What I did on my Holiday

‘What?’ I ask. ‘You’ll be back,’ he says. ‘I’m still here,’ I point out. ‘Nah. I don’t mean here, not this bar in Bangkok. I meanThailand. You’ll be back, mark my words. You’re made forAsia, mate.’ ‘What makes you say that?’ ‘Cause I watch people, and I know people, see. I meet lotsof people. Lots! But they ain’t like you. Mostly they’re justtourists, just here to see a few temples and buy some cheapshit off the stalls. They treat this country like it’s Disneyland orsomething. Just a playground where they can do whatever theylike, cos they’ve got pockets full of dollars and the Thai baht isin the shitter. They’ve got no respect for the Thais. They don’tbother to learn the customs. They wear clothes that the Thaisfind offensive but if you try telling them, they say ‘I’ve got theright to wear whatever I want!’ Fucking tourists!’ Ron leans towards me and wags a bony finger in my face.‘But you, Mike…..you….you’re different. I been watchin’ ya!You listen to them, you communicate with them. Don’t matterthat you don’t know the language. You reach out.’ He reaches out with both hands presumably to illustratehis point, but to me he looks as though he’s about to stranglesomeone which rather spoils the effect. ‘Respect,’ he says drunkenly. ‘It’s all about respect. Thesebastards...,’ he sweeps a hand about which I take it is meantto indicate all the tourists currently enjoying a holiday inBangkok, if not the whole of Thailand, ‘...they treat the Thaislike they’re third class citizens. In their own fucking country,mind!’ ‘But you…you don’t treat ‘em that way. You got respect,Mike, and I love ya for it! You’re made for Asia. You wait andsee, you’ll be back.’ 350

‘Maybe,’ I say, ‘But as for living here…well, I’d need aplace to live for a start.’ He waves a dismissive hand. ‘No worries. Plenty of goodcheap apartments about. Why, there was one near me up forgrabs last month. Lovely place, only fifteen thousand bahta month. Course it’s gone by now, but I can find you a niceplace, no problem. I’ll check out the local paper when I gethome.’ This doesn’t sound too good to me. A moment ago we weretalking hypothetically, but now Ron’s going to find me a place.I decide to backpedal quickly. ‘It wouldn’t be any good,’ I tell him. ‘No matter how cheapthe apartments are here, I’d still need a job if I were to affordthe rent.’ ‘A man like you…a professional man….wouldn’t have notrouble finding a job. You could do anything. You could startup your own business, maybe import / export like me.’ ‘I thought you said your business wasn’t doing too wellright now.’ ‘Doesn’t matter. She’ll come right. In fact,’ he says, thesparkle in his eye growing brighter, ‘We could go into businesstogether! Just what the old firm needs, a bit of fresh blood andan injection of capital. We could be partners!’ I’m wondering how to change the subject when Ron sud-denly lurches to his feet. ‘S’cuse I,’ he says. ‘Got to take apiss.’ So saying, he heads off in the direction of a sign that says‘toilets’. I sit wondering what the hell I’ve gotten myself into. I can’tdecide whether to leave it until tomorrow and talk to Ronwhen he’s sober, or deal with it now, nip it in the bud so tospeak, before he goes running off and gets me into something. 351

Ten minutes pass and there’s no sign of Ron. I’m beginningto think he’s passed out in the loo. I consider just upping sticksand leaving but I decide I can’t do that to him. With a sigh Islip off my stool and head in the direction of the loos. The sign points down a short alleyway at the side of thebuilding. The alley is unlit and I can’t see a thing, but as I turninto it I hear a scuffling sound. ‘Ron,’ I call nervously. ‘Is that you?’ Ron’s voice comes back to me, but it sounds different fromusual, tremulous, almost frightened. Mike,’ he cries. Help me mate. For God’s sake, help me!’ * 352

33 I get back to my hotel in the early hours but I can’t sleep.I’m still awake at dawn and thinking of getting up but I forcemyself to lie there, listening to the cocks crowing, in the hopethat sheer exhaustion will knock me out. It doesn’t happen,and at eight I rise and shower and head down to breakfast. As I enter the big room I immediately spot Lorna seated ata table over by the window and I’m already heading that waybefore I realise she’s not alone. Seated beside her is a small Thai woman who, even atthis distance, looks vaguely familiar. Once again my Englishconcern over protocol cuts in and I begin to worry whether I’llbe committing a social gaff by intruding on their breakfast. Icould just take a table on the opposite side of the room, butthen when Lorna sees me, she might think I’m avoiding herand be offended. I’m still hovering vaguely at the bottom ofthe stairs when the issue is mercifully resolved. Lorna glancesin my direction and waves me over. ‘Morning,’ I say brightly, as she indicates that I should takea seat. ‘Hi Mike. How are you? You look tired.’ ‘Yeah, I am a bit. Late to bed last night, then I couldn’tsleep.’ ‘Bummer,’ she says. ‘Mike, this is Tok.’ I smile at the girl and she smiles politely back. ‘Hi,’ I say,and she nods and says ‘Hi’ back. 353

‘She doesn’t speak a whole lot of English. In fact, you’vepretty much exhausted her repertoire right there.’ The girl clearly doesn’t understand a word Lorna just saidand I wonder briefly what she’s doing here if they can’t evenhold a conversation, but mostly my mind is trying to place her.I’m sure I’ve seen her somewhere, but it’s early and my braindoesn’t seem to be working too well yet. ‘You were with Ron all evening?’ Lorna asks. ‘Until about two this morning.’ ‘That must have been fun. Hey, I’m sorry I left you alonewith him. But there’s only so much sightseeing a girl can take,especially in the company of a manically depressed Aussiealcoholic.’ I feel she’s being a bit harsh on Ron, but right now he’s notmy favourite person so I don’t bother coming to his defence. ‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘He can be a bit overpowering, especiallywhen he’s had a few.’ ‘So where’d you guys end up?’ ‘Oh, here and there,’ I say carefully, then I decide, sod it, Idon’t know this woman and in a day or two she’ll disappearfrom my life and I’ll never see her again. Why not tell her thetruth? Besides I feel the need of someone other than Ron toconfide in. ‘Actually,’ I say, ‘it all got a bit dodgy towards the end.’ I give her a brief summary of my evening out with Ron,tactfully skipping over the more sordid bits and finishing withRon’s sudden disappearance. ‘After ten minutes I was getting quite worried,’ I tell her, ‘soI went off looking for him.’ ‘And did you find him?’ ‘I did. He was in an alley at the back of the bar, but hewasn’t alone.’ ‘Don’t tell me he was screwing a hooker!’ 354

‘I wish! That I’d have considered par for the course withsomeone like Ron. No it was something else. He was with twoThai men, and if anyone was getting screwed it was Ron.’ ‘Go on. This is getting interesting.’ ‘At first, I thought he was being mugged. They had a knifeto his throat. Like I say, there were two of them. Mean lookingbast…eh…I mean…tough looking…er….’ ‘Bastards?’ she says, unruffled, and I smile at her. ‘Yeah. Bastards. They looked perfectly capable of cuttinghis throat. I remember thinking that, if it was money they wereafter, they’d picked the wrong man. Ron never has a bean onhim. They’d have done better choosing me.’ I laugh hollowly. ‘Yes, I remember thinking that: They’dhave done better choosing me.’ ‘So what did you do?’ ‘I stood there looking stupid. My brain simply refused tofunction. They turned and saw me and we all just stood there,them staring at me, me staring at them. Then Ron shouted out:‘Mike! Help me, mate. They’re going to kill me.’ ‘No!’ ‘That’s when I should have done a runner. But I couldn’t doit. Couldn’t just leave him there. So I tried talking them out ofit.’ I laugh again, shaking my head at my own stupidity. ‘Who were they?’ Lorna asks. ‘Did you find out?’ ‘Oh yes. They were old pals of Ron’s. At least, until heborrowed large sums of money from them. Money he couldn’trepay. ‘They were his creditors?’ ‘I suppose you could say that.’ ‘So what happened?’ ‘Well, to cut a long story short, I coughed up all the money Ihad on me, about five thousand baht, and they punched Ron in 355

the guts and promised to see him later.’ ‘They robbed you?’ she asks, aghast. ‘No, not really. I volunteered the money. I think they werealmost disappointed. They’d been looking for Ron for a longtime.’ ‘My God. You have been having an exciting time of it,haven’t you?’ ‘If only you knew,’ I mutter. ‘Sorry?’ she says, but I shake my head. ‘Nothing.’ ‘So what are you going to do next?’ ‘I don’t know,’ I say wearily. ‘I told Ron to stay at hometoday. I’ve had enough of him for now.’ ‘Well,’ she says, making getting-ready-to-go motions.‘We’re going to the floating market in Damnoen Saduak. It’sabout a hundred kilometres away. Were booked with a party oftourists. You could probably come along if you wanted.’ ‘Actually, I’ve already been. But thanks for asking.’ ‘Well, whatever you get up to,’ she says with a smile as sheand Tok get up from their chairs. ‘Have fun. Give my love toRon.’ In the end I decide not to go back to bed. Instead I jump atuk-tuk back to the Khao San Road and find a café bar whereI sit and read my guide book. Some of the stuff Ron has beentelling me about Thai culture has me intrigued and I’d like toknow more. It’s half an hour later when it hits me. Tok, the girl withLorna at breakfast. I know where I’ve seen her before. She’sone of the dancers from the go-go bar in Patpong that Lornaand I visited. For a moment I’m confused and then the penny drops. That explains the strange vibes I was getting from Lorna.When she cried off the evening with Ron and me she must 356

have headed back to Patpong. Well, well, well! And she mentioned a falling out with the friend she came toThailand with. Did Lorna make a pass art her and get rejected?That would certainly do it. I can’t help feeling a bit resentful though. I remember herasking me questions about prostitution and how it worked overhere. At the time I was so busy trying to convince her that Iwasn’t a sex tourist it never occurred to me she might be oneherself. I’m not sure how I feel about that. If it’s wrong for mento come over here and sleep with women for money, is itsomehow okay for a woman to do the same? Logically itshouldn’t be, but I bet Lorna doesn’t put herself in the samecategory as the lads back in Pattaya. Once again I feel out of my depth. I keep meeting people,ordinary people like you’d meet back home, and I begin torelate to them as I would if I’d met them in England, but thenthey do something completely unexpected. Is it Thailand? Does this place have that effect on people?They leave their normal lives behind when they arrive and cutloose. Live out their fantasies? It’s disconcerting, but at least I’m still my normal self. I’ve spent most of the day in my café bar, reading and think-ing and reading some more. There’s a question that’s been forming in my mind forseveral days now. What is wrong with me? I’ve been in Thailand for more than a week, surrounded bybeautiful women who will sleep with me for the price of a nicemeal back home. All I have to do is choose the one I want. But somehow, I can’t seem to do it. When we first arrived my reasons were clear, but a lot has 357

happened to me since. I’ve met at least three very nice youngwoman that under any other circumstances I’d have beendelighted to have sex with, but somehow I managed to screwit up each time. Instead, I’ve bedded the wife of a colleague,a woman I wasn’t even attracted to, and a young backpackerwho screwed our trekking guide only four days after I met her. So I have to ask myself, what the hell is wrong with me? Sleeping with a prostitute is such a straightforward affairover here that even John-Boy could manage it at his firstattempt. All the lads thought I was weird for not wanting to.And Zoe simply assumed I’d slept with girls while I was inPattaya. It didn’t seem to bother her. In fact she was surprisedand rather amused when I told her I hadn’t. And now I discover that Lorna, to whom I’ve been vehe-mently denying any interest in prostitutes, has been shaggingone herself! I become distracted for a moment wondering if the termshagging can be used to describe what women do to oneanother in bed, but I force my mind back to the matter in hand. What exactly, I ask myself, is my objection to sleepingwith one of these girls? I’m not married or in a long termrelationship so there’s no fidelity issue at stake. By now, I’vejust about convinced myself that a condom will prevent mefrom catching a nasty disease. And I can certainly afford it. Sowhy not? Who cares if I sleep with a whore? Who would evenknow? Ron maybe, but he wouldn’t give a toss. After chewing the question over for a couple of hours I’vedecided that the problem is my middle class English morality.That, and my willingness to let women push me around, to useme for their own ends. I like women, I always have, and I like them for themselves,as individuals, not sex objects. Of course, like any otherman I’m genetically programmed to become aroused around 358

women but that doesn’t mean I can’t see them as people andlike them for themselves. And because I like them I want to please them. What’swrong with that? And somewhere out there, I hope, there’s a woman whowould like me back and want to please me in return. I just haven’t met her yet. I always thought Helen and I had a good relationship, apartnership of equals, but I realise now that it was never reallylike that. Helen was a woman who knew what she wanted and wasdetermined to get it. I’ve never really known what I wanted, soI went the way she pointed. And look where that got me! Well, no more. If I’ve learned anything from this trip it’sthat I have to stop letting women hijack me for their ownpurposes. Helen wanted a partner who could help her achieve herlife’s ambitions. When I fell short, I was replaced. Zoe wanteda meal ticket. Lorna wanted someone to show her the ropesover here until she could go it alone. And Linda….god knowswhat Linda wanted. Was I her revenge on Adrian! I don’tknow. The only thing I’m reasonably sure of is that she’s re-gretting that little episode as much as I am. And all these Thai women. What do they want? Money. Itcouldn’t be simpler. At least it’s up front and honest. I don’t hold with the whole macho man ethos. I believe inequality, but equality has to cut both ways. It’s time I stoppedletting women use me. And it starts here, today. I’m going to overcome my stupidlimitations and fuck a prostitute. And for this, I don’t need Ron’s help. I know where to goand I can handle this myself. 359

The taxi drops me outside the Coconut Lounge and I havea moment of misgiving as I stand outside the gates. Girls arecoming and going in twos and threes, and they all turn theirsmiles on me. I feel suddenly very alone. ‘Come on Mike,’ I tell myself aloud, ‘No turning back now.’I step through the gates and enter the bar. The place is busier than I’d expected. Standing in thedoorway, I feel the eyes of thirty-odd women swivel towardsme. I feel like I have a target painted on my forehead. I sliponto a stool and order a beer. A quick look around tells me that I’m one of only a handfulof unattached guys. The others are all at the far end of the bar,so I seem to have this end to myself and I’m receiving a lot ofattention. Everywhere I look I find a girl watching me hungri-ly, sizing me up. It’s unnerving, The atmosphere feels different tonight. I can’t pin it downat first, then I realise it’s not the bar, it’s me. Last night, sittinghere with Ron, I was a spectator, able to watch the goings-onwith amused detachment. Tonight I’m a customer. I’ve cometo buy and that changes your whole perspective. There’s something else as well. In England when, as ayoung man, I went out on the pull, I felt like a hunter stalkingmy prey. Here it’s me who’s the prey and these girls are thehunters. I would do well to remember that. The first girl arrives before my beer. ‘You buy me drink?’she asks through a crimson smile. I smile back and shake myhead. ‘No thanks,’ I say firmly. ‘I’m meeting someone.’ I don’t think she understands the words, but she knows re-jection when she sees it. She slithers off the stool like a lizardleaving a patch of sun and slides back into the shadows. Herhips sway as she walks and she holds her head high. Othergirls around the bar take note. I suppose she’s showing them 360

that her pride is not hurt. I know that feeling well enough:walking back from the dance floor to your mates at the bar.‘Didn’t fancy her that much when I got up close,’ you say, anddrown your sorrows in a pint. A number of girls are cruising the bar, making it look likethey’re just on the way to the loo but taking the long wayround, moving slowly, trying to make eye contact with thefew available men. Three times in the next five minutes I’mapproached this way and each time I shake my head, mutteringmy ‘No thank-yous’ and smiling my most apologetic smile totake the sting out of it. I’m drinking too fast, as I do when I’m nervous, and beforeI know it my beer is gone. I order another and light a fag. Ineed to settle down. Take your time, I caution myself. There are hundreds tochoose from. No need to rush. I realise that I didn’t even notice the girls I’ve alreadyturned away. They may have been perfect, just what I’mlooking for, but in my panic their features failed even to regis-ter. The second beer is giving me confidence and I begin tocarry out a slow sweep of the bar, checking out each girl inturn. I see a couple that I fancy, but they’re already with men.The ones sitting at the tables in the shadows are mostly dogs.I’ve never seen so many ugly Thai girls in one place before. My eye pauses on one who might be okay. She’s sitting withtwo other girls drinking something white and frothy througha straw. She looks up and catches my eye. I look away imme-diately, realising that I’ve unwittingly issued an invitation andhoping she won’t accept, but my luck is out. She’s out of herseat and sashaying across the floor. Now I can see her proper-ly, I realise that she’s not up to much: heavy in the hips withflaccid looking upper arms. She gives me a huge smile as she 361

arrives by my side and places her hand on my arm. ‘Hel-lo. You buy me drink?’ she asks sweetly. ‘No. I’m sorry. I’m waiting for someone.’ I mumble. She pouts prettily. Her face is nice, rounded and softlooking, but I’m definitely not interested. ‘You not like me?’ she asks, with a pretence of hurt in hervoice. ‘You’re very nice.’ I tell her. ‘beautiful. But I’m waiting forsomeone. A girl.’ ‘You got girl?’ she says, her voice hardening. ‘Yes. I’m waiting for her. Sorry.’ She turns away without another word and I know I’vepissed her off. I’ll be more careful where I rest my eyes infuture. It’s getting uncomfortable, sitting here in full view of somany predators. I decide to move out of the spotlight. There’sanother bar to one side of the entrance. I can see it’s practicallyempty so I take my drink and move through there. Instantly I feel better. From here I can look without beingseen. Better still, I’m near the door, so I can watch the girls asthey enter. If anything really good comes in, I’ll get first shotat it. The only other person at this bar is a woman sitting at theother end. She’s older than most, forties perhaps, but verygood looking. She’s slim and elegant, with an older woman’sbeauty rather than the fresh faced prettiness of the other girls.Her cheekbones stick out a mile and even I can see that hermake-up is beautifully applied. She’s wearing a sort of sarong that looks expensive andclassy. Her wrists jingle with gold bracelets and her ear-ringssparkle under the lights, hinting at diamonds. I can’t believe she’s on the game, but I remember what Rontold me about working women who come here for western 362

company. Perhaps she’s one of those. And they do it for free,Ron said. This one looks like she could afford to pay me. She catches me looking and gives me a cat-like smile andsips her drink. It looks like whisky, a big helping in a chunkyglass. I half expect her to move on me, but she drops her eyesdemurely to the bar, then begins to rummage in a big leatherbag. She pulls out a packet of Marlboro Light and a goldRonson. Lighting up, she draws smoke way down into herlungs and exhales a long, thin plume of blue smoke. She sitsperfectly poised on her stool, like a film star, obviously con-scious of the impression she’s creating. Her eyes flick towardsme again. I don’t look away this time. I’m gaining courage. Ilet my gaze rest on her for a couple of heart beats, letting herknow that I’m interested, and again she gives me the smile,lazy and full of confidence, like she’s amused by my attraction. ‘You like older woman?’ a voice asks close to my ear. I turnto find a girl sitting on the stool next to mine, watching mewith cool interest. ‘What?’ I say, and the girl nods her head towards the womanat the end of the bar. ‘You like?’ she says. ‘Eh…no, I was just…eh…looking. I’m waiting for a friend.’ ‘She ver’ beautiful…’ the girl says, staring openly at theolder woman, who gives her a smile with no warmth in it. ‘…but ver’ old. How old you?’ ‘Me? I’m thirty two.’ The girl shakes her head dismissively. ‘She too old for you.My name Mina. What your name?’ ‘Mike,’ I say. She holds out a small hand and I take it,feeling foolish shaking hands with a prostitute. ‘Hi Mike,’ she says. ‘Where you from?’ I recognise the patter. I’ve heard it used many times before,the girl keeping the conversation moving to ward off the man’srejection, but I decide to go with it. Frankly, it’s a relief to be 363

able to speak to someone in English. Besides, it’ll keep theother girls at bay for a while. ‘England,’ I say. ‘Would you care for a drink?’ ‘Thank you,’ she says prettily, offering up her glass. ‘Butyou no pay. I pay.’ She speaks in rapid Thai to the bargirl, hervoice sounding suddenly brisk and efficient. ‘You want beer?’ ‘Yes, thank you. But you must let me pay.’ ‘You buy next one,’ she says with an air of finality, and Irealise I’ve got myself into something. I take a better lookat her while she’s paying for the drinks and I decide I couldhave done worse. She’s perhaps a little older than average, latetwenties I’d guess, but she’s pretty enough. I’m a little disap-pointed to see that her hair is cut short, in a sort of bob. Myfantasies have been running along the lines of getting wrappedup in a curtain of waist length, blue black hair, but I have toadmit it suits her. ‘Where about England?’ she asks suddenly. ‘Eh? Oh, London.’ I tell her, giving the stock answer. Then,because I reckon her English might be good enough, I add:‘South of London, actually. A town called Brighton.’ ‘Ah, Brighton,’ she says sagely, nodding over her drink.‘Near sea.’ I’m taken aback. ‘You know it?’ She shrugs. ‘I hear about it. You like?’ ‘Yes. It’s a nice place…’ She shakes her head and giggles. ‘No. You like me?’ ‘Oh. I see. Well, yes, I do.’ ‘We have good time together. Go see show. You hungry?’ ‘Not right now. Maybe later.’ She nods as though it’s not important. ‘I take you place toeat. Ver’ good food. Cheap. Good place.’ I think I’ve been hooked. But I decide I don’t mind. ‘Right,’I say. ‘Great. Later then.’ 364

‘How long you stay Bangkok?’ ‘I don’t know. Maybe a week.’ She nods again with satisfaction. ‘My sister over there,’ shesays, nodding at the other bar. ‘You mind she come and sitwith us?’ I mind a lot. I can feel a rip-off coming and my dismay mustshow because Mina quickly moves to dispel my fears. ‘Youno have to buy her drink. She just sit with us. She want learnEnglish. Is okay?’ ‘Sure. It’s okay,’ I say, and she gives a little wave. A girldetaches herself from the bar and comes over. She takes thestool on the other side of me. The two girls confer in Thai fora moment, both leaning forward to talk across me, then Minaturns to me and asks: ‘What your name again?’ ‘Mike,’ I tell her, and I hear her repeat the name amidst awelter of rapid Thai. ‘This Susie,’ she tells me. ‘Hello Susie,’ I say, offering her my hand to shake. Shetakes it limply with one delicate hand while the other flies upto her mouth to stifle a giggle. ‘Susie no speak English,’ Mina tells me. ‘She want to learn.It her first time here. I tell her I look after her. You like?’ I like Susie a lot. She’s younger than Mina, perhaps twentyone, and her skin is fresh as a peach. Raven black hair hangs toher waist. Tiny gold ear-rings are the only jewellery in evi-dence, but her clothes look expensive and more conservativethan most of the girls here. ‘Susie work in office,’ Mina tells me. ‘She want to meetWestern man. Her husband is pig.’ ‘Ah,’ I say, not knowing what else to say. ‘Well, tell herthat I think she is very beautiful.’ Mina translates and Susie’shand flies up to her mouth again. Her big brown eyes sparkleat me above her fingers and she whispers urgently to her sisterin Thai. ‘She say you ver’ good looking man,’ Mina tells me. 365

‘She like you. Where your friend?’ For a moment I can’t think what she’s on about, then I re-member that I told her I was waiting for a friend. ‘He’ll be along later,’ I say, and she nods with satisfaction. ‘When your friend come,’ she says, ‘we go eat.’ ‘Eh, yeah, sure.’ This is getting awkward. I do some quick thinking. ‘Look,’ I say, ‘I better just phone him and tell him where Iam. I’m not sure he knows.’ Mina looks at me as though she didn’t catch that, but I pullout my mobile and wave it at her and she nods again. I slip offthe stool and move towards the door as though I’m worriedabout the reception in here. I see Mina stiffen and I realise shethinks I’m about to do a runner, but then she relaxes as I key inthe number Ron gave me on the first day and he answers. ‘Ron, it’s Mike. Are you busy right now?’ ‘No mate. I’m just eating. Why?’ ‘I’m down the Coconut Lounge, and I’ve met a girl. Twogirls actually. They want to go for a meal but I don’t want totake both of them. Can you get down here and take one ofthem off my hands.’ I hear the hesitation on the line and quickly add: ‘I’ll pay forthe meal and everything. You’d be doing me a big favour.’ ‘Sure. Okay. I’ll be down in half an hour.’ I return to the girls and tell them the good news. Mina lookspleased and I order another round of drinks. Half an hour goes by and I’m beginning to really enjoymyself. Mina’s English is pretty good and it’s the first realconversation I’ve had with a Thai girl. Despite this obviouspoint in her favour, I’ve decided it’s Susie I’m interested in.I hadn’t noticed it before, but beside Susie’s refreshing inno-cence, Mina looks rather cold and calculating. She’s shrewdtoo. She’s picked up on the signs and knows I prefer her sister. 366

‘When your friend come?’ she says. I guess she’s worriedthat she’s going to lose out here. ‘I’ll ring him again,’ I say, and move to the entrance oncemore. ‘Ron? What the fuck are you doing still there? You saidyou’d be here ten minutes ago.’ ‘Sorry mate. I got held up. I’m just about to leave. I’ll bethere in twenty minutes.’ ‘He got held up,’ I tell Mina and she just manages to hide ascowl. ‘Don’t worry,’ I tell her. ‘If he doesn’t make it, I’ll haveyou both.’ Her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline and she gives me asceptical look. ‘You go bed with both of us?’ ‘Sure,’ I tell her, swigging my beer and feeling quite smug. ‘You think you can do?’ she asks with a cheeky smile. ‘I think I could manage.’ She leans across and speaks to Susie who whoops andcovers her mouth again. Her eyes are wide and I realise thedrink is probably getting to her. ‘She say, you no manage two,’Mina tells me. I nod my head emphatically. ‘I manage,’ I say. ‘Two…’ Ipoint to Mina, then to Susie, ‘…together.’ Mina’s mouth drops open in mock horror. ‘Same time?’ shesays. I nod again. ‘Same time. Three in bed.’ ‘You must be strong man,’ Mina says, and then makes mespill my drink when she reaches under the bar and gives mydick a squeeze. ‘Jesus!’ I splutter, as she reports the results of her investiga-tion to Susie. I’d love to know what the verdict was. ‘Okay. We go eat now,’ she tells me. ‘But what about my friend?’ ‘He late. He here when we get back.’ 367

‘Well, okay,’ I say. I consider calling Ron again, but decideagainst it. He should have left by now. If he hasn’t, sod him.I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t called him in the first place.The idea of three in a bed is beginning to sound very attrac-tive. We eat in a restaurant two streets down. It’s a quaint place,lots of bamboo and tropical plants, and the waiters look unusu-ally smart for Thais, in white jackets and bow ties. The restau-rant is upstairs and as we enter I cast a swift look around. All Ican see is white faces. The place is full of Westerners and foronce they’re in couples, husbands and wives together. Tourists,I think dismissively, but it makes me nervous. I’ve got so usedto seeing white men with their little brown shadows that it’s ashock to realise I’m the only man in the place with a Thai girlin tow. Not just one, but two, one hanging off each arm. I feellike Hugh Hefner with a couple of his bunny girls. A waiter approaches us and my first thought is that he’sgoing to ask us to leave. From the look on his face, I’d say thatwas the general idea, but Mina speaks to him in a voice thatcan only be described as imperious and the next thing we’reseated at a table in the centre of the room and three waiters arefussing around us. This place looks very expensive and I’m beginning tothink that Mina has stitched me up, but when the menu comesI breathe a silent sigh of relief. The prices are surprisinglymodest. ‘You order,’ I tell Mina. ‘What you like? You like fish? Chicken?’ ‘Whatever you recommend,’ I say magnanimously. My beer arrives and I settle back to take in my surround-ings. As my gaze sweeps the room I catch the eyes of severalof the other guests. One by one they look away, but not beforeI read the expressions on their faces. The women are universal- 368

ly disapproving, but in the faces of the men I read somethingelse as well: lust, or envy, or something like that. I smile at alland sundry, feeling very content. When the food arrives Mina insists on serving me beforethey take anything for themselves. I don’t argue, letting herchoose the most tasty morsels for my plate, as though I’vebeen waited on by women all my life. The food is delicious. The girls eat little but they take turnsto press me to try this or that until I begin to worry that myperformance might be hampered. Going over the hurdles witha weight handicap. ‘What your friend like?’ Mina asks. ‘He’s a good bloke,’ I say, and I see her frown at the unfa-miliar word. ‘A good man,’ I correct myself. Then I rememberthe words Ron used to introduce me to the girls last night.‘Good heart,’ I say. ‘Jai dee!’ Mina’s eyebrows go up again at my unexpected Thai, andshe nods thoughtfully. ‘We go back now,’ she announces. It’s a pleasure to pay the bill and I over-tip lavishly. Thewaiter bows and smiles and Mina treats him to a scowl, asthough he’s taking money out of her own purse. Ron is waiting at the bar. In front of him is a glass of waterand he’s looking damned uncomfortable. His relief when wewalk in is almost comical. ‘I didn’t know where you were,’ he says. ‘We were having a meal. We thought you’d be a while yet.’ We move to a table over to one side of the bar and I orderdrinks all round. I’m feeling just fine, in control of the situ-ation. It’s strange: last night Ron was the experienced one,taking me around, speaking Thai, introducing me to people. Iwas the innocent farang, stunned by the sights and sounds ofthe big city. But tonight everything is reversed. I’m a man withtwo women on his arms and money in his pocket, generously 369

funding a friend’s entertainment. It feels great. The drinks arrive and Ron leans towards me. Nodding atthe girls, he says: ‘Pretty average I’d say. Not bad, you under-stand, but nothing special.’ I see Mina’s face grow dark and I feel a sudden flash ofannoyance. Talk about looking gift horses in the mouth. Thebastard’s getting a free shag and he has the cheek to disparagemy taste. I lean closer to him and say: ‘Maybe not, but at least Minaspeaks excellent English!’ Ron looks unperturbed. I make the introductions and heshows off his Thai, but Mina pretends she can’t understand hisaccent. I’m beginning to think this was all a big mistake. Ronexcuses himself and goes to the bathroom. As soon as he’s gone, Mina leans across to me. ‘Why youbring him?’ she says. ‘We no need him.’ I feel this is a bit unfair, considering that it was at her urgingthat I rang him up in the first place. ‘Ron’s okay,’ I say. ‘he’s agood bloke.’ Mina shakes her head. ‘He bad man,’ she says. ‘Bad heart.We no need him. You send him ‘way. We go, just three of us.’ ‘I can’t do that. He’s my friend. He’s come all this way.Don’t worry. He’s all right. Just give him a chance.’ She looks like she’d rather give him a lethal injection, buthe’s on his way back now so we stop talking. He swings intohis chair, ignores the girls and asks me: ‘How much are theyasking?’. I suck in my breath. I’ve been treating these girls all eveninglike they were ladies, and here he is bringing it all back downto the level of a common transaction. ‘I don’t know.’ I say, myvoice cool. ‘We haven’t spoken about money.’ ‘Well we better get that settled first,’ he says and, turningto Mina, rattles off some more Thai. She glowers at him and 370

replies in the same language, but he shakes his head before shecan finish. ‘No way,’ he says in English. ‘That’s far too much.’ Mina becomes insistent but Ron just sits back, shaking hishead as her words pour over him. I glance at Susie and find herlooking pale and embarrassed. I smile at her and she smilesbravely back. I want her badly. Eventually Ron turns to me. ‘She wants five thousand bhat,’he says. I do the maths in my head. That’s a hundred quid. ‘Each?’ ‘Nah,’ Ron says, ‘That’s for the two of them. I’ve told herit’s too much but she won’t come down.’ My breathing settles down again. A hundred quid for twodoesn’t seem too bad. Then I remind myself that Ron wastalking a thousand bhat for a girl last night. These two areasking well over the going rate. My ardour is beginning towane. ‘It’s a lot of money,’ I say to buy time, and I feel a subtlechange in the atmosphere around the table. ‘You told me thegoing rate is one thousand,’ I point out to Ron. ‘Yeah, sure,’ he says, suddenly looking sheepish. ‘But that’sfor the girls down Soi 35. They’re a pretty rough lot downthere. These girls are class.’ ‘I thought you didn’t rate them?’ I say, and he squirms andbegins to tell me, ‘I didn’t mean…’ I listen to him babble for a minute. He’s changed his tunevery quickly. I reckon he can see his free shag going out thewindow. Mina is watching me like a hawk, her eyes cold andcalculating. Ron’s speaking pretty fast and his accent is gettingthicker, but I reckon she understands the gist of it. ‘It’s your decision mate,’ Ron is saying. ‘Three thousand,’ I say, speaking directly to Mina. ‘For thetwo of you.’ 371

There’s a long moment of silence and I feel like the pokerplayer who says ‘I’ll see your five thousand, and raise youtwenty!’ ‘You pay?’ Mina asks, and I nod. ‘You pay for both?’ shesays and I nod again. ‘Okay,’ she says. ‘Three thousan’ baht.’ ‘Fine,’ I say. ‘Let’s get out of here.’ On the way to the door Ron is all over me. ‘You got a rightbargain there mate,’ he says. ‘She’s a hard cow that one. Ididn’t think she’d drop her price. You did well.’ ‘Where we go?’ asks Mina. ‘What hotel you stay?’ I shake my head. ‘It’s a long way off,’ I say. ‘And not verynice.’ ‘Okay,’ she says. ‘I know good place. In Sukhumvit Road.Soi 67.’ ‘Fuck,’ Ron mutters. ‘That’s miles from here. The taxi willcost an arm and a leg.’ ‘We go in Susie car,’ Mina says. We’ve left the bar and crossed the main road by now.Ahead is an area of waste ground, being used as a temporarycar park until the builders get started, no doubt. Susie has goneon ahead and she’s unlocking the door of a smart little Toyota. ‘Jesus Christ!’ Ron says close to my ear. ‘That’s a millionbaht motor car. You really have picked something specialhere.’ We climb in and Susie drives out into the usual Bangkoknightmare that passes for traffic. She drives with calm skill andmy respect for her goes up another notch. ‘Johnnies!’ Ron cries suddenly. ‘We need Johnnies.’ ‘You not got rubber?’ Mina asks from the front seat. Ithadn’t even occurred to me. After all my fears of catchingsomething, it went straight out of my mind. Susie pulls up outside an all night chemist shop and Ron 372

volunteers to go buy the contraceptives. ‘D’you have a coupleof hundred baht?’ he whispers as he opens the door. ‘Only I’ma bit short at the moment.’ I fork out the money, wondering what happened to the twothousand I gave him two days ago. The transaction does not gounnoticed by Mina, but she says nothing. * 373

34 Five minutes later we get to the hotel. It’s a fairly plushlooking place, modern, five stories, three stars. The lobby is big and thickly carpeted, but I can see evidenceof decay around the edges. This place is past it’s best. I guessthat it’s used more for this kind of assignation than as a touristhotel. Mina greets the night clerk with easy familiarity. ‘They have two nice room,’ she says to me. ‘One thousandbaht each. Got private shower. Nice place.’ ‘We don’t need two rooms,’ Ron says, and I turn to him insurprise. ‘We can take turns,’ he tells me. ‘You go first of course.’ ‘Need two room,’ Mina says forcefully, but Ron turns hisback on her. ‘It’s not like we’re staying the night,’ he argues. ‘No sensein paying for two rooms we’re not going to use.’ ‘I don’t know…’ I begin, but Ron seems to have taken itupon himself to save me some money. ‘Have you got a room with two single beds?’ he asks theclerk. ‘Singles….?’ I say, but he turns back to me enthusiastically.‘The singles are as big as doubles back home,’ he tells me.‘We can have one each.’ I try to imagine the scene, Ron shagging Mina on onebed while I make love to Susie on the other. It’s a disturbingpicture, but perhaps I should be open to new experiences. 374

‘We can each have one bird,’ Ron continues,’ then we canswap.’ I’m not sure whether I’d have gone through with it, butMina’s having none of it. ‘Two room,’ she insists. ‘We need two room.’ She takes meby the arm and drags me with surprising strength to the otherside of the lobby. ‘We no need him,’ she hisses. ‘You send him‘way. Only need one room then.’ I’m getting fed up with being piggy-in-the-middle, and thecost of the night is coming home to me. I shrug her off andspeak directly to the night clerk. ‘We’ll take one room. Two single beds,’ I tell him.’ ‘No single bed,’ the clerk tells me. ‘Double bed only.’ Jesus! Now we’re fucking two women in one bed. This isgetting sordid. I catch the clerk exchanging glances with Minaand my temper rises. They’re in this together. He’s got roomswith single beds all right. They’re just trying to rip me off. ‘All right,’ I tell him. ‘One room. With a double bed.’ Fuckit, they’re only whores after all. Ron looks pleased, but I turn to him and say: ‘We taketurns, okay? And I go first.’ ‘Sure, sure,’ he says, anxious to agree. I sign the register and pay for the room in advance. It takesa few minutes and I don’t notice that Mina is not with us.When I finish the formalities she’s back, with another womanin tow. The woman has ‘hooker’ written all over her, regard-less of what language you speak. She’s well past fifty and uglyas sin. If she were a car, you’d kick her tyres then suck yourteeth. ‘My friend need lift,’ she says. ‘She go home now. Sheafraid to go home in dark. Your friend go with her.’ Ron’s looking aghast, as well he might, but he’s not myfavourite person right now. 375

‘All right,’ I say. ‘Ron, you take her home. By the time youget back I’ll have had my turn. Just come straight up. Room233.’ ‘Taxi,’ the old hag says, smiling with horrible red lips, and Idig into my pockets and fork out a five hundred baht note. ‘I want change,’ I tell Ron. He goes off quietly, casting a piteous glance over his shoul-der as they pass through the door. The room wouldn’t do justice to a budget American motelchain, but compared with the places I’ve been sleeping recent-ly, it’s luxury itself. The bed is big and soft. The girls confer. ‘I go first,’ Mina says. ‘Susie wait downstairs.’ ‘But I want you together,’ I protest. ‘In the same bed.’ ‘Susie shy,’ Mina insists. ‘She never do this before. Shedon’ wan’ be seen naked.’ ‘But you’re her sister,’ I point out. Mina shakes her head. ‘She shy,’ she insists. ‘She waitdownstairs. You, me, we have good time. You have her later.’ ‘Together,’ I say, putting my foot down. ‘First you, then her,then together.’ ‘You strong man,’ Mina says, talking to me like I’m simple,but I let her lead Susie away. They confer briefly at the doorthen Susie is gone. ‘We take shower,’ Mina says. It feels strange, stripping before a woman like this, but shedoesn’t even cast a glance at me. When we’re both naked, sheleads the way to the bathroom and runs the water until it’swarm. Thank God for a decent hotel. Hot water! As I step under the water, she gives me a quick but thoroughinspection with her eyes. With a start I realise she’s looking forsigns of pox. She gives a little nod of approval, then steps inbeside me. ‘You big boy,’ she says, giving my cock a tug, then proceeds 376

to lather it with soap. Despite her ministrations, I’m not feeling particularly randy.The mounting cost of the night is on my mind, together withworry about Ron and the sneaking suspicion that I’m going tobe cheated out of my three-in-a-bed. Mina obviously doesn’tthink I’ll be up to it by the time she’s finished with me. We move to the bed and my dick is only flying at half mast. ‘You lie down,’ Mina instructs, and I oblige. With deftefficiency she takes my cock and sucks it into her mouth. Shebobs up and down for several moments then emerges andsmiles at me. ‘You like’ she says. I nod with artificial enthusiasm. ‘Very nice,’ I agree. ‘Now your turn, ‘ she says. ‘You taste pussy.’ She rolls onto her back and brings her knees up to her smallchest, exposing her fanny like a prize in a raffle. ‘Look good,yes?’ she says. ‘You lick. Taste good.’ I survey her hairy lump without enthusiasm. I can’t get mymind off thoughts of AIDS. I’d assumed we’d be using con-traceptives. It hadn’t occurred to me that I’d be doing this. Iwrack my brain, trying to remember whether you can catchAIDS from cunnilingus. But Mina is firmly in charge, and I find myself giving hermuff a tentative lick, as though I’m afraid it might be toospicy. Then she grabs my hair and my face is thrust into hermoistness. She maintains her pressure on the back of my head,revolving her hand like she’s stirring soup. ‘Oooh, that good,’ she moans. ‘You really make me wet.You soooo good!’ I’m really not enjoying this. Germs! my mind is screaming.I feel like I’ve had my face pushed into a petri dish full ofbacteria. Mercifully, it doesn’t last long. The pressure on my headeases, and I surface gasping for breath. Mina rolls athletically 377

across the bed and fetches up at the bedside cabinet, where sherips one off a roll of condoms. ‘Thai condom,’ she says with distaste. ‘Not good. Yourfriend, he buy cheap condom. Never mind.’ My erection is flagging and she tut-tuts and gives it a quickpull then, apparently satisfied, slips the rubber over it. I can tell she’s done this before. Lying back she pulls me on top of her and, reaching downbetween her legs, guides me into her. I thrust away for a fewmoments, gritting my teeth and willing my dick to stay hard,but it’s not working. With a quick look of annoyance, she summarily rolls me offand onto my back. Swinging her leg over, she sits astride me,slipping my cock back inside with her hand. ‘That good, huh?’ she says, watching my face. She’smoving faster now, rotating her hips professionally, and for thefirst time I begin to get interested. I want to slow her down, tofind a different rhythm, but she knows she’s onto a winner andspeeds up. I come inside her even though my dick is only half hard. It’sabout as satisfying as a British Railway sandwich. She hops off and disappears into the bathroom, where I hearher splashing water about. When she re-enters the room, herthighs are wet. As she slips into her clothes, I notice the stretchmarks on her buttocks. Her waist is thicker than I’d realisedtoo, and I suddenly understand that she’s the wrong side ofthirty five. A good-looking thirty five, mind, but not the girl I’dtaken her for. ‘You have good time?’ she asks. ‘Yes. Very good time.’ ‘Good. You pay now.’ ‘What about your sister?’ She gives me a look that I resent. I’m still lying naked on 378

the bed and my cock is looking pretty sorry for itself, but herlook stings. ‘I can manage her too,’ I say defiantly, and she shrugs. ‘Okay,’ she says. ‘You pay now. Pay her too. T’ree thousandbaht.’ I get off the bed and rummage in my wallet, counting thenotes into her eager hand. ‘You wait,’ she says. ‘I go fetch Susie.’ I lie on the bed, wondering whether I’ll ever see either girlagain. They have their money now. Why should they comeback? I’m just beginning to wonder why Ron is taking so long,when the door opens and Mina steps in, followed by Susie.The younger girl is looking shy and a bit scared. Mina leadsher by the hand. ‘You shower ‘gain,’ Mina tells me sternly. ‘Must be clean.’ She doesn’t accompany me this time, apparently satisfiedthat I’m not a plague carrier. I soap my groin thoroughly, mymind turning over thoughts of Susie, and my dick begins tostiffen beneath my hands. ‘That’s more like it,’ I tell myself aloud. I give him a few encouraging pulls and he rears up, theforeskin slipping back and the knob becoming tight and darkred. I leave off then, not wanting to overdo things, and step outof the shower. He’s still standing proudly out from my body bythe time I’m dry and I feel a sudden wave of embarrassment atthe thought of walking out into a room with two women in itin this condition. I suppose I should feel proud of myself, butmy natural modesty persuades me to wrap a towel around mywaist. I knot it tightly, pressing my engorged dick against mybelly and he responds by straining at the fabric. Well pleasedwith myself I return to the bedroom. Susie is in bed, the sheet pulled up to her neck. Her eyes arewide and bright with fear. Mina is sitting on the bed, protec- 379

tively holding Susie’s hand. I go over and sit beside them. ‘You take good care her,’ Mina scolds me, wagging herfinger under my nose. ‘This her first time with farang.’ ‘I’ll be gentle,’ I promise. ‘She no do this before. She scared.’ ‘Don’t worry. I won’t hurt her.’ She stares at me a long time, then she says: ‘You good man.Have good heart. I be outside door.’ ‘You can stay if you like,’ I say lightly. ‘Even better, joinin.’ She gives a little coughing snort of derision, then suddenlyreaches down and lifts the corner of the towel. ‘Not bad,’ she says, seemingly impressed. Then her voicebecomes stern again. ‘Remember, I outside door.’ As Mina prepares to leave, Susie bursts out in a stream ofimpassioned Thai, like she’s pleading for clemency. Minasnaps back at her. I don’t understand a word, but it’s clear thatSusie is being told to lie back and think of Thailand. ‘Listen,’ I say, ‘If she doesn’t want to…’ ‘She want to,’ Mina says stoutly. ‘She want sleep withfarang. Just scared.’ With that the door shuts behind her and Susie and I arealone. I look into her fearful eyes and wish we had some soft,soothing music. I slip under the thin top sheet and feel her naked skin brushagainst me for the first time. It sends a little thrill down mybody and my cock practically pants with enthusiasm. If it werea dog, it would be wagging its tail and drooling. I lie back and force myself to relax. Susie is still sitting,knees drawn up, sheet clasped beneath her chin. I pat the mattress. ‘Here,’ I say. ‘Lie down.’ She stares at me, her lip trembling slightly, but doesn’tmove. 380

I place my hand gently on her arm and feel the goosefleshon her skin. Gently, very gently, I ease her down until she’slying flat on her back. I prop myself on one elbow and stareinto her big liquid eyes. ‘It’s all right,’ I soothe, knowing that my tone of voicecarries more meaning than my words. ‘I won’t hurt you.There’s nothing to be afraid of.’ Slowly I place my hand on her flat stomach and feel hermuscles twitch. Her eyes are locked on mine as I begin tomove my hand softly round in circles, round and round,gentling her, letting her get used to my touch. All the time Iwhisper soothing words. Gradually the tension eases and aftera minute or so her hands unlock their death grip on the sheet. By now I’ve established that she’s still wearing her bra andpanties under the sheet. This is going to take some time, butI’m in no hurry. It’s many years since I’ve slept with a virgin. Its an expe-rience I’ve never felt the need to repeat. But here in bed withSusie, with her deep brown eyes watching me pleadingly, Ifeel a sort of ache, an overwhelming tenderness towards thisfrightened girl. I have to remind myself that this is no sixteenyear old virgin. This is a married woman, a woman with agood job and a nice car, rich by Thai standards, who haschosen to visit a bar where she can meet western men and bepaid for sex. Still, I can’t feel anything but tenderness for her, as I strokeher smooth, velvety skin, moving out now from her stomach,running my hand along her thighs, her upper arms, caressingher shoulders. I kiss her gently on the lips, aware that her eyes do not shut.I move downwards and kiss her neck, then the swell of herbreasts above the black lace of her bra. A little tremor runsthrough her as I carefully peel one bra cup away to reveal a 381

small brown nipple. I run my tongue across it and feel her legsmove, her thighs opening. Taking her wrist gently between my forefinger and thumb Iguide her arm around my neck and press my body full-lengthagainst hers. I know she can feel my prick straining against herstomach and she tightens the arm around my neck, pulling meagainst her. Then my hands are all over her, stroking, rubbing, grabbinghands-full of flesh while my lips taste the skin of her breasts,her belly, her thighs. The bra is gone though I don’t evenremember taking it off, and her warm brown breasts are in mymouth, the nipples hardening under my tongue. I pull her roughly on top of me, passion overcoming finesse,and slip her panties down to her knees. She squirms then,a token resistance, but my hand is between her thighs, myfinger slipping in her juices. She moans, the first sound she’smade since Mina left us and I begin to move my hand faster.I roll her on her back and find the nearest of her arms. I guideher hand to my cock and she gasps again and squeezes hardenough to make me wince. I find time to wonder what the hellshe and her husband do each night. And then I’m inside her and she gives a series of shortpanting gasps as I find my rhythm and the sweat begins to runon us. I try to kiss her, lowering my head to hers as I take theweight on my outstretched arms, but she turns her head awayand I get a mouthful of hair. She’s moaning steadily now andmy cock feels swollen and ready to burst. I won’t be able tokeep this up much longer, but I’m not willing to let the experi-ence end yet. Susie is thrashing her head from side to side onthe pillow, her eyes shut and her neck muscles tight. I withdraw, rising up on my arms until he slides out. Susie’seyes pop wide open and she stares up at me as though I’veslapped her. 382

It’s only now that I realise I forgot to put a condom on. I decide I don’t care. My knob is throbbing and the head isdeep purple and glistening. I manoeuvre myself to the side ofthe bed so that I’m sitting next to Susie’s head. I roll onto myside, presenting my cock to her lips while I reach down andslip my fingers into her pussy once more. She moans again butturns her head away, lips pressed tightly together. I’ve passed the point of delicacy. I take her chin gently butfirmly and turn her face back to my groin. My knob pressesagainst her lips, begging to be let in. She shakes her headslightly, but I’ve paid for this and I intend to have it. ‘Take it,’ I say, trying to sound gentle but hearing theharsher, more urgent note in my own voice. ‘It’s all right. Itwon’t bite you.’ I take a moment out to think about how stupid that sounds,then I try again. ‘Listen,’ I tell her reasonably, ‘If you’re goingto be a whore, you’ll have to learn to suck cocks, won’t you?’ She looks up at me one last time with pleading in her eyesand then slowly, ever so slowly, opens her lips and takes thehead into her mouth. I arch my back, my head thrown back,throat exposed, as the sensations flow through me. ‘Oh God, that’s lovely,’ I gasp. ‘That is so fucking wonder-ful.’ I’m going to come, and for a fleeting moment I think aboutwithdrawing to save her the shock of her first mouthful offarang cum. Then I decide not to bother. Everyone should beopen to new experiences. The commotion in the corridor doesn’t immediately getthrough to me, but the thundering knock on the door finallypenetrates my consciousness. ‘Mike! Mike are you in there?’ Ron’s voice bellows, andthe knocking re-doubles. ‘No,’ I moan. ‘Not now. Not fucking now!’ 383

‘Mike! This fucking cow won’t let me in. Mike are you inthere?’ Susie has pulled away and my cock is whipping around likea ship’s boom in a gale. I feel like crying. Another voice sounds from the corridor, high and frantic.‘You go way. We don’ want you here. You bad man.’ ‘Fuck off you evil bitch,’ I hear Ron roar and the doorshudders as something heavy falls against it. I’m out of bedand swinging the door open before I have time to realise I’mstill stark bollock naked with an erection like a totem pole. ‘What the fuck’s going on?’ I say and then my eyes fall onan amazing tableau. Ron is bent over double with Mina hanging on his back,arms around his throat. The old hag he went off with is staringat me, frozen with one foot off the ground, apparently in theact of kicking Ron in the shin. They gape at my sudden nakedappearance with open mouths. Then they all resume talking atonce. ‘Shut up!’ I roar. ‘And come in out of the corridor, forfuck’s sake.’ They troop in, seemingly quelled by my anger, but as soonas the door is shut they’re at it again. ‘She wouldn’t let me in,’ Ron rages, ‘They wouldn’t evenlet me up the stairs. They said they were going to call the cops.I told them, my mate Mike told me to come to his room and byfuck I’m going up to his room.’ ‘He bad man,’ Mina screams. ‘He bad heart. Not good heartlike you say. Bad heart.’ ‘You only say that ‘cause I’ve got no fucking money, youshrivelled old witch you!’ Ron shouts back. ‘That’s all youbloody care about. Fucking money. I’ve not got a bad heart.You’ve got a bad heart.’ ‘We don’ want you here. You go way. We call cops. They 384

‘rest you. Lock you up. Throw ‘way key.’ While I listen to them rant, I come to the realisation thatI’m standing in a hotel room with four total strangers andmy tadger hanging out. I move to the bed and slip under thecovers. Susie moves over to make room for me. She seems tohave recovered her composure and is sitting listening to themwith rapt attention. The sheet lies across her middle, her smallbreasts on display for all to see. As I settle myself beside her,her hand snakes across under the covers and takes hold ofmy dick. I’m so surprised I lose track of the argument for amoment, but when it shows no signs of abating, I decide I’dbetter take charge. ‘Hold it!’ I shout. ‘Hold it. Just….hold it, all right? Nowsomeone please tell me what the fuck happened. Ron?’ ‘This scheming little bitch,’ he says, pointing at Mina. ‘Shesent me off with that old bat. Supposed to be taking her home.She made me walk her to her door, then as soon as I steppedinside her room she was all over me. Tearing my fuckingclothes off she was. And she wanted money. As if I’d pay tofuck her skinny arse.’ Mina has wandered over and plumped herself down on theedge of the bed. She’s looking cross and ready for anotherround or ten, but for the moment she’s holding it in. ‘Okay, okay. Let’s all just calm down shall we?’ I say. ‘Sowhat happened next?’ ‘I came back here,’ Ron explains. ‘But this cow wouldn’tleave me alone. She insisted on coming back with me. Saysshe wants her money. I told her she could go and fuck herself.Then I gets downstairs and this one….’ he points at Mina whosmiles maliciously at him, ‘…this one tells me I can’t comeup.’ ‘He attack me,’ Mina suddenly screams. ‘He hit me. He nota man, he hit ladies.’ 385

‘You’re no fucking lady,’ Ron rages. ‘You’re a fuckingharpy. A common whore.’ ‘Big man,’ Mina taunts. ‘Big man. So tough, he hit ladies.He think he so big.’ ‘I’ll fucking hit you again too,’ Ron snarls. ‘I’ll punch thatsmile right off your fucking face.’ ‘I get men to punch you,’ Mina threatens back. ‘I knowmen, they hurt you bad. You end up dead.’ ‘Whooaa!’ I shout. ‘No-one’s hitting anyone. We don’t needall this. Just calm down. Ron, sit down for fuck’s sake. Let’ssort this out like grown ups.’ He looks around. There’s only one chair in the room andit’s occupied by the old lady who has been a spectator throughmost of this. She gets up now, sticks her tongue out at Ron,and moves across to the bed. Mina moves closer to me tomake room for her. Silence descends for a moment and I try to take stock of thesituation. I’m sitting in bed, naked, in a hotel room in the red light dis-trict of Bangkok, with three women draped around me. Minahas looped her arm around my neck and is leaning on me fromone side. Susie is still kneading my cock on the other, thoughI have to admit I hadn’t noticed for the past few minutes. Theold hag is lying across my legs. I’ve paid over a hundred quid to fuck two women at thesame time. So far I’ve had a few beers, a decent Thai mealand one-and-a-half fucks. For all I know the police are aboutto arrive in a minute and arrest Ron and, in all probability, metoo. Altogether, it’s not quite what I had in mind. ‘Listen,’ I say, directing my appeal at Ron, ‘I’ve got a bit ofunfinished business to attend to here, so if you could just godownstairs and wait your turn…’ ‘He no get turn,’ Mina butts in. ‘I no fuck him. He smelly 386

man. He got clap.’ ‘You fucking bitch,’ Ron roars, getting out of his seat. ‘Ifanyone in this room’s diseased it’s you. God only knows whatgerms are lurking in that flabby cunt of yours.’ I’m not too pleased to hear this sort of speculation, andMina doesn’t take too kindly to it either. ‘You sick man,’ shetells him. ‘You fucked in head. You loony.’ ‘I’m the loony?’ Ron says in tones of disbelief. ‘You’re thefucking loony. You attacked me…’ ‘You hit me first. I call police. They take you away. Bangyou up in cell. You get fucked up arse with big cock.’ ‘You won’t call the police,’ Ron sneers. ‘They’d see you forwhat you are, a cheap whore with a big fucking mouth. It’s mewho’s going to call the police and it’s you who’s going to getbanged up.’ ‘No-one’s calling the police,’ I yell, raising my voice abovethe hubbub. ‘And no one’s getting banged up. We’re all goingto sort this out calmly amongst ourselves, right?’ ‘Let’s get out of here then,’ Ron says. ‘I’ve had enough ofthis lippy bitch.’ ‘You go,’ Mina spits at him. ‘He stay with us.’ She wraps both her arms around one of mine and sets herjaw at him. On the other side, Susie, seeming to sense that thetime has come for a show of solidarity, grabs my other arm.Not to be left out, the old hag grabs one of my ankles. ‘Look…’ I begin, but Ron moves fast, grabbing my re-maining limb and tugging hard, so that I scoot down the bed.The covers ride up over my head and I’m in darkness. All hellbreaks lose, with everyone screaming at once and my legs andarms being pulled this way and that. ‘For fuck’s sake,’ I shout. ‘You’re pulling me apart!’ But no-one is listening. I’ve become the rope in a tug ofwar. Ron’s a strong man, thin but wiry, and inch by inch he 387

succeeds in dragging the four of us towards his end of the bed.The girls kick and scream, bare legs flailing in the air. I catch aglimpse of Susie’s dark little muff, only inches from my eyes,between two shapely whirling limbs, but I don’t have time todwell on the sight. I’m busy trying to keep my testicles out ofharm’s way. My left arm is suddenly my own again, and I scrabble forpurchase on the side of the bed and try to sit up. I manage itjust in time to see Mina launch herself from the end of the bed,grabbing a handful of Ron’s hair in one hand and raking for hiseyes with the other. He lets go my leg to meet her assault and Itake the opportunity to throw Susie and the old woman off andstagger to my feet. ‘Ron! No!’ I cry, as I see him pull back his fist… And then the screaming redoubles. ‘Jesus Christ, Ron!’ I wail. ‘What the fuck have you done?’ ‘She asked for it,’ he says, but he’s looking shaken. Mina is on the floor and her friends are ministering to her.Susie is pressing a corner of the sheet to Mina’s nose and abright red stain is spreading through the thin cotton. ‘Let’s get out of here,’ I say, and Ron nods readily. I grab my clothes and we head for the door. ‘Wait,’ I say. I rummage through my pockets and come outwith my wallet. I pull out a handful of notes and drop them onthe floor. ‘Don’t waste your money,’ Ron says savagely. ‘They’reonly fucking whores.’ ‘Shut up Ron,’ I tell him wearily. We leave the room. * 388

35 It’s almost noon by the time I awake. Immediately, memo-ries of last night crowd my brain and I groan. Bloody Ron! It was all going so well until that big oaf put his foot in it. I stuck him in a cab last night and told him we’d skip today.I could use some time to myself. In truth, I’m not sure whetherI ever want to see the man again. But there’s one person I do want to see again. Susie. I go downstairs but it turns out I’m too late for breakfast. Idon’t mind. The food isn’t much good anyway. I walk to the Khao San Road and find a café I like and I sitthere for the next four hours thinking about Susie and the funwe could have together. A plan is coming together in my head. This evening I’ll go back to the Coconut Lounge in hope offinding Susie there. I’ll apologise again for Ron’s behaviourlast night. I’ll enquire after her sister’s health, and I’ll askSusie to let me make it up to her by taking her down to KoSamui for a couple of days. I’m at the Coconut Lounge by five. The place is almostempty. It’s bloody hot and even the whores are looking tooexhausted to bother me. I ask for a beer and drink half of itstraight down. After half an hour I move along the bar, choosing a stoolbelow one of the slowly revolving fans. It doesn’t improvematters much. I’m on my third beer and the sweat is trickling 389

in my armpits. I’ve been propositioned a couple of times, butthe girl’s hearts weren’t in it. I had no trouble turning themaway. Another hour passes and the place begins to fill up. A partyof young men, Dutch or German or something like that, aremaking a fair bit of noise at the other end of the bar. They’vecommandeered the only decent looking girls in the place. Therest look like they belong in a boot sale. When Susie and Minaget here, they’re going to put this lot to shame. To pass the time I replay last night, minute by slow minute.I picture her face, the big eyes scared, the lips trembling slight-ly: I feel again the shiver that ran down her body as I touchedher. My dick enjoys the replay so much I have to re-arrangemyself on the stool to accommodate him. I hope they get heresoon. I’ve decided to take Susie out for a night on the town. Minamentioned something about a show last night, but we nevergot round to that. I’ll ask her where she was going to recom-mend, but I’m hoping she won’t insist on coming along. I wantto get Susie alone. I’ve gone off the idea of a threesome, atleast with Mina involved. The sample I got of her last nightwas enough. With Susie in my bed, I don’t need anyone else. Over dinner, I’ll mention the idea of Ko Samui. I’m justhoping she can take the time off work. I have another beer and check the time. It’s almost seven.It was about this time last night when I met Mina. Perhapsthey’re not coming. My mind returns to the moment when Ron hit Mina, and Ihear again the screams and the cursing and see the blood onthe sheet. Jesus, what a mess. Bloody Ron. But what if she blames me for what happened? Perhaps,when she sees me sitting here, she’ll call the cops. Or worse, 390

she’ll scream the place down and lots of little Thai men inaprons will rush out of the kitchen wielding huge meat cleav-ers and….. But no, she can’t hold me responsible for Ron. Besides,she goaded him into it. Not that he was justified in hittingher, mind, but she really was playing with fire. Why couldn’tpeople… I see her then. Susie. She’s coming through the doorwayfrom the street, and she’s alone. She’s wearing a bright bluedress and she looks cool and lovely. I begin to get off my stool. ‘Hello, Susie darling! How’s my favourite little virgintoday?’ The speaker is a huge, fat man wearing a dreadful Hawaiianshirt and baggy khaki trousers. He waves from his stool nearthe door and Susie changes direction and moves towards him.She hasn’t seen me yet. ‘Hi, Bruce,’ she says in English. ‘How it hanging?’ Heraccent is slightly better than Mina’s. ‘Long, fat and to the left,’ the big man replies, then he letsout a huge rumbling laugh and grabs a handful of her arse.Susie slaps his hand and pulls herself away, but then she sitson the stool next to his and takes a swig from the glass lyingon the bar in front of him. She pulls a face and the fat man laughs again. ‘Ugh,’Susie groans. ‘Taste like rat piss. Why you all’ays buy cheapwhisky?’ I stare at her, unable to believe the voice I’m hearing. ‘I like cheap whisky,’ the man says. ‘Can’t taste that fancyrubbish.’ His hand has dropped back to the curve of her rumpand he pats it now affectionately. Susie lets it lie. ‘Buy me drink,’ she says. She sounds like a spoiled littlegirl. 391

‘Buy your own drink,’ the man replies. ‘You make a damnsight more money than me.’ ‘I got overheads,’ Susie replies, pouting again. ‘Yeah? My heart bleeds for you,’ the man says sourly. Susieorders her own drink. ‘Speaking of overheads,’ the man goes on. ‘Where is yourlittle helper tonight?’ Susie pulls a disgusted face. ‘She sick. She get hit in face.Lip swollen. I tell her stay home tonight. No good to me likethat. Look like backside of dog.’ ‘Dog’s arse,’ the man translates, and laughs again. ‘You’rea heartless cow Susie. The poor girl needs the money. I don’tsuppose you’re paying her sick pay, are you?’ Susie sips her drink and shakes her head vehemently. ‘Sheno fuck, I no pay.’ ‘So if you’re on your own tonight…’ The man leers at herand she turns her face away from the whisky fumes. ‘…how’sabout you and me gettin’ together. Just a quickie for old times’sake, huh?’ ‘You disgusting pig,’ Susie says, belatedly shoving his handfrom her backside. Then she tips her head to one side and acalculating look forms on her face. ‘Two thousan’ baht,’ shesays. This seems to be the funniest thing the man has heard inyears. He roars with laughter and people turn and stare. ‘Jesus, Susie, you’re a trier, I’ll give you that. Two thousandbaht?’ he chuckles again, then his voice becomes serious. ‘I’llgive you five hundred.’ ‘One thousan’ baht,’ Susie replies promptly, but the manshakes his head. ‘Not worth it darling. I ain’t asking you to put on your littlevirgin act. Just a straight fuck. Out the back will do.’ ‘Seven hun’erd,’ she says and he sucks his gums, giving her 392

a long look up and down. ‘You’re on,’ he says. He throws his drink down his throat and prises himself fromthe stool, simultaneously hitching his trousers up at the waistand pulling them down at the crotch. They head towards theback of the bar together and disappear through a door I hadn’tnoticed before. I leave my beer and walk out into the hot night. * 393

PART 6PATTAYA AGAIN 394

36 Naak takes me to the airport on the back of her little Honda. Ko Samui airport is the nicest airport I’ve ever been in, allpalm trees and thatched roofs. The Arrivals and Departuresareas don’t even have walls, and the atmosphere is relaxed. I’m sorry to be leaving Ko Samui, and Naak. I arrived three days ago, fresh from the horrors of Bangkokand Ron, badly in need of some rest and recuperation. Arriving on Samui, I got just a hint of how those GIs feltwhen they were whisked from the front in Vietnam and depos-ited in Thailand. I had no idea what I was going to do. I just wanted to lie ona beach and soak up some sun, maybe read a book. The onlything I knew for certain was that I wouldn’t be hanging out inany red light districts. I’d had my fill of them and I’d learnedan important lesson. I came to Thailand sure that I didn’t want to sleep with anyhookers on moral and medical grounds. Now, I knew that I should avoid them because I’m just plainawful at it. I think back to that first day in Pattaya with the boys. Howeasy it was for them to just go with the flow. To pick up a girl,have sex with her, and let her go. As easy, it would seem, asfalling off a log. But I couldn’t do it. I look back over the catalogue of disastrous encounters I’ve 395

had with prostitutes. First their was Anna, who danced naked before me andtaught me that, contrary to my expectations, I could be severe-ly turned on by a prostitute. But I’d hesitated, and she’d endedup with Ted. Well, good luck to him. Maybe it was just whathe needed. Then there was Kara, with whom I’d played pool inJacky’s Bar. I’d liked her. She’d seemed sweet, but the lan-guage barrier had thrown me. How could I be with a woman Icouldn’t talk to? So I’d let her go off with that Scouse git. Then, in Chiang Mai, the loneliness had got to me and I’dpicked up Lucy without really meaning to. Even at the time Ihadn’t been sure I’d really go through with it, but I’d paid herbar fine and she’d taken me to that lady boy bar and then I’drun away like a scared little boy. God, how humiliating thatlittle episode was. But you could say I bounced back, especially when I gotcarried away with the idea of three in a bed. And I almost gotthere, with Mina and Susie, but it wasn’t to be. Ron spoiledthat for me. Or did he? Susie wasn’t what she appeared to be, a fact thatwould have come home to me sooner or later no doubt. It would have been nice though, if it had been just a coupleof minutes later. No, it was clear that I’m simply not the sort of man who cansleep with prostitutes. Which is why, three days ago when I arrived on Samui, itcame as a big surprise when I met Naak and ended up in bedwith her. I’d spent the day on the beach and my skin was glowingin places that hadn’t seen the sun yet. My mind was nowhereand everywhere. I was sitting in a bar when she came and satbeside me but didn’t speak. 396

After a couple of minutes I said ‘Hi’, and she smiled andsaid ‘Hi’ back. And that was it. We’ve had a really nice couple of days together. I renteda hut on the beach. It had a nice deck at the front and twowooden steps that disappeared into the sand. Naak doesn’t speak much English, though she has someGerman, but I found that, after all that had happened to merecently, I didn’t feel much like talking anyway. I used to thinkthat language was what let you know someone. Now, I’m notso sure it isn’t what divides us. It seems that no one I’ve meton this holiday told the whole truth about themselves, andeveryone had a hidden agenda that words helped them conceal. Naak’s agenda was crystal clear. She wanted to hang outwith me for the rest of my holiday, and she expected me to payher the going rate. End of story. On the second day I found myself holding her hand as wewalked around the market, and that was nice. Perhaps nice things only happen when you stop looking forthem. It’s late morning when I arrive in Pattaya. The plane toBangkok leaves in four hours so the lads have some time tokill. They don’t know I’m coming, but I’m guessing I can findthem. Sure enough, they’re at Jacky’s bar. Ray and Mean Bob are engrossed in a game of pool on onetable while Benny and John are on another. That leaves Tedsitting alone at the bar. I notice a trio of girls sitting at one of the tables, watch-ing the games in a bored way. I recognise John’s girl, but Idon’t see Anna. Then I take a closer look at the third girl andmy curiosity is piqued. She’s clearly a lady boy, and not a 397

good looking one either. She has a big nose and a strong chinand she hasn’t had a chance to shave this morning. Her fiveo’clock shadow is quite pronounced. I can’t believe she’s withone of the lads, so I suppose she must just be friends with oneof the other girls. No-one notices my arrival so I slide onto a stool next to Tedand wave at the girl behind the bar. I order a pint and at thesound of my voice Ted swivels around, a big smile of welcomeon his face. ‘Mike! Where’d you come from? We all thought you’d goneback to England!’ ‘The rumours of my departure were premature,’ I quip. ‘But where have you been? Have you been avoiding us?’ ‘In a manner of speaking,’ I admit, ‘but I haven’t beenducking round corners if that’s what you mean. I’ve been trav-elling around Thailand.’ I spend a few minutes giving him the highlights. I leaveout the more sordid stuff. I’m sure the lads have had enoughsexual adventures between them this week to put my littleescapades in the shade. ‘So, where’s Anna?’ I ask, changing the subject. ‘Don’t tellme you dumped her for another girl.’ ‘Oh, I wouldn’t do that,’ he assures me. ‘She’s a lovely girl.Really lovely. But I said goodbye to her earlier. I didn’t want ascene at the airport, you know?’ I nod. ‘She’s been good for you,’ I tell him. ‘I can’t remem-ber ever seeing you looking so relaxed. And you got a tan. Igather you’ve enjoyed yourself.‘ ‘Mike, I can’t tell you what it’s been like. It’s been the besttwo weeks of my life, it really has.’ ‘So what happens now?’ ‘How d’you mean?’ ‘Well, you’re supposed to fly back today. Are you going?’ 398

Ted’s big face creases in a frown. ‘Of course I am,’ he says.‘What else would I be doing? ‘Staying here with Anna,’ I suggest mildly, but he looksshocked. Clearly the idea hasn’t even occurred to him. ‘Oh, I couldn’t do that,’ he says, his voice trembling slight-ly. ‘Joyce’s waiting for me.’ ‘With a frying pan, probably,’ I point out. ‘You said it your-self, the best two weeks of your life. What’s there to go backfor?’ But he’s already shaking his head, looking quite panicky. ‘But this isn’t real life, Mike. It’s just a holiday! Real lifeis back in England. Joyce, and the job and all that. I can’t juststay here.’ ‘You’ve got responsibilities,’ I suggest and he seizes on mywords. ‘Aye, I have. I can’t let everyone down. And we’ve got abig match coming up, next Friday. We’re playing Barker’s.They’ve won the last three matches, but we reckon we’ve gota good chance this time. The lads are depending on me.’ I give in. ‘You’re right, of course. It was just a crazy idea.Of course you have to go back.’ Ted’s not stupid. He’s picked up the significance of that‘you.’ ‘What about you, Mike?’ he says. ‘Aren’t you coming backwith us?’ ‘No. I thought I might stay out here a while longer. It’s a bigworld and I haven’t seen much of it yet.’ ‘But what about your job? Arnold won’t be happy if youstay out here for another fortnight.’ I have to smile. I’m telling Ted I’m not going home and hestill can’t see more than a couple of weeks ahead. ‘I’m resigning,’ I tell him. ‘I’ve written Arnold a letter. Iwondered if you wouldn’t mind giving it to him when you get 399