Conversations of Inquiry

Conversations of Inquiry: A workbook and an invitation to explore Scott Downs and Gerald Doyle

Copyright © 2016 and © 2022 Scott Downs and Gerald Doyle. All rights reserved. Tri Cosain books may be purchased for educational, business, or sales promotional use. Online editions are available. For moreinformation, contact: Scott: [email protected] Gerald: [email protected] Designer: Hammad Khalid, www.HMDpublishing.com www.tricosain.com 2

My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human to- gether. – Desmond Tutu (1931-2021) 3

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An Invitation to Explore Do you need help from someone – or a community – to understand, decide on, or secure the kind of work you want? Is there something you need to learn more about – academically, pro- fessionally or personally? Is there a subject about which you simply feel you need to widen your horizons or take a new, broader or different view? Do you want help from someone to understand, decide on, or secure the next stage of your personal education or training? Do you need to expand your network of coaches, mentors, advisers or advocates as you consider your sense of personal inspiration, learning journey or your personal or professional growth? If your answer to any one of these questions is yes, we invite you to explore Conversations of Inquiry. 5

Contents What do we mean by Conversations of Inquiry? 9 Why are we interested? 11 Why engage in a Conversation of Inquiry? 14 How are we focusing? 17 Framing a question of inquiry 19 Journaling and Conversations of Inquiry 21 22 Exercise: Journaling 24 Exercise: Question of inquiry Finding and/or choosing someone to approach 27 List of Potential COI’s 29 Exercise: List of potential COI’s 30 What’s the purpose of your Intended COI? 33 Exercise: Create a PO3 38 Resistance? Fear? 41 Exercise: Working through fear 44 Preparation 47 Exercise: Preparation for a COI 48 Making connection 51 Exercise: Making connection 52 Arriving 56 Opening the meeting 58 Exercise: Your opening 60 6

The body of the conversation 63 Levels of listening 66 When the conversation may become a dialogue 69 70 Exercise: Listening and dialogue A Conversation of Inquiry as a ride on the Creative Rollercoaster 73 Exercise: Riding the Creative Rollercoaster 76 Maps 78 Using maps in Conversations of Inquiry 80 Exercise: Making maps 82 Completing 85 Follow-up 87 Reflection: Consolidating learning 92 94 Exercise: Reflecting on a Particular COI COI’s and becoming the author of your own understanding 97 COI’s and an expanded view of the world 99 Making Conversations of Inquiry a habit – 101 103 A final note from the Authors 110 Quotations that inspire us for this work 113 Appendix: A format for recording learnings from COI’s 116 Sources and references Sketches, notes, drawings 7

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What do we mean by Conversations of Inquiry? When we speak of Conversations of Inquiry, we’re thinking of conversations we initiate as a way of learning something, making a new connection or expanding our horizons. We’ve become curious about these kinds of conversations because of their importance in journeys like job searches, career develop- ment and decisions and next steps in education. As we reflected on our career–oriented work with students and recent alumni, we realised that Conversations of Inquiry can be remarkably useful in many, many contexts: wherever our intent is to learn something new or to widen our perspective in any way. 9

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Why are we interested? We’ve learned from a number of expert sources*, and from our own experience, that Conversations of Inquiry can be a crucial part of an effective search for satisfying and productive work. These conversations can be a form of “prototyping” – helping us try out new ideas and explore new avenues in many aspects of work-life. So Conversations of Inquiry can help us define what we want to do in work, and how to get the opportunity to do it. Some of us are educators, working with students who are consid- ering their educational options, particularly decisions about what kind of educational program to pursue or where to apply. Conver- sations of Inquiry can help people decide what they need to learn and how and where to learn it. We also work to help people discover their inspiration or sense of purpose and to develop visions of the future based on those inspirations. Within that work, we have discovered that focused Conversations of Inquiry can help unlock the exploration and manifestation of a sense of personal or collective purpose and in- spiration. So Conversations of Inquiry can help us discover what’s most important to us, who we are, and why we’re here – and then how to bring those insights to life every day. 11

Taking all these learnings together, we’re coming to see that Con- versations of Inquiry can be a huge resource for people across many fields of interest. We generalise to say that anyone who is interested in learning, making new connections or widening their personal horizons will be well served by becoming skilled and self–aware in the art of Conversations of Inquiry. *(for example Steve Dalton, Bill Burnett and Dave Evans – see sources and references at the end of the book.) 12

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Why engage in a Conversation of Inquiry? z To understand needs – in the marketplace and the wider world (potential employers, customers, suppliers, collaborators) z To get ideas and input needed to make a crucial decision z To learn from the experience of others z To dig deep(er) into important questions z To meet and get to know interesting and insightful people – people who may be valuable connections – e.g. for learning, mentorship, referral, hiring, buying, selling, support – now or in the future z To get clues on mentorship or sponsorship. These could come from or through the person we are talking to, – or from some- one they know or suggest z To develop and test our own offerings – personal, profession- al or corporate – testing existing ideas and getting new ideas about how our offers might change, grow or develop z To get referrals to the next stage of an inquiry z To ask for help and support 14

z To make an offer of help and support z To make a human connection z To learn across generations, cultures, backgrounds, perspec- tives, orientations – to create more diversity of experience or insight z To develop a respect for or knowledge of history and context z To be awakened to ideas that we might never gain insights to within our current comfort zone z Simply to stretch and expand our perspective beyond its cur- rent limits z To gain stimulus for creativity and innovation 15

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How are we focusing? For the moment, we are focusing here on one-to-one conversa- tions where we reach out to someone for purposes of learning or exploration – for inquiry. These reflections do touch on general principles of dialogue, but it is not our purpose here to explore dialogue in general. We are not concerned at this moment with conversations intended particularly to reach decisions, conclude agreements or make sales, for example. We do expect to go broad- er in considering the potential and value of dialogue in subsequent publications. Please stay tuned! Now, let’s jump in together: let’s create some Conversations of In- quiry and explore some of the related themes of inquiry, dialogue and self-reflection that illuminate and are illuminated by such a journey. 17

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Framing a question of inquiry What do you want to know? Who do you want to connect to? What do you want to learn? How do you want to grow? How can you most effectively move an important project forward? Any of these questions can be great foundations for a Conversa- tion of Inquiry. Indeed, if you find yourself holding a question like one of these, you might find that a Conversation of Inquiry (COI for short), or a sequence or series of them, will be a great help in clarifying your insights and/or achieving your goals. If you do have such a question in mind, it may be useful to sit with the question for a while, and let it deepen or develop. It can be useful to ask yourself – probably more than once – why do I want what I think I want? What would it give me if I had it? Why do I want that? And so on. As an example, you might want to get a good job. What do you mean by a good job? What do you know about what good means for you? It’s often worth clarifying your real desires in some depth. Some thinkers suggest asking yourself “Why?” up to five times to get to the bottom of your most important motivations. Curiously, you might want to consider having a Conversation of Inquiry with someone, just to clarify your own questions for later investigations. Or you might find that you want to spend some time in internal reflection, “having a conversation with yourself” about what is truly important to you in this situation, what you want to learn, what you want to achieve, what you want to create, design or “make”, how you want to serve others. 19

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Journaling and Conversations of Inquiry In our work with young people to help them discover and cre- ate their sense of inspiration, we invite our participants to keep a journal where they can record and mature observations on their journeys of inquiry. In fact, journaling is now a widely practiced discipline in many forms of personal, organizational and leader- ship growth and development. We invite you to use your journal, if you already have one, to capture, learn from and develop your Conversations of Inquiry. If journaling is new to you, this could be a great opportunity to begin. In particular, as you frame, develop and mature questions for inquiry, please be invited to record the questions and their growth in your journal. 21

Exercise: Journaling Find an attractive and dedicated notebook (physical or digital) for recording your observations about your Conversations of Inquiry. If you already have a journal for broader reflection, you can use that, or create a special journal for this work. Make notes on your insights in the journal regularly as you navigate your COI’s. 22

Notes and sketches on journaling exercise 23

Exercise: Question of inquiry Frame for yourself a question you want to explore through con- versations with others. Write down your first thoughts. Then give yourself some quiet, reflective time to deepen your understand- ing. Ask yourself up to five times, “Why do I want to explore this question?” Perhaps a deeper or underlying question will occur to you. Keep a written record of the process in your journal. What is the question of inquiry as you understand it now? 24

Notes and sketches on questions of inquiry 25

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Finding and/or choosing someone to approach If you have a question of inquiry, who would be a good person to explore this with? In the context of job searches Your intended contact could be someone who z Works in an organization you want to know more about, con- nect to, get interviewed by, or work for z Is someone who has experience in an industry you are inter- ested in z Is someone who has travelled a path you would like to travel, e.g., gotten a job like the one you want, earned a qualification you want, started a company like the one you want to start z Is someone who has important influence or insight in the orga- nizations or industry of interest z Is someone in your network who has insight or experience in the field of inquiry – a mentor, coach, present or former colleague or fellow student, alumnus/alumna of your alma mater, fellow member of a professional, educational or online network z Is a trusted mentor, adviser, or friend z Has a different, unique or divergent perspective on the ques- tion of inquiry In the context of deciding next educational steps Your intended contact could be someone who z Has attended or now attends the institution you have in mind 27

z Is a current or former faculty or staff member in the institution z Advises or supports people in making educational choices and applications, like a guidance counsellor, educational adviser or consultant z Is someone who has important influence or insight in the insti- tution or educational field of your interest z As above, is someone in your network who has insight or ex- perience in the field of inquiry – a mentor, coach, present or former colleague or fellow student, alumnus/alumna of your alma mater, fellow member of a professional, educational or online network z Is a trusted mentor, adviser, or friend z Has a different, unique or divergent perspective on the ques- tion of inquiry If you are seeking simply to learn or explore Your intended contact could be someone who z Has done, achieved or attempted something related to your field of inquiry: they work in a related field, have started or run a relevant company or organization, done or published re- search, studied the area academically, regulated or overseen the field from the government, etc. z Thinks and communicates broadly about questions related – directly or indirectly – to your question of inquiry z As above, is someone in your network who has insight or ex- perience in the field of inquiry – a mentor, coach, present or former colleague or fellow student, alumnus/alumna of your alma mater, fellow member of a professional, educational or online network z Is a trusted mentor, adviser, or friend for a range of questions or issues z Has a different, unique or divergent perspective on the ques- tion of inquiry 28

List of Potential COI’s We suggest making a creative list of potential connections for COI’s. Let your list be creative and expansive. Think big, be ambi- tious. In terms of particular decisions, and in managing your own energy, insight and confidence, you may want to “start small” and work up to the “bigger fish”, but you will be well served to be cre- ative, open–minded and ambitious in your list–making. Feel free to conceive in general terms of the kind of person you want to speak to, and/or the roles they may occupy, and then to ask your coaches and mentors for help if you need it in identifying specific individuals. Keep your list in or connected to your journal. You may want to use electronic tools like a spreadsheet for dynamic updating, but the journal is a good place to record flash inspira- tions and reflections on the list itself. 29

Exercise: List of potential COI’s Make and keep a list of the people you might like to have a Con- versation of Inquiry with about your question(s) of inquiry. De- cide what is the best format in which to maintain this list. Add contacts to it regularly as they occur to you and update it to reflect the results of the COI’s you hold. 30

Notes and sketches on questions of inquiry 31

The flow of a COI Now, let’s create and follow the flow of a COI conversation itself, from clarifying the purpose, into the dialogue itself, through fol- low–up and reflection. In this context, we are considering conversations that are focused on learning and making connections. 32

What’s the purpose of your Intended COI? Some of our teachers and mentors, especially a consulting orga- nization called nowhere (www.now–here.com) have taught us to think about the intent of an interaction at four levels. nowhere calls this a PO3 exercise, that is z Purpose z Objectives z Outputs z Outcomes As you approach your conversation you may want to record notes about these four perspectives in your journal, and/or in your per- sonal record of COI’s: Purpose: What is the higher purpose behind your intended con- versation? If you already have a sense of your higher purpose or the threads of your personal inspiration, you might record rele- vant points here. For example, what kind of a career are you seek- ing to build? What service do you want to offer the world? What do you think you might want to create? What things that you love do you want to know more about or get more deeply involved with? What causes are you passionate about that this conversa- tion will inform? We should stress that these ideas about purpose or inspiration need not be fully formed, indeed they may only be in the form of questions. For example, I am curious about the kind of career I 33

want...... I have this glimpse of insight and I want to know more about ..... I have a clue that this person might be able to help me unlock a key question or remove a key obstacle. Objectives: Are there some specific things you want to know about, or a specific connection you want to make as a result of this particular conversation? Whereas Purpose touches the ele- ments of your highest intent that operate in the background of the intended conversation, objectives are more particular to the individual encounter: what do you want to achieve in this conver- sation? For example: z To learn more about the state of a particular company, indus- try, institution, or community today z To get advice about how to win a particular role at a particular organization z To learn how to prepare for an interview or an application z To meet someone inside an organization z To create a network contact in a particular context z To get referrals to others who may be useful in a particular context z To find a coach or mentor z To find a sounding board for ideas z To connect with a different perspective It can also be very important to think about the objectives that the other person may have in mind, including as possible examples z To give back in return for how others have served them in the past 34

z To contribute to the strength of a community, for example an alumni network z To learn from a person of your background, which may be quite different from theirs. For example senior, older people may want to know what younger people and students think about their organization or community or a particular topic z To find a sounding board for an idea or insight – the other per- son may be reluctant to admit to their own curiosity or to have confidence in it, but with a little encouragement, they may find this aspect of a conversation very useful. Because you may be outside their normal network, it may be “safe” for them to try out on you unusual, different, opposing or contested perspec- tives or outside-the-box ideas, ideas that they would not – or could not find space to – share with colleagues in the normal course of business z Simply to have a creative conversation, without the pressures of day–to–day demands z Simply to be kind, and to have the feeling of having helped someone else Outputs: What specific results will come from this meeting? You may not want to define these too tightly, in order to leave room for creative conversations to develop, but it may be worth hold- ing these as possibilities and focus for your intention. Note the distinction between outputs, which are highly concrete, specific results, and outcomes, which are more about states of being or qualities of relationship, as described below. For example, outputs could include: z The meeting itself may be enough to create a newly established network connection 35

z Specific ideas or actions for further research or learning – usu- ally for you, but possibly for the other person, too z A new co–creative insight that you can use or act on – one or both of you z Referrals to identified others or identified resources z A next meeting z A commitment to follow up again or reconnect after a speci- fied time period, including your own commitment to follow up with acknowledgement and thanks, to be tailored based on the results of the conversation Outcomes: How might you be changed as a result of the conver- sation? How might the other person change? What sort of rela- tionship might be created? Outcomes are “soft” results, that have more to do with how we are as people and in relationship than with specific actions or work products – those are the outputs. Examples of outcomes could include: z You are more knowledgeable about a particular topic z You feel more confident about a particular area of inquiry z You have built your skills and confidence in conducting COI’s z You have created a new relationship. What kind of relationship is it? z What sort of container have you created for and with the other person? z How did you serve each other? How might you do so in the fu- ture? z How does each of you help the other’s creative process? 36

z What have you created together? z You have been kind and appreciative to each other z You may have gently (or not so gently) been challenged, one or both of you z You may have had the experience of a connected conversation z You may have had the experience of co–creating together. What did you jointly create? 37

Exercise: Create a PO3 Create a documented record for yourself of the z Purpose z Objectives z Outputs z Outcomes for an intended Conversation of Inquiry. Create a first draft quick- ly, then give yourself time to reflect on the interrelationship of the four elements. What do you notice as you look over the result? After the COI, reflect on your PO3. What part of what you wanted or anticipated was achieved? What part not and why? What un- anticipated benefits arose? You may want to save your PO3 in your journal or keep it in a paper or electronic , perhaps with other PO3s, as preparation for your COI. 38

Purpose (link to a higher, long–term intent) ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Objectives – at a high level, what do you want to achieve in this meeting? • Intended going in • Realized Outputs – what concrete results do you want? e.g. work product, agree- ments, commitments, next meetings, next actions. • Intended going in • Realized Outcomes – what qualitative or relational movements did you want? e.g. build a relationship, build trust, secure goodwill, gain insight • Intended going in • Realized Learnings and observations ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Decisions and commitments ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Next actions ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 39

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Resistance? Fear? You might see the potential value of the learning or the connection you might gain from a particular conversation, but if you are like some of us (Scott!), and many others we know, you might resist contacting a stranger to, in effect, ask for the favor of a conversa- tion. It could seem you are asking someone out of the blue to give you some of their time and insight. This fear or resistance is natural and very common. We can offer a couple of responses or approaches to this fear. First, it’s worth tapping into what has been called the Ben Frank- lin effect. Steve Dalton, in his book The 2–Hour Job Search, shares this principle: people actually like to be asked for help! The effect is named after a story Benjamin Franklin relates in his autobiography, about how he developed a particular relationship. A story told by Benjamin Franklin. My first promotion was my being chosen, in 1736, clerk of the General Assembly. The choice was made that year without op- position; but the year following, when I was again proposed ..., a new member made a long speech against me, in order to fa- vor some other candidate. I was, however, chosen.... I ... did not like the opposition of this new member, who was a gentleman of fortune and education, with talents that were likely to give him, in time, great influence in the House, which, indeed, afterwards happened. I did not, however, aim at gaining his favor by paying any servile respect to him, but, after some time, took this other method. Having heard that he had in his library a certain very 41

scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of perusing that book, and requesting he would do me the favor of lending it to me for a few days. He sent it immediately, and I returned it in about a week with another note, expressing strongly my sense of the favor. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friend- ship continued to his death. This is another instance of the truth of an old maxim I had learned, which says, “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.” The moral of the story is that people are normally much happier to do favors for others, if asked in a kindly way, than we may ex- pect. Doing small favors for others actually gives most of us a lift, and a sense of being slightly better citizens of the world. In addition to building their sense of doing good, you may, in un- expected ways, serve the person you are contacting, perhaps by providing a sounding board for their views, or allowing them to benefit themselves by recommending you as a desirable hire or contact. Finally, as there will be clear benefit to your learning and/or your network, it is worth pushing yourself a little to the edge of your comfort zone to make these connections. Steve Dalton has com- mented that job searches become sustainable, that is, they start to have momentum, when job seekers have managed to complete three Conversations of Inquiry (“informational interviews” in his terminology). By pushing through your resistance, you will become stronger and more able to tackle challenges of this kind in the future. And, as Dalton’s comment suggests, once you get over the hurdle of engaging in these conversations a few times, your confidence is 42

likely to grow and you will have added a powerful tool to your repertoire for learning, creativity and service. Dalton offers a strategy for focusing on the most promising and welcoming connections. He encourages job seekers to divide their contacts, based on their responses, into three categories: Curmudgeons, Obligates, and Boosters. Curmudgeons won’t usu- ally respond to your overtures at all. After a couple of disciplined approaches, if no response comes back, they can be neglected. Obligates will respond grudgingly out of a sense of obligation, and are unlikely to be energetic advocates. The key, he says, to find people who genuinely want to be helpful, the Boosters. They tend to respond quickly and generously, energised by the Ben Franklin effect. By expecting some cold and tepid responses and dealing with them appropriately, you can focus your energy on the Boost- er connections where the real value will be created, and where your own energy will be met and reinforced. All of that said, you may find that fear is still a strong embodied experience. If you find it hard to push through it, seek out the help of a mentor or coach, especially one who has experience with em- bodied resistance, to help you move past the hurdle. Our experi- ence suggests that your life as a learner, creative, and servant of the greater whole is likely to be richer and deeper if you do. 43

Exercise: Working through fear Notice what fear or resistance you feel about reaching out to oth- ers to initiate COI’s, either specific ones or in general. Write your observations in your journal. Consider your fear and resistance as an objective observer, with- out judgement or pressure to change anything. Does this perspec- tive soften your resistance? Does considering the Ben Franklin effect help you to be more ready to contact others? Does noticing that you need only focus on Boosters and can ig- nore (most) Obligates and all Curmudgeons help? Does it help to be consciously willing to push your boundaries a little, for purposes of growth or to achieve your goals? Do you want to seek some support from trusted and experienced others? 44

Notes and sketches on exercise of working through fear 45

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Preparation It is worth doing a bit of preparation for your conversation, so that you have a reasonable knowledge of the background and context of your inquiry from the point of view of your contact. You want to convey the quality and sincerity of your interest, by having a reasonable knowledge of your topic beforehand. On the other hand, as Dalton suggests, one can do too much re- search. The purpose of the conversation is to ask questions and learn, not to impress your contact with your own comprehensive, existing knowledge. In this connection, too much research can have the insidious effect of encouraging you to take up too much airtime in the conversation with your own insights, and may focus you too much on what you already know, rather than what you might want to learn. A better approach might be to steep yourself in your question for a little while. What do you really want to learn? What kind of con- nection do you really want to make? What would be the ideal out- comes and outputs of the conversation? What would “good” look like for this conversation? 47

Exercise: Preparation for a COI Make some brief notes in preparation for your COI. What is your question of inquiry as you understand it now? What (briefly) do you know about the organisation or context in which you are approaching people? Remind yourself of your PO3. Has it changed or evolved? Write your reflections in your journal, or in a place and medium where you can use them in the upcoming meeting. 48