9 Tenets

Natalie Hernandez-Rivera Word Count: 34,289 4600 Knoll Hollow Trl Page Count: 127 Plano,TX 75024 [email protected] 9 TENETS OF GOOD SEX AND SANITY (How to Get What You Want Without Pimping Out Your Pussy) Natalie Hernandez-Rivera Writing as Nat Vivoni Creative Nonfiction Self-help / Guide / Commentary

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity Copyright © 2021 by Nat Vivoni 9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity: How to Get What You Want Without Pimping Out your Pussy First Edition, 2022 Editing: [Coming Soon] Cover Design: [@polashinha on fiverr] Interior Formatting: [Coming Soon] All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or sold in any form, or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information browsing, storage, or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author. Although this publication is designed to provide accurate information in regard to the subject matter covered, the publisher and the author assume no responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, omissions, or any other inconsistencies herein. This publication is meant as a source of valuable information for the reader; however, it is not meant as a replacement for direct expert assistance. If such a level of assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Unless otherwise indicated, all the characters in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity Disclaimer For practical purposes, the terms ‘dating life’, ‘sex life’ and ‘romantic life’ are used interchangeably in this book. For most topics, I am addressing heterosexual women and couples, and will communicate as such. Use your own imagination and intelligence to invert the teachings if you are a man. Most of these principles can be applied from the male perspective. Not everything will apply to your specific situation, though a lot of it will resonate or be familiar to you. Perhaps some of the information will be new to you. There is a slight satirical angle to what you are about to read. Discern, listen, and let the message land. None of this material should be taken as instructional, psychological, legal or medical advice. It is intended to entertain and fulfill personal curiosities only. I am providing you a map. Use your own will and wisdom when applying any of the knowledge you may obtain from this book. Seek professional counsel if needed. The chapters DO build upon and complement each other. To really get the most out of this experience, I recommend engaging with the reading by highlighting and annotating, and actively participating in the exercises presented throughout the book. I’m not going super deep on the biological or technical minutae of sexual behavior. I will be mostly approaching topics from a socio-sexual-economic perspective. There are plenty of books already delving into the biology, neuroscience and mechanics of sex. I’m not here to parrot. I’m here to give you an interpretation that few have the guts to give you in such crude and explicit language. I hope this book will bring you closer to your greatness. May you find what you’re looking for, - Nat Vivoni.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity Table of Contents Introduction……………………………………………………………………. 1 The Fuck……………………………………………………………………… 2 The Vision……………………………………………………………………. 4 The Tenets……………………………………………………………………. 6 Part I. Attraction Fundamentals……………………………………………. 13 Chapter 1: Dimensions of Attraction……………………………………….. 14 Chapter 2: A Shallow Bitch…………………………………………………. 21 Chapter 3: Responsible Dick Appointments………………………………. 24 Chapter 4: Tracking Your Cycle……………………………………………. 28 Chapter 5: Pretty Boy Premium……………………………………………. 36 Chapter 6: Types of Sex…………………………………………………….. 41 Chapter 7: Great Sex Only………………………………………………….. 47 Part II. Socio-Sexual Scenarios……………………………………………. 51 Chapter 8: Relational Framing……………………………………………… 52 Chapter 9: Attraction Growth vs Attraction Diminishment……………….. 60 Chapter 10: Show and Tell………………………………………………….. 65 Chapter 11: Social Gathering Etiquette……………………………………. 73 Chapter 12: Scheduling Like Pro…………………………………………... 78 Chapter 13: Social Pressures of Dating Multiple Men…………………… 84 Chapter 14: Women are your allies, not your competition………………. 88 Chapter 15: Encouraging Healthy Reciprocity……………………………. 96 Part III. Diving Deeper………………………………………………………... 102 Chapter 16: Men’s Role in Sexual Responsibility………………………… 103

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity Chapter 17: Handling Loss and Grief……………………………………… 107 Chapter 18: Overcoming Sexual Addiction……………………………….. 110 Chapter 19: Potential-Increasing Exercises………………………………. 114 Content Summary…………………………………………………………….. 120 Epilogue………………………………………………………………………... 122 Afterword………………………………………………………………………. 125 Connect with the Author…………………………………………………….. 128 References…………………………………………………………………….. 129 Further Readings and Other Resources…………………………………. 130

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 1 Introduction What you will learn about: ❖ The dark side of sexual “liberation.” ❖ The values and attitudes that grant you a high-quality, sustainable sex life. ❖ The 9 Tenets and the reasons they work.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 2 The Fuck A man that fucks you is a man trying to put a baby inside you. He can say with his mouth he doesn't want a child, but his erect penis says otherwise. An erection in your presence is proof enough of his unconscious drive. Consciously, he may want to avoid responsibility and repercussions. Unconsciously, he has wanted babies from the time he grew out his first pube. If a man truly did not want a child, he‘d take all precautions into his own hands. Abstinence. Vasectomy. Condoms. He’d ask a woman he’s fucking about her birth control status. He’d not believe her answers about her birth control status. He sure as hell would not trust her to be taking it consistently. He’d pull out regardless of what she said. He’d tell a woman to stay still after he comes on her. He’d wipe her down before she gets the chance to sneakily shove his cum up her vagina. He’d cum in her mouth. He’d make sure she spits the cum back on his dick, into the sink, or that she swallows. He’d come anywhere but her pussy. A man not taking these precautions is a man playing with fire. He may soon find himself legally obligated to pay child support to a psychologically unstable woman. He’ll find himself societally pressured into marrying a woman he only intended to fuck, and pressured into playing daddy before he’s really ready. He’ll find himself drained from guilt, regret, frustration and confusion about his impulsive, thoughtless, premature procreation. If he’s disconnected enough from a power bigger than him, he'll feel desperate. Out of desperation, he may find himself pressuring the woman into taking a hormonal pregnancy blocker. If that fails, he’ll pathetically beg like a psychopathic manchild for the woman to get an abortion. If threats of abandonment fail, and she decides to continue carrying his spawn, he might even have her killed, just so he doesn‘t have to pay child support for the next 18 years of his life. He’d have her killed given he knows the right people. He’d have her killed if he had the luck of having

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 3 impregnated a woman with a weak enough support system. All of this with virtually no consequences to him, or true possibility of retaliation. A woman under this type of pressure to abort, which account for at least 64% of abortion cases, will abort for self-protection. Their fear is not irrational. The lead cause of death for pregnant women? Homicide. The person most likely to kill them? Their partner. Socially conditioned women and men of all races swear up and down that promiscuity, prostitution, hormonal birth control, and abortion are empowering options. “It’s her choice!” “Choice” my ass. Stop pimping out your pussy.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 4 The Vision Before you put down this book and dismiss me as a regressive, controlling prude – or conversely; a crass, entitled whore with a distorted view of the dating market – I ask you to be open to receiving information that might have been kept from you for a little too long. Embody the role of a philosopher engaging in a thought experiment. Be open to receiving information that might actually benefit you and those around you. Discern, listen, and let the message land: We’ve got to stop pandering to people’s lowest nature. We need to encourage life-affirming behaviors. I believe in consensual, hot, sexy encounters. I believe in mutually beneficial relationships. I believe we all contribute to the beauty and depth of the human experience. I’d like to see a future where rape, prostitution, drugs, birth control and abortion are unnecessary. My vision for this book is that: 1) Men and women will have an understanding of how to be attractive and supportive to one another without need for coercion, lying, deception or manipulation. 2) The experience and value of new life on Earth will be recognized and held as sacred. 3) You and others attain and maintain what you want: a satisfying sex life, and a true sense of sanity. This is not a book where I will preach to you extensively about how terrible rape, prositution, drugs, birth control, and aboriton are for you. Neither will I encourage you to use sex as a bargaining chip. You intuitively know these things are not particularly empowering. I will simply provide a map you can use to enjoy your sex life as much as possible and get all of the economic benefits you want without harming yourself or others. Each statement in this book is meant to address three crucial aspects of our being:

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 5 1. Spirit - We will integrate spiritual principles to ensure that what is trickling down into our relationships is of high spiritual quality. We will address the foundational principles that will help us build a solid and sustainable mindset for dating. We will break down our potential fears and insecurities in the dating arena. We will shift toward more constructive and enjoyable energetic states, so you can have an incredible love life. 2. Mind - We address mental maps and frameworks to ensure that we are seeing the world in a way that is beneficial to us. We will unpack the mindsets you can adopt to make the most out of each romantic encounter. We will break down different relationship patterns. We will identify some useful ways of seeing and approaching different romantic situations, so we can milk their value while still upholding high values. 3. Body - We go over physical and practical tools to ensure we are living out our best fantasies. We will lay out practical examples and tips to apply in our dating lives. We will apply spiritual and mental/emotional principles to our physical actions. We will learn about attractive behaviors that will get us things we want while maintaining our health and sanity. Affirmations that encapsulate the teachings of this book: I hold truth and integrity to the highest regard. I am radically honest and reliable. I value these traits in others. My personality is developed enough to amuse myself and others while I am sober. I enjoy pursuing fun and helpful hobbies. I have sex only with men that are self-developed, attractive, financially responsible, and have a an undeniable love and respect for me, themselves and others. My actions arise from my own free will, and from inspirations that are greater or higher than my current limits. I allow and graciously receive unexpected gifts and acts of kindness from others.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 6 The Tenets The following tenets will dramatically improve the quality of your romantic life. Write these down on a sheet of paper or print them out. Keep them with you for reference as you read or listen. These should not be thought of as rules. These are principles associated with higher levels of sexual, romantic and emotional fulfillment. You may think of these as promises granted to you for acting in ways that are life-affirming. You may already be doing some of these. If not, test them out, and see whether they are of benefit to you or not: 1. You shall be radically honest with yourself and with men. 2. You shall not drink or use drugs. 3. You shall only have sex with men you are incredibly attracted to. 4. You shall not use hormonal birth control. 5. You shall not have abortions. 6. You shall be respectful of your and others’ reproductive systems. 7. You shall not take another woman’s partner. 8. You shall have 1 day of rest per week; no dates, no sex, no exceptions. 9. You shall have a great love for being alive. All of the teachings in this book are built upon the 9 Tenets. As you read, you will understand the reasoning and utility of each in greater depth. The following is a brief overview of each Tenet, which, if applied correctly, will help you achieve a dating life of extremely high caliber: 1. You shall be radically honest with yourself and with men. Reasoning: Lying and concealing drain your energy. You want to have higher energy available. When you are uninhibitedly honest, it has a weight behind it that is incredibly powerful and magnetic.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 7 People know when you’re telling the truth. Disregard the consequences you think telling the truth will have. Most of the time, people respect you more when you give the full, ungarnished truth. People are scared to do this. You seem superhuman when you say the things everyone was thinking but didn’t dare to say. Your own honesty can inspire cascades of honesty and confessions by others as well. You can get closer to what you actually want when you are radically honest. No white lies. No sugar coating. Just raw, tactful, matter-of-fact delivery of what is actually happening. You will be surprised by the positive reactions and results you get most of the time from being totally honest. You will be polarizing other times, and that’s part of the package. Some people will be in denial, and they might be angry and vow never to speak to you again. They will probably come around to what you were saying in a few months or years, and they will likely circle back to you. Other people will like you even more, will stick by you, and even try to mimic you. Caveat: Obviously use caution in situations that are life-threatening. You don’t need to be honest with someone who is threatening to harm you or you suspect would harm you. You simply step away from those situations. This also does not apply in situations where you are role-playing for fun. In your day-to-day interactions, do practice radical honesty. 2. You shall not drink or use drugs. Reasoning: Drinking and drugs lower your inhibitions. You want to be able to have fun without needing to accelerate your organ deterioration. Alcohol and drugs are strongly associated with intrapartner violence, promiscuity, rape, psychological abuse, child abuse and premature death. Most people in a cycle of shitty relationships, abuse, and abortion are either willingly partaking in drug and alcohol consumption, or are addicted after being exposed to substances during trauma-inducing situations. Drinking and drugs also fuck up your skin, your face, your mental clarity, your judgement, your sharpness, your punctuality and reliability.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 8 Drinking and drugs also serve as a scapegoat that “absolves” men from the harm they may do to you. If a man harms you or fails you while he is under the influence, he can just say “Oopsie! Sorry, I was drunk/high. It was a mistake!” Then you are in a bind. Find people who are fun without needing to add drugs or alcohol into the mix. A man that pushes for you to drink is kind of gross. It means he thinks you couldn’t possibly be attracted to him while you were sober; he is telling you he needs to lower your inhibitions to get you to sleep with him. That’s sad, and you can do better than that. Caveat: I do not condemn all drug use at all times. Use discernment for your own situation. 3. You shall only have sex with men you are incredibly attracted to. Reasoning: Why would you fuck someone that disgusts you when you could fuck men that make your pussy wet? Basically, don’t allow a man that disgusts you to penetrate you, especially not for some shitty designer bag. Designer bags are tacky as fuck. The only people impressed by them are other women that let themselves get penetrated by men for shitty designer bags. Did you know that attractive men ALSO have a drive to provide and protect for you? They may not buy you a designer bag, but they’ll spend that same money on fun activities for you two, awesome food, a beautiful place to live, vacations and anything you’d need and want for daily life (including high-quality, weather-appropriate clothes and tasteful venue selections.) 4. You shall not use hormonal birth control. Reasoning: Why are you taking birth control? Is it to prevent getting pregnant? Birth control fails very frequently. Is it for any other “medical” reason? Fun fact: the birth control pill is a Group 1 carcinogen. Why are you wasting your time and risking your health fucking a man that you wouldn’t want children with?

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 9 Maybe you do want children with him, just not yet. In that case, why are you having to compromise the natural function of your reproductive system? Just so he can bust a nut in you and not have to worry about taking ANY of the sexual accountability? Do you think that him busting a nut in you is what will keep him around? Your logic is twisted. If you want a man to want to stick around for long, HE needs to withhold from cumming in you until there is a commitment. And you must uphold that boundary, and you must let him know you have expectations of him if a pregnancy occurs. He also needs to sense your natural hormonal cycle and your natural fertility peaks. He needs to know that you are a fertile, risky business. Your own respect for your fertility, along with your acceptance of being a woman and a potential mother, is one of your biggest assets when it comes to having your fair share of power and respect in your dynamics with men. He doesn’t get to bust in you, or even fuck you, until he’s ready to be a daddy. Impulse control is the main reason I suggest NOT fucking men under the age of 27. Our prefrontal cortex, that part of our brain responsible for impulse control, does not fully develop until the age of 25. Give men at least a two-year grace period so they can practice using this impulse control and get their shit together. Then and ONLY then can he fuck you. Caveat: There are exceptions to birth control method use and age-selection. Use discernment for your own situation. 5. You shall not have abortions. Reasoning: What are the decisions and behaviors that lead you to a pregnancy? Why are you having to weigh the pros and cons of forcefully stopping the development of a new life inside of you? Abortion increases your risk of becoming suicidal, and triples your risk of developing breast cancer if you don’t get pregnant within five years of having an abortion. Abortion enables men to

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 10 use women as disposable sex dolls with no responsibility or repurcussions. There is a strong link between abortion and commercial sex. Now, don’t get me wrong; I will never judge a woman for mistakes she made while she was ignorant. A woman who is facing an unplanned pregnancy, or who has an unsupportive partner, is a woman who has been socially and sexually misled. She has been obscured from the truth. She has been led to make herself sexually accessible to men not ready for or willing to embrace fatherhood. A woman who has had an abortion is a woman whose education failed her. She was purposefully left ignorant, because it benefits those who take advantage of her sexuality and her fertility, typically for monetary gain or cutting costs associated with pregnancy and children considered “undesirable”. Who is the true beneficiary of abortion in the end? It sure as hell is not women. It monetarily benefits abortion providers, the abortion lobby, the unsupportive father, the men that want to continue having cheap access to easy sex with zero accountability, and the politician running under the pretense of “women’s choice.” 6. You shall be respectful of your and others’ reproductive systems. Reasoning: This means reducing your number of sexual partners, ideally to 1. It IS possible to responsibly handle more than 1 partner in rare and extreme cases. (More on having more than 1 partner at a time in Chapter 12: Scheduling Like a Pro.) Reducing your amount of sexual partners, and ensuring they are of high integrity, reduces the chances of contracting STDs, reduces the chances of becoming infertile because of an STD or other complications, and prevents “unwanted” pregnancy scenarios. Save yourself from the pressure of deciding to abort, and deepen your bond with your deserving mate(s).

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 11 7. You shall not take another woman’s partner. Reasoning: Women are meant to be your allies, not your competition. You can wreck friendships, reputations, families, and childhoods by interfering with taken or married men. Reprogram yourself to be attracted to men who want to be with YOU. There are enough quality men to go around. Find your own. (More on this in Chapter 14: Women are your allies, not your competition.) 8. You shall have 1 day of rest per week; no dates, no sex, no exceptions. Reasoning: Have 1 full day dedicated to nurturing yourself and other aspects of your life, to reconnect with your purpose and your higher intuitions. (More on this in Chapter 12: Scheduling Like a Pro.) 9. You shall have a great love for being alive. Reasoning: You’ll recognize life on Earth as a blessing, a fun place in which to engage, discover and play. If you live in a way that is life-affirming, you will never need to lie, drink, use drugs, have sex with men you are not attracted to, alter your hormones, forcefully end a pregnancy, steal another woman’s man, have painful sex, or engage in self-destructive behaviors. You know why? Because you’ll value Truth. You’ll develop your personality and lifestyle around being fun and having fun. You’ll naturally know when to make yourself sexually available and when not to. You’ll be excited about any pregnancy. You’ll have your own sexual playmates. You’ll be responsible sexually because you value your sexual wellbeing. You’ll have a deepened appreciation of life.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 12 In addition to, and in spirit of the Tenets, recite the following affirmations. You can write them down in a special notebook, on your mirror or a dry-erase board. Read these to yourself over and over until they begin to permeate your being: I hold truth and integrity to the highest regard. I am radically honest and reliable. I value these traits in others. My personality is developed enough to amuse myself and others while I am sober. I enjoy pursuing fun and helpful hobbies. I have sex only with men that are self-developed, attractive, financially responsible, and have a an undeniable love and respect for me, themselves and others. My actions arise from my own free will, and from inspirations that are greater or higher than my current limits. I allow and graciously receive unexpected gifts and acts of kindness from others.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 13 Part I. Attraction Fundamentals What you will learn about in Attraction Fundamentals: ❖ Why you are attracted to who you’re attracted to. ❖ Why you should be ruthlessly picky. ❖ How to pick the best romantic partners for you. ❖ The importance of tracking your cycle, and avoiding pregnancy naturally. ❖ What it takes to maintain long-term attraction. ❖ Types of sex you have or may encounter. ❖ How to make all of your sexual experiences enjoyable.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 14 Chapter 1: Dimensions of Attraction “There's no way this tennis match will deepen our friendship. This is a token gesture – an elaborate act we'll go through so we can say we're closer. - Light Yagami To help you understand why you may find yourself attracted to some people in different ways, I break down attraction into three facets: ● Physical - You feel a natural, raw, animalistic excitement around them based on their body, their build, their facial structure, and their overall presentation. Attraction fact: We have a natural attraction to people that have similar facial features as us. ● Emotional - You can “vibe” with this person. You have a similar sense of humor. You create shared experiences together. ● Logistical - Hanging out with this person “makes sense” because of proximity, availability, and/or they have immediate and easy access to resources such as food, shelter, transportation, material goods, information, social gatherings and sex. These facets often overlap in our relationships with different people at different moments in our lives. And the overlaps tend to lend themselves to their own predictable set of dynamics.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 15 I call this model the Dimensions of Attraction. Here is a breakdown of the type of dynamic you can expect from each overlap: 1. Physical and Emotional - The Volatile Lover Intimacy and sex with this person feels natural and passionate. This can be an extremely volatile relationship. You might experience a “hot and cold” or “on-and-off” dynamic for years with a Volatile Lover mostly due to shitty logistics. How to know if you’ve met a Volatile Lover:

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 16 He may have seemed oddly familiar to you, like you knew his intentions as soon as you saw him. He turns you on just by being in your presence. Your bodies are like magnets to one other. You cannot be left alone in a room and not fuck. Maybe he is an athlete or busy businessman. Maybe you see each other only once, twice or a handful of times per year, because he lives in a different city, or has a girlfriend/wife, or any other reason. He probably FaceTimes or Snaps you at random times, or will send quick “check-in” texts to give you some sense of hope. He tells you when to open up your schedule because he will be in town and wants a full night with you. He might ask you to think of all the nasty, dirty things you will do to each other in a few months and will not talk to you again until he is at the hotel, ready to have you over. The sex is just as good as you imagined it would be, maybe even better. Maybe he asks you to be his girlfriend, or to fly you out and see you more often, but some argument or other distraction usually gets in the way. You might have cheated on a shitty boyfriend with the Volatile Lover. You might have even broken up with a shitty boyfriend so you could go fuck the Volatile Lover. The Volatile Lover tears the lingerie your shitty boyfriend just bought for you, and he does not offer to repay. You can ask, but can never predict whether he will feel like pandering to your demands, because he likes to have his way with you however he pleases, not how you say. Reinforcement in this relationship is intermittent, which is highly addictive. There is never a true sense of fulfillment. I suggest you gracefully avoid and discard the Volatile Lover. 2. Physical and Logistical - The Consistent Fuckbuddy This person is attractive enough and close enough to you that you can easily satisfy each others’ immediate sexual urges. This develops into a consistent hookup buddy dynamic. It can easily stall if you fail to build a deeper, more meaningful bond.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 17 How to know if you’ve met a Consitent Fuckbuddy: Maybe you met him randomly at a local bar, restaurant or seminar. Maybe he’s a co-worker or client at your workplace. Maybe you set your Tinder parameters to a 2-10 mile range from your house or workplace, so you don’t have the logistical issues you had with your Volatile Lover, and you were specific and picky about your criteria this time. You swiped right on him on a random lunch break, or on a boring Friday night. This guy is typically well-traveled, maybe even foreign. He is oddly sexy and smooth with his words. He happens to be only 2 miles away, closer than the other hot guy that just messaged you from 10 miles away. You reply to the 2-mile guy and meet in person at the nearby bar, cafe, or straight to his place. At first, both of you are skeptical because you may be outside of each other’s typical type. Maybe he is hotter than what you are used to, or you are hotter than what he is used to. He has a drink, maybe you do too. After a fun time, you decide this person is safe and attractive, and outside enough of your social circle to where you can discretely fuck with minimal amounts of drama. You might keep seeing each other for months, even years. He is the hottest, easiest, most practical access to good sex on a consitent basis you have. He or you might be moving to another city in a year or two. Everything is unknown here and what you have feels too good to let go. It can feel scary to merge your lives any further, because you are so comfortable in this dynamic. You are scared to lose the connection you have built. Reinforcement is somewhat intermittent, but a lot more consistent and stable than with the Volatile Lover. The Consistent Fuckbuddy can restore your sanity after you've been burned by the Volatile Lover, but it’s not ideal if you are ready for something more complete and more meaningful.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 18 3. Emotional and Logistical - The Homie This is your good friend. You feel safe. This would be a great relationship - on paper. However, the “spark” might be missing. You might drunkenly hook up with him one night at a party, or you might experience one thing leading to another while watching a movie together. You’ll likely regret it later and/or never do it again. How to know if you’ve met a Homie: You might be co-workers, or classmates, or part of the same social group. You are peers; therefore, you have enough commonalities to sustain a sort of friendship. Maybe he invites you to fun parties, or hiking, or out with all of his friends. He reminds you that you are your age, and he makes you feel less lonely. He likes all of your Instagram pictures. He has definitely described you as “hot” to a bunch of his guy friends. Though you can acknowledge they are objectively attractive, you’re not really each other's types. You do not feel that instant sexual passion you feel with the Volatile Lover or the Consistent Fuckbuddy. If you are a good enough friend, or a hot enough woman with minimal demands, and he is a respectful guy who continues to invite you into his circle, you will remain in each other’s lives for as long as the companionship/social benefits keep coming from your friendship. You may start to develop a secret crush on him as you get to know him - until you meet his hot friend. You start to weigh out the consequences of hooking up with his hot friend. You are not completely sure whether something would ever happen between you and the Homie, but you like the benefits of the friendship, and fucking someone in his group may comrpomise your dynamic. The relationship with the Homie may eventually fizzle out as you outgrow the group, or if he gets a girlfriend (who usually is not as attractive or fun as you, but she gives him the physical attention you don’t, so he discards you until she is out of the picture - not because he wants to

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 19 get rid of you, but to appease the girlfriend who is likely jealous of you, and gave him some sort of ultimatum he accepted so he could keep getting some ass.) 4. Physical, Emotional and Logistical - Potential father of your children and life companion. A real catch. You are attracted to each other on all levels. You have hot sex, good emotional intimacy, can communicate realistically, and feel comfortable with each others’ family and friends. You feel fulfilled with this person. The dynamic is healthy and stable. You finally feel like you have time and energy to pursue interests and purposes besides sex and dating. This relationship covers all of your bases on a consistent basis, permitting you to progress in other areas of your life as well. How to know if you’ve met the Potential Father of Your Children and Life Companion: You probably met through mutual friends or just going about your daily life. You feel an instant familiarity with this person; you feel like you’ve seen them before, or like you understand each other with an exchange of glances. This is similar to the familiarity of the Volatile Lover, but it’s more grounded and more experienced. Every word that comes out of their mouth seems smart, interesting, funny, pleasant to you. They reciprocate the interest. They act in ways that are in line with what you value; they are honest, have a noble purpose and living, they enjoy activities you enjoy and are glad to do them together. You feel comfortable being around them, and can relax into your skin and let that weird, inexplicable, uncomfortable guard down. At the same time, you feel inspired to look and feel your best, to improve your natural appearance, your overall mood, and your day-to-day circumstances.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 20 With them, you feel good, sexy, pleased, strong, cared about, assured, relaxed, fun. Communication is simple, almost effortless, because you both understand each other’s needs after having had your own experiences in dating. You are open to feedback from one another. While secure, you remain somewhat curious about one another over a long period of time. You can explore topics that usually bring tension into a relationship with ease, because you are realistic and optimistic about the purpose and direction of your relationship. You do not tend to have many disagreements, because there is a natural empathy between you. Most conflicts are resolved in a mature manner, or mutually dismissed and chuckled away as silly misunderstandings. You both agree on and keep your commitments with pleasure and grace. Initially, the sex may not be as good as it is with a Consistent Fuckbuddy. But over time, it gets better and better. You start to naturally dismiss other sexual partners in favor of this one. You feel more connected to your higher purpose. This is a secure relationship and a great person to keep in your life.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 21 Chapter 2: A Shallow Bitch “Don’t call me handsome if you ain’t gonna give me some of that badonkadonk.” In simple terms: Do not go into isolated settings with men you are not attracted to. Screen like a cut-throat bitch. Screening is about cutting through the bullshit, so you can get on track with fulfilling your physical, emotional, and spiritual facets through your interactions with men. Basically, you are cutting away relationships with men that do NOT do it for you, and making the most of your time with men that DO. When you surround yourself with men that make you feel excited about life, you are making your dating life a sort of meditation where you learn about yourself and your relationship to giving and receiving. Do a quick assessment of desires and needs you want fulfilled when it comes to dating. Write specific traits you’d like a man to have, specific environments or scenes you’d like to be in, specific feelings or things you’d like to experience. This will help you connect the dots. Be as grand or as petty as you want with your desires. These are some questions that can help you get started: ● What does your ideal man look like? ● What are some activities you’d like to do together? ● What types of foods would you like to eat on a consistent basis? ● Who would pay for dates? ● What would your living arrangement look like? ● How many dates do you want per week? ● How much and what type of work are you willing to do? ● What things in life do you prioritize? ● What things would he prioritize?

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 22 If you’re not quite sure what your preferences are yet, your main area of focus will be meeting different types of people, so that you can determine your preferences. Perhaps you can draw some inspiration from my desires when I first started to take my own romantic needs and wants into account: “I want a guy I am very physically attracted to, so that the sex isn’t a moment of dread, or a chore or a burdensome expectation. Sex is something I genuinely want to do because I am attracted to him. I want the sex to be amazing. I want him to have good spending money and fun hobbies, so we can always eat well and do fun things he’d be happy to plan and pay for. I want him to be athletic. I want him to like cooking. I want him to be a good leader; dominant, but also gives me space and freedom. I want him to be responsible and respectful. I want him to have great taste in movies and music. I want him to have a purpose I can stand behind. I want both of us to be on the same page when it comes to moving the relationship forward. We can talk openly and feel comfortable with each other. He is a family man. He brings me around his friends and family and is proud to show me off. He loves kids, wants to have kids and would be a great husband and dad.” Dating fact: You do not have to sacrifice genuine attraction to have a man treat you right. I do believe you can have both physical attraction and a good friendship with someone. You don't have to compromise one for the other, especially when it comes to a man you are considering as a potential mate - a man who you would maybe want to have kids with someday. When it comes to sex and dating, think primarily long-term. Think about genetics. Think about the traits and health status your children would carry. Think about how successful this guy might be now and down the line. Think about what type of father he would be.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 23 Your short term desires and needs are important, too. Just make sure that in satisfying them, you are still in line with results you want to see come to fruition later in life. If you’re gonna be a hoe, be a hoe for the right man. If you’re a relatively attractive, smart, kind woman, you have every right to want a guy that matches you, or is smarter and more financially successful than you. You have the capacity to attract LOTS of men just by virtue of being an attractive woman, so don’t settle for only emotional fulfillment when you know you also need your physical needs met. You should feel turned on just by being in your partner's presence. If you’re not, dump him. He can be your friend, but do not put yourself in a situation where both of you would be alone in a room, or where he expects sexual intimacy from you. You don’t wanna be perceived as shallow? You don’t want to view yourself as shallow? This is the poor person’s excuse to lower their standards. Do not let yourself be steered away from what turns you on. People who are too lazy to make themselves more attractive will try to tell you you are an entitled, shallow, gold-digging bitch with an inflated ego. Do not budge. Anyone can become more attractive with the right exercise regimen, a good diet, and improved social skills. You are doing yourself and the world a disservice when you reward mediocrity. You deserve to feel turned on. And you can find guys who turn you on AND treat you well. Don’t feed into the false belief that it’s either one or the other. Takeaway: Have your baseline of attractiveness, and DO NOT fall below it - EVER. You will only disappoint yourself. Reject guys and environments that are not appealing to you. Allow yourself to gravitate towards places and men that DO turn you on.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 24 Chapter 3: Responsible Dick Appointments “Untwist these selfish desires in my heart, so I can love – not use.” - Father Mike Schmitz Sex is never purely physical. There must be some feeling of emotional safety, validation, assurance, admiration, adoration, approval, affection that we receive from sexual encounters. While there are ways to attain this validation and affeciton in ways other than sex, sex is a great way to obtain all of these things in an intense, time-efficient dose. Abstaining before marriage is noble, but it is perfectly reasonable and feasible to have a good, hot, nasty sex life before marriage, as long as you are RESPONSIBLE about HOW and WHO you do it with. You may not want to risk 18 years of raising some guy’s offspring just yet. Hormonal birth control, tubal ligation, aboriton and other types of new and trendy medical and physical products and procedures are NOT great suggestions for young, fertile women seeking to prevent pregnancy. Selectiveness (a.k.a. screening like a cut-throat bitch) is the BEST pregnancy prevention method for women’s satisfaction and sanity. It is MUCH more reliable and effective than any other form of birth control. You’ll need to go about selecting strategically and safely. When you WANT that dick and that skin to skin contact, when you WANT to feel like a tight, wet little fuckdoll, when you WANT to be bent over and held by a sexy man that finds you irresistible, here are some tips to do it right: ● Make sure the men you sleep with, you would sleep with sober. ● Do not drink. If you do, do so minimally, and only after you have already had sex with him while sober. ● Measure the man’s ability to turn you on and your own ability to get turned on with him. ● ● Make sure this is a man that is demonstrably reliable, responsible, and respects your reproductive system’s natural functioning.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 25 ● Make sure this is a person you would be okay with having kids with, and that you are willing to accept the risks and consequences that would come with having a child with this man. ● Make sure that fucking him makes sense for you logistically. (Fucking should be as easy and enjoyable for you as possible. You do NOT want to be jumping through a million hoops just to get a whiff of a man’s dick.) He should be close to you in distance, or willing to spend the money or put in the resources to make the process of meeting up as easy and enjoyable for you as possible. ● Make sure that you are either using condoms if you are not in an exclusive relationship (condoms are the only method for STD prevention aside from abstinence and REAL monogamy), and/or that there is an agreement and repeated demonstration of him being able to pull out and/or inform you if he recently had unprotected sex with someone else so you can weigh out your consequences before deciding to fuck raw. There should be little to no jealousy in this dynamic, just a valuing of honesty and respecting each other’s reproductive systems. ● Remember sex is meant to REDUCE negative stress, not inrease it. ● Make a list of uncomprimsable qualities a man MUST have for you to WANT to fuck. This is what mine looks like, along with the reasoning for each: Is physically attractive to me - I want to be soaking wet. Is physically attracted to me - I want to feel sexy and desired. Is at least 27 years old - Reminder: Our prefrontal cortex, in charge of impulse control, is not fully developed until age 25. Men 25 and under are practically boys. I let them have time to be boys. I only have sex with a man ready for responsibility. Has excellent social awareness and intelligence - I want to have a fun time.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 26 Has access to great financial and social resources - I want to know our kid will have a good childhood if I end up getting pregnant by this man, and that he won’t corner me into single motherhood or abortion. Is relatively conservative when it comes to issues like marriage, childrearing, and abortion - Shows he values some of the most important traditional gender roles, respects children, respects relationships, respects my body, and respects all stages of life; he wouldn’t pressure me to abort if he got me pregnant, and he would gladly be a father to his children Uses a condom if I ask - Shows he respects my boundaries and sexual health. Pulls out every time (unless we agree otherwise) - Shows he has impulse control and respect for life. Respects my privacy. - Doesn't ask me intrusive or inappropriate questions he does not want an honest answer to. He can handle hearing the truth. Is honest. Doesn’t lie to me (about big or small things). - Has integrity. Is a MAN, not a boy. Is not drunk or under the influence of other drugs. - I want him to want to fuck me because he actually likes me, not because his inhibitions are down. I want him to not regret our experience. I have a hard time getting wet around a man that’s really drunk. Is not pushy for me to drink or use drugs - I want to fuck him because I actually like him, not because my inhibitions are down. I want to not regret the experience. I want this to be a mutual, consensual, sober decision. Is not pushy to have sex with me if I am on my period and ask him to withhold. - Shows respect for my feelings and sexual health. (More on the concept of the Period Pause in Chapter 4: Tracking Your Cycle.)

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 27 Orders me an Uber or gives me a ride if I am unable to or do not want to drive. - Shows respect for my circumstances, and desire to make my life better. Lets me stay over if I want to stay over - Shows desire to protect me. Gives me food and water when I ask for it. - Shows desire to provide for me. Is reliable and punctual. - Shows integrity as well as respect for my time. Has his own place and/or other reasonable and sexy environment in which we can relax and let loose. Does not expect me to host unless I invite him. - Shows he provides and cares for himself. Is proactive in initiating plans. - Shows masculinity, dominance and desire. Has strong connection to his higher purpose - Shows good character. We have at least some mutual friends. - We have external accountability, which reduces the probability of harm and unfair manipulation. Increases chances of good treatment. Increases trust and long-term sustainability. Takeaway: Make your fucking list and DO NOT. STRAY. FROM THAT. LIST. You might tweak it as you gain more experiences and a better understanding of your preferences and boundaries.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 28 Chapter 4: Tracking Your Cycle “If you are laboring under delusions, you will have a rude awakening.” Not only is natural pregnancy prevention through fertility awareness healthier for you than other birth control options, but men feel MORE attracted to you, and you get to experience MORE pleasure when having sex with a partner you trust. The following is a chart depicting the typical 28-day menstrual cycle, and suggestions for preventing pregnancy and/or getting pregnant only when desired and agreed upon. In this chapter, we will break down something I call the ‘Birth Control Fallacy’. We will learn why the Natural Fertility Awareness chart is one of the best tools for increasing the quality of your dating life. We will break down the suggestions that accompany each segment of the chart, and learn about the concept of the Period Pause.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 29 Section I. The Birth Control Fallacy Women benefit from having no-questions-asked access to hormonal birth control? I don’t buy it. Here is the thing about using methods other than Natural Fertility Awareness, especially hormonal options such as the birth control pill: 1. The pill is over-prescribed and over-rated. It is handed out indiscriminately and inappropriately, without adequately informing women about its very real side-effects on the body. Some of these include: ● Risk of breast, liver, and cervical cancer - The World Health Organization classifies the pill as a Group 1 Carcinogen, the same category as mustard gas; a chemical warfare agent that forms large blisters in the skin and lungs, resulting in prolonged illness that leads to death. ● Lower libido - Lower sexual desire = lower arousal = loss of interest in sex = inability to connect with men at the physical level = shit sex = dissatisfaction ● Weight gain - Increases your risk for disease, illness, and complications = becoming more insecure = feeling less sexy and desirable = mate loses attraction to you = physical disconnect with partner = dissatisfaction ● Depression - Perhaps connected to the reasons already listed? Hmm. Who would have thought? ● Blood clots - Scientific proof abounds with a simple internet search. There is also strong anecdotal evidence. Alex Cooper, host of the Call Her Daddy podcast, recently admitted to experiencing birth control pill-related blood clots. She shared her desire to stop taking the pill. For those unfamiliar with Call Her Daddy, it is a raunchy sex and dating podcast that millions of American women and men of reproductive age are familiar with. Young men and women listen in for sexual and romantic advice. The podcast has gradually shifted from suggesting toxic and manipulative behaviors, to a more wholesome perspective of understanding the reasons we feel inclined to act in certain ways, and

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 30 ways to achieve healthier romantic dynamics. The information you’ll find in this book TRANSCENDS and precedes the direction I predict the podcast will take in future. There are similar findings for abortion in terms of harm to health, with an increased risk of premature death and suicide for women who’ve had abortions. I hardly agree that these things are, in any way, shape or form, “healthcare” or “responsible” choices for women to make. Yet we are led to believe that taking birth control, and having abortion widely available is “healthcare” and the “responsible” course of action for sexually active women. Brainwashed women give brownie points to pathetic men that defend women’s so-called “sexual liberation.” The prize for these women? They get fucked in the pussy and in the head by these men. The price these women pay? Their health! Woohoo!!! Incompetent men get cheap, easy access to your pussy with absolutely no incentive to treat you right other than pandering to your sexual “liberation”! Yes, bitch!!! In this deal, women are the ones getting the raw end of the stick. Deep down, you know it. 2. The pill changes who you choose to have sex with. We are meant to be attracted to genetically dissimilar men; the theory being that this increases the chances of having genetically stronger offspring with the best qualities of both parents combined. In other words, when you are NOT on the pill, you are attracted to men that you could make genetically strong babies with. When you are ON the pill, you are more likely to do the opposite. You are more likely to have sex with men who are genetically similar to you, which increases the chances of sexual dissatisfaction, cheating on your partner, miscarriages, birth defects, and weaker offspring. In addition, since the pill throws off your natural hormonal cycle, you are not releasing the pheromones that would make you attractive to men who you are SUPPOSED to mate with.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 31 Section II. Why Natural Fertility Awareness is SO Good for you Relationships Assuming you decide to not use hormonal birth control, and assuming you have a healthy and balanced lifestyle and diet, your natural menstruation cycle should be pretty consistent and predictable. Consistency and predictability in your period makes natural pregnancy prevention a LOT easier. Natural Fertility Awareness, along with being ruthlessly picky, is an incredible tool to have at your disposal: 1. Being ruthlessly picky, as suggested by the previous chapters, will naturally decrease your amount of sexual partners. 2. You will see a sharp increase in the QUALITY of your mate selection. 3. Your amount of low-quality partners will go down to ZERO. 4. Men that fall short from your expectations will begin to lose any appeal, and you won’t want to waste your time with them. 5. You will be choosing men who have good impulse control, a good moral compass with high integrity, and a more responsible view of dating, ALL of which are traits that make for satisfying relationships. 6. Selecting men with these traits makes for a great sex; they are typically good in bed and care about your pleasure. 7. Men with these traits would make great boyfriends or husbands if desired, and great fathers to your children (if you mutually agree on having kids.) 8. Your anxiety around sex will DECREASE, because you are not the sole holder of reproductive responsibility; another factor that will dramatically increase your ability to have fun, let go, feel sexy, and orgasm with a man that truly loves you. Section III. Breakdown of Natural Fertility Awareness Chart Segments ● Days 1-7: Menstruation and the Period Pause

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 32 Function: Your egg was not fertilized, so you are not pregnant; therefore, your body sheds your uterine lining to begin another fresh one for your next egg. Arousal and Sexual Signaling: Typically low, with some windows of extreme desire due to increased blood flow to your gentitals and other hormonal fluctuations. Recommendations: During your period, if you are not in a committed relationship, do not hang out with men you have sex with. You can ocassionaly go on dates with men you have not yet slept with, or with people with whom you have more of a “friendship” vibe, or even group outings, but nothing isolated and nothing sexual. Of course, this is personal for every woman, and you can decide whether you want to do this or not. The following is a list of 5 logical explanations behind the Period Pause: 1. If you do not like having sex while you are on your period, you do not need to have sex while you are on your period or even put put yourself in the presence of a man you know expects sex every time you see each other. Having a boyfriend is an exception in which you might be more comfortable spending time with him and even having sex ocassionally during your period. 2. If you are honest and open about this from the first time you have your period, this will be the standard for the dynamic; therefore, the man won’t be suspicious of you being flaky if you do it later on throughout the course of the relationship, because it’s always been this way. 3. Having this time off from sex is an incredible opportunity to cultivate other areas of your life and reconsider your desires. 4. Having this time off from sex also creates space and sexual anticipation with the man/men you are liming the sex from. 5. Having this rule solidifies the expectation that there will be sex every time you meet, and that there is no expectation of spending time together if there will be

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 33 no sex. This can be a pro or a con for you depending on what your intent for that particular relationship is (More on this in Chapter 8: Relational Framing.) ● Days 8 and 9: Pre-Ovulation Window Function: Your body is thickening the new uterine lining to prepare for your next egg. Since sperm can be alive for up to five days in your vagina, and you will likely ovulate in the coming days, it is possible to become pregnant if a man cums in your pussy during this time. Arousal and Sexual Signaling: Likely high. You finished your period a few days ago, you’re looking forward to seeing you man/men again. Your body is sending you signals that an egg is coming, so your sexual gears start turning and you start arranging your cards for the coming week of heightened excitement. Others sense your excitement and your rising levels of energy. Recommendations: If you are trying to AVOID pregnancy, avoid being in isolated environments with men you are likely to have sex with. If you are OPEN to but have not AGREED to pregnancy yet, make your proper mate selection and make it clear to the man that he must use a condom and/or pull out. If you are trying to become pregnant, have a cum fest in your pussy! ● Days 10-14: Ovulation Window: Function: Ovulation occurs, usually on the 14th day. It is very likely you will become pregnant if a man cums in your pussy during this window. Arousal and Sexual Signaling: Likely at its highest. You are fertile, risky business. Your voice becomes slightly higher-pitched and more sensual. Your face, lips, eyes, genitals, and overall body feel light, bright, plump, excited. You are more likely to be pro-active in sending sexual availability signals to men you find attractive. Men sense this. They

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 34 pursue you a little harder, they feel drawn to you, they want to touch you more, they want to fuck you hard. Recommendations: If you are trying to AVOID pregnancy, avoid being in isolated environments with men you are likely to have sex with, and control your impulse to pursue. If you are OPEN to but have not AGREED to pregnancy yet, make your proper mate selection and make it clear to the man that he must use a condom and/or pull out. If you are trying to become pregnant, have a cum fest in your pussy! ● Days 15 and 16 - Post-Ovulation Window Function: You’ve likely already ovulated. Your egg lives for 12-14 hours, so if a man ejaculates in you just a few hours after you’ve released your egg, it is possible to become pregnant during this window. Arousal and Sexual Signaling: Likely high. You are still energetic and excited, but slightly more relaxed, calmer, and more receptive rather than pro-active in sexual signaling. Recommendations: If you are trying to AVOID pregnancy, avoid being in isolated environments with men you are likely to have sex with. If you are OPEN to but have not AGREED to pregnancy yet, make your proper mate selection and make it clear to the man that he must use a condom and/or pull out. If you are trying to become pregnant, have a cum fest in your pussy! ● Days 17-28: Thickening of Uterine Lining Function: Your body continues to thicken the uterine lining in preparation for pregnancy. If your egg was fertilized, the egg implants and you begin the process of developing a human inside of you. If the egg was not fertilized, the uterine lining will begin to break down again leading into your next period.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 35 Arousal and Sexual Signaling: Hormonal fluctuations and pregnancy status influence your level of arousal, as well as your bonding mechanisms with your partner. It is possible to feel turned on during this time, but you are more likely to be less interested in sex than during your ovulation window. By this time, you’ve either (A) just become pregnant, or (B) your egg has already been flushed and you are preparing for your next ovulation cycle, so your body does not have much incentive to engage in sex other than for bonding, connection, and pleasure. If you are someone actively trying to avoid pregnancy, but are still interested in sex for the purposes mentioned, it is possible to feel more relaxed during these days since you are not as stressed about pregnancy as a potential consequence of sex.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 36 Chapter 5: Pretty Boy Premium - Developing Natural Beauty “What matters is the quality of the product, and my day to day existence within that.” - Aram Rasa Taghavi There is a price to pay for pretty. Dating someone extremely attractive comes with a hidden price. High prices can be a good thing. Prices are not always paid monetarily, though sometimes they are. There are economic trade-offs even for your best choices. Arrange your life in a way that gives you access to all of the resources you need to live out your best fantasies. Pretty Boy Premium: The price of dating someone extremely attractive. Dating someone extremely attractive means you will have to invest time, money, energy and attention into your own attractiveness. Exercise, personal grooming, primping, and upkeeping social desirability will require your time, money, energy and attention. This is something you will have to continuously do for the rest of the time you want to maintain a hot sex life, which in turn maintains and improves your relationship with your extremely attractive significant other. It is a hard reality to face, but if you want to keep and improve your sex life, you will need to continue fueling the things that light that passion. You will have to continue desiring your person, and they will have to continue desiring you. Section I. Physical Appearance What you consider attractive may evolve and mature over time. There will be a simultaneous release of the superficial, and a craving of that excitement that comes with some level of superficiality. This is especially true if you are someone who primarily craves and bonds through touch and play. Your experience of intimacy is very much based on the physical senses, with the added component of emotional safety for creative release. This is a comforting combination we all enjoy.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 37 As time goes on, it will seem like your appearance and presentation won’t matter as much. But at the same time, you will feel more beautiful without needing much maintenance. Your daily practices and habits have accumulated the benefit of clear skin, a nice and balanced physique, and an understanding of clothing and adornments that are flattering on you. This is a process of relaxation into your natural appearance, which is in itself a very attractive quality. Others feel how comfortable you feel with yourself, and that feeling transfers onto them. This is something referred to in some circles as the law of state transference. People like being around people that feel good, because it makes them feel good. That natural relaxation, effortless beauty, compounded with the benefits of a lifestyle that builds on your most attractive qualities, is a gift you reap from the seeds you’ve sown over time. I’ve gotten the most compliments on my beauty, not when I am wearing tons of makeup, but when I do a minimal look with light concealer, light nose and cheekbone contour, and mascara. I personally will always have a small purse with gum, mascara, and some small form of powdered makeup that is just a slight shade darker than my skin tone so I can do a light cheekbone and nose contouring and light eyebrow fillings to make them look clean and shapely. This small effort can do a lot for your look if you are looking a little rough or just want to look slightly more put together without needing to carry around your whole makeup arsenal. Men of value appreciate light and natural makeup. They have been around the block enough to know what heavy makeup looks like, and what a woman looks like without tons of makeup. He can appreciate your natural look, just slightly enhanced, and he can actually admire your features and your skin, which you should be taking good care of. I suggest doing research into your diet, visiting a nutritionist or dermatologist, having a daily skincare routine, getting monthly facials, and doing facial exercises. I share resources for skin care and face exercises in the Further Readings portion towards the end of the book. You do not want to look too different with makeup than you do without. In fact, a man should barely even notice the difference. This will help you get more comfortable with the way you are

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 38 — not having to freak out about him seeing how you actually look when your makeup is washed off. It will get him accustomed to what you look like naturally. It will adjust his perception to a more realistic, less cosmetic form of your beauty. Embracing natural beauty doesn’t mean you get to be sloppy. You must continue to take pride in your appearance and hygiene, and aim for your best with what you’ve got. Then let go. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The point is for him to see you, to know you, and to love you for who you are, and to appreciate when you do put in a little more effort. Section II. Personal Vibe Check Maintaining an attractive inner emotional state is just as important as maintaining your outward attractiveness. Answer the following questions to check in with your internal state: ● Do you like who you are? ● Do you like how you treat yourself? ● Do you like how men treat you? ● Do you like how you treat men? ● Do you like your life? ● Are you doing things that keep you feeling joyful? Feeling fresh? Feeling alive? Feeling curious and excited? Feeling peaceful? Feeling full? Feeling beautiful? Feeling expansive? (More on developing an attractive aura in Chapter 19: Potential Increasing Exercises.) Section III. Investment into Your Relationship In addition to your own state, there must also be an investment of time, energy and attention into your significant other. What are the things, aside from your own personal attractiveness, that keep them gravitationally linked to you? ● Is it the great sex?

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 39 ● Is it playful affection? ● Is it your sense of humor? ● Is it some sport or game you play with them for fun? ● Is it spending time with your mutual friends? ● Is it spending time with their family? ● Is it sometimes surprising them with their favorite food or special gifts? ● Is it doing little practical things that make their lives easier? ● Is it the things you DON’T do? (Like not bombarding them with demands that take them away from doing the things that make them attractive to you.) What keeps them linked to you is anything you do that involves them and brings both of you satisfaction. That may mean you need to schedule yourself in such a way to make space for these activities. It may mean you’ll have to miss out on some trips or late night parties. It may mean you have to turn down other dates and other activities. The power is in knowing that the satisfaction, peace and joy that this particular relationship gives you outweighs what you’d get by accepting some other dick or some other activity. Section IV. Other Economic Trade-Offs Financially, there may also be some trade-offs for dating someone you find extremely attractive and is also desirable to other people. Dating someone much older, uglier and lamer than you, on the other hand, means they may try to compensate for their lack of natural attractiveness with the allure of money and gifts for you. When you date someone who is very desirable in the dating market, they may have less reason to cover all of your financial needs the way someone less attractive would. While they may cover a good chunk of the financial responsibilities, it will still be on you to find some way to make fun-money and safety-net money for yourself. Having ways to make money outside of

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 40 your romantic relationship, even if it’s just a part-time gig or a hobby, is a great way to maintain your sense of self, as well as a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. It is good to continue being useful to society and engage with your community in ways other than sex. It is good for you, it is good for your relationship, and it is good for your children and future generations. Exercise: Write down a few things that make YOU a catch to a high quality man. Think of and write down things you could teach to others, or what practical services you could provide that (1) don’t feel like a major burden to you, (2) let you meet cool people while you’re doing them, and (3) give you more energy [more money, more fulfillment, more satisfaction, more intellectual or emotional stimulation] than you’d have if you weren’t performing this duty.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 41 Chapter 6: Types of Sex “Sex is not just a penetration by the man. It can also be thought of as an engulfment by the woman.” -Dr. Sam Vaknin There are three categories I consider successful sexual encounters: 1. Making love 2. Fucking 3. Pre-game Everything else goes into a fourth category: 4. That shit didn’t even count 1. Making love You enjoy this because you are with someone you enjoy on all levels. You make love with a person you would have children with. You can barely resist, but frankly, you don’t want to and you don’t need to. WIthholding from making love brings you more harm than good. You do not regret this the next day. You feel more complete. You feel more whole during and after the process. The process begins as soon as you are feeling good in yourself and have a desire to share and create something beautiful with someone. This allows you to be in a state where interacting with a person you love and desire is possible and enjoyable.You reach out to or respond receptively in order to initiate or reconnect with the person. Events come together perfectly to bring you both together. Coming together feels easy. You feel at ease. You are in the right place, at the right time. You look at this person and you feel elated, peaceful. You admire them. You want the best for them. You find them charming, sexy. You love to look at them and have them look into you in the same manner. You feel a relaxation

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 42 of your facial muscles, your neck, your shoulders, your back. You seem to have a permanent soft smile and slightly hazy eyelids. The event progresses in a slow burn. No rush. You are drawn to each other. Next thing you know, you are alone together, your clothes off, your skin touching. You embrace each other. You want them even closer. Hands on all the right places. Your whole body is felt and appreciated and excited. The dick rubs on your pussy for a while, not in a teasing way, just in that slow burn of passion, of savoring every moment. He goes in, slowly. Effortlessly opening you up. You engulf. His dick feels perfect in your pussy. And it progresses. Your decisions surrounding the final destination of his semen are conscious and consensual, and usually have been discussed ahead of time in previous conversations that organically shifted to the topic of your beliefs and behaviors surrounding birth control and family planning. Maybe he finishes in you, or maybe he pulls out, or maybe you use condoms, but typically you feel secure enough with this person, or are at an appropriate stage of the relationship so as to not use condoms. You’re amazed at this man’s ability to make you feel so sexy, so safe, so desired, so elated. You fall asleep together. I believe sleeping together after making love is sacred and seals in his love for you as your protector while you are in your most vulnerable state. You wake up feeling refreshed, with a more peaceful, graceful, and lively perspective on life that encourages you to continue engaging with the world in a way that is meaningful to you. 2. Fucking This is some wild monkey shit. You are very attracted to this person. The attraction is completely animalistic. It is common for you to feel almost like an alternate, more sexual character when you are fucking. You’re still yourself, but a more wild version of yourself. You feel like a sluttier caricature of yourself.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 43 When you partake in fucking, you’re usually in a creative mood, very confident, definitely turned on. Fucking might be with someone you just met with whom the attraction is almost instant. It can build up over time if you know each other from school, work, the gym, or wherever (more on build-up in the next category). When you are with the man by yourself – when he invites you over to his place, or you meet at your usual spot – you know exactly what will be going down, even if it is never explicitly mentioned. If you are given enough notice, you probably shower and shave everything to your liking. If you are not given enough notice, and it was something that “just happened”, the extra hair or the daily body odor doesn't even matter because you are both in such a horny state of excitement for each other. In fact, the body odor and hair can make it even hotter. It enhances the feeling of it being something “spontaneous”. I usually prefer my fucking sessions to have been planned with SOME advance, like a day, or at least a few hours, so I can organize my day optimally, and hopefully be stress-free for the session. For fucking, it is common for some articles of clothing to be left on. Maybe your skirt is lifted and your panties are pulled to the side. Maybe your bra is on, and as you are fucking one of your boobs pops out. This can be incredibly hot. Clothes that are still on but slipping off add to that feeling of irresistible desire – like releasing the sexual tension with the person was a necessity. You feel in the moment with the person. It is nasty, pleasing, sensual. You feel incredibly good in your body. Where he is cumming is a mutual decision, usually pre-determined, sometimes dangerously decided in the moment. You feel a mutual release. It could be a quickie somewhere. It could be after a fun night out. It could be the result of a chill night in.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 44 If you fuck in the daytime, you will leave the session with more energy. The energy may manifest itself as a charged sexual energy, which is energy that you can place into any creative endeavor, or perhaps into a good time out with your friends or maybe another date if you so choose. If you fuck at nighttime, you'll feel it as a good culmination of your night. You will sleep well. I believe sleeping together after fucking is good, because it has the effect of making you appreciate one another both as good fucks and as humans. It can make you feel more secure, and make him feel more positively invested. You create and maintain a playful bond. 3. Pre-game Pre-gaming makes life incredibly exciting. It makes you excited to go work or to school or your club. It includes flirting. It includes the spontaneous exchange of cryptic and/or explicit messages. It includes the eye-fucking. Pre-game is like a cloud or a field of sexual energy that permeates a room, and everyone in the room can sense it. You are pre-gaming when you look at yourself in the mirror and feel sexy as hell. You are pre-gaming when you do activities that make you feel good and alive, especially dancing, certain types of exercises like Pilates, barre, yoga, running, some forms of weightlifting, and also massages, spas, facials, steam rooms, saunas, and beaches. Tennis clubs tend to be sexually-charged spots with people who are well-calibrated, as well as mid- to high-end gyms. These are good environments in which to practice pre-gaming. Nightclubs are more random in selection of people, and people are in a much more rushed time-warp. But you can meet anybody anywhere, so don’t discriminate against nightclubs and other similar venues. Tennis clubs and high-end gyms will have a concentration of high-quality, fit people. Placing yourself in these environments may be a valuable investment of your time and energy. It has benefits for your body, your long-term health and your social life. Country clubs and gyms also

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 45 give you a feeling of community, since you get to build relationships with people you see regularly, and you are not necessarily rushing for quick attraction like is the case in nightclubs and bars. Pre-gaming is incredibly fun. The beauty of pre-gaming is in its non-attached and open energy. It can be directed at one person, at multiple people, and it can even affect people who the energy is not meant to be directed toward, but they happen to be in the environment where there is sexual, playful energy in the air, and they too will be influenced and tuned into the dominant playful state of the environment. Perhaps you have been the dominant carrier of this energy. You have also been influenced by someone with this energy. Since pre-gaming is an open state, it can be done with people who are not a partner you will be making love to or fucking, but it can serve as a warm-up. If you plan to fuck your partner later, and you want to have a good Fucking session, place yourself in pre-gaming environments so you come charged to your partner when you do meet up. 4. That shit didn’t even count These are sexual scenarios so cringey or bad that they simply don’t count. Here are some examples: ● Your pussy didn’t even get wet. ● His dick didn’t even go in. ● His dick didn’t even stay hard. ● It was just so awkward, boring or forced that you had to stop midway. ● You barely remember it. ● You did not consent to what happened. You should not make any personality determinations or judgements about yourself based on any of these scenarios. Your goal should be to reduce “that shit didn’t even count” instances to few or non-existent. Tips in this book, especially committing to the 9 Tenets, will help you