["grass.\tI\tchain\tthe\tbike\tto\tthe\tbike\track\tand\tgo\tin. I\tseek\ta\tbit\tof\thelp\tto\tlocate\tthe\tbooks\tam\tlooking\tfor:\tThe\tBalkan\tExpress\tby Slavenka\t Drakulic,\t Love\t Thy\t Neighbor\t by\t Peter\t Mass;\t one\t entitled\t Bosnia,\t A Short\t History,\t and\t another:\t Young\t People\t From\t Bosnia\t Talk\t About\t War.\t Folks who\t work\t in\t this\t library\t are\t eager\t to\t assist.\t It\t means\t a\t lot.\t This\t kind\t of graciousness\t always\t has\t to\t me.\t I\t don\u2019t\t know\t what\u2019s\t on\t the\t above\t floors\t (as\t I don\u2019t\tgo\tbeyond\tthe\tsecond\tfloor). I\tget\tmy\ttitles\tscanned\tin\tthe\tlobby\tand\tride\tthe\tbike\ton\tover\tto\tSpeedway.\tI take\tit\teast,\tstop\tin\tat\tthe\tpost\toffice.\tFind\tmy\tnew\tcheckbooks\tin\tmy\tbox,\tand ride\ton\tback\tto\tthe\tduplex. Feeling\t weak.\t Lack\t of\t food\t will\t do\t it\t to\t you.\t Can\u2019t\t shake\t the\t sadness\t in\t my belly.\t I\t should\t be\t feeling\t better,\t more\t positive\t about\t things\u2014but\t don\u2019t.\t Can\u2019t seem\tto\tshake\tthe\tdread\t(brought\tabout\tby\tmy\tsituation:\ta\tman\tof\t46\tstaring\tat an\t assembly\t job,\t this\t after\t twenty-six\t years\t of\t writing).\t I\t realize\t no\t one\t ever said\tI\u2019d\tbe\table\tto\tmake\ta\tbuck\tat\tthis\tgame,\tstill.\t.\t.\t. \t Bro\u2019s\tcar\tparked\tout\tfront.\tI\tlook\tin\tthe\tmailbox\tfor\tmy\tcheck.\tNo\tmail\tyet. Later,\tafter\tthe\tmailman\thas\tstopped\tby,\tI\ttake\tanother\tpeek\tin\tthe\tmailbox\tto find\t nothing\t in\t it\t for\t me.\t I\t call\t the\t print\t shop\t to\t find\t out\t that\t the\t girl\t had mailed\tmy\tfunds\tlast\tweek.\tIt\tdoesn\u2019t\thelp\tme\tany. I\t explain\t to\t Bro\t why\t I\t hadn\u2019t\t bought\t any\t food.\t He\t says\t he\u2019ll\t get\t some.\t He leaves\t shortly\t after.\t I\t have\t a\t couple\t of\t spoons\t of\t peanut\t butter,\t wash\t it\t down with\twater.\tI\tfind\ta\tcan\tof\tchicken\tsoup,\theat\tit\tup.\tOn\tthe\tsalty\tside.\tI\tchase\tit down\twith\tsome\tice\twater. I\tsit\ton\tthe\tpatio\tas\tgrayish\tshifting\tclouds\tabove\tgrow\teven\tdarker.\tThe\tdog, at\ttimes\tlike\tthis,\tacts\trestless\tand\tpanicky.\tRain\tseems\tto\tscare\tthe\thell\tout\tof her.\tI\tlight\tup\tthe\tstogie\tand\tpat\ther\thead,\ttry\tto\ttell\ther\tto\trelax.\tAin\u2019t\tnothing but\ta\train\tstorm\tbrewing.\tShe\tdoesn\u2019t\tget\tit.\tNever\tsaw\ta\tdog\tthat\tpanicked\tlike this\tdue\tto\tan\timpending\tstorm. I\tfinished\toff\tthe\tstogie,\tfind\tanother\tthere\tin\tthe\tashtray\t(couple\tof\tdays\told and\t far\t from\t fresh),\t fire\t it\t up\t as\t well.\t I\t retire\t to\t my\t room\t and\t start\t reading Balkan\t Express.\t The\t woman\t is\t a\t strong\t writer.\t It\u2019s\t an\t evocative\t work\t that slowly,\t gradually\t (as\t I\t fight\t against\t it)\t creates\t a\t lump\t in\t my\t throat\t .\t .\t .\t just when\tI\tthought\tI\twas\tpast\tfeeling\tthis\tway\tabout\tthe\tkilling\tfields\tof\tBosnia.\t.\t.\t.","Chapter\t66 Rode\tthe\tbicycle\tdown\tto\tFlowing\tWells\tand\tGrant\tthis\tmorning\tto\tsee about\t the\t job.\t About\t thirty\t people\t showed\t up.\t We\t filled\t out\t forms\t and waited.\t Was\t interviewed\t by\t a\t tall\t lady\t with\t brown\t hair\t this\t time.\t Well\t kept. White.\tAbout\t40.\tShe\thad\tmy\tapplication\tin\ther\thands.\tLooks\tup,\texclaiming: \u201cYou\u2019re\tsingle!\u201d I\thad\tno\tidea\twhat\tit\tmeant,\tor\thow\tI\twas\tsupposed\tto\treact,\tbut\tadmitted\tto it: \u201cYes.\tI\tam.\u201d Then\t she\t seemed\t to\t realize\t that\t maybe\t she\t ought\t to\t calm\t down,\t return\t to being\t professional\t and\t business-like,\t and\t her\t eyes\t were\t back\t on\t the application. Although\t not\t a\t breath-taking\t beauty,\t the\t woman\t was\t attractive\t enough, with\t a\t shapely\t figure,\t coiffed\t and\t neatly\t dressed\t in\t a\t classy\t beige\t blouse\t and skirt,\theels.\tBut,\tman,\tmy\tmind\twas\ton\tthe\tcash\tI\tdesperately\tneeded,\tand\tthe fact\tshe\thad\tshown\tgenuine\tinterest\tin\tme\tabsolutely\twent\tright\tover\tmy\thead. It\tdidn\u2019t\teven\tregister\tuntil\tafter,\tway\tafter.\tBut\tbeing\tdemoralized\tat\thaving\tto work\ta\tdemeaning\tcrap\tjob\tlike\tthis\tkept\tme\tfrom\tconsidering\tanything\thaving to\tdo\twith\tromance\tand\tthe\tlibido. Interview\t was\t brief.\t Pleasant.\t A\t rarity.\t Usually\t these\t things\t are\t torture, sheer\ttorture.\tAll\ttold\twas\tthere\tone\thour\tand\ttwenty\tminutes.\tThen\twas\tgiven another\tform,\taddress\twhere\tthe\tclinic\twas\tlocated\tfor\tthe\tdrug\ttest. \u201cCan\tyou\twork\tten-hours\ta\tday?\u201d\tshe\tasked. \u201cSure.\u201d \u201cCan\tyou\twork\ton\tSaturday?\u201d \u201cYes,\u201d\tI\tsaid. \u201cCan\tyou\twork\ton\tthe\tswing\tshift?\u201d \u201cAbsolutely.\u201d","It\t was\t affirmative\t to\t everything.\t Ready\t to\t sign\t your\t life\t away.\t You\t played the\t game\t for\t the\t crumbs\t that\t were\t dangled.\t We\t were\t desperate\t and\t we\t were pathetic.\tAmerica\u2019s\tpoor.\tAnd\tyou\t(almost)\twanted\tto\tlaugh\tat\tthe\tway\tpeople in\tother\tcountries\tsaw\tus:\tWell-off.\tAll\tof\tus.\tLuxury\tcars\tand\twidescreen\ttvs. Homeowners;\twith\tmoney\tin\tthe\tbank\tand\ttrips\tto\tVegas\tand\tCabo\twhenever the\t mood\t struck.\t We\t had\t deep\t pockets\t and\t only\t worked\t for\t something\t to\t do. Millionaires,\t the\t lot.\t Our\t streets\t weren\u2019t\t macadam\t and\t cement.\t No,\t sir.\t Roads here\twere\tpaved\twith\tgold.\tNothing\tless\twould\tdo. Not\tonly\tthat:\tgilded\tsinks\tand\ttaps;\turinals\tand\ttoilets.\tDidn\u2019t\teven\thave\tto wipe\tour\town\tass.\tAmericans\thad\tit\tmade.\tWe\tgot\tfat\ton\tthe\tfinest\tPorterhouse steaks;\tcake\tand\tice\tcream\twhipped\tup\tby\ttop\tpastry\tchefs. \u201cWhat\twe\tmight\tdo\tis\tmove\tyou\taround\tto\tthe\tday\tshift\tif\twe\tneed\tyou.\u201d Swing\t shift\t paid\t $5.95,\t day\t shift\t paid\t just\t under\t five-fifty.\t Anything\t over forty-hours\tis\ttime-and-a-half.\tYes,\tI\twas\tinterested.\tDamned\tstraight.\tNeed\tthe money.\tNeed\tto\tfind\ta\tplace\tof\tmy\town\tand\ta\tused\tcar\tto\tget\taround\u2014and,\tof course,\t my\t beloved\t books.\t Need\t money\t to\t publish\t my\t beloved\t books! Yessireebob.\tI\u2019ll\tdo\twhat\tI\tcan. \t We\tboth\tstand.\tShake\thands.\tI\tthank\ther\tand\tleave.\tNow\tI\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tlook\tup where\t 4700\t North\t 1st.\t Avenue\t is.\t And\t do.\t And\t it\t ain\u2019t\t even\t close,\t pal.\t In\t the Foothills.\t I\t ride\t up\t Grant\t to\t 1st.,\t and\t go\t north.\t It\u2019s\t windy\t and\t riding\t a\t bicycle against\tthe\twind\tain\u2019t\tfun.\tThe\tharder\tyou\tpedal\tthe\tless\tprogress\tyou\tseem\tto make.\t But\t you\t truck\t on,\t keep\t at\t it.\t It\t feels\t like\t 95\t degrees\t outside,\t or\t higher, could\tbe,\tbut\tyou\tkeep\tright\ton\tpedaling.","Chapter\t67 If\tthe\tFlowing\tWells\tfactory\tis\tseven\tor\teight\tmiles\tfrom\tmy\tabode,\tthis clinic\thas\tgot\tto\tbe\tabout\t12-miles\tfrom\tthe\tfactory.\tA\thaul,\tbaby;\tquite\ta long\thaul.\tSomehow\tI\tmake\tit.\tTake\ta\tsip\tof\tthat\tfoul-tasting\ttap\twater\tI\u2019ve\tgot in\t my\t jug.\t It\u2019s\t warm,\t but\t it\u2019s\t liquid.\t I\t make\t it\t to\t the\t clinic.\t A\t couple\t of Mexicans\tsitting\tthere\talready\twaiting.\tWe\tgreet\teach\tother.\tClinic\tis\tclosed\tfor lunch.\tAn\thour\tlater\tthe\tdoor\topens\tand\twe\tfile\tin. \t A\turine\ttest\tis\trequired\tof\tus.\tThe\tsame\tblack\treceptionist\tI\tmet\tthat\tfirst\tday at\tthe\tplant\tis\there.\tWearing\tlatex\tgloves\ttoday,\tshe\thands\tme\ta\tplastic\tcup. \u201cPee\tin\tthe\tcup\tuntil\tyou\thave\treached\tthis\tmark,\u201d\tshe\tinstructs. I\tnod. \u201cDon\u2019t\tflush\tthe\ttoilet\tor\tturn\tthe\tfaucet\ton\tuntil\tafter\tyou\thave\thanded\tthe sample\tto\tme.\u201d I\t agree.\t Of\t course.\t Do\t as\t told.\t Return\t to\t the\t john\t across\t the\t hallway,\t flush away,\twash\tmy\thands,\twish\tthe\tothers\tin\tthe\twaiting\troom\tgood\tluck\tand\tam back\t outside\t on\t the\t bicycle\t in\t the\t Arizona\t heat.\t But\t it\t feels\t okay\t somehow;\t it feels\t all\t right.\t All\t I\t want\t is\t a\t chance\t to\t make\t a\t buck,\t move\t out\t of\t Bro\u2019s\t place and\tstart\tmy\town\/new\tlife\there\tin\tTucson.\tI\tstill\tthink\tabout\tgetting\tmarried\t.\t. .\tbut\tone\tcan\u2019t\tso\tmuch\tas\tbreathe\twithout\ta\tpaycheck\t.\t.\t.\tand\tdoing\tit\tsolo\tis going\tto\thave\ta\tHARD\tTIME\tOF\tIT. Some\t guy\t on\t a\t bicycle\t passes\t me\t somehow.\t Am\t quite\t baffled.\t You\t see,\t this guy\u2019s\t bicycle\t is\t loaded\t down\t with\t plastic\t bags\t full\t of\t groceries:\t He\u2019s\t got\t four hanging\tfrom\tthe\thandlebar\tand\the\u2019s\tgot\ta\tcouple\tmore\ttied\tto\tthe\tback\twheel. How\u2019s\t he\t doing\t it?\t How\t is\t he\t able\t to\t keep\t up\t ahead\t of\t me\t like\t that?\t He\u2019s\t gotta be\ta\tyounger\tdude.\tThe\theat\tis\tmerciless.\tThroat\tdry;\tweak,\tfeel\tweak\t.\t.\t.\tall\tI\u2019d had\t for\t breakfast\t was\t that\t one\t hard-boiled\t egg.\t That\t egg\t is\t not\t giving\t me\t the power\t it\t takes\t to\t ride\t a\t bicycle\t this\t great\t distance.\t The\t butt\/legs,\t sore.\t I dismount\tfrom\ttime\tto\ttime\tand\twalk\tit\toff,\tthen\tjump\tback\ton.","I\tmake\tit\tto\tGrant,\treach\tPark\tand\ttake\tthat\tsouth.\tSay\thello\tto\ta\tcoed\tor\ttwo riding\tfrom\tthe\tU\tof\tA.\tThey\talways\tsmile,\twave\thello.\tA\tfriendly\tbunch.\tI\tlike that\tabout\tTucson. I\t cruise\t the\t rest\t of\t the\t way\t in,\t no\t choice.\t Depleted.\t Weaker\t than\t ever.\t Feel like\tI\u2019m\tabout\tto\tpass\tout,\tmy\tfriend\t.\t.\t.\tbut\tI\thang\tin\tthere.\tAm\tthinking,\tand this\tkeeps\tme\tgoing,\tif\tmy\tcheck\tis\tin,\tand\tit\tshould\tbe,\tmy\tlast\tcheck\tfrom\tthe print\tshop,\tam\tgoing\tto\tcash\tit,\ttake\tBro\tout\tto\tdinner\tat\tBoston\tMarket.\tI\towe him\tthat.\tI\towe\thim\ta\tlot\tmore,\tbut\twhen\tthe\twallet\tis\tthin,\twhat\tcan\tyou\tdo? In\tthe\tfuture,\twhen\tthe\tbooks\thit\tbig,\tthe\tBIG\tTIME,\tam\tgoing\tto\tgive\tthe\tkid\ta few\tgrand\tand\tsay:\tHere.\tLive\tit\tup.\tI\towe\tyou\tthis. \t I\t reach\t the\t duplex,\t open\t the\t mailbox,\t only\t to\t find\t a\t bunch\t of\t junk\t mail. What\tgives?\tPaycheck\tshould\thave\tbeen\there\talready.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tget\tit.\tIt\thas\tbeen a\t whole\t week\t and\t three\t days.\t Could\t be\t the\t long\t holiday\t weekend\t screwed things\tup\tat\tthe\tpost\toffice. I\tgo\tinside,\tfill\tthe\ttumbler\tfull\tof\tice\twater\tand\tdrink\tit\tdown.\tSweat\tpours. The\t other\t hard-boiled\t egg\t is\t there.\t I\t crack\t it\t open,\t sprinkle\t it\t with\t salt\t and chow\t down.\t A\t short\t while\t later\t Bro\t shows\t up\t with\t groceries.\t I\t have\t a sandwich,\t then\t sit\t down\t to\t the\t typer.\t On\t a\t Wednesday\t afternoon\t in\t Tucson, AZ.","Chapter\t68 Friday.\tStill\tno\tcheck.\tMother\tTeresa\tdied.\tShe\tmay\thave\tbeen\tin\ther\tlate\t80s. Everybody\u2019s\tdropping\toff. Heard\t from\t my\t friend\t Chubby\t Elston,\t (Bubba,\t one\t of\t the\t main\t cannibals\t in the\tBloodsucking\tGeeks\tflick\twe\tmade\tyears\tbefore).\tCalling\tlong\tdistance\tfrom KY.\tSays\the\u2019s\tdoing\ta\tlot\tbetter\tsince\this\tstroke.\tOn\tmedication.\tHe\u2019ll\tbe\ttaking his\theart\tmedicine\t the\t rest\tof\this\t life,\tincluding\taspirin.\tHe\tsays\tit\u2019s\tdifferent for\tpeople\twho\thave\thad\ta\tbypass,\tas\ttheir\tlungs\tare\tclean\tand\tclear.\tIn\this\tcase the\tcholesterol\tlevel\tis\tdown,\tbut\tcould\tbe\teven\tbetter,\taccording\tto\this\tdoctor. He\t says\tone\tof\t the\tnurses\tthere,\ta\t nutritionist,\ttold\thim\tthat\tsmoking\tcaused his\t lungs\t to\t clog\t up.\t It\u2019s\t the\t glue\/adhesive\t in\t the\t tobacco\t that\t choked\t his arteries. He\tsays:\t\u201cAfter\tsomething\tlike\tthat\tyou\u2019re\tnever\tthe\tsame.\u201d He\u2019s\t watching\t what\t he\t eats,\t but\t still\u2014I\t was\t taken\t aback\u2014smokes.\t Not regular\tcigarettes,\tbut\tcigarillos. \u201cThe\tbrown\tkind,\u201d\tsaid\tElston. \u201cI\tknow\twhat\tthey\tare,\tChubby.\u201d I\twas\tsurprised,\tbut\tunderstood\twhen\the\tsaid: \u201cIt\u2019s\thard\tto\tquit.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tsmoke\tthe\tcigars\tbut\tonce\tevery\ttwo\tweeks.\u201d Yep.\tThat\u2019s\tlike\tsaying\tto\ta\twoman\tthat\tyou\u2019ll\tonly\tput\tit\tin\tpart\tof\tthe\tway.\tI let\t it\t go.\t Whose\t life\t was\t it\t anyway?\t I\t loved\t the\t guy\t like\t a\t brother;\t one\t of\t the best\tfriends\tI\tever\thad.\tYou\tjust\tcan\u2019t\ttell\tpeople\thow\tto\tlive\ttheir\tlife.\tI\thad\ta tough\tenough\ttime\tdealing\twith\tmy\town\texistence.","Chapter\t69 Hopped\ton\tthe\tbike\tto\tdrop\toff\ta\troll\tof\tfilm\tat\tthe\tABCO\tsupermarket on\t Speedway.\t Only\t I\t get\t about\t to\t within\t two\t blocks\t and\t the\t front\t tire\t goes flat.\tJust\tlike\tthat.\tThorn.\tThey\u2019re\teverywhere.\tCan\truin\tyour\tday\u2014if\tyou\tlet\tit. I\t ain\u2019t\t lettin\u2019\t it.\t No\t big\t deal.\t I\t carry\t patches\t and\t a\t bicycle\t pump\t in\t my backpack.\t A\t nice\t guy,\t desert\t rat\t type,\t who\t has\t a\t sort\t of\t basket\t on\t wheels attached\tto\this\trear\ttire\t(he\u2019s\tbeen\tchecking\ttrash\tbins\tfor\tsoda\tcans),\tstops\tby to\task\tif\tI\tneed\tassistance. \u201cWanna\tuse\tmy\tbicycle\tpump\tto\tfill\tup\tyour\tfront\ttire?\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve\tgot\tall\tthat\tstuff\twith\tme.\tIt\u2019s\tjust\ta\thassle\tto\thave\tto\tdo\tit.\u201d He\tnods. I\tsay:\t\u201cAnyway\tto\tthorn-proof\tthese\ttires?\u201d \u201cNot\t really,\u201d\t he\t says.\t \u201cShould\t do\t like\t I\t do\t and\t ride\t down\t the\t middle\t of\t the road.\u201d I\tshrug.\t\u201cI\tlike\tto\tstay\tout\tof\ttheir\tway.\u201d \u201cWe\tgot\tjust\tas\tmuch\tright\tto\tthese\troads\tas\tthey\tdo.\tWhat\tthe\tlaw\tsays.\u201d I\tnod.\tAs\the\tpedals\toff\the\tsuggests\tI\tfind\tshade\tto\twork\tin. \t I\t get\t the\t thing\t done,\t make\t it\t to\t the\t market,\t drop\t off\t the\t roll\t of\t film.\t I\t step back\tout\tand\trealize\tI\tstill\thave\ta\tleak\tin\tthe\tfront\ttire.\tI\tpump\tit\tfull\tof\tair\tand decide\ta\tchange\tof\tplans\tis\tin\torder.\tCan\u2019t\tmake\tit\tall\tthe\tway\tout\tto\tK-Mart\t(at Kolb\tand\tBroadway)\tand\thead\tback\tto\tthe\tapt. I\tget\tthe\ttire\tout,\tfind\tthe\tpuncture:\tjust\ton\tthe\tother\tside\tof\tthe\tnew\tpatch.\tI seal\tit,\tput\tthe\ttire\tback\ton.\tLater\tthere\tis\ta\tphone\tcall\tfrom\tthe\tplant. \u201cCan\tyou\tcome\tin\ton\tthe\t9th\tat\t2\tp.m.?\u201d \u201cYes,\tma\u2019am.\u201d \u201cWear\t a\t shirt\t with\t sleeves.\t They\t can\t be\t short\t sleeves,\t as\t long\t as\t it\t is\t not\t a sleeveless\tshirt.\tWear\teither\tsneakers\tor\tboots\u2014no\tsandals.\u201d I\tconfirm\tthe\thourly\trate,\twhich\tis\t$5.95.","Well,\t my\t spirits\t are\t a\t bit\t lifted,\t as\t they\t say.\t Work\t is\t work,\t after\t all.\t Be positive\/look\t positive.\t I\t can\t use\t the\t money.\t I\u2019ve\t got\t this\t book\t on\t my\t mind. Brother,\tdo\tI\tever\u2014and\tfinding\ta\tnew\tapartment,\ta\tused\tcar\tof\tsorts,\ta\tsecured credit\tcard.\t.\t.\t. All\tof\tthis\tis\ton\tmy\tmind.\tCan\tyou\tblame\tme\tfor\twanting\tto\thave\tsome\tkind of\tlife?","Chapter\t70 Gotta\t be\t an\t easier\t way\t to\t make\t a\t buck.\t AZ\t is\t a\t \u201cright-to-work\u201d\t state, meaning\tthey\thave\tthe\tright\tto\tpay\tyou\tslave\twages,\tright\tto\texploit. Second\t day\t on\t the\t job.\t Four-hundred-and-fifty-people\t at\t this\t particular plant.\t Owned\t by\t a\t huge\t UK\t conglomerate.\t They\t own\t a\t gun-manufacturing plant\tas\twell.\tIt\u2019s\tlike\tthe\tflick\tMetropolis\tin\there,\tespecially\twhen\twe\tall\tline\tup to\t clock\t in\/clock\t out.\t Assembly-line\t bots.\t We\t make\t air\t vents,\t all\t kinds.\t Lots\t of machines\t everywhere\t that\t punch\t and\t staple;\t sanders\t with\t sparks\t flying. Burned\t my\t finger\t last\t night.\t Blade\t went\t right\t through\t the\t glove.\t The\t most dangerous\taspect\tis\tall\tthe\ttiny\tTINY\tALUMINUM\tFLAKES\tthat\tblast\tthrough the\t air,\t get\t on\t clothes,\t in\t your\t hair.\t We\t are\t required\t to\t wear\t protective- glasses\/goggles,\tbut\tthat\tdoes\tnot\tprotect\tthe\tmouth\tand\tnose. Makes\tyou\tthink. By\tthe\tend\tof\tthe\tshift\t(TEN-LONG-GRUELING-HOURS\tON\tYOUR\tFEET\tON CEMENT)\t was\t dog-tired\/exhausted,\t brother\u2014EXHAUSTED\t THOROUGHLY. Could\tnot\twait\tfor\tthe\tbuzzer\tto\tgo\toff. We\tget\ta\tcouple\tof\tten-minute\tbreaks,\tthirty\tminutes\tfor\tlunch.\tThe\tpace\tis constant:\t GO\t GO\t GO.\t Everyone\t sweatin\u2019\t it\t out\t for\t that\t measly\t paycheck. We\u2019re\trequired\tto\twork\tten-hours\tMonday\tthru\tThursday,\teight\ton\tFriday\tand six\t on\t Saturday.\t They\u2019re\t murdering\t our\t souls\t for\t a\t measly\t five-ninety-five. Bots\t for\t hire\/automatons.\t You\t bust\t your\t ass\t for\t groceries,\t a\t used bucket\/rent\/some\t bills\/second-hand\t clothes\t bought\t at\t Goodwill\t or\t some\t other thrift\tstore.\tIt\tgoes\ton.\tWorking\tfor\tthe\tMan. They\t also\t do\t painting\t here,\t sheetmetal\t work.\t Lots\t of\t women\t here\t but\t have yet\t to\t find\t anything.\t .\t .\t .\t Lots\t of\t Vietnamese;\t friendly,\t married,\t but\t hardly speak\t English.\t Can\t hardly\t understand\t a\t word\t they\t say.\t They\t are,\t however, helpful.\t Tin,\t one\t of\t the\t Vietnamese\t guys,\t even\t gave\t me\t a\t work\t apron\t to\t use that\the\thad\tbrought\tfrom\thome,\twhich\twas\tgreatly\tappreciated,\tas\tmy\tfirst\tday on\tthe\tjob\tI\truined\ta\tperfectly\tgood\tshirt\tand\twalking\tshorts\tdue\tto\tgrime\tand","all.\t Spent\t over\t three\t hours\t yesterday\t in\t search\t of\t an\t apron\t to\t buy,\t checked various\t hardware\t stores\t and\t other\t places\u2014and\t could\t not\t find\t a\t simple\t thing like\ta\tshop\tapron.\tSo\twhen\tI\tgot\tto\twork\tyesterday\tafternoon\tand\tTin\thanded me\t the\t black\t apron\t it\t meant\t a\t good\t deal\t (as\t I\u2019ve\t got\t to\t take\t care\t of\t what clothes\tI\u2019ve\tgot\tleft). \t One\t good\t thing\t about\t working\t in\t a\t noisy\t hell\t hole\t like\t this\t (that\t shouldn\u2019t be\ttaken\tfor\tgranted)\tis\tthat\tyou\tcan\tfart\tto\tyour\theart\u2019s\tcontent\tand\tno\tone\tis going\tto\tgive\tyou\ta\thard\ttime\tabout\tit.\tMight\tnot\tsound\tlike\ta\tbig\tdeal\tbut\tit\tis \u2014to\t someone\t like\t me,\t with\t a\t serious\t gas\t problem\t &\t have\t a\t need\t to\t liberate\t a backfire\tor\ttwo\tevery\tten\tminutes\tor\tso.\tWhat\u2019s\tbehind\tthe\tmethane?\tCouldn\u2019t tell\tyou.\tMight\tbe\tpeanut\tbutter.\tYou\tgot\tme.\tAll\tI\tknow\tis\tit\u2019s\ta\treal\trelief\tto\tbe able\tto\tbreak\twind\twhenever\tthe\tneed\tarises. And\t so\t at\t the\t end\t of\t the\t ten-hour\t shift\t everyone\t lines\t up\t at\t various\t time- clock\tlocations\tin\tlong\tlines\tand\tclocks\tout\tand\trushes\tout\tto\tthe\tparking\tlot\tin the\t back\t to\t their\t used\t vehicles,\t while\t I\t walk\t to\t my\t K-Mart\t bicycle,\t unchain\t it and\t pedal;\t dog\t tired,\t mind\t you,\t bones\t aching,\t pedal\t the\t seven\t or\t eight\t miles back\thome\tin\ta\tdeserted\ttown\u2014all\tquiet,\tno\ttraffic,\ton\tthe\teerie\tside;\tI\tpedal\ton to\tthe\tapt,\twondering\twhat\thappened\tto\tthe\tgoals\tand\tdreams,\twondering\tand quite\tresigned\tto\tthe\tfact\tam\tjust\tanother\tant\tspinning\twheels\tin\tthe\tquagmire whose\tlife\tnever\tamounted\tto\ta\thill\tof\tpinto\tbeans\t.\t.\t.\tand\tnever\twas\tmeant\tto\t. .\t.\tlike\tso\tmany\tother\tants\tout\tthere,\tlike\tso\tmany\tothers.\t.\t.\t.","Chapter\t71 10:50\ta.m.\tJust\tgot\tup.\tAche\tall\tover.\tPutting\tin\tten-hours\tat\tthe\tplant\twill\tdo it\tto\tyou. A\t pretty\t terrific\t thing\t happened\t last\t night,\t though.\t Tam,\t the\t Vietnamese lady\t who\t works\t in\t my\t area,\t offered\t to\t give\t me\t a\t ride\t home.\t And\t I\t say\t it\t was terrific\t because\t there\t is\t no\t other\t word\t for\t it.\t Incredible.\t You\t see,\t after\t having endured\ta\tlong\tshift\ton\tyour\tsore\tfeet\tand\tlegs\tyou\tare\tnot\tlooking\tforward\tto pedaling\ta\tbike\tfor\tmiles\tup\tGrant\tin\tthe\tdead\tof\tnight.\tNeedless\tto\tsay,\tI\twas quite\tgrateful\tto\tthe\twoman. She\tsaid\tto\tme:\t\u201cMy\thusband\tride\tbicycle\tfor\tsix-months,\tso\tit\thurt\tmy\theart to\tsee\tsomebody\tride\tbicycle\tthat\tway\tafter\twork.\u201d She\tspeaks\tbroken\tEnglish,\tbut\tI\tunderstood. She\tsaid:\t\u201cOne\ttime\tmy\thusband\tride\tbicycle\tto\twork\teighteen-miles\tone\tway. He\tvery\ttire\u2019.\tThen\tgot\tdifferent\tjob.\tHe\tride\tbicycle\tall\ttogether\tfor\tsix-months until\the\tbuy\tcar.\u201d In\t my\t sector\t is\t another\t nice\t woman,\t also\t Vietnamese,\t named\t Ping,\t and\t the half-Vietnamese\/half-black\t guy\t named\t Tin\t who\t gave\t me\t the\t apron.\t Thirty- four.\t Nice\t enough.\t Quiet.\t No\t eyebrows.\t Don\u2019t\t know\t what\t happened\t to\t his brows\u2014and\tscary\tfrom\ta\tcertain\tangle.\tSkinny,\tas\tthey\tusually\tare.\tAbout\t5\u20195\u201d. Hardly\t speaks\t english.\t Out\t of\t thirty\t words\t he\t utters\t I\t might\t make\t out\t three. But\t like\t I\t said,\t a\t quiet\t guy.\t Easy\t going.\t Then\t there\u2019s\t Gaston.\t Canadian originally,\tI\tbelieve,\tin\this\t50s,\twho\tis\tthe\tspot-welder.\tAll\tnice\tfolks.\tHelpful. Seemingly. But\tone\tthing,\tabove\tall\telse,\tthat\tstands\tout\twhen\tit\tcomes\tto\tthe\tpetite\tand thin\t Vietnamese\t people,\t is\t how\t hard\t they\t work.\t What\t workers;\t Lord.\t Gaston said\tto\tme\tthe\tother\tday: \u201cMakes\tme\ttired\tjust\tto\twatch\tthem\twork.\u201d Gaston\tis\tkind\tof\tslow-moving,\tlarge\tand\tlumbering.\tYour\tbasic\toverweight, out-of-shape\t slob.\t He\u2019s\t been\t at\t the\t plant\t since\t \u201983.\t Hair\t longish,\t ash-gray.","About\t6\u20192\u201d.\tQuiet\tdemeanor. \t I\t spot\t Tin\t some\t gas\t money\t each\t week,\t seven\t to\t eight\t bucks\t usually,\t for giving\t me\t a\t lift\t to\t work.\t The\t eight-mile\t haul\t for\t a\t forty-six\t year\t old\t man\t to make\tafter\tworking\ta\tshift\ton\this\tfeet\tis\tno\tpicnic.\tSo\tI\tdo\tappreciate\tthis\tguy\u2019s help.\tHe\thas\tnever\tasked\tfor\tmoney,\tbut\tI\toffer\tit\tjust\tthe\tsame. Tin\u2019s\tlicense\twas\trevoked\tfor\ttwo\tweeks,\tnot\tsure\tfor\twhat\treason.\t(He\u2019s\tgot a\tcourt\tdate\ton\tMonday\tnext.)\tSo\the\thad\tan\tidea. \u201cYou\tgot\tlicense?\u201d\the\tasked,\tbefore\tquitting\ttime\tlast\tnight. \u201cSure.\u201d \u201cYou\twant\tto\tdrive\tmy\tcar?\tYou\tcome\tby\tmy\thouse\tand\tdrive\tme\tand\tyou\tto work\tin\tmy\tcar.\u201d \u201cSure,\u201d\tI\tsaid. \u201cI\tgot\tno\tinsurance,\u201d\the\tsaid.\t\u201cYou\tstill\twant\tto\tdrive?\u201d \u201cYeah.\tIt\tbeats\thaving\tto\tride\tthe\tbicycle\tat\tnight.\u201d Then\tPing\tsaid:\t\u201cYou\tgot\tAmerican\tlicense?\u201d \u201cNo,\tPing,\tI\tgot\tMexican\tlicense.\u201d She\t laughed.\t As\t did\t Tam.\t Had\t heard\t me\t and\t laughed.\t I\t like\t making\t the woman\tsmile.\tThey\tall\tlike\tto\tsmile,\tand\tit\tdoesn\u2019t\ttake\tmuch. Ping\t seems\t to\t be\t in\t charge\t of\t this\t particular\t corner\t of\t the\t plant.\t Pretty knowledgable\t of\t what\t has\t to\t go\t out,\t all\t that.\t She\u2019s\t been\t showing\t me\t what\t to do.\tSo\tfar\thave\tbeen\tassembling\tair-conditioning\tvents. But\there\tit\tis\tafter\t11\tnow\tand\tin\ta\tcouple\tof\thours\tit\twill\tbe\ttime\tto\tgo\tback. The\t working\t man\u2019s\t blues\t .\t .\t .\t never\t end.\t And\t the\t dog\t in\t the\t front\t yard\t is waiting\tto\tbe\tfed\tand\tI\tneed\tto\ttake\ta\tdump.","Chapter\t72 It\u2019s\tFriday\tnight\/or\tearly\tSaturday\tmorning,\twhichever\tyou\tprefer.\tJust got\t in.\t Worked\tonly\t eight\thours\ttoday.\tDrove\tTin\u2019s\tToyota\tin\tto\this\tplace\t (a block\tand\ta\thalf\twest\tof\there),\tthen\trode\tthe\tbicycle\trest\tof\tthe\tway. Got\t to\t be\t at\t work\t by\t 11:15\t Saturday\t morning.\t That\t means\t I\u2019ll\t be\t by\t Tin\u2019s apartment\tat\tabout\tnine.\tDid\ta\tlot\tof\tsanding\tof\tlarge\taluminum\tpanels\t(for\tair ducts).\t Gaston,\t the\t Canadian,\t does\t the\t spot-welding,\t places\t them\t on\t the conveyor\tand\tI\tgo\tover\tthem\twith\tthe\tsander.\tIt\tcauses\ta\tlot\tof\tmetal\tflakes\tto hit\t the\t air,\t not\t unlike\t tiny\t crystals\t and\t dangerous,\t gotta\t be.\t So\t I\t requested\t a face\tmask\tfor\tthe\tsanding\tand\tdid\tit\tthat\tway.\tEveryone\twears\tgoggles\tas\twell (while\tinside\tthe\tplant).\tBest\tto\tbe\tsafe\tthan\tsorry. \t Tomorrow\t is\t a\t six-hour\t day.\t Should\t be\t a\t day\t of\t rest,\t but.\t .\t .\t .\t Won\u2019t\t be getting\ta\tpaycheck\tuntil\tnext\tThursday.\tGot\tto\tstretch\tthe\tbuck,\tmake\tthe\tfood last.\t Bro\t gone\t to\t Arkansas\t to\t visit\t his\t pal\t Boyd\t for\t a\t month.\t Am\t on\t my\t own. Got\t to\t watch\t my\t money,\t got\t to\t find\t a\t place\t of\t my\t own.\t Might\t buy\t Tin\u2019s\t car down\t the\t road.\t He\u2019s\t interested\t in\t selling\t (for\t eight\t hundred).\t It\u2019s\t got\t one- hundred-and-seventy-thousand-miles\t on\t it.\t A\t stick.\t I\t don\u2019t\t care\t for\t manual transmissions.\tWear\tand\ttear\ton\tthe\told\tfoot. \t Saturday\tafternoon.\tGot\tthrough\tanother\tday\tat\tthe\tplant.\tHave\tto\twear\tthe Honcho\tboots\t(and\tthose\tgoddamn\thard\tas\tcement\theels\tdig\tright\tup\tinto\tyour feet,\t particularly\t the\t heel\t part).\t Feet\t still\t sore,\t aching.\t They\t won\u2019t\t allow\t us\t to wear\tsneakers.\tShoes\tmust\thave\tleather\ton\tthem,\tin\tsome\tcases\tmust\tbe\tsteel- toe. Anyway,\twe\tstarted\tat\t10:15\ta.m.\tthis\tmorning\tand\tfinished\tat\t4\tp.m.\tGave\tus one\t fifteen-minute-break\t at\t one\t o\u2019clock.\t I\t stand\t there\t at\t my\t machine\t all\t day long\t making\t screens\t for\t air\t vents\t of\t varying\t sizes,\t etc.\t And\t even\t though\t you","are\tstanding\ton\ta\twooden\tplatform\tthe\tfeet\tstill\tget\tsore.\tCouldn\u2019t\twait\tto\tget the\thell\tout\tof\tthere;\tcouldn\u2019t\twait. \t Stopped\t by\t the\t Circle\t K\t on\t Speedway,\t bought\t half\t gallon\t of\t 2%\t milk\t and\t a large\t box\t of\t doughnuts.\t To\t treat\t myself\t for\t lasting\t five\t days\t at\t the\t plant.\t No check\tuntil\tThursday\u2014and\teven\tthen\twill\thave\tto\tbe\tcareful\twhat\tI\tdo\twith\tit. Stretch\tthe\tbuck,\tmake\tit\tlast. It\u2019s\t raining\t out\t there\t again.\t Flash-flood\t warnings.\t So\t many\t of\t them\t in\t AZ this\ttime\tof\tyear.\tWhen\tdo\tI\tbuy\tmy\tcar?\tOr\thow\tabout\ta\tgood\traincoat?\tThat could\t be\t cheaper.\t Got\t to\t get\t the\t damn\t book\t to\t the\t printer.\t How\t much\t longer do\tI\tkeep\tputting\tit\toff?","Chapter\t73 Just\tabout\t9\ta.m.\tThe\tdog\tbarked\t(or\tthere\twas\tsome\tnoise),\tand\tit\twas\tall\tit took.\tWay\ttoo\ttired\tand\tway\ttoo\tearly\tfor\tme\tto\tbe\tup\t(as\tI\thad\tdropped\tin\tthe sack\tat\t4\ta.m.).\tToday\tis\tpayday.\tWe\u2019ll\tsee. \t At\t the\t plant\t they\t have\t this\t large,\t LARGE\t production\t chart\t posted\t on\t the wall\tnext\tto\tthe\tdrinking\tfountain.\tCurrent\tnumbers\t(they\tclaim)\tare\tbetween one-hundred-thirty-five\tthousand\tto\tone-hundred-fifty-thousand.\tThe\thonchos would\t like\t it\t to\t be\t closer\t to\t one-hundred-and-seventy-five-thousand.\t This\t is what\u2019s\ton\tthe\tgoddamn\tthing.\tNo\tlie,\tpal. Meanwhile,\tthe\tlow-level\tgrunt\tgets\tno\tparticipation,\tnot\tat\t$5.95\tan\thour.\tSo why\tshould\twe\tgive\ta\tdamn?\tGood\tquestion.\tWhile\tthe\tfatcats\tget\tfatter.\tAnd at\tthe\tend\tof\teach\tday\tthey\thave\tus\tfill\tout\ta\tproduction\tsheet.\tWhile\tthere\tis not\t the\t constant\t harassment,\t there\t is\t the\t PRODUCTION\t SHEET\t at\t the\t end\t of the\tshift.\tThat\tmeans\tcertain\tpeeps\tare\tkeeping\ttrack. Three\tdays\tago\tI\tdid\t260\tof\tthose\tair-vent\tthings,\tto\tinclude\tframe\tand\tcore, etc.\t(Frames\tare\treferred\tto\tas\trails,\tby\tthe\tway.)\tThen\tthe\tfollowing\tday\tI\tdid 230.\tAnd\tthen\tlast\tnight\tmy\toutput\treally\tdropped:\tdown\tto\t169. Ain\u2019t\teasy,\tbabe.\tYou\u2019re\ton\tyour\tfeet,\ton\tyour\tfeet.\tFor\tten\tlong\thours\t(save for\ta\tthirty-minute\tlunch\tand\tthe\ttwo\tten-minute\tbreaks).\tSlavery\tis\talive\tand well\tand\tthriving\tin\tTucson. Need\tmore\tsleep.\tShould\tfeed\tthe\tdog.","Chapter\t74 Got\tmy\tcheck\tThursday.\t(All\tof\t$216.00)\tfor\t43\thours.\tYou\tbust\tyour\tass\tfor the\tFAT\tCATS\/CONGLOMERATE\tand\tget\tpeanuts. \t They\thad\tme\tspot-welding\ttoday.\tWas\ton\tit\tfor\ta\tcouple\tof\thours\twhen\tthe damned\t welder\t blew\t up\t right\t before\t me.\t Sparks\t flew,\t etc.\t Gaston,\t the\t 13-year man\t replaced\t the\t bit.\t Some\t people\t work\t seven\t days\t a\t week\t at\t the\t plant,\t the Vietnamese\t and\t the\t Latinos.\t How\t do\t they\t do\t it?\t How?\t I\t tried\t that\t in\t the\t cab and\t ended\t up\t in\t the\t hospital\t with\t pneumonia\t for\t three\t days\t and\t IVs\t in\t both arms.\tSerious\tbusiness. Today\t being\t Friday\t (was\t earlier)\t we\t only\t worked\t eight-\t hours.\t Eight\t is tolerable.\tOkay.\tFeet\tsore,\tbut\tnot\tas\tsore\tas\tthe\tprevious\tfour\tdays.\tAnything past\teight-hours\tis\ta\tkiller,\tamigo.\tThe\tfeet\tgo\tfirst.\tHeels\taching. \t Let\u2019s\t see\t what\t I\t get\t coming\t Thursday,\t what\t kind\t of\t check\t (for\t working\t six days).","Chapter\t75 The\tmost\tdifficult\taspect\tto\tthis\tjob\t(other\tthan\thaving\tto\tstand\ton\tyour feet\t the\t entire\t shift)\t is\t having\t to\t listen\t to\t this\t Vietnamese\t woman named\t Ping\t jabber\t all\t the\t time\t in\t her\t high-pitched\t voice.\t Yes,\t the\t same one\tI\u2019d\tinitially\tthought\twas\tsane\tand\treasonable. It\u2019s\tnerve-wracking.\tShe\tcan\u2019t\tarticulate,\tcan\u2019t\tenunciate;\tall\tshe\tknows\thow to\tdo\tis\tscream. \u201cNo,\tyou\tdo\tthis\tway!\tIN\tHURRY!\tYOU\tSTOP\tTHAT\tORDER!\tYOU\tDO\tTHIS FOR\tME!\u201d Every\t20-minutes\tor\tso.\tI\tjust\twish\tshe\twould\tshut\tthe\thell\tup.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tthink she\u2019s\t even\t five\t feet\t tall,\t maybe\t weighs\t about\t 95-pounds\t or\t so;\t but\t what\t a relentless\t mouth.\t She\u2019s\t not\t married.\t Your\t guess\t is\t as\t good\t as\t mine.\t She\t has never\t learned\t to\t listen,\t can\u2019t\t seem\t to\t talk\t the\t way\t a\t normal\/sane\t person should. The\t screaming\t gets\t to\t you,\t believe\t me.\t Was\t considering\t transferring\t to another\t department\u2014it\t got\t that\t bad\t last\t night.\t We\t were\t out\t of\t chevrons,\t the barrel\t empty.\t She\t comes\t up\t and\t tells\t me\t to\t use\t the\t bent\t chevrons\t next\t to\t the empty\tbarrel\tin\ta\tmetal\tbox.\tThey\twere\tindeed\tslightly\tbent,\tbut\twas\tall\twe\thad to\tkeep\tmaking\tair\tvents.\tSo\tI\tdo\tthat,\twas\tworking\ton\ta\tbig\torder,\tclose\tto\ttwo hundred,\tetc.\tThe\tother\ttwo\tpeople\tin\tour\tsection:\tTam\t(pleasant\twoman)\tand Tin\t(the\tquiet,\teasy\tgoing\thalf\tVietnamese\/half\tAfrican-American\t34\tyear\told\tI mentioned\t earlier)\t are\t doing\t same,\t using\t these\t slightly\t defected\t chevrons. Things\tare\tmade\tout\tof\taluminum,\teasy\tto\tmanipulate,\tetc.\tOne\twhack\twith\ta mallet\t or\t piece\t of\t wood\t and\t they\t are\t flat\t and\t perfectly\t usable\/good.\t And\t so have\t the\t job\t just\t about\t finished,\t have\t about\t 25\t pieces\t to\t go,\t am\t exhausted; have\t been\t on\t my\t feet\t about\t 8-hours\t now,\t feet\t are\t killing\t me,\t especially\t the heels\t(I\tneed\tbetter\tshoes),\twhen\tshe\tstarted\tscreaming: \u201cYOU\t GO\t GET\t CHEVRON!\t THEY\t MAKE\t NEW\t CHEVRON!\t THESE CHEVRON\tNO\tGOOD!\u201d","I\t had\t talked\t to\t the\t super\t about\t the\t chevrons\t earlier.\t Was\t told\t the\t operator who\t made\t them\t was\t out\t for\t the\t day\t and\t that\t there\t would\t not\t be\t any\t new chevrons\t until\t tomorrow.\t Well,\t two\t hours\t before\t quitting\t time\t (at\t about midnight)\tthey\tget\ta\tguy\ton\tthe\tpress\tto\tstart\tmaking\tchevrons. Now,\twhat\tgets\tto\tme\tabout\tthis\tlittle\tscreaming\twitch\t(who\thappens\tto\tbe nice\t usually,\t well-meaning,\t etc.,\t except\t when\t she\t starts\t yammering\t and jabbering\t and\t shouting\t ad\t infinitum),\t she\t sends\t me\t back\t there;\t tells\t me\t to\t get rid\tof\tthe\tchevrons\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\tusing\tand\tget\tthe\tnew\tones. \u201cOld\t chevron\t NO\t GOOD,\t NO\t GOOD!\t GO\t GET\t NEW\t GOOD\t CHEVRON AND\tUSE\tGOOD\tONE\tTHEY\tMAKE\tIN\tOTHER\tROOM!\u201d I\t mean\t my\t eardrums\t were\t hurting.\t You\t could\t hear\t the\t screwy\t broad\t above the\tloud\tdin\tof\tall\tthe\tmachinery\tand\tequipment\tin\tthe\tplant,\tthat\u2019s\thow\tloud she\tcan\tbe.\tIncredible.\tIt\twas\ta\tshock\tto\tmy\tsystem,\tas\tI\tlike\tto\ttune\teverything out\t while\tworking.\tAm\tin\t a\tworld\tof\tmy\t own,\t day-dreaming,\tthinking\tabout my\tbook\tand\thow\tto\tget\tthe\tpublishing\toff\tthe\tground,\thow\tto\tstretch\ta\tbuck, all\tthat\t(having\tto\tpay\trent\ton\tBro\u2019s\tplace,\tthat\tI\tlive\tin,\tsince\the\tasked:\tcalled in\tfrom\tArkansas,\twhere\the\tis\tvisiting\ta\tfriend,\tand\ttook\tme\tup\ton\tmy\toffer\tto help\thim\tout\u2014and\tso\tnow,\teven\tthough\tI\towe\tit\tto\thim\tand\tam\thappy\tto\thelp out\u2014my\t first\t full\t check\t is\t gone.\t Just\t like\t that.\t So\t am\t thinking\t about\t all\t that while\t trying\t to\t keep\t up\t a\t fast\t pace\t at\t my\t machine.\t Did\t two-hundred-and- ninety-nine\t of\t those\t air-vent\t frames\t today,\t which\t is\t pretty\t darn\t good\u2014when you\tconsider\ta\tguy\t34\tyears\tof\tage,\tTin,\twho\thas\tbeen\tthere\tthree\tyears\u2014only did\tabout\t290),\tand\tthat\u2019s\twhen\tshe\tstarts\tin\twith\ther\tgoddamned\tshouting. I\t can\u2019t,\t CAN\u2019T\t STAND\t bitches\t with\t a\t Jekyll\t and\t Hyde\t personality.\t I\t hate that\tshit\tso\tdamn\tbad\u2014and\tthat\u2019s\twhat\tshe\u2019s\tgot\t(as\thave\ta\tfew\tother\tbroads\tI have\tknown\tover\tthe\tyears).\tI\tnotice\tsome\tof\tthe\tother\tVietnamese\ttelling\ther to\tshut\tup.\tThey\tcouldn\u2019t\tstand\tit,\teither. She\tignores\tthat.\tSends\tme\tback\tthere\tto\tthe\tother\tpart\tof\tthe\tplant\t(just\tas huge\tas\tours;\tthis\tplant\tis\teasily\tthe\tsize\tof\ta\tfootball\tfield.\tAnd\tthen\tthere\u2019s\tthe warehouse\t in\t back\u2014so\t you\t could\t say\t the\t entire\t enterprise\t is\t the\t size\t of\t a couple\tof\tfootball\tfields). I\t walk\t back\t there\t and\t see\t people\t standing\t around\t this\t press.\t I\t ask\t the\t guy who\tappears\tto\tbe\tin\tcharge,\tand\the\tsays: \u201cYes,\twe\u2019re\tmaking\tthem\tnow.\tI\ttold\tPing\tit\twould\tbe\ta\twhile.\u201d","I\tshook\tmy\thead.\t\u201cShe\tsent\tme\tback\there\tknowing\tthat.\tShe\tmakes\tme\tnuts.\u201d He\tnodded.\t\u201cI\tknow.\tThat\u2019s\tthe\tway\tshe\tis.\u201d I\twent\tback,\twheeled\tmy\tempty\tcart\tpast\tPing\ton\tthe\tway\tto\tmy\tstation. \u201cWhat\thappened?\u201d\tshe\tasked.\t\u201cYou\tget\tit?\u201d I\tsaid\tnothing,\tmerely\tindicated\tmy\tempty\tmetal\tbox. \u201cTHEY\tDON\u2019T\tHAVE?\u201d \u201cNo.\tYou\tsent\tme\tback\tthere\tfor\tnothing,\tPing.\u201d \u201cYOU\tGET\tFROM\tTAM!\tYOU\tSHARE\tWITH\tTAM!\u201d Goddamn,\t I\t felt\t like\t telling\t her\t to\t shut\t her\t goddamn\t mouth.\t The\t broken- English\twas\tpure\tinsanity.\tAnytime\tshe\tspoke\tI\tcould\tbut\tcomprehend\ttwo\tor three\twords\tout\tof\tfifty.\tInsanity. \t I\t wheel\t my\t cart\t over\t to\t Tam\u2019s\t machine,\t and\t Tam\t is\t in\t stitches.\t She\t finds\t it all\tso\tvery\thilarious,\tas\tshe\tknows\tPing\tis\tbatty.\tI\tscoop\thalf\tthe\tchevrons\tout of\tTam\u2019s\tbox.\tTam\tcan\u2019t\tstop\tlaughing.\tPing\tis\tstill\tjabbering\tback\tthere\tin\tthe background\tand\tI\tcan\u2019t\tmake\tout\ta\tword,\tnot\ta\tsingle\tword.\tAfter\ta\tlifetime\tof paying\tdues\tI\tstill\thave\tto\tput\tup\twith\tcraziness\tlike\tthis.\tLord\thave\tmercy.\tOn the\t other\t hand,\t he\t must\t not.\t Why\t else\t would\t he\t stick\t me\t in\t a\t situation\t like this?\tLoony\tbin.\tLifetime\tof\tpaying\tdues. \t I\twheel\tmy\tcart\tpast\tPing,\twho\thas\tfinally\tshut\tthe\thell\tup.\tI\tmake\tit\tto\tmy station,\t my\t machine,\t and\t return\t to\t work.\t By\t now\t she\t has\t cost\t me\t 15,\t 20- minutes.\tIt\tmatters,\tit\tdoes.\tI\thad\tbeen\tkeeping\tup\ta\tpretty\tdamned\tgood\tpace\u2014 until\t now.\t She\t breaks\t your\t stride,\t your\t rhythm,\t the\t loony\t little\t witch.\t I\u2019d wanted\tto\tsee\tjust\thow\tmany\tof\tthese\tframes\tI\tcould\tput\ttogether,\tfor\tmy\town sake,\t my\t interest,\t not\t the\t company\u2019s.\t The\t company\t was\t part\t of\t a\t huge corporation\t and\t I\t didn\u2019t\t give\t a\t damn\t about\t them\t or\t that\u2014but\t for\t myself\t I wanted\tto\tsee\thow\tmany\tof\tthese\tthings\tI\tcould\tframe\u2014and\tnow\tmy\tpace\twas off\t and\t I\t felt\t down,\t in\t a\t lousy\t mood\t due\t to\t her\t screaming.\t A\t woman,\t a\t nutty woman\twill\tdo\tit\tto\tyou\tevery\ttime. GO\tFIGURE,\tGO\tFIGURE. Better\tyet,\tforget\tit. A\tfew\tminutes\tlater\tPing\tcomes\tup.","\u201cHow\tthis\twork?\tThis\tbetter,\tright?\tBetter\tchevron.\tOther\tchevron\tno\tgood, why\t in\t box\t they\t put\t next\t to\t good\t chevron;\t why\t I\t tell\t you\t use\t good\t chevron, use\tnew.\tI\tdid\tnot\tknow\tthey\tnot\tready.\u201d She\u2019s\t babbling\t like\t a\t machine-gun.\t Christ.\t I\t know\t she\t means\t well,\t but you\u2019ve\t got\t to\t understand:\t this\t kind\t of\t chatter\t is\t pure\t hell\t and\t torture.\t Shut\t it, lady!\tI\tfelt\tlike\tsaying.\tJUST\tSHUT\tUP\tAND\tLET\tME\tBE. Instead,\tI\tsay\tquietly:\t\u201cI\tjust\twant\tto\tbe\tleft\tto\tdo\tmy\twork,\tPing.\u201d With\tmost\tpeeps\tthis\twould\tsuffice.\tNot\there.\tNot\twith\ther.\tI\tgot\tno\tchoice, and\t liberate\t a\t rank\t one\t to\t see\t if\t it\t does\t any\t good.\t While\t her\t ears\t might\u2019ve failed\ther\ther\tsense\tof\tsmell\tsure\tdidn\u2019t,\tbecause\tshe\tdid\tnot\twaste\ttime\tvacating the\timmediate\tarea.\tThe\tbig\tmouth\tzips\tit\tand\twalks\taway.\tThank\tgod. Here\tit\tis\t9\tto\tnoon,\tnext\tday,\tand\tstill\tdon\u2019t\tfeel\tone-hundred-percent.\tFeet sore,\tmaybe\ta\tblister\tdeveloping\ton\tthe\tbig\ttoe\ton\tthe\tright\tfoot.\tTired.","Chapter\t76 Paid\tlast\tnight.\tWent\tup\tto\tthe\tgrocery\tstore\ttoday. Rodrigo,\tthe\tforeman:\tsix-two,\tbig\tand\tbeefy,\tpossibly\tNative-American,\taka the\t Fat\t Man,\t aka\t Pillsbury\t Doughboy,\t pulls\t me\t off\t the\t hole-puncher\t and\t tells me\t to\t go\t with\t the\t other\t soup:\t No-Ass\t Leon\t (thirty-five-years\t with\t the company;\t glasses,\t mustache).\t He\u2019s\t waiting\t in\t the\t main,\t center\t aisle.\t Starts walking\tin\this\tusual\tfast\tpace\tbefore\tI\treach\thim.\tI\tmake\tmy\tleft,\tand\tfollow\tfor about\t a\t hundred\t feet.\t The\t doorless\t entrance\t to\t this\t large\t room\t the\t size\t of\t a gymnasium\tis\tfull\tof\theavy\tmachinery,\tpresses.\tThis\tis\twhere\tthe\tslats\tand\trails and\tchevrons\tare\tmade.\tIt\u2019s\tloud\tin\there.\tNot\tmany\tpeople\taround. There\u2019s\ta\tshort,\tthin\tguy\tthere.\tBald,\tin\this\tlate\t50s\t(or\tolder).\tReminds\tme\tof Mr.\t Magoo,\t the\t cartoon\t character,\t only\t this\t guy\t is\t wiry,\t alert.\t He\u2019s\t in\t a\t worn pair\tof\tbaggy\tblack\ttrousers\tand\ta\tgrimy\twhite\tT-shirt. \u201cThat\u2019s\tHomer,\tthe\tlead\tman,\u201d\tsays\tLeon.\t\u201cYou\u2019ll\tbe\tworking\twith\thim\tfor\ta while.\u201d Homer\t looks\t up.\t Walks\t toward\t us.\t No-Ass\t Leon\t is\t gone.\t Homer\u2019s\t got\t a wedding\t band\t on\t his\t finger\t that\u2019s\t missing\t the\t tip.\t Then\t I\t notice\t some\t of\t his other\t fingers\t are\t missing\t tips\t as\t well,\t that\t goes\t for\t part\t of\t his\t thumb.\t The fingers\t on\t his\t right\t hand\t are\t also\t missing\t a\t tip\t or\t two.\t Mess\t with\t the\t presses and\t this\t is\t what\t happens:\t end\t up\t like\t Homer,\t with\t parts\t of\t your\t limbs\t no longer\t there.\t Tends\t to\t sober\t you\t up\t (not\t that\t I\t wasn\u2019t\t sober\t enough\t to\t begin with). \t He\t shows\t me\t how\t to\t work\t one\t of\t the\t machines.\t Easy.\t On\t the\t surface.\t So long\t as\t you\t pay\t attention.\t You\t sit\t there\t and\t press\t a\t red\t button\t and\t the\t slat comes\tthrough,\thits\tthe\tend\t(a\ttype\tof\trecoil)\tthat\ttriggers\tthe\tpress\tblade\u2014and WHOOSH!\tBlade\tdrops\twith\tthe\tforce\tof\ta\tdeadly\tsledge,\tcutting\tthe\tmetal\tstrip \u2014and\tmaybe\ta\tcouple\tof\tfingers\t(if\tyou\u2019re\tnot\tcareful).","\u201cKeep\t your\t hand\t out\t of\t the\t way\t of\t the\t blade\t when\t it\t comes\t down,\u201d\t says Homer. I\t get\t him\t to\t help\t me\t reload\t new\t coil.\t Not\t too\t tough,\t until\t you\t have\t to\t feed the\t strip\t through\t the\t press.\t Strict\t adherence\t to\t caution\t advised,\t or\t else\t you wind\t up\t like\t this\t hard-working,\t energetic\t gent\u2014without\t fingertips.\t Damn things\tare\tstubs,\twith\tjust\ta\ttrace\tof\tfingernail\tvisible. I\tsit\ton\tmy\tass\tfor\ta\tcouple\tof\thours\tdoing\tthis.\tNot\tbad.\tThen\tLeon\tappears, tells\t me\t to\t return\t to\t my\t regular\t spot\t at\t the\t hole-punching\t machine.\t I\t work with\tthe\tVietnamese\tlady\tnamed\tTam.\tQuiet.\tSmart.\tI\tlike\ther.\tHas\ta\tsense\tof humor.\tKnows\ther\tbusiness. One\tof\tthe\twelding\tguns\tor\ttwo\tare\tdown.\tSo\tnow\twe\tgot\tManny\tdoing\tall the\t welding.\t Hard\t work.\t The\t son\t of\t a\t gun\t is\t a\t dynamo.\t In\t his\t 50s,\t but\t works damn\thard.\tBy\thimself\tlast\tnight\the\tdid\t1,012\tframes.\tHe\twelds\tframes\tto\tcore. In\t the\t past,\t with\t three\t welders\t working\t (actually\t it\u2019s\t spot-welding;\t these guys\tdon\u2019t\tuse\tflame,\tbut\tvolts)\twe\u2019ve\tdone\tfourteen,\tfifteen\tand\teven\tsixteen- hundred. And\t then\t the\t Fat\t Man,\t Doughboy,\t who\t moves\t like\t a\t rhino,\t tells\t me\t to\t help out\tin\tDong\u2019s\tarea.\tHung\tis\tback\tfrom\tvacation.\tBoth\tare\tVietnamese. It\u2019s\tback\tto\thammering\tfor\tme.\t10\u201d\tx\t4\u201d\tframes.\tNot\ta\tbig\tdeal,\tbut\tyou\tjust hate\tbeing\tordered\tabout:\tGo\there\/go\tthere;\tdo\tthat\tand\tdo\tthis.\tAnd\tit\u2019s\tnot even\tthat\the\torders\tpeople\tabout\u2014it\u2019s\tjust\tthat\tthe\tmother\tisn\u2019t\tsmart\tenough or\told\tenough\tor\tpaid\tenough\tdues\tto\ttell\tme\tanything. But\t he\u2019s\t the\t foreman,\t you\t see.\t Been\t here\t fourteen\t years.\t Antonia,\t recently transferred\t from\t the\t paint\t line,\t who\t doesn\u2019t\t even\t know\t how\t to\t run\t the\t hole- puncher,\tis\tstanding\tright\tthere\tand\tFat\tMan\ttells\tme\tto\tgo\tover\tto\tK\u2019s\ttable.\tIt bothered\t me,\t but\t I\t just\t keep\t quiet\t and\t do\t as\t told.\t What\t the\t hell.\t I\t need\t the paycheck.\tI\u2019ve\tgot\tthis\tbook\tto\tpublish\tand\tneed\tthe\tbucks.\tAnd\tthen\tI\thear\tbig mouth\tDong\tsay\tto\tFat\tMan: \u201cHe\tdon\u2019t\tlike\tit.\u201d \u201cI\tdon\u2019t\tgive\ta\tshit\twhat\the\tlikes,\u201d\tsays\tFat\tMan\tas\the\twalks\taway. And\tif\tI\thad\tbeen\tin\ta\tlousy\/dark\tmood\tI\twould\thave\tgiven\tthe\ttwo\ta\tpiece\tof my\t mind\t .\t .\t .\t but\t I\t say\t nothing,\t do\t my\t work.\t You\u2019re\t always\t going\t to\t find\t an asshole\tor\ttwo\tno\tmatter\twhere\tyou\tgo.","I\t finish\t that,\t return\t to\t the\t hole\t puncher\/press.\t The\t new\t boots\t do\t help,\t but still\t there\t is\t soreness,\t numbness.\t Heel.\t Outer\t edge\t of\t big\t toe\t of\t right\t foot developing\tcallouses.\tYou\twork\ton. Finally\t2\ta.m.\trolls\taround\tand\tabout\ttime\tto\tleave\tthe\tslave\tship.","Chapter\t77 They\t had\t me\t painting\t posts\t last\t night.\t Big\t shot\t owners\t coming\t in\t from England\tnext\tweek\tsupposedly.\tDidn\u2019t\tfeel\tlike\tpainting,\tbut\tdid\tit.\tConsidered walking\t out.\t Got\t myself\t a\t cart\t instead,\t placed\t the\t ten-gallon\t can\t of\t paint\t on the\t bottom\tshelf.\t Got\ta\t couple\tof\t rags.\tThey\tgave\tme\ta\tpaint\tbrush.\tThe\tguy who\t showed\t me\t where\t all\t the\t paint\t was\t (\t and\t where\t later\t to\t leave\t it)\t was\t a tall\/dark-complexioned\t Mexican.\t Seemed\t to\t have\t a\t chip\t on\t his\t shoulder.\t Too many\tyears\tin.\tTook\tits\ttoll.\tOr\tmaybe\tit\tcame\tdown\tto\tnothing\tmore\tthan\tthe gent\t being\t disappointed\t when\t he\t saw\t what\t they\u2019d\t sent\t him:\t a\t dude\t my\t age\u2014 and\t(possibly)\tdidn\u2019t\tfeel\tgood\tabout\tit\tfor\tme.\tThat\tmade\ttwo\tof\tus. I\t went\t to\t Doris\t (the\t other\t super),\t and\t said:\t \u201cThe\t newspaper\t ad\t didn\u2019t mention\tanything\tabout\tbeing\ta\tpainter.\tIt\tsaid\t\u2018production\twork.\u2019\u201d She\tcounters\twith:\t\u201cIn\there\t\u2018production\twork\u2019\tcan\tmean\tanything.\u201d I\twasn\u2019t\tdressed\tto\tbe\ta\tpainter.\tGot\tpaint\ton\tmy\tapron,\tboots,\ta\tspot\ton\tmy new\t blue\t shirt.\t This\t is\t oil-based\t paint\t and\t won\u2019t\t come\t out.\t Goddamn.\t Low- wage\t mother.\t Flunky.\t They\t crap\t on\t you\t for\t the\t hell\t of\t it.\t AZ\t is\t ten\t years behind\tthe\trest\t of\t the\t country\tin\tpaying\ta\tdecent\twage.\tOut\there,\tminimum- wage\tliterally\tmeans\tthat. Painted\t quite\t a\t few\t posts\t for\t ten-hours\t and\t still\t did\t not\t get\t all.\t Toward\t the end\tof\tthe\tshift\twent\tin\tback\twhere\tair\tvents\tare\tspray-painted,\tgot\tthinner\tto clean\t cart\t with,\t paint\t brush,\t etc.\t Guess\t I\u2019ll\t have\t to\t do\t some\t more\t painting today.\t Guess\t I\u2019ll\t stay\t with\t it\t in\t order\t to\t get\t the\t book\t published.\t Post\t office needing\ttheir\tbox\trental\tmoney:\t$52. \t Spoke\twith\ta\twoman\tover\tat\tFocus\tPrinting\tregarding\tquote\tfor\tone\thundred books\tof\tthe\tStreets\tof\tLA\tanthology.\tShe\u2019ll\tget\tback.\tEarlier\tshe\thad\tgiven\tme\ta quote\tof\t$900\tfor\ttwo\thundred\tbooks.\tThen\twhen\tI\tstopped\tby\ta\tweek\tlater,\tshe said\tquote\twas\tway\ttoo\tlow.\tSo\tO.K.\tSee\twhat\tshe\tcomes\tup\twith\tnow.","Typesetter\t Mel\t South\t quotes\t me\t $700\t to\t typeset\t Gimme\t My\t Change.\t Ain\u2019t cheap.\tPlus\tadditional\t50-cents\tper\tpage\tfor\tscanning.\tAin\u2019t\tcheap\t(like\tI\tsaid). But\t it\t would\t be\t someone\t local.\t Just\t too\t inconvenient\t to\t stay\t with\t J.\t out\t in Colorado.","Chapter\t78 Yes\tit\tis.\tFriday,\tthat\tis.\tAlas.\tAmen.\tFinished\tpainting\tthose\tposts\tat\twork\tlast night\t at\t about\t 9:50\t p.m.\t And\t then\t got\t the\t OK\t from\t Rodrigo\t to\t return\t to\t my area.\t Am\t there,\t and\t happy,\t for\t a\t while\t anyway\u2014because\t an\t hour\t later\t the Vietnamese\tbroad,\tPing,\treceives\ta\tspecial\trush\torder\t(from\tthe\tsuper)\tto\tmake twenty-four\t44\u201d\tx\t36\u201d\tframes. As\the\tpasses\tmy\tmachine,\the\tsays\tto\tme\tto\tgo\tand\thelp\ther.\tI\tdon\u2019t\twant\tto, but\t go\t along.\t The\t other\t guy,\t quiet\t Tin,\t wants\t no\t part\t of\t Ping.\t The\t broad shrieks,\t doesn\u2019t\t talk.\t I\t swear\t she\t shrieks.\t Drives\t us\t both\t nuts.\t Could\t be\t the worst\tpart\tof\tthis\tjob\tis\thaving\tto\tlisten\tto\tthis\tolder\tbroad\tyak\tand\tYAK\tAND YAK\tSOME\tMORE. \t It\t finally\t came\t to\t a\t head\t (once\t again).\t Am\t doing\t my\t best\t to\t assist.\t While she\u2019s\t punching\t the\t screw\t holes,\t I\t grab\t a\t couple\t of\t rails\t and\t walk\t over\t to\t the other\tend\tof\tour\tarea\tto\t\u201cstaple\u201d\tthe\trails\ttogether\ton\tthe\tstaker\tmachine.\tAnd there\tshe\tis\tshrieking: \u201cNO,\tNO!\tYOU\tNO\tDO!\tI\tDO.\tYOU\tHELP\tONLY!\tYOU\tCAN\u2019T\tDO!\u201d Goddamn.\t And\t as\t a\t result,\t I\t do\t screw\t up\t by\t staking\t two\t 44\u201d\t rails\t together, instead\tof\tone\t44\u201d\trail\tto\ta\t36\u201d\trail\t(as\tpart\tof\tthe\tframe).\tI\tbend\tthem\tand\ttoss them\tin\tthe\tmistake\tbox.\tShe\tnotices\tthis\tand\tstarts\ther\tyapping.\tIt\u2019s\ttoo\tmuch. Everyone\tmakes\terrors\tin\tthis\tplace\tand\tplenty\tof\tthem,\tincluding\ther.\tBut\tshe won\u2019t\tshut\tup\tabout\tit. \u201cI\tTOLD\tYOU\tYOU\tWAIT:\tI\tDO\tFRAME!\tYOU\tONLY\tHELP!\u201d \u201cI\t wish\t you\t would\t learn\t to\t articulate,\t because\t I\t don\u2019t\t know\t what\t the\t hell you\u2019re\t talking\t about,\t Ping.\t All\t this\t screaming\t and\t yelling\t is\t giving\t me\t a goddamn\theadache.\u201d \u201cI\tTOLD\tYOU\tI\tDO!\tYOU\tNO\tDO!\tYOU\tDON\u2019T\tKNOW!\u201d \u201cI\t don\u2019t\t know\t what?\t I\t did\t rails\t this\t size\t when\t I\t first\t started\t working\t here four\t weeks\t ago.\t And\t as\t far\t as\t the\t mistake\t is\t concerned\u2014so\t what?\t You\t make","mistakes\t all\t the\t time.\t I\t can\u2019t\t concentrate\t when\t you\u2019re\t constantly\t yakking\t at me.\u201d I\t ached,\t wished\u2014so\t help\t me\u2014to\t be\t able\t to\t offer\t up\t one\t of\t those\t powerful backfires\there\t&,\tunfortunately,\twas\tnot\table.\tI\thave\tyet\tto\tdevelop\tthe\tskill\t& talent\tto\tsummon\tgas\ton\tcue.\tJust\tas\twell.\tBecause\tlater,\tshe\tapologized.\tAlso: she\tscrewed\tup\tfour\tframes\therself.\tGod\thelp\tus.\tA\tbusybody.\tToo\tbusy\ttalking and\tyapping\tto\ttake\tcare\tof\tbusiness. \t Been\t getting\t along\t with\t other\t Vietnamese:\t Lang\t (sweet\t potato),\t Tin,\t etc. Gaston,\t the\t Canadian,\t is\t cool\t and\t quiet.\t On\t the\t surface,\t at\t least.\t Could\t be\t a streak\tof\tdementia\tlurking\tjust\tbelow\tthe\tsurface.\tOne\tnever\tknows. Felt\tweak\tall\tduring\tthe\tten-hour\tshift.\tWas\thappy\tto\tbe\tleaving\tat\tquitting time.\tWas\tI\tever.\tThe\tjob\tjust\tdrains. Got\tpaid:\t$288. Deposited\t$250\tof\tit\tat\tthe\tsupermarket.\tPicked\tup\tphotos\ttaken\tat\tthe\tplant. Most\tof\tthem\ttoo\tdark.\tBeen\tusing\tcheap\tfilm.\tThis\ttime\t(today)\tbought\ta\troll of\tgood\tKodak\tfilm.\tBeen\ttaking\ta\tlot\tof\tpictures\tlately\tjust\tfor\tthe\thell\tof\tit:\tthe plant,\tco-workers.\tHad\tphotos\ttaken\tof\tmyself\tin\thopes\tthat\tone\twill\tturn\tout that\tI\tcan\tuse\tfor\tthe\tback\tcover,\tetc.,\tand\tbasically\tfor\tposterity. Bought\t groceries\t for\t work,\t bones\t for\t the\t dog.\t Rode\t bicycle\t back\t to\t the duplex.\tCooked\ta\tcouple\tof\tburritos,\twhile\tthe\tdog\tworked\ton\ta\tbone.\tAnd\tthen later,\t not\t having\t any\t dog\t food\t on\t hand,\t let\t her\t have\t a\t bowl\t of\t cooked hamburg\/beans\/corn,\t along\t with\t tortillas.\t She\t was\t thrilled.\t Will\t go\t to\t Reay\u2019s for\tdog\tfood\ttomorrow. \t 2:01\tp.m.\tnow.\tAbout\ttime\tto\tprepare\tfor\twork.\tPut\tmy\tlunch\ttogether.\tEven have\t an\t Igloo\t cooler\t like\t a\t real\t working\t stiff,\t a\t nine-to-fiver.\t Mainstream\u2019s got\tme\tby\tthe\tballs.\tWhat\tcan\tyou\tdo?\tWhat\tindeed. \t Might\ttry\tto\twork\tO\/T\tSunday.\t(Pays\tdouble-time.)\tCould\tuse\tthe\textra\tbucks for\tthe\tcover\tgraphics.\tGot\ta\tguy\tover\tat\tthe\tdigital\tgraphics\tcompany\twho\tcan handle\tit.\tEverything\tcosts\tmoney.\tMONEY.\tHe\tquotes\tme\tanywhere\tfrom\t$150 to\t$200.\tThese\tpeople\tdon\u2019t\trealize\tthat\tI\thave\tto\twork\t54-hours\tat\tthe\tfactory just\tto\tclear\ttwo-hundred-and-eighty-eight-\tdollars.","Could\t ask\t for\t a\t little\t flexibility.\t Yeah.\t Pie-in-the-sky.\t Well,\t the\t folks\t here\t in Tucson\tappear\tto\tbe\ta\tbit\tmore\treasonable\tthan\tthe\tvipers\tin\tLa\tLa. True. \t Get\tup\tand\taway\tfrom\tthe\ttyper,\tamigo.\tTime\tto\tget\tready\tto\tdo\tthat\teight- hour-tango.\t(Friday\tis\ta\t\u201cshort\u201d\tday.)\tThe\tfactory\tis\twaiting.\tIt\u2019s\talways\twaiting. Always\t there.\t A\t relentless\t mother.\tThe\tbeast.\t Prepare\t to\t enter\t the\t belly\t of\t the beast.","Chapter\t79 Spent\t Saturday\u2019s\t shift\t over\t in\t the\t \u201c600\u201d\/OBD\t area\t working\t with\t the Mexican\twoman\twho\tcan\u2019t\tseem\tto\tstop\tblabbing.\tAll\tbut\tone,\tthat\tis.\tThe minute\tyour\tback\tis\tturned,\tthere\tthey\tare\tbad-mouthing\tyou\tto\tthe\tboss:\tHe\u2019s not\tworking\tfast\tenough. Chickenshit,\t petty-ass\t droning.\t Hated\t working\t with\t them.\t There\t was\t one other\t male\t there,\t also\t Mexican,\t in\t the\t US\t three\t years\t (from\t Hermosillo),\t who was\tall\tright,\tand\ta\tshort\tMexican\tlady\tmy\tage\twho\twas\tdecent\u2014but\tthe\trest\tI had\tno\tuse\tfor.\tI\tmean\tI\twas\tbusting\tmy\tass,\tsweating\tlike\ta\tpig\t(taking\tthese 24\u201d\t x\t 24\u201d\t panels\t out,\t labeling\t them\t on\t my\t steel\t table),\t punching\t a\t hole\t (for painting)\t and\t then\t carrying\t them\t over\t to\t the\t table\t where\t the\t two\t unhappy broads\tdrilled\tholes\tand\tscrews\tinto\tthe\tpanels\tfor\tair-duct\tattachments. Hard\twork.\tSix\thours\tof\tit.\tI\u2019m\tdoing\tmy\tbest,\tand\tapparently\tit\twasn\u2019t\tgood enough.\tThe\tday\tbefore\t(Friday)\tI\tspot-welded\tall\tday\tand\tliked\tit.\tIt,\ttoo,\twas hard\t work.\t You\t stand\t on\t your\t feet\t for\t eight\t hours,\t but\t I\t was\t working\t with people\tI\tliked.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tstomach\tback-stabbing\tgabby,\thomely\twenches. Got\tthrough\tthe\tday.\tSwept\tup.\tAt\t4:00\tp.m.\tfound\ta\tseat\taway\tfrom\tthe\tugly broads\t and\t waited\t for\t 4:15\t to\t roll\t around.\t If\t you\t hang\t around\t the\t time-clock before\t you\t are\t supposed\t to,\t Rodrigo\t gets\t pissed,\t the\t old\t story.\t Everyone protecting\ttheir\tpiece\tof\tturf,\thunk\tof\tbread. A\tminute\tor\ttwo\tbefore\tthe\tquitting\thorn\twent\toff,\tthere\twe\twere,\tlined\tup, eager\t to\t clock\t out.\t Did\t that.\t And\t got\t a\t ride\t home\t with\t the\t Vietnamese\t lady named\tTam. \t Showered,\tthen\trode\tthe\tbicycle\tto\ta\tbackyard\tbarbecue\thosted\tby\tpeeps\tBro knew.\t It\t was\t all\t right.\t Fun\/music\/food\/talk.\t Drank\t four\t bottles\t of\t Henry Weinhard. There\t was\t a\t Bosnian\t dude,\t some\t years\t older\t than\t me,\t asking\t how\t to\t go about\tfinding\ta\trich\twoman\tto\tmarry.\tHe\thad\ta\tjob\tat\ta\tchemical\tplant\tthat\the","hated\tand\twanted\tto\tget\tout\tof.\tJust\tplain\ttired\tof\twhat\the\thad\tto\tdo\tto\tmake\ta buck. Yeah;\t I\t know\t that\t song.\t Been\t singing\t it\t my\t whole\t life.\t What\t can\t you\t do? What\telse\tis\tthere?\tI\tdid\tlike\tthe\tpeople,\tthough.\tEnjoyed\tmyself\tfor\ta\tchange. It\thad\tbeen\ta\tnice\touting. Left\t there\t \u2018bout\t midnight.\t Got\t up\t around\t noon\t today.\t Ate.\t Hand-washed some\tclothes\tin\tthe\tbathtub.\tTrying\tto\tsave\tup\tmoney\tfor\tthe\tprinting.\tYou\tsee how\tit\tis:\tWe\tall\thave\tour\tgoals\tand\tplans\tand\tschemes\tand\tdreams.\tAnd, really,\twhat\tdoes\tit\tadd\tup\tto? And\t yet,\t if\t we\t didn\u2019t\t have\t these\t plans\t and\t notions\t we\u2019d\t be\t left\t with\t what? Lethargy?\tWould\tthere\teven\tbe\ta\treason\tto\tget\tup\tin\tthe\tmorning?\u2014other\tthan for\tfood\tand\trent?\t What\tkind\t of\t life\twould\tthat\tbe?\tWithout\tsomething\tto\tgo after,\tdream\tto\tpull\tof?\tSo\tam\ttrying\tto\tsave\tup\tfor\tthis\tlittle\tbitty\tpie-in-the-sky dream\t that\t I\t have.\t You\t see,\t used\t up\t the\t budget\t for\t food.\t Gotta\t watch\t every damned\tdime. Took\tleash\toff\tthe\twall\tand\tthe\tdog\twent\tnuts.\tShe\tknew\tshe\twas\tgoing\tfor\ta walk.\tSo\thopped\ton\tthe\tbike\tand\tthe\tdog\tkept\tup\tfor\tabout\ta\tmile.\tAs\tNell\twas clearly\thuffing\tand\tpuffing\tby\tthen,\twe\twalked\tthe\trest\tof\tthe\tway\tto\tthe\thouse of\t the\t barbecue\t the\t night\t before\t to\t see\t about\t picking\t up\t a\t few\t bones\t for\t her. She\tloved\tit. \t And\there\tI\tam,\tback\tat\tthe\told\tdesk\tin\tthis\troom,\ttaking\tit\teasy.\tThere\u2019s\tthe factory\ttomorrow.\tThe\tfactory\t(that\u2019s\talways\tthere),\tthe\tbullshit\tgig\tat\tthe\tlow- wage. The\t other\t nice\t thing\t about\t the\t job\t (other\t than\t being\t able\t to\t cut\t loose\t with the\tmethane)\tis\tthe\tfact\tit\tkeeps\tme\taway\tfrom\ttv\tand\tits\tcrap,\tthe\tinanity,\tthe idiocy.\tRe:\tJob.\tIt\u2019s\tone\tday\tat\ta\ttime;\tone\tweek\tat\ta\ttime.\tNever\tknow\tif\tI\tam going\t to\t make\t it\t through\t the\t shift;\t never\t know\t what\t new\t crappy\t task\t am going\t to\t be\t assigned,\t what\t new\t asshole\t am\t going\t to\t have\t to\t work\t with.\t Am not\tsaying\tthat\tall\tthe\tpeople\tthere\tare\ta-holes,\tbut\tyou\talways\thave\ta\tcertain amount\tto\tbear\twith.\tWhat\telse\tis\tnew? That\twas\tthe\tsingle\tgood\taspect\tto\tdriving\tthe\tcab:\tIf\tyou\tdidn\u2019t\tcare\tfor\tthe son\t of\t a\t bitch\t in\t your\t backseat\t all\t you\t had\t to\t do\t was\t keep\t cool\t for\t twenty minutes\t(the\taverage\tride\tlasted\tthat\tlong)\tand\tthe\tSOB\t(or\tpsycho-ballbuster)","was\tout\tof\tyour\tlife.\tNot\tso\twith\ta\tregular\tnine-to-five\/slave-wage\tball\t&\tchain. And\t it\u2019s\t slavery.\t It\u2019s\t slavery,\t baby.\t Tucson\t is\t good\t at\t it.\t Milk\t them\t for\t all\t you can.\tSqueeze\tall\tthe\tlife\tthat\tyou\tcan\tout\tof\tthe\tpoor\tbastards\tat\tlow\tpay\t(until they\t are\t just\t about\t ready\t to\t be\t dropped\t in\t the\t ground).\t Bingo\/Bango\/Presto. It\u2019s\tover. Stay\ton\ttop\tof\tthe\tgame,\tkeep\tyour\twits\tabout\tyou.\tPace\tyourself.\tPace\tyour energy.\tTrouble\tis\tevery\ttime\tyou\tattempt\tto\tdo\tthat\tthe\tother\tidiots,\tthe\tbrain- dead\tworkaholics\twant\tto\tkeep\tgoing\tat\tthree\ttimes\tyour\tpace\t(you\tsee,\tthey\u2019ve got\t the\t mortgage\/the\t new\t car\t payments\/kids\u2014all\t that).\t They\u2019re\t trapped\t and forced\tto\twork\tlike\tdemons,\tchained\tto\ttheir\tillusive\tgoals\/nebulous\ttargets\u2014and won\u2019t\tlet\tYOU\tbe.\tThey\tpull\tyou\tright\talong\twith\tthem.\tOften\/nearly\talways\/I do\t my\t best\t to\t temper\t my\t pace,\t go\t at\t my\t own\t speed\t (while\t maintaining reasonable\t productivity),\t so\t that\t at\t the\t end\t of\t the\t day\t I\t can\t still\t have\t enough energy\t to\t walk\t out\t of\t the\t plant\t to\t the\t parking\t lot\t where\t my\t buddy\t Tin\u2019s\t car sits\t waiting.\t But\t it\t nearly\t always\t appears\t to\t be\t the\t impossible\t objective.\t The Vietnamese\t and\t Mexican\t workers\t are\t obsessed\t demons\t bent\t on\t cutting\t their little\tmiserable\tlives\tshort\tfor\tpennies\tabove\tmin.\twage. Go\tfigure\tit\tout,\tamigo. Can\u2019t. The\t bastards\t who\t own\t the\t company\t are\t stopping\t by\t for\t a\t visit\t (mainly\t to play\tgolf\there\tin\tAZ),\tand\tthe\tgrunts\tare\tpaying\tfor\tthose\tgolf\ttrips\t(and\tdon\u2019t know\tit\tor\teven\trealize\tit).\tThe\tway\tit\tis.","Chapter\t80 2:45\ta.m. Tuesday\tmorning. Just\tgot\tin.\tBody\taching.\tEspecially\tthe\tfeet.\tThey\thad\tme\ton\tyet\tanother\tshit job.\tThis\ttime\tRodrigo\tsaid: \u201cGo\tget\tyourself\ta\tbucket\tand\tput\tsome\tdegreaser\tin\tit,\tadd\twater\tto\tit,\tand clean\tthe\tmachines.\u201d I\t lugged\t that\t bucket\t down\t one\t aisle\t and\t then\t up\t the\t other,\t cleaning\t these filthy\t damned\t stakers\/generators\/file\t cabinets.\t Did\t that\t up\t until\t 11:00\t p.m., then\t he\t put\t me\t in\t with\t the\t Vietnamese\t guy\t named\t Dong.\t Hammering\t slots. Did\tthat\tuntil\tquitting\ttime.\tFelt\tlike\tthe\tarm\twas\tabout\tto\tfall\toff.\tStiff\telbow, etc. Got\tin.\tDog\u2019s\twater\tdish\twas\tempty.\tFilled\tit.\tGave\ther\twhat\tremained\tof\tthe bones\t (from\t the\t barbecue\t the\t other\t night).\t Then\t sat\t down\t to\t the\t typer.\t Too damned\t tired\t to\t type\t anymore.\t Will\t try\t to\t find\t something\t to\t eat,\t drink\t some water.\t.\t.\t.\tPayday\tis\tcoming\tup\tThursday.\tPayday.","Chapter\t81 The\tVietnamese\tpeeps\tseem\tto\tlove\tto\tyell.\tCould\tit\tbe\tbecause\tthey\tare\tso damned\t tiny?\t I\u2019m\t of\t average\t height,\t but\t appear\t tall\t compared.\t Yelling\t is typical.\tTam,\ta\tmarried,\tpleasant\tlady\tis\tthe\texception.\tLast\tnight\tthey\tput\tme back\t in\t with\t Dong\t and\t his\t pal\t Hung.\t Hung\t is\t a\t welder.\t Face\t pocked,\t pushing 50;\tgreased\tcowlick\tparted\ton\tthe\tside.\tA\tyeller.\tAngry\tall\tthe\ttime.\tLooks\tit. \t Did\ta\tlot\tof\thammering\tlast\tnight,\tthen\tthey\tgave\tme\ta\tgun\tto\tuse\t(a\tsmall, hand-jackhammer\treally.)\tThis\tmade\tit\teasier,\tbut\tthe\thand\tstill\tgets\tsore\tfrom holding\t the\t ten-pound\t handgun.\t Anyway,\t after\t that\t he\u2019s\t jabbering\t about\t I should\tgo\tin\tthe\tback. \u201cWork\tmachine.\u201d I\tcan\u2019t\tunderstand\twhat\tthese\tpeople\tare\tsaying.\tCould\tbe\twhy\tthey\tyell\t(to compensate).\t He\u2019s\t got\t a\t pallet\t jack\t with\t him.\t We\t walk\t way\t in\t the\t back.\t He shows\t me\t this\t machine\t that\t cuts\t steel\t slats,\t half-inch\t wide,\t maybe\t thirty- inches\t long.\t He\t wants\t me\t to\t cut\t them\t down\t to\t 5-&-one-eighth-inches.\t Okay. Seems\teasy\tenough. He\tsets\tit\tup.\tOnly\tthe\tvice-grip\the\tuses\tis\tway\ttoo\theavy\tand\ttoo\tlong.\tBut he\t gets\t it\t in\t the\t machine\t somehow.\t Shows\t me\t how\t it\u2019s\t done.\t The\t pedal\t is\t on the\tfloor.\tYou\tpress\tdown\ton\tthe\tpedal\twith\tyour\tfoot\tand\tWHAM!\u2014the\tblade comes\tdown,\tchopping\tthe\tsteel\tstrip\toff.\tHe\tmeasures\tit\tfor\tcorrectness.\tFine. It\tseems\tall\tright. \u201cWhen\t you\t finish\t you\t come\t back,\u201d\t he\t says.\t This\t is\t the\t way\t they\t all\t speak. Irritates\tthe\thell\tout\tof\tme.\tBut\twhat\tto\tdo?\tYou\tput\tup\twith\tit\t(for\tthe\tchump change).\tHe\twalks\taway. \t I\tstay\ton\tthe\tmachine\tfor\tabout\tan\thour\tand\ta\thalf.\tEasy-job\/easy-money,\tI\u2019m thinking\t to\t myself.\t It\u2019s\t rather\t quiet\t in\t this\t part\t of\t the\t plant.\t Nobody\t to\t mess with\tyou.\tYes,\tI\tlike\tit.\tI\tcould\tdo\tthis\tall\tday\tlong,\tevery\tday,\tsix-days-a-week.","The\tlady\tsuper\tstops\tby\t(as\tthe\tladies\u2019\troom\tis\tnearby).\tHer\tname\tis\tDoris.\tShe says\t hello.\t Been\t here\t thirty\t years.\t Yes.\t Incredible.\t She\t is\t short,\t about\t 60\t (or near).\t (This\t is\t the\t same\t one\t who\t said\t that\t time:\t \u201cProduction\t can\t mean anything\tin\there.\u201d) \u201cYou\u2019re\tjust\tall\tover\tthe\tplace,\u201d\tshe\tsays. \u201cI\tgo\twhere\tthey\tput\tme,\u201d\tis\tmy\tresponse. Doris\tsmiles,\tnods.\t\u201cThat\u2019s\tright,\tI\tguess.\u201d She\tleaves. The\tquality\tcontrol\tguy\tstops\tby:\twhite-haired,\tin\this\t50s.\tVicente.\tLow-key. At\tthe\tplant\t16\tyears.\tDue\tto\tretire\tin\t18\tmonths.\tI\tlike\tVicente.\tHispanic.\tHas two\tgrown\tsons\twith\ttheir\town\thouse\tpainting\tbusiness.\tWe\ttalk\tbaseball\ta\tbit. Both\tare\tsurprised\tthe\tIndians\twon\tthe\tWorld\tSeries. He\twalks\toff. And\tthen\tI\trealize\tthe\tpieces\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\tcutting\tare\tno\tlonger\t5\u201d\t&\tone-eighth. But\t are\t five\t &\t a\t half,\t five\t &\t three-quarters,\t six-inches,\t and\t some\t longer\t even! Goddamn.\tI\tam\tcursing\tunder\tmy\tbreath.\tHow\tdid\tthat\thappen?\tHow\tcould\tit have\t happened?\t I\t don\u2019t\t get\t it.\t And\t then\t it\t dawns\t on\t me:\t the\t yeller\t had\t never tightened\tthe\tvice-grip\tproperly.\tSon\tof\ta\tbitch.\tAll\tthat\twork\tfor\tnothing.\tI\u2019ve got\t pounds\t and\t pounds\t of\t these\t metal\t strips\t in\t the\t metal\t box\t now\t that\t are useless\t(unless\tthey\tcan\tbe\ttrimmed\u2014and\tthat\tcould\tbe\tdangerous).\tYou\u2019d\thave to\tget\tyour\tfingers\tin\tthere,\tdown\tunder\tthere\ttoo\tclose\tto\tthe\tdamned\tblade. I\ttrim\tone\tor\ttwo\tand\tthe\trubber\tguard\tpart\tcomes\tdown,\thits\tmy\tthumb.\tNo damage\/no\tharm.\tToo\trisky,\ttoo\tclose\tto\tthe\tblade\tthat\tdoes\tthe\tactual\tcutting. The\t yeller\t comes\t by\t (he\t only\t works\t eight\t hours\t and\t goes\t home).\t Says: \u201cWhen\tyou\tfinish,\tyou\treturn\tstuff\tto\ttable.\tTake\tback.\u201d He\t can\u2019t\t say\t what\t he\t means.\t But\t I\t understand\t what\t he\u2019s\t getting\t at:\t return the\tvice-grip,\tetc.,\tback\tto\tDong\u2019s\ttable. I\t nod.\t And\t then,\t I\t didn\u2019t\t have\t to,\t but\t do\u2014trying\t to\t promote\t camaraderie; after\tall,\tI\u2019m\tthe\tnew\tguy: \u201cThe\t vice-grip\t wasn\u2019t\t tight\t enough\t and\t the\t measurements\t are\t off.\u201d\t I\t had only\t about\t two\t pounds\t of\t strips\t that\t were\t the\t right\t size.\t And\t now\t the\t little prick\tstarts\tyelling: \u201cNO,\tNO.\tGRIP\tO.K.!\tYOU\tPUSH\tTHIS\tTOO\tHARD\tAND\tMOVE!\u201d","The\twhole\tplant\tcan\thear\tthis\tlittle\tbastard.\tTwo\tother\tfaces\tjam\ttheir\tnoses into\tour\tdiscussion. I\ttell\tthe\tlittle\tpunk:\t\u201cYou\u2019re\tfull\tof\tshit,\tmy\tfriend.\u201d \u201cNO,\t I\t SAY\t RIGHT!\t I\t AM\t RIGHT!\t YOU\t PUSH\t STRIP\t TOO\t HARD\t AGAINST STEEL\tBLOCK\tAND\tMOVE\u2014\u201d \u201cHOW\tWOULD\tYOU\tKNOW?\tYOU\tWEREN\u2019T\tEVEN\tHERE\tTO\tSEE\tIT!\u201d \u201cI\t KNOW\t YOU\t DO\t THIS\t BECAUSE\t I\t MAKE\t TIGHT,\t MAKE\t GOOD!\t YOU MOVE!\tYOU\tDO\tNO\tGOOD\tWORK!\u201d The\tlittle\tbastard\twas\treally\tgetting\ton\tmy\tnerves.\tThis\tis\tthe\t9-to-5\tgrind\tI had\ttried\tso\thard\tto\tstay\tclear\tof;\tthis\tkind\tof\tmiserable\tbullshit,\ttypes\tlike\tthis, assholes\tlike\tthis\t(not\tso\tfar\tremoved\tfrom\tmy\tignorant\told\tman). \t I\t walk\t away\t with\t the\t good\t ones\t in\t the\t second\t metal\t box.\t Vicente\t happens by,\tand\tnow\tthe\trooster\tis\tbad-mouthing\tme\tto\tVicente.\tVicente,\tcivilized\tgent that\t he\t is,\t remains\t calm,\t taking\t it\t in.\t I\t make\t it\t back\t to\t Dong\u2019s\t table\t and\t the bastard\tis\tbad-mouthing\tme\tto\tDong\tnow.\tThe\tyeller\tleaves.\tI\texplain\tto\tDong what\thad\thappened. \u201cIf\t I\u2019m\t at\t fault,\t partially\t at\t best,\t for\t not\t double-checking\t the\t whole\t Mickey Mouse\t set-up,\t fine.\t But\t Dong,\t he\t never\t tightened\t the\t thing\t properly\t before leaving\t me\t with\t it.\t I\t never\t worked\t on\t the\t machine\t before.\t I\u2019m\t still\t learning how\tthings\tare\tdone\taround\there.\u201d Dong\tsmiles,\tsays:\t\u201cDon\u2019t\tworry\tabout\tit.\u201d \t At\t20\tminutes\tto\t2\ta.m.\tDong\tsays:\t\u201cWe\t clean\tup\tgood,\tsweep\tup,\tbecause big-shot\tcome\tby\ttomorrow.\u201d We\tdo\tthat. We\u2019re\tdone.","Chapter\t82 Thursday.\t 11:50\t a.m.\t Heels\t still\t numb\t from\t last\t night.\t An\t improvement (because\t when\t I\t staggered\t in\t from\t work,\t toes\t and\t heels\t were\t numb,\t not\t to mention\t shoulders\t aching\/thighs\/upper\t arms).\t Back\t from\t the\t coal\t mines.\t Get no\t writing\t done.\t This\t is\t about\t it.\t No\t energy.\t Am\t existing\t (presently)\t on\t two apples\t and\t a\t peanut\t butter\t sandwich\t a\t day.\t Weight\t melting\t off,\t but\t is\t it healthy?\t Doing\t my\t best\t to\t budget\t myself.\t Allow\t thirty-bucks\t per\t week\t for food\u2014that\u2019s\t it.\t DOING\t MY\t BEST\t TO\t PUT\t $250.00\t in\t the\t bank\t every\t week. Made\tone\tdeposit\tthus\tfar,\thope\tto\tmake\tanother\ttomorrow\t.\t.\t.\tand\twill\ttry\tto do\tthis\tas\tlong\tas\tI\tlast\tat\tthe\tplant.","Chapter\t83 Getting\t ready\t to\t leave\t for\t work\t this\t Saturday\t morn.\t I\t leave\t here\t at\t 9:30. Pedal\tmy\tbicycle\ttwo\tblocks\tto\tthe\tVietnamese\tguy\u2019s\tapartment\tbuilding.\t(Now that\the\thas\this\tlicense\tback),\the\tdrives\tus\tthe\teight-miles\twest\ton\tGrant. Recall\thow\ttough\tit\twas\tbefore\tI\tgot\tthis\tride,\twhen\tI\tfirst\tstarted\tthe\tjob:\tI\u2019d pedal\t the\tbike\t all\t the\tway\tin\t (&\tback).\tWas\tno\tfun\tto\tdo\tin\tthe\train.\t(Streets here\tin\tthe\tOld\tPueblo\tpuddle\tup\tsomething\tfierce.) Signed\t on\t to\t work\t Sunday.\t (Pays\t double-time.)\t Sunday\u2019s\t hours\t are\t really weird:\t4\ta.m.\tto\t10\ta.m.\tChrist.\tYes,\tthere\tis\tno\tescaping\tthe\tdichotomy.\tI\thate\tit when\t during\t the\t week\t (Monday-thru-Thursday)\t am\t outnumbered\t when\t the clipboard\tis\tpassed\taround\tand\tso\tmany\tsign\tup\tto\twork\tO\/T.\t(Friday\tis\talways an\t eight-hour\t shift.)\t Eight\t hours\t of\t standing\t on\t your\tfeet\t is\t enough;\t but\t there they\tare\tmaking\tus\twork\t9,\t10\u2014and\teven\televen-hours\ton\tthe\tdays\tit\u2019s\tallowed. No,\t that\t is\t tough\t to\t take.\t But\t 4\t a.m.\t to\t 10\t a.m.,\t six\t hours\t .\t .\t .\t is\t a\t bit\t easier.\t If not\tfor\tthe\tpress,\tthere\tis\tno\tway\tI\u2019d\teven\tconsider\tit. Truth\t of\t it\t is:\t We\t all\t have\t our\t goddamn\t reasons\/what\t drives\t us\/makes\t it possible\t to\t get\t up\t and\t do\t the\t grind.\t The\t way\t I\t look\t at\t it:\t at\t least\t I\u2019m\t not\t out there\twith\ta\tphony\tsign\tthat\tsays:\tWill\tWork\tFor\tFood.\tAm\tnot\tlooking\tfor\ta handout,\tam\tI?\tOnly,\tI\tdoubt\tI\u2019d\tturn\tit\tdown\tshould\tit\tever\thappen\tto\tcross\tmy path. \t I\tget\toff\tat\t4:15\tp.m.\ttoday.\tCan\tuse\tthe\tbucks.\tThe\tprinter\tis\twaiting.\tSome work\tto\tpay\toff\tthe\thouse\/car\/real\testate,\tetc.,\ttheir\tkids\u2019\teducation\t(whatnot). Me?\tI\twork\tthe\tfactory\tgig\u2014as\tstated\u2014to\tpay\tfor\tthe\tprinting\tof\tmy\tbook.\tThe way\t it\u2019s\t been.\t My\t life.\t .\t .\t .\t Far\t more\t valid\t than\t their\t mortgages\t and\/or\t kids (and\/or\twhatever\telse\tthey\u2019re\tafter).\tThe\tway\tI\tsee\tit.\tAm\tI\tlaughing\tat\tthis\tand thoughts\ton\tit?","Got\ta\tPatsy\tCline\tcassette\ton.\tNot\tmuch\twriting\tlately\t(due\tto\tjob\tand\tlack\tof time).\t It\u2019s\t toil\t that\t kicks\t your\t ass.\t On\t your\t feet\t all\t the\t time.\t They\t gave\t us\t a little\tlecture\tlast\tnight: \u201cYou\tdon\u2019t\trun\tup\tto\tthe\tclock\tuntil\tthe\tbuzzer\tgoes\toff,\u201d\tsaid\tRodrigo\tin the\tbreak\troom.\t\u201cYou\tdon\u2019t\tcut\tin\tfront\tof\teach\tother\tand\tact\tlike\tchildren. Take\tyour\ttime;\tit\u2019ll\thappen.\u201d\t He\twas\tright\tabout\tthat\tlast\t one,\tas\tsome\tof the\t peeps\t do\t behave\t this\t way.\t \u201cYou\t don\u2019t\t quit\t early\t and\t you\t don\u2019t\t start sweeping\t up\t early.\t We\t haven\u2019t\t had\t any\t major\t accidents,\u201d\t he\t said.\t \u201cOnly minor\tcuts\tand\tbruises.\u201d And\t then\t later\t at\t quitting\t time\t some\t of\t the\t people\t did\t exactly\t what Doughboy\t said\t not\t to\t do.\t One\t black\t guy\t cut\t in\t front\t of\t everybody\t with\t his time-card,\t clocked\t out.\t Hung,\t the\t same\t Vietnamese\t guy\t I\t had\t a\t run-in\t with regarding\tthat\tcutter\tin\tthe\tback\t(have\tsince\tfound\tout\the\u2019s\tO.K.),\tanyway,\the goes\t after\t the\t black\t guy\t (who\t is\t a\t head\t taller),\t \u201cYOU\t NOT\t SEE\t PEOPLE WAITING?\u201d The\t black\t guy\t keeps\t right\t on\t walking\t toward\t the\t exit,\t having\t already clocked\tout. \u201cWHY\t YOU\t DO\t THAT?\t WE\t HAD\t MEETING\t ABOUT\t THAT!\t YOU\t NOT\t SEE PEOPLE\tWAITING\tTHERE?\tWHOLE\tBUNCH\tOF\tPEOPLE\tTHERE!\u201d The\t soul\t brother\t keeps\t strolling\t (like\t a\t phony\t Mr.\t Cool).\t Got\t to\t be\t from somewhere\telse.\tHe\tsays: \u201cMan,\twhat\u2019s\tyour\tproblem?\u201d Only\tthis\ttime\tI\tdo\tagree\twith\tthe\tVietnamese\tdude. \u201cYOU\tNOT\tSEE\tMANY\tPEOPLE\tWAITING?\u201d The\t fool\t keeps\t walking\t right\t out\t the\t door.\t The\t wonderful\t Vietnamese woman,\tTam,\ttalking\tto\tanother\twoman,\tsays: \u201cThat\u2019s\trude\tto\tbehave\tthat\tway.\u201d \t Gave\t Nellie\t the\t last\t of\t the\t bones.\t Dog\t is\t getting\t spoiled.\t Next\t thing\t you know\tshe\u2019ll\tbe\twanting\tbones\tevery\tday,\tall\tthe\ttime.\tAin\u2019t\tgoing\tto\thappen. Got\t to\t figure\t out\t where\t and\t when\t to\t squeeze\t in\t doing\t laundry\t (for\t work). Out\tof\tclean\tshirts\tand\twalking\tshorts.\tWinter\tchill\tmoving\tin\there\tin\tTucson. Air\tnippy.\t.\t.\t. In\tthe\tp.m.\t7:42.\tWorked\tmy\tSaturday\tovertime\tshift.","Chapter\t84 Without\tgiving\tus\ta\theads-up,\tmanagement\tswitches\tsome\tof\tus\tto\tthe day\t shift.\t All\t we\t get\t from\t them\t is\t that\t it\u2019s\t temporary.\t If\t you\t don\u2019t\t like\t it, there\u2019s\t the\t door.\t It\u2019s\t not\t stated,\t but\t this\t is\t the\t attitude.\t We\u2019re\t dogs,\t huskies\u2014 and\tmight\tas\twell\tbe\ttoiling\taway\tin\tthe\tAlaskan\twilderness.\tSo\tbe\tit.\tFine. Due\t to\t the\t sudden\t shift\t switch,\t am\t too\t exhausted\t to\t pedal\t the\t bike\t this afternoon\t and\t accept\t a\t ride\t with\t the\t nose-picking\t smoker.\t I\t leave\t Tin\u2019s\t place. Glad\tof\tit.\tTired\tof\tthe\tloud\thip-hop\tgarbage\tand\tthe\tdude\tjamming\this\tfinger up\t his\t honker.\t I\t figure\t am\t not\t going\t to\t ride\t with\t the\t guy\t anymore.\t I\u2019d\t rather go\t back\t to\t the\t bike,\t making\t it\t solo.\t I\u2019d\t rather\t struggle\t and\t strain\t pedaling\t on that\tcheapo\tK-Mart\ttwo-wheeler\tthat\tat\tleast\tallows\tfor\tpeace-of-mind,\tmakes it\tpossible\tto\tdo\tsome\tmeditating\/day-dreaming\tand\tharmless\tscheming. I\t push\t my\t bicycle\t away\t from\t the\t apartment\t building\t he\t lives\t in\t with\t his Vietnamese\t roomies,\t guide\t it\t along\t on\t the\t gravel\t sidewalk,\t my\t head\t down.\t A habit\t of\t mine,\t from\t time\t to\t time:\t keeping\t my\t head\t down.\t Helps\t with\t the daydreaming\tprocess,\twondering\thow\tto\tdig\tmyself\tout\tof\tthis\tperpetual\thole\tI was\tstuck\tin,\tand\talso:\tit\u2019s\ta\tgood\tway\tto\tkeep\tfrom\tstepping\tin\tdog\twaste.\tYes, it\u2019s\tthere.\tMost\tfolks\twill\tpick\tup\tafter\ttheir\tpet\tin\tthis\tneighborhood.\tMost,\tnot all. I\u2019d\t rather\t not\t hop\t on\t the\t bicycle\t for\t some\t reason.\t Walking\t feels\t fine.\t It\u2019s\t a nice\t day,\t a\t pleasant\t way\t to\t unwind\t from\t the\t blasting\t radio\t in\t Tin\u2019s\t car\t by walking\t the\t relatively\t short\t distance\t to\t my\t abode\t on\t Fairmount.\t I\t cross\t the street,\ttaking\tit\tnorth\tto\tthe\tother\tsidewalk\tand\tmore\tgravel,\tcontinuing\tnorth on\tCamilla. Am\t plagued\t by\t the\t usual,\t you\t know:\t How\t do\t I\t liberate\t my\t vanishing\t soul from\tthe\thell\tthat\tis\tthe\tplant\tbefore\tI\tcompletely\tlose\tmy\tmind\tand\/or\twill\tto go\t on;\t and\t of\t course,\t the\t longing,\t that\t forever\t longing\t for\t a\t good-hearted woman\t to\t enter\t my\t life\u2014and\t not\t seeing\t anything\t happening\t on\t the\t horizon. I\u2019m\tresigned\tto\tit.\tHave\tbeen\tfor\tquite\ta\twhile\tnow.","Without\tfail,\tit\thappens\twhen\tyou\tleast\texpect\tit.\tThis\ttime\twas\tno\tdifferent. I\u2019d\t had\t my\t eyes\t on\t the\t gravel,\t walking\t along,\t minding\t my\t own\t business, pondering\thow\tto\trescue\tmyself\tfrom\tthis\tnowhere\tpit\tthat\tmy\tlife\thas\tturned into.\t Not\t feeling\t sorry\t for\t myself,\t mind\u2014or\t perhaps\t only\t slightly\u2014but\t merely going\t over\t my\t non-options,\t when\t I\t nearly\t collide\t with\t her:\t a\t pretty\t girl approaching\tfrom\tthe\topposite\tdirection.\tShe\u2019s\tin\tjeans,\tcarrying\twhat\tappears to\t be\t school\t books.\t Has\t a\t ready\/bright\t smile\t on\t her\t face.\t My\t apology\t is immediate. \u201cI\u2019m\tso\tsorry.\tI\tjust\tdidn\u2019t\tsee\tyou.\u201d She\t says\t it\u2019s\t quite\t all\t right.\t No\t harm\t done.\t It\t was\t close;\t we\u2019d\t both\t been walking\tat\ta\tleisurely\tpace\tand\thad\tbeen\table\tto\tstop\tin\ttime.\tI\tdon\u2019t\trecall\tthe other\t pleasantries\t that\t may\t have\t been\t exchanged,\t but\t the\t unexpected encounter\thad\tbeen\tone\tof\tthe\tmost\twonderful\tin\tquite\tsome\ttime\tand\thad\tleft me\t with\t thoughts\t of\t her\t the\t rest\t of\t the\t way\t home\t (hoping\t I\u2019d\t see\t her\t again). And\twhat\twere\tthe\tchances\tof\tthat\thappening? \t Got\t home.\t Had\t my\t mayonnaise\t sandwich,\t had\t a\t few\t Twix\t bars,\t pulled\t on the\t hammer,\t and\t dozed\t off.\t Needed\t to\t get\t that\t rest\t in\t preparation\t for\t this morning\u2019s\t 4\t a.m.\t to\t 10\t a.m.\t shift;\t that\t is,\t will\t be\t working\t the\t Sunday\t (double- time)\tsix-hour\tstretch.\tAnd\tthen\tafterwards\twill\thave\tto\tdo\tlaundry. Wondered\t if\t I\u2019d\t run\t into\t the\t girl\t again.\t Wondered\t about\t other\t things:\t Her age.\tDid\t she\t have\tsomeone?\tWhere\t did\tshe\tlive?\t What\t was\t her\tbackground? What\tchance\tdid\tI\thave\tof\thaving\tsomeone\tlike\tthis\tin\tmy\tlife? Yes,\tam\tworking\tseven-days-a-week.\tSixty-hours.\tNext\tcheck\tought\tto\tbe\tfor about\t $340.\t It\u2019ll\t take\t a\t lot\t to\t get\t the\t books\t printed,\t move\t out\t of\t here.\t And eventually,\t finally,\t somehow\t buy\t a\t used\t car.\t Will\t also\t need\t money\t for promotion\/publicity,\t etc.\t But\t all\t of\t that\t seems\t to\t pale\t compared\t to\t the gorgeous\t face\t I\u2019d\t had\t the\t encounter\t with.\t Alas,\t she\t was\t not\t there\t Sunday.\t I\u2019d ridden\t with\t the\t nose-picker\t again,\t but\t did\t not\t see\t her\t as\t I\t walked\t my\t bike home\tafterwards.\tIt\twas\tSunday,\twhat\tdid\tI\texpect?\tIf\tshe\twere\ta\tstudent,\twhy would\tshe\tbe\tattending\tclasses\ton\ta\tSunday?\tMy\theart\tsank;\tI\u2019d\thad\ta\tneed\tto catch\ta\tglimpse\tof\tthat\tsmile.","I\t was\t still\t enduring\t the\t hip-hop\t brain-farts\t and\t Tin\u2019s\t nose-picking.\t What made\t it\t worse,\t the\t oblivious\t dude\t would\t wipe\t his\t finger\t on\t his\t jeans.\t He\u2019d have\t that\t finger\t jammed\t up\t his\t nose,\t then\t would\t casually\t wipe\t it\t against\t his thigh.\t WTF?\t I\t mean,\t peeps\t pick\t their\t nose,\t but\t not\t in\t public,\t man.\t That\u2019s something\t you\t did\t when\t no\t one\t else\t was\t around;\t and\t even\t then,\t you\t did\t not wipe\t snot\t against\t your\t pants.\t Then\t there\t was\t the\t toxic\t cigarette\t smoke\t that always\tleft\tmy\tbelly\tcramping. I\t used\t to\t be\t a\t smoker,\t you\t see,\t back\t in\t the\t 70s,\t a\t habit\t picked\t up\t in\t \u2018Nam, when\tthey\twould\tdrop\tthose\tcancer-sticks\tdown\tto\tus\tin\tsacks\tin\tthe\tboonies\u2014 free\t of\t charge.\t The\t choppers\t would\t bring\t out\t the\t mail\/R-rats\/clean fatigues\/paperbacks\u2014and\tcigarettes.\tAnd\tso\tmany\tof\tus\tcame\tback\tnot\tonly with\tthe\ttobacco\t habit,\tbut\tothers\t as\twell.\t At\t least\tI\u2019d\tmanaged\tto\tstay\taway from\tdrugs.\tAnd\tthe\tonly\treason\tfor\tthat\twas\tbecause\tI\u2019d\thated\tdrugs\tfrom\tthe get-go,\t period.\t Beer?\t Beer\t was\t fine.\t I\u2019d\t consumed\t rivers\t of\t it\t over\t the\t years. That\t was\t my\t vice,\t that\t and\t jacking\t it\t to\t smut\t (when\t the\t real\t thing\t wasn\u2019t available). But\tthat\twas\tthe\tleast\tof\tit,\tbecause\tshe\twasn\u2019t\taround.\tSeveral\tdays\twent\tby. I\twas\tabout\tto\tgive\tup\tfor\ta\tnumber\tof\treasons:\tin\thigh\tschool,\tno\tdoubt.\tAnd who\tknew\thow\told?\tForget\tit,\tyou\tover\tthe\thill,\tlovesick\tnever-was.\tForget\tit. You\tneed\tsomeone\ta\tbit\tolder;\tsomeone\tcloser\tto\tyour\tage.\tAt\tleast\tover\tthirty. I\tdoubted\tshe\twas\tanywhere\tnear\tthat. No,\tI\twas\tno\tsaint,\tnever\tclaimed\tto\tbe.\tFact\twas,\tpole\twas\talways\thard\tand hungry\t with\t desire,\t but\t say\t once\t you\t got\t the\t roll\t in\t the\t sack\t over\t with,\t what would\t there\t be\t to\t talk\t about?\t Relate\t to?\u2014with\t someone\t as\t young\t as\t the\t girl carrying\tthose\tschool\tbooks. \t Days\t went\t by.\t Couldn\u2019t\t get\t her\t out\t of\t my\t head.\t If\t I\t saw\t her\t again,\t what would\tI\tsay?\tHow\tto\tconnect,\tmake\tfor\ta\tpossible\tbonding\tto\ttake\tplace?\tHow to\tlet\ther\tknow\tI\twasn\u2019t\tlooking\tfor\ta\tfling,\ta\tmindless\tlay,\tbut\tsomething\tmore. I\t was\t a\t fool\t wanting\t to\t be\t in\t a\t fifty-fifty\t type\t of\t relationship\t with\t a\t good- hearted\t soul.\t Hadn\u2019t\t I\t always\t been\t yearning\t for\t that?\t Spent\t my\t whole goddamned\t life\t wanting\t it.\t Never\t mind\t the\t missed\t opportunities,\t the\t times\t I flubbed\t and\t tripped\t up\t and\t let\t love\t fall\t by\t the\t wayside\u2014for\t one\t reason\t or another;\t it\t was\t something\t you\t dreamt\t of\t for\t as\t long\t as\t you\t were\t alive;","something\t you\t longed\t for,\t some\t of\t us,\t most\t of\t us\t did\u2014male\t &\t female\u2014until they\tlowered\tour\tlovelorn\/pathetic\tass\tinto\tthe\tground.","Chapter\t85 I\tgot\tthe\tidea\tto\tpick\tup\ta\tgreeting\tcard\/jot\tdown\ta\tfew\theartfelt\twords and\thand\tit\tto\ther\tthe\tnext\ttime\tI\tsaw\ther,\tif\tI\tsaw\ther.\tI\tcarried\tthis\tcard in\t my\t pack\t for\t days,\t and\t kept\t missing\t her.\t There\t were\t times\t Tin\t wouldn\u2019t come\tin,\tor\telse\the\u2019d\topt\tto\twork\tO\/T\tand\tI\twouldn\u2019t,\tand\tI\thad\tno\tchoice\tbut to\t ride\t the\t bike\t to\t and\t fro,\t or\t else\t I\t simply\t couldn\u2019t\t take\t riding\t with\t him\t for reasons\t mentioned.\t But\t then\t I\t decided\t to\t go\t with\t the\t skinny\t dude,\t if\t for\t no other\t reason\t but\t because\t it\t was\t walking\t from\t his\t place\t that\t time\t that\t I\u2019d\t met her\tinitially. \t I\twas\ton\tfoot,\tlike\tthe\tother\ttimes,\twhen\tI\tleft\this\tbuilding.\tWondered\twhen I\u2019d\t get\t the\t chance\t to\t hand\t her\t the\t card;\t about\t to\t give\t up.\t And\t then\t there\t she was:\tI\thad\tmy\thead\tup\tthis\ttime\tand\tcould\tsee\ther\tlugging\tthose\tbooks\tfrom\ta block\t off.\t It\t was\t her.\t Had\t to\t be.\t She\t had\t a\t habit\t of\t walking\t south\t from\t Pima. That\t incredible\t smile\t always\t there,\t and\t had\t me\t smiling\t as\t well\t and\t feeling great\t inside.\t There\t was\t more\t to\t life\t than\t working\t O\/T,\t making\t a\t couple\t of measly\t dollars\t and\t pursuing\t a\t lit\t goal\t or\t two.\t There\t was\t more.\t Love\t was probably\t the\t only\t true\t thing\t that\t mattered.\t Heart-connection.\t Being\t able\t to hold\t a\t pretty\t girl\u2019s\t hand\t as\t you\t went\t places;\t being\t able\t to\t share thoughts\/moments\/laughter.\t It\t came\t down\t to\t this.\t I\u2019d\t always\t believed\t in\t it. Call\t me\t a\t sentimental\t fool\/pathetic\t so-and-so.\t Fine.\t That\u2019s\t who\t I\t am\t and always\thave\tbeen.\tThere\tare\tplenty\tof\tmen\t(as\twell\tas\twomen)\twho\tcan\trelate and\tfeel\tthis\tway.\tOnly\tthe\tmale\tof\tthe\tspecies\t(usually)\tis\treluctant\tto\tadmit\tit. Women?\t Most\t women\t not\t only\t don\u2019t\t have\t a\t problem\t with\t it,\t but\t will\t readily confess\ttheir\tneed\tfor\tit.\tLove\/companionship\tbeats\tall\tthe\trest\tof\tit\tany\tday\tof the\tweek. We\texchanged\thellos.\tIt\twas\tbrief.\tI\thanded\ther\tthe\tgreeting\tcard. \u201cThis\tis\tfor\tyou.\u201d","I\tcould\thave\tembraced\tthis\thappy\tgirl\twith\tthe\tcaptivating\tsmile,\tso\thelp\tme. But\t I\t did\t not\t know\t her,\t and\t it\t wouldn\u2019t\t have\t been\t right,\t no\t matter\t how friendly\t she\t appeared.\t It\t would\t not\t have\t been\t appropriate.\t I\u2019d\t been\t by\t myself too\tgoddamned\tlong.\tIt\tate\taway\tat\tyou.\tSolitude\twas\tgreat;\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tneed\tto\tbe around\tlarge\tgroups\tall\tthe\ttime\tlike\tsome\tfolks,\tbut\ta\tfriend\tnow\tand\tthen\twas fine,\tbeing\taround\tgood\tpeeps\tnow\tand\tthen\twas\tgood\tfor\tmorale. I\u2019d\tbasically\tbeen\ta\tloner\tthroughout\tmy\tlife.\tBut,\tman,\tI\thad\tnothing\tagainst being\t with\t a\t good\t woman,\t having\t love\t in\t my\t life.\t I\t did\t not\t have\t a\t heart\t of stone,\t no\t matter\t that\t I\t did\t my\t best\t right\t after\t splitting\t and\t having\t had\t my heart\t shredded\t by\t the\t cynical\t man-hater\t with\t daddy\t issues\t sixteen\t years earlier. I\u2019d\tgotten\tover\tthe\tbitterness\tand\tanger\tit\thad\tleft\tme\twith,\tthe\tchip\ton\tmy shoulder\t toward\t the\t female,\t especially\t counterfeit\t blonds\t (whose\t hair\t color came\t out\t of\t a\t bottle).\t It\t had\t taken\t a\t good\t decade\t to\t deal\t with\t it,\t shake\t it\t and realize\twhat\tI\thad\tknown\tand\tbelieved\tall\talong:\tthis\tworld\twouldn\u2019t\tbe\tmuch without\twomen.\tThis\tworld\twould\tnot\tbe\tworth\tliving\tin\twithout\tthe\tfemale. So\tbe\tit. Anyone\t who\t didn\u2019t\t care\t for\t this\t and\/or\t cannot\/refuses\t to\t relate\u2014too\t bad. Am\t talking\t about\t certain\t scammers\t out\t there\t who\t truly\t hate\t women\t and cannot\t wait\t to\t use\t them\t at\t every\t opportunity:\t as\t in:\t Find\t them\/shag\t \u2018em\t & forget\t\u2018em.\tAs\tin:\tTake\tevery\tbitch\tyou\tmeet\tfor\tall\tshe\u2019s\tworth. Sorry,\tbut\tI\t can\u2019t\t abide.\tRefuse\tto.\tThere\t were\twomen\tout\tthere\t who\twere golden,\t decent\t in\t every\t way.\t Right\t off\t the\t top\t of\t my\t head\t two\t from\t work popped\tup:\tthe\tVietnamese\tTam\tand\tthe\twhite\twoman\tin\tmanagement,\tthe\tone who\u2019d\thired\tme.\tNo,\tI\tdid\tnot\tknow\tthe\twhite\tbabe,\tbut\tso\twhat?\tAll\tam\tsaying she\tstruck\tme\tas\tone\tof\tthe\tworthwhile\tones.\tAnd\tthere\thad\tbeen\tothers,\tquite a\tfew\tothers\tover\tthe\tyears. \t Moving\t along:\t Penny,\t this\t was\t the\t girl\u2019s\t name,\t and\t I\t parted\t ways.\t I\u2019d\t done what\t I\t could,\t reached\t out:\t with\t words,\t and\t a\t way\t for\t her\t to\t contact\t me.\t The rest\twas\tup\tto\ther.\tBall\twas\tin\ther\tcourt\u2014should\tshe\tbe\tinterested\tin\tany\tway.\tI could\t only\t hope\/wished\t that\t she\t might.\t Had\t no\t idea\t that\t she\t would,\t for various\t reasons:\t the\t age\t thing;\t who\t knew?\t And\t then\t all\t the\t other\t roadblocks rose\tup\tbefore\tme:\tI\thad\tnothing\tgoing,\tnothing\tto\toffer\tanyone.\tDid\tnot\town\ta","car\teven;\thad\tno\tfuture.\tI\twas\tbut\tan\tover-the-hill\tfactory-flunky\twith\ta\tcheap- ass\tbicycle. And\t the\t writing?\t What\t a\t joke.\t Never\t published,\t and\t quite\t possibly\t never would\t be.\t My\t talent,\t what\t I\t thought\/had\t myself\t convinced\t was\t there,\t nothing more\tthan\tsome\tfantasy\u2014like\tmy\tbrother\tquipped\tmockingly\tthat\ttime\t(in\tthe presence\tof\this\tlady,\tno\tless)\u2014like\tall\tthe\tother\tfantasies\tand\tillusions\tover\tthe years\t throughout\t my\t less-than-auspicious\t existence.\t But\t I\t refused\t to\t give\t up hope.\t We\t cling\t to\t the\t impossible.\t I\t needed\t something\t more\t than\t the\t factory and\tthe\tsore\ttailbone\tand\tlimbs\tand\tnot\tmuch\thappening\ton\tthe\thorizon.","Chapter\t86 A\t day\t or\t two\t passed,\t and\t there\t she\t was\u2014as\t I\t walked\t north\t on\t Camilla \u2014that\tsmile\tbrighter\tthan\tever.\tThrilled\tto\tsee\tme,\twas\tshe?\tAs\tthrilled\tas\tI was\tto\tsee\ther? She\t was\t gushing.\t My\t words\t had\t nearly\t brought\t her\t to\t tears.\t She\t said\t her mother\tthought\tI\tmust\tbe\ta\tnice\tguy.\tHer\tbrother\u2019s\treaction,\ton\tthe\tother\thand, had\tbeen:\tWhy\twould\tanyone\tbe\tinterested\tin\ther? I\t asked\t where\t it\t was\t she\t was\t headed.\t Her\t mother\t was\t a\t social\t worker\t at\t a facility\ton\tCountry\tClub\tRd.\tPenny\trode\thome\twith\ther\twhen\ther\tmom\tgot\toff work.\t I\t got\t that\t part\t of\t it,\t and\t did\t not\t dare\t ask\t about\t the\t school\t books,\t what grade\tshe\twas\tin.\tI\thad\tsuspected\tshe\twas\tin\thigh\tschool\tall\talong,\tperhaps\tthe one\tat\tPalo\tVerde\tand\tPima,\tand\tleft\tit\talone. No\t denying,\t seeing\t her\t made\t me\t feel\t good\t all\t over.\t Greeting\t card\t had worked\tits\tmagic\tand\texceeded\tmy\texpectations. \u201cIt\tmade\tmy\tday.\u201d \u201cWell,\tI\u2019m\tglad,\u201d\tsaid\tI.\tAsked\tif\tshe\tliked\tdogs. \u201cDo\tI?\u201d\tshe\tbeamed.\t\u201cWe\thave\tfive.\u201d Dog-lover.\t Huge\t plus\t right\t there.\t The\t fact\t she\t was\t a\t walker,\t did\t not\t own\t a car\twas\tsomething\telse\twe\thad\tin\tcommon.\tIt\tseemed\tthere\twas\tno\tdad\tin\tthe picture.\tHer\tand\ther\tolder\tbrother\twere\tbeing\traised\tby\tmom.\tThere\twas\ta\tlot to\t like.\t Kindness\t and\t decency\t to\t spare.\t This\t second\t encounter\t had\t certainly buoyed\tmy\tspirits. \t We\t parted.\t I\t wanted\t so\t badly\t to\t be\t with\t her.\t No\t denying.\t No\t getting\t away from\tthoughts\tof\tlove\tand\tlove-making\t(that\tI\tcould\tnot\thelp\tjacking\tit\tto),\tday after\tday.\tAlas,\tthere\twas\tthe\trest:\ttrepidation\/guilt.\tWhat\tright\tdid\tI\thave\tto\tlet a\tgirl\tin\thigh\tschool\tfall\tfor\tme?\tWhat\tright\tindeed?\tI\thad\tnone. Yes,\t a\t flakey,\t overrated\t comedian\t romanced\t a\t high\t school\t chick\t in\t a\t flick called\tManhattan,\t but\t that\t was\ta\tHollywood\tturnip\tnamed\tWoody\tAllen\t in\t a","celluloid\tfantasy\t(who\thad\teven\tattempted\tto\ttake\tMariel\tto\tParis\tpost-filming, which\t Mariel,\t to\t her\t credit,\t had\t declined).\t That\t wouldn\u2019t\t be\t me.\t With\t all\t my flaws,\t and\t there\t were\t too\t many\t to\t list,\t I\t couldn\u2019t\t get\t involved\t with\t a\t high schooler. \t Truth\twas,\tI\twas\ta\t46-year-old\twash-out\tfactory\thand\twith\tzero\tfor\ta\tfuture, non-existent\t prospects.\t It\t gnawed\t at\t me.\t I\t could\t have\t been\t selfish\t about\t it, seduced\tthe\tgirl\tand\tmoved\ton.\tAnd\teven\tif\tI\tfailed\tat\twalking\taway\tand\tmade a\t genuine\t effort\t for\t a\t true\t heart-connection\t to\t develop,\t what\t chance\t did\t it stand\tin\tthe\tlong\trun?\tWhat\tright\tdid\tI\thave\tto\tdo\tthis\tto\tsomeone\tso\tyoung? Was\tI\ta\tdirty\told\tfool,\tafter\tall?\tLech?\tGeezer?\tI\twanted\tand\tneeded\tsomeone in\t my\t life,\t yes,\t but\t not\t a\t teen.\t The\t age\t difference\t was\t too\t vast,\t the\t distance between\tus\ttoo\tgreat.\tI\u2019d\tbe\tfifty\tin\tfour\tshort\tyears\u2014and\tshe\twas\twhat?\tHigh school\tsenior?\tSeventeen?\tEighteen?\tPossibly.\tDidn\u2019t\tknow.\tCouldn\u2019t\ttell.\tEven though\t eighteen\t was\t legal,\t it\t was\t still\t too\t young\t and\t would\u2019ve\t made\t me\t a cradle-robber.\tFrustration\tpiled\ton.\tDragged\tme\tdown.\tGuilt\tso\theavy\tI\tfound\tit tough\tto\tcontinue\tto\tpull\ton\tit\twith\tthoughts\tof\ther. \t It\t was\t no\t good.\t I\t couldn\u2019t\/wouldn\u2019t\t let\t it\t take\t place.\t The\t right\t and commendable\t thing\t had\t to\t be\t done\t here\u2014no\t matter\t how\t many,\t past\t their prime,\t pussy-hounds\t would\u2019ve\t jumped\t at\t an\t opportunity\t like\t this.\t I\t lost\t sleep thinking\t about\t it,\t searching\t for\t the\t answer,\t the\t will\t to\t make\t the\t right\t move. The\t word\t tough\t did\t not\t begin\t to\t describe\t it.\t But\t I\t would\t do\t it:\t create\t distance. Draw\tback.\tDecline\tto\treach\tout\u2014and\thoped\tshe\tunderstood. \t We\t all\t lived\t with\t regrets:\t wrong\t moves\t we\t were\t guilty\t of,\t unkind\t words uttered\t to\t friends\t and\t relations\t that\t should\t have\t never\t escaped\t our\t lips.\t (I\u2019d said\t some\t crude\t things\t over\t the\t phone\t to\t Christine\t that\t time;\t said\t some downright\tcutting\tremarks\tto\tAMV\tduring\tour\tparting\tin\t\u201980.) I\u2019d\t committed\t my\t share\t of\t mistakes\/lugged\t my\t share\t of\t remorse.\t Here\twas an\t opportunity\t to\t \u201catone\u201d\t for\t some\t of\t that.\t I\t would\t hold\t back\t and\t prevent\t this thing\t from\t developing\t into\t an\t affair.\t There\t would\t be\t no\t hugs\/no\t dates\/no kissing\/no\tlove-making.\tNada.\tNothing.\tAbsolutely\tnothing.","Call\t me\t a\t chump\/loser\/ass-hat\/dipstick\u2014any\t and\t all\t of\t the\t above\u2014for blowing\ta\tonce-in-a-lifetime-chance\tat\tan\tuntouched\tgirl.\tI\tnever\twent\taround chasing\t after\t virgins\t like\t some\t guys,\t who,\t in\t my\t book,\t were\t certified\t shitbags to\t begin\t with.\t That\t wouldn\u2019t\t be\t me.\t I\t wouldn\u2019t\t do\t it.\t Not\t here.\t So\t be\t it. Goddammit,\tso\tbe\tit.","Chapter\t87 There\t were\t times\t the\t phone\t would\t ring\t and\t I\t wouldn\u2019t\t answer,\t or\t else if\t I\t picked\t up,\t heard\t a\t female\t voice\t on\t the\t other\t end\u2014whether\t it\t was Penny\t or\t (possibly)\t her\t mother,\t didn\u2019t\t matter\u2014I\u2019d\t lower\t the\t receiver right\tback\tdown\tinto\tthe\tcradle.\tAnd\tit\tended\tthat\tphase\tof\tit.\tBut\tthen\t a phase\tof\ta\tdifferent\tsort\ttranspired\tone\tweekend\tafternoon\twhen\tNellie\twould not\tstop\tbarking. She\twas\tlouder\tthan\tusual\tand\tforced\tme\tto\tyell\tat\ther\tto\tshut\tup.\tWhen\tshe wouldn\u2019t,\t I\t rose\t from\t my\t desk\t to\t see\t what\t the\t ruckus\t was\t about.\t I\t paused\t at the\tglass\tdoor,\tlooking\tpast\tmy\tfront\tyard\tgate\tand\tnoticed\tPenny\tsitting\tin\ta car\twith\ta\tguy\ta\tbit\tolder\tat\tthe\twheel.\tHer\tbrother,\tno\tdoubt.\tShe\u2019d\tattempted to\tenter\tthe\tyard,\tI\timagined,\tand\tbeen\tput\toff\tby\tthe\tdog\u2019s\taggressive\treaction. I\t stood\t there\t at\t the\t patio\t door\t for\t a\t while\u2014could\t see\t them\t both\t looking\t my way\u2014and\tthen\tI\tturned\taway. Later\t that\t day,\t after\t the\t car\t had\t left,\t it\t occurred\t to\t me\t to\t go\t out\t and\t make sure\t the\t gate\t was\t closed\t all\t the\t way.\t In\t fact,\t the\t latch\t had\t been\t disengaged. While\tclosing\tthe\tgate,\tI\thappened\tto\ttake\ta\tlook\tpast\tit\tand\tnoticed\twriting\tin the\tgravel\tthat\tI\tcould\tnot\tmake\tout.\tI\topened\tthe\tgate\tto\ttake\ta\tcloser\tgander. There\twas\ta\tmessage\tof\tsorts\tthat\thad\tbeen\tscratched\tinto\tthe\tdirt\twith\ta\ttwig or\tfinger.\tFrom\tPenny?\tWhat\twas\tit\tshe\thad\ttried\tto\tsay?\tI\twas\table\tto\tmake\tout the\tletters\tthat\tspelled\tout\tmy\tname;\tdigits\tthat\twere,\tno\tdoubt,\tpart\tof\ta\tphone number\u2014and\tthe\twords:\t\u201c.\t.\t.\tplease\tcall\tme.\u201d \t Wished\t I\t could\t have\t explained\t my\t seeming\t indifference;\t wished\t I\t could have,\t or\t should\t have\t articulated\t why\t for\t weeks\t afterwards,\t when\t seeing\t her out\t there\t walking\t in\t different\t parts\t of\t town\t (the\t girl\t walked\t everywhere, lugging\tthose\tschool\tbooks),\tand\thaving\toffered\ther\tnothing\tmore\tthan\ta\tnon- committal\thello.\tShe\talways\thad\tthat\tshy\tsmile\ton\ther\tpretty\tface.\tHad\tperhaps","expected\tme\tto\tstop\tand\tchat,\tlike\twe\tdid\tthat\ttime\tafter\tI\u2019d\tpresented\ther\twith the\tgreeting\tcard,\tbut\tI\tnever\tdid. \t I\thoped\tshe\tunderstood.\tI\tthought\tand\tbelieved\tI\thad\tdone\tthe\tdecent\tthing\u2014 even\tthough,\thell,\tI\twasn\u2019t\tso\tsure\tof\tit\tmyself\tand\thoped\tI\twouldn\u2019t\tregret\tit; hoped\t this\t wouldn\u2019t\t turn\t out\t like\t so\t many\t other\t times\t when opportunity\/possibility\t of\t love\/genuine\t heart\t and\t soul-connection\t came knocking\tand\tI\thad\tbungled\tit,\tlet\tit\tslip\tright\tthrough\tmy\tfingers. Would\t I,\t years\t from\t now,\t regret\t having\t let\t this\t potential\t union\t fall\t by\t the wayside?\tWould\tI?\tHell,\tI\twouldn\u2019t\thave\tto\twait\tyears\tfor\tthat\tto\thappen.\t So why\tbehave\tthis\tway? Because\tevery\tnow\tand\tthen\tyou\tgot\tan\topportunity\tto\tdo\twhat\tyou\tfelt\tin your\tbones\thad\tto\tbe\tright.\tThat\u2019s\twhy.\tExactly\twhy.\tYes,\tbut\u2014Lookit\t Charlie Chaplin\tand\tOona\tO\u2019Neill\tthat\ttime,\tEugene\tO\u2019Neill\u2019s\tdaughter.\tChaplin\twas\tin his\tmid\t50s,\tOona\tonly\t18.\tThey\thad\tmarried\tand\tstayed\ttogether\tuntil\the\tdied many\tyears\tlater. Yeah,\twell,\tfuck\tthe\t\u201cLittle\tTramp.\u201d\tI\twasn\u2019t\tCharlie\tChaplin\tand\tdidn\u2019t\twant to\t be.\t Besides,\t that\t was\t Hollywood.\t Tinseltown\t buttholes\t got\t away\t with\t all kinds\tof\tscuzzy\/under-handed\tcrap.\tCretins\twere\tknown\tfor\tit.\tYes,\tam\tsaying it:\tself-centered\tcelluloid\tcunts\tand\ta-holes\u2014and\tcelebrities\tin\tgeneral\u2014were\ta repulsive\teffing\tbunch. \t I\tcouldn\u2019t\tstop\thating\tmyself,\tsecond-guessing,\tdoubting\tthe\tmove.\tI\tmust\tbe a\tfool.\tI\tonly\thoped\tthat\tshe\tgot\tit,\twith\ttime,\tthat\tshe\twould\tget\tit.\tNot\tthat\tit helped\t any.\t Day\t after\t day\t I\t felt\t this\t way.\t Week\t after\t week.\t It\t went\t on.\t For months."]
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