WNNWA | Spring-Summer 2014

We Need Not Walk Alone For bereaved families and the people who care about them, following the death of a child. Spring|Summer 2014



INSIDE this issue Spring|Summer 2014 FEATURES 5 Dear Friends and Family by Patrick E. O’Donnell 6 The Compassionate Friends National Conference 8 Our First Compassionate Friends Conference by Theresa Jackson 10 Real Men Grieve by Alan Pedersen 12 I Almost Went Home by Diane Cassidy 14 Back to Square One by Alicia Sims Franklin 16 an excerpt from “A Heart Never Forgets” by Deb Nevergall 18 What Do You Remember? by Carol Thompson 19 Two Wounded Soldiers by Lora Krum 20 The Gifts You’ve Given Me by Sarah Therese 21 the grieving tree by Lora Krum 22 Ebb and Flow by Dianne Gray 25 Sharing My Secret Identity by Jordon Ferber 28 2013 Worldwide Candle Lighting 30 In Loving Memory 32 The 38th National Conference by Joan Campbell DEPARTMENTS 4 From the National Office 13 Dear Dr. Gloria 24 Dear Dr. Heidi 26 News from the National Office 38 TCF Patron Donations 48 TCF Board of Directors and Staff The views presented within this magazine represent those of the authors and do not necessarily represent those of The Compassionate Friends. Cover photo: © Ron Smith/fotolia.com We Need Not Walk Alone|3

Who knows where the road will lead? When my 18-year-old daughter Ashley died in an automobile accident in August of 2001, I could see no future for myself. Struggling to find any hope and desperate for answers, I was one of the fortunate ones to have found The Compassionate Friends. This new family of compassionate and caring others took me into their fold and under their wings when I simply couldn’t function. Through TCF I was able to share my own story and listen to the stories of others who were trying to find a future as well. One of the best things for me about TCF was being able to learn from those who had found hope and a quality of life once again after the death of their child, grandchild or sibling. A wonderful woman I met in Atlanta, Georgia in 2003 at our TCF National Conference told me something that would prove to be a light bulb moment for me. She said “Alan, this grief we share is like a giant wave, we can choose to fight against it and it will knock us to the ground, or we can get on top of it and ride it and let it take us where it will.” Those words have been instrumental in helping me to stop fighting my grief and instead choosing to simply roll with it. Without a doubt, the giant wave of my grief journey has led me to many incredible places. Leaning into the pain and allowing my great love for Ashley to lead the way has given me hope. My TCF family has provided me a safe place to not only work through my grief, but also allow my grief to work through me. The road began to open up in front of me in 2004 as I set off on a healing journey across the United States and Canada sharing my original songs about Ashley and my grief story with hundreds of grief and support organizations. The road led me to more than 900 events including presentations for nearly 300 chapters of TCF. The experience of the past 10 years has truly been a love affair for me with the thousands of TCF members I have had the honor to meet and greet and hug. Today, the road has led me home, to work in the family business, you might say. In December of 2013, I was given the incredible opportunity to serve as the Executive Director of The Compassionate Friends. The opportunity to work with and offer support to our 650 chapters and thousands of volunteers is an honor indeed. My hope is that together we can continue and strengthen the exemplary work of our amazing organization. I am here to serve you, Alan Pedersen My Thanks To You We are very pleased to present to you this special edition of “We Need Not Walk Alone”. This is the first issue of TCF’s magazine that has been produced completely in-house. Along with a new design, there are a larger number of articles from people from all over the country, all sharing their stories from different stages of their lives. It is our greatest wish that this issue will provide you with comfort, support, information and especially hope as you read it. This is yet another example of the changes we have been working on in the past year to serve the TCF family in the best way possible. As this magazine is being “unveiled” at our 37th Annual Conference, I would like to take advantage of this opportunity to thank the many people whose tireless efforts have made it the success we know it will be. To our Conference Chair, Mary Seibert and our Conference Committee, our endless gratitude to you for your never-ending commitment to this Conference. Your dedication has been incredible, and I am honored to have worked with all of you these past months. To our additional volunteers who have helped in so many ways, from workshop selections to helping with set-up, our sincere appreciation for your time and energy. And last but certainly not least, to our fantastic National Office staff, I salute you. Your combined years with TCF are almost as long a time period as TCF has been in existence, and your knowledge, talent and professionalism shows every day. Alan and I are the “junior” staff members in this situation. We learn from you every day, and I am so grateful for your generosity of spirit and kindness. 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone (continued on page 5)

(continued) And I continue to learn from all of you as I work with Alan, my counterpart, to make TCF the best organization it can possibly be for all who need us. Although my position as Chief Operating Officer is not as visible, please know that I hear every word of what you tell us, I take your comments and e-mails to heart, and pay close attention to your needs. You may not know me, and I hope you will someday soon, but rest assured I am learning every day about you. When I look back on the last 10 months, I see how far we have come, and how much yet there can still be achieved for TCF. There are still so many people who don’t know about us, people who desperately need our help and support. In every way possible, we will continue to strive to reach out to more and more people in the time to come, so that we are there for every person that needs us. Lisa Corrao Dear Friends and Family, Billy was my ‘big’ little brother. Although he stood 6’5” and weighed 230 pounds compared to my 6’3” 150 pound In April of 1972, our mother frame, being younger was still attached to the ‘little’ brother was diagnosed with cancer. designation even though he was decisively ‘bigger’. In fact, In those days cancer was a he was the youngest sibling in our family of seven children. health condition so dreaded My brother Billy was 19, and while driving home his car it was a word only whispered slipped on the icy snow covered road, colliding with a tree. among the masses. During the next several months there So began my qualification as a part of a bereavement club was a rush among the family that no one wants to join where the dues are infinitely too to make up for lost time, to high. I remember holding my Mother’s hand as we walked create memories, to say ‘I from the cemetery mausoleum where Billy’s final funeral am sorry’ for the failures, to service took place. I now understand that she was squeezing remember and honor the successes. my hand so tightly that morning, not from the painful cancer, but from her anguish over having lost her baby. On a cold, snowy, December night in Michigan, I remember Thirteen days later, that disease ended my Mom’s life as she not being able to make it home to see the dearest lady that joined our brother Billy on New Year’s Eve. gave me life. Early the next morning my sister called, a most unusual occurrence, I immediately feared the worst. Many years later, I discovered that the following summer, in I remember my older sibling asking “are you standing or 1973, that my dad was seeking help and comfort and visited sitting?” to which I replied “standing” and my sister said, “I a new support group in Hialeah, Florida. It was called The strongly suggest you sit.” Compassionate Friends. Over the course of a person’s life there are times when that In January, 2000, a full moon Friday lit up the night, nestled clock that governs our earthly experience seems to pause, within the coldest day of a most frigid year. I woke up that as our thought patterns transform us into a slow motion morning with an inexplicable sense of foreboding that was method of recounting the past. For me this was that time continuing throughout the day. I had no idea why that as the few seconds that passed as I sat down to listen to notion was embracing my being but I was overwhelmed my sisters impending message seemed to last forever. I with the worry that ‘something was not right.’ was overwhelmed by so many memories I shared with my Mom over the years. Cloaked within these moments were Later that evening, after a long day, as we sat comfortably immense regret and the sharp piercing pain of guilt for not in our home, my wife Janet urged me to be positive. She pushing through that snowstorm that had cruelly deprived expressed her optimism that my concern was only imaginary. me of this one last chance to be by her side in a time of My negative apprehension did not end, so both of us dutifully need. Then my sister uttered the three words that changed got dressed and visited a get-together for youngsters where my life forever, “Billy is dead.” we reassured ourselves that all was well. There was one last (continued on page 34) We Need Not Walk Alone|5

The Compassionate Friends National Conference A National Conference of The Compassionate Friends is unlike any other conference you may ever attend. It is a place where you can go and know that you truly are not alone as you travel your grief journey. Every person comes for the same reason, a child has died. It is a place where “friendship, understanding, and hope” are more than just words. For almost three and a half decades, The Compassionate Friends has held National Conferences in different locations, from the East Coast to the West Coast, from North to South. Today it’s normal to have 1100-1400 bereaved parents, siblings, and grandparents attend. 37th National Conference Keynote Speakers Alan Pedersen ~ Opening Ceremony Eric Hipple ~ Friday Afternoon Luncheon Dianne Gray ~ Saturday Evening Dinner Alicia Franklin ~ Sunday Closing Ceremony The Compassionate Friends Walk to Remember® is a highlight of every TCF National Conference. It was created as a symbolic way to show the love we carry for the children we mourn. Held at 9 a.m. Sunday on the final day of the National Conference it begins at the host hotel of the Conference. There is an air of anticipation and excitement as everyone gathers in preparation for the start of the Walk. Finally the Walk begins and, hand-in- hand everyone walks, meditating on a much different time in their lives. Since its inception in 2000, the Walk to Remember has taken on many distinctive facets. There is the main Walk to Remember where those attending the Conference join with local bereaved families and others who fly in from across the country just for the Walk. As many as 1400 have participated. Some go the full distance, while others only walk a short way knowing that in participating, they are remembering. Special Walk to Remember t-shirts are given to all who register, as well as walk bibs where the names of the children being remembered can be written and worn by participants. 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Our Heartfelt Thanks to the Following Generous Sponsors of TCF’s 37th Annual National Conference $20,000 Conference Partner $1,000 Volunteer Snack Bags Sponsor Virginia and Stephen Maguire Margaret and Don Gray in memory of Kelly Lynch in memory of Donald W. Gray, III $6,750 Program Book Sponsor, Sibling $1,000 Sibling Sweatshirts Sponsor Sweatshirts Sponsor, and Raffle Sponsor Roger Lavallee and Kay Turley Diane Cassidy-Jaye in memory of Paige Mackenzie Johnson in memory of Katie Cassidy and Ricky Rhodes $1,000 Parents’ Hospitality Room Sponsor $5,000 Conference Benefactor Sue and Paul Lowden Jacqueline Glass and Family in memory of Jerry Glass in memory of Will Lowden and in honor of Kitty Edler $1,000 Mens’ Hospitality Area Sponsor $5,000 Chapter Leadership Training Program Mary Jo Peterson Sponsor in memory of Elsey Kirabo Mujulwa Gloria and Phil Horsley in memory of Darcie Sims $1,000 Conference Benefactor Sons of Verona Memorial Foundation $5,000 Conference Registration Bags Sponsor in memory of Christopher Blum and Michael Halpert Open to Hope Foundation $750 Volunteer Desk Sponsor in memory of Scott Preston Horsley #1173 Arlington Chapter $3,500 Opening Ceremony and Memory Boards in memory of all their children Lynn and Jerry Clayton $750 Children’s Picture Button Copier Sponsor in memory of Justin Lee Clayton #1399 Brandywine Hundred Chapter in memory of all the children of the $2,500 Lanyards Sponsor Brandywine Hundred Chapter Firemen’s 5K $750 Butterfly Boutique Sponsor in memory of Phillip Dean, Brian Collins, and the Fort Kitty Edler Worth Chapter children and siblings in memory of Mark and Rich Edler $2,500 Saturday Evening Dinner Sponsor LOVE IN MOTION Signing Chior $750 Bookstore Sponsor in memory of John ‘JAY’ Morgan Rod and Donna Mebane in memory of Emma Mebane $1,000 Volunteer T-Shirts Sponsor Liana and Carlos Baldor $750 Sibling Hospitality Area Sponsor Sue and Karl Snepp in memory of Ana Maria Baldor in memory of Dave Snepp and $1,000 Remembrance of Love Area Sponsor in honor of Karen Snepp Kathy and Chuck Collins $750 Registration Area Sponsor in memory of Tiffanie Amber Collins Sharon and Kenneth Staszak in memory of Scott Staszak $1,000 Closing Ceremony and Speaker Mark Gedlinske $750 Reflection Room Sponsor #1308 TCF Fairfax Chapter in memory of Justin Lee Clayton in memory of all deceased children We Need Not Walk Alone|7

Our First Compassionate Friends Conference by Theresa “Terri” Jackson © sommai/fotolia.com They told us at the Conference that re-entry back from my first National Conference of The into the world would be difficult, and they were Compassionate Friends. right. Sometimes something would just stop me in • “Blankets of expectations” fell away at the my tracks and I never heard another word for the conference. It took me at least 12 hours to fully rest of the presentation, just lost in the discovery realize that this was a completely unique and safe and validation that I wasn’t crazy, irrational, or environment. To realize that I didn’t have to be not “doing well”. I wanted to stay in that cocoon anybody I wasn’t, no expectations would be put on of love and support as we had ventured into some us by anyone. very dark places of grief. With great reluctance, I • We were born into this world crying. When our removed my name badge with the butterfly sticker child died, we were born into a whole new world that let everyone know this was our first Conference crying. and stuffed it in my purse as a remembrance. • We are taught to feel shame when we grieve in our So in no particular order, here is what I gleaned current society and culture. 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

• Even extroverts will need much more quiet time than • We are different people than before our child died. The before, introverts even more so. old self will not return, it is neither good or bad, it just is. • It can take 4 to 7 years to process the violent details of our I think the greatest moment of revelation I had was when child’s death. one presenter acknowledged that we had experienced a great trauma, the death of our child was traumatic. • The word “bereavement” literally means to be torn apart. If you are bereaved, you have special needs, and it is At the orientation for first-time Conference attendees, the perfectly okay to have those needs. presenter reassured us that if we went to a workshop and it wasn’t working for us, we could leave. She said that we • Stop apologizing for tears. Stop apologizing for getting weren’t there to stroke the egos of the presenters, that this “upset” when a grief wave hits. We have nothing to apologize for, our child is dead was about us and finding out and we mourn them. The word “bereavement” what we needed. So no worries • Grief is the natural, inward literally means to be torn apart. about getting up and leaving and result of the death of someone If you are bereaved, you have slipping into another workshop. we love. Natural, normal, Every presenter, whether they expected. To feel grief means you special needs, and it is perfectly had multiple letters after their names, and the scholarship at are capable of loving another. If okay to have those needs. the Conference was extremely you don’t feel grief and pain, could mean that you are a sociopath, incapable of forming high, introduced themselves by their first name, and that relationships and loving another human being. Why we try they were their child’s mom or dad. Complete humility, to get people to deny their pain and grief is beyond me, it is an absolute level playing field, there were no strangers, to deny their humanity. only recognition that the pain in their eyes matched ours. Perhaps the shortest distance between two hearts is a grief • Mourning is the outward expression of grief. We need to shared. mourn. We will mourn the rest of our lives. We will hurt for the rest of our lives. All joy will be bittersweet, and that is We hope to attend next year in Chicago. I wish we had found TCF sooner, why it is not part of every bereaved care okay. package, I’ll never know. We never received a bereavement care package locally. I did my own research, was the hardest • Many bereaved parents will present with a major health thing in the world to reach out and ask for materials. Then issue if special care is not taken with their health. Our practically impossible to attend our first meeting. Attending bodies grieve. Broken heart syndrome is real. Empty arms the Conference was scary, coming out of the hotel room was syndrome is real. Our bodies ache for our children, our scary, but it turned out to be a lifeline, truly a safe harbor. hearts yearn for their voice, our hands want to touch them, we long to hear their heart beat. There is much more, but I am struggling to bring order to my brain. The weekend was a fire hydrant, and I need just • Our relationship with God will change. We may lose our an eyedropper full, slowly, a drop at a time. We are still in faith, it may grow stronger. One is not right, and one is not early grief, the “terrible twos” of grief. Still easily tired and wrong, it simply is what it is. Some will walk away from needing naps. We learned that we don’t have to feel hopeful, their church forever, some won’t. • We will experience memory loss, and no, not because of we don’t have to have hope, it is enough to know that hope our age. Our brains are preoccupied, it is valiantly trying to is there. reconcile the trauma of the death of our child. The Compassionate Friends is about transforming the pain of grief into the elixir of hope. It takes people out of the isolation society imposes on the bereaved and lets them express their grief naturally. With the shedding of tears, healing comes. And the newly bereaved get to see people who have survived and are learning to live and love again. – Simon Stephens, founder of The Compassionate Friends We Need Not Walk Alone|9

© ponomarencko/fotolia.com Real Men Grieve by Alan Pedersen On July 12th, as part of the 2014 TCF National Conference communities, national media outlets and organizations the in Chicago, a first-of-its-kind symposium will be held on world over. His latest book, The Real Rules of Life, has been the subject of men in grief. This special 3-hour program, lauded as “One of the best books on healing after loss in the presented for men only will explore the challenges, issues past 20 years” and is also published in China, Korea, The and opportunities that many grieving men face. UK, Portugal, The Czech Republic and Australia. The co-creators and presenters of Real Men Grieve have Mitch Carmody has faced many losses in his life including come together to open their hearts and share what is on his brother, David, his sister, Sandy, and the death of his their minds in an effort to spark a national conversation son, Kelly to cancer in 1987. Mitch is nationally recognized and as an outreach to other men. When I was approached as an author and speaker on the subject of grief and hosts with the idea of helping to create this symposium within a monthly radio program in Hastings, Minnesota. Mitch the Conference setting, I was excited at the opportunity for travels extensively; his gentle spirit and wisdom have the men to have this unique opportunity to share a hope touched the lives of thousands of professionals caring for filled and healing experience focused exclusively on them. and individuals going through grief. I would like to introduce you to the men joining me in presenting Real Men Grieve. Kris Munsch spent a lifetime building things, but was faced with his ultimate renovation project in December of Dr. Ken Druck, author, The Secrets Men Keep, has long 2005 when his son, Blake, was killed in a car accident just been considered a pioneer in the Psychology of Men. In outside of Hays, Kansas. Kris is the creator of The Birdhouse 1996, Ken’s life changed dramatically after the tragic death Project, a reflective, tangible tool of self-discovery that of his oldest daughter, Jenna. Ken put his career aside and can be used to identify the areas of life, grief or crisis founded The Jenna Druck Center to honor Jenna’s life and that are not working for you. Kris, who loves to refurbish spirit. The Center’s award-winning Families Helping Families houses and rebuild lives, is also an Assistant Professor of program has directly helped over 7000 bereaved families, Construction Management at Fort Hays State University. including those who lost loved ones after 9-11, Columbine HS and Hurricane Katrina. Ken’s work in “grief literacy,” Glen Lord is Noah’s dad and is currently serving on writings and innovative programs are sought by families, the National Board of Directors for The Compassionate Friends. Glen is one of the producers and creators of the 1 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Walking Through Grief series of educational DVD’s, and that often sees grief as a weakness. I hope that all the men is also the co-founder of The Grief Toolbox, which offers a who attend walk away with the hope that they can begin wide variety of grief related resources and products. embracing their grief as a strength which gives them the power to take emotional risks and being accessible.” So, what can one expect from attending this special event? Dr. Ken Druck says “I see this as a great opportunity to “When it comes to grieving in many ways men are an engage bereaved men across this country with a feeling of underserved population” says Glen Lord. “The Real Men camaraderie and solidarity. Those attending can expect to Grieve symposium is meant to shine a light on the fact that see individual presenters and leaders working together with there is a lot more to a man’s grief than the stereotypical a common mission of making the world a safer, healthier, picture often portrayed. Some of us get angry, some of us kinder and more compassionate place for men and boys do not. Some of us get quiet; some of us want to talk. Some grieving a loss.” of us engage in unhealthy behavior and some of us don’t. The real message we hope to send is that giving ourselves Kris Munsch wants those who participate to feel safe to permission to grieve is a starting place from which healing embrace their own vulnerability. “My son’s death tore open can begin.” a wound that will never completely heal, that is reality. To look at it any differently is simply false, but to live in fear of The Real Men Grieve Symposium will also feature a guest it, is making a decision to not understand it. As men we can contributor. Former Detroit Lions Quarterback Eric choose to learn from our loss, to walk-the-walk, to disarm Hipple will join us to talk about men and depression and it, to respect it, but to no longer let it negatively control us. share from his personal experience grieving the death of his Finding peace in our lives comes as we continue to openly son, Jeffery. share that message. It’s not easy work being a man in grief, yet we can encourage each other to continue.” The Compassionate Friends is proud to offer this very special event as part of our 2014 National Conference. Mitch Carmody agrees that there is great power for men in Please join us on Friday, July 11th for the Real Men Grieve our vulnerability. “Embracing our vulnerability allows us to symposium. overcome shame and face the dragon of our own perception I attended my first TCF conference in 2006 in Dearborn, MI, just under a year after the death of my 11-year-old daughter Kelsey. I had attended a few meetings in Ft. Worth, Texas, but nothing could have prepared me for the conference weekend. I felt out of place almost from the moment I arrived, I was overwhelmed by the rows of display boards with pictures and mementos of children who had died. The majority of other bereaved parents I had met at chapter meetings had suffered through the deaths of their children due to health or medical issues, automobile accidents or other nonviolent means, I, on the other hand, became involved in TCF because my daughter was a homicide victim. I sought healing, and found it in Dearborn when I attended a sharing session for survivors of homicide. I was able to tell Kelsey’s story and how she was killed, and the impact her death has had on me. I continue to be involved in TCF and I attend our national conference every year. TCF has played a huge part in providing hope for me as I continue on my grief journey. Steve Roberts, Kelsey’s Daddy Ft. Worth, Texas We Need Not Walk Alone|1 1

I Almost Went Home © [email protected] by Diane Cassidy valet, I did not unpack my car, I decided to register and (a member of the Troy, Michigan Chapter of TCF) look around first. When my Katie Kates went to Heaven on May 18, 2005, There were so many bereaved parents, grandparents and she was 19 ½ yrs. old, and the world as I knew it was siblings, it was much more crowded than I expected. I destroyed. lasted less than an hour; I did not speak to anyone and kept to myself. I decided to leave and asked the valet to I did not know anyone who had lost their child. I felt get my car. Two bereaved dads came up to me wearing like I had suddenly been dropped into a foreign county TCF badges and said “You’re leaving, aren’t you?” I with no friends, cell phone, map or money and I did not acted like I did not hear them, but they would not go even know the language. I was completely alone in an away. To make a long story short, they talked me into unfamiliar world. Family, friends and my church tried staying just for the night, and offered some advice. to help, however I no longer lived in their world and “Don’t think about the Conference, go to your room, they most certainly had no idea what to do or say to me. order room service, take a long hot bath, watch a funny show or movie, sleep, wake up in the morning, go to the I didn’t want to be in my own home, my daughter died Opening Ceremony, then make your decision. Please in the middle of the night peacefully, when she was stay, you will be happy you came.” sleeping in her own bed, with me in the next room. I did still believe in God, however, I felt God must be For some reason, what these two caring bereaved dads very angry with me to take my baby! I had tried to live said to me made sense, and that is exactly what I did. I a good life, I wondered what could I have possibly done showed up to the Opening Ceremony, I found hope and to deserve this? new friends and my new normal world to live in that is no longer foreign to me. I’m thrilled I went!! It was hard to imagine how life went on. I became a robot, automatically doing what I needed to do and In the past nine years, I’ve been to seven Conferences; most of what I was expected to do. However; no one this year will be my eighth. I am the person who is was home. I no longer was present, I was still in this outside whenever possible and watches for those alone, foreign county all alone, lost, hopeless for the first year, getting ready to leave. I try to give them a plan to I just wanted to die. hopefully find hope, just like the two dads gave to me. In May of 2006, my oldest daughter Christina found So, if you’re afraid to come to a TCF’s National The Compassionate Friends. She wanted me to attend Conference, I understand, because I have been there. the National Conference in Dearborn, Michigan which I am now the woman standing just outside the front was only about a half hour from my house. I told her doors at every TCF Conference looking for someone “NO!” I wanted nothing to do with TCF, I couldn’t like me who is thinking about leaving. If you see me, even take care of my own grief, how in the heck was I stop by and say hello to Katie Cassidy’s Mom and we’ll supposed to deal with thousands of others who also had chat. had their lives destroyed? She asked me to do it for her; I told her I would try. TCF is HOPE. It was difficult to say no to my daughter, and therefore I decided to give the TCF Conference a try. Christina lives in another state and so I arrived at the Conference a day before her. I was trying to keep an open mind but I did not want to be there. When I pulled up to the hotel 1 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Dear Dr. Gloria, My daughter was killed in a car accident at a busy intersection that was under reconstruction. Her 16 year-old brother was driving. She died instantly, but fortunately he was not injured. We have spent eight years in a legal battle with the transportation department and the construction company. It now looks like we will settle out of court. My husband says it is “blood money” but I have other thoughts. What do you think? Dear Madaline, Unfortunately this is not an unusual situation. Many families find themselves embroiled with lawyers and the legal system after the death of a loved one, especially where accidents or medical errors are involved. When our son Scott was killed in an auto accident his cousin Matthew was driving. Matthew was also killed, but since he was driving we received a financial settlement from his insurance company. It was a very painful time as I am sure you know. As part of the process we had to work with an attorney in putting a value on Scott’s life. At the time my husband also felt it was “blood money”, but I argued that using the money to support positive family activities and help start a foundation to honor Scott would help with the pain. Of course, money can never bring them back, but after eight years it seems to me that using the settlement to honor your daughter might be just what your family needs. Dr. Gloria Horsley, MFC, CNS, PhD, is the founder and president of the Open to Hope Foundation an internationally known grief expert, a psycholtherapist, and bereaved parent. Gloria cohosts the Internet radio show Open to Hope, at www.opentohope.com, and has authored a number of books and articles. She will be answering your questions related to loss, grief, and recovery for the bereaved parent/grandparent. Please send your questions to: Dr. Gloria Horsley, c/o The Compassionate Friends, PO Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 My precious one and only son Dylan died in 2007, he was 20 years old. I attended a meeting of The Compassionate Friends shortly after Dylan’s death. Although I did not attend meetings, I continued to receive a newsletter. In June of 2010, I felt that I needed to help others and I contacted the leader of our TCF group. She said she had just announced that she would no longer be the leader and that our TCF chapter would be disbanding. I made the decision to attend TCF leadership training in Texas and met so many wonderful people from all over the United States who are still my dear friends. This year I will attend my first National Conference in Chicago. Several members of our local chapter will carry the names of our angels in The Walk to Remember. I cannot imagine where I would be in my grief journey without The Compassionate Friends. The TCF website and Facebook page with poems and articles continue to assure me that I am not alone. Cindy McClain, Dylan’s Mom TCF of Wabash Valley in Terre Haute, Indiana We Need Not Walk Alone|1 3

© Gudellaphoto/fotolia.com Back to Square One Finding Hope in Another First Year of Grief by Alicia “Allie” Sims Franklin You might say I am an experienced griever. My brother, my only sibling, died more than 30 years ago. So, I know what to expect in the days, weeks, months and years after someone close dies. And yet, this year quite unexpectedly, I was tossed back into the turmoil of early grief. My past grief experience has helped in that I am not surprised by how hard the special days hit me, or how some people who I expected to be helpful weren’t, and others who I didn’t know very well before this happened stepped up in ways I would not have predicted. It has helped me to know that the intensity of my feelings during this tumultuous first year will not endure, and I know that as I grieve, the moments of joy will cause me less pain. I know that I will live on and that the love of my brother has lived on with me in every new experience. I also know that it still catches me by surprise at how intensely I miss him when milestone events happen, like the birth of his niece (my daughter) or this year, the death of our mother. And yet, knowing what to expect and what the road ahead looks like gives me only so much comfort when the waves of emotion come. This is and will be a year of firsts and anniversaries of lasts. This first year is a gauntlet of firsts to cope through: first birthday without her, first holidays without her, the anniversary of our last conversation and the big one that is looming, the anniversary of her death. Each one brings a wave of 1 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

emotion that crashes in and topples whatever calm I had What I love about The Compassionate Friends is the cobbled together. This grief opens the wounds of the hurt support that helps me in my new grief connect with those from long ago, the death of my brother. I so wish he was who are still finding a way to carry forward the legacy of here to help me through, or to share in my tears or for us to their son, daughter, brother, sister or grandchild. When we fight or whatever we would have done. Many have shared stand together, the burden is less for us both. Thank you with me the image of them together in Heaven. This is for walking with me, not taking away my pain, but sharing comforting, but I really need them both, or at least one of in the journey so I am not alone. In these moments of them, with me right now to hold me while I cry and share a darkness, I will look for the love of my brother, my mother funny story that somehow I have forgotten in my moment and all of our loved ones who walk with us on the other of pain. side. When you touch my hand, share a hug or listen to I share this story for several reasons. One is to provide my story, I will see that as a gift of love from you and from support and a beacon of hope for those who like me, are in those I love who have died. the early phases, the white hot, searing pain of early grief. My job this year is to hold on tight. To reach out to those It gets better. Not with time. Time simply passes, but with who care and who understand my pain. I challenge myself grief work. By breathing through those intense moments to let go of the yard sticks that I might be tempted to use of pain, by reaching out to to compare one hurt to another. those who can hear your I challenge us all to refuse to I know that it all hurts and that story without trying to no matter how long I had my allow the moment of their death make it better, by allowing to steal away the memories and loved one, it was not enough. yourself to experience the I will accept support from all emotions as they come celebration of their lives. who are willing and able to - it gets better. Bit by bit, share. This year is too difficult to moment by moment. I say exclude those who want to help this as a reminder to myself simply because our losses are as well as a bit of hope to you in those dark first days of different in some way. My biggest challenge this year and the first year. For those of you who have been on the grief one I will invite you to join me in, whether it has been one journey longer, taken more steps in your grief, I thank you day or 1000 days since your son, daughter, brother, sister, for being that hope in the distance. Your pain is deep, the grandchild died, is to remember first that our loved ones time serves to deepen the pain for a while, I know. But LIVED. I challenge us all to refuse to allow the moment of when I see you standing up, walking ahead of me, a seed their death to steal away the memories and celebration of of hope is planted; hope that I might make it through this their lives. I will laugh and dance and sing and cry all at the year. I hear your words of comfort and I see that once in a same time, (watch out if I am driving next to you), because while you laugh without tears. When you reach out to me, that is what my brother and my mother taught me to do. I feel the bond and support that comes from not having to They taught me to live, not just when it’s easy, not just when explain why a good memory sets off a new wave of tears. times are good, but every moment. May you find those who You may not realize how much that means to those of us listen, find those who can stand with you through the pain who are new on the path. and my mother said it best when she said: May love be what you remember the most. TCF has helped me so much. I never thought I could get though the loss of my son, Wayne. TCF gave me a place to go to talk about Wayne with people who wanted to listen and hear about him. I don’t think I would have survived this journey without TCF. Helen Thompson, Wayne Phillips’ Mom Frankfort, Kentucky We Need Not Walk Alone|1 5

an excerpt from A Heart Never Forgets Deb Nevergall’s 19-year-old daughter, Alyssa, died in a car accident. In her upcoming book, “A Heart Never Forgets,” she shares how her faith allows hope, where TCF has aided in the healing process along with her writing and journaling. Deb’s desire in sharing her words and heartbreaking experience is to affirm; you need never walk this road alone. © FomaA/fotolia.com Darkest hour… An otherwise gentle and normal human being will For years I lamented about how I never got to say goodbye immediately morph into a bone crushing animal anytime to Alyssa. Our family had been together just hours before anyone or anything appears to threaten her cubs. A mother celebrating my niece Alana’s 12th birthday. And although it has the ability to perform any number of seemingly super never registered until just now, in a video of Alyssa leaving natural wonders in any given day, but unfortunately she the party, my last words to her were “be careful, I love you cannot mend the broken heart of a child or likewise, her and goodbye”! own. Four hours later, two officers showed up at our door with A favorite verse, ministering in my own grief journey has one of them holding her purse… No words were necessary. been; Psalm 34:18. “The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This truth was Be still my heart… sorely tested when Alyssa, at nineteen years old, while a Alyssa Dawn came into this world with deep brown eyes, passenger in a vehicle was ejected and died at the scene. full cheeks and a button nose; all nine pounds, one ounce of her. She walked with a bounce in her step, had a beautiful Up close and personal… heart shaped face and contagious smile that lit up any room I did everything in my own power to protect my daughter she walked into and was generous to a fault. The world is a and still it was not enough to keep her here. This landed much sadder place without her light shining in it. me up close and personal in the crosshairs of grief. I was To a child, a mother works small miracles every day. She being whipped around and run aground by harsh winds can kiss a boo-boo and make it feel instantly better. She of emotion and there was not a single thing I could do will nurse a skinned up knee and bake a birthday cake from about it. But somehow I had to find a way to muck my way scratch. And to a child it’s pure magic! through. I can’t imagine how anyone manages without faith 1 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

as a lifeline. To me this would be like attempting to breathe to breathe, let alone sing a ‘new song’, but I’m living proof under water. I vaguely recall so much of this time as if lost there is hope and this is not the end… your story or mine. in a thick fog, yet I am also very keenly aware of it, like a hot I really do not believe there is a silver lining to Alyssa’s poker or branding iron searing my skin. loss, but I do know she would not want me to go around Early on we were introduced to TCF. What we experienced somber faced trying to prove I loved her. Nor do I feel it is and learned through this was very insightful and helpful a disservice to a loved one’s memory if and when we smile to us. One of the most comforting thoughts for me is the and finally enjoy life again. I believe it is a shortage to do assurance we will never walk alone. I truly believe we are in otherwise and also that they deserve better from us. At first a battle for our lives, however, this it is all we can do to get out of bed. does not mean we have to remain in And like any life altering catastrophe the trenches alone. “Faith is taking the first step we must learn to crawl before we will Sharing our thoughts and emotions even when you don’t see the ever walk again. in a safe place among others who “Faith is taking the first step even whole staircase.” were either newly bereaved or - Martin Luther King Jr. when you don’t see the whole further along in their own grief staircase”. Martin Luther King Jr. journey was a life line for us. They affirmed there is no blue I spent the first six months in my pj’s and didn’t get out print for grief and that feelings are neither right nor wrong. of bed unless I absolutely had to. And only then tending I have run the gambit of emotions and just when I think to basic necessities and immediately returning to the I have covered some ground and am making headway I comfort of my bed afterward. I talked to God constantly digress, finding myself back where I started from earlier on. and did a lot of reading and writing. I did not push myself I love roller coasters, but this is one ride I never thought I’d to do anything I was not capable of or ready for. I was find myself stuck on. It has been almost sixteen years since determined early on not to be stuck in my grief, yet I did Alyssa died and I assure you I am most definitely past the not set specific goals for digging or climbing my way out. denial stage. Presently, I think maybe I’m in the acceptance This does not have to be something you plan literally phase. However, ask me tomorrow and my answer may not or even do consciously. Aside from possibly listening to be the same. And what we learned from TCF is that this is uplifting music, hearing someone speak on the subject, all normal. taking a healthy walk, talking about it and talking some After attending meetings for several years, my husband and more or whatever method works best for you. I served as our area TCF leaders. 2 Corinthians 1:4 says; As with anything we do in life, it is also with grief. Setting He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others our expectations too high will set us up for disappointment. have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort Too low and we are not stretching at all and everything at God gives us! this level is simply routine. In typical goal setting this is a recipe for failure, but in grieving we must allow ourselves A worst nightmare… the luxury of time. By setting goals at a level feasibly One thing I always said about my own girls, if something attainable we will not be expecting too much of ourselves happens to either one of them, just shove me in after and too soon. pile on the dirt. We go through life hoping, praying and believing our Grieve!... children would not and should not die before we do as Take all the time you need and don’t allow anyone else to parents. But tragically and sadly so often they do. You may put a time constraint around it. Unfortunately it is yours, be facing your darkest hour… your worst nightmare has own it, but do whatever it takes to move forward. Find a come true. You tell yourself you can’t go on and you’ll never way and reason to live again. No, you will never get over it! make it through another day. Your will to live, all desire is It will always be a part of who you are, but it does not have gone and minute by minute is the most you can do. If you’re to define you. walking through fire and flood right now do not expect any I may not know you personally, but I do know the human more of yourself than you can give. Time is your mainstay spirit and its ability to prevail and overcome. I’m convinced and friend. Those of you newly bereaved will most likely you, too, have what it takes, not only for moving forward, find it hard to believe you will ever smile or be anywhere near happy again. At the onset, it takes all you’ve got simply but also for coming out on the other side. We Need Not Walk Alone|1 7

© olga pink/fotolia.com What Do You Remember? by Carol Thompson (a member of The Compassionate Friends of Tyler Chapter) Isn’t it interesting how often we speak of our failing morning. But Sarah was their precious niece and memories associated with deep grief, but at the she had dearly loved her aunt and uncle. Steve and same time have the sharpest recollection of certain Cindy willingly shared with us in our pain. moments woven in with the loss of our children? The remembrance of what was seen, heard or I recall that they arrived at our door with a white smelled at that particular time is etched in our bakery box filled with doughnuts and pigs-in-the minds with crystal clarity. blanket and refreshing orange juice. They sat with us and we talked and talked, about what I have no I have a very vivid memory of a cold Saturday recall. But I do remember feeling deeply grateful for morning in late fall of 2005 following the death of their willingness to show up, bringing thoughtful my daughter, Sarah, in early September of that year. comfort. They brought no platitudes, they did not I remember that everything in my home was silent tell us what to do or what was best or give any and chilled even though bright sunlight beamed advice. They were simply a calming presence in from the living room windows, hitting the wooden those most desolate of hours. floor in sharp, precise angles. The sun was shining only in spite that morning as I could feel no warmth What I learned that morning I have tried to carry from the rays. forward. All that is required to bring comfort to heartbroken people is a willingness to walk into My brother Steve and his wife Cindy called my the midst of grief and be present with them. We are husband and me to say they were dropping by for called upon to summon the personal courage inside a little visit that morning. I remember thinking, of us for the good of others. “why would they even want to come over here? This house is full of pain and sorrow. Wouldn’t it Pain may come when we take out a memory and be better for them if they did not have to see us and examine it and once again experience the emotions our once happy home in such misery?” We were associated with the memory. Maybe there is healing far too exhausted and burdened with sadness to in looking back from a distance. What do you even pretend with fake smiles and conversation that remember? 1 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Two Wounded © franz massard /Fotolia.com Soldiers by Lora Krum We have been in the same battles, every step of the way; Together we fought hard and cried, and even tried to pray. The big war we once fought could not end with a win; But since that one’s over, many more begin. Our scars are great in numbers, and still quite fresh too; Carrying the pain every day leaves us not knowing what to do. Though we’re each missing limbs and a big piece of our heart, The war that we fought in was a most important part. We lost so much on that final battle day; To the one that we have left, we didn’t know what to say. He’s the one that we both know keeps us trying to do what’s right; But there are days when even then, it’s hard to continue the fight. He’s been severely wounded too, in a very special way; Hopefully the energy that we can each give will keep him from going astray. Our wounds still cause pain, the healing is slow, new wars cause even more hurt; We work hard each day, to somehow get through, without falling face-first in the dirt. We’re still two wounded soldiers, tattered and torn, with a young, wounded private to tend; We do our best, though others disagree...but I’m not sure how much more we can bend. To offer each other a canteen or a bandage is still exceedingly rare; How can we comfort in even small ways when the supply shelves are so bare? We get through the days, and go through the motions; The sorrow that we each carry is deeper than any ocean. When day’s finally through, we are too... just glad to see it all end; Our private’s okay, we both give him our all... but do you consider me still your best friend? We quietly crawl, for we’re too wounded and tired to walk, There’s nothing left for either of us, it’s too difficult to talk. We understand, and know that we don’t want to cause each other more pain, Tomorrow’s always there, with more motions to go through again... We have two sons that we love, and although badly wounded, we’ll somehow continue the fight; To keep one’s memory close to us all, and for the other, to try to raise him right. We Need Not Walk Alone|1 9

The Gifts You’ve Given Me I left the need to know why behind years ago. I am not the same. Instead, In losing you, I practice finding peace with the inner turmoil, I found my strength, my sorrow, accepting the unacceptable, my compassion, my living my truth. Self. You have given me the gift of uncertainty You have given me the gift of Suffering. and thus, taught me to live in the Now. These tears carry knowledge The fingers of your loss have quietly shaped me, that through suffering came Understanding, molding away the sharp edges, my judgment of others, and through understanding came my innocence. Forgiveness, You have given me the gift of Humility. and through forgiveness came You were a child, Love. my child. Now you parent. You fluttered in my womb like a butterfly, and now you flutter in my soul, Invisibly, quietly, from behind the veil, eternally a part of me. you show me the meaning Eternally giving. of Life. You have given me the gift of Awareness. © alphaspirit/fotolia.com by Sara Therese, Shawn’s Mama My son Mark was 30 years old when he died from an accidental drug overdose in 2000. I found hope by hosting my first Candle Light Memorial in 2009. This event brought home for me the words, “you need not walk alone.” The impact of this single event reminded me of the movie, “Field of Dreams”, when they said, “If you build it, they will come.” Oh, they did come, unfortunately. I have found my hope by helping others. Kathleen Joerin, Mark’s Mom Chapter Leader TCF of St. Clair Shores, Michigan 2 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone

© franz massard/Fotolia.com the grieving tree by Lora Krum Sometimes the life we are forced to live is not anything we'd choose it to be, It feels as if branches had weakened and fallen down from a family's tree. The roots tried to spread and burrow down to keep firmly in the ground, The trunk started straight, but developed a split when storms were coming around. Each half of that trunk still stretched and stretched, and reached upward, towards the sun, Although needing to individually work, each half was needed to be a complete one. The two sides of that parted trunk nurtured two branches with so much love and care, The branches thrived because of the trunk, it took both sides to raise the pair. The trunk and its branches stood proud and tall with beautiful flowers that bloomed, Until one of the branches withered and died, and then soon the other was also doomed. There seemed no reason for these wonderful branches which were so uniquely formed To cease to exist while in their prime, the trunk was not ever even warned! The two sides of the trunk were suddenly bare-no longer wanting to reach to the skies, There was no longer a reason it seemed, losing the branches would be their demise. But there in the yard that sorry tree stands, a trunk with a split somewhere along the way, While the other trees around them have branches and blooms and more beauty every day. Eventually the trunk will begin to decay since the branches no longer keep them going, The roots will also begin to die when it realizes the tree is no longer growing. But during this process, how the trunk reacts will depend on the strength left in its base, It could decay and clutter the yard, or might be able to still brighten up the place. If the trunk can somehow find a way to work together instead of being separate parts, It could still grow some shoots, with a few flowers, that may please some peoples' hearts. The roots may be able to sustain life for awhile if they were nourished way back when, And if the trunk can withstand the torment of the seasons, it may in time flower again. The flowers will never be as plentiful or beautiful as when on the branches they grew, The trunk will always long for the richness of its branches that once upon a time it knew. We Need Not Walk Alone|2 1

© Lars Johansson/Fotolia.com Ebb and Flow by Dianne Gray As I walked on an early summer day in South disease. What I had no way of comprehending was Florida, I listened to Duncan Sheik’s “She Runs the depth of suffering the disease would impose on Away.” I caught a phrase about “symptoms” and Austin’s body, or the way pain could ebb and flow then “the darkness comes and the darkness goes,” over minutes, hours and even days… gripping my followed by “happiness ain’t never how you think it little boy with such force that I would have given should be so.” my own life thousands of times over so that he It provoked a revelation. Pediatric palliative care would not have to endure another nanosecond of is necessary because the darkness comes and the suffering. darkness goes and happiness ain’t never how you When we finally became acquainted with hospice think it should be so. care, I was sure that by picking up the telephone It was Christmas Eve when our pediatric and signing the admission papers (even though we neurologist told me that my beautiful blond were “at home” patients until the end), it meant that haired, green-eyed, four-year-old son Austin, was we had been defeated. I had given up on my son diagnosed with a rare degenerative brain disease, and in essence, on myself too. In hindsight, I could NBIA disorder and probably would die within a few not have been more wrong. years. I will remember forever that dark moment, Instead I became “friends” with a system of care thinking the light never will shine again. that includes comfort, guidance, education, pain Like most parents, I researched, read, cried, prayed management and the ability to enjoy what Elisabeth and cried some more. I came to understand the Kubler-Ross taught, which is the concept of “living terms spasticity, dystonia and neurogenerative brain fully while dying.” Pediatric palliative care is the 2 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone

solution, because the agony does come and can go at all opened the doors to the creation of happy memories, not hours, stealing away precious moments of the time I had left only for Austin, but for those of us who remained after his with my child. passing in February 2005. Palliative care allowed us to share moments of genuine happiness that we would never have been able to I am listening to Duncan Sheik again and I agree with him, experience. We tasted chocolate ice cream in bed, smiled “the darkness comes and the darkness goes” and “happiness at Timon and Pumbaa’s jokes and baked in the kitchen with ain’t never how we think it should be so.” It was never a life Austin’s sister Christina. We even floated in the pool with I would have requested, but looking back I can say I was connected sections of oxygen tubing. One nurse scowled able to live fully and appreciate the ride. Without palliative when I suggested it, while the one who made it happen care, I may not have been able to feel this way as the giggled! darkness may have stayed and the happiness may have gone We even found a way to swing in the backyard despite the unrecognized. I am indebted to our palliative and hospice naysayers insisting that “it couldn’t be done.” Palliative care care team for supporting our family. It is not a perfect system, yet I will cherish the perfect moments that I shared with my son for the rest of my life. In 11 years, my husband and I experienced several sudden deaths, my grandmother, both of our fathers, my brother and 3 miscarriages. Our daughter, Erin was 2-1/2 when she died from meningitis 6 days after a skull fracture. In 1994, the selection of self-help grief books was little to none, and there was no internet. I attended my first TCF meeting at the Greater Omaha Chapter in 1994. I didn’t know how I was going to survive and it got a lot worse. My daughter’s death consumed me, I just wanted her back! After meeting other parents, I felt understood and that I wasn’t the only one who knew the sickening feeling of never holding her or hearing her again. I depended on support meetings, the chapter library and newsletters, and attended national and regional conferences to learn about grief and how to live with purpose again. After several years, I began to give back and it has been a wonderful way to continue to honor my daughter. I have served in various roles of the chapter steering committee, chaired a regional conference, Angel of Hope Children’s Memorial at Boys Town and presently serve as the Nebraska Regional Coordinator for 12 chapters. Kelly Pelster, Erin’s Mom Omaha, Nebraska When the doorbell rang at 2:00 in the morning, on December 4th, 2008, my wife Deb and I found out our lives, as we knew them, would never again be the same. We were told that our daughter, Jessica, was involved in an accident and would not be coming home again. Our lives were shattered and we were in shock as we went through the motions the next few days, doing the things that no parent is ever prepared to do. In the days and weeks after we laid our only child to rest, we believed there could never be any happiness, nor reason for hope again in our lives. There would be no more laughter With luck we heard of a group of people just like us, called “The Compassionate Friends”. There were three local chapters close to where we lived and we attended each chapter regularly for four years. As we told our story and listened with great compassion to others tell their stories, we began to realize that we were not alone in the world. TCF helped us understand that we weren’t crazy, we were grieving. We didn’t immediately notice it, but one day we realized that we were not the ones needing help so much as we were now helping others who were newly bereaved. Today, we actually find ourselves laughing and socializing again as we are surrounded by others who share our pain as well as our healing. There is no better place to find support that The Compassionate Friends. Len Mysiewicz and Deb Clifford – Parents of Jessica Alene Mysiewicz Peotone, Illinois We Need Not Walk Alone|2 3

Dear Dr. Heidi, One month ago my sister died, I’m a Junior in High School, and I’m having problems concentrating on school work. Some of my teachers have been great, while others have not been understanding. Today I was told by my Science teacher, that it was unacceptable that my homework was not completed and that it had been a month since my brother’s death, and I needed to get back into the swing of things. Another teacher recently told me that I would be held to the same standards as the other students, and that I couldn’t use my brother’s death as an excuse forever. My heart goes out to you. Losing a sibling is very difficult and often misunderstood. Further, you have only been bereaved for a month, and it sounds like some of your teachers really don’t understand the intensity of grief after a sibling death. I would suggest setting up a meeting, and including your parents, guidance counselor, or a teacher you’re close to, and explaining your situation. The school may need some education around sibling loss. I have worked with many schools following a loss, and below are the following tips I share with teachers to help students feel supported and successfully transition back into school after loss: - Privately acknowledge how difficult it must be for the bereaved student to return to school, and check in with the student to see what concerns they might have about school. - Recognize that the student may have difficulty concentrating in class and don’t call on them. Allow them to answer questions only when they volunteer. - Reduce the volume of work expected, and allow for extensions if needed. Gradually increase expectations, once the student is ready to take on more work. Discuss these accommodations with the student privately to avoid embarrassment. - Allow the bereaved student to quietly leave the classroom if she needs a break. - Arrange for a safe place for the student to go, like the counselor’s office, if she is feeling overwhelmed by emotions. - Make sure the student has someone to talk to, such as the school counselor. - Don’t expect the student to be done with grieving within a certain time period. Dr. Heidi Horsley, PsyD, is a bereaved sibling as well as a psychologist. She is the executive director of the Open to Hope Foundation, cohost of the Open to Hope radio program, www.opentohope.com, an adjunct professor at Columbia University, and a national board member of The Compassionate Friends. She will be answering your questins related to loss, grief, and recovery for siblings. Please send your question to: Dr. Heidi Horsley, c/o The Compassionate Friends, PO Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696. When our only child, a daughter, Susan, age 16 died in an automobile accident in May, 1984, I remembered thinking, “There is no hope for us”. For the first time in our lives, we were powerless! Then, through meeting other bereaved parents at Compassionate Friends meetings, most especially parents who had been bereaved a number of years; we learned that we could go on with our lives. We found hope! Now, in thinking of the thousands of bereaved parents we have met and known over these past years, we are reminded of the wonderful words of Jean Keer: “Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” John and Rose Stanley, Susan’s Mom and Dad Gastonia, North Carolina 2 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

© deviantART/Fotolia.com Sharing My Secret Identity by Jordon Ferber There are some facts that are hard to tell people about. Even Friends. After every meeting, they would casually mention when I want to avoid talking about it, it seems that folks that there was a siblings group. Eventually I said to myself, want to learn more and feel the need to ask probing or un- “Ok, fine. I’ll go to a meeting, and we’ll never have to talk comfortable questions. So I’ll just come out and say it…I’m about this again. Because it’s not going to help.” a comedian. The joke was on me. I’ve been running that sibling group I am also a bereaved sibling. for almost 7 years now. Hearing other bereaved siblings open up and talk about their loss and their grief, I realized My 21-year-old brother Russell was killed in a car accident I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. Knowing that I wasn’t crazy. on July 6, 2002. He was my biggest fan and my best friend. Knowing that I had people to talk to about what I was going Russell’s death led me to question everything, especially my through. People who “got it.” I found myself able to talk identity. Who am I without him? Who am I in the context about Russell…about my despair. of who I am going to present to the world? As someone who spends an inordinate amount of time on Between my comedy career and my intense grief, I now stage talking about myself in front of strangers, it is surreal truly understand the saying: “It’s not about the destination, having this whole other part my life, this huge depression it’s about the journey.” And quite the journey of self-discov- hanging over me, that I didn’t talk about. Having TCF in my ery it’s been. life was a lifesaver. Crazy as it seemed, talking about it WAS helpful! I wish I could say that it gets easier. I wish it GOT easier. The good news is that it does get easier to recognize when I continue to talk about Russell. In addition to running my it will be difficult. The passage of time, the repetition of group, this year will mark my third opportunity to present holidays and of certain events, having gone through those a workshop on sibling grief at the TCF National Confer- occasions before lessens the anticipation. I’m also a lot bet- ence. (Two this year. “Suddenly Alone,” and “How’s Your ter at letting people know what I need from them, and more Mother?”) importantly, what I don’t. I am a bereaved person who has become comfortable in At first I was open to very little that might be helpful to me. talking about my grief. It has helped keep me sane. I now I was alone in my grief; no one could understand how much understand why my mom always said: “TCF is the place I lost. My parents had begun going to The Compassionate where hope lives.” We Need Not Walk Alone|2 5

News from the National Office Welcome New TCF Chapters: We thank our generous Brochure Sponsors #2439 TCF of Sabine ~ Sabine, LA Chartered ~ 1/2/2014 (Gifts received between October 1, 2013 - April 30, 2014) #2440 TCF of Oscoda Area ~ Oscoda, MI Chartered 1/14/2014 #1145 Miami Chapter sponsoring To the Newly Bereaved #2441 TCF of The Patapsco Valley Chapter ~ Ellicott City, MD in loving memory of thier children, Chartered 2/6/2014 grandchildren and siblings #2442 TCF of Key West ~ Key West, FL Anabel and Berto Oseguera Chartered 2/25/2014 sponsoring When an Employee is Grieving in memory of Andrew Alvaro Oseguera #2443 TCF of Shreveport/Bossier Chapter ~ Bossier City, LA Chartered 5/27/2014 Mary Anne Owens sponsoring The Sudden Death of a Child #2444 TCF of Eastern Missouri ~ O’Fallon, MO in memory of Mary Kay Owens and her dad Chartered 5/27/2014 Sue and Karl Snepp #2445 TCF of Western North Carolina ~ Waynesville, NC sponsoring How Can I Help Chartered 5/27/2014 in memory of Dave Snepp 2014 Regional Chapter Training Programs #1169 St. Paul Chapter sponsoring Understanding Grief January to May programs presented: Carmichael, CA Baton in loving memory of thier children, siblings and Norfolk, NE Knoxville, TN Rouge, LA Utica, NY Camp Hill, PA granchildren #2107 TCF of the District of Columbia Gaylord, MI sponsoring When a Child Dies...The Regional Training Programs soon to be offered in 2014: Compassionate Friends Can Help Kansas City, MO New York City, NY Rochester, NY in loving memory of thier children, siblings and Hartford, CT West Chester, PA Atlanta, GA grandchildren Tampa, FL NH/VT Area New Jersey Portland, OR Wilmington, NC Kinston, NC Raleigh, NC Columbus, OH Denver, CO Wisconsin, location TBD We thank our generous Sponsors of the National Office Barbara and Tom Joy and Neil Kitty Edler Kitty Edler Olga Kaplan Allen Brenckman in memory of in memory of in memory of in memory of Mark Edler Andrey Litvinenko in memory of Brian Edward Rich Edler James Lee Stallings Brenckman Starr Insurance Holdings, Inc. Barbara Gross in memory of in memory of Andrey Litvinenko James Lee Stallings 2 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

An Update from Chapter Services by Terry Novy When I think about The Compassionate Friends Chapters, cover 42 states. A Regional my first thought is “boy, have they come a long way!” My 18 Coordinator is the local contact years with TCF, the last 14 working with Chapters, has shown for Chapters in a state or area; they me how much time has changed how Chapters are managed. serve as the liaison between the In the past, the Chapter Leader stepped into a lifetime role, National Office and TCF Chapters. and shouldered the entire workload. Today, TCF Chapters This unique team of bereaved commonly have Chapter Co-Leaders with a working Steering parents, grandparents and bereaved Committee that share the chapter responsibilities. Other siblings understand the ups and recent changes continue to move us forward. In May, the downs of managing a local TCF Chapter Leadership Facebook page was introduced and Chapter as they have all been in a Chapter leadership role immediately became an instant success. Debbie Rambis is in the past. We are currently in the process of recruiting the Administrator of this closed group, and it already has Regional Coordinators for AL, IA, MA, OH, OR WA and over 200 members, who share Chapter experiences as well as WV; please contact me if you are interested. TCF also personal stories. introduced a Regional Coordinator’s Facebook Page in May. I am very proud of TCF’s Regional Coordinator Team; Regional Coordinator Cathy Seehuetter is the administrator we currently have 55 Regional Coordinators who for the closed site. It allows the RC Team to share, network and better serve the Chapters in their region. Our thanks to the following Chapters for their generosity (Gifts received between October 1, 2013 - April 30, 2014) Circle of Caring ($500-$999) #1308 TCF Fairfax Chapter #1525 Pekin Area Chapter #1173 Arlington Chapter in memory of all deceased children in memory of the children of the Pekin Area in memory of all their children, Darcie Sims and #2107 TCF of the District of Columbia Chapter in honor of Elizabeth Horwin in loving memory of thier children, siblings and #1466 South Suburban Chapter #1399 Brandywine Hundred Chapter grandchildren in memory of the children of the South Suburban in memory of children of the Brandywine #2299 TCF of the Washington, IN Area Chapter Hundred Chapter in memory of all of their children, grandchildren, #2316 TCF of Houston Inner Loop #1158 Manhattan Chapter siblings and Darcie Sims in memory of all their children, grandchildren in memory of their beloved children and siblings and siblings gone too soon #1145 Miami Chapter Circle of Support ($200-$499) in memory of all their children, grandchildren #1199 Bridgeport Chapter Circle of Friends ($50-$199) and siblings gone too soon in memory of all their beloved children #1870 Miami County Chapter #1169 St. Paul Chapter #1301 Minneapolis Chapter in memory of all their children lost in memory of Margaret ‘Peggy’ Nordquist in loving memory of their children, siblings and The Compassionate Friends Winnipeg granchildren Chapter, Canada in memory of Darcie Sims Ann Khadalia Becky Logsdon- Polly and Mac Janet and Pat Kathy and Chuck in memory of Dougherty Moore O’Donnell Collins Priya Khadalia in memory of in memory of in memory of Brian Patrick in memory of Darin Hart, Bill Lauren Paige O’Donnell Tiffanie Amber Logsdon, and Jim Moore Collins Vos We Need Not Walk Alone|2 7

The Compassionate Friends Worldwide © Christine Callahan Photography Candle Lighting unites family and friends © Carlos Baldoz around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor the memories of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and grandchildren who left too soon. As candles are lit at 7:00 p.m. local time, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memory of all children gone too soon. Clayton Clay at the TCF of Eastern Arkansas Worldwide Candle Lighting 2013 Worldwide Candle Lighting Over 600 programs were held for our 17th annual Worldwide Candle Lighting and over 4,000 messages were added to our 2013 Worldwide Candle Lighting Remembrance Book. Stamford Chapter Worldwide Candle Lighting 2 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

© JOE WOODS/Acorn Newspapers TCF of Ventura County CA Chapter Worldwide Candle Lighting Join us on ©Sergey Galushko/fotolia.com December 14, 2014 for the 18th Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting. We Need Not Walk Alone|2 9

In loving memory Darcie Sims “Thanks For the Little While” – On February 27th, 2013 our TCF family was saddened by the news that Darcie Sims had died. Darcie was my mentor, but the story of how she affected my life could be echoed by thousands of others in the TCF family whose lives have been equally touched by her incredible gift of loving guidance. This woman was simply in a league of her own in the world of grief education. Darcie’s ability to take the complex subject of grief and simplify it so that all could easily understand it made her the best at what she does. Her books, videos, workshops, and radio and television work have helped tens of thousands of people find hope on their grief journey. Darcie has been a true friend to TCF. She has served our organization as a chapter leader and as a member of our National Board of Directors. Her willingness to give was extraordinary as she returned to many national and regional conferences over the years to speak and present workshops for us. As an organization we offer our heartfelt condolences to Tony, Darcie’s husband and sidekick and the man behind the curtain keeping the Darcie Sims show on the road all of these years. We offer our condolences to her daughter Allie and son-in-law Greg and to the junior Ms. Darcie. Oh, how Darcie loved and adored her granddaughter. Those of us who have had the honor of knowing Darcie will never forget this amazing woman. She was a superstar in our world, and though we loaned her out to the rest of the world, there was no doubt that she was “our” superstar. Darcie was one of us, she listened to our stories, she felt our pain, she walked our walk, she was Big A’s mom. Darcie left you and I many treasures, she taught each of us how to laugh and cry at the same time, she taught us that we all grieve differently and the best gift we give each other is the gift of tolerance. Darcie left us the gift of her wonderful memories. Many of us are in great pain; as we try to wrap our minds around such a profound loss to our TCF family. I know Darcie would want us to take all the time we need to grieve and be sad for our loss, but I am betting she would also want us to take a moment to remember that she lived. So, as the tears come, grab a roll of toilet paper and stick it in your pocket, at your next TCF meeting remember to touch knees with the person next to you...and as you do these things…look upward to where Darcie is once again holding her precious Big A and say… “Thanks, For The Little While.” We’re going to miss you, sweet friend, Alan Pedersen, TCF Executive Director I attended my first TCF meeting 2 weeks after Aaron died. I knew that my son would want me to move forward and find hope from others. Four months later I attended my first National Conference. I discovered the love from strangers who seemed like old friends as I found compassion, hope, love and support when I needed it most. Many of these people have become dear friends. Four years have passed and I have gone through many hills and valleys, TCF has always been there when I needed to just “be” with others who knew the wounds of my heart. In finding hope, I have been able to help others. TCF is truly about finding support in our darkest hours and being able to find healing through the unexpected gift of lifting up a fellow parent, sibling or grandparent when they need it most. Thank you TCF for your unwavering support and for lifting up the memory of my beloved Aaron. Love does indeed go on. Kim Scholer, Aaron Seligman’s Mom Austin, Texas (TCF of Portland is where I found TCF) 3 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Richard Mirabile We are deeply saddened to announce that TCF has lost an extremely caring, dedicated and faithful friend. Massachusetts Regional Coordinator, Rick Mirabile, died Monday, April 28, 2014 after a long and gallant battle with melanoma. Four years after his son Richard Jr. died, Rick attended his first TCF event, the 2001 National Conference in Arlington, VA and later became Chapter leader and newsletter editor of the South Shore Chapter in Hingham, MA. In 2004, while Rick was heavily involved in the planning of the 2005 TCF National Conference being held in Boston, his daughter Lynn died unexpectedly, sadly, Rick and his wife, Ellen became bereaved parents for a second time. Rick continued on with his involvement in TCF, and eventually became Regional Coordinator for Massachusetts. During that time, Rick’s illness was diagnosed, yet he continued to be Regional Coordinator and when he heard that the National Conference would be returning to Boston again, he, without hesitation, took on the challenging responsibility of Conference chair for that 2013 National Conference. Despite an acceleration in his illness, he beautifully managed to chair the wonderful Conference held in Boston without missing a beat. His dedication to TCF was next to none. At that Conference, he also was the well-deserved recipient of the TCF Recognition Award that is given for outstanding service to TCF at a national level over a period of years. But those who have called Rick their friend know him to be much, much, more than the above titles and recognitions. He was an exceptionally kind, generous, compassionate, witty man who was particularly proud of his family and the fact that last autumn he became a grandfather for the first time when his grandson Patrick was born. To say Rick will be greatly missed doesn’t come close to the empty space - impossible to fill - left in the hearts of those who loved him. We send our sincerest and most heartfelt sympathy to Rick’s beloved family. To our our dear friend Rick, we carry you in our hearts this weekend as we do every day. You are so missed by so many. Your TCF family Dave was my only child; we had him for 20 wonderful years. On Aug. 20, 2008, Dave died in a car crash less than a mile from our house. My husband discovered the car and when I heard Dave was gone, life as I knew changed. If you asked me about hope back then I would have said, how dare you even think I could feel hope again? After Dave’s death I was simply existing and walking through a black tunnel where there was no light. There were no local chapters of TCF near us but we found the online chats and they helped us immensely. The first time we were on a chat it was hard to see the screen because I was crying so hard. Because of TCF I was meeting new friends who could help me on the journey. Two years ago we decided to charter The Compassionate Friends Chapter of Susquehanna Valley, PA. My tunnel did not disappear as for me this seems to be a life long journey, but now I know that I need not walk this journey alone. I have found some light and hope thanks to The Compassionate Friends. Renee Beisswanger, Dave’s Mom Danville, Pennsylvania We Need Not Walk Alone|3 1

The 38th National Conference by Joan Campbell, 2015 National Conference Chair The old saying goes “Everything is bigger in The Conference hotel is the big Texas,” and from all indications, TCF’s 38th and beautiful Hyatt Regency National Conference July 10-12, 2015 in Dallas, Downtown Dallas, its mirrored-glass Texas will be no exception! facade easily recognized from its cameo appearance in the “Dallas” The idea of a Texas Conference began as a big television show opening sequence. dream in my heart during the 2007 Walk to Over 1100 newly renovated guest Remember and a conversation with TCF founder rooms and warm, welcoming meeting Rev. Simon Stephens outside the Oklahoma City spaces eagerly await our “family Memorial site. That dream has spread and taken reunion.” The hotel offers several deep root in the big hearts of Compassionate restaurants, including Wolfgang Friends from all over Texas, and the enthusiasm Puck’s upscale “560”, revolving high has spread to our friends in neighboring atop the landmark Reunion Tower. Oklahoma and Louisiana. Our Conference The new Geo-Deck is open for those planning committee has already outgrown two who simply want to observe Dallas meeting rooms! from a birds-eye view. Whether you drive, fly or take the train, travel into Texans are an independent bunch, so we have Dallas is EASY! From either DFW International quite a list of big ideas and big plans to provide Airport or Dallas Love Field, take DART light rail big healing, big hope and even some big fun for all to Union Station, which connects to our hotel by who attend. After all, what other conference can tunnel. AMTRAK arrives at the same station. boast a “Cotton Bowl” room? Our Friday Night Fun involves some big numbers — we’ll need the BIG ballroom! The stars at night are not the only things that shine bright in Dallas, Texas! There’s a hint or two to get you thinking. We don’t want to give away too many surprises! The Hyatt is within easy walking distance of a wide variety of restaurants and historic sites, while the free D-Link connects to more distant destinations like museums, both arts districts, sports/concert venues, and even to the flagship Neiman Marcus store. Old Red Courthouse just down the block serves as the Tourist Information office, and the trolley stop is just across the street at Dealey Plaza. For the adventurous foodie, a 3 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Hyatt Regency Dallas and Reunion Tower short trip west across the signature Margaret Hunt Hill Many other attractions, sights and activities are nearby, so Bridge to the Trinity Groves restaurant “incubator” offers come early and stay long,. There is much, much more to see the talents and creativity of our newest up and coming local and do in our BIG beloved Lone Star State! We can’t wait to chefs, or visit the gourmet food trucks in Klyde Warren share it with you!! “BIG THINGS HAPPEN HERE!®” “Deck Park” built above a freeway! Executive Director Alan Pedersen at one of the Dallas “BIG” photo sites in March, 2014 To receive the official Texas Travel © Bill Campbell Guide, visit: www.traveltexas.com. We Need Not Walk Alone|3 3

(Dear Family and Friends, continued from page 5) not comprehend the grief of losing a child. While Janet and handshake in the kitchen, the traditional three squeeze sign, ‘I I were very appreciative of their kind thoughts expressed in love you’, communicated between dad and son. Although my such heartfelt fashion at their time of tremendous challenge heightened sense of concern continued I kept those thoughts we knew they didn’t ‘get it’. Though we were glad they did to myself. Later that night our 18-year-old son, our so beloved not truly understand our situation, we both began to think Brian, died in a car accident. The dreadful demarcation of we would not receive the comfort, the help we sought at this before and after Brian began and remains to this day. particular meeting. The circumstances that existed within General Grief ’s little army were just too different to help Weeks after the funeral, friends and family began returning soothe the stinging sensation of the complete emptiness of to their lives. Yet Janet and I continued struggling to face each that world in which we were now imprisoned. new day leading separate lives together in a house that would Something my dad said so often in the past haunted me, and never be the same. Overcome with feelings of hopelessness, now I understood the meaning in my head, ‘four walls do not we recognized our desperate need for understanding a prison make nor iron bars a cage.’ and help. We found a general grief support meeting that The last person in this grief session was a little lady who began to speak while clutching what appeared to be a was scheduled a photograph, although only the back panel was visible to our considerable distance group. She was sniffle crying while occasionally stopping away in an unfamiliar to look down at the framed 8 x 10 picture while she told community. Yet of her ‘little one’, her ‘dearest Samantha’ and how they did neither the distance ‘everything together’, how they would ‘huddle in rainstorms, nor our depleted watch TV while eating their meals together and cuddle in energy levels would comfortable sleep’. prevent us from As grieving parents we thought to ourselves ‘finally someone traveling to an who understands, someone who gets it’. We began to cry Andy giving his little brother, Brian a kiss unknown oasis in right along with this sad soul. We were beginning to feel a hope of possibly finding some answers, some comfort. We kinship believing we understood her pain and sense of utter both felt as though the clock was ticking on our existence. devastation buried in hopelessness. We wanted to jump up On arrival we entered the building and observed an array of and hug her right then and there, unified in our similar sad handmade signs such as “AA”, or “NA” and other welcoming circumstances. It was then that this most precious stranger symbols of good intentions offering hope for the hopeless. turned her beloved Samantha’s photograph around to share At the corridors end the ‘General Grief ’ sign announced its with all of us. There was no doubt that Samantha was cute presence identifying our destination. and obviously very lovable, but we were quite struck but the fact that Samantha was a cat. We love our pets as much as Janet and I joined in with a circle of participants that had anyone but this dear lady’s situation was in stark contrast to formed and the facilitator began with us. I could only get out the horror of losing a child, our beloved Brian. Someone in ‘son died, 18, car accident’. My heart would not allow injecting the group politely inquired if she ‘ever thought about getting ‘Brian’ into my comment. Unable to speak, Janet responded another cat? These folks just lost their son.’ The meeting to an offer to say something with a silent negative headshake abruptly ended. containing a thousand words. The next two couples told how As we walked toward the door the facilitator kindly handed their spouses of many decades had died. They described the me a referral card for another support group. We slid back deep sadness of their losses. Yet each of them turned toward into our vehicle and back again into our separate lonely us and acknowledged through their profound grief the loss landscape lives putting this shared experience in our rear of our eighteen-year-old son was the absolute worst situation view mirror. As we had driven to this meeting we were now imaginable. They kindly expressed their heartfelt sympathy. riding home in that suffocating silence that had so overtaken our existence. I had a thought and asked, ‘so what’s up with The next member of our new found little group was a lovely that cat?’ lady who recounted the dreadfulness of returning home Janet, who I think had been crying but in our new reality we from her late night shift as a nurse to find her husband lying found we always looked away lest the spouse see the other’s lifeless on their kitchen floor. She explained how heartbroken tears, said nothing but her shoulders bounced slightly up she was over the loss of the love of her life. Glancing in and down betraying a slightly stifled laugh. Turning towards our direction she commented, ‘your loss has to be the worst’. These kind strangers offered sincere sympathetic (continued) expressions of concern. They were honest that they could 3 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

We walked into the Green Bay, Wisconsin TCF regional conference with great trepidation. If either Don or I had shown the slightest desire to leave we would have gotten back in the car and driven home. What we found when we walked through those doors was a cocoon of love and understanding that these words don’t come close to expressing. We learned we weren’t going crazy because we couldn’t remember or couldn’t sleep or slept too much or had poor concentration, instead we learned we were grieving. Our tears were welcomed as well as our laughter. People weren’t afraid to tell us how handsome our son was and to listen to the story of his death, BUT, they also wanted to hear of his life. We learned we weren’t alone in fearing that he would be forgotten and a million other details. We didn’t only see people surviving, we saw people, like us, bearing this horrific pain, thriving. We did not want to leave and go back into the world where we did not feel ‘normal.’ It often happens that when I am running errands, feeling low and vulnerable, I will run into another compassionate friend and we hug, we say how much it helped to see each other and we go our separate directions walking a little taller because we are again reminded, we do not walk alone. Kim Bodeau, David’s Mom Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, TCF of Chippewa Chapter (continued) he should make an effort to attend this meeting. Tom spoke me crying, laughing, no words were exchanged but we got of a car accident that quickly turned into a flaming inferno off at the next freeway exit and had lunch. We really didn’t of mayhem that killed his wife, daughter and son. His only eat or drink much as hunger or thirst were so often simply surviving child, his 10-year-old daughter, was left fighting afterthoughts, but we were someplace, we had laughed, we for her life with burns over much of her body. Months had cried and we were together for the first time in a long later after ‘too many operations to count’ Tom was visiting time. his daughter before yet another procedure. They finished Later that month, Janet and I forced ourselves to attend the their conversation and he began to leave the room as he grief support meeting referenced by the facilitator at the had done so many times before but this time he glanced general grief session. For me it was 38 steps from our car to back at his daughter. This was unusual because normally he the grief support meeting held each Tuesday of the month. While I am neither a psychologist nor escape artist, I counted (continued on page 36) the distance because it was all I could think of to help me get myself into a meeting of bereaved strangers, into the Patrick and Janet O’Donnell’s last picture together with their sons, unknown and perhaps plan a retreat should that become a Andy and Brian (right) desired option. We had found The Compassionate Friends. Being first time attendees and newly bereaved, we were We Need Not Walk Alone|3 5 escorted to a small room, as incredibly to us, there were 9 first time visitors this night. Those that could talk told their story. I remember the couple that had their son get sick on Monday and die on Friday from a disease of which I had never heard. What I did hear was that he was 45 and my jealousy rose thinking ‘you had your child for 27 years longer than us and how lucky you are and you don’t even know it!’ Then a gentleman talked of losing his four year old in a pedestrian vehicle accident and I was ashamed to think I had just been mad at someone for having his or her child so much longer than me, when this poor father had his daughter for 14 years less than we had our Brian. Then Tom told his story. Tom talked of how he had not been to a TCF meeting in several years but all day he had a feeling

(Dear Family and Friends, continued from page 35) our most precious pet lover pal, but I am so grateful for them waited until he was a safe distance outside her room before both. They changed and saved my life. The lessons learned allowing himself to lose his composure and cry, as he refused with my compassionate friends that first night and over the to let his daughter witness the darkness and depths of his 14 years since our Brian passed, the 42 years since my big sadness and despair. Tom noticed his daughter had a tear little brother Billy died, the comfort my Dad found at the very on her cheek and hurrying back to her offered comfort, first chapter of TCF in the USA in 1973, my brother Jim and reminding her how she would go to sleep and the doctors Tom who have passed in the last 7 years, four years as a TCF and nurses promised they would take special care of her and chapter leader, co-chairing a national conference committee when she woke up she would be getting better and someday in 2006, 7 years on the TCF board of directors and the last that she would be ‘alright.’ four as president has taught me a great many lessons. Within His little girl replied, ‘I am not worried about me, Daddy, I that education no instrument of learning has contained a am worried about you, that you will not be all right, that if more positive influence in my life than the gratitude I carry something happens to you, I will be all alone.’ Tom looked every day for all of you, my compassionate friends. at us, looked at me directly in the eye, on this first of many To all grieving people who are new to the TCF family, TCF nights for us, that at that precise moment in time with despite your persistent stunning pain please keep seeking the his child in her hospital bed that he knew, then and there, that positive, attempt to let go of the negative and never give up he would survive. Tom knew that the constantly prevailing trying to survive. Give TCF a chance and perhaps something profound doubt of his further existence in this world was similar to what happened to us will happen to you. Someone gone, that he would always be there for his little girl. If he had helpful or some constructive circumstance or both will occur any say in the matter she would never be alone. Tom telling that will help you to begin to put together your humpty- us of his experience touched our hearts deeply. I knew in that dumpty heart. instant, that if Tom could survive his horrific tragedy so too could we. We returned to a TCF meeting, time and again, for On behalf of my dear wife Janet, our son Andy who is here many years at first to get help and then to give it. That is the and our Brian who is there, we say thank you. miracle that is The Compassionate Friends. Never again did we see our first TCF friend named Tom, nor Pat O’Donnell Bereaved Sibling and Dad 3 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

With sincere gratitude and deep appreciation, we acknowledge the ©believeinme33/fotolia.com generosity of the following individuals and organizations for their gifts to The Compassionate Friends. Your commitment and support are essential to fulfilling our mission. The following patron donations were received between October 1, 2013 - April 30, 2014. We Need Not Walk Alone|3 7

Simon Stephens Founder’s Jean and Richard Dew Brian Donohue Helen and Presley Belcher Circle ($10,000 +) in memory of Bradley Morris Dew in memory of Jack Donohue in memory of Cally Belcher Carol and Dale Dullabaun Cathi and Mark Duffy Mary and John Bell Gloria and Phil Horsley in memory of Dale L. Dullabaun, III in memory of Frankie J. Hooker, Jr in memory of Susan Elizabeth Bell in memory of Scott Preston Horsley and Exel North America, Inc Carol and Arthur Ehde Benjamin Moore & Co. Darcie Sims Carol and George Faulk in memory of Pamela Lais and Don and Libby and Danny Berry Virginia and Stephen Maguire in memory of John Elijah and Colby Lorraine Bauman in memory of Ross Black, Shaun Berry in memory of Kelly Lynch and Sharon Hewitt Faulk Scott Frewing and Charlotte Drew and Luke Hilton Mark Gedlinske in memory of Ella Hoelscher Suzanne and Bill Berry Beard in memory of Justin Lee Clayton, Peggy and David Gibson in memory of Marc Brendan Hubler and Lisa D. 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Darsey and Andrew Tyler Rivera Wyatt Carlson Margo and Irv Cohen Martha Davenport Joanne Douglas in memory of Megan and Reid Carlson in memory of Alex Cohen in memory of Lauren Kristina in memory of Katie Dawn Carlton Sharon and Butch Colbert Davenport Caryl Dow Welch in memory of Barbara L. Carlton and in memory of Lionel J.M. Colbert and Leslie Davidson in memory of Justin D. Chabot James D. Carlton Anna J. Colbert in memory of Patrick Ross Davidson, Jr Denise and Randy Dowell Karen and Ken Carr Diane and Robert Collicott Dawn Davis in memory of Victoria Rachelle Dowell in memory of Kevin Carr in memory of Mandee Collicott in memory of Liz Krehm Wendy and Keith Downen Mr. C. Herbert Carson Gordon Collins Edith Davis in memory of Adam Troy Downen in memory of Joel M. Carson in memory of Cindy Kessler and Tony in memory of Janet Elaine Davis Elaine and Paul Drack Carrie Caruso Catalfino, III James and Paula Davison in memory of Tony Cabrera Sherry and Alan Collins in memory of Spc Jared Aaron Davison in memory of Lisa E. Drack Teresa and Vic Casada in memory of A.J. Collins Sandy and Dan Dawson F. Rodney Drake, M.D. in memory of Troy William Casada Donna and Patrick Combs in memory of Colby Dawson in memory of Jimmy Drake Phyllis and Jim Casey in memory of Matthew Thomas Combs Margaret Day Linda and Steve Dressler in memory of Jimmer Casey Mary Comly in memory of Conner Day in memory of Jessica Dressler Suzanne and Henry Cassel Linda and Mike Commuso Angela and John Dazzo Virginia Drollinger in memory of Greg Cassel in memory of Zachary Commuso in memory of Stephanie Dazzo Paterek in memory of Jacob Martin Drollinger Beverly Cavanaugh Susan Conley Deborah and Gary Dearman Robert Dufek in memory of Holly Lynn Cavanaugh in memory of Brian William Conley in memory of Donovan Ray Dearman in memory of Joseph Dufek Janet Celly ConocoPhillips Company Jean and Roger DeHaan Kay and Michael Duncan in memory of Eric Johnson Andrea Contino Rayford in memory of Hannah Marie DeHaan in memory of Jon Ashley Duncan and Mark Cernekee in memory of Michael Contino Nowacki Robin and Barton Dellarmi Jamison Michael Duncan in memory of Jennifer Cernekee Sharon and James Cook in memory of Jed Christian Dellarmi Janet Chapman in memory of James B. Cook, Jr Cheryl and David DeLong Dorothea and Stephen Dunham in memory of Jesse Chapman Greenberg Terry Cook in memory of Kyle Moore and in honor in memory of Brian Gregory Dunham Ellie Chapman-Ciraulo in memory of Jonathan Cook of Eric Moore Beverly and Bob Dunnavant in memory of Phil Ciraulo Francine Cooper Bruce and Helen Dement in memory of Robby Dunnavant Ingrid Chartrand in memory of Patrick Cooper and Josh in memory of Melanie Dement Mary Alice Dyal in memory of Sonya Chartrand Robertson Mary Denien in memory of Lorraine Dyal and Jimmy Barbara and Eric Chazen Kenneth Cooper in memory of Gary Robert Denien Dyal in memory of Geoffrey David Chazen in memory of Sarah Jean Cooper Debra Dermack Carole and Peter Dyck Marilyn Chernin Laurie Cooper and Howard in memory of Melissa Ditta in memory of Christopher Peter Dyck in memory of Anthony Cavallo, Jr Fankhauser Lynn and Charles Derrick Pat and Jeff Dyson The Chillman Family in memory of Colin Fankhauser in memory of Michael Derrick in memory of Blake Dyson in memory of Katherine A. Chillman Lisa and Jason Corning Joseph DeSantis Steve Earl Bernie, Tom and Kyle Chrismer in memory of Anne Marie Corning in memory of Donnamarie DeSantis in memory of Mark Frain in memory of Carolyn Marie Chrismer Valerie Cortinovis and Joseph P. DeSantis, Jr Donna and Ralph Eastman Marie Christ in memory of Martin Cortinovis JJ and Ines Deschamps in memory of Ralph Michael Eastman in memory of Lisa Marie Christ Susi Costello in memory of Kristen Kearns and in Penny Ecord Larry Christensen in memory of Tigerlily Bridges honor of Carol Kearns in memory of Robert D. Knapp in memory of Andy Christensen Linda Coughlin Brooks Judy Dever Babs Eddington Barbara Christoff in memory of Carei Ann Coughlin in memory of Joshua Dever and John in memory of Mary Eddington in memory of Brian Michael Christoff Patricia and John Cox Strasser Julie and Bill Edgar Ronda and Ron Christopher in memory of Sandra Ann Taylor Mary Ann DeVience in memory of Michael Edgar in memory of Troy Christopher Sharon and George Craig in memory of Baby Lucas Roni Edgmon Carol Cibulskis in memory of Isaac Burle Craig Judy Devlin in memory of Ryan Edgmon in memory of Janet Marie Cibulskis Cindy Cranfield in memory of Judith Ann Kehde Dottie and Jim Edler Patricia Cinquegrana in memory of Jared Redden Rosemarie DeWeese Girard in memory of Mark and Richard Edler in memory of John David Bartholomew Lesly Crowder in memory of Kaeli Amie DeWeese Donna and David Edmiston Cinquegrana in memory of Ryan Crowder in memory of Paul D. Edmiston (continued on page 42) We Need Not Walk Alone|41

(continued from page 41) Geri and Richard Fennell Kai Frykman Judy Gorham in memory of Richard J. Fennell, Jr. in memory of Emma Kristen Kearns in memory of Darrell Gorham Thomas Edwards Davis USN (Ret) ‘Ricky’ Stephanie Fuller Dorene Goryeb in memory of Mary Frances Sonnabend Martha and Dick Fenoglio in memory of Robin Nicole Troupe in memory of Gregg Goryeb Carol and Jimmy Egoian in memory of Judith Fenoglio Daw Paula and Larry Funk George Govatos in memory of J. ‘Blake’ C. Egoian Dianne Fichter in memory of Anna Lynn Funk and in memory of Laura Govatos Colleen Ehret in memory of Michael Justin Hoggard Michael Austin Sally and Joseph Grablick in memory of Brandt Koehler Karolyn and Jeff Field Dawn and James Gadd in memory of Ryan Wecker Kenneth Eichhorn in memory of Heather Ann Field in memory of Jesse Thomas Gadd Kay Grace in memory of Adam Eichhorn Cathy Fielder Jane and David Gadd in memory of Deede Grace Christine and Andrew Eickstaedt in memory of David Matthew Gray in memory of Lindsey Gadd Marilyn and Tim Grace in memory of Kaylen Arthur Eickstaedt Fielder Mary Jane and John Gahagan in memory of Megan Candice Grace Kathy and Dennis Einck Brenda and Orange Fields in memory of Sean Gahagan Betty Graham in memory of Brenda and Brian Einck in memory of Jordan John Fields Gary Gameson in memory of Mary E. Graham Elizabeth Eldredge Julie and Daniel Fields in memory of John Eric Gameson Pamela and David Graham in honor of Rick Mirabile in memory of Baby Cobb and in honor Martha Garcia in memory of Evan Lloyd Graham Elaine and Tom Emery of James and Gretchen Cobb in memory of Arthur Anthony Garcia, Jr Charlotte Green in memory of Thomas John Emery Antonia Filipiak Robyn and Ken Garside in memory of Glenn A. Menn and Becky and Richard Engborg in memory of Leon C. Harwood in memory of Kaitlyn Garside Mathew Green in memory of Andrew Engorg Allison and Mark Finkelstein Elizabeth Garvey Diana Green Sue Ensley in memory of David Samuel Finkelstein in memory of Richard James (Richie) in memory of Tigerlily Bridges in memory of TSGT Ken Wayne Ensley Lola Finkelstein Garvey Joann and Bill Green Kathleen Enterline in honor of Daniel Yoffe Gloria Garza in memory of Baby E Terry and Chris Finklein in memory of Daniel V. Garza in memory of Peter Warren Green Barbara Erickson in memory of Dianne Marie Finklein Ramona Gasper David Greetham Mary and William Ermatinger Sharon and Tom Fischer in memory of John Schultz in memory of Megan Greetham- in memory of Kathy Ermatinger in memory of Jodi Lynn Fischer and Evelyn Gaudrault Robbins Celestine Ervin Jeffrey Thomas Fischer in memory of Paul Gaudrault Georgia Grena in memory of Shawn Michael Ervin and Judy Fish Tammy and Michael Gauld in memory of Emily Ann McElroy in honor of Charles Neil Ervin, III Cheryl and Bill Fisher in memory of Bradley Ryan McBurney Carolyn Griffin Karen and Bob Erwin in memory of Jesse William Fisher Barbara Gearty in memory of Allan Wayne Barnes in memory of Jill Christine Erwin Shirley Fisher in memory of Shane Patrick Gearty Mary Griffith Donna and Carmine Esposito in memory of John Mark Fisher John Geraci in memory of Benjamin W. Griffith in memory of Carmine M. Esposito, III Helen and John Flaherty in memory of Leslie Geraci Hart Eva Grin Patricia and Gene Essenmacher in memory of Bridgette Lynn Flaherty Nancy and Chris Germain in memory of Henry Szor in memory of Megan Suzanne Penny and Manny Flecker in memory of Nicholas Ryan Germain Diane and Michael Gross Essenmacher in memory of 1LT Norman T.S. Flecker Dale Gersch in memory of Marque Ari Thompson Joanne Estes H.R.H. Fleur in memory of Jasmine Johnson Mitchell Groters in memory of Colby McCarthy in memory of Errol Lewis Hughes Diane and George Gianocostas in memory of Samantha Janelle and Fred Etoch Bernard Foldy in memory of Jennifer Gianocostas Robin and Bobby Grubbs in memory of Evan Etoch in memory of Holly Foldy Juanita Gibbs in memory of Robby Grubbs Kathy, James and Brian Evans Mary-Joan and Mark Foley Robert Gibson Bonnie and Don Grundel in memory of Melanie Ruth Locklear in memory of Nicole Berman, Laura The Gillespie Family in memory of Robert Keith Moore, Jr Jan and Cliff Ewing Gillett, and Kevin Conners in memory of Darcie Sims Cathleen Grzanich in memory of Glenn Ewing Louise and Mark Foreman Paula Gilligan in memory of Claire Therese Grzanich JoAnne and Augie Fabietti in memory of Jordan M. Johnson in memory of Ryan J. Gilligan Gulfport High School Class of 1962 in memory of Tom Fabietti Nancy and Doug Fortier Jennifer and Tim Ginther in memory of your class members Frank Failla in memory of Jeffrey Brian Fortier in memory of Aaron R. Ginther, Adam children and Charles Galloway in memory of Emily and Lauren Failla Lynne and Roger Foster J. Ginther and Allen T. Ginther Lucy and C.H. Gunthorpe Mary Ellen Falk in memory of Mark Jason Foster Michael Giuliano in memory of Vinny Capozzi in memory of Steven M. and Daniel M. Annabel and Errol Foster-Davis Gina Glassford Betty and Dennis Haaland Falk in memory of Ian Martin in memory of Claire Glassford in memory of Aaron Dennis Haaland Bernard Faller Schneggenburger Nancy and W. Rex Gleim Mr. and Mrs. Gary Haas in memory of Robert Faller Michele and Mark Fracasso in memory of Ryan Huston Gleim in memory of Steven Haas Connie and Greg Famularo in memory of Mark R. Fracasso, Jr Jean Glick Valerie and Lauren Haenn in memory of Brendan O’Neill Maria Franjul-Ruff in memory of Joel Jeffrey Glick in memory of Jeff Hauler and Ben Shirley Fandrick in memory of Luis Lara Kim Godin Wheeler in memory of Charlotte Kuttner Debra and Dustin Frazier Dianne and Richard Godwin Elsie and Ronald Hale Jackie and Ken Fanion in memory of A.J. and Cobin Lee in memory of Rodney Godwin in memory of Ron C. Hale and Cailin in memory of Mark A. Fanion Frazier Mary and Howard Goetz Hale Kathleen Fargey Renee and David Freilich in memory of Howie Goetz, III Sandra and Roger Hale in memory of Beth Fargey in memory of Trent Tirpak Thomas Gold in memory of David H. Hale Maryellen Fargey Elisa Friedbauer and John Myer in memory of William Harris Gold Ann and Mike Hall in memory of Beth Fargey in memory of Theodore Roger Lambrou Marlene and Fred Goldberg in memory of Kyle Davis Simonson Carol and Mike Farina Betsy and Bob Friedl in memory of Dr. Elliot D. Goldberg, Cleo and Tom Hall in memory of Vincent K. Farina in memory of Drew Lawrence MD in memory of Morgan Hall Gloria and Valerie Fava Barbara and Bob Fritz Rita Goldfarb Geordie Hall in memory of Stephen Ronald Fava in memory of Eric Fritz in memory of Jeffrey Goldfarb Hawes in memory of Elisha Hall Janice and David Feaga Maureen and Dean Fromm Gloria and Nick Gonzalez Tamara and Don Hallis in memory of Travis Feaga in memory of Lt. Friedrich Fromm in memory of Nicholas F. Gonzalez in memory of Shayler Richard Hallis Natalya and David Federinko Donna and Ken Fry Mary Ellen Good Rita Halpern Lois Feeney in memory of Steven Schneidewind in memory of Devon Ransom Knight in memory of Peter Halpern in memory of John R. Feeney William Fry Catharina and Neil Goodale Scarlett Hamel-Roman Pam and Bud Feldkamp in memory of Christopher Read Fry and in memory of Brien Ross Goodale in memory of Juan Carlos Hernandez in memory of Irving Moore ‘Chase’ Peggy Read Fry Hamel Feldkamp 4 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Alice and John Hamilton Linda and Van Henning Barbara Husk Robert Kaplan in memory of Danny Hamilton in memory of Marc E. Henning in memory of Mark Edward Husk in memory of Alison Ruth Kaplan Donna Handley Suzi Henrichs and Harry Hull Amy Hysell Maddie and Cliff Kasden in memory of Julie Renee Zanotti in memory of Audrey Hull in memory of Robert, Amanda and in memory of Neill Perri Janet and Frank Hanig Julie and Greg Henry Julie Hysell Karen and Mort Kass in memory of Adam Hanig in memory of Emily McElroy and in Deb and Russ Imlay in memory of Matthew Kass Margie and Hal Hankel honor of Mark and Morgan in memory of Seth Michael Imlay Karen Kassin in memory of Matthew Ryan Hankel Delores Hensley Judy Immel in memory of Brian J. Kassin John Hanna in memory of Nichole Lee Hensley in memory of David Immel Maxine and Walter Katz in memory of Mark Hanna (Boogie) Charlotte Irick Ruthie and Kent Hannegan Andrea Herbold and Adam Petrick in memory of Margaret, Joey and Jeffrey in memory of Samuel Katz in memory of John Hannegan in memory of Viviette Lula Schaaf Jean, Jerry and Greg Irving Spencer Kauffman Teri Hansen Mr. and Mrs. Keith Herman in memory of Skyler Kauffman in memory of Anna Paulson in memory of Robby Herman in memory of Kara Lynne Irving Marilyn Kaye Kyle Hanson The Hernandez-Shepherd Family Charlotte and Gary Isaak in memory of Daryn David Kaye and in memory of Chandie Hanson in memory of Teresa A. Duran-Lopes in memory of Brian Isaak Melody Ann Kaye Maryann, Kyle and Rachael Haraldsen Sylvia and Mark Hester Janet Ivinson Bob Kearns and Family in memory of Kevin and Keith in memory of Ethan Matthew Hester in memory of Thomas B. Ivinson, Jr in memory of Emma Kristen Kearns Haraldsen and in honor of Wendy Sunday and Robert Hicks Lynn and Robert Jacobs Carol Kearns and Robert Bingham Haraldsen in memory of Robert Dean Hicks, Jr in memory of Brenda M. Jacobs in memory of Kristen Michele Kearns Martha Hardee and Richard Anthony Hicks Donna and Marvin Jansen and Emma Kristen Kearns in memory of Katherine Anne Duff Sharon and Robert Higgins in memory of Matthew Thomas and Christopher Kelley Joan Harmon in memory of Andy Higgins Andrew Phillip Jansen in memory of Erin Pelster Kie Hill Betsy and Michael Jarrett in memory of Jeremy Michael Kelley Sally Harper in memory of Tigerlily Bridges and Ella in memory of Michael Jarrett, Jr James Kelley in memory of Daniel Balkovitz Reid Hill Suzanne and Kerwin Jeffery in memory of Casey Kelley Teri Harper Pauline Hill in memory of Benjamin Kerwin Jeffery Linda and Peter Kelley in honor of David Akers in memory of Candice (Candy) Hill Janet Jenkins in memory of Jason Kelley Bernice Harris Deb Hilmoe-Jurgens and Wes Jurgens in memory of Alan Jenkins Erika and Jereme Kelley and Family in memory of Andrea Michelle Harris in memory of Chase Michael Hilmoe Karen Jenkins in memory of Matt Thorne and in Marilyn and Ron Harris Elsie Hobbs in memory of Geoffrey P. Edwards honor of Hershal and Marla Kelley in memory of Philip Harris in memory of Myra Hedgepeth and Sue and Jack Jerovsek Linda and Peter Kelly Claire Harrison Wyatt Hedgepeth in memory of Robert Jack Jerovsek in memory of Tara Kelly in memory of Michael Raymond Norman Hoffer Barbara and Donald Johnson Patty and Dan Kelly Harrison in memory of Randy Hoffer in memory of Donald Jeffrey Johnson Karen Harrison Pat and Fred Hoffman Marsha Johnson in memory of Christina Westmoreland in memory of David William Harrison in memory of Emily Hoffman in memory of Joan Walen Shirley and Tom Kelly Malgorzata Harvat Joan and Dale Hofmeister Michele and Steve Johnson in memory of Kristine Marie Kelly in memory of Michal Martin in memory of Dennis M. Hofmeister in memory of Lindsay Marie Johnson John Kemble Shirley Harvey Doris and John Holcombe Pamela Johnson in memory of Mary Frances Sonnabend in memory of Andrea Harvey in memory of Scott Holcombe in memory of Lori Campbell Adam Kempa Nancy and Kurt Hashemian Paula and Mike Holder Robert Johnson in memory of Chris Kempa in memory of Aaron Hashemian in memory of Andrew (Drew) Holder in memory of Riley Johnson Helene Kendall Renee Hawkins Sharon Holliday-Norris Sandra Johnson in memory of Paul Stephan Kendall in memory of Daniel Lawrence in memory of Charles Holliday in memory of Mark James Johnson Barbara and John Kennedy Hawkins Lynda Holman Terry and Andy Johnson in memory of Laura Kennedy Margot Hayner Stamus in memory of Richard Holman in memory of Brain Husted Johnson Kathy Kerdus in memory of Don Hayner Ellen Holmsen Gwendolyn Johnson and Family in memory of Erin ‘Little’ Lukas Haynes in memory of Leif Edward Smith in memory of Antonio F. Cid Dianna and Hossein Keshari in memory of Lulu Haynes Janet Hooten Amanda and Larry Johnston in memory of Michelle Lynn Keshari John Hayward in memory of Bradley Jonathan Gill in memory of Alexander and Brice Kubischke in memory of Carolyn Hayward Karen and Michael Horeth Johnston Dianne and Ira Kessler Othell and Bill Heaney in memory of Jordan Michael Horeth Lucille and Steve Johs in memory of Donna Munch in memory of Roger and Kevin Heaney Diane and Kurt Horning in memory of Nicky Johs Joann and Gene Keyandwy Eileen and Todd Heck in memory of Matthew D. Horning Pam and Marvin Jones in memory of Scott Eugene Keyandwy in memory of Luke Matthew Heck Norma and Joe Hostetler in memory of Landon Paul Jones Edward Kiefski Vicki Heilweil in memory of Carol Jean Hostetler Susan and David Jones in memory of Eddie Kiefski in memory of Neil C. Heilweil Joan Hotchkis in memory of Eric Allen Jones Catherine King Debbie Heitzenrater Denise and Wendell Hottmann Lori Jones and Shirlee Roper in memory of Sean King in memory of Ryan V. Heitzenrater in memory of Matthew Hottmann in memory of Vinnie J. Simons and Donald King Holly Helfman Ann and Steve Hubbard Lonnie L. Roper, II Leslie and Dick King in memory of Ryan Helfman in memory of Christopher Hubbard Joseph’s Destiny Foundation in memory of Brian Richard King Sara Heller Amy and Jeff Hubert in memory of Joseph Matranga Lisa King in memory of Jeffrey Alan Hicks and in memory of James Kyle Hubert Joanne Joyner in memory of Wesley Dragos Eldon Williams Hicks Pat Hufford in memory of Christopher L. Meridith Mollie and A.P. King Sue and Mike Hemesath in memory of Yancy Derek Hufford Harmony Jupiter in memory of Julie Glennon King in memory of Stacy Ann Hemesath Gretchen and Morgan Hullinger in memory of Hannah Beth Engle Sheila King Katherine Henderson in memory of Jackson jan Hullinger JustGive.org in memory of Jeffery D. King in memory of Matthew Munroe Doris Hummel Anthony Kakis Julia and Henry Kinstlinger Henderson Katherine and Arthur Hunt in memory of Tiffani Marie Pennix in memory of Joseph Kinstlinger Ricia Hendrick in memory of David A. Hunt Jan Kameros Kristie Kirby in memory of Lisa Kay Mackinnon and Karen Huper in memory of Judith Ann Kehde in memory of Cole Walter Clint Mackinnon Jane Hurlock Beryl Kaminsky Nancy and Gary Kirkland David Hendricks in memory of Elizabeth Hurlock and in memory of Dawn and Chad Bushnell in memory of Kristian R. Kirkland in memory of David Hendricks, II Buddy Hurlock Gloria and Erwin Kamrath Gloria and Mike Kissel and Family in memory of Tami Kamrath Hess in memory of Kim Kissel (continued on page 44) We Need Not Walk Alone|4 3

(continued from page 43) Kelly and Ron Landsverk Barbara and Clyde Lord Vicki Massey in memory of Brittney Rose Landsverk in memory of Sharon Lord in memory of Melissa Phillips Carole and Joseph Klug Victoria and Michael Lane Kristi and Gary Lovett David Mathes in memory of Joshua Klug in memory of Brett Lane in memory of Mandie Lovett in memory of Andy Mathes Raida and Roger Knapp Terry Lange Penney and Gary Lowmiller Mary Anne and Joe Mattero in memory of Eric Lorin Knapp in memory of Scott Lange in memory of John P. Michael, Jr in memory of Peter Martin Mattero Richard Knight Donna Larman Junko and Kem Lowry Barbara Matteson in memory of Hollie Marie Knight in memory of George A. Bold, IV in memory of George Pellegrin Kim McArthur Teri Knop Julie and Don Larson Kathleen Lutes in memory of Brandon Griffiths Connie Koch in memory of Gregory Shawn Larson in memory of Kelsey Ann Lutes Maureen McCarthy in memory of Daniel Edward Koch Leanne Larson and Family Brenda and Leonard Luxmore in memory of Ryan Cannizzaro Susan and Jim Koch in memory of Grace Silver and in honor in memory of Cpl Bryant J. Luxmore Jane and Steve McCartney in memory of Jacob Koch of Bill, Mary and Lily Teresa and Cory Lyman in memory of Erin McCartney Betty and Stephen Koczan Josy LaSala in memory of Matt Lyman Nusbaum in memory of John Anthony Koczan in memory of Michael Stingone Mark Lynch Cindy and Mike McClain Pamela and Frank Kokomoor Janice Lazarone in memory of Monica Lynch in memory of Dylan Michael McClain in memory of Zachary Henry in memory of Eddie Kohler Margaret Lyons Barbara McClenahan Kokomoor Elizabeth and Charles Lean in memory of Charlotte Kuttner in memory of David C. McClenahan Leanne Konawalik in honor of Lois Copeland Jo and Rick Machon Mary McConnell in memory of Ryne Matthew Konawalik Ellen Lee in memory of Madison Jo Gecho in memory of Raymond Claude Debbie and Mitchell Koppelman in memory of Stephen F. Lee Jayne MacKay McConnell in memory of Kelly and Tani Kristin and Arnold Lee in memory of Gracie MacKay Stephanie and Todd McCrery Allan and Brent Korsower Legacy.com Inc Patricia and John MacMillan in memory of Olivia Nicole McCrery in memory of Sgt. Jason S. Korsower Carolyn Lekas Poirier and James P. in memory of Sean MacMillan Lindsey McDivitt Linda and Mike Kosovec Lekas Timothy MacNamara in memory of Marita Grobbelaar and in memory of Lauren Ann Kosovec in memory of Patrice Carolyn Lekas Kirsten and Chris Maddox Mauritz Meyer Irene and Edward Kostetsky Ginny and Gary Lensing in memory of Andrw Wayne Maddox Barbara McDonald in memory of Daniel Kostetsky Irving Leon Savithri Maddula in memory of Sean Christopher Jane Kowalski Leslie Lerner in memory of Brindha Reddy Maddula McDonald in memory of Tina Kowalski in memory of Michael Anthony Bonito Marilyn Magnet Debbie and Buddy McFadden Alice Kozik Ann Letheby in memory of all our children in memory of Keith McFadden in memory of Regina Ann Kozik and in memory of Matthew Ryan Letheby Jacque and Kevin Maher Susan and Jeff McGranahan Kristine Katherine Kozik and Earl Letheby in memory of Cpl. Jarrod Maher in memory of Ian Alexander Debbie and Vince Kozsdiy Faye Levine Robert Malkowski McGranahan in memory of Aileen Kozsdiy in memory of Marc David Levine in memory of Thomas Malkowski Patricia McGuigan Dan Krall Susan and Robert Levy Stephen Malley in memory of Joshua David Ostapowicz in memory of Peter Joseph Krall and in in memory of Chandra Levy in memory of Kevin William Malley Barbara McIntosh honor of Joseph and Valerie Krall Cheryl and Walt Lewis Anita Mallory in memory of Eric Brezeale Mitchell Krasnopoler and Susan in memory of Randy Lee Lewis in memory of Justin Brook Mallory Diane McIntosh and Jennifer Mehlert Cohen Jan and Steve Lewis Kathy and Patrick Malone in memory of Natalie Diane Trebon in memory of Nathan Krasnopoler in memory of Danny Lewis in memory of Lance, Erin and Scott Rhonda, Jeff and Emily McKenna Susan and Harvey Krauss Diana and Jeff Lewno Malone in memory of Tracy Ragan McKenna in memory of Mitchell Krauss in memory of Ashley Nicole Lewno Arvind Manocha and Gideon Malone McKesson Foundation Mary Krill Carol Lieberman in memory of Emily Ann McElroy and Claude McKibben in memory of John Jerome Krill and Joel in memory of Daniel Lieberman in honor of Morgan and Mark McElroy in memory of Corey A. McKibben J. Krill Tina Liepins Wayne Mansur Marcia McLaren and Dominic Ascani William Kuehn in memory of Tyler James Liepins in memory of Blaize Curtis Mansur in memory of Emma Kristen Kearns in memory of Timothy A. Kuehn Patricia and Stephen Limongelli Bonnie Mantyla Terri and Robert McMahon Kathryn, Adrienne and Mark Kurtz in memory of Stephen Mario Jody Marchand in memory of Meaghan E. McMahon in memory of Michael B. Kurtz Limongelli, Jr in memory of Olivia Marchand Candy and Mike McManigal Valerie and Robert Kurtz Skip Lind Joan and Joel Marcus in memory of PFC Cody Baker in memory of Jason Kurtz Cheryl Lingle in memory of David Marcus Beverly and Mike McMurphy Bebe and Ken Kushner in memory of Darcie Sims Lucila and John Margaretis and in memory of Robin Lynn McMurphy in memory of Mark Edler Tamara and Terry Liptow Family Jeanne McNeil Mary and James Labesky in memory of Brenda Lee Liptow in memory of Liliana Michelle in memory of Mike and Laurie McNeil in memory of Benjamin E. Jostad Sandra and Gordon Little Margaretis Marcia and Frankie McQueen Audrey Labiche Julia Marie in memory of Trina Marie McQueen in memory of Mark Anthony Labiche in memory of Amanda Morgan Little in memory of Tadd Mitchell Hogland Maureen and Frank Medeiros Nancy and Dean Laffey Lorraine Lloyd Diane and Dominic Mark in memory of David J. Medeiros in memory of Philip Dean Laffey in memory of Gregory James Lloyd in memory of Alena Rose Mark Dorothy Meehan Christine LaFore Gretchen Loeber Sheldon Markel in memory of Darcy M. Wood in memory of Jason Malachi LaFore in memory of Ryan Christopher and in memory of Stephen Markel Lee Ann Meiborg and Christian M.T. LaFore Justin Michael Beasley Mary and Martin Marlowe in memory of Amanda Leigh Meiborg Lee Ann and Rick Lamb Camille and Louis Lombardo in memory of Benjamin Andrea Meigs in memory of Katie Lamb in memory of Jennifer Lombardo Veronica and George Marosi in memory of Alexandra Nina Meigs Nancy and Scott Lambert Lynn Lonergan in memory of Kristine Marosi Joyce Melchert in memory of Brad Douglas Wildasin in memory of Donnie Keith Rice, Yolanda and Randy Marsh in memory of Mark Evan Melchert Carol and Larry Lamothe Lonnie Dean Rice and Tyler Jame Tripp in memory of Stephanie Lauren Marsh Audrey and Donnie Mercer in memory of Mark Stephen Lamothe Anthony Longo Rita and Paul Marth in memory of Rodney Allen Mercer Donna and Tom Lancaster in memory of Chris Marie Longo in memory of Christopher Marth Betty and Del Mercure in memory of Shane Lancaster Michele Longo Eder Sharon and Luis Martin in memory of Carrie Ann Mercure Lona Landauer in memory of Benjamin Alan Eder in memory of Danielle Lhelgoualch Nancy Merricle in memory of Jason Landauer Wendy and Richard Looker Steve Mason in memory of Robert ‘Rob’ Spaur Robin and Michael Landry in memory of Wayne Robert Looker in memory of Christopher ‘Mase’ Mason Marty and Steve Miceli in memory of Emily Anne Landry Beth Ann Loquasto Stewart in memory of Viviette Lula Schaaf in memory of Beverly Ann Loquasto 4 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Microsoft Giving Campaign Nancy, Rudy and Mike Morrison John O’Donnell Cheryl Paquette Becky and Tom Mikowski in memory of David Anthony Morrison in memory of Mary Elizabeth Lannen in memory of Bryant David Paquette in memory of Peyton Alese Mikowski Mr. R.S. Mosby Mr. and Mrs. Henry O’Donnell Mary Ellen Parker Ruth Millar in memory of Chris Mosby in memory of John Patrick ‘JP’ in memory of Robbie Parker in memory of Lynn Patricia Millar Helen and Jim Moseley O’Donnell Barbara Parsons Betty and Pierce Miller in memory of Erika Lynn Moseley Mary O’Hanlon in memory of Robert D. Parsons in memory of Rhett Pierce Miller Thelma Mullens in memory of Eryn Goble Mary Pattison Camilla Miller in memory of Judy Mullens Wyatt JoAnn and Bill O’Hare in memory of Larry Pattison in memory of Timothy Turner and Barbara Mulligan in memory of Michael J. O’Hare Scharolette Pavlisin Marlin Polen in memory of Christopher Michael Bill O’Keefe and Amy Patterson in memory of Kyle Robinson Judith Miller Mulligan in memory of Elizabeth Whidden Gena Pearson in memory of Hiliary Grun Laura and Andrew Munts Connie and Darrell O’Kelley in memory of Michael Joseph Stansbury, Jr Liz and Bruce Miller in memory of Darcie Sims in memory of Maureen Nicole O’Kelley Nancy and Greg Pekar in memory of Timothy Broemmer Miller Anita Muonio Sherry Oliphant in memory of Gregory Loera Marilyn Miller in memory of Joseph Daniel, Zachariah in memory of Trey Oliphant Vicki and Pete Pellerito in memory of Scott A. Miller and Jeffery Paul Benjamin, and Noah David Judy and Harvey Olitsky in memory of Annemarie Pellerito L. Miller Muonio in memory of Aaron Samuel Olitsky Pemberton Insurance Agency Rosemarie and Bill Miller Debbie Murchison-Perri Cindy and Nick Oliva in memory of Eric Pemberton in memory of Heather Lee Wierbilis in memory of Darcie Sims in memory of Stephanie Anne Oliva PepsiCo Foundation Sharon and Toby Miller Elizabeth Murolo Shari O’Loughlin and Bryan Mantsch Milagros and Pedro Perez in memory of Brendon Miller in memory of Sergio Murolo in memory of Connor O’Loughlin in memory of Lazaro (Papa) Perez Woody Miller Cheryl Murphy Mantsch Perns Foot and Ankle, PC in memory of Jeff Miller in memory of Patrick J. Murphy, Jr David Olson in memory of Mark and Paul Tracy Milne Julie and Patrick Murphy Stella and Eugene Onwunaka Shirley and Leonard Peters in memory of Andrew G. Milne in memory of Ryan Murphy in memory of Chinweuba in memory of Mari L. Peters Prill Patty Mini Sue and Don Murphy Heanyichukwu Onwunaka Lisa and Dan Peterson in memory of Timothy Richeson in memory of Jessica Lee Murphy Patricia Oppenheim Hovander in memory of Daniel John Ramirez Nancy Miniaci Husein Murrar in memory of Elena Hovander Betsey and Patrick Petit in memory of Jason Steven Cahill in memory of Adlai A. Murrar Doris O’Reilly-Dillon in memory of Sarah Ellen Petit Jerry Minkin Kathy and Vincent Mustica in memory of Heather Dillon Rosemary Petrill in memory of Jason Minkin in memory of Michael A. Mustica Sharon and George Orff in memory of Fre’ Austin and in honor Johnnie Mitchell Joyce Myers in memory of Rachael Rene’e Chan of Suzanne T. Powell in memory of Derek J. Mitchell and in memory of Karen J. Myers Mary O’Riordan Beverly and David Pfeifle James F. Mitchell Anne Nadel in memory of Michael Patrick in memory of Jeffrey David Pfeifle Mr. and Mrs. Richard Mitchell in memory of Bathen Austin O’Riordan Adelia and Al Phillip in memory of William Alexander Lewis Elinor and Tetsuo Najita Joanne Orlando in memory of Jason O. Phillip Mitchell in memory of Mie Najita Leida Orosz Theresa Phillips Juliann and Richard Moeller Art and Mary Narverud in memory of Francis Orosz in memory of Mary Cullen and Sam in memory of Terri Lynn Moeller Julie and Gary Nass Karen O’Rourke Phillips Nancy Moeller in memory of Brandon Kitchens in memory of Carrie Ortiz Janice Piccarini in memory of Kevin and David Conway Andrea and Nello Naticchione Helen and Ron Orr in memory of Mike Piccarini Betsey and Robert Mohlenbrok in memory of Nello Naticchione, III in memory of Kristine Orr Penny and John Piccolo in memory of Michael Robert and Judy and Bruce Nelson Jean Orr in memory of Bob Davis and Jake Davis Thomas Andrew in memory of Brian Nelson in memory of Chad J. Orr Donna and Allen Pietig Kris Molde The Newburn Family Ed Osborn and Marcia Muggli in memory of Amber Renee Pietig in memory of Kelly Andrews in memory of Jeanna Davis in memory of Emma Kristen Kearns Diane and Thad Pietrzyk Suzanne Moll Joyce Newstat and Susan Lowenberg Sylvia and Cliff Ossorio in memory of Thomas Pietrzyk in memory of Lori Catherine Moll in memory of Emma Kristen Kearns in memory of Trinka Micol Baggetta Judy Pinsonnault and Bob Pablo Nancy Molle Carol Nichols Ken Ostrow in memory of Nick, Brian and Josh in memory of William Plummer in memory of Drew Nichols in memory of Christy Ostrow Cheri and Gerry Plath Sandra Moller Diane Nichols Fields Betty and Merlin Oswald in memory of Mark Todd Plath in memory of Matthew Moller in memory of David C. Nichols in memory of Tessie Jo Oswald Harris Anne and Steve Platt Kathy and Steve Monte Leyla Nickerson Marilyn and George Oswald in memory of Jeanne Marie Platt in memory of Chad William Monte in memory of Devon Burgess in memory of Steven G. Oswald Pontiac Trail Pharmacy Jodi and Bill Monteleone Patricia Nigro Leila Otey Mary Powell in memory of Nicholas Peter in memory of Joey Nigro, Jr in memory of Brad Spelman in memory of Emma Kristen Kearns Monteleone Sue and Frank Nisenfeld Linda and John Pace Mary and Patric Powell Jane and Lloyd Moore in memory of Andrew Nisenfeld in memory of Keith Austin Pace in memory of Emma Kristen Kearns in memory of Gregory Lloyd Moore and Etta and Charles Nissman Robin and Pete Padavana Lori and Kevin Power Scott Micahel Meade in memory of Jeffrey Nissman in memory of Peter J. Padavana in memory of Justin Kyle See Judy Moore Jeanette Norden Julie Pagano Salvatore Praga in memory of Karen Moore Hayden in memory of Paige Gibson and Ryan in memory of Barbara Knoertzer in memory of Nick Praga and Marc Jane and Dean Moren Wiseman Rao Palagummi Mirabile in memory of Joel Albert Moren Mary Jo and Michael Nowobilski in memory of Padmapriya Palagummi Jean Prebis Vicki and Lee Morgan in memory of Michael Nowobilski, Jr Iris Palley Cheryl Pressly Melissa Moriarty Lois Nyman in memory of Jeremy Palley in memory of Angela Pressly George in memory of Matthew Wansor in memory of Sharon & Larry Dolores and Robert Palmer Gloria Price Linda and Larry Moris Joan and Bob Nypaver in memory of James Robert Palmer in memory of Phillip Andrew Price in memory of Larry Matthew in memory of Theresa Marie Nypaver Mary and Ted Palmer LeeAnn and David Price Maria Morles Maureen O’Brien in memory of Mark Palmer in memory of Dustin B. Price in memory of Karina Spaulonci in memory of Caroline Margaret Field Judy and Rich Pantalino Arlene Priest Bonita Morlese Sherry O’Brien in memory of Jimmy Pantalino in memory of Marc Priest in memory of Dwayne A. James in memory of Kevin Patrick O’Brien Alma and Art Pantoja Tina and Greg Pringle Charles Morrison Winnie O’Connor in memory of Art Pantoja, Jr in memory of Scottie Sheets, Jr in memory of Charles Fitts Morrison in memory of Brian P. O’Connor (continued on page 46) We Need Not Walk Alone|4 5

(continued from page 45) Nancy Riker Marlene Rybicki Jonathan Scilken in memory of Harry Roesch in memory of Eric Rybicki in memory of David Scilken Karen Protiva Cheryl Rinda Eliza Rzeszotarski Sharon and Paul Scioli in memory of John A. Protiva in memory of David C. Bill in memory of Rosanne Rzeszotarski in memory of Anthony Ryan Scioli Shirley Pruitt-Streetman Rosemary and Roger Rivers Lorraine and Gene Sacco Sue and Mike Scofield in memory of Gary C. Pruitt in memory of Gregory S. Rivers in memory of Reid R. Sacco in memory of Ryan D. Scofield Public Strategy Associates Riverview Charter School Kathleen and Brett Sachse Deborah and Timothy Scott in honor of Brian Collins in memory of Mary Francis Sonnabend in memory of Claire Alexis Sachse in memory of Justin Stewart Scott Margaret and Bernie Puglisi Connie and Tim Robbins Sharon Saferite Lela Scott in memory of Scott Puglisi in memory of Jerry Timothy Robbins, II in memory of Patricia Ann Kelley in memory of Gabriel DeWayne White Betty Pullitt Jennifer Roberts Jean and Don Safreed Mary Beth and Ed Scully in memory of Rob Frail in memory of Dave Snepp in memory of Rachel Anne Safreed in memory of Tim Scully Christine and Dennis Puricelli Mary and Victor Roberts Nadene Sales Cathy and Michael Seckington in memory of Emilie E. Puricelli in memory of Craig and Joshua Roberts Nancy and Alan Sallman and Jennifer in memory of Kaitlyn Seckington Dick Quaintance Nancy Roberts Miller Allen Segrist in memory of Ross Quaintance in memory of Dave Snepp and Andy in memory of Jonathon Sallman in memory of Donna M. Segrist, Anne Virginia Quearry Billman Barbara and Evan Salop L. Segrist and James W. Segrist in memory of Bruce Quearry Billie Robinson in memory of Dr. Bob Bauer Mary and Ken Seibert Darlene Quinlin in memory of Donny Woytowitz Edith and Robert Salter in memory of Samantha Elizabeth in memory of Eric Quinlin Jamie and Bryan Robinson Clayton Samels Seibert Margaret and Bob Rabold in memory of Joshua Robinson in memory of Robert Clayton Samels Bliss and James Sellers in memory of Billy Rabold Katherine Rodgers Susan Sammons in memory of Andrea Bliss Deller Marion Racine in memory of Jesse Rodgers in memory of Jared Lee Sammons Mr. and Mrs. Richard Semenick Jennifer and Scott Radosevich Marina Rodriguez Nina Sanders in memory of Dr. Robert Keith Moore, Jr in memory of Benjamin Radosevich in memory of Daniel Cole in memory of Sue and Ryan Joan and Stewart Senator Paula and Gene Radtke Norma and William Rollinger Martha and Mike Santoro in memory of Stephen Eric Senator in memory of David Radtke in memory of Celeste Ann Kinney in memory of Paula Rosina Santoro Leonor Shahid Diana Ralston Linda and George Romano Sarah Elizabeth Dargon Foundation in memory of Khalid M. Shahid in memory of Eric Deerwester in memory of Michael Louis Romano in memory of Sarah Elizabeth Dargon Elizabeth and Edward Sharkey Dave Rama Debra Romans Valerie Sari in memory of Timothy J. Sharkey Dianne Ranick and Chris Craiker in memory of Brett William Hatch in memory of Andrew Sari and Steven Rose and Norman Sharp in memory of Ryan Craiker Jodi Rooney Dienno in memory of Diana Rose Sharp Anne and Bert Raphael in memory of Brendan Terrence Rooney Mr. and Mrs. Martin Scafidi Sandie and Johnny Sharp in memory of Katherine L. Raphael Kay and Ken Rosburg in memory of Daniel Scafidi in memory of Shelby Wayne Langley Susan Rapp in memory of Stephanie Rosburg Lynn and Emerson Scarborough Janet Sharpe in memory of Eric R. Lawton Dale Rose in memory of Sarah Stewart in memory of Bob, John and Matthew Sharon and Chris Rasmussen in memory of Brian Frankline Rose Scarborough and Mary Ashley Shedd Friends in memory of Adrian Rasmussen Myrna Rose Scarborough in memory of Viviette Lula Schaaf Micki and Bob Rathjen in memory of Dean Bradley Stone Sharon and Raymond Scesa Annette and Patrick Sheehan in memory of Dorothy Danielle Rathjen Bettye and Sam Rosenberg in memory of Kyle Scesa in memory of Jeremiah Thomas Carol and Mike Ray in memory of Michael Phillip Rosenberg Linda and Larry Schafer Sheehan in memory of Joshua Michael Ray Karen and David Rosenthal in memory of Kimberly Ann Schafer Lou Anne and Lee Sheehan Carol Raymond in memory of Rebekah Elizabeth Schill Hughes in memory of Timothy Patrick Sheehan in memory of Geoffrey Rau Bernice Ross in memory of Emily Ann McElroy Barbara Sheehy Mary Reader and Stacey Green in memory of Peter Allen Ross Clara Schkolnik Diana and David Shelton in memory of Lindsey Hayden McLain Jami and Terry Ross in memory of Gerard S. Schkolnik in memory of Mindy Lee Shelton Reader in memory of Tera Marie Ross Marie Schmeltzer Cynthia and Michael Sherlock Diane and Stephen Reece Lauren Rossi in memory of Samuel Schmeltzer in memory of Catherine Sherlock in memory of Andrea Dawn Reece Vincent Rossi Sheryl and Howard Schmidt Kay and Gene Shiflett Elisabeth and Greg Reed in memory of Doug and Tony Gratton in memory of Allison Beth Schmidt in memory of Mary Frances Sonnabend in memory of Kevin Michael Reed Dawn Rossmark Ann Schoenhard Linda Shively Linda and Stephen Reed in memory of Gene Rossmark, Jr Anne Schouten in memory of Jessica Irene Fernandes in memory of Stephen ‘Ryan’ Reed Pnina and Mike Rothenberg in memory of Ray, David, and Tiffany April and Willie Shiver Cookie and Cote Reese Cindy Rothfeder Schouten and Cloe Banks in memory of Doris Kushner in memory of Tania Tre’panier in memory of Jonathan Wildes Barbara Schrage Marti and Julien Shoemaker Kathleen and Tom Regan Becky Rotkowski in memory of Olivia Mary Katherine in memory of David Hilton Shoemaker in memory of Brian Regan in memory of Brian Rotkowski Cerone Sammye and Dennis Short Remembering Our Children Sharon Rudenick Peggy and David Schreck in memory of Matt Short in memory of your children in memory of Shayde Rudenick in memory of Denise Schreck Willadean and JL Short Rexnord Foundation Deloris and Larry Rueber Joan and Richard Schroeder in memory of Danielle Lee Short and Carol Rhodebeck in memory of Kenneth Edward Rueber in memory of Jack T. Schroeder and Tiesa Amber Short in memory of Steve Burge, Mel Heckert, Sandy and Kenny Rupp Kyle Kozar Kathy and John Shoucair Drake Heckert and Chuck Wachtel in memory of Chris Rupp Paula and Bob Schultz in memory of Jeffrey Ryan Shoucair Richard French, Inc. Libby and Jim Rush in memory of Jeff and Melissa Cleaves Ron Sibley Karen Richardson in memory of David L. Rush Vickie and Norman Schuring in memory of Laurie Jean Sibley in memory of Megan Richardson Christine Russo in memory of Michael J. Schuring Colleen and Bryan Sibthorp Stella and E.W. Richardson in memory of William Pyra Lisbeth and Douglas Schwab in memory of Rowan Margaret Sibthorp in memory of Laura Jean Richardson Patricia Russo in memory of Lori Ann Schwab Board of Directors & Staff of SIDS of Penny and Loren Rickerl in memory of Steven C. Belenchia Elizabeth Schwartz Illinois, Inc. in memory of Kelsey Rickerl Ann and Jeff Rutan in memory of James Gordon in memory of Darcie Sims Dee Ricketts in memory of Jimmy Calogero Nancy and Micah Schwartz J’Nell and Dennis Sidwell in memory of David Ricketts Sandy and Ron Ruth in memory of Kara Schwartz in memory of Alaina Marie Sidwell Susan and John Ridley in memory of Brian David Ruth Patty and David Schwartz Martha and Philip Sieck in memory of Justin J. Ridley Jeanette Ryan in memory of Andrew J. Schwartz in memory of Lauren V. Sieck Ellen Rieger in memory of Ryan McCray in memory of Ethan Everett Martin 4 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Anne Marie and Craig Siegman Norman Stanhope Richard Talomie Lin and Sol Toder in memory of Keith Patrick Riley Audrey Stanley in memory of Joe and David Talomie in memory of Nan Toder Jayne and John Siever in memory of John W. Craven Sara and Timothy Tamburrino Elizabeth and Robert Tolley in memory of Tommy Siever Sandy Stanley in memory of Carl Matthew in memory of Alan Clark Tolley Daniel Simon in memory of Jon Christopher Stanley Tamburrino and in honor of all the Martha and Carl Tomanelli in memory of Daniel Simon, Jr Julia and Scott Starkey Families who have gone through the in memory of Kristin Marie Mary Ann and Ralph Simon in memory of Carson Starkey death of a child Underkoffler in memory of Sean Emmett Simon Peggy and Bill Steffan Cathie and Gary Tani Carmen and Jamie Torres, Jr. Sue and Phil Simonson in memory of David G. Miller in memory of Christopher Sadao Tani in memory of Marcelo Torres in memory of Kyle Davis Simonson Michael Stemmons Gerry and Eliot Taratoot Bridie and Paul Tracy Ginny and Walt Simpson in memory of Amy Bartelmey and in memory of Andrea Johanna Taratoot in memory of Paul Tracy, Jr. and Tom in memory of Greg Simpson Stephen Hough Kimberly Taylor Tracy Ruth and Tom Sines Zelda Stern in memory of Tiffanie Amber Collins Peggy and Tim Trant in memory of Joshua Jay Sines in memory of Michael Y. Stern and in honor of Chuck and Kathy in memory of Ryan Matthew Trant Carmela and Tom Slivinski Martha and Homer Stevens Collins Lynn and Gary Trapp in memory of Francesca Slivinski in memory of Elizabeth Ashley Stevens Linda Taylor in memory of Jeremy Nicholas Trapp Norman Slomann and Gail Webster Cheryl and David Stewart in memory of Linda Elaine Glenn Olivia Trigerous in memory of Mr. and Mrs. Ken in memory of Timothy Paul Stewart Marilyn and Quirt Taylor in memory of Victor M. Trigerous, Jr LaConde’s granddaughter Esther Stillman in memory of Sra. Robin A. Taylor and Fred Troutman Melba and Glenn Smit in memory of Tracy Michelle Kreisberg Sra. Corey Vaughan in memory of Jonathan Michael in memory of Henry Charles Smit Jean Stives Mary and George Taylor Troutman Daryl Smith in memory of Alec Stives in memory of Shawn Taylor Connie and David Truelsch in memory of Finell White and in honor Marlene Stokes Samuel Taylor in memory of Rebecca of Henry Rhodes in memory of Darren Stokes in memory of Ozzie Mary Lee and George Truesdale Janet and Robert Smith Ruth Stoller Susan and Mitch Taylor in memory of Scott Truedale in memory of Kristi Mildred Smith in memory of David Jay Stoller in memory of Madison Taylor Karen and Mehmet Tumay Wainscott Ciri, Scott and Sayra Stom Kathy Teipen in memory of Peri Tumay Roden Jim Smith in memory of Jeremy and Jean (Jon) in memory of Darcie Sims Ann and Bruce Turner in memory of Isaac Garza Stom Rochelle and Orv Teising in memory of Aine Marie Phillips Judith and Hodges Smith Ms. D. Stone Davis in memory of Emma Kristen Kearns Jo Ann Turner in memory of Tyler Leger in memory of Amy Malone Davis Tiho Teisl in memory of E. Dean Turner, IV Mona Smith Robin and John Stopa in memory of Rosemarie Teisl Sharon and Michael Turner in memory of Scott R. Smith in memory of Lexy Stopa Katherine Tender in memory of Michael Cory Turner Kathleen and Jim Smock Jim Stoups and Claire McCoy in memory of Scott Potthoff Julie and Garry Tuttle in memory of David James Smock in memory of Amy Sturgill Tennyson Family Foundation in memory of Troy A. Tuttle Liz Snyder Wynne Stovall in memory of Jill Ellen Tennyson Daniel Tyler and Joan Smith in memory of Matt Snyder in memory of David B. Stovall Nancy and Tom Terrill in memory of Jacqueline Jennifer Smith Marchelle and Michael Snyder Peggy and Lewis Strader in memory of Matthew C. Terrill Taylor in memory of Daniel Patrick Snyder in memory of Christopher Lewis Strader Patricia and Mark Terry Susan and Kevin Underwood Cheryl and Michael Soden Bea and Rafa Stroble Robert Tessler in honor of Kathy and Bill Cowie in memory of Derek Robert Soden in memory of Luis Walter and Teresa in memory of Michael Lloyd Tessler Lois and Dilawar Uthman Debra Sokolow Carolina Stroble Patsy Tetta and Anthony D’Aquino in memory of Laila Uthman in memory of Anton Sokolow-Nikolic Sharon Strouse in memory of Matthew and Michael Betty and Ed Valentine Dianne, Daniel and Joshua Solomon in memory of Kristin Rita Strouse Tetta in memory of Kara Lyn MacIver in memory of Zachary Solomon Lorna and Richard Strudell The Linda and Henry Wasserstein Mary and Max Van Buren Helen and David Solomon in memory of Miles Leo Daniel Foundation in memory of Matthew Van Buren in memory of Philip Solomon Mary Ann and Terry Strupczewski in memory of Debbie Schurmann Ann and William Van Cleave Donna and Elly Sophier in memory of Michelle Strupczewski The Ridge Blackburn Memorial Road in memory of Alexander Roehl Van in memory of Sean Sophier Bobbie Stubler Rally Cleave Susan and Sal Souto in memory of Nicholas Lee Stubler in memory of Ridgway Westin Victoria Vandewater in memory of James Grant Souto Demet and Taclan Suerdem Blackburn in memory of James L. Vandewater, IV Lorraine Spadavecchia in memory of Sevi A. Suerdem Michelle and Rob Theroux Adele VanOverbeke in memory of Judith Kehde Norita and Tim Sullivan in memory of Matthew James Theroux in memory of Dave Fulford Frances and James Spataro in memory of Iwan T. Spolsky Laura and Bob Thielbar Faith Varcadipane-Brueno in memory of Angel Spataro Barbara Sunderland and John in memory of Justin Thielbar in memory of Noah Varcadipane Lorraine Spear Manousso Debbie Thomas Bonnie and Gary Vick in memory of Kimberly J. Spear in memory of Robertinho Sunderland in memory of Dickie Tourtellotte in memory of Michael J. Vick Sharon Spence Coimbra Christine Thomforde Manu Videki in memory of Lisa Marie Rash Jean and Jim Sutter in memory of Christopher in memory of Kavita Jain Roberta Spencer Irene and Fred Sutton Cynthia Thompson VistaPrint USA, Inc. in memory of Robert F. Spencer in memory of Jim Sutton in memory of Branden Thompson Mary and V. Robert Vitolins Christine and Stephen Spiro Laura and Steve Swain Kathy Thompson in memory of Laura Vitolins in memory of Logan Gentry in memory of Andrew James Swain in memory of Robert ‘Robby’ Bushey Amy Voelker Lue and Donald Splittorff Susan Switalski Irene and Robert Thornton in memory of Roy McConnell, in memory of Brandon Splittorff in memory of Andrew Justin Switalski in memory of Patrick Shinoda Thornton III, Nathan McConnell and Kelly Marie Elena and Stephen Spruck Hillary and Louis Sykes West Priscilla Thoroughgood McConnell in memory of Stephen and Suzana in memory of Colin Thomas West and in memory of Kendra G. Enochs Clara and Clifford Vogt Spruck Thomas Sykes Sandy and Scot Timm in memory of Dave Snepp and in honor St. John the Apostle Catholic Church Suzanne and Michael Sylvina in memory of Bryan Timm of Sue, Karl and Karen Snepp in memory of Darcie Sims in memory of Stacy Sylvina Connell Thelma Timmer Julie and Larry Vogt Bobbi and Tony Stagliano Barbara and Thomas Szerensits in memory of Lisa Joy Timmer in memory of Grant Vogt in memory of Christian Edward in memory of Mark J. Szerensits Jean Tobias Jackie and Rod Von Behren Stagliano Nancy Talley in memory of Naomi Boone in memory of Marissa Tracy and Dale Stallo in memory of Criag Talley Diane Tobin in memory of Curtis Stallo in memory of Pamela Roberson (continued on page 48) We Need Not Walk Alone|4 7

TCF Board of Directors (continued from page 47) Mark Weiss in memory of Or Oved-Weiss Patrick E. O’Donnell Beverly Voorstad Irma Weissbein in memory of Mieke Danielle in memory of Sarah Leslie Weissbein President Judy Wade Linda and Rudy Weissberg in memory of Jim Roush in memory of Rudy Weissberg Westland, MI Georgia and Clark Wagner Harriet Weissman Georgia Cockerham Chuck Collins in memory of Emma Kristen Kearns in memory of Edward Weissman Patricia and David Wagner Kathy Weldon Vice President Fairfax, VA in memory of Dr. Robert Keith Moore in memory of Doris L. Clayton Mary Lou Wagstaff Luan Wells Brookings, OR Steve Czirr in memory of Sarah Margaret Wagstaff in memory of Andrea and Jessica Steve Schmeisser Spring Hill, TN Cynthia Wainright Kimball Almeida in memory of Wayne Gordy Pamela and Bo Wells Treasurer Heidi Horsley Anna Wald and Joel Kaufman in memory of Clinton B. Wells DePere, WI in memory of Joshua Wald Peggy Wells Linda and Glenn Walker in memory of Rachel Mary Rutledge Nivia Vázquez New York, NY in memory of Daniel Walker Barbara Wessels Secretary Ann Khadalia Walking Seven Feedlot Inc in memory of Roger H. Matos Linda Wallace Martina and Robert West Guaynabo, PR Concord, CA in memory of Benjamin Wallace in memory of Serena West Nancy Wallace Briordy David West and Family Barbara Allen Glen Lord in memory of Daniel Wallace in memory of Joel Thelen Ellicott City, MD Nashua, NH Alice and Reuben Waller Sheryl and Stanley Westerman in memory of Jonathan and Dufford in memory of Darren Craig Westerman Joan Campbell Tracy Milne Jennifer and Doug Walner Carey Wheelock Waxahachie, TX Sibling Representative in memory of Rocket Williams in memory of Meredith Iris Wheelock Molly and Robert Walsh Camille and Hugh White Estero, FL in memory of Drew Walsh in memory of Hugh A. White, Jr. Jeanne and Robert Walz Joy White Alan Pedersen Lisa Corrao in memory of Kelly Thompson and Carl in memory of Mark Schreck Executive Director Chief Operating Officer Walz Nancy and Ron White Anne Walz Calvey in memory of Keith C. White dRoseville, CA Mokena, IL in memory of Annie Lois Kortsch Patricia and Walter White Iris and Murray Warren in memory of Aaron Scott White and TCF Staff in memory of April Warren Page Randy Carter White Patricia Warren Stephanie and Robert White Terry Novy in memory of William B. Jones in memory of Johanna White Director of Chapter Services George Warsaw Karen Whitman Washington State Funeral Directors in memory of Benjamin Eugene Theresa Mendez Association Whitman, Jr Accounting and Database Coordinator in memory of Darcie Sims Mary and Suzanne Widmer Sue Weatherford in memory of Michael J. Widmer Sara Zeigler in memory of Kris Weatherford Becky and Dan Wieder Communications Coordinator Merryl and Steve Weber in memory of Lisa Wieder in memory of Adam Weber Donna and Jim Wierciak Darlene Lutka Nancy and Norman Weiler, Cynthia in memory of Michael J. Wierciak Receptionist and Administrative Assistant Sticker and Andrew Moyad Theresa Wiggins in memory of Judith Ann Kehde in memory of Shawn Christopher Joan Ireland Mr. and Mrs. Harvey Weisberg Wiggins Executive Administrative Assistant Joan and Stan Weiss Linda Wilburn in memory of Jonathan P. Weiss in memory of Orbie DeWayne Wilburn Carol Fennell Margo and Richard Weiss Barbara and Jim Williams Resource Aide in memory of Brian J. Weiss in memory of Gregory Dean Williams and Kimberly Dawn Williams Correspondence for The Compassionate Friends Staff © viperagp/fotolia.com should be sent to: TCF National Office, Our 18 year old son, Raymond, died on November 11, 2009 from th Compassionate Friends meeting six days later. When we walked into tha 1000 Jorie Boulevard, Suite 140, Oak Brook, IL 60523 One woman had lost a daughter around our son’s age to illness, unders someone similar to our circumstances. 4 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone However, my “ah-ha” moment came while attending my first National C California. It was there that I heard one of the speakers say that a child for a number of years. To truly heal, I had to get past focusing on that on nearly 19 years, It was way too short, but it was a good life. TCF definitely gave me hope and we now try to help others in honor of R

Debora Williams Mary Woods We Need Not Walk Alone in memory of Christopher R. Williams in memory of Mike and Chris Yasick Jill and Gregg Williams Beverly Wright To have material considered for publication, send to: in memory of Morgan Leigh Williams in memory of Rhonda Andrews [email protected] Louise and Jeff Williams Dorothy Wright or TCF National Office, WNNWA in memory of Kara-Lynn Williams in memory of Tigerlily Bridges PO Box 3696 Nancy and Jack Williams Jeanine Wright Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 in memory of Gregory and Jeffrey in memory of W. Jason Wright Williams Betty Yanchulis and Clarke Ahlers Executive Director Pamela Williams in memory of Tyler Yates Alan Pedersen in memory of Meredith Williams Kathleen and Gary Yanka Robin and Steve Williams in memory of Eric L. Yanka Chief Operating Officer in memory of Meri August Jones Judy Yates Lisa Corrao Marsha Williams-Creek in memory of Stanley Yates, Maria Designer in memory of Lee Tyler Williams Yates, Cheryl Punt, Brain Pun Anthony Sara Zeigler Sandra Williamson Hoekstra, Erica Hoekstra and Paige in memory of Christopher Williamson Punt TCF National Office Elsie and Larry Willinger Karen, Steve, Sam and Max Yellen 1000 Jorie Blvd, Suite 140 in memory of Gregg, Glenn and in memory of David C. LaFontaine Christopher Mennillo Mary Yepsen Oak Brook, IL 60523 Donna Willis in memory of Nate Yepsen (630) 990-0010 in memory of Jeff Willis and Jared Willis Judy and Roger Ynostroza (877) 969-0010 Sally Wilmeth and Terry Geurkink in memory of Gabriel Ynostroza in memory of Jenni and Kyle Geurkink Ann and Ford Young (630) 990-0246 fax Karen and Ken Wilshe in memory of Kendall Young [email protected] in memory of Jason Wilshe Marlene and Steve Young Sue Wilson in memory of Whitney Marie Young www.compassionatefriends.org in memory of Allie Tease Michelle and Jim Young Cathie and Del Windle in memory of Joshua Taylor Young One complimentary copy of Carolee and Bill Wineburgh Pam and Doug Young We Need Not Walk Alone in memory of Jonathan David in memory of Davis Young Wineburgh Shelly and Doug Young is sent to bereaved families who contact the Carol and Melvin Winer in memory of Zachary Douglas Young National Office. To receive future issues, please in memory of Andrew Lee Winer Stephanie Younger use the subscription form in this issue or visit The Loretta and Jerry Winters in memory of Ashley Jayne’ Younger in memory of Don Bruce Winters Karena Youtz and Doug Martsch Compassionate Friends website at Donna and Larry Wittmayer in memory of Eliot T. Youtz www.compassionatefriends.org. in memory of Scott Wittmayer Sherry and Henry Zehr Carol and Carl Wojciechowski in memory of Kailey Zehr Copyright © 2014 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. in memory of Adam Wojciechowski Barbara Zick All rights reserved. We encourage the reprinting of Karen Wolf in memory of Darcie Sims individual articles, unless specified “one time only,” but ask in memory of Brad Wolf Amy Ziegelbaum that proper credit be given to We Need Not Walk Alone. Wolf Tap Foundation for the in memory of Ben Ziegelbaum This magazine is not to be reproduced for distribution Performing Arts Deborah Ziegler without written permission from the National Office. in memory of Emily Ann McElroy in memory of Christopher Ziegler Kim and Randy Wolken Barbara Zinman We Need Not Walk Alone|4 9 in memory of Adam Wolken in memory of Alison Weingarten Annette Womer Mary Joyce Zonfrillo in memory of Brad David Womer in memory of Michael A. Zonfrillo, III Ean Woodbury Carol and Nick Zorka in memory of Lauren Woodbury in memory of Brent Zorka Bitsy Woods Carolyn Zurawski and Michael in memory of Matt Woods Kontos in memory of Charlie Kontos the H1N1 (swine) flu. My husband, Ronnie and I attended our first © viperagp/fotolia.com at first meeting I immediately felt understanding, compassion and hope. stood her. She too, had one other child, like us, so I felt that I had met Compassionate Friends Conference, some 2 ½ years later in Costa Mesa, d’s death occurs on ONE DAY, but for many of us, we had our children ne day of death and begin to celebrate Raymond’s life. Our son lived for Raymond. Elaine S. Plotkin, Mother of Raymond Evan Plotkin Inner Loop Chapter of TCF, Houston, Texas

Your world has shattered and will never be the same again. But you are not alone. We invite you to visit www.opentohope.com, the world's largest online grief and loss support community, with half-a-million yearly visitors. Founded to help you find hope again during one of the hardest times in your life. Inspirational stories of life, loss and hope:  5,000+ articles, written by authors who have experienced a loss like yours  500+ Grief Relief TV and Open to Hope radio programs, hosted by mother/daughter team Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley & 200 YouTube videos  New Books! Bereaved Parents, foreword by Pat Loder & Signs of Hope from Heaven, foreword by Bill Guggenheim  International Grief & Loss Calendar  A place for you to share your stories www.opentohope.com Subscription and Patron Form We Need Not Walk Alone The Compassionate Friends, Inc. · 1000 Jorie Boulevard, Suite 140 · Oak Brook, IL 60523 ☐ Yes, I would like a subscription to We Need Not Walk Alone, the national magazine of The Compassionate Friends, published triannually. $20 USA, $30 Foreign Countries. ☐ Yes, I would like to make a Patron donation and receive a subscription to We Need Not Walk Alone. As a Patron, I understand that I will be assisting TCF in the promotion of the positive resolution of grief and the fostering of emotional and physical health of bereaved families following the death of a child. ☐ Simon Stephens Founders’ Circle $10,000 or more ☐ Circle of Caring $500 to $999 ☐ President’s Circle $5,000 to $9,999 ☐ Circle of Support $200 to $499 ☐ Circle of Love $2,500 to $4,999 ☐ Circle of Friends $50 to $199 ☐ Circle of Hope $1,000 to $2,499 $ Total Enclosed Send Subscription to: Make check payable to: The Compassionate Friends, Inc. or Name include your credit card information Address ☐ Visa ☐ Mastercard ☐ Discover City State Zip Account # Patron Donation is ☐ in memory of ☐ in honor of CVC Code Exp Date Signature Thank you for your support. 5 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone