Developing Personality

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Chapter 1: Dress Ethics………………………………...04Chapter 2: Let your body do the talking……..….16Chapter 3: Conversation skills………………….…...34Chapter 4: Promoting etiquette…………………….45Chapter 5: Learn to assert yourself……………….57Chapter 6: Positive attitude…………………………..65Chapter 7: Building self-confidence……………….74 2

Hello reader, thank you for choosing this book. Inthis book you will learn how to develop personality orhow to improve current personality with only 7 stepsto consider in mind. This 7 steps are very basic stepsand they are not that hard. This book will help to achieve goal by followingand implementing this 7 steps in life. This book is forall. Everyone can adopt this book as guide to developpersonality. We all always think what is personality?Each person has his/her own personality and it’sunique. I would suggest not to copy anyone else’spersonality, because it will just help for a little timeand it is possible that you will be known as thatpersonality not you. Everyone has their ownpersonality inside them, we just need to explore itand develop by time to time experiences in our life. The information in this book has been gatheredfrom different-different sources, it is like buyingdifferent spices and vegetables from different storesand making one recipe at home. So the book is finalrecipe for all, hope you like it. Read this book andstart following this simple steps and you will see thedifference. One more thing every success needs adedication. If you have it in you than go for it, no onecan stop you from achieving success. 3

CHAPTER 1DRESS ETHICS 4

Among the 7 steps of Personality Development,or you can say improvement, the first step is DressEthics. Being a well-dressed gives a good impressionon others as well as it increases our self-confidence. Studies have shown that when people are wellgroomed and faultlessly attired, it heightens theirsense of self-worth, making it easier to think aboutsuccess and achieve it.Do's Concentrate on quality. Your work clothes must be comfortable and be suited to your job. Choose colours which enhance your skin tone. Wear fabrics which go with the weather. Visit designer shops to know what the in-thing is. The colours of the shirts with trousers or tops with skirts should be in harmony with each other. Pick up a style which suits you. Well-tailored clothes make a world of difference. Purchase clothes which go well with your body structure. Arrange the clothes in your wardrobe systematically. 5

Don'ts Don't just buy something because it's a bargain. Avoid new trends as most of them have a three- month life-span. Don't wear a readymade outfit without alteration. Don't end up piling your wardrobe with favourite colours. Don't buy a lot of outfits at the same time and from the same place. Don't be too impressed by fashion shows as the clothes displayed there may not suit your lifestyle. Never wear apparels meant for social dos at your workplace, not even when you are fed up with them. Avoid running after popular labels. Don't be fooled by a smart salesperson while making a purchase. Avoid power dressing. 6

Always take care of your clothesTaking good care of your clothes is also important.Always keep in mind the following steps: Clean quality clothes regularly. Do the necessary alterations/repair work before donning the apparel. Use a good clothes brush. Protect your clothes from bad weather. Maintain garments in cloth covers. Avoid strong detergents which harm the fabric. Don't overexpose clothes to sunlight as it can ruin the colour of the clothes. Don't use sprays and naphthalene balls on gentle fabrics. Never place moist clothes in the wardrobe. Besides emanating a foul smell, they will ruin your wardrobe too. Remember not to overload the pockets. 7

Choose the right AccessoriesMaking use of the right kind of accessorycompliments your personality. A leather briefcase,instead of an overstuffed handbag or a plastic carrier,projects a business like image.Handbags Small handbags give a neat look. An overflowing bag looks messy and portrays muddled thinking. Ethnic bags are fine if you are a teenager or still attending college. A plastic bag gives an unprofessional look. A leather briefcase projects a business-like image. A portfolio usually gives a dull look.Wristwatches Punctuality is the stepping-stone to success.Wearing a wristwatch is of utmost importance tostudents as well as professionals. The timepiecehe/she is wearing often judges a person. The colour ofthe dial should be in harmony with your apparel. Thelatest trend is to wear the wristwatch on the right 8

hand by emulating Omega models Cindy Crawfordand Shahrukh Khan.SunglassesIn today’s market there are lots of variety ofsunglasses available in the market and on onlinestores. Make sure you use good quality sunglasses toprotect your vision from UV rays. While choosing aframe, go in for a style that suits your face.JacketsJackets and blazers are ideal business apparels. Thefabric should hang well without creasing easily. Blues,greys and chocolate browns are safe choices for men.Patterned jackets give women a more feminine andtraditional look.TiesTies should be worn to let the tip come halfwayacross the belt buckle, not allowing the thin end toshow. In classy silk ties worn with business suits, thestripes should run from the left shoulder downwards.A cut on the cross is a good tie, which makes it hangwell.ShoesShoes need to be comfortable as well as suitable foryour workplace. 9

Invest in good-quality leather shoes, preferably black,unless you can afford other colours too.Shoes should be stuffed with tissues to keep them inshape.A low or medium heel is ideal.Even if you are wearing the most expensive shoes intown, they will not make an impact unless they arewell polished. 10

Colours reflects your mood Colours are more important, they reflect yourmood towards others. Every colour has its ownchemistry. Colours have strong personality links. They reflect the wearer's state of mind and attitude. Blue colour commands respect and authority. The vast sky is blue and so are the oceans. The colour has an aura of serenity. Yellow colour symbolizes caution, novelty and warmth. People suffering from mental sickness are advised to look at yellow coloured objects. Yellow curtains and walls have a soothing effect. Green denotes security, relaxation, an easy going temperament and a love for life. It creates a good work environment. Red, the brightest of all colours symbolizes, anger, danger and strong human passions. It also makes food smell better. Orange is the colour of power mingled with sacrifice. It is linked with an informal approach, and attracts attention at the first glance. Brown is believed to be a serious colour, which has an informal and relaxed masculine nature. 11

White is definitely the colour of goodness, puritymingled with chastity, cleanliness, delicacy,refinement and formality. The colour has apeaceful effect on the wearer.Black links to sophistication with mystery. Itsymbolizes power and authority.Silver, Gold and Platinum are regal colours,symbolizing wealth and authority. 12

Groom yourself A well-groomed personality looks good in almostany outfit, but someone with unkempt hair looksunpleasant even in the most expensive designer'ssuit. The essential components of grooming are agood diet and a healthy lifestyle, which work togetherto give a positive image.For a glowing crowning glory Always make sure that your hair is well groomedand up-to-date. Working women should avoid wildflowing locks. It's best to keep hair short andmanageable or tied back if it's long to give a neat look.Hair should be cleaned as and when required, keepingthe weather in mind. Your hairstyle should suit theshape of your face. A small face looks better with back combed hair,whereas tightly tied up hair gives a longer look to along or oval face. A side parting suits the long face anda broad forehead can be covered up with a fewstrands of hair. Nourishing and conditioning the hair is of equalimportance these days. Split ends should be got rid ofat regular intervals. Grey hair too can be overcome byusing good hair colour or the traditional henna. 13

Look beautiful, naturally Natural looks are in. Your daily makeup routingfor the day should comprise of a basic sunscreen tofight UV rays and a light lipstick, which goes withyour apparel. You can opt for the suitable foundationand eye shadow with an outfit for a party at night.Strong perfumes must be replaced with milder onesfor your place of work.Tips for a smarter youWe aren't all born perfect. A few dressing tips to helpyou overcome your shortcomings. If you are short or of average height, wear thin striped outfits as they will make you look taller. Avoid long skirts if you are petite and short skirts if you are tall. Skin-tight outfits are a big no-no if you are skinny. If you are overweight, opt for well-fitting apparels. Black outfits tend to give a sleek image, whereas white outfits draw attention to excess fat. 14

Keep Your Daily Routine Strict withOne should always have some strict daily routine. Always take sleep of minimum six to seven hours. A glass of lukewarm water with lemon, teaspoon of honey in the morning. This will give you energy throughout the day as well it will clean your body system. Always do some regular exercise like brisk walking, cycling, swimming or go to gym. Never miss your breakfast. Having a good breakfast in the morning give energy to our body. Avoid tobacco, caffeine and alcohol. 15

CHAPTER 2:LET YOUR BODY DO THE TALKING 16

Let your Gestures speak It is a good habit of using good gestures while wecommunicate with others, it gives a good impact onthe listeners if you use the correct gesture. Whilespeaking to others if you spread your both arm backshowing you are so tired of work, gives very badimpression on others as well as shows your lack ofconfidence. Always try to evaluate yourself while youtalk to others or you give any presentation. Try tospeak to yourself in the mirror when you are alonewith some good gestures, like waving a hand, usingyour eyebrows, giving a smile, shaking head a little. Improving yourself is not bad, we all are notperfect by birth, but we shape ourselves by theexperiencing life events. In our ever-changing highlypressured lifestyles, perhaps the only constant is lackof time. Body language with its gestures and facialexpressions comes to our rescue. Gestures are like words in a language, givingmeaning to our actions. Often people are able tospeak more through them than words. Lack of correctexpression dilutes the intensity of the spoken words. In eloquent speaking, it is the manner that winsnot words. The furrows of the forehead, positioning ofthe eyebrows, exaggerated opening of the eyes,flaring of the nostrils speak volumes. 17

We express a myriad of attitudes by not just onegesture, but a series of related ones, called gestureclusters. They are groups of nonverbalcommunications associated with different attitudes.The gestures that comprise a cluster can occur at thesame time, as locking arms and ankles and making afist, or occur one after the other. The so-called nervous laugh is a good example ofincongruity. Not only are there nervous arm and legmovements, but the entire body shifts as thoughtrying to escape from an unpleasant situation. Thisgesture cluster seldom results from a humorousstatement. It indicates that the laughter is unsure ofhimself or even somewhat frightened by a situation.By mentally matching congruent gestures that formclusters we can understand the attitudes expressedand discover some meaning. 18

Eye to EyeA famous poet and essayist R. W. Emerson once saidthat, “The eyes of men converse as much as theirtongues, with the advantage that the ocular dialectneeds no dictionary, but is understood the worldover.”Your windows to the world can be used to convey thefollowing!Raised eyebrows and wide open eyes expressastonishment. When eyebrows are usually down, particularly at the inner end they produce a frown. Eye contact while talking reflects how confident you are and while listening shows your interest in what the other person has to say. Shy individuals avoid eye contact or at least try to minimize it. Studies reveal that such people 19

could be the most honest, sincere and dedicated individuals around. Gaze aversion is employed when a person is uncomfortable or guilty about a question being asked. But eye contact increases dramatically in a defensive, aggressive or hostile situation. Eye contact may express adoration between lovers. Squinting the eyes slightly expresses the wish to foresee an answer to a problem. Slight blinking of the eyes shows involvement in some sort of meditation.A Mouthful of GesturesDo you realize that your mouth, which does most ofthe talking literally, can say a lot more physically too?Here's how… A smile, which does not bare your teeth, shows that you are in a reflective mood and are amused at your musings. During an upper smile the upper incisors are exposed and there is usually eye to eye contact. Such a smile is used while meeting friends or greeting parents. 20

A wide smile is associated with laughter. Both the upper and lower incisors are exposed and an eye-to-eye contact seldom occurs. Beware of the oblong smile. It is used when someone has to be polite and pretend to enjoy a joke or an off-the-cuff remark. The lips are drawn back from the upper and lower teeth forming an oblong. Highly emotional people in a sorrowful situation take deep breaths and expel air slowly making long sighing sounds. If a cigar smoker blows the smoke upwards it indicates confidence. When a cluck sound is made the tongue is raised to the roof of the mouth and released to drop quickly. This sound is associated with a self- satisfaction gesture. A hand covering the mouth while speaking is a gesture of astonishment, or when someone is sorry about what one said.Nasal TalkYou won’t believe in first attempt that our nosespeaks too, you will be surprised at the latentmeanings your nasal expressions. 21

Touching or slightly rubbing the nose, usually with the index finger shows you are in doubt. It can even symbolize an attempt to hide reality. Pinching the bridge of the nose with eyes shut communicates great thought and concern about the decision to be made. A person in self-conflict does this often. Flared nostrils are danger signals warning the person at the receiving end of the impending outburst. During a negotiation, touching the nose signals that the person is not ready for the settlement. In the course of time if he/she stops this and moves towards the end of the chair, settlement follows. People who are furious usually take short breaths and expel the air through the nostrils.Hand talkOur hands are the most abused part of our body.Sign language for the deaf and the dumb showshow effective hands are when it comes to non-verbal communication. 22

Hand-to-cheek is a gesture of the thinker, a person thoroughly engrossed in working out a problem. You are playing the role of a critical evaluator to the hilt if you bring your hand to your face and support your chin with your palm extending your index finger along your cheek. Stroking the chin is a “Well, let me consider” gesture.The pulling of the beard usually with the thumb andindex finger, is the gesture of a wise man making ajudgment.Joining the fingertips to form what might bedescribed as a church steeple. It designates theconfident and sometimes smug, pontifical, egoistic, orproud gesture.Handshake is a gesture of welcome: interlockingpalms and touching signifies oneness. Experts analysecharacter and attitude from a person's handshake.Perspiring palms usually indicate nervousness. 23

Women, while expressing sincere feelings hold eachother's hands.Open hands are a gesture associated with sincerityand openness.Hiding hands in pockets or behind the back indicatesa feeling of guilt or suspicion.Arms closed on the chest is a defensive gesture.In a cross-armed position, if the fingers are aroundthe biceps, it is a protective posture.In sign language an extended right thumb upwardsmeans well, but the left little finger means evil.The hands-on-hips gesture is the sign of a highachiever. It communicates commitment to goals. Thisgesture may also indicate a readiness to perform atask.Arms spread out with hands gripping the edge of thetable is employed by a person demanding to be heard.A woman is reassured by gracefully bringing her handto her throat or by pinching the fleshy part of herhand.A child needing reassurance sucks his thumb and ateenager bites his nails. 24

Wringing hands is common when someone is in thehot seat. Slightly clenched hands indicate a tensedperson who is not open to suggestions. A clenched fistsignifies determination, anger and possible hostileaction.Palm-to-back-of-neck gesture is called a defensivebeating posture.When people join their fingertips in a church steepleform, it signifies a confident gesture.Hands joined together at the back and chin thrustupwards is a position of authorityNervousGestures and expressions always expose our innerstate of mind though we try to camouflage them.Imagine yourself at an interview for which you aresuitable. But all the time you fiddle with your hair orrock your legs. These negative signals leak outmessages of nervousness and dilute the impact ofyour capability and knowledge.“Key to success is never ever let others know yourinner states.” 25

Nervous gestures include:Biting of the nails or scratching a lotTapping the foot or rocking the legSitting on the edge of the chair.Carrying books or papers across your chest.Crossed armsLegs in a slumped posture.Fiddling with dress, hair, jewellery, watch, tie etc.Repeatedly clearing the throatKeeping hands in your pockets.Pacing up and down the floorYour walk says it ALLHave you heard people saying that he walks like alion? One of my friend’s sister went to her father andsaid, “Dad, I want to be a model.”Her father replied, “Do you know catwalk?? You walklike your mother.” And her mother heard everything,my friend’s father had to walk like a turtle for fewmonths as he got fractured, reason we all know, noneed to reveal it.Anyway, our style of walking says it all about. 26

Each one of us has a distinctive walk with the pace,length of stride, and posture changing with emotions. Generally those who walk rapidly and swingtheir arms freely tend to be goal oriented The person who habitually walks with hands inpockets, even in warm weather, is critical andsecretive. He/she plays the role of the devil'sadvocate quite well, since putting other people downhappens to be a favourite pastime. When rejected, people scuffle along with theirhands in their pockets, seldom looking up or noticingwhere they are headed. A person who walks with hands on hips is morelike a sprinter than a long-distance runner. When preoccupied, we assume a meditativepose, walking slowly with head down, hands claspedbehind the back. Walking with a raised chin, the arms having anexaggerated swing and somewhat stiff legs signalsself-satisfaction and pompousness. The pace isdeliberate, calculated to impress. Setting the pace is an expression that appliesequally well to leaders of men whose subordinateskeep in step behind them. 27

Buyer versus Seller In many typical sales transactions both partiesadopt the ‘‘I am going to win and you are going tolose'' attitude. This causes an elevation of humanreactions with the interaction going like this: The buyer sits back, away from the desk, foldshis arms, crosses his legs, and suspiciously says,‘‘what do you want to talk about?'' The seller responds by getting up on the edge ofhis chair, feet in a sprinter's position, body leaningforward in a take-charge attitude, waving his handsand using his index finger to drive home his point.The seller's ‘‘Tell you what I'm going to do'' approachcauses the buyer to withdraw and become defensive. Some agents assume this characteristic posebecause they like to make others squirm, talk toomuch or simply perform while they act as spectatorsrather than participants. Experienced salesmen know how important it isto ‘‘close the gap'' between buyer and seller, so theyare prepared with photographs, reports or visualpresentations. With these they try to move aroundthe desk or at a right angle to the buyer, alwaysmaking it a point to return to his original position onthe opposite side of the desk, especially if the buyer 28

reacts by crossing his arms or making some otherdefensive gesture. Gesture-clusters seen in a buyer-sellerrelationship. The buyer is leaning far back in his chair, awayfrom the seller, and is steep ling. His coat is buttonedand his legs are crossed while he swings one foot as ifimpatient with what is being said. A slight scowlindicates he is not ready to buy or accept what theseller is offering. The seller is leaning in an action-orientedposition. His gesture with the upturned palms of hishands, his smile, and unbuttoned coat indicate he isbeing open and desires the buyer to feel comfortable.He has reached the critical stage of his salespresentation. If he says the wrong thing now, thebuyer may signal this by crossing his arms over hischest or crossing his legs so that the elevated footpoints away from the seller and towards the nearestexit.Know your boss betterAre you an employee who hates to be told what to doall the time? Chances are that you are already in thegood books of your superiors. Just polish up your acta bit by learning to read their non-verbal signals. Who 29

knows it might even catapult you up the corporateladder. If your boss handshakes by grabbing your hand firmly or turning over your palm, he/she is reiterating his authoritarian position. Raised eyebrows, slight twisting of the head, the look of doubt are gestures of a boss not accepting his/her subordinate. Often the hands of the boss are casually tucked in his coat pocket with the thumb sticking out. This gesture reflects confidence. Clenching the fist indicates authority Using the index finger while beckoning an employee is a threatening sign. If your boss rocks his/her chair forward or backward or from side to side, he/she is confident about getting the job done. Your boss may stand up indicating that a decision has been made or when restless or bored of the conversation.Your body can be rude too!Conveying your dislike and annoyance to someoneneed not always end up in verbal abuse. There are 30

several other ways in which your body sends out yourmessage. Tilting the head back or closing eyes while talking. Peering over the top of the glasses. Banging the table at a joke. Wringing hands. Chewing pens or cleaning ears or nails before others. Sitting or leaning over someone's desk. Greeting someone by remaining slumped in your chair. Ignoring people when they greet you. Placing your head in the palm of your hand. Working or looking at the watch while someone is talking to you. Whispering, puffing or grimacing before someone. Getting up from the meal before others finish or packing up papers before the meeting is over. Shaking hands hardly or limply. Drumming on the table or desk. Drooping eye position with head in the palm of the hand. Engaging in a finger-banging exercise on the nearest piece of wood. 31

Doodling or scribbling absent-mindedly.Self-Control gestures“Men can almost always tell when a man has handledthings for himself; and then they treat him as one ofthemselves.” - Rudyard Kipling Holding an arm behind the back while the other hand grips the wrist tightly. Locked ankles and clenched hands gripping the armrests of the chair. Restraining an arm or gripping the wrist.Acceptance Gestures“What you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hearwhat you say.” -Ralph Waldo EmersonHand-to-chest gesture endorses loyalty, honesty anddevotion. It portrays the sincerity of the person. Moving closer to a person is akin to closing thegap or it could even mean a private conversation. 32

Touching the arm or shoulder is used to reassuresomeone.Positive Gestures Carrying documents to one side, rather than to the chest. Maintaining eye contact, tilting the head and nodding are positive gestures of a good listener. While talking on the phone, a polite nod or a finger gesturing a visitor to wait shows your good manners. Stopping your work or shutting your book when someone approaches you. 33

CHAPTER 3:CONVERSATION SKILLS 34

Always evaluate yourself when you are having aconversation with some important person, also try touse words which are easily grasped, try to understandthe expressions of listeners (if they are in front of youface to face) while they listen to you. This littleexercise helps you to become a good speaker ortrainer. In today’s life most of you have heard RadioJockeys. They always try themselves to improve byresponses of their listeners. One more thing you needto keep in mind that never stop learning and reading.Conversation skill can be developed by evaluatingothers through day to day life experiences, bywatching television, by listening radio, by readinggood novels. Since times immemorial, speakers no matter howfamous they became later on have had to go throughthe grind of learning conversation skills to make theirspeeches more impressive. The subject of your talk can be: Mused over during odd moments. 35

Pondered over and dreamt of while bathing, shaving, driving, cooking or waiting for elevators. Discussed with friends and thus made a topic of conversation.How to Open a Talk The introduction of your talk could be a sentenceor two wading into the heart of your subject with theleast possible words. Humour can prove to be theicing on the cake, as long as it is relevant to yourstory. You could sound interesting by: Arousing curiosity Beginning with an example Relating a human interest story Asking questions Opening with a quotation Convincing the audience on the vitality of the topic for them Starting with a shocking fact Not sounding formalYou all must be thinking where to bring humourfrom? Yeah that’s a good question but that you allhave to find it out yourself. 36

Once I told this thing to my friend that bring somehumour while your conversation, he replied, “I canbring hammer but where to bring humour from??”I guess you all understand what humour is??How to close a talkThe way you close a speech is remembered thelongest. Certain things should be kept in mind whileclosing: Stop talking but do not talk about stopping. Like “That's about all I've to say on the matter. So I guess I'll stop”. This has a dull effect on the listeners. The talk should be rounded off smoothly. It can be concluded by saying something humorous or paying the audience a sincere compliment Summarize your speech by briefly mentioning the main points in the end Close by making an appeal calling for action A biblical quotation or a verse of poetry is a thoughtful ending. Building up a climax leads to an effective ending. 37

Pack in human interestAsk yourself all possible questions. You are sure toremember your own observations, desires andexperiences while speaking. You could relate yourown struggles, defeats, hopes and triumphs.It is important to give a real life image to our talk.The truthful, inside story of anyone's life, if toldmodestly and without offending egotism -- is the mostentertaining.There is something else besides mere words, whichmatters in a talk. It is the flavour with which youexpress yourself. It is not so much what you say, ashow you say it.Do not talk as if delivering just a speech, with nosense of communication, no give and take betweenyourself and the audience. This attitude will kill theconversation.Do not imitate others. Try to speak spontaneouslyand create your own style.Attract attention by: Stress on the important words in a sentence andsubordinate the unimportant ones. The pitch of your voice should flow up and downthe scale from high to low and back again. 38

Pause before and after your important ideas. Ask questions between – “You ask how I knowthis? I'll tell you.” Or “How do you feel about this?” Put your heart into your talk, bringing out yourtrue emotions and sincerity.Tips for communicating effectivelyTalking over the phone Let me tell you one very interesting thing,we broke the record of talking over the phonethis last year, and the other interesting thing isthat we will break it again in 2015. Anyway, the following guidelines will help youhold a perfect conversation over the telephone: A pad and pen should be kept handy instead of making the person on the line wait till you find them. Sound relaxed on the phone although you may be busy. At office always mention your name and department while answering the phone. Smoking or eating should be avoided while conversing on the phone. 39

The message should be noted down correctly and repeated to confirm whether you have received it with clarity. Do not converse with anyone else while on the phone. You should answer the call as soon as you pick up, don't leave the caller holding the line.Communicate with Clarity by: Avoiding technical terms and words, which are difficult for the layman to comprehend. You should be very clear in your mind about what you are saying. Don't repeat your ideas and phrases. Your conversation should appeal to the sense of sight. This has a powerful effect on the listener. Do not speak too much on a topic. The effect gets diluted.Tone The pitch and tone of your voice must beeffective. You could judge it by recording your voice.A general phrase can be said in four different ways:“It's been a pleasure to be a part of this organizationfor these many years.” 40

You can change the pitch and tone to sound: Sincere Sarcastic Surprised Angry Loud reading is the best exercise to improve thepitch and tone of your voice. Make it a point to beconfident about what you speak. Lack of confidencemight make your voice toneless.Jaw If we work on each of the consonants bypronouncing them in an exaggerating movement, itwould help to loosen the jaws.Lips Loudly repeating the letter ‘P' helps to warm upthe lips. You could purse your lips by pronouncing theworld ‘spit' with stress.Tongue Tongue twisters help the most to make thetongue flexible. You must be thinking that it is flexiblealready, it does not have bone, but here I am talkingabout another flexibility, try the following and youwill notice that suddenly you got a bone in yourtongue. 41

“She sells sea-shells on the sea-shore” Or “Red leather, yellow leather”I know you are laughing right now, but it’s a goodexercise to make tongue flexible.Pace Words spoken in a hurry tend to lose theirimpact. Being too slow would for sure give a dulleffect. Take time to express your important thoughts.Fast speaking might lead you to stammering. A breakis welcome between words, which are food forthought.Pauses If a pause is allowed during a conversation, itdoes not fall flat. In fact a quick thought can be addedto the words already spoken. Time should be given toothers to express their thoughts. Interruption is not ahealthy conversation ethic.Mumbling This is a sign for lack of confidence. To avoid thisone should look up and speak rather than speak tothe floor. 42

Jargon Long complicated phrases and words must bereplaced with short simple words. A goodconversation has no room for jargon.Waffle The longer the story the more complicated itbecomes, projecting you as a liar. Speak confidentlyand concisely without repeating yourself.AccentWork on your tone to improve your accent.WordsIt is effective to have a positive speech pattern usingwords like ‘positively', ‘surely' or definitely.PunctuationImportant words should always be stressed upon tobring a complete effect. Penning thoughts and readingthem aloud in a correct manner will help.PostureA correct posture covers up the presentation of yourthought. Sit upright in the chair with fingertips at theabdomen. Correct breathing also helps to boost yourposture. 43

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CHAPTER 4:PROMOTING ETIQUETTE 45

Manners that make you blushIf you tend to forget your manners and do thefollowing, it's time you took a basic lesson inetiquette. Interrupting someone who is talking over the phone. Not replying to letters and invitations. Being loud in public places and offices. Turning up late for appointments and not apologizing. Smoking in the work place. Borrowing but not returning things. Not apologizing after dialling a wrong number on the phone. Leaving a room in a messy state. Not introducing people when in company. Not giving the phone message to the person whom it is meant for. Yawning loudly, whispering, and asking your secretary to do personal chores… the list could go on. 46

Become the perfect colleague by: Treating your clients as well as colleagues with respect. Be punctual, as it is the most valued etiquette at the work place. If you are going to be late try to inform your boss/colleagues/clients. A ten minutes delay should not extend to an hour. When you are unable to take up a new assignment, try to work out some alternate arrangement instead of refusing flatly. Remember to greet your colleagues with a smile. A word of appreciation is always welcome by everyone, whether it is for the peon/office boy who prepares your tea, or a devoted colleague or for the cooperation of your seniors.Cross Cultural etiquette Etiquette is a part of your grooming. Your family, friends, school, work place and even the country you live in define the manners you practice. Each country has a distinctive culture and its unique set of etiquette. With the increasing multitude of options to choose from, the world has become a small place to work in. So before you pack your bags for an overseas assignment, arm yourself with the knowledge of basic etiquette in different countries. 47

Germany The Germans are basically straightforward people. Whispering might signal bad manners in many cultures, but in Germany it might be interpreted as two people discussing something, which does not concern others. It's customary to shake hands both at the beginning of a meeting and when you say goodbye. Not doing so would make you look like a snob. Germans treat people of all ranks and positions with respect. Use of the first name is common. It is appropriate to address someone in the honorific form `Sir` and the surname. If you're invited for a meal you've to be sure that you reach at the stated time. For Germans 7 o'clock in the evening means sharp seven. In Germany it's customary to take flowers for the host who has invited you for a meal or tea. The correct etiquette is to unwrap the flowers from the wrapping paper in the presence of the hostess. Christmas and birthdays are occasions for exchanging gifts. 48

France The French greet people by saying ‘Bonjour Monsieur' to a man and ‘Bonjour Madame' to a woman. Instead of shaking hands, relatives and close friends kiss each other. Group discussions often become heated. This is not being impolite; it's their habit to exchange quick ideas. The French are expected to dress smartly and use titles correctly. They believe a lot in punctuality. During a negotiation you're expected to be clean, precise and logical. French are warm hosts. They want you to enjoy the meal, but you should desist from clearing the table. 49

Japan The word ‘Thanks' is most common in Japan. When people meet again they express ‘Thank you for your kindness the other day'. They bow to each other on being introduced. Too much of eye contact is impolite behaviour in Japan. It is bad manners to point at a person or object with the index finger. Japanese do not show affection in public and avoid slapping backs or hugging. Blowing the nose is regarded as bad manners. Winking or shrugging shoulders is not taken in the usual sense in Japan. It's an insult to tip anybody. Overcrowded trains and buses are endured silently. When wishing to say ‘No' in a business deal they will be polite by saying ‘Well, may be' or ‘Do you think so'. Japanese tend to telephone or write back promptly even if the news is little. Businessmen in Japan on meeting first exchange their visiting cards. In hotels they offer a steamed hot towel to wipe the face. 50