SDA Kinship - CONNECTION - January, 1995

gONNf,STION Eth o IOS:

,C N:. ,ffigT{ON Who we are III cludes well o\\e: a :h.-sa:c ceople in 16 i:, anua{y,,19?5r..-Y01, 19,:No..,l Seventh-day Adventist Kinship Inter- countries. national, Inc. is a support group which ., .., CO,I{NAgnOIIlSfuff '.,- ministers to the spiritual, emotional, so- Kinship operares scielr on contribu- cial, and physical well being ofSeventh- tions from its members anci rriends. :-, .... ,,,: day Adventist lesbians, gay men, bisexu- als, and their families and friends. SDA Kinship beiieves the Bibie does Edil.or: Andrew Strong SDA Kinship facilitates and promotes not condemn, or even mention. homosexu- Associare Editor: Peter F. Mueller the understanding and affirmation of ho- mosexual and bisexual Adventists among ality as a sexual orientation. Ellen G. Conhibuiori: im'tsell,iKevin,, fotd,, White does not parallel an1.of the Bible ' t\"ar,ry. i;Ilailock;, Iteiff ,lohrrro*r :Ron:. themselves and within the Seventh-day texts, which are often used to condemn Adventist community through education, homosexuals, to homosexualiq,-. Most of Lawson, Mike McLaughtrn,DaviA Rodgers advocacy. and reconci liation. the anguish imposed upon God's children Kinship Board Founded jn I 976. rhe organization was who grou,up gav or lesbian has irs r::--s :--. President: Darin Olson incorporated in 1 98 1 and has a board of 1 : a misunderstanding o: u la:::.: B.:.: r.-. . : Viee Fres.identiJackie;:summerron , ,,,: :.. offrcers and I 0 regionai coordinators. The Sers:',i,-::. .1:.:::.:: r.-.i.-.: . : ,Secretary: Jeff Firestone current list of members and liiends in- Treasurer: Mike Mclaughlin C0IIINECTIOI{ Editor: Andrew Strong :, ?65liej&eldo*:rnirnBallii Church Liaison: Ron Lawson Womyn's Coordinalor: Jill Fooshee Support Kinship! :ri ,argg ,,Kamp :95 Coordinator: David Rodgers ]' r.: ..::::;]11[gm!g15ri{; SCholarship Research. Fund-raising, and Kinship depends on vou. Kinship is supported soiely by contributions. Heip us reach oui ro more ga\\-Adventists by reommuilitySuildingi,t<atidrcnrian , : making a tax-deductible donation to SDA Kinship International. Please send your check or monev order to the address below. Spanish World Outreach: Jarnes-,O\\3radv , Business Support: Sheni Babcock -IdM DsMiflistiirJdfuiiltcGee,: .: Spiritual Advisor: Kay Clal,ton Crowth and Developmenr: David Velez Support Staff Office Support: Hal Jobe SDA Kinship, P.O Box 7320 na Niguel, CA 92677, (714) 248-1299 -Gampu! OukeachriDavid.Rodgerl,,,:.. .::, Inlormational Services: John Wieland (7t41u8-1299. TDD (509) s25-0202 Hotline:'800-+GAY-SDA COxilECTIot{ is published Gn time a yer by Swa1h- Regional Coordinators 'day dd_vartisr &nsllp::lrteirutionel, rlnc=Prircfpal office: P.O. Box 7J20, I-agum Niguel, CA g\\6't7. (71,4) 248-1299. IiS, 3'ubssiptioro1reig2s ior/tq :,: issuss. and $li for additioffil subscriptiof,s. Foreign ubscriptions are $40. :,'. Submi$siotrs.i)f,,iettos; a*okqlpiotrires;t,m-ud,., graphics ae welcore lncludeyour meas you mnt it published, addr6s. ild rrlephone numb€r. Ifu item is !o,.b€ rcknow.ledg€d or:,,:rstunE4tlil* itrclude,a .: self-addresred, stamped envelope. S(trOOImCTrOil Regron I Peter Mueller (413) 773-0484 contributors have chosen to rmair anonvmous. ?reudonyms from this issue appar at the bottom of this page. The OOflflEgflOtt rewes rhe right ro edil muusclipa for lugtlrjiryntax,, grammrr:*nd.clrity_,-: -Address allrubmisrisns to,.thecormtcf,toll p,O. Box ,t68. Lebmon. IJ- 62254 or fM lOte; S:Z-tlt t ., Ardrew Suoog. The metrrion or appearance,of 8ny namer, .orAE itstios, oi^phqtogmphs:in this publicatioaisnot -:mealt':tolimply a:,&ct !r statfftqt aboutrtheir,:rerual oiieroation or activiry- : Subiifi.ptiunlequssti'o arldriss chriages mu*::tb :. snt to SribsoiptioDs, P.O. Box 7120. Lagua Niguel, c,\\' 9267n;fftl1)'248\"1299..TheKiuhiprailtusIisr. is:oonfidoiialioduia onli by,r(i6hipofirerc.,.ifhe' mailing list is not rcld, rented, or *chargrd for uy purpose. OI994 COXTTECfIOI, ALL ruG}TTS RESER\\ED 'ROW.PEITTPIM{ROOOUNDTSU;C:-;PT.)EI(OPRRNMEISISNSS:EIWODNH:EOEIL.SPE.G:.?OIRNROAIHIRNIEB,I,?TNEAODRT:T',::'''' Region 2 Heidi Johson (301) 946-0295 NEC:eSSaRry. rmrosEii:of S]D1A..:KINSHIF. Region 3 11 Eric Marm (4A4) 633-8441 CONNECTION IS AR-EGISTERED TRADEMARK OT SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST XINSHIP IbIC, ,I@RRYIOERISTMAS, : :::. :AND A HAPPY NEW \\TAR .. Region 4 Philip Sager (312) 549-3889 Aeitcr ol thia Cay ana'[email protected] }$@i4ri*. : @ *\"tr*,r,n. on looz. mryc.tablc prper. IEuddh\\ Regron 5 Floyd Poerutz (214) 701-1791 Mtr. trkt. 06!td Ae! tin &lt. I c cruL lhld lr.cre Nri. Cuna b,. M.& Drvid RdBd. ffi,SMg CONNECTION . Januarv 1995

Some news froin Peter over the \"News and gossip\" section of the CONNECTION. Several mem- As you all should have been coming out of the closet years bers have become inflamed about aware, December 1 was Worid ago, we have chosen, whenever half-true news, disguised as humor, AIDS Day. This year was the possibie, not to live in a life of that have appeared in this section. first one that I did not take part in closets. Being HlV-positive is Several others have asked that we some \"official\" activity related no different. lt is part of who I remove the \"gossip\" part out of the heading. to this day. Instead, I took part in am, and something that I have no In response to these discussions, a more private way. As fate intention of hiding. I was not a potential set of guideiines for Kil- would have it, December 1 was surprised by the test results. ship publications will be presented the day I would get the results Many of you know that my late at the January board meeting. If any husband, Wil, died of AIDS-re- from my latest AIDS test. My lated complications two and a members have concerns about what halfyears ago. test came back positive. appears in the CONNECTION, the -Peter Mueller I wanted to share this with \"News and gossip\" section or the and avoid all \"rumors.\" Others re- guidelines, piease mail them to ei- the Kinship family at once. Since sponded saying a good way to catch ther the Kinship office at: P.O. Box all the newest \"gossip\" is to giance 7 320, LagunaNiguel, CA 9267'7, or Kinship board will meet the CONNECTION at: P.O. Box 68, Lebanon, IL 62254 before Januan, Jan.27 weekend 20. Your concerns will be includrre in the discussion. Reminder: Kinship's biannual Attend your 1995 board meeting will be held during family reunion the January 27 weekend in Paim Kampmeeting '95 will be a famiiy Springs, California. Board mem- reunion. And like other family reunions, bers and regional coordinators will present updates on their Kinship ac- there will be people who have been there tivities and projects. Members before. Spouses (both old and new). New family members. Friends of the family. interested in more information about Family members you've never met. the board meeting may contact Many familiar faces. Kinship's offrce at (714) 248-1299. We will have lots of \"family\" activities. Region 8 needs Discussions. Speakers. Social time. volunteers Play time. Gossip time. Good food. Volunteer hosts are needed to Good accorlmodations. Good weather. sponsor Kinship functions in Region 8. Mike Wheeler, the regional coor- Good times. dinator, asks that Kinship members Tell your boss today you must attend a who reside within the region piease contact (612) 225-1 1 67 . family reunion on Augu st 20-27 , 1995 , and we'll see you at Kampmeeting '95. The'News and gossip' section scandals There has been a certain amount of controversy over what is pub- lished in the \"News and gossip\" section of the CONNECTION. Some members say that we should only print the honest-to-goodness facts January, 1995 . CONNECTION

Kinship i s advertl$,. d everywhere An open letter from the Kinship's public relations director, Jim Bell Dear members, I am happy to be writing the first of a sporadic few coiumns that will be published in the CONNECTIOII ciuli; this year. I have good news, members and friends! Reports from regional coordinators indicate that Krnsnip is grou'ur Exact numbers have not yet been tabulated, but I will be sure to let you knou' in m), nexr repon the number of new members in reach region. I would like to thank all of the regional coordilators who completed the public relations sunev and u.ho have kept in contact with me regarding public reiations in their region. Now let's get down to business. One hundred and eighty nerv ads have been placed from coasr to coast in North America in both gay and lesbian rags and communiq,newspapers. Look for these ads under community listings and/or organizations in your iocal gay rag. Twenty-five of these ads were piaced in lesbian periodicals. (Kinship womyn, I need to hear from you.) A11 of these 180 ads were piaced free of charge. Paid ads have been placed in six national magazines, including The Advocate, Gerue, Out and three iesbian periodicals, Lesbian News, Lesbian Connection and Fojourner Womyns Forum. For a complete list of the 180 ad placements please contact me at the address below. In September, more than 150 press releases (see CONNECTION Vol. 18, No. 9) were mailed out to newspaper across North America. Due to the difficulty of following up and frnding out how many of these press releases were printed, I would be pleased if you would let me know if the press reiease was published in your newspaper. Press releases also were sent out to some SDA institutions, conferences and publications. By the time you read this, I will have piaced at ieast one paid advertisement in each region. The publication will be of the regional coordinator's choice. One of my goals as P.R. Director is to get Kinship involved on one of the many talk shows. (Our president's favorite is \"Oprah.\") I have contacted, both by teiephone and mail, the following talk show hosts: Oprah Winfrey, Montel Williams, Ricki Lake, Phil Donahue, Geraldo, Jerry Springer and Susan Powter. I have not received any responses yet. SDA Kinship posters are now available to you, upon request, with your region's specific address. If you would like to pin a few up in your area. just give me a call or write to me and I will make sure that you get some. Some of the projects that I will be working on shortly will include outreach to foreign counffies, womlms' outreach, African-American outreach and Hispanic outreach. I currently am working on another press release. Finally, I would like to say thank you to all of you who have supported me in my commitment as public relations director. A special \"thank-you\" to Darin Olson and Mike Mclaughlin for making me feel comfortabie in my new board position, to Judy Sullivan for all of her hard work and dedication (God bless her) and to Kinship's board of directors for believing in me. If you have any ideas, suggestions or would like to help out with public relations, piease feel free to write me at P.O. Box 82578, 5 Points Mali Postal Outlet, Oshawa, Ontario, Canada LIG 7W7, or call (905) 432-2867. Happy New Year to all, \\r tYJT'\\Al\"/\\/' Jim Bell Director, SDA Kinship Public Reiations .CONNECTION January 1995

PeteTThis page is for Along with this new year come more changes for the And that's what Peter has provided us through the CONNECTION. Peter Mueller and Our Lady of Oshawa, Our Lady of Oshawa column during the iast year and a both one and the sam6, wili not appear as prominentiy in our newsietter. As Peter announced on page three of this half. We've chuckled, laughed and nodded our heads, CONNECTION, he has learned that he is HlV-positive. This agreeing that dogs without bladder control shouldn,t be allowed near expensive furnishings, agreeing that the has forced him to make several decisions, which include direction toilet paper should roll is dictated b-v scientific leaving his position as associate editor of the CONNEC- equations (or cats), and agreeing that the purchase of subliminal \"Learn to Cook\" CDs from the Gay as a Goose TION and moving back to Oshawa in Canada. This Gourmet was the best cure for the \"Goddess rn Califor- nia\" whose lover burnt even,meal. month's Our Lady of Oshawa column will be his last. I have really appreciated Peter's heip with the GONNEC- Peter tackled questions about religion. love and pesky SDA Church presidenrs. Where else but through TION, and the rest of this page is devoted entirely to him. Our Lady of Oshawa would we hear about troubled gays who drive old station wagons with Barney eight-tracks, Peter began writing for the CONNEGTTON immedi- yardsailing or giitter bombs? Only Our Lady had that ately after the Madison Kampmeeting, 7993. That extra slice of knowledge, gleaned from attending hnish- ing school and the advice columnists' guild. surrmer at Madison I began serving as editor of this Peter aiso wrote serious articies for the CONNECTION. newsletter. and it also was at Madison where I met Peter, who cheerfully volunteered his time to a monthly col- He chose the Kinship family as the first peopie with umn. whom he'd share his private journal that he kept while As readers will recall, Peter's initial Our Lady of attending Colin Cook's ex-gay ministry, the Quest Learn- ing Center. Peter shared the abuse he experienced b1, Oshawa column was met with varymg degrees of delight and shock. A photograph of Peter, who mischievously Cook. He shared his shock at being molested: his disappointment in not being cured: and his anger and sported a bionde wig, moustache and beads, was featured bittemess toward a God who would allou,His minister do prominently, at the top of the page, adding to readers' such unwelcome acts on a stmggirng 16-year-old. delight or shock. (Ifyou missed the photo, you can see it on page 15 of this issue.) The negative feedback didn't Peter solicited articles for publication in the CONNEC- TION, and he submitted numerous news briefs, project begin to flood in until after I erroneousiy published a reports and Kinship Canada updates. private letter from Peter in the CONNECTION. Peter had Peter and his talents will be missed by me and, no used his wicked \"Our Lad1,\" humor to empathize with a doubt, everyone who has read the CoNNECTI0N. With the knowiedge that this is the last month that Peter and his liule situation I was in, and Kinship members were monthly column are in the CONNECTION, I already feel outraged with its contents. that a part of me is gone. The CONNECTION received so many letters about Our Lady of Oshawa that we filied three pages in the Febru- Peter can now be reached in care of Kinship Canada at P.O. Box 82578, 5 Points Mall Postal Outlet, Oshawa, ary, 1994, issue. The letters were about eveniy split: members either steadfastly supported the column or Ontario, Canada LlG 7W7. vehementiy demanded that it be removed. Peter, thank you for giving a year and a half of About this same time in January (yes, the CONNEC- yourself to the CONNECTION. I'm going to miss you, TION has been mailed on time in the past), Kinship possum. members argued about the coiumn at the board meeting Andrew Strong in Laguna Beach, California. Several board members opposed its inclusion in the CONNECTION, but the major- ity of the attendees felt that the coiumn should stay. I remember when the subject was first brought up. As soon as Kinship's president said, \"Our Lady of Oshawa,\" the entire group broke into laughter. January 1995 . CONNECTION

Ethics The Seventh-dav Adventist Church, like many con- for gay servative denominations, has officially rejected Adventists? homosexuality and its members who practice homosexu- By Dr. Ronald Lawson ality. The Seventh-day Adventist Church Manual states The Seventh-day that \"...homosexual practices, and lesbian practices are Adventist among the obvious perversions of God's original plan.\"] experlence To what extent does this church heip its homosexual members with the ethical issues that they confront as they attempt to live Christian iives? The church tells these members firmly that such conduct is sinful, and that they must change their orien- tations if they are to be accepted by God: \"By means of the cross and the power of the Holy Spirit, all may be freed from the grip of sinful practices as they are restored to the image of the Creator.\"2 The Seventh-day Adventist Church was the first church to fund a minisffy, the Quest Learning Center and Homosexuais Anonymous, whose declared purpose was to help homosexuals become heterosexual. However, this endeavor ended disastrously when it was revealed that its head counselor had been sexually molesting young male counselees.3 Nevertheless, the church's message has remained frrm: If you cannot change your orientation, you must practice ceiibacy. When David Larson, an ethicist at the church's Loma Linda Univer- sity, prepared a paper on homosexuality at the request of the Biblical Research Institute, which operates out of church headquarters, and urged that the church nurture gay relationships as the best option available, his paper caused outrage and was summarily rejected.a In taking this stance, the Adventist church assumed that it had no members who were practicing homosexu- als: they had either changed orientations or were living in ceiibacy. It consequently avoided addressing the ethical issues that a member striving to live as a gay Christian would encounter. Adventist books dealing with sexual issues have generally followed this iead. However, homosexual Adventists have typicaliy foundthe advice oftheir church impossible to follow, and Iive their lives as practicing gays and lesbians. These- or some of them-have come together formutual support in an organization named Seventh-day Adventist Kin- ship lnternational, Inc. They sense that the church's position is rooted much more in the anti-gay prejudice dominant in American society than in Scripture, for there was no understandilg of a homosexual orientation in biblicai times, or in the writings of the Adventist prophet, Ellen White, who ignored the issue. (The White Estate, the guardian of Ellen White's writilgs, wishes she had addressed the issue, and has attempted to frnd and index out-of-context quotations that can be made to say what .CONNECTION Januar,, 1995

they wish she had said.) Consequently, these homo- \"ln the heterosexual Christian sexual members have been inciined to conclude that community monogamy has been ideal, However, marriage either Adventism (and, often, therefore also Christianity) failure has become so wide- spread that the church has is so biased that it is not relevant to them, or that the been forced to countenance divorce and remarriage and to church (and therefore also Christianity) does not speak to attempt to draw up guidelines the ethics ofgay relations and behavior, so that they are concerning how to handle them on their own working out an ethic for gay Christians. and how they can impact church membership... Should The purpose ofthis article is to (l) encoura1e gay the same ideal and 'second- best' mores apply similarly to and lesbian Adventists to consider the relevance of their gay and lesbian Adventists?\" Christian faith to their lives and to communicate with one another about it, and (2) to draw Adventist ethicists and iines. I have, to illustrate my point, isolated ten different theologians into this discussion in a way that might help throw light in the ethical dilemmas faced by their lesbian kinds of gay relationships, although in fact there are and gay sisters and brothers, and thus begin to fiIl this many permutations and combinations of these, so that the yawning gap. I do not expect, or desire, unanimity here, scene is much more varied stili: but rather to raise consciousness concerning the issue on r Monogamy: A committed, sexually exclusive both sides and to result in material becoming availabie to those in need of it. relationship, entered into with an expectation or hope of \"until death do us part.\" I have recently completed apaper which reviews the r Serial monogamy, type 1; Because of the irre- history of the response of Christian (including Adven- tists) missions to polygamous converts wishing to be trievable breakdown of a monogamous relationship, baptized and join the church and, in particuiar, examines current Adventist practice in Africa.s This research there is a \"divorce\" and, sometime later, a second mo- nogamous reiationship is entered. showed starkiy how positions adopted by the church can be culturaliy rather than bibiically based and work to the r Serial monogamy, type2:. Frequent, short-lived, tremendous disadvantage of the people effected. (In this sexually exclusive affairs. case, westem missionaries typically imposed the mo- r Open relationship: The parlners are emotionally' nogam,v they were accustomed to, even though the Bible committed to one another, but they ieave room for each nowhere takes a clear position against it, by insisting that to have incidental sexual encounters. male converts divorce all but one of their wives, even o Committed friendship: The partners usually share the same domicile, and care deepiy about one another, though poiygamous marriages were iegal in these societ- but (almost) all sex is transitory, with others. (Typically this evolves after a monogamous or open relationship ies and Jesus took a clear position against divorce, with becomes sexually boring.) the result that women were left destitute, separated from o Long-term polygamy: Stable long-term multiple their chiidren, and embittered with Christianit_v because it had broken up their families.) Another instance where the biblical example is now rejected because of cultural changes is marriages between partners whose ages are greatly disparate: men in biblical times were often much older than their wives, who were often barely pubescent at the time of marriage. (Perhaps the most striking example is the Virgin Mary and Joseph. Documents treated with authorit_v in the early Christian church depicted Joseph as unusually old and Mary as very young.) If gay Christians have no Christian ethics available to bring to bear as they construct their relationships and sexual practices, they are left with the norms of the gay and lesbian community. But here there is so much diversity as to provide no guidance. It would be the same if the heterosexual were left to consider the variety of practice among his,&er kind in looking for ethical guide- Janua{v 1995 . CONNECTION

(usually separate) parhers. (I think tis is rare in practice.) ships as incestuous. u'hile marriiineal societies would I . Long-term sexual buddies: Typically fairiy lim- have a rather differenr iist). if this is the reason, how I important would it be to insist on this taboo among ited relationships, likely you have more than one at a time. .' homosexuals. who cannot breed with one another? ln- o Serial promiscuity: Many fleeting sexual con- deed, there are a surprising number ofstories ofteenagers tacts, usually with strangers, one at a time. who discover their homosexualit_v with their brothers. r Group sex, stable group: Groups who gettogether Similarly. then. if a kev reason to support monoga- mous relationships. according to anthropoiogists, is to for sex fairiy reguiarly. Members pass from one-on-one situations to groups interacting together and back again. ensure that care and socialization is available for infants and children, is this the ideal relationship for non-breed- o Orgy: Short-term group sex. ing homosexuals? Some psychologists would say yes, because of the need for personal security and stability. Sexual practices aiso vary enormousiy. For exampie, Does the culture-free Christian ethic have anything to say among gay males they can be limited to simple voyeurism (partners watch one another masturbate); they may in- here? clude \"loving ss1f3gfs\"-5ome or all of massage, kissing, Some in the gay community would argue that all is mutual masturbation, fellation. intercourse; some or all of ethical as long as what happens is consensual; others that it is oniy essential to try to avoid hurting someone (these these may be rituaiized in sadomasochistic ways, etc., etc. are not the same). ln these times, avoiding the transmis- sion of AIDS wouid be inciuded in the latter; but there are Srnce I am not a lesbian. i would not presume to also spiritual, emotional, economic, etc. hurts. Are either of these the embodiment of the \"golden rule\"? If this rule attempt to categorize lesbian reiationships or sexual prac- the bottom line when working out the application of the tices. However, I feel sure that iesbians would arrive at a Christian ethic? If so, how is it best applied? fairly similar list of relationship possibilities. Research I have tried to ask questions without implying an- results would probably show a somewhat different distri- bution among these categories for iesbians and for gay swers. I invite your comments-Let us begin to dialogue about the reievance of our faith here. But first, piease set males. out to detach yourself as best you can from your cultural Does Christian ethics, once it distances itself from biases. cultural biases, have anything to say about these options? Notes: In the heterosexual Christian community monogamy has r[1990:147] been ideal. However, marriage failure has become so 2Church Manual. 1990. 147 widespread that the church has been forced to counte- rlawson, 1987 aLarson nance divorce and remarriage and to attempt to draw up 5lawson, 1994 guidelines conceming how to handle them and how they can impact church membership. That is, it has accepted References serial monogamy O?e 1, although it is not seen as the General Conference of Seventh-da,v Adventists. 1990. Seventh-day ideal. (African-Americans, however, were disparaging of Adventist Church Manual. Revised edition. this among there American brothers.) Similarly, premari- Larson. David. tal sex (serial monogamy type 2, and serial promiscuity, etc.) has been increasingiy overiooked or easily forgiven, Lawson, Ronald. 1987. \"The Quest Leaming Center/Homosexuals especially once the members marry,. On the other hand, Anonymous: Troubie in an 'Ex-gay Ministn,.\"' Paper presented at the the church frnds it more diffrcult to countenance adultery meeting of the American Sociological Association, Chicago, August (open reiationships, committed friendships), prostitution 1 987. (a variation, perhaps, on open relationships, although it can also be premarital), and \"swinging,\" especially when Lawson. Ronald. 1994. \"Church-sponsored inlustice: The Seventh-day it is post-marital (serial promiscuity). Adventist Church and Polygamous Converts.\" Paper presented at the meeting ofthe Society for the Scientific Study ofReligion, Albuquerque, Should the same ideal and \"second-best\" mores appiy N.M., November 1994. similarly to gay and lesbian Adventists? A consideration Dr. Ronald Lawson is the church liaisonfor SDA Kinship. of the ubiquitous incest taboo may suggest that the His articles, \"The Quest Learning Center/Homosexuals homosexuai and heterosexual situations are not necessar- Anonymous: Trouble in an 'Ex-gay Ministry\"' and \"A ily parallel. The Bible bans incest, as does, so many Caring Church? The Seyenth-dat Adventist Church and its Homosexual Members,\" hot,e appeared in previous anthropologists say, every human society. This is usually issues of the CONNECTION. explained functionally-the need to avoid genetic prob- lems. even though the exact rules vary from society to society (so that patrilineal societies regard some relation- .CONNECTION January 1995

T (D\\z(e \"Most of us can find many examples of church-sanction ed gay bashing. They've not singled us out, per se. The church just isn't love. It doesn't care.\" What does loving others mean? Is it a state of mind We look to the church for that kind of caring and it is we are calied to achieve? I used to think that to fulfiIl the not there. Have you ever heard anyone of authority in the requirement, to \"iove others,\" meant that i had to stop church utter one word against injustice toward gays thinking about others in negative ways-to stop disliking (beyond a perfunctory *\"niion of physical gay uastring)r them. T kept telling.myself that I realiy liked others no matter Likely not. To the contrary, *ort boafshui,ng\".*Thfrenyd,vme annoyt how nasty they might be. But that's a frustrating church-sanctioned examples of gay youfeel endeavor. It's next to impossible to change how singied us out, per se. The church just isn,t love. It doesn,t care. about someone else through sheer will. Actually. I think loving others can be easy once it,s The ionger I live, the more I see universal anaiogies defured properly. I don't think loving others necessarily that are cross-applicable. I think of how people who means I have to like them; leaming to like them may not even be my goal. To me, loving others (those I dislike as perpetrate evil almost always ciaim to be righteous and to well as those I am simply indifferent to) means I respect be defending a good cause. Legal discrimination and hatred of gays is justified under the pretense of ,,standing them as people. It means I think of them and me as being up for morality.\" Amidst this hatred and discrimination, the church calls itself \"the caring church.\" But just as in the same boat-with equally important and valid good people don't go around telling peopie they are good, concerns, so I care aboutthek concerns as well as my own. a church that is truly ioving and caring would never have I iisten to them and seek to understand them and their to iaunch a PR slogan to claim it is caring. My point is not journey. to bad-mouth the church, it is to help gay and iesbian Loving others means I think beyond my own self- people who may agonize over the behavior of the church centered world. I think globally, inciusively. I begin to and their place in it to simply accept reality. Don,t depend balance my own interests with those of others when they on the church to be your major source of support. Relying on your walk with God is one thing, but don't feel guilty conflict and require me to compromise my own comfort for not relying on a walk with the church. (in baianced and reasonable ways) with the comforts of others, sensing that we are family. The way I vote in eiections weighs my own interests with the needs of The same definition of loving others is the standard others. They way I love people I don't like (and those I we must use to know if we ourselves are ioving. Hou, have no particular reason to be interested or disinterested much do we care about the concems of others? How man.v in) is by standing up for fairness toward them, especially ofus as individuals have spent time to understand women' s when they need the support of outsiders. concerns, racial concerns or any number of social issues Those in the minority always need the support of that we hear about daily? Have we spent any money, in some in the majority. They often need heip from those addition to time? Do we care? When you add up the with greater power. You can always tell who among the interests of your life, are many of them loving concems? We rail against the church for not loving peopie with majority are loving; they are the ones who bother to listen AIDS, but do we love them? What have we done just for our own people with AIDS (exciude plans, count action and help. Love replaces indifference. It means our attention doesn't have to be grabbed before we'll pay attention to the needs and concerns of others. only)? And how much of that was provided by peo ple w it h This is nothing new to those of us in the gay commu- llDS (who have an overlapping self-concem, as opposed nity; it is simpiy the way we want others to treat us as gay to ultimate loving. ln other words, concern for others people. Even ifthey don't like us, we want them to ,,love,, outside of self-interest)? To what inconvenience have I us by treating us with respect, by listening, by caring, or simply by trying to understand us and our journey. We gone to find out who among us is ili and to write or call don't like them to think their journey is the only ,,right,, them? What the world needs is love, and we need ro one. We would like to see them reveal love by standing provide is as well as point out the hypocrisy of those who up for equality and justice and protecting their fellow man don't-especially when they claim to worship and follow frorn hatred and discrimination, including registering a Man who exemplified love and compassion toward all. their voice and vote against iegal discrimination against Longtime Kinship member Larry Hallock writes from those of a minority sexual orientation. Chicago, Illinois. January 1995 . COI{NECTION

Ha-t(e \"I hate how narcissistic we fags are; how easily distracted from the hard tasks; how absurdiy triviai in the face of death.\" I hate gay men. I feel more and more hopeless about ashamed of what we do in bed. our community. Turn any corner in the gheuo and you can I hate the way we flock to have sex in back rooms and grab sex. but you have to search high and low to find real sex clubs. drunk, on drugs, with iittle sense of who we are love. I hate how narcissistic we fags are; how easily or who we're with, but when the deparrment of health or the cops of Channel 4 News threatens to pull the plug on distracted from the hard tasks; how absurdly trivial in the the party, we say nothing. We can have all the anonymous face of death. I hate, above all, how we expend so much sex we want, and prociaim it al1 a great sexual iiberation, energJ- on attracting desire and so little on taking care of but we can'ttalk about it in public, even to each other. We anyone but ourselves. I don't beiieve that iesbians, faced don't rvant our mothers to know what sex pigs we are. We with the tragedy of AIDS, would have failed as we have don't even want our dyke friends to know how we treat failed. That thought alone keeps me hopefui. each other like pieces of meat, and love it. We iie all the The AIDS crisis has been a part of us for more than a decade, the half-life of our community, and it is so all- time about this to our lovers, too. We're so ashamed of powerful that if any of survive, we will spend the rest of our lives mourning and sfiuggling to understand what all ourselves that we can't even defend the places where we the losses have meant. Half of us-half of our lovers and go to make the great sexual revolution happen. What friends and fuck buddies and fantasy objects-are going heroes we are! What warriors! to be dead by the year 2000. I hate the way that single fact I hate they way sex is aiways more important than has not yet transformed us into a real army of lovers. We love; the way we have no respect for each other's relaiion- just keep on sieepwaltr<ing through this holocaust: one year organizing and making troubie; the next selling out ships; the wav even, man is a possibie hit. I hate the way and making careers; the next turning our backs on it all, everyone flrts with your lover, if you have one, and you dancing and partying and fucking iike crary-. I hate the See HATE, page 14 way we have no sense of the future, so hell-bent on You! pieasing ourselves. I hate the way we pay so much Everything you read in the CONNECTION is contributed by attention to our bodies, grooming and dressing and tattoo- individuals. such as vourself, who took the time to write theirthoughts. The CoNNECTtoH is looking for more readers ing and sculpturing and finally dispiaying them, like great who are interested in u,riting for our newsletter. Stories works of art, on the dance floor at the Roxv on Saturday about personal experiences as a lesbian, gay, bisexual or night, or wherever, when everyone is pinwheeling on straight person. x a Chrrstian or any other topic of interest Ecstas\\,. I know how beautiful we al1 are, but that peak to the general membershrp are welcome and appreciated. moment is so fleeting, and it's not much to build a culture Setudl mtnoritte! orc csyctallv encouragcd n wrilc around. Still, we're determined to build that beautiful, emptv culture. I hate the way we have unsafe sex with each other in the night, but when momilg comes, we say nothing. More and more, the rule seems to be: If you don't come inside anyone, and if no one comes inside of you, that's safe. We're hopping on each others uncondomed dicks because it feels so good, and because we're so eager to forget everyone who got sick that way; everyone who can't walk up the stairs anymore because they have biue lesions growing in their lungs; they have iost their sight and their hearing and their sense of balance and their memories- not to mention sex drives-to one incurable infection after another. If we actualiy believe fucking without a condom is safe sex, so long as their is no cum involved, then we should have the courage of our convictions and make this beiief public. But we're much too cowardly and 10 coNNECTtoN . January, 1995

@\\\"ug\\tx sn t\\n$oril'x lFr*gDr I can not pray OUR, if my faith has no room for others and their need. I cannot pray FATIIER, if I do not demonstrate this relationship to God in my daily living. I cannot pray WHO ART IN HEAVEN, if all my interests and pursuits are in earthly things. I cannot pray HALLOWED BE TIIY NAME, if I am not striving, with God's help, to be holy. I cannot pray TIIY KINGDOM COME, if I am unwilling to accept God's rule in my life. I cannot pray TIfY WILL BE DONE, if I am unwilling or resentful of having God's will in my life. I cannot pray ON EARTH AS IT IS IN IIEAVEN, unless I am truly ready to give myself to God's service here and now. I cannot pray Gf\\IE US OUR DAILY BREAD, without expending honest effort for it, or if I would withhold from my neighbor the bread I receive. I cannot pray FORGME US OUR TRESPASSES AS WE FORGME THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US, ifI continue to harbor a grudge against anyone. I cannot pray LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION, if I deliberately choose to remain in a situation where I am likely to be tempted. I cannot pray DELfVER US FROM EVIL, if I am not prepared to fight evil with my life and my prayers. I cannot pray TIIINE IS TIIE KINGDOM, if I am unwilling to obey the King. I cannot pray FOR THINE IS THE POWER AND THE GLORY, if I am seeking power for myself and my own glory first. I cannot pray FOREVER AND E\\.ER, ifI am too anxious about each day's affair. I cannot pray AMEN, unless I can honestly say, \"Cost what it may, this is my prayer.\" January 1995 . CONNECTION 1l

Touring Srisconsin I want to share with you a ffeasure Geri and I found removed the f,re escape. rebuiit hterior walls and re- last month when we vacationed in Wisconsin. We fleu, to Miiwaukee, then drove south to Racine to tour the S. placed the front porch, baicony and porte cochere, which C. Johnson Wax buildings, designed by Frank Lloyd had been removed in 1952. Rumor has it that they spent Wright, and the Racine zoo. half a million dollars on the restoration. Then we drove west to Delavan to stay at the The house was named to the National Register of incomparable Allyn Mansion Inn Bed and Breakfast. Historic Places in 1985. It is the grand prize wilner ofthe Great American Home Awards, presented by the Na- The 23-room mansion was built rn 1885 for the Aiexander tional Trust for Historic Preservation. and the recipient of the Wisconsin Historical Societv's Certificate of Com- Allyn famiiy. The architect was E. Townsend Mix, mendation for Historic Preservation because of its Milwaukee's leading architect at that time. The sryle is Queen Anne,Eastlake. The house has 12 bedrooms, of \"exceptionally thorough and meticulous restoration.\" which five were originalll, used for servants and seven were used for family members and guests. The house The Allln Mansion ranks as one of the finest resto- remained in family hands until 1952, when it was sold ration efforts in the counrry-. Along with the wahut and turned into a nursing home. In 1966 the nursing home woodwork, frescoed ceilings, ten marbie fireplaces, was closed. After remaining closed for some time, it gasoliers and other features, the Allyn Mansion lnn is became a furniture store and remained so until 1983. completeil, furnished in authentic Victorian antiques. Guests enjoy the use of three formal pariors and rwo ln November, 1984, it was purchased by its present owners, Joe Johlson and Ron Markwell, who have been grand pianos. Bedrooms have ful1 and queen-sized beds, and some have fireplaces which are equipped with gas restoring it to its original splendor ever since. They logs that can be used at any time. Hook up to KinNet ! Social hour is 6:00 p.m. on weekends. Wine, cheese, Participate in the electronj-c chapter of Kinship. KirNet brings crackers and fruit are served. An)ryvhere that doors are Kj-nship members in daily contact open, guests are encouraged to wander in. The antiques with each other through the are of exceptional quality. Breakfast is served family- Internet and other e-mai1 serwices. To join, contact Floyd PoeniLz vLa style at 8:30, or earlier upon request during the week. It's full and rich. Countty Living Magazine says, \"Inside the floydpomicrosoft. com meticulousiy restored Allyn Mansion Inn...the year is always 1885.\" Owner Joe Johnson teaches French. Ron Markwell is a retired teacher. Joe will tell fascinating stories about the restoration oftheir derelictjewel. I hear he's a good singer. but there was no one to pia,v the piano when we were there. Delavan is an historic town, founded in 1836 by a temperance/abolitionist group ffom New York. It later became a major circus quarters site and was the home of some 26 circuses between 1847 and 1895. it is the birthplace of the P. T. Barnum Circus. Today, Delavan retains much of its Victorian charm. It's centrally- iocated between Lake Geneva, Alpine Valley and Kettle Moraine State Park. Kettle Moraine offers great hiking and cross-country skiing. Old World Wisconsin gives an authentic look at Wisconsil's eariier davs. Biking, horseback riding and antiquing opporhrnities abound. A barn was converted into an antique shop around the corner from the Allyr See WISCONSIN, page 14 .t2 CONNECTION Januarv 1995

Kinship Operating Account Statement Beginning Transfers 10/31 1O/O1/94 lncome Fund 7,4',l 5.1 l 337.00 (767.77) 0.00 5,984.34 Program Funds (1,477.83) 300.00 (6so.oo) 0.00 ( 1,827.83) Connection (3,501.03) 0.00 0.00 0.00 (3,501.03) Kampmeeting 94 0.00 0.00 Kampmeeting 95 0.00 50.00 50.00 Project Funds 20.87 25.00 0.00 0.00 45.87 691 .34 0.00 0.00 0.00 General (1,7?.4.96) 0.00 (41?.63) 0.00 69 r.34 isinq: Women's 0.00 249.7? 21 5.00 0.00 0.00 (2,1 37.59) Outreach 1,561.45 45.00 0.00 464.72 lV / AIDS Support '1,606.45 Womyn's Newsletter ?68.72 0.00 0.00 0.00 268.7? 'r54.37 0.00 0.00 0.00 154.37 Regional Funds 0.00 0.00 0.00 197.50 1-North Atlantic 197.50 25.00 0.00 0.00 -Mid Atlantic ( 1 6.66) 0.00 0.00 0.00 (1. 1+ 3-South Atlantic 230.97 0.00 0.00 0.00 Lakes 63.87 0.00 0.00 0.00 ?30.97 ?71 .19 0.00 0.00 0.00 53.87 05-Great Plains '145.83 90.00 0.00 0.00 06-Rocky Mountain 271.19 07-Pacific Northwest 167.69 145.83 0B-Central Pacific 257.69 09-Southwest US $4,718.1 5 $1,087.00 ($'1,830.40) $0.00 $3,974.75 Totals Kinship Endowment Account Statement Beginning Tran#ers ,/ ed lnvestments 'to/01/94 Disbursed 10/31/94 Asset Allocation 1 ,144:77 950.00 (e4e.21) 0.00 1,145.56 Bank America Savings 2,250.00 950.00 31.38 0.00 3,231 .38 idelity Brokerage 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 Deposits 9,744.70 0.00 9,744.70 S. Treasury Bills 14,121.64 Total $ 1 3,',I 39.47 $1,900.00 ($e 17.83) $0.00 N'lo: te(Bs:rackets) denote subtracted amounts or negative balances. 13 2: Operating account expenses exceeded income last month by $7a3.40. January, 1995 'CONNECTION

Hating gay people absolute antithesis of our sexual fantasies. How unpre- pared we all are for faliing in iove with our imperfections FROM PAGE IO and infections. find out who your friends are by learning who doesn't i hate the way we have sold each other out as AIDS make a pass at him. I'm sick and tired of the terms of activists, with all the well-educated and well-connected endearment among us ghetto dwellers; how we sleep white fags making names for themselves, serving on with someone for a few weeks or months, then move on to someone eise without ever iooking back. Are we such boards, attending meetings, writing articles, giving inter- objects for each other that one person can be immediately views, becoming well known, while women and IVDUs replaced by another? and children and people ofcolor go unffeated and unrec- ognized. Anyone who spend the last five years in AIDS I hate the way we are not, as people, very much there activism knows that if lesbians hadn't been there, we for each other. All of this makes me feel hopeiess. I fear that we will never come to know and iove each other, or would never have paid any attention to anyone but rich take care ofeach other, or fight for each other's lives, or white fags. help each other to die, or create relationships that teach And what have we gotten? This last vear we got the us anything worth passing on to the next generation. We news that we can't reasonable expect an effective treat- aren't monsters, but our humanity is in grave disorder. ment for AIDS for the next 25 years. Are you ready to lose all the men you have ever desired or fucked or fallen All we really seem to care about is our fantasies. As half in iove with or loved more than you love yourself? Are of us work out and jerk off in our gyms and our clubs, you ready to heip them die? Or are you ready to hght for their iives? For the next 25 vears? crowd our back rooms and our sex clubs, the other half are Anonymous getting sick, losing the will to live, and becoming the Slipper swimmer I can see that your family and fiiends have been hit by the slipper frenzy bug. Recent scientific research has FROM PAGE 15 shown this is not the terminal disease it was once thought same thing: slippers, slippers and more slippers. This to be. year, after the season of gtft-giving, I am the owner of 12 Recently on our talk show, we interviewed members pairs of slippers. How do I suggest to my friends and of a support group for terminal slipper senders. With family that I would appreciate another type of gift next enough ofthe right counseling and support from peers, year? peopie can be cured of slipper fuenzy. I can send along Swimming in Slippers their ilformation if you are interested. Dear Swimming, More importantly, what are you going to do with all Wisconsin Yacation those siippers? I would gladly reiieve you of any pink fluff, ones. (After all, possum, you can never have too FROM PAGE 12 many pairs of pink fluS, slippers!) I know of numerous groups that collect items during the year to make up Christmas baskets. I am sure that they would appreciate the contribution ofyour surplus siippers, helping them find a good home. Mansion. CONNECTION welcomes mail from its readers. Uniess permission is Depending on the room and the specifically given to do otherwise, full names of letter-writers wili not be printed. Letters will be identified by initials and srate. day, rates for the Allyn Mansion inn range from $50-S85. No smoking, Opinions expressed in the letter coiumn do not necessariiy reflect S.D.A. Kinship positions. pets or children under 12 are al- lowed. The address is 511 East Letters may be edited for iength or clarity. Say what's on your mindl Write CoNNECTI0N, P.O. Box 68, Leba- Walworth Avenue, Delavan, Wis- non, Illinois 62254UsA. You may also e-mail your message to CONNEC- consin 53115; telephone: (414) TION through CompuServe at'12722.1441 or through the Internet at 728-9090. Ifyou're ever in southeast Wisconsin, be sure to stay there. Like 7 27 22. 1 44 1 @compuserve. com. myself, you'll be glad you did. Heidi Johnson is Region 2 coordinator .CONNECTION January 1995

Exploding glitter bomb angers reader, damages walls, furniture and cat Dear Lady, end result is the same as the first type dearest always told me to be polite of glitter bomb. For the third time this month I and t o us e c orrec t et iq uette w henever DearL--art, wehave learned from was the recipient of a \" glitter bomb \" possible, but I'm baffled. Exactly experience that the frst time you what is the conect etiquette in in a letter delivered through the daily send an intentional of unintentional dealing with a door greeter? Do I post. Although I appreciate the glitter bomb, your recipient will be dazzled, amazed, and they will even curtsy, tip my hat, give them a tip or enthusiasm my .friend uses when find it cute. However. on reception what? expressing his sparkling attitude of the second glitter bomb, the Bffied in Boston toward life, I am a little more than cuteness will have wom off. Dearest Baffled, frustrated by needing to spend two Here are a few techniques we Door greeters. Now, there's days cleaning the glitter off of -y have been working with so we can one you don't leam about in furishing Jloor, walls, furniture and cat. Far safely send glittery letters: I have school. Most finishing schools teach be itfrom me to rain on the parade of experimented, using a plastic that how you greet someone is based iaminate on the glitter. This way on your social standrng. someone who puts such passion into everything, i ncluding letter writing, your glitter stays in place. It is less At our last brunch, the advice sparkly, but you may keep your but I don' t think I c ould stand another friends this way. columnists' guild decided that door greeters rank higher than vaiet car glitter bomb. ll/ould do you You can purchase stationary with glitter incorporated into the jockeys, but below hotel door recommend? paper. Our esteemed president, Darin persons. Since they do not perform Bombed Out a physicai task for you, there is no Olson, has been the recipient ofmore need to tip them. Possum, than his share of glitter bombs. He suggested putting waming labels on You only curtsy for a queen. ln Being one ofKinship' s notorious your letters. This way your recipient giitter bombers, we need to explain some cases, a curtsy could be a glitter bomb to those unfortunates can open the ietter outside. appropriate in the presence ofa door who have not experienced one. As for your problem: Just greeter; however, a curtsy is usually reserved for true royalty-or at least Glitterbombs come intwo forms: In remember that letters from this friend a queen in full drag. the fust, after carefully folding your may contain bombs. Open them all Tipping your hat is always letter, you fill the folds with glitter outdoors. before inserting it in your envelope. considered polite and correct, but When the letter is opened, the We also need to state that the don't pull yourtoque offand wave it recipient is enveloped in a burst of above expianation is in no way or anything like that. Doing so would glitter. It's even better when this intended to facilitate a campaign of only serve to show people you are Ietter is received by a person who glitter bombings. Kinship always having a bad hair day. opens their mail by ripping off the tries to meet its objectives through peaceful methods. We are not a We would suggestyou be polite end and blowing into the envelope to and give back an appropriate greeting group of glitter bomb terrorists. to the one they give you. If in doubt, open it. The effect is quite smile politely and continue on your Dear Lady, way. spectacular! Recently, a new discount store Dear Lady, The second type of glitter bomb, the unintentional glitter bomb, occurs opened near my home. l4/ith the Everyyear at Christmas it's the when a person takes the time to glue store's anival came the advent of glitter on a letter, card ornote. Even See SLIPPER, page 14 \" door greeters \" to our areq. Mommy the best of glues will give way as the letter is bashed and smashed by our hard-working postal authorities. The January 1995 . CONNECTION 15

Rod & Bob: Falling in love, working together A gay love story written by the much-publicized Jackson-paris couple Straight From The Heart sex and homophobic politics in the bodybuilding world A Love Story that have prevented Bob from reaching the top of his By Rod and Bob Jackson-Paris profession. 320 pp. New York: Wamer Books. $21.95 U.S.A. (S26.95 Canada) Yet the book's strength-storyteiling on a personal levei-is also its greatest weakness. The flrst half of Rod \"We were both trying to play it as subtle as possible. and Bob's book details their romance and how they But it was frustrating-humorous and frustrating at the worked to resolve the differences that threatened to same time. I wanted him to take the damn headphones off and talk to me. I wasn't accustomed to being ignored.,, A sabotage their relationship. When they finally move on to later events, and describe their appearances on Oprah, young man from a small-town Midwestern family, Bob Phil Donahue and on college and university stages on the Jackson had made it big in the body buiiding business and lecture circuit, it becomes apparent that the story of how they met and fell in love has been toid to audiences a was in Denver conducting a weight-lifting seminar. million times. This may account for the treacle and During one ofhis workouts at the local gym he hopped on canned-sounding language, almost as if they are reading an exercise bike next to Rod Jackson-someone he found from a script. Despite their obvious efforts to tell the early very attractive and yet quite aloof. Thus begins a relation- part of their tale in a natural, fresh way, only in the latter ship between two beautiful and self-centered men that almost didn't happen. But its consummation eventuaily part ofthe book do they really sound convincing. thrust Rod and Bob into the role of spokes models for the The going gets good when Rod and Bob begin gay community on television talk shows, radio inter- preparations for their wedding. And after that point we learn about their movement on the lecture circuit, their views and seminars across the counfiy. move to Washington state and their growing roles in the high-visibility gay and lesbian community. Their trans- Seven years after they met, and five years after their formation from private lovers to public personalities is wedding, the Jackson-Paris duo have released an auto- biographical book describing their personal growth and the most moving part of the book: looking through their life together. If a complete and equal partnership is your eyes to the future, when hate and discrimination against ideal of a gay or lesbian relationship, then Rod and Bob gay men and lesbians is a thing of the past. Much of the Jackson-Paris' book will put your dreams to music. men's work also centers on educating young people, and Frank talk is elemental to the book's successful they taped a video specifically for gay and lesbian youth portrayal of their relationship. It's loaded with humor to heip them feel less isolated and learn to live with tough tmths, and reveals the dark side of their back- dignity. grounds and dysfunctional families. Their forthright In the last chapter, Rod and Bob reveal thoughts on discussion of how they've hurt each other (and recon- their roles in the gay community that could easily be ciled) is a window into the honesty that seems to guide translated into what they would wish for their epitaphs: their love for each other. Bob: \"If people are going to bash us, we need to The book also illuminates some ofthe natural differ- ences between the two men. Rod is a more cautious, protect ourselves. Some people only understand vio- conservative man who would rather lead by example- lence. Who's to say we're not going to face a national showing the world ahappy and openly gay couple-than hght at some point in the future? We,ve got to be by fighting for gay and lesbian rights (the tack favored by Bob). prepared.\" Written in conversational style, \"straight From The Rod: \"I hope we'll go down in history as one of the Heart\" gives Rod and Bob's first-person accounts in gteat gay loves. I think that's the most political statement alternating chapters or paragraphs. They discuss every- we could make because I really think that love changes thing from their conflict over Rod's centerfold in Playgirl, the world.\" to the search for focus in their careers, to their families' inability to deal with the men's homosexuality, to safe Former CONNEOTTON editor Kevin Gepford worlrs as a graphic artist for MTV's in-house art and advertising department. .t6 COIII{ECTIOIV January 1995