Women's View Magazine October 2021

VOLUME 15 | ISSUE 10 OCTOBER | 2021 Inspiring, educating, empowering and MAGAZINE celebrating women in our community Change it Up! More inside: Shattering Statistics and Stereotypes Capsule Wardrobes and Help for Soldiers Cosmetic Procedures and others Wardrobe Possibilities and Beauty Options Get a Change of Scenery Facing Changes in Life With a Wine Tour and with Grace Girlfriend Getaway and Gratitude

Close Letter from the Editor VOLUME 15 ISSUE 10 Y ou know what people say … change happens. Well, that’s not PUBLISHER exactly the phrase, but I think you know what I mean! Change Bill Bowman, F & B Publications is a constant, sometimes in ways we seek, other times in forms [email protected] of coincidence, but more often in a great big surprise package, one we would love to return. Getting good results from a new clothing MANAGING EDITOR mashup, hairstyle or cosmetic procedure can be a day brightener, age April Olsen defier, mood lifter. In comparison, facing one of “big” Ds ― divorce, death, diagnosis ― is not a game but instead a life changer to all parties [email protected] involved. To discover the truth of this statement, ask someone dealing with such circumstances if the person in the mirror can’t relate ― yet. EDITOR Crissy Neville And in this military town in which we live, another D-word comes to mind [email protected] ― deployment. PRODUCTION MANAGER/ Not to mention one often wrapped in shiny packaging. Bells and whistles GRAPHIC DESIGNER included. Have you met my unwanted friend, debt? Dylan Hooker Or disaster? He’s a party crasher who [email protected] enters without warning, like the calm before a storm. OPERATIONS DIRECTOR Paulette Naylor Can we get this evil letter banished from the alphabet? Maybe stop at [email protected] A-B-C…? MARKETING REPRESENTATIVE While we can’t alter outcomes in Linda McAlister retrospect, thankfully, we can do something about our reactions to [email protected] them. Since change will happen, Women’s View Magazine October DISTRIBUTION DIRECTOR/ 2021 says why not do one or all of SALES ADMINISTRATOR three things: consider some good Laurel Handforth changes ― possibly just the ticket; make good of the unwanted ones; [email protected] and take steps to ensure some never occur ― God willing. OCTOBER CONTRIBUTORS Bonnie Patterson Let’s “Change It Up” to pass up Mindy Love Jelia Hepner requisite results for something better in the end. Dr. Rebecca Crain, Ph.D Are you interested in writing? Consider contributing an article or pitching a Ashley Blue story idea to WVM. We want to elevate your voice. For more information, email Kaylin Awan 2 | O C TwOomBeEnRsvie2w0@2 1upandcomingweekly.com. Be sure to like us and leave comments on our Facebook page. Mary Bunnells Parker Poole 2 | OCTOBER 2021 Lisa Duffey Mackey Audrey Hasslocher Kalin Williams Vicki Mullins PHOTOGRAPHY An Abundance of Flavor food blog WOMEN'S VIEW MAGAZINE 208 ROWAN ST. FAYETTEVILLE, NC, 28301 PHONE: 910-484-6200 FAX: 910-484-9218 Women’s View Magazine is for, by and about women in Cumberland County. Published by F&B Publications in conjunction with Media Marketing Management. ©2021 by F&B Publications, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction or use of editorial or advertisement without permission is strictly prohibited. Various vector sources credited to © Freepik and © Vecteezy. Association of Community Publishers

Inside October 16 8 20 26 16 BORED? DON'T WHINE; 4 12 HAVE WINE! Change up every day with a girlfriend getaway to 4 WOMAN'S SPOTLIGHT neighboring Johnston County with tours of wineries, Meet Tammy Thurman, creator of A Nation of Sisters shopping and more. organization and radio show as well as the local leader featured in the book, \"Women Crushing Mediocrity,\" by 18 CAPSULE CLOSETS Dr. Cheryl Wood. Learn to select wardrobe pieces for mix-and-match ease and essential closet building, kicking fast fashion to 6 PRETTY PUMPKINS the curb. Just in time for fall decorating, French-inspired decoupaged pumpkins are here, along with a how-to-make-them guide 20 WEAR PINK WITH PRIDE from contributor Ashley Blue. It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month, a time ubiquitous with pink ribbons and pledges of support. 8 COSMETIC CHANGES Lisa Duffey Mackey shares her cancer journey in this Plastic surgery and noninvasive cosmetic procedures have inspiring reflection. seen an uptick during the pandemic. Get the skinny on this tending topic from the view of a local surgeon. 22 SISTERS IN BOOTS Sisters-by-birth share memories, sleepovers and inside 10 A HEART FOR HELPING jokes. Contributor Audrey Hasslocher writes about sisters- The suicide rate is at an all-time high in the public domain in-arms and support groups for them regardless of status. and military ranks. Cadence International, a ministry with local affiliates, provides help for the hurting. 24 DIVORCE CHANGES LIVES Regular WVM contributor Dr. Rebecca Crain, Ph.D., 12 POETRY PAGE offers a 3-step plan for dealing with divorce. Reading and Parker Poole is a local poet who recently returned to sharing her advice is the recommended prequel. Fayetteville after living across the country and state. A graduate of Catawba College, Poole’s works are featured in 26 THE GRAY AREAS OF GOING two anthologies of North Carolina poetry. Stay tuned for GREEN Poole's regular contributions that speak to and of women. Environmentalist Mindy Love knows the ups and downs of going green. In this article, she advises all to read between the lines before jumping on any bandwagon. 13 BOWL ME OVER 28 IT’S A WOMAN’S WORLD, Move over plate — bowl meals are here, providing mealtime CEDAR CREEK makeovers of the most delicious kind. Food blogger Considered “on record” a suburb of Fayetteville, the Kalin Williams is our quick-change culinary artist and township of Cedar Creek is a special place in its own contributing chef. right, filled with history and a close-knit community. 2021 OCTOBER | 3

SWpoomtliagnh'ts Tammy Thurman By Mindy Love S ome people are seemingly born with endless energy, abundant positivity and unlimited time in a day. How else would they accomplish all they set out to accomplish? Tammy Thurman, the creator of A Nation of Sisters and host of the Nation of Sisters radio show, is one such person. Whether it's working at her \"day job\" with Piedmont Natural Gas as the community relations manager, guest speaking at local high schools and universities or serving the community through her youth development organization or the numerous committees she participates in, Thurman's days are nearly endless. However, having the energy for these endeavors The first step is daunting, and until you take the first step doesn't grow on trees; it requires a special mindset. and start doing it, you might as well be scaling a cliff. When Having that mindset takes dedication and asked what her first step was, she replied, \"When I got home daily renewal. that night, I started to unwind, and I started to playback that conversation [in my head]. I could not shake what she said. Dr. Cheryl Wood's book Women Crushing Mediocrity It kept with me. And you know what? I thought I'm sick and highlights \"stories of women who refuse to be held hostage tired of being sick and tired.\" Choking up a bit, she shared, to be ordinary.\" The goal is to help women find their inner fire \"You're not going to make a change until you're sick and tired and strive to \"be amazing\" to create a life they love. One of of being sick and tired.\" the women featured is Thurman, a Fayetteville resident and community leader. Like most women, she was overwhelmed This aha moment launched her on a path of reframing her and tired. Many of us have been there: waking up to the thought processes, worldview and way of life. Faith was a weight of the world on our shoulders with no end in sight big part of this reframing of her mind. Thurman prayed and and going to bed exhausted thinking about how to face it thanked God for her life, realizing she had a wonderful life with all again tomorrow. While spinning on the same tired wheel, many gifts and reasons to be thankful and praying, \"Lord, I Thurman's life took a change for the better while complaining should be more appreciative that I have this job even though to the right person at the right time. I'm going through so much on this job. But Lord, I'm going to do it: I'm going to change the way that I think. I'm going Her friend told her that the only way to change was to renew to be more positive, being more optimistic instead of being her mindset and way of thinking because what you believe is pessimistic about everything. I'm going to try it.\" what you see. She started with walking. Instead of watching TV, she However, Thurman's reset didn't start quite that smoothly; she walked. While on break at work, she walked. At the end of was initially resistant to what her friend was telling her. \"I'll be the workday, she walked. While walking, she began thinking honest with you; it didn't click immediately. I knew she was coming from the right place, but I was in my headspace…I didn't want to hear this. I was used to complaining, and she just hit me with a wall.\" Breaking the cycle was a challenge. 4 | OCTOBER 2021

positive thoughts. \"The next thing I knew, the job didn't First, get it out. Either talk to someone about your day or change, and everything around me hadn't changed; it was journal and write it down. \"Once I get it out, I can handle it me that had changed.\" so much better.\" Then, let it go and end the day on a positive note so you can start the next day with a clean slate. Challenges and obstacles arose, but Thurman didn't give them fuel. The whole process took about a year, but her focus Thurman's desire to rid herself of the same old way of thinking made the time feel much shorter. Today, she's thankful for the gave her more energy to focus on God's plan for her. No journey and the result. matter how you bust out of the same stressful routine, the result is inner peace and energy to focus on the right things Thurman doesn't for your life. For Thurman, her motivation to continue is give people or helping young girls and women through A Nation of Sisters. things free rent in We can all note this: don't carry yesterday's stress with you to her head. the next day. Every day is a new day with a fresh page, and you are the one with the pen. Make every day count. Now, she doesn't give her power away. Another great tip? Tammy Thurman is a woman of faith who is not scared to Thurman also recommends learning when to be quiet and make a mistake because there is no room for fear. She took close one's mouth. In her view, sometimes, you bring more her challenges and made a conscious effort not to allow them work and stress on your shoulders by asking questions or to weigh her down. By freeing up her mind from the dead saying something. \"I started knowing when to speak, when weight of stress, learning when to speak and when to remain not to speak. Sometimes you speak when you shouldn't, and quiet, leaning into her faith and treating each day like a new you're just adding something to your plate you never wanted.\" page, Thurman is, just like the book title, crushing mediocrity. The result is that she knows her worth and her value, which Keeping quiet at the right time prevents those unwanted serves her in all she does. extras from landing in her lap. The result is less work and stress and more energy, happiness and time to focus on her calling. Daily meditation and affirmations and reading scriptures A Nation of Sisters started as a radio show help keep her focus on the end goal: crushing mediocrity and and quickly evolved into an organization fulfilling her dreams of helping young women and girls have that is a vehicle for motivating, mentoring positive role models and mentors so they, too, can learn the and inspiring women. As a radio show skills to blossom and thrive. Getting rid of the dead weight segment with WIDU Radio, A Nation you carry gives you more energy to do what you want to get of Sisters reaches out to females of all accomplished. ages and backgrounds. This platform encourages conversations with young Her mantra is, \"You have to renew your mind every day.\" girls, high schoolers and college women to strive to be the best they can be. Find While not everyone shares Thurman's religious beliefs, she A Nation of Sisters on WIDU 1600AM/ does have some thoughts on how others may benefit from a 99.7FM Wednesday at 5:00 p.m. or mindful reset, as she did. Finding a way to bust out of a \"more connect with the group on Facebook, of the same routine\" life gives you energy and focus. Instagram and YouTube. 2021 OCTOBER | 5

DIY Decoupage Chinoiserie Pumpkins By Ashley Blue I admit, as soon as I see the first for many years ― at home. It's a perfect girls' night pumpkins for sale at my activity, fun and not fussy. Find a favorite cocktail favorite local garden store, I can't wait to load up napkin that coordinates with your table setting or on all that is fall. It's goodbye to the geraniums and design theme and decoupage away! Here’s how. hello to mums in shades of yellow, orange and even purple to place by the front door. I fill my cart with DIY DECOUPAGED CHINOISERIE PUMPKINS pumpkins and gourds in all shapes and sizes to spread about at home, inside and out. It may Materials sound like my decorating is done, but in fact, it's Faux pumpkins from your favorite craft store ― see just beginning. tips below Mod Podge or any decoupage medium ― spray When October arrives, I add sweet little jack-o- version recommended lanterns and funny-faced witches to the mix. Come Foam brush November; it's turkey time. While these holiday- Cocktails napkins ― a medium size pumpkin will themed items get shifted and switched, season- take around four napkins long decorations I count on are fun chinoiserie Scissors (pronounced -'sheen-wah-zuh-ree' ) pumpkins, a Optional gold paint for the stem la decoupage. Tips: Pick a white pumpkin so that the color does Chinoiserie is the imitation or evocation of Chinese not show through the thin paper strips. If you wish motifs and techniques in Western art, furniture to use fresh pumpkins, note the need to throw and architecture, abundant in the 18th century and those away at the end of the season. If you forget available to you today with this easy craft. and put real pumpkins in the attic, your nose will let you know. Colorful and whimsical chinoiserie pumpkins are fanciful fruit and a great way to incorporate Instructions nontraditional colors, like blue, into your fall décor. • Start with a pumpkin of your choice. If you need Fabulous faux pumpkins decorated in fun to paint yours white, make sure it is fully dry chinoiserie or China-inspired patterns are widely before you begin. With materials on hand, the available online or in your favorite retail stores. Still, first step is to gently separate the printed layer if you feel crafty, you can create these yourself with from the white layer of your napkin. This process faux pumpkins ― which can be stored and kept may take two or three layers. Ashley Blue is a Fayetteville native who has worked within the building industry for over twenty years. She is currently an empty nester enjoying work on a new nest. 6 | OCTOBER 2021

• Next, cut your napkin into three or four smaller, Rock’nJOoinnusTfohre River more manageable sections. If your pattern has a border, trim it off but don't throw it away. You October 22concert series. may be able to use it on a smaller pumpkin as nd I did. Bring the family and bring chairs, • Wet the surface of your pumpkin with the Mod relax to some great music. Podge. I used the spray version, but you can also brush on the traditional style using a foam brush. FREE EVENT • Start to lay on your napkin. Once in place, you Parking available at 5pm and can still move it slightly if needed. is $5 per person of each vehicle. • Press out any air bubbles with your foam brush, Healy Beer/ wine and food then add another layer of Mod Podge before sales begin at 5:30pm. adding your next layer. Don't worry about any overlap or wrinkles. That adds to the character! No outside containers or coolers. No pets. • Once your pumpkin is covered, use left scraps of a napkin to fill in any bare spots. RIVERMIST • Give the pumpkin one final spray and gently 6:00 pm press out any air bubbles with your fingers or foam brush. Tuesdays gone • Let your pumpkin air dry to the touch before painting the stem if you choose to. I used a 8:00 pm metallic gold rub and buff paint applied with my fingertip. [email protected] • Allow your pumpkin to dry for at least 24 hours. 1122 Person St, Fayetteville, NC 28312 Set your pumpkin on top of a drinking glass while drying to prevent it from sticking to the 2021 OCTOBER | 7 work surface. • Dry pumpkin completely ― 24 hours recommended ― and enjoy! Easily turn this into a kid-friendly craft project by letting them choose the theme and create their own pumpkins — substitute leftover birthday party napkins in fun prints like Star Wars or Disney. Note: Hold on to that bottle of Mod Podge and use your new skills to create Christmas decorations using glass or shatterproof ornaments. Start with a white base, just like the pumpkins, so the napkin or wrapping paper design really stands out.

Time for a Change? Consider Cosmetic Procedures. By Jelia Hepner N ips, tucks and lifts are on the rise. According to www. plasticsurgery.org, the number of cosmetic procedures rose by 33% over the past two years. U.S. doctors performed more than 10 million cosmetic procedures last year alone. According to a New York Times survey, some 65% of women in their late 20s and 40% of women in their early 20s have undergone an elective surgery or procedure. Regarding the recent uptick in cosmetic procedures, Dr. The top three surgeries are Edward Dickerson, a double board-certified facial plastic • breast augmentation ― up 5% from 2019 surgeon, otolaryngologist and chief medical officer of • liposuction ― up 5% Fayetteville Plastic Surgery & Cape Fear Aesthetics ― a • and tummy tucks ― up 10% cosmetic enhancement practice and MedSpa based in Fayetteville and Cary ― explained the trend in two words: Body-sculpting procedures such as buttock augmentations, the pandemic. which improve the contour, size or shape of a person's bottom, and thigh lifts, which diminish excess skin and fat of Already a bustling business, even a widespread health crisis one’s upper legs, also saw a surge. didn’t slow the demand for elective procedures, according to Dickerson; in fact, the crisis accelerated it. Shutdowns, Some 6.9 million minimally invasive procedures were reduced hours and quarantines brought many persons both performed in 2020. Of these, the most popular downtime and overtime to think about their looks. procedures were • Botox ― up 3% from 2019 And the pandemic isn’t over yet. • cosmetic fillers ―up 2% • chemical peels ― up 1% \"Our patient load has increased since the onset of the • and microdermabrasion ― up 4% pandemic,\" said Dickerson. \"Remote work has made it easier for individuals to take time off from their jobs to schedule Minimally invasive cosmetic procedures grew slightly more procedures and recover privately without missing work.” than invasive surgical procedures like breast augmentations, liposuction and nose reshaping and were up this past year Continuing, he shared, \"COVID brought perspective on many nearly 200% since 2000. Dickerson reveals that cosmetic things, and for many, the focus was on the face.\" procedures are also more acceptable in today's culture versus the past. \"I decided to get Botox about a year ago,\" said high school teacher Katie McPhaul. \"Being on a ZOOM camera with my \"Reality shows and social media show people to be more students all day, I noticed some issues with my face that were accepting of cosmetic procedures; it is more in the forefront, noticeable, and I wanted to take care of those.\" and people do not feel judged as in the past,\" said Dickerson. Phone apps like FaceTime and Snapchat provide instant Since March 2020, workers have spent more time on web sharing, communication, fueling the fettish. platforms like ZOOM ― not the most complimentary of mirrors. Chalk up another reason for the plastic surgery and Star power further explains the pivot. Celebrities including cosmetic procedure growth spurt. Kim Kardashian, model Tyra Banks, Rapper Cardi B. and more have opened up publicly about their cosmetic procedures. The American Society for Plastic Surgeons reports over 1.8 million cosmetic surgical procedures in the past two years. A Fayetteville native, Jelia Hepner is currently a graduate student living in Raleigh. With a bachelor's degree in mass communications, she is a former reporter for The Fayetteville Observer and The Paraglide. Business, relationships, parenting, entrepreneurship, events and women’s issues are topics she enjoys covering. 8 | OCTOBER 2021

Dsotat\"oCDB\"aoOOhhanwufoepeiffaecnudrissesnlkctemtrcppctetewtyheoufeaih,rt,ieofslnisrewwheoltstFolmdiomorcthcehanaesomcieyeS.fcpemsooie,“luhndpmeiOlnftturirtdiaochsgcutsenelhu.piaieorvtcncMzeltsiiouctohacleimaloaobnttnepbtfinnrewoofiiaerorainysenroednh,ncmnpctsaFienhanheckranartuiiacesedaeyncotalcsicnveuuhredrilteootrd.peiabw”tcecgnteiwaeepnoshhnvti’saasgsveiieipelztrtpilitnsredenrinooertedcrpsootubneosvonvupayft,mefsiiillifrdwvnrUanmeoiaenercvrcpagiieoatlneyfnturyl&tsnheavetidpicaeavsmevxCia,neerringcobwsyr.ndgoaoomlipeienmnametDaiilgnsemanstoifesticiogvaeru,r,e\"k\"orevnnnWlestswiihdcttnaaatrokhaoseewiaiDediftfddoudeoeosayouAsfnrsmsrkuyoopsg,rR,'ltB.siulystunIiuMbvioNerrogteumesuGinottseswntTcwbiaOthehneDmryseRiotloEfiuotwBr9FRAa!roarMu2Iodayyts0.dhnhefh:waeeekntaa9owBDwtmyiiveudet1reashAfmyrvsi0puyhLgs,RSiGat.ela-SASshIuIliM4brreNIoNUnDtrahNru,om8ettGuYGiltYoLietNloGhnDn0lsLeOw.nrlotCLcTgIcoRwEi-rgnbVOfi,EoaO1vtidh2esOhnmLe0wlKyel8AODmoRdIa1,rAyNseDu3l0oOCRAioktDrlGgoV1EEfiKusugotVslw4DAEao!nIoreEFaNrNvMnnInaOyNnmetpGiTL.hdnShttRTfGaawhUSAeeIhgabliUrwNIUewimnfDivRiTaSuNzotkRetiGYhtpaOHIYyytriiFGahNOWnhnyroiLAUntEOGedsooLuS,gghGUEiDIodr,unsSwfIU,,RE’D,evONLSmtVsmLPhYeieylmEOGlNEaoAOeallKRobrLaoDANWgLoosobEDmuerOOvONFDaEEenvTrkeuheVEaOtKuTOiknPneUiyhValoeRwDMnEoniIKEtEoWlu!dREdNhtoENvganAICfCnoNArssONiiouNeyALGnkis,TLsRaTefLnkDtU.rT-iDAGnosEulUnIieIuEhgMblnAoNSUOTVergDrFkIRni5ugmer’,kIEBuRGNOrm5s,GlOOtfioFeNasoOI5LeLnRwErcftUNoaOaTrcwtTEAugUry!hbSuAik,nalOSSa,RUntDohIeieSashndBcNnnHuRehYtnageDmkigLGrOoIaonluwyDdsePioREmhiuLodgytUala.nkAoif,EfEiauorsfwuDySotiewsg,RAuad!ttr.laoArfLsuorIrsMDMubIysoNaysO,Rnrmltput.I.omeLhshuuGSIgVfOMGabtwvaoNeSAeIasreiOwuewrKNwImmUetnivDTuGcwaNttRbdeIiathGaYOsteYtNihwGhelotChnnTcwkLeobGgiLaDmEgOsEtirhsneyfhn,EsDeRoeiotFsaLDmloynrEfiunOyAOsoteowR Dickerson. \"We are here for our patients, so we discuss Look no further. procedures, payment options and answer any questions or concerns they may have.\" Flexible financing also exists, ranging from medical credit Having one special person cards and personal loans to payment plans offered by for your car, home and life doctors' offices. insurance lets you get down to business with the rest of your life. \"I had a mommy makeover known as a tummy tuck,\" said Jennifer Morales, military wife. \"I went on a diet and did It’s what I do. exercises but still could not get rid of the extra skin.\" GET TO A Procedures such as the tummy tuck and liposuction are BETTER STATE™. popular with mothers who desire their pre-pregnancy bodies. CALL ME TODAY. \"Having children and trying to get my body back was very hard,\" said Morales. \"This procedure changed my life, and now I hope that women or men will take steps to achieve the body they want and desire.\" Interested? Potential patients should follow these steps before committing to a cosmetic procedure. • Consider cosmetic work done for yourself and not due to State Farm Mutual Automobile Insurance Company, the influence of others. State Farm Indemnity Company, State Farm Fire and Casualty Company, • Make an appointment to talk to a board-certified plastic State Farm General Insurance Company, Bloomington, IL surgeon and have any questions or concerns answered. At the consultation, inquire about payment options, 1101201 healing and recovery, procedures and any other circumstances. 2021 OCTOBER | 9 • Research the procedure you are considering, the physician and the practice. • Seek the best version of yourself, whether the procedural goal is to tuck, shrink or smooth.

Help for the Hurting Suicide Prevention, Military Ministry and Cadence International By Bonnie Patterson Jeremy Cover was a soldier during Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation New Dawn, flying Blackhawks in 2010. He relates a near-tragedy during his service that, unfortunately, is all too common. \"They urgently woke me up in the middle of the night,\" he shared. \"A young enlisted man who was suicidal requested me by name. We first made sure the soldier was safe and separated him from his firearm. I just listened to him and affirmed him. He told me all about his marriage failure, personal problems and losing his first child. I told him he was not alone, God loved him, and there is hope in Jesus.\" Continuing, Jeremy shared how clergy The Center for Disease Control states people try to commit suicide: loss of and medical providers treated the suicide is the 10th leading cause of relationships, loss of hope and moral soldier for depression. As his Facebook death in the country. According to injury. For example, the ending of friend today, Jeremy knows the man he Military.com, https://www.military.com/ a marriage or feeling they made a met that night is still married with one benefits/veterans-health-care/signs- horrible mistake they can't ever live child. While this incident stands as the of-suicide-how-to-help.html, these key past. Moral injury is a sense of loss of first time Jeremy helped talk someone symptoms point to suicidality: moral center. A person may lose their down from suicide, his reoccurring sense of innate goodness if they have assistance has become a theme in • Expressing hopelessness, like committed or witnessed an act of moral his life. there's no way out compromise. Moral injury occurs when a person feels they should have been Jeremy Cover came from a military • Appearing sad or depressed most able to stop it or control the terrible family. In addition to his own military of the time thing and feel morally unclean. Post- career, his brother Tim also served. Traumatic Stress Disorder is a loss of felt On June 11, 2011, at the age of 20, Tim • Feeling anxious, agitated or unable safety. An example of PTSD is a soldier committed suicide. to sleep having the vehicle in front of their convoy destroyed. Moral injury is more Despite a flourishing career, Tim was • Neglecting personal well-being often a reason for suicide than PTSD.\" struggling personally and mentally. • Withdrawing from family He felt alone and hopeless. Tim was Dan elaborated on what can be done to not the first and will not be the last and friends turn the tables on the suicide stats. “The silent casualty of war. In 2021, The New • Losing interest in best prevention of suicide is meaningful York Times reported 30,177 suicides relationships. A civilian or a soldier needs of veterans and active-duty military day-to-day activities to feel they have a safe environment compared to 7,057 killed during military • Frequent and dramatic at home. They need someone who operations since Sept. 11, 2002. Military can affirm they are important and not and civilian organizations are racing to mood changes criticize them. Try to encourage, praise understand the causes and clues • Expressing feelings of excessive and look for positive things about them. of imminent suicide and working Validate their feelings and be a good toward prevention. guilt or shame listener. Think of ways to be a good • Feelings of failure or friend and do things together.” decreased performance • Feeling like there's no reason to live • Increased alcohol or drug abuse • Talking about death Military clergyman Dan Kersey said, “There are several main reasons Bonnie Patterson worked as a registered nurse for 10 years and has been a military wife for 15 years. In the past three years, she has enjoyed living in Fayetteville as a mother of two, church volunteer and worship leader. 10 | O C TO B E R 2 0 2 1

“In a suicide emergency,” he shared, “do to do within the Working with Cadence International, not leave a person alone. An acronym military structure. Jeremy and Kim have seen the that can help you know what to do is The loss of several opportunity to pour into marriages, Ask, Care and Escort. Ask if the person comrades and families and individuals. They host Bible has a plan or has thoughts to hurt his brother to suicide showed him the studies, hold family potluck dinners in themselves. Care for them by listening urgency needed to address the issues the comfort of their home and invite and talk to them about positive things he saw, and after separating from active others to come, giving them the chance you see in their lives worth living for. duty to seek help himsel from Veterans to mentor single and married soldiers. Escort them to the next care level, Affairs. Then he began to pursue the Married couples find the guest lecture whether to the hospital by calling ministry through accomplishing a sessions on marriage and parenting 911 or a counselor's office. Make sure biblical studies and counseling degree. helpful in keeping their families strong the environment is safe; look in the Soon he met his future wife, Kim, a between constant deployments and medicine cabinet and the gun safe. fellow soldier, in 2004. After a long- training. Since Jeremy is an ordained Is it possible the suicidal person has distance relationship through combat minister, he has baptized several service access to illicit drugs? Remove as many tours, they married in 2006; Kim left the members. Jeremy and Kim have dangers as possible.\" service to become a full-time mom and frequently walked beside depressed teacher to the couple's three boys. soldiers or family members while Suicide significantly affects the receiving medical help or marital community, the family and friends of Her many college classes, studies at counseling. Serving at the Fort Bragg the deceased. Carolina Bible college and time in the Hospitality House in Fayetteville, the military give her a unique mixture of couple fundraises all their living and National Suicide humor and sagely life experience. Kim ministry expenses themselves. Prevention Awareness radiates peace of God, hard-won from Month is recognized each battle and personal struggles. To learn more, visit www.cadence. September, but October org/ or https://cadence.org/missionary/ or any time is perfect for Finally reunited in 2010, the couple jeremy-and-kim-cover/ to help the Cover helping someone in need. attended Cadence ministry at one duty family increase their outreach to hurting station. Through men and women's soldiers and military families. Receiving help himself, Jeremy Bible studies in a comfortable house answered that call. After his brother's environment, they both healed from Don't wait to contact the National death, Jeremy experienced deep combat stress and grew in faith. After depression while on active duty. A five years, they felt called to help other Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800- minister helped him maintain mission soldiers and other military families. readiness. Although Jeremy excelled Cadence International serves all 273-TALK or 1-800-273-8255 if you or as a pilot and loved his career, he could branches of the military in 68 locations not help others the way he felt called around the world with 200 missionaries. someone you know needs help. Its mission is \"Sharing the gospel and 2021 OCTOBER | our lives with the military community.\" 11

The Belly Dancer's Yard Sale A TV and a double bed. The belly dancer’s yard sale But the sign out front had said: was not what I expected. \"Belly Dancer's Yard Sale\" It was not pantaloons and finger cymbals. So, I asked, No silk tassels or gauzy veils. No genie slippers and patchouli. and the grandmotherly woman It was a toaster oven and a crock pot. making change at the folding table Pantsuits and church dresses and wrapping things in newspaper said, and a lot of Tupperware. A set of golf clubs and men's shoes, “Well, he died two years ago all size 10 and a half. and now I’ve decided to become There were cookbooks a belly dancer.\" and towel sets, romance novels -Parker Poole and an ironing board. 12 | O C TO B E R 2 0 2 1

Change It Up with Meals in a Bowl By Kalin Williams In this season of change, let’s put meal being nestled snugly in warmth of global cuisines, these away the plates and embrace a bowl that exudes a much- dishes will keep you pleased at the coziness of one-bowl meals. needed comfort as the weather breakfast, lunch, dinner and all There’s something about your starts to cool. Inspired by the the snack times in between. Southern Cheesy Grits 2 eggs Breakfast Bowl 1 cup cooked bacon, chopped Green onions, to garnish Serves 2 Instructions A Southern staple, you cannot go wrong Bring the water and milk to a boil. Stir in with serving up hot grits at breakfast. grits and reduce to a simmer. Cover and Southern Cheesy Grits Breakfast Bowls cook for up to 20 minutes or until thick. start with a foundation of creamy, Add cheddar cheese and stir well until cheddar grits and are layered with melted. Set aside. crisp bacon, sautéed vegetables and freshly cooked eggs to round out this In a small pan over medium heat, sauté satisfying meal. bell pepper, onions and mushrooms in olive oil until soft. Add a dash of salt and Ingredients pepper and remove from the pan. 1 cup grits 2 cups water Reduce the heat to low and melt 2 cups milk the butter. Add the eggs and cook to 1 cup cheddar cheese your liking. ½ bell pepper, diced ¼ onion, diced Spoon cheesy grits into each bowl. Add 6 ounces mushrooms, sliced thin bacon, sautéed veggies, and eggs and Salt and pepper, to taste garnish with green onions. 2 tablespoons olive oil Serve immediately. 1 tablespoon butter Tropical Dragon Fruit ½ cup milk Smoothie Bowl Various toppings ― shredded coconut, almond slivers, nut butter Serves 2 Instructions Tropical Dragon Fruit Smoothie Add all ingredients to the blender Bowls are as delicious as they are or food processor and blend until vibrant. Customize with your favorite smooth. For a thinner consistency, add fruit and toppings, and enjoy this more milk. For a thicker consistency, smoothie bowl for a filling breakfast add more ice. or nutritious snack. Scoop into bowls and finish with Ingredients toppings of your choice or enjoy plain. 2 cups dragon fruit (pitaya), frozen 1 mango, frozen* *If using fresh fruit, add 1 cup ice 1 kiwi, frozen* ½ cup blueberries Through her food blog, Abundance of Flavor, Kalin Williams loves encouraging others in the kitchen to step out of their comfort zone and try something new. A Fayetteville native now living in Chapel Hill, she loves trying new local restaurants and exploring different cuisines. Connect with her and find recipes and cooking tips at AbundanceofFlavor.com. 2 0 2 1 O C TO B E R | 13

Southwestern Rotisserie Chicken Burrito Bowl Serves 4 Easy Rotisserie Chicken Burrito Bowls is the kind of dinner to which I’ll never say no. A classic chicken burrito bowl filled with southwestern flavors and vegetables is made easier with juicy rotisserie chicken. Ingredients Moroccan Couscous Salad Bowl with 1 cup rice, cooked Grilled Chicken 1 tablespoon cilantro, finely chopped 1 tablespoon lime juice Serves 2 1 rotisserie chicken, shredded 1 13.5-ounce can of black beans Moroccan Couscous Salad Bowl with Grilled Chicken is the 1 13.5-ounce can of corn perfect meal to serve when you’re looking for a light and 1 teaspoon cumin healthy dish. Combining the best of Moroccan cuisine, the 1 teaspoon oregano golden couscous and spice blend rub will transport you to Salt and pepper, to taste the majestic Maghreb. 1 avocado, sliced thin ¼ cup of Pico de Gallo Ingredients Cilantro, to garnish 2 chicken breasts 2 tablespoon Moroccan spice blend ― 1 teaspoon each: Instructions cumin, paprika, cayenne, ginger, nutmeg, turmeric, salt Over low heat, warm the rice and toss in cilantro and lime and pepper juice. Stir well and set aside. 2 tablespoons olive oil ½ cup golden couscous Heat a medium-sized pan over medium heat. Add rotisserie 2/3 cup water or broth chicken, black beans, corn, cumin, oregano, salt and pepper to ½ cup tomato sauce the pan. Mix until combined and cook until heated through, 2 heads romaine lettuce, chopped about 5-10 minutes. 6 ounces of grape tomatoes, halved ½ cucumber, chopped Spoon rice into each bowl. Add the chicken and vegetable ¼ red onion, sliced thin mixture, and then top with avocado and Pico de Gallo as Olive oil vinaigrette, optional desired. Garnish with fresh cilantro and serve with chips. Instructions Prepare the Moroccan spice blend. Heat a pan over medium heat. Rub the chicken breasts with the Moroccan spice blend until coated. Add the olive oil to the pan, followed by the chicken breasts. Cook until the internal temperature reaches 165 degrees Fahrenheit, about 5-7 minutes per side. Set aside to cool. While the chicken is cooking, start the couscous. Bring the water or broth to a boil. Add the couscous and remove from heat. Let stand for five minutes and fluff. Mix in tomato sauce and set aside. In two salad bowls, distribute the romaine lettuce, grape tomatoes and cucumber. Top with couscous and sliced chicken. Drizzle olive oil or an olive oil vinaigrette and serve with yogurt if desired. 14 | O C TO B E R 2 0 2 1

Sweet Potato Thai Curry Bowl Serves 4 Sweet Potato Thai Curry Bowls are bursting with immense flavor that will have everyone returning for seconds. Ready in under 30 minutes, this easy skillet dinner is a balanced meat- free meal that tastes like it’s been simmering all day. Ingredients 3-4 garlic cloves, minced 2 tablespoons ginger, minced 2 tablespoons olive oil 2 tablespoons green curry paste ½ cup broth or water 1 13.5-ounces can of coconut milk 1 13.5-ounces can of chickpeas or garbanzo beans, drained 2 sweet potatoes, cubed Salt and pepper, to taste Instructions Heat a pan over medium heat. Sauté garlic and ginger in olive oil until soft, about 2-3 minutes. Pour in curry paste, broth and coconut milk and stir until combined. Add chickpeas, sweet potatoes and a dash of salt and pepper. Bring to a boil. Cover and reduce the heat to a simmer, cooking 20-25 minutes or until the sweet potatoes are soft. Serve with yogurt and fresh cilantro, and enjoy! Mediterranean Ingredients Tahini Dressing tomatoes, olives, orange Buddha Bowl 1-2 cups leafy greens 1/4 cup tahini pepper and chickpeas or spinach 1/2 lemon, juiced around the bowl and finish Serves 2 1/2 cup quinoa 2 tablespoons olive oil with the hummus in the 1/2 cucumber, sliced thin middle. Garnish with parsley. Regularly committing to 8 ounces grape Instructions eating fresh and plant- tomatoes, halved Place the lettuce in a large Whisk tahini, lemon juice based meals can be made 8 ounces or 1/2 can bowl. Top evenly with and olive oil until easier with customizable large olives quinoa. Arrange cucumber, combined. Pour over the Buddha bowls. Craft your 1 orange pepper, bowl and enjoy. own Mediterranean Buddha roughly chopped Bowl that is overflowing 15 ounces or 1 can 2 0 2 1 O C TO B E R | 15 with incredible flavor and chickpeas, roasted packed with nutrients to 1/3 cup hummus fuel your body and mind. Parsley, to garnish

Girlfriend Getaway - Fall Edition By Mary Bunnells If you're anything like me, a wanton, wanderlust spirit is picturesque hills of planted vineyards and doubles as both a always nudging you to run ― and I don't mean in the winery and distillery. Economists will love the venue's offerings physical fitness kind of way. A day or stay away with of free tours and wine tastings starting at just $5. Foodies will my best girlfriends is the perfect solution for such a appreciate Lane's Seafood and Steak House located right on prod. Small weekend adventures maintained my desire for the property. The names Fearless and Lady Grits are two of travel this summer. These getaways were great substitutes their brandy wines ― labels with a certain ring to them that for my longer vacation longings, but sometimes, the most make me want to try them. You can soak up the peaceful challenging part often is figuring out what to do and where evenings in this beautiful county setting. to go. I say, why whine about a few challenges when you can have wine? A wine tour of venues just a short drive up the Hinnant Family Vineyards road can be a great source to keep the fun alive well into fall. Off we go to the pretty town of Pine Level, home to the largest Over 400 vineyards and over 200 wineries call North Carolina muscadine vineyard in the state ― Hinnant Family Vineyards. home, and while we can't visit them all in one weekend, a girl Here, 100 acres of grapes of all kinds yield everything from can dream! Even if you don't enjoy an occasional glass of rosé, dry whites and reds to the North Carolina traditional sweet buckle up because there is something for everyone in this scuppernong. The site gives free tours with tastings starting wine tour, even the nature lovers, shoppers and hard spirit at $10, plus a souvenir wineglass is yours to keep. Other fans among you. attractions include online shopping, a wine club and events. If you have groups of eight or more, reach out ahead of time to Johnston County is our northeastern neighbor, affectionately ensure the vineyard can accommodate your party. Find out known as JoCo. And, what a nice neighbor to have with its more at https://hinnantvineyards.com/. variety of vineyards, wineries and more! Myrick Vineyards Gregory Vineyards The last stop I have for you is a great one for the drive home. Our first stop in the county is Angier's Gregory Vineyards. The Another Johnston County gem is Myrick Vineyards in Selma, town may be nicknamed \"The Town of Crepe Myrtles,\" but which offers the unique experience of picking your own grapes grow here pretty well, too. The 135-acre farm features grapes. The picking season is mid-August through early October, just in time for milder temperatures and some Mary Bunnells is a single mother and a multipassionate entrepreneur who understands the importance of taking time for yourself and having balance in your life. She is a North Carolina real estate broker with Century 21 Liberty and owner of MJ Fitness, offering classes especially catered to women. 16 | O C TO B E R 2 0 2 1

S o At Join Us 2021 Gallery Events fall foliage. Picking is only one way to enjoy these JoCo November 9th grapes; Myrick also offers five fresh market grapes and four muscadine wine grape varieties. Silly me, I thought 2 0 2 1 O C TO B E R | 17 the choices were only red and green! From educational opportunities to family outings, Myrick Vineyards has got you covered. Read all about it at https://www.myrickvineyards. com/. What better way to end your wine tour weekend than by bringing delicious hand-picked grapes home to enjoy. The ones you left behind will thank you for it. Weekend Stays Extend your stay in Johnston by making your day trip a weekend to remember with a Sip and Stay package, available at various hotels and inns in several towns. If you're staying in Smithfield, be sure to request the Girlfriend Weekend package when you book your reservation to receive gift bags with coupons and discounts. Discounted rates and additional savings are yours, even for some of the places on our tour list. Find the Girls Weekend hotel package at this link, www. johnstoncountync.org/hotels/packages-and-deals/girls- weekend/. And as long as you are staying over, why not trek Johnston's Beer, Wine and Shine Trail, the first of its kind in the state? Not only will you visit recommended wineries, but also several craft breweries and handcrafted spirit distilleries. Get stamped when traversing the trail by downloading the program passport at https://www.johnstoncountync.org/. Win prizes by submitting the document when complete; that's my kind of stamp collection! Imagine it now, all your best girlfriends, great wine and savvy shopping at Carolina Premium Outlets in Smithfield ― just to name one of many things you can do in jovial JoCo. Weekend made!

Simplify Your Closet By Kaylin Awan T hey say fall is all about change. I find that to be pretty true. You may be starting to pull out those boxes of clothing containing your fall and winter wardrobe feeling uninspired and bored with what you see. We’ve all been there! With the topics of sustainability and over consumption more present than ever, save time, money and help the environment by investing in a capsule wardrobe. Definition. The term “capsule wearing a fluffy, furry purple jacket invest in a capsule wardrobe, you’ll wardrobe” dates back to the 1940s everyday would be amazing. Will I want these pieces to last as long as and is best described as a small actually wear it more than a few times possible. I’d go for natural fabrics and collection of garments designed to a year? No, but I would absolutely wear designers or brands you trust. Have be worn together, harmonized in a lightweight, casual white button fun with this. I suggest stepping into color and styles. Every piece has to go down any day or time of the year. stores you normally would walk right with one another so you can mix and on by. Try on the garments and see match. This will create more value and You have to be honest with yourself what feels good and flatters you. excitement in your outfits rather than and know for certain you’d wear waste and boredom after a few wears. your chosen pieces weekly. This Now, for what a fall and winter capsule commitment is both a staple and the should consist of, let’s remember to Rules. Before we get into the best goal of capsule wardrobe building. use versatile styles and colors. types of pieces to include in your The fluffy purple jacket is a statement, capsule wardrobe, let’s talk about not a staple, piece. Get familiar with Jeans. You’ll want a great and I mean the “rules.\" For starters, make note the difference in your own closet! great pair of jeans. This item may be of categories that fit your lifestyle. one you wear most, so having two or Note any colors, styles and silhouettes Next, make sure the pieces you’re three wouldn’t hurt if you love to play that define your personal style. This choosing are great quality. As you around with different styles. A few task can be as simple as taking note of which pieces you reach for and wear most. If you’re unhappy with your personal style at the moment, I encourage you to sort through Pinterest, Instagram or good ole magazines for some inspiration. Just remember it’s best to build your capsule wardrobe around your actual life and not your dream life. I think Kaylin Awan is a freelance wardrobe stylist whose services include personal, e-commerce, lifestyle, and product styling. She has styled established fashion brands across the US, including Hanes, Amazon, Free People, Urban Outfitters, Maidenform, and Saks 5th Avenue. Connect with her at kaylinawam.com. 18 | O C TO B E R 2 0 2 1

styles I recommend are skinny, straight leg or a cute cropped jean to show off some ankle boots. The key is to choose timeless styles rather than trendy fads. Tops. This next piece is a texture we all admire, even if you haven’t owned one just yet — a cashmere knit sweater. This article can last years if you treat it right and contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t need to be dry cleaned! No time for hand washing? Here’s a tip I learned from Net-A-Porter: just pop your woolens into a pillow case and wash on cold. That's it! For the purchase, I suggest a neutral or muted tone as these for the longest stretch possible in wearability. Layers. Have you tried a blazer yet? Morphing from a corporate classic to a capsule-wardrobe essential, blazers can be worn casually with a tee and jeans or put on over a dress. The choice is yours; the possibilities endless. If you want a quick piece to throw on that equally makes you look and feel put together, this is it. A few styles to try are oversized, structured, linen or leather. Now that we have jeans, a purse will be just right. If you’re like me Defining your own needs is a must. blazer and sweater down, a and love accessories, it may be hard to Other staples to include are a watch, a jacket is next. In North Carolina, limit yourself to just one. If you’re going necklace or two and sunglasses. a jacket doesn’t have to be to have two, I suggest one that’s dressy extremely heavy but it is a sound like a little black bag with a chain strap. I hope this has been an inspiring investment. A classic coat will and helpful guide to building your stand the test of time and be Shoes. Footware depends on your very own capsule wardrobe this fall your favorite layering piece come lifestyle and preferences but start with and winter. Enjoy more time and winter. Try a few different styles one pair each of boots, sneakers, heels less decision fatigue when choosing and see which one fits with the and one style of flats. The penny loafer what to wear and also gratitude and rest of your choices thus far. I is popular for capsule wardrobes, but compliments with a wardrobe that recommend a trench, belted or even a ballet flat or slip on style will do. feels the most you. buttoned camel coat or a leather motorcycle jacket, but you pick 2 0 2 1 O C TO B E R | 19 what you love. These are the classics, but I suggest supplementing your capsule with t-shirts, one blouse, a pant or skirt, at least one go-to dress and a few extras. Accessories. Having an exceptional bag that fits with any outfit is key. Do you often carry a lot of things? If so, try a tote, hobo or stylish backpack. For those who carry less, a cross body

A Survivor’s Breast Cancer Story October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month By Lisa Duffey Mackey A few times in life, the words a person is about to 13, I was called into Dr. Sawyer’s office to hear the dreaded say have significant importance, and one hopes words, “It is breast cancer.” they will come across as intended. My intention by From that moment, time took off at warp speed. Dr. sharing my cancer story ― my survivor story ― is to convey Sawyer assigned a personal liaison to help me with questions and to get my calendar in order. Within three positivity and hope. days of that appointment, blood work was done, and my first appointment was scheduled with my new My story begins when I felt the happiest I had in my life. oncologist, Dr. Manning. Both Doctors Manning and Recently married to the love of my life, I had my oldest son Sawyer immediately instilled such confidence in me and in college, my youngest entering his high school senior my husband. We were told exactly what type of cancer I year and looking forward to all the great things that should had ― HER2 +, triple positive ― an aggressive, fast-growing entail, my step-daughter successfully starting her work life type. My medical team assured us that the tumor was both and my real estate career doing extremely well. Life was treatable and curable. I held on to those words and refused good! Cue 2020. to believe otherwise. Every year that I have been eligible per my insurance for I had an echocardiogram within another week to test my mammography exams, I have gotten one. Though there is heart health before beginning chemotherapy. I also had no history of breast cancer in my family, I was very careful to outpatient surgery to install a port-a-cath in my chest to stay on top of exams to be on the safe side. In January 2019, receive chemotherapy, typically very harsh on veins. I had my mammogram was normal. In 2020, I was a few weeks four lymph nodes removed during that surgery to see if late getting around to scheduling my annual checkup, but cancer had spread; gratefully, it had not. I continued to do self-exams in the shower. March 2020 is when I found it ― the lump. There was no doubt in my The next two weeks, as I healed from those procedures, my mind as to what I found. I always thought it would be hard husband and I attended “chemo school” to teach us what to tell. No, I knew. we needed to know and how to prepare. I had additional CTs and steroids to prepare. On May 15, 2020, I went into On Mar. 31, 2020, I had a mammogram with an ultrasound. Cape Fear Cancer Center for my first chemotherapy On Apr. 8, I went for a biopsy at Valley Regional Imaging treatment. I was told the course of treatment would be and immediately sat in front of Dr. Elizabeth Sawyer at Valley Surgical Associates. On Monday, Apr. Lisa Duffey Mackey lives in Fayetteville with her wonderful husband Dean, both of whom are real estate agents with Keller Williams Realty Fayetteville. She is the proud mother of Randy and Ryan Duffey and stepmother to Kirsten Mackey. 20 | O C TO B E R 2 0 2 1

hard, and it was. But as scary as these processes could have were strong enemies. I owe all my love and gratitude to been, the nurses and staff made me feel so much better; I my husband and family for their amazing support knew I was in excellent care. throughout this journey. My prescribed treatment was four rounds of “Red Devil,” At this point, I was most grateful for being a self-employed named for the bright red color of the drug slowly fed into realtor; I could work as I was able. My prayers and my port. Nausea meds and Benadryl accompanied it. This admiration go out to those who go through chemotherapy course was so harsh I could only receive one round every while working full time. I don’t know how anyone does it. three weeks. I was told to expect my hair to begin coming out approximately 12 days after my first treatment, and like In October, I completed chemo and was given six an alarm going off, I was pulling handfuls out in the shower weeks to rest before another biopsy to see how my on the twelfth day. As vain as it sounds, yes, the hair loss was body had responded to the treatment. We would then what I dreaded the most. decide between a mastectomy I was the most nervous or lumpectomy. Prayers were at that point. But this answered; I had a complete response brings me to my favorite to treatment! On Dec. 3, 2020, I part of the story ― we underwent a lumpectomy performed had a party! Yes, we did! by Dr. Sawyer. Seven days later, at My amazing husband my follow-up, my physician informed put together a pink me no evidence of cancer remained Champagne party and and cleared me to begin radiation invited my closest friends treatment as additional insurance that to join us in a “shear my every cancer cell was gone. head” gathering. We took charge and decided how During January and February of this my hair would come out, year, I underwent radiation at Cape surrounded by love and Fear Cancer Center with another laughter. The dearest phenomenal team of professionals people in my life each and rang the bell a second time Feb. took a turn, and together 16. I continued Herceptin infusions we took my hair. What an until May 12, 2021. empowering moment! When I first met Dr. Manning, he said he knew what I I do not pretend to say that treatment was easy; it was far had and would successfully treat it. He said it would be from it. I slept a lot, and the nausea was tough, but the 14 months of war. He was right, but it was also a year medical team assured me that these symptoms were no where I was blessed with learning how to let go and let surprises. Following the four rounds of Adriamycin, I God, endowed with the best medical team I could have began weekly infusions of Taxol and Herceptin. These ever dreamed of, enveloped with love from my family and would take place weekly for 12 rounds. These meds friends like I could never imagine and fortunate to hear required regular tests of my heart for possible damage, those final words from Dr. Manning, “You are cancer-free! and again I was doing well, but my tiredness and weakness Go enjoy your life!” Now I daily pray for other warriors to be blessed as I have been. 2 0 2 1 O C TO B E R | 21

Sisterhoods for Military Women Changing stereotypes and creating bonds By Audrey Hasslocher M ore than 375,000 women serve in the U.S. military ― active duty and reserve combined. Although the military as a whole has grown since 1998, the percentage of women in service has only increased slightly, from 14% then to 16% today. That’s only 2% growth in 23 years. Low retention rates for women in the military has not been According to McPhaul, when women veterans exit the a topic of open discussion; however, statistics show women military, they face unique challenges in their transition join the service but are 28% more likely to leave the service and face gender-specific obstacles. WoVen ― Women’s than men. Unfortunately, hard statistics reveal a work Veterans Network ― member McPhaul said, “Women want culture not encouraging or conducive to women. to be able to bond with other women who get it. We join these groups to connect and collaborate with like-minded According to the Government Accountability Office, the and like-hearted women we enjoy spending time with. The root causes of low retention rates for military women military had caused many women much pain, and simply are poor leadership, lack of female mentors, gender having an outlet is a tremendous asset.\" discrimination, sexual assaults and perceived bias during subjective evaluations and promotion decisions. How can relationships create in women military affiliates a stronger fighting force and a better bonded active, retired Female military members voice the following issues that or discharged military membership? Read on to find out. affect job satisfaction and service member attrition. • Family: work/life balance Mentorships • Leadership: poor or toxic leadership • Mentorship: a lack of female role models The National Institutes of Health entity lists myriad • Sexism: perceived gender bias and discrimination mentorship benefits. Establishing mentor-mentee • Promotions: subjective evaluations and relationships scales retention rates, promotes positive work environments and embeds recruiting, whether instituted promotion decisions by the military or another industry. • Sexual harassment and assault The development of a forward-thinking workplace attracts This extensive list from women in uniform speaks for and retains higher-quality employees. Highly skilled and itself. While each problem is critical to the retention and competent women leave the military because of negative morale of military women, one positive factor is gaining experiences and lack of mentorship within the ranks. A traction: the development of mentorship organizations ― mentoring culture in the military could help turn the tide. sisterhoods ― within the military. Mentoring benefits include improved work performance, Fayetteville leader ShaDonna \"Mo\" McPhaul, a retired U.S. retention of a well-rounded and skilled workforce, Air Force member of 20 years and founder of Mo’s Heroes, a knowledge sharing, enhanced professional development. veterans’ support organization, supports veteran sisterhood a positive and welcoming culture, the breakdown of \"silo\" groups and names their primary purpose as giving “women mentality and broadened employees' perspective. veterans the access and resources they need to succeed in their personal and professional lives.\" Audrey Hasslocher is a Coast Guard veteran, U.S. Army wife, mom of three and MBA grad student. She recently launched a boutique marketing, advertising and public relations agency specializing in startups and military- spouse owned businesses. Free Bird Communications, www.freebirdcommunications.com, helps business get the shine they deserve. 22 | O C TO B E R 2 0 2 1

Let me add that, as a Coast Guard veteran, I find the from PTSD and MST. Women veterans know that they backing of fellow troops on my left and my right priceless. have support from their veteran sisters in finding help These comrades are and were the ones to understand the through resources or just needing someone to talk to about situation and help regardless of what lay ahead. Mentorship a particular situation. Transition is particularly harder for that helps build this kind of comraderie is an essential women veterans. So, they must stay connected with their element lacking within the military dynamic. That factor, women veteran sisters.\" along with a lack of female support systems, reveals a toxic work culture. As a prior active-duty military member who served eight years in the U.S. Coast Guard, I experienced each issue Thankfully, a number of local and national organizations mentioned. I battled gender discrimination, sexual assault agree and work to bridge this gap. and a lack of mentorship, among other problems. SSiisstteersrhinoAordmOs rganizations Additional Resources Sisters in Arms is a U.S. Army initiative specifically designed • SWAN Service Women's Action Network to support women and helps women in the Army with www.servicewomensactionnetwork.org mentorship, career progression and camaraderie. SWAN is a member-driven network dedicated Lt. Colonel Sara Torres is an active-duty U.S. Army officer to supporting, connecting and advocating for of 21 years and founder of the Sisters in Arms program at servicewomen's individual and collective needs, past, the 549th Hospital Center in Camp Humphreys, Korea. present and future. Of the group, she said, “The purpose of the program is to • America Serves www.americaserves.org coach and develop one another, increased communication, America Serves is credited as the first coordinated breakdown of barriers and overall support of one another.\" public-private-and-nonprofit organization working The program is unique to each unit and its needs. See together to serve veterans, transitioning service https://www.army.mil/article/215841/?dmd to learn more. members and their families. • Onward to Opportunity (O2O) Military Sisterhood Initiative www.ivmf.syracuse.edu/programs/career-training/ O2O is a free career training program providing www.challengeamerica.com/msi professional certification and employee support The Military Sisterhood Initiative is a national peer support services to transitioning service members, veterans network designed exclusively for women of the military. The and military spouses. initiative provides a safe space where more than 2 million • Sisters In-service + Podcast military sisters can connect and support one another. www.podpage.com/sisters-in-service. This podcast targets female veterans but includes all veterans, Dallas Blaney, Military Sisterhood Initiative's executive including supportive organizations for them. Find them director and Navy veteran, shared, \"We built this Military on Facebook @ sistersinservicecharlotte Sisterhood Initiative after extensive research to address an • Here's more: Women Veterans Alliance, unmet need among military women, many of whom felt www.womenveteransalliance.org/about-us/; misunderstood and isolated. Unlike their male counterparts, SheVetsIt, www.shevetsit.com; Beauties in Boots Fort few organizations at the time addressed their particular Bragg, a private Facebook group and Redefining Your needs and interests. Our goal is to build MSI into a national Future Foundation, www.redefinedfutureyou.org. hub where women veterans can find a safe space to connect with other women and discover resources they Women in the Military find helpful in navigating their daily lives.\" • 216,000 Active Duty WoVeN's - Women Veterans Network • 16.3 % of AD military • 159,157 Reserve www.wovenwomenvets.org • 19.8% of Reserve The purpose of WoVeN is to provide a unique social • 61% of enlisted women are network of women veterans to foster connections and build relationships in their local communities or across minority women the nation. • 38% of officers are minority women • 5-20% are senior rank enlisted A WoVeN peer leader, Cat Corchado, U.S. Air Force, Retired, shared, “Our primary purpose is to keep women connected (depending on branch to other women veterans. We, as a group, are more likely *Source Service Women's Action Network to feel isolated, disconnected, homeless and suffering (SWAN), August 2018 2 0 2 1 O C TO B E R | 23

Divorce Changes Lives Three Steps to Help One Counter and Cope By Dr. Rebecca Crain, Ph.D. D ivorce is one of the most A three-step process for dealing Step two, Untangle, is the process significant stressors a with divorce is one I call Identify, of defining your values using these person can face. My goal Untangle and Release, identified emotions to guide small, simple in the flowcharts below. Step one, actions. Release is the letting go in this brief article is to help you Identify, refers to naming the of the loss through acts of giving emotions that arise through divorce. and grieving. understand that you can heal, have hope and emerge from this shattered place. Acknowledging pain Mary.” ― inserting your own name stuck in difficult feelings is easy, but with compassion here. The final step combines the value exists in making room for painful pain acknowledgment and kindness feelings and memories. Allowing the Self-compassion describes the response through a phrase, such as presence of the negative emotions but act of recognizing that you're in \"This really hurts. Be kind.\" changing how you respond to them pain and then doing something ― remember kindness counts ― can kind, caring and supportive to help When emotional wounds are present lessen the impact. ease your suffering. Many find self- from a relationship, the healing compassion challenging. The first process can look a little like two steps Selecting values and step is to acknowledge the pain. This forward, one step back. It's important taking small steps act means being honest about just to take it one step at the time. how much this hurts without dwelling Values are your heart's deepest desires on it. One helpful way to prevent a Step One In the first step of for how you want to behave as a downward spiral here is to make a identifying the emotions, it is very human ― describing what kind of simple observation like \"I'm feeling important to engage in this process person you want to be and how you sad right now.\" Take a moment to with compassion. Acknowledging want to treat yourself, others and the notice any difficult feelings that are pain is challenging and takes courage. world around you, as well as how you present and label them. Take a slow, You can guide this process by asking want others to treat you. deep breath. For the second step, yourself, \"Where does it hurt?\" and respond with kindness with words like, \"What is the worst part?” Getting Values and goals are different. Values \"easy does it” or \"Be kind to yourself, define how you behave, regardless Rebecca Crain is a licensed psychologist in Fayetteville with 10 years of experience. Before forming a private practice, she worked in a variety of mental health settings including university, community, corrections, public school and integrated primary and behavioral health. Contact her at www.rebeccacrainphd.com. 24 | O C TO B E R 2 0 2 1

regular sleep the negative impact of bad memories. and exercise You imagine yourself traveling back and avoiding in time too soon after the bad event alcohol and happened, and then you giving other drugs. yourself the support you needed. of goal achievement. Suppose your Releasing When to get help goal is to be loving, kind and caring. loss We can't make someone love or The end of a marriage evokes powerful respect us, but if we act lovingly and Love carries feelings — a natural and normal respectfully toward ourselves and risk. Even if we reaction. A “right way” or “quick fix” to others ― personifying these values ― counter this cope does not exist, but ways to work reciprocation of love and respect risk with full through the pain help. Sometimes are likely. awareness, adjusting to a loss like a divorce leads realistic to depression and feelings that affect Life can be both kind and cruel. You expectations your daily life and stop you from doing can slowly rebuild a shattered life and and cautious proceedings, unexpected what you enjoy. If your depression has find the strength to persist. Crisis can events interrupt the best-laid plans. lasted longer than two weeks, taking promote us to look inside and discover This brings us to the last step. action is essential. If you're struggling what we are truly made of. To thrive to move on after a divorce or feel in the face of divorce, it is important Step Three You need to review what unsafe in any way, talk things through to remember that you have choices has been lost. You might have lost the with someone you trust. This may be about how you can move forward. You vision of what your life should look like, a friend or family member. If you'd are not powerless, even in the most your best friend and more. Moving prefer to talk to someone outside difficult of situations. on after divorce can range from your family and friends, your general straightforward and painful to very practitioner or a therapist can provide Step two At this stage, I challenge complicated, especially if betrayal or you with confidential support. those facing divorce or its aftermath to abuse were present in the relationship. define their values and take a simple Resources action. Defining one’s values is simply Most people think that moving on is outlining the qualities and behaviors simply a matter of time. People often Grounding exercises https://www. you try to live your life by. Values can ask, \"How much time is it going to healthline.com/health/grounding- liberate us from the obligations or take for this to pass?\" It is common techniques#soothing-techniques standards imposed on us by others for people to think that the bad Pleasurable and relaxing activities and society. Only after making room feeling will run its course passively. www.youthaodtoolbox.org.au/sites/ for the pain, treating yourself kindly Time does help, but it is not a magic default/files/documents_global/ and living by your values are you ready solution. Step three offers a proactive G5v%20Pleasurable%20Activites.pdf to jump into the action phase. way to organize the painful memories Visualization for inner child work associated with loss in a healthy way. www.alpha-divorce.com/divorce- For the best chance at success, survival/inner-child-visualization/ be willing to take action without Begin with the question, \"What was Values clarification becoming overwhelmed. Simple lost?” and use grounding exercises if www.positivepsychology.com/values- measures can include taking a break you become overwhelmed during this questionnaire/ from social media, making time for phase. If this step becomes too painful, The Feelings Wheel pleasurable and relaxing activities, considering pausing to enlist the help www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/ talking to friends and family, making of a therapist or a support group. emotion-wheel plans for the weekend and holidays, Group fitness Fit Body Bootcamps; establishing a stable routine to include Grieving involves choosing to focus Orange Theory Fitness on memories that you want to hold Legal aid divorce clinic workshop dear. Consider how you want to www.legalaidnc.org/get-help/self-help- remember your marriage. Were clinics/simple-divorce-clinic there particular occasions or events Military and dependents legal help that were special? Personal qualities Office of the Staff Judge Advocate you admired? If so, you may like to www.installations.militaryonesource. reflect on and savor these beautiful mil/military-installation/fort-bragg/ moments consciously. Giving exercises legal/legal-assistance ― practices in imagination ― offer a DivorceCare group www.divorcecare. way to support yourself and reduce org/countries/us/states/nc/cities/ fayetteville 2 0 2 1 O C TO B E R | 25

Going Green Is Not Always Easy By Mindy Love Global warming. Climate change. Greenhouse effect. Climate crisis. These standard terms are injected into politics, the media and schools, utilized by many regularly to describe the change in global temperature. What is global warming? energy production seems like a dream; however, the most severe downside comes from mining, enrichment and Global warming refers to the heating of the Earth's disposal of spent uranium. While relatively inexpensive to atmosphere due to gases such as carbon dioxide, methane, run, these plants are costly to build, requiring enormous other pollutants and greenhouse gases that absorb quantities of concrete. Nuclear energy produces thermal sunlight and solar radiation, much like a greenhouse pollution ― wastewater with severe effects on marine or hothouse for plants, albeit on a global scale. Warm life. A Chernobyl or Fukushima-type accident's potential greenhouses are suitable for overwintering plants and exists, even if today's plants are constructed to the best growing seedlings and tropical plants that would otherwise specs. Does this mean they should not be built? No, but not survive the local climate. When it comes to the Earth, the facts do illustrate how green does not mean it's always however, the effect is not so great. environmentally friendly. Discussion about climate change occurs regularly in the How are the answers misleading? world today. While not everyone agrees about the details, most acknowledge that human activity contributes to the Greenwashing by companies and governments, coupled Earth's warming. with intentional and unintentional environmental hypocrisy by individuals, fails to address the human and ecological What can we do about it? impacts of being green. The practice tarnishes the potential good and serves to hurt the cause. This concession leads to the next logical step: conservation. Conserving natural resources preserves resources for future Take transportation, for example. generations and protects human health. The exploitation Fifteen years ago, hybrid vehicles of natural resources threatens our ability to provide food, were few and far between, water and medicines to people worldwide. and electric cars were nearly nonexistent. Many considerations are essential when going green. Environmentalism was Reducing water use, reducing energy consumption, air starting to take hold quality, water quality, solid waste reduction and recycling in earnest, and more and sustainable transportation are only a few. Taking people were becoming shorter showers, planting trees, recycling ― the right aware of the impact of way ― eco-friendly clothing made from renewable their actions. resources, solar energy and hybrid and electric vehicles are some of the common ways people try to reduce their As hybrid vehicles became more common, it was an easy ecological footprint. switch to these low-or-no-carbon vehicles leaving people feeling good about reducing their carbon footprint. Why is the answer not always easy? Greenwashing began in earnest as companies vied for consumer dollars, followed by governments and politicians Unfortunately, sometimes negative aspects come with worldwide doing the same thing as green benefits were sustainability, as no magic bullet to fix the world's problems pushed without full disclosure. exists. For example, nuclear power plants' carbon-free 26 | O C TO B E R 2 0 2 1

Remember Dieselgate? Car manufacturer Volkswagen carbon emissions; it only pushes emissions elsewhere. received a Notice of Violation by the U.S. Environmental Recycling the spent batteries from EVs pose another severe Protection Agency for a violation of the Clean Air Act. Their environmental impact. crime? The car manufacturer cheated to meet vehicle emissions output standards for nitric oxide and nitrogen As countries worldwide answer the pressure to go green, dioxide while testing their turbocharged direct injection they increasingly ban the sale of fossil-fueled powered diesel engines. How? By activating the emission controls to vehicles. Bad legislation combined with governments' switch on only during testing. In reality, the engines emitted push to promote EVs, despite not being zero-emission up to 40 times the regulatory limit. In short, the company lied to the public and got caught. Nitric oxide and nitrogen vehicles, will have unintended dioxide are the chemicals in the atmosphere responsible for consequences to specific smog and acid rain. It's a big deal. populations and increase waste resulting from the old, Hybrid and electric vehicles emit little or no greenhouse regulated traditional cars no gases and nitrogen oxide into the atmosphere. Sounds longer allowed on the road. perfect, right? Well, not exactly. While governments Additionally, the increased use worldwide are encouraging EVs in particular and proposing of concrete to ensure roadways to eliminate gas- or diesel-powered cars and trucks, they fail can handle the self-driving to address the dark side of these modes of transportation. features in the new EV models will increase solid waste in a way that has not been adequately addressed as of yet. What are the unintended consequences? Fossil fuel banning affects lower-income and moderate- income individuals disproportionally, as these populations Typical hybrid and electric cars utilize complex batteries typically chose more economical vehicles powered by that are harmful to the environment during all production gasoline and diesel fuel. Hybrids vehicles are intervals, from pre- to post. To start, metals such as cobalt, moderately expensive, while EVs are costly to purchase copper and other rare earth metals used in these complex compared to their gas and diesel fuel counterparts. batteries are mined, leaving enormous environmental and High-income households, therefore, are positioned to human rights impacts. Energy requirements to make these afford these vehicles, subsidized by taxpayers through batteries are higher because of their complexity, much government incentives. more than a typical car or truck battery. Aluminum is mined for various car parts. Petroleum is used in making This ugly side of sustainability is something people don't plastic parts. want to talk about ― understandably so. No one wants to feel like his or her good intentions are anything but One of the most concerning impacts is the impact on good intentions. However, unintended consequences human rights. According to Amnesty International, many happen, and the only way to press forward is to address metals mined to produce hybrid and EVs use child labor them head-on. in the metal extraction. Inherent risks to children and adults working in mines include threats ranging from As a collective, \"we\" need to be careful of groupthink and health impacts like cobalt lung and dangerous working confirmation bias, a natural human tendency. As humans, conditions to environmental hazards from the process itself. we must be willing to have honest conversations about Countries like the Democratic Republic of Congo and China don't have the EPA or Occupational Safety the impacts and the benefits. Car manufacturers, and Health Administration to protect workers' rights governments, and advocates must be transparent and the environment. about all the results instead of glossing over the ugly in favor of the good. Electric car battery and car parts manufacturing requires twice the The silver lining in all this is that car energy than traditional cars, trucks manufacturers desire better ways to and SUVs. Then the carbon emissions reduce their impacts. Governments seek resulting from charging the vehicles more renewable energy sources to power come into play. Most countries their grids. New technology is always on depend on oil and coal for their energy the horizon. Humans are a resilient species; production. Plugging a green car into a we love nothing more than a challenge to power grid fueled by fossil fuels results in spur innovation. 2 0 2 1 O C TO B E R | 27

It’s a Woman’s World Cedar Creek By Vicki Mullins L iving in the Cedar Creek area, I can say there's truly no other comparison in Cumberland County. Steeped in agricultural roots, this east of the Cape Fear River township is a close-knit community offering country living at its best. With a population of 12,754, Cedar Creek may not seem like a lot, but for those of us living here, that's plenty. Most residents were raised here and chose to stay. What's in Cedar Creek? For starters, there are three schools unfold. The history here is deep. Listening to folk tales and serving our area: J.W. Seabrook Elementary, Mac Williams all that has transpired through the years is very interesting. Middle School and Cape Fear High School. Still, to this day, Cedar Creek has only one caution light. Locals know the When I asked some of the older community members good ole fishing holes and like having Cedar Creek Fish about the churches here, I found them to be a world of Farm as a new neighbor ― such a lovely place to go. It is a information. One resident told us Tabor United Methodist family-owned-and-operated business that prides itself on was founded in 1831 and was formerly located down on the fresh, farm-raised catfish, tilapia and other seafood and Cape Fear River and called Terabinth Methodist Church. livestock offerings. This discovery piqued our interest. And being nosey ones, we knew more research was needed. Another fun nugget of We are rich in history and with churches ― Cedar history we found was about how in 1880, Murdock Maxwell Creek Baptist Church and Cedar Creek Church of God and his wife Roberta P. Maxwell sold 2 acres where the to name two. Numerous businesses also call Cedar church currently sits for $10. Yes, $10! Creek home though it is not a commercial-type place. The history of the Greater First Baptist began in the 20th The Cedar Creek Fire Department, best known as Station century in the year 1909. The Christian believers came from 8, was founded and built between 1992-1993. The first neighborhoods called the Old Field, The Hill and the Neck, woman at the station, I served seven years, earned the rank and Cedar Creek residents came together to organize of 1st Lieutenant and hazmat operations specialist and another African American Church because their journey loved every minute of it. Beth Beard led the station ladies' from Savannah Baptist was a toilsome one. I recently found auxiliary and recruited many women who led other young out about an African American school here on Turnbull ladies in the community. She is also known for is her civic Road called St. Mark School. Maybe, at a later date, we can work as the Election Day chief judge. get more details on this tidbit of history. As I researched Cedar Creek, along with the help of my daughter Stephanie, so many fascinating things began to Vicki Mullins is a lifelong resident of Cedar Creek and medically retired 4-H program assistant from the North Carolina Cooperative Extension Office. 28 | O C TO B E R 2 0 2 1

BOONE TRAIL Cedar Creek Baptist church was founded in 1844. Before FITOBERFEST! this date, the property it now sits was a public gathering place, serving many purposes before the Revolutionary 28 days for $28 New Members only. War. The Whigs met at the church to plan for their 100% Proceeds to the operations, and the Tories held meetings here in the interest of King George. KKAARREENN CCHHAANNDDLLEERR TTRRUUSSTT FFUUNNDD There is a spring located behind this church that once was for local cancer patients. the location of a school. It is told that when the kids got out for lunch ― either bag lunches or in a pail ― the spring HOME OF THE 30-MINUTE WORKOUT supplied their water. No Coca Cola or Pepsi here. They dipped the spring water out of gourds or a tin can. Folk CLASSES tales also say that the children got to the spring; they had to watch for fingernails and toenails in the water. Why? There Monday - Thursday: was a cemetery close by. Need I say more? An article about the church and spring put together for a homecoming 5:30am/6:15am/8am/8:45/10:30am noted that a fundraiser was held, I presume to help work on 4pm/4:45/5:30pm/6:15pm the old spring. Friday: The late Eliza H. Hopper, a fine woman in the community 5:30am/6:15am/8am/8:45/10:30am I had the honor of knowing, shared the following memory about the spring. I was permitted to share this with readers. Saturday: I was born in the community of Cedar Creek in the year Sa8asmsy/8S:4e0naiomrs: 1894, and since a very early age, I can remember the spring being one of my favorite spots. I remember how Tues/Thurs 10 am • Sat 9:30 am good and cold the water tasted after my five-mile walk to church with my brothers, sisters and friends. Most https://boonetrailfitbodybootcamp.com/Fitness Sundays, I would walk a two-mile round trip as we would go to Sunday school in the morning and after lunch would DINAH GOODMAN go back to practice singing in the afternoon. I can also remember lining up to drink from the tin cup or the gourd Master Coach Personal Trainer dipper at recess during school days. When the bell would ring, we would run to see who would win the race to get to 3039 Boone Trail Ext. the spring first. That was our only place to get water. 910-889-1155 Let's not forget about Dudley's Pond, which everyone in www.facebook.com/FitBodyBooneTrail/ Cedar Creek knows about. Before it became Dudley's Pond, 2 0 2 1 O C TO B E R | 29 it was called Wheelers Mill Pond preceding the Civil War and has long been a site of community baptisms. Oh, the stories that can be told about my home community of Cedar Creek.

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