["\\\"The\twhich?\\\" \\\"The\t spiritual\t adviser\t of\t the\t little\t company\t of\t believers\t whose\t sanctuary adjoins\tthese\tpremises.\\\" Scotty\t scratched\t his\t head,\t reflected\t a\t moment,\t and\t then\t said:\t \\\"You\t ruther hold\tover\tme,\tpard.\tI\treckon\tI\tcan't\tcall\tthat\thand.\tAnte\tand\tpass\tthe\tbuck.\\\" \\\"How?\tI\tbeg\tpardon.\tWhat\tdid\tI\tunderstand\tyou\tto\tsay?\\\" \\\"Well,\tyou've\truther\tgot\tthe\tbulge\ton\tme.\tOr\tmaybe\twe've\tboth\tgot\tthe\tbulge, somehow.\tYou\tdon't\tsmoke\tme\tand\tI\tdon't\tsmoke\tyou.\tYou\tsee,\tone\tof\tthe\tboys has\t passed\t in\t his\t checks,\t and\t we\t want\t to\t give\t him\t a\t good\t send-off,\t and\t so\t the thing\tI'm\ton\tnow\tis\tto\troust\tout\tsomebody\tto\tjerk\ta\tlittle\tchin-music\tfor\tus\tand waltz\thim\tthrough\thandsome.\\\" \\\"My\t friend,\t I\t seem\t to\t grow\t more\t and\t more\t bewildered.\t Your\t observations are\twholly\tincomprehensible\tto\tme.\tCannot\tyou\tsimplify\tthem\tin\tsome\tway?\tAt first\tI\tthought\tperhaps\tI\tunderstood\tyou,\tbut\tI\tgrope\tnow.\tWould\tit\tnot\texpedite matters\tif\tyou\trestricted\tyourself\tto\tcategorical\tstatements\tof\tfact\tunencumbered with\tobstructing\taccumulations\tof\tmetaphor\tand\tallegory?\\\" Another\t pause,\t and\t more\t reflection.\t Then,\t said\t Scotty:\t \\\"I'll\t have\t to\t pass,\t I judge.\\\" \\\"How?\\\" \\\"You've\traised\tme\tout,\tpard.\\\" \\\"I\tstill\tfail\tto\tcatch\tyour\tmeaning.\\\" \\\"Why,\t that\t last\t lead\t of\t yourn\t is\t too\t many\t for\t me--that's\t the\t idea.\t I\t can't neither\ttrump\tnor\tfollow\tsuit.\\\" The\t clergyman\t sank\t back\t in\t his\t chair\t perplexed.\t Scotty\t leaned\t his\t head\t on his\thand\tand\tgave\thimself\tup\tto\tthought.\tPresently\this\tface\tcame\tup,\tsorrowful but\tconfident. \\\"I've\t got\t it\t now,\t so's\t you\t can\t savvy,\\\"\t he\t said.\t \\\"What\t we\t want\t is\t a\t gospel- sharp.\tSee?\\\" \\\"A\twhat?\\\" \\\"Gospel-sharp.\tParson.\\\" \\\"Oh!\tWhy\tdid\tyou\tnot\tsay\tso\tbefore?\tI\tam\ta\tclergyman--a\tparson.\\\" \\\"Now\tyou\ttalk!\tYou\tsee\tmy\tblind\tand\tstraddle\tit\tlike\ta\tman.\tPut\tit\tthere!\\\"-- extending\ta\tbrawny\tpaw,\twhich\tclosed\tover\tthe\tminister's\tsmall\thand\tand\tgave\tit a\tshake\tindicative\tof\tfraternal\tsympathy\tand\tfervent\tgratification. \\\"Now\t we're\t all\t right,\t pard.\t Let's\t start\t fresh.\t Don't\t you\t mind\t my\t snuffling\t a little--becuz\t we're\t in\t a\t power\t of\t trouble.\t You\t see,\t one\t of\t the\t boys\t has\t gone\t up the\tflume--\\\"","\\\"Gone\twhere?\\\" \\\"Up\tthe\tflume--throwed\tup\tthe\tsponge,\tyou\tunderstand.\\\" \\\"Thrown\tup\tthe\tsponge?\\\" \\\"Yes--kicked\tthe\tbucket--\\\" \\\"Ah--has\tdeparted\tto\tthat\tmysterious\tcountry\tfrom\twhose\tbourne\tno\ttraveler returns.\\\" \\\"Return!\tI\treckon\tnot.\tWhy,\tpard,\the's\tdead!\\\" \\\"Yes,\tI\tunderstand.\\\" \\\"Oh,\tyou\tdo?\tWell\tI\tthought\tmaybe\tyou\tmight\tbe\tgetting\ttangled\tsome\tmore. Yes,\tyou\tsee\the's\tdead\tagain--\\\" \\\"Again!\tWhy,\thas\the\tever\tbeen\tdead\tbefore?\\\" \\\"Dead\tbefore?\tNo!\tDo\tyou\treckon\ta\tman\thas\tgot\tas\tmany\tlives\tas\ta\tcat?\tBut you\t bet\t you\t he's\t awful\t dead\t now,\t poor\t old\t boy,\t and\t I\t wish\t I'd\t never\t seen\t this day.\tI\tdon't\twant\tno\tbetter\tfriend\tthan\tBuck\tFanshaw.\tI\tknowed\thim\tby\tthe\tback; and\twhen\tI\tknow\ta\tman\tand\tlike\thim,\tI\tfreeze\tto\thim--you\thear\tme.\tTake\thim\tall round,\t pard,\t there\t never\t was\t a\t bullier\t man\t in\t the\t mines.\t No\t man\t ever\t knowed Buck\tFanshaw\tto\tgo\tback\ton\ta\tfriend.\tBut\tit's\tall\tup,\tyou\tknow,\tit's\tall\tup.\tIt\tain't no\tuse.\tThey've\tscooped\thim.\\\" \\\"Scooped\thim?\\\" \\\"Yes--death\thas.\tWell,\twell,\twell,\twe've\tgot\tto\tgive\thim\tup.\tYes,\tindeed.\tIt's\ta kind\tof\ta\thard\tworld,\tafter\tall,\tain't\tit?\tBut\tpard,\the\twas\ta\trustler!\tYou\tought\tto seen\t him\t get\t started\t once.\t He\t was\t a\t bully\t boy\t with\t a\t glass\t eye!\t Just\t spit\t in\t his face\tand\tgive\thim\troom\taccording\tto\this\tstrength,\tand\tit\twas\tjust\tbeautiful\tto\tsee him\t peel\t and\t go\t in.\t He\t was\t the\t worst\t son\t of\t a\t thief\t that\t ever\t drawed\t breath. Pard,\the\twas\ton\tit!\tHe\twas\ton\tit\tbigger\tthan\tan\tInjun!\\\" \\\"On\tit?\tOn\twhat?\\\" \\\"On\tthe\tshoot.\tOn\tthe\tshoulder.\tOn\tthe\tfight,\tyou\tunderstand.\tHe\tdidn't\tgive a\tcontinental\tfor\tanybody.\tBeg\tyour\tpardon,\tfriend,\tfor\tcoming\tso\tnear\tsaying\ta cuss-word--but\t you\t see\t I'm\t on\t an\t awful\t strain,\t in\t this\t palaver,\t on\t account\t of having\t to\t cramp\t down\t and\t draw\t everything\t so\t mild.\t But\t we've\t got\t to\t give\t him up.\tThere\tain't\tany\tgetting\taround\tthat,\tI\tdon't\treckon.\tNow\tif\twe\tcan\tget\tyou\tto help\tplant\thim--\\\" \\\"Preach\tthe\tfuneral\tdiscourse?\tAssist\tat\tthe\tobsequies?\\\" \\\"Obs'quies\tis\tgood.\tYes.\tThat's\tit--that's\tour\tlittle\tgame.\tWe\tare\tgoing\tto\tget the\tthing\tup\tregardless,\tyou\tknow.\tHe\twas\talways\tnifty\thimself,\tand\tso\tyou\tbet you\this\tfuneral\tain't\tgoing\tto\tbe\tno\tslouch--solid-silver\tdoor-plate\ton\this\tcoffin, six\tplumes\ton\tthe\thearse,\tand\ta\tnigger\ton\tthe\tbox\tin\ta\tbiled\tshirt\tand\ta\tplug\that--","how's\t that\t for\t high?\t And\t we'll\t take\t care\t of\t you,\t pard.\t We'll\t fix\t you\t all\t right. There'll\tbe\ta\t kerridge\tfor\tyou;\tand\twhatever\tyou\twant,\tyou\tjust\t'scape\tout\tand we'll\t'tend\tto\tit.\tWe've\tgot\ta\tshebang\tfixed\tup\tfor\tyou\tto\tstand\tbehind,\tin\tNo.\t1's house,\tand\tdon't\tyou\tbe\tafraid.\tJust\tgo\tin\tand\ttoot\tyour\thorn,\tif\tyou\tdon't\tsell\ta clam.\tPut\tBuck\tthrough\tas\tbully\tas\tyou\tcan,\tpard,\tfor\tanybody\tthat\tknowed\thim will\ttell\tyou\tthat\the\twas\tone\tof\tthe\twhitest\tmen\tthat\twas\tever\tin\tthe\tmines.\tYou can't\tdraw\tit\ttoo\tstrong.\tHe\tnever\tcould\tstand\tit\tto\tsee\tthings\tgoing\twrong.\tHe's done\t more\t to\t make\t this\t town\t quiet\t and\t peaceable\t than\t any\t man\t in\t it.\t I've\t seen him\t lick\t four\t Greasers\t in\t eleven\t minutes,\t myself.\t If\t a\t thing\t wanted\t regulating, he\t warn't\t a\t man\t to\t go\t browsing\t around\t after\t somebody\t to\t do\t it,\t but\t he\t would prance\tin\tand\tregulate\tit\thimself.\tHe\twarn't\ta\tCatholic.\tScasely.\tHe\twas\tdown\ton 'em.\tHis\tword\twas,\t'No\tIrish\tneed\tapply!'\tBut\tit\tdidn't\tmake\tno\tdifference\tabout that\twhen\tit\tcame\tdown\tto\twhat\ta\tman's\trights\twas--and\tso,\twhen\tsome\troughs jumped\tthe\tCatholic\tboneyard\tand\tstarted\tin\tto\tstake\tout\ttown\tlots\tin\tit\the\twent for\t'em!\tAnd\the\tcleaned\t'em,\ttoo!\tI\twas\tthere,\tpard,\tand\tI\tseen\tit\tmyself.\\\" \\\"That\t was\t very\t well\t indeed--at\t least\t the\t impulse\t was--whether\t the\t act\t was strictly\tdefensible\tor\tnot.\tHad\tdeceased\tany\treligious\tconvictions?\tThat\tis\tto\tsay, did\the\tfeel\ta\tdependence\tupon,\tor\tacknowledge\talliance\tto\ta\thigher\tpower?\\\" More\treflection. \\\"I\treckon\tyou've\tstumped\tme\tagain,\tpard.\tCould\tyou\tsay\tit\tover\tonce\tmore, and\tsay\tit\tslow?\\\" \\\"Well,\tto\tsimplify\tit\tsomewhat,\twas\the,\tor\trather\thad\the\tever\tbeen\tconnected with\t any\t organization\t sequestered\t from\t secular\t concerns\t and\t devoted\t to\t self- sacrifice\tin\tthe\tinterests\tof\tmorality?\\\" \\\"All\tdown\tbut\tnine--set\t'em\tup\ton\tthe\tother\talley,\tpard.\\\" \\\"What\tdid\tI\tunderstand\tyou\tto\tsay?\\\" \\\"Why,\t you're\t most\t too\t many\t for\t me,\t you\t know.\t When\t you\t get\t in\t with\t your left\t I\t hunt\t grass\t every\t time.\t Every\t time\t you\t draw,\t you\t fill;\t but\t I\t don't\t seem\t to have\tany\tluck.\tLet's\thave\ta\tnew\tdeal.\\\" \\\"How?\tBegin\tagain?\\\" \\\"That's\tit.\\\" \\\"Very\twell.\tWas\the\ta\tgood\tman,\tand--\\\" \\\"There--I\t see\t that;\t don't\t put\t up\t another\t chip\t till\t I\t look\t at\t my\t hand.\t A\t good man,\tsays\tyou?\tPard,\tit\tain't\tno\tname\tfor\tit.\tHe\twas\tthe\tbest\tman\tthat\tever--pard, you\t would\t have\t doted\t on\t that\t man.\t He\t could\t lam\t any\t galoot\t of\t his\t inches\t in America.\tIt\twas\thim\tthat\tput\tdown\tthe\triot\tlast\telection\tbefore\tit\tgot\ta\tstart;\tand everybody\tsaid\the\twas\tthe\tonly\tman\tthat\tcould\thave\tdone\tit.\tHe\twaltzed\tin\twith","a\tspanner\tin\tone\thand\tand\ta\ttrumpet\tin\tthe\tother,\tand\tsent\tfourteen\tmen\thome\ton a\tshutter\tin\tless\tthan\tthree\tminutes.\tHe\thad\tthat\triot\tall\tbroke\tup\tand\tprevented nice\tbefore\tanybody\tever\tgot\ta\tchance\tto\tstrike\ta\tblow.\tHe\twas\talways\tfor\tpeace, and\the\twould\thave\tpeace--he\tcould\tnot\tstand\tdisturbances.\tPard,\the\twas\ta\tgreat loss\tto\tthis\t town.\tIt\twould\tplease\tthe\tboys\t if\tyou\tcould\tchip\tin\tsomething\tlike that\t and\t do\t him\t justice.\t Here\t once\t when\t the\t Micks\t got\t to\t throwing\t stones through\t the\t Methodis'\t Sunday-school\t windows,\t Buck\t Fanshaw,\t all\t of\t his\t own notion,\tshut\tup\this\tsaloon\tand\ttook\ta\tcouple\tof\tsix-shooters\tand\tmounted\tguard over\tthe\tSunday-school.\tSays\the,\t'No\tIrish\tneed\tapply!'\tAnd\tthey\tdidn't.\tHe\twas the\t bulliest\t man\t in\t the\t mountains,\t pard!\t He\t could\t run\t faster,\t jump\t higher,\t hit harder,\t and\t hold\t more\t tanglefoot\t whisky\t without\t spilling\t it\t than\t any\t man\t in seventeen\tcounties.\tPut\tthat\tin,\tpard--it'll\tplease\tthe\tboys\tmore\tthan\tanything\tyou could\tsay.\tAnd\tyou\tcan\tsay,\tpard,\tthat\the\tnever\tshook\this\tmother.\\\" \\\"Never\tshook\this\tmother?\\\" \\\"That's\tit--any\tof\tthe\tboys\twill\ttell\tyou\tso.\\\" \\\"Well,\tbut\twhy\tshould\the\tshake\ther?\\\" \\\"That's\twhat\tI\tsay--but\tsome\tpeople\tdoes.\\\" \\\"Not\tpeople\tof\tany\trepute?\\\" \\\"Well,\tsome\tthat\taverages\tpretty\tso-so.\\\" \\\"In\t my\t opinion\t the\t man\t that\t would\t offer\t personal\t violence\t to\t his\t own mother,\tought\tto--\\\" \\\"Cheese\t it,\t pard;\t you've\t banked\t your\t ball\t clean\t outside\t the\t string.\t What\t I was\ta\tdrivin'\tat,\twas,\tthat\the\tnever\tthrowed\toff\ton\this\tmother--don't\tyou\tsee?\tNo indeedy.\tHe\tgive\ther\ta\thouse\tto\tlive\tin,\tand\ttown\tlots,\tand\tplenty\tof\tmoney;\tand he\t looked\t after\t her\t and\t took\t care\t of\t her\t all\t the\t time;\t and\t when\t she\t was\t down with\t the\t smallpox\t I'm\t d--d\t if\t he\t didn't\t set\t up\t nights\t and\t nuss\t her\t himself!\t Beg your\t pardon\t for\t saying\t it,\t but\t it\t hopped\t out\t too\t quick\t for\t yours\t truly.\t You've treated\t me\t like\t a\t gentleman,\t pard,\t and\t I\t ain't\t the\t man\t to\t hurt\t your\t feelings intentional.\t I\t think\t you're\t white.\t I\t think\t you're\t a\t square\t man,\t pard.\t I\t like\t you, and\t I'll\t lick\t any\t man\t that\t don't.\t I'll\t lick\t him\t till\t he\t can't\t tell\t himself\t from\t a\t last year's\tcorpse!\tPut\tit\tthere!\\\"\t[Another\tfraternal\thandshake--and\texit.] The\tobsequies\twere\tall\tthat\t\\\"the\tboys\\\"\tcould\tdesire.\tSuch\ta\tmarvel\tof\tfuneral pomp\thad\tnever\tbeen\tseen\tin\tVirginia.\tThe\tplumed\thearse,\tthe\t dirge-breathing brass-bands,\t the\t closed\t marts\t of\t business,\t the\t flags\t drooping\t at\t half-mast,\t the long,\t plodding\t procession\t of\t uniformed\t secret\t societies,\t military\t battalions\t and fire\t companies,\t draped\t engines,\t carriages\t of\t officials,\t and\t citizens\t in\t vehicles and\t on\t foot,\t attracted\t multitudes\t of\t spectators\t to\t the\t sidewalks,\t roofs,\t and","windows;\t and\t for\t years\t afterward,\t the\t degree\t of\t grandeur\t attained\t by\t any\t civic display\tin\tVirginia\twas\tdetermined\tby\tcomparison\twith\tBuck\tFanshaw's\tfuneral. Scotty\tBriggs,\tas\ta\tpall-bearer\tand\ta\tmourner,\toccupied\ta\tprominent\tplace\tat the\tfuneral,\tand\twhen\tthe\tsermon\twas\tfinished\tand\tthe\tlast\tsentence\tof\tthe\tprayer for\tthe\tdead\tman's\tsoul\tascended,\the\tresponded,\tin\ta\tlow\tvoice,\tbut\twith\tfeeling: \\\"AMEN.\tNo\tIrish\tneed\tapply.\\\" As\tthe\tbulk\tof\tthe\tresponse\twas\twithout\tapparent\trelevancy,\tit\twas\tprobably nothing\t more\t than\t a\t humble\t tribute\t to\t the\t memory\t of\t the\t friend\t that\t was\t gone; for,\tas\tScotty\thad\tonce\tsaid,\tit\twas\t\\\"his\tword.\\\" Scotty\t Briggs,\t in\t after\t days,\t achieved\t the\t distinction\t of\t becoming\t the\t only convert\t to\t religion\t that\t was\t ever\t gathered\t from\t the\t Virginia\t roughs;\t and\t it transpired\tthat\tthe\tman\twho\thad\tit\tin\thim\tto\tespouse\tthe\tquarrel\tof\tthe\tweak\tout of\tinborn\tnobility\tof\tspirit\twas\tno\tmean\ttimber\twhereof\tto\tconstruct\ta\tChristian. The\tmaking\thim\tone\tdid\tnot\twarp\this\tgenerosity\tor\tdiminish\this\tcourage;\ton\tthe contrary\tit\tgave\tintelligent\tdirection\tto\tthe\tone\tand\ta\tbroader\tfield\tto\tthe\tother.\tIf his\tSunday-school\tclass\tprogressed\tfaster\tthan\tthe\tother\tclasses,\twas\tit\tmatter\tfor wonder?\t I\t think\t not.\t He\t talked\t to\t his\t pioneer\t small-fry\t in\t a\t language\t they understood!\t It\t was\t my\t large\t privilege,\t a\t month\t before\t he\t died,\t to\t hear\t him\t tell the\tbeautiful\tstory\tof\tJoseph\tand\this\tbrethren\tto\this\tclass\t\\\"without\tlooking\tat\tthe book.\\\"\t I\t leave\t it\t to\t the\t reader\t to\t fancy\t what\t it\t was\t like,\t as\t it\t fell,\t riddled\t with slang,\tfrom\tthe\tlips\tof\tthat\tgrave,\tearnest\tteacher,\tand\twas\tlistened\tto\tby\this\tlittle learners\twith\ta\tconsuming\tinterest\tthat\tshowed\tthat\tthey\twere\tas\tunconscious\tas he\twas\tthat\tany\tviolence\twas\tbeing\tdone\tto\tthe\tsacred\tproprieties! From\tROUGHING\tIT,\t1872","THE\tSTORY\tOF\tTHE\tOLD\tRAM EVERY\t NOW\t and\t then,\t in\t these\t days,\t the\t boys\t used\t to\t tell\t me\t I\t ought\t to get\tone\tJim\tBlaine\tto\ttell\tme\tthe\tstirring\tstory\tof\this\tgrandfather's\told\tram--but they\t always\t added\t that\t I\t must\t not\t mention\t the\t matter\t unless\t Jim\t was\t drunk\t at the\t time--just\t comfortably\t and\t sociably\t drunk.\t They\t kept\t this\t up\t until\t my curiosity\twas\ton\tthe\track\tto\thear\tthe\tstory.\tI\tgot\tto\thaunting\tBlaine;\tbut\tit\twas\tof no\tuse,\tthe\tboys\talways\tfound\tfault\twith\this\tcondition;\the\twas\toften\tmoderately but\t never\t satisfactorily\t drunk.\t I\t never\t watched\t a\t man's\t condition\t with\t such absorbing\t interest,\t such\t anxious\t solicitude;\t I\t never\t so\t pined\t to\t see\t a\t man uncompromisingly\tdrunk\tbefore.\tAt\tlast,\tone\tevening\tI\thurried\tto\this\tcabin,\tfor\tI learned\tthat\tthis\ttime\this\tsituation\twas\tsuch\tthat\teven\tthe\tmost\tfastidious\tcould find\t no\t fault\t with\t it--he\t was\t tranquilly,\t serenely,\t symmetrically\t drunk--not\t a hiccup\tto\tmar\this\tvoice,\tnot\ta\tcloud\tupon\this\tbrain\tthick\tenough\tto\tobscure\this memory.\t As\t I\t entered,\t he\t was\t sitting\t upon\t an\t empty\t powder-keg,\t with\t a\t clay pipe\t in\t one\t hand\t and\t the\t other\t raised\t to\t command\t silence.\t His\t face\t was\t round, red,\t and\t very\t serious;\t his\t throat\t was\t bare\t and\t his\t hair\t tumbled;\t in\t general appearance\tand\tcostume\the\twas\ta\tstalwart\tminer\tof\tthe\tperiod.\tOn\tthe\tpine\ttable stood\t a\t candle,\t and\t its\t dim\t light\t revealed\t \\\"the\t boys\\\"\t sitting\t here\t and\t there\t on bunks,\tcandle-boxes,\tpowder-kegs,\tetc.\tThey\tsaid: \\\"Sh--!\tDon't\tspeak--he's\tgoing\tto\tcommence.\\\" I\tfound\ta\tseat\tat\tonce,\tand\tBlaine\tsaid: \t \\\"I\t don't\t reckon\t them\t times\t will\t ever\t come\t again.\t There\t never\t was\t a\t more bullier\told\tram\tthan\twhat\the\twas.\tGrandfather\tfetched\thim\tfrom\tIllinois--got\thim of\ta\tman\tby\tthe\tname\tof\tYates--Bill\tYates--maybe\tyou\tmight\thave\theard\tof\thim; his\tfather\twas\ta\tdeacon--Baptist--and\the\twas\ta\trustler,\ttoo;\ta\tman\thad\tto\tget\tup ruther\tearly\tto\tget\tthe\tstart\tof\told\tThankful\tYates;\tit\twas\thim\tthat\tput\tthe\tGreens up\t to\t j'ining\t teams\t with\t my\t grandfather\t when\t he\t moved\t west.\t Seth\t Green\t was prob'ly\t the\t pick\t of\t the\t flock;\t he\t married\t a\t Wilkerson--Sarah\t Wilkerson--good cretur,\tshe\twas--one\tof\tthe\tlikeliest\theifers\tthat\twas\tever\traised\tin\told\tStoddard, everybody\tsaid\tthat\tknowed\ther.\tShe\tcould\theft\ta\tbar'l\tof\tflour\tas\teasy\tas\tI\tcan flirt\t a\t flapjack.\t And\t spin?\t Don't\t mention\t it!\t Independent?\t Humph!\t When\t Sile Hawkins\t come\t a-browsing\t around\t her,\t she\t let\t him\t know\t that\t for\t all\t his\t tin\t he couldn't\t trot\t in\t harness\t alongside\t of\t her.\t You\t see,\t Sile\t Hawkins\t was--no,\t it","warn't\t Sile\t Hawkins,\t after\t all--it\t was\t a\t galoot\t by\t the\t name\t of\t Filkins--I disremember\this\tfirst\tname;\tbut\the\twas\ta\tstump--come\tinto\tpra'r-meeting\tdrunk, one\t night,\t hooraying\t for\t Nixon,\t becuz\t he\t thought\t it\t was\t a\t primary;\t and\t old Deacon\tFerguson\tup\tand\tscooted\thim\tthrough\tthe\twindow\tand\the\tlit\ton\told\tMiss Jefferson's\thead,\tpoor\told\tfilly.\tShe\twas\ta\tgood\tsoul--had\ta\tglass\teye\tand\tused\tto lend\tit\tto\told\tMiss\tWagner,\tthat\thadn't\tany,\tto\treceive\tcompany\tin;\tit\twarn't\tbig enough,\t and\t when\t Miss\t Wagner\t warn't\t noticing,\t it\t would\t get\t twisted\t around\t in the\tsocket,\tand\tlook\tup,\tmaybe,\tor\tout\tto\tone\tside,\tand\tevery\twhich\tway,\twhile t'other\t one\t was\t looking\t as\t straight\t ahead\t as\t a\t spy-glass.\t Grown\t people\t didn't mind\t it,\t but\t it\t 'most\t always\t made\t the\t children\t cry,\t it\t was\t so\t sort\t of\t scary.\t She tried\tpacking\tit\tin\traw\tcotton,\tbut\tit\twouldn't\twork,\tsomehow--the\tcotton\twould get\tloose\tand\tstick\tout\tand\tlook\tso\tkind\tof\tawful\tthat\tthe\tchildren\tcouldn't\tstand it\t no\t way.\t She\t was\t always\t dropping\t it\t out,\t and\t turning\t up\t her\t old\t deadlight\t on the\tcompany\tempty,\tand\tmaking\tthem\toncomfortable,\tbecuz\tshe\tnever\tcould\ttell when\tit\thopped\tout,\tbeing\tblind\ton\tthat\tside,\tyou\tsee.\tSo\tsomebody\twould\thave to\thunch\ther\tand\tsay,\t'Your\tgame\teye\thas\tfetched\tloose,\tMiss\tWagner,\tdear'--and then\t all\tof\tthem\twould\thave\tto\tsit\tand\twait\ttill\tshe\tjammed\tit\t in\t again--wrong side\t before,\t as\t a\t general\t thing,\t and\t green\t as\t a\t bird's\t egg,\t being\t a\t bashful\t cretur and\t easy\t sot\t back\t before\t company.\t But\t being\t wrong\t side\t before\t warn't\t much difference,\tanyway,\tbecuz\ther\town\teye\twas\tsky-blue\tand\tthe\tglass\tone\twas\tyaller on\t the\t front\t side,\t so\t whichever\t way\t she\t turned\t it\t it\t didn't\t match\t nohow.\t Old Miss\tWagner\twas\tconsiderable\ton\tthe\tborrow,\tshe\twas.\tWhen\tshe\thad\ta\tquilting, or\t Dorcas\t S'iety\t at\t her\t house\t she\t gen'ally\t borrowed\t Miss\t Higgins's\t wooden\t leg to\tstump\taround\ton;\tit\twas\tconsiderable\tshorter\tthan\ther\tother\tpin,\tbut\tmuch\tshe minded\tthat.\tShe\tsaid\tshe\tcouldn't\tabide\tcrutches\twhen\tshe\thad\tcompany,\tbecuz they\t were\t so\t slow;\t said\t when\t she\t had\t company\t and\t things\t had\t to\t be\t done,\t she wanted\tto\tget\tup\tand\thump\therself.\tShe\twas\tas\tbald\tas\ta\tjug,\tand\tso\tshe\tused\tto borrow\tMiss\tJacops's\twig--Miss\tJacops\twas\tthe\tcoffin-peddler's\twife--a\tratty\told buzzard,\the\twas,\tthat\tused\tto\tgo\troosting\taround\twhere\tpeople\twas\tsick,\twaiting for\t'em;\tand\tthere\tthat\told\trip\twould\tsit\tall\tday,\tin\tthe\tshade,\ton\ta\tcoffin\tthat\the judged\t would\t fit\t the\t can'idate;\t and\t if\t it\t was\t a\t slow\t customer\t and\t kind\t of uncertain,\t he'd\t fetch\t his\t rations\t and\t a\t blanket\t along\t and\t sleep\t in\t the\t coffin nights.\tHe\twas\tanchored\tout\tthat\tway,\tin\tfrosty\tweather,\tfor\tabout\tthree\tweeks, once,\tbefore\told\tRobbins's\tplace,\twaiting\tfor\thim;\tand\tafter\tthat,\tfor\tas\tmuch\tas two\tyears,\tJacops\twas\tnot\ton\tspeaking\tterms\twith\tthe\told\tman,\ton\taccount\tof\this disapp'inting\t him.\t He\t got\t one\t of\t his\t feet\t froze,\t and\t lost\t money,\t too,\t becuz\t old Robbins\t took\t a\t favorable\t turn\t and\t got\t well.\t The\t next\t time\t Robbins\t got\t sick,","Jacops\t tried\t to\t make\t up\t with\t him,\t and\t varnished\t up\t the\t same\t old\t coffin\t and fetched\t it\t along;\t but\t old\t Robbins\t was\t too\t many\t for\t him;\t he\t had\t him\t in,\t and 'peared\tto\tbe\tpowerful\tweak;\the\tbought\tthe\tcoffin\tfor\tten\tdollars\tand\tJacops\twas to\tpay\tit\tback\tand\ttwenty-five\tmore\tbesides\tif\tRobbins\tdidn't\tlike\tthe\tcoffin\tafter he'd\ttried\tit.\tAnd\tthen\tRobbins\tdied,\tand\tat\tthe\tfuneral\the\tbursted\toff\tthe\tlid\tand riz\tup\tin\this\tshroud\tand\ttold\tthe\tparson\tto\tlet\tup\ton\tthe\tperformances,\tbecuz\the could\t not\t stand\t such\t a\t coffin\t as\t that.\t You\t see\t he\t had\t been\t in\t a\t trance\t once before,\twhen\the\twas\tyoung,\tand\the\ttook\tthe\tchances\ton\tanother,\tcal'lating\tthat\tif he\t made\t the\t trip\t it\t was\t money\t in\t his\t pocket,\t and\t if\t he\t missed\t fire\t he\t couldn't lose\ta\tcent.\tAnd,\tby\tGeorge,\the\tsued\tJacops\tfor\tthe\trhino\tand\tgot\tjudgment;\tand he\tset\tup\tthe\tcoffin\tin\this\tback\tparlor\tand\tsaid\the\t'lowed\tto\ttake\this\ttime,\tnow.\tIt was\talways\tan\taggravation\tto\tJacops,\tthe\tway\tthat\tmiserable\told\tthing\tacted.\tHe moved\tback\tto\tIndiany\tpretty\tsoon--went\tto\tWellsville--Wellsville\twas\tthe\tplace the\t Hogadorns\t was\t from.\t Mighty\t fine\t family.\t Old\t Maryland\t stock.\t Old\t Squire Hogadorn\tcould\tcarry\taround\tmore\tmixed\tlicker,\tand\tcuss\tbetter\tthan\t'most\tany man\t I\t ever\t see.\t His\t second\t wife\t was\t the\t Widder\t Billings--she\t that\t was\t Becky Martin;\t her\t dam\t was\t Deacon\t Dunlap's\t first\t wife.\t Her\t oldest\t child,\t Maria, married\ta\tmissionary\tand\tdied\tin\tgrace--et\tup\tby\tthe\tsavages.\tThey\tet\thim,\ttoo, poor\t feller--biled\t him.\t It\t warn't\t the\t custom,\t so\t they\t say,\t but\t they\t explained\t to friends\t of\t his'n\t that\t went\t down\t there\t to\t bring\t away\t his\t things,\t that\t they'd\t tried missionaries\tevery\tother\tway\tand\tnever\tcould\tget\tany\tgood\tout\tof\t'em--and\tso\tit annoyed\tall\this\trelations\tto\tfind\tout\tthat\tthat\tman's\tlife\twas\tfooled\taway\tjust\tout of\ta\tdern'd\texperiment,\tso\tto\tspeak.\tBut\tmind\tyou,\tthere\tain't\tanything\tever\treely lost;\t everything\t that\t people\t can't\t understand\t and\t don't\t see\t the\t reason\t of\t does good\tif\tyou\tonly\thold\ton\tand\tgive\tit\ta\tfair\tshake;\tProv'dence\tdon't\tfire\tno\tblank ca'tridges,\t boys.\t That\t there\t missionary's\t substance,\t unbeknowns\t to\t himself, acu'ly\t converted\t every\t last\t one\t of\t them\t heathens\t that\t took\t a\t chance\t at\t the barbecue.\t Nothing\t ever\t fetched\t them\t but\t that.\t Don't\t tell\t me\t it\t was\t an\t accident that\t he\t was\t biled.\t There\t ain't\t no\t such\t a\t thing\t as\t an\t accident.\t When\t my\t Uncle Lem\t was\t leaning\t up\t agin\t a\t scaffolding\t once,\t sick,\t or\t drunk,\t or\t suthin,\t an Irishman\twith\ta\thod\tfull\tof\tbricks\tfell\ton\thim\tout\tof\tthe\tthird\tstory\tand\tbroke\tthe old\t man's\t back\t in\t two\t places.\t People\t said\t it\t was\t an\t accident.\t Much\t accident there\twas\tabout\tthat.\tHe\tdidn't\tknow\twhat\the\twas\tthere\tfor,\tbut\the\twas\tthere\tfor a\t good\t object.\t If\t he\t hadn't\t been\t there\t the\t Irishman\t would\t have\t been\t killed. Nobody\t can\t ever\t make\t me\t believe\t anything\t different\t from\t that.\t Uncle\t Lem's dog\twas\tthere.\tWhy\tdidn't\tthe\tIrishman\tfall\ton\tthe\tdog?\tBecuz\tthe\tdog\twould\t'a' seen\t him\t a-coming\t and\t stood\t from\t under.\t That's\t the\t reason\t the\t dog\t warn't","app'inted.\t A\t dog\t can't\t be\t depended\t on\t to\t carry\t out\t a\t special\t prov'dence.\t Mark my\t words,\t it\t was\t a\t put-up\t thing.\t Accidents\t don't\t happen,\t boys.\t Uncle\t Lem's dog--I\twish\tyou\tcould\t'a'\tseen\tthat\tdog.\tHe\twas\ta\treg'lar\tshepherd--or\truther\the was\t part\t bull\t and\t part\t shepherd--splendid\t animal;\t belonged\t to\t Parson\t Hagar before\t Uncle\t Lem\t got\t him.\t Parson\t Hagar\t belonged\t to\t the\t Western\t Reserve Hagars;\t prime\t family;\t his\t mother\t was\t a\t Watson;\t one\t of\t his\t sisters\t married\t a Wheeler;\tthey\tsettled\tin\tMorgan\tCounty,\tand\the\tgot\tnipped\tby\tthe\tmachinery\tin a\tcarpet\tfactory\tand\twent\tthrough\tin\tless\tthan\ta\tquarter\tof\ta\tminute;\this\twidder bought\t the\t piece\t of\t carpet\t that\t had\t his\t remains\t wove\t in,\t and\t people\t come\t a hundred\t mile\t to\t 'tend\t the\t funeral.\t There\t was\t fourteen\t yards\t in\t the\t piece.\t She wouldn't\t let\t them\t roll\t him\t up,\t but\t planted\t him\t just\t so--full\t length.\t The\t church was\tmiddling\tsmall\twhere\tthey\tpreached\tthe\tfuneral,\tand\tthey\thad\tto\tlet\tone\tend of\t the\t coffin\t stick\t out\t of\t the\t window.\t They\t didn't\t bury\t him--they\t planted\t one end,\tand\tlet\thim\tstand\tup,\tsame\tas\ta\tmonument.\tAnd\tthey\tnailed\ta\tsign\ton\tit\tand put--put\t on--put\t on\t it--sacred\t to--the\t m-e-m-o-r-y--of\t fourteen\t y-a-r-d-s--of three-ply--car\t-\t-\t -\t pet--containing\t all\tthat\twas--m-o-r-t-a-l--of--of--\t W-i-l-l-i-a- m--W-h-e--\\\" \t Jim\t Blaine\t had\t been\t growing\t gradually\t drowsy\t and\t drowsier--his\t head nodded,\tonce,\ttwice,\tthree\ttimes--dropped\tpeacefully\tupon\this\tbreast,\tand\the\tfell tranquilly\t asleep.\t The\t tears\t were\t running\t down\t the\t boys'\t cheeks--they\t were suffocating\twith\tsuppressed\tlaughter--and\thad\tbeen\tfrom\tthe\tstart,\tthough\tI\thad never\t noticed\t it.\t I\t perceived\t that\t I\t was\t \\\"sold.\\\"\t I\t learned\t then\t that\t Jim\t Blaine's peculiarity\t was\t that\t whenever\t he\t reached\t a\t certain\t stage\t of\t intoxication,\t no human\t power\t could\t keep\t him\t from\t setting\t out,\t with\t impressive\t unction,\t to\t tell about\ta\twonderful\t adventure\twhich\the\thad\tonce\thad\twith\t his\tgrandfather's\t old ram--and\tthe\tmention\tof\tthe\tram\tin\tthe\tfirst\tsentence\twas\tas\tfar\tas\tany\tman\thad ever\theard\thim\tget,\tconcerning\tit.\tHe\talways\tmaundered\toff,\tinterminably,\tfrom one\tthing\tto\tanother,\ttill\this\twhisky\tgot\tthe\tbest\tof\thim,\tand\the\tfell\tasleep.\tWhat the\t thing\t was\t that\t happened\t to\t him\t and\t his\t grandfather's\t old\t ram\t is\t a\t dark mystery\tto\tthis\tday,\tfor\tnobody\thas\tever\tyet\tfound\tout. From\tROUGHING\tIT,\t1872","TOM\tQUARTZ ONE\tOF\tmy\tcomrades\tthere2--another\tof\tthose\tvictims\tof\teighteen\tyears\tof unrequited\ttoil\tand\tblighted\thopes--was\tone\tof\tthe\tgentlest\tspirits\tthat\tever\tbore its\tpatient\tcross\tin\ta\tweary\texile:\tgrave\tand\tsimple\tDick\tBaker,\tpocket-miner\tof Dead-Horse\tGulch.\tHe\twas\tforty-six,\tgray\tas\ta\trat,\tearnest,\tthoughtful,\tslenderly educated,\t slouchily\t dressed,\tand\tclay-soiled,\tbut\this\theart\twas\tfiner\tmetal\tthan any\tgold\this\tshovel\tever\tbrought\tto\tlight--than\tany,\tindeed,\tthat\tever\twas\tmined or\tminted. Whenever\t he\t was\t out\t of\t luck\t and\t a\t little\t downhearted,\t he\t would\t fall\t to mourning\tover\tthe\tloss\tof\ta\twonderful\tcat\the\tused\tto\town\t(for\twhere\twomen\tand children\t are\t not,\t men\t of\t kindly\t impulses\t take\t up\t with\t pets,\t for\t they\t must\t love something).\tAnd\the\talways\tspoke\tof\tthe\tstrange\tsagacity\tof\tthat\tcat\twith\tthe\tair of\ta\tman\twho\tbelieved\tin\this\tsecret\theart\tthat\tthere\twas\tsomething\thuman\tabout it--maybe\teven\tsupernatural. I\theard\thim\ttalking\tabout\tthis\tanimal\tonce.\tHe\tsaid: \\\"Gentlemen,\t I\t used\t to\t have\t a\t cat\t here,\t by\t the\t name\t of\t Tom\t Quartz,\t which you'd\t'a'\ttook\tan\tinterest\tin,\tI\treckon--most\tanybody\twould.\tI\thad\thim\there\teight year--and\the\twas\tthe\tremarkablest\tcat\tI\tever\tsee.\tHe\twas\ta\tlarge\tgray\tone\tof\tthe Tom\tspecie,\tan'\the\thad\tmore\thard,\tnatchral\tsense\tthan\tany\tman\tin\tthis\tcamp--'n' a\t power\t of\t dignity--he\t wouldn't\t let\t the\t Gov'ner\t of\t Californy\t be\t familiar\t with him.\tHe\tnever\tketched\ta\trat\tin\this\tlife--'peared\tto\tbe\tabove\tit.\tHe\tnever\tcared\tfor nothing\tbut\tmining.\tHe\tknowed\tmore\tabout\tmining,\tthat\tcat\tdid,\tthan\tany\tman\tI ever,\t ever\t see.\t You\t couldn't\t tell\t him\t noth'n'\t 'bout\t placer-diggin's--'n'\t as\t for pocket-mining,\t why\t he\t was\t just\t born\t for\t it.\t He\t would\t dig\t out\t after\t me\t an'\t Jim when\twe\twent\tover\tthe\thills\tprospect'n',\tand\the\twould\ttrot\talong\tbehind\tus\tfor\tas much\tas\tfive\tmile,\tif\twe\twent\tso\tfur.\tAn'\the\thad\tthe\tbest\tjudgment\tabout\tmining- ground--why\tyou\tnever\tsee\tanything\tlike\tit.\tWhen\twe\twent\tto\twork,\the'd\tscatter a\t glance\t around,\t 'n'\t if\t he\t didn't\t think\t much\t of\t the\t indications,\t he\t would\t give\t a look\t as\t much\t as\t to\t say,\t 'Well,\t I'll\t have\t to\t get\t you\t to\t excuse\t me,'\t 'n'\t without another\t word\t he'd\t hyste\t his\t nose\t into\t the\t air\t 'n'\t shove\t for\t home.\t But\t if\t the ground\tsuited\thim,\the\twould\tlay\tlow\t'n'\tkeep\tdark\ttill\tthe\tfirst\tpan\twas\twashed, 'n'\t then\t he\t would\t sidle\t up\t 'n'\t take\t a\t look,\t an'\t if\t there\t was\t about\t six\t or\t seven grains\tof\tgold\the\twas\tsatisfied--he\tdidn't\twant\tno\tbetter\tprospect\t'n'\tthat--'n'\tthen he\t would\t lay\t down\t on\t our\t coats\t and\t snore\t like\t a\t steamboat\t till\t we'd\t struck\t the pocket,\tan'\tthen\tget\tup\t'n'\tsuperintend.\tHe\twas\tnearly\tlightnin'\ton\tsuperintending. \\\"Well,\tby\tan'\tby,\tup\tcomes\tthis\tyer\tquartz\texcitement.\tEverybody\twas\tinto\tit-","-everybody\t was\t pick'n'\t 'n'\t blast'n'\t instead\t of\t shovelin'\t dirt\t on\t the\t hillside-- everybody\twas\tput'n'\tdown\ta\tshaft\tinstead\tof\tscrapin'\tthe\tsurface.\tNoth'n'\twould do\tJim,\tbut\twe\tmust\ttackle\tthe\tledges,\ttoo,\t'n'\tso\twe\tdid.\tWe\tcommenced\tputt'n' down\ta\tshaft,\t'n'\tTom\tQuartz\the\tbegin\tto\twonder\twhat\tin\tthe\tDickens\tit\twas\tall about.\t He\t hadn't\t ever\t seen\t any\t mining\t like\t that\t before,\t 'n'\t he\t was\t all\t upset,\t as you\tmay\tsay--he\tcouldn't\tcome\tto\ta\tright\tunderstanding\tof\tit\tno\tway--it\twas\ttoo many\t for\t him.\t He\t was\t down\t on\t it,\t too,\t you\t bet\t you--he\t was\t down\t on\t it powerful--'n'\t always\t appeared\t to\t consider\t it\t the\t cussedest\t foolishness\t out.\t But that\t cat,\t you\t know,\t was\t always\t agin\t new-fangled\t arrangements--somehow\t he never\t could\t abide\t 'em.\t You\t know\t how\t it\t is\t with\t old\t habits.\t But\t by\t an'\t by\t Tom Quartz\t begin\tto\t git\tsort\tof\treconciled\ta\tlittle,\t though\the\tnever\tcould\taltogether understand\t that\t eternal\t sinkin'\t of\t a\t shaft\t an'\t never\t pannin'\t out\t anything.\t At\t last he\tgot\tto\tcomin'\tdown\tin\tthe\tshaft,\thisself,\tto\ttry\tto\tcipher\tit\tout.\tAn'\twhen\the'd git\t the\tblues,\t'n'\tfeel\tkind\to'\t scruffy,\t'n'\taggravated\t'n'\t disgusted--knowin'\tas\the did,\t that\t the\t bills\t was\t runnin'\t up\t all\t the\t time\t an'\t we\t warn't\t makin'\t a\t cent--he would\tcurl\tup\ton\ta\tgunny-sack\tin\tthe\tcorner\tan'\tgo\tto\tsleep.\tWell,\tone\tday\twhen the\tshaft\twas\tdown\tabout\teight\tfoot,\tthe\trock\tgot\tso\thard\tthat\twe\thad\tto\tput\tin\ta blast--the\tfirst\tblast'n'\twe'd\tever\tdone\tsince\tTom\tQuartz\twas\tborn.\tAn'\tthen\twe\tlit the\t fuse\t 'n'\t clumb\t out\t 'n'\t got\t off\t 'bout\t fifty\t yards--'n'\t forgot\t 'n'\t left\t Tom\t Quartz sound\tasleep\ton\tthe\tgunny-sack.\tIn\t'bout\ta\tminute\twe\tseen\ta\tpuff\tof\tsmoke\tbust up\t out\t of\t the\t hole,\t 'n'\t then\t everything\t let\t go\t with\t an\t awful\t crash,\t 'n'\t about\t four million\tton\tof\trocks\t'n'\tdirt\t'n'\tsmoke\t'n'\tsplinters\tshot\tup\t'bout\ta\tmile\tan'\ta\thalf into\tthe\tair,\tan'\tby\tGeorge,\tright\tin\tthe\tdead\tcenter\tof\tit\twas\told\tTom\tQuartz\ta- goin'\t end\t over\t end,\t an'\t a-snortin'\t an'\t a-sneez'n',\t an'\t a-clawin'\t an'\t a-reachin'\t for things\t like\t all\t possessed.\t But\t it\t warn't\t no\t use,\t you\t know,\t it\t warn't\t no\t use.\t An' that\twas\tthe\tlast\twe\tsee\tof\thim\tfor\tabout\ttwo\tminutes\t'n'\ta\thalf,\tan'\tthen\tall\tof\ta sudden\tit\tbegin\tto\train\trocks\tand\trubbage,\tan'\tdirectly\the\tcome\tdown\tker-whop about\tten\tfoot\toff\tf'm\twhere\twe\tstood.\tWell,\tI\treckon\the\twas\tp'raps\tthe\torneriest- lookin'\t beast\t you\t ever\t see.\t One\t ear\t was\t sot\t back\t on\t his\t neck,\t 'n'\t his\t tail\t was stove\t up,\t 'n'\t his\t eye-winkers\t was\t swinged\t off,\t 'n'\t he\t was\t all\t blacked\t up\t with powder\t an'\t smoke,\t an'\t all\t sloppy\t with\t mud\t 'n'\t slush\t f'm\t one\t end\t to\t the\t other. Well,\tsir,\tit\twarn't\tno\tuse\tto\ttry\tto\tapologize--we\tcouldn't\tsay\ta\tword.\tHe\ttook\ta sort\tof\ta\tdisgusted\tlook\tat\thisself,\t'n'\tthen\the\tlooked\tat\tus--an'\tit\twas\tjust\texactly the\tsame\tas\tif\the\thad\tsaid--'Gents,\tmaybe\tyou\tthink\tit's\tsmart\tto\ttake\tadvantage of\t a\t cat\t that\t ain't\t had\t no\t experience\t of\t quartz-minin',\t but\t I\t think\t different'--an' then\t he\t turned\t on\t his\t heel\t 'n'\t marched\t off\t home\t without\t ever\t saying\t another word.","\\\"That\t was\t jest\t his\t style.\t An'\t maybe\t you\t won't\t believe\t it,\t but\t after\t that\t you never\t see\t a\t cat\t so\t prejudiced\t agin\t quartz-mining\t as\t what\t he\t was.\t An'\t by\t an'\t by when\the\tdid\tget\tto\tgoin'\tdown\tin\tthe\tshaft\tag'in,\tyou'd\t'a'\tbeen\tastonished\tat\this sagacity.\tThe\tminute\twe'd\ttetch\toff\ta\tblast\t'n'\tthe\tfuse'd\tbegin\tto\tsizzle,\the'd\tgive a\t look\t as\t much\t as\t to\t say,\t 'Well,\t I'll\t have\t to\t git\t you\t to\t excuse\t me,'\t an'\t it\t was surpris'n'\tthe\tway\the'd\tshin\tout\tof\tthat\thole\t'n'\tgo\tf'r\ta\ttree.\tSagacity?\tIt\tain't\tno name\tfor\tit.\t'Twas\tinspiration!\\\" I\tsaid,\t\\\"Well,\tMr.\tBaker,\this\tprejudice\tagainst\tquartz-mining\twas\tremarkable, considering\thow\the\tcame\tby\tit.\tCouldn't\tyou\tever\tcure\thim\tof\tit?\\\" \\\"Cure\thim!\tNo!\tWhen\tTom\tQuartz\twas\tsot\tonce,\the\twas\talways\tsot--and\tyou might\t'a'\tblowed\thim\tup\tas\tmuch\tas\tthree\tmillion\ttimes\t'n'\tyou'd\tnever\t'a'\tbroken him\tof\this\tcussed\tprejudice\tagin\tquartz-mining.\\\" The\t affection\t and\t the\t pride\t that\t lit\t up\t Baker's\t face\t when\t he\t delivered\t this tribute\tto\tthe\tfirmness\tof\this\thumble\tfriend\tof\tother\tdays,\twill\talways\tbe\ta\tvivid memory\twith\tme. From\tROUGHING\tIT,\t1872","A\tTRIAL CAPT.\tNED\tBlakely--that\tname\twill\tanswer\tas\twell\tas\tany\tother\tfictitious one\t (for\t he\t was\t still\t with\t the\t living\t at\t last\t accounts,\t and\t may\t not\t desire\t to\t be famous)--sailed\tships\tout\tof\tthe\tharbor\tof\tSan\tFrancisco\tfor\tmany\tyears.\tHe\twas a\tstalwart,\twarm-hearted,\teagle-eyed\tveteran,\twho\thad\tbeen\ta\tsailor\tnearly\tfifty years--a\t sailor\t from\t early\t boyhood.\t He\t was\t a\t rough,\t honest\t creature,\t full\t of pluck,\t and\t just\t as\t full\t of\t hardheaded\t simplicity,\t too.\t He\t hated\t trifling conventionalities--\\\"business\\\"\t was\t the\t word,\t with\t him.\t He\t had\t all\t a\t sailor's vindictiveness\t against\t the\t quips\t and\t quirks\t of\t the\t law,\t and\t steadfastly\t believed that\tthe\tfirst\tand\tlast\taim\tand\tobject\tof\tthe\tlaw\tand\tlawyers\twas\tto\tdefeat\tjustice. He\tsailed\tfor\tthe\tChincha\tIslands\tin\tcommand\tof\ta\tguano-ship.\tHe\thad\ta\tfine crew,\t but\t his\t negro\t mate\t was\t his\t pet--on\t him\t he\t had\t for\t years\t lavished\t his admiration\t and\t esteem.\t It\t was\t Capt.\t Ned's\t first\t voyage\t to\t the\t Chinchas,\t but\t his fame\t had\t gone\t before\t him--the\t fame\t of\t being\t a\t man\t who\t would\t fight\t at\t the dropping\tof\ta\thandkerchief,\twhen\timposed\tupon,\tand\twould\tstand\tno\tnonsense. It\t was\t a\t fame\t well\t earned.\t Arrived\t in\t the\t islands,\t he\t found\t that\t the\t staple\t of conversation\twas\tthe\texploits\tof\tone\tBill\tNoakes,\ta\tbully,\tthe\tmate\tof\ta\ttrading- ship.\tThis\tman\thad\tcreated\ta\tsmall\treign\tof\tterror\tthere.\tAt\tnine\to'clock\tat\tnight, Capt.\t Ned,\t all\t alone,\t was\t pacing\t his\t deck\t in\t the\t starlight.\t A\t form\t ascended\t the side,\tand\tapproached\thim.\tCapt.\tNed\tsaid: \\\"Who\tgoes\tthere?\\\" \\\"I'm\tBill\tNoakes,\tthe\tbest\tman\ton\tthe\tislands.\\\" \\\"What\tdo\tyou\twant\taboard\tthis\tship?\\\" \\\"I've\theard\tof\tCapt.\tNed\tBlakely,\tand\tone\tof\tus\tis\ta\tbetter\tman\tthan\t'tother-- I'll\tknow\twhich,\tbefore\tI\tgo\tashore.\\\" \\\"You\t have\t come\t to\t the\t right\t ship--I'm\t your\t man.\t I'll\t learn\t you\t to\t come aboard\tthis\tship\twithout\tan\tinvite.\\\" He\t seized\t Noakes,\t backed\t him\t against\t the\t mainmast,\t pounded\t his\t face\t to\t a pulp,\tand\tthen\tthrew\thim\toverboard. Noakes\twas\tnot\tconvinced.\tHe\treturned\tthe\tnext\tnight,\tgot\tthe\tpulp\trenewed, and\twent\toverboard\thead\tfirst,\tas\tbefore.\tHe\twas\tsatisfied. A\tweek\tafter\tthis,\twhile\tNoakes\twas\tcarousing\twith\ta\tsailor\tcrowd\ton\tshore, at\t noonday,\t Capt.\t Ned's\t colored\t mate\t came\t along,\t and\t Noakes\t tried\t to\t pick\t a quarrel\t with\t him.\t The\t negro\t evaded\t the\t trap,\t and\t tried\t to\t get\t away.\t Noakes followed\t him\t up;\t the\t negro\t began\t to\t run;\t Noakes\t fired\t on\t him\t with\t a\t revolver and\t killed\t him.\t Half\t a\t dozen\t sea-captains\t witnessed\t the\t whole\t affair.\t Noakes","retreated\tto\tthe\tsmall\tafter-cabin\tof\this\tship,\twith\ttwo\tother\tbullies,\tand\tgave\tout that\t death\t would\t be\t the\t portion\t of\t any\t man\t that\t intruded\t there.\t There\t was\t no attempt\tmade\tto\tfollow\tthe\tvillains;\tthere\twas\tno\tdisposition\tto\tdo\tit,\tand\tindeed very\t little\tthought\tof\tsuch\tan\tenterprise.\tThere\twere\t no\tcourts\tand\tno\t officers; there\twas\tno\tgovernment;\tthe\tislands\tbelonged\tto\tPeru,\tand\tPeru\twas\tfar\taway; she\t had\t no\t official\t representative\t on\t the\t ground;\t and\t neither\t had\t any\t other nation. However,\t Capt.\t Ned\t was\t not\t perplexing\t his\t head\t about\t such\t things.\t They concerned\t him\t not.\t He\t was\t boiling\t with\t rage\t and\t furious\t for\t justice.\t At\t nine o'clock\tat\tnight\the\tloaded\ta\tdouble-barreled\tgun\twith\tslugs,\tfished\tout\ta\tpair\tof handcuffs,\t got\t a\t ship's\t lantern,\t summoned\t his\t quartermaster,\t and\t went\t ashore. He\tsaid: \\\"Do\tyou\tsee\tthat\tship\tthere\tat\tthe\tdock?\\\" \\\"Ay-ay,\tsir.\\\" \\\"It's\tthe\tVenus.\\\" \\\"Ay-ay,\tsir.\\\" \\\"You--you\tknow\tme.\\\" \\\"Ay-ay,\tsir.\\\" \\\"Very\t well,\t then.\t Take\t the\t lantern.\t Carry\t it\t just\t under\t your\t chin.\t I'll\t walk behind\tyou\tand\trest\tthis\tgun-barrel\ton\tyour\tshoulder,\tp'inting\tforward--so.\tKeep your\tlantern\twell\tup,\tso's\tI\tcan\tsee\tthings\tahead\tof\tyou\tgood.\tI'm\tgoing\tto\tmarch in\t on\t Noakes--and\t take\t him--and\t jug\t the\t other\t chaps.\t If\t you\t flinch--well,\t you know\tme.\\\" \\\"Ay-ay,\tsir.\\\" In\t this\t order\t they\t filed\t aboard\t softly,\t arrived\t at\t Noakes's\t den,\t the quartermaster\t pushed\t the\t door\t open,\t and\t the\t lantern\t revealed\t the\t three desperadoes\tsitting\ton\tthe\tfloor.\tCapt.\tNed\tsaid: \\\"I'm\t Ned\t Blakely.\t I've\t got\t you\t under\t fire.\t Don't\t you\t move\t without\t orders-- any\t of\t you.\t You\t two\t kneel\t down\t in\t the\t corner;\t faces\t to\t the\t wall--now.\t Bill Noakes,\t put\t these\t handcuffs\t on;\t now\t come\t up\t close.\t Quartermaster,\t fasten\t 'em. All\t right.\t Don't\t stir,\t sir.\t Quartermaster,\t put\t the\t key\t in\t the\t outside\t of\t the\t door. Now,\t men,\t I'm\t going\t to\t lock\t you\t two\t in;\t and\t if\t you\t try\t to\t burst\t through\t this door--well,\tyou've\theard\t of\tme.\t Bill\t Noakes,\t fall\t in\t ahead,\t and\t march.\t All\t set. Quartermaster,\tlock\tthe\tdoor.\\\" Noakes\tspent\tthe\tnight\ton\tboard\tBlakely's\tship,\ta\tprisoner\tunder\tstrict\tguard. Early\t in\t the\t morning\t Capt.\t Ned\t called\t in\t all\t the\t sea-captains\t in\t the\t harbor\t and invited\t them,\t with\t nautical\t ceremony,\t to\t be\t present\t on\t board\t his\t ship\t at\t nine","o'clock\tto\twitness\tthe\thanging\tof\tNoakes\tat\tthe\tyard-arm! \\\"What!\tThe\tman\thas\tnot\tbeen\ttried.\\\" \\\"Of\tcourse\the\thasn't.\tBut\tdidn't\the\tkill\tthe\tnigger?\\\" \\\"Certainly\the\tdid;\tbut\tyou\tare\tnot\tthinking\tof\thanging\thim\twithout\ta\ttrial?\\\" \\\"Trial!\tWhat\tdo\tI\twant\tto\ttry\thim\tfor,\tif\the\tkilled\tthe\tnigger?\\\" \\\"Oh,\tCapt.\tNed,\tthis\twill\tnever\tdo.\tThink\thow\tit\twill\tsound.\\\" \\\"Sound\tbe\thanged!\tDidn't\the\tkill\tthe\tnigger?\\\" \\\"Certainly,\tcertainly,\tCapt.\tNed--nobody\tdenies\tthat--but--\\\" \\\"Then\tI'm\tgoing\tto\t hang\t him,\t that's\t all.\t Everybody\t I've\t talked\t to\t talks\t just the\tsame\tway\tyou\tdo.\tEverybody\tsays\the\tkilled\tthe\tnigger,\teverybody\tknows\the killed\t the\t nigger,\t and\t yet\t every\t lubber\t of\t you\t wants\t him\t tried\t for\t it.\t I\t don't understand\t such\t bloody\t foolishness\t as\t that.\t Tried!\t Mind\t you,\t I\t don't\t object\t to trying\thim\tif\tit's\tgot\tto\tbe\tdone\tto\tgive\tsatisfaction;\tand\tI'll\tbe\tthere,\tand\tchip\tin and\thelp,\ttoo;\tbut\tput\tit\toff\ttill\tafternoon--put\tit\toff\ttill\tafternoon,\tfor\tI'll\thave\tmy hands\tmiddling\tfull\ttill\tafter\tthe\tburying--\\\" \\\"Why,\twhat\tdo\tyou\tmean?\tAre\tyou\tgoing\tto\thang\thim\tanyhow--and\ttry\thim afterward?\\\" \\\"Didn't\t I\t say\t I\t was\t going\t to\t hang\t him?\t I\t never\t saw\t such\t people\t as\t you. What's\tthe\tdifference?\tYou\task\ta\tfavor,\tand\tthen\tyou\tain't\tsatisfied\twhen\tyou\tget it.\tBefore\tor\tafter's\tall\tone--you\tknow\thow\tthe\ttrial\twill\tgo.\tHe\tkilled\tthe\tnigger. Say--I\tmust\tbe\tgoing.\tIf\tyour\tmate\twould\tlike\tto\tcome\tto\tthe\thanging,\tfetch\thim along.\tI\tlike\thim.\\\" There\twas\ta\tstir\tin\tthe\tcamp.\tThe\tcaptains\tcame\tin\ta\tbody\tand\tpleaded\twith Capt.\tNed\tnot\tto\tdo\tthis\trash\tthing.\tThey\tpromised\tthat\tthey\twould\tcreate\ta\tcourt composed\t of\t captains\t of\t the\t best\t character;\t they\t would\t impanel\t a\t jury;\t they would\tconduct\teverything\tin\ta\tway\tbecoming\tthe\tserious\tnature\tof\tthe\tbusiness in\thand,\tand\tgive\tthe\tcase\tan\timpartial\thearing\tand\tthe\taccused\ta\tfair\ttrial.\tAnd they\t said\t it\t would\t be\t murder,\t and\t punishable\t by\t the\t American\t courts\t if\t he persisted\tand\thung\tthe\taccused\ton\this\tship.\tThey\tpleaded\thard.\tCapt.\tNed\tsaid: \\\"Gentlemen,\t I'm\t not\t stubborn\t and\t I'm\t not\t unreasonable.\t I'm\t always\t willing to\tdo\tjust\tas\tnear\tright\tas\tI\tcan.\tHow\tlong\twill\tit\ttake?\\\" \\\"Probably\tonly\ta\tlittle\twhile.\\\" \\\"And\tcan\tI\ttake\thim\tup\tthe\tshore\tand\thang\thim\tas\tsoon\tas\tyou\tare\tdone?\\\" \\\"If\the\tis\tproven\tguilty\the\tshall\tbe\thanged\twithout\tunnecessary\tdelay.\\\" \\\"If\t he's\t proven\t guilty.\t Great\t Neptune,\t ain't\t he\t guilty?\t This\t beats\t my\t time. Why\tyou\tall\tknow\the's\tguilty.\\\" But\tat\tlast\tthey\tsatisfied\thim\tthat\tthey\twere\tprojecting\tnothing\tunderhanded.","Then\the\tsaid: \\\"Well,\t all\t right.\t You\t go\t on\t and\t try\t him\t and\t I'll\t go\t down\t and\t overhaul\t his conscience\t and\t prepare\t him\t to\t go--like\t enough\t he\t needs\t it,\t and\t I\t don't\t want\t to send\thim\toff\twithout\ta\tshow\tfor\thereafter.\\\" This\twas\tanother\tobstacle.\tThey\tfinally\tconvinced\thim\tthat\tit\twas\tnecessary to\t have\t the\t accused\t in\t court.\t Then\t they\t said\t they\t would\t send\t a\t guard\t to\t bring him. \\\"No,\tsir,\tI\tprefer\tto\tfetch\thim\tmyself--he\tdon't\tget\tout\tof\tmy\thands.\tBesides, I've\tgot\tto\tgo\tto\tthe\tship\tto\tget\ta\trope,\tanyway.\\\" The\t court\t assembled\t with\t due\t ceremony,\t impaneled\t a\t jury,\t and\t presently Capt.\tNed\tentered,\tleading\tthe\tprisoner\twith\tone\thand\tand\tcarrying\ta\tBible\tand\ta rope\tin\tthe\tother.\tHe\tseated\thimself\tby\tthe\tside\tof\this\tcaptive\tand\ttold\tthe\tcourt to\t\\\"up\tanchor\tand\tmake\tsail.\\\"\t Then\the\tturned\t a\tsearching\teye\ton\tthe\tjury,\t and detected\t Noakes's\t friends,\t the\t two\t bullies.\t He\t strode\t over\t and\t said\t to\t them confidentially: \\\"You're\there\tto\tinterfere,\tyou\tsee.\tNow\tyou\tvote\tright,\tdo\tyou\thear?--or\telse there'll\t be\t a\t double-barreled\t inquest\t here\t when\t this\t trial's\t off,\t and\t your remainders\twill\tgo\thome\tin\ta\tcouple\tof\tbaskets.\\\" The\tcaution\twas\tnot\twithout\tfruit.\tThe\tjury\twas\ta\tunit--the\tverdict,\t\\\"Guilty.\\\" Capt.\tNed\tsprung\tto\this\tfeet\tand\tsaid: \\\"Come\t along--you're\t my\t meat\t now,\t my\t lad,\t anyway.\t Gentlemen,\t you've done\t yourselves\t proud.\t I\t invite\t you\t all\t to\t come\t and\t see\t that\t I\t do\t it\t all\t straight. Follow\tme\tto\tthe\tcanon,\ta\tmile\tabove\there.\\\" The\tcourt\tinformed\thim\tthat\ta\tsheriff\thad\tbeen\tappointed\tto\tdo\tthe\thanging, and-- Capt.\tNed's\tpatience\twas\tat\tan\tend.\tHis\twrath\twas\tboundless.\tThe\tsubject\tof a\tsheriff\twas\tjudiciously\tdropped. When\tthe\tcrowd\tarrived\tat\tthe\tcanon,\tCapt.\tNed\tclimbed\ta\ttree\tand\tarranged the\t halter,\t then\t came\t down\t and\t noosed\t his\t man.\t He\t opened\t his\t Bible,\t and\t laid aside\t his\that.\tSelecting\ta\tchapter\tat\trandom,\the\tread\tit\tthrough,\tin\ta\t deep\tbass voice\tand\twith\tsincere\tsolemnity.\tThen\the\tsaid: \\\"Lad,\t you\t are\t about\t to\t go\t aloft\t and\t give\t an\t account\t of\t yourself;\t and\t the lighter\ta\tman's\tmanifest\tis,\tas\tfar\tas\tsin's\tconcerned,\tthe\tbetter\tfor\thim.\tMake\ta clean\tbreast,\tman,\tand\tcarry\ta\tlog\twith\tyou\tthat'll\tbear\tinspection.\tYou\tkilled\tthe nigger?\\\" No\treply.\tA\tlong\tpause. The\tcaptain\tread\tanother\tchapter,\tpausing,\tfrom\ttime\tto\ttime,\tto\timpress\tthe","effect.\t Then\t he\t talked\t an\t earnest,\t persuasive\t sermon\t to\t him,\t and\t ended\t by repeating\tthe\tquestion: \\\"Did\tyou\tkill\tthe\tnigger?\\\" No\t reply--other\t than\t a\t malignant\t scowl.\t The\t captain\t now\t read\t the\t first\t and second\t chapters\t of\t Genesis,\t with\t deep\t feeling,\t paused\t a\t moment,\t closed\t the book\treverently,\tand\tsaid\twith\ta\tperceptible\tsavor\tof\tsatisfaction: \\\"There.\t Four\t chapters.\t There's\t few\t that\t would\t have\t took\t the\t pains\t with\t you that\tI\thave.\\\" Then\t he\t swung\t up\t the\t condemned,\t and\t made\t the\t rope\t fast;\t stood\t by\t and timed\thim\thalf\tan\thour\twith\this\twatch,\tand\tthen\tdelivered\tthe\tbody\tto\tthe\tcourt. A\tlittle\tafter,\tas\the\tstood\tcontemplating\tthe\tmotionless\tfigure,\ta\tdoubt\tcame\tinto his\tface;\tevidently\the\tfelt\ta\ttwinge\tof\tconscience--a\tmisgiving--and\the\tsaid\twith a\tsigh: \\\"Well,\t p'raps\t I\t ought\t to\t burnt\t him,\t maybe.\t But\t I\t was\t trying\t to\t do\t for\t the best.\\\" When\tthe\thistory\tof\tthis\taffair\treached\tCalifornia\t(it\twas\tin\tthe\t\\\"early\tdays\\\") it\tmade\ta\tdeal\tof\ttalk,\tbut\tdid\tnot\tdiminish\tthe\tcaptain's\tpopularity\tin\tany\tdegree. It\t increased\t it,\t indeed.\t California\t had\t a\t population\t then\t that\t \\\"inflicted\\\"\t justice after\ta\tfashion\tthat\twas\tsimplicity\tand\tprimitiveness\t itself,\t and\tcould\ttherefore admire\tappreciatively\twhen\tthe\tsame\tfashion\twas\tfollowed\telsewhere. From\tROUGHING\tIT,\t1872","THE\tTRIALS\tOF\tSIMON\tERICKSON WE\t STOPPED\t some\t time\t at\t one\t of\t the\t plantations,\t to\t rest\t ourselves\t and refresh\tthe\thorses.\tWe\thad\ta\tchatty\tconversation\twith\tseveral\tgentlemen\tpresent; but\t there\t was\t one\t person,\t a\t middle-aged\t man,\t with\t an\t absent\t look\t in\t his\t face, who\tsimply\tglanced\tup,\tgave\tus\tgood-day\tand\tlapsed\tagain\tinto\tthe\tmeditations which\tour\tcoming\thad\tinterrupted.\tThe\tplanters\twhispered\tus\tnot\tto\tmind\thim-- crazy.\tThey\tsaid\the\twas\tin\tthe\tIslands3\tfor\this\thealth;\twas\ta\tpreacher;\this\thome, Michigan.\t They\t said\t that\t if\t he\t woke\t up\t presently\t and\t fell\t to\t talking\t about\t a correspondence\twhich\the\thad\tsome\ttime\theld\twith\tMr.\tGreeley\tabout\ta\ttrifle\tof some\tkind,\twe\tmust\thumor\thim\tand\tlisten\twith\tinterest;\tand\twe\tmust\thumor\this fancy\tthat\tthis\tcorrespondence\twas\tthe\ttalk\tof\tthe\tworld. It\t was\t easy\t to\t see\t that\t he\t was\t a\t gentle\t creature\t and\t that\t his\t madness\t had nothing\t vicious\t in\t it.\t He\t looked\t pale,\t and\t a\t little\t worn,\t as\t if\t with\t perplexing thought\t and\t anxiety\t of\t mind.\t He\t sat\t a\t long\t time,\t looking\t at\t the\t floor,\t and\t at intervals\t muttering\t to\t himself\t and\t nodding\t his\t head\t acquiescingly\t or\t shaking\t it in\tmild\tprotest.\tHe\twas\tlost\tin\this\tthought,\tor\tin\this\tmemories.\tWe\tcontinued\tour talk\t with\t the\t planters,\t branching\t from\t subject\t to\t subject.\t But\t at\t last\t the\t word \\\"circumstance,\\\"\t casually\t dropped,\t in\t the\t course\t of\t conversation,\t attracted\t his attention\tand\tbrought\tan\teager\tlook\tinto\this\tcountenance.\tHe\tfaced\tabout\tin\this chair\tand\tsaid: \\\"Circumstance?\t What\t circumstance?\t Ah,\t I\t know--I\t know\t too\t well.\t So\t you have\theard\tof\tit\ttoo.\\\"\t[With\ta\tsigh.]\t\\\"Well,\tno\tmatter--all\tthe\tworld\thas\theard\tof it.\tAll\tthe\tworld.\tThe\twhole\tworld.\tIt\tis\ta\tlarge\tworld,\ttoo,\tfor\ta\tthing\tto\ttravel\tso far\t in--now,\t isn't\t it?\t Yes,\t yes--the\t Greeley\t correspondence\t with\t Erickson\t has created\tthe\tsaddest\tand\tbitterest\tcontroversy\ton\tboth\tsides\tof\tthe\tocean--and\tstill they\tkeep\tit\tup!\tIt\tmakes\tus\tfamous,\tbut\tat\twhat\ta\tsorrowful\tsacrifice!\tI\twas\tso sorry\twhen\tI\theard\tthat\tit\thad\tcaused\tthat\tbloody\tand\tdistressful\twar\tover\tthere in\t Italy.\tIt\t was\t little\t comfort\tto\t me,\tafter\tso\tmuch\tbloodshed,\tto\tknow\tthat\t the victors\t sided\t with\t me,\t and\t the\t vanquished\t with\t Greeley.\t It\t is\t little\t comfort\t to know\t that\t Horace\t Greeley\t is\t responsible\t for\t the\t battle\t of\t Sadowa,\t and\t not\t me. Queen\tVictoria\twrote\tme\tthat\tshe\tfelt\tjust\tas\tI\tdid\tabout\tit--she\tsaid\tthat\tas\tmuch as\t she\t was\t opposed\t to\t Greeley\t and\t the\t spirit\t he\t showed\t in\t the\t correspondence with\tme,\tshe\twould\tnot\thave\thad\tSadowa\thappen\tfor\thundreds\tof\tdollars.\tI\tcan show\tyou\ther\tletter,\tif\tyou\twould\tlike\tto\tsee\tit.\tBut,\tgentlemen,\tmuch\tas\tyou\tmay think\t you\t know\t about\t that\t unhappy\t correspondence,\t you\t cannot\t know\t the straight\t of\t it\t till\t you\t hear\t it\t from\t my\t lips.\t It\t has\t always\t been\t garbled\t in\t the","journals,\tand\teven\tin\thistory.\tYes,\teven\tin\thistory--think\tof\tit!\tLet\tme--please\tlet me,\t give\t you\t the\t matter,\t exactly\t as\t it\t occurred.\t I\t truly\t will\t not\t abuse\t your confidence.\\\" Then\t he\t leaned\t forward,\t all\t interest,\t all\t earnestness,\t and\t told\t his\t story--and told\t it\t appealingly,\t too,\t and\t yet\t in\t the\t simplest\t and\t most\t unpretentious\t way; indeed,\tin\tsuch\ta\tway\tas\tto\tsuggest\tto\tone,\tall\tthe\ttime,\tthat\tthis\twas\ta\tfaithful, honorable\t witness,\t giving\t evidence\t in\t the\t sacred\t interest\t of\t justice,\t and\t under oath.\tHe\tsaid: \t Mrs.\t Beazeley--Mrs.\t Jackson\t Beazeley,\t widow,\t of\t the\t village\t of Campbellton,\t Kansas--wrote\t me\t about\t a\t matter\t which\t was\t near\t her\t heart--a matter\twhich\tmany\tmight\tthink\ttrivial,\tbut\tto\ther\tit\twas\ta\tthing\tof\tdeep\tconcern. I\t was\t living\t in\t Michigan,\t then--serving\t in\t the\t ministry.\t She\t was,\t and\t is,\t an estimable\t woman--a\t woman\t to\t whom\t poverty\t and\t hardship\t have\t proven incentives\t to\t industry,\t in\t place\t of\t discouragements.\t Her\t only\t treasure\t was\t her son\t William,\t a\t youth\t just\t verging\t upon\t manhood;\t religious,\t amiable,\t and sincerely\tattached\tto\tagriculture.\tHe\twas\tthe\twidow's\tcomfort\tand\ther\tpride.\tAnd so,\t moved\t by\t her\t love\t for\t him,\t she\t wrote\t me\t about\t a\t matter,\t as\t I\t have\t said before,\twhich\tlay\tnear\ther\theart--because\tit\tlay\tnear\ther\tboy's.\tShe\tdesired\tme\tto confer\t with\t Mr.\t Greeley\t about\t turnips.\t Turnips\t were\t the\t dream\t of\t her\t child's young\t ambition.\t While\t other\t youths\t were\t frittering\t away\t in\t frivolous amusements\tthe\tprecious\tyears\tof\tbudding\tvigor\twhich\tGod\thad\tgiven\tthem\tfor useful\t preparation,\t this\t boy\t was\t patiently\t enriching\t his\t mind\t with\t information concerning\t turnips.\t The\t sentiment\t which\t he\t felt\t toward\t the\t turnip\t was\t akin\t to adoration.\tHe\tcould\tnot\tthink\tof\tthe\tturnip\twithout\temotion;\the\tcould\tnot\tspeak of\t it\t calmly;\t he\t could\t not\t contemplate\t it\t without\t exaltation;\t he\t could\t not\t eat\t it without\t shedding\t tears.\t All\t the\t poetry\t in\t his\t sensitive\t nature\t was\t in\t sympathy with\tthe\tgracious\tvegetable.\tWith\tthe\tearliest\tpipe\tof\tdawn\the\tsought\this\tpatch, and\t when\t the\t curtaining\t night\t drove\t him\t from\t it\t he\t shut\t himself\t up\t with\t his books\t and\t garnered\t statistics\t till\t sleep\t overcame\t him.\t On\t rainy\t days\t he\t sat\t and talked\t hours\t together\t with\t his\t mother\t about\t turnips.\t When\t company\t came,\t he made\t it\t his\t loving\t duty\t to\t put\t aside\t everything\t else\t and\t converse\t with\t them\t all the\t day\t long\t of\t his\t great\t joy\t in\t the\t turnip.\t And\t yet,\t was\t this\t joy\t rounded\t and complete?\tWas\tthere\tno\tsecret\talloy\tof\tunhappiness\tin\tit?\tAlas,\tthere\twas.\tThere was\ta\tcanker\tgnawing\tat\this\theart;\tthe\tnoblest\tinspiration\tof\this\tsoul\teluded\this","endeavor--viz.,\the\tcould\tnot\tmake\tof\tthe\tturnip\ta\tclimbing\tvine.\tMonths\twent\tby; the\t bloom\t forsook\t his\t cheek,\t the\t fire\t faded\t out\t of\t his\t eye;\t sighings\t and abstractions\t usurped\t the\t place\t of\t smiles\t and\t cheerful\t converse.\t But\t a\t watchful eye\t noted\t these\t things,\t and\t in\t time\t a\t motherly\t sympathy\t unsealed\t the\t secret. Hence\tthe\tletter\tto\tme.\tShe\tpleaded\tfor\tattention--she\tsaid\ther\tboy\twas\tdying\tby inches. I\t was\t a\t stranger\t to\t Mr.\t Greeley,\t but\t what\t of\t that?\t The\t matter\t was\t urgent.\t I wrote\t and\t begged\t him\t to\t solve\t the\t difficult\t problem\t if\t possible,\t and\t save\t the student's\t life.\t My\t interest\t grew,\t until\t it\t partook\t of\t the\t anxiety\t of\t the\t mother.\t I waited\tin\tmuch\tsuspense.\tAt\tlast\tthe\tanswer\tcame. I\tfound\tthat\tI\tcould\tnot\tread\tit\treadily,\tthe\thandwriting\tbeing\tunfamiliar\tand my\temotions\tsomewhat\twrought\tup.\tIt\tseemed\tto\trefer\tin\tpart\tto\tthe\tboy's\tcase, but\t chiefly\t to\t other\t and\t irrelevant\t matters--such\t as\t paving-stones,\t electricity, oysters,\tand\tsomething\twhich\tI\ttook\tto\tbe\t\\\"absolution\\\"\tor\t\\\"agrarianism,\\\"\tI\tcould not\tbe\tcertain\twhich;\tstill,\tthese\tappeared\tto\tbe\tsimply\tcasual\tmentions,\tnothing more;\t friendly\t in\t spirit,\t without\t doubt,\t but\t lacking\t the\t connection\t or\t coherence necessary\tto\tmake\tthem\tuseful.\tI\tjudged\tthat\tmy\tunderstanding\twas\taffected\tby my\tfeelings,\tand\tso\tlaid\tthe\tletter\taway\ttill\tmorning. In\t the\t morning\t I\t read\t it\t again,\t but\t with\t difficulty\t and\t uncertainty\t still,\t for\t I had\t lost\t some\t little\t rest\t and\t my\t mental\t vision\t seemed\t clouded.\t The\t note\t was more\tconnected,\tnow,\tbut\tdid\tnot\tmeet\tthe\temergency\tit\twas\texpected\tto\tmeet.\tIt was\t too\t discursive.\t It\t appeared\t to\t read\t as\t follows,\t though\t I\t was\t not\t certain\t of some\tof\tthe\twords: Polygamy\tdissembles\tmajesty;\textracts\tredeem\tpolarity;\tcauses\thitherto exist.\t Ovations\t pursue\t wisdom,\t or\t warts\t inherit\t and\t condemn.\t Boston, botany,\tcakes,\tfolony\tundertakes,\tbut\twho\tshall\tallay?\tWe\tfear\tnot.\tYrxwly, HEVACE\tEVEELOJ But\t there\t did\t not\t seem\t to\t be\t a\t word\t about\t turnips.\t There\t seemed\t to\t be\t no suggestion\tas\tto\thow\tthey\tmight\tbe\tmade\tto\tgrow\tlike\tvines.\tThere\twas\tnot\teven a\treference\tto\tthe\tBeazeleys.\tI\tslept\tupon\tthe\tmatter;\tI\tate\tno\tsupper,\tneither\tany breakfast\tnext\tmorning.\tSo\tI\tresumed\tmy\twork\twith\ta\tbrain\trefreshed,\tand\twas very\thopeful.\tNow\tthe\tletter\ttook\ta\tdifferent\taspect--all\tsave\tthe\tsignature,\twhich latter\t I\t judged\t to\t be\t only\t a\t harmless\t affectation\t of\t Hebrew.\t The\t epistle\t was necessarily\tfrom\tMr.\tGreeley,\tfor\tit\tbore\tthe\tprinted\theading\tof\tThe\tTribune,\tand","I\thad\twritten\tto\tno\tone\telse\tthere.\tThe\tletter,\tI\tsay,\thad\ttaken\ta\tdifferent\taspect, but\tstill\tits\tlanguage\twas\teccentric\tand\tavoided\tthe\tissue.\tIt\tnow\tappeared\tto\tsay: Bolivia\t extemporizes\t mackerel;\t borax\t esteems\t polygamy;\t sausages wither\tin\tthe\teast.\tCreation\tperdu,\tis\tdone;\tfor\twoes\tinherent\tone\tcan\tdamn. Buttons,\t buttons,\t corks,\t geology\t underrates\t but\t we\t shall\t allay.\t My\t beer's out.\tYrxwly, HEVACE\tEVEELOJ I\t was\t evidently\t overworked.\t My\t comprehension\t was\t impaired.\t Therefore\t I gave\ttwo\tdays\tto\trecreation,\tand\tthen\treturned\tto\tmy\ttask\tgreatly\trefreshed.\tThe letter\tnow\ttook\tthis\tform: Poultices\t do\t sometimes\t choke\t swine;\t tulips\t reduce\t posterity;\t causes leather\t to\t resist.\t Our\t notions\t empower\t wisdom,\t her\t let's\t afford\t while\t we can.\tButter\tbut\tany\tcakes,\tfill\tany\tundertaker,\twe'll\twean\thim\tfrom\this\tfilly. We\tfeel\thot.\tYrxwly, HEVACE\tEVEELOJ I\t was\t still\t not\t satisfied.\t These\t generalities\t did\t not\t meet\t the\t question.\t They were\tcrisp,\tand\tvigorous,\tand\tdelivered\twith\ta\tconfidence\tthat\talmost\tcompelled conviction;\t but\t at\t such\t a\t time\t as\t this,\t with\t a\t human\t life\t at\t stake,\t they\t seemed inappropriate,\tworldly,\tand\tin\tbad\ttaste.\tAt\tany\tother\ttime\tI\twould\thave\tbeen\tnot only\tglad,\tbut\tproud,\tto\treceive\tfrom\ta\tman\tlike\tMr.\tGreeley\ta\tletter\tof\tthis\tkind, and\twould\thave\tstudied\tit\tearnestly\tand\ttried\tto\timprove\tmyself\tall\tI\tcould;\tbut now,\twith\tthat\tpoor\tboy\tin\this\tfar\thome\tlanguishing\tfor\trelief,\tI\thad\tno\theart\tfor learning. Three\tdays\tpassed\tby,\tand\tI\tread\tthe\tnote\tagain.\tAgain\tits\ttenor\thad\tchanged. It\tnow\tappeared\tto\tsay: Potations\t do\t sometimes\t wake\t wines;\t turnips\t restrain\t passion;\t causes necessary\tto\tstate.\tInfest\tthe\tpoor\twidow;\ther\tlord's\teffects\twill\tbe\tvoid.\tBut dirt,\t bathing,\t etc.,\t etc.,\t followed\t unfairly,\t will\t worm\t him\t from\t his\t folly--so swear\tnot.\tYrxwly, HEVACE\tEVEELOJ","This\t was\t more\t like\t it.\t But\t I\t was\t unable\t to\t proceed.\t I\t was\t too\t much\t worn. The\t word\t \\\"turnips\\\"\t brought\t temporary\t joy\t and\t encouragement,\t but\t my\t strength was\t so\t much\t impaired,\t and\t the\t delay\t might\t be\t so\t perilous\t for\t the\t boy,\t that\t I relinquished\tthe\tidea\tof\tpursuing\tthe\ttranslation\tfurther,\tand\tresolved\tto\tdo\twhat I\tought\tto\thave\tdone\tat\tfirst.\tI\tsat\tdown\tand\twrote\tMr.\tGreeley\tas\tfollows: Dear\tSir:\tI\tfear\tI\tdo\tnot\tentirely\tcomprehend\tyour\tkind\tnote.\tIt\tcannot be\tpossible,\tSir,\tthat\t\\\"turnips\trestrain\tpassion\\\"--at\tleast\tthe\tstudy\tor contemplation\tof\tturnips\tcannot--for\tit\tis\tthis\tvery\temployment\tthat\thas scorched\tour\tpoor\tfriend's\tmind\tand\tsapped\this\tbodily\tstrength.--But\tif\tthey do\trestrain\tit,\twill\tyou\tbear\twith\tus\ta\tlittle\tfurther\tand\texplain\thow\tthey should\tbe\tprepared?\tI\tobserve\tthat\tyou\tsay\t\\\"causes\tnecessary\tto\tstate,\\\"\tbut you\thave\tomitted\tto\tstate\tthem. Under\ta\tmisapprehension,\tyou\tseem\tto\tattribute\tto\tme\tinterested motives\tin\tthis\tmatter--to\tcall\tit\tby\tno\tharsher\tterm.\tBut\tI\tassure\tyou,\tdear sir,\tthat\tif\tI\tseem\tto\tbe\t\\\"infesting\tthe\twidow,\\\"\tit\tis\tall\tseeming,\tand\tvoid\tof reality.\tIt\tis\tfrom\tno\tseeking\tof\tmine\tthat\tI\tam\tin\tthis\tposition.\tShe\tasked me,\therself,\tto\twrite\tto\tyou.\tI\tnever\thave\tinfested\ther--indeed\tI\tscarcely know\ther.\tI\tdo\tnot\tinfest\tanybody.\tI\ttry\tto\tgo\talong,\tin\tmy\thumble\tway, doing\tas\tnear\tright\tas\tI\tcan,\tnever\tharming\tanybody,\tand\tnever\tthrowing out\tinsinuations.\tAs\tfor\t\\\"her\tlord\tand\this\teffects,\\\"\tthey\tare\tof\tno\tinterest\tto me.\tI\ttrust\tI\thave\teffects\tenough\tof\tmy\town--shall\tendeavor\tto\tget\talong with\tthem,\tat\tany\trate,\tand\tnot\tgo\tmousing\taround\tto\tget\thold\tof somebody's\tthat\tare\t\\\"void.\\\"\tBut\tdo\tyou\tnot\tsee?--this\twoman\tis\ta\twidow-- she\thas\tno\t\\\"lord.\\\"\tHe\tis\tdead--or\tpretended\tto\tbe,\twhen\tthey\tburied\thim. Therefore,\tno\tamount\tof\t\\\"dirt,\tbathing,\tetc.,\tetc.,\\\"\thowsoever\t\\\"unfairly followed\\\"\twill\tbe\tlikely\tto\t\\\"worm\thim\tfrom\this\tfolly\\\"--if\tbeing\tdead\tand\ta ghost\tis\t\\\"folly.\\\"\tYour\tclosing\tremark\tis\tas\tunkind\tas\tit\twas\tuncalled\tfor;\tand if\treport\tsays\ttrue\tyou\tmight\thave\tapplied\tit\tto\tyourself,\tsir,\twith\tmore\tpoint and\tless\timpropriety. Very\tTruly\tYours, SIMON\tERICKSON In\tthe\tcourse\tof\ta\tfew\tdays,\tMr.\tGreeley\tdid\twhat\twould\thave\tsaved\ta\tworld of\ttrouble\tand\tmuch\tmental\tand\tbodily\tsuffering\tand\tmisunderstanding,\tif\the\thad","done\tit\tsooner.\tTo\twit,\the\tsent\tan\tintelligible\trescript\tor\ttranslation\tof\this\toriginal note,\tmade\tin\ta\tplain\thand\tby\this\tclerk.\tThen\tthe\tmystery\tcleared,\tand\tI\tsaw\tthat his\theart\thad\tbeen\tright,\tall\tthe\ttime.\tI\twill\trecite\tthe\tnote\tin\tits\tclarified\tform: [Translation] Potatoes\t do\t sometimes\t make\t vines;\t turnips\t remain\t passive:\t cause unnecessary\t to\t state.\t Inform\t the\t poor\t widow\t her\t lad's\t efforts\t will\t be\t vain. But\t diet,\t bathing,\t etc.,\t etc.,\t followed\t uniformly,\t will\t wean\t him\t from\t his folly--so\tfear\tnot.\tYours, HORACE\tGREELEY But\talas,\tit\twas\ttoo\tlate,\tgentlemen--too\tlate.\tThe\tcriminal\tdelay\thad\tdone\tits work--young\t Beazeley\t was\t no\t more.\t His\t spirit\t had\t taken\t its\t flight\t to\t a\t land where\t all\t anxieties\t shall\t be\t charmed\t away,\t all\t desires\t gratified,\t all\t ambitions realized.\tPoor\tlad,\tthey\tlaid\thim\tto\this\trest\twith\ta\tturnip\tin\teach\thand. \t So\t ended\t Erickson,\t and\t lapsed\t again\t into\t nodding,\t mumbling,\t and abstraction.\t The\t company\t broke\t up,\t and\t left\t him\t so.\t .\t .\t .\t But\t they\t did\t not\t say what\tdrove\thim\tcrazy.\tIn\tthe\tmomentary\tconfusion,\tI\tforgot\tto\task. From\tROUGHING\tIT,\t1872","A\tTRUE\tSTORY REPEATED\tWORD\tFOR\tWORD\tAS\tI\tHEARD\tIT IT\t WAS\t summer-time,\t and\t twilight.\t We\t were\t sitting\t on\t the\t porch\t of\t the farmhouse,\ton\tthe\tsummit\tof\tthe\thill,\tand\t\\\"Aunt\tRachel\\\"\twas\tsitting\trespectfully below\t our\t level,\t on\t the\t steps--for\t she\t was\t our\t servant,\t and\t colored.\t She\t was\t of mighty\t frame\t and\t stature;\t she\t was\t sixty\t years\t old,\t but\t her\t eye\t was\t undimmed and\t her\t strength\t unabated.\t She\t was\t a\t cheerful,\t hearty\t soul,\t and\t it\t was\t no\t more trouble\t for\t her\t to\t laugh\t than\t it\t is\t for\t a\t bird\t to\t sing.\t She\t was\t under\t fire\t now,\t as usual\t when\t the\t day\t was\t done.\t That\t is\t to\t say,\t she\t was\t being\t chaffed\t without mercy,\t and\t was\t enjoying\t it.\t She\t would\t let\t off\t peal\t after\t peal\t of\t laughter,\t and then\tsit\twith\ther\tface\tin\ther\thands\tand\tshake\twith\tthroes\tof\tenjoyment\twhich\tshe could\t no\t longer\t get\t breath\t enough\t to\t express.\t At\t such\t a\t moment\t as\t this\t a thought\toccurred\tto\tme,\tand\tI\tsaid: \\\"Aunt\t Rachel,\t how\t is\t it\t that\t you've\t lived\t sixty\t years\t and\t never\t had\t any trouble?\\\" She\t stopped\t quaking.\t She\t paused,\t and\t there\t was\t a\t moment\t of\t silence.\t She turned\t her\t face\t over\t her\t shoulder\t toward\t me,\t and\t said,\t without\t even\t a\t smile\t in her\tvoice: \\\"Misto\tC----,\tis\tyou\tin\t'arnest?\\\" It\tsurprised\tme\ta\tgood\tdeal;\tand\tit\tsobered\tmy\tmanner\tand\tmy\tspeech,\ttoo.\tI said: \\\"Why,\t I\t thought--that\t is,\t I\t meant--why,\t you\t can't\t have\t had\t any\t trouble.\t I've never\theard\tyou\tsigh,\tand\tnever\tseen\tyour\teye\twhen\tthere\twasn't\ta\tlaugh\tin\tit.\\\" She\tfaced\tfairly\taround\tnow,\tand\twas\tfull\tof\tearnestness. \\\"Has\t I\t had\t any\t trouble?\t Misto\t C----,\t I's\t gwyne\t to\t tell\t you,\t den\t I\t leave\t it\t to you.\t I\t was\t bawn\t down\t 'mongst\t de\t slaves;\t I\t knows\t all\t 'bout\t slavery,\t 'ca'se\t I\t ben one\tof\t'em\tmy\town\tse'f.\tWell,\tsah,\tmy\tole\tman--dat's\tmy\thusban'--he\twas\tlovin' an'\tkind\tto\tme,\tjist\tas\tkind\tas\tyou\tis\tto\tyo'\town\twife.\tAn'\twe\thad\tchil'en--seven chil'en--an'\twe\tloved\tdem\tchil'en\tjust\tde\tsame\tas\tyou\tloves\tyo'\tchil'en.\tDey\twas black,\tbut\tde\tLord\tcan't\tmake\tno\tchil'en\tso\tblack\tbut\twhat\tdey\tmother\tloves\t'em an'\twouldn't\tgive\t'em\tup,\tno,\tnot\tfor\tanything\tdat's\tin\tdis\twhole\tworld. \\\"Well,\t sah,\t I\t was\t raised\t in\t ole\t Fo'ginny,\t but\t my\t mother\t she\t was\t raised\t in Maryland;\t an'\t my\t souls!\t she\t was\t turrible\t when\t she'd\t git\t started!\t My\t lan'!\tbut she'd\t make\t de\t fur\t fly!\t When\t she'd\t git\t into\t dem\t tantrums,\t she\t always\t had\t one word\tdat\tshe\tsaid.\tShe'd\tstraighten\therse'f\tup\tan'\tput\ther\tfists\tin\ther\thips\tan'\tsay, 'I\t want\t you\t to\t understan'\t dat\t I\t wa'n't\t bawn\t in\t the\t mash\t to\t be\t fool'\t by\t trash!\t I's","one\t o'\t de\t ole\t Blue\t Hen's\t Chickens,\t I\t is!'\t 'Ca'se,\t you\t see,\t dat's\t what\t folks\t dat's bawn\tin\tMaryland\tcalls\tdeyselves,\tan'\tdey's\tproud\tof\tit.\tWell,\tdat\twas\ther\tword.\tI don't\t ever\t forgit\t it,\t beca'se\t she\t said\t it\t so\t much,\t an'\t beca'se\t she\t said\t it\t one\t day when\tmy\tlittle\tHenry\ttore\this\twris'\tawful,\tand\tmost\tbusted\this\thead,\tright\tup\tat de\ttop\tof\this\tforehead,\tan'\tde\tniggers\tdidn't\tfly\taroun'\tfas'\tenough\tto\t'tend\tto\thim. An'\t when\t dey\t talk'\t back\t at\t her,\t she\t up\t an'\t she\t says,\t 'Look-a-heah!'\t she\t says,\t 'I want\tyou\tniggers\tto\tunderstan'\tdat\tI\twa'n't\tbawn\tin\tde\tmash\tto\tbe\tfool'\tby\ttrash! I's\t one\t o'\t de\t ole\t Blue\t Hen's\t Chickens,\t I\t is!'\t an'\t den\t she\t clar'\t dat\t kitchen\t an' bandage'\tup\tde\tchile\therse'f.\tSo\tI\tsays\tdat\tword,\ttoo,\twhen\tI's\triled. \\\"Well,\tbymeby\tmy\tole\tmistis\tsay\tshe's\tbroke,\tan'\tshe\tgot\tto\tsell\tall\tde\tniggers on\t de\t place.\t An'\t when\t I\t heah\t dat\t dey\t gwyne\t to\t sell\t us\t all\t off\t at\t oction\t in Richmon',\toh,\tde\tgood\tgracious!\tI\tknow\twhat\tdat\tmean!\\\" Aunt\tRachel\thad\tgradually\trisen,\twhile\tshe\twarmed\tto\ther\tsubject,\tand\tnow she\ttowered\tabove\tus,\tblack\tagainst\tthe\tstars. \\\"Dey\tput\tchains\ton\tus\tan'\tput\tus\ton\ta\tstan'\tas\thigh\tas\tdis\tpo'ch--twenty\tfoot high--an'\tall\tde\tpeople\tstood\taroun',\tcrowds\tan'\tcrowds.\tAn'\tdey'd\tcome\tup\tdah an'\tlook\tat\tus\tall\troun',\tan'\tsqueeze\tour\tarm,\tan'\tmake\tus\tgit\tup\tan'\twalk,\tan'\tden say,\t 'Dis\t one\t too\t ole,'\t or\t 'Dis\t one\t lame,'\t or\t 'Dis\t one\t don't\t 'mount\t to\t much.'\t An' dey\tsole\tmy\tole\tman,\tan'\ttook\thim\taway,\tan'\tdey\tbegin\tto\tsell\tmy\tchil'en\tan'\ttake dem\t away,\t an'\t I\t begin\t to\t cry;\t an'\t de\t man\t say,\t 'Shet\t up\t yo'\t damn\t blubberin','\t an' hit\t me\t on\t de\t mouf\t wid\t his\t han'.\t An'\t when\t de\t las'\t one\t was\t gone\t but\t my\t little Henry,\tI\tgrab'\thim\tclost\tup\tto\tmy\tbreas'\tso,\tan'\tI\tris\tup\tan'\tsays,\t'You\tsha'n't\ttake him\t away,'\t I\t says;\t 'I'll\t kill\t de\t man\t dat\t tetches\t him!'\t I\t says.\t But\t my\t little\t Henry whisper\tan'\tsay,\t'I\tgwyne\tto\trun\taway,\tan'\tden\tI\twork\tan'\tbuy\tyo'\tfreedom.'\tOh, bless\tde\tchile,\the\talways\tso\tgood!\tBut\tdey\tgot\thim--dey\tgot\thim,\tde\tmen\tdid;\tbut I\ttook\tand\ttear\tde\tclo'es\tmos'\toff\tof\t'em\tan'\tbeat\t'em\tover\tde\thead\twid\tmy\tchain; an'\tdey\tgive\tit\tto\tme,\ttoo,\tbut\tI\tdidn't\tmine\tdat. \\\"Well,\tdah\twas\tmy\tole\tman\tgone,\tan'\tall\tmy\tchil'en,\tall\tmy\tseven\tchil'en--an' six\tof\t'em\tI\thain't\tset\teyes\ton\tag'in\tto\tthis\tday,\tan'\tdat's\ttwenty-two\tyears\tago\tlas' Easter.\t De\t man\t dat\t bought\t me\t b'long'\t in\t Newbern,\t an'\t he\t took\t me\t dah.\t Well, bymeby\t de\t years\t roll\t on\t an'\t de\t waw\t come.\t My\t marster\t he\t was\t a\t Confedrit colonel,\t an'\t I\t was\t his\t family's\t cook.\t So\t when\t de\t Unions\t took\t dat\t town,\t dey\t all run\taway\tan'\tlef'\tme\tall\tby\tmyse'f\twid\tde\tother\tniggers\tin\tdat\tmons'us\tbig\thouse. So\t de\t big\t Union\t officers\t move\t in\t dah,\t an'\t dey\t ask\t me\t would\t I\t cook\t for\t dem. 'Lord\tbless\tyou,'\tsays\tI,\t'dat's\twhat\tI's\tfor.' \\\"Dey\twa'n't\tno\tsmall-fry\tofficers,\tmine\tyou,\tdey\twas\tde\tbiggest\tdey\tis;\tan'\tde way\tdey\tmade\tdem\tsojers\tmosey\troun'!\tDe\tGen'l\the\ttole\tme\tto\tboss\tdat\tkitchen;","an'\t he\t say,\t 'If\t anybody\t come\t meddlin'\t wid\t you,\t you\t just\t make\t 'em\t walk\t chalk; don't\tyou\tbe\tafeared,'\the\tsay;\t'you's\t'mong\tfrens\tnow.' \\\"Well,\t I\t thinks\t to\t myse'f,\t if\t my\t little\t Henry\t ever\t got\t a\t chance\t to\t run\t away, he'd\tmake\tto\tde\tNorf,\to'\tcourse.\tSo\tone\tday\tI\tcomes\tin\tdah\twhar\tde\tbig\tofficers was,\tin\tde\tparlor,\tan'\tI\tdrops\ta\tkurtchy,\tso,\tan'\tI\tup\tan'\ttole\t'em\t'bout\tmy\tHenry, dey\t a-listenin'\t to\t my\t troubles\t jist\t de\t same\t as\t if\t I\t was\t white\t folks;\t an'\t I\t says, 'What\t I\t come\t for\t is\t beca'se\t if\t he\t got\t away\t and\t got\t up\t Norf\t whar\t you\t gemmen comes\tfrom,\tyou\tmight\t'a'\tseen\thim,\tmaybe,\tan'\tcould\ttell\tme\tso\tas\tI\tcould\tfine him\tag'in;\the\twas\tvery\tlittle,\tan'\the\thad\ta\tsk-yar\ton\this\tlef'\twris'\tan'\tat\tde\ttop\tof his\t forehead.'\t Den\t dey\t look\t mournful,\t an'\t de\t Gen'l\t says,\t 'How\t long\t sence\t you los'\thim?'\tan'\tI\tsay,\t'Thirteen\tyear.'\tDen\tde\tGen'l\tsay,\t'He\twouldn't\tbe\tlittle\tno\tmo' now--he's\ta\tman!' \\\"I\t never\t thought\t o'\t dat\t befo'!\t He\t was\t only\t dat\t little\t feller\t to\t me\t yit.\t I\t never thought\t'bout\thim\tgrowin'\tup\tan'\tbein'\tbig.\tBut\tI\tsee\tit\tden.\tNone\to'\tde\tgemmen had\t run\t acrost\t him,\t so\t dey\t couldn't\t do\t nothin'\t for\t me.\t But\t all\t dat\t time,\t do'\t I didn't\tknow\tit,\tmy\tHenry\twas\trun\toff\tto\tde\tNorf,\tyears\tan'\t years,\tan'\the\twas\ta barber,\ttoo,\tan'\tworked\tfor\thisse'f.\tAn'\tbymeby,\twhen\tde\twaw\tcome\the\tups\tan'\the says:\t 'I's\t done\t barberin','\t he\t says,\t 'I's\t gwyne\t to\t fine\t my\t ole\t mammy,\t less'n\t she's dead.'\tSo\the\tsole\tout\tan'\twent\tto\twhar\tdey\twas\trecruitin',\tan'\thired\thisse'f\tout\tto de\tcolonel\tfor\this\tservant;\tan'\tden\the\twent\tall\tfroo\tde\tbattles\teverywhah,\thuntin' for\this\tole\tmammy;\tyes,\tindeedy,\the'd\thire\tto\tfust\tone\tofficer\tan'\tden\tanother,\ttell he'd\t ransacked\t de\t whole\t Souf;\t but\t you\t see\t I\t didn't\t know\t nuffin\t 'bout\t dis.\t How was\tI\tgwyne\tto\tknow\tit? \\\"Well,\t one\t night\t we\t had\t a\t big\t sojer\t ball;\t de\t sojers\t dah\t at\t Newbern\t was always\thavin'\t balls\tan'\tcarryin'\ton.\tDey\t had\t'em\tin\tmy\tkitchen,\theaps\to'\ttimes, 'ca'se\tit\twas\tso\tbig.\tMine\tyou,\tI\twas\tdown\ton\tsich\tdoin's;\tbeca'se\tmy\tplace\twas wid\t de\t officers,\t an'\t it\t rasp\t me\t to\t have\t dem\t common\t sojers\t cavortin'\t roun'\t my kitchen\t like\t dat.\t But\t I\t alway'\t stood\t aroun'\t an'\t kep'\t things\t straight,\t I\t did;\t an' sometimes\tdey'd\tgit\tmy\tdander\tup,\tan'\tden\tI'd\tmake\t'em\tclar\tdat\tkitchen,\tmine\tI tell\tyou! \\\"Well,\t one\t night--it\t was\t a\t Friday\t night--dey\t comes\t a\t whole\t platoon\t f'm\t a nigger\t ridgment\t dat\t was\t on\t guard\t at\t de\t house--de\t house\t was\t headquarters,\t you know--an'\tden\tI\twas\tjust\ta-bilin'!\t Mad?\tI\twas\tjust\ta-boomin'!\t I\tswelled\taroun', an'\tswelled\taroun';\tI\tjust\twas\ta-itchin'\tfor\t'em\tto\tdo\tsomefin\tfor\tto\tstart\tme.\tAn' dey\t was\t a-waltzin'\t an'\t a-dancin'!\t my!\t but\t dey\t was\t havin'\t a\t time!\t an'\t I\t jist\t a- swellin'\tan'\ta-swellin'\tup!\tPooty\tsoon,\t'long\tcomes\tsich\ta\tspruce\tyoung\tnigger\ta- sailin'\t down\t de\t room\t wid\t a\t yaller\t wench\t roun'\t de\t wais';\t an'\t roun'\t an'\t roun'\t an'","roun'\t dey\t went,\t enough\t to\t make\t a\t body\t drunk\t to\t look\t at\t 'em;\t an'\t when\t dey\t got abreas'\t o'\t me,\t dey\t went\t to\t kin'\t o'\t balancin'\t aroun'\t fust\t on\t one\t leg\t an'\t den\t on t'other,\t an'\t smilin'\t at\t my\t big\t red\t turban,\t an'\t makin'\t fun,\t an'\t I\t ups\t an'\t says\t 'Git along\twid\tyou!--rubbage!'\tDe\tyoung\tman's\tface\tkin'\to'\tchanged,\tall\tof\ta\tsudden, for\t'bout\ta\tsecond,\tbut\tden\the\twent\tto\tsmilin'\tag'in,\tsame\tas\the\twas\tbefo'.\tWell, 'bout\tdis\ttime,\tin\tcomes\tsome\tniggers\tdat\tplayed\tmusic\tand\tb'long'\tto\tde\tban',\tan' dey\tnever\tcould\tgit\talong\twidout\tputtin'\ton\tairs.\tAn'\tde\tvery\tfust\tair\tdey\tput\ton dat\tnight,\tI\tlit\tinto\t'em!\tDey\tlaughed,\tan'\tdat\tmade\tme\twuss.\tDe\tres'\to'\tde\tniggers got\tto\tlaughin',\tan'\tden\tmy\tsoul\talive\tbut\tI\twas\thot!\tMy\teye\twas\tjust\ta-blazin'!\tI jist\tstraightened\tmyself\tup\tso--jist\tas\tI\tis\tnow,\tplum\tto\tde\tceilin'\tmos'--an'\tI\tdigs my\t fists\t into\t my\t hips,\t an'\t I\t says,\t 'Look-a-heah!'\t I\t says,\t 'I\t want\t you\t niggers\t to understan'\tdat\tI\twa'n't\tbawn\tin\tde\tmash\tto\tbe\tfool'\tby\ttrash!\tI's\tone\to'\tde\tole\tBlue Hen's\tChickens,\tI\tis!'\tan'\tden\tI\tsee\tdat\tyoung\tman\tstan'\ta-starin'\tan'\tstiff,\tlookin' kin'\t o'\t up\t at\t de\t ceilin'\t like\t he\t fo'got\t somefin,\t an'\t couldn't\t 'member\t it\t no\t mo'. Well,\tI\tjist\tmarch'\ton\tdem\tniggers--so\tlookin'\tlike\ta\tgen'l--an'\tdey\tjist\tcave'\taway befo'\tme\tan'\tout\tat\tde\tdo'.\tAn'\tas\tdis\tyoung\tman\twas\ta-goin'\tout,\tI\theah\thim\tsay to\tanother\tnigger,\t'Jim,'\the\tsays,\t'you\tgo\t'long\tan'\ttell\tde\tcap'n\tI\tbe\ton\than'\t'bout eight\to'clock\tin\tde\tmawnin';\tdey's\tsomefin\ton\tmy\tmine,'\the\tsays;\t'I\tdon't\tsleep\tno mo'\tdis\tnight.\tYou\tgo\t'long,'\the\tsays,\t'an'\tleave\tme\tby\tmy\town\tse'f.' \\\"Dis\twas\t'bout\tone\to'clock\tin\tde\tmawnin'.\tWell,\t'bout\tseven,\tI\twas\tup\tan'\ton han',\t gittin'\t de\t officers'\t breakfast.\t I\t was\t a-stoopin'\t down\t by\t de\t stove--just\t so, same\tas\tif\tyo'\tfoot\twas\tde\tstove--an'\tI'd\topened\tde\tstove\tdo'\twid\tmy\tright\than'-- so,\tpushin'\tit\tback,\tjust\tas\tI\tpushes\tyo'\tfoot--an'\tI'd\tjist\tgot\tde\tpan\to'\thot\tbiscuits in\tmy\than'\tan'\twas\t'bout\tto\traise\tup,\twhen\tI\tsee\ta\tblack\tface\tcome\taroun'\tunder mine,\t an'\t de\t eyes\t a-lookin'\t up\t into\t mine,\t just\t as\t I's\t a-lookin'\t up\t close\t under\t yo' face\tnow;\tan'\tI\tjust\tstopped\tright\tdah,\tan'\tnever\tbudged!\tjist\tgazed\tan'\tgazed\tso; an'\tde\tpan\tbegin\tto\ttremble,\tan'\tall\tof\ta\tsudden\tI\tknowed!\tDe\tpan\tdrop'\ton\tde\tflo' an'\t I\t grab\t his\t lef'\t han'\t an'\t shove\t back\t his\t sleeve--jist\t so,\t as\t I's\t doin'\t to\t you--an' den\tI\tgoes\tfor\this\tforehead\tan'\tpush\tde\thair\tback\tso,\tan'\t'Boy!'\tI\tsays,\t'if\tyou\tain't my\t Henry,\t what\t is\t you\t doin'\t wid\t dis\t welt\t on\t yo'\t wris'\t an'\t dat\t sk-yar\t on\t yo' forehead?\tDe\tLord\tGod\tob\theaven\tbe\tpraise',\tI\tgot\tmy\town\tag'in!' \\\"Oh\tno,\tMisto\tC----,\tI\thain't\thad\tno\ttrouble.\tAn'\tno\tjoy!\\\" 1874","EXPERIENCE\tOF\tTHE\tMCWILLIAMSES WITH\tMEMBRANOUS\tCROUP As\trelated\tto\tthe\tauthor\tof\tthis\tbook\tby\tMr.\tMcWilliams,\ta\tpleasant\tNew York\tgentleman\twhom\tthe\tsaid\tauthor\tmet\tby\tchance\ton\ta\tjourney. Well,\t to\t go\t back\t to\t where\t I\t was\t before\t I\t digressed\t to\t explain\t to\t you\t how that\t frightful\t and\t incurable\t disease,\t membranous\t croup,\t was\t ravaging\t the\t town and\tdriving\tall\tmothers\tmad\twith\tterror,\tI\tcalled\tMrs.\tMcWilliams's\tattention\tto little\tPenelope,\tand\tsaid: \\\"Darling,\tI\twouldn't\tlet\tthat\tchild\tbe\tchewing\tthat\tpine\tstick\tif\tI\twere\tyou.\\\" \\\"Precious,\twhere\tis\tthe\tharm\tin\tit?\\\"\tsaid\tshe,\tbut\tat\tthe\tsame\ttime\tpreparing to\t take\t away\t the\t stick--for\t women\t cannot\t receive\t even\t the\t most\t palpably judicious\tsuggestion\twithout\targuing\tit;\tthat\tis,\tmarried\twomen. I\treplied: \\\"Love,\t it\t is\t notorious\t that\t pine\t is\t the\t least\t nutritious\t wood\t that\t a\t child\t can eat.\\\" My\t wife's\t hand\t paused,\t in\t the\t act\t of\t taking\t the\t stick,\t and\t returned\t itself\t to her\tlap.\tShe\tbridled\tperceptibly,\tand\tsaid: \\\"Hubby,\t you\t know\tbetter\tthan\tthat.\tYou\tknow\tyou\tdo.\tDoctors\t all\tsay\tthat the\tturpentine\tin\tpine\twood\tis\tgood\tfor\tweak\tback\tand\tthe\tkidneys.\\\" \\\"Ah--I\twas\tunder\ta\tmisapprehension.\tI\tdid\tnot\tknow\tthat\tthe\tchild's\tkidneys and\tspine\twere\taffected,\tand\tthat\tthe\tfamily\tphysician\thad\trecommended--\\\" \\\"Who\tsaid\tthe\tchild's\tspine\tand\tkidneys\twere\taffected?\\\" \\\"My\tlove,\tyou\tintimated\tit.\\\" \\\"The\tidea!\tI\tnever\tintimated\tanything\tof\tthe\tkind.\\\" \\\"Why,\tmy\tdear,\tit\thasn't\tbeen\ttwo\tminutes\tsince\tyou\tsaid--\\\" \\\"Bother\t what\t I\t said!\t I\t don't\t care\t what\t I\t did\t say.\t There\t isn't\t any\t harm\t in\t the child's\tchewing\ta\tbit\tof\tpine\tstick\tif\tshe\twants\tto,\tand\tyou\tknow\tit\tperfectly\twell. And\tshe\tshall\tchew\tit,\ttoo.\tSo\tthere,\tnow!\\\" \\\"Say\tno\tmore,\tmy\tdear.\tI\tnow\tsee\tthe\tforce\tof\tyour\treasoning,\tand\tI\twill\tgo and\torder\ttwo\tor\tthree\tcords\tof\tthe\tbest\tpine\twood\tto-day.\tNo\tchild\tof\tmine\tshall want\twhile\tI--\\\" \\\"Oh,\tplease\tgo\talong\tto\tyour\toffice\tand\tlet\tme\thave\tsome\tpeace.\tA\tbody\tcan never\t make\t the\t simplest\t remark\t but\t you\t must\t take\t it\t up\t and\t go\t to\t arguing\t and arguing\t and\t arguing\t till\t you\t don't\t know\t what\t you\t are\t talking\t about,\t and\t you","never\tdo.\\\" \\\"Very\t well,\t it\t shall\t be\t as\t you\t say.\t But\t there\t is\t a\t want\t of\t logic\t in\t your\t last remark\twhich--\\\" However,\t she\t was\t gone\t with\t a\t flourish\t before\t I\t could\t finish,\t and\t had\t taken the\tchild\twith\ther.\tThat\tnight\tat\tdinner\tshe\tconfronted\tme\twith\ta\tface\tas\twhite\tas a\tsheet: \\\"Oh,\tMortimer,\tthere's\tanother!\tLittle\tGeorgie\tGordon\tis\ttaken.\\\" \\\"Membranous\tcroup?\\\" \\\"Membranous\tcroup.\\\" \\\"Is\tthere\tany\thope\tfor\thim?\\\" \\\"None\tin\tthe\twide\tworld.\tOh,\twhat\tis\tto\tbecome\tof\tus!\\\" By\t and\t by\t a\t nurse\t brought\t in\t our\t Penelope\t to\t say\t good\t night\t and\t offer\t the customary\t prayer\t at\t the\t mother's\t knee.\t In\t the\t midst\t of\t \\\"Now\t I\t lay\t me\t down\t to sleep,\\\"\tshe\tgave\ta\tslight\tcough!\tMy\twife\tfell\tback\tlike\tone\tstricken\twith\tdeath. But\t the\t next\t moment\t she\t was\t up\t and\t brimming\t with\t the\t activities\t which\t terror inspires. She\t commanded\t that\t the\t child's\t crib\t be\t removed\t from\t the\t nursery\t to\t our bedroom;\tand\tshe\twent\talong\tto\tsee\tthe\torder\texecuted.\tShe\ttook\tme\twith\ther,\tof course.\tWe\tgot\tmatters\tarranged\twith\tspeed.\tA\tcot-bed\twas\tput\tup\tin\tmy\twife's dressing-room\t for\t the\t nurse.\t But\t now\t Mrs.\t McWilliams\t said\t we\t were\t too\t far away\t from\t the\t other\t baby,\t and\t what\t if\t he\t were\t to\t have\t the\t symptoms\t in\t the night--and\tshe\tblanched\tagain,\tpoor\tthing. We\t then\t restored\t the\t crib\t and\t the\t nurse\t to\t the\t nursery\t and\t put\t up\t a\t bed\t for ourselves\tin\ta\troom\tadjoining. Presently,\t however,\t Mrs.\t McWilliams\t said\t suppose\t the\t baby\t should\t catch\t it from\tPenelope?\tThis\tthought\tstruck\ta\tnew\tpanic\tto\ther\theart,\tand\tthe\ttribe\tof\tus could\t not\t get\t the\t crib\t out\t of\t the\t nursery\t again\t fast\t enough\t to\t satisfy\t my\t wife, though\tshe\tassisted\tin\ther\town\tperson\tand\twell-nigh\tpulled\tthe\tcrib\tto\tpieces\tin her\tfrantic\thurry. We\t moved\t downstairs;\t but\t there\t was\t no\t place\t there\t to\t stow\t the\t nurse,\t and Mrs.\t McWilliams\t said\t the\t nurse's\t experience\t would\t be\t an\t inestimable\t help.\t So we\treturned,\tbag\tand\tbaggage,\tto\tour\town\tbedroom\tonce\tmore,\tand\tfelt\ta\tgreat gladness,\tlike\tstorm-buffeted\tbirds\tthat\thave\tfound\ttheir\tnest\tagain. Mrs.\tMcWilliams\tsped\tto\tthe\tnursery\tto\tsee\thow\tthings\twere\tgoing\ton\tthere. She\twas\tback\tin\ta\tmoment\twith\ta\tnew\tdread.\tShe\tsaid: \\\"What\tcan\tmake\tBaby\tsleep\tso?\\\" I\tsaid:","\\\"Why,\tmy\tdarling,\tBaby\talways\tsleeps\tlike\ta\tgraven\timage.\\\" \\\"I\t know.\t I\t know;\t but\t there's\t something\t peculiar\t about\t his\t sleep\t now.\t He seems\tto--to--he\tseems\tto\tbreathe\tso\tregularly.\tOh,\tthis\tis\tdreadful.\\\" \\\"But,\tmy\tdear,\the\talways\tbreathes\tregularly.\\\" \\\"Oh,\tI\tknow\tit,\tbut\tthere's\tsomething\tfrightful\tabout\tit\tnow.\tHis\tnurse\tis\ttoo young\t and\t inexperienced.\t Maria\t shall\t stay\t there\t with\t her,\t and\t be\t on\t hand\t if anything\thappens.\\\" \\\"That\tis\ta\tgood\tidea,\tbut\twho\twill\thelp\tyou?\\\" \\\"You\t can\t help\t me\t all\t I\t want.\t I\t wouldn't\t allow\t anybody\t to\t do\t anything\t but myself,\tanyhow,\tat\tsuch\ta\ttime\tas\tthis.\\\" I\tsaid\tI\twould\tfeel\tmean\tto\tlie\tabed\tand\tsleep,\tand\tleave\ther\tto\twatch\tand\ttoil over\t our\t little\t patient\t all\t the\t weary\t night.\t But\t she\t reconciled\t me\t to\t it.\t So\t old Maria\tdeparted\tand\ttook\tup\ther\tancient\tquarters\tin\tthe\tnursery. Penelope\tcoughed\ttwice\tin\ther\tsleep. \\\"Oh,\t why\t don't\t that\t doctor\t come!\t Mortimer,\t this\t room\t is\t too\t warm.\t This room\tis\tcertainly\ttoo\twarm.\tTurn\toff\tthe\tregister--quick!\\\" I\tshut\tit\toff,\tglancing\tat\tthe\tthermometer\tat\tthe\tsame\ttime,\tand\twondering\tto myself\tif\t70\twas\ttoo\twarm\tfor\ta\tsick\tchild. The\t coachman\t arrived\t from\t down-town\t now\t with\t the\t news\t that\t our physician\t was\t ill\t and\t confined\t to\t his\t bed.\t Mrs.\t McWilliams\t turned\t a\t dead\t eye upon\tme,\tand\tsaid\tin\ta\tdead\tvoice: \\\"There\t is\t a\t Providence\t in\t it.\t It\t is\t foreordained.\t He\t never\t was\t sick\t before. Never.\t We\t have\t not\t been\t living\t as\t we\t ought\t to\t live,\t Mortimer.\t Time\t and\t time again\tI\thave\ttold\tyou\tso.\tNow\tyou\tsee\tthe\tresult.\tOur\tchild\twill\tnever\tget\twell. Be\tthankful\tif\tyou\tcan\tforgive\tyourself;\tI\tnever\tcan\tforgive\tmyself.\\\" I\tsaid,\twithout\tintent\tto\thurt,\tbut\twith\theedless\tchoice\tof\twords,\tthat\tI\tcould not\tsee\tthat\twe\thad\tbeen\tliving\tsuch\tan\tabandoned\tlife. \\\"Mortimer!\tDo\tyou\twant\tto\tbring\tthe\tjudgment\tupon\tBaby,\ttoo!\\\" Then\tshe\tbegan\tto\tcry,\tbut\tsuddenly\texclaimed: \\\"The\tdoctor\tmust\thave\tsent\tmedicines!\\\" I\tsaid: \\\"Certainly.\tThey\tare\there.\tI\twas\tonly\twaiting\tfor\tyou\tto\tgive\tme\ta\tchance.\\\" \\\"Well\t do\t give\t them\t to\t me!\t Don't\t you\t know\t that\t every\t moment\t is\t precious now?\t But\t what\t was\t the\t use\t in\t sending\t medicines,\t when\t he\t knows\t that\t the disease\tis\tincurable?\\\" I\tsaid\tthat\twhile\tthere\twas\tlife\tthere\twas\thope. \\\"Hope!\t Mortimer,\t you\t know\t no\t more\t what\t you\t are\t talking\t about\t than\t the","child\tunborn.\tIf\tyou\twould--\tAs\tI\tlive,\tthe\tdirections\tsay\t give\tone\tteaspoonful once\t an\t hour!\t Once\t an\t hour!--as\t if\t we\t had\t a\t whole\t year\t before\t us\t to\t save\t the child\t in!\t Mortimer,\t please\t hurry.\t Give\t the\t poor\t perishing\t thing\t a\t tablespoonful, and\ttry\tto\tbe\tquick!\\\" \\\"Why,\tmy\tdear,\ta\ttablespoonful\tmight--\\\" \\\"Don't\t drive\t me\t frantic!\t .\t .\t .\t There,\t there,\t there,\t my\t precious,\t my\t own;\t it's nasty\tbitter\tstuff,\tbut\tit's\tgood\tfor\tNelly--good\tfor\tmother's\tprecious\tdarling;\tand it\t will\t make\t her\t well.\t There,\t there,\t there,\t put\t the\t little\t head\t on\t mamma's\t breast and\t go\t to\t sleep,\t and\t pretty\t soon--oh,\t I\t know\t she\t can't\t live\t till\t morning! Mortimer,\ta\ttablespoonful\tevery\thalf-hour\twill--\tOh,\tthe\tchild\tneeds\tbelladonna, too;\tI\tknow\tshe\tdoes--and\taconite.\tGet\tthem,\tMortimer.\tNow\tdo\tlet\tme\thave\tmy way.\tYou\tknow\tnothing\tabout\tthese\tthings.\\\" We\t now\t went\t to\t bed,\t placing\t the\t crib\t close\t to\t my\t wife's\t pillow.\t All\t this turmoil\thad\tworn\tupon\tme,\tand\twithin\ttwo\tminutes\tI\twas\tsomething\tmore\tthan half\tasleep.\tMrs.\tMcWilliams\troused\tme: \\\"Darling,\tis\tthat\tregister\tturned\ton?\\\" \\\"No.\\\" \\\"I\tthought\tas\tmuch.\tPlease\tturn\tit\ton\tat\tonce.\tThis\troom\tis\tcold.\\\" I\tturned\tit\ton,\tand\tpresently\tfell\tasleep\tagain.\tI\twas\taroused\tonce\tmore: \\\"Dearie,\twould\tyou\tmind\tmoving\tthe\tcrib\tto\tyour\tside\tof\tthe\tbed?\tIt\tis\tnearer the\tregister.\\\" I\tmoved\tit,\tbut\thad\ta\tcollision\twith\tthe\trug\tand\twoke\tup\tthe\tchild.\tI\tdozed\toff once\tmore,\twhile\tmy\twife\tquieted\tthe\tsufferer.\tBut\tin\ta\tlittle\twhile\tthese\twords came\tmurmuring\tremotely\tthrough\tthe\tfog\tof\tmy\tdrowsiness: \\\"Mortimer,\tif\twe\tonly\thad\tsome\tgoose\tgrease--will\tyou\tring?\\\" I\tclimbed\tdreamily\tout,\tand\tstepped\ton\ta\tcat,\twhich\tresponded\twith\ta\tprotest and\twould\thave\tgot\ta\tconvincing\tkick\tfor\tit\tif\ta\tchair\thad\tnot\tgot\tit\tinstead. \\\"Now,\tMortimer,\twhy\tdo\tyou\twant\tto\tturn\tup\tthe\tgas\tand\twake\tup\tthe\tchild again?\\\" \\\"Because\tI\twant\tto\tsee\thow\tmuch\tI\tam\thurt,\tCaroline.\\\" \\\"Well,\t look\t at\t the\t chair,\t too--I\t have\t no\t doubt\t it\t is\t ruined.\t Poor\t cat,\t suppose you\thad--\\\" \\\"Now\tI\tam\tnot\tgoing\tto\tsuppose\tanything\tabout\tthe\tcat.\tIt\tnever\twould\thave occurred\t if\t Maria\t had\t been\t allowed\t to\t remain\t here\t and\t attend\t to\t these\t duties, which\tare\tin\ther\tline\tand\tare\tnot\tin\tmine.\\\" \\\"Now,\t Mortimer,\t I\t should\t think\t you\t would\t be\t ashamed\t to\t make\t a\t remark like\tthat.\tIt\tis\ta\tpity\tif\tyou\tcannot\tdo\tthe\tfew\tlittle\tthings\tI\task\tof\tyou\tat\tsuch\tan","awful\ttime\tas\tthis\twhen\tour\tchild--\\\" \\\"There,\tthere,\tI\twill\tdo\tanything\tyou\twant.\tBut\tI\tcan't\traise\tanybody\twith\tthis bell.\tThey're\tall\tgone\tto\tbed.\tWhere\tis\tthe\tgoose\tgrease?\\\" \\\"On\tthe\tmantelpiece\tin\tthe\tnursery.\tIf\tyou'll\tstep\tthere\tand\tspeak\tto\tMaria--\\\" I\tfetched\tthe\tgoose\tgrease\tand\twent\tto\tsleep\tagain.\tOnce\tmore\tI\twas\tcalled: \\\"Mortimer,\tI\tso\thate\tto\tdisturb\tyou,\tbut\tthe\troom\tis\tstill\ttoo\tcold\tfor\tme\tto\ttry to\t apply\t this\t stuff.\t Would\t you\t mind\t lighting\t the\t fire?\t It\t is\t all\t ready\t to\t touch\t a match\tto.\\\" I\tdragged\tmyself\tout\tand\tlit\tthe\tfire,\tand\tthen\tsat\tdown\tdisconsolate. \\\"Mortimer,\tdon't\tsit\tthere\tand\tcatch\tyour\tdeath\tof\tcold.\tCome\tto\tbed.\\\" As\tI\twas\tstepping\tin\tshe\tsaid: \\\"But\twait\ta\tmoment.\tPlease\tgive\tthe\tchild\tsome\tmore\tof\tthe\tmedicine.\\\" Which\tI\tdid.\tIt\twas\ta\tmedicine\twhich\tmade\ta\tchild\tmore\tor\tless\tlively;\tso\tmy wife\t made\t use\t of\t its\t waking\t interval\t to\t strip\t it\t and\t grease\t it\t all\t over\t with\t the goose\toil.\tI\twas\tsoon\tasleep\tonce\tmore,\tbut\tonce\tmore\tI\thad\tto\tget\tup. \\\"Mortimer,\t I\t feel\t a\t draft.\t I\t feel\t it\t distinctly.\t There\t is\t nothing\t so\t bad\t for\t this disease\tas\ta\tdraft.\tPlease\tmove\tthe\tcrib\tin\tfront\tof\tthe\tfire.\\\" I\t did\t it;\t and\t collided\t with\t the\t rug\t again,\t which\t I\t threw\t in\t the\t fire.\t Mrs. McWilliams\t sprang\t out\t of\t bed\t and\t rescued\t it\t and\t we\t had\t some\t words.\t I\t had another\t trifling\t interval\t of\t sleep,\t and\t then\t got\t up,\t by\t request,\t and\t constructed\t a flax-seed\tpoultice.\tThis\twas\tplaced\tupon\tthe\tchild's\tbreast\tand\tleft\tthere\tto\tdo\tits healing\twork. A\t wood-fire\t is\t not\t a\t permanent\t thing.\t I\t got\t up\t every\t twenty\t minutes\t and renewed\t ours,\t and\t this\t gave\t Mrs.\t McWilliams\t the\t opportunity\t to\t shorten\t the times\t of\t giving\t the\t medicines\t by\t ten\t minutes,\t which\t was\t a\t great\t satisfaction\t to her.\t Now\t and\t then,\t between\t times,\t I\t reorganized\t the\t flax-seed\t poultices,\t and applied\t sinapisms\t and\t other\t sorts\t of\t blisters\t where\t unoccupied\t places\t could\t be found\t upon\t the\t child.\t Well,\t toward\t morning\t the\t wood\t gave\t out\t and\t my\t wife wanted\tme\tto\tgo\tdown\tcellar\tand\tget\tsome\tmore.\tI\tsaid: \\\"My\t dear,\t it\t is\t a\t laborious\t job,\t and\t the\t child\t must\t be\t nearly\t warm\t enough, with\ther\textra\tclothing.\tNow\tmightn't\twe\tput\ton\tanother\tlayer\tof\tpoultices\tand--\\\" I\tdid\tnot\tfinish,\tbecause\tI\twas\tinterrupted.\tI\tlugged\twood\tup\tfrom\tbelow\tfor some\tlittle\ttime,\tand\tthen\tturned\tin\tand\tfell\tto\tsnoring\tas\tonly\ta\tman\tcan\twhose strength\t is\t all\t gone\t and\t whose\t soul\t is\t worn\t out.\t Just\t at\t broad\t daylight\t I\t felt\t a grip\t on\t my\t shoulder\t that\t brought\t me\t to\t my\t senses\t suddenly.\t My\t wife\t was glaring\tdown\tupon\tme\tand\tgasping.\tAs\tsoon\tas\tshe\tcould\tcommand\ther\ttongue she\tsaid:","\\\"It\tis\tall\tover!\tAll\tover!\tThe\tchild's\tperspiring!\tWhat\tshall\twe\tdo?\\\" \\\"Mercy,\thow\tyou\tterrify\tme!\tI\tdon't\tknow\twhat\twe\tought\tto\tdo.\tMaybe\tif\twe scraped\ther\tand\tput\ther\tin\tthe\tdraft\tagain--\\\" \\\"Oh,\t idiot!\t There\t is\t not\t a\t moment\t to\t lose!\t Go\t for\t the\t doctor.\t Go\t yourself. Tell\thim\the\tmust\tcome,\tdead\tor\talive.\\\" I\tdragged\tthat\tpoor\tsick\tman\tfrom\this\tbed\tand\tbrought\thim.\tHe\tlooked\tat\tthe child\t and\t said\t she\t was\t not\t dying.\t This\t was\t joy\t unspeakable\t to\t me,\t but\t it\t made my\t wife\t as\t mad\t as\t if\t he\t had\t offered\t her\t a\t personal\t affront.\t Then\t he\t said\t the child's\tcough\twas\tonly\tcaused\tby\tsome\ttrifling\tirritation\tor\tother\tin\tthe\tthroat.\tAt this\tI\tthought\tmy\twife\thad\ta\tmind\tto\tshow\thim\tthe\tdoor.\tNow\tthe\tdoctor\tsaid\the would\t make\t the\t child\t cough\t harder\t and\t dislodge\t the\t trouble.\t So\t he\t gave\t her something\tthat\tsent\ther\tinto\ta\tspasm\tof\tcoughing,\tand\tpresently\tup\tcame\ta\tlittle wood\tsplinter\tor\tso. \\\"This\tchild\thas\tno\tmembranous\tcroup,\\\"\tsaid\the.\t\\\"She\thas\tbeen\tchewing\ta\tbit of\tpine\tshingle\tor\tsomething\tof\tthe\tkind,\tand\tgot\tsome\tlittle\tslivers\tin\ther\tthroat. They\twon't\tdo\ther\tany\thurt.\\\" \\\"No,\\\"\tsaid\tI,\t\\\"I\tcan\twell\tbelieve\tthat.\tIndeed,\tthe\tturpentine\tthat\tis\tin\tthem\tis very\tgood\tfor\tcertain\tsorts\tof\tdiseases\tthat\tare\tpeculiar\tto\tchildren.\tMy\twife\twill tell\tyou\tso.\\\" But\tshe\tdid\tnot.\tShe\tturned\taway\tin\tdisdain\tand\tleft\tthe\troom;\tand\tsince\tthat time\t there\t is\t one\t episode\t in\t our\t life\t which\t we\t never\t refer\t to.\t Hence\t the\t tide\t of our\tdays\tflows\tby\tin\tdeep\tand\tuntroubled\tserenity. Very\tfew\tmarried\tmen\thave\tsuch\tan\texperience\tas\tMcWilliams's,\tand\tso\tthe author\tof\tthis\tbook\tthought\tthat\tmaybe\tthe\tnovelty\tof\tit\twould\tgive\tit\ta\tpassing interest\tto\tthe\treader. 1875","SOME\tLEARNED\tFABLES FOR\tGOOD\tOLD\tBOYS\tAND\tGIRLS In\tThree\tParts PART\tFIRST\tHOW\tTHE\tANIMALS\tOF\tTHE WOOD SENT\tOUT\tA\tSCIENTIFIC\tEXPEDITION ONCE\tTHE\tcreatures\tof\tthe\tforest\theld\ta\tgreat\tconvention\tand\tappointed\ta commission\tconsisting\tof\tthe\tmost\tillustrious\tscientists\tamong\tthem\tto\tgo\tforth, clear\t beyond\t the\t forest\t and\t out\t into\t the\t unknown\t and\t unexplored\t world,\t to verify\t the\t truth\t of\t the\t matters\t already\t taught\t in\t their\t schools\t and\t colleges\t and also\t to\t make\t discoveries.\t It\t was\t the\t most\t imposing\t enterprise\t of\t the\t kind\t the nation\thad\tever\tembarked\tin.\tTrue,\tthe\tgovernment\thad\tonce\tsent\tDr.\tBull\tFrog, with\ta\tpicked\tcrew,\tto\thunt\tfor\ta\tnorthwesterly\tpassage\tthrough\tthe\tswamp\tto\tthe right-hand\tcorner\tof\tthe\twood,\tand\thad\tsince\tsent\tout\tmany\texpeditions\tto\thunt for\tDr.\tBull\tFrog;\tbut\tthey\tnever\tcould\tfind\thim,\tand\tso\tgovernment\tfinally\tgave him\t up\t and\t ennobled\t his\t mother\t to\t show\t its\t gratitude\t for\t the\t services\t her\t son had\trendered\tto\tscience.\tAnd\tonce\tgovernment\tsent\tSir\tGrass\tHopper\tto\thunt\tfor the\tsources\tof\tthe\trill\tthat\temptied\tinto\tthe\tswamp;\tand\tafterward\tsent\tout\tmany expeditions\tto\thunt\tfor\tSir\tGrass,\tand\tat\tlast\tthey\twere\tsuccessful--they\tfound\this body,\t but\t if\t he\t had\t discovered\t the\t sources\t meantime,\t he\t did\t not\t let\t on.\t So government\tacted\thandsomely\tby\tdeceased,\tand\tmany\tenvied\this\tfuneral. But\tthese\texpeditions\twere\ttrifles\tcompared\twith\tthe\tpresent\tone;\tfor\tthis\tone comprised\tamong\tits\tservants\tthe\tvery\tgreatest\tamong\tthe\tlearned;\tand\tbesides\tit was\t to\t go\t to\t the\t utterly\t unvisited\t regions\t believed\t to\t lie\t beyond\t the\t mighty forest--as\t we\t have\t remarked\t before.\t How\t the\t members\t were\t banqueted,\t and glorified,\t and\t talked\t about!\t Everywhere\t that\t one\t of\t them\t showed\t himself, straightway\tthere\twas\ta\tcrowd\tto\tgape\tand\tstare\tat\thim. Finally\tthey\tset\toff,\tand\tit\twas\ta\tsight\tto\tsee\tthe\tlong\tprocession\tof\tdry-land Tortoises\t heavily\t laden\t with\t savants,\t scientific\t instruments,\t Glow-Worms\t and Fire-Flies\t for\t signal\t service,\t provisions,\t Ants\t and\t Tumble-Bugs\t to\t fetch\t and carry\t and\tdelve,\t Spiders\t to\tcarry\tthe\tsurveying\tchain\tand\tdo\tother\tengineering duty,\t and\t so\t forth\t and\t so\t on;\t and\t after\t the\t Tortoises\t came\t another\t long\t train\t of ironclads--stately\t and\t spacious\t Mud\t Turtles\t for\t marine\t transportation\t service; and\t from\t every\t Tortoise\t and\t every\t Turtle\t flaunted\t a\t flaming\t gladiolus\t or\t other","splendid\t banner;\t at\t the\t head\t of\t the\t column\t a\t great\t band\t of\t Bumble-Bees, Mosquitoes,\t Katy-Dids,\t and\t Crickets\t discoursed\t martial\t music;\t and\t the\t entire train\t was\t under\t the\t escort\t and\t protection\t of\t twelve\t picked\t regiments\t of\t the Army\tWorm. At\tthe\tend\tof\tthree\tweeks\tthe\texpedition\temerged\tfrom\tthe\tforest\tand\tlooked upon\t the\t great\t Unknown\t World.\t Their\t eyes\t were\t greeted\t with\t an\t impressive spectacle.\tA\tvast\tlevel\tplain\tstretched\tbefore\tthem,\twatered\tby\ta\tsinuous\tstream; and\t beyond\t there\t towered\t up\t against\t the\t sky\t a\t long\t and\t lofty\t barrier\t of\t some kind,\t they\t did\t not\t know\t what.\t The\t Tumble-Bug\t said\t he\t believed\t it\t was\t simply land\ttilted\tup\ton\tits\tedge,\tbecause\the\tknew\the\tcould\tsee\ttrees\ton\tit.\tBut\tProfessor Snail\tand\tthe\tothers\tsaid: \\\"You\tare\thired\tto\tdig,\tsir--that\tis\tall.\tWe\tneed\tyour\tmuscle,\tnot\tyour\tbrains. When\t we\t want\t your\t opinion\t on\t scientific\t matters,\t we\t will\t hasten\t to\t let\t you know.\tYour\tcoolness\tis\tintolerable,\ttoo--loafing\tabout\there\tmeddling\twith\taugust matters\t of\t learning,\t when\t the\t other\t laborers\t are\t pitching\t camp.\t Go\t along\t and help\thandle\tthe\tbaggage.\\\" The\t Tumble-Bug\t turned\t on\t his\t heel\t uncrushed,\t unabashed,\t observing\t to himself,\t\\\"If\tit\tisn't\tland\ttilted\tup,\tlet\tme\tdie\tthe\tdeath\tof\tthe\tunrighteous.\\\" Professor\tBull\tFrog\t(nephew\tof\tthe\tlate\texplorer)\tsaid\the\tbelieved\tthe\tridge was\tthe\twall\tthat\tinclosed\tthe\tearth.\tHe\tcontinued: \\\"Our\tfathers\thave\tleft\tus\tmuch\tlearning,\tbut\tthey\thad\tnot\ttraveled\tfar,\tand\tso we\t may\t count\t this\t a\t noble\t new\t discovery.\t We\t are\t safe\t for\t renown\t now,\t even though\tour\tlabors\tbegan\tand\tended\twith\tthis\tsingle\tachievement.\tI\twonder\twhat this\t wall\t is\t built\t of?\t Can\t it\t be\t fungus?\t Fungus\t is\t an\t honorable\t good\t thing\t to build\ta\twall\tof.\\\" Professor\t Snail\t adjusted\t his\t field-glass\t and\t examined\t the\t rampart\t critically. Finally\the\tsaid: \\\"The\t fact\t that\t it\t is\t not\t diaphanous\t convinces\t me\t that\t it\t is\t a\t dense\t vapor formed\t by\t the\t calorification\t of\t ascending\t moisture\t dephlogisticated\t by refraction.\t A\t few\t endiometrical\t experiments\t would\t confirm\t this,\t but\t it\t is\t not necessary.\tThe\tthing\tis\tobvious.\\\" So\t he\t shut\t up\t his\t glass\t and\t went\t into\t his\t shell\t to\t make\t a\t note\t of\t the discovery\tof\tthe\tworld's\tend,\tand\tthe\tnature\tof\tit. \\\"Profound\t mind!\\\"\t said\t Professor\t Angle-Worm\t to\t Professor\t Field-Mouse; \\\"profound\tmind!\tnothing\tcan\tlong\tremain\ta\tmystery\tto\tthat\taugust\tbrain.\\\" Night\tdrew\ton\tapace,\tthe\tsentinel\tcrickets\twere\tposted,\tthe\tGlow-Worm\tand Fire-Fly\t lamps\t were\t lighted,\t and\t the\t camp\t sank\t to\t silence\t and\t sleep.\t After","breakfast\t in\t the\t morning,\t the\t expedition\t moved\t on.\t About\t noon\t a\t great\t avenue was\treached,\twhich\thad\tin\tit\ttwo\tendless\tparallel\tbars\tof\tsome\tkind\tof\thard\tblack substance,\traised\tthe\theight\tof\tthe\ttallest\tBull\tFrog\tabove\tthe\tgeneral\tlevel.\tThe scientists\t climbed\t up\t on\t these\t and\t examined\t and\t tested\t them\t in\t various\t ways. They\twalked\talong\tthem\tfor\ta\tgreat\tdistance,\tbut\tfound\tno\tend\tand\tno\tbreak\tin them.\t They\t could\t arrive\t at\t no\t decision.\t There\t was\t nothing\t in\t the\t records\t of science\t that\t mentioned\t anything\t of\t this\t kind.\t But\t at\t last\t the\t bald\t and\t venerable geographer,\t Professor\t Mud\t Turtle,\t a\t person\t who,\t born\t poor,\t and\t of\t a\t drudging low\t family,\t had,\t by\t his\t own\t native\t force\t raised\t himself\t to\t the\t headship\t of\t the geographers\tof\this\tgeneration,\tsaid: \\\"My\t friends,\t we\t have\t indeed\t made\t a\t discovery\t here.\t We\t have\t found\t in\t a palpable,\tcompact,\tand\timperishable\tstate\twhat\tthe\twisest\tof\tour\tfathers\talways regarded\tas\ta\tmere\tthing\tof\tthe\timagination.\tHumble\tyourselves,\tmy\tfriends,\tfor we\tstand\tin\ta\tmajestic\tpresence.\tThese\tare\tparallels\tof\tlatitude!\\\" Every\t heart\t and\t every\t head\t was\t bowed,\t so\t awful,\t so\t sublime\t was\t the magnitude\tof\tthe\tdiscovery.\tMany\tshed\ttears. The\tcamp\twas\tpitched\tand\tthe\trest\tof\tthe\tday\tgiven\tup\tto\twriting\tvoluminous accounts\t of\t the\t marvel,\t and\t correcting\t astronomical\t tables\t to\t fit\t it.\t Toward midnight\t a\t demoniacal\t shriek\t was\t heard,\t then\t a\t clattering\t and\t rumbling\t noise, and\t the\t next\t instant\t a\t vast\t terrific\t eye\t shot\t by,\t with\t a\t long\t tail\t attached,\t and disappeared\tin\tthe\tgloom,\tstill\tuttering\ttriumphant\tshrieks. The\tpoor\tcamp\tlaborers\twere\tstricken\tto\tthe\theart\twith\tfright,\tand\tstampeded for\t the\t high\t grass\t in\t a\t body.\t But\t not\t the\t scientists.\t They\t had\t no\t superstitions. They\t calmly\t proceeded\t to\t exchange\t theories.\t The\t ancient\t geographer's\t opinion was\tasked.\tHe\twent\tinto\this\tshell\tand\tdeliberated\tlong\tand\tprofoundly.\tWhen\the came\t out\t at\t last,\t they\t all\t knew\t by\t his\t worshiping\t countenance\t that\t he\t brought light.\tSaid\the: \\\"Give\t thanks\t for\t this\t stupendous\t thing\t which\t we\t have\t been\t permitted\t to witness.\tIt\tis\tthe\tVernal\tEquinox!\\\" There\twere\tshoutings\tand\tgreat\trejoicings. \\\"But,\\\"\tsaid\tthe\tAngle-Worm,\tuncoiling\tafter\treflection,\t\\\"this\tis\tdead\tsummer- time.\\\" \\\"Very\t well,\\\"\t said\t the\t Turtle,\t \\\"we\t are\t far\t from\t our\t region;\t the\t season\t differs with\tthe\tdifference\tof\ttime\tbetween\tthe\ttwo\tpoints.\\\" \\\"Ah,\t true.\t True\t enough.\t But\t it\t is\t night.\t How\t should\t the\t sun\t pass\t in\t the night?\\\" \\\"In\tthese\tdistant\tregions\the\tdoubtless\tpasses\talways\tin\tthe\tnight\tat\tthis\thour.\\\"","\\\"Yes,\t doubtless\t that\t is\t true.\t But\t it\t being\t night,\t how\t is\t it\t that\t we\t could\t see him?\\\" \\\"It\t is\t a\t great\t mystery.\t I\t grant\t that.\t But\t I\t am\t persuaded\t that\t the\t humidity\t of the\t atmosphere\t in\t these\t remote\t regions\t is\t such\t that\t particles\t of\t daylight\t adhere to\tthe\tdisk\tand\tit\twas\tby\taid\tof\tthese\tthat\twe\twere\tenabled\tto\tsee\tthe\tsun\tin\tthe dark.\\\" This\twas\tdeemed\tsatisfactory,\tand\tdue\tentry\twas\tmade\tof\tthe\tdecision. But\tabout\tthis\tmoment\tthose\tdreadful\tshriekings\twere\theard\tagain;\tagain\tthe rumbling\t and\t thundering\t came\t speeding\t up\t out\t of\t the\t night;\t and\t once\t more\t a flaming\tgreat\teye\tflashed\tby\tand\tlost\titself\tin\tgloom\tand\tdistance. The\t camp\t laborers\t gave\t themselves\t up\t for\t lost.\t The\t savants\t were\t sorely perplexed.\tHere\twas\ta\tmarvel\thard\tto\taccount\tfor.\tThey\tthought\tand\tthey\ttalked, they\t talked\t and\t they\t thought.\t Finally\t the\t learned\t and\t aged\t Lord\t Grand-Daddy- Longlegs,\twho\thad\tbeen\tsitting\tin\tdeep\tstudy,\twith\this\tslender\tlimbs\tcrossed\tand his\tstemmy\tarms\tfolded,\tsaid: \\\"Deliver\tyour\topinions,\tbrethren,\tand\tthen\tI\twill\ttell\tmy\tthought--for\tI\tthink\tI have\tsolved\tthis\tproblem.\\\" \\\"So\t be\t it,\t good\t your\t lordship,\\\"\t piped\t the\t weak\t treble\t of\t the\t wrinkled\t and withered\t Professor\t Woodlouse,\t \\\"for\t we\t shall\t hear\t from\t your\t lordship's\t lips naught\t but\t wisdom.\\\"\t [Here\t the\t speaker\t threw\t in\t a\t mess\t of\t trite,\t threadbare, exasperating\tquotations\tfrom\tthe\tancient\tpoets\tand\tphilosophers,\tdelivering\tthem with\tunction\tin\tthe\tsounding\tgrandeurs\tof\tthe\toriginal\ttongues,\tthey\tbeing\tfrom the\t Mastodon,\t the\t Dodo,\t and\t other\t dead\t languages.]\t \\\"Perhaps\t I\t ought\t not\t to presume\t to\t meddle\t with\t matters\t pertaining\t to\t astronomy\t at\t all,\t in\t such\t a presence\tas\tthis,\tI\twho\thave\tmade\tit\tthe\tbusiness\tof\tmy\tlife\tto\tdelve\tonly\tamong the\triches\tof\tthe\textinct\tlanguages\tand\tunearth\tthe\topulence\tof\ttheir\tancient\tlore; but\tstill,\tas\tunacquainted\tas\tI\tam\twith\tthe\tnoble\tscience\tof\tastronomy,\tI\tbeg\twith deference\tand\thumility\tto\tsuggest\t that\tinasmuch\tas\tthe\tlast\tof\tthese\twonderful apparitions\tproceeded\tin\texactly\tthe\topposite\tdirection\tfrom\tthat\tpursued\tby\tthe first,\twhich\tyou\tdecide\tto\tbe\tthe\tVernal\tEquinox,\tand\tgreatly\tresembled\tit\tin\tall particulars,\tis\tit\tnot\tpossible,\tnay\tcertain,\tthat\tthis\tlast\tis\tthe\tAutumnal\tEqui--\\\" \\\"O-o-o!\\\"\t \\\"O-o-o!\t go\t to\t bed!\t go\t to\t bed!\\\"\t with\t annoyed\t derision\t from everybody.\t So\t the\t poor\t old\t Woodlouse\t retreated\t out\t of\t sight,\t consumed\t with shame. Further\t discussion\t followed,\t and\t then\t the\t united\t voice\t of\t the\t commission begged\tLord\tLonglegs\tto\tspeak.\tHe\tsaid: \\\"Fellow-scientists,\t it\t is\t my\t belief\t that\t we\t have\t witnessed\t a\t thing\t which\t has","occurred\tin\tperfection\tbut\tonce\tbefore\tin\tthe\tknowledge\tof\tcreated\tbeings.\tIt\tis\ta phenomenon\tof\tinconceivable\timportance\tand\tinterest,\tview\tit\t as\tone\tmay,\tbut its\tinterest\tto\tus\tis\tvastly\theightened\tby\tan\tadded\tknowledge\tof\tits\tnature\twhich no\tscholar\thas\theretofore\tpossessed\tor\teven\tsuspected.\tThis\tgreat\tmarvel\twhich we\t have\t just\t witnessed,\t fellow-savants\t (it\t almost\t takes\t my\t breath\t away),\t is nothing\tless\tthan\tthe\ttransit\tof\tVenus!\\\" Every\t scholar\t sprang\t to\t his\t feet\t pale\t with\t astonishment.\t Then\t ensued\t tears, hand\tshakings,\tfrenzied\tembraces,\tand\tthe\tmost\textravagant\tjubilations\tof\tevery sort.\t But\t by\t and\t by,\t as\t emotion\t began\t to\t retire\t within\t bounds,\t and\t reflection\t to return\tto\tthe\tfront,\tthe\taccomplished\tChief\tInspector\tLizard\tobserved: \\\"But\thow\tis\tthis?\tVenus\tshould\ttraverse\tthe\tsun's\tsurface,\tnot\tthe\tearth's.\\\" The\t arrow\t went\t home.\t It\t carried\t sorrow\t to\t the\t breast\t of\t every\t apostle\t of learning\t there,\t for\t none\t could\t deny\t that\t this\t was\t a\t formidable\t criticism.\t But tranquilly\tthe\tvenerable\tDuke\tcrossed\this\tlimbs\tbehind\this\tears\tand\tsaid: \\\"My\t friend\t has\t touched\t the\t marrow\t of\t our\t mighty\t discovery.\t Yes--all\t that have\t lived\t before\t us\t thought\t a\t transit\t of\t Venus\t consisted\t of\t a\t flight\t across\t the sun's\t face;\t they\t thought\t it,\t they\t maintained\t it,\t they\t honestly\t believed\t it,\t simple hearts,\tand\twere\tjustified\tin\tit\tby\tthe\tlimitations\tof\ttheir\tknowledge;\tbut\tto\tus\thas been\t granted\t the\t inestimable\t boon\t of\t proving\t that\t the\t transit\t occurs\t across\t the earth's\tface,\tfor\twe\thave\tSEEN\tit!\\\" The\tassembled\twisdom\tsat\tin\tspeechless\tadoration\tof\tthis\timperial\tintellect. All\tdoubts\thad\tinstantly\tdeparted,\tlike\tnight\tbefore\tthe\tlightning. The\tTumble-Bug\thad\tjust\tintruded,\tunnoticed.\tHe\tnow\tcame\treeling\tforward among\t the\t scholars,\t familiarly\t slapping\t first\t one\t and\t then\t another\t on\t the shoulder,\t saying\t \\\"Nice\t ('ic!)\t nice\t old\t boy!\\\"\t and\t smiling\t a\t smile\t of\t elaborate content.\tArrived\tat\ta\tgood\tposition\tfor\tspeaking,\the\tput\this\tleft\tarm\takimbo\twith his\tknuckles\tplanted\tin\this\thip\tjust\tunder\tthe\tedge\tof\this\tcut-away\tcoat,\tbent\this right\t leg,\t placing\t his\t toe\t on\t the\t ground\t and\t resting\t his\t heel\t with\t easy\t grace against\this\tleft\tshin,\tpuffed\tout\this\taldermanic\tstomach,\topened\this\tlips,\tleaned his\tright\telbow\ton\tInspector\tLizard's\tshoulder,\tand-- But\tthe\tshoulder\twas\tindignantly\twithdrawn\tand\tthe\thard-handed\tson\tof\ttoil went\t to\t earth.\t He\t floundered\t a\t bit,\t but\t came\t up\t smiling,\t arranged\t his\t attitude with\t the\t same\t careful\t detail\t as\t before,\t only\t choosing\t Professor\t Dogtick's shoulder\tfor\ta\tsupport,\topened\this\tlips\tand-- Went\t to\t earth\t again.\t He\t presently\t scrambled\t up\t once\t more,\t still\t smiling, made\ta\tloose\teffort\tto\tbrush\tthe\tdust\toff\this\tcoat\tand\tlegs,\tbut\ta\tsmart\tpass\tof\this hand\t missed\t entirely,\t and\t the\t force\t of\t the\t unchecked\t impulse\t slewed\t him","suddenly\t around,\t twisted\t his\t legs\t together,\t and\t projected\t him,\t limber\t and sprawling,\t into\t the\t lap\t of\t the\t Lord\t Longlegs.\t Two\t or\t three\t scholars\t sprang forward,\tflung\tthe\tlow\tcreature\thead\tover\theels\tinto\ta\tcorner,\tand\treinstated\tthe patrician,\t smoothing\t his\t ruffled\t dignity\t with\t many\t soothing\t and\t regretful speeches.\tProfessor\tBull\tFrog\troared\tout: \\\"No\t more\t of\t this,\t sirrah\t Tumble-Bug!\t Say\t your\t say\t and\t then\t get\t you\t about your\tbusiness\twith\tspeed!\tQuick--what\tis\tyour\terrand?\tCome--move\toff\ta\ttrifle; you\tsmell\tlike\ta\tstable;\twhat\thave\tyou\tbeen\tat?\\\" \\\"Please\t ('ic!)\t please\t your\t worship\t I\t chanced\t to\t light\t upon\t a\t find.\t But\t no\t m (e-uck!)\t matter\t 'bout\t that.\t There's\t b\t ('ic!)\t been\t another\t find\t which--beg\t pardon, your\thonors,\twhat\twas\tthat\tth\t('ic!)\tthing\tthat\tripped\tby\there\tfirst?\\\" \\\"It\twas\tthe\tVernal\tEquinox.\\\" \\\"Inf\t ('ic!)\t fernal\t equinox.\t 'At's\t all\t right.\t D\t ('ic!)\t Dunno\t him.\t What's\t other one?\\\" \\\"The\ttransit\tof\tVenus.\\\" \\\"G\t('ic!)\tGot\tme\tagain.\tNo\tmatter.\tLas'\tone\tdropped\tsomething.\\\" \\\"Ah,\tindeed!\tGood\tluck!\tGood\tnews!\tQuick--what\tis\tit?\\\" \\\"M\t('ic!)\tMosey\tout\t'n'\tsee.\tIt'll\tpay.\\\" No\t more\t votes\t were\t taken\t for\t four-and-twenty\t hours.\t Then\t the\t following entry\twas\tmade: \\\"The\tcommission\twent\tin\ta\tbody\tto\tview\tthe\tfind.\tIt\twas\tfound\tto\tconsist\tof a\t hard,\t smooth,\t huge\t object\t with\t a\t rounded\t summit\t surmounted\t by\t a\t short upright\t projection\t resembling\t a\t section\t of\t a\t cabbage\t stalk\t divided\t transversely. This\t projection\t was\t not\t solid,\t but\t was\t a\t hollow\t cylinder\t plugged\t with\t a\t soft woody\t substance\t unknown\t to\t our\t region--that\t is,\t it\t had\t been\t so\t plugged,\t but unfortunately\t this\t obstruction\t had\t been\t heedlessly\t removed\t by\t Norway\t Rat, Chief\tof\tthe\tSappers\tand\tMiners,\tbefore\tour\tarrival.\tThe\tvast\tobject\tbefore\tus,\tso mysteriously\t conveyed\t from\t the\t glittering\t domains\t of\t space,\t was\t found\t to\t be hollow\tand\tnearly\tfilled\twith\ta\tpungent\tliquid\tof\ta\tbrownish\thue,\tlike\train\twater that\thas\tstood\tfor\tsome\ttime.\tAnd\tsuch\ta\tspectacle\tas\tmet\tour\tview!\tNorway\tRat was\t perched\t upon\t the\t summit\t engaged\t in\t thrusting\t his\t tail\t into\t the\t cylindrical projection,\t drawing\t it\t out\t dripping,\t permitting\t the\t struggling\t multitude\t of laborers\t to\t suck\t the\t end\t of\t it,\t then\t straightway\t reinserting\t it\t and\t delivering\t the fluid\tto\tthe\tmob\t as\tbefore.\t Evidently\tthis\tliquor\thad\tstrangely\tpotent\tqualities; for\t all\t that\t partook\t of\t it\t were\t immediately\t exalted\t with\t great\t and\t pleasurable emotions,\t and\t went\t staggering\t about\t singing\t ribald\t songs,\t embracing,\t fighting, dancing,\tdischarging\tirruptions\tof\tprofanity,\tand\tdefying\tall\tauthority.\tAround\tus","struggled\t a\t massed\t and\t uncontrolled\t mob--uncontrolled\t and\t likewise uncontrollable,\tfor\tthe\twhole\tarmy,\tdown\tto\tthe\tvery\tsentinels,\twere\tmad\tlike\tthe rest,\t by\t reason\t of\t the\t drink.\t We\t were\t seized\t upon\t by\t these\t reckless\t creatures, and\t within\t the\t hour\t we,\t even\t we,\t were\t undistinguishable\t from\t the\t rest--the demoralization\t was\t complete\t and\t universal.\t In\t time\t the\t camp\t wore\t itself\t out with\t its\t orgies\t and\t sank\t into\t a\t stolid\t and\t pitiable\t stupor,\t in\t whose\t mysterious bonds\t rank\t was\t forgotten\t and\t strange\t bedfellows\t made,\t our\t eyes,\t at\t the resurrection,\t being\t blasted\t and\t our\t souls\t petrified\t with\t the\t incredible\t spectacle of\t that\t intolerable\t stinking\t scavenger,\t the\t Tumble-Bug,\t and\t the\t illustrious patrician\t my\t Lord\t Grand\t Daddy,\t Duke\t of\t Longlegs,\t lying\t soundly\t steeped\t in sleep,\tand\tclasped\tlovingly\tin\teach\tother's\tarms,\tthe\tlike\twhereof\thath\tnot\tbeen seen\t in\t all\t the\t ages\t that\t tradition\t compasseth,\t and\t doubtless\t none\t shall\t ever\t in this\tworld\tfind\tfaith\tto\tmaster\tthe\tbelief\tof\tit\tsave\tonly\twe\tthat\thave\tbeheld\tthe damnable\t and\t unholy\t vision.\t Thus\t inscrutable\t be\t the\t ways\t of\t God,\t whose\t will be\tdone! \\\"This\t day,\t by\t order,\t did\t the\t engineerin-chief,\t Herr\t Spider,\t rig\t the\t necessary tackle\t for\t the\t overturning\t of\t the\t vast\t reservoir,\t and\t so\t its\t calamitous\t contents were\t discharged\t in\t a\t torrent\t upon\t the\t thirsty\t earth,\t which\t drank\t it\t up,\t and\t now there\t is\t no\t more\t danger,\t we\t reserving\t but\t a\t few\t drops\t for\t experiment\t and scrutiny,\t and\t to\t exhibit\t to\t the\t king\t and\t subsequently\t preserve\t among\t the wonders\t of\t the\t museum.\t What\t this\t liquid\t is\t has\t been\t determined.\t It\t is\t without question\tthat\tfierce\tand\tmost\tdestructive\tfluid\tcalled\tlightning.\tIt\twas\twrested,\tin its\t container,\t from\t its\t storehouse\t in\t the\t clouds,\t by\t the\t resistless\t might\t of\t the flying\tplanet,\tand\thurled\tat\tour\tfeet\tas\tshe\tsped\tby.\tAn\tinteresting\tdiscovery\there results.\t Which\t is,\t that\t lightning,\t kept\t to\t itself,\t is\t quiescent;\t it\t is\t the\t assaulting contact\tof\t the\tthunderbolt\tthat\t releases\tit\tfrom\t captivity,\tignites\tits\t awful\tfires, and\t so\t produces\t an\t instantaneous\t combustion\t and\t explosion\t which\t spread disaster\tand\tdesolation\tfar\tand\twide\tin\tthe\tearth.\\\" After\t another\t day\t devoted\t to\t rest\t and\t recovery,\t the\t expedition\t proceeded upon\t its\t way.\t Some\t days\t later\t it\t went\t into\t camp\t in\t a\t pleasant\t part\t of\t the\t plain, and\t the\t savants\t sallied\t forth\t to\t see\t what\t they\t might\t find.\t Their\t reward\t was\t at hand.\t Professor\t Bull\t Frog\t discovered\t a\t strange\t tree,\t and\t called\t his\t comrades. They\tinspected\tit\twith\tprofound\tinterest.\tIt\twas\tvery\ttall\tand\tstraight,\tand\twholly devoid\tof\tbark,\tlimbs,\tor\tfoliage.\tBy\ttriangulation\tLord\tLonglegs\tdetermined\tits altitude;\t Herr\t Spider\t measured\t its\t circumference\t at\t the\t base\t and\t computed\t the circumference\t at\t its\t top\t by\t a\t mathematical\t demonstration\t based\t upon\t the warrant\tfurnished\tby\tthe\tuniform\tdegree\tof\tits\ttaper\tupward.\tIt\twas\tconsidered\ta","very\t extraordinary\t find;\t and\t since\t it\t was\t a\t tree\t of\t hitherto\t unknown\t species, Professor\t Woodlouse\t gave\t it\t a\t name\t of\t a\t learned\t sound,\t being\t none\t other\t than that\tof\tProfessor\tBull\tFrog\ttranslated\tinto\tthe\tancient\tMastodon\tlanguage,\tfor\tit had\t always\t been\t the\t custom\t with\t discoverers\t to\t perpetuate\t their\t names\t and honor\tthemselves\tby\tthis\tsort\tof\tconnection\twith\ttheir\tdiscoveries. Now\t Professor\t Field-Mouse\t having\t placed\t his\t sensitive\t ear\t to\t the\t tree, detected\t a\t rich,\t harmonious\t sound\t issuing\t from\t it.\t This\t surprising\t thing\t was tested\t and\t enjoyed\t by\t each\t scholar\t in\t turn,\t and\t great\t was\t the\t gladness\t and astonishment\tof\tall.\tProfessor\tWoodlouse\twas\trequested\tto\tadd\tto\tand\textend\tthe tree's\t name\t so\t as\t to\t make\t it\t suggest\t the\t musical\t quality\t it\t possessed--which\t he did,\tfurnishing\tthe\taddition\tAnthem\tSinger,\tdone\tinto\tthe\tMastodon\ttongue. By\t this\t time\t Professor\t Snail\t was\t making\t some\t telescopic\t inspections.\t He discovered\t a\t great\t number\t of\t these\t trees,\t extending\t in\t a\t single\t rank,\t with\t wide intervals\t between,\t as\t far\t as\t his\t instrument\t would\t carry,\t both\t southward\t and northward.\tHe\talso\tpresently\tdiscovered\tthat\tall\tthese\ttrees\twere\tbound\ttogether, near\t their\t tops,\t by\t fourteen\t great\t ropes,\t one\t above\t another,\t which\t ropes\t were continuous,\t from\t tree\t to\t tree,\t as\t far\t as\t his\t vision\t could\t reach.\t This\t was surprising.\t Chief\t Engineer\t Spider\t ran\t aloft\t and\t soon\t reported\t that\t these\t ropes were\tsimply\ta\tweb\thung\tthere\tby\tsome\tcolossal\tmember\tof\this\town\tspecies,\tfor he\t could\t see\t its\t prey\t dangling\t here\t and\t there\t from\t the\t strands,\t in\t the\t shape\t of mighty\t shreds\t and\t rags\t that\t had\t a\t woven\t look\t about\t their\t texture\t and\t were\t no doubt\tthe\tdiscarded\tskins\tof\tprodigious\tinsects\twhich\thad\tbeen\tcaught\tand\teaten. And\t then\t he\t ran\t along\t one\t of\t the\t ropes\t to\t make\t a\t closer\t inspection,\t but\t felt\t a smart\tsudden\tburn\ton\tthe\tsoles\tof\this\tfeet,\taccompanied\tby\ta\tparalyzing\tshock, wherefore\t he\t let\t go\t and\t swung\t himself\t to\t the\t earth\t by\t a\t thread\t of\t his\t own spinning,\t and\t advised\t all\t to\t hurry\t at\t once\t to\t camp,\t lest\t the\t monster\t should appear\t and\t get\t as\t much\t interested\t in\t the\t savants\t as\t they\t were\t in\t him\t and\t his works.\tSo\tthey\tdeparted\twith\tspeed,\tmaking\tnotes\tabout\tthe\tgigantic\tweb\tas\tthey went.\tAnd\tthat\tevening\tthe\tnaturalist\tof\tthe\texpedition\tbuilt\ta\tbeautiful\tmodel\tof the\t colossal\t spider,\t having\t no\t need\t to\t see\t it\t in\t order\t to\t do\t this,\t because\t he\t had picked\tup\ta\tfragment\tof\tits\tvertebrae\tby\tthe\ttree,\tand\tso\tknew\texactly\twhat\tthe creature\t looked\t like\t and\t what\t its\t habits\t and\t its\t preferences\t were\t by\t this\t simple evidence\talone.\tHe\tbuilt\tit\twith\ta\ttail,\tteeth,\tfourteen\tlegs,\tand\ta\tsnout,\tand\tsaid it\t ate\t grass,\t cattle,\t pebbles,\t and\t dirt\t with\t equal\t enthusiasm.\t This\t animal\t was regarded\t as\t a\t very\t precious\t addition\t to\t science.\t It\t was\t hoped\t a\t dead\t one\t might be\tfound\tto\tstuff.\tProfessor\tWoodlouse\tthought\tthat\the\tand\this\tbrother\tscholars, by\t lying\t hid\t and\t being\t quiet,\t might\t maybe\t catch\t a\t live\t one.\t He\t was\t advised\t to","try\t it.\t Which\t was\t all\t the\t attention\t that\t was\t paid\t to\t his\t suggestion.\t The conference\tended\twith\tthe\tnaming\tthe\tmonster\tafter\tthe\tnaturalist,\tsince\the,\tafter God,\thad\tcreated\tit. \\\"And\t improved\t it,\t mayhap,\\\"\t muttered\t the\t Tumble-Bug,\t who\t was\t intruding again,\taccording\tto\this\tidle\tcustom\tand\this\tunappeasable\tcuriosity. PART\tSECOND\tHOW\tTHE\tANIMALS\tOF\tTHE WOOD\tCOMPLETED\tTHEIR\tSCIENTIFIC\tLABORS A\tweek\tlater\tthe\texpedition\tcamped\tin\tthe\tmidst\tof\ta\tcollection\tof\twonderful curiosities.\t These\t were\t a\t sort\t of\t vast\t caverns\t of\t stone\t that\t rose\t singly\t and\t in bunches\tout\tof\tthe\tplain\tby\tthe\tside\tof\tthe\triver\twhich\tthey\thad\tfirst\tseen\twhen they\t emerged\t from\t the\t forest.\t These\t caverns\t stood\t in\t long,\t straight\t rows\t on opposite\tsides\tof\tbroad\taisles\tthat\twere\tbordered\twith\tsingle\tranks\tof\ttrees.\tThe summit\t of\t each\t cavern\t sloped\t sharply\t both\t ways.\t Several\t horizontal\t rows\t of great\tsquare\tholes,\tobstructed\tby\ta\tthin,\tshiny,\ttransparent\tsubstance,\tpierced\tthe frontage\t of\t each\t cavern.\t Inside\t were\t caverns\t within\t caverns;\t and\t one\t might ascend\t and\t visit\t these\t minor\t compartments\t by\t means\t of\t curious\t winding\t ways consisting\t of\t continuous\t regular\t terraces\t raised\t one\t above\t another.\t There\t were many\t huge,\t shapeless\t objects\t in\t each\t compartment\t which\t were\t considered\t to have\t been\t living\t creatures\t at\t one\t time,\t though\t now\t the\t thin\t brown\t skin\t was shrunken\t and\t loose,\t and\t rattled\t when\t disturbed.\t Spiders\t were\t here\t in\t great number,\t and\t their\t cobwebs,\t stretched\t in\t all\t directions\t and\t wreathing\t the\t great skinny\tdead\ttogether,\twere\ta\tpleasant\tspectacle,\tsince\tthey\tinspired\twith\tlife\tand wholesome\tcheer\ta\tscene\twhich\twould\totherwise\thave\tbrought\tto\tthe\tmind\tonly a\tsense\tof\tforsakenness\tand\tdesolation.\tInformation\twas\tsought\tof\tthese\tspiders, but\tin\tvain.\tThey\twere\tof\ta\tdifferent\tnationality\tfrom\tthose\twith\tthe\texpedition, and\ttheir\tlanguage\tseemed\tbut\ta\tmusical,\tmeaningless\tjargon.\tThey\twere\ta\ttimid, gentle\t race,\t but\t ignorant,\t and\t heathenish\t worshipers\t of\t unknown\t gods.\t The expedition\t detailed\t a\t great\t detachment\t of\t missionaries\t to\t teach\t them\t the\t true religion,\t and\t in\t a\t week's\t time\t a\t precious\t work\t had\t been\t wrought\t among\t those darkened\tcreatures,\tnot\tthree\tfamilies\tbeing\tby\tthat\ttime\tat\tpeace\twith\teach\tother or\t having\t a\t settled\t belief\t in\t any\t system\t of\t religion\t whatever.\t This\t encouraged the\t expedition\tto\testablish\ta\tcolony\tof\tmissionaries\tthere\tpermanently,\tthat\tthe work\tof\tgrace\tmight\tgo\ton. But\t let\t us\t not\t outrun\t our\t narrative.\t After\t close\t examination\t of\t the\t fronts\t of the\t caverns,\t and\t much\t thinking\t and\t exchanging\t of\t theories,\t the\t scientists determined\tthe\tnature\tof\tthese\tsingular\tformations.\tThey\tsaid\tthat\teach\tbelonged","mainly\t to\t the\t Old\t Red\t Sandstone\t period;\t that\t the\t cavern\t fronts\t rose\t in innumerable\t and\t wonderfully\t regular\t strata\t high\t in\t the\t air,\t each\t stratum\t about five\t frog-spans\t thick,\t and\t that\t in\t the\t present\t discovery\t lay\t an\t overpowering refutation\t of\t all\t received\t geology;\t for\t between\t every\t two\t layers\t of\t Old\t Red Sandstone\t reposed\t a\t thin\t layer\t of\t decomposed\t limestone;\t so\t instead\t of\t there having\tbeen\tbut\tone\tOld\tRed\tSandstone\tperiod\tthere\thad\tcertainly\tbeen\tnot\tless than\t a\t hundred\t and\t seventy-five!\t And\t by\t the\t same\t token\t it\t was\t plain\t that\t there had\talso\tbeen\ta\thundred\tand\tseventy-five\tfloodings\tof\tthe\tearth\tand\tdepositings of\tlimestone\tstrata!\tThe\tunavoidable\tdeduction\tfrom\twhich\tpair\tof\tfacts\twas\tthe overwhelming\ttruth\tthat\tthe\tworld,\tinstead\tof\tbeing\tonly\ttwo\thundred\tthousand years\told,\twas\tolder\tby\tmillions\tupon\tmillions\tof\tyears!\tAnd\tthere\twas\tanother curious\t thing:\t every\t stratum\t of\t Old\t Red\t Sandstone\t was\t pierced\t and\t divided\t at mathematically\tregular\tintervals\tby\tvertical\tstrata\tof\tlimestone.\tUp-shootings\tof igneous\trock\tthrough\tfractures\tin\twater\tformations\twere\tcommon;\tbut\there\twas the\tfirst\tinstance\twhere\twater-formed\trock\thad\tbeen\tso\tprojected.\tIt\twas\ta\tgreat and\tnoble\tdiscovery,\tand\tits\tvalue\tto\tscience\twas\tconsidered\tto\tbe\tinestimable. A\tcritical\texamination\tof\tsome\tof\tthe\tlower\tstrata\tdemonstrated\tthe\tpresence of\tfossil\tants\tand\ttumble-bugs\t(the\tlatter\taccompanied\tby\ttheir\tpeculiar\tgoods), and\t with\t high\t gratification\t the\t fact\t was\t enrolled\t upon\t the\t scientific\t record;\t for this\twas\tproof\tthat\tthese\tvulgar\tlaborers\tbelonged\tto\tthe\tfirst\tand\tlowest\torders of\tcreated\tbeings,\tthough\tat\tthe\tsame\ttime\tthere\twas\tsomething\trepulsive\tin\tthe reflection\tthat\tthe\tperfect\tand\texquisite\tcreature\tof\tthe\tmodern\tuppermost\torder owed\t its\t origin\t to\t such\t ignominious\t beings\t through\t the\t mysterious\t law\t of Development\tof\tSpecies. The\t Tumble-Bug,\t overhearing\t this\t discussion,\t said\t he\t was\t willing\t that\t the parvenus\tof\tthese\tnew\ttimes\tshould\tfind\twhat\tcomfort\tthey\tmight\tin\ttheir\twise- drawn\ttheories,\tsince\tas\tfar\tas\the\twas\tconcerned\the\twas\tcontent\tto\tbe\tof\tthe\told first\t families\t and\t proud\t to\t point\t back\t to\t his\t place\t among\t the\t old\t original aristocracy\tof\tthe\tland. \\\"Enjoy\t your\t mushroom\t dignity,\t stinking\t of\t the\t varnish\t of\t yesterday's veneering,\t since\t you\t like\t it,\\\"\t said\t he;\t \\\"suffice\t it\t for\t the\t Tumble-Bugs\t that\t they come\t of\t a\t race\t that\t rolled\t their\t fragrant\t spheres\t down\t the\t solemn\t aisles\t of antiquity,\tand\tleft\ttheir\timperishable\twords\tembalmed\tin\tthe\tOld\tRed\tSandstone to\tproclaim\tit\tto\tthe\twasting\tcenturies\tas\tthey\tfile\talong\tthe\thighway\tof\tTime!\\\" \\\"Oh,\ttake\ta\twalk!\\\"\tsaid\tthe\tchief\tof\tthe\texpedition,\twith\tderision. The\t summer\t passed,\t and\t winter\t approached.\t In\t and\t about\t many\t of\t the caverns\t were\t what\t seemed\t to\t be\t inscriptions.\t Most\t of\t the\t scientists\t said\t they","were\t inscriptions,\t a\t few\t said\t they\t were\t not.\t The\t chief\t philologist,\t Professor Woodlouse,\t maintained\t that\t they\t were\t writings,\t done\t in\t a\t character\t utterly unknown\tto\tscholars,\tand\tin\ta\tlanguage\tequally\tunknown.\tHe\thad\tearly\tordered his\tartists\tand\tdraftsmen\tto\tmake\tfacsimiles\tof\tall\tthat\twere\tdiscovered;\tand\thad set\t himself\t about\t finding\t the\t key\t to\t the\t hidden\t tongue.\t In\t this\t work\t he\t had followed\t the\t method\t which\t had\t always\t been\t used\t by\t decipherers\t previously. That\t is\t to\t say,\t he\t placed\t a\t number\t of\t copies\t of\t inscriptions\t before\t him\t and studied\t them\t both\t collectively\t and\t in\t detail.\t To\t begin\t with,\t he\t placed\t the following\tcopies\ttogether: At\tfirst\tit\tseemed\tto\tthe\tprofessor\tthat\tthis\twas\ta\tsign-language,\tand\tthat\teach word\twas\trepresented\tby\ta\tdistinct\tsign;\tfurther\texamination\tconvinced\thim\tthat it\twas\ta\twritten\tlanguage,\tand\tthat\tevery\tletter\tof\tits\talphabet\twas\trepresented\tby a\t character\t of\t its\t own;\t and\t finally\t he\t decided\t that\t it\t was\t a\t language\t which conveyed\t itself\t partly\t by\t letters,\t and\t partly\t by\t signs\t or\t hieroglyphics.\t This conclusion\t was\t forced\t upon\t him\t by\t the\t discovery\t of\t several\t specimens\t of\t the following\tnature: He\tobserved\tthat\tcertain\tinscriptions\twere\tmet\twith\tin\tgreater\tfrequency\tthan others.\tSuch\tas\t\\\"FOR\tSALE\tCHEAP\\\";\t\\\"BILLIARDS\\\";\t\\\"S.\tT.--1860--X\\\";\t\\\"KENO\\\";\t\\\"ALE ON\tDRAUGHT.\\\"\tNaturally,\tthen,\tthese\tmust\tbe\treligious\tmaxims.\tBut\tthis\tidea\twas cast\taside\tby\tand\tby,\tas\tthe\tmystery\tof\tthe\tstrange\talphabet\tbegan\tto\tclear\titself. In\t time,\t the\t professor\t was\t enabled\t to\t translate\t several\t of\t the\t inscriptions\t with considerable\tplausibility,\tthough\tnot\tto\tthe\tperfect\tsatisfaction\tof\tall\tthe\tscholars. Still,\the\tmade\tconstant\tand\tencouraging\tprogress. Finally\ta\tcavern\twas\tdiscovered\twith\tthese\tinscriptions\tupon\tit: WATERSIDE\tMUSEUM OPEN\tAT\tALL\tHOURS--ADMISSION\t50\tCENTS WONDERFUL\tCOLLECTIONS\tOF","WAX-WORKS,\tANCIENT\tFOSSILS,\tETC. Professor\tWoodlouse\taffirmed\tthat\tthe\tword\t\\\"Museum\\\"\twas\tequivalent\tto\tthe phrase\t \\\"lumgath\t molo,\\\"\t or\t \\\"Burial\t Place.\\\"\t Upon\t entering,\t the\t scientists\t were well\t astonished.\t But\t what\t they\t saw\t may\t be\t best\t conveyed\t in\t the\t language\t of their\town\tofficial\treport: \\\"Erect,\tin\ta\trow,\twere\ta\tsort\tof\trigid\tgreat\tfigures\twhich\tstruck\tus\tinstantly\tas belonging\t to\t the\t long\t extinct\t species\t of\t reptile\t called\t MAN,\t described\t in\t our ancient\trecords.\tThis\twas\ta\tpeculiarly\tgratifying\tdiscovery,\tbecause\tof\tlate\ttimes it\thas\tbecome\tfashionable\tto\tregard\tthis\tcreature\tas\ta\tmyth\tand\ta\tsuperstition,\ta work\t of\t the\t inventive\t imaginations\t of\t our\t remote\t ancestors.\t But\t here,\t indeed, was\tMan,\tperfectly\tpreserved,\tin\ta\tfossil\tstate.\tAnd\tthis\twas\this\tburial\tplace,\tas already\tascertained\tby\tthe\tinscription.\tAnd\tnow\tit\tbegan\tto\tbe\tsuspected\tthat\tthe caverns\twe\thad\tbeen\tinspecting\thad\tbeen\this\tancient\thaunts\tin\tthat\told\ttime\tthat he\t roamed\t the\t earth--for\t upon\t the\t breast\t of\t each\t of\t these\t tall\t fossils\t was\t an inscription\t in\t the\t character\t heretofore\t noticed.\t One\t read,\t 'CAPTAIN\t KIDD\t THE PIRATE';\t another,\t 'QUEEN\t VICTORIA';\t another,\t 'ABE\t LINCOLN';\t another,\t 'GEORGE WASHINGTON,'\tetc. \\\"With\tfeverish\tinterest\twe\tcalled\tfor\tour\tancient\tscientific\trecords\tto\tdiscover if\t perchance\t the\t description\t of\t Man\t there\t set\t down\t would\t tally\t with\t the\t fossils before\t us.\t Professor\t Woodlouse\t read\t it\t aloud\t in\t its\t quaint\t and\t musty phraseology,\tto\twit: \\\"'In\tye\ttime\tof\tour\tfathers\tMan\tstill\twalked\tye\tearth,\tas\tby\ttradition\twe\tknow. It\t was\t a\t creature\t of\t exceeding\t great\t size,\t being\t compassed\t about\t with\t a\t loose skin,\tsometimes\tof\tone\tcolor,\tsometimes\tof\tmany,\tthe\twhich\tit\twas\table\tto\tcast\tat will;\t which\t being\t done,\t the\t hind\t legs\t were\t discovered\t to\t be\t armed\t with\t short claws\t like\t to\t a\t mole's\t but\t broader,\t and\t ye\t forelegs\t with\t fingers\t of\t a\t curious slimness\tand\ta\tlength\tmuch\tmore\tprodigious\tthan\ta\tfrog's,\tarmed\talso\twith\tbroad talons\t for\t scratching\t in\t ye\t earth\t for\t its\t food.\t It\t had\t a\t sort\t of\t feathers\t upon\t its head\tsuch\tas\thath\ta\trat,\tbut\tlonger,\tand\ta\tbeak\tsuitable\tfor\tseeking\tits\tfood\tby\tye smell\tthereof.\tWhen\tit\twas\tstirred\twith\thappiness,\tit\tleaked\twater\tfrom\tits\teyes; and\twhen\tit\tsuffered\tor\twas\tsad,\tit\tmanifested\tit\twith\ta\thorrible\thellish\tcackling clamor\tthat\twas\texceeding\tdreadful\tto\thear\tand\tmade\tone\tlong\tthat\tit\tmight\trend itself\tand\tperish,\tand\tso\tend\tits\ttroubles.\tTwo\tMans\tbeing\ttogether,\tthey\tuttered noises\t at\t each\t other\t like\t this:\t \\\"Haw-haw-haw--dam\t good,\t dam\t good,\\\"\t together with\t other\t sounds\t of\t more\t or\t less\t likeness\t to\t these,\t wherefore\t ye\t poets conceived\t that\t they\t talked,\t but\t poets\t be\t always\t ready\t to\t catch\t at\t any\t frantic","folly,\t God\t he\t knows.\t Sometimes\t this\t creature\t goeth\t about\t with\t a\t long\t stick\t ye which\t it\t putteth\t to\t its\t face\t and\t bloweth\t fire\t and\t smoke\t through\t ye\t same\t with\t a sudden\tand\tmost\tdamnable\tbruit\tand\tnoise\tthat\tdoth\tfright\tits\tprey\tto\tdeath,\tand so\t seizeth\t it\t in\t its\t talons\t and\t walked\t away\t to\t its\t habitat,\t consumed\t with\t a\t most fierce\tand\tdevlish\tjoy.' \\\"Now\t was\t the\t description\t set\t forth\t by\t our\t ancestors\t wonderfully\t indorsed and\t confirmed\t by\t the\t fossils\t before\t us,\t as\t shall\t be\t seen.\t The\t specimen\t marked 'Captain\t Kidd'\t was\t examined\t in\t detail.\t Upon\t its\t head\t and\t part\t of\t its\t face\t was\t a sort\t of\t fur\t like\t that\t upon\t the\t tail\t of\t a\t horse.\t With\t great\t labor\t its\t loose\t skin\t was removed,\t whereupon\t its\t body\t was\t discovered\t to\t be\t of\t a\t polished\t white\t texture, thoroughly\t petrified.\t The\t straw\t it\t had\t eaten,\t so\t many\t ages\t gone\t by,\t was\t still\t in its\tbody,\tundigested--and\teven\tin\tits\tlegs. \\\"Surrounding\t these\t fossils\t were\t objects\t that\t would\t mean\t nothing\t to\t the ignorant,\t but\t to\t the\t eye\t of\t science\t they\t were\t a\t revelation.\t They\t laid\t bare\t the secrets\tof\tdead\tages.\tThese\tmusty\tMemorials\ttold\tus\twhen\tMan\tlived,\tand\twhat were\this\thabits.\tFor\there,\tside\tby\tside\twith\tMan,\twere\tthe\tevidences\tthat\the\thad lived\tin\tthe\t earliest\tages\tof\t creation,\tthe\tcompanion\tof\tthe\tother\tlow\torders\tof life\tthat\tbelonged\tto\tthat\tforgotten\ttime.\tHere\twas\tthe\tfossil\tnautilus\tthat\tsailed the\tprimeval\tseas;\there\twas\tthe\tskeleton\tof\tthe\tmastodon,\tthe\tichthyosaurus,\tthe cave-bear,\t the\t prodigious\t elk.\t Here,\t also,\t were\t the\t charred\t bones\t of\t some\t of these\t extinct\t animals\t and\t of\t the\t young\t of\t Man's\t own\t species,\t split\t lengthwise, showing\t that\t to\t his\t taste\t the\t marrow\t was\t a\t toothsome\t luxury.\t It\t was\t plain\t that Man\t had\t robbed\t those\t bones\t of\t their\t contents,\t since\t no\t toothmark\t of\t any\t beast was\tupon\tthem--albeit\tthe\tTumble-Bug\tintruded\tthe\tremark\tthat\t'no\tbeast\tcould mark\t a\t bone\t with\t its\t teeth,\t anyway.'\t Here\t were\t proofs\t that\t Man\t had\t vague, groveling\t notions\t of\t art;\t for\t this\t fact\t was\t conveyed\t by\t certain\t things\t marked with\t the\t untranslatable\t words,\t 'FLINT\t HATCHETS,\t KNIVES,\t ARROW-HEADS,\t AND BONE\tORNAMENTS\tOF\tPRIMEVAL\tMAN.'\tSome\tof\tthese\tseemed\tto\tbe\trude\tweapons chipped\t out\t of\t flint,\t and\t in\t a\t secret\t place\t was\t found\t some\t more\t in\t process\t of construction,\twith\tthis\tuntranslatable\tlegend,\ton\ta\tthin,\tflimsy\tmaterial,\tlying\tby: \\\"'Jones,\tif\tyou\tdon't\twant\tto\tbe\tdischarged\tfrom\tthe\tMusseum,\tmake\tthe\tnext primeaveal\tweppons\tmore\tcareful--you\tcouldn't\teven\tfool\tone\tof\tthese\tsleapy\told syentiffic\tgrannys\tfrom\tthe\tColedge\twith\tthe\tlast\tones.\tAnd\tmind\tyou\tthe\tanimles you\t carved\t on\t some\t of\t the\t Bone\t Ornaments\t is\t a\t blame\t sight\t too\t good\t for\t any primeaveal\tman\tthat\twas\tever\tfooled.--Varnum,\tManager.' \\\"Back\tof\tthe\tburial\tplace\twas\ta\tmass\tof\tashes,\tshowing\tthat\tMan\talways\thad a\tfeast\tat\ta\tfuneral--else\twhy\tthe\tashes\tin\tsuch\ta\tplace;\tand\tshowing,\talso,\tthat\the","believed\t in\t God\t and\t the\t immortality\t of\t the\t soul--else\t why\t these\t solemn ceremonies? \\\"To\t sum\t up.\t We\t believe\t that\t Man\t had\t a\t written\t language.\t We\t know\t that\t he indeed\texisted\tat\tone\ttime,\tand\tis\tnot\ta\tmyth;\talso,\tthat\the\twas\tthe\tcompanion\tof the\t cave-bear,\t the\t mastodon,\t and\t other\t extinct\t species;\t that\t he\t cooked\t and\t ate them\t and\t likewise\t the\t young\t of\t his\t own\t kind;\t also,\t that\t he\t bore\t rude\t weapons, and\t knew\t nothing\t of\t art;\t that\t he\t imagined\t he\t had\t a\t soul,\t and\t pleased\t himself with\tthe\tfancy\tthat\tit\twas\timmortal.\tBut\tlet\tus\tnot\tlaugh;\tthere\tmay\tbe\tcreatures in\t existence\t to\t whom\t we\t and\t our\t vanities\t and\t profundities\t may\t seem\t as ludicrous.\\\"","PART\tTHIRD Near\t the\t margin\t of\t the\t great\t river\t the\t scientists\t presently\t found\t a\t huge, shapely\tstone,\twith\tthis\tinscription: \\\"In\t1847,\tin\tthe\tspring,\tthe\triver\toverflowed\tits\tbanks\tand\tcovered\tthe\twhole township.\tThe\tdepth\twas\tfrom\ttwo\tto\tsix\tfeet.\tMore\tthan\t900\thead\tof\tcattle\twere lost,\tand\tmany\thomes\tdestroyed.\tThe\tMayor\tordered\tthis\tmemorial\tto\tbe\terected to\tperpetuate\tthe\tevent.\tGod\tspare\tus\tthe\trepetition\tof\tit!\\\" With\tinfinite\ttrouble,\tProfessor\tWoodlouse\tsucceeded\tin\tmaking\ta\ttranslation of\t this\t inscription,\t which\t was\t sent\t home,\t and\t straightway\t an\t enormous excitement\t was\t created\t about\t it.\t It\t confirmed,\t in\t a\t remarkable\t way,\t certain treasured\ttraditions\tof\tthe\tancients.\tThe\ttranslation\twas\tslightly\tmarred\tby\tone\tor two\t untranslatable\t words,\t but\t these\t did\t not\t impair\t the\t general\t clearness\t of\t the meaning.\tIt\tis\there\tpresented: \\\"One\t thousand\t eight\t hundred\t and\t forty-seven\t years\t ago,\t the\t (fires?) descended\t and\t consumed\t the\t whole\t city.\t Only\t some\t nine\t hundred\t souls\t were saved,\tall\tothers\tdestroyed.\tThe\t(king?)\tcommanded\tthis\tstone\tto\tbe\tset\tup\tto\t.\t.\t. (untranslatable)\t.\t.\t.\trepetition\tof\tit.\\\" This\twas\tthe\tfirst\tsuccessful\tand\tsatisfactory\ttranslation\tthat\thad\tbeen\tmade of\tthe\tmysterious\tcharacter\tleft\tbehind\thim\tby\textinct\tman,\tand\tit\tgave\tProfessor Woodlouse\tsuch\treputation\tthat\tat\tonce\tevery\tseat\tof\tlearning\tin\this\tnative\tland conferred\t a\t degree\t of\t the\t most\t illustrious\t grade\t upon\t him,\t and\t it\t was\t believed that\t if\t he\t had\t been\t a\t soldier\t and\t had\t turned\t his\t splendid\t talents\t to\t the extermination\t of\t a\t remote\t tribe\t of\t reptiles,\t the\t king\t would\t have\t ennobled\t him and\t made\t him\t rich.\t And\t this,\t too,\t was\t the\t origin\t of\t that\t school\t of\t scientists called\tManologists,\twhose\tspecialty\tis\tthe\tdeciphering\tof\tthe\tancient\trecords\tof the\textinct\tbird\ttermed\tMan.\t[For\tit\tis\tnow\tdecided\tthat\tMan\twas\ta\tbird\tand\tnot a\treptile.]\tBut\tProfessor\tWoodlouse\tbegan\tand\tremained\tchief\tof\tthese,\tfor\tit\twas granted\t that\t no\t translations\t were\t ever\t so\t free\t from\t error\t as\t his.\t Others\t made mistakes--he\t seemed\t incapable\t of\t it.\t Many\t a\t memorial\t of\t the\t lost\t race\t was afterward\t found,\t but\t none\t ever\t attained\t to\t the\t renown\t and\t veneration\t achieved by\t the\t \\\"Mayoritish\t Stone\\\"--it\t being\t so\t called\t from\t the\t word\t \\\"Mayor\\\"\t in\t it, which,\t being\t translated\t \\\"King,\\\"\t \\\"Mayoritish\t Stone\\\"\t was\t but\t another\t way\t of saying\t\\\"King\tStone.\\\"","Another\ttime\tthe\texpedition\tmade\ta\tgreat\t\\\"find.\\\"\tIt\twas\ta\tvast\tround\tflattish mass,\tten\tfrog-spans\tin\tdiameter\tand\tfive\tor\tsix\thigh.\tProfessor\tSnail\tput\ton\this spectacles\t and\t examined\t it\t all\t around,\t and\t then\t climbed\t up\t and\t inspected\t the top.\tHe\tsaid: \\\"The\t result\t of\t my\t perlustration\t and\t perscontation\t of\t this\t isoperimetrical protuberance\t is\t a\t belief\t that\t it\t is\t one\t of\t those\t rare\t and\t wonderful\t creations\t left by\t the\t Mound\t Builders.\t The\t fact\t that\t this\t one\t is\t lamel-libranchiate\t in\t its formation,\t simply\t adds\t to\t its\t interest\t as\t being\t possibly\t of\t a\t different\t kind\t from any\t we\t read\t of\t in\t the\t records\t of\t science,\t but\t yet\t in\t no\t manner\t marring\t its authenticity.\t Let\t the\t megalophonous\t grasshopper\t sound\t a\t blast\t and\t summon hither\t the\t perfunctory\t and\t circumforaneous\t Tumble-Bug,\t to\t the\t end\t that excavations\tmay\tbe\tmade\tand\tlearning\tgather\tnew\ttreasures.\\\" Not\ta\tTumble-Bug\tcould\tbe\tfound\ton\tduty,\tso\tthe\tMound\twas\texcavated\tby\ta working\tparty\tof\tAnts.\tNothing\t was\t discovered.\tThis\twould\thave\tbeen\ta\t great disappointment,\thad\tnot\tthe\tvenerable\tLonglegs\texplained\tthe\tmatter.\tHe\tsaid: \\\"It\t is\t now\t plain\t to\t me\t that\t the\t mysterious\t and\t forgotten\t race\t of\t Mound Builders\tdid\tnot\talways\terect\tthese\tedifices\tas\tmausoleums,\telse\tin\tthis\tcase,\tas in\t all\t previous\t cases,\t their\t skeletons\t would\t be\t found\t here,\t along\t with\t the\t rude implements\twhich\tthe\tcreatures\tused\tin\tlife.\tIs\tnot\tthis\tmanifest?\\\" \\\"True!\ttrue!\\\"\tfrom\teverybody. \\\"Then\t we\t have\t made\t a\t discovery\t of\t peculiar\t value\t here;\t a\t discovery\t which greatly\t extends\t our\t knowledge\t of\t this\t creature\t in\t place\t of\t diminishing\t it;\t a discovery\t which\t will\t add\t luster\t to\t the\t achievements\t of\t this\t expedition\t and\t win for\t us\t the\t commendations\t of\t scholars\t everywhere.\t For\t the\t absence\t of\t the customary\trelics\there\tmeans\tnothing\tless\tthan\tthis:\tThe\tMound\tBuilder,\tinstead of\tbeing\tthe\tignorant,\tsavage\treptile\twe\thave\tbeen\ttaught\tto\tconsider\thim,\twas\ta creature\t of\t cultivation\t and\t high\t intelligence,\t capable\t of\t not\t only\t appreciating worthy\t achievements\t of\t the\t great\t and\t noble\t of\t his\t species,\t but\t of commemorating\tthem!\tFellow-scholars,\tthis\tstately\tMound\tis\tnot\ta\tsepulcher,\tit is\ta\tmonument!\\\" A\tprofound\timpression\twas\tproduced\tby\tthis. But\t it\t was\t interrupted\t by\t rude\t and\t derisive\t laughter--and\t the\t Tumble-Bug appeared. \\\"A\tmonument!\\\"\tquoth\the.\t\\\"A\tmonument\tset\tup\tby\ta\tMound\tBuilder!\tAye,\tso it\tis!\tSo\tit\tis,\tindeed,\tto\tthe\tshrewd\tkeen\teye\tof\tscience;\tbut\tto\tan\tignorant\tpoor devil\twho\thas\tnever\tseen\ta\tcollege,\tit\tis\tnot\ta\tMonument,\tstrictly\tspeaking,\tbut\tis yet\t a\t most\t rich\t and\t noble\t property;\t and\t with\t your\t worship's\t good\t permission\t I","will\tproceed\tto\tmanufacture\tit\tinto\tspheres\tof\texceedings\tgrace\tand--\\\" The\t Tumble-Bug\t was\t driven\t away\t with\t stripes,\t and\t the\t draftsmen\t of\t the expedition\t were\t set\t to\t making\t views\t of\t the\t Monument\t from\t different standpoints,\t while\t Professor\t Woodlouse,\t in\t a\t frenzy\t of\t scientific\t zeal,\t traveled all\t over\t it\t and\t all\t around\t it\t hoping\t to\t find\t an\t inscription.\t But\t if\t there\t had\t ever been\tone,\tit\thad\tdecayed\tor\tbeen\tremoved\tby\tsome\tvandal\tas\ta\trelic. The\t views\t having\t been\t completed,\t it\t was\t now\t considered\t safe\t to\t load\t the precious\t Monument\t itself\t upon\t the\t backs\t of\t four\t of\t the\t largest\t Tortoises\t and send\tit\thome\tto\tthe\tking's\tmuseum,\twhich\twas\tdone;\tand\twhen\tit\tarrived\tit\twas received\t with\t enormous\t eclat\t and\t escorted\t to\t its\t future\t abiding-place\t by thousands\t of\t enthusiastic\t citizens,\t King\t Bullfrog\t XVI\t himself\t attending\t and condescending\tto\tsit\tenthroned\tupon\tit\tthroughout\tthe\tprogress. The\t growing\t rigor\t of\t the\t weather\t was\t now\t admonishing\t the\t scientists\t to close\t their\t labors\t for\t the\t present,\t so\t they\t made\t preparations\t to\t journey homeward.\tBut\teven\ttheir\tlast\tday\tamong\tthe\tCaverns\tbore\tfruit;\tfor\tone\tof\tthe scholars\t found\t in\t an\t out-of-the-way\t corner\t of\t the\t Museum\t or\t \\\"Burial\t Place\\\"\t a most\t strange\t and\t extraordinary\t thing.\t It\t was\t nothing\t less\t than\t a\t double\t Man- Bird\tlashed\ttogether\tbreast\tto\tbreast\tby\ta\tnatural\tligament,\tand\tlabeled\twith\tthe untranslatable\twords,\t\\\"Siamese\tTwins.\\\"\tThe\tofficial\treport\tconcerning\tthis\tthing closed\tthus: \\\"Wherefore\tit\tappears\tthat\tthere\twere\tin\told\ttimes\ttwo\tdistinct\tspecies\tof\tthis majestic\tfowl,\tthe\tone\tbeing\tsingle\tand\tthe\tother\tdouble.\tNature\thas\ta\treason\tfor all\t things.\t It\t is\t plain\t to\t the\t eye\t of\t science\t that\t the\t Double-Man\t originally inhabited\ta\tregion\twhere\tdangers\tabounded;\thence\the\twas\tpaired\ttogether\tto\tthe end\t that\t while\t one\t part\t slept\t the\t other\t might\t watch;\t and\t likewise\t that,\t danger being\t discovered,\t there\t might\t always\t be\t a\t double\t instead\t of\t a\t single\t power\t to oppose\tit.\tAll\thonor\tto\tthe\tmystery-dispelling\teye\tof\tgodlike\tScience!\\\" And\t near\t the\t Double\t Man-Bird\t was\t found\t what\t was\t plainly\t an\t ancient record\t of\t his,\t marked\t upon\t numberless\t sheets\t of\t a\t thin\t white\t substance\t and bound\t together.\t Almost\t the\t first\t glance\t that\t Professor\t Woodlouse\t threw\t into\t it revealed\t this\t following\t sentence,\t which\t he\t instantly\t translated\t and\t laid\t before the\t scientists,\t in\t a\t tremble,\t and\t it\t uplifted\t every\t soul\t there\t with\t exultation\t and astonishment: \\\"In\t truth\t it\t is\t believed\t by\t many\t that\t the\t lower\t animals\t reason\t and\t talk together.\\\" When\tthe\tgreat\tofficial\treport\tof\tthe\texpedition\tappeared,\tthe\tabove\tsentence bore\tthis\tcomment:"]
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