["Chapter\t112 Heavy\t storm\t all\t day.\t Did\t some\t xeroxing\t of\t scripts\t at\t Kinko\u2019s\t on\t Speedway, west\t of\t here.\t Some\t of\t the\t scripts\t are\t porn\t and\t am\t planning\t to\t take\t to\t a\t porn video\tcompany\there\tin\ttown.\tIt\tdid\tnot\tstart\tto\train\tuntil\tI\tgot\tback\tfrom\tdoing that,\t and\t then\t I\t could\t hear\t it\t hitting\t the\t roof\t of\t the\t duplex.\t What\t now?\t You could\t say\t a\t bit\t of\t dread\t swept\t through\t me.\t I\t was\t going\t to\t have\t to\t ride\t the bicycle\t in\t the\t rain\t down\t to\t the\t slavers\u2019\t plant.\t Did\t it\t bother\t me?\t A\t bit,\t you might\tsay\u2014a\tbit.\tI\u2019ve\tgot\tthat\tyellow\tslicker\tall\tright\u2014but\tyou\tknow,\tit\u2019s\tstill\ta bitch\tany\tway\tyou\tcut\tit. \t But\tfirst\tI\tfelt\ton\tthe\thungry\tside,\tnone\tof\tthat\tbeef\tstew\tleft\t(that\tI\tpick\tup\ta large\tcan\tof\tat\tthe\tCircle\tK\tfor\t$2.50\teach),\tso\tI\tlook\tin\tthe\tfridge.\tQuart\tof\tmilk left\/wheat\tbread\/Wonder\tbread\t(the\tworst\/weakest\/poorest\texcuse\tfor\tbread).\tI scarf\tdown\tthree\tmayo\tsandwiches,\twashed\tdown\twith\tmoo\tjuice.\tGet\tdressed, get\tready\tfor\tthe\tlong,\tLONNNNGGG\tbike\tride.\tGet\tinto\tthe\tyellow\tslicker,\tthe work\tboots. \t I\t carry\t the\t bike\t out,\t walk\t it\t to\t outside\t the\t purple\t gate,\t get\t on\t it\u2014and\t ride, baby\t .\t .\t .\t just\t ride\t .\t .\t .\t through\t puddles\t and\t more\t puddles.\t Rain.\t Rain everywhere.\t I\t don\u2019t\t worry\t about\t any\t of\t me\t getting\t wet,\t except\t for\t the\t boots, socks.\t I\t stick\t to\t quiet\t side\t streets\t for\t most\t of\t the\t way,\t up\t until\t Park\t Avenue, get\ton\tGrant\tand\ttake\tit\twest. My\twork\tboots\tare\twet.\tWet.\tSocks\tinside\tthem\tfeel\twet.\tNothing\tto\tdo,\tbut keep\t on\t truckin\u2019.\t Get\t tough\/be\t tough.\t You\u2019re\t a\t tough\t loner,\t remember?\t Sure. That\u2019s\tme.\tOn\tthe\tdown\tside\tof\tforty.\tI\u2019ll\tbe\t47\tin\ta\tcouple\tof\tmonths. Tough\tguy? Right.","I\tmake\tit\tto\tthe\tplant.\tIt\u2019s\tcoming\tdown,\thard\tand\theavy.\tChain\tthe\tbike\tup. Go\t in.\t Slide\t the\t huge\t door\t open\t just\t enough\t to\t get\t inside\t the\t endless structure\/prison\/\u201csalt\t mine,\u201d\t reach\t down\t for\t the\t protective\t glasses\t inside\t my backpack.\tSee:\tthey\u2019ll\twrite\tyou\tup\tfor\tnot\thaving\tthem\ton. I\t punch\t in.\t It\t is\t quarter\t to\t 3.\t Walk\t in\t the\t back\t to\t the\t break\t room.\t Slowly, slowly\t get\t out\t of\t the\t slicker.\t The\t rubber\t pants\t are\t tough\t to\t get\t out\t of.\t I\t undo the\twork\tboots\tfirst,\tthen\tslide\tthe\tslicker\tpants\toff.\tSocks\t65%\twet.\tBoots\t100% wet. What\t a\t life;\t what\t a\t way\t to\t live.\t Fuck\t this.\t Fuck\t my\t nothing\/miserable existence.\t The\t way\t I\t feel.\t No\t way\t around\t it,\t no\t beating\t around\t the\t bush. Sometimes\tI\tlaugh\tat\tthings,\tsometimes\tI\tjust\tfeel\tlow;\ta\tdeep\tfunk\tsweeps\tover you\tand\thangs\tin\tthere. Redneck\t walks\t in\t to\t drop\t coins\t in\t the\t soda\t machine,\t and\t says:\t \u201cMr.\t Bill gonna\tkick\tthat\tfucker\tSaddam\tHussein\u2019s\tass.\u201d I\t don\u2019t\t know\t the\t redneck\t and\t don\u2019t\t give\t a\t damn\t about\t what\t he\u2019s\t talking about.\t The\t fool\t can\u2019t\t string\t two\t sensible\t words\t together.\t Do\t I\t need\t to\t hear anything\tabout\t Hussein?\tThey\tshould\thave\teradicated\tthe\ta-hole\t a\t long\t time ago.\tBut\tyou\tsee,\ta\tlittle\twar\tis\texactly\twhat\t\u201cMr.\tBill\/Bubba\u201d\tneeds\tright\tnow in\t order\t to\t divert\t attention\t away\t from\t Paula\t Jones\/Monica\t Lewitski\t (or however\tyou\tpronounce\ther\tlast\tname). \t Getting\t through\t the\t shift\t is\t a\t bitch.\t Slow\t and\t drudgery.\t Time\t dragging, DRAGGING.\tSalt\tmine.\tSlavers.\tThey\thad\tme\tworking\tin\tthe\tback,\taway\tfrom my\tregular\ttable.\tNo\torders,\tthey\tsaid.\tWork\tin\tthe\tback.\tA\tmonth\tahead.\tWe are.\tSo\twhy\tthen\tmake\tSaturday\tmandatory?\tWhy\tmess\twith\tpeople\twho\twould love\tto\thave\tan\tentire\tweekend\toff?\tWhy\tindeed?\tThey\tdon\u2019t\tcare,\tthat\u2019s\twhy. I\t assemble\t blades,\t make\t cores.\t Spot-weld\t for\t three\t hours.\t I\t hate\t it.\t Time drags\ton. Finally,\tat\tlast,\tthe\t1:15\ta.m.\tbuzzer!\tStill\training\tout\tthere.\tI\thave\tto\tget\tback into\t the\t yellow\t slicker\t and\t ride\t it\t on\t home.\t Bike\t lane\t a\t puddle\t everywhere.\t I stay\t on\t the\t sidewalk\t (mud\t now\t for\t the\t most\t part).\t Sidewalk\t on\t Grant\t is\t 80% mud\tand\/or\tgravel.\tNo\tchoice.\tFeels\tsafer\ton\tthe\tsidewalk.\tFront\tlight\tgoes\tout (and\t stays\t that\t way;\t weak,\t for\t the\t most\t part).\t Had\t just\t recently\t replaced batteries,\tbut\tit\tdoes\tno\tgood.","I\u2019m\thuffing\tand\tpuffing,\tbreathing\theavily,\ttrying\tto\tmake\tit\ton\tback\tto\tthe one-bedroom.\t This\t pedaling,\t after\t working\t nine\t hours,\t is\t exhausting\t (it\t would be\tat\tany\ttime,\tbut\tespecially\tafter\thaving\tworked\ta\tlong\tshift\tlike\tthat). I\tremember\tto\tstop\tin\tat\tthe\tCircle\tK\tat\tTucson\tBlvd.,\tbuy\tprovisions.\tMake it\t on\t home.\t Feed\t the\t dog.\t Have\t a\t boloney\t sandwich\t with\t mayo\t and\t then\t sit down\tto\tthe\ttyper.","Chapter\t113 Fri.\t2:15\ta.m.\tJust\trolled\tin.\tFed\tDog.\tAnother\tarduous,\tand\tI\tmean\tARDUOUS night\t at\t the\t high-tech\t sweatshop\t (and\t that\u2019s\t exactly\t what\t the\t plant\t is). SWEATSHOP. \t Got\t a\t bad\t blister\t on\t my\t ass\t from\t all\t that\t biking,\t and\t I\t mean\t right\t on\t the rectum.\t Can\u2019t\t win.\t They\t had\t me\t working\t the\t goddamn\t paint\t line\t all\t night. Unloading\t pallets\t and\t hanging\t air\t vent\t covers\t onto\t hooks,\t and\t some\t of\t these hooks\t are\t four-\t feet-long\t steel\t bars\t with\t a\t double-cross\t on\t them.\t How appropriate.\tWe\u2019re\tbeing\tcrucified\tfor\tslightly\tabove\tminimum\twage.\tMothers. And\tthe\tline\tmoves\tright\talong\tand\tyou\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tkeep\tup\twith\tit.\tRight\tthere, some\tof\tthe\thooks\t(a\tfoot\tabove\tyour\thead)\tand\tsome\tof\tthese\tair\tvent\tcovers weigh\t thirty-five\/forty-pounds\t (made\t for\t prisons\t and\/or\t banks\t or\t both).\t The lighter\t ones\t weigh\t fifteen-pounds.\t Still\t heavy.\t Do\t two\t or\t three\t pallets\t of\t this, baby,\t and\t you\t feel\t it\t in\t your\t shoulders\/arms\/back.\tYou\tsweat.\tIt\u2019s\twork.\tHard work.\tAnd\tthey\tkept\tpushing\tthose\tpallets\tin\ton\tus\tvia\tforklifts\tall\tnight\tlong. No\trespite,\tno\treal\tand\ttrue\trespite.\tTwo\tten-minute\tbreaks\tand\ta\tthirty-minute lunch\thardly\tenough.\tBack\tof\tmy\tneck\taching. \t Still\t no\t word\t from\t Grunt\t Press.\t Anything\t resembling\t a\t type\t of\t reprieve\t at this\tpoint\twould\tbe\tgreatly\tappreciated.\tGot\tto\tget\tthe\thell\tout\tof\tthis\tplant\trun by\tmoney-grubbers\twith\tdollar\tsigns\tfor\teyeballs.","Chapter\t114 Six\t months\t of\t slave-wage\t labor\t was\t enough,\t more\t than\t enough.\t I thought\tabout\tthose\thardcore\tscreenplays\tagain\t(that\tI\thad\tput\ttogether\ta\tfew years\t back\t while\t driving\t a\t cab\t in\t LA)\t and\t wondered\t if\t that\t could\t be\t the answer.\tMaybe\tI\tcould\tsell\tthem\tto\tsomeone,\tsomewhere.\tDesperately\tlooking for\t relief\/respite,\t a\t way\t out\t of\t the\t pit\t that\t was\t the\t plant.\t Although\t I\u2019d\t been\t a fan\t of\t porn\t for\t years,\t I\t was\t not\t interested\t in\t being\t part\t of\t that\t scene,\t but\t if\t I could\tsell\ta\tscript,\tbetter\tyet,\tbe\tallowed\tto\tdirect\tor\tvideotape\tsmut\tfor\ta\tliving I\twas\twilling. \t I\t found\tmyself\tin\ta\tporn\tvideo\tstore\ton\tStone,\tleafing\tthrough\tmy\tfavorite skin\tmags:\tStacked\tand\tBreeders\/Big\t Butt\/Juggs,\tsome\tothers.\tThen\tto\tthe\tleft, on\t a\t separate\t rack,\t noticed\t the\t adult\t entertainment\t directory:\t The\t Porn\t Biz. TPB.\t Leafed\t through\t it.\t The\t index\t section\t in\t back\t of\t the\t publication\t is\t where they\thad\tquite\ta\tfew\tof\tthe\tadult\tvideo\tproduction\tcompanies\tlisted.\tMost\twere in\tSouthern\tCalifornia,\tthe\tSan\tFernando\tValley,\tit\tlooked\tlike,\tas\tI\thad\tknown all\t along,\t having\t lived\t there\t for\t over\t two\t decades.\t There\t were\t listings\t for Northern\t California\/Washington\t state\/Oregon\/San Diego\/Florida\/Illinois\/Georgia,\tbut\tmost\twere\tin\tthe\tValley. Why\thadn\u2019t\tI\tattempted\tto\tsell\tthe\tscripts\twhile\tliving\tin\tL.A.?\tAlways\tkept hoping\t there\t might\t be\t another\t way,\t a\t better\t way\t to\t get\t my\t foot\t in\t the\t door, get\t some\t kind\t of\t break.\t There\t was\t also\t the\t accepted\t fact\t that\t rip-offs\t were common,\tas\tI\u2019d\thad\tmore\tthan\tone\tidea,\t(non-porn)\tscreenplay\tor\ttwo\tpilfered from\tme\u2014and\tnever\tbothered,\tknowing\tthey\tweren\u2019t\tgoing\tto\tgive\tme\tmoney for\tany\tof\tthe\tporn\tscripts\tor\teven\tlet\tme\tdirect\tany\tof\tthe\tmaterial\tmyself.\tBut now,\t this\t was\t different.\t I\t was\t at\t wits\u2019\t end.\t Pushing\t 50\t and\t felt\t I\u2019d\t paid\t too many\tdues\tfor\ttoo\tmany\tyears\tnot\tto\tgive\tthe\tporn\tscripts\ta\tgo. I\talso\tnoticed\ta\tcouple\tof\tthe\tvideo\tcompanies\twere\tactually\tlocated\there\tin Town.\tI\tpaid\tfor\tthe\tBreeders\tand\tthe\tdirectory,\trode\tthe\tbicycle\thome.\tAfter\tI\u2019d","pounded\toff\ta\tcouple\tof\ttimes\tto\tthe\tspreads\tin\tBreeders,\tI\twent\tover\tthe\tindex in\tTPB\tonce\tagain. I\tfound\tyet\ta\tthird\tadult\tdistributor\tin\tthe\tarea.\tI\tdecided\tI\twould\tmake\tit\tto the\t nearest\t one\t on\t my\t way\t to\t the\t factory\t job\t the\t next\t day.\t I\t also\t decided\t I\u2019d bring\ta\tvideo\tcopy\tof\tthat\tzero-budget\tslasher\tflick\tI\u2019d\twritten\/directed\tand\tco- financed\t ten\t years\t back\t in\t Tinseltown\t with\t some\t friends\t I\u2019d\t attended\t some crappy\tfilm\tschool\twith\tin\tHollywood\tin\tthe\tearly\t70s. \t No\t doubt\t about\t it,\t the\t deck\t is\t stacked\t against\t so\t many\t of\t us.\t If\t you\t don\u2019t have\ta\trich\tdaddy\tor\tmommy\tyou\tare\tnot\tgoing\tto\tget\tthe\tsame\tbreaks,\tbaby. Having\tbeen\ta\tNam\tvet\tat\tthe\ttime,\twith\taccess\tto\tthe\tGI\tBill,\tI\tthought\tI\tmight get\t into\t something\t to\t do\t with\t filmmaking,\t something\/anything,\t that\t would allow\t for\t a\t creative\t outlet.\t I\u2019d\t been\t stuck\t in\t another\t dead-end\t situation\t at\t the time:\t painting\t apartments\t for\t thirty\t bucks\t a\t week.\t Yes,\t I\u2019d\t had\t free\t room\t and board\t at\t this\t apartment\t complex\t in\t West\t Hollywood\t that\t I\t was\t assistant manager\t of,\t but\t thirty-beans\t a\t week\t was\/is\t pathetic\u2014by\t anyone\u2019s\t standards. I\u2019d\t driven\t out\t from\t Chi-town\t in\t my\t Fiat\t lemon,\t was\t stranded,\t down\t to\t two dimes,\t when\t I\t came\t across\t the\t apt.\t gig\t in\t the\t paper.\t Had\t been\t grateful\t that\t I was\ttaken\ton,\tetc.,\tall\tthat. \t I\twas\tdesperate\tto\tget\taway\tfrom\tthe\tfactory\tand\tthe\tmandatory\tO\/T\tthat\tthe Vietnamese\t workaholics\t were\t generally\t responsible\t for.\t I\t would\t ride\t my bicycle\tover\tto\tthe\tporn\tproduction\toffice\tand\tsee\tabout\tpeddling\tmy\tscripts.\tIt wasn\u2019t\training\thard,\tjust\tdrizzling\tenough\tto\tkeep\tyou\tnervous\/on\tthe\tlookout for\tout-of-control\tskidding\tcars. I\trode\tmy\tbike\tup\tOracle,\tnorth\tof\tGrant.\tMade\tit\tto\tthe\tfront\tentrance\tpart of\tthe\tbuilding.\tDoor\thad\twrought\tiron\tbars\tover\tthe\tglass,\ta\tNO\tSOLICITING sign,\t and\t a\t decal\t in\t a\t corner\t that\t warned\t that\t the\t place\t was\t protected\t by\t a security\t system.\t There\t was\t a\t furniture\t warehouse\/retail\t outfit\t to\t the\t left,\t a tattoo\tparlor\tto\tthe\tright. \t I\t locked\t my\t bicycle\t to\t a\t rack\t in\t front\t of\t the\t furniture\t store,\t fished\t the splatter\tVHS\tfrom\tmy\tpack,\tcleared\tmy\tthroat\u2014this\tsort\tof\tthing\talways\tmade me\t nervous\u2014and\t walked\t to\t the\t door\t with\t the\t wrought\t iron\t bars.\t I\t rang\t the","bell.\t A\t broad\t appeared:\t heavy\t set\t and\t cross-eyed.\t The\t bifocals\t she\t wore\t were smudgy,\tthe\tmetal\tframe\tbent,\tand\tthere\twas\ta\thard\tto\tmiss\tcrack\tin\ta\tcorner of\tthe\tright\tlens.\tThis\twas\tthe\tthing\tI\tnoticed\tabout\tthe\tbeefy\tchick:\tdishwater stash\t above\t her\t upper\t lip,\t the\t cracked\t lens,\t and\t hair\t the\t color\t of\t overcooked cornmeal.\tWhat\tmade\tit\ta\tshock\tto\tmy\tsystem\twas\tthe\tobvious\ttouch\tof\tcruelty about\tthe\tfeatures. She\t appeared\t to\t be\t in\t her\t early-30s.\t As\t I\t said:\t large\t boned\/porker\/with\t a baby\tface.\tThat\twas\tthe\tdichotomy.\tSome\tcombination. I\u2019m\tnot\texactly\tsure\twhat\tit\twas\tI\tasked\ther,\tif\tthey\twere\thiring\tbehind\tthe camera\t personnel,\t something\t to\t the\t effect,\t that\t I\t had\t screenplays\t I\t wanted\t to get\t to\t someone.\t Before\t I\u2019d\t had\t a\t chance\t to\t get\t it\t all\t out,\t she\u2019d\t been\t quick\t to counter\twith:\t\u201cNo,\twe\u2019re\tnot\thiring.\u201d It\twas\tthe\tsame\ttype\tof\tcrude\tbehavior\tI\u2019d\texperienced\tfor\tover\ttwo\tdecades in\t Southern\t California.\t This\t town\t was\t supposed\t to\t be\t better.\t All\t I\t could counter\twith\twas: \u201cSo\tthis\tis\tlike\tLA.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s\tright.\u201d Closed\t the\t door\t before\t I\t could\t say\t anything\t else.\t The\t demented-looking broad\t had\t shut\t that\t door\t in\t my\t face\t before\t I\t could\t actually\t convey\t some background\t info.\t Some\t bitches\t enjoyed\t being\t discourteous\t and\t rotten.\t This was\t the\t type.\t I\u2019d\t just\t had\t the\t door\t slammed\t in\t my\t face\t by\t a\t cunt\t who resembled\ta\tcyclops.","Chapter\t115 I\t stood\t there,\t undecided.\t What\t now?\t My\t last\t resort\t were\t these\t porn scenarios\t(that\tI\tfelt\twere\tpretty\tdamned\tdecent\tfor\twhat\tthey\twere).\tThey\thad humor,\ta\tstoryline,\twere\tsound\tstructurally\u2014and\tbest\tof\tall,\tmost\timportant\tof all,\t were\t packed\t with\t scenes\t meant\t to\t entertain.\t They\t were\t also\t loaded\t with steaming\/hardcore\t shagging.\t And\t this\t bitch\u2014who\t did\t not\t know\t anything about\tme,\thadn\u2019t\teven\tgiven\tme\ta\tchance\tto\tsay\tanything\u2014had\tshut\tme\tout. \t Where\t else\t was\t there\t to\t go?\t High-tech\t sweatshop?\t The\t jabbering\t co- workers?\tForced\tovertime?\tThe\taching\tlegs\tand\tlower\tback,\tthe\tblisters\ton\tmy feet?\t I\t had\t to\t try\t again,\t ring\t the\t bell\t one\t more\t time.\t I\t would\t at\t least\t let\t it\t be known\tall\tthe\twork\tthat\tI\u2019d\tdone\ton\tthis\tsplatter\tfilm,\tthat\tupon\tinitial\trelease had\t sold\t close\t to\t ten-thousand-units.\t Not\t bad\t for\t a\t movie\t put\t in\t the\t can\t for fourteen\t grand\t (the\t additional\t 7-k\t for\t sound-mixing\t and\t other\t things,\t not withstanding),\t never\t mind\t that\t certain\t distribution\t entities\t had\t shafted\t us\t out of\t money.\t We\u2019d\t made\t twenty-six-grand\t back,\t paid\t off\t investors\u2014and\t there hadn\u2019t\t been\t anything\t left\t after\t that.\t I\u2019d\t gotten\t evicted\t from\t my\t apartment\t on Burnside,\t dropped\t into\t a\t depression\t that\t added\t to\t an\t existing\t depression; ended\tup\thomeless.\tIf\ta\tfriend\thadn\u2019t\ttaken\tme\tin\tthat\u2019s\texactly\twhat\tI\u2019d\tbeen facing\tfor\ta\tfuture:\tsleeping\tin\tsome\tdoorway\tsomewhere\tor\ta\tbus\tbench. What\twas\tI\tgoing\tto\tdo\there?\tI\thad\tthis\tcopy\tof\tthe\thorror\tflick\twith\tme,\tand I\thad\tsome\tliterature\ton\tit:\tfull-color\tflyer\/favorable\treviews\t(not\texcellent,\tbut favorable,\tfor\tthe\tmost\tpart),\tas\twell\tas\tpublicity\tin\tvarious\tgenre\tpublications. I\tcouldn\u2019t\tbring\tmyself\tto\twalk\taway\twithout\tat\tleast\tshowing\tthis\tto\tsomeone in\tthere\u2014even\tif\tit\thad\tto\tbe\tthe\tbeast\twho\u2019d\tjust\ttold\tme\tto\tget\tlost. \t I\ttook\ta\tdeep\tbreath.\tRang\tthe\tdoor\tbell\tagain.\tThe\tdoor\tflew\topen,\tonly\tthis time\tI\twas\tlooking\tup\tat\ta\tpissed\tguy\twho\ttowered\tover\tme.\tStood\t6\u20195\u201d,\tabout my\t age.\t Worn\t mug.\t Baby\t face\t here\t as\t well,\t but\t worn,\t as\t though\t he\u2019d\t been","around\tthe\tblock\ta\tfew\ttimes:\tbooze\/drugs\/whatnot.\tA\tgold\tloop\tdangled\tfrom the\t left\t ear.\t And\t for\t a\t big\t guy,\t the\t thing\t I\t noticed\t right\t off,\t were\t the\t small hands,\t the\t big\t belly.\t And,\t like\t I\t said,\t he\t was\t not\t happy\t at\t the\t fact\t I\u2019d\t had\t the nerve\tto\tbother\tthem\tagain. \u201cWhat\tis\tit?\u201d This\t made\t me\t nervous.\t I\t stammered,\t holding\t the\t items\t up\t in\t my\t hands. Reiterated\tI\twas\tsearching\tfor\tbehind\tthe\tcamera\twork\tin\tthe\tadult\tvideo\tfield, that\t I\t had\t written\/directed\t and\t edited\t Bloodsucking\tGeeks\ta\t few\t years\t back.\t I held\tup\tthe\tflyer\tand\tother\tmaterials.\tAs\tpissed\tand\tbothered\tas\the\twas\tat\tleast he\theard\tme\tout,\tlet\tme\tspeak\twithout\tslamming\tthe\tdoor\ton\tme.\tThis\tboosted my\t confidence\t level\t somewhat.\t We\t talked\t a\t bit.\t It\t was\t brief.\t He\t looked\t at\t the video,\tnodded. I\texplained\tI\u2019d\tlived\tin\tLA\tfor\tyears\tand\thad\tto\tget\taway\tfrom\tthe\trat\trace.\tIt was\tchit-chat.\tI\twanted\tto\tgive\tthis\tguy\tsome\tidea\twhat\tI\twas\tabout;\tthat\tI\twas not\t a\t flake,\t not\t looking\t for\t a\t handout,\t but\t a\t legitimate\t job,\t a\t chance\t to\t show what\tI\twas\tcapable\tof.\tHe\tnodded. \u201cI\t understand.\t All\t the\t production\t work\t is\t done\t in\t LA.\t We\t wouldn\u2019t\t be needing\tanybody\tlike\tthat\there.\u201d I\tdid\tthe\tonly\tthing\tleft\tto\tdo:\tthanked\thim.\tDoor\twas\tclosed.\tI\tstood\tthere\tin the\t drizzling\t rain.\t Accepted\t it.\t That\t was\t that.\t You\u2019re\t stuck\t in\t the\t factory, amigo.\t More\t of\t the\t same\t torturous\t jive,\t for\t slightly\t above\t minimum\t wage. Welcome\t to\t my\t world.\t This\t is\t your\t life,\t Cash\t Register\u2014and\t what\t a\t life\t it\t has been.","Chapter\t116 I\t walked\t to\t where\t I\t had\t left\t my\t bicycle\t chained\t to\t the\t other\t building, proceeded\t to\t unlock\t it.\t Nothing\t to\t do\t but\t go\t on\t to\t the\t swing\t shift\t gig,\t the madhouse.\t It\t continued\t to\t drizzle.\t I\t had\t the\t rain\t gear\t on\t and\t the\t rain\t didn\u2019t matter;\t I\t ignored\t it,\t was\t too\t deep\t down\t dealing\t with\t the\t gloom,\t the\t deep gloom\tthat\tthere\twas\tno\tclimbing\tout\tof. I\t took\t a\t half\t dozen\t steps,\t didn\u2019t\t feel\t like\t getting\t on\t the\t bike\t and\t riding. Walking\t might\t help\t clear\t the\t head,\t might\t help\t to\t figure\t out\/come\t up\t with other\t possibilities.\t There\t had\t to\t be\t a\t way\t out\t of\t the\t factory;\t there\t had\t to\t be something\telse\tI\tcould\tdo\u2014but\twithout\twheels,\treal\twheels,\ta\tcar,\tjob\tprospects were\tlimited.\tLanding\tthe\tfactory\tgig\thad\tbeen\ttough\tenough. Nothing\t changes.\t I\u2019d\t traveled\t all\t this\t way\t from\t Los\t Angeles\t and\t nothing changed\t for\t me.\t Thirty\t years\t ago,\t fresh\t out\t of\t the\t army,\t had\t survived\t Nam, and\t recall\t going\t through\t the\t same\t thing:\t looking\t for\t some\t nothing\t job\t and couldn\u2019t\teven\tget\tthat. What\twas\tit?\tWhat\tthe\thell\twas\tit\tabout\tme?\tBorn\tjinxed?\tHad\tbeen\tforced to\t apply\t for\t food\t stamps\t for\t a\t few\t months,\t because\t I\t couldn\u2019t\t get\t anything. Effing\tHollywood.\tThe\ttalent\thad\tbeen\tthere\t.\t.\t.\tbut\tthere\twas\tno\tway\tto\tget\ta break.\tOthers\twere\tgetting\ttheir\tshare\tof\tbreaks,\twhy\tcouldn\u2019t\tI?\tJust\ta\tchance to\tshow\twhat\tI\tcould\tdo. The\t horror\t flick\t had\t been\t the\t only\t shot\t I\t had\t going.\t I\u2019d\t sold\t the\t cab,\t put what\tlittle\tmoney\tI\thad\tinto\tthe\tmovie,\traised\tthe\trest,\tfound\tinvestors\twith\tthe guy\twho\tended\tup\tbeing\tline\tproducer.\tGeeks\twas\tgoing\tto\tgive\tme\tmy\tshot,\ta chance\t at\t something,\t to\t become\t a\t working\t filmmaker;\t at\t 36,\t finally.\t This\t had happened\tduring\tthe\tvideo\texplosion\tin\tthe\tmid-\u201880s.\tVideo\twas\tnew\tthen\tand product\t was\t needed.\t Several\t of\t the\t guys\t I\u2019d\t gone\t to\t that\t low-rent\t film\t school with\tand\tI\tdecided\thorror\twas\tthe\tway\tto\tgo,\ta\tsure\tbet:\tmovie\tgoing\taudiences never\t got\t enough\t of\t horror.\t And\t although\t I\t don\u2019t\t look\t down\t my\t nose\t at\t the genre\t (the\t way\t certain\t snobs\t find\t it\t convenient\t to\t do\t so),\t as\t certainly\t the","original\tTexas\tChain\t Saw\t Massacre\t and\toriginal\tNight\tof\tthe\tLiving\t Dead,\t The Exorcist,\t and\t a\t few\t others,\t were\t classics\t in\t the\t field,\t my\t motion\t picture\t tastes weren\u2019t\t limited\t to\t horror,\t as\t I\t felt\t there\t was\t more\t to\t flicks\t than\t slice\t &\t dice (and\twhen\tit\tcame\tto\treading,\tother\tthan\ttrue\tcrime,\tI\trarely\tgot\tinto\thorror). Long\tstory\tshort:\tthe\thorror\thad\tbeen\tbehind\tthe\tcamera\tand\tnot\tin\tfront\tof it.\t It\t had\t been\t hard\t to\t take:\t friends\t you\t expected\t to\t be\t reasonable\t and supportive,\t instead\t end\t up\t being\t your\t worst\t foes\t and\t obstacles\t to\t make\t a dream\thappen\tand\tcause\tyou\tto\thave\ta\tmeltdown\tin\tfront\tof\tcast\tand\tcrew\tat one\tpoint.\tIt\twas\tfucked,\tand\tthe\thurt\tlingered. Lesson\tlearned?\t Never\tever\tenter\tinto\ta\tproject\t with\tpeople\/associates\tyou do\t not\t have\t the\t power\t and\/or\t authority\t to\t fire\/cut\t loose\/let\t go\t should\t they cause\ttrouble\u2014no\tmatter\twhat.\tEver. And\tyet,\teven\twith\tall\tthat,\tonce\tthe\tvideo\thit\tstores,\tit\tracked\tup\tsales.\tThe horror\tjunkies\twent\tfor\tit\tto\tthe\tpoint\tthe\tflick\thad\tdeveloped\ta\tcult\tfollowing. It\t was\t being\t collected\t and\t held\t in\t high\t regard,\t weaknesses\t and\t all\/shoestring- budget\t and\t all.\t Those\t who\t appreciated\t the\t subject\t matter\t sensed\t the earnestness\tbehind\tthe\teffort\tand\thad\treciprocated\twith\ttheir\tsupport. And\t what\t did\t it\t ultimately\t gain\t me?\t I\t had\t stacks\t of\t screenplays\t and\t novels and\t free\t verse\t poetry\t I\u2019d\t written\u2014and\t was\t presently\t on\t my\t way\t to\t a\t factory job\tthat\twas\tdraining\tthe\tvery\tlast\tbit\tof\twill\tto\tgo\ton. Demoralized?\tPlenty.\tSuicide\twas\tnever\tfar\tfrom\tmy\tmind.\tAt\ttimes\tlike\tthis the\tnotion\thovered\tcloser\tthan\tever.\tDo\tyourself\tin.\tYou\u2019ll\t never\t get\t anywhere. Your\t life\t will\t never\t change.\t You\u2019re\t like\t that\t sorry\t mook\t Sisyphus\t forever attempting\t to\t push\t a\t boulder\t up\t the\t effing\t hill\u2014and\t not\t only\t not\t getting anywhere,\tbut\tthe\tdamn\tthing\twas\tusually\tdetermined\tto\troll\tback\tover\tme. Like\tI\tsaid,\tI\twas\tresigned\tand\thad\tbegun\tto\twalk\taway.\tThat\u2019s\twhen\tI\thear the\t same\t door\t open.\t I\t didn\u2019t\t bother\t to\t turn\t my\t head.\t Felt\t bad\t enough.\t Didn\u2019t need\tto\tbe\tbrowbeaten\tsome\tmore\t(on\ttop\tof\twhat\tI\u2019d\talready\texperienced). Okay;\t got\t the\t message,\t pal:\t am\t not\t needed.\t Fine.\t I\t could\t tell\t it\t was\t the\t six- foot-five\t giant\t walking\t up.\t Then\t I\t heard,\t (or\t thought\t I\t heard)\t him\t say something.\tWas\tit\tto\tme?\tI\twasn\u2019t\tsure.\tDidn\u2019t\tbother\tto\tlook\tup.\tThen\the\tsaid something\telse: \u201cListen,\tI\u2019m\tsorry\tabout\tearlier.\tDidn\u2019t\tmean\tto\tbe\trude.\tIt\u2019s\tbeen\ta\tbad\tday.\u201d","I\tstopped.\tTurned\tthis\ttime.\tNodded.\tSaid\tit\twas\tokay.\tAnd\tclearly\texpected it\tto\tbe\tthe\tend\tof\tit.\tThen\tthe\tguy\tshoved\ta\tbusiness\tcard\tat\tme.\tI\tlooked\tat\tit. Primary\t name\t on\t there\t was\t Touhey\t Scheib.\t There\t was\t the\t image\t of\t a\t naked woman\t with\t large\t tits\t in\t dark\t silhouette,\t and\t below\t his\t name:\t Rocks-Off Video,\t Inc.\t There\t was\t printing\t directly\t below\t that:\t Seymour\t J.\t Schinitsky, President\t&\tCEO. \t We\twalked\tnorth,\tcrossing\tthe\tfurniture\toutlet\tparking\tlot.\tHe\tsaid\tthe\tvideo box\tlooked\t impressive,\t that\tthey\tmight\tbe\tlooking\tfor\tsomeone\tlike\tme,\tonly that\the\twas\tnot\tin\tany\tposition\tto\tsay\texactly\tas\the\twas\tin\tsales,\tbut\tthat\teither the\tboss\tor\this\tdaughter\tRenna\twould\tbe\tbetter\tto\ttalk\tto\tabout\tthat. He\tasked\tif\tI\thad\ttime\tand\tif\tI\twould\twalk\twith\thim\tto\tthe\tdaughter\u2019s\toffice, where\t he\t could\t get\t me\t a\t more\t current\t business\t card\t and\t see\t if\t Renna\t was\t in, so\tthat\tI\tcould\ttalk\tto\ther. There\t was\t hope,\t a\t way\t out\t of\t the\t factory\t possibly;\t away\t from\t the hammering,\t the\t lifting\t and\t loading\t of\t heavy\t boxes,\t working\t the\t Komatsu monster\t and\t dealing\t with\t irritable\t types\t like\t Ray;\t the\t jabbering,\t hungry-for- overtime-toilers\tand\tharassing\tforemen. \t The\t modest,\t Spanish\t style\t adobe\t house\t (to\t the\t left\t of\t the\t furniture\t facility) had\t been\t turned\t into\t a\t suite\t of\t offices.\t We\t entered.\t Renna\t was\t not\t in,\t her husband\tNoah\twas.\tSix-two,\tthin,\twith\ta\tgold\tearring\tdangling\tfrom\tone\tof\tthe ears,\tprominent\tnose. This\t character\t had\t a\t Julius\t Caesar\t type\t of\t cut:\t short,\t with\t bangs\t across\t the forehead.\tThe\tvery\ttop\tof\this\t\u2018do\twas\tthe\tcolor\tof\tcarrots,\ta\tbleached\tjob,\twhile the\trest\tof\tthe\thair\ton\this\thead\twas\tdark\tbrown.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tunderstand\tthese\tnew hair\t styles\t and\t did\t not\t get\t why\t a\t grown\t man,\t and\t this\t guy\t appeared\t to\t be\t in his\tlate-20s,\twould\tdo\tsomething\tlike\tthis\tto\this\tappearance.\tTo\teach\this\town, as\tthe\tsaying\tgoes.\tAll\tI\twanted\twas\tout\tof\tthe\tfactory. Touhey\t introduced\t me\t to\t Renna\u2019s\t husband\t and\t some\t Hispanic\t kid\t named Flavio\tsitting\tthere\tin\tthe\tfoyer\tin\tfront\tof\ta\tcomputer\tscreen.\tNoah\tstood\tover Flavio\u2019s\t shoulder,\t evidently\t taking\t editing\t pointers,\t as\t they\t went\t over\t color video\tfooty\tof\tthree\tpartially-clad\tporn\tstarlets\twith\timpressive\thangers.","This\t place\t was\t small,\t three\t or\t four\t offices\t the\t size\t of\t your\t average\t walk-in closet\tand\tsituated\tin\tthe\trear.\tTouhey\twent\tin\this,\tpicked\tup\ta\tfresh\tcard\tfrom a\tbox\tof\tnew\tones,\thanded\tit\tto\tme.\tSaid\tI\tshould\tcome\tback\tand\ttalk\tto\tRenna when\tshe\u2019s\tin.\tI\tthanked\thim\tand\tleft.","Chapter\t117 It\twas\ton\ta\tFriday,\ta\tholiday,\tanother\tforced\twork\tday\tat\tthe\tplant\tthat I\t took\t a\t chance\t that\t Renna\t might\t be\t in\t and\t stopped\t by\t her\t office.\t She was\t in\t there\t by\t herself.\t There\t was\t no\t one\t else\t around.\t My\t god,\t how\t nice\t it would\t be\t to\t work\t in\t a\t place\t like\t this,\t so\t quiet\t and\t civilized,\t holidays\t off;\t no noisy\t metal-crushing\t presses,\t no\t yelling\t co-workers,\t no\t noisy\t grinders\t and hissing\t spot-welding\t machines;\t no\t aching\t feet\t to\t worry\t about.\t No\t mandatory Saturdays.\t.\t.\t. \t I\tknocked\ton\tthe\tglass\tdoor.\tA\ttall\tblond\tin\ttight\tjeans\twalked\tup.\tAbout\tthe same\t age\t as\t Noah.\t Not\t bad\t looking\t at\t all;\t in\t fact,\t attractive\t and\t pleasant.\t I could\tnot\thelp\tbut\tnotice\tthe\thealthy\tbackside\ton\ther.\tI\tcould\tnever\tnot\tnotice something\tlike\tthat.\tIf\ta\twoman\thad\thips\tshe\thad\tme.\tI\twas\ta\tsucker\tfor\ta\tgreat caboose.\tThis\tcaboose\twas\tpretty\tgood,\tI\tthought. As\t before,\t I\t had\t the\t VHS\t video\t in\t my\t hands,\t the\t other\t materials:\t color flyer\/reviews\/write-ups\tin\tvarious\thorror\tpublications,\tall\tthat.\tIt\twasn\u2019t\tmuch, my\tlife\tdidn\u2019t\tamount\tto\tmuch,\tbut\tit\twas\tall\tI\thad\tto\tshow\tfor\tmy\tclose\tto\thalf century\texistence\ton\tthis\tscrewy\tplanet.\tThis\twas\tit. The\tway\tshe\textended\ther\thand\tso\tthat\twe\tcould\tshake,\tand\ther\twelcoming nature\tand\tthe\teffort\tshe\tput\tforth\tto\tmake\tme\tfeel\tat\tease\tand\tcomfortable\twas greatly\t appreciated.\t I\t could\t work\t for\t someone\t like\t this,\t I\t thought,\t someone smart\t and\t sane,\t a\t creative\t type.\t I\t always\t found\t it\t so\t much\t easier\t to\t relate\t to creative\t types.\t She\t invited\t me\t to\t the\t inner\t sanctum,\t her\t private\t office,\t and\t to take\ta\tseat. I\t sat\t in\t a\t chair\t across\t the\t desk\t from\t her.\t She\t saw\t how\t nervous\t I\t was:\t job hunting\tand\thaving\tto\t\u201csell\u201d\tmyself\tnever\tgot\tany\teasier,\tno\tmatter\thow\tmany times\tI\u2019ve\thad\tto\tgo\tthrough\tthis.\tI\talso\thad\tthe\tscreenplays\tin\tmy\thands.\tShe looked\tat\tthem,\tkept\tapologizing\tfor\tthe\tmess,\tthat\tshe\thad\tdecided\tto\tcome\tin on\ther\tday\toff\tand\tclean\tup\ta\tbit.","She\twas\tfrank:\t\u201cI\tdon\u2019t\tknow\tmuch\tabout\tscreenplays.\tWe\thave\tsomeone\tin LA\t who\t does\t our\t videos\t for\t us,\t in\t that\t he\t hires\t talent\/directs\/produces\u2014but what\tI\u2019d\tlike\tto\tdo,\tif\tit\u2019s\tall\tright\twith\tyou,\tis\tfax\tyour\tscripts\tto\thim.\u201d I\tnodded. \u201cThat\twould\tbe\tfine.\u201d \u201cWould\tyou\tbe\table\tto\tleave\tthem\twith\tme?\u201d Yeah;\t sure.\t Why\t not?\t I\t wasn\u2019t\t being\t crowded\t at\t all.\t I\t didn\u2019t\t see\t porn producers\tor\tanyone\telse\tcoming\tafter\tme,\tcalling\tme\tnight\tand\tday\tasking\tto read\tmy\tstuff.\tAnd\twhile\tall\tthis\twas\tgoing\ton,\tI\tcould\tnot\thelp\tbut\ttake\tin\tall the\t explicit\t hardcore\t flyers\t and\t various\t publications\t all\t around\t me:\t on\t the walls\/on\t her\t desk\/on\t various\t end-tables\t and\t shelves\t in\t back\t of\t her.\t It\t was everywhere:\t pussy\/big\t tits\/ass\t shots;\t hot\t bitches\t fellating\t massive\t members and\/or\tengaged\tin\tintercourse. \t Yes,\tthis\twas\tthe\tplace\tfor\tme.\tAbsolutely.\tExactly\twhat\tI\u2019d\tbeen\tpraying\tfor, to\t be\t in\t an\t environment\t like\t this.\t I\t noticed\t a\t wedding\t band\t on\t the\t woman\u2019s finger,\tand\tthought:\tIf\tshe\u2019s\tcoming\ton\tto\tme\tI\tbetter\tlet\ther\tknow\tI\tdon\u2019t\tplay around.\t That\t was\t definitely\t against\t how\t I\t lived\t my\t life.\t I\t didn\u2019t\t want\t some half-crazed\t husband\t coming\t after\t me\t with\t a\t butcher\t knife,\t or\t worse.\t Am\t not sure\t why\t I\t thought\t she\t might\t be\t coming\t on,\t could\t have\t been\t all\t the\t porn\t all around\tand\tthat\twe\twere\tdiscussing\tit. \u201cOh,\tI\tdon\u2019t\teither,\u201d\tshe\tsaid. \u201cHow\tdoes\tsomeone\tlike\tyou\tget\tinto\tthis\tline\tof\twork?\u201d She\tsmiled.\t\u201cGuess\tI\u2019m\tjust\ta\tpervert\tat\theart,\tCash.\u201d I\thad\tto\tlaugh.\tWoman\thad\tpersonality.\tCharisma. She\t mentioned\t they\t were\t in\t the\t process\t of\t putting\t together\t a\t hardcore magazine.\tI\tsuggested\tmaybe\tI\tcould\twrite\tfor\tit.\tShe\texplained\tthat\ther\tfather Sy\thad\ta\tfriend\talready\tdoing\tthat. She\tsaid:\t\u201cA\tposition\tin\tthe\twarehouse\tjust\tcame\tup\u2014it\u2019s\tnot\tthe\tsame,\tbut\tif you\u2019re\tinterested\tyou\tmight\twant\tto\tthink\tabout\tit\u2014but\tmore\timportantly:\tone of\tour\tmodels\twill\tbe\tin\ttown\tto\tdo\ta\tshow\tat\ta\tlocal\tstrip\tclub,\tand\tshould\tyou be\t inclined,\t we\u2019d\t like\t to\t hire\t you\t to\t video\t tape\t her\t act\t and\t maybe\t do\t an interview\t with\t her\t later.\t Soupy\t Sandwich\t (being\t her\t dad\t Sy\u2019s\t porn\t biz\t alter ego)\twill\tbe\ton\thand\tto\tinterview\ther.\tAll\tyou\u2019d\thave\tto\tdo\tis\tvideo\ttape\tit.\u201d","I\t said\t I\t was\t interested,\t that\t I\t owned\t a\t Hi-8.\t Kept\t to\t myself\t that\t it\t might require\tsome\tminor\twork,\tfuse\tor\tsomething;\twasn\u2019t\tsure.\tI\u2019d\tfigure\tit\tout\tlater. \u201cThink\t about\t what\t you\u2019d\t like\t to\t be\t paid,\u201d\t she\t said.\t When\t she\t showed\t me their\tlatest\tcatalog\tI\tcould\tfeel\tmy\tgroin\tstir\tinside\tmy\ttrousers. There\t they\t were:\t stills.\t Steaming\t hot\t images\t from\t hundreds\t of\t different videos:\t gorgeous\t babes\t with\t impressive\t hangers\t engaged\t in\t all\t sorts\t of\t heart- stopping\tcarnal\tencounters. Stuff\twas\tturning\tme\ton.\tHad\tmy\tlibido\tgoing\tape-shit\tin\tpurgatory.\tI\tcould feel\tsweat\tforming\tacross\tmy\tbrow.\tMy\tscalp\titched.\tIt\twas\ttoo\tmuch.\tCunt\tand shagging.\tAnd\tyet\tthe\tway\tthe\twoman\twent\ton\tabout\tit\tso\tcasually\tyou\u2019d\tthink she\twas\tdiscussing\ther\tgrocery\tlist.\tUsed\tto\tit.\tNothing\tmore.\tShe\twas\tproud\tof their\tcatalog. \u201cDo\tyou\thave\tan\textra\tcopy?\u201d\tI\tasked. \u201cOf\tcourse,\u201d\tshe\tsaid.\t\u201cPlease\ttake\tit.\u201d This\t was\t too\t good\t to\t be\t true,\t a\t chance\t to\t work\t in\t smut\t with\t someone\t like this\tand\tthat\tgentlemanly\tTouhey\tScheib\tguy.\tWell,\tother\tthan\tbeing\tput\toff\tby that\t rude\t broad\u2019s\t appearance,\t this\t was\t a\t far\t cry\t from\t the\t sheetmetal\t factory and\tthe\tmachinery\tdin. I\t mentioned\t being\t glad\t to\t be\t away\t from\t LA\t and\t that\t bunch;\t traffic\/stress. She\tdidn\u2019t\tcare\tfor\tLA,\teither. \u201cBut\t we\t do\t spend\t time\t there,\t as\t most\t of\t our\t product\t is\t made\t in\t LA\t now. Most\tof\tthe\ttalent\tis\tthere.\u201d I\tnodded.\tI\tunderstood.\tRose.\tWe\tshook\thands.\tIt\twas\tagreed\tI\twould\tstop\tby the\t next\t day\t at\t the\t warehouse\t to\t pick\t up\t her\t video\t camera\t and\t batteries,\t and that\tBernie,\ttheir\twarehouse\tmanager,\twould\tbe\tthere\tto\tlet\tme\tin. \t She\t walked\t me\t to\t the\t door.\t Unlocked\t it\t to\t let\t me\t out.\t I\t thanked\t her\t again, and\twalked\tdown\tthe\tstoop\tto\twhere\tI\thad\tmy\tbicycle\tlocked\tto\tthe\tstreet\tsign. I\theard\ther\tre-lock\tthe\tdoor\tbehind\tme. I\tcontinued\ton\tto\tthe\tjob.\tBut\tyou\tknow,\tI\twas\twalking\ton\tclouds.\tFinally,\tat last:\ta\tbreak.\tIt\tlooked\tlike\ta\tbreak.\tI\tcould\tbreathe\teasier.\tMy\tgod;\ta\tchance\tto do\t something\t creative.\t I\t didn\u2019t\t give\t a\t damn\t that\t it\t would\t be\t in\t porn.\t It\t didn\u2019t matter.\tBeing\taround\tporn\twas\ta\tlot\tbetter\tthan\tbeing\taround\tobnoxious\tbosses\tat the\tfactory.","That\tnight\tI\tleafed\tthrough\tthe\tcatalog.\tJacked\tit\ta\tfew\ttimes\tand\tslept\tlike\ta baby.","Chapter\t118 Two\tweeks\tpass.\tRenna\tcalls\tme\ton\ta\tFriday. \u201cHaven\u2019t\t had\t a\t chance\t to\t read\t your\t manuscripts\t yet.\u201d\t She\t goes\t on.\t She speaks\tfast.\tNot\tan\tunlikable\twoman.\t\u201cAre\tyou\tfamiliar\twith\tLana\tLush?\u201d Who\t wasn\u2019t?\t Lana\t sucked\t pipe\t and\t ate\t muff\t in\t her\t share\t of\t porn\t flicks. Sported\thuge,\tincredibly\thuge\tcantaloup\timplants\tand\thad\tappeared\ton\ttv\ttalk shows\t and\t was\t a\t pricey\t exotic\t dancer.\t Some\t of\t the\t vids\t that\t she\t was\t in\t were distributed\tby\tRenna\u2019s\tfather\/boss\tand\tCEO\tof\tRocks-Off\tVideo,\tSy\tSchinitsky, aka\tSoupy\tSandwich. I\tsaid\tI\twas\tfamiliar\twith\tLana\tLush. \u201cWell,\tshe\u2019s\tin\ttown\tto\tdo\ta\tseries\tof\tshows\tat\tTempest\tHouse\ton\tCraycroft Boulevard.\tWhat\twe\u2019d\tlike\tto\tdo\tis\thave\tyou\ttape\ta\tcouple\tof\ther\tshows\teither today\t or\t tomorrow\t night.\t We\u2019re\t in\t the\t process\t of\t getting\t the\t okay\t from\t the club.\tIt\u2019s\tbeing\tset\tup.\tLana\twill\tbe\texpecting\tyou.\tWe\u2019d\tlike\tyou\tto\tget\tas\tmuch footage\tas\tpossible.\tSy\twill\talso\tbe\tthere\tto\tdo\tan\tinterview\twith\ther.\u201d She\t asked\t if\t I\t had\t access\t to\t a\t video\t camera.\t I\t did,\t but\t it\t was\t on\t the\t fritz.\t I wasn\u2019t\tsure\twhat\tthe\tissue\twas\twith\tthe\tcamera.\tI\ttold\ther\tI\twould\ttake\tit\tup\tto the\tshop\ttoday\tand\tfind\tout. I\tsaid:\t\u201cIt\u2019s\ta\tvery\tgood\tSony.\u201d She\tadded:\t\u201cWhat\tI\u2019d\talso\tlike\tfor\tyou\tto\tdo,\tlike\tI\tmentioned\tbefore,\tis\tthink about\twhat\tyou\u2019d\tlike\tto\tbe\tpaid\tfor\tyour\texpertise.\u201d I\t said\t I\t believed\t them\t to\t be\t fair\t people\t and\t would\t let\t them\t decide\t that\t one. And\tI\thad\tbased\tit\ton\tthe\t5-Gs\tthey\thad\tpaid\tsome\thick\trecently\tafter\the\u2019d\tsent in\t video\t footage\t of\t this\t heavy,\t homely,\t truly\t unappealing\t heifer\t with\t such enormous\thangers\tthat\tthey\tweighed\tseventeen-pounds\teach.\tThe\tamount\tgiven to\t the\t man\t as\t compensation\t for\t the\t footage\t had\t been\t pointed\t out\t to\t me\t by Renna\tthat\tday\twe\tmet\tand\tspoke\tin\ther\toffice. She\t had\t treated\t me\t with\t every\t courtesy,\t explained\t what\t their\t company Rocks-Off\tVideo\twas\tabout:\tmainly\tbig\ttops,\thardcore\tsex.","She\t added:\t \u201cAs\t far\t as\t your\t job\t is\t concerned,\t I\t don\u2019t\t want\t you\t to\t get\t in trouble\t over\t this.\t On\t second\t thought,\t I\u2019ll\t let\t you\t worry\t about\t that;\t I\u2019m\t not going\tto\tbe\tconcerned.\tIt\u2019s\tup\tto\tyou.\u201d We\tagreed\tto\tiron\tout\tthe\tdetails\tlater\tin\tthe\tday.","Chapter\t119 I\tget\ton\tmy\tK-Mart\tbike.\tTake\tit\teast\ton\tSpeedway,\tsouth\tside\tof\tthe\tstreet. Spot\ta\tbarber\tshop.\tNo\tone\tinside\tbut\ta\tlone\tbarber\tsweeping\tthe\tfloor.\tI\tstop the\tbike,\twalk\tup\tto\tthe\tglass\tdoor\tand\tpoke\tmy\thead\tin. \u201cWill\tyou\ttake\ta\tcheck?\u201d \u201cYeah,\u201d\the\tsays. \u201cOkay\tto\tbring\tmy\tbike\tin?\u201d \u201cNo\tproblem.\u201d I\t seat\t myself\t in\t one\t of\t two\t chairs.\t Just\t want\/need\t a\t quiet\t haircut.\t Not\t too much\t chatter.\t Although\t the\t guy\t is\t not\t a\t loud\t type,\t he\t starts\t to\t talk\/ask questions\/probe.\t So\t now,\t so\u2019s\t not\t to\t appear\t rude\t I\t have\t to\t answer\t his questions,\tall\tthat.\tAnd\tusually\tsome\tof\tthis\tstuff\tis\tpersonal,\ttoo\tpersonal\tto\tbe discussed\twith\ta\tperfect\tstranger.\tWhat\tbusiness\tis\tit\tof\this\twhy\tme\tand\tmy\tex split?\t And\t how\t long\t ago?\t And\t what\t do\t I\t do\t for\t a\t living?\t This\t was\t why\t I\t left LA.\tLay\toff\tit,\tpal.\tLay\toff. I\t try\t to\t stay\t quiet\t and\t so\t is\t he\t for\t a\t while,\t then\t another\t question.\t What gives?\tI\tcan\u2019t\tbe\trude,\tfind\tit\tdifficult\tto\tbe\trude\t(unless\tam\tpushed\tbeyond\tmy limit).\t I\t answer\t his\t questions.\t Just\t to\t be\t courteous,\t and\t simply\t because\t this man\tI\tdo\tnot\tknow\thas\ta\tsharp\tblade\tone\tinch\tfrom\tmy\tneck.\tYou\tnever\tknow. Things\tcan\thappen.\tAnything\tdoes\tand\tcan\thappen. \t I\tnotice\ta\tcouple\tof\tframed\tphotos\tof\ta\tgleaming\tHarley\ton\tthe\twall\tin\tfront of\tus.\tAsk\thim\tabout\tthat.\tI\u2019m\tdoing\twhat\tI\tcan\tto\tbe\tpleasant.\tI\twant\tto\tdivert the\t questions,\t the\t focus\t away\t from\t me.\t Said\t he\t owned\t it\t once.\t Not\t anymore, since\this\tdivorce.\tWife\tleft\thim\tfor\ta\tblack\tman. \u201cKnow\t what\t they\t say,\u201d\t he\t adds;\t and\t I\t see\t this\t one\t coming\t a\t mile\t off:\t \u201conce you\tgo\tblack,\tyou\tnever\tgo\tback.\u201d Which,\t of\t course,\t is\t total\t bull.\t I\t wish\t the\t mustache\t would\t just\t shut\t the\t hell up.\t I\t don\u2019t\t know\t the\t man\t or\t his\t ex-wife\t or\t her\t black\t beau.\t It\t doesn\u2019t\t concern","me.\t If\t he\t were\t a\t friend,\t someone\t I\t knew,\t it\t would\t be\t different.\t I\t give\t a\t damn about\tpeople\tI\tconsider\tfriends.\tBut\tthis\tis\tjive\/verbal\tmasturbation. Why\t not\t just\t shut\t the\t hell\t up,\t man,\t I\t feel\t like\t telling\t him.\t I\t just\t want\t a haircut;\tthat\u2019s\twhy\tI\tstepped\tin.\tWhy\tcan\u2019t\tbarbers\tbehave\tthe\tway\tI\tbehaved for\tyears\tin\tmy\tcab?\tIf\tmy\tfares\twished\tto\tbe\tleft\talone,\tI\tleft\tthem\talone\u2014and gladly\tso,\tbecause\tI\tpreferred\tit\tthat\tway.\tI\trarely\tliked\ttalking\tanyway,\tunless it\t was\t something\/someone\t interesting,\t which\t was\t rarer\t than\t discovering\t a ruby\tin\tthe\tcity\tdump. \t He\t wants\t to\t make\t sure\t I\t get\t the\t type\t of\t haircut\t I\t want.\t Close\t around\t the ears,\t short\t on\t top,\t or\t at\t least\t just\t long\t enough\t so\t I\t can\t comb\t it\t back\t and\t it doesn\u2019t\t stick\t out.\t He\u2019d\t had\t his\t cut\t so\t short\t back\t in\t October\t that\t it\t still remained\t looking\t like\t a\t crewcut\t even\t now\t in\t February.\t Man,\t spare\t me\t .\t .\t . please.\tCut\tmy\thair\tand\tlet\tme\tget\ton\twith\tmy\tlife. He\u2019s\t got\t two\t kids.\t Sons.\t Little-Leaguers.\t Do\t I\t have\t a\t single\t sister?\t Yeah. Two.\tBut\tthey\tlive\tin\tthe\tMidwest\tand\tgot\ttoo\tmany\tproblems.\tThe\tother\tone, the\tthird\tsister,\tis\tmarried. He\tgrins.\tSays:\t\u201cNobody\twants\tto\tfix\tme\tup.\u201d I\tsaid:\t\u201cThe\tsingle\tones\tare\ttroubled.\tI\tdon\u2019t\teven\tlike\tbeing\taround\tthem.\u201d \u201cIn\tthat\tcase\t.\t.\t.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tneed\tthat.\tNo.\u201d How\tlong\tago\tdid\tI\tsplit\tfrom\tmy\tex,\the\twants\tto\tknow. \u201cAlmost\ttwenty\tyears\tago.\u201d \u201cEver\ttalk\tto\ther\tsince\tthen?\u201d \u201cNo.\tHaven\u2019t\twanted\tto.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re\ta\ttough\tguy,\u201d\the\tsays. Not\treally,\tbut\the\tisn\u2019t\tgoing\tto\tget\tit.\tI\u2019m\tnot\tgoing\tto\tgo\tinto\tit,\teither. \u201cSeeing\tsomebody\tnow?\u201d\the\twants\tto\tknow. Thought\tof\tPenny.\tTold\thim\tI\u2019d\tmet\tsomeone\ttwo\tmonths\tback,\tbut\tbecause she\twas\tmuch\tyounger\tthan\tme\tI\u2019d\thad\tsecond\tthoughts.\tIt\tscared\tme. \u201cHow\tyoung\tis\ttoo\tyoung?\u201d\the\tasked. I\tsmiled.\tWouldn\u2019t\tsay.\tGirl\twas\tin\thigh\tschool,\tand\tnobody\telse\u2019s\tbusiness. Certainly\tnot\this.\tHe\tinsisted.\tHad\tto\tknow.\tI\trefused\tto\ttell\thim.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\teven know\tmyself.\tBut\tI\thad\twalked\taway\tfrom\tit,\twithout\thaving\thad\ta\tsingle\tdate with\t her.\t How\t old?\t Seventeen?\t Eighteen?\t I\t couldn\u2019t\t say.\t All\t I\t knew\t was\t that","she\thad\tfallen\tfor\tme\tand\tthat\tI\u2019d\tstepped\tout\tof\tthe\tpicture\tto\tmake\tit\tpossible for\ther\tto\tfind\tsomeone\tcloser\tto\ther\tage\teventually. \t Finally\the\twas\tdone.\tI\tthanked\thim.\tPulled\tout\ta\tcheck.\tCut\twas\t$9.\tI\twrote\tit out\t for\t $13.\t That\u2019s\t the\t way\t I\t am.\t I\t believe\t in\t basic\t decency,\t fairness;\t but\t just don\u2019t\t talk\t me\t to\t death,\t because\t there\t is\t no\t need\t for\t it\u2014BECAUSE\t YOU\u2019LL\t BE TREATED\tFAIRLY\tBY\tME\tALL\tTHE\tSAME. I\t walk\t to\t the\t door.\t Can\u2019t\t help\t but\t pause,\t as\t am\t turning\t my\t bicycle\t around, the\t plaque\t on\t the\t wall,\t little\t league\t plaque,\t a\t group\t of\t the\t baseball\t team\t his tow-headed\tsons\tplayed\ton:\ttwo\tcoaches,\tone\ton\tthe\tleft\tof\tthe\tgroup\tand\tthe other\ton\tthe\tright,\tstanding\tproudly\tin\tthe\tbackground. Life\twas\tabout\tpain.\tVery\toften.\tNot\tall\tof\tit,\tof\tcourse,\tbut\tcertainly\tenough of\tit\twas.\tI\ttruly\thad\tnothing\tagainst\tthis\tindividual.\tI\tunderstood,\tand\tjust\tdid not\tthink\tit\tdid\tmuch\tgood\t(better\tyet:\tany\tgood)\tto\treveal\tyour\tpersonal\tside\tto people\twho\twere\tincapable\tof\tgiving\ttwo\tdog-turds\tabout\tyou\t(simply\tbecause in\t order\t to\t care\t you\t must\t know\t the\t person).\t And\t still,\t having\t said\t all\t that,\t I cannot\thelp\tbut\toffer\tsomething\tcomplimentary\tabout\this\tsons. He\tsmiles,\tsays:\t\u201cThank\tyou.\u201d I\u2019m\t out\t the\t door\t with\t my\t bicycle\t and\t pedaling\t up\t speedway\t to\t the VCR\/camcorder\t repair\t shop.\t They\t require\t a\t $40\t deposit.\t I\t write\t a\t check.\t The middle-aged\t lady\t tells\t me\t it\t could\t cost\t upwards\t of\t $125.00.\t I\t nod.\t Okay.\t A\t lot of\tbeans\tfor\tthis\tfactory\thand.\tWhat\tcan\ta\tperson\tdo?\tI\tleave\tit\tthere.\tI\tmight need\tto\tuse\tit\tsomeday.\tI\tstop\tin\tat\tthe\tABCO.\tBuy\tdog\tfood\tand\tother\tthings. \t Later\t that\t day\t Renna\t calls.\t It\u2019s\t a\t go,\t the\t thing\t with\t Lana\t Lush.\t I\t offer updated\tinfo\tregarding\tmy\tcamcorder. \u201cIt\u2019ll\tbe\ta\tfew\tdays\tbefore\tI\tcan\thave\tit\tback.\u201d \u201cCan\u2019t\tthose\tthings\tbe\trented?\u201d\tshe\tasks. \u201cYeah.\u201d\tOf\tcourse\tthey\tcan.\tTrouble\tis,\tI\thaven\u2019t\tgot\tthe\tfunds\tto\trent\ta\tpot to\twhiz\tin,\tlet\talone\ta\tsophisticated\tvideo\tcamera. \u201cI\t have\t a\t camcorder\t at\t the\t house,\t but\t it\u2019s\t nothing\t sophisticated.\t Bought\t it three\tyears\tago,\tjust\tsomething\tto\tshoot\tvideo\tof\tthe\tkids\taround\tthe\thouse.\u201d I\tlike\tthis\twoman.\tMarried;\ttwo\tkids.\tDevoted\twife\tand\tmother.\tShe\tadds: \u201cI\u2019m\tnot\tsure\tthat\twe\tcan\tuse\tit\tfor\tthe\tdocumentary.\u201d","I\task\tif\tit\u2019s\tHi-8.\tIt\tisn\u2019t\tit. \u201cI\tthink\tit\u2019s\tregular\t8.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s\tfine,\u201d\tI\ttell\ther. We\t agree\t that\t I\u2019ll\t stop\t by\t the\t office\t to\t pick\t it\t up\t Saturday.\t We\t hang\t up.\t A way\t out\t of\t the\t plant?\t WAS\t THIS\t IT?\t A\t WAY\t OUT\t FINALLY\t AFTER\t SIX- MONTHS\tOF\tTHAT\tHELL?","Chapter\t120 Cleaned\t apartment.\t About\t time.\t Had\t no\t time\t before.\t Too\t exhausted. ALWAYS,\tMAN.\tToo\tpooped.\tFeel\tgood\t(at\tnot\thaving\tto\tgo\tinto\tthe\ttorturous plant!\t Amen!\t Don\u2019t\t know\t what\t I\u2019ll\t do\t to\t survive,\t but\t am\t taking\t that\t chance. Got\t a\t grand\t (in\t my\t secured\t Visa\t card),\t and\t about\t six\t or\t seven\t hundred\t in checking.\tQuite\ta\tbit\tof\tthe\tchecking\twill\tbe\teaten\tup\tby\trent\tdue\tby\tthe\tfirst, plus\tthirty-something\ton\trent\tat\tthe\tstorage\tfacility.\tPhone\tis\tgoing\tto\tbe\tover forty-dollars,\tmaybe\tcloser\tto\tsixty\t(turn-on\tfee\tis\t$46\talone).\tAnd\tthen\tthere\u2019s groceries,\tpal,\tdog\tchow.\tBut\tI\tam\ttaking\tthe\tplunge,\ta\tbig\tchance\there. Friday\t evening.\t Raining\t hard\t out\t there.\t I\t should\t be\t at\t work\t but\t am\t not. Phoned\tin\tand\tsaid\tI\twouldn\u2019t\tbe\tcoming\tin\ttoday. Working\t that\t goddamn\t paint\t line\t last\t night\t pushed\t me\t over\t the\t edge.\t Too hard\/too\t much\t of\t it\/too\t many\t cuts\t and\t bruises\t inside\t of\t both\t forearms.\t Got\t a nice\t little\t gash\t on\t the\t inside\t of\t the\t right\t arm.\t Had\t to\t quit\/get\t out\/GET\t THE HELL\t OUT\t AND\t SAVE\t MYSELF.\t If\t you\u2019ve\t ever\t been\t stuck\t in\t a\t miserable situation\t like\t this\t you\t would\t know,\t brother\t and\/or\t sister,\t YOU\t WOULD KNOW. \t Would\u2019ve\tbeen\tnice\tto\thave\taccess\tto\tmy\tHi-8\tcamera,\tbut\twhat\tcan\tyou\tdo? Renna\u2019s\tRegular-8\twill\thave\tto\tsuffice.\tWant\tto\tdo\ta\tgood\tjob\tfor\tthese\tpeople\t. .\t.\tjust\twant\tto\tstay\tout\tof\tthe\tfactory.\tI\u2019ve\thad\tenough\tof\tit.\tSix\tmonths,\tshort of\t14-days!\tNot\ta\tday\tmissed.\tNot-a-one. I\u2019ll\tfinally\tbe\table\tto\tfinish\tthe\tStreets\tof\tLA\tmanuscript,\tget\tthe\tthing\tgoing.\t. .\t .\t Amen.\t Remember\t to\t thank\t the\t gods.\t I\t do.\t Always.\t The\t gods.\t The\t gods forever\tthere. \t Rain\t hitting\t the\t roof,\t hard.\t I\t part\t the\t white\t sheets\t hanging\t over\t my\t glass door.\tRain.\tPlenty\tof\tit.\tI\u2019d\tbe\ta\tfool\tto\tride\tthe\tbicycle\tin\tit,\tnot\tto\tmention\tthe blisters\t on\t my\t bunghole.\t Sore,\t sore.\t Fucking\t hurts.\t How\t did\t I\t get\t blisters\t on","my\t rectum?\t Riding\t the\t bike\t for\t miles\t at\t a\t time.\t All\t that\t riding.\t Too\t old\t for\t it. Too\told.\tAnd\tyet,\tdon\u2019t\tfeel\tlike\tan\told\tman\tat\tall.\tIt\u2019s\tall\tin\tthe\thead.\tYoung-at- heart,\tall\tthat.\tA\tchick\twith\ta\tbig\tass\tcan\tstill\tgive\tme\twood.\tNo\tlie.\tBut\tit\u2019s\tthe plant,\tthe\tdamned\tsweatshop.\tA\tway\tout.","Chapter\t121 Come\t Saturday.\t I\t ride\t the\t bike\t down.\t Butt\t hurts.\t I\t do\t my\t best\t to\t position myself\taway\tfrom\tthe\tbunghole.\tTry\tto\teither\tsit\ton\tbone,\tor\tass\tcheeks.\tAin\u2019t funny.\t Ain\u2019t\t funny\t at\t all.\t It\u2019s\t a\t windy\t Saturday,\t but\t so\t good\t to\t be\t away\t from the\tdead-end\tfactory\tand\ttheir\tobnoxious\tsupervisors\tand\tdeadly\tchemicals.\tSo good.\tGot\tthe\ttop\tbutton\ton\tmy\tnavy\tpea\tcoat\tbuttoned,\twearing\tgloves,\tpack on\tmy\tback.\tI\tmake\tit\ton\tdown\tto\tthe\toffice\ton\tOracle. A\t shifty\/nervous\t type\t in\t baggy\t walking\t shorts\t answers\t the\t door\t after\t a couple\t of\t rings.\t He\u2019s\t about\t 50.\t Bernard\t is\t his\t name.\t We\t shake\t hands.\t Soon after,\ta\tdorky\/white-haired\tguy\tof\tabout\t60\twalks\tup.\tStands\tthere\tbehind\tthe dude\t named\t Bernard\t with\t some\t type\t of\t stunned\t look\t in\t his\t eyes.\t Frankly, made\t me\t wonder\t what\t I\t was\t getting\t myself\t into.\t The\t dorky\t dude\t returns\t to wherever\tit\twas\the\thad\tcome\tfrom\tinside\tthe\twarehouse.\tThe\tcamcorder\tis\tin\ta shoulder\t case\t atop\t a\tfiling\t cabinet\tin\tthe\tlobby.\tI\tcheck\tthings\tout.\tAll\tthere. Read\tRenna\u2019s\tbrief\tnote. \t Hi\tCash, You\u2019ll\tneed\tsome\tnew\tcassettes.\tAll\tmine\tare\tused. Large\tbattery\tshould\tbe\tcharged\t\u2013\tcheck\tthem.\tAsk for\t\u201cStew\u201d\tat\tthe\tclub\taround\t6:30\tSaturday.\t22nd\t& Craycroft.\t\u201cTempest\tHouse.\u201d\tFilm\tas\tmany\tshows LANA\tLUSH\tperforms.\tTell\tStew\tyou\u2019re\tthere as\tper\tSoupy\tSchinitsky\tT\t&\tA\tSales\t&\tRocks-Off Video.\tAny\tproblem\tcall\t\u2014\u2014\u2013\t. Thanks! Renna","I\tgrab\tthe\tstuff,\tthank\tBernie\tthe\twarehouse\tmanager,\tand\tleave.\tWalk\tto\tthe corner\twhere\tI\u2019d\tleft\tmy\tbike\tchained\tto\ta\tstreet\tsign.\t(Don\u2019t\twant\tpeeps\tto\tsee a\t camera\t operator\t and\/or\t filmmaker\t riding\t a\t bicycle.)\t Anyway,\t I\t unchain\t the bike,\tand\tbegin\tthe\tslow\tride\tback\tto\tthe\tduplex.\tIt\tdoesn\u2019t\tget\tany\teasier.\tThe burning\tpain\tin\tmy\tbutt.\tThat\u2019s\tsomething\telse,\tevery\ttime\tyou\ttake\ta\tdump\tit fucking\t stings.\t Hemorrhoids.\t How\t did\t it\t happen?\t Was\t it\t the\t bike?\t All\t that riding?\tWhat\tcauses\tit? And\tI\tused\tto\tchuckle\tat\tall\tthose\tPreparation\tH\tcommercials\tover\tthe\tyears. Me\t and\t you\t and\t others,\t my\t friends\u2014would\t see,\t I\u2019m\t sure,\t those\t tv\t ads\t and laugh.\t Hemorrhoids?\t Not\t me.\t I\u2019ll\t never\t get\t that.\t Real\t old\t peeps\t get\t that.\t My asshole\twon\u2019t\tdo\tme\t like\t that.\t Don\u2019t\t intend\t to\t have\t no\t kinda\t issues\t with\t my crapper.\tThat\u2019s\twhat\tyou\tthink,\tpal.\tWait\ta\twhile,\tand\twe\u2019ll\tsee\twhat\thappens. We\u2019ll\tsee.","Chapter\t122 It\u2019s\t a\t real\t strain,\t riding\t the\t cheap-ass\t bike\t with\t two\t leather\t bags weighing\tme\tdown:\tpack\tand\tthe\tcamcorder\tbag. I\tpush\ton.\tBreathing\theavily,\tbut\tI\tpush\ton.\tNo\tchoice.\tGotta\tget\tback\tto\tthe house.\tGot\tto.\tCould\tbe\ta\tway\tout\tof\tthis\tnothing\texistence,\tout\tof\tthe\tfactory and\t mire\t of\t poverty\t (that\t I\t have\t been\t stuck\t in\t my\t entire\t life).\t Out\t of\t this misery\t and\t drudgery.\t Out\t of\t it.\t Out\t of\t something\t .\t .\t .\t out\t of\t the\t blues\t and experience\ta\tbit\tof\thappiness\tsomewhere\/somehow.\t.\t.\t. \t I\t make\t it.\t Dog-tired.\t No\t sooner\t do\t I\t get\t my\t gate\t open,\t when\t the\t mutt\t is about\tto\tgo\tinto\thysterics.\tHappy\tto\tsee\tme,\tso\thappy\tand\texcited\t.\t.\t.\twhich\tis all\t nice\t and\t sweet,\t but\t am\t too\t exhausted\t for\t it.\t I\u2019ve\t got\t to\t tell\t her\t to\t cool it\/settle\t down.\t I\t keep\t saying\t \u201cNo\u201d\t to\t her\t and\t manage\t to\t circumvent\t the hyperactivity.\t She\t calms\t down.\t I\t unlock\t my\t sliding\t glass\t door,\t slide\t it\t open. Unload\tthe\tcamera\tbag.\tThe\tpack\thits\tthe\tcarpet\twith\ta\tthud.\tI\tsigh\twith\trelief. Made\tit\tonce\tagain.\tMade\tit.\tI\tthink. Now\tI\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tfigure\tout\twhat\tto\tdo\tabout\tthe\tshow\tlater\tthat\tday.\tI\u2019ll\tneed to\t buy\t a\t couple\t of\t cassettes,\t recharge\t all\t the\t batteries,\t including\t my\t own,\t so that\tI\u2019ll\thave\tenough\tjuice\tto\tshoot\tall\tof\tit.\tAfter\ta\tgood\trest,\tI\u2019m\tback\ton\tthe bike\tand\tpedaling\tit\tthe\tthree-blocks\tover\tto\tWalgreens\ton\tSpeedway. I\t go\t in.\t Select\t two\t 120-minute\t tapes\/gallon\t of\t milk\/bag\t of\t sizzle\t sticks\t (beef flavor)\tfor\tthe\tdog,\tfig\tbars\t(for\tmyself),\t50ft-cord\tfor\tthe\tFax\/phone\tmachine\u2014 and\tmy\tbill\tis\tthirty-eight\tgoddamn\tdollars!\tToo\tmuch.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tbe\tspending\tthis kind\tof\tmoney\t(for\ta\tman\twho\tis\tabout\tto\tquit\this\treal\tjob). It\t bothers\t me.\t Way\t too\t much.\t Should\t have\t bought\t the\t 7ft-\t cord\t for\t two- bucks,\tinstead\tof\tpaying\t$7.98\tfor\tthe\t50ft\tone.\tThe\tprice\ttag\thanging\tfrom\tthe shelf\t had\t said\t it\t was\t five-\t bucks.\t It\t always\t works\t that\t way.\t Deliberately confusing.\tAlways.\tYou\tthink\tsomething\tcosts\tone\tprice\/turns\tout\tit\u2019s\tanother. ALWAYS.\tI\u2019m\tbeginning\tto\tthink\tit\u2019s\ta\tcon,\ta\ttrick.","I\tgo\tabout\trecharging\tthe\tbatteries.\tIt\ttakes\tclose\tto\tthree-\thours\tto\tget\tthem all.\t Four\t batteries.\t The\t one,\t takes\t two-\t hours.\t A\t long-lasting\t battery\t that belongs\tto\tRenna.\tI\ttest\ther\tcamera.\tWorks\tfine.\tI\u2019m\tdressed.\tShined\tthe\tbrown loafers\t I\t only\t wear\t for\t special\t occasions.\t Got\t into\t a\t neat\/clean\t pair\t of\t brown cords,\t clean\t plaid\t shirt.\t I\u2019m\t ready.\t Only\t the\t big\t battery\t requires\t more\t time. Takes\t forever.\t But\t they\u2019re\t handy\t to\t have.\t Last\t a\t couple\t of\t hours\t when shooting. Finally,\tat\tten-minutes\tto\tfive\tthe\tbattery\tis\tcharged.\tI\tplace\tit\tall\tin\tthe\tbag. I\u2019d\t been\t contemplating\t carrying\t my\t tripod\t in\t my\t backpack\t and thankfully\/mercifully\tdecide\tagainst\tit.\tI\tget\ton\tout\tthere.\tRide\tthe\tbike\tover\tto 22nd,\t and\t then\t up,\t east\t toward\t Craycroft.\t Make\t it\t to\t the\t intersection.\t Locate the\tstrip\tmall\tTempest\tHouse\tis\tin,\tnext\tto\tsome\tfast\tfood\tjoints:\tLittle\tCaesar, etc.\t As\t before,\t I\t chain\t my\t wheels\t to\t a\t street\t sign\t on\t the\t corner,\t a\t third\t of\t a block\taway\tfrom\tthe\tnight\tclub. \t I\twalk.\tHave\tthe\tcamera\tout,\ttake\tfooty\tof\tthe\tbrightly\tlit\tmarque\tabove\tthe entrance: \t FEATURE\tDANCER\tLANA\tLUSH \t SHOWS\tAT\t8:00\t&\t10:00 \t I\t step\t into\t the\t lobby.\t And\t right\t away\t the\t bouncer\t there\t with\t the\t old-style lamb-chop\t sideburns\t confronts\t me:\t No\t video\t taping\t allowed.\t The\t girl,\t also there\t standing\t beside\t him\u2014not\t sure\t what\t her\t function\t is\u2014is\t quiet.\t Not\t very pretty,\ttits\tso-so;\ttoo\tmuch\tmake\tup,\tsays\tnothing.\tI\texplain. \u201cYou\u2019ll\thave\tto\twait\there,\u201d\the\ttells\tme.\tAnd\tgoes\toff\tto\tfind\tsomebody\tto\ttalk to.\t Six-minutes\t later,\t or\t is\t it\t ten-minutes\t later?\u2014a\t big\t burly\t type\t approaches me. \u201cWe\tdon\u2019t\tallow\ttaping\tin\there.\u201d I\t explain\t my\t situation\t to\t him:\t Here\t to\t do\t a\t doc\t on\t Lana\t Lush.\t Show\t him\t a business\t card\t with\t Soupy\u2019s\t name\t and\t number,\t and\t the\t name\t of\t his\t video company.","\u201cI\twas\ttold\tto\tsee\ta\tguy\tnamed\tStew.\u201d \u201cI\tunderstand,\tbut\tStew\tisn\u2019t\there\tright\tnow.\tHe\u2019s\tthe\tmanager.\u201d A\t friendly\t sort,\t this\t giant\t is.\t He\t is\t easily\t 6\u20195\u201d,\t but\t well-mannered,\t not\t at\t all rude\tor\tpushy.\tI\tappreciate\tthat,\tI\tdo.\tAm\tshown\tto\tthe\tbar\tand\tinvited\tto\thave a\tseat. \u201cStew\twon\u2019t\tbe\tin\tuntil\tseven,\u201d\the\tsays.\t\u201cYou\tcan\twait\there\tif\tyou\tlike.\u201d\tAnd advised\tme\tnot\tto\tdo\tany\tvideo\ttaping\tuntil\tthe\tmanager\tshowed\tup. I\tnod\tmy\thead,\tagree.\tWhat\telse\twas\tthere\tto\tdo? \u201cI\u2019m\there\tto\tcooperate,\u201d\tI\ttell\thim.\t\u201cWhatever\tyou\tsay.\u201d He\tsmiles.\tLeaves.","Chapter\t123 I\u2019m\t by\t myself.\t Not\t many\t people\t in\t the\t joint.\t Music\t is\t loud\/blasting\/shaking the\tfloor\tand\twalls.\tThey\u2019ve\tgot\tthe\tusual\tDJ\tin\this\televated\tbooth\ttalking\tjive. Mr.\t Hip\t Jive-Ass\t Jiver.\t I\t don\u2019t\t like\t bars\/clubs\/places\t like\t this.\t Barflies\t and nothing.\tDead-end.\tCon.\tNo\tmore\tthan\ta\tmirage. They\u2019ve\tgot\tone\tmain\tstage,\ta\tcage\tto\tthe\tleft\tof\tit,\tand\tanother\tsmaller\tstage to\tthe\tright\twith\ta\tbackground\tconsisting\tof\tthree\tlarge\tmirrors.\tThe\tgirls\tare skinny,\t swaying\t slowly,\t a\t conscious\t effort\t to\t conserve\t energy.\t Skinny\t chicks. No\t butt,\t no\t real\t tits.\t Skinny\t is\t a\t turn\t off.\t There\t is\t a\t sadness\t to\t all\t this,\t a pointlessness.\t I\t like\t knocking\t boots\t as\t much\t as\t anybody,\t but\t this\t here\t in\t this club\t was\t nothing\t more\t than\t pathetic.\t I\t didn\u2019t\t like\t being\t here.\t Made\t you\t feel that\tthe\twomen\tshouldn\u2019t\thave\tto\tbe\there\tthemselves,\thumiliating\tthemselves like\t this.\t It\t was\t a\t depressing\t scenario.\t Not\t just\t that,\t not\t only\t that\u2014there\t was nothing\tfaintly\terotic\tabout\tany\tof\tit. \t A\tpretty\tLatina,\tyoung,\ttakes\tthe\tstool\tnext\tto\tmine.\tShe\tsmiles.\tI\tsmile\tback. She\torders\ta\tclub\tsoda,\tsips\tthrough\ta\tstraw.\tShe\u2019s\tinterested\tto\tknow\twhat\tI\u2019m doing\tinside\tthe\tclub\twith\ta\tvideo\tcamera.\tI\ttouch\ton\tit\tbriefly\tthis\ttime. \u201cI\t guess\t her\t fans\t are\t interested\t in\t knowing\t more\t about\t Lana\t Lush,\t the behind\tthe\tscenes,\tall\tthat.\u201d She\tnods.\tA\tnice,\tfriendly\tgirl. \u201cYou\tlike\tworking\there?\u201d\tI\task. She\tpauses,\tsays:\t\u201cI\tlike\tthe\tmoney.\u201d No,\t they\t don\u2019t\t like\t it.\t It\u2019s\t a\t job.\t That\u2019s\t what\t it\t is.\t Job.\t It\u2019s\t a\t living.\t We\t are both\t silent.Then\t another\t one\t walks\t up\t in\t white\t six-inch\t platforms.\t White short-shorts,\tso\tshort\ther\tasscheeks\tare\tclearly\thanging\tout.\tLayers\tof\twarpaint on\ther\tface.\tStrawberry\tblond\thair\tin\ta\tbun\tup-top\tand\ta\tlong\tponytail\ttwo-feet long.\tBit\tof\ta\tderri\u00e8re,\ta\tbit\tmore\tso\tthan\tsome\tin\tthe\tplace,\tbut\treally\tno\tgreat figure.\tShe\tdid\thave\tthe\twalk\tdown:\tflamboyant\tand\tridiculously\texaggerated.","None\t of\t it\t was\t remotely\t interesting.\t They\t were\t making\t a\t buck,\t and\t I\t was trying\t to\t make\t a\t buck.\t Life.\t Life\t can\t suck\t sometimes,\t pal.\t Yeah,\t tell\t it\t to\t all those\thomies\tin\tball\tcaps\twho\tsweated\ttheir\tasses\toff\tduring\tthe\tweek\tat\tsome soul-crushing\t blue-collar\t gig\t and\t were\t in\t here\t now\t to\t have\t a\t beer,\t a\t laugh\t or two\tand\tforget\tabout\tthat\tdemoralizing\tjob\tthey\twere\tgoing\tto\thave\tto\treturn to\tcome\tMonday\tmorning. Life.\tTraps.\tStuck.\tWe\tall\twere. \t The\tblond\tleaves.\tAm\tglad.\tI\tliked\tthe\tLatina.\tPretty\tgirl.\tPersonable.\tA\tnice human\tbeing.\tI\task\tif\tshe\u2019s\tmarried\tor\thas\ta\tboyfriend. \u201cBoyfriend,\u201d\t she\t says\t with\t a\t shrug.\t But\t then\t the\t DJ\t announced\t her\t name, and\t that\t it\t was\t time\t for\t her\t to\t go\t up\t on\t stage\t and\t do\t her\t thing.\t I\t don\u2019t\t feel good\t about\t it.\t I\t don\u2019t\t feel\t good\t for\t her.\t She\t shouldn\u2019t\t have\t to\t do\t this\t if\t she doesn\u2019t\tfeel\tright.\tBills.\tBills\tgot\tto\tbe\tpaid. Stew,\t the\t manager,\t walks\t up.\t In\t his\t 30s.\t Maroon\t shirt.\t Short\t hair.\t Neatly coiffed.\tWe\tshake.\tEverything\tis\tfine. \u201cLana\t won\u2019t\t be\t in\t until\t ten-minutes\t to\t eight.\t I\u2019ll\t take\t you\t in\t the\t dressing room\tand\tintroduce\tyou\tto\ther,\u201d\the\tsays.\tWalks\toff.","Chapter\t124 The\t steady\/relentless\t base\t drum\t pounding\t is\t hurting\t my\t ears\t at\t this point.\tIt\tis\t7:35\tand\tI\tstand\ton\tmy\tfeet,\twalk\tout\tto\tthe\tlobby\tto\twait.\tI\tshoot footy\tof\tthe\tposter\tthey\thave\tof\tLana\tLush\ttaped\tto\ta\tlarge\tmirror\ton\tthe\twall. Great\t shot\t of\t her:\t tanned\t ass\t stuck\t out,\t both\t watermelon\t tits\t held\t up\t in\t her hands,\tgrinning.\tShe\tnever\tdid\tanything\tfor\tme.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tcare\tfor\tthis\tchick.\tNo real\t charisma\t or\t knew\t how\t to\t turn\t a\t man\t on.\t Didn\u2019t\t know\t how\t to\t suck\t or screw.\tCaught\ther\tin\ta\tporn\tvideo\tor\ttwo\tin\tthe\tpast.\tDud.\tNo\tturn\ton.\tCould be\tin\treal\tlife\tshe\twas\ta\tmuff-diver.\tPreferred\teating\ttwat\tto\tblowing\tdick.\tThat was\t the\t word.\t Lana\t preferred\t snatch\t to\t tubesteak.\t OK.\t Figures.\t Could\t be\t why she\t overacted\t in\t those\t videos\t with\t men,\t why\t all\t the\t fake\t moans\t and\t groans and\t bogus\t carrying\t on.\t Somebody\t needed\t to\t let\t her\t know\t that\t the\t fakery wasn\u2019t\tnecessary\tand\tthat\tit\twasn\u2019t\tworking. But\t what\t do\t I\t care?\t It\u2019s\t a\t job.\t Maybe\t I\u2019d\t be\t compensated\t properly\t for\t my time.\tEntire\tSaturday\tlost\tfor\tthis. I\t finish\t shooting\t the\t lobby\t poster\t and\t showtimes\t for\t Lana\t Lush\t with\t the airbag\tjugs\tand\tI\tcan\thear\tthe\tmanager\t(as\the\tapproaches\tthe\tlobby\tin\ta\thurry; a\t harried-tone\t to\t his\t voice),\t \u201cWhere\u2019s\t that\t camera\t guy?\t Where\u2019s\u2014\u201d\t Stops\t mid- sentence\t when\t he\t sees\t me\t standing\t there\t in\t front\t of\t him.\t \u201cGot\t bad\t news\t for you,\u2019\t he\t says.\t \u201cIt\u2019s\t off.\t Just\t talked\t with\t the\t owner\t on\t the\t phone\t and\t there\t is definitely\tnot\tto\tbe\tany\tvideo\ttaping\tinside\tthe\tclub.\u201d I\tstood\tthere,\tstaring\tat\thim. \u201cYou\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tbe\tkidding\tme.\u201d He\tshook\this\thead. \u201cSorry.\tNo\tvideo\ttaping\tin\tthe\tclub.\u201d I\tnodded.\tSaid:\t\u201cAll\tright.\u201d He\t walked\t off.\t I\t thanked\t the\t bouncer\t with\t the\t lamb-chop\t sideburns\t for\t his courtesy\tand\tstepped\toutside.\tI\tfigured\tI\twould\twait\tfor\teither\tRenna\tor\tSoupy","to\tshow.\tRenna\thad\tsaid\tshe\twould\tswing\tby\tat\teight,\tafter\ta\tdinner\tshe\thad\tto go\tto\tfirst. I\twaited. Looked\t at\t my\t watch.\t Eight\t o\u2019clock.\t No\t Renna,\t no\t Soupy\t Sandwich.\t Peeps keep\t pulling\t up\t in\t their\t cars.\t Parking\t lot\t was\t filling\t up.\t Lana\t Lush\t was\t a drawing\t card.\t She\t packed\t them\t in.\t Now\t and\t then\t there\t would\t be\t an unattractive\t woman\t or\t two,\t but\t for\t the\t most\t part\t it\t was\t guys.\t Usually\t short- haired.\tMilitary?\tCould\tbe.\tDavis-Monthan\twas\tnearby. And\t then\t a\t short,\t uber\t thin,\t ash-blond\t stepped\t out\t of\t the\t club\t to\t have\t a smoke.\tShe\tappeared\tnervous.\tDressed\tin\tbaggy\tjeans\tand\tsweatshirt.\tBig\tnose, large\tdark\teyes.\tSneakers.\tShe\tdragged\ton\ther\tbutt.\tRestless.\tOne\tsecond\tshe\u2019d be\t seated\t on\t the\t bench\t there,\t and\t the\t next\t up\t and\t pacing\t about,\t nervously checking\tout\tthe\tparking\tlot,\tthe\tcars\tthat\tpulled\tin.\tWaiting\tfor\tsomebody. \t I\t asked\t if\t she\t was\t a\t dancer,\t (as\t I\t wouldn\u2019t\t allow\t myself\t to\t believe\t that\t she could\tbe,\tnot\twith\ther\tappearance\tand\tlack\tof\tlooks).\tI\twas\tcurious\tand\tlooking for\ta\tway\tto\tkill\tsome\ttime. She\t was\t a\t dancer\t indeed.\t Had\t worked\t three\t hours\t and\t only\t made\t twenty dollars. \u201cI\tcould\tdo\tbetter\tat\tCircle\tK,\u201d\tshe\tsaid\twith\ta\tshrug. \u201cWhat\tdid\tyou\tdo\tbefore?\u201d\tI\tasked. \u201cDaycare,\u201d\tshe\toffered. I\tdidn\u2019t\tknow\twhat\tto\tsay\/how\tto\treact\tto\tit. \u201cYou\twere\tsupposed\tto\tlaugh.\tEverybody\tlaughs\twhen\tthey\thear\tthat.\u201d I\tnodded.\tIt\twas\tfunny\tat\tthat,\tbut\texplained\tI\thadn\u2019t\twanted\tit\tto\tseem\tthat\tI was\tlaughing\tat\ther. \u201cIt\u2019s\tnot\twhat\tpeople\tthink,\u201d\tshe\tsaid.\t\u201cWe\tdon\u2019t\tmake\ta\tlot\tof\tmoney\there.\u201d She\t asked\t who\t I\t was\t and\t what\t I\t was\t doing.\t I\t let\t on\t about\t the\t Lana\t Lush documentary.\tThat\tmade\ther\tchuckle. \u201cI\u2019m\tsure\tthat\u2019s\ther\toriginal\tname,\u201d\tshe\tsaid. She\t was\t on\t the\t cynical\/angry\t side,\t and\t from\t where\t I\t stood\t it\t was understandable. \u201cLife\u2019s\ta\tbitch.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\teasy\tenough\tfor\tme\tto\trelate,\u201d\tI\ttold\ther.","She\t nodded.\t Had\t a\t young\t son\t she\t was\t raising\t by\t herself.\t Jobs\t that\t paid anything\twere\tscarce.\tI\tunderstood\tbetter\tthan\tshe\twould\tever\tknow.\tAnd\tthen a\tchick\tdrove\tup\tin\ta\tsedan,\tan\tacquaintance\tof\tthe\tthin\tone\u2019s.\tMy\tnew-found friend\tran\tover\tto\tthe\tdriver\u2019s\tside.\tWas\tback\tin\tanother\tminute. \u201cI\thate\tthat\tshit;\twhen\tpeople\tcheck\tup\ton\tyou\tlike\tthat,\u201d\tshe\tsaid,\tdragging on\ther\tbutt. I\tasked\twho\tit\twas. \u201cA\t friend,\t somebody\t I\t know.\t Not\t a\t real\t friend.\t This\t guy\t I\t was\t seeing\t and split\t up\t with\t keeps\t her\t checking\t up\t on\t me.\t Hate\t that\t shit.\t I\u2019m\t at\t work.\t Where the\t fuck\t else\t would\t I\t be?\t He\u2019s\t got\t my\t so-called\t friend\t checking\t up\t on\t me\t for him.\u201d\tShe\tshook\ther\thead. I\tliked\ther.\tNot\tanywhere\tnear\tmy\ttype.\tNo\tcurves,\tno\tlooks.\tDoesn\u2019t\tknow how\tto\tdress.\tNo\tmakeup,\tor\tenough\theight.\tNot\tmuch\treally\tgoing,\tbut\tI\tliked the\t human\t being.\t She\t was\t doing\t what\t she\t could\t to\t have\t some\t kind\t of\t life\t for herself\tand\ther\tkid. \t I\twanted\tto\thave\tmore\ttime\twith\ther,\tjust\tto\tkeep\ttalking\tlike\tthis.\tShe\twas good\t company.\t I\t went\t into\t my\t background\t a\t bit:\t raised\t in\t Chicago\/gone\t to Nam\t and\t having\t moved\t to\t LA\t after\t I\t got\t out\t of\t the\t army.\t The\t struggles\t out there\tto\tmake\tit\tas\ta\tfilmmaker\tfor\tover\ttwenty\tyears\u2014and\tfinally\thaving\thad my\tass\thanded\tto\tme\tfor\tall\tthose\tdues,\tan\tendless\tparade\tof\tdues\tand\tstruggle and\tmeasly\texistence\tin\tfurnished\tapartments\tand\trooming-houses. And\there\tI\twas,\tat\tmy\tage,\tnot\teven\table\tto\tscrape\ttwo\tnickels\ttogether.\tAnd it\t wasn\u2019t\t being\t done\t in\t any\t \u201cwoe\t is\t me\t fashion,\u201d\t either.\t Merely\t stated\t as\t fact. Hey;\t it\t was\t no\t different\t for\t so\t many\t of\t us.\t And\t I\t still\t believed\t in\t the country\/the\t system\/flag.\t Democracy;\t all\t of\t it.\t The\t missteps\t were\t my\t own, owned\tby\tme.\tThere\twas\tno\tfinger-pointing\tgoing\ton\there.\tIt\twas\tall\ton\tCash Register.\t I\t could\u2019ve\t pursued\t a\t \u201clegit\u201d\t career\/something\/anything\t with\t real prospects:\t either\t in\t the\t white-collar\t sector\t or\t even\t blue\u2014or\t in-between\t collar. But\t no;\t I\t had\t to\t fall\t in\t love\t with\t books\t and\t writing,\t cinema.\t Was\t there\t a choice?\tDid\tI\ttruly\thave\ta\tsay\tin\tthe\tmatter?\tBooks\/writing\tsaved\tmy\tlife\tmore times\t than\t I\t can\t recall.\t Books\/jazz\/running;\t the\t occasional\t great\t flick.\t But\t it came\tdown\tto\tbooks\tmainly.\tWriting.","I\t knew\t what\t she\t was\t talking\t about.\t I\t got\t it.\t She\t looked\t at\t me,\t nodded.\t She reminded\t me\t of\t a\t swallow,\t a\t sparrow,\t or\t a\t hummingbird.\t Like\t the\t others earlier,\t I\t felt:\t she\t shouldn\u2019t\t have\t to\t work\t in\t a\t dive\t like\t this\t for\t a\t buck.\t She should\u2019ve,\tinstead,\tbeen\tdoing\tsomething\ta\tlittle\tbetter\/easier\/civilized. Alas,\ther\tride:\told,\tred\tpickup\tdrove\tup.\tThere\twas\ta\tgrizzled\twhite\tmale\tat the\twheel.\tAbout\t50.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tknow\twhat\tit\tmeant.\tOr\tmaybe\tI\tdid. \u201cSorry,\tbut\tI\tgotta\tgo,\u201d\tshe\tblurted\tmy\tway,\tand\tran\toff\tto\tthe\tpickup. \u201cSee\tya,\u201d\tI\tsaid,\tand\twas\tleft\tby\tmyself.","Chapter\t125 Inside\t the\t club\t things\t were\t clearly\t heating\t up.\t The\t booming\/powerful voice\t of\t the\t DJ\t could\t be\t heard\t coming\t through\t the\t speakers\t as\t he\t introduced Lana\tLush\tto\tthe\taudience,\tlisting\tthe\tcountless\tmagazine\tcovers\tshe\u2019d\tgraced, the\tmany\tvideos\tshe\u2019d\tstarred\tin,\tthe\ttelevision\ttalk\tshows;\tall\tof\tit\t.\t.\t.\tand\tthis intro\t went\t on\t for\t minutes.\t You\t could\t hear\t him\t and\t the\t guys\t inside\t whistling and\t making\t a\t general\t ruckus.\t There\t was\t no\t denying\t I\t wished\t I\t was\t back\t in there,\t just\t to\t check\t her\t out,\t even\t though\t she\t was\t far\t from\t my\t type.\t It\t would have\tbeen\tnice\tto\thave\tbeen\table\tto\ttake\ta\tgander\tand\tlater\t(let\tmy\tbuddies\tin LA\t know)\t that\t I\t saw\t her\t do\t her\t thing\t on\t stage\t with\t those\t cosmetically- enhanced\tbasketball\tjugs\tof\thers. I\tcould\thave\teasily\tgone\tback\tinside\twithout\teven\thaving\tto\tpay\tthe\t$6\tcover with\tthe\t Tucson\tWeekly\t ad\t I\t had\t in\t my\t pocket;\t could\t have\t easily\t withdrawn enough\t cash\t from\t the\t ATM\t in\t the\t lobby\t to\t cover\t the\t two-drink-minimum\t (or whatever\tthe\thell\tit\twas),\tbut\tI\tdidn\u2019t\/wouldn\u2019t.\tI\u2019d\twanted\tit\tmy\tway,\tdone\tthe right\tway:\tthe\tfilming\/interview,\tand\tthen\twould\thave\/might\teven\thave\tasked to\t have\t my\t picture\t taken\t with\t Ms.\t Lana\t Lush.\t But\t since\t that\t was\t not\t to\t be,\t I was\t determined\t not\t to\t go\t in\t and\t just\t say\t Fuck\t It.\t Fuck\t the\t whole\t incompetent way\tthe\tentire\tfiasco\thad\tbeen\torchestrated. \t She\twas\tout\ton\tstage\tevidently.\tYou\tcould\thear\tthe\tcrowd\u2019s\tresponse.\tMusic rose\t plenty.\t I\t waited.\t Hoping\t still\t Renna\t or\t Soupy\t (whom\t I\t had\t yet\t to\t meet) would\tappear\tand\tsmooth\tthings\tover\twith\tthe\tclub\u2019s\tmanager. \t By\t9\tp.m.\tLana\twas\tdone\twith\ther\tfirst\tshow.\tI\tstepped\tback\tinside\tthe\tlobby and\tasked\tMr.\tSideburns\tif\tI\tmight\tstill\tbe\table\tto\tinterview\ther\tin\ther\tdressing room.\tHe\tsaid\the\u2019d\thave\tto\tokay\tit\twith\tLana,\twho\twas\tbusy\thaving\ther\tpicture taken\t by\t guys\t in\t the\t audience.\t This\t went\t on\t for\t twenty-minutes,\t while\t I waited,\thoping\tto\tsalvage\twhat\tremained\tof\tthe\tdwindling\tevening.","Nine-thirty\tat\tthis\tpoint.\tStill\twaiting.\tI\u2019m\tno\tquitter.\tWhen\tam\thired\tto\tdo\ta job\tI\tintend\tto\tget\tthe\tjob\tdone.\tDon\u2019t\tlike\tto\tgive\tup.\tNo\tway,\tno\tsir. I\t stepped\t back\t outside\t to\t get\t away\t from\t the\t blasting\t rock\t \u2019n\t roll,\t the\t worst kind.\t It\t was\t senseless,\t pounding,\t heavy\t drum\t beat.\t Noise.\t Hades\t in\t a\t jive topless\t joint.\t Customers,\t guys\t who\t had\t first\t appeared,\t had\t gone\t inside\t at\t the beginning\t of\t my\t waiting\t period\t were\t now\t leaving\t the\t club\t and\t seeking\t to\t go elsewhere,\tgreener\tpastures,\tfound\tit\tdifficult\tto\tsee\tme\tstill\thanging\taround. \u201cBeen\t out\t here\t about\t three-hours\t now,\t ain\u2019t\t you?\u201d\t one\t friendly\t black\t dude remarked\tas\the\twalked\tto\this\tcar.\tI\tnodded. \u201cYou\u2019re\tright.\u201d He\tshook\this\thead. Another\tguy\temerged,\twondered\tif\tI\u2019d\tgot\tstuck\twithout\ta\tride. \u201cWaiting\tfor\tsome\tpeeps\tI\twork\twith,\u201d\tI\texplained.\tHe\tnodded\twith\ta\tsmile, and\twalked\ton\tto\this\tcar.\tThen\tStew,\tthe\tso-called\tmanager,\tstepped\tout,\ton\this way\tto\tbuy\tsome\tgrub\tnearby,\tno\tdoubt. I\task\thim\twhat\tI\tasked\tthe\tbouncer\tearlier:\tWould\tit\tbe\tpossible\tto\tinterview the\tstripper\tin\ther\tdressing\troom?\tHe\twalks\tpast\tme.\tSays: \u201cI\u2019ll\tsee\twhat\tshe\tsays.\u201d It\t was\t then\t I\t decided\t I\u2019d\t had\t enough.\t It\t was\t ten-o\u2019clock\t and\t too\t cold\t to\t be hanging\taround\tthis\tgoddamned\tmotherless\tvenue.\tMany\tdancers\tthat\tI\u2019d\tseen doing\ttheir\troutines\tearlier\twere\tnow\tin\ttheir\tstreet\tclothes\tand\tbeing\tescorted by\t boyfriends\t and\/or\t husbands\t and\/or\t other\t family\t members\t to\t their\t cars\t in the\tlot.\tIt\twas\talso\ttime\tfor\tthis\t\u201ccinephile\u201d\tto\tleave\tas\twell. \t I\twalk\tto\tthe\tcorner,\tcursing\tunder\tmy\tbreath.\tWhat\ta\tload.\tI\tprepare,\tI\u2019m\ton time\u2014and\tpeople\tlet\tyou\tdown.\tEverything,\tall\tof\tit,\thad\talready\tbeen\t\u201cset\tup\u201d by\tRenna\tand\tSoupy.\tWhat\tI\thad\tbeen\ttold.\t.\t.\t.\tI\tunchain\tmy\tbicycle.\tRealize\tI\u2019d left\tthe\thandlebar\tlight\tin\tmy\tother\tpack\tback\tat\tthe\thouse.\tCould\tget\tstopped for\tnot\thaving\tit. I\u2019m\ton\tthe\tbike\tand\tglide\ton\thome,\tshivering\tin\tthe\tchill\tFebruary\tnight\tair in\ta\tcity\tcalled\tTucson.","Chapter\t126 I\tstopped\t by\tthe\tfactory\t on\tMonday\tto\ttell\tthem\tI\twas\tquitting.\tAnd,\tI suppose,\t more\t importantly,\t my\t reason\t for\t going\t down\t there\t was\t in\t the\t hope I\u2019d\tsee\tthe\twoman\twho\u2019d\thired\tme\tinitially,\tand\texclaimed\u2014upon\tmulling\tover my\t application:\t \u201cYou\u2019re\t single!\u201d\t I\t had\t so\t wanted\t to\t see\t her\t one\t final\t time\t and say\tgood-bye\tin\tperson. As\t I\t reminded\t the\t receptionist\t that\t my\t goggles\t and\t cutters\t were\t inside\t my metal\tbox\tand\tthat\tthey\tcould\tjust\tcut\tthe\tlock\toff,\tthe\twoman\tI\thad\twanted\tto see\tand\tsay\tadios\tto\thappened\tto\twalk\tby. I\tremoved\tthe\tsunglasses\tI\u2019d\tworn\twhile\tbiking\tit\tdown.\tClued\ther\tin\tbriefly. She\tnodded.\tThe\tcheck\twould\tbe\tmailed\tto\tme.\tSeeing\ther\tagain\twas\ta\tfurther reminder:\t This\t was\t another\t one\t with\t nice\t legs\t and\t figure,\t and\t most\t of\t all, pleasant\tdemeanor.\tNot\texactly\ta\tstunner\t(if\tone\tdid\tnot\tbother\tto\tlook\tbeyond the\t face),\t the\t hair\t could\t have\t used\t a\t stylist\u2019s\t touch,\t something\u2014and\t yet\t there was\t no\t denying\t there\t was\t plenty\t that\t was\t appealing:\t she\t had\t the\t hips,\t the height;\twore\tstylish\theels\tand\tthe\talways\tclassy\tskirt\tand\tblouse. I\t love\t a\t groomed\t woman\t who\t takes\t pride\t in\t her\t appearance\t and\t this\t one obviously\tdid.\tThe\tlady\thad\teven\twalked\tpast\tmy\ttable\tonce\tor\ttwice,\tstealing glances\tmy\tway\tduring\tthe\tsix\tmonths\tI\tlabored\taway\tinside\tthe\tinner\tbowels of\tthe\tbeast\tthat\twas\tthe\tfactory. It\tnever\tonce\toccurred\tto\tme\twhy\tshe\u2019d\tnever\tmade\tso\tmuch\tas\tan\teffort\tto approach\t me:\t being\t in\t management,\t she\t could\t not\t make\t a\t move\t without risking\t her\t position.\t And\t me\u2014feeling\t less-than-positive\t about\t being\t an\t effing factory-hand\t and\t my\t situation\t in\t general\u2014I\t never\t indicated\t I\t was drawn\/interested,\t and\t let\t another\t potential\t union\t with\t a\t nice\t woman\t slip through\t these\t fingers.\t I\u2019d\t never\t said\t hello,\t let\t alone\t asked\t her\t out.\t Not\t once. Ever.\tThe\tentire\ttime\tI\twas\tthere. Today\twould\tbe\tdifferent.\tI\twould\tsay\tsomething.\tIt\twas\tlame.\tHardly\tenough.\tI knew\tit.\tSo\tbe\tit.\t(When\tyou\tfelt\tbeaten\tdown\tthis\twas\thow\tit\twent.)","\u201cLook,\t you\t always\t came\t across\t as\t down-to-earth\t to\t me,\t for\t what\u2019s\t it\u2019s worth.\u201d \u201cThanks,\u201d\tshe\tsaid.\t\u201cI\ttry.\u201d And\tI\twalked\tout\u2014kicking\tmyself\u2014as\tI\thave\tso\toften\tin\tthe\tpast.\tThis\tis\tthe way\tit\thappened,\tthe\tprice\tyou\tpaid,\twhen\tyou\tfailed\tto\treach\tout\t(the\tfew\/rare times\topportunity\tpresented\titself).","Chapter\t127 I\t was\t back\t out\t and\t riding\t the\t bicycle\t to\t the\t smut\t offices\t of\t Renna Manley.\tI\treached\tOracle\tand\theaded\tnorth\tfor\ta\tstretch. As\tbefore,\tthe\tdude\twith\tthe\torange\thair\twas\tthere:\ther\thubs\tNoah,\tstanding over\t the\t shoulders\t of\t a\t seated\t Flavio,\t studying\t the\t 3D-graphics\t the\t guy\t had been\tcreating\ton\tthe\tMac\tcomputer\tbefore\thim.\tTouhey\twas\tnot\taround. I\t explained\t to\t Renna\t what\t had\t happened\t at\t the\t strip\t club,\t all\t of\t it,\t the downer;\t club\u2019s\t management\t not\t allowing\t me\t to\t get\t anywhere\t near\t La\t Lush. She\t apologized.\t Said\t there\t must\t have\t been\t some\t misunderstanding\t or something.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tprobe.\tIt\twas\tsafer\tnot\tto.\tShe\tasked\tif\tI\tconsidered\ttaking the\twarehouse\tposition. \u201cI\u2019d\tlike\tto\ttry,\tsure. \u201cWhy\tdon\u2019t\tI\ttake\tyou\tto\tthe\twarehouse\tand\tintroduce\tyou?\u201d It\t was\t then\t the\t Baggett\t character\t walked\t in\t to\t pick\t up\t the\t package containing\t the\t premier\t issue\t of\t Loopy\t Soupy\u2019s\t Sexxx\t Asylum.\t He\t was\t about\t to leaf\t through\t the\t mag.\t Renna\t stopped\t him,\t saying\t it\t was\t the\t first\t issue\t and Soupy\tshould\tbe\tthe\tfirst\tperson\tto\tsee\tit,\tbeing\tCEO\tand\tall. This\t guy\t Bernie\t readily\t nodded\t in\t a\t nervous\t way,\t as\t though\t he\t feared\t the woman.\t I\t would\t eventually\t find\t out\t that\t a\t lot\t of\t people\t feared\t her.\t This\t was, after\t all,\t the\t boss\u2019s\t daughter\t and\t vice\t pres,\t and\t she\t wielded\t enough\t power\t to hire\tand\tfire. She\t then\t said:\t \u201cBernie,\t I\u2019d\t like\t you\t to\t meet\t Cash.\t He\u2019ll\t be\t working\t in\t the warehouse,\ttaking\tover\tfor\tClaude.\u201d We\tshook.\tNeither\tof\tus\twere\tinclined,\tbut\tdid\tshake. \u201cWe\tmet\tthe\tother\tday,\u201d\tI\tsaid\tto\tRenna. Bernard\tBaggett\tpicked\tup\tthe\tFedEx\tbox\tthat\tcontained\tthe\tthree\tcopies\tof the\t magazine\t and\t was\t out\t the\t door.\t Renna\t was\t back\t inside\t her\t private\t office looking\tfor\tsomething.\tWhen\tshe\temerged,\tI\tfollowed\ther\tlead\tand\twe\twere\ton","our\tway\tto\tthe\twarehouse.\tOn\tfoot.\tIt\twas\tbut\ta\tmatter\tof\tcrossing\tthe\tparking lot. \t Feb.\t23,\t1998 \t End\tof\tBook\tOne \t Cash\tRegister\t\u2014\tTucson\tWorking\tStiff\tSeries \t Followed\tby: Loopy\tSoupy\u2019s\tMotley\tCrew Journey\tto\tthe\tEnd\tof\tthe\tWeek A\tConfederacy\tof\tMooks nonentity\t\u2014\tA\tRant\tFor\tThose\tWho\tCan\u2019t You\u2019re\tGonna\tHave\tTrouble","About\tthe\tAuthor Kirk\t Alex\u2019s\t stories\t &\t poems\t have\t appeared\t on\t internet\t sites\t such\t as: http:\/\/scars.tv\/cgi-bin\/framesmain.pl?writers,\t schlock.co.uk., www.fictionontheweb.co.uk,\t https:\/\/literallystories2014.com,\t et\t al.\t His horror\tnovel\tLustmord:\tAnatomy\tof\ta\tSerial\tButcher\twas\ta\tfinalist\tin\tthe\tKindle Book\tReview\u2019s\tBest\tBook\tAwards\tof\t2014.\tHe\tis\talso\tthe\tauthor\tof\tthe\twhacky funeral\t home\t novel\t entitled\t Zook,\t the\t 4-volume\t Edgar\t \u201cDoc\u201d\t Holiday\t thriller series,\tthe\tmulti-volume\tChance\t\u201cCash\u201d\tRegister\tblue-collar\/working\tstiff\tseries, and\ta\tfew\tother\tnovels\tand\tstory\tcollections,\tas\twell\tas\tseveral\tvolumes\tof\tfree verse.","IF\tYOU\tENJOYED\tTHIS\tBOOK\t.\t.\t. Dear\t Reader,\t if\t you\t enjoyed\t this\t book,\t won\u2019t\t you\t please\t consider\t posting\t a review\twherever\tyou\tdeem\tsuitable.\tThank\tyou\tkindly."]
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