Methodist Message: Oct 2021

ISSN 0129-6868 MCI (P) 027/11/2020 THE METHODIST CHURCH IN SINGAPORE Vol 123 No 10 OCTOBER 2021 METHODIST SOCIAL PRINCIPLES: The sphere of social well-being

Contents Methodist Message 1 Bishop’s Message needs your help! Do you have a way 2 Events—Coming Up with words? Can you draw—on paper 3 Church life—TRAC Highlights or in digital media? Can you design? Do 4 Church Profile—Barker Road MC you like writing? Do you take photos? 5 News—The Faith We Sing 6 News—A holistic approach to mental health We’re looking for volunteers! 8 News—Conversations about sexuality with your children 10 People—Jenny Teo and Josh Isaac Ng Writers: to help cover events, write book 13 People—Matthew Visuvsan reviews / poems / any other article 14 People—Carolyn Tan 16 Opinion—How we can pray for our youths contributions Sub-editors: to edit articles 18 National Day Awards 2021 Proofreaders: to help check out layouts 19 Reach Out—Welfare Services Photographers: to contribute photos of events 22 Reach Out—Missions they have attended Illustrators: to draw 25 Relationships—You & Your family comics / infographics / anything else that 26 Hymns & Songs 27 Opinion—Soundings might be inspiring 29 What does being a Methodist mean to you? 30 Opinion—THINK If you have these skills, or any others that 34 Looking Ahead might make MM a better read, contact us! [email protected] Errata In the obituary of Mr Peter Joe Chia in the print edition of the August 2021 issue of Methodist Message, we mistakenly stated that he passed away in 2019. It should be 2021. We sincerely apologise for the error. EDITORIAL BOARD The official monthly publication of The Methodist Church in Singapore. Published material does not necessarily reflect the official view of The Methodist Church. Adviser and Publisher All Scripture quoted is based on the English Standard Version unless otherwise stated. Dr Anthony Goh Chairperson 70 Barker Road #06-04 Singapore 309936 Council on Communications 6478-4793 | 6478-4763 message.methodist.org.sg | www.methodist.org.sg Editor [email protected] Sheri Goh fb.com/Methodist.SG @methodist.sg Sub-editor Tan Chiu Ai Design & Production by Londonbob Design — Printed by Adred Creation Print Pte Ltd Have something to say or share? Email us at [email protected] Communications Executive Jason Woo Proofreader Tan Sheng Ling

BISHOP’S MESSAGE Bishop Dr Gordon Wong was elected Bishop of The Methodist Church in Singapore in 2020. He served as President of the Trinity Annual Conference from 2013–2020. God’s elusive presence “Surely God is with you… presence and absence of God as, not just a peripheral, Surely… a God who hides.” but indeed the primary theological description of God in the Bible. God is “the elusive presence” in our (Isa 45:14–15) human world.3 “Now you see me, now you don’t!” In a COVID-19 pandemic when we are discouraged by the apparent absence of God, let us encourage Like the sudden disappearing act of a magician who each other—with words and deeds of kindness and delights an audience, God Who is with us suddenly compassion—to walk on with hope and faith in the disappears! The statement in verse 15 that surely God invisible God who is our “very present help in times of hides himself is preceded by the statement in verse 14 trouble” (Ps 46:1). that surely God is with us! Now we see God, now we don’t! But unlike the magician’s stage performance, God’s “I believe in the sun, though it be dark. mysterious disappearance does not delight us; it I believe in God, though (He) be silent.” distresses us. —Inscription on the wall of a hidden cellar in Cologne Kathryn Greene-McCreight is a pastor who suffers where nine Jews hid during the dark days of World War 2. from bipolar disorder. She describes her experience as “a cycling back and forth between painful lows and exhilarating or fearsome highs with a dramatic bungee-like effect that is never thrilling. It’s more like an ordinary tennis ball bouncing from floor to ceiling and back again”.1 She finds some solace by reflecting on Isaiah’s Bible’s presentation of God as “a God who hides himself”.2 This distressing and depressing experience of God’s presence—now found, now forsaken—is the experience of many faithful believers. Theologian Samuel Terrien understands this bewildering oscillation between the 1 Kathryn Greene-McCreight, Darkness Is My Only Companion (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 2015), 41–42. |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 1 2 Ibid., 32. 3 Samuel Terrien, The Elusive Presence (New York, NY: Harper, 1978), xxvii, 6. 4 https://humanistseminarian.com/2021/04/04/i-believe-in-the-sun-part-v-the-source/

Events ¢ Coming Up Generation to Generation 30 OCTOBER 2021 MCS Careers ¢ Join our team The MCS Communications department is looking for a DIGITAL MEDIA STRATEGIST  Do you love connecting with people, have lots of creative ideas, and want to help to tell stories of Methodists and Christians in Singapore?  Can you plan and create digital content for a wide audience?  Are you able to help Methodist Message go digital?  Can you create videos and podcasts?  Are you familiar with Search Engine Optimisation (SEO)? Check out details for this job opportunity at https://tinyurl.com/dmsatmcs or scan the QR code >> ABOUT MCS The Methodist Church in Singapore (MCS) is a connectional church comprising the General Conference, three Annual Conferences, local churches, and various agencies and organisations. The General Conference (GC) is the highest body of the MCS, responsible for legislation, policy, and the overseeing of its various agencies, including the programme agencies responsible for education, missions, and welfare services. w w w. m e t h o d i s t . o r g . s g

Church Life ¢ TRAC Highlights Rev Benjamin Fong is Vice-Chairperson of the Young Methodist Leaders Conference (YMLC) Committee / Photos courtesy of YMLC Young Methodist Leaders Conference 2021 A return to our roots H aving started in the year 2000, the organising Rev Wendy committee for the Young Methodist Leaders Tay, Conference (YMLC) looked forward to planning a Chairperson special 20th anniversary edition of the conference for the of the YMLC June of 2020, a YMLC that would revisit its original roots. Committee (left), But with large-scale gatherings of any sort prohibited with Rev through much of 2020, much less overseas travel, the Benjamin YMLC went on a year’s hiatus for the first time. Undaunted, Fong and the committee resolved to run the conference in June the YMLC 2021. Amidst the prevailing measures of Phase 3 of participants the reopening, a plan was put in place for an in-person conference, and it appeared as though we were back on This included explorations into the Wesleyan doctrine track. But a new cluster of infections emerged in May and cultivation of Christian perfection, which served as 2021, and Phase 2 (Heightened Alert) came knocking six the foundation for exploring the difference Christians weeks before the conference was scheduled to be held. are called to make in the world. Three young panellists The conference had to pivot to an online programme, were invited to share how they enacted holy love in another unintended (and unwelcome?) first for the YMLC. the context of societal issues with whatever God had already given them. Guest facilitators were also invited Planning the conference amidst a pandemic has forced to help the delegates dream and ignite conversations the committee to wrestle with hard questions about that opened minds to the realm of possibilities available what the non-negotiables and distinctives of the YMLC to the Church in enacting the Kingdom of God. are. Our soul searching led us to two distinctives that we felt were crucial to the YMLC brand: firstly, the One consistent fruit of the YMLC has been the discernment intentional mentoring within mentor groups; and of the call into full-time ministry, and this served as part secondly, responding to the presence of God. of the broader call to live lives surrendered to God’s holy love. Breakout rooms were created and themed based These two distinctives served to crystallise many of the on different aspects of ministry, and delegates were decisions that were being made, and to a large extent encouraged to wander these rooms and ask the questions shaped the conference and its programme. Because they’ve always wanted to ask about full-time ministry. mentor groups were non-negotiables, time and virtual space had to be carved out for sharing and fellowship The team serving on the livestream had to adapt to within smaller groups rather than as a large plenary. The ministering over a camera than to a live congregation. decision to keep the conference spread over three days, The ideation seminar pushed the online collaboration tool albeit without a night programme, rather than to squeeze to its limits, and a few delegates experienced technical everything within two days, was also to allow the group issues participating in the creative process. Some good dynamics sufficient time to grow. conversations arose, technical limitations notwithstanding. The second distinction of immersing delegates in the Despite the limitations of being conducted entirely online, presence of God necessitated avenues for God to speak God was still ministering to the delegates, and more through His Word and prayer. The plenaries were crafted time than expected was spent in prayer throughout the with this in mind, with speakers invited to draw the conference. Anecdotal feedback from the delegates has delegates into that conversation with God, followed by a been encouraging, and I pray that the delegates will return time of individual prayer ministry with a pastor. to ministry in their respective local churches with a renewed sense of God’s purposes for this world He loves. This year’s Conference centred around the Wesleyan doctrine of Holy Love—the love of God that perfects us A version of this article originally appeared in the July 2021 issue of OnTRAC, and enables us to love the world. This two-fold step of a publication of the Trinity Annual Conference. Reproduced with permission. experiencing the perfecting grace of God and then enacting it in our community was reflected in the plenary sessions. |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 3

Church Life ¢ Barker Road Methodist Church Rev Dr Daniel Koh is a Pastor at Barker Road Methodist Church (BRMC). / Photo courtesy of BRMC The church on the hill M ost of the time in The Methodist Church in a large number of people have lost their jobs in various Singapore (MCS), I recall that the decision industries. Measures introduced by the government in to plant a new church is usually made by an response to the pandemic has upset the daily routine and established church or an Annual Conference. The new rhythm of families. Practices like working from home have congregation first begins as a preaching point before it added stress to those with young children and aged parents becomes a local conference, i.e. an autonomous local at home where the boundaries between home and office, church. In many ways, the decision is top-down. family responsibility and work commitment are blurred. But the founding of Barker Road Methodist Church (BRMC) In the past year, BRMC has tried a combination of ways went against the “normal” practice. It was started from to promote greater awareness of mental health. A the ground, by a group of students of ACS in 1955.1 The series of four sermons, preached in the first quarter of Music Room at the old Oldham Hall was used as the 2021, focused on “Emotional Well-being”. Pre-recorded worship venue. Ten boys gathered for the first worship testimonies of some members who had struggled with service on 20 May 1956. A year later, with 24 young emotional issues and overcome their predicaments were members, the church was constituted as BRMC. shared during worship time. The various Small Groups of BRMC were provided with study guides which are aligned The church, with a membership that has grown to nearly with the sermon emphasis. The church started two direct 3,000, now has a relatively large sanctuary and different WeCare lines for members to call for help 24/7. There is halls and auditoriums in which members can gather for also a WeCare email contact which members can use for traditional and blended services in English and services advice and prayer. BRMC website carries Prayer Bulletins, in Chinese, Tagalog and Indonesian, as well as activities published every Wednesday and Saturday, which carry (when we are allowed to meet physically). short devotions and prayer pointers to encourage prayer for one another and to assist those who need help to BRMC has been instrumental in giving birth to a number pray.2 Our Counselling Centre continues to provide care of other churches, among them, Covenant Community, and counselling for those who need more specialised care. Living Waters and Holland Village Methodist Churches. It also runs the Oasis BRMC Missions, a satellite outreach BRMC has travelled through many rough roads to get to work at Bukit Batok that reaches out to heartlanders and today. But God, who called this church into being, has oversees a learning centre offering tuition for children continued to use her to preach the Gospel, bless life and of migrant parents. These children are tutored in English be alert and responsive to the vexatious challenges of and Mathematics to prepare them for enrolment into our unpredictable time. May God find us faithful, always Singapore schools. BRMC is also very involved in overseas shining as the Church on the Hill. mission works and in other Christian social outreach works that care for the poor and elderly. BARKER ROAD MC The mental health challenge (Trinity Annual Conference) One current concern which has been widely aired in 48 Barker Road S(309917) Singapore is the issue of mental health. The problem has been exacerbated by the impact of COVID-19 pandemic, www.brmc.org.sg which has threatened life and livelihood. Many businesses, including some well-established ones, have closed and [email protected] 6256-4298 |4 METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 1 According to the publication to celebrate BRMC’s 50th anniversary in 2006, p. 23. 2 http://www.brmc.org.sg/category/ministries/prayer

News ¢ Amelia Leo is a Programmes Executive at the Methodist School of Music, Worship & Church Music Department. / Screenshots courtesy of MSM The Faith We Sing 2021 For Every Season O rganised by the Methodist School of Music Subsequently, two breakout sessions were held: “Praying (MSM), The Faith We Sing (TFWS) is an annual the Psalms” by Dr Debra Rienstra (Professor of English at singing retreat that provides an opportunity for Calvin University, USA); and “Setting Psalms to Music: A congregants to go deeper into the songs of the church Sharing by Local Songwriters” (moderated by Rev Daphne and understand why we sing them. It is also a platform June Lau from Eternal Life Assembly). Dr Rienstra shared for songwriters, both local and regional, to present their why we should pray using the Psalms and how we can original compositions. pray like the psalmists of old. Participants were given three minutes to draft one prayer in a Collect form (i.e. This year, TFWS, which was held online via Zoom from 10 starting with a name for God, followed by one’s petition) to 11 Sep, featured songs by several Singaporeans and one and another three minutes to draft another one in a Indonesian. The retreat was attended by 110 participants lament form. Prayer after prayer was shared, edifying and from Singapore, Malaysia, Myanmar and the Philippines. enriching everyone in the class. One prayer that moved the class was a prayer by a participant from Myanmar: On Friday evening, the participants experienced the Psalms in a unique way. Through an evening worship, Oh! Judge or the earth! the original psalm settings were organised into various You are judge and your ways are righteous. themes that mark every believer’s journey of faith. See our unjust situation here in Myanmar Through the songs, participants felt pain and anger over So that our country may be healed the state of the world, distress over sin, the wonder of and live in the right path again. Amen. repentance and receiving forgiveness, the greatness of God’s mercy, and a believer’s endless hope. And just —Based on Psalm 94, by Salai Nay Lynn Htun (Myanmar) like in the book of Psalms, Friday’s journey ended how it began—with praise, albeit marked by the bittersweet At the songwriters’ workshop, Rev Daphne Lau had nature of the faith journey. local songwriters Nigel Goh, Eileen Lau, Paulo Caperig and Justin Chan share the stories behind their songs On Saturday morning, Dr Martin Tel (C. F. Seabrook and their creative processes, as well as tips for budding Director of Music at Princeton Theological Seminary, songwriters who are keen on building their craft. The USA) expounded on the Psalms for seasons of distress songwriters all agreed there was the need to go deep and grief. Together with his assistant Dr Melissa Haupt, into Scripture for inspiration, have a wide listening diet, Dr Tel showcased several Psalm settings from Psalms use the voice memo app ready to record ideas as soon for All Seasons: A Complete Psalter for Worship. Dr Tel as they materialise, and have objective third parties to demonstrated how lament psalms were sung and spoken, evaluate song revisions with constructive criticism. and how they could be included in various parts of a worship service. Participants joined in by reading portions This year’s TFWS was very well-received by those who of Scripture, doing sign language and singing along. attended, many of whom appreciated the space given to lament with new songs, prayers and Scriptures from the book of Psalms. Perhaps this is what our congregations need in a time of pandemic, climate change and political turmoil. Dr Martin Want to hear more locally-composed Tel leading a session on the Christian songs? Come register as a user second day of our resource portal today! 1 Martin Tel, Joyce Borger, and John D. Witvliet, Psalms for All Seasons: A Complete Visit portal.msmusic.edu.sg Psalter for Worship (Grand Rapids, MI: Faith Alive/Brazos Press, 2012). for more details. Registration is free. |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 5

News ¢ Sheri Goh is the Editor of Methodist Message. / Screenshot taken from YouTube A holistic approach to mental health Bishop Emeritus Dr Robert Solomon delivered the opening address at the Christian Mental Health Conference, which was held online from 15 to 16 July 2021. The conference was organised by Christian Mental Health Advocates, Association of Christian Counsellors Singapore & Promises Healthcare. Recordings of some of the proceedings, speakers’ slides and a mental health resources kit are available at >> W hen Bishop Emeritus Dr Robert Solomon was He brought up these two cases in his opening address doing his doctoral research at Edinburgh at the Christian Mental Health Conference to emphasise University from 1991 to 1992, he decided that there is much common ground between pastoral to focus on the topic of demon possession. He wanted care, mental health professions and psychiatry. They are to make sense of what he had seen as overlaps in his not mutually exclusive. training as a medical doctor and experience as a pastor. His research included field studies in Singapore as well Psychiatry, he pointed out , comes from “the medieval as the examination of literature in theology, pastoral Latin word psychiatria, which means healing of the care, psychiatry, psychology and cultural anthropology.1 soul. The Greek equivalent helps us to understand this even better: psyche, meaning soul, and iatreia, He recalled how, after he returned to Singapore and while meaning healing. Etymologically, the psychiatrist teaching at Trinity Theological College (TTC), two cases is the modern healer of the soul, a function that were referred to him. performed by the clergy and the healers in the Church for many centuries.” While the healing or The first was a pastor with a thriving ministry who had caring ministries have been professionalised in suddenly became very depressed. Although this pastor recent decades, the clinic and the Church should work attributed his condition to spiritual causes, Bishop Emeritus together even while they have different orientation, Dr Solomon’s training as a medical doctor helped him to methodology and perhaps even outcomes. deduce from his symptoms that this pastor was actually suffering from severe depression and needed medical intervention. Although the pastor was initially unwilling, Bishop Emeritus Dr Solomon managed to persuade him to see a psychiatrist, who subsequently prescribed medication for depression and for obsessive-compulsive disorder. He then slowly began to recover. The second was a man who was suffering from strange symptoms, which included feeling numb and “unreal” and seeing things that were not there. His symptoms were so severe that he was not able to function properly and lost his job. He sought help from a psychiatrist as well as from deliverance ministry. Bishop Emeritus Dr Solomon realised in this case that there was demonic activity, and helped the man by counselling him to keep his focus on Jesus. |6 METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021

Working together as clinic and Church As such, there is a place for collaboration and teamwork, Firstly, Bishop Emeritus Dr Solomon suggests a return such as when psychiatrists, counsellors, social workers to the Bible. “The Bible,” he reminded the participants, and pastors work together, consulting and cooperating “diagnoses the human condition and it has broad wisdom with one another. on human nature, human behaviour and motivation, and human relationships. We must understand the authority of Finally, there needs to be a way to build up referral Scripture and its relevance for today.” networks so that people can get the help they need. That is why collaborations, such as this conference, are “Centrally, the Bible speaks about God and His grace—it is important, so that those in different areas of secular or so important to appreciate, understand and apply this in church helping ministries can work together to help those our pastoral or healing craft. Without God’s help and His in need to connect with appropriate resources. grace, we would not make any major headway in bringing healing to people.” No clear-cut lines One of the participants asked: “What are the differences Secondly, he says, “there must be a mutual appreciation between pastoral care, pastoral counselling and of each other”. He explains: “For pastors, there must be an professional counselling? How do these differences play appreciation of medicine, psychology, sociology and so on. It out in shepherding the different people of the Church?” is in appreciating those areas of knowledge that perhaps we can understand how we can work together.” And for mental Bishop Emeritus Dr Solomon acknowledged that the health professionals, “there must also be an appreciation of differences are not—and do not need to be—so clear- Christian theology and pastoral care, the role of sacraments, cut. While secular professional counselling has a much the role of worship and the Christian community”. more focused perspective, such as dealing with specific presenting problems, such as anxiety or marital issues, Thirdly, there must be “an integrated and holistic approach pastoral counselling might involve a more personal to helping people”—we are at the same time “embodied relationship between the pastor and the one being beings, social beings and spiritual beings”. He used an counselled. Pastoral care, in his opinion, takes a broader analogy of a bad-sounding piece of music: “The piano and more spiritual perspective in shepherding the soul. strings might need turning, or there could be something wrong with the score, or the pianist might not be a skilled “But,” he emphasises, “we must not go away with neat player. A presenting problem may have to be looked at silos for each.” This, he says, would dissuade us from from different angles.” Different people, he says, need to working together to help those with complex issues. work together to try to resolve the presenting problem. In secular situations, when it may not be possible to share the Gospel or refer to Scripture, Bishop Emeritus Dr Solomon reminded the participants, “you may not be able to be overt in testifying or using words to mention God, but you can in your deeds, exemplify Christ. We can still be ambassadors of Christ in different ways. If you can’t speak, you can act; you can show in your attitude. Even if you are in a secular setting, it makes a lot of difference if you have a prayerful attitude before the person comes in, while you are speaking to the person and after the person leaves.” “In the way that you pay attention, in the way that you exercise kindness, generosity and gentleness, I think that we are representing God, and I am sure it will have an effect.” 1 His thesis was subsequently published as Living in Two Worlds: Pastoral Responses to Possession in Singapore, Studies in the Intercultural History of Christianity (Frankfurt, Germany: Peter Lang, 1994). |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 7

News ¢ Jason Woo is the Communications Executive at MCS Comms. Breaking the silence Conversations about sexuality with your children I f the thought of your child asking you questions According to Dr Cheah, even though most youths would about the human genitalia makes you squirm, you prefer to confide in friends and peers, parents remain are not alone. You would be a parent who would important adult figures whom they would approach. “Of have benefited from the talk, “Breaking the Silence: those who speak to the adults, mothers account for 33 Conversations about Sexuality with Your Children” by Dr per cent of those who youths would turn to while fathers Cheah Fung Fong on 14 Aug 2021. take up 16.8 per cent,” she said. Dr Cheah, Vice President of the Trinity Annual Conference However, Dr Cheah advised parents to start early as and a medical doctor by training, conducted the hour- anecdotal evidence shows puberty is now starting at a long Zoom presentation in an event organised by the younger age. In fact, girls may experience it as early Chinese Annual Conference (CAC) Board of Family Life as 11 or even younger. It does not help either that the (BoFL). No stranger to talking about the birds and mass media, social media, the internet and even video the bees to her three children, Dr Cheah not only games bombard children with unsavoury messages that masterfully packaged the topics into bite-sized and either give a distorted picture of sexual relations or easy-to-comprehend pieces but also weaved in a biblical hypersexualise the genders. perspective that Christian parents would find invaluable when engaging their kids on sexuality matters. So what is the Christian parent to do? Matters of sexuality, according to Dr Cheah, cover a broad Being comfortable, connected and consistent spectrum from puberty, boy-girl relationships, masturbation, In this age where information is readily and easily casual sex to subjects like gender identity and lesbian, gay, available with just a Google search, Dr Cheah reminded bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) issues. her audience that there are few barriers to getting facts relating to teen or youth sexuality. Some statistics Dr Cheah shared were both eye-opening and startling. Despite this, Dr Cheah emphasised that what needs to change is the parents’ level of comfort and confidence In 2009, The Straits Times reported that the average age when discussing sexuality matters with their children. when youth in Singapore had their first sexual encounter Rather than shying away from such conversations, parents was 11, and more than half of them had three or more must be on a lookout for teaching moments to bring their partners. More than a decade later, the youth sexuality and messages effectively across to their kids. premarital sex scene has grown worse. Dr Cheah highlighted that 4 per cent of 13- to 15-year-olds had encountered Another area that Dr Cheah recommended for parents to pornography when they were nine or even younger; 88 per work on is being connected and current with whatever cent of them accessed such content through smartphones. their children are interested at that point in time. Meaningful communication can then take place since The exponential rise of youths in Singapore who are parents would be able to speak to their children on their saddled with their own sexuality doubts and issues is level and hopefully impress on them a wholesome biblical cause for alarm. It has made the need to engage our framework which can then act as their guide to life. children on such matters more urgent by the day. |8 METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021

An example that Dr Cheah brought up was the movie to start the journey early to seed God’s positive messages adaptation of Beauty and the Beast, which included a on sex in their children’s lives. homosexuality theme. If the children are equipped with a sound biblical worldview, they would then be able to She offered three Ms that parents can instil into their kids’ come up with an appropriate Christian response in the minds: “Master, Mission, Mate”. With this, the young ones face of such influences. will come to know and acknowledge God as their Master who has given each of them a Mission or a purpose in Listen, listen and listen their lives and that He knows it is not good to go it alone Traditionally, the Asian family structure featured a top- so to each one He would send a Mate to journey with down communication dynamic between parent and child. them in fulfilling that Mission. This has to change in response to the times, particularly when children enter their teens. In this way, children will have a coherent structure that will be of help in looking at sexuality issues like the “I always tell my audience there are three important sanctity of sexual relations or how to engage the opposite things that make up effective communication. First, it is to gender through God’s eyes. listen. Second, it is to listen. The third, you guessed it, is to listen,” emphasised Dr Cheah. She went on to illustrate More importantly, according to Dr Cheah, what parents the GLAD model of “Give full attention. Listen with eyes must ultimately do is to have their children ground their and ears. Ask questions. Don’t lecture”. individual identities in God. Young people must grow up with a clear picture of their relationship with God and how Give full attention God sees them—as His children. Listen with your eyes and earsCommunication Skills “Ephesians 1:5 says, ‘And before the world was made, God decided to make us His own children through Jesus Ask questions Christ,’” said Dr Cheah. “And once our children know who they are, and that they belong to Christ, then all the other D on’t lecture things will flow from their lives.” For updates and information on similar events and talks, follow the Chinese Annual Conference Board of Family Life’s Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/CACBOFL/ Ear Ten Eyes: Love, Sex, and Marriage BIBLICAL WISDOM FOR PARENTS King 100% attention, focus mcaIhlnnaioonaiArdlvrtbradrehisdspear,ihoeergsysaernqeboebc,uiuxaitosnaai,bocwtgneaokeadxonulfleparrdtaportoni,kpmoemsdeDprednyardutroorhanirCagtsbeisoscahroua?muhgeurpeeaYetethsheodftoytrhli.Ff,osiaektmuahaeamntorngtpawteidhunsFbetbgspooiabeosnctgrlapgaoitemcylncso,kaveufliyeftnlowetotrfiusurmaoysarrtroeteulacidu,oathvrbhntyiiiicloaesobdhutwnlwiiih,?lcfsideetlaohelavlboeuo, ur t Help! MifncsaCiopnmhtnehiesifaelaetikrherMyees.Frn,eucatsnhethgoseC.dFhioiAsrsnitsdfgitCeriimahesnpuablrpycemahliinreeeivdnvnoietclSrivanieilngnddgwfaoianpocirttockohrhsrefihaloadonrnprmdedsnaftatr’hsienoeqdmnuDiein6nnistFtarimesily One Heart: HMoywCDLhooilvdIeTA,abSlkoexuto,t For more parenting resources, visit biblical-parenting.org. Marriaagned Wholeheatedly The GLAD model V9223 “Very often, despite what we think, our kids already know Cheah Fung Fong what are the right things to do. As parents, we should play the role of a mirror that asks them questions and For a more detailed read on Dr Cheah’s advice on how allows them to think and reflect upon themselves. As a to engage your children in conversation over sexuality result, you will be surprised that the solution that you matters, you can download a free copy wanted to offer them will actually be coming out of their of her Help! How do I Talk to My Child mouths,” said Dr Cheah. “And when it comes out of their About Love, Sex, and Marriage. own mouths, it becomes so much more effective because Scan the QR code for your copy >> they will take their own advice.” 1 Straits Times, 25 Oct 2009. Seeding God’s messages 2 Touch Cyberwellness Study that included 921 students aged 13 to 15. “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is The report was quoted in The Straits Times, 8 Sep 2019. old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). Parents should do likewise when it comes to schooling their children on how God views their sexuality. Dr Cheah advised parents |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 9

People ¢ Sheri Goh is the Editor of Methodist Message. / Photos courtesy of Jenny Teo “Where does it hurt? And how can I help?” IN MEMORY OF Josh Isaac Ng Jenny and Josh Josh’s baptism when he was 12 years old O n the morning of 25 June 2018, Jenny Teo woke also interested in making movies—he enlisted his school up to find her only child, Josh Isaac Ng, lying friends, his mother and their domestic helper to act in lifeless on the sofa in the study of their home. He his amateur films, which came with sound and visual was barely 21, and he had taken his own life. effects that he, as an avid amateur movie producer and director, added himself. Jenny’s pain is palpable as she relates how she found her son’s body; how she called for an ambulance; how He was a funny and humorous child who never failed to she was instructed over the phone to do CPR on him make his mother laugh. “He was my Mr Bean,” she recalls while waiting for help to arrive; and how, when he with a laugh. That was also why she chose the name was pronounced dead, she was so distraught the whole “Isaac” as his baptism name, as it means “laughter”. neighbourhood could hear her wailing. But she bravely shares this difficult story over and over again because When he was 12, he experienced a traumatic incident it is what drives her in her mission, as a suicide loss during which his father scolded him for two solid hours survivor, to educate the public on suicide prevention. over his exam results. That distressed him so much that he fell sick with high fever, and after that, he refused Josh: strong and courageous to go to school even after he had recovered. Instead, he started hiding behind sofas and in his wardrobe. Josh was a miracle baby who was conceived after much Jenny started seeing a drastic change in his personality difficulty and born on 13 Nov 1997. When Josh, who was and behaviour. His mental health deteriorated; he did named Bradley at birth, was baptised at the age of 12, not do well for his Primary School Leaving Examination Jenny chose the name “Joshua” because she wanted him and struggled with his studies in secondary school, to be strong and courageous like the Joshua of the Bible. particularly in Mathematics and Chinese. Jenny decided to quit her job to stay home and care for him. He was a playful and active toddler, and enjoyed music and rhythm, so Jenny enrolled him in a drum class. One Fortunately, Josh did fairly well in his Secondary 4 of her fondest memories of him is when he performed N-level examinations. He qualified for the ITE Higher a New Creation Church worship song for his drum school Nitec course, where his creative side led him to pursue performance and received a standing ovation. He was a course in games design and development. |10 METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021

Losing Josh In Dec 2018, she was connected to a TV production company who wanted to make a video about suicide By then, Jenny’s marriage had fallen apart and she, loss. The video, “Silent Cry”, was uploaded to various too, struggled with depression and suicidal ideation for social medial channels on April 2019. In September two years as she went through a difficult divorce. Josh the same year, at an event for caregivers by Caregivers had started dating a schoolmate, but following their Alliance Ltd (who had supported her after her son’s first first breakup, he fell into a depression. An extremely suicide attempt), Jenny spoke about the loss of her son reserved and introverted young man, he did not talk to suicide to a live audience of about 80 people. “I shared about his feelings even though he was overwhelmed that the best thing I ever did for Josh as his mother on with having to deal with the breakup of his family, his earth was to get him saved and baptised, because that’s own relationship issues and his enlistment in National the only hope that I can cling to now—knowing that I Service, among other things. At the time, Jenny was will be reunited with him again one day.” herself struggling to stay afloat mentally and could not support him emotionally. The day after that talk , God spoke to her. “What are you grieving?” He said. “Your son is still with you. About a year after they first broke up, the girl initiated a Every time you open up and share, he’s with you. He’s reconciliation. But after she broke up with him a second alive in you.” She then realised that to her Josh was time in Dec 2017, he was utterly devastated. In Feb 2018, not “lost”—he has become her silent partner now he attempted suicide for the first time. Even though he whenever she shares about suicide prevention based had been consulting a psychiatrist and was prescribed on her lived experience in educating the public on antidepressants, by the middle of 2018 he was in so much suicide intervention. unbearable psychological pain and felt so depreciated as a human being that he wanted to put an end to that In order to better understand more about the suicidal pain—suicide was the only way he knew how. mind and behaviour, and what Josh went through, Jenny started doing intensive research into suicidology and “When you lose someone to a disease or an illness, the found correlations between the textbook answers and doctor treating the patient will have to answer many of her “lived experience”, which eventually led her to start your questions. But when you lose someone to suicide, Stigma2Strength Singapore In Memory of Josh Isaac, a who do you ask?” Jenny recounts. After she lost Josh, ground-up educational initiative that aims to increase she was tormented with sorrow, guilt and unanswered awareness of suicide prevention by helping people to questions. It had taken her two years to recover from her understand the suicidal mind and behaviour, and reduce earlier depression, and she says it was only by the grace the social stigma surrounding the topics of suicide. of God that her grief did not cause her to fall back into it. Stigma2Strength Healing while grieving Singapore, the suicide prevent initiative that In the immediate aftermath of Josh’s death, Jenny had to Jenny founded after her go through the motions of identifying his body, planning son Josh’s suicide the funeral service and his cremation. She also had to write a eulogy and place his urn at the columbarium. |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 11 Being divorced and Josh being her only child made everything all the more difficult. She cried almost every day for many months. When she was going through his things, Jenny realised that Josh had left her several suicide notes: some were audio notes, others on his phone and some written on paper. He spoke about how tired and exhausted he was, and how he wanted to end the pain. In the adjustment stage of her grief journey, Jenny began to meet face to face with his friends, one by one, because she wanted to find out more about what her son was like when he was with them. Talking to Josh’s friends about him also helped her as she struggled to find closure while living with the indescribable pain of losing her only child.

In memory of Josh Isaac Ng “How can I help?” it may not always work for the suicidal mind or for a person who is in clinical depression. It will simply cause Most people do not want to talk about depression and them to feel more alienated. “And if you don’t try to suicide because they are considered taboo subjects. But understand what they are going through and listen with Jenny believes that “the primary prevention of suicide empathy and compassion, they will stop opening up to lies in public education. One needs to understand the 10 you.” commonalities of suicide. These commonalities tell us Josh is the focal point in the suicide prevention work that what suicide is like on the inside and what is sensible Jenny does now. “This is my second closure,” she says. about it to the person who does it at the moment of its “As a mother, my identity has been redefined. I have a doing. It’s an aspect of thought, feeling and behaviour new purpose in life—I can still do something for my son, that occurs in almost every suicide—95 out of 100— by being his mouthpiece and helping him to say what based on contemporary suicidology. Knowledge of he couldn’t when he was still alive. And I am passionate this is crucial in empowering the parent, caregiver or about saving lives so that they can live long enough to anyone in suicide intervention during crisis situations. hear the gospel of Christ and be eternally saved, if they For example, a common stressor of suicide is frustrated haven’t already, because it is not God’s will that any psychological needs. To help a suicidal person, you should perish.” need to fulfil those needs. In the case of unbearable That is why, for the Stigma2StrengthSingapore, Jenny has psychological pain—the common stimulus of suicide— chosen a slogan based on the parable of the lost sheep: you need to reduce the pain.” “One life lost is one too many, one life saved is all worth it”. “Suicide is so complex,” she explains. “It’s not only multi-faceted and multi-dimensional, it’s also multi- Jenny, Josh and his grandmother disciplinary involving elements that are psychological, biological, sociological, epidemiological, philosophical, pharmaceutical, theological and physiological… There is no single cause. Suicide prevention starts with understanding the suicidal mind, and especially on behavioural clues.” For young people who are struggling, Jenny implores, “Please stay. Even if it’s just for one more day, every day.” Suicidal thoughts are transient; they last for hours and days, not months or years. But it is difficult for the suicidal person to “see” beyond the day or, for that matter, the next half an hour. They need someone to help them to get through the crisis, to widen their mental blinders and not dwell on their constricted mind of thinking that suicide is the only solution to their intense suffering. And if someone asks for help, she says that the best thing we can do is to ask them: “Where does it hurt? How can I help?” The way to help is to address the pain, reduce the pain and then redefine the pain. We need to empathise with them instead of rationalising their pain or telling them to pray more, read the Bible more, speak in tongues more, pray more or go to church more as 1 https://youtu.be/s7D4dlv0ldw 2 Suicidology is the scientific study of suicidal behaviour, the causes of suicide and suicide prevention. 3 www.facebook.com/S2SJJ |12 METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021

People ¢ Ashley Ho is the Social Media Executive at MCS Comms. / Photo courtesy of Matthew Visuvasan To walk by faith, not sight M atthew Visuvasan, 66, was diagnosed with Matthew also received encouragement and help, not only retinitis pigmentosa, a debilitating eye condition, from SAVH volunteers and staff, but also from members in 2012. Matthew, who worked as a teacher’s from his home church, Cairnhill Methodist Church. His church aide at Anglo-Chinese School Junior, realised then it was mates would bless his family by buying and delivering hereditary as his late father had suffered from blindness. groceries as well as giving him lifts home. Matthew felt comforted that his church family kept a lookout for him. Matthew’s vision issues slowly compounded as he became colour blind. He was referred to the Eagle Eye Meanwhile, the Lord constantly provided for Matthew Centre where Dr Julian Theng, the father of one of his through monetary aid from different organisations that students, went out of his way to help Matthew and he often came in time to alleviate his financial pressures. underwent eye cataract surgery. Matthew shared that although his eyes have not got Even with the operation, Matthew’s condition did not any better despite regular medical intervention, God improve and he soon found himself losing his night has sustained his poor eyesight for the past six years in vision. Eventually stricken with night blindness, he was contrast to many with similar eye conditions who have forced to retire earlier than he expected. totally lost their vision, some within a year. Matthew was only 58 when he lost his livelihood. It “During the difficult times, I go to the Lord and draw was extremely tough on Matthew as he was the family’s closer to Him. I cannot read the Bible, but I have a sole breadwinner. His wife was a homemaker while hearing device to listen to the audio Bible. As I approach their two children were polytechnic students. the Lord, I feel joy and see wonderful things, that the angels of the Lord are with me wherever I go. That is Matthew broke down and cried for many days because when I feel closest to God,” Matthew testified. of his financial situation. He had some savings, but they was not enough. He felt lost and stranded. “There was once the Lord prompted Hebrews 13:5 to comfort me. ‘Never will I leave you or forsake you’ is the However, God was with Matthew all the while. As one verse that I hold on to till today.” door closed, He opened another through the Singapore Association of the Visually Handicapped (SAVH). In parting, Matthew would like to encourage others Going to the SAVH day-care centre from Mondays to who are going through tough situations. He said, “When Fridays, Matthew re-learnt everyday activities, such as one is desolate, you can get depressed easily and the recognising currency notes through touch and learning thoughts can kill. Ask the Lord to overcome the evil where and how to place his utensils. one, to overcome your unbelief and take out all those negative thoughts. Run to Him, for He is where you can find peace that surpasses all understanding.” |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 13

People ¢ Carolyn Tan is a teacher and mother to two boys, Dylan and Conrad. She worships at Kampong Kapor Methodist Church. / Photos courtesy of Carolyn Tan WanthneitedwhirCehofseatnrmrmasiodelyn,m,saG,bnrDedorygtlouahfne Carolyn at the KKMC organ A breast cancer story dKuereinpgincghbeumsyotthoepraapsys ttrheeattimmeents W hen I awoke on Saturday, 5 Sep 2020, the sun Sharing the difficult news had been in my room for quite a while. It was the It was difficult to break the news to my two boys. Their start of the week-long September holidays, and father had passed just three and a half years earlier it made all the difference to me as a teacher and mother. I from late-stage stomach cancer. They also clearly savoured the luxury of just lying in my bed without worry remembered my father, their maternal grandpa, who of traffic or school bells to heed. had passed from the same cancer the year before; and for my older boy, my mother’s three-year journey with I stretched out in bed, then tossed and turned a little. One colon cancer which ended in 2010. We were all too side of my body seemed stiffer somehow. On performing familiar with cancer in our family. a self-examination, I found a palpable lump in my left breast. I wasn’t too worried; many of my friends had had In all, I waited nine days to speak to them. I needed time lumps that turned out to be benign. Besides, both my to understand the extent of the disease, the prognosis and parents and my husband had passed from cancer—surely the treatment for the months ahead. When I finally told it wouldn’t hit my family yet another time. them, I took extra effort to explain that my disease was distinctly different from their father’s and grandparents’. Nonetheless, I arranged for a full medical health screening. They remained calm and we all shared a good hug after It had been some time since I’d had one done. that. Since then, they have remained objective and strong, trusting in God for the positive outcomes of my journey. On 23 Sep, my doctor, a breast cancer specialist, examined the mammogram scans and performed an Chemo begins ultrasound. He gently informed me that from its irregular I was familiar with what a chemotherapy treatment room appearance, it was highly likely that I had early stage looked like, having supported my mother and husband breast cancer. A biopsy sample sent to the lab later during their time in those rooms. Now that it was my turn, I confirmed his suspicion. PET and CT scans helped assure did not feel that it was anything fearful, but there was quite us that it was Stage 2A. a bit of administration to see through, detailed briefings on side effects of each drug, and advice for managing my I couldn’t believe it. I told God that He had a bad sense diet. Though I had some of my closest Christian friends of humour. present with me, and my phone saw constant messages |14 METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021

of care and prayers from various loved ones, I felt sudden But most of all, I clung to God. He made Himself real pangs of longing for my husband to be around, to be a to me so many times. I treat God as a person near me, second ear, and to see to the administrative matters. a constant companion. My prayers are more informal like conversations, and I can start one at any time and The first treatment took longer than expected because anywhere. When the worries come, I surrender it to God, my veins were thin, and constricted. As such, the infusion or ask Him to lessen the pain. could only be done at a slow pace so as not to cause pain and distress in my arm. I was so grateful for the presence Taking care of our temples of friends. The gratitude I had continued upon returning I’m happy to say that I’m cancer-free now. I’ve got a few home when some church friends brought a sumptuous more cycles of targeted treatment to go. The final one home-cooked dinner for my boys and me. takes place in January 2022. This treatment has few side effects, but those from chemotherapy still linger. I have The chemotherapy treatments were rough because they constant aches in my hands and feet, and my strength and brought so much fatigue, which meant a lot of rest stamina are significantly less than before my diagnosis. was needed. I also felt nausea and lost my appetite for I’m trying my utmost to ramp up exercise and keep well much of the first part of each cycle, and was prone to so that I can return to feeling more like my normal self. diarrhoea. During the second cycle in particular, I lost so much water my body got dehydrated. I awoke one I would encourage everyone to go for routine health morning feeling like I was falling through the middle checks as recommended by the experts. The earlier of my bed. I had to clutch the sheets with my hands cancer is detected, the more treatable it is. and feel the pillow under my head in order to realise I was on the verge of hallucinating. It was totally We should take care of ourselves, eat well, sleep well, disorientating. Eventually, my doctor was better able to and get some exercise in between. Our bodies are prescribe specific medications for the side effects that temples of the Holy Spirit within us. If we don’t take care affected me in particular, and things stabilised in the of our bodies, how can we do the work God has entrusted subsequent cycles. us? When chronic illness strikes, at least I know I’ve done my best to take care of the body God has given me. I Feeling the ill side effects definitely caused me misery. At hope you do too. my lowest moments, I wondered why God hadn’t let me fall ill with my husband by my bedside. Why couldn’t He have allowed my mum’s presence, or my dad who would readily buy any foods I would want? God hasn’t given me an answer but I suppose I will find out the reason one day. Helping myself, and allowing others to help me I started a blog to keep track of the progress of my treatment, and to record thanksgivings. I stayed open to visitors coming in regularly because even though I was often tired, they would always bring comfort and cheer, and sometimes say a prayer. During the times I felt frustrated with what God was Photo by Jemanci Portrait putting me through, He surrounded me with his army of angels—my sons, siblings, cousins, friends and church “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, mates and colleagues—to remind me that He was in for I am your God; I will strengthen you, charge, and that He would see me through. I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” This army of God provided all sorts of help. My older boy administered booster shots for immunity. My younger (Isa 41:10) one gamely experimented in the kitchen, whipping up meals for us. Apart from visits to my home and to the hospital, other family and friends accompanied me for walks, wig-shopping, art-jamming and even a photo shoot. Most of all, they shared with me their precious time and companionship and so I never did feel that God had abandoned me. This article originally appeared at https://kkmc.org.sg/a-breast-cancer-story. |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 15 Reproduced with permission.

Opinion ¢ Deputy Senior Pastor Chua Seng Lee (Bethesda Bedok-Tampines Church) has spent more than two decades working with youth and young working adults. He was the Chairman of National Youth Mentoring Steering Committee for four years, and the co-organiser of the inaugural Christian Mental Health Conference in July 2021. Ps Chua first spoke about the above topic at a prayer meeting on 24 July 2021, organised by praying parents concerned about the youths of Singapore. The content has been adapted for clarity. The heartbreaking truth about the emotional state of our youths —and how we can pray for them I ’d like to highlight some statistics on the numbers of You can see this in the long queues to see a counsellor in cases of suicide among the youth in Singapore. schools. I spoke to a university student recently, and he told me that to make an appointment with a school counsellor, There were 30 recorded suicides last year among those aged there’s a two-month wait list. There’s also the same long 10 to 19—the highest figure in 29 years of documentation queue in our hospitals, and in private practice. by the Samaritans of Singapore. There are signs that the figures for 2021 could be just as high. There was a school where a student committed suicide. We asked the classmates how they felt about the person who There’s obviously a link between the mental health of our had passed on. They shared with us that they felt that she youth and suicide. When the mental health of our youth is was so brave to dare to take her life. not good, they will be more susceptible to suicide ideation. In a charity I’m involved with, we did a survey of more This saddened us. To the minds of some young people, than 1,000 young people. In one of the questions, we put suicide is being glorified, such that they think that suicide forward this statement: “Taking my life is not an option for is a good thing. failure—I will not take my life because of any problem.” Of the young people who responded, 21 per cent did not To compound the situation further, COVID-19 has imposed agree with this statement. That means that one in five severe constraints on people globally, leading to isolation respondents consider that suicide is an option. and depression. Mental wellness has become an important issue, and it will be even more so going forward. To check the findings, we redid the survey and pumped the sample size up to 8,000 young people in Singapore—and Do watch out for our youths. With what happened at River the percentage remained the same. Valley [High School], there will certainly be some impact on other school-going students as well. Do look out for them, There are a lot of people seeking help today, because and for one another. many people are affected, emotionally and mentally. |16 METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021

If you know anyone struggling, you can direct them to: They need emotional healing. We need to pray for God to heal those who are stressed out. Hotlines: • SOS 24-hour hotline: 1-800-221-444 The sources of stress that young people are facing • Care Corner Counselling Centre: 6353-1180 come from three sources: One is themselves, their self- • Care Corner Parenting Support: 6235-4705 perception, their expectations of themselves. The second • IMH Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222 (24-hours) is from others—from parents or peers or teachers or tutors. The third source would be external: Events, circumstances, These helplines are to refer those who need immediate breakups, cyberbullying and so forth. attention. But there is another thing that we can and must do for them: We need to pray for them. I want to highlight the stress from parents, which can have a huge impact on the mental health of young people today. HOW SHOULD WE PRAY FOR OUR YOUTHS? There was a study published in 2016 that showed that children with pushy parents—tiger mums and dads—are at much higher 1. Pray that they will embrace the will of God for them risk of developing depression, or anxiety. Many of the children What the Lord laid upon my heart when thinking of all these of our younger generation are suffering from this. mental health conditions among the younger generation is that we need to pray for young people – that they will So pray for healing, pray for reconciliation. Pray for discover their calling. parents—even yourself—to relearn our parenting styles and not be a pushy parent. “For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God 3. Pray that they will enjoy the presence of God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the We need to pray for a great outpouring of the Holy Spirit to usher in the Presence of God into every school in Singapore. wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives.” We need to pray for a great response to the Presence of (Col 1:9) God, calling forth faith among believers, resulting in real salvation of our youth. This is what God told me: People will suffer when they find life meaningless, purposeless. The scheme of the devil is to 4. Pray that they will encounter God with open hearts come to steal, kill, and to destroy them; to make them feel We need to pray for a new openness to God. Both for those who hopeless, to make them feel meaningless. never knew Him, but even for those who once believed in Him. Instead, they need to discover the will of God in their The 2020 Census suggests that many young people who life, with spiritual wisdom with understanding, because grew up in church are leaving the Christian faith. The church knowing the will of God will help them to be fruitful, rather needs to pray that many of those who grew up in church will than struggling with the meaning of life. be open to God again. They need to encounter God afresh. They need to discover the destiny they have in Jesus. We need to pray for a new openness of heart to see that God They need to know that they have a purpose. That there is faithful even in their pain and struggle. We need to pray is meaning in life. Not to pursue the agenda of the world, that youths will come to the knowledge of Jesus as Lord and but the agenda of God, the will of God. Oh, that they will Saviour, as the only true source of hope and salvation. not live for the petty things of this world, but that they will arise to answer the call of God for their generation! That Salvation—hope not just in eternity, but even in the here they will live life with a sense of destiny and purpose as and now. Hope knowing that they can find peace in His they embrace His will for their lives! Presence, that they can find help by His healing, that they can find purpose in His will. That’s what will give this next generation hope—yes, hope. We are praying for hope for them. 2. Pray that they will experience the healing of God Will you join me in praying these prayer pointers regularly Of course, in particular, we need to pray for those in River for this next generation? Valley High School traumatised by the incident. Not just in River Valley High School, but in every school and campus, They need help, hope and healing in a confusing world that is where many are feeling the pain of the incident. full of pain. Most of all—they need to know Jesus for themselves. But this incident is just the tip of the iceberg, especially during 1 https://saltandlight.sg/news/pastors-and-mental-health-professionals- this period where mental health issues are on the rise. We need to-gather-for-first-ever-christian-mental-health-conference/ to pray that God will heal our youths, body, soul and spirit. 2 https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/kids-of-pushy-parents-face- higher-risk-of-depression This article was first published at https://saltandlight.sg/education/the-heartbreaking-truth-about-the-emotional-state-of-our- youths-and-how-we-can-pray-for-them. Republished with permission.  |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 17

National Day Awards 2021 ¢ Congratulations! Methodist Message congratulates the following who have received the 2021 National Day Awards: CHURCHES SCHOOLS Fairfield Methodist School (Primary) Mdm Hou May Wah Sandra Anglo-Chinese School (Junior) The Commendation Medal Aldersgate Methodist Church Mr Richard Chris Chia Chee Weng Mr Leong Jenn Yeoong The Public Administration Medal (Bronze) Mr James Chong Kok Chiang The Commendation Medal The Long Service Medal Ms Teh Meijie, Jerine Ang Mo Kio Methodist Church The Commendation Medal Mdm Jansen Maureen Anne Mr Chan Meng Piow The Long Service Medal The Public Service Medal Ms Tan Su-Ping Geylang Methodist School (Primary) The Long Service Medal Mr Kim Seah Teck Kim Mr Kim Seah Teck Kim The Public Service Star The Public Service Star Mr Koh Boon Hock Colin The Long Service Medal Ms Lim Chew Yen Joylynn Christ Methodist Church The Commendation Medal Mdm Jennifer Teoh Boon Pei Mr Lim Fong Twong The Public Administration Medal (Silver) The Long Service Medal Mdm Loh Puay San Anglo-Chinese School (Barker Road) The Long Service Medal Ms Chan Pao Yin Mr Ng Kok Foo Geylang Methodist School (Secondary) The Commendation Medal The Commendation Medal Mr Tay Yew Kuan Kelvin The Commendation Medal Ms Woo Lai Wan Rita Mr Wong Chiew Mun Timothy The Long Service Medal The Long Service Medal Mdm Norhamidah Bte Hassan The Commendation Medal Mr Chua Wee Kiat Mr Lim Jit Peow The Long Service Medal The Long Service Medal Mr Yeo Wee Pung The Long Service Medal Ms Yeo Pei Lin Phyline Mr Tan Whye Wee Jeffrey The Long Service Medal The Long Service Medal Mdm Khoo Siew Huay Doris The Long Service Medal Faith Methodist Church Mr Ho Chin Han Alexis @Lee Vincent Ms Cheng Siow Yee The Long Service Medal Mr Wee Tat Chuen The Commendation Medal Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) The Long Service Medal Mr Foo Kam Meng Paya Lebar Methodist Girls’ School Ms Lim Soh Tee Eunice The Commendation Medal (Primary) The Commendation Medal Anglo-Chinese School (Primary) Mdm Ong Poh Geok Mdm Chan Wai Kin The Commendation Medal Mrs Soo-Ng Geok Ling The Commendation Medal The Long Service Medal Mdm Josephine Wong Mdm Norharyati Bte Harun The Long Service Medal Pasir Panjang Tamil Methodist Church The Long Service Medal Paya Lebar Methodist Girls’ School Mdm Gnanamany d/o Yacob Anglo-Chinese Junior College (Secondary) The Commendation Medal Mr Leong Jenn Yeoong Mr Tan Tiah Hui  The Commendation Medal The Commendation Medal Tamil Methodist Church Sounthira Pandian s/o Muthuraj Mdm Ong Chim Buan Mdm Kuppa Balarishnan Durka The Commendation Medal The Commendation Medal The Long Service Medal Adeline Eesvari d/o Ramakrishnan Mdm Rofiah Binti Saleh Mdm Nor Shana Bte Abdul Aziz The Long Service Medal The Long Service Medal The Long Service Medal Toa Payoh Methodist Church Mr Yeo Kirk Siang Ms Jayaram Ganga The Public Administration Medal (Silver) The Long Service Medal Dr Wong Weng Hoa Mr Lim Chee Hong The Public Administration Medal (Bronze) The Long Service Medal Trinity Methodist Church Dr Fang Mei Ling The Long Service Medal Listings of recipients and awards were as provided by the churches, schools and agencies. All information accurate at the time of printing. |18 METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021

Reach Out ¢ Welfare Services By the Methodist Welfare Services (MWS) Communications Team / Photos courtesy of MWS Help more like Miko Josephine and Miko believe in tomorrow J ust two years ago, it would have been unimaginable Helping the low-income group find a way out for 44-year-old Miko Lew, a single mother supporting of poverty three children and elderly parents-in-law, to be where The MWS FDP is a proprietary poverty alleviation she is today. Her husband had walked out on the family. programme focused on asset-building, and targets low- Without a job or savings back then, her debt mounted income families in the bottom 10 per cent household and Miko spiralled into depression. Unable to deal with income group in Singapore. The primary aim of the the pressure, she approached MWS Family Development programme is to create sustainable positive change by Programme (FDP) and met Josephine Lim, a volunteer. increasing the net worth of families through debt and savings matching. The programme provides holistic “Miko used to avoid opening her mail. She was afraid of support through counselling and casework, befriending seeing bills because she had no way of paying them. I and financial literacy training. worked with her to prioritise the ones to pay, and sought waivers wherever possible,” said Josephine. For every $1 contributed by the families to reduce debt or to add to their savings, MWS will match with $2. With the help of MWS through Josephine, Miko gradually Since the programme started in April 2016, MWS FDP has cleared $2,000 in debts within seven months. She then empowered over 500 families. Those families who have progressed to saving, receiving $2 from MWS for every been released from debt have experienced significantly $1 she saved on her own. less stress and anxiety, and gained emotional capacity and cognitive bandwidth to plan for the future. Her resolve was further tested in mid-2021 when her salary as a receptionist in the wellness industry was While we celebrate the growing number of families affected due to the COVID-19 pandemic. When her we have the privilege to empower, available funds youngest daughter was issued a quarantine order, Miko for this programme are projected to run out by April had to take two weeks of unpaid leave to isolate with 2022. As there is no government funding for this her daughter. With Josephine’s support, Miko not only programme, MWS relies entirely on donations to keep stuck to her savings plan but also managed to pay all this programme going. Let us love our neighbours her bills punctually despite the financial and emotional and be a blessing by donating generously today. Your pressures she was facing. support is critical to helping more individuals like Miko build a sustainable future—through MWS FDP and other “Being on the MWS FDP has given me great peace of mind life-empowering programmes run by MWS. because I have Jo to journey with me, and emergency savings to fall back on should I ever need. There will Scan the QR Code or visit https://mws.sg/ still be challenges in the days ahead, but I believe I will product/let-more-believe/ to find out more. be able to secure a brighter future for myself and my children because I’m not alone,” shared Miko. |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 19

ACS (International) Admissions Seminars for 2022 ACS (International) Singapore is a Pre PSLE Seminars distinctive international secondary school open to all Singaporeans & 1 October, 2pm other nationalities, offering an all- round English-based education for RSVP [email protected] students aged 12 to 18 years leading to the International General Certificate of Post PSLE Seminars Secondary Education (IGCSE) and the International Baccalaureate Diploma 24 November, 2pm & 4pm Programme (IBDP). 25 November, 9am & 2pm Senior Leadership Team 26 November, 9am & 2pm Mr Gavin Kinch Mrs Tan Siew Hoon Principal Vice-Principal 27 November, 9am Mr Christopher Hayward Dr Kristopher Achter RSVP [email protected] Vice-Principal Vice-Principal Seminars will be held on Campus with school tours where possible. Virtual seminars and tours will be organized instead if there are social gathering restrictions. Attendance is limited and by reservations only. Venue: Oldham Chapel, ACS (International) 61 Jalan Hitam Manis, Singapore 278475 For earlier appointments, please contact Joseph Ng or Serene Lim at +65 6472 1477 or [email protected]

Reach Out ¢ Welfare Services By the Methodist Welfare Services (MWS) Communications Team / Photo courtesy of MWS MWS at 40 A couple give thanks for the privilege of empowering others. This year, Methodist Welfare Services celebrates 40 years of empowering life to the full. This is one of a series of stories from people who felt empowered to empower others through MWS over the years. Get involved and join MWS in empowering lives. Learn more by visiting https://mws.sg/mws40th/ S peaking with retired couple as part of its collaboration with are a wonderful couple. I used to feel 83-year old Danny and 74-year- community partners. “Some seniors no very lonely and was rather inactive. old Lois Goh, one cannot help longer know what happiness is. They Not only did they welcome me as a but feel simultaneously inspired and experience loneliness and isolation friend, they also invited me to join curious at how they can keep up their because they have lost their mobility, their Zoom vocal group lessons and zeal for volunteering. or because their social circles became treated me like family,” Anne added. smaller over the years. When we The couple first learnt about Methodist meet these seniors, chat with them, Danny and Lois’ sincerity and genuine Welfare Services (MWS) from reading sing and play our ukulele, we see how compassion have supported many like its magazine, Uncommon Voices, and their faces light up and fill with joy,” Anne, and helped them to spend their decided to step forward and volunteer. shared Lois. twilight years better. “For us, we’re In the beginning, they conducted simply blessed to be able to bring exercises for the seniors at MWS Charis Even when the COVID-19 pandemic companionship and comfort to the ACE – Geylang East (MWS Charis ACE), struck and home visits were seniors in our community,” Danny said. one of the senior activity centres under suspended, the couple learnt how MWS. “Quite immediately, we began to to keep in touch online with Anne Get Involved also reach out and befriend the seniors Tan, one of the seniors they had we met at the Centre. We believe no befriended. Anne is in her 70s and Since May 2021, MWS Active Ageing one is too old to serve, or to be a friend recovering from cancer, osteoarthritis Centre – Kebun Baru has been to those in need,” said Danny. The and depression. piloting a new Eldercare Centre couple’s friendly disposition and love Model developed by the Ministry of for people also endeared them to the “We have known Anne since 2019. Health. The focus is to reach out to quiet and shy seniors, and made many She enjoys beadwork and she’s really every senior living in the housing felt more at home. good with her hands. She also likes blocks assigned to the Centre, to singing and music and wanted to learn understand the profiles and needs of They subsequently joined MWS Charis from Danny and me, so we gave her the seniors, and to encourage them ACE’s Community Befriending Service vocal lessons. She was so enthusiastic to age actively in the community. to visit frail home-bound seniors that she even brought a keyboard! The We urgently need more befrienders vocal lessons eventually moved online for these extensive outreach efforts but she made sure she never missed across our Senior Activity Centres. any,” Lois shared. Keen to volunteer? You can do so on a regular or ad-hoc basis—all it Over time, Anne confided that the pain takes is two hours each time. Email in her legs had disappeared. Even her counsellor attested to Anne’s improved [email protected] today to mental well-being. “Danny and Lois learn more. |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 21

Reach Out ¢ Missions Dr Christopher Cheah is a member of the MMS Exco and Chairman of the MMS 30th Anniversary Task Force. / Photos courtesy of MMS MMS Celebrates 30 years of God’s faithfulness “In my faithfulness I will reward T hese words of the prophet Isaiah written almost my people and make an everlasting 3,000 years ago are being fulfilled among the covenant with them. Their descendants peoples and nations with whom Methodist Missions Society (MMS) has been working since it was will be known among the nations established on 30 Sep 1991 as the missions agency of and their offspring among the peoples. the Methodist Church in Singapore (MCS). All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed.” (Isa 61:8b–9)

MMS is planning for a 30th Anniversary Thanksgiving Service on 28 Nov 2021. It will be similar to the one we had for our 25th Anniversary MMS currently works in Cambodia, East Asia, Laos, Nepal, 30th Anniversary Thanksgiving Service Thailand, Timor-Leste and Vietnam. We praise God for peoples brought to the saving knowledge of our Lord In view of COVID-19 restrictions, instead of a fund-raising Jesus Christ, pastors trained, churches planted, schools banquet, a Thanksgiving Service will be organised to established and community development projects started celebrate God’s faithfulness to MMS over the past three in these nations. decades. It will be held at Faith Methodist Church on the first Sunday in Advent, 28 Nov 2021. Bishop Dr Gordon We also praise Him for mobilising our local Methodist Wong will bring words of exaltation and the three Annual churches to pray, give and send short- and long-term Conferences will be invited to present items to celebrate missionaries and volunteers to these peoples and nations. the partnership of their local churches with MMS over Looking back over the past 30 years, the Lord has indeed the years. There will also be sharing from the mission blessed MCS through MMS, and in turn allowed His fields to testify to His goodness and faithfulness, as well blessings to flow to these peoples and nations. They are as opportunity to give towards the Little Candles School truly people the Lord has blessed! Building Project and the MMS General Fund. Stay tuned for more details regarding how you and your church can In gratitude for His blessings and to celebrate our 30th be part of this celebration. Anniversary this year, a task force comprising MMS staff and Exco members has been formed to plan a year-long 30th Anniversary Leaders’ Summit celebration from Sep 2021 to Aug 2022. To round off the year-long celebration, key leaders of 30th Anniversary Testimonies Project MMS including staff, Exco members, chairpersons, and representatives of sub-committees will gather in August To kick off the celebration, 30 testimonies and stories 2022 for a time of retreat and vision casting as we look from retired MMS missionaries and long-time volunteers back on what the Lord has done and look forward to what will be compiled into a Singaporean picture of God’s He will do in MMS over the next decade and more. We faithfulness in missions over the past 30 years. Many are pray for a fruitful time of worship, prayer, sharing and untold stories of how MMS started and MMS’ pioneering planning as we spend time hearing from the Lord of the works in these nations. The articles will appear on the Harvest on His heart for MMS and the nations. MMS website over the next few months before being compiled into a book or a digital format. Do look out for The prophet Isaiah concluded Chapter 61 with these these inspiring and heart-warming stories! words: “…the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.” As we remember His blessings on the nations through MMS over the past 30 years, may this be our prayer for the nations where MMS will be involved in for the next 30 years and beyond! |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 23

14 METHODIST MESSAGE, JULY 2013

Relationships ¢ You & your family Benny Bong has been a family and marital therapist for more than 30 years, and is a certified work-life consultant. He was the first recipient of the AWARE Hero Award, received in 2011, and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church. Calming the storms and stress of adolescence T he psychologist G. Stanley Hall coined the phrase A good starting point for parents is to remember that “storms and stress” to describe the intense no-one gets it right all the time. The task and demands interpersonal and intrapersonal turmoil that of parenting are challenging; we do not have to be nor adolescents typically experience. will ever be perfect. If we as parents are imperfect, so too will our children be imperfect. We all make mistakes; No longer children but not yet adults, adolescents are let us learn through them. neither fully dependent on nor totally independent of their parents. One of the challenges of this in-between The second point is: Let us get the basics right. A stage is around the task of identity formation. The teenage parent’s core responsibility is to love and care for our years are a time of experimentation with notions of children. Caring includes nurturing them with the right “Who do I want to become?” and “How do I want to live beliefs and values. This outweighs teaching them how my life?”  Moreover, hormonal changes as they mature to do well in school. Academic success is important physically may cause many adolescents to experience but if children know that they are loved and valued for mood and emotional swings. They may become more who they are rather than for what they achieve, then temperamental and impatient. They argue with their their sense of self-worth will not depend on their next parents over staying out later and about pursuing success or accomplishment. certain activities in search of novelty and excitement. Finally, I mentioned that we ALL can contribute to When I recall my own adolescence, I felt rather ordinary making adolescence less stormy and stressful for our and felt no need to be exceptional. This is perhaps one young. Whether a parent, a teacher, a concerned adult difference I see with today’s teenagers. Somehow, in a or a friend, we can all do our part to be more accepting social media-soaked age, where we are the focus of and supportive. For instance, praise like “Good try!” cameras big and small, real or imaginary, many feel or “Good effort!” can cheer on a struggling teenager. pressure to be exciting, engaging and certainly not lame Also, we should not just recognise accomplishments in or boring. Teenagers measure themselves constantly by studies or sports but also in the domains of the arts or tracking how many “followers” they have on social media. caring for others. The ever-present, all-seeing eye of social media and the collective commentary of others can be very crushing. It is all about what we value. If we value material possessions, then we would tend to want to get ahead In this article, I want to focus on how we can all try to of others to amass more and more. But if we value our make the teenage years less challenging. What about humanity, then all the more would we strive to make the role of parents? When our children encounter the world a more humane place. Surely, living more difficulties, many a parent will begin a soul-searching humanely will help everyone deal better with the examination of whether they had somehow failed their storms and stress of life. children. Some may look to assigning blame to the like of negative influences of friends and the media, etc. |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 25

Hymns & Songs ¢ Amelia Leo is a programmes executive at the Methodist School of Music, Worship & Church Music Department. She ministers through music at the Chen Su Lan Methodist Children’s Home and has a one-and-a-half year old daughter, Faith. Jesus Strong and Kind The Methodist School of Music (MSM) equips and edifies both the individual and the The message that our children need church through music and the performing arts. I recently came across a video interview of young adults whose parents had Find out more at msmusic.edu.sg. divorced. All the interviewees were either fresh out of school or just starting to work, yet the memories of their parents’ divorces (which had happened JESUS STRONG AND KIND when they were in primary school) were as clear as day. All the stories were different, but they had one thing in common—the divorce dealt a big blow Jesus said that if I thirst, to the mental health of these children. In one case, a young girl struggled I should come to Him. with depression and self-esteem issues for a long time, because her mother No one else can satisfy, disliked the fact that she looked like her father. I should come to Him. In an era where more than one in five marriages end up in divorce, the Jesus said if I am weak, suffering of a broken home will become the norm for many children. So many I should come to Him. of the mental health issues that our generation is facing can be traced back No one else can be my strength, to a dysfunctional homes. Why? This is because the family is God’s ordained I should come to Him. place where we learn about and form our identity. In God’s plan, it is the place where we first learn and experience God’s love, and through this, know and For the Lord is good and faithful, experience God Himself. He will keep us day and night. We can always run to Jesus; Jesus strong and kind. Where the home has failed to reveal God to children, we—as Christ-followers—need Jesus said that if I fear, to become part of their lives, so that they can learn and experience God’s love for I should come to him. them. They need to grow up in the security of Jesus, the One who is always present, No one else can be my shield; always strong and always kind. He is the only One who can satisfy. I should come to Him. (Chorus) When I first led CityAlight’s “Jesus Strong and Kind” at the chapel service of Jesus said if I am lost, Chen Su Lan Methodist Children’s Home earlier this year, it was during the He will come to me. brief period in which congregational singing (with masks on) was allowed. And He showed me on that cross The older children, who were typically reticent during chapel services, started He will come to me. (Chorus) singing along as soon as they had learnt the tune. The chaplain noticed this and asked me to lead the song again at the end of the service. Initially, I Words & Music: thought this was because of the accessible tune. But on hindsight, it might Rich Thompson, Jonny Robinson, Michael Farren, also have been the message of the song that spoke to the children: “You can always run to Jesus, He will not let you down or turn you away. He will bear Colin Buchanan (© 2019 CityAlight Music) you up even when everything around you is crumbling.” Each year, we celebrate Children’s Day in October to remember what joy and Scan the QR code to listen. blessing a child brings to the world around them. But in the midst of the celebrations, let us also remember the children who are not recognised or valued for who they are. May we emulate our Lord Jesus Christ, who opened His arms to these children and said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matt 19:14). |26 METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021

Opinion ¢ Soundings Dr Roland Chia is Chew Hock Hin Professor of Christian Doctrine at Trinity Theological College and Theological and Research Advisor at the Ethos Institute for Public Christianity (http://ethosinstitute.sg). Into the depths “Soundings” is a series of essays that, like the waves of a sonogram, explore issues in society, culture and the church in light of the Gospel and Christian understanding. T he coronavirus pandemic has presented immense It is this grace-enabled capacity to see reality more deeply challenges to people all over the world. COVID-19 and truly, to penetrate the surface and the superficial, has ruined the lives and livelihood of scores of that would give the Christian the strength and fortitude to people. Necessary public health measures such as social remain steadfast in the midst of great uncertainties. distancing have made many feel isolated and lonely, thus increasing the incidents of stress and anxiety. Without doubt, prayer is one of the most important of the Christian spiritual disciplines. As the conservative An article published in March by the Straits Times reports Norwegian Lutheran theologian, Ole Hallesby, has so that mental health professionals here are attending beautifully described it, to more cases during the past year as the Covid-19 pandemic persists. Prayer is the breath of the soul, the organ by which we receive Christ into our parched and withered Christians are not spared or immune from the anxieties hearts. As air enters in quietly when we breathe, that the pandemic has brought in its wake. However, and does its normal work in our lungs, so Jesus enters they can draw from the inexhaustible spiritual resources quietly into our hearts and does His blessed work there. found in Christianity that would enable them to cope. (In fact, numerous studies have shown that religion or In some mysterious way, God hears and answers our spirituality play an important role in mental health.) prayers, changing the present as well as the future according to his unfathomable will. Since the dawn of Christianity, Christian writers— theologians and pastors alike—have stressed the But prayer does not only change things. It also changes importance of spiritual activities such as prayer and the person who prays, transforming him in subtle but Bible study in the Christian life. In his important work profound ways as the Lord does his work in the inner on the spiritual disciplines, Richard Foster explains their recesses of his soul. significance thus: One of the defining features of stress and anxiety is the The classical Disciplines of the spiritual life call us to transient or even stable loss of the sense of meaning and move beyond surface living into the depths. They invite purpose as one’s life is tossed to and fro by the current of us to explore the inner caverns of the spiritual realm. events that are beyond one’s control. |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 27

Into the depths Faced with such circumstances, it is quite natural to be penetrate the depths of the reality that engulfs us, we find assailed by existential and theological questions. Why is this the God whose name is Emmanuel there. And the presence happening to me (to us)? Where is God in all of this? Why of the Almighty alters our vision, heals our astigmatism, doesn’t he do something to rescue us from this tribulation? and enables us to see the things that are visible only to the eyes of faith. In prayer, the believer brings these vexing questions before God. But he does so in a posture of humility as he kneels This is the experience of Jeremiah, who in the midst of in the presence of the God who is at once sovereign and the desolation of the once glorious city of Jerusalem, could loving. In prayer, the Christian is not only reminded of declare: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his own sinfulness and frailty, but also of God’s faithful his mercies never come to an end; they are new every presence even in the midst of life’s darkest moments. morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lam 3:22–23). Prayer can reduce the stress and anxieties endemic in these When these words were uttered, nothing on the surface uncertain times. By this, I don’t mean that the act of prayer has changed. The city still lay in ruins, her population itself is therapeutic. This would reduce Christian prayer to just ravaged and killed (2:12; 2:21; 4:10). But the prophet was one of the many exercises for stress relief or mindfulness. able to “move beyond the surface into the depths.” Christian prayer reduces the stresses of life because it And there he saw the merciful God, whose nature is brings us into the presence of God, in whom alone we can unconditional love—the God who is ever in control. (re)discover the meaning of our lives. In ushering us into the presence of the almighty and sovereign God, prayer 1 Eliz Wong and Natalie Tan, “More needed help during Covid-19 pandemic, slowly changes our perspective. It enables us to “see” the say mental health experts”, Straits Times, 16 Mar 2021. https://www. things that we were unable to see before because our straitstimes.com/singapore/more-needed-help-during-pandemic-say- vision was clouded by anxiety and confusion. mental-health-experts. 2 See The Mental Health Foundation, The Impact of Spirituality on Mental To recall the words of Richard Foster, prayer enables us to Health: A Review of the Literature (London, 2006). “move beyond the surface into the depths”. And as we 3 Richard Foster, The Celebration of Discipline (London: Hodder and Soughton, 1980), 1. 4 Ole Hallesby, Prayer (Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg, 1931), 12.

People ¢ Raquel Cardano is a member of Paya Lebar Methodist Church (PLMC), where her children, Rianna and Ryan, are involved in youth ministry and worship, and she and her husband, Chris, are core leaders of PLMC’s Filipino Ministry, which reaches out to unchurched Filipinos in Singapore. / Photo courtesy of Raquel Cardano M y grandfather was a Methodist pastor, and I grew up as a Methodist. At a very early age, the Bible, Sunday school, worship services, hymns and choir were a way of life for me. These brought our family together and I enjoyed them all. What does But it was only when I had experienced God in my life first-hand and accepted Jesus as my personal being a Methodist Lord and Saviour that all these became more meaningful to me.  Just as John Wesley felt his mean to you? heart “strangely warmed”, and his life was never the same after his Aldersgate experience, there was something supernatural that happened in my life that continues to transform me from inside- out. And that is what being a Methodist means to me—the personal experience of God being real in my life, having the presence of the Holy Spirit and a lifelong desire to pursue Christ-likeness.    Being a Methodist also means trying to make a difference in society and in the people around us. The saving grace and love of Christ we have received should overflow in our lives, to inspire others and point them to Jesus.      We are not able to do this alone. We need a community to help us along the journey. My church, PLMC, is one that loves and honours the King, His kingdom and His people. The PLMC vision is to be “a family blessed to bless the community and the nations”, and I am part of this family that lives up to our calling as Methodists.  

Opinion ¢ THINK Vivienne Ng is the Chief Psychologist at the Ministry of Social and Family Development. She is married to David Mok and they have three sons. They are also foster parents, and have fostered five children and provided respite for two babies over the past 13 years. She worships at Wesley MC. The mental health of our children S everal times every month, someone calls me seeking Before going on, please let me point out that this a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist for their phenomenon is happening in many developed countries child or a friend’s or relative’s child. The presenting around the world, so we should not play the blame game problems are usually school refusal, suicidal or self- here. Let us not fall prey to the fundamental attribution harming behaviour and, on occasion, violent behaviour. error by assuming it is simply a weakness in the child These are likely due to or exacerbated by an underlying or the parent. Neither should we point our finger at our depression, generalised anxiety, social anxiety, problematic schools, because they are merely microcosms of society internet gaming or a developmental disorder. These issues itself. The aetiology of youth mental health problems is preceded COVID-19 and the recent school incidents, and I complex and multi-factorial. It is often a string of events or know that mental health professionals like myself, as well a confluence of factors that results in mental health issues as government agencies, are concerned. for a particular vulnerable child. While many children from the families we work with at What can affect our child’s mental wellbeing? the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) experience a multitude of adverse childhood experiences Being immersed in a high-achieving environment like abuse, neglect, poverty and family criminality, many of Societal pressure to succeed is reflected in the school the kids my friends call me about come from loving Christian environment. In the US, children from high-achieving families and hail from high-achieving schools. True, some schools have been categorised as a high-risk group in terms children are experiencing significant family conflict and of mental health, along with children from impoverished questionable parenting; yet others have caring parents and families. US studies have found that children in high- seem to have led sheltered, non-eventful lives before the achieving schools have higher rates of anxiety, depression onset of their emotional problems. So, what happened? and rule-breaking behaviours compared to the national average. These children experience greater pressure from |30 METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021

multiple sources, including self-oriented perfectionism But if parent and child do not talk about what is which reduces their sense of autonomy, sense of happening in our lives, share feelings, resolve conflict motivation due to personal wishes, and satisfaction or discuss thorny issues on a regular basis, how can with achievements. we expect our children to turn to us when they face a serious problem or a crisis? How do we usually react Perfectionism is a two-edged sword: it helps push when they tell us bad things? one towards greater heights, but it also makes it very difficult for a child to handle failure. It can feel like Peers, social interactions and real/perceived rejection all or nothing, do or die. In addition, in high-achieving Adolescence has never been more fraught with schools, social comparison, envy and perceived parental complex social challenges. Today’s teen has to cope criticism have been found to be linked to students’ with social comparison with peers, fickle friendships, emotional maladjustment. and possibly bullying, shaming, isolation, loneliness, rejection and betrayal, often in full voyeuristic view of Existential questions peers through social media. During last year’s Circuit Breaker, a 13-year-old girl I am supporting called me on the phone out of the blue, Some kids, lacking the social communication skills to sobbing in anguish and repeatedly asking me, “What handle the complexities of teen relationships, escape is the meaning of life?” Kids caught in the never- into the world of Internet gaming. I have come across ending cycle of schoolwork, tuition classes, exams and teens who, after one bad incident with peers or a series competitions will inevitably question: “Is this all I have of innocuous exchanges, become self-conscious and to live for? Is there more to life?” Beyond solving our experience social anxiety. They subsequently withdraw immediate problems and achieving our goals, we all from real life and retreat to an online life instead, some need a meaning for our existence. As Christians, do we skipping school for months. discuss the deeper questions of life with our kids? Boy-Girl Relationships Family relationships One of my sons previously received a call from a friend Family attachments form the foundation of our safety who was at the top of a block of flats, thinking of and security from which we venture out to explore jumping after a breakup with his girlfriend. Thankfully, the world. Family relationships are as much about we were able to notify the boy’s parents and he is marital relationships as they are about parent-child fine now. At that age, a breakup feels like the end relationships. Psalm 68:5 says, “He sets the lonely in of the world. Teens may not understand that bad families.” But what if we are lonely in our own families? feelings do eventually go away and a future without their loved one is not as bleak as they think. These Many parents work long hours in high-pressure jobs. first experiences of heartbreak, coupled with an under- If they barely have enough time to sleep, how much developed frontal lobe, can cause teens to sometimes time can they carve out to spend with their children? make impulsive, risky decisions without thinking fully Also, parents who are facing relationship issues (e.g. about the consequences. marital conflict, adultery, divorce) often lack emotional availability and are less responsive to their children’s Technology needs. Research has shown that exposure to marital Research shows that problematic gaming in children is conflict and divorce puts a child at risk for emotional associated with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and behavioural problems. poor academic performance, lack of friends and poorer family relationships, among other variables. Longitudinal Parent-child communication problems studies have found that parent-child connectedness Many parents are not comfortable talking about and positive perceptions of the family environment are feelings or tough topics with their children. Most of protective against later problem gaming. our communication centres around studies (“How was your test?”), nutrition (“Did you have your breakfast?”), Escaping into gaming is an easy way for youth to instructions (“Say hi to auntie”), facts (“There is home- distract or numb themselves against negative feelings. based learning next week”) and warnings (“Better not But what starts off as a way to self-regulate emotions do that or you will get into trouble”). may become addictive, setting off a vicious circle. If a teen trying to avoid unhappy peer relations at school starts gaming late into the night, he is likely to experience |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 31

The mental health of our children sleep deprivation, exacerbating his already low mood. His Strengthen your communication with your child. sleep-wake cycle disrupted, he may find it harder to wake The channel of communication needs to be opened up up and pay attention in school, leading him to fall behind during “peace time”, so that it is functioning when we academically and become more socially isolated. This only need it most. How can we do this? provides greater impetus to keep escaping into gaming. • Preach less, listen more. Listen not just to what she What can we do? is saying but to what she is not saying. Try to identify what she might be feeling. Reflect her feelings (“You The best advice I can offer to parents in general is the feel hurt by your friend’s betrayal”) and empathise following: with her emotions (“That’s really tough”). Let us not minimise what she is going through just because we Strengthen your relationship with your child and do not understand. (Do not say things like “That is hone parenting skills. This does not happen overnight; such a small matter, why should you feel bad?”) it requires effort, skills, time and patience. • Praise more, criticise less. Kids need to know we • Adopt evidence-based positive parenting practices. are pleased with them. Use descriptive praise Let us arm ourselves with knowledge and skills on by pointing out what we are pleased with, e.g., how to correct and shape our children’s behaviours appropriate coping or help-seeking behaviour (“I without damaging their self-esteem or our am glad that you thought it through carefully and relationship with them. We cannot rely on the ways walked away from that situation, even though you on which we were raised, believing they might were tempted to do otherwise. That really takes work now. Let us have the humility to learn new strength,” or “I like it that you came to me to strategies and grow our parenting skills. discuss this issue first”), Praise effort rather than ability, performance or results. (“As long as you put • Show unconditional love. It is important that our in the effort to study and did your best, you should kids know our love for them. They need to see, be proud of yourself. Let’s leave the final exam hear and feel that they are precious in our eyes and results in God’s hands.”) that we hold a positive view of them despite their misbehaviours, mistakes and misguided notions. “Serving families for a decade and more...” 24-HR HOTLINES PAUL & DANIEL +65 8321 3355 TOLL-FREE 1800-777-2422 www.AmazingGraceFunerals.com Amazing Grace has prepared these few measures to allow families to have a meaningful and dignified farewell for their loved ones: A. Online Ticketing Complimentary online ticketing system to allow visitors to reserve a visiting time slot and plan their visits, allowing families to keep within the regulated maximum number of persons at any one time with minimal coordination. B. Online Memorial allows friends to find updated information and offer their sympathies to bereaved families C. Live Streaming this option is available to enable friends and families to participate in the wake/vigil and funeral services online D. Donations families may appoint a PayNow account of a family member to receive donations. This will be posted on the online memorial. Christian Funeral Packages • International Repatriation • Pre-Planning Seminars

• Repair ruptures. Ruptures in our relationship with of their own. I cling to our Father in heaven, who our children are inevitable, particularly when we loves them more than we as parents ever could and discipline them, take away privileges for their knows what is best for them. I cry out for their souls own good, or when we lose our cool with them. to be saved first and foremost, whatever it takes. So Rupture and repair must go together. Repairing a that the Holy Spirit who is the best Counsellor of all relationship may mean apologising if we behaved can speak into their lives. So that they can experience badly or explaining our actions once everyone has how deeply God loves them and has a plan for them, calmed down. Based on research, Gottman Institute beyond their immediate failures, disappointments, or recommends five positive interactions to off-set shortcomings. every negative one. When one of my sons was going through an oppositional phase, I had to work Work on ourselves and our relationship with our hard to ensure that every interaction did not end spouse. Use all the communication skills mentioned up as a scolding, but that we would have fun and above with our kids? Let us use them with our spouse funny interactions as well. too. Our kids learn a lot from us, especially if they witness us showing affection to our spouses, or see us • Be approachable. Children often do not turn first model good conflict management. Attending courses to parents with their problems because they are on managing marital conflict can provide us with the afraid of our response. We need wisdom as parents right skills. If you have serious personal, mental health to sit calmly with our child, hear them out and not or marital issues, please do seek professional help for over-react. Easier said than done, I know. yourself, bearing in mind that our kids are affected by us. We are all imperfect and broken in our own ways, • Be authentic. Kids need to hear more than just and we owe it to them to work through our own issues. our success stories; they want to hear about our The metaphor of “putting on your own seatbelt before authentic struggles, mistakes and self-doubt, how we overcame them, and how God saw us through our at2t4e-HndRiHnOgTtLoINyEoSur child” applies here. darkest moments. But again, the general principle is more listening and less story-telling (bite-sized PAUL & DANIEL +6E5nco8uT3OraL2Lg-F1ReEE3a 3ba5la5nced and healthy lifestyle. Research 18h0as0s-h7o7w7n-t2h4at2s2leep, exercise and nutrition strongly anecdotes unless they ask for more details). www.AimmapzaincgtGraccheiFludnreeranl’ss.comphysical, emotional and mental “Serving families for a decade and more...” wellbeing. Where we can exercise authority, and OBe invested in their snplyiroitnueallifwe,aalkf.ewHabvreiefaygeea- rs, appropriate to the age of our child, it is important to set appropriate discussions aEbaocuht weixthistietsntbiaulrdqeuness,tihoonps,es, anlidmfitesaers.g; ., how much computer time, and what time and about our spiritual walkEawcithh wGiothd iatss dwaeyllsa, sI mthuesirt fulfiltlh, ey need to go to bed. journey with the Lord. Havelividnigscufossrisoenslf oarboinutHitshwe ill; meaning of life; why there is sOufnfelyriongneanlidfee, v‘tiwl iinll sthoeon beMpoansitt,or your child and seek help early. We can read world; why there is hypocrisy evOennliyn wthheaCt’hsudrcohn; ewfhoyr Chriuspt waiblloluatst.he symptoms of depression or anxiety so Christians hold certain worldviews; what it means to live tha-tCw.Te. Sctaunddrecognise early signs and seek help. For out our faith, etc. Teens are looking for something bigger family and parenting issues, MSF will be scaling up than themselves and for a deeper meaning in life that its Strengthening Families Programme@FSCs, which transcends the grind of schoolwork and pressures of life. is currently being offered by Care Corner Singapore and Fei Yue Community Service. Online resources for As Christians, we are so blessed because we indeed parents include CPH Online Counselling (for parenting, have the answers. However, our teens have to explore, marital and divorce issues) and Mindline.sg, while Ochallenge and eventually find their own answers to SOS’s Care Text was set up recently for youth to text personal and spiritual questionnlsy olinkee li“fWe,hay fdeiwd bGroiedf yeaarsn,onymously for help. Some social service agencies allow this to happen to me oEr amcyh fwriiethndi?ts” baunrdde“Cnasn, hopeosf,fearndcofuenasresl;ling services for mild mental health I count on Him when things go Ewarcohngw?i”t.hAitss pdaaryesn,tsI,mustisfusulfielsl, in children. For children with more serious wtPhreeaiynr.evLeieedtwtuossasiinntdtpenarotciteedjnuetslytfogwriviotehuortnhceeh-mislldiidivOrneeinnOdntghlnyldeelfaioycoritnrlwupyesraheeailansilnf.f,ted’ois,nrp‘dvtriwionateyniHlleissfoowormhpsniCulsole;bychsnhcperthiiastpiaaatlaslt-wshrsCittieswl,h.Tlate.illattoShhsrtCuthcp.diihssldsidylucdehGsaou,nlioddwgaeiansdtcceoailnneCslgcitoneavinkceet;r them to see a nment facilities in restructured mental services with them as often as they allow us to. I have spent (e.g. KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital or National countless nights interceding in tears for my children University Hospital); or in private practice. while they were growing up and navigating challenges |METHODIST MESSAGE — October 2021 33

Events ¢ Looking Ahead Scan to see events online! OCT OCT TURNING HEARTS OF CHILDREN TO FATHERS 28 Oct 2021, 8 to 9.15 p.m. Online via Zoom https://tinyurl.com/FamLifeWebinar (Registrants will be emailed the Zoom link before the webinar) Jason Wong, Chairmain of Focus on the Family, will be sharing in English on the role of fathers in shaping the family towards godliness and serving God. This talk is part of the Chinese Annual Conference (CAC) Board of Family Life’s (BOFL) Family Life Webinars 2021, “Building Up Your Family: Step-by-Step”. It features a series of talks by CAC pastors and experienced speakers covering the areas of: marriage; parenting children; parenting teens; fathering; and mothering. Organised by the Chinese Annual Conference Board of Family Life THE GIVING METHODIST 2021 Till 30 Oct 2021 [email protected] https://thegivingmethodist.sg Every year, The Giving Methodist, spearheaded by The Methodist Church in Singapore (MCS) and Methodist Welfare Services (MWS), provides a platform to galvanise all Methodists for acts of love. Against the backdrop of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, we encourage every Methodist to “Persevere in Doing Good”. You may join the campaign in these three ways: • Give Time Be a Befriender to a child, a senior or a family in need, from a participating MWS centre or Methodist church ministry today! • Give A Donation Uplift those whose circumstances remain dire with a regular giving of $40 a month, or an one-time donation. • Give Voice Encourage someone to give or get involved. Pray for the last, lost and least. Organised by Methodist Welfare Services NOV TEACHING WITH STYLE 3, 10, 17, 24 Nov 2021, 8.00 p.m. to 9.30 p.m. via Zoom Register at: https://bit.ly/3ntRg7M (ZOOM details to be provided separately) $55 per head (early bird price before 8 Oct) / $65 (after 8 Oct). Registration required. Calling all pastors, ministry & cell group leaders, teachers and parents! Come and discover how the Teaching with Style seminar can not only help you apply practical communication skills more effectively in your teaching, but also develop a foundation to teaching, training and presenting to your audience that is based on Biblical values.  Be equipped and learn how you can: • Project integrity, genuineness and enthusiasm • Find the right mix between humility and assertiveness • Use entertainment and humour appropriately • Shed stiffness and become more natural with your audience Organised by Sower Insitute for Biblical Discipleship NOV - DEC ANGEL TREE MOVIE: SKID ROW MARATHON Nov to Dec 2021 https://70x7.saltmedia.asia (movie website, for donation with movie pass) https://www.giving.sg/70x7 (for donation without movie pass) This year, 70x7 seeks to raise $750K with the Angel Tree Movie (and Angel Tree Run later in Nov) to support inmates, ex-offenders and their families. We invite you to Journey Together with us by participating in our movie campaign to provide a helping hand towards our beneficiaries’ reconciliation efforts with their loved ones. For donations of $100 and above, you’ll receive one online movie pass to catch this inspiring true story, Skid Row Marathon. A second movie pass will be matched by us to gift and uplift an Angel Tree beneficiary.  Organised by 70x7