Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories

Chapter 1 : How Fortunate to Have You, Grandma 137

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories “Eating a dish that’s stil hot is one of the best feelings ever.” I was busy with two co-curricular activities and faced the pressure of preparing for exams for a while. I also needed to help with my family’s business. Working while eating has become a habit. Many times I don’t even know what I’m eating, and I don’t care too much about whether it’s good or not, whether it’s a hot dish that was just cooked or a dish that has been cold for a long time. One day my mom said she had no time to pick me up. I had no choice and I had to go to my grandmother’s house who lived nearby and had dinner before going home. That night, my grandmother took the vegetables she grew from her backyard and cooked them for me. It was obviously just a stir-fried Sayur Manis dish, but I cried unexpectedly while I was eating it. It feels as if it had been a long time since I finished a meal when the meals were still warm. Contributor: Tham Tian Ni 138

Fried Sayur Manis Chapter 1 : How Fortunate to Have You, Grandma It had been my favourite dish in my grandmother’s eyes since that day. Ingredients: Minced garlic Sayur manis Salt Water a little bit Recipe: 1. Heat up the oil in a pan, saute the minced garlic. 2. Add in sayur manis and cook. 3. Add a little of water and right amount of salt. 139

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories “Grandma's cooking is always the best” Pork trotter vinegar is my grandma’s signature dish. My grandma was a down-to-earth and frugal person. She likes to cook herself, not only because it’s cheaper than eating out, but because she thinks cooking at home is healthier than eating out. Grandma lives in Johor, and usually, only her and grandpa eat together, so she only prepares some simple dishes for both of them. However, whenever my family and I come back to Johor for a few days, she will go to the morning market to buy pig trotters in advance and prepare to make pig trotter vinegar for us. In her eyes, pork trotter vinegar is our family’s favourite. The sweet and sour soup with fat and tender pork always makes us eat a few bowls of rice at once. Therefore, whenever she receives the news that we are going back to our hometown, she will definitely go to the morning market in advance to look for the pig’s trotter. When I was a child, although I liked the pork trotter vinegar cooked by my grandmother, I still didn’t understand why my grandmother always cooked the same dish. When 140

we grow up, life gets busier and busier. In addition, with the Chapter 1 : How Fortunate to Have You, Grandma pandemic, we can only go back to our hometown once or twice a year at most. At this time, when I returned to my hometown, I discovered the meaning of my grandmother’s pork trotter vinegar. The dish represents her care and love for us, and it is her way of expressing her love and her care to us. She always complained about the increase in pork prices, the inability to buy pig trotters and so on. But no matter what, she will find a way to make the pork trotter vinegar. Every time we eat this dish, it will make our family feel happy and warm. Now, my grandmother is very old and her body is getting weaker and weaker, but she still insists on cooking for us whenever we go back to our hometown, and she will always prepare the pork trotter vinegar. To ensure that we can still eat our favourite dishes in the future, my grandma also taught my mother and me to make this dish! While learning to cook this dish, I have come to appreciate the preparation effort required to make this dish, and I cherished everything my grandma has always done for us. Therefore, I decided to share this recipe. Contributor: Mu Lei 141

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories Sweet and sour pork trotter vinegar I vaguely remember that whenever she brought the pork trotter vinegar to the table, she would take a small sip and say “today’s not sour enough” and “today’s meat is not tender enough”. Even so, the pork trotter vinegar she made is still the most tender and delicious in my memory. Of course, my grandmother not only likes to prepare this dish for us, but she also often prepares braised duck, seaweed soup and other dishes that we love, but the most common thing is pork trotter vinegar. Ingredients: Water 8 cups Rock sugar 1 piece Pork trotter 2 Coconut sugar 1 piece Black vinegar 1.5 cups Assam 2 pieces (according to personal Sweet vinegar 1.5 cups preference) Soy sauce 1/4 cup Dried chillies 6 Black sesame oil 1 tsp Old ginger 2 pieces Garlic 1 Recipe: 1. Soak the pig’s trotter in cold water to soak out the blood water for about half an hour. Peel the ginger pieces. 2. Then scald the pig’s trotter slightly to wash off the impurities for later use. In a clay pot, pour black vinegar, sweet vinegar, and water. Slightly flatten the ginger for later use. Add the peppers and garlic to the clay pot and heat. 3. In the wok, add a teaspoon of black sesame oil, pour in the washed pork trotter and ginger and stir-fry until the pork skin is a little golden brown. 4. Then pour the meat into the vinegar water that has just been heated, bring to a boil over high heat, and simmer for an hour on medium heat. 142

5. After an hour, add flakes of rock sugar, coconut sugar and soy Chapter 1 : How Fortunate to Have You, Grandma sauce, cover and simmer for another half an hour, if you like softer, you can simmer for 45 minutes. 143

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories “It keeps our distance closer than we thought” For me, food evokes memories. When we see a certain food, it always reminds people of those years, those things, and that person. Growing up in a traditional Hakka family, I have tasted all kinds of Hakka dishes. However, among the many dishes, there is a traditional Hakka snack called “Caiwan” which has always been the most memorable Hakka dish in my heart. This dish has always been my grandmother’s first choice for breakfast. In the blink of an eye, she passed away five years ago. Whenever I see this snack, the image of her sitting in the dining room at home and having a leisurely breakfast will naturally come to my mind. The soft and glutinous buns with fried savoury fillings seem unremarkable, but they always make people who have tasted it unforgettable. Just like grandmother’s gentle and kind smile, it has always been deeply imprinted in my heart. Even though me and grandmother are separated, I 144

am fortunate to be able to taste this dish once in a while to Chapter 1 : How Fortunate to Have You, Grandma make me miss her. Contributor: Lee Huey Yi 145

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories Hakka Hepo Vegetable Dumplings Filling: Dumpling Skin (about 40): Dried Shrimp Ingredient A: Ingredient B: Garlic Sprouts 8 Rice flour 240g potato starch 10 tbp (an be replaced by Glutinous rice flour 4 Cooking oil 2 tbp yambean and carrot) tbp Dried Tofu 4 pieces Water 480ml Recipe: Stuffing: 1. Soak dried shrimps in water until soft, drain and chop. 2. Wash the garlic sprouts and cut them into small pieces; cut the dried tofu into small cubes. 3. Put a little cooking oil in the pot, after the oil is hot, saute the dried shrimps until fragrant, add in the garlic sprouts and dried tofu, stir fry until cooked, season according to personal preference. Pour into bowls and set aside to cool. Dumpling skin: 1. Sieve the rice flour and glutinous rice flour and mix well. 2. Bring water to a boil, immediately add in glutinous rice flour and glutinous rice flour, stir quickly until even. 3. Put step 5 into a large plate, add in ingredients B, knead into a smooth dough while it is still hot. 4. Divide the dough into small pieces, press into small pieces, wrap in filling and place on a greased plate. 5. Put hot water in a pot and steam for 10 minutes. 6. After steaming, brush with a little cooking oil immediately. 146

Chapter 1 : How Fortunate to Have You, Grandma 147

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories 148

Chapter 2 That Irreplacable Home Taste

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories “Even though it fails, it stil tastes good!” For me personally, how I define family is “People who have blood relation, people that can’t be separated even if we quarrel, fall sick or passed away”. The reason my mom suddenly wanted to learn making Brown Sugar Fatt Koh(Rise cake) is that, since she’s a housewife and would always send my brother and I to school and back from school every day, she felt bored as she had nothing to do afterwards, plus the fact that my dad will only be back around 7 or 8 o’clock at night after work. Also, during that time, there was a trend of making kuihs and fancy dishes, and it was a thing in between the aunties. My mom was influenced, feeling that she wanted to learn so that she can make it for her children. I remember she learned to make some cakes, later on she moving on to learning traditional kuihs. In the beginning, I had forgotten what types of kuih she had made, until when it comes to this Brown Sugar Fatt Koh. One day, I remember it was after school, she was in the mood and started making the Brown Sugar Fatt Koh. I think I was doing homework at that time, or perhaps I was 150

was asleep, I entered the kitchen and saw my mom just Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste finished making the kuih at that time, and took the kuih out from the bowl. I asked her, “What’s this?” She said this is “Brown Sugar Fatt Koh” and cut a small piece of the kuih for me. After tasting it, I said, “It’s so delicious!” and asked her again, “What cake is this? Why does it taste different from the usual Fatt Koh (Raise cake) I ate ?” She said, “This is Brown Sugar non-rise cake!” And then I asked her, “How to make it?” She said, “since the flour didn’t rise, so it’s non-rise cake!” My mom really did put in yeast , but the flour still didn’t rise up. She used a bowl to put the dough, and usually after rising, the cake will be higher than the bowl. But the ones she made is like only half of the bowl when it’s done, and it was still hard. After that, for a long time, the Brown Sugar Fatt Koh stuck in my mind, even though my mom made a lot of different kuihs within that period, because it’s really delicious! I told her that perhaps if the cake rose, it wouldn’t be the taste I prefer. And probably because it didn’t rise, and I personally like to eat harder food, I was very happy, and kept telling mom about that. However, she thought that I was being sarcastic. After that, she never makes the kuih anymore, even if she made similar kuih afterwards. She 151

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories simply stopped making Brown Sugar Fatt Koh. Actually, she was quite hilarious at that time - she had a recipe book with her, and she proceeded to tear that page away, saying, “I don’t wanna make this anymore!” But I feel it was a waste. I bet if anyone who had the chance to try it, they would definitely like it too. My dad complimented it too, and my brother was probably still young at that time, around 7,8 years old, so he just simply ate it without thinking. However, my mom never make the cake again, and it’s quite saddening. Even until now, I can still remember the taste. So, as what I’ve mentioned earlier, probably because my family prefers hard food, this dish really suits us and we all enjoyed the kuih. But my mom felt awkward, because she took it as a failed product, so she doesn’t want to do it again. When I received your questionnaire, I was thinking about what I can write. ctually, I like a lot of her dishes, like her fried chicken, pork leg vinegar, Young Tau Fu, and more. But I decided to share this Brown Sugar non-rise Cake because it was something special. She didn’t make this dish on purpose and she don’t want to make it ever again. It’s quite saddening, because even if she makes Brown Sugar Fatt Koh, I think it’s not bad either. I told her 152

that I will share her Brown Sugar non-rise cake to you all, Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste and she just smiled away. Since you all are going to compile it into a book, once you publish it, I will show it to her, hoping that will encourage her to complete her experience in making this cake. Even if she succeeds or fails again, I’m okay with it, as long as she completes her experience of making the cake. Also, if I have the chance to learn, of course I will, because I really think it’s delicious. I really want to learn it, so I can also make it for others to try. Contributor: Tan Shu Zhing 153

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories Brown Sugar “Non Fatt Koh” When it comes to the actual Fatt-Koh, it was essential to add in the shredded coconut, but we didn’t add that in since it’s “Non-Fatt Koh”. Simply cut it into pieces, and it’s ready to be served. This recipe was told by my mom based on her memories, since the original recipe was being torn off by herself, even the trace of the page being torn is still on there. Ingredients: Caster sugar 50g brown sugar 50g Water 240ml Flour 250g Yeast 11g Cooking oil 4 tbp Recipe: 1. Mix everything nicely and pour it into a bowl. 2. Steam it in high heat for 20 mins then add a little salt and shredded coconut. 3. Then cut it into slices and it’s ready to serve. 154

“Tastes across two generations” Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste I believe anyone who knows this small place in Muar knows that one of the most iconic delicacies is otak-otak. For me, Otak is the taste of my hometown. Although my family and I did not live in the small town of Muar for a long time, we had many memories of Otak. Our family buys Otak to eat on some special days, such as Chinese New Year, birthdays of elders, and full moon wine of juniors, etc. But my dad’s memories of Muar’s Otak gave me a new appreciation for the food. For my dad, the smell of otak- otak is his childhood and evokes his memories. I stumbled across this dish with my dad. In my mind, my dad was a quiet man. He only likes light porridge with soy sauce, and I’ve never heard him describe any of his favourite foods to me. Until one day when he ate that otak again, he was very excited to tell me that it was the taste he had when he was a child. Then he began to tell the story of his high school in Muar Chung Hwa Middle School when he was a youngster. My father lived in Muar when he was a child, so he naturally chose to study in the high school in this small town 155

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories of Muar. Although I don’t remember the whole story clearly, I still remember the sentence, “Every time after school, I would ride that old bicycle to Amei’s to buy otak (otak).” I still remember him on the day I was talking about this story, I also held Amei’s Otak in my hand, and added, “It still tastes like when I was young, it’s still delicious.” Although I only remember this short sentence, it reminds me of the expression of contentment and happiness on his face, the taste that belongs to his memory. This feels like when I was in middle school, I would buy some snacks before school started, such as fried banana cakes or some small snacks to eat. Looking at my dad’s happy expression, I suddenly realized that maybe it is not just about the flavour, but more about your memory of this food. For example, the time of your youth when you went to eat delicious food with your significant other. It can also be said that because of this accidental conversation, I discovered that a dish is not only for the enjoyment of taste buds, but also records unique memories. Contributor: Poh Su Cien 156

“Mom, now it's my turn to take care of Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste you.” As a kid, I didn’t really understand what delicious food was. My family usually preferred having simple meals - a simple omelette, a plate of green vegetables, a bowl of porridge, and more abundant fish. I don’t know when it started, but one night at the dinner table, there was such a thing with a particularly magical taste. It’s Tomato Stew Potato Meatballs. This dish is very special to me because as a kid I’d never seen a dish that combined tomatoes and potatoes, plus the meatballs soaked up the tomato juice, it tasted amazing. I still remember when my mother made this dish for the first time, I ate it with relish and praised it, and I wanted to eat it again after I finished it. At that time, I thought that my mother seemed like a magician, and she could always make dishes so delicious. As for me, I like to save my favourite food for last, delaying enjoyment. I still remember one time I deliberately saved the tomato stewed potato meatballs for last. Eating and eating and discovering, oh my god! What’s the last of 157

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories these meatballs left? I looked up and saw my not-so-cute brother eating happily. Seeing that the last meatball in the bowl was also eaten by my brother, I sensed something in my eyes, and my face was slowly wet with tears. My mother came to comfort me immediately after seeing this. She said, “My brother is still young. As a sister, you have to let him. Mom will make another batch for you tomorrow.” Hearing this sentence, I suddenly stopped crying and felt very happy. Because my mother’s health has always been very bad, she underwent three major surgeries before and after, and her physical strength and energy gradually decreased. As I grew up, so did my mother. Elementary school, middle school, and even university, not to mention that I am now working away from home, and I can hardly eat this dish made by my mother. Every time I go home, I can’t bear to let my mother cook for me, so I choose to take her out for a big meal and let her enjoy herself. Now, no matter how busy I am, I always go home. When I get home, I will definitely cook this dish for my mother to let her know that when I grow up, she doesn’t have to worry about me, and I can also let her taste the 158

deliciousness of this dish. Mom, thank you for your Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste continued company and care. In the days to come, I want to switch roles with you and let me take care of you. Contributor: Lim Yee Xuan 159

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories Tomato stewed potato meatballs Meatballs: Potato tomato soup: Lean meat Onion Soy sauce Garlic Salt Potato Pepper Tomato Tomato sauce Salt Pepper Recipe: 1. Wash the potatoes and cut them into pieces slice the onions and garlic, peel the tomatoes and cut them into small pieces. 2. Chop the lean meat into minced meat, add soy sauce, salt, and pepper, stir well, marinate and roll it into meatballs. 3. Heat oil in a pan, put the meatballs in the pan, fry until fully cooked, and put in a bowl for later use. 4. Put the garlic in the pan and saute until fragrant, add the potato cubes and stir fry evenly. 5. Add tomato cubes and stir fry, then add tomato sauce, then add onions, stir fry evenly, pour in an appropriate amount of water, and simmer slowly over low heat. 6. When the potatoes are soft, add the fried meatballs, season with salt and pepper, and mix well. 7. Boil it until it thickens, and you’re ready to go! 160

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Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories “I'm hungry, do you have anything to eat?” Actually, the reason for sharing this dish is very simple. When it comes to dishes that make me feel fond of memories, the first dish that comes to my mind is half- boiled eggs. Although this dish is very simple, even me, who sucks on cook, can make it. It has the deepest memory for me. I forgot how old I was at the time, but it was the first dish that I recalled among all the dishes. Although it can’t fill my stomach, it can satisfy my cravings when I am hungry. Every time I get hungry, it was between lunch and dinner time. In short, I usually get hungry during afternoon tea time. It doesn’t mean that there was no dry food to satisfy my cravings, but I just didn’t want to eat such sticky food to satisfy my cravings, simply wanting to bother my mother. Therefore, whenever I am hungry, I will ask my mother in Hokkien: “Mi(mom), I am hungry, is there anything to eat?”. Since I was young at the time, I don’t fully remember what my mother replied to me, but she would start cooking this dish for me, and I would “stand by” and watch her go 162

back and forth. I don’t know if other families use the same Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste tools to make this dish, but I personally think my mother’s tools for cooking eggs are unique, so for me, it’s one of the reasons I’m impressed. Contributor: Lee Huey Sing 163

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories Half-boiled eggs that satisfy my cravings My mother will prepare a small pot with hot water in it. Then she’d put the egg in and wait a few minutes for it to be half cooked. After she thinks the eggs are cooked to the level she wants, she takes them out, taps the shell, and puts the half-boiled egg inside into a small pink bowl. Before my mom gave it to me, she would mix the eggs for me, and then put in a moderate amount of soy sauce and a moderate amount of pep- per. A half-boiled egg in my memory is ready, which is the moment I look forward to the most! Ingredients: Egg 1 Soy sauce right amount Pepper right amount 164

“Bowl after bowl of exclusive dishes” Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste My mom used to have a job, but she took care of us, all five children, she quit her job and became a full-time housewife. In addition to taking care of our studies, my mother also cares about our health. She is a very particular person. She thinks that the food sold outside will contain a lot of MSG, which she thinks is unhealthy, so our three meals are usually cooked by her and her mother-in-law. Because of this, what worries my mother the most every day is, “I don’t know what to cook today...” So she often reads recipe books and develops new dishes by herself. For example, nasi lemak (nasi lemak), braised noodles, prawn noodles, etc., and even all kinds of desserts! But the most delicious is laksa (laksa). My friends who have eaten this dish are full of praise! My mother is mainly vegetarian and loves laksa. She likes to develop her own dishes and cook delicious food for us. So this vegetarian laksa is my mother’s exclusive dish. No one can cook this taste except her. When Mom first 165

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories cooked it, our whole family fell in love with it as soon as we ate it. Contributor: Loo Wan Xin 166

Mom’s exclusive vegetarian Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste laksa Actually tastes not much different from ordinary laksa, but it has enough hot and sour taste that laksa should have, and it’s very appetizing! Every time my mother cooks this dish, we will definitely not waste it, and eat bowl after bowl. This laksa makes me think my mom can start a shop with it! Ingredient: Lemongrass Seasoning: Small chilli Pineapple Laksa flower Mushroom essence Lime Asam 3 to 4 tbp Mint leaves Laksa sticks Salt 2 tbp Cucumber Sugar 2 tbp Vegetarian fish chopped ** Please adjust the amount Seaweed 4 pieces of seasoning according to smashed your own taste Recipe: 1. Put all the ingredients into the pot, and cover the ingredients with water. 2. Heat the pot until boiling, then slow cook it for 1 hour. 3. Add seasonings and simmer for 2 hours to finish Laksa. 4. Soft boiled laksa sticks, top with pineapple sticks, lettuce, cucumber sticks, mint leaves, ginger flowers, shredded chilli peppers, pour over the cooked laksa soup and enjoy. 167

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“Hardest day being a mother” Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste Speaking of this dish, the more I think about it, the more I cry. I believe that all women who have become mothers know how difficult it is for a woman to give birth to a child. It is difficult to deliver after 10 months of pregnancy, from the early stage of pregnancy to the birth of the baby. After the confinement period, you will also face those postpartum problems. Like postpartum depression, hair loss, body running out of shape, etc. Many questions challenge the willpower of being a mother. Some even never survive on the operating table, leaving their children alive. Even worse, when we were lying on the operating table, we were most afraid of the difficulty of giving birth, not being able to give birth, too much bleeding, and many problems. Also situations like, the nurse asking the wife’s husband: “Do you want to save the mother or child?” A woman is most afraid that her husband will blurt out “keep the child”, which will break the woman’s heart, leading to disappointment. As a married woman, you have to give up a lot. Whether you can be yourself in your in-laws’ family is still unknown. Who would have thought that his protective umbrella would be a sharp blade that would hurt you to the 169

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories point of being bruised and bruised, a person you loved the most, giving up everything for him, and faced the difficulty of having a child, but in the end, it was his own wishful thinking, a tool for childbirth. Men call it a good name, in order to inherit the family, but they never think from another angle, if there is no woman who loves you deeply, can they have children? A woman giving birth to a child is equivalent to breaking twenty ribs. A woman who is willing to give birth to a child for you is the one who loves you the most, but unfortunately, many men do not know it. Pork liver is one of my favourite dishes, and my mother-in-law cooks it for me every time I have a baby and during confinement. After giving birth, women are the weakest and need to make up for it, and even more need to do confinement. This is what my mother-in-law said. I have four children. After each child is born, she will prepare pork liver to supplement the body. For me, it’s the most special and meaningful thing. Pork liver is rich in iron and phosphorus, which is an indispensable raw material for hematopoiesis. Pork liver is rich in protein, lecithin and trace elements, which are beneficial to children’s intellectual development and 170

physical development. Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste Pork liver is rich in vitamin A, often eating pork liver can gradually eliminate eye diseases. According to modern medical research, the pork liver has a variety of anti-cancer substances, such as vitamin C, selenium, etc., and the liver also has a strong anti-cancer ability and contains special substances for anti-fatigue. According to the Baidu Encyclopedia, the pig liver has many functions. Share a story. A pair of friends met. A person who was afraid to have children saw that the friend who had just given birth was looking good, so she said to her, “You look good and you are recovering well.” The woman who just gave birth said, “I hired a capable aunt, she helped me a lot, and I felt a lot more relaxed.” “It went well. Watching you come along, your state is also an inspiration to someone like me who dare not have children.” The woman who had just given birth said: “Actually, the whole truth is not what it seems. Although I have made many realistic preparations, including psychological construction, financial savings, attending parental counselling classes, and carefully discussing the family division of labour and child-raising plans with my husband, there are always some unplanned 171

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories situations. ‘Life is not like cooking, you can prepare all the ingredients before you put it in the pot’, the reminder of this sentence is: people can’t be that arrogant to think that they can be prepared to face everything.” In the end, what is left out that remains unprepared? The first is the pain of childbirth. I heard about the pain of giving birth to a child before, but I heard too much and turned ‘pain’ into an abstract concept - ‘pain’ since every mother has to experience it, it’s not special, let’s face it. But when I experience it, I know that the pain of the body makes any concept and language pale. Even if a philosopher who has fully understood human suffering is suddenly thrown into the torture of the body, the ‘concept’ of ‘pain’ disappears, and only the body is left to survive, and he will instantly understand: Compared with the pain of the mind, Physical pain is far more brutal and sharp. Everyone’s experience with having a child is different. And these are the experiences of the woman who had given birth. the type with the rougher production process includes: oxytocin was given, which aggravated the pain, persisted for 24 hours, and finally performed a caesarean section because the conditions 172

were not suitable for a natural delivery. In the same delivery Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste room, there were also people who gave birth to the child very quickly after only four or five hours of pain. In short, there may be many uncontrollable factors in the production process, which was not expected before. It was the most painful time in her life. When she was in extreme pain, she would bang her head against the wall, and she would lose all thoughts and almost despair. Later, she was exhausted, she will collapse, she became confused and had a fever, but she did not dare to close her eyes to sleep, because she was afraid that she would never wake up again. Fortunately, modern medicine has better techniques and methods, which have greatly reduced the risk of childbirth. She doesn’t dare to recall the scene carefully now, because if she thinks about it, she will still feel sad and want to cry. For me, the moment the child came out, it was like the aftermath of a catastrophe, everything was over and the chapter was turned. It turned out that all mothers have been through this. Pregnancy and childbirth are the invisible temperings of a woman, which is close to the baptism of life and death, and there will always be something left behind. Regardless of whether a pregnant woman is in danger during childbirth, the severe pain will bring her close to 173

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories ‘death’, and she also experiences what ‘newborn’ is, which allows women to understand the essence of life better than men. They do not think with their minds but practice with their bodies. So I say that being a mother is great, and this “greatness” is not affordable for ordinary people. Such “greatness” is something that every mother has to bear and cannot be bargained for. If it is possible to have a child without experiencing such ‘greatness’, I think we are all willing to talk to God about the conditions. Perhaps it is nature’s merciless setting that makes every mother so ordinary and ‘great’ without the privilege of a pardon. Many women say that having a baby is the beginning of training. In fact, for me, whenever, during pregnancy and after having a baby, it was a test. Fertility is a stage in which a woman removes layers of whitewash and stares directly at life, during which it is easy to break out of hidden crises. Because most of us live such a life: the external standards are uneven, we are at a loss, and we do not know which standard to adhere to. And, in the experience, we have more or less undetectable trauma and anger towards the intimate relationship, and suddenly faced with the newborn baby, a small life that is extremely dependent on us, but brings us a lot of ‘trouble’, many New mothers are instantly 174

at a loss. Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste The pain of the original body tearing and the ancient attachment of mother and child make the woman’s seem- ingly strong, but in fact vague and contradictory self col- lapse and shatter, leaving her body and mind in an empty loneliness. Such biting loneliness is indescribable and un- reliable, just like the bustling tide receding, revealing the crux of the depths of life. If I had not sunk to the bottom of my life to see and accept myself, my trauma and anger would have prevented me from accepting what my children brought. In some families, the patriarchal culture easily ig- nores the psychological support and voice of the mother. The husband is the boss, and the intervention of the elder- ly, especially the mother-in-law, will also deprive the new mother of her presence. I know some female friends, before giving birth, they were all calm and peaceful, but after giv- ing birth, the waves were turbulent. Childbirth will expose the weaknesses of the marriage, especially the weakness- es of both spouses in the family of origin. Some people say that when a man and a woman get married, not two people but six people lie on the marriage bed because behind the 175

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories man and woman there are both parents involved. This is not unreasonable. It’s just that when the couple was young, such participation was not obvious. When a child was born, the parents came to help and get along with each other every day. Once the problem came, it became complicated and tangled, because this is not only a problem of raising a child but also decades of life histories, and incompatible issues of emotional processing. Marriage is also the mental manifestation of the first half of life. Whether you will get married, who you will fall in love with, and what kind of person you will marry are all hidden in the code of history: your family of origin, your attitude towards intimacy, your level of security, your level of self-awareness…Marriage is a deep fate between two people, and it may be the unresolved entanglement in the previous life that leads to this step. However, whether a marriage is a good fate or a disaster, at the beginning, who can say for sure? There are also many people who have dreams and are suddenly awakened. I believe that fate in the dark is the brewing of cause and effect beyond this life, and it is an unexplainable accident. One might ask, what if the marriage is not discovered 176

until after the child is born? What can be done? Everyone Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste makes different options within the scope of their ability to to turn around. It is one to make mistakes, one is to make a comeback, one is to mistake others and one is to be wrong, and one is to rejoice in each life, and children can only see different aspects of life in them. Children and parents are another inextricable bond. Giving birth to a child is also the beginning of an- other ‘new life’ for a woman. She has to face the respon- sibilities of a life, the shortcomings and compromises of marriage, the pain and awakening of such a ‘new life’ is not easy for any woman, but most women can still get through it, and the biggest motivation is for children instinct tender- ness and love, they relieve and transfer women’s unwilling- ness and stubbornness towards imperfect life, and make women more clearly aware of what is most important. Love is what empowers people. As long as she loves her chil- dren, she has the strength and resilience to face any reality. That’s why people say ‘mothers are stronger’. Women who become mothers have a much greater energy burst than many men. It is this mother’s love that makes them both soft and strong. 177

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories What made me decide to have a baby? Any decision will take a little risk. The point is to be willing to do it, even if you know the cost. That’s what choice means. That is to say, knowing the price of it and still choosing it is the same as choosing to have children after knowing the price of child- birth, which is the practice of free choice. The choice is not only that you know the benefits of your option, but also that you can bear its losses and limitations at the same time. This is a free and responsible choice. Many people have said how meaningful it is to live, the important thing is the process, and the important thing is what can be changed in this world. I would think that the earth is just a drop in the ocean of the universe, what is the use of change, and human beings will perish sooner or later. Some people find the meaning of the process, but I don’t; some people find it meaningful to make a difference in the world, but I don’t, so the process is different. There is no one-size-fits-all answer to meaning, you are still searching. Only the meanings that you recognize are mean- ingful. Sooner or later humanity will perish - I agree, but that doesn’t stop us from having a sincere chat here, if we weren’t alive, this afternoon wouldn’t have happened, and we wouldn’t have felt it. Some moments of my life are 178

unforgettable: I saw a cloud in the sky, I read a good novel, Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste I wrote a little poem, I ate ice cream and crayfish, I cried over a song, I was excited about the opposite sex. At each of these moments, I experience and reminisce in particular, and I think: If I didn’t exist, all this would not be felt. Think- ing about it this way, it is still very dangerous, and it is a mir- acle to be alive. Everyone’s troubles, seemingly lonely, are universal after all. Too many people in history have thought about similar problems. Go find friends in history and see how they solved your troubles. Maybe ten years have passed by the time you read it. Life is worth living when we have a goal in our heart. The above is the experience I shared. As mentioned above, each child is different, but it is also a memory. This is why I miss pork liver so much. Especially reminded me of the hardships of pregnancy. It’s a very special existence for me. Significance. I believe that every mother will have her own story, and this is my story. Thanks for reading. Contributor: Lee Mee Er 179

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories “As long as I am with my family, every day is my birthday” When I think back to the food when I was a child, the first thing that comes to my mind is Penang Lum Mee. As a child, I would go to a hawker centre near my home for breakfast with my parents on Sundays. Lum Mee will always be my first choice for breakfast when I go out. I wasn’t a vegetarian at the time, so I loved the noodle soup. The noodle soup is boiled from shrimp shells and is very sweet. The noodle soup is served with boiled yellow rice noodles, bean sprouts, shrimps and thinly sliced f​​ried eggs, and you can enjoy it. I don’t usually eat spicy food, but when it comes to lum mee, I like to add a little sambal on it. Sambal and lum mee really make a great pair! Every Lum Mee is a simple- looking dish, and the price is not that expensive, but there is a lot of preparation. The hawker auntie makes sure that the soup is hot and the egg is thinly sliced ​b​ efore every meal. When I eat it, my stomach and heart feel warm. It seems hard to find such kind of hawker food. When I grew up, I learned that another name for the 180

When I grew up, I learned that another name for the Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste original lum mee is birthday noodles. Indeed, being able to go out for breakfast as a child, and eat it with my parents, is like celebrating a “birthday”. At that time, a bowl of glaze noodles gave me priceless memories with my parents. Contributor: Wong May Foong 181

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories “If I want to tel you, I can only write it here.” I was taken care of by my nanny until I was 12 years old. Since I was a child, I saw her every day and spent almost half a day with her, so I have always regarded her as a second mother. After the age of 12, my mother felt that it was time for me to start taking care of myself, and I didn’t have the opportunity to see my nanny as often. When I was 14, my nurse had cancer, and it was terminal when it was discovered. At that time, I didn’t fully have the feeling of losing someone who was always by my side and who was very important to me. So before my nanny died, in the last few weeks, I didn’t take the initiative to go to the hospital to see her. When my mother asked me to go, I chose to play games instead of seeing her. At that time, I also thought that she was not so easy to die. At the time, I didn’t even know how to cherish the connections and emotions between people, let alone important people. My nanny is from a single-parent family with a daughter by her side, but I have already regarded her as a 182

On the day my nanny passed away, I slowly realized Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste how I felt after the important person in my heart passed away. Suddenly there was something I wanted to say to her, but I didn’t have the chance to say it. When I suddenly want to see her, my heart tightens and hurts. Because I know that I will never see her again. During the first 100 days* of Nanny, we needed to go to worship her, so I followed “sister”. Before going to pay homage to my nanny, she went to one of my favourite cof- fee shops near my house and ordered a very good Clay Pot Silver Needle Noodles, which was the only thing I would eat at that coffee shop. I asked “Sister”: “Why did you come here to buy it? It’s not very far? Does the nurse have no favourite food near her home?” “Sister,” said: “Every time she comes to your side, she goes to you Before I visit you at home, I always come here for breakfast, and I only eat this one. If I buy other food for her, she won’t like it, don’t you know? It seems that it was the first time you brought us here. Yes.” After I heard “sister’s” answer, I felt empty for a while and wanted to say sorry to the nurse. I was very stupid at the time. I didn’t go to accompany you when you were 183

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories leaving. I thought that when I grew up, I would have no chance to make money back for you. I don’t know what I could say to her, or how I can say it to her. When my nurse was alive, I didn’t take good care of, care for, and under- stand someone who raised me and loved me. Honestly, this is something I will regret for the rest of my life. Now every time I think of her, the only thing I can do is silently ask for a clay pot silver needle noodles to eat. Because that’s the rest of my “direct connection” with her. She loves this dish too, and I... miss her so much. Contributor: Boon Jing Jack 100 Days* ： A custom.100 days after the death of a person, immediate family members should do “hundred days” for the deceased to commemorate the deceased. Immediate family members should prepare coins, offerings, paper candles, incense, etc. In some places, bouquets are also prepared (the time is uncertain, some places are in the morning, some in the afternoon). When the funeral is over, one should kowtow or bow to the deceased. 184

“The 'Limited Edition' Cake in my memories” Chapter 2 : That Irreplacable Home Taste I don’t know whether I was in kindergarten or elementary school that year. I only remember that third sister, who was three years older than me, showed her good side as usual and brought a group of good friends home. They came to our house to try making cakes together. I vaguely remember that one of them was pretty good at making these desserts. One day after that, the eldest sister wanted to challenge herself to make a cake by herself. I thought it was a pity that I didn’t get to eat the famous cake they made by themselves last time, but this time it was made by my eldest sister. In fact, I didn’t have high expectations for it. I had already predicted that the cake would be burnt and inedible. My eldest sister always shows an omnipotent image outside and does everything well, but she rarely cooks anything at home, not to mention my mother can’t make cakes at that time. I don’t know if it’s because elites learn everything quickly, or she created her own recipes, and she relies on the antiques at home—an oven that is usually used to store kitchen supplies (much like an abandoned 185

Sek Fan Lo! : Taste of Memories oven, which was brought by my eldest sister when I was born. It was never been used until the day I used it) and a pan (to hold the cake mix), made the most favourite cake of my life. But this is the only time, and the last time I eat a cake with this flavour because the genius herself didn’t know how to make it at that time. In fact, our whole family is very afraid of my eldest sister, probably because she looks mighty. No one dares to eat the freshly baked cake. At that time, I might be kind, or bold, or maybe because I was born a foodie, I became the first person to eat it. After a few bites, I even thought I could eat the whole cake, but for various reasons, I only ate...two- thirds of a slice. For me, this cake has all kinds of meanings, family heritage (because it’s my grandpa’s oven), the taste of home, and all kinds of memories of trying something new for the first time. Contributor: Lim YIgene 186