["improves\t the\t signal-to-noise\t ratio\t in\t the\t brain\t by\t removing\t the\t cause of\t the\t \u201cnoise.\u201d\t This\t process\t is\t constant\t and\t quick;\t synaptic connections\t can\t form\t in\t a\t matter\t of\t hours\t or\t days.\t Experience, particularly\tin\tchildhood,\tsculpts\tthe\tbrain. The\t classic\t demonstration\t of\t the\t impact\t of\t experience\t on\t brain growth\twas\tby\tNobel\tPrize-winners\tThorsten\tWiesel\tand\tDavid\tHubel, both\t neuroscientists.10\t They\t showed\t that\t in\t cats\t and\t monkeys,\t there was\t a\t critical\t period\t during\t the\t first\t few\t months\t of\t life\t for\t the development\t of\t the\t synapses\t that\t carry\t signals\t from\t the\t eye\t to\t the visual\tcortex,\twhere\tthose\tsignals\tare\tinterpreted.\tIf\tone\teye\twas\tkept closed\tduring\tthat\tperiod,\tthe\tnumber\tof\tsynapses\tfrom\tthat\teye\tto\tthe visual\t cortex\t dwindled\t away,\t while\t those\t from\t the\t open\t eye multiplied.\t If\t after\t the\t critical\t period\t ended\t the\t closed\t eye\t was reopened,\t the\t animal\t was\t functionally\t blind\t in\t that\t eye.\t Although nothing\t was\t wrong\t with\t the\t eye\t itself,\t there\t were\t too\t few\t circuits\t to the\tvisual\tcortex\tfor\tsignals\tfrom\tthat\teye\tto\tbe\tinterpreted. In\t humans\t the\t corresponding\t critical\t period\t for\t vision\t lasts\t for\t the first\t six\t years\t of\t life.\t During\t this\t time\t normal\t seeing\t stimulates\t the formation\t of\t increasingly\t complex\t neural\t circuitry\t for\t vision\t that begins\tin\tthe\teye\tand\tends\tin\tthe\tvisual\tcortex.\tIf\ta\tchild\u2019s\teye\tis\ttaped closed\t for\t even\t a\t few\t weeks,\t it\t can\t produce\t a\t measurable\t deficit\t in the\t visual\t capacity\t of\t that\t eye.\t If\t a\t child\t has\t had\t one\t eye\t closed\t for several\tmonths\tduring\tthis\tperiod,\tand\tlater\thas\tit\trestored,\tthat\teye\u2019s vision\tfor\tdetail\twill\tbe\timpaired. A\t vivid\t demonstration\t of\t the\t impact\t of\t experience\t on\t the developing\t brain\t is\t in\t studies\t of\t \u201crich\u201d\t and\t \u201cpoor\u201d\t rats.11\t The\t \u201crich\u201d rats\t lived\t in\t small\t groups\t in\t cages\t with\t plenty\t of\t rat\t diversions\t such as\t ladders\t and\t treadmills.\t The\t \u201cpoor\u201d\t rats\t lived\t in\t cages\t that\t were similar\tbut\tbarren\tand\tlacking\tdiversions.\tOver\ta\tperiod\tof\tmonths\tthe neocortices\t of\t the\t rich\t rats\t developed\t far\t more\t complex\t networks\t of synaptic\t circuits\t interconnecting\t the\t neurons;\t the\t poor\t rats\u2019\t neuronal circuitry\t was\t sparse\t by\t comparison.\t The\t difference\t was\t so\t great\t that the\trich\trats\u2019\tbrains\twere\theavier,\tand,\tperhaps\tnot\tsurprisingly,\tthey were\t far\t smarter\t at\t solving\t mazes\t than\t the\t poor\t rats.\t Similar experiments\t with\t monkeys\t show\t these\t differences\t between\t those \u201crich\u201d\t and\t \u201cpoor\u201d\t in\t experience,\t and\t the\t same\t effect\t is\t sure\t to\t occur in\thumans. Psychotherapy\u2014that\t is,\t systematic\t emotional\t relearning\u2014stands\t as a\t case\t in\t point\t for\t the\t way\t experience\t can\t both\t change\t emotional patterns\tand\tshape\tthe\tbrain.\tThe\tmost\tdramatic\tdemonstration\tcomes","from\t a\t study\t of\t people\t being\t treated\t for\t obsessive-compulsive disorder.12\t One\t of\t the\t more\t common\t compulsions\t is\t hand\t washing, which\tcan\tbe\tdone\tso\toften,\teven\thundreds\tof\ttimes\tin\ta\tday,\tthat\tthe person\u2019s\t skin\t cracks.\t PET\t scan\t studies\t show\t that\t obsessive- compulsives\t have\t greater\t than\t normal\t activity\t in\t the\t prefrontal lobes.13 Half\t of\t the\t patients\t in\t the\t study\t received\t the\t standard\t drug treatment,\t fluoxetine\t (better\t known\t by\t the\t brand\t name\t Prozac),\t and half\t got\t behavior\t therapy.\t During\t the\t therapy\t they\t were systematically\t exposed\t to\t the\t object\t of\t their\t obsession\t or\t compulsion without\t performing\t it;\t patients\t with\t hand-washing\t compulsions\t were put\tat\ta\tsink,\tbut\tnot\tallowed\tto\twash.\tAt\tthe\tsame\ttime\tthey\tlearned to\t question\t the\t fears\t and\t dreads\t that\t spurred\t them\t on\u2014for\t example, that\t failure\t to\t wash\t would\t mean\t they\t would\t get\t a\t disease\t and\t die. Gradually,\t through\t months\t of\t such\t sessions,\t the\t compulsions\t faded, just\tas\tthey\tdid\twith\tthe\tmedication. The\t remarkable\t finding,\t though,\t was\t a\t PET\t scan\t test\t showing\t that the\t behavior\t therapy\t patients\t had\t as\t significant\t a\t decrease\t in\t the activity\t of\t a\t key\t part\t of\t the\t emotional\t brain,\t the\t caudate\t nucleus,\t as did\t the\t patients\t successfully\t treated\t with\t the\t drug\t fluoxetine.\t Their experience\t had\t changed\t brain\t function\u2014and\t relieved\t symptoms\u2014as effectively\tas\tthe\tmedication! CRUCIAL\tWINDOWS Of\t all\t species\t we\t humans\t take\t the\t longest\t for\t our\t brains\t to\t fully mature.\t While\t each\t area\t of\t the\t brain\t develops\t at\t a\t different\t rate during\t childhood,\t the\t onset\t of\t puberty\t marks\t one\t of\t the\t most sweeping\tperiods\tof\tpruning\tthroughout\tthe\tbrain.\tSeveral\tbrain\tareas critical\tfor\temotional\tlife\tare\tamong\tthe\tslowest\tto\tmature.\tWhile\tthe sensory\t areas\t mature\t during\t early\t childhood,\t and\t the\t limbic\t system by\t puberty,\t the\t frontal\t lobes\u2014seat\t of\t emotional\t self-control, understanding,\t and\t artful\t response\u2014continue\t to\t develop\t into\t late adolescence,\t until\t somewhere\t between\t sixteen\t and\t eighteen\t years\t of age.14 The\t habits\t of\t emotional\t management\t that\t are\t repeated\t over\t and over\t again\t during\t childhood\t and\t the\t teenage\t years\t will\t themselves help\t mold\t this\t circuitry.\t This\t makes\t childhood\t a\t crucial\t window\t of opportunity\t for\t shaping\t lifelong\t emotional\t propensities;\t habits","acquired\t in\t childhood\t become\t set\t in\t the\t basic\t synaptic\t wiring\t of neural\t architecture,\t and\t are\t harder\t to\t change\t later\t in\t life.\t Given\t the importance\t of\t the\t prefrontal\t lobes\t for\t managing\t emotion,\t the\t very long\t window\t for\t synaptic\t sculpting\t in\t this\t brain\t region\t may\t well mean\tthat,\tin\tthe\tgrand\tdesign\tof\tthe\tbrain,\ta\tchild\u2019s\texperiences\tover the\t years\t can\t mold\t lasting\t connections\t in\t the\t regulatory\t circuitry\t of the\t emotional\t brain.\t As\t we\t have\t seen,\t critical\t experiences\t include how\t dependable\t and\t responsive\t to\t the\t child\u2019s\t needs\t parents\t are,\t the opportunities\tand\tguidance\ta\tchild\thas\tin\tlearning\tto\thandle\ther\town distress\t and\t control\t impulse,\t and\t practice\t in\t empathy.\t By\t the\t same token,\t neglect\t or\t abuse,\t the\t misattunement\t of\t a\t self-absorbed\t or indifferent\t parent,\t or\t brutal\t discipline\t can\t leave\t their\t imprint\t on\t the emotional\tcircuitry.15 One\tof\tthe\tmost\tessential\temotional\tlessons,\tfirst\tlearned\tin\tinfancy and\t refined\t throughout\t childhood,\t is\t how\t to\t soothe\t oneself\t when upset.\t For\t very\t young\t infants,\t soothing\t comes\t from\t caretakers:\t a mother\t hears\t her\t infant\t crying,\t picks\t him\t up,\t holds\t and\t rocks\t him until\t he\t calms\t down.\t This\t biological\t attunement,\t some\t theorists propose,\t helps\t the\t child\t begin\t to\t learn\t how\t to\t do\t the\t same\t for himself.16\t During\t a\t critical\t period\t between\t ten\t and\t eighteen\t months, the\t orbitofrontal\t area\t of\t the\t prefrontal\t cortex\t is\t rapidly\t forming\t the connections\t with\t the\t limbic\t brain\t that\t will\t make\t it\t a\t key\t on\/off switch\t for\t distress.\t The\t infant\t who\t through\t countless\t episodes\t of being\t soothed\t is\t helped\t along\t in\t learning\t how\t to\t calm\t down,\t the speculation\t goes,\t will\t have\t stronger\t connections\t in\t this\t circuit\t for controlling\t distress,\t and\t so\t throughout\t life\t will\t be\t better\t at\t soothing himself\twhen\tupset. To\tbe\tsure,\tthe\tart\tof\tsoothing\toneself\tis\tmastered\tover\tmany\tyears, and\twith\tnew\tmeans,\tas\tbrain\tmaturation\toffers\ta\tchild\tprogressively more\t sophisticated\t emotional\t tools.\t Remember,\t the\t frontal\t lobes,\t so important\t for\t regulating\t limbic\t impulse,\t mature\t into\t adolescence.17 Another\t key\t circuit\t that\t continues\t to\t shape\t itself\t through\t childhood centers\ton\tthe\tvagus\tnerve,\twhich\tat\tone\tend\tregulates\tthe\theart\tand other\tparts\tof\tthe\tbody,\tand\tat\tthe\tother\tsends\tsignals\tto\tthe\tamygdala via\t other\t circuits,\t prompting\t it\t to\t secrete\t the\t catecholamines,\t which prime\t the\t fight-or-flight\t response.\t A\t University\t of\t Washington\t team that\t assessed\t the\t impact\t of\t childrearing\t discovered\t that\t emotionally adept\tparenting\tled\tto\ta\tchange\tfor\tthe\tbetter\tin\tvagus-nerve\tfunction. As\tJohn\tGottman,\tthe\tpsychologist\twho\tled\tthe\tresearch,\texplained, \u201cParents\tmodify\ttheir\tchildren\u2019s\tvagal\ttone\u201d\u2014a\tmeasure\tof\thow\teasily","triggered\tthe\tvagus\tnerve\tis\u2014\u201cby\tcoaching\tthem\temotionally:\ttalking to\t children\t about\t their\t feelings\t and\t how\t to\t understand\t them,\t not being\t critical\t and\t judgmental,\t problem-solving\t about\t emotional predicaments,\t coaching\t them\t on\t what\t to\t do,\t like\t alternatives\t to hitting,\t or\t to\t withdrawing\t when\t you\u2019re\t sad.\u201d\t When\t parents\t did\t this well,\t children\t were\t better\t able\t to\t suppress\t the\t vagal\t activity\t that keeps\tthe\tamygdala\tpriming\tthe\tbody\twith\tfight-or-flight\thormones\u2014 and\tso\twere\tbetter\tbehaved. It\tstands\tto\treason\tthat\tthe\tkey\tskills\tof\temotional\tintelligence\teach have\t critical\t periods\t extending\t over\t several\t years\t in\t childhood.\t Each period\t represents\t a\t window\t for\t helping\t that\t child\t instill\t beneficial emotional\t habits\t or,\t if\t missed,\t to\t make\t it\t that\t much\t harder\t to\t offer corrective\t lessons\t later\t in\t life.\t The\t massive\t sculpting\t and\t pruning\t of neural\t circuits\t in\t childhood\t may\t be\t an\t underlying\t reason\t why\t early emotional\t hardships\t and\t trauma\t have\t such\t enduring\t and\t pervasive effects\tin\tadulthood.\tIt\tmay\texplain,\ttoo,\twhy\tpsychotherapy\tcan\toften take\tso\tlong\tto\taffect\tsome\tof\tthese\tpatterns\u2014and\twhy,\tas\twe\u2019ve\tseen, even\t after\t therapy\t those\t patterns\t tend\t to\t remain\t as\t underlying propensities,\t though\t with\t an\t overlay\t of\t new\t insights\t and\t relearned responses. To\tbe\tsure,\tthe\tbrain\tremains\tplastic\tthroughout\tlife,\tthough\tnot\tto the\tspectacular\textent\tseen\tin\tchildhood.\tAll\tlearning\timplies\ta\tchange in\t the\t brain,\t a\t strengthening\t of\t synaptic\t connection.\t The\t brain changes\tin\tthe\tpatients\twith\tobsessive-compulsive\tdisorder\tshow\tthat emotional\t habits\t are\t malleable\t throughout\t life,\t with\t some\t sustained effort,\teven\tat\tthe\tneural\tlevel.\tWhat\thappens\twith\tthe\tbrain\tin\tPTSD (or\tin\ttherapy,\tfor\tthat\tmatter)\tis\tan\tanalog\tof\tthe\teffects\tall\trepeated or\tintense\temotional\texperiences\tbring,\tfor\tbetter\tor\tfor\tworse. Some\tof\tthe\tmost\ttelling\tof\tsuch\tlessons\tcome\tfrom\tparent\tto\tchild. There\tare\t very\t different\t emotional\t habits\t instilled\t by\t parents\t whose attunement\tmeans\tan\tinfant\u2019s\temotional\tneeds\tare\tacknowledged\tand met\t or\t whose\t discipline\t includes\t empathy,\t on\t the\t one\t hand,\t or\t self- absorbed\t parents\t who\t ignore\t a\t child\u2019s\t distress\t or\t who\t discipline capriciously\tby\tyelling\tand\thitting.\tMuch\tpsychotherapy\tis,\tin\ta\tsense, a\tremedial\ttutorial\tfor\twhat\twas\tskewed\tor\tmissed\tcompletely\tearlier in\t life.\t But\t why\t not\t do\t what\t we\t can\t to\t prevent\t that\t need,\t by\t giving children\t the\t nurturing\t and\t guidance\t that\t cultivates\t the\t essential emotional\tskills\tin\tthe\tfirst\tplace?","PART\tFIVE EMOTIONAL LITERACY","15 The\tCost\tof\tEmotional\tIlliteracy It\tbegan\tas\ta\tsmall\tdispute,\tbut\thad\tescalated.\tIan\tMoore,\ta\tsenior\tat Thomas\t Jefferson\t High\t School\t in\t Brooklyn,\t and\t Tyrone\t Sinkler,\t a junior,\t had\t had\t a\t falling-out\t with\t a\t buddy,\t fifteen-year-old\t Khalil Sumpter.\t Then\t they\t had\t started\t picking\t on\t him\t and\t making\t threats. Now\tit\texploded. Khalil,\t scared\t that\t Ian\t and\t Tyrone\t were\t going\t to\t beat\t him\t up, brought\t a\t .38\t caliber\t pistol\t to\t school\t one\t morning,\t and,\t fifteen\t feet from\t a\t school\t guard,\t shot\t both\t boys\t to\t death\t at\t point-blank\t range\t in the\tschool\u2019s\thallway. The\t incident,\t chilling\t as\t it\t is,\t can\t be\t read\t as\t yet\t another\t sign\t of\t a desperate\t need\t for\t lessons\t in\t handling\t emotions,\t settling disagreements\tpeaceably,\tand\tjust\tplain\tgetting\talong.\tEducators,\tlong disturbed\tby\tschoolchildren\u2019s\tlagging\tscores\tin\tmath\tand\treading,\tare realizing\tthere\tis\ta\tdifferent\tand\tmore\talarming\tdeficiency:\temotional illiteracy.1\t And\t while\t laudable\t efforts\t are\t being\t made\t to\t raise academic\t standards,\t this\t new\t and\t troubling\t deficiency\t is\t not\t being addressed\tin\tthe\tstandard\tschool\tcurriculum.\tAs\tone\tBrooklyn\tteacher put\t it,\t the\t present\t emphasis\t in\t schools\t suggests\t that\t \u201cwe\t care\t more about\t how\t well\t schoolchildren\t can\t read\t and\t write\t than\t whether they\u2019ll\tbe\talive\tnext\tweek.\u201d Signs\t of\t the\t deficiency\t can\t be\t seen\t in\t violent\t incidents\t such\t as\t the shooting\tof\tIan\tand\tTyrone,\tgrowing\tever\tmore\tcommon\tin\tAmerican schools.\t But\t these\t are\t more\t than\t isolated\t events;\t the\t heightening\t of the\t turmoil\t of\t adolescence\t and\t troubles\t of\t childhood\t can\t be\t read\t for the\t United\t States\u2014a\t bellwether\t of\t world\t trends\u2014in\t statistics\t such\t as these:2 In\t 1990,\t compared\t to\t the\t previous\t two\t decades,\t the\t United\t States saw\t the\t highest\t juvenile\t arrest\t rate\t for\t violent\t crimes\t ever;\t teen arrests\t for\t forcible\t rape\t had\t doubled;\t teen\t murder\t rates\t quadrupled, mostly\t due\t to\t an\t increase\t in\t shootings.3\t During\t those\t same\t two decades,\t the\t suicide\t rate\t for\t teenagers\t tripled,\t as\t did\t the\t number\t of children\tunder\tfourteen\twho\tare\tmurder\tvictims.4","More,\t and\t younger,\t teenage\t girls\t are\t getting\t pregnant.\t As\t of\t 1993 the\t birthrate\t among\t girls\t ten\t to\t fourteen\t has\t risen\t steadily\t for\t five years\t in\t a\t row\u2014some\t call\t it\t \u201cbabies\t having\t babies\u201d\u2014as\t has\t the proportion\t of\t unwanted\t teen\t pregnancies\t and\t peer\t pressure\t to\t have sex.\t Rates\t of\t venereal\t disease\t among\t teenagers\t have\t tripled\t over\t the last\tthree\tdecades.5 While\t these\t figures\t are\t discouraging,\t if\t the\t focus\t is\t on\t African- American\t youth,\t especially\t in\t the\t inner\t city,\t they\t are\t utterly\t bleak\u2014 all\t the\t rates\t are\t higher\t by\t far,\t sometimes\t doubled,\t sometimes\t tripled or\t higher.\t For\t example,\t heroin\t and\t cocaine\t use\t among\t white\t youth climbed\tabout\t300\tpercent\tover\tthe\ttwo\tdecades\tbefore\tthe\t1990s;\tfor African-American\tyouth\tit\tjumped\tto\ta\tstaggering\t13\ttimes\tthe\trate\tof twenty\tyears\tbefore.6 The\t most\t common\t cause\t of\t disability\t among\t teenagers\t is\t mental illness.\tSymptoms\tof\tdepression,\twhether\tmajor\tor\tminor,\taffect\tup\tto one\tthird\tof\tteenagers;\tfor\tgirls,\tthe\tincidence\tof\tdepression\tdoubles\tat puberty.\t The\t frequency\t of\t eating\t disorders\t in\t teenage\t girls\t has skyrocketed.7 Finally,\t unless\t things\t change,\t the\t long-term\t prospects\t for\t today\u2019s children\t marrying\t and\t having\t a\t fruitful,\t stable\t life\t together\t are growing\t more\t dismal\t with\t each\t generation.\t As\t we\t saw\t in\t Chapter\t 9, while\t during\t the\t 1970s\t and\t 1980s\t the\t divorce\t rate\t was\t around\t 50 percent,\tas\twe\tentered\tthe\t1990s\tthe\trate\tamong\tnewlyweds\tpredicted that\ttwo\tout\tof\tthree\tmarriages\tof\tyoung\tpeople\twould\tend\tin\tdivorce. AN\tEMOTIONAL\tMALAISE These\talarming\tstatistics\tare\tlike\tthe\tcanary\tin\tthe\tcoal\tminer\u2019s\ttunnel whose\t death\t warns\t of\t too\t little\t oxygen.\t Beyond\t such\t sobering numbers,\t the\t plight\t of\t today\u2019s\t children\t can\t be\t seen\t at\t more\t subtle levels,\t in\t day-to-day\t problems\t that\t have\t not\t yet\t blossomed\t into outright\t crises.\t Perhaps\t the\t most\t telling\t data\t of\t all\u2014a\t direct barometer\t of\t dropping\t levels\t of\t emotional\t competence\u2014are\t from\t a national\t sample\t of\t American\t children,\t ages\t seven\t to\t sixteen, comparing\ttheir\temotional\tcondition\tin\tthe\tmid-1970s\tand\tat\tthe\tend of\tthe\t1980s.8\tBased\ton\tparents\u2019\tand\tteachers\u2019\tassessments,\tthere\twas a\t steady\t worsening.\t No\t one\t problem\t stood\t out;\t all\t indicators\t simply crept\t steadily\t in\t the\t wrong\t direction.\t Children,\t on\t average,\t were doing\tmore\tpoorly\tin\tthese\tspecific\tways:","\u2022\t Withdrawal\t or\t social\t problems:\t preferring\t to\t be\t alone;\t being secretive;\tsulking\ta\tlot;\tlacking\tenergy;\tfeeling\tunhappy;\tbeing\toverly dependent \u2022\t Anxious\t and\t depressed:\t being\t lonely;\t having\t many\t fears\t and worries;\tneeding\tto\tbe\tperfect;\tfeeling\tunloved;\tfeeling\tnervous\tor\tsad and\tdepressed \u2022\tAttention\t or\t thinking\t problems:\t unable\t to\t pay\t attention\t or\t sit\t still; daydreaming;\t acting\t without\t thinking;\t being\t too\t nervous\t to concentrate;\t doing\t poorly\t on\t schoolwork;\t unable\t to\t get\t mind\t off thoughts \u2022\tDelinquent\t or\t aggressive:\t hanging\t around\t kids\t who\t get\t in\t trouble; lying\t and\t cheating;\t arguing\t a\t lot;\t being\t mean\t to\t other\t people; demanding\t attention;\t destroying\t other\t people\u2019s\t things;\t disobeying\t at home\t and\t at\t school;\t being\t stubborn\t and\t moody;\t talking\t too\t much; teasing\ta\tlot;\thaving\ta\thot\ttemper While\t any\t of\t these\t problems\t in\t isolation\t raises\t no\t eyebrows,\t taken as\ta\tgroup\tthey\tare\tbarometers\tof\ta\tsea\tchange,\ta\tnew\tkind\tof\ttoxicity seeping\t into\t and\t poisoning\t the\t very\t experience\t of\t childhood, signifying\tsweeping\tdeficits\tin\temotional\tcompetences.\tThis\temotional malaise\t seems\t to\t be\t a\t universal\t price\t of\t modern\t life\t for\t children. While\t Americans\t often\t decry\t their\t problems\t as\t particularly\t bad compared\t to\t other\t cultures\u2019,\t studies\t around\t the\t world\t have\t found rates\ton\ta\tpar\twith\tor\tworse\tthan\tin\tthe\tUnited\tStates.\tFor\texample,\tin the\t 1980s\t teachers\t and\t parents\t in\t the\t Netherlands,\t China,\t and Germany\t rated\t children\t at\t about\t the\t same\t level\t of\t problems\t as\t were found\t for\t American\t children\t in\t 1976.\t And\t some\t countries\t had children\t in\t worse\t shape\t than\t current\t U.S.\t levels,\t including\t Australia, France,\t and\t Thailand.\t But\t this\t may\t not\t remain\t true\t for\t long.\t The larger\t forces\t that\t propel\t the\t downward\t spiral\t in\t emotional competence\tseem\tto\tbe\tpicking\tup\tspeed\tin\tthe\tUnited\tStates\trelative to\tmany\tother\tdeveloped\tnations.9 No\tchildren,\trich\tor\tpoor,\tare\texempt\tfrom\trisk;\tthese\tproblems\tare universal,\t occurring\t in\t all\t ethnic,\t racial,\t and\t income\t groups.\t Thus while\t children\t in\t poverty\t have\t the\t worst\t record\t on\t indices\t of emotional\t skills,\t their\t rate\t of\t deterioration\t over\t the\t decades\t was\t no worse\tthan\tfor\tmiddle-class\tchildren\tor\tfor\twealthy\tchildren:\tall\tshow the\t same\t steady\t slide.\t There\t has\t also\t been\t a\t corresponding\t threefold rise\t in\t the\t number\t of\t children\t who\t have\t gotten\t psychological\t help","(perhaps\ta\tgood\tsign,\tsignaling\tthat\thelp\tis\tmore\tavailable),\tas\twell\tas a\t near\t doubling\t of\t the\t number\t of\t children\t who\t have\t enough emotional\tproblems\tthat\tthey\tshould\tget\tsuch\thelp\tbut\thave\tnot\t(a\tbad sign)\u2014from\tabout\t9\tpercent\tin\t1976\tto\t18\tpercent\tin\t1989. Urie\tBronfenbrenner,\tthe\teminent\tCornell\tUniversity\tdevelopmental psychologist\t who\t did\t an\t international\t comparison\t of\t children\u2019s\t well- being,\tsays:\t\u201cIn\tthe\tabsence\tof\tgood\tsupport\tsystems,\texternal\tstresses have\t become\t so\t great\t that\t even\t strong\t families\t are\t falling\t apart.\t The hecticness,\t instability,\t and\t inconsistency\t of\t daily\t family\t life\t are rampant\t in\t all\t segments\t of\t our\t society,\t including\t the\t well-educated and\t well-to-do.\t What\t is\t at\t stake\t is\t nothing\t less\t than\t the\t next generation,\t particularly\t males,\t who\t in\t growing\t up\t are\t especially vulnerable\t to\t such\t disruptive\t forces\t as\t the\t devastating\t effects\t of divorce,\tpoverty,\tand\tunemployment.\tThe\tstatus\tof\tAmerican\tchildren and\t families\t is\t as\t desperate\t as\t ever.\u2026\t We\t are\t depriving\t millions\t of children\tof\ttheir\tcompetence\tand\tmoral\tcharacter.\u201d10 This\t is\t not\t just\t an\t American\t phenomenon\t but\t a\t global\t one,\t with worldwide\t competition\t to\t drive\t down\t labor\t costs\t creating\t economic forces\tthat\tpress\ton\tthe\tfamily.\tThese\tare\ttimes\tof\tfinancially\tbesieged families\t in\t which\t both\t parents\t work\t long\t hours,\t so\t that\t children\t are left\tto\ttheir\town\tdevices\tor\tthe\tTV\tbaby-sits;\twhen\tmore\tchildren\tthan ever\tgrow\tup\tin\tpoverty;\twhen\tthe\tone-parent\tfamily\tis\tbecoming\tever more\t commonplace;\t when\t more\t infants\t and\t toddlers\t are\t left\t in\t day care\tso\tpoorly\trun\tthat\tit\tamounts\tto\tneglect.\tAll\tthis\tmeans,\teven\tfor well-intentioned\t parents,\t the\t erosion\t of\t the\t countless\t small, nourishing\t exchanges\t between\t parent\t and\t child\t that\t build\t emotional competences. If\tfamilies\tno\tlonger\tfunction\teffectively\tto\tput\tall\tour\tchildren\ton\ta firm\t footing\t for\t life,\t what\t are\t we\t to\t do?\t A\t more\t careful\t look\t at\t the mechanics\t of\t specific\t problems\t suggests\t how\t given\t deficits\t in emotional\t or\t social\t competences\t lay\t the\t foundation\t for\t grave problems\u2014and\thow\twell-aimed\tcorrectives\tor\tpreventives\tcould\tkeep more\tchildren\ton\ttrack. TAMING\tAGGRESSION In\t my\t elementary\t school\t the\t tough\t kid\t was\t Jimmy,\t a\t fourth\t grader when\tI\twas\tin\tfirst\tgrade.\tHe\twas\tthe\tkid\twho\twould\tsteal\tyour\tlunch money,\ttake\tyour\tbike,\tslug\tyou\tas\tsoon\tas\ttalk\tto\tyou.\tJimmy\twas\tthe","classic\tbully,\tstarting\tfights\twith\tthe\tleast\tprovocation,\tor\tnone\tat\tall. We\t all\t stood\t in\t awe\t of\t Jimmy\u2014and\t we\t all\t stood\t at\t a\t distance. Everyone\t hated\t and\t feared\t Jimmy;\t no\t one\t would\t play\t with\t him.\t It was\t as\t though\t everywhere\t he\t went\t on\t the\t playground\t an\t invisible bodyguard\tcleared\tkids\tout\tof\this\tway. Kids\tlike\tJimmy\tare\tclearly\ttroubled.\tBut\twhat\tmay\tbe\tless\tobvious is\t that\t being\t so\t flagrantly\t aggressive\t in\t childhood\t is\t a\t mark\t of emotional\t and\t other\t troubles\t to\t come.\t Jimmy\t was\t in\t jail\t for\t assault by\tthe\ttime\the\treached\tsixteen. The\t lifelong\t legacy\t of\t childhood\t aggressiveness\t in\t kids\t like\t Jimmy has\temerged\tfrom\tmany\tstudies.11\tAs\twe\thave\tseen,\tthe\tfamily\tlife\tof such\t aggressive\t children\t typically\t includes\t parents\t who\t alternate neglect\t with\t harsh\t and\t capricious\t punishments,\t a\t pattern\t that, perhaps\t understandably,\t makes\t the\t children\t a\t bit\t paranoid\t or combative. Not\t all\t angry\t children\t are\t bullies;\t some\t are\t withdrawn\t social outcasts\t who\t overreact\t to\t being\t teased\t or\t to\t what\t they\t perceive\t as slights\t or\t unfairness.\t But\t the\t one\t perceptual\t flaw\t that\t unites\t such children\t is\t that\t they\t perceive\t slights\t where\t none\t were\t intended, imagining\t their\t peers\t to\t be\t more\t hostile\t toward\t them\t than\t they actually\t are.\t This\t leads\t them\t to\t misperceive\t neutral\t acts\t as threatening\t ones\u2014an\t innocent\t bump\t is\t seen\t as\t a\t vendetta\u2014and\t to attack\t in\t return.\t That,\t of\t course,\t leads\t other\t children\t to\t shun\t them, isolating\t them\t further.\t Such\t angry,\t isolated\t children\t are\t highly sensitive\t to\t injustices\t and\t being\t treated\t unfairly.\t They\t typically\t see themselves\t as\t victims\t and\t can\t recite\t a\t list\t of\t instances\t when,\t say, teachers\t blamed\t them\t for\t doing\t something\t when\t in\t fact\t they\t were innocent.\t Another\t trait\t of\t such\t children\t is\t that\t once\t they\t are\t in\t the heat\tof\tanger\tthey\tcan\tthink\tof\tonly\tone\tway\tto\treact:\tby\tlashing\tout. These\t perceptual\t biases\t can\t be\t seen\t at\t work\t in\t an\t experiment\t in which\tbullies\tare\tpaired\twith\ta\tmore\tpeaceable\tchild\tto\twatch\tvideos. In\t one\t video,\t a\t boy\t drops\t his\t books\t when\t another\t knocks\t into\t him, and\t children\t standing\t nearby\t laugh;\t the\t boy\t who\t dropped\t the\t books gets\t angry\t and\t tries\t to\t hit\t one\t of\t those\t who\t laughed.\t When\t the\t boys who\t watched\t the\t video\t talk\t about\t it\t afterward,\t the\t bully\t always\t sees the\t boy\t who\t struck\t out\t as\t justified.\t Even\t more\t telling,\t when\t they have\t to\t rate\t how\t aggressive\t the\t boys\t were\t during\t their\t discussion\t of the\tvideo,\tthe\tbullies\tsee\tthe\tboy\twho\tknocked\tinto\tthe\tother\tas\tmore combative,\tand\tthe\tanger\tof\tthe\tboy\twho\tstruck\tout\tas\tjustified.12 This\tjump\tto\tjudgment\ttestifies\tto\ta\tdeep\tperceptual\tbias\tin\tpeople","who\tare\tunusually\taggressive:\tthey\tact\ton\tthe\tbasis\tof\tthe\tassumption of\t hostility\t or\t threat,\t paying\t too\t little\t attention\t to\t what\t is\t actually going\t on.\t Once\t they\t assume\t threat,\t they\t leapfrog\t to\t action.\t For instance,\t if\t an\t aggressive\t boy\t is\t playing\t checkers\t with\t another\t who moves\t a\t piece\t out\t of\t turn,\t he\u2019ll\t interpret\t the\t move\t as\t \u201ccheating\u201d without\t pausing\t to\t find\t out\t if\t it\t had\t been\t an\t innocent\t mistake.\t His presumption\t is\t of\t malevolence\t rather\t than\t innocence;\t his\t reaction\t is automatic\t hostility.\t Along\t with\t the\t knee-jerk\t perception\t of\t a\t hostile act\t is\t entwined\t an\t equally\t automatic\t aggression;\t instead\t of,\t say, pointing\tout\tto\tthe\tother\tboy\tthat\the\tmade\ta\tmistake,\the\twill\tjump\tto accusation,\t yelling,\t hitting.\t And\t the\t more\t such\t children\t do\t this,\t the more\t automatic\t aggression\t becomes\t for\t them,\t and\t the\t more\t the repertoire\tof\talternatives\u2014politeness,\tjoking\u2014shrinks. Such\t children\t are\t emotionally\t vulnerable\t in\t the\t sense\t that\t they have\t a\t low\t threshold\t for\t upset,\t getting\t peeved\t more\t often\t by\t more things;\tonce\tupset,\ttheir\tthinking\tis\tmuddled,\tso\tthat\tthey\tsee\tbenign acts\t as\t hostile\t and\t fall\t back\t on\t their\t overlearned\t habit\t of\t striking out.13 These\tperceptual\tbiases\ttoward\thostility\tare\talready\tin\tplace\tby\tthe early\t grades.\t While\t most\t children,\t and\t especially\t boys,\t are rambunctious\t in\t kindergarten\t and\t first\t grade,\t the\t more\t aggressive children\t fail\t to\t learn\t a\t modicum\t of\t self-control\t by\t second\t grade. Where\t other\t children\t have\t started\t to\t learn\t negotiation\t and compromise\t for\t playground\t disagreements,\t the\t bullies\t rely\t more\t and more\t on\t force\t and\t bluster.\t They\t pay\t a\t social\t price:\t within\t two\t or three\t hours\t of\t a\t first\t playground\t contact\t with\t a\t bully,\t other\t children already\tsay\tthey\tdislike\thim.14 But\t studies\t that\t have\t followed\t children\t from\t the\t preschool\t years into\t the\t teenage\t ones\t find\t that\t up\t to\t half\t of\t first\t graders\t who\t are disruptive,\tunable\tto\tget\talong\twith\tother\tkids,\tdisobedient\twith\ttheir parents,\t and\t resistant\t with\t teachers\t will\t become\t delinquents\t in\t their teen\t years.15\t Of\t course,\t not\t all\t such\t aggressive\t children\t are\t on\t the trajectory\tthat\tleads\tto\tviolence\tand\tcriminality\tin\tlater\tlife.\tBut\tof\tall children,\t these\t are\t the\t ones\t most\t at\t risk\t for\t eventually\t committing violent\tcrimes. The\t drift\t toward\t crime\t shows\t up\t surprisingly\t early\t in\t these children\u2019s\tlives.\tWhen\tchildren\tin\ta\tMontreal\tkindergarten\twere\trated for\thostility\tand\ttroublemaking,\tthose\thighest\tat\tage\tfive\talready\thad far\t greater\t evidence\t of\t delinquency\t just\t five\t to\t eight\t years\t later,\t in their\t early\t teens.\t They\t were\t about\t three\t times\t as\t likely\t as\t other","children\t to\t admit\t they\t had\t beaten\t up\t someone\t who\t had\t not\t done anything\t to\t them,\t to\t have\t shoplifted,\t to\t have\t used\t a\t weapon\t in\t a fight,\tto\thave\tbroken\tinto\tor\tstolen\tparts\tfrom\ta\tcar,\tand\tto\thave\tbeen drunk\u2014and\tall\tthis\tbefore\tthey\treached\tfourteen\tyears\tof\tage.16 The\t prototypical\t pathway\t to\t violence\t and\t criminality\t starts\t with children\t who\t are\t aggressive\t and\t hard\t to\t handle\t in\t first\t and\t second grade.17\t Typically,\t from\t the\t earliest\t school\t years\t their\t poor\t impulse control\t also\t contributes\t to\t their\t being\t poor\t students,\t seen\t as,\t and seeing\t themselves\t as,\t \u201cdumb\u201d\u2014a\t judgment\t confirmed\t by\t their\t being shunted\t to\t special-education\t classes\t (and\t though\t such\t children\t may have\t a\t higher\t rate\t of\t \u201chyperactivity\u201d\t or\t learning\t disorders,\t by\t no means\t all\t do).\t Children\t who\t on\t entering\t school\t already\t have\t learned in\t their\t homes\t a\t \u201ccoercive\u201d\t style\u2014that\t is,\t bullying\u2014are\t also\t written off\t by\t their\t teachers,\t who\t have\t to\t spend\t too\t much\t time\t keeping\t the children\tin\tline.\tThe\tdefiance\tof\tclassroom\trules\tthat\tcomes\tnaturally to\tthese\tchildren\tmeans\tthat\tthey\twaste\ttime\tthat\twould\totherwise\tbe used\tin\tlearning;\ttheir\tdestined\tacademic\tfailure\tis\tusually\tobvious\tby about\t third\t grade.\t While\t boys\t on\t a\t trajectory\t toward\t delinquency tend\t to\t have\t lower\t IQ\t scores\t than\t their\t peers,\t their\t impulsivity\t is more\tdirectly\tat\tcause:\timpulsivity\tin\tten-year-old\tboys\tis\talmost\tthree times\t as\t powerful\t a\t predictor\t of\t their\t later\t delinquency\t as\t is\t their IQ.18 By\t fourth\t or\t fifth\t grade\t these\t kids\u2014by\t now\t seen\t as\t bullies\t or\t just \u201cdifficult\u201d\u2014are\trejected\tby\ttheir\tpeers\tand\tare\tunable\tto\tmake\tfriends easily,\t if\t at\t all,\t and\t have\t become\t academic\t failures.\t Feeling themselves\tfriendless,\tthey\tgravitate\tto\tother\tsocial\toutcasts.\tBetween grade\t four\t and\t grade\t nine\t they\t commit\t themselves\t to\t their\t outcast group\t and\t a\t life\t of\t defying\t the\t law:\t they\t show\t a\t fivefold\t increase\t in their\t truancy,\t drinking,\t and\t drug\t taking,\t with\t the\t biggest\t boost between\t seventh\t and\t eighth\t grade.\t By\t the\t middle-school\t years,\t they are\tjoined\tby\tanother\ttype\tof\t\u201clate\tstarters,\u201d\twho\tare\tattracted\tto\ttheir defiant\t style;\t these\t late\t starters\t are\t often\t youngsters\t who\t are completely\tunsupervised\tat\thome\tand\thave\tstarted\troaming\tthe\tstreets on\t their\t own\t in\t grade\t school.\t In\t the\t high-school\t years\t this\t outcast group\t typically\t drops\t out\t of\t school\t in\t a\t drift\t toward\t delinquency, engaging\tin\tpetty\tcrimes\tsuch\tas\tshoplifting,\ttheft,\tand\tdrug\tdealing. (A\t telling\t difference\t emerges\t in\t this\t trajectory\t between\t boys\t and girls.\tA\tstudy\tof\tfourth-grade\tgirls\twho\twere\t\u201cbad\u201d\u2014getting\tin\ttrouble with\t teachers\t and\t breaking\t rules,\t but\t not\t unpopular\t with\t their\t peers \u2014found\t that\t 40\t percent\t had\t a\t child\t by\t the\t time\t they\t finished\t the","high-school\tyears.19\tThat\twas\tthree\ttimes\tthe\taverage\tpregnancy\trate for\tgirls\tin\ttheir\tschools.\tIn\tother\twords,\tantisocial\tteenage\tgirls\tdon\u2019t get\tviolent\u2014they\tget\tpregnant.) There\t is,\t of\t course,\t no\t single\t pathway\t to\t violence\t and\t criminality, and\t many\t other\t factors\t can\t put\t a\t child\t at\t risk:\t being\t born\t in\t a\t high- crime\t neighborhood\t where\t they\t are\t exposed\t to\t more\t temptations\t to crime\tand\tviolence,\tcoming\tfrom\ta\tfamily\tunder\thigh\tlevels\tof\tstress, or\t living\t in\t poverty.\t But\t none\t of\t these\t factors\t makes\t a\t life\t of\t violent crime\t inevitable.\t All\t things\t being\t equal,\t the\t psychological\t forces\t at work\t in\t aggressive\t children\t greatly\t intensify\t the\t likelihood\t of\t their ending\t up\t as\t violent\t criminals.\t As\t Gerald\t Patterson,\t a\t psychologist who\t has\t closely\t followed\t the\t careers\t of\t hundreds\t of\t boys\t into\t young adulthood,\t puts\t it,\t \u201cthe\t anti-social\t acts\t of\t a\t five-year-old\t may\t be prototypic\tof\tthe\tacts\tof\tthe\tdelinquent\tadolescent.\u201d20 SCHOOL\tFOR\tBULLIES The\tbent\tof\tmind\tthat\taggressive\tchildren\ttake\twith\tthem\tthrough\tlife is\t one\t that\t almost\t ensures\t they\t will\t end\t up\t in\t trouble.\t A\t study\t of juvenile\toffenders\tconvicted\tof\tviolent\tcrimes\tand\tof\taggressive\thigh- school\t students\t found\t a\t common\t mind-set:\t When\t they\t have difficulties\twith\tsomeone,\tthey\timmediately\tsee\tthe\tother\tperson\tin\tan antagonistic\t way,\t jumping\t to\t conclusions\t about\t the\t other\t person\u2019s hostility\t toward\t them\t without\t seeking\t any\t further\t information\t or trying\t to\t think\t of\t a\t peaceful\t way\t to\t settle\t their\t differences.\t At\t the same\t time,\t the\t negative\t consequence\t of\t a\t violent\t solution\u2014a\t fight, typically\u2014never\t crosses\t their\t mind.\t Their\t aggressive\t bent\t is\t justified in\t their\t mind\t by\t beliefs\t like,\t \u201cIt\u2019s\t okay\t to\t hit\t someone\t if\t you\t just\t go crazy\tfrom\tanger\u201d;\t\u201cIf\tyou\tback\tdown\tfrom\ta\tfight\teveryone\twill\tthink you\u2019re\t a\t coward\u201d;\t and\t \u201cPeople\t who\t get\t beaten\t up\t badly\t don\u2019t\t really suffer\tthat\tmuch.\u201d21 But\t timely\t help\t can\t change\t these\t attitudes\t and\t stop\t a\t child\u2019s trajectory\t toward\t delinquency;\t several\t experimental\t programs\t have had\tsome\tsuccess\tin\thelping\tsuch\taggressive\tkids\tlearn\tto\tcontrol\ttheir antisocial\t bent\t before\t it\t leads\t to\t more\t serious\t trouble.\t One,\t at\t Duke University,\t worked\t with\t anger-ridden\t grade-school\t troublemakers\t in training\t sessions\t for\t forty\t minutes\t twice\t a\t week\t for\t six\t to\t twelve weeks.\t The\t boys\t were\t taught,\t for\t example,\t to\t see\t how\t some\t of\t the social\tcues\tthey\tinterpreted\tas\thostile\twere\tin\tfact\tneutral\tor\tfriendly.","They\t learned\t to\t take\t the\t perspective\t of\t other\t children,\t to\t get\t a\t sense of\t how\t they\t were\t being\t seen\t and\t of\t what\t other\t children\t might\t be thinking\tand\tfeeling\tin\tthe\tencounters\tthat\thad\tgotten\tthem\tso\tangry. They\talso\tgot\tdirect\ttraining\tin\tanger\tcontrol\tthrough\tenacting\tscenes, such\t as\t being\t teased,\t that\t might\t lead\t them\t to\t lose\t their\t temper.\t One of\t the\t key\t skills\t for\t anger\t control\t was\t monitoring\t their\t feelings\u2014 becoming\taware\tof\ttheir\tbody\u2019s\tsensations,\tsuch\tas\tflushing\tor\tmuscle tensing,\tas\tthey\twere\tgetting\tangry,\tand\tto\ttake\tthose\tfeelings\tas\ta\tcue to\t stop\t and\t consider\t what\t to\t do\t next\t rather\t than\t strike\t out impulsively. John\tLochman,\ta\tDuke\tUniversity\tpsychologist\twho\twas\tone\tof\tthe designers\t of\t the\t program,\t told\t me,\t \u201cThey\u2019ll\t discuss\t situations\t they\u2019ve been\tin\trecently,\tlike\tbeing\tbumped\tin\tthe\thallway\twhen\tthey\tthink\tit was\t on\t purpose.\t The\t kids\t will\t talk\t about\t how\t they\t might\t have handled\t it.\t One\t kid\t said,\t for\t example,\t that\t he\t just\t stared\t at\t the\t boy who\t bumped\t him\t and\t told\t him\t not\t to\t do\t it\t again,\t and\t walked\t away. That\tput\thim\tin\tthe\tposition\tof\texerting\tsome\tcontrol\tand\tkeeping\this self-esteem,\twithout\tstarting\ta\tfight.\u201d This\tappeals;\tmany\tsuch\taggressive\tboys\tare\tunhappy\tthat\tthey\tlose their\ttemper\tso\teasily,\tand\tso\tare\treceptive\tto\tlearning\tto\tcontrol\tit.\tIn the\t heat\t of\t the\t moment,\t of\t course,\t such\t cool-headed\t responses\t as walking\taway\tor\tcounting\tto\tten\tso\tthe\timpulse\tto\thit\twill\tpass\tbefore reacting\tare\tnot\tautomatic;\tthe\tboys\tpractice\tsuch\talternatives\tin\trole- playing\tscenes\tsuch\tas\tgetting\ton\ta\tbus\twhere\tother\tkids\tare\ttaunting them.\tThat\tway\tthey\tcan\ttry\tout\tfriendly\tresponses\tthat\tpreserve\ttheir dignity\twhile\tgiving\tthem\tan\talternative\tto\thitting,\tcrying,\tor\trunning away\tin\tshame. Three\tyears\tafter\tthe\tboys\thad\tbeen\tthrough\tthe\ttraining,\tLochman compared\tthese\tboys\twith\tothers\twho\thad\tbeen\tjust\tas\taggressive,\tbut did\t not\t have\t the\t benefit\t of\t the\t anger-control\t sessions.\t He\t found\t that, in\tadolescence,\tthe\tboys\twho\tgraduated\tfrom\tthe\tprogram\twere\tmuch less\t disruptive\t in\t class,\t had\t more\t positive\t feelings\t about\t themselves, and\t were\t less\t likely\t to\t drink\t or\t take\t drugs.\t And\t the\t longer\t they\t had been\tin\tthe\tprogram,\tthe\tless\taggressive\tthey\twere\tas\tteenagers. PREVENTING\tDEPRESSION Dana,\tsixteen,\thad\talways\tseemed\tto\tget\talong.\tBut\tnow,\tsuddenly,\tshe\tjust\tcould\tnot relate\twith\tother\tgirls,\tand,\tmore\ttroubling\tfor\ther,\tshe\tcould\tnot\tfind\ta\tway\tto\thold\ton","to\tboyfriends,\teven\tthough\tshe\tslept\twith\tthem.\tMorose\tand\tconstantly\tfatigued,\tDana lost\tinterest\tin\teating,\tin\thaving\tfun\tof\tany\tkind;\tshe\tsaid\tshe\tfelt\thopeless\tand\thelpless to\tdo\tanything\tto\tescape\ther\tmood,\tand\twas\tthinking\tof\tsuicide. The\t drop\t into\t depression\t had\t been\t triggered\t by\t her\t most\t recent\t breakup.\t She\t said she\tdidn\u2019t\tknow\thow\tto\tgo\tout\twith\ta\tboy\twithout\tgetting\tsexually\tinvolved\tright\taway \u2014even\t if\t she\t was\t uncomfortable\t about\t it\u2014and\t that\t she\t did\t not\t know\t how\t to\t end\t a relationship\teven\tif\tit\twas\tunsatisfying.\tShe\twent\tto\tbed\twith\tboys,\tshe\tsaid,\twhen\tall she\treally\twanted\tto\tdo\twas\tget\tto\tknow\tthem\tbetter. She\thad\tjust\tmoved\tto\ta\tnew\tschool,\tand\tfelt\tshy\tand\tanxious\tabout\tmaking\tfriends with\t girls\t there.\t For\t instance,\t she\t held\t back\t from\t starting\t conversations,\t only\t talking once\t someone\t spoke\t to\t her.\t She\t felt\t unable\t to\t let\t them\t know\t what\t she\t was\t like,\t and didn\u2019t\teven\tfeel\tshe\tknew\twhat\tto\tsay\tafter\t\u201cHello,\thow\tare\tyou?\u201d22 Dana\t went\t for\t therapy\t to\t an\t experimental\t program\t for\t depressed adolescents\tat\tColumbia\tUniversity.\tHer\ttreatment\tfocused\ton\thelping her\t learn\t how\t to\t handle\t her\t relationships\t better:\t how\t to\t develop\t a friendship,\thow\tto\tfeel\tmore\tconfident\twith\tother\tteens,\thow\tto\tassert limits\t on\t sexual\t closeness,\t how\t to\t be\t intimate,\t how\t to\t express\t her feelings.\t In\t essence,\t it\t was\t a\t remedial\t tutorial\t in\t some\t of\t the\t most basic\temotional\tskills.\tAnd\tit\tworked;\ther\tdepression\tlifted. Particularly\tin\tyoung\tpeople,\tproblems\tin\trelationships\tare\ta\ttrigger for\t depression.\t The\t difficulty\t is\t as\t often\t in\t children\u2019s\t relationships with\t their\t parents\t as\t it\t is\t with\t their\t peers.\t Depressed\t children\t and teenagers\t are\t frequently\t unable\t or\t unwilling\t to\t talk\t about\t their sadness.\t They\t seem\t unable\t to\t label\t their\t feelings\t accurately,\t showing instead\t a\t sullen\t irritability,\t impatience,\t crankiness,\t and\t anger\u2014 especially\ttoward\ttheir\tparents.\tThis,\tin\tturn,\tmakes\tit\tharder\tfor\ttheir parents\t to\t offer\t the\t emotional\t support\t and\t guidance\t the\t depressed child\t actually\t needs,\t setting\t in\t motion\t a\t downward\t spiral\t that typically\tends\tin\tconstant\targuments\tand\talienation. A\t new\t look\t at\t the\t causes\t of\t depression\t in\t the\t young\t pinpoints deficits\t in\t two\t areas\t of\t emotional\t competence:\t relationship\t skills,\t on the\t one\t hand,\t and\t a\t depression-promoting\t way\t of\t interpreting setbacks,\t on\t the\t other.\t While\t some\t of\t the\t tendency\t to\t depression almost\t certainly\t is\t due\t to\t genetic\t destiny,\t some\t of\t that\t tendency seems\t due\t to\t reversible,\t pessimistic\t habits\t of\t thought\t that\t predispose children\t to\t react\t to\t life\u2019s\t small\t defeats\u2014a\t bad\t grade,\t arguments\t with parents,\t a\t social\t rejection\u2014by\t becoming\t depressed.\t And\t there\t is evidence\tto\tsuggest\tthat\tthe\tpredisposition\tto\tdepression,\twhatever\tits basis,\tis\tbecoming\tever\tmore\twidespread\tamong\tthe\tyoung.","A\tCOST\tOF\tMODERNITY:\tRISING\tRATES\tOF\tDEPRESSION These\t millennial\t years\t are\t ushering\t in\t an\t Age\t of\t Melancholy,\t just\t as the\t twentieth\t century\t became\t an\t Age\t of\t Anxiety.\t International\t data show\t what\t seems\t to\t be\t a\t modern\t epidemic\t of\t depression,\t one\t that\t is spreading\t side\t by\t side\t with\t the\t adoption\t throughout\t the\t world\t of modern\t ways.\t Each\t successive\t generation\t worldwide\t since\t the opening\tof\tthe\tcentury\thas\tlived\twith\ta\thigher\trisk\tthan\ttheir\tparents of\t suffering\t a\t major\t depression\u2014not\t just\t sadness,\t but\t a\t paralyzing listlessness,\t dejection,\t and\t self-pity,\t and\t an\t overwhelming hopelessness\u2014over\t the\t course\t of\t life.23\t And\t those\t episodes\t are beginning\t at\t earlier\t and\t earlier\t ages.\t Childhood\t depression,\t once virtually\tunknown\t(or,\tat\tleast,\tunrecognized)\tis\temerging\tas\ta\tfixture of\tthe\tmodern\tscene. Although\t the\t likelihood\t of\t becoming\t depressed\t rises\t with\t age,\t the greatest\tincreases\tare\tamong\tyoung\tpeople.\tFor\tthose\tborn\tafter\t1955 the\tlikelihood\tthey\twill\tsuffer\ta\tmajor\tdepression\tat\tsome\tpoint\tin\tlife is,\t in\t many\t countries,\t three\t times\t or\t more\t greater\t than\t for\t their grandparents.\t Among\t Americans\t born\t before\t 1905,\t the\t rate\t of\t those having\ta\tmajor\tdepression\tover\ta\tlifetime\twas\tjust\t1\tpercent;\tfor\tthose born\t since\t 1955,\t by\t age\t twenty-four\t about\t 6\t percent\t had\t become depressed.\t For\t those\t born\t between\t 1945\t and\t 1954,\t the\t chances\t of having\t had\t a\t major\t depression\t before\t age\t thirty-four\t are\t ten\t times greater\t than\t for\t those\t born\t between\t 1905\t and\t 1914.24\t And\t for\t each generation\t the\t onset\t of\t a\t person\u2019s\t first\t episode\t of\t depression\t has tended\tto\toccur\tat\tan\tever-earlier\tage. A\tworldwide\tstudy\tof\tmore\tthan\tthirty-nine\tthousand\tpeople\tfound the\t same\t trend\t in\t Puerto\t Rico,\t Canada,\t Italy,\t Germany,\t France, Taiwan,\t Lebanon,\t and\t New\t Zealand.\t In\t Beirut,\t the\t rise\t of\t depression tracked\t political\t events\t closely,\t the\t upward\t trends\t rocketing\t during periods\tof\tcivil\twar.\tIn\tGermany,\tfor\tthose\tborn\tbefore\t1914\tthe\trate of\t depression\t by\t age\t thirty-five\t is\t 4\t percent;\t for\t those\t born\t in\t the decade\t before\t 1944\t it\t is\t 14\t percent\t at\t age\t thirty-five.\t Worldwide, generations\t that\t came\t of\t age\t during\t politically\t troubled\t times\t had higher\t rates\t of\t depression,\t though\t the\t overall\t upward\t trend\t holds apart\tfrom\tany\tpolitical\tevents. The\tlowering\tinto\tchildhood\tof\tthe\tage\twhen\tpeople\tfirst\texperience depression\t also\t seems\t to\t hold\t worldwide.\t When\t I\t asked\t experts\t to hazard\ta\tguess\tas\tto\twhy,\tthere\twere\tseveral\ttheories. Dr.\t Frederick\t Goodwin,\t then\t director\t of\t the\t National\t Institute\t of","Mental\tHealth,\tspeculated,\t\u201cThere\u2019s\tbeen\ta\ttremendous\terosion\tof\tthe nuclear\tfamily\u2014a\tdoubling\tof\tthe\tdivorce\trate,\ta\tdrop\tin\tparents\u2019\ttime available\tto\tchildren,\tand\tan\tincrease\tin\tmobility.\tYou\tdon\u2019t\tgrow\tup knowing\t your\t extended\t family\t much\t anymore.\t The\t losses\t of\t these stable\t sources\t of\t self-identification\t mean\t a\t greater\t susceptibility\t to depression.\u201d Dr.\t David\t Kupfer,\t chairman\t of\t psychiatry\t at\t the\t University\t of Pittsburgh\tmedical\tschool,\tpointed\tto\tanother\ttrend:\t\u201cWith\tthe\tspread of\t industrialization\t after\t World\t War\t II,\t in\t a\t sense\t nobody\t was\t home anymore.\tIn\tmore\tand\tmore\tfamilies\tthere\thas\tbeen\tgrowing\tparental indifference\t to\t children\u2019s\t needs\t as\t they\t grow\t up.\t This\t is\t not\t a\t direct cause\t of\t depression,\t but\t it\t sets\t up\t a\t vulnerability.\t Early\t emotional stressors\t may\t affect\t neuron\t development,\t which\t can\t lead\t to\t a depression\twhen\tyou\tare\tunder\tgreat\tstress\teven\tdecades\tlater.\u201d Martin\t Seligman,\t the\t University\t of\t Pennsylvania\t psychologist, proposed:\t\u201cFor\tthe\tlast\tthirty\tor\tforty\tyears\twe\u2019ve\tseen\tthe\tascendance of\t individualism\t and\t a\t waning\t of\t larger\t beliefs\t in\t religion,\t and\t in supports\tfrom\tthe\tcommunity\tand\textended\tfamily.\tThat\tmeans\ta\tloss of\t resources\t that\t can\t buffer\t you\t against\t setbacks\t and\t failures.\t To\t the extent\t you\t see\t a\t failure\t as\t something\t that\t is\t lasting\t and\t which\t you magnify\t to\t taint\t everything\t in\t your\t life,\t you\t are\t prone\t to\t let\t a momentary\tdefeat\tbecome\ta\tlasting\tsource\tof\thopelessness.\tBut\tif\tyou have\ta\tlarger\tperspective,\tlike\ta\tbelief\tin\tGod\tand\tan\tafterlife,\tand\tyou lose\tyour\tjob,\tit\u2019s\tjust\ta\ttemporary\tdefeat.\u201d Whatever\tthe\tcause,\tdepression\tin\tthe\tyoung\tis\ta\tpressing\tproblem. In\tthe\tUnited\tStates,\testimates\tvary\twidely\tfor\thow\tmany\tchildren\tand teens\t are\t depressed\t in\t any\t given\t year,\t as\t opposed\t to\t vulnerability over\t their\t lifetime.\t Some\t epidemiological\t studies\t using\t strict\t criteria \u2014the\t official\t diagnostic\t symptoms\t for\t depression\u2014have\t found\t that for\t boys\t and\t girls\t between\t ten\t and\t thirteen\t the\t rate\t of\t major depression\t over\t the\t course\t of\t a\t year\t is\t as\t high\t as\t 8\t or\t 9\t percent, though\tother\tstudies\tplace\tit\tat\tabout\thalf\tthat\trate\t(and\tsome\tas\tlow as\t about\t 2\t percent).\t At\t puberty,\t some\t data\t suggest,\t the\t rate\t nearly doubles\t for\t girls;\t up\t to\t 16\t percent\t of\t girls\t between\t fourteen\t and sixteen\t suffer\t a\t bout\t of\t depression,\t while\t the\t rate\t is\t unchanged\t for boys.25 THE\tCOURSE\tOF\tDEPRESSION\tIN\tTHE\tYOUNG","That\tdepression\tshould\tnot\tjust\tbe\ttreated,\tbut\tprevented,\tin\tchildren\tis clear\tfrom\tan\talarming\tdiscovery:\tEven\tmild\tepisodes\tof\tdepression\tin a\tchild\tcan\taugur\tmore\tsevere\tepisodes\tlater\tin\tlife.26\tThis\tchallenges the\t old\t assumption\t that\t depression\t in\t childhood\t does\t not\t matter\t in the\t long\t run,\t since\t children\t supposedly\t \u201cgrow\t out\t of\t it.\u201d\t Of\t course, every\tchild\tgets\tsad\tfrom\ttime\tto\ttime;\tchildhood\tand\tadolescence\tare, like\t adulthood,\t times\t of\t occasional\t disappointments\t and\t losses\t large and\tsmall\twith\tthe\tattendant\tgrief.\tThe\tneed\tfor\tprevention\tis\tnot\tfor these\t times,\t but\t for\t those\t children\t for\t whom\t sadness\t spirals downward\t into\t a\t gloom\t that\t leaves\t them\t despairing,\t irritable,\t and withdrawn\u2014a\tfar\tmore\tsevere\tmelancholy. Among\t children\t whose\t depression\t was\t severe\t enough\t that\t they were\t referred\t for\t treatment,\t three\t quarters\t had\t a\t subsequent\t episode of\t severe\t depression,\t according\t to\t data\t collected\t by\t Maria\t Kovacs,\t a psychologist\t at\t Western\t Psychiatric\t Institute\t and\t Clinic\t in Pittsburgh.27\tKovacs\tstudied\tchildren\tdiagnosed\twith\tdepression\twhen they\twere\tas\tyoung\tas\teight\tyears\told,\tassessing\tthem\tevery\tfew\tyears until\tsome\twere\tas\told\tas\ttwenty-four. The\t children\t with\t major\t depression\t had\t episodes\t lasting\t about eleven\t months\t on\t average,\t though\t in\t one\t in\t six\t of\t them\t it\t persisted for\tas\tlong\tas\teighteen\tmonths.\tMild\tdepression,\twhich\tbegan\tas\tearly as\t age\t five\t in\t some\t children,\t was\t less\t incapacitating\t but\t lasted\t far longer\u2014an\t average\t of\t about\t four\t years.\t And,\t Kovacs\t found,\t children who\thave\ta\tminor\tdepression\tare\tmore\tlikely\tto\thave\tit\tintensify\tinto major\t depression\u2014a\t so-called\t double\t depression.\t Those\t who\t develop double\t depression\t are\t much\t more\t prone\t to\t suffer\t recurring\t episodes as\tthe\tyears\tgo\ton.\tAs\tchildren\twho\thad\tan\tepisode\tof\tdepression\tgrew into\t adolescence\t and\t early\t adulthood,\t they\t suffered\t from\t depression or\tmanic-depressive\tdisorder,\ton\taverage,\tone\tyear\tin\tthree. The\tcost\tto\tchildren\tgoes\tbeyond\tthe\tsuffering\tcaused\tby\tdepression itself.\tKovacs\ttold\tme,\t\u201cKids\tlearn\tsocial\tskills\tin\ttheir\tpeer\trelations\u2014 for\t example,\t what\t to\t do\t if\t you\t want\t something\t and\t aren\u2019t\t getting\t it, seeing\t how\t other\t children\t handle\t the\t situation\t and\t then\t trying\t it yourself.\t But\t depressed\t kids\t are\t likely\t to\t be\t among\t the\t neglected children\tin\ta\tschool,\tthe\tones\tother\tkids\tdon\u2019t\tplay\twith\tmuch.\u201d28 The\t sullenness\t or\t sadness\t such\t children\t feel\t leads\t them\t to\t avoid initiating\tsocial\tcontacts,\tor\tto\tlook\taway\twhen\tanother\tchild\tis\ttrying to\tengage\tthem\u2014a\tsocial\tsignal\tthe\tother\tchild\tonly\ttakes\tas\ta\trebuff; the\tend\tresult\tis\tthat\tdepressed\tchildren\tend\tup\trejected\tor\tneglected on\t the\t playground.\t This\t lacuna\t in\t their\t interpersonal\t experience","means\tthey\tmiss\tout\ton\twhat\tthey\twould\tnormally\tlearn\tin\tthe\trough- and-tumble\t of\t play,\t and\t so\t can\t leave\t them\t social\t and\t emotional laggards,\t with\t much\t catching\t up\t to\t do\t after\t the\t depression\t lifts.29 Indeed,\t when\t depressed\t children\t have\t been\t compared\t to\t those without\tdepression,\tthey\thave\tbeen\tfound\tto\tbe\tmore\tsocially\tinept,\tto have\tfewer\tfriends,\tto\tbe\tless\tpreferred\tthan\tothers\tas\tplaymates,\tto\tbe less\t liked,\t and\t to\t have\t more\t troubled\t relationships\t with\t other children. Another\tcost\tto\tthese\tchildren\tis\tdoing\tpoorly\tin\tschool;\tdepression interferes\t with\t their\t memory\t and\t concentration,\t making\t it\t harder\t to pay\tattention\tin\tclass\tand\tretain\twhat\tis\ttaught.\tA\tchild\twho\tfeels\tno joy\t in\t anything\t will\t find\t it\t hard\t to\t marshal\t the\t energy\t to\t master challenging\t lessons,\t let\t alone\t experience\t flow\t in\t learning. Understandably,\tthe\tlonger\tchildren\tin\tKovacs\u2019s\tstudy\twere\tdepressed, the\t more\t their\t grades\t dropped\t and\t the\t poorer\t they\t did\t on achievement\t tests,\t so\t that\t they\t were\t more\t likely\t to\t be\t held\t back\t in school.\t In\t fact,\t there\t was\t a\t direct\t correlation\t between\t the\t length\t of time\t a\t child\t had\t been\t depressed\t and\t his\t grade-point\t average,\t with\t a steady\t plummet\t over\t the\t course\t of\t the\t episode.\t All\t of\t this\t academic rough\t going,\t of\t course,\t compounds\t the\t depression.\t As\t Kovacs observes,\t \u201cImagine\t you\u2019re\t already\t feeling\t depressed,\t and\t you\t start flunking\t out\t of\t school,\t and\t you\t sit\t home\t by\t yourself\t instead\t of playing\twith\tother\tkids.\u201d DEPRESSIONOGENIC\tWAYS\tOF\tTHOUGHT Just\tas\twith\tadults,\tpessimistic\tways\tof\tinterpreting\tlife\u2019s\tdefeats\tseem to\t feed\t the\t sense\t of\t helplessness\t and\t hopelessness\t at\t the\t heart\t of children\u2019s\tdepression.\tThat\tpeople\twho\tare\talready\tdepressed\tthink\tin these\t ways\t has\t long\t been\t known.\t What\t has\t only\t recently\t emerged, though,\t is\t that\t children\t who\t are\t most\t prone\t to\t melancholy\t tend toward\t this\t pessimistic\t outlook\t before\t they\t become\t depressed.\t This insight\tsuggests\ta\twindow\tof\topportunity\tfor\tinoculating\tthem\tagainst depression\tbefore\tit\tstrikes. One\t line\t of\t evidence\t comes\t from\t studies\t of\t children\u2019s\t beliefs\t about their\town\tability\tto\tcontrol\twhat\thappens\tin\ttheir\tlives\u2014for\texample, being\t able\t to\t change\t things\t for\t the\t better.\t This\t is\t assessed\t by children\u2019s\t ratings\t of\t themselves\t in\t such\t terms\t as\t \u201cWhen\t I\t have problems\t at\t home\t I\u2019m\t better\t than\t most\t kids\t at\t helping\t to\t solve\t the","problems\u201d\t and\t \u201cWhen\t I\t work\t hard\t I\t get\t good\t grades.\u201d\t Children\t who say\tnone\tof\tthese\tpositive\tdescriptions\tfits\tthem\thave\tlittle\tsense\tthat they\t can\t do\t anything\t to\t change\t things;\t this\t sense\t of\t helplessness\t is highest\tin\tthose\tchildren\twho\tare\tmost\tdepressed.30 A\ttelling\tstudy\tlooked\tat\tfifth\tand\tsixth\tgraders\tin\tthe\tfew\tdays\tafter they\t received\t report\t cards.\t As\t we\t all\t remember,\t report\t cards\t are\t one of\t the\t greatest\t sources\t of\t elation\t and\t despair\t in\t childhood.\t But researchers\t find\t a\t marked\t consequence\t in\t how\t children\t assess\t their role\twhen\tthey\tget\ta\tworse\tgrade\tthan\tthey\texpected.\tThose\twho\tsee\ta bad\t grade\t as\t due\t to\t some\t personal\t flaw\t (\u201cI\u2019m\t stupid\u201d)\t feel\t more depressed\tthan\tthose\twho\texplain\tit\taway\tin\tterms\tof\tsomething\tthey could\t change\t (\u201cIf\t I\t work\t harder\t on\t my\t math\t homework\t I\u2019ll\t get\t a better\tgrade\u201d).31 Researchers\t identified\t a\t group\t of\t third,\t fourth,\t and\t fifth\t graders whom\t classmates\t had\t rejected,\t and\t tracked\t which\t ones\t continued\t to be\t social\t outcasts\t in\t their\t new\t classes\t the\t following\t year.\t How\t the children\t explained\t the\t rejection\t to\t themselves\t seemed\t crucial\t to whether\tthey\tbecame\tdepressed.\tThose\twho\tsaw\ttheir\trejection\tas\tdue to\t some\t flaw\t in\t themselves\t grew\t more\t depressed.\t But\t the\t optimists, who\tfelt\tthat\tthey\tcould\tdo\tsomething\tto\tchange\tthings\tfor\tthe\tbetter, were\tnot\tespecially\tdepressed\tdespite\tthe\tcontinuing\trejection.32\t And in\t a\t study\t of\t children\t making\t the\t notoriously\t stressful\t transition\t to seventh\t grade,\t those\t who\t had\t the\t pessimistic\t attitude\t responded\t to high\tlevels\tof\thassles\tat\tschool\tand\tto\tany\tadditional\tstress\tat\thome\tby becoming\tdepressed.33 The\tmost\tdirect\tevidence\tthat\ta\tpessimistic\toutlook\tmakes\tchildren highly\t susceptible\t to\t depression\t comes\t from\t a\t five-year\t study\t of children\t beginning\t when\t they\t were\t in\t third\t grade.34\t Among\t the younger\t children,\t the\t strongest\t predictor\t that\t they\t would\t become depressed\t was\t a\t pessimistic\t outlook\t coupled\t with\t a\t major\t blow\t such as\t parents\t divorcing\t or\t a\t death\t in\t the\t family,\t which\t left\t the\t child upset,\t unsettled,\t and,\t presumably,\t with\t parents\t less\t able\t to\t offer\t a nurturing\tbuffer.\tAs\tthe\tchildren\tgrew\tthrough\tthe\telementary-school years,\t there\t was\t a\t telling\t shift\t in\t their\t thinking\t about\t the\t good\t and bad\tevents\tof\ttheir\tlives,\twith\tthe\tchildren\tincreasingly\tascribing\tthem to\t their\t own\t traits:\t \u201cI\u2019m\t getting\t good\t grades\t because\t I\u2019m\t smart\u201d;\t \u201cI don\u2019t\thave\tmany\tfriends\tbecause\tI\u2019m\tno\tfun.\u201d\tThis\tshift\tseems\tto\tset\tin gradually\tover\tthe\tthird\tto\tfifth\tgrades.\tAs\tthis\thappens\tthose\tchildren who\t develop\t a\t pessimistic\t outlook\u2014attributing\t the\t setbacks\t in\t their lives\tto\tsome\tdire\tflaw\tin\tthemselves\u2014begin\tto\tfall\tprey\tto\tdepressed","moods\t in\t reaction\t to\t setbacks.\t What\u2019s\t more,\t the\t experience\t of depression\titself\tseems\tto\treinforce\tthese\tpessimistic\tways\tof\tthinking, so\t that\t even\t after\t the\t depression\t lifts,\t the\t child\t is\t left\t with\t what amounts\t to\t an\t emotional\t scar,\t a\t set\t of\t convictions\t fed\t by\t the depression\tand\tsolidified\tin\tthe\tmind:\tthat\the\tcan\u2019t\tdo\twell\tin\tschool, is\t unlikable,\t and\t can\t do\t nothing\t to\t escape\t his\t own\t brooding\t moods. These\t fixed\t ideas\t can\t make\t the\t child\t all\t the\t more\t vulnerable\t to another\tdepression\tdown\tthe\troad. SHORT-CIRCUITING\tDEPRESSION The\t good\t news:\t there\t is\t every\t sign\t that\t teaching\t children\t more productive\t ways\t of\t looking\t at\t their\t difficulties\t lowers\t their\t risk\t of depression.*\t In\t a\t study\t of\t one\t Oregon\t high\t school,\t about\t one\t in\t four students\t had\t what\t psychologists\t call\t a\t \u201clow-level\t depression,\u201d\t not severe\t enough\t to\t say\t it\t was\t beyond\t ordinary\t unhappiness\t as\t yet.35 Some\t may\t have\t been\t in\t the\t early\t weeks\t or\t months\t of\t what\t was\t to become\ta\tdepression. In\t a\t special\t after-school\t class\t seventy-five\t of\t the\t mildly\t depressed students\t learned\t to\t challenge\t the\t thinking\t patterns\t associated\t with depression,\t to\t become\t more\t adept\t at\t making\t friends,\t to\t get\t along better\twith\ttheir\tparents,\tand\tto\tengage\tin\tmore\tsocial\tactivities\tthey found\t pleasant.\t By\t the\t end\t of\t the\t eight-week\t program,\t 55\t percent\t of the\t students\t had\t recovered\t from\t their\t mild\t depression,\t while\t only about\t a\t quarter\t of\t equally\t depressed\t students\t who\t were\t not\t in\t the program\t had\t begun\t to\t pull\t out\t of\t their\t depression.\t A\t year\t later\t a quarter\t of\t those\t in\t the\t comparison\t group\t had\t gone\t on\t to\t fall\t into\t a major\t depression,\t as\t opposed\t to\t only\t 14\t percent\t of\t students\t in\t the depression-prevention\t program.\t Though\t they\t lasted\t just\t eight sessions,\t the\t classes\t seemed\t to\t have\t cut\t the\t risk\t of\t depression\t in half.36 Similarly\tpromising\tfindings\tcame\tfrom\ta\tspecial\tonce-a-week\tclass given\tto\tten-\tto\tthirteen-year-old\tyoungsters\tat\todds\twith\ttheir\tparents and\t showing\t some\t signs\t of\t depression.\t In\t after-school\t sessions\t they learned\t some\t basic\t emotional\t skills,\t including\t handling disagreements,\t thinking\t before\t acting,\t and,\t perhaps\t most\t important, challenging\t the\t pessimistic\t beliefs\t associated\t with\t depression\u2014for example,\t resolving\t to\t study\t harder\t after\t doing\t poorly\t on\t an\t exam instead\tof\tthinking,\t\u201cI\u2019m\tjust\tnot\tsmart\tenough.\u201d","\u201cWhat\t a\t child\t learns\t in\t these\t classes\t is\t that\t moods\t like\t anxiety, sadness,\tand\tanger\tdon\u2019t\tjust\tdescend\ton\tyou\twithout\tyour\thaving\tany control\tover\tthem,\tbut\tthat\tyou\tcan\tchange\tthe\tway\tyou\tfeel\tby\twhat you\t think,\u201d\t points\t out\t psychologist\t Martin\t Seligman,\t one\t of\t the developers\t of\t the\t twelve-week\t program.\t Because\t disputing\t the depressing\t thoughts\t vanquishes\t the\t gathering\t mood\t of\t gloom, Seligman\tadded,\t\u201cit\u2019s\tan\tinstant\treinforcer\tthat\tbecomes\ta\thabit.\u201d Again\t the\t special\t sessions\t lowered\t depression\t rates\t by\t one\t half\u2014 and\t did\t so\t as\t long\t as\t two\t years\t later.\t A\t year\t after\t the\t classes\t ended, just\t 8\t percent\t of\t those\t who\t participated\t scored\t at\t a\t moderate-to- severe\tlevel\ton\ta\ttest\tof\tdepression,\tversus\t29\tpercent\tof\tchildren\tin\ta comparison\t group.\t And\t after\t two\t years,\t about\t 20\t percent\t of\t those\t in the\t course\t were\t showing\t some\t signs\t of\t at\t least\t mild\t depression, compared\tto\t44\tpercent\tof\tthose\tin\tthe\tcomparison\tgroup. Learning\t these\t emotional\t skills\t at\t the\t cusp\t of\t adolescence\t may\t be especially\thelpful,\tSeligman\tobserves,\t\u201cThese\tkids\tseem\tto\tbe\tbetter\tat handling\t the\t routine\t teenage\t agonies\t of\t rejection.\t They\t seem\t to\t have learned\t this\t at\t a\t crucial\t window\t for\t risk\t of\t depression,\t just\t as\t they enter\t the\t teen\t years.\t And\t the\t lesson\t seems\t to\t persist\t and\t grow\t a\t bit stronger\tover\tthe\tcourse\tof\tthe\tyears\tafter\tthey\tlearn\tit,\tsuggesting\tthe kids\tare\tactually\tusing\tit\tin\ttheir\tday-to-day\tlives.\u201d Other\t experts\t on\t childhood\t depression\t applaud\t the\t new\t programs. \u201cIf\t you\t want\t to\t make\t a\t real\t difference\t for\t psychiatric\t illness\t like depression,\t you\t have\t to\t do\t something\t before\t the\t kids\t get\t sick\t in\t the first\t place,\u201d\t Kovacs\t commented.\t \u201cThe\t real\t solution\t is\t a\t psychological inoculation.\u201d EATING\tDISORDERS During\t my\t days\t as\t a\t graduate\t student\t in\t clinical\t psychology\t in\t the late\t 1960s,\t I\t knew\t two\t women\t who\t suffered\t from\t eating\t disorders, though\t I\t realized\t this\t only\t after\t many\t years\t had\t passed.\t One\t was\t a brilliant\t graduate\t student\t in\t mathematics\t at\t Harvard,\t a\t friend\t from my\t undergraduate\t days;\t the\t other\t was\t on\t the\t staff\t at\t M.I.T.\t The mathematician,\t though\t skeletally\t thin,\t simply\t could\t not\t bring\t herself to\teat;\tfood,\tshe\tsaid,\trepulsed\ther.\tThe\tlibrarian\thad\tan\tample\tfigure and\t was\t given\t to\t bingeing\t on\t ice\t cream,\t Sara\t Lee\t carrot\t cake,\t and other\t desserts;\t then\u2014as\t she\t once\t confided\t with\t some\t embarrassment \u2014she\t would\t secretly\t go\t off\t to\t the\t bathroom\t and\t make\t herself\t vomit.","Today\tthe\tmathematician\twould\tbe\tdiagnosed\twith\tanorexia\tnervosa, the\tlibrarian\twith\tbulimia. In\t those\t years\t there\t were\t no\t such\t labels.\t Clinicians\t were\t just beginning\t to\t comment\t on\t the\t problem;\t Hilda\t Bruch,\t the\t pioneer\t in this\t movement,\t published\t her\t seminal\t article\t on\t eating\t disorders\t in 1969.37\t Bruch,\t puzzled\t by\t women\t who\t were\t starving\t themselves\t to death,\t proposed\t that\t one\t of\t the\t several\t underlying\t causes\t lay\t in\t an inability\tto\tlabel\tand\trespond\tappropriately\tto\tbodily\turges\u2014notably, of\tcourse,\thunger.\tSince\tthen\tthe\tclinical\tliterature\ton\teating\tdisorders has\t mushroomed,\t with\t a\t multitude\t of\t hypotheses\t about\t the\t causes, ranging\t from\t ever-younger\t girls\t feeling\t compelled\t to\t compete\t with unattainably\t high\t standards\t of\t female\t beauty,\t to\t intrusive\t mothers who\tenmesh\ttheir\tdaughters\tin\ta\tcontrolling\tweb\tof\tguilt\tand\tblame. Most\t of\t these\t hypotheses\t suffered\t from\t one\t great\t drawback:\t they were\textrapolations\tfrom\tobservations\tmade\tduring\ttherapy.\tFar\tmore desirable,\t from\t a\t scientific\t viewpoint,\t are\t studies\t of\t large\t groups\t of people\t over\t a\t period\t of\t several\t years,\t to\t see\t who\t among\t them eventually\tcomes\tdown\twith\tthe\tproblem.\tThat\tkind\tof\tstudy\tallows\ta clean\t comparison\t that\t can\t tell,\t for\t example,\t if\t having\t controlling parents\t predisposes\t a\t girl\t to\t eating\t disorders.\t Beyond\t that,\t it\t can identify\t the\t cluster\t of\t conditions\t that\t leads\t to\t the\t problem,\t and distinguish\t them\t from\t conditions\t that\t might\t seem\t to\t be\t a\t cause,\t but which\tactually\tare\tfound\tas\toften\tin\tpeople\twithout\tthe\tproblem\tas\tin those\twho\tcome\tfor\ttreatment. When\tjust\tsuch\ta\tstudy\twas\tdone\twith\tmore\tthan\tnine\thundred\tgirls in\tthe\tseventh\tthrough\ttenth\tgrades,\temotional\tdeficits\u2014particularly\ta failure\t to\t tell\t distressing\t feelings\t from\t one\t another\t and\t to\t control them\u2014were\t found\t to\t be\t key\t among\t the\t factors\t leading\t to\t eating disorders.38\t Even\t by\t tenth\t grade,\t there\t were\t sixty-one\t girls\t in\t this affluent,\t suburban\t Minneapolis\t high\t school\t who\t already\t had\t serious symptoms\t of\t anorexia\t or\t bulimia.\t The\t greater\t the\t problem,\t the\t more the\t girls\t reacted\t to\t setbacks,\t difficulties,\t and\t minor\t annoyances\t with intense\tnegative\tfeelings\tthat\tthey\tcould\tnot\tsoothe,\tand\tthe\tless\ttheir awareness\t of\t what,\t exactly,\t they\t were\t feeling.\t When\t these\t two emotional\ttendencies\twere\tcoupled\twith\tbeing\thighly\tdissatisfied\twith their\t body,\t then\t the\t outcome\t was\t anorexia\t or\t bulimia.\t Overly controlling\t parents\t were\t found\t not\t to\t play\t a\t prime\t role\t in\t causing eating\t disorders.\t (As\t Bruch\t herself\t had\t warned,\t theories\t based\t on hindsight\twere\tunlikely\tto\tbe\taccurate;\tfor\texample,\tparents\tcan\teasily become\t intensely\t controlling\t in\t response\t to\t their\t daughter\u2019s\t eating","disorder,\t out\t of\t desperation\t to\t help\t her.)\t Also\t judged\t irrelevant\t were such\tpopular\texplanations\tas\tfear\tof\tsexuality,\tearly\tonset\tof\tpuberty, and\tlow\tself-esteem. Instead,\tthe\tcausal\tchain\tthis\tprospective\tstudy\trevealed\tbegan\twith the\teffects\ton\tyoung\tgirls\tof\tgrowing\tup\tin\ta\tsociety\tpreoccupied\twith unnatural\t thinness\t as\t a\t sign\t of\t female\t beauty.\t Well\t in\t advance\t of adolescence,\t girls\t are\t already\t self-conscious\t about\t their\t weight.\t One six-year-old,\tfor\texample,\tbroke\tinto\ttears\twhen\ther\tmother\tasked\ther to\tgo\tfor\ta\tswim,\tsaying\tshe\u2019d\tlook\tfat\tin\ta\tswimsuit.\tIn\tfact,\tsays\ther pediatrician,\t who\t tells\t the\t story,\t her\t weight\t was\t normal\t for\t her height.39\t In\t one\t study\t of\t 271\t young\t teenagers,\t half\t the\t girls\t thought they\twere\ttoo\tfat,\teven\tthough\tthe\tvast\tmajority\tof\tthem\twere\tnormal in\t weight.\t But\t the\t Minneapolis\t study\t showed\t that\t an\t obsession\t with being\toverweight\tis\tnot\tin\tand\tof\titself\tsufficient\tto\texplain\twhy\tsome girls\tgo\ton\tto\tdevelop\teating\tdisorders. Some\t obese\t people\t are\t unable\t to\t tell\t the\t difference\t between\t being scared,\t angry,\t and\t hungry,\t and\t so\t lump\t all\t those\t feelings\t together\t as signifying\t hunger,\t which\t leads\t them\t to\t overeat\t whenever\t they\t feel upset.40\t Something\t similar\t seems\t to\t be\t happening\t in\t these\t girls. Gloria\t Leon,\t the\t University\t of\t Minnesota\t psychologist\t who\t did\t the study\t of\t young\t girls\t and\t eating\t disorders,\t observed\t that\t these\t girls \u201chave\tpoor\tawareness\tof\ttheir\tfeelings\tand\tbody\tsignals;\tthat\twas\tthe strongest\tsingle\tpredictor\tthat\tthey\twould\tgo\ton\tto\tdevelop\tan\teating disorder\twithin\tthe\tnext\ttwo\tyears.\tMost\tchildren\tlearn\tto\tdistinguish among\t their\t sensations,\t to\t tell\t if\t they\u2019re\t feeling\t bored,\t angry, depressed,\t or\t hungry\u2014it\u2019s\t a\t basic\t part\t of\t emotional\t learning.\t But these\t girls\t have\t trouble\t distinguishing\t among\t their\t most\t basic feelings.\t They\t may\t have\t a\t problem\t with\t their\t boyfriend,\t and\t not\t be sure\t whether\t they\u2019re\t angry,\t or\t anxious,\t or\t depressed\u2014they\t just experience\t a\t diffuse\t emotional\t storm\t that\t they\t do\t not\t know\t how\t to deal\t with\t effectively.\t Instead\t they\t learn\t to\t make\t themselves\t feel better\t by\t eating;\t that\t can\t become\t a\t strongly\t entrenched\t emotional habit.\u201d But\t when\t this\t habit\t for\t soothing\t themselves\t interacts\t with\t the pressures\t girls\t feel\t to\t stay\t thin,\t the\t way\t is\t paved\t for\t eating\t disorders to\tdevelop.\t\u201cAt\tfirst\tshe\tmight\tstart\twith\tbinge\teating,\u201d\tLeon\tobserves. \u201cBut\t to\t stay\t thin\t she\t may\t turn\t to\t vomiting\t or\t laxatives,\t or\t intense physical\t exertion\t to\t undo\t the\t weight\t gain\t from\t overeating.\t Another avenue\tthis\tstruggle\tto\thandle\temotional\tconfusion\tcan\ttake\tis\tfor\tthe girl\t not\t to\t eat\t at\t all\u2014it\t can\t be\t a\t way\t to\t feel\t you\t have\t at\t least\t some","control\tover\tthese\toverwhelming\tfeelings.\u201d The\t combination\t of\t poor\t inner\t awareness\t and\t weak\t social\t skills means\t that\t these\t girls,\t when\t upset\t by\t friends\t or\t parents,\t fail\t to\t act effectively\t to\t soothe\t either\t the\t relationship\t or\t their\t own\t distress. Instead\t their\t upset\t triggers\t the\t eating\t disorder,\t whether\t it\t be\t that\t of bulimia\t or\t anorexia,\t or\t simply\t binge\t eating.\t Effective\t treatments\t for such\tgirls,\tLeon\tbelieves,\tneed\tto\tinclude\tsome\tremedial\tinstruction\tin the\t emotional\t skills\t they\t lack.\t \u201cClinicians\t find,\u201d\t she\t told\t me,\t \u201cthat\t if you\t address\t the\t deficits\t therapy\t works\t better.\t These\t girls\t need\t to learn\tto\tidentify\ttheir\tfeelings\tand\tlearn\tways\tto\tsoothe\tthemselves\tor handle\ttheir\trelationships\tbetter,\twithout\tturning\tto\ttheir\tmaladaptive eating\thabits\tto\tdo\tthe\tjob.\u201d ONLY\tTHE\tLONELY:\tDROPOUTS It\u2019s\t a\t grade-school\t drama:\t Ben,\t a\t fourth\t grader\t with\t few\t friends,\t has just\t heard\t from\t his\t one\t buddy,\t Jason,\t that\t they\t aren\u2019t\t going\t to\t play together\t this\t lunch\t period\u2014Jason\t wants\t to\t play\t with\t another\t boy, Chad,\t instead.\t Ben,\t crushed,\t hangs\t his\t head\t and\t cries.\t After\t his\t sobs subside,\t Ben\t goes\t over\t to\t the\t lunch\t table\t where\t Jason\t and\t Chad\t are eating. \u201cI\thate\tyour\tguts!\u201d\tBen\tyells\tat\tJason. \u201cWhy?\u201d\tJason\tasks. \u201cBecause\t you\t lied,\u201d\t Ben\t says,\t his\t tone\t accusatory.\t \u201cYou\t said\t this whole\tweek\tthat\tyou\twere\tgonna\tplay\twith\tme\tand\tyou\tlied.\u201d Ben\t then\t stalks\t off\t to\t his\t empty\t table,\t crying\t quietly.\t Jason\t and Chad\tgo\tover\tto\thim\tand\ttry\tto\ttalk\tto\thim,\tbut\tBen\tputs\this\tfingers\tin his\t ears,\t determinedly\t ignoring\t them,\t and\t runs\t out\t of\t the\t lunchroom to\t hide\t behind\t the\t school\t Dumpster.\t A\t group\t of\t girls\t who\t have witnessed\t the\t exchange\t try\t to\t play\t a\t peacemaker\t role,\t finding\t Ben and\t telling\t him\t that\t Jason\t is\t willing\t to\t play\t with\t him\t too.\t But\t Ben will\thave\tnone\tof\tit,\tand\ttells\tthem\tto\tleave\thim\talone.\tHe\tnurses\this wounds,\tsulking\tand\tsobbing,\tdefiantly\talone.41 A\t poignant\t moment,\t to\t be\t sure;\t the\t feeling\t of\t being\t rejected\t and friendless\t is\t one\t most\t everyone\t goes\t through\t at\t some\t point\t in childhood\t or\t adolescence.\t But\t what\t is\t most\t telling\t about\t Ben\u2019s reaction\t is\t his\t failure\t to\t respond\t to\t Jason\u2019s\t efforts\t to\t repair\t their friendship,\ta\tstance\tthat\textends\this\tplight\twhen\tit\tmight\thave\tended. Such\t an\t inability\t to\t seize\t key\t cues\t is\t typical\t of\t children\t who\t are","unpopular;\tas\twe\tsaw\tin\tChapter\t8,\tsocially\trejected\tchildren\ttypically are\t poor\t at\t reading\t emotional\t and\t social\t signals;\t even\t when\t they\t do read\tsuch\tsignals,\tthey\tmay\thave\tlimited\trepertoires\tfor\tresponse. Dropping\t out\t of\t school\t is\t a\t particular\t risk\t for\t children\t who\t are social\trejects.\tThe\tdropout\trate\tfor\tchildren\twho\tare\trejected\tby\ttheir peers\t is\t between\t two\t and\t eight\t times\t greater\t than\t for\t children\t who have\t friends.\t One\t study\t found,\t for\t example,\t that\t about\t 25\t percent\t of children\t who\t were\t unpopular\t in\t elementary\t school\t had\t dropped\t out before\t completing\t high\t school,\t compared\t to\t a\t general\t rate\t of\t 8 percent.42\t Small\t wonder:\t imagine\t spending\t thirty\t hours\t a\t week\t in\t a place\twhere\tno\tone\tlikes\tyou. Two\tkinds\tof\temotional\tproclivities\tlead\tchildren\tto\tend\tup\tas\tsocial outcasts.\t As\t we\t have\t seen,\t one\t is\t the\t propensity\t to\t angry\t outbursts and\t to\t perceive\t hostility\t even\t where\t none\t is\t intended.\t The\t second\t is being\t timid,\t anxious,\t and\t socially\t shy.\t But\t over\t and\t above\t these temperamental\t factors,\t it\t is\t children\t who\t are\t \u201coff\u201d\u2014whose awkwardness\t repeatedly\t makes\t people\t uncomfortable\u2014who\t tend\t to be\tshunted\taside. One\t way\t these\t children\t are\t \u201coff\u201d\t is\t in\t the\t emotional\t signals\t they send.\tWhen\tgrade\tschoolers\twith\tfew\tfriends\twere\tasked\tto\tmatch\tan emotion\tsuch\tas\tdisgust\tor\tanger\twith\tfaces\tthat\tdisplayed\ta\trange\tof emotions,\t they\t made\t far\t more\t mismatches\t than\t did\t children\t who were\tpopular.\tWhen\tkindergarteners\twere\tasked\tto\texplain\tways\tthey might\tmake\tfriends\twith\tsomeone\tor\tkeep\tfrom\thaving\ta\tfight,\tit\twas the\t unpopular\t children\u2014the\t ones\t others\t shied\t away\t from\t playing with\u2014who\t came\t up\t with\t self-defeating\t answers\t (\u201cPunch\t him\u201d\t for what\tto\tdo\twhen\tboth\tchildren\twanted\tthe\tsame\ttoy,\tfor\texample),\tor vague\t appeals\t for\t help\t from\t a\t grown-up.\t And\t when\t teenagers\t were asked\t to\t role-play\t being\t sad,\t angry,\t or\t mischievous,\t the\t more unpopular\t among\t them\t gave\t the\t least\t convincing\t performances.\t It\t is perhaps\t no\t surprise\t that\t such\t children\t come\t to\t feel\t that\t they\t are helpless\tto\tdo\tany\tbetter\tat\tmaking\tfriends;\ttheir\tsocial\tincompetence becomes\ta\tself-fulfilling\tprophecy.\tInstead\tof\tlearning\tnew\tapproaches to\t making\t friends,\t they\t simply\t keep\t doing\t the\t same\t things\t that\t have not\t worked\t for\t them\t in\t the\t past,\t or\t come\t up\t with\t even\t more\t inept responses.43 In\t the\t lottery\t of\t liking,\t these\t children\t fall\t short\t on\t key\t emotional criteria:\tthey\tare\tnot\tseen\tas\tfun\tto\tbe\twith,\tand\tthey\tdon\u2019t\tknow\thow to\t make\t another\t child\t feel\t good.\t Observations\t of\t unpopular\t children at\tplay\tshow,\tfor\texample,\tthat\tthey\tare\tmuch\tmore\tlikely\tthan\tothers","to\tcheat,\tsulk,\tquit\twhen\tlosing,\tor\tshow\toff\tand\tbrag\tabout\twinning. Of\t course,\t most\t children\t want\t to\t win\t at\t a\t game\u2014but\t win\t or\t lose, most\t children\t are\t able\t to\t contain\t their\t emotional\t reaction\t so\t that\t it does\t not\t undermine\t the\t relationship\t with\t the\t friend\t they\t play\t games with. While\t children\t who\t are\t socially\t tone-deaf\u2014who\t continually\t have trouble\t reading\t and\t responding\t to\t emotions\u2014end\t up\t as\t social isolates,\t this\t does\t not\t apply,\t of\t course,\t to\t children\t who\t go\t through\t a temporary\tperiod\tof\tfeeling\tleft\tout.\tBut\tfor\tthose\twho\tare\tcontinually excluded\t and\t rejected,\t their\t painful\t outcast\t status\t clings\t to\t them\t as they\t continue\t their\t school\t years.\t The\t consequences\t of\t ending\t up\t at the\t social\t margins\t are\t potentially\t great\t as\t a\t child\t continues\t on\t into adulthood.\t For\t one,\t it\t is\t in\t the\t cauldron\t of\t close\t friendships\t and\t the tumult\tof\tplay\tthat\tchildren\trefine\tthe\tsocial\tand\temotional\tskills\tthat they\t will\t bring\t to\t relationships\t later\t in\t life.\t Children\t who\t are excluded\tfrom\tthis\trealm\tof\tlearning\tare,\tinevitably,\tdisadvantaged. Understandably,\t those\t who\t are\t rejected\t report\t great\t anxiety\t and many\t worries,\t as\t well\t as\t being\t depressed\t and\t lonely.\t In\t fact,\t how popular\t a\t child\t was\t in\t third\t grade\t has\t been\t shown\t to\t be\t a\t better predictor\t of\t mental-health\t problems\t at\t age\t eighteen\t than\t anything else\u2014teachers\u2019\t and\t nurses\u2019\t ratings,\t school\t performance\t and\t IQ,\t even scores\ton\tpsychological\ttests.44\t And,\t as\t we\t have\t seen,\t in\t later\t stages of\t life\t people\t who\t have\t few\t friends\t and\t are\t chronically\t lonely\t are\t at greater\trisk\tfor\tmedical\tdiseases\tand\tan\tearly\tdeath. As\tpsychoanalyst\tHarry\tStack\tSullivan\tpointed\tout,\twe\tlearn\thow\tto negotiate\t intimate\t relations\u2014to\t work\t out\t differences\t and\t share\t our deepest\t feelings\u2014in\t our\t first\t close\t friendships\t with\t same-sex\t chums. But\t children\t who\t are\t socially\t rejected\t are\t only\t half\t as\t likely\t as\t their peers\t to\t have\t a\t best\t friend\t during\t the\t crucial\t years\t of\t elementary school,\tand\tso\tmiss\tout\ton\tone\tof\tthe\tessential\tchances\tfor\temotional growth.45\t One\t friend\t can\t make\t the\t difference\u2014even\t when\t all\t others turn\ttheir\tbacks\t(and\teven\twhen\tthat\tfriendship\tis\tnot\tall\tthat\tsolid). COACHING\tFOR\tFRIENDSHIP There\t is\t hope\t for\t rejected\t children,\t despite\t their\t ineptness.\t Steven Asher,\t a\t University\t of\t Illinois\t psychologist,\t has\t designed\t a\t series\t of \u201cfriendship\t coaching\u201d\t sessions\t for\t unpopular\t children\t that\t has\t shown some\t success.46\t Identifying\t third\t and\t fourth\t graders\t who\t were\t the","least\t liked\t in\t their\t classes,\t Asher\t gave\t them\t six\t sessions\t in\t how\t to \u201cmake\t playing\t games\t more\t fun\u201d\t through\t being\t \u201cfriendly,\t fun,\t and nice.\u201d\tTo\tavoid\tstigma,\tthe\tchildren\twere\ttold\tthat\tthey\twere\tacting\tas \u201cconsultants\u201d\t to\t the\t coach,\t who\t was\t trying\t to\t learn\t what\t kinds\t of things\tmake\tit\tmore\tenjoyable\tto\tplay\tgames. The\t children\t were\t coached\t to\t act\t in\t ways\t Asher\t had\t found\t typical of\tmore\tpopular\tchildren.\tFor\texample,\tthey\twere\tencouraged\tto\tthink of\t alternative\t suggestions\t and\t compromises\t (rather\t than\t fighting)\t if they\t disagree\t about\t the\t rules;\t to\t remember\t to\t talk\t with\t and\t ask questions\t about\t the\t other\t child\t while\t they\t play;\t to\t listen\t and\t look\t at the\tother\tchild\tto\tsee\thow\the\u2019s\tdoing;\tto\tsay\tsomething\tnice\twhen\tthe other\t person\t does\t well;\t to\t smile\t and\t offer\t help\t or\t suggestions\t and encouragement.\t The\t children\t also\t tried\t out\t these\t basic\t social amenities\t while\t playing\t games\t such\t as\t Pick-up\t Sticks\t with\t a classmate,\t and\t were\t coached\t afterward\t on\t how\t well\t they\t did.\t This minicourse\t in\t getting\t along\t had\t a\t remarkable\t effect:\t a\t year\t later\t the children\twho\twere\tcoached\u2014all\tof\twhom\twere\tselected\tbecause\tthey were\t the\t least-liked\t in\t their\t class\u2014were\t now\t solidly\t in\t the\t middle\t of classroom\tpopularity.\tNone\twere\tsocial\tstars,\tbut\tnone\twere\trejects. Similar\t results\t have\t been\t found\t by\t Stephen\t Nowicki,\t an\t Emory University\t psychologist.47\t His\t program\t trains\t social\t outcasts\t to\t hone their\t ability\t to\t read\t and\t respond\t appropriately\t to\t other\t children\u2019s feelings.\t The\t children,\t for\t example,\t are\t videotaped\t while\t practicing expression\tof\tfeelings\tsuch\tas\thappiness\tand\tsadness,\tand\tare\tcoached to\t improve\t their\t emotional\t expressiveness.\t They\t then\t try\t out\t their newly\thoned\tskills\twith\ta\tchild\tthey\twant\tto\tmake\tfriends\twith. Such\t programs\t have\t reported\t a\t 50\t to\t 60\t percent\t success\t rate\t in raising\tthe\tpopularity\tof\trejected\tchildren.\tThese\tprograms\t(at\tleast\tas presently\t designed)\t seem\t to\t work\t best\t for\t third\t and\t fourth\t graders rather\t than\t children\t in\t higher\t grades,\t and\t to\t be\t more\t helpful\t for socially\tinept\tchildren\tthan\tfor\thighly\taggressive\tones.\tBut\tthat\tis\tall\ta matter\tfor\tfine-tuning;\tthe\thopeful\tsign\tis\tthat\tmany\tor\tmost\trejected children\t can\t be\t brought\t into\t the\t circle\t of\t friendship\t with\t some\t basic emotional\tcoaching. DRINKING\tAND\tDRUGS:\tADDICTION\tAS\tSELF-MEDICATION Students\tat\tthe\tlocal\tcampus\tcall\tit\tdrinking\tto\tblack\u2014bingeing\ton\tbeer to\tthe\tpoint\tof\tpassing\tout.\tOne\tof\tthe\ttechniques:\tattach\ta\tfunnel\tto\ta","garden\t hose,\t so\t that\t a\t can\t of\t beer\t can\t be\t downed\t in\t about\t ten seconds.\tThe\tmethod\tis\tnot\tan\tisolated\toddity.\tOne\tsurvey\tfound\tthat two\t fifths\t of\t male\t college\t students\t down\t seven\t or\t more\t drinks\t at\t a time,\t while\t 11\t percent\t call\t themselves\t \u201cheavy\t drinkers.\u201d\t Another term,\t of\t course,\t might\t be\t \u201calcoholics.\u201d48\t About\t half\t of\t college\t men and\t almost\t 40\t percent\t of\t women\t have\t at\t least\t two\t binge-drinking episodes\tin\ta\tmonth.49 While\t in\t the\t United\t States\t use\t of\t most\t drugs\t among\t young\t people generally\t tapered\t off\t in\t the\t 1980s,\t there\t is\t a\t steady\t trend\t toward more\t alcohol\t use\t at\t ever-younger\t ages.\t A\t 1993\t survey\t found\t that\t 35 percent\tof\tcollege\twomen\tsaid\tthey\tdrank\tto\tget\tdrunk,\twhile\tjust\t10 percent\t did\t so\t in\t 1977;\t overall,\t one\t in\t three\t students\t drinks\t to\t get drunk.\t That\t poses\t other\t risks:\t 90\t percent\t of\t all\t rapes\t reported\t on college\t campuses\t happened\t when\t either\t the\t assailant\t or\t the\t victim\u2014 or\t both\u2014had\t been\t drinking.50\t Alcohol-related\t accidents\t are\t the leading\t cause\t of\t death\t among\t young\t people\t between\t fifteen\t and twenty-four.51 Experimentation\t with\t drugs\t and\t alcohol\t might\t seem\t a\t rite\t of passage\t for\t adolescents,\t but\t this\t first\t taste\t can\t have\t long-lasting results\tfor\tsome.\tFor\tmost\talcoholics\tand\tdrug\tabusers,\tthe\tbeginnings of\t addiction\t can\t be\t traced\t to\t their\t teen\t years,\t though\t few\t of\t those who\t so\t experiment\t end\t up\t as\t alcoholics\t or\t drug\t abusers.\t By\t the\t time students\t leave\t high\t school,\t over\t 90\t percent\t have\t tried\t alcohol,\t yet only\tabout\t14\tpercent\teventually\tbecome\talcoholics;\tof\tthe\tmillions\tof Americans\t who\t experimented\t with\t cocaine,\t fewer\t than\t 5\t percent became\taddicted.52\tWhat\tmakes\tthe\tdifference? To\t be\t sure,\t those\t living\t in\t high-crime\t neighborhoods,\t where\t crack is\tsold\ton\tthe\tcorner\tand\tthe\tdrug\tdealer\tis\tthe\tmost\tprominent\tlocal model\tof\teconomic\tsuccess,\tare\tmost\tat\trisk\tfor\tsubstance\tabuse.\tSome may\t end\t up\t addicted\t through\t becoming\t small-time\t dealers themselves,\tothers\tsimply\tbecause\tof\tthe\teasy\taccess\tor\ta\tpeer\tculture that\tglamorizes\tdrugs\u2014a\tfactor\tthat\theightens\tthe\trisk\tof\tdrug\tuse\tin any\t neighborhood,\t even\t (and\t perhaps\t especially)\t the\t most\t well-off. But\t still\t the\t question\t remains,\t of\t the\t pool\t of\t those\t exposed\t to\t these lures\t and\t pressures,\t and\t who\t go\t on\t to\t experiment,\t which\t ones\t are most\tlikely\tto\tend\tup\twith\ta\tlasting\thabit? One\t current\t scientific\t theory\t is\t that\t those\t who\t stay\t with\t the\t habit, becoming\tincreasingly\tdependent\ton\talcohol\tor\tdrugs,\tare\tusing\tthese substances\t as\t a\t medication\t of\t sorts,\t a\t way\t to\t soothe\t feelings\t of anxiety,\t anger,\t or\t depression.\t Through\t their\t early\t experimentation","they\thit\tupon\ta\tchemical\tfix,\ta\tway\tto\tcalm\tthe\tfeelings\tof\tanxiety\tor melancholy\t that\t have\t tormented\t them.\t Thus\t of\t several\t hundred seventh-\tand\teighth-grade\tstudents\ttracked\tfor\ttwo\tyears,\tit\twas\tthose who\t reported\t higher\t levels\t of\t emotional\t distress\t who\t subsequently went\t on\t to\t have\t the\t highest\t rates\t of\t substance\t abuse.53\t This\t may explain\twhy\tso\tmany\tyoung\tpeople\tare\table\tto\texperiment\twith\tdrugs and\t drinking\t without\t becoming\t addicted,\t while\t others\t become dependent\t almost\t from\t the\t start:\t those\t most\t vulnerable\t to\t addiction seem\tto\tfind\tin\tthe\tdrug\tor\talcohol\tan\tinstant\tway\tto\tsoothe\temotions that\thave\tdistressed\tthem\tfor\tyears. As\t Ralph\t Tarter,\t a\t psychologist\t at\t the\t Western\t Psychiatric\t Institute and\t Clinic\t in\t Pittsburgh,\t put\t it,\t \u201cFor\t people\t who\t are\t biologically predisposed,\tthe\tfirst\tdrink\tor\tdose\tof\ta\tdrug\tis\timmensely\treinforcing, in\t a\t way\t others\t just\t don\u2019t\t experience.\t Many\t recovering\t drug\t abusers tell\t me,\t \u2018The\t moment\t I\t took\t my\t first\t drug,\t I\t felt\t normal\t for\t the\t first time.\u2019\t It\t stabilizes\t them\t physiologically,\t at\t least\t in\t the\t short\t term.\u201d54 That,\t of\t course,\t is\t the\t devil\u2019s\t bargain\t of\t addiction:\t a\t short-term\t good feeling\tin\texchange\tfor\tthe\tsteady\tmeltdown\tof\tone\u2019s\tlife. Certain\temotional\tpatterns\tseem\tto\tmake\tpeople\tmore\tlikely\tto\tfind emotional\t relief\t in\t one\t substance\t rather\t than\t another.\t For\t example, there\t are\t two\t emotional\t pathways\t to\t alcoholism.\t One\t starts\t with someone\t who\t was\t high-strung\t and\t anxious\t in\t childhood,\t who typically\t discovers\t as\t a\t teenager\t that\t alcohol\t will\t calm\t the\t anxiety. Very\t often\t they\t are\t children\u2014usually\t sons\u2014of\t alcoholics\t who themselves\t have\t turned\t to\t alcohol\t to\t soothe\t their\t nerves.\t One biological\t marker\t for\t this\t pattern\t is\t undersecretion\t of\t GABA,\t a neurotransmitter\t that\t regulates\t anxiety\u2014too\t little\t GABA\t is experienced\t as\t a\t high\t level\t of\t tension.\t One\t study\t found\t that\t sons\t of alcoholic\tfathers\thad\tlow\tlevels\tof\tGABA\tand\twere\thighly\tanxious,\tbut when\t they\t drank\t alcohol,\t their\t GABA\t levels\t rose\t as\t their\t anxiety fell.55\t These\t sons\t of\t alcoholics\t drink\t to\t ease\t their\t tension,\t finding\t in alcohol\t a\t relaxation\t that\t they\t could\t not\t seem\t to\t get\t otherwise.\t Such people\t may\t be\t vulnerable\t to\t abusing\t sedatives\t as\t well\t as\t alcohol\t for the\tsame\tanxiety-reduction\teffect. A\tneuropsychological\tstudy\tof\tsons\tof\talcoholics\twho\tat\tage\ttwelve showed\tsigns\tof\tanxiety\tsuch\tas\ta\theightened\theart\trate\tin\tresponse\tto stress,\t as\t well\t as\t impulsivity,\t found\t the\t boys\t also\t had\t poor\t frontal lobe\t functioning.56\t Thus\t the\t brain\t areas\t that\t might\t have\t helped\t ease their\t anxiety\t or\t control\t their\t impulsiveness\t brought\t them\t less\t help than\t in\t other\t boys.\t And\t since\t the\t pre-frontal\t lobes\t also\t handle","working\t memory\u2014which\t holds\t in\t mind\t the\t consequences\t of\t various routes\tof\taction\twhile\tmaking\ta\tdecision\u2014their\tdeficit\tcould\tsupport\ta slide\tinto\talcoholism\tby\thelping\tthem\tignore\tthe\tlong-term\tdrawbacks of\t drinking,\t even\t as\t they\t found\t an\t immediate\t sedation\t from\t anxiety through\talcohol. This\tcraving\tfor\tcalm\tseems\tto\tbe\tan\temotional\tmarker\tof\ta\tgenetic susceptibility\t to\t alcoholism.\t A\t study\t of\t thirteen\t hundred\t relatives\t of alcoholics\tfound\tthat\tthe\tchildren\tof\talcoholics\twho\twere\tmost\tat\trisk for\t becoming\t alcoholics\t themselves\t were\t those\t who\t reported\t having chronically\t high\t levels\t of\t anxiety.\t Indeed,\t the\t researchers\t concluded that\talcoholism\tdevelops\tin\tsuch\tpeople\tas\t\u201cself-medication\tof\tanxiety symptoms.\u201d57 A\tsecond\temotional\tpathway\tto\talcoholism\tcomes\tfrom\ta\thigh\tlevel of\t agitation,\t impulsivity,\t and\t boredom.\t This\t pattern\t shows\t up\t in infancy\t as\t being\t restless,\t cranky,\t and\t hard\t to\t handle,\t in\t grade\t school as\t having\t the\t \u201cfidgets,\u201d\t hyperactivity,\t and\t getting\t into\t trouble,\t a propensity\t that,\t as\t we\t have\t seen,\t can\t push\t such\t children\t to\t seek\t out friends\t on\t the\t fringe\u2014sometimes\t leading\t to\t a\t criminal\t career\t or\t the diagnosis\t of\t \u201cantisocial\t personality\t disorder.\u201d\t Such\t people\t (and\t they are\t mainly\t men)\t have\t as\t their\t main\t emotional\t complaint\t agitation; their\t main\t weakness\t is\t unrestrained\t impulsivity;\t their\t usual\t reaction to\t boredom\u2014which\t they\t often\t feel\u2014is\t an\t impulsive\t search\t for\t risk and\t excitement.\t As\t adults,\t people\t with\t this\t pattern\t (which\t may\t be tied\t to\t deficiencies\t in\t two\t other\t neurotransmitters,\t serotonin\t and MAO)\t find\t that\t alcohol\t can\t soothe\t their\t agitation.\t And\t the\t fact\t that they\tcan\u2019t\tstand\tmonotony\tmakes\tthem\tready\tto\ttry\tanything;\tcoupled with\t their\t general\t impulsivity,\t it\t makes\t them\t prone\t to\t abusing\t an almost\trandom\tlist\tof\tdrugs\tbesides\talcohol.58 While\t depression\t can\t drive\t some\t to\t drink,\t the\t metabolic\t effects\t of alcohol\t often\t simply\t worsen\t the\t depression\t after\t a\t short\t lift.\t People who\tturn\tto\talcohol\tas\tan\temotional\tpalliative\tdo\tso\tmuch\tmore\toften to\t calm\t anxiety\t than\t for\t depression;\t an\t entirely\t different\t class\t of drugs\t soothes\t the\t feelings\t of\t people\t who\t are\t depressed\u2014at\t least temporarily.\t Feeling\t chronically\t unhappy\t puts\t people\t at\t greater\t risk for\t addiction\t to\t stimulants\t such\t as\t cocaine,\t which\t provide\t a\t direct antidote\tto\tfeeling\tdepressed.\tOne\tstudy\tfound\tthat\tmore\tthan\thalf\tthe patients\t being\t treated\t at\t a\t clinic\t for\t cocaine\t addiction\t would\t have been\tdiagnosed\twith\tsevere\tdepression\tbefore\tthey\tstarted\ttheir\thabit, and\tthe\tdeeper\tthe\tpreceding\tdepression,\tthe\tstronger\tthe\thabit.59 Chronic\t anger\t may\t lead\t to\t still\t another\t kind\t of\t susceptibility.\t In\t a","study\t of\t four\t hundred\t patients\t being\t treated\t for\t addiction\t to\t heroin and\t other\t opioids,\t the\t most\t striking\t emotional\t pattern\t was\t a\t lifelong difficulty\thandling\tanger\tand\ta\tquickness\tto\trage.\tSome\tof\tthe\tpatients themselves\t said\t that\t with\t opiates\t they\t finally\t felt\t normal\t and relaxed.60 Though\t the\t predisposition\t to\t substance\t abuse\t may,\t in\t many\t cases, be\t brain-based,\t the\t feelings\t that\t drive\t people\t to\t \u201cself-medicate\u201d themselves\tthrough\tdrink\tor\tdrugs\tcan\tbe\thandled\twithout\trecourse\tto medication,\t as\t Alcoholics\t Anonymous\t and\t other\t recovery\t programs have\t demonstrated\t for\t decades.\t Acquiring\t the\t ability\t to\t handle\t those feelings\u2014soothing\t anxiety,\t lifting\t depression,\t calming\t rage\u2014removes the\t impetus\t to\t use\t drugs\t or\t alcohol\t in\t the\t first\t place.\t These\t basic emotional\tskills\tare\ttaught\tremedially\tin\ttreatment\tprograms\tfor\tdrug and\t alcohol\t abuse.\t It\t would\t be\t far\t better,\t of\t course,\t if\t they\t were learned\tearly\tin\tlife,\twell\tbefore\tthe\thabit\tbecame\testablished. NO\tMORE\tWARS:\tA\tFINAL\tCOMMON\tPREVENTIVE\tPATHWAY Over\t the\t last\t decade\t or\t so\t \u201cwars\u201d\t have\t been\t proclaimed,\t in\t turn,\t on teen\tpregnancy,\tdropping\tout,\tdrugs,\tand\tmost\trecently\tviolence.\tThe trouble\twith\tsuch\tcampaigns,\tthough,\tis\tthat\tthey\tcome\ttoo\tlate,\tafter the\t targeted\t problem\t has\t reached\t epidemic\t proportions\t and\t taken firm\t root\t in\t the\t lives\t of\t the\t young.\t They\t are\t crisis\t intervention,\t the equivalent\t of\t solving\t a\t problem\t by\t sending\t an\t ambulance\t to\t the rescue\t rather\t than\t giving\t an\t inoculation\t that\t would\t ward\t off\t the disease\t in\t the\t first\t place.\t Instead\t of\t more\t such\t \u201cwars,\u201d\t what\t we\t need is\tto\tfollow\tthe\tlogic\tof\tprevention,\toffering\tour\tchildren\tthe\tskills\tfor facing\t life\t that\t will\t increase\t their\t chances\t of\t avoiding\t any\t and\t all\t of these\tfates.61 My\tfocus\ton\tthe\tplace\tof\temotional\tand\tsocial\tdeficits\tis\tnot\tto\tdeny the\t role\t of\t other\t risk\t factors,\t such\t as\t growing\t up\t in\t a\t fragmented, abusive,\t or\t chaotic\t family,\t or\t in\t an\t impoverished,\t crime-\t and\t drug- ridden\t neighborhood.\t Poverty\t itself\t delivers\t emotional\t blows\t to children:\tpoorer\tchildren\tat\tage\tfive\tare\talready\tmore\tfearful,\tanxious, and\tsad\tthan\ttheir\tbetter-off\tpeers,\tand\thave\tmore\tbehavior\tproblems such\t as\t frequent\t tantrums\t and\t destroying\t things,\t a\t trend\t that continues\tthrough\tthe\tteen\tyears.\tThe\tpress\tof\tpoverty\tcorrodes\tfamily life\ttoo:\tthere\ttend\tto\tbe\tfewer\texpressions\tof\tparental\twarmth,\tmore depression\t in\t mothers\t (who\t are\t often\t single\t and\t jobless),\t and\t a","greater\t reliance\t on\t harsh\t punishments\t such\t as\t yelling,\t hitting,\t and physical\tthreats.62 But\tthere\tis\ta\trole\tthat\temotional\tcompetence\tplays\tover\tand\tabove family\t and\t economic\t forces\u2014it\t may\t be\t decisive\t in\t determining\t the extent\t to\t which\t any\t given\t child\t or\t teenager\t is\t undone\t by\t these hardships\t or\t finds\t a\t core\t of\t resilience\t to\t survive\t them.\t Long-term studies\t of\t hundreds\t of\t children\t brought\t up\t in\t poverty,\t in\t abusive families,\t or\t by\t a\t parent\t with\t severe\t mental\t illness\t show\t that\t those who\tare\tresilient\teven\tin\tthe\tface\tof\tthe\tmost\tgrinding\thardships\ttend to\t share\t key\t emotional\t skills.63\t These\t include\t a\t winning\t sociability that\t draws\t people\t to\t them,\t self-confidence,\t an\t optimistic\t persistence in\t the\t face\t of\t failure\t and\t frustration,\t the\t ability\t to\t recover\t quickly from\tupsets,\tand\tan\teasygoing\tnature. But\tthe\tvast\tmajority\tof\tchildren\tface\tsuch\tdifficulties\twithout\tthese advantages.\t Of\t course,\t many\t of\t these\t skills\t are\t innate,\t the\t luck\t of genes\u2014but\t even\t qualities\t of\t temperament\t can\t change\t for\t the\t better, as\t we\t saw\t in\t Chapter\t 14.\t One\t line\t of\t intervention,\t of\t course,\t is political\t and\t economic,\t alleviating\t the\t poverty\t and\t other\t social conditions\t that\t breed\t these\t problems.\t But\t apart\t from\t these\t tactics (which\t seem\t to\t move\t ever\t lower\t on\t the\t social\t agenda)\t there\t is\t much that\tcan\tbe\toffered\tto\tchildren\tto\thelp\tthem\tgrapple\tbetter\twith\tsuch debilitating\thardships. Take\t the\t case\t of\t emotional\t disorders,\t afflictions\t that\t about\t one\t in two\t Americans\t experiences\t over\t the\t course\t of\t life.\t A\t study\t of\t a representative\t sample\t of\t 8,098\t Americans\t found\t that\t 48\t percent suffered\tfrom\tat\tleast\tone\tpsychiatric\tproblem\tduring\ttheir\tlifetime.64 Most\t severely\t affected\t were\t the\t 14\t percent\t of\t people\t who\t developed three\t or\t more\t psychiatric\t problems\t at\t once.\t This\t group\t was\t the\t most troubled,\t accounting\t for\t 60\t percent\t of\t all\t psychiatric\t disorders occurring\t at\t any\t one\t time,\t and\t 90\t percent\t of\t the\t most\t severe\t and disabling\t ones.\t While\t they\t need\t intensive\t care\t now,\t the\t optimal approach\t would\t be,\t wherever\t possible,\t to\t prevent\t these\t problems\t in the\tfirst\tplace.\tTo\tbe\tsure,\tnot\tevery\tmental\tdisorder\tcan\tbe\tprevented \u2014but\tthere\tare\tsome,\tand\tperhaps\tmany,\tthat\tcan.\tRonald\tKessler,\tthe University\t of\t Michigan\t sociologist\t who\t did\t the\t study,\t told\t me,\t \u201cWe need\t to\t intervene\t early\t in\t life.\t Take\t a\t young\t girl\t who\t has\t a\t social phobia\tin\tthe\tsixth\tgrade,\tand\tstarts\tdrinking\tin\tjunior\thigh\tschool\tto handle\t her\t social\t anxieties.\t By\t her\t late\t twenties,\t when\t she\t shows\t up in\t our\t study,\t she\u2019s\t still\t fearful,\t has\t become\t both\t an\t alcohol\t and\t drug abuser,\t and\t is\t depressed\t because\t her\t life\t is\t so\t messed\t up.\t The\t big","question\tis,\twhat\tcould\twe\thave\tdone\tearly\tin\ther\tlife\tto\thave\theaded off\tthe\twhole\tdownward\tspiral?\u201d The\tsame\tholds,\tof\tcourse,\tfor\tdropping\tout\tor\tviolence,\tor\tmost\tof the\t litany\t of\t perils\t faced\t by\t young\t people\t today.\t Educational programs\tto\tprevent\tone\tor\tanother\tspecific\tproblem\tsuch\tas\tdrug\tuse and\tviolence\thave\tproliferated\twildly\tin\tthe\tlast\tdecade\tor\tso,\tcreating a\t mini-industry\t within\t the\t education\t marketplace.\t But\t many\t of\t them \u2014including\tmany\tof\tthe\tmost\tslickly\tmarketed\tand\tmost\twidely\tused \u2014have\t proven\t to\t be\t ineffective.\t A\t few,\t to\t the\t chagrin\t of\t educators, even\t seemed\t to\t increase\t the\t likelihood\t of\t the\t problems\t they\t were meant\tto\thead\toff,\tparticularly\tdrug\tabuse\tand\tteen\tsex. Information\tIs\tNot\tEnough An\t instructive\t case\t in\t point\t is\t sexual\t abuse\t of\t children.\t As\t of\t 1993, about\t two\t hundred\t thousand\t substantiated\t cases\t were\t reported annually\tin\tthe\tUnited\tStates,\twith\tthat\tnumber\tgrowing\tby\tabout\t10 percent\tper\tyear.\tAnd\twhile\testimates\tvary\twidely,\tmost\texperts\tagree that\tbetween\t20\tand\t30\tpercent\tof\tgirls\tand\tabout\thalf\tthat\tnumber\tof boys\t are\t victims\t of\t some\t form\t of\t sexual\t abuse\t by\t age\t seventeen\t (the figures\t rise\t or\t fall\t depending\t on\t how\t sexual\t abuse\t is\t defined,\t among other\t factors).65\t There\t is\t no\t single\t profile\t of\t a\t child\t who\t is particularly\t vulnerable\t to\t sexual\t abuse,\t but\t most\t feel\t unprotected, unable\t to\t resist\t on\t their\t own,\t and\t isolated\t by\t what\t has\t happened\t to them. With\t these\t risks\t in\t mind,\t many\t schools\t have\t begun\t to\t offer programs\t to\t prevent\t sexual\t abuse.\t Most\t such\t programs\t are\t tightly focused\t on\t basic\t information\t about\t sexual\t abuse,\t teaching\t kids,\t for example,\tto\tknow\tthe\tdifference\tbetween\t\u201cgood\u201d\tand\t\u201cbad\u201d\ttouching, alerting\tthem\tto\tthe\tdangers,\tand\tencouraging\tthem\tto\ttell\tan\tadult\tif anything\t untoward\t happens\t to\t them.\t But\t a\t national\t survey\t of\t two thousand\tchildren\tfound\tthat\tthis\tbasic\ttraining\twas\tlittle\tbetter\tthan nothing\u2014or\t actually\t worse\t than\t nothing\u2014in\t helping\t children\t do something\tto\tprevent\tbeing\tvictimized,\twhether\tby\ta\tschool\tbully\tor\ta potential\t child\t molester.66\t Worse,\t the\t children\t who\t had\t only\t such basic\t programs\t and\t who\t had\t subsequently\t become\t victims\t of\t sexual assault\t were\t actually\t half\t as\t likely\t to\t report\t it\t afterward\t than\t were children\twho\thad\thad\tno\tprograms\tat\tall. By\t contrast,\t children\t given\t more\t comprehensive\t training\u2014 including\trelated\temotional\tand\tsocial\tcompetences\u2014were\tbetter\table","to\tprotect\tthemselves\tagainst\tthe\tthreat\tof\tbeing\tvictimized:\tthey\twere far\t more\t likely\t to\t demand\t to\t be\t left\t alone,\t to\t yell\t or\t fight\t back,\t to threaten\t to\t tell,\t and\t to\t actually\t tell\t if\t something\t bad\t did\t happen\t to them.\tThis\tlast\tbenefit\u2014reporting\tthe\tabuse\u2014is\tpreventive\tin\ta\ttelling sense:\tmany\tchild\tmolesters\tvictimize\thundreds\tof\tchildren.\tA\tstudy\tof child\t molesters\t in\t their\t forties\t found\t that,\t on\t average,\t they\t had\t one victim\ta\tmonth\tsince\ttheir\tteenage\tyears.\tA\treport\ton\ta\tbus\tdriver\tand a\t high-school\t computer\t teacher\t reveals\t they\t molested\t about\t three hundred\t children\t each\t year\t between\t them\u2014yet\t not\t one\t of\t the children\treported\tthe\tsexual\tabuse;\tthe\tabuse\tcame\tto\tlight\tonly\tafter one\t of\t the\t boys\t who\t had\t been\t abused\t by\t the\t teacher\t started\t to sexually\tabuse\this\tsister.67 Those\t children\t who\t got\t the\t more\t comprehensive\t programs\t were three\t times\t more\t likely\t than\t those\t in\t minimal\t programs\t to\t report abuse.\t What\t worked\t so\t well?\t These\t programs\t were\t not\t one-shot topics,\tbut\twere\tgiven\tat\tdifferent\tlevels\tseveral\ttimes\tover\tthe\tcourse of\t a\t child\u2019s\t school\t career,\t as\t part\t of\t health\t or\t sex\t education.\t They enlisted\t parents\t to\t deliver\t the\t message\t to\t the\t child\t along\t with\t what was\t taught\t in\t school\t (children\t whose\t parents\t did\t this\t were\t the\t very best\tat\tresisting\tthreats\tof\tsexual\tabuse). Beyond\t that,\t social\t and\t emotional\t competences\t made\t the difference.\t It\t is\t not\t enough\t for\t a\t child\t simply\t to\t know\t about\t \u201cgood\u201d and\t\u201cbad\u201d\ttouching;\tchildren\tneed\tthe\tself-awareness\tto\tknow\twhen\ta situation\t feels\t wrong\t or\t distressing\t long\t before\t the\t touching\t begins. This\t entails\t not\t just\t self-awareness,\t but\t also\t enough\t self-confidence and\tassertiveness\tto\ttrust\tand\tact\ton\tthose\tfeelings\tof\tdistress,\teven\tin the\tface\tof\tan\tadult\twho\tmay\tbe\ttrying\tto\treassure\ther\tthat\t\u201cit\u2019s\tokay.\u201d And\t then\t a\t child\t needs\t a\t repertoire\t of\t ways\t to\t disrupt\t what\t is\t about to\t happen\u2014everything\t from\t running\t away\t to\t threatening\t to\t tell.\t For these\treasons,\tthe\tbetter\tprograms\tteach\tchildren\tto\tstand\tup\tfor\twhat they\twant,\tto\tassert\ttheir\trights\trather\tthan\tbe\tpassive,\tto\tknow\twhat their\tboundaries\tare\tand\tdefend\tthem. The\t most\t effective\t programs,\t then,\t supplemented\t the\t basic\t sexual- abuse\t information\t with\t essential\t emotional\t and\t social\t skills.\t These programs\ttaught\tchildren\tto\tfind\tways\tto\tsolve\tinterpersonal\tconflicts more\t positively,\t to\t have\t more\t self-confidence,\t not\t to\t blame themselves\tif\tsomething\thappened,\tand\tto\tfeel\tthey\thad\ta\tnetwork\tof support\t in\t teachers\t and\t parents\t whom\t they\t could\t turn\t to.\t And\t if something\tbad\tdid\thappen\tto\tthem,\tthey\twere\tfar\tmore\tlikely\tto\ttell.","The\tActive\tIngredients Such\t findings\t have\t led\t to\t a\t reenvisioning\t of\t what\t the\t ingredients\t of an\t optimal\t prevention\t program\t should\t be,\t based\t on\t those\t that impartial\t evaluations\t showed\t to\t be\t truly\t effective.\t In\t a\t five-year project\t sponsored\t by\t the\t W.\t T.\t Grant\t Foundation,\t a\t consortium\t of researchers\t studied\t this\t landscape\t and\t distilled\t the\t active\t ingredients that\t seemed\t crucial\t to\t the\t success\t of\t those\t programs\t that\t worked.68 The\tlist\tof\tkey\tskills\tthe\tconsortium\tconcluded\tshould\tbe\tcovered,\tno matter\t what\t specific\t problem\t it\t is\t designed\t to\t prevent,\t reads\t like\t the ingredients\t of\t emotional\t intelligence\t (see\t Appendix\t D\t for\t the\t full list).69 The\temotional\tskills\tinclude\tself-awareness;\tidentifying,\texpressing, and\t managing\t feelings;\t impulse\t control\t and\t delaying\t gratification; and\t handling\t stress\t and\t anxiety.\t A\t key\t ability\t in\t impulse\t control\t is knowing\t the\t difference\t between\t feelings\t and\t actions,\t and\t learning\t to make\t better\t emotional\t decisions\t by\t first\t controlling\t the\t impulse\t to act,\tthen\tidentifying\talternative\tactions\tand\ttheir\tconsequences\tbefore acting.\t Many\t competences\t are\t interpersonal:\t reading\t social\t and emotional\t cues,\t listening,\t being\t able\t to\t resist\t negative\t influences, taking\t others\u2019\t perspectives,\t and\t understanding\t what\t behavior\t is acceptable\tin\ta\tsituation. These\t are\t among\t the\t core\t emotional\t and\t social\t skills\t for\t life,\t and include\tat\tleast\tpartial\tremedies\tfor\tmost,\tif\tnot\tall,\tof\tthe\tdifficulties\tI have\t discussed\t in\t this\t chapter.\t The\t choice\t of\t specific\t problems\t these skills\tmight\tinoculate\tagainst\tis\tnearly\tarbitrary\u2014similar\tcases\tfor\tthe role\t of\t emotional\t and\t social\t competences\t could\t have\t been\t made\t for, say,\tunwanted\tteen\tpregnancy\tor\tteen\tsuicide. To\t be\t sure,\t the\t causes\t of\t all\t such\t problems\t are\t complex, interweaving\t differing\t ratios\t of\t biological\t destiny,\t family\t dynamics, the\tpolitics\tof\tpoverty,\tand\tthe\tculture\tof\tthe\tstreets.\tNo\tsingle\tkind\tof intervention,\t including\t one\t targeting\t emotions,\t can\t claim\t to\t do\t the whole\tjob.\tBut\tto\tthe\tdegree\temotional\tdeficits\tadd\tto\ta\tchild\u2019s\trisk\u2014 and\twe\thave\tseen\tthat\tthey\tadd\ta\tgreat\tdeal\u2014attention\tmust\tbe\tpaid to\t emotional\t remedies,\t not\t to\t the\t exclusion\t of\t other\t answers,\t but along\t with\t them.\t The\t next\t question\t is,\t what\t would\t an\t education\t in the\temotions\tlook\tlike? *\t In\t children,\t unlike\t adults,\t medication\t is\t not\t a\t clear\t alternative\t to\t therapy\t or\t preventive education\tfor\ttreating\tdepression;\tchildren\tmetabolize\tmedications\tdifferently\tthan\tdo\tadults. Tricyclic\t antidepressants,\t often\t successful\t with\t adults,\t have\t failed\t in\t controlled\t studies\t with","children\t to\t prove\t better\t than\t an\t inactive\t placebo\t drug.\t Newer\t depression\t medications, including\t Prozac,\t are\t as\t yet\t untested\t for\t use\t in\t children.\t And\t desipramine,\t one\t of\t the\t most common\t(and\tsafest)\ttricyclics\tused\twith\tadults,\thas,\tat\tthis\twriting,\tbecome\tthe\tfocus\tof\tFDA scrutiny\tas\ta\tpossible\tcause\tof\tdeath\tin\tchildren.","16 Schooling\tthe\tEmotions The\tmain\thope\tof\ta\tnation\tlies\tin\tthe\tproper\teducation\tof\tits\tyouth. \u2014ERASMUS It\u2019s\t a\t strange\t roll\t call,\t going\t around\t the\t circle\t of\t fifteen\t fifth\t graders sitting\t Indian-style\t on\t the\t floor.\t As\t a\t teacher\t calls\t their\t names\t the students\t respond\t not\t with\t the\t vacant\t \u201cHere\u201d\t standard\t in\t schools,\t but instead\tcall\tout\ta\tnumber\tthat\tindicates\thow\tthey\tfeel;\tone\tmeans\tlow spirits,\tten\thigh\tenergy. Today\tspirits\tare\thigh: \u201cJessica.\u201d \u201cTen:\tI\u2019m\tjazzed,\tit\u2019s\tFriday.\u201d \u201cPatrick.\u201d \u201cNine:\texcited,\ta\tlittle\tnervous.\u201d \u201cNicole.\u201d \u201cTen:\tpeaceful,\thappy\t\u2026\u201d It\u2019s\t a\t class\t in\t Self\t Science\t at\t the\t Nueva\t School,\t a\t school\t retrofitted into\t what\t used\t to\t be\t the\t grand\t manse\t of\t the\t Crocker\t family,\t the dynasty\t that\t founded\t one\t of\t San\t Francisco\u2019s\t biggest\t banks.\t Now\t the building,\t which\t resembles\t a\t miniature\t version\t of\t the\t San\t Francisco Opera\tHouse,\thouses\ta\tprivate\tschool\tthat\toffers\twhat\tmay\tbe\ta\tmodel course\tin\temotional\tintelligence. The\t subject\t in\t Self\t Science\t is\t feelings\u2014your\t own\t and\t those\t that erupt\t in\t relationships.\t The\t topic,\t by\t its\t very\t nature,\t demands\t that teachers\tand\tstudents\tfocus\ton\tthe\temotional\tfabric\tof\ta\tchild\u2019s\tlife\u2014a focus\tthat\tis\tdeterminedly\tignored\tin\talmost\tevery\tother\tclassroom\tin America.\tThe\tstrategy\there\tincludes\tusing\tthe\ttensions\tand\ttraumas\tof children\u2019s\tlives\tas\tthe\ttopic\tof\tthe\tday.\tTeachers\tspeak\tto\treal\tissues\u2014 hurt\tover\tbeing\tleft\tout,\tenvy,\tdisagreements\tthat\tcould\tescalate\tinto\ta schoolyard\t battle.\t As\t Karen\t Stone\t McCown,\t developer\t of\t the\t Self Science\t Curriculum\t and\t founder\t of\t Nueva,\t put\t it,\t \u201cLearning\t doesn\u2019t take\tplace\tin\tisolation\tfrom\tkids\u2019\tfeelings.\tBeing\temotionally\tliterate\tis as\timportant\tfor\tlearning\tas\tinstruction\tin\tmath\tand\treading.\u201d1","Self\t Science\t is\t a\t pioneer,\t an\t early\t harbinger\t of\t an\t idea\t that\t is spreading\t to\t schools\t coast\t to\t coast.*\t Names\t for\t these\t classes\t range from\t \u201csocial\t development\u201d\t to\t \u201clife\t skills\u201d\t to\t \u201csocial\t and\t emotional learning.\u201d\t Some,\t referring\t to\t Howard\t Gardner\u2019s\t idea\t of\t multiple intelligences,\t use\t the\t term\t \u201cpersonal\t intelligences.\u201d\t The\t common thread\t is\t the\t goal\t of\t raising\t the\t level\t of\t social\t and\t emotional competence\t in\t children\t as\t a\t part\t of\t their\t regular\t education\u2014not\t just something\t taught\t remedially\t to\t children\t who\t are\t faltering\t and identified\t as\t \u201ctroubled,\u201d\t but\t a\t set\t of\t skills\t and\t understandings essential\tfor\tevery\tchild. The\t emotional-literacy\t courses\t have\t some\t remote\t roots\t in\t the affective-education\t movement\t of\t the\t 1960s.\t The\t thinking\t then\t was that\tpsychological\tand\tmotivational\tlessons\twere\tmore\tdeeply\tlearned if\t they\t involved\t an\t immediate\t experience\t of\t what\t was\t being\t taught conceptually.\t The\t emotional-literacy\t movement,\t though,\t turns\t the term\taffective\teducation\tinside\tout\u2014instead\tof\tusing\taffect\tto\teducate, it\teducates\taffect\titself. More\t immediately,\t many\t of\t these\t courses\t and\t the\t momentum\t for their\t spread\t come\t from\t an\t ongoing\t series\t of\t school-based\t prevention programs,\t each\t targeting\t a\t specific\t problem:\t teen\t smoking,\t drug abuse,\t pregnancy,\t dropping\t out,\t and\t most\t recently\t violence.\t As\t we saw\t in\t the\t last\t chapter,\t the\t W.\t T.\t Grant\t Consortium\u2019s\t study\t of prevention\t programs\t found\t they\t are\t far\t more\t effective\t when\t they teach\t a\t core\t of\t emotional\t and\t social\t competences,\t such\t as\t impulse control,\t managing\t anger,\t and\t finding\t creative\t solutions\t to\t social predicaments.\t From\t this\t principle\t a\t new\t generation\t of\t interventions has\temerged. As\t we\t saw\t in\t Chapter\t 15,\t interventions\t designed\t to\t target\t the specific\tdeficits\tin\temotional\tand\tsocial\tskills\tthat\tundergird\tproblems such\tas\taggression\tor\tdepression\tcan\tbe\thighly\teffective\tas\tbuffers\tfor children.\t But\t those\t well-designed\t interventions,\t in\t the\t main,\t have been\trun\tby\tresearch\tpsychologists\tas\texperiments.\tThe\tnext\tstep\tis\tto take\t the\t lessons\t learned\t from\t such\t highly\t focused\t programs\t and generalize\t them\t as\t a\t preventive\t measure\t for\t the\t entire\t school population,\ttaught\tby\tordinary\tteachers. This\t more\t sophisticated\t and\t more\t effective\t approach\t to\t prevention includes\t information\t about\t problems\t such\t as\t AIDS,\t drugs,\t and\t the like,\tat\tthe\tpoints\tin\tyoungsters\u2019\tlives\twhen\tthey\tare\tbeginning\tto\tface them.\t But\t its\t main,\t ongoing\t subject\t is\t the\t core\t competence\t that\t is brought\t to\t bear\t on\t any\t of\t these\t specific\t dilemmas:\t emotional","intelligence. This\t new\t departure\t in\t bringing\t emotional\t literacy\t into\t schools makes\temotions\tand\tsocial\tlife\tthemselves\ttopics,\trather\tthan\ttreating these\t most\t compelling\t facets\t of\t a\t child\u2019s\t day\t as\t irrelevant\t intrusions or,\t when\t they\t lead\t to\t eruptions,\t relegating\t them\t to\t occasional disciplinary\ttrips\tto\tthe\tguidance\tcounselor\tor\tthe\tprincipal\u2019s\toffice. The\t classes\t themselves\t may\t at\t first\t glance\t seem\t uneventful,\t much less\t a\t solution\t to\t the\t dramatic\t problems\t they\t address.\t But\t that\t is largely\t because,\t like\t good\t childrearing\t at\t home,\t the\t lessons\t imparted are\t small\t but\t telling,\t delivered\t regularly\t and\t over\t a\t sustained\t period of\t years.\t That\t is\t how\t emotional\t learning\t becomes\t ingrained;\t as experiences\t are\t repeated\t over\t and\t over,\t the\t brain\t reflects\t them\t as strengthened\t pathways,\t neural\t habits\t to\t apply\t in\t times\t of\t duress, frustration,\t hurt.\t And\t while\t the\t everyday\t substance\t of\t emotional literacy\t classes\t may\t look\t mundane,\t the\t outcome\u2014decent\t human beings\u2014is\tmore\tcritical\tto\tour\tfuture\tthan\tever. A\tLESSON\tIN\tCOOPERATION Compare\t a\t moment\t from\t a\t class\t in\t Self\t Science\t with\t the\t classroom experiences\tyou\tcan\trecall. A\tfifth-grade\tgroup\tis\tabout\tto\tplay\tthe\tCooperation\tSquares\tgame, in\t which\t the\t students\t team\t up\t to\t put\t together\t a\t series\t of\t square- shaped\t jigsaw\t puzzles.\t The\t catch:\t their\t teamwork\t is\t all\t in\t silence, with\tno\tgesturing\tallowed. The\t teacher,\t Jo-An\t Vargo,\t divides\t the\t class\t into\t three\t groups,\t each assigned\t to\t a\t different\t table.\t Three\t observers,\t each\t familiar\t with\t the game,\tget\tan\tevaluation\tsheet\tto\tassess,\tfor\texample,\twho\tin\tthe\tgroup takes\tthe\tlead\tin\torganizing,\twho\tis\ta\tclown,\twho\tdisrupts. The\tstudents\tdump\tthe\tpieces\tof\tthe\tpuzzles\ton\tthe\ttable\tand\tgo\tto work.\t Within\t a\t minute\t or\t so\t it\u2019s\t clear\t that\t one\t group\t is\t surprisingly efficient\t as\t a\t team;\t they\t finish\t in\t just\t a\t few\t minutes.\t A\t second\t group of\tfour\tis\tengaged\tin\tsolitary,\tparallel\tefforts,\teach\tworking\tseparately on\t their\t own\t puzzle,\t but\t getting\t nowhere.\t Then\t they\t slowly\t start\t to work\tcollectively\tto\tassemble\ttheir\tfirst\tsquare,\tand\tcontinue\tto\twork as\ta\tunit\tuntil\tall\tthe\tpuzzles\tare\tsolved. But\t the\t third\t group\t still\t struggles,\t with\t only\t one\t puzzle\t nearing completion,\t and\t even\t that\t looking\t more\t like\t a\t trapezoid\t than\t a square.\t Sean,\t Fairlie,\t and\t Rahman\t have\t yet\t to\t find\t the\t smooth","coordination\t that\t the\t other\t two\t groups\t fell\t into.\t They\t are\t clearly frustrated,\t frantically\t scanning\t the\t pieces\t on\t the\t table,\t seizing\t on likely\t possibilities\t and\t putting\t them\t near\t the\t partly\t finished\t squares, only\tto\tbe\tdisappointed\tby\tthe\tlack\tof\tfit. The\ttension\tbreaks\ta\tbit\twhen\tRahman\ttakes\ttwo\tof\tthe\tpieces\tand puts\t them\t in\t front\t of\t his\t eyes\t like\t a\t mask;\t his\t partners\t giggle.\t This will\tprove\tto\tbe\ta\tpivotal\tmoment\tin\tthe\tday\u2019s\tlesson. Jo-An\t Vargo,\t the\t teacher,\t offers\t some\t encouragement:\t \u201cThose\t of you\twho\thave\tfinished\tcan\tgive\tone\tspecific\thint\tto\tthose\twho\tare\tstill working.\u201d Dagan\t moseys\t over\t to\t the\t still-struggling\t group,\t points\t to\t two pieces\tthat\tjut\tout\tfrom\tthe\tsquare,\tand\tsuggests,\t\u201cYou\u2019ve\tgot\tto\tmove those\t two\t pieces\t around.\u201d\t Suddenly\t Rahman,\t his\t wide\t face\t furrowed in\t concentration,\t grasps\t the\t new\t gestalt,\t and\t the\t pieces\t quickly\t fall into\t place\t on\t the\t first\t puzzle,\t then\t the\t others.\t There\u2019s\t spontaneous applause\t as\t the\t last\t piece\t falls\t into\t place\t on\t the\t third\t group\u2019s\t final puzzle. A\tPOINT\tOF\tCONTENTION But\t as\t the\t class\t goes\t on\t to\t mull\t over\t the\t object\t lessons\t in\t teamwork they\u2019ve\treceived,\tthere\tis\tanother,\tmore\tintense\tinterchange.\tRahman, tall\tand\twith\ta\tshock\tof\tbushy\tblack\thair\tcut\tinto\ta\tlongish\tcrew\tcut, and\tTucker,\tthe\tgroup\u2019s\tobserver,\tare\tlocked\tin\tcontentious\tdiscussion over\t the\t rule\t that\t you\t can\u2019t\t gesture.\t Tucker,\t his\t blond\t hair\t neatly combed\t except\t for\t a\t cowlick,\t wears\t a\t baggy\t blue\t T-shirt\t emblazoned with\t the\t motto\t \u201cBe\t Responsible,\u201d\t which\t somehow\t underscores\t his official\trole. \u201cYou\t can\t too\t offer\t a\t piece\u2014that\u2019s\t not\t gesturing,\u201d\t Tucker\t says\t to Rahman\tin\tan\temphatic,\targumentative\ttone. \u201cBut\tthat\tis\tgesturing,\u201d\tRahman\tinsists,\tvehement. Vargo\t notices\t the\t heightened\t volume\t and\t increasingly\t aggressive staccato\tof\tthe\texchange,\tand\tgravitates\tto\ttheir\ttable.\tThis\tis\ta\tcritical incident,\t a\t spontaneous\t exchange\t of\t heated\t feeling;\t it\t is\t in\t moments such\t as\t this\t that\t the\t lessons\t already\t learned\t will\t pay\t off,\t and\t new ones\t can\t be\t taught\t most\t profitably.\t And,\t as\t every\t good\t teacher knows,\t the\t lessons\t applied\t in\t such\t electric\t moments\t will\t last\t in students\u2019\tmemories. \u201cThis\t isn\u2019t\t a\t criticism\u2014you\t cooperated\t very\t well\u2014but\t Tucker,\t try","to\t say\t what\t you\t mean\t in\t a\t tone\t of\t voice\t that\t doesn\u2019t\t sound\t so critical,\u201d\tVargo\tcoaches. Tucker,\this\tvoice\tcalmer\tnow,\tsays\tto\tRahman,\t\u201cYou\tcan\tjust\tput\ta piece\t where\t you\t think\t it\t goes,\t give\t someone\t what\t you\t think\t they need,\twithout\tgesturing.\tJust\toffering.\u201d Rahman\t responds\t in\t an\t angry\t tone,\t \u201cYou\t could\t have\t just\t gone\t like this\u201d\u2014he\t scratches\t his\t head\t to\t illustrate\t an\t innocent\t movement \u2014\u201cand\the\u2019d\tsay\t\u2018No\tgesturing!\u2019\t\u201d There\tis\tclearly\tmore\tto\tRahman\u2019s\tire\tthan\tthis\tdispute\tabout\twhat does\t or\t does\t not\t constitute\t a\t gesture.\t His\t eyes\t constantly\t go\t to\t the evaluation\t sheet\t Tucker\t has\t filled\t out,\t which\u2014though\t it\t has\t not\t yet been\t mentioned\u2014has\t actually\t provoked\t the\t tension\t between\t Tucker and\t Rahman.\t On\t the\t evaluation\t sheet\t Tucker\t has\t listed\t Rahman\u2019s name\tin\tthe\tblank\tfor\t\u201cWho\tis\tdisruptive?\u201d Vargo,\t noticing\t Rahman\t looking\t at\t the\t offending\t form,\t hazards\t a guess,\t saying\t to\t Tucker,\t \u201cHe\u2019s\t feeling\t that\t you\t used\t a\t negative\t word \u2014disruptive\u2014about\thim.\tWhat\tdid\tyou\tmean?\u201d \u201cI\t didn\u2019t\t mean\t it\t was\t a\t bad\t kind\t of\t disruption,\u201d\t says\t Tucker,\t now conciliatory. Rahman\t isn\u2019t\t buying\t it,\t but\t his\t voice\t is\t calmer,\t too:\t \u201cThat\u2019s\t a\t little farfetched,\tif\tyou\task\tme.\u201d Vargo\t emphasizes\t a\t positive\t way\t of\t seeing\t it.\t \u201cTucker\t is\t trying\t to say\t that\t what\t could\t be\t considered\t disruptive\t could\t also\t be\t part\t of lightening\tthings\tup\tduring\ta\tfrustrating\ttime.\u201d \u201cBut,\u201d\t Rahman\t protests,\t now\t more\t matter-of-fact,\t \u201cdisruptive\tis\t like when\t we\u2019re\t all\t concentrating\t hard\t on\t something\t and\t if\t I\t went\t like this\u201d\u2014he\t makes\t a\t ridiculous,\t clowning\t expression,\t his\t eyes\t bulging, cheeks\tpuffed\tout\u2014\u201cthat\twould\tbe\tdisruptive.\u201d Vargo\t tries\t more\t emotional\t coaching,\t telling\t Tucker,\t \u201cIn\t trying\t to help,\tyou\tdidn\u2019t\tmean\the\twas\tdisruptive\tin\ta\tbad\tway.\tBut\tyou\tsend\ta different\t message\t in\t how\t you\u2019re\t talking\t about\t it.\t Rahman\t is\t needing you\t to\t hear\t and\t accept\t his\t feelings.\t Rahman\t was\t saying\t that\t having negative\twords\tlike\tdisruptive\tfeels\tunfair.\tHe\tdoesn\u2019t\tlike\tbeing\tcalled that.\u201d Then,\t to\t Rahman,\t she\t adds,\t \u201cI\t appreciate\t the\t way\t you\u2019re\t being assertive\t in\t talking\t with\t Tucker.\t You\u2019re\t not\t attacking.\t But\t it\u2019s\t not pleasant\tto\thave\ta\tlabel\tlike\tdisruptive\tput\ton\tyou.\tWhen\tyou\tput\tthose pieces\t up\t to\t your\t eyes\t it\t seems\t like\t you\t were\t feeling\t frustrated\t and wanted\t to\t lighten\t things\t up.\t But\t Tucker\t called\t it\t disruptive\t because he\tdidn\u2019t\tunderstand\tyour\tintent.\tIs\tthat\tright?\u201d","Both\tboys\tnod\tassent\tas\tthe\tother\tstudents\tfinish\tclearing\taway\tthe puzzles.\t This\t small\t classroom\t melodrama\t is\t reaching\t its\t finale.\t \u201cDo you\tfeel\tbetter?\u201d\tVargo\tasks.\t\u201cOr\tis\tthis\tstill\tdistressing?\u201d \u201cYeah,\tI\tfeel\tokay,\u201d\tsays\tRahman,\this\tvoice\tsofter\tnow\tthat\the\tfeels heard\t and\t understood.\t Tucker\t nods,\t too,\t smiling.\t The\t boys,\t noticing that\t everyone\t else\t has\t already\t left\t for\t the\t next\t class,\t turn\t in\t unison and\tdash\tout\ttogether. POSTMORTEM:\tA\tFIGHT\tTHAT\tDID\tNOT\tBREAK\tOUT As\ta\tnew\tgroup\tstarts\tto\tfind\ttheir\tchairs,\tVargo\tdissects\twhat\thas\tjust transpired.\t The\t heated\t exchange\t and\t its\t cooling-down\t draw\t on\t what the\t boys\t have\t been\t learning\t about\t conflict\t resolution.\t What\t typically escalates\t to\t conflict\t begins,\t as\t Vargo\t puts\t it,\t with\t \u201cnot communicating,\t making\t assumptions,\t and\t jumping\t to\t conclusions, sending\t a\t \u2018hard\u2019\t message\t in\t ways\t that\t make\t it\t tough\t for\t people\t to hear\twhat\tyou\u2019re\tsaying.\u201d Students\tin\tSelf\tScience\tlearn\tthat\tthe\tpoint\tis\tnot\tto\tavoid\tconflict completely,\t but\t to\t resolve\t disagreement\t and\t resentment\t before\t it spirals\t into\t an\t out-and-out\t fight.\t There\t are\t signs\t of\t these\t earlier lessons\t in\t how\t Tucker\t and\t Rahman\t handled\t the\t dispute.\t Both,\t for example,\t made\t some\t effort\t to\t express\t their\t point\t of\t view\t in\t a\t way that\t would\t not\t accelerate\t the\t conflict.\t This\t assertiveness\t (as\t distinct from\t aggression\t or\t passivity)\t is\t taught\t at\t Nueva\t from\t third\t grade\t on. It\t emphasizes\t expressing\t feelings\t forthrightly,\t but\t in\t a\t way\t that\t will not\t spiral\t into\t aggression.\t While\t at\t the\t beginning\t of\t their\t dispute neither\t boy\t was\t looking\t at\t the\t other,\t as\t it\t went\t on\t they\t began\t to show\t signs\t of\t \u201cactive\t listening,\u201d\t facing\t each\t other,\t making\t eye contact,\tand\tsending\tthe\tsilent\tcues\tthat\tlet\ta\tspeaker\tknow\tthat\the\tis being\theard. By\t putting\t these\t tools\t into\t action,\t helped\t along\t by\t some\t coaching, \u201cassertiveness\u201d\t and\t \u201cactive\t listening\u201d\t for\t these\t boys\t become\t more than\tjust\tempty\tphrases\ton\ta\tquiz\u2014they\tbecome\tways\tof\treacting\tthe boys\t can\t draw\t on\t at\t those\t moments\t when\t they\t need\t them\t most urgently. Mastery\t in\t the\t emotional\t domain\t is\t especially\t difficult\t because skills\tneed\tto\tbe\tacquired\twhen\tpeople\tare\tusually\tleast\table\tto\ttake\tin new\t information\t and\t learn\t new\t habits\t of\t response\u2014when\t they\t are upset.\t Coaching\t in\t these\t moments\t helps.\t \u201cAnyone,\t adult\t or\t fifth","grader,\tneeds\tsome\thelp\tbeing\ta\tself-observer\twhen\tthey\u2019re\tso\tupset,\u201d Vargo\t points\t out.\t \u201cYour\t heart\t is\t pounding,\t your\t hands\t are\t sweaty, you\u2019re\t jittery,\t and\t you\u2019re\t trying\t to\t listen\t clearly\t while\t keeping\t your own\t self-control\t to\t get\t through\t it\t without\t screaming,\t blaming,\t or clamming\tup\tin\tdefensiveness.\u201d For\t anyone\t familiar\t with\t the\t rough-and-tumble\t of\t fifth-grade\t boys, what\t may\t be\t most\t remarkable\t is\t that\t both\t Tucker\t and\t Rahman\t tried to\t assert\t their\t views\t without\t resorting\t to\t blaming,\t name-calling,\t or yelling.\t Neither\t let\t their\t feelings\t escalate\t to\t a\t contemptuous\t \u201cf\u2014\u2014 you!\u201d\tor\ta\tfistfight,\tnor\tcut\toff\tthe\tother\tby\tstalking\tout\tof\tthe\troom. What\t could\t have\t been\t the\t seed\t of\t a\t full-fledged\t battle\t instead heightened\t the\t boys\u2019\t mastery\t of\t the\t nuances\t of\t conflict\t resolution. How\t differently\t it\t all\t could\t have\t gone\t in\t other\t circumstances. Youngsters\tdaily\tcome\tto\tblows\u2014and\teven\tworse\u2014over\tless. CONCERNS\tOF\tTHE\tDAY At\t the\t traditional\t circle\t that\t opens\t each\t class\t in\t Self\t Science,\t the numbers\t are\t not\t always\t so\t high\t as\t they\t were\t today.\t When\t they\t are low\u2014the\t ones,\t twos,\t or\t threes\t that\t indicate\t feeling\t terrible\u2014it\t opens the\tway\tfor\tsomeone\tto\task,\t\u201cDo\tyou\twant\tto\ttalk\tabout\twhy\tyou\tfeel that\t way?\u201d\t And,\t if\t the\t student\t wants\t (no\t one\t is\t pressured\t to\t talk about\tthings\tthey\tdon\u2019t\twant\tto),\tit\tallows\tthe\tairing\tof\twhatever\tis\tso troubling\u2014and\tthe\tchance\tto\tconsider\tcreative\toptions\tfor\thandling\tit. The\t troubles\t that\t emerge\t vary\t with\t the\t grade\t level.\t In\t the\t lower grades\t typical\t ones\t are\t teasing,\t feeling\t left\t out,\t fears.\t Around\t sixth grade\t a\t new\t set\t of\t concerns\t emerges\u2014hurt\t feelings\t about\t not\t being asked\t on\t a\t date,\t or\t being\t left\t out;\t friends\t who\t are\t immature;\t the painful\tpredicaments\tof\tthe\tyoung\t(\u201cBig\tkids\tare\tpicking\ton\tme\u201d;\t\u201cMy friends\tare\tsmoking,\tand\tthey\u2019re\talways\ttrying\tto\tget\tme\tto\ttry,\ttoo\u201d). These\t are\t the\t topics\t of\t gripping\t import\t in\t a\t child\u2019s\t life,\t which\t are aired\ton\tthe\tperiphery\tof\tschool\u2014at\tlunch,\ton\tthe\tbus\tto\tschool,\tat\ta friend\u2019s\t house\u2014if\t at\t all.\t More\t often\t than\t not,\t these\t are\t the\t troubles that\tchildren\tkeep\tto\tthemselves,\tobsessing\tabout\tthem\talone\tat\tnight, having\t no\t one\t to\t mull\t them\t over\t with.\t In\t Self\t Science\t they\t can become\ttopics\tof\tthe\tday. Each\t of\t these\t discussions\t is\t potential\t grist\t for\t the\t explicit\t goal\t of Self\t Science,\t which\t is\t illuminating\t the\t child\u2019s\t sense\t of\t self\t and relationships\t with\t others.\t While\t the\t course\t has\t a\t lesson\t plan,\t it\t is","flexible\t so\t that\t when\t moments\t such\t as\t the\t conflict\t between\t Rahman and\tTucker\toccur\tthey\tcan\tbe\tcapitalized\ton.\tThe\tissues\tthat\tstudents bring\t up\t provide\t the\t living\t examples\t to\t which\t students\t and\t teachers alike\t can\t apply\t the\t skills\t they\t are\t learning,\t such\t as\t the\t conflict- resolution\tmethods\tthat\tcooled\tdown\tthe\theat\tbetween\tthe\ttwo\tboys. THE\tABC\u2019S\tOF\tEMOTIONAL\tINTELLIGENCE In\tuse\tfor\tclose\tto\ttwenty\tyears,\tthe\tSelf\tScience\tcurriculum\tstands\tas a\t model\t for\t the\t teaching\t of\t emotional\t intelligence.\t The\t lessons sometimes\t are\t surprisingly\t sophisticated;\t as\t Nueva\u2019s\t director,\t Karen Stone\t McCown,\t told\t me,\t \u201cWhen\t we\t teach\t about\t anger,\t we\t help\t kids understand\t that\t it\t is\t almost\t always\t a\t secondary\t reaction\t and\t to\t look for\twhat\u2019s\tunderneath\u2014are\tyou\thurt?\tjealous?\tOur\tkids\tlearn\tthat\tyou always\thave\tchoices\tabout\thow\tyou\trespond\tto\temotion,\tand\tthe\tmore ways\tyou\tknow\tto\trespond\tto\tan\temotion,\tthe\tricher\tyour\tlife\tcan\tbe.\u201d A\t list\t of\t the\t contents\t of\t Self\t Science\t is\t an\t almost\t point-for-point match\t with\t the\t ingredients\t of\t emotional\t intelligence\u2014and\t with\t the core\t skills\t recommended\t as\t primary\t prevention\t for\t the\t range\t of pitfalls\t threatening\t children\t (see\t Appendix\t E\t for\t the\t full\t list).2\t The topics\t taught\t include\t self-awareness,\t in\t the\t sense\t of\t recognizing feelings\t and\t building\t a\t vocabulary\t for\t them,\t and\t seeing\t the\t links between\t thoughts,\t feelings,\t and\t reactions;\t knowing\t if\t thoughts\t or feelings\t are\t ruling\t a\t decision;\t seeing\t the\t consequences\t of\t alternative choices;\t and\t applying\t these\t insights\t to\t decisions\t about\t such\t issues\t as drugs,\t smoking,\t and\t sex.\t Self-awareness\t also\t takes\t the\t form\t of recognizing\t your\t strengths\t and\t weaknesses,\t and\t seeing\t yourself\t in\t a positive\t but\t realistic\t light\t (and\t so\t avoiding\t a\t common\t pitfall\t of\t the self-esteem\tmovement). Another\temphasis\tis\tmanaging\temotions:\trealizing\twhat\tis\tbehind\ta feeling\t (for\t example,\t the\t hurt\t that\t triggers\t anger),\t and\t learning\t ways to\t handle\t anxieties,\t anger,\t and\t sadness.\t Still\t another\t emphasis\t is\t on taking\tresponsibility\tfor\tdecisions\tand\tactions,\tand\tfollowing\tthrough on\tcommitments. A\t key\t social\t ability\t is\t empathy,\t understanding\t others\u2019\t feelings\t and taking\ttheir\tperspective,\tand\trespecting\tdifferences\tin\thow\tpeople\tfeel about\tthings.\tRelationships\tare\ta\tmajor\tfocus,\tincluding\tlearning\tto\tbe a\t good\t listener\t and\t question-asker;\t distinguishing\t between\t what someone\t says\t or\t does\t and\t your\t own\t reactions\t and\t judgments;\t being","assertive\t rather\t than\t angry\t or\t passive;\t and\t learning\t the\t arts\t of cooperation,\tconflict\tresolution,\tand\tnegotiating\tcompromise. There\t are\t no\t grades\t given\t in\t Self\t Science;\t life\t itself\t is\t the\t final exam.\t But\t at\t the\t end\t of\t the\t eighth\t grade,\t as\t students\t are\t about\t to leave\tNueva\tfor\thigh\tschool,\teach\tis\tgiven\ta\tSocratic\texamination,\tan oral\t test\t in\t Self\t Science.\t One\t question\t from\t a\t recent\t final:\t \u201cDescribe an\tappropriate\tresponse\tto\thelp\ta\tfriend\tsolve\ta\tconflict\tover\tsomeone pressuring\tthem\tto\ttry\tdrugs,\tor\tover\ta\tfriend\twho\tlikes\tto\ttease.\u201d\tOr, \u201cWhat\tare\tsome\thealthy\tways\tto\tdeal\twith\tstress,\tanger,\tand\tfear?\u201d Were\t he\t alive\t today,\t Aristotle,\t so\t concerned\t with\t emotional skillfulness,\tmight\twell\tapprove. EMOTIONAL\tLITERACY\tIN\tTHE\tINNER\tCITY Skeptics\t understandably\t will\t ask\t if\t a\t course\t like\t Self\t Science\t could work\t in\t a\t less\t privileged\t setting,\t or\t if\t it\t is\t only\t possible\t in\t a\t small private\t school\t like\t Nueva,\t where\t every\t child\t is,\t in\t some\t respect, gifted.\tIn\tshort,\tcan\temotional\tcompetence\tbe\ttaught\twhere\tit\tmay\tbe most\t urgently\t needed,\t in\t the\t gritty\t chaos\t of\t an\t inner-city\t public school?\tOne\tanswer\tis\tto\tvisit\tthe\tAugusta\tLewis\tTroup\tMiddle\tSchool in\t New\t Haven,\t which\t is\t as\t far\t from\t the\t Nueva\t School\t socially\t and economically\tas\tit\tis\tgeographically. To\t be\t sure,\t the\t atmosphere\t at\t Troup\t has\t much\t of\t the\t same excitement\t about\t learning\u2014the\t school\t is\t also\t known\t as\t the\t Troup Magnet\t Academy\t of\t Science\t and\t is\t one\t of\t two\t such\t schools\t in\t the district\tthat\tare\tdesigned\tto\tdraw\tfifth-\tto\teighth-grade\tstudents\tfrom all\tover\tNew\tHaven\tto\tan\tenriched\tscience\tcurriculum.\tStudents\tthere can\task\tquestions\tabout\tthe\tphysics\tof\touter\tspace\tthrough\ta\tsatellite- dish\t hookup\t to\t astronauts\t in\t Houston\t or\t program\t their\t computers\t to play\t music.\t But\t despite\t these\t academic\t amenities,\t as\t in\t many\t cities, white\tflight\tto\tthe\tNew\tHaven\tsuburbs\tand\tto\tprivate\tschools\thas\tleft Troup\u2019s\tenrollment\tabout\t95\tpercent\tblack\tand\tHispanic. Just\t a\t few\t short\t blocks\t from\t the\t Yale\t campus\u2014and\t again\t a\t distant universe\u2014Troup\tis\tin\ta\tdecaying\tworking-class\tneighborhood\tthat,\tin the\t1950s,\thad\ttwenty\tthousand\tpeople\temployed\tin\tnearby\tfactories, from\t Olin\t Brass\t Mills\t to\t Winchester\t Arms.\t Today\t that\t job\t base\t has shrunk\t to\t under\t three\t thousand,\t shrinking\t with\t it\t the\t economic horizons\t of\t the\t families\t who\t live\t there.\t New\t Haven,\t like\t so\t many other\t New\t England\t manufacturing\t cities,\t has\t sunk\t into\t a\t pit\t of","poverty,\tdrugs,\tand\tviolence. It\t was\t in\t response\t to\t the\t urgencies\t of\t this\t urban\t nightmare\t that\t in the\t 1980s\t a\t group\t of\t Yale\t psychologists\t and\t educators\t designed\t the Social\tCompetence\tProgram,\ta\tset\tof\tcourses\tthat\tcovers\tvirtually\tthe same\t terrain\t as\t the\t Nueva\t School\u2019s\t Self\t Science\t curriculum.\t But\t at Troup\t the\t connection\t to\t the\t topics\t is\t often\t more\t direct\t and\t raw.\t It\t is no\t mere\t academic\t exercise\t when,\t in\t the\t eighth-grade\t sex\t education class,\t students\t learn\t how\t personal\t decision-making\t can\t help\t them avoid\tdiseases\tsuch\tas\tAIDS.\tNew\tHaven\thas\tthe\thighest\tproportion\tof women\twith\tAIDS\tin\tthe\tUnited\tStates;\ta\tnumber\tof\tthe\tmothers\twho send\ttheir\tchildren\tto\tTroup\thave\tthe\tdisease\u2014and\tso\tdo\tsome\tof\tthe students\t there.\t Despite\t the\t enriched\t curriculum,\t students\t at\t Troup struggle\t with\t all\t the\t problems\t of\t the\t inner\t city;\t many\t children\t have home\tsituations\tso\tchaotic,\tif\tnot\thorrific,\tthey\tjust\tcannot\tmanage\tto get\tto\tschool\tsome\tdays. As\tin\tall\tNew\tHaven\tschools,\tthe\tmost\tprominent\tsign\tthat\tgreets\ta visitor\tis\tin\tthe\tfamiliar\tform\tof\ta\tyellow\tdiamond-shaped\ttraffic\tsign, but\t reads\t \u201cDrug-Free\t Zone.\u201d\t At\t the\t door\t is\t Mary\t Ellen\t Collins,\t the school\u2019s\t facilitator\u2014an\t all-purpose\t ombudsman\t who\t sees\t to\t special problems\t as\t they\t surface,\t and\t whose\t role\t includes\t helping\t teachers with\tthe\tdemands\tof\tthe\tsocial\tcompetence\tcurriculum.\tIf\ta\tteacher\tis unsure\tof\thow\tto\tteach\ta\tlesson,\tCollins\twill\tcome\tto\tthe\tclass\tto\tshow how. \u201cI\ttaught\tin\tthis\tschool\tfor\ttwenty\tyears,\u201d\tCollins\tsays,\tgreeting\tme. \u201cLook\tat\tthis\tneighborhood\u2014I\tcan\u2019t\tsee\tonly\tteaching\tacademic\tskills anymore,\t with\t the\t problems\t these\t kids\t face\t just\t in\t living.\t Take\t the kids\t here\t who\t are\t struggling\t because\t they\t have\t AIDS\t themselves\t or it\u2019s\tin\ttheir\thomes\u2014I\u2019m\tnot\tsure\tthey\u2019d\tsay\tit\tduring\tthe\tdiscussion\ton AIDS,\t but\t once\t a\t kid\t knows\t a\t teacher\t will\t listen\t to\t an\t emotional problem,\t not\t just\t academic\t ones,\t the\t avenue\t is\t open\t to\t have\t that conversation.\u201d On\tthe\tthird\tfloor\tof\tthe\told\tbrick\tschool\tJoyce\tAndrews\tis\tleading her\t fifth\t graders\t through\t the\t social\t competence\t class\t they\t get\t three times\ta\tweek.\tAndrews,\tlike\tall\tthe\tother\tfifth-grade\tteachers,\twent\tto a\t special\t summer\t course\t in\t how\t to\t teach\t it,\t but\t her\t exuberance suggests\tthe\ttopics\tin\tsocial\tcompetence\tcome\tnaturally\tto\ther. Today\u2019s\t lesson\t is\t on\t identifying\t feelings;\t being\t able\t to\t name feelings,\t and\t so\t better\t distinguish\t between\t them,\t is\t a\t key\t emotional skill.\t Last\t night\u2019s\t assignment\t was\t to\t bring\t in\t pictures\t of\t a\t person\u2019s face\t from\t a\t magazine,\t name\t which\t emotion\t the\t face\t displays,\t and","explain\t how\t to\t tell\t the\t person\t has\t those\t feelings.\t After\t collecting\t the assignment,\t Andrews\t lists\t the\t feelings\t on\t the\t board\u2014sadness,\t worry, excitement,\t happiness,\t and\t so\t on\u2014and\t launches\t into\t a\t fast-paced repartee\twith\tthe\teighteen\tstudents\twho\tmanaged\tto\tget\tto\tschool\tthat day.\t Sitting\t in\t four-desk\t clusters,\t the\t students\t excitedly\t raise\t their hands\thigh,\tstraining\tto\tcatch\ther\teye\tso\tthey\tcan\tgive\ttheir\tanswer. As\tshe\tadds\tfrustrated\tto\tthe\tlist\ton\tthe\tboard,\tAndrews\tasks,\t\u201cHow many\tpeople\tever\tfelt\tfrustrated?\u201d\tEvery\thand\tgoes\tup. \u201cHow\tdo\tyou\tfeel\twhen\tyou\u2019re\tfrustrated?\u201d The\t answers\t come\t in\t a\t cascade:\t \u201cTired.\u201d\t \u201cConfused.\u201d\t \u201cYou\t can\u2019t think\tright.\u201d\t\u201cAnxious.\u201d As\taggravated\t is\t added\t to\t the\t list,\t Joyce\t says,\t \u201cI\t know\t that\t one\u2014 when\tdoes\ta\tteacher\tfeel\taggravated?\u201d \u201cWhen\teveryone\tis\ttalking,\u201d\ta\tgirl\toffers,\tsmiling. Without\t missing\t a\t beat,\t Andrews\t passes\t out\t a\t mimeographed worksheet.\tIn\tone\tcolumn\tare\tfaces\tof\tboys\tand\tgirls,\teach\tdisplaying one\t of\t the\t six\t basic\t emotions\u2014happy,\t sad,\t angry,\t surprised,\t afraid, disgusted\u2014and\t a\t description\t of\t the\t facial\t muscle\t activity\t underlying each,\tfor\texample: AFRAID: \u2022\tThe\tmouth\tis\topen\tand\tdrawn\tback. \u2022\tThe\teyes\tare\topen\tand\tthe\tinner\tcorners\tgo\tup. \u2022\tThe\teyebrows\tare\traised\tand\tdrawn\ttogether. \u2022\tThere\tare\twrinkles\tin\tthe\tmiddle\tof\tthe\tforehead.3 While\t they\t read\t through\t the\t sheet,\t expressions\t of\t fear,\t anger, surprise,\t or\t disgust\t float\t over\t the\t faces\t of\t the\t kids\t in\t Andrews\u2019s\t class as\t they\t imitate\t the\t pictures\t and\t follow\t the\t facial-muscle\t recipes\t for each\temotion.\tThis\tlesson\tcomes\tstraight\tfrom\tPaul\tEkman\u2019s\tresearch on\t facial\t expression;\t as\t such,\t it\t is\t taught\t in\t most\t every\t college introductory\t psychology\t course\u2014and\t rarely,\t if\t ever,\t in\t grade\t school. This\t elementary\t lesson\t in\t connecting\t a\t name\t with\t a\t feeling,\t and\t the feeling\t with\t the\t facial\t expression\t that\t matches\t it,\t might\t seem\t so obvious\t that\t it\t need\t not\t be\t taught\t at\t all.\t Yet\t it\t may\t serve\t as\t an antidote\t to\t surprisingly\t common\t lapses\t in\t emotional\t literacy. Schoolyard\t bullies,\t remember,\t often\t strike\t out\t in\t anger\t because\t they misinterpret\t neutral\t messages\t and\t expressions\t as\t hostile,\t and\t girls","who\t develop\t eating\t disorders\t fail\t to\t distinguish\t anger\t from\t anxiety from\thunger. EMOTIONAL\tLITERACY\tIN\tDISGUISE With\tthe\tcurriculum\talready\tbesieged\tby\ta\tproliferation\tof\tnew\ttopics and\t agendas,\t some\t teachers\t who\t understandably\t feel\t overburdened resist\t taking\t extra\t time\t from\t the\t basics\t for\t yet\t another\t course.\t So\t an emerging\tstrategy\tin\temotional\teducation\tis\tnot\tto\tcreate\ta\tnew\tclass, but\t to\t blend\t lessons\t on\t feelings\t and\t relationships\t with\t other\t topics already\t taught.\t Emotional\t lessons\t can\t merge\t naturally\t into\t reading and\twriting,\thealth,\tscience,\tsocial\tstudies,\tand\tother\tstandard\tcourses as\twell.\tWhile\tin\tthe\tNew\tHaven\tschools\tLife\tSkills\tis\ta\tseparate\ttopic in\t some\t grades,\t in\t other\t years\t the\t social\t development\t curriculum blends\tinto\tcourses\tsuch\tas\treading\tor\thealth.\tSome\tof\tthe\tlessons\tare even\t taught\t as\t part\t of\t math\t class\u2014notably\t basic\t study\t skills\t such\t as how\tto\tput\taside\tdistractions,\tmotivate\tyourself\tto\tstudy,\tand\tmanage your\timpulses\tso\tyou\tcan\tattend\tto\tlearning. Some\tprograms\tin\temotional\tand\tsocial\tskills\ttake\tno\tcurriculum\tor class\t time\t as\t a\t separate\t subject\t at\t all,\t but\t instead\t infiltrate\t their lessons\tinto\tthe\tvery\tfabric\tof\tschool\tlife.\tOne\tmodel\tfor\tthis\tapproach \u2014essentially,\tan\tinvisible\temotional\tand\tsocial\tcompetence\tcourse\u2014is the\t Child\t Development\t Project,\t created\t by\t a\t team\t directed\t by psychologist\tEric\tSchaps.\tThe\tproject,\tbased\tin\tOakland,\tCalifornia,\tis currently\tbeing\ttried\tin\ta\thandful\tof\tschools\tacross\tthe\tnation,\tmost\tin neighborhoods\t that\t share\t many\t of\t the\t troubles\t of\t New\t Haven\u2019s decaying\tcore.4 The\t project\t offers\t a\t prepackaged\t set\t of\t materials\t that\t fit\t into existing\t courses.\t Thus\t first\t graders\t in\t their\t reading\t class\t get\t a\t story, \u201cFrog\t and\t Toad\t Are\t Friends,\u201d\t in\t which\t Frog,\t eager\t to\t play\t with\t his hibernating\tfriend\tToad,\tplays\ta\ttrick\ton\thim\tto\tget\thim\tup\tearly.\tThe story\tis\tused\tas\ta\tplatform\tfor\ta\tclass\tdiscussion\tabout\tfriendship,\tand issues\tsuch\tas\thow\tpeople\tfeel\twhen\tsomeone\tplays\ta\ttrick\ton\tthem.\tA succession\t of\t adventures\t brings\t up\t topics\t such\t as\t self-consciousness, being\t aware\t of\t a\t friend\u2019s\t needs,\t what\t it\t feels\t like\t to\t be\t teased,\t and sharing\tfeelings\twith\tfriends.\tA\tset\tcurriculum\tplan\toffers\tincreasingly sophisticated\t stories\t as\t children\t go\t through\t the\t elementary\t and middle-school\t grades,\t giving\t teachers\t entry\t points\t to\t discuss\t topics such\tas\tempathy,\tperspective-taking,\tand\tcaring.","Another\tway\temotional\tlessons\tare\twoven\tinto\tthe\tfabric\tof\texisting school\t life\t is\t through\t helping\t teachers\t rethink\t how\t to\t discipline students\t who\t misbehave.\t The\t assumption\t in\t the\t Child\t Development program\tis\tthat\tsuch\tmoments\tare\tripe\topportunities\tto\tteach\tchildren skills\t that\t are\t lacking\u2014impulse\t control,\t explaining\t their\t feelings, resolving\t conflicts\u2014and\t that\t there\t are\t better\t ways\t to\t discipline\t than coercion.\tA\tteacher\tseeing\tthree\tfirst\tgraders\tpushing\tto\tbe\tthe\tfirst\tin the\tlunchroom\tline\tmight\tsuggest\tthat\tthey\teach\tguess\ta\tnumber,\tand let\t the\t winner\t go\t first.\t The\t immediate\t lesson\t is\t that\t there\t are impartial,\tfair\tways\tto\tsettle\tsuch\tpint-size\tdisputes,\twhile\tthe\tdeeper teaching\t is\t that\t disputes\t can\t be\t negotiated.\t And\t since\t that\t is\t an approach\t those\t children\t can\t take\t with\t them\t to\t settle\t other\t similar disputes\t (\u201cMe\t first!\u201d\t is,\t after\t all,\t epidemic\t in\t lower\t grades\u2014if\t not through\t much\t of\t life,\t in\t one\t form\t or\t another)\t it\t has\t a\t more\t positive message\tthan\tthe\tubiquitous,\tauthoritarian\t\u201cStop\tthat!\u201d THE\tEMOTIONAL\tTIMETABLE \u201cMy\tfriends\tAlice\tand\tLynn\twon\u2019t\tplay\twith\tme.\u201d That\t poignant\t grievance\t is\t from\t a\t third-grade\t girl\t at\t John\t Muir Elementary\t School\t in\t Seattle.\t The\t anonymous\t sender\t put\t it\t in\t the \u201cmailbox\u201d\t in\t her\t classroom\u2014actually\t a\t specially\t painted\t cardboard box\u2014where\t she\t and\t her\t classmates\t are\t encouraged\t to\t write\t in\t their complaints\t and\t problems\t so\t the\t whole\t class\t can\t talk\t about\t them\t and try\t to\t think\t of\t ways\t to\t deal\t with\t them.\t The\t discussion\t will\t not mention\t the\t names\t of\t those\t involved;\t instead\t the\t teacher\t points\t out that\t all\t children\t share\t such\t problems\t from\t time\t to\t time,\t and\t they\t all need\t to\t learn\t how\t to\t handle\t them.\t As\t they\t talk\t about\t how\t it\t feels\t to be\t left\t out,\t or\t what\t they\t might\t do\t to\t be\t included,\t they\t have\t the chance\t to\t try\t out\t new\t solutions\t to\t these\t quandaries\u2014a\t corrective\t for the\t one-track\t thinking\t that\t sees\t conflict\t as\t the\t only\t route\t to\t solving disagreements. The\t mailbox\t allows\t flexibility\t as\t to\t exactly\t which\t crises\t and\t issues will\tbecome\tthe\tsubject\tof\tthe\tclass,\tfor\ta\ttoo-rigid\tagenda\tcan\tbe\tout of\t step\t with\t the\t fluid\t realities\t of\t childhood.\t As\t children\t change\t and grow\t the\t preoccupation\t of\t the\t hour\t changes\t accordingly.\t To\t be\t most effective,\temotional\tlessons\tmust\tbe\tpegged\tto\tthe\tdevelopment\tof\tthe child,\tand\trepeated\tat\tdifferent\tages\tin\tways\tthat\tfit\ta\tchild\u2019s\tchanging understanding\tand\tchallenges."]
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