time of interview, they recognized their sexual orientationsQ: Do you identify more strongly Immersion in Religion as a part of them that would notwith your ethnicity or your sexual When trying to resist homosexuality, change or go away. This sectionorientation? Do you, for instance, some lesbian and gay Adventists outlines three basic outcomes orthink of yourself as a gay person first, would immerse themselves in decisions participants made to dealthen African-American? religious activities hoping that the with their homosexuality and religion homosexual tendencies would lessen. after abandoning resistance.Overall, 57.5 percent of respondents “I did a lot of praying. I got involvedsay they identify more strongly with with church activities like leading Leave the Church while Retainingtheir orientation while 8.3 percent out in song service, youth activities, Gay/Lesbian Identityidentify more with their ethnicity. A helped out with Pathfinders Approximately one-third of thethird of respondents (33.9%) say they and I led out in Sabbath School” participants in this study (12 out ofidentify equally with both. (Nathan). “After my sophomore 37) chose to leave the church after year in college I decided to become realizing that their resistance was not a student missionary. If I had a year going to change their orientations. In off to do nothing but concentrate this study, leaving10 March 2003

the church refers to dropping church traditions. I tithe to Kinship, and 12.5%membership. In spite of dropping I’m still a vegetarian, don’t drink or Gay/Lesbian Online Censuschurch membership, many of the smoke. The big issue is the gay issueparticipants still sustained, to some (Mark). Q: Do you have children under theextent, Adventist traditions. For age of 18 living at home?example, some remained vegetarian Believe Doctrines, Feel Righteousand observed the Sabbath, which are Indignation, Leave Almost 13 percent of respondenttraditions of the Adventist religion. A third condition for leaving the households have children under theThere were three conditions under church was that participants felt age of 18 living at home (12.5%).which lesbian and gay Adventists in wronged by the church and left. In More than three-quarters of thosethis sample left the church. These general, these participants believed households with children are femaleconditions included: (1) no longer most of the Adventist doctrines, but households (78.4% or 857/1093).believing church doctrines; (2) did not attend church because of thebelieving church doctrines, but not church’s stance on homosexuality. Q: If you are either in a householdbeing able to conform to them; or These participants felt that the with children under the age of 18 or(3) feeling righteous indignation and church had rejected them and in are the parent of a non-resident childleaving the church. return, they rejected the church. under the age of 18, was that child/ One participant said: With respect children (select all that apply):No Longer Believe Church Doctrine to institutional Adventism, I want noThe majority of participants who left part of it unless I am welcome. Until Of those respondents who answeredthe church did so simply because they gay acceptance is written as part of a affirmatively to one of the answerno longer believed church doctrines. policy of acceptance, I want no part options, 68.6 percent say the childNationally, the Adventist church of institutional Adventism. I have a comes from a previous opposite-sexexperiences about a 50 percent wonderful worship community that I relationship. 11.1 percent say thedropout rate as people change their am a part of. I will not simply idolize child is related by blood, but not thereligious beliefs (Willis, 1998). Being my past, nostalgia, or familiarity respondent’s or the respondent’sgay or lesbian may or may not itself (George). partner’s own offspring. 9.3 percenthave been the decisive factor in say the child was conceived artificiallythese participants’ decisions to leave Retain Church Membership Through and 7.4 percent say the child isthe church. One woman shared, “I Celibacy adopted. 1.8 percent say the child is aleft because I no longer believed Homosexuals who practice celibacy foster child.the doctrines nor the dogma of the can hold church membership in goodSeventh-day Adventist Church, even standing since the church’s objection participants who integrated gay/in God. I believe that there is no one is focused on homosexual behavior lesbian orientation with churchtruth as SDA’s claim” (Anna). rather than orientation. Two of the membership were either in a 25 who retained church membership committed same-sex relationship orBelieve Doctrine, Cannot Conform, did so by practicing celibacy. These were looking for a life partner. TheLeave the Church individuals fully recognized and following interview excerpts illustrateAnother condition of leaving the accepted their sexual orientation the integration of homosexualchurch was that the participants and believed it would not change. orientation and Adventist affiliation.believed the church doctrines, but At the same time, they did not want Despite the church’s official opinion,realized that they could not conform to give up church membership and there are two things I’ve always beento the expectations of the church therefore made a commitment to — always will be — a Seventh-day(celibacy) and left. These participants celibacy. One participant said, “For Adventist and a lesbian. God doesn’tbelieved that homosexual behavior myself, I have to be celibate because expect me to try to be somethingwas wrong, and therefore did it [homosexuality] is a controversial I’m not, or say I can’t be somethingnot want to go to church because issue. I might not keep that same I believe in (Nan). I am still a quitethey knew they would not remain reference forever, but for now I’m conservative Adventist. The Adventistcelibate. I’m no longer in the church, committed to living a celibate life lifestyle is something that works forbut I’m a lot more comfortable (Jim). me and something that I worked outwith myself as a gay person. I don’t with God on my knees after manypretend to have the big answer Integrate Gay/Lesbian and Adventist hours of prayer and studying and[about homosexuality]. I would take Affiliation tearful contemplation. The same goesthe position that it [homosexual About 60% of the lesbian and gay for my homosexuality. I have peacebehavior] isn’t a sin if I was talking Adventist in this study (23 of 37) in my heart that God accepts me as Ito my mom. But I’m not sure I’m had fully integrated their sexual am. Being the omnipotent God thatconvinced of that myself. It would be orientation with their Adventist He is, he knew I was going to bevery hard to come back to the church. church lifestyle and membership. gay long before I was a gleam in myIt would make a difference if the The participants in this group were Dad’s eye. Now I see mychurch turned its position around. fairly open regarding their sexualI still hang on to certain Adventist orientation and their Seventh-day Adventist affiliation. In general,SDA Kinship Connection 11

homosexuality as a blessing. It took Ministerial Association. (1988). - Disease - continued from page 5a long time to get there—34 years Seventh day Adventists believe... “We see a 14 percent increase in HIV(Hans). Hagerstown, MD: Review and Herald diagnoses over this two-year period Publishing. in men who have sex with men and continued next issue a 10 percent increase in heterosexual Orbach, W. (1975). Homosexuality transmissions,” Valdiserri said.REFERENCES and Jewish law. Journal of Family About half the new cases of HIV Law, 14(4), 353-381. are in women who are infected byBell, A., & Weinberg, M. (1978). men, the CDC says. However, the 25Homosexualities: A study of diversity O’ Brien, T. (1991). A survey of states reporting represented aboutamong men and women. New York: gay/lesbian Catholics concerning 25 percent of HIV cases in the countrySimon & Schuster. attitudes toward sexual orientation and do not include New York and and religious beliefs. Journal of California, the two states with theBerkman, C. S., & Zinberg, G. (1997). Homosexuality, 21(4), 29-44. most cases.Homophobia and heterosexism insocial workers. Social Work, 42(4), Pattison, E. M., & Pattison, M. L. 63.7%319-332. (1980). Ex-gays: Religiously mediated Gay/Lesbian Online Census change in homosexuals. AmericanCass, V. (1979). Homosexuality Journal of Psychiatry, 137(12), 1553- Q: What is your religious affiliation?identity formation: A theoretical 1562. Q: Are you currently practicing?model. Journal of Homosexuality, More than 6 out of 10 (63.7%)4(3), 219-235. Plummer, K. (1975). Sexual stigma: respondents say they are affiliated An interactionist account. Lon don: with a particular religion; 38 percentColeman, E. (1982). Homosexuality Routledge and Kegan Paul. say they are practicing members. Theand psychotherapy. New York: The largest segment is Catholics (17.2%),Haworth Press, Inc. Ponse, B. (1978). Identities in the although only 29.5 percent of those lesbian world: The social construction members say they are practicing.Coleman, E. (1988). Integrated of self. Westport, Co: Greenwood.identity for gay men and lesbians: Rene’ Drumm, pictured abovePsychotherapeutic approaches for Salais, D., & Fisher, R. B. (1995). at Kampmeeting 2002, is anemotional well-being. New York: Sexual preference and altruism. Associate Professor of social work Journal of Homosexuality, 28 (1/2), and coordinates the AdvancedHarrington Park. Davidson, A. 185-196. Interpersonal Practice track of(1970). The returns of love: Letters the MSW program at Andrewsof a Christian homosexual. Downers Shallenberger, D. (1996). Reclaiming University. Dr. Drumm holds aGrove, IL: InterVarsity Press. the spirit: The journey of gay master’s degree in Social Work men and lesbian women toward from Michigan State University andFriedman, R., Downey, J. I., &. (1994). integration. Qualitative Sociology, a Ph.D. in Sociology/Family StudiesHomosexuality. New England Journal 19(2), 195-213. from Texas Women’s University.of Medicine, 331(14), 923-929. Thumma, S. (1991). Negotiating aHaldeman, D. C. (1991). Sexual religious identity: The case of the gayorientation conversion therapy for evangelical. Sociological Analysis,gay men and lesbians: A scientific 52(4), 333-347.examination. In J. C. Troiden, R. R. (1988). Gay and lesbianGonsioreck (Ed.), Homosexuality: identity: A sociological analysis. NewResearch implications for public York: General Hall.policy. Newbury Park, CA: SagePublications. Wagner, G. J. S., Pabkin, J., Remien, R., & Williams, J. (1994).Lawson, R. (1987). Trouble in an “ex- Integration of one’s religion andgay ministry” [Quest Learning Center/ homosexuality: A weapon againstHomosexuals Anonymous]. internalized homophobia? Journal of Homosexuality, 26(4), 93.Le Vay, S., & Nonas, E. (1995). Cityof friends: A portrait of the gay Zastrow, C., & Kirst-Ashman, K.and lesbian community in America. K. (1997). Understanding humanCambridge, MA: The MIT Press. behavior and the social environment. Chicago, IL: Nelson-Hall Publishers.Lincoln, Y., & Guba, E. G. (1985).Naturalistic inquiry. Beverly Hills: Thank You!Sage. Susan Carver responded to the appeal for advertising funds in theLofland, D., & Lofland, L. H. (1995). last Connection issue by funding 4Analyzing social settings. Universityof California: Wadsworth Publishers. months of ads.12 March 2003