A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 101 (c)(1)The pole 2. Especially in provides structure and such an open space, I stability. However, due must place any bags to its position in the that I may carry down middle of the open at my feet so as to area right in front of not add on to my the entrance of the already huge exterior. compartment, it places 3. If a crowd of me in a very visible commuters suddenly position. Hence, while enter the train, in that space, I must I must move away ensure that I take from the pole to the note of the following: next available spot. 1. I must not lean against or take up too much space on the pole itself.(Fig.27)I must especially refrain from Note: I must ensure leaning against the that any bags I place on the floor near my feet are not infringing upon other people’s space. pole from behind(Fig.28) discourages others from holding onto the pole.



A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room I have to constantly manage the excess of my body. I have to try and hide my excess flesh. I become the elephant in the room wherever I am. I must do all I can to hide it, disguise it and distract others from it. Code of Permissable Conduct

020: Diagram showing Area (d) Fig.29(d) This triangular handle, although very useful for most train commuters, is very hazardous for me. Having to raise my arms to reach for the handle while trying to stay balanced is very anxiety-inducing due to my hanging arm flesh. (Fig. 29)

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 105 (d)The areas window in the middle of in front of the other the compartment which regular seats which not only allows me are equipped with to view my reflection only the triangular but for others to do hanging handle(Fig.29) so as well. I must are not ideal spaces try at all costs to for me to occupy. I avoid this situation. must try my best to avoid these areas for 3. Furthermore, the following reasons. this position is a highly visible one with very 1. In order limited breathing space to prevent losing my especially during peak balance, I will have to hours. Someone of my reach for the handle. size being sandwiched Doing so, exposes between two rows of the hanging flesh of people is never ideal. my arms. I must try my very best to avoid Note: I must ensure this predicament. that any bags I place on the floor near my feet 2. Standing in are not infringing upon front of the row of other people’s space. seats also places me in front of the wide

021: Diagram showing Area (e) Fig.30(e) The dotted rectangle shows how much space I am allowed to take up when occupying this area. I must remember to be very careful not to overstep this intangible boundary. (Fig. 30)

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 107 (e)The area in circumference will be Note: I must not take between the two rows greatly noticeable. up more than a third of seats where the It will be harder to of this pole’s space. triple vertical pole(Fig.30) avoid contact with I must navigate is another space that others and pretend to the compartment is not ideal for me to take up less space. and proceed to the occupy, regardless of next available area the crowd density, for 3. Also the tri- for me to occupy. the following reasons: pronged nature(Fig.30) of this pole suggests 1. When the that each pole is to train is less crowded, occupied by at least occupying that area one commuter at a would place me in a time. Due to my size vulnerable and exposed I will naturally spill position as I will be over into the other the object of scrutiny commuter’s intangible, for the two rows of designated space. people on either side. 2. When the train is crowded, I will be sandwiched between rows of standing people. Due to the proximity, my larger

022: Diagram Showing Bus Seats Fig.31 Showing the types of seats on a bus that I must never ever under any circumstances take a seat on. Apart from encouraging unnecessary contact with other commuters who may be sitting on either side, the handles on either side of the chair, leave no room for thigh spillage and thus cause excruciating pain. (Fig. 31)

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 109 Buses: Upon entering However, if the only a bus, I must scan the available seats are the area and ask myself seats that run parallel this main question: to the windows on each side, I(Fig.31) must not Excluding the sit down. Those seats priority seats at the are fitted with handles front portion of the and as such are not bus, is there a pair wide enough for my of empty seats? hips and will encourage If so, I may take a unnecessary contact seat in the innermost with other commuters. seat next to the To avoid causing such window. Once I am discomfort to others, seated, I am to follow I must not sit down. the guidelines as If the answer to the outlined on page under main question is ‘No’, Seating Etiquette. I must then scan the available standing space and refer to the diagram below to determine the best place to stand.

023: Diagram Showing Top-View Of Bus (c) ( (a) This area is the wheelchair area, specifically the yellow leaning cushion. This spot is located right near the window which also has a horizontal pole running parallel it.

023: Diagram showing Top-View of Bus (c) This area is the inner aisle of single decker buses with the raised platform, or in the case of double decker buses, the second floor. (b) This area is the vertical pole at the wheelchair area. (a) (b) (c)

(a) 025: Diagram Showing Areas (a) and (b) While this area is the (a) most ideal are for me, I must always be aware that that area is not designated for me. Once any handicapped commuter enters the bus I must vacate the spot and find an alternate solution. (b) This area is provides great support especially when the bus is relatively empty. However, extra care is to be taken during peak hours. I must try my best to take up as little space as possible during those times. (b) (Fig. 32)

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 113 (a) This area space and spill onto the is the best place for main aisle of the bus. me to stand as it Thus as people walk is tucked away in a along that aisle, corner. It allows me I must constantly make to recede back and the effort to move out make myself as small of the way to prevent as possible while still unnecessary contact. providing me with ample support due to the horizontal pole(Fig.32) against the window. (b) These poles are acceptable however, during peak hours, as they are at the edge of the wheelchair area, Note: As people standing there places wak past me I must me right in front of make space for them the crowd.(Fig.32)This as far as possible. added attention is not However, this could favourable. Due to my sometimes bring a lot of unwanted attention to myself. Thus, if it starts becoming too inconvenient I must find another spot to occupy. size, I stick out of the designated standing

026: Diagram Showing Area (c) Fig.33(c) Showing the raised step in the inner aisle of the bus that I must not step onto unless there is absolutely no other alternative area. (Fig. 33)

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 115 (c)(1) In the aisle is much more case of double decker narrow than the buses, I must not climb main aisle. Especially up to the second level when it is crowded, because commuters trying to squeeze past may feel unsafe as they fellow commuters is may believe that my extremely difficult weight might cause an because of my size. imbalanced distribution 3. Due to its of weight resulting in raised nature,(Fig.33) the toppling of the bus. standing within (c)(2) On single that aisle acts as level buses, I must a spotlight. This try my best to avoid unwanted attention standing anywhere will cause discomfort along the inner aisle of to those around me. the raised platform for the following reasons. 1. The inner aisle is raised(Fig.33)and thus when alighting from the bus, it poses a risk of falling. 2. The inner

027: Diagram Showing Airplane Seats Fig.34 Showing the only two types of seats on a plane that I can occupy. If they are situated along the aisle as well as at the emergency exit, as demonstrated in the diagram on this page, that would be the most optimum situation. (Fig. 34)

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 117 Airplanes: While Note: The only this is a mode of disadvantage that transportation that sometimes comes I only occasionally with inhabiting the take, it can be the emergency exit seat is most distressing. the stares from people When travelling alone, wondering if I am able there is one rule that to perform the duties I must always follow: required of someone seated there during There are only an emergency. I must 2 seats I am allowed smile reassuringly when to inhabit; aisle seats graced with such stares. and/or emergency exit seats.(Fig.34)There can be no exceptions to this rule. I must check-in as early as possible in order to secure either of those two seats.

118 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the MANAGING Elephant in the room OCCUPATION OF Compression PUBLIC SPACE Managing Occupation Airplanes of Public Space Public Transport Walking Along The Aisle Trains Area a Area b Area c Area d Area e Buses Area a Area b Area c Planes Walking Along the Aisle

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 119 When boarding an anyone in their seats airplane, once I as they are all probably am guided to the praying that I would correct aisle by the not end up being the air stewardess, I must one next to them. follow these rules when walking along the aisle. Note: While I am walking along the 1. As I am aisle I must put on walking, depending on a reassuring friendly what kind of carry-on smile as I make eye luggage I have, I must contact with any other make sure to walk passengers. They are down the aisle without all probably hoping that hitting anybody’s seats. I do not end up next to them, therefore, I 2. At the same have to give them a time, I must not make reassuring yet it look like that requires knowing smile. any extra effort. I must look relaxed and casual. As though I am not aware that I am the elephant in the room. 3. I must not make eye contact with

120 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the Elephant in the room MANAGING Compression OCCUPATION OF Managing Occupation PUBLIC SPACE of Public Space Public Transport Airplanes Trains Sitting Next to a Stranger Area a Area b Area c Area d Area e Buses Area a Area b Area c Planes Walking Along the Aisle Sitting Next to a Stranger

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 121 Once I have located even if I may get hit my seat, I must follow by the stewardesses these rules to ensure transporting the food that I cause the least and beverage carts. amount of distress This also ensures that to the passenger even when I am asleep seated next to me: and my body relaxes, I 1. I must give will fall onto the aisle- my most reassuring facing side rather than smile and try my best the passenger’s side. to portray a look 3. I must make that says, ‘Don’t sure that when I move worry, I will not be a or adjust my lower nuisance to you.’ body’s position on the 2. I must always seat, I do not perform make sure that my this action with too thighs, hips and arms much force. This is do not spill over to because most airplane Note: When I am on the adjacent seat. I seats are connected a flight, I must never must do this by always in one set and thus harshly or abruptly leaning my entire any harsh movement recline the chair all the way for fear of disturbing the passenger behind me. I must not cause further discomfort to the people around me. body towards the aisle will cause a ripple and away from the of movement across passenger next to me, the adjacent seats.

028: Diagram Showing Airplane Seatbelts Fig.35/Fig.36 Showing how I must pull the extra flap of the seatbelt to the very end of the buckle in order to force it around my stomach. (Fig. 35) (Fig. 36)

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 123 Seatbelts: The 3. Once I have possibility of being pulled it until it can unable to fit the be pulled no further, seatbelt over my I must take in a deep bulging stomach is the breath and suck in my most distressing part stomach as I finally of taking an airplane. attempt to buckle it. Even if it cuts into my 1. I must try skin, I must force it on. my very best to force the seat belt around Note: If I am my belly even if it is unsuccessful at securing uncomfortable and the seatbelt around tight. I must never ever me, I may only ask ask for an extension. for an extension belt if I fail at hiding my 2. In order unbuckled seatbelt from to force the seatbelt the air stewards or around my abdomen, stewardesses. I must pull(Fig.35)the buckle of the seatbelt all the way to the end until there is no strap hanging loose.(Fig.36)

124 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the GENERAL Elephant in the room ETIQUETTE IN PUBLIC SPACES Compression Managing Occupation Seating Etiquette of Public Space Public Transport Trains Area a Area b Area c Area d Area e Buses Area a Area b Area c Planes Walking Along the Aisle Sitting Next to a Stranger General Etiquette in Public Spaces Seating Etiquette

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 125 Whenever I am seated Note: The following in a public place, I have segments are incredibly to take measures to important as they are ensure that my body directly related to does not hinder the the discomfort of the people seated around people around me. me by making sure I must not take the that I only take up following instructions the space designated lightly in order to by one seat. This prevent embarrassment. would be applicable for seats in public transport vehicles, seated event venues, restaurants and lecture halls where the seating is often connected or tessellated. Therefore, how much space I occupy and whatever movements I make, affect the people around me.

Fig. 37 029: Diagram Showing Upper Body Seating positions Showing how to cross (1) my arms to appear smaller by tucking my right hand under my left armpit. (Fig. 37) (2) Fig. 38 Showing how to appear smaller by then using my left hand to grasp my right elbow. (Fig. 38)

030: Diagram Showing Lower Body Seating positions Fig. 39 (3) Showing how to control the spillage of my thighs by crossing one foot over the other and stretching forward as far as I can to squeeze my thighs together. (4) (Fig. 39) Fig. 40 Showing how to seek relief once I am no longer able to bear the pain in my thighs while maintaining the previous position. I may do so by pointing my toes towards each other. This also helps my legs look like they take up less space and appear more dainty. (Fig. 40)

128 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the GENERAL Elephant in the room ETIQUETTE IN PUBLIC SPACES Compression Managing Occupation Seating Etiquette Types of seating of Public Space Public Transport Trains Area a Area b Area c Area d Area e Buses Area a Area b Area c Planes Walking Along the Aisle Sitting Next to a Stranger General Etiquette in Public Spaces Seating Etiquette Types of Seating

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 129 There are certain types Note: These tips of chairs that may or are not meant to may not provide varying be implemented at levels of discomfort. the expense of other This depends on many people’s inconvenience. factors such as the size If it causes discomfort of the actual seat in to the people around relation to the width me, I must hold my of my hips, as well own inabilities in and as the presence of handle the situation arm rests which could appropriately. cause a great deal of discomfort. There is also the possibility that the chair could collapse under my weight if it is not sturdy enough. Wherever I go, I must take care to carefully identify the potential comfort or discomfort of every chair based on the following criteria:

Fig. 41 030: Diagram Showing Types of Seating Angled view of chair (Fig. 42) with slender metal legs (Fig. 44) and high armrests. While there seems to be ample space below the armrest for any potential thigh spillage, the outward projection of the metal legs, coupled with their small circumference poses a risk. This chair could collapse under me if I were to sit on it. Fig. 42 (Fig. 41) Angled view of chair with slender stylized triangular metal legs. Again, the outward projection of the metal legs, poses a risk. This chair could collapse under me if I were to sit on it. Fig. 43 Angled view of chair with thick wooden legs and ample space underneath the arm rests for potential thigh spillage The inward pointing legs show stability. Fig. 44 Front view of the same chair with thick wooden legs. This angle shows the wide seat area which would allow my hips to fit comfortably. (Fig. 43)

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 131 1. I must first and hips are of a take a look at the greater volume, they legs of the chair and will flatten and spread determine if it is strong out when I sit. As such, enough to withstand chairs with no armrests my weight. Typically, will allow space for chairs with thicker the expansion of my metal or wooden legs flesh, even if the actual are(Fig.42) the safest width of the chair is options. In order to not ideal. However, if be doubly sure, I must there is enough space give the chair a little below the armrests shake from side to side of a chair, it may be and then proceed to deemed acceptable.(Fig.41) apply a little pressure 3. The width to the back of the of the flat part of the chair. If there are no chair should ideally be signs of weakness, the able to fit my hips. chair is safe to sit on. This(Fig.44) can usually 2. The presence be measured by eye. Note: I must exercise caution when sitting of armrests greatly on chairs that I am minimises the spillage unfamiliar with. The risk of falling or embarrassment is very high when sitting on chairs that could allowance the chair collapse under me. provides. As my thighs

132 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the GENERAL Elephant in the room ETIQUETTE IN PUBLIC SPACES Compression Managing Occupation Standing Etiquette of Public Space Public Transport Trains Area a Area b Area c Area d Area e Buses Area a Area b Area c Planes Walking Along the Aisle Sitting Next to a Stranger General Etiquette in Public Spaces Seating Etiquette Types of Seating

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 133 Whenever I am standing in public, depending on the crowd density of the area I am in, I must make sure that I take measures to try and reduce the amount of space I occupy such that other people are not inconvenienced by my presence. Apart from determining where best to occupy space as was mentioned previously, there are certain positions I can assume to help take up less space in public. I must take the following measures:

031: Diagram Showing Full-Body Standing positions Fig. 45 Showing how to cross my arms to appear smaller when standing. The inward turned legs also enhance the effect and add a dainty flair to my stance. (Fig. 45)

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 135 1. When in Note: Hunching my crowded situations, shoulders forward for I must stand upright prolonged periods of with my feet as close time will cause great together as possible. pain and discomfort. Therefore, I am advised 2. Ideally, to alternate between leaning against this position and something allows me leaning against a wall or to squeeze my overall support to allow myself volume more effectively. to recede into a corner and appear smaller. 3. I must stand with my arms placed in the middle of my body with one hand on top of the other(Fig.45) to aid in hunching my shoulders forward.

136 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the GENERAL Elephant in the room ETIQUETTE IN PUBLIC SPACES Compression Managing Occupation Escalator Etiquette of Public Space Public Transport Trains Area a Area b Area c Area d Area e Buses Area a Area b Area c Planes Walking Along the Aisle Sitting Next to a Stranger General Etiquette in Public Spaces Seating Etiquette Types of Seating Standing Etiquette Escalator Etiquetete

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 137 Escalators are especially transitional areas and thus are where people are often in a huge rush to move along. Therefore, I must walk as fast as I can to match everybody else’s pace as well as ensure that I am only taking up one half of each stair. People who are in a rush and are walking down the escalators must not be blocked by my body. I must lean as far into the rubber railing as I can in order to take up less space on the escalator.

138 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the GENERAL Elephant in the room ETIQUETTE IN PUBLIC SPACES Compression Managing Occupation Lift Etiquette of Public Space Public Transport Trains Area a Area b Area c Area d Area e Buses Area a Area b Area c Planes Walking Along the Aisle Sitting Next to a Stranger General Etiquette in Public Spaces Seating Etiquette Types of Seating Standing Etiquette Escalator Etiquette Lift Etiquette

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 139 When entering a lift, I Also, lifts are incredibly must use this general compact spaces. rule of thumb: Having to further squeeze my large Is there at self amongst other least 3 people’s people in an already worth of space tight space will cause available in the lift? further discomfort If the answer is no, I and annoyance. must avoid entering the lift and wait for Note: To avoid the next available uncomfortable one. I must do this to conversations on avoid running the risk your size and physical of overloading the lift inability with older and having unnecessary neighbours when in attention drawn to how such close proximity, much I must weigh. simply avoid eye contact.

140 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the SOCIAL Elephant in the room INTERACTION Compression Managing Occupation Conversational Tricks of Public Space Public Transport Trains Area a Area b Area c Area d Area e Buses Area a Area b Area c Planes Walking Along the Aisle Sitting Next to a Stranger General Etiquette in Public Spaces Seating Etiquette Types of Seating Standing Etiquette Escalator Etiquette Lift Etiquette Social Interaction Conversational Tricks

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 141 When in a social effect of both my setting and engaged in size and my opinions conversation, my size is overwhelming. will be the elephant in the room. I must make sure to prevent possible discomfort and tension which could arise from overstating my presence through conversation. However, there is a fine line to be crossed. My voice should not be too soft in comparison to my stark appearance as that could prompt assumptions to be made about my apparent lack of confidence. At the same time, it should not be too loud such that the combined

142 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the SOCIAL Elephant in the room INTERACTION Compression Managing Occupation Conversational Tricks of Public Space Public Transport Trains Area a Area b Area c Area d Area e Buses Area a Area b Area c Planes Walking Along the Aisle Sitting Next to a Stranger General Etiquette in Public Spaces Seating Etiquette Types of Seating Standing Etiquette Escalator Etiquette Lift Etiquette Social Interaction Conversational Tricks

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 143 It must be noted These phrases allow that each method is me to inject my incredibly dependent opinions while not on the situation being too assertive. and thus discretion It also generates a is advised when softer voice which deciding upon which would soften my overall approach to employ. demeanour thus also Using words that cushioning the blow of suggest rather my overall volume. than insist: 1. “ Maybe it would be better if we did it like this…” 2. “ Sorry could it be because of that…I’m not sure but we could try?” 3. “ I might be wrong but….”



A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room I have to constantly manage the excess of my body. I have to try and hide my excess flesh. I become the elephant in the room wherever I am. I must do all I can to hide it, disguise it and distract others from it. Code of Permissable Conduct

146 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the EXPOSURE Elephant in the room MANAGEMENT Concealment Exposure Management

A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room Volume 1 / 2020 Code of Permissable Conduct 147 There are certain Note: Proper attire is parts of my skin only one singular tool I that I cannot show can employ. This only in public. Someone of combats the indecent my size is not allowed exposure of my flesh the same amount but does not however of skin exposure as fully disguise or hide other people. I must the protrusion of all my constantly keep the excess flesh at all times. possible discomfort of In order to keep my other people in mind. areas in check I must Therefore, based constantly check on my on the undesirability posture and etiquette. of each body part, I must manage the exposure of my flesh using proper attire. The diagram below properly demonstrates and explains the problematic areas on my body.

(a) 032: Diagram Showing Areas to be Hidden (Frontal) This area refers to (a) (a) the hanging flesh of my arms, which are especially prominent when they are raised. I must avoid the exposure of them at all costs. The following segments explain the type of attire to wear in order to avoid exposing these parts of my body. (Fig. 46)

033: Diagram Showing Areas to be Hidden (Profile) (e) (c) The dotted line here (f) (d) illustrates the sheer (c) width of my thighs. (Fig. 47) (d) This area shows the protruding mass that is my stomach. This is the biggest inconvenience and must be hidden from view at all times and at all costs. (e) This area shows the hanging flesh that forms my double chin. The visibility of this area is highly troubling and thus measures are to be taken to lessen the appearance of this feature. (f) This area shows the hanging flesh that bulges above my elbow whenever my arm is relaxed or straightened.

150 Code of Permissable Conduct Volume 1 / 2020 A Guide To Being The Elephant In The Room A Guide to Being the PERMITTED Elephant in the room DEGREES OF Concealment EXPOSURE Exposure Management Permitted Degrees of Exposure