Sample with PubHTML5

WORKSHEETS Coaching Feedback 1. What did the coach do well? 2. What would have made the coaching session even better? 3. How did the coachee benefit from being coached? 137

WORKSHEETS Coaching Feedback 1. What did the coach do well? 2. What would have made the coaching session even better? 3. How did the coachee benefit from being coached? 138

WORKSHEETS Lead, Manage, and Collaborate with Style Learning Collaborative Management Academy 139

WORKSHEETS Understanding andSLtyelveeMraagttinergsCognitive Diversity Implications of KAI Preference in the Workplace Your Cognitive Style 1. List the important responsibilities in your work that you find (i) relatively easy and (ii) relatively difficult. 2. How do you leverage the results of what you find easy? How do your team members and clients benefit? 3. How do you cope with aspects of your work that you find difficult? In other words, what strategies have you adopted to ensure that these challenges don’t derail you? 4. What is it like to collaborate with colleagues with a similar thinking style? 5. Collaboration with colleagues who have different thinking styles: a. What is it like when the colleague is more structured (more adaptive)? b. What is it like when the colleague is less structured (more innovative)? 140

WORKSHEETS 6. What are examples of Adaption-Innovation (“A-I”) Theory in action in your personal or professional life? 7. What strategies have you adopted to work more effectively with colleagues and clients? 8. How does your A-I preference influence the type of change or problem solving you like to promote or accept, as the case may be? 9. What are your key insights about yourself, your role in your organization, and your colleagues? 10. What are your key insights about yourself in problem-solving situations? 11. What opportunities are there to apply what you’ve learned about yourself? 141

WORKSHEETS Cognitive Climate 12. How do you describe the cognitive climate in your team? 13. How do you describe the cognitive climate in your part of the organization? 14. How do you describe the cognitive climate in other groups/teams/areas of the organization? 15. How do you describe the cognitive climate of your various clients (including internal clients)? 16. What are the implications of the similarities or differences in cognitive climates? 17. Where has your organization invested in change? 18. Was it more radical or more evolutionary in nature? 19. What are the opportunities to apply what you have learned to changes you are currently facing in the organization? 142

WORKSHEETS Your Team 20. What are your team’s strengths? 21. What are your team’s opportunities for improvement? 22. What is unique about your team? 23. What could the team do to become even more effective as a problem-solving team? 24. What could you do to make this team more effective as a problem-solving team? Flexing Your Style 25. What could you do to work more effectively with colleagues? 26. What does coping to work with a colleague look like for you? 27. When do you need to flex to support others in reaching goals? 28. After having considered the foregoing, what are you going to do differently? 143

WORKSHEETS 114444

WORKSHEETS Upgrade Your Personal Operating System Learning Collaborative Management Academy 145

WORKSHEETS Actualized Leader Worksheet Part 1: Leadership, Resilience, and Well-Being Summary Table Leadership Style Strengths Shadow Behaviors Self-Actualized Achiever Organized Micromanager Detailed and Detail-oriented Tedious and cautious conceptual Motive: Achievement Structured Perfectionist Fear: Failure Thorough Critical Organized and Antidote: Abundance Analytical Narrow-minded flexible Affirmer Friendly Avoids conflict and Friendly and Helpful confrontation courageous Trusting of others Indecisive Motive: Affiliation and trustworthy Devalues own needs and Fear: Rejection Humble wants Empathetic and Antidote: Connection Altruistic Sensitive and emotional candid Asserter Confident Controlling Confident and Decisive Arrogant humble Motive: Power Competitive Impatient Fear: Betrayal Courageous Condescending Competitive and Antidote: Assurance Strategic Manipulative caring Step 1: Your Leadership Style 1. Go to www.alpfree.com/arudia/ to determine your primary leadership style or refer to page 6 of your full report. Circle your primary style: Achiever, Affirmer, Asserter. 2. Which strengths do you use on a regular basis? 3. Consider strengths from each leadership style (see table above). Add any other strengths you can identify; consider what colleagues appreciate most about you. 146

WORKSHEETS Step 2: Identifying Your Stresses What Stresses You Out? Fear Plan 1. Step 3; Q8 Step5; Question 22 2. 3. 4. 5. Step 3: The Penumbra: Identifying When You Are About To Step In It The goal of this exercise is to help you identify when you are at the penumbra, which is the very edge of the shadow. Without awareness, we can’t stay out or step out of the shadow. 4. My Primary Shadow and Underlying Fear is: Failure, Rejection, or Betrayal (circle one). 5. The fear I experience most in my work is: 6. What are the first signs you are getting stressed? Think broadly; it may not be obvious at first. Consider the behaviors indicated in the Shadow: At Your Worst, Disempowered, Irrational columns on the next page. 147

WORKSHEETS 7. Consider the shadows below. Remember, At Your Best, Empowered reflects a person on a good day. It also describes a highly self-actualized person, even when potentially stressful triggers are present. Circle the words in the Shadow: At Your Worst, Disempowered, Irrational columns that describe you when you are stressed, or stepping into the shadow. Affirmer Shadow: Fear of Rejection (Needy) Triggers: Prospect of Conflict, Hurting Other’s Feelings, Making Others Angry (Antidote: Connection) At Your Best, Empowered Shadow: At Your Worst, Disempowered, Irrational Friendly Sensitive Dependent Generous Insecure Possessive Loyal Indecisive Anxious Empathetic Complacent Jealous Helpful Accommodating Naive Asserter Shadow: Fear of Betrayal (Bully or Controlling) Triggers: Vulnerability, Asking Forgiveness, “I Don’t Know” (Antidote: Assurance) At Your Best, Empowered Shadow: At Your Worst, Disempowered, Irrational Confident Arrogant Autocratic Decisive Impatient Manipulative Competitive Condescending Rude Candid Blunt Intolerant Courageous Domineering Belligerent Achiever Shadow: Fear of Failure (Micromanager) Triggers: Scarcity, Prospect of Losing, Imperfection, Ambiguity (Antidote: Abundance) At Your Best, Empowered Shadow: At Your Worst, Disempowered, Irrational Detailed Rigid Narrow-Minded Organized Cautious Inflexible Structured Tedious Obsessive Thorough Stubborn Argumentative Serious Critical Pessimistic 8. Go to the table in Step 2 and identify which of your fears trigger the stress identified in the first column. More than one fear can be triggered at a time. Remember, if you judge yourself to be rejected, betrayed, or that you are failing, you are in your shadow. 148

WORKSHEETS Step 4: Don’t Believe Everything You Think 9. Consider your Primary Motive Driver: Affiliation, Power, or Achievement, and your shadow and underlying Fear ______________ (of Failure, Rejection, or Betrayal) from Step 2. 10. What are some examples of how your leadership shadow shows up in your work or personal life? Consider behaviors that may be self-defeating, interfering with the delivery of quality service, and frustrating your well-being and efficacy. 11. What are your feared worst-case scenarios related to these examples? Examples include letting someone down, not figuring something out, and outright failing. 12. What are the irrational thoughts, self-limiting beliefs, or unfounded fears that feed into these fears? 13. List what’s at risk for you (e.g., relationships, effective teamwork, career). Consider how your shadow behaviors interfere with your happiness and goals. 14. What is the impact on you of operating in your shadow? 15. What is the impact on your colleagues of you operating in your shadow? 16. How would you be a better colleague by recognizing and reducing the frequency, duration, and potency of shadow experiences? 17. What would life be like if you were able to (i) distinguish your shadow from what’s actually happening and (ii) act accordingly? How do you want to operate when the going gets rough? 18. What would life be like if you were able to recognize when others are in their shadow and hand them a flashlight? 149

WORKSHEETS Actualized Leader Profile – Nine Attributes Worksheet Confidence 1. I decide with my heart or head. (Objectivity) | | Heart Head 2. I do what I need to do, even if it scares me. (Courage) | | Never Often 3. I readily give constructive feedback. (Candor) | | Never Often Performance 4. I don’t try to multi-task. (Hyperfocus) | | False True 5. I trust others to do their job and support me. (Trust) | | Never Often 6. I lose track of time when I’m ‘in the zone.’ (Flow) | | Never Often Renewal 7. I’m mostly focused on the present and rarely worry or have regrets. (Optimal Time Orientation) | | Never Often 8. I accept myself, strengths, weaknesses, and even the aging process. (Acceptance) | | Never Often 9. I get enough time to myself to recharge and plan. (Solitude) | | Never Often 150

WORKSHEETS Step 5: Stepping Into the Light The goal of this exercise is to help you identify strategies for stepping out of the shadow. Consider using your stronger attributes and improving the attributes in need of development to (i) improve your resilience and (ii) reduce your reactivity so that you experience less stress. You will have fewer expressions of fears such as: (i) micromanagement (Fear of Failure), (ii) by being so sensitive that your colleagues can’t be straight with you and you aren’t straight with them (Fear of Rejection), and (iii) by being manipulative or intimidating so that colleagues fear making the wrong decision (Fear of Betrayal). Level Sequence Cognition Emotion Behavior Confidence Objective Courage Candor Judgment is based on the Willing to do something Open, honest, frank, and facts of a situation and is frightening and act in sincere in your communi- not influenced by personal accordance with beliefs, cations, especially when feelings or preferences. judgments, and convic- providing feedback. Tip: Practice describing situ- tions. Tip: Consider the Tip: Use neutral, factual ations factually and without worst that might happen. language when giving judgment. Avoid adjectives. What will happen if you what might be perceived Notice your assumptions; don’t take action? Consider as negative feedback; distinguish both implicit how you’d like to be as a frame feedback in your and explicit assumptions leader and which action commitment to the from what happened. furthers that vision. person’s development or service to clients. Performance Hyperfocus Trust Flow Engage in an intense Trust and thus be willing Consistent engagement mental concentration or to develop and maintain in peak performance visualization focused on a a confident expecta- working on challenging subject or activity, allowing tion in the reliability, tasks where you become you to be more immersed integrity, and capability so engaged that you lose in the task-at-hand. Tip: of others. Tip: Ensure that track of time. You are “in Stop kidding yourself. expectations are clear, the zone.” Tip: Turn off You aren’t multi-tasking; set milestones, and use email, phone, computer’s you’re multi-switching. Coaching Skills to ensure volume and work on a Work for 15 minutes on a that your colleague has project until you’re out project without distraction, identified and addressed of ideas; switch to the decide if you’ll continue. obstacles to success. next project and repeat. Renewal Optimal Time Orientation Acceptance Solitude You live primarily in You completely accept Comfortable being alone, the present. Tip: Listen, yourself – flaws, limita- and cherish rather than focus on the core tions, the aging process avoid this time. You message and the person’s - and embrace your reality, don’t passively pass feelings and needs. not fighting, ignoring, or the time; you actively When you are distract- denying it. Tip: Choose plan, reflect, and renew. ed by the thought of a to enjoy life, flaws and Tip: Use alone time to task, record it and then all. Think about all you actively plan, reflect, continue working. have to be grateful for. renew. Enjoy activities: exercise, read, or cook. 151

WORKSHEETS 19. List your three strongest attributes and how you use them in your work: a. b. c. 20. List the three attributes requiring the most development, and how developing these attributes will improve your wellbeing, resilience, and work: a. b. c. 21. I commit to improving at least one attribute; the one that will help me stay out of my shadow is____________________. These are the steps I will take to develop this attribute. 22. Create a plan for stepping out of the shadow and back into the light. This plan will work best if you leverage your stronger attributes as you work on those requiring development. Complete the last column of the table in Step 2. Don’t forget to refer to your ALP Report, Nine Attributes Resource Guide, 20 Suggestions for Improving Self Actualization, and Anne’s articles entitled, Embrace and Improve Your Leadership Style, Supercharging Your Firm’s Culture: From Stressed to Resilient, and How to Prevent the Fear of Failure from Derailing Success. 152

WORKSHEETS Part 2: Translating Individual Behavior into Culture Summary Table A team’s culture is its personality and the collective emotionality of its members. Team members’ shadows create the culture. The leader’s (or team members’) ability to manage their own shadows is most determinative of the team’s culture. Culture Description Transforming to Dynamic Detached Delays making commitments or 1. Realize that surface problems are often Underlying Emotion: difficult decisions. symptomatic of the real underlying issue(s). Anger & Apathy Some team members 2. Allow to acknowledge anger. don’t participate. 3. Resolve issues of power, authority, Fear of Failure Shadow Physical and psychological and responsibility. withdrawal. 4. Develop and implement team Lacks an overall sense of decision-making processes that seek “us” or “we” or “team”. input and consensus. Greater focus on 5. Encourage participation from all individual agendas. members to develop or revise the group’s charter or mission. Dramatic Norm of politeness. 1. Provide honest, critical feedback. Underlying Emotion: Warm, friendly atmosphere. 2. Address poor performance, Frustration & Despair unrealistic expectations, or obvious problems. Fear of Rejection Shadow Looks to the future for salvation. 3. Set challenging performance goals and standards. Differences “smoothed over” 4. Appoint individual members to rather than resolved. serve as “Devil’s Advocate” to critique the team’s performance, Lacks candor and direct plans and decisions. communication. 5. Encourage expression of concerns, doubts or criticism. Dependent Members look to leader for 1. Provide clear direction and purpose. direction and protection, and 2. Involve members in develop- Underlying Emotion: expect others to run meetings ing specific performance goals. Fear & Anxiety and complete tasks. 3. Provide members with enough information to move from Fear of Betrayal Shadow An over-reliance on the dependence to interdependence. opinions of a few select 4. Allow members to clarify and team members. communicate their roles and expectations to the entire team. Lack of challenging 5. Develop a “Responsibility Grid” that assumptions/solutions. clearly indicates member responsibility. 153

WORKSHEETS Dynamic Open, honest, and direct 1. Protect the team from too many external distractions or influences. Underlying Emotion: communication. 2. Celebrate team successes and achievements. Passion & Authenticity Objective & responsible 3. Provide ongoing per- formance feedback. Members seek relevant in- 4. Provide necessary resources for the group to perform at optimal levels. formation and encourage 5. Stay out of the way! Do not attempt to micromanage. diverse opinions. High degree of trust and mutual respect. Resilient and optimistic. Five Dimensions of Team Performance 1. Communication: The degree to which your team communicates openly, candidly, and without hidden agendas during meetings. 2. Participation: The degree to which each team member is engaged and actively participates in meetings and takes responsibility for achieving your team’s goals. 3. Trust: The degree to which team members trust each other and your leader, act in the best interest of the group, maintain confidentiality, and speak and act with transparency. 4. Conflict Management: The degree to which conflict in your team is recognized and effectively managed in a productive manner. 5. Purpose: The degree to which your team has a sense of purpose and an understanding of how your decisions and actions impact the larger goals and objectives of the organization. Step 6: Assess Your Team Culture 1. What about your Group Culture Profile seems accurate and why? a. Detached: b. Dramatic: c. Dependent: d. Dynamic: 2. What is the most productive attribute of the group? 3. What is the least productive attribute of the group? 154

WORKSHEETS Renewal Exercise 1. What events or circumstances are likely to provoke stress or shadow experiences (see Step 2 of your Actualized Leader Worksheet)? 2. What can you or others do to help you step into the light (out of the shadow)? 3. If time, money and social distancing restrictions weren’t an issue, how would you be dealing with your stressors? 4. Now it’s time to brainstorm! What COVID-possible strategies might meet your needs? Identify stress-management routines or strategies that will improve your quality of life. Some Suggestions 1. Get enough sleep and have good sleep hygiene (same waking and bedtime). 2. Distinguish between the work day and personal time. a. Not answering email before/after a particular time. b. Closing up your office (laptop) at the “end” of the day. 3. Not responding to email during personal time. 4. Get outside - even in bad weather; the Norwegian’s have a concept called “friluftisliv”. 5. Exercise regularly. 6. Deliberately divide responsibilities. 7. Engage in hobbies. 8. Involve kids in hobbies, play with them! 9. Listen to music and even dance! 10. Learn something new: photography, painting, cooking, baking, games. 155

WORKSHEETS 156

WORKSHEETS C-Suite Communication Skills for Today’s Challenges Learning Collaborative Management Academy 157

WORKSHEETS Actualized Leader: Handing Colleagues A Flashlight Steps 1. Recognize the shadow behavior. If it’s negative, it’s a shadow! 2. Listen Hard for the underlying fear. Is it Fear of Failure, Rejection, or Betrayal? 3. Empathize and use a Win-Win Mindset. Acknowledge that you get it. 4. Hand Colleagues a Flashlight using Objectivity, Hyperfocus, or by Being Present to step out of the shadows. 5. Use Coaching Skills to support your colleagues in stepping out of their shadows, improving resilience, and reducing reactivity. Applying the Process 1. Think of a time when a colleague exhibited signs of Fear of Rejection; what was your colleague doing? 2. Think of a time when a colleague exhibited signs of Fear of Betrayal; what was your colleague doing? 3. Think of a time when a colleague exhibited signs of Fear of Failure; what was your colleague doing? Exercise, Part 1: Shadow Recognition 4. The goal of this exercise to help you identify opportunities to improve communication. Consider a colleague with whom you’d like to improve communication for this exercise. a. What’s going on in the communication with this person? b. The key is to listen: is the person experiencing a shadow? If so, which fear is triggered? Failure Rejection Betrayal c. What do you think was going on? What was your colleague feeling? What was the unmet need? (See Feelings and Needs Lists, p.163-164.) Be prepared to share with the group. Remember, if you feel rejected, betrayed, or that you are failing, you are in your shadow. The same goes for your colleagues. Listen for the fear. 158

WORKSHEETS Exercise, Part 2: Practice 5. Work with a partner; one of you play the “shadowy colleague.” a. Select one situation with a colleague and role play. Hint to “shadowy colleague,” don’t be a pushover, but don’t make it impossible! b. Switch roles and repeat. c. What did you learn? Be prepared to share with the group. Coaching Skills Practice: Tips 6. Set up the role play. 7. Was the underlying fear Failure, Rejection, Betrayal or a combination? 8. What do you think was going on? What feelings and unmet needs does your colleague display? (See Feelings and Needs Lists, p.163-164.) 9. Apply a Nine-Attribute Strategy: Which strategy or strategies can serve as a “flashlight?” (Consider the Thinking Attributes first: Objectivity, Hyperfocus or Being Present (OTO). See Nine Attributes, p. 151.) 10. Use Coaching Skills to support your colleague in stepping out of the shadow, improving resilience and reducing reactivity. 11. What did you learn from your role play? 159

WORKSHEETS Coaching Feedback 1. What did the coach do well? 2. What would have made the coaching session even better? 3. How did the coachee benefit from being coached? 160

WORKSHEETS Coaching Feedback 1. What did the coach do well? 2. What would have made the coaching session even better? 3. How did the coachee benefit from being coached? 161

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT Appendices 162

APPENDIX A: FEELINGS LIST When Our Needs ARE Being Met When Our Needs are NOT Being Met AFFECTIONATE Rapturous AFRAID Perplexed Listless Insecure Sympathetic Thrilled Apprehensive Puzzled Sleepy Leery Tender GRATEFUL Dread Torn Tired Reserved Warm Appreciative Foreboding DISCONNECTED Weary Sensitive CONFIDENT Moved Frightened Alienated Worn out Shaky Empowered Thankful Mistrustful Aloof PAIN YEARNING Open Touched Panicked Apathetic Agony Envious Proud HOPEFUL Petrified Bored Anguished Jealous Safe Expectant Scared Cold Bereaved Longing Secure Encouraged Suspicious Detached Devastated Nostalgia ENGAGED Optimistic Terrified Distant Grief Pining Absorbed JOYFUL Wary Distracted Heartbroken Wistful Alert Amused Worried Indifferent Hurt Curious Delighted ANNOYED Numb Lonely 163 Engrossed Glad Aggravated Removed Miserable Enchanted Happy Dismayed Uninterested Regretful Entranced Jubilant Disgruntled Withdrawn Remorseful Fascinated Pleased Displeased DISQUIET SAD Interested Tickled Exasperated Agitated Depressed Intrigued PEACEFUL Frustrated Alarmed Dejected Involved Calm Impatient Discombobulated Despair Spellbound Clear headed Irritated Disconcerted Despondent Stimulated Comfortable Irked Disturbed Disappointed INSPIRED Centered ANGRY Perturbed Discouraged Amazed Content Enraged Rattled Disheartened Awed Equanimous Furious Restless Forlorn Wonder Fulfilled Incensed Shocked Gloomy EXCITED Mellow Indignant Startled Heavy hearted Amazed Quiet Irate Surprised Hopeless Animated Relaxed Livid Troubled Melancholy Ardent Relieved Outraged Turbulent Unhappy Aroused Satisfied Resentful Turmoil Wretched Astonished Serene AVERSION Uncomfortable TENSE Dazzled Still Animosity Uneasy Anxious Eager Tranquil Appalled Unnerved Cranky Energetic Trusting Contempt Unsettled Distressed Enthusiastic REFRESHED Disgusted Upset Distraught Giddy Enlivened Dislike EMBARRASSED Edgy Invigorated Rejuvenated Hate Ashamed Fidgety Lively Renewed Horrified Chagrined Frazzled Passionate Rested Hostile Flustered Irritable Surprised Restored Repulsed Guilty Jittery Vibrant Revived CONFUSED Mortified Nervous EXHILARATED Ambivalent Self-conscious Overwhelmed Blissful Baffled FATIGUE Restless Ecstatic Bewildered Beat Stressed out Elated Dazed Burnt out VULNERABLE Enthralled Hesitant Depleted Fragile Exuberant Lost Exhausted Guarded Radiant Mystified Lethargic Helpless (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication Website: www.cnvc.org Email: [email protected] Phone: +1.505-244-4041

APPENDIX B: NEEDS LIST CONNECTION HONESTY PHYSICAL WELL-BEING Acceptance Authenticity Air Affection Integrity Food Appreciation Presence Movement Belonging Truth Exercise Cooperation Rest/Sleep Communication PLAY Sexual expression Closeness Joy Safety Community Humor Shelter Companionship Fun Touch Consideration Laughter Water Consistency Adventure Empathy Creativity MEANING Inclusion Clarity Awareness Intimacy Competence Celebration of Warmth Consciousness Life Love Contribution Challenge Mutuality Creativity Clarity Nurturing Discovery Competence Respect/Self-respect Efficacy Consciousness Safety Effectiveness Contribution Security Growth Creativity Stability Hope Discovery Support Learning Efficacy To know and be known Mourning Effectiveness To see and be seen Participation Growth To understand and be understood Purpose Hope Trust Self-expression Learning Mourning PEACE AUTONOMY Participation Beauty Choice Purpose Communication Freedom Self-expression Ease Independence Stimulation Equality Space To matter Harmony Spontaneity Understanding Inspiration Trust Order 164 (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication Website: www.cnvc.org Email: [email protected] Phone: +1.505-244-4041

APPENDIX C: EVALUATIONS MASQUERADING AS FEELINGS Evaluative Word Feeling(s) Need(s) abandoned terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad, frightened, nurturing, connection, belonging, support, lonely caring abused angry, frustrated, frightened caring, nurturing, support, emotional or physical well-bing, consideration, for all living things to flourish (not) accepted upset, scared, lonely inclusion, connection, community, belonging, contribution, peer respect attacked scared, angry safety belittled angry, frustrated, tense, distressed respect, autonomy, to be seen, acknowledgment, appreciation betrayed angry, hurt, disappointed, enraged trust, dependability, honesty, honor, commit- ment, clarity blamed angry, scared, confused, antagonistic, hostile, accountability, causality, fairness, justice bewildered, hurt bullied angry, scared, pressured autonomy, choice, safety, consideration caged/boxed in angry, thwarted, scared, anxious autonomy, choice, freedom cheated resentful, hurt, angry honesty, fairness, justice, trust, reliability coerced angry, frustrated, frightened, thwarted, choice, autonomy, freedom to act freely, to scared choose freely cornered angry, scared, anxious, thwarted autonomy, freedom criticized in pain, scared, anxious, frightened, humiliat- understanding, acknowledgment, recognition, ed, angry, embarrassed accountability, nonjudgmental communication discounted / hurt, angry, embarrassed, frustrated acknowledgment, inclusion, recognition, respect, diminished to matter disliked sad, lonely, hurt connection, appreciation, understanding, ac- knowledgment, friendship, inclusion distrusted sad, frustrated trust, honesty dumped on angry, overwhelmed respect, consideration harassed angry, frustrated, pressured, frightened respect, space, consideration, peace hassled irritated, distressed, angry, frustrated serenity, autonomy, to do things at my own pace and in my own way, calm, space ignored lonely, scared, hurt, sad, embarrassed connection, belonging, inclusion, community, participation insulted angry, embarrassed respect, consideration, acknowledgment, recog- nition interrupted angry, frustrated, resentful, hurt respect, to be heard, consideration intimidated scared, anxious safety, equality, empowerment invalidated angry, hurt, resentful appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, recog- nition invisible sad, angry, lonely, scared to be seen and heard, inclusion, belonging, com- munity isolated lonely, afraid, scared community, inclusion, belonging, contribution left out sad, lonely, anxious inclusion, belonging, community, connection let down sad, disappointed, frightened consistency, trust, dependability, consistency manipulated angry, scared, powerless, thwarted, frustrat- autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality, free- ed dom, free choice, connection, genuineness mistrusted sad, angry trust misunderstood upset, angry, frustrated to be heard, understanding, clarity neglected lonely, scared connection, inclusion, participation, community, care, to matter, consideration (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication Website: www.cnvc.org Email: [email protected] Phone: +1.505-244-4041 165

APPENDIX C: EVALUATIONS MASQUERADING AS FEELINGS Evaluative Word Feeling(s) Need(s) equality, justice, autonomy, freedom overpowered angry, impotent, helpless, confused respect, consideration, rest, caring recognition, equality, respect, mutuality overworked angry, tired, frustrated relaxation, clarity, space, consideration respect, consideration patronized angry, frustrated, resentful respect, acknowledgment, understanding pressured anxious, resentful, overwhelmed belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen, ac- knowledgment, connection provoked angry, frustrated, hostile, antagonistic, re- consideration, justice, fairness, acknowledgment, sentful trust space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity, self-ex- put down angry, sad, embarrassed pression appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition, rejected hurt, scared, angry, defiant consideration safety, autonomy ripped off / anger, resentment, disappointment empowerment, connection, community, to be screwed frustrated, fear, desperation seen, consideration, equality, respect, acknowl- smothered / sad, angry, hurt, disappointment edgment suffocated scared, frightened, alarmed, agitated, defiant integrity, trust, honesty taken for grant- angry, frustrated, overwhelmed appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, consid- ed eration threatened understanding, consideration, empathy trampled love, appreciation, empathy, connection, com- munity tricked embarrassed, angry, resentful acknowledgment, appreciation, to be seen and unappreciated sad, angry, hurt, frustrated heard support, understanding unheard sad, hostile, frustrated belonging, inclusion, caring unloved sad, bewildered, frustrated autonomy, equality, consideration, mutuality empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice unseen sad, anxious, frustrated privacy, safety, trust, space, respect respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness unsupported sad, hurtful, resentful unwanted sad, anxious, frustrated used sad, angry, resentful victimized frightened, helpless violated sad, agitated, anxious wronged angry, hurt, resentful, irritated 166 (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication Website: www.cnvc.org Email: [email protected] Phone: +1.505-244-4041

APPENDIX D: TIP INDEX TIP 1: No Need to Be Perfect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 TIP 45: Review and Commit. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 32 TIP 2: Commit to Collaboration. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 TIP 46: Don’t Focus on Being Right. - - - - - - - - - - - - 38 TIP 3: Identify Hardwiring. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 TIP 47: The Price of Right. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 38 TIP 4: Communication Is Not Always The Problem. - 4 TIP 48: Assume the Best. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 38 TIP 5: Consider A Misunderstanding. - - - - - - - - - - - 10 TIP 49: Understanding Others. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 39 TIP 6: Make Commitments You Can Keep. - - - - - - - 11 TIP 50: Take Responsibility. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 39 TIP 7: Coach To Competency. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 11 TIP 51: Clarify the Situation. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 40 TIP 8: Provide Training. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 11 TIP 52: Ask Good Questions. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 41 TIP 9: Talk About What Went Wrong. - - - - - - - - - - - 12 TIP 53: Shift the Dynamic. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 41 TIP 10: Get to Know Your Team Members. - - - - - - - 12 TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 11: Protect Others From the Bus. - - - - - - - - - - - - 12 TIP 55: Clear the Air. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 12: Identify Your Own Role. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 12 TIP 56: Unmet Needs Cause Feelings, Not People. - 43 TIP 13: Put Yourself In The Person’s Shoes. - - - - - - - 12 TIP 57: Even “No” Is a Step Towards Agreement. - - 43 TIP 14: Foster An Atmosphere of Growth. - - - - - - - - 12 TIP 58: Adopting the New Paradigm. - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 15: Spend Time Together. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 12 TIP 59: Use the Model. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 16: Share Personal Information. - - - - - - - - - - - - 12 TIP 60: Black and White. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 46 TIP 17: Be Real – Be Yourself. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 12 TIP 61: Needs Over Strategy. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 18: Use Tools to Increase Understanding. - - - - - 13 TIP 62: Choose to Win. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 19: Be Open About The Bad Stuff. - - - - - - - - - - - 13 TIP 63: Big Picture. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 20: Find Out What’s Below the Waterline. - - - - - 13 TIP 64: Prioritize Needs. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 21: Do You Have Integrity. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 14 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 TIP 22: Foster Honesty. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 14 TIP 66: Key to Neutrality. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 50 TIP 23: Support the Risk-Averse. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 14 TIP 67: Raising Difficult Issues. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 50 TIP 24: Share Credit. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 14 TIP 68: Apologizing Gracefully. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 50 TIP 25: Talk Straight. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 14 TIP 69: Differentiate Observation from Belief. - - - - - 51 TIP 26: Hire for Diversity. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 18 TIP 70: 10 Million Bits of Data Per Second. - - - - - - - 51 TIP 27: Allow Autonomy. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 18 TIP 71: Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 52 TIP 28: Stay Curious. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 18 TIP 72: Prove Your Assumptions Wrong. - - - - - - - - - 52 TIP 29: Practice Arguing. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 19 TIP 73: Describe Actions. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 52 TIP 30: Differences in Conflict Tolerances. - - - - - - - - 19 TIP 74: Share Conclusions/Judgments. - - - - - - - - - - 52 TIP 31: Encourage and Take Real Risks. - - - - - - - - - - 19 TIP 75: Ask for Help. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 52 TIP 32: Concern, Not Criticism. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 19 TIP 76: It’s All in the Interpretation. - - - - - - - - - - - - 53 TIP 33: Practice Acceptance. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 19 TIP 77: Motive. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 54 TIP 34: Ask for Commitment. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 22 TIP 78: Consider Word Choice. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 54 TIP 35: Hold Accountable, Don’t Nag. - - - - - - - - - - 25 TIP 79: Anticipate. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 57 TIP 36: Ask For Feedback On Time Frames. - - - - - - 28 TIP 80: Prepare. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 57 TIP 37: Believe the Unbelievable. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 28 TIP 81: Stay Curious. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 57 TIP 38: See Instability As Opportunity. - - - - - - - - - - 28 TIP 82: Reflect/Don’t Be Pushed. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 57 TIP 39: Roll Up Your Sleeves. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 28 TIP 83: Meaning. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 57 TIP 40: Embrace A Larger Purpose. - - - - - - - - - - - - 28 TIP 84: I’m Upset and It’s Personal. - - - - - - - - - - - - 58 TIP 41: Debrief. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 28 TIP 85: Foster Self-Awareness In Others. - - - - - - - - - 58 TIP 42: Adopt a No Beach Ball Policy. - - - - - - - - - - - 29 TIP 86: Clarify. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 61 TIP 43: Avoid Misunderstandings. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 31 TIP 87: Never Demand. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 61 TIP 44: Struggling To Agree On Norms. - - - - - - - - - 31 TIP 88: Making Requests. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 62 167

APPENDIX D: TIP INDEX TIP 89: How to Deal With a Refusal. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 63 TIP 133: Challenge the Mindset. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 101 TIP 90: Cultivate Your Executive Presence. - - - - - - - 64 TIP 134: Remain Curious. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 102 TIP 91: Probe Further. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 65 TIP 135: Need Focus to Identify Wants. - - - - - - - - - 104 TIP 92: Be Columbo. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 65 TIP 136: Get Results. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 105 TIP 93: Actively Listen. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 65 TIP 137: Don’t Make Assumptions. - - - - - - - - - - - - 105 TIP 94: Check Your Intuition. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 65 TIP 138: Listen More. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 105 TIP 95: Take a Step Back. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 65 TIP 139: Focus Every Meeting. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 105 TIP 96: Venters and Screamers. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 65 TIP 140: Establish the Focus To Manage Time. - - - - 105 TIP 97: Build Awareness. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 66 TIP 141: Offer Observations. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 105 TIP 98: Stay Off the Ladder of Inference. - - - - - - - - - 67 TIP 142: See the Possibilities. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 108 TIP 99: Debrief When Projects Don’t Go Well. - - - - - 67 TIP 143: Options to Shift A Negative Mindset. - - - 108 TIP 100: Own Your Contribution To A Problem. - - - 67 TIP 144: Know Yourself. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 109 TIP 101: Let The Person Off the Hook. - - - - - - - - - - 67 TIP 145: Be Careful When You Muse. - - - - - - - - - - 109 TIP 102: Signal Openness. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 67 TIP 146: Don’t Just Give the Answer. - - - - - - - - - - - 113 TIP 103: Feeling Bullied? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 67 TIP 147: Develop Concrete Steps. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115 TIP 104: Different Operating Values. - - - - - - - - - - - 68 TIP 148: Paralyzed by Possibility. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115 TIP 105: Lead by Mandate, Not Title. - - - - - - - - - - - 68 TIP 149: The Perceiver As Coach. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115 TIP 106: Uncomfortable Situations. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 71 TIP 150: Establish Milestones. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115 TIP 107: Start With Commitment. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 72 TIP 151: Overcome Challenges. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 116 TIP 108: Think Positive. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 75 TIP 152: Provide a Scale. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 117 TIP 109: Choose Your Response To Problems. - - - - -79 TIP 153: Adopt a New Mindset. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 117 TIP 110: Be Tenacious. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 81 TIP 154: Ensure Timely Work Product. - - - - - - - - - 118 TIP 111: Versatility of Coaching. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 87 TIP 155: Use Open-Ended Questions. - - - - - - - - - - 119 TIP 112: Be Intentional To Get Best Results. - - - - - - - 87 TIP 156: Empowerment of Accountability. - - - - - - - 119 TIP 113: Ask Like a Coach. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 89 TIP 157: When Colleagues Fight. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 124 TIP 114: Intend to Coach. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 90 TIP 158: Truly An Underperformer? - - - - - - - - - - - 124 TIP 115: Be Deliberate. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 92 TIP 159: Filters Influence Behavior. - - - - - - - - - - - - 125 TIP 116: You Don’t Have To Have the Answer. - - - - 92 TIP 160: Trust the Process. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 133 TIP 117: Can’t Make Staff Take Responsibility. - - - - 92 TIP 118: Remain Curious. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 95 TIP 119: Help Change Mindset. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 95 TIP 120: Powerful Questions Set The Example. - - - - 95 TIP 121: Ask Questions When It’s Going Well. - - - - 95 TIP 122: Your Question Mindset. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 95 TIP 123: Notice The Difference. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 96 TIP 124: Practice Pausing. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 97 TIP 125: But I Know the Answer. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 98 TIP 126: Explain Your Roles As Their Coach. - - - - - 99 TIP 127: Help To Depersonalize. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 99 TIP 128: A Coaching Relationship. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 99 TIP 129: What is Trust? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 100 TIP 130: When You Can’t Listen. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 100 TIP 131: Be Curious. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 101 TIP 132: Understanding Perspective. - - - - - - - - - - - 101 168

APPENDIX E: TIPS BY TYPE INTROVERSION TIP 88: Making Requests. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 62 TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 127: Help To Depersonalize. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 99 TIP 62: Choose to Win. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 146: Don’t Just Give the Answer. - - - - - - - - - - 113 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 TIP 146: Don’t Just Give the Answer. - - - - - - - - - - 113 JUDGING TIP 1: No Need to Be Perfect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 EXTRAVERSION TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 58: Adopting the New Paradigm. - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 62: Choose to Win. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 59: Use the Model. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 TIP 62: Choose to Win. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 131: Be Curious. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 101 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 TIP 146: Don’t Just Give the Answer. - - - - - - - - - - 113 TIP 131: Be Curious. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 101 TIP 142: See the Possibilities. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 108 SENSING TIP 146: Don’t Just Give the Answer. - - - - - - - - - - 113 TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 PERCEIVING TIP 142: See the Possibilities. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 108 TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 INTUITION TIP 144: Know Yourself. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 109 TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 145: Be Careful When You Muse. - - - - - - - - - - 109 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 TIP 147: Develop Concrete Steps. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115 TIP 144: Know Yourself. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 109 TIP 148: Paralyzed by Possibility. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115 TIP 147: Develop Concrete Steps. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115 TIP 149: The Perceiver As Coach. - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115 TIP 150: Establish Milestones. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115 THINKING TIP 30: Differences in Conflict Tolerances. - - - - - - - - 19 Temperament TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 55: Clear the Air. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 SJ TIP 58: Adopting the New Paradigm. - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 1: No Need to Be Perfect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 TIP 59: Use the Model. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 60: Black and White. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 46 TIP 59: Use the Model. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 62: Choose to Win. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 63: Big Picture. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 TIP 88: Making Requests. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 62 TIP 142: See the Possibilities. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 108 TIP 146: Don’t Just Give the Answer. - - - - - - - - - - 113 SP FEELING TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 30: Differences in Conflict Tolerances. - - - - - - - - 19 TIP 58: Adopting the New Paradigm. - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 62: Choose to Win. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 55: Clear the Air. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 63: Big Picture. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 58: Adopting the New Paradigm. - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 TIP 60: Black and White. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 46 TIP 146: Don’t Just Give the Answer. - - - - - - - - - - 113 TIP 62: Choose to Win. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 169

APPENDIX E: TIPS BY TYPE NT TIP 1: No Need to Be Perfect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 58: Adopting the New Paradigm. - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 59: Use the Model. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 62: Choose to Win. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 TIP 146: Don’t Just Give the Answer. - - - - - - - - - - 113 NF TIP 54: Pause and Reflect. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 55: Clear the Air. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 42 TIP 58: Adopting the New Paradigm. - - - - - - - - - - - 45 TIP 62: Choose to Win. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 47 TIP 65: Just the Facts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 TIP 146: Don’t Just Give the Answer. - - - - - - - - - - 113 170

APPENDIX F: Flats FLAT 1(a): But He’s Unreliable. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 10 FLAT 1(b): Lack of Understanding. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 11 FLAT 1(c): Are You Sure? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 12 FLAT 1(d): Failure To Give Honest Opinions. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 14 FLAT 2(a): Like Me Trap. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 18 FLAT 2(b): Too Polite to Be Effective. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 19 FLAT 2(c): No Risk Taking. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 19 FLAT 3(a): Lack of Understanding. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 22 FLAT 4(a): Lack of Understanding. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 25 FLAT 5(a): Focus On Individual Goals. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 27 FLAT 5(b): Unclear Goals. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 27 FLAT 5(c): Lack of Priorities. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 27 FLAT 5(d): Inadequate Resources. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 28 FLAT 5(e): Unrealistic Time Frames. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 28 FLAT 5(f): Lack of Progress. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 28 171

APPENDIX G: Exercises EXERCISE: Identify Goal and Strategies - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 41 EXERCISE: State the Facts - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 50 EXERCISE: Awareness of Self - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 60 EXERCISE: Make a Request - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 61 EXERCISE: Awareness of Others - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 66 EXERCISE: Action Request - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 70 EXERCISE: Process Request - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 71 EXERCISE: Data Collection Request - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 71 EXERCISE: Questions - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 95 EXERCISE: Just Listen - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 102 EXERCISE: Establish the Focus (Scenario 1: Greta, Madison, and Inventory Accounting)- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 106 EXERCISE: Establish the Focus (Scenario 2: Monica and Verbose Oscar)- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 106 EXERCISE: Coaching Practice - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 107 EXERCISE: Brainstorm Options (Scenario 3: Al, Clyde, and Auto Parts Supplier)- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 110 EXERCISE: Brainstorm Options (Scenario 4: Penny, Prudence, and Cutting Costs)- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 110 EXERCISE: Coaching Practice - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 111 EXERCISE: Coaching Practice - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115 EXERCISE: Coaching Practice - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 118 EXERCISE: Coaching Practice - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 120 EXERCISE: Coaching Practice - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 122 172

APPENDIX H: Examples Example: “Working It Out.” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 40 Example: “The Lowly Associate.” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 44 Example: “Too Late.” -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 46 Example: “The Lowly Associate.”(cont’d from p. 44) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 Example: “Too Late.” (cont’d from p. 46)- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 49 Examples of Phrases - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 56 Example: “The Lowly Associate.” (cont’d from p. 44) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 58 Example: “The Lowly Associate.” (cont’d from p. 44) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 60 Example Phrase - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 61 Example: “The Lowly Associate.” (cont’d from p. 44) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 65 Example: “The Concerning Memo.” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 70 Example: “The Concerning Memo.” (cont’d from p. 70) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 71 Example: “You Let Me Down.” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 75 Example: “You Let Me Down and You’re Passive Aggressive.” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 76 Example: Win-Win and Coaching To Find Solutions. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 87 173

Learning Collaborative Management Academy Here’s What You Get! 1. Training Summary • Managerial Excellence Core Training: 10.5 hours of interactive training and development delivered in 1.5-hour sessions over seven weeks. • 10 Months of Power Skills Training: After you complete the Core Training, you have access to a wide range of programming and other resources. o Monthly Webinars: Ten months of live 30-minute webinars delivered at multiple times each month, and recorded for easy access. o Accelerated Programming: One to 1.5-hour live webinars to build new skills such as budgeting and finance. o Companion Webinars: Short recorded webinars with a Facilitation Guide and Team Member Guide so that you can develop your team. 2. Assessments • Kirton Adaption-Innovation Inventory: This problem-solving style assessment helps you to better understand different work-styles so that you can manage more effectively. • Actualized Leader Profile Short-Form Assessment: This leadership assessment defines your motive drivers, helps you to understand and more productively address stressors, and provides a path to greater self-actualization. 3. Hard-Copy Resources • Workplace Toolkit: Actionable Approaches to People Problems: The Workbook • Arudia Collaboration Kit: Handy reference cards 4. Portal Access to Your Online Resources You will have easy access to online resources via a portal. Your Resource Portal houses: • Recordings of all live programs • Recorded Companion Webinars and corresponding Facilitation & Team Member Guides • Supplemental Materials, including summaries and short articles • Win-Win Conversation Online Course • Coaching Skills Online Course You have been automatically registered for your Resource Portal. You will be receiving an email from [email protected] with your username and password. Please contact us at [email protected] with if you have any questions or technical issues. We look forward to working together! 174



Contact us to learn more about how we can help you Improve Culture, Collaboration & Communication! Improve Your Culture: Every organization can be a great place to work with fulfilled and productive employees achieving great results. The organization is its people and, via The Arudia System, we can provide everyone with the tools for collaborating and communicating so every conversation is productive. Engage team members, leverage cognitive diversity, and transform difficult conversations into opportunities for improvement with Arudia. Individual Coaching: If you’re stepping into power, Arudia is here to help. We tailor our coaching to meet your goals, and focus on guiding you to learn, develop, and maximize your natural strengths. Our coaching sessions will help you do your best thinking, put thoughts into action, and help guide your team members to work to their highest potential. As an outside party, we’re objective and confidential, and will provide you with the insight you need to grow. Leadership Development: Uncover the leader within so that you can leverage your natural style to lead and inspire others. Learn the skills necessary to com- municate with presence and intention. Develop your signature presence so that you are more effective and have greater impact. Business Development: Build your business through the actionable insight and deliberate steps that come from participating in Arudia’s individual and group programs. Programs include 5 Steps to Transform Prospects Into Clients, Brand Yourself, and personal coaching. Communication: Learn to communicate with greater presence and intention so you and your team are more effective and less stressed. Inspire and leverage others’ best thinking so that team members are truly collaborating and coaching each other. arudia.com • 202.449.9751