["\u201cThe\t worst.\u201d\t Adam\t shook\t his\t head.\t \u201cBut\t I\t think\t Holden\t might\t need\t it. Someone\tto\tcare\tabout,\twho\talso\tcares\tabout\thim.\u201d \u201cMalcolm,\ttoo.\tI\u2019m\tjust\t.\t.\t.\tconcerned\tthat\the\tmight\twant\tmore\tthan\tHolden is\twilling\tto\toffer?\u201d \u201cBelieve\tme,\tHolden\tis\tvery\tready\tto\tfile\ttaxes\tjointly.\u201d \u201cGood.\t I\u2019m\t glad.\u201d\t She\t smiled.\t And\t then\t felt\t her\t smile\t fade,\t just\t as\t quickly. \u201cOne-sided\trelationships\tare\treally\t.\t.\t.\tnot\tgood.\u201d\tI\twould\tknow.\tAnd\tmaybe\tyou would,\ttoo. He\tstudied\this\town\tpalm,\tundoubtedly\tthinking\tabout\tthe\twoman\tHolden\thad mentioned.\t\u201cNo.\tNo,\tthey\u2019re\tnot.\u201d It\t was\t a\t weird\t kind\t of\t ache,\t the\t jealousy.\t Confusing,\t unfamiliar,\t not something\t she\t was\t used\t to.\t Half\t cutting,\t half\t disorienting\t and\t aimless,\t so different\t from\t the\t loneliness\t she\u2019d\t felt\t since\t she\t was\t fifteen.\t Olive\t missed\t her mother\t every\t day,\t but\t with\t time\t she\u2019d\t been\t able\t to\t harness\t her\t pain\t and\t turn\t it into\tmotivation\tfor\ther\twork.\tInto\tpurpose.\tJealousy,\tthough\t.\t.\t.\tthe\tmisery\tof\tit didn\u2019t\t come\t with\t any\t gain.\t Only\t restless\t thoughts,\t and\t something\t squeezing\t at her\tchest\twhenever\ther\tmind\tturned\tto\tAdam. \u201cI\tneed\tto\task\tyou\tsomething,\u201d\the\tsaid.\tThe\tseriousness\tof\this\ttone\tmade\ther look\tup. \u201cSure.\u201d \u201cThe\tpeople\tyou\toverheard\tat\tthe\tconference\tyesterday\t.\t.\t.\u201d She\tstiffened.\t\u201cI\u2019d\trather\tnot\u2014\u201d \u201cI\twon\u2019t\tforce\tyou\tto\tdo\tanything.\tBut\twhoever\tthey\twere,\tI\twant\t.\t.\t.\tI\tthink you\tshould\tconsider\tfiling\ta\tcomplaint.\u201d Oh\tGod.\tGod.\tWas\tthis\tsome\tcruel\tjoke?\t\u201cYou\treally\tlike\tcomplaints,\tdon\u2019t you?\u201d\tShe\tlaughed\tonce,\ta\tweak\tattempt\tat\thumor. \u201cI\u2019m\t serious,\t Olive.\t And\t if\t you\t decide\t you\t want\t to\t do\t it,\t I\u2019ll\t help\t you however\t I\t can.\t I\t could\t come\t with\t you\t and\t talk\t with\t SBD\u2019s\t organizers,\t or\t we could\tgo\tthrough\tStanford\u2019s\tTitle\tIX\toffice\u2014\u201d \u201cNo.\tI\t.\t.\t.\tAdam,\tno.\tI\u2019m\tnot\tgoing\tto\tfile\ta\tcomplaint.\u201d\tShe\trubbed\ther\teyes with\t the\t tips\t of\t her\t fingers,\t feeling\t as\t though\t this\t was\t one\t giant,\t painful\t prank. Except\tthat\tAdam\thad\tno\tidea.\tHe\tactually\twanted\tto\tprotect\ther,\twhen\tall\tOlive wanted\t was\t .\t .\t .\t to\t protect\t him.\t \u201cI\u2019ve\t already\t decided.\t It\t would\t do\t more\t harm than\tgood.\u201d","\u201cI\t know\t why\t you\t think\t that.\t I\t felt\t the\t same\t during\t grad\t school,\t with\t my mentor.\tWe\tall\tdid.\tBut\tthere\tare\tways\tto\tdo\tit.\tWhoever\tthis\tperson\tis,\tthey\u2014\u201d \u201cAdam,\t I\u2014\u201d\t She\t ran\t one\t hand\t down\t her\t face.\t \u201cI\t need\t you\t to\t drop\t this. Please.\u201d He\t studied\t her,\t silent\t for\t several\t minutes,\t and\t then\t nodded.\t \u201cOkay.\t Of course.\u201d\tHe\tpushed\taway\tfrom\tthe\twall\tand\tstraightened,\tclearly\tunhappy\tto\tlet the\t subject\t go\t but\t making\t an\t effort\t to\t do\t so.\t \u201cWould\t you\t like\t to\t go\t to\t dinner? There\u2019s\ta\tMexican\trestaurant\tnearby.\tOr\tsushi\u2014real\tsushi.\tAnd\ta\tmovie\ttheater. Maybe\tthere\tare\tone\tor\ttwo\tmovies\tplaying\tin\twhich\thorses\tdon\u2019t\tdie.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tnot\t.\t.\t.\tI\u2019m\tnot\thungry,\tactually.\u201d \u201cOh.\u201d\tHis\texpression\twas\tteasing.\tGentle.\t\u201cI\tdidn\u2019t\tknow\tthat\twas\tpossible.\u201d \u201cMe\t neither.\u201d\t She\t chuckled\t weakly,\t and\t then\t forced\t herself\t to\t continue. \u201cToday\tis\tSeptember\ttwenty-ninth.\u201d A\tbeat.\tAdam\tstudied\ther,\tpatient\tand\tcurious.\t\u201cIt\tis.\u201d She\t bit\t into\t her\t lower\t lip.\t \u201cDo\t you\t know\t what\t the\t chair\t has\t decided\t about your\tfunds?\u201d \u201cOh,\tright.\tThe\tfunds\twill\tbe\tunfrozen.\u201d\tHe\tseemed\thappy,\this\teyes\tbrilliant in\tan\talmost\tboyish\tway.\tIt\tbroke\ther\theart\ta\tlittle.\t\u201cI\tmeant\tto\ttell\tyou\ttonight\tat dinner.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s\t great.\u201d\t She\t managed\t a\t smile,\t small\t and\t pitiful\t in\t her\t mounting anxiety.\t\u201cThat\u2019s\treally\tgreat,\tAdam.\tI\u2019m\thappy\tfor\tyou.\u201d \u201cMust\thave\tbeen\tyour\tsunscreen\tskills.\u201d \u201cYeah.\u201d\t Her\t laugh\t sounded\t fake.\t \u201cI\u2019ll\t have\t to\t put\t them\t on\t my\t CV.\t Fake girlfriend\t with\t extensive\t experience.\t Microsoft\t Office\t and\t excellent\t sunscreen skills.\tAvailable\timmediately,\tonly\tserious\tcallers.\u201d \u201cNot\t immediately.\u201d\t He\t looked\t at\t her\t curiously.\t Tenderly.\t \u201cNot\t for\t a\t while, I\u2019d\tsay.\u201d The\t weight,\t the\t one\t that\t had\t been\t pressing\t into\t her\t stomach\t since\t she\u2019d realized\twhat\tneeded\tto\tbe\tdone,\tsank\theavier.\tNow\u2014this\twas\tit.\tThe\tcoda.\tThe moment\tit\tall\tended.\tOlive\tcould\tdo\tthis,\tand\tshe\twould,\tand\tthings\twould\tbe\tall the\tbetter\tfor\tit. \u201cI\t think\t I\t should\t be.\u201d\t She\t swallowed,\t and\t it\t was\t like\t acid\t down\t her\t throat. \u201cAvailable.\u201d\tShe\tscanned\this\tface,\tnoticed\this\tconfusion,\tand\tclenched\ther\tfist\tin the\t hem\t of\t her\t sweater.\t \u201cWe\t gave\t ourselves\t a\t deadline,\t Adam.\t And\t we","accomplished\t everything\t we\t wanted.\t Jeremy\t and\t Anh\t are\t solid\u2014I\t doubt\t they even\t remember\t that\t Jeremy\t and\t I\t used\t to\t date.\t And\t your\t funds\t have\t been released,\twhich\tis\tamazing.\tThe\ttruth\tis\t.\t.\t.\u201d Her\t eyes\t stung.\t She\t closed\t them\t tight,\t managing\t to\t push\t the\t tears\t back. Barely. The\ttruth,\tAdam,\tis\tthat\tyour\tfriend,\tyour\tcollaborator,\ta\tperson\tyou\tclearly love\tand\tare\tclose\tto,\tis\thorrid\tand\tdespicable.\tHe\ttold\tme\tthings\tthat\tmight\tbe truths,\t or\t maybe\t lies\u2014I\t don\u2019t\t know.\t I\u2019m\t not\t sure.\t I\u2019m\t not\t sure\t of\t anything anymore,\t and\t I\t would\t love\t to\t ask\t you,\t so\t badly.\t But\t I\u2019m\t terrified\t that\t he\t might be\t right,\t and\t that\t you\t won\u2019t\t believe\t me.\t And\t I\u2019m\t even\t more\t terrified\t that\t you will\tbelieve\tme,\tand\tthat\twhat\tI\ttell\tyou\twill\tforce\tyou\tto\tgive\tup\tsomething\tthat is\t very\t important\t to\t you:\t your\t friendship\t and\t your\t work\t with\t him.\t I\u2019m\t terrified of\teverything,\tas\tyou\tcan\tsee.\tSo,\tinstead\tof\ttelling\tyou\tthat\ttruth,\tI\twill\ttell\tyou another\ttruth.\tA\ttruth\tthat,\tI\tthink,\twill\tbe\tbest\tfor\tyou.\tA\ttruth\tthat\twill\ttake\tme out\t of\t the\t equation,\t but\t will\t make\t its\t result\t better.\t Because\t I\u2019m\t starting\t to wonder\t if\t this\t is\t what\t being\t in\t love\t is.\t Being\t okay\t with\t ripping\t yourself\t to shreds,\tso\tthe\tother\tperson\tcan\tstay\twhole. She\t inhaled\t deeply.\t \u201cThe\t truth\t is,\t we\t did\t great.\t And\t it\u2019s\t time\t we\t call\t it quits.\u201d She\t could\t tell\t from\t how\t his\t lips\t parted,\t from\t his\t disoriented\t eyes\t searching hers,\t that\t he\t wasn\u2019t\t yet\t parsing\t what\t she\u2019d\t said.\t \u201cI\t don\u2019t\t think\t we\u2019ll\t need\t to explicitly\ttell\tanyone,\u201d\tshe\tcontinued.\t\u201cPeople\twon\u2019t\tsee\tus\ttogether,\tand\tafter\ta while\tthey\u2019ll\tthink\tthat\t.\t.\t.\tthat\tit\tdidn\u2019t\twork\tout.\tThat\twe\tbroke\tup.\tAnd\tmaybe you\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tThis\twas\tthe\thardest\tpart.\tBut\the\tdeserved\tto\thear\tit.\tHe\u2019d\ttold\ther\tthe same,\tafter\tall,\twhen\the\u2019d\tbelieved\ther\tin\tlove\twith\tJeremy.\t\u201cI\twish\tyou\tall\tthe best,\t Adam.\t At\t Harvard,\t and\t .\t .\t .\t with\t your\t real\t girlfriend.\t Whoever\t you\t may choose.\tI\tcannot\timagine\tanyone\tnot\treciprocating\tyour\tfeelings.\u201d She\tcould\tpinpoint\tthe\texact\tmoment\tit\tdawned\ton\thim.\tShe\tcould\ttease\tapart the\t feelings\t struggling\t in\t his\t face\u2014the\t surprise,\t the\t confusion,\t a\t hint\t of stubbornness,\t a\t split\t second\t of\t vulnerability\t that\t all\t melted\t in\t a\t blank,\t empty expression.\tThen\tshe\tcould\tsee\this\tthroat\twork. \u201cRight,\u201d\the\tsaid.\t\u201cRight.\u201d\tHe\twas\tstaring\tat\this\tshoes,\tabsolutely\tmotionless. Slowly\taccepting\ther\twords.","Olive\ttook\ta\tstep\tback\tand\trocked\ton\ther\theels.\tOutside,\tan\tiPhone\trang,\tand a\t few\t seconds\t later\t someone\t burst\t into\t laughter.\t Normal\t noises,\t on\t a\t normal day.\tNormal,\tall\tof\tthis. \u201cIt\u2019s\tfor\tthe\tbest,\u201d\tshe\tsaid,\tbecause\tthe\tsilence\tbetween\tthem\u2014that,\tshe\tjust couldn\u2019t\tstand.\t\u201cIt\u2019s\twhat\twe\tagreed\ton.\u201d \u201cWhatever\t you\t want.\u201d\t His\t voice\t was\t hoarse,\t and\t he\t seemed\t .\t .\t .\t absent. Retreated\tto\tsome\tplace\tinside\thimself.\t\u201cWhatever\tyou\tneed.\u201d \u201cI\tcan\u2019t\tthank\tyou\tenough\tfor\teverything\tyou\u2019ve\tdone\tfor\tme.\tNot\tjust\tabout Anh.\t When\t we\t met,\t I\t felt\t so\t alone,\t and\t .\t .\t .\u201d\t For\t a\t moment\t she\t couldn\u2019t continue.\t \u201cThank\t you\t for\t all\t the\t pumpkin\t spice,\t and\t for\t that\t Western\t blot,\t and for\thiding\tyour\ttaxidermied\tsquirrels\twhen\tI\tvisited,\tand\t.\t.\t.\u201d She\t couldn\u2019t\t bring\t herself\t to\t go\t on\t anymore,\t not\t without\t choking\t on\t her words.\t The\t stinging\t in\t her\t eyes\t was\t burning\t now,\t threatening\t to\t spill\t over,\t so she\t nodded\t once,\t decisively,\t a\t period\t to\t this\t dangling\t sentence\t with\t no\t end\t in sight. And\tthat\twould\thave\tbeen\tit.\tIt\twould\thave\tsurely\tbeen\tthe\tend.\tThey\twould have\t left\t it\t at\t that,\t if\t Olive\t hadn\u2019t\t passed\t him\t on\t her\t way\t to\t the\t door.\t If\t he hadn\u2019t\t reached\t out\t and\t stopped\t her\t with\t a\t hand\t on\t her\t wrist.\t If\t he\t hadn\u2019t immediately\t pulled\t that\t hand\t back\t and\t stared\t at\t it\t with\t an\t appalled\t expression, as\tif\tshocked\tthat\the\u2019d\tdared\tto\ttouch\ther\twithout\tasking\tfor\tpermission\tfirst. If\the\thadn\u2019t\tsaid,\t\u201cOlive.\tIf\tyou\tever\tneed\tanything,\tanything\tat\tall.\tAnything. Whenever.\tYou\tcan\tcome\tto\tme.\u201d\tHis\tjaw\tworked,\tlike\tthere\twere\tother\twords, words\the\twas\tkeeping\tinside.\t\u201cI\twant\tyou\tto\tcome\tto\tme.\u201d She\talmost\tdidn\u2019t\tregister\twiping\twetness\toff\ther\tcheek\twith\tthe\tback\tof\ther hand,\t or\t moving\t closer\t to\t him.\t It\t was\t his\t scent\t that\t jolted\t her\t alert\u2014soap\t and something\tdark,\tsubtle\tbut\toh\tso\tfamiliar.\tHer\tbrain\thad\thim\tmapped\tout,\tstored away\tacross\tall\tsenses.\tEyes\tto\this\talmost\tsmile,\thands\tto\this\tskin,\tthe\tsmell\tof him\tin\ther\tnostrils.\tShe\tdidn\u2019t\teven\tneed\tto\tthink\tabout\twhat\tto\tdo,\tjust\tpush\tup on\t her\t toes,\t press\t her\t fingers\t against\t his\t biceps,\t and\t kiss\t him\t gently\t on\t the cheek.\t His\t skin\t was\t soft\t and\t warm\t and\t a\t little\t prickly;\t unexpected,\t but\t not unwelcome. An\tapt\tgoodbye,\tshe\tthought.\tAppropriate.\tAcceptable. And\tso\twas\this\thand\tcoming\tup\tto\ther\tlower\tback,\tpulling\ther\tinto\this\tbody and\tstopping\ther\tfrom\tsliding\tback\ton\ther\theels,\tor\tthe\tway\this\thead\tturned,\tuntil","her\tlips\twere\tnot\tbrushing\tthe\tskin\tof\this\tcheek\tanymore.\tHer\tbreath\thitched,\ta chuff\t against\t the\t corner\t of\t his\t mouth,\t and\t for\t a\t few\t precious\t seconds\t she\t just savored\tit,\tthe\tdeep\tpleasure\tthat\tran\tthrough\tthem\tboth\tas\tthey\tclosed\ttheir\teyes and\tlet\tthemselves\tjust\tbe,\there,\twith\teach\tother. Quiet.\tStill.\tOne\tlast\tmoment. Then\tOlive\topened\ther\tmouth\tand\tturned\ther\thead,\tbreathing\tagainst\this\tlips, \u201cPlease.\u201d Adam\t groaned\t deep\t in\t his\t chest.\t But\t she\t was\t the\t one\t who\t closed\t the\t space between\tthem,\twho\tdeepened\tthe\tkiss,\twho\tcombed\ther\thands\tinto\this\thair,\tshort nails\t scraping\t against\t his\t scalp.\t She\t was\t the\t one\t who\t pulled\t him\t even\t closer, and\t he\t was\t the\t one\t who\t pushed\t her\t back\t against\t the\t wall\t and\t moaned\t into\t her mouth. It\t was\t frightening.\t Frightening,\t how\t good\t this\t felt.\t How\t easy\t it\t would\t be\t to never\t stop.\t To\t let\t time\t stretch\t and\t unbend,\t forget\t about\t everything\t else,\t and simply\tstay\tin\tthis\tmoment\tforever. But\tAdam\tpulled\tback\tfirst,\tholding\ther\teyes\tas\the\ttried\tto\tcollect\thimself. \u201cIt\twas\tgood,\twasn\u2019t\tit?\u201d\tOlive\tasked,\twith\ta\tsmall,\twistful\tsmile. She\t wasn\u2019t\t herself\t sure\t what\t she\t was\t referring\t to.\t Maybe\t his\t arms\t around her.\t Maybe\t this\t last\t kiss.\t Maybe\t everything\t else.\t The\t sunscreen,\t his\t ridiculous answers\t on\t his\t favorite\t color,\t the\t quiet\t conversations\t late\t at\t night\t .\t .\t .\t all\t of\t it had\tbeen\tso\tvery\tgood. \u201cIt\twas.\u201d\tAdam\u2019s\tvoice\tsounded\ttoo\tdeep\tto\tbe\this\town.\tWhen\the\tpressed\this lips\tagainst\ther\tforehead\tone\tlast\ttime,\tshe\tfelt\ther\tlove\tfor\thim\tswell\tfuller\tthan a\triver\tin\tflood. \u201cI\t think\t I\t should\t leave,\u201d\t she\t told\t him\t gently,\t without\t looking\t at\t him.\t He\t let her\tgo\twordlessly,\tso\tshe\tdid. When\t she\t heard\t the\t click\t of\t the\t door\t closing\t behind\t her,\t it\t was\t like\t falling from\ta\tgreat\theight.","Chapter\tNineteen \tHYPOTHESIS:\tWhen\tin\tdoubt,\tasking\ta\tfriend\twill\tsave\tmy\tass. Olive\t spent\t the\t following\t day\t in\t the\t hotel,\t sleeping,\t crying,\t and\t doing\t the\t very thing\t that\t had\t gotten\t her\t into\t this\t mess\t to\t begin\t with:\t lying.\t She\t told\t Malcolm and\t Anh\t that\t she\u2019d\t be\t busy\t with\t friends\t from\t college\t for\t the\t entire\t day,\t pulled the\t blackout\t curtains\t together,\t and\t then\t buried\t herself\t in\t her\t bed.\t Which, technically,\twas\tAdam\u2019s\tbed. She\t didn\u2019t\t let\t herself\t think\t about\t the\t situation\t too\t much.\t Something\t inside her\u2014her\theart,\tvery\tpossibly\u2014was\tbroken\tin\tseveral\tlarge\tpieces,\tnot\tshattered as\tmuch\tas\tneatly\tsnapped\tin\thalf,\tand\tthen\tin\thalf\tagain.\tAll\tshe\tcould\tdo\twas sit\t down\t amid\t the\t debris\t of\t her\t feelings\t and\t wallow.\t Sleeping\t through\t most\t of the\t day\t helped\t dull\t the\t pain\t a\t great\t deal.\t Numb,\t she\t was\t rapidly\t starting\t to realize,\twas\tgood. She\t lied\t the\t day\t after,\t too.\t Feigned\t a\t last-minute\t request\t from\t Dr.\t Aslan when\tasked\tto\tjoin\ther\tfriends\tat\tthe\tconference\tor\ton\texcursions\taround\tBoston, and\t then\t took\t a\t deep,\t fortifying\t breath.\t She\t drew\t the\t curtains\t open,\t forced\t her blood\t to\t start\t flowing\t again\t (with\t fifty\t crunches,\t fifty\t jumping\t jacks,\t and\t fifty push-ups,\tthough\tshe\tcheated\ton\tthe\tlast\tby\tgoing\ton\ther\tknees),\tthen\tshowered and\tbrushed\ther\tteeth\tfor\tthe\tfirst\ttime\tin\tthirty-six\thours. It\twasn\u2019t\teasy.\tSeeing\tAdam\u2019s\tBiology\tNinja\tT-shirt\tin\tthe\tmirror\tmade\ther tear\t up,\t but\t she\t reminded\t herself\t that\t she\u2019d\t made\t her\t choice.\t She\u2019d\t decided\t to put\tAdam\u2019s\twell-being\tfirst,\tand\tshe\tdidn\u2019t\tregret\tit.\tBut\tshe\u2019d\tbe\tdamned\tif\tshe let\tTom\tFucking\tBenton\ttake\tcredit\tfor\ta\tproject\tshe\thad\tworked\ton\tfor\tyears.\tA project\t that\t meant\t the\t world\t to\t her.\t Maybe\t her\t life\t was\t nothing\t but\t a\t little\t sob story,\tbut\tit\twas\ther\tlittle\tsob\tstory.","Her\theart\tmay\tbe\tbroken,\tbut\ther\tbrain\twas\tdoing\tjust\tfine. Adam\t had\t said\t that\t the\t reason\t most\t professors\t hadn\u2019t\t bothered\t to\t reply, perhaps\t even\t read\t her\t email,\t was\t that\t she\t was\t a\t student.\t So\t she\t followed\t his advice:\t she\t emailed\t Dr.\t Aslan\t and\t asked\t her\t to\t introduce\t Olive\t to\t all\t the researchers\t she\u2019d\t previously\t contacted,\t plus\t the\t two\t people\t who\u2019d\t been\t on\t her panel\tand\thad\tshown\tinterest\tin\ther\twork.\tDr.\tAslan\twas\tclose\tto\tretirement,\tand had\tmore\tor\tless\tgiven\tup\ton\tproducing\tscience,\tbut\tshe\twas\tstill\ta\tfull\tprofessor at\tStanford.\tIt\thad\tto\tmean\tsomething. Then\t Olive\t googled\t extensively\t about\t research\t ethics,\t plagiarism,\t and\t theft of\t ideas.\t The\t issue\t was\t a\t little\t murky,\t given\t that\t Olive\t had\u2014quite\t recklessly, she\tnow\trealized\u2014described\tall\ther\tprotocols\tin\tdetail\tin\ther\treport\tfor\tTom.\tBut once\t she\t began\t examining\t the\t situation\t with\t a\t clearer\t head,\t she\t decided\t that\t it wasn\u2019t\t as\t dire\t as\t she\u2019d\t initially\t thought.\t The\t report\t she\u2019d\t written,\t after\t all,\t was well-structured\t and\t thorough.\t With\t a\t few\t tweaks\t she\t could\t turn\t it\t into\t a scholarly\t publication.\t It\t would\t hopefully\t go\t quickly\t through\t peer\t review,\t and the\tfindings\twould\tbe\tcredited\tunder\ther\tname. What\t she\t decided\t to\t focus\t on\t was\t that\t despite\t all\t his\t insults\t and\t rude comments,\t Tom,\t one\t of\t the\t top\t cancer\t researchers\t in\t the\t United\t States,\t had expressed\t interest\t in\t stealing\t her\t research\t ideas.\t She\t took\t it\t as\t a\t very,\t very backhanded\tcompliment. She\t spent\t the\t next\t several\t hours\t carefully\t avoiding\t thoughts\t of\t Adam\t and instead\t researching\t other\t potential\t scientists\t who\t might\t be\t able\t to\t support\t her the\t following\t year.\t It\t was\t a\t long\t shot,\t but\t she\t had\t to\t try.\t When\t someone knocked\ton\ther\tdoor,\tit\twas\talready\tthe\tmiddle\tof\tthe\tafternoon,\tand\tshe\u2019d\tadded three\t new\t names\t to\t her\t list.\t She\t quickly\t put\t on\t clothes\t to\t answer,\t expecting housekeeping.\t When\t Anh\t and\t Malcolm\t stormed\t inside,\t she\t cursed\t herself\t for never\tchecking\tthe\tpeephole.\tShe\ttruly\tdeserved\tto\tbe\taxed\tby\ta\tserial\tkiller. \u201cOkay,\u201d\t Anh\t said,\t throwing\t herself\t onto\t Olive\u2019s\t still-made\t bed,\t \u201cyou\t have two\tsentences\tto\tconvince\tme\tthat\tI\tshouldn\u2019t\tbe\tmad\tat\tyou\tfor\tforgetting\tto\task how\tmy\toutreach\tevent\twent.\u201d \u201cShit!\u201d\tOlive\t covered\t her\t mouth\t with\t her\t hand.\t \u201cI\t am\t so\t sorry.\t How\t did\t it go?\u201d \u201cPerfect.\u201d\t Anh\u2019s\t eyes\t were\t shiny\t with\t happiness.\t \u201cWe\t had\t such\t great attendance\tand\teveryone\tloved\tit.\tWe\u2019re\tthinking\tof\tmaking\tthis\ta\tyearly\tthing,","and\t formally\t establishing\t an\t organization.\t Peer-to-peer\t mentoring!\t Hear\t this: every\t grad\t is\t assigned\t two\t undergrads.\t Once\t they\t get\t into\t grad\t school,\t they mentor\t two\t more\t undergrads\t each.\t And\t in\t ten\t years\t we\t take\t over\t the\t entire damn\tworld.\u201d Olive\tlooked\tat\ther,\tspeechless.\t\u201cThis\tis\t.\t.\t.\tyou\u2019re\tamazing.\u201d \u201cI\tam,\taren\u2019t\tI?\tOkay,\tnow\u2019s\tyour\tturn\tto\tgrovel.\tAaand,\tgo.\u201d Olive\topened\ther\tmouth,\tbut\tfor\ta\tlong\ttime\tnothing\treally\tcame\tout.\t\u201cI\tdon\u2019t really\thave\tan\texcuse.\tI\twas\tjust\tbusy\twith\t.\t.\t.\tsomething\tDr.\tAslan\tasked\tme\tto finish.\u201d \u201cThis\t is\t ridiculous.\t You\t are\t in\t Boston.\t You\t should\t be\t out\t there\t in\t an\t Irish pub\t pretending\t you\t love\t the\t Red\t Sox\t and\t eating\t Dunkies,\t not\t doing\t work.\t For your\tboss.\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re\ttechnically\there\tfor\ta\twork\tconference,\u201d\tOlive\tpointed\tout. \u201cConference\tshmonference.\u201d\tMalcolm\tjoined\tAnh\ton\tthe\tbed. \u201cCan\twe\tplease\tgo\tout,\tthe\tthree\tof\tus?\u201d\tAnh\tbegged.\t\u201cLet\u2019s\tdo\tthe\tFreedom Trail.\tWith\tice\tcream.\tAnd\tbeer.\u201d \u201cWhere\u2019s\tJeremy?\u201d \u201cPresenting\this\tposter.\tAnd\tI\u2019m\tbored.\u201d\tAnh\u2019s\tgrin\twas\timpish. Olive\t was\t not\t in\t the\t mood\t for\t socializing,\t or\t beer,\t or\t freedom\t trails,\t but\t at some\tpoint\tshe\twas\tgoing\tto\thave\tto\tlearn\tto\tproductively\tnavigate\tsociety\twith a\tbroken\theart. She\tsmiled\tand\tsaid,\t\u201cLet\tme\tcheck\tmy\temail,\tand\tthen\twe\tcan\tgo.\u201d\tShe\thad, inexplicably,\t accumulated\t about\t fifteen\t messages\t in\t the\t thirty\t minutes\t since she\u2019d\tlast\tchecked,\tonly\tone\tof\twhich\twasn\u2019t\tspam. Today,\t3:11\tp.m. FROM:\[email protected] TO:\[email protected] SUBJECT:\tReaching\tout\tto\tresearchers\tfor\tpancreatic\tcancer\tproject Olive, I\u2019d\tbe\thappy\tto\tintroduce\tyou\tand\task\tscholars\tabout\topportunities\tfor\tyou\tin\ttheir\tlabs.\tI agree\tthat\tthey\tmight\tbe\tmore\twelcoming\tif\tthe\temail\tcomes\tfrom\tme.\tSend\tme\tyour\tlist, please. BTW,\tyou\tstill\thaven\u2019t\tsent\tthe\trecording\tof\tyour\ttalk.\tI\tcannot\twait\tto\tlisten\tto\tit! Warmly, Aysegul\tAslan,\tPh.D.","Aysegul\tAslan,\tPh.D. Olive\tdid\tsome\tmental\tcalculations\tto\tdetermine\twhether\tit\twas\tpolite\tto\tsend the\tlist\tand\tnot\tthe\trecording\t(probably\tnot),\tsighed,\tand\tstarted\tAirDropping\tthe file\t to\t her\t laptop.\t When\t she\t realized\t that\t it\t was\t several\t hours\t long,\t because she\u2019d\t forgotten\t to\t stop\t her\t phone\t after\t her\t talk,\t her\t sigh\t morphed\t into\t a\t groan. \u201cThis\u2019ll\ttake\ta\twhile,\tguys.\tI\thave\tto\tsend\tDr.\tAslan\tan\taudio\tfile,\tand\tI\u2019ll\tneed to\tedit\tit\tbeforehand.\u201d \u201cFine,\u201d\t Anh\t huffed.\t \u201cMalcolm,\t would\t you\t like\t to\t entertain\t us\t with\t tales\t of your\tdate\twith\tHolden?\u201d \u201cOkay,\tfirst,\the\twore\tthe\tcutest\tbaby-blue\tbutton-down.\u201d \u201cBaby-blue?\u201d \u201cShut\tyour\tmouth\twith\tthat\tskeptical\ttone.\tThen\the\tgot\tme\tone\tflower.\u201d \u201cWhere\tdid\the\tget\tthe\tflower?\u201d \u201cNot\tsure.\u201d Olive\t poked\t around\t the\t MP3,\t trying\t to\t figure\t out\t where\t to\t cut\t the\t file.\t The ending\t was\t just\t minute\t after\t minute\t of\t silence,\t from\t when\t she\u2019d\t left\t her\t phone in\tthe\thotel\troom.\t\u201cMaybe\the\tstole\tit\tfrom\tthe\tbuffet?\u201d\tshe\tsaid\tabsentmindedly. \u201cI\tthink\tI\tsaw\tpink\tcarnations\tdownstairs.\u201d \u201cWas\tit\ta\tpink\tcarnation?\u201d \u201cMaybe.\u201d Anh\tcackled.\t\u201cAnd\tthey\tsay\tromance\tis\tdead.\u201d \u201cShut\t up.\t Then,\t toward\t the\t beginning\t of\t the\t date,\t something\t happened. Something\tcatastrophic\tthat\tcould\tonly\tever\thappen\tto\tme,\tgiven\tthat\tmy\tentire damn\tfamily\tis\tobsessed\twith\tscience\tand,\ttherefore,\tattends\tall\tthe\tconferences. All\tof\tthem.\u201d \u201cNo.\tTell\tme\tyou\tdidn\u2019t\u2014\u201d \u201cYes.\tWhen\twe\tgot\tto\tthe\trestaurant,\twe\tfound\tmy\tmother,\tfather,\tuncle,\tand grandfather.\t Who\t insisted\t on\t us\t joining\t them.\t Which\t means\t that\t my\t first\t date with\tHolden\twas\ta\tfreaking\tThanksgiving\tdinner.\u201d Olive\t looked\t up\t from\t her\t laptop\t and\t shared\t an\t appalled\t look\t with\t Anh. \u201cHow\tbad\twas\tit?\u201d \u201cFunny\tthat\tyou\task,\tbecause\tit\tis\twith\tthe\tutmost\tdisconcert\tthat\tI\tmust\tsay: it\twas\tfucking\tspectacular.\tThey\tloved\thim\u2014because\the\u2019s\ta\tbadass\tscientist\tand because\the\tis\tsmoother\tthan\tan\torganic\tsmoothie\u2014and\tin\tthe\tspan\tof\ttwo\thours","he\tsomehow\tmanaged\tto\thelp\tme\tconvince\tmy\tparents\tthat\tmy\tplan\tof\tbeing\tan industry\tscientist\tis\tbomb.\tI\u2019m\tnot\tkidding\u2014this\tmorning\tmy\tmother\tcalled\tand was\t all\t about\t how\t I\t have\t grown\t as\t a\t person\t and\t am\t finally\t in\t control\t of\t my future\tand\thow\tmy\tdating\tchoices\treflect\tthat.\tShe\tsaid\tthat\tDad\tagrees.\tCan\tyou believe\t it?\t Anyway.\t After\t dinner\t we\t got\t ice\t cream\t and\t then\t we\t went\t back\t to Holden\u2019s\thotel\troom\tand\tsixty-nined\tlike\tthe\tworld\twas\tabout\tto\tend\u2014\u201d \u201cA\t girl\t like\t you.\t Who\t figured\t out\t so\t early\t in\t her\t academic\t career\t that fucking\twell-known,\tsuccessful\tscholars\tis\thow\tto\tget\tahead.\tYou\tfucked\tAdam, didn\u2019t\tyou?\tWe\tboth\tknow\tyou\u2019re\tgoing\tto\tfuck\tme\tfor\tthe\tsame\treas\u2014\u201d Olive\t slammed\t the\t spacebar,\t immediately\t stopping\t the\t replay\t of\t the recording.\tHer\theart\twas\tpounding\tin\ther\tchest\u2014first\tfrom\tconfusion,\tthen\tfrom the\t realization\t of\t what\t she\u2019d\t inadvertently\t recorded,\t and\t finally\t from\t anger\t at hearing\t the\t words\t again.\t She\t brought\t a\t trembling\t hand\t to\t her\t lips,\t trying\t to purge\tTom\u2019s\tvoice\tfrom\ther\thead.\tShe\thad\tspent\ttwo\tdays\ttrying\tto\trecover,\tand now\u2014 \u201cThe\thell\twas\tthat?\u201d\tMalcolm\tasked. \u201cOl?\u201d\tAnh\u2019s\ttentative\tvoice\treminded\ther\tthat\tshe\twas\tnot\talone\tin\tthe\troom. She\t looked\t up\t and\t found\t that\t her\t friends\t had\t sat\t up.\t They\t were\t staring\t at\t her, wide-eyed\twith\tconcern\tand\tshock. Olive\tshook\ther\thead.\tShe\tdidn\u2019t\twant\tto\u2014no,\tshe\tdidn\u2019t\thave\tthe\tstrength\tto explain.\t\u201cNothing.\tJust\t.\t.\t.\u201d \u201cI\t recognize\t it,\u201d\t Anh\t said,\t coming\t to\t sit\t next\t to\t her.\t \u201cI\t recognize\t the\t voice. From\tthat\ttalk\twe\twent\tto.\u201d\tShe\tpaused,\tsearching\tOlive\u2019s\teyes.\t\u201cThat\twas\tTom Benton,\twasn\u2019t\tit?\u201d \u201cWhat\t the\u2014\u201d\t Malcolm\t stood.\t There\t was\t real\t alarm\t blooming\t in\t his\t voice. Anger,\t too.\t \u201cOl,\t why\t do\t you\t have\t a\t recording\t of\t Tom\t Benton\t saying\t shit\t like that?\tWhat\thappened?\u201d Olive\tlooked\tup\tat\thim,\tthen\tat\tAnh,\tthen\tat\thim\tagain.\tThey\twere\tstudying her\twith\tworried,\tincredulous\texpressions.\tAnh\tmust\thave\ttaken\tOlive\u2019s\thand\tat some\tpoint.\tShe\ttold\therself\tthat\tshe\tneeded\tto\tbe\tstrong,\tto\tbe\tpragmatic,\tto\tbe numb,\tbut\t.\t.\t. \u201cI\tjust\t.\t.\t.\u201d She\t tried.\t She\t really\t did\t try.\t But\t her\t face\t crumpled,\t and\t the\t last\t few\t days crashed\tand\tburned\tinto\ther.\tOlive\tleaned\tforward,\tburied\ther\thead\tin\tAnh\u2019s\tlap,","and\tlet\therself\tburst\tinto\ttears. \u2014 OLIVE\t HAD\t NO\t intention\t of\t hearing\t Tom\t spout\t his\t poison\t again,\t so\t she\t gave\t her friends\ther\theadphones,\twent\tto\tthe\tbathroom,\tand\tlet\tthe\tfaucet\trun\tuntil\tthey\u2019d finished\t listening.\t It\t took\t less\t than\t ten\t minutes,\t but\t she\t sobbed\t throughout. When\t Malcolm\t and\t Anh\t came\t in,\t they\t sat\t next\t to\t her\t on\t the\t floor.\t Anh\t was crying,\ttoo,\tfat,\tangry\tdrops\tsliding\tdown\ther\tcheeks. At\tleast\tthere\u2019s\ta\tbathtub\twe\tcan\tflood,\tOlive\tthought\twhile\thanding\ther\tthe toilet\tpaper\troll\tshe\u2019d\tbeen\thoarding. \u201cHe\u2019s\t the\t most\t disgusting,\t detestable,\t shameful,\t disgraceful\t human\t being,\u201d Malcolm\t said.\t \u201cI\t hope\t he\t has\t explosive\t diarrhea\t as\t we\t speak.\t I\t hope\t he\t gets genital\t warts.\t I\t hope\t he\t has\t to\t live\t saddled\t by\t the\t largest,\t most\t painful hemorrhoid\tin\tthe\tuniverse.\tI\thope\the\u2014\u201d Anh\tinterrupted\thim.\t\u201cDoes\tAdam\tknow?\u201d Olive\tshook\ther\thead. \u201cYou\t need\t to\t tell\t him.\t And\t then\t the\t two\t of\t you\t need\t to\t report\t Benton\u2019s\t ass and\tget\thim\tkicked\tout\tof\tacademia.\u201d \u201cNo,\tI\t.\t.\t.\tI\tcan\u2019t.\u201d \u201cOl,\t listen\t to\t me.\t What\t Tom\t said\t is\t sexual\t harassment.\t There\t is\t no\t way Adam\twouldn\u2019t\tbelieve\tyou\u2014not\tto\tmention\tthat\tyou\thave\ta\trecording.\u201d \u201cIt\tdoesn\u2019t\tmatter.\u201d \u201cOf\tcourse\tit\tdoes!\u201d Olive\t wiped\t her\t cheeks\t with\t her\t palms.\t \u201cIf\t I\t tell\t Adam,\t he\u2019s\t not\t going\t to want\tto\tcollaborate\twith\tTom\tanymore,\tand\tthe\tproject\tthey\u2019re\tworking\ton\tis\ttoo important\t to\t him.\t Not\t to\t mention\t that\t he\t wants\t to\t move\t to\t Harvard\t next\t year, and\u2014\u201d Anh\tsnorted.\t\u201cNo,\the\tdoesn\u2019t.\u201d \u201cYes.\tHe\ttold\tme\tthat\u2014\u201d \u201cOl,\tI\u2019ve\tseen\tthe\tway\the\tlooks\tat\tyou.\tHe\u2019s\thead\tover\tfeet.\tThere\tis\tno\tway he\u2019ll\t want\t to\t move\t to\t Boston\t if\t you\u2019re\t not\t going\u2014and\t I\u2019m\t sure\t as\t hell\t not letting\t you\t go\t work\t for\t this\t dipshit\t .\t .\t .\t What?\u201d\t Her\t eyes\t darted\t from\t Olive\t to Malcolm,\t who\t were\t exchanging\t a\t long\t glance.\t \u201cWhy\t are\t you\t guys\t looking\t at each\tother\tlike\tthat?\tAnd\twhy\tare\tyou\tmaking\tyour\tinside-joke\tfaces?\u201d","Malcolm\tsighed,\tpinching\tthe\tbridge\tof\this\tnose.\t\u201cOkay\tAnh,\tlisten\tcarefully. And\t before\t you\t ask\u2014no,\t I\u2019m\t not\t making\t this\t up.\t This\t is\t real\t life.\u201d\t He\t took\t a deep\t breath\t before\t starting.\t \u201cCarlsen\t and\t Olive\t never\t dated.\t They\t pretended\t so you\u2019d\t believe\t that\t Olive\t wasn\u2019t\t into\t Jeremy\t anymore\u2014which\t she\t never\t was\t in the\t first\t place.\t Not\t sure\t what\t Carlsen\t was\t getting\t out\t of\t the\t arrangement,\t I forgot\t to\t ask.\t But\t halfway\t through\t the\t fake-dating\t Olive\t caught\t feelings\t for Carlsen,\t proceeded\t to\t lie\t to\t him\t about\t it,\t and\t pretended\t to\t be\t in\t love\t with someone\telse.\tBut\tthen\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tHe\tgave\tOlive\ta\tside\tglance.\t\u201cWell.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\twant\tto be\t nosy,\t but\t judging\t from\t the\t fact\t that\t the\t other\t day\t only\t one\t bed\t in\t this\t hotel room\t was\t unmade,\t I\u2019m\t pretty\t sure\t there\t have\t been\t some\t .\t .\t .\t recent developments.\u201d It\t was\t so\t painfully\t accurate,\t Olive\t had\t to\t bury\t her\t face\t in\t her\t knees.\t Just\t in time\tto\thear\tAnh\tsay,\t\u201cThis\tis\tnot\treal\tlife.\u201d \u201cIt\tis.\u201d \u201cNuh-uh.\t This\t is\t a\t Hallmark\t movie.\t Or\t a\t poorly\t written\t young\t adult\t novel. That\twill\tnot\tsell\twell.\tOlive,\ttell\tMalcolm\tto\tkeep\this\tday\tjob,\the\u2019ll\tnever\tmake it\tas\ta\twriter.\u201d Olive\t made\t herself\t look\t up,\t and\t Anh\u2019s\t frown\t was\t the\t deepest\t she\u2019d\t ever seen.\t\u201cIt\u2019s\ttrue,\tAnh.\tI\tam\tso\tsorry\tI\tlied\tto\tyou.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\twant\tto,\tbut\u2014\u201d \u201cYou\tfake-dated\tAdam\tCarlsen?\u201d Olive\tnodded. \u201cGod,\tI\tknew\tthat\tkiss\twas\tweird.\u201d She\tlifted\ther\thands\tdefensively.\t\u201cAnh,\tI\u2019m\tsorry\u2014\u201d \u201cYou\tfake-dated\tAdam.\tFucking.\tCarlsen?\u201d \u201cIt\tseemed\tlike\ta\tgood\tidea,\tand\u2014\u201d \u201cBut\tI\tsaw\tyou\tkiss\thim!\tIn\tthe\tbiology\tbuilding\tparking\tlot!\u201d \u201cOnly\tbecause\tyou\tforced\tme\tto\u2014\u201d \u201cBut\tyou\tsat\ton\this\tlap!\u201d \u201cOnce\tagain,\tyou\tforced\tme\tto\u2014not\tthe\tcoolest\tmoment\tin\tour\tfriendship,\tby the\tway\u2014\u201d \u201cBut\tyou\tput\tsunscreen\ton\thim!\tIn\tfront\tof\tat\tleast\tone\thundred\tpeople!\u201d \u201cOnly\tbecause\tsomeone\tput\tme\tup\tto\tit.\tDo\tyou\tsense\ta\tpattern?\u201d Anh\tshook\ther\thead,\tas\tif\tsuddenly\tappalled\tat\ther\town\tactions.\t\u201cI\tjust\u2014you guys\t looked\t so\t good\t together!\t It\t was\t so\t obvious\t from\t the\t way\t Adam\t stared\t at","you\t that\t he\t was\t wild\t about\t you.\t And\t the\t opposite\u2014you\t looked\t at\t him\t like\t he was\t the\t only\t guy\t on\t earth\t and\t then\u2014it\t always\t seemed\t like\t you\t were\t forcing yourself\tto\thold\tback\ton\thim,\tand\tI\twanted\tyou\tto\tknow\tthat\tyou\tcould\texpress your\t feelings\t if\t you\t wanted\t to\u2014I\t really\t thought\t I\t was\t helping\t you,\t and\u2014you fake-dated\tAdam\tCarlsen?\u201d Olive\tsighed.\t\u201cListen,\tI\u2019m\tsorry\tI\tlied.\tPlease,\tdon\u2019t\thate\tme,\tI\u2014\u201d \u201cI\tdon\u2019t\thate\tyou.\u201d Oh?\t\u201cYou\t.\t.\t.\tdon\u2019t?\u201d \u201cOf\t course\t not.\u201d\t Anh\t was\t indignant.\t \u201cI\t low-key\t hate\t myself\t for\t forcing\t you to\t do\t all\t that\t stuff.\t Well,\t maybe\t not\t \u2018hate,\u2019\t but\t I\u2019d\t write\t myself\t a\t strongly worded\temail.\tAnd\tI\u2019m\tincredibly\tflattered\tthat\tyou\u2019d\tdo\tsomething\tlike\tthat\tfor me.\t I\t mean,\t it\t was\t misguided,\t and\t ridiculous,\t and\t needlessly\t convoluted,\t and you\u2019re\ta\tliving,\tbreathing,\trom-com\ttrope\tmachine,\tand\t.\t.\t.\tGod,\tOl,\tyou\u2019re\tsuch an\t idiot.\t But\t a\t very\t lovable\t idiot,\t and\t my\t idiot.\u201d\t She\t shook\t her\t head, incredulous,\t but\t squeezed\t her\t hand\t on\t Olive\u2019s\t knee\t and\t glanced\t at\t Malcolm. \u201cWait.\tIs\tyour\tthing\twith\tRodrigues\treal?\tOr\tare\tyou\ttwo\tpretending\tto\tbone\tso\ta judge\twill\tgive\thim\tcustody\tof\this\trecently\torphaned\tgodchildren?\u201d \u201cVery\treal.\u201d\tMalcolm\u2019s\tsmile\twas\tsmug.\t\u201cWe\tfuck\tlike\tbunnies.\u201d \u201cFantastic.\t Well,\t Ol,\t we\u2019ll\t talk\t about\t this\t more.\t A\t lot\t more.\t We\u2019ll\t probably only\t talk\t about\t the\t greatest\t fake-dating\t event\t of\t the\t twenty-first\t century\t for millennia\t to\t come,\t but\t for\t now\t we\t should\t focus\t on\t Tom,\t and\t .\t .\t .\t it\t changes nothing,\twhether\tyou\tand\tAdam\tare\ttogether.\tI\tstill\tthink\the\u2019d\twant\tto\tknow.\tI\u2019d want\tto\tknow.\tOl,\tif\tthe\tsituation\twere\tinverted,\tif\tyou\twere\tthe\tone\twho\tstood to\tlose\tsomething\tand\tAdam\thad\tbeen\tsexually\tharassed\u2014\u201d \u201cI\thaven\u2019t.\u201d \u201cYes,\t Ol,\t you\t have.\u201d\t Anh\u2019s\t eyes\t were\t earnest,\t burning\t into\t hers,\t and\t it occurred\t to\t Olive\t then,\t the\t enormity\t of\t what\t had\t happened.\t Of\t what\t Tom\t had done. She\ttook\ta\tshuddering\tbreath.\t\u201cIf\tthe\tsituation\twere\tinverted,\tI\twould\twant\tto know.\tBut\tit\u2019s\tdifferent.\u201d \u201cWhy\tis\tit\tdifferent?\u201d Because\t I\u2019m\t in\t love\t with\t Adam.\t And\t he\u2019s\t not\t in\t love\t with\t me.\t Olive massaged\t her\t temples,\t trying\t to\t think\t against\t the\t mounting\t headache.\t \u201cI\t don\u2019t want\t to\t take\t something\t he\t loves\t away\t from\t him.\t Adam\t respects\t and\t admires","Tom,\tand\tI\tknow\tTom\u2019s\thad\tAdam\u2019s\tback\tin\tthe\tpast.\tMaybe\the\u2019s\tbetter\toff\tnot knowing.\u201d \u201cIf\t only\t there\t were\t a\t way\t to\t find\t out\t what\t Adam\t would\t prefer,\u201d\t Malcolm said. Olive\tsniffled\tin\tresponse.\t\u201cYeah.\u201d \u201cIf\tonly\tthere\twere\tsomeone\twho\tknows\tAdam\tvery\twell\tthat\twe\tmight\task,\u201d Malcolm\tsaid,\tlouder\tthis\ttime. \u201cYeah,\u201d\tAnh\trepeated,\t\u201cthat\twould\tbe\tgreat.\tBut\tthere\tisn\u2019t,\tso\u2014\u201d \u201cIf\tonly\tthere\twere\tsomeone\tin\tthis\troom\twho\trecently\tstarted\tdating\tAdam\u2019s closest\t friend\t of\t nearly\t three\t decades,\u201d\t Malcolm\t near-yelled,\t full\t of\t passive- aggressive\tindignity,\tand\tAnh\tand\tOlive\texchanged\ta\twide-eyed\tlook. \u201cHolden!\u201d \u201cYou\tcould\task\tHolden\tfor\tadvice!\u201d Malcolm\thuffed.\t\u201cYou\ttwo\tcan\tbe\tso\tsmart\tand\tyet\tso\tslow.\u201d Olive\tsuddenly\trecalled\tsomething.\t\u201cHolden\thates\tTom.\u201d \u201cUh?\tWhy\tdoes\the\thate\thim?\u201d \u201cI\t don\u2019t\t know.\u201d\t She\t shrugged.\t \u201cAdam\t wrote\t it\t off\t as\t some\t odd\t personality quirk\tof\tHolden\u2019s,\tbut\u2014\u201d \u201cHey.\tMy\tman\u2019s\tpersonality\tis\tperfect.\u201d \u201cMaybe\tthere\tis\tsomething\telse?\u201d Anh\tnodded\tenergetically.\t\u201cMalcolm,\twhere\tcan\tOlive\tfind\tHolden\tright\tthis minute?\u201d \u201cI\tdon\u2019t\tknow.\tBut\u201d\u2014he\ttapped\this\tphone\twith\ta\tsmug\tsmile\u2014\u201cI\thappen\tto have\this\tnumber\tright\there.\u201d \u2014 HOLDEN\t(OR\tHOLDEN\tBubbleButt,\tas\tMalcolm\thad\tsaved\thim\tin\this\tcontacts)\twas just\t finishing\t up\t his\t talk.\t Olive\t caught\t the\t last\t five\t minutes\t of\t it\u2014something about\t crystallography\t she\t neither\t understood\t nor\t wanted\t to\u2014and\t was\t totally unsurprised\t by\t how\t smooth\t and\t charismatic\t a\t speaker\t he\t was.\t She\t approached him\ton\tthe\tpodium\tonce\the\twas\tdone\tanswering\tquestions,\tand\the\tsmiled\twhen he\tnoticed\ther\twalk\tup\tthe\tstairs,\tseeming\tgenuinely\thappy\tto\tsee\ther. \u201cOlive.\tMy\tnew\troommate-in-law!\u201d","\u201cRight.\tYes.\tUm,\tgreat\ttalk.\u201d\tShe\tordered\therself\tto\tstop\twringing\ther\thands. \u201cI\twanted\tto\task\tyou\ta\tquestion\t.\t.\t.\u201d \u201cIs\t it\t about\t the\t nucleic\t acids\t in\t the\t fourth\t slide?\t Because\t I\t totally\t BS\u2019d\t my way\t through\t them.\t My\t Ph.D.\t student\t made\t the\t figure,\t and\t she\u2019s\t way\t smarter than\tme.\u201d \u201cNo.\tThe\tquestion\tis\tabout\tAdam\u2014\u201d Holden\u2019s\texpression\tbrightened. \u201cWell,\tactually,\tit\u2019s\tabout\tTom\tBenton.\u201d It\tdarkened\tjust\tas\tquickly.\t\u201cWhat\tabout\tTom?\u201d Right.\tWhat\tabout\tTom,\tprecisely?\tOlive\twasn\u2019t\tquite\tsure\thow\tto\tapproach the\t topic.\t She\t wasn\u2019t\t even\t sure\t what\t she\t meant\t to\t ask.\t Sure,\t she\t could\t have barfed\tup\ther\tentire\tlife\tstory\tfor\tHolden\tand\tbegged\thim\tto\tfix\tthis\tmess\tfor\ther, but\tsomehow\tit\tdidn\u2019t\tseem\tlike\ta\tgood\tidea.\tShe\tracked\ther\tbrain\tfor\ta\tmoment, and\t then\t landed\t on:\t \u201cDid\t you\t know\t that\t Adam\t is\t thinking\t about\t moving\t to Boston?\u201d \u201cYeah.\u201d\t Holden\t rolled\t his\t eyes\t and\t pointed\t at\t the\t tall\t windows.\t There\t were large,\t ominous\t clouds\t threatening\t to\t explode\t with\t torrential\t rain.\t The\t wind, already\t chilly\t in\t September,\t was\t shaking\t a\t lonely\t hickory\t tree.\t \u201cWho\t wouldn\u2019t want\tto\tmove\there\tfrom\tCalifornia?\u201d\the\tscoffed. Olive\tliked\tthe\tidea\tof\tseasons,\tbut\tshe\tkept\tthe\tthought\tto\therself.\t\u201cDo\tyou think\t.\t.\t.\tDo\tyou\tthink\the\u2019d\tbe\thappy\there?\u201d Holden\tstudied\ther\tintensely\tfor\ta\tminute.\t\u201cYou\tknow,\tyou\twere\talready\tmy favorite\tgirlfriend\tof\tAdam\u2019s\u2014not\tthat\tthere\twere\tmany;\tyou\u2019re\tthe\tonly\twoman who\t could\t compete\t with\t computational\t modeling\t in\t about\t a\t decade\u2014but\t that question\twins\tyou\ta\tlifelong\tnumber-one\tplaque.\u201d\tHe\tpondered\tthe\tmatter\tfor\ta minute.\t \u201cI\t think\t Adam\t could\t be\t happy\t here\u2014in\t his\t own\t way,\t of\t course. Broodingly,\t unenthusiastically\t happy.\t But\t yes,\t happy.\t Provided\t that\t you\t are here,\ttoo.\u201d Olive\thad\tto\tstop\therself\tfrom\tsnorting. \u201cProvided\tthat\tTom\tbehaves.\u201d \u201cWhy\t do\t you\t say\t that?\t About\t Tom?\t I\t .\t .\t .\t I\t don\u2019t\t mean\t to\t pry,\t but\t you\t told me\tto\twatch\tmy\tback\twith\thim\tin\tStanford.\tYou\t.\t.\t.\tdon\u2019t\tlike\thim?\u201d He\tsighed.\t\u201cIt\u2019s\tnot\tthat\tI\tdon\u2019t\tlike\thim\u2014even\tthough\tI\tdon\u2019t.\tIt\u2019s\tmore\tthat I\tdon\u2019t\ttrust\thim.\u201d","\u201cWhy,\t though?\t Adam\t told\t me\t about\t the\t things\t Tom\t did\t for\t him\t when\t your adviser\twas\tabusive.\u201d \u201cSee,\tthis\tis\twhere\ta\tbig\tpart\tof\tmy\tmistrust\tcomes\tin.\u201d\tHolden\tworried\tat\this lower\t lip,\t as\t if\t deciding\t whether\t and\t how\t to\t continue.\t \u201cDid\t Tom\t intercede\t to save\t Adam\u2019s\t ass\t on\t numerous\t occasions?\t Sure.\t It\u2019s\t undeniable.\t But\t how\t did those\toccasions\tcome\tabout\tto\tbegin\twith?\tOur\tadviser\twas\ta\tpiece\tof\twork,\tbut he\t was\t not\t a\t micromanager.\t By\t the\t time\t we\t joined\t his\t lab,\t he\t was\t too\t busy being\t a\t famous\t asshole\t to\t know\t what\t was\t going\t on\t in\t day-to-day\t lab\t business. Which\tis\twhy\the\thad\tpostdocs\tlike\tTom\tmentor\tgrad\tstudents\tlike\tAdam\tand\tme and\tde\tfacto\trun\tthe\tlab.\tAnd\tyet,\the\tknew\tabout\tevery\tsingle\tminor\tscrewup\tof Adam\u2019s.\t Every\t few\t weeks\t he\u2019d\t come\t in,\t tell\t Adam\t that\t he\t was\t a\t failure\t of\t a human\t being\t for\t minor\t stuff\t like\t switching\t reagents\t or\t dropping\t a\t beaker,\t and then\t Tom,\t our\t adviser\u2019s\t most-trusted\t postdoc,\t would\t publicly\t intervene\t on behalf\t of\t Adam\t and\t save\t the\t day.\t The\t pattern\t was\t eerily\t specific,\t and\t only\t for Adam\u2014who\twas\tby\tfar\tthe\tmost\tpromising\tstudent\tin\tour\tprogram.\tDestined\tfor greatness\t and\t all\t that.\t Initially,\t it\t made\t me\t a\t bit\t suspicious\t that\t Tom\t was purposefully\tsabotaging\tAdam.\tBut\tin\trecent\tyears\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\twondering\tif\twhat he\twanted\twas\tsomething\telse\taltogether.\t.\t.\t.\u201d \u201cDid\tyou\ttell\tAdam?\u201d \u201cYes.\t But\t I\t had\t no\t proof,\t and\t Adam\t .\t .\t .\t well,\t you\t know\t him.\t He\t is stubbornly,\tunwaveringly\tloyal,\tand\the\twas\tmore\tthan\ta\tlittle\tgrateful\tto\tTom.\u201d He\t shrugged.\t \u201cThey\t ended\t up\t becoming\t bros,\t and\t they\u2019ve\t been\t close\t friends ever\tsince.\u201d \u201cDid\tit\tbother\tyou?\u201d \u201cNot\t per\t se,\t no.\t I\t realize\t I\t might\t sound\t jealous\t of\t their\t friendship,\t but\t the truth\tis\tthat\tAdam\thas\talways\tbeen\ttoo\tfocused\tand\tsingle-minded\tto\thave\tmany friends.\tI\u2019d\thave\tbeen\thappy\tfor\thim,\ttruly.\tBut\tTom\t.\t.\t.\u201d Olive\tnodded.\tYeah.\tTom.\t\u201cWhy\twould\the\tdo\tthis?\tThis\t.\t.\t.\tweird\tvendetta against\tAdam?\u201d Holden\tsighed.\t\u201cThis\tis\twhy\tAdam\tdismissed\tmy\tconcerns.\tThere\treally\tisn\u2019t an\t obvious\t reason.\t The\t truth\t is,\t I\t don\u2019t\t think\t Tom\t hates\t Adam.\t Or\t at\t least,\t I don\u2019t\t think\t it\u2019s\t that\t simple.\t But\t I\t do\t believe\t that\t Tom\t is\t smart,\t and\t very,\t very cunning.\t That\t there\t probably\t is\t some\t jealousy\t involved,\t some\t desire\t to\t take advantage\t of\t Adam,\t to\t maybe\t control\t or\t have\t power\t over\t him.\t Adam\t tends\t to","downplay\t his\t accomplishments,\t but\t he\u2019s\t one\t of\t the\t best\t scientists\t of\t our generation.\tHaving\tinfluence\tover\thim\t.\t.\t.\tthat\u2019s\ta\tprivilege,\tand\tno\tsmall\tfeat.\u201d \u201cYeah.\u201d\t She\t nodded\t again.\t The\t question,\t the\t one\t she\u2019d\t come\t here\t to\t ask, was\t starting\t to\t take\t shape\t in\t her\t mind.\t \u201cKnowing\t all\t of\t this.\t Knowing\t how important\tTom\tis\tto\tAdam,\tif\tyou\thad\tproof\tof\t.\t.\t.\tof\thow\tTom\treally\tis,\twould you\tshow\tAdam?\u201d To\t his\t credit,\t Holden\t didn\u2019t\t ask\t what\t the\t proof\t was,\t or\t proof\t of\t what.\t He scanned\t Olive\u2019s\t face\t with\t an\t intent,\t thoughtful\t expression,\t and\t when\t he\t spoke, his\twords\twere\tcareful. \u201cI\tcan\u2019t\tanswer\tthat\tfor\tyou.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tthink\tI\tshould.\u201d\tHe\tdrummed\this\tfingers on\tthe\tpodium,\tas\tif\tdeep\tin\tthought.\t\u201cBut\tI\tdo\twant\tto\ttell\tyou\tthree\tthings.\tThe first\tyou\tprobably\talready\tknow:\tAdam\tis\tfirst\tand\tforemost\ta\tscientist.\tSo\tam\tI, and\t so\t are\t you.\t And\t good\t science\t only\t happens\t when\t we\t draw\t conclusions based\ton\tall\tavailable\tevidence\u2014not\tjust\tthe\tones\tthat\tare\teasy,\tor\tthat\tconfirm our\thypotheses.\tWouldn\u2019t\tyou\tagree?\u201d Olive\tnodded,\tand\the\tcontinued. \u201cThe\tsecond\tis\tsomething\tyou\tmay\tor\tmay\tnot\tbe\taware\tof,\tbecause\tit\thas\tto do\t with\t politics\t and\t academia,\t which\t are\t not\t easy\t to\t fully\t grasp\t until\t you\t find yourself\t sitting\t through\t five-hour-long\t faculty\t meetings\t every\t other\t week.\t But here\u2019s\t the\t deal:\t the\t collaboration\t between\t Adam\t and\t Tom\t benefits\t Tom\t more than\tit\tdoes\tAdam.\tWhich\tis\twhy\tAdam\tis\tthe\tmain\tinvestigator\tof\tthe\tgrant\tthey were\t awarded.\t Tom\t is\t .\t .\t .\t well,\t replaceable.\t Don\u2019t\t get\t me\t wrong,\t he\u2019s\t a\t very good\t scientist,\t but\t most\t of\t his\t fame\t is\t due\t to\t him\t having\t been\t our\t former adviser\u2019s\t best\t and\t brightest.\t He\t inherited\t a\t lab\t that\t was\t an\t already\t well-oiled machine\tand\tkept\tit\tgoing.\tAdam\tcreated\this\town\tresearch\tline\tfrom\tthe\tground up,\tand\t.\t.\t.\tI\tthink\the\ttends\tto\tforget\thow\tgood\the\tis.\tWhich\tis\tprobably\tfor\tthe best,\t because\t he\u2019s\t already\t pretty\t insufferable.\u201d\t He\t huffed.\t \u201cCan\t you\t imagine\t if he\thad\ta\tbig\tego,\ttoo?\u201d Olive\tlaughed\tat\tthat,\tand\tthe\tsound\tcame\tout\toddly\twet.\tWhen\tshe\traised\ther hands\t to\t her\t cheeks,\t she\t was\t not\t surprised\t to\t find\t them\t glistening.\t Apparently, weeping\tsilently\twas\ther\tnew\tbaseline\tstate. \u201cThe\t last\t thing,\u201d\t Holden\t continued,\t unbothered\t by\t the\t waterworks,\t \u201cis something\tyou\tprobably\tdo\tnot\tknow.\u201d\tHe\tpaused.\t\u201cAdam\thas\tbeen\trecruited\tby a\t lot\t of\t institutions\t in\t the\t past.\t A\t lot.\t He\u2019s\t been\t offered\t money,\t prestigious","positions,\tunlimited\taccess\tto\tfacilities\tand\tequipment.\tThat\tincludes\tHarvard\u2014 this\tyear\twas\tnot\ttheir\tfirst\tattempt\tat\tbringing\thim\tin.\tBut\tit\u2019s\tthe\tfirst\ttime\the\u2019s agreed\tto\tinterview.\tAnd\the\tonly\tagreed\tafter\tyou\tdecided\tto\tgo\twork\tin\tTom\u2019s lab.\u201d\tHe\tgave\ther\ta\tgentle\tsmile,\tand\tthen\tlooked\taway,\tbeginning\tto\tcollect\this things\tand\tslide\tthem\tinside\this\tbackpack.\t\u201cMake\tof\tthat\twhat\tyou\twill,\tOlive.\u201d","Chapter\tTwenty \tHYPOTHESIS:\tPeople\twho\tcross\tme\twill\tcome\tto\tregret\tit. She\thad\tto\tlie. Again. It\twas\tbecoming\ta\tbit\tof\ta\thabit,\tand\twhile\tshe\tspun\tan\telaborate\ttale\tfor\tthe secretary\tof\tHarvard\u2019s\tbiology\tdepartment,\tone\tin\twhich\tshe\twas\ta\tgrad\tstudent of\tDr.\t Carlsen\u2019s\t who\tneeded\tto\ttrack\thim\tdown\timmediately\tto\trelay\ta\tcrucial message\t in\t person,\t she\t swore\t to\t herself\t that\t this\t would\t be\t the\t last\t time.\t It\t was too\t stressful.\t Too\t difficult.\t Not\t worth\t the\t strain\t on\t her\t cardiovascular\t and psychophysical\thealth. Plus,\tshe\tsucked\tat\tit.\tThe\tdepartment\tsecretary\tdidn\u2019t\tlook\tlike\tshe\tbelieved a\tword\tof\twhat\tOlive\tsaid,\tbut\tshe\tmust\thave\tdecided\tthat\tthere\twas\tno\tharm\tin telling\ther\twhere\tthe\tbiology\tfaculty\thad\ttaken\tAdam\tout\tfor\tdinner\u2014according to\tYelp,\ta\tfancy\trestaurant\tthat\twas\tless\tthan\ta\tten-minute\tUber\tride\taway.\tOlive looked\t down\t at\t her\t ripped\t jeans\t and\t lilac\t Converse\t and\t wondered\t if\t they\u2019d\t let her\t in.\t Then\t she\t wondered\t if\t Adam\t would\t be\t mad.\t Then\t she\t wondered\t if\t she was\t making\t a\t mistake\t and\t screwing\t up\t her\t own\t life,\t Adam\u2019s\t life,\t her\t Uber driver\u2019s\t life.\t She\t was\t very\t tempted\t to\t change\t her\t destination\t to\t the\t conference hotel\twhen\tthe\tcar\tpulled\tup\tto\tthe\tcurb,\tand\tthe\tdriver\u2014Sarah\tHelen,\taccording to\tthe\tapp\u2014turned\taround\twith\ta\tsmile.\t\u201cHere\twe\tare.\u201d \u201cThank\t you.\u201d\t Olive\t started\t getting\t out\t of\t the\t passenger\t seat\t and\t found\t that she\tcouldn\u2019t\tmove\ther\tlegs. \u201cAre\tyou\tokay?\u201d\tSarah\tHelen\tasked. \u201cYeah.\tJust,\tun\t.\t.\t.\u201d \u201cAre\tyou\tgonna\tpuke\tin\tmy\tcar?\u201d","Olive\tshook\ther\thead.\tNo.\tYes.\t\u201cMaybe?\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t,\tor\tI\u2019ll\tdestroy\tyour\trating.\u201d Olive\t nodded\t and\t tried\t to\t slide\t out\t of\t the\t seat.\t Her\t limbs\t were\t still nonresponsive. Sarah\tHelen\tfrowned.\t\u201cHey,\twhat\u2019s\twrong?\u201d \u201cI\tjust\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tThere\twas\ta\tlump\tin\ther\tthroat.\t\u201cI\tneed\tto\tdo\ta\tthing.\tThat\tI\tdon\u2019t want\tto\tdo.\u201d Sarah\tHelen\thummed.\t\u201cIs\tit\ta\twork\tthing,\tor\ta\tlove\tthing?\u201d \u201cUh\t.\t.\t.\tboth.\u201d \u201cYikes.\u201d\tSarah\tHelen\tscrunched\tup\ther\tnose.\t\u201cDouble\tthreat.\tCan\tyou\tput\tit off?\u201d \u201cNo,\tnot\treally.\u201d \u201cCan\tyou\task\tsomeone\telse\tto\tdo\tit\tfor\tyou?\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d \u201cCan\t you\t change\t your\t name,\t cauterize\t your\t fingertips,\t enter\t the\t witness protection\tprogram,\tand\tdisappear?\u201d \u201cUm,\tnot\tsure.\tI\u2019m\tnot\tan\tAmerican\tcitizen,\tthough.\u201d \u201cProbably\tno,\tthen.\tCan\tyou\tsay\t\u2018fuck\tit\u2019\tand\tdeal\twith\tthe\tconsequences?\u201d Olive\t closed\t her\t eyes\t and\t thought\t about\t it.\t What,\t exactly,\t would\t the consequences\tbe\tif\tshe\tdidn\u2019t\tdo\twhat\tshe\twas\tplanning\tto?\tTom\twould\tbe\tfree to\t keep\t on\t being\t an\t absolute\t piece\t of\t shit,\t for\t one.\t And\t Adam\t would\t never know\t that\t he\t was\t being\t taken\t advantage\t of.\t He\t would\t move\t to\t Boston.\t And Olive\twould\tnever\thave\ta\tchance\tto\ttalk\tto\thim\tagain,\tand\tall\tthat\the\u2019d\tmeant\tto her\twould\tend\t.\t.\t. In\ta\tlie. A\t lie,\t after\t a\t lot\t of\t lies.\t So\t many\t lies\t she\u2019d\t told,\t so\t many\t true\t things\t she could\thave\tsaid\tbut\tnever\tdid,\tall\tbecause\tshe\u2019d\tbeen\ttoo\tscared\tof\tthe\ttruth,\tof driving\t the\t people\t she\t loved\t away\t from\t her.\t All\t because\t she\u2019d\t been\t afraid\t to lose\tthem.\tAll\tbecause\tshe\thadn\u2019t\twanted\tto\tbe\talone\tagain. Well,\t the\t lying\t hadn\u2019t\t worked\t out\t too\t well.\t In\t fact,\t it\t had\t downright\t sucked lately.\tTime\tfor\tplan\tB,\tthen. Time\tfor\tsome\ttruth. \u201cNo.\tI\tdon\u2019t\twant\tto\tdeal\twith\tthe\tconsequences.\u201d","Sarah\t Helen\t smiled.\t \u201cThen,\t my\t friend,\t you\t better\t go\t do\t your\t thing.\u201d\t She pressed\ta\tbutton,\tand\tthe\tpassenger\tdoor\tunlocked\twith\ta\tclunk.\t\u201cAnd\tyou\tbetter give\tme\ta\tperfect\trating.\tFor\tthe\tfree\tpsychotherapy.\u201d This\t time,\t Olive\t managed\t to\t get\t out\t of\t the\t car.\t She\t tipped\t Sarah\t Helen\t 150 percent,\ttook\ta\tdeep\tbreath,\tand\tmade\ther\tway\tinto\tthe\trestaurant. \u2014 SHE\tFOUND\tADAM\timmediately.\tHe\twas\tbig,\tafter\tall,\tand\tthe\trestaurant\twas\tnot, which\t made\t for\t a\t pretty\t quick\t search.\t Not\t to\t mention\t that\t he\t was\t sitting\t with about\tten\tpeople\twho\tlooked\ta\tlot\tlike\tvery\tserious\tHarvard\tprofessors.\tAnd,\tof course,\tTom. Fuck\tmy\tlife,\tshe\tthought,\tslipping\tpast\tthe\tbusy\thostess\tand\twalking\ttoward Adam.\tShe\tfigured\tthat\ther\tbright\tred\tduffle\tcoat\twould\tattract\this\tattention,\tthen she\u2019d\t gesticulate\t for\t him\t to\t check\t his\t phone,\t and\t text\t him\t to\t please,\t please, please\tgive\ther\tfive\tminutes\tof\this\ttime\twhen\tdinner\twas\tover.\tShe\tfigured\tthat telling\thim\ttonight\twas\tthe\tbest\toption\u2014his\tinterview\twould\tbe\tover\ttomorrow, and\the\u2019d\tbe\table\tto\tmake\this\tdecision\twith\tthe\ttruth\tat\this\tdisposal.\tShe\tfigured her\tplan\tmight\twork. She\thad\tnot\tfigured\tthat\tAdam\twould\tnotice\ther\twhile\tin\tconversation\twith\ta young,\t beautiful\t faculty\t member.\t She\t had\t not\t figured\t that\t he\u2019d\t suddenly\t stop speaking,\t eyes\t widening\t and\t lips\t parting;\t that\t he\u2019d\t mutter\t \u201cExcuse\t me\u201d\t while staring\t at\t Olive\t and\t stand\t from\t the\t table,\t ignoring\t the\t curious\t looks\t in\t his direction;\t that\t he\u2019d\t march\t to\t the\t entrance,\t where\t Olive\t was,\t with\t quick,\t long strides\tand\ta\tconcerned\texpression. \u201cOlive,\tare\tyou\tokay?\u201d\the\tasked\ther,\tand\u2014 Oh.\tHis\tvoice.\tAnd\this\teyes.\tAnd\tthe\tway\this\thands\tcame\tup,\tas\tif\tto\ttouch her,\t to\t make\t sure\t that\t she\t was\t intact\t and\t really\t there\u2014though\t right\t before\t his fingers\t could\t close\t around\t her\t biceps\t he\t hesitated\t and\t let\t them\t fall\t back\t to\t his sides. It\tbroke\ther\theart\ta\tlittle. \u201cI\u2019m\t fine.\u201d\t She\t attempted\t a\t smile.\t \u201cI\t .\t .\t .\t I\u2019m\t sorry\t to\t interrupt\t this.\t I\t know it\u2019s\timportant,\tthat\tyou\twant\tto\tmove\tto\tBoston,\tand\u2014this\tis\tinappropriate.\tBut it\u2019s\t now\t or\t never,\t and\t I\t wasn\u2019t\t sure\t if\t I\u2019d\t have\t the\t courage\t to\t .\t .\t .\u201d\t She\t was","rambling.\t So\t she\t took\t a\t deep\t breath\t and\t started\t again.\t \u201cI\t need\t to\t tell\t you something.\tSomething\tthat\thappened.\tWith\u2014\u201d \u201cHey,\tOlive.\u201d Tom.\t But\t of\t course.\t \u201cHi,\t Tom.\u201d\t Olive\t held\t Adam\u2019s\t gaze\t and\t didn\u2019t\t look\t at him.\tHe\tdid\tnot\tdeserve\tto\tbe\tlooked\tat.\t\u201cCan\tyou\tgive\tus\ta\tminute\tof\tprivacy?\u201d She\tcould\tsee\this\toily,\tfake\tsmile\twith\tthe\tcorner\tof\ther\teye.\t\u201cOlive,\tI\tknow you\u2019re\t young\t and\t don\u2019t\t know\t how\t these\t things\t work,\t but\t Adam\u2019s\t here\t to interview\tfor\ta\tvery\timportant\tposition,\tand\the\tcan\u2019t\tjust\u2014\u201d \u201cLeave,\u201d\tAdam\tordered,\tvoice\tlow\tand\tcold. Olive\tclosed\ther\teyes\tand\tnodded,\ttaking\ta\tstep\tback.\tFine.\tIt\twas\tfine.\tIt\twas Adam\u2019s\tright\tnot\tto\ttalk\tto\ther.\t\u201cOkay.\tI\u2019m\tsorry,\tI\u2014\u201d \u201cNot\tyou.\tTom,\tleave\tus.\u201d Oh.\tOh.\tWell,\tthen. \u201cDude,\u201d\tTom\tsaid,\tsounding\tamused,\t\u201cyou\tcan\u2019t\tjust\tget\tup\tfrom\tthe\ttable\tin the\tmiddle\tof\tan\tinterview\tdinner\tand\u2014\u201d \u201cLeave,\u201d\tAdam\trepeated. Tom\t laughed,\t brazen.\t \u201cNo.\t Not\t unless\t you\u2019re\t coming\t with\t me.\t We\u2019re collaborators,\tand\tif\tyou\tact\tlike\tan\tasshole\tduring\ta\tdinner\twith\tmy\tdepartment because\tof\tsome\tstudent\tyou\u2019re\tscrewing,\tit\twill\treflect\tpoorly\ton\tme.\tYou\tneed to\tcome\tback\tto\tthe\ttable\tand\u2014\u201d \u201cA\tpretty\tgirl\tlike\tyou\tshould\tknow\tthe\tscore\tby\tnow.\tDon\u2019t\tlie\tto\tme\tand\tsay you\tdidn\u2019t\tpick\tout\ta\tdress\tthat\tshort\tfor\tmy\tbenefit.\tNice\tlegs,\tby\tthe\tway.\tI\tcan see\twhy\tAdam\u2019s\twasting\this\ttime\twith\tyou.\u201d Neither\t Adam\t nor\t Tom\t had\t seen\t Olive\t take\t out\t her\t phone,\t or\t press\t Play. They\tboth\tstruggled\tfor\ta\tsecond,\tconfused\u2014they\u2019d\tclearly\theard\tthe\twords\tbut were\tunsure\twhere\tthey\tcame\tfrom.\tUntil\tthe\trecording\trestarted. \u201cOlive.\tYou\tdon\u2019t\tthink\tI\taccepted\tyou\tinto\tmy\tlab\tbecause\tyou\tare\tgood,\tdo you?\t A\t girl\t like\t you.\t Who\t figured\t out\t so\t early\t in\t her\t academic\t career\t that fucking\twell-known,\tsuccessful\tscholars\tis\thow\tto\tget\tahead.\tYou\tfucked\tAdam, didn\u2019t\tyou?\tWe\tboth\tknow\tyou\u2019re\tgoing\tto\tfuck\tme\tfor\tthe\tsame\treason.\u201d \u201cWhat\t the\u2014\u201d\t Tom\t took\t a\t step\t forward,\t hand\t extended\t to\t grab\t the\t phone from\t Olive.\t He\t didn\u2019t\t get\t far,\t because\t Adam\t pushed\t him\t away\t with\t a\t palm\t on his\tchest,\tmaking\thim\tstumble\tseveral\tsteps\tback.","He\tstill\twasn\u2019t\tlooking\tat\tTom.\tAnd\tnot\tat\tOlive,\teither.\tHe\twas\tstaring\tdown at\t her\t phone,\t something\t dark\t and\t dangerous\t and\t frighteningly\t still\t in\t his expression.\tShe\tshould\thave\tprobably\tbeen\tscared.\tMaybe\tshe\twas,\ta\tlittle. \u201c\u2014you\u2019re\ttelling\tme\tyou\tthought\tyour\tpitiful\tabstract\twas\tselected\tfor\ta\ttalk because\t of\t its\t quality\t and\t scientific\t importance?\t Someone\t here\t has\t a\t very\t high opinion\t of\t herself,\t considering\t that\t her\t research\t is\t useless\t and\t derivative\t and that\tshe\tcan\tbarely\tput\ttogether\ttwo\twords\twithout\tstuttering\tlike\tan\tidiot\u2014\u201d \u201cIt\t was\t him,\u201d\t Adam\t whispered.\t His\t voice\t was\t low,\t barely\t a\t whisper, deceptively\t calm.\t His\t eyes,\t unreadable.\t \u201cIt\t was\t Tom.\t The\t reason\t you\t were crying.\u201d Olive\t could\t only\t nod.\t In\t the\t background,\t Tom\u2019s\t recorded\t voice\t droned\t on and\t on.\t Talking\t about\t how\t mediocre\t she\t was.\t How\t Adam\t would\t never\t believe her.\tCalling\ther\tnames. \u201cThis\t is\t ridiculous.\u201d\t Tom\t was\t coming\t closer\t again,\t reattempting\t to\t take\t the phone\taway.\t\u201cI\u2019m\tnot\tsure\twhat\tthis\tbitch\u2019s\tproblem\tis,\tbut\tshe\u2019s\tclearly\u2014\u201d Adam\texploded\tso\tfast,\tshe\tdidn\u2019t\teven\tsee\thim\tmove.\tOne\tmoment\the\tstood in\tfront\tof\ther,\tand\tthe\tnext\the\twas\tpinning\tTom\tagainst\tthe\twall. \u201cI\u2019m\t going\t to\t kill\t you,\u201d\t he\t gritted\t out,\t little\t more\t than\t a\t growl.\t \u201cIf\t you\t say another\tword\tabout\tthe\twoman\tI\tlove,\tif\tyou\tlook\tat\ther,\tif\tyou\teven\tthink\tabout her\u2014I\u2019m\tgoing\tto\tfucking\tkill\tyou.\u201d \u201cAdam\u2014\u201d\tTom\tchoked\tout. \u201cActually,\tI\twill\tkill\tyou\tanyway.\u201d People\t were\t running\t toward\t them.\t The\t hostess,\t a\t waiter,\t a\t few\t faculty members\t from\t Adam\u2019s\t table.\t They\t were\t forming\t a\t crowd,\t yelling\t in\t confusion and\ttrying\tto\tpull\tAdam\toff\tTom\u2014with\tno\tsuccess.\tOlive\u2019s\tmind\twent\tto\tAdam pushing\tCherie\u2019s\ttruck,\tand\tshe\talmost\tlaughed\tin\ta\tmoment\tof\thysteria.\tAlmost. \u201cAdam,\u201d\t she\t called.\t Her\t voice\t was\t barely\t audible\t in\t the\t chaos\t going\t on around\t them,\t but\t it\t was\t what\t got\t through\t to\t him.\t He\t turned\t to\t look\t at\t her,\t and there\t were\t entire\t worlds\t in\t his\t eyes.\t \u201cAdam,\t don\u2019t,\u201d\t she\t whispered.\t \u201cHe\u2019s\t not worth\tit.\u201d Just\tlike\tthat,\tAdam\ttook\ta\tstep\tback\tand\tlet\tTom\tgo.\tAn\telderly\tgentleman \u2014probably\t a\t Harvard\t dean\u2014began\t laying\t into\t him,\t asking\t for\t explanations, telling\t him\t how\t unacceptable\t his\t behavior\t was.\t Adam\t ignored\t him,\t and everyone\telse.\tHe\theaded\tstraight\tfor\tOlive,\tand\u2014","He\t cradled\t her\t head\t with\t both\t hands,\t fingers\t sliding\t through\t her\t hair\t and holding\ther\ttight\tas\the\tlowered\this\tforehead\tto\thers.\tHe\twas\twarm,\tand\tsmelled like\thimself,\tlike\tsafe\tand\thome.\tHis\tthumbs\tswept\tthrough\tthe\tmess\tof\ttears\ton her\tcheeks.\t\u201cI\u2019m\tsorry.\tI\u2019m\tso\tsorry.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tknow,\tand\tI\u2019m\tsorry,\tI\u2019m\tsorry,\tI\u2019m sorry\u2014\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\tnot\tyour\tfault,\u201d\tshe\tmanaged\tto\tmumble,\tbut\the\tdidn\u2019t\tseem\tto\thear\ther. \u201cI\u2019m\tsorry.\tI\u2019m\u2014\u201d \u201cDr.\t Carlsen,\u201d\t a\t male\t voice\t boomed\t loudly\t from\t behind\t them,\t and\t she\t felt Adam\u2019s\tbody\tstiffen\tagainst\thers.\t\u201cI\tdemand\tan\texplanation.\u201d Adam\tpaid\tno\theed\tto\tthe\tman,\tand\tkept\tholding\tOlive. \u201cDr.\tCarlsen,\u201d\the\trepeated,\t\u201cthis\tis\tunacceptable\u2014\u201d \u201cAdam,\u201d\tOlive\twhispered.\t\u201cYou\thave\tto\tanswer\thim.\u201d Adam\t exhaled.\t Then\t he\t pressed\t a\t long,\t lingering\t kiss\t to\t Olive\u2019s\t forehead before\treluctantly\tdisentangling\thimself.\tWhen\tshe\twas\tfinally\table\tto\tget\ta\tgood look\tat\thim,\the\tseemed\tmore\tlike\this\tusual\tself. Calm.\tAngry\tat\tthe\tentire\tworld.\tIn\tcharge. \u201cSend\tme\tthat\trecording\timmediately,\u201d\the\tmurmured\tat\ther.\tShe\tnodded,\tand he\t turned\t to\t the\t elderly\t man\t who\u2019d\t just\t approached\t them.\t \u201cWe\t need\t to\t talk. Privately.\t Your\t office?\u201d\t The\t other\t man\t looked\t shocked\t and\t offended,\t but\t he nodded\t stiffly.\t Behind\t him,\t Tom\t was\t making\t a\t fuss,\t and\t Adam\t clenched\t his jaw.\t \u201cKeep\t him\t away\t from\t me.\u201d\t He\t turned\t to\t Olive\t before\t leaving,\t bending closer\tto\ther\tand\tlowering\this\tvoice.\tHis\tpalm\twas\twarm\tagainst\ther\telbow. \u201cI\t am\t going\t to\t take\t care\t of\t this,\u201d\t he\t told\t her.\t There\t was\t something determined,\tearnest\tin\this\teyes.\tOlive\thad\tnever\tfelt\tsafer,\tor\tmore\tloved.\t\u201cAnd then\tI\u2019ll\tcome\tfind\tyou,\tand\tI\u2019ll\ttake\tcare\tof\tyou.\u201d","Chapter\tTwenty-One \tHYPOTHESIS:\tWearing\texpired\tcontact\tlenses\twill\tcause\tbacterial\tand\/or\tfungal infections\tthat\twill\thave\trepercussions\tfor\tyears\tto\tcome. \u201cHolden\tsent\ta\tmessage\tfor\tyou.\u201d Olive\t looked\t away\t from\t the\t window\t and\t to\t Malcolm,\t who\u2019d\t turned\t off airplane\tmode\tthe\tsecond\tthey\u2019d\tlanded\tin\tCharlotte\tfor\ttheir\tlayover.\t\u201cHolden?\u201d \u201cYeah.\tWell,\tit\u2019s\ttechnically\tfrom\tCarlsen.\u201d Her\theart\tskipped\ta\tbeat. \u201cHe\tlost\this\tphone\tcharger\tand\tcan\u2019t\ttext\tyou,\tbut\the\tand\tHolden\tare\ton\ttheir way\tback\tto\tSFO.\u201d \u201cAh.\u201d\t She\t nodded,\t feeling\t a\t small\t rush\t of\t relief.\t That\t explained\t Adam\u2019s silence.\t He\t hadn\u2019t\t been\t in\t touch\t since\t last\t night.\t She\u2019d\t worried\t that\t he\u2019d\t been arrested\tand\twas\tpondering\temptying\ther\tsavings\taccount\tto\thelp\tcover\this\tbail. All\ttwelve\tdollars\tand\tsixteen\tcents.\t\u201cWhere\u2019s\ttheir\tlayover?\u201d \u201cNo\tlayover.\u201d\tMalcolm\trolled\this\teyes.\t\u201cDirect\tflight.\tThey\u2019ll\tbe\tat\tSFO\tten minutes\tafter\tus,\teven\tthough\tthey\u2019re\tonly\tnow\tleaving\tBoston.\tEat\tthe\trich.\u201d \u201cDid\tHolden\tsay\tanything\tabout\t.\t.\t.\u201d Malcolm\tshook\this\thead.\t\u201cTheir\tplane\tis\tabout\tto\tleave,\tbut\twe\tcan\twait\tfor them\tat\tSFO.\tI\u2019m\tsure\tAdam\twill\thave\tsome\tupdates\tfor\tyou.\u201d \u201cYou\tjust\twant\tto\tmake\tout\twith\tHolden,\tdon\u2019t\tyou?\u201d Malcolm\t smiled\t and\t leaned\t his\t head\t against\t her\t shoulder.\t \u201cMy\t kalamata knows\tme\twell.\u201d It\t seemed\t impossible\t that\t she\u2019d\t been\t gone\t for\t less\t than\t a\t week.\t That\t all\t the chaos\thad\tunfolded\tin\tthe\tspan\tof\ta\tfew\tdays.\tOlive\tfelt\tdazed,\tshell-shocked,\tas though\t her\t brain\t was\t winded\t from\t running\t a\t marathon.\t She\t was\t tired\t and","wanted\tto\tsleep.\tShe\twas\thungry\tand\twanted\tto\teat.\tShe\twas\tangry\tand\twanted to\t see\t Tom\t get\t what\t he\t deserved.\t She\t was\t anxious,\t as\t twitchy\t as\t a\t damaged nerve,\tand\tshe\twanted\ta\thug.\tPreferably\tfrom\tAdam. In\t San\t Francisco,\t she\t folded\t her\t now-useless\t coat\t inside\t her\t suitcase\t and then\tsat\ton\tit.\tShe\tchecked\ther\tphone\tfor\tnew\tmessages\twhile\tMalcolm\twent\tto buy\t a\t bottle\t of\t Diet\t Coke.\t There\t were\t several\t from\t Anh,\t just\t checking\t in\t from Boston,\t and\t one\t from\t her\t landlord\t about\t the\t elevator\t being\t out\t of\t commission. She\t rolled\t her\t eyes,\t switched\t to\t her\t academic\t email,\t and\t found\t several\t unread messages\tflagged\tas\timportant. She\ttapped\ton\tthe\tred\texclamation\tpoint\tand\topened\tone. Today,\t5:15\tp.m. FROM:\[email protected] TO:\[email protected] CC:\[email protected] SUBJECT:\tRe:\tPancreatic\tCancer\tProject Aysegul, Thank\tyou\tfor\treaching\tout\tto\tme.\tI\thad\tthe\tprivilege\tof\tseeing\tOlive\tSmith\u2019s\ttalk\tat\tSBD\u2014 we\twere\ton\tthe\tsame\tpanel\u2014and\tI\twas\tvery\timpressed\twith\ther\twork\ton\tearly\tdetection tools\tfor\tpancreatic\tcancer.\tI\u2019d\tlove\tto\thave\ther\tin\tmy\tlab\tnext\tyear!\tMaybe\tthe\tthree\tof us\tcan\tchat\tmore\ton\tthe\tphone\tsoon? Best, Anna Olive\tgasped.\tShe\tcovered\ther\tmouth\twith\ther\thand,\tand\timmediately\topened another\temail. Today,\t3:19\tp.m. FROM:\[email protected] TO:\[email protected],\[email protected] SUBJECT:\tPancreatic\tCancer\tProject Dr.\tAslan,\tMs.\tSmith, Your\twork\ton\tpancreatic\tcancer\tis\tfascinating,\tand\tI\twould\twelcome\tthe\topportunity\tfor\ta collaboration.\tWe\tshould\tset\tup\ta\tZoom\tmeeting. -R","There\t were\t two\t more\t emails.\t Four\t total\t from\t cancer\t researchers,\t all following\tup\ton\tDr.\tAslan\u2019s\tintroductory\tmessage\tand\tsaying\tthey\u2019d\tlove\thaving Olive\t in\t their\t labs.\t She\t felt\t a\t surge\t of\t happiness\t so\t violent,\t it\t almost\t made\t her dizzy. \u201cOl,\tlook\twho\tI\tran\tinto.\u201d Olive\t shot\t up\t to\t her\t feet.\t Malcolm\t was\t there,\t holding\t Holden\u2019s\t hand,\t and barely\ta\tstep\tbehind\tthem\u2014 Adam.\tLooking\ttired,\tand\thandsome,\tand\tas\tlarge\tin\treal\tlife\tas\the\u2019d\tbeen\tin her\t mind\t for\t the\t past\t twenty-four\t hours.\t Looking\t straight\t at\t her.\t Olive\t recalled the\twords\the\u2019d\tsaid\tlast\tnight\tin\tthe\trestaurant\tand\tfelt\ther\tcheeks\theat,\ther\tchest constrict,\ther\theart\tbeat\tout\tof\ther\tskin. \u201cHear\tme\tout,\u201d\tHolden\tstarted\twithout\teven\tsaying\thi,\t\u201cthe\tfour\tof\tus:\tdouble date.\tTonight.\u201d Adam\t ignored\t him\t and\t came\t to\t stand\t next\t Olive.\t \u201cHow\t are\t you?\u201d\t he\t asked in\ta\tlow\ttone. \u201cGood.\u201d\tFor\tthe\tfirst\ttime\tin\tdays,\tit\twasn\u2019t\teven\ta\tlie.\tAdam\twas\there.\tAnd all\tthose\temails\twere\tin\ther\tinbox.\t\u201cYou?\u201d \u201cGood,\u201d\the\treplied\twith\ta\thalf\tsmile,\tand\tshe\thad\ta\tweird\tfeeling\tthat\tmuch like\ther,\the\twasn\u2019t\tlying.\tHer\theart\tpicked\tup\teven\tmore. \u201cWhat\tabout\tChinese?\u201d\tHolden\tinterjected.\t\u201cEveryone\tlike\tChinese\there?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\t cool\t with\t Chinese,\u201d\t Malcolm\t muttered,\t though\t he\t didn\u2019t\t seem enthusiastic\t at\t the\t idea\t of\t a\t double\t date.\t Likely\t because\t he\t didn\u2019t\t want\t to\t sit across\t from\t Adam\t for\t an\t entire\t meal\t and\t relive\t the\t trauma\t of\t his\t graduate advisory\tcommittee\tmeetings. \u201cOlive?\u201d \u201cUm\t.\t.\t.\tI\tlike\tChinese.\u201d \u201cPerfect.\tSo\tdoes\tAdam,\tso\u2014\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tnot\thaving\tdinner\tout,\u201d\tAdam\tsaid. Holden\tfrowned.\t\u201cWhy?\u201d \u201cI\thave\tbetter\tthings\tto\tdo.\u201d \u201cLike\twhat?\tOlive\u2019s\tcoming,\ttoo.\u201d \u201cLeave\tOlive\talone.\tShe\u2019s\ttired,\tand\twe\u2019re\tbusy.\u201d \u201cI\t have\t access\t to\t your\t Google\t Calendar,\t asshole.\t You\u2019re\t not\t busy.\t If\t you don\u2019t\twant\tto\thang\tout\twith\tme,\tyou\tcan\tjust\tbe\thonest.\u201d","\u201cI\tdon\u2019t\twant\tto\thang\tout\twith\tyou.\u201d \u201cYou\tlittle\tshit.\tAfter\tthe\tweek\twe\tjust\thad.\tAnd\ton\tmy\tbirthday.\u201d Adam\trecoiled\tslightly.\t\u201cWhat?\tIt\u2019s\tnot\tyour\tbirthday.\u201d \u201cYes,\tit\tis.\u201d \u201cYour\tbirthday\tis\tApril\ttenth.\u201d \u201cIs\tit,\tthough?\u201d Adam\t closed\t his\t eyes,\t scratching\t his\t forehead.\t \u201cHolden,\t we\u2019ve\t talked\t daily for\t the\t past\t twenty-five\t years,\t and\t I\t have\t been\t to\t at\t least\t five\t Power\t Rangers\u2013 themed\tbirthday\tparties\tof\tyours.\tThe\tlast\tone\twas\twhen\tyou\tturned\tseventeen.\u201d Malcolm\tattempted\tto\tcover\this\tlaugh\twith\ta\tcough. \u201cI\tknow\twhen\tyour\tbirthday\tis.\u201d \u201cYou\t always\t had\t it\t wrong,\t I\t was\t just\t too\t nice\t to\t tell\t you.\u201d\t He\t clasped Adam\u2019s\tshoulder.\t\u201cSo,\tChinese\tto\tcelebrate\tthe\tblessing\tof\tmy\tbirth?\u201d \u201cWhy\t not\t Thai?\u201d\t Malcolm\t interjected,\t addressing\t Holden\t and\t ignoring Adam. Holden\t made\t a\t whiny\t noise\t and\t started\t saying\t something\t about\t the\t lack\t of good\t larb\t in\t Stanford,\t something\t Olive\t would\t have\t normally\t been\t interested\t in hearing,\texcept\tthat\u2014 Adam\t was\t looking\t at\t her\t again.\t From\t several\t inches\t above\t Holden\u2019s\t and Malcolm\u2019s\t heads,\t Adam\t was\t looking\t at\t her\t with\t an\t expression\t that\t was\t half apologetic,\thalf\tannoyed,\tand\t.\t.\t.\tall\tintimate,\treally.\tSomething\tfamiliar\tthey\u2019d shared\tbefore.\tOlive\tfelt\tsomething\tinside\ther\tmelt\tand\tsuppressed\ta\tsmile. Suddenly,\tdinner\tseemed\tlike\ta\tgreat\tidea. It\t will\t be\t fun,\t she\t mouthed\t at\t him\t while\t Holden\t and\t Malcolm\t were\t busy arguing\tabout\twhether\tthey\tshould\tjust\ttry\tthat\tnew\tburger\tplace. It\t will\t be\t excruciating,\t he\t mouthed\t back\t barely\t parting\t his\t lips,\t looking resigned\tand\tput-upon\tand\tjust\tso\tamazingly\tAdam\tthat\tOlive\tcouldn\u2019t\thelp\tbut burst\tinto\tlaughter. Holden\tand\tMalcolm\tstopped\targuing\tand\tturned\tto\ther.\t\u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cNothing,\u201d\tOlive\tsaid.\tThe\tcorner\tof\tAdam\u2019s\tmouth\twas\tcurling\tup,\ttoo. \u201cWhy\tare\tyou\tlaughing,\tOl?\u201d She\topened\ther\tmouth\tto\tdeflect,\tbut\tAdam\tbeat\ther\tto\tit. \u201cFine.\t We\u2019ll\t go.\u201d\t He\t said\t \u201cwe\u201d\t like\t he\t and\t Olive\t were\t a\t \u201cwe,\u201d\t like\t it\t had never\t been\t fake\t after\t all,\t and\t her\t breath\t caught\t in\t her\t throat.\t \u201cBut\t I\u2019m\t excused","from\t any\t birthday-related\t outings\t for\t the\t next\t year.\t Actually,\t make\t it\t the\t next two.\tAnd\tveto\ton\tthe\tnew\tburger\tplace.\u201d Holden\tfist-pumped,\tand\tthen\tfrowned.\t\u201cWhy\tveto\ton\tburgers?\u201d \u201cBecause,\u201d\the\tsaid,\tholding\tOlive\u2019s\teyes,\t\u201cburgers\ttaste\tlike\tfoot.\u201d \u2014 \u201cWE\t SHOULD\t START\t by\t addressing\t the\t obvious,\u201d\t Holden\t said,\t chewing\t on\t the complimentary\t appetizers,\t and\t Olive\t tensed\t in\t her\t seat.\t She\t wasn\u2019t\t sure\t she wanted\t to\t discuss\t the\t Tom\t situation\t with\t Malcolm\t and\t Holden\t before\t talking about\tit\twith\tAdam\talone. As\tit\tturned\tout,\tshe\tshouldn\u2019t\thave\tworried. \u201cWhich\tis\tthat\tMalcolm\tand\tAdam\thate\teach\tother.\u201d Next\t to\t her\t in\t the\t booth,\t Adam\t frowned\t in\t confusion.\t Malcolm,\t who\t was sitting\tacross\tfrom\tOlive,\tcovered\this\tface\twith\this\tpalms\tand\tgroaned. \u201cI\t am\t reliably\t informed,\u201d\t Holden\t continued,\t undeterred,\t \u201cthat\t Adam\t called Malcolm\u2019s\t experiments\t \u2018sloppy\u2019\t and\t \u2018a\t misuse\t of\t research\t funds\u2019\t during\t a committee\t meeting,\t and\t that\t Malcolm\t took\t offense\t to\t that.\t Now,\t Adam,\t I\u2019ve been\ttelling\tMalcolm\tthat\tyou\twere\tprobably\tjust\thaving\ta\tbad\tday\u2014maybe\tone of\t your\t grads\t had\t split\t an\t infinitive\t in\t an\t email,\t or\t your\t arugula\t salad\t wasn\u2019t organic\tenough.\tDo\tyou\thave\tanything\tto\tsay\tfor\tyourself?\u201d \u201cUh\t .\t .\t .\u201d\t Adam\u2019s\t frown\t deepened,\t and\t so\t did\t Malcolm\u2019s\t facepalm.\t Holden waited\t pointedly\t for\t an\t answer,\t and\t Olive\t watched\t it\t all\t unfold,\t wondering\t if she\tshould\ttake\tout\ther\tphone\tand\tfilm\tthis\tcar\tcrash.\t\u201cI\thave\tno\trecollection\tof that\tcommittee\tmeeting.\tThough\tit\tdoes\tsound\tlike\tsomething\tI\twould\tsay.\u201d \u201cGreat.\t Now\t tell\t Malcolm\t it\t wasn\u2019t\t personal,\t so\t we\t can\t move\t on\t and\t have fried\trice.\u201d \u201cOh\tmy\tGod,\u201d\tMalcolm\tmuttered.\t\u201cHolden,\tplease.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tnot\thaving\tfried\trice,\u201d\tAdam\tsaid. \u201cYou\t can\t have\t raw\t bamboo\t while\t the\t normal\t people\t have\t fried\t rice.\t But\t as of\tright\tnow,\tmy\tboyfriend\tthinks\tthat\this\tBFF\u2019s\tboyfriend\tand\tmy\town\tBFF\thas it\tout\tfor\thim,\tand\tit\u2019s\tcramping\tmy\tdouble-dating\tstyle,\tso\tplease.\u201d Adam\tblinked\tslowly.\t\u201cBFF?\u201d \u201cAdam.\u201d\t Holden\t pointed\t at\t a\t grimacing\t Malcolm\t with\t his\t thumb.\t \u201cNow, please.\u201d","Adam\t sighed\t heavily,\t but\t he\t turned\t to\t Malcolm.\t \u201cWhatever\t I\t said\t or\t did,\t it was\t not\t personal.\t I\u2019ve\t been\t told\t that\t I\t can\t be\t needlessly\t antagonistic.\t And unapproachable.\u201d Olive\t didn\u2019t\t get\t to\t see\t Malcolm\u2019s\t reaction.\t Because\t she\t was\t busy\t studying Adam\tand\tthe\tslight\tcurl\ton\this\tlips,\tthe\tone\tthat\tbecame\tan\talmost\tsmile\twhen he\tlooked\tat\tOlive\tand\tmet\ther\teyes.\tFor\ta\tsecond,\tthe\tbrief\tsecond\tshe\theld\this gaze\t before\t he\t looked\t away,\t it\t was\t just\t the\t two\t of\t them.\t And\t this\t sort-of-past they\t shared,\t their\t stupid\t inside\t jokes,\t the\t way\t they\u2019d\t teased\t each\t other\t in\t the late-summer\tsunlight. \u201cPerfect.\u201d\t Holden\t clapped\t his\t hands,\t intrusively\t loud.\t \u201cEgg\t rolls\t for appetizer,\tyes?\u201d It\t was\t a\t good\t idea,\t this\t dinner.\t This\t night,\t this\t table,\t this\t moment.\t Sitting next\t to\t Adam,\t smelling\t the\t petrichor,\t watching\t the\t dark\t splotches\t on\t the\t gray cotton\tof\this\tHenley\tfrom\tthe\tstorm\tthat\thad\tstarted\tjust\tas\tthey\u2019d\tslipped\tinside the\trestaurant.\tThey\twould\thave\tto\ttalk,\tlater,\thave\ta\tserious\tconversation\tabout Tom\t and\t many\t other\t things.\t But\t for\t now\t it\t was\t the\t way\t it\t had\t always\t been between\tAdam\tand\ther:\tlike\tslipping\tinto\ta\tfavorite\tdress,\tone\tshe\u2019d\tthought\tlost inside\ther\tcloset,\tand\tfinding\tthat\tit\tfit\tas\tcomfortably\tas\tit\tused\tto. \u201cI\t want\t egg\t rolls.\u201d\t She\t glanced\t at\t Adam.\t His\t hair\t was\t starting\t to\t get\t long again,\t so\t she\t did\t what\t felt\t natural:\t reached\t out\t and\t flattened\t his\t cowlick.\t \u201cI\u2019m going\t to\t take\t a\t wild\t guess\t and\t assume\t that\t you\t hate\t egg\t rolls,\t just\t like everything\telse\tthat\u2019s\tgood\tin\tthe\tworld.\u201d He\t mouthed\t smart-ass\t right\t as\t the\t waiter\t brought\t their\t waters\t and\t set\t the menus\ton\tthe\ttable.\tThree\tmenus,\tto\tbe\tprecise.\tHolden\tand\tMalcolm\teach\ttook one,\t and\t Olive\t and\t Adam\t exchanged\t a\t loaded,\t amused\t look\t and\t grabbed\t the remaining\t one\t to\t share.\t It\t worked\t perfectly:\t he\t angled\t it\t so\t that\t the\t veggie section\t was\t on\t his\t side\t and\t all\t manner\t of\t fried\t entr\u00e9es\t were\t on\t hers.\t It\t was serendipitous\tenough\tthat\tshe\tlet\tout\ta\tlaugh. Adam\t tapped\t his\t index\t finger\t on\t the\t drink\t section.\t \u201cLook\t at\t this abomination,\u201d\t he\t murmured.\t His\t lips\t were\t close\t to\t her\t ear\u2014a\t chuff\t of\t hot\t air, intimate\tand\tpleasant\tin\tthe\tblasting\tAC. She\tgrinned.\t\u201cNo\tway.\u201d \u201cAppalling.\u201d \u201cAmazing,\tyou\tmean.\u201d","\u201cI\tdo\tnot.\u201d \u201cThis\tis\tmy\tnew\tfavorite\trestaurant.\u201d \u201cYou\thaven\u2019t\teven\ttried\tit\tyet.\u201d \u201cIt\twill\tbe\tspectacular.\u201d \u201cIt\twill\tbe\thorrific\u2014\u201d A\t throat\t cleared,\t reminding\t them\t that\t they\t were\t not\t alone.\t Malcolm\t and Holden\t were\t both\t staring\u2014Malcolm\t with\t a\t shrewd,\t suspicious\t expression,\t and Holden\twith\ta\tknowing\tsmile.\t\u201cWhat\u2019s\tall\tthat\tabout?\u201d \u201cOh.\u201d\t Olive\u2019s\t cheeks\t warmed\t a\t little.\t \u201cNothing.\t They\t just\t have\t pumpkin spice\tbubble\ttea.\u201d Malcolm\tpretended\tto\tgag.\t\u201cUgh,\tOl.\tGross.\u201d \u201cShut\tup.\u201d \u201cIt\tsounds\t great.\u201d\tHolden\t smiled\t and\t leaned\tinto\t Malcolm.\t\u201cWe\t should\t get one\tto\tsplit.\u201d \u201cExcuse\tme?\u201d Olive\t tried\t not\t to\t laugh\t at\t Malcolm\u2019s\t horrified\t expression.\t \u201cDon\u2019t\t get Malcolm\tstarted\ton\tpumpkin\tspice,\u201d\tshe\ttold\tHolden\tin\tan\texaggerated\twhisper. \u201cOh,\tshit.\u201d\tHolden\tclutched\this\tchest\tin\tmock\tterror. \u201cThis\tis\ta\tserious\tmatter.\u201d\tMalcolm\tlet\this\tmenu\tfall\ton\tthe\ttable.\t\u201cPumpkin spice\tis\tSatan\u2019s\tdandruff,\tharbinger\tof\tthe\tapocalypse,\tand\tit\ttastes\tlike\tass\u2014not in\t the\t good\t way.\u201d\t Next\t to\t Olive\t Adam\t nodded\t slowly,\t highly\t impressed\t with Malcolm\u2019s\t rant.\t \u201cOne\t pumpkin\t spice\t latte\t contains\t the\t same\t amount\t of\t sugar you\u2019d\tfind\tin\tfifty\tSkittles\u2014and\tno\tpumpkin\twhatsoever.\tLook\tit\tup.\u201d Adam\t stared\t at\t Malcolm\t with\t something\t very\t similar\t to\t admiration.\t Holden met\tOlive\u2019s\teyes\tand\ttold\ther\tconspiratorially,\t\u201cOur\tboyfriends\thave\tso\tmuch\tin common.\u201d \u201cThey\tdo.\tThey\tthink\thating\tentire\tharmless\tfamilies\tof\tfood\tis\ta\tpersonality trait.\u201d \u201cPumpkin\tspice\tis\tnot\tharmless.\tIt\u2019s\ta\tradioactive,\toverpowering\tsugar\tbomb that\tworms\tits\tway\tinto\tevery\tsort\tof\tproduct\tand\tis\tsingle-handedly\tresponsible for\tthe\textinction\tof\tthe\tCaribbean\tmonk\tseal.\tAnd\tyou\u201d\u2014he\tpointed\this\tfinger at\tHolden\u2014\u201care\ton\tthin\tice.\u201d \u201cWhat\u2014why?\u201d \u201cI\tcan\u2019t\tdate\tsomeone\twho\tdoesn\u2019t\trespect\tmy\tstance\ton\tpumpkin\tspice.\u201d","\u201cTo\t be\t fair\t it\u2019s\t not\t a\t very\t respectable\t stance\u2014\u201d\t Holden\t noticed\t Malcolm\u2019s glare\tand\tlifted\this\thands\tdefensively.\t\u201cI\thad\tno\tidea,\tbabe.\u201d \u201cYou\tshould\thave.\u201d Adam\tclucked\this\ttongue,\tamused.\t\u201cYes,\tHolden.\tDo\tbetter.\u201d\tHe\tleaned\tback in\this\tseat,\tand\this\tshoulder\tbrushed\tagainst\tOlive\u2019s.\tHolden\tgave\thim\tthe\tfinger. \u201cAdam\t knows\t and\t respects\t Olive\u2019s\t stance\t on\t hamburgers,\t and\t they\u2019re\t not even\u2014\u201d\t Whatever\t Malcolm\t had\t been\t about\t to\t say,\t he\t had\t the\t sense\t to\t stop himself.\t\u201cWell,\tif\tAdam\tknows,\tyou\tshould\tknow\tabout\tthe\tpumpkin\tspice.\u201d \u201cWasn\u2019t\tAdam\ta\tdick\tuntil,\tlike,\ttwelve\tseconds\tago?\u201d \u201cHow\t the\t turntables,\u201d\t Adam\t murmured.\t Olive\t reached\t out\t to\t pinch\t him\t on the\tside,\tbut\the\tstopped\ther\twith\ta\thand\taround\ther\twrist. Evil,\t she\t mouthed\t at\t him.\t He\t just\t smiled,\t evilly,\t studying\t Malcolm\t and Holden\ta\tlittle\ttoo\tgleefully. \u201cCome\ton.\tIt\u2019s\tnot\teven\tcomparable,\u201d\tHolden\twas\tsaying.\t\u201cOlive\tand\tAdam have\tbeen\ttogether\tfor\tyears.\tWe\tmet\tless\tthan\ta\tweek\tago.\u201d \u201cThey\t have\t not,\u201d\t Malcolm\t corrected\t him,\t wagging\t a\t finger.\t Adam\u2019s\t hand was\t still\t curled\t around\t her\t wrist.\t \u201cThey\t started\t dating,\t like,\t a\t month\t before\t we did.\u201d \u201cNo,\u201d\t Holden\t insisted.\t \u201cAdam\t was\t into\t her\t for\t ages.\t He\t probably\t secretly studied\t her\t eating\t habits\t and\t compiled\t seventeen\t databases\t and\t built\t machine- learning\talgorithms\tto\tpredict\ther\tculinary\tpreferences\u2014\u201d Olive\tburst\tinto\tlaughter.\t\u201cHe\tdid\tnot.\u201d\tShe\ttook\ta\tsip\tof\twater,\tstill\tsmiling. \u201cWe\tonly\tjust\tstarted\thanging\tout.\tAt\tthe\tbeginning\tof\tthe\tfall\tsemester.\u201d \u201cYes,\t but\t you\t knew\t each\t other\t from\t earlier.\u201d\t Holden\t was\t frowning.\t \u201cYou two\t met\t the\t year\t before\t you\t started\t your\t Ph.D.\t here,\t when\t you\t came\t for\t your interview,\tand\the\u2019s\tbeen\tpining\tafter\tyou\tever\tsince.\u201d Olive\tshook\ther\thead\tand\tlaughed,\tturning\tto\tAdam\tto\tshare\ther\tamusement. Except\t that\t Adam\t was\t staring\t at\t her\t already,\t and\t he\t did\t not\t look\t amused.\t He looked\t.\t.\t.\tsomething\telse.\tWorried\tmaybe,\tor\tapologetic,\tor\tresigned.\tPanicky? And\t just\t like\t that,\t the\t restaurant\t was\t silent.\t The\t pitter-patter\t of\t rain\t on\t the windows,\t people\u2019s\t chatter,\t the\t clinking\t of\t silverware\u2014it\t all\t receded;\t the\t floor tilted,\t shook\t a\t little,\t and\t the\t AC\t was\t just\t this\t side\t of\t too\t cold.\t At\t some\t point, Adam\u2019s\tfingers\thad\tlet\tgo\tof\ther\twrist.","Olive\t thought\t back\t to\t the\t bathroom\t incident.\t To\t burning\t eyes\t and\t wet cheeks,\tthe\tsmell\tof\treagent\tand\tclean,\tmale\tskin.\tThe\tblur\tof\ta\tlarge,\tdark\tfigure standing\t in\t front\t of\t her\t with\t his\t deep,\t reassuring,\t amused\t voice.\t The\t panic\t of being\t twenty-three\t and\t alone\t and\t having\t no\t idea\t what\t she\t should\t be\t doing, where\tshe\tshould\tbe\tgoing,\twhat\tthe\tright\tchoice\twas. Is\tmine\ta\tgood\tenough\treason\tto\tgo\tto\tgrad\tschool? It\u2019s\tthe\tbest\tone. All\tof\ta\tsudden,\tthings\thad\tseemed\tsimple\tenough. It\thad\tbeen\tAdam,\tafter\tall.\tOlive\thad\tbeen\tright. What\tshe\thadn\u2019t\tbeen\tright\tabout\twas\twhether\the\tremembered\ther. \u201cYes,\u201d\t she\t said.\t She\t wasn\u2019t\t smiling\t anymore.\t Adam\t was\t still\t holding\t her gaze.\t\u201cI\tguess\the\thas.\u201d","Chapter\tTwenty-Two \tHYPOTHESIS:\tWhen\tgiven\ta\tchoice\tbetween\tA\t(telling\ta\tlie)\tand\tB\t(telling\tthe truth),\tI\twill\tinevitably\tend\tup\tselecting\t.\t.\t. No.\tNot\tthis\ttime. Olive\thad\tno\tdoubt\tthat\tHolden\u2019s\ttales\twere\thighly\tembellished\tand\tthe\tresult\tof years\tof\tcomedy\tworkshopping,\tbut\tshe\tstill\tcouldn\u2019t\thelp\tlaughing\tharder\tthan ever\tbefore. \u201cAnd\tI\u2019m\tawakened\tby\tthis\twaterfall\tpouring\tdown\ton\tme\u2014\u201d Adam\trolled\this\teyes.\t\u201cIt\twas\ta\tdrop.\u201d \u201cAnd\tI\u2019m\tasking\tmyself\twhy\tit\u2019s\training\tinside\tthe\tcabin,\twhen\tI\trealize\tthat it\u2019s\tcoming\tfrom\tthe\ttop\tbunk\tand\tthat\tAdam,\twho\twas,\tlike,\tthirteen\tat\tthe\ttime \u2014\u201d \u201cSix.\tI\twas\tsix,\tand\tyou\twere\tseven.\u201d \u201cHad\tpissed\tthe\tbed,\tand\tthe\tpiss\twas\tseeping\tthrough\tthe\tmattress\tand\tonto me.\u201d Olive\u2019s\thands\tflew\tup\tto\tcover\ther\tmouth,\tnot\tquite\tsucceeding\tat\thiding\ther amusement\u2014just\tlike\tshe\u2019d\tfailed\twhen\tHolden\thad\trecounted\tthat\ta\tdalmatian puppy\t had\t once\t bitten\t Adam\u2019s\t ass\t through\t his\t jeans,\t or\t that\t he\u2019d\t been\t voted \u201cMost\tlikely\tto\tmake\tpeople\tcry\u201d\tin\this\tsenior\tyearbook. At\tleast\tAdam\tdidn\u2019t\tact\tembarrassed,\tand\tnot\tnearly\tas\tupset\tas\the\u2019d\tseemed after\t Holden\t had\t talked\t about\t him\t pining\t after\t her.\t Which\t explained\t .\t .\t .\t so many\tthings. Everything,\tmaybe. \u201cMan.\tSix\tyears\told.\u201d\tMalcolm\tshook\this\thead\tand\twiped\this\teyes. \u201cI\twas\tsick.\u201d","\u201cStill.\tSeems\tkind\tof\told\tto\thave\tan\taccident?\u201d Adam\t simply\t stared\t at\t Malcolm\t until\t he\t lowered\t his\t gaze.\t \u201cUh,\t maybe\t not that\told\tafter\tall,\u201d\the\tmuttered. There\twas\ta\tlarge\tbowl\tof\tfortune\tcookies\tby\tthe\tregister.\tOlive\tnoticed\tit\ton her\tway\tout\tof\tthe\trestaurant,\tlet\tout\ta\tdelighted\tsqueal,\tand\tdipped\ther\thand\tin to\tfish\tout\tfour\tplastic\tpackages.\tShe\thanded\tone\teach\tto\tMalcolm\tand\tHolden, and\theld\tout\tanother\tfor\tAdam\twith\ta\tmischievous\tsmile.\t\u201cYou\thate\tthese,\tdon\u2019t you?\u201d \u201cI\tdon\u2019t.\u201d\tHe\taccepted\tthe\tcookie.\t\u201cI\tjust\tthink\tthey\ttaste\tlike\tStyrofoam.\u201d \u201cProbably\t have\t similar\t nutritional\t values,\t too,\u201d\t Malcolm\t muttered\t as\t they slipped\tout\tinto\tthe\tchilly\thumidity\tof\tthe\tearly\tnight.\tSurprisingly,\the\tand\tAdam were\tfinding\tlots\tof\tcommon\tground. It\t wasn\u2019t\t raining\t anymore,\t but\t the\t street\t was\t shiny\t in\t the\t light\t under\t a lamppost;\ta\tsoft\tbreeze\tmade\tthe\tleaves\trustle\tand\tstray\tdrops\tof\twater\tscatter\tto the\tground.\tThe\tair\twas\tfresh\tin\tOlive\u2019s\tlungs,\tpleasantly\tso\tafter\tthe\thours\tspent in\t the\t restaurant.\t She\t unrolled\t her\t sleeves,\t accidentally\t brushing\t her\t hand against\t Adam\u2019s\t abs.\t She\t smiled\t up\t at\t him,\t playfully\t apologetic;\t he\t flushed\t and averted\this\teyes. \u201c\u2009\u2018He\t who\t laughs\t at\t himself\t never\t runs\t out\t of\t things\t to\t laugh\t at.\u2019\u2009\u201d\t Holden popped\ta\tbit\tof\tfortune\tcookie\tin\this\tmouth,\tblinking\tat\tthe\tmessage\tinside.\t\u201cIs that\t shade?\u201d\t He\t looked\t around,\t indignant.\t \u201cDid\t this\t fortune\t cookie\t just\t throw shade\tat\tme?\u201d \u201cSounds\tlike\tit,\u201d\tMalcolm\tanswered.\t\u201cMine\tsays\t\u2018Why\tnot\ttreat\tyourself\tto\ta good\ttime\tinstead\tof\twaiting\tfor\tsomebody\telse\tto\tdo\tit?\u2019\tI\tthink\tmy\tcookie\tjust shaded\tyou,\ttoo,\tbabe.\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s\twrong\twith\tthis\tbatch?\u201d\tHolden\tpointed\tat\tAdam\tand\tOlive.\t\u201cWhat do\tyours\tsay?\u201d Olive\twas\talready\topening\thers,\tnibbling\ton\ta\tcorner\tas\tshe\tpulled\tthe\tpaper out.\t It\t was\t very\t banal,\t and\t yet\t her\t heart\t skipped\t beat.\t \u201cMine\u2019s\t normal,\u201d\t she informed\tHolden. \u201cYou\u2019re\tlying.\u201d \u201cNope.\u201d \u201cWhat\tdoes\tit\tsay?\u201d","\u201c\u2009\u2018It\u2019s\t never\t too\t late\t to\t tell\t the\t truth.\u2019\u2009\u201d\t She\t shrugged,\t and\t turned\t to\t throw away\t the\t plastic\t wrapper.\t At\t the\t last\t moment,\t she\t decided\t to\t keep\t the\t strip\t of paper\tand\tslip\tit\tinside\ther\tjeans\u2019\tback\tpocket. \u201cAdam,\topen\tyours.\u201d \u201cNah.\u201d \u201cCome\ton.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tnot\tgoing\tto\teat\ta\tpiece\tof\tcardboard\tbecause\tit\thurt\tyour\tfeelings.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re\ta\tshit\tfriend.\u201d \u201cAccording\tto\tthe\tfortune\tcookie\tindustry,\tyou\u2019re\ta\tshit\tboyfriend,\tso\u2014\u201d \u201cGive\t it\t here,\u201d\t Olive\t interjected,\t plucking\t the\t cookie\t out\t of\t Adam\u2019s\t hand. \u201cI\u2019ll\teat\tit.\tAnd\tread\tit.\u201d The\tparking\tlot\twas\tcompletely\tempty,\tsave\tfor\tAdam\u2019s\tand\tMalcolm\u2019s\tcars. Holden\t had\t ridden\t from\t the\t airport\t with\t Adam,\t but\t he\t and\t Malcolm\t were planning\tto\tspend\tthe\tnight\tat\tHolden\u2019s\tapartment\tto\twalk\tFleming,\this\tdog. \u201cAdam\u2019s\tgiving\tyou\ta\tride,\tright,\tOl?\u201d \u201cNo\tneed.\tIt\u2019s\tless\tthan\ta\tten-minute\twalk\thome.\u201d \u201cBut\twhat\tabout\tyour\tsuitcase?\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\t not\t heavy,\t and\t I\u2014\u201d\t She\t stopped\t abruptly,\t worried\t her\t lip\t for\t a\t second while\t she\t contemplated\t the\t possibilities,\t and\t then\t felt\t herself\t smile,\t at\t once tentative\tand\tpurposeful.\t\u201cActually,\tAdam\twill\twalk\tme\thome.\tRight?\u201d He\t was\t silent\t and\t inscrutable\t for\t a\t moment.\t Then\t he\t calmly\t said,\t \u201cOf course,\u201d\tslipped\this\tkeys\tin\tthe\tpocket\tof\this\tjeans,\tand\tslid\tthe\tstrap\tof\tOlive\u2019s duffel\tbag\tover\this\tshoulder. \u201cWhere\t do\t you\t live?\u201d\t he\t asked\t when\t Holden\t was\t not\t within\t earshot anymore. She\tpointed\tsilently.\t\u201cYou\tsure\tyou\twant\tto\tcarry\tmy\tbag?\tI\theard\tit\u2019s\teasy\tto throw\tout\tyour\tback,\tonce\tyou\treach\ta\tcertain\tage.\u201d He\tglared\tat\ther,\tand\tOlive\tlaughed,\tfalling\tinto\tstep\twith\thim\tas\tthey\theaded out\tof\tthe\tparking\tlot.\tThe\tstreet\twas\tsilent,\texcept\tfor\tthe\tsoles\tof\ther\tConverse catching\ton\tthe\twet\tconcrete\tand\tMalcolm\u2019s\tcar\tpassing\tthem\tby\ta\tfew\tseconds later. \u201cHey,\u201d\tHolden\tasked\tfrom\tthe\tpassenger\twindow.\t\u201cWhat\tdid\tAdam\u2019s\tfortune cookie\tsay?\u201d","\u201cMmm.\u201d\t Olive\t made\t a\t show\t to\t look\t at\t the\t strip.\t \u201cNot\t much.\t Just\t \u2018Holden Rodrigues,\tPh.D.,\tis\ta\tloser.\u2019\u2009\u201d\tMalcolm\tsped\tup\tjust\tas\tHolden\tflipped\ther\toff, making\ther\tburst\tinto\tlaughter. \u201cWhat\tdoes\tit\treally\tsay?\u201d\tAdam\tasked\twhen\tthey\twere\tfinally\talone. Olive\t handed\t him\t the\t crumpled\t paper\t and\t remained\t silent\t as\t he\t angled\t it\t to read\tit\tin\tthe\tlamplight.\tShe\twasn\u2019t\tsurprised\twhen\tshe\tsaw\ta\tmuscle\tjump\tin\this jaw,\t or\t when\t he\t slid\t the\t fortune\t into\t the\t pocket\t of\t his\t jeans.\t She\t knew\t what\t it said,\tafter\tall. You\tcan\tfall\tin\tlove:\tsomeone\twill\tcatch\tyou. \u201cCan\twe\ttalk\tabout\tTom?\u201d\tshe\tasked,\tsidestepping\ta\tpuddle.\t\u201cWe\tdon\u2019t\thave to,\tbut\tif\twe\tcan\t.\t.\t.\u201d \u201cWe\tcan.\tWe\tshould.\u201d\tShe\tsaw\this\tthroat\twork.\t\u201cHarvard\u2019s\tgoing\tto\tfire\thim, of\t course.\t Other\t disciplinary\t measures\t are\t still\t being\t decided\u2014there\t were meetings\t until\t very\t late\t last\t night.\u201d\t He\t gave\t her\t a\t quick\t glance.\t \u201cThat\u2019s\t why\t I didn\u2019t\t call\t you\t earlier.\t Harvard\u2019s\t Title\t IX\t coordinator\t should\t be\t in\t touch\t with you\tsoon.\u201d Good.\t\u201cWhat\tabout\tyour\tgrant?\u201d His\t jaw\t clenched.\t \u201cI\u2019m\t not\t sure.\t I\u2019ll\t figure\t something\t out\u2014or\t not.\t I\t don\u2019t particularly\tcare\tat\tthe\tmoment.\u201d It\t surprised\t her.\t And\t then\t it\t didn\u2019t,\t not\t when\t she\t considered\t that\t the professional\t implications\t of\t Tom\u2019s\t betrayal\t couldn\u2019t\t have\t cut\t as\t deeply\t as\t the personal\tones.\t\u201cI\u2019m\tsorry,\tAdam.\tI\tknow\the\twas\tyour\tfriend\u2014\u201d \u201cHe\twasn\u2019t.\u201d\tAdam\tabruptly\tstopped\tin\tthe\tmiddle\tof\tthe\tstreet.\tHe\tturned\tto her,\t his\t eyes\t a\t clear,\t deep\t brown.\t \u201cI\t had\t no\t idea,\t Olive.\t I\t thought\t I\t knew\t him, but\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tHis\tAdam\u2019s\tapple\tbobbed.\t\u201cI\tshould\tnever\thave\ttrusted\thim\twith\tyou. I\u2019m\tsorry.\u201d He\tsaid\tit\u2014\u201cwith\tyou\u201d\u2014like\tOlive\twas\tsomething\tspecial,\tuniquely\tprecious to\t him.\t His\t most\t beloved\t treasure.\t It\t made\t her\t want\t to\t shiver,\t and\t laugh,\t and weep\tat\tthe\tsame\ttime.\tIt\tmade\ther\thappy\tand\tconfused. \u201cI\t was\t .\t .\t .\t I\t was\t afraid\t you\t might\t be\t mad\t at\t me.\t For\t ruining\t things.\t Your relationship\t with\t Tom,\t and\t maybe\t .\t .\t .\t maybe\t you\t won\u2019t\t be\t able\t to\t move\t to Boston\tanymore.\u201d He\tshook\this\thead.\t\u201cI\tdon\u2019t\tcare.\tI\tcouldn\u2019t\tcare\tless\tabout\tany\tof\tit.\u201d\tHe\theld her\teyes\tfor\ta\tlong\tmoment,\this\tmouth\tworking\tas\tthough\the\twas\tswallowing\tthe","rest\t of\t his\t words.\t But\t he\t never\t continued,\t so\t Olive\t nodded\t and\t turned\t around, starting\tto\twalk\tagain. \u201cI\tthink\tI\u2019ve\tfound\tanother\tlab.\tTo\tfinish\tmy\tstudy.\tCloser,\tso\tI\twon\u2019t\thave\tto move\t next\t year.\u201d\t She\t pushed\t her\t hair\t behind\t her\t ear\t and\t smiled\t at\t him.\t There was\tsomething\tintrinsically\tenjoyable\tin\thaving\thim\tnext\tto\ther,\tso\tphysical\tand undeniable.\t She\t felt\t it\t on\t some\t primal,\t visceral\t level,\t the\t giddy\t happiness\t that always\tcame\twith\this\tpresence.\tSuddenly,\tTom\twas\tthe\tlast\tthing\tshe\twanted\tto discuss\twith\tAdam.\t\u201cDinner\twas\tnice.\tAnd\tyou\twere\tright,\tby\tthe\tway.\u201d \u201cAbout\tthe\tpumpkin\tsludge?\u201d \u201cNo,\tthat\twas\tamazing.\tAbout\tHolden.\tHe\treally\tis\tinsufferable.\u201d \u201cHe\tgrows\ton\tyou,\tafter\ta\tdecade\tor\tso.\u201d \u201cDoes\the?\u201d \u201cNah.\tNot\treally.\u201d \u201cPoor\tHolden.\u201d\tShe\thuffed\tout\ta\tsmall\tlaugh.\t\u201cYou\tweren\u2019t\tthe\tonly\tone\twho remembered,\tby\tthe\tway.\u201d He\tglanced\tat\ther.\t\u201cRemembered\twhat?\u201d \u201cOur\tmeeting.\tThe\tone\tin\tthe\tbathroom,\twhen\tI\tcame\tto\tinterview.\u201d Olive\t thought\t that\t maybe\t his\t step\t faltered\t for\t a\t split\t second.\t Or\t maybe\t it didn\u2019t.\tStill,\tthere\twas\ta\ttinge\tof\tuncertainty\tin\tthe\tdeep\tbreath\the\ttook. \u201cDid\tyou\treally?\u201d \u201cYup.\tIt\tjust\ttook\tme\ta\twhile\tto\trealize\tthat\tit\twas\tyou.\tWhy\tdidn\u2019t\tyou\tsay anything?\u201d\tShe\twas\tso\tcurious\tabout\twhat\thad\tbeen\tgoing\ton\tin\tAdam\u2019s\thead\tin the\tpast\tfew\tdays,\tweeks,\tyears.\tShe\twas\tstarting\tto\timagine\tquite\ta\tbit,\tbut\tsome things\t.\t.\t.\tsome\tthings\the\u2019d\thave\tto\tclear\tup\tfor\ther. \u201cBecause\t you\t introduced\t yourself\t like\t we\u2019d\t never\t met\t before.\u201d\t She\t thought maybe\t he\t was\t flushing\t a\t little.\t Maybe\t not.\t Maybe\t it\t was\t impossible\t to\t tell,\t in the\tstarless\tsky\tand\tthe\tfaint\tyellow\tlights.\t\u201cAnd\tI\u2019d\tbeen\t.\t.\t.\tI\u2019d\tbeen\tthinking about\tyou.\tFor\tyears.\tAnd\tI\tdidn\u2019t\twant\tto\t.\t.\t.\u201d She\t could\t only\t imagine.\t They\u2019d\t passed\t each\t other\t in\t the\t hallways,\t been\t at countless\t department\t research\t symposiums\t and\t seminars\t together.\t She\t hadn\u2019t thought\tanything\tof\tit,\tbut\tnow\t.\t.\t.\tnow\tshe\twondered\twhat\the\thad\tthought. He\u2019d\t been\t going\t on\t and\t on\t about\t this\t amazing\t girl\t for\t years,\t but\t he\t was concerned\tabout\tbeing\tin\tthe\tsame\tdepartment,\tHolden\thad\tsaid. And\tOlive\thad\tassumed\tso\tmuch.\tShe\thad\tbeen\tso\twrong.","\u201cYou\tdidn\u2019t\tneed\tto\tlie,\tyou\tknow,\u201d\tshe\tsaid,\tnot\taccusing. He\tadjusted\tthe\tstrap\tof\ther\tsuitcase\ton\this\tshoulder.\t\u201cI\tdidn\u2019t.\u201d \u201cYou\tsort\tof\tdid.\tBy\tomission.\u201d \u201cTrue.\tAre\tyou\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tHe\tpressed\this\tlips\ttogether.\t\u201cAre\tyou\tupset?\u201d \u201cNo,\tnot\treally.\tIt\u2019s\treally\tnot\tthat\tbad\ta\tlie.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\tnot?\u201d She\tnibbled\ton\ther\tthumbnail\tfor\ta\tmoment.\t\u201cI\u2019ve\tsaid\tmuch\tworse,\tmyself. And\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tbring\tup\tour\tmeeting,\teither,\teven\tafter\tI\tmade\tthe\tconnection.\u201d \u201cStill,\tif\tyou\tfeel\u2014\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tnot\tupset,\u201d\tshe\tsaid,\tgentle\tbut\tfinal.\tShe\tlooked\tup\tat\thim,\twilling\thim to\tunderstand.\tTrying\tto\tfigure\tout\thow\tto\ttell\thim.\tHow\tto\tshow\thim.\t\u201cI\tam\t.\t.\t. other\t things.\u201d\t She\t smiled.\t \u201cGlad,\t for\t instance.\t That\t you\t remembered\t me,\t from that\tday.\u201d \u201cYou\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tA\tpause.\t\u201cYou\tare\tvery\tmemorable.\u201d \u201cHa.\t I\u2019m\t not,\t really.\t I\t was\t no\t one\u2014part\t of\t a\t huge\t incoming\t cohort.\u201d\t She snorted\tand\tlooked\tdown\tto\ther\tfeet.\tHer\tsteps\thad\tto\tbe\tmuch\tquicker\tthan\this to\tkeep\tup\twith\this\tlonger\tlegs.\t\u201cI\thated\tmy\tfirst\tyear.\tIt\twas\tso\tstressful.\u201d He\tglanced\tat\ther,\tsurprised.\t\u201cDo\tyou\tremember\tyour\tfirst\tseminar\ttalk?\u201d \u201cI\tdo.\tWhy?\u201d \u201cYour\t elevator\t pitch\u2014you\t called\t it\t a\t turbolift\t pitch.\t You\t put\t a\t picture\t from The\tNext\tGeneration\ton\tyour\tslides.\u201d \u201cOh,\tyes.\tI\tdid.\u201d\tShe\tlet\tout\ta\tlow\tlaugh.\t\u201cI\tdidn\u2019t\tknow\tyou\twere\ta\tTrekkie.\u201d \u201cI\t had\t a\t phase.\t And\t that\t year\u2019s\t picnic,\t when\t we\t got\t rained\t on.\t You\t were playing\tfreeze\ttag\twith\tsomeone\u2019s\tkids\tfor\thours.\tThey\tloved\tyou\u2014they\thad\tto physically\tpeel\tthe\tyoungest\toff\tyou\tto\tget\thim\tinside\tthe\tcar.\u201d \u201cDr.\t Moss\u2019s\t kids.\u201d\t She\t looked\t at\t him\t curiously.\t A\t light\t breeze\t rose\t and ruffled\t his\t hair,\t but\t he\t didn\u2019t\t seem\t to\t mind.\t \u201cI\t didn\u2019t\t think\t you\t liked\t kids.\t The opposite,\tactually.\u201d He\t lifted\t one\t eyebrow.\t \u201cI\t don\u2019t\t like\t twenty-five-year-olds\t who\t act\t like toddlers.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tmind\tthem\tif\tthey\u2019re\tactually\tthree.\u201d Olive\t smiled.\t \u201cAdam,\t the\t fact\t that\t you\t knew\t who\t I\t was\t .\t .\t .\t Did\t it\t have anything\tto\tdo\twith\tyour\tdecision\tto\tpretend\tto\tdate\tme?\u201d About\t a\t dozen\t expressions\t crossed\t his\t face\t as\t he\t looked\t for\t an\t answer,\t and she\tcouldn\u2019t\tpick\tapart\ta\tsingle\tone.\t\u201cI\twanted\tto\thelp\tyou,\tOlive.\u201d","\u201cI\tknow.\tI\tbelieve\tthat.\u201d\tShe\trubbed\ther\tfingers\tagainst\ther\tmouth.\t\u201cBut\twas that\tall?\u201d He\tpressed\this\tlips\ttogether.\tExhaled.\tClosed\this\teyes,\tand\tfor\ta\tsplit\tsecond looked\t like\t he\t was\t having\t his\t teeth\t and\t his\t soul\t pulled\t out.\t Then\t he\t said, resigned,\t\u201cNo.\u201d \u201cNo,\u201d\t she\t repeated,\t pensive.\t \u201cThis\t is\t my\t place,\t by\t the\t way.\u201d\t She\t pointed\t at the\ttall\tbrick\tbuilding\ton\tthe\tcorner. \u201cRight.\u201d\t Adam\t looked\t around,\t studying\t her\t street.\t \u201cShould\t I\t carry\t your\t bag upstairs?\u201d \u201cI\t.\t.\t.\tMaybe\tlater.\tThere\tis\tsomething\tI\tneed\tto\ttell\tyou.\tBefore.\u201d \u201cOf\tcourse.\u201d He\t stopped\t in\t front\t of\t her,\t and\t she\t looked\t up\t at\t him,\t at\t the\t lines\t of\t his handsome,\t familiar\t face.\t There\t was\t only\t fresh\t breeze\t between\t them,\t and whatever\t distance\t Adam\t had\t seen\t fit\t to\t keep.\t Her\t stubborn,\t mercurial\t fake boyfriend.\t Wonderfully,\t perfectly\t unique.\t Delightfully\t one\t of\t a\t kind.\t Olive\t felt her\theart\toverflow. She\ttook\ta\tdeep\tbreath.\t\u201cThe\tthing\tis,\tAdam\t.\t.\t.\tI\twas\tstupid.\tAnd\twrong.\u201d She\tplayed\tnervously\twith\ta\tlock\tof\ther\thair,\tthen\tlet\ther\thand\tdrift\tdown\tto\ther stomach,\tand\u2014okay.\tOkay.\tShe\twas\tgoing\tto\ttell\thim.\tShe\twould\tdo\tthis.\tNow. \u201cIt\u2019s\t like\u2014it\u2019s\t like\t statistical\t hypothesis\t testing.\t Type\t I\t error.\t It\u2019s\t scary,\t isn\u2019t it?\u201d He\t frowned.\t She\t could\t tell\t he\t had\t no\t idea\t where\t she\t was\t going\t with\t this. \u201cType\tI\terror?\u201d \u201cA\tfalse\tpositive.\tThinking\tthat\tsomething\tis\thappening\twhen\tit\u2019s\tnot.\u201d \u201cI\tknow\twhat\ttype\tI\terror\tis\u2014\u201d \u201cYes,\tof\tcourse.\tIt\u2019s\tjust\t.\t.\t.\tin\tthe\tpast\tfew\tweeks,\twhat\tterrified\tme\twas\tthe idea\tthat\tI\tcould\tmisread\ta\tsituation.\tThat\tI\tcould\tconvince\tmyself\tof\tsomething that\twasn\u2019t\ttrue.\tSee\tsomething\tthat\twasn\u2019t\tthere\tjust\tbecause\tI\twanted\tto\tsee\tit. A\tscientist\u2019s\tworst\tnightmare,\tright?\u201d \u201cRight.\u201d\tHis\tbrows\tfurrowed.\t\u201cThat\tis\twhy\tin\tyour\tanalyses\tyou\tset\ta\tlevel\tof significance\tthat\tis\u2014\u201d \u201cBut\tthe\tthing\tis,\ttype\tII\terror\tis\tbad,\ttoo.\u201d Her\teyes\tbore\tinto\this,\thesitant\tand\turgent\tall\tat\tonce.\tShe\twas\tfrightened\u2014 so\t frightened\t by\t what\t she\t was\t about\t to\t say.\t But\t also\t exhilarated\t for\t him\t to","finally\tknow.\tDetermined\tto\tget\tit\tout. \u201cYes,\u201d\the\tagreed\tslowly,\tconfused.\t\u201cFalse\tnegatives\tare\tbad,\ttoo.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s\tthe\tthing\twith\tscience.\tWe\u2019re\tdrilled\tto\tbelieve\tthat\tfalse\tpositives\tare bad,\tbut\tfalse\tnegatives\tare\tjust\tas\tterrifying.\u201d\tShe\tswallowed.\t\u201cNot\tbeing\table\tto see\t something,\t even\t if\t it\u2019s\t in\t front\t of\t your\t eyes.\t Purposefully\t making\t yourself blind,\tjust\tbecause\tyou\u2019re\tafraid\tof\tseeing\ttoo\tmuch.\u201d \u201cAre\tyou\tsaying\tthat\tstatistics\tgraduate\teducation\tis\tinadequate?\u201d She\texhaled\ta\tlaugh,\tsuddenly\tflushed,\teven\tin\tthe\tdark\tcool\tof\tthe\tnight.\tHer eyes\t were\t starting\t to\t sting.\t \u201cMaybe.\t But\t also\t .\t .\t .\t I\t think\t that\t I\t have\t been inadequate.\tAnd\tI\tdon\u2019t\twant\tto\tbe,\tnot\tanymore.\u201d \u201cOlive.\u201d\tHe\ttook\tone\tstep\tcloser,\tjust\ta\tfew\tinches.\tNot\tenough\tto\tcrowd,\tbut plenty\tfor\ther\tto\tfeel\this\twarmth.\t\u201cAre\tyou\tokay?\u201d \u201cThere\thave\tbeen\t.\t.\t.\tso\tmany\tthings\tthat\thave\thappened,\tbefore\tI\teven\tmet you,\t and\t I\t think\t they\t messed\t me\t up\t a\t little.\t I\u2019ve\t mostly\t lived\t in\t fear\t of\t being alone,\tand\t.\t.\t.\tI\u2019ll\ttell\tyou\tabout\tthem,\tif\tyou\twant.\tFirst,\tI\thave\tto\tfigure\tit\tout on\tmy\town,\twhy\tshielding\tmyself\twith\ta\tbunch\tof\tlies\tseemed\tlike\ta\tbetter\tidea than\tadmitting\teven\tone\tounce\tof\ttruth.\tBut\tI\tthink\t.\t.\t.\u201d She\ttook\ta\tdeep,\tshuddering\tbreath.\tThere\twas\ta\ttear,\tone\tsingle\ttear\tthat\tshe could\tfeel\tsliding\tdown\ther\tcheek.\tAdam\tsaw\tit\tand\tmouthed\ther\tname. \u201cI\tthink\tthat\tsomewhere\talong\tthe\tway\tI\tforgot\tthat\tI\twas\tsomething.\tI\tforgot myself.\u201d She\twas\tthe\tone\twho\tstepped\tcloser.\tThe\tone\twho\tput\ther\thand\ton\tthe\them\tof his\t shirt,\t who\t tugged\t gently\t and\t held\t on\t to\t it,\t who\t started\t touching\t him\t and crying\t and\t smiling\t at\t the\t same\t time.\t \u201cThere\t are\t two\t things\t I\t want\t to\t tell\t you, Adam.\u201d \u201cWhat\tcan\tI\u2014\u201d \u201cPlease.\tJust\tlet\tme\ttell\tyou.\u201d He\twasn\u2019t\tvery\tgood\tat\tit.\tAt\tstanding\tthere\tand\tdoing\tnothing\twhile\ther\teyes welled\tfuller\tand\tfuller.\tShe\tcould\ttell\tthat\the\tfelt\tuseless,\this\thands\tdangling\tin fists\tat\this\tsides,\tand\tshe\t.\t.\t.\tshe\tloved\thim\teven\tmore\tfor\tit.\tFor\tlooking\tat\ther like\tshe\twas\tthe\tbeginning\tand\tend\tof\this\tevery\tthought. \u201cThe\tfirst\tthing\tis\tthat\tI\tlied\tto\tyou.\tAnd\tmy\tlie\twas\tnot\tjust\tby\tomission.\u201d \u201cOlive\u2014\u201d","\u201cIt\t was\t a\t real\t lie.\t A\t bad\t one.\t A\t stupid\t one.\t I\t let\t you\u2014no,\t I\t made\t you\t think that\tI\thad\tfeelings\tfor\tsomeone\telse,\twhen\tin\ttruth\t.\t.\t.\tI\tdidn\u2019t.\tI\tnever\tdid.\u201d His\thand\tcame\tup\tto\tcup\tthe\tside\tof\ther\tface.\t\u201cWhat\tdo\tyou\u2014\u201d \u201cBut\tthat\u2019s\tnot\tvery\timportant.\u201d \u201cOlive.\u201d\t He\t pulled\t her\t closer,\t pressing\t his\t lips\t against\t her\t forehead.\t \u201cIt doesn\u2019t\tmatter.\tWhatever\tit\tis\tthat\tyou\u2019re\tcrying\tabout,\tI\twill\tfix\tit.\tI\twill\tmake\tit right.\tI\u2014\u201d \u201cAdam,\u201d\t she\t interrupted\t him\t with\t a\t wet\t smile.\t \u201cIt\u2019s\t not\t important,\t because the\tsecond\tthing,\tthat\u2019s\twhat\treally\tmatters.\u201d They\twere\tso\tclose,\tnow.\tShe\tcould\tsmell\this\tscent\tand\this\twarmth,\tand\this hands\twere\tcradling\ther\tface,\tthumbs\tswiping\tback\tand\tforth\tto\tdry\ther\tcheeks. \u201cSweetheart,\u201d\the\tmurmured.\t\u201cWhat\tis\tthe\tsecond\tthing?\u201d She\twas\tstill\tcrying,\tbut\tshe\u2019d\tnever\tbeen\thappier.\tSo\tshe\tsaid\tit,\tprobably\tin the\tworst\taccent\the\u2019d\tever\theard. \u201cIk\thou\tvan\tjou,\tAdam.\u201d","Epilogue \tRESULTS:\tCareful\tanalyses\tof\tthe\tdata\tcollected,\taccounting\tfor\tpotential confounds,\tstatistical\terror,\tand\texperimenter\u2019s\tbias,\tshow\tthat\twhen\tI\tfall\tin\tlove\t.\t.\t. things\tdon\u2019t\tactually\tturn\tout\tto\tbe\tthat\tbad. Ten\tmonths\tlater \u201cStand\tthere.\tYou\twere\tstanding\tright\tthere.\u201d \u201cWas\tI?\u201d He\t was\t humoring\t her.\t A\t little.\t That\t deliciously\t put-upon\t expression\t had become\t Olive\u2019s\t favorite\t over\t the\t past\t year.\t \u201cA\t bit\t closer\t to\t the\t water\t fountain. Perfect.\u201d\tShe\ttook\ta\tstep\tback\tto\tadmire\ther\thandiwork\tand\tthen\twinked\tat\thim as\t she\t took\t out\t her\t phone\t to\t snap\t a\t quick\t picture.\t She\t briefly\t considered swapping\t it\t for\t her\t current\t screensaver\u2014a\t selfie\t of\t the\t two\t of\t them\t in\t Joshua Tree\ta\tfew\tweeks\tearlier,\tAdam\tsquinting\tin\tthe\tsun\tand\tOlive\tpressing\ther\tlips to\this\tcheek\u2014but\tthen\tthought\tbetter\tof\tit. Their\tsummer\thad\tbeen\tfull\tof\thiking\ttrips,\tand\tdelicious\tice\tcream,\tand\tlate- night\tkisses\ton\tAdam\u2019s\tbalcony,\tlaughing\tand\tsharing\tuntold\tstories\tand\tlooking up\t at\t the\t stars,\t so\t much\t brighter\t than\t the\t ones\t Olive\t had\t once\t climbed\t on\t a ladder\tto\tstick\tto\tthe\tceiling\tof\ther\tbedroom.\tShe\twas\tgoing\tto\tstart\tworking\tat\ta cancer\t lab\t at\t Berkeley\t in\t less\t than\t a\t week,\t which\t would\t mean\t a\t busier,\t more stressful\tschedule\tand\ta\tbit\tof\ta\tcommute.\tAnd\tyet,\tshe\tcouldn\u2019t\twait. \u201cJust\tstand\tthere,\u201d\tshe\tordered.\t\u201cLook\tantagonistic\tand\tunapproachable.\tAnd say\t\u2018pumpkin\tspice.\u2019\u2009\u201d He\trolled\this\teyes.\t\u201cWhat\u2019s\tyour\tplan\tif\tsomeone\tcomes\tin?\u201d","Olive\t glanced\t around\t the\t biology\t building.\t The\t hallway\t was\t silent\t and deserted,\t and\t the\t dim\t after-hours\t lights\t made\t Adam\u2019s\t hair\t look\t almost\t blue.\t It was\t late,\t and\t summer,\t and\t the\t weekend\t to\t boot:\t no\t one\t was\t going\t to\t come\t in. Even\t if\t they\t did,\t Olive\t Smith\t and\t Adam\t Carlsen\t were\t old\t news\t by\t now.\t \u201cLike who?\u201d \u201cAnh\tmight\tshow\tup.\tTo\thelp\tyou\tre-create\tthe\tmagic.\u201d \u201cPretty\tsure\tshe\u2019s\tout\twith\tJeremy.\u201d \u201cJeremy?\tThe\tguy\tyou\u2019re\tin\tlove\twith?\u201d Olive\t stuck\t her\t tongue\t out\t at\t him\t and\t glanced\t down\t at\t her\t phone.\t Happy. She\twas\tso\thappy,\tand\tshe\tdidn\u2019t\teven\tknow\twhy.\tExcept\tthat\tshe\tdid\tknow. \u201cOkay.\tIn\tone\tminute.\u201d \u201cYou\t can\u2019t\t know\t the\t exact\t time.\u201d\t Adam\u2019s\t tone\t was\t patient\t and\t indulgent. \u201cNot\tto\tthe\tminute.\u201d \u201cWrong.\t I\t ran\t a\t Western\t blot\t that\t night.\t I\t looked\t at\t my\t lab\t logs,\t and\t I reconstructed\t both\t the\t when\t and\t the\t where\t down\t to\t the\t error\t bars.\t I\t am\t a thorough\tscientist.\u201d \u201cHm.\u201d\t Adam\t folded\t his\t arms\t across\t his\t chest.\t \u201cHow\t did\t that\t blotting\t turn out?\u201d \u201cNot\tthe\tpoint.\u201d\tShe\tgrinned.\t\u201cWhat\twere\tyou\tdoing\there,\tby\tthe\tway?\u201d \u201cWhat\tdo\tyou\tmean?\u201d \u201cA\tyear\tago.\tWhy\twere\tyou\twalking\taround\tthe\tdepartment\tat\tnight?\u201d \u201cI\t can\u2019t\t remember.\t Maybe\t I\t had\t a\t deadline.\t Or\t maybe\t I\t was\t going\t home.\u201d He\t shrugged,\t and\t scanned\t the\t hallway\t until\t his\t eyes\t fell\t on\t the\t water\t fountain. \u201cMaybe\tI\twas\tthirsty.\u201d \u201cMaybe.\u201d\t She\t took\t a\t step\t closer.\t \u201cMaybe\t you\t were\t secretly\t hoping\t for\t a kiss.\u201d He\tgave\ther\ta\tlong,\tamused\tlook.\t\u201cMaybe.\u201d She\ttook\tanother\tstep,\tand\tanother,\tand\tanother.\tAnd\tthen\ther\talarm\tbeeped, once,\t right\t as\t she\t came\t to\t stand\t in\t front\t of\t him.\t Another\t intrusion\t of\t his personal\t space.\t But\t this\t time,\t when\t she\t pushed\t up\t on\t her\t toes,\t when\t she wrapped\ther\tarms\taround\this\tneck,\tAdam\u2019s\thands\tpulled\ther\tdeeper\tinto\thimself. It\thad\tbeen\tone\tyear.\tExactly\tone\tyear.\tAnd\tby\tnow\this\tbody\twas\tso\tfamiliar to\ther,\tshe\tknew\tthe\tbreadth\tof\this\tshoulders,\tthe\tscratch\tof\this\tstubble,\tthe\tscent of\this\tskin,\tall\tby\theart;\tshe\tcould\tfeel\tthe\tsmile\tin\this\teyes.","Olive\t sank\t into\t him,\t let\t him\t support\t her\t weight,\t and\t then\t moved\t until\t her mouth\t was\t almost\t level\t with\t his\t ear.\t She\t pressed\t her\t lips\t against\t its\t shell,\t and whispered\tsoftly\tinto\this\tskin. \u201cMay\tI\tkiss\tyou,\tDr.\tCarlsen?\u201d","Author\u2019s\tNote I\t write\t stories\t set\t in\t academia\t because\t academia\t is\t all\t I\t know.\t It\t can\t be\t a\t very insular,\t all-consuming,\t isolating\t environment.\t In\t the\t past\t decade,\t I\u2019ve\t had excellent\t (women)\t mentors\t who\t constantly\t supported\t me,\t but\t I\t could\t name dozens\tof\tinstances\tin\twhich\tI\tfelt\tas\tthough\tI\twas\ta\tmassive\tfailure\tblundering her\tway\tthrough\tscience.\tBut\tthat,\tas\teveryone\twho\u2019s\tbeen\tthere\tknows,\tis\tgrad school:\t a\t stressful,\t high-pressure,\t competitive\t endeavor.\t Academia\t has\t its\t own special\t way\t of\t tearing\t apart\t work-life\t balance,\t wearing\t people\t down,\t and making\t them\t forget\t that\t they\t are\t worth\t more\t than\t the\t number\t of\t papers\t they publish\tor\tthe\tgrant\tmoney\tthey\tare\table\tto\trake\tin. Taking\tthe\tthing\tI\tlove\tthe\tmost\t(writing\tlove\tstories)\tand\tgiving\tit\ta\tSTEM academia\t backdrop\t has\t been\t surprisingly\t therapeutic.\t My\t experiences\t have\t not been\t the\t same\t as\t Olive\u2019s\t (no\t academic\t fake\t dating\t for\t me,\t boo),\t but\t I\t still managed\t to\t pour\t many\t of\t my\t frustrations,\t joys,\t and\t disappointments\t into\t her adventures.\tJust\tlike\tOlive,\tin\tthe\tpast\tfew\tyears\tI\thave\tfelt\tlonely,\tdetermined, helpless,\t scared,\t happy,\t cornered,\t inadequate,\t misunderstood,\t enthusiastic. Writing\tThe\tLove\tHypothesis\tgave\tme\tthe\topportunity\tto\tturn\tthese\texperiences around\t with\t a\t humorous,\t sometimes\t self-indulgent\t spin,\t and\t to\t realize\t that\t I could\t put\t my\t own\t misadventures\t into\t perspective\u2014sometimes\t even\t laugh\t at them!\tFor\tthis\treason\u2014and\tI\tknow\tI\tprobably\tshouldn\u2019t\tsay\tit\u2014this\tbook\tmeans as\tmuch\tto\tme\tas\tmy\tPh.D.\tdissertation\tdid. Okay\u2014that\u2019s\ta\tlie.\tIt\tmeans\twaaay\tmore. If\tyou\u2019re\tnot\tfamiliar\twith\tit,\ta\tfew\twords\tabout\ta\ttopic\tthat\tcomes\tup\tquite\ta bit\t in\t the\t book:\t Title\t IX\t is\t a\t US\t federal\t law\t that\t prohibits\t any\t kind\t of discrimination\t on\t the\t basis\t of\t gender\t in\t all\t institutions\t that\t receive\t federal funding\t (i.e.,\t most\t universities).\t It\t legally\t compels\t schools\t to\t respond\t to\t and","remedy\t situations\t of\t misconduct\t ranging\t from\t hostile\t work\t environments\t to harassment\t and\t assault.\t Covered\t schools\t have\t Title\t IX\t coordinators,\t whose\t job is\tto\thandle\tcomplaints\tand\tviolations\tand\tto\teducate\tan\tinstitution\u2019s\tcommunity about\t their\t rights.\t Title\t IX\t has\t been\t and\t currently\t is\t critical\t to\t guarantee\t equal access\tto\teducation\tand\tto\tprotect\tstudents\tand\temployees\tagainst\tgender-based discrimination. Lastly:\t the\t women\t in\t STEM\t organizations\t Anh\t mentions\t in\t the\t book\t are fictionalized,\t but\t most\t universities\t host\t chapters\t of\t similar\t organizations.\t For real-life\tresources\ton\tsupporting\twomen\tacademics\tin\tSTEM,\tvisit\tawis.org.\tFor resources\t that\t specifically\t support\t BIPOC\t women\t academics\t in\t STEM,\t visit sswoc.org.","Acknowledgments First,\t just\t allow\t me\t to\t say:\t asgfgsfasdgfadg.\t I\t cannot\t believe\t this\t book\t exists. Truly,\tafgjsdfafksjfadg. Second,\t allow\t me\t to\t further\t say:\t this\t book\t would\t not\t exist\t if\t approximately two\t hundred\t people\t hadn\u2019t\t held\t my\t hand\t for\t the\t past\t two\t years.\t *Cue\t end credits\tsong.*\tIn\ta\tvery\tdisorganized\torder,\tI\tmust\tacknowledge: Thao\tLe,\tmy\tmarvelous\tagent\t(your\tDM\tchanged\tmy\tlife,\tfor\tthe\tvery\tbest); Sarah\tBlumenstock,\tmy\tfantastic\teditor\t(who\tis\tnot\tthat\tkind\tof\teditor);\tRebecca and\t Alannah,\t my\t very\t first\t betas\t (and\t shout-out\t to\t Alannah\t for\t the\t title!);\t my gremlins,\tfor\tbeing\tgremalicious\tand\tfor\talways\tdefending\tthe\tc.p.;\tDaddy\tLucy and\t Jen\t (thank\t you\t for\t all\t the\t reads\t and\t the\t SM\t and\t the\t infinite\t hand-holding), Claire,\t Court,\t Julie,\t Katie,\t Kat,\t Kelly,\t Margaret,\t and\t my\t wife,\t Sabine (ALIMONE!)\t(as\twell\tas\tJess,\tShep,\tand\tTrix,\tmy\thonorary\tgrems).\tMy\tWords Are\t Hard\t buds,\t for\t the\t whining\t support:\t Celia,\t Kate,\t Sarah,\t and\t Victoria.\t My TMers,\t who\t believed\t in\t me\t from\t the\t start:\t Court,\t Dani,\t Christy,\t Kate,\t Mar, Marie,\t and\t Rachelle;\t Caitie,\t for\t being\t the\t first\t IRL\t person\t who\t made\t me\t feel like\tI\tcould\ttalk\tabout\tall\tof\tthis;\tMargo\tLipschultz\tand\tJennie\tConway,\tfor\tthe precious\tfeedback\ton\tearly\tdrafts;\tFrankie,\tfor\tthe\ttimeliest\tof\tprompts;\tPsi,\tfor inspiring\t me\t with\t her\t beautiful\t writing;\t the\t Berkletes,\t for\t the\t pooping\t and\t the knotting;\tSharon\tIbbotson,\tfor\tthe\tinvaluable\teditorial\tinput\tand\tencouragement; Stephanie,\tJordan,\tLindsey\tMerril,\tand\tKat,\tfor\tbeta\treading\tmy\tmanuscript\tand helping\t me\t fix\t it;\t Lilith,\t for\t the\t stunning\t art\t and\t the\t amazing\t cover,\t as\t well\t as the\t peeps\t at\t Penguin\t Creative;\t Bridget\t O\u2019Toole\t and\t Jessica\t Brock\t for\t helping me\t make\t people\t think\t that\t they\t might\t want\t to\t read\t this\t book;\t everyone\t at Berkley\twho\thas\thelped\tgetting\tthis\tmanuscript\tin\tshape\tbehind\tthe\tscenes;\tRian Johnson,\tfor\tdoing\tThe\tThing\tthat\tinspired\tme\tto\tdo\tAll\tThe\tThings.","The\t truth\t is,\t I\t never\t saw\t myself\t as\t someone\t who\u2019d\t ever\t write\t anything\t but science\t articles.\t And\t I\t probably\t never\t would\t have\t if\t it\t hadn\u2019t\t been\t for\t all\t the fanfiction\tauthors\twho\tposted\tamazing\tpieces\tonline\tand\tencouraged\tme\tto\tstart writing\t myself.\t And\t I\t certainly\t wouldn\u2019t\t have\t had\t the\t guts\t to\t start\t writing original\tfiction\tif\tit\thadn\u2019t\tbeen\tfor\tthe\tsupport,\tthe\tcheering,\tthe\tencouragement, the\tcon-crit\tI\tgot\tfrom\tthe\tStar\tTrek\tand\tStar\tWars\/Reylo\tfandoms.\tTo\teveryone who\t has\t left\t a\t comment\t or\t kudos\t on\t my\t fics,\t who\t has\t given\t me\t shout-outs\t on social\tmedia,\twho\thas\treached\tout\tin\tDMs,\twho\thas\tdrawn\tart\tfor\tme\tor\tmade\ta mood\tboard,\twho\thas\tcheered\tme\ton,\twho\thas\ttaken\tthe\ttime\tto\tread\tsomething I\u2019ve\twritten:\tthank\tyou.\tReally,\tthank\tyou\tso\tmuch.\tI\towe\tyou\ta\tlot. Last,\t and\t let\u2019s\t be\t real,\t also\t definitely\t least:\t some\t half-hearted\t thanks\t to Stefan,\t for\t all\t the\t love\t and\t the\t patience.\t You\t better\t not\t be\t reading\t this,\t you pretentious\thipster.","Don\u2019t\tmiss Love\ton\tthe\tBrain coming\tsoon\tfrom\tBerkley\tJove! \u201cBy\tthe\tway,\tyou\tcan\tget\tleprosy\tfrom\tarmadillos.\u201d I\t peel\t my\t nose\t away\t from\t the\t airplane\t window\t and\t glance\t at\t Roc\u00edo,\t my research\tassistant.\t\u201cReally?\u201d \u201cYep.\tThey\tgot\tit\tfrom\thumans\tmillennia\tago,\tand\tnow\tthey\u2019re\tgiving\tit\tback to\tus.\u201d\tShe\tshrugs.\t\u201cRevenge\tand\tcold\tdishes\tand\tall\tthat.\u201d I\t scrutinize\t her\t beautiful\t face\t for\t hints\t that\t she\u2019s\t lying.\t Her\t large\t dark\t eyes, heavily\t rimmed\t with\t eyeliner,\t are\t inscrutable.\t Her\t hair\t is\t so\t Vantablack,\t it absorbs\t 99\t percent\t of\t visible\t light.\t Her\t mouth\t is\t full,\t curved\t downward\t in\t its typical\tpout. Nope.\tI\tgot\tnothing.\t\u201cIs\tthis\tfor\treal?\u201d \u201cWould\tI\tever\tlie\tto\tyou?\u201d \u201cLast\t week\t you\t swore\t to\t me\t that\t Stephen\t King\t was\t writing\t a\t Winnie-the- Pooh\t spin-off.\u201d\t And\t I\t believed\t her.\t Like\t I\t believed\t that\t Lady\t Gaga\t is\t a\t known satanist,\tor\tthat\tbadminton\tracquets\tare\tmade\tfrom\thuman\tbones\tand\tintestines. Chaotic\t goth\t misanthropy\t and\t creepy\t deadpan\t sarcasm\t are\t her\t brand,\t and\t I should\tknow\tbetter\tthan\tto\ttake\ther\tseriously.\tProblem\tis,\tevery\tonce\tin\ta\twhile she\u2019ll\tthrow\tin\ta\tcrazy-sounding\tstory\tthat\tupon\tfurther\tinspection\t(i.e.,\ta\tGoogle search)\t is\t revealed\t to\t be\t true.\t For\t instance,\t did\t you\t know\t that\t the\t Texas Chainsaw\tMassacre\twas\tinspired\tby\ta\ttrue\tstory?\tBefore\tRoc\u00edo,\tI\tdidn\u2019t.\tAnd\tI slept\tsignificantly\tbetter. \u201cDon\u2019t\t believe\t me,\t then.\u201d\t She\t shrugs,\t going\t back\t to\t her\t grad\t school admission\tprep\tbook.\t\u201cGo\tpet\tthe\tleper\tarmadillos\tand\tdie.\u201d"]
Search
Read the Text Version
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- 8
- 9
- 10
- 11
- 12
- 13
- 14
- 15
- 16
- 17
- 18
- 19
- 20
- 21
- 22
- 23
- 24
- 25
- 26
- 27
- 28
- 29
- 30
- 31
- 32
- 33
- 34
- 35
- 36
- 37
- 38
- 39
- 40
- 41
- 42
- 43
- 44
- 45
- 46
- 47
- 48
- 49
- 50
- 51
- 52
- 53
- 54
- 55
- 56
- 57
- 58
- 59
- 60
- 61
- 62
- 63
- 64
- 65
- 66
- 67
- 68
- 69
- 70
- 71
- 72
- 73
- 74
- 75
- 76
- 77
- 78
- 79
- 80
- 81
- 82
- 83
- 84
- 85
- 86
- 87
- 88
- 89
- 90
- 91
- 92
- 93
- 94
- 95
- 96
- 97
- 98
- 99
- 100
- 101
- 102
- 103
- 104
- 105
- 106
- 107
- 108
- 109
- 110
- 111
- 112
- 113
- 114
- 115
- 116
- 117
- 118
- 119
- 120
- 121
- 122
- 123
- 124
- 125
- 126
- 127
- 128
- 129
- 130
- 131
- 132
- 133
- 134
- 135
- 136
- 137
- 138
- 139
- 140
- 141
- 142
- 143
- 144
- 145
- 146
- 147
- 148
- 149
- 150
- 151
- 152
- 153
- 154
- 155
- 156
- 157
- 158
- 159
- 160
- 161
- 162
- 163
- 164
- 165
- 166
- 167
- 168
- 169
- 170
- 171
- 172
- 173
- 174
- 175
- 176
- 177
- 178
- 179
- 180
- 181
- 182
- 183
- 184
- 185
- 186
- 187
- 188
- 189
- 190
- 191
- 192
- 193
- 194
- 195
- 196
- 197
- 198
- 199
- 200
- 201
- 202
- 203
- 204
- 205
- 206
- 207
- 208
- 209
- 210
- 211
- 212
- 213
- 214
- 215
- 216
- 217
- 218
- 219
- 220
- 221
- 222
- 223
- 224
- 225
- 226
- 227
- 228
- 229
- 230
- 231
- 232
- 233
- 234
- 235
- 236
- 237
- 238
- 239
- 240
- 241
- 242
- 243
- 244
- 245
- 246
- 247
- 248
- 249
- 250
- 251
- 252
- 253
- 254
- 255
- 256
- 257
- 258
- 259
- 260
- 261
- 262
- 263
- 264
- 265
- 266
- 267
- 268
- 269
- 270
- 271
- 272
- 273
- 274
- 275
- 276
- 277
- 278
- 279
- 280
- 281
- 282
- 283
- 284
- 285
- 286
- 287
- 288
- 289
- 290
- 291
- 292
- 293
- 294
- 295
- 296
- 297
- 298
- 299
- 300
- 301
- 302
- 303
- 304
- 305
- 306
- 307
- 308
- 309
- 310
- 311
- 312
- 313
- 314
- 315
- 316
