["on\t the\t comparatively\t trivial\t routines\t of\t the\t work\t or\t school\t day;\t for the\t clinically\t depressed,\t thoughts\t of\t self-pity\t and\t despair, hopelessness\tand\thelplessness,\toverride\tall\tothers. When\t emotions\t overwhelm\t concentration,\t what\t is\t being\t swamped is\tthe\tmental\tcapacity\tcognitive\tscientists\tcall\t\u201cworking\tmemory,\u201d\tthe ability\t to\t hold\t in\t mind\t all\t information\t relevant\t to\t the\t task\t at\t hand. What\toccupies\tworking\tmemory\tcan\tbe\tas\tmundane\tas\tthe\tdigits\tthat compose\t a\t telephone\t number\t or\t as\t complicated\t as\t the\t intricate\t plot lines\t a\t novelist\t is\t trying\t to\t weave\t together.\t Working\t memory\t is\t an executive\t function\t par\t excellence\t in\t mental\t life,\t making\t possible\t all other\t intellectual\t efforts,\t from\t speaking\t a\t sentence\t to\t tackling\t a knotty\t logical\t proposition.2\t The\t prefrontal\t cortex\t executes\t working memory\u2014and,\t remember,\t is\t where\t feelings\t and\t emotions\t meet.3 When\tthe\tlimbic\tcircuitry\tthat\tconverges\ton\tthe\tprefrontal\tcortex\tis\tin the\t thrall\t of\t emotional\t distress,\t one\t cost\t is\t in\t the\t effectiveness\t of working\t memory:\t we\t can\u2019t\t think\t straight,\t as\t I\t discovered\t during\t that dread\tcalculus\texam. On\t the\t other\t hand,\t consider\t the\t role\t of\t positive\t motivation\u2014the marshaling\t of\t feelings\t like\t enthusiasm\t and\t confidence\t to\t enhance achievement.\t Studies\t of\t Olympic\t athletes,\t world-class\t musicians,\t and chess\tgrand\tmasters\tfind\ttheir\tunifying\ttrait\tis\tthe\tability\tto\tmotivate themselves\t to\t pursue\t relentless\t training\t routines.4\t And,\t with\t a\t steady rise\tin\tthe\tdegree\tof\texcellence\trequired\tto\tbe\ta\tworld-class\tperformer, these\t rigorous\t training\t routines\t now\t increasingly\t must\t begin\t in childhood.\t At\t the\t 1992\t Olympics,\t twelve-year-old\t members\t of\t the Chinese\t diving\t team\t had\t put\t in\t as\t many\t total\t lifetime\t practice\t dives as\t had\t members\t of\t the\t American\t team\t in\t their\t early\t twenties\u2014the Chinese\tdivers\tstarted\ttheir\trigorous\ttraining\tat\tage\tfour.\tLikewise,\tthe best\t violin\t virtuosos\t of\t the\t twentieth\t century\t began\t studying\t their instrument\t at\t around\t age\t five;\t international\t chess\t champions\t started on\tthe\tgame\tat\tan\taverage\tage\tof\tseven,\twhile\tthose\twho\trose\tonly\tto national\t prominence\t started\t at\t ten.\t Starting\t earlier\t offers\t a\t lifetime edge:\t the\t top\t violin\t students\t at\t the\t best\t music\t academy\t in\t Berlin,\t all in\t their\t early\t twenties,\t had\t put\t in\t ten\t thousand\t total\t hours\u2019\t lifetime practice,\t while\t the\t second-tier\t students\t averaged\t around\t seventy-five hundred\thours. What\t seems\t to\t set\t apart\t those\t at\t the\t very\t top\t of\t competitive pursuits\t from\t others\t of\t roughly\t equal\t ability\t is\t the\t degree\t to\t which, beginning\t early\t in\t life,\t they\t can\t pursue\t an\t arduous\t practice\t routine for\tyears\tand\tyears.\tAnd\tthat\tdoggedness\tdepends\ton\temotional\ttraits","\u2014enthusiasm\tand\tpersistence\tin\tthe\tface\tof\tsetbacks\u2014above\tall\telse. The\tadded\tpayoff\tfor\tlife\tsuccess\tfrom\tmotivation,\tapart\tfrom\tother innate\t abilities,\t can\t be\t seen\t in\t the\t remarkable\t performance\t of\t Asian students\tin\tAmerican\tschools\tand\tprofessions.\tOne\tthorough\treview\tof the\t evidence\t suggests\t that\t Asian-American\t children\t may\t have\t an average\tIQ\tadvantage\tover\twhites\tof\tjust\ttwo\tor\tthree\tpoints.5\tYet\ton the\t basis\t of\t the\t professions,\t such\t as\t law\t and\t medicine,\t that\t many Asian-Americans\tend\tup\tin,\tas\ta\tgroup\tthey\tbehave\tas\tthough\ttheir\tIQ were\t much\t higher\u2014the\t equivalent\t of\t an\t IQ\t of\t 110\t for\t Japanese- Americans\tand\tof\t120\tfor\tChinese-Americans.6\tThe\treason\tseems\tto\tbe that\tfrom\tthe\tearliest\tyears\tof\tschool,\tAsian\tchildren\twork\tharder\tthan whites.\tSanford\tDorenbusch,\ta\tStanford\tsociologist\twho\tstudied\tmore than\t ten\t thousand\t high-school\t students,\t found\t that\t Asian-Americans spent\t40\tpercent\tmore\ttime\tdoing\thomework\tthan\tdid\tother\tstudents. \u201cWhile\t most\t American\t parents\t are\t willing\t to\t accept\t a\t child\u2019s\t weak areas\t and\t emphasize\t the\t strengths,\t for\t Asians,\t the\t attitude\t is\t that\t if you\u2019re\tnot\tdoing\twell,\tthe\tanswer\tis\tto\tstudy\tlater\tat\tnight,\tand\tif\tyou still\t don\u2019t\t do\t well,\t to\t get\t up\t and\t study\t earlier\t in\t the\t morning.\t They believe\t that\t anyone\t can\t do\t well\t in\t school\t with\t the\t right\t effort.\u201d\t In short,\t a\t strong\t cultural\t work\t ethic\t translates\t into\t higher\t motivation, zeal,\tand\tpersistence\u2014an\temotional\tedge. To\t the\t degree\t that\t our\t emotions\t get\t in\t the\t way\t of\t or\t enhance\t our ability\tto\tthink\tand\tplan,\tto\tpursue\ttraining\tfor\ta\tdistant\tgoal,\tto\tsolve problems\tand\tthe\tlike,\tthey\tdefine\tthe\tlimits\tof\tour\tcapacity\tto\tuse\tour innate\t mental\t abilities,\t and\t so\t determine\t how\t we\t do\t in\t life.\t And\t to the\t degree\t to\t which\t we\t are\t motivated\t by\t feelings\t of\t enthusiasm\t and pleasure\t in\t what\t we\t do\u2014or\t even\t by\t an\t optimal\t degree\t of\t anxiety\u2014 they\t propel\t us\t to\t accomplishment.\t It\t is\t in\t this\t sense\t that\t emotional intelligence\tis\ta\tmaster\taptitude,\ta\tcapacity\tthat\tprofoundly\taffects\tall other\tabilities,\teither\tfacilitating\tor\tinterfering\twith\tthem. IMPULSE\tCONTROL:\tTHE\tMARSHMALLOW\tTEST Just\timagine\tyou\u2019re\tfour\tyears\told,\tand\tsomeone\tmakes\tthe\tfollowing proposal:\tIf\tyou\u2019ll\twait\tuntil\tafter\the\truns\tan\terrand,\tyou\tcan\thave\ttwo marshmallows\tfor\t a\t treat.\t If\t you\t can\u2019t\t wait\t until\t then,\t you\t can\t have only\tone\u2014but\tyou\tcan\thave\tit\tright\tnow.\tIt\tis\ta\tchallenge\tsure\tto\ttry the\t soul\t of\t any\t four-year-old,\t a\t microcosm\t of\t the\t eternal\t battle between\t impulse\t and\t restraint,\t id\t and\t ego,\t desire\t and\t self-control,","gratification\t and\t delay.\t Which\t of\t these\t choices\t a\t child\t makes\t is\t a telling\t test;\t it\t offers\t a\t quick\t reading\t not\t just\t of\t character,\t but\t of\t the trajectory\tthat\tchild\twill\tprobably\ttake\tthrough\tlife. There\t is\t perhaps\t no\t psychological\t skill\t more\t fundamental\t than resisting\t impulse.\t It\t is\t the\t root\t of\t all\t emotional\t self-control,\t since\t all emotions,\tby\ttheir\tvery\tnature,\tlead\tto\tone\tor\tanother\timpulse\tto\tact. The\t root\t meaning\t of\t the\t word\t emotion,\t remember,\t is\t \u201cto\t move.\u201d\t The capacity\t to\t resist\t that\t impulse\t to\t act,\t to\t squelch\t the\t incipient movement,\t most\t likely\t translates\t at\t the\t level\t of\t brain\t function\t into inhibition\t of\t limbic\t signals\t to\t the\t motor\t cortex,\t though\t such\t an interpretation\tmust\tremain\tspeculative\tfor\tnow. At\t any\t rate,\t a\t remarkable\t study\t in\t which\t the\t marshmallow challenge\t was\t posed\t to\t four-year-olds\t shows\t just\t how\t fundamental\t is the\t ability\t to\t restrain\t the\t emotions\t and\t so\t delay\t impulse.\t Begun\t by psychologist\t Walter\t Mischel\t during\t the\t 1960s\t at\t a\t preschool\t on\t the Stanford\tUniversity\tcampus\tand\tinvolving\tmainly\tchildren\tof\tStanford faculty,\t graduate\t students,\t and\t other\t employees,\t the\t study\t tracked down\tthe\tfour-year-olds\tas\tthey\twere\tgraduating\tfrom\thigh\tschool.7 Some\t four-year-olds\t were\t able\t to\t wait\t what\t must\t surely\t have seemed\t an\t endless\t fifteen\t to\t twenty\t minutes\t for\t the\t experimenter\t to return.\tTo\tsustain\tthemselves\tin\ttheir\tstruggle\tthey\tcovered\ttheir\teyes so\t they\t wouldn\u2019t\t have\t to\t stare\t at\t temptation,\t or\t rested\t their\t heads\t in their\tarms,\ttalked\tto\tthemselves,\tsang,\tplayed\tgames\twith\ttheir\thands and\t feet,\t even\t tried\t to\t go\t to\t sleep.\t These\t plucky\t preschoolers\t got\t the two-marshmallow\t reward.\t But\t others,\t more\t impulsive,\t grabbed\t the one\tmarshmallow,\talmost\talways\twithin\tseconds\tof\tthe\texperimenter\u2019s leaving\tthe\troom\ton\this\t\u201cerrand.\u201d The\t diagnostic\t power\t of\t how\t this\t moment\t of\t impulse\t was\t handled became\t clear\t some\t twelve\t to\t fourteen\t years\t later,\t when\t these\t same children\t were\t tracked\t down\t as\t adolescents.\t The\t emotional\t and\t social difference\t between\t the\t grab-the-marshmallow\t preschoolers\t and\t their gratification-delaying\t peers\t was\t dramatic.\t Those\t who\t had\t resisted temptation\tat\tfour\twere\tnow,\tas\tadolescents,\tmore\tsocially\tcompetent: personally\t effective,\t self-assertive,\t and\t better\t able\t to\t cope\t with\t the frustrations\t of\t life.\t They\t were\t less\t likely\t to\t go\t to\t pieces,\t freeze,\t or regress\t under\t stress,\t or\t become\t rattled\t and\t disorganized\t when pressured;\t they\t embraced\t challenges\t and\t pursued\t them\t instead\t of giving\t up\t even\t in\t the\t face\t of\t difficulties;\t they\t were\t self-reliant\t and confident,\t trustworthy\t and\t dependable;\t and\t they\t took\t initiative\t and plunged\tinto\t projects.\t And,\t more\t than\t a\t decade\t later,\t they\t were\t still","able\tto\tdelay\tgratification\tin\tpursuit\tof\ttheir\tgoals. The\tthird\tor\tso\twho\tgrabbed\tfor\tthe\tmarshmallow,\thowever,\ttended to\thave\tfewer\tof\tthese\tqualities,\tand\tshared\tinstead\ta\trelatively\tmore troubled\t psychological\t portrait.\t In\t adolescence\t they\t were\t more\t likely to\t be\t seen\t as\t shying\t away\t from\t social\t contacts;\t to\t be\t stubborn\t and indecisive;\tto\tbe\teasily\tupset\tby\tfrustrations;\tto\tthink\tof\tthemselves\tas \u201cbad\u201d\tor\tunworthy;\tto\tregress\tor\tbecome\timmobilized\tby\tstress;\tto\tbe mistrustful\t and\t resentful\t about\t not\t \u201cgetting\t enough\u201d;\t to\t be\t prone\t to jealousy\t and\t envy;\t to\t overreact\t to\t irritations\t with\t a\t sharp\t temper,\t so provoking\t arguments\t and\t fights.\t And,\t after\t all\t those\t years,\t they\t still were\tunable\tto\tput\toff\tgratification. What\t shows\t up\t in\t a\t small\t way\t early\t in\t life\t blossoms\t into\t a\t wide range\t of\t social\t and\t emotional\t competences\t as\t life\t goes\t on.\t The capacity\t to\t impose\t a\t delay\t on\t impulse\t is\t at\t the\t root\t of\t a\t plethora\t of efforts,\t from\t staying\t on\t a\t diet\t to\t pursuing\t a\t medical\t degree.\t Some children,\teven\tat\tfour,\thad\tmastered\tthe\tbasics:\tthey\twere\table\tto\tread the\t social\t situation\t as\t one\t where\t delay\t was\t beneficial,\t to\t pry\t their attention\t from\t focusing\t on\t the\t temptation\t at\t hand,\t and\t to\t distract themselves\twhile\tmaintaining\tthe\tnecessary\tperseverance\ttoward\ttheir goal\u2014the\ttwo\tmarshmallows. Even\t more\t surprising,\t when\t the\t tested\t children\t were\t evaluated again\t as\t they\t were\t finishing\t high\t school,\t those\t who\t had\t waited patiently\t at\t four\t were\t far\t superior\t as\t students\t to\t those\t who\t had\t acted on\t whim.\t According\t to\t their\t parents\u2019\t evaluations,\t they\t were\t more academically\t competent:\t better\t able\t to\t put\t their\t ideas\t into\t words,\t to use\t and\t respond\t to\t reason,\t to\t concentrate,\t to\t make\t plans\t and\t follow through\t on\t them,\t and\t more\t eager\t to\t learn.\t Most\t astonishingly,\t they had\t dramatically\t higher\t scores\t on\t their\t SAT\t tests.\t The\t third\t of children\t who\t at\t four\t grabbed\t for\t the\t marshmallow\t most\t eagerly\t had an\t average\t verbal\t score\t of\t 524\t and\t quantitative\t (or\t \u201cmath\u201d)\t score\t of 528;\tthe\tthird\twho\twaited\tlongest\thad\taverage\tscores\tof\t610\tand\t652, respectively\u2014a\t210-point\tdifference\tin\ttotal\tscore.8 At\tage\tfour,\thow\tchildren\tdo\ton\tthis\ttest\tof\tdelay\tof\tgratification\tis twice\tas\tpowerful\ta\tpredictor\tof\twhat\ttheir\tSAT\tscores\twill\tbe\tas\tis\tIQ at\t age\t four;\t IQ\t becomes\t a\t stronger\t predictor\t of\t SAT\t only\t after children\t learn\t to\t read.9\t This\t suggests\t that\t the\t ability\t to\t delay gratification\t contributes\t powerfully\t to\t intellectual\t potential\t quite apart\t from\t IQ\t itself.\t (Poor\t impulse\t control\t in\t childhood\t is\t also\t a powerful\tpredictor\tof\tlater\tdelinquency,\tagain\tmore\tso\tthan\tIQ.10)\t As we\tshall\tsee\tin\tPart\tFive,\twhile\tsome\targue\tthat\tIQ\tcannot\tbe\tchanged","and\tso\trepresents\tan\tunbendable\tlimitation\ton\ta\tchild\u2019s\tlife\tpotential, there\t is\t ample\t evidence\t that\t emotional\t skills\t such\t as\t impulse\t control and\taccurately\treading\ta\tsocial\tsituation\tcan\tbe\tlearned. What\t Walter\t Mischel,\t who\t did\t the\t study,\t describes\t with\t the\t rather infelicitous\t phrase\t \u201cgoal-directed\t self-imposed\t delay\t of\t gratification\u201d is\tperhaps\tthe\tessence\tof\temotional\tself-regulation:\tthe\tability\tto\tdeny impulse\t in\t the\t service\t of\t a\t goal,\t whether\t it\t be\t building\t a\t business, solving\t an\t algebraic\t equation,\t or\t pursuing\t the\t Stanley\t Cup.\t His finding\t underscores\t the\t role\t of\t emotional\t intelligence\t as\t a\t meta- ability,\t determining\t how\t well\t or\t how\t poorly\t people\t are\t able\t to\t use their\tother\tmental\tcapacities. FOUL\tMOODS,\tFOULED\tTHINKING I\t worry\t about\t my\t son.\t He\t just\t started\t playing\t on\t the\t varsity\t football\t team,\t so\t he\u2019s bound\t to\t get\t an\t injury\t sometime.\t It\u2019s\t so\t nerve-wracking\t to\t watch\t him\t play\t that\t I\u2019ve stopped\t going\t to\t his\t games.\t I\u2019m\t sure\t my\t son\t must\t be\t disappointed\t that\t I\u2019m\t not watching\thim\tplay,\tbut\tit\u2019s\tsimply\ttoo\tmuch\tfor\tme\tto\ttake. The\t speaker\t is\t in\t therapy\t for\t anxiety;\t she\t realizes\t that\t her\t worry\t is interfering\twith\tleading\tthe\tkind\tof\tlife\tshe\twould\tlike.11\tBut\twhen\tit comes\t time\t to\t make\t a\t simple\t decision,\t such\t as\t whether\t to\t watch\t her son\tplay\tfootball,\ther\tmind\tfloods\twith\tthoughts\tof\tdisaster.\tShe\tis\tnot free\tto\tchoose;\ther\tworries\toverwhelm\ther\treason. As\t we\t have\t seen,\t worry\t is\t the\t nub\t of\t anxiety\u2019s\t damaging\t effect\t on mental\t performance\t of\t all\t kind.\t Worry,\t of\t course,\t is\t in\t one\t sense\t a useful\tresponse\tgone\tawry\u2014an\toverly\tzealous\tmental\tpreparation\tfor an\t anticipated\t threat.\t But\t such\t mental\t rehearsal\t is\t disastrous cognitive\t static\t when\t it\t becomes\t trapped\t in\t a\t stale\t routine\t that captures\tattention,\tintruding\ton\tall\tother\tattempts\tto\tfocus\telsewhere. Anxiety\t undermines\t the\t intellect.\t In\t a\t complex,\t intellectually demanding,\t and\t high-pressure\t task\t such\t as\t that\t of\t air\t traffic controllers,\tfor\texample,\thaving\tchronically\thigh\tanxiety\tis\tan\talmost sure\t predictor\t that\t a\t person\t will\t eventually\t fail\t in\t training\t or\t in\t the field.\tThe\tanxious\tare\tmore\tlikely\tto\tfail\teven\tgiven\tsuperior\tscores\ton intelligence\ttests,\tas\ta\tstudy\tof\t1,790\tstudents\tin\ttraining\tfor\tair\ttraffic control\t posts\t discovered.12\t Anxiety\t also\t sabotages\t academic performance\t of\t all\t kinds:\t 126\t different\t studies\t of\t more\t than\t 36,000 people\t found\t that\t the\t more\t prone\t to\t worries\t a\t person\t is,\t the\t poorer","their\t academic\t performance,\t no\t matter\t how\t measured\u2014grades\t on tests,\tgrade-point\taverage,\tor\tachievement\ttests.13 When\t people\t who\t are\t prone\t to\t worry\t are\t asked\t to\t perform\t a cognitive\t task\t such\t as\t sorting\t ambiguous\t objects\t into\t one\t of\t two categories,\t and\t narrate\t what\t is\t going\t through\t their\t mind\t as\t they\t do so,\t it\t is\t the\t negative\t thoughts\u2014\u201cI\t won\u2019t\t be\t able\t to\t do\t this,\u201d\t \u201cI\u2019m\t just no\t good\t at\t this\t kind\t of\t test,\u201d\t and\t the\t like\u2014that\t are\t found\t to\t most directly\t disrupt\t their\t decision-making.\t Indeed,\t when\t a\t comparison group\t of\t nonworriers\t was\t asked\t to\t worry\t on\t purpose\t for\t fifteen minutes,\t their\t ability\t to\t do\t the\t same\t task\t deteriorated\t sharply.\t And when\t the\t worriers\t were\t given\t a\t fifteen-minute\t relaxation\t session\u2014 which\t reduced\t their\t level\t of\t worrying\u2014before\t trying\t the\t task,\t they had\tno\tproblem\twith\tit.14 Test\tanxiety\twas\tfirst\tstudied\tscientifically\tin\tthe\t1960s\tby\tRichard Alpert,\twho\tconfessed\tto\tme\tthat\this\tinterest\twas\tpiqued\tbecause\tas\ta student\t his\t nerves\t often\t made\t him\t do\t poorly\t on\t tests,\t while\t his colleague,\t Ralph\t Haber,\t found\t that\t the\t pressure\t before\t an\t exam actually\t helped\t him\t to\t do\t better.15\t Their\t research,\t among\t other studies,\t showed\t that\t there\t are\t two\t kinds\t of\t anxious\t students:\t those whose\tanxiety\tundoes\ttheir\tacademic\tperformance,\tand\tthose\twho\tare able\t to\t do\t well\t despite\t the\t stress\u2014or,\t perhaps,\t because\t of\t it.16\t The irony\tof\ttest\tanxiety\tis\tthat\tthe\tvery\tapprehension\tabout\tdoing\twell\ton the\t test\t that,\t ideally,\t can\t motivate\t students\t like\t Haber\t to\t study\t hard in\t preparation\t and\t so\t do\t well\t can\t sabotage\t success\t in\t others.\t For people\t who\t are\t too\t anxious,\t like\t Alpert,\t the\t pretest\t apprehension interferes\t with\t the\t clear\t thinking\t and\t memory\t necessary\t to\t study effectively,\t while\t during\t the\t test\t it\t disrupts\t the\t mental\t clarity essential\tfor\tdoing\twell. The\t number\t of\t worries\t that\t people\t report\t while\t taking\t a\t test directly\tpredicts\thow\tpoorly\tthey\twill\tdo\ton\tit.17\tThe\tmental\tresources expended\t on\t one\t cognitive\t task\u2014the\t worrying\u2014simply\t detract\t from the\t resources\t available\t for\t processing\t other\t information;\t if\t we\t are preoccupied\tby\tworries\tthat\twe\u2019re\tgoing\tto\tflunk\tthe\ttest\twe\u2019re\ttaking, we\t have\t that\t much\t less\t attention\t to\t expend\t on\t figuring\t out\t the answers.\t Our\t worries\t become\t self-fulfilling\t prophecies,\t propelling\t us toward\tthe\tvery\tdisaster\tthey\tpredict. People\t who\t are\t adept\t at\t harnessing\t their\t emotions,\t on\t the\t other hand,\t can\t use\t anticipatory\t anxiety\u2014about\t an\t upcoming\t speech\t or test,\tsay\u2014to\tmotivate\tthemselves\tto\tprepare\twell\tfor\tit,\tthereby\tdoing well.\t The\t classical\t literature\t in\t psychology\t describes\t the\t relationship","between\t anxiety\t and\t performance,\t including\t mental\t performance,\t in terms\t of\t an\t upside-down\t U.\t At\t the\t peak\t of\t the\t inverted\t U\t is\t the optimal\t relationship\t between\t anxiety\t and\t performance,\t with\t a modicum\tof\tnerves\tpropelling\toutstanding\tachievement.\tBut\ttoo\tlittle anxiety\u2014the\t first\t side\t of\t the\t U\u2014brings\t about\t apathy\t or\t too\t little motivation\t to\t try\t hard\t enough\t to\t do\t well,\t while\t too\t much\t anxiety\u2014 the\tother\tside\tof\tthe\tU\u2014sabotages\tany\tattempt\tto\tdo\twell. A\tmildly\telated\tstate\u2014hypomania,\tas\tit\tis\ttechnically\tcalled\u2014seems optimal\tfor\twriters\tand\tothers\tin\tcreative\tcallings\tthat\tdemand\tfluidity and\timaginative\tdiversity\tof\tthought;\tit\tis\tsomewhere\ttoward\tthe\tpeak of\tthat\tinverted\tU.\tBut\tlet\tthat\teuphoria\tget\tout\tof\tcontrol\tto\tbecome outright\t mania,\t as\t in\t the\t mood\t swings\t of\t manic-depressives,\t and\t the agitation\t undermines\t the\t ability\t to\t think\t cohesively\t enough\t to\t write well,\t even\t though\t ideas\t flow\t freely\u2014indeed,\t much\t too\t freely\t to pursue\tany\tone\tof\tthem\tfar\tenough\tto\tproduce\ta\tfinished\tproduct. Good\t moods,\t while\t they\t last,\t enhance\t the\t ability\t to\t think\t flexibly and\t with\t more\t complexity,\t thus\t making\t it\t easier\t to\t find\t solutions\t to problems,\twhether\tintellectual\tor\tinterpersonal.\tThis\tsuggests\tthat\tone way\t to\t help\t someone\t think\t through\t a\t problem\t is\t to\t tell\t them\t a\t joke. Laughing,\t like\t elation,\t seems\t to\t help\t people\t think\t more\t broadly\t and associate\t more\t freely,\t noticing\t relationships\t that\t might\t have\t eluded them\totherwise\u2014a\tmental\tskill\timportant\tnot\tjust\tin\tcreativity,\tbut\tin recognizing\tcomplex\trelationships\tand\tforeseeing\tthe\tconsequences\tof a\tgiven\tdecision. The\t intellectual\t benefits\t of\t a\t good\t laugh\t are\t most\t striking\t when\t it comes\t to\t solving\t a\t problem\t that\t demands\t a\t creative\t solution.\t One study\t found\t that\t people\t who\t had\t just\t watched\t a\t video\t of\t television bloopers\twere\tbetter\tat\tsolving\ta\tpuzzle\tlong\tused\tby\tpsychologists\tto test\tcreative\tthinking.18\tIn\tthe\ttest\tpeople\tare\tgiven\ta\tcandle,\tmatches, and\ta\tbox\tof\ttacks\tand\tasked\tto\tattach\tthe\tcandle\tto\ta\tcorkboard\twall so\t it\t will\t burn\t without\t dripping\t wax\t on\t the\t floor.\t Most\t people\t given this\tproblem\tfall\tinto\t\u201cfunctional\tfixedness,\u201d\tthinking\tabout\tusing\tthe objects\t in\t the\t most\t conventional\t ways.\t But\t those\t who\t had\t just watched\t the\t funny\t film,\t compared\t to\t others\t who\t had\t watched\t a\t film on\tmath\tor\twho\texercised,\twere\tmore\tlikely\tto\tsee\tan\talternative\tuse for\t the\t box\t holding\t the\t tacks,\t and\t so\t come\t up\t with\t the\t creative solution:\ttack\tthe\tbox\tto\tthe\twall\tand\tuse\tit\tas\ta\tcandleholder. Even\t mild\t mood\t changes\t can\t sway\t thinking.\t In\t making\t plans\t or decisions\t people\t in\t good\t moods\t have\t a\t perceptual\t bias\t that\t leads them\t to\t be\t more\t expansive\t and\t positive\t in\t their\t thinking.\t This\t is","partly\tbecause\tmemory\tis\tstate-specific,\tso\tthat\twhile\tin\ta\tgood\tmood we\t remember\t more\t positive\t events;\t as\t we\t think\t over\t the\t pros\t and cons\t of\t a\t course\t of\t action\t while\t feeling\t pleasant,\t memory\t biases\t our weighing\tof\tevidence\tin\ta\tpositive\tdirection,\tmaking\tus\tmore\tlikely\tto do\tsomething\tslightly\tadventurous\tor\trisky,\tfor\texample. By\t the\t same\t token,\t being\t in\t a\t foul\t mood\t biases\t memory\t in\t a negative\t direction,\t making\t us\t more\t likely\t to\t contract\t into\t a\t fearful, overly\tcautious\tdecision.\tEmotions\tout\tof\tcontrol\timpede\tthe\tintellect. But,\t as\t we\t saw\t in\t Chapter\t 5,\t we\t can\t bring\t out-of-control\t emotions back\t into\t line;\t this\t emotional\t competence\t is\t the\t master\t aptitude, facilitating\t all\t other\t kinds\t of\t intelligence.\t Consider\t some\t cases\t in point:\tthe\tbenefits\tof\thope\tand\toptimism,\tand\tthose\tsoaring\tmoments when\tpeople\toutdo\tthemselves. PANDORA\u2019S\tBOX\tAND\tPOLLYANNA:\tTHE\tPOWER OF\tPOSITIVE\tTHINKING College\tstudents\twere\tposed\tthe\tfollowing\thypothetical\tsituation: Although\t you\t set\t your\t goal\t of\t getting\t a\t B,\t when\t your\t first\t exam\t score,\t worth\t 30%\t of your\tfinal\tgrade\tis\treturned,\tyou\thave\treceived\ta\tD.\tIt\tis\tnow\tone\tweek\tafter\tyou\thave learned\tabout\tthe\tD\tgrade.\tWhat\tdo\tyou\tdo?19 Hope\t made\t all\t the\t difference.\t The\t response\t by\t students\t with\t high levels\tof\thope\twas\tto\twork\tharder\tand\tthink\tof\ta\trange\tof\tthings\tthey might\ttry\tthat\tcould\tbolster\ttheir\tfinal\tgrade.\tStudents\twith\tmoderate levels\tof\thope\tthought\tof\tseveral\tways\tthey\tmight\tup\ttheir\tgrade,\tbut had\t far\t less\t determination\t to\t pursue\t them.\t And,\t understandably, students\twith\tlow\tlevels\tof\thope\tgave\tup\ton\tboth\tcounts,\tdemoralized. The\t question\t is\t not\t just\t theoretical,\t however.\t When\t C.\t R.\t Snyder, the\t University\t of\t Kansas\t psychologist\t who\t did\t this\t study,\t compared the\t actual\t academic\t achievement\t of\t freshman\t students\t high\t and\t low on\thope,\the\tdiscovered\tthat\thope\twas\ta\tbetter\tpredictor\tof\ttheir\tfirst- semester\t grades\t than\t were\t their\t scores\t on\t the\t SAT,\t a\t test\t supposedly able\tto\tpredict\thow\tstudents\twill\tfare\tin\tcollege\t(and\thighly\tcorrelated with\tIQ).\tAgain,\tgiven\troughly\tthe\tsame\trange\tof\tintellectual\tabilities, emotional\taptitudes\tmake\tthe\tcritical\tdifference. Snyder\u2019s\t explanation:\t \u201cStudents\t with\t high\t hope\t set\t themselves higher\t goals\t and\t know\t how\t to\t work\t hard\t to\t attain\t them.\t When\t you","compare\tstudents\tof\tequivalent\tintellectual\taptitude\ton\ttheir\tacademic achievements,\twhat\tsets\tthem\tapart\tis\thope.\u201d20 As\tthe\tfamiliar\tlegend\thas\tit,\tPandora,\ta\tprincess\tof\tancient\tGreece, was\tgiven\ta\tgift,\ta\tmysterious\tbox,\tby\tgods\tjealous\tof\ther\tbeauty.\tShe was\t told\t she\t must\t never\t open\t the\t gift.\t But\t one\t day,\t overcome\t by curiosity\t and\t temptation,\t Pandora\t lifted\t the\t lid\t to\t peek\t in,\t letting loose\t in\t the\t world\t the\t grand\t afflictions\u2014disease,\t malaise,\t madness. But\t a\t compassionate\t god\t let\t her\t close\t the\t box\t just\t in\t time\t to\t capture the\tone\tantidote\tthat\tmakes\tlife\u2019s\tmisery\tbearable:\thope. Hope,\tmodern\tresearchers\tare\tfinding,\tdoes\tmore\tthan\toffer\ta\tbit\tof solace\t amid\t affliction;\t it\t plays\t a\t surprisingly\t potent\t role\t in\t life, offering\tan\tadvantage\tin\trealms\tas\tdiverse\tas\tschool\tachievement\tand bearing\t up\t in\t onerous\t jobs.\t Hope,\t in\t a\t technical\t sense,\t is\t more\t than the\tsunny\tview\tthat\teverything\twill\tturn\tout\tall\tright.\tSnyder\tdefines it\t with\t more\t specificity\t as\t \u201cbelieving\t you\t have\t both\t the\t will\t and\t the way\tto\taccomplish\tyour\tgoals,\twhatever\tthey\tmay\tbe.\u201d People\ttend\tto\tdiffer\tin\tthe\tgeneral\tdegree\tto\twhich\tthey\thave\thope in\tthis\tsense.\tSome\ttypically\tthink\tof\tthemselves\tas\table\tto\tget\tout\tof\ta jam\t or\t find\t ways\t to\t solve\t problems,\t while\t others\t simply\t do\t not\t see themselves\tas\thaving\tthe\tenergy,\tability,\tor\tmeans\tto\taccomplish\ttheir goals.\t People\t with\t high\t levels\t of\t hope,\t Snyder\t finds,\t share\t certain traits,\t among\t them\t being\t able\t to\t motivate\t themselves,\t feeling resourceful\t enough\t to\t find\t ways\t to\t accomplish\t their\t objectives, reassuring\tthemselves\twhen\tin\ta\ttight\tspot\tthat\tthings\twill\tget\tbetter, being\tflexible\tenough\tto\tfind\tdifferent\tways\tto\tget\tto\ttheir\tgoals\tor\tto switch\tgoals\tif\tone\tbecomes\timpossible,\tand\thaving\tthe\tsense\tto\tbreak down\ta\tformidable\ttask\tinto\tsmaller,\tmanageable\tpieces. From\tthe\tperspective\tof\temotional\tintelligence,\thaving\thope\tmeans that\tone\twill\tnot\tgive\tin\tto\toverwhelming\tanxiety,\ta\tdefeatist\tattitude, or\t depression\t in\t the\t face\t of\t difficult\t challenges\t or\t setbacks.\t Indeed, people\t who\t are\t hopeful\t evidence\t less\t depression\t than\t others\t as\t they maneuver\t through\t life\t in\t pursuit\t of\t their\t goals,\t are\t less\t anxious\t in general,\tand\thave\tfewer\temotional\tdistresses. OPTIMISM:\tTHE\tGREAT\tMOTIVATOR Americans\t who\t follow\t swimming\t had\t high\t hopes\t for\t Matt\t Biondi,\t a member\t of\t the\t U.S.\t Olympic\t Team\t in\t 1988.\t Some\t sportswriters\t were touting\t Biondi\t as\t likely\t to\t match\t Mark\t Spitz\u2019s\t 1972\t feat\t of\t taking","seven\t gold\t medals.\t But\t Biondi\t finished\t a\t heartbreaking\t third\t in\t his first\t event,\t the\t 200-meter\t freestyle.\t In\t his\t next\t event,\t the\t 100-meter butterfly,\t Biondi\t was\t inched\t out\t for\t the\t gold\t by\t another\t swimmer who\tmade\ta\tgreater\teffort\tin\tthe\tlast\tmeter. Sportscasters\tspeculated\tthat\tthe\tdefeats\twould\tdispirit\tBiondi\tin\this successive\t events.\t But\t Biondi\t rebounded\t from\t defeat\t and\t took\t a\t gold medal\tin\this\t next\t five\t events.\t One\t viewer\t who\t was\t not\t surprised\t by Biondi\u2019s\t comeback\t was\t Martin\t Seligman,\t a\t psychologist\t at\t the University\t of\t Pennsylvania,\t who\t had\t tested\t Biondi\t for\t optimism earlier\tthat\tyear.\tIn\tan\texperiment\tdone\twith\tSeligman,\tthe\tswimming coach\t told\t Biondi\t during\t a\t special\t event\t meant\t to\t showcase\t Biondi\u2019s best\tperformance\tthat\the\thad\ta\tworse\ttime\tthan\twas\tactually\tthe\tcase. Despite\tthe\tdownbeat\tfeedback,\twhen\tBiondi\twas\tasked\tto\trest\tand\ttry again,\this\tperformance\u2014actually\talready\tvery\tgood\u2014was\teven\tbetter. But\twhen\tother\tteam\tmembers\twho\twere\tgiven\ta\tfalse\tbad\ttime\u2014and whose\ttest\tscores\tshowed\tthey\twere\tpessimistic\u2014tried\tagain,\tthey\tdid even\tworse\tthe\tsecond\ttime.21 Optimism,\t like\t hope,\t means\t having\t a\t strong\t expectation\t that,\t in general,\t things\t will\t turn\t out\t all\t right\t in\t life,\t despite\t setbacks\t and frustrations.\t From\t the\t standpoint\t of\t emotional\t intelligence,\t optimism is\t an\t attitude\t that\t buffers\t people\t against\t falling\t into\t apathy, hopelessness,\t or\t depression\t in\t the\t face\t of\t tough\t going.\t And,\t as\t with hope,\t its\t near\t cousin,\t optimism\t pays\t dividends\t in\t life\t (providing,\t of course,\t it\t is\t a\t realistic\t optimism;\t a\t too-naive\t optimism\t can\t be disastrous).22 Seligman\t defines\t optimism\t in\t terms\t of\t how\t people\t explain\t to themselves\ttheir\tsuccesses\tand\tfailures.\tPeople\twho\tare\toptimistic\tsee a\t failure\t as\t due\t to\t something\t that\t can\t be\t changed\t so\t that\t they\t can succeed\tnext\ttime\taround,\twhile\tpessimists\ttake\tthe\tblame\tfor\tfailure, ascribing\tit\tto\tsome\tlasting\tcharacteristic\tthey\tare\thelpless\tto\tchange. These\t differing\t explanations\t have\t profound\t implications\t for\t how people\t respond\t to\t life.\t For\t example,\t in\t reaction\t to\t a\t disappointment such\t as\t being\t turned\t down\t for\t a\t job,\t optimists\t tend\t to\t respond actively\t and\t hopefully,\t by\t formulating\t a\t plan\t of\t action,\t say,\t or seeking\t out\t help\t and\t advice;\t they\t see\t the\t setback\t as\t something\t that can\t be\t remedied.\t Pessimists,\t by\t contrast,\t react\t to\t such\t setbacks\t by assuming\t there\t is\t nothing\t they\t can\t do\t to\t make\t things\t go\t better\t the next\ttime,\tand\tso\tdo\tnothing\tabout\tthe\tproblem;\tthey\tsee\tthe\tsetback as\tdue\tto\tsome\tpersonal\tdeficit\tthat\twill\talways\tplague\tthem. As\twith\thope,\toptimism\tpredicts\tacademic\tsuccess.\tIn\ta\tstudy\tof\tfive","hundred\t members\t of\t the\t incoming\t freshman\t class\t of\t 1984\t at\t the University\tof\tPennsylvania,\tthe\tstudents\u2019\tscores\ton\ta\ttest\tof\toptimism were\ta\tbetter\tpredictor\tof\ttheir\tactual\tgrades\tfreshman\tyear\tthan\twere their\t SAT\t scores\t or\t their\t high-school\t grades.\t Said\t Seligman,\t who studied\t them,\t \u201cCollege\t entrance\t exams\t measure\t talent,\t while explanatory\t style\t tells\t you\t who\t gives\t up.\t It\t is\t the\t combination\t of reasonable\t talent\t and\t the\t ability\t to\t keep\t going\t in\t the\t face\t of\t defeat that\t leads\t to\t success.\t What\u2019s\t missing\t in\t tests\t of\t ability\t is\t motivation. What\t you\t need\t to\t know\t about\t someone\t is\t whether\t they\t will\t keep going\t when\t things\t get\t frustrating.\t My\t hunch\t is\t that\t for\t a\t given\t level of\t intelligence,\t your\t actual\t achievement\t is\t a\t function\t not\t just\t of talent,\tbut\talso\tof\tthe\tcapacity\tto\tstand\tdefeat.\u201d23 One\tof\tthe\tmost\ttelling\tdemonstrations\tof\tthe\tpower\tof\toptimism\tto motivate\t people\t is\t a\t study\t Seligman\t did\t of\t insurance\t salesmen\t with the\t MetLife\t company.\t Being\t able\t to\t take\t a\t rejection\t with\t grace\t is essential\tin\tsales\tof\tall\tkinds,\tespecially\twith\ta\tproduct\tlike\tinsurance, where\t the\t ratio\t of\t noes\t to\t yeses\t can\t be\t so\t discouragingly\t high.\t For this\t reason,\t about\t three\t quarters\t of\t insurance\t salesmen\t quit\t in\t their first\t three\t years.\t Seligman\t found\t that\t new\t salesmen\t who\t were\t by nature\t optimists\t sold\t 37\t percent\t more\t insurance\t in\t their\t first\t two years\t on\t the\t job\t than\t did\t pessimists.\t And\t during\t the\t first\t year\t the pessimists\tquit\tat\ttwice\tthe\trate\tof\tthe\toptimists. What\u2019s\tmore,\tSeligman\tpersuaded\tMetLife\tto\thire\ta\tspecial\tgroup\tof applicants\t who\t scored\t high\t on\t a\t test\t for\t optimism\t but\t failed\t the normal\tscreening\ttests\t(which\tcompared\ta\trange\tof\ttheir\tattitudes\tto\ta standard\t profile\t based\t on\t answers\t from\t agents\t who\t have\t been successful).\tThis\tspecial\tgroup\toutsold\tthe\tpessimists\tby\t21\tpercent\tin their\tfirst\tyear,\tand\t57\tpercent\tin\tthe\tsecond. Just\t why\t optimism\t makes\t such\t a\t difference\t in\t sales\t success\t speaks to\tthe\tsense\tin\twhich\tit\tis\tan\temotionally\tintelligent\tattitude.\tEach\tno a\t salesperson\t gets\t is\t a\t small\t defeat.\t The\t emotional\t reaction\t to\t that defeat\t is\t crucial\t to\t the\t ability\t to\t marshal\t enough\t motivation\t to continue.\t As\t the\t noes\t mount\t up,\t morale\t can\t deteriorate,\t making\t it harder\t and\t harder\t to\t pick\t up\t the\t phone\t for\t the\t next\t call.\t Such rejection\tis\tespecially\thard\tto\ttake\tfor\ta\tpessimist,\twho\tinterprets\tit\tas meaning,\t \u201cI\u2019m\t a\t failure\t at\t this;\t I\u2019ll\t never\t make\t a\t sale\u201d\u2014an interpretation\t that\t is\t sure\t to\t trigger\t apathy\t and\t defeatism,\t if\t not depression.\t Optimists,\t on\t the\t other\t hand,\t tell\t themselves,\t \u201cI\u2019m\t using the\t wrong\t approach,\u201d\t or\t \u201cThat\t last\t person\t was\t just\t in\t a\t bad\t mood.\u201d By\tseeing\tnot\tthemselves\tbut\tsomething\tin\tthe\tsituation\tas\tthe\treason","for\t their\t failure,\t they\t can\t change\t their\t approach\t in\t the\t next\t call. While\t the\t pessimist\u2019s\t mental\t set\t leads\t to\t despair,\t the\t optimist\u2019s spawns\thope. One\t source\t of\t a\t positive\t or\t negative\t outlook\t may\t well\t be\t inborn temperament;\t some\t people\t by\t nature\t tend\t one\t way\t or\t the\t other.\t But as\t we\t shall\t also\t see\t in\t Chapter\t 14,\t temperament\t can\t be\t tempered\t by experience.\t Optimism\t and\t hope\u2014like\t helplessness\t and\t despair\u2014can be\t learned.\t Underlying\t both\t is\t an\t outlook\t psychologists\t call\t self- efficacy,\t the\t belief\t that\t one\t has\t mastery\t over\t the\t events\t of\t one\u2019s\t life and\t can\t meet\t challenges\t as\t they\t come\t up.\t Developing\t a\t competency of\t any\t kind\t strengthens\t the\t sense\t of\t self-efficacy,\t making\t a\t person more\t willing\t to\t take\t risks\t and\t seek\t out\t more\t demanding\t challenges. And\t surmounting\t those\t challenges\t in\t turn\t increases\t the\t sense\t of\t self- efficacy.\tThis\tattitude\tmakes\tpeople\tmore\tlikely\tto\tmake\tthe\tbest\tuse of\t whatever\t skills\t they\t may\t have\u2014or\t to\t do\t what\t it\t takes\t to\t develop them. Albert\tBandura,\ta\tStanford\tpsychologist\twho\thas\tdone\tmuch\tof\tthe research\ton\tself-efficacy,\tsums\tit\tup\twell:\t\u201cPeople\u2019s\tbeliefs\tabout\ttheir abilities\thave\ta\tprofound\teffect\ton\tthose\tabilities.\tAbility\tis\tnot\ta\tfixed property;\tthere\tis\ta\thuge\tvariability\tin\thow\tyou\tperform.\tPeople\twho have\ta\tsense\tof\tself-efficacy\tbounce\tback\tfrom\tfailures;\tthey\tapproach things\t in\t terms\t of\t how\t to\t handle\t them\t rather\t than\t worrying\t about what\tcan\tgo\twrong.\u201d24 FLOW:\tTHE\tNEUROBIOLOGY\tOF\tEXCELLENCE A\tcomposer\tdescribes\tthose\tmoments\twhen\this\twork\tis\tat\tits\tbest: You\tyourself\tare\tin\tan\tecstatic\tstate\tto\tsuch\ta\tpoint\tthat\tyou\tfeel\tas\tthough\tyou\talmost don\u2019t\texist.\tI\u2019ve\texperienced\tthis\ttime\tand\tagain.\tMy\thand\tseems\tdevoid\tof\tmyself,\tand I\thave\tnothing\tto\tdo\twith\twhat\tis\thappening.\tI\tjust\tsit\tthere\twatching\tin\ta\tstate\tof\tawe and\twonderment.\tAnd\tit\tjust\tflows\tout\tby\titself.25 His\tdescription\tis\tremarkably\tsimilar\tto\tthose\tof\thundreds\tof\tdiverse men\t and\t women\u2014rock\t climbers,\t chess\t champions,\t surgeons, basketball\tplayers,\tengineers,\tmanagers,\teven\tfiling\tclerks\u2014when\tthey tell\t of\t a\t time\t they\t outdid\t themselves\t in\t some\t favored\t activity.\t The state\t they\t describe\t is\t called\t \u201cflow\u201d\t by\t Mihaly\t Csikszentmihalyi,\t the University\tof\tChicago\tpsychologist\twho\thas\tcollected\tsuch\taccounts\tof","peak\t performance\t during\t two\t decades\t of\t research.26\t Athletes\t know this\tstate\tof\tgrace\tas\t\u201cthe\tzone,\u201d\twhere\texcellence\tbecomes\teffortless, crowd\tand\tcompetitors\tdisappearing\tinto\ta\tblissful,\tsteady\tabsorption in\tthe\tmoment.\tDiane\tRoffe-Steinrotter,\twho\tcaptured\ta\tgold\tmedal\tin skiing\tat\tthe\t1994\tWinter\tOlympics,\tsaid\tafter\tshe\tfinished\ther\tturn\tat ski\t racing\t that\t she\t remembered\t nothing\t about\t it\t but\t being\t immersed in\trelaxation:\t\u201cI\tfelt\tlike\ta\twaterfall.\u201d27 Being\t able\t to\t enter\t flow\t is\t emotional\t intelligence\t at\t its\t best;\t flow represents\t perhaps\t the\t ultimate\t in\t harnessing\t the\t emotions\t in\t the service\tof\tperformance\tand\tlearning.\tIn\tflow\tthe\temotions\tare\tnot\tjust contained\t and\t channeled,\t but\t positive,\t energized,\t and\t aligned\t with the\t task\t at\t hand.\t To\t be\t caught\t in\t the\t ennui\t of\t depression\t or\t the agitation\t of\t anxiety\t is\t to\t be\t barred\t from\t flow.\t Yet\t flow\t (or\t a\t milder microflow)\tis\tan\texperience\talmost\teveryone\tenters\tfrom\ttime\tto\ttime, particularly\twhen\tperforming\tat\ttheir\tpeak\tor\tstretching\tbeyond\ttheir former\t limits.\t It\t is\t perhaps\t best\t captured\t by\t ecstatic\t lovemaking,\t the merging\tof\ttwo\tinto\ta\tfluidly\tharmonious\tone. That\t experience\t is\t a\t glorious\t one:\t the\t hallmark\t of\t flow\t is\t a\t feeling of\t spontaneous\t joy,\t even\t rapture.\t Because\t flow\t feels\t so\t good,\t it\t is intrinsically\t rewarding.\t It\t is\t a\t state\t in\t which\t people\t become\t utterly absorbed\t in\t what\t they\t are\t doing,\t paying\t undivided\t attention\t to\t the task,\t their\t awareness\t merged\t with\t their\t actions.\t Indeed,\t it\t interrupts flow\tto\treflect\ttoo\tmuch\ton\twhat\tis\thappening\u2014the\tvery\tthought\t\u201cI\u2019m doing\t this\t wonderfully\u201d\t can\t break\t the\t feeling\t of\t flow.\t Attention becomes\tso\tfocused\tthat\tpeople\tare\taware\tonly\tof\tthe\tnarrow\trange\tof perception\t related\t to\t the\t immediate\t task,\t losing\t track\t of\t time\t and space.\tA\tsurgeon,\tfor\texample,\trecalled\ta\tchallenging\toperation\tduring which\t he\t was\t in\t flow;\t when\t he\t completed\t the\t surgery\t he\t noticed some\t rubble\t on\t the\t floor\t of\t the\t operating\t room\t and\t asked\t what\t had happened.\tHe\twas\tamazed\tto\thear\tthat\twhile\the\twas\tso\tintent\ton\tthe surgery\tpart\tof\tthe\tceiling\thad\tcaved\tin\u2014he\thadn\u2019t\tnoticed\tat\tall. Flow\t is\t a\t state\t of\t self-forgetfulness,\t the\t opposite\t of\t rumination\t and worry:\t instead\t of\t being\t lost\t in\t nervous\t preoccupation,\t people\t in\t flow are\t so\t absorbed\t in\t the\t task\t at\t hand\t that\t they\t lose\t all\t self- consciousness,\t dropping\t the\t small\t preoccupations\u2014health,\t bills,\t even doing\t well\u2014of\t daily\t life.\t In\t this\t sense\t moments\t of\t flow\t are\t egoless. Paradoxically,\t people\t in\t flow\t exhibit\t a\t masterly\t control\t of\t what\t they are\t doing,\t their\t responses\t perfectly\t attuned\t to\t the\t changing\t demands of\tthe\ttask.\tAnd\talthough\tpeople\tperform\tat\ttheir\tpeak\twhile\tin\tflow, they\t are\t unconcerned\t with\t how\t they\t are\t doing,\t with\t thoughts\t of","success\t or\t failure\u2014the\t sheer\t pleasure\t of\t the\t act\t itself\t is\t what motivates\tthem. There\tare\tseveral\tways\tto\tenter\tflow.\tOne\tis\tto\tintentionally\tfocus\ta sharp\tattention\ton\tthe\ttask\tat\thand;\ta\thighly\tconcentrated\tstate\tis\tthe essence\tof\tflow.\tThere\tseems\tto\tbe\ta\tfeedback\tloop\tat\tthe\tgateway\tto this\t zone:\t it\t can\t require\t considerable\t effort\t to\t get\t calm\t and\t focused enough\t to\t begin\t the\t task\u2014this\t first\t step\t takes\t some\t discipline.\t But once\tfocus\tstarts\tto\tlock\tin,\tit\ttakes\ton\ta\tforce\tof\tits\town,\tboth\toffering relief\tfrom\temotional\tturbulence\tand\tmaking\tthe\ttask\teffortless. Entry\t to\t this\t zone\t can\t also\t occur\t when\t people\t find\t a\t task\t they\t are skilled\t at,\t and\t engage\t in\t it\t at\t a\t level\t that\t slightly\t taxes\t their\t ability. As\t Csikszentmihalyi\t told\t me,\t \u201cPeople\t seem\t to\t concentrate\t best\t when the\tdemands\ton\tthem\tare\ta\tbit\tgreater\tthan\tusual,\tand\tthey\tare\table\tto give\tmore\tthan\tusual.\tIf\tthere\tis\ttoo\tlittle\tdemand\ton\tthem,\tpeople\tare bored.\tIf\tthere\tis\ttoo\tmuch\tfor\tthem\tto\thandle,\tthey\tget\tanxious.\tFlow occurs\tin\tthat\tdelicate\tzone\tbetween\tboredom\tand\tanxiety.\u201d28 The\tspontaneous\tpleasure,\tgrace,\tand\teffectiveness\tthat\tcharacterize flow\t are\t incompatible\t with\t emotional\t hijackings,\t in\t which\t limbic surges\tcapture\tthe\trest\tof\tthe\tbrain.\tThe\tquality\tof\tattention\tin\tflow\tis relaxed\t yet\t highly\t focused.\t It\t is\t a\t concentration\t very\t different\t from straining\t to\t pay\t attention\t when\t we\t are\t tired\t or\t bored,\t or\t when\t our focus\tis\tunder\tsiege\tfrom\tintrusive\tfeelings\tsuch\tas\tanxiety\tor\tanger. Flow\t is\t a\t state\t devoid\t of\t emotional\t static,\t save\t for\t a\t compelling, highly\t motivating\t feeling\t of\t mild\t ecstasy.\t That\t ecstasy\t seems\t to\t be\t a by-product\t of\t the\t attentional\t focus\t that\t is\t a\t prerequisite\t of\t flow. Indeed,\t the\t classic\t literature\t of\t contemplative\t traditions\t describes states\t of\t absorption\t that\t are\t experienced\t as\t pure\t bliss:\t flow\t induced by\tnothing\tmore\tthan\tintense\tconcentration. Watching\t someone\t in\t flow\t gives\t the\t impression\t that\t the\t difficult\t is easy;\tpeak\tperformance\tappears\tnatural\tand\tordinary.\tThis\timpression parallels\twhat\tis\tgoing\ton\twithin\tthe\tbrain,\twhere\ta\tsimilar\tparadox\tis repeated:\t the\t most\t challenging\t tasks\t are\t done\t with\t a\t minimum expenditure\tof\tmental\tenergy.\tIn\tflow\tthe\tbrain\tis\tin\ta\t\u201ccool\u201d\tstate,\tits arousal\t and\t inhibition\t of\t neural\t circuitry\t attuned\t to\t the\t demand\t of the\t moment.\t When\t people\t are\t engaged\t in\t activities\t that\t effortlessly capture\t and\t hold\t their\t attention,\t their\t brain\t \u201cquiets\t down\u201d\t in\t the sense\t that\t there\t is\t a\t lessening\t of\t cortical\t arousal.29\t That\t discovery\t is remarkable,\t given\t that\t flow\t allows\t people\t to\t tackle\t the\t most challenging\t tasks\t in\t a\t given\t domain,\t whether\t playing\t against\t a\t chess master\t or\t solving\t a\t complex\t mathematical\t problem.\t The\t expectation","would\t be\t that\t such\t challenging\t tasks\t would\t require\t more\t cortical activity,\tnot\tless.\tBut\ta\tkey\tto\tflow\tis\tthat\tit\toccurs\tonly\twithin\treach of\t the\t summit\t of\t ability,\t where\t skills\t are\t well-rehearsed\t and\t neural circuits\tare\tmost\tefficient. A\t strained\t concentration\u2014a\t focus\t fueled\t by\t worry\u2014produces increased\t cortical\t activation.\t But\t the\t zone\t of\t flow\t and\t optimal performance\t seems\t to\t be\t an\t oasis\t of\t cortical\t efficiency,\t with\t a\t bare minimum\t of\t mental\t energy\t expended.\t That\t makes\t sense,\t perhaps,\t in terms\t of\t the\t skilled\t practice\t that\t allows\t people\t to\t get\t into\t flow: having\t mastered\t the\t moves\t of\t a\t task,\t whether\t a\t physical\t one\t such\t as rock\tclimbing\tor\ta\tmental\tone\tsuch\tas\tcomputer\tprogramming,\tmeans that\t the\t brain\t can\t be\t more\t efficient\t in\t performing\t them.\t Well- practiced\tmoves\trequire\tmuch\tless\tbrain\teffort\tthan\tdo\tones\tjust\tbeing learned,\t or\t those\t that\t are\t still\t too\t hard.\t Likewise,\t when\t the\t brain\t is working\tless\tefficiently\tbecause\tof\tfatigue\tor\tnervousness,\tas\thappens at\tthe\tend\tof\ta\tlong,\tstressful\tday,\tthere\tis\ta\tblurring\tof\tthe\tprecision of\tcortical\teffort,\twith\ttoo\tmany\tsuperfluous\tareas\tbeing\tactivated\u2014a neural\t state\t experienced\t as\t being\t highly\t distracted.30\t The\t same happens\t in\t boredom.\t But\t when\t the\t brain\t is\t operating\t at\t peak efficiency,\t as\t in\t flow,\t there\t is\t a\t precise\t relation\t between\t the\t active areas\t and\t the\t demands\t of\t the\t task.\t In\t this\t state\t even\t hard\t work\t can seem\trefreshing\tor\treplenishing\trather\tthan\tdraining. LEARNING\tAND\tFLOW:\tA\tNEW\tMODEL\tFOR\tEDUCATION Because\t flow\t emerges\t in\t the\t zone\t in\t which\t an\t activity\t challenges people\tto\tthe\tfullest\tof\ttheir\tcapacities,\tas\ttheir\tskills\tincrease\tit\ttakes a\t heightened\t challenge\t to\t get\t into\t flow.\t If\t a\t task\t is\t too\t simple,\t it\t is boring;\tif\ttoo\tchallenging,\tthe\tresult\tis\tanxiety\trather\tthan\tflow.\tIt\tcan be\t argued\t that\t mastery\t in\t a\t craft\t or\t skill\t is\t spurred\t on\t by\t the experience\t of\t flow\u2014that\t the\t motivation\t to\t get\t better\t and\t better\t at something,\t be\t it\t playing\t the\t violin,\t dancing,\t or\t gene-splicing,\t is\t at least\t in\t part\t to\t stay\t in\t flow\t while\t doing\t it.\t Indeed,\t in\t a\t study\t of\t two hundred\t artists\t eighteen\t years\t after\t they\t left\t art\t school, Csikszentmihalyi\t found\t that\t it\t was\t those\t who\t in\t their\t student\t days had\t savored\t the\t sheer\t joy\t of\t painting\t itself\t who\t had\t become\t serious painters.\t Those\t who\t had\t been\t motivated\t in\t art\t school\t by\t dreams\t of fame\t and\t wealth\t for\t the\t most\t part\t drifted\t away\t from\t art\t after graduating.","Csikszentmihalyi\t concludes:\t \u201cPainters\t must\t want\t to\t paint\t above\t all else.\tIf\tthe\tartist\tin\tfront\tof\tthe\tcanvas\tbegins\tto\twonder\thow\tmuch\the will\tsell\tit\tfor,\tor\twhat\tthe\tcritics\twill\tthink\tof\tit,\the\twon\u2019t\tbe\table\tto pursue\t original\t avenues.\t Creative\t achievements\t depend\t on\t single- minded\timmersion.\u201d31 Just\t as\t flow\t is\t a\t prerequisite\t for\t mastery\t in\t a\t craft,\t profession,\t or art,\tso\ttoo\twith\tlearning.\tStudents\twho\tget\tinto\tflow\tas\tthey\tstudy\tdo better,\t quite\t apart\t from\t their\t potential\t as\t measured\t by\t achievement tests.\tStudents\tin\ta\tspecial\tChicago\thigh\tschool\tfor\tthe\tsciences\u2014all\tof whom\thad\tscored\tin\tthe\ttop\t5\tpercent\ton\ta\ttest\tof\tmath\tproficiency\u2014 were\trated\tby\ttheir\tmath\tteachers\tas\thigh\tor\tlow\tachievers.\tThen\tthe way\t these\t students\t spent\t their\t time\t was\t monitored,\t each\t student carrying\ta\tbeeper\tthat\tsignaled\tthem\tat\trandom\ttimes\tduring\tthe\tday to\t write\t down\t what\t they\t were\t doing\t and\t what\t their\t mood\t was.\t Not surprisingly,\t the\t low\t achievers\t spent\t only\t about\t fifteen\t hours\t a\t week studying\t at\t home,\t much\t less\t than\t the\t twenty-seven\t hours\t a\t week\t of homework\t done\t by\t their\t high-achieving\t peers.\t The\t low\t achievers spent\t most\t of\t the\t hours\t during\t which\t they\t were\t not\t studying\t in socializing,\thanging\tout\twith\tfriends\tand\tfamily. When\t their\t moods\t were\t analyzed,\t a\t telling\t finding\t emerged.\t Both the\thigh\tand\tlow\tachievers\tspent\ta\tgreat\tdeal\tof\ttime\tduring\tthe\tweek being\t bored\t by\t activities,\t such\t as\t TV\t watching,\t that\t posed\t no challenge\t to\t their\t abilities.\t Such,\t after\t all,\t is\t the\t lot\t of\t teenagers.\t But the\t key\t difference\t was\t in\t their\t experience\t of\t studying.\t For\t the\t high achievers,\t studying\t gave\t them\t the\t pleasing,\t absorbing\t challenge\t of flow\t 40\t percent\t of\t the\t hours\t they\t spent\t at\t it.\t But\t for\t the\t low achievers,\t studying\t produced\t flow\t only\t 16\t percent\t of\t the\t time;\t more often\tthan\tnot,\tit\tyielded\tanxiety,\twith\tthe\tdemands\toutreaching\ttheir abilities.\tThe\tlow\tachievers\tfound\tpleasure\tand\tflow\tin\tsocializing,\tnot in\t studying.\t In\t short,\t students\t who\t achieve\t up\t to\t the\t level\t of\t their academic\t potential\t and\t beyond\t are\t more\t often\t drawn\t to\t study because\t it\t puts\t them\t in\t flow.\t Sadly,\t the\t low\t achievers,\t by\t failing\t to hone\tthe\tskills\tthat\twould\tget\tthem\tin\tflow,\tboth\tforfeit\tthe\tenjoyment of\tstudy\tand\trun\tthe\trisk\tof\tlimiting\tthe\tlevel\tof\tintellectual\ttasks\tthat will\tbe\tenjoyable\tto\tthem\tin\tthe\tfuture.32 Howard\t Gardner,\t the\t Harvard\t psychologist\t who\t developed\t the theory\tof\tmultiple\tintelligences,\tsees\tflow,\tand\tthe\tpositive\tstates\tthat typify\t it,\t as\t part\t of\t the\t healthiest\t way\t to\t teach\t children,\t motivating them\t from\t inside\t rather\t than\t by\t threat\t or\t promise\t of\t reward.\t \u201cWe should\t use\t kids\u2019\t positive\t states\t to\t draw\t them\t into\t learning\t in\t the","domains\twhere\tthey\tcan\tdevelop\tcompetencies,\u201d\tGardner\tproposed\tto me.\t\u201cFlow\tis\tan\tinternal\tstate\tthat\tsignifies\ta\tkid\tis\tengaged\tin\ta\ttask that\u2019s\t right.\t You\t have\t to\t find\t something\t you\t like\t and\t stick\t to\t it.\t It\u2019s when\t kids\t get\t bored\t in\t school\t that\t they\t fight\t and\t act\t up,\t and\t when they\u2019re\toverwhelmed\tby\ta\tchallenge\tthat\tthey\tget\tanxious\tabout\ttheir schoolwork.\tBut\tyou\tlearn\tat\tyour\tbest\twhen\tyou\thave\tsomething\tyou care\tabout\tand\tyou\tcan\tget\tpleasure\tfrom\tbeing\tengaged\tin.\u201d The\tstrategy\tused\tin\tmany\tof\tthe\tschools\tthat\tare\tputting\tGardner\u2019s model\t of\t multiple\t intelligences\t into\t practice\t revolves\t around identifying\ta\tchild\u2019s\tprofile\tof\tnatural\tcompetencies\tand\tplaying\tto\tthe strengths\tas\twell\tas\ttrying\tto\tshore\tup\tthe\tweaknesses.\tA\tchild\twho\tis naturally\ttalented\tin\tmusic\tor\tmovement,\tfor\texample,\twill\tenter\tflow more\t easily\t in\t that\t domain\t than\t in\t those\t where\t she\t is\t less\t able. Knowing\ta\tchild\u2019s\tprofile\tcan\thelp\ta\tteacher\tfine-tune\tthe\tway\ta\ttopic is\tpresented\tto\ta\tchild\tand\toffer\tlessons\tat\tthe\tlevel\u2014from\tremedial\tto highly\tadvanced\u2014that\tis\tmost\tlikely\tto\tprovide\tan\toptimal\tchallenge. Doing\t this\t makes\t learning\t more\t pleasurable,\t neither\t fearsome\t nor\t a bore.\t \u201cThe\t hope\t is\t that\t when\t kids\t gain\t flow\t from\t learning,\t they\t will be\t emboldened\t to\t take\t on\t challenges\t in\t new\t areas,\u201d\t says\t Gardner, adding\tthat\texperience\tsuggests\tthis\tis\tthe\tcase. More\t generally,\t the\t flow\t model\t suggests\t that\t achieving\t mastery\t of any\tskill\tor\tbody\tof\tknowledge\tshould\tideally\thappen\tnaturally,\tas\tthe child\t is\t drawn\t to\t the\t areas\t that\t spontaneously\t engage\t her\u2014that,\t in essence,\tshe\tloves.\tThat\tinitial\tpassion\tcan\tbe\tthe\tseed\tfor\thigh\tlevels of\t attainment,\t as\t the\t child\t comes\t to\t realize\t that\t pursuing\t the\t field\u2014 whether\t it\t be\t dance,\t math,\t or\t music\u2014is\t a\t source\t of\t the\t joy\t of\t flow. And\t since\t it\t takes\t pushing\t the\t limits\t of\t one\u2019s\t ability\t to\t sustain\t flow, that\tbecomes\ta\tprime\tmotivator\tfor\tgetting\tbetter\tand\tbetter;\tit\tmakes the\t child\t happy.\t This,\t of\t course,\t is\t a\t more\t positive\t model\t of\t learning and\t education\t than\t most\t of\t us\t encountered\t in\t school.\t Who\t does\t not recall\t school\t at\t least\t in\t part\t as\t endless\t dreary\t hours\t of\t boredom punctuated\t by\t moments\t of\t high\t anxiety?\t Pursuing\t flow\t through learning\t is\t a\t more\t humane,\t natural,\t and\t very\t likely\t more\t effective way\tto\tmarshal\temotions\tin\tthe\tservice\tof\teducation. That\t speaks\t to\t the\t more\t general\t sense\t in\t which\t channeling emotions\ttoward\ta\tproductive\tend\tis\ta\tmaster\taptitude.\tWhether\tit\tbe in\t controlling\t impulse\t and\t putting\t off\t gratification,\t regulating\t our moods\t so\t they\t facilitate\t rather\t than\t impede\t thinking,\t motivating ourselves\t to\t persist\t and\t try,\t try\t again\t in\t the\t face\t of\t setbacks,\t or finding\t ways\t to\t enter\t flow\t and\t so\t perform\t more\t effectively\u2014all","bespeak\tthe\tpower\tof\temotion\tto\tguide\teffective\teffort.","7 The\tRoots\tof\tEmpathy Back\t to\t Gary,\t the\t brilliant\t but\t alexithymic\t surgeon\t who\t so\t distressed his\tfianc\u00e9e,\tEllen,\tby\tbeing\toblivious\tnot\tonly\tto\this\town\tfeelings\tbut to\thers\tas\twell.\tLike\tmost\talexithymics,\the\tlacked\tempathy\tas\twell\tas insight.\t If\t Ellen\t spoke\t of\t feeling\t down,\t Gary\t failed\t to\t sympathize;\t if she\tspoke\tof\tlove,\the\tchanged\tthe\tsubject.\tGary\twould\tmake\t\u201chelpful\u201d critiques\t of\t things\t Ellen\t did,\t not\t realizing\t these\t criticisms\t made\t her feel\tattacked,\tnot\thelped. Empathy\t builds\t on\t self-awareness;\t the\t more\t open\t we\t are\t to\t our own\t emotions,\t the\t more\t skilled\t we\t will\t be\t in\t reading\t feelings.1 Alexithymics\t like\t Gary,\t who\t have\t no\t idea\t what\t they\t feel\t themselves, are\t at\t a\t complete\t loss\t when\t it\t comes\t to\t knowing\t what\t anyone\t else around\t them\t is\t feeling.\t They\t are\t emotionally\t tone-deaf.\t The emotional\t notes\t and\t chords\t that\t weave\t through\t people\u2019s\t words\t and actions\u2014the\t telling\t tone\t of\t voice\t or\t shift\t in\t posture,\t the\t eloquent silence\tor\ttelltale\ttremble\u2014go\tby\tunnoted. Confused\t about\t their\t own\t feelings,\t alexithymics\t are\t equally bewildered\t when\t other\t people\t express\t their\t feelings\t to\t them.\t This failure\t to\t register\t another\u2019s\t feelings\t is\t a\t major\t deficit\t in\t emotional intelligence,\tand\ta\ttragic\tfailing\tin\twhat\tit\tmeans\tto\tbe\thuman.\tFor\tall rapport,\t the\t root\t of\t caring,\t stems\t from\t emotional\t attunement,\t from the\tcapacity\tfor\tempathy. That\t capacity\u2014the\t ability\t to\t know\t how\t another\t feels\u2014comes\t into play\t in\t a\t vast\t array\t of\t life\t arenas,\t from\t sales\t and\t management\t to romance\t and\t parenting,\t to\t compassion\t and\t political\t action.\t The absence\t of\t empathy\t is\t also\t telling.\t Its\t lack\t is\t seen\t in\t criminal psychopaths,\trapists,\tand\tchild\tmolesters. People\u2019s\temotions\tare\trarely\tput\tinto\twords;\tfar\tmore\toften\tthey\tare expressed\tthrough\tother\tcues.\tThe\tkey\tto\tintuiting\tanother\u2019s\tfeelings\tis in\tthe\tability\tto\tread\tnonverbal\tchannels:\ttone\tof\tvoice,\tgesture,\tfacial expression,\t and\t the\t like.\t Perhaps\t the\t largest\t body\t of\t research\t on people\u2019s\t ability\t to\t read\t such\t nonverbal\t messages\t is\t by\t Robert Rosenthal,\t a\t Harvard\t psychologist,\t and\t his\t students.\t Rosenthal","devised\ta\ttest\tof\tempathy,\tthe\tPONS\t(Profile\tof\tNonverbal\tSensitivity), a\t series\t of\t videotapes\t of\t a\t young\t woman\t expressing\t feelings\t ranging from\tloathing\tto\tmotherly\tlove.2\tThe\tscenes\tspan\tthe\tspectrum\tfrom\ta jealous\t rage\t to\t asking\t forgiveness,\t from\t a\t show\t of\t gratitude\t to\t a seduction.\tThe\tvideo\thas\tbeen\tedited\tso\tthat\tin\teach\tportrayal\tone\tor more\t channels\t of\t nonverbal\t communication\t are\t systematically blanked\tout;\tin\taddition\tto\thaving\tthe\twords\tmuffled,\tfor\texample,\tin some\t scenes\t all\t other\t cues\t but\t the\t facial\t expression\t are\t blocked.\t In others,\t only\t the\t body\t movements\t are\t shown,\t and\t so\t on,\t through\t the main\t nonverbal\t channels\t of\t communication,\t so\t that\t viewers\t have\t to detect\temotion\tfrom\tone\tor\tanother\tspecific\tnonverbal\tcue. In\t tests\t with\t over\t seven\t thousand\t people\t in\t the\t United\t States\t and eighteen\t other\t countries,\t the\t benefits\t of\t being\t able\t to\t read\t feelings from\tnonverbal\tcues\tincluded\tbeing\tbetter\tadjusted\temotionally,\tmore popular,\t more\t outgoing,\t and\u2014perhaps\t not\t surprisingly\u2014more sensitive.\t In\t general,\t women\t are\t better\t than\t men\t at\t this\t kind\t of empathy.\tAnd\tpeople\twhose\tperformance\timproved\tover\tthe\tcourse\tof the\t forty-five-minute\t test\u2014a\t sign\t that\t they\t have\t a\t talent\t for\t picking up\tempathy\tskills\u2014also\thad\tbetter\trelationships\twith\tthe\topposite\tsex. Empathy,\tit\tshould\tbe\tno\tsurprise\tto\tlearn,\thelps\twith\tromantic\tlife. In\t keeping\t with\t findings\t about\t other\t elements\t of\t emotional intelligence,\tthere\twas\tonly\tan\tincidental\trelationship\tbetween\tscores on\t this\t measure\t of\t empathic\t acuity\t and\t SAT\t or\t IQ\t scores\t or\t school achievement\t tests.\t Empathy\u2019s\t independence\t from\t academic intelligence\thas\tbeen\tfound\ttoo\tin\ttesting\twith\ta\tversion\tof\tthe\tPONS designed\tfor\tchildren.\tIn\ttests\twith\t1,011\tchildren,\tthose\twho\tshowed an\t aptitude\t for\t reading\t feelings\t nonverbally\t were\t among\t the\t most popular\t in\t their\t schools,\t the\t most\t emotionally\t stable.3\t They\t also\t did better\t in\t school,\t even\t though,\t on\t average,\t their\t IQs\t were\t not\t higher than\t those\t of\t children\t who\t were\t less\t skilled\t at\t reading\t nonverbal messages\u2014suggesting\t that\t mastering\t this\t empathic\t ability\t smooths the\t way\t for\t classroom\t effectiveness\t (or\t simply\t makes\t teachers\t like them\tmore). Just\t as\t the\t mode\t of\t the\t rational\t mind\t is\t words,\t the\t mode\t of\t the emotions\t is\t nonverbal.\t Indeed,\t when\t a\t person\u2019s\t words\t disagree\t with what\t is\t conveyed\t via\t his\t tone\t of\t voice,\t gesture,\t or\t other\t nonverbal channel,\t the\t emotional\t truth\t is\t in\t how\t he\t says\t something\t rather\t than in\t what\t he\t says.\t One\t rule\t of\t thumb\t used\t in\t communications\t research is\tthat\t90\tpercent\tor\tmore\tof\tan\temotional\tmessage\tis\tnonverbal.\tAnd such\t messages\u2014anxiety\t in\t someone\u2019s\t tone\t of\t voice,\t irritation\t in\t the","quickness\t of\t a\t gesture\u2014are\t almost\t always\t taken\t in\t unconsciously, without\t paying\t specific\t attention\t to\t the\t nature\t of\t the\t message,\t but simply\t tacitly\t receiving\t it\t and\t responding.\t The\t skills\t that\t allow\t us\t to do\tthis\twell\tor\tpoorly\tare\talso,\tfor\tthe\tmost\tpart,\tlearned\ttacitly. HOW\tEMPATHY\tUNFOLDS The\tmoment\tHope,\tjust\tnine\tmonths\told,\tsaw\tanother\tbaby\tfall,\ttears welled\tup\tin\ther\town\teyes\tand\tshe\tcrawled\toff\tto\tbe\tcomforted\tby\ther mother,\tas\tthough\tit\twere\tshe\twho\thad\tbeen\thurt.\tAnd\tfifteen-month- old\tMichael\twent\tto\tget\this\town\tteddy\tbear\tfor\this\tcrying\tfriend\tPaul; when\t Paul\t kept\t crying,\t Michael\t retrieved\t Paul\u2019s\t security\t blanket\t for him.\t Both\t these\t small\t acts\t of\t sympathy\t and\t caring\t were\t observed\t by mothers\t trained\t to\t record\t such\t incidents\t of\t empathy\t in\t action.4\t The results\tof\tthe\tstudy\tsuggest\tthat\tthe\troots\tof\tempathy\tcan\tbe\ttraced\tto infancy.\t Virtually\t from\t the\t day\t they\t are\t born\t infants\t are\t upset\t when they\t hear\t another\t infant\t crying\u2014a\t response\t some\t see\t as\t the\t earliest precursor\tof\tempathy.5 Developmental\t psychologists\t have\t found\t that\t infants\t feel sympathetic\t distress\t even\t before\t they\t fully\t realize\t that\t they\t exist apart\t from\t other\t people.\t Even\t a\t few\t months\t after\t birth,\t infants\t react to\t a\t disturbance\t in\t those\t around\t them\t as\t though\t it\t were\t their\t own, crying\t when\t they\t see\t another\t child\u2019s\t tears.\t By\t one\t year\t or\t so,\t they start\tto\trealize\tthe\tmisery\tis\tnot\ttheir\town\tbut\tsomeone\telse\u2019s,\tthough they\t still\t seem\t confused\t over\t what\t to\t do\t about\t it.\t In\t research\t by Martin\t L.\t Hoffman\t at\t New\t York\t University,\t for\t example,\t a\t one-year- old\tbrought\this\town\tmother\tover\tto\tcomfort\ta\tcrying\tfriend,\tignoring the\tfriend\u2019s\tmother,\twho\twas\talso\tin\tthe\troom.\tThis\tconfusion\tis\tseen too\t when\t one-year-olds\t imitate\t the\t distress\t of\t someone\t else,\t possibly to\t better\t comprehend\t what\t they\t are\t feeling;\t for\t example,\t if\t another baby\t hurts\t her\t fingers,\t a\t one-year-old\t might\t put\t her\t own\t fingers\t in her\tmouth\tto\tsee\tif\tshe\thurts,\ttoo.\tOn\tseeing\this\tmother\tcry,\tone\tbaby wiped\this\town\teyes,\tthough\tthey\thad\tno\ttears. Such\tmotor\tmimicry,\tas\tit\tis\tcalled,\tis\tthe\toriginal\ttechnical\tsense\tof the\tword\tempathy\tas\tit\twas\tfirst\tused\tin\tthe\t1920s\tby\tE.\tB.\tTitchener, an\t American\t psychologist.\t This\t sense\t is\t slightly\t different\t from\t its original\t introduction\t into\t English\t from\t the\t Greek\t empatheia,\t \u201cfeeling into,\u201d\ta\tterm\tused\tinitially\tby\ttheoreticians\tof\taesthetics\tfor\tthe\tability to\t perceive\t the\t subjective\t experience\t of\t another\t person.\t Titchener\u2019s","theory\twas\tthat\tempathy\tstemmed\tfrom\ta\tsort\tof\tphysical\timitation\tof the\t distress\t of\t another,\t which\t then\t evokes\t the\t same\t feelings\t in oneself.\t He\t sought\t a\t word\t that\t would\t be\t distinct\t from\t sympathy, which\t can\t be\t felt\t for\t the\t general\t plight\t of\t another\t with\t no\t sharing whatever\tof\twhat\tthat\tother\tperson\tis\tfeeling. Motor\tmimicry\tfades\tfrom\ttoddlers\u2019\trepertoire\tat\taround\ttwo\tand\ta half\t years,\t at\t which\t point\t they\t realize\t that\t someone\t else\u2019s\t pain\t is different\t from\t their\t own,\t and\t are\t better\t able\t to\t comfort\t them.\t A typical\tincident,\tfrom\ta\tmother\u2019s\tdiary: A\t neighbor\u2019s\t baby\t cries\t \u2026\t and\t Jenny\t approaches\t and\t tries\t to\t give\t him\t some\t cookies. She\tfollows\thim\taround\tand\tbegins\tto\twhimper\tto\therself.\tShe\tthen\ttries\tto\tstroke\this hair,\tbut\the\tpulls\taway.\u2026\tHe\tcalms\tdown,\tbut\tJenny\tstill\tlooks\tworried.\tShe\tcontinues to\tbring\thim\ttoys\tand\tto\tpat\this\thead\tand\tshoulders.6 At\t this\t point\t in\t their\t development\t toddlers\t begin\t to\t diverge\t from one\t another\t in\t their\t overall\t sensitivity\t to\t other\t people\u2019s\t emotional upsets,\twith\tsome,\tlike\tJenny,\tkeenly\taware\tand\tothers\ttuning\tout.\tA series\tof\tstudies\tby\tMarian\tRadke-Yarrow\tand\tCarolyn\tZahn-Waxler\tat the\t National\t Institute\t of\t Mental\t Health\t showed\t that\t a\t large\t part\t of this\t difference\t in\t empathic\t concern\t had\t to\t do\t with\t how\t parents disciplined\t their\t children.\t Children,\t they\t found,\t were\t more\t empathic when\t the\t discipline\t included\t calling\t strong\t attention\t to\t the\t distress their\t misbehavior\t caused\t someone\t else:\t \u201cLook\t how\t sad\t you\u2019ve\t made her\t feel\u201d\t instead\t of\t \u201cThat\t was\t naughty.\u201d\t They\t found\t too\t that children\u2019s\t empathy\t is\t also\t shaped\t by\t seeing\t how\t others\t react\t when someone\t else\t is\t distressed;\t by\t imitating\t what\t they\t see,\t children develop\ta\trepertoire\tof\tempathic\tresponse,\tespecially\tin\thelping\tother people\twho\tare\tdistressed. THE\tWELL-ATTUNED\tCHILD Sarah\t was\t twenty-five\t when\t she\t gave\t birth\t to\t twin\t boys,\t Mark\t and Fred.\t Mark,\t she\t felt,\t was\t more\t like\t herself;\t Fred\t was\t more\t like\t his father.\tThat\tperception\tmay\thave\tbeen\tthe\tseed\tof\ta\ttelling\tbut\tsubtle difference\tin\thow\tshe\ttreated\teach\tboy.\tWhen\tthe\tboys\twere\tjust\tthree months\told,\tSarah\twould\toften\ttry\tto\tcatch\tFred\u2019s\tgaze,\tand\twhen\the would\tavert\this\tface,\tshe\twould\ttry\tto\tcatch\this\teye\tagain;\tFred\twould respond\t by\t turning\t away\t more\t emphatically.\t Once\t she\t would\t look","away,\t Fred\t would\t look\t back\t at\t her,\t and\t the\t cycle\t of\t pursuit\t and aversion\t would\t begin\t again\u2014often\t leaving\t Fred\t in\t tears.\t But\t with Mark,\t Sarah\t virtually\t never\t tried\t to\t impose\t eye\t contact\t as\t she\t did with\t Fred.\t Instead\t Mark\t could\t break\t off\t eye\t contact\t whenever\t he wanted,\tand\tshe\twould\tnot\tpursue. A\t small\t act,\t but\t telling.\t A\t year\t later,\t Fred\t was\t noticeably\t more fearful\t and\t dependent\t than\t Mark;\t one\t way\t he\t showed\t his\t fearfulness was\t by\t breaking\t off\t eye\t contact\t with\t other\t people,\t as\t he\t had\t done with\t his\t mother\t at\t three\t months,\t turning\t his\t face\t down\t and\t away. Mark,\t on\t the\t other\t hand,\t looked\t people\t straight\t in\t the\t eye;\t when\t he wanted\tto\tbreak\toff\tcontact,\the\u2019d\tturn\this\thead\tslightly\tupward\tand\tto the\tside,\twith\ta\twinning\tsmile. The\t twins\t and\t their\t mother\t were\t observed\t so\t minutely\t when\t they took\t part\t in\t research\t by\t Daniel\t Stern,\t a\t psychiatrist\t then\t at\t Cornell University\t School\t of\t Medicine.7\t Stern\t is\t fascinated\t by\t the\t small, repeated\t exchanges\t that\t take\t place\t between\t parent\t and\t child;\t he believes\tthat\tthe\tmost\tbasic\tlessons\tof\temotional\tlife\tare\tlaid\tdown\tin these\t intimate\t moments.\t Of\t all\t such\t moments,\t the\t most\t critical\t are those\t that\t let\t the\t child\t know\t her\t emotions\t are\t met\t with\t empathy, accepted,\t and\t reciprocated,\t in\t a\t process\t Stern\t calls\t attunement.\t The twins\u2019\t mother\t was\t attuned\t with\t Mark,\t but\t out\t of\t emotional\t synch with\t Fred.\t Stern\t contends\t that\t the\t countlessly\t repeated\t moments\t of attunement\t or\t misattunement\t between\t parent\t and\t child\t shape\t the emotional\t expectations\t adults\t bring\t to\t their\t close\t relationships\u2014 perhaps\tfar\tmore\tthan\tthe\tmore\tdramatic\tevents\tof\tchildhood. Attunement\t occurs\t tacitly,\t as\t part\t of\t the\t rhythm\t of\t relationship. Stern\t has\t studied\t it\t with\t microscopic\t precision\t through\t videotaping hours\tof\tmothers\twith\ttheir\tinfants.\tHe\tfinds\tthat\tthrough\tattunement mothers\tlet\ttheir\tinfants\tknow\tthey\thave\ta\tsense\tof\twhat\tthe\tinfant\tis feeling.\t A\t baby\t squeals\t with\t delight,\t for\t example,\t and\t the\t mother affirms\t that\t delight\t by\t giving\t the\t baby\t a\t gentle\t shake,\t cooing,\t or matching\tthe\tpitch\tof\ther\tvoice\tto\tthe\tbaby\u2019s\tsqueal.\tOr\ta\tbaby\tshakes his\t rattle,\t and\t she\t gives\t him\t a\t quick\t shimmy\t in\t response.\t In\t such\t an interaction\t the\t affirming\t message\t is\t in\t the\t mother\t more\t or\t less matching\tthe\tbaby\u2019s\tlevel\tof\texcitement.\tSuch\tsmall\tattunements\tgive an\t infant\t the\t reassuring\t feeling\t of\t being\t emotionally\t connected,\t a message\tthat\tStern\tfinds\tmothers\tsend\tabout\tonce\ta\tminute\twhen\tthey interact\twith\ttheir\tbabies. Attunement\t is\t very\t different\t from\t simple\t imitation.\t \u201cIf\t you\t just imitate\t a\t baby,\u201d\t Stern\t told\t me,\t \u201cthat\t only\t shows\t you\t know\t what\t he","did,\t not\t how\t he\t felt.\t To\t let\t him\t know\t you\t sense\t how\t he\t feels,\t you have\t to\t play\t back\t his\t inner\t feelings\t in\t another\t way.\t Then\t the\t baby knows\the\tis\tunderstood.\u201d Making\t love\t is\t perhaps\t the\t closest\t approximation\t in\t adult\t life\t to this\t intimate\t attunement\t between\t infant\t and\t mother.\t Lovemaking, Stern\twrites,\t\u201cinvolves\tthe\texperience\tof\tsensing\tthe\tother\u2019s\tsubjective state:\t shared\t desire,\t aligned\t intentions,\t and\t mutual\t states\t of simultaneously\tshifting\tarousal,\u201d\twith\tlovers\tresponding\tto\teach\tother in\ta\tsynchrony\tthat\tgives\tthe\ttacit\tsense\tof\tdeep\trapport.8\tLovemaking is,\tat\tits\tbest,\tan\tact\tof\tmutual\tempathy;\tat\tits\tworst\tit\tlacks\tany\tsuch emotional\tmutuality. THE\tCOSTS\tOF\tMISATTUNEMENT Stern\t holds\t that\t from\t repeated\t attunements\t an\t infant\t begins\t to develop\t a\t sense\t that\t other\t people\t can\t and\t will\t share\t in\t her\t feelings. This\t sense\t seems\t to\t emerge\t at\t around\t eight\t months,\t when\t infants begin\t to\t realize\t they\t are\t separate\t from\t others,\t and\t continues\t to\t be shaped\t by\t intimate\t relationships\t throughout\t life.\t When\t parents\t are misattuned\t to\t a\t child\t it\t is\t deeply\t upsetting.\t In\t one\t experiment,\t Stern had\t mothers\t deliberately\t over-\t or\t underrespond\t to\t their\t infants, rather\t than\t matching\t them\t in\t an\t attuned\t way;\t the\t infants\t responded with\timmediate\tdismay\tand\tdistress. Prolonged\tabsence\tof\tattunement\tbetween\tparent\tand\tchild\ttakes\ta tremendous\t emotional\t toll\t on\t the\t child.\t When\t a\t parent\t consistently fails\t to\t show\t any\t empathy\t with\t a\t particular\t range\t of\t emotion\t in\t the child\u2014joys,\t tears,\t needing\t to\t cuddle\u2014the\t child\t begins\t to\t avoid expressing,\t and\t perhaps\t even\t feeling,\t those\t same\t emotions.\t In\t this way,\tpresumably,\tentire\tranges\tof\temotion\tcan\tbegin\tto\tbe\tobliterated from\t the\t repertoire\t for\t intimate\t relations,\t especially\t if\t through childhood\t those\t feelings\t continue\t to\t be\t covertly\t or\t overtly discouraged. By\tthe\tsame\ttoken,\tchildren\tcan\tcome\tto\tfavor\tan\tunfortunate\trange of\temotion,\tdepending\ton\twhich\tmoods\tare\treciprocated.\tEven\tinfants \u201ccatch\u201d\t moods:\t Three-month-old\t babies\t of\t depressed\t mothers,\t for example,\t mirrored\t their\t mothers\u2019\t moods\t while\t playing\t with\t them, displaying\t more\t feelings\t of\t anger\t and\t sadness,\t and\t much\t less spontaneous\t curiosity\t and\t interest,\t compared\t to\t infants\t whose mothers\twere\tnot\tdepressed.9","One\tmother\tin\tStern\u2019s\tstudy\tconsistently\tunderreacted\tto\ther\tbaby\u2019s level\tof\tactivity;\teventually\ther\tbaby\tlearned\tto\tbe\tpassive.\t\u201cAn\tinfant treated\tthat\tway\tlearns,\twhen\tI\tget\texcited\tI\tcan\u2019t\tget\tmy\tmother\tto\tbe equally\t excited,\t so\t I\t may\t as\t well\t not\t try\t at\t all,\u201d\t Stern\t contends.\t But there\t is\t hope\t in\t \u201creparative\u201d\t relationships:\t \u201cRelationships\t throughout life\u2014with\t friends\t or\t relatives,\t for\t example,\t or\t in\t psychotherapy\u2014 continually\t reshape\t your\t working\t model\t of\t relationships.\t An imbalance\tat\tone\tpoint\tcan\tbe\tcorrected\tlater;\tit\u2019s\tan\tongoing,\tlifelong process.\u201d Indeed,\t several\t theories\t of\t psychoanalysis\t see\t the\t therapeutic relationship\t as\t providing\t just\t such\t an\t emotional\t corrective,\t a reparative\t experience\t of\t attunement.\t Mirroring\t is\t the\t term\t used\t by some\tpsychoanalytic\tthinkers\tfor\tthe\ttherapist\u2019s\treflecting\tback\tto\tthe client\t an\t understanding\t of\t his\t inner\t state,\t just\t as\t an\t attuned\t mother does\twith\ther\tinfant.\tThe\temotional\tsynchrony\tis\tunstated\tand\toutside conscious\tawareness,\tthough\ta\tpatient\tmay\tbask\tin\tthe\tsense\tof\tbeing deeply\tacknowledged\tand\tunderstood. The\tlifetime\temotional\tcosts\tof\tlack\tof\tattunement\tin\tchildhood\tcan be\t great\u2014and\t not\t just\t for\t the\t child.\t A\t study\t of\t criminals\t who committed\t the\t cruelest\t and\t most\t violent\t crimes\t found\t that\t the\t one characteristic\t of\t their\t early\t lives\t that\t set\t them\t apart\t from\t other criminals\t was\t that\t they\t had\t been\t shuttled\t from\t foster\t home\t to\t foster home,\t or\t raised\t in\t orphanages\u2014life\t histories\t that\t suggest\t emotional neglect\tand\tlittle\topportunity\tfor\tattunement.10 While\t emotional\t neglect\t seems\t to\t dull\t empathy,\t there\t is\t a paradoxical\t result\t from\t intense,\t sustained\t emotional\t abuse,\t including cruel,\t sadistic\t threats,\t humiliations,\t and\t plain\t meanness.\t Children who\t endure\t such\t abuse\t can\t become\t hyperalert\t to\t the\t emotions\t of those\t around\t them,\t in\t what\t amounts\t to\t a\t post-traumatic\t vigilance\t to cues\t that\t have\t signaled\t threat.\t Such\t an\t obsessive\t preoccupation\t with the\t feelings\t of\t others\t is\t typical\t of\t psychologically\t abused\t children who\t in\t adulthood\t suffer\t the\t mercurial,\t intense\t emotional\t ups\t and downs\t that\t are\t sometimes\t diagnosed\t as\t \u201cborderline\t personality disorder.\u201d\tMany\tsuch\tpeople\tare\tgifted\tat\tsensing\twhat\tothers\taround them\t are\t feeling,\t and\t it\t is\t quite\t common\t for\t them\t to\t report\t having suffered\temotional\tabuse\tin\tchildhood.11 THE\tNEUROLOGY\tOF\tEMPATHY","As\t is\t so\t often\t the\t case\t in\t neurology,\t reports\t of\t quirky\t and\t bizarre cases\t were\t among\t the\t early\t clues\t to\t the\t brain\t basis\t of\t empathy.\t A 1975\t report,\t for\t instance,\t reviewed\t several\t cases\t in\t which\t patients with\tcertain\tlesions\tin\tthe\tright\tarea\tof\tthe\tfrontal\tlobes\thad\ta\tcurious deficit:\t they\t were\t unable\t to\t understand\t the\t emotional\t message\t in people\u2019s\ttone\tof\tvoice,\tthough\tthey\twere\tperfectly\table\tto\tunderstand their\t words.\t A\t sarcastic\t \u201cThanks,\u201d\t a\t grateful\t \u201cThanks,\u201d\t and\t an\t angry \u201cThanks\u201d\t all\t had\t the\t same\t neutral\t meaning\t for\t them.\t By\t contrast,\t a 1979\t report\t spoke\t of\t patients\t with\t injuries\t in\t other\t parts\t of\t the\t right hemisphere\t who\t had\t a\t very\t different\t gap\t in\t their\t emotional perception.\tThese\tpatients\twere\tunable\tto\texpress\ttheir\town\temotions through\t their\t tone\t of\t voice\t or\t by\t gesture.\t They\t knew\t what\t they\t felt, but\t they\t simply\t could\t not\t convey\t it.\t All\t these\t cortical\t brain\t regions, the\t various\t authors\t noted,\t had\t strong\t connections\t to\t the\t limbic system. These\t studies\t were\t reviewed\t as\t background\t to\t a\t seminal\t paper\t by Leslie\t Brothers,\t a\t psychiatrist\t at\t the\t California\t Institute\t of Technology,\t on\t the\t biology\t of\t empathy.12\t Reviewing\t both neurological\t findings\t and\t comparative\t studies\t with\t animals,\t Brothers points\t to\t the\t amygdala\t and\t its\t connections\t to\t the\t association\t area\t of the\t visual\t cortex\t as\t part\t of\t the\t key\t brain\t circuitry\t underlying empathy. Much\t of\t the\t relevant\t neurological\t research\t is\t from\t work\t with animals,\t especially\t nonhuman\t primates.\t That\t such\t primates\t display empathy\u2014or\t\u201cemotional\tcommunication,\u201d\tas\tBrothers\tprefers\tto\tsay\u2014 is\tclear\tnot\tjust\tfrom\tanecdotal\taccounts,\tbut\talso\tfrom\tstudies\tsuch\tas the\tfollowing:\tRhesus\tmonkeys\twere\ttrained\tfirst\tto\tfear\ta\tcertain\ttone by\thearing\tit\twhile\tthey\treceived\tan\telectric\tshock.\tThen\tthey\tlearned to\t avoid\t the\t electric\t shock\t by\t pushing\t a\t lever\t whenever\t they\t heard the\t tone.\t Next,\t pairs\t of\t these\t monkeys\t were\t put\t in\t separate\t cages, their\t only\t communication\t being\t through\t closed-circuit\t TV,\t which allowed\tthem\tto\tsee\tpictures\tof\tthe\tface\tof\tthe\tother\tmonkey.\tThe\tfirst monkey,\t but\t not\t the\t second,\t then\t heard\t the\t dreaded\t tone\t sound, which\t brought\t a\t look\t of\t fear\t to\t its\t face.\t At\t that\t moment,\t the\t second monkey,\t seeing\t fear\t on\t the\t face\t of\t the\t first,\t pushed\t the\t lever\t that prevented\tthe\tshock\u2014an\tact\tof\tempathy,\tif\tnot\tof\taltruism. Having\t established\t that\t nonhuman\t primates\t do\t indeed\t read emotions\t from\t the\t faces\t of\t their\t peers,\t researchers\t gently\t inserted long,\t fine-tipped\t electrodes\t into\t the\t brains\t of\t monkeys.\t These electrodes\t allowed\t the\t recording\t of\t activity\t in\t a\t single\t neuron.","Electrodes\t tapping\t neurons\t in\t the\t visual\t cortex\t and\t in\t the\t amygdala showed\t that\t when\t one\t monkey\t saw\t the\t face\t of\t another,\t that information\tled\tto\ta\tneuron\tfiring\tfirst\tin\tthe\tvisual\tcortex,\tthen\tin\tthe amygdala.\tThis\tpathway,\tof\tcourse,\tis\ta\tstandard\troute\tfor\tinformation that\tis\temotionally\tarousing.\tBut\twhat\tis\tsurprising\tabout\tresults\tfrom such\t studies\t is\t that\t they\t have\t also\t identified\t neurons\t in\t the\t visual cortex\t that\t seem\t to\t fire\t only\t in\t response\t to\t specific\t facial\t expressions or\t gestures,\t such\t as\t a\t threatening\t opening\t of\t the\t mouth,\t a\t fearful grimace,\tor\ta\tdocile\tcrouch.\tThese\tneurons\tare\tdistinct\tfrom\tothers\tin the\t same\t region\t that\t recognize\t familiar\t faces.\t This\t would\t seem\t to mean\t that\t the\t brain\t is\t designed\t from\t the\t beginning\t to\t respond\t to specific\temotional\texpressions\u2014that\tis,\tempathy\tis\ta\tgiven\tof\tbiology. Another\t line\t of\t evidence\t for\t the\t key\t role\t of\t the\t amygdala-cortical pathway\tin\treading\tand\tresponding\tto\temotions,\tBrothers\tsuggests,\tis research\t in\t which\t monkeys\t in\t the\t wild\t had\t the\t connections\t to\t and from\tthe\tamygdala\tand\tcortex\tsevered.\tWhen\tthey\twere\treleased\tback to\t their\t troops,\t these\t monkeys\t were\t able\t to\t contend\t with\t ordinary tasks\t such\t as\t feeding\t themselves\t and\t climbing\t trees.\t But\t the unfortunate\tmonkeys\thad\tlost\tall\tsense\tof\thow\tto\trespond\temotionally to\t other\t monkeys\t in\t their\t band.\t Even\t when\t one\t made\t a\t friendly approach,\t they\t would\t run\t away,\t and\t eventually\t lived\t as\t isolates, shunning\tcontact\twith\ttheir\town\ttroop. The\t very\t regions\t of\t the\t cortex\t where\t the\t emotion-specific\t neurons concentrate\t are\t also,\t Brothers\t notes,\t those\t with\t the\t heaviest connection\t to\t the\t amygdala;\t reading\t emotion\t involves\t the\t amygdala- cortical\t circuitry,\t which\t has\t a\t key\t role\t in\t orchestrating\t the appropriate\t responses.\t \u201cThe\t survival\t value\t of\t such\t a\t system\t is obvious\u201d\t for\t nonhuman\t primates,\t notes\t Brothers.\t \u201cThe\t perception\t of another\tindividual\u2019s\tapproach\tshould\tgive\trise\tto\ta\tspecific\tpattern\tof [physiological\t response]\u2014and\t very\t quickly\u2014tailored\t to\t whether\t the intent\tis\tto\tbite,\tto\thave\ta\tquiet\tgrooming\tsession,\tor\tto\tcopulate.\u201d13 A\tsimilar\tphysiological\tbasis\tfor\tempathy\tin\tus\thumans\tis\tsuggested in\tresearch\tby\tRobert\tLevenson,\ta\tUniversity\tof\tCalifornia\tat\tBerkeley psychologist\t who\t has\t studied\t married\t couples\t trying\t to\t guess\t what their\t partner\t is\t feeling\t during\t a\t heated\t discussion.14\t His\t method\t is simple:\t the\t couple\t is\t videotaped\t and\t their\t physiological\t responses measured\twhile\ttalking\tover\tsome\ttroubling\tissue\tin\ttheir\tmarriage\u2014 how\tto\tdiscipline\tthe\tkids,\tspending\thabits,\tand\tthe\tlike.\tEach\tpartner reviews\t the\t tape\t and\t narrates\t what\t he\t or\t she\t was\t feeling\t from moment\tto\tmoment.\tThen\tthe\tpartner\treviews\tthe\ttape\ta\tsecond\ttime,","now\ttrying\tto\tread\tthe\tother\u2019s\tfeelings. The\tmost\tempathic\taccuracy\toccurred\tin\tthose\thusbands\tand\twives whose\t own\t physiology\t tracked\t that\t of\t the\t spouse\t they\t were\t watching. That\t is,\t when\t their\t partner\t had\t an\t elevated\t sweat\t response,\t so\t did they;\twhen\ttheir\tpartner\thad\ta\tdrop\tin\theart\trate,\ttheir\theart\tslowed. In\tshort,\ttheir\tbody\tmimicked\tthe\tsubtle,\tmoment-to-moment\tphysical reactions\tof\ttheir\tspouse.\tIf\tthe\tviewer\u2019s\tphysiological\tpatterns\tsimply repeated\t their\t own\t during\t the\t original\t interaction,\t they\t were\t very poor\t at\t surmising\t what\t their\t partner\t was\t feeling.\t Only\t when\t their bodies\twere\tin\tsynch\twas\tthere\tempathy. This\t suggests\t that\t when\t the\t emotional\t brain\t is\t driving\t the\t body with\t a\t strong\t reaction\u2014the\t heat\t of\t anger,\t say\u2014there\t can\t be\t little\t or no\t empathy.\t Empathy\t requires\t enough\t calm\t and\t receptivity\t so\t that the\t subtle\t signals\t of\t feeling\t from\t another\t person\t can\t be\t received\t and mimicked\tby\tone\u2019s\town\temotional\tbrain. EMPATHY\tAND\tETHICS:\tTHE\tROOTS\tOF\tALTRUISM \u201cNever\tsend\tto\tknow\tfor\twhom\tthe\tbell\ttolls;\tit\ttolls\tfor\tthee\u201d\tis\tone\tof the\t most\t famous\t lines\t in\t English\t literature.\t John\t Donne\u2019s\t sentiment speaks\tto\tthe\theart\tof\tthe\tlink\tbetween\tempathy\tand\tcaring:\tanother\u2019s pain\t is\t one\u2019s\t own.\t To\t feel\t with\t another\t is\t to\t care.\t In\t this\t sense,\t the opposite\t of\t empathy\t is\t antipathy.\t The\t empathic\t attitude\t is\t engaged again\t and\t again\t in\t moral\t judgments,\t for\t moral\t dilemmas\t involve potential\t victims:\t Should\t you\t lie\t to\t keep\t from\t hurting\t a\t friend\u2019s feelings?\t Should\t you\t keep\t a\t promise\t to\t visit\t a\t sick\t friend\t or\t accept\t a last-minute\t invitation\t to\t a\t dinner\t party\t instead?\t When\t should\t a\t life- support\tsystem\tbe\tkept\tgoing\tfor\tsomeone\twho\twould\totherwise\tdie? These\tmoral\tquestions\tare\tposed\tby\tthe\tempathy\tresearcher\tMartin Hoffman,\t who\t argues\t that\t the\t roots\t of\t morality\t are\t to\t be\t found\t in empathy,\tsince\tit\tis\tempathizing\twith\tthe\tpotential\tvictims\u2014someone in\tpain,\tdanger,\tor\tdeprivation,\tsay\u2014and\tso\tsharing\ttheir\tdistress\tthat moves\t people\t to\t act\t to\t help\t them.15\t Beyond\t this\t immediate\t link between\t empathy\t and\t altruism\t in\t personal\t encounters,\t Hoffman proposes\t that\t the\t same\t capacity\t for\t empathic\t affect,\t for\t putting oneself\t in\t another\u2019s\t place,\t leads\t people\t to\t follow\t certain\t moral principles. Hoffman\t sees\t a\t natural\t progression\t in\t empathy\t from\t infancy onward.\t As\t we\t have\t seen,\t at\t one\t year\t of\t age\t a\t child\t feels\t in\t distress","herself\t when\t she\t sees\t another\t fall\t and\t start\t to\t cry;\t her\t rapport\t is\t so strong\t and\t immediate\t that\t she\t puts\t her\t thumb\t in\t her\t mouth\t and buries\t her\t head\t in\t her\t mother\u2019s\t lap,\t as\t if\t she\t herself\t were\t hurt.\t After the\tfirst\tyear,\twhen\tinfants\tbecome\tmore\taware\tthat\tthey\tare\tdistinct from\tothers,\tthey\tactively\ttry\tto\tsoothe\tanother\tcrying\tinfant,\toffering them\t their\t teddy\t bears,\t for\t example.\t As\t early\t as\t the\t age\t of\t two, children\tbegin\tto\trealize\tthat\tsomeone\telse\u2019s\tfeelings\tdiffer\tfrom\ttheir own,\t and\t so\t they\t become\t more\t sensitive\t to\t cues\t revealing\t what another\tactually\tfeels;\tat\tthis\tpoint\tthey\tmight,\tfor\texample,\trecognize that\tanother\tchild\u2019s\tpride\tmight\tmean\tthat\tthe\tbest\tway\tto\thelp\tthem deal\twith\ttheir\ttears\tis\tnot\tto\tcall\tundue\tattention\tto\tthem. By\t late\t childhood\t the\t most\t advanced\t level\t of\t empathy\t emerges,\t as children\t are\t able\t to\t understand\t distress\t beyond\t the\t immediate situation,\tand\tto\tsee\tthat\tsomeone\u2019s\tcondition\tor\tstation\tin\tlife\tmay\tbe a\t source\t of\t chronic\t distress.\t At\t this\t point\t they\t can\t feel\t for\t the\t plight of\t an\t entire\t group,\t such\t as\t the\t poor,\t the\t oppressed,\t the\t outcast.\t That understanding,\t in\t adolescence,\t can\t buttress\t moral\t convictions centered\ton\twanting\tto\talleviate\tmisfortune\tand\tinjustice. Empathy\tunderlies\tmany\tfacets\tof\tmoral\tjudgment\tand\taction.\tOne is\t\u201cempathic\tanger,\u201d\twhich\tJohn\tStuart\tMill\tdescribed\tas\t\u201cthe\tnatural feeling\tof\tretaliation\t\u2026\trendered\tby\tintellect\tand\tsympathy\tapplicable to\t \u2026\t those\t hurts\t which\t wound\t us\t through\t wounding\t others\u201d;\t Mill dubbed\t this\t the\t \u201cguardian\t of\t justice.\u201d\t Another\t instance\t in\t which empathy\t leads\t to\t moral\t action\t is\t when\t a\t bystander\t is\t moved\t to intervene\t on\t behalf\t of\t a\t victim;\t the\t research\t shows\t that\t the\t more empathy\ta\tbystander\tfeels\tfor\tthe\tvictim,\tthe\tmore\tlikely\tit\tis\tthat\tshe will\t intervene.\t There\t is\t some\t evidence\t that\t the\t level\t of\t empathy people\tfeel\tshades\ttheir\tmoral\tjudgments\tas\twell.\tFor\texample,\tstudies in\t Germany\t and\t the\t United\t States\t found\t that\t the\t more\t empathic people\t are,\t the\t more\t they\t favor\t the\t moral\t principle\t that\t resources should\tbe\tallocated\taccording\tto\tpeople\u2019s\tneed.16 LIFE\tWITHOUT\tEMPATHY:\tTHE\tMIND\tOF\tTHE\tMOLESTER,\tTHE MORALS\tOF\tTHE\tSOCIOPATH Eric\t Eckardt\t was\t involved\t in\t an\t infamous\t crime:\t the\t bodyguard\t of skater\t Tonya\t Harding,\t Eckardt\t had\t arranged\t to\t have\t thugs\t attack Nancy\t Kerrigan,\t Harding\u2019s\t archrival\t for\t the\t 1994\t women\u2019s\t Olympic figure\tskating\tgold\tmedal.\tIn\tthe\tattack,\tKerrigan\u2019s\tknee\twas\tbattered,","sidelining\t her\t during\t crucial\t training\t months.\t But\t when\t Eckardt\t saw the\timage\tof\ta\tsobbing\tKerrigan\ton\ttelevision,\the\thad\ta\tsudden\trush\tof remorse,\t and\t sought\t out\t a\t friend\t to\t bare\t his\t secret,\t beginning\t the sequence\t that\t led\t to\t the\t arrest\t of\t the\t attackers.\t Such\t is\t the\t power\t of empathy. But\t it\t is\t typically,\t and\t tragically,\t lacking\t in\t those\t who\t commit\t the most\tmean-spirited\tof\tcrimes.\tA\tpsychological\tfault\tline\tis\tcommon\tto rapists,\t child\t molesters,\t and\t many\t perpetrators\t of\t family\t violence alike:\t they\t are\t incapable\t of\t empathy.\t This\t inability\t to\t feel\t their victims\u2019\t pain\t allows\t them\t to\t tell\t themselves\t lies\t that\t encourage\t their crime.\t For\t rapists,\t the\t lies\t include\t \u201cWomen\t really\t want\t to\t be\t raped\u201d or\t \u201cIf\t she\t resists,\t she\u2019s\t just\t playing\t hard\t to\t get\u201d;\t for\t molesters,\t \u201cI\u2019m not\thurting\tthe\tchild,\tjust\tshowing\tlove\u201d\tor\t\u201cThis\tis\tjust\tanother\tform of\t affection\u201d;\t for\t physically\t abusive\t parents,\t \u201cThis\t is\t just\t good discipline.\u201d\tThese\tself-justifications\tare\tall\tcollected\tfrom\twhat\tpeople being\ttreated\tfor\tthese\tproblems\tsay\tthey\thave\ttold\tthemselves\tas\tthey were\tbrutalizing\ttheir\tvictims,\tor\tpreparing\tto\tdo\tso. The\t blotting\t out\t of\t empathy\t as\t these\t people\t inflict\t damage\t on victims\t is\t almost\t always\t part\t of\t an\t emotional\t cycle\t that\t precipitates their\tcruel\tacts.\tWitness\tthe\temotional\tsequence\tthat\ttypically\tleads\tto a\t sex\t crime\t such\t as\t child\t molestation.17\t The\t cycle\t begins\t with\t the molester\t feeling\t upset:\t angry,\t depressed,\t lonely.\t These\t sentiments might\t be\t triggered\t by,\t say,\t watching\t happy\t couples\t on\t TV,\t and\t then feeling\tdepressed\tabout\tbeing\talone.\tThe\tmolester\tthen\tseeks\tsolace\tin a\tfavored\tfantasy,\ttypically\tabout\ta\twarm\tfriendship\twith\ta\tchild;\tthe fantasy\t becomes\t sexual\t and\t ends\t in\t masturbation.\t Afterward,\t the molester\t feels\t a\t temporary\t relief\t from\t the\t sadness,\t but\t the\t relief\t is short-lived;\t the\t depression\t and\t loneliness\t return\t even\t more\t strongly. The\t molester\t begins\t to\t think\t about\t acting\t out\t the\t fantasy,\t telling himself\t justifications\t like\t \u201cI\u2019m\t not\t doing\t any\t real\t harm\t if\t the\t child\t is not\tphysically\thurt\u201d\tand\t\u201cIf\ta\tchild\treally\tdidn\u2019t\twant\tto\thave\tsex\twith me,\tshe\tcould\tstop\tit.\u201d At\tthis\tpoint\tthe\tmolester\tis\tseeing\tthe\tchild\tthrough\tthe\tlens\tof\tthe perverted\t fantasy,\t not\t with\t empathy\t for\t what\t a\t real\t child\t would\t feel in\t the\t situation.\t That\t emotional\t detachment\t characterizes\t everything that\tfollows,\tfrom\tthe\tensuing\tplan\tto\tget\ta\tchild\talone,\tto\tthe\tcareful rehearsal\tof\twhat\twill\thappen,\tand\tthen\tthe\texecution\tof\tthe\tplan.\tAll of\t it\t is\t pursued\t as\t though\t the\t child\t involved\t had\t no\t feelings\t of\t her own;\t instead\t the\t molester\t projects\t on\t her\t the\t cooperative\t attitude\t of the\tchild\tin\this\tfantasy.\tHer\tfeelings\u2014revulsion,\tfear,\tdisgust\u2014do\tnot","register.\tIf\tthey\tdid,\tit\twould\t\u201cruin\u201d\tthings\tfor\tthe\tmolester. This\t utter\t lack\t of\t empathy\t for\t their\t victims\t is\t one\t of\t the\t main focuses\tof\tnew\ttreatments\tbeing\tdevised\tfor\tchild\tmolesters\tand\tother such\toffenders.\tIn\tone\tof\tthe\tmost\tpromising\ttreatment\tprograms,\tthe offenders\tread\theart-wrenching\taccounts\tof\tcrimes\tlike\ttheir\town,\ttold from\t the\t victim\u2019s\t perspective.\t They\t also\t watch\t videotapes\t of\t victims tearfully\t telling\t what\t it\t was\t like\t to\t be\t molested.\t The\t offenders\t then write\t about\t their\t own\t offense\t from\t the\t victim\u2019s\t point\t of\t view, imagining\t what\t the\t victim\t felt.\t They\t read\t this\t account\t to\t a\t therapy group,\tand\ttry\tto\tanswer\tquestions\tabout\tthe\tassault\tfrom\tthe\tvictim\u2019s perspective.\t Finally,\t the\t offender\t goes\t through\t a\t simulated reenactment\tof\tthe\tcrime,\tthis\ttime\tplaying\tthe\trole\tof\tthe\tvictim. William\t Pithers,\t the\t Vermont\t prison\t psychologist\t who\t developed this\t perspective-taking\t therapy,\t told\t me,\t \u201cEmpathy\t with\t the\t victim shifts\t perception\t so\t that\t the\t denial\t of\t pain,\t even\t in\t one\u2019s\t fantasies,\t is difficult\u201d\t and\t so\t strengthens\t the\t men\u2019s\t motivation\t to\t fight\t their perverse\t sexual\t urges.\t Sex\t offenders\t who\t have\t been\t through\t the program\t in\t prison\t had\t only\t half\t the\t rate\t of\t subsequent\t offenses\t after release\t compared\t to\t those\t who\t had\t no\t such\t treatment.\t Without\t this initial\tempathy-inspired\tmotivation,\tnone\tof\tthe\trest\tof\ttreatment\twill work. While\t there\t may\t be\t some\t small\t hope\t for\t instilling\t a\t sense\t of empathy\t in\t offenders\t such\t as\t child\t molesters,\t there\t is\t much\t less\t for another\t criminal\t type,\t the\t psychopath\t (more\t recently\t called\t the sociopath\t as\t a\t psychiatric\t diagnosis).\t Psychopaths\t are\t notorious\t for being\t both\t charming\t and\t completely\t without\t remorse\t for\t even\t the most\t cruel\t and\t heartless\t acts.\t Psychopathy,\t the\t incapacity\t to\t feel empathy\tor\tcompassion\tof\tany\tsort,\tor\tthe\tleast\ttwinge\tof\tconscience, is\t one\t of\t the\t more\t perplexing\t of\t emotional\t defects.\t The\t heart\t of\t the psychopath\u2019s\t coldness\t seems\t to\t lie\t in\t an\t inability\t to\t make\t anything more\t than\t the\t shallowest\t of\t emotional\t connections.\t The\t cruelest\t of criminals,\tsuch\tas\tsadistic\tserial\tkillers\twho\tdelight\tin\tthe\tsuffering\tof their\tvictims\tbefore\tthey\tdie,\tare\tthe\tepitome\tof\tpsychopathy.18 Psychopaths\t are\t also\t glib\t liars,\t willing\t to\t say\t anything\t to\t get\t what they\twant,\tand\tthey\tmanipulate\ttheir\tvictims\u2019\temotions\twith\tthe\tsame cynicism.\t Consider\t the\t performance\t of\t Faro,\t a\t seventeen-year-old member\tof\ta\tLos\tAngeles\tgang\twho\tcrippled\ta\tmother\tand\ther\tbaby\tin a\t drive-by\t shooting,\t which\t he\t described\t with\t more\t pride\t than remorse.\t Driving\t in\t a\t car\t with\t Leon\t Bing,\t who\t was\t writing\t a\t book about\t the\t Los\t Angeles\t gangs\t the\t Crips\t and\t the\t Bloods,\t Faro\t wants\t to","show\toff.\tFaro\ttells\tBing\the\u2019s\t\u201cgonna\tlook\tcrazy\u201d\tat\tthe\t\u201ctwo\tdudes\u201d\tin the\tnext\tcar.\tAs\tBing\trecounts\tthe\texchange: The\t driver,\t sensing\t that\t someone\t is\t looking\t at\t him,\t glances\t over\t at\t my\t car.\t His\t eyes connect\t with\t Faro\u2019s,\t widen\t for\t an\t instant.\t Then\t he\t breaks\t the\t contact,\t looks\t down, looks\taway.\tAnd\tthere\tis\tno\tmistaking\twhat\tI\tsaw\tthere\tin\this\teyes:\tIt\twas\tfear. Faro\tdemonstrates\tthe\tlook\the\tflashed\tat\tthe\tnext\tcar\tfor\tBing: He\tlooks\tstraight\tat\tme\tand\teverything\tabout\this\tface\tshifts\tand\tchanges,\tas\tif\tby\tsome trick\tof\ttime-lapse\tphotography.\tIt\tbecomes\ta\tnightmare\tface,\tand\tit\tis\ta\tscary\tthing\tto see.\t It\t tells\t you\t that\t if\t you\t return\t his\t stare,\t if\t you\t challenge\t this\t kid,\t you\u2019d\t better\t be able\tto\tstand\tyour\tground.\tHis\tlook\ttells\tyou\tthat\the\tdoesn\u2019t\tcare\tabout\tanything,\tnot your\tlife\tand\tnot\this.19 Of\t course,\t in\t behavior\t as\t complex\t as\t crime,\t there\t are\t many plausible\texplanations\tthat\tdo\tnot\tevoke\ta\tbiological\tbasis.\tOne\tmight be\t that\t a\t perverse\t kind\t of\t emotional\t skill\u2014intimidating\t other\t people \u2014has\t survival\t value\t in\t violent\t neighborhoods,\t as\t might\t turning\t to crime;\t in\t these\t cases\t too\t much\t empathy\t might\t be\t counterproductive. Indeed,\t an\t opportunistic\t lack\t of\t empathy\t may\t be\t a\t \u201cvirtue\u201d\t in\t many roles\t in\t life,\t from\t \u201cbad\t cop\u201d\t police\t interrogator\t to\t corporate\t raider. Men\twho\thave\tbeen\ttorturers\tfor\tterrorist\tstates,\tfor\texample,\tdescribe how\t they\t learned\t to\t dissociate\t from\t the\t feelings\t of\t their\t victims\t in order\tto\tdo\ttheir\t\u201cjob.\u201d\tThere\tare\tmany\troutes\tto\tmanipulativeness. One\t of\t the\t more\t ominous\t ways\t this\t absence\t of\t empathy\t may display\titself\twas\tdiscovered\tby\taccident\tin\ta\tstudy\tof\tthe\tmost\tvicious of\t wife\t batterers.\t The\t research\t revealed\t a\t physiological\t anomaly among\t many\t of\t the\t most\t violent\t husbands,\t who\t regularly\t beat\t up their\twives\tor\tthreaten\tthem\twith\tknives\tor\tguns:\tthe\thusbands\tdo\tso in\t a\t cold,\t calculating\t state\t rather\t than\t while\t being\t carried\t away\t by the\theat\tof\tfury.20\tAs\ttheir\tanger\tmounts,\tthe\tanomaly\temerges:\ttheir heart\trate\tdrops,\t instead\t of\t climbing\t higher,\t as\t is\t ordinarily\t the\t case with\t mounting\t fury.\t This\t means\t they\t are\t growing\t physiologically calmer,\teven\tas\tthey\tget\tmore\tbelligerent\tand\tabusive.\tTheir\tviolence appears\t to\t be\t a\t calculated\t act\t of\t terrorism,\t a\t method\t for\t controlling their\twives\tby\tinstilling\tfear. These\t coolly\t brutal\t husbands\t are\t a\t breed\t apart\t from\t most\t other men\t who\t batter\t their\t wives.\t For\t one,\t they\t are\t far\t more\t likely\t to\t be violent\t outside\t the\t marriage\t as\t well,\t getting\t into\t bar\t fights\t and","battling\t with\t coworkers\t and\t other\t family\t members.\t And\t while\t most men\t who\t become\t violent\t with\t their\t wives\t do\t so\t impulsively,\t out\t of rage\t after\t feeling\t rejected\t or\t jealous,\t or\t out\t of\t fear\t of\t abandonment, these\tcalculating\tbatterers\twill\tstrike\tout\tat\ttheir\twives\tseemingly\tfor no\t reason\t at\t all\u2014and\t once\t they\t start,\t nothing\t she\t does,\t including trying\tto\tleave,\tseems\tto\trestrain\ttheir\tviolence. Some\t researchers\t who\t study\t criminal\t psychopaths\t suspect\t their cold\t manipulativeness,\t such\t absence\t of\t empathy\t or\t caring,\t can sometimes\t stem\t from\t a\t neural\t defect.*\t A\t possible\t physiological\t basis of\theartless\tpsychopathy\thas\tbeen\tshown\tin\ttwo\tways,\tboth\tof\twhich suggest\t the\t involvement\t of\t neural\t pathways\t to\t the\t limbic\t brain.\t In one,\tpeople\u2019s\tbrain\twaves\tare\tmeasured\tas\tthey\ttry\tto\tdecipher\twords that\thave\tbeen\tscrambled.\tThe\twords\tare\tflashed\tvery\tquickly,\tfor\tjust a\t tenth\t of\t a\t second\t or\t so.\t Most\t people\t react\t differently\t to\t emotional words\tsuch\tas\tkill\tthan\tto\tneutral\twords\tsuch\tas\tchair:\tthey\tcan\tdecide more\t quickly\t if\t the\t emotional\t word\t was\t scrambled,\t and\t their\t brains show\t a\t distinctive\t wave\t pattern\t in\t response\t to\t the\t emotional\t words, but\t not\t the\t neutral\t ones.\t But\t psychopaths\t have\t neither\t of\t these responses:\ttheir\tbrains\tdo\tnot\tshow\tthe\tdistinctive\tpattern\tin\tresponse to\t the\t emotional\t words,\t and\t they\t do\t not\t respond\t more\t quickly\t to them,\t suggesting\t a\t disruption\t in\t circuits\t between\t the\t verbal\t cortex, which\t recognizes\t the\t word,\t and\t the\t limbic\t brain,\t which\t attaches feeling\tto\tit. Robert\t Hare,\t the\t University\t of\t British\t Columbia\t psychologist\t who has\t done\t this\t research,\t interprets\t these\t results\t as\t meaning\t that psychopaths\t have\t a\t shallow\t understanding\t of\t emotional\t words,\t a reflection\t of\t their\t more\t general\t shallowness\t in\t the\t affective\t realm. The\t callousness\t of\t psychopaths,\t Hare\t believes,\t is\t based\t in\t part\t on another\t physiological\t pattern\t he\t discovered\t in\t earlier\t research,\t one that\talso\tsuggests\tan\tirregularity\tin\tthe\tworkings\tof\tthe\tamygdala\tand related\tcircuits:\tpsychopaths\tabout\tto\treceive\tan\telectrical\tshock\tshow no\t sign\t of\t the\t fear\t response\t that\t is\t normal\t in\t people\t about\t to experience\t pain.21\t Because\t the\t prospect\t of\t pain\t does\t not\t trigger\t a surge\t of\t anxiety,\t Hare\t contends\t that\t psychopaths\t lack\t concern\t about future\tpunishment\tfor\twhat\tthey\tdo.\tAnd\tbecause\tthey\tthemselves\tdo not\tfeel\tfear,\tthey\thave\tno\tempathy\u2014or\tcompassion\u2014for\tthe\tfear\tand pain\tof\ttheir\tvictims. *\tA\tnote\tof\tcaution:\tIf\tthere\tare\tbiological\tpatterns\tat\tplay\tin\tsome\tkinds\tof\tcriminality\u2014such as\ta\tneural\tdefect\tin\tempathy\u2014that\tdoes\tnot\targue\tthat\tall\tcriminals\tare\tbiologically\tflawed, or\tthat\tthere\tis\tsome\tbiological\tmarker\tfor\tcrime.\tA\tcontroversy\thas\traged\ton\tthis\tissue,\tand","the\t best\t consensus\t is\t that\t there\t is\t no\t such\t biological\t marker,\t and\t certainly\t no\t \u201ccriminal gene.\u201d\t Even\t if\t there\t is\t a\t biological\t basis\t for\t a\t lack\t of\t empathy\t in\t some\t cases,\t that\t does\t not mean\tall\twho\thave\tit\twill\tdrift\tto\tcrime;\tmost\twill\tnot.\tA\tlack\tof\tempathy\tshould\tbe\tfactored in\t with\t all\t the\t other\t psychological,\t economic,\t and\t social\t forces\t that\t contribute\t to\t a\t vector toward\tcriminality.","8 The\tSocial\tArts As\t so\t often\t happens\t to\t five-year-olds\t with\t younger\t siblings,\t Len\t has lost\tall\tpatience\twith\tJay,\this\ttwo-and-a-half-year-old\tbrother,\twho\tis making\t a\t mess\t of\t the\t Lego\t blocks\t they\u2019ve\t been\t playing\t with.\t Carried away\t by\t a\t wave\t of\t rage,\t Len\t bites\t Jay,\t who\t breaks\t into\t tears.\t Their mother,\t hearing\t Jay\u2019s\t pained\t yelp,\t bustles\t over\t and\t scolds\t Len, ordering\thim\tto\tput\taway\tthose\tobjects\tof\tcontention,\tthe\tLego\tblocks. At\t this\u2014what\t surely\t must\t seem\t a\t gross\t miscarriage\t of\t justice\u2014Len bursts\tout\tcrying.\tStill\tpeeved,\this\tmother\trefuses\tto\tconsole\thim. But\t Len\t is\t proffered\t comfort\t from\t an\t unlikely\t source:\t Jay,\t who, although\t the\t original\t injured\t party,\t is\t now\t so\t concerned\t by\t his\t older brother\u2019s\ttears\tthat\the\tundertakes\ta\tcampaign\tto\tcalm\tLen\tdown.\tThe exchange\tgoes\tsomething\tlike\tthis:1 \u201cLen,\tdon\u2019t,\u201d\tJay\timplores.\t\u201cStop\tcrying,\tmate.\tStop\tit\tcrying.\u201d But\t Len\t still\t cries.\t His\t direct\t plea\t a\t failure,\t Jay\t beseeches\t their mother\t on\t Len\u2019s\t behalf:\t \u201cLen\t crying,\t Mummy!\t Len\t crying.\t Look.\t Me show\tyou.\tLen\tcrying.\u201d And\tthen,\tturning\tto\tLen,\tJay\tadopts\ta\tmothering\tmode,\tpatting\this weeping\tbrother\tas\the\treassures\thim\tin\tsoothing\ttones,\t\u201cLook,\tLen.\tNo go\ton\tcrying.\u201d Len\u2019s\tsobs\tcontinue,\tdespite\tthe\tcomforting.\tSo\tJay\tturns\tto\tanother tactic,\tlending\ta\thelping\thand\tin\tputting\taway\tthe\tLego\tblocks\tin\ttheir bag,\twith\ta\tfriendly,\t\u201cAh,\tLen.\tI\tput\tit\tback\tfor\tLennie,\they?\u201d Even\tso,\tthe\ttears\tcontinue.\tThe\tever-ingenious\tJay\ttries\tyet\tanother strategy,\t distraction.\t Showing\t his\t brother\t a\t toy\t car,\t Jay\t tries\t to\t draw his\tattention\taway\tfrom\tthe\tminor\ttragedy\tthat\thas\tjust\tbefallen\thim. \u201cThere\u2019s\tthis\tman\tin\there.\tWhat\u2019s\tthis,\tLen?\tWhat\u2019s\tthis,\tLen?\u201d Len\t takes\t no\t interest.\t He\u2019s\t inconsolable;\t his\t tears\t know\t no\t end. Losing\t her\t patience\t with\t him,\t his\t mother\t resorts\t to\t that\t classic parental\t threat,\t \u201cDo\t you\t want\t me\t to\t smack\t you?\u201d\t to\t which\t Len responds\twith\ta\twavering,\t\u201cNo.\u201d \u201cThen\t just\t stop\t it,\t please,\u201d\t says\t his\t mother\t firmly,\t if\t a\t bit exasperatedly.","Through\this\tsobs,\tLen\tmanages\ta\tpathetic,\tgasping,\t\u201cI\u2019m\ttrying\tto.\u201d Which\t prompts\t Jay\u2019s\t final\t stratagem:\t borrowing\t his\t mother\u2019s firmness\t and\t voice\t of\t authority,\t he\t threatens,\t \u201cStop\t crying,\t Len. Smack\tyour\tbottom!\u201d This\t microdrama\t reveals\t the\t remarkable\t emotional\t sophistication that\t a\t toddler\t of\t just\t thirty\t months\t can\t bring\t to\t bear\t in\t trying\t to manage\tsomeone\telse\u2019s\temotions.\tIn\this\turgent\tattempts\tto\tsoothe\this brother,\t Jay\t is\t able\t to\t draw\t on\t a\t large\t repertoire\t of\t tactics,\t ranging from\ta\tsimple\tplea,\tto\tseeking\tan\tally\tin\this\tmother\t(no\thelp,\tshe),\tto physically\t comforting\t him,\t to\t lending\t a\t helping\t hand,\t to\t distraction, threats,\tand\tdirect\tcommands.\tNo\tdoubt\tJay\trelies\ton\tan\tarsenal\tthat has\t been\t tried\t with\t him\t in\t his\t own\t moments\t of\t distress.\t No\t matter. What\tcounts\tis\tthat\the\tcan\treadily\tput\tthem\tto\tuse\tin\ta\tpinch\teven\tat this\tvery\tyoung\tage. Of\tcourse,\tas\tevery\tparent\tof\tyoung\tchildren\tknows,\tJay\u2019s\tdisplay\tof empathy\tand\tsoothing\tis\tby\tno\tmeans\tuniversal.\tIt\tis\tperhaps\tas\tlikely that\t a\t child\t his\t age\t will\t see\t a\t sibling\u2019s\t upset\t as\t a\t chance\t for vengeance,\tand\tso\tdo\twhatever\tit\ttakes\tto\tmake\tthe\tupset\teven\tworse. The\t same\t skills\t can\t be\t used\t to\t tease\t or\t torment\t a\t sibling.\t But\t even that\tmean-spiritedness\tbespeaks\tthe\temergence\tof\ta\tcrucial\temotional aptitude:\t the\t ability\t to\t know\t another\u2019s\t feelings\t and\t to\t act\t in\t a\t way that\t further\t shapes\t those\t feelings.\t Being\t able\t to\t manage\t emotions\t in someone\telse\tis\tthe\tcore\tof\tthe\tart\tof\thandling\trelationships. To\t manifest\t such\t interpersonal\t power,\t toddlers\t must\t first\t reach\t a benchmark\t of\t self-control,\t the\t beginnings\t of\t the\t capacity\t to\t damp down\t their\t own\t anger\t and\t distress,\t their\t impulses\t and\t excitement\u2014 even\t if\t that\t ability\t usually\t falters.\t Attunement\t to\t others\t demands\t a modicum\tof\tcalm\tin\toneself.\tTentative\tsigns\tof\tthis\tability\tto\tmanage their\town\temotions\temerge\taround\tthis\tsame\tperiod:\ttoddlers\tbegin\tto be\t able\t to\t wait\t without\t wailing,\t to\t argue\t or\t cajole\t to\t get\t their\t way rather\tthan\tusing\tbrute\tforce\u2014even\tif\tthey\tdon\u2019t\talways\tchoose\tto\tuse this\t ability\t Patience\t emerges\t as\t an\t alternative\t to\t tantrums,\t at\t least occasionally.\t And\t signs\t of\t empathy\t emerge\t by\t age\t two;\t it\t was\t Jay\u2019s empathy,\t the\t root\t of\t compassion,\t that\t drove\t him\t to\t try\t so\t hard\t to cheer\t up\t his\t sobbing\t brother,\t Len.\t Thus\t handling\t emotions\t in someone\t else\u2014the\t fine\t art\t of\t relationships\u2014requires\t the\t ripeness\t of two\tother\temotional\tskills,\tself-management\tand\tempathy. With\t this\t base,\t the\t \u201cpeople\t skills\u201d\t ripen.\t These\t are\t the\t social competences\t that\t make\t for\t effectiveness\t in\t dealings\t with\t others; deficits\t here\t lead\t to\t ineptness\t in\t the\t social\t world\t or\t repeated","interpersonal\t disasters.\t Indeed,\t it\t is\t precisely\t the\t lack\t of\t these\t skills that\t can\t cause\t even\t the\t intellectually\t brightest\t to\t founder\t in\t their relationships,\tcoming\toff\tas\tarrogant,\tobnoxious,\tor\tinsensitive.\tThese social\t abilities\t allow\t one\t to\t shape\t an\t encounter,\t to\t mobilize\t and inspire\t others,\t to\t thrive\t in\t intimate\t relationships,\t to\t persuade\t and influence,\tto\tput\tothers\tat\tease. SHOW\tSOME\tEMOTION One\tkey\tsocial\tcompetence\tis\thow\twell\tor\tpoorly\tpeople\texpress\ttheir own\t feelings.\t Paul\t Ekman\t uses\t the\t term\t display\t rules\t for\t the\t social consensus\tabout\twhich\tfeelings\tcan\tbe\tproperly\tshown\twhen.\tCultures sometimes\tvary\ttremendously\tin\tthis\tregard.\tFor\texample,\tEkman\tand colleagues\t in\t Japan\t studied\t the\t facial\t reactions\t of\t students\t to\t a horrific\t film\t about\t ritual\t circumcisions\t of\t teenage\t Aborigines.\t When the\t Japanese\t students\t watched\t the\t film\t with\t an\t authority\t figure present,\t their\t faces\t showed\t only\t the\t slightest\t hints\t of\t reaction.\t But when\tthey\tthought\tthey\twere\talone\t(though\tthey\twere\tbeing\ttaped\tby a\t secret\t camera)\t their\t faces\t twisted\t into\t vivid\t mixes\t of\t anguished distress,\tdread,\tand\tdisgust. There\tare\tseveral\tbasic\tkinds\tof\tdisplay\trules.2\tOne\tis\tminimizing\tthe show\tof\temotion\u2014this\tis\tthe\tJapanese\tnorm\tfor\tfeelings\tof\tdistress\tin the\t presence\t of\t someone\t in\t authority,\t which\t the\t students\t were following\twhen\tthey\tmasked\ttheir\tupset\twith\ta\tpoker\tface.\tAnother\tis exaggerating\t what\t one\t feels\t by\t magnifying\t the\t emotional\t expression; this\t is\t the\t ploy\t used\t by\t the\t six-year-old\t who\t dramatically\t twists\t her face\t into\t a\t pathetic\t frown,\t lips\t quivering,\t as\t she\t runs\t to\t complain\t to her\t mother\t about\t being\t teased\t by\t her\t older\t brother.\t A\t third\t is substituting\tone\tfeeling\tfor\tanother;\tthis\tcomes\tinto\tplay\tin\tsome\tAsian cultures\t where\t it\t is\t impolite\t to\t say\t no,\t and\t positive\t (but\t false) assurances\t are\t given\t instead.\t How\t well\t one\t employs\t these\t strategies, and\tknows\twhen\tto\tdo\tso,\tis\tone\tfactor\tin\temotional\tintelligence. We\t learn\t these\t display\t rules\t very\t early,\t partly\t by\t explicit instruction.\t An\t education\t in\t display\t rules\t is\t imparted\t when\t we instruct\t a\t child\t not\t to\t seem\t disappointed,\t but\t to\t smile\t and\t say\t thank you\t instead,\t when\t Grandpa\t has\t given\t a\t dreadful\t but\t well-meant birthday\t present.\t This\t education\t in\t display\t rules,\t though,\t is\t more often\t through\t modeling:\t children\t learn\t to\t do\t what\t they\t see\t done.\t In educating\t the\t sentiments,\t emotions\t are\t both\t the\t medium\t and\t the","message.\t If\t a\t child\t is\t told\t to\t \u201csmile\t and\t say\t thank\t you\u201d\t by\t a\t parent who\tis,\tat\tthat\tmoment,\tharsh,\tdemanding,\tand\tcold\u2014who\thisses\tthe message\t instead\t of\t warmly\t whispering\t it\u2014the\t child\t is\t more\t likely\t to learn\t a\t very\t different\t lesson,\t and\t in\t fact\t respond\t to\t Grandpa\t with\t a frown\t and\t a\t curt,\t flat\t \u201cThank\t you.\u201d\t The\t effect\t on\t Grandpa\t is\t very different:\t in\t the\t first\t case\t he\u2019s\t happy\t (though\t misled);\t in\t the\t second he\u2019s\thurt\tby\tthe\tmixed\tmessage. Emotional\tdisplays,\tof\tcourse,\thave\timmediate\tconsequences\tin\tthe impact\t they\t make\t on\t the\t person\t who\t receives\t them.\t The\t rule\t being learned\tby\tthe\tchild\tis\tsomething\tlike,\t\u201cMask\tyour\treal\tfeelings\twhen they\t will\t hurt\t someone\t you\t love;\t substitute\t a\t phony,\t but\t less\t hurtful feeling\t instead.\u201d\t Such\t rules\t for\t expressing\t emotions\t are\t more\t than part\t of\t the\t lexicon\t of\t social\t propriety;\t they\t dictate\t how\t our\t own feelings\timpact\ton\teveryone\telse.\tTo\tfollow\tthese\trules\twell\tis\tto\thave optimal\timpact;\tto\tdo\tso\tpoorly\tis\tto\tfoment\temotional\thavoc. Actors,\t of\t course,\t are\t artists\t of\t the\t emotional\t display;\t their expressiveness\t is\t what\t evokes\t response\t in\t their\t audience.\t And,\t no doubt,\tsome\tof\tus\tcome\tinto\tlife\tas\tnatural\tactors.\tBut\tpartly\tbecause the\tlessons\twe\tlearn\tabout\tdisplay\trules\tvary\taccording\tto\tthe\tmodels we\u2019ve\thad,\tpeople\tdiffer\tgreatly\tin\ttheir\tadeptness. EXPRESSIVENESS\tAND\tEMOTIONAL\tCONTAGION It\t was\t early\t in\t the\t Vietnam\t War,\t and\t an\t American\t platoon\t was hunkered\t down\t in\t some\t rice\t paddies,\t in\t the\t heat\t of\t a\t firefight\t with the\t Vietcong.\t Suddenly\t a\t line\t of\t six\t monks\t started\t walking\t along\t the elevated\t berms\t that\t separated\t paddy\t from\t paddy.\t Perfectly\t calm\t and poised,\tthe\tmonks\twalked\tdirectly\ttoward\tthe\tline\tof\tfire. \u201cThey\t didn\u2019t\t look\t right,\t they\t didn\u2019t\t look\t left.\t They\t walked\t straight through,\u201d\t recalls\t David\t Busch,\t one\t of\t the\t American\t soldiers.\t \u201cIt\t was really\t strange,\t because\t nobody\t shot\t at\t \u2019em.\t And\t after\t they\t walked over\tthe\tberm,\tsuddenly\tall\tthe\tfight\twas\tout\tof\tme.\tIt\tjust\tdidn\u2019t\tfeel like\t I\t wanted\t to\t do\t this\t anymore,\t at\t least\t not\t that\t day.\t It\t must\t have been\t that\t way\t for\t everybody,\t because\t everybody\t quit.\t We\t just stopped\tfighting.\u201d3 The\tpower\tof\tthe\tmonks\u2019\tquietly\tcourageous\tcalm\tto\tpacify\tsoldiers in\tthe\theat\tof\tbattle\tillustrates\ta\tbasic\tprinciple\tof\tsocial\tlife:\tEmotions are\t contagious.\t To\t be\t sure,\t this\t tale\t marks\t an\t extreme.\t Most emotional\t contagion\t is\t far\t more\t subtle,\t part\t of\t a\t tacit\t exchange\t that","happens\tin\tevery\tencounter.\tWe\ttransmit\tand\tcatch\tmoods\tfrom\teach other\t in\t what\t amounts\t to\t a\t subterranean\t economy\t of\t the\t psyche\t in which\t some\t encounters\t are\t toxic,\t some\t nourishing.\t This\t emotional exchange\tis\ttypically\tat\ta\tsubtle,\talmost\timperceptible\tlevel;\tthe\tway\ta salesperson\t says\t thank\t you\t can\t leave\t us\t feeling\t ignored,\t resented,\t or genuinely\t welcomed\t and\t appreciated.\t We\t catch\t feelings\t from\t one another\tas\tthough\tthey\twere\tsome\tkind\tof\tsocial\tvirus. We\t send\t emotional\t signals\t in\t every\t encounter,\t and\t those\t signals affect\t those\t we\t are\t with.\t The\t more\t adroit\t we\t are\t socially,\t the\t better we\t control\t the\t signals\t we\t send;\t the\t reserve\t of\t polite\t society\t is,\t after all,\t simply\t a\t means\t to\t ensure\t that\t no\t disturbing\t emotional\t leakage will\t unsettle\t the\t encounter\t (a\t social\t rule\t that,\t when\t brought\t into\t the domain\t of\t intimate\t relationships,\t is\t stifling).\t Emotional\t intelligence includes\tmanaging\tthis\texchange;\t\u201cpopular\u201d\tand\t\u201ccharming\u201d\tare\tterms we\t use\t for\t people\t whom\t we\t like\t to\t be\t with\t because\t their\t emotional skills\t make\t us\t feel\t good.\t People\t who\t are\t able\t to\t help\t others\t soothe their\t feelings\t have\t an\t especially\t valued\t social\t commodity;\t they\t are the\t souls\t others\t turn\t to\t when\t in\t greatest\t emotional\t need.\t We\t are\t all part\t of\t each\t other\u2019s\t tool\t kit\t for\t emotional\t change,\t for\t better\t or\t for worse. Consider\t a\t remarkable\t demonstration\t of\t the\t subtlety\t with\t which emotions\tpass\tfrom\tone\tperson\tto\tanother.\tIn\ta\tsimple\texperiment\ttwo volunteers\t filled\t out\t a\t checklist\t about\t their\t moods\t at\t the\t moment, then\t simply\t sat\t facing\t each\t other\t quietly\t while\t waiting\t for\t an experimenter\tto\treturn\tto\tthe\troom.\tTwo\tminutes\tlater\tshe\tcame\tback and\t asked\t them\t to\t fill\t out\t a\t mood\t checklist\t again.\t The\t pairs\t were purposely\t composed\t of\t one\t partner\t who\t was\t highly\t expressive\t of emotion\t and\t one\t who\t was\t deadpan.\t Invariably\t the\t mood\t of\t the\t one who\t was\t more\t expressive\t of\t emotions\t had\t been\t transferred\t to\t the more\tpassive\tpartner.4 How\t does\t this\t magical\t transmission\t occur?\t The\t most\t likely\t answer is\t that\t we\t unconsciously\t imitate\t the\t emotions\t we\t see\t displayed\t by someone\t else,\t through\t an\t out-of-awareness\t motor\t mimicry\t of\t their facial\texpression,\tgestures,\ttone\tof\tvoice,\tand\tother\tnonverbal\tmarkers of\temotion.\tThrough\tthis\timitation\tpeople\tre-create\tin\tthemselves\tthe mood\t of\t the\t other\t person\u2014a\t low-key\t version\t of\t the\t Stanislavsky method,\t in\t which\t actors\t recall\t gestures,\t movements,\t and\t other expressions\tof\tan\temotion\tthey\thave\tfelt\tstrongly\tin\tthe\tpast\tin\torder to\tevoke\tthose\tfeelings\tonce\tagain. The\t day-to-day\t imitation\t of\t feeling\t is\t ordinarily\t quite\t subtle.\t Ulf","Dimberg,\t a\t Swedish\t researcher\t at\t the\t University\t of\t Uppsala,\t found that\t when\t people\t view\t a\t smiling\t or\t angry\t face,\t their\t own\t faces\t show evidence\t of\t that\t same\t mood\t through\t slight\t changes\t in\t the\t facial muscles.\t The\t changes\t are\t evident\t through\t electronic\t sensors\t but\t are typically\tnot\tvisible\tto\tthe\tnaked\teye. When\t two\t people\t interact,\t the\t direction\t of\t mood\t transfer\t is\t from the\tone\twho\tis\tmore\tforceful\tin\texpressing\tfeelings\tto\tthe\tone\twho\tis more\t passive.\t But\t some\t people\t are\t particularly\t susceptible\t to emotional\t contagion;\t their\t innate\t sensitivity\t makes\t their\t autonomic nervous\tsystem\t(a\tmarker\tof\temotional\tactivity)\tmore\teasily\ttriggered. This\t lability\t seems\t to\t make\t them\t more\t impressionable;\t sentimental commercials\t can\t move\t them\t to\t tears,\t while\t a\t quick\t chat\t with someone\t who\t is\t feeling\t cheerful\t can\t buoy\t them\t (it\t also\t may\t make them\tmore\tempathic,\tsince\tthey\tare\tmore\treadily\tmoved\tby\tsomeone else\u2019s\tfeelings). John\t Cacioppo,\t the\t social\t psychophysiologist\t at\t Ohio\t State University\t who\t has\t studied\t this\t subtle\t emotional\t exchange,\t observes, \u201cJust\t seeing\t someone\t express\t an\t emotion\t can\t evoke\t that\t mood, whether\t you\t realize\t you\t mimic\t the\t facial\t expression\t or\t not.\t This happens\t to\t us\t all\t the\t time\u2014there\u2019s\t a\t dance,\t a\t synchrony,\t a transmission\t of\t emotions.\t This\t mood\t synchrony\t determines\t whether you\tfeel\tan\tinteraction\twent\twell\tor\tnot.\u201d The\t degree\t of\t emotional\t rapport\t people\t feel\t in\t an\t encounter\t is mirrored\tby\thow\ttightly\torchestrated\ttheir\tphysical\tmovements\tare\tas they\t talk\u2014an\t index\t of\t closeness\t that\t is\t typically\t out\t of\t awareness. One\tperson\tnods\tjust\tas\tthe\tother\tmakes\ta\tpoint,\tor\tboth\tshift\tin\ttheir chairs\t at\t the\t same\t moment,\t or\t one\t leans\t forward\t as\t the\t other\t moves back.\t The\t orchestration\t can\t be\t as\t subtle\t as\t both\t people\t rocking\t in swivel\t chairs\t at\t the\t same\t rhythm.\t Just\t as\t Daniel\t Stern\t found\t in watching\t the\t synchrony\t between\t attuned\t mothers\t and\t their\t infants, the\t same\t reciprocity\t links\t the\t movements\t of\t people\t who\t feel emotional\trapport. This\t synchrony\t seems\t to\t facilitate\t the\t sending\t and\t receiving\t of moods,\t even\t if\t the\t moods\t are\t negative.\t For\t example,\t in\t one\t study\t of physical\tsynchrony,\twomen\twho\twere\tdepressed\tcame\tto\ta\tlaboratory with\t their\t romantic\t partners,\t and\t discussed\t a\t problem\t in\t their relationship.\t The\t more\t synchrony\t between\t the\t partners\t at\t the nonverbal\t level,\t the\t worse\t the\t depressed\t women\u2019s\t partners\t felt\t after the\t discussion\u2014they\t had\t caught\t their\t girlfriends\u2019\t bad\t moods.5\t In short,\t whether\t people\t feel\t upbeat\t or\t down,\t the\t more\t physically","attuned\ttheir\tencounter,\tthe\tmore\tsimilar\ttheir\tmoods\twill\tbecome. The\t synchrony\t between\t teachers\t and\t students\t indicates\t how\t much rapport\t they\t feel;\t studies\t in\t classrooms\t show\t that\t the\t closer\t the movement\t coordination\t between\t teacher\t and\t student,\t the\t more\t they felt\t friendly,\t happy,\t enthused,\t interested,\t and\t easygoing\t while interacting.\t In\t general,\t a\t high\t level\t of\t synchrony\t in\t an\t interaction means\tthe\tpeople\tinvolved\tlike\teach\tother.\tFrank\tBernieri,\tthe\tOregon State\t University\t psychologist\t who\t did\t these\t studies,\t told\t me,\t \u201cHow awkward\t or\t comfortable\t you\t feel\t with\t someone\t is\t at\t some\t level physical.\t You\t need\t to\t have\t compatible\t timing,\t to\t coordinate\t your movements,\t to\t feel\t comfortable.\t Synchrony\t reflects\t the\t depth\t of engagement\t between\t the\t partners;\t if\t you\u2019re\t highly\t engaged,\t your moods\tbegin\tto\tmesh,\twhether\tpositive\tor\tnegative.\u201d In\tshort,\tcoordination\tof\tmoods\tis\tthe\tessence\tof\trapport,\tthe\tadult version\t of\t the\t attunement\t a\t mother\t has\t with\t her\t infant.\t One determinant\tof\tinterpersonal\teffectiveness,\tCacioppo\tproposes,\tis\thow deftly\tpeople\tcarry\tout\tthis\temotional\tsynchrony.\tIf\tthey\tare\tadept\tat attuning\tto\tpeople\u2019s\tmoods,\tor\tcan\teasily\tbring\tothers\tunder\tthe\tsway of\t their\t own,\t then\t their\t interactions\t will\t go\t more\t smoothly\t at\t the emotional\tlevel.\tThe\tmark\tof\ta\tpowerful\tleader\tor\tperformer\tis\tbeing able\t to\t move\t an\t audience\t of\t thousands\t in\t this\t way.\t By\t the\t same token,\tCacioppo\tpoints\tout\tthat\tpeople\twho\tare\tpoor\tat\treceiving\tand sending\t emotions\t are\t prone\t to\t problems\t in\t their\t relationships,\t since people\t often\t feel\t uncomfortable\t with\t them,\t even\t if\t they\t can\u2019t articulate\tjust\twhy\tthis\tis\tso. Setting\tthe\temotional\ttone\tof\tan\tinteraction\tis,\tin\ta\tsense,\ta\tsign\tof dominance\t at\t a\t deep\t and\t intimate\t level:\t it\t means\t driving\t the emotional\tstate\tof\tthe\tother\tperson.\tThis\tpower\tto\tdetermine\temotion is\t akin\t to\t what\t is\t called\t in\t biology\t a\t Zeitgeber\t (literally,\t \u201ctime- grabber\u201d),\t a\t process\t (such\t as\t the\t day-night\t cycle\t or\t the\t monthly phases\t of\t the\t moon)\t that\t entrains\t biological\t rhythms.\t For\t a\t couple dancing,\t the\t music\t is\t a\t bodily\t zeitgeber.\t When\t it\t comes\t to\t personal encounters,\tthe\tperson\twho\thas\tthe\tmore\tforceful\texpressivity\u2014or\tthe most\t power\u2014is\t typically\t the\t one\t whose\t emotions\t entrain\t the\t other. Dominant\t partners\t talk\t more,\t while\t the\t subordinate\t partner\t watches the\t other\u2019s\t face\t more\u2014a\t setup\t for\t the\t transmission\t of\t affect.\t By\t the same\t token,\t the\t forcefulness\t of\t a\t good\t speaker\u2014a\t politician\t or\t an evangelist,\tsay\u2014works\tto\tentrain\tthe\temotions\tof\tthe\taudience.6\tThat is\t what\t we\t mean\t by,\t \u201cHe\t had\t them\t in\t the\t palm\t of\t his\t hand.\u201d Emotional\tentrainment\tis\tthe\theart\tof\tinfluence.","THE\tRUDIMENTS\tOF\tSOCIAL\tINTELLIGENCE It\u2019s\t recess\t at\t a\t preschool,\t and\t a\t band\t of\t boys\t is\t running\t across\t the grass.\t Reggie\t trips,\t hurts\t his\t knee,\t and\t starts\t crying,\t but\t the\t other boys\t keep\t right\t on\t running\u2014save\t for\t Roger,\t who\t stops.\t As\t Reggie\u2019s sobs\t subside\t Roger\t reaches\t down\t and\t rubs\t his\t own\t knee,\t calling\t out, \u201cI\thurt\tmy\tknee,\ttoo!\u201d Roger\t is\t cited\t as\t having\t exemplary\t interpersonal\t intelligence\t by Thomas\t Hatch,\t a\t colleague\t of\t Howard\t Gardner\t at\t Spectrum,\t the school\t based\t on\t the\t concept\t of\t multiple\t intelligences.7\t Roger,\t it seems,\tis\tunusually\tadept\tat\trecognizing\tthe\tfeelings\tof\this\tplaymates and\t making\t rapid,\t smooth\t connections\t with\t them.\t It\t was\t only\t Roger who\t noticed\t Reggie\u2019s\t plight\t and\t pain,\t and\t only\t Roger\t who\t tried\t to provide\t some\t solace,\t even\t if\t all\t he\t could\t offer\t was\t rubbing\t his\t own knee.\t This\t small\t gesture\t bespeaks\t a\t talent\t for\t rapport,\t an\t emotional skill\tessential\tfor\tthe\tpreservation\tof\tclose\trelationships,\twhether\tin\ta marriage,\t a\t friendship,\t or\t a\t business\t partnership.\t Such\t skills\t in preschoolers\tare\tthe\tbuds\tof\ttalents\tthat\tripen\tthrough\tlife. Roger\u2019s\t talent\t represents\t one\t of\t four\t separate\t abilities\t that\t Hatch and\tGardner\tidentify\tas\tcomponents\tof\tinterpersonal\tintelligence: \u2022\t Organizing\t groups\u2014the\t essential\t skill\t of\t the\t leader,\t this\t involves initiating\t and\t coordinating\t the\t efforts\t of\t a\t network\t of\t people.\t This\t is the\t talent\t seen\t in\t theater\t directors\t or\t producers,\t in\t military\t officers, and\t in\t effective\t heads\t of\t organizations\t and\t units\t of\t all\t kinds.\t On\t the playground,\t this\t is\t the\t child\t who\t takes\t the\t lead\t in\t deciding\t what everyone\twill\tplay,\tor\tbecomes\tteam\tcaptain. \u2022\t Negotiating\t solutions\u2014the\t talent\t of\t the\t mediator,\t preventing conflicts\tor\tresolving\tthose\tthat\tflare\tup.\tPeople\twho\thave\tthis\tability excel\tin\tdeal-making,\tin\tarbitrating\tor\tmediating\tdisputes;\tthey\tmight have\ta\tcareer\tin\tdiplomacy,\tin\tarbitration\tor\tlaw,\tor\tas\tmiddlemen\tor managers\t of\t takeovers.\t These\t are\t the\t kids\t who\t settle\t arguments\t on the\tplaying\tfield. \u2022\t Personal\t connection\u2014Roger\u2019s\t talent,\t that\t of\t empathy\t and connecting.\t This\t makes\t it\t easy\t to\t enter\t into\t an\t encounter\t or\t to recognize\tand\trespond\tfittingly\tto\tpeople\u2019s\tfeelings\tand\tconcerns\u2014the art\t of\t relationship.\t Such\t people\t make\t good\t \u201cteam\t players,\u201d dependable\tspouses,\tgood\tfriends\tor\tbusiness\tpartners;\tin\tthe\tbusiness world\t they\t do\t well\t as\t salespeople\t or\t managers,\t or\t can\t be\t excellent teachers.\t Children\t like\t Roger\t get\t along\t well\t with\t virtually\t everyone","else,\t easily\t enter\t into\t playing\t with\t them,\t and\t are\t happy\t doing\t so. These\t children\t tend\t to\t be\t best\t at\t reading\t emotions\t from\t facial expressions\tand\tare\tmost\tliked\tby\ttheir\tclassmates. \u2022\t Social\t analysis\u2014being\t able\t to\t detect\t and\t have\t insights\t about people\u2019s\t feelings,\t motives,\t and\t concerns.\t This\t knowledge\t of\t how others\t feel\t can\t lead\t to\t an\t easy\t intimacy\t or\t sense\t of\t rapport.\t At\t its best,\tthis\tability\tmakes\tone\ta\tcompetent\ttherapist\tor\tcounselor\u2014or,\tif combined\twith\tsome\tliterary\ttalent,\ta\tgifted\tnovelist\tor\tdramatist. Taken\ttogether,\tthese\tskills\tare\tthe\tstuff\tof\tinterpersonal\tpolish,\tthe necessary\tingredients\tfor\tcharm,\tsocial\tsuccess,\teven\tcharisma.\tThose who\t are\t adept\t in\t social\t intelligence\t can\t connect\t with\t people\t quite smoothly,\t be\t astute\t in\t reading\t their\t reactions\t and\t feelings,\t lead\t and organize,\t and\t handle\t the\t disputes\t that\t are\t bound\t to\t flare\t up\t in\t any human\t activity.\t They\t are\t the\t natural\t leaders,\t the\t people\t who\t can express\t the\t unspoken\t collective\t sentiment\t and\t articulate\t it\t so\t as\t to guide\ta\tgroup\ttoward\tits\tgoals.\tThey\tare\tthe\tkind\tof\tpeople\tothers\tlike to\tbe\twith\tbecause\tthey\tare\temotionally\tnourishing\u2014they\tleave\tother people\tin\ta\tgood\tmood,\tand\tevoke\tthe\tcomment,\t\u201cWhat\ta\tpleasure\tto be\taround\tsomeone\tlike\tthat.\u201d These\tinterpersonal\tabilities\tbuild\ton\tother\temotional\tintelligences. People\t who\t make\t an\t excellent\t social\t impression,\t for\t example,\t are adept\t at\t monitoring\t their\t own\t expression\t of\t emotion,\t are\t keenly attuned\tto\tthe\tways\tothers\tare\treacting,\tand\tso\tare\table\tto\tcontinually fine-tune\t their\t social\t performance,\t adjusting\t it\t to\t make\t sure\t they\t are having\tthe\tdesired\teffect.\tIn\tthat\tsense,\tthey\tare\tlike\tskilled\tactors. However,\t if\t these\t interpersonal\t abilities\t are\t not\t balanced\t by\t an astute\t sense\t of\t one\u2019s\t own\t needs\t and\t feelings\t and\t how\t to\t fulfill\t them, they\tcan\tlead\tto\ta\thollow\tsocial\tsuccess\u2014a\tpopularity\twon\tat\tthe\tcost of\t one\u2019s\t true\t satisfaction.\t Such\t is\t the\t argument\t of\t Mark\t Snyder,\t a University\t of\t Minnesota\t psychologist\t who\t has\t studied\t people\t whose social\t skills\t make\t them\t first-rate\t social\t chameleons,\t champions\t at making\ta\tgood\timpression.8\tTheir\tpsychological\tcredo\tmight\twell\tbe\ta remark\tby\tW.\tH.\tAuden,\twho\tsaid\tthat\this\tprivate\timage\tof\thimself\t\u201cis very\t different\t from\t the\t image\t which\t I\t try\t to\t create\t in\t the\t minds\t of others\tin\torder\tthat\tthey\tmay\tlove\tme.\u201d\tThat\ttrade-off\tcan\tbe\tmade\tif social\tskills\toutstrip\tthe\tability\tto\tknow\tand\thonor\tone\u2019s\town\tfeelings: in\t order\t to\t be\t loved\u2014or\t at\t least\t liked\u2014the\t social\t chameleon\t will seem\t to\t be\t whatever\t those\t he\t is\t with\t seem\t to\t want.\t The\t sign\t that someone\t falls\t into\t this\t pattern,\t Snyder\t finds,\t is\t that\t they\t make\t an","excellent\t impression,\t yet\t have\t few\t stable\t or\t satisfying\t intimate relationships.\t A\t more\t healthy\t pattern,\t of\t course,\t is\t to\t balance\t being true\tto\toneself\twith\tsocial\tskills,\tusing\tthem\twith\tintegrity. Social\tchameleons,\tthough,\tdon\u2019t\tmind\tin\tthe\tleast\tsaying\tone\tthing and\tdoing\tanother,\tif\tthat\twill\twin\tthem\tsocial\tapproval.\tThey\tsimply live\t with\t the\t discrepancy\t between\t their\t public\t face\t and\t their\t private reality.\tHelena\tDeutsch,\ta\tpsychoanalyst,\tcalled\tsuch\tpeople\tthe\t\u201cas-if personality,\u201d\tshifting\tpersonas\twith\tremarkable\tplasticity\tas\tthey\tpick up\t signals\t from\t those\t around\t them.\t \u201cFor\t some\t people,\u201d\t Snyder\t told me,\t\u201cthe\tpublic\tand\tprivate\tperson\tmeshes\twell,\twhile\tfor\tothers\tthere seems\t to\t be\t only\t a\t kaleidoscope\t of\t changing\t appearances.\t They\t are like\t Woody\t Allen\u2019s\t character\t Zelig,\t madly\t trying\t to\t fit\t in\t with whomever\tthey\tare\twith.\u201d Such\t people\t try\t to\t scan\t someone\t for\t a\t hint\t as\t to\t what\t is\t wanted from\t them\t before\t they\t make\t a\t response,\t rather\t than\t simply\t saying what\t they\t truly\t feel.\t To\t get\t along\t and\t be\t liked,\t they\t are\t willing\t to make\tpeople\tthey\tdislike\tthink\tthey\tare\tfriendly\twith\tthem.\tAnd\tthey use\t their\t social\t abilities\t to\t mold\t their\t actions\t as\t disparate\t social situations\t demand,\t so\t that\t they\t may\t act\t like\t very\t different\t people depending\t on\t whom\t they\t are\t with,\t swinging\t from\t bubbly\t sociability, say,\tto\treserved\twithdrawal.\tTo\tbe\tsure,\tto\tthe\textent\tthat\tthese\ttraits lead\t to\t effective\t impression\t management,\t they\t are\t highly\t prized\t in certain\t professions,\t notably\t acting,\t trial\t law,\t sales,\t diplomacy,\t and politics. Another,\t perhaps\t more\t crucial\t kind\t of\t self-monitoring\t seems\t to make\t the\t difference\t between\t those\t who\t end\t up\t as\t anchorless\t social chameleons,\t trying\t to\t impress\t everyone,\t and\t those\t who\t can\t use\t their social\t polish\t more\t in\t keeping\t with\t their\t true\t feelings.\t That\t is\t the capacity\t to\t be\t true,\t as\t the\t saying\t has\t it,\t \u201cto\t thine\t own\t self,\u201d\t which allows\t acting\t in\t accord\t with\t one\u2019s\t deepest\t feelings\t and\t values\t no matter\t what\t the\t social\t consequences.\t Such\t emotional\t integrity\t could well\t lead\t to,\t say,\t deliberately\t provoking\t a\t confrontation\t in\t order\t to cut\t through\t duplicity\t or\t denial\u2014a\t clearing\t of\t the\t air\t that\t a\t social chameleon\twould\tnever\tattempt. THE\tMAKING\tOF\tA\tSOCIAL\tINCOMPETENT There\twas\tno\tdoubt\tCecil\twas\tbright;\the\twas\ta\tcollege-trained\texpert in\t foreign\t languages,\t superb\t at\t translating.\t But\t there\t were\t crucial","ways\t in\t which\t he\t was\t completely\t inept.\t Cecil\t seemed\t to\t lack\t the simplest\t social\t skills.\t He\t would\t muff\t a\t casual\t conversation\t over coffee,\t and\t fumble\t when\t having\t to\t pass\t the\t time\t of\t day;\t in\t short,\t he seemed\t incapable\t of\t the\t most\t routine\t social\t exchange.\t Because\t his lack\t of\t social\t grace\t was\t most\t profound\t when\t he\t was\t around\t women, Cecil\t came\t to\t therapy\t wondering\t if\t perhaps\t he\t had\t \u201chomosexual tendencies\t of\t an\t underlying\t nature,\u201d\t as\t he\t put\t it,\t though\t he\t had\t no such\tfantasies. The\treal\tproblem,\tCecil\tconfided\tto\this\ttherapist,\twas\tthat\the\tfeared that\t nothing\t he\t could\t say\t would\t be\t of\t any\t interest\t to\t anybody.\t This underlying\tfear\tonly\tcompounded\ta\tprofound\tpaucity\tof\tsocial\tgraces. His\tnervousness\tduring\tencounters\tled\thim\tto\tsnicker\tand\tlaugh\tat\tthe most\t awkward\t moments,\t even\t though\t he\t failed\t to\t laugh\t when someone\t said\t something\t genuinely\t funny.\t Cecil\u2019s\t awkwardness,\t he confided\t to\t his\t therapist,\t went\t back\t to\t childhood;\t all\t his\t life\t he\t had felt\t socially\t at\t ease\t only\t when\t he\t was\t with\t his\t older\t brother,\t who somehow\t helped\t ease\t things\t for\t him.\t But\t once\t he\t left\t home,\t his ineptitude\twas\toverwhelming;\the\twas\tsocially\tparalyzed. The\t tale\t is\t told\t by\t Lakin\t Phillips,\t a\t psychologist\t at\t George Washington\tUniversity,\twho\tproposes\tthat\tCecil\u2019s\tplight\tstems\tfrom\ta failure\t to\t learn\t in\t childhood\t the\t most\t elementary\t lessons\t of\t social interaction: What\tcould\tCecil\thave\tbeen\ttaught\tearlier?\tTo\tspeak\tdirectly\tto\tothers\twhen\tspoken\tto; to\t initiate\t social\t contact,\t not\t always\t wait\t for\t others;\t to\t carry\t on\t a\t conversation,\t not simply\t fall\t back\t on\t yes\t or\t no\t or\t other\t one-word\t replies;\t to\t express\t gratitude\t toward others,\t to\t let\t another\t person\t walk\t before\t one\t in\t passing\t through\t a\t door;\t to\t wait\t until one\tis\tserved\tsomething\t\u2026\tto\tthank\tothers,\tto\tsay\t\u201cplease,\u201d\tto\tshare,\tand\tall\tthe\tother elementary\tinteractions\twe\tbegin\tto\tteach\tchildren\tfrom\tage\t2\tonward.9 Whether\tCecil\u2019s\tdeficiency\twas\tdue\tto\tanother\u2019s\tfailure\tto\tteach\thim such\t rudiments\t of\t social\t civility\t or\t to\t his\t own\t inability\t to\t learn\t is unclear.\t But\t whatever\t its\t roots,\t Cecil\u2019s\t story\t is\t instructive\t because\t it points\t up\t the\t crucial\t nature\t of\t the\t countless\t lessons\t children\t get\t in interaction\tsynchrony\tand\tthe\tunspoken\trules\tof\tsocial\tharmony.\tThe net\t effect\t of\t failing\t to\t follow\t these\t rules\t is\t to\t create\t waves,\t to\t make those\taround\tus\tuncomfortable.\tThe\tfunction\tof\tthese\trules,\tof\tcourse, is\t to\t keep\t everyone\t involved\t in\t a\t social\t exchange\t at\t ease; awkwardness\t spawns\t anxiety.\t People\t who\t lack\t these\t skills\t are\t inept not\t just\t at\t social\t niceties,\t but\t at\t handling\t the\t emotions\t of\t those\t they","encounter;\tthey\tinevitably\tleave\tdisturbance\tin\ttheir\twake. We\t all\t have\t known\t Cecils,\t people\t with\t an\t annoying\t lack\t of\t social graces\u2014people\t who\t don\u2019t\t seem\t to\t know\t when\t to\t end\t a\t conversation or\tphone\tcall\tand\twho\tkeep\ton\ttalking,\toblivious\tto\tall\tcues\tand\thints to\tsay\tgood-bye;\tpeople\twhose\tconversation\tcenters\ton\tthemselves\tall the\t time,\t without\t the\t least\t interest\t in\t anyone\t else,\t and\t who\t ignore tentative\tattempts\tto\trefocus\ton\tanother\ttopic;\tpeople\twho\tintrude\tor ask\t \u201cnosy\u201d\t questions.\t These\t derailments\t of\t a\t smooth\t social\t trajectory all\tbespeak\ta\tdeficit\tin\tthe\trudimentary\tbuilding\tblocks\tof\tinteraction. Psychologists\t have\t coined\t the\t term\t dyssemia\t (from\t the\t Greek\t dys- for\t\u201cdifficulty\u201d\tand\tsemes\tfor\t\u201csignal\u201d)\tfor\twhat\tamounts\tto\ta\tlearning disability\t in\t the\t realm\t of\t nonverbal\t messages;\t about\t one\t in\t ten children\thas\tone\tor\tmore\tproblems\tin\tthis\trealm.10\t The\t problem\t can be\t in\t a\t poor\t sense\t of\t personal\t space,\t so\t that\t a\t child\t stands\t too\t close while\ttalking\tor\tspreads\ttheir\tbelongings\tinto\tother\tpeople\u2019s\tterritory; in\t interpreting\t or\t using\t body\t language\t poorly;\t in\t misinterpreting\t or misusing\tfacial\texpressions\tby,\tsay,\tfailing\tto\tmake\teye\tcontact;\tor\tin a\tpoor\tsense\tof\tprosody,\tthe\temotional\tquality\tof\tspeech,\tso\tthat\tthey talk\ttoo\tshrilly\tor\tflatly. Much\t research\t has\t focused\t on\t spotting\t children\t who\t show\t signs\t of social\tdeficiency,\tchildren\twhose\tawkwardness\tmakes\tthem\tneglected or\t rejected\t by\t their\t playmates.\t Apart\t from\t children\t who\t are\t spurned because\t they\t are\t bullies,\t those\t whom\t other\t children\t avoid\t are invariably\t deficient\t in\t the\t rudiments\t of\t face-to-face\t interaction, particularly\tthe\tunspoken\trules\tthat\tgovern\tencounters.\tIf\tchildren\tdo poorly\tin\tlanguage,\tpeople\tassume\tthey\tare\tnot\tvery\tbright\tor\tpoorly educated;\t but\t when\t they\t do\t poorly\t in\t the\t nonverbal\t rules\t of interaction,\tpeople\u2014especially\tplaymates\u2014see\tthem\tas\t\u201cstrange,\u201d\tand avoid\t them.\t These\t are\t the\t children\t who\t don\u2019t\t know\t how\t to\t join\t a game\t gracefully,\t who\t touch\t others\t in\t ways\t that\t make\t for\t discomfort rather\t than\t camaraderie\u2014in\t short,\t who\t are\t \u201coff.\u201d\t They\t are\t children who\t have\t failed\t to\t master\t the\t silent\t language\t of\t emotion,\t and\t who unwittingly\tsend\tmessages\tthat\tcreate\tuneasiness. As\tStephen\tNowicki,\tan\tEmory\tUniversity\tpsychologist\twho\tstudies children\u2019s\t nonverbal\t abilities,\t put\t it,\t \u201cChildren\t who\t can\u2019t\t read\t or express\temotions\twell\tconstantly\tfeel\tfrustrated.\tIn\tessence,\tthey\tdon\u2019t understand\twhat\u2019s\tgoing\ton.\tThis\tkind\tof\tcommunication\tis\ta\tconstant subtext\t of\t everything\t you\t do;\t you\t can\u2019t\t stop\t showing\t your\t facial expression\t or\t posture,\t or\t hide\t your\t tone\t of\t voice.\t If\t you\t make mistakes\t in\t what\t emotional\t messages\t you\t send,\t you\t constantly","experience\t that\t people\t react\t to\t you\t in\t funny\t ways\u2014you\t get\t rebuffed and\t don\u2019t\t know\t why.\t If\t you\u2019re\t thinking\t you\u2019re\t acting\t happy\t but actually\tseem\ttoo\thyper\tor\tangry,\tyou\tfind\tother\tkids\tgetting\tangry\tat you\t in\t turn,\t and\t you\t don\u2019t\t realize\t why.\t Such\t kids\t end\t up\t feeling\t no sense\t of\t control\t over\t how\t other\t people\t treat\t them,\t that\t their\t actions have\t no\t impact\t on\t what\t happens\t to\t them.\t It\t leaves\t them\t feeling powerless,\tdepressed,\tand\tapathetic.\u201d Apart\t from\t becoming\t social\t isolates,\t such\t children\t also\t suffer academically.\t The\t classroom,\t of\t course,\t is\t as\t much\t a\t social\t situation as\tan\tacademic\tone;\tthe\tsocially\tawkward\tchild\tis\tas\tlikely\tto\tmisread and\tmisrespond\tto\ta\tteacher\tas\tto\tanother\tchild.\tThe\tresulting\tanxiety and\t bewilderment\t can\t themselves\t interfere\t with\t their\t ability\t to\t learn effectively.\t Indeed,\t as\t tests\t of\t children\u2019s\t nonverbal\t sensitivity\t have shown,\tthose\twho\tmisread\temotional\tcues\ttend\tto\tdo\tpoorly\tin\tschool compared\tto\ttheir\tacademic\tpotential\tas\treflected\tin\tIQ\ttests.11 \u201cWE\tHATE\tYOU\u201d:\tAT\tTHE\tTHRESHOLD Social\t ineptitude\t is\t perhaps\t most\t painful\t and\t explicit\t when\t it\t comes to\t one\t of\t the\t more\t perilous\t moments\t in\t the\t life\t of\t a\t young\t child: being\ton\tthe\tedge\tof\ta\tgroup\tat\tplay\tyou\twant\tto\tjoin.\tIt\tis\ta\tmoment of\tperil,\tone\twhen\tbeing\tliked\tor\thated,\tbelonging\tor\tnot,\tis\tmade\tall too\t public.\t For\t that\t reason\t that\t crucial\t moment\t has\t been\t the\t subject of\tintense\tscrutiny\tby\tstudents\tof\tchild\tdevelopment,\trevealing\ta\tstark contrast\tin\tapproach\tstrategies\tused\tby\tpopular\tchildren\tand\tby\tsocial outcasts.\t The\t findings\t highlight\t just\t how\t crucial\t it\t is\t for\t social competence\t to\t notice,\t interpret,\t and\t respond\t to\t emotional\t and interpersonal\t cues.\t While\t it\t is\t poignant\t to\t see\t a\t child\t hover\t on\t the edge\t of\t others\t at\t play,\t wanting\t to\t join\t in\t but\t being\t left\t out,\t it\t is\t a universal\tpredicament.\tEven\tthe\tmost\tpopular\tchildren\tare\tsometimes rejected\u2014a\tstudy\tof\tsecond\tand\tthird\tgraders\tfound\tthat\t26\tpercent\tof the\ttime\tthe\tmost\twell\tliked\tchildren\twere\trebuffed\twhen\tthey\ttried\tto enter\ta\tgroup\talready\tat\tplay. Young\t children\t are\t brutally\t candid\t about\t the\t emotional\t judgment implicit\t in\t such\t rejections.\t Witness\t the\t following\t dialogue\t from\t four- year-olds\t in\t a\t preschool.12\t Linda\t wants\t to\t join\t Barbara,\t Nancy,\t and Bill,\t who\t are\t playing\t with\t toy\t animals\t and\t building\t blocks.\t She watches\t for\t a\t minute,\t then\t makes\t her\t approach,\t sitting\t next\t to Barbara\t and\t starting\t to\t play\t with\t the\t animals.\t Barbara\t turns\t to\t her","and\tsays,\t\u201cYou\tcan\u2019t\tplay!\u201d \u201cYes,\tI\tcan,\u201d\tLinda\tcounters.\t\u201cI\tcan\thave\tsome\tanimals,\ttoo.\u201d \u201cNo,\tyou\tcan\u2019t,\u201d\tBarbara\tsays\tbluntly.\t\u201cWe\tdon\u2019t\tlike\tyou\ttoday.\u201d When\t Bill\t protests\t on\t Linda\u2019s\t behalf,\t Nancy\t joins\t the\t attack:\t \u201cWe hate\ther\ttoday.\u201d Because\t of\t the\t danger\t of\t being\t told,\t either\t explicitly\t or\t implicitly, \u201cWe\t hate\t you,\u201d\t all\t children\t are\t understandably\t cautious\t on\t the threshold\tof\tapproaching\ta\tgroup.\tThat\tanxiety,\tof\tcourse,\tis\tprobably not\t much\t different\t from\t that\t felt\t by\t a\t grown-up\t at\t a\t cocktail\t party with\t strangers\t who\t hangs\t back\t from\t a\t happily\t chatting\t group\t who seem\tto\tbe\tintimate\tfriends.\tBecause\tthis\tmoment\tat\tthe\tthreshold\tof\ta group\tis\tso\tmomentous\tfor\ta\tchild,\tit\tis\talso,\tas\tone\tresearcher\tput\tit, \u201chighly\t diagnostic\t \u2026\t quickly\t revealing\t differences\t in\t social skillfulness.\u201d13 Typically,\t newcomers\t simply\t watch\t for\t a\t time,\t then\t join\t in\t very tentatively\t at\t first,\t being\t more\t assertive\t only\t in\t very\t cautious\t steps. What\tmatters\tmost\tfor\twhether\ta\tchild\tis\taccepted\tor\tnot\tis\thow\twell he\tor\tshe\tis\table\tto\tenter\tinto\tthe\tgroup\u2019s\tframe\tof\treference,\tsensing what\tkind\tof\tplay\tis\tin\tflow,\twhat\tout\tof\tplace. The\ttwo\tcardinal\tsins\tthat\talmost\talways\tlead\tto\trejection\tare\ttrying to\t take\t the\t lead\t too\t soon\t and\t being\t out\t of\t synch\t with\t the\t frame\t of reference.\tBut\tthis\tis\texactly\twhat\tunpopular\tchildren\ttend\tto\tdo:\tthey push\ttheir\tway\tinto\ta\tgroup,\ttrying\tto\tchange\tthe\tsubject\ttoo\tabruptly or\ttoo\tsoon,\tor\toffering\ttheir\town\topinions,\tor\tsimply\tdisagreeing\twith the\t others\t right\t away\u2014all\t apparent\t attempts\t to\t draw\t attention\t to themselves.\t Paradoxically,\t this\t results\t in\t their\t being\t ignored\t or rejected.\tBy\tcontrast,\tpopular\tchildren\tspend\ttime\tobserving\tthe\tgroup to\t understand\t what\u2019s\t going\t on\t before\t entering\t in,\t and\t then\t do something\tthat\tshows\tthey\taccept\tit;\tthey\twait\tto\thave\ttheir\tstatus\tin the\t group\t confirmed\t before\t taking\t initiative\t in\t suggesting\t what\t the group\tshould\tdo. Let\u2019s\t return\t to\t Roger,\t the\t four-year-old\t whom\t Thomas\t Hatch spotted\texhibiting\ta\thigh\tlevel\tof\tinterpersonal\tintelligence.14\t Roger\u2019s tactic\t for\t entering\t a\t group\t was\t first\t to\t observe,\t then\t to\t imitate\t what another\tchild\twas\tdoing,\tand\tfinally\tto\ttalk\tto\tthe\tchild\tand\tfully\tjoin the\t activity\u2014a\t winning\t strategy.\t Roger\u2019s\t skill\t was\t shown,\t for instance,\t when\t he\t and\t Warren\t were\t playing\t at\t putting\t \u201cbombs\u201d (actually\tpebbles)\tin\ttheir\tsocks.\tWarren\tasks\tRoger\tif\the\twants\tto\tbe in\ta\thelicopter\tor\tan\tairplane.\tRoger\tasks,\tbefore\tcommitting\thimself, \u201cAre\tyou\tin\ta\thelicopter?\u201d","This\t seemingly\t innocuous\t moment\t reveals\t sensitivity\t to\t others\u2019 concerns,\t and\t the\t ability\t to\t act\t on\t that\t knowledge\t in\t a\t way\t that maintains\t the\t connection.\t Hatch\t comments\t about\t Roger,\t \u201cHe\t \u2018checks in\u2019\t with\t his\t playmate\t so\t that\t they\t and\t their\t play\t remain\t connected.\t I have\t watched\t many\t other\t children\t who\t simply\t get\t in\t their\t own helicopters\t or\t planes\t and,\t literally\t and\t figuratively,\t fly\t away\t from each\tother.\u201d EMOTIONAL\tBRILLIANCE:\tA\tCASE\tREPORT If\t the\t test\t of\t social\t skill\t is\t the\t ability\t to\t calm\t distressing\t emotions\t in others,\t then\t handling\t someone\t at\t the\t peak\t of\t rage\t is\t perhaps\t the ultimate\tmeasure\tof\tmastery.\tThe\tdata\ton\tself-regulation\tof\tanger\tand emotional\t contagion\t suggest\t that\t one\t effective\t strategy\t might\t be\t to distract\tthe\tangry\tperson,\tempathize\twith\this\tfeelings\tand\tperspective, and\t then\t draw\t him\t into\t an\t alternative\t focus,\t one\t that\t attunes\t him with\ta\tmore\tpositive\trange\tof\tfeeling\u2014a\tkind\tof\temotional\tjudo. Such\t refined\t skill\t in\t the\t fine\t art\t of\t emotional\t influence\t is\t perhaps best\t exemplified\t by\t a\t story\t told\t by\t an\t old\t friend,\t the\t late\t Terry Dobson,\t who\t in\t the\t 1950s\t was\t one\t of\t the\t first\t Americans\t ever\t to study\t the\t martial\t art\t aikido\t in\t Japan.\t One\t afternoon\t he\t was\t riding home\t on\t a\t suburban\t Tokyo\t train\t when\t a\t huge,\t bellicose,\t and\t very drunk\t and\t begrimed\t laborer\t got\t on.\t The\t man,\t staggering,\t began terrorizing\t the\t passengers:\t screaming\t curses,\t he\t took\t a\t swing\t at\t a woman\tholding\ta\tbaby,\tsending\ther\tsprawling\tin\tthe\tlaps\tof\tan\telderly couple,\t who\t then\t jumped\t up\t and\t joined\t a\t stampede\t to\t the\t other\t end of\t the\t car.\t The\t drunk,\t taking\t a\t few\t other\t swings\t (and,\t in\t his\t rage, missing),\tgrabbed\tthe\tmetal\tpole\tin\tthe\tmiddle\tof\tthe\tcar\twith\ta\troar and\ttried\tto\ttear\tit\tout\tof\tits\tsocket. At\tthat\tpoint\tTerry,\twho\twas\tin\tpeak\tphysical\tcondition\tfrom\tdaily eight-hour\t aikido\t workouts,\t felt\t called\t upon\t to\t intervene,\t lest someone\t get\t seriously\t hurt.\t But\t he\t recalled\t the\t words\t of\t his\t teacher: \u201cAikido\tis\tthe\tart\tof\treconciliation.\tWhoever\thas\tthe\tmind\tto\tfight\thas broken\t his\t connection\t with\t the\t universe.\t If\t you\t try\t to\t dominate people\tyou\tare\talready\tdefeated.\tWe\tstudy\thow\tto\tresolve\tconflict,\tnot how\tto\tstart\tit.\u201d Indeed,\t Terry\t had\t agreed\t upon\t beginning\t lessons\t with\t his\t teacher never\tto\tpick\ta\tfight,\tand\tto\tuse\this\tmartial-arts\tskills\tonly\tin\tdefense. Now,\tat\tlast,\the\tsaw\this\tchance\tto\ttest\this\taikido\tabilities\tin\treal\tlife,","in\t what\t was\t clearly\t a\t legitimate\t opportunity.\t So,\t as\t all\t the\t other passengers\t sat\t frozen\t in\t their\t seats,\t Terry\t stood\t up,\t slowly\t and\t with deliberation. Seeing\thim,\tthe\tdrunk\troared,\t\u201cAha!\tA\tforeigner!\tYou\tneed\ta\tlesson in\tJapanese\tmanners!\u201d\tand\tbegan\tgathering\thimself\tto\ttake\ton\tTerry. But\t just\t as\t the\t drunk\t was\t on\t the\t verge\t of\t making\t his\t move, someone\tgave\tan\tearsplitting,\toddly\tjoyous\tshout:\t\u201cHey!\u201d The\tshout\thad\tthe\tcheery\ttone\tof\tsomeone\twho\thas\tsuddenly\tcome upon\t a\t fond\t friend.\t The\t drunk,\t surprised,\t spun\t around\t to\t see\t a\t tiny Japanese\t man,\t probably\t in\t his\t seventies,\t sitting\t there\t in\t a\t kimono. The\t old\t man\t beamed\t with\t delight\t at\t the\t drunk,\t and\t beckoned\t him over\twith\ta\tlight\twave\tof\this\thand\tand\ta\tlilting\t\u201cC\u2019mere.\u201d The\t drunk\t strode\t over\t with\t a\t belligerent,\t \u201cWhy\t the\t hell\t should\t I talk\t to\t you?\u201d\t Meanwhile,\t Terry\t was\t ready\t to\t fell\t the\t drunk\t in\t a moment\tif\the\tmade\tthe\tleast\tviolent\tmove. \u201cWhat\u2019cha\tbeen\tdrinking?\u201d\tthe\told\tman\tasked,\this\teyes\tbeaming\tat the\tdrunken\tlaborer. \u201cI\t been\t drinking\t sake,\t and\t it\u2019s\t none\t of\t your\t business,\u201d\t the\t drunk bellowed. \u201cOh,\t that\u2019s\t wonderful,\t absolutely\t wonderful,\u201d\t the\t old\t man\t replied in\t a\t warm\t tone.\t \u201cYou\t see,\t I\t love\t sake,\t too.\t Every\t night,\t me\t and\t my wife\t(she\u2019s\tseventy-six,\tyou\tknow),\twe\twarm\tup\ta\tlittle\tbottle\tof\tsake and\t take\t it\t out\t into\t the\t garden,\t and\t we\t sit\t on\t an\t old\t wooden bench\t\u2026\u201d\tHe\tcontinued\ton\tabout\tthe\tpersimmon\ttree\tin\this\tbackyard, the\tfortunes\tof\this\tgarden,\tenjoying\tsake\tin\tthe\tevening. The\t drunk\u2019s\t face\t began\t to\t soften\t as\t he\t listened\t to\t the\t old\t man;\t his fists\t unclenched.\t \u201cYeah\t \u2026\t I\t love\t persimmons,\t too\t \u2026,\u201d\t he\t said,\t his voice\ttrailing\toff. \u201cYes,\u201d\t the\t old\t man\t replied\t in\t a\t sprightly\t voice,\t \u201cand\t I\u2019m\t sure\t you have\ta\twonderful\twife.\u201d \u201cNo,\u201d\tsaid\tthe\tlaborer.\t\u201cMy\twife\tdied.\u2026\u201d\tSobbing,\the\tlaunched\tinto a\t sad\t tale\t of\t losing\t his\t wife,\t his\t home,\t his\t job,\t of\t being\t ashamed\t of himself. Just\t then\t the\t train\t came\t to\t Terry\u2019s\t stop,\t and\t as\t he\t was\t getting\t off he\t turned\t to\t hear\t the\t old\t man\t invite\t the\t drunk\t to\t join\t him\t and\t tell him\tall\tabout\tit,\tand\tto\tsee\tthe\tdrunk\tsprawl\talong\tthe\tseat,\this\thead in\tthe\told\tman\u2019s\tlap. That\tis\temotional\tbrilliance."]
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