Sample with PubHTML5

THE ARUDIA COACHING MODEL It’s A Dance . . . Why do we say “it’s a dance . . .”? “It” – human interactions and conversation – are often neither predictable nor linear. And, while it’s easier to coach someone who understands coaching because the conversation is more likely to follow the steps, it is certainly not necessary that the conversation follow the process exactly for you to get the best results. Your goal is to be effective, not to perfectly execute either The Arudia Coaching Model or The Arudia Win-Win Con- versation Model. Being effective requires you be present, listening for what is important to your colleagues, for what might be holding them back, and what they need to move forward. Thus, ■  You will learn The Arudia Coaching Model, i.e., “pure” coaching ■  In practice, asking open-ended questions is a skill to draw on as needed in a variety of situations, and ■  The process may be used in full or in part and in conjunction with Win-Win for best results TIP 111: Versatility of Coaching. Here we focus on teaching you pure coaching, i.e., asking questions at every step and following the process start to finish, but The Arudia Coaching Model can be used in full or in part, as the situation requires. Coaching Skills are versatile; draw on them anytime you wish to create focus and clarity and make progress toward outcomes. TIP 112: Be Intentional To Get Best Results. You can use The Arudia Win-Win Conver- sation Model and The Arudia Coaching Model in whole and in part to get the best results. “Best results” can vary depending on the circumstances. In general, best results mean that those involved have done their best thinking, devised a strategy that meets the most important goals, and each person knows exactly what he or she has to do to move forward. They are very different techniques, yet both require presence and intention. Example: Win-Win and Coaching Skills To Find Solutions. Jamie and Bailey work for a global firm that specializes in sustainability and supplier logistics. Jamie mentors Bailey with the hopes that Bailey will take on more client responsibility so that Jamie can focus on thought leadership and business development. Jamie decides to talk to Bailey about handling the Acme Anvil Company account. Jamie says: Win-Win Step 1: State the Facts: “Up to now, I’ve handled most of the client relation- ships, which means I am not able to focus on thought leadership and other business development activities.” Win-Win Step 2: State Feelings: “I am concerned that if I don’t spend time on thought leadership, we’ll lose our standing as a premier sustainability-strategy firm.” Win-Win Step 3: State Needs/Goals: “I need some support to free up time.” Win-Win Step 4: Make a Request: “Would you be willing to take over the Acme Anvil Company account?” 87

THE ARUDIA COACHING MODEL Inner loop (not a no, but not a yes): Bailey responds, “I like the idea in principle, but I’ve got some concerns.” Jamie uses Coaching Skills to create a strategy that works for both of them. Coaching Step 1: Establish the Focus: Jamie asks, “Bailey, what would you like to see happen?” Bailey: “I’d like to make sure that the transition is smooth and I have support in metal- lurgy, which as you know, has never been an area of expertise for me.” Jamie: “What would you like to get from our conversation today?” Bailey: “A clear strategy for support. Let’s work out the transition plan later.” Coaching Step 2: Brainstorm Options: Jamie: “What ideas do you have for support in metallurgy?” Bailey: “I think Terry in engineering would be perfect and might enjoy being a co-lead. And, I think if I could rely on you and Addison in a pinch I would have what I need.” More questions, more options generated. Coaching Step 3: Create the Plan: Jamie: “Which of these options do you think will work best for you?” Bailey: “I’d like to start with talking to Terry; I bet Terry’s game.” Jamie: “What else?” Bailey: “Let me read up on Acme and see if I have any more questions.” Coaching Step 4: Remove Obstacles: Jamie: “Who else do you think you need to talk to?” Bailey: “Addison and Payton, for sure.” Jamie: “Is there anything else you need in terms of resources or support?” Bailey: “Other than a little bit of time to get up to speed, not really. I’ll come to you when I have questions or want to pick your brain.” Coaching Step 5: Review and Commit: Jamie: “Great. Just to recap, what will you do by when?” Bailey: “I am going to talk to Terry by the end of the week. I’ll touch base with Addison within a couple of days of talking to Terry, and I’ll start reviewing the file now.” Jamie: “Sounds like a plan! When would you like to touch base on this next?” Bailey: “How does next Friday over lunch look for you?” Jamie: “Perfect.” 88

THE ARUDIA COACHING MODEL Tools In Your Toolbox Telling and Asking (The Coaching Model) are both tools in your toolbox and, depending on the circumstances, one will yield better results than the other. Especially if you are your col- league’s manager, Telling is the appropriate tool for communicating expectations, needs, goals, and new information. The diagram below illustrates the pros and cons of using each tool. Now consider the following questions in the context of your interactions with colleagues. 80. What are the benefits of a telling/management strategy? 81. What are the benefits of an asking/coach strategy? 82. What are the downsides of a telling/management strategy? 83. What are the downsides of an asking/coach strategy? TIP 113: Ask Like a Coach. Use insightful, open-ended questions to access the coachee’s best thinking regarding possible strategies. For a demonstration of Telling where asking might be more effective, please visit Mad TV Bob Newhart’s Stop it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHdF-I3szOs 89

THE ARUDIA COACHING MODEL When To Use Coaching You get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within. - Bob Nelson Between pure Telling and pure Asking (using The Coaching Model in full) are tools that vary in degree to which they direct the listener. Consider when you would be more effective - meaning the message is truly received and considered - if, rather than Tell, you take a more Coach-like approach by: giving advice, offering guidance, making suggestions, or supporting another in creating his or her own solutions. Asking (using The Coaching Model in full or in part) is an appropriate, and the most effective, tool in many circumstances, including when you: ■  Help a colleague in solving a problem ■  Need to clarify your colleague’s (even your manager’s or a client’s) needs and expecta- tions ■  Lead a meeting ■  Want to be sure that colleagues buy into the solution TIP 114: Intend to Coach. Coaching requires that you intend to coach. This means you refrain from Telling and focus on Asking - using Coaching Skills - to engage and support your colleague in doing his or her best thinking. 90

THE ARUDIA COACHING MODEL The Ask/Tell Blend While this section of The Workplace Toolkit focuses on “pure coaching,” it would be delinquent to leave out the very practical reality that there will be times when it makes more sense to use a blend of managing Telling and Coaching Skills. It is important to be deliberate and intentional in your use of both managing and Coaching Skills to attain the best results. The following self-assessment will help you identify your communication style. When you are aware of your style, you are able to make deliberate choices to use different tools in your toolbox - Telling, giving advice, offering guidance, making suggestions, and coaching - when it would be more effective to do so. Of every 100 times you interact with a colleague, identify the number of times you use each tool. Tool Actual Times /100 Tell What To Do =100 Give Advice Offer Guidance Make Suggestions Support In Finding Own Solutions TOTAL What do you notice? Which Tool Depends On The Situation Telling and Coaching Skills are both valuable tools for leading, collaborating, and solving problems. Your choice of tool depends on your assessment of the pros and cons of using each tool and your goals. The following considerations will help you determine your approach. 91

THE ARUDIA COACHING MODEL Remember, using Tell/Manage means that the solution is yours. It’s an authoritative and command and control style of leadership. It’s also best for determining what needs to be done and explaining why. Using an Ask/Coach approach means that the coachee – your colleague – generates solutions and the interaction is more collaborative. It’s best for supporting the coachee in identifying how he or she will accomplish the task. TIP 115: Be Deliberate. Both a Manage/Tell approach and Coach/Ask approach have their place and are important skills. The key is to deliberately choose the most appropriate skill for the situation. ASSESS AND ACT: For your eyes only 84. When do you use a Tell/Manage approach? What are the specific benefits? 85. When do you already use a Coach/Ask approach? What are the specific benefits? 86. When could you use a Coach/Ask approach for better results? TIP 116: You Don’t Have To Have the Answer. Don’t think you need the answer to a performance or other problem to raise the concern with a report or other colleague. All you have to do is flag the concern and request or invite the colleague to find a solution with you. TIP 117: You Can’t Make Staff Take Responsibility. You can’t make someone take responsibility for his or her work. You can, however, cease to problem-solve for that person. When you Tell a staff person to accomplish a task in a particular manner, you take responsibil- ity for accomplishing the task. Instead, if you Ask open-ended coaching questions designed to support that person in solving his or her own problem, the person is more likely to succeed. This is because you have helped the person identify steps that will work for him or her. 92

COACHING: Questions That Work Questions That Work Probably my best quality as a coach is that I ask a lot of challenging questions and let the person come up with the answer. - Phil Dixon Coaching is the use of open-ended questions to elicit the coachee’s best thinking by encourag- ing a full, meaningful answer based on the person’s own knowledge. You want questions to ■  Bring clarity to the situation through insight ■  Provoke deeper thought ■  Probe the essence of what the coachee said ■  Evoke visions of what is possible ■  Create structures for accountability Examples: Questions That Work •  Does that meet your needs? •  What is important to you about that? •  What can you do with that insight? 93

COACHING: Questions That Work •  How have you handled similar situations in the past? •  Who can you get support from? •  By when will you . . .? •  How can you hold yourself accountable? Use Open-Ended Questions Coaching relies on open-ended questions to elicit another’s best thinking by encouraging a full, meaningful answer based on the person’s own knowledge. Open-ended questions typically start with: ■  What ■  How ■  Tell me more, or ■  A simple statement intended to foster thinking and discussion While the latter two are not questions, they accomplish the same purpose as an open-ended question by fostering the coachee’s insight, best thinking, and problem solving. An open-ended question is quite different from a closed-ended question, which limits a person’s answer by encouraging a short or single word answer. See, for example, The Win-Win Conversation “Would you be wiling to . . ?” Closed-ended questions typically can be answered with: ■  A simple “yes” or “no” ■  A simple piece of information ■  A selection from a defined list of choices, or ■  A rating on a scale Closed questions are best for clarifying a particular point or paraphrasing what another has said to ensure understanding. Use neutral, collaborative, language. Neutral language is more likely to elicit the coachee’s best thinking because it allows the coachee to focus on the issue rather than whether he or she is to blame. See The Arudia Win-Win Conversation Model, Step 1: State the Facts. Along those same lines, avoid: ■  Leading questions, which strongly suggest the answer ■  Loaded questions, which contain controversial assumptions ■  Loaded words such as “considerate” (See Win-Win page 49 and page 55 for further discus- sion and examples of loaded words, respectively) ■  Using “should” and “should not,” which can sound like criticism or that you are telling the coachee what to do 94

COACHING: Questions That Work EXERCISE: Questions Find a partner to practice using the different types of questions. Use only close-ended questions, those which can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” answer only. Now use only open-ended questions. Start your questions with: Why, What, How . . . 87. What differences did you observe about the information you gained from using each type of question? 88. What were the benefits of closed-ended questions? 89. What were the benefits of open-ended questions? You can also do this exercise by noticing the difference in using open- and closed-ended questions in every-day conversation. TIP 118: Remain Curious. You will likely be surprised by what you learn. If you think you’ve got it all figured out, just remember that different Types offer different perspectives and, at the very least, you will learn your colleague’s perspective. Thus, your questions can always be more than merely paying lip service to the coaching process, but can be authentic inquiries. TIP 119: Help Change Mindset. Listen for what the coachee is telling him or herself. The coachee could have climbed the Ladder of Inference (see page 51) and be negatively affected by his or her belief or mindset. If the coachee has a disempowering belief or mindset, you can support him or her in changing it through coaching. TIP 120: Powerful Questions Set The Example. When you ask powerful questions, you train your colleagues to ask themselves and others the kinds of questions that will encourage them to think hard about resolving problems. TIP 121: Ask Questions When It’s Going Well. Don’t just use Coaching Skills when performance needs to change. Ask good, open-ended questions when things are going well. Not only are there lessons to be learned, but also you condition your team that questions are a normal part of collaboration and not an indication of a problem. TIP 122: Your Question Mindset. Compare the sets of questions on the next page. The first set of questions is “problem-focused.” These types of questions work best for solving linear problems that have a right answer. Most problems, however, are not simple linear problems. Most problems are complex and can be resolved by more than one multi-faceted solution. In addition to the open/closed distinction, questions can be problem or solution focused. Problem-focused questions aren’t “bad,” unless they are focused on blaming another. Use problem-focused questions if you need to explore what happened. We recommend using solu- tion-focused questions most of the time because it is these questions that foster the creativity and insight necessary to resolve an issue. 95

COACHING: Questions That Work Problem-Focused Questions Solution-Focused Questions •  What’s the problem? •  What would you like to see (and make) •  What are the root causes? happen? •  What have you tried that hasn’t worked? •  Can you recall a time when the solution was present, at least in part? What made •  Why haven’t you been able to fix the that possible? problem yet? •  What are some small steps you could take •  Who is to blame? towards success? •  What have you learned? How can you further apply your learning? Now think about how these types of questions will likely land with the coachee: what do you think the coachee would be thinking and feeling when you ask problem-focused questions? Problem-focused, especially the last two above, questions often prompt a defensive reaction and leave you and the coachee feeling drained and uninspired. Now think about what the coachee would be thinking and feeling if you asked solution-fo- cused questions. The coachee will likely feel empowered and engaged because you have focused him or her on what is possible. These kinds of questions inspire creativity and a can-do attitude. You choose. COACHING DEMO: Listen For . . . We’ve laid the foundation by exploring the differences between Managing/Telling and Coaching/Asking. Now it’s time to watch Coaching Skills in action. ■  Active listening and focus ■  Following the steps of The Coaching Model ■  Use of open-ended questions ■  Paraphrasing of what the coachee said ■  Making suggestions instead of giving advice ■  Use of neutral language ■  Focus on the ultimate goal: to elicit the coachee’s best thinking regarding strategies that will achieve the coachee’s goals and meet his or her needs TIP 123: Notice The Difference. Notice how others react to you when you ask instead of tell. You’ll likely find that they are less defensive, look to you for the right kind of support, are engaged, and develop confidence. What do you observe? How has this helped you to lead, manage or collaborate? 96

COACHING: Questions That Work TIP 124: Practice Pausing. If you’ve asked a great question – the kind that has made your colleague or coachee think hard, be sure to pause so the he or she has time to do their best thinking. We note that because Extraverts often have difficultly not “filling the space,” pausing is an especially valuable habit because pausing allows others to think, participate and, ultimately, take ownership of their strategy and success. Remember, if you are talking most of the time, most of the ideas will be yours, and colleagues won’t feel as empowered, engaged, or responsible for outcomes. And, pausing is critical to allowing the coachee to do his or her best thinking and make choices that he or she can live with. While this is particularly important if the coachee prefers Introver- sion, Extraverts benefit from reflective time too. What Do You Think? Samantha is the CEO of an up-and-coming aerospace company located in Southern California. She comes into your office, furious. It’s Friday and she just received an email from Andy – the VP of Experimental Science & Technology – who says that he doesn’t have time to analyze and draft his section of the report for the board meeting until next Wednesday. The meeting is the next Friday and Samantha needs Andy’s portion of the report because she’ll need to do substantial rewriting. She thinks he can’t write his way out of a brown paper bag. Andy is brilliant and his section of the report is the most important. If the board buys into the company’s experimental technology, they won’t have to sell the company to BigTime Aerospace. Samantha actually likes Andy but wishes he would grow up. She rants, “He begged me for the promotion, and if he can’t handle it, I’m just going to have to demote him! Not only that,” she continues, “but I am going to reduce his vacation time!” Samantha is ready to give Andy a piece of her mind – tell him what a spoiled kid he is and that he needs to get with the program. 90. How do you think Andy will respond if Samantha approaches him as described above? 91. Do you think Samantha’s strategy will elicit Andy’s support? 92. What would you advise Samantha do instead? 93. What might be interfering with Andy’s ability to focus on the report? 94. How might Samantha use Win-Win or Coaching Skills to have a more productive conver- sation? 97

COACHING: Mindset Mindset The mind is a powerful thing. It can take you through walls. - Denis Avey, The Man Who Broke Into Auschwitz: A True Story of World War II You will be more effective using Coaching Skills if you adopt a Coaching Mindset. A Coaching Mindset means being ■  Curious not judgmental ■  Patient so that your colleague has time to discover the solution him or herself ■  Open to and interested in what’s important to the coachee and the coachee’s ideas ■  Deliberate about whether you are Telling or asking, i.e., when you are managing or coaching Remember, Coaching Skills are leadership skills and appropriate regardless of whether you lead or manage others. When you use Coaching Skills you are a leader because you ■  Facilitate getting the work done ■  Support colleagues in doing their best thinking ■  Develop yourself and your colleagues’ confidence ■  Foster collaboration ■  Engage colleagues in devising solutions that will work best for them Our advice on putting mindset into action includes ■  Trust and follow your instincts ■  Don’t make assumptions; check in with your colleague to confirm that your understand is in fact correct ■  Notice what is unsaid ■  Don’t step over unstated obstacles ■  Build the relationship over time TIP 125: But I Know the Answer. Even if you think you know the answer and it’s more efficient to give (or Tell) a colleague the answer, there are still great benefits to using Coaching Skills: ■  Especially if a colleague thinks very differently from you or has different experience, the colleague may point out something you’ve overlooked. In other words, the colleague has your back. ■  If you are a colleague’s manager and he or she is struggling, understanding the person’s thinking will help you help him or her. ■  You want to develop a colleague’s confidence and ability to problem-solve. This makes the person more valuable to you. 98

COACHING: Mindset ■  You will gain insight into what is important to your colleague. ■  You might be wrong or have overlooked an important aspect of the problem or its solution. The Partnership of Discovery Coaching is based on a partnership between the person in the coaching role and the person being coached. Because people take action based on their own belief, the more a manager can partner with a direct report, the more the direct report comes to his or her own conclusions and is able to take action confidently. This is because when the person discovers solutions for him or herself, that person ignites his or her own potential and excitement for the work. Ultimately, coaching accelerates results for both the organization and the direct report’s de- velopment. TIP 126: Explain Your Roles As Their Coach. Don’t forget to tell your team members that you will be coaching them. They may look at you quizzically, just let them know you believe they are often the experts in their own situation and know the answer deep down and that coaching will help them do their best thinking. TIP 127: Help To Depersonalize. You can often support the coachee by offering alter- native explanations for another’s behavior. This is particularly helpful if the coachee is taking actions personally, which is rarely, if ever, productive. Feeling Judgers are more likely to do so. Consider the Ladder of Inference (page 51) and ask the coachee, “What are you making this mean?” TIP 128: A Coaching Relationship. You have the necessary relationship for coaching so long as the coachee is open to you supporting them. Coaching is effective 360 degrees, even with your manager, leader, or client, because of its effectiveness as a tool for clarifying goals and needs. Coaching doesn’t require that you be an expert in the subject matter at issue. In fact, being an expert can interfere with supporting the coachee because you will be tempted to give the coachee the answer. And, the coachee may look to you when you aren’t the expert; all you can do is use Coaching Skills to support the coachee in doing his or her best thinking and finding a solution that will work best for them. Finally, remember that coaching up (your manager) can support the manager in clarifying the goals you will need to operationalize. Clarity is good! Coaching Opportunity The opportunity to use Coaching Skills arises more often than you might think. You can avail yourself of the benefits of Coaching Skills by asking a single open-ended question to focus a meeting with one or more colleagues. This is a blended conversation, meaning that you don’t follow the entire coaching process Steps 1 through 5, but merely ask one or more questions at key points in a conversation to clarify a point, steer a conversation, or even challenge an assumption. There will also be opportunities to have pure coaching conversations. You’ll want to under- stand whether you have permission to coach the other person. Such permission can be explicit – your colleague has asked to be coached or has said yes to “would you like me to coach you?” 99

COACHING: Listen For The Essence Permission can also be implicit. A colleague walks into your office and starts talking about one or more problems. This can be an invitation to coach. If you aren’t sure, ask the person “How can I support (or help) you?” You can also jump start coaching, by establishing the focus: ■  “Which of these issues would you like to focus on?” ■  “What is most important to you?” ■  “Where would you like to start?” ■  “I have 10 minutes before my next meeting, how can we best use our time together?” We’ve all had a colleague walk into our office, needing “just a minute,” which often turns into 30 minutes. Notice how you can use the language in the last bullet to help you manage that colleague’s expectations about how much time you have to talk. TIP 129: What is Trust? Trust is essential to coaching. But how do you define trust? Trust is multifaceted and often nebulous, created when one person is confident that another is open, reliable, honest, caring, competent, and has integrity (see page 9). Listen For The Essence Coaches have to watch for what they don’t want to see and listen to what they don’t want to hear. - John Madden Listening is critical to communication generally and coaching in particular. “Listening for the essence” means listening for what’s really going on, underneath any anger, frustration, upset, or rambling. This means you’ll be listening for: ■  What: Core content, which is what’s going on, underneath it all; the source of any dis- comfort ■  Who: Core values and beliefs about self, the situation, and what’s possible ■  Where: Vision about the future and goals TIP 130: When You Can’t Listen. There is a lot that gets in the way of listening. We’re busy running to meetings and getting on calls. Refer to “What Gets In the Way of Listening.” Notice when you are unwilling to give a colleague your full attention due to a competing com- mitment. If this happens, while framing with your commitment to support your colleague, tell him or her that “now is not a good time” and schedule a time that works for both of you. Just stating that you are on your way to a meeting (and perhaps inviting the colleague to walk with you to talk) helps your colleague to not take your lack of time personally or make it mean something negative. See the Ladder of Inference, page 51. 100

COACHING: Listen For The Essence TIP 131: Be Curious. You may be surprised by what you hear. Often, the coachee will gain insight and discover the solution by talking it out. This is the case even if the coach says nothing and only acknowledges that he or she is listening to the coachee. Extraverts (who prefer to process externally) especially benefit from being able to talk things out. TIP 132: Understanding Perspective. When we think we know “the answer,” the “right way,” or “what is really going on,” we can deprive ourselves of new learning. Moreover, un- derstanding the coachee’s perspective will help you support the coachee in gaining insight or devising a plan that will work for him or her. WHAT: Core Content Listening for core content means listening for what’s going on underneath the upset, anger, or complaining. The more you know about your colleague and the workplace, the more likely you are to already understand the reason for the discomfort. Use any insight you have about the situation, but ask coaching questions to ensure that you aren’t making inaccurate assump- tions. Moreover, even if you think you know what is going on, there is great value to the coachee in being listened to fully. The mere act of talking through an issue often leads to greater insight. And, you never know when you’ll be surprised! Listening for core content means listening for: ■  Facts, as distinguished from judgments, which your colleague treats as facts (Win-Win) ■  What is essential and matters to your colleague about the situation ■  What is really going on ■  What your colleague has said and has not said; the latter could be hopes that are in jeopardy or fears about the future WHO: Core Values And Beliefs We all have values and beliefs about ourselves and our lives. Listening for “WHO” means listening for ■  Your colleague’s concerns, desires, and needs (Win-Win) ■  Who your colleague is being (e.g., a victim, a martyr, a hero) ■  What your colleague values, which usually shows up because that value has been offended ■  Underlying beliefs about himself or herself, the situation, or others ■  Intensity of expression, feelings, and tone TIP 133: Challenge the Mindset. If the coachee sees him or herself as a victim, gently challenge this mindset. Typically “victims” don’t see they have options and the power to choose something else. While the coachee may not like the choices, where there is choice, there is power and empowerment. 101

COACHING: Listen For The Essence TIP 134: Remain Curious. Reminder, remain curious. You will likely be surprised by what you learn. WHERE: Vision Listening for where means listening for your colleague’s needs and goals, through any angst or frustration over particular strategies not working or being selected. Listen for ■  Your colleague’s goals as distinguished from strategy (Win-Win) ■  Any plan for reaching the ultimate goal ■  Action consistent with the plan Clarifying Questions & Statements Listening for the essence will often require using clarifying questions and statements to ensure that you and your colleague are on the same page with regard to information your colleague has shared. Clarifying questions aren’t just for you; they will help your colleague gain a better understanding of the situation, needs, facts, and potential solutions. ■  Paraphrase what’s essential to your understanding and to moving forward and ask, “Did I get it right?” This will likely include feelings, needs, and goals ■  Ask: “Is there more?” ■  Note what your colleague hasn’t said, by saying, for example, “You haven’t mentioned . . . .” or “What’s the affect on . . .?” EXERCISE: Types of Listening As you learned in Win-Win on page 77, there is a lot that can get in the way of effective listening. The following exercise can be done with a partner (a friend or colleague) or modified so that you can practice and assess your own listening skills. Decide whether you or your partner will be the coach first. 94.1 Distracted Listening: Discuss with your partner something that is important to you. Partner: Be distracted. Then switch 94.2 Engaged Listening ■  The coachee speaks for 3 minutes about an important topic ■  Coach is silent until the speaker pauses . . . ■  Coach clarifies by paraphrasing and asking if he or she got it right by drawing from the following list of suggested phrases: “So what is most important to you is . . .?” •  “So the issue is . . .?” •  “Is that right?” Then switch 102

COACHING: Establish the Focus To modify the exercise to do it without a partner, listen to a colleague or friend without inter- rupting. When the speaker pauses, paraphrase to check your understanding. To debrief, ask yourself what was different about listening in this manner? What did you learn? Post-Listening Debrief ■  As coachee: What was it like to be listened to without interruption? ■  As coach: What was it like to listen without interruption? Why don’t we listen this way all the time? Learn The Individual Steps It’s time to learn the individual steps of The Arudia Coaching Model so that you can use them whenever doing so will increase buy-in, enhance collaboration, and develop others’ ability to solve problems. Remember, you can use the Model in whole or in part when doing so will lead to greater clarity, next steps, and overall effectiveness. By learning a step-by-step model, you will be able to guide the back-and-forth of conversation so that you resolve problems with engagement and buy-in. You can move any conversation along – including large meetings – just by asking a question pertaining to the next step. With that said, let’s dive into Step 1! 103

COACHING: Establish the Focus Step 1 Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. - Jim Rohn “Establishing the focus” of a conversation is all about clarifying the purpose of a conver- sation. It eliminates guesswork and time wasting. Instead of assuming that you know your colleague’s goals for a conversation (or that your colleague knows yours), you can ask good questions to establish: ■  The topic ■  The goal with regard to the topic ■  Goal or takeaway for the conversation ■  Unmet needs (Win-Win) You will find yourself using Tell in Step 1: Establish the Focus more than any other step. This is because by telling, you can raise the issue (meaning Establish the Focus) before following Steps 2 through 5 of The Arudia Coaching Model to support your colleague in identifying the solution. We’ll further explore this in the section called Give Productive Feedback. TIP 135: Need Focus to Identify Wants. Supporting the coachee in identifying what the coachee truly wants will set the course for the entire conversation as well as determine the conversation’s effectiveness. Thus, take the time to establish the focus, even if it takes 15 minutes! It will be worth the effort because the rest of the conversation will go more quickly and easily and the coachee will get what he or she needs to move forward. Remember, a problem well defined is half solved. Examples of Open-Ended Questions to Support the Coachee in Establishing the Focus ■  Topic •  What is the best use of our time? •  What would you like to focus on? •  Of all of these issues, which is most pressing? •  What’s the problem you’re trying to solve? •  Tell me more . . . 104

COACHING: Establish the Focus ■  Goal •  How will you know if you’ve been successful? •  What is the best possible outcome? •  What would you like to see happen? ■  Takeaway For This Conversation •  What would you like to walk away with from this conversation? •  What do you need from today? TIP 136: Get Results. This step is critical for getting the result you want from any meeting, whether it is with one or 25 people. TIP 137: Don’t Make Assumptions. Be careful not to assume you know what a coachee wants from a conversation. Confirm by asking (Step 1) to ensure the coachee gets what he or she needs to move forward successfully. TIP 138: Listen More. The longer you listen, the more you understand what is really going on and what is important to the coachee. Often it works best to wait until you’ve got this un- derstanding before asking the coachee what he or she would like to focus on, his or her goal, and the desired takeaway from the conversation. TIP 139: Focus Every Meeting. Be sure to Establish the Focus in every meeting, whether or not you are running it. Even a simple clarifying question can ensure you avoid the dreaded “and what did we accomplish in that meeting?” TIP 140: Establish the Focus To Manage Your Time. Imagine you’ve got 15 minutes before a meeting and a colleague enters your office with a whole host of complaints or problems. Framing your time constraint in your commitment to support him or her, say, “I want to support you, but I only have 15 minutes before my next meeting. What is most important to you?” This focuses the conversation and saves time. TIP 141: Offer Observations. At any step of the coaching conversation, you can support the coachee by offering observations. Remember to use neutral language. See Win-Win Step 1, State the Facts, on page 49. 105

COACHING: Establish the Focus Step 1 EXERCISE: Establish the Focus Scenario 1 Greta walks into your office and says she can’t stand working with Madison, who is also a senior manager. Greta got a call from the CFO about an inventory accounting issue that she wanted resolved immediately. Greta’s department is not responsible for inventory account- ing, so she emailed Madison about the problem. Madison never followed up and a week later Madison’s boss Penelope, who reports to the CFO, found out about the CFO’s call and chewed Greta out for not letting her know immediately. Greta thought she was doing Madison a favor by giving her an immediate heads up so she could fix the problem before the CFO got really angry. Greta is now kicking herself: she should have known Madison wouldn’t do anything unless the CFO or Penelope told her directly. Greta should have told Penelope and instead she’s in hot water. To make matters worse, Madison told Greta to keep out of all inventory issues because that is her department’s job. Greta is frustrated because she can’t seem to please anyone. She is trying to do the right thing – to be a supportive rather than backstabbing peer, only to have it backfire. Greta thinks maybe she should move to finance or just let Madison fail and the company get hauled before the IRS for fraudulent accounting. She doesn’t know what to do. 95. Identify Greta’s feelings and unmet needs. 96. Make a list of questions you could ask Greta to establish the focus of the conversation. EXERCISE: Establish the Focus Scenario 2 Monica is worried about her team. The only one that seems to say anything in meetings is Oscar. Several of her other direct reports have complained that Oscar can’t stop talking. Not only that, but he is dismissive of others, shooting down their ideas before they can even finish explaining them. Monica wants the meetings to be productive but is struggling with how to deal with Oscar. Clients love Oscar – even the difficult ones – and he’s a workhorse. His annual review is next week and Monica wants to raise this subject as part of the review because it is affecting the morale of the team. Monica comes to you wanting advice on how to handle the situation. 106

COACHING: Establish the Focus Step 1 97. Identify Monica’s feelings and unmet needs. 98. Make a list of questions you could use with Monica to establish the focus. EXERCISE: Coaching Practice Now it’s time to try your new skills. The next time a colleague asks for your help or advice, or comes into your office with a laundry list of complaints, Establish the Focus. This will help you to ensure that you are giving your colleague what her or she needs while you steer the conversation for maximum effectiveness and to save time. Don’t forget that you can use this step to help ensure that meetings have a purpose and accomplish what they are intended to. To prepare your “on-the-job” practice, anticipate a time when you think you’ll be asked to solve a problem. Remember, use the sample questions on page 104 to help you establish the focus. Preparation 99. When can you anticipate using Step 1: Establish the Focus to make conversations more efficient? 100. Which questions do you think will work best? Don’t worry about doing it perfectly, just try, even if you only ask one question. Post-Coaching Debrief 101. What went well? 102. What would have made it even better? 103. What other opportunities are there to Establish the Focus? 107

COACHING: Brainstorm Options Step 2 A good coach will make his players see what they can be rather than what they are. - Ara Parasheghian The purpose of Step 2 is to support the coachee in generating options. Be sure to use questions rather than giving answers and don’t settle for the first couple of options the coachee comes up with. To be most effective: ■  Suspend judgment ■  Paraphrase ■  Share personal experience as a suggestion, not advice Examples of Open-Ended Questions to Support the Coachee in Brainstorming Options ■  What could you try doing? ■  What have you seen work for others? ■  If you couldn’t fail, what would you do? ■  What has worked in the past? ■  What would your (Mentor/Hero) do? ■  What else could you do? ■  What do you hope to accomplish? ■  Have you thought about _______? TIP 142: See the Possibilities. It may be more challenging to support the coachee in seeing the possibilities for success when he or she is experiencing high stress and/or a lack of confidence. Moreover, if the coachee prefers Sensing and/or Judging, this step may be partic- ularly challenging. If you notice the former, ask what the coachee has seen work for others or what the coachee would do if he or she couldn’t fail. If the latter, you may have to offer sug- gestions to prime the pump. TIP 143: Ask and Offer Options to Shift A Negative Mindset. If a colleague has a negative view of a situation, use Step 2 to help him or her to see that “it might not be that bad.” Asking for alternative interpretations, as well as offering them, can go a long way in shifting a person’s mindset. 108

COACHING: Brainstorm Options The Z-Model Of Decision Making Carl Jung’s theory of psychological type has perception functions (Sensing and iNtuition) and judging functions (Thinking and Feeling) at its foundation. Everyone has a preference for one of each pair and typically will rely on such preferences even when use of non-preferences would be more effective. The best decisions, however, are made using all four functions. Truly good decision making follows the sequence described above – the Z-Model of Decision Making. • Sensing: taking in the facts and details and looking at past experience for insight and understanding. • iNtuition: assessing implications and themes, identifying relevant theories that will help with understanding, seeing the big picture, and generating options. • Thinking: identifying the criteria of a sound decision, analyzing the pros and cons of each option, and identifying the most logical solution based on objective standards. • Feeling: identifying the implications for the people involved, including who needs to be involved to maximize buy-in and acceptance, and clarifying which solution will have the most acceptance and ownership. TIP 144: Know Yourself. Step 2: Brainstorm Options heavily relies on iNtuition and Per- ception. Some Types may have more difficulty utilizing iNtuition and Perception, while those preferring iNtuition and/or Perception may spend what appears to be an inordinate amount of time on this Step. Knowing your own Type and that of your coachee allows you to more effectively address both your own and the coachee’s blind spots and biases. TIP 145: Be Careful When You Muse. Perceivers tend to ponder out loud. If you are a colleague’s manager, just know that thinking out loud might be mistaken for giving instruc- tion. Be sure to distinguish between brainstorming and setting goals. 109

COACHING: Brainstorm Options Step 2 EXERCISE: Brainstorm Options Scenario 3 Al manages marketing at a medium-sized auto parts supplier in the Midwest. As part of a University of Michigan alumni program, he mentors Clyde, a recent graduate of the Univer- sity of Michigan engineering school. Even though they don’t work together, Al enjoys taking Clyde to lunch and helping him make the transition from student to professional engineer. There’s just one thing, Al worries that Clyde is thin-skinned and takes everything personally. Clyde comes to Al and seems pretty upset about an email from Paul, a colleague, accusing him of keeping information to himself. He tells Al that he’s copied Paul on almost every email he’s ever sent. Clyde doesn’t understand what Paul’s problem is. He wants to email the entire team, copying the CEO, letting everyone know that Paul is a micromanaging control freak and should be fired because he can’t work with others. Clyde decides to show Al the email before he pushes send. 104. Identify Clyde’s feelings and unmet needs. 105. Prepare a list of questions that Al might ask Clyde that can help with brainstorming ad- ditional options. EXERCISE: Brainstorm Options Scenario 4 ABC Company’s CFO Penny Pincher has asked Prudence to reduce her budget by 15%, which is one manager-level headcount. Two years ago when Penny asked her to reduce budget by reducing a headcount, Prudence successfully resisted. This time it won’t work. Penny is deter- mined to show the rest of the company’s employees that cost reduction can be accomplished. Prudence did manage to negotiate leeway to be creative, however. In other words, Prudence doesn’t have to fire a manager if she can find other ways to cut costs. She truly believes that her team can’t be effective if it loses a member. Everyone is very different, with unique per- spectives, insights, and skill sets. Prudence recognizes that she can’t do this alone. She knows that cutting costs even if she preserves everyone’s job could result in some being perceived as winners and some as losers. She knows she needs everyone’s buy-in. Prudence believes that working collaboratively on the budget cuts could yield better overall results for her team and be a model for how other teams within the company cut costs – an unstated, but obvious goal for Penny. Prudence 110

COACHING: Brainstorm Options Step 2 would like to harness the team’s cognitive diversity, get their best thinking, and commitment, and prove to Penny that her team is a highly effective can-do team. 106. Identify Prudence’s feelings and unmet needs. 107. Make a list of questions Prudence could ask her team to reveal their best thinking during the brainstorming session. EXERCISE: Coaching Practice Now it’s time for you to practice supporting a colleague in generating solutions to a problem. The next time a colleague tells you about a problem, instead of giving advice, support your colleague in coming up with his or her own solutions by asking open-ended questions. Remember: ■  Your goal is to support your colleague in generating his or her own ideas for solving the problem ■  You will be most effective if you suspend judgment – in practice, this means refraining from criticizing even the most ridiculous ideas ■  Paraphrase your colleague’s ideas to be sure that you understand and help clarify your colleague’s thinking ■  Share personal experience in a way that it can be heard as merely another suggestion, not advice, especially if you are your colleague’s manager. Preparation 108. When can you anticipate using Step 2: Brainstorm Options to support others in doing their best thinking? 109. Which questions do you think will work best? Don’t worry about doing it perfectly, just try, even if you only ask one question. Post-Coaching Debrief 110. What went well? 111. What would have made it even better? 112. What other opportunities are there to support colleagues in brainstorming options? 111

COACHING: Brainstorm Options The Blend: How to Advise We know that giving someone ideas as to what they ‘should’ do and how they should ‘change’ to be more effective, often has the opposite effect. - Richard Boyatzis There are times when it’s important and appropriate to give advice. And, there are times when the advice is received better when you deliver it using a coach approach. This is because people don’t like being told what to do, or they climb the Ladder of Inference and make advice mean that you don’t (i) trust them; (ii) think they can handle it; or (iii) think they have good judgment. Tips For Giving Advice Delivering advice using a coach approach requires that you turn the advice into a suggestion. In other words, your “suggestion” is just one of many strategies the coachee could adopt. The following phrases can help you transform advice into suggestions. ■  “Another option is to . . .” ■  “I have seen Strategy A work for others.” ■  “When I was in your situation, I tried Strategy A and it worked.” ■  “Have you thought about trying Strategy A?” Caution: To be heard as suggesting rather than advising or telling: ■  Use neutral language (Win-Win, page 49) 112

COACHING: Brainstorm Options ■  Use a tone of suggestion instead of “should” (Win-Win) ■  Do not imply that your suggestion is the “right answer” or strategy TIP 146: Don’t Just Give the Answer. Not advising is difficult for many. It feels more efficient and effective to just “give the answer.” Remember, you lose the benefits of coaching by doing your coachee’s thinking. Moreover, if the strategy is yours, the strategy may not work for the coachee. Sounding neutral can be more difficult for certain Types, Extraverted Judgers especially and Judgers more generally, NT’s and any Introvert for whom Thinking Judgment or Feeling Judgment is his or her dominant function (ISTP, INTP, ISFP, INFP). Moreover, giving the answer when you are a colleague’s manager may stymie your direct report’s thinking or lead your colleague to believe that you want him or her to pursue the strategy you suggested. EXERCISE: Coaching Not Advising 112.1 Identify three areas of expertise. Your partner will beg you for advice on one of those areas. You coach (ask open-ended questions), don’t tell, advise or suggest. 113

COACHING: Create Action Plan Step 3 When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps. - Confucius The purpose of Step 3: Create Action Plan is to support the coachee - your colleague - in putting ideas into action. This is particularly important for colleagues who have difficulty sorting through the options or taking steps. Common mistakes for this step are: ■  Skipping it altogether because the steps seem obvious ■  Telling the coachee how to put his or her ideas into action because it saves time Whatever the reason you might be tempted to skip using Coaching Skills at Step 3, don’t. It’s a crucial step in the coachee’s success. This is because the efficacy of coaching depends on asking the coachee to think through the problem and devises a solution for himself or herself. Similar to the other steps of The Arudia Coaching Model, you can use this step in meetings with just one person or your entire team. And, you’ll notice that the level of detail necessary for the coachee to successfully execute the action plan will depend on a number of factors, including the coachee’s experience with the type of challenge and the coachee’s skills in planning and following the plan. The next time you notice a colleague struggling with getting started on a project or creating a plan, use open-ended questions to help your colleague sort through the options. This is a blended approach because you’re just using one step of The Arudia Coaching Model. Creating the action plan requires you ask questions that: ■  Focus on the goal and need ■  Break down into steps ■  Set a target date Examples of Open-Ended Questions to Support the Coachee in Creating the Action Plan ■  What do you want to commit to? ■  What is the first step? ■  Of these options, which is most likely to help you reach your goal? 114

COACHING: Create Action Plan ■  How can you break that option down into steps? ■  Who do you need to include to succeed? TIP 147: Develop Concrete Steps. If you or the coachee prefer Perception and one of you also prefers iNtuition, this step may be particularly challenging. Be sure to focus on de- veloping concrete steps. For example, ask the coachee to explain what he or she means if he or she suggests the development of protocols and procedures. What would this look like? What would it accomplish? TIP 148: Paralyzed by Possibility. Perceivers can suffer from paralysis by possibility. They embrace options and dislike having to choose from one of many, especially if there isn’t a clear winner, either because nothing looks good or all options are appealing. You can support a Perceiver in choosing next steps by a process of elimination. Thus, if the Perceiver generated six options, ask the Perceiver to choose from two, then the next two, and so on until you are down to one. TIP 149: The Perceiver As Coach. If you prefer perception, your natural curiosity will likely help you generate good questions. On the other hand, creating the plan – nailing down what by when – can be a challenge and require little flexing to Judging. TIP 150: Establish Milestones. Everyone, but especially Perceivers, benefit from breaking big projects into phases and then setting milestones. Bite-sizing makes the “planning” less overwhelming and more manageable. EXERCISE: Coaching Practice Next time you notice a colleague struggling with getting started on a project or creating a plan, use open-ended questions to help your colleague sort through the options. Preparation 113. When can you anticipate using Step 3: Create Action Plan to support others in moving forward? Think about the meetings you attend. Is there an opportunity to clarify the plan by asking questions? 114. Which questions do you think will work best? Don’t worry about doing it perfectly, just try, even if you only ask one question. Post-Coaching Debrief 115. What went well? 116. What would have made it even better? 117. What other opportunities are there to support colleagues in creating their action plans? 115

COACHING: Remove Obstacles Step 4 Don’t stop at the first obstacle; have endurance to keep on going and you will succeed. - Robert A. Schuller The purpose of this step is to support your colleague in anticipating and developing a strategy for dealing with obstacles so that he or she is able to successfully execute the plan created in Step 3. While this step is critical to success, it’s often forgotten. Merely asking, “What might get in the way of your success?” shifts the conversation to focusing on potential obstacles and necessary resources. This step is critical especially if the coachee procrastinates, or has experienced difficulties in completing work or keeping on track with a plan, and the like. Likewise, If the coachee lacks the confidence in his or her ability to achieve success, spend time on removing obstacles so that the coachee has a plan for what unnerves him or her. And, as a consequence of the Step 4 inquiry, the coachee may discover that his or her plan won’t work or needs modifying. Not to worry, this is precisely why Step 4 is necessary and why The Arudia Coaching Model is circular - problem solving doesn’t always occur in a straight line! At Step 4: Remove Obstacles, you will: ■  Clarify actions needed to remove obstacles ■  Explore resource needs ■  State support for your colleague ■  Acknowledge the colleague’s feelings and needs TIP 151: Overcome Challenges. Fully exploring this step is critical in supporting a coachee who has a recurring or persistent challenge. Examples of Open-Ended Questions to Support the Coachee in Removing Obstacles ■  What might stop you/has stopped you in the past? ■  What concerns you most? ■  What feels like the most challenging part? ■  Who do you need to talk to? ■  What resources do you need? 116

COACHING: Remove Obstacles ■  What else do you need? ■  What do you need from me/the organization? TIP 152: Provide a Scale. If you sense the coachee is not confident about the likelihood of success, use scaling. Ask the coachee: “On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being ‘can’t fail,’ how confident are you of succeeding?” You can then ask the coachee what he or she could do to move the likelihood up one or two points. Examples of Obstacles in the Workplace There are a number of obstacles to success in the workplace. The obstacles often relate to structure, hierarchy, and leadership in the organization. ■  Time constraints ■  Competing workload ■  Insufficient face time with leaders ■  Lack of clarity regarding ultimate goals and needs and other communication challenges ■  Conflicting goals ■  Concerns regarding what is appropriate to say or do given level of seniority ■  Lack of resources or authority necessary to bring work to completion ■  Silos Examples of Personal Obstacles There are a number of personal obstacles that can interfere with success in the workplace. The obstacles often relate to mindset, ability and skill level, and personal matters. ■  Fear of failure or doing it wrong ■  New to organization and wishing to tread lightly ■  Over-confident ■  Over-zealous ■  Taking on too much ■  Change in family or personal circumstances What other workplace or personal obstacles can you think of? TIP 153: Adopt a New Mindset. A coachee’s mindset is often the coachee’s most debil- itating obstacle. The coach can explore mindset by asking, for example, “What mindset could you adopt that would increase the likelihood of success? Or, “What are you telling yourself [about this particular issue]?” If the coachee believes he or she will fail or that the boss won’t support him or her, the coachee may not take the actions necessary to succeed or garner the necessary support. Identify mindset and belief about what is so. Ask the coachee to separate fact from inference. See page 51 regarding the Ladder of Inference. 117

COACHING: Remove Obstacles Step 4 TIP 154: Remove Obstacles To Ensure Timely Work Product. To avoid the unhappy surprise of late work product, use Step 4: Remove Obstacles, when delegating work. Ask your colleague what might get in the way of completing the project on time. Especially if your colleague has many bosses, make it clear that you are asking to be supportive and then work with your colleague’s other bosses to prioritize the work. EXERCISE: Coaching Practice Next time you notice a colleague struggling with taking concrete steps in a plan, use open-end- ed questions to support your colleague identifying what’s getting in the way and what to do about it. Preparation 118. When can you anticipate using Step 4: Remove Obstacles to support colleagues in dealing with challenges in implementing a plan? Who do you work with that experiences chronic challenges? 119. Which questions do you think will work best? Don’t worry about doing it perfectly, just try, even if you only ask one question. Post-Coaching Debrief 120. What went well? 121. What would have made it even better? 122. What other opportunities are there to support others in removing obstacles? 118

COACHING: Review and Commit Step 5 Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes... But no plans. - Peter Drucker The purpose of Step 5: Review & Commit is to ensure that your colleague or colleagues (if you are using this step in a meeting) know what to do by when. Here’s where you: ■  Ask your colleague - the coachee - to review and commit to actions ■  Reiterate your support, especially if you are the coachee’s manager or have a role in executing the plan ■  Establish when and how the coachee will follow up with you As with every other step of the model, use open-ended solution-focused questions and offer advice in the form of suggestion or questions. Remember, the reason coaching is so effective in putting ideas into action is precisely because the coachee generates the solution that will work best for him or her. TIP 155: Use Open-Ended Questions. This step is particularly important when working with a coachee who does not take responsibility for his or her actions and outcomes. Do not review and commit for the coachee; you are not helping him or her. You must continue to use open-ended questions, even at this stage. TIP 156: Empowerment of Accountability. Be sure to use questions to establish how the coachee wants to be supported in being accountable. This may require a shift to a positive, empowering view of accountability. When you do follow up, focus accountability on identi- fying what worked, what didn’t, and what you or the coachee could do differently next time to ensure success. For example, did you need to clarify priorities? Did the coachee need to engage others or start earlier on the project? Examples of Open-Ended Questions to Support the Coachee in Reviewing and Committing ■  What will you do? By when? ■  What is your takeaway? ■  Please summarize your action plan. ■  How would you like to follow up with me? ■  How can I support you in being accountable? ■  I will support you by … 119

COACHING: Review and Commit Step 5 EXERCISE: Coaching Practice Next time you get to the end of a conversation or meeting and have the feeling that your colleague or colleagues don’t quite know what concrete actions they are going to take by when, use open-ended questions to help your colleague review and commit to the action plan. Preparation 123. When can you anticipate using Step 5: Review & Commit to support others committing to taking the necessary steps? Think about the meetings you attend. Is there an oppor- tunity to clarify who does what by asking questions? 124. Which questions do you think will work best? Don’t worry about doing it perfectly, just try, even if you only ask one question. Post-Coaching Debrief 125. What went well? 126. What would have made it even better? 127. What other opportunities are there to support colleagues in creating their action plans? 120

COACHING: Follow Up A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment. - John Wooden Especially if you are a manager, follow up is important. In Step 5: Review & Commit, you and your colleague - the coachee - establish accountability, that is, when and how any follow up will occur. During follow up, your colleague ■  Reports results ■  States what worked well, what didn’t, and key learnings ■  Identifies what could be done differently to improve results and ■  The coaching process begins again as needed Examples of Open-Ended Questions Used to Support the Coachee in Following Up ■  Tell me how it went! ■  What did you learn? ■  What worked? ■  What could you have done differently? ■  What are the opportunities for improvement? ■  What stopped you? ■  Great job! ■  How are you going to celebrate? ■  What lessons did you learn? ■  What insights did you get and how will you use them in the future? 121

COACHING: Follow Up EXERCISE: Coaching Practice When you are following up with a colleague, especially if that person is a direct report, try the coach approach. Use questions to discern what worked well, what would have made it even better, and what your colleague could do differently the next time. The point is to learn. Preparation 128. When can you anticipate using the foregoing questions to Follow Up? Post-Coaching Debrief Coach, Person-Being Coached, and Observer (in that order) debrief the coaching experience using questions 129-131 below. 129. What went well? 130. What would have made it even better? 131. What other opportunities are there to offer support through coaching? Refer to page 133 to complete your Win-Win and Coaching Action Plan. 122

COACHING: Give Productive Feedback Give Productive Feedback Mistakes should be examined, learned from, and discarded; not dwelled upon and stored. - Tim Fargo Many find giving feedback challenging because of concern over how the person receiving the feedback will react to what might be perceived as negative. Both the skills you learned in the Win-Win Conversation and Coaching Skills can be extremely useful. Prepare ■  Use Win-Win Awareness of Others to anticipate how the other person may react to the feedback. ■  Review Deal with Defensiveness (p. 72). You know your colleague – will any of these apply? In particular, it is helpful to “frame” the conversation with your commitment to your colleague’s professional development, success, and work relationship. ■  Here’s where Win-Win and Coaching Skills merge: Identify what you need from the con- versation and use this to Establish the Focus (Step 1 of Coaching Skills). ■  Identify your feelings, especially if you have strong ones. You want to be sure that your own upset, frustration, or anger don’t drive the conversation. Having identified your feelings and the unmet need that triggered those feelings, choose how you will deal with them. Will you share them with the other person? Will you acknowledge them to yourself and focus solely on your goals? Have the Conversation ■  Frame the conversation with your commitment to the person’s growth and success. ■  Be ready to employ other strategies for dealing with defensiveness at any time. ■  Utilize Awareness of Others when appropriate. For example, your colleague may be frustrated or upset because he or she needed support from another department. Ac- knowledging that you understand his or her feelings and needs will deal with any defensiveness and keep the focus on resolving the issue. ■  Use all five steps of The Coaching Model with an important modification: You Establish the Focus of the conversation (Step 1). You will have prepared this in advance. Don’t “wing it.” Be sure to begin the feedback by stating: •  The Topic: Briefly describe the behavior or concern at issue; use Win-Win Step 1: State the Facts and state the facts neutrally, without editorializing; •  The Goal: Identify what you would like to be different; and •  The Takeaway: What you would like the conversation to accomplish; this will likely be a strategy for resolving the issues. 123

COACHING: Filters ■  Next, utilize The Arudia Coaching Model Step 2: Brainstorm Options. Shift back into the coach role, asking questions to elicit your colleague’s best thinking on how to resolve the problem. Only offer suggestions if he or she is really stuck or after a few ideas have been generated. Remember, by giving a solution, you let your colleague off the hook and potentially avoid responsibility. Moreover, your solution may not work for him or her. Be patient and support your colleague in developing a solution that will work. ■  Still in the coach role, support your colleague using The Arudia Coaching Model Step 3: Create A Plan. This is especially important if he or she has difficulty getting started on projects or is easily derailed. ■  Especially if this issue has challenged your colleague repeatedly, be sure to utilize The Arudia Coaching Model Step 4: Remove Obstacles. Ask about necessary resources, who else needs to be involved in the process, and what is needed from you. ■  Finally, utilize The Arudia Coaching Model Step 5: Review & Commit. Ask your colleague what will be done by when or what will be done differently next time. Reiterate your support and be positive. TIP 157: When Colleagues Fight. When colleagues are fighting – not disagreeing re- spectfully about the issue, but actually making the disagreement personal – it can be hard on both their manager and peers. It’s a sensitive situation because you don’t want to be perceived as taking sides, yet want disagreement resolved ASAP. In general, you want to encourage them to work it out. If one of them comes to you, express empathy – that you know it’s difficult – but don’t take sides; allow the person to vent; and focus on problem-solving together. Use coaching to support the person devising a strategy for addressing the problem. Be careful not to give advice or try to play peacekeeper if you don’t have the skill and the time. TIP 158: Is The Person Truly An Underperformer? Managers often give up on people they’ve deemed underperformers. Before giving up, ask yourself whether you are making the best use of the person’s skill set. Is this the right job for him or her? Are you giving the person the right kind of support and guidance? Discretely talk to former managers. Then use Coaching Skills to help the person identify the strategies for being successful in this or another job. If the person is coachable – open to making changes – you’ve got hope! 124

COACHING: Filters Filters When someone thinks differently or raises concerns you hadn’t considered, don’t dismiss them. Isn’t it better to spend a little time gaining understanding than run the risk of making a terrible mistake? - Anne Collier Read the following: Aoccdrnig to a rseearch sduty at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltters in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs praapragh is an emaplxe of how our biran froms hrad-wreid conetincons taht act as srhot cuts and ebnlae us to tinhk faetsr. We all see tghins deferlintfy, bsaed on our life exeienepce. Waht srhot cuts deos yuor bairn tkae?2 Our brains process so much information every second of every minute that we need to use filters. In other words, without consciously thinking, we aggregate information and “make it mean” something; In this case our brains filtered the misspelled words. We need to climb up that Ladder of Inference (page 51) rather than analyze every bit of data we perceive. Because of our hardwiring and experiences, we all have filters that affect our perceptions of the world, and of people. The more aware we are of our filters, the more successful we can be in eliminating the biases they create. It’s like finding out that you are wearing red-tint- ed glasses. All of a sudden you’d realize that the world is not as red as you have always perceived it to be. You now consider the effects of the glasses on your perceptions, thereby reducing misperceptions. TIP 159: Filters Influence Behavior. When we see another behave in a certain way, we often attribute our own motives to the other person. A person’s filters – how that person sees the world – affect the motives underlying the person’s behavior (see page 53). Thus, when you are considering the reasons underlying a person’s behavior, think about that person’s Type, generation, culture, and other possible filters. It will likely help you discern a motive that is both positive and makes more sense in the context of the situation. What Are Some Filters? There are many filters that can act as red sunglasses. Here are a few: ■  Personality Type/Temperament ■  Creativity Style (Kirton Adaption-Innovation Inventory) ■  Culture ■  Generation 2 Above mentioned study by Rawlinson, G. E. (1976) The significance of letter position in word recognition. Un- published PhD Thesis, Psychology Department, University of Nottingham, Nottingham UK. 125

COACHING: Filters Temperament3 Let’s take a look at one filter: Temperament. Temperament is a personality assessment tool we use to simplify Type. Even if you don’t know your Type or that of your colleagues, you’ll likely recognize yourself and colleagues in the descriptions below. While reading the description, consider the kinds of filters each Temperament might have and how these filters might affect not only perceptions of information, but feelings, needs, and priorities. The Stabilizers (SJ) Stabilizers are driven by personal responsibility and a sense of moral and societal obligation that they assign to themselves and others. They place faith and trust in established institutions, traditions, procedures and chains of command, and find meaning and identity within these systems. Dependable, planned, detail-oriented, painstakingly thorough, they value order and tend to believe there is one right way to do things. They are often pillars of society who take a conservative approach to problem-solving. Somewhat impatient with people, they are patient with the system and prefer that which is stable, consistent and time-tested. The Activators (SP) Activators are driven by a desire to be in action in the moment and are spontaneous, practical, flexible, and fun loving. With a keen ability to act and adapt in the moment, they are resource- ful troubleshooters and negotiators. Prone to boredom, Activators are likely to feel trapped by instruction manuals and procedures, and are highly adept at using their wits and hands-on dexterity to find practical, immediate solutions to all types of problems. Attuned to the present reality and rarely fighting it, Activators seek practical, first-hand experience and knowledge. The Intellectualizers (NT) Intellectualizers hunger for competency and knowledge in themselves and others, and see life as a system to be designed and redesigned. They are responsive to possibilities, change and new ideas, and think in a way that is complex, conceptual, abstract and big-picture. Intellectu- alizers challenge themselves and others. In their motivation to learn more about the complex workings of any system, and to find the best possible solution, they are especially likely to challenge authority and established modes of operation. Analytical, systematic and driven to ask why, they speak clearly, write precisely, and avoid redundancy wherever possible. The Developers (NF) Developers hunger for meaning, authenticity and connection, and see life as full of possibilities for human development. Attuned to people’s underlying motivations and feelings, and to in- terpersonal group dynamics, Developers can be very persuasive, inspirational, and affirming. They strive to live in harmony, both with other people and their own internal sense of values, and are driven to help and support others and/or a cause. They tend to be empathetic and accommodating, unless their values are upset, disregarded or denied. Finding conflict to be taxing and stressful, Developers energetically seek to resolve it or avoid it. 3 Personality type descriptions are drawn from David Keirsey’s Please Understand Me II (Keirsey, 1998) and Type Talk at Work, (Kroeger, Thuesen, Rutledge, 2001) as well as the author’s observation. 126

THE ARUDIA COACHING MODEL Coaching And Personality Type 132. How do you want to be coached? 133. What are your strengths as a coach? 134. What are your blind spots or biases as a coach? 135. What can you do to compensate for the blind spots or biases so that you are more effective? 136. What can you do to ensure that you are open and able to hear expressed feelings, needs, and goals? Summary In research conducted over the past three years we’ve found the leaders who have the best coaching skills have better business results. - VP, Global Executive and Organizational Development at IBM When And Where To Use Coaching Skills Use Arudia Coaching Skills to better engage, support, collaborate, and lead. In particular, Coaching Skills enable you to more effectively lead meetings, support colleagues in solving problems, and gain clarity about what colleagues need from you or others. Coaching Skills harness the power of questions to lead, collaborate, and devise creative solutions; coaching requires the use of open-ended questions to elicit the coachee’s best thinking by en- couraging a full, meaningful answer based on the coachee’s own knowledge. Coaching is a partnership between you and the coachee and, at it’s foundation, presumes that the coachee is the expert in his or her own situation and that the coaching process reveals the coachee’s best thinking. Thus, regardless of whether or who you lead, using Coaching Skills will support you in being more effective and less stressed because you will be collaborating and harnessing colleagues’ best thinking, 360 degrees. In striving for more effective communication, remember that “it’s a dance . . .” “It” – human in- teraction and conversation – are often neither predictable nor linear so use all the tools in your toolbox flexibly and deliberately to yield the best results. Your tools include Telling, Win-Win, and Coaching Skills; in selecting a tool, keep in mind that: ■  Especially if you are your colleague’s manager, Telling is the appropriate tool for commu- nicating expectations, needs, goals, and new information; ■  Win-Win is best for identifying both your and your colleague’s needs as a precursor to 127

THE ARUDIA COACHING MODEL meeting those needs, especially in difficult situations in which your own needs appear to be in opposition to the needs of your colleague; ■  Coaching Skills are best for collaboratively solving problems, supporting a colleague’s best thinking, and engaging and empowering others; and ■  Between pure Telling and pure Asking (Coaching Skills) are tools that vary in degree to which they direct the other person. Consider when you would be more effective - meaning the message is truly received and considered - if, rather than directly Tell, you deliver your message as advice, guidance, or as a suggestion. Telling, Win-Win, and Coaching Skills are all valuable tools for leading, collaborating, and solving problems. Your choice of tool depends on your assessment of the pros and cons of using each tool and your goals for the conversation. Coaching Mindset Regardless of which tool you elect to use at any given moment, we recommend that you adopt a coaching mindset. This means being ■  Curious not judgmental ■  Patient so that your colleague has time to process information and truly collaborate ■  Being open to and interested in what’s important to the coachee and the coachee’s ideas and concerns Don’t forget to listen for the essence – meaning listen for what’s really going on, underneath any anger, frustration, upset, or rambling. This means you’ll be listening for: ■  What: Core content, which is what’s going on, underneath it all; the source of the dis- comfort ■  Who: Core values and beliefs about self, the situation, and what’s possible ■  Where: Vision about the future and goals Summary Of The Coaching Model The Coaching Model includes five steps: Step 1: Establish the Focus - Ask open-ended questions to support the coachee in focusing on a topic, his or her goals, and what he or she would like to get from the conversation with you. Use Step 1 to clarify the goals for a conversation or lead a meeting. Don’t forget that when you want to raise an issue for which you don’t have a solution, e.g., giving constructive feedback, you can state the focus (Tell) and then move to coaching questions for the remainder of the conversation. 128

THE ARUDIA COACHING MODEL Step 2: Brainstorm Options - Ask open-ended questions to support the coachee in brain- storming options to resolve the topic and achieve the goal identified in Step 1. Ask a lot of questions because sometimes the first idea isn’t the best. If the coachee is disheartened or lacks confidence, you may have to prime the pump by suggesting solutions. And, remember that you can offer advice in the form of a suggestion so that the coachee doesn’t feel compelled to act on your solution because, for example, you are the coachee’s manager. Step 3: Create Action Plan - Ask open-ended questions to support the coachee in devel- oping his or her action plan. This step is particularly important for coachees who get lost in the execution of a plan. Use questions so that the coachee thinks through the individual steps, what comes first, and the necessary intermediate deadlines. Remember that coaching is sup- portive so if the coachee needs help in breaking down a strategy into individual steps, you are not nagging. Step 4: Remove Obstacles - Ask open-ended questions to support the coachee in iden- tifying challenges to successfully execute the plan created in Step 3. Don’t forget to ask the coachee what might get in the way of success, especially if the coachee has struggled with the issues. Here is where you support the coachee in devising a strategy for dealing with those barriers and identifying the resources necessary for success. Note that if the barriers are insur- mountable you might head back to Step 2: Brainstorm Options. Step 5: Review & Commit - Ask open-ended questions to support the coachee in reviewing and committing to what he or she will do by when. This is the most forgotten step; don’t forget to ask questions here! And, use this step anytime you are in a meeting to support everyone in clarifying what you will do by when. Ask open-ended questions to support the coachee in establishing a process for follow up so that the conversation can continue. Follow Up - Ask open-ended questions to support the coachee in establishing what worked, what didn’t, and what would have made it even better. In this manner, accountability is a positive, supportive experience. Finally, don’t forget to use The Coaching Model in full or in part, along with other tools, so that you have actionable approaches to resolve people problems. Consider this: how will taking a “coach approach” benefit you and your organization? It’s been an honor to share Coaching Skills with you; good luck! 129

WORKSHEETS Worksheets 130

WORKSHEETS The Arudia Collaborative Approach Worksheet Create The Plan The Team Name Phone Number Email Address The Goal 1. How will you know you have been successful? 2. What needs to happen for you to achieve your goal? What do you need, who will be responsible for specific tasks and by when? 131

WORKSHEETS Resources The Team By When Member(s) The Task 3. What resources do you need? E.g., computer, meeting space, paper, pens, projector, screen. 4. What challenges might you face in achieving your goal? 5. What could you do to overcome these challenges? 132

WORKSHEETS Win-Win and Coaching Action Plan TIP 160: Trust the Process. You have learned Win-Win and Coaching Skills, which can greatly improve your overall effectiveness and satisfaction in the workplace. It is important to begin using these skills immediately, so that they become tools you can use with ease. Remember, using a new skill can feel awkward. This does not mean anything other than you are using a new skill. Be tenacious and trust the process. You will be more effective. 1. As a result of learning Win-Win and Coaching Skills, what will you commit to do different- ly? Identify at least two ways you will apply Win-Win and Coaching Skills immediately. 2. What will the impact be? 3. What challenges might you need to overcome? 4. What could you do to overcome these challenges? 133

WORKSHEETS “The goal of coaching is the goal of good management: to make the most of an organization’s valuable resources.” - Harvard Business Review 5. How will utilizing Win-Win benefit your organization? 6. How will taking a “coach approach” benefit your organization? 134

WORKSHEETS Win-Win Pre-Work 1. Briefly describe two situations in which something happened to you that you did not like. 2. Think of two situations, one when a need was met and one when a need was unmet. 3. Identify three situations that you are willing to share, in which you want to make a request of someone and it’s an uncomfortable situation. For example, you think the other person will be defensive. 135

WORKSHEETS Coaching Pre-Work To prepare for your upcoming Coaching Skills workshop, please list at least five situations from the past or present which are not yet fully resolved. Please select situations about which you would benefit from having a fellow participant utilize Coaching Skills, i.e., ask you insightful questions that cause you to do your best thinking, so that you are able to resolve the situations. You will not be required to share this worksheet or present the situations in a group. Instead, you will use this as a resource to recall real situations for use during exercises at the workshop. Thus, you must be comfortable sharing the situations with one person. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 136