SDA Kinship - CONNECTION - April 2007

The Journal of Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. April 2007 Vol. 31 No. 4 God regards us as His children. He has redeemed us out of the careless world and has chosen us to become members of the royal family, sons and daughters of the heavenly King…Parents love their children but the love of God is larger, broader, deeper than human love could possibly be. It is immeasurable. –Ellen White Christ’s Object Lessons

KINSHIP BOARD Who we are...President: Bob Bouchard Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. is a non-profitVice President: Jeremy Brown support organization. We minister to the spiritual, emotional, social,Secretary: Bruce Harlow and physical well-being of current and former Seventh-day AdventistsTreasurer: Karen Wetherell who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and intersex individuals,Connection Editor: Catherine their families and friends. Kinship facilitates and promotes the understanding and affirmation of LGBTI Adventists among themselves Taylor and within the Seventh-day Adventist community through education,Public Relations Coordinator: advocacy, and reconciliation. Kinship is an organization which supports the advance of human rights for all people. Scott TetleyChurch Liaison: David Ferguson Founded in 1976, the organization was incorporated in 1981 and isWomen‚’s Coordinator & recognized as a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization in the US. Kinship has a board of up to 15 officers and 13 regional coordinators. The current Chapter Development: list of members and friends includes several thousand people in 43 Yolanda Elliott countries.Kampmeeting Coordinator 2007: Naveen Jonathan SDA Kinship believes the Bible does not condemn, or even mention,Kampmeeting Location homosexuality as a sexual orientation. Ellen G. White does not parallel Coordinator: Jim Chilson any of the Bible texts, which are often used to condemn homosexuals. Most of the anguish imposed upon God’s children who grow up asBOARD MEMBERS AT LARGE LGBT has its roots in a misunderstanding of what the Bible says.KinNet Coordinator: Floyd Support Kinship PoenitzMember Services: Fred Casey Kinship operates solely on contributions from its members andStrategic Planning: Isis Montalvo friends. Help us reach out to more LGBT Adventists by making aParents, Family & Friends tax-deductible donation to SDA Kinship International. Please send your check or money order to the address below. (You can also donate, using Support: Carrol Grady your Visa or Master Card, by contacting Karen Wetherell atIMRU?: Naveen Jonathan [email protected]. She will phone you so that you can give yourTechnology: Josephine Elizabeth credit card information in a safe manner.)EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE SDA Kinship, PO Box 69, Tillamook, Oregon 97141, call toll-free in the U.S. 866-732-5677 or toll from outside the U.S. 01 (941) 371-7606, orBob Bouchard, Bruce Harlow, visit SDA Kinship’s Web Site at: www.sdakinship.org.Karen Wetherell, Samuel Pang,Marcos Apolonio, Catherine Bob Bouchard [email protected]; Philippines: Jonathan CooTaylor, Jeremy Brown Naveen Johnathan [email protected] [email protected] COORDINATORS‚ United Kingdom & Eire: MichaelUSA AFFILIATED INTERNATIONAL Lewis REGION COORDINATORSRegion 1 (New England) [email protected] Catherine Taylor Australia-New Zealand: Noel [email protected]; Karen Thorpe OTHER COORDINATORS Wetherell [email protected] [email protected] Intersexed: Carolyn Parsons Brazil: Itamar Matos de Souza [email protected] 2 (Mid-Atlantic) Yolanda [email protected] Elliot [email protected] Transgender/Transexual: Sandra Canada: Jerry McKay Hoffecker [email protected] 3 (Southeast) Jon Roberts [email protected] [email protected] Older Adult: Ren Reynolds Central & South America: [email protected] 4 (Midwest) Bruce Harlow Alexander Gomez Pasco [email protected] [email protected] IMRU? (Young Adults</=29): Rubin Lopez; NaveenRegion 5 (Lone Star South) Floyd Europe: Ruud Kieboom Johnathan Poenitz [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] 6 (Mountain Plains) Erin Germany: Roy Raetzer Web Master: Russell McLaughlin Stenhouse [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] 7 (Northwest) Doug Bom [email protected] 8 (No. California, Nevada, Hawaii) Obed Vazquez-Ortiz [email protected] 9 (So. California, Arizona) Marcos Apolonio [email protected]; Taylor Ruhl [email protected];

Journey Jerry McKay – Ontario, Canada That I am a professing Christian is Easter, 1964. The faithful little groupapplauded by some and challenged (founded in fact, by H. M. S. Richardsby others. Gay acquaintances, who Senior) became my spiritual home.have been hurt by organized My Sabbath school class with itsreligion, wonder how I can continue songs, felt board and Primary Treasureto be a Christian. Christians ask me, were a weekly sanctuary from theas a “practicing” homosexual, how I chaos and pain created by my father’scan consider myself a Christian. To drinking.those who take time to listen, here ismy story. With delight, I was baptized on May, 10th 1969. I embraced the I grew up in rural Ontario, thirty Seventh Day Adventist message withmiles from Canada’s capital. My enthusiasm. Sabbath keeping, theparents were not farmers, but my Spirit of Prophecy and health reformfather’s brother had a small farm. I all made sense to me. I was veryspent many summers living at the happy to be a part of a ‘movement’ Ifarm, helping my uncle do the chores believed God had called intoand bring in the hay – using horses! existence. In my 12-year old mind, IAs a child, I lived in a century-old just knew that if everyone did whathouse with no hot running water and God wanted, parents would nota wood furnace that kept us warm in argue, fathers would not drink,winter. The blast from the one large furnace grate in everyone would go to church on Sabbath andthe middle of the room would lift my mother’s skirts everything would be right in the world! Even so,like a parachute. Once I blistered my feet when I everything was not right in my own world. Mystepped onto the hot grate and froze. My first eight father’s drinking was deeply distressing but it wasyears of school were in one-room public schools. I not the only thing threatening my peace.was in elementary school before Bell Canada My sexuality was already awakening. There hadupgraded our home to a “dial” phone! been instances of sexual “exploration” with neighbourhood boys by the time of my baptism. I grew up surrounded by religion. Baptists, Even then, I sensed that our ‘explorations’ did notAnglicans, United Church of Canada, and Jehovah’s mean the same to them as they did for me. DespiteWitnesses were all represented. No one was an my attraction to my male friends, I tried to “thinkAdventist, but Adventism was closer than I realized. about” girls and managed to kiss oneEvery Sunday morning my father listened to The neighbourhood girl. There were no sparks. As oneVoice of Prophecy, usually after a weekend of heavy who was trying to take my relationship with Jesusdrinking. To this day, when I hear “Lift up the seriously, any sexual experimentation was temperedtrumpet and loud let it ring”, I can see my father by my convictions. While the other twelve andsitting in his chair listening to H.M.S. Richards thirteen years old boys played hockey, experimentedSenior as the smell of bacon cooking filled our with cigarettes and alcohol, and learned about thehouse. My mother read Bible stories to me and female anatomy from their father’s magazines, I readhelped me memorize The Lord’s Prayer and the 23rd my Bible and thought about how to give BiblePsalm. On occasion she would sing Jesus Loves Me studies.and Away in a Manger; both of which can still move My avid Bible reading meant I had already comeme to tears. I went to Sunday school at the United across the story of Sodom in Genesis and theChurch, but only during summer. Low attendance prohibitions of Leviticus 22:18. Because I did notduring winter didn’t warrant keeping the old have the background to deal with these texts, norwooden church open then. the courage to talk to anyone about them, I experienced a very private anguish that cut deep into Out of the blue, my mother took my sister and meto the local Adventist church on the day before 3

my spiritual psyche. baptism: seek God in prayer, through an issue of Time I believe my sexual study my Bible and read Spirit of magazine. A tiny picture of two Prophecy. My reading always men holding hands, in an articleorientation, even at that early gravitated to the gospels and about homosexual life inage, was made especially those writings of Ellen White California, touched somethingdifficult for me because of my that focused on the life of Jesus. deep within. Frightened by thewhole-hearted embrace of a In addition to my Bible, a copy intense feelings of isolation andparticular aspect of Christian of The Desire of Ages loneliness that broke into mytheology held in Adventism. My accompanied me everywhere. To consciousness, I responded as Ibehaviour was guided by a the best of my ability I practiced always did. I shoved thosetheology of “intent” – God’s spending a “thoughtful hour feelings down into my growingintent for humanity. My each day in contemplation of the pool of psychological andobservance of Sabbath was life of Christ”. I loved the God I spiritual distress.supported by our belief that God found revealed in Jesus.intended it to be the day of As I approached my final yearworship. I became a vegetarian Except for my blemish, I in theology the pressure to getbecause I believed it was a part believed I was on my way to married grew, but I couldn’t goof God’s original intent. become a “living sacrifice” for there. In fact, the year INaturally, I accepted that God my God. After graduation I graduated, I lost a soul mate Iintended me to be in a moved west to Alberta to begin had known since high school.relationship with a woman. studies in theology at Canadian Had anyone asked me, I would Union College. They were great not have said this woman and I Because I so much wanted to years but my sexual orientation were dating. I know she thoughtplease God, it was profoundly was becoming increasingly hard differently. In our final monthsdistressing to believe there was to ignore. During my high of study, she gently confrontedsomething about me – which I school and college years I made me about where our relationshiphad not chosen – that was out of attempts at dating. While the was going. Because of myharmony with God’s intent. I felt spirit was willing the flesh inability to face the truth, inimperfect – like those sheep and wouldn’t cooperate. what was a hurtful and verygoats that were rejected as Emotionally, psychologically confusing response, I told her Iofferings because of some and physically, I could never didn’t feel for her as she did forblemish in them. I carried this move those relationships toward me. Understandably, our livessecret everywhere: to church anything that resembled a went in different directions.each week, to summer camp heterosexual relationship. The Although she would not knowevery summer and to bed at absence of physical attraction for about my orientation until yearsnight. Nevertheless, by the time the opposite sex, while privately later, there had been red flags.I was fifteen, I knew there was distressing, only heightened my During our six-year friendshiponly one career path for me – the image as a devout Christian we had never been physical –ministry. In 1971, in my second man. I am sure I was an enigma not even a kiss! In fact, the onlyyear of high school, I enrolled at to most of the women who knew time I ever held her hand wasKingsway College in Oshawa, me. while escorting her to anOntario. “approved” social function. It is difficult to explain how I My high school years remain could know on one level that I After graduating in 1980,one of the happiest periods of was attracted to my male friends instead of approachingmy life. I was away from the and yet not be “out” to myself. conferences in Canada for aturmoil at home. I was living at There was nothing about my pastoral internship position, Ithe epicentre of Adventism in world, at Kingsway or Canadian returned to Japan for a third termCanada. Unlike the small but Union College, that was set up as a student missionary. I lovedrowdy rebellious crowd of to help me come to terms with the people, the country and thesecond and third generation my experience. For the church, culture. It was natural that IAdventists, I relished the rules. I even on its campuses, would return to the only place Ididn’t have a problem with the homosexuality and sexual felt I could serve God and avoid‘all boys together on the right orientation didn’t exist. the marriage expectations ofside of church’ seating rule! North America ministers. IDuring those years friendships There were times when I was enjoyed my time in Japan. Goddeveloped that would fill much completely taken off guard by blessed by work there. Even so,of the void in my life. the needs I was always the psychological strain of repressing. I still remember one denial was increasing. In the fall Spiritually, I continued to do experience while glancingwhat I had done since my 4

of 1981, I stumbled across a long, often confusing, but hope In an unexpected change ofcopy of Ministry magazine. The filled. In the summer of 1982, I plans, I decided not to return toblack and white cover picture returned to Canada for what I Japan. I remained in Ottawa andhad the shadow of a cross cast thought would be a short made plans to relocate toover the shattered symbol for sabbatical. I planned to visit Reading. Buoyed up withmasculinity. The large bold title Colin several times, unlock the courage and the belief myread “The H Solution”. I slipped powers that would “change” my “problem” would soon be fixed,the magazine out of the room. sexual orientation and then I came out to my sister, myNo one ever saw it again! return to Japan. mother, and finally, my father. My sister, not surprisingly, took Later that evening, when I Shortly after returning to my announcement in stride. Myknew I was alone, I brought out Canada, I rented a car and drove mother cried but said this wasthat magazine. Instantly, I was to Reading, Pennsylvania. The understandable considering mylost in the details of the 10-page Quest Learning Center office was difficult home life. My father, ainterview of Colin Cook, a on a small mountain at the edge simple non-Adventist man, wasformer Adventist minister who, of the city of Reading. A few certain my homosexuality wasaccording to the interview, had hundred feet below it stood a because I had spent too manyonce been homosexual. The large Japanese pagoda! For me, years in dormitories. Followinginterview discussed the nature of it was a beacon from heaven. Colin’s advice, I “outed” myselfhomosexuality, Mr. Cook’s to a select group of churchtestimony of change and Colin was alone that weekend members who agreed to be asubsequent marriage and the 14 while his wife was out of town. support group. Together westeps of Homosexuals He had cleared all other would listen to his tapes until IAnonymous (H.A.). It engagements in order to moved to Reading.announced that he was the maximize my short visit. Wedirector of Quest Learning connected instantly. At one What should have been aCentre – a ministry devoted to point, while driving through hopeful period quickly becamecounselling people dealing with downtown Reading, Colin intensely confusing. The years ofhomosexuality. I was noticed that my attention had repression began to breakmesmerized by Colin’s drifted toward an attractive man through my defences. At 27,description of how he had on the sidewalk. In a way that instead of being quite secure inovercome his orientation by conveyed understanding, he put my identity, I suddenly didn’tapplying the gospel to his own his hand on my knee and said, know who I was. I was notlife. This, combined with what I “He is a good looking man, prepared for such an identityperceived as his openness, isn’t he?” I felt free to share the crisis. I did not have the meanshonesty and compassion, lead secrets of my heart. to deal with it. In the sevenme to completely entrust myself months prior to moving toto him and his promise of When I went to services with Pennsylvania, I experiencedhealing. Colin that Sabbath, I realized bouts of depression and anxiety. that by entering the church with I felt driven to connect with Within a few days, I had him I was identifying as other gay people. I was starvedwritten Mr Cook. The sense of homosexual. My fears for physical affection andconnection and hope I felt with disappeared as I was introduced affirmation. I was in need ofthe arrival of his first letter was to a host of people who stories; stories of others like me.intense. I ordered his tapes and welcomed me with open arms. I To meet people, I had to venturein secrecy listened to them over cannot emphasize the impact outside the familiar circle ofand over. I even transcribed that weekend had on me. It Adventism. This left me thinkingthem in an attempt to internalize represented everything hopeful I was drifting from myevery word. Over the next few and affirming that I wanted in moorings. My journals are filledmonths we wrote numerous my church: understanding, with confusion and angst. At thetimes. He encouraged me to compassion and a commitment same time, church – and mytake time away from my work to to stand by those in distress. little support group – started torelocate to the United States. I feel foreign and unsafe. It waswas lead to believe that the I left Reading three days later not a place where I could talkhealing I so wanted was filled with hope and trepidation. about my experience. Slowly Ipossible through a proper Hope because everything in the began to believe that the safety Iapplication of the gospel and a world now seemed possible; felt with the people at church inlittle time. trepidation because everything Reading had as much to do with still seemed impossible. The The next six months seemed seven-hour drive back to Ottawa was intensely emotional. 5

what they could understand of honest either. I needed to to him. The attachment Ithe complexity of sexual convince myself, as much as the developed for Colin as a friend,orientation and homosexuality Kinship members, that my confidant and surrogate fatheras with their spirituality. They orientation was changing. My figure led me to fear loosing ourunderstood that my attraction to testimony had more faith than friendship. I, like many peoplethe same sex was not just an fact in it. in similar situations, needed toaddiction which a protect the one who was doing5-day-stop-being-homosexual One outcome of their visit the wrong.plan could fix. The only things was that I went to Kinship’sthat helped me survive those few Kampmeeting as a guest. Still A questionable application ofmonths were the things that had hungry for stories, I listened the gospel was also taking a tollalways kept me grounded: more than I talked. I was in awe on me. The cornerstone ofprayer and scripture. of Colin’s ability to get married. “faith-based” reparative therapy The stories of those who “had is the principle of “claiming I returned to Reading in the been” married were of special heterosexuality by faith”. Thisspring of 1983. During private interest. My visit was faith is rooted in the call andand group counselling sessions informative, but difficult. I tried power inherent in the gospel toI spent hours exploring my to be open, but I was transform lives. The theorypersonal history. My family suspicious. At best, I doubted sounds good but Colin Cook’shistory fit the “cause” model their commitment to their application lacked ethicalperfectly. According to that Christian faith. At worst, I was checks and balances. Whenmodel, my homosexuality was sure they had sold their souls to used on people who feeldue to the “love needs” I had the devil and “gay” theology. compelled, by guilt, shame ornot experienced, as a child, from Nevertheless, I left fear, to change their orientationmy “same-sex parent”. My Kampmeeting having made the result can be disastrous. Theattraction to the same-sex, new friends. They were in a gospel was used to give licensetherefore, was my misguided, different ideological camp but to “experimentation” with thebut sexualized, attempt to fulfil they had gained my respect. opposite sex, often ending inthe “love needs” I had not marriages that should neverreceived from my father. While it Back in Reading, my have been. Because no onewas true that I had virtually had psychological and spiritual wanted to admit that their “faith”no relationship with my father, distress was deepening. was failing to produce thethe model did not account for Everything in my experience was expected results, honesty wasmany other aspects of my pointing to the fact that often compromised andexperience. It seemed to me that “change” was not as straight successes exaggerated. In thethere was a more innate – in my forward or as possible as I had coded language of changebody – experience to my been lead to believe. My “temptation” often meant “myorientation. Despite this reading supported this, the orientation is not changing”. Inunderstanding, my desperation testimonies of Kinship and the brief months I spent at Questto change kept me from Quest members supported this, I saw theological craziness pushquestioning what the “reparative and my own experience people to the breaking point.therapy” models advocated. I supported this. This experience When they failed in theirtried to implement the things I included first-hand knowledge attempt to “change”, they werewas taught, but I was feeling about Colin. For years Colin blamed for not having prayedlost and out of control most of claimed publicly, even in the enough, believed enough,the time. Ministry interview, that he was claimed their heterosexuality by free from homosexuality, except faith enough. To Colin’s credit, About three months into my for “temptations”. I knew I don’t believe he chastisedstay, I had the unexpected differently. While I will not people in this way. It usuallyopportunity to meet a number of recount here what took place came from pastors and familypeople from Seventh-day between Colin and me, the members who wanted to seeAdventist Kinship International. abusive experiences began the change. After only four months,At a carefully arranged meeting, first weekend we met. I left Quest; I told no one why.I and several other Questmembers met with Kinship It would be years before I With no idea of what I wasleaders, at Quest, so that we could explain why I remained going to do with my life, Icould share our successes in the silent and continued to see headed for Toronto. I ended up“change” process. While I did Colin for counselling. I now back in Ottawa. Before I movednot intend to deceive, I was not believe I kept silent because of to Reading, I had become shame, fear, and my attachment 6

friends with Robert. On my my loneliness than “repairing” before moving to Toronto. Godreturn he thought we were my orientation. After only nine was gracious. With only agoing to start a life together. months, in June of 1984, I left degree in Theology to put onI’m not sure what I was Japan for the last time. It was a my resume, I found a job as athinking. Spiritually and discouraging experience. I was mutual funds clerk for one ofpsychologically it was a horrible leaving the one place that had Canada’s largest brokeragetime for me. I became overcome been like home to me. firms. I started an Homosexualsby the fact I had no work and Incredibly, I headed back to Anonymous chapter and lead itcould see no meaningful future. Reading! for two years. Many were helped,One Sunday morning, while but few, if any changed. IRobert was doing laundry, I Before settling in Reading I worked at arms length with acalled the director of the crisscrossed North America “change” ministry in the city. Ilanguage schools in Japan to using up the air-travel pass I had even did a talk-radio programsee if I could return. By the time purchased in Japan. I flew to with the director about reparativeRobert came back from doing Reading to visit Colin, Ottawa to therapy. I attended one morethe laundry, I had decided to see my family, and Seattle to Exodus International Conferencereturn to Japan. I was gone attend an Exodus International in New York State.within a few days. I should not conference. At that conference, Ihave returned to Japan, but it met many “change” ministry I made attempts at dating butwas the only place I felt I could leaders and participants. I I could never turn dating intogo. Confused, lonely and listened to their stories, and the kind of “experimentation” forpsychologically exhausted, I spent more time with Colin. Dr. which I had been encouraged.tried to be the same “perfect” Elizabeth Moberly, the author of Although my attraction to thestudent missionary I had been Homosexuality: A New Christian same-sex was not fading, I wasbefore I found that copy of Ethic, lectured on her ‘updated’ more disillusioned by the factMinistry. I could not. My world Freudian model of “cause”. that my desire for thehad been turned upside down. While it was good to be with opposite-sex was not people who understood my developing. This experience, in I made frequent trips into “problem”, it did not strengthen fact, was more difficult for me toTokyo to connect with other gay my confidence in change. manage spiritually than any ofpeople. I was still trying to make the sexual abuses I hadsense of my experience and my The only reason I can give for experience at Quest.orientation. At the same time, I returning to Reading was that Icontinued “claiming my was a lost soul with no where Once I met with the Torontoheterosexuality by faith”. My else to go. I kept going through Seventh-day Adventist Ministerialjournal is filled with entries the motions of the “reparative” association. I stood beforedescribing experiences that were process. All the change I hoped twenty pastors, and withsupposed to represent “change”. and prayed for was not confidence and mildI wrote about sitting close to happening. As usual, I played embarrassment “outed” myself. Itwomen on the commuter trains down the emotional and was not easy telling theseand “perceiving” that I was more spiritual distress and kept people, some of whom I hadcomfortable than ever with everything inside. Still intent on known in theology classes at“feeling the warmth of her staying the course of “change”, I Canadian Union College, that Ibody” next to mine. My life stayed at Quest for six months was dealing withwas reduced to perceiving,imagining and claiming 7 homosexuality. I think myheterosexuality. I was not story was too personal, tooactually experiencing it in any real, for most of them. In theauthentic way. years that followed, no one contacted me to learn more The previous year I had told about homosexuality or to askthe language school director how I was doing. Thosewhy I was not going to return “homosexual” Adventists whoto Japan. Now that I was back did hear about Homosexualsin that country, I deeply Anonymous did so throughappreciated being able to talk newspaper ads – not from theirto him. Because I did not tell pastors. I can only assume theyhim that spending time with believed there was no need tohim was more about lessening inform church members about the group because there were

no “homosexuals” in their contact with him and watched, to see my sexuality as a gift andcongregations. I stopped from a distance, as his marriage celebrate it. I could onlycontacting Adventist clergy. collapsed. entertain that particular thought for brief periods of time. I was I finally become so One afternoon, when I could not yet able to make thedisillusioned that I stopped no longer focus on my work, I theological shift to believing myfacilitating H.A. My connection escaped to a washroom at work orientation was within God’swith the “change” ministry grew and broke down. Exhausted and “intent”. But I was convincedincreasingly distant. Eventually I alone, I silently confessed to The there might be a solution. Thistold the director I was pulling One I had trusted from conundrum was so challengingaway because I could not childhood that I was about to that when I was diagnosed withcontinue with integrity. I am not stop trying to change my cancer, I told someone thatsure if she was more displeased orientation. I had no idea what having cancer was easier to dealor disappointed. We never spoke that would mean. I could not with than my sexual orientation.again. promise I would be celibate or that I would not enter into a During one particularly Around that time Kinship held relationship. In every way, this difficult period I again broughtKampmeeting just north of was my crisis of faith. my situation to God. I wasToronto. Having maintained reading 1 Samuel at the timecontact with Ron Lawson over At the same time, I decided to and had reached chapter eleven.the years, I decided to drop in continue those things that had Much of the story to that point isfor a visit. While I enjoyed sustained my faith over the years: about Israel’s desire to have aseeing some old acquaintances, reading scripture, praying, and king. Being familiar with theit was also an odd visit. The last finding fellowship with other story, I was not surprised thatday of my visit, during a Christians. I was not going to Israel’s request was not receivedKinship-members-only session, I abandon God because my well, but I was struck by theroamed the grounds feeling orientation had not changed. intensity of the language.oddly abandoned. I discreetly God would have to abandon Samuel, acting as God’skept away from where the me. spokesperson, called their desirediscussion was taking place. “a great wickedness”. I couldAfter Kampmeeting, I Except for one or two friends relate to that! Yet, what did Godunderstood why. At that who helped maintain a sense of say? God said they could have ameeting, Kinship leaders were family, I would have stopped king! This was not what Godinforming members of the, soon attending the Adventist church “intended” for Israel but rightto be released, damming altogether. For the next few years there in scripture, God isevidence of Colin’s sexual abuse MCC Christos, the smaller sister recorded as saying okay toof his clients. A short time later congregation of Toronto’s something God had notQuest Learning Center was Metropolitan Community “intended”. I could not argueclosed down. Church, became my spiritual with what God was showing home. They supported me as I me, but I didn’t know what to I was livid with Kinship and learned to manage the day to do with it.with Ron, who had prepared the day realities of being more openreport. I was conflicted about my with my homosexuality. Most This verse did not speak to merelationship with Colin but I had significantly, I was not as deeply as verses twentymaintained contact with him forbidden to share my gifts or through twenty-four. Speakingand was protective of him. In my use my talents at church because to the people, Samuel pleadsdesperation to believe that I may or may not be a that they – their king included –change was possible, I was “practicing” homosexual. not abandon God. I was readingblind to the hypocrisy and the The New American Standard atdamage occurring to others and When I told Seventh-day the time, and the word thatto me. Over the years, Ron had Adventists about my decision, grabbed my attention wastactfully asked me about my many reminded me of what “the futility. Israel was encouraged –experience with Colin, but I Bible said” about commanded – not to abandonshared nothing. I had become homosexuality. They acted as if I God because that would beso accustomed to speaking in had never given much thought futility. In turn, God promisedcoded language that I could not to those texts. Others cautioned not to abandon them. I felt asspeak truthfully. I was afraid of that, although God is though the story had beenwhat the truth might mean. I compassionate, God is preserved for me at that time intried to remain supportive of uncompromising and does not my life. The story also spoke toColin but, in time, I broke off all make exceptions. My gay Christian friends encouraged me 8

me through the contrasts. Unlike about supporting situational make an attempt to understandIsrael, I had never begged God ethics or God being permissive this subject while others expressto “give” me a homosexual with respect to sin. It is about no interest. Because I don’t haveorientation; quite the opposite. what is at the heart of God’s a pink triangle stamped on myWhile Israel didn’t seem to bat ‘greater’ intention for the entire forehead, I am often like the flyan eye at the fact that their desire creation – relationship. Without on the wall that hearswas regarded “a great a healthy, solid relationship, “everything”. It often takeswickedness”; I had always felt based on a correct everything I have to remainmy orientation was a great understanding of God’s attitude polite knowing all that I dowickedness – a blemish to be cut toward me, there would be little about “change”, reparativeout. This was a pivotal moment to build on. I could do all the therapy and the churches historyfor me. I felt as though I was right things for all of the wrong with its homosexual members.being shown an example I reasons. On occasion, I am a reluctantcould relate to, and more activist.importantly, a Biblical example I had long since settled intoby which God could get my the belief that God was for me I still have moments when theattention so that I could hear I and not against me. All of God’s loss of my dream to be aneeded to hear. prohibitions and commands minister casts a shadow across were given for me – not me for my day, but God has shown me The studies I had read, them. My best interest was at the other ways to bring light intoproving and disproving a heart of God’s “intentions”. the world. When the debate overgenetic or environmental cause There was a reason and a “reparative therapy” surfaces andfor homosexuality, did not get purpose in everything. While difficult memories well up, 1to the heart of what I needed. I God might approve of tithing Samuel 12 comes to mind, andneeded more than a biological mint and dill leaves there were peace returns. Speaking only foranswer or a proof-text answer. I weightier matters on which to myself, I am convinced thatneeded a relational answer. I had focus: truth, mercy and justice. If God’s greater “intent”, foroften been frustrated by the I became heterosexual but could everyone, is to be in relationshipsuggestion that homosexuality not love, I was nothing. with Him, because, all else iswas just a temptation and that I futility.was treating it lightly. While I First Samuel 12 was my !knew that was not true, I was not turning point. From thatsure how God would relate “to moment on, in the late 80’s, I The very least you can do inme” even if, as I still believed, started to approach my your life is to figure out whatmy orientation was not what orientation differently. Slowly I you hope for. And the most youGod intended. Now I had an started living more openly as a can do is live inside that hope.example of how God might gay man. I opened myself up to Not admire it from a distancebalance “intention” and the the “gifts” associated with my but live right in it, under its roof.realities of the human orientation. I moved to Ottawa –Barbara Kingsolverexperience. to continue my education. The friendship Robert and I had Of all the “theological” developed years earlier became acounsel I was given, the relationship. For 15 years wesuggestion that God is have enjoyed the blessings of“uncompromising” did not ring companionship and thetrue. It was the unreasonable, challenges of bringing two livescompassionless, and arbitrary together. I still identify aspicture of God that didn’t sit Seventh-day Adventist andright with me. Ironically, the “practice” my faith. I dostory in 1st Samuel confirmed whatever it takes to resist thosethe great sweeping perspectives forces – from the world and theabout God, sin and salvation I church – that would have mebelieved were at the heart of abandon God. In turn, God hasAdventist theology. Salvation is not abandoned me.as much, or more, aboutrestoring my relationship with While many are supportiveGod than about God’s and would welcome mypunishing and destroying. contributions to the life of the church, others prefer that I just I don’t believe this story is sit in the pew. Most people 9

The Royal Love Song Joseph Alexander - Canada Okay, I guess I’ve got to say it out loud: As a Determined that this lesson would be different I“not completely out” gay man it can be challenging decided to challenge the congregation with threeto live with humour and integrity as a faithful Biblical ideals of sex and sexuality as a beginningmember within the Seventh-day Adventist Church. point of reference for the discussion. I quoted theLike any other invisible minority living in the midst following texts: Genesis 2: 18, 23, 24 - The LORDof the comfortable majority, there will be moments God said, \"It is not good for the man to be alone. Iof . . . . Well, there will be moments. will make a helper suitable for him. . . . And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my Take for example the week I was asked to teach flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she wasthe Adult Sabbath School Lesson during Visitors taken out of Man. 24Therefore shall a man leave hisSabbath. My congregation anticipated that we father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife:would have many visitors in attendance. Rather than and they shall be one flesh.\"break into our usual four classes, someone thoughtit would be more prudent to have all the adults share Ideal No. 1: It is God’s ideal that we all should beone large class in the sanctuary. They asked this married.very welcoming, well known “Son of the Church” toteach the lesson. I imagine our congregational Genesis 1:28 - And God blessed them, and God saidleadership thought I could most easily help our unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenishvisitors to be comfortable with our local weekly the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion overritual. the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Now I’m a bright guy. You might have thoughtthat I could smell a rat or at least sense that I was Ideal No. 2: It is God’s ideal that all couples shouldbeing set up to manage a delicate situation. Turns have plenty ofout the Sabbath lesson in question was titled: The children.Royal Love Song: A Study of the Song of Solomon.The week at a glance statement said it all: With an 1 Corinthians 7:4, 5 - The wife's body does notopenness some might find shocking, the Song of belong to her alone but also to her husband. In theSolomon explores the beauty of sexual love within same way, the husband's body does not belong tomarriage. (you can find the lesson at him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive eachhttp://ssnet.org/qrtrly/eng/06a/less07.html) other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then Two weeks in advance of the study, I opened my come together again so that Satan will not temptquarterly to review the lesson I had committed to you because of your lack of self-control.teach. Imagine my shock. My leadership had askedthis divorced, single parent of two, closeted gay guy Ideal No. 3: It is God’s ideal that all couplesto lead the congregation in a study of “sexual love should continue to be as sexually active throughoutwithin marriage.” How ironic. After some laughs their marriage as they were at the beginning of it.and much prayer I decided that if the Lord hadchosen this adventure for me, I would need to find a Though I’ll admit to stretching the ideals,way to do it honestly. making these bold statements certainly got the lesson discussion going. Hands were up all over Long before coming to terms with my the sanctuary. In a very measured and sympathetic“non-straight status”, I had always been way I listened to each speaker as they began touncomfortable with the way many Seventh-day justify how their lifestyle, though not strictlyAdventists treated issues of sex and sexuality. When following the ideals, were still honourable andthe topic came up, long married persons often used valuable to God. As if being convinced I strokedthe opportunity to speak judgmentally about the my chin and replied to each one something likepractices of young people and the growing this: “So you’re saying that although you’re singleacceptance of sexual deviance (lump into this and not following God’s ideal proscription for yourcategory anything that doesn’t involve sex in the life, you believe you are able to use your singlemissionary position between married heterosexual status to the glory of God and you are able to be acouples). 10

blessing to others?” When the Taking Caremember would reply in theaffirmative, I’d nod agreement. Busionf ess:“Okay, I’ll accept that.” In turn Iacquiesced to the childless and Notes from the March SDA Kinship International Board Meetingto the less sexually active. Eachtime I pointed out to the * We are continuing to develop Continued on page 12…speakers that, though they our new web site. Westrayed from the ideal, their appreciate the work Russ didstatus and sexual expression was as our transition web masterstill honourable and acceptable and are also appreciative thatto God. Linda Wright has chosen share her skills for the next After the tension caused by steps. Floyd will be the liaisonmy initial pronouncements between the Board and oursubsided, I pulled in the net. Webmaster.“Okay class, now as we begin toexplore the text of the Song of * Based in the leaflet distributedSolomon, and begin to discuss by Carrol, Floyd and Mikethe sexual practices of our during the prayer conference,young people and others, let us we are editing and printing aremember that even those who pamphlet aboutare not following the ideal path Homosexuality that will beof sexual expression and easy to distribute.relationships can be acceptableto God. Let us proceed in a * Kampmeeting 2007 in Sanspirit of tolerance and Francisco has most of itsacceptance.” workshops, speakers and special guests scheduled. The congregation went silent, Many thanks to Naveenrealizing in that moment that I Jonathan, Elenahad led them into a trap. The Thomas-Blough, and therest of the lesson proceeded with Kampmeeting Supportmuch discussion, some of it very Committee from Region Eightanimated and descriptive, and a who have done so much workgood time was had by all. There to make this a wonderfulwere no disparaging comments event.about “young people thesedays”, divorcees, or other “sexual * European Kinship Meeting 6variants”. has been scheduled for Paris. During that time there will beJoseph Alexander is the nom de a mini Coordinatorsplume of the author because he discussion with the Regionalis still in the process of coming Leaders who will be in France.out to members of his faithcommunity. Joseph is a clinical, * Australian Kampmeeting isforensic social work practitioner scheduled for the lastwho has worked extensively with weekend in September.children and families in a range ofcommunity and forensic settings.He has served the church at thecongregational, conference,union and division levels as alayman and volunteer. He is alsothe very active single parent oftwo.! 11

* There are now two US Mini * Because of the high volume of Kampmeetings happening on work coming to our volunteer a yearly basis. office coordinator, we voted to hire Mike Richhart as an* We are planning another administrative consultant regional Coordinators under the direction of Fred evaluation and planning Casey. meeting over Labor Day Weekend. The Glendale City * In order to strengthen our Church has been kind Kampmeeting site planning enough to host us. We are process the board asked Jim working on planning a Chilson to become a member conference call for at large who researches coordinators in the next venues. He has spent many couple of months and will hours doing this over the last have a leadership training at few years. Kampmeeting in San Fransico. * The Nominating Committee is* We spent a brain storming working to insure that every session with IMRU? elected board position will leadership discussing ways to have at least one Kinship build and strengthen the member running for office. program. Foci included: Where can we be supports? * A formal vote made IMRU? an What are the needs and issues elected position on the Board that IMRU? members of SDA Kinship International. prioritize? What are the ways Like the Women’s caucus, Kinship at large can be a IMRU? members will elect support? What are the ways their own representative. we can work with or provide supports to members who are ! in college? How does Kinship create an atmosphere that will help IMRU? members become more involved with the larger Kinship organization? 12

Kampmeeting San Francisco!! Sabbath, July 28, we will be entered into a raffle for a 500.00 2.25”) $40, 1/4 page (3.75” xcelebrating the Gift of Our discount on next year’s 4.5”) $75, 1/2 page (4.5” x 6.5”)Families. Please invite your Kampmeeting. The online $140, Full page (6.5” x 9”)supportive family members and registration form has been $260. For the page ads, you mayfriends to join us for the entire updated. It can be accessed at submit camera-ready copyday, including meals, at no the Kinship website (see below). electronically or you may takecharge! We want to recognize You can download and print out advantage of our professionalthose who have been with us on a PDF version of the registration design services for an additionalour journey. Carrol Grady, of form. Or, of course, you can use fee of $25. Deadline forSDA-FFLAG, invites all relatives the printed form that is included donations and business cards orto join her during our in this issue of the Connection. ad copy is June 1, 2007.celebration breakfast feast. A For updated information onspecial recognition of our guest events, speakers and workshops Mail your check or credit cardfamilies will be part of the you can access the Kinship information and your businessSabbath School Musical website. card or ad layout to: SDAProgram. Carrol will facilitate a Kinship International, Karenquestion and discussion time for We are excited to announce a Wetherell, 90 Putnam Roadfamily members in the new opportunity for our Kinship Springfield, VT 05156 Submitafternoon. You can register your family to network with each your electronic business card orguests for Sabbath by other during the week of ad layout to:completing a Family Day Kampmeeting—whether or not [email protected] Form on the Kinship you are in attendance! Wewebsite. If they would like to would like to offer Kinship Who knows—someday weparticipate in the music for the members who are professionals, just may have our own KinshipSabbath morning services, who have their own businesses Yellow Pages!please include this information that offer products or services !on the Family Day Registration and gay supportiveForm. If they plan to stay organizations the opportunity toovernight in the Sheraton, they place your business card in themust complete a Kampmeeting program booklet. For aregistration form in order to minimum donation of $25 andreceive the same room rates as your 2” x 3.5” business card, weKinship members. If they will be will find a special place toflying into San Francisco announce your work in theInternational Airport, they will Kampmeeting program booklet.also qualify for the United All reproductions of cards willAirlines/Lufthansa flight be in black and white. If youdiscount. would like, you can also purchase space in the program May 1 is the deadline for early for larger ads. Ad sizes in theregistration. If you have paid in 8.5” x 11” booklet are offered asfull by that time you will be follows: 1/8 page (3.75” xFamily Day registration - http://sdakinship.org/Kampmeeting2007-family_day_registrationform.pdfKampmeeting registration - http://sdakinship.org/km07registration.htmKampmeeting program - http://sdakinship.org/kampmeeting2007.htm 13

Kinship NewsSomeone To Talk To – area. Of course, there were also our faces and in our muscles.Carrol Grady some who wanted to straighten We see its shadow moving us out. Mike came up with the across our childhood friends. The estimated 60,000 idea of handing them a Bible What if we saw no passage ofattendees at the “Just Claim It!” and asking them to show us time? Then I suspect thereinternational youth prayer where the Bible condemns would be many areas in whichconference, in Dallas on homosexuality. They were all at we wouldn't grow; our spiritFebruary 28 to March 3, were a loss for where to find it, so we would remain adolescent.startled to see an exhibit dealing would help them find the textswith homosexuality. The and then explain a different way I would also like to share a“Someone to Talk to” booth had of reading them. We probably site I have found for: A Biblicalan excellent location near the didn’t convince them, but at Defense Guide For Lesbians andentrance to the exhibit hall and least they had an alternative to Gays and Those Who Loveacross from the very popular consider. A number of church Them. It isUnion College climbing wall. leaders stopped to talk and http://www.trafford.com/4dcgi/Fantastic team members, Floyd showed an attitude of supportPoenitz and Mike Richhart, and appreciation. All in all, we view-item?item=10043provided invaluable help in felt it was a very worthwhile !setting up the booth, copying project.handouts, and coming up with Is It?many creative ideas. We had two Uganda – Joseph Browncomputer screens, one running James Reindollarthe “Open Heart, Open Hand” A Kinship member who Pennsylvania USADVD and the other running a would like to remainPowerPoint show created by anonymous donated $4,000 to I, like many of you, haveFloyd that attracted a lot of our orphanage. We have used wondered if God has really everinterest. Handouts included the funds to buy shoes, spoken to me. Sometimes I feelHave You Walked in Their uniforms, bed sheets and confident He has, other times IShoes? a booklet of stories; blankets. We are very grateful to wonder if I merely heard what IChristians Look at the people who helped make wanted to hear. I am sure of oneHomosexuality, a collection of this possible. exception. God changed my lifesupportive articles by various saying two sentences, whichreligious leaders, reports of some Older Kinship Adults – Ren combined, come to six words inrecent research into the Reynolds English, none of which containbiological evidence for more than three letters.homosexuality, a suggested Marge Doyle and I presentedreading list, and a sheet listing a workshop on aging during While walking in the country,some of the detrimental results Kampmeeting 1984. I had talking with my Lord, agonizingof the church ignoring the issue gathered material from more over something I deemedof homosexuality. Floyd also than fifteen sources. Each cool, important, I prayed for God’smade up a small leaflet to hand clear morning we looked up revelation. I didn't expect theout to everyone who passed by. from our Quaker Kampground in words that filled my head. \"Jim,In addition, we had a nightly Colorado to see Pikes Peak you are gay.\" Part of medrawing for a choice of the DVD looming above us. I found it screamed out, No, I can't beor my book, Beloved Stranger remarkable to think of Pike’s gay. Another part of me quietly Peak as aging. We learned a few said, I know. I have always Quite a few people told us fine truths from Hugh Prather’s known. For as long as I canhow happily surprised they were clarifying and often humorousto see someone providing this thought. Here is one from hisministry and shared hopes that book Notes on Love andthe church will do more in this Courage: Time is recorded on 14

remember I have always been The Journal of the Seventh-Day Adventist Kinship International, Inc.attracted to men. As I got older Itold myself that it can't be, it is a Editor: Catherine Taylor The mention or appearance ofthought put there by the devil. I Circulation: Fred Casey any names, organizations, orhave always been told that European Editor: Ruud Kielboom photographs in this publicationbeing gay is a sin. I decided to Photography: Karen Wetherell is not meant to imply a fact orremind the Lord of this. Production: Ted Compton statement about sexual Printing: Doolittle's PrintServe orientation or activity. He answered. Sort of.Evidently God has retained some The Connection is published Subscription requests orof His Jewish customs, because by Seventh-day Adventist Kinship address changes may be sent to:He didn't say to me, \"I know it's International, Inc. Principal Sublscriptions, P.O. Box 49375,a sin. You need to let me do a office: Box 69, Tillamook, Sarasota, FL 34230-6375, or callwork in you.\" He didn't say, Oregon 97141, 886-732-5677. toll free from inside the U.S. at\"Who told you it was a sin? Me, Submissions are welcome and 866-732-5677 or toll from outsideor someone else?\" He didn't say, may be directed to the editor at the U.S. at 01-941-371-7606, or\"I love gay and lesbian people. [email protected] email [email protected]. TheMy Kingdom was made for them or mailed to the principle office Kinship mailing list isas well. Some disturbed people address above. Include your confidential and used only byhave claimed in My name that name as you want it published, Kinship officers. The mailing listanyone different from them must address and telephone number. If is not sold, rented, or exchangednot be a Christian.\" Instead, He an item is to be acknowledged or for any purpose.replied to my reaction \"I know returned please include ait's a sin!\" with, \"Is it?\" That self-addressed stamped envelope. © 2007 Connection. All rightsstopped me. Some Connection contributors reserved. Reproduction in whole have chosen to remain or in part without permission is Is it? Those four letters have anonymous or use pseudonyms. prohibited. OPINIONSbegun an investigation. Thanks EXPRESSED HEREIN ARE NOTto careful study of scripture, SDA The Connection reserves the NECESSARILY THOSE OF SDAKinship, and the amazing stories right to edit manuscripts for KINSHIP INTERNATIONAL.of others, I am forever learning. I length, syntax, grammar, andpray soon to start a ministry to clarity. Member of the Gay and Lesbianreach out to gays and lesbians Press Association.who have been led to believethat God doesn't love them. Iwant to “church the church”; theothers, with their preconceivednotions who have led an attackon God's children. I want to letothers know that being gay orlesbian is a special gift given toonly a few here on earth. Wehave been entrusted with aunique kind of love; let us notlet the Father down. I thank theLord for knowing me better thanI know myself. Thank you toSDA Kinship and IMRU? forletting me know for sure that Iwas not alone. God bless.!Whenever you see darkness,there is extraordinary opportunityfor the light to burn brighter.–Bono 15

(Page left blank intentionally, for financial statement). 16