["In\t April,\t Connell\t told\t her\t he\t was\t taking\t Rachel\t Moran\t to\t the\t Debs. Marianne\twas\tsitting\ton\tthe\tside\tof\this\tbed\tat\tthe\ttime,\tacting\tvery\tcold\tand humorous,\twhich\tmade\thim\tawkward.\tHe\ttold\ther\tit\twasn\u2019t\t\u2018romantic\u2019,\tand that\the\tand\tRachel\twere\tjust\tfriends. You\tmean\tlike\twe\u2019re\tjust\tfriends,\tsaid\tMarianne. Well,\tno,\the\tsaid.\tDifferent. But\tare\tyou\tsleeping\twith\ther? No.\tWhen\twould\tI\teven\thave\ttime? Do\tyou\twant\tto?\tsaid\tMarianne. I\u2019m\t not\t hugely\t gone\t on\t the\t idea.\t I\t don\u2019t\t feel\t like\t I\u2019m\t that\t insatiable really,\tI\tdo\talready\thave\tyou. Marianne\tstared\tdown\tat\ther\tfingernails. That\twas\ta\tjoke,\tConnell\tsaid. I\tdon\u2019t\tget\twhat\tthe\tjoke\tpart\twas. I\tknow\tyou\u2019re\tpissed\toff\twith\tme. I\t don\u2019t\t really\t care,\t she\t said.\t I\t just\t think\t if\t you\t want\t to\t sleep\t with\t her you\tshould\ttell\tme. Yeah,\tand\tI\twill\ttell\tyou,\tif\tI\tever\twant\tto\tdo\tthat.\tYou\u2019re\tsaying\tthat\u2019s what\tthe\tissue\tis,\tbut\tI\thonestly\tdon\u2019t\tthink\tthat\u2019s\twhat\tit\tis. Marianne\tsnapped:\tWhat\tis\tit,\tthen?\tHe\tjust\tstared\tat\ther.\tShe\twent\tback to\t looking\t at\t her\t fingernails,\t flushed.\t He\t didn\u2019t\t say\t anything.\t Eventually she\tlaughed,\tbecause\tshe\twasn\u2019t\ttotally\twithout\tspirit,\tand\tit\tobviously\twas kind\tof\tfunny,\tjust\thow\tsavagely\the\thad\thumiliated\ther,\tand\this\tinability\tto apologise\tor\teven\tadmit\the\thad\tdone\tit.\tShe\twent\thome\tthen\tand\tstraight\tto bed,\twhere\tshe\tslept\tfor\tthirteen\thours\twithout\twaking. The\t next\t morning\t she\t quit\t school.\t It\t wasn\u2019t\t possible\t to\t go\t back, however\t she\t looked\t at\t it.\t No\t one\t else\t would\t invite\t her\t to\t the\t Debs,\t that was\tclear.\tShe\thad\torganised\tthe\tfundraisers,\tshe\thad\tbooked\tthe\tvenue,\tbut she\t wouldn\u2019t\t be\t able\t to\t attend\t the\t event.\t Everyone\t would\t know\t that,\t and some\t of\t them\t would\t be\t glad,\t and\t even\t the\t most\t sympathetic\t ones\t could only\tfeel\ta\tterrible\tsecond-hand\tembarrassment.\tInstead\tshe\tstayed\thome\tin her\troom\tall\tday\twith\tthe\tcurtains\tclosed,\tstudying\tand\tsleeping\tat\tstrange hours.\t Her\t mother\t was\t furious.\t Doors\t were\t slammed.\t On\t two\t separate occasions\t Marianne\u2019s\t dinner\t was\t scraped\t into\t the\t bin.\t Still,\t she\t was\t an adult\t woman,\t and\t no\t one\t could\t make\t her\t dress\t up\t in\t a\t uniform\t anymore","and\tsubmit\tto\tbeing\tstared\tat\tor\twhispered\tabout. A\t week\t after\t she\t left\t school\t she\t walked\t into\t the\t kitchen\t and\t saw Lorraine\t kneeling\t on\t the\t floor\t to\t clean\t the\t oven.\t Lorraine\t straightened\t up slightly,\t and\t wiped\t her\t forehead\t with\t the\t part\t of\t her\t wrist\t exposed\t above her\trubber\tglove.\tMarianne\tswallowed. Hello,\tsweetheart,\tLorraine\tsaid.\tI\thear\tyou\u2019ve\tbeen\tout\tof\tschool\tfor\ta few\tdays.\tIs\teverything\tokay? Yeah,\tI\u2019m\tfine,\tsaid\tMarianne.\tActually\tI\u2019m\tnot\tgoing\tback\tto\tschool.\tI find\tI\tget\tmore\tdone\tif\tI\tjust\tstay\tat\thome\tand\tstudy. Lorraine\t nodded\t and\t said:\t Suit\t yourself.\t Then\t she\t went\t back\t to scrubbing\tthe\tinside\tof\tthe\toven.\tMarianne\topened\tthe\tfridge\tto\tlook\tfor\tthe orange\tjuice. My\tson\ttells\tme\tyou\u2019re\tignoring\this\tphone\tcalls,\tLorraine\tadded. Marianne\t paused,\t and\t the\t silence\t in\t the\t kitchen\t was\t loud\t in\t her\t ears, like\tthe\twhite\tnoise\tof\trushing\twater.\tYes,\tshe\tsaid.\tI\tam,\tI\tsuppose. Good\tfor\tyou,\tsaid\tLorraine.\tHe\tdoesn\u2019t\tdeserve\tyou. Marianne\t felt\t a\t relief\t so\t high\t and\t sudden\t that\t it\t was\t almost\t like\t panic. She\tput\tthe\torange\tjuice\ton\tthe\tcounter\tand\tclosed\tthe\tfridge. Lorraine,\t she\t said,\t can\t you\t ask\t him\t not\t to\t come\t over\t here\t anymore? Like\tif\the\thas\tto\tcollect\tyou\tor\tanything,\tis\tit\tokay\tif\the\tdoesn\u2019t\tcome\tin\tthe house? Oh,\the\u2019s\tpermanently\tbarred\tas\tfar\tas\tI\u2019m\tconcerned.\tYou\tdon\u2019t\tneed\tto worry\tabout\tthat.\tI\thave\thalf\ta\tmind\tto\tkick\thim\tout\tof\tmy\town\thouse. Marianne\tsmiled,\tfeeling\tawkward.\tHe\tdidn\u2019t\tdo\tanything\tthat\tbad,\tshe said.\tI\tmean,\tcompared\tto\tthe\tother\tpeople\tin\tschool\the\twas\tactually\tpretty nice,\tto\tbe\thonest. At\tthis\tLorraine\tstood\tup\tand\tstripped\toff\ther\tgloves.\tWithout\tspeaking, she\t put\t her\t arms\t around\t Marianne\t and\t embraced\t her\t very\t tightly.\t In\t a strange,\t cramped\t voice\t Marianne\t said:\t It\u2019s\t okay.\t I\u2019m\t fine.\t Don\u2019t\t worry about\tme. It\twas\ttrue\twhat\tshe\thad\tsaid\tabout\tConnell.\tHe\tdidn\u2019t\tdo\tanything\tthat bad.\t He\t had\t never\t tried\t to\t delude\t her\t into\t thinking\t she\t was\t socially acceptable;\t she\u2019d\t deluded\t herself.\t He\t had\t just\t been\t using\t her\t as\t a\t kind\t of private\t experiment,\t and\t her\t willingness\t to\t be\t used\t had\t probably\t shocked him.\tHe\tpitied\ther\tin\tthe\tend,\tbut\tshe\talso\trepulsed\thim.\tIn\ta\tway\tshe\tfeels sorry\tfor\thim\tnow,\tbecause\the\thas\tto\tlive\twith\tthe\tfact\tthat\the\thad\tsex\twith","her,\tof\this\town\tfree\tchoice,\tand\the\tliked\tit.\tThat\tsays\tmore\tabout\thim,\tthe supposedly\t ordinary\t and\t healthy\t person,\t than\t it\t does\t about\t her.\t She\t never went\t back\t to\t school\t again\t except\t to\t sit\t the\t exams.\t By\t then\t people\t were saying\t she\t had\t been\t in\t the\t mental\t hospital.\t None\t of\t that\t mattered\t now anyway. * Are\tyou\tangry\the\tdid\tbetter\tthan\tyou?\tsays\ther\tbrother. Marianne\t laughs.\t And\t why\t shouldn\u2019t\t she\t laugh?\t Her\t life\t here\t in Carricklea\t is\t over,\t and\t either\t a\t new\t life\t will\t begin,\t or\t it\t won\u2019t.\t Soon\t she will\tbe\tpacking\tthings\tinto\tsuitcases:\twoollen\tjumpers,\tskirts,\ther\ttwo\tsilk dresses.\tA\tset\tof\tteacups\tand\tsaucers\tpatterned\twith\tflowers.\tA\thairdryer,\ta frying\t pan,\t four\t white\t cotton\t towels.\t A\t coffee\t pot.\t The\t objects\t of\t a\t new existence. No,\tshe\tsays. Why\twouldn\u2019t\tyou\tsay\thello\tto\thim,\tthen? Ask\thim.\tIf\tyou\u2019re\tsuch\tgood\tfriends\twith\thim,\tyou\tshould\task\thim.\tHe knows. Alan\t makes\t a\t fist\t with\t his\t left\t hand.\t It\t doesn\u2019t\t matter,\t it\u2019s\t over.\t Lately Marianne\t walks\t around\t Carricklea\t and\t thinks\t how\t beautiful\t it\t is\t in\t sunny weather,\t white\t clouds\t like\t chalk\t dust\t over\t the\t library,\t long\t avenues\t lined with\ttrees.\tThe\tarc\tof\ta\ttennis\tball\tthrough\tblue\tair.\tCars\tslowing\tat\ttraffic lights\t with\t their\t windows\t rolled\t down,\t music\t bleating\t from\t the\t speakers. Marianne\twonders\twhat\tit\twould\tbe\tlike\tto\tbelong\there,\tto\twalk\tdown\tthe street\tgreeting\tpeople\tand\tsmiling.\tTo\tfeel\tthat\tlife\twas\thappening\there,\tin this\tplace,\tand\tnot\tsomewhere\telse\tfar\taway. What\tdoes\tthat\tmean?\tsays\tAlan. Ask\tConnell\tWaldron\twhy\twe\u2019re\tnot\tspeaking\tanymore.\tCall\thim\tback now\tif\tyou\twant\tto,\tI\u2019d\tbe\tinterested\tto\thear\twhat\the\thas\tto\tsay. Alan\tbites\tdown\ton\tthe\tknuckle\tof\this\tindex\tfinger.\tHis\tarm\tis\tshaking. In\tjust\ta\tfew\tweeks\u2019\ttime\tMarianne\twill\tlive\twith\tdifferent\tpeople,\tand\tlife will\t be\t different.\t But\t she\t herself\t will\t not\t be\t different.\t She\u2019ll\t be\t the\t same person,\t trapped\t inside\t her\t own\t body.\t There\u2019s\t nowhere\t she\t can\t go\t that would\tfree\ther\tfrom\tthis.\tA\tdifferent\tplace,\tdifferent\tpeople,\twhat\tdoes\tthat matter?\tAlan\treleases\this\tknuckle\tfrom\this\tmouth. Like\t he\t fucking\t cares,\t says\t Alan.\t I\u2019m\t surprised\t he\t even\t knows\t your name. Oh,\twe\tused\tto\tbe\tquite\tclose\tactually.\tYou\tcan\task\thim\tabout\tthat\ttoo,","if\tyou\twant.\tMight\tmake\tyou\ta\tbit\tuncomfortable,\tthough. Before\tAlan\tcan\trespond,\tthey\thear\tsomeone\tcalling\tout\tfrom\tinside\tthe house,\t and\t a\t door\t closing.\t Their\t mother\t is\t home.\t Alan\t looks\t up,\t his expression\t changes,\t and\t Marianne\t feels\t her\t own\t face\t moving\t around involuntarily.\tHe\tglances\tdown\tat\ther.\tYou\tshouldn\u2019t\ttell\tlies\tabout\tpeople, he\t says.\t Marianne\t nods,\t says\t nothing.\t Don\u2019t\t tell\t Mam\t about\t this,\t he\t says. Marianne\tshakes\ther\thead.\tNo,\tshe\tagrees.\tBut\tit\twouldn\u2019t\tmatter\tif\tshe\tdid tell\ther,\tnot\treally.\tDenise\tdecided\ta\tlong\ttime\tago\tthat\tit\tis\tacceptable\tfor men\t to\t use\t aggression\t towards\t Marianne\t as\t a\t way\t of\t expressing themselves.\tAs\ta\tchild\tMarianne\tresisted,\tbut\tnow\tshe\tsimply\tdetaches,\tas if\tit\tisn\u2019t\tof\tany\tinterest\tto\ther,\twhich\tin\ta\tway\tit\tisn\u2019t.\tDenise\tconsiders\tthis a\tsymptom\tof\ther\tdaughter\u2019s\tfrigid\tand\tunlovable\tpersonality.\tShe\tbelieves Marianne\t lacks\t \u2018warmth\u2019,\t by\t which\t she\t means\t the\t ability\t to\t beg\t for\t love from\tpeople\twho\thate\ther.\tAlan\tgoes\tback\tinside\tnow.\tMarianne\thears\tthe patio\tdoor\tslide\tshut.","Three\tMonths\tLater (NOVEMBER\t2011) Connell\t doesn\u2019t\t know\t anyone\t at\t the\t party.\t The\t person\t who\t invited\t him isn\u2019t\tthe\tsame\tperson\twho\tanswered\tthe\tdoor\tand,\twith\tan\tindifferent\tshrug, let\t him\t inside.\t He\t still\t hasn\u2019t\t seen\t the\t person\t who\t invited\t him,\t a\t person called\tGareth,\twho\u2019s\tin\this\tCritical\tTheory\tseminar.\tConnell\tknew\tgoing\tto a\t party\t on\t his\t own\t would\t be\t a\t bad\t idea,\t but\t on\t the\t phone\t Lorraine\t said\t it would\t be\t a\t good\t idea.\t I\t won\u2019t\t know\t anyone,\t he\t told\t her.\t And\t she\t said patiently:\t You\t won\u2019t\t get\t to\t know\t anyone\t if\t you\t don\u2019t\t go\t out\t and\t meet people.\t Now\t he\u2019s\t here,\t standing\t on\t his\t own\t in\t a\t crowded\t room\t not knowing\twhether\tto\ttake\this\tjacket\toff.\tIt\tfeels\tpractically\tscandalous\tto\tbe lingering\t here\t in\t solitude.\t He\t feels\t as\t if\t everyone\t around\t him\t is\t disturbed by\this\tpresence,\tand\ttrying\tnot\tto\tstare. Finally,\t just\t as\t he\t decides\t to\t leave,\t Gareth\t comes\t in.\t Connell\u2019s\t intense relief\t at\t seeing\t Gareth\t triggers\t another\t wave\t of\t self-loathing,\t since\t he doesn\u2019t\t even\t know\t Gareth\t very\t well\t or\t particularly\t like\t him.\t Gareth\t puts his\t hand\t out\t and\t desperately,\t bizarrely,\t Connell\t finds\t himself\t shaking\t it. It\u2019s\ta\tlow\tmoment\tin\this\tadult\tlife.\tPeople\tare\twatching\tthem\tshake\thands, Connell\tis\tcertain\tof\tthis.\tGood\tto\tsee\tyou,\tman,\tsays\tGareth.\tGood\tto\tsee you.\t I\t like\t the\t backpack,\t very\t nineties.\t Connell\t is\t wearing\t a\t completely plain\tnavy\tbackpack\twith\tno\tfeatures\tto\tdistinguish\tit\tfrom\tany\tof\tthe\tother numerous\tbackpacks\tat\tthe\tparty. Uh,\the\tsays.\tYeah,\tthanks. Gareth\t is\t one\t of\t these\t popular\t people\t who\u2019s\t involved\t in\t college societies.\t He\t went\t to\t one\t of\t the\t big\t private\t schools\t in\t Dublin\t and\t people are\talways\tgreeting\thim\ton\tcampus,\tlike:\tHey,\tGareth!\tGareth,\they!\tThey\u2019ll greet\t him\t from\t all\t the\t way\t across\t Front\t Square,\t just\t to\t get\t him\t to\t wave hello.\tConnell\thas\tseen\tit.\tPeople\tused\tto\tlike\tme,\the\tfeels\tlike\tsaying\tas\ta joke.\tI\tused\tto\tbe\ton\tmy\tschool\tfootball\tteam.\tNo\tone\twould\tlaugh\tat\tthat joke\there. Can\tI\tget\tyou\ta\tdrink?\tsays\tGareth. Connell\t has\t a\t six-pack\t of\t cider\t with\t him,\t but\t he\u2019s\t reluctant\t to\t do anything\t that\t would\t draw\t attention\t to\t his\t backpack,\t in\t case\t Gareth\t might feel\t prompted\t to\t comment\t on\t it\t further.\t Cheers,\t he\t says.\t Gareth\t navigates over\tto\tthe\ttable\tat\tthe\tside\tof\tthe\troom\tand\treturns\twith\ta\tbottle\tof\tCorona. This\t okay?\t says\t Gareth.\t Connell\t looks\t at\t him\t for\t a\t second,\t wondering\t if the\tquestion\tis\tironic\tor\tgenuinely\tservile.\tUnable\tto\tdecide,\tConnell\tsays:","Yeah,\tit\u2019ll\tdo,\tthanks.\tPeople\tin\tcollege\tare\tlike\tthis,\tunpleasantly\tsmug\tone minute\t and\t then\t abasing\t themselves\t to\t show\t off\t their\t good\t manners\t the next.\t He\t sips\t the\t beer\t while\t Gareth\t watches\t him.\t Without\t any\t apparent sarcasm\tGareth\tgrins\tand\tsays:\tEnjoy. This\tis\twhat\tit\u2019s\tlike\tin\tDublin.\tAll\tConnell\u2019s\tclassmates\thave\tidentical accents\t and\t carry\t the\t same\t size\t MacBook\t under\t their\t arms.\t In\t seminars they\t express\t their\t opinions\t passionately\t and\t conduct\t impromptu\t debates. Unable\tto\tform\tsuch\tstraightforward\tviews\tor\texpress\tthem\twith\tany\tforce, Connell\t initially\t felt\t a\t sense\t of\t crushing\t inferiority\t to\t his\t fellow\t students, as\tif\the\thad\tupgraded\thimself\taccidentally\tto\tan\tintellectual\tlevel\tfar\tabove his\t own,\t where\t he\t had\t to\t strain\t to\t make\t sense\t of\t the\t most\t basic\t premises. He\tdid\tgradually\tstart\tto\twonder\twhy\tall\ttheir\tclassroom\tdiscussions\twere so\t abstract\t and\t lacking\t in\t textual\t detail,\t and\t eventually\t he\t realised\t that most\t people\t were\t not\t actually\t doing\t the\t reading.\t They\t were\t coming\t into college\tevery\tday\tto\thave\theated\tdebates\tabout\tbooks\tthey\thad\tnot\tread.\tHe understands\tnow\tthat\this\tclassmates\tare\tnot\tlike\thim.\tIt\u2019s\teasy\tfor\tthem\tto have\t opinions,\t and\t to\t express\t them\t with\t confidence.\t They\t don\u2019t\t worry about\t appearing\t ignorant\t or\t conceited.\t They\t are\t not\t stupid\t people,\t but they\u2019re\t not\t so\t much\t smarter\t than\t him\t either.\t They\t just\t move\t through\t the world\t in\t a\t different\t way,\t and\t he\u2019ll\t probably\t never\t really\t understand\t them, and\the\tknows\tthey\twill\tnever\tunderstand\thim,\tor\teven\ttry. He\tonly\thas\ta\tfew\tclasses\tevery\tweek\tanyway,\tso\the\tfills\tthe\trest\tof\tthe time\t by\t reading.\t In\t the\t evenings\t he\t stays\t late\t in\t the\t library,\t reading assigned\ttexts,\tnovels,\tworks\tof\tliterary\tcriticism.\tNot\thaving\tfriends\tto\teat with,\t he\t reads\t over\t lunch.\t At\t the\t weekends\t when\t there\u2019s\t football\t on,\t he checks\t the\t team\t news\t and\t then\t goes\t back\t to\t reading\t instead\t of\t watching the\t build-up.\t One\t night\t the\t library\t started\t closing\t just\t as\t he\t reached\t the passage\t in\t Emma\t when\t it\t seems\t like\t Mr\t Knightley\t is\t going\t to\t marry Harriet,\t and\t he\t had\t to\t close\t the\t book\t and\t walk\t home\t in\t a\t state\t of\t strange emotional\t agitation.\t He\u2019s\t amused\t at\t himself,\t getting\t wrapped\t up\t in\t the drama\t of\t novels\t like\t that.\t It\t feels\t intellectually\t unserious\t to\t concern himself\t with\t fictional\t people\t marrying\t one\t another.\t But\t there\t it\t is: literature\t moves\t him.\t One\t of\t his\t professors\t calls\t it\t \u2018the\t pleasure\t of\t being touched\tby\tgreat\tart\u2019.\tIn\tthose\twords\tit\talmost\tsounds\tsexual.\tAnd\tin\ta\tway, the\tfeeling\tprovoked\tin\tConnell\twhen\tMr\tKnightley\tkisses\tEmma\u2019s\thand\tis not\t completely\t asexual,\t though\t its\t relation\t to\t sexuality\t is\t indirect.\t It suggests\t to\t Connell\t that\t the\t same\t imagination\t he\t uses\t as\t a\t reader\t is necessary\tto\tunderstand\treal\tpeople\talso,\tand\tto\tbe\tintimate\twith\tthem. You\u2019re\tnot\tfrom\tDublin,\tare\tyou?\tsays\tGareth. No.\tSligo.","Oh\tyeah?\tMy\tgirlfriend\u2019s\tfrom\tSligo. Connell\tisn\u2019t\tsure\twhat\tGareth\texpects\thim\tto\tsay\tto\tthis. Oh,\the\treplies\tweakly.\tWell,\tthere\tyou\tgo. People\t in\t Dublin\t often\t mention\t the\t west\t of\t Ireland\t in\t this\t strange\t tone of\tvoice,\tas\tif\tit\u2019s\ta\tforeign\tcountry,\tbut\tone\tthey\tconsider\tthemselves\tvery knowledgeable\tabout.\tIn\tthe\tWorkmans\tthe\tother\tnight,\tConnell\ttold\ta\tgirl he\twas\tfrom\tSligo\tand\tshe\tmade\ta\tfunny\tface\tand\tsaid:\tYeah,\tyou\tlook\tlike it.\t Increasingly\t it\t seems\t as\t if\t Connell\t is\t actually\t drawn\t towards\t this supercilious\t type\t of\t person.\t Sometimes\t on\t a\t night\t out,\t among\t a\t crowd\t of smiling\t women\t in\t tight\t dresses\t and\t perfectly\t applied\t lipstick,\t his\t flatmate Niall\twill\tpoint\tout\tone\tperson\tand\tsay:\tI\tbet\tyou\tthink\tshe\u2019s\tattractive.\tAnd it\twill\talways\tbe\tsome\tflat-chested\tgirl\twearing\tugly\tshoes\tand\tdisdainfully smoking\t a\t cigarette.\t And\t Connell\t has\t to\t admit,\t yes,\t he\t does\t find\t her attractive,\tand\the\tmay\teven\ttry\tto\ttalk\tto\ther,\tand\the\twill\tgo\thome\tfeeling even\tworse\tthan\tbefore. Awkwardly\the\tlooks\taround\tthe\troom\tand\tsays:\tYou\tlive\there,\tdo\tyou? Yeah,\tsays\tGareth.\tNot\tbad\tfor\tcampus\taccommodation,\tis\tit? No,\tyeah.\tIt\u2019s\treally\tnice\tactually. Whereabouts\tare\tyou\tliving\tyourself? Connell\t tells\t him.\t It\u2019s\t a\t flat\t near\t college,\t just\t off\t Brunswick\t Place.\t He and\t Niall\t have\t one\t box\t room\t between\t them,\t with\t two\t single\t beds\t pushed up\t against\t opposite\t walls.\t They\t share\t a\t kitchen\t with\t two\t Portuguese students\t who\t are\t never\t home.\t The\t flat\t has\t some\t problems\t with\t damp\t and often\tgets\tso\tcold\tat\tnight\tthat\tConnell\tcan\tsee\this\town\tbreath\tin\tthe\tdark, but\t Niall\t is\t a\t decent\t person\t at\t least.\t He\u2019s\t from\t Belfast,\t and\t he\t also\t thinks people\tin\tTrinity\tare\tweird,\twhich\tis\treassuring.\tConnell\thalf-knows\tsome of\t Niall\u2019s\t friends\t by\t now,\t and\t he\u2019s\t acquainted\t with\t most\t of\t his\t own classmates,\tbut\tno\tone\the\twould\thave\ta\tproper\tconversation\twith. Back\thome,\tConnell\u2019s\tshyness\tnever\tseemed\tlike\tmuch\tof\tan\tobstacle\tto his\t social\t life,\t because\t everyone\t knew\t who\t he\t was\t already,\t and\t there\t was never\t any\t need\t to\t introduce\t himself\t or\t create\t impressions\t about\t his personality.\t If\t anything,\t his\t personality\t seemed\t like\t something\t external\t to himself,\t managed\t by\t the\t opinions\t of\t others,\t rather\t than\t anything\t he individually\t did\t or\t produced.\t Now\t he\t has\t a\t sense\t of\t invisibility, nothingness,\t with\t no\t reputation\t to\t recommend\t him\t to\t anyone.\t Though\t his physical\t appearance\t has\t not\t changed,\t he\t feels\t objectively\t worse-looking than\the\tused\tto\tbe.\tHe\thas\tbecome\tself-conscious\tabout\this\tclothes.\tAll\tthe guys\t in\t his\t class\t wear\t the\t same\t waxed\t hunting\t jackets\t and\t plum-coloured","chinos,\tnot\tthat\tConnell\thas\ta\tproblem\twith\tpeople\tdressing\thow\tthey\twant, but\t he\t would\t feel\t like\t a\t complete\t prick\t wearing\t that\t stuff.\t At\t the\t same time,\t it\t forces\t him\t to\t acknowledge\t that\t his\t own\t clothes\t are\t cheap\t and unfashionable.\tHis\tonly\tshoes\tare\tan\tancient\tpair\tof\tAdidas\ttrainers,\twhich he\twears\teverywhere,\teven\tto\tthe\tgym. He\t still\t goes\t home\t at\t the\t weekends,\t because\t he\t works\t in\t the\t garage Saturday\t afternoons\t and\t Sunday\t mornings.\t Most\t people\t from\t school\t have left\t town\t now,\t for\t college\t or\t for\t work.\t Karen\t is\t living\t down\t in\t Castlebar with\t her\t sister,\t Connell\t hasn\u2019t\t seen\t her\t since\t the\t Leaving\t Cert.\t Rob\t and Eric\t are\t both\t studying\t Business\t in\t Galway\t and\t never\t seem\t to\t be\t in\t town. Some\t weekends\t Connell\t doesn\u2019t\t see\t anyone\t from\t school\t at\t all.\t He\t sits\t at home\t in\t the\t evening\t watching\t television\t with\t his\t mother.\t What\u2019s\t it\t like living\ton\tyour\town?\the\tasked\ther\tlast\tweek.\tShe\tsmiled.\tOh,\tit\u2019s\tfantastic, she\t said.\t No\t one\t leaving\t towels\t on\t the\t couch.\t No\t dirty\t dishes\t in\t the\t sink, it\u2019s\t great.\t He\t nodded,\t humourless.\t She\t gave\t him\t a\t playful\t little\t shove. What\tdo\tyou\twant\tme\tto\tsay?\tshe\tsays.\tI\u2019m\tcrying\tmyself\tto\tsleep\tat\tnight? He\trolled\this\teyes.\tObviously\tnot,\the\tmuttered.\tShe\ttold\thim\tshe\twas\tglad he\t had\t moved\t away,\t she\t thought\t it\t would\t be\t good\t for\t him.\t What\u2019s\t good about\tmoving\taway?\the\tsaid.\tYou\u2019ve\tlived\there\tall\tyour\tlife\tand\tyou\tturned out\tfine.\tShe\tgawked\tat\thim.\tOh,\tand\tyou\u2019re\tplanning\tto\tbury\tme\there,\tare you?\tshe\tsaid.\tJesus,\tI\u2019m\tonly\tthirty-five.\tHe\ttried\tnot\tto\tsmile,\tbut\the\tdid find\tit\tfunny.\tI\tcould\tmove\taway\ttomorrow,\tthanks\tvery\tmuch,\tshe\tadded. It\twould\tsave\tme\tlooking\tat\tyour\tmiserable\tface\tevery\tweekend.\tHe\thad\tto laugh\tthen,\the\tcouldn\u2019t\thelp\tit. Gareth\tis\tsaying\tsomething\tConnell\tcan\u2019t\thear\tnow.\tWatch\tthe\tThrone\tis playing\tvery\tloudly\tover\ta\ttinny\tpair\tof\tspeakers.\tConnell\tleans\tforward\ta little,\ttowards\tGareth,\tand\tsays:\tWhat? My\tgirlfriend,\tyou\tshould\tmeet\ther,\tsays\tGareth.\tI\u2019ll\tintroduce\tyou. Glad\t of\t a\t break\t in\t the\t conversation,\t Connell\t follows\t Gareth\t out\t the main\t door\t and\t onto\t the\t front\t steps.\t The\t building\t faces\t the\t tennis\t courts, which\t are\t locked\t now\t for\t the\t night\t and\t look\t eerily\t cool\t in\t the\t emptiness, reddish\t under\t the\t street\t lights.\t Down\t the\t steps\t some\t people\t are\t smoking and\ttalking. Hey,\tMarianne,\tsays\tGareth. She\t looks\t up\t from\t her\t cigarette,\t mid-sentence.\t She\u2019s\t wearing\t a corduroy\tjacket\tover\ta\tdress,\tand\ther\thair\tis\tpinned\tback.\tHer\thand,\tholding the\tcigarette,\tlooks\tlong\tand\tethereal\tin\tthe\tlight. Oh,\tright,\tsays\tConnell.\tHi.","Instantly,\t unbelievably,\t Marianne\u2019s\t face\t breaks\t into\t a\t gigantic\t smile, exposing\t her\t crooked\t front\t teeth.\t She\u2019s\t wearing\t lipstick.\t Everyone\t is watching\ther\tnow.\tShe\thad\tbeen\tspeaking,\tbut\tshe\u2019s\tstopped\tto\tstare\tat\thim. Jesus\tChrist,\tshe\tsays.\tConnell\tWaldron!\tFrom\tbeyond\tthe\tgrave. He\tcoughs\tand,\tin\ta\tpanic\tto\tappear\tnormal,\tsays:\tWhen\tdid\tyou\ttake\tup smoking? To\tGareth,\tto\ther\tfriends,\tshe\tadds:\tWe\twent\tto\tschool\ttogether.\tFixing her\t gaze\t on\t Connell\t again,\t looking\t radiantly\t pleased,\t she\t says:\t Well,\t how are\tyou?\tHe\tshrugs\tand\tmumbles:\tYeah,\talright,\tgood.\tShe\tlooks\tat\thim\tas if\t her\t eyes\t have\t a\t message\t in\t them.\t Would\t you\t like\t a\t drink?\t she\t says.\t He holds\tup\tthe\tbottle\tGareth\tgave\thim.\tI\u2019ll\tget\tyou\ta\tglass,\tshe\tsays.\tCome\ton inside.\tShe\tgoes\tup\tthe\tsteps\tto\thim.\tOver\ther\tshoulder\tshe\tsays:\tBack\tin\ta second.\tFrom\tthis\tremark,\tand\tfrom\tthe\tway\tshe\twas\tstanding\ton\tthe\tsteps, he\tcan\ttell\tthat\tall\tthese\tpeople\tat\tthe\tparty\tare\ther\tfriends,\tshe\thas\ta\tlot\tof friends,\tand\tshe\u2019s\thappy.\tThen\tthe\tfront\tdoor\tshuts\tbehind\tthem\tand\tthey\u2019re in\tthe\thallway,\talone. He\t follows\t her\t to\t the\t kitchen,\t which\t is\t empty\t and\t hygienically\t quiet. Matching\tteal\tsurfaces\tand\tlabelled\tappliances.\tThe\tclosed\twindow\treflects the\t lighted\t interior,\t blue\t and\t white.\t He\t doesn\u2019t\t need\t a\t glass\t but\t she\t takes one\t from\t the\t cupboard\t and\t he\t doesn\u2019t\t protest.\t Taking\t her\t jacket\t off,\t she asks\t him\t how\t he\t knows\t Gareth.\t Connell\t says\t they\t have\t classes\t together. She\t hangs\t her\t jacket\t on\t the\t back\t of\t a\t chair.\t She\u2019s\t wearing\t a\t longish\t grey dress,\tin\twhich\ther\tbody\tlooks\tnarrow\tand\tdelicate. Everyone\tseems\tto\tknow\thim,\tshe\tsays.\tHe\u2019s\textroverted. He\u2019s\tone\tof\tthese\tcampus\tcelebrities,\tsays\tConnell. That\tmakes\ther\tlaugh,\tand\tit\u2019s\tlike\teverything\tis\tfine\tbetween\tthem,\tlike they\t live\t in\t a\t slightly\t different\t universe\t where\t nothing\t bad\t has\t happened but\t Marianne\t suddenly\t has\t a\t cool\t boyfriend\t and\t Connell\t is\t the\t lonely, unpopular\tone. He\u2019d\tlove\tthat,\tsays\tMarianne. He\tseems\tto\tbe\ton\ta\tlot\tof\tlike,\tcommittees\tfor\tthings. She\t smiles,\t she\t squints\t up\t at\t him.\t Her\t lipstick\t is\t very\t dark,\t a\t wine colour,\tand\tshe\u2019s\twearing\tmake-up\ton\ther\teyes. I\u2019ve\tmissed\tyou,\tshe\tsays. This\tdirectness,\tcoming\tso\tsoon\tand\tso\tunexpectedly,\tmakes\thim\tblush. He\tstarts\tpouring\tthe\tbeer\tinto\tthe\tglass\tto\tdivert\this\tattention.","Yeah,\tyou\ttoo,\the\tsays.\tI\twas\tkind\tof\tworried\twhen\tyou\tleft\tschool\tand all\tthat.\tYou\tknow,\tI\twas\tpretty\tdown\tabout\tit. Well,\twe\tnever\thung\tout\tmuch\tduring\tschool\thours. No.\tYeah.\tObviously. And\twhat\tabout\tyou\tand\tRachel?\tsays\tMarianne.\tAre\tyou\tstill\ttogether? No,\twe\tbroke\tup\tthere\tduring\tthe\tsummer. In\ta\tvoice\tjust\tfalse\tenough\tto\tsound\tnearly\tsincere,\tMarianne\tsays:\tOh. I\u2019m\tsorry. * After\tMarianne\tleft\tschool\tin\tApril,\tConnell\tentered\ta\tperiod\tof\tlow\tspirits. Teachers\tspoke\tto\thim\tabout\tit.\tThe\tguidance\tcounsellor\ttold\tLorraine\tshe was\t \u2018concerned\u2019.\t People\t in\t school\t were\t probably\t talking\t about\t it\t too,\t he didn\u2019t\tknow.\tHe\tcouldn\u2019t\tsummon\tup\tthe\tenergy\tto\tact\tnormal.\tAt\tlunch\the sat\tin\tthe\tsame\tplace\tas\talways,\teating\tsad\tmouthfuls\tof\tfood,\tnot\tlistening to\t his\t friends\t when\t they\t spoke.\t Sometimes\t he\t wouldn\u2019t\t notice\t even\t when they\t called\t his\t name,\t and\t they\t would\t have\t to\t throw\t something\t at\t him\t or clip\thim\ton\tthe\thead\tto\tget\this\tattention.\tEveryone\tmust\thave\tknown\tthere was\tsomething\twrong\twith\thim.\tHe\tfelt\ta\tdebilitating\tshame\tabout\tthe\tkind of\tperson\the\u2019d\tturned\tout\tto\tbe,\tand\the\tmissed\tthe\tway\tMarianne\thad\tmade him\tfeel,\tand\the\tmissed\ther\tcompany.\tHe\tcalled\ther\tphone\tall\tthe\ttime,\the sent\ther\ttext\tmessages\tevery\tday,\tbut\tshe\tnever\treplied.\tHis\tmother\tsaid\the was\t barred\t from\t visiting\t her\t house,\t though\t he\t didn\u2019t\t think\t he\t would\t have tried\tthat\tanyway. For\t a\t while\t he\t tried\t to\t get\t over\t it\t by\t drinking\t too\t much\t and\t having anxious,\t upsetting\t sex\t with\t other\t girls.\t At\t a\t house\t party\t in\t May\t he\t slept with\t Barry\t Kenny\u2019s\t sister\t Sinead,\t who\t was\t twenty-three\t and\t had\t a\t degree in\t Speech\t and\t Language\t Therapy.\t Afterwards\t he\t felt\t so\t bad\t he\t threw\t up, and\the\thad\tto\ttell\tSinead\the\twas\tdrunk\teven\tthough\the\twasn\u2019t\treally.\tThere was\t no\t one\t he\t could\t talk\t to\t about\t that.\t He\t was\t excruciatingly\t lonely.\t He had\t recurring\t dreams\t about\t being\t with\t Marianne\t again,\t holding\t her peacefully\tthe\tway\the\tused\tto\twhen\tthey\twere\ttired,\tand\tspeaking\twith\ther in\t low\t voices.\t Then\t he\u2019d\t remember\t what\t had\t happened,\t and\t wake\t up feeling\tso\tdepressed\the\tcouldn\u2019t\tmove\ta\tsingle\tmuscle\tin\this\tbody. One\t night\t in\t June\t he\t came\t home\t drunk\t and\t asked\t Lorraine\t if\t she\t saw Marianne\tmuch\tat\twork. Sometimes,\tsaid\tLorraine.\tWhy? And\tis\tshe\talright,\tor\twhat?","I\u2019ve\talready\ttold\tyou\tI\tthink\tshe\u2019s\tupset. She\twon\u2019t\treply\tto\tany\tof\tmy\ttexts\tor\tanything,\the\tsaid.\tWhen\tI\tcall\ther, like\tif\tshe\tsees\tit\u2019s\tme,\tshe\twon\u2019t\tpick\tup. Because\tyou\thurt\ther\tfeelings. Yeah,\tbut\tit\u2019s\tkind\tof\toverreacting,\tisn\u2019t\tit? Lorraine\tshrugged\tand\tlooked\tback\tat\tthe\tTV. Do\tyou\tthink\tit\tis?\the\tsaid. Do\tI\tthink\twhat? Do\tyou\tthink\tit\u2019s\toverreacting,\twhat\tshe\u2019s\tdoing? Lorraine\tkept\tlooking\tstraight\tat\tthe\tTV.\tConnell\twas\tdrunk,\the\tdoesn\u2019t remember\twhat\tshe\twas\twatching.\tSlowly\tshe\tsaid:\tYou\tknow,\tMarianne\tis a\t very\t vulnerable\t person.\t And\t you\t did\t something\t very\t exploitative\t there and\tyou\thurt\ther.\tSo\tmaybe\tit\u2019s\tgood\tthat\tyou\u2019re\tfeeling\tbad\tabout\tit. I\tdidn\u2019t\tsay\tI\tfelt\tbad\tabout\tit,\the\tsaid. He\tand\tRachel\tstarted\tseeing\teach\tother\tin\tJuly.\tEveryone\tin\tschool\thad known\tshe\tliked\thim,\tand\tshe\tseemed\tto\tview\tthe\tattachment\tbetween\tthem as\t a\t personal\t achievement\t on\t her\t part.\t As\t to\t the\t actual\t relationship,\t it mostly\t took\t place\t before\t nights\t out,\t when\t she\t would\t put\t make-up\t on\t and complain\t about\t her\t friends\t and\t Connell\t would\t sit\t around\t drinking\t cans. Sometimes\t he\t looked\t at\t his\t phone\t while\t she\t was\t talking\t and\t she\t would say:\t You\u2019re\t not\t even\t listening.\t He\t hated\t the\t way\t he\t acted\t around\t her, because\t she\t was\t right,\t he\t really\t didn\u2019t\t listen,\t but\t when\t he\t did,\t he\t didn\u2019t like\tanything\tshe\tactually\tsaid.\tHe\tonly\thad\tsex\twith\ther\ttwice,\tneither\ttime enjoyable,\t and\t when\t they\t lay\t in\t bed\t together\t he\t felt\t a\t constricting\t pain\t in his\t chest\t and\t throat\t that\t made\t it\t difficult\t to\t breathe.\t He\t had\t thought\t that being\t with\t her\t would\t make\t him\t feel\t less\t lonely,\t but\t it\t only\t gave\t his loneliness\ta\tnew\tstubborn\tquality,\tlike\tit\twas\tplanted\tdown\tinside\thim\tand impossible\tto\tkill. Eventually\t the\t night\t of\t the\t Debs\t came.\t Rachel\t wore\t an\t extravagantly expensive\t dress\t and\t Connell\t stood\t in\t her\t front\t garden\t while\t her\t mother took\ttheir\tphotograph.\tRachel\tkept\tmentioning\tthat\the\twas\tgoing\tto\tTrinity, and\t her\t father\t showed\t him\t some\t golf\t clubs.\t Then\t they\t went\t to\t the\t hotel and\tate\tdinner.\tEveryone\tgot\tvery\tdrunk\tand\tLisa\tpassed\tout\tbefore\tdessert. Under\t the\t table\t Rob\t showed\t Eric\t and\t Connell\t naked\t photographs\t of\t Lisa on\this\tphone.\tEric\tlaughed\tand\ttapped\tparts\tof\tLisa\u2019s\tbody\ton-screen\twith his\tfingers.\tConnell\tsat\tthere\tlooking\tat\tthe\tphone\tand\tthen\tsaid\tquietly:\tBit fucked-up\t showing\t these\t to\t people,\t isn\u2019t\t it?\t With\t a\t loud\t sigh\t Rob\t locked","the\tphone\tand\tput\tit\tback\tin\this\tpocket.\tYou\u2019ve\tgotten\tawfully\tfucking\tgay about\tthings\tlately,\the\tsaid. At\t midnight,\t sloppy\t drunk\t but\t hypocritically\t disgusted\t by\t the drunkenness\t of\t everyone\t around\t him,\t Connell\t wandered\t out\t of\t the ballroom\t and\t down\t a\t corridor\t into\t the\t smoking\t garden.\t He\t had\t lit\t a cigarette\t and\t was\t in\t the\t process\t of\t shredding\t some\t low-hanging\t leaves from\ta\tnearby\ttree\twhen\tthe\tdoor\tslid\topen\tand\tEric\tcame\tout\tto\tjoin\thim. Eric\t gave\t a\t knowing\t laugh\t on\t seeing\t him,\t and\t then\t sat\t on\t an\t upturned flowerpot\tand\tlit\ta\tcigarette\thimself. Shame\tMarianne\tdidn\u2019t\tcome\tin\tthe\tend,\tEric\tsaid. Connell\t nodded,\t hating\t to\t hear\t her\t name\t mentioned\t and\t unwilling\t to indulge\tit\twith\ta\tresponse. What\twas\tgoing\ton\tthere?\tsaid\tEric. Connell\tlooked\tat\thim\tsilently.\tA\tbeam\tof\twhite\tlight\twas\tshining\tdown from\t the\t bulb\t above\t the\t door\t and\t illuminating\t Eric\u2019s\t face\t with\t a\t ghostly pallor. What\tdo\tyou\tmean?\tsaid\tConnell. With\therself\tand\tyourself. Connell\t hardly\t recognised\t his\t own\t voice\t when\t he\t said:\t I\t don\u2019t\t know what\tyou\u2019re\ttalking\tabout. Eric\tgrinned\tand\this\tteeth\tglittered\twetly\tin\tthe\tlight. Do\t you\t think\t we\t don\u2019t\t know\t you\t were\t riding\t her?\t he\t said.\t Sure everyone\tknows. Connell\t paused\t and\t took\t another\t drag\t on\t his\t cigarette.\t This\t was probably\tthe\tmost\thorrifying\tthing\tEric\tcould\thave\tsaid\tto\thim,\tnot\tbecause it\t ended\t his\t life,\t but\t because\t it\t didn\u2019t.\t He\t knew\t then\t that\t the\t secret\t for which\t he\t had\t sacrificed\t his\t own\t happiness\t and\t the\t happiness\t of\t another person\t had\t been\t trivial\t all\t along,\t and\t worthless.\t He\t and\t Marianne\t could have\t walked\t down\t the\t school\t corridors\t hand\t in\t hand,\t and\t with\t what consequence?\tNothing\treally.\tNo\tone\tcared. Fair\tenough,\tsaid\tConnell. How\tlong\twas\tthat\tgoing\ton\tfor? I\tdon\u2019t\tknow.\tA\twhile. And\t what\u2019s\t the\t story\t there?\t said\t Eric.\t You\t were\t just\t doing\t it\t for\t the laugh,\tor\twhat?","You\tknow\tme. He\t stubbed\t out\t his\t cigarette\t and\t went\t back\t inside\t to\t collect\t his\t jacket. After\tthat\the\tleft\twithout\tsaying\tgoodbye\tto\tanyone,\tincluding\tRachel,\twho broke\tup\twith\thim\tshortly\tafterwards.\tThat\twas\tit,\tpeople\tmoved\taway,\the moved\t away.\t Their\t life\t in\t Carricklea,\t which\t they\t had\t imbued\t with\t such drama\t and\t significance,\t just\t ended\t like\t that\t with\t no\t conclusion,\t and\t it would\tnever\tbe\tpicked\tback\tup\tagain,\tnever\tin\tthe\tsame\tway. * Yeah,\t well,\t he\t says\t to\t Marianne.\t I\t wasn\u2019t\t that\t compatible\t with\t Rachel,\t I don\u2019t\tthink. Marianne\tsmiles\tnow,\ta\tcoy\tlittle\tsmile.\tHm,\tshe\tsays. What? I\tprobably\tcould\thave\ttold\tyou\tthat. Yeah,\tyou\tshould\thave,\the\tsays.\tYou\tweren\u2019t\treally\treplying\tto\tmy\ttexts at\tthe\ttime. Well,\tI\tfelt\tsomewhat\tabandoned. I\t felt\t a\t bit\t abandoned\t myself,\t didn\u2019t\t I?\t says\t Connell.\t You\t disappeared. And\t I\t never\t had\t anything\t to\t do\t with\t Rachel\t until\t ages\t after\t that,\t by\t the way.\tNot\tthat\tit\tmatters\tnow\tor\tanything,\tbut\tI\tdidn\u2019t. Marianne\tsighs\tand\tmoves\ther\thead\tfrom\tside\tto\tside,\tambivalently. That\twasn\u2019t\treally\twhy\tI\tleft\tschool,\tshe\tsays. Right.\tI\tsuppose\tyou\twere\tbetter\toff\tout\tof\tit. It\twas\tmore\tof\ta\tlast-straw\tthing. Yeah,\the\tsays.\tI\twondered\tif\tthat\twas\twhat\tit\twas. She\t smiles\t again,\t a\t lopsided\t smile\t like\t she\u2019s\t flirting.\t Really?\t she\t says. Maybe\tyou\u2019re\ttelepathic. I\tdid\tused\tto\tthink\tI\tcould\tread\tyour\tmind\tat\ttimes,\tConnell\tsays. In\tbed,\tyou\tmean. He\ttakes\ta\tsip\tfrom\this\tglass\tnow.\tThe\tbeer\tis\tcold\tbut\tthe\tglass\tis\troom temperature.\t Before\t this\t evening\t he\t didn\u2019t\t know\t how\t Marianne\t would\t act if\t he\t ever\t met\t her\t in\t college,\t but\t now\t it\t seems\t inevitable,\t of\t course\t it would\tbe\tlike\tthis.\tOf\tcourse\tshe\twould\ttalk\tdrolly\tabout\ttheir\tsex\tlife,\tlike it\u2019s\ta\tcute\tjoke\tbetween\tthem\tand\tnot\tawkward.\tAnd\tin\ta\tway\the\tlikes\tit,\the likes\tknowing\thow\tto\tact\taround\ther.","Yeah,\tConnell\tsays.\tAnd\tafterwards.\tBut\tmaybe\tthat\u2019s\tnormal. It\u2019s\tnot. They\tboth\tsmile,\ta\thalf-repressed\tsmile\tof\tamusement.\tConnell\tputs\tthe empty\t bottle\t on\t the\t countertop\t and\t looks\t at\t Marianne.\t She\t smooths\t down her\tdress. You\tlook\treally\twell,\the\tsays. I\tknow.\tIt\u2019s\tclassic\tme,\tI\tcame\tto\tcollege\tand\tgot\tpretty. He\tstarts\tlaughing.\tHe\tdoesn\u2019t\teven\twant\tto\tlaugh\tbut\tsomething\tabout the\t weird\t dynamic\t between\t them\t is\t making\t him\t do\t it.\t \u2018Classic\t me\u2019\t is\t a very\t Marianne\t thing\t to\t say,\t a\t little\t self-mocking,\t and\t at\t the\t same\t time gesturing\t to\t some\t mutual\t understanding\t between\t them,\t an\t understanding that\t she\t is\t special.\t Her\t dress\t is\t cut\t low\t at\t the\t front,\t showing\t her\t pale collarbones\tlike\ttwo\twhite\thyphens. You\t were\t always\t pretty,\t he\t says.\t I\t should\t know,\t I\u2019m\t a\t shallow\t guy. You\u2019re\tvery\tpretty,\tyou\u2019re\tbeautiful. She\u2019s\tnot\tlaughing\tnow.\tShe\tmakes\ta\tkind\tof\tfunny\texpression\twith\ther face\tand\tpushes\ther\thair\tback\toff\ther\tforehead. Oh\twell,\tshe\tsays.\tI\thaven\u2019t\theard\tthat\tone\tin\ta\twhile. Does\t Gareth\t not\t tell\t you\t you\u2019re\t beautiful?\t Or\t he\u2019s\t too\t busy\t with\t like, amateur\tdrama\tor\tsomething. Debating.\tAnd\tyou\u2019re\tbeing\tvery\tcruel. Debating?\t says\t Connell.\t Jesus,\t don\u2019t\t tell\t me\t he\u2019s\t involved\t in\t this\t Nazi thing,\tis\the? Marianne\u2019s\t lips\t become\t a\t thin\t line.\t Connell\t doesn\u2019t\t read\t the\t campus papers\t much,\t but\t he\t has\t still\t managed\t to\t hear\t about\t the\t debating\t society inviting\t a\t neo-Nazi\t to\t give\t a\t speech.\t It\u2019s\t all\t over\t social\t media.\t There\t was even\tan\tarticle\tin\tThe\tIrish\tTimes.\tConnell\thasn\u2019t\tcommented\ton\tany\tof\tthe Facebook\tthreads,\tbut\the\thas\tliked\tseveral\tcomments\tcalling\tfor\tthe\tinvite to\tbe\trescinded,\twhich\tis\tprobably\tthe\tmost\tstrident\tpolitical\taction\the\thas ever\ttaken\tin\this\tlife. Well,\twe\tdon\u2019t\tsee\teye\tto\teye\ton\teverything,\tshe\tsays. Connell\t laughs,\t happy\t for\t some\t reason\t to\t find\t her\t being\t so uncharacteristically\tweak\tand\tunscrupulous. I\t thought\t I\t was\t bad\t going\t out\t with\t Rachel\t Moran,\t he\t says.\t Your boyfriend\u2019s\ta\tHolocaust\tdenier.","Oh,\the\u2019s\tjust\tinto\tfree\tspeech. Yeah,\tthat\u2019s\tgood.\tThank\tgod\tfor\twhite\tmoderates.\tAs\tI\tbelieve\tDr\tKing once\twrote. She\t laughs\t then,\t sincerely.\t Her\t little\t teeth\t flash\t again\t and\t she\t lifts\t a hand\tto\tcover\ther\tmouth.\tHe\tswallows\tsome\tmore\tof\tthe\tdrink\tand\ttakes\tin her\t sweet\t expression,\t which\t he\t has\t missed,\t and\t it\t feels\t like\t a\t nice\t scene between\t them,\t although\t later\t on\t he\u2019ll\t probably\t hate\t everything\t he\t said\t to her.\t Okay,\t she\t says,\t we\u2019ve\t both\t failed\t on\t ideological\t purity.\t Connell considers\t saying:\t I\t hope\t he\u2019s\t really\t good\t in\t bed,\t Marianne.\t She\t would definitely\tfind\tit\tfunny.\tFor\tsome\treason,\tprobably\tshyness,\the\tdoesn\u2019t\tsay it.\t She\t looks\t at\t him\t with\t narrowed\t eyes\t and\t says:\t Are\t you\t seeing\t anyone problematic\tat\tthe\tmoment? No,\the\tsays.\tNot\teven\tanyone\tgood. Marianne\t gives\t a\t curious\t smile.\t Finding\t it\t hard\t to\t meet\t people?\t she says. He\t shrugs\t and\t then,\t vaguely,\t nods\t his\t head.\t Bit\t different\t from\t home, isn\u2019t\tit?\the\tsays. I\thave\tsome\tgirlfriends\tI\tcould\tintroduce\tyou\tto. Oh\tyeah? Yeah,\tI\thave\tthose\tnow,\tshe\tsays. Not\tsure\tI\u2019d\tbe\ttheir\ttype. They\t look\t at\t one\t another.\t She\u2019s\t a\t little\t flushed,\t and\t her\t lipstick\t is smudged\tjust\tslightly\ton\ther\tlower\tlip.\tHer\tgaze\tunsettles\thim\tlike\tit\tused to,\t like\t looking\t into\t a\t mirror,\t seeing\t something\t that\t has\t no\t secrets\t from you. What\tdoes\tthat\tmean?\tshe\tsays. I\tdon\u2019t\tknow. What\u2019s\tnot\tto\tlike\tabout\tyou? He\t smiles\t and\t looks\t into\t his\t glass.\t If\t Niall\t could\t see\t Marianne,\t he would\t say:\t Don\u2019t\t tell\t me.\t You\t like\t her.\t It\u2019s\t true\t she\t is\t Connell\u2019s\t type, maybe\t even\t the\t originary\t model\t of\t the\t type:\t elegant,\t bored-looking,\t with an\t impression\t of\t perfect\t self-assurance.\t And\t he\u2019s\t attracted\t to\t her,\t he\t can admit\t that.\t After\t these\t months\t away\t from\t home,\t life\t seems\t much\t larger, and\t his\t personal\t dramas\t less\t significant.\t He\u2019s\t not\t the\t same\t anxious, repressed\tperson\the\twas\tin\tschool,\twhen\this\tattraction\tto\ther\tfelt\tterrifying, like\t an\t oncoming\t train,\t and\t he\t threw\t her\t under\t it.\t He\t knows\t she\u2019s\t acting","funny\t and\t coy\t because\t she\t wants\t to\t show\t him\t that\t she\u2019s\t not\t bitter.\t He could\t say:\t I\u2019m\t really\t sorry\t for\t what\t I\t did\t to\t you,\t Marianne.\t He\t always thought,\t if\t he\t did\t see\t her\t again,\t that\u2019s\t what\t he\t would\t say.\t Somehow\t she doesn\u2019t\t seem\t to\t admit\t that\t possibility,\t or\t maybe\t he\u2019s\t being\t cowardly,\t or both. I\tdon\u2019t\tknow,\the\tsays.\tGood\tquestion,\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow.","Three\tMonths\tLater (FEBRUARY\t2012) Marianne\t gets\t in\t the\t front\t seat\t of\t Connell\u2019s\t car\t and\t closes\t the\t door.\t Her hair\tis\tunwashed\tand\tshe\tpulls\ther\tfeet\tup\tonto\tthe\tseat\tto\ttie\ther\tshoelaces. She\tsmells\tlike\tfruit\tliqueur,\tnot\tin\ta\tbad\tway\tbut\tnot\tin\ta\tfully\tgood\tway either.\tConnell\tgets\tin\tand\tstarts\tthe\tengine.\tShe\tglances\tat\thim. Is\tyour\tseatbelt\ton?\the\tsays. He\u2019s\tlooking\tin\tthe\trear-view\tmirror\tlike\tit\u2019s\ta\tnormal\tday.\tActually\tit\u2019s the\tmorning\tafter\ta\thouse\tparty\tin\tSwords\tand\tConnell\twasn\u2019t\tdrinking\tand Marianne\twas,\tso\tnothing\tis\tnormal.\tShe\tputs\ther\tseatbelt\ton\tobediently,\tto show\tthat\tthey\u2019re\tstill\tfriends. Sorry\tabout\tlast\tnight,\tshe\tsays. She\t tries\t to\t pronounce\t this\t in\t a\t way\t that\t communicates\t several\t things: apology,\t painful\t embarrassment,\t some\t additional\t feigned\t embarrassment that\tserves\tto\tironise\tand\tdilute\tthe\tpainful\tkind,\ta\tsense\tthat\tshe\tknows\tshe will\tbe\tforgiven\tor\tis\talready,\ta\tdesire\tnot\tto\t\u2018make\ta\tbig\tdeal\u2019. Forget\tabout\tit,\the\tsays. Well,\tI\u2019m\tsorry. It\u2019s\talright. Connell\tis\tpulling\tout\tof\tthe\tdriveway\tnow.\tHe\thas\tseemingly\tdismissed the\tincident,\tbut\tfor\tsome\treason\tthis\tdoesn\u2019t\tsatisfy\ther.\tShe\twants\thim\tto acknowledge\twhat\thappened\tbefore\the\tlets\ther\tmove\ton,\tor\tmaybe\tshe\tjust wants\tto\tmake\therself\tsuffer\tunduly. It\twasn\u2019t\tappropriate,\tshe\tsays. Look,\tyou\twere\tpretty\tdrunk. That\u2019s\tnot\tan\texcuse. And\thigh\tout\tof\tyour\tmind,\the\tsays,\twhich\tI\tonly\tfound\tout\tlater. Yeah.\tI\tfelt\tlike\tan\tattacker. Now\t he\t laughs.\t She\t pulls\t her\t knees\t against\t her\t chest\t and\t holds\t her elbows\tin\ther\thands. You\tdidn\u2019t\tattack\tme,\the\tsays.\tThese\tthings\thappen. *","This\t is\t the\t thing\t that\t happened.\t Connell\t drove\t Marianne\t to\t a\t mutual friend\u2019s\t house\t for\t a\t birthday\t party.\t They\t had\t arranged\t to\t stay\t the\t night there\tand\tConnell\twould\tdrive\ther\tback\tthe\tnext\tmorning.\tOn\tthe\tway\tthey listened\tto\tVampire\tWeekend\tand\tMarianne\tdrank\tfrom\ta\tsilver\tflask\tof\tgin and\ttalked\tabout\tthe\tReagan\tadministration.\tYou\u2019re\tgetting\tdrunk,\tConnell told\t her\t in\t the\t car.\t You\t know,\t you\t have\t a\t very\t nice\t face,\t she\t said.\t Other people\thave\tactually\tsaid\tthat\tto\tme,\tabout\tyour\tface. By\t midnight\t Connell\t had\t wandered\t off\t somewhere\t at\t the\t party\t and Marianne\t had\t found\t her\t friends\t Peggy\t and\t Joanna\t in\t the\t shed.\t They\t were drinking\ta\tbottle\tof\tCointreau\ttogether\tand\tsmoking.\tPeggy\twas\twearing\ta beaten-up\t leather\t jacket\t and\t striped\t linen\t trousers.\t Her\t hair\t was\t loose around\t her\t shoulders,\t and\t she\t was\t constantly\t throwing\t it\t to\t one\t side\t and raking\ta\thand\tthrough\tit.\tJoanna\twas\tsitting\ton\ttop\tof\tthe\tfreezer\tunit\tin\ther socks.\t She\t was\t wearing\t a\t long\t shapeless\t garment\t like\t a\t maternity\t dress, with\ta\tshirt\tunderneath.\tMarianne\tleaned\tagainst\tthe\twashing\tmachine\tand retrieved\ther\tgin\tflask\tfrom\ther\tpocket.\tPeggy\tand\tJoanna\thad\tbeen\ttalking about\tmen\u2019s\tfashion,\tand\tin\tparticular\tthe\tfashion\tsense\tof\ttheir\town\tmale friends.\t Marianne\t was\t content\t just\t to\t stand\t there,\t allowing\t the\t washing machine\t to\t support\t most\t of\t her\t body\t weight,\t swishing\t gin\t around\t the inside\tof\ther\tmouth,\tand\tlistening\tto\ther\tfriends\tspeaking. Both\t Peggy\t and\t Joanna\t are\t studying\t History\t and\t Politics\t with Marianne.\t Joanna\t is\t already\t planning\t her\t final-year\t thesis\t on\t James Connolly\t and\t the\t Irish\t Trades\t Union\t Congress.\t She\u2019s\t always recommending\t books\t and\t articles,\t which\t Marianne\t reads\t or\t half-reads\t or reads\t summaries\t of.\t People\t see\t Joanna\t as\t a\t serious\t person,\t which\t she\t is, but\tshe\tcan\talso\tbe\tvery\tfunny.\tPeggy\tdoesn\u2019t\treally\t\u2018get\u2019\tJoanna\u2019s\thumour, because\t Peggy\u2019s\t form\t of\t charisma\t is\t more\t terrifying\t and\t sexy\t than\t it\t is comic.\t At\t a\t party\t before\t Christmas,\t Peggy\t cut\t Marianne\t a\t line\t of\t cocaine in\ttheir\tfriend\tDeclan\u2019s\tbathroom,\tand\tMarianne\tactually\ttook\tit,\tor\tmost\tof it\t anyway.\t It\t had\t no\t appreciable\t effect\t on\t her\t mood,\t except\t that\t for\t days afterwards\t she\t felt\t alternately\t amused\t at\t the\t idea\t that\t she\t had\t done\t it\t and guilty.\t She\t hasn\u2019t\t told\t Joanna\t about\t that.\t She\t knows\t Joanna\t would disapprove,\t because\t Marianne\t herself\t also\t disapproves,\t but\t when\t Joanna disapproves\tof\tthings\tshe\tdoesn\u2019t\tgo\tahead\tand\tdo\tthem\tanyway. Joanna\twants\tto\twork\tin\tjournalism,\twhile\tPeggy\tdoesn\u2019t\tseem\tto\twant to\twork\tat\tall.\tSo\tfar\tthis\thasn\u2019t\tbeen\tan\tissue\tfor\ther,\tbecause\tshe\tmeets\ta lot\t of\t men\t who\t like\t to\t fund\t her\t lifestyle\t by\t buying\t her\t handbags\t and expensive\t drugs.\t She\t favours\t slightly\t older\t men\t who\t work\t for\t investment banks\t or\t accounting\t agencies,\t twenty-seven-year-olds\t with\t lots\t of\t money and\t sensible\t lawyer\t girlfriends\t at\t home.\t Joanna\t once\t asked\t Peggy\t if\t she","ever\t thought\t she\t herself\t might\t one\t day\t be\t a\t twenty-seven-year-old\t whose boyfriend\t would\t stay\t out\t all\t night\t taking\t cocaine\t with\t a\t teenager.\t Peggy wasn\u2019t\t remotely\t insulted,\t she\t thought\t it\t was\t really\t funny.\t She\t said\t she would\tbe\tmarried\tto\ta\tRussian\toligarch\tby\tthen\tanyway\tand\tshe\tdidn\u2019t\tcare how\t many\t girlfriends\t he\t had.\t It\t makes\t Marianne\t wonder\t what\t she\t herself is\t going\t to\t do\t after\t college.\t Almost\t no\t paths\t seem\t definitively\t closed\t to her,\tnot\teven\tthe\tpath\tof\tmarrying\tan\toligarch.\tWhen\tshe\tgoes\tout\tat\tnight, men\t shout\t the\t most\t outrageously\t vulgar\t things\t at\t her\t on\t the\t street,\t so obviously\t they\u2019re\t not\t ashamed\t to\t desire\t her,\t quite\t the\t contrary.\t And\t in college\t she\t often\t feels\t there\u2019s\t no\t limit\t to\t what\t her\t brain\t can\t do,\t it\t can synthesise\t everything\t she\t puts\t into\t it,\t it\u2019s\t like\t having\t a\t powerful\t machine inside\t her\t head.\t Really\t she\t has\t everything\t going\t for\t her.\t She\t has\t no\t idea what\tshe\u2019s\tgoing\tto\tdo\twith\ther\tlife. In\tthe\tshed,\tPeggy\tasked\twhere\tConnell\twas. Upstairs,\tsaid\tMarianne.\tWith\tTeresa,\tI\tguess. Connell\t has\t been\t casually\t seeing\t a\t friend\t of\t theirs\t called\t Teresa. Marianne\t has\t no\t real\t problem\t with\t Teresa,\t but\t finds\t herself\t frequently prompting\t Connell\t to\t say\t bad\t things\t about\t her\t for\t no\t reason,\t which\t he always\trefuses\tto\tdo. He\twears\tnice\tclothes,\tvolunteered\tJoanna. Not\treally,\tsaid\tPeggy.\tI\tmean,\the\thas\ta\tlook,\tbut\tit\u2019s\tjust\ttracksuits\tmost of\tthe\ttime.\tI\tdoubt\the\teven\towns\ta\tsuit. Joanna\t sought\t Marianne\u2019s\t eye\t contact\t again,\t and\t this\t time\t Marianne returned\t it.\t Peggy,\t watching,\t took\t a\t performatively\t large\t mouthful\t of Cointreau\tand\twiped\ther\tlips\twith\tthe\thand\tshe\twas\tusing\tto\thold\tthe\tbottle. What?\tshe\tsaid. Well,\tisn\u2019t\the\tfrom\ta\tfairly\tworking-class\tbackground?\tsaid\tJoanna. That\u2019s\t so\t oversensitive,\t Peggy\t said.\t I\t can\u2019t\t criticise\t someone\u2019s\t dress sense\tbecause\tof\ttheir\tsocio-economic\tstatus?\tCome\ton. No,\tthat\u2019s\tnot\twhat\tshe\tmeant,\tsaid\tMarianne. Because\tyou\tknow,\twe\u2019re\tall\tactually\tvery\tnice\tto\thim,\tsaid\tPeggy. Marianne\t found\t she\t couldn\u2019t\t look\t at\t either\t of\t her\t friends\t then.\t Who\u2019s \u2018we\u2019?\t she\t wanted\t to\t say.\t Instead\t she\t took\t the\t bottle\t of\t Cointreau\t from Peggy\u2019s\t hand\t and\t swallowed\t two\t mouthfuls,\t lukewarm\t and\t repulsively sweet. Some\t time\t around\t two\t o\u2019clock\t in\t the\t morning,\t after\t she\t had\t become extremely\t drunk\t and\t Peggy\t had\t convinced\t her\t to\t share\t a\t joint\t with\t her\t in","the\tbathroom,\tshe\tsaw\tConnell\ton\tthe\tthird-storey\tlanding.\tNo\tone\telse\twas up\tthere.\tHey,\the\tsaid.\tShe\tleaned\tagainst\tthe\twall,\tdrunk\tand\twanting\this attention.\tHe\twas\tat\tthe\ttop\tof\tthe\tstairs. You\u2019ve\tbeen\toff\twith\tTeresa,\tshe\tsaid. Have\tI?\the\tsaid.\tThat\u2019s\tinteresting.\tYou\u2019re\tcompletely\tout\tof\tit,\tare\tyou? You\tsmell\tlike\tperfume. Teresa\u2019s\tnot\there,\tsaid\tConnell.\tAs\tin,\tshe\u2019s\tnot\tat\tthe\tparty. Then\tMarianne\tlaughed.\tShe\tfelt\tstupid,\tbut\tin\ta\tgood\tway.\tCome\there, she\tsaid.\tHe\tcame\tover\tto\tstand\tin\tfront\tof\ther. What?\the\tsaid. Do\tyou\tlike\ther\tbetter\tthan\tme?\tsaid\tMarianne. He\ttucked\ta\tstrand\tof\thair\tbehind\ther\tear. No,\the\tsaid.\tTo\tbe\tfair,\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow\ther\tvery\twell. But\tis\tshe\tbetter\tin\tbed\tthan\tI\tam? You\u2019re\t drunk,\t Marianne.\t If\t you\t were\t sober\t you\t wouldn\u2019t\t even\t want\t to know\tthe\tanswer\tto\tthat\tquestion. So\tit\u2019s\tnot\tthe\tanswer\tI\twant,\tshe\tsaid. She\twas\tengaging\tin\tthis\tdialogue\tin\ta\tbasically\tlinear\tfashion,\twhile\tat the\tsame\ttime\ttrying\tto\tunbutton\tone\tof\tConnell\u2019s\tshirt\tbuttons,\tnot\teven\tin a\t sexy\t way,\t but\t just\t because\t she\t was\t so\t drunk\t and\t high.\t Also\t she\t hadn\u2019t managed\tto\tfully\tundo\tthe\tbutton\tyet. No,\tof\tcourse\tit\u2019s\tthe\tanswer\tyou\twant,\the\tsaid. Then\t she\t kissed\t him.\t He\t didn\u2019t\t recoil\t like\t he\t was\t horrified,\t but\t he\t did pull\taway\tpretty\tfirmly\tand\tsaid:\tNo,\tcome\ton. Let\u2019s\tgo\tupstairs,\tshe\tsaid. Yeah.\tWe\tactually\tare\tupstairs. I\twant\tyou\tto\tfuck\tme. He\t made\t a\t kind\t of\t frowning\t expression,\t which\t if\t she\t had\t been\t sober would\thave\tinduced\ther\tto\tpretend\tshe\thad\tonly\tbeen\tjoking. Not\ttonight,\the\tsaid.\tYou\u2019re\twasted. Is\tthat\tthe\tonly\treason? He\t looked\t down\t at\t her.\t She\t repressed\t a\t comment\t she\t had\t been\t saving","up\t about\t the\t shape\t of\t his\t mouth,\t how\t perfect\t it\t was,\t because\t she\t wanted him\tto\tanswer\tthe\tquestion. Yeah,\the\tsaid.\tThat\u2019s\tit. So\tyou\totherwise\twould\tdo\tit. You\tshould\tgo\tto\tbed. I\u2019ll\tgive\tyou\tdrugs,\tshe\tsaid. You\tdon\u2019t\teven\u2014\tMarianne,\tyou\tdon\u2019t\teven\thave\tdrugs.\tThat\u2019s\tjust\tone level\tof\twhat\u2019s\twrong\twith\twhat\tyou\u2019re\tsaying.\tGo\tto\tbed. Just\tkiss\tme. He\t kissed\t her.\t It\t was\t a\t nice\t kiss,\t but\t friendly.\t Then\t he\t said\t goodnight and\twent\tdownstairs\tlightly,\twith\this\tlight\tsober\tbody\t walking\t in\t straight lines.\tMarianne\twent\tto\tfind\ta\tbathroom,\twhere\tshe\tdrank\tstraight\tfrom\tthe tap\t until\t her\t head\t stopped\t hurting\t and\t afterwards\t fell\t asleep\t on\t the bathroom\t floor.\t That\u2019s\t where\t she\t woke\t up\t twenty\t minutes\t ago\t when Connell\tasked\tone\tof\tthe\tgirls\tto\tfind\ther. * Now\t he\u2019s\t flipping\t through\t the\t radio\t stations\t while\t they\t wait\t at\t a\t set\t of traffic\tlights.\tHe\tfinds\ta\tVan\tMorrison\tsong\tand\tleaves\tit\tplaying. Anyway,\tI\u2019m\tsorry,\tsays\tMarianne\tagain.\tI\twasn\u2019t\ttrying\tto\tmake\tthings weird\twith\tTeresa. She\u2019s\tnot\tmy\tgirlfriend. Okay.\tBut\tit\twas\tdisrespectful\tof\tour\tfriendship. I\tdidn\u2019t\trealise\tyou\twere\teven\tclose\twith\ther,\the\tsays. I\tmeant\tmy\tfriendship\twith\tyou. He\t looks\t around\t at\t her.\t She\t tightens\t her\t arms\t around\t her\t knees\t and tucks\ther\tchin\tinto\ther\tshoulder.\tLately\tshe\tand\tConnell\thave\tbeen\tseeing\ta lot\tof\teach\tother.\tIn\tDublin\tthey\tcan\twalk\tdown\tlong\tstately\tstreets\ttogether for\tthe\tfirst\ttime,\tconfident\tthat\tnobody\tthey\tpass\tknows\tor\tcares\twho\tthey are.\t Marianne\t lives\t alone\t in\t a\t one-bedroom\t apartment\t belonging\t to\t her grandmother,\t and\t in\t the\t evenings\t she\t and\t Connell\t sit\t in\t her\t living\t room drinking\t wine\t together.\t He\t complains\t to\t her,\t seemingly\t without reservation,\t about\t how\t hard\t it\t is\t to\t make\t friends\t in\t Trinity.\t The\t other\t day he\t lay\t on\t her\t couch\t and\t rolled\t the\t dregs\t of\t wine\t around\t in\t his\t glass\t and said:\tPeople\there\tare\tsuch\tsnobs.\tEven\tif\tthey\tliked\tme\tI\thonestly\twouldn\u2019t want\t to\t be\t friends\t with\t them.\t He\t put\t his\t glass\t down\t and\t looked\t at","Marianne.\tThat\u2019s\twhy\tit\u2019s\teasy\tfor\tyou,\tby\tthe\tway,\the\tsaid.\tBecause\tyou\u2019re from\ta\trich\tfamily,\tthat\u2019s\t why\t people\t like\t you.\t She\t frowned\t and\t nodded, and\t then\t Connell\t started\t laughing.\t I\u2019m\t messing\t with\t you,\t he\t said.\t Their eyes\tmet.\tShe\twanted\tto\tlaugh,\tbut\tshe\tdidn\u2019t\tknow\tif\tthe\tjoke\twas\ton\ther. He\t always\t comes\t to\t her\t parties,\t though\t he\t says\t he\t doesn\u2019t\t really understand\ther\tfriendship\tgroup.\tHer\tfemale\tfriends\tlike\thim\ta\tlot,\tand\tfor some\t reason\t feel\t very\t comfortable\t sitting\t on\t his\t lap\t during\t conversations and\ttousling\this\thair\tfondly.\tThe\tmen\thave\tnot\twarmed\tto\thim\tin\tthe\tsame way.\t He\t is\t tolerated\t through\t his\t association\t with\t Marianne,\t but\t he\u2019s\t not considered\t in\t his\t own\t right\t particularly\t interesting.\t He\u2019s\t not\t even\t smart! one\t of\t her\t male\t friends\t exclaimed\t the\t other\t night\t when\t Connell\t wasn\u2019t there.\t He\u2019s\t smarter\t than\t I\t am,\t said\t Marianne.\t No\t one\t knew\t what\t to\t say then.\tIt\u2019s\ttrue\tthat\tConnell\tis\tquiet\tat\tparties,\tstubbornly\tquiet\teven,\tand\tnot interested\tin\tshowing\toff\thow\tmany\tbooks\the\thas\tread\tor\thow\tmany\twars he\t knows\t about.\t But\t Marianne\t is\t aware,\t deep\t down,\t that\t that\u2019s\t not\t why people\tthink\the\u2019s\tstupid. How\twas\tit\tdisrespectful\tto\tour\tfriendship?\the\tsays. I\t think\t it\t would\t be\t difficult\t to\t stay\t friends\t if\t we\t started\t sleeping together. He\t makes\t a\t devilish\t grinning\t expression.\t Confused,\t she\t hides\t her\t face in\ther\tarm. Would\tit?\the\tsays. I\tdon\u2019t\tknow. Well,\talright. * One\t night\t in\t the\t basement\t of\t Bruxelles,\t two\t of\t Marianne\u2019s\t friends\t were playing\t a\t clumsy\t game\t of\t pool\t while\t the\t others\t sat\t around\t drinking\t and watching.\t After\t Jamie\t won\t he\t said:\t Who\t wants\t to\t play\t the\t winner?\t And Connell\tput\this\tpint\tdown\tquietly\tand\tsaid:\tAlright,\tyeah.\tJamie\tbroke\tbut didn\u2019t\t pot\t anything.\t Without\t engaging\t in\t any\t conversation\t at\t all,\t Connell then\tpotted\tfour\tof\tthe\tyellow\tballs\tin\ta\trow.\tMarianne\tstarted\tlaughing,\tbut Connell\twas\texpressionless,\tjust\tfocused-looking.\tIn\tthe\tshort\ttime\tafter\this turn\t he\t drank\t silently\t and\t watched\t Jamie\t send\t a\t red\t ball\t spinning\t off\t the cushion.\t Then\t Connell\t chalked\t his\t cue\t briskly\t and\t resumed\t pocketing\t the final\t three\t yellows.\t There\t was\t something\t so\t satisfying\t about\t the\t way\t he studied\t the\t table\t and\t lined\t the\t shots\t up,\t and\t the\t quiet\t kiss\t of\t the\t chalk against\tthe\tsmooth\tsurface\tof\tthe\tcue\tball.\tThe\tgirls\tall\tsat\taround\twatching him\t take\t shots,\t watching\t him\t lean\t over\t the\t table\t with\t his\t hard,\t silent\t face","lit\tby\tthe\toverhead\tlamp.\tIt\u2019s\tlike\ta\tDiet\tCoke\tad,\tsaid\tMarianne.\tEveryone laughed\t then,\t even\t Connell\t did.\t When\t it\t was\t just\t the\t black\t ball\t left\t he pointed\t at\t the\t top\t right-hand\t pocket\t and,\t gratifyingly,\t said:\t Alright, Marianne,\tare\tyou\twatching?\tThen\the\tpotted\tit.\tEveryone\tapplauded. Instead\t of\t walking\t home\t that\t night,\t Connell\t came\t back\t to\t stay\t at\t hers. They\t lay\t in\t her\t bed\t looking\t up\t at\t the\t ceiling\t and\t talking.\t Until\t then\t they had\t always\t avoided\t discussing\t what\t had\t happened\t between\t them\t the\t year before,\tbut\tthat\tnight\tConnell\tsaid:\tDo\tyour\tfriends\tknow\tabout\tus? Marianne\tpaused.\tWhat\tabout\tus?\tshe\tsaid\teventually. What\thappened\tin\tschool\tand\tall\tthat. No,\tI\tdon\u2019t\tthink\tso.\tMaybe\tthey\u2019ve\tpicked\tup\ton\tsomething\tbut\tI\tnever told\tthem. For\ta\tfew\tseconds\tConnell\tsaid\tnothing.\tShe\twas\tattuned\tto\this\tsilence in\tthe\tdarkness. Would\tyou\tbe\tembarrassed\tif\tthey\tfound\tout?\the\tsaid. In\tsome\tways,\tyeah. He\tturned\tover\tthen,\tso\the\twasn\u2019t\tlooking\tup\tat\tthe\tceiling\tanymore\tbut facing\ther.\tWhy?\the\tsaid. Because\tit\twas\thumiliating. You\tmean\tlike,\tthe\tway\tI\ttreated\tyou. Well,\tyeah,\tshe\tsaid.\tAnd\tjust\tthe\tfact\tthat\tI\tput\tup\twith\tit. Carefully\the\tfelt\tfor\ther\thand\tunder\tthe\tquilt\tand\tshe\tlet\thim\thold\tit.\tA shiver\t ran\t along\t her\t jaw\t and\t she\t tried\t to\t make\t her\t voice\t sound\t light\t and humorous. Did\t you\t ever\t think\t about\t asking\t me\t to\t the\t Debs?\t she\t said.\t It\u2019s\t such\t a stupid\tthing\tbut\tI\u2019m\tcurious\twhether\tyou\tthought\tabout\tit. To\tbe\thonest,\tno.\tI\twish\tI\tdid. She\tnodded.\tShe\tcontinued\tlooking\tup\tat\tthe\tblack\tceiling,\tswallowing, worried\tthat\the\tcould\tmake\tout\ther\texpression. Would\tyou\thave\tsaid\tyes?\the\tasked. She\tnodded\tagain.\tShe\ttried\tto\troll\ther\teyes\tat\therself\tbut\tit\tfelt\tugly\tand self-pitying\trather\tthan\tfunny. I\u2019m\t really\t sorry,\t he\t said.\t I\t did\t the\t wrong\t thing\t there.\t And\t you\t know, apparently\tpeople\tin\tschool\tkind\tof\tknew\tabout\tus\tanyway.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow\tif","you\theard\tthat. She\tsat\tup\ton\ther\telbow\tand\tstared\tdown\tat\thim\tin\tthe\tdarkness. Knew\twhat?\tshe\tsaid. That\twe\twere\tseeing\teach\tother\tand\tall\tthat. I\tdidn\u2019t\ttell\tanyone,\tConnell,\tI\tswear\tto\tgod. She\tcould\tsee\thim\twince\teven\tin\tthe\tdark. No,\t I\t know,\t he\t said.\t My\t point\t is\t more\t that\t it\t wouldn\u2019t\t have\t mattered even\tif\tyou\tdid\ttell\tpeople.\tBut\tI\tknow\tyou\tdidn\u2019t. Were\tthey\thorrible\tabout\tit? No,\t no.\t Eric\t just\t mentioned\t it\t at\t the\t Debs,\t that\t people\t knew.\t No\t one cared,\treally. There\twas\tanother\tshort\tsilence\tbetween\tthem. I\tfeel\tguilty\tfor\tall\tthe\tstuff\tI\tsaid\tto\tyou,\tConnell\tadded.\tAbout\thow\tbad it\twould\tbe\tif\tanyone\tfound\tout.\tObviously\tthat\twas\tmore\tin\tmy\thead\tthan anything.\tI\tmean,\tthere\twas\tno\treason\twhy\tpeople\twould\tcare.\tBut\tI\tkind\tof suffer\t from\t anxiety\t with\t these\t things.\t Not\t that\t I\u2019m\t making\t excuses,\t but\t I think\tI\tprojected\tsome\tanxiety\tonto\tyou,\tif\tthat\tmakes\tsense.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow. I\u2019m\tstill\tthinking\tabout\tit\ta\tlot,\twhy\tI\tacted\tin\tsuch\ta\tfucked-up\tway. She\t squeezed\t his\t hand\t and\t he\t squeezed\t back,\t so\t tightly\t it\t almost\t hurt her,\tand\tthis\tsmall\tgesture\tof\tdesperation\ton\this\tpart\tmade\ther\tsmile. I\tforgive\tyou,\tshe\tsaid. Thank\t you.\t I\t think\t I\t did\t learn\t from\t it.\t And\t hopefully\t I\t have\t changed, you\tknow,\tas\ta\tperson.\tBut\thonestly,\tif\tI\thave,\tit\u2019s\tbecause\tof\tyou. They\t kept\t holding\t hands\t underneath\t the\t quilt,\t even\t after\t they\t went\t to sleep. * When\t they\t get\t to\t her\t apartment\t now\t she\t asks\t if\t he\t wants\t to\t come\t in.\t He says\t he\t needs\t to\t eat\t something\t and\t she\t says\t there\t are\t breakfast\t things\t in the\t fridge.\t They\t go\t upstairs\t together.\t Connell\t starts\t looking\t in\t the\t fridge while\t she\t goes\t to\t take\t a\t shower.\t She\t strips\t all\t her\t clothes\t off,\t turns\t the water\tpressure\tup\tas\thigh\tas\tit\tgoes\tand\tshowers\tfor\tnearly\ttwenty\tminutes. Then\t she\t feels\t better.\t When\t she\t comes\t out,\t wrapped\t in\t a\t white\t bathrobe, her\thair\ttowelled\tdry,\tConnell\thas\teaten\talready.\tHis\tplate\tis\tclean\tand\the\u2019s checking\t his\t email.\t The\t room\t smells\t like\t coffee\t and\t frying.\t She\t goes towards\t him\t and\t he\t wipes\t his\t mouth\t with\t the\t back\t of\t his\t hand,\t as\t if\t he\u2019s","nervous\tsuddenly.\tShe\tstands\tat\this\tchair\tand,\tlooking\tup\tat\ther,\the\tundoes the\tsash\tof\ther\tbathrobe.\tIt\u2019s\tbeen\tnearly\ta\tyear.\tHe\ttouches\this\tlips\tto\ther skin\tand\tshe\tfeels\tholy,\tlike\ta\tshrine.\tCome\tto\tbed,\tthen,\tshe\tsays.\tHe\tgoes with\ther. Afterwards\t she\t switches\t on\t the\t hairdryer\t and\t he\t gets\t in\t the\t shower. Then\tshe\tlies\tdown\tagain,\tlistening\tto\tthe\tsound\tof\tthe\tpipes.\tShe\u2019s\tsmiling. When\tConnell\tcomes\tout\the\tlies\tbeside\ther,\tthey\tface\tone\tanother,\tand\the touches\t her.\t Hm,\t she\t says.\t They\t have\t sex\t again,\t not\t speaking\t very\t much. After\t that\t she\t feels\t peaceful\t and\t wants\t to\t sleep.\t He\t kisses\t her\t closed eyelids.\tIt\u2019s\tnot\tlike\tthis\twith\tother\tpeople,\tshe\tsays.\tYeah,\the\tsays.\tI\tknow. She\t senses\t there\t are\t things\t he\t isn\u2019t\t saying\t to\t her.\t She\t can\u2019t\t tell\t whether he\u2019s\t holding\t back\t a\t desire\t to\t pull\t away\t from\t her,\t or\t a\t desire\t to\t make himself\tmore\tvulnerable\tsomehow.\tHe\tkisses\ther\tneck.\tHer\teyes\tare\tgetting heavy.\tI\tthink\twe\u2019ll\tbe\tfine,\the\tsays.\tShe\tdoesn\u2019t\tknow\tor\tcan\u2019t\tremember what\the\u2019s\ttalking\tabout.\tShe\tfalls\tasleep.","Two\tMonths\tLater (APRIL\t2012) He\u2019s\t just\t come\t back\t from\t the\t library.\t Marianne\t has\t had\t friends\t over\t but they\u2019re\theading\toff\twhen\the\tarrives,\ttaking\ttheir\tjackets\tfrom\tthe\thooks\tin the\thallway.\tPeggy\tis\tthe\tonly\tone\tstill\tsitting\tat\tthe\ttable,\tdraining\ta\tbottle of\t ros\u00e9\t into\t a\t huge\t glass.\t Marianne\t is\t wiping\t down\t the\t countertop\t with\t a wet\t cloth.\t The\t window\t over\t the\t kitchen\t sink\t shows\t an\t oblong\t of\t sky, denim-blue.\t Connell\t sits\t at\t the\t table\t and\t Marianne\t takes\t a\t beer\t out\t of\t the fridge\t and\t opens\t it\t for\t him.\t She\t asks\t if\t he\u2019s\t hungry\t and\t he\t says\t no.\t It\u2019s warm\t out\t and\t the\t cool\t of\t the\t bottle\t feels\t good.\t Their\t exams\t are\t starting soon,\t and\t he\t usually\t stays\t in\t the\t library\t now\t until\t the\t man\t comes\t around ringing\tthe\tbell\tto\tsay\tit\u2019s\tclosing. Can\tI\tjust\task\tsomething?\tsays\tPeggy. He\t can\t tell\t she\u2019s\t drunk\t and\t that\t Marianne\t would\t like\t her\t to\t leave.\t He would\tlike\ther\tto\tleave\ttoo. Sure,\tsays\tMarianne. You\t guys\t are\t fucking\t each\t other,\t right?\t Peggy\t says.\t Like,\t you\t sleep together. Connell\t says\t nothing.\t He\t runs\t his\t thumb\t over\t the\t label\t on\t the\t beer bottle,\t feeling\t for\t a\t corner\t to\t peel\t off.\t He\t has\t no\t idea\t what\t Marianne\t will come\tup\twith:\tsomething\tfunny,\the\tthinks,\tsomething\tthat\twill\tmake\tPeggy laugh\t and\t forget\t the\t question.\t Instead,\t unexpectedly,\t Marianne\t says:\t Oh, yeah.\tHe\tstarts\tsmiling\tto\thimself.\tThe\tcorner\tof\tthe\tbeer\tlabel\tcomes\taway from\tthe\tglass\tunder\this\tthumb. Peggy\t laughs.\t Okay,\t she\t says.\t Good\t to\t know.\t Everyone\t is\t speculating, by\tthe\tway. Well,\tyeah,\tsays\tMarianne.\tBut\tit\u2019s\tnot\ta\tnew\tthing,\twe\tused\tto\thook\tup in\tschool. Oh\treally?\tPeggy\tsays. Marianne\t is\t pouring\t herself\t a\t glass\t of\t water.\t When\t she\t turns\t around, holding\tthe\tglass,\tshe\tlooks\tat\tConnell. I\thope\tyou\tdon\u2019t\tmind\tme\tsaying\tthat\tnow,\tshe\tsays. He\t shrugs,\t but\t he\u2019s\t smiling\t at\t her,\t and\t she\t smiles\t back.\t They\t don\u2019t advertise\t the\t relationship,\t but\t his\t friends\t know\t about\t it.\t He\t doesn\u2019t\t like","public\tdisplays,\tthat\u2019s\tall.\tMarianne\tasked\thim\tonce\tif\the\twas\t\u2018ashamed\u2019\tof her\tbut\tshe\twas\tjust\tjoking.\tThat\u2019s\tfunny,\the\tsaid.\tNiall\tthinks\tI\tbrag\tabout you\t too\t much.\t She\t loved\t that.\t He\t doesn\u2019t\t really\t brag\t about\t her\t as\t such, though\t as\t it\t happens\t she\t is\t very\t popular\t and\t a\t lot\t of\t other\t men\t want\t to sleep\twith\ther.\tHe\tmight\tbrag\tabout\ther\toccasionally,\tbut\tonly\tin\ta\ttasteful way. You\tactually\tmake\ta\tvery\tcute\tcouple,\tsays\tPeggy. Thanks,\tConnell\tsays. I\tdidn\u2019t\tsay\tcouple,\tsays\tMarianne. Oh,\t says\t Peggy.\t You\t mean\t like,\t you\u2019re\t not\t exclusive?\t That\u2019s\t cool.\t I wanted\t to\t try\t an\t open-relationship\t thing\t with\t Lorcan\t but\t he\t was\t really against\tit. Marianne\t drags\t a\t chair\t back\t from\t the\t table\t and\t sits\t down.\t Men\t can\t be possessive,\tshe\tsays. I\tknow!\tsays\tPeggy.\tIt\u2019s\tcrazy.\tYou\u2019d\tthink\tthey\twould\tjump\tat\tthe\tidea of\tmultiple\tpartners. Generally\t I\t find\t men\t are\t a\t lot\t more\t concerned\t with\t limiting\t the freedoms\tof\twomen\tthan\texercising\tpersonal\tfreedom\tfor\tthemselves,\tsays Marianne. Is\tthat\ttrue?\tPeggy\tsays\tto\tConnell. He\t looks\t at\t Marianne\t with\t a\t little\t nod,\t preferring\t her\t to\t continue.\t He has\t come\t to\t know\t Peggy\t as\t the\t loud\t friend\t who\t interrupts\t all\t the\t time. Marianne\thas\tother,\tpreferable\tfriends,\tbut\tthey\tnever\tstay\tas\tlate\tor\ttalk\tas much. I\t mean,\t when\t you\t look\t at\t the\t lives\t men\t are\t really\t living,\t it\u2019s\t sad, Marianne\t says.\t They\t control\t the\t whole\t social\t system\t and\t this\t is\t the\t best they\tcan\tcome\tup\twith\tfor\tthemselves?\tThey\u2019re\tnot\teven\thaving\tfun. Peggy\tlaughs.\tAre\tyou\thaving\tfun,\tConnell?\tshe\tsays. Hm,\t he\t says.\t A\t reasonable\t amount,\t I\t would\t say.\t But\t I\t agree\t with\t the point. Would\tyou\trather\tlive\tunder\ta\tmatriarchy?\tsays\tPeggy. Difficult\tto\tknow.\tI\u2019d\tgive\tit\ta\tgo\tanyway,\tsee\twhat\tit\twas\tlike. Peggy\t keeps\t laughing,\t as\t if\t Connell\t is\t being\t unbelievably\t witty.\t Don\u2019t you\tenjoy\tyour\tmale\tprivilege?\tshe\tsays. It\u2019s\tlike\tMarianne\twas\tsaying,\the\treplies.\tIt\u2019s\tnot\tthat\tenjoyable\tto\thave.","I\tmean,\tit\tis\twhat\tit\tis,\tI\tdon\u2019t\tget\tmuch\tfun\tout\tof\tit. Peggy\t gives\t a\t toothy\t grin.\t If\t I\t were\t a\t man,\t she\t says,\t I\t would\t have\t as many\tas\tthree\tgirlfriends.\tIf\tnot\tmore. The\tlast\tcorner\tof\tthe\tlabel\tpeels\toff\tConnell\u2019s\tbeer\tbottle\tnow.\tIt\tcomes off\t more\t easily\t when\t the\t bottle\t is\t very\t cold,\t because\t the\t condensation dissolves\tthe\tglue.\tHe\tputs\tthe\tbeer\ton\tthe\ttable\tand\tstarts\tto\tfold\tthe\tlabel up\tinto\ta\tsmall\tsquare.\tPeggy\tgoes\ton\ttalking\tbut\tit\tdoesn\u2019t\tseem\timportant to\tlisten\tto\ther. Things\tare\tpretty\tgood\tbetween\thim\tand\tMarianne\tat\tthe\tmoment.\tAfter the\t library\t closes\t in\t the\t evening\t he\t walks\t back\t to\t her\t apartment,\t maybe picking\t up\t some\t food\t or\t a\t four-euro\t bottle\t of\t wine\t on\t the\t way.\t When\t the weather\t is\t good,\t the\t sky\t feels\t miles\t away,\t and\t birds\t wheel\t through limitless\t air\t and\t light\t overhead.\t When\t it\t rains,\t the\t city\t closes\t in,\t gathers around\t with\t mists;\t cars\t move\t slower,\t their\t headlights\t glowing\t darkly,\t and the\tfaces\tthat\tpass\tare\tpink\twith\tcold.\tMarianne\tcooks\tdinner,\tspaghetti\tor risotto,\tand\tthen\the\twashes\tup\tand\ttidies\tthe\tkitchen.\tHe\twipes\tcrumbs\tout from\tunder\tthe\ttoaster\tand\tshe\treads\thim\tjokes\tfrom\tTwitter.\tAfter\tthat\tthey go\tto\tbed.\tHe\tlikes\tto\tget\tvery\tdeep\tinside\ther,\tslowly,\tuntil\ther\tbreathing\tis loud\tand\thard\tand\tshe\tclutches\tat\tthe\tpillowcase\twith\tone\thand.\tHer\tbody feels\tso\tsmall\tthen\tand\tso\topen.\tLike\tthis?\the\tsays.\tAnd\tshe\u2019s\tnodding\ther head\t and\t maybe\t punching\t her\t hand\t on\t the\t pillow,\t making\t little\t gasps whenever\the\tmoves. The\t conversations\t that\t follow\t are\t gratifying\t for\t Connell,\t often\t taking unexpected\t turns\t and\t prompting\t him\t to\t express\t ideas\t he\t had\t never consciously\tformulated\tbefore.\tThey\ttalk\tabout\tthe\tnovels\the\u2019s\treading,\tthe research\t she\t studies,\t the\t precise\t historical\t moment\t that\t they\t are\t currently living\tin,\tthe\tdifficulty\tof\tobserving\tsuch\ta\tmoment\tin\tprocess.\tAt\ttimes\the has\tthe\tsensation\tthat\the\tand\tMarianne\tare\tlike\tfigure-skaters,\timprovising their\t discussions\t so\t adeptly\t and\t in\t such\t perfect\t synchronisation\t that\t it surprises\t them\t both.\t She\t tosses\t herself\t gracefully\t into\t the\t air,\t and\t each time,\t without\t knowing\t how\t he\u2019s\t going\t to\t do\t it,\t he\t catches\t her.\t Knowing that\t they\u2019ll\t probably\t have\t sex\t again\t before\t they\t sleep\t probably\t makes\t the talking\t more\t pleasurable,\t and\t he\t suspects\t that\t the\t intimacy\t of\t their discussions,\t often\t moving\t back\t and\t forth\t from\t the\t conceptual\t to\t the personal,\talso\tmakes\tthe\tsex\tfeel\tbetter.\tLast\tFriday,\twhen\tthey\twere\tlying there\t afterwards,\t she\t said:\t That\t was\t intense,\t wasn\u2019t\t it?\t He\t told\t her\t he always\t found\t it\t pretty\t intense.\t But\t I\t mean\t practically\t romantic,\t said Marianne.\tI\tthink\tI\twas\tstarting\tto\thave\tfeelings\tfor\tyou\tthere\tat\tone\tpoint. He\t smiled\t at\t the\t ceiling.\t You\t just\t have\t to\t repress\t all\t that\t stuff,\t Marianne, he\tsaid.\tThat\u2019s\twhat\tI\tdo.","Marianne\tknows\thow\the\tfeels\tabout\ther\treally.\tJust\tbecause\the\tgets\tshy in\t front\t of\t her\t friends\t doesn\u2019t\t mean\t it\u2019s\t not\t serious\t between\t them\t \u2013\t it\t is. Occasionally\the\tworries\the\thasn\u2019t\tbeen\tsufficiently\tclear\ton\tthis\tpoint,\tand after\t letting\t this\t worry\t build\t up\t for\t a\t day\t or\t so,\t wondering\t how\t he\t can approach\t the\t issue,\t he\u2019ll\t finally\t say\t something\t sheepish\t like:\t You\t know\t I really\t like\t you,\t don\u2019t\t you?\t And\t his\t tone\t will\t sound\t almost\t annoyed\t for some\t reason,\t and\t she\u2019ll\t just\t laugh.\t Marianne\t has\t a\t lot\t of\t other\t romantic options,\t as\t everyone\t knows.\t Politics\t students\t who\t turn\t up\t to\t her\t parties with\t bottles\t of\t Mo\u00ebt\t and\t anecdotes\t about\t their\t summers\t in\t India. Committee\tmembers\tof\tcollege\tclubs,\twho\tare\tdressed\tup\tin\tblack\ttie\tvery frequently,\t and\t who\t inexplicably\t believe\t that\t the\t internal\t workings\t of student\t societies\t are\t interesting\t to\t normal\t people.\t Guys\t who\t make\t a\t habit of\t touching\t Marianne\t casually\t during\t conversation,\t fixing\t her\t hair\t or placing\t a\t hand\t on\t her\t back.\t Once,\t when\t foolishly\t drunk,\t Connell\t asked Marianne\twhy\tthese\tpeople\thad\tto\tbe\tso\ttactile\twith\ther,\tand\tshe\tsaid:\tYou won\u2019t\t touch\t me,\t but\t no\t one\t else\t is\t allowed\t to\t either?\t That\t put\t him\t in\t a terrible\tmood. He\t doesn\u2019t\t go\t home\t at\t the\t weekends\t anymore\t because\t their\t friend Sophie\t got\t him\t a\t new\t job\t in\t her\t dad\u2019s\t restaurant.\t Connell\t just\t sits\t in\t an upstairs\t office\t at\t the\t weekends\t answering\t emails\t and\t writing\t bookings down\t in\t a\t big\t leather\t appointment\t book.\t Sometimes\t minor\t celebrities\t call in,\t like\t people\t from\t RT\u00c9\t and\t that\t kind\t of\t thing,\t but\t most\t weeknights\t the place\t is\t dead.\t It\u2019s\t obvious\t to\t Connell\t that\t the\t business\t is\t haemorrhaging money\tand\twill\thave\tto\tclose\tdown,\tbut\tthe\tjob\twas\tso\teasy\tto\tcome\tby\tthat he\tcan\u2019t\twork\tup\tany\treal\tanxiety\tabout\tthis\tprospect.\tIf\tand\twhen\the\u2019s\tout of\t work,\t one\t of\t Marianne\u2019s\t other\t rich\t friends\t will\t just\t come\t up\t with another\t job\t for\t him\t to\t do.\t Rich\t people\t look\t out\t for\t each\t other,\t and\t being Marianne\u2019s\tbest\tfriend\tand\tsuspected\tsexual\tpartner\thas\televated\tConnell\tto the\tstatus\tof\trich-adjacent:\tsomeone\tfor\twhom\tsurprise\tbirthday\tparties\tare thrown\tand\tcushy\tjobs\tare\tprocured\tout\tof\tnowhere. Before\t term\t ended\t he\t had\t to\t give\t a\t class\t presentation\t on\t the\t Morte Darthur,\t and\t while\t he\t spoke\t his\t hands\t were\t shaking\t and\t he\t couldn\u2019t\t look up\t from\t the\t printouts\t to\t see\t if\t anyone\t was\t actually\t listening\t to\t him.\t His voice\t wavered\t several\t times\t and\t he\t had\t the\t sense\t that\t if\t he\t hadn\u2019t\t been seated,\t he\t would\t have\t fallen\t to\t the\t ground.\t Only\t later\t did\t he\t find\t out\t that this\t presentation\t was\t considered\t very\t impressive.\t One\t of\t his\t classmates actually\tcalled\thim\t\u2018a\tgenius\u2019\tto\this\tface\tafterwards,\tin\ta\tdismissive\ttone\tof voice,\t like\t geniuses\t were\t slightly\t despicable\t people.\t It\t is\t generally\t known in\t their\t year\t group\t that\t Connell\t has\t received\t the\t highest\t grade\t in\t all\t but one\t module,\t and\t he\t finds\t he\t likes\t to\t be\t thought\t of\t as\t intelligent,\t if\t only because\t it\t makes\t his\t interactions\t with\t other\t people\t more\t legible.\t He\t likes","when\tsomeone\tis\tstruggling\tto\tremember\tthe\tname\tof\ta\tbook\tor\tan\tauthor, and\t he\t can\t provide\t it\t for\t them\t readily,\t not\t showing\t off,\t just\t remembering it.\t He\t likes\t when\t Marianne\t tells\t her\t friends\t \u2013\t people\t whose\t fathers\t are judges\t and\t government\t ministers,\t people\t who\t went\t to\t inordinately expensive\t schools\t \u2013\t that\t Connell\t is\t the\t smartest\t person\t they\t will\t \u2018ever meet\u2019. What\tabout\tyou,\tConnell?\tsays\tPeggy. He\thas\tnot\tbeen\tlistening,\tand\tall\the\tcan\tsay\tin\tresponse\tis:\tWhat? Tempted\tby\tthe\tidea\tof\tmultiple\tpartners?\tshe\tsays. He\tlooks\tat\ther.\tShe\thas\tan\tarch\texpression\ton\ther\tface. Uh,\the\tsays.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow.\tWhat\tdo\tyou\tmean? Do\t you\t not\t fantasise\t about\t having\t your\t own\t harem?\t says\t Peggy.\t I thought\tthat\twas\ta\tuniversal\tthing\tfor\tmen. Oh,\tright.\tNo,\tnot\treally. Maybe\tjust\ttwo,\tthen,\tPeggy\tsays. Two\twhat,\ttwo\twomen? Peggy\t looks\t at\t Marianne\t and\t makes\t a\t mischievous\t kind\t of\t giggling noise.\tMarianne\tsips\ther\twater\tcalmly. We\tcan\tif\tyou\twant\tto,\tsays\tPeggy. Wait,\tsorry,\tConnell\tsays.\tWe\tcan\twhat? Well,\twhatever\tyou\tcall\tit,\tshe\tsays.\tA\tthreesome\tor\twhatever. Oh,\t he\t says.\t And\t he\t laughs\t at\t his\t own\t stupidity.\t Right,\t he\t says.\t Right, sorry.\tHe\tfolds\tthe\tlabel\tover\tagain,\tnot\tknowing\twhat\telse\tto\tsay.\tI\tmissed that,\the\tadds.\tHe\tcan\u2019t\tdo\tit.\tHe\u2019s\tnot\tindecisive\ton\tthe\tquestion\tof\twhether he\u2019d\t like\t to\t do\t it\t or\t not,\t he\t actually\t can\u2019t\t do\t it.\t For\t some\t reason,\t and\t he can\u2019t\texplain\tit\tto\thimself,\the\tthinks\tmaybe\the\tcould\tfuck\tPeggy\tin\tfront\tof Marianne,\t although\t it\t would\t be\t awkward,\t and\t not\t necessarily\t enjoyable. But\t he\t could\t not,\t he\u2019s\t immediately\t certain,\t ever\t do\t anything\t to\t Marianne with\t Peggy\t watching,\t or\t any\t of\t her\t friends\t watching,\t or\t anyone\t at\t all.\t He feels\t shameful\t and\t confused\t even\t to\t think\t about\t it.\t It\u2019s\t something\t he doesn\u2019t\t understand\t in\t himself.\t For\t the\t privacy\t between\t himself\t and Marianne\t to\t be\t invaded\t by\t Peggy,\t or\t by\t another\t person,\t would\t destroy something\tinside\thim,\ta\tpart\tof\this\tselfhood,\twhich\tdoesn\u2019t\tseem\tto\thave\ta name\t and\t which\t he\t has\t never\t tried\t to\t identify\t before.\t He\t folds\t the\t damp beer\tlabel\tup\tone\tmore\ttime\tso\tit\u2019s\tvery\tsmall\tand\ttightly\tfolded\tnow.\tHm, he\tsays.","Oh\tno,\tsays\tMarianne.\tI\u2019m\tmuch\ttoo\tself-conscious.\tI\u2019d\tdie. Peggy\tsays:\tReally?\tShe\tsays\tthis\tin\ta\tpleasant,\tinterested\ttone\tof\tvoice, like\t she\u2019s\t just\t as\t happy\t discussing\t Marianne\u2019s\t self-consciousness\t as\t she would\t be\t engaging\t in\t group\t sex.\t Connell\t tries\t not\t to\t display\t any\t outward relief. I\thave\tall\tkinds\tof\thang-ups,\tsays\tMarianne.\tVery\tneurotic. Peggy\tcompliments\tMarianne\u2019s\tappearance\tin\ta\troutine,\teffeminate\tway and\tasks\twhat\ther\thang-ups\tare\tabout. Marianne\tpinches\ther\tlower\tlip\tand\tthen\tsays:\tWell,\tI\tdon\u2019t\tfeel\tlovable. I\t think\t I\t have\t an\t unlovable\t sort\t of\t \u2026\t I\t have\t a\t coldness\t about\t me,\t I\u2019m difficult\t to\t like.\t She\t gestures\t one\t of\t her\t long,\t thin\t hands\t in\t the\t air,\t like she\u2019s\tonly\tapproximating\twhat\tshe\tmeans\trather\tthan\treally\tnailing\tit. I\tdon\u2019t\tbelieve\tthat,\tsays\tPeggy.\tIs\tshe\tcold\twith\tyou? Connell\tcoughs\tand\tsays:\tNo. She\tand\tMarianne\tcontinue\ttalking\tand\the\trolls\tthe\tfolded\tlabel\tbetween his\tfingers,\tfeeling\tanxious. * Marianne\t went\t home\t for\t a\t couple\t of\t days\t this\t week,\t and\t when\t she\t came back\tto\tDublin\tlast\tnight\tshe\tseemed\tquiet.\tThey\twatched\tThe\tUmbrellas\tof Cherbourg\t together\t in\t her\t apartment.\t At\t the\t end\t Marianne\t cried,\t but\t she turned\t her\t face\t away\t so\t it\t looked\t like\t she\t wasn\u2019t\t crying.\t This\t unsettled Connell.\t The\t film\t had\t a\t pretty\t sad\t ending\t but\t he\t didn\u2019t\t really\t see\t what there\t was\t to\t cry\t about.\t Are\t you\t okay?\t he\t said.\t She\t nodded,\t with\t her\t face turned,\tso\the\tcould\tsee\ta\twhite\ttendon\tin\ther\tneck\tpressing\toutwards. Hey,\the\tsaid.\tIs\tsomething\tupsetting\tyou? She\tshook\ther\thead\tbut\tdidn\u2019t\tturn\taround.\tHe\twent\tto\tmake\ther\ta\tcup of\t tea\t and\t by\t the\t time\t he\t brought\t it\t to\t her\t she\t had\t stopped\t crying.\t He touched\t her\t hair\t and\t she\t smiled,\t weakly.\t The\t character\t in\t the\t film\t had become\tpregnant\tunexpectedly,\tand\tConnell\twas\ttrying\tto\tremember\twhen Marianne\thad\tlast\thad\ther\tperiod.\tThe\tlonger\the\tthought\tabout\tit,\tthe\tlonger ago\tit\tseemed\tto\thave\tbeen.\tEventually,\tin\ta\tpanic,\the\tsaid:\tHey,\tyou\u2019re\tnot pregnant\tor\tanything,\tare\tyou?\tMarianne\tlaughed.\tThat\tsettled\this\tnerves. No,\tshe\tsaid.\tI\tgot\tmy\tperiod\tthis\tmorning. Okay.\tWell,\tthat\u2019s\tgood. What\twould\tyou\tdo\tif\tI\twas?","He\tsmiled,\the\tinhaled\tthrough\this\tmouth.\tKind\tof\tdepends\ton\twhat\tyou would\twant\tto\tdo,\the\tsaid. I\t admit\t I\t would\t have\t a\t slight\t temptation\t to\t keep\t it.\t But\t I\t wouldn\u2019t\t do that\tto\tyou,\tdon\u2019t\tworry. Really?\tWhat\twould\tthe\ttemptation\tbe?\tSorry\tif\tthat\u2019s\tinsensitive\tto\tsay. I\tdon\u2019t\tknow,\tshe\tsaid.\tIn\ta\tway\tI\tlike\tthe\tidea\tof\tsomething\tso\tdramatic happening\tto\tme.\tI\twould\tlike\tto\tupset\tpeople\u2019s\texpectations.\tDo\tyou\tthink I\u2019d\tbe\ta\tbad\tmother? No,\tyou\u2019d\tbe\tgreat,\tobviously.\tYou\u2019re\tgreat\tat\teverything\tyou\tdo. She\tsmiled.\tYou\twouldn\u2019t\thave\tto\tbe\tinvolved,\tshe\tsaid. Well,\tI\twould\tsupport\tyou,\twhatever\tyou\tdecided. He\tdidn\u2019t\tknow\twhy\the\twas\tsaying\the\twould\tsupport\ther,\tsince\the\thad virtually\t no\t spare\t income\t and\t no\t prospect\t of\t having\t any.\t It\t felt\t like\t the thing\t to\t say,\t that\t was\t all.\t Really\t he\t had\t never\t considered\t it.\t Marianne seemed\t like\t the\t kind\t of\t straightforward\t person\t who\t would\t arrange\t the whole\t procedure\t herself,\t and\t at\t most\t maybe\t he\t would\t go\t with\t her\t on\t the plane. Imagine\twhat\tthey\u2019d\tsay\tin\tCarricklea,\tshe\tsaid. Oh,\tyeah.\tLorraine\twould\tnever\tforgive\tme. Marianne\tlooked\tup\tquickly\tand\tsaid:\tWhy,\tshe\tdoesn\u2019t\tlike\tme? No,\t she\t loves\t you.\t I\t mean\t she\t wouldn\u2019t\t forgive\t me\t for\t doing\t that\t to you.\t She\t loves\t you,\t don\u2019t\t worry.\t You\t know\t that.\t She\t thinks\t you\u2019re\t much too\tgood\tfor\tme. Marianne\t smiled\t again\t then,\t and\t touched\t his\t face\t with\t her\t hand.\t He liked\tthat,\tso\the\tmoved\ttowards\ther\ta\tlittle\tand\tstroked\tthe\tpale\tunderside of\ther\twrist. What\tabout\tyour\tfamily?\the\tsaid.\tI\tguess\tthey\u2019d\tnever\tforgive\tme\teither. She\tshrugged,\tshe\tdropped\ther\thand\tback\tinto\ther\tlap. Do\tthey\tknow\twe\u2019re\tseeing\teach\tother\tnow?\the\tsaid. She\t shook\t her\t head.\t She\t looked\t away,\t she\t held\t her\t hand\t against\t her cheek. Not\tthat\tyou\thave\tto\ttell\tthem,\the\tsaid.\tMaybe\tthey\u2019d\tdisapprove\tof\tme anyway.\t They\t probably\t want\t you\t going\t out\t with\t a\t doctor\t or\t a\t lawyer\t or something,\tdo\tthey?","I\tdon\u2019t\tthink\tthey\tcare\tvery\tmuch\twhat\tI\tdo. She\t covered\t her\t face\t using\t her\t flattened\t hands\t for\t a\t moment,\t and\t then she\t rubbed\t her\t nose\t briskly\t and\t sniffed.\t Connell\t knew\t she\t had\t a\t strained relationship\t with\t her\t family.\t He\t first\t came\t to\t realise\t this\t when\t they\t were still\t in\t school,\t and\t it\t didn\u2019t\t strike\t him\t as\t unusual,\t because\t Marianne\t had strained\t relationships\t with\t everyone\t then.\t Her\t brother\t Alan\t was\t a\t few years\tolder,\tand\thad\twhat\tLorraine\tcalled\ta\t\u2018weak\tpersonality\u2019.\tHonestly\tit was\t hard\t to\t imagine\t him\t standing\t his\t ground\t in\t a\t conflict\t with\t Marianne. But\t now\t they\u2019re\t both\t grown\t up\t and\t still\t she\t almost\t never\t goes\t home,\t or she\t goes\t and\t then\t comes\t back\t like\t this,\t distracted\t and\t sullen,\t saying\t she had\ta\tfight\twith\ther\tfamily\tagain,\tand\tnot\twanting\tto\ttalk\tabout\tit. You\thad\tanother\tfalling-out\twith\tthem,\tdid\tyou?\tConnell\tsaid. She\tnodded.\tThey\tdon\u2019t\tlike\tme\tvery\tmuch,\tshe\tsaid. I\t know\t it\t probably\t feels\t like\t they\t don\u2019t,\t he\t said.\t But\t at\t the\t end\t of\t the day\tthey\u2019re\tyour\tfamily,\tthey\tlove\tyou. Marianne\t said\t nothing.\t She\t didn\u2019t\t nod\t or\t shake\t her\t head,\t she\t just\t sat there.\tSoon\tafter\tthat\tthey\twent\tto\tbed.\tShe\twas\thaving\tcramps\tand\tshe\tsaid it\t might\t hurt\t to\t have\t sex,\t so\t he\t just\t touched\t her\t until\t she\t came.\t Then\t she was\t in\t a\t good\t mood\t and\t making\t luxurious\t moaning\t noises\t and\t saying: God,\tthat\twas\tso\tnice.\tHe\tgot\tout\tof\tbed\tand\twent\tto\twash\this\thands\tin\tthe en\tsuite,\ta\tsmall\tpink-tiled\troom\twith\ta\tpotted\tplant\tin\tthe\tcorner\tand\tlittle jars\t of\t face\t cream\t and\t perfume\t everywhere.\t Rinsing\t his\t hands\t under\t the tap,\the\tasked\tMarianne\tif\tshe\twas\tfeeling\tbetter.\tAnd\tfrom\tbed\tshe\tsaid:\tI feel\twonderful,\tthank\tyou.\tIn\tthe\tmirror\the\tnoticed\the\thad\ta\tlittle\tblood\ton his\t lower\t lip.\t He\t must\t have\t brushed\t it\t with\t his\t hand\t by\t accident.\t He rubbed\t at\t it\t with\t the\t wet\t part\t of\t his\t knuckle,\t and\t from\t the\t other\t room Marianne\t said:\t Imagine\t how\t bitter\t I\u2019m\t going\t to\t be\t when\t you\t meet someone\t else\t and\t fall\t in\t love.\t She\t often\t makes\t little\t jokes\t like\t this.\t He dried\this\thands\tand\tswitched\toff\tthe\tbathroom\tlight. I\tdon\u2019t\tknow,\the\tsaid.\tThis\tis\ta\tpretty\tgood\tarrangement,\tfrom\tmy\tpoint of\tview. Well,\tI\tdo\tmy\tbest. He\t got\t back\t into\t bed\t beside\t her\t and\t kissed\t her\t face.\t She\t had\t been\t sad before,\tafter\tthe\tfilm,\tbut\tnow\tshe\twas\thappy.\tIt\twas\tin\tConnell\u2019s\tpower\tto make\ther\thappy.\tIt\twas\tsomething\the\tcould\tjust\tgive\tto\ther,\tlike\tmoney\tor sex.\t With\t other\t people\t she\t seemed\t so\t independent\t and\t remote,\t but\t with Connell\t she\t was\t different,\t a\t different\t person.\t He\t was\t the\t only\t one\t who knew\ther\tlike\tthat.","* Eventually\t Peggy\t finishes\t her\t wine\t and\t leaves.\t Connell\t sits\t at\t the\t table while\t Marianne\t sees\t her\t out.\t The\t outside\t door\t closes\t and\t Marianne\t re- enters\tthe\tkitchen.\tShe\trinses\ther\twater\tglass\tand\tleaves\tit\tupside\tdown\ton the\tdraining\tboard.\tHe\u2019s\twaiting\tfor\ther\tto\tlook\tat\thim. You\tsaved\tmy\tlife,\the\tsays. She\tturns\taround,\tsmiling,\trolling\ther\tsleeves\tback\tdown. I\twouldn\u2019t\thave\tenjoyed\tit\teither,\tshe\tsays.\tI\twould\thave\tdone\tit\tif\tyou wanted,\tbut\tI\tcould\tsee\tyou\tdidn\u2019t. He\tlooks\tat\ther.\tHe\tkeeps\tlooking\tat\ther\tuntil\tshe\tsays:\tWhat? You\tshouldn\u2019t\tdo\tthings\tyou\tdon\u2019t\twant\tto\tdo,\the\tsays. Oh,\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tmean\tthat. She\tthrows\ther\thands\tup,\tlike\tthe\tissue\tis\tirrelevant.\tIn\ta\tdirect\tsense\the understands\t that\t it\t is.\t He\t tries\t to\t soften\t his\t manner\t since\t anyway\t it\u2019s\t not like\the\u2019s\tannoyed\tat\ther. Well,\tit\twas\ta\tgood\tintervention\ton\tyour\tpart,\the\tsays.\tVery\tattentive\tto my\tpreferences. I\ttry\tto\tbe. Yeah,\tyou\tare.\tCome\there. She\t comes\t to\t sit\t down\t with\t him\t and\t he\t touches\t her\t cheek.\t He\t has\t a terrible\tsense\tall\tof\ta\tsudden\tthat\the\tcould\thit\ther\tface,\tvery\thard\teven,\tand she\twould\tjust\tsit\tthere\tand\tlet\thim.\tThe\tidea\tfrightens\thim\tso\tbadly\tthat\the pulls\this\tchair\tback\tand\tstands\tup.\tHis\thands\tare\tshaking.\tHe\tdoesn\u2019t\tknow why\t he\t thought\t about\t it.\t Maybe\t he\t wants\t to\t do\t it.\t But\t it\t makes\t him\t feel sick. What\u2019s\twrong?\tshe\tsays. He\tfeels\ta\tkind\tof\ttingling\tin\this\tfingers\tnow\tand\the\tcan\u2019t\tbreathe\tright. Oh,\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow,\the\tsays.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow,\tsorry. Did\tI\tdo\tsomething? No,\tno.\tSorry.\tI\thad\ta\tweird\t\u2026\tI\tfeel\tweird.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow. She\tdoesn\u2019t\tget\tup.\tBut\tshe\twould,\twouldn\u2019t\tshe,\tif\the\ttold\ther\tto\tget\tup. His\theart\tis\tpounding\tnow\tand\the\tfeels\tdizzy. Do\tyou\tfeel\tsick?\tshe\tsays.\tYou\u2019ve\tgone\tkind\tof\twhite.","Here,\tMarianne.\tYou\u2019re\tnot\tcold,\tyou\tknow.\tYou\u2019re\tnot\tlike\tthat,\tnot\tat all. She\t gives\t him\t a\t strange\t look,\t screwing\t her\t face\t up.\t Well,\t maybe\t cold was\tthe\twrong\tword,\tshe\tsays.\tIt\tdoesn\u2019t\treally\tmatter. But\tyou\u2019re\tnot\thard\tto\tlike.\tYou\tknow?\tEveryone\tlikes\tyou. I\tdidn\u2019t\texplain\tit\twell.\tForget\tabout\tit. He\t nods.\t He\t still\t can\u2019t\t breathe\t normally.\t Well,\t what\t did\t you\t mean?\t he says.\t She\u2019s\t looking\t at\t him\t now,\t and\t finally\t she\t does\t stand\t up.\t You\t look morbidly\t pale,\t she\t says.\t Are\t you\t feeling\t faint?\t He\t says\t no.\t She\t takes\t his hand\t and\t tells\t him\t it\t feels\t damp.\t He\t nods,\t he\u2019s\t breathing\t hard.\t Quietly Marianne\t says:\t If\t I\u2019ve\t done\t something\t to\t upset\t you,\t I\u2019m\t really\t sorry.\t He forces\ta\tlaugh\tand\ttakes\this\thand\taway.\tNo,\ta\tweird\tfeeling\tcame\tover\tme, he\tsays.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow\twhat\tit\twas.\tI\u2019m\tokay\tnow.","Three\tMonths\tLater (JULY\t2012) Marianne\tis\treading\tthe\tback\tof\ta\tyoghurt\tpot\tin\tthe\tsupermarket.\tWith\ther other\t hand\t she\u2019s\t holding\t her\t phone,\t through\t which\t Joanna\t is\t telling\t an anecdote\t about\t her\t job.\t When\t Joanna\t gets\t into\t an\t anecdote\t she\t can\t really monologue\t at\t length,\t so\t Marianne\t isn\u2019t\t worried\t about\t taking\t her\t attention off\tthe\tconversation\tfor\ta\tfew\tseconds\tto\tread\tthe\tyoghurt\tpot.\tIt\u2019s\ta\twarm day\t outside,\t she\u2019s\t wearing\t a\t light\t blouse\t and\t skirt,\t and\t the\t chill\t of\t the freezer\taisle\traises\tgoosebumps\ton\ther\tarms.\tShe\thas\tno\treason\tto\tbe\tin\tthe supermarket,\t except\t that\t she\t doesn\u2019t\t want\t to\t be\t in\t her\t family\t home,\t and there\taren\u2019t\tmany\tspaces\tin\twhich\ta\tsolitary\tperson\tcan\tbe\tinconspicuous\tin Carricklea.\t She\t can\u2019t\t go\t for\t a\t drink\t alone,\t or\t get\t a\t cup\t of\t coffee\t on\t Main Street.\tEven\tthe\tsupermarket\twill\texhaust\tits\tusefulness\twhen\tpeople\tnotice she\u2019s\tnot\treally\tbuying\tgroceries,\tor\twhen\tshe\tsees\tsomeone\tshe\tknows\tand has\tto\tgo\tthrough\tthe\tmotions\tof\tconversation. The\t office\t is\t half-empty\t so\t nothing\t really\t gets\t done,\t Joanna\t is\t saying. But\tI\u2019m\tstill\tgetting\tpaid\tso\tI\tdon\u2019t\tmind. Because\t Joanna\t has\t a\t job\t now,\t most\t of\t their\t conversations\t take\t place over\tthe\tphone,\teven\tthough\tthey\u2019re\tboth\tliving\tin\tDublin.\tMarianne\u2019s\tonly home\t for\t the\t weekend,\t but\t that\u2019s\t Joanna\u2019s\t only\t time\t off\t work.\t On\t the phone\t Joanna\t frequently\t describes\t her\t office,\t the\t various\t characters\t who work\tthere,\tthe\tdramas\tthat\terupt\tbetween\tthem,\tand\tit\u2019s\tas\tif\tshe\u2019s\ta\tcitizen of\t a\t country\t Marianne\t has\t never\t visited,\t the\t country\t of\t paid\t employment. Marianne\treplaces\tthe\tyoghurt\tpot\tin\tthe\tfreezer\tnow\tand\tasks\tJoanna\tif\tshe finds\t it\t strange,\t to\t be\t paid\t for\t her\t hours\t at\t work\t \u2013\t to\t exchange,\t in\t other words,\t blocks\t of\t her\t extremely\t limited\t time\t on\t this\t earth\t for\t the\t human invention\tknown\tas\tmoney. It\u2019s\ttime\tyou\u2019ll\tnever\tget\tback,\tMarianne\tadds.\tI\tmean,\tthe\ttime\tis\treal. The\tmoney\tis\talso\treal. Well,\tbut\tthe\ttime\tis\tmore\treal.\tTime\tconsists\tof\tphysics,\tmoney\tis\tjust\ta social\tconstruct. Yes,\tbut\tI\u2019m\tstill\talive\tat\twork,\tsays\tJoanna.\tIt\u2019s\tstill\tme,\tI\u2019m\tstill\thaving experiences.\tYou\u2019re\tnot\tworking,\tokay,\tbut\tthe\ttime\tis\tpassing\tfor\tyou\ttoo. You\u2019ll\tnever\tget\tit\tback\teither. But\tI\tcan\tdecide\twhat\tI\tdo\twith\tit. To\t that\t I\t would\t venture\t that\t your\t decision-making\t is\t also\t a\t social","construct. Marianne\t laughs.\t She\t wanders\t out\t of\t the\t freezer\t aisle\t and\t towards\t the snacks. I\tdon\u2019t\tbuy\tinto\tthe\tmorality\tof\twork,\tshe\tsays.\tSome\twork\tmaybe,\tbut you\u2019re\t just\t moving\t paper\t around\t an\t office,\t you\u2019re\t not\t contributing\t to\t the human\teffort. I\tdidn\u2019t\tsay\tanything\tabout\tmorality. Marianne\t lifts\t a\t packet\t of\t dried\t fruit\t and\t examines\t it,\t but\t it\t contains raisins\tso\tshe\tputs\tit\tback\tdown\tand\tpicks\tup\tanother. Do\tyou\tthink\tI\tjudge\tyou\tfor\tbeing\tso\tidle?\tsays\tJoanna. Deep\tdown\tI\tthink\tyou\tdo.\tYou\tjudge\tPeggy. Peggy\thas\tan\tidle\tmind,\twhich\tis\tdifferent. Marianne\tclicks\ther\ttongue\tas\tif\tto\tscold\tJoanna\tfor\ther\tcruelty,\tbut\tnot with\tany\tgreat\tinvestment.\tShe\u2019s\treading\tthe\tback\tof\ta\tdried\tapple\tpacket. I\twouldn\u2019t\twant\tyou\tto\tturn\tinto\tPeggy,\tsays\tJoanna.\tI\tlike\tyou\tthe\tway you\tare. Oh,\tPeggy\u2019s\tnot\tthat\tbad.\tI\u2019m\tgoing\tto\tthe\tsupermarket\tcheckout\tnow\tso I\u2019m\tgoing\tto\thang\tup. Okay.\tYou\tcan\tcall\ttomorrow\tafter\tthe\tthing\tif\tyou\tfeel\tlike\ttalking. Thanks,\tsays\tMarianne.\tYou\u2019re\ta\tgood\tfriend.\tBye. Marianne\t makes\t her\t way\t to\t the\t self-service\t checkout,\t picking\t up\t a bottle\t of\t iced\t tea\t on\t the\t way\t and\t carrying\t the\t dried\t apples.\t When\t she reaches\t the\t row\t of\t self-service\t machines,\t she\t sees\t Lorraine\t unloading\t a basket\t of\t various\t groceries.\t Lorraine\t stops\t when\t she\t sees\t Marianne\t and says:\tHello\tthere!\tMarianne\tclutches\tthe\tdried\tfruit\tagainst\ther\tribcage\tand says\thi. How\tare\tyou\tgetting\ton?\tsays\tLorraine. Good,\tthanks.\tAnd\tyou? Connell\ttells\tme\tyou\u2019re\ttop\tof\tyour\tclass.\tWinning\tprizes\tand\tall\tkinds of\tthings.\tDoesn\u2019t\tsurprise\tme,\tof\tcourse. Marianne\tsmiles.\tHer\tsmile\tfeels\tgummy\tand\tchildish.\tShe\tsqueezes\tthe package\tof\tdried\tfruit,\tfeels\tit\tcrackle\tunder\ther\tdamp\tgrip,\tand\tscans\tit\ton the\t machine.\t The\t supermarket\t lights\t are\t chlorine-white\t and\t she\u2019s\t not wearing\tany\tmake-up.","Oh,\tshe\tsays.\tNothing\tmajor. Connell\t comes\t around\t the\t corner,\t of\t course\t he\t does.\t He\u2019s\t carrying\t a six-pack\t of\t crisps,\t salt\t and\t vinegar\t flavour.\t He\u2019s\t wearing\t a\t white\t T-shirt and\t those\t sweatpants\t with\t the\t stripes\t down\t the\t side.\t His\t shoulders\t seem bigger\t now.\t And\t he\t looks\t at\t her.\t He\u2019s\t been\t in\t the\t supermarket\t the\t whole time;\tmaybe\the\teven\tsaw\ther\tin\tthe\tfreezer\taisle\tand\twalked\tpast\tquickly\tto avoid\tmaking\teye\tcontact.\tMaybe\the\theard\ther\ttalking\ton\tthe\tphone. Hello,\tsays\tMarianne. Oh,\they.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tknow\tyou\twere\tin\ttown. He\tglances\tat\this\tmother,\tand\tthen\tscans\tthe\tcrisps\tand\tputs\tthem\tin\tthe bagging\tarea.\tHis\tsurprise\tat\tseeing\tMarianne\tseems\tgenuine,\tor\tat\tleast\this reluctance\tto\tlook\tat\tor\tspeak\tto\ther\tdoes. I\thear\tyou\u2019re\tvery\tpopular\tup\tthere\tin\tDublin,\tLorraine\tsays.\tSee,\tI\tget all\tthe\tgossip\tfrom\tTrinity\tnow. Connell\tdoesn\u2019t\tlook\tup.\tHe\u2019s\tscanning\tthe\tother\titems\tfrom\tthe\ttrolley: a\tbox\tof\tteabags,\ta\tloaf\tof\tsliced\tpan. Your\tson\u2019s\tjust\tbeing\tkind,\tI\u2019m\tsure,\tsays\tMarianne. She\t takes\t her\t purse\t out\t and\t pays\t for\t her\t items,\t which\t cost\t three\t euro eighty-nine.\tLorraine\tand\tConnell\tare\tpacking\ttheir\tgroceries\tinto\treusable plastic\tbags. Can\twe\toffer\tyou\ta\tlift\thome?\tLorraine\tsays. Oh,\tno,\tsays\tMarianne.\tI\u2019ll\twalk.\tBut\tthank\tyou. Walk!\t says\t Lorraine.\t Out\t to\t Blackfort\t Road?\t Do\t not.\t We\u2019ll\t give\t you\t a lift. Connell\t takes\t both\t the\t plastic\t bags\t in\t his\t arms\t and\t cocks\t his\t head towards\tthe\tdoor. Come\ton,\the\tsays. Marianne\t hasn\u2019t\t seen\t him\t since\t May.\t He\t moved\t home\t after\t the\t exams and\t she\t stayed\t in\t Dublin.\t He\t said\t he\t wanted\t to\t see\t other\t people\t and\t she said:\tOkay.\tNow,\tbecause\tshe\twas\tnever\treally\this\tgirlfriend,\tshe\u2019s\tnot\teven his\t ex-girlfriend.\t She\u2019s\t nothing.\t They\t all\t get\t in\t the\t car\t together,\t Marianne sitting\t in\t the\t back\t seat,\t while\t Connell\t and\t Lorraine\t have\t a\t conversation about\t someone\t they\t know\t who\t has\t died,\t but\t an\t elderly\t person\t so\t it\u2019s\t not that\tsad.\tMarianne\tstares\tout\tthe\twindow. Well,\tI\u2019m\tdelighted\twe\tbumped\tinto\tyou,\tsays\tLorraine.\tIt\u2019s\tgreat\tto\tsee","you\tlooking\tso\twell. Oh,\tthank\tyou. How\tlong\tare\tyou\tin\ttown\tfor? Just\tthe\tweekend,\tsays\tMarianne. Eventually\t Connell\t indicates\t at\t the\t entrance\t to\t the\t Foxfield\t estate\t and pulls\t in\t outside\t his\t house.\t Lorraine\t gets\t out.\t Connell\t glances\t at\t Marianne in\tthe\trear-view\tmirror\tand\tsays:\tHere,\tget\tin\tthe\tfront,\twill\tyou?\tI\u2019m\tnot\ta taxi\t driver.\t Wordlessly\t Marianne\t complies.\t Lorraine\t opens\t the\t boot\t and Connell\ttwists\taround\tin\this\tseat.\tLeave\tthe\tbags,\the\tsays.\tI\u2019ll\tbring\tthem\tin when\tI\u2019m\tback.\tShe\tputs\tup\ther\thands\tin\tsurrender,\tshuts\tthe\tboot\tand\tthen waves\tthem\toff. It\u2019s\ta\tshort\tdrive\tfrom\tConnell\u2019s\thouse\tto\tMarianne\u2019s.\tHe\ttakes\ta\tleft\tout of\t the\t estate,\t towards\t the\t roundabout.\t Only\t a\t few\t months\t ago\t he\t and Marianne\tused\tto\tstay\tup\tall\tnight\ttogether\ttalking\tand\thaving\tsex.\tHe\tused to\t pull\t the\t blankets\t off\t her\t in\t the\t morning\t and\t get\t on\t top\t of\t her\t with\t this little\tsmiling\texpression\tlike:\tOh\they,\thello.\tThey\twere\tbest\tfriends.\tHe\ttold her\tthat,\twhen\tshe\tasked\thim\twho\this\tbest\tfriend\twas.\tYou,\the\tsaid.\tThen\tat the\tend\tof\tMay\the\ttold\ther\the\twas\tmoving\thome\tfor\tthe\tsummer. How\tare\tthings,\tanyway?\the\tsays. Fine,\tthanks.\tHow\tare\tyou? I\u2019m\talright,\tyeah. He\tchanges\tgears\twith\ta\tdomineering\tgesture\tof\this\thand. Are\tyou\tstill\tworking\tin\tthe\tgarage?\tshe\tasks. No,\tno.\tYou\tmean\twhere\tI\tused\tto\twork?\tThat\tplace\tis\tclosed\tnow. Is\tit? Yeah,\the\tsays.\tNo,\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\tworking\tin\tthe\tBistro.\tActually\tyour\tmam was\tin\tthe\tother\tnight\twith\ther,\tuh.\tHer\tboyfriend\tor\twhatever\tit\tis. Marianne\t nods.\t They\t are\t driving\t past\t the\t football\t grounds\t now.\t A\t thin veil\t of\t rain\t begins\t to\t fall\t on\t the\t windshield,\t and\t Connell\t turns\t the\t wipers on,\t so\t they\t scrape\t out\t a\t mechanical\t rhythm\t on\t their\t voyage\t from\t side\t to side. * When\t Connell\t went\t home\t for\t Reading\t Week\t in\t the\t spring,\t he\t asked Marianne\tif\tshe\twould\tsend\thim\tnaked\tpictures\tof\therself.\tI\u2019ll\tdelete\tthem whenever\t you\t want\t obviously,\t he\t said.\t You\t can\t supervise.\t This\t suggested","to\t Marianne\t a\t whole\t erotic\t ritual\t she\t had\t never\t heard\t of.\t Why\t would\t I want\tyou\tto\tdelete\tthem?\tshe\tsaid.\tThey\twere\ttalking\ton\tthe\tphone,\tConnell at\thome\tin\tFoxfield\tand\tMarianne\tlying\ton\ther\tbed\tin\tMerrion\tSquare.\tHe explained\t briefly\t the\t politics\t of\t naked\t pictures,\t not\t showing\t them\t to people,\tdeleting\tthem\ton\trequest,\tand\tso\ton. Do\tyou\tget\tthese\tphotos\tfrom\ta\tlot\tof\tgirls?\tshe\tasked\thim. Well,\t I\t don\u2019t\t have\t any\t now.\t And\t I\u2019ve\t never\t actually\t asked\t for\t any before,\tbut\tsometimes\tyou\tdo\tget\tsent\tthem. She\t asked\t if\t he\t would\t send\t her\t back\t photographs\t of\t himself\t in\t return, and\the\tmade\ta\t\u2018hm\u2019\tnoise. I\tdon\u2019t\tknow,\the\tsaid.\tWould\tyou\treally\twant\ta\tpicture\tof\tmy\tdick? Comically,\tshe\tfelt\tthe\tinside\tof\ther\tmouth\tget\twet. Yes,\t she\t said.\t But\t if\t you\t sent\t one\t I\t would\t honestly\t never\t delete\t it,\t so you\tprobably\tshouldn\u2019t. He\tlaughed\tthen.\tNo,\tI\tdon\u2019t\tcare\twhether\tyou\tdelete\tit,\the\tsaid. She\tuncrossed\ther\tankles.\tI\tmean\tI\u2019ll\ttake\tit\tto\tmy\tgrave,\tshe\tsaid.\tLike I\twill\tlook\tat\tit\tprobably\tevery\tday\tuntil\tI\tdie. He\t was\t really\t laughing\t then.\t Marianne,\t he\t said,\t I\u2019m\t not\t a\t religious person\tbut\tI\tdo\tsometimes\tthink\tGod\tmade\tyou\tfor\tme. * The\tsports\tcentre\tflashes\tpast\tthe\tdriver\u2019s-side\twindow\tthrough\tthe\tblur\tof rainfall.\tConnell\tlooks\tat\tMarianne\tagain,\tthen\tback\tat\tthe\troad. And\tyou\u2019re\twith\tthis\tguy\tJamie\tnow,\taren\u2019t\tyou?\the\tsays.\tSo\tI\thear. Yeah. He\u2019s\tnot\ta\tbad-looking\tguy. Oh,\tshe\tsays.\tWell,\tokay.\tThanks. She\tand\tJamie\thave\tbeen\ttogether\tfor\ta\tfew\tweeks\tnow.\tHe\thas\tcertain proclivities.\tThey\thave\tcertain\tshared\tproclivities.\tSometimes\tin\tthe\tmiddle of\tthe\tday\tshe\tremembers\tsomething\tJamie\thas\tsaid\tor\tdone\tto\ther,\tand\tall her\t energy\t leaves\t her\t completely,\t so\t her\t body\t feels\t like\t a\t carcass, something\timmensely\theavy\tand\tawful\tthat\tshe\thas\tto\tcarry\taround. Yeah,\t says\t Connell.\t I\t actually\t beat\t him\t in\t a\t game\t of\t pool\t once.\t You probably\tdon\u2019t\tremember. I\tdo.","Connell\t nods\t and\t adds:\t He\t always\t liked\t you.\t Marianne\t stares\t out\t the windshield\tat\tthe\tcar\tahead.\tIt\u2019s\ttrue,\tJamie\talways\tliked\ther.\tHe\tsent\ther\ta text\t once\t implying\t that\t Connell\t wasn\u2019t\t serious\t about\t her.\t She\t showed Connell\tthe\ttext\tand\tthey\tlaughed\tabout\tit.\tThey\twere\tin\tbed\ttogether\tat\tthe time,\tConnell\u2019s\tface\tilluminated\tby\tthe\tlit\tdisplay\ton\ther\tphone\tscreen.\tYou should\tbe\twith\tsomeone\twho\ttakes\tyou\tseriously,\tthe\tmessage\tread. What\tabout\tyou,\tare\tyou\tseeing\tanyone?\tshe\tsays. Not\treally.\tNothing\tserious. Embracing\tthe\tsingle\tlifestyle. You\tknow\tme,\the\tsays. I\tdid\tonce. He\tfrowns.\tThat\u2019s\ta\tbit\tphilosophical,\the\tsays.\tI\thaven\u2019t\tchanged\tmuch in\tthe\tlast\tfew\tmonths. Neither\thave\tI.\tActually,\tyeah.\tI\thaven\u2019t\tchanged\tat\tall. * One\t night\t in\t May,\t Marianne\u2019s\t friend\t Sophie\t threw\t a\t house\t party\t to celebrate\t the\t end\t of\t the\t exams.\t Her\t parents\t were\t in\t Sicily\t or\t somewhere like\t that.\t Connell\t still\t had\t an\t exam\t left\t at\t the\t time,\t but\t he\t wasn\u2019t\t worried about\tit,\tso\the\tcame\talong\ttoo.\tAll\ttheir\tfriends\twere\tthere,\tpartly\tbecause Sophie\t had\t a\t heated\t swimming\t pool\t in\t her\t basement.\t They\t spent\t most\t of the\t night\t in\t their\t swimsuits,\t dipping\t in\t and\t out\t of\t the\t water,\t drinking\t and talking.\tMarianne\tsat\tat\tthe\tside\twith\ta\tplastic\tcup\tof\twine,\twhile\tsome\tof the\tothers\tplayed\ta\tgame\tin\tthe\tpool.\tIt\tseemed\tto\tinvolve\tpeople\tsitting\ton other\t people\u2019s\t shoulders\t and\t trying\t to\t knock\t each\t other\t into\t the\t water. Sophie\t got\t up\t onto\t Connell\u2019s\t shoulders\t for\t the\t second\t match,\t and\t said appreciatively:\t That\u2019s\t a\t nice\t solid\t torso\t you\t have.\t Marianne\t looked\t on, slightly\t drunk,\t admiring\t the\t way\t Sophie\t and\t Connell\t looked\t together,\t his hands\ton\ther\tsmooth\tbrown\tshins,\tand\tfeeling\ta\tstrange\tsense\tof\tnostalgia for\ta\tmoment\tthat\twas\talready\tin\tthe\tprocess\tof\thappening.\tSophie\tlooked over\tat\ther\tthen. No\t need\t to\t worry,\t Marianne,\t she\t called.\t I\u2019m\t not\t going\t to\t steal\t him away. Marianne\tthought\tConnell\twould\tgaze\toff\tinto\tthe\twater,\tpretending\tnot to\thear,\tbut\tinstead\the\tlooked\taround\tat\ther\tand\tsmiled. She\u2019s\tnot\tworried,\the\tsaid. She\t didn\u2019t\t know\t what\t that\t meant,\t really,\t but\t she\t smiled,\t and\t then\t the","game\t began.\t She\t felt\t happy\t to\t be\t surrounded\t by\t people\t she\t liked,\t who liked\t her.\t She\t knew\t that\t if\t she\t wanted\t to\t speak,\t everyone\t would\t probably turn\taround\tand\tlisten\tout\tof\tsincere\tinterest,\tand\tthat\tmade\ther\thappy\ttoo, although\tshe\thad\tnothing\tat\tall\tto\tsay. After\t the\t game\t was\t finished\t Connell\t came\t over\t to\t her,\t standing\t in\t the water\t where\t her\t legs\t were\t dangling.\t She\t looked\t down\t at\t him\t benignly.\t I was\tadmiring\tyou,\tshe\tsaid.\tHe\tpushed\this\twet\thair\tback\tfrom\this\tforehead. You\u2019re\talways\tadmiring\tme,\the\tsaid.\tShe\tkicked\ther\tleg\tat\thim\tgently\tand he\t put\t his\t hand\t around\t her\t ankle\t and\t stroked\t it\t with\t his\t fingers.\t You\t and Sophie\tmake\tan\tathletic\tteam,\tshe\tsaid.\tHe\tkept\tstroking\ther\tleg\tunder\tthe water.\tIt\tfelt\tvery\tnice.\tThe\tothers\twere\tcalling\thim\tback\tto\tthe\tdeeper\tend then,\tthey\twanted\tto\thave\tanother\tgame.\tYou\u2019re\talright,\the\tsaid.\tI\u2019m\thaving a\tbreak\tfor\tthis\tround.\tThen\the\thopped\tup\tonto\tthe\tside\tof\tthe\tpool,\tbeside her.\t His\t body\t was\t glistening\t wet.\t He\t put\t his\t hand\t flat\t on\t the\t tiles\t behind her\tto\tsteady\thimself. Come\there,\the\tsaid. He\tput\this\tarm\taround\ther\twaist.\tHe\thad\tnever,\tever\ttouched\ther\tin\tfront of\tanyone\telse\tbefore.\tTheir\tfriends\thad\tnever\tseen\tthem\ttogether\tlike\tthis, no\tone\thad.\tIn\tthe\tpool\tthe\tothers\twere\tstill\tsplashing\tand\tyelling. That\u2019s\tnice,\tshe\tsaid. He\t turned\t his\t head\t and\t kissed\t her\t bare\t shoulder.\t She\t laughed\t again, shocked\tand\tgratified.\tHe\tglanced\tback\tout\tat\tthe\twater\tand\tthen\tlooked\tat her. You\u2019re\thappy\tnow,\the\tsaid.\tYou\u2019re\tsmiling. You\u2019re\tright,\tI\tam\thappy. He\tnodded\ttowards\tthe\tpool,\twhere\tPeggy\thad\tjust\tfallen\tinto\tthe\twater, and\tpeople\twere\tlaughing. Is\tthis\twhat\tlife\tis\tlike?\tConnell\tsaid. She\t looked\t at\t his\t face,\t but\t she\t couldn\u2019t\t tell\t from\t his\t expression\t if\t he was\t pleased\t or\t miserable.\t What\t do\t you\t mean?\t she\t said.\t But\t he\t only shrugged.\t A\t few\t days\t later\t he\t told\t her\t he\t was\t leaving\t Dublin\t for\t the summer. * You\tdidn\u2019t\ttell\tme\tyou\twere\tin\ttown,\the\tsays\tnow. She\t nods\t slowly,\t like\t she\u2019s\t thinking\t about\t it,\t like\t it\t just\t now\t occurs\t to her\t that\t in\t fact\t she\t did\t not\t tell\t Connell\t she\t was\t in\t town,\t and\t it\u2019s\t an","interesting\tthought. So\twhat,\tare\twe\tnot\tfriends\tanymore?\the\tsays. Of\tcourse\twe\tare. You\tdon\u2019t\treply\tto\tmy\tmessages\tvery\tmuch. Admittedly\tshe\thas\tbeen\tignoring\thim.\tShe\thad\tto\ttell\tpeople\twhat\thad happened\tbetween\tthem,\tthat\the\thad\tbroken\tup\twith\ther\tand\tmoved\taway, and\t it\t mortified\t her.\t She\t was\t the\t one\t who\t had\t introduced\t Connell\t to everyone,\twho\thad\ttold\tthem\tall\twhat\tgreat\tcompany\the\twas,\thow\tsensitive and\t intelligent,\t and\t he\t had\t repaid\t her\t by\t staying\t in\t her\t apartment\t almost every\t night\t for\t three\t months,\t drinking\t the\t beer\t she\t bought\t for\t him,\t and then\t abruptly\t dumping\t her.\t It\t made\t her\t look\t like\t such\t a\t fool.\t Peggy laughed\tit\toff,\tof\tcourse,\tsaying\tmen\twere\tall\tthe\tsame.\tJoanna\tdidn\u2019t\tseem to\t think\t the\t situation\t was\t funny\t at\t all,\t but\t puzzling,\t and\t sad.\t She\t kept asking\t what\t each\t of\t them\t had\t specifically\t said\t during\t the\t break-up,\t and then\tshe\twould\tgo\tquiet,\tas\tif\tshe\twas\tre-enacting\tthe\tscene\tin\ther\tmind\tto try\tand\tmake\tsense\tof\tit. Joanna\t wanted\t to\t know\t if\t Connell\t knew\t about\t Marianne\u2019s\t family. Everyone\tin\tCarricklea\tknows\teach\tother,\tMarianne\tsaid.\tJoanna\tshook\ther head\t and\t said:\t But\t I\t mean,\t does\t he\t know\t what\t they\u2019re\t like?\t Marianne couldn\u2019t\tanswer\tthat.\tShe\tfeels\tthat\teven\tshe\tdoesn\u2019t\tknow\twhat\ther\tfamily are\tlike,\tthat\tshe\u2019s\tnever\tadequate\tin\ther\tattempts\tto\tdescribe\tthem,\tthat\tshe oscillates\t between\t exaggerating\t their\t behaviour,\t which\t makes\t her\t feel guilty,\t or\t downplaying\t it,\t which\t also\t makes\t her\t feel\t guilty,\t but\t a\t different guilt,\t more\t inwardly\t directed.\t Joanna\t believes\t that\t she\t knows\t what Marianne\u2019s\t family\t are\t like,\t but\t how\t can\t she,\t how\t can\t anyone,\t when Marianne\t herself\t doesn\u2019t?\t Of\t course\t Connell\t can\u2019t.\t He\u2019s\t a\t well-adjusted person\t raised\t in\t a\t loving\t home.\t He\t just\t assumes\t the\t best\t of\t everyone\t and knows\tnothing. I\tthought\tyou\twould\tat\tleast\ttext\tme\tif\tyou\twere\tcoming\thome,\the\tsays. It\u2019s\tkind\tof\tweird\trunning\tinto\tyou\twhen\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tknow\tyou\twere\taround. At\tthis\tmoment\tshe\tremembers\tleaving\ta\tflask\tin\tConnell\u2019s\tcar\tthe\tday they\t drove\t to\t Howth\t in\t April,\t and\t she\t never\t got\t the\t flask\t back.\t It\t might still\t be\t in\t his\t glovebox.\t She\t eyes\t the\t glovebox\t but\t doesn\u2019t\t feel\t she\t can open\t it,\t because\t he\t would\t ask\t what\t she\t was\t doing\t and\t she\t would\t have\t to bring\t up\t the\t trip\t to\t Howth.\t They\t went\t swimming\t in\t the\t sea\t that\t day\t and then\tparked\this\tcar\tsomewhere\tout\tof\tsight\tand\thad\tsex\tin\tthe\tback\tseat.\tIt would\tbe\tshameless\tto\tremind\thim\tof\tthat\tday\tnow\tthat\tthey\u2019re\tonce\tagain in\t the\t car\t together,\t even\t though\t she\t would\t really\t like\t her\t flask\t back,\t or maybe\tit\u2019s\tnot\tabout\tthe\tflask,\tmaybe\tshe\tjust\twants\tto\tremind\thim\the\tonce","fucked\t her\t in\t the\t back\t seat\t of\t the\t car\t they\u2019re\t now\t sitting\t in,\t she\t knows\t it would\t make\t him\t blush,\t and\t maybe\t she\t wants\t to\t force\t him\t to\t blush\t as\t a sadistic\tdisplay\tof\tpower,\tbut\tthat\twouldn\u2019t\tbe\tlike\ther,\tso\tshe\tsays\tnothing. What\tare\tyou\tdoing\tin\ttown\tanyway?\the\tsays.\tJust\tvisiting\tyour\tfamily? It\u2019s\tmy\tfather\u2019s\tanniversary\tMass. Oh,\the\tsays.\tHe\tglances\tover\tat\ther,\tthen\tback\tout\tthe\twindshield.\tSorry, he\tadds.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\trealise.\tWhen\tis\tthat,\ttomorrow\tmorning? She\tnods.\tHalf\tten,\tshe\tsays. Sorry\tabout\tthat,\tMarianne.\tThat\twas\tstupid\tof\tme. It\u2019s\talright.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\treally\twant\tto\tcome\thome\tfor\tit\tbut\tmy\tmother\tkind of\tinsists.\tI\u2019m\tnot\ta\tbig\tMass\tperson. No,\the\tsays.\tYeah. He\t coughs.\t She\t stares\t out\t the\t windshield.\t They\u2019re\t at\t the\t top\t of\t her street\t now.\t She\t and\t Connell\t have\t never\t spoken\t much\t about\t her\t father,\t or about\this. Do\t you\t want\t me\t to\t come?\t Connell\t says.\t Obviously\t if\t you\t don\u2019t\t want me\tthere\tI\twon\u2019t\tgo.\tBut\tI\twouldn\u2019t\tmind\tgoing,\tif\tyou\twant. She\tlooks\tat\thim,\tand\tfeels\ta\tcertain\tweakening\tin\ther\tbody. Thank\tyou\tfor\toffering,\tshe\tsays.\tThat\u2019s\tkind\tof\tyou. I\tdon\u2019t\tmind. You\treally\tdon\u2019t\thave\tto. It\u2019s\tno\tbother,\the\tsays.\tI\u2019d\tlike\tto\tgo,\tto\tbe\thonest. He\t indicates\t and\t pulls\t into\t her\t gravel\t driveway.\t Her\t mother\u2019s\t car\t isn\u2019t there,\tshe\u2019s\tnot\tat\thome.\tThe\thuge\twhite\tfacade\tof\tthe\thouse\tglares\tdown\tat them.\t Something\t about\t the\t arrangement\t of\t windows\t gives\t Marianne\u2019s house\ta\tdisapproving\texpression.\tConnell\tswitches\tthe\tengine\toff. Sorry\tI\twas\tignoring\tyour\tmessages,\tsays\tMarianne.\tIt\twas\tchildish. It\u2019s\t alright.\t Look,\t if\t you\t don\u2019t\t want\t to\t be\t friends\t anymore,\t we\t don\u2019t have\tto\tbe. Of\tcourse\tI\twant\tto\tbe\tfriends. He\t nods,\t tapping\t his\t fingers\t on\t the\t steering\t wheel.\t His\t body\t is\t so\t big and\t gentle,\t like\t a\t Labrador.\t She\t wants\t to\t tell\t him\t things.\t But\t it\u2019s\t too\t late now,\tand\tanyway\tit\thas\tnever\tdone\ther\tany\tgood\tto\ttell\tanyone.","Alright,\t says\t Connell.\t I\u2019ll\t see\t you\t tomorrow\t morning\t at\t the\t church, then,\twill\tI? She\tswallows.\tDo\tyou\twant\tto\tcome\tinside\tfor\ta\tbit?\tshe\tsays.\tWe\tcould have\ta\tcup\tof\ttea\tor\tsomething. Oh,\tI\twould,\tbut\tthere\u2019s\tice\tcream\tin\tthe\tboot. Marianne\t looks\t around,\t remembering\t the\t shopping\t bags,\t and\t feels disorientated\tsuddenly. Lorraine\twould\tkill\tme,\the\tsays. Sure.\tOf\tcourse. She\t gets\t out\t of\t the\t car\t then.\t He\t waves\t out\t the\t window.\t And\t he\t will come,\ttomorrow\tmorning,\tand\the\twill\tbe\twearing\ta\tnavy\tsweatshirt\twith\ta white\t Oxford\t shirt\t underneath,\t looking\t innocent\t as\t a\t lamb,\t and\t he\t will stand\t with\t her\t in\t the\t vestibule\t afterwards,\t not\t saying\t very\t much\t but catching\t her\t eye\t supportively.\t Smiles\t will\t be\t exchanged,\t relieved\t smiles. And\tthey\twill\tbe\tfriends\tagain.","Six\tWeeks\tLater (SEPTEMBER\t2012) He\u2019s\tlate\tto\tmeet\ther.\tThe\tbus\twas\tcaught\tin\ttraffic\tbecause\tof\tsome\trally\tin town\tand\tnow\the\u2019s\teight\tminutes\tlate\tand\the\tdoesn\u2019t\tknow\twhere\tthe\tcafe is.\tHe\thas\tnever\tmet\tMarianne\t\u2018for\tcoffee\u2019\tbefore.\tThe\tweather\tis\ttoo\twarm today,\ta\tscratchy\tand\tunseasonal\theat.\tHe\tfinds\tthe\tcafe\ton\tCapel\tStreet\tand walks\tpast\tthe\tcashier\ttowards\tthe\tdoor\tat\tthe\tback,\tchecking\this\tphone.\tIt\u2019s nine\t minutes\t past\t three.\t Outside\t the\t back\t door\t Marianne\t is\t sitting\t in\t the smoking\t garden\t drinking\t her\t coffee\t already.\t No\t one\t else\t is\t out\t there,\t the place\tis\tquiet.\tShe\tdoesn\u2019t\tget\tup\twhen\tshe\tsees\thim. Sorry\t I\u2019m\t late,\t he\t says.\t There\t was\t some\t protest\t on\t so\t the\t bus\t was delayed. He\tsits\tdown\topposite\ther.\tHe\thasn\u2019t\tordered\tanything\tyet. Don\u2019t\tworry\tabout\tit,\tshe\tsays.\tWhat\twas\tthe\tprotest?\tIt\twasn\u2019t\tabortion or\tanything,\twas\tit? He\t feels\t ashamed\t now\t that\t he\t didn\u2019t\t notice.\t No,\t I\t don\u2019t\t think\t so,\t he says.\tThe\thousehold\ttax\tor\tsomething. Well,\tbest\tof\tluck\tto\tthem.\tMay\tthe\trevolution\tbe\tswift\tand\tbrutal. He\t hasn\u2019t\t seen\t her\t in\t person\t since\t July,\t when\t she\t came\t home\t for\t her father\u2019s\t Mass.\t Her\t lips\t look\t pale\t now\t and\t slightly\t chapped,\t and\t she\t has dark\t circles\t under\t her\t eyes.\t Although\t he\t takes\t pleasure\t in\t seeing\t her\t look good,\the\tfeels\ta\tspecial\tsympathy\twith\ther\twhen\tshe\tlooks\till\tor\ther\tskin\tis bad,\tlike\twhen\tsomeone\twho\u2019s\tusually\tvery\tgood\tat\tsports\thas\ta\tpoor\tgame. It\t makes\t her\t seem\t nicer\t somehow.\t She\u2019s\t wearing\t a\t very\t elegant\t black blouse,\t her\t wrists\t look\t slender\t and\t white,\t and\t her\t hair\t is\t twisted\t back loosely\tat\ther\tneck. Yeah,\t he\t says.\t I\t would\t have\t a\t bit\t more\t energy\t for\t protesting\t if\t it\t was more\ton\tthe\tbrutal\tside,\tto\tbe\thonest. You\twant\tto\tget\tbeaten\tup\tby\tthe\tGarda\u00ed. There\tare\tworse\tthings\tthan\tgetting\tbeaten\tup. Marianne\t is\t taking\t a\t sip\t of\t coffee\t when\t he\t says\t this,\t and\t she\t seems\t to pause\tfor\ta\tmoment\twith\tthe\tcup\tat\ther\tlips.\tHe\tcan\u2019t\ttell\thow\the\tidentifies this\tpause\tas\tdistinct\tfrom\tthe\tnatural\tmotion\tof\ther\tdrinking,\tbut\the\tsees\tit. Then\tshe\treplaces\tthe\tcup\ton\tthe\tsaucer.","I\tagree,\tshe\tsays. What\tdoes\tthat\tmean? I\u2019m\tagreeing\twith\tyou. Have\t you\t recently\t been\t attacked\t by\t the\t guards\t or\t have\t I\t missed something?\the\tsays. She\ttaps\ta\tlittle\textra\tsugar\tfrom\ta\tsachet\tinto\ther\tcup\tand\tthen\tstirs\tit. Finally\tshe\tglances\tup\tat\thim\tas\tif\tremembering\the\u2019s\tsitting\tthere. Aren\u2019t\tyou\tgoing\tto\thave\tcoffee?\tshe\tsays. He\tnods.\tHe\u2019s\tstill\tfeeling\ta\tlittle\tbreathless\tafter\tthe\twalk\tfrom\tthe\tbus, a\tlittle\ttoo\twarm\tunder\this\tclothes.\tHe\tgets\tup\tfrom\tthe\ttable\tand\tgoes\tback into\t the\t main\t room.\t It\u2019s\t cool\t in\t there\t and\t much\t dimmer.\t A\t woman\t in\t red lipstick\ttakes\this\torder\tand\tsays\tshe\u2019ll\tbring\tit\tright\tout. * Until\t April,\t Connell\t had\t been\t planning\t to\t work\t in\t Dublin\t for\t the\t summer and\t cover\t the\t rent\t with\t his\t wages,\t but\t a\t week\t before\t the\t exams\t his\t boss told\t him\t they\t were\t cutting\t back\t his\t hours.\t He\t could\t just\t about\t make\t rent that\tway\tbut\the\u2019d\thave\tnothing\tleft\tto\tlive\ton.\tHe\u2019d\talways\tknown\tthat\tthe place\twas\tgoing\tto\tgo\tout\tof\tbusiness,\tand\the\twas\tfurious\twith\thimself\tfor not\t applying\t anywhere\t else.\t He\t thought\t about\t it\t constantly\t for\t weeks.\t In the\t end\t he\t decided\t he\t would\t have\t to\t move\t out\t for\t the\t summer.\t Niall\t was very\tnice\tabout\tit,\tsaid\tthe\troom\twould\tstill\tbe\tthere\tfor\thim\tin\tSeptember and\t all\t of\t that.\t What\t about\t yourself\t and\t Marianne?\t Niall\t asked.\t And Connell\tsaid:\tYeah,\tyeah.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow.\tI\thaven\u2019t\ttold\ther\tyet. The\t reality\t was\t that\t he\t stayed\t in\t Marianne\u2019s\t apartment\t most\t nights anyway.\tHe\tcould\tjust\ttell\ther\tabout\tthe\tsituation\tand\task\tif\the\tcould\tstay\tin her\t place\t until\t September.\t He\t knew\t she\t would\t say\t yes.\t He\t thought\t she would\t say\t yes,\t it\t was\t hard\t to\t imagine\t her\t not\t saying\t yes.\t But\t he\t found himself\t putting\t off\t the\t conversation,\t putting\t off\t Niall\u2019s\t enquiries\t about\t it, planning\tto\tbring\tit\tup\twith\ther\tand\tthen\tat\tthe\tlast\tminute\tfailing\tto.\tIt\tjust felt\t too\t much\t like\t asking\t her\t for\t money.\t He\t and\t Marianne\t never\t talked about\t money.\t They\t had\t never\t talked,\t for\t example,\t about\t the\t fact\t that\t her mother\tpaid\this\tmother\tmoney\tto\tscrub\ttheir\tfloors\tand\thang\ttheir\tlaundry, or\tabout\tthe\tfact\tthat\tthis\tmoney\tcirculated\tindirectly\tto\tConnell,\twho\tspent it,\tas\toften\tas\tnot,\ton\tMarianne.\tHe\thated\thaving\tto\tthink\tabout\tthings\tlike that.\tHe\tknew\tMarianne\tnever\tthought\tthat\tway.\tShe\tbought\thim\tthings\tall the\ttime,\tdinner,\ttheatre\ttickets,\tthings\tshe\twould\tpay\tfor\tand\tthen\tinstantly, permanently,\tforget\tabout.","They\twent\tto\ta\tparty\tin\tSophie\tWhelan\u2019s\thouse\tone\tnight\tas\tthe\texams were\t ending.\t He\t knew\t he\t would\t finally\t have\t to\t tell\t Marianne\t that\t he\t was moving\t out\t of\t Niall\u2019s\t place,\t and\t he\t would\t have\t to\t ask\t her,\t outright,\t if\t he could\t stay\t with\t her\t instead.\t Most\t of\t the\t evening\t they\t spent\t by\t the swimming\t pool,\t immersed\t in\t the\t bewitching\t gravity\t of\t warm\t water.\t He watched\tMarianne\tsplashing\taround\tin\ther\tstrapless\tred\tswimsuit.\tA\tlock\tof wet\thair\thad\tcome\tloose\tfrom\tthe\tknot\tat\ther\tneck\tand\twas\tsealed\tflat\tand shining\t against\t her\t skin.\t Everyone\t was\t laughing\t and\t drinking.\t It\t felt nothing\tlike\this\treal\tlife.\tHe\tdidn\u2019t\tknow\tthese\tpeople\tat\tall,\the\thardly\teven believed\t in\t them,\t or\t in\t himself.\t At\t the\t side\t of\t the\t pool\t he\t kissed Marianne\u2019s\tshoulder\timpulsively\tand\tshe\tsmiled\tat\thim,\tdelighted.\tNo\tone looked\t at\t them.\t He\t thought\t he\t would\t tell\t her\t about\t the\t rent\t situation\t that night\t in\t bed.\t He\t felt\t very\t afraid\t of\t losing\t her.\t When\t they\t got\t to\t bed\t she wanted\t to\t have\t sex\t and\t afterwards\t she\t fell\t asleep.\t He\t thought\t of\t waking her\tup\tbut\the\tcouldn\u2019t.\tHe\tdecided\the\twould\twait\tuntil\tafter\this\tlast\texam to\ttalk\tto\ther\tabout\tmoving\thome. Two\t days\t later,\t directly\t after\t his\t paper\t on\t Medieval\t and\t Renaissance Romance,\t he\t went\t over\t to\t Marianne\u2019s\t apartment\t and\t they\t sat\t at\t the\t table drinking\t coffee.\t He\t half-listened\t to\t her\t talking\t about\t some\t complicated relationship\t between\t Teresa\t and\t Lorcan,\t waiting\t for\t her\t to\t finish,\t and eventually\the\tsaid:\tHey,\tlisten.\tBy\tthe\tway.\tIt\tlooks\tlike\tI\twon\u2019t\tbe\table\tto pay\trent\tup\there\tthis\tsummer.\tMarianne\tlooked\tup\tfrom\ther\tcoffee\tand\tsaid flatly:\tWhat? Yeah,\the\tsaid.\tI\u2019m\tgoing\tto\thave\tto\tmove\tout\tof\tNiall\u2019s\tplace. When?\tsaid\tMarianne. Pretty\tsoon.\tNext\tweek\tmaybe. Her\t face\t hardened,\t without\t displaying\t any\t particular\t emotion.\t Oh,\t she said.\tYou\u2019ll\tbe\tgoing\thome,\tthen. He\trubbed\tat\this\tbreastbone\tthen,\tfeeling\tshort\tof\tbreath.\tLooks\tlike\tit, yeah,\the\tsaid. She\t nodded,\t raised\t her\t eyebrows\t briefly\t and\t then\t lowered\t them\t again, and\t stared\t down\t into\t her\t cup\t of\t coffee.\t Well,\t she\t said.\t You\u2019ll\t be\t back\t in September,\tI\tassume. His\teyes\twere\thurting\tand\the\tclosed\tthem.\tHe\tcouldn\u2019t\tunderstand\thow this\thad\thappened,\thow\the\thad\tlet\tthe\tdiscussion\tslip\taway\tlike\tthis.\tIt\twas too\t late\t to\t say\t he\t wanted\t to\t stay\t with\t her,\t that\t was\t clear,\t but\t when\t had\t it become\t too\t late?\t It\t seemed\t to\t have\t happened\t immediately.\t He contemplated\tputting\this\tface\tdown\ton\tthe\ttable\tand\tjust\tcrying\tlike\ta\tchild.","Instead\the\topened\this\teyes\tagain. Yeah,\the\tsaid.\tI\u2019m\tnot\tdropping\tout,\tdon\u2019t\tworry. So\tyou\u2019ll\tonly\tbe\tgone\tthree\tmonths. Yeah. There\twas\ta\tlong\tpause. I\tdon\u2019t\tknow,\the\tsaid.\tI\tguess\tyou\u2019ll\twant\tto\tsee\tother\tpeople,\tthen,\twill you? Finally,\tin\ta\tvoice\tthat\tstruck\thim\tas\ttruly\tcold,\tMarianne\tsaid:\tSure. He\tgot\tup\tthen\tand\tpoured\this\tcoffee\tdown\tthe\tsink,\talthough\tit\twasn\u2019t finished.\t When\t he\t left\t her\t building\t he\t did\t cry,\t as\t much\t for\t his\t pathetic fantasy\tof\tliving\tin\ther\tapartment\tas\tfor\ttheir\tfailed\trelationship,\twhatever that\twas. Within\ta\tcouple\tof\tweeks\tshe\twas\tgoing\tout\twith\tsomeone\telse,\ta\tfriend of\thers\tcalled\tJamie.\tJamie\u2019s\tdad\twas\tone\tof\tthe\tpeople\twho\thad\tcaused\tthe financial\tcrisis\t\u2013\tnot\tfiguratively,\tone\tof\tthe\tactual\tpeople\tinvolved.\tIt\twas Niall\t who\t told\t Connell\t they\t were\t together.\t He\t read\t it\t in\t a\t text\t message during\t work\t and\t had\t to\t go\t into\t the\t back\t room\t and\t press\t his\t forehead against\t a\t cool\t shelving\t unit\t for\t almost\t a\t full\t minute.\t Marianne\t had\t just wanted\tto\tsee\tsomeone\telse\tall\talong,\the\tthought.\tShe\twas\t probably\t glad he\u2019d\t had\t to\t leave\t Dublin\t because\t he\t was\t broke.\t She\t wanted\t a\t boyfriend whose\tfamily\tcould\ttake\ther\ton\tskiing\tholidays.\tAnd\tnow\tthat\tshe\thad\tone, she\twouldn\u2019t\teven\tanswer\tConnell\u2019s\temails\tanymore. By\t July\t even\t Lorraine\t had\t heard\t that\t Marianne\t was\t seeing\t someone new.\tConnell\tknew\tpeople\tin\ttown\twere\ttalking\tabout\tit,\tbecause\tJamie\thad this\t nationally\t infamous\t father,\t and\t because\t there\t was\t nothing\t much\t else going\ton. When\tdid\tyou\ttwo\tsplit\tup,\tthen?\tLorraine\tasked\thim. We\twere\tnever\ttogether. You\twere\tseeing\teach\tother,\tI\tthought. Casually,\the\treplied. Young\tpeople\tthese\tdays.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tget\tmy\thead\taround\tyour\trelationships. You\u2019re\thardly\tancient. When\tI\twas\tin\tschool,\tshe\tsaid,\tyou\twere\teither\tgoing\tout\twith\tsomeone or\tyou\tweren\u2019t.","Connell\tmoved\this\tjaw\taround,\tstaring\tat\tthe\ttelevision\tblandly. Where\tdid\tI\tcome\tfrom,\tthen?\the\tsaid. Lorraine\tgave\thim\ta\tnudge\tof\treproach\tand\the\tcontinued\tto\tlook\tat\tthe TV.\tIt\twas\ta\ttravel\tprogramme,\tlong\tsilver\tbeaches\tand\tblue\twater. Marianne\tSheridan\twouldn\u2019t\tgo\tout\twith\tsomeone\tlike\tme,\the\tsaid. What\tdoes\tthat\tmean,\tsomeone\tlike\tyou? I\tthink\ther\tnew\tboyfriend\tis\ta\tbit\tmore\tin\tline\twith\ther\tsocial\tclass. Lorraine\t was\t silent\t for\t several\t seconds.\t Connell\t could\t feel\t his\t back teeth\tgrinding\ttogether\tquietly. I\tdon\u2019t\tbelieve\tMarianne\twould\tact\tlike\tthat,\tLorraine\tsaid.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tthink she\u2019s\tthat\tkind\tof\tperson. He\tgot\tup\tfrom\tthe\tsofa.\tI\tcan\tonly\ttell\tyou\twhat\thappened,\the\tsaid. Well,\tmaybe\tyou\u2019re\tmisinterpreting\twhat\thappened. But\tConnell\thad\talready\tleft\tthe\troom. * Back\t outside\t the\t cafe\t now,\t the\t sunlight\t is\t so\t strong\t it\t crunches\t all\t the colours\tup\tand\tmakes\tthem\tsting.\tMarianne\u2019s\tlighting\ta\tcigarette,\twith\tthe box\tleft\topen\ton\tthe\ttable.\tWhen\the\tsits\tdown\tshe\tsmiles\tat\thim\tthrough\tthe small\t grey\t cloud\t of\t smoke.\t He\t feels\t she\u2019s\t being\t coy,\t but\t he\t doesn\u2019t\t know about\twhat. I\tdon\u2019t\tthink\twe\u2019ve\tever\tmet\tfor\tcoffee\tbefore,\the\tsays.\tHave\twe? Have\twe\tnot?\tWe\tmust\thave. He\tknows\the\u2019s\tbeing\tunpleasant\tnow\tbut\the\tcan\u2019t\tstop.\tNo,\the\tsays. We\t have,\t she\t says.\t We\t got\t coffee\t before\t we\t went\t to\t see\t Rear\t Window. Although\tI\tguess\tthat\twas\tmore\tlike\ta\tdate. This\t remark\t surprises\t him,\t and\t in\t response\t he\t just\t makes\t some\t non- committal\tnoise\tlike:\tHm. The\tdoor\tbehind\tthem\topens\tand\tthe\twoman\tcomes\tout\twith\this\tcoffee. Connell\t thanks\t her\t and\t she\t smiles\t and\t goes\t back\t inside.\t The\t door\t swings shut.\t Marianne\t is\t saying\t that\t she\t hopes\t Connell\t and\t Jamie\t get\t to\t know each\t other\t better.\t I\t hope\t you\t get\t along\t with\t him,\t Marianne\t says.\t And\t she looks\t up\t at\t Connell\t nervously\t then,\t a\t sincere\t expression\t which\t touches him."]
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