Bouncing Back Together - English Version 2018

to the students,” he told Tang. “You keep eight pairs of socks and give the rest to the students. We haveto conserve energy to do things.”But as soon as they returned to the school, the socks were all gone.“I distributed them all,” answered Tang, when Su asked where they were. “The students looked sopitiful, and they all need those socks.”“It doesn’t matter,” said Su comfortingly.The three tracksuits were handed out as well. One to the child of a kindergarten teacher, and one to thechild of a primary school teacher, whose mother had died in the earthquake; the last one was given tosomeone in dire need.Later, Su remembered that there was a cotton shop beside the hardware store. He saw a crack betweenthe ground floor and fallen first floor, where he could get through. “Don’t come up, you guys. I’ll go,”he told Dong and Tang Yongzhong, worried that the building might collapse at any time. Still, when hestarted to climb, Dong and Tang Yongzhong followed closely.They had found two cotton battings when an aftershock came. The whole building shook threateningly.“We must go. It’s too precarious,” said Dong and Tang. “No more. We’ll just take those two.” Seeingpairs of scissors and some lighters, Su replied, “We have to take all these. They’ll be useful.”Holding what they’d found, their eyes shone. What they did proved only one thing—the world as theyknew it was over. They had no choice; they had to live.Back at the camp, they built a simple shelter for the night and stored the cotton batting inside. Findinga bucket of diesel, Su also put this inside the shelter, away from Dong as he lit a fire. Later, when Suwent back to find it, the bucket was gone. Someone had taken it.Students, or family first?It was 4pm, the day after the earthquake. The rain still hadn’t stopped. The aftershocks were as incessantas the rain, and both were eroding the desperate hearts of those still hoping.For the whole day, Liu and the others had been rescuing people from the rubble, while the femaleteachers took care of the wounded and the students that had survived. The roads to and from YingxiuTown were almost completely destroyed, so the parents couldn’t get in to find their children. Manystudents were still on the playground, waiting to be met. The male teachers kept digging in the ruins.Wherever they heard a sound, they would dig.They had no useful tools, and there were no longer any coordinated teams. If they heard cries for help,they would gather to locate the child, and see what needed to be moved. Anyone that could help wouldjoin in. They would climb into the ruins or try to dig a channel when they couldn’t. With huge slabs toolarge to remove, they would chisel a hole and someone would worm their way through to carefully pullany potential survivor back to the world. Page | 100

In one place, the rescuers had made one such hole in a slab above a classroom. It was a precious placebecause, when the building had fallen, it had leaned into a neighboring house. As a result, there wassome space beneath where many students were still alive.One teacher had commented on the spot: “Without the neighboring house, there might be morecasualties. It has saved a lot of lives. On the contrary, half of the students having class in the teachingbuilding weren’t able to escape.”Yingxiu Primary School had a total of 473 students. During the first headcount on the night of theearthquake, there were only 150 or so. In subsequent rescue efforts, dozens more students were saved.During the rescue, the surviving teachers went into the rubble again and again. Luckily, as most of thebuildings already fully collapsed, none of the teachers lost their lives in the aftershocks. But the rescueefforts were concentrated on the teaching building, while the comprehensive building and facultyapartment building were largely ignored, although the teachers knew their families were buried there.The day after the earthquake, Liu went to the faculty apartment building during break. The building wastotally in pieces and Liu couldn’t locate his home. But he didn’t give up. He spotted a crack in the rubble,just big enough for a person, and climbed into it. Pulling out fallen bricks, he shouted Kong Li’s name.He knew she was still in the building; she hadn’t had any classes on the afternoon of the earthquake.But no matter how loudly he shouted, Kong never responded. She was forever asleep in the ruins. Tendays later, on 23 May, she was indeed found in the ruins of the apartment building, proving Liu’sspeculation right. But of what use was it then?Liu had no choice but to give up looking for his wife. There were too many students waiting to be savedin the ruins of the teaching building. He had to go and save them. It would have been reprehensible forthose surviving teachers to shy away from their responsibilities in the very place where so many of theircolleagues had died.Yingxiu Primary School had 46 teachers in total, and the earthquake took the lives of 20. They were allyoung teachers, deprived of their right to live before they could even fully blossom.Liu knew those departed teachers well. They lived together in the apartment building. During theChinese New Year, they would get together for dinner. There was a young couple downstairs, whosechild was still in kindergarten, and another couple upstairs. But in a moment, all were gone. Liu’s ownfamily was gone too.Who would you save when your students and family are both in peril? Almost all the teachers at Yingxiumade the same choice. And because of that decision, in the 50 or so hours after the earthquake, whenYingxiu was cut off from the outside world, the lives of nearly 60 students were saved.Before the earthquake, Su had four schoolmates in the primary school including his wife Cheng, andall of them graduated from Weizhou Normal School in 1998. But during the disaster, only he survived.Tan Guoqiang: wife and mother-in-law killed.Liu Zhongneng: wife and son killed. Page | 101

Dong Xuefeng: wife, son, and mother killed.Su Chenggang: wife killed.Treat her well, when she leavesAfter a proper rest, Su went to Zhang Shiqi, the student still trapped in the ruins.The sky was darkening bit by bit. They had to find light, not only to help the rescue but also to bringhope to Zhang Shiqi.Tan was rubbing his hands anxiously: “What can we do? It’s getting dark and we have no light. ZhangShiqi looks more and more dispirited.”Remembering the battery in his minibus, he had someone fetch it. Su was impressed by Tan’sresourcefulness. As Su tried to connect the light bulb and the battery, his hands went numb from theelectric shock. “Is this 36 volts? Why am I feeling numb?”Tan said nothing, but reached for a pair of pliers and showed Su how to connect it up correctly. Whenthe bulb was bright, they took turns to hold it up for Zhang Shiqi.To divert her attention, Su and the other rescuers kept talking to Zhang.Someone asked Zhang Shiqi: “Is Mr. Su your teacher? Is he good? What does he teach? Do you likehim? Are you afraid of Mr. Su?”Zhang Shiqi began to talk about school, about her fondness of Su and other teachers. “Mr. Su,” she toldhim “When I’m out of here, I want you to teach me again…” to which Su nodded, over and over, hiseyes full of tears.In those hours, the survivors couldn’t understand why the rescue troops still hadn’t arrived, even twodays after the earthquake. But what they didn’t know was that the Wenchuan earthquake had beenunprecedentedly destructive. It had torn apart and buried almost all the roads to the affected regions.With the roads cut off, the survivors couldn’t get out, and the rescue troops couldn’t come in. WenchuanCounty, Beichuan County, Qingchuan County, Yingxiu Town, Hanwang Town, Shifang County: all thehard-hit regions had become islands, totally cut off from the world.The day after the earthquake, a journalist climbed to Yingxiu from Dujiangyan City along the brokenroads. He reported: ‘There was no road as we know it. The tunnels had collapsed, and the bridges all fell. Stretches of roadbeds caved in or went under debris. Huge rocks blocked the passage, and mud oozed everywhere. Adding to the treacherousness were the unceasing aftershocks, landslides, and falling stones. Beyond the mountains, thousands of rescuers and hundreds of rescue vehicles were anxiously waiting to get in. Here in Yingxiu, the survivors trapped in the ruins, the severely injured people, Page | 102

and starved children and elders were eagerly anticipating the arrival of assistance. Yingxiu, the epicenter, became the concern of the whole nation.’With every step the rescue soldiers took along the roads to Yingxiu, they risked their lives every step.In just 42 hours, they reopened the 45-kimometer passage from Dujiangyan City to Yingxiu Town.***Back in Yingxiu, Su sat in the shed with a few others. The burning fire flushed their faces, but theirhearts were heavy. There was a new teacher among them: Hu. He had brought five bottles of Chineseliquor. They opened three of them, and were soon joined by more people. After a while, the conversationturned to Zhang Shiqi. Su took several gulps of the liquor: “The rain is too heavy. She might not makeit through the night.” They all sighed.Once the liquor was finished, they decided to go outside to find something to eat; they had to keepthemselves alive. But they also thought about appearances. “We have to be aware of our image as well.We don’t want to be seen rummaging through the ruins like everybody else,” they agreed. “But still, wehave to look for things, so we’ll go out at midnight.”Right after midnight, the male teachers left the shed, tools in hand. Su took a pair of scissors, while Liubrought pliers. According to Tang Yongzhong, there were cigarettes some way from the street. Whenthey approached the shop, they saw that it was totally deformed, and opening the rolling door took asignificant effort. They retrieved a few cartons of cigarettes and passed the down the queue: Su to Liu,Liu to Tang Yongzhong, Tang Yongzhong to the next. When Su and Liu made their way out of thebuilding, there were no cartons left. And the last person in the line, it turned out later, was not even ateacher from the school. Su and Liu found only some water and a few loose packets of cigarettes. Theyreturned to the shed to rest, and passed the long second night cold and starving.***The morning of 14 May dawned. The temperature had dropped again, and the shed they had constructedcould no longer stave off the cold.“The cafeteria staff told me that under the collapsed cafeteria, there were still a carton of ham sausages,some rice, bowls, and pots,” Tan told Su, upon which Su and a few of the other teachers ran in thedirection of the cafeteria.As they crossed the campus, Su and the other teachers called out to any children still trapped. On hearingthe sound of talking through a small hole in a slab, they knelt down and told the children to hold on:help was coming very soon.The smell of decaying bodies was permeated the air. None of them had smelt such a smell before. Butwhen their noses caught it, they were filled with horror, knowing instinctively what it was.Su went to check on Zhang Shiqi. She spotted Su immediately and greeted him: “Mr. Su, I’m awake.”“Did you sleep well?” Su asked, relieved to hear her voice. “It’s good that you’re awake now. Try to Page | 103

save some energy.”“Yes, sir,” Zhang smiled shyly.“We’ll come back again soon, and you’ll be out in just a while.” And with these words, he climbedback over the ruins.When he arrived at the place where the school cafeteria used to be, Su picked up a cauldron. The otherteachers had found bowls and rice, and they took what they had gathered back to the shed. With waterthat the female teachers had collected, they made porridge. Taking turns to eat, and sharing bowls, theyfinally ate their first meal since the earthquake had happened. No-one minded that the bowl had beenused countless others before them. No-one cared if there was hardly any rice in the porridge. Nobodycared that they weren’t full.Rescue discontinuedOn the afternoon of 14 May, the road to Yingxiu was reopened and rescue troops arrived at the school.The first of the troops that Dong saw wore orange suits with Shanghai Fire Department and Anhui FireDepartment emblems. Seeing those orange suits, Dong felt warm, hopeful and full of strength. Themorning had also seen a number of people from the town coming to help, along with a crane and aloader.Dong and the others had thought of using machines in the rescue. But none of them knew how to operatethem for such purpose, and before the road was reopened, there was no way of getting the equipmentinto Yingxiu. Afterwards, Dong often thought it might be much better if they could have used themachines earlier; on 15 May two cranes came, but there were very few people that could still be saved.Not many children had vital signs, and the teachers already saved most of the children that could besaved.As well as the rescue troops and hospital staff, some government leaders also came. Su saw thecommissioner of Aba Prefecture, Wu, who knew Cheng’s father well. But, occupied with savingstudents, Su forgot to ask Wu to send a message to Cheng’s father. A long time after the event, when hetalked about this again with his father-in-law, he was full of remorse.On that day, the rescue was mostly carried out by the troops. The teachers’ task was to cordon off therescue area to keep the residents out. Some people wanted to join in the rescue efforts, but the troopswere much more experienced, professional and effective, and so they firmly stuck to the orders. Thiscaused some emotional upset but, overall, people were cooperative. No-one attacked the teachers asthey had done just after the earthquake; they all had seen what the teachers had done for the students.The troops had come to Yingxiu on foot, and as such, hadn’t brought much equipment. They wereequally helpless with the large slabs and girders, and simply dug in the rubble with their hands like theteachers.Zhang Shiqi was still trapped. Neither conversation nor water and pieces of sausage seemed to instillany hope in her. Su was worried that she would fall asleep—because once she did, she might never Page | 104

wake up again. He kept talking to her, and remembers clearly her few words:“Mr. Su, my hair is messy and ugly. Please help me fix it.”“It doesn’t matter. It looks just fine.”“Mr. Su, my pants are broken. Could you find me a good pair of pants?”“Don’t worry, I’ll find one for you when you get out.”When the experienced Shanghai Earthquake Relief Team arrived on the evening of 14 May, Su againhoped that they would save the children still trapped.The rescuers immediately got to work, without a moment’s rest. They saved three children that night.But Zhang Shiqi was trapped in a particularly difficult place and so they would have to wait untildaylight to begin rescuing her.Night fell again. Beside the light bulb connected to the car battery were a several dead bodies. One wassmashed and deformed by ring beam; others had parts of their arms missing. Concerned that the sightof these horrifying bodies might discourage Zhang Shiqi, Su moved the light away from them. Still, shehad probably already seen it all, he supposed.In Su’s memory, the last gesture of Zhang Shiqi was full of despair. She was scraping the bricks anddirt around her, saying dreamily: “Mr. Su, you’re so tired and hungry; you should go and eat something.I’m going to eat something too. Ay, my chopsticks, where’re my chopsticks…”Su turned away from her. He felt so helplessly desperate that he couldn’t bear to look at Zhang’s face.He asked Tang Yongzhong over to look after Zhang for a while.Before he left, Su put a cushion under Zhang’s body and a coat over her, saying: “You have a goodsleep. Try to save some energy. Tomorrow morning you’ll be out of here.”“Alright,” answered Zhang.“Don’t worry about anything. Sleep tight. Don’t worry.”“Sure,” she answered, again. And then:“OK, I’m going to sleep. I’m closing my eyes now.”Back in the playground, Su and the others helped the fire crew build sheds. The other rescuers werehelping too. They were far more skilled than the teachers. Of the children and teachers saved by therescue troops, those that were still alive were sent to the temporary first-aid quarter, and the dead placedside-by-side on the lawn. Su was still in charge of the statistics. Sometime later, Su saw a picture ofhimself on the internet—just his hand, holding a pen, checking the list of names with the governmentofficials.Seeing the maritime satellite telephone in the hands of a rescuer, Su hoped to call his and Cheng’sparents to tell them what had happened in Yingxiu. But eventually he didn’t ask. As the only connectionto the outside world, the phone was incredibly busy. Su didn’t want to use his privilege as a teacher for Page | 105

his own good.That night, the teachers worked in small groups in rotation, each lasting a few hours, to assist the rescuetroops. Dong, Su and Li Yongqiang worked in a group together, and all of them must sign under eachrecord. Afterwards, the list would be passed to the next group on rotation.At midnight, Su, Dong and Li Yongqiang sat in the shed, resting after their rotation. But Su couldn’tkeep Zhang Shiqi’s final words to him out of his mind: “OK, I’m going to sleep. I’m closing my eyesnow.”When he walked away from her, Su had stood and watched her for a few minutes, not sure what wouldhappen to her. Later, when another teacher, Li Xuejian, took half a bottle of water to her, Su handedsome spare biscuits he had to Li Xuejian and said: “You take these to her. Let her eat well before whenleaves. She has to eat well for the last time in her life.” The two teachers looked at each other: neitherthought there was any possibility that Zhang Shiqi would be saved.When Li Xuejian returned, he told Su that Zhang was eating. Su didn’t dare to ask more. “I told herthat we and the soldiers would come to save her tomorrow morning,” said Li Xuejian.The smell of the decaying bodies was becoming stronger and stronger. The pungent smell seeped intotheir lungs, making people want to vomit, pass out, flee. But they couldn’t do any of these things: theywere teachers and there were so many children watching them, waiting for them, expecting them.They went to the doctor and asked for face masks. Dampening the masks with liquor, the air smelled alittle better. But as soon as the liquor had all evaporated, the stench returned.The teachers knew that disease prevention would be the next priority for post-disaster Yingxiu. Thedecaying bodies might pollute the drinking water; food would spoil; flies, mosquitoes and rats wouldinhabit the ruins, the dumps, tents and toilets… If no action was taken, this increasingly repulsive smellwould also mean the unavoidable outbreak of disease, and even more deaths. They shuddered at thethought.At midnight, Su and Dong let Liu’s group take over their task and were having a rest in the shed. Ontheir way back to the shed near the power station, they were given food distributed by the government.But the portion was so small they had to eat it slowly, a bit at a time.Finding a few 1.5 meter-wide planks, they happily carried them back to the shed, excited about thepossibility of using them to lie down on to take a nap. Exhausted, they felt they might collapse at anymoment.On the way, they chatted. “How come you look so effortless carrying those planks? Are mine heavierthan yours?” Dong asked Su.But when they arrived at the shed, there was no room: it was full—occupied by teachers and villagers.Dong and Su didn’t want to drive the villagers away. Though they had built the shed and it was clear itwas being used by teachers working on rotation, the exhausted-looking faces in sleep filled them with Page | 106

pity. Instead, they went to a dying fire nearby to warm themselves up.Looking in the ruins for pieces of wood to keep the fire going, Su found a bamboo mat used on the sofa.“Such a nice mat,” he said “But it’s useless now. Shall I throw it away?” Dong took a look at it andreplied: “Don’t. We can use it. Let’s bring it back.” They lay the plank flat and covered it with thebamboo mat. Though the rainwater was still running beneath them, it felt superb to finally stretch outand lie flat.Dong told Su: “You take a nap first. I’ll wake you after two hours.” Su fell into deep slumber the secondhis head touched the mat. Dong stoked the fire to try and drive away the cold.***When Su awoke, it was five o’clock in the morning. He asked Dong with embarrassment: “Why didn’tyou wake me?”“You were so fast asleep. I didn’t want to disturb you,” replied Dong, tossing another piece of woodonto the fire.The two of them sat beside the fire. It looked like they talked a lot, or perhaps they were just sittingthere quietly to keep each other company.It was 15 May 2008, the fourth day after the earthquake.Su and Dong were preparing diesel for the troops when they saw Liu running towards them in a hurry.“You should eat; go back and eat something,” he told them. His face showed no trace of pain, thoughboth his wife and son were still missing.Su remembers clearly going back to get food: Yu Qin, another teacher, filled their bowls with rice butit was unpalatable and they asked Yu for some salt. At this, Yu said in a low voice “You all worked toohard. You should have more”. She discretely cut some pieces of sausage and gave one each to the maleteachers. “Don’t worry about anything else. Just take more.”The smell of decay was becoming worse. But there was good news too: at 10:20 am on 15 May, the lastreinforced bar trapping Zhang Shiqi was finally cut away. Doctors stood by with gauze and first-aidmedicines; the soldiers had prepared a stretcher; and journalists turned the cameras towards the crack…Twenty minutes later, Zhang Shiqi, the 11-year-old fourth grader in Yingxiu Primary School, wassuccessfully rescued, four days after the earthquake and three days after she was found.She was immediately transferred to a simple tent. The doctor quickly checked her wounds and warned:“Girl, take care not to open your eyes now.” Once a person had stayed for too long in the darkness,they can be blinded when suddenly exposed to light. In four days of being trapped Zhang Shiqi had notshed a single tear but, as the doctor disinfected her shin where the bone was exposed, she finally criedout: “It hurts!”“You’re a very brave kid” said the doctor, soothingly. “So many uncles and aunts are trying to saveyou. Don’t be scared. You’ll be fine!” Page | 107

“I want water, water…” she mumbled in reply.At that moment, Zhang Shiqi didn’t know that although she had survived, she was facing the very realpossibility of amputation. As Su watched her leave Yingxiu in a helicopter headed towards ChengduCity for treatment, he had mixed feelings.At noon that day, the troops surveyed the campus with life detectors: “No more signs of life detected.The rescue is discontinued.”Rescue discontinued? The crowd of parents waiting beside the ruins for their children to come homebegan to panic.But our children are still buried underneath! Comrade, could you try again? Maybe there are childrenstill alive! The parents and teachers couldn’t believe it; they were still waiting for a miracle. But theorder was to retreat when no more life could be detected, because more people were in need of rescue.Helplessness. Resigned helplessness.Why stop?! Why not continue?!The few surviving male teachers dropped down onto the exercise ground. Someone brought over abottle of liquor and they passed it around, taking turns to drink. Afterwards, they lay under the shedmotionlessly.That day, some representatives from the government came to share their condolences. All the teacherswere overwhelmed with grief, for their lost or missing families.And exhaustion with no hope was deadly.The moment she came outThe troops discontinued the rescue according to the order. Helpless, Su thought of his wife. Even withtwo failed attempts, he still wanted to save her lifeless body from the ruins. He couldn’t bear the thoughtof leaving her there—no decency or dignityWhen he arrived at the kindergarten, Su met trainee soldiers from a command college, who werecarrying out rescue work in the kindergarten. Finding their supervisor, he pleaded, “Comrade, I begyou. Please get my wife out.” Su almost broke into tears.The kindergarten director, Ma, and a teacher, Ma Xiaoling, were rooting for Su: “Comrade, this is ateacher from the primary school. Please help him get her out.” The trainee soldiers went to whereCheng was buried. There was her cell phone, already dug out. Looking on, Su’s heart broke. He waspraying for miracle and at the same time begging: “Don’t hurt her. Don’t hurt her.”They used five jacks and broke them all. But finally, the ring beam on Cheng’s body was removed. Sucried feebly. He wanted to run to her and hold her, but the soldiers held him tightly. Instead, heclambered over the ruins and found an old bed on which to lay her body and relatively new floral Page | 108

bedsheet. The sheet was a bit wet, but he wanted to cover her up. Cheng loved beautiful things andwould like to be covered with such a beautiful sheet. The flowers might help her sleep and feel better.The director of the kindergarten was also there. She helped Su wrap Cheng with the bedsheet, and coverher with a waterproof cloth. Su found himself tearless. He finally understood that a man could be tooheartbroken to cry. Cheng’s cell phone was still in Su’s hands, its owner was already in another world.Su copied down a few numbers, and with that, the cell phone powered off. He left it with his wife.Though the alarm would never wake her up again in this life, he knew that, being a diligent person, shewould want the alarm o’clock in the next.Su gave Cheng’s bag to Qin, a female teacher from the primary school: “This bag is very important tome. Keep it safe for me no matter what happens.” From then on, Qin would assure Su each time shesaw him: “Don’t worry. I won’t lose your bag no matter what happens.” This gesture of friendshiptouched Su deeply.That afternoon, once the rescue had ceased, an old lady distributed black ribbons at each ruin site.According to local custom, these ribbons should be wrapped around the victims. Su borrowed a penfrom the kindergarten director and, under instruction from the old woman, wrote down on two stickingplasters Cheng’s name, his relationship to her and his phone number. He stuck them to the cloth wrappedaround her body, one inside and one outside.Once this was done, Su was still reluctant to leave her. From the ruins of a nearby shop that heremembered sold incense and candles, he found some joss sticks. On his way back, a well-meaningperson gave him another bundle.Crouching beside Cheng, Su was at a loss. He gazed fixedly at his wife, wrapped up. The smoke fromthe incense curled upwards. And he knew that this was goodbye forever.Chapter 6. To leave or to stay?Alive or dead, we need themIt was 3pm on 15 May. At Yingxiu Primary School, the Anhui fire brigade and Shanghai fire brigadeannounced to the family members of the victims that, after several rounds of careful detection, therewas no sign of life in the ruins. According to the order, they had to relocate to other sites to search forthose who might still be alive.The last glimmer of hope dimmed. One by one, the parents left.There was, at that time, no accurate figure of how many students and teachers at Yingxiu Primary Schoolhad been lost. Some parents who had been to the ruins said that at least 200 people had died. In fact,the earthquake had taken the lives of 20 of the 46 teachers, and 222 of the 473 students. All of theschool’s fixed assets were also destroyed.Amid the rubble, an inconsolable mother was still calling out for her child. Another two parents wereburning their children’s clothes nearby, in accordance with local custom. Page | 109

On the school exercise ground, there were burning joss sticks and candles, and rows and rows ofchildren’s bodies. Tan, whose hair and beard had turned grey overnight, lay motionless at the center ofthe exercise ground as though he too was dead.“Why not leave?” a journalist asked him.“I have a few hundred students and dozens of teachers here. Though there are no more survivors, I wantto be with those who already passed away,” answered Tan. With these words, tears fell from his cheeks,and no one asked any more questions.Like the other teachers, when faced with the internal question of ‘students or family’, Tan had stayedwith the collapsed teaching building to search for teachers and students. For three days and three nights,he didn’t leave the school, even though his wife and mother-in-law were buried in a residential buildingless than 100 meters away from the school. He didn’t have the time to go and search for them.Due to the lack of food and water available, and concern about an imminent outbreak of disease, mostpeople—including the surviving teachers and students of Yingxiu Primary School—had started toevacuate the town. The once busy and lively school was suddenly quiet. Still, Tan and Liu stayed. Whereshould they go? What would be the use in leaving?Liu didn’t leave because he had not given up. He was pricked by his conscience because he still hadn’tfound his wife and son. He stared at the vast ruins in tearless grief. Even if he wanted to kowtow to hisdeparted family members, he couldn’t find the right direction.Tan tried to persuade him: “Let’s go. We must go, too. What if something happens?”“I don’t care. My family has left, and I am the only one now. Even if something happens to me, there’snothing I can cling to in this world. I’m not leaving—definitely not. I have to go look for Kong Li andSiyu. I just can’t leave them alone.” Liu’s face was lifeless with grief, rain and dust. Rubbing his dryeyes, he continued: “If the road were blocked after we’ve cleared the ruins, we’ll climb over themountains. At least you’ll have a company if I stay here.” Tan nodded heavily.Even when there are no more survivors, we have to dig the children’s bodies out, thought Liu. We can’tjust leave them buried under the ruins. So, he returned to the rubble in search for any sign of life.***Soon, the government sent a group of people to the school to help clear the ruins. Tan and Liu, as theywere familiar with the campus, led the cleaning team around the school. There was just one crane andone bulldozer on site but, as time passed, more and more volunteers joined the clearing, and a few moretroops arrived on foot. Liu suddenly felt that he might soon see his wife and son.On the morning of 16 May, Tan and Liu slogged up a hill, each carrying a bucket of spring water. Ontheir way, many people greeted them, but they kept their heads low; the guilt they felt about their lostfamilies did not make them feel like talking. Back to the makeshift shed, someone served the two menporridge. They finished their meals in silence. Page | 110

Two hours later, came sudden news: another survivor had been found. They hurried back without delay.The lucky girl, a student at Yingxiu, was Shang Ting. Discovered by an 83-year-old woman, she wasthe last survivor from the school.The old lady was Zhu Qunxue. Her grandson, Wu Mingling, a fifth grader who would have turned 13in August, had been trapped in the ruins with the other students. After the disaster, the old woman hadinsisted on finding her grandson. At 6am on 16 May, she once again went to the school, a bamboo basketon her back. In her basket, there were the boy’s clothes and a white cloth. “If the child comes out,” shesaid, “I’ll wrap him up with the clothes and take him home, whether he is alive or dead. If he’s dead, Ihave to find him, dig him out, and bury him beside his dead grandpa.”She reached her calloused hands into the cracks between bricks, concrete blocks, and slabs in search ofthe boy. Under the tilted staircase of the school, she found a hole. Reaching inside, she found severalchildren, piled together. The first she reached was dead, and so was the next. And then, she found aliving girl.Liu received the orders and went to the dorm of Yingxiu Power Plant to request support from the troops.Hearing the news, the rescuers from Jinan public security and fire detachment immediately went to theschool.At around 3pm, the girl’s mother, Liu Shunqiu, heard the news that there was a survivor, a girl, and sherushed to the school. Her 10-year-old daughter was a fourth grader in the school. On her way, she foundout that the little girl had told rescuers that her family name was Shang. Liu Shunqiu immediately feltthat this girl might be her daughter.At 5:30pm, after sustained efforts, the girl was saved. Liu Shunqiu recognized the child’s yellow shirtat first sight: it was the very same one that her daughter had worn on the day of the earthquake!One of the child’s eyes was decaying and festering from a wound, and one of her legs was severelyinjured too. But the first thing she said when she saw her mother was: “Mom, is dad alright?” Whenthe family finally reunited, Liu Shunqiu told her husband in tears: “Our daughter may lose an eye!”Her husband, Shang Wanping, replied: “It’s good enough that she’s alive!”In that moment, as a witness to the disaster and to such a family bond, Liu burst into tears.***The day after Shang Ting was saved, yet another great tragedy was cruelly revealed beneath the concreteslabs. During the clearing, Liu and Tan dug for students, identified them and kept an account of whothey’d found. Whenever a student or a teacher was found, an autopsy would be carried out and DNAsample taken. They had to survey each of the bodies carefully. It was a cruel and painful task.But when the crane finally removed the layers of concrete slabs, both Liu and Tan fell to their knees.Huddled beneath the concrete were dead children. Eighty dead children. They were all in the corridor—closest to the exercise ground—but nevertheless devoured by the earthquake. Page | 111

Eighty children. A total of 80. Liu and Tan identified them, and wrote down their names and classes oneby one. With each child, it was as though they were being ripped apart again and again, like a woundthat would never heal.In such deep grief, Liu ate little and infrequently. When he was thirsty, he would pick up a discardedbottle of water from the ground and take a sip. When he was drowsy, he would nap near the rubble. Hedidn’t wash his face or feet, nor change his clothes. Neither Tan nor Liu ever really rested: from thebreak of dawn to after midnight, they were like robots. Exhaustion and keeping busy helped themmomentarily to forget the sorrow that was now so deep in their hearts.As well as keeping records of the victims, Liu also went back and forth to direct the troops andvolunteers, showing them where potential survivors might be, where clearing was needed, and wherethey could get diesel for the crane. In a single day, he would run up to a dozen trips between YingxiuPrimary School and Zhangjiaping Village alone. Liu’s leather shoes were worn through, and his feetwere severely blistered. Every step he took caused him excruciating pain. The blisters burst, and thewounds reached deep into the muscle, which couldn’t bleed anymore…On one of his trips, Liu found a discarded pair of cotton-padded shoes. He put them on immediately. Itwas May and, now that the rain had stopped, it was getting hotter. But Liu wore those cotton-paddedshoes until 24 May. As soon as he put them on, he hurled his leather shoes far, far away, as though hewere throwing away the wretched sadness and depressing dark clouds with them.On the rescue site, Chinese liquor was in abundant supply, used as disinfectant. But Liu didn’t care: hewas too tired, and his heart was feeling tired too, and so every hour or so, he would sip some liquor. Itwas the only way he felt he could keep going.On 19 May, the digger arrived at Yingxiu Primary School and began to excavate the collapsed teachingbuilding. Liu sat on the ruins nearby, saying to the digger driver: “Don’t break those people in there.Don’t break them.”“I’ll take care,” the kind-hearted driver answered. “Don’t worry.”The digger advanced cautiously, inch by inch. Liu gave directions to the driver, as he tried to hold backhis pain. He was scared of the prospect of seeing his wife and son, who had been missing for so manydays now. He didn’t know how to face them.Liu watched as his colleagues and their relatives were dug out one by one. But, as more and morechildren’s bodies were discovered, the parents turned their anger toward him. They were losing control:they cursed the teachers, claiming that the teachers were negligent by failing to get the children out ofthe buildings and to safety. Liu cried again: in such a disaster, how much could a teacher do? Hiscolleagues had also lost their lives, so many of them! And he himself had lost his own family!During those few days in Yingxiu, Liu felt more stressed than he had in the days immediately after theearthquake.The weather was getting hotter, and the smell of decaying bodies was becoming stronger. Liu wore twolayers of masks, each layer dipped in cooling ointment and liquor. Still, the smell penetrated the masks Page | 112

and made him sick. Liu had hoped for countless times that he could throw up everything he had, becausehe had nothing left inside of him. Nevertheless, he had to hold back.***Su was surrounded by many volunteers, who had moved him deeply. Among them were a family fromShandong Province—a couple and a teenager, who was about 17 or 18 years old. From the day that theyarrived, they kept digging in the ruins. The wife’s black shirt had become filthy, but she wrote on theback: ‘Never give up on any life!’On the 18th day, relief materials arrived. Because their shirts, pants, and shoes were dirty, the familywere given a camouflage each. The couple wouldn’t take theirs, and only the teenager took one. “We’rehere to help, and we don’t need to be helped,” they explained. “Give them to those who need it most.”Liu felt sympathetic and tried to persuade them: “Rescuers need clothes too! You’ve been digging fordays in the ruins and won’t so much as take a rest. I’m deeply moved and impressed by you. We canonly feel better if you accept these.” But still the woman returned the suit.This family from Shandong had deeply impressed Liu. He was grateful towards all the volunteers whohad come to Yingxiu Primary School from all over the country. Their assistance had greatly lessenedthe burden that weighed on his and Tan’s shoulders. For example, upon Liu’s request, the governmenthad assigned someone to cook for them. The woman seemed to have never cooked at home before, butshe tried her best and prepared them hot meals—even when they came back at 2 or 3am. The warmthfrom such kindness was beyond compare.***During the days that he stayed, Liu had endured a lot. The troops worked around the clock in threeshifts, while Liu and Tan worked in just two shifts, each lasting 12 hours. He bore whatever interrogation,pain, and exhaustion that came at him, but on 17 May, he broke down.That afternoon, as he returned from leading the clearing team out of the campus, Liu was suddenlygripped by a man who had appeared out of nowhere. A second later, Liu recognized the stranger, andbegan to weep like a child. It was his second brother.Liu’s second brother had left Maoxian County to look for him the day after the earthquake. He carriedfood and blankets so that he could eat and sleep on the way. It took him a total of four days over themountains and hills to finally reach Yingxiu on the afternoon of 17 May. At the beginning of the journey,there were dozens of people who were also on their way to Yingxiu to look for their families. But onlythree of them made it past all the hardships and completed the journey.When he finally saw Yingxiu, he found it hard to believe that these ruins, broken walls, and sad facesbelonged to the once picturesque little town. His heart sank. He was preparing himself for the worst:making funeral arrangements for his younger brother and his family.Hot with anxiety, Liu’s brother had rushed to the primary school, exhausted as he was from the longtrip. But he didn’t find the person he wanted to see most there. Was what he had feared true? He Page | 113

nervously asked the people who might know his brother’s whereabouts. Liu would be back in a minute.Back in a minute!Reunited, as Liu wept, his brother said, “Well, well, you’re alright, aren’t you?”“But, they’re both gone,” Liu was inconsolable, almost unable to speak.“You’re still here. That’s great. That’s great,” tears ran down his brother’s cheeks too.In all the time he’d spent digging in the ruins, Liu hadn’t once stopped worrying about his family. Heknew nothing of his parents-in-law in Wenchuan County, his own family in Maoxian County, hisyounger brother in Shuimo Town, or his wife and son in the debris. He felt helpless and hopeless,abandoned by the whole world. How he had hoped that, in this fragile moment, he could have someoneelse to rely on! He once fantasized how wonderful it would be if his siblings, relatives, and friends werewith him. At least they could give him a hand and some comfort.What kind of feeling was that? Many years later, when Liu thought back on that moment again, he wasstill full of sorrow. He felt that he had shed enough tears in those few days to last a lifetime.But, on 22 May, when he finally saw his son, he broke down and cried again.It was early morning. Among the bodies just cleared from the debris, Liu saw that familiar little face.Wordlessly, he fell to the ground next to his son, tears gushing from his eyes.Siyu’s body had remained intact even after ten days of being buried in the ruins. When Liu’s tears dried,he was overwhelmed with self-blame: perhaps his son was not pinned? Maybe there had been roombeneath the ruins? If they had found this place earlier, would his son have been saved?There was no pain, only hope on his son’s face. He was such a young boy, only just six years old. Washe waiting all that time for his father to come and save him? Did he make it through two days, or evenmore, after the disaster? Yes, Liu thought, when he saw his son’s face. He must have believed that hisparents would come to save him. And for that, Liu would condemn himself for the rest of his life.And so the boy was ‘saved’. But like everyone that had been deprived of life in the earthquake, he hadto have an autopsy. Liu implored the forensic expert: “I want to keep his body intact, would you helpme?” The expert was sympathetic and approved; as a father himself, he understood only too well howthis man must feel after losing his home and family.At 2am, Liu and his brother carried Siyu’s body up the hill. They found a flat clearing among the treesand dug a grave there. The grave was huge, and Liu thought his son might be scared there, alone. So hedecided he would take Kong Li there too, when he found her, believing that she would be more thanwilling to be with her son in heaven.He took off the son’s jade pendant as a keepsake.As he did all this, Liu kept remembering how lovely and understanding Siyu had been. The words hesaid, the way he smiled, how he felt asleep alone on the bed, things they had done together, promises Page | 114

they had made, and places they had been to… He reminisced about every detail of his son. But all thosebeautiful things would now only ever be in Liu’s memory, sealed away, because of this suddencatastrophe.Back at the school, they began to clear the debris of the collapsed faculty apartment building. Liu’sheart was pounding anxiously. The five-storey building had totally collapsed. The first floor was nowthe ground floor, as the ground floor had sunk beneath the earth. Liu’s apartment was on the fourth floor,lying unrecognizable in the debris. And his wife, Kong Li, was quietly lying there too, waiting for herhusband.Afraid that Liu might lose control, Liu’s brother gripped his arms tightly.As the rescuers worked through the debris, Liu was worried that they might break Kong’s body: “Whenyou’re digging, please dig from the outside,” he implored. “Don’t just clutch her, that way she wouldbe easily broken.”Two hours later, the rubble covering Kong Li was cleared, and there she was, lying quietly on the sofa.As she left this world, did she feel the sofa, soft, still beneath her? Was she cold? Liu once againcrumpled, unable to speak, cry or walk.Memories of his wife flooded Liu’s mind. The scenes of affection and warmth between them replayedin his mind’s eye like a film. Going grocery shopping downtown together. She liked to play mahjong,and sometimes she would ask Liu to stand in for her. When he declined, she would pout: “Just a fewrounds!” After a full day’s classes, Liu would come home, exhausted, and sometimes short-tempered,and she would try to straighten him out by reminding him of his ambition. As well as all the housework,she also had a lot of teaching to do, and it was common for her to have four or five classes in a day. Shewas tired too, but she never complained. She had given far more to the family than Liu. Liu hadn’t evenbought a pair of socks after marriage, because his wife already took care of everything…In that moment, Liu’s deepest regret was that he used to childishly take everything for granted. Hebelieved that it was his wife’s duty to do all these things, and she was tireless. He could have done better,treated her better, and cared for her more. But he couldn’t turn back the clock. Once happiness was lost,it was lost forever. No regret could make up for anything.Liu again begged the forensic expert to leave Kong’s body complete, so that on the way to heaven, hisson would recognize his own mother. Once he’d signed the autopsy report, he and his brother carriedKong uphill to the grave they had dug.“Son, dad has brought mom here. Are you still waiting?”“Darling, our son is waiting ahead. You need to walk a bit faster and catch him.”“Son, be a good kid in heaven. Don’t be naughty. Don’t make your mother angry. If you miss dad, youcan come to Yingxiu and take a look. I will be here. I will always be here, because I want to stay in theplace where you two rested.”“Darling, don’t be too sad. I don’t like to see you cry. We will meet again, but it’ll take a bit of time. Page | 115

When you’re over there, you can come into my dream when you miss me. Then I’ll come up here to seeyou and talk to you. I’ll bring you wild flowers in the spring, send you fresh cherries in the summer,write you poems in the fall, and keep you company in the howling winter winds. Don’t worry about me.I’ll take care of myself and live a good life. I’ll become brave again and look forward to the future.”After burying his wife and son together, Liu erected a gravestone for them. For a long time, he knelt infront of him, blaming himself over and over for not being a good husband or father. His second brotherknelt beside him, trying to console him, saying that Liu had done what he could: he knew that there waslittle hope for them, but he never gave up and finally found them. And he had even managed to burythem together in a place with the most beautiful view in spring.***At 8am on 24 May—the 12th day since the earthquake—the ruins of Yingxiu Primary School werefinally cleared. All the bodies of the dead teachers and students had been found.When the sun came out, Liu and Tan went to the mountain valley and showered under the cold water.They took off the filthy clothes they had been wearing for almost two weeks, and changed into cleancamouflage uniforms. In that moment, they realized that they were back in the human world.The following day, on 25 May, Liu and Tan said goodbye to Yingxiu and took a truck heading towardsDujiangyan City. Looking back at the town they had left behind, the two of them were beyond grief andremained speechless. They didn’t want to leave, not even for a moment, the place that had witnessedsome of the most important moments in their lives. But they both had family members outside Yingxiuwho had been affected by the earthquake; they needed to see how they were doing.A heavy rain came again. The two men sitting on the top of the truck were soaking wet. After hours ofjolting and bumping, the truck arrived in Pixian County.Becoming an earthquake refugeeAt noon on 15 May, a tottering old couple arrived in Yingxiu. They had set out from Dujiangyan Citythe day before and 24 hours later they finally saw the person they had travelled to see. But their dearestdaughter and grandson were never to be seen again.When the earthquake struck, Dong’s father-in-law was at the hospital in Dujiangyan City attending tohis wife, who was there undergoing hemodialysis. The ground had begun to shake before all the bloodhad all returned to her body and the old man tried his best to protect her during the chaos that ensured.Luckily, Dujiangyan was not the epicenter, and neither were hurt physically.They were worried about their daughter and son-in-law, and prayed silently that Yingxiu was alright.But all the roads to Yingxiu had been cut off by the disaster and so they stayed in Dujiangyan for twodays. As soon as they heard the road to Yingxiu had reopened, they set out for the town.On their way, all the people they met were Yingxiu residents who had become refugees overnight.Anxious, they dared not think the worst. They didn’t know anything yet. So they quickened their steps, Page | 116

hoping to see their family all the sooner.When they reached the Aba Aluminum Factory, it was too dark for them to continue. Everywhere theycould see debris flows and precipices. Anything could happen out in the darkness, and so the old couplehuddled together in the freezing winds and rain, and waited out the long, tormenting night.At the first glimmer of dawn, they set out again on their journey towards Yingxiu, carrying each other.Stumbling along, they finally saw the flagpole of Yingxiu Primary School. Seeing it, they felt a miraclemust have passed. But as they soon saw, it was the last thing that stood of the school; all else was inruins.Hurrying onto the campus, the first person they met was principal Tan Guoqiang. He ought to knowwhat has happened to our daughter and son-in-law, they thought hopefully. But their hopeful eyes metwith Tan’s gloomy, self-condemning look.They understood Tan and stayed in the refugee settlement according to his order, waiting for their son-in-law anxiously.Hearing of the old couple’s arrival, Dong immediately ran towards the settlement. But how could heface them? How would he tell them that their daughter and grandson were both lost? And when hismother-in-law was already so ill? When he married their daughter, he had promised to protect her andcare for her as long as he lived. Not even ten years later, his promise had been cruelly torn from him.Before he reached the settlement, several female teachers stopped him, saying: “Don’t feel too sad. Wealready told your parents everything, and they are not looking very well now. Be strong.”His colleagues’ words made Dong’s nose twitch. He found the old couple, and before he could speak,tears trickled down his face. The old man, holding back his own tears, patted Dong on the back: “Goodboy, don’t be too sad. Don’t feel so bad. Nobody could have anticipated such a thing would happen.Thank god that you’re alive. Take care of yourself. Cherish your life.”Dong was moved to tears again by these words. He had tried hard to hold them back, wanting to bestrong in front of the old couple. But now he let his emotions run rampant—not only because of griefand self-blame, but also because, as well as being a father, he was also a child. He also wanted a shoulderto cry on. Only in this moment could he show his weakness. Otherwise, he had to be tough.He brought the old couple two bowls of instant noodles and stood beside them quietly.It was a long noon that never seemed to pass. The rain had stopped, and the bodies, under the sun,smelled repulsive. There were three bodies near to where they stood: wrapped in layers of cottonbattings, liquid was already seeping through the fabric. Dong didn’t know whether he should take theold couple to see their grandson. His wife had still not been found.To prevent a post-disaster outbreak of disease, the government decided to bury all the bodiescollectively and sent an official to get signed consent from the victims’ families. Dong Xuhao was still‘sleeping’ on the lawn but in such chaos, where could Dong find a safe and peaceful place to bury him?Having no choice, he signed on the consent form. Page | 117

The government then forced non-rescuers to leave the site. An official tried to persuade Dong to leave,not only for himself, but also for the safety of the old couple. Tan offered words of comfort: “The lostare gone. Taking good care of the living—that’s your duty as a son.” He promised that once Dong’swife was found, he would make sure that she had a decent departure.The first group of people left Yingxiu at lunchtime. At 4pm, Dong saw that his mother-in-law’scondition was deteriorating. He began to worry that if he insisted on staying, the old couple would staywith him, waiting for their daughter to ‘come back’. The two of them might die here, Dong thought…He began to persuade them that they should leave.As they staggered out of Yingxiu, they looked back at what lay behind them, back at the the sufferingtown, the wife buried in the debris, and the child in painless sleep.Dong took with him in a sack a flashlight, a scythe and some food donated by kind-hearted colleagues.With the sack on his back and the two old people depending on him, Dong felt bitter. He never oncethought that he would be in such a dire situation.But the trip went smoothly, and they soon reached the aluminum factory once again. There they boardeda tug boat that was ferrying people out of the hard-hit areas. There were more than 400 people aboard,and the boat was going very slowly. The floor was covered with water so no-one could sit, but onlysquat. Dong’s knees too swollen and painful from injury, so he stood for the whole five hours.When the tug pulled in to the shores of Zipingpu Dam, it was completely dark.Ambulances were waiting near the shore, and Dong told the doctor in charge about his mother-in-law.The doctor immediately laid the old woman down on the only bed they had and administered oxygento her. Dong and his parents-in-law were also given food and water. Dong later learned that theambulances and doctors were from the Sixth People’s Hospital of Chengdu, and had been workingaround the clock, since the earthquake, to transfer and treat the wounded. Like Dong, they had had notime to rest.Feeling certain that the old couple would be taken care of, Dong got off the ambulance on HappinessAvenue, Dujiangyan, giving his father-in-law his own father’s number so that they could let him knowwhen they had arrived at the hospital.Happiness Avenue was once prosperous and glamorous. The principal road in Dujiangyan City, it waslined with straight gingko trees on both sides, punctuated with traditional, Chinese-style bus stops andartificial streams. Earlier that year the lights along the avenue had also been upgraded. Tourists lovedto walk along here, taking photos. But this was nothing like the scene that now greeted Dong.In the dark, the avenue was strewn with tents. Everything looked so strange, Dong was at a loss. Hedidn’t even know where the passenger transportation center was, even though he used to go through itwhenever he travelled to or from the city.Eventually, Dong reached the bank near his home. Seeing several police there on duty, Dong asked:“Why isn’t there anybody on the streets? Happiness Avenue should full of people; where is everyone?”Then he realized it was already midnight. How would he find anyone at such a late hour? Dong asked Page | 118

the police officer to help him call his family, who were still, after so many days, unaware of where andhow he was.Dong called his mother’s cell phone, but it was his younger sister that picked up.“Brother, are you back?” she said immediately. “How many others are with you?”Dong answered: “Don’t ask!”His sister paused for a second, and then continued: “Brother, come quickly to the TCM Hospital. We’rehere.”TCM Hospital? Dong was startled. What could they be doing in the hospital so late at night? Filled withforeboding, he turned and ran in the direction of the hospital. Reaching the street corner, a police offerstopped him: “What are you doing here? Running so fast?” But Dong’s appearance soon convinced theofficer that he was a disaster refugee and not a marauder.Dong carried on, running through the city’s collapsed buildings. His heavy footsteps echoed throughthe silent streets and made him all the more fearful. Reaching a crossroads, he finally saw a street light,not far from which was his sister, pacing up and down, and waiting for him.Entering the hospital together, Dong saw many of his relatives there: his father, his third uncle and hiseighth uncle. His mother, he was told, was buried under the collapsed hospital building.How had his mother, who was always very healthy, ended up in hospital on the day that the earthquakehad hit?It turned out that Dong’s jiuma (the wife of his mother’s brother) was ill and staying in the TCMHospital. Dong’s mother had gone to TCM to pay the medical bills, as jiuma’s family were havingfinancial difficulties. As the oldest child and having only one younger sibling, Dong’s mother wasalways considerate and attentive towards her brother’s family.When the earthquake happened, Dong’s father was at home, but his mother, third aunt and jiuma wereat TCM Hospital and were all buried when the building collapsed. The following morning, Dong’s thirdaunt and jiuma were saved. Jiuma was unhurt, but his aunt’s right hand had been crushed. After firstthinking they might have to amputate her hand, doctors managed to save it, though it was never asflexible as it was before. But compared to Dong’s mother, they were more than lucky.A little past 2am, Dong’s third uncle, who was a taxi driver, took Dong back to his home. Here, Dongwashed his face and hair, and, gradually, felt life return to his body, little by little.Hearing Dong arrive, his eighth aunt got up out of bed and began preparing a meal. It was the firstproper meal Dong had had since the earthquake, with meat and vegetables, and it was delicious. Theystayed the night to listen to Dong’s accounts of what happened in Yingxiu. Never could they havethought such things would happen to those so close to them.Early on the morning on the 16 May, Dong returned to the hospital and joined his father as they waited Page | 119

for his mother. The afternoon before, Dong’s father told him, her bag had been dug out of the ruins. Hercell phone, which Dong had called hours later at midnight, was still working; the hearts of mother andson were connected. Of everyone, she would have been the one who most wanted to hear that her childhad come back to her safely.Dong’s father was deeply touched by this coincidence, and gave his wife’s cell phone to Dong: “Thisrepresents the connection between you and your mom. You can use this cell phone from now on.” WhenDong took the cell phone, he was already in tears. But disaster was ruthless. Several times, doctorsasked him to identify the bodies that had been carried out of the debris. None were his mother.She was not found until the following morning, and she was already dead. The doctor handled the bodyin a simple way, and sent it on to the crematory without a second’s delay.That was the second time Dong had been to a crematory, and it was unforgettably gruesome. The gatewas tilted from the earthquake, and the ground had cracked. A few dim lights quivered inside the hall,which was crammed full of bodies, giving off a terrible, suffocating smell.There were five bodies in the hearse and Dong opened up the bags, one by one, to find his mother.Having seen so much death, Dong wasn’t a bit scared. His mother’s body, already decaying, was in thefifth. Seeing her jade bracelet intact, Dong’s father asked him to take it off, as a keepsake. But, after amoment’s consideration, Dong answered: “No. Let mother leave with it.” Having found her body, Dongfound the person in charge of the crematorium and, imploring them to show sympathy, finally persuadedthem to cremate his mother as soon as possible.People always said that ‘burial brings peace to the deceased’, but Dong wasn’t sure that what he haddone could bring peace to his mother. Holding her ashes in his arms, he was beside himself with grief.Now, he had lost his mother, his wife, and his son.It was noon when they returned, and Dong, overcome with lethargy, fell asleep on the bed. Knowingthat his son hadn’t had slept properly for days, Dong’s father was worried he wouldn’t wake up, so aftertwo hours, he softly woke him. Dong opened his eyes and looked around aimlessly, unsure of where hewas. He felt so empty that he wished he could stay asleep forever.Dong’s eighth aunt opened a bottle of good wine, hoping to help relieve everyone’s sadness. But inYingxiu, Dong had worn a thick mask—and later, when this no longer worked, strips of cloths—soakedin liquor to disguise the stench of rotting bodies. Now, the smell of the wine made his stomach convulseuncontrollably: it was the smell of the earthquake. It was the smell of terror, disgust, depression andhopelessness. It took Dong weeks to be able to bear the smell again.Now that his mother had been found and her burial arranged, Dong wanted to return to Yingxiu. He wasstill worried about what would happen to his son’s body and wanted to know whether his wife had beenfound. But as he started out on the road to Yingxiu, he was stopped in his tracks. Yingxiu was now in astate of siege: people were being allowed out but not in. Dong’s father told him to calm down, to stayin Dujiangyan; this was all he could do for his wife and child now. He had done enough; the rest heshould leave to fate. Page | 120

It was then that Dong also heard that all the surviving teachers in Yingxiu Primary School had leftYingxiu except Tan, the principal, and Liu. How were they? Dong desperately wanted to know and jointhem in the battle. He later met a volunteers headed towards Yingxiu on bike. The volunteer had astamped letter, permitting him access to the town. Where could Dong get such a letter? He asked thevolunteer to pass a message to Tan along with his cell phone number, asking him about the situation inYingxiu. He called the volunteer later, but the man told him he hadn’t seen Tan and didn’t know whathad happened at the school.This lack of information made Dong anxious. He tried to call Su but couldn’t get through. Then hecalled another teacher, Li Yongqiang, who answered and told him that he was staying at SouthwesternUniversity of Finance and Economics (SWUFE). “Are all the teachers there?” Dong asked. “No,” saidLi, “but I hope they do come here.”As Dong was packing up, preparing to leave for the temporary settlement in SWUFE, Li called again.The Education Bureau of Aba Prefecture wanted him to write a 1,500-word report about what hadhappened at Yingxiu Primary School. The report would be used for the appraisal and election of ‘HeroicGroup’.Having handwritten the report, Dong went to Guangya Primary School in Dujiangyan to type it up andemail it to the Education Bureau as requested. He then felt empty and aimless again. What else couldhe do?Calming himself down, Dong wrote down all that he had seen, heard and thought since the earthquake,with as much honesty and objectivity as possible. Entitled ‘Great love needs no words’ the 5,000-wordarticle was full of Dong’s anger towards the disaster, his reluctance to see the children go, his longingfor his departed family members, and his impression of how the nation had responded to the disaster.The article was later used by a journalist at the Education Herald, as the basis for a news report. It alsoinformed the speech that Dong gave at the Great Hall of the People in Beijing.Every word was bled, and every line wept. But Dong knew that one article would never explain orsoothe his pain. That, he felt, was etched into his bones, imprinted in his heart.On 22 May, the tenth day after the earthquake, Dong set out for Chengdu. He recorded his thoughts inthe following words: ‘It is ten days from the dark day, May 12th. I left my aunt’s home and head towards Chengdu. From now on, I, having experienced such a catastrophe, begin an unusual part of my life. I got into the silver-colored car of my tenth aunt, who had come to pick me up. Looking out of the car window, my haggard and white-haired old father, teary-eyed younger sister, and eighth aunt kept waving goodbye to me. I put on a relaxed face and told them not to worry about me. But, I know we were feeling the same way in that moment: complex and bitter. On the way, tenth aunt kept talking to me. The youngest of my mom’s sisters, she was just two years older than me. She could always recall many childhood memories: happy ones, regrettable ones, and sad ones. I tried my best to be responsive, but my heart was still twisted and heavy with Page | 121

grief. So, more often, I stayed silent. The driver was a good friend of my aunt, who offered me 500 yuan so that I could buy some clothes, have a haircut and shave. I was gripped by an ineffable sorrow, but I simply answered: “Thanks.” It was then that I realized I had become a disaster refugee, out and out. I’ve lost my dear mother, loving wife, and clever, handsome son. I have nothing now. 500 yuan isn’t much, but it is vitally important to me under current circumstances. More importantly, this was the first donation I had received from a stranger. I felt a little uneasy, so added redundantly after thanking him: “I will return the money when I meet you next time.” This sure is redundant, because how would I ever be able to return the priceless kindness? SWUFE is a famous university that attracts many students and scholars. I never thought one day it would be my destination. But I understand that I’m just a refugee going there for temporary shelter and food. I used to consider myself as beyond worldly concerns, but now, I have lost all that useless pride…’Staying behind in painEvacuate Yingxiu!Evacuate all surviving teachers from Yingxiu!Su, full of pain and grief, received the order at noon on 15 May.Tan and Liu had chosen to stay, and Dong was taking care of his parents-in-law, who had come to lookfor their family. Su was the only one to take on the responsibility of evacuating everyone.Summoning the evacuation team, Su found the group much larger than he had expected. There wereabout a dozen teachers, including kindergarten teachers. Su suddenly felt a new emotion that was hardto express. So we still have so many teachers left! We haven’t all been wiped out! As long as a singleseed is left, it can still spread greenness all over the grassland in the spring!Before 4pm, when everyone was supposed to assemble, Su reported to Tan: “Ge, I’m leaving.” Tan hadworked in Yingxiu Primary School for 20 years. The staff liked to call him ‘Tan ge’—‘older brother’—or simply ‘ge’Tan shook his hands. His face twitched as if holding back a tide of pain. “Take them out of here to asafe place.” These were his final words to Su.Once Su had provided the evacuation team with safety instructions, they bid farewell to Yingxiu. Mostdid not look back, eager to get away from the disaster and begin a new life. But Su, his eyes full of tears,kept turning his head. He didn’t want to leave, and he missed Cheng. But he had to take up his newresponsibilities and the filial duties that Cheng had left behind. For so long, his parents-in-law had beenin the dark about what had happened to Cheng. In this way, Su felt he had failed his wife and her parents,and he vowed he would not fail them again.When the evacuation team reached the intersection near Yingxiu Secondary School, Su met a child wholooked familiar to him. The child seemed to know teacher Li Yongqiang, also in the evacuation team Page | 122

and his own nephew, Wu Xing. “Is Wu Xing here?” asked Su, to which the child looked at him andsaid: “He’s gone back to Xuankou.” He already knew that Wu Xing was alive—the day after theearthquake, the boy had come to look for him, but they didn’t find each other. As long as Su hadn’t seenhis nephew, he would feel worried. He also felt sorry for not being able to help the boy, despite theircloseness. Now, hearing that he had returned to Xuankou, Su’s mind was finally at rest.The evacuation team was walking fast and soon caught up with Dong and his parents-in-law, who hadleft earlier but, being old, ill, or injured, were progressing slowly.“You go first. I’ll walk slowly with my parents-in-law,” said Dong.“Then let’s meet at the aluminum plant,” said Su. He was worried about Dong and the old couple. Ontheir way out, they couldn’t have imagined how treacherous the journey would be. Fallen rocks scatteredthe road, and a landslide could occur at any moment, sending more rocks tumbling down. The roadbetween Yingxiu and Dujiangyan was built on the mountain slopes, so even the slightest landslidewould easily block the road, or hit people and cars. After the earthquake, the original road was notcompletely restored, so the people followed the soldiers and walked through the valley along the river.There were cracks everywhere on the deformed mountain paths, threatening to swallow up thosewalking along them.Su met a few acquaintances on the way. Some came to the school to take their child back, and somecame to look for their relatives. Each person asked Su “Where’s Cheng Xiaoqing?” When a teacherwho had been Su’s colleague back in Xuankou asked him: “Where’s your wife?” Su shook his head andsaid nothing. “I know. Take good care of yourself,” said the other man, comfortingly. “Staying alive,that’s the most important thing.” These words made Su feel a little warmer inside.The group walked carefully and finally arrived at the dock near the aluminum factory. Su inhaledsharply: the dock was a sea of people. All those evacuating Yingxiu were waiting here for the tug totake them away from their ravaged homeland.In group of evacuated teachers was a woman, Gong Dongmei, whose husband worked at the powerplant. She spoke to some of the people she knew from the power station and had several boats sent tothem, but there were still too many people and too few boats for them to leave. Su and the teachers alsoasked around, trying to find a boat to send all the teachers out. Already very tense from the dangeroustrip they just made, Su was anxious: he didn’t want to see any teacher left behind, nor would his senseof duty allow that to happen.After a while, it was clear that they could not leave together. There were tugs that could carry a fewhundred people at the dock, but they travelled extremely slowly and priority was given to the wounded,women, children and the elderly. Resources were critically scarce. They carried the few woundedteachers onto the boat. After repeating the directions and safety instructions to the rest of the group, Sudecided to walk out of here with the remaining teachers who looked healthy enough.The teacher from the kindergarten, Yu, who was heading for Shuimo Town, also said her goodbyes. “Ifyou arrive in Jizhong Village in Xuankou,” Su said to her, “Please tell whomever you meet that TeacherSu, who once taught here, is still alive. Tell him or her to pass this message to my older sister that I’m Page | 123

alive and safe. If it’s dark before you reach your destination, you just go to Jizhong Village and find myolder sister. She’ll let you stay in her house and help you.”Later, Su heard that Yu did pass this message on to the villagers of Jizhong. Remembering ‘Teacher Su’,the villagers took her to Su’s sister’s house. But his sister was not at home. It turned out that both sheand her husband were working away and escaped the earthquake.Finding an available boat was difficult. Su consulted with the teachers: “So what do we do? Do we keepwaiting here or what?”Dong was with his ill mother-in-law, so they were able to get on the boat; Zhang Longyu and Qin wereinjured, so they too could go. Tang Yongzhong was carrying the orphaned child of another teacher andso had to leave. A handful of teachers remained. Then they teamed up with a few people from otherinstitutions who also couldn’t get on the boat. The group of a dozen or so people continued to walktowards the outside.The sky grew dark not long after they had set off from the aluminum plant. On the roadside were manypeople—people resting, troops stationed there, and now-homeless disaster refugees. As they walked,they saw a prowl car dispatched by local residents heading for Xuankou Town. Suddenly hopeful, Suimplored the driver to take them along. But the car was already crammed with people, and the roadahead precarious. The driver didn’t want to risk all their lives.And so Su and the others kept walking. When they reached Baihua Town, it was already midnight.Apart from the two hours spent waiting for the boat, they had been walking almost solidly for six hoursnow. They were too exhausted to carry on. Parked in the town were many passenger coaches. Thedrivers had left the doors open as they got off the coach.Su climbed aboard one. Half the people in there were sleeping, and they were all disaster refugeespassing through. As soon as the whole team had boarded the coach, the locally organized defense team,also on patrol, came to ask them where they were from, where they were going and who they were. Sutold the patrol that they were teachers from Yingxiu Primary School. They were trying to evacuatetonight, and they wanted to rest on the coach because they were too tired to walk anymore.The group finally sat down. But it was hard to fall asleep. Getting off the coach, they smoked cigarettesat the roadside to relieve their tension and sadness. Suddenly, from the tunnel in the mountain top in thedistance, a huge, white ‘dragon’ was lit up. It was from the rescue troops heading for the differentvillages in Yingxiu. The rays from their flashlights had connected into a straight line. Su knew that afterthe road to Yingxiu was reopened, the troops first went to the primary school. As for the other places inYingxiu, they had their own priorities.The next day, Su and the others set out again at the break of dawn. Today, they were more fortunate:shortly after they started walking, they came across a minibus that could take them as far as ShoujiangBridge. When they reached the bridge, Su gave the driver all the money he had left—just ten yuan. Hecould feel what the driver was feeling, because he said to Su: “I have nothing but this car now, and Ican’t afford gas. You can pay me a little bit only if you want to.” The driver’s words made everyonesympathetic. They tried their best to pay him between them. Page | 124

After they crossed the bridge, they had to start walking again. Su’s feet were already blistered and toopainful to walk properly. When they approached the Youyi Tunnel at Shuitianping, the aftershocks werestill happening. The mountain slopes above the reservoir kept collapsing, blocking the passage of assaultboats.Scared as they were, the group had to charge ahead. As soon as the landslides seemed to slow, theysprinted. As each narrow passage opened, they would move ahead cautiously. Finally, they managed towalk safely past another precarious mountain pass. Su was relieved. He knew that they should stopwalking along the road because of the frequent aftershocks.Su was right: three tunnels on the road had totally collapsed. They made it through the first two—Baiyunding and Youyi— but the next tunnel, Ma’anshan, was impassable. Walking along the riverinstead, where they soon met volunteers who were helping to lead refugees along the channel.They also met another teacher, Huang Suquan, who had worked with Su in Xuankou Primary Schoolbefore. Huang told Su what happened in Xuankou Primary School, which luckily was not too bad.Seeing that Su looked starved, Huang gave him some food and gave him 50 yuan. Su refused at the first,but Huang was insistent.Su and Huang parted, and Su walked at the back of the group with the first donation he received, feelingbitterly sad.Finally, the group reached Zipingpu Dam. Here, paper cups of porridge and fresh cucumbers, providedby the government for all the evacuated disaster refugees, were being handed out.Su took a bite of the cucumber and burst into tears: it tasted so sweet. Finally, the flavor of life, fourdays after the earthquake.The group of teachers decided to part ways here. Though there was still no phone signal, they gave eachother their contact numbers all the same. “When you get out, seek help from your relatives and friends,”Su told them. “Those who can’t find anybody to turn to should call me whenever they can get through.”As he spoke, transport for transferring the refugees arrived: coaches, cars, buses… all kinds of vehicles,coming and going. Police officers were there to keep order and to make sure that everyone getting ontoa vehicle had been disinfected. People were sprayed with disinfectant all over their bodies, and they left,with all the misfortune buried under the white powder and then discarded, never to be rememberedagain.How to describe what Su felt then? He was a refugee now. He could ride a car for free, as long as hewas evacuating. If he was wounded, he could get free treatment from the hospital. On every face he sawsympathy, understanding, encouraging smiles. Smiles of volunteers, government officials, strangers…Seeing so many smiling faces after such a long time without smiling, Su felt dazed. So the human worldlooked like this! He felt he had forgotten already, or that he would never return to it again.It was only then that Su learned how many people from the affected towns had tried to get out after theearthquake, under extremely dangerous conditions. Many had died on the way: caught up in aftershocks,landslides, debris flows… Page | 125

Communication still hadn’t completely recovered: the Little Smart phone that Su had held tightly in hishand all the way from Yingxiu was useless.Later, he happened to come across a teacher, Luo Houqiong, who had just come from HuangjiayuanziVillage. She told Su that she was going to a temporary settlement in a primary school in Chengdu. Theyexchanged phone numbers. She asked Su about Yingxiu, and then told him what had happened in herschool: “All of my students got out. I carried the last two.”Su felt envious. What didn’t he have such luck? Why was he denied the chance to save all his students?Su borrowed Luo’s had cell phone to call Cheng’s family. Cheng’s father picked up. Hearing the voiceof his father-in-law, Su cried, unable to say a word.“Where are you?” asked his father-in-law.“I’m on a bus to Dujiangyan. I came from the dam,” Su answered.“How many people are with you?”“Just me.”“I see,” said his father-in-law. And then: “Wait there for me.”Su asked him about the family. Soon he heard that his father-in-law already knew what had happenedto him and Cheng. One of Cheng’s older brothers, who was director of Aba Education Bureau, hadwalked to Yingxiu on 15 May. Su was leading the evacuation team that day and so the two didn’t meet.When the brother reached the primary school campus he asked for Su Chenggang, and Tan told himwhat had happened. Not yet knowing that Su had got Cheng out of the ruins, the brother went to Cheng’sworkplace and made three bows. He left and told Cheng’s father everything.Cheng’s father didn’t cry as he spoke to Su on the phone. Instead, he kept comforting Su: “It’s OK. It’sOK. Wait for me under the Qingcheng Bridge. We’re all safe in Wenjiang District, at your aunt’s place.Your uncle and I will drive to pick you up.”Su got off the bus and took a tricycle to Qingcheng Bridge. He waited for nearly an hour, but there wasstill no sign of his father-in-law and uncle. He became anxious again. Nearby, some foreign journalistswere doing interviews. Learning that Su was a teacher in Yingxiu Primary School, they let him use theircell phone and bought him water. But when they asked him if they could interview him, “Don’t ask meanything” was his answer.Soon after, Su’s father-in-law and uncle arrived in a car. Su broke into tears as soon as he saw them. Hisfather-in-law patted him on the back and said over and over: “It’s OK. It’s alright. This is a catastrophe.It’s all past.” He told him: “Don’t shed tears when you’re back. Your grandparents are home. They’rein their eighties and cannot take this. Don’t cry when you get home. It’s alright. It’s alright.”Cheng’s grandmother knew that Cheng was lost. But no-one had yet dared to tell her grandfather, thoughperhaps he knew. When he saw Su coming home alone, the old man mumbled from time to time: “Don’t Page | 126

know where Xiaoqing is hiding. Don’t know where she is hiding?”After that, no-one mentioned Cheng Xiaoqing. Avoiding the topic was how the family coped with theirterrible loss. They were afraid to tear open Su’s wounds again; and Su was worried that the family couldnot deal with it either. During their brief stay, grief was in their hearts, but not in their words.New clothes were prepared for Su. Hot water was ready, and dinner on the table. The clothes that Sutook off were all discarded. The family didn’t allow Su to eat too much, to stop him from being ill afterso many days of starvation. His uncle took out a bottle of rare, good wine and told him: “Drink a little.Just a little.”After dinner, Su watched TV for a while, and then was told to go to sleep. Exhausted, Su lay down onthe comfortable bed and felt even more tired. He heard the family talking about him in the living room,clearly full of concern and care. As he listened to their voices, tension left him little by little, and heslept until 11pm.After Su woke up, he joined the family to watch TV. Cheng’s grandfather wasn’t saying anything. Suknew that the old man understood everything; he and the old man felt the very same pain.That night, Su shared a room with his father-in-law. The father wanted to make a bed on the floor, butSu insisted that he sleep on the bed. During that first safe and comfortable night after the earthquake,Su was sleepless. Memories ran through his mind like a movie: the happy times with Cheng, the sadnessafter she was gone, the love of family…The next day, after breakfast, Su told the family that he wanted to go back to Yingxiu and see the school.He didn’t say that he was missing Cheng, Tan and Liu. But they immediately rejected his proposal, andwere resolute: “What can you do there? No way. We won’t allow you to go back.”It was already 17 May. Su kept calling his own father but couldn’t get through. He could only getthrough to the emergency phone. But people had to wait for their turn to use this, and each person coulduse it only once, for three minutes.Unable to contact his father, Su was distraught. Only later did he learn that his father went to WenchuanCounty from Miansi Town every day to use the emergency phone to try and reach Su. His daughter andson-in-law were already safe in Miansi, but he still knew nothing of his youngest son.Finally, on the fifth day after the earthquake, Su’s father managed go send a text message. Su’s father-in-law saw the message and Su’s family number, and told Su immediately. When Su called back, hisfather finally knew that his son was safe. But he would never heard his daughter-in-law call him ‘dad’again.Su stayed at his father-in-law’s house until 19 May. Cheng’s second aunt and uncle gave some moneyto Su’s mother-in-law and said: “Buy him some clothes. These days you just go shopping with him. Buyhim whatever he wants.” They wanted to help divert Su’s attention, knowing that the young man, whohad just lost his dear wife, had so much sadness to distract himself from.Over these few days, Su held Cheng’s bag in his hand all the time. He couldn’t leave it anywhere. It Page | 127

was his ritual, his way of remembering Cheng. Page | 128

Chapter 7. Back to Yingxiu: love, strange and familiarConsolation from a broken heartThose earthshaking ‘three darkest minutes’ changed the lives of innumerable people forever. But lifehad to go on. Restoration began the moment the earthquake occurred: saving those that were trappedbeneath the debris, searching for lost family members, comforting each other, learning to leave painbehind, to heal, to build new lives. Romain Rolland wrote: ‘There is only one heroism in the world: tosee the world as it is and to love it.’Undoubtedly, the earthquake exposed to us the fragility of life and the unavoidable nature of suffering.But what happened to Yingxiu Primary School after the earthquake also told us that suffering isn’teverything and forced us to understand life on a deeper level. Because of the existence of illness, welong for health; because of death, we sing the praises of life; because of suffering, we learn aboutreverence.When life has been enriched by experiences of disaster, suffering has offered its best reward.In the beginning no-one is ready to accept suffering, with its bitter remembrances and torment. But then,as a person faces up to it, takes responsibility and moves past its shadows, the meaning of life isrediscovered, strength and passion renewed, and goals reset. The essence of life is better understood,concepts of the material and the spiritual, body and soul, mortal and immortal, are redefined and re-experienced, and values are transformed and sublimated. This is, perhaps, the rebirth brought bysuffering. The lives that Su and the others were about to begin were such rebirths.The moment that the earthquake happened was like a dream. When they awoke, the three men foundthat they had lost their homes. But they did not give up; they were determined to change their realitiesand live fully.***After Su left Yingxiu, he lived with Cheng’s aunt in Chengdu. He had nothing to do, but he couldn’t goback to Yingxiu either. Gradually, his sadness was overcome by emptiness. He felt an urgent need to dosomething, afraid that he might lose his ambitions and hope altogether if he did not.He kept dialing Tan’s number, who was still at Yingxiu, and that of the vice-principal, Zhang, who hadleft by then. But he couldn’t get through to either. He tried to contact the county education bureau, butto no avail. The only person he could reach was the teacher Tang Yongzhong.“What should I do? I want to go back to Yingxiu,” Su asked him.“I do, too!” Tang replied. But his wife was at a temporary settlement in Wenjiang District, and shedidn’t want her husband to go back to the disaster-affected areas. She wanted him to rest. Tang’s desireto go back showed just how much he cared about Yingxiu, but how could he go against his wife’s lovingconcern? Page | 129

Tang told Su that he was already in contact with a few teachers, and that if there was any news he wouldinform him immediately.On 17 May, Su spent two days at the settlement in Wenjiang District. Here he saw primary schoolteacher, Gong Dongmei, who told him that the vice-principal Zhang had gone to Nanchong City, wherehis son and father-in-law were staying. Zhang had gone back to see that they were alright before hecould return to Yingxiu with a peaceful mind.On his way back to Chengdu, Su suddenly thought of a way to ‘find his people’. When he returned toaunt’s house, he started to post information on the internet, listing the names of all the surviving teachersin Yingxiu Primary School he knew, in case their families and friends were still looking for them. Healso included his phone number.The moment he posted the information, his cell phone started ringing, and then hardly stopped. Toeveryone who called, he told them all that he knew, and they were reassured by his words. Su hadbecome a messenger, bringing hope and peace of mind to his colleagues’ friends and families who werewaiting anxiously for news.On 18 May, Su again called the director of the education bureau, Xie. This time, his call was finallyanswered. Xie asked Su in detail about the surviving teachers of Yingxiu Primary School. He told himthat the bureau had a temporary settlement in SWUFE where they could meet and prepare for theupcoming post-disaster reconstruction. As soon as Su hung up the phone, he shared the news with Tangand told as many teachers as he could to meet them in SWUFE.“I don’t know exactly what we will do there. But at least we’ll be with our own people then.” Takingthe luggage prepared for him by Cheng’s uncle, Su hurried to SWUFE, excited about the prospect ofnew work.***At the temporary settlement, four teachers shared a student dorm room. Food and shelter were for free,and clothes were also prepared for them. On the first day, they met and talked about their respectivesituations. After a day’s rest, Su called a meeting early the next morning. As part of the administrativefaculty, he was responsible for bring everyone together in the name of the school.The education bureau had asked Su to help manage the students in Yinxing Primary School. As Su wasassigned tasks to the other teachers during the meeting, Xuankou Primary School’s former principal,Lu Changqing, called. Lu hoped that Su could bring the teachers to his place and discuss how they couldhelp.Su declined: “You see, Principal Lu, all your students and teachers are already here, you just need toextend yourself a bit. I can’t join you to take care of your students, because I don’t even know where ourstudents are. Some teachers are still out of contact. I have to go look for them.”That day also saw the arrival of Dong, who had travelled from Dujiangyan. When Su received Dong’scall telling him that he had arrived, he felt encouraged. But Dong didn’t have a permission letter to enterthe settlement. The two colleagues, reunited after the disaster, could only look at each other through the Page | 130

school gate, not even able to shake hands. Later, once Dong had been disinfected, he was able to enterand join his colleagues.That day, the education bureau also arranged a press conference with the teachers from Yingxiu PrimarySchool. Many other journalists also came to interview them. Eager to look for students, Su and Dongdealt with the media people perfunctorily. They then joined the other teachers in the search, starting atWest China Hospital.The teachers asked around and searched everywhere in that huge hospital. Like headless chickensrunning through a maze, they hardly knew where to begin. Seeing the anxious-looking Su and Dong,several volunteers that were stationed at the hospital came to help. The volunteers had been logging thenames of all the wounded patients on the hospital computers, so they should be able to find the studentsby searching the database.It wasn’t as successful as hoped: they only found 20 some students in the hospital. These were thestudents whose injuries were all less severe: they could clearly tell the staff their names and where theyhad come from; many others, still undergoing treatment, were still in shock and unable to tell anyoneanything.After searching the West China Hospital, they tried the People’s Hospital, and then the MilitaryHospital… They exhausted all the hospitals they knew.Without money, there is little that even a hero can do. To search for students in such a vast sea of peoplerequired money. Transportation and food cost money too. By now they had spent the 600 yuan fromCheng’s bag. Finding her bank card, Su withdrew all the remaining money—a few thousand yuan.Holding the card in his hand, Su became tearful again. Dong patted his back, unable to speak.At this moment, vice-principal Zhang, who was in Nanchong, contacted them. He told them what hewas doing and asked about the students and the teachers. On learning that the teachers were looking forstudents, Zhang returned to Chengdu to join them in their search.The first post-disaster record of students came into being on 21 May. The teachers searched hospitalafter hospital, adding more and more names to the record. The surviving students of Yingxiu PrimarySchool gradually returned to their teachers’ arms, one by one.The difficulty of the search for the students could only be understood by the teachers involved. Thewhole process was exhausting, and they were constantly anxious. Often, they had to go to a hospitalseveral times, because they didn’t have complete or up-to-date information the first time round. And,of course, new patients were being admitted all the time. To find all the students, they had no choicebut to go the hospitals again and again.Some members of the press volunteered to look for students too, all doing their best to assist thesehelpless and lonely teachers. There were notices on the radio and on TV, and Su’s cell phone became a24-hour hotline, with all kinds of information pouring in.With the help of the media, staff from the Shanghai BioAsia Group—partners with Yingxiu PrimarySchool in the ‘Hand-in-Hand Project’—also found Su in Chengdu. Having known each other for a long Page | 131

time, their meeting was an emotional one. The staff asked Su what he needed and how they could helpYingxiu Primary School. Before they left, they gave Su two big boxes of medicine, radios and otheruseful items. It was all they could do at that moment, but Su was very grateful. He felt as though thesemany streams of strange and familiar kindness were trickling into a big river of love. Love thatencouraged him to keep going.It was around then that leaders from Aba Prefecture and the education bureau also came to visit theteachers at the settlement. They also asked Su to show them around the hospitals so that they could visitthe more-than-20 wounded students that Su had on his list. The experience moved Su in a new way.On 25 May, Principal Tan arrived at the settlement, with a few more teachers following suit. The groupat the settlement had grown suddenly, presenting Su with new challenges.More and more people were also beginning to focus on the disaster-affected areas—to Yingxiu, and toYingxiu Primary School. After a short stay in Chengdu, Tan hurried back to Yingxiu. New tasks hadfallen on Su’s shoulders.The education bureau had ordered all children orphaned by the earthquake, as well as unattendedchildren, be sent to Rizhao City in Shandong Province where they would be taken care of. The programwas being overseen by the All-China Women’s Federation and Rizhao Steel Holding Group, and Suwas responsible for selecting qualifying students.Having by this point been to many temporary settlements and hospitals, Su now had firsthandinformation about the students’ conditions. But the surviving students were scattered all over: indifferent temporary settlements, different hospitals, different primary schools in Chengdu. Though Suand the other teachers had gathered basic information about the students and their whereabouts, it wasstill difficult to get contact them—like trying to gather single grains of sand in an ocean. He and TangYongzhong made phone calls every day—sometimes more than a hundred calls in just a few hours.Their cell phones were on constant charge and Su’s ears burned hot.Initially, some of their efforts were wasted. Not clear about the requirements of the program, Su andTang Yongzhong first identified wounded students that would like to go to Rizhao City, to then be toldthat only orphaned and single-parent children were eligible. Eventually, unattended children wereincluded too.Su and Tang Yongzhong were overwhelmed with exhaustion. Their endless phone calls yielded littleprogress, which upset Su greatly. But the job still had to be done. They occupied a public phone inSWUFE reserved for students from disaster-affected areas so that they could sit in the stairwell andmake phone calls. At least their ears did not burn anymore.On 3 June, under the order from the government and the education bureau, Su led the team of studentsto Rizhao, Shandong. When he returned to Chengdu on 5 June, Su was seconded to the EducationBureau for two weeks, managing office affairs mostly related to post-disaster reconstruction.His workload was unimaginable: all the schools in the prefecture would report to him, and he was alsohelping to allocate funds. He left the settlement and moved into Huanglong Hotel, and sometimes people Page | 132

would go there after midnight to report data. It would be easy for him to mix things up and make errorsif he was not extremely careful. Such tasks had kept him busy and tired.And then Su received a call from his oldest brother.“Chenggang, dad is sick, and the condition doesn’t look positive. Big sister’s second-daughter hadaccompanied him across the mountains from Ma’erkang and come to Chengdu. Can you find time totake care of dad?”The doctor at Ma’erkang Hospital suspected that Su’s father had cancer, and had suggested he seekfurther consultation at a larger hospital. Their big sister’s daughter, a middle-school student, was livingwith their father in Miansi. Young as she was, she bravely accompanied her grandfather on the long anddifficult journey to Chengdu.At his brother’s request, Su found his father a cheap hotel in the west of Chengdu and spent the nightthere with him. The next morning, he took his father to the hospital, where he was diagnosed withprostate cancer.This news was a huge shock to Su. His father was only 64 years old; how could he have developed sucha horrible illness?Su, who had so much post-disaster work to do, chose to disappoint his father. He rang his oldest sister.Su had later learned that, before arriving in Dujiangyan, his sister had looked for him in Xuankou,waiting by the Shoujiang Bridge and asking each passer-by: “Do you knew where Su Chenggang fromYingxiu primary school is?”On the phone, Su now asked his sister if she would come to Chengdu to take care of their father. Shearrived soon after. Their father, a career-man for decades, understood and supported Su’s decision. Heknew that ordinary people could do very little in post-disaster reconstruction, and he was happy andproud that his son was part of it.When he had time in-between work, Su would go to the hospital to visit his father. It was all Su coulddo not to cry as he watched his father, old and weak, undergo all kinds of treatment and examinations—lumber puncture, chemotherapy… He was afraid that if he cried, the old man would cry too. The arrivalof his eldest brother finally set Su’s mind at rest.On 29 June, three days after his father’s surgery, Su applied to the education bureau for return to Yingxiu.He was needed to resume classes at the primary school. His application was rejected at first: the bureautold him “If you’re gone, how are we supposed to plan here?” But eventually, they reached acompromise, with Tang Yongzhong working temporarily at the bureau, in Su’s place.Having been away from Yingxiu for more than a month, Su finally returned. Back to the place that hehad been missing so much, the place where his beloved wife was buried.Not long after Su returning to Yingxiu, he and Dong renewed their oath to join the CPC. He was greatlyencouraged by the content of the oath: disaster had taught him how to be humble and grateful, how tostruggle and contribute, and how to think and remain calm. Page | 133

When Su took the oath, he had a few hundred thousand yuan in condolence money with him. The majortask for him back in Yingxiu was to console the broken-hearted with his own broken heart.Aftershocks were rare by then, but secondary hazards such as landslides were still threatening people’slives. In Huangjiayuan Village and Huangjia Village, the half-collapsed mountains hung above themprecariously. Su and Liu would run past it, one after the other, and joke dimly: “Let’s wait and see if it’ssliding down?” “Ay, whatever. I’ll make a call first in case I’ll be buried there and unable to call later.”Such joking was a means to comfort themselves: as they carried out their work in Yingxiu they werefaced with so much misunderstanding, lack of support, blame and accusations.One day, they visited the home of a boy in Su’s class who had died in the earthquake. They needed hisparents, who had lost two children that day, to receive compensation given by the government and tosign an acknowledgement slip. The boy’s mother refused to see them, and stayed in the tent. The fatherwas kind and reticent, but he insisted that the mother sign. The child’s mother was refusing solace fromanyone.Recognizing Su, the father said: “My son used to be in your class, and you’re his class teacher. I knowyou’re a good teacher, and my son had been very naughty.” Indeed, Su remembered that in just a year,he had talked to the father several times about the boy’s behavior. “You had been good to my son,” hecontinued, “and I’m very grateful for that. He is gone now, and it’s nobody’s fault.” Overhearing hiswords, the boy’s mother finally agreed to sign.As he left the impoverished family, Su felt leaden.The next family they visited had also lost two children. Su was paired with Dong Jinfei that day, andthe parent wouldn’t sign, no matter how hard they tried to convince him. “I’m not blaming you teachers,”he said. “I know that you’ve done a lot and I understand. But why doesn’t the government send peoplehere?” He felt wronged, and became agitated: “Why doesn’t the government come? Why are you doingwhat the government is supposed to do?” Su asked the social worker accompanying them to help. Thesocial worker soon calmed the parent down, and Su was greatly impressed.Su accepted everything with a calm mind because he could understand the broken-hearted people. Whe broken-hearted too? He sincerely wished that the families he met could accept the reality about thedisaster, that they would face up to it and overcome it.He also went to sign the document and to receive condolence money from the education bureau. Oneof the leaders at the bureau had wanted to comfort Su, but he held himself back when he saw Su’sexpressionless face. He knew that Su had been helping others do the very same thing every day andmust have come to terms with his losses.But Su hadn’t come to terms with what had happened. He still missed his wife fiercely, and blamedhimself. Xiaoqing, if you knew what happened, would you blame me for not coming to your rescue?The condolence money was given to Dong and Liu by none other than Tang’s older brother, who workedin the bureau. He handed the money to Dong, his younger sister’s husband, personally. What couldDong say? Nothing. He quietly took the money, signed and returned to his work. Page | 134

Apart from relief work, Su was also required to collect basic details of all the children who had died inthe earthquake. It was a tedious task, even more exhausting than the other tasks he’d undertaken. Inmany cases, he was unable to get in contact with the parents of the dead children. He would then haveto go to the local police station to search for their contact details, where, bit by bit, he could startgathering the information he needed.The teachers’ phones were, by this point, more like hotlines. SCTV had announced their numbers,saying that anything related to the students of Yingxiu Primary School should be referred to them. Sincethen, their phones barely stopped ringing. After classes were resumed and needing to focus on teachingagain, Su had to change his phone number.Speaking toursThe earthquake had deprived Dong of those closest to him. It had created a bottomless hole in his heart.The pain was dull, and numbing. But his was not the only broken family; the whole of Yingxiu hadbeen wounded. What could he do for his family members, for those who were not as strong as him? Forhis colleagues who needed solace too, and the parents who had lost their children? How could he showhis own pain as he wished?The huge task of reconstruction occupied almost all of Dong’s time. He learned to control his emotionsand hide his grief, to see at the bigger picture and pretend that his pain had passed. Still, work continued,but family returned to the starting point, a place even worse than before. In the dead of night, he wouldwake crying. His heart felt as though it was being eaten away by his longings for lost loved ones, andhe didn’t know how to make it stop.In early June, the Publicity Department of the Provincial Party Committee put Dong forward torepresent Yingxiu Primary School on a national speaking tour about the earthquake. The tour was tostart in Beijing, and then go on to Heilongjiang Province, Jilin Province, Liaoning Province, ShandongProvince, Jiangsu Province, Nanjing and Chengdu. Dong was to speak about the heroic deeds of theprimary school teachers in Yingxiu.At first, Dong was hesitant. He didn’t think he had been particularly ‘heroic’; he had simply followedhis instincts and done what he should as a teacher. He didn’t think he should represent his colleagues orthe school. He was expected to report for duty at the Publicity Department, but instead went to theEducation Department of Sichuan Province, to confide in his supervisor, Zhang Xu.Zhang Xu, director of the Personnel Division of Education Department, liked Dong. Having listened toDong’s concerns, Zhang Xu said to him: “You’re doing this for the school. If you do it well, it’s not yourown achievement, but an honor of the school. So you should just relax and take it lightly. Treat it as aroutine class that you teach.”Zhang’s words were inspiring. Indeed, he should feel happy and proud! He was going to represent hisschool, tell its stories and speak of the love between its teachers and students. He, Dong Dong, was aspeaker, a teller of facts, and an ordinary member of the team. His mind at rest, he began preparing forthe speeches with enthusiasm. Page | 135

When he left for the tour, Dong took his younger sister’s old backpack, in which was a single changeof clothes and a notebook. The earthquake had ruined everything, and her old bag was the best thingthat his sister could find. Dong wondered if perhaps he should buy himself some new clothes.When a journalist from China Education Daily, Li Lun’e, came to do an interview with Dong and heardabout his upcoming journey, she insisted on taking him shopping. When he’d chosen a new outfit, sherushed to pay for it. Dong remembers her words clearly: “Please give the chance to me and let me buyit for you.” The outfit cost no more than 200 yuan, but it was a kind offer from a well-wisher and madeDong felt warm. It seemed that the good things in life were enough to fend off all the misfortune.In fact, Dong had other feelings for Li Lun’e too. After the earthquake, there were so many news reportsand stories, but it was Li Lun’e who write the first formal report about Yingxiu Primary School. Itappeared on the front page of China Education Daily on 3 June 2008, titled ‘Teachers’ eternal love:stories of Yingxiu Primary School teachers during the Wenchuan Earthquake’. It told the touchingstories of what had happened and made the names of the heroic teachers, including Dong Xuefeng, LiuZhongneng, Su Chenggang and Tang Yongzhong, heard. Li’s faithful depiction of the teachers madeDong very grateful. He knew that the school in post-disaster reconstruction was in dire need of suchemotional support, the support of love.On the tour were 37 speakers, of whom five were from the education system: Principal Liu Yachunfrom Beichuan Middle School, Zhou Rulan (a hero teacher) from Hongyan Primary School in PengzhouCity, Wang Min (another hero teacher who had a large scar on her forehead) from Ningqiang County,Shaanxi Province, and Dong. In the two weeks that he was in Beijing with these teachers, Dong heardmany moving stories. On the one hand, each of these stories illustrated what he understood to be ‘greatlove’, and made him feel as though he was witnessing something meaningful and much bigger thanhimself. But on the other hand, Dong had seen too many heroes and heard too many stories. What hehad done was instinctive. Did instinct deserve such respect?Dong became anxious once again. The pressure he felt was growing day-by-day. He’d set such highexpectations for himself, and he was afraid he might fail everyone.One day, in Zhongnanhai Palace, Liu Yandong, a member of the Political Bureau of the CPC CentralCommittee and State Councilor, received all the representatives from the earthquake-affected areas.Zhou Ji, minister of education, and Wu Degang and Guan Peijun, both sub-ministry section chiefs, werepresent as well. Vice minister of education, Chen Xiaoya, also came to visit Dong and the others wherethey were staying. She gently inquired about the damage, the conditions of both teachers and students,and how classes in each school were resuming. She also encouraged them to transform grief intostrength and devote themselves to post-disaster reconstruction and recovery of school education.Dong was staying in a room arranged by the Publicity Department of the CPC Central Committee,where he practiced his speech and restored his strength. Accompanying him were four ‘comrades’ – amultimedia expert, a public speaking expert and two writing experts—and together they were to providea faithful and vivid presentation of what had happened at Yingxiu Primary School.The speech was based Dong’s article ‘Great love needs no words’. As soon as it was finalized, LuJinchao, a professor from Communication University of China, visited him in his room to help him Page | 136

hone his public speaking skills. This devoted professor had been training Dong day and night for aseveral days, taking little time even to eat. They didn’t have long and she wanted to help Dong expressfully the emotions in the words he’d written.To realize the full strength of language, Professor Lu demonstrated and explained for Dong again andagain. Dong would then read to her word by word. What touched him most was that Professor Luwouldn’t let him read the speech too much; mostly she read while he listened. She knew that, each timeDong reread the story, it would reopen old wounds. The helplessness, panic and heartbreak he’dexperienced during the disaster would torture him.Once Dong had become familiar with the speech and delivered it enough times, he was able to let hisemotions flow naturally. But during the first few speeches he delivered, he just couldn’t let himselfbreak into tears. No matter how hard he tried, Dong couldn’t fully express his emotions. It was as thoughsomething was holding him back. It was only when he spoke in Shandong Province and JiangsuProvince, that his emotions finally broke through. He was almost overwhelmed, tears teeming in hiseyes. Dong held his head high, and the tears flew back into his heart, becoming his nourishment.The first official speech that Dong gave was to the National Congress of the Youth League in the GreatHall of the People. Only 14 of the 37 speakers were invited to speak here. It was a brand new experiencefor Dong, who was an ordinary primary school teacher. He felt noticed, respected and encouraged bythose around him. While in Beijing, he also spoke in the CPPCC National Committee Hall, the CentralPublicity Department Office and Beijing Normal University.On the morning of 15 June, Dong left Beijing and headed for Harbin. The group of 37 were dividedinto six smaller groups that would give speeches all over the country. The group Dong was in wouldtravel to Heilongjiang Province, Jilin Province, Liaoning Province, Shandong Province, JiangsuProvince and then, finally, Nanjing City.Everywhere Dong went, journalists would surround him, hoping to get an interview. It was in suchinterviews that the trepidation and anxiety Dong had tried hard to suppress upon starting the tourresurfaced. He was careful, afraid that he might be misunderstood. He was not promoting himself, butinstead was a representative of all the teachers in Yingxiu Primary School. He was speaking on behalfof his colleagues. Concerned that the journalists might focus on him only, Dong told them: “In the teamof speakers, we are only representatives of our people. If you want to report on anything, report on thewhole group.”But despite his intentions, Dong was indeed misunderstood by many when he returned to Yingxiu. Hesaid again and again that he was no hero, but was doing things on behalf of the real heroes. Still manywere reproachful, and made Dong feel gloomy. During the earthquake, a good friend of Dong’s and adistant relative of his, was killed. His friend’s mother was one who thought that Dong was takingadvantage of those that died in the earthquake for his own gains. She became hostile towards him, andsoon they found themselves strangers.Dong had no way to stop others from thinking the worst of him. But he could always say unashamedlythat what he did was never for himself. What he did, was all that he could for the school. When aperson’s hopes are dashed to pieces, what kind of ulterior motives could they have? Page | 137

“Honor was not important at all then,” Dong says now. “Because I understood that when the disastercame, you would just be gone, no matter how much money you have. No matter how accomplished youare, when you close your eyes, you lose everything. So what’s the value in pursuing those things? Intimes gone by, I might have been happy to receive such honor. Now, I only feel humbled. For example,only my father and aunt know that I have been chosen as a torch bearer for the Beijing Olympics. Noneof my friends or colleagues knows this. I have kept quiet because I’m afraid of others misunderstanding.”On 26 June, after the final stop on the tour, Dong travelled back to Chengdu for two days’ rest and thenon to Dujiangyan City. On 30 June, he returned to Yingxiu.When he got back, he bought some incense, a candle and some joss paper, and visited the cemetery ofwhere the earthquake victims had been buried. Not knowing where his wife and son were, all he coulddo was to find a place that felt special to commemorate them. A journalist that had accompanied himon his journey back to Yingxiu wanted to visit the cemetery with him, but Dong declined. His sorrowfuleyes explained everything: this grief was his most intimate emotion and he didn’t want to share it withoutsiders. His memories were not yet safely stored in his mind, but were still raw and exposed. Heneeded to be left alone.The summer breeze was warm, but the hilltop of the cemetery felt chilly. Facing the vast span of thecollective tomb, Dong’s heart pounded. Alone, Dong drowned in tears again. All that pretended strength,all that heartbreak, together transformed into a wail. The leaves whimpered with the wind, a bird stoodnear to where he knelt, the wild flowers swayed and giving off a faint fragrance… Why were theykeeping him company like family? Did they understand?Afterwards, Dong joined Liu and Su to hand out condolence money to the parents who had lost theirchildren. In the process, he was met with accusations again, which tore at him. But he couldn’t run away.He had to face it, as the students’ teacher.It was on that same day, that Dong experienced another important and memorable moment in his life.At 3pm, the 1 July Celebration and Earthquake Relief Commendation Meeting in Yingxiu began.Yingxiu Primary School party branch was honored as ‘Excellent Party Branch’. Dong and Su were inthe team that was making the oath to join the party. The day after he became a party member, he receiveda notice requesting him to give a speech in Tibet on 2 July.The time in Tibet was short. Dong only gave a speech on 3 July, and he went back to Yingxiu the nextday. Meanwhile, he also received a call from multinational company Samsung. Touched by the heroicdeeds in his speech, and they invited him to be a torch bearer for the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.A torch bearer? What a noble and honorable title! An experience that was so many dream of! But themoment he received this call, his gut told him to reject the offer. What he had done was not extraordinaryenough for him to accept such honor.Dong decided to forget about this and returned to work and day-to-day life. That was where his realduties lay.Yingxiu, your child is finally back! Page | 138

He had left his homeland for only a month and a half, and despite all the lost beauty, the ruins and thecriticisms, he had missed Yingxiu. No matter what happened, he was the son of Yingxiu.He began giving out condolence money with his colleagues. But it was not long before he was asked togive speeches again. Taiping Life Insurance Company in Chengdu had decided to donate a multimediaclassroom to Yingxiu Primary School. On 12 July, Tan asked Dong to give a speech to the company’sstaff to express the school’s gratitude.It was at the end of this particular speech that Dong met the parents of his former colleague, ZhangMiya.***The story of Zhang Miya had become a symbol of the Yingxiu Primary School teachers’ love. Dongmentioned him in his speech and the story of how he sacrificed his life for those of his students touchedthe hearts of many.People called Zhang Miya the ‘broken-winged angel’. Some rumors claimed this was because he hadloved the song ‘Give my wings to you’, but more importantly it was because of how, during theearthquake, he had sheltered the students beneath his arms.When the disaster struck, Zhang was giving a lecture in a classroom on the second floor, close to thestair hall. Standing on the rostrum, he was just a few steps from the stairs. He could have escaped, butinstead he stood still and shouted: “Don’t panic. Hide yourself under your desk!”Many students followed this command. Some students at the front were not bending low enough, soZhang rushed towards them and pushed their heads down. A few students were panicking, so Zhangheld them under his arms and pressed them tightly under the desk. A second later, the classroomcollapsed.Zhang held his students tightly. And, the day after the earthquake, when a team of people led by Tangdug a hole into the debris and a parent climbed inside, this is what they saw. Climbing back out, theparent cried: “A teacher was protecting three children like a hen covering its chickens.”He was kneeling forward, his body bent over. Like an eagle spreading its wings, he had used his armsto hold three children tightly to his chest. Among the children, Wu Jinyi and Guo Wen were still alive.Zhang Miya had not survived. And, in sheltering the children in this way, his arms had become stiff.The teachers and local people at rescue tried to prize Zhang’s hands open and get the children out, butthey couldn’t manage to loosen his hands even a little bit.Someone suggested in tears that they saw off Zhang’s arms, but the parent of one surviving childstrongly disapproved. He said that the teacher had protected these children with his whole life, so hisbody must be left intact. “If it were not for him, my son would have died long ago!” Later, the teachersand parents found ways to preserve Zhang’s arms and save the children.But Zhang’s wings weren’t really broken. Page | 139

In life, Zhang was a happy and upbeat man. He was 5 feet 7 tall and very energetic. In his colleagues’eyes, he was lively and easygoing. In his spare time, he liked to play soccer, basketball, surf the internet,and sing. He also had beautiful handwriting. A companionable, devoted male teacher for the lowergrades, he was loved by all the children—not an easy accomplishment.In the past, the teachers in Yingxiu Primary School were actively engaged in sports and arts in theirspare time. The female teachers had formed a dance group of more than 20 people by themselves. Theywould devise their own routines, performing folk dance, modern dance, ballroom dance. The maleteachers formed a basketball team of 11 people. They paid for their own expenses, while the schoolprovided the facilities. The basketball team had been running for five years, and each week they wouldhold two matches. Often, they would hold matches against other teams as well. During the earthquake,6 of the 11 basketball team members died. Yingxiu Primary School had been the center of the culturallife in the whole town, and they had influenced the town people to take part in sports and arts. The TownBasketball Match and Art Performance Gala that took place in May had been organized by them.Being a fun-loving person, Zhang was an active participant in such activities. He was particularly goodat singing. During a speaking competition at the school, he delivered a speech entitled ‘I love the five-starred red flag’. Near the end, he suddenly broke into song: “The five-starred red flag, you’re mypride…”Only a couple weeks before the earthquake, Zhang had also been a finalist in the town’s singingcompetition. The day before, he injured his eye in basketball, giving himself a ‘panda’s eye’. Su joked:“Did you have a fight?” Zhang answered quickly: “Bullshit!” But then he started to worry about thecompetition next day. Su found a pair of sunglasses for him. Zhang put them on and Su looked at himcarefully: “You actually look kind of cool. OK, wear it to the competition tomorrow!”***Another teacher, Lian Rong, had similarly given her life for her students.When the earthquake came, the 28-year-old was teaching art in Class Two, Grade Six. At the momentof the crisis, she shouted to the dumbfounded students: “It’s earthquake! Don’t panic. Everybody getdownstairs now!” She began guiding the students to safety.When she returned to the classroom to save more students, the building collapsed, burying her in therubble. When they found her, she was holding a student in each of her arms, and one students was stillalive. Thanks to her quick reactions, 13 students in her class survived. But her eighteen-month daughterwas left behind forever.Lian Rong was a Yingxiu local. During the earthquake, her mother had also been buried in the ruinsand was seriously injured. When the traffic police tried to save her, she said: “I can’t make it. Don’twaste time on me. Save those who have better chance to live, quickly!” But the rescuers wouldn’t leaveher alone. To stop them from wasting their time on her, she swallowed her ring, ripped open her wrist,and died. The rescuers finally left her, full of tears. Lian Rong’s father also died in the disaster.Lian Rong graduated from Weizhou Normal School in 1999 and came to Yingxiu Primary School as an Page | 140

art teacher. She was the leader of the schools’ comprehensive teaching and research group. In 2007, shegraduated from college. There were many paintings and drawings hanging in the corridors of the school,done by the students under her guidance. For many nights, she volunteered to teach the boardingstudents to draw, sometimes not leaving until 10pm, when the students were all asleep. With her tutorage,more than 20 students won awards in art competitions of different levels, and she was honored for herwork at the provincial level.***Teachers like Dong, Liu and Su had also lost their loved ones, but they never gave up. Weren’t theybroken-winged angels too? Wasn’t their persistence a continuation of that great love that the teachershad for their school?Yingxiu can’t do without a primary schoolLiu, having lost those who were dearest and closest to him in the earthquake, returned to work and lifewith a bleeding heart. He longed for the warmth of family love but he was afraid of the concerned looksfrom his family members. His heart was stranded between closure and exposure, without a place to stay.In the course of his work, Liu had to deal with all kinds of people and systems, and in such encountersand exchanges, his inner world was opened and reopened, and his worldview renewed again and again.But his pain was also cut into pieces by the interference of duties at work. Fortunately, he had colleagueswho were also going through the same thing. They had the same pains and the same responsibilities.They encouraged, consoled, reminded and supported each other, and in the process, developed abrotherhood for life. More importantly, the joy and innocence of the students also knocked at the closeddoor of Liu’s heart. Their vivacity and love helped him revive, like new grass from deserted plains.Liu’s life was beginning a new chapter, with outer support and inner transformation. After destructioncame resurrection.On 25 May, Liu took a truck with Tan in the pouring rain and arrived in Pixian County.In Tan’s older sister’s home, they had a short rest and ate their first warm, delicious meal since beforethe earthquake. But still various worries played on their minds: had all the teachers arrived at thetemporary settlement in SWUFE? How many of the surviving students were there too? Was there a listof the wounded in different hospitals? Did they have to search for them in each of the hospitals?This anxiety resurfaced Liu’s own pain. His uncle, Kong Li’s aunts, and his own younger sister werealso in Chengdu; now that he was here, should he visit his own relatives? Could he face theirconsolations, now that both Kong Li and Liu Xusiyu were gone? They would feel the same pain as him,but what was he supposed to say? And what else could they say?Liu didn’t contact his family straightaway. He simply did not know how to face them. The fact was, hehad nothing: no wife, no son, no home, not even a decent outfit. He felt that his life was so miserable,and he was afraid that he might cry in front of his family. Page | 141

One day, he finally called his sister. After the greetings, he asked his sister to buy an outfit for him. ASsoon as his sister received the call, tears fell from her eyes. But she dared not sound sad on the phone.Instead she simply comforted him: “Brother, come to my place. Take a shower here, and we’ll havemeal together.”Once she hung up the phone, she called her aunt in Chengdu. She guessed that her brother was tryingto hide his pain, but she had to help him get out of it.After taking a shower and changing into new clothes at his sister’s home, Liu finally felt rid of the smellof death, and looked like a real, live human being again.According to rural customs, Liu had to throw away all the old clothes after he had climbed out of thedebris of death. This was a symbolic gesture: he was throwing away all the back luck, misfortune andpain. The deceased were gone, and the living could not live in grief forever. Liu had known this sincehe was little. But he needed some time before he could walk out of this shadow of loss.As soon as he was properly dressed, Kong Li’s two aunts called him and invited him to have dinnerwith them. They said that they were on their way to pick him up and would arrive soon. One auntinsisted that he stay her home that night. For the whole evening, the two aunts avoided talking aboutKong Li or Siyu. They only wanted to take care of him and make him feel warm. The pain that hauntedLiu’s face concerned them.For those first few days when Liu worked at the SWUFE settlement, he had to go back to his aunt’shome to stay. It was a request from the family, and Liu didn’t want to go against it. After all, the auntswere just like him—tormented by the loss of dear family members.Every day, Liu returned from work exhausted, but he never fell asleep easily at night. As soon as he laydown, memories of his family, colleagues and students sprung up. The loving care from Kong Li’s auntsand other family members did not lessen his pain, but exacerbated things by continually reminding himof his wife and son. Liu felt that he was at the edge of a breakdown, and, after imploring the aunts againand again, they finally agreed to him moving to the SWUFE settlement.***On 1 June—Children’s Day—Liu was back to Yingxiu, where his wife and son rested. The aftermathof the earthquake was still a ghastly sight.Children’s Day was Siyu’s favorite festival. His mom and dad would keep him company, no matter howbusy they were. And of course, he would receive a present too. That year, before the earthquake, Siyuhad asked Liu for a particular toy for Children’s Day. Liu approved without hesitation: “Sure. Noproblem!” But now, the toy shop was in ashes, and the boy who wanted the toy was gone. Liu wouldnever see, touch or kiss him again.At daybreak, Liu brought the things he prepared to the hilltop where his wife and son were buried. Themorning breeze whimpered past the broken walls and ruined houses of the town. Mist permeated thedeserted streets and alleys. Liu’s yearnings and memories came like a flood, drowning him in sorrow.The swirling smoke from the burning incense, the desperate, crying faces in the pouring rain, and the Page | 142

smiling faces of his wife and son haunted his mind and would not leave.For two hours, he sat in front of the grave. He told his wife and son what he had experienced in the lastfew days, what he had felt, and what he had hoped… He told them of his longings, his deep pain andhis hope for the coming of spring.When he wiped away his tears and left the grave, his eyes were clear and steady. Remembrance madepeople strong and encouraged the living to continue. Liu believed that the goal of his remaining lifewas to rebuild the fallen school. He would live to help the seeds, planted in the cracks of the ruins, tosprout again. Nothing would destroy the promise of this land, and nothing would deprive its people oftheir hope for a better future.Back to Yingxiu, he needed to think about resuming classes. Liu and the other teachers had a lot to do.But they also had another important task: consoling the parents of the students who had died. It wasn’tan easy job.Every day, they carried a bag of money and a list of names to the village, trying to give the condolencemoney to the families, one by one. But often, when they placed the money in front of the parents andtried to apologize and comfort, the parents would curse them loudly. They would blame the teachers fornot taking care of the children, or saving them from harm. They accused the teachers of attempting tobuy them off. Some parents would become agitated and say cruel things, to which Liu would replyangrily: “You lost your child, but I also lost mine! Who’s gonna take care of me? Nobody cares, andnobody asks. I’m under such great pressure, and I still have to comfort you. It’s a natural disaster, an8M earthquake! Who can you blame? The country, the government, and the whole society are concernedwith you and trying to help. You should be grateful for all this!”Some parents were impenetrable. The teachers visited again and again, but they wouldn’t relent. Liuunderstood their pain: he too had lost a child. But would holding on to pain and snarling bring themback? Would it give them peace of mind, or help them get their lives back on track?“Have you said enough? However you curse us, you have to deal with this matter. The child is gone,and it’s impossible for you to change the reality. Moreover, it’s not a man-made accident; it’s a naturaldisaster! Can you reason with God?” Liu was exhausted.The teachers were working round the clock. At dawn, they hurried to the villages—three people fromthe primary school, the Education Bureau, and the government making up the group. If all went well,they could visit all the families in a single village. But when they met with resistance, it could take daysto get one family to sign.The condolence money came from three sources: the Ministry of Education, local government andChina Children and Teenagers’ Fund. The money came in sequence, so even if things went smoothly,they still had to visit a student’s family three times. Parents receiving money also had to write astatement including the child’s name and how they died. At the end of the statement, they had to write‘We will abide by the country’s……’Many were reluctant to write such a statement, particularly the part related to their child’s death. They Page | 143

didn’t want to have their wounds reopened and exposed again. They blamed everything and everyone.They blamed God, they blamed the school and they blamed themselves. But they also knew that blamewouldn’t solve anything, and that the survivors should move on. They were still trying to find a way toadapt to such tremendous loss. Especially hard was seeing families whose children had escaped thedisaster. The sound of children playing and laughing, once ordinary, was almost torture to them now.The demanding and difficult nature of the task meant that Liu and the other teachers found it hard to eator sleep. In those days, none had a fixed place to live, so they slept wherever they could. On 18 June,Liu managed to get two tents from the Yingxiu Secondary School janitor. The teachers pitched the tentsand made them their temporary home. They worked day and night, meticulously compiling the students’data and preparing for classes to resume.Later, the government built a series of prefabricated houses and assigned one of the rooms to the school.In that one room, people from Yingxiu Primary School, Yingxiu Kindergarten, and Education Bureauof Wenchuan County, all worked and slept together. There was just one wide bed for seven to eightpeople, male and female. At night, everyone was on the brink of collapse from exhaustion, so they laydown wordlessly and fell into deep slumber, where they could be reunited with their families in theirdreams.Most of the time, they had breakfast and dinner at the relief station. The station was staffed withvolunteers and government workers. As well as cooking for the refugees that traveled through Yingxiu,they also cooked for other workers and school teachers. The teachers were reluctant to eat the foodreserved for the refugees, and didn’t want to see the volunteers—who had kept them company—worryabout what they ate every day. But whenever Liu saw the smoke curling up from the relief station’skitchen chimney, he felt an indescribable feeling. To him, the smoke symbolized life resuming.Soon, the school built its own prefabricated houses. It was then that it became clear to Liu that theschool would not relocate. The teachers had wanted to move: Yingxiu was a constant reminder of thedisaster and the school had nothing—not even a roof—and they were short of teachers. But theyconceded: they must stay in Yingxiu. As Tan had once said: “Yingxiu can’t do without a primary school.”And for this, they gave their all to revive Yingxiu Primary School.The school was made of prefabricated houses, and though there was still no electricity, Liu couldn’twait to move in. They invited the former cafeteria worker, Auntie Yang, back to the school, who cookedhot dinners for them at the end of a long day’s work. Having a regular diet put Liu’s mind at peace. Itwas like “living in Heaven”.As there was no electricity, the teachers pitched a tent at one corner of the campus where they woulddrink Chinese liquor after dinner. Sometimes they might also take their dinner to the tent and drinkduring the meal. Drinking had become their best solace, and their best pastime. Haunted by pain, it washard to fall into undisturbed sleep, and this sleeplessness left them with time to kill. The only thing theycould do was to drink with a few good friends and spill their hearts. Those nights were forever imprintedin Liu’s memory.Liu would usually only manage three or four hours of sleep, and broken sleep at that. As soon as he laydown, images appeared before his eyes: the earthquake, the rescue, the clearing… the countless bodies Page | 144

of students across the exercise ground… It was ghastly.Su and Tang Yongzhong were having similar experience, and Dong, who struggled with them in Yingxiubetween speech tours, was not much better either. Sleepless and disturbed, the four of them would cometogether to drink, and drink again, numbing themselves with alcohol. Sometimes they would finish eightbottles of Erguotou in a single night. Chatting and drinking kept them from thinking too much and filledtheir emptiness.Mostly, they talked about work. One of them might bring up the reproaches he had encountered duringthe day, and the others would say something encouraging in return: “Hold on. Don’t give up”. This wasencouragement for everyone. They all carefully avoided the topic of earthquake, though often tearswould run down their faces uncontrollably as they spoke. Tears brought catharsis, and painfulremembrances.***On 8 August 2008, the day when the Beijing Olympics opened, Su and Tang Yongzhong were not atYingxiu and only Liu and Dong were left on the big, empty campus. Though by this point they hadelectricity in the dorm, they weren’t in the mood to watch the opening ceremony of the games. Insteadthey brought out the liquor again. The bottles clinked, and they gulped down the alcohol, eyes shut.Drinking was supposed to intoxicate their senses but why did the suppressed emotions feel even moredisturbing?Out of the four teachers, Tang Yongzhong, Dong and Su had gone through the same. All of them losttheir closest and beloved family members. After the earthquake they shared in each other’s joy and pain,encouraged one another, bared their souls to each other. They were as close as brothers.Before the earthquake, the topics they used to talk about were quite different. When they got together,they would gossip, talk about troubles at work or lament social ills. Now, their conversations were fullof mutual encouragement and support: “The work you didn’t finish today, we did it for you.” “It mightbe better if we do it like this.”Such a strong friendship forged in adversity had won them a reputation as ‘The Four Musketeers’.Yingxiu could not do without a primary school, and they could not rebuild the school without friendshipto sustain them.Their days of drinking came to an abrupt end just before the new semester. They loved the children andwanted to present the best of themselves to the surviving students. The four brothers spent their timebusily preparing for classes to resume. Afraid that the school might have nothing to offer when the newsemester began, Liu became a scavenger, bringing useful things he found back to the school.When the support units, such as Guang Jian Group Co. Ltd. and China Railway Construction BridgeEngineering Bureau Group Co. Ltd., moved on to other disaster affected areas, they left the school withlots of relief materials. In particular, Guang Jian Group ordered its staff to “leave everything to theschool except for the clothes you’re wearing.” In a single day, the school gained more than 300 items:barreled water, bedding, beds, tents, cooking utensils and more, as well as two heavy generators. Page | 145

All the items were piled up and for the first few days, Liu and the other teachers moved them into theschool buildings by themselves. The only remaining items—including the generators—were too heavyfor them to carry, so Su went to seek help from the Red Army Division nearby.The army had heavy reconstruction duties, so could only spare eight soldiers for one morning to help.That whole morning was spent trying to move one generator. It was simply too heavy. When the soldiersreturned to their division, they asked for leave to help the teachers move the other generator. Moresoldiers from the Iron Army and Red Army Division also helped the teachers move more than 200 armycots that had been donated by Guang Jian Group.Before 18 August, there were only three teachers in the school: Liu, Su and Tang Yongzhong, preparingfor the coming semester. As they tried to rebuild, the three teachers also had to deal with local residentscoming to take the school’s relief materials. No longer caring about being gentle or polite, the threeteachers, in the pouring rain, rushed to move things into the school’s prefabricated buildings. For heavieritems, the teachers found a trolley to use. But by the time they had set the materials down in the school’sstoreroom, the trolley, which they’d left at the door, was gone too.While they were moving things to the safety of the storeroom, three office desks that were in the corridorwere taken too. Refusing to let these go this time, Su and Tang Yongzhong went looking for them. Asthey’d expected, they soon saw three people carrying the desks towards the residential area. Theteachers cut across their path and waited for them in the middle of road. When the first personapproached with the desk, Su said: “This desk belongs to the primary school. The classes will soonbegin, and the students need this. Why do you want it?” Hearing Su’s half-accusing, half-inquiringwords, the person was full of shame, and left the desk and ran. The other two people followed suit.Sometimes, the teachers understood the local people: the earthquake had destroyed everything foreveryone. The residents needed those desks, yes, but they had forgotten that they could be put for muchgreater use by the school.The teachers also had a confrontation with the local people over water supplies. The school was stillwithout running water, but they did have 700 barrels of water, 5 liters in each, so that they and thestudents could drink and cook without having to collect rainwater in pots and pans. The locals wantedthis water too. Seeing that they were no rival to the large number residents, Su protested: “The water isreserved for the students. You can’t take it.” Finally, someone answered: “We won’t touch the water. Butwe may come to get other things we really need.”The locals kept their word: none of the 700 barrels were touched. It took the three teachers a whole dayto move all the water into the school.The things the teachers had ‘rescued’ from the locals were immensely useful when the classes resumed,especially the cooking utensils and water. They also had rice, flour, bedding and cots which providedthem with food and shelter. But if the school was to function normally, this would be far from sufficient.At that time, Liu’s elder brother was reappointed as the Vice Party Secretary of Yingxiu Town. He wasconcerned about the school’s reopening, so made contact with Shekou International School in ShenzhenCity through the Provincial Party Committee to ask for support. Soon, two teachers from Shenzhen Page | 146

came to Yingxiu Primary School. Su showed the two teachers, around the campus. “What difficultiesdo you have now?” one of the teachers, Jin, asked.“We need more kitchen equipment,” answered Su. “No problem” Jin replied: “We’ll buy those for yourschool” and readily offered a 50,000 yuan donation to Yingxiu Primary School. Su was overjoyed. Thatday, he and Jin, along with Tang Yongzhong and leaders of the provincial party committee traveled tothe Sichuan Dingli Kitchen Equipment Company in Chengdu.The manager of Dingli, Zhang, listened to the story of what had happened at Yingxiu Primary Schooland the process of reconstruction. He was deeply moved, especially on hearing Su’s personal story. “Mr.Su, we respect you a lot,” Zhang said. “Even under such conditions, you still work so hard. We’re deeplymoved. How about this: in addition to the donation, our company will cover the price difference?”In the end, Shekou International School donated more than 70,000 yuan. The large set of kitchenequipment—including a rice steaming cart, electromagnetic oven and wok furnace—worth more than100,000 yuan was entirely sponsored by Dingli. “Now that Shekou International School was sogenerous, we also need to do our part for the disaster affected people,” Zhang said to Su. “We’ll coverthe price difference no matter how much it exceeds the budget. Don’t worry. Do your best.” An initialpromise of 50,000 yuan became a donation of more than 200,000 yuan, and all the kitchen equipmentwas properly installed before the semester began. Such material support greatly accelerated thereconstruction of Yingxiu Primary School.Back in Yingxiu, before the new semester began, the teachers stood before the beds assigned to themby the school. Having been left with nothing—no home, no personal belongings—all kinds of emotionsnow emerged. Life was beginning again from nothingness. No matter how barren the soil was, abeautiful landscape could be rebuilt. They now had the confidence that they could create a bettertomorrow and a prosperous future with their own hands. Page | 147

Chapter 8. Back to schoolFrom ashesIn China, teaching is one of the most well-respected of all professions. As such, teachers always try topresent the best of themselves to their students, and to nourish these children with love. The teachers ofYingxiu Primary School, who beamed like the sun, had become the new embodiment of the schoolethos.In early August 2008, the Olympics torch relay nearing its final destination, Beijing. Sichuan was thepenultimate stop of the relay because of the earthquake, and the focus of the whole nation.The global partner for the Beijing Olympics torch relay was Samsung, and after the earthquake, thecompany had reconsidered some of the candidates for the Sichuan relay. Some previously chosen torchbearers also now gave up their places to the earthquake heroes and on the new candidate list were TanGuoqiang and Dong Xuefeng.When the news was confirmed and they were about to start on their journey, Tan said to Dong: “A town-level primary school having two torch bearers—that might possibly be a world record!” Tan’s simplewords betrayed the complexity of his feelings: if he had a choice, he would rather remain an ordinaryman, than be so respected, honored and watched, because of the earthquake.“I feel humbled—and under pressure too,” Dong acknowledged Tan’s unspoken frustration. But, forthe first time since the earthquake, there was peace in Dong’s eyes as he gazed out of the window. Suchpeace only came after a long struggle, and it was that gentle and constant strength shown by Dong thatYingxiu Primary School so desperately needed to get back on track.On 4 August 2008, the Olympic torch came to Sichuan. Dong was the 184th runner.“I don’t quite remember how I did it…I was totally nervous and excited.” Years later, Dong is stillagitated when talking about the experience. The entire run was only 30 meters, and Dong had plannedto make a gesture that represented his bouncing back after disaster. But as he ran, excitement drove thegesture totally out of his mind. He did remember, though, how the Olympic flame, which had weatheredsuch a long journey and grown even brighter, had rekindled his own hope. It was a feeling he had notanticipated, but for which he was deeply grateful.Tan was the last torch bearer in Leshan City. As he lit the cauldron, he said: “We have made it throughthe toughest times, and I want to say thank you to all of you who have helped us!” His words, said withsincerity on behalf of the students and teachers of Yingxiu Primary School, were greeted with a longapplause. The school was just 23 days away from its scheduled reopening. It was not even three monthssince its annihilation in the earthquake and Yingxiu was already assuming its new look. If it were notfor all the help that had come from across the country, Yingxiu Primary School would never haverecovered in such a short time.Of course, the school had to solve all kinds of problems in the process of restarting, but the surviving Page | 148

teachers all had their own answers. And whether others agreed with them or not, their gratitude keptthem upbeat and light-hearted.***For Tan, the most urgent thing besides settling students and preparing for lessons had been to relievethe heavy burden of emotion that the surviving teachers carried. Before the earthquake, Liu had nevertouched alcohol. Now he had learned to drink Erguotou, which had an alcohol content of 56%. Su, whohad also lost his wife, not only started drinking but took up smoking too. And they were not alone. Twoweeks after the disaster, when Tan met the teachers at the settlement in Chengdu, he saw heaviness andhelplessness was endemic among the teachers.This was unavoidable. Twenty out of the 47 teachers in Yingxiu Primary School died. And almost allof those who survived had lost one or more family member. While Liu was clearing the debris at theschool, he found a tree root twisted into the shape of the Chinese pictograph meaning ‘person’. He hungthe root over his bedside—a memento of the earthquake that had taken from him the people he lovedthe most.Tan decided to find psychological counseling for the teachers. The first session was held on 19 June ina hotel conference room in Chengdu. The counselor first asked the teachers to blow up balloons, lightcandles and turn off the lights. They were then invited to talk about their feelings. Confined in the small,dark room, the counselor’s words brought back all the teachers’ painful memories. They wept. Most leftthe room even before the session had ended; no-one wanted their wounds reopened, non-one wanted toexpose their vulnerabilities, to be judged or told how hide their pain. Concealment was but self-deception; the wound would always exist. And until it would bleed whenever it was touched.The next day, the teachers went to Sichuan University to attend another counseling session. This time,the counselor, Professor Kelsang, did not mention the earthquake once. Instead, he talked about his ownlife experiences. He showed them a slideshow, engaging them all in his life journey and answering theirquestions about how he’d overcome past setbacks and dilemmas. The atmosphere was lively. After thesession, the teachers felt much relieved.The last counseling session took place in Nanchong City. In the morning, the teachers took post-disasterpsychological recovery courses and in the afternoon, they were taken sightseeing. This was the first realrecreational activity they had done since the earthquake. There was no thinking about survival, death orresponsibility. In the company of the picturesque views and softly spoken counselor, one by one, theteachers began to laugh again.Seeing that the teachers were opening their hearts, Tan left Sichuan University and headed south forGuangdong Province to prepare for the upcoming semester.***After the disaster, Yingxiu Primary School had asked parents whether they wanted their children torelocate schools. Eighty percent answered ‘Yes’. In Guangdong, Tan met the manager of JinshuitaiResort in Yunfu City, who hoped the teachers and students from Yingxiu Primary School could resume Page | 149