SDA Kinship - CONNECTION - January 2006

The Journal of Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. January 2006 Vol. 30 No. 1 New Year

KINSHIP BOARD Who we are... Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc. (Kinship) is a President: Bob Bouchard Vice President: Brenda McColpin non-profit support organization which ministers to the spiritual, Secretary: Bruce Harlow emotional, social, and physical well-being of Seventh-day Treasurer: Karen Wetherell Adventist lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and intersex Connection Editor: Catherine individuals and their families and friends. Kinship facilitates and promotes the understanding and affirmation of LGBTI Adventists Taylor among themselves and within the Seventh-day Adventist Marketing & PR Webmaster: Robb community through education, advocacy, and reconciliation. Kinship is an organization which supports the advance of human Crouch rights for all people. Church Liaison: David Fergusson Women’s Coordinator & Chapter Founded in 1976, the organization was incorporated in 1981 and is recognized as a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization in the US. Development: Yolanda Elliott Kinship has a board of up to 15 officers and 13 regional Kampmeeting Coordinator 2006: coordinators. The current list of members and friends includes several thousand people in 43 countries. Marcos Apolonio SDA Kinship believes the Bible does not condemn, or even BOARD MEMBERS AT LARGE mention, homosexuality as a sexual orientation. Ellen G. White does not parallel any of the Bible texts, which are often used to KinNet Coordinator: Floyd Poenitz condemn homosexuals. Most of the anguish imposed upon God’s Member Services: Fred Casey children who grow up as LGBT has its roots in a misunderstanding Supporting Kinship Families with of what the Bible says. Support Kinship Children: Jill Babcock Strategic Planning: Isis Montalvo Kinship operates solely on contributions from its members and Parents, Family & Friends Support: friends. Help us reach out to more LGBT Adventists by making a tax-deductible donation to SDA Kinship International. Please send Carrol Grady your check or money order to the address below. (You can also IMRU: Naveen Jonathan donate, using your Visa or Master Card, by contacting Karen EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE Wetherell at [email protected]. She will phone you so that Bob Bouchard, Bruce Harlow, you can give your credit card information in a safe manner.) Karen Wetherell, Samuel Pang, SDA Kinship, P.O. Box 49375, Sarasota, FL 34230-6375, or call Catherine Taylor, Brenda toll-free in the U.S. 866-732-5677 or toll from outside the U.S. 01 McColpin, Sherri Babcock (941) 371-7606, or visit SDA Kinship’s Web Site at: www.sdakinship.org REGIONAL COORDINATORS–USA AFFILIATED INTERNATIONAL OTHER COORDINATORS Region 1 (New England) Catherine REGION COORDINATORS Taylor [email protected] Intersexed: Carolyn Parsons Australia-New Zealand: Noel [email protected] Region 2 (Mid-Atlantic) Yolanda Thorpe Elliot [email protected] [email protected] Transgender/Transexual: Sandra Hoffecker [email protected] Region 3 (Deep South) Jon Roberts Brazil: Itamar Matos de Souza [email protected] [email protected] Older Adult: Ren Reynolds [email protected] Region 4 (Midwest) Chad Hicks Canada: Jerry McKay [email protected] [email protected] Europe: Ruud Kieboom Web Master: Dave Gilsdorf [email protected] Region 5 (Lone Star South) Floyd [email protected] Poenitz [email protected] Central & South America: Region 6 (Mountain Plains) Robb Alexander Gomez Pasco Crouch [email protected] [email protected] Philippines: Jonathan Coo Region 7 (Northwest) [email protected] Region 8 (No. California, Nevada, Uganda: Joseph Brown [email protected] Hawaii) Obed Vazquez-Ortiz [email protected] Region 9 (So. California, Arizona) Bruce Boyd [email protected]; Michelle Cornwell [email protected]

BeginRomilda Wilder - Washington DC, USA New Year’s Resolutions can be depressing. I think I end table in a drawer, and will write in it at least once aactually kept one clear into February once. Maybe. month.Anyway, I stopped making them. I can’t break them if Idon’t make them. Every year at work we each do an June. Begin.Individual Development Plan. We write down bothshort-term and long-range plans and goals. The online There are two books I really, really want to read. Iclasses I plan to take can be spread out over more than a own them. I’ve started them. Before the end ofyear. Maybe I could do the same thing with some New summer I will finish reading both of these books.Year’s Resolutions – make them things that are a stretch,but realistic. July. Begin.January. Begin. I’d like to lose some weight this year. About 15 or 20 pounds. Before the end of the year. We cannot deny the past. After all, it is the pastwhich has woven us into who we are today. But we August. Begin.don’t need to live in it. I’m going to try to live in thepresent as much as I can. When I find myself falling I just remembered another book I want to read.back into the past, I’ll acknowledge that the past Hmmmm. Can I read three books this year? (This fromhappened, but I’ll remind myself that I’ve chosen to live the person who had to go to the library every other dayin the present, to be present in the now. as a kid because she read the limit in that amount of time!!!) Sure. I can do it! Yes. Absolutely.February. Begin. September. Begin. Everything these days seems to be on the computer.Cyber everything. But first class mail, aka snail mail, In 2004 I made Advent calendars for the Greatshas its place also. It’s something you can carry in your (Lynn’s great nieces and nephews). They loved them.pocket or purse, it’s something actually touched. This This year I didn’t get them done. For 2006 I will haveyear I want to send more snail mail. I will send at least their Advent calendars ready before the end of October.one snail mail letter or card per month. October. Begin.March. Begin. Time to give up more unnecessary things. Too My niece is married, and they plan to have children much stuff. Way too much. Before Thanksgiving I willonce they’re finished with grad school. My arthritis is have gotten rid of at least 5 boxes of things ~ things Igetting worse – who knows how long I’ll be able to have but don’t need. YES!knit. This year I’ll knit at least one thing for a baby yetto be born. November. Begin.April. Begin. Every year I wish I’d begun making some special Christmas cards earlier so they can be sent out in time to My dear partner of 22+ years, Lynn, has been arrive before Christmas. I will have these done beforebegging me to finish knitting a pair of socks I started December 1.for her several years ago. They should be finished bythe end of May when she has a birthday! December. Begin.May. Begin. It is time to review my plan for 2006 and make plans for 2007. Much better to have short-term AND For a long time I kept a journal. Hardly a day went long-terms goals. This way I haven’t set myself up forby that I didn’t write in it. This year I’ll keep it on the failure. January. Begin!!!! 3

2005: A Spiritual Journey By Andrew Strong: Moscow, Russia Yura called me up on a Sunday in sexually transmitted infections: to stop smoking in April. Afternight in October to warn me that While sexual contact accounted for gaining 20 pounds in three weeks,Alyosha had been sleeping with a only 7 percent of new infections in I gave up on God and a smoke-freeman who was HIV-positive. 2001, the percentage skyrocketed lifestyle.Alyosha -- a 19-year-old whom to 35 percent in 2005. I realized that safety from HIV no longer No more bargaining with God, I had been seeing on and off for meant living in Russia. I decided. Whether of not I testedthe past year -- had just spent the positive, I knew one thing: I couldnight two days earlier. The news Moreover, I knew I deserved to no longer follow my current waygrew more horrifying. Yura said be infected. Just a month earlier, in of life. If I was positive, I neededthree other friends had also had sex September, I had experienced to re-establish a relationship withwith this man. I asked Yura if he mysterious chest pains and felt a God. If I was negative, I stillwas sure. Yura explained how he lump in my left breast. Panicking, I needed to re-establish ahad learned about the flings a prayed desperately for a second relationship to realize myweek earlier and had been asking chance. God must have been childhood dream -- walking witharound. Three mutual surprised to hear from me, a son of Jesus and a cuddly lion in heaven.acquaintances had confirmed that missionaries who had not attended My philosophy since the age ofthe man had contracted the virus. a church service, opened a Bible or 14, however, had been to live eachThe man himself, though, had even prayed over a meal in about a day as if it were my last. That way,denied any such thing and had decade. After a week of prayer and I figured, I would able to lookflashed a negative blood test -- worry, I underwent an examination back on a life well-spent with nowhich can be bought at nearly any at the Russian Foreign Ministry's regrets. Regrets were now pilingRussian hospital or clinic for a few hospital, one of the best in the up fast. I wondered what I hadrubles. country. The doctor also detected a really accomplished that had any lump in my breast. But a battery of meaning. I questioned -- for the Here's what I knew about HIV: tests failed to find anything, and I millionth time in 32 years --tests, tests and more tests. In 1993, was sent home with a clean bill of whether it was a sin to be gay. Iwhen I was 19 and lived in Illinois, health. I promptly forgot my thought for the first time aboutI had taken an anonymous test after anxiety and prayer and celebrated having a family and raising mya wrong one-night stand. The next my new-found health by inviting own children. I felt lost. I did nottest came in 1995, when I applied over two young men. One of them know what to do. I hoped anfor a year-long visa to study in was Alyosha. answer would be waiting for me inRussia. Then I started getting church.tested every ayear I worked in My first thought after Yura calledRussia. I was never particularly that Sunday night was to get It turned out that I did not haveworried about the results. Russia, tested. Knowledge is power, after to wait until Sabbath. When I toldafter all, remained rather isolated all. I made a flurry of phone calls, my mother about my plans to gofrom the rest of the world, even but no hospital or clinic would to church and expressed someyears after the collapse of the Soviet give me an anonymous test. \"We reservations about my future, sheUnion. HIV rates stayed remarkably require a passport for HIV tests. It's enthusiastically shared a Biblelow throughout the 1990s, and the the law,\" nurse after nurse told me. verse: \"I alone know the plans Ivirus mainly affected drug users. I called a friend in the United have for you, plans to bring youInternational health specialists States, and he advised leaving prosperity and not disaster, plans tostarted warning about an HIV crisis Russia to get tested. \"That will give bring about the future you hopein Russia two years ago, but the you more options to plan your for.\" (Jeremiah 29:11 Today'svirus continues to affect only about future should the results come back English Version). After I hung up1 percent of the population. Those positive,\" he said. That meant the phone, I opened a Bible tonumbers flashed into my mind living in uncertainty for several Jeremiah and read on: \"Then youwhen Yura called. My fears more months. I did not know what will call on me and come and praymultiplied a few days later when to pray to God, or whether I should to me, and I will listen to you. Youthe United Nations released a new even bother trying. I remembered will seek me and find me whenreport about the HIV growth rate in that I had prayed one other time you seek me with all your heart. 'IRussia. The report detected a surge earlier in the year, when I had tried4

will be found by you,' declares the something meaningful in Psalms. interesting and personal. I amLord, 'and will bring you back Finally I decided to read the verse. keeping the Sabbath, fromfrom captivity. I will gather you It was nice, but Psalms 40:8 just sundown to sundown, although itfrom all nations and places where I below it caught my eye. \"I desire to initially took me a while to figurehave banished you,' declares the do your will, O my God; your law out how to get everything doneLord, \"and will bring you back to is within my heart,\" it said. My eyes before the sun set at 3:30 p.m.the place from which I carried you widened and my breathing God spoke to me three times overinto exile.\" (29:12-14 NIV) The quickened. The verse answered The the year in an attempt to awakenverses seemed to be written just for Question: Is it wrong to be gay? I me from my lethargy -- in April,me. I could pray. I could put my know both sides of the argument, September and then October. Ifears about the future in God's and many shades of gray in only heard Him the third time,hands, since He already had a plan between. The verse, however, said when He stopped whispering andfor me. Furthermore, where was I if to me that I did not need to worry picked up a bullhorn. I am gladnot in exile in Russia? about who was right in their He kept persisting, and I hope He interpretation of the Bible: I already will continue. I still have trouble I read and reread the verses and knew right from wrong in my remembering to pray before I eat.then noticed an annotation next to heart.the word \"plans\" in verse 11. I As a footnote, Yura called exactly sixwondered whether I would learn Feeling like an enormous weeks after my last contact withmore about God's plans if I weight had been lifted, I went to Alyosha to say he had found afollowed the reference, which church on Sabbath, and I have clinic offering anonymous testing.pointed to Psalms 40:5. I debated returned every week since. I am The results came back negative.whether I would be taking God for amazed that the Sabbath School !granted by expecting to find lessons and sermons are nowOur Selves, Our Gift Biological characteristics and By Marcos Apolonio Brazil/USA learning to include single parents,life experience make us distinct divorced people, homosexuals,from each other. We have unique more valued than people, goals and those dealing with addictionsperceptions and abilities. However, more important than the personnel. and social disadvantages. Thesewe live in a crowded society where Churches, the most conservative of are the people who have the mostwe create patterns to classify systems, are often places where we difficulty valuing themselves.people in an attempt to make life have difficulty expressing ourmore practical, identifications personal questions or developing As we build our Kinshipfaster, and perhaps, control easier. particular abilities. This can be community I would like us toThere are advantages in finding especially difficult when we crave a encourage each other to review ourthings made on a large scale, for a community in which to use our unique features and value ourreasonable cost, in all sizes, so talents and our gifts and where we specialness. I want us to remembereverybody can use them. Yet when will not be pressured to “conform to take into consideration all theideas that dictate behavior are or leave”. The many people who people who have lived in differentinflexible we can have our leave religious organizations or times and places. I want us todevelopment limited or communities are those whose life remember that no one has neverjeopardized. Uniqueness becomes stories are different from most of existed with our hair texture, tonedeviant instead of treasured. the congregation; stories that of voice, fingerprints or iris of the would require more eye. Each of us is a unique gift to Television commercials understanding. Seventh Day ourselves and to our community.encourage sameness in what we Adventist communities are still We are blessed in that. Without awear, eat, drive, where we are good dose of self-love we cannothoused, and where we travel. Most love others. Without that love, weschool systems are structured to are at risk of being exploited andteach and evaluate in standardized manipulated. Without that love weways. Variations in learning styles may never believe we are able toare often not taken into account. In live up to our capabilities andmany bureaucracies, systems are dreams. ! 5

Update: Waiting on Baby’s Arrival Elena Davis-Stenhouse: Colorado, USADecember 22, 2005 anxious about how in the world my womb – it will be a loss to we will take care of this tiny, physically separate from the tiny With only 11 days until our fragile newborn. It feels good to baby who is fully sustained and“due date”, there are so many have the baby safe and protected in nurtured in my body. I know theemotions racing through our coming months will bring manyhearts! Excitement, anxiety, worry, trials and tribulations as we adaptglee! We’re now at weekly to life with a newborn. We hear alldoctor’s appointments: they the horror stories of becomingmeasure my belly, check the completely sleep deprived, stressesheartbeat (there is no sweeter on our relationship, colicky babiessound!), and check all my vitals. I who won’t stop screaming, andhave been blessed with an the horror of late night fevers andexceedingly easy pregnancy and illness. While it’s scary to think onstill feel relatively well, with only all this, I know that we are readyminor symptoms (e.g., puffy and that we will be able to surviveankles, intense itchiness, tiredness, and adapt to whatever happens. Itand now a silly waddling gait). was a two year process to conceiveBaby and I are healthy and all of this baby, nine more months tosigns point toward a smooth, easy grow this baby, and now as webirth. reach the pinnacle of all our hopes and dreams we’re ready to begin As Erin and I prepare for the this new lifetime of parentingbiggest miracle of all (the birth of adventures! We ask that ourour first baby), it’s an incredibly Kinship family keep us in yourbizarre feeling – so unreal -- and thoughts and prayers as ouryet so tangible as we feel our baby miracle unfolds! !wiggling about in my womb.We’re thrilled to meet our new sonor daughter – and yet nervous and Chloe Sage Born Christmas Day, 20056

Advertising SexualitiesMichele O’mara Many gay men and women refer to their partners as earlier. In talking with her brother about how upset she\"friends\" or \"roommates.\" Frequently I hear these beliefs was, she explained how hurt she was feeling. She saidexplained with things like \"Heterosexuals don't he seemed very baffled, saying things like, “you’ve gotadvertise their relationships, why should I?\" The bottom other friends, it will be okay – you can get a newline as I see it is that everyone is assumed to be roommate,” etc… When she realized he was respondingheterosexual unless it is suggested (or in some cases as if they were friends and not partners she stopped,\"proven\") otherwise. The need to \"advertise\" one's looked him square in the eyes and said, “You know I’mheterosexuality is redundant. It’s unnecessary. The gay, don’t you?” To which he gasped and replied,advertising is already in place everywhere, all of the “Well my God, you didn’t tell her that, did you? Notime. wonder she left!” Heterosexuality is like Coca-cola. Both have been In most cases, a heterosexual is unlikely to announcearound so long and each is so visible and widely their sexual orientation unless they are being perceivedknown that automatic assumptions are made about as gay. In cases where the assumption is made that theythem. In many regions of the country if a beverage is are gay, I have observed a wide variety of responses,dark and carbonated, it's a Coke, no matter what brand some more impressive than others. As rare as it mightit is. The same is true for humanity. If someone is be for most heterosexuals to be assumed gay, when ithuman, they are assumed to be heterosexual. I realize does happen, you will most commonly see a correctionthis is not true in all regions. Some areas refer to of this misunderstanding. How the correction plays outrefreshing cola beverages as \"pop\" or \"soda\" or even varies in style, grace and convincingness.\"soda pop.\" And the same is true about sexuality.Though in more progressive environments and diverse The worst I've seen is the adamant or even acommunities not everyone is assumed to be defensive, \"I'm not gay\" with a hint of \"how dare you\" toheterosexual. it. Next there is the more politically correct group, who knows what to say, or thinks they do. It may sound like Anyone who does not identify as heterosexual must this: \"No man, I'm not gay, but I've got gay friends sosay so for anyone to know. Mind you, \"saying so\" is it's cool. I don't have a problem with it.\" Moreoften done indirectly be it a gay flag on one's car, a impressive still, but not the best I've seen, is thestereotypical hair cut, dress, mannerism, hobbies, enlightened heterosexual who may simply say \"I'metc...and as many of you may have learned already, flattered, but not gay.\"relying on these unspoken messages can be dangerous.The point is, people won't assume you are gay unless Rarer yet are those who feel no need to correct thegiven a reason to do so. They just won't. Well, my mis-assumption at all. Instead they are comfortable andpartner might differ with this - she would say that I secure in their ability to simply be themselves,assume everyone is gay unless proven otherwise. So regardless of the assumptions made. They will mentionperhaps there are others like me out there, but I'd in a natural conversation their heterosexual relationshipventure to guess we are a minority. if it applies, or share stories that naturally fit into conversation that reveal their heterosexuality. As a result, any gay man or woman who wants to bevisible MUST work to be seen. And sometimes it's So let's try this on for size.more work than you might imagine. Take for example Upon being assumed heterosexual we could respondthe lesbian couple that has lived together for 6 years, with something like: \"Pleeeaaaase! I'm notcelebrated all holidays together, taken vacations heterosexual. Come on, give me a break!\" Or we couldtogether and even purchased a house together. Add to drop some of the defensiveness and say: \"I'm notthis picture one of the lesbian's mother trying to find heterosexual, but I don't have a problem with peopledates for her daughter's partner because she believes her who are. In fact, I've got a lot of heterosexual friends.\"daughter and her live-in, long-term partner and she are Better yet, we could say, \"I'm flattered, but notjust friends. People have an amazing ability to see heterosexual.\" Or best of all, I like this: we correct thewhat they want to, rather than what is real. mis-assumption by living our truth. We simply talk about our lives, naturally, just as heterosexuals do. We While doing a workshop on coming out issues, I live our truth by going about our life and ouronce had a woman stand up and share a true, personal relationships without censorship.story. She explained that after 9 years together, her Instead of saying to the coworker who asks aboutpartner left her. She was devastated and heart-broken your weekend, \"I went to a movie with a friend,\" youand though unusual for her, she sought support fromher family whom she had come out to many years Continued on page 8 7

Advertising Sexualities… your relationship as something worthy and good. Or it would be better to say, \"this is Sally\" than to say this iscan say \"My partner and I went to a movie.\" They then my \"good friend Sally\" because the former does nothave the opportunity to clarify, or to ignore. \"How devalue Sally, it simply leaves the possibilities of wholong have you been dating him?\" They may ask. To s/he is to you open, without breaching your comfort.which you can reply, \"Sally and I have been together You do not owe anyone an explanation about whofive years now.\" Suddenly the responsibility is on the Sally is to you. She is simply Sally.co-worker, not you, for dealing with this information.They have made assumptions. You have subtly and I have all of the compassion and understanding inrespectfully corrected them. The ball is in their court. If the world for people who feel shame about their sexualthey are uncomfortable, it is for them to work out. You orientation, or feel fearful about their safety or jobare no longer bearing the responsibility of protecting security, or those who worry about being rejected bythem from your truth. And all you have done is lived friends and family. I've been there. That is real, andyour truth. You corrected the assumption that your unfortunately, for some that is what happens uponpartner is a \"he\" while keeping the focus on the coming out. Fearing for our safety and ourquestion \"how long have you been dating.\" relationships is a symptom though. The real issue, the issue we must begin to face, is how we really feel about Of course there are some situations that require a who we are. Facing our truth, dealing with ourselvesmore direct correction if you have been actively honestly and finding ways to honor who we are, notmisleading family or friends to think you are diminish who we are is essential.heterosexual. It may require more finesse and sensitivityto communicate your sexual orientation in these I believe that we teach people how to treat us. If yousituations than in the one above with the new coworker, prioritize the feelings of everyone in your life overJohn. And of course there are also situations where this yourself then you can rest assured that everyone in yourkind of disclosure poses real threats to our safety, life is going to feel better than you. If we don’t acceptemployment and life. Many people hide their shame ourselves, whatever it is that makes us different, then webehind these fears. A teacher faces much greater threat invite others to also reject us.of job loss for example, than an employee of acompany with protections for sexual orientation written You are exactly who you were designed to be. Andinto their policies. The key is to be honest, to live in you are perfect, flaws and all. Live your truth -truth, not deception. whatever that is. The bottom line as I see it is, you can not Michele O’Mara was one of our guest speakers duringsimultaneously diminish the importance of your partner the 2005 St. Louis Kampmeeting. She is a therapist in the(\"this is my friend\" - a blatant minimization of the Indianapolis, Indiana area whose specialty isimportance he has in your life) and validate or own strengthening GLBTI couples and families. !Kinship Calendar March 25 - Region 2 SocialJanuary 12-14 - Workshop on Homosexuality and the April 1,2 - Kinship Africa KampmeetingSeventh Day Adventist Church. Ontario, California. April 14 - Region 2 VespersJanuary 13 - Region 2 Vespers Meeting April 21-23 - Region 2 sponsored Mini Kampmeeting inJanuary 14- Region 8 meeting in San Francisco at Rehoboth Beach DelawarePeter’s Home. During January there will also be a fieldtrip to the DeYoung Museum. April ? – Kinship Germany Weekend MeetingJanuary 28 - Region 2 Social May 12 - Region 2 Vespers Tentative Kinship Europe Weekend GatheringFebruary 4 - Region 2 Vespers May 28 - Region 2 SocialFebruary 11 - Region 1 meeting at Bob Bouchard'shome in New York City - Region 8 Meeting in Oakland June 30-July2 -SDA Kinship Women and Children First - Orlando, FloridaFebruary 25 - Region 2 Social July 2-9 - SDA Kinship International KampmeetingMarch 3 - Region 1 Meeting in Boston at Sean’s home. July 14-16 - Kinship Europe Meeting SwedenMarch 10 - Region 2 Vespers July 17-22 - Kinship Europe Holiday gatheringMarch 11 - Region 8 Meeting in Oakland September 30 - October 2: Australian KampmeetingMarch 17-19 - SDA Kinship International BoardMeeting; Redlands, California November 3-5: - Region 1 Mini Kampmeeting. Windsor, Vermont. !8

HIV and the Holiday MixThor Montgomery- Massachusetts, USA Living with both HIV and the holidays has unique referral from your infectious disease specialist. Theystressors. The winter festivities can be a break from the often know of mental health professionals whomundane life of pharmacies, doctors, and other specialize in HIV-related psychological issues. Therehealth-related issues. However, HIV status often are people for whom being in a support group of otheraccentuates the depression LGBTI people feel when HIV positive individuals is very important. Many areasisolated from family supports. This is especially true have groups for long-time survivors as well as forwith the many families who are ignorant about HIV people who are newly diagnosed. You can be referredissues. They forget that survival is our day-to-day basic to them by your local HIV/AIDS agencies or throughissue. Many of us are afraid that family members will your infectious disease physician. We deserve supporttake away our choice about when and to whom we to help us become our own best advocates. Many of usdisclose our HIV status. Many of us have to deal with have found that being on antidepressant medicationfamily reactions to the unfounded belief that HIV can be can help with long-term depression. Most governmentpassed on by simple, casual contact. drug programs recognize that people with HIV often need psychotherapeutic drug therapy. Don’t be afraid to Along with many who suffer difficult experiences in see a psychiatrist if you’re depressed continuously fortheir lives, those of us with HIV feel the pressure to over 6 weeks. Symptoms can include unintendedpretend to be happy and celebratory during the weight gain or loss, sleeping too much or insomnia. Asholidays, even though we might be depressed or even we live with HIV, it is critical to be proactive with ourfeel suicidal. After the gift-giving and shared time with psychological health.families and friends, returning to normal life can appearalmost unbearable. It is not helpful to hear those pat HIV/AIDS is a life threatening illness. But, when youphrases “We should just be happy we’re alive another think about it, life can be shortened by any number ofyear.”, even from others with HIV/AIDS. In principle this things. When I first tested positive at 19 years old,is a good thought. To someone who’s depressed, it’s a people were constantly asking me, “Aren’t you afraidbit like pouring alcohol on an open wound. you’ll die soon?” My response has not changed; “No.Sometimes we feel like screaming back, “Yes, but you Anyone could step off the curb tomorrow and get hit bydon’t have to live with my particular issues.” a bus.” That may over-simplify it for some, but it has certainly helped me get through my fifteen years of I am a great believer in psycho-therapy. I know, being HIV positive and my twelve years with AIDS.from personal experience, that it’s a helpful way to get Psychotherapy has been a great help. I still see athese feelings off our mind and, in a way, transfer them therapist once every couple months to work out issuesto someone else’s brain to digest. A good therapist or before they get too big to handle.listener can reflect our feelings and experiences back tous in a way which is easier to process. I believe that we In my next article I am planning to share somebuild both our strength and self-sufficiency when we go spiritual ways to deal with winter and post holidayfor counseling. While any therapist should know how issues. I have found that the love and grace of ourto deal with depression issues, I strongly suggest a Savior can give us hope for our very existence. !From Kinship’s Older Adult CoordinatorVirginia Reynolds.I would like to recommend the following URLs: http://www.lavenderseniors.org/ andhttp://www.asaging.org/networks/LGAIN/outword_online/current/index.cfm 9

The Fig Tree in the Vineyard Mike Lewis - Perthshire, Scotland Jesus told them this parable: “A man had a fig tree come and spoil my grapes.” I imagine the vinesgrowing in his vineyard. He came looking for fruit on thoroughly resented the fig tree that was growing thereit, but found none. He said to the vine-dresser, ‘For the quietly in the corner of the vineyard.last three years I have come looking for fruit on this figtree without finding any. Cut it down. Why should it One day the farmer comes looking for fruit, andgo on taking goodness from the soil?’ But he replied, doesn’t find any. He too, wants to be rid of it. But the‘Leave it, sir, for this one year, while I dig round it and gardener says “No, wait a while longer“. Fig trees willmanure it. And if it bears next season, well and good; if not bear fruit unless the ground is cultivated. They bothnot, you shall have it down.’\" (Luke 13:6–9 Revised know this, and it is the gardener who says he is willing,English Bible) even wanting to spend time cultivating this special plant. He wants to dig around it and fertilize it, encourage it, In the Bible figs and vines often seem to go prune it a bit, clear the weeds away from around thetogether. Moses in Deuteronomy 8:7-8 says, “The Lord trunk, and let some air get to it. Perhaps the gardeneryour God is bringing you to a good land … vines, fig also wants to cut back the vines that are encroaching ontrees, and pomegranates, a land with olive oil and the space that the fig tree needs. It’s going to be ahoney.” The author of the 105th Psalm talks about the painful business for all concerned. We can perhapsEgyptians oppression: “He blasted their vines and their imagine what the reaction of some of the plants mightfig trees...” In Biblical times the fig tree was a highly have been: “Oy! Mind where you’re putting thatprized plant, and often a sign of prosperity. 1 Kings spade….That’s my root you’re cutting through…Be4:25 says “Solomon ruled over all the kingdoms ….All careful where you put that fork…That’s so much morethrough his reign the people … lived in peace …under comfortable now you’ve taken that big boulderhis own vine and his own fig tree.” Figs were and are away…Can’t you leave those pretty dandelions; after all,as a medicine. Isaiah 38 tells the story of King they’re not doing any harm. ‘Surely you’re not going toHezekiah’s boil, and how he was told to put a poultice put all that smelly stuff for me to stand in…Ouch, thatof figs on it. The Bible also refers to the fig tree as a water’s cold.!”sign of stability: Micah 4:4 says “each man will situnder his own vine or his own fig tree, with none to I’m sure we want to assume a happy ending to thecause alarm.” story. The fig tree benefits from the ordeal and produces a bumper crop of fruit the following year. And probably In this parable Jesus is telling his audience about a the vines that are growing nearby benefit also, and theyfig tree in the corner of a vineyard. Most people in too produce a good crop of grapes the next autumn. AndJesus’ audience that day would have seen immediately of course both the gardener and the landowner arethat the story he was telling was relevant. Everyone had delighted, and everyone lives happily every after.a vineyard, and many had a fig tree. But, what was a fig Whether Jesus was referring only to the condition of thetree doing in a vineyard? Surely a vineyard is a place for nation of Israel at the time I don’t know, but I think wegrowing grapes. What was the fig tree doing there can find an LGBTI application in this story.where it wasn’t supposed to be? Had it been plantedthere deliberately? Or was it growing there by accident? Am I a vine or a fig tree?Maybe it was there as a result of a bird dropping a seed, Am I just an ordinary plant growing in God’s garden,and that seed germinating and growing; growing wanting to be left alone to produce a crop of grapes eachslowly over a number of years until it was a mature tree? autumn, or am I a special plant which God has placedMaybe the landowner planted it there deliberately, and deliberately in this particular corner of His garden?had been waiting for years for it to bear fruit. That’s just Whether we see ourselves as a vine or a fig tree, God haswhere he wanted it to grow for his own unexplained planted us where we are for His sublime purpose. Godreasons. At the end of the day we do not know the has made us as we are: human, and yet with a spark ofreason why it was growing just there. the divine set alight within each of our souls. Each one of us is different from the other, and, we are I wonder what the vines said about the fig tree. all loved extravagantly by God our Maker and Jesus our“What an ugly set of leaves. Why doesn’t it have nice Saviour. Maybe we are happy with what we are, maybeleaves like I do… What a nuisance that fig tree is: we would prefer to be something else. God has made ushiding the sun, taking all the moisture out of the soil: I as we are and put us where we are, we are special in Hiswish the gardener would chop it down… What use is eyes, and He is going to come and dig around us. Thatit? Doesn’t produce any fruit. What a waste of space… action of the Deity will probably make us feel a bitAll the birds that come and settle on its branches just uncomfortable. None of us like being disturbed. We10

don’t like the spade and the fork The Journal of Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc.interfering with our roots,loosening us, discomforting us. Editor: Catherine Taylor Submit articles or letters forWe don’t always like being fed. Circulation: Fred Casey publication to the Connection EditorFor most of us, we don’t like cold European Editor: Ruud Kieboom at [email protected] being poured on our feet. Photography: Karen WetherellBut these processes are necessary Production: Ted Compton The mention or appearance offor us if we are to grow and Printing: Doolittle’s PrintServe any names, organizations orflourish. These are the times to photographs in this publication isremember that we are all special in The Connection is published by not meant to imply a fact orGod’s sight. Seventh-day Adventist Kinship statement about sexual orientation International, Inc. Principal office: or activity. God tells us in His Word that we P.O. Box 49375, Sarasota, FLare the apple of His eye. He takes 34230-6375; 866-732-5677. Subscription requests or addressdelight in us. He made us and we Submissions are welcome, and may changes may be sent to:are His. What wonderful be directed to the editor a t Subscriptions, P.O. Box 49375,reassurance these words should be [email protected] or Sarasota, FL 34230-6375, or call tollto us. God sees each one of us as mailed to the principle office, free from inside the U.S. at 866so special that He gave Himself for address above. Include your name 732-5677 or toll from outside theeach one of us. Gave up Heaven as you want it published, address U.S. at 01-941-371-7606, or emailfor 30 years. Came and lived with and telephone number. If an item is [email protected]. The Kinshipus because He wanted to be close to be acknowledged or returned, mailing list is confidential and usedto us. Everyone of us is special and please include a self-addressed, only by Kinship officers. Theprecious to Him. So special that He stamped envelope. Some mailing list is not sold, rented, oreven died for us. How much more Connection contributors have exchanged for any purpose.special could we be? chosen to remain anonymous or use pseudonyms. © 2006 Connection. All rights In this parable of the fig tree in reserved. Reproduction in whole orthe vineyard I see a God who looks The Connection reserves the right in part without permission isafter the usual and the unusual, the to edit manuscripts for length, prohibited. OPINIONS EXPRESSEDordinary and the extraordinary, the syntax, grammar, and clarity. HEREIN ARE NOT NECESSARILYLGBTI people and the straight THOSE OF SDA KINSHIPones. I see a God who cares for INTERNATIONAL.and nurtures all the plants thatgrow in His garden. Member of the Gay and Lesbian Press Association. Do you realize that you’respecial? Do you accept that you’re Letter to the Editorspecial? Do you feel special? Ifyou do there’s an associated health December 16, 2005warning: “Being special means Dear Catherine,getting special treatment” Andspecial treatment doesn’t always I am not usually one to read newsletters, but I must tell you that I trulymean extra helpings of chocolate look forward to receiving and reading the Kinship newsletter like neverice cream. Special treatment is before, since you have taken over. I think the main reason for my enjoying itwhen God comes and starts so much is being able to put faces with names, and I love reading about ourdigging around your roots. people’s lives instead of all the politics.Special treatment can be disturbingand sometimes very painful. Kinship is like a family to me, and I love knowing what is going on withPerhaps there should be a health my family and experiencing the growth, the problems and the issues. Notwarning: “Beware, when God being able to attend Kampmeeting for the past few years I love seeing all ofcalls you special it can cause severe the fresh blood that is coming in, and all genders being included.pain”. But just as physiotherapycan be painful, and dieting can be Thank you for all the work that you do to keep the newsletter fresh.painful and the daily routine of (Now print this!)work can be painful, all of theseare necessary parts of our existence. Lovingly,And belonging to God is no Jesse L. Martindifferent. Perhaps “Special” and Los Angeles, California“Pain” will always go together inthis world. hand in hand 2000 years ago. The pain as Jesus faced. But it’s most Special person ever to be because of what He endured that Special and pain certainly went joined with the human race we can be called Special, whether underwent the most intense pain we’re grapes or figs. than anyone could ever face. We ! will never be called to face such 11

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