Matelar Magazine - Jan 2020 Issue 1

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Contents 6 A Bold, Animated Success 8 20 8 12 Justice Mkumba 18 12 18 30 20 Spoken Ideas 3 26 Maclean and Maya 28 30 A Bold Story from NIgeria 32 Fashioned And Made for Excellence - FAME Rethinking Customer Service Rehema Pendor The Art of Boardroom Language for Entrepreneurs Kayakangu Julius MAlange Business at the Brink of a Values Crisis Tionge Matela Msiska FIve Subtle Sins of Influence Tionge Matela Msiska How To Date Smart As An Entreprenuer Mike Mkali The Four A’s of Every Relationship Natasha Lwesya

Welcome and...please, be free to be you Thanks for grabbing a copy of the Matelar Magazine. Matelar is derived from a phoka word. It means dance; a boldly unconventional dance of purpose and hope. We believe you are a change agent. Who knows? We all might well have been waiting for the manifestation of your dance moves to find the answers to African and global problems. Your authentic, vulnerable stories and skills are your dance moves matter. They have power to make a difference. The bold ideas you have that you haven’t told anyone yet could change the world. This magazine is your safe place Our goal here is to inspire and unleash the greatness you have to dance your unconventional have always carried within you; and to create a platform that moves without fear of being spreads bold ideas and inspiring stories. laughed at. It’s always the seemingly stupit innovative We are all on the dance floor. What is the exceptional move you ideas that create solutions that were born to dance for the good of your world? Your unique change the world. dance is your special gift in this world. Just be your best. We hope this magazine Dance prepared. Dance unprepared. Whether perfect or reminds and challenges you imperfect, just dance your way to significance, one move at a to think different, because time. The world will come to you. It’s the people who are bold enough to think different that Tionge Matela Msiska challenge status quo and make Founder and Lead Editor a difference in the world. Be Email: [email protected] that person who isn’t ashamed of their ideas and stories. PRODUCTION TEAM Production Director and Lead Editor: Tionge Matela Msiska | Creative Director: Natasha Lwesya Graphic Design and Layout: The Matelar Creative Hub | Sales and Marketing: Tamandani Mizula

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A BOLD, ANIMATED SUCCESS My name is Justice Mkumba, Studio M-Jay’s Animation Director. I graduated from Animation Online in 2016, and has been animating ever since. My specialty is modeling, rigging, texturing and 3d animation. Legend of Bengo was my first animation video, and I also worked on Faith Mussa’s Mdidi animated Music Video in 2017. I since freelanced in film and TV for different broadcasting houses in Malawi. I have also animated different Tv Commercials for different organisation. Setting up Studio M-Jay has given me the chance to consolidate my experience and create my own work. I have also thrived in building up animation teams, in developing people and processes to make ever greater quantities of animation, telling exciting stories. There’s a lot of people out there who can’t afford colleges. They lose hope and don’t know self-teaching is an option. It’s a hard option but IT IS POSSIBLE. I came across many students here in Malawi and abroad trying to teach themselves how to animate. Some had the self-taught route under control and knew what they were doing. I’m passing along what I found so that it may be a guide to those who want to become animators but are lost because they cannot afford higher education. I remember being fascinated by animation well into my teens, at an age when many had forsaken cartoons for action movies. By the time I reached college, though, my interest had evolved beyond simple enjoyment and into an interest in the process, the industry, and the art - likely the only thing that kept me from being ridiculed by my peers for my childish habits (watching Tom and Jerry, Toy Story, Pingu e.t.c). I spent hours trying to figure out how to make my own animations and researching the methods. First I started learning how to use the computer from 2007. I just had interest in computers and started learning music production later in 2008. Despite all this, I still thought I’d end up going into computer programming (little knowing that later I’d end up combining the two). At first I thought that my dream was impossible because I couldn’t afford buying a good computer with high end Computer Processing Unit (CPU) and Graphic Processing Unit (GPU). I later switched to video production 2009. I grew up in a small village in ntcheu, and I was a bit sheltered as far as things such as 3D animation were concerned, so I had no clue that I could combine my love of computers with my love of animation...until I first saw Rango (the movie) in 2011. I thought: “I want to make that.” I wanted to create something that could evoke the feelings well-animated Computer-Generated Imagery (CGI) often inspires; be it awe, a battle-ready adrenaline rush, laughter, sorrow. When those animated characters cross the line from mere pixels, they render into people, animals and places that tell a story. So I made it my mission to become a computer animator - even if I took a few missteps along the way. At first I ended searching on Google and signed up for an online course, downloaded some video tutorials, where I learned a lot about programming and very little about modeling, rigging and animation. I have skills as an animator and a writer, both of which allow me to tell stories that evoke emotion in the target audience. So those are some things to do. I know, the reality right now is that you’d love to go to a school and have a mentor, work with peers, and get all the benefits that a study course would offer... but sometimes you may not have those opportunities. No matter your situation, you can self-teach yourself and master a skill to be successful. I hope this post is a little beacon that gives you a little more guidance than you’d have if you are thinking about taking this possible journey on your own. 7

SPOKEN WORD Maclean Mbepula’s Bio Maclean Mbepula is a young Malawi- an performer, entertainer, author, poet, entrepreneur and - come- dian based in Lilongwe whose eccentric personality births forth poetry that is often witty, playful, humorous, fresh and quirky. Some of the events she has had the honour of performing at are: the Hu- man Rights Day event hosted by Malawi Human Rights Commission (2014), graced by the President of Malawi, Women of Dis- tinction - 2012, City of Stars 2013, DiverCity I, DiverCity II and the inaugural Tumaini Festival. Her standup comedy engagements include having been an opening act for Anne Kan- siime at her first Malawi show by Qoncept Creative (2014) and opening act for “Riaad Mussa’s first ever Comedy Shows in Ma- lawi (2019) . Apart from performing, she has also pro- vided artistic guidance as one of the judg- es on the panel of the World Bank’s 2015 Art Competition and that of one of three judges in at least two of Bible Society of Malawi’s TV Talent Competition – Bible Youth Buzz. Her audiences have been an eclectic bunch from all across the board. She would like to believe that the major- ity of her poetry is influenced by her belief in a higher power vis-a-vie in her Christian faith in a very chaotic world. She says she is still exploring the power of spoken word poetry and she would like you to join her in her journey by experiencing what she has discovered so far. Though a passionate fulltime tech-entre- preneur, she is in love with the arts. In 2019 she published three books “Loud Si- lenced Words”, “Challenge Accepted” and Beady Eyed & Mystified”. In addition, she also released her first poetry album called “Loud Silenced Words - Volume 1”. Her next projects are currently cooking. 8

Loud Silenced Words by Maclean Mbepula MTahceylesaaidnyoMu wbilel npeuvelrab’esaBnyitohing Something that you can not even point to in MThey sYaaaoincdulde’ylalo-nnuceoMwvmbeileerlpdNauiamelnavoebiusranassteuytdcoocuienmnegLudicMloihnanlggawwreeiaawnt hpoesrefoercmcTeehrn,atetrinyctoepurettrwahsiooennuesarla,dlinatbudyetsbhciooorfrtm,htpsiemofaeoetrj.,.ot.hekneptorifeepytrroyeuntehuart thisinogftsetnhwatitytyo,uprlahyafnudl,shtuomuocrhous, fresh and quirky. Some ocf othnetinevueen..t.s she has had the Thhoenyousraiodf bpeercfaourmseinygoaut aarree:athweoHmuamna,nwRhiaght ts Day event hosTtheadtb’sywMhaalat wthi eHyumsaaind.Rights Com- mission (y2o0u14d),ogrwacileldmbeyatnhenPortehsinidgent of Malawi, Women of Distinction - 2012, City of Stars 2013, DiTvehreCyitsyaIi,dDivfeyroCuityarIIeatnodgtohefainr,atuhgeunrailtT’sumainBi Fuetswtihvaeln. they saw that you heard them many because a man said, “I’m opening the door times over Her standup cofomreydoyue.nPgaasgse.m“ents include having beeAnnadn doipdenn’tinlgisatcetnfotor Athnenme Kaannysmiimoerea,t her first MalawTi hshaot’ws bwyhQaot nthceepytsCarieda.tive (2014) and oWpheennintghaecyt fsoarw“RtihaaatdtMhuesirsaw’sofridrsstseovuernCdoemdeldikye Shows in Malawi (2019) . nothing to you, TSAohopfTecathhiyreetetsyfyWarosoiodamfriMlbddvpaeoeyBlciraocaafwueonuirrks’dms’vesoToin2eyVi0gcosT1e,nua5s’lithaeAsemrnreetthamCCaatoosotwemmtariolpopsmeneottaaipitltnriiaooo, nnynviodda–uneBrddibatlhretaiYBtsoetouiccftbahoguenuBsceiudeaozautznfsh.cteaheHtyraeeopseruaoarjucuntoddeongniofeetufnyismntcoihuenubeseradhjhutadetlveogaeaedosbsvtehoeteanwrndcotoahbnomeefecpeBcoa,ilmnbeeclee-l tic bunch frotmhearlelfaocrreosirsrathteiobnoaalrd. You continued to stand and walk in front They said your will is whimsical and can in that land that even the men were scared to, She would likentootbbeelietrvuesttheadt the majority of her poetry is inflTuheenncetdheby rheearlbizeelief in a higher pTohweeyr svaisid-a-yvoiue icnanhe’trfCighhritsbtieancafuasiteh yinoua’rveery chaotiTchwaot rwldh.atShtheesyayhsasdhseaiisdswtiallsenxpoltotrrinugethe pownoert oafsspphoykseincawlloyrdstpronetgryasanadnyshmeawno.uld like yoSuo ttohejoyinsthaerrteindhteorsjoauyrtnheaytbyyouexwperrieenacning what she hTahsadti’sscowvhearet dthseoyfasra.id. outstanding person, And an exception to the rule, that other MlanTihdseaTBhodxyhuetuibettdgpieyowhrt,noihhdta,jr’eteisseodpcnhebntaegsybes’otoasoacsilruaoaoseaukgonoyscsaavrueait“eenerLnltrrsoeyhecftauuntaesdthltmylheltiSyndiedemigcilihredtoeihenwonmrtcek’eoetmficfirnderihdergsxWs-..tdpetoipneatrotcitdmreetsetl”eypry,yo.r.“euCanhlebauullrmTe,hnsceghwaeyeollAsemisacdcieiden“nLpltolitchokeuoveeTddueh”lylSiadwaokitnleuie’ntsdlhnoiwhwcBttaeoehhbsdoaeaeddstWalyotitromhrEhtrsyedba.ebystedeIcas-nco&anVami2yodMu0olesu1yn9emsleitskeicfheio1ee”yud.pol”d.HuubeIbn-re But again they started to speak, they said women where not biologically, religiously, what they had said before socially or financially inclined to excel. They ignored the success and considered That is what they said. it a flook. Out of the ordinary, an anomaly, They said, never again. She is an anomaly. something that shouldn’t happen but did. That’s what they said They said you are foolish to believe that But soon, they began to see, more women, you can be more than what they see. Like me becoming like you That’s what they said... More women breaking their mold, But when you overcame again, Going against their spoken, written and They were repulsed at your unrealistic documented word take on life Then soon the anomaly that they believed was Disgusted by your audacity the case That you would disregard the order of Could not be considered something strange society and dare to go in front. Because women all over the world finally Dare stand in the ranks of man. couldn’t hear what they said. And so they said what you are used to Now I wonder what they say, hearing, that your success will come to a Because that part of my brain has become screeching halt. dead, They said that your success will amount to That part that could comprehend everything only something mediocre. that they said. 9

SPOKEN WORD Mayamiko Kachala’s Bio Mayamiko Kachala is a Malawian, Lilongwe based Spoken Word Artist (goes by Maya the Poet). She is currently a student at African Bible College. New to the scene, Maya brings to the stage an authentic and cultural blend. Maya started writing at the age of 15, by then she used writing as an escape and place of hiding, with the years, she discovered she had a gift of public speaking and could use writing as a tool to best express what she felt and most importantly, impart change. She is inspired by Artists such as Jackie Hill Perry, Janette and Malawian Artists like Q Malewezi, Marumbo Sichinga and Lilly Banda. Maya’s poetry centers around the love of culture and the neglected truths that she feels need to be voiced out more. In her pieces like AFRICA and HOME, Maya tackles issues that are surrounding our day and age as a continent and are hardly voiced out. Maya believes words are a weapon that go beyond years, written or voiced out. She is currently working on an EP titled “Children of the Motherland” and hopes to release it early April of 2020. 10

Africa by Mayamiko Kachala Maclean Mbepula’s Bio MI reparcelesaenntMPbeeapcuela, IisreapyreosuenngtMWaalarw. ian performeIr,heanvterttialtineedr,mayutbheolri,epfsoepto, leitnitcraelplyreneur I am acnlodth- ecdominedbieaanubtaysaenddintrLeialosnugrwe,e whosFeroemcce“Pntorwicepretrosothnaeliptyeobpirlteh”stfoor“tMhoproeePtroywtehrato dirseosfstedn winitmtyy, plolavyefufol,rhmumoroero. us, fresh and quirky. SomethoofsteheinePveonwtesrs”he has had the honour oMf poererfoMromninegy,amt aorree: PthoewHeurman Rights DaIysetrvuegngt lheowstiethd bthyeMcahlaawinisHoufmgarneeRdig,hotns cCeomin- misSsaiotinsf(a20c1t4io),ngriascaedtebrymthIedPorensoidt eknntoowf,Malawip, oWwoemr emnyogf oDaisltiisncntoionlo-n2g0e1r2t, oCihtyeolpf Smtayrspe20o1p3l,e DivneortCibtyecI,aDuisveerICditoy InI oatndwtahnet itnoa,ubguutraml Tyumaini Fceosmtievaol.ut of the long streak of poverty that aHfSinhrecsIortewwsMstsetaaolinlcnradoswMumnipaseelbhacvvouwoeimtwisr it(ettb2oado0yuyrw1Qs9gea)ohwnnn.tgitctamemhgpeeoatmtrCwoeer.eanbartemtsivsinesacmt(li2usi0ldfe1iee4)dha,anvdinhogIapcsbeaenhneiennnlgdoaMatnucsystotgfprcoeoearsanop“sliftRniiewigvsanehaatooodcbutyMrhgfeoehuomrlsupmsAarsaniyon’wsnwceifhrninraoKsvpm.ationneiswsvgiceiemfororn.CerocaMemtpoehtrdeieoyr.n Acpaallretdfriollmuspioernf,otrrmeiantge,dshweithhasmaylsboeparuotviifdueld artistic guidance as one of the judges on the panel of tghreeeWno,rmldyBwanakrm’s 2e0m15bArartceCoomf pceutlittuiorne.and that of one of three judges in at least two of Bible STohceieytydoafnMcealwawitih’soTuVt TrahlyetnhtmCotmopmetyitdiornum– BibleIYaomuthwBiluliznzg. tHoekriallumdiyenocwesnhbaevceabueseentahneiercslekci-n btiecabtu,nachbefraotmthaallt amcryofsastthheerbsoaaidrdi.s sure to is lighter than the usual brown and I believe I make them give more. can get more. ShMe owroeusldhalimkeetdorebseslieedveinthaatcltohtehmcaajloleridty of heIr apmoeitnrfyeicsteindfluweinthceadvbiryuhsecrablleelidefCionrrauhpitgihoenr, power vis-a-fvuinedininhge, rdoChnraistitoianns.faith in a very chthaiostidcisweoarlsde. tShheey ssaayysisshteheis nsetielldetxoplgoeritnmg tohree, power of spoken word poetry and she would likiet yisouatttorajocitnivhee, rbienchaeursejoiutrngievyebsyyeoxupmeroiernec,ibngut Twhheasteshtwe ohawsodridsscohvaevreedmsaodfear.me lose sight I also know it will be the death of me. TlihshoeuAdgoshtifhgawrhephteaatbhstsoawiotoaknhssaet“oleLdnofcmuuedlalctnSiamillaeleennddtceehwcdhooW-mmeoneart.dnrse,”p,r“eCnheaullre, Insagheme Aimscpciaenrroprltmoieevdides”etwa,oniitsdphrtBohtehceaerdmaaysrotEtrisyne.eadItInpi&or2noM0,m1yt9shistesiefhi.meedop”r.uebInI- ahdudsitbioann,dshaendalwsoifere, lbeuastefdorhaerfefiwrstmpiolleiotrnysalbum called “Loud Silenced Words - Volume 1”. Her neIxtamprowjeilcltinsgarteocluertrwenotmlyacnoowkeinagr. man’s My people bleed and scream for change, but clothes and man carry handbags, this their screams in the face of Power are like called the norm. fading echoes of nothing. I claim that slavery is no longer the song I All this I have left for you to think about, sing because we all want more. But I am held in chains by my need for But the question is, “Do the benefits of more more. outweigh the need for change?” 11

BOLDa Story from Nigeria FAME Fashioned And Made for Excellence was founded by Raphael Stephen Fact 1 Fact 2 Fact 3 Fact 4 FAME started with 10 FAME is now a movement FAME reaches over 10,000 FAME reaches over 40 volunteers in 2017. of over 200 volunteers. underserved young leaders . communities in Ibadan. Well, first meet Raphael Stephen Raphael Stephen is the founder and Director of the that is collaborative and known as a force for good. Fashioned and Made for Excellence Foundation, Today, the Fashioned and Made for Excellence Foundation an NGO currently based in Nigeria, that focuses is fast becoming one of the most impactful foundations on improving leadership education in secondary schools in Africa. Its vision is a continent where every African and imprinting an authentic picture of what leadership youth is consumed with a passion to initiate positive is in the minds of youths in Africa. His social impact change, and equipped with the capacity to deliver this initiative also focuses achieving the SDGs 2,4,5,6 and 17 change. Under Raphael’s leadership, the Foundation has via the use of education, empowerment, and collaboration. focused its work in Ibadan, Nigeria and invested millions to help improve leadership education and provide An exceptional leader and an advocate for great leadership, access to skills for youths in various local communities Raphael has worked tirelessly to build a foundation in Nigeria. Its programs have impacted the lives of 12

more than 10,000 young people. A strong believer in Youth Organizations, Universities, and local stakeholders listening, Raphael can often be found in the field, in the education space to speak, train, mentor and working directly with the people whom the Foundation’s contribute to educational development strategies. programs serve. Raphael has a massive passion and purpose to become a major contributor to the national Raphael has over 5 years of experience as a Nation reorientation of youths in Nigeria and youth development Builder and he holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Political globally. He believes once we get our values right as Science from the University of Ibadan, Nigeria. African people, we will become more productive people. His passion and dedication to the development of youth Raphael’s dedication to the work of the Foundation has has won him several awards and recoginitions including its roots in his National Youth Service Corps experience. being nominated as part of 15 outstanding young social Serving in Kano, Nigeria, Raphael discovered a leadership innovators in Nigeria and awarded as the overall winner identity and values crisis through conversations with of the Talent of the Future Award by Ideation Hub Africa the students in the Secondary School he was assigned in 2018. In April 2019, Raphael was selected as part of to teach, this experience he said marked a turning 17 exceptional young change-makers in West Africa by point in his life and enabled him to realize how big this Ashoka under its ChangemakerXchange program. He leadership mindset problem was in Secondary Schools, was one of the 10 Honorees for the 2019 Young Leaders it helped develop his capacity to listen and the empathy Award, out of a pool of a 1000 nominees all across with which he approaches the Foundation’s work. Nigeria and in September 2019, and was awarded winner of the Education and Learning Category by the Mandela Raphael is regularly called upon by Secondary Schools, Washington Fellowship Alumni of President Obama’s Young African Leaders Initiative (YALI) in Nigeria. ...and what is FAME all about, really? next page 13

What is Fashioned and Made for Excellence Foundation about?  FASHIONED The FAME story is a bold vision for Africa AND MADE FOR EXCELLENCE Foundation is a volunteer-driven social impact initiative. We are a movement of young, passionate and service-driven individuals who have accepted responsibility for community development, social change, and national transformation. This bold idea started back when I was on campus, then it was just a blog I used in encouraging students on campus. Its purpose became bigger after my service year in Kano State. What vision birthed the organization? Motivated by the transformation I saw in the lives of my students during my service year in Kano Sate, Nigeria, and the sadness I felt over this leadership gap which I came to realize was not only present in the school I was posted to, but also in the Secondary education system which is a time when youths can acquire the skills and knowledge they need to be productive and effective in obtaining secure work and income opportunities, motivated me to rally about 10 of my friends and start this initiative with my savings of about $55 dollars, after the completion of my service year. I can still remember vividly, my first Civic Education Class with the SS1 – SS3 students at my place of primary assignment, Model College Kano State, Nigeria when my becoming more concerned with fulfillment and purpose than earning a fat paycheck after my service year began with a question I asked my students “Who is a leader?”, it was quite saddening seeing them reply calling the names of the teachers at the school, the Principal, and no single student in the class mentioning their own names, cause none of them saw themselves as leaders. Immediately I recognized a leadership identity and values crisis and I took it upon myself to educate and equip them with leadership skills, help them aspire to not just finish Secondary school and get married, which is a norm in the northern part of Nigeria, but also created a personal development plan for each of them for the whole school year, and dared them to aspire to become more after graduation.  Today, whenever I receive thank you messages from students like Kabir who was totally clueless about what was next for him when I first met him and now furthers his education in Egypt, and Aisha who was quite scared she will be forced into marriage immediately after Secondary School, currently studying Medicine in one of the Universities in Kano State Nigeria. I feel quite fulfilled and glad I was able to look beyond my depression over my posting to a place I never wanted to be in, in the first place, and recognize my purpose for been posted to serve at that particular school which now altered the trajectory of my life positively forever and helped me discover my life assignment. Stories of many other mentees like Kabir and Aisha who kept sharing their testimonies and feedback are what inspired the next phase of my Fashioned and Made for Excellence journey and the birth of this organization. 14

“I am so convinced that we will shape future Africa.” - Raphael Stephen How far has Fashioned and Made for Excellence are many times I’ve felt discouraged, and this is Foundation empowered youths in Africa? From where determination, God, a great support system starting with just 10 Volunteers in May 2017 and and the testimonials from our beneficiaries comes in. growing into a movement of over 200 Volunteers today who  provide volunteer support to us as What can you say, most especially to the youth, who Facilitators, Mentors, Advisors and Content have given up on Africa? I am absolutely convinced Contributors, our volunteers, partners and that the Africa of our dreams, where everything supporters have helped  Fashioned and Made works and everyone is working to make things work, for Excellence Foundation  to reach over 10,000 is possible. I have seen it and I know it’s not only a underserved young leaders across over 70 schools possibility; it is a reality. But like every architect sees in over 40 local communities in Ibadan, Nigeria in a house before the rest of the world sees it, I have just 31 months of our operation with leadership seen the future of Africa. What I am trying to do is the and life skills via our programs. job of a builder and mobilizer, and I am also daring other youths in Africa, to stop complaining, accept Have you ever felt weighed down and felt like responsibility for shaping the future of the African quitting since you started this bold idea? It’s Continent and start making a difference in their almost every day I must confess! To be honest own little corners. We can build Africa and we will with you, the weight of the responsibility can be build it. I am so convinced that we will shape future very overwhelming, because nation-building is Africa. Now, are there people who have not seen it? like building a house. You never really have all the Of course, yes. Do they also see other things that resources to build a house when you start. There discourage and distract them? Absolutely yes! I don’t are many times you have a vision of the house you blame any young person who has given up on Africa. want to build and then you have to find where to But I am a firm optimist that the best is always before start from. You start asking questions, how do I us, not behind us. I believe African youths can start, start? Who do I need? Some people will come and sustain and do amazing things with proper guidance, some people will go. When they go, you’re hurt, but an enabling environment, and the right support. you realize that maybe their role in the mission Together, we can consciously shape the future of was over. You don’t always know when or where Africa, if we are willing to identify our part, play our you’re going to get the next funds to execute, part and do the work, irrespective of accolades or but somehow, I found out that nation-building not. always funds itself. Sometimes you can’t always tell when the next income would come from, but Where do you see and Made for Excellence it always comes, especially when you know you Foundation? I see Fashioned and Made for Excellence wouldn’t compromise your values to get anything scaling its impact on every nation in Africa and from anyone. There are times I ask myself, are we continuously known as an organization that is really making an impact? Can we really transform collaborative and a force for good in the development the lives of the next generation of leaders? To be of the African Continent. M honest with you, I believe we can. So, yes, there 15

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COVER Kayakangu is budding entrepreneur. Currently he is the Managing Director of Finance and Investments Consulting Limited (an Exclusive Training Partner of Johannesburg School of Finance, Investment Training Courses for Analysts, Asset Managers and Investment Professionals, including CFA® Preparation Workshops, Trustee training for Trustees of Pension and Provident Funds, SMEs in Governance, and Financial Literacy for Entrepreneurs), and FinVen Equity(Company that Investments in small & medium businesses). He believes that entrepreneurs (shareholders) should acquire and deepen knowledge in Corporate Governance, and Management for the businesses to grow. His website is www.kayma.me 20

COVER the art of boardroom language for entreprenuers by Kayakangu Julius Malange “The need to comprehend and understand is inborn in our nature – ignorance and incomprehension is painful to us; we need knowledge of the mind as much as we need food for the body.” - Nicholas Rescher Introduction agree that they will share the profits we moved to Sunny Side, I met the in this manner 2:3:5. The business late Mr. Patrick Mbewe who owned “Ma Share, partnerships makes 1000 Kwacha in profits. How Trust Auctioneers and Estate Agents, don’t work” are much does each take home?” Lolofoam Mattress, Tawa Industries some of common During Dr. Kamuzu Banda’s and Commercial Farms. phrases among entrepreneurs in regime, the economy was going by Malawi. My personal journey to protectionist philosophy in Malawi. Pangs of Becoming an entrepreneurship has revealed There were a few entrepreneurs Entrepreneur several issues that have led me on a but plenty of corporations and But how do I become Mr. life long conversation path. In this quasi private sector government Khoromana, Savjani, Makhumula, piece, I argue that we can improve parastatals. Thank God I met some Sabadia, Okhai, Mbewe, Kansawa, the quality of our entrepreneurs of these entrepreneurs earlier with my new created company? through relevant entrepreneurial because of the caliber of my father’s How do I attract huge capital to education and skills. SME’s must career. He was the General Manager have a humongous business that is be equipped with shareholder and for Railways Limited and Malawi sustainable? corporate governance education and Export Promotion Council from I discovered that through life skills. They have the keys to unlock 1983 to 1996; then Managing experience and research, it needs our full potential as nations. Director of J & M Trust Limited a different set of education and (our Ethanol family business) till practice, like: Why am I starting this Growing Up and Dreaming of it closed (failed) before his death. company? How long am I going to be Being an Entrepreneur and One entrepreneur we used to be a shareholder? How will I be able to Starting a Business neighbors with in Mpingwe Hills is run this company? Mr. Savjani, the lawyer. He owned a Further on, how did these people I was in Standard 7 in 1990 and with law firm. We lived few meters away decide to start their businesses as my desk mates, Robert Morel and from Mr. Okhai too. individuals? How did they decide Dipo Chaponda. Our class teacher, I never met Mr. Kansawa who had the vehicle as Sole Proprietorship, Mrs Mussa, was busy on the board several successful businesses, but Partnership or Incorporated Limited inscribing mathematics formulas, met the children at Limbe Country Company? What was the thinking taking us through examples in the club in 1984/5. (You didn’t need to be behind this? How much capital did standard text. But we were busy told who is rich. Wealth has its own they contribute as shareholders? creating companies. We called one language). Mr. Makhumula owned How much and why did they decide of our company ideas DiMaCha Ltd. huge transportation business, and the weight of shares? Our teacher noticed and we ended up my brothers were friends with his As I continued to learn in life, being in trouble. It wasn’t time for sons. I met Mr. Sabadia who was the primary, secondary and university company creation but solving maths. BMW City Motors owner and BMW education, some of these questions main distributor. During fanfare and were answered, particularly the A year later we started doing ratios fan ride, we would go to Luchenza at question of Sole Proprietorships in standard 8. I still remember the Late Mr. Nalilo Khoromana’s place lessons because the problems started (Owner of Nali Ltd). In 1990, when like this: “A, B, and C want to start a company with 10 shares, and they 21

“I am not an and Partnerships. However, I have or MBA programs, BACC, Bcom, advocate always been challenged by my Banking and Finance, or you are a of grants in parents to think and grow beyond brilliant employee plugged in an elite above formation. This called for network because of your employer entrepreneurial incorporating a Limited Company (but this takes years). In short, space because by shares. So how do I know with you are either born intelligent and my fellow shareholders, how scholarships follow you, or you are many have many shares to start with? When born in milk and honey and get all conditions the company needs more capital the exposure. The education system that don’t for growth or expansion or new we have inherited from colonial make sense to projects, how many shares will be masters hid these light waves to entrepreneurs issued? What happens to existing enter brains of masses. In Malawi, and business shareholders stake in company? few people care about owning direction. I had never heard of dilution, but corporations in major industries. We encountered it when we were are simply unaware or if woke, lack I believe starting a new finance company. relevant leadership, knowledge or they remove As shareholders, we were planning skills. entrepreneurs’ ahead as what would happen when natural instinct we invited investors after we had The “Why” is Important developed a viable business. With my You will notice that no matter how for cash partners from Kenya and Malawi, exposed you are, these questions management, we were not sure how this worked are best handled on a personal driving sales and out. What is meant by authorized (individual principles informed by managing costs capital? Authorized and subscribed, your belief system), social (how you in a business, authorized unsubscribed? How and relate with and treat others) and that results in when and where do you use them? normative (what are you meant to do good Gross and How can we use deferred shares? in business in first place) philosophy Operating Profit How about preference, cumulative, level. redeemable, participating preference Who are you? What is your purpose Margins.” shares? How can you use the AGM in life and, therefore, why are you Kayakangu to hold directors accountable? What starting the business and what will Julius Malange instruments are at my disposal? be your impact to society, employees We gave each other time out to and family? 22 consult our individual lawyers. How It’s about your identity. Are you do I guard myself against dilution aware of who you are and what your versus voting rights on board legacy is all about? You will agree representation and therefore having with me, in Africa, the majority of a voice on company direction? us are not up to it. Entrepreneurs Should I just remain a shareholder are leaders and leaders need to know or accept being a director and accept who they are, why and what they appointment as CEO? What does need to achieve in life. the law say on this and what is good corporate governance practice in the Don’t Neglect the Hard Skills, industry we are in? They are Crucial These are some questions Moving on, deriving profits from shareholders ask when getting on the business was another gap that with big money, because in order consumed me, and has taken years to raise capital, you need to be for me to learn. Finally, I figured knowledgeable, have direction and out the book keeping, sales, and be shrewd. In Africa, you will learn hands-on business management, and about these if you are born in an education. It is an ongoing process, elite business family, attend elite as we learn every day. university courses like Commercial Law, CFA, ACCA, CIMA, elite BBA

Observations on Enterprise different set of education that most understand this risk. Once they Growth Quagmire have never been exposed to. make enquiries, it means they have risk appetite for the projects. There are many entrepreneurs who Let Me End With a Mini Case Hence, if miners want to obtain have small and medium businesses, Study finance, it’s either they give out and are stuck. The challenges they equity or debt. Giving out shares in encounter, strike similarity with Knowledge of your sector is mines needs the entrepreneurs to other entrepreneurs in other sectors important. For example a gemstone know what stake and control they or industries. How do we raise artisanal miner in Malawi or need in the business. The investors capital for expansion or growth? So Africa has to know what is the ‘hit bring in required finance to get they ask. score’ for most gemstone mines, capital equipment for professional say, tourmaline. Out of the 20 mining exploration, and extracting There are two main sources of exploration pits, how many pits have (working capital). raising finance, either debt or equity. it in commercial concentration? How For miners to leverage on investors From my experience in Malawi, many go on into full production? value they need to be shrewd in key most small and medium companies How many become profitable negotiations points on shareholder aren’t in a position to issue debt over a number of years? Investors (like commercial paper or bonds) or financial players in mining nor list on local bourse (Malawi Stock Exchange or Alternative Capital Market) because most of them don’t adhere to strict financial management, corporate governance and are susceptible to weak management. Furthermore, financial management is also a hindrance to obtain loans from financial institutions as there are no proper financial statements that are audited, to give banks or other lenders full confidence to extend loans to them. Where does this leave us? In my view, most SME’s generate lots of cash on a day to day basis but lack governance and management. Well, it makes us a risky destination for lenders and investors. However, this is where private investment opportunities are numerous. There is an amazing opportunity for those with capital and business finance skills to get in business of investing in SME businesses. If you are a startup or SME and looking forward to growth, there is need to embrace shareholders education, and corporate governance. We need to learn how to read and interpret key indicators of successfully managed business and the process of deriving those results. Malawi’s and Africa’s growth is not a myth but a reality. The antidote is a 23

and management agreements business operations and debt entrepreneurs’ natural instinct for (SHMA), and have a complete exit instruments negotiations. If cash management, driving sales and plan clearly defined in the SHMA. If skillfully managed, others would managing costs in a business, that entrepreneurs are not comfortable prefer this than equity or joint results in good Gross and Operating with the option in equity in raising venture investment. However, how Profit Margins. capital, they have an alternative of many entrepreneurs possess these However, if entrepreneurs are accessing the same through a joint skills from traditional business discerning, skilled and shrewd, they venture approach to share profits management school? Lack of this can utilize this as cheap source of accordingly and that would still traditional business management funds to grow their business. This require knowledge on structuring and experience in industry is would require to be in line with their finance. Are entrepreneurs aware a hazard. Banks look at strong (entrepreneurs) board’s strategic of these options on how to structure Management Team before extending goals and risk management strategy. finance? And do they understand credit. The challenge I have Only a handful of entrepreneurs in these critical concepts? encountered is how most business Malawi (and Africa) see the need for Abhor Equity or Joint Venture? people lack business economics skills this. The debt route requires that for to drive their income statement, Final Thoughts all the work above, the miners manage cash in business to grow, If you are an SME or startup, know and their balance sheets. Investors that investors have built businesses invest in entrepreneurs’ ability to and know their position and what they want. Meanwhile, many Malawian or African entrepreneurs are ignorant of their identity, shareholders and boardroom language. We are quick to draw comfort from fear and if we enter into deals, we lose out and blame the other parties for not dealing with us fairly. should have a solid business generate results organically. Meanwhile, commercial contracts case, right business management are generally guided by what skills, negotiate debt covenants, others have deemed ‘caveat emptor’ and service it. The business in principle. The shareholder team needs to understand the negotiators are assumed to possess mining value chain, processes the capacity to examine what’s on and requirements for each stage the table for them. Others know (exploration, discovery, extraction, what they want and how the system sales, shipment, billing customers, works. Do you know what you want collecting funds from customers, and skilled up for it? and paying royalties to landowners) and obtain the right finance at each Grants: Malawi and fellow Africans, it’s stage rather than whole term loan. However, the third option that could time to wake up. This is a real This requires skilled insight on be put on the table would be grants. world and life is not fair. We need This demands for one to look at to know who we are, what we want 24 Grant Fund’s goals, objectives and from transactions and negotiate our conditions (if any). position. This would require seeking I am not an advocate of grants in relevant knowledge. After all, if entrepreneurial space because many SME’s and public are equipped with have conditions that don’t make how commerce works, this area of sense to entrepreneurs and business buying and selling equity in private direction. I believe they remove and public companies has potential to unlock wealth opportunities in Africa. M

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Business at the Brink of a VALUES CRISIS by Tionge Matela Msiska We can ignore the role of Civil Viruses kundikhuza” attitude of indifference. smart phones in relation- Malawi too has an operating system: (4) Poverty mindset – poverty is not ships but the effects are democracy. But there are civil viruses in the pockets; it’s a state of mental evident. You probably know an aver- that could attack it. Examples of civil bankruptcy. Our way of thinking is age man who will die protecting his viruses include corruption, injustice, our poverty. (5) Inferiority complexes smart phone password from a spouse nepotism and oppression of the poor. or “sitingathe ife zimenezi” or “aku- or girlfriend. As for me, I know a These are the viruses that blight funa akhale ndani iyeyo?” (6) “Koma friend who left a marriage because of democracy in the country. tiyeye” syndromes (from a Tumbuka phone related issues. Assuming none All things being equal, democracy expression, literally, “you kill, we of us is addicted to social apps, when must promote socio-economic trans- carry,” connoting a non-pioneering, did smart phones become tools of formation, peace and justice. But it pro-consumption, handouts-depen- evil in relationships? lays vulnerable to civil viruses if the dent, and “yes bwana” tendencies). That’s an interesting question, isn’t security by good values is not strong. Second, we must reflect, redefine and it? But it becomes more interesting By values, I mean one’s judgment of rebuild good values. We use the 5P when we ask in similar terms about what is important or unimportant, Value Creator as a guide: (1) Person: Malawi. Following the 21st May 2019 moral or immoral. For example, val- What is the basis of my identity? (2) tripartite elections, our nation has ues help the masses decide whether Perception: What is my lens to real- stood still at a political crossroads. to vote along tribal and regional lines ity? (3) Purpose: What is the motive This comes barely fifty five years af- or on the basis of merit. In fact, the behind the cause I represent? (4) ter we took a multi-party democracy leaders we vote for reflect the values Principles: How does my moral com- path on June 14, 1993. Has democ- we hold. Values affect political pass work? (5) Procuracy: How and racy become our problem? leaders as well. Their “democratic” to whom do I account for my actions? An Operating System conduct manifest their values. It’s Up to US I will use the analogy of a computer My point is this: the state of democ- The call is we should dare stand up in an attempt to answer that ques- racy in Malawi shows the values its for what is moral and ethical. tion. Let’s say you use Windows. No people upholds. The challenge before We don’t have a democracy crisis matter how shiny your computer is, us, the masses, and our political but a values crisis. The course that it could still malfunction if comput- leaders, is to adopt good values that democracy takes is a function of er-based viruses attacked it. A lady ensure a sane democracy? values. We can transform the face of I once worked for almost fainted Vices and Values our democracy if we change from the when a virus ate up her dissertation First, we must unearth root prob- inside, consciously living out good assignment in both the computer and lems: (1) Enslavement of minds; until values. Provided we fix our values, flash disk, prior to the submission we stand up on our own feet and nothing will threaten this nation day. It doesn’t matter whether you think on behalf of ourselves, we will again. As an African proverb says, are a computer genius or an amateur stay slaves and puppets. (2) Subsis- “If you don’t have an enemy within, like me, you too may have once been tence thinking or “bola ndadyanawo the enemy outside won’t harm you.” a victim of computer-based viruses. ineyo lero”. Subsistence thinking Therefore, let’s rise and build Malawi The reality of the computer world is creates persistent status quo. (3) on values that matter. M that viruses may attack your system Bewitchment of attitudes or “sizi- if not protected by strong antivirus software. 26

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5 Subtle Sins of Influence by Tionge Matela Msiska Leaders inspire greatness in the owing to marked superiority.” Lead- isations and governments. Most people around them and model ers with an attitude of pre-eminence leaders available lead by a sceptre of the stewardship of the avail- tend to desire or demand recognition superiority and rivalry. A Hebrew able resources to maximize them for above everyone else in a group. This proverb says, “Rivalry of scholars a common vision. Leaders spearhead attitude makes leaders assume they advances wisdom.” But I don’t think a new way of thinking and create are indispensable and more impor- this is as literal to leadership as solutions that remove obstacles tant. As such, they cripple organic it sounds. Rivalry is not a virtue. to the vision and mission of their trust, respect and influence in their Actually, rivalry climaxes itself into group. Leaders faithfully and boldly team. competition between parties or in- stand up for causes that transform The greatest leader who ever lived is dividuals, where each one is against lives, change communities and make Jesus Christ, and He taught His dis- the other – not pro-other. a positive difference in the world. ciples the opposite of pre-eminence: The big danger of rivalry is that They are the salt and the light of the “Whosoever will be great among for one to win, the other must lose. world. But, as people of influence, you, let him be your servant” (Mat- One must be behind for the other leaders are susceptible to subtle sins thew 20:26). Leadership is service, to be ahead. Once rivalry bleaches that dent their core and weaken the the down-to-earth path to the top. the fabric of a leadership team, that fabric of teams. team loses the sense togetherness Sin #2: Rivalry and a focus on “us”. Rather, rivalry is Sin #1: Pre-eminence all about one against another. The world is short on GENUINELY The Sage dictionary defines pre- servant leaders in churches, organ- eminence as “high status importance 28

“Leaders who That’s why it takes courage to be are, they react by taking everything value their a leader for rivalry in leadership personal. positions is a symptom of cowardice. Cour- Such leaders must learn to appreci- more age leaders contribute to the team ate the uniqueness and importance than their without politicking around for rec- of everyone on the team, including constructive ognition. Instead, they humbly grow themselves. Dynamic team members contribution together with the team. Instead must belong securely together, to a of rivalry and competition, great growing from each other. That is corporate leaders contribute. They nurture why secure leaders don’t prove a vision are authentic relationships. point; they inspire a people. a liability Even in the Bible, it is written: “Don’t to any push your way to the front; don’t Sin #5: Position “ sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get Leaders who value their positions ahead.” (Philippians 2:3) more than their constructive contribution to a corporate vision Sin #3: Defamation are a liability to any organisation. Yes, positions have their place in Basically, defamation is a habit of leadership. But a positional leader tarnishing other people’s reputation, tends to focus on protecting his or especially when that act works in her position, and pays little attention favour of the one who defames the to the wellbeing of the team and the other. Throughout history, this habit organisation’s mission. has killed visions and torn leader- Also, positional leaders are inclined ship teams to pieces in every leader- to discouraging change as change ship arena. would interfere with their positional Jim Rohn was a respected Ameri- comfort zones. In fact, positional can author and a great leadership leaders lead as lords, not as servants. thinker. He said these words, “There Lords load on the people while lead- are two ways to have the tallest ers lead by example. building in town. One is to tear ev- In as much as position wield special eryone else’s building down, and the influence in leadership, virtually other is to build your building taller.” anyone can make a positive differ- As a leader, you don’t have to slander ence in their space without neces- your way to the top. Wish others sarily having a leadership position. well and it shall be well with you. Conclusion SIn #4: Insecurity We all can be great leaders. But we Leaders who are insecure tremble at are humans. That means, as much as the growth of people around them. we try to be better leaders, we will They lack confidence in themselves. never be perfect. That’s a given. We As a result, they stir rivalry, defame may all fall into one or more of the others and push to rise by manipula- five traps above. But we can still be tion. Insecurity is closely tied to the exceptional leaders if we embrace second trap, rivalry. Just as Beth humility, accountability and teach- Moore said, “Insecurity is at the ability. The world needs leaders who heart of rivalry.” are the salt and light in their spheres Insecure leaders don’t see them- of influence. Be the one. M selves with the others in a team – but against them. They tend to prove their worth in comparison to everyone else on the team. When they find themselves lacking, or they see someone getting to the level they 29

datingsmart HOW TO DATE SMART AS AN ENTREPRENUER by Mike Mkali Ican’t remember the actual date, graduate from medical school and, On the early days of our courtship, except that it was in 2009. The most importantly, a dedicated born we clearly defined our relationship sun was setting and I was sitting again believer – a beautiful bride, vision, mission and Goals. Whether by the amp theatre with my best inside out. As if that was not enough, we like it or not, a relationship or friend that I had just met in my first we were going to have the wedding a family is an institution whose year at University of Malawi, the at the best hotel in our time, and our path needs to be clearly defined. Polytechnic. honeymoon was already set at one As a couple our vision is to create As fresh men, we shared a lot of of the best beaches in Africa, by the a legacy that will last for more dreams on how we were going to ocean. I couldn’t help it but to be hit than 2000 years through positive change the world, once we left with “excit-nervousness.” Ten years impact in the kingdom of God and college. Having grown up in poverty, before, with grips of poverty all humanity. we were determined to change the over me, this was an unimaginable, status quo in our lives. It was during absurd fantasy. Point #2: On that day these chats, that we made promises we clearly agreed to to each other about dating, family How did our chats with my be faithful men and and entrepreneurship. Ten years best friend lead to this exciting committed to our wives later, those conversations have phenomenon? I will put it in points and family. changed our lives. so that you can easily follow. That’s Like Anthony Robins says in his important because I believe, if you As a principle, we told each other book, Awakening the Giant Within, a follow what my friend and I agreed that faithfulness needed to start lot can happen in ten years. That has ten years before my wedding day, before we were even married. We been my story. Before I share what it can significantly change and agreed that our first girlfriends we discussed about dating, business transform your life in the upcoming were going to be our wives. As a and family with my college friend, decade, leading into 2030. principle in practice, we agreed that let me take you to my wedding day – if we would declare that we liked the 27th July 2019 – ten years later Point #1: We clearly a lady, even though we had not yet after college.  defined our vision and proposed or asked her out, then we I usually stand and speak before discovered our God would not like another lady until she a lot of people and stage fright is given purpose would get into a relationship with never part of me. But on this day, another man. As crazy as it sounds, I was so nervous to face the crowd Every wise man needs to clearly we were faithful to our mahope in the church filled up with people define his journey in life, before (crush), though they didn’t know it. who had come for my wedding. This asking a woman to join you along. On the same, we didn’t believe in nervousness, which I call “excit- When I was asking my wife out, I the worldly concept of dating. The nervous,” made me wonder if I was made it clear where I was going with world defines dating as a process the same person who was broke few my life. The Bible says two shall not of spending time with a person years ago. In those days, I could not walk together unless they agree. (or persons) in hope of finding a afford transport fare from Kawale Some years later in our relationship, committed relationship. to Town. I asked my would-be wife what she And this day, I was getting married liked about me. She answered: “You The problem with this is that people to one of the smartest women; a are a visionary man”. go into a relationship and when they see something that they don’t like, 20

MR & MRS MKALI JUST MARRIED they come out, leaving the other of his teachings, “A woman is a We loved the Lord so much. We person hurt. But as Christians, we raw material. You can build her to agreed that we would live a holy life need to do our research about the become what you want her to be.”  in our relationships, in courtship as other person that we like before we He went on to say, “The best woman well as in marriage. The Bible clearly make the commitment. In my case, I is not out there but in your mind.” says that, if the Lord does not build made a promise that the first woman I strongly believe that any man can the house, then they that build it to ask out was going to be my wife, build a woman into that perfect build it in vain. When my wife and I and it’s exactly what I did. I don’t partner for a God given mission started our relationship, we agreed have an ex-girlfriend. on this earth. As men, we need to that our first kiss would be on the take a leading role in training our altar, and that our first sex would Point #3: Back then, women to become our great partners be after we got married. It was not we also agreed that no in achieving our God given visions. easy, but we lived our promise. The matter what kind of a Despite my wife coming from a moment we choose to live according woman we would get, medical school, she has grown over to God’s word, God is faithful to see we would build them time to become one of an uprising us through to accomplish it by His into what we wanted lady entrepreneur. grace. them to be in line with Lastly, I believe you cannot date our God given vision. Point #4: Both my smart until you make a decision to college friend and build a personal relationship with Like Dr. Myles Monroe says in one I were very zealous God, by accepting the Lord Jesus as brothers in the Lord. your Lord and saviour. M 31

Dr. Natasha Lwesya 32

The A’s of Every Relationship Dr. Natasha Lwesya If there is one topic that I don’t think requires we make some individual order to communicate better, let it can ever be over-emphasized it would and combined decisions according be a daughter’s joy to make it easier be this one: RELATIONSHIPS. Our to the relationship. If we used our by cooperating and eventually giv- world is comprised of “people”, living favorite “boy/girl relationship” as an ing birth to an amazing friendship. and breathing beings. With so much example, if the lady assumed a cer- So the same in the guy world, even in spread information of how we can tain thing about her boyfriend and their coded languages, a little bit of deal with people we don’t get along only later allowed him to correct her help and room goes miles. with, we have all learned the ability ideas, she would have to adjust how Our last “A”, which I must be honest to ignore or just cleanly withdraw little time she gives to her “duration and say it often is very hard for me to ourselves from those we have rec- of getting upset or angry”. She would do is: “acceptance”. After we have as- ognized are toxic to us and our lives. have to make changes that will make sumed, adjusted, assisted and all has The relationships we begin to pri- him comfortable to still stay and feel failed, there are some things we can- oritize are those we decide worthy of trusted and vice versa. In our imper- not change regardless of how much our efforts, time and attention. fectness, to make things works, in all we wish we could. These don’t have But am sure someone can attest that kinds of relationships, adjustments to be things our loved ones do, there those are not always the easiest to are a must. could be things they are. They could handle either. The question then is The third “A” is for “assistance.” be the exact imperfections that make how then can we grow better in han- After things resolve, because of our them perfect for us. Often we forget dling the things we love and want to tendencies as humans to fall a couple how they are imperfect and in the keep safe? Here are some “A’s” I ab- of times when trying to learn some- name of trying to make them better, breviated that I extracted from les- thing new, be it a skill or language, we try changing the very core of who sons from my own relationships. even in relationships, there is a need they are to fit an ideology we have in The first “A” would be for “assump- for “assistance”. If for example, the our heads. As we continuously give tions”. I never fully understood how lady (still in our boy/girl scene) dis- ourselves the permission to grow and much assumptions had the ability to likes a specific thing a guy does and be okay with our flaws, may we never hinder or even kill relationships be- has told him countless times before, do anything less for those we love. cause they take the place of commu- if she sees any hint of effort to try With these four “A’s” that have hope- nication. I went on a spree of watch- and change, assistance is the best fully brought new perceptions or ing Hallmark movies (which I must call. The fact that he is trying when have reminded us of how to handle say are awesome) and noticed a pat- he could just simply walk out is him our relationships, here is another tern. In almost all the movies where saying “I find this worth it” and the round of loving hard and loving right, the two people we all hope will end ladies response should be “so do I. let those we find irreplaceable. Happy up with happily ever after, there sud- me help”. relationships everybody. M denly comes a fog between them be- This could be even in the cases of cause of assumptions that were made mother-daughter/father-son rela- privately. And because of “what they tionships, depending on which race; think they know” they easily give up sometimes those relationships are what “they love”. So, every time your strenuous because our society says mind tells you to assume something, you can only be this close with your shut it up and say, “No, because I don’t children. But at the same time, our know the whole story I will chose to world is now so crazy that unless not make any decisions till I do.” you build a strong bond with your Second “A”, if descending in order, children, God knows what someone would be “adjustments”. When and else will convince them to do all be- if we decide to stop assuming and cause you have created boundaries of finally start communicating there how much you should talk. In those is a truth that becomes bare that cases, if a daughter sees her mother trying to change a certain habit in 33

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