101 I went into my backyard and dug up my journal and other notes I left buried back there. I spent about five hours reading, adding, and rereading my notes to make sure I had noted everything that happened in the last two months. I also updated a few activity logs in case I forget the locations of the Amherst cliques. After I was finished with the notes, I put them back into the box in the ground and stepped the grass down to make it look as though nothing was there. I was just about to head back inside when I heard a rabbit crawling into my yard from a small crevice in the fence. I stopped for a moment to enjoy the beauty of the little bugger. While looking at it I started thinking of Samantha again. For some reason, I can’t explain, that rabbit reminded me of when I was being assaulted by Tom and Tommy. I went inside, strung my bow, opened my window and drew an arrow to the kisser. I hesitated for a moment when I aimed at the rabbit until I saw Samantha’s image flash before me. I flinched and released the arrow sending it straight at the rabbit and in an instant the rabbit hit the fence dead. I realised that I had to clean the mess up after I shot the arrow so I put my bow away and went outside to bury the rodent. I couldn’t figure out where to bury it. I picked it up and could feel its warmth in my hand, still very fresh. Again, reminding me of Samantha. It’s as if I’m being mentally haunted by her. I walked to the gate that led under my deck and dug a small hole to put the rabbit in. Once it was on the ground I sat down and waited. I wish so dearly that Sam would come around that corner and open the gate to see me. I just want to be able to hold her again. Even if it’s only once just so I can say my goodbye. Sitting here under this cold dark deck made me realise how little my life means to everyone. If an intelligent, beautiful girl like her can die and have her entire family killed and no one cares, then why would anyone care if I died tomorrow or even today? I killed Matthew under this very deck and hid his body in a forest. No one would ever be able to find him, yet they still try hard to find him. It makes no sense that a rude, flatulent, underachiever’s death hits front-page news, gets an entire police force looking for him, and has everyone in the entire county in tears. But when Samantha died, I didn’t hear a single person, not even my own mother, say how sorry she feels about my loss. How anyone will ever miss her. No television news update, no paper article, not even a Facebook status
102 change for it. All she was given was a pretty picture of herself in an obituary stating that she died. To top it all off, they screwed up the picture and it had a shadow in the bottom of the shot from improper scanning. What I need to do is make them all see it. I need to let everyone know how terrible they are inside and how the good people of this world go unrecognised when they shouldn’t. I need to eliminate the bullies from Amherst and stop bad people from developing in the future. If I can encourage children to be well-behaved and nice to one another at a young age by killing off the current corrupted individuals, then they will grow up in fear of what might happen if they aren’t polite to others. I need to rethink my entire plan now. I have to execute Project X-Out before I graduate. I stayed under the deck for almost forty minutes talking to myself about how I’m going to execute X-Out before I graduate. After the first half hour of arguing and pointing out flaws, I finally had a better view on how this will all go down. The only problem is I need to host a rave. I saw small patches of light shining through the deck and quickly got up and started walking to my bus stop. I was under there longer than I thought. The sun was rising, and if I don’t hurry, I’ll miss my bus. Noticeably increasing my pace with every step to the point I was doing a light job I couldn’t help but wonder how I was going to set up a rave. I don’t know the first thing about parties and I don’t know any people who would be able to send out a message to such a large group of people. When I look at it, it just seems so easy. One: Find a place. The shutdown factory that I was in a month ago will work perfectly. Two: Set up glow in the dark paint and install ultraviolet lights around the factory. Three: Find a half-ass DJ and have him bring obnoxiously loud and repetitive dubstep music. Four: Get the message out no more than twenty-four hours before the event. Five: Make sure Collin’s group attends.
103 Thinking about it is easy. Proper initiation is the only hard part. I’ll need to find out who the most worthy candidates are that can spread the word the quickest without letting the wrong people know. I’m thinking if I target small drug mules and dealers at local schools and hangouts then that would work the best. People in that industry have a sort of code. I feel that they would be able to keep their voices down about that and only let trusted individuals know of it. Irony written all over that. I can get the paint supplies from a paint store in La Salle, that’s no problem at all. I won’t even have to pay money for it. As for the DJ, I’m sure someone will be up for the job if I throw a forged letter of recommendation at them. I’m taking a gamble at thinking Collin and his group of merry chaps will attend. It’s honestly a roll of the dice on who comes. I’m not even sure they like parties but they’re popular teenagers. They have to. Sitting at the bench with my eyes closed trying to picture how this will all go down, I feel as though someone is watching me. I opened my eyes and looked around to see if anyone was there but I couldn’t see anybody. It’s probably just my own paranoia getting the better of me. “Hi there!” said a too-cheery-for-morning voice from behind me. I jumped up, startled by the sudden change in volume. “Holy nutballs, who the hell are you?” A girl was standing behind me; her hair was frizzy and honey blonde. She had this unnaturally happy aura that made me feel weirdly uncomfortable. “My name is Jessica but you can call me Jess.” Her voice was loud and way too happy for a Monday morning. “Are you new to the school?” I laughed a little. “Far from new.” “I haven’t seen you at this stop or at school before. I’ve been here for, like, three weeks.” “I was on vacation three weeks ago,” I lied. “I just got back from a trip to Algonquin last night.” “Oh cool!” “Yeah…cool.” “What’s your name?” I don’t know if I should tell her my name. What if everyone at the school knows what happened to me and she heard it from them? I’ll
104 be harassed nonstop about it until I can leave. Maybe I can give her my name without giving her my known name. “My name is Alex.” “I like that name; it’s actually one of my favourites. Mostly because of Alexander the Great.” “Interesting.” Why do I, of all people, have to suffer like this? “You seem pretty quiet. Is something wrong?” “No.” “Oh, okay then.” This is the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had in my entire life and that’s coming from someone who is socially awkward. I hope this bus stop isn’t hers permanently. If it is, I might just have to kill her, too. “So yeah, I just moved into the house with the grey roof over there. Where do you live?” Goddammit. “I live way over there,” I said, pointing toward the south. “How long does it take you to walk here every morning?” “Not long enough.” “What does that mean?” I just stayed silent. “Either way I hope you and I can be good friends for the year. I haven’t had much luck on making friends at school.” “You’re talking to the wrong person, girly. I don’t have any friends.” “Great! More of a reason for me and you to be friends.” I shouldn’t have said that. I’m going to stop talking until the bus gets here, now. Literally seconds later, the bus sped around the corner, as per the usual. Once I got on, I sat down in my regular seat, three seats away from the door on the left side entering the bus and closed my eyes, hoping Jess wouldn't sit next to me. “Do you mind if I sit here?” she asked. “Yes,” I unenthusiastically responded. She sat down next to me after I clearly said I did mind. I don’t think she’s very good at understanding things. It would explain why she is going to this school, though. Western High has the best learning support programs and traits education in all of Essex County. It’s also the only school in this area equipped with handicap
105 entrances for the physically disabled and special education programs for the mentally challenged. “I like your accent,” she said after a few moments of silence. “What accent?” I was a little confused because I’ve been using my American accent all morning. I don’t think I once changed to my normal, Scottish accent. “You have a small amount of British in some of your words and you roll your R's every so often.” She has sharp hearing, it seems, and is also keen on finding small details. I just grew to like her a little more. “Indeed.” I didn’t know what to say. “Thanks.” She asked so many questions during this bus ride and for some reason I kept answering them. I hinted at her to stop talking so many times but she just didn’t get the hints. Once the bus finally stopped at the school, I was so relieved to be able to get off. Unfortunately, Jess followed me inside the school and all the way to my locker. “Don’t you need to go to your locker?” I asked her, opening mine. “I’m at my locker already,” she said, opening the padlock to the locker next to me. I slammed my locker shut and looked over at her in a fiery rage, trying to control my temper and breathing. I walked away. I can’t believe they gave her locker to someone already. I’m not even sure I can handle looking at that locker anymore. The memories are just too painful. I rushed my way to the office, all the students were just looking at me and moving as far out of my way as they could, and I demanded to speak to Mrs. Pacco. Ms. Wailoway just pointed to Mrs. Pacco’s office with her pen. I opened the door without knocking to see two officers arresting her and reading her rights. Suddenly the entire day just became better. I went from incredibly upset to incredibly happy in an instant. I had a smile on my face as I watched her get taken out of her office in handcuffs. I was just as confused as I was happy that she was finally gone. This means I can transfer schools as early as Monday. Perhaps this means she was having sexual relations with students at the school. Someone must have felt guilty to the point they reported her to the principal or even directly to the police. This is a wonderful day to come back to school.
106 “Rivers?” said a familiar voice from behind me. I turned around to see Detective Liam coming out of the principal’s office. “Valory?” I replied, confused why she was here. “What are you doing here?” “It was in Marker’s notes that he suspected the vice principal of this school to be involved sexual relations with underaged students. I figured I’d give it a quick investigation and get something from his work put to rest.” “I’m so glad to see that you’re coping well with everything and making his name live on.” “Do you go to school here or something?” she asked jokingly, as if it was an impossible thought. “Not for long. I actually came here to get my transfer request pushed through. It seems that I’ll have to come back another day, though.” “Nonsense!” the principal hollered from behind Valory. “I can process that now if you’d like.” “Today’s your lucky day, Lex.” Valory smiled. “Seems so.” Finally, a hand of luck! “Well, it’s good to see you again, Lex. I need to get going. Plenty of work, y’know.” “Good seeing you too, Valory. Take care of yourself out there.” As soon as she left, Principal Garlet processed the transfer forms as I had been requesting for months now. It was such a quick process. After I receive my transcripts in the mail, I can go to Amherst and complete the transfer as planned. This day just keeps getting better and better. I don’t even have to catch up on the three weeks of work I missed because it won’t be able to affect my grades any longer with the transcripts moving to another school. The rest of that day went by quickly, and now I have the remainder of the week to work on the project without any distractions or interruptions.
107 Down Memory Lane The most upsetting week I will ever have has just started. I received a letter in the mail stating that no one arranged for Samantha’s body to be buried. She had no will and no prior burial arrangements present. The only thing that was left was a pocket watch with a picture of her kissing me on the cheek at a photo booth. The cover of the pocket watch had a symbol that only she and I would understand. I should probably thank Valory later for being the one to take charge in the matter and have all Sam’s personal effects sent to me. If not for her I’d have probably forgotten about this moment we shared. Back in the spring of 2008, Samantha and I snuck into an outdoor theatre to watch an Ocean’s marathon they were having. At the end of the second movie it started raining out of the blue and we were looking for somewhere to keep dry. We stumbled along a back door leading into a clock shop. Neither of us had ever seen or heard of this clock store until that day. We got in and there was an elderly couple trying to move a large willow wood grandfather clock off of a dolly. I noticed that the strap on the dolly was caught on the old man’s belt and if he had kept moving the clock he would have fallen, possibly knocking the clock over onto him. I rushed over and untangled the strap from his belt then helped them move the clock off the dolly. Samantha moved the dolly out from under the clock and also helped push it against the wall. The old man was very thankful for the assistance and also for potentially saving his life. He gave us a pocket watch for free and offered to engrave it with anything we wanted. We spent a little while drawing out a symbol to be engraved and finally came up with one. I was a terrible artist, but Samantha was very good at drawing. Together we drew three raindrops on the disk of a pendulum, like the one on the grandfather clock. The raindrops were a reminder that even rainy days can be good days. The pendulum was obviously because we helped the clockmaker out that day and also saved his life. It seems really cheesy, but that watch meant a lot to us. After we received it, we promised to treasure it until the day we died. Now
108 that one of us is actually dead, I feel like I should continue to treasure it, in memory of her. I know that’s what she would have wanted. The photo of use inside the pocket watch is actually from when we went on our first date together. Originally it was supposed to be a “dinner as friends,” but as anyone would know, that’s just a dumb thing shy people say so that they don’t overreact on a date and make themselves look like a total fool in front of their date and in front of dozens of other people—like at a theatre when you trip going down the stairs on the way to the bathroom. After an embarrassing moment in a theatre, we decided to go for a walk around the mall. We walked around and loitered for a couple hours before we saw a photo booth. Sam insisted that we make a photo memory “as friends” and dragged me into the booth. After a few failed shots of us trying to get comfortable in the tiny little booth I just gave up and put her on my lap. My face was completely red, so we took another photo. On the last shot, she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. It was the most cliché love story moment, which is what made it so perfect, because it actually happened outside of the stories. I closed the watch because it hurt too much to keep looking at the picture. I could feel my heart being torn apart every second I looked at the photo and even holding the watch put me in excruciating pain. I can’t say I’ve ever felt this sick before. A few days later, I got another letter. This time it was an automated letter that was sent from the cremation services basically stating they are sorry for my loss and have had the cremated remains sent to me. Shows here I should receive it tomorrow morning. I’m not even sure what to do with cremated remains. Should I just stick it in my room or do I have to dump it into the ocean? Perhaps I can put her inside my family crypt where I am going to be buried. Actually, that’s a great idea. I shall visit my family crypt this week since I have the time off anyways. This will give me some time to pay my respects to my dead family members too. It’s been a long time since I’ve been there, anyways.
109 The rest of that day I was unable to focus on anything. I was way too depressed to go out or even play a video game. I was in my bedroom all day with the lights off and my window covered with a black screen. Lying there, I couldn’t help but think of another memory I had of Samantha. As short of a relationship as it was, Sam and I did a decade’s worth of events and had a millennium's worth of moments. On my birthday, in October, she ended up blindfolding me and taking me to dinner. She had help from my mother arranging everything, of course. We went to a fancy French restaurant called the Willistead. I had never been in here before but just looking at the place I could only imagine how expensive the food is. Once we arrived, we were the only ones there. All the chairs and tables had been removed, except for ours, and the chef had personally seated us down while he made Sam’s order. I didn’t get the chance to order because Sam said I’ll like the food she had the chef prepare. This worried me a little. While sitting there, we could hear some classics playing softly in the background. Sam was looking incredibly happy at what she had arranged, and it was really well done. I didn’t even have words to describe how perfect everything was that day. Our meals came faster than expected and the chef pulled out a bell from his apron pouch. He handed it to Samantha and she rang it. After she handed him the bell back and he left to the kitchen a man walked in from the back room and bowed to us. He then walked over to the piano and started playing various classical pieces starting with Passacaglia by the classical artist known as Handel. This evening just got even more perfect. Sam and I talked about many things that night. There was no set topic. It was just two hours of her and I. With every topic change I learned more and more about her as she did me. The only bad part about the night was when we had to leave the restaurant when the chef had to go home. Once we left, I had thought the night was over. I was wrong. A limousine was waiting outside for us. I couldn’t believe she went this extreme for a birthday and she wouldn’t tell me where we were going, either. After what seemed to be a fairly quick ride, we stopped and
110 got out. She said for me not to open my eyes as she put the blindfold back on me. I made a joke at that and she smacked me in the butt. We entered a building, which smelled of lilacs and peaches, then walked down a hallway, made a right turn, and waited. I had a feeling we were in a hotel, but I didn’t want to spoil whatever her surprise was going to be so I kept my mouth shut. After I heard the elevator ding I knew, then, we were in a hotel. The elevator seemed to be moving slightly faster than a normal one; I could only assume we were in a maintenance elevator. Once we got to the top floor, we walked into a room that smelled of fresh salt water and was very humid. It was a pool room. Sam removed the blindfold along with my shirt and kissed me. The two men that were escorting us had already walked back the way they came, shutting the blinds on the doors and locking them on their way out. We were alone now. She kept kissing me while I undressed her as best I could. The rush I felt at that moment was like no other. She undressed me as I did her until we were both in our underwear. She grabbed me by both hands and dragged me toward the edge of the pool. When she asked me to feel the water, I realised it was already too late to react. She pushed me headfirst into the pool then laughed at me and jumped in herself. Her perfect body figure was swimming up to the surface of the water in front of me. Her long, red hair pushed back, making her blue eyes stand out more clearly. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have such a perfect woman in my life. We swam around for a while until we realised that what we were wearing was only getting in the way. She took off her bra and walked toward me in the water. Once she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me, I knew right then and there we wouldn’t be in the pool for much longer. I picked her up; she wrapped her legs around my waist and started grinding on me. I could feel my face going red. I carried her out of the pool and then we had amazing sex on the deck. I only wish she was alive today to remember that eighteenth birthday with me. Standing here looking down at the tombs of my
111 family, I realised that not everyone can live forever and not everyone will be happy as long as they live. Instead of living my life in sorrow I should try and learn something from all of this. As I removed my nameplate from the wall, I hesitated and thought of what it would have been like if I had died. Would anyone be here today to put my body at rest? If so, would it have been Sam? I screwed in the new nameplate and placed her urn on the shelf. It read “Lex Rivers and Samantha Lapri-Rivers.” I know it’s what she would have wanted if she were still here to do this. When I die, I hope they put this urn inside my casket with my arms wrapped around it with our pocket watch in my hand. If they don’t, I’m going to be very upset. “Goodbye, Sammy. I’ll always love you.” I shut the tomb door and locked it behind me. The rest of my night was dark and depressing as I walked home, alone, in the rain without an umbrella.
112 Amherst—Finally It’s Monday February 9, 2009. The morning is cold and the air is thin. We were supposed to have a massive snowstorm, but it didn’t hit so now we have an extremely cold and dry winter morning. I’ve gathered all my notes I had been touching up on over the week and put them back in the box I took from outside. Normally I’d go back out there and rebury it but today is especially cold and I am almost running late for my first day at a new school, so I just put it under my bed against the wall. I walked to the front door to get my shoes, and Charlie was there, waiting for me. “Hurry up, man!” he said. “You’re gonna be late for your first day at school. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” I replied, slipping my shoes and coat on. The walk to school was quiet because we were too cold to want to talk about anything. The wind chill had to have been -15°C this morning. When we got into the school, it was nearly empty of students. Apparently there were no buses running this morning, and for some reason, the students think that’s an excuse to not show up for classes. “Easy first day, I guess,” Charlie said in a joking manner. “You can meet me at locker 341 at lunch break, if you want.” “Is that at the top floor?” I asked. “Yeah, it's on the top floor. Just take the main stairs by the office and turn left twice.” After he walked away to go to his class, I went to the office and got my schedule from the secretary. It showed I had third year music first period, science 2U second, mathematics 3U, and creative writing 4C as my final class of the day. Just looking at this semester’s classes, I can already tell it will be a walk in the park. Period One, I walked in late because I was having difficulty finding the class. The classroom just says “Music Room” and not any specifics on how to get there. The teacher is standing at the front of the classroom talking to the class so I decided to wait at the door until he stopped talking. “And, class, we might not have a band this year. We are running short on students willing to join, so if you want to join you’ll need
113 to let me know in the next two weeks.” All the students were in awe about his news. “You at the door”—he pointed at me—“are you Alexander River?” “Please,” I replied, “call me Lex. Also, it’s Rivers, with an S.” “Sweet, I’m Mr. Shawl. What do you play?” “I don’t play any instrument,” I lied. He didn’t seem too happy to hear that. “Why are you in third year music if you don’t even play an instrument?” “I’m new to the school, if you give me a chance I’ll learn something.” He let out a sigh. “Do you like flute or clarinet at all?” “I do, but I can’t play woodwind or brass.” I just told him I had a medical issue and it prevents strenuous breathing. I didn’t really, but I don’t want to spend my year playing a clarinet. “Okay, how about the xylophone?” “Like a piano?” “Yeah, like a piano but with sticks” “Cool, I can do that.” He pointed to the back of the room where two younger-looking males were sitting behind drum sets. It looks like I’ve got the party seat. Everyone was looking at me strangely as I walked past them. Don’t they know staring is rude? When I sat down, both the drummer boys looked at me as if I were the elephant in the room. I looked over at them and said, “Hi, I’m Lex. You’re the smart one, and he’s the ADHD one, right?” I could tell the one on the right was the smarter one because the backpack next to him was filled with textbooks and the one on the left had a bag of chips and drumsticks sticking out of his bag. They both laughed, and the smart one said, “I’m Matt and this is Kyle.” “Hi,” Kyle said, waving. Mr. Shawl came over and dropped a book on the snare drum for me and walked back to the front of the class asking everyone to open up to page 3. The song was a sixteenth-century march by Willard Palmer and Amanda Vick Lethco. I grabbed the book, positioned it on the xylophone stand, and looked at the notes. It was a very basic song that only required one hand to play. I picked up two of the xylophone sticks in one hand and waited for him to start conducting.
114 “Instruments up, ladies.” He focused attention on a group of girls in the back who had been staring at me since I walked in the room, “On three—one, two, three.” He started conducting in a four-four pattern, and the entire class started playing in sync. Already knowing how to play the xylophone, I played every note without fail. The teacher cut off the song at the end and everyone lowered their instruments when he lowered his conductor’s baton. “Rivers,” he said, looking at his notes in front, “I thought you didn’t play any instruments.” “I don’t,” I replied, “not since now, at least.” “Can you do piano, timpani, and drums too?” I nodded my head and said, “Yeah, probably.” “All right, come up here and play something for us on the piano. I want to see how good you are.” He uncovered the piano and pulled up the bench to it. I walked to the front of the class and sat down on the bench. “What do you want me to play?” “The first thing that comes to mind.” He openly gestured. He didn’t give me a song to play so it looks like I’m going to have to wing it from here. I put my hands in the C position and played a few notes. Just as a sort of warm up to hear for some sort of rhythm or pattern of notes I think would work well together. “Try C, G, and C,” he suggested. I played the three notes with my left hand and liked the sound of it. I copied the same notes with my right hand and just started playing. The music didn’t sound good to me, but to everyone else it sounded great. I’m not sure what it was about what I played that they liked, though. They all just said it was “amazing” and clapped. “You’re on piano and xylophone now,” he said firmly. For the rest of the class, I was switching back between the piano and xylophone. I hope by tomorrow he has the piano either closer to the back or the xylophone closer to the front because I’m already tired of walking back and forth. Once the class was over, I made my way to the science lab, which was located in the hall near the front doors of the school. I got to the classroom, and no one, not even the teacher, was here. I felt awkward being the only one here and also not having a place to sit so I walked to the teacher’s desk and stood there waiting
115 for her. It says on my schedule that her name is Ms. Donono. It’s a very odd last name. “Lex?” a familiar, feminine voice said from the door. I turned around and, to my surprise, saw Tasha Fidélle standing at the door, helping the teacher roll in a trolley of beakers and test tubes. “Holy crap.” I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t seen Tasha since high school started. After that summer of graduation, we just kind of drifted further and farther apart. Stopped talking, stopped texting, and just sort of focused on school, I guess. “Oh, you must be my new student!” Ms. Donono said with a huge smile on her face. “I’ve heard great things about you from Mr. Shawl just a few minutes ago. I’m glad to have you in my class.” I didn’t know what to say, so I just smiled and nodded my head. “Lex, this is so cool!” Tasha seemed overly excited to see me. She was practically jumping up and down. “Tasha, since you no longer have a lab partner, I guess you could be Lex’s partner, if you want.” Ms. Donono looked a little confused as to what was happening. “Yes!” she answered excitedly. “That’d be great!” “Yeah sure, don’t mind my say in this,” I said sarcastically, “I’ll be your lab partner.” “You haven’t changed a bit, Lex!” Tasha laughed. Tasha directed me to my stool and also handed me a text book from the shelf. She seems to have the routine memorised, so I guess I’ve got the smart kid in the class as my lab partner. No surprises there. Tasha has always been one of the smartest students around. A second bell rang. I assume that’s the “classes are in session” bell since all the students came rushing in moments afterward. “Rivers?” I heard Matt say from behind me. I turned around and saw him sitting directly behind me and I said, “’S’up.” Then I turned back to face the teacher. “Good morning, class,” she announced. “We have a new student joining us for the remainder of the year. Please welcome Lex Rivers to the class.” A few students in the back started whispering to one another and moments later one of them raised his hand. “Yes, Andrew?” she called upon him.
116 “Yeah, I have a question,” he said. “Is that the same Lex Rivers from the news?” I looked at the teacher as if telling her that was an unacceptable question to be asking in class. She looked at me confused as to what he meant and said, “I don’t know what you’re referring to, Andrew. Perhaps you can ask him yourself?” I turned around to face him, and he immediately knew it was me. “I don’t recall any newscasts broadcasting that story,” I said, “That would mean your father is an officer, and you are snooping around his business, am I right?” I had to play this one cool. I don’t know how much he knows of what happened or even what incident he is referring to, if not both. “I heard you were shot twice in the body by a crime lord before an officer killed him. Is that true?” I paused for a moment. “Yes.” Everyone went into shock and awe when I said that and several asked to see the wounds as proof. “If it’s okay with Ms. Donono here, I could show you all.” I directed the attention to the teacher to see if she would find it inappropriate for me to lift my shirt in class or not. “Yeah, go ahead,” she said. “I had no idea that there was ever a crime lord in this area.” I lifted my shirt to show them the scars, and Tasha looked worried for me, almost ready to cry. “No one was supposed to know. The story was kept a secret and out of the press. I’m not sure what you know of the actual incident, but whatever you may have read in the reports is most likely 100 percent accurate.” “I knew Marker,” Andrew said with sorrow. “He was a good man, best friends with my dad.” “He was a good man,” I sympathised. “He saved my life out there.” The whole room went silent after I sat down. “Okay,” Donono broke the silence, “let’s try and remove the negative buzz in the air and get on track with this class, shall we?” The entire class was a review of what was done from the start of the semester. Ms. Donono was helping me out by postponing the day’s lesson and trying to get me as caught up as she could. Luckily for her, I understood everything she said. Tasha was oddly quiet for the remainder of the class and when the bell rang she asked if she could have lunch with me. Knowing my brother
117 would be waiting for me, I said yes and informed her where I would be meeting my brother. The bell for lunch rang, and the students that were still at the school either went to the cafeteria or they went home early because the teachers didn’t want to do a full class of learning a new lesson with such a small number of students. I walked upstairs to my brother’s locker and waited for him to show up. After about two minutes, he finally arrived, and seconds after that Tasha arrived. I introduced the two and told him that I’d be having lunch with her. He said he was just going to go home since he has a gym then a spare. After we parted ways, Tasha led me to the basement of the school where she and I could talk without worry of people hearing us. It was dark and cold in the basement, and it smelled like musty concrete in certain rooms. There were classrooms filled with desks, chairs, and sports equipment all over. It would seem as though they no longer use this stuff anymore and just store it down here. “I’m sorry to go all quiet and super secretive all of the sudden,” Tasha said quietly. “I was just worried when I heard what Andrew said in class earlier today.” “It’s okay,” I said worry free. “I’m here now, aren’t I? “Yeah, but you could have died, and I would never have known until it was too late to say anything.” “What do you mean by ‘say anything’?” “You remember when we were kids, back in grade 8?” “Of course.” “Well, we just stopped talking to each other one day during the summer after graduation and then, like—” “Tasha, I’m sure you were just as busy as I was, if not more. I understand.” “Yeah, but I feel really back for not being there for you.” “Look, it’s okay. It’s probably my fault we didn’t talk much, anyways. I just got so busy with school I just forgot about everything else.” “I know the exact feeling.” “So let’s not blame anyone for this and just leave it at that, ya?” “I guess, but I’m still going to feel bad.” There was a silence for a moment and I pulled her close to me and hugged her. “Don’t feel bad. It’s good to see you again, Tash.” She hugged back. “Good to see you too, Lex.”
118 “So, what did you want to talk about?” “What do you mean? That was it.” “No, there was something else. You wouldn’t bring me down here in the cold, damp, dark basement of the school if there wasn’t something you wanted to ask me.” “Umm…nope.” “Tasha.” I just looked at her patiently “Okay okay. I wanted to ask you what happened but I was too afraid of what your reaction would be like.” “Take a seat.” I reached over to grab two chairs from the dark room next to us and we sat in the walkway while I told her the story. I told her everything that would have been in the police report and also some minor details about the Tom and Tommy incident. I never told her I killed anyone, but that the police did instead. After she looked at and felt the scars on my body, she seems to have found a sort of respect for me she never had before. To me, it looked like more of an attraction. “I can’t believe you lived through that much.” She was befuddled at the thought of someone being able to come to school so soon after events like that. I also left out the part about Samantha. I figured it’d be too much for her to take in at once. “We should get to class, right?” “What?” She seemed confused. “Already?” “While I was explaining my story, the bell rang, and you didn’t notice so I figured I’d just keep talking.” “Oh shit I have to get to math.” “Me too. I’m in 3U.” “I’m in 4U, right across the hall. I’ll show you where it is, let’s go!” We went to our math classes and didn’t need to explain why we were late because there was hardly anyone even there to begin with. My math teacher’s name is Mr. Derlock. He’s an uptight guy who doesn’t talk much, unless he’s explaining an equation. Once debriefed me on what was done and currently going on in the class I went and took my seat. The math work was really easy. It consisted of basic algebra, calculus, and everything in between. This math class is definitely not going to be a problem this year.
119 In what seemed like no time at all, the bell for the next class rotation rang. I didn’t meet up with Tasha since, apparently, there is no second bell for the fourth period class to say it started. It just starts when all students are in their classes. Lucky for me, the creative writing class is only three doors down from my math class, so it wasn’t hard to find at all. Once inside the class, I saw four students already sitting down at their desks. Two girls and two guys. The girls were doing their makeup, one Asian and the other Caucasian. The two males were joking and laughing at the back, one African American and the other Caucasian. The teacher, who looked pretty old, looked over his book at me standing there in front of his desk and stayed silent. “Are you Mr. Whilt?” I asked, disregarding the nameplate on the front of his desk with his name on it. “Yes, that’s me,” he said fairly swiftly. “Who are you?” “I’m Lex Rivers,” I replied. The entire class immediately looked over at me. I can only assume they were informed by Andrew of what happened. Let the whispering gossip commence. “Oh yes, I have you right here on my attendance.” He pointed where I would be sitting and then advised me there is no class today; however, once I was in, I couldn’t leave unless I was going to the washroom. I sat down, and the four students were just looking at me. I thought they were going to ask me a question or say something but for thirty minutes it was completely silent. After sitting there for thirty minutes in awkward silence, I looked over at them and said, “Yes, I’m that guy they were talking about.” They all looked at one another, baffled at how I knew what they were all thinking. It isn’t rocket science, after all. No more words were said after that for the remainder of the class. Once the bell rang, we all got up and rushed out of the room. I waited for Tasha at the front door, hoping she would come this way on her way out of the school, and to my luck, she did. “Lex, are you waiting for me?” she asked. “Yeah, I thought we could take this time to catch up.” I was a little shy about it. “That is, if you want to.”
120 “Yeah, I’ve got some time to spare.” She seemed happy that I asked. As she and I walked out the front doors of the school, I could feel great about to happen. I don’t know exactly what, but I know it will be great.
121 Midterms Midterms came a lot faster than I could realise. I’ve managed to catch up to all of the work up to now and I’m pretty confident about doing the midterm exams. I’ve also been able to keep a steady watch on Collin and his group the last few weeks. It seems they always go to the park by the river and sit on the same bench for thirty minutes before heading back to the school. Collin and Jonny recently had an argument with Luca so right now Luca isn’t always around right now. I’m not sure the details of their arguments but as long as they aren’t speaking to each other I can make good use of this opportunity. The sun is going down and the temperature is slowly dropping to a bearable 23°C. I’m currently sitting outside of Luca’s house waiting for his parents to go into the kitchen and turn off the lights. They have the same nighttime routine as they’ve had for as long as I’ve been surveying them. The mother goes to the ground floor and turns off all the lights at 22:05 p.m. and the father goes upstairs from the basement after watching television from 19:00 p.m. to 22:00 p.m. Then the two go to their bedroom and go to sleep as they both work the following mornings, except for Saturdays and Sundays. Luca, at approximately 23:00 p.m., leaves his house to go walk his dog for twenty-five minutes before he goes back home to sleep for the hour following. This will be when I make my move. It’s currently 21:57 p.m., and Luca’s mother should be heading downstairs in a few minutes. The cicadas are starting to quiet down and the crickets are getting louder as the sun lowers. The chill, night time air brushes up against my neck and I suddenly feel invigorated. At 21:05 p.m., right on time, this family moves like clockwork day in and day out. I couldn’t imagine living in such a repetitive household: the same routine, same meals, same boring thing every single day. I’d lose my mind. All that’s left to do is wait for Luca to take him out for a night time stroll and I’ll be able to cross him off my list. I have, with me, my hunting knife and my short bow with three Seikogoja arrows in a small quiver attached to my thigh, three metres of rope crossed over my shoulder and back, and a 35 kHz dog whistle on a beaded chain
122 around my neck. I’m wearing black polyester clothes, black shoes, and a black spandex mask that I custom-made to fit my face comfortably along with a hairnet. My clothing is made loose because I find that loose clothing helps me move easier and helps me keep my movements fluid. I guess it has something to do with the wind flowing through them, which makes me subconsciously feel lighter. Once he comes out of his house, I’ll wait for him to walk halfway around the block. Normally he does two laps around his block but I’ll take him out halfway in case he only feels like going around once tonight. As for his dog, I’ll try not to kill it, even though I hate dogs, but if that little mutt tries to attack me I won’t even hesitate. At 23:00 p.m., I can hear Luca leaving out his back door. Something is off. He always comes out his front door. I got out of the ditch I was staked out in and snuck around the side of his house. He was taking his dog out in the backyard tonight. I think I can still work with this, though. I looked through a gap in the wooden fence to see Luca sitting on a lawn chair waiting for his dog to do its business. I ducked down and blew the whistle for two seconds and heard the dog bark. Luca told it to shut up. It stopped barking so I blew it again and the dog walked toward the side of the house where I was. I walked around the fence slowly and waited for the dog to come around the corner. The little white dog had a collar on it, which would signal with every step it took so knowing when it was close to the corner was very easy. I drew an arrow back and aimed it at the ground where the dog would appear around the corner and waited. A few seconds later, it turned the corner, and I released the arrow. There was only the noise of the arrow piercing its head and down through its throat into its chest. The shot was perfect—not a single whimper or squeal from the little bastard. It took Luca a couple minutes to realise the dog had stopped moving. “Bea?” he called out. “Bea, time to go in.” He called out for his dog, but there was no answer back. “Bea, come on, I don’t feel up for hide-and-seek tonight.” He seemed to be getting impatient. Any moment he’ll come over here looking for his dog, and once he does, I’ll make him feel the pain he and his friends caused me.
123 He started toward the fence, the same way the dog did. I can hear his footsteps in the grass clearly. I slowly back up farther down the fence. I can’t have anyone hearing him if I miss. Dragging the dog by the collar farther back, its collar starts to jingle a little. He followed the sounds until I turned the corner, only I wasn’t there. I was now around the corner further ahead. There are no neighbours for about two kilometres since he lives in a boondock-farm area. There is a small wooded area about half a kilometre behind his house. That is where I will take him once I knock him out. Hopefully no one will hear us out there. “Bea, are you over there?” he asked, seemingly worried. A few more steps. I can feel my heart pounding through my chest; this rush of adrenaline feels so amazing. It’s almost as if time is moving slower with every beat. He turns the corner. “Bea come—” I punched him in the centre of his face with my bow in-hand and he fell to the ground, unconscious. With his nose broken and blood flowing down his face, I grabbed him by the arms and threw him over my shoulder. The hard part begins. I need to carry him half a kilometre behind his house, gag his mouth, and tie him up before he wakes up. Just based on how tired he seemed tonight, I’d guess that I have no more than thirty minutes to get him over there and positioned. It took me about ten minutes to carry him over to the forested area and another five to get him tied up. I found a fairly round rock, shoved it in his mouth, and with the last piece of rope tied it around his mouth. I wish I had brought some water with me. Of all things, why didn’t I think of that? I waited a few minutes after I finished tying him up to take the moment and rest. Once I felt ready I woke him up by kicking him in the stomach. “Wake up!” I demanded. He groaned as tried to move as he awoke. With the gag in place, he was unable to make any loud noises. I’m glad that rock thing worked, never tried that before. “Luca Kazza,” I announced to him, “you have not been very, oh, what’s the word? ``Good’ person.”
124 The moon’s lights shone down between the trees, coincidentally where he happened to be lying and I could see the fear in his eyes. I removed my facemask and he suddenly looked confused and even more afraid. “Do you know why I’ve dragged you out here, twenty miles away from the nearest house?” I had to make him think there was absolutely no chance of him getting away. He shook his head no. “Well, Luca, allow me to educate you.” I drew an arrow from my quiver and played with it. Just to put him on edge even more. “You see, back when we were kids, you and your friends were always bullying other people. Why? I have no idea. Personally, I don’t even care at the moment, but you guys never seemed to look back at the damage it caused others. You just kept on bullying and bullying until you graduated and now you think you run a school.” He started to cry and squirm. I didn’t want him to leave the moonlit space he was in so I stabbed the arrow into his thigh. Blood started to flow onto the ground below him and his tears flowed faster. “Please, don’t move around too much. Thanks,” I said politely. “Now where was I? Oh yes! You and your group seem to think you can do whatever you want without any consequence. I am here to put a halt to that. One by one I will take you down. One by one you will all see my face before I spill your blood. One by one you will beg for forgiveness and one by one I will not accept.” I let out a sigh. “Luca, I honestly thought you’d change. I thought you were growing out of this whole bullying phase and becoming someone who would help others instead of harm. You’re a smart guy and I bet you’d have made a great lawyer. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, there was a letter in your mail. It was something about law school in autumn after you graduate. It seems you won’t be attending school next year to graduate so I just threw it away.” I think I’ve got my message across to him by now. I should probably end his suffering and call it a night. “Luca, I’m sorry you never got to know me before this all happened. I know I would have liked you. We actually have a lot more in common than you think.” I quickly pulled out my arrow from his leg. He tried to scream but the rock gag stopped too much noise from seeping through. “But now, I must say goodbye.”
125 Shaking his head and trying to beg through the gag I slowly drew the arrow with my bow and released it into his heart. Seconds later, the struggling stopped and he was dead. “It’s a shame, right before midterms.” I took the arrow out of his chest, wiped the blood off as best I could, using his shirt, and put it back in my quiver with the other one. I can’t leave any materials behind. The fewer trails I leave behind the better a chance I have of never being caught. What should I do about the body, though? I spent about ten minutes cleaning everything up and made sure that I left nothing behind. As for his body, I did my best to make it look like an accident. I tied the rope around him and hoisted him into the tree above. Once I was in the tree with his corpse I tied the rope to a branch to make it seem as though he had a safety line in case he fell. Using another piece of rope I gave him rope burn along with the side of his neck and shoulders in hopes that if this is ever investigated they would think he was tangled in the rope causing the rope lacerations around his mouth. After I had the body set in the tree, I cut small portions of threads on different angles of the rope to allow tearing in multiple spots. This will, hopefully, fool someone into thinking the rope was cut intentionally and make it seem like either a faulty line or just wear and tear. A little bit of pulling and tugging and his body fell to the ground, hard. I jumped down and positioned his corpse back to the way it was, well, as close as I could get it and then I snapped his neck. I grabbed two sharp sticks from the tree above, put them inside his wounds and twisted them around to make it seem like they were the initial cause of the punctures. I then broke the one in his leg in half from below his leg, thus indicating he fell onto it and it pierced clean through. Once I was sure that the scene was good enough to fool the police, I traced my steps backward with a branch of leaves brushing away my footprints left in the dirt. I finally made it back to the side of his house where I left his dog. I have to clean this mess up now.
126 I went around the fence, turned on the hose, and watered down the grass and lower quarter of the fence, just in case there was any blood on the fence. I pulled out my wallet and inside was my small Ultraviolet light keychain. Using the light I searched for any additional blood spots I had missed and watered them down. After all the blood was cleaned up, I picked up the now-stiffened dog and brought it to the front of their house. They had their garbage can at the front of the street. I can only assume the garbage would be picked up in the morning. I started walking home, still holding the dead dog, and passed about three houses on the way. At the fourth house I opened their garbage pail, untied a bag, put the dog inside, and tied it back up. The rest of my walk home was very quiet and I felt good. Really good. Finally home, I immediately stripped down and took a shower. My clothes were covered in blood so I’ll have to burn them later. For now I’ll just have to put them in the bag until I can start the fireplace up in my backyard tomorrow evening. As for the arrows I can clean those up with bleach and they should be good for a reuse. There was no damage done to the heads surprisingly so I won’t even need to sharpen them. I spent the night cleaning up everything and making sure I have no direct marks that would prove I was involved, just in case I am questioned by anyone. I’m sure I’ll be hearing from Valory once someone finds his body. I just need to get to her before she gets to me. If I can convince her I knew Luca on a personal level, then I can possibly have a slight advantage in that scenario. I just have to make her believe I had no part of it and that someone could be after me, through him. I got into my room and dragged my journal box out from under my bed. I pulled out my journal and pen then flipped to Luca’s page. I completed my journal entry I normally write after a kill and smiled while doing it. Once I finished reading, I shaded in the X located at the top right of the page. Welcome to X-Out, Luca. “Shit!” I said looking outside. It was past sunrise, which means I have to get ready for school. I rushed to get dressed and took a
127 minute to find my school books. I gathered everything together and was about to go out when I realised I left my journal on my bed. I went back to my room, boxed my journal back up, and put it back under my bed. I was halfway to school when I started thinking about the scene with Luca. I had everything set perfectly, but there was one thing I didn’t think of until just now, which would have ensured that Luca wouldn’t be found. I could have just buried him if I brought my spade. Now I’m worried that someone will find him today. If I can just get back there before anyone else does then I can bury him, and no one will ever have to know. I can’t leave midterms, though. It looks like I’m going to hope no one finds him today. Though, I could go now. I have exactly one hour and fifty five minutes before my science midterm. I can just skip my first period music class since there’s no midterm for that class and go there now. His sister will be in school and his parents are at work right now so I can get in and out without being seen. I turned around and ran home. I put my book in my room, grabbed my hiking bag, three one litre bottles of water, and went to the garage to get my spade. I strapped the spade to the back of my pack, took out my bike and pedalled as fast as I could down Alma Street, en route to his house. Hoping and praying that I wouldn’t be too late, pedalling faster and faster, I could only imagine what it would be like if I showed up with a shovel and there were police surrounding the area. I even forgot my helmet, so that only gives them more of a reason to pull me over and possibly ask questions about the scene. I better not be too late. I’m about three kilometres away from his house and I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. No police, no ambulance, and no cars. I better hurry, still. I have just enough time to do this after all. I hid my bike in the ditch across from his house, in the same spot I was waiting for him that night, I took my shoes off and left them with the bike. I snuck to the side of the house and double-checked for any spots of blood I may have missed on my way by.
128 It seems like everything is all cleaned up nicely. Instead of cutting straight through the field, I decided to take a minor detour and make it through on an angle. This way if someone does search the field for footprints, they wouldn’t have an easy time finding mine and without my shoes they’ll only find imprints of my socks in the ground. After about ten minutes of jogging across the field toward the far end of the forest patch, I finally made it in. I manoeuvred my way through the trees to where I left Luca’s body and to my surprise, he was right where I left him. It smelled really bad, though, and there were some bugs crawling on his corpse. It was pretty disgusting to look at, but there’s no going back now. I counted one hundred paces to the farthest side of where his body was and started digging the hole. I can’t dig a hole horizontally, just in case someone were to stumble into here and see the tossed soil, so I started digging as far down as I could leaving only enough room to squeeze myself shovelling inside. Two hours later, I had finished the hole. I dug the hole seven feet deep and three feet by two feet wide. I went back, grabbed Luca and carried him over. It was disgusting and I almost threw up from the smell, but I couldn’t risk leaving a trace that I can’t clean. I did my best not to get his blood on me since I still had to bike home and people would be able to see that. Plus, it’s disgusting. He had to weigh around seventy-seven kilos. He loved to work out every day so his body consisted of mostly muscle mass making it seem even heavier. Once the body was finally in the hole the way I wanted, I started filling it in with the dirt. I made sure to get the dirt in between his legs to leave no gaps of air. Just looking at the sky, it seems we are in for some rain. If there’s an air pocket under the ground, then there’s a chance the soil will push down revealing a part of him on the surface. Once I had the dirt between his legs patted down as best I could get it I poured one of the bottles of water on it. This will have to be my rain, for now. By doing this, I can get some of the air between the dirt to push up, leaving me more room to fill in with dirt. I let that sit for a couple minutes then put more dirt in, pat it down as best I could then started filling in the rest. Once I filled in the hole, I stomped it down as hard as I could, put more dirt on top, then stomped it down
129 again. I did this until I was certain I couldn’t get any more dirt in there. I poured the second bottle of water over the hole and then the last half that I didn’t drink of the third. I let that sit for a few minutes until it was semi dry; then I stomped it down, again. Finally, I sprinkled another layer of dirt over that patted it down then searched for holes, grooves, and other places to put the excess dirt. I spent about another forty minutes doing this. I’m finally done. I looked at my phone to check the time and saw that I had been here for over half the school day. By the time I get home, shower, change, and then get to school I will only have the last hour to do anything and I can’t just come in the next day without an excuse as to why I missed my midterms. With midterms being 33 percent of my final grade, I’ll need to forge a doctor’s note stating I was ill and can’t make it to school but one day isn’t enough, I’ll have to miss at least three which won’t be a problem, I think. On Friday I can come back and do my midterm exams. I’ll even have my own room to do it in. I think I can work this out after all. While I was in the shower, at home, I could help but think of my plan to forge a doctor’s note. What if, one day, I was to get caught and the police figured out that I had a forged note? I’m pretty sure they’d be able to like the, soon to be, missing person’s case with my absence. I’m going to need a real note. I have to make myself sick. I could eat my mother’s cooking, but I’m not sure that’ll do the job. I went into the kitchen and searched for something that would make me sick relatively quickly. I searched the cupboards and found nothing so I decided to search the freezer for anything that might have been in there longer than it should have been. I didn’t find anything but I did have a package of raw chicken breasts sitting in there. If I thaw the chicken, I can eat it and get salmonella poisoning. That will surely incapacitate me for a number of days. I walked to my mother’s bathroom and checked my weight on her scale. It read 161 pounds. I don’t look like I weigh 161 pounds, so that would probably mean I have more muscle than fat in my body. Taking that information I can get a rough estimation of how much chicken I will need to eat to get sick and to make sure I don’t eat too much that it kills me.
130 I put a small pot of water on the stovetop and turned the burner on. Once the water is boiled, I’ll be able to thaw the chicken and, if all goes well, I’ll be hurling my brains out by the end of the night. Now I just have to measure out how much chicken I’ll need to do that. I pulled out the scale, threw a piece of rice paper over it and started slapping on the pieces of thawed chicken. The piece I threw on weighed 3.776 ounces. I’m not certain on how to calculate how much chicken it would take to make me sick, though the thought of it makes me feel sick, but as long as I don’t eat too much at one time I’ll be good. I’ll start by eating one-third of this at a time and let it sit for about an hour before eating another third. “Can’t chicken out now,” I said to myself before I shoved the slice of chicken in my mouth. I started chewing it and all I could think of was how terrible it tasted. The taste literally made me want to throw up, but I couldn’t, I had to finish eating it. The meat was tender and chewy and reminded me of the time I ate a fish, raw. It was wildly unpleasant. Once I swallowed it, I packed the other two pieces in a container and put it in the back of the fridge. I decided it would be best if I took it easy and let that kick in. I’ll just lay here for a bit and rest. It’s been awhile since I had any rest, anyways.
131 Chicken Run I woke up from a clash of lighting in the midnight sky. Thunder rolled across the clouds like a lumber down river and the rain pelted my window like tiny stones. I didn’t know exactly what was going on at the time but I could tell I was quite delirious. I tried to make my way to the bathroom because I could feel the bubbling in my stomach. I was going to throw up. Once in the bathroom I was blinded by the light turning on automatically and I fell to the floor. I couldn’t make it to the toilet so I pulled myself over the bathtub and vomited inside. The pain and feeling of suffocation as I threw up wouldn’t stop. In my life, so far, I’ve been shot, stabbed, and have had my arm snapped in half, but this pain I am feeling now seems worse than all of that put together. I threw up a few more times in the tub when my mother came out of her room to see what all the noise was. To her shock I was hanging over the side of the tub throwing up a bath of stomach acids and I needed help. The smell of the vomit burned my nose and the taste stung my throat. I literally feel like I am dying. “Mother,” I coughed, “what do I do?” She stood there not sure of what to do. I don’t think she’s seen anything like this before. She bent down to check my temperature and instantly pulled away. I can only assume it was really high because she ran to the other room and called for an ambulance. I don’t recall much of what happened after she made that phone call. All I can remember is waking up in an emergency room with them pumping my stomach or anything inside. I think I fell asleep shortly after waking. When I woke up, my mother was sitting there waiting for me, worried that I wasn’t going to make it. I looked around the room to see I was in a hospital bed hooked back up to one of these damn machines again. I hate hospitals. “Doctor,” A nurse called out, “he’s awake now.” Dr. Sylva, the same doctor from the Tom incident, came into the room. He seemed oddly happy to see me again.
132 “Hey, Doc,” I said, wearily aware of what was going on. “Good to see you again, Rivers,” he said, smiling. “Why am I here?” I forgot what I was in here for. Did I get shot again? “Looking at the report it says you have severe food poisoning.” He seemed concerned while looking at the results page. “You need to be careful what you eat. Paramedics had to pump your stomach on the way here. They said in the report that a couple small chunks of raw chicken came out.” That’s right, I made myself sick. Looks like my plan worked. “Oh shit, I missed my midterms ’cause of that.” This is working out exactly as planned, all I need to do now is get him to sign me a note and I’ll be good to go. “I don’t think they’ll let me retake them, either.” “Midterms are the least of your problems here, Rivers.” He pulled out a notepad and a pen. “You can just give this to your school and they will allow you to take your tests once you’re not sick anymore.” Once he handed me the doctor’s note I felt a little better. Only if I didn’t have to go to such an extreme for this tiny piece of paper. “Thanks so much, Doc. I’m not sure what I’d have done if I wasn’t able to do my midterms. It’s 33 percent of my final grade and I want to stay on top of the class.” “As I said, school is the least of your worries right now. You need to drink a heavy amount of water, avoid dairy, and rest, rest, rest. Understand?” “Sure thing, Doc. Thanks for everything.” I should try and look a little more sick. “Oh, and thank the medics who pumped my stomach for me, will ya?” “Will do, Rivers. I’m sure they’ll appreciate the thanks.” I got out of the bed and put my shoes on. My mother was waiting outside for the doctor to give her the good news but he insisted that I be the one to tell her the news. After I got home I went straight to bed and fell asleep. The next few days I spent throwing up everything I ate and pissing out everything I drank. The only time I felt good was when I was asleep, and even then I don’t like my dreams.
133 I’m running away from something. I don’t know how I got here or where I’m running to. I see two sets of lights behind me, perhaps from a car or two motorcycles. Yes, the lights aren’t moving at the same time in the same direction; it must be two motorcycles, but how can I outrun it? I must be dreaming. I need to turn around and face it. I’m too scared, though. What if this is not a dream? If I turn around now then I’ll be dead. Wait, how do I know I’ll be dead? I don’t even know where I am. I have to risk it. I turned around and saw a mirror with my own reflection in it. I stood there and stared at it for a moment then reached toward it. The reflection didn’t move when I did, which scared me a little. I put my hand closer to it and my reflection reached out and pulled me into the mirror. I jumped awake. Heavily sweating, yet cold as the winter chill, I get out of bed and into the shower. I’m supposed to go back to school today, but I can hardly breathe, let alone think. Yet another minor setback in my plan. Perfect. Once I finished my shower I walked back into my room, opened the window to let some fresh air in and laid the claustrophobic feeling to rest while I slept some more. While sleeping I didn’t dream of anything. It was just another day of black screen and silence. “Time to get out of bed,” my mother said loudly, entering without knocking. Or not. “I’m staying home one more day, Mother.” I groaned. “That’s okay, but you have a guest.” She opened the door all the way, and Samantha walked inside the room. My mother walked away and Sam shut the door behind her. I tried to get up but I couldn’t. She slowly walked over to me, blood dripping down from the side of her head. She leaned over and kissed me. Following her kiss was a stream of crimson blood splashing down on my face. I closed my eyes to hold back the tears. When I opened my eyes I was sitting in the field by her lake house with the rain pouring down on me. I looked down to see Sammy lying there, bleeding from the sides of her head. I cried tears of blood and the rain turned red. Sam opened her eyes and pulled me down to her. I woke up, again.
134 Soaking in sweat and tears, I managed to pull myself out of bed. I felt horrible, but not in a sick manner. I made my way to the shower and took a cold one. Finally, something real. Nothing like feeling the chill of an ice cold shower creeping down my back sending chills up my spine. Why do I keep having the same dreams over and over again and what does it mean? Perhaps I should speak to a “professional” about this like my mother has been saying I should do. They might know a thing or two about these dreams and identify the symbolism behind it all. I’ll have to do that later, though. Right now I need to focus on finishing this year of school and during the summer I’ll be able to take care of the rest. This will be the last summer my project has to wait through before going into full effect. I got out of the shower, dressed, ate a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast and walked to school. I’m feeling the greatest right now but I’m sure I’ll feel better by the time the afternoon hits. I’ve been cooped up in that bedroom all week so I’m probably just feeling sluggish from the lack of fresh air, if anything. Once I get to school I’ll need to go visit my teachers and have them give me the midterm exams before classes start. Then I’ll be able to go to the library in the back room and spend the entire morning doing my exams. I don’t think it’ll take me any longer than the first two periods to complete them, so I shouldn’t be missing much work today. Too bad I’ll have to miss science class, that’s my favourite subject. After explaining the situation to my teachers and showing them the note from the hospital they happily gave me the midterm exam, with the exception of one, Mr. Whilt. Mr. Whilt has had it out for me since the day he saw me; however, it’s not just me. He’s racist and sexist toward any and all Caucasian males. Most people don’t notice it, but anyone who is mistreated by this teacher is a white male. Anyone who likes him as a teacher, you’ll notice is either female or non-Caucasian male. “And why should I make this exception for you, Mr. Rivers?” he asked with a rude tone of voice. If you don’t, I’ll kill you? “Because I followed proper procedure, and it’s noted in the district school board’s exceptions policy.” I don’t know if it really is written in the policy or if that
135 policy even exists, but what I do know is he’s not one to second guess someone who seems to know what they are talking about. I can sit here and lie to his face all day and he’ll believe every word I say. “If you don’t think so, perhaps we should go speak to the principal about this and let her settle this?” “I’ll let you take the test, but only this once.” He says that he's doing me a favour. What is with this guy? I grabbed the exam papers and headed off to the library. The only way this morning could get any more annoying is if I ran into Collin or one of his buddies. “Rivers,” Collin said, turning the corner. Fuck. “What are you doing here so early?” he asked. “I also noticed you missed midterms. You always were a slacker.” Why did I have to jinx it? “Hello, Collin, and yeah, I was sick for the week.” “I doubt that, but have you seen Luca anywhere today?” He’s looking for Luca. Does this mean no one has even reported him missing for all these days? “No, I haven’t. Are you supposed to meet up with him or something? “It’s none of your business. If you see him, just let him know I’m looking for him.” He walked away without another word. I can’t believe nobody has even filed a missing person's report for Luca. It’s going to be another Matt Holkman case all over again. I just have to wait and see if they turn up a body at all. If they do happen to find a body I’ll just have to plant a few strands of hair or a piece of cloth ripped off of one of the others. I can sneak into the crime scene at night and plant it a couple inches below where they’ll find Luca. I don’t even think I’ll have to plant any evidence at the scene, regardless. I left no trace leading back to me so they’ll never even be able to find out who did it. My science, English, and math exams were completed and ready to be handed in before the second half of the second period. It seems I did them too quickly, which makes me think they were either too easy or I missed something. I double-checked all the pages to make sure I didn’t miss anything, and it would seem I didn’t. I guess I should
136 hand them in now, but there’s still thirty minutes before I, technically, have to. There was a heavy knock on the door to the room. I looked behind me to see if anyone was here to answer it and saw that I was alone in here. I wonder who it could be. “Who is it?” I asked. It was silent for a minute; then an officer opened the door. “Are you Rivers?” Oh great, another officer. “Yeah, that’s me.” Why must they always bother me? “I need you to come with me, please,” he asked sternly. Oh shit, did they find Luca and somehow trace it back to me? “Why?” I probably should be questioning an officer of law, but I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences with just going with the flow. “I can’t give you details regarding that until we’re back at the office. Sorry.” “Okay, but I need to hand these exams in to my teachers before we go.” “I’m sure the librarian can do that for you, sir.” “No, it has to be done personally. It will only take a minute.” He looked worried about something. “Fine, I’ll be right behind you the whole way.” I walked toward my science class and stopped. I don’t want the students in my classes thinking that I’m being escorted by an officer, that’ll bring up questions and spread rumours. “Hey, can you like, stay here while I hand this to my teacher?” I asked awkwardly. “Uh, sure.” He seemed confused. “Thanks,” I pat him on the side of the arm and walk into the classroom. Everyone in the class was looking at me weirdly as I walked in but I ignored them and continued my way to the front desk and handed my exam to Ms. Donono. She looked shocked to see it, so I just left it on her desk in front of her. When I turned around, I saw the officer standing at the door, halfway inside the classroom. I looked back at my teacher, completely embarrassed. “Not what it looks like.” I would love to explain to her the situation but I’m not even sure what it is right now. I can’t believe
137 this officer would embarrass me like this. I’m sure the local gossip will spread through the school before lunchtime is over. Rushing to my other two classes I got the feeling that this officer thought I was trying to evade him. I could practically see the suspicion radiating out of him. I hope he’s not planning to tackle me or anything like that. “That’s the last one,” I said. “Lead the way, Officer.” He pulled out his handcuffs and told me to turn around. There is no way I’m leaving this school in cuffs. “I don’t think so, mate.” I was not about to let him do this to me, especially after that recent embarrassment in my classes. “If you want me to come quietly and calmly you’ll put those away. I am not running anywhere nor have any intentions to.” He looked at me for a moment with a very indecisive glare and after he realised what the easier route would be he put his handcuffs away and led me to his car. He started the car and pulled out of the school. “Don’t you dare turn those sirens on,” I said. He chuckled and radioed that he was coming back. A woman radioed back saying, “Roger.” Her voice was very familiar. It almost sounded like Valory.
138 Snuff It Twice Her silky auburn hair, smooth and shining like the day it was when she died. The adorable freckle patch on her cheeks, blending in beautifully with her skin, altogether making her ocean blue eyes stand out the most. With only very minor details missing, I failed to see past the illusion that this was not her. This was just a mere doppelganger, just a look-alike. Stuttering and slurred, I managed to force out the word, “Sam.” The girl who I thought was Sam at first walked over and punched me in the jaw. I hit the desk next to me, hard, and that’s when Valory came out. “What the fuck are you doing, Sara?!” she yelled, pushing her back to a wall. “I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch!” Sara seems pissed at something. “You killed my sister, you motherfucker.” She has quite a mouth on her. “I assume your sister was Sammy, yeah?” I really don’t like how she had to punch me in the face. That really hurt. “You don’t deserve to call her that!” She tried to push through Valory and now the officer. I wonder what I did to piss her off so badly. Perhaps it’s because I killed most of her family and was the last person to see Sammy alive. That hardly seems like a reason to punch me in the face, though. “Sit down, over there!” Valory demanded. “Don’t fucking move.” The officer directed her toward a chair on the other side of the room from where Valory and I were. Valory took a breath in to calm down and escorted me to her office in the back of the station. “I’m so sorry about that, Lex,” She apologised, handing me a ziplock bag of ice cubes. “I hope she didn’t hurt you too bad there.” “Nah, I’ll be fine,” I lied. “But what’s the deal with taking me out of school and trying to cuff me in the middle of class?” “What?” She seemed genuinely confused. “You were cuffed?” “Hell no, I’m not letting someone cuff me in front of my peers. I told him if he wanted me to go quietly that he’d better let me walk to the car unchained.” “Oh my god, I am so sorry. He probably didn’t get the memo on it being a pickup, not arrest. Please forgive him for that.” “Yeah, no harm done, but what am I here for, anyways?”
139 “Sara, as you met, is Samantha’s sister.” “I can see the resemblance, but that right hook is the only thing that confuses me.” “She was led to believe it to be your fault her sister died. I tried to explain the report to her but she wouldn’t believe me. She wants to hear it from you. Think you can do that? “No,” I bluntly replied. I really don’t want to go for a trip down memory lane to relive what happened that night. I don’t care who she is, if she doesn’t believe what the police told her that that’s her own damn problem. “Why not?” she asked furiously. “You’re not willing to help out a girl who just lost her closest family members with you being the cause of most of their deaths and also the only witness to what really happened?” “Yes.” “What could possibly be going through your head to make you not want to help her?” Maybe because she punched me in the face, that might do it. “I just don’t want to have to go back to that moment. When I think of it, it’s like I’m reliving it.” “Lex.” She paused. “I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t think of that before bringing you here. I’m sorry.” This isn’t over yet. Sara doesn’t seem like the type to take no for an answer. Maybe I should talk to her and explain what happened. “I’ll go talk to Sara and let her know.” Valory got up and headed for the door. Shit, now I feel bad for the poor girl. “Wait. I’ll talk to her.” “Thank you, Rivers, this means a lot—” “One condition,” I interrupted. “What’s that?” “Next time you want to hang out with me, come get me yourself, eh?” “Will do,” she laughed. We left the office and walked into the main room where Sara and the officer were. Sara went to get up but the officer sat her back down. “Okay Sara, we’ve—” I put my hand on Valory’s shoulder and nodded to her, indicating that I’ll take it over from here. “Very well.
140 Officer Gray, let’s give them some privacy.” Valory and Gray left the room and went to her office. I walked over to Sara, pulled on the way by and sat in front of her. I didn’t speak right away; I was too dumbfounded by how much of a resemblance she has toward her sister. It was almost as if she were sitting in front of me once again. “Are you going to talk or just sit there eye-fucking me?” she asked arrogantly. “Sara, you want to know the whole story of what happened. Is that right?” I kept calm even though she was incredibly rude. “We’ll need to talk out of this place. I’m not a fan of police stations lately.” “Where do you want to go then?” “How about we get some tea from across the street and head to the river.” “Fine, let’s go but know I still don’t like you. I’m only here for information then I’m leaving.” “That’s quite alright, I understand.” “No, you don’t.” I called out to Valory to inform her that we were leaving then left out the front door. We walked across the street to get some tea; however, she got coffee instead. I guess she’s not much of a tea drinker. It’s most likely lunchtime right now for the students. If I pace my steps we will make it to the river park just as Collin and the others are leaving back to the school. “What are you always looking so worried about?” she asked, seemingly annoyed. “I’m not.” What is she talking about? “You totally are. Every time I look over you're either looking around for something or you’re looking behind you to see if anyone’s there. It’s freaking me out.” “Oh, sorry I guess that’s just a habit of nature.” I never noticed how often I’d be searching my surroundings. I guess I can see how it would freak her out, especially right now. We got to the river and walked about halfway through the park when she got tired of waiting “Well?” “I killed your uncle Tom, your cousin Tommy, and your father, Aldo.”
141 She stopped, completely shocked that I just said that to her face all of the sudden. I pointed to a bench next to her and she sat down, still in shock. “It was self-defence, in all situations.” I don’t think that will help with anything, though. She was silent for a few seconds and asked, “What about Sam?” “Your father killed her.” “How?” I know she asked, but I can tell she doesn’t want to know. She got herself in this situation, though, “He shot her in the head in front of me. Your mother was watching too.” Great, now she’s crying. Just what I need on a fine day like this, some girl I just met crying. “Thank you.” She cried as she fell into my arms. I’m not sure why, but when I felt her face touch my chest, I wrapped my arms around her for comfort. I’m so confused right now I’m not even sure what to say. I feel as equally comfortable as I do uncomfortable sitting here with her. It almost feels like I’m cheating on Sammy, but at the same time it feels like she’s here with me. I don’t like this feeling. I waited a few minutes before asking her, awkwardly, if she was going to be okay. I pray the answer is yes and she can go home now. “Here’s my number if there’s ever anything you want to talk about,” I said, programming my phone number into her phone. “I’m available all the time.” Why the hell did I just do that?! I’m trying to get rid of her, yet here I am giving her my number. “Thank you,” she said with sincerity, “and I’m sorry for punching you in the face. I can see what Sammy saw in you. I’m sorry I couldn’t see that before.” She leaned over, kissed me on the lips, smiled at me with her face turning red from blushing, and walked away. Well then, that was awkward. I’m not quite sure what I should do now. Maybe I’ll just head back to school and catch the third and fourth period. Goddamnit! I can’t stop thinking about Sara now. This is going to distract me all day. I won’t get any work done at this rate. I walked back to the school and had this crazy suspicion that someone was
142 following me, but I didn’t see anyone. Either I’m becoming paranoid or someone really is following me and doing a damn good job of it. Once I got back into the school, I walked to the office because I was now late for class and needed a late slip. The vice principal, Mr. Proxer, was already standing there waiting for me at the front of the office with a late slip in his hand. I walked up to him and he handed me the note, no questions asked, then proceeded back to his office. I guess he already knows what happened. The students in the hallway and in my classes kept their distance. Everyone would always move close to lockers if they saw me passing by in the halls. Their movements were subtle, yet noticeably quick. If they were in my classes they’d move their desks away from mine as best they could without me knowing, but I always know. I couldn’t wait to get home after the final period. I hurried out of the school before anyone else could get in my way or have the chance to talk to me. I think I heard Tasha try catching up to me in the halls after class but it was too late, I had already left the school. These police and detectives are ruining everything for me. I can’t believe that a minor miscommunication led to me almost being arrested at school. Just another reason I don’t like the way police operate.
143 Forever Alone? It’s been weeks since Sara and I got acquainted. Just the very thought of her makes me sick to the point where I actually missed a day of school because of it. I need to find some way to get her out of my mind and out of my life, for good. “Goddamnit!” I can’t stop. What is wrong with me?! “Get the fuck out of my head you stupid, stupid girl!” Shouting at myself won’t help me at all. I need to do something to occupy my thoughts. “That’s it!” I had a brilliant idea. The one thing that can keep me busy long enough to find a way to get her off my mind. I can plan another killing. This time against a random asshole from the school. It has to be someone who causes trouble all the time and no one will notice or miss when he’s gone. But whom… I got out my journal and searched through the pages of all the people who I had profiled and got the top three who I think are the best deserving of death. Of the three, I chose Kevin Dowel. Kevin Dowel, age seventeen. Hobbies include buying, selling, and using marijuana and ecstasy. He has been chosen to best fit the position because just two months ago he pushed a student into traffic in front of the school because the kid was, I quote, “fat and retarded.” Kevin has done nothing with his life up to now and it doesn’t look like he has any intentions of doing anything in the future. He abuses his girlfriend, which is a wonder why he has one to begin with, and he also skips more classes than I could be bothered to count. Honestly, this world is better off without a person like him. I think I’ll pay him a visit during the week to get his new routine recorded. I’ll have to take him out on Thursday since I can never seem to get a pattern of events for his weekends. Wednesday night has arrived, and I have a great feeling about tonight. I’ve been planning how I’m going to kill Kevin and where I plan to do it. I’ve set up a drug deal with him at the farthest right corner of the Navy Yard Park for two thirty. There are no lights by that corner of the park, for some reason, so sneaking up on him won’t even be a challenge. Knowing this park like the back of my hand, I’ll be able to take him out relatively quickly. Once he’s knocked out, I’ll take him
144 to the bathrooms, which are locked at night, where I’ve set up the public showers as a sort of “kill room.” “Wake up, Dowle,” I said in his ear subtly, “I’d like to tell you a few things before we part ways, so open your eyes.” I slapped him in the face and kicked him in the ribs. He groaned in pain as he regained consciousness. I tied his hands behind his back prior to waking him. I also tied his feet so he couldn’t struggle. Once those were tied together I didn’t want to risk his breaking free so I went the extra mile and tied his arms and knees together, tightly. There’s no way he’ll be able to break through the knots like this. “I’m going to remove this gag from your mouth now. If you shout, I will stab you. Do you understand, Mr. Dowle?” I hope he tries to shout. He nodded his head in acknowledgment to my request, so I removed the gag, “fuck you!” I was so happy to hear him shout that at me. I put the gag back over his mouth and stabbed him in the thigh with my knife. “I guess you won’t be talking for the remainder of our little visit then.” It’s better if he doesn’t speak, anyways. I reached over and placed my knife next to him, approximately three feet away from his body. He couldn’t help but stare at it as if he’d be able to get free and fight back. I smiled at that thought and moved it slightly closer to him just to taunt him. I grabbed him by his cheeks with one hand and leaned in, really close to him so he could see how serious my eyes were when I talked to him. “You’ve done far too many ill-hearted things to too many people, Mr. Dowle. Tonight is the night everyone will get their revenge on you. Tonight you, sir, will die.” His eyes opened wide with fear. I explained to him how he hurts people with his constant bullying. He started to cry when I mentioned all his wrongs. I didn’t stop there, though. “You abuse your girlfriend, who is very beautiful and doesn’t deserve such treatment. Take it from me, Mr. Dowle, you wouldn’t want to see someone take her away from you.” I paused for a moment and thought about when Samantha was shot. “Also, you tried to kill a student by pushing him into moving traffic because he was overweight
145 and apparently retarded. What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I picked up the knife and brought it to his throat. I pushed to where I could hear his breathing starting to get heavier. I slit his throat, not enough to kill him, but enough to make him bleed. “Mr. Dowle, since you’ve already lost your talking privileges, I’m afraid you don’t get to have any last words. I will have you know that no one will miss you and no one will look for you. Where you’re going, no one can help you.” I put the knife back to his throat. “Goodbye, Mr. Dowle.” With one quick motion, I slit his throat wide open. The blood poured out like a faucet as he tried to breathe. After a few seconds he stopped moving and his body went limp. With his final sight being me as I slit his throat, I felt a sort of joy. I even cracked a smile. The cleanup was no problem at all. I positioned the body in the room right above a drain so I could just flush his blood down with the water. In the far corner of the room, I had large industrial garbage bags, two cinder blocks, and a bottle of bleach. I packed his body into the bag by breaking his bones to take up less space. The sound of the crunching and the force and effort I had to use in order to compact his body seemed almost not worth it. I need to find a better way of doing this in the future. Finally, I got his body to the river. With some rope I tied the second brick to the bag and dropped it in the water. The first brick inside the bag is to make sure he sinks and the second brick is just an extra precaution in case he still manages to float, somehow. Also the rope will make sure his body stays down there for a long time. Back to the shower room, I had all the showers shooting hot water onto the bloodied area. I turned off the facets and poured the bleach all over the ground and on some parts of the walls where blood might have got to. After that I turned the water back on to wash away the bleach. No one will suspect that anything happened here as the smell of bleach could have been from the park's clean-up crew when they clean these bathrooms every couple weeks. As well, there are no cameras surveying this area. It’s a pretty well thought out spot to do my killings. I hope I get the chance to use spots like this elsewhere. Now that the cleanup is done, I had to look for a large garbage bin to dump the bleach bottle in. The back of the ice cream store had a dumpster behind it so that’ll definitely be a good place to dump it.
146 “Fucking fuck!” I accidently shut the dumpster lid on my figure. I sat down on a small bricked wall behind the store and couldn’t help but think of Samantha. I know it was a short relationship, but I can’t help but think of why she hadn’t ever talked to me about her sister. Damnit, now I’m thinking about Sara again. “What am I going to do about her?” I sighed. Forget her. She doesn’t even mean anything to you. She is only a curiosity, which is why you’re obsessing over her. Son of a bitch, I’m right. She is only a curiosity because I didn’t know of her until recently. I’m just confused because I thought I knew everything there was to know about Samantha. When I think of it, we never did speak about her family, only mine. Maybe if I talk to her once more and just figure out why Samantha didn’t speak of her then maybe I can get past this annoying dilemma. I pulled out my phone and opened up Sara’s number. I sent her a text message asking her to call me at her earliest convenience. Within minutes after I started walking home she had called me. “Hello?” I said as if not knowing she was the one calling. I can’t believe she called me so soon. I’m not ready for this conversation yet. “Hello?” Again, but it was quiet on her line. I checked the call display to make sure it was her that was calling; then she hung up. That was odd. I wonder why she didn’t say anything. I guess I should call her back. I heard a ringing coming from a bush behind a small white dividing fence. I slowly approached the fence and pounced over it. I landed square on Sara’s back, turned her over, and drew my knife to her throat. I don’t know why, but I just stopped after that. What am I going to do? She has to know by now. I can’t tell how long she’d been there for, but just by being in this park she must have seen plenty to know what happened. “Please don’t.” She begged, “I didn’t—” “Don’t lie!” I can’t believe she would try to lie to me like that. “I know what you saw.” “I can understand why you do it, though. After Sammy was killed, I felt the same way.” “You know nothing of me!” I pushed the knife harder on her throat. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t just kill you right now.” I really hope she has a damn good reason. I can’t think of one that would have me spare her life but she pulled me down and kissed my
147 lips. The tears that were running down her face from the feat I put her in stopped flowing and my heart started to race. I closed my eyes and followed through with the kiss. I just can’t understand what I’m feeling right now. I don’t even like her. Why the hell am I kissing her?! I have to end this right now. This isn’t right. It feels right, though. It feels like . . . Samantha. That night I did not return home. Instead I went to Sara’s apartment where we spent the night after we made love. The morning’s light shone through her drapes and onto her face leaving mine in the shadows. It made me feel like this was the only way I would be happy. Me being the shadows from those I love. Perhaps I’ve made a dire mistake by accepting this. Sara opened her eyes slowly to see the shadows of my face looking back at her. She put her hand on my cheek and directed my face into the light. With that she leaned in and kissed me gently. This kiss is a constant reminder that Samantha is dead and I can’t do anything to stop myself. “I know it must hurt to think of her everytime we kiss,” she whispered. “One day that will all go away, all you have to do is move on from it. I will still be here when that day comes.” “How do you know that I feel these things?” Can she read minds too or does she honestly understand me? “I just know how you feel. I just can’t explain it to be honest.” I think I can make this work. I had no words to say so I just leaned in and kissed her. After a minute or two of kissing she reached under the blankets and grabbed my cock. Not even seconds later we were at it like the other night. She rolled on top of me and started grinding with me inside of her. Her nails scratching down my chest made a perfect combination of pleasure and pain. She leaned down and bit my neck, leaving a nice red mark that will most likely last all day. I rolled her over onto her back without exiting the position and brushed my lips and tongue down her neck to her chest. Suckling at her chest and pushing between her legs I could feel her squeezing together. She has hit her climax. Everything became warmer inside of her. She whispered my name begging for me to come inside of her. With a few more moments of
148 thrusting harder and harder, I finally came. The feeling I had was not normal. I could almost feel as though I could even have a future with her. The same feelings I had with Sam. Only, this one wasn’t as strong. We lay there for another half hour before she decided it was time for us to get something to eat. I sometimes forget people eat more than one meal a day. I normally don’t eat until the evenings but I will force down whatever she dishes out. I’m sure she won’t have too much food to share as she lives alone. She cooked a small breakfast for herself and a larger one for me, thinking I must eat a lot or something. It wasn’t anything big, just two eggs and a toasted bagel with raspberry jam on it. She seemed to be blushing as she waited for me to eat. I think she might want my approval of her food. “Thank you for the food. It is good,” I said awkwardly. “You really like it?” she asked, embarrassed. “I don’t cook very often.” “It’s good, yes. I don’t eat very often.” “Oh, I’m sorry.” “No need to apologise, it’s only courteous to cook a guest a meal on the designated hours. Just so you know, I normally only eat in the evenings.” She shyly ate her eggs and a single piece of toasted bread. This breakfast time is very quiet. I guess I should ask this question before it gets brought up later at a worse time. “So how come you’re comfortable with me killing people?” I guess ripping the Band-Aid off quickly is easier than doing it slowly. She wasn’t expecting that to come out so bluntly and choked a little over her food. “Umm, I’m not sure. I just am.” That doesn’t seem like a reasonable excuse. People aren’t just okay with something like that without having some sort of reasoning behind it. “For what reason are you ‘okay’ with it?” “You lost someone dear to you and you avenged that person’s death. After that you must have felt the need to keep going, in that person’s name, as if to honour them in some way.” “Wrong.” I guess she doesn’t fully understand it. It looks like I’m going to have to explain this to her.
149 “You don’t mind just coming out and saying something, do you?” She laughed. “I don’t see a point in wasting time and effort just to have it mean the same thing but in more words.” “Then please tell me your story.” We sat at the table for about twenty minutes while I explained everything to her as best I could while leaving out small, yet important, details. I can’t tell her everything right now. I can’t trust her that much, yet. “So how many people have you killed so far?” “Well, as far as I can tell you right now, only four.” “Aww, come one. I know it’s more than that. Tell me!” “Maybe someday I’ll be able to tell you.” “It’s okay, I understand. You can’t just lay all your trust onto one person right off the bat like this. I get it.” She smiled. That smile just then made me feel a hell of a lot more comfortable about this whole situation. She grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me into the bathroom so we could shower together. After slowly stripping herself to her bra and panties, she started undressing me. Kissing my body and feeling everywhere she pulled me into the shower after it got warm enough. She didn’t go for the bar of soap or the shampoo; instead, she just went down and started sucking on my cock. She’s a really horny girl to want sex this much in one morning. Pushing her hard against the shower walls, she moaned and begged for me. Her nails dug into me again, only this time cutting through the skin on my back. I could feel the skin slightly tearing open in certain areas, which only made me push into her even harder. With our tongues tied in each other’s mouths and hands groping bodies we only excited each other more and more to the point of climax. Going into the shower seemed almost irrelevant since we were dirtier than we were clean until after we were done at which point we washed each other clean. Once we got out of the shower and back into the bedroom, I looked at her clock on the dresser. It read 11:30 a.m. I’ve missed half the day of school already. I’m not even in town right now so there’s
150 really no point in me going for the other half. By the time I get there, it’ll already be the end of the day. “What’s wrong, Lex?” she asked, wrapping her arms around me from behind while wearing only her underwear. “Nothing, I just missed school.” I wasn’t as upset about that as I normally would be. “Do you like going to school or something?” “Yes, I’m a nerd.” “You?” She laughed. “A nerd?” I wonder why she isn’t in school. “Is that hard to believe?” “Yes, it is.” She continued to giggle at the fact. “Do you not go to school?” “No, I haven’t gone to school since Sammy died.” Her laughter abruptly stopped. I didn’t know if I should say anything so I just turned around and hugged her instead. That seems to have worked. She stared right into my eyes and said, “Take me with you on your next kill.” “Wow.” I’m out of work here. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. “Umm, no.” She looked angry, still cute though. “Take me with you!” I can see she isn’t going to give up. I need to think of something to make her not want to come. “Why do you want to come?” “I want to know what it feels like to do something meaningful for once.” “Meaningful?” I don’t think she knows what she’s saying. “There’s nothing meaningful about what I do. I kill these people because I want to.” “Yes, but in your head you’ve justified it to be right over wrong. You said, yourself, that you’re punishing those who have caused pain to others through the means of bullying, right?” “Yeah, but you don’t fit into that type of scenario.” That came out wrong. “I don’t fit in?” Shit, she’s pissed now. “What do you mean I don’t fit in?!” Yep, I’m fucked. “My fucking sister was murdered by terrible people and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I have more of a reason than anyone else to want people dead!”
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