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AMP UP PERFORMANCE The Workplace Toolkit Actionable Approaches To People Problems Anne Collier

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT By Anne E. Collier

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT Copyright © MMXV, MMXVI, MMXVII, MMXX Arudia, LLC All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic, mechanical, photocopying, or otherwise without the prior written permission of Arudia, LLC except in the case of noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, contact Arudia, addressed to “Attention: Permission Coordinator” at http://arudia.com/contactus/. Printed in the United States of America on September 8, 2021. ISBN: 978-0-9861849-0-1

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT Anne Collier is dedicated to improving culture, collaboration, and communication. She believes that everyone deserves a ful- filling life and career and that every organization can be a great place to work. Recognizing that the organization is its people, she helps people to develop a better understanding of them- selves and others and learn collaboration and communication tools. After years of coaching executives and developing teams to step into their power, she created this written Workplace Tool- kit – Actionable Approaches to People Problems© to provide further support to the clients who clamored for more. Focused on producing scalable and sustainable improvement at the organizational lev- el, Anne created virtual training courses based on her work with individual executives and their teams. Scaled, her methodology is called The Arudia System©, which improves organizations via a customizable combination of delivery methods focused on impart- ing to everyone the understanding and the skills to communicate and collaborate more effectively. This improves culture. Anne works with entire organizations, teams, individual leaders, executives, and man- agers. She is a catalyst for stepping into power. She guides clients to discover a fresh perspective through proven assessment tools and to use that perspective to truly har- ness different ways of thinking and to minimize the effects of blind spots. In addition to being a Myers Briggs Type Indicator® Step I and Step II Master Practitioner, she is qualified to administer and use the Kirton Adaption-Innovation Inventory, the Emo- tional Quotient Inventory 2.0® and 360 Feedback; Strength Deployment Inventory®; the Apter Motivational Style Profile®; the Apter Leadership Profile System®; and the Center for Creative Leadership’s 360 Degree Assessments®. Anne is practical and creative in her approach to improving culture and resolving cli- ents’ challenges. She coaches individuals to lead powerfully and build effective teams that make the most of each team member’s strengths. Her individual clients also ben- efit from her unique personal branding process, which creates their talking points for attracting the best opportunities. Anne’s clients include the people who lead and work in a broad range of organizations including corporations, not-for-profit organizations, associations, government agencies, public and government affairs agencies, and law firms, whether they are long-established organizations or start-ups. In 2015, Anne was elected to the Board of the Women’s Bar Association of Washington DC. She is a Professional Certified Coach and she studied economics (BA with High Distinction, has her JD, cum laude), at the University of Michigan. Anne is a graduate of Coach University Core Essential Program and Advanced Coaching Program and a certified educator through the International Equine Experiential Education Association. Anne resides in Chevy Chase, Maryland with her husband Alex and four cats. She loves to cook, travel, fly fish, and is an avid equestrienne.

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT Table of Contents I. The Arudia Collaborative Approach - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 2 a. Elements Of A Team - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 3 b. How To Use This Section- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 3 c. Step 1: Build Trust - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 8 d. Step 2: Harness Diversity - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 15 e. Step 3: Achieve Commitment - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 21 f. Step 4: Embrace Accountability- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 23 g. Step 5: Focus On Goals - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 26 h. Collaboration Norms - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 29 i. Meetings - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 30 ii. Communication- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 31 h. Summary - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 32 II. The Arudia Win-Win Conversation Model- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 33 a. Mindset- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 37 b. Goals v. Strategies - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 40 c. When There Is a Problem - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 44 d. Win-Win Principles - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 47 e. Step 1: State the Facts - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 49 i. Ladder of Inference - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 51 f. Step 2: Aware of Feelings- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 56 i. Deal With Your Own Defensiveness - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 56 g. Step 3: Aware of Needs - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 59 h. Step 4: Make a Request - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 61 i. Awareness of Others - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 62 ii. What If You Get a “NO”? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 63 i. Chilling Effects of Hierarchy - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 66

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT Table of Contents j. Types of Requests - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 70 i. Action Request - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 70 ii. Process Request- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 70 iii. Data Collection Request- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 71 k. Deal With Defensiveness - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 72 l. Step 5: Agree on Strategy - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 74 m. What Gets In the Way of Listening? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 77 n. Summary - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 79 o. Action Plan - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 81 III. The Arudia Coaching Model- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 82 a. Distinction: Win-Win v. Coaching Skills - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 86 b. When to Use Coaching Skills - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 90 c. Questions That Work - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 93 d. Mindset - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 98 e. Listen for the Essence - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 100 f. Step 1: Establish the Focus - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 104 g. Step 2: Brainstorm Options - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 108 i. How to Advise - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 112 h. Step 3: Create Action Plan - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 114 i. Step 4: Remove Obstacles - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 116 j. Step 5: Review and Commit - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 119 k. Follow Up - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 121 l. Give Productive Feedback - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 123 m. Filters - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 125 n. Summary - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 127

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT Table of Contents IV. Worksheets - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -p. 130 a. The Arudia Collaborative Approach - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 131 b. Win-Win and Coaching Action Plan - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 133 c. Win-Win Pre-Work - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 135 d. Coaching Pre-Work - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 136 e. Coaching Feedback - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 137 f. Lead, Manage, and Collaborate with Style - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 139 i. Style Matters: Understanding and Leveraging Cognitivie Diversity - p. 140 g. Upgrade Your Personal Operating Stystem - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 145 i. Actualized Leader Worksheet - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -p. 146 ii. Nine Attributes Worksheet - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -p. 150 h. C-Suite Communicate Skills for Today’s Challenges - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -p. 157 i. Actualized Leader: Handing Colleagues A Flashlight - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 158 V. Appendices - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 162 i. Appendix A: Feelings List- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -p. 163 j. Appendix B: Needs List - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -p. 164 k. Appendix C: Evaluations Masquerading as Feelings - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 165 l. Appendix D: Tip Index - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 167 m. Appendix E: Tips by Type - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -p. 169 n. Appendix F: Flats Index - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -p. 171 o. Appendix G: Exercises Index - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -p. 172 p. Appendix H: Examples Index - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p. 173

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT Foreword Welcome to The Workplace Toolkit! Here you will learn to communicate with presence and intention so that you are able to use actionable approaches to people problems. Why? Because if you are on autopilot – reacting rather than responding – you are not necessarily getting the result you want. You are going through the motions, but the motions are not propelling you forward, they’re just making you tired. By using the tools in The Toolkit, you’ll get better results because communication is the bedrock of collaboration. You’ll reduce stress because working with others can be challenging. And, importantly, you’ll be more successful in what’s important to you, whether it is improving culture, leading, collaborating, or getting to the next level in your career. The Toolkit is ideal for leaders, managers, and anyone that works with others, including executive teams, leaders, managers, and vertical teams. It is comprised of three sections, focusing on these three models: The Arudia Collaborative Approach, The Arudia Win-Win Conver- sation Model, and The Arudia Coaching Model. The Collaborative Approach establishes the context for learning Win-Win and Coaching Skills. Remember, we all work on teams, even those of us who function independently have internal or external clients whom we serve and collaborate with. The Arudia Collaborative Approach Step 1: Build Trust Step 2: Harness Diversity Step 3: Achieve Commitment Step 4: Embrace Accountability Step 5: Focus on Goals The model is circular – a wheel – because following the steps of The Arudia Collaborative Approach is not a “one-and-done” process. Thus, although each step builds on the last, a “flat” at any step not only frustrates subsequent steps, but erodes trust and the ability to achieve success at any of the other steps. True collaboration requires superior communication skills at every step. Thus, Win-Win and Coaching Skills are essential tools in your Toolkit. The Arudia Collaborative Approach begins with trust. Trust must be present for team members to harness cognitive and other types of diversity. If a team’s members aren’t open to one another’s different ways of thinking, disagreeing with others and being “different” can be isolating. Team members must recognize that their differences make it possible for them to solve a wider range of problems with greater ease. These differences also naturally stimulate passionate debate, but with trust and understanding, the debate is about the issues and is never personal or about the person. What appears to be a conflict from an outsider’s perspec- tive is actually the process of harnessing cognitive diversity, i.e., different ways of thinking.

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT The presence of cognitive diversity on a team means that team members differ in their manner of brainstorming, designing and implementing solutions, and managing rules and group norms. Such diversity in approach is the reason team members engage in productive, passion- ate discussion when deciding issues – but only if trust exists. Such engagement and understanding is necessary for the third step of a highly effective team: commitment to the team’s decisions. Remember, the steps build on each other. Trust must exist to harness diversity through passionate and open discussion – in other words, team members don’t hold back. Only then are they fully engaged in decision making and able to commit. Commitment is necessary to embrace accountability. Accountability is providing mutual support in achieving goals and learning from what didn’t go well. An uncommitted team member is a team member that doesn’t care enough about a team’s decision to attack problems fervently or notice (and care) that others are struggling. There is simply no way to achieve ac- countability without commitment. And, finally, accountability is necessary for the focus to be on team goals rather than individ- ual goals. Remember the wheel: a flat at any point derails a team and detracts from results. Thus, without the support borne of commitment, which is generated by harnessing diversity and building on trust, the team’s goals can become subsidiary to other, personal goals. Finally, the tools in The Workplace Toolkit facilitate your success at every step of collaboration. In particular, because cognitive (and other) diversity is necessary to ensure great results in the shortest possible time and can pose the greatest challenge, tools such as the Win-Win Conver-

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT sation and Coaching Skills are essential. These tools are also essential for achieving commitment and embracing accountability. Deliberate and intentional communication is what keeps the teamwork wheel rolling steadily forward. The Arudia Win-Win Conversation Model. Using the Win-Win Conversation, you will learn to solve problems more creatively and in a manner that is more likely to meet the needs of all involved, everyone from clients to colleagues and teenagers to toddlers. By focusing on the underlying needs rather than strategies, and by engaging others, the Win-Win Conversation results in others committing to decisions, even if such decisions fail to meet that person’s needs. The key is for everyone affected to have his or her concerns heard, understood, and then prioritized as necessary. The critical elements of a Win-Win Conversation are to state facts in a neutral manner, to un- derstand one’s own feelings and needs and those of others, and to distinguish the underlying need or goal from the strategy for achieving it. Colleagues and leaders who use the Win-Win Conversation communicate more effectively because they focus on the goals first and the strategies second. Exploring and reaching under-

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT standing and (hopefully) agreement on the goals is a critical first step in productive problem solving and negotiation of any kind. In addition, you will learn to use more collaborative rather than distancing language, make requests in a manner that encourages clear, results-fo- cused communication, and encourage others to use these same skills as they respond. The Arudia Coaching Model. Coaching harnesses the power of the question to lead, collabo- rate, and devise solutions. Leaders and team members with Coaching Skills are able to create and hold an ambitious vision for team members in such a manner that others are able to discover, believe, and commit to the vision. Such discovery is essential to being engaged, inspired, and excited about one’s work. The Arudia Coaching Model sets forth a simple coaching process that yields powerful results. Leaders who use Coaching Skills along with the old-style “command and control” approach, increase engagement and trust, solve problems more readily, reduce friction, and enhance productivity and commitment. A culture of coaching improves the capacity of a leader, team, and organization to build and sustain effective relationships and powerfully develop ac- countability, trust, and commitment. Using Coaching Skills drives innovation, improves team performance, and creates clarity and engagement in a way that everyone appreciates.

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT Throughout The Toolkit, you will notice references to Myers-Briggs Type® (“Type”) and the Kirton Adaption-Innovation Inventory (the “KAI”) in Tips. Even if you are not familiar with Type or KAI, the Tips likely will be helpful. Just ask yourself, “Could this Tip apply to me or my colleague?” We encourage you to use the tools in The Workplace Toolkit in the years to come. For now, enjoy learning skills that will increase your leadership and personal effectiveness, reduce stress, and propel you forward! Without the support borne of commitment, which is generated by har- nessing diversity, and which builds on trust, the team’s goals can become subsidiary to other, personal goals. Finally, the tools in The Workplace Toolkit facilitate your success at every step of collaboration. In particular, because cognitive (and other) diversity is necessary to ensure great results in the shortest possible time and can pose the greatest challenge, tools such as the Win-Win Conver- sation and Coaching Skills are essential. These tools are also essential for achieving commitment and embracing accountability. Deliberate and intentional communication is what keeps the teamwork wheel rolling steadily forward.

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT

THE WORKPLACE TOOLKIT A Word About “Doing It Right” ■  Not perfect is still progress; don’t let perfect get in the way of results. ■  Getting results may require that you lay groundwork with multiple conversations . ■  Conversation is a dance – it’s almost impossible to predict how a conversation will go, so •  Prepare; •  Be present; •  Stay curious and listen; and •  Do your best. TIP 1: No Need to Be Perfect. Learning a new skill can be difficult. Don’t wait to perfect your technique before trying the skill. Use these tools to convey the message that you are trying to understand and work with your colleagues. When colleagues sense that you are trying to understand them, they are more likely to be more open and collaborative. Certain Types may be more challenged by trying a skill they haven’t perfected. These Types include Sensing Judgers, iNtuitive Thinkers, and Judgers generally. Don’t let your focus on “doing it right” derail your efforts to learn new skills or to have more effective conversations. TIP 2: Commit to Collaboration. You may have to lay new groundwork with certain colleagues, especially if you have an entrenched way of interacting that is not entirely positive. If you stay committed to collaboration and utilize the techniques consistently, even if your colleague is not following the steps of whichever model you are using, you will likely prevail over the relatively short run. This is because your colleagues may have to (i) adjust their ex- pectations about your interactions to include your new skills and (ii) break their own patterns of interacting with you. An Alternative To Your Hardwiring ■  We all have ways of handling situations - our hardwiring. ■  Sometimes our hardwiring doesn’t deliver the best results. ■  Learn an alternative to your hardwiring so you can be more effective. TIP 3: Identify Hardwiring. We all have hardwiring that governs the way we handle certain situations. Type and KAI, for example, are two means of identifying your hardwiring. The conflict norms you grew up with are another. Sometimes our hardwiring doesn’t serve us and we act in ways that actually frustrate our own goals. This Toolkit will give you alternative techniques that you can use that when doing so would yield better results. 1

THE ARUDIA COLLABORATIVE APPROACH The Collaborative Approach 2

THE ARUDIA COLLABORATIVE APPROACH Elements of A Team ■  A small number of people; ■  Team members ideally possess complementary but different skills; ■  Team members are committed to working together; ■  Team members share responsibility for achieving common goals; and ■  Team members share rewards for achieving common goals. We all work on teams whether we lead, are a team member, or work solely with clients. Thus, we all harness each other’s way of thinking to: ■  Collaborate, manage, and lead effectively; ■  Use best thinking for best results; ■  Develop ourselves and colleagues; ■  Break through resistance; ■  Increase personal effectiveness; ■  Reduce stress; ■  Get unstuck. How to Use this Section This section of The Workplace Toolkit takes a coach approach to support you in creating collabo- ration and getting the best results. A “coach approach” requires partnership, awareness, and a back-and-forth dynamic designed to ensure that you ask open-ended questions at each step to help you (i) assess your team, (ii) identify what isn’t working, and then (iii) explore what you or the team could do to improve teamwork. There are numerous explanations and tips geared toward helping you avoid “flats” along the way to being a highly effective team. 3

THE ARUDIA COLLABORATIVE APPROACH Are We Going In Circles? Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success. - Henry Ford The Arudia Collaborative Approach is circular rather than linear because a “flat” at any point on the collaboration wheel prevents it from rolling forward toward achieving collaboration and the corresponding results. The Arudia Collaborative Approach is designed to help you get your team to the next level. Each step’s section begins with you doing a gut-check, then explores each step, identifies common “flats,” provides tips, and concludes by ascertaining next steps. TIP 4: Communication Is Not Always The Problem. When there is a problem, people often attribute it to a lack of communication. Not all problems can be fixed by better communi- cation, however. Instead, a team might be experiencing a “flat” at any one of the five steps. If you are experiencing a flat, identify what isn’t working so that you can determine how to fix it. 4

THE ARUDIA COLLABORATIVE APPROACH Mindset Why start with mindset? As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t - you’re right.” In other words, your mindset governs how you see the world, the strategies you will consider, and ultimately, what you do. And, what you do creates the world around you. Consider that the results you get influence your worldview. Rather than a linear progression, worldview, mindset, actions and results influence and reinforce each other. Now apply this to creating collaboration. If you don’t believe that it is possible for you to affect whether you can improve collaboration, then you most likely won’t consider or take the actions necessary to do so. In summary, to improve collaboration, members must ■  Believe it is possible. ■  Want it. ■  Be willing to think, be and act differently, which includes: •  Being open to new ideas and strategies about the work and working together. •  A willingness to work with and support others. •  A focus on the team’s goals. ■  Be a leader, which means taking personal initiative to complete tasks. 5

THE ARUDIA COLLABORATIVE APPROACH INITIAL GUT-CHECK: For your eyes only Relationships are critical to a team’s success. Take a look at your team and answer the following questions. Your goal is to assess what is working and what isn’t so that you can identify steps for improving trust, communication and performance. 1. What do you value about your work relationships on this team? 2. What makes work relationships on this team difficult? 3. What can you do to improve your work relationships on this team? 4. What can the team do to improve work relationships? 5. What are two concrete steps that you are willing to take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would improve work relationships? 6. What are two concrete steps the team could take and an estimated timeline for their com- pletion that would improve your experience as a team member? Problem A and Problem B Now that you’ve done your initial gut-check, let’s dig into what is working, what isn’t, and what to do. Has this ever happened to you? You work with a colleague and it feels like you’re from a different planet. Or, perhaps it’s your colleague who is from Neptune. Here’s what happens: you raise concerns, you provide options, you are ready to engage in a productive dialogue to identify the best strategy, and your colleague (or client) dismisses your ideas as if you are from another reality – Neptune, that is. You’ve just experienced the challenge of cognitive diversity – also known as “Problem B.” Problem A is the reason you come to work – it’s the task you and your colleagues are chal- lenged with completing. Problem B is the challenge of working together when you and your colleague not only have different perspectives; you truly do think differently. To be effective, a team must harness this diversity while ensuring that such diversity - Problem B - doesn’t derail efforts to successfully complete Problem A. Successful collaborations require team members to effectively manage and leverage differ- ences in problem-solving style, i.e., cognitive diversity. The challenge is that while cognitive diversity generally means greater ability to solve a wider range of problems, it can also distract from the work because of the inherent challenge of working with someone who thinks dif- ferently. Increasing awareness and understanding of differences and their implications for collaboration is a necessary step in developing strategies for both leveraging and reducing the friction often resulting from different styles. Because we work together to solve problems in both our personal and business lives, under- standing diversity makes for better personal relationships, work, and working relationships. 6

THE ARUDIA COLLABORATIVE APPROACH The Arudia Collaborative Approach Now that you’ve taken a look at your own team and considered Problem B, let’s take a deeper dive into each of the steps necessary to transform a group of people into a highly collaborative and effective team. 7

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Build Trust Step 1 WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW: For your eyes only Evaluate your team’s trust; focus on the degree to which team members trust each other. 7. How do you rate the level of trust on your team on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest)? Overall score: 8. What could the team do to improve trust by a point or two? 9. What are two concrete steps that you are willing to take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would improve trust? 10. What are two concrete steps the team could take and an estimated timeline for their com- pletion that would improve your experience of trust on the team? 11. What are two concrete steps you could take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would facilitate the team taking the actions identified in the previous question? Now that you’ve done a gut check on your team’s trust, let’s figure out what’s going on and how to improve trust. 8

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Build Trust Step 1 The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. - Ernest Hemingway Trust is the first step toward collaboration. Building trust between colleagues saves time because colleagues who trust each other: ■  Let down their guard; ■  Get to the point; ■  Don’t hide mistakes; and ■  Develop ways of working together so they don’t have to renegotiate collaboration norms with each new interaction or project. They can rely on each other to solve problems and feel supported. Colleagues who are willing to trust one another, reducing the negative effect of Problem B, are individually more effective and less stressed, which increases a team’s overall efficiency and effectiveness. Trust is often hard to define and is based on a combination of objective and subjective evalua- tions about another person. To fully trust a team member, you need to believe that the person is reliable, competent, benevolent, open and has integrity. (Mishra, 1996; Tschannen-Moran & Hoy, 1998, 2000.) 9

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Build Trust Consequently, building trust on a team means doing what it takes to achieve confidence in each of these areas. Creating trust often requires experience with a person and team to evaluate each facet of trust. Let’s explore the five facets of trust and identify how to best assess and create a plan for building trust on your team. Reliability: A person is consistent, diligent and demonstrates commitment. Competence: A person meets or exceeds standards of excellence, is willing to fulfill respon- sibilities, and is results oriented. Benevolence and Caring: A person has positive interactions with others, maintains confi- dences, and looks after others and their well being. Openness: A person openly communicates, genuinely talks and listens, and shares in making decisions. Integrity: A person is authentic – the person’s thinking, what he or she says, and actions are aligned. ASSESS AND ACT: For your eyes only Now score the individual facets of trust on a scale of 1 to 10. The purpose is to identify what caused the “flat” – the lack of trust – and how to fix it. Reliability 12. Reliability rating: ____/10. a. What has happened that has negatively affected your score about either the team as a whole or an individual member? b. What can you do to remedy the circumstances identified above? When will you do this? c. What can the team or team member do to remedy the circumstances identified above? When will you make a request (Step 4 of Win-Win) so that the team or team member takes the necessary actions? FLAT 1(a): But He’s Unreliable. A team member dismisses another team member as un- reliable. Often the dismissive team member will fail to include the “unreliable” team member in meetings and important communications. The entire team suffers because the team member is underutilized and may become disheartened. TIP 5: Consider A Misunderstanding. If you believe that a team member is unreli- able or incompetent, consider that a misunderstanding could have been the cause of the team member’s failure to deliver. Ask yourself, “What could the team member have understood about the project that made what he or she did the responsible action to take?” Then ask yourself, “Could the team member have misunderstood his or her role in the project?” 10

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Build Trust TIP 6: Make Only Those Commitments You Can Keep. Don’t make commitments you can’t keep, even if it’s for lunch or coffee. When you don’t follow through on minor, seemingly unimportant promises, others question whether they can rely on you to keep important commitments. Clarify expectations and deliver on all promises. If you find you can’t, let the other person know ASAP. Competence 13. Competence Rating: ____/10. a. What has happened that has negatively affected your score about either the team as a whole or an individual member? b. What can you do to remedy the circumstances identified above? When will you do this? c. What can the team or team member do to remedy the circumstances identified above? When will you make a request (Step 4 of Win-Win) so that the team or team member takes the necessary actions? FLAT 1(b): Lack of Understanding. A team member doesn’t understand his or her role in achieving one or more goals. When a team member doesn’t understand his or her role, the team member may appear lazy, incompetent, or unreliable. If you see less than stellar work product, support the team member in understanding his or her role. This is also a good time to help him or her identify the sufficiency of resources, time, and support. TIP 7: Coach To Competency. If you think a team member is incompetent, try using Coaching Skills. Coaching will help the team member do his own best thinking regarding how to accomplish tasks. See Coaching Skills, page 82. A coached team member will have more con- fidence, be more engaged, and develop his or her own leadership and thinking. TIP 8: Provide Training. If you think a team member isn’t competent, remember you or someone thought the member had potential and hired or promoted him or her. Reflect on the team member’s performance and ask yourself, “Does this person just need a little training?” For example, is the team member an accounting expert who is now working in finance? Benevolence/Caring 14. Benevolence Rating: ____/10. a. What has happened that has negatively affected your score about either the team as a whole or an individual member? b. What can you do to remedy the circumstances identified above? When will you do this? c. What can the team or team member do to remedy the circumstances identified above? When will you make a request (Step 4 of Win-Win) so that the team or team member takes the necessary actions? 11

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Build Trust FLAT 1(c): Are You Sure? You think that a team member doesn’t have your best interests at heart because of an “incident.” Are you sure that your team member intentionally hurt you or disregarded your best interests? Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what might have been going on? Then, have a conversation. TIP 9: Talk About What Went Wrong. Especially if you’ve experienced Flat 1(d), talk about it with the “offending” team member. Use neutral language (see Step 1 of Win-Win), and let your team member know that “I’d like to understand what happened when . . . .“ Take care not to put the team member on the defensive and perhaps preface the conversation with how much you value your relationship and working together. TIP 10: Get to Know Your Team Members. Get to know how your team members’ personal lives intersect with their work lives. This will allow you to understand how you can create a Win-Win by helping team members personally and professionally. TIP 11: Protect Others From the Bus. Especially if you are the boss, protect your team members from the bus. Notice when it’s coming, and pull those in danger out of the way. In other words, anticipate when someone or something might harm a team member and prevent or minimize the impact. TIP 12: Identify Your Own Role. Here’s where you get to be really honest with yourself: What did you do to contribute to the lack of trust you experience with a team member? What do you need to clean up? TIP 13: Put Yourself In The Person’s Shoes. If you’ve got a rocky relationship with a colleague, instead of assuming malevolence, put yourself in your team member’s shoes. Notice the stresses, pressures, and expectations your team member is experiencing. Next, ask yourself, “How can I support him or her?” TIP 14: Foster An Atmosphere of Growth. Find out what others truly enjoy about their work and give them opportunities to develop more skill in those areas as well as stretch into other areas. Support their growth and development. TIP 15: Spend Time Together. Trust requires an understanding and willingness to give another the benefit of the doubt. Both understanding and such willingness typically occur because you know the other person, which requires that you spend time together at work and after hours. Emails alone aren’t enough. If you work remotely, use video calls and periodic in-person meetings and retreats to build relationships. TIP 16: Share Personal Information. Trust requires a willingness to be honest and vul- nerable and to trust each other on a gut level. Building trust takes time, but can be accelerated by sharing personal information and showing interest in team members’ personal successes and personal lives. TIP 17: Be Real – Be Yourself. Memorable bosses and team members are highly profes- sional and yet also openly human. Show sincere excitement when things go well and celebrate! Show sincere appreciation for hard work and extra effort. And, it’s human to show sincere dis- appointment in a project or in yourself. 12

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Build Trust Use self awareness (Steps 2 and 3 of Win-Win, page 56), to express disappointment, worry, frustration and even anger. Be a real person. Don’t forget to empathize with your team member (leverage your awareness of others - the inner-loop of Win-Win, page 62). TIP 18: Use Tools to Increase Understanding. Understanding your own and other’s hardwiring increases trust. When you understand that another’s behavior is a result of dif- ferences in cognitive functioning or problem-solving style, you are less likely to attribute a negative motive. Using a tool such as Type or the Kirton Adaption-Innovation Inventory is ideal for creating this understanding. We prefer TypeCoach’s Verifier for determining Type over the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® because the Verifier provides an engaging learning experience. Openness 15. Openness Rating: ____/10. a. What has happened that has negatively affected your score about either the team as a whole or an individual member? b. What can you do to remedy the circumstances identified above? When will you do this? c. What can the team or team member do to remedy the circumstances identified above? When will you make a request (Step 4 of Win-Win) so that the team or team member takes the necessary actions? TIP 19: Be Open About The Bad Stuff. Be willing to share your vulnerabilities – blind spots, mistakes, and fears. If you do, you will build trust and set an example for others to follow. If you don’t, not only do you contribute to the erosion of trust, but you won’t get any support in dealing with these challenges. TIP 20: Check-In to Find Out What’s Below the Waterline. Be open and ask others what is below the waterline causing them stress. It could be a new project, an impending deadline, or a difficult client. Regular check-ins foster openness and opportunities for support. Integrity 16. Integrity Rating: ____/10. a. What has happened that has negatively affected your score about either the team as a whole or an individual member? b. What can you do to remedy the circumstances identified above? When will you do this? c. What can the team or team member do to remedy the circumstances identified above? When will you make a request (Step 4 of Win-Win) so that the team or team member takes the necessary actions? 13

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Build Trust TIP 21: Do You Have Integrity. In playing your part in building trust, ask yourself, do you do everything you say you will do or let the other person know as soon as possible that you can’t? Remember, everything you do is part of your personal brand and you want to avoid even the smallest failures to keep your word. FLAT 1(d): Failure To Give Honest Opinions. If you think a colleague, especially a direct report, doesn’t have integrity, ask yourself: “Do I encourage others to disagree with me? Do I make it easy for this person to think and be different? Does this person feel valued when they offer a differing perspective?” If you’ve said “no” to any of these questions, you are discouraging honesty, and therefore trust. What do you do? See Tip 22, below. TIP 22: Foster Honesty. Foster honesty in others, especially if they report to you. Some people have difficulty stating unpopular or different views or even disagreeing with another. When you ask others for help in identifying what you are missing or specifically ask for pushback, you make it safer to be honest by being patient and curious. TIP 23: Support the Risk-Averse. Embrace and encourage calculated risk-taking. Recognize that a timid colleague will likely hold back and could lose productivity and profes- sional growth, so encourage calculated risk-taking by supporting the person when changes are implemented, recognizing the person publicly when the change goes well and debriefing in private when it doesn’t so that both you and the person learn what worked, what didn’t, and what to do the next time. TIP 24: Share Credit. When receiving praise or acknowledgment for a job well done, be sure to acknowledge anyone who contributed to the success. Never take credit for another’s work. TIP 25: Talk Straight. Be honest about your concerns and limitations. Openly expressing concerns allows team members to believe that if you think there is a problem, you will say so. Being open about your limitations not only makes you more human and likable, but also allows others to trust that you will get the job done because you’ll ask for support when you need it. Keep Moving Forward: Maintain Trust Trust is not a one-and-done process. Rather, like a good relationship, trust must be maintained over time to avoid a “flat”. The key is that if you notice you have fallen short of your own standards of reliability, competence, benevolence and caring, openness, and integrity, you take the steps necessary to make it right. You may have to clean up your mess by apologizing and explaining or fixing any problems you contributed to creating. If a team member has fallen short on any of these elements of trust, we recommend that you have a conversation to resolve any misunderstanding or disappointment. While it might be uncomfortable, it is better than sowing the seeds of distrust. 14

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Harness Diversity Step 2 WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW: For your eyes only Diversity is not just about race, gender, or generation. It’s also about different ways of thinking, working, and problem-solving. In other words, it’s the cause of Problem B. Most of us recognize that we work more smoothly with some colleagues than others. It doesn’t have anything to do with liking or disliking a person, it’s that the person truly does work differently and approach problem-solving in a manner that, from the perspective of our own hardwiring, seems foreign, stupid, or a waste of time. This is typical. Now, let’s transform any disconnect and annoyance into appreciation. First, evaluate your team’s ability to harness diversity: 17. How do you rate this ability on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest)? Overall score: 18. What could the team do to improve its ability to harness diversity by a point or two? 19. What are two concrete steps that you are willing to take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would improve the team’s ability to harness diversity? 20. What are two concrete steps the team could take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would improve your experience of harnessing diversity on the team? 21. What are two concrete steps you could take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would facilitate the team taking the actions identified in the previous question? Now that you’ve done your initial gut-check, let’s figure out what is really going on and how to improve your team’s capacity to harness its diversity. 15

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Harness Diversity Step 2 When two people in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary. - William Wrigley, Jr. Now that you’ve assessed your team’s ability to harness diversity lets explore it further. How do you harness diversity? Team members must first trust each other because harnessing diversity depends on team members’ ability to engage in unfiltered, passionate discussion about issues without feeling that they have to hold back because they might be misunderstood or “in trouble.” This is because passionate discussion can feel like conflict if there isn’t trust. Team members who trust each other know that this kind of conflict isn’t personally directed or intended to demean or undercut. While passionate discussion may at times be uncomfortable, where there is trust, team members will feel safe and be willing to share their thinking. Where there is diversity there are different perspectives. True collaboration requires a singular focus on achieving the team’s goals, which requires harnessing all of the resources available. The team’s greatest resource is its members, their thinking and their experience. Harnessing diversity means taking the time to listen to one another, ask questions, probe, and push back, all so that the team can find the best possible solution. What makes this sort of debate possible, sustainable, and even healthy, is trust. If team members trust each other and their focus on the goal, nothing is taken personally. In fact, team members appreciate that conflict born of diversity is not just helpful, but necessary to the team’s and even their own success. Harnessing diversity produces the best solution in the shortest period of time. The ABC’s of Dealing with Problem B So how do you transform annoyance and disagreement – Problem B – into appreciation of style differences so that better collaboration leads to better results? It’s as simple as ABC – Appreciate, Bridge, and Cope. 1. Appreciate. If colleagues appreciate and understand each other’s problem-solving styles, not only can they adjust their styles to interact more effectively, but they will likely grow to recognize such differences as advantageous and value one another. In other words, a differing opinion will cause team members to stop and think about what they might be missing. Remember, most problems are multifaceted and complex and consequently require people with different problem-solving skills to solve them. 16

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Harness Diversity The challenge for this and any diverse group is not mistaking differences in style for level of creativity or problem-solving. Remember: Style is how a person solves problems. Level is how well a person solves problems. And, distinguishing style from level is critical because failure to do so can result in underval- uing others and their potential for contributing to the achievement of the team’s goals. Such mistakes sound something like: “Penelope is in such a rut. In fact, I don’t think she’s ever even looked outside the box much less had an original idea.” or “Madison is so impractical. I wish she’d stop wasting our time with her ridiculous ideas. We have work to do!” Whether one is more likely to dismiss Penelope or Madison depends on one’s own style. Both Penelope and Madison are smart, capable, and creative. They think differently and bring different insights and approaches to a problem. Recognizing the differences as cognitive diversity is critical to transforming annoyance and contempt for one another into apprecia- tion and the power to truly leverage another’s style to effectively resolve a broader range of problems. Thus appreciation, in addition to trust, is necessary to harness diversity. Appreciation requires understanding that cognitive diversity means different approaches, different insights, and different concerns. It also requires interest in others’ perspectives and recognition that diversity is necessary to achieve great results. 2. Bridge. “Bridging” is a facilitation technique in which one person bridges the differences between the other two. The former translates between the two colleagues, often synthesiz- ing information and approaches so that the team can accomplish its goals, leveraging each member’s style. 3. Cope. Individuals often “cope,” which means using a non-preferred style to effectively deal with a gap between one’s own preferred style and a colleagues style, a task, or a group. While it is stressful to cope consistently over a long period of time, it is an extremely valuable strategy. We cope instinctively in order to be effective in the face of problems that aren’t the kind we prefer to solve. 17

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Harness Diversity Leverage the ABCs Cognitive diversity is everywhere. While it’s often mistaken for lack of ability, without the push and pull of diversity, teams can suffer from the absence of robust discussion about issues and, consequently, deliver mediocre results. We recommend that everyone invest time in understanding his or her self and others. Such un- derstanding yields great insight into one’s own personal effectiveness as well as how to more effectively collaborate with others, leveraging one’s own and others’ style for the best results. Appreciating and valuing the differences is vital to leading, collaborating, and personal effec- tiveness. Tools such as Type (see page 109 for more information) and the Kirton Adaption-Innovation Inventory (“KAI”) are ideal for creating such understanding. KAI identifies problem-solving style, which is how one prefers to manage the paradox of structure. The paradox of structure is the seemingly incongruent notion that structure both enables problem solving and limits problem solving. A person’s score is on a continuum between more adaptive and more innova- tive, meaning somewhere between only preferring to leverage structure to solve problems and only preferring the flexibility of ignoring structure to solve problems. FLAT 2(a): Like Me Trap. Be careful not to surround yourself with team members that think like you. It’s appealing to feel that you’re on the same page with team members – decisions and meetings go more smoothly. The problem with building a team of like-minded thinkers is that individual team members have similar blind spots and are likely to overlook the same concerns. The risk when you all agree is that you don’t have anyone covering your blind spots by raising issues you hadn’t thought of. To avoid mediocrity or worse, hire and build teams to include members with diverse perspectives. TIP 26: Hire for Diversity. Remember a team consists of people who share common responsibilities and rewards for accomplishing the team’s goals. In hiring, look for people who think and approach problem-solving differently. Yes, you want a team member to pass the “beer test” - you would enjoy having any kind of drink with him or her - but you also want team members to push you. You want your colleagues to catch what you may have overlooked. Remember, most problems are complex, meaning they require different prob- lem-solving styles and skill sets to solve. TIP 27: Allow Autonomy. If a team needs to solve challenging problems, team members must have sufficient autonomy to do their best thinking and be creative. TIP 28: Stay Curious. When someone thinks differently or raises concerns you hadn’t considered, don’t dismiss them. Instead, pause, be curious, and ask follow-up questions. This person is likely doing you a favor by pointing out issues in your blind spot – you know, the issues you tend to overlook. Isn’t it better to spend a little time gaining understanding than run the risk of making a terrible mistake? 18

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Harness Diversity FLAT 2(b): Too Polite to Be Effective. It’s almost impossible to harness diversity when team members are too polite with each other. If you notice there isn’t any disagreement or passion when discussing issues or about the work, you might have a flat. TIP 29: Practice Arguing. To address Flat 2(b), practice arguing, just for the fun of it. Have everyone take positions he or she doesn’t believe in or that are ridiculous. Argue and then have a good laugh! This will break the ice. TIP 30: Differences in Conflict Tolerances. People have different tolerances when it comes to conflict. Some perceive any disagreement as conflict. Others view passionate debate as a tool, and even as exhilarating. One lens for looking at differences in such tolerances is Type. Under Type theory, those who prefer Feeling value harmony and prefer to make decisions based on subjective values. Consequently, Feelers are often uncomfortable with disagreement. If, however, you offend a Feeler’s values, the Feeler will likely defend his or her values vehe- mently. Those that prefer Thinking, on the other hand, are likely to engage in passionate discussion that may sound like conflict, but it’s typically not the emotionally charged conflict that Feelers eschew. Thinkers, however, can be uncomfortable when the conflict is about emotions or emotional and personal. Knowing your own preference will help you understand your own and others’ hardwiring when it comes to conflict. And, importantly, such knowledge gives you the freedom to choose a strategy for addressing a conflict when your hardwired strategy likely won’t be successful. One such strategy is to “flex” to use one’s non-preferred function -- Thinking for Feelers and Feeling for Thinkers; it usually leads to better outcomes. This is because flexing helps Feelers gain distance from the very personal way in which conflict occurs for them. Similarly, flexing helps Thinkers consider others’ subjective values and focus on harmony, which preserves the relationship. FLAT 2(c): No Risk Taking. When team members don’t take risks supporting unpopular or controversial initiatives, you’ve got a flat. TIP 31: Encourage and Take Real Risks. To address Flat 2(c), take real risks not for the sake of risk but for the sake of the reward you believe possible. By your example, you will inspire others to take risks in order to achieve what they believe is possible. In short, you, whether you are the boss or not, can inspire others to achieve their dreams by words, by actions, and most importantly, by example. TIP 32: Concern, Not Criticism. Withhold judgment or criticism of ideas until you fully understand a team member’s idea by asking good questions. Instead of expressing criticism, express concern that the idea might not meet certain needs. TIP 33: Practice Acceptance. Especially if you sense that a team member’s hardwiring is different from yours, allow the team member to accomplish a task in leveraging his or her hardwiring. In other words, don’t require or suggest that the person does “it” the way you would. Your methodology might not work well for the person. 19

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Harness Diversity ASSESS AND ACT: For your eyes only To truly harness cognitive diversity, team members must leverage one another’s differing insights and perspectives. Often by passionately debating the issues and strategies for reso- lution. Discomfort with debate has the potential to derail success by stifling open discussion. Take a look at your team and answer the following questions; your goal is to assess your own hardwiring about conflict and arguing generally so that the hardwiring doesn’t prevent you and your team from harnessing diversity. The next step is developing clear conflict norms to create a safe environment for open discussion. 22. Define conflict and your reaction to it. 23. How was conflict managed in your home growing up? 24. What does conflict look like when it is a. productive? b. unproductive? 25. What could you do to improve your use of conflict as a tool or reaction to it? Conflict Norming 26. What norms or “rules of the road” are you and your team willing to agree to for a. Using conflict/debate/discussion as a tool? b. When you disagree with each other? 20

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Achieve Commitment Step 3 WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW: For your eyes only Evaluate your team’s ability to achieve commitment: 27. How do you rate this ability on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest)? Overall score: 28. What could the team do to improve its ability to achieve commitment by a point or two? 29. What are two concrete steps that you are willing to take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would improve the team’s ability to achieve commitment? 30. What are two concrete steps the team could take and an estimated timeline for their com- pletion that would improve your experience of commitment on the team? 31. What are two concrete steps you could take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would facilitate the team taking the actions identified in the previous question? Now that you’ve done a gut-check on your team’s ability to achieve commitment, let’s figure out what is really going on and how to improve it. 21

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Achieve Commitment Step 3 If team members don’t weigh in, they don’t buy in. Harnessing diversity is important because team members who appreciate each other’s unique strengths can engage in unfiltered debate about the issues and are able to achieve genuine buy-in around important decisions, even when members of the team initially disagree. Buy-In. The key is that everyone must be heard. In other words, if you have truly harnessed your team’s diversity, there may have been passionate debate about disagreements in approach. When team members have been heard in this manner, they are usually willing to commit to decisions even when such decisions are in opposition to their own views. Thus, a team that ensures that all opinions and ideas are put on the table and considered—everyone weighs in – achieves buy-in. Buy-in does not require consensus. Rather, buy-in requires a willingness to commit even though the team member may disagree with a decision. Clarity. In a very practical sense, clarity requires avoiding assumptions and ambiguity, and reaching a clear understanding about decisions. It requires ending discussions with a clear understanding about what each team member will do and by when. FLAT 3(a): Lack of Understanding. A team member leaves a meeting (or a string of emails) without understanding his or her role. TIP 34: Ask for Commitment. Use Win-Win Step 4 and Coaching Skills Step 5 to ensure team members both understand and commit to decisions. Ask, “Would you be willing to do X by Y?” This is a yes or no question, so whether a person commits is quite clear. If the decision is an integrated plan, be sure to ask everyone involved to state their understanding of what they will do by when. 22

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Embrace Accountability Step 4 WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW: For your eyes only Evaluate your team’s ability to embrace accountability. 32. How do you rate this ability on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest)? Overall score: 33. What could the team do to improve its ability to embrace accountability by a point or two? 34. What are two concrete steps that you are willing to take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would improve the team’s ability to embrace accountability? 35. What are two concrete steps the team could take and an estimated timeline for their com- pletion that would improve your experience of accountability on the team? 36. What are two concrete steps you could take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would facilitate the team taking the actions identified in the previous question? Now that you’ve done a gut-check on your team’s ability to embrace accountability, let’s figure out what is really going on and how to improve it. 23

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Embrace Accountability Step 4 Five frogs are sitting on a log.   Four decide to jump off. How many are left?   Answer: Five. Why? Because there’s a difference between deciding and doing. -Mark L. Feldman & Michael F. Spratt, ‘Five Frogs on a Log’ Accountability is a tool for achieving goals. It is intended to be supportive – to identify what worked, what didn’t, and what resources or support are needed to achieve success. Fear of negative consequences doesn’t contribute to achieving success; it only distracts from the work. Effective collaboration requires that: Team members be inspired to do their best work and support each other in achieving great results. Many fall into the common trap of viewing accountability as a negative or punitive tool and have the lackluster results to prove that they are not leveraging the power of accountability. The power of accountability is in the evaluation of your collaborative process. If you foster openness and safety in being forthcoming about mistakes and failures, you have the oppor- tunity to consider all the factors in evaluating what worked, what didn’t, and how to prevent less than 100 percent success in the future. Ask whether the circumstances were such that 100 percent success was in fact possible. If a colleague didn’t have the resources or time necessary for success, identify what was missing so that he or she can achieve success next time. Or perhaps, you and the colleague needed more effective planning and prioritization from the outset. Or did you need to adapt the plan to changing circumstances or unforeseen consequences? You foreclose access to these important lessons if you operate in a Win-Lose, blame ridden environment. There can be no blame if you want true collaboration and to learn from mistakes. Remember, accountability is an opportu- nity to identify what works and what was necessary for success. See Coaching Skills Step 5, Tip 156 page 119. Did the other person need to engage others or start earlier on the project? Tip 155 page 119. 24

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Embrace Accountability In establishing norms for accountability with colleagues, we recommend that you use questions, even to establish how the other person wants you to support him or her in being accountable. Notice that this is a shift to an empowering view of accountability; the underlying assumption is that your colleague wants accountability because it helps him or her stay on track and learn. When you do follow up, focus accountability on identifying what worked, what didn’t, and what you or the other person could do differently next time to ensure success. Accountability on highly collaborative teams occurs directly among team members. Team members support each other and their mutual goals by supporting one another in achieving results. We note that like any other behavior, truly embracing accountability requires the team’s leader to demonstrate willingness to confront difficult issues in this supportive manner. FLAT 4(a): Lack of Understanding. A team member has not done as expected because the team member didn’t understand his or her obligations. Lack of understanding is the source of many problems. Take the time to ensure that the team member understands what is expected of him or her and by when. TIP 35: Hold Accountable, Don’t Nag. Let’s face it, no one likes being nagged or being a nag. If a team member isn’t doing what he or she committed to do, it’s time for a Win-Win Conversation. Such a conversation will allow you to express concern, explore what’s going on, and devise a strategy that works for you both. In particular, if you are your colleague’s manager, be sure to probe whether your colleague has everything necessary, including time, to complete the task. 25

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Focus on Goals Step 5 WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW: For your eyes only Evaluate your team’s ability to focus on the team’s goals. 37. How do you rate this ability on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest)? Overall score: 38. What could the team do to improve its ability to focus on goals by a point or two? 39. What are two concrete steps that you are willing to take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would improve the team’s ability to focus on goals? 40. What are two concrete steps the team could take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would improve your experience of focus on the team’s goals rather than personal goals? 41. What are two concrete steps you could take and an estimated timeline for their completion that would facilitate the team taking the actions identified in the previous question? Now that you’ve done a gut-check on your team’s ability to focus on goals, let’s figure out what is really going on and how to improve it. 26

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Focus on Goals Step 5 Individuals play the game, but teams beat the odds. – Navy SEAL’s saying A truly collaborative team is comprised of team members who trust one another, harness diversity, commit to decisions, are accountable, and focus on the team’s goals in order to achieve exceptional results. What distinguishes a team from a mere group of people is the shared responsibility and rewards for achieving results. This interdependency fosters a sense of urgency to collaborate. It’s also this interdependency that creates the incentive for subjugating one’s personal goals and ambitions to team goals. The reason such subjugation works for individual team members is because only when the team succeeds, can individual team members also succeed. In other words, there cannot be individual success when the team fails, especially if such failure is caused by infighting. This is why trust – and especially benevolence – is critical for teams to work together. To focus on goals, team members must be willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt and address any issues as they arise. Team members must compete with each other, not against each other. Finally, for a team to focus on goals, the goals must be clear. The goals must be stated in terms that are specific and measurable so that team members know what success looks like and can work together to achieve that success. FLAT 5(a): Focus On Individual Goals. A flat occurs when a team member puts his or her own goals ahead of the team’s goals. Common distractions include: career advancement, compensation, “my own team or department,” and having to “look good.” FLAT 5(b): Unclear Goals. A flat occurs when goals are unclear. When a goal is unclear, team members don’t know what success looks like, waste time, and often feel as though they are working at cross purposes because they have each interpreted the goal slightly differently. Goals are best when they are very specific and measurable. Thus establishing “what by when” keeps a team’s focus on goals. FLAT 5(c): Failure to Prioritize. The failure to prioritize goals competing for valuable resources, including time, is a flat. If there is a scarcity of resources, human or otherwise, the team must prioritize its goals in order to make progress. If every goal is a priority, none is a priority. 27

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH: Focus on Goals FLAT 5(d): Inadequate Resources. Lack of the resources necessary to accomplish goals is a serious flat. FLAT 5(e): Unrealistic Time Frames. Setting unrealistic time frames can be demoraliz- ing and frustrating. Frustrations caused by team mismanagement detract from the ability of the frustrated team member to focus on goals. TIP 36: Ask For Feedback On Time Frames. By asking team members for feedback on the time frame for a project, you engage them in a discussion about whether the time frame is realistic. Importantly, you will want to encourage a frank discussion about priorities and the resources necessary to ensure success. Moreover, whether you are the leader or a team member that isn’t involved in the project, if you sense that the time frame is unrealistic or ad- ditional resources are necessary, speak up. FLAT 5(f): Lack of Progress. A failure to see, appreciate, and celebrate progress, no matter how small, is a flat. Seeing progress is essential to keeping team members engaged and focused on goals. TIP 37: Believe the Unbelievable. If you want to inspire others, you have to believe that what some think is impossible is possible. To inspire great thinking and achievement, ask team members, “Assuming that the impossible is possible, how would you solve this problem?” TIP 38: See Instability and Uncertainty As Opportunity. Put others’ minds at ease by looking for the opportunity. For example, reorganizing an entire sales team is accepted more easily when a major customer goes under. Creating new sales channels is a lot easier when a major competitor enters the market. Reorganizing manufacturing operations is a lot easier when the flow of supplies and components gets disrupted. The point is to see new cir- cumstances, especially the seemingly negative ones, as an opportunity to make the necessary changes that likely wouldn’t occur otherwise. TIP 39: Roll Up Your Sleeves. Dues aren’t paid, past tense. Dues get paid each and every day. The true measure of value is the tangible contribution we make on a daily basis. That’s why no matter what they may have accomplished in the past, great team members and leaders are never above rolling up their sleeves, getting their hands dirty, and doing the “grunt” work. When it comes to getting the job done, no job is ever too menial, no task ever too unskilled, or too boring. TIP 40: Embrace A Larger Purpose. Keeping the focus on the team’s goals is inspiring. But what is even more inspiring is when a team member works to serve a larger purpose: to advance the careers of other team members, to rescue struggling employees, to instill a sense of pride and self-worth in others. It’s not just the daily nuts and bolts achievements, but helping others on a personal and individual level that matters. TIP 41: Debrief. Whether a project goes well or poorly, debrief to find out what went well, what didn’t, and what the team could have done differently. It is especially important to debrief successes because teams tend to overlook what went well. Not only are there lessons to be learned here, but also focusing on success is good for morale and reminds everyone how much he or she has accomplished. Remember, seeing and celebrating progress inspires cre- ativity and problem-solving. 28

THE ARUDIA COLLABORATIVE APPROACH What Are Collaboration Norms? Highly effective teams have collaboration norms so that they don’t waste time by figuring out how to deal with Problem B. Norms guide how team members work with each other. They are not the policies and procedures regarding vacation, sick leave, emergency response protocols, and the like. Nor are they the definitions of roles and responsibilities or human resource processes. Rather, norms govern the mechanics of how the team works together, reflects ex- pectations, and prevents misunderstandings. TIP 42: Adopt a No Beach Ball Policy. The beach ball represents an issue, something you are holding onto that isn’t working for you. Imagine that you are in a waist-high pool and holding these beach balls under water, i.e., suppressing them. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to suppress even one “beach ball.” Adopt a “no beach ball policy” to minimize stress and maximize results. WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE IN PLACE: For your eyes only Evaluate your team’s use of collaboration norms. 42. What norms for working together are already in place? 43. What norms are missing? 44. What about how your team members work with one another works well? 45. What about how your team members work with one another does not work well? 46. What about how your team members work together annoys you? 47. What about how one or more of your team members work with you annoys you? a. What happens – just the facts (See Step 1 of Win-Win for more information.) b. What are you making it mean? In other words, what have you mistaken as a “fact,” that is really judgment about the situation or a person’s motive, intention, or ability? c. What are alternative interpretations of the underlying facts? 48. What do you do that annoys a team member? a. What could the team member make it mean? b. What could you do to allay any negative assumptions or reduce the annoyance? 49. What can the team do to improve how its members work with one another? 50. What can you do to improve how you work with the team? 29

THE ARUDIA COLLABORATIVE APPROACH Establish Collaboration Norms Work with your team members to deliberately and intentionally choose collaboration norms that support the team in doing its best work. Meetings 51. What is the structure and schedule of a meeting? 52. Does every meeting have an agenda? 53. What are your meeting categories? a. Stand-Up Meeting: The purpose of this meeting is 5 to 10 minutes of catch up to identify who’s in the office, who needs support or help, and what of importance has changed since the last meeting. They are usually in the morning, before the day gets going. These meetings can occur in an office, near the coffee machine, or in a hallway. They are not to occur in a conference room where team members are likely to settle in. b. Staff Meeting: The purpose of these meetings is to bring everyone up to speed on what they need to know, gain support from team members, and make decisions. These meetings are weekly or biweekly. Ideally, the meeting begins with every team member giving a one-minute overview of what’s on his or her plate. The team selects the most important issues for discussion once everyone’s spoken. c. Quarterly Meeting: The purpose is to address longer-term challenges. These meetings can be anywhere from a few hours to a day. d. Annual Retreat: Use annual retreats to focus the team on vision, mission, and strategic planning. These meetings can be anywhere from a day to two or three days. 54. Acceptable behaviors: a. Answer your phone/check email during the meeting? b. What is acceptable and what is not acceptable when engaging in discussion and debate? i. Interrupting others ii. Yelling iii. Other behaviors 55. Extent to which being on time is a priority. 30

THE ARUDIA COLLABORATIVE APPROACH Communication 56. Preferred methods of communication: a. Email, phone, text b. Norms around using each method 57. Timeliness of responding to one another: a. How quickly is a response to email or voicemail expected? b. Under what circumstances? 58. Use of common resources, e.g., shared staff and budget. 59. Availability during non-work hours: a. Evenings, weekends, vacation b. To answer questions or for meetings 60. The level of freedom team members have when interacting with one another’s staff. For example, whether team members can go directly to one another’s staff with questions, requests, etc. TIP 43: Avoid Misunderstandings. Discuss collaboration norms, both internally and with clients, to avoid embarrassing misunderstandings. TIP 44: When You’re Struggling To Agree On Norms. There are times when it seems that agreement is impossible: you say “no,” your colleague says “no.” Disagreement on strategy is an opportunity to explore your own and your colleague’s concerns. Take, for example, a situation in which a colleague wants to limit communication to email and doesn’t want to commit to responding in less than three days. When expressing your disagreement with this proposed norm, don’t just say “no.” Instead, state your concern and ask for your colleague’s input: “My concern is that if we agree to limit our communication to email and commit to responding within three days, we won’t be communicating quickly enough on urgent matters. What are your thoughts?” If you are faced with a colleague who seems to throw up roadblocks to establishing collab- oration norms, uncover the colleague’s underlying concerns by asking questions or making probing statements. For example, if a direct report doesn’t want you to attend his or her team’s meetings, uncover the reason for the resistance. “I’d like to understand your concerns. Would you be willing to share them with me?” 31

THE ARUDIA COLLABORATIVE APPROACH You could even leave off the question. Most people will respond to a probing statement and it’s a more gentle way of engaging another. If your direct report says that your presence is “disruptive,” find out what that means. The characterization of your presence as “disruptive” is just that – a characterization. Ask what happens differently when you are at meetings and how this interferes with your direct report’s goals. These are Win-Win techniques, which can be found starting on page 40. TIP 45: Review and Commit. Record the norms you’ve agreed upon. Review to ensure everyone understands and agrees with each norm. This ensures commitment. Notice that this is essentially Step 5 of The Coaching Model, Page 119, in a group setting. Summary Great results require effective collaboration. Effective collaboration requires that a team harness the diverse skills and perspectives of its members through passionate, unfiltered debate to achieve the best results quickly. This requires trust. Trust requires that teams harness diversity, achieve commitment, embrace accountability, and focus on goals. It sounds circular because it is. While it begins with trust, a flat can occur anywhere on the wheel. Thus, if collaboration isn’t effective, if it “doesn’t feel right,” take a step back to assess, find, and remove the nail in the wheel. Effective collaboration is an ongoing process. To maintain effectiveness and achieve results, teams must maintain their teamwork wheels. 32

THE ARUDIA WIN-WIN CONVERSATION MODEL The Arudia Win-Win Conversation Model 33

THE ARUDIA WIN-WIN CONVERSATION MODEL Using The Win-Win Conversation Model you will solve problems more collaboratively, effective- ly, and creatively for better results. You get better results by striving to meet all team members’ needs. It is your quest to meet all needs that engages team members and leads to their com- mitment to decisions, even if such decisions fail to meet a particular team member’s needs. The key is that all team members believe that their concerns were heard and understood and then prioritized, as necessary. The five step Arudia Win-Win Conversation Model appears below. The critical elements of The Arudia Win-Win Conversation Model are to state facts in a neutral manner, to understand one’s own and others’ feelings and needs, to distinguish strategy from the underlying need or goal, and to treat others’ needs as important as your own. Colleagues who use Win-Win communicate more effectively because they focus on the goals first and the strategies second. Exploring and reaching understanding, and hopefully agreement, on goals is a critical first step in productive collaborative problem-solving or negotiation of any kind. You will also enhance your ability to use neutral language to avoid triggering consequences, to make requests more clearly and in a manner that encourages clear, results-focused commu- nication. 34

THE ARUDIA WIN-WIN CONVERSATION MODEL Top 10 Reasons For Using Win-Win 1. You are tired of being unsure of how to have a difficult conversation and get a positive result. 2. You have the same conversation over and over again and it goes nowhere. 3. You’d like for colleagues to understand you. 4. Defensiveness is getting in the way of progress. 5. You’ve tried every trick in the book and still find collaboration a challenge. 6. You want others to actually listen to what you are saying. 7. You are thinking of transferring or getting a new job because you can’t stand the inter- personal dynamic at work. 8. You used to like your job . . . 9. You’d like to be one of those leaders or colleagues that people admire for maintaining equanimity under pressure. 10. You want to be less stressed and more effective. What are your reasons? 35

THE ARUDIA WIN-WIN CONVERSATION MODEL “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” Rumi, Persian Poet 1207 – 1273 AD What Rumi said, and what we’re challenging you to consider is: What would collaboration look like if you abandoned blame (including blaming yourself) and instead focused on solv- ing the problem challenging you and your colleagues? The graphic below depicts the inverse relationship between blame and results. Said another way, when you focus your energy on blaming yourself or others, you are not focused on solving the problem and results suffer. Inverse Relationship: Problem Solving and Blame Inverse Relationship: Problem Solving and Blame Results Aw1e0so0me Acce7p5table Med5io0cre Results Una2c5ceptable Failu0re mindset Solution Blame 36