["Chapter\t39 The\t toughest\t part\t (for\t me)\t is\t being\t taken\t around,\t introduced.\t The manager\t walks\t me\t through\t the\t premises\t and\t has\t me\t meet\t the\t employees: about\t a\t dozen\t or\t so.\t Sheer\t torture.\t Shock\t to\t my\t system.\t Not\t saying\t that\t the peeps\t weren\u2019t\t all\t right,\t it\u2019s\t having\t to\t meet\t so\t many\t at\t once\t that\t got\t to\t me. Very\tuncomfortable. Jesse-Butch\tLipworth\tspeaks\twith\ta\theavy\tSouthern\tdrawl.\tAppears\tto\tbe\tan okay\tgent,\tjust\tas\tthe\towner\tstruck\tme\tas\ta\tgood\tguy,\tlikable.\tRutley,\tthe\tguy am\tleft\tto\twork\twith\ton\tthe\tencoder,\ta\tmachine\tthat\tprints\tpayroll\tchecks,\tis\tin his\tmid\tor\tlate-50s.\tWhite\tdude.\tBald\t(with\ta\tshaved\thead).\tThe\tman\tis\ta\tgood instructor\tand\tI\tliked\tworking\twith\thim;\tthe\tmachine,\thowever,\twas\ta\tdifferent story\t (in\t that\t it\t was\t a\t real\t challenge\t to\t keep\t running\t smoothly,\t even\t for\t a seasoned\tpro\tlike\tRutley). The\t encoder\t consisted\t of\t three\t separate\t parts\t that\t you\t had\t to\t keep\t in\t sync. There\t was\t the\t encoder\t itself,\t which\t was\t more\t than\t enough\t trouble,\t then\t you had\tthe\troller\tin\tback,\tand\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tthe\tmachine\/roller\tin\tfront:\tthe\tfeeder. The\tchecks\tare\ton\ta\troll\t(about\ttwo\tfeet\twide,\tgive\tor\ttake)\tthat\tweighs\twell over\t a\t hundred\t pounds\t (and\t is\t in\t back\t of\t the\t encoder).\t And\t these\t checks\t are perforated\u2014and\t say,\t there\t is\t not\t enough\t slack\/too\t much\t tension\t from\t the feeder\tto\tthe\tencoder\u2014and\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\ta\ttear\tproblem.\tNow\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tstop everything\t and\t splice\t it\t all\t together,\t plus\t adjust\t the\t digits\t that\t were\t forfeited due\tto\tthe\ttear,\tas\tthe\tnumbers\tmust\tstay\tand\trun\tin\tsequence. And\tsay,\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tthese\ttwo\tmachines\trunning\tsmoothly,\tnow\tyou\u2019ve\tgot the\ttake-up\troller\tat\tthe\tend\tto\tworry\tabout,\tin\tthat\tit\tdoes\tnot\talways\ttake\tup evenly\tand\twill\teasily\toverlap:\teither\tto\tthe\tleft\tor\tto\tthe\tright. Front\tend\twould\ttear\tand\tRutley\twould\tfix\tit,\tget\tit\tgoing,\tand\tthen\tthe\tback end\t would\t tear\u2014and\t he\u2019d\t fix\t that,\t and\t then\t the\t red\t tape\t would\t run\t off\t the mark.\tSo\tnow\tinstead\tof\tprinting\tsix\tdigits\ton\tthe\tchecks,\tyou\u2019re\tprinting\tonly five.\tNo\tgood.\tYou\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tstop\tthe\twhole\toperation,\tsearch\tfor\tthe\texact\ttime","it\t went\t askew,\t tear\t the\t defective\t paychecks\t off,\t splice\/reset\t the\t black\t digits, reset\tthe\tred. I\twatched\thim\thandle\tit,\tbetween\tsips\tfrom\ta\thuge\tbottle\tof\tMountain\tDew. Had\tit\tunder\tcontrol.\tSort\tof.\tIt\twas\tdaunting.\tDid\tI\tget\tin\tover\tmy\thead?\tHow was\tI\tgoing\tto\tmaster\tthis\tprinting\tmachine\tand\tstay\thired? \t Evidently\t today\t is\t Rutley\u2019s\t birthday.\t On\t or\t about\t 10\t a.m.\t his\t wife\t showed with\t pizza\t and\t cake.\t Invite\t had\t been\t extended\t to\t me\t to\t join\t the\t group\t in\t the break\troom.\tSince\tI\twas\tnew\tand\tdid\tnot\treally\tknow\tanyone\tthere\tand\tfelt\tout of\tplace,\tI\tchose\tto\tpass. At\t lunch\t time,\t I\t found\t a\t spot\t to\t sit\t outside\t the\t rear\t exit\t door\t and\t ate\t my peanut\t butter\t sandwich\t and\t wondered\t if\t I\t would\t make\t it.\t Last\t how\t long? There\t was\t another\t guy\t sitting\t nearby.\t Gray-haired.\t Front\t teeth\t missing.\t He was\tin\this\t40s,\tsmoking\ta\tcigarette.\tHe\u2019d\tbeen\tat\tthe\tcompany\tthree\tweeks.\tIn binding.\tWe\tdidn\u2019t\tsay\tmuch. The\tencoder\thad\tme\tworried.\tWas\tI\teven\tcut\tout\tto\tlearn\tthe\tprinting\ttrade at\tthis\tstage?\tThis\twas\tthe\ttype\tof\twork\tone\tneeded\tto\tget\tinto\tat\ta\tyoung\tage. Most\t of\t these\t guys\t had\t learned\t printing\t while\t in\t the\t joint.\t Spent\t years\t at\t it. Me?\t I\t didn\u2019t\t know\t a\t damn\t thing\t about\t printing\t presses,\t unlike\t Rutley,\t who used\tto\tteach\tprinting.\tI\twent\tback\tin.\tTurns\tout\tRutley\thad\tworked\tin\tthe\tfield for\tdecades. \u201cRetired\tfive\tyears\tago,\u201d\tsaid\tRutley.\t\u201cThen\tmy\twife\tand\tI\tbought\tforty\tacres up\t in\t Snowflake.\t Plan\t was\t to\t live\t in\t a\t trailer,\t but\t then\t my\t wife\t decided\t she wanted\tto\thave\ta\thouse\tbuilt\ton\tthe\tland,\tso\tI\treturned\tto\twork.\u201d Tells\tme\the\tcould\tlive\toff\this\tretirement. \t We\t printed\t checks,\t lots\t of\t them.\t One\t $1,200\t order,\t I\t noticed,\t was\t for\t the Tohono\tO\u2019Odham\tNation. It\u2019s\t involved\t work.\t Rutley\t expects\t me\t to\t be\t able\t to\t run\t the\t machine\t by Friday.\t I\u2019ll\t try.\t Keep\t my\t eyes\t open.\t The\t last\t guy\t lasted\t five\t months\t before\t he got\tfired.\tHe\tkept\tscrewing\tup\tthe\tdigits\tacross\tthe\tbottom\tof\tthe\tchecks\t(that the\tencoder\tprints).\tThe\tunlucky\tdude\tkept\ttransposing\tthe\t\u201con-us\u201d\tmark\twith the\tother\tmark.","Chapter\t40 Second\t day.\t More\t of\t the\t same.\t Only\t difference:\t Rutley\t let\t me\t set\t up\t the machine\t by\t myself\t (with\t some\t help\t from\t him).\t Trying\t to\t do\t my\t best.\t Would like\tto\tstay\ton\tif\tthey\u2019ll\thave\tme.\tWe\u2019ll\tsee.\tIt\tall\tdepends\ton\tmy\tnot\tscrewing up.\tYou\tbotch\ta\tprinting\tjob\tand\tit\tcosts\tthe\tcompany\tlots\tof\tmoney\tand\tyou\u2019re out,\tpal.\tSo\tget\tthis. I\t step\t out\t of\t the\t house.\t Got\t my\t lunch\t in\t the\t pack:\t peanut\t butter\t sandwich and\t banana.\t Got\t my\t small\t container\t of\t (tap)\t water.\t I\t look\t up\t at\t the\t sky. Appears\t overcast,\t but\t okay.\t Didn\u2019t\t check\t with\t weather\t on\t tv,\t so\t am\t not\t sure what\tto\texpect\u2014and\teven\tif\tit\trains,\teven\tif\tI\tget\tcaught\tin\tit\tI\tgot\tno\tchoice\tbut to\tget\tout\tthere.\tI\tcheck\tthe\tdog\u2019s\tdish.\tRinse\tit\tout,\tand\tfill\tit\twith\tclean\twater. She\tgives\tme\tthat\tlook,\tthat\tLOOK\tthat\tsays:\tTake\tme\tfor\ta\twalk.\tGet\tme\tout\tof the\tyard. How\t can\t I?\t She\t doesn\u2019t\t get\t that\t I\u2019ve\t got\t a\t job\t to\t get\t to.\t I\t wheel\t the\t bike through\t the\t broken\t down\t wooden\t gate\t (hanging\t by\t a\t single\t hinge),\t close\t the gate\t after\t me.\t The\t dog\t goes\t on\t a\t barking\t tear,\t as\t always.\t Whether\t you\u2019re coming\tor\tgoing\u2014she\thas\tto\tbark. I\thop\ton\tthe\tbike.\tRide\tit\ton\tdown\tto\tCountry\tClub,\ttake\tit\tsouth.\tI\tride\tit\tthe five\t or\t six\t miles\t to\t Aviation,\t where\t it\t dead-ends.\t I\t cross\t Aviation,\t make\t it through\tthe\topening\tthere\tin\tthe\tfence,\tride\tthe\tbike\ton\tthe\tdirt\troad\talong\tthe railroad\ttracks.\tI\tcarry\tthe\tbike\tacross\t8\tor\t10\ttracks\tto\tthe\tpaved\troad\ton\tthe other\tside\tand\tI\tride\tthe\trest\tof\tthe\tway\ton\tDodge. I\t reach\t the\t warehouse\t at\t 12\t to\t 8.\t Chain\t the\t bike\t to\t a\t tree\t outside,\t go\t in.\t I clock\tin,\tdrop\tmy\torange\tpack\tat\tone\tof\tthe\twork\ttables.\tI\tsay\tgood-morning\tto Rutley\t and\t the\t day\t begins.\t We\t print\t the\t numbers\t that\t you\t see\t across\t the bottom\tof\tyour\tcheck,\tas\twell\tas\tthe\tnumbers\tin\tthe\tright-hand\tcorner\tthat\tare in\tred.\tThese\tare\tmostly\tpayroll\tchecks\tand\treceipts.","At\t lunch\t time\t I\t take\t my\t thirty-minutes\t to\t eat\t my\t peanut\t butter\t sandwich outside\t in\t back\t by\t a\t huge\t dumpster;\t chase\t it\t down\t with\t water.\t I\t eat\t the banana.\tIt\u2019s\ta\thot\tmother\tout.\tFeels\tlike\tit\u2019s\tway\tabove\tninety.\tReturn\tto\twork. Our\t day\t is\t over\t at\t 15\t of\t 5.\t I\t hear\t someone\t say\t it\u2019s\t raining\t outside.\t After\t I have\tclocked\tout\tI\ttake\tthe\tgarbage\tbag\tI\thad\tbrought\twith,\ttear\ta\thole\tat\tone end\tto\tstick\tmy\thead\tthrough\tand\twear\tthe\tblack\tgarbage\tbag\tthis\tway\t(like\ta sleeveless\tvest)\u2014but\tit\tdoes\tme\tabsolutely\tno\tgood. I\t get\t maybe\t a\t hundred\t feet\t before\t I\t am\t soaking\twet.\t Am\t one\t soaking\t wet pigeon.\t There\t is\t water\t in\t my\t sneakers.\t My\t underwear\t is\t wet,\t my\t walking shorts.\tMy\tupper\tbody\tis\trelatively\tdry,\twith\tthe\texception\tof\tmy\thead,\tbut\tam not\tso\tconcerned\twith\tmy\tshirt.\tNothing\tI\tcan\tdo\tbut\tpedal\ton.\tI\ttake\tthe\tsame route\t back:\t carry\t the\t bike\t over\t the\t railroad\t tracks,\t keep\t a\t sharp\t eye\t out\t for traffic\ton\tAviation,\trun\tacross,\tlugging\tthe\tbike\tacross\teight\tlanes.\tWhen\tI\thave reached\tthe\tother\tside\tI\tam\tback\tin\tthe\tsaddle\tand\tride\tit\tin\tthe\train. I\t pedal\twest,\tdown\ttoward\tCountry\tClub,\tthe\train\tpounding\tthe\ttop\t of\tmy skull\tand\tface.\tI\tlook\tup\tthrough\tsquinting\teyes\tand\tsee\tsomeone\telse,\tanother poor\t bastard\t on\t a\t bike\t pedaling\t my\t way,\t only\t this\t guy\t has\t no\t shirt\t on,\t is wearing\tsunglasses\tand\ta\tbaseball\tcap.\tIn\tshorts.\tWe\texchange\tgreetings\tas\twe pass\t one\t another:\tcouple\tof\tlost\tfools\t in\tthe\t rain.\t Mind\tyou,\t even\tthough\tit\u2019s raining\tand\training\thard,\tit\tis\thot,\tthe\tair\tis\thot. When\t I\t reach\t Country\t Club\t I\t take\t it\t north,\t riding\t through\t puddles,\t slosh through\tpuddles\tand\twater.\tLots\tof\twater\tshoots\tup\tfrom\tmy\tfront\twheel\tand hits\t me\t in\t the\t face:\t water\t and\t dirt\t and\t gravel.\t Nothing\t to\t do.\t I\t ride\t in\t this storm\t for\t approximately\t three\t miles\t and\t it\t stops.\t No\t more\t rain.\t It\u2019s\t overcast, but\tit\thas\tstopped\training.\tGreat.\tI\u2019ll\ttake\tit. \t I\t reach\t Speedway,\t head\t east.\t I\t stop\t in\t at\t Circle\t K.\t Pick\t up\t two\t copies\t of Tucson\tWeekly\t(one\tis\tfor\tBro),\tand\ttake\tit\ton\tto\tthe\thouse.\tMade\tit.\tTired.\tLegs aching.\tThroat\tdry.\tHungry.\tOne\tpeanut\tbutter\tsandwich\ta\tday\tfor\tlunch\tain\u2019t much\tfuel.\tBut\tI\u2019m\tback\tat\tthe\thouse. The\tdog\tis\texcited,\tbarking,\tBARKING.\tWants\tto\tbe\ttaken\tfor\ta\twalk.\tShe\thas a\tsmall\tfront\tyard\tto\trun\taround\tin,\tbut\tit\tis\thardly\tenough\tfor\ther.\tAnd\tI\tget\tit, surely\t do.\t The\tkid\tneeds\tto\tstretch\ther\t short\tlegs.\tI\t sympathize,\tI\t do.\tI\ttry\t to talk\tto\ther\tlike\tone\twould\ta\thuman\tbeing\t(well,\tit\u2019s\thabit).","I\t tell\t her:\t \u201cJust\t let\t me\t go\t in,\t get\t a\t drink\t of\t water,\t and\t we\u2019ll\t go\t for\t a\t walk.\t I promise.\tJust\tgive\tme\ttwo\tminutes.\u201d She\u2019s\t too\t worked\t up\t now.\t She\t knows\t what\t the\t word\t \u201cwalk\u201d\t means.\t You betcha.\t She\u2019s\t thrilled.\t I\t speak\t to\t her\t softly,\t but\t it\t hardly\t ever\t works.\t She\u2019s thrilled\t and\t happy\t and\t can\u2019t\t wait\t to\t go\t outside.\t I\t reach\t in\t the\t refrigerator\t for the\t jug\t of\t cold\t water,\t fill\t my\t small\t container,\t grab\t a\t peach,\t rinse\t it\t under\t the tap.\tI\thave\tsome\twater,\tgrab\tthe\tleash\tand\twe\u2019re\toff. \t I\t eat\t the\t peach,\t a\t great\t tasty\t peach,\t on\t our\t walk.\t I\t take\t her\t out\t there\t for about\ttwo\tmiles,\treturn. Later,\tBro\tand\tI\twent\tout\tto\tsee\tif\twe\tcould\tfind\ta\traincoat\tto\tbuy.\tAt\ta\tthrift store\t on\t Broadway,\t I\t come\t across\t a\t tan\t green\t raincoat\t that\t looks\t like something\t that\t Peter\t Falk\t as\t Columbo\t would\t wear\t that\t I\t liked,\t nylon\t sweat pants\t that\t might\t keep\t me\t from\t getting\t wet\t in\t a\t rainstorm\u2014all\t for\t about\t six bucks.\t Not\t bad.\t Didn\u2019t\t want\t Bro\t to\t spend\t his\t money\t (as\t the\t dude\t is\t on\t a budget).\t So\t that\t worked\t out.\t His\t old\t jalopy\t of\t a\t car\t was\t over-heating\t once again.\t Found\t a\t gas\t station,\t filled\t the\t radiator\t and\t drove\t back\t here\u2014by\t then\t it had\tstopped\training.\tStorm\tover.\tSo\tnow,\tat\tleast\tam\tprepared\tshould\tthe\train pick\tup\ttomorrow.\tIt\u2019s\tmonsoon\tseason\taround\there,\tyou\tdig?","Chapter\t41 Nice\tand\tsunny\tthis\tFriday\tmorning.\tI\thop\ton\tthe\tbicycle\t(not\tmine,\tBro\u2019s) at\t about\t 6\t minutes\t past\t seven\t and\t pedal\t the\t six\t miles\t south\t of\t Speedway,\t as before.\tI\tlike\tthe\tshop,\tthe\tpeople;\tall\tpleasant,\tso\tfar.\tThe\tworry\tis\tthere,\tthere is\talways\troom\tto\tscrew\tup,\tmake\ta\tbad\terror,\tand\tthere\tgoes\tthe\tjob\tand\tout the\t door,\t amigo.\t The\t way\t it\t feels.\t It\t never\t is\t personal,\t but\t the\t man\t has\t a business\tto\tkeep\tafloat\tand\tyou\tknow\tthe\trest.\tBut\tspent\tplenty\tof\ttime\ton\tthe encoder\tby\tmyself\teven\ttoday. \t The\towner\tappears\tto\tbe\ta\tgood\tsort.\tAlways\tlots\ton\this\tmind\tas\the\twalks\ta sure\t walk\t through\t the\t building,\t from\t station\t to\t station,\t checking\t on\t things, making\tsure\tjobs\tare\tcorrect.\tPats\tme\ton\tthe\tback,\tsays:\t\u201cGood\tto\tsee\tyou.\u201d We\tshake\thands. \u201cGood\tto\tsee\tyou,\ttoo,\u201d\tI\tsay,\tand\twe\tboth\tmean\tit.\tI\tlike\tit\twhen\tpeople\ttreat one\tanother\twith\tthis\tkind\tof\tcourtesy\tand\trespect. Said\tto\thim:\t\u201cI\thope\tI\tcan\tdo\ta\tgood\tjob\tfor\tyou.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s\t what\t we\t got\t you\t here\t for,\u201d\t said\t Jens,\t and\t strolled\t on\t to\t the\t inner bowels\tand\toffices\tin\tfront. \t Toward\tend\tof\tthe\tday\tthe\tshop\tforeman,\tLipworth,\twalks\tup,\tsays: \u201cYou\u2019ll\tbe\tpaid\tTuesday.\tWe\tget\tpaid\tweekly\there.\u201d Good\t news.\t Very\t good\t news.\t I\t like\t that.\t Yessir.\t Then\t he\t says\t that\t come Monday,\tif\tthere\tis\tno\twork\tfor\tthe\tencoder,\tthey\u2019ll\tput\tme\tin\tthe\tshipping\tand cutting\troom\twith\tthe\ttall\tdude\tnamed\tMalin.\tI\tnod\tmy\thead.\tOkay.\tThe\tcutter does\t concern\t me,\t though.\t Since\t I\t was\t done\t on\t the\t encoder,\t helped\t Rutley\t out on\t the\t three-color\t press,\t 14-inch.\t The\t damn\t thing\t is\t long,\t LONG\u2014one\t LONG PRESS.","At\tfifteen\tof\tI\tclock\tout,\tand\tstep\toutside.\tIt\u2019s\tovercast\tonce\tagain\tand\tlooks like\t imminent\t rain.\t I\u2019ve\t got\t to\t make\t it\t back\t to\t the\t house\t before\t it\t starts\t to pour. I\tpedal\tlike\ta\tmaniac,\tcut\tacross\tthe\trailroad\ttracks\twhere\ta\ttrain\tis\tmoving in\t reverse.\t At\t the\t tail-end\t two\t guys\t are\t communicating\t with\t the\t engineer\t up ahead\t in\t the\t locomotive\t via\t walkie-talkies.\t They\t are\t trying\t to\t hitch\t another caboose\tto\tit.\tI\tmake\tit\tacross\tthe\ttracks.\tFeel\ta\traindrop\tor\ttwo\ton\tmy\tface,\tbut nothing\theavy.\tI\tam\tgoing\tgangbusters\ton\tthe\tbike,\tbaby.\tIt\tstays\tovercast\tand gloomy\tall\tthe\tway,\tbut\tit\tdoesn\u2019t\tstart\training\tuntil\tI\tget\tin.","Chapter\t42 Feels\t good\t to\t be\t back.\t Take\t the\t sneakers\t and\t socks\t off,\t unwind.\t Bro\t asleep on\tthe\twater\tbed\tin\tthe\tliving\troom\twhen\tI\tstep\tthrough\tthe\tsliding\tglass\tdoor. The\tdog\tis\tbarking.\tBro\tsits\tup,\tsleepy-eyed.\tLately,\tsince\this\told\tlady\tand\tI\thad our\t big\t falling\t out\t he\t never\t leaves\t in\t the\t evenings.\t Is\t that\t why?\t He\t used\t to spend\tfour\tor\tfive\tdays\tout\tof\tevery\tweek\tat\ther\tplace,\tnow\the\tstays\there.\tShe must\thave\tput\ther\tfoot\tdown.\tThis\tis\tthe\tway\tit\tis:\tYou\tare\tnot\tto\tsee\tme\tuntil your\tbrother\tis\tout\tof\tthe\tscene.\tGot\tthat? So\t Bro\t is\t bummed.\t Why\t she\t would\t make\t such\t a\t demand,\t insist\t on\t such\t an ultimatum\t (even\t though\t she\t does\t not\t live\t here),\t is\t beyond\t me.\t But\t I\t get\t the feeling\tam\tmighty\tclose\tto\twhat\tis\tgoing\ton.\tShe\tcalls\tthe\tshots,\the\tobeys. \t Well,\tthe\tway\tit\tis.\tMy\tbeef\tis\tnot\twith\thim\u2014the\tkid\u2019s\tbeen\tgreat\tand\twe\u2019re brothers,\twe\u2019re\tconnected.\tI\ttold\thim\tearlier: \u201cLook,\t we\u2019re\t different,\t that\u2019s\t all,\t you\t and\t I.\t When\t I\t move\t I\u2019d\t like\t to\t see\t us part\t on\t good\t terms.\t We\t just\t can\u2019t\t work\t together.\t We\t are\t too\t damned different.\u201d He\t can\u2019t\t understand\t why\t I\t don\u2019t\t do\t things\t his\t way,\t and\t vice\t versa.\t I\t told him:\tHey,\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tsome\tgreat\tqualities,\tetc.,\tall\tthat.\tGrateful\tfor\tthe\thelp. He\t watched\t tv\t for\t a\t while.\t Seinfeld\t is\t his\t favorite\t show,\t then\t he\t dosed\t off again.\tLike\tI\tsaid:\tdepression,\tbecause\the\u2019d\trather\tbe\tover\tat\this\told\tlady\u2019s,\tbut he\t can\u2019t\t be,\t so\t he\t sleeps.\t When\t he\u2019s\t depressed\t he\t sleeps.\t Life,\t baby.\t Ain\u2019t\t it\t a bowl\tof\tcherries?\tThe\tchick\tsays\tto\thim:\tJump,\tand\tBro\tsays:\tHow\thigh? GO\tFIGURE\tIT\tOUT\t(if\tyou\tcan). \t Ten-12\t now.\t Sitting\t in\t this\t bedroom\t by\t myself\t and\t listening\t to\t Barry Manilow.\tSomething\tabout\tDaylight\t.\t.\t.\tmemories;\tour\tstay\tin\tthe\tsun.\t.\t.\t.\tI\tlike it.\tI\tlike\tManilow,\teven\tif\tcertain\ttypes\tthink\the\tis\tsquare\tand\tcan\u2019t\twait\tto\tput","him\t down.\t Music\t is\t music,\t and\t if\t it\t does\t what\t it\t should,\t move\t you\t in\t some way,\thelps\tyou\tget\tthrough\tthe\tmoment,\tit\tserves\tits\tpurpose. My\tday\tin\tthe\tsun\t.\t.\t.\tas\tthe\tsong\tgoes.\tA\ttune\tfrom\tCats,\tI\tbelieve. \t Yep.\tSo\tthat\u2019s\twhat\u2019s\ton\tthis\t\u201ctransient\u2019s\u201d\tmind:\tto\tmove\tout,\tfind\ta\tplace\tof my\town\tand\ttry\tto\tsurvive\tin\tgood\tol\u2019\tTucson,\tamigo.\tRent\ta\tsmall\thouse\twith a\t bit\t of\t a\t yard\t that\t allows\t pets.\t I\u2019d\t like\t to\t go\t down\t to\t the\t animal\t shelter\t and pick\tout\ta\tpup\tand\ttake\tcare\tof\tit.\tIt\twould\tbe\tnice\tto\thave\ta\tdog\tof\tmy\town,\tas opposed\tto\ttaking\tcare\tof\tother\tpeople\u2019s\tdogs. Two\t days\t of\t rest.\t Will\t I\t ever\t finish\t these\t books?\t Will\t I\t ever\t get\t them published?\t(and\tif\tso.\t.\t.\t.)","Chapter\t43 Weekend\t over.\t Yep.\t Monday\t here\t already\t this\t morning.\t Ready\t to\t leave\t for the\tjob.\tPrepared\tmy\tlunch\tlast\tnight:\tboloney\tsandwich\/one\tapple\/carrots. Did\tsome\tmore\twork\ton\tthe\tcab\tmanuscript.\tWent\tto\tbed\tat\tmidnight\t(after watching\t a\t bad\t Roy\t Scheider\t movie\t called\t 52\t Pickup,\t written\t by\t Elmore Leonard).\tHow\tdoes\tthis\tguy\tget\tthis\tshit\tmade?\tIt\u2019s\tbeyond\tme.\tAnyway,\twent to\t bed\t after\t the\t flick,\t but\t then\t could\t not\t fall\t asleep.\t Tossed\t and\t turned,\t the usual,\tthinking\tabout\twork,\tthe\tencoder.\tThe\tnerves;\tgot\t\u2018em.\tShould\ttrain\tmy body\tto\tget\tto\tsleep\tat\t10\tp.m. All\t this\t over\t five-bucks-an-hour.\t A\t waste,\t I\t know,\t but\t what\t can\t you\t do? Let\u2019s\tsee\tif\tmy\twage\tgoes\tup\tor\tnot.\tI\tcan\talways\tthink\tabout\tfinding\ta\tsecond job.\tAfter\tthe\tmove\tis\tmade\tand\tI\tcan\tbuy\ta\tused\tcar. \t What\tto\tdo\tabout\tGrunt\tPress?\tNot\tinclined\tto\tsend\tthem\tanything.\tFeel\tlike doing\t it\t all\t myself.\t Too\t many\t rejections\t over\t the\t years\t have\t left\t me\t fed- up\/tired\t of\t being\t at\t someone\t else\u2019s\t mercy\/beck-and-call.\t AND\t WHY?\t WHEN THERE\tIS\tNO\tNEED\tFOR\tIT.\tNONE\tAT\tALL. \t Ten\t to\t seven\t now.\t I\t leave\t here\t at\t about\t seven\t a.m.\t As\t mentioned\t before,\t it takes\t me\t forty\t minutes\t to\t reach\t the\t shop.\t Manager\t did\t tell\t me\t I\t could\t be working\t in\t shipping\t with\t someone\t named\t Malin.\t Tall\t dude,\t wears\t walking shorts.\tIn\this\t20s.\tSense\tof\thumor\ttended\tto\tbe\tjuvenile.\tOtherwise\tseems\tokay. They\tall\tseem\tlike\treasonable\tpeople.\tSo\tfar.\tThis\tis\twhat\tyou\twant\tto\tbelieve: peeps\tjust\ttrying\tto\tmake\ta\tbuck,\tearn\ta\tliving,\texist\tsomehow.\tDid\tpick\tup\ton the\tfact\tmore\tthan\tone\twas\ta\tformer\tcon,\tdid\ttime.\tWhere\telse\tto\tlearn\thow\tto work\t a\t printing\t press?\t No\t problem.\t The\t other\t hard-to-ignore\t truth\t was\t all\t of them\tknew\tmore\tabout\tthis\tstuff\tthan\tme.","Chapter\t44 Another\t day\t on\t the\t job.\t This\t time\t worked\t in\t bindery\t with\t the\t Malin\t dude. Everything\tseems\tto\tupset\tthis\tguy.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\ttalk\tmuch,\tjust\tlistened\tand\tlet\thim vent.\tWent\tabout\tmy\tbusiness,\tgetting\tthe\twork\tdone. The\t toughest\t part\t of\t the\t job\t today\t (tougher\t even\t than\t having\t to\t listen\t to Malin\u2019s\t bitching)\t was\t going\t in\t the\t rear\t of\t the\t warehouse\t and\t moving\t around these\thuge,\tHUGE\tROLLS\tOF\tPAPER\tthat\tweigh\tthree-hundred-pounds.\t(There were\t some\t that\t weigh\t six-hundred\t pounds,\t yet\t others\t a\t thousand.)\t Incredibly LARGE\trolls\tof\tpaper\tthere\tfor\tthe\tpresses.\tThey\tcome\tin\ton\tthese\tpallets\tand Malin\t and\t I\t had\t to\t DOWNLOAD\t these\t things\t for\t the\t pressman.\t We straightened\tout\tthe\trollers\tso\tthat\tit\twould\tbe\teasier\tfor\tthe\tpressman\tto\tgo\tto. Then\twe\treturned\tto\tshipping\tin\tthe\tfront. I\t stapled\t parking\t tickets\t together.\t Yes;\t we\t print\t parking\t tickets\t for\t TPD.\t I also\t trimmed\t thousands\t of\t medical\t forms,\t boxed\t them,\t etc.\t Swept\t up\t at\t 4:20, and\tit\twas\ttime\tto\tgo. \t Those\t boloney\t sandwiches\t I\t make\t for\t myself\t to\t take\t to\t work\t taste\t pretty darn\t good.\t I\t make\t one,\t add\t mayonnaise\/mustard\/lettuce\/tomato,\t etc.\t Brought an\t apple,\t carrots.\t Stuff\t keeps\t you\t going,\t gives\t you\t the\t much-needed\t energy.\t I keep\tdrinking\tthe\tfoul-tasting\ttap\twater,\tbut\twhat\telse?\tThey\tneed\tto\tbring\tin\ta water\tcooler\tat\twork,\tor\telse\tI\tought\tto\tpick\tup\tpurified\twater\tover\tat\tthe\tstore near\thome. \t And\tso\tunchained\tthe\tbike\t(at\ttree\ton\tthe\tgrounds),\thopped\ton,\tand\tsteered it\t north\t on\t Dodge.\t Reached\t the\t tracks.\t And\t just\t as\t I\t am\t about\t to\t cross\t said tracks,\tidling\tfreight\ttrain\tengine\tstarts\tto\tmove.\tWell,\tI\tfigure\tI\u2019ll\twait\t.\t.\t.\tonly the\twaiting\tdrags\ton.\tThese\tfreight\ttrains\tgo\ton\tforever. I\tride\tthe\tbike\twest\tin\tthe\tcoal-like\tblack\tgravel\tbetween\tthe\ttracks\tfor\thalf\ta mile,\tsit\tthere,\twait\tfor\tthe\ttrain\tto\tget\ton\tthrough.\tFinally\tit\tdoes.\tI\tride\tacross","the\ttracks,\twait\tat\tAviation\tParkway\tfor\tthe\ttraffic\tlight\tto\tturn\tgreen,\tride\ton across. I\tride\twest\ton\tAviation\tdown\tto\tCountry\tClub;\tand\tyou\tknow\tthe\trest.\tHot. Sun\tbright.\tSome\ttraffic.\tPeople\ton\ttheir\tway\thome. \t I\t reach\t Speedway,\t head\t east\t to\t the\t corner\t where\t the\t Circle\t K\t market\t is,\t go left,\t and\t on\t over\t to\t my\t street.\t I\t reach\t the\t house.\t The\t dog,\t Nellie,\t goes\t crazy. Barking,\t BARKING,\t happy\t to\t see\t me.\t I\t pet\t her,\t go\t inside.\t My\t body\t is\t aching. Feet,\tback,\tetc.\tDump\tthe\torange\tpack\ton\tthe\tcarpet,\tsit\tdown\tfor\ta\tspell.\tI\tget up,\t make\t a\t sandwich\t and\t wash\t it\t down\t with\t ice\t cold\t water.\t Later\t have\t four oatmeal\tcookies\twith\tmilk.\tNews\ton\ttv.\tDoesn\u2019t\tinterest. \t I\t go\t in\t the\t bedroom\t and\t plop\t down\t on\t the\t bed\t and\t nap\t until\t 8\t p.m.\t I\t leave the\t set\t on,\t but\t nothing\t really\t on.\t Finish\t up\t working\t on\t Streets\t of\t LA\t taxi stories. At\t 9\t p.m.\t Deadline\t is\t on.\t Interesting\t segment\t on\t computer\t repair\t shop ripoffs;\t and\t then\t something\t on\t Elvis.\t Private\t Home\t Movies.\t His\t former \u201cMemphis\t Mafia\u201d\t promoting\t video,\t still\t living\t off\t the\t King\t of\t Rock.\t Pathetic. Yes,\tElvis\thad\this\tproblems\u2014but,\tmy\tgod,\twhat\ta\tvoice.\tWhat\ta\tvoice.\t.\t.\t. Jay\tLeno\thad\tthe\tWorld\u2019s\tStrongest\tMan\ton\t(and\this\tgirlfriend,\talso\ta\tlifter), from\t Denmark.\t Then\t John\t Fogerty\t did\t a\t song\t from\t his\t latest\t album.\t Bill Whore\u2019s\tPolitically\tIncorrect\tcomes\ton\tand\tDeepak\tChupacabra,\tthe\tidiot,\tand\tI simply\t cannot\tstand\tDeepak\t Chupacabra\u2014the\t biggest\tA-hole\tever.\tAnd\tgo\tin my\t room\t and\t here\t I\t am\t and\t it\u2019s\t 2\t min.\t after\t midnight\t and\t still\t do\t not\t feel sleepy.\tThat\tnap\tearlier\tdid\thelp. I\tget\tup\tat\t6\ta.m.\tthese\tdays\twith\tthe\tjob\tand\tshould\tthink\tabout\thitting\tthe sack\tearlier.\tI\tshould.\tSomehow\tit\tis\tnot\teasy\tto\tfall\tasleep.\tNot\teasy. Have\t just\t about\t gone\t through\t that\t ream\t of\t typing\t paper\t already.\t Will\t need to\t pick\t up\t another.\t Will\t need\t to\t open\t a\t checking\t account,\t too.\t Send\t ms\t to Colorado;\tfind\tan\tapartment\tand\/or\thouse\tto\trent,\tetc.,\tpossibly\twith\ta\tyard,\tin order\tto\thave\ta\tdog. And\t then\t there\u2019s\t the\t other\t book:\t Gimme\t My\t Change.\t Do\t I\t send\t anything\t to Grunt?\tIgnore\tthem\taltogether?","Chapter\t45 Received\tmy\tcheck\tfrom\tLorine,\tthe\toffice\tmanager,\tan\tattractive\tblond lady\t in\t her\t 20s,\t albeit\t on\t the\t plus-size.\t Pleasant\t woman.\t Never\t cared\t for the\t thin\t type\t anyway.\t There\t is\t another\t babe\t in\t there,\t Latina.\t Long\/dark\t hair down\t to\t her\t backside\t (and\t what\t a\t backside).\t Could\t be\t spoken\t for.\t Anyway\u2014 the\tcheck\twas\tfor\tall\tof\t$111.00.\tThat\u2019s\tit;\tone-hundred-and-eleven-bucks. This\t kid\t is\t going\t places.\t This\t forty-six-year-old-scribe\t is\t destined\t for greatness.\tThat\twas\tfor\t25-hours.\tAt\tthis\trate\tI\u2019ll\thave\tto\tseek\tout\ta\tsecond\tjob. The\t Telemundo\t people\t never\t called\t back.\t So\t much\t for\t the\t compliments\t Mr. Crabapple\tpitched\tmy\tway\tover\tthe\tphone\tthat\ttime. \t I\u2019ll\t have\t to\t hang\t in\t and\t see,\t wait\t and\t see.\t After\t all,\t I\t did\t just\t start\t as\t a printer.\t Spent\t time\t in\t \u201cBindery\u201d\t with\t Malin.\t 6\u20193\u201d\t or\t 6\u20194,\u201d\t dark-haired.\t Earring in\t left\t earlobe.\t Always\t whining\t about\t something:\t too\t hot\t outside\/floor\t too dirty\/somebody\t took\t his\t pen\/the\t printer\t prints\t out\t too\t fast.\t He\u2019s\t the\t type who\u2019s\t always\t got\t to\t make\t some\t kind\t of\t inane\t comment\t about\t everything. Other\tthan\tthat,\the\u2019s\tinnocuous.\tIt\u2019s\tjust\tthat\tif\tyou\u2019re\tfocused\ton\twhat\tyou\u2019re doing\t you\t don\u2019t\t need\t to\t hear\t this\t guy\t constantly\t complaining\t and\t griping about\t shit.\t It\t can\t be\t distracting\t enough\t and\t can\t throw\t you\t off,\t especially\t if you\u2019re\toperating\tthe\tcutter\u2014and\tthat\tis\tone\tmean\tlooking\tblade\ton\tthat\tcutter. \t It\t seems\t everywhere\t you\t turn\t in\t the\t shop\t there\t are\t machines\t that\t can\t do you\t in,\t crush\t a\t finger\t or\t take\t a\t hand\t right\t off.\t Was\t stapling\t parking\t tickets yesterday\u2014and\t the\t way\t this\t thing\t comes\t down\t with\t the\t stapler\u2014one\t wrong move,\t a\t bit\t of\t inattentiveness,\t and\t the\t thing\t will\t crush\t your\t thumb.\t In\t the morning\twas\tdoing\twhat\tthey\tcall\t\u201cscoring.\u201d\tFed\tmore\tticket\tbook\tcovers\tinto rollers\tthat\tcreased\tit\tin\tselected\tplaces.\tThere,\ttoo,\tone\tslip\tand\tthe\tthing\twill flatten\ta\tfinger\tor\ttwo.","Was\tglad\tto\tbe\tout\tof\tthe\tshipping\troom\/bindery\tand\tby\tmyself\tback\ton\tthe encoder.\tA\troll\tof\tpaper\tthat\teasily\tweighed\ta\thundred\tand\ttwenty\tpounds\thad to\t be\t rewound.\t The\t printer\t had\t printed\t it\t backwards,\t and\t so\t before\t encoding could\t be\t done\t the\t roll\t of\t checks\t had\t to\t be\t reversed.\t That\t took\t well\t over\t an hour\u2014and\t by\t then\t it\t was\t time\t to\t go\t home.\t So\t tomorrow\t that\u2019s\t the\t first\t thing I\u2019ll\tbe\tgetting\ton,\tprinting\tthose\tchecks\tfor\ta\tMexican\tcompany. Was\tovercast\tall\tthe\tway\thome.\tNot\ta\tdrop\tfell,\tthough.\tMaybe\ttomorrow.\tIf this\thappens,\tif\tit\trains,\tI\twill\thave\tto\twrap\tmy\tfeet\tin\tplastic\tbags\tin\torder\tto keep\tthe\tsocks\tdry.\tWhat\tother\tway?\tAm\tnot\tabout\tto\twear\tgaloshes\t(like\tyou had\t to\t in\t Chi-town).\t Not\t in\t AZ,\t baby.\t Got\t that\t raincoat\t and\t pants\t in\t case\t it came\tdown. Took\t a\t nap\t right\t after\t arriving\t from\t work.\t It\t takes\t its\t toll,\t this\t standing\t on your\t feet\t eight\t hours\t a\t day.\t Will\t wait\t for\t the\t second\t check\t before\t I\t make\t a deposit.\tThis\tpresent\tamount\tis\tjust\ttoo\tsmall\tto\tdeposit\tnow.","Chapter\t46 Letter\t\u201cN\u201d\tsticks. Caught\tin\tthe\train\tagain\ttoday\ton\tthe\tway\thome.\tStarted\tto\train\tno\tless\tthan a\t mile\t from\t work.\t I\t stopped,\t jumped\t off\t and\t got\t into\t the\t raincoat\t and\t nylon pants.\tFlimsy\tstuff,\tI\tfound\tout.\tBut\tit\tdid\thelp.\tShoes,\ttop\tof\tmy\thead\tgot\twet. Should\tbuy\ta\treal\traincoat\tand\tpants. Anyway,\tthat\u2019s\tnot\twhat\u2019s\ton\tmy\tmind\tpresently.\tHad\tthe\tworst\tday\tat\twork since\t I\t started.\t They\t put\t me\t on\t the\t encoder.\t And\t the\t damned\t thing\t kept malfunctioning.\t And\t why\t not?\u2014when\t you\u2019ve\t got\t three\t machines\t to\t keep running\tin\tsync.\tA\treal\tbitch.\tImpossible\tto\tkeep\trunning\tsmoothly.\tYou\u2019ve\tgot the\t encoder,\t which\t is\t more\t than\t enough\t trouble,\t then\t you\t got\t that\t roller\t in back,\tand\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tthe\tmachine\/roller\tin\tfront:\tthe\tfeeder.\tThe\tchecks\tare\ton a\troll\tthat\tweighs\twell\tover\ta\thundred\tpounds.\tAnd\u2014like\tI\tsaid\u2014\tthese\tchecks are\tperforated.\tSay\tthere\tisn\u2019t\tenough\tslack\t(too\tmuch\ttension\tfrom\tthe\tfeeder\tto the\tencoder)\tand\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\ta\ttear\tproblem.\tThen\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tstop\teverything and\t splice\t it\t all\t together.\t And\t say\t you\u2019ve\t got\t these\t two\t machines\t running smoothly,\tnow\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tthe\ttake-up\troller\t(in\tback\tof\tthe\tencoder)\tto\tworry about:\tit\tdoes\tnot\talways\ttake\tup\tevenly.\tIt\twill\teasily\toverlap:\teither\tto\tthe\tleft or\tto\tthe\tright. My\t god\u2014it\t took\t until\t noon\t to\t set\t up\t this\t job.\t Just\t frustrating. FRUSTRATING.\tAnd\tthe\tmanager,\tLipworth,\twalks\tby.\tCan\u2019t\twait\tto\tquip: \u201cHow\u2019s\tit\tgoing,\tAce?\u201d And\t what\t can\t you\t say?\t He\t sees\t what\t a\t tough\t time\t you\u2019re\t having,\t and opines:\t\u201cYou\u2019re\tfrustrated,\thuh?\u201d No\tneed\tto\trespond\ton\tmy\tpart. \t And\tthe\twhole\tday\twent\tlike\tthat.\tFront\tend\twould\ttear\tand\tI\u2019d\tfix\tit,\tget\tit going,\tand\tthen\tthe\tback\tend\twould\tdo\tthe\tsame\u2014I\u2019d\tfix\tthat,\tthen\tthe\tred\ttape would\t run\t off\t the\t mark.\t So\t now\t instead\t of\t printing\t six-digits\t on\t the\t check,","you\u2019re\tprinting\tonly\tfive.\tThus,\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tstop\tthe\twhole\toperation,\tsearch for\t the\t exact\t time\t it\t started\t to\t happen,\t get\t rid\t of\t the\t defective\t checks, splice\/reset\tthe\tblack\tdigits,\treset\tthe\tred. The\twhole\tdamned\tday\twent\tlike\tthis\tuntil\tabout\tthree,\twhen\tLipworth\tsaid, at\tthe\tpoint\tthe\tfront\tfeeder\tripped\t(on\tits\town)\tto\tforget\tthat\tand\tget\tready\tto start\tanother\torder,\tnew\tchecks\/different\tcompany. Rutley\t comes\t over\t and\t helps\t me\t set\t up.\t We\t get\t the\t damned\t thing\t going\t at four\t(not\tusing\tthe\trear\troller\tor\tthe\tfront).\tWe\tplace\tstacks\tof\tnew\tchecks\ton the\t floor,\t feed\t them\t up\t into\t the\t encoder.\t They\t pass\t through,\t up\t and\t over\t and land\t in\t a\t neat\t stack\t on\t the\t back\t shelf.\t This\t is\t much\t easier.\t This\t way.\t Rutley turns\tfor\ta\tbrief\tsecond\tto\tshow\tme\tsomething\tand\tthe\tred\ttape\tslips\tand\ttwo hundred\t or\t so\t checks\t have\t to\t be\t destroyed.\t He\u2019s\t red-faced,\t but\t says\t nothing. AND\tHE\u2019S\tBEEN\tDOING\tTHIS\tFOR\tTHIRTY\tYEARS. If\tit\tcan\thappen\tto\thim,\twhy\tshouldn\u2019t\tit\thappen\tto\tsomeone\tlike\tme? We\t get\t her\t rolling.\t At\t least\t a\t thousand\t of\t these\t Greyhound\t payroll\t checks must\t be\t ready\t by\t the\t time\t we\t leave.\t We\t get\t them\t printed\/boxed\/etc. Tomorrow\t we\t do\t some\t more,\t and\t then\t another\t job\t will\t be\t waiting:\t the Romanowski\torder. I\t wash\t my\t hands,\t clock\t out.\t Eager\t to\t get\t the\t hell\t out.\t ESCAPE.\t MY\t GOD, WHAT\tA\tROUGH\/ROUGH\tSTRESSFUL\tDAY.\tDon\u2019t\tknow\thow\tlong\tI\twill\tlast here.\t I\t was\t so\t behind\t on\t everything\t that\t I\t didn\u2019t\t even\t stop\t for\t lunch.\t It\u2019s\t a tough\tway\tto\tmake\ta\tbuck.\tTough.\tKnowing\tthat\twe\twere\tbacked\tup,\trunning behind\ton\tevery\torder\tthere,\tdid\tnot\thelp.","Chapter\t47 Showered,\tdressed.\tMade\tmy\tsandwich\tfor\twork.\tHad\ta\tbanana\tfor\tbreakfast. Washed\t down\t with\t ice\t water.\t Fed\t the\t dog.\t Cleaned\t out\t her\t water\t dish\t and refilled\tit.\tAnd\tat\tthe\tmoment\tpreparing\tmentally\tfor\tthe\tbicycle\tride\tout. Day\tbefore\tthey\tsaid\t20%\tchance\tof\train.\tWe\u2019ll\tsee.\tSky\tlooks\tbright\tand\tblue out\t there.\t We\u2019ll\t see.\t Did\t make\t it\t a\t whole\t week\t on\t the\t job,\t didn\u2019t\t I?\t I\u2019m\t even starting\tto\tfeel\tlike\tI\tcould\tmaster\tthe\tencoder.\tBut\twho\tknows?\tThings\tcan\tgo wrong\u2014and\tyou\u2019re\tout\t(just\tlike\tthat). \t Could\t use\t a\t new\t typewriter\t ribbon\t and\t another\t ream\t of\t paper.\t And\t what happens\t once\t I\t find\t my\t own\t place\t and\t get\t laid\t off\t and\t cannot\t draw unemployment\t and\/or\t find\t work?\t It\u2019s\t a\t possibility.\t Will\t have\t to\t take\t that chance,\t I\t suppose.\t Can\u2019t\t stay\t here,\t don\u2019t\t want\t to\t stay\t here.\t Atmosphere\t no good.\tToo\tmany\tdifferences.\tPeople\thelp\tyou\tout,\tthen\tcan\u2019t\twait\tto\tdirect\tyour life;\t can\u2019t\t wait\t to\t jump\t all\t over\t you.\t Everybody\t has\t opinions\t on\t how\t you should\t live.\t It\u2019s\t nothing\t but\t BS,\t but\t there\t you\t are.\t You\t owe\t them\t to\t THINK THE\t WAY\t THEY\t DO\u2014when\t they\t can\u2019t\t even\t straighten\t out\t their\t own\t life. Flakey\t people\t and\t flakey\t demeanors.\t Pissants\t and\t their\t pissant\t behavior. Where\tis\tthe\tlogic\tand\twhere\tis\tthe\tsane\tand\tsensible\tbehavior? Bro\t the\t other\t day\t referring\t to\t my\t writing\t as\t \u201ca\t waste\t of\t time;\t not\t work. Laziness.\u201d\t I\t work\t hard\t on\t my\t writing,\t but\t others\t do\t not\t see\t it\t as\t work.\t They spend\t hours\t on\t their\t computers\t drawing\t and\t doodling\t and\t \u201csampling\u201d\t photos from\t mags\t (even\t though\t the\t clip\t art\t is\t paid\t for)\t but\t that,\t NOW\t THAT\t IS CONSIDERED\t\u201cWORK.\u201d\tSmall\tminds\tthat\tneed\tto\tbe\tled\taround\tlike\tsheep,\t\u00e0\tla Heaven\u2019s\tGate\t(the\tSuicide\tSect);\tApplegate\tcrowd. Go\tfigure. Seth\tSpeaks?\tSure.\tI\tsay:\tSeth\tExcretes.\t(Re:\tthe\tbook\tby\tthat\tsilly\tlittle\tbroad named\tRoberts.)\tBut\tthe\tlambs\tneed\tto\tfollow\tsomebody,\tneed\tto\tbe\tguided\tby SOMEBODY,\tand\tit\tmight\tas\twell\tbe\tSeth,\tor\tEdgar\tCasey.\tGO\tFIGURE,\tBABY.","Ten\tof. I\t have\t to\t ride.\t Have\t a\t bicycle\t ride\t ahead\t of\t me.\t Not\t that\t I\t mind\t it\t so\t much. Gives\t me\t a\t chance\t to\t mull\t things\t over,\t \u201cmeditate,\u201d\t etc.\t Well,\t at\t least\t the women\t are\t pleasant\t at\t work.\t They\t talk\t to\t you;\t say\t good-morning,\t hello.\t It\u2019s nice. \t Getting\t better\t on\t the\t encoder.\t Trouble\t is\t when\t I\t have\t to\t print\t checks\t that are\t on\t a\t huge\t roll\t it\t is\t very\t difficult\t to\t set\t up.\t The\t roll\t is\t on\t a\t different machine,\t on\t casters,\t with\t an\t electric\t eye\u2014the\t eye\t allows\t the\t roll\t to\t move\t by itself,\tfeed\tinto\tthe\tencoder.\tThe\tthing\talso\thas\tair\tbrakes.\tJust\ta\tpain.\tIt\twould either\tfeed\tinto\tthe\tpress\t(encoder\ttoo\tslow\tor\ttoo\tfast),\tand\tthat\twas\tthe\tleast of\tthe\tproblem;\tit\tkept\ttearing\tchecks\tat\tthe\tperforated\tline,\tetc.\tAnd\twhen\tthat happens\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tstop\teverything\tand\tsplice\tthe\tends\ttogether.\tAnd\tevery time\tyou\u2019re\tstopping\tthe\tmachine\tto\tdo\tthis\tthe\tshop\tsupervisor\twalks\tup\tand gives\t you\t the\t look.\t He\t likes\t to\t \u201chear\t noise\u201d\t in\t the\t shop:\t presses running\/collating\t machines\t running\/my\t encoder\t running.\t When\t they\t are running\tthat\tmeans\tthe\tcompany\tis\tmaking\tmoney;\tand\twhen\tthey\tare\tnot.\t.\t.\t. \t So,\tit\tis\tno\tlonger\tme\tthat\tis\tthe\tcause.\tI\tbelieve\tI\u2019ve\tgot\tthe\tencoder\tnailed down,\tcan\trun\tit.\tI\tcan\tset\tit\tup\tand\trun\tthe\tdamned\tthing.\tI\u2019m\tlearning.\tIt\ttook a\t while.\t Many\t tries\t (with\t Rutley\u2019s\t help;\t good\t ol\u2019\t Rutley).\t Before\t I\t left\t today Jesse-Butch\tLipworth\twalks\tup,\tleans\tin: \u201cCome\tin\ttomorrow\tmorning\tat\t9\tfor\tmore\ttraining.\u201d I\tsay:\t\u201cLet\tme\tget\tthis\tright:\tInstead\tof\tcoming\tin\tat\tmy\tusual\ttime,\twhich\tis 8\ta.m.,\tyou\twant\tme\tto\tcome\tin\tat\t9?\u201d Lipworth\t nods.\t I\t have\t nothing\t against\t the\t guy,\t retired\t US\t Air\t Force\t major, pleasant,\tetc.\tSoutherner.\tHe\tsays: \u201cRight.\t That\t is,\t unless\t there\u2019s\t encoding\t to\t be\t done,\t then\t come\t in\t at\t your usual\ttime.\u201d I\tnod. First\t paycheck\t was\t for\t $110.\t Wonder\t what\t the\t next\t one\t will\t be\t for?\t (For\t a forty-hour\tweek.) Some\train\tpredicted\tfor\tthe\tnext\tfive\tdays\tor\tso.","Chapter\t48 Thought\tI\u2019d\ttry\tand\topen\ta\tchecking\taccount\ttoday.\tWondered\tif\tBro\tfelt like\ttagging\talong,\tfor\tthat\tand\tmaybe\tpick\tup\ta\tcouple\tof\tcigars. Well,\t Bro\t likes\t to\t sleep\t in.\t Won\u2019t\t get\t up\t until\t ten\t or\t later.\t I\t wanted\t to\t get going\tand\tit\twas\tjust\tabout\televen\tand\tBro\u2019s\tsitting\tin\tthe\tchair\tin\tfront\tof\tthe tv\t watching\t the\t Homebuilder\t Show\t sleepy-eyed.\t I\t mention\t we\t ought\t to\t get going.\tHe\tsays: \u201cLet\tme\tget\tcleaned\tup,\tshower.\t.\t.\t.\u201d He\u2019s\tin\tthere\tfor\ttwenty\tminutes.\tI\ttap\ton\tthe\tbathroom\tdoor\tand\ttell\thim: \u201cNever\tmind;\tI\u2019ll\tride\tthe\tbicycle\tinstead.\u201d He\tcalls\tout\tfrom\tthe\tshower: \u201cAre\tyou\tsure?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tleaving.\tSee\tyou\tlater.\u201d I\tcheck\tthe\tdog\u2019s\twater,\tfeed\ther.\tHop\ton\tthe\told\tbike\tand\tride\tit\ton\tup\tGrant to\tthe\tsupermarket.\tThey\thave\ta\tbank\tin\tthere.\tI\tget\ta\tyoung,\tnew\tteller.\tClean- cut\tkid.\tOnly\the\u2019s\tnot\tsure\twhat\tto\tdo. They\t have\t me\t fill\t out\t the\t usual\t forms.\t Ask\t for\t two\t IDs.\t All\t I\u2019ve\t got\t is\t my driver\u2019s\tlicense.\tThe\tother\tteller\tthere\tknows\twhat\the\u2019s\tdoing.\tSays\ta\tpassport would\tbe\tgood,\tas\tlong\tas\tit\u2019s\tnot\texpired.\tI\tnod. Ride\t the\t bike\t back\t to\t the\t house\t in\t the\t blistering\t sun.\t Should\t have\t worn\t a visor.\tI\tdig\taround\tfor\tmy\tpassport\tand\tcan\u2019t\tseem\tto\tlocate\tit.\tFinally,\tat\tlast, find\t it\tbetween\tthe\tbox\tthe\t fax\t machine\tis\tin\tand\ta\tplastic\tcarton,\tbeside\tthe bed. \t I\u2019m\tback\ton\tthe\tbike,\thauling\tass.\tIt\tfeels\tgood\tto\tbe\tstrong\tenough\tto\tbe\table to\tdo\tthis,\tespecially\tin\tthis\tkind\tof\theat.\tFeel\ta\tlot\tbetter\tthan\twhen\tI\tlived\tin LA.\tI\twait\tin\tline.\tWalk\tup.\tThis\ttime\tall\tgoes\twell.\tI\tdeposit\tone\thundred\tand get\televen\tand\tchange\tback.\tAm\thappy.\tGot\tmy\town\tATM\tcard,\tetc.","I\t walk\t over\t to\t the\t liquor\t cooler,\t pick\t out\t an\t 18-Pack\t of\t Red\t Dog\t Beer\t at\t 7 bucks.\t Not\t bad.\t Eighteen\t beers\t for\t seven\t dollars.\t Rode\t the\t bike\t back\t to\t the duplex.\tCracked\ta\tcan.\tTurned\tthe\ttube\ton.","Chapter\t49 I\tget\tto\tthe\tshop\tearly\tand\thear\tRutley\tand\tMalin\ttalking\tshit\tabout\tme in\t shipping.\t They\t don\u2019t\t know\t that\t I\u2019m\t on\t the\t other\t side\t of\t the\t door.\t Not intentionally,\t just\t happened\t to\t be\t at\t my\t station,\t by\t the\t encoder,\t getting\t into the\tapron. \u201cThen\t there\u2019s\t something\t wrong\t with\t him,\u201d\t says\t Malin\t the\t sissy.\t This\t guy, who\tlikes\tto\trun\taround\tlike\ta\tgossipy\told\tbroad,\tis\tpassing\tjudgement. \u201cHe\tsmells,\u201d\tsaid\tRutley. \u201cHuh?\u201d \u201cLike\tcat\tpiss,\u201d\temphasized\tRutley. Both\t are\t chuckling.\t The\t mothers\t are\t bad-mouthing\t a\t fellow\t co-worker\t and laughing\t it\t up.\t Even\t though\t Rutley\t is\t wrong.\t It\u2019s\t not\t me\t that\t smells,\t but\t the goddamn\tMade-In-China\t raincoat.\t That\u2019s\tright.\t Purchased\t at\t Target.\t Brand new.\t I\t shower\t in\t the\t morning\t when\t I\t get\t up,\t every\t goddamn\t day.\t Then\t get into\t the\t raincoat\t when\t the\t weather\t calls\t for\t it,\t and\t by\t the\t time\t am\t through riding\t the\t bike\t to\t work\t and\t having\t worked\t up\t a\t sweat,\t the\t cheap-ass\t plastic material\tthat\tthe\tChinese\tused\tto\tmake\tthe\traincoat\tgives\toff\ta\tstench\tpowerful enough\tto\tbe\tabsorbed\tby\tmy\tclothes.\tAnd\tso\tnow\tam\tdoomed.\tBecause\tI\tsmell like\tcat\turine. Then\t he\t adds\t something\t else\t to\t it,\t about\t my\t acting\t nervous.\t Well,\t I\t am, when\t around\t people\t I\t don\u2019t\t know\t and\/or\t don\u2019t\t trust.\t Peeps\t like\t these assholes,\texactly.\tPeople\tmake\tme\tfeel\tuncomfortable. \u201cHe\u2019s\tshy,\u201d\tsaid\tRutley. \u201cShy?\u201d\tsaid\tMalin.\t\u201cProbably\ta\tfaggot.\u201d The\tpsycho,\twho\thas\ta\thabit\tof\trunning\taround\tand\tclucking\tlike\tan\told\then has\t nerve\t to\t call\t someone\t he\t does\t not\t know,\t a\t faggot.\t Does\t it\t irk?\t It\t does.\t It shouldn\u2019t,\tbut\tit\tbothers\tme.\tI\tfeel\tlike\tcleaning\tthis\tpunk\u2019s\tclock. You\t learn,\t you\t LEARN\t as\t you\t move\t through\t life\u2014there\t is\t never\t an\t end\t to the\tsupply\tof\tdemented\tscumbags\tin\tthis\tworld.\tNever.\tNo\tend\tto\tdues.\tIt\tgoes","on.\tAnd\tmy\trespect\tfor\tRutley\tjust\tdropped\tdown\tto\tabout\tzero.\tAnd\tthe\tother grousing-sack-of-excreta?\tI\tnever\thad\tmuch\trespect\tfor\tto\tbegin\twith. Am\t burning\t up\t inside,\t the\t total\t disrespect\t of\t it,\t the\t absolute\t disregard toward\t me\t as\t a\t human\t being.\t The\t lack\t of\t integrity\t on\t display\t here\t by\t these low-class\tcretins\tand\thow\tquick\tthey\tare\tto\tbehave\tlike\tgutter\tslugs. \t I\t step\t away\t from\t the\t door.\t Not\t only\t do\t I\t not\t need\t to\t hear\t anymore,\t but\t do not\t wish\t to\t appear\t to\t be\t eavesdropping.\t It\u2019s\t then\t that\t Rutley\t steps\t through, walking\t past\t me\t to\t get\t to\t his\t press,\t and\t I\t can\t see\t that\t his\t face\t is\t on\t the\t red side.\t Embarrassed\t at\t having\t been\t busted.\t Ashamed\t at\t his\t own\t less-than- commendable\t behavior\t of\t a\t moment\t go.\t And\t this\t was\t someone\t I\u2019d\t initially thought\twas\tabove\tboard,\tstand-up.\tHell.\t.\t.\t. He\t says\t good-morning,\t and\t continues\t on.\t I\t greet\t him,\t but\t do\t so\t without looking\tup,\tand\tjust\tgo\tabout\tmy\tbusiness\tgetting\tready\tfor\tthe\tday.","Chapter\t50 They\tstick\tme\tin\tbindery.\tI\thave\tno\tsay\tin\tthe\tmatter.\tI\u2019d\tbeen\tgiven\ta\ttask, a\tjob\tthat\tpresently\trequired\ttrimming.\tI\tcarry\tthe\tstack\tof\tforms\tto\tthe\tcutter, and\t this\t thing\t has\t a\t blade\t about\t a\t yard\t long.\t The\t system\t is\t computerized. Looks\tlike.\tSo\tam\tcautious.\tPlace\tthe\tstack\ton\tthe\tflat\tplatform,\ttrying\tto\tfigure out\thow\tto\tgo\tabout\tmaking\tthe\ttrim.\tIt\tdawns\ton\tme\tthat\tthe\tthing\thad\tbeen pre-programmed\t for\t a\t certain\t type\t of\t cut\t and\t that\t it\t would\t need\t to\t be\t re- programmed\tfor\tmy\tneeds,\tin\torder\tto\tmake\tthe\ttrim\tI\tneed\tto\tmake. Malin\tsuddenly\tpokes\this\tnose\tin,\tacting\tlike\the\twas\tthe\tone\twho\tcaught\tit and\thappened\tto\tstop\tme\tin\ttime. \u201cThat\u2019s\twrong,\u201d\the\tsays.\t\u201cYou\tdon\u2019t\twant\tto\tdo\tthat.\u201d The\t other\t sissy\t runs\t in.\t Gavin.\t Same\t height\t and\t age.\t Giggles\t like\t Malin. Gavin\t points\t out\t that\t the\t cutter\t is\t computerized.\t No\t kidding,\t I\t almost\t said.\t I noticed\t it\t before\t the\t two\t of\t you\t punks\t freaked\t and\t are\t acting\t as\t though\t you stopped\tme\tfrom\tmaking\ta\tgrave\tmistake. The\tsuper,\tJesse-Butch\tLipworth,\tcan\tbe\theard\tsinging\tthat\ttv\ttheme\tthat\the loves\tjust\toutside\tour\tdoor: \u201cRollin\u2019\trollin\u2019\trollin\u2019.\u201d A\t real\t winner.\t Motivator\t par\t excellence.\t Malin\t pushes\t the\t door\t open,\t calls him\t over.\t Goes\t into\t the\t nothing\t event\t that\t never\t happened,\t but\t he\t makes\t it look\tlike\tit\tactually\tdid,\tas\tthough\tthe\terror\thad\tactually\ttaken\tplace\u2014and\t he was\tthe\tone\twho\tsaved\tthe\tday. This\tis\ttotally\tfucked,\tas\twell\tas\thumiliating\tto\tme.\tIt\tis\thard\tto\tbelieve\tthat anyone\t would\t behave\t in\t such\t a\t chickenshit\t manner.\t If\t I\t hadn\u2019t\t witnessed\t it with\tmy\town\teyes\tI\twould\tnot\thave\tbelieved\tit. Lipworth,\t the\t 60-year-old\t with\t that\t deep\t southern\t drawl\t rubs\t it\t in\t by laughing\t and\t shaking\t his\t head\t as\t though\t I\u2019d\t actually\t committed\t the\t blunder, and\t Malin\t picks\t up\t a\t few\t brownie\t points\t as\t a\t result.\t The\t fact\t that\t in\t the\t short","time\tthat\tI\thave\tbeen\there\tI\thave\tactually\tseen\tMalin\tscrew\tup\tmore\tthan\tonce does\tnot\tmake\ta\tbit\tof\tdifference. \t The\t other\t punk\t leaves\t the\t shipping\t room\t to\t join\t up\t with\t them\t in\t the corridor.\t Lipworth\t has\t moved\t on;\t I\t know\t so\t because\t the\t Rawhide\t tune\t has faded\taway,\tdrifted\ton\tto\tanother\tpart\tof\tthe\tpsych\tward\tto\ttorment\tsomeone else.\tMalin\tand\tGavin,\thowever,\thave\tremained\tjust\toutside\tthe\tshipping\troom door.\tYou\tsee,\tthey\taren\u2019t\tthrough. Gavin\thas\tfurther\twisdom\tto\tshare\twith\this\tsissy\t buddy,\thaving\tto\tdo\t with my\t hair.\t Yes,\t my\t hair.\t Grown\t men,\t adults,\t talking\t about\t how\t another\t man combs\this\thair.\tWhat\tcould\tbe\tsillier?\tYou\ttell\tme.\tThis\tis\thow\tpussies\tbehave. \u201cHairspray,\u201d\t says\t Malin.\t Both\t are\t chuckling.\t It\u2019s\t funny,\t you\t see.\t Hairspray. Not\tonly\tis\the\ta\tfag,\tbut\the\tuses\thairspray. No,\tyou\u2019re\twrong,\tsissified\tpunks.\tIt\u2019s\tnot\thairspray.\tI\thate\thairspray.\tIt\u2019s\tgel. Dep.\tThe\tonly\tway\tto\tkeep\tthe\tstrands\tcombed\tback\tand\tout\tof\tmy\teyes.\tIt\twas not\ta\tfashion\tstatement\tor\tanything\thaving\tto\tdo\twith\tvanity.\tYears\tbefore\tI\u2019d had\t it\t long,\t in\t a\t ponytail\u2014again,\t nothing\t having\t to\t do\t with\t any\t type\t of statement,\t but\t as\t a\t matter\t of\t convenience\t and\t to\t save\t money.\t I\u2019d\t also\t had\t it short,\t post\t ponytail,\t in\t a\t flattop;\t merely\t to\t try\t something\t new\t and\t different. The\t long\t hair\t was\t fine\t and\t I\t would\t have\t kept\t it,\t stayed\t with\t it\t (yes,\t the\t fact women\tliked\tit\twas\ta\tplus),\tonly\tI\u2019d\tneglected\tto\tuse\tconditioner\tafter\ttaking\ta shower\t one\t evening,\t hit\t the\t sack.\t When\t I\t woke\t up\t the\t next\t morning\t it\t was\t a tangled\t mess,\t in\t knots\u2014and\t hopeless.\t Nothing\t I\t could\t do\t but\t have\t it\t sheared off.\t My\t current\t so-called\t style\t wasn\u2019t\t anything\t I\t paid\t much\t attention\t to\t and used\tgel,\tas\tstated,\tto\tkeep\tit\tfrom\tfalling\tover\tmy\tforehead\tand\tout\tof\tmy\tface. Nothing\t even\t worth\t mentioning\t or\t talking\t about.\t But\t to\t the\t slugs,\t the clucking\/no-class\tloons,\tthis\twas\tan\tissue\tworth\tpursuing. No\t way\t around\t it:\t I\t was\t stuck\t in\t another\t situation\t with\t some\t warped humans.\tMalin,\tquite\tpossibly,\thad\tto\tbe\ton\tmeds.\tI\twas\twilling\tto\tbet\tmy\tlast damn\tdime\ton\tit.","Chapter\t51 I\t go\t about\t my\t business,\t do\t what\t I\u2019m\t told.\t Walking\tOn\t Eggshells\t describes it. \u201cKeep\tthe\tbindery\tclean\tif\tyou\twant\tto\tget\talong\twith\tme.\tThat\u2019s\tthe\tkey.\u201d I\t don\u2019t\t say\t much.\t Keep\t to\t myself.\t I\t figure\t it\u2019s\t the\t safe\t way\t to\t go\t about\t it. Guy\t is\t unbalanced.\t I\t mean,\t I\u2019m\t fairly\t scarred\t myself,\t but\t this\t mother\t is\t a certified\tloon:\tunstable,\tfraction\tof\tan\tinch\taway\tfrom\tlosing\tit\tcompletely. What\t I\t hear\t next\t adds\t weight\t to\t my\t conclusion:\t lasted\t only\t weeks\t in\t the army\t and\t got\t kicked\t out.\t Attempted\t to\t join\t the\t police\t force.\t Couldn\u2019t\t pass muster\/couldn\u2019t\t get\t past\t the\t shrink.\t Something\t was\t wrong\t with\t this\t punk\u2019s noggin.\t At\t first,\t as\t he\t spun\t his\t tale,\t he\t attempted\t to\t blame\t it\t on\t his\t Italian uncle\t back\t in\t Cicero,\t Illinois,\t who\t was\t \u201cconnected.\u201d\t I\t listened\t to\t this\t line\t of bull,\tbut\tknew\tbetter.\tDipstick\thad\tproblems. \u201cThe\t army\t said\t I\t couldn\u2019t\t handle\t authority\t well,\u201d\t said\t he,\t by\t way\t of explanation.\t Really?\t There\u2019s\t more\t to\t it\t than\t that,\t Skippy.\t \u201cThat\t hurt\t me\t later on\tin\tlife.\u201d \t The\t other\t fool,\t Gavin,\t is\t in\t and\t out.\t Usually\t to\t use\t the\t cutter\t or\t grab\t a marker,\tsomething;\tand\the\u2019s\tusually\twhistling\tthe\tThree-Blind-Mice\ttune.\tEach and\t every\t time\t he\t enters\t the\t two\t are\t giggling\/playing\t grab-ass\/pinching\t each other\tin\tthe\tribs\tlike\tschoolgirls. He\twalks\tin\twhistling\tthe\ttune,\tand\the\tleaves\twhistling\tthe\tsame.\tOne\tFlew Over\t the\t Cuckoo\u2019s\t Nest\t is\t right.\t I\t do\t my\t best\t to\t ignore\t it.\t Keep\t my\t head down\/keep\tbusy,\tmaybe\tthey\u2019ll\tleave\tme\talone\/let\tme\tbe. At\tleast\tthe\towner,\tJens,\tappears\tto\thave\tintegrity;\tthe\twomen\twere\tfriendly, human.\tDedrick\twas\ta\tnice\tguy,\tJude\tseemed\tall\tright;\tSayer\tnever\tsmiled,\tkept to\t himself.\t Gilby\t was\t missing\t some\t front\t teeth,\t another\t hypocrite\t who\t bad- mouthed\t you\t the\t minute\t your\t back\t was\t turned.\t Dusty\t R.,\t recently\t hired, seemed\t nice\t enough.\t But\t you\t never\t knew\t what\t someone\t was\t like,\t when\t it","came\t to\t people.\t They\t seem\t to\t be\t the\t real\t thing\u2014and\t then\t later\t turn\t out\t to\t be snakes.\tA\tdamned\tshame.","Chapter\t52 Lunch,\t as\t respite\t away\t from\t Malin\t and\t his\t girlfriend\t Gavin,\t is\t a godsend.\tPriceless.\tAm\ttired\tof\tthe\tRawhide\ttheme,\tsick\tand\ttired\tof\tthe\tother white-bread\tdork\twhistling\tthe\tThree\tStooges\tditty. I\t go\t outside,\t in\t back\t of\t the\t warehouse,\t where\t it\u2019s\t quiet,\t to\t eat\t my\t measly sandwich\tin\tpeace.\tThere\tis\tanother\tfellow\tthere,\tDusty\tR.\tFrom\tNew\tMexico. Dark-haired,\tlate\t30s.\tRecently\tmarried.\tHe\u2019s\tbeen\there\tabout\tas\tlong\tas\tI\thave, helping\tone\tof\tthe\tprinter\u2019s\tin\tthe\tback.\tDusty\tand\tI\tnever\tgot\ta\tchance\tto\tget acquainted\t until\t now.\t He\t seems\t like\t an\t all\t right\t type;\t not\t loud\t or\t obnoxious like\tsome\tof\tthe\tothers.\tSane,\tis\tthe\tword.\tSane.\tAnd\tit\u2019s\twelcome,\trefreshing. We\u2019re\table\tto\tget\talong,\thave\ta\tcivilized\tconversation. \u201cMy\t lady\u2019s\t a\t good\t woman,\u201d\t he\t tells\t me.\t \u201cComes\t from\t a\t good\t family.\t I\t got lucky.\u201d I\tliked\thearing\tit. \u201cI\t used\t to\t have\t someone,\u201dI\t tell\t him.\t \u201cYears\t ago.\t When\t I\t lived\t in\t LA.\t She wanted\t to\t date\t other\t people.\t Guys\t were\t always\t hitting\t on\t her,\t and\t it\t went\t to her\thead.\tI\thad\tto\tget\taway\tfrom\tthat\tplace.\tToo\texpensive;\tand\twhen\tit\tcomes to\twomen\t.\t.\t.\tif\tyou\taren\u2019t\trich\tand\tfamous\tthey\twant\tnothing\tto\tdo\twith\tyou. Being\tin\ta\tgood\trelationship\tis\tjust\tabout\timpossible.\tLA\twomen\tare\tnuts.\u201d We\u2019re\tboth\tpretty\tsure\tthat\twe\twon\u2019t\tlast.\tHe\u2019s\tnever\tdone\tthis\tkind\tof\twork before;\t and\t really,\t neither\t have\t I,\t with\t the\t exception\t of\t that\t brief\t stint\t up\t at that\tsmall\tprint\tshop. Break\tover.\tWe\tdon\u2019t\tlook\tforward\tto\tgoing\tback\tand\thearing\tLipworth\tsing his\t nerve-wracking\t jingles\t or\t the\t other\t ding-a-ling\t whistle\t his\t .\t .\t .\t but\t we\t got no\tchoice.","Chapter\t53 He\u2019s\tgot\tpictures\tof\this\tugly\tkid\tup\ton\tthe\tpinboard.\tCork\tis\tthe\tunlucky offspring\u2019s\t name.\t A\t morning\t did\t not\t go\t by\t that\t he\t did\t not\t talk\t about\t Cork\u2019s dowery. \u201cCork\u2019s\t got\t ten-grand\t in\t the\t bank.\t And\t Juniper\u2019s\t brother\t put\t another\t five- grand\tin\this\ttrust\tfund.\u201d I\t wanted\t to\t tune\t him\t out.\t Needed\t to.\t Desperately.\t This\t nut,\t this\t flake actually\twas\traising\ta\tchild.\tGod\thelp\tus. \u201cJuniper\t didn\u2019t\t want\t me\t to\t be\t a\t cop\t anyway.\t But\t yeah,\t that\t was\t my\t big dream.\t That\t was\t it.\t Since\t I\t was\t ten,\t living\t in\t Cicero,\t all\t I\t wanted\t was\t to\t be\t a cop.\u201d His\t family\t moved\t out\t when\t he\t was\t a\t young\t boy.\t Met\t his\t wife\t in\t church. Used\t to\t do\t bars\t \u201creal\t heavy.\u201d\t Not\t anymore.\t Hurt\t his\t shoulder.\t Was\t going\t to have\tit\toperated\ton\tshortly.\tLived\tin\tHawaii.\tGot\ttired\tof\tthe\twater. \u201cWhen\tyou\tsee\tit\tevery\tday,\twhat\tcan\tyou\tdo\twith\tit?\u201d I\tseldom\tsaid\tanything.\tListened\tto\tthis\tinane\tcrap\tfor\talmost\tthree\tgoddamn weeks.\tIt\twas\ttorture.\tI\tprayed\tthat\tI\twould\tget\tsent\tback\tto\tthe\tencoder\u2014that\tI hated\u2014but\tanything\twas\t better\tthan\thaving\tto\tlisten\tto\tthis\tpsychologically- warped\tpissant\u2019s\twhining\/groaning\tand\tmoaning. \u201cKeep\tthe\tbindery\tclean\tif\tyou\twant\tto\tget\talong\twith\tme,\u201d\the\treminded\tme. \u201cThat\u2019s\tkey.\u201d How\t about\t if\t you\t close\t your\t fucking\t mouth?\u2014I\t felt\t like\t saying.\t That\u2019s\t key with\tme. There\twas\t the\t time\t his\t wife\tcalled.\tShe\twants\thim\tto\tpick\tup\ta\tfew\tthings after\twork:\tmilk\tfor\tthe\tbaby,\tetc.,\tbread,\tetc. \u201cYes.\tUh-huh.\u201d\tThen\tI\thear\thim\twhisper\tinto\tthe\treceiver:\t\u201cI\tlove\tyou,\ttoo.\u201d Explain\tit\tto\tme.\tSome\tpoor\twench\tactually\tloves\tthis\tjerk.","Chapter\t54 \u201cCork\ttook\this\tfirst\tsteps\tover\tthe\tweekend,\u201d\tsaid\tMalin. I\t nodded.\t Man,\t I\t don\u2019t\t give\t a\t fuck\t if\t he\t ran\t a\t 26-mile\t marathon.\t I\u2019ve\t got\t this min.\twage\tjob\tI\u2019m\tsweating.\tIf\tthat\u2019s\tnot\tbad\tenough,\tI\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tlisten\tto\tyou\tyap about\tyour\tkid\twho\u2019s\tgot\ta\thead\ton\thim\tlike\tSasquatch.\tGod\thave\tmercy. I\t was\t stapling\t parking\t tickets\t together,\t putting\t covers\t on\t thousands\t upon thousands\t of\t parking\t tickets\/moving\t violation\t citations\t for\t the\t Tucson\t Police Department,\tmaybe\tforty-thousand\tbooklets,\tone\twrong\tmove,\ta\tmiscalculated slip\tof\tthe\thand\tand\tyour\tfingers\tget\tsmashed. I\t kick\t the\t pedal\t on\t the\t floor\t each\t time,\t twice\t per\t booklet,\t along\t the\t gutter, while\tthe\twhiner\tgoes\ton\tabout\this\tsimian-faced\tkid\tnamed\tCork.\tI\tdid\tmy\tbest to\ttune\tthe\tson\tof\ta\tbitch\tout,\tbut\the\twent\ton.\tNo\tending\tto\tit.\tMalin\tMoloney (rhymes\twith\tbaloney). Now\tit\u2019s\tabout\thim\tand\this\twife\tthinking\tof\tselling\ttheir\tpresent\thouse\tand buying\ta\tbigger\tplace.\tThis\tgoofball\tand\this\tspouse\twant\ta\tsecond\tchild.\tJesus Christ.\tNo\twonder\tit\u2019s\ta\tdemented\tworld.\tYou\u2019ve\tgot\tnuts\tlike\tthis\tpumping\tthem out.\tGive\tthe\tloon\tsome\tkind\tof\tsanity\ttest\tfirst\t(although\the\u2019s\tfailed\tthe\tarmy and\tthe\tpolice). \t And\t that\t other\t sissy\t Gavin\t was\t always\t leaving\t his\t AB\t Dick\t machine\t and hanging\t around\t the\t bindery\t to\t be\t with\t his\t sissy\t pal\t Malin.\t And\t the\t two\t of them\t would\t banter\t endlessly,\t back-and-forth,\t in\t those\t irritating\t effeminate voices.\t I\t mean\t you\u2019ve\t got\t two\t six-foot-three\t males\t sounding\t like\t genuine sissies,\t teasing\t one\t another\t like\t a\t couple\t of\t squeaky-sounding\t broads.\t It\t was sickening.\tIt\twent\tbeyond.\tHow\tdid\tI\tend\tup\there?\tWhat\twas\tmy\tcrime?\tHow? Why?\tHadn\u2019t\tI\tsuffered\tenough? You\tsaid\tyou\twanted\tto\tget\taway\tfrom\tcrazy\tLA.\tHere\tyou\tare,\tpal.\tLook,\tI\u2019m not\tsaying\tall\tof\tTucson\tis\tlike\tthis,\tjust\tthese\tshitheads\there.\tNot\teveryone\tin this\tplace\tis\twhacko,\tjust\tpossibly\tthese\twhite-bread\tpissants\tright\there.","First\t the\t one\t (Malin)\t would\t say\t something\t inane,\t maybe\t curse\t like\t a\t girl, then\t the\t other\t would\t giggle,\t then\t utter\t something\t just\t as\t pathetic,\t or\t worse. Goddamn,\t it\t was\t torture.\t No\t escape.\t Nowhere\t to\t run.\t I\t was\t stuck\t in\t the shipping\tarea.\tThere\twould\tbe\tno\trespite\tuntil\teither\tGavin\tleft\ton\this\town,\tor was\tscared\toff\tby\tthe\tsuper\tnamed\tJesse-Butch\t\u201cGood\tol\u2019\tBoy\u201d\tLipworth. \t \u201cRollin\u2019\t rollin\u2019\t rollin\u2019,\u201d\t sang\t Lipworth.\t His\t idea\t of\t keeping\t a\t \u201cpositive attitude.\u201d\t And\t then\t his\t white-haired\/stern-looking\t redneck\t wife\t shows\t up\t at the\tloading\tdock\tto\tvisit\tfor\tsome\treason.\tHe\twasn\u2019t\tmaking\tmuch\tnoise\tthen. Pussy-whipped\tbig\tmouth\tdidn\u2019t\tdare\topen\this\tyap\taround\ther.","Chapter\t55 I\u2019m\t in\t shipping,\t sealing\t boxes.\t It\u2019s\t quiet\t for\t a\t change.\t Malin\t isn\u2019t\t talking about\this\tkid\tor\this\tshattered\tdream\tof\tbecoming\ta\tcop. The\tpunk\tnamed\tGavin\tsticks\this\thead\tin.\tTells\tme\tto\tgo\twith\thim.\tI\tfollow him\tout\tto\tthe\tAB\tDick\toffset\tpress.\tHe\twas\ttold\tto\tshow\tme\ta\tfew\tpointers.\tHe picks\tup\ta\tdropper. \u201cYou\tuse\tthis\tsolution,\tthen\tyou\tpour\ton\tthe\twater\tsolution,\tfrom\tone\tend\tof the\troller\tto\tthe\tother.\tThen\tyou\tuse\tthe\tdropper\tto\tsuck\tit\tup.\u201d I\twas\ttempted,\tso\ttempted:\tHow\tabout\tif\tyou\tsuck\tmy\tdick\tinstead,\tbitch? He\t tells\t me\t he\t likes\t to\t keep\t his\t work\t area\/table\t \u201cneat\t and\t clean.\u201d\t So\t this guy\u2019s\t like\t the\t Malin\t Maloney\t character\t in\t bindery.\t It\u2019s\t fag\t behavior,\t not\t that there\u2019s\t anything\t the\t matter\t with\t it\t (if\t you\t like\t it,\t if\t this\t is\t the\t way\t you\t are), only\tit\tirks\tme\tbecause\tthese\tare\tthe\tvery\tsame\tclass\tA-1\tdorks\twho\tare\talways ready\tto\tpoint\tthe\tfinger\tat\tyou\t(for\twhatever\treason:\tbe\tit\tgel\tin\tyour\thair;\tbe it\tsomething;\tbe\tit\tANYTHING),\tthe\tway\tyou\ttalk\/walk\/blow\tyour\tnose. So\t now,\t I\u2019ve\t got\t this\t latent\t homo\t showing\t me\t how\t to\t use\t this\t press\t and there\t is\t nowhere\t to\t go.\t This\t is\t where\t good\t ol\u2019\t boy\t Jesse-Butch\t Lipworth\t has put\t me\t (for\t the\t sake\t of\t \u201cversatility\u201d),\t only\t I\t doubt\t I\u2019ll\t be\t sticking\t around\t long enough:\tYou\u2019ve\tgot\tpersonalities\tand\tattitudes. \t The\tlesson\tover,\tam\tsent\tback\tto\tthe\tother\tsix-foot-three\twuss. \u201cI\t worked\t the\t presses\t over\t at\t Arizona\t Printing,\u201d\t said\t Malin.\t \u201cDidn\u2019t\t like\t it, didn\u2019t\t like\t getting\t dirty.\t Didn\u2019t\t like\t coming\t home\t after\t work\t with\t all\t that grease\ton\tme.\u201d They\tall\tsound\tlike\tpunks,\tthese\tso-called\tmarried\tmen\twho\tare\talways\tquick and\t eager\t to\t point\t the\t finger\t at\t someone\t else,\t always\t preoccupied\t with someone\telse\u2019s\tsexual\tleanings. Hey,\t mothers,\t if\t I\t were\t queer,\t I\u2019d\t announce\t it\t to\t the\t fucking\t world.\t I wouldn\u2019t\t be\t sneaky\t about\t it,\t I\t wouldn\u2019t\t be\t hiding\t it.\t But\t since\t I\t prefer\t pussy","(and\tthe\tfemale\tculo),\tthat\u2019s\tmy\town\tparticular\ttrap,\tmy\tdilemma,\tbecause\tmost women\taren\u2019t\tworth\tthe\tgoddamn\ttrouble.\tBut\tyes,\tI\tstill\tprefer\tbeaver\tto\tpipe. Get\tit,\tpissants? You\tgot\tthe\tfeeling\tsomehow\tthat\tthese\tpussies\tgot\tmarried\tin\torder\tto\tflash that\t wedding\t band,\t therefore\t \u201cproving\u201d\t to\t the\t world\t that\t they\t indeed\t were men\/heterosexual\t in\t every\t way,\t as\t opposed\t to\t what\t they\t truly\t were:\t latent homo\tpussies\tin\tdenial. And\tyou\tknow\tsomething?\tNone\tof\tthis\teven\tinterests\tme,\tbut\tthe\thypocrisy does\trile.\tEvil\tKnievel\twas\tright\tthat\ttime\tfor\tbeating\tan\tasshole\twith\ta\tball\tbat for\t calling\t him\t a\t fag.\t I\t say:\t Right\t on,\t brother!\t Certain\t label-slingers\/finger- pointers\tdeserve\tevery\tbeating\tthey\tget.","Chapter\t56 Malin\t is\t running\t his\t mouth\/bad-mouthing\t the\t owner\t this\t time; boasting\t how\t he\t likes\t to\t tell\t Jens\t off.\t This\t creepo\t is\t sick.\t All\t there\t is\t to\t it. Jens,\t far\t as\t I\t could\t tell,\t had\t more\t heart\t and\t class\t in\t his\t little\t pinky\t than\t Malin had\tin\this\tentire\tbody.\tBut\tthere\the\twas,\tmouthing\toff,\ttalking\tshit.\tPar\tfor\tthe course. I\t hated\t being\t a\t party\t to\t it\t and\t wished\t I\t could\u2019ve\t walked\t away.\t I\t wanted\t to tell\thim\tto\tjust\tshove\ta\tsock\tin\tit,\tonly\tI\tcouldn\u2019t.\tI\twas\tstuck.\tIt\twas\tthen\u2014and the\ttiming\tcould\tnot\thave\tbeen\tbetter\u2014that\tJens\tstepped\tthrough\tthe\tdoor. I\tcould\tnot\thelp\tit,\tsaid\tto\tthe\tback-stabbing\tblowhard: \u201cThere\the\tis.\u201d\tIn\tother\twords:\tYou\ttalk\tbig,\ta-hole.\tHere\u2019s\tthe\tboss.\tGo\tahead, tell\t him\t off.\t Tell\t him\t what\t you\t think.\t Here\u2019s\t your\t chance.\t Only\t Malin\u2019s\t face turned\t beet\t red,\t the\t cowardly\t little\t twit,\t the\t prig.\t He\t had\t nothing\t to\t say.\t Big mouth\tfor\ta\ttwat. \u201cHow\tdo\tyou\tlike\tworking\twith\tMalin\there?\u201d\tJens\tasked. For\tlack\tof\tanything\tbetter,\ton\tsuch\tshort\tnotice,\tI\tsaid: \u201cMalin\u2019s\tgot\tsome\tsense\tof\thumor.\u201d Had\tme\ton\tthe\tspot.\tCould\thave\tbeen\tworse.\tBut\tI\tliked\tJens,\thad\tstarted\tthe business\t up\t from\t scratch.\t A\t lot\t on\t his\t mind.\t Took\t a\t chance\t on\t me,\t and\t I genuinely\t felt\t regret\t (that\t maybe\t I\t had\t somehow\t let\t him\t down).\t But\t my problem\t had\t nothing\t to\t do\t with\t him.\t It\t came\t down\t to\t that\t redneck\t Lipworth and\tthe\t two\tpunks\tGavin\tand\tMalin;\tMutt\tand\tJeff.\tAlways\tplaying\tgrab-ass; homos-in-the-making.\t The\t sissies\t had\t wedding\t bands\t on\t their\t fingers;\t Malin an\t earring\t in\t his\t left\t ear.\t What\t did\t that\t tell\t you?\t Couldn\u2019t\t recall\t if\t Gavin\t had one\tin\this\u2014and\tif\the\tdidn\u2019t,\the\tshould\thave.\tIt\twould\u2019ve\tbeen\tso\tappropriate.\tIn LA\tonly\tgays\twore\tan\tearring\tin\tthe\tleft\tear. \t Stuck\tin\thell.\tStuck.\tNo\tway\tout.\tFor\tfive-bucks-an-hour.\tIn\t1997,\tamigo.\t1997. In\tTucson,\tAZ.\tRight-to-work-state,\tthey\tcall\tit.\tExcuse\tme\twhile\tI\tpuke.\tRight-","to-slave-labor,\twas\tmore\tlike\tit.\tPathetic.\tAnd\theartless. Jens\t had\t nodded,\t smiled\t that\t smile,\t and\t stepped\t back\t out.\t I\t knew\t Malin would\tget\tback\tat\tme\tfor\tthe\tquip.\tI\tjust\tdidn\u2019t\texpect\tit\tto\tbe\tas\tsevere\tin\ttone.","Chapter\t57 I\t thought\t maybe\t I\t ought\t to\t at\t least\t make\t an\t effort\t to\t get\t on\t his\t good side,\t try\t to\t \u201cmake\t amends\u201d\t by\t talking\t a\t bit.\t Lipworth\t always\t singing\t the goddamn\t Rawhide\t theme\t had\t reminded\t me\t of\t the\t redneck\t bar\t scene\t from\t the Blues\tBrothers\tmovie.\tBand\twas\tinto\ta\tblues\ttune\tin\tthis\tgritty\/sawdust-on-the- floor\/country-western\t venue.\t Half-drunk\t and\t rowdy,\t the\t rednecks\u2014not wanting\tanything\tto\tdo\twith\tthe\tblues\tnumber\u2014start\tpitching\tbeer\tbottles\tand whatnot\tat\tthe\tchickenwire\t(that\tthe\tband\twas\ton\tthe\tother\tside\tof)\tand\tdon\u2019t stop\tuntil\tBelushi\t&\tCo.\tdrop\tthe\tR\t&\tB\tfor\t\u201c.\t.\t.\trollin\u2019\trollin\u2019\trollin\u2019\t.\t.\t.\tget\tthem doggies\trollin\u2019\t.\t.\t.\u201d I\t remembered\t the\t bit\t as\t being\t not\t only\t amusing\t enough\t and\t just\t about perfect\t enough\t to\t bring\t up\t (for\t obvious\t reasons),\t as\t well\t as\t felt\t that\t it\t had terrific\t potential\t as\t icebreaker.\t Only\t I\t hardly\t get\t the\t words\t \u201credneck\t bar\u201d\t out before\tthe\tdisturbed\tmother,\tMalin\u2014in\tthis\tclearly\tsuperficial\tattempt\tto\tstand up\tfor\tLipworth\u2014snaps:\t\u201cWhat\u2019re\tyou\tgot\tagainst\trednecks?\tI\u2019m\ta\tredneck.\u201d Like\thell\tyou\tare,\tI\tthought.\tIt\tdid\tstun\tme.\tI\tcould\thave\tresponded\t(and\tI\thad plenty\t to\t respond\t with),\t only\t there\t was\t no\t way\t he\t would\t have\t stood\t for\t it. This\t was\t one\t demented\t jerk\t who\t was\t paying\t me\t back\t for\t a\t slight\t that\t never happened,\tnot\tthe\tway\the\tsaw\tit. What\tdid\tI\ttruly\thave\tagainst\trednecks?\tFor\tstarters\u2014plenty.\tGetting\tpunched in\tthe\tbreadbasket\tand\thaving\tthe\twind\tknocked\tout\tof\tme\tby\tthe\tredneck\tDI in\t Basic\t for\t no\t reason\t other\t than\t the\t fact\t I\t had\t enlisted,\t or\t maybe\t he\t hadn\u2019t cared\tfor\tmy\tname\tor\tlooks,\twho\tknew? Southerners\thated\tanyone\tfrom\tthe\tNorth.\tThat\u2019s\tthe\tway\tit\twas\tback\tthen. Sorry\tpukes.\tHarassed\tby\tthe\tother\tredneck\tdrill\tinstructor\tnamed\tW.\tand\tthe rest\t of\t those\t redneck\t recruits.\t And\t then\t there\t was\t \u2018Nam:\t the\t name\t calling (\u201cnigger-\t lover\u201d),\t because\t I\t had\t friends\t who\t were\t African-American;\t but\t then I\u2019d\thad\tfriends\twho\twere\tHispanic\/Asian,\tthroughout\tmy\tlife,\tdidn\u2019t\tmatter;\twe weren\u2019t\traised\tby\tbigots.\tYes,\tour\tfolks\twere\tflawed\tin\tother\tways,\tbelieve\tme,","but\t there\t was\t no\t animosity\t towards\t anyone\t because\t of\t their\t ethnicity\t or\t skin color;\tit\tjust\tdidn\u2019t\texist\tin\tour\tfamily. Like\tI\tsaid,\twe\thad\tother\tproblems,\tlike\tall\tfamilies,\tbut\tracism\twas\tnot\tone of\t them.\t My\t own\t father,\t who\t brutalized\t me\t for\t thirteen-years,\t had\t a\t habit\t of saying,\twhen\tit\tcame\tto\tpeople:\t\u201cYou\thave\tgood\tand\tbad\tin\tevery\tgroup.\u201d And\tthere\tyou\thave\tit. \u201cFaggot\u201d\tis\tthe\tother\tlabel\trednecks\tare\tin\tlove\twith.\tBecause\tcarrying\tsixty- pounds\t on\t my\t back\t in\t the\t boonies\t of\t \u2018Nam,\t which\t is\t what\t the\t rucksack\t at times\tweighed\tthat\tcaused\tpain\tin\tmy\ttesticles\t(having\thurt\tmyself\twhile\tdoing squats\t at\t the\t Ravenswood\t YMCA\t back\t home\t in\t Chicago),\t and\t having\t gone\t in to\tsee\tthe\tmedic\tabout\tit\twhile\twe\twere\tin\tthe\trear,\testablished\tsafe\tzone\/base camp,\thoping\tto\tget\ta\tjockstrap\tor\tjockey\tunderwear\tbecause\tI\twas\tin\tdire\tneed of\tsupport\tdown\tthere\u2014unfortunately\tall\tthe\tarmy\twould\tprovide\twas\tboxers, which\t were\t of\t no\t help\t to\t me\t at\t all\u2014and\t the\t flakey\/inexperienced\t jerk somehow\t got\t the\t idea\t that\t I\t was\t in\t there\t because\t I\t wanted\t to\t be\t fondled\t by him. I\t mean,\t this\t is\t sick\t shit,\t and\t spread\t the\t rumor\u2014so\t when\t I\t got\t back\t to\t the barracks\tthe\tredneck\tcocksuckers\tbadgered\tme\tabout\tit,\tand\twere\tready\tto\tbeat the\t daylights\t out\t of\t me,\t if\t the\t supply\t sergeant\t in\t charge\t hadn\u2019t\t put\t his\t foot down\t and\t ordered\t them\t to\t knock\t it\t off,\t that\t it\t was\t enough,\t and\t the\t spineless farm\t animal-molesting\t hicks\t clammed\t up.\t Sorry\t sacks\t of\t Southern\t Fried\t pig waste. To\t add\t hurt\t on\t top\t of\t hurt,\t I\t was\t heartbroken\t over\t my\t best\t friend\t Gunter back\thome\tin\tthe\tWindy\tCity\tbanging\tmy\tgirl\tLil.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\thave\ta\tsweetheart\tto write\tto,\tlike\tso\tmany\tof\tthe\tguys.\tAnd\tyou\tdidn\u2019t\tdiscuss\tthis\tkind\tof\tpersonal shit\t with\t people,\t not\t that\t I\t had\t wanted\t to.\t Back\t then\t you\t kept\t matters\t of\t the heart\tto\tyourself.\tIt\twas\tthe\t\u201cmanly\u201d\tthing\tto\tdo.\tYep.\tSure. My\t best\t pal\t had\t moved\t in\t on\t her\t while\t I\t was\t away\t in\t Basic\t and\t AIT;\t was laying\t pipe\t to\t this\t girl\t I\t had\t fallen\t for,\t even\t had\t the\t audacity\t to\t ask\t for\t my approval\twhile\tI\twas\thome\ton\tleave\t(before\tbeing\tsent\tto\tthe\tboonies\tof\t\u2018Nam). I\t was\t dealing\t with\t this,\t while\t at\t the\t same\t time\t coping\t with\t the\t pain\t in\t my testicles\tthat\thad\tbeen\texacerbated\tby\tthe\theavy\tgoddamn\truck\tI\thad\tto\tlug\ton my\t back\t throughout\t all\t the\t jungle\t humping\t during\t my\t year-long\t tour\t of\t that godforsaken\thellhole.","Fucking\tlife\tcame\tat\tyou\tfrom\tall\tsides.\tFrom\tthe\tcradle\tto\tthe\thumping\tgrave. Psychologically\t defective\t parents,\t backstabbing\t pals,\t white-trash\t humans\t to serve\t with\t while\t in\t Uncle\t Sam\u2019s\t \u201cwonderful\u201d\t army;\t meeting\t my\t share\t of ballbusters\tand\thaving\tmy\theart\tshredded\tby\tsame. Hey,\t was\t life\t always\t this\t much\t fun?\t No,\t because\t I\u2019d\t met\t and\t known\t a\t few terrific\tpeeps\talong\tthe\tway,\ttoo.\tBut\tI\tgotta\ttell\tyou,\tsome\tof\tthis\tnegative\tcrap can\t be\t so\t intense\t and\t goes\t so\t deep\t that\t it\t just\t sticks\t with\t you\t more\t than\t the other. I\tmade\tit.\tGot\tthrough\tVietnam.\tSupposedly\tintact.\tOn\tthe\tsurface.\t Had\tmy problems,\tfor\tsure,\tbut\tthey\tweren\u2019t\treadily\tvisible.\tLike\tso\tmany\tof\tthose\twho did\t time\t over\t there.\t Did\t my\t best\t to\t deal\t with\t the\t deadness\t inside.\t This\t was how\t I\t endured\t and\t defeated\t the\t fear\t the\t entire\t time\t I\u2019d\t been\t stuck\t in\t the jungle.\t Don\u2019t\t give\t a\t damn.\t Go\t through\t it\t like\t it\t don\u2019t\t mean\t shit.\t Death\t or\t life. So\twhat?\tIt\twas\tthe\tonly\tway.\tEither\tthat,\tor\tyou\tlost\tyour\tmind.\tWhat\tkid\tof\t18 or\t 19\t wants\t to\t think\t about\t dying?\t What\t kid\t of\t 18\t or\t 19,\t who\t hadn\u2019t\t lived\t or done\t anything\t yet\u2014wants\t to\t be\t stuck\t on\t \u201cDeath\t Row\u201d\t while\t awaiting\t (the never\tstated)\tday\tof\texecution.\tThis\tis\twhat\tbeing\tin\ta\tWar\tZone\twas\tlike.\tBut\tI got\tthrough\tit,\tlike\tI\tsaid. Back\tin\tthe\tStates,\tat\ta\tbase\tin\tthe\tMidwest,\tthere\twas\tmore\tof\tthe\tsame\tby moronic\twhite\ttrash\twho\tabsolutely\thated\tpeople\tof\tcolor\u2014and\tgod\thelp\tyou\tif you\t treated\t these\t peeps\t of\t color\t as\t human\t beings\t and\t with\t respect.\t Because then,\taccording\tto\tthe\tbigoted\tgutter\tcretins,\tyou\twere\tfar\tworse.\tGet\tit?\tI\tnever got\tit\tor\tunderstood\tit. Can\u2019t\t seem\t to\t get\t away\t from\t the\t rednecks.\t Everywhere\t you\t go.\t There\t they are.\t And\t there\t were\t enough,\t I\t supposed,\t working\t as\t cabbies\t at\t the\t Eager Beaver\tCab\tCo.\tin\tLA\tas\twell. \t What\t did\t I\t have\t against\t rednecks?\t Should\t I\t go\t into\t it\t the\t way\t I\t would\t like with\tthis\tsorry\tsack-of-waste\tnamed\tMalin?\tConsidered\tit.\tI\tneeded\tthe\tmeasly low-wage\t job,\t so\t I\t didn\u2019t.\t You\t take\t the\t crap.\t You\t take\t it.\t It\t never\t ends. Everywhere\t you\t go.\t The\t assholes\/peckerwoods\/knuckle-draggers\t and miscreants.\t No\t class,\t no\t brains\u2014white-bread\t gutter\t trash.\t They\t got\t them\t in certain\t parts\t of\t Europe,\t got\t them\t throughout\t the\t South\/Midwest\/parts\t of California,\tand\tnow\there\tin\tTucson.","Instead,\tI\tsay\tcalmly\tto\tthe\tmisguided\tmook: \u201cLook,\t I\t like\t Merle\t Haggard,\t for\t what\t it\u2019s\t worth.\t I\t like\t Trisha Yearwood\/Waylon\t Jennings\/Patsy\t Cline\/Brenda\t Lee\/Johnny\t Cash\/Hank Williams.\t.\t.\t.\u201d He\tignores\tthis.\tIs\tnot\tabout\tto\trespond,\tor\twould\teven\tknow\thow.\tHe\u2019s\tnot being\t genuine\t and\t is\t not\t able.\t That\u2019s\t exactly\t what\t is\t happening\t here.\t He\t was not\t\u201cstanding\tup\tfor\/defending\u201d\tJesse-Butch\tLipworth,\the\twas\tpaying\tme\tback for\t that\t quip\t from\t the\t other\t day\t when\t Jens\t had\t unexpectedly\t entered\t the bindery\t and\t Malin\u2014yes,\t Malin\u2014had\t embarrassed\t himself\t and\t stepped\t on\t his own\tdick\twith\tthat\tbig\tmouth\tof\this. \t Forget\tit.\tYou\u2019re\tdealing\twith\ta\thalfwit.\tI\tfelt\tlike\tsaying:\tYou\tmoron,\tI\twasn\u2019t knocking\t Southerners\t per\t se,\t as\t I\u2019ve\t got\t some\t close\t friends\t who\t are\t from\t the South.\t \u201cRedneck\u201d\t is\t a\t figure\t of\t speech,\t a\t term\t that\t describes\t xenophobic asshole\tbigots\twho\tare\thateful\ttowards\tanyone\twho\tis\tnot\twhite\tand\tnot\tfrom the\t South.\t My\t brother-in-law,\t who\t is\t one\t of\t the\t most\t capable\t and\t intelligent people\t I\t have\t ever\t met\t and\t I\t think\t the\t world\t of,\t is\t from\t the\t South,\t so\t is\t his mother.\t One\t of\t my\t best\t friends\u2014Chubby\t Elston;\t yes,\t the\t very\t same\t who starred\tin\tthe\tBloodsucking\tGeeks\tflick\u2014is\tfrom\tOhio;\ttwo\tothers\tlive\tin\tKY,\tetc. What\u2019s\t the\t point?\t You\u2019re\t dealing\t with\t a\t low-IQ\t buffoon.\t What\t had\t I\t walked into?\tSome\tkind\tof\tcliquish\tviper\tpit?\tDecent\ton\tthe\tsurface,\tbut\trotten\tinside? Is\t this\t it?\t What\u2019s\t happening\t to\t the\t world\t we\t live\t in?\t No\t peace\t of\t mind\t to\t be had\tno\tmatter\twhere\tyou\tgo. What\t do\t I\t have\t against\t rednecks?\t A\t better\t question\t would\t be:\t What\t don\u2019t\t I have\tagainst\tthem? What\tam\tI\tdoing\tputting\tup\twith\tthis\tfor\tfive\tbucks\tan\thour?\tAm\tI\tstuck\tin another\t trap\t here\t in\t the\t Old\t Pueblo?\t More\t crap\t from\t my\t defective\t fellow humans?\t Is\t that\t it?\t What\u2019s\t the\t answer?\t Should\t I\t have\t moved\t to\t Australia? That\t had\t been\t the\t notion\t throughout\t the\t \u201880s\t (while\t earning\t a\t living\t as\t a cabbie),\t and\t meeting\t and\t getting\t to\t know\t so\t many\t terrific\t Aussies\t who happened\tto\tbe\tvisiting\tLA\tat\tthe\ttime.\tWas\tlife\teasier\t\u201cDown\tUnder\u201d?\tPeople saner?\t You\t hoped.\t I\t suspected\t the\t country\t had\t its\t share\t of\t deficits,\t like\t any other\t place,\t but\t you\t could\t not\t help\t but\t wonder\t if\t life\t was\t less\t stressful\t and","love\t(not\tonly\teasier\tto\tfind),\tbut\tpossible\tto\thold\ton\tto.\tLike\tI\tsaid:\tyou\twanted to\tbelieve\ta\thaven\tlike\tthat\texisted\tsomewhere. \t Hey,\t Jens,\t should\t you\t happen\t to\t be\t reading\t this:\t I\t meant\t what\t I\t said\t about you\t having\t real\t class,\t about\t liking\t you\t as\t a\t person.\t But\t you\u2019ve\t got\t to understand:\t You\u2019ve\t got\t some\t real\t pernicious\t turnips\t working\t for\t you\t back there.\tI\tdo\tget\tit:\tYou\tkeep\tthem\ton\tbecause\tthey\tget\tthe\tjob\tdone\t(somehow), and\t it\u2019s\t a\t bitch\t to\t have\t to\t hire\t and\t train\t new\t people,\t even\t though\t you\t could train\ta\tfucking\tinebriated\tmonkey\tto\tdo\tthat\tshit.","Chapter\t58 Am\tgetting\tinto\tmy\tapron\tFriday\tmorning\tand\tRutley,\twho\tis\ta\tMason, is\t drinking\t from\t his\t usual\t huge\t jug\t of\t Mountain\t Dew\t and\t eating\t a Payday\t candy\t bar.\t This\t was\t the\t shaved\t head\t I\t was\t initially\t convinced\t had character,\tsome\tclass.\t(Win\ta\tfew\/lose\ta\tfew.)\tTells\tme\the\u2019s\tleaving\tearly\ttoday. \u201cDon\u2019t\tlook\tso\tsad,\u201d\tI\tkid\thim. \u201cI\u2019d\trather\tbe\tretired,\u201d\the\tsays. \t Since\tno\tone\thas\tsuggested\tdifferent,\tI\tenter\tthe\tbindery.\tDread\tgoing\tin,\tbut do\tso.\tAm\thoping\tthe\tnut\twill\tstay\toff\tmy\tback\tso\tlong\tas\tI\tkeep\tto\tmyself,\tdo my\twork,\tkeep\tquiet.\tAm\tusing\tthe\tcutter,\ttrimming\tstacks\tof\tforms.\tGetting\tit done.\tSo\tfar\tso\tgood.\tTiny\tbits\tof\tpaper\tand\tspaghetti-like\tthin\tstrips\tare\ton\tthe floor\tas\ta\tresult\t(that\tI\thaven\u2019t\thad\ta\tchance\tto\tsweep\tup).\tIt\tis\tnothing\tcrucial, I\tfigure,\tnothing\tthat\tanyone\twould\tget\tworked\tup\tabout,\tanyone,\tthat\tis,\tbut\ta mentally-ill\tcocksucker\tnamed\tMalin\tMaloney. \u201cThis\tpisses\t me\t off!\u201d\t He\u2019s\t pointing\t a\t finger\t at\t the\t floor.\t \u201cMessy\t work\t area pisses\tme\toff.\u201d I\trespond\tby\tnot\tsaying\tanything.\tGrab\ta\tbroom\tand\tsweep\tup.\tDidn\u2019t\tmatter much,\tbecause\ta\twhile\tlater\tthere\twas\tsomething\telse\tthat\t\u201cpissed\u201d\tthis\tasshole off.\tFact\twas,\tthere\twas\tvery\tlittle\tthat\tdidn\u2019t\tpiss\thim\toff.\tAnd\teach\tand\tevery time\the\thad\tto\tannounce\tit\tto\tthe\tworld\tlike\ta\tmoping,\tspoiled\tbrat: \u201cTHAT\tPISSES\tME\tOFF!\u201d Where\tdo\tthese\ttwats\tcome\tfrom?\tDeliver\tme\tfrom\tthese\tnitwits\tsomebody, please.\t Endure\t a\t childhood\t as\t your\t short-tempered\t father\u2019s\t favorite\t punching bag,\t live\t through\t a\t war\t in\t the\t jungles\t of\t South-East\t Asia\t while\t still\t in\t your teens,\tsurvive\ta\tloveless\texistence\tand\tyears\tof\tstruggle\tin\tfurnished\trooms\tin\ta dog-eat-dog\/maddening\t hellhole\t like\t LA\t without\t any\t kind\t of\t support\u2014and then\t come\t and\t tell\t me,\t after\t you\t have\t earned\t it\t and\t paid\t heavy\t dues\u2014AND\t I","MEAN\t PAID\t SOME\tSERIOUS\t FUCKING\t DUES,\t what\t \u201cbothers\t and\/or\t pisses\t you off,\u201d\tpunk! \t But\tI\tsay\tnothing\/go\tabout\tmy\tbusiness\/do\tmy\twork.\tEven\tso,\tfeel\tin\tmy\tgut that\tmy\ttime\tin\tbindery\tis\tdwindling.\tThere\tis\tno\tway\tthe\tdolt\tand\tI\tare\tgoing to\t even\t come\t close\t to\t ever\t reaching\t some\t kind\t of\t rapport.\t I\t can\u2019t\t stand\t the sight\tof\tthe\tneurotic\tgasbag.\tStill,\tand\tstill,\tI\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tendure,\ttake\tit;\tkeep\tmy head\tto\tthe\tgrindstone\tand\tendure. \t He\u2019s\tstaying\tquiet\tin\this\tarea\tof\tthe\troom\tdoing\this\twork,\twhile\tI\tdo\tmine\tat the\t stapler,\t and\t things\t seem\t to\t go\t relatively\t okay\t the\t rest\t of\t the\t morning.\t At noon\tI\teat\tmy\tbaloney\tsandwich\tand\tapple\toutside.\tReturn\tto\twork\ta\thalf\thour later,\tand\tthe\thumming\tsuper,\tLipworth,\tputs\tme\ton\tthe\tencoder. That\u2019s\twhen\tthe\treal\ttrouble\tbegan.\tThat\tgoddamn\tmachine\tis\ta\tpain\tin\tthe ass,\tI\tdon\u2019t\tmind\ttelling\tyou.\tThe\tslightest\tthing\tthrows\tit\toff\tand\tyou\u2019re\tback to\t zero,\t like\t some\t kind\t of\t Chinese\t torture\t test.\t It\u2019s\t agony.\t Spent\t the\t entire afternoon\tsetting\tand\tre-setting\tthe\tdamned\tthing.\tRutley\thad\tleft\tby\tthen,\tand so\tit\twas\tdown\tto\tthe\tsuper\tand\tme\ttrying\tto\tfigure\tthe\tthing\tout.\tAnd\the\tcan\u2019t run\tit,\teither.\tIn\tfact,\tI\tknow\tmore\tabout\tit\tthan\tLipworth. \t It\u2019s\t obvious\t enough:\t this\t is\t primarily\t what\t I\t was\t hired\t for,\t and\t if\t I\t can\u2019t handle\tthe\tencoder\tI\u2019m\tout.\tDid\thave\ta\tfriendly\tchat\twith\tLipworth\tas\tI\trelated this\tto\thim.\tHe\u2019d\tappeared\twith\this\tusual:\t\u201cHow\u2019s\tit\tgoing,\tFlash?\u201d Calling\tme\t\u201cFlash\u201d\twas\tnothing\tmore\tthan\tthis\tguy\u2019s\tway\tof\trubbing\tit\tin.\tSo be\tit.\tI\tlet\tit\twash\tover,\tand\ttouched\ton\tbeing\taware\twhy\tI\twas\thired.\tLipworth had\tnodded. \u201cThat\u2019s\tright.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\t a\t hard\t worker.\t I\t did\t fine\t in\t shipping.\t I\t realize\t what\t I\u2019m\t here\t for\t and\t I wouldn\u2019t\t want\t to\t accept\t money\t for\t work\t not\t done.\t I\u2019m\t no\t slacker,\t but\t that machine\tis\ta\tpain.\u201d I\t was\t pretty\t sure\t I\u2019d\t botched\t it\t with\t Malin,\t and\t the\t encoder\t was\t my\t last chance.\t Again,\t the\t man\t is\t a\t retired\t light\t colonel,\t Air\t Force.\t Former\t military. Gotta\t respect\t that.\t Trouble\t is\t the\t afternoon\t slipped\t away\t way\t too\t soon\t and I\u2019ve\tgot\tzero\tprogress\tto\tshow.\tWhen\the\tre-appeared\tlater,\tI\tgot:","\u201cWell,\twe\u2019ll\tgive\tit\tanother\ttry\ton\tMonday.\u201d And\t I\u2019m\t thinking:\t am\t not\t so\t sure\t I\t even\t want\t to\t come\t back.\t I\u2019ve\t had\t enough, too\t much\u2014for\t five-dollars-an-hour.\t There\u2019s\t too\t much\t pressure\t here\t at\t these wages.\tLife\tis\tshort. \t The\t old\t bike\t was\t down,\t sprocket\t trouble,\t and\t Bro\t picked\t me\t up.\t I\u2019d\t related the\tsituation\tto\thim.\tHe\tgot\tit.\tDidn\u2019t\tsay\tmuch.\tSo\tnow\twhat?\tThe\tway\tI\tfeel: I\u2019d\trather\tbe\twashing\tdishes\t(a\tlot\tless\ttaxing\ton\tthe\tpsyche).\tIf\tit\u2019s\tgoing\tto\tbe minimum\twage\tanyway,\tmight\tas\twell\tsave\tthe\tbrain\tpower\tfor\tthe\twriting.","Chapter\t59 Here\tit\tis\tSaturday.\tHit\tthe\tsack\tearly\t(due\tto\texhaustion),\tand\tthen\twoke\tup about\tthirty\tminutes\tago.\tI\tlook\tat\tthe\tclock.\tIt\u2019s\t2\ta.m.\tToo\tmuch\ton\tmy\tmind. Can\u2019t\tsleep.\tLooks\tlike\tI\u2019ll\tget\tfired\t(if\tI\tdon\u2019t\tquit\tfirst). \t And\t that\u2019s\t how\t I\t feel.\t Why\t I\t woke\t up\t in\t the\t middle\t of\t the\t night\t thinking about\tit\tall.\tWeighed\theavily\ton\tmy\tmind.\tI\tshouldn\u2019t\thave\tto\tgo\tthrough\tthis kind\tof\tshit\tat\tmy\tage,\tafter\tall\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\tthrough.\tHadn\u2019t\tI\tpaid\tenough?\tOnly there\tis\tnever\tany\tend\tto\tthe\tdues.\tIt\tjust\tgoes\ton.\tYou\tpay\tand\tyou\tpay\u2014and there\tis\talways\tsomeone\telse\tthere\tto\tmake\tsure\tyou\tpay\tsome\tmore. \t I\t did\t get\t to\t know\t a\t number\t of\t decent\t people,\t friendships\t were\t developing. There\t was\t Dusty,\t the\t recently\t married\t dude\t from\t New\t Mexico.\t There\t was Terrill,\t 54,\t (marketing\t director\t at\t the\t label\t company\t that\t was\t also\t owned\t by Jens),\twho\tliked\tto\trefer\tto\tme\tas\t\u201cSgt.\tCash.\u201d\tHad\teven\thanded\tme\ta\tcigar\t(as\ta way\t of\t celebrating\t the\t birth\t of\t his\t son).\t He\u2019d\t grinned\t that\t big\t grin\t while proudly\tflashing\this\tinfant\tson\u2019s\tpicture.\tHell,\twho\tcould\tblame\thim?\tIt\twas\ta celebration\tof\tlife;\tit\twas\talso\ta\treminder\tthat\tI\tstill\thad\tsome\tkind\tof\tchance,\tif I\t could\t only\t get\t my\t act\t together,\t put\t a\t few\t bucks\t in\t the\t bank;\t find\t a\t job\t that made\tit\tpossible. I\u2019ll\twash\tdishes.\tDo\twhat\tit\ttakes.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tquit\ton\tTucson\tthis\tsoon.\tCan\u2019t\tgo back\tto\tLA\/wouldn\u2019t\twant\tto.\tWhat\twould\tI\tdo\tthere,\tanyway?\tYes,\tthe\tVenice boardwalk\t was\t nice\t enough,\t but\t when\t you\t can\u2019t\t even\t afford\t to\t leave\t work long\tenough\tto\tgo\tto\tthe\tboardwalk,\twhat\tgood\tis\tit?\tAnd\tthen\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tthe crowding\tand\tearthquakes,\ttraffic\tjams.\tWould\tI\twant\tto\treturn\tto\tthat?\tI\tdon\u2019t think\tso.","Chapter\t60 Thinking\tof\tgoing\tto\tK-Mart\twith\tBro\ttomorrow\tto\tbuy\ta\tnew\tbike.\tGot a\t sale\t on.\t I\t can\t pick\t up\t a\t bike\t for\t eighty\t bucks,\t plus\t tax.\t No\t way\t around\t it. Need\twheels.\tI\tlike\tbiking\tit.\tNo\tproblem\twith\tthat\tat\tall.\tGot\tto\tstart\tthinking about\tfinding\tanother\tjob\u2014just\twhen\tI\tthought\tI\twas\tset.\tThis\tis\tthe\tway\tit\tis. You\tspend\tquarter\tof\ta\tcentury\tworking\tshit-jobs\tto\tsubsidize\tthe\twriting\u2014and people\t still\t can\u2019t\t wait\t to\t hand\t you\t some\t dead-end\tgig\t and\t offer\t you\t minimum wage. Goddamn\tlife\t and\t the\tworld.\tYour\tconcerns\tdon\u2019t\tconcern\tthem.\tGet\tthose checks\t encoded,\t get\t those\t stupid\t forms\t out.\t Get\t the\t job\t done.\t For\t what?\t What does\tany\tof\tit\tmean?\tIt\u2019s\tbullshit,\tyou\tfeel\tlike\tsaying.\tAnd\tthe\twaste:\tmy\tgod,\tthe waste.\tAnd\thaving\tto\tlisten\tto\tMalin\tin\tbindery\tbitch\tand\tmoan\tand\tcurse\tlike some\twhacky\tPMS-stricken\tneurotic\tcunt.\tAnd\twouldn\u2019t\tyou\tknow\tit\u2014he\tand the\t goofball,\t Gavin,\t on\t the\t AB\t Dick\t are\t pals.\t It\u2019s\t a\t screwy\t world\t we\t live\t in. And\t they\t think\t I\u2019m\t the\t one\t who\u2019s\t nervous.\t These\t spineless\t pussies\t are convinced\tI\u2019m\tthe\tone\twith\tproblems. Did\t I\t ever\t deny\t my\t discomfort\t when\t around\t people?\t Never.\t Never\t have. People\tgenerally\tmake\tme\tnervous\tand\tI\tdon\u2019t\tcare\tto\tbe\taround\tthem.\tBut\tyou do\tyour\tbest\tto\tappear\tsociable,\tpleasant\u2014but\tinside\tI\u2019m\tthinking:\tGoddamn,\tI wish\t I\t could\t get\t away.\t Wish\t I\t didn\u2019t\t have\t to\t have\t anything\t to\t do\t with\t them. Please\tdeliver\tme\tfrom\tthese\tclowns. \t Again,\t I\t say\t I\t met\t a\t few\t folks\t I\t liked;\t but\t you\u2019ve\t got\t the\t back-stabbing ballbusters\t(male\tin\tthis\tcase)\tin\tevery\tcrowd.\tSo\there\tit\tis,\tgoing\ton\tSaturday morning\t and\t just\t the\t thought\t of\t not\t having\t to\t return\t to\t the\t hell-hole\t that\t the job\thas\tbecome\tfeels\tliberating.","Chapter\t61 Went\t up\t to\t K-Mart\t and\t bought\t the\t bike.\t Hundred\t bucks,\t plus\t tax.\t Of course.\t Mailed\t ms\t to\t Colorado\t with\t a\t check\t for\t $30.\t Mailed\t $20\t to\t Tustin\t for the\t bar\t code.\t Bought\t some\t food,\t two\t Sunday\t papers,\t and\t the\t $170\t paycheck disappeared.","Chapter\t62 Did\tit.\t Quit.\tPhoned\tJens\tat\tthe\tprint\tshop.\tIt\twas\ta\tgood\tparting.\tI\thad\t that encoder\t all\t figured\t out,\t was\t able\t to\t operate\t it,\t with\t the\t exception\t of\t the occasional\t glitch\u2014which\t could\t only\t have\t been\t worked\t out\t over\t time. (Experience\twould\thave\ttaken\tcare\tof\tthat.) He\tunderstood. \u201cI\tfeel\tkind\tof\tsorry\tthat\tRutley\twill\thave\tto\ttrain\tsomeone\tall\tover\tagain.\u201d \u201cWe\twere\tgetting\tready\tto\tdecide\tto\teither\tlet\tyou\tgo,\tor\tgive\tyou\ta\traise.\u201d I\tgot\tthe\tfeeling\teven\tif\the\thad\tbeen\tfor\tme\tstaying,\tLipworth\u2014the\tRawhide- droning\thick\u2014would\thave\topted\tto\tsee\tme\tcut\tloose.\tYou\tsee,\tthis\twould\thave spared\t his\t own\t position\t from\t being\t jeopardized\u2014or\t some\t such.\t He\t struck\t me as\t thoroughly\t useless\t and\t incompetent,\t not\t that\t it\t mattered,\t because\t the stooge\u2019s\tjob\twas\tto\tcrack\tthe\twhip\u2014and\tcrack\tit\the\tdid. My\tcheck\twould\tbe\tmailed\tto\tme.\tI\tcould\tnot\tlet\tJens\tgo\twithout\tletting\thim know\the\twas\tone\tof\tthe\tnicest\temployers\tI\tever\tworked\tfor. \u201cYou\tsound\tlike\tyou\tmean\tit.\u201d \u201cI\t do.\t You\u2019re\t a\t businessman;\t it\u2019s\t understood\u2014but\t you\u2019re\t not\t cold-blooded about\tit.\u201d \u201cI\t appreciate\t that,\u201d\t said\t Jens.\t \u201cAlthough\t there\t might\t be\t some\t people\t who might\tnot\tagree\twith\tyou.\u201d Told\t him\t I\t hated\t to\t leave\t my\t new-found\t friends,\t the\t few\t I\t had\t there.\t \u201cThat part\tbothers\tme\tmore\tthan\tthe\tother.\u201d \t It\u2019s\tback\tto\tsquare\tone,\tin\tsearch\tof\twork.\tThe\tway\tit\tis.\tBack\tto\tbeing\tbroke. Got\tone\tmore\tcheck\tcoming\tfrom\tthem. Bought\t a\t typewriter\t ribbon,\t whiteout,\t and\t xeroxed\t the\t resume\t at\t Office Depot.\t Trying\t to\t finish\t Gimme\t My\t Change\t for\t the\t New\t York\t publisher.\t Will mail\tthat\tand\tlook\treal\thard\tfor\tanother\tjob.","Chapter\t63 What\ta\trelief\tit\tis\tnot\tto\thave\tto\tgo\tin\tto\tthe\tprint\tshop,\tnot\tto\thave\tto listen\t to\t Malin\t grouse\t about\t every\t little\t thing\t (and\t he\t did\t it\t in\t an uncalled\t for\/excitable\t way\t that\t was\t not\t only\t painful\t to\t listen\t to\t but rattled\tthe\tbrain);\twhat\ta\trelief\tit\tis\tnot\tto\thave\tto\tlisten\tto\tJesse-Butch Lipworth\t sing\t that\t same\t hokey\t cowpoke\tsong\t over\t and\t over\t and\t over again;\t what\t a\t relief\t not\t to\t have\t to\t hear\t him\t quip:\t \u201cHow\t we\t doin\u2019, Flash?\u201d What\t a\t relief\t it\t is\t not\t to\t have\t to\t be\t referred\t to\t as\t \u201cPally\u201d\t by\t some\t guy\t you don\u2019t\teven\tknow.\tWhat\ta\trelief\tit\tis\tnot\tto\thave\tto\tlisten\tto\ta\tpussy\tlike\tGavin over\t at\t the\t AB\t Dick\t press\t whistling\t Three-Blind-Mice.\t .\t .\t .\t It\t goes\t on.\t WHAT GODDAMN\tRELIEF. Alas,\tI\tknow,\tthis\tjoy\tam\texperiencing\tpresently\tis\tfleeting,\tas\tI\twill\thave\tto find\tanother\tjob\tsomewhere\tto\tsupport\tmyself.\tEither\tthat,\tor\tsell\tsomething.","Chapter\t64 Hopped\ton\tthe\tnew\tbike\tand\trode\tit\ton\tdown\tto\tthe\tpost\toffice.\tChecked PO\tbox.\tNothing.\tMailed\tletter\tto\tInga\t(with\tseveral\tphotos,\tin\tcase\tshe\u2019s\tgot\ta friend\twho\tmay\tbe\tinterested),\tand\tsent\tforms\tto\tR.R.\tBawker. While\t in\t there,\t standing\t at\t the\t stamp\t machine,\t noticed\t a\t tall\t blond\t in perfect-fitting\/faded\t jeans\t waiting\t in\t line.\t My\t god.\t A\t looker.\t But\t I\t don\u2019t\t say anything.\tToo\tmany\tpeople\taround.\tProbably\tnot\tsingle,\tyou\tfigure,\tyou\tthink \u2014but\tyou\tcould\tbe\twrong.\tSo\twhy\tnot\tapproach\ther?\tToo\tmany\tpeople\taround. I\t do\t the\t only\t thing\t I\t can:\t ride\t out,\t and\t it\t occurs\t to\t me\t later:\t Why\t didn\u2019t\t I hand\t her\t a\t note?\t Could\t have\t written\t down\t my\t phone\t number\t on\t a\t piece\t of paper.\t.\t.\t.\tForget\tit.\tYou\u2019ll\tnever\tsee\ther\tagain. \t It\u2019s\t hot\t out.\t Feels\t like\t more\t than\t a\t hundred\t degrees.\t Got\t to\t stop\t and\t take\t a sip\tof\tmy\twarm\twater\tfrom\tthe\tblack\tjug,\tetc.,\tanything\tto\twet\tthe\tlips.\tI\tride\tit on\t up\t to\t storage,\t go\t through\t some\t boxes.\t Find\t some\t books\t by\t Bukowski\t and one\t by\t John\t Fante\t I\u2019d\t like\t to\t take\t back\t with\t me\t for\t something\t to\t read.\t Stuff them\t in\t my\t pack.\t Stuff\t a\t photo\t album\t in\t there\t as\t well.\t I\t wonder\t what happened\tto\tsome\tof\tthe\tslicks\tI\tused\tto\thave,\tlike\tBoobs\t&\tBuns,\tetc.,\tBig\tButt, etc.,\tVoluptuous.\tCould\tbe\tI\tthrew\tthem\tout. Can\u2019t\t help\t but\t notice\t all\t that\t Kodak\t Super-8\t film\t (50ft-reels\t and\t two- hundred-footers)\trotting\taway\tin\ttwo\tlarge\tcardboard\tboxes\t(that\tcost\tme\ttwo grand;\tbought\tfor\tthat\thorror\tflick\tI\twas\tgoing\tto\tmake\twhile\tresiding\tin\tSouth Gate),\t but\t never\t did.\t Lived\t in\t that\t cab\t of\t mine,\t literally,\t slept\t in\t it,\t averaging three\tto\tfour\thours\tof\tsleep\ta\tnight,\tfor\tsix-long-months\tuntil\tI\thad\tsix\tgrand\tin the\t bank\t and\t finally\t had\t the\t breakdown;\t body\t and\t soul\t gave\t out,\t case\t of pneumonia\ton\ttop,\tand\tended\tup\tin\tthe\thospital\tfor\tthree\tdays,\tnear\tdeath,\tdue to\tmalnutrition\tand\texhaustion\tand\twas\tfed\tglucose\tduring\tthe\tentire\thospital stay.","The\tirony,\tthe\tgreat\tirony,\tbefore\tthe\tsix-month-stretch\tI\u2019d\thacked\tweekends and\t been\t able\t to\t stay\t on\t top\t of\t my\t rent\t and\t bills\t and\t stayed\t fit\t by\t running during\tthe\tweek.\tEven\tgot\tsome\twriting\tin:\tscreenplays,\tstories\tand\tthat\thorror novel\t I\u2019d\t started\t up\t in\t North\t Hollywood\t while\t staying\t with\t my\t friend\t Toby and\this\tthree\tdogs.\tBut\tthen\tI\tgot\tthe\tmovie\tbug\tagain,\tneed\tto\tdirect;\tgot\tthis silly\t notion\t to\t try\t and\t make\t another\t flick,\t to\t compensate\t for\t Bloodsucking Geeks\tand\tto\tget\trid\tof\tthe\taftertaste\tcaused\tby\tsame\tthat\twouldn\u2019t\tgo\taway. \t Once\tout\tof\tthe\thospital,\tand\thaving\tbounced\tback\tphysically,\tI\twent\tabout building\tand\/or\tcollecting\tprops\tlike\ta\tdemon.\tEye-opener\twas:\tafter\tspending money\t on\t materials\t and\t film\t stock\t there\t was\t hardly\t enough\t to\t pay\t cast\t and crew\t(yes,\tI\u2019m\t one\tof\tthose\twho\t likes\tto\tpay\tpeople\tfor\twork\t they\t do\ton\tmy projects),\t and\t the\t film\u2014which\t surely\t would\t have\t been\t something\t to\t be\t proud of\u2014had\tto\tbe\tabandoned. Was\tit\theartbreaking?\t(That,\tand\tmore.)\tCrushing\tdisappointments\t like\tthis scar\tand\tchip\taway\tat\tyour\tconfidence\tand\tsanity.\tLittle\tby\tlittle.\tA\tlifetime\tof it\tthat\teventually\tweighs\ton\tyou,\tpulls\tyou\tdown\u2014and\tone\tday,\tpossibly\tunder \u2014for\tgood. Truth\t was\t the\t only\t ones\t who\t related\t to\t this\t were\t other\t creative\t types, wanting\t to\t do\/accomplish\t something,\t other\t than\t merely\t hold\t down\t a\t dreaded job\t for\t nothing\t more\t than\t a\t steady\t paycheck\t (and\/or\t big\t house\t with\t the swimming\tpool\tand\tlatest\tluxury\tride,\twith\tthe\tmistress\ton\tthe\tside). All\tI\tknow\tis\tthe\tfilm\tstock\tis\tno\tlonger\tany\tgood.\tEmulsion\tcomes\twith\tan expiration\tdate.\tTwo\tGrand.\tAll\tthat\tsweat\tand\ttoil.\tA\tshame,\twaste.\t.\t.\t.\tI\tlock up,\ttake\tthe\tbicycle\twith.\tIt\u2019s\ta\treal\thot\tmother\toutside,\tdebilitating.\tI\tride\tback down\tSpeedway\tto\tthe\thouse. \t I\tget\tthrough\tthe\tgate\tand\tthe\tdog\tstarts\tbarking.\tI\tgo\tinside,\tfetch\ther\ta\tdog biscuit,\t then\t another.\t She\t loves\t these\t things.\t I\t drink\t some\t ice\t water,\t try\t to write,\t to\t do\t something.\t Can\u2019t\t get\t with\t it.\t Am\t down\t to\t five\t dollars\t again.\t Am always\tdown\tto\tfive\tbucks.\tAlways\tdown.\tDown,\tbaby.\t.\t.\t.\tDOWN.","Chapter\t65 Long\t Labor\t Day\t weekend\t finally\t over.\t Rode\t bicycle\t seven\t or\t eight\t miles west\tof\there.\tAddress\ton\tFlowing\tWells\tRd.\tProduction\tWorkers,\tthe\tad\tsaid. Second\tshift.\tStarting\twage\t$5.95\tper\thour.\tWhat\telse\thave\tI\tgot\tgoing? With\tBro\tgone\tfor\tfour\tdays\tand\tmy\tmoney,\tthe\tlast\tof\twhich\twas\tspent\ton the\tSunday\tpaper\tand\tdog\tfood,\twas\tgone\tnow.\tDown\tto\tpennies\t(and\tI\tdidn\u2019t want\t to\t fool\t with\t pennies).\t I\u2019d\t been\t eating\t mac\t &\t cheese,\t spooning\t peanut butter\t(no\tbread\tleft).\tLike\tI\tsaid:\tWhat\tchoice\twas\tthere? Rode\tthe\tbike\tdown.\tMake\tit,\tchain\tit\tto\ta\tsign\toutside\tthe\toffice\tdoor.\tGo\tin. The\treceptionist,\ta\tyoung,\tblack\twoman,\ttakes\tmy\tresume. \u201cThey\u2019ll\tbe\tseeing\tpeople\ttomorrow:\t10\ta.m.\tto\t11:30\ta.m.\u201d I\tthank\ther,\tand\tgo\tback\tout. \t I\t ride\t east\t on\t Grant\t for\t several\t blocks,\t stop\t to\t take\t the\t map\t out\t of\t my backpack\tand\ttry\tto\tfigure\tout\twhere\tthe\tmain\tlibrary\tis\tdowntown.\tI\tlocate\tit: Stone\tand\tsomething.\t.\t.\t.\tI\tget\tup\tto\tStone\tand\ttake\tit\tsouth\ttoward\tDowntown Tucson. It\u2019s\t a\t nice\t enough\t day,\t maybe\t about\t 90,\t but\t since\t it\u2019s\t overcast\t it\u2019s\t not\t too hot.\t You\t learn\t around\t here\t that\t 90\t is\t tolerable\u2014even\t anything\t close\t to\t 100- degrees\t is\t tolerable.\t It\u2019s\t when\t the\t barometer\t goes\t past\t the\t hundred\t mark\t do you\t begin\t to\t truly\t feel\t it\t and\t sweat\t and\t have\t a\t hard\t time\t breathing.\t I\t do.\t But today\tis\tnice.\tI\tlike\tit.\tI\tget\tto\tabout\twithin\ta\tblock\tand\tstop\tto\task\ta\tcouple\tof women,\t office\t workers\t in\t black\t dresses,\t for\t directions.\t Both\t are\t pleasant enough.\tAm\ttold\tI\tam\tbut\ta\thalf\tblock\taway. \u201cIt\u2019ll\tbe\ton\tyour\tright.\u201d I\tthank\tthem,\tand\tmake\tit. \t It\u2019s\t a\t modern\t glass\t structure.\t There\t is\t a\t park\t in\t front,\t benches.\t People walking\t about\t and\t not\t in\t any\t particular\t hurry;\t a\t drunk\t or\t two\t dozing\t in\t the"]
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