Issue 013 Ksh. 200 May-August 2019 The Power of Love Maria Omare Raising an Autistic Child to Thrive Changing perceptions Is Love a Choice or Feeling? on Disability Love stories from around the world Crystal Asige The VIP Ambassador KigReaubmene On life, losing a loved one and finding love again!
Editorial || Celebrate Love Everyday Love is powerful force. It is a universal language Finding love for many people with disabilities and the only common language that the world often means overcoming society’s judgments speaks, understands and relates to regardless of about what makes a person attractive and worthy gender, age, economic, social or physical barriers. of love. Read about the epic story of a couple from Each one of us knows or has at least heard of love Lesotho, who will renew your faith in people and that has overcome odds; from friendships that love. have lasted a lifetime, to arranged marriages that have worked, to couples who have managed to Be inspired by two young women who are making overcome the hurdles of long-distance relationship bold moves; Maria Omare, who is transforming and those who have fought barriers of age and the lives of children and youth with disabilities culture to make it work, the list is endless! No and changing perceptions of people towards doubt love makes the world go round. disability, and Crystal Asige, an ambassador Regardless of one’s relationship status or negative for visually impaired people, who is helping experience with love or cynicism, at the end of governments and non-governmental organizations day we all want to experience love- to be loved make policies that are related to disabilities, more and to love back. It is for this reason that we have practical. chosen to celebrate love and relationships in this issue. Don’t for a moment think you shouldn’t be While at it, learn about a mother’s love is selfless celebrating love if you are not in a relationship. through the lenses of a woman who tells of her Love can be celebrated in various forms; love journey raising an autistic child to thrive. for oneself, love for family and friends and even Also find great nutritional tips, health and love for experiences. If you are deliberate, you wellbeing advice to help you nurture and spread can create opportunities to generously express love to your family. For these and more, turn the love everyday to people and experiences that are pages and learn the simple and sweet ways to important to you. celebrate love. To kick us off this month Reuben Kigame; a Esther household name in Africa, graces this month’s cover. He narrates his story of losing his wife in a tragic road accident and finding a second chance in love. 1 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Content Content 26 25 21 22 8 18 16 THE TEAM Publisher Mercy Gichunge Editor Esther Kiragu Designer Shadrack Nicholas Photography Duncan Otuoma Writers Wambere M. Migwi, Kerry Milly, Grace Wanjiku Matu, Julius R. Mwaura, Kendi Gikunda, Muthii wa Wachira Contributors Clara Kamau, Elsa Koi, Erick Mutei, Millicent Wambui Kithinji All rights are reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part of any articles without written permission is prohibited. The Editor welcomes contributions which, if accepted will be paid for at our normal rates and all rights, unless initially specified otherwise remain with the publisher. Other materials accompanied by a stamped envelope will be returned if rejected. Unsolicited materials will not be acknowledged. 2 |MAY-AUGUST 2019
News || PWDs advised to register business Persons with disabilities in Samburu County have been advised to register their businesses directly with government agencies in order to access tenders. Public urged to embrace PWDs Speaking during an awareness campaign, Samburu County head of supply chain management, Mr Geoffrey The Chief Justice of Kenya, David did their parents choose to have them Kitewan said that conmen had been issuing fake company Maraga recently urged the public to this way, so we must empathize with registration certificates to women, youth and people embrace persons with disabilities. them,” the CJ said. living with disabilities and telling them they will secure Speaking when officials of the Down The Chief Justice cited examples where government tenders instantly. Syndrome Association of Kenya, who people take advantage of people with “The law requires that 30 per cent of government tenders were accompanied by children and disabilities and exploit them due to be reserved for women, youths and people living with persons with Downs Syndrome, paid him their weaknesses. He said there is need disabilities, but many don’t understand the process a courtesy call to sensitize the justice for the law to protect vulnerable people and conmen take advantage of this,” he said during the system on mental disabilities with regard against those who may want to take campaign. to access to justice by persons with advantage of them. Ketiwan said that the cons have been mobilising PLWD mental disabilities, the CJ said there is Justice Maraga promised that the into groups across the county and issuing fake registration need for the public to give support and Judiciary Rules Committee will develop certificates for a fee after assuring them they will treat the children with love because rules that address the needs of the automatically get government tenders. He advised the they did not choose to be born with affected persons. The CJ added that he groups to register their companies at Huduma centres. disabilities. will also table the matter in the Judiciary Jenerita Akeru, a visually impaired resident of Maralal town, “I urge the public to treat them with Leadership Advisory Committee (JLAC) welcomed the awareness seminar, saying most people were love and kindness, these children did not which he chairs, for consideration. unaware of the 30 per cent tender allocation. Residents choose to be born like this and neither were trained on how to access government procurement opportunities as well as how to present tender bids. Employment Inclusion Project Launched The Innovating Pathways for of Labour and Social Protection, Employment Inclusion (IPEI) Project reaffirmed government’s support was on 24th October 2018 launched to the project. However, he posed a at Panafric Sarova Hotel. The project challenge to government ministries is a consortium-led 44-month to lead from the front in terms of programme (including an 8-month inclusivity in employment and place co-creation period) focused on Kenya more sign language interpreters and Bangladesh that aims to address alongside redesigning the buildings to barriers to employment for persons with accommodate Persons with Disabilities. disabilities within the private sector. Moreover, he stated that the Disability The consortium is composed of six Bill was at an advanced stage and it member organisations and other has captured majority of the legislative collaborating agencies and will be issues posing as challenges to Persons implemented by a consortium of with Disability. Moving forward, Mr partners led by Leonard Cheshire, Marwa proposed that stakeholders which includes: Action for the Disabled redefine their approaches towards Network Kenya (ADNK), Bangladesh tackling issues and focus on solutions Business and Disability Network, CBM, rather than the challenges. London School of Hygiene and Tropical It was agreed that effective sensitization Medicine, Plan International- Kenya, was necessary to remove the barriers International Labour Organisation to employment of Persons with (ILO). Disabilities. Organizations in the The Permanent Secretary State private sector were also challenged to department of Social Protection, take necessary measures to enhance Mr. Nelson Marwa, on behalf of inclusivity and diversity. Organizations the Cabinet Secretary for Ministry with diverse workforce have improved innovation and increased employee morale. 3 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Cover Story Reuben Kigame On life, losing a loved one and finding love again! By Kendi Gikunda I met Reuben Kigame at people from ambience and proximity.” which we nurtured within a year. I never African International Being the month of love I begin thought we would end up together University, where he is the interview by delving a little into because she was a friend and was also pursuing his PHD, on a Kigame’s love life. in my music team. Being Mercy’s friend Friday afternoon. Mr Kigame, Are you married? she would check up on my family on is the musician behind the I am re-married and I have four several occasions and my children were popular hit, Enda Nasi; a song that children; three girls with my late wife very fond of her. Slowly a relationship is somber and calming all in one Mercy and the last born a boy with my blossomed. breathe. The song seems to relate wife Julie. Mercy passed away after a What was the general feel to all occasions and you are lkely tragic road accident on 5th December, and talk of the people around to hear it at a funeral, before the 2006. It is the most traumatic event of you about dating your late beginning of a journey or even my life. I have learned how to live with wife’s best friend and so soon when wishing candidates success in the loss but I cannot say I have healed after she had died? their examinations. For me though, because you never heal from the loss of I was still grieving at the time. I really one of the songs I remember so a loved one. My wife and children have didn’t know whether someone would nostalgically is Sweet Bunyore; been my source of strength. handle me at my worst because I was where Kigame asks his childhood How soon after did you not at a good place. I am a religious village to be kind to him should he remarry? man and I asked God questions like: Is ever go back. After one year or thereabout, and this your doing God? Can I really fall As I settle down he offers to serve that’s because Julie was a very close in love again? Is this the right time? Is me some refreshment. You would friend of Mercy’s. I already knew her this the right person for my children? expect me to be a little nuanced so there wasn’t such a steep learning My youngest daughter at that time was but I ask him the most obvious curve, except for the romantic side only two years old. I needed so much question. “Can you see anything?” support at that time. I was older and I ask. His response, “I can only see a more settled so it took longer to commit little bit of light. I judge objects and because my priorities were already set. 4 |MAY-AUGUST 2019
Cover Story || It was easier with Julie because we were already familiar. Didn’t you think that people would accuse you of having an affair prior to your first wife’s death? I thought about it but I was a little older and my conscious was clear. See Kendi, you don’t need to be married to have an affair. If I wanted to have one nothing would have stopped me, but I have principles and I also thought about the second party in this case; my wife Julie. Not thinking about how your actions affect your partner is selfish. If I date someone I want to date them openly I don’t want to have a secret relationship. So to answer your question no it didn’t bother me. Even if it had taken me two or three years to remarry people would still talk. The price of an affair is too high if you think about it. How did your children take their mother’s loss? They can answer for themselves you know (chuckles). It was hard for them that I am certain; I cannot get into details because that’s really their narrative to tell but it wasn’t easy. The younger one was none the wiser and it is just now occurring to her that her mother died when she was just a toddler. She was two years then. How was the relationship with I cook too and do a lot of other things. What makes you tick? your late wife? I am in my normal. Normal is what you I love radio so much. I worked with Mercy Wanderwa was my college make it. You know people can make you Citizen, Family and Hope Media sweetheart, we met at Kenyatta feel as if you are useless for no reason. as they were starting out and then I University. We matured together, had a You have to be comfortable with yourself started my own station Fish FM but great friendship t hat blossomed to love. and accept who you are. If people don’t it is currently off the air. I also ran for So in sync were we that if something like something about you, that’s their office in 2013 but I lost. Out of six was going on with me she would almost problem not yours. You can always candidates I was a measly position four. point it out without me telling her about become a better version of you but that I was only interested in the first term it. We were able to sit in comfortable doesn’t mean you go get “Beyoncé hair” because I thought there was a chance to silence without looking for words to fill but if that works for you by all means go start well and institute structures that up any silent spaces. I do miss her. ahead just be comfortable with yourself. work. Recently I told media personality How difficult was it for your Jeff Koinange that I would like to be Were there any obstacles in current wife to transition to president for a short term in office, just your relationship with Mercy your family? to fix the systems and help implement especially with you being She wasn’t married before but it wasn’t homemade solutions. I don’t really want visually impaired? very difficult as she was familiar with us. to get into politics but it is just very She was Kikuyu and I am Luhya but We can call her and ask (laughing.) frustrating when systems don’t work in that wasn’t a problem for us. However, I notice that Mr Kigame has a very calm this country. many people kept asking her if she was aura about him even as we ease into the Is your music still profitable sure about me because I am visually chat. with you juggling all these? impaired. She always answered, “This Tell me about your academic life? Music plays a very small part in my life. is the man I want”. I also had build a Currently I am taking my PHd. I have I am very appreciative of how impactful name already through music but Mercy three more years to complete it because it has been over the years. Music goes liked me for me. People always pity I am doing it in modules and hopefully before you and that is the case for me. the women in my life in that they have should be done by 2021. My first degree However, it doesn’t describe me, It is to live with a person who is visually is a Bachelor in education specializing just a part of me but not my entirety. impaired. Out there some people think I in history, philosophy and religion. I For example here in school, I wake up at can’t pick a glass from the table. Society am just completing another one in 5:30am, exercise a little as it keeps me looks at me at me with eyes of pity like Apologetics. This will be my fourth alert, take a shower, do my devotion and I am helpless. You can almost see it, degree now. read a little before taking my breakfast feel it I mean. I am a blind man but not as I catch up on the news. I then go to helpless,” he says emphatically. class. I work till around 1:00 am then Apart from music what else sleep. In Eldoret I work from my home do you do? When I sing people think that it’s the only thing I can do. I play the guitar or the piano and many people are surprised to see me doing it but all I did was learn. Even with my visual impairment I was not going to be begging for bread, I knew early on I had to work hard and not expect handouts. 5 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
What keeps you so grounded even with all your achievements/accolades such that you remain humble? I don’t really know. I could say if you are a people person then you must respect people for whom they are. Life is about service, it doesn’t matter what you do or whom you are, I will respect you. I think I derive my humility from my respect for people and fear of the Lord. Taking the time to relate with people really helps. The environment at African International University is very chill and serene is that why you choose it for your PHD? I wouldn’t say that was the reason but I love nature; I take long walks and take in the fresh air. I generally enjoy things for what they are. For Instance, I can Uber to Java and take my favorite cup of coffee; a freshly brewed cappuccino and relish in the moment. Part of the enjoyment is from the aroma, it just lingers around and I will drink it all in. If I touch a leaf I will savor the feeling, chirping of birds and the breeze on my face. Would you say being blind makes you feel things more deeply. In a sense yes and no. It is just who I am, I enjoy things people don’t necessarily enjoy. For instance I love the smell of decomposed manure in the Shamba. I love the smell of the first rain drops on dry ground, that earthy scent. I have a nostalgic attachment to nature. I could sit for hours and savor it. Even if I had sight I believe I would immensely enjoy the outdoors, except maybe I would be more adventurous like mountain climbing, hiking and other dangerous outdoor activities. The glow and flow of things gives me joy. Your phone has been beeping nonstop since we started talking so let’s talk about technology especially for someone like you who is living with a visual disability. compound as that’s where my office is one gave me any special treatment If you look at the Nokia on my table it and this includes a music school-Kigame except being taken to a school for the has a cracked screen. That was my first Music Academy. Many times I work till blind. good phone, it is ten years old. I keep 5:00 pm then spend time with my son, You seem to have so much it to remind myself where I came from. then read a little and retire to bed. zeal in life judging from your It is a Nokia E63, it must be the best So you mentioned you went achievements. What drives device Nokia ever made, at least in my blind at three years. Did it you? opinion. I keep it to remind myself that faze you? Blame it on the exercises I do in the there are people who think about others Yes, I became blind at the age of three– morning. God is one of the things, as out there. he says with a finality. long as I am on earth I know God has a The iPhone is probably the best I was child so there is very little I purpose for me to be here on earth. My technical gadget I have owned, it is understood at the time. I gradually family too drives me, I want to provide revolutionary in that it has given me discovered that I was going blind. It for them and protect them. People – I a lot of independence. I can Uber to occurred to my family one evening love people, I respect that people have wherever I want to go like everyone else. as I reached out for Ugali and missed time for me, I respect that they ask for I am friends with Siri ; a web based voice the plate. I had contracted a cataract my time in any way. I am thankful for assistant App that you can only use and the medical services during all the people who make my life what it with wifi. The iPhone iOS also allows that time were very wanting so we is, they make me who I am. The soldier you to use voice over without having sought treatment to no avail. I think by the gate, the milkman in Eldoret, internet access. As he shows me exactly what helped me a lot is my family’s the Uber driver, my lectures, my fellow how he uses his iPhone he fields a few acceptance of my loss of my sight. No students my family anyone who touches urgent missed calls and messages and my life is worth my respect at that time. calls back an urgent number and I get to see exactly what he means by being independent. I notice he wears a watch and I ask how he tells time. He informs me that it’s a braille watch! 6 |MAY-AUGUST 2019
Before iPhone how did you survive? I would use predictive texts but that must be the most horrible innovation, it can mess you up thoroughly. I don’t really know but you adapt to your circumstances. So February being a month of love, how do you navigate romance as a person living disability? (Chuckling) Like any other person, I have all human feelings and urges I am just visually impaired Kendi. But as humans we are a little limited in how we choose to describe love you know. In the Greek language, there is Agape love is love of the soul, like how God loves you even when you don’t deserve it. Phileo love is sibling love, it’s fraternal love. Storge love is the love between a parent and a child. Ero is romantic love or the love of the body. Eros is basically feeling love and I guess that’s what most people celebrate on valentines. It’s not lust, lust is bushfire love, you have no reason to love it’s just like a blow of wind. With Eros there is something that charms you. So yes as a guy living with a disability also has feelings and I celebrate it with my wife. I treat her to a romantic dinner, I buy her chocolate and basically treat her like the queen she is. I also celebrate all the other kinds of love on Valentines. What your opinion on the LGBTQ community in regard to love? If someone identifies with a certain sexual orientation, you have no right to judge them. I will not treat them as less than because of their sexual orientation. Some conditions are congenital and others are sociological but that doesn’t mean I will respect you any less. Your choices are yours to make as much as I might not respect them but as long as they are not infringing on anyone’s freedom then that has nothing to do with how I treat you. Article 27, clause 4 of our constitution forbids against any form of discrimination. It states: the State shall not discriminate directly or indirectly against any person on any ground, including race, sex, pregnancy, marital status, health status, ethnic or social origin, color, age, disability, religion, conscience, belief, culture, dress, language or birth. You cannot legislate morality you see. 7 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Inspiration We encountered cases of neglect and physical abuse particularly in the slum Maria Omare areas. Girls with disabilities suffer double Transforming lives of Children and Youth with discrimination because of their gender Disabilities and impairment, and are more likely to be victims of physical and sexual abuse. Maria Omare is the Executive and Founding Director of The Action This led us to specifically focus on Foundation (T.A.F), a Non-Governmental Organization that aims to children with disabilities in low income break the barriers that prevent the inclusion of children and young areas because we felt that is where help people with disabilities. Listed among the Top 40 Women Under 40 is needed the most. We have currently in 2016, Maria is transforming the perceptions of people towards employed five people and are located at disability. She talked to GRACE MAYA. Frepals Building, Mashimoni, Kibera. I studied Foods Nutrition and Dietetics I was inspired to…. start The was a life-changing experience, and at in campus but... learnt how to handle Action Foundation in 2010 the end of the programme, some of them children with disabilities along the way when my experience as a achieved milestones such as increased through research and reaching out to volunteer at a sports program mobility, confidence and improved social experts in the field. My background for children with disabilities skills. As a result of holding disability in nutrition has helped us establish a exposed me to the realities of awareness events, we were able to recruit feeding program because we found that their lives. Working with the children more people to be part of the work. children with special needs are at risk of nutritional deficiencies because of feeding-related problems. Resource mobilisation is... a challenge, and especially when we were starting out. I am glad we kept going; it takes a relentless spirit, prayer and moral support. When we were setting up our therapy and learning centre in 2012, we learnt that the greatest resource we have is the community members. Caregivers of the children volunteered to look after the kids, and would even donate food and utensils. The best part of my every day job is...the positive change our work at The Action Foundation has on the lives of children with disabilities and the community inspires me every daily. It is really exciting when they learn to walk, talk, feed themselves, bathe, groom and clothe themselves. It is also rewarding when they are included in the society and no longer viewed as social isolates and when they gain social skills to play and even to interact with their peers. I have no typical day because...it’s never the same, but generally, I work at home from 7am to 10am because the office has no internet. I then walk or take a boda boda to the office where I help out with the kids and monitor what is going on. In the afternoon I might have meetings before I call it a day. Apart from personal donations... our fundraising activities range from writing grant applications to selling our merchandise in local malls. The mothers of these kids make recycled hyacinth bags, which are awesome, and are our most popular sell. We also sell t-shirts and other branded merchandise. Kenyans are still not very open when it comes to... talking about People with 8 |MAY-AUGUST 2019
Inspiration || Disabilities including sharing their experiences. This is due to lack of awareness and the social prejudices in our communities. The situation is even direr in the case of intellectual disabilities. What are the legal constraints (or legal assistance provided) when dealing with these children, while building schools or protecting their rights? Kenya has ratified international human rights instruments that protect the rights of children with disabilities. Among these are The International Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disability and The Convention on the Rights of the Child. The 2010 Constitution of Kenya also promotes equality and non-discrimination. There exists a cash transfer program for persons with severe disabilities and the elderly to improve their livelihoods and mitigate the effect of the disability to the household, funded by the government. Many of our kids are assisted by this money. After registration with the National Council for Persons with Disability, you get an ID to prove the disability then you get the money in a couple of months as a lump sum. We usually encourage caregivers to register with the National Council for assistance. There is a lot of work to be done to raise public awareness about the rights of persons with disabilities and the assistance available to them. The Action Foundation...would like child who is getting help is one less child out of mind mentality in the public to collaborate with other like-minded institutionalised in a care home. consciousness. I decided my focus will be organisations and individuals to According to the last major survey of on helping the parents so that they can make inclusion and equal access to disability among children in Kenya provide the best care possible for their opportunities a reality to all children. conducted in 2016, 13 percent of Kenyan disabled children in their own homes We are currently raising funds to build children live with some form of disability. among their loved ones. and pilot an inclusive community For the wealthy and middle-class Kenyan Maria Omare’s career …..as an advocate centre in Kibera that will address the parents, caring for a disabled child, for children living with disabilities, started health and social needs of children with though difficult, is manageable. However, disabilities as they interact with their for families in places like Kibera with Everyone has peers. Long-term, we intend to scale few private resources or government something special in our work to other urban slums and assistance, Omare’s center serves as a them and only best rural areas. Africa is a rich continent, refuge — not just for the children, but also version we can be is not only because of our minerals, for their often unemployed, financially tourist attractions and fertile soils, but strapped, and emotionally overwhelmed ourselves also because of the great minds and parents. innovative spirit of our youth. I founded The Action Foundation in Occupational therapy days... are 2010 because... I was tired of a pervasive emotional for me. Mondays and narrative that tells children with severe Thursday are occupational therapy disabilities, “Your hopes are futile, your days at the centre. Dozens of parents dreams are impossible, and ultimately, bring their children who suffer from your lives are worthless.” But I was certain physical disabilities of varying severity, I didn’t want to open yet another care including spinal bifida, cerebral palsy, home. I abhor the institutionalisation and congenital muscular dystrophy. As of disabled children that excludes them gratifying as it is for me to see children from society and creates an out of sight, making progress on their ability to crawl or walk or stand upright, hearing them scream in pain remains a distressing experience. But I take solace in the knowledge that every severely disabled 9 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
almost by accident. In 2009, during disabled. It was an experience that left start from scratch. All the gains they made her second year at Kenyatta University her feeling despondent about the quality with the children were forgotten. “It’s like in Nairobi, she volunteered with the of care and support the children were they would shelve our toys and go back to Special Olympics as a nutritionist, her receiving in that home. She remembers default mode,” Omare says of the people area of study. Omare says that she didn’t the place as a kind of warehouse. “There who ran that care home. volunteer out of some noble desire to was no joy and happiness,” she says and Omare looks back at her volunteer save the world, but that she was, as she adds, “No one cared to find out the experience as a turning point. She began puts it, “significantly broke,” and the children’s interests and passions.” to see disabled children as more than just position came with a stipend. For the Omare says she and her fellow volunteers a collection of ailments or a burden to first time, Omare met severely disabled would play with the kids, using be endured. That realization, she says, fellow Kenyans, individuals living with educational toys or other games. She “redefined her purpose in life.” conditions like Down syndrome, cerebral noticed that the children were not only So in March 2012, Omare opened The palsy, and hydrocephalus, a build of happier, but they made noticeable gains in Action Foundation center in Kibera. She cerebrospinal fluid in the brain that causes their communication and cognitive skills. chose this particular location because severe physical disabilities. However, because they were volunteers, the need was immense. Her friends and The following year, Omare started sometimes they would go back to school family thought she had lost her mind for volunteering at a care facility for the and when they returned, would have to 10 |MAY-AUGUST 2019
wanting to work in one of the poorest rooms. Through neglect and the As much as Omare loves her work, she and most emotionally difficult areas of withholding of medical care children with wishes her role wasn’t needed. She the country. At times she even thought disabilities are intentionally left to die.” believes the government should be the idea was crazy. But she still collected Omare is quick to point out that her responsible for these children, but that funds from family and friends adding center is not an institution like those it has largely left that responsibility to up to a meager $50 (KES 5000), and she described in the DRI report, but rather a NGOs like hers. “How do we get the put down a rental deposit on a one-room community hub where parents bring their government to support organizations such space. With the rest of the money, she children for support. In fact, one of the as ours?” she asks herself. “How do we get bought a padlock and a mat for the floor. requirements of the center is that parents the government to collaborate with us to Omare remembers sitting in the middle of must be involved in the daily care of their provide more support to parents?” the room and asking herself, “What in the children. One of the reasons Omare wishes she world have you gotten yourself into?” Involving parents isn’t always easy. Many had more support is that, despite the It took several years to get the do not acknowledge that their children successes of the past few years, funding organization off the ground. She first have severe disabilities and refuse to seek remains a near daily battle. “We still received a fellowship from Akili Dada, an necessary help as early as possible. Omare worry about paying the bills and sorting incubator that nurtures young African tells me about some of the children whose out the basic needs of the kids,” she says. women leaders. Before the end of that lives were improved dramatically through To supplement donations from Kenyan one-year fellowship, she was able to early intervention, like Lester (not his real citizens and various grants, the center attract more financial support and learn name), who at the age of 9 was not going started some income-generating activities how to fundraise, and other awards started to school because his spina bifida made of its own, such as making and selling pouring in. She received more fellowships, him unable to control his urine or bowel crafts and renting out the hall on the and soon after, a leading Kenyan movements. third floor of the building for community newspaper; The Business Daily named her In 2013 Omare met an Italian doctor events. as its Top 40 Under 40 Most Influential who, moved by her work, vowed to However, these funding challenges Women in Kenya. perform surgeries pro bono whenever don’t damper Omare’s enthusiasm for With this assistance, she started offering he returned to Kenya. Through him and the work. She has big dreams for The regular play dates for disabled children other medical connections, the Action Action Foundation. She wants to make with their parents and siblings. And Foundation has facilitated 20 surgeries the center in Kibera a national incubator recently, she recruited the help of the since 2014 — including on Lester, who had for innovations on disability issues. Maasai Mbili Art Collective, a group of a corrective surgery to one of his legs. The Helping bring about real transformation young artists in the neighborhood, to foundation was also able to negotiate for in the lives of children and youth come to the center and teach art to the Lester to attend a school that provides with disabilities is, Omare says, what children. education to kids with disabilities. And inspires her to keep going even when But there were also more serious systemic within the first school term, he was at the it is so tempting to give up. Whenever and societal issues, and for that, Omare top of his class. “What a shame it would she accepts an award or speaks at a began to enlist the help of other NGOs, have been,” Omare says, “if Lester was conference, she feels like she is speaking educational institutions and hospitals. kept at home because all he needed was for a whole community of children and For instance, the Action Foundation Hub support to be in the right environment their parents. “I don’t speak just for has education programs to advance the that can meet his needs.” myself,” she says. “Their voices propel inclusion of children with disabilities Omare tells me the stories of other me.” she into mainstream schools. Their program children whose lives have been made Somesha supports teachers to provide immeasurably better through the center’s Everyone has inclusive learning environments, early medical intervention and treatment. something special in while Waridi Girls Initiative provides Since 2012, the foundation has helped them and only best mentorships and teaches disabled girls almost 240 children with various needs, version we can be is about their sexuality and reproductive large and small. She rattles off the names rights. and accomplishments of some of those ourselves Poverty, lack of government resources, and children with the familiarity and pride of age-old myths about disabled children as a mother. In fact, she often refers to them cursed have all contributed to a cultural as her children. ambience in which these children are As gratifying as the work is, Omare says neglected, abused, and in some extreme it does take a toll. She confesses to a cases, especially in rural Kenya, killed by tendency to carry on her shoulders the their own parents. weight of the parents and children the In September 2018, Disability Rights center serves. But it’s a weight she carries International (DRI) listed a shocking with poise and good humor. Speaking to report titled, Infanticide and Abuse: her, I was struck by her bubbly energy and Killing and confinement of children with optimism in the face of so much hardship disabilities in Kenya. The report paints a all around her. That, she says, comes grim picture. Omare explains, “DRI found from the “belief that I was placed in this children with disabilities in overcrowded universe for a purpose. I’m Catholic. I go and filthy conditions, children spending to daily Mass just to balance myself before lengthy time in restraints and isolation I start the day.” 11 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Lifestyle By Elsa Koi Demystifying Myths Myths: People with Cerebral Palsy use on Cerebral Palsy wheelchair Fact: Although there are people with C ontrary to many people’s Myth: Cerebral palsy is treatable/ severe cerebral palsy who are confined beliefs, children with cerebral curable. to a wheelchair, there are numerous palsy or other disabilities Fact: Cerebral palsy is not curable others who can walk and run without can live a full life especially because the disorder is caused by any assistance. Cerebral palsy can be with early intervention. We irreversible brain damage. However, the extremely mild to extremely severe, and demystify some of the popular myths on physical effects of the brain damage anywhere in between. cerebral Palsy. can be treated. Managing the disorder takes precedence in this case. Experts Myth: Everyone with cerebral palsy has Myth: People with cerebral palsy (CP) focus on helping the child gain as much a learning disability. have mental retardation. independence as possible to be able to Fact: While some people with CP can Fact: Only a small percentage of manage daily activities. have learning disabilities many others those with cerebral palsy will also with CP do not. have mental retardation. In fact, most Myth: Cerebral palsy is a degenerative individuals with CP have gifted levels of disorder. Myth: People with CP should not be intelligence. Fact: Cerebral palsy is a allowed to get married and have kids. non-progressive, non-degenerative Fact: Many people with CP have Myth: People with cerebral palsy cannot disorder. That is, damage caused to gotten married and have had kids. speak clearly or understand what people the brain will not worsen with time. say and cannot follow directions. However, the symptoms may occur Myth: People with cerebral palsy are Fact: Even though those with cerebral slowly, and there may be developmental being punished for their sins. palsy sometimes do not speak clearly, delays. Fact: Disability is usually due to a they can still understand when other medical or physiological cause and not people speak and also intellectually Myth: Only injury during birth causes spiritual. follow directions. Most children with cerebral palsy. cerebral palsy are very intelligent. Fact: Cerebral palsy may be caused Myth: People with cerebral palsy should due to birth injury or birth defect. A not be employed or cannot do a job Myth: Cerebral palsy is contagious. birth injury occurs when an infant’s Fact: People with cerebral palsy are Fact: Cerebral palsy is not contagious. brain is damaged due to lack of oxygen just like any other person only that they during labor and delivery. A birth defect have a disability. They desire to prove Myth: Cerebral palsy does not appear in is the damage caused to the foetus themselves and should be given an later life. due to various factors such as maternal opportunity. Fact: Cerebral palsy can appear in infections or genetic malformations. later life due to infections (meningitis, Congenital cerebral palsy is caused due Myth: People with cerebral palsy should encephalitis) or due to severe head to brain damage that happens before or go to special schools injury. during birth. Fact: Nowadays governments and human rights organization stress upon inclusive education, which means educating children with and without disabilities together in mainstream schools. Children with CP can be educated in normal school setups with some help and this improves a lot in their overall personality. Myth: Someone with Cerebral palsy can never be self-dependent. Fact: With good rehab, therapy & medical measures at an early age nearly 80 percent of people with CP can become self-dependent. Sometimes they need the support of walking aid. Those with cerebral palsy can have a fully ambulatory life. Myth: Cerebral palsy persons cannot mingle with others in the society. Fact: Given the opportunity, these persons have more potential to move, mingle and become a normal part of society. 12 |MAY-AUGUST 2019
Lifestyle || By Julius M Rodriquez Are entertainment spots friendly to Persons with Disabilities? U sually, when it comes to It is on first floor. The customer service accommodating, very accessible and travelling especially for I received was nothing sort of amazing! relaxing. Should wish to take a break and Persons with Disabilities, They did not mind the fact that I was bite something in Embu and want a we tend to be a bit on a wheelchair. There were no awkward more pocket friendly place to eat...Pork hesitant until we check stares from the staff which was strange Center it is. off a few essential boxes first. Which because as PWDs this sort of becomes My last recommendation of accessible car am I going to use? Is it public or normal so when it does not happen it feel establishments in this county would private means? Can it fit my legs? How like something is not right. The salon is be KCB Embu Branch. Yes, I know it long is the drive? The most important adequately spacious which allowed my is not an entertainment joint but I just of all these questions is possibly the wheelchair to move freely. I could easily had to include them on this list. They infrastructure of the place I am heading access every room without help. I was so have a very spacious premises, very to. Is it accessible? How are the toilets? happy I actually decided to give the salon accommodating, very kind and are quick What about spatial considerations? a try and got my dreadlocks done there. I to serve. Even the hired guards there Sometimes one has to even take the staff wasn’t disappointed. make sure you are served efficiently and of the establishment to consideration. If you are ever in Embu and you need sufficiently. I talked to the manager there So, why all these questions? It’s simple your hair done this is definitely the and I am happy to say the management really...because it matters. A good place. When I found the stairs there, is looking to make sure PWDs are well entertainment spot for a person with even before I could ask someone to help served. disability will definitely translate to me up, I was already surrounded by four I am sure that there are so many more optimum wiring, efficiency and general guys (from a separate business office) places one can mention but these three peace of mind. On this particular issue of who offered to help me up and down stood out for me. Whenever I visit these the magazine I decided to start looking thereafter. places while in Embu I feel at peace. For into different counties, evaluate and rate My second most favourite place in this a few minutes on that drier while my their infrastructures to see if they are county is a not so big eatery called Pork dreads are being redone, or when I am disability friendly. My first stop is Embu Center. No stairs, no huddles, enough eating in the Pork Centre while I wait to County. While visiting this county, I space, good customer service and great go to KCB Embu Branch, I know I can let decided to randomly look into different meat with ugali at an affordable price my guard down. establishments. of only 130 shillings. You have not Thank you Embu County! My first and most favourite place was a eaten pork until you eat from this place; salon called Smart Lady Classic Salon. free fresh kachumbari and all. Very 13 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Marriages ou can easily deduce the By Eric Mutei quality of someone’s life from the subtle nuances Protect us from the Sun that you observe as you step into their zone. Like Love wins. This sounds cliché but not when almost every love story of our times is marked with heartbreak and rejection. Y house-helps or neighbors Lillian Wafula Onyango bears the countenance of a woman making courtesy calls and who has been truly loved; oozing a vibrancy that only love children with shikamoo Mamake. can offer. In fact, she is an embodiment of nature and God conspiring to give her the very finest of life -peace- a sure I meet Lillian Wafula Onyango one fine anchor of the unknown and an unwavering life support. evening at her new home. Lillian and her husband had had just moved in, and 14 |MAY-AUGUST 2019 the packed boxes showed of a people in the process of making a home. Our conversation cuts across various topics, angles, perspectives and the entire medley that makes our lives. In the beginning… Lillian begins by telling me of her childhood memories. Not the conventional stories of how she came from a humble background, or started from the bottom and what not. Nope! “I had an awesome grandpa. It is in him I found safety, I felt appreciated, cared for and with that had the confidence to conquer the world. Growing up and going through conventional schooling was a medley of experiences. I had my low moments, but at the back of my mind I knew I had a family that got my back. I knew I was different, from the curious looks I got. Sometimes kids pinched me to see whether I could bleed. However, I think being misunderstood, mostly by my teachers who thought I was pretending that I couldn’t see, was the greatest reminder that I was different and perhaps that I didn’t belong. It took the courage of one teacher, while in class three, to actually figure out what really worked for me. She had discovered that if I sat at the front row of the class my grades improved exponentially. She would have me sit on her desk during her lessons. This discovery was a turnaround for me. It is in those moments that I learnt to fight my battles, fight for my space and I got voice. I remember my grandma always reminded me the only way I was going to succeed and conquer the ignorance that surrounded me was to do well in education. That was enough to drive me to into books and pursue this magic that would change my life. Of faith, firm backgrounds, and turning point Remember the adage you shall know them by their fruits; this stuck with me always. My growth was in phases and I had my share of heartbreak, joy and self-discovery about what worked out for me. I developed the guts to face the
Marriages || world albeit with its challenges. From the onset, my family knew I needed protection from the sun. The gesture from my family really going out of their way to care about me gave me a sense of security. My faith in God and commitment in church kept me in check and helped me survive the murky waters of university.” Listening to Lillian, you can tell she holds no regrets in life. She appreciates the phases of life that she has gone through as it has helped her grow a thick skin to conquer whatever hurdles she has encountered along the way. She remembers one day her auntie brought home a magazine bearing a story of a child who had albinism. For Lillian, this was enough motivation that irrespective of her condition, she wasn’t alone and that she too could build the future she desired for herself. She therefore buried herself in books and that has made all the difference. Relationships and Marriage discuss. Kevin accepted me for whom I I have learnt nothing will ever change if am, no questions or expectations, just we do not genuinely love. The pangs of “When you are different people want to acceptance. Above all, we trusted in the seclusion, discrimination, and loneliness date you for different reasons. At times, perfection of God’s will upon the path we that come with disabilities can only be actually most of the times, the interest had chosen. conquered by sincere love. The only from others is not genuine. Anything remedy for the myths shrouding disability successful in life has been built. Nothing is the altar of love.” stands without the courage and sheer *Shikamoo Mamake- a form of greeting in effort to build. One thing I remember Swahili language when a younger person is about dating Kevin, now my husband, greeting an older woman whom would be is that he always had my back. Above considered as her mother. all he was a man of his word. We were friends at first but he had this aura about 15 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019| him that was totally captivating. He was genuinely invested in me as a person. My condition never featured anywhere in our discussions. We solidified what we felt for each other, during the two years we dated. So when he popped the question, there was no doubt I had found a partner for life. I have learnt that along these paths of our lives, if you find someone willing to go an extra mile for you without questions or explanations then, there is no mountain you cannot conquer together. Kevin has been my support system. He has helped me grow as a person in all aspects of my life. “Babies?” “What about babies?” She quips smiling and adds “We have a son.” “Was there a point you talked about the Parting shot eventualities of the babies having your condition? Did this scare you?” I ask. My marriage is a fruit of friendship, Lillian explains “Well, when it is a God’s grace and providence, and a strong non-issue there is no room or time for family support unit. I have served in deliberations. That was us and that has several platforms advocating for persons always been us. There was nothing to with disabilities, pushing for inclusivity, honoring and implementing the policies set for persons with disabilities which I know were made in good faith. However,
|| Marriages By Mercy Mugure Love at First Sight From my first encounter with Palesa and Sefuthi I knew there was something unique about them. The bond between this Lesotho couple was so obvious that it could be felt from far. I had met them barely four days ago but could tell theirs is a deep love. One evening over dinner, I took out my notebook and paper and said to them, “You are such a wonderful couple, you need to tell the world your love story”. And so here we are. I met my husband and married him I worked in a travelling agency and blind man. I don’t know why I told her in 2010,” says Palesa Sefuthi giggling my job entailed organising travelling so but she was too shocked and seemed and adds that the first day she saw logistics. Sefuthi travelled a lot and unhappy at first. him she knew she would marry him. became a frequent client in our offices. Being the only child, my parents and “At the time, I was dating someone else and I planned all his travel logistics. One especially my mother was very close to our relationship was flourishing quite well thing that was so outstanding about me. Days after synthesizing what I had but I couldn’t stop thinking about Sefuthi. him is his neatness and charisma. I was told her, she asked me to tell her more He was too handsome to be ignored. so smitten that just after exchanging about my boyfriend. greetings for few days I went ahead and told my mum I was going to marry this 16 |MAY-AUGUST 2019
Marriages || “Were you joking about him being blind?” Mum asked me curiously but I quickly brushed it off. Later, she brought me a Nigerian movie that had a character who was blind. I knew I needed to be honest with her. After numerous long conversations about Sefuthi, she knew I was serious and assured me of her support. Meanwhile Sefuthi and I remained great friends for months before he finally asked for my number. By then my then boyfriend had asked for my hand in marriage. I couldn’t accept his proposal because I knew my heart was elsewhere. He was devastated having waited for me to complete school. Although I felt very remorseful I knew a broken engagement was better than a broken marriage. My friends didn’t make the situation better. They too were shocked at the turn of events and questioned my decision. Some tried to convince me that Sefuthi would be too dependent on me and that if I married him I would later on get exhausted of helping him around. To them life would be boring living with a person with visual impairment. So concerned were they that one of them even asked me why I had given up in life to the extent of choosing to be with a blind man. On the contrary Sefuthi was far from sceptical of our relationship and thought I without disabilities. This built his strong boring. In fact I had not met such a was a gold digger. They believed they were personality as he was barely reminded of lively person. Our phone conversations best placed to help him get a wife who his disability. lasted for hours and many times mum would suit him. However, I am glad that On competing his primary school would come over to where I was hiding in with time I have proved wrong everyone education, he couldn’t get a secondary bedroom and grab my phone away. who doubted my love for Sefuthi. I school that could cater for his special “Oooh it is that boyfriend of yours again”, married him because I loved him and needs and hence ended up being enrolled she teased. he offered me true friendship. I couldn’t in a girl’s school “This is the place I leant Sadly, many people think of persons with foresee a life without him.” my social skills, how to treat a woman and disabilities as a burden and don’t see them Sefuthi Nkhasi, now 35 years old, is a win her trust and heart.” He says. beyond their disabilities. For me I saw father of two beautiful daughters; Refuoe This foundation would turn out to be Sefuthi as a man who would make a great and Refuoehape. He was born sighted important later on in life when his wife. husband and father to my children. I was but at the age of six years he fell sick. Sefuthi joined the University of Lesotho attracted to how handsome he was and his At the hospital doctors couldn’t save his where he studied law. He is currently well-built body. He was also a man who sight and neither did they have a medical pursuing a Masters Degree in Disability loved God and I knew he would love me explanation for his condition. His family Rights in Africa at Pretoria University because he had a relationship with God. sought help everywhere including going to in South Africa. Sefuthi works at the I chose to judge him by his character; a the traditional doctors but none of these National League for Visually Impaired in kind hearted man, who was ambitious and bore fruit. Later, he travelled to South Lesotho. He is grateful that his in-laws focused. In our phone conversations he Africa for further treatment but still his accepted him without prejudice and he was full of life and I therefore longed to sight couldn’t be restored. Over time his strives hard to provide and care for his spend the rest of my life with him. parents embraced the condition and their family so as not to let them down. The day I walked down the aisle with son as a child with visual impairment. As we conclude this interview, Sefuthi’s Sefuthi beside me remains one of my Sefuthi grew up in Lesotho at a time message to all youth with disabilities is, happiest moments in life. We had the when there weren’t any special schools. “You were all created for love. You deserve support of our church, family and some He was therefore enrolled in an inclusive to be loved and treated with dignity. How friends. The attendance at the wedding boarding primary school that was in you carry yourself will determine how was so high that I think people were Maseru; the capital city of Lesotho. people will treat you. Don’t be deceived curious and wanted to confirm if truly this Being away from home, he missed his that it is impossible to find true love wedding was happening. caring family but quickly learnt to be because I found it. Trust God and commit Some of my husband’s friends were independent at a tender age. He didn’t your ways to him.” face any stigma and had many friends 17 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Motherhood Losing my child After Birth be a mother and now my womanhood Grief is a complex process that has no quick fix – you have to was fulfilled. I swore to love my baby be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. This is what from the word go. Triza Mukuhi learnt when she lost her newborn baby. She This joy was however short-lived. When narrates to MWAURA KARAGU the harrowing experience and I went to see my baby the following her journey to healing. morning, she looked so pale and was less playful. My heart sunk. The nurse on duty assured me all will be well and that her change in demeanor was as a result of the amniotic fluid but that doctors were doing all they could to remove the amniotic fluid from her breathing system. However, as I left the nursery I was apprehensive. T riza…We have tried and done and abilities to an extent I began to Hours later, when I went to see her at our best but it was not possible doubt myself, my likes and my dislikes. the nursery she was convulsing. I alerted to save her.’’ Therefore getting pregnant was a great the nurse who then called the doctor and I felt a sharp pain in my heart way to demystify some myths. after observing her they whisked her away. as soon as the doctor said Unfortunately, I lost my job at an I was disturbed. I went to take a rest and those words. I couldn’t believe that she advanced stage of my pregnancy. fell into a deep sleep. I was woken up by was gone. I would have given anything Although I was heartbroken by the turn the voice of a nurse telling me that I had to see her alive one more time. My heart of events, every time I looked at my lost my baby. In my mind, I thought I was broke and tears welled down my cheeks protruding belly, a ray of hope beamed having a bad a dream and woke up in a uncontrollably. through and gave me a reason to smile. panic. The doctor confirmed to me that My baby was my hope at that point. they had actually done their best but they “I had carried a not so complicated Without a job, I had no medical cover couldn’t save my baby. My heart broke. I pregnancy and was hopeful that finally to continue attending the antenatal was hysterical and inconsolable. I was going to be a mother. I remember clinics that I had begun. Neither could I We agreed that the hospital would bury all the crazy ideas and plans I had for my afford to pay a private doctor anymore. my baby and so I paid the required burial baby way before she was born. I wanted Luckily I had an NHIF card and when it fee. Days later, I was discharged from to be the best mother any child would was almost time for childbirth I sought hospital. Dealing with the trauma of want and give her the best of life so an NHIF enabled hospital in Nairobi. I losing my baby was difficult. It didn’t that she doesn’t grow up with a negative was advised to deliver through caesarian help that when I arrived home some of perception of disability. I replayed section and hours later I woke up to my friends had brought me gifts for the the kind of conversations we would the best news ever; I was a mother to baby. It was so painful to see these gifts have especially regarding why I wore a beautiful baby girl. Later, the nurse fully aware that my baby was no more. calipers and walked in clutches. I was informed me that my baby had been I questioned God. Why would I lose a prepared to teach her disability from an taken to the nursery because she had baby I wanted so much? What had I empowerment point of view. inhaled amniotic fluid. Doctors were done to God to deserve such pain? Why working on removing it from her body. wouldn’t God take me in the place of my When the doctor confirmed that indeed Hours later my mother wheeled me to baby? I was devastated and disillusioned I was pregnant sometime in 2017, I knew the nursery and for the first time I saw with life. I began entertaining suicidal that it was a dream come true. Earlier, my baby. She was the most beautiful thoughts. I just wanted the pain to end. I had fears and lacked adequate and angel I had ever seen. I watched as she A friend introduced me to a support accurate information on my sexual and clasped her little hands and threw her group called Still a Mum where I met reproductive health. The information tiny legs in the air. My heart was filled other women who had gone through the I had come across on sexuality and with joy, I was in love. I always wished to same experience of losing their babies at disability often was negative. Like birth. I attended one-on-one discussions many other girls with disabilities I was with counselors and group discussions used to people doubting our potential which extended to WhatsApp groups. It was here that I gradually began my 18 |MAY-AUGUST 2019 healing process. Knowing that I was not alone really helped me. I began having peace of mind and accepting that my baby was gone. I thank God for giving me strength during my most trying moment. I am forever indebted to my family and friends who stood with me during that period.
Motherhood || 19 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Motherhood A mother’s Journey with Autistic Child Esther Njeri Mung’ui is a mother of two boys. Her eldest, Ian Munyao is an autistic child. She tells MERCY MUGURE her journey of parenting her autistic child and eventually starting a center to care for similar children. Tell me about your pregnancy In Ian’s case, he struggled with homeschooling and a parent with a similar journey and birth of your child? hyperactivity, aggression, behavioural problem approached me. So a thought When I found out that I would be a issues like rocking back and forth and came to mind; why not look for a premise mother, I was very excited. My pregnancy spinning on the ground. He was also very and have a teacher come there and teach was smooth and I had an easy time. That withdrawn and had no social interactions. the two kids. I talked to a friend who lasted until child birth when I developed He would block his ears and start is also a special needs teacher. The two complications due to prolonged labour. screaming. It was hard because he was not of us partnered and established Elysne After many hours in labour I eventually toilet-trained either up to the age 10, so Education Centre in Utawala, Embakasi had to undergo Caesarian Section. he was on diapers for 10 years. Raising a starting off with two children. Five years child with a special need is financially and down the line 50 children have passed When my son was born nothing looked emotionally demanding. through our hands. out of the norm and a few days later, I Have you identified Ian’s gift or took him home with me. It was much Ian has since outgrown most of the talent so far? later that I noticed that he had delayed behavioural challenges. His challenge Ian is very gifted in various areas. He milestones. He walked at almost 18 remains speech and language but he is is very good in Computers, can design months while in normal circumstances making improvements. He is a sitiing for graphics, fine arts and the best of all is children are able to make the first steps his class 8 exam this year. music. His voice is magical; he listens by their first birthday. Since his general to a song and brings it out exactly like health was good, at first I ignored the How did having an austic child its original. Although he still has speech/ delayed milestones as a cause of alarm. affect your life? language issues, when it comes to That was until he was about two-and-a It has totally changed my life. I have singing he articulates the words in a song half years. He couldn’t make any bubbling learnt to exercise patience, love him, be clearly. He has performed at state house, sounds, spoke no words and was super more understanding and embrace his Churchill show and many churches. hyperactive. I was very concerned. diversity. I have had to learn more skills so as to support him the best way I can. It What kind of support do you think I sought a medical checkup at a children’s has also made me change my attitude; I mothers of autistic children need? hospital not too far away from my home. have had to lower my expectations of him There is need to sensitize the general The doctor casually told me that my child and understand that he is different from public and create awareness on Autism. was Autistic but referred me the hospital’s other children and has his own strengths It is equally important to have support main branch for a more comprehensive and abilities which I always strive to help structures. So far in Kenya we lack checkup. Here I was advised to reduce him achieve in life. well equipped or modernised schools gluten and milk. There wasn’t any further or centers to support Autistic children information. I didn’t think there was any As a parent there are those sacrifices you according to their needs. Most of the reason to worry because even when the make because you want to give your child available services are out of reach for many doctor diagnosed my child with Autism I the best. So I enrolled him in a good parents due to high cost. didn’t know what it was. Besides he didn’t school that supports him and taken him seem alarmed and I assumed this was through interventions such as therapy. At My advice to parents who have autistic another medical condition that would be home, we also had to adjust our diet in children is to embrace diversity and give treated in no time. order to accommodate his special diet. their child the rightful interventions early Processed foods, sugars and milk are no enough starting with the simple ones like It only dawned on me how serious the longer part of our meals and this has had dietary interventions. They should also condition was when I researched on such a positive effect on him. read a lot about behaviour modifications the internet. This was the beginning of because there is a lot of information our many trips to the hospital to seek a How did you decide to start an on the same. It is also important to get second opinion. All sorts of tests were education centre? your child properly diagnosed, go for administered on Ian including an MRI At the age of 12, Ian became echocalic. assessment for school placement and work but the results were all the same. There Prior to this he was nonverbal. He began to achieve the ability of the child as it’s was no much support from friends and showing lots of improvement and could not always about functional academics family as many didn’t understand autism. sit still. I therefore enrolled him in a but there is something each is good What are some of the symptoms that an regular school. The teachers however, at. Parents also need to sensitize those autistic child exhibits? couldn’t handle him well so we changed around them to avoid stigmatization schools twice. It became very frustrating of the child and finally pray to God for There is notable behavioral patterns such as regular schools were not equipped guidance. as rocking, flapping, pacing up and down, to handle a special needs child. In my are withdrawn such as they prefer to play frustration I decided that he would stay alone, arranging toys or play items in a at home. certain border, lack of speech, lack of eye contact, hyperactivity, self-injurious and At one point, I decided to do blocking of ears among others 20|MAY-AUGUST 2019
Parenting || Unconditional Love Esther Njeri Mung’ui is a mother of two boys. Her eldest, Ian Munyao is an autistic child. She tells MERCY MUGURE her journey of parenting her autistic child and eventually starting a center to care for similar children. Angela Kinyua, a mother to Samara no matter what. We parted ways with whoever loves her, should love and accept Wakio Kinyua says her life changed Samara’s dad even before I gave birth her daughter first. Therefore, whenever overnight one evening in June 24th, and given what happened to Samara at a someone shows interest in her, she lets the 2012 when Samara was admitted with tender age of two, it made things worse person know in advance that she is raising meningitis. Samara was barely two between us. Accepting her was not easy a child with special needs so that they weeks old at the time and was admitted for both of us. Eventually, he warmed up know what they are getting themselves in in hospital for a month. “That was the to her but I wouldn’t say he knows her from the onset. toughest moment of my life. I had longed well since he meets her once in a while. Her advice to parents who have differently to be a mother but it had never occurred He really has no idea the daily struggles I abled children is to love and accept them to me that I would be a mother to a child endure alone,” she explains. as they are. She adds on, “Don’t be afraid with special needs. My pregnancy was According to Angela, juggling between to ask for help when you feel like you can’t smooth, I had a safe delivery and didn’t attending to the needs of her child with take it anymore. Have someone whom you anticipate any challenges,” she explains. special needs, working and having time can open up to about your worries and Baby Samara left the hospital after a for herself has been quite tough. However, fears. Beware because children have a way month of fighting for her life for a month. these challenges have made her build a of picking up on your negative energy.” The doctors explained that there were closer bond with her daughter who she She recognizes many times when faced chances of her developing complications says is now her best friend. “I couldn’t ask with challenges people tend to ask God, that could lead to a disability from the God for any other perfect gift than samara why me but says she has learned to ask if meningitis. Samara would later on lose in my life. I have learnt to appreciate the not me who else? “God gives those who her ability to hear. In addition she became different milestones in her life. Her pain He loves the most what seems like the epileptic. is my pain and her success is my success,” hardest burdens. Each is different and Angela sought support from her family she says exuding a lot of pride. differently abled kids tend to have hidden throughout this tough time. “I am It has been difficult for Angela to get into skill that if nurtured early would benefit forever indebted to my mom and younger another relationship because her daughter them. Choose to focus on the blessing,” brother who have been there for Samara comes fist in her life. She believes she concludes with much conviction. 21 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
An Evening Of Love Ability Magazine celebrated love with a dinner during Valentine’s Day. Many people turned up for the intimate evening of fun, good food and conversation. 22 |MAY-AUGUST 2019
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|| Nutrition SimpleBy Esther Kiragu and Healthy Breakfast! Nutritionists often say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, yet many people skip it in their rush to beat the morning traffic and get to work on time. Why not make breakfast a time for your family to bond and share love over a meal before they start their day? We challenge you to ditch the norm and take up these simple yet healthy breakfast recipes for your loved one. DELICIOUS MANGO PARFAIT Ingredients • 1 cup of diced mangoes • 1/2 cup of frozen Greek of natural yoghurt • 1 cup of granola or cereals of your choice Preparation procedure 1. Pour some yoghurt in a big glass jar. 2in.tTohtehne tyaokgehhuartlf. a cup of the granola or cereals and pour 3. Next pour some of the diced mangoes. 4. Pour the other half of the granola or cereals. 5. Finally, pour the rest of the diced mangoes. 6. Use a spoon scoop and enjoy your breakfast! gaTlihwveiasyybsorusewaakabfpaostothseitsmopfaaecnnkgeeodregswywittoihthllaosattsfyrooufuitnaoulftlrymioeonurtrnscianhngod.icYweo.iull can 24 |MAY-AUGUST 2019
Nutrition || BANANA OAT PANCAKES Ingredients • 2cups of traditional oats • 2 tablespoons of baking powder • 2 Bananas • 2 eggs • ½ teaspoon of vanilla extract • ¼ teaspoon of Cinnamon • Salt to taste • Maple syrup • Salt to taste Cooking procedure 1p.asMtea.sh two bananas in a bowl until it forms a smooth 2. Beat two eggs into the bananas and mix well. 3in.tAodtdhethmeivxatnuirlel.aUexsitnragcat afonrdktwhhei2sk/4thteeamspioxotunroef. cinnamon 34.mIninaubtelesn. der, take 2 cups pf traditional oats and blend for 5t2h.tePaobmuleirxstpthuoeroenbtslheonofrdobeuadgkohinalygt.spionwtodtehreanwdhiaskpeindcmh ioxftusareltatnhdenadstdir itfm6slo.ipihHsnohtuethatapeaetnespa.dtaphnpaeconabukaarentttdahenerpdaubnctadotstooeckmrootieshkcesfmooocrtaohl1nle-ua2rmtsmioodiiueln.nufWottsera.sai.tUnOuosentnhtcaieelrstcp1hoo-eo2okoneild 7sy.rPulpacoenaitf.eSweprvaen,cwakitehs toena,acpolfafteeeaonrdhoptouchr osocomlaetme. aple 25 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Invisible Disability I am…Crystal Asige. Fun loving, beautiful, Crystal Asige intelligent and down to earth and a visually And the Silent Thief of Sight impaired person. I studied Film and Theatre in Crystal Asige is a multitalented, stunning young woman who studied Bristol, U.K and now run my Film and Theatre in Bristol, UK. She is also a singer, song writer and an own Consultancy firm called amazing performing artist. Though robbed of her eyesight at the age Chemi Chemi Live Ltd. I also of 14, Crystal’s vision to leave the world better than she found it, still have my Youtube Channel called remains. She sits JULIUS R. MWAURA to share her story. Crystal Asige, currently running a series called Blind Girl Manenos 26|MAY-AUGUST 2019 (BGM), which is simply my day to day life with myself, the things around me and Glaucoma. Glaucoma is… an eye disorder that causes damage to the optic nerve. Part of the reason it is so dangerous is because there are no symptoms during its early stages so by the time you notice problems with your sight, the disease has progressed to the point that irreversible vision loss has occurred and any more additional loss may be difficult to stop. I got depressed because I did not know how to explain to people about it. How do you tell people Hey! So I went to the U.K to study film but now I am coming back home and I can’t see a damn thing? I got into a dark place, couldn’t understand why God took me to the U.K to study film and theatre (which is a visual art) only to take away my sight. I got out of it… later on when God and I had many conversations and eventually, I got up and made the choice to keep moving. I looked for different opinions all over then later on reapplied for a work visa to the U.K which I got and that is how I started working for the BBC. While at BBC, I learnt a lot. They were really accommodative of my condition. They got me mentors and specialist to train me on different softwares and assistive aids. They also changed the layout of the campus as much as they could and generally made my life easier around the office. They did a lot just for one person and that in itself encouraged me a lot. BBC was the best employer I ever had. I got the chance to work with Pixar, Disney and Adam Smith International, Media Action in Tanzania and Uganda right after I got home as a Content Producer of their online content through BBC and Viewfinders because they believed in me and in what I could do because they chose to see beyond the Glaucoma. My experience with Kenya after BBC… was challenging. 50 percent of the time, organisations would call me in for an interview and then later they would just turn me down. I used to leave out the fact that I was Visually Impaired in my CV because it should not matter whether or not I have a disability as long as I can
Invisible Disability || do the work. Most of the times during will then write and present the report and Well, he has to NOT be materialistic. interviews they’d ask: How will you see its recommendations to the Governor of He’s got to know how to spell correctly. I the computer screen? How will you get Nairobi and all stakeholders, so that they mean that just goes without saying. to work? Will you be able to operate the can work on it and hopefully in tandem You would really NOT date a guy because Autocue? with both the BIG 4 AGENDA and the he does not know how to spell? I ask. I already knew how to do those things. I 2030 goals. YES! She answers with finality. It makes have built little gadgets to get me here My love life is… active (smiling shyly). me really annoyed! Know how to spell and there, and I told them as much, but I have been on lots! Lots of dates. please! I felt as though their general response Tinder and all that, but I still prefer Also the conversation has to be was not positive. I feel that we have the old fashioned way of organically stimulating. I mean we cannot just sit yet to do much to create awareness on meeting guys. I am not dating someone there and look at each other’s’ eyes at issues around persons with disabilities exclusively though so I am still playing least not for me (laughs). So we must you know? Kenya is my home and the field. have great, stimulating conversations! they cannot accept me for who I am. My guy metre… is all about knowing Plans on St. Valentine’s Day… none as of Foreigners can, but not my home? That whether the guy I am with could be THE yet, but I am open to suggestions. is just sad. I had so much support while GUY! You know? Being a VIP… is a term used in the UK abroad but as soon as I go home...zero! “You have a guy metre”? I ask. to refer to Visually Impaired Persons that Too bad. Not really a guy metre just a threshold is surprisingly catching on in Kenya and So I found a way to… raise awareness of of sorts that my ideal guy has to get to I am the ambassador. By faith NOT by it all through my Youtube Channel and before anything happens. sight is the slogan. that is how Blind Girl Manenos (BGM) “For example?” I persist. Life lessons as a VIP thus far…. started. I have been asked to write plays and films about my life (Laughs). I am thinking about it but I am more inclined to a book...maybe! (Chuckles). Singing has… always been there. Music has always been there. I have been singing ever since I was 2 - 3 years old so music has taken me to parties or church. Even when I was being bullied in school, the only way I could tell my Mum about it was through song. (Bursts to a song) “Oh Mu-mmy… Steven beat me.” Even while in the UK, I used to go for open mic sessions and music events. I used to play the piano actually. I have a band we… call ourselves Chemi Chemi. (When they are with me). Separately they are called Burning Bush Jazz. We perform in Mombasa and Nairobi. We were the curtain raisers for Sauti Sol during their event at the White Sands Hotel last December actually. I have been told… I have a soulful - jazz sound. Anita Baker Billie Holiday, Prince, Michael Jackson those are my guys. I would love to collaborate with… Sauti Sol, Nyota Ndogo, Eric Wainaina. Outside Africa, I would take Sia any day. She is a really great inspiration to me. Her lyrics are always awesome...inspired. Lauryn Hill as well. Very amazing person, would definitely love to do a song with her. Chemi Chemi Live LTD is… a consultancy firm where we help governments and non-governmental organizations alike make policies related to disabilities more practical. We help advice places of work on how to become disability-friendly and generally create a good work environment for people with disabilities and their employers. Currently, we are mapping Nairobi City for any and all places that we consider not suitable or unfriendly as far as People With Disabilities are concerned and we 27 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Invisible Disability special, we’re just...we all just are. My vision. First of all it’s good to have a vision limitations are more visible than yours but and understand who you are and whose Compassion, materialism, using your we both have limitations basically. The you are because those two will help you third eye, I have learnt lessons about best way to treat someone with disability make good decisions in future. judgment, focus, distractions, how to is to treat them as you would any normal Advice to the boy child… you are more listen better, not to compare yourself and person and just because you’ve met one important than you understand. You more about myself as a human being. Now that blind person does not mean you’ve met all important than you think. You maturing I am visually impaired I actually feel as blind people. Just because you understand into both sensitive and strong men is so though I have less problems, you know? one disabled person does not mean you important for females… for women. It’ll See no evil and all that. We have a lot of understand us all. Everyone is individual be so important for you to know how to problems because we also look to see what Advice to… VIPs. Life does not consist be a good husband. It’ll be so important people think of us but that has now sort of of the cards you are dealt but how you for you to know how to be vulnerable. It’ll become a back burner, an afterthought for choose to play them does. So, you are be so important to be understanding and me after being legally blind. responsible for yourself. Don’t wait for kind. Strong but not aggressive; finding We need to… get ourselves more someone to stand up for you, stand up for that balance, you have no idea how it will educated as VIPs because there is a sense yourself. A shift can only happen if we all help your community, your nation, your of entitlement. The world does not owe do our part. son, your daughter... et cetera. you anything. Everyone has problems Advice to girls like myself… aaaiii! Man, Ministry of Labour and Social Protection. and it comes in all shapes and sizes. We that’s like a whole speech. I can’t just put They also gave me 20 blankets, which I need to pull ourselves up. As far as the that in a sentence. But let me try. There’s gave to the old people in my programme,” whole nation is concerned, we need to nothing that you cannot do life is full of says Oduor. change the general mindset; if this does possibilities. Perhaps I would as well finish “My next project is on sustainability. I not change then nothing can change. We with a quote from Helen Keller which is; am working on empowerment projects need to change the National psychology one thing that’s worse than being blind for needy people so that they can be able out here and not just in Kenya, but Africa is to have sight with no vision. So I’d to sustain themselves,” says Oduor as we as well. Just because I am a VIP does not encourage girls, disabled or not to have conclude the interview. mean I am an inspiration. I am not an inspiration...not all the time. Sometimes I am just living my life...you know? Politics and me...is a definite no no. I would not want to run for office...ever! There’s way too much red tape. And, there already an issue with women and leadership so can you imagine how much more complicated it would be for a woman with a disability? So, No. No thank you. Whatever changes I want to make can and will be made through my usual platforms and in my area of influence not matter how small. A leader does not need an office to lead. The office they hold (if ever) only serves to amplify what already possess within themselves. Most favourite interview… was with This is Ess on NTV which is my most recent one. Because I got to show the producers, the host-Ess, and her audiences a difference. I blindfolded her, gave her practical challenges and for a minute or two we had fun as she told me how she felt in my world instead of the usual sit down, ask questions about my VIP-ness norm. Like I said I am an action-based person. That was fun. Most memorable embarrassing moment… was when I was going for a hug from a guy friend of mine but went the wrong way and I ended up kissing him on the mouth. Oh my! It was so awkward man! I was like; Dude! You can see YEAH! I am going for my left. Why can’t you go for yours?! What’s wrong with you? And we just had this awkward laugh and laughed it off then just waved goodbye. Never talked about it ever again. My superpower… would be to flirt. I don’t think I know how to or it could be because I am a straight shooter through and through but I have never really been able to flirt. It is very sad (laughs). Advice to… non-disabled people. We’re not different. I’m not special, you’re not 28|MAY-AUGUST 2019
Health || By Clara Kamau Understanding Spina Bifida S pina bifida is among the most nutritional problems such as folic acid Bifida. Here, the spinal cord remains preventable conditions yet deficiency or exposure to harmful open along several vertebrae on the because of the fact that very substances. It is actually said that having middle or lower back. It is often few people know what it is one child with spina bifida increases the characterised by muscle weakness, loss of let alone what it is called, it chances of having another child with the control of bowels, paralysis or orthopedic remains a condition that continues to condition. problems. threaten the lives of expectant mothers The good news is this condition can be and unborn children all over the world. The symptoms of it occur in three prevented by exercise to reduce obesity Though there are many different forms varying with severity: during pregnancy, taking of folic acid interpretations of what this condition is, 1. Spina Bifida Occulta. This is a mild supplements during the pregnancy in essence it is a condition that occurs form and comes as a result of a small period, proper management of diabetes as a result of neural defects, whereby separation in one or more vertebrae of mellitus type II and minimising the the neural tube fails to either develop the spine. It is often characterised by use of toxic drugs during pregnancy. or close properly. As a result, it causes skin discoloration, small birth mensia, Although Spina bifida has no cure, defects to either the bones that make collection of fat deposit on the skin and treatment is administered to children the backbone or the backbone itself. abnormal tuft of hair. with the condition with the aim of The condition is idiopathic, but it may ensuring an individual reaches their result from a combination of genetic 2. Meningocele. It is a rare form of spina highest possible level of function and and environmental risk factors such as bifida where the meninges push out independence. It is recommended that family history of neural tube defects, through the opening in the vertebrae. parents work closely with therapist so as to learn how to exercise a child’s legs and 3. Myelomeningocele or Open Spina maximize movement. 29| |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Parenting By Julius R. Mwaura A LETTER TO MY SON JOE Dear Son, and all the girls he has slept with. The wise about who you give yours to. Crying more they are, the more respect you earn is no weakness; even heroes cry Joe so I know you aren’t old enough to read around men. They will tell you how men cry when you need to and when they tell this but I want you to know I miss don’t cry because it is a sign of weakness. you to bribe your way into a job please seeing you swim. I miss hearing the They will tell you corruption is a way of refuse my son. It may take a while but it sound of your laughter filling my ears. life and everyone is doing it. When you will be your hard earned sweat than that I miss your hugs. The feeling of your choose to spend time with your family of others. Place your family first above little hands holding me to assure me rather than go out with the boys, they every human, and by family I mean that things will be just fine. I miss will say that your wife rules over you, those that are there for you through carrying you on my wheelchair and and many other evil things. it all, not just those related to you by having you push me around with it Joe, you need to stand by the truth blood. while playing together. always. Just because I have a physical As I conclude, I refuse to give you my I want you to live your life. Respect your disability does not mean I am less of a father’s name because it brought me mother. Listen to her; she knows more man and the true measure of a father nothing but pain. I gave you this new than she lets on. I know she is tough on is not in what he uses to move around, one so that you may begin a new lineage. you but she means well, I promise. She neither is it solely in the participation My pain dies with me and I can only is still the light of my world. My first of their child’s birth, but also in the hope you will make your children proud thought when I wake up and my last proper upbringing of a child. A man is to wear your name because your name when I fall sleep. Be there for her always not his loins and the size of it does not is your identity. Your name is spirit. Your and please keep her out of trouble. define you. Joe, a real man does not play name is your shield. Listen, your aunties will tell you many around with girls’ hearts and neither You, are Joe Rodriguez Mwaura. things. That I am less of a man because does he keep a list of those that he I am on a wheelchair. Others will say I has slept with because he understands Yours beloved dad am not your father because I was not that sex is so much more than what there on your first day here. Out there, the world today has made it up to be. Julius R. Mwaura the world will tell you that a man is his Understand that love is not a toy my loins; that size matters in bed. They will son. It is not a feeling that comes and tell you that a man keeps a ledger of any goes as it pleases. It is a choice. A choice that carries consequences. So please be 30|MAY-AUGUST 2019
Special Feature || The pain of losing a child In the month of May, many will be celebrating Mother’s Day. her the strength and encouragement However, many are the women for whom mother’s day is a painful to go on especially during the tough reminder of a time when motherhood came so close yet so far. days. She says it wasn’t all gloomy as in WAMBERE M. MIGWI spoke to one such woman; Regina Fiona between the many hospital visits she met Wairimu who opened up her heart amidst her grief. strangers and friends alike who shared smiles with her son. Later, she started a WhatsApp group where she invited parents with children who have Down syndrome to walk the journey together, share information and support each other emotionally. She had purposed that she would raise her child the best way she knew how regardless of his condition. One morning Regina woke up to find her son having difficulty breathing. She quickly rushed him to hospital where doctors administered tests on him. “Your baby has adenoids which need to be removed as soon as possible if at all his breathing is to restored,” the doctor said to her after a series of test. The day I found out I was attended during her last trimester, the “I was terrified. No parent wants to pregnant with my son I was doctors hadn’t raised an alarm about see her child in pain and to know that elated. Being a first time her pregnancy and therefore she had my son was going to undergo surgery mum, I could not hide my joy no reason to worry. At the delivery shook me to the core. I wished there as I was finally ready to enjoy room one of the nurses asked her in a was an alternative to the surgery but the the pains and joys of motherhood. My surprised tone, “Was everything okay doctors said that was the only way out. pregnancy was a normal one. However, I with your pregnancy?” She confidently For the next days that followed, my son was scared of disclosing it to the father answered yes. However, when the underwent several tests in preparation of my baby and my family as I was still nurse handed Regina her baby, she for the surgery. As a single parent, I knew in college,” Regina narrates. immediately realized that her son was I had to be strong for my child. I prayed When she finally gathered the courage different. “I silently whispered to myself that indeed the operation would be a to tell her parents, they were quite that I would do everything humanly success and I would get to see my son disappointed to say the least. Like many possible to raise my child well and happy and back to his old jovial self,” she parents who find themselves in such shower him love,” she explains. explains emotionally. situations, they felt that Regina who Her son was diagnosed with Down Unfortunately things didn’t turn out as was in her early twenties, was young. In syndrome at birth. Regina had no expected. The day of the surgery would addition, they were afraid that she had knowledge about Down syndrome and be the last day Regina would get to see compromised with her future because as soon as she was out of hospital, she her son alive after just seven months. she was yet to complete her college buried herself in books and the internet The loss of her son hit her hard. She was education. Nevertheless, they promised and reading all she could about it. angry and felt as if the hospital hadn’t to support her. The birth of her son marked a journey done enough for her son. Not only did According to Regina her pregnancy that involved numerous visits in and out she have to deal with the loss of her child was a normal one with the usual of hospital. It was tough emotionally but she was also left with a huge hospital cravings and mood swings. During the but Regina resolved to fight on. Her bill. Despite having a NHIF cover, the antenatal clinics, which she had only family and a few close friends gave hospital said it wasn’t enough to cover the medical expenses,” she explains the traumatic events. After what she describes as a push and pull with the hospital, they finally agreed to waiver her bill. A week later Regina buried her son in what she describes it as the most painful and sad ordeal she has had to deal with. She is still learning to move on amidst the pain. 31 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019|
|| Relationships Most people treat love as something that By Julius R Mwaura “happens to them” or something they “are in” Love: A Choice But love- good, healthy, mature love — is or a feeling? not being or feeling. Neither is it motivation, inspiration, being swept I t is often said that love is the of love is its ability to assimilate itself away or overwhelmed. Love is an act. most misused word in the in almost everything in existence. It A decision. It’s deliberate. It’s external English language. Infact, it is so is a noun yet still a verb and in some effort. It’s choosing and committing. overused as a word that some instances, even an adjective. It is the Love is pain. And sacrifice, but it’s also dictionaries equate it to sex. full description of God in His eternity the most beautiful thing in the world Today more often than not these and still a synonym of sex. Of all these, when it’s real and reciprocated. It’s based two terms are used interchangeably, but perhaps the more lingering question is; on you, not them. perhaps the most unique characteristic Is love a feeling or a choice? “The myth is that love is all about attraction, fun, and sex. But being in love 32 |MAY-AUGUST 2019 is more complex and mature than all of that. Those things are only a small part of the big love picture.” Dr. Jenn Mann, author of The Relationship Fix. Befitting though it may be because it’s Valentine’s season; this question is integral throughout our lives. Most of us tend to focus on falling in love and use the feeling of love to determine the duration of a relationship. Falling in love is easy to do, but losing that loving feeling is not that hard to do, either. Feelings, however, can be fleeting. No one seems to want to talk about how those loving feelings can fade, that it takes work to keep the love alive, and that choosing to stay in love is a choice we all must make. Who we love is as much of a choice as it is a feeling. Staying in love takes a commitment. After the rosy glow of the new relationship wears off, we have to make a decision: Do we want to love this person and commit to a relationship together, or are we going to let this person go? Once we have made the decision that we have found the person we want to be with and commit to, the work begins. A big part of that work is making many other choices. Choosing to accept someone as they are and not trying to change them; that, is what love is! Understanding that during these times, really helps to remind ourselves of why we chose to love them in the first place. Love is all about choices. We choose to see the good, ignore the petty, look for what we could do for our partner, and remember why we love our partner. Choosing to put in the effort to do these things is what love looks like, and with that work comes the wonderful reward of staying in love. If you want good love, you don’t choose based on physical attractiveness or how they “make you feel.” You don’t choose based on a stupid set of interests and characteristics. Instead, if you want a healthy relationship, you choose an emotionally-healthy partner, and
afterwards focus on the work of loving Relationships || them because emotionally-healthy partners will put in effort and love right 13. Share your vulnerabilities and fears back. So pick someone who is: with them. A load carried by two is easier than one carried alone. Self-loving, deserving of your love and 14. Be faithful both emotionally and will return it and meet your needs. physically. When you ask someone why they love 15. Don’t hide things. Trust is fragile— you and they cannot easily come up with handle with care. at least 5 reasons why then they do not 16. Send each other love notes. love you, they love the idea of you, sure. 17. Speak respectfully to them. They like But not you! to hear you talk about them favorably in front of others, but it means even more Should you still love people that Here are some practical when you talk glowingly about them hurt/disrespect you? No, not actively. ways you can choose to love when they aren’t around. Passively and from afar, maybe — you on a daily basis: 18. Encourage them to be the best can wish the best for them and respect person they can be. Support their their decisions, but not in a way that’s 1. Let go of the little things. If you are hobbies, learning interests, and passions. intimate, vulnerable, or invested. When truly honest, you’ll realize most of them Be their biggest fan. someone loves you, they love all of you. are little things. 19. Apologize. And mean it. They see where you are weak, and they 2. Give more than you take in your 20. Forgive. And mean it. understand. They don’t judge it. They relationship. 21. Develop couple rituals that are known may not like it, but they are patient with 3. Love without strings attached. only to you. you. They trust you. They trust in the 4. Communicate, communicate, and 22. Work on goals and dreams together. better side of you and believe in who communicate some more! Planning is half the joy. you are. When they are upset with you, 5. Look at the world through your 23. Say “yes” more often than “no.” they talk to you about it in a calm way. partner’s eyes. Seeing things from their 24. Schedule time alone together. Not shaming. They care more about the perspective helps you better understand 25. Love yourself. You can’t decide to relationship than they do about being their actions and motivations. love another until you can decide to love right. So, that person you are dating or 6. Pay attention to him/her. Look at yourself. in a relationship with. Ask yourself. Do them and focus on what they are saying Loving another person isn’t easy, and it they really know you? Would they have or doing. can’t be based on feelings or emotions to scratch their head if someone asked 7. Before you blame, examine yourself that fluctuate like the weather. Choose them why they love you? Life is too first. actions that show your love, and make short to give your heart to someone who 8. Let it be okay that you don’t see the decision to do it every day. doesn’t fully appreciate you. eye-to-eye on everything. Sometimes “Love is friendship set on fire.” - French Maybe it’s not their fault. Maybe they you just have to agree to disagree. Proverb are just ignorant and can’t appreciate a 9. Accept and celebrate their differences good thing when they see it. It’s sad but and uniqueness. Face it—you can’t 33 | |MAY-AUGUST 2019| there are people like that. Maybe they change them, but you can change your don’t want to see it. Maybe they aren’t attitude about their quirks. ready to see it. They could be afraid to 10. Validate their feelings. Don’t try be confronted with your inherent value to “fix” their perspective or contradict and the responsibility of caring for your them. Accept their feelings without heart. Some people also self-sabotage judgment or correction. things out of fear. Some people just 11. Work as a team. don’t get it. They’re not yet quite 12. Be flexible with your him/her. While self-actualized. They don’t understand consensus is always the goal, sometimes why they do the things they do. They’ve we have to bend to the other’s wishes. yet to see what’s valuable or importance in a partner. They are living for the moment-for a feeling. When you do the work of loving someone, the sacrifice of giving of yourself, the good feelings naturally follow. If you reap the work, you will sow the reward. Love is a verb. An action. A choice. A sacrifice of yourself. It’s an investment. If you show someone love, that doesn’t mean they are going to love you back or that they should either. Wait for someone who gets you first, and then decide whether or not you feel the same. Unreciprocated love is painful. Wait to love someone who loves you back. Someone who can appreciate and understand all of you. Choosing to love isn’t always easy, but it is worth the effort.
|| Tribute owed to them. Even if it means lobbying By Millicent Wambui Kithinji and rigorously petitioning the County Government of Embu. We need to not A TribWuatechtoiraMartin only be vocal but also learn to properly articulate our issues and concerns through the proper channels to illicit effective and efficient responses from those concerned. Otherwise, we will continue being taken advantage of. What advice would you give the government in regards to PWD(s)? Simply, follow the law! What advice would you give PWD(s) in regards to the government in general? Do not wait for assistance, learn your rights and fight for your space in the general makeup of the country. When have you been most satisfied? When I finally got my family. The lover, father, strategist, What does valentine day mean to and political leader you? It’s a day for people in love. A day T ell us about you. What is your opinion on the current set aside to appreciate those you My name is Wachira Martin, state of affairs in Kenya? love. However you shouldn’t wait for a Person with Disability The fight against corruption looks Valentines to appreciate those you love; from Embu County born 37 legit but somewhat cosmetic in a sense do it daily. years ago. I studied in Urban Primary because there are no convictions as School then proceeded to Karaba Boys of yet. At the Embu County level, What is the most expensive gift for my high school education. Later the situation at the moment is very you have bought your wife during on, I attended the Kenya Institute of discouraging. Tin 2018 for example Valentine’s Day? Management where I pursued project we had a budget of approximately 6.7 Well, I love her very much and I was management as a course. Currently, I Billion to pay staff and cater for several always looking forward to talking to her am a community health worker focusing projects, but the bulk of that money in and out of the house. So I took her particularly on issues of reproductive went to paying staff as opposed to out for dinner one night and surprised health among the youth. working towards development in the her with an amazing phone. county. It looks chizzy I know, but I love that Tell us your story she loved the gift even in its simplistic My story is that of a young man with a What is your opinion of Embu nature. hunch back disability born of a humble County and PWD(s)? background with a passion for humanity Embu County is ignorant when it comes “It’s the simple things that count” she and civil rights. I look out for the under to PWD(s) and it is even worse when it said, and I remember that to this day. privileged, mistreated, abused and comes to provision of opportunities for abandoned children with disabilities and PWD(s) even though the Constitution What is next for you in the near serve them by defending for their rights. states that such provisions should be future? made available. This provision in the I will definitely keep fighting for Are you a politician or a leader? constitution seems to be working for PWD(s) in Kenya and see to it that I I am both a leader and a politician but most minorities except PWD(s). Out become a better husband, father, son not an elected one. I like politics a lot. of 10 Permanent Secretaries, 10 County and overall human being. Twice, I have tried a hand at politics Executive Commissioners and 18 although I did not win. Leadership is a County Directors none has a disability Martin succumbed to Pneumonia two passion for me, I consider it a calling. In in Embu County! weeks after we conducted this interview. my mother tongue, the name Wachira On behalf of Ability Magazine and means someone who is an arbitrator. I What improvements need to be our readers, we send our heartfelt love providing solutions to problems. made in such cases? condolence to Martin’s family and Conflict resolution comes naturally to PWD(s) need to stand up for friends. His tenacity and passion to fight me. I believe I am living up to my name. themselves. Demand what is rightfully for Persons With Disability is indeed unmatched. He will be missed dearly. May his soul rest in peace. 34 |MAY-AUGUST 2019
Things you need Poliomyelitis (polio) is a highly infectious disease caused by the Polio virus, which mainly affects Polioto know about young children. It can cause permanent paraly- sis (weakness of the arms or legs or both) or even death. The Polio virus is spread from person to person mainly through ingestion of food contaminated 1 with the stool of an infected person. Many children infected with polio do not show signs of the disease so they easily pass it on to other children undetected so long as they have The initial symptoms of polio include the virus in their intestine. fever, fatigue, headache, vomiting, stiffness in the neck, and pain in the 2 limbs. In a small proportion of cases, the disease causes paralysis or weakness of the arms and legs or both, which is often There is no cure for polio, permanent. it can only be prevented by immunization. The Government of Kenya introduced and continually avails the polio vaccine at health facilities across the country to protect all Kenyan chil- 3 dren. It is recommended that all children receive at least three doses of polio vaccine by the time they are one-year- Additional vaccine doses old to ensure the protection of children there are however recommended when against the virus. is a virus detected in the community or in the + environment in order to give children additional protection 4 against the specific type of virus that has been detected. The vaccine is safe and not harmful when given multiple times. The more children are vaccinated, the more all children are protected from the disease. Children who received the vaccine may Health care professionals who have 6 concerns about a possible vaccine- experience mild side effects including fever, related side effectsshould channel mild rash, vomiting and poor feeding. Any concerns and queries through 5 child who develops any serious side effects [email protected] thought to be related to the vaccine should be seen by a qualified health care professional. @ Stay Safe! Vaccinate your Child! Afya ya watoto wetu! #VaccinesWork
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