Conversations of Inquiry

COI’s and an expanded view of the world We invite you to use Conversations of Inquiry as a means of wid- ening your horizons, and those of others. We invite ourselves, all of us, to challenge ourselves to connect with people with very different backgrounds: expressed in eco- nomic occupational, political, philosophical, social, gender, gener- ational, religious, geographic, racial, or sexual–orientation terms. What can we learn by seeing the world through the lens of some- one with a completely different story and a set of experiences than ourselves? We encourage ourselves, all of us, also to see our partners in con- versation as individuals, as individuals who are members of small groups and communities, as individuals who are members of con- nected and networked communities, as individuals who are mem- bers of networks of networks and systems of systems. This multi– tiered view is important because it speaks to respect – to see again and again, and always in new ways – the people to whom we are listening, and to whom we are speaking, and learning “along– side” rather than seeing them simply as a source of information or advantage. We encourage you to notice what you see, hear, sense and feel when your horizons are widened – to share your learning with your partners and your network – and with us. 99

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Making Conversations of Inquiry a habit – A final note from the Authors We are all learning to become better – more committed, more en- ergetic, more present, and more proactive – in creating opportu- nities for Conversations of Inquiry, and learning more and more how to widen our horizons through this very fruitful practice and channel. Our experience is that the more we hold these conver- sations, the easier they become, but also the deeper and more in- sightful they become – the more we become skillful at holding them and learning from them and offering the benefits to our counterparts and to others. This book is part of a journey of inquiry for us. We are all engaged in different ways with helping young people – and those young at heart, including ourselves! – to emerge as inspired authors of our own lives, abundant and successful makers of beautiful objects, products, services, experiences and organizations. We look for- ward to sharing these ideas and co–creating around them with you. We invite you to make Conversations of Inquiry a habit, to learn more and more from these connections, and to make the learning and the reflection they inspire part of your personal daily prac- tice. You may find that your “portfolio” of conversations is a rich resource for your personal growth. We have found it so for us. If you find this practice enriches you and others, please share your experience with us and share your best ideas and practices with others. We wish you a rich and profitable journey. 101

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Quotations that inspire us for this work When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. – Maya Angelou The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes from within the souls of men when they realize their relationship, their oneness, with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the universe dwells Wakan–Tanka, and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us. This is the real peace, and the others are but reflections of this. The second peace is that which is made between two individuals, and the third is that which is made between two nations. But above all you should understand that there can never be peace between nations until there is first known that true peace which is within the souls of men. – Black Elk Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. – Dr. Joyce Brothers Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. – Jimi Hendrix 103

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. – Paolo Coelho Culture makes people understand each other better. And if they un- derstand each other better in their soul, it is easier to overcome the economic and political barriers. But first they have to understand that their neighbour is, in the end, just like them, with the same problems, the same questions. – Paulo Coelho No one can lie, no one can hide anything, when he looks directly into someone’s eyes. – Paulo Coelho The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said. – Peter Drucker The reality today is that we are all interdependent and have to co– exist on this small planet. Therefore, the only sensible and intelli- gent way of resolving differences and clashes of interests, whether between individuals or nations, is through dialogue. – The Dalai Lama There is more than a verbal tie between the words common, commu- nity, and communication.... Try the experiment of communicating, with fullness and accuracy, some experience to another, especially if it be somewhat complicated, and you will find your own attitude toward your experience changing. – John Dewey 104

Without mutual knowledge there can be no mutual understanding; without understanding, there can be no trust and respect; without trust, there can be no peace, only the danger of conflict. This means we have to be willing and able to familiarize ourselves with the way people of other cultures think and perceive the world around them, but without losing our own standpoint in the process. – Roman Herzog, President of Germany Dialogue, one can argue, is the central activity of any universi- ty community. We can disagree passionately, but we should not demean our opponents. We should state our convictions, but we should listen to all, and most attentively to those who do not share our views. It is the responsibility of each of us to foster a conversa- tion that engages and enlightens, rather than descends to mutual recrimination. – John I. Jenkins, CSC, President, University of Notre Dame If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. – Nelson Mandela Everything has a role to play. – Menominee hunters and fishers Dialogue is the only way to end war and terror. We need practical solidarity with those who are weaker and diplomacy from below. – Luisa Morgantini, Italian politician and peace movement leader 105

Only curiosity about the fate of others, the ability to put ourselves in their shoes, and the will to enter their world through the magic of imagination, creates this shock of recognition. Without this em- pathy there can be no genuine dialogue, and we as individuals and nations will remain isolated and alien, segregated and fragmented. – Azar Nafisi, Ph.D, Iranian–born writer, teacher and scholar of English literature You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time. – M. Scott Peck The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.... A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well–intentioned words. – Rachel Naomi Remen Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. – Rainer Maria Rilke I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other. – Rainer Maria Rilke 106

A person isn’t who they are during the last conversation you had with them – they’re who they’ve been throughout your whole rela- tionship. – Rainer Maria Rilke I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone. – Rainer Maria Rilke We have to face the fact that either all of us are going to die to- gether or we are going to learn to live together and if we are to live together we have to talk. – Eleanor Roosevelt Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about. – Jalaluddin Rumi To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all differ- ent in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others. – Tony Robbins If you want peace, you don’t talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies. – Desmond Tutu 107

My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human to- gether. – Desmond Tutu Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, inti- macy and mutual valuing. – Rollo May Nothing that God ever made is the same thing to more than one person. That is natural. – Zora Neale Hurston 108

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Appendix: A format for recording learnings from COI’s You may want to create your own format for recording the learn- ings of each particular COI, including z Your contact’s name z Contact details z The locations and time of the meeting z Key learnings z Key actions you each agreed to z Subsequent events or subsequent learnings Some people will like to keep these records electronically, oth- ers in paper form. Some may prefer to capture COI learnings and actions in their journal. Some people find a paper record to be more human and more embodied, some people like the portabil- ity, flexibility and shareability of digital forms. Some people may want a physical space to store images, objects and artefacts col- lected around COI’s Another way of working is to keep all your COI learnings in one electronic space, as a sort of structured COI diary. We’re experimenting with doing this electronically via a spreadsheet or table where each line has four columns z Name z Date z Learning point (a sentence or two or a few key words; you can also include links to images, maps, videos, music, etc) 110

z Tags linking this entry to broader topics, organisations, themes, projects, initiatives, etc. In this way, you can quickly keep a master file of your COI learn- ings. Each time you have a COI, you can add one or more lines to the table. If there were several learnings from one COI, you can make several lines, each with the person’s name and the same date. Tags allow you flexibly to reference the context of each learning point, especially if you don’t mention the topic words directly in your note of learning. You can then use a search function to find learning points for that topic across all your COI’s. Or you can sim- ply read over your whole COI diary as a sequential history. Here’s an example format (a spreadsheet version looks very sim- ilar) 111

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Sources and references Burnett, W. and Evans, D. (2016). Designing Your Life. Lon- don: Chatto & Windus. This book captures the learnings of a highly regarded course at Stanford, helping students in many fields apply a design ethos to creating a satisfying and rewarding life. The authors recommend organising what we would call Conversa- tions of Inquiry as a way of “prototyping” life and work strategies. z See Bill Burnett’s TED talk: “5 Steps to Desinging the Life You Want.” Dalton, S. (2012). The 2–Hour Job Search. Berkeley: Ten Speed Press. This book is a guide, by a leader of the placement office at Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business School, to the latest insights and techniques for effective job search in our digital world. Dal- ton’s “informational interviews” are an important special case of Conversations of Inquiry. z Steve Dalton describes parts of his 2HJS process in a video: “Preview, The 2-Hour Job Search with Steve Dalton” on First- hand’s channel on YouTube Dalton, S. (2021). The Job Closer. Berkeley: Ten Speed Press. This book builds on Dalton’s earlier work and focuses on principles and practices for bringing a job search to a successful close: winning or establishing a professional role on mutually attractive terms. z The author offers resources related to the book, including a video talk, at www.thejobcloser.com/resources 113

Lewitz, O. and Neidhardt, C. (2016). Showing up. Berlin: Lean- Pub. This book introduces the Temenos journey of personal and col- lective leadership development, as introduced by consultant Siraj Sirajuddin and offered internationally by the TrustTemenos Lead- ership Academy. The Temenos journey employs creative mapping techniques we describe and advocate for use in Conversations of Inquiry in this book. z Lewitz talks about the Temenos journey in a video on his YouTube channel “Olaf Lewitz on Vision Temenos” Rowland, E. and Rozenthuler, S. (2016). Leading Systemic Di- alogue. London: The Whole Partnership. This ebook introduces the principles of holding creative dialogues, of which COI’s are a special case. The authors invite an awareness of the systemic context – what are the larger set of human rela- tionships surrounding the people directly involved in the conver- sation. They are world leaders in working with human systems and in holding creative and powerful dialogue. z The ebook is available for download at wholepartnership.com. Scharmer, C. (2009). Theory U. San Francisco, Calif. : Berrett– Koehler. This book introduces in detail an approach to collaborative, cre- ative journeys of inquiry. Part of the author’s approach is to en- courage people to listen at progressively deeper levels. We refer- ence and advocate this approach to listening in this book. The author, C. Otto Scharmer, is a Senior Lecturer at MIT and the lead sponsor of one of the most widely followed online global trainings in leadership development, u.lab. z Scharmer explains his theory of listening in a video on You- Tube: “Otto Scharmer on the four levels of listening”. 114

Udall, N. (2014). Riding the Creative Rollercoaster: How Lead- ers Evoke Creativity, Productivity and Innovation. London: Kogan Page. This book presents an approach to innovative leadership, viewed as a continual series of journeys of inquiry, venturing over and over again into the unknown. The author, a leading international consultant on creating cultures of innovation, uses the metaphor of a creative rollercoaster to describe these repeated journeys to breakthrough. In this ebook, we invite readers to use this mental model as they conduct Conversations of Inquiry. z A video, available online at www.now-here.com, carries view- ers through the rollercoaster journey. 115

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From the authors We sometimes hear people speak about “being world–class” and “winning.” Usually these ideas turn out to be about individual achievement and being better than others. Instead, we invite you to be the creative genius you were meant to be, to create projects, teams and communities – including organi- zations and companies – that allow you and others to realize their creative potential. If you do that, we believe the ‘success’ will be there for everyone. We invite you also to help others to be the creative geniuses they were meant to be. It’s not about comparison, being better than someone else, or winning in that sense. It’s about being the best you can be and helping many others do the same. That’s what “winning’ really means to us. Our hope is that, in a small way, Conversations of Inquiry will help us all as we undertake those journeys of discovery. We want to acknowledge and thank Tracy Skala and Annie Littrell Senior, co-authors of a first edition of this book, published pri- vately in 2006. Their inspirations remain with us. 117