Bouncing Back Together - English Version 2018

lessons there. The manager of Jinshuitai also promised to spend 3 million yuan on constructing ateaching building first and to cover the expense of schooling 300 students for three years, up to 8 millionyuan. As long as the teachers and students were there, Wenchuan government would not have to spenda penny for three whole years.But just as all the teachers were feeling encouraged, an order came from the upper level saying that theschool must not move because the students were too young.On 3 July, Tan travelled to Yibin City in Sichuan. Again, the local Education Bureau accepted theirrequest to take the teachers and students on, and also promised to cover all their expenses—evenincluding the students’ insurance. But again, the upper level called and said that the reconstruction ofYingxiu Town was taking shape, and the town had to have a primary school and a kindergarten. Theywere not allowed to move.Tan insisted: “It won’t hurt to let the teachers and students breathe some fresh air elsewhere for a yearor two. Moreover, the Education Bureau there will cover all the expense and won’t ask for a penny fromWenchuan government.”The answer was firm: “Yingxiu Town must have a primary school.”Faced with no other option, Tan and the surviving teachers made up their minds to rebuild the schoolwhere it fell and give it new life. And to do it as soon as possible. The day that construction of the newschool building began marked the countdown to the new semester. There was no time for delay.The first major task was to compile lists of students who were dead or wounded. It was no easy task,and the teachers said over and over, “This is too hard. All the lists have been lost in the rubble.” Thosewere the hottest weeks of the year in July and August, and the teachers placed a school desk beside thedebris and asked parents to come and register their children. They claimed that they were collecting thenames of students who would transfer to other schools for the next semester. Someone commented thatthe teachers were “counting the dead through the living”. But the teachers paid little attention: they hadto finish this task however hard it was. As they tried to offer comfort, the teachers were often met withblame. Many parents found the process emotional, thinking of their children who would never go toschool again. They came to the teachers, crying and shouting, asking for their children. But this helpedno-one: the teachers were heartbroken too.The next task was to let the surviving students know about the upcoming semester and get the remainingstudents to the new school. At that time, the disaster refugees were scattered across different reliefstations, and making contact was hard. Under the scorching sun, the teachers went out to notify all thestudent households, leaving no-one behind.Come back, children. The school has stood up again, and it needs you. The school exists because of you,and it becomes alive only when you are there. Because you are hopeful and passionate about the future,the school becomes full of hope and passion too…The hardships the teachers suffered in reopening the school were self-evident. In the 100 days or soafter the earthquake, the teachers tried hard to keep themselves from grief, “because we had so much to Page | 150

do.” For the school to begin again, they exhausted themselves. Watched by all the innocent eyes of theinjured children, they simply couldn’t show they were depressed.And things progressed smoothly. Before long, it time for the new semester to begin.Each year, the start of a new semester was heralded with a ceremony the day before classes began. On27 August 2008, though the students were excited about their new campus, the atmosphere of theceremony was subdued. The students stood in front of the memorial park in silent tribute to the dead.On their soft, childish faces was the unbearable weight of life and death.The new Yingxiu Primary School consisted of white prefabricated buildings. As well as classroomsthere were also a cafeteria, bathrooms, dormitories, a computer room, a counseling room, and so on.The buildings had been donated by different sectors of society, and had been constructed to be highlyearthquake-resistant. Students who lived far away or whose routes home were dangerous could live oncampus as well.The following is a media report about the opening ceremony of the new semester: ‘11-year-old Wang Guangxing slowly raised his “new” right arm—an artificial limb made of rubber. He saluted to the bright five-starred red flag, biting his lips a bit and looking serious. A journalist from Xinhua News Agency attended the ceremony on Aug 27th. Wang Guangxing told the journalist happily: “Finally the school has started. I’m so glad to see my friends gain.” In the classroom, Wang picked up a shuttlecock lightly with his artificial limb and was ready to play badminton with his classmates. His teacher, Mao Fangqin, told the journalist that Wang had been practicing writing with his left hand these days. Wang Guangxing had climbed out of the ruins by himself. When the earthquake struck, he was in fifth grade and having class on the third floor. The 10-year-old Ma Siqi also made it out of the ruins by herself. Her feet were trapped under a collapsed ceiling at that time. Now she carried her school bag on her back and limped into the campus. The big scar on her right foot was clearly visible. “I want to start school as soon as possible, because I want to get into college. I have been thinking about that for a long time,” said Ma. In that afternoon, the sixth graders had a music class. There were only 10 students in the spacious classroom; many seats were empty. Led by the music teacher, the students sang the Team Song of Chinese Young Pioneers loudly. On the first day of school, Ma Hongxiu only saw a dozen of her classmates, while the former Class One, Grade Five, the class she used to be in, had 32 students. “In the past, we have two classes, 50 students, in grade six. Now grade six only has one class, 10 students,” said the teacher Mao Fangqin. Page | 151

Yang Lianyu, a third grader, had not yet recovered from the trauma. For the few months after the earthquake, she lived in a tent just beside the new school, where she could see very clearly the victim memorial park half way up the hill. She said she wanted to go to school elsewhere so that she did not have to look at the ruins or listen to the continuous sound of firecrackers. “For quite a few nights, I trembled all over when I saw the hill.” “Children have to go to school to become something!” A parent, Lei Kaifu, sent his child to school in person.’***“If there’s no school, there is no vitality.” This was how the new semester began after the earthquake.There were 140,000 students in the whole of Wenchuan County. Apart from the 1,782 students whorestarted classes in their original schools in Yingxiu, Sanjiang, Shuimo, Xuankou and so on, all theothers had moved elsewhere for lessons. Yingxiu Primary School was the first school that resumedclasses on its original site in Wenchuan County.Before the earthquake, Yingxiu Primary School had 473 students. Of the 251 who survived, 132attended the reopening ceremony. Others were receiving treatment or attending school elsewhere. Oncethe semester had started, more students came back, including 18 students coming out of rehabilitation.After the five-starred red flag was raised above the exercise ground again, the remaining teachers,including Dong, Liu and Su, returned to their classrooms. Students began to recite texts again.In the new primary school, the children were divided only by grade, not class. The other difference wasthat over the door of each classroom there now hung a ‘family photo’ of all the teachers and students inthat class. It was to remind the students that surviving the earthquake was not easy and they shouldcherish their classmates and teachers like a family.Gradually, Tan and the teachers came to understand why the government had insisted on rebuilding theprimary school in Yingxiu as soon as possible. It was symbolic, and brought peace of mind to the localsand order to wider society. But as they returned to class, the teachers looked at the student’s faces,clouded with pain, and worried: would restarting school in Yingxiu, where the disaster occurred, havea negative impact on the already traumatized children?Bitter sweetAfter the Olympic torch relay, Dong came back to Yingxiu and threw himself into preparation forclasses. For Dong, he had to see his colleagues to feel assured and work to temporarily forget his pain.But after his experience in the torch relay, though he still needed to be busy, work was no longer a wayto escape. It was where his value lay, as a teacher of 15 years. His hope for life had been rekindled.On 10 August 2008, Yingxiu Primary School held an administrative meeting. During the meeting, Tan Page | 152

assigned Dong the director of teaching management of the school. Dong’s first task was to devise a planfor the new semester.In mid-August, Dong was invited to watch the Beijing Olympics. Before he left, he presented hisfinished plan to Tan. The plan was detailed and outlined tasks such as establishing a leaders’ group forclass resumption, and listed things to be done after the semester began. Tan reviewed and approved it,and sent it to the upper-level leaders.Waiting for Dong when he returned from Beijing was the crucial task of gathering all available teachersbefore the new semester started. If they didn’t have enough, then they would have to borrow teachersfrom the kindergarten to ensure that the teaching teams for all grades and subjects were well staffed. Itwas a difficult job: the earthquake had taken the lives of 20 teachers from Yingxiu Primary School,many of whom were in important positions, such as main subject teachers and leaders of the teachingand research groups. The school had also lost two art teachers and two music teachers. If the school waslike a big tree, then many of its branches had been cut off already.But what troubled Dong most was the arrangement of the curriculum. While difficult, Dong couldmanage the plan for resuming classes and gathering the teaching staff. The role of director of teachingand learning was new to him, and though he had observed the previous director, the job was not as easyas it appeared. The curriculum had to comply with the national standards regarding, for example, whichsubjects should be included, how many class hours should be allocated to a particular subject, and whichsubjects could be used to supplement the insufficient class hours.Dong started from scratch and did everything scrupulously. He consulted the experts at the EducationBureau and acquired the national standards. Planning it all out on an A4 piece of paper, he tried todevise the overall curriculum for the whole school. The curricula for each grade and each teacher mustnot conflict, and class hours must be just right… But, several times, he found he had assigned twoteachers to the same class, or two classes to the same teacher.Finally, he managed it. But before he could check over what he’d done, Dong was sent to the provincialcapital and Hong Kong to report back on progress. As soon as he returned, there was a flurry of teachersasking for leave or going away for training, leaving gaps in the team to be filled. As classes began,Dong made slight adjustments. He never knew if what he had planned would work.Then, Dong was assigned as classroom teacher for grade six. This was the graduating grade, and theone that most schools paid attention to. The school leaders clearly trusted in Dong’s ability to managethis class well.For Dong, who had been teaching grade five before the earthquake, moving up to grade six was areasonable progression. But he did not want to become the classroom teacher; he just wanted to teachChinese. Yes, he would have more contact with the students and be able to build better relationshipswith them, but Dong was afraid that he might not be able to juggle all his responsibilities, given all theadministrative work he now had. If he could not do something well, Dong would rather not do it at all—this was his principle.The bell rang, and Dong walked to the classroom door. He smoothed his hair out with his hands, Page | 153

dampened with water. He collected himself and displayed a kind of radiance on his face, to cover allhis tiredness underneath. It was the first class after the earthquake, and Dong wanted to appear energeticin front of the children.As he entered the room, the sound of playing and chatter in the classroom ceased. The students were allsitting upright in front of their desks. Dong walked in quick steps onto the rostrum, and smiled.It seemed as though nothing had changed. The same dark wood rostrum, the same yellow desks, thesame blackboard display on the back wall. Only the theme had become ‘Be grateful always’. But thesun-lit classroom felt a little too spacious. There were only three rows of desks in the front half of theclassroom: the rear half was entirely vacant.Where there had been 32 students in Dong’s class, there were now just 12. Only three of these 12students were from Dong’s original class. The rest all came from other classes. Dong’s son, who wouldhave been a sixth grader this semester, was absent, never to come back to class again.Dong used to promise the children in his class that he would be their classroom teacher until theygraduated. Once, another teacher, Li Yongqiang, who had returned after working as a secretary in theCounty People’s Congress, asked Dong if he could teach his class. Dong did not approve. He wanted tokeep his promise. Now, teaching the sixth grade, Dong was finally delivering on his word. But wherewere those absent children? Did you ever tell Mr. Dong that you were leaving? Did he approve? Dongfelt suddenly sad. He quickly collected himself, trying hard not to look at the empty spaces and focusingon the children who were present instead.Dong’s enthusiasm when he taught had always been contagious. He liked to walk among the children,one hand in his pocket and the other hand gesturing. The children were all absorbed, and he wasenjoying it too. But in that first class, in the middle of his speech, Dong suddenly stopped, unsure ofwhat to say next.Dong wanted to open the children’s eyes to the world. As a teacher, it was responsibility to provideopportunities for his students to expand their learning. And so, in preparation for his second class, Dongdownloaded lots of materials from the internet. When the class began, Dong shared these things andtold the students stories. “Mr. Dong has become gentler,” commented the students afterwards. “Beforethe earthquake, he was serious and would never tell us so many stories or treat us so gently.”And he was not the only one who had changed. The earthquake had made the children mature. Theywould now listen to the adults’ reasoning and work hard in school. Of course sometimes they stillcomplained when they had lots of homework, but as soon as Dong told them the children that it wasonly to help them improve, they did as they were instructed.The homework that Dong assigned was varied. He asked each of the students to make their own small‘newspaper’ in which to collect the words and sentences they had learned in class, read in books orcome up with themselves. Dong considered this the best way for the students to learn the language anddevelop both their creative and analytical abilities; it was unnecessary for them to keep copying out thetexts again and again. Page | 154

One boy in Dong’s class had lost his right hand in the earthquake and had to learn how to write with hisleft hand. He was a clever child, with wide ranging knowledge—it was him that inspired his classmatesto read more books. But, struggling to write, he came last in a class test. Dong and the other childrenall encouraged and praised him, and as he became more and more practiced, the same boy began gettingtop marks. When the class graduated a year later, they won the title of ‘Outstanding Class of WenchuanCounty’. “Teaching with care has proven effective!” said Dong excitedly to his teaching partner, Ruan.This ‘care’ involved sharing explanations and life philosophies. In one class, while Dong was askingquestions, he suddenly turned to the word ‘tongkuai’. He asked the class: “What is tongkuai?” Thechildren’s answers differed. One girl answered: “Tongkuai is tong (painful) but kuai (happy).”Dong said nothing. Instead, he turned and wrote the word on the blackboard. Then he said, seriously:“Only after we have experienced pain can we gain new understandings of life. Happiness after pain ismuch more precious and worthy.” His words were as much an explanation to the students as consolationto himself. He knew that the pain had passed, and that he and the students should pursue happiness inmore valuable and meaningful ways.***Dong may have transcended his pain, but his good friend, Liu, was not yet at this point.Liu’s new home was a single bed with a single layer of bedding, several short-sleeved shirts from therescue team, and one set of new clothes. Life started from new from such scarcity. Since the earthquake,Liu had avoided children. He would avoid the children around him, especially those he had taught, andwouldn’t greet his students when they met. Even when distributing condolence money in the villagesLiu was unable to face them. The sight of any child reminded him of his own.A colleague had taken some photographs of Liu’s family shortly before the earthquake. One day, theteacher handed the pictures, in an envelope, to Liu. He accepted the package and felt a sudden heartache.He took his colleague’s hand and cried. Whether they were tears of gratitude or grief, Liu didn’t knowbut he could not control himself.He kept this envelope of photographs in a box, along with his son’s jade pendant of his son. Later,Kong’s classmate from Yibin City brought Liu some of Kong’s photos when she was at school there. Itwas six months before Liu dared look at them. He knew that he had to face up to what had happenedand move past it. But he cried as soon as he saw them.On 18 August, the surviving teachers had their first reunion in Yingxiu Primary School cafeteria. Therewere no new faces, and many old ones were missing. The female teachers started to tear up again asthey were talking, while the male teachers were a little bit stronger. Everyone felt such extreme painthat could not be expressed.Again and again, Liu had felt that the disaster had stripped them all of the superfluous and forced themto prioritize what was most important. They were now joined by the purest form of brotherhood. In thissense, the disaster had helped them to rediscover their real needs, and to bond with each other. Whenthey returned to the place where they had all lived and worked, it was like being reunited with their own Page | 155

families after long absence. They felt so close to each other, unbounded.Liu also had even more respect for his colleagues; after so much misfortune, no one dragged their feetor complained. They devoted all they had to reconstruction, and did so with positivity. In other schools,some teachers did not come back to the classroom for a long time, as they grieved for their own children.Yingxiu was beginning all over again from nothing. The spirit of the teachers remained, and that wasYingxiu’s spirit too.On 27 August, after the ceremony ended, Liu walked into the classroom in the new prefab building. Itwas a big room, and felt all the bigger with only 18 children in it. The children also felt the tension ofthe emptiness, placing their desks close to each other and leaving the rear half of the classroom vacant.Liu felt a surge of sorrow: “Pull the desks apart and fill all the space in the room as much as possible.That way we’ll feel better.”After rearranging the desks, Liu told himself that he must face up to it with the children. He must restrainhis own emotions and present a positive image of himself to the children.When the teachers had received the order to resume classes, all thought: “How should I teach the firstclass? How can I face the students and myself?” In his first class, Liu told the students the story of theteacher Zhang Miya. He said that Mr. Zhang had passed away in the earthquake, and that he was a hero.He also told the students that Zhang was his good friend and neighbor, and that he thought of himoften…As Liu spoke, he suddenly felt unable to continue. Emotion surged within him and blocked his thoughts.When the bell rang for break, Liu hurried from the classroom, his teaching notes under his arm. Thechildren had sat in silence for entire class, and one it was over, none of them rushed out into the corridorin excited shouts. The pain never left them, it was just that they were too young to express it in the waythat their teacher could.Parents lowered their expectations when it came to their children’s school performance. All they wantedwas for their children to be alive.In Liu’s class, there was a child whose left arm was injured. Although he didn’t need his arm amputated,it had lost all function. When Liu went back into the classroom, he felt the passionate gaze of the child.But when Liu tried to talk to him, the boy became cold and quiet. Liu was still trying to avoid reality,and so failed to really listen to the children.Afterwards, when Liu thought back, he could not stop blaming himself. Though no child becamedelinquent because of his remiss, he still believed that, as a teacher, he should adapt to the children, notthe other way around.When classes started again, Liu was struggling with his own heartbreak. Looking at the lovely faces ofthe surviving children in the classroom, he could hide his grief for his lost son. It haunted and torturedhim, making him unable to connect with the children he taught for quite some time. Page | 156

For the entire semester, Liu did not go to his office. He traveled back and forth between the classroomand his dorm, doing all his class preparation, marking and tutoring in his dorm room. He was afraid offacing his colleagues. He did not want to be comforted or respond to consolations, nor did he want toaccidentally reopen other people’s wounds.When Liu felt tortured, he listened to music. Sometimes he also wrote in his blog about how he missedhis wife and son. He felt that he might never be able to walk out of this shadow. As soon as he did, hewould see the sprightly children and be reminded of Liu Xusiyu, his beloved son.Even when the ‘four musketeers’ got together, Liu never talked about his pain. He did not know how.When he was drowning in melancholy, he walk up the hill to sit for a while, and tell his wife and son atrest there how he felt.Of course, Liu knew that he couldn’t carry on like this. He tried to find something to do in the dorm tokill time and distract himself. But in the depths of night, the pain and longing would surface once again.Liu was also reminded of his loss whenever he saw his female colleagues teaching in class, or evenwalking into a classroom. The sight would make him think of his wife: “If she were still alive…”Sometimes, when he was doing laundry, he would remember what a diligent wife Kong was and howwell she took care of him. Even doing the housework he would cry: “How great it would be if she werehere…”On his online personal profile, there was a family photo. Since the earthquake, he had dared not look atit. One night, when he was browsing the internet, he opened the page. But as the picture was loading,he broke into tears. Helpless, Liu closed the browser window.Liu’s singular focus on his sadness and how solitary he had become made him finally realize the severityof his problem. But how could he get over it? Again and again he told himself: “You can’t go on likethis. The lost are lost, and the living should take their own lives more seriously. You’re a teacher: beingso depressed is neither good for you, nor fair to your students.”So, bit by bit, Liu tried to change. He no longer avoided the children but rather tried to get close to them.The students felt Liu’s sincerity and passion and soon, would gather round him like before, talking andasking questions. Their smiling faces gradually lessened the burden of sadness Liu felt.In October 2008, five months after the earthquake, Liu opened up his online profile again. This time,he told himself to be brave and face the truth. When the smiling faces of his family appeared on thescreen, he fixed his eyes on them, even as tears fell.But for quite a while, Liu could not set himself free.His sleep was troubled. Sometimes Liu would lie awake the whole night; more often, he would wakesuddenly in the early hours of the morning. Still his sadness was something Liu kept to himself. In frontof his parents and relatives, he kept his feelings hidden. Many people believed that Liu was strong andhad recovered when they saw him.He wanted so much to confide in someone, but who? All his friends were trapped in their own grief; Page | 157

how could he burden them further with his own feelings? He knew that what was lost was gone forever,but he couldn’t rid himself of the feeling that they were still with him somehow...Liu’s imaginings made him exhausted.He remembered, when he returned to Yingxiu, how he felt that his family were coming back. He couldeven hear them calling him from the debris, calling him to come to their rescue.Be it story or memory, its torture was real.Reconstruction of the spiritSu was upbeat as he offered comfort to the children. During the new semester ceremony, he played tworoles: a private self that was too weak to walk out of sadness, and a public self that must be strong.During the ceremony, Su spoke on behalf of the teachers. His speech was short and touched only onpositive themes: strength, gratitude and hope. The teacher, Ruan, commented of Su’s speech: “Thelanguage is inspiring, and we’re all deeply affected.” Having delivered the positive and encouragingmessage as he hoped, Su felt relieved.But this positivity was not a true reflection of his feelings. He was still deeply in pain. Each evening,he would go up the hill to sit with Cheng for a while. He needed to be with her to placate his heart.Knowing that Dong and Liu were caught up in their own grief, he did not say anything to them abouthis broken heartedness.After the new semester started, Su’s position in the school changed. He was appointed to the office ofeducation research and was put in charge of educational reform, teaching research, teachers’ training,school roll management and psychological intervention. With so few teachers, Su was also grade four’sclass teacher, teaching math. His workload was overwhelming.The school required all the teachers to be well-prepared for their first class. But what should he teach?How should he prepare? Looking at his empty notebook, Su did not know where to start.“What is the mental state of the children who have come back to school after the earthquake? What arethey thinking about? What do they need? How will they manifest their psychological trauma? And whatcan we do? How should we teachers face the children now that our own families are broken?”Psychological counseling in Yingxiu Primary School began on 20 May 2008. That day, Dong and Suled some teachers to search for hospitalized students in different hospitals. The children were alloverjoyed when they saw their teachers, just like seeing their own families. They rejected the journalists,but they liked the company of their teachers. This was the first stage of mental health support:companionship.In July 2008, when the teachers were giving out condolence money to the parents of deceased students,they gradually learned that the most effective method of psychological counseling was listening. Page | 158

Later, in Dong’s plan for the new semester, he emphasized the importance of psychological counseling.In accordance with this, Su took 12 frontline teachers to Sichuan University to attend professionaltraining in psychological counseling. Lasting for several months, the training consisted of theory andpractice. Incorporating psychological counseling into all subjects ensured that the new semester atYingxiu Primary School went smoothly.Yet Su was still at a loss as to what to teach in his first class back. They had been through the sameearthquake. He was terrified in that moment, let alone these little children! What on earth were theythinking now? He didn’t know.With unhurried steps, Su went to the classroom and pushed open the door. He walked to the front of theroom and gazed at the children for almost half a minute seconds. There were only 20 or so students,and all looked pitifully distracted and helpless.After a while, Su spoke: “So everybody, have you missed me?”Such an opening remark amazed the children. “Yes I have,” they answered their ‘new’ teacher, in adrawn-out, collective voice.“Today I feel happy,” Su continued. “How about you?”Excitement was now added to the confusion in the children’s eyes. Mr. Su’s first words in the first classsince the earthquake had lightened the children up a little. “We’re happy,” they answered.The children were all unfamiliar to Su. Since coming to Yingxiu Primary School only a year ago, Suhad mostly done administrative work. Though he knew some of their names, he did not know what theywere like as students. He wanted to give the children a feeling of starting afresh in that first class. Hewanted to make the children feel cared about.“Today, we’ll get to know each other first. Each of you first introduce yourself, including your strengthsand weaknesses, to your neighbor, and your neighbor will introduce you to the whole class. Is that ok?”As soon as Su had finished speaking, the class broke out into bustling chatter.Outside the classroom, many journalists were taking photos and filming. The reopening of YingxiuPrimary School had attracted so much attention: the spirit represented by such a rebirth was what societyso desperately needed at that time. Su and the other teachers happened to be a part of this. And, to befrank, Su did not like it. He was concerned that the media attention would interfere with teaching andlearning. So, after he had greeted the children, he asked: “Do you know how to play rock-paper-scissors?”The children did not know what Mr. Su was having in mind, but they all answered affirmatively, andthe classroom came alive all at once. Seeing that the children were all energized, Su continued.“So, we’ll play three rounds,” said Su. “Whoever loses should answer the questions I’m going to poselater.” Page | 159

The interest of the children was piqued. One by one, they stood up to face their new classmates andtheir new teacher, tearful journalists behind the cameras, and introduced their neighbor. “His strengthis that he likes to answer questions in class, and his weakness is that he sometimes teases youngerchildren,” 11-year-old Li Zhongfei introduced his neighbor Yang Chengxi. “I will definitely correctmyself. Definitely,” Yang answered with flushes.“My strength is that I can tell many stories. My weakness is that I don’t like to answer questions inclass…”***The children spent their first class after the disaster getting to know each other. Amidst the chatteringand laughter, it seemed that the long shadow cast by the earthquake had stealthily slipped out of theclassroom.Some journalists called Su’s first class a “communication class”. For the first week of the semester, theschool adopted the theme of “student psychological counseling” in its curricula. Classes were asfollows: 27 August, afternoon: teacher–student discussion of touching stories in the earthquake; 28August, morning: teaching about gratitude and psychological counseling; 29 August: guiding thestudents to read the consolatory letters from all over the country and assigning them to write responseletters during the weekend…“Sir, I don’t want to be in grade two because I won’t be able to get out in a disaster on the first floor,”a second grader said when registering for the new semester.To relieve the students’ psychological burden was the key task for the primary school in the newsemester. The children might not look abnormal or troubled but the teachers needed to get to know themon a much deeper level to really understand their mental state.After initial trepidation, Su decided to put real effort in to getting to know the children. He could alwaysbe seen hanging out them—be it in class, on the exercise ground or in the office. He would listen tothem carefully, read comics with them and surf the internet with them. It was the same for other classestoo. To help the students recover through play, the school organized more games. The school also setup a free psychological counseling hotline, so that the children could talk to a professional counseloron their own and get better. For the children, the school had done all it could think of and manage to do.For the teachers, they healed bit by bit in the warmth and passion that emanated from the children.Gradually, after many heartwarming and humorous classes, Su stopped feeling lost and begin feelingrelaxed.Apart from teaching, though, Su also had responsibilities at the office of education research. This wasa considerable challenge: what on earth should he do? And how could he do it?“Let’s not put our main efforts into education research this semester,” Su suggested, later at a schoolconference. “Instead, we should focus on changing our approach to teaching. If we continue to do whatwe did before, we will miss something important, especially the psychological counseling of the students.So, from now on, we should incorporate psychological counseling into our teaching…” Page | 160

To equip the teachers with the necessary expertise, Su and the others attended many professionaltraining sessions and read vast numbers of books on relevant topics. Gradually, they learned how tohelp the children recover after a disaster, including how to communicate with them, how to identifytheir problems and how to alleviate their tension in healthy ways. The work was done little by little, andthe benefits would appear slowly.In those days, Su had learned so much from exchanges with psychological experts and friends whocared about him. For example, he learned about the proper language to use. Instead of asking, “How’syour day?”, when he wanted to know how someone was feeling, he would ask, “What did you dotoday?”, “How were you feeling when you were doing this?” He applied this learning to the students.He would not ask them: “Did you have a good time?” Instead, he would ask: “What do you do for funthese days? How do you do it?” Instead of offering only one-word answers, the students would openup and really talk to him.This was the most fundamental thing about communication Su learned.As he counseled the students, Su himself underwent significant changes. Motivated by the students,their eyes filled with helplessness and expectation, Su began a journey of self-healing. He listened toinspiring or calming music, and read extensively about psychological recovery. His heart was revitalizedand he began to accept what happened.There were two children in Su’s class whom he paid particular attention to.Zhou Hongmei had been a lovely and well-behaved student. But when school resumed, she didn’t oncesmile. Zhou had lost all the fingers on her right hand during the earthquake. In the first few days of thenew semester, she kept both of her hands deep in her pockets, and she had little contact with her teachersor classmates. Zhou was immersed in an air of solitude.Seeing this, Su chose his words carefully in class, so as not to hurt her, and told stories of peopleovercoming difficulties almost every day. He would go over to chat with her, hold competitions betweenthe two of them after class, and greet her with humorous words. Throughout, he did not once let Zhouknow that all he did was deliberate.“Zhou Hongmei, let’s compete. We’ll both use our left hand, and let’s see who writes better?”Su would intentionally write badly and, of course, when he compared their handwriting he remarked,“Why, my handwriting is not nearly as good as yours!” Zhou smiled, pleased with herself.After a while, Zhou began to laugh more often. When she saw Mr. Su, should would smile, embarrassed.The other students joked: “Whenever Zhou Hongmei sees Mr. Su, she will feel embarrassed!” She soonbegan to Su on her own initiative. She would ask: “Mr. Su, what’s the book you’re reading? What is itabout?”After a month, with the support of social workers, Zhou began to greet the teachers at school, take herright hand out of the pocket as she ran and play games happily with her classmates. Through she stillwore white gloves, she had made huge progress indeed. At first, Su dared not to look at her right hand,afraid that the expression in his eyes might upset her. But Zhou seemed not to care at all, and this change Page | 161

in her filled Su with joy.It was the same for Zhang Shiqi. Because of the encouragement that Su had given her when she wastrapped in the debris, Zhang had developed a special affinity for Su. When she first saw him after theearthquake in a hospital in Chengdu, she was full of smiles. Su felt overjoyed to see Zhang so calm andstrong, and even drawing in bed. Zhang asked for his phone number so that she could call when shemissed him. Zhang’s mother said: “Thank you, Mr. Su. The fact that she survived was all because ofher trust in you.”In October 2008, one month into the new semester, Zhang Shiqi returned to Yingxiu Primary School inher wheelchair. Both of her legs had been amputated, but she was still smiling. In the first few daysback, the excitement of seeing her teachers and classmates seemed to overshadow her pain. She wasable to have fun and study without any trouble. But later, she became irritable. Whenever there was ateacher with her, she would cling to the teacher and not let go.Su thought carefully about Zhang’s situation. He asked the social workers to help by giving her moreattention after school. During class, he invited the students to take turns in helping her to the classroom,pushing her in her chair to the exercise ground, the cafeteria, the toilet, etc. Su also spent his spare timetelling stories and talking to Zhang. He used all the techniques of counseling and stress managementthat he had learned. Gradually, Zhang started to adapt. She began to accept the wheelchair and mix withher classmates one again.What touched Su most was when Zhang and a few other students secretly came to his dorm to celebratehis birthday on a Saturday. They brought him gifts: a beautiful porcelain cup, a doll… It was the mostunforgettable. Simple, pure and heartwarming.There were many more things about these children surviving the earthquake that touched Su. When theteachers got together, Su loved to talk about these children. The teachers would discuss how to bettertake care of them. Indeed, some children could jump up and down happily, but what about the disabledstudents?“We should take care of them, but we must not make it too obvious or purposeful. We must not ostracizeor marginalize them with our attention. If that happens, we would only be hurting them.” Su’ssuggestion was approved by all. The children who had never been given particular attention wereshowered with the most special kind of love. And through their progress, the teachers learned much too.Still, one man could not do everything. Su’s workload was heavy and ever-increasing, and Su feltoverwhelmed.He went to principal Tan: “Principal, can you assign another classroom teacher to my class? I can’t bethe classroom teacher anymore.”“How can? You teach math, and you still need a classroom teacher? It’s out of the question!” Tanrejected Su’s plea.“I can’t continue like this,” Su continued. “There’s just too much to do and I’m exhausted.” Su felt asurge of emotions inside him. It was the first time he had faced the school leader and revealed his Page | 162

emotions and stress. He would never have done such a thing in the past; no matter how much work hehad, he would try his very best to finish it. But the work on top of his own grief was too much. Even ifhe were a robot, he would break down all the same.Tan took a long, hard look at Su. He patted him on the shoulder: “I know that you’re overextendingyourself. I’ve seen it, and I feel for you. How about this: you help Dong Xuefeng with the administrativetasks and cover for absent teachers. Besides that, you won’t have to teach any classes.”During that period, there were many absent teachers. Some were receiving training elsewhere, and somewere in exchange programs with other provinces. As a substitute teacher, Su took advantage of theopportunity to talk to the children about the value of life. He would talk about how to accept theenvironment, accept what had happened, accept other people, accept oneself, accept one’s emotions,and rebuild one’s own confidence and dreams.One day, Su was teaching a sixth grade class. There were a total of 12 surviving children in this grade,four of whom were disabled or injured. They spent the entire class answering one question: “We haveexperienced what others have not experienced, and we’re alive. Life is beautiful today, and tomorrow,it will become even better. So, what are you going to do when you grow up?” asked Su.He watched the children, first silent then discussing in low voices, and finally building into heateddiscussions. After they had finished talking, they all scrambled to the rostrum to share their dream withthe rest of the class.“My dream is—please don’t think it’s impossible—to become a pilot when I grow up. After theearthquake, the pilots risked their lives and flew into the disaster zone to transfer the wounded. Isurvived because of their quick help. Although I have lost my right arm, I believe that I can become apilot and save more people,” said one student.“I want to become a journalist,” began another. “After the earthquake, so many journalists forgot abouttheir own safety and came to the disaster hit areas to report the situation. Because of them, the wholecountry could know what happened in a short time, and so many donations could reach us and help usthrough the hardest times. That’s why I want to become a journalist: I want to travel around the worldto report the news to the audience.”“When I grow up, I’m going to be a social worker. When I was feeling down and lonely after theearthquake, they came to me and solved my psychological problems, so that now I can face life with apositive attitude. That’s why my dream is to become a social worker.”“I want to become a hotpot restaurant owner in the future. After the earthquake, so many People’sLiberation Army soldiers and kind-hearted people helped us survive and cared about us. I will open upa chain of hotpot restaurants, so that all of them can taste the delicious hotpot in Yingxiu.”…The gratitude of the children made Su feel that the beautiful future they dreamed of was coming closerand closer. Page | 163

In another life education class, they discussed self-rescue when trapped in the ruins. Su asked: “If youbecome a rescuer or a PLA soldier in the future, how will you teach others about self-rescue in theearthquake?”Hearing Su’s question, the children thought silently for a while, then discussed with their partners.“When an earthquake strikes, you have two choices: the first is to run outside, but you need to be carefulabout falling objects; the second is to hide in the classroom, somewhere like the corners with strongsupport. Keep your body as low as possible, and protect your head and eyes with your hands orbackpack.”“If you’re trapped in the debris, you need to keep calm and preserve energy. If you’re injured, you canstop the bleeding and dress the wound by yourself if you can. But if the injury is severe, you’d better notmove too much. Try not to call for help loudly. Instead, you can knock on the wall with a rock to saveenergy. If there’s no water, you can drink your own urine.”“If you’re in extreme panic, you must deal with it. You can talk to other survivors beside you. You cantry to recall good memories. You can clean up the rubble around you to provide a larger space foryourself.”…Believe it or not, this was what the children told Su. It took some time, but the things that the childrenhad learned and the progress they had made was gratifying.Su had shown a video clip called ‘Light from the caves’ to all the children from grade three to six. Healso recommended the video to other teachers. The theme of the video clip was ‘children influencechildren’. The program took a few naughty children from the cities to a village, where the people alllived in caves and life was extremely difficult. The purpose of the program was to inspire theproblematic children through the hardworking village children. They would eat together, live togetherand go to school together.The video clip left Su with many things to think about—family education, school education and societaleducation. There was so much to consider and to put into practice. Children were the future of society,and it was every adult’s responsibility to educate them well. But how? What to say? What to do?Everyone had their own answer, and so all would learn different lessons.“I will learn to be grateful.”“I will improve myself even in the toughest environment.”“I will help more classmates.”…Children influence each other. Su was right. What he had expected was achieved. One day, a journalistfrom Sichuan Educational TV, Tang Xiaojia, came to Yingxiu Primary School to do a second interview Page | 164

with Su. On that day, Su was teaching grade six as a substitute teacher. The class was about the naturalenvironment. For this class, Su had been fully prepared. Using the slides, Su started with theenvironmental pollution in Yingxiu after the earthquake and continued to talk about what ordinarypeople could do.The attentive gaze of the children was like a spring breeze to Su.That evening, when Su was in his dorm, reflecting what he had learned, he suddenly thought of thewords from a book called An Encounter with the Soul: ‘Conscientiousness is a great quality. As long as you focus on a cause, you will definitely make achievements beyond your imagination. Right thinking brings right living. Clear thinking brings clear living. What you think determines your life attitude, and your life attitude shapes your life. Sow the seeds of good thinking and try to make them come true, and you will live a beautiful, wonderful life.’Yes, Su’s life had begun anew. And Yingxiu and the primary school that had risen from the ruins beingreborn too. Page | 165

Chapter 9. A new page: one year after earthquakePursue your dreams, childrenIf it were not for that unprecedented catastrophe, Yingxiu, a small town on the 213 National Highway,might never have become the focus of the whole world. Those suffocating three minutes had crushedall the tranquility and beauty of this town.It was a year since earthquake, but the remnants of the disaster could still be seen everywhere. Thegrooves of landslides, like scars, pricked at people’s memories. Baihua Bridge, the last passage toYingxiu, lay broken. Ahead, was a ‘stone out of the sky’, cutting deeply into the bank of Minjiang River.It bore the enscription: ‘Yingxiu, epicenter of 12 May earthquake’. In Xuankou Secondary School, thecollapsed buildings were to be permanently preserved as earthquake ruins. In the old town of Yingxiu,the old Yingxiu Primary School had disappeared, and in the place that it once stood, a remaining redflag waved in the wind.In the blink of an eye, Yingxiu Primary School had risen from ashes and was welcoming its newanniversary.Though the school buildings were all prefabricated, they were the best makeshift shelters in the wholeof Yingxiu Town. According to the town’s building plans, the helipad behind the temporary schoolbuildings would become the new campus for Yingxiu Primary School. It was the flattest area on theriverbank, and the children would have the nicest view of Yingxiu.The temporary primary school was very conspicuous. When people entered Yingxiu, they wouldimmediately see the newly erected blue road sign: ‘Yingxiu Avenue’. On one side of the avenue, waswhere Xuankou Secondary School used to be; on the other side, was Yingxiu Primary School’stemporary campus.Separated from the ruins of the old school by a brook, the new temporary school had all kinds offacilities—dormitories, a cafeteria, basketball court and even a beach volleyball court. All that remainedon the old campus was the lone flagpole.Though the old school campus was where so many lives had been lost and hopes trampled, Dong missedit. Whenever he looked in its direction, images of past times would emerge in front of his eyes. He sawclearly, against the background of the grand green mountains, the four-storey ivory teaching buildingand five-storey white comprehensive building, side by side… the children crowding into the schoolwith bags on their backs and colored umbrellas in their hands... These scenes would always live on asmemories. And Dong knew that he had to cheer up and embrace his new start, along with the newschool.Only a glimpse of the old campus, from the new exercise ground, would fill Dong with longing. Heonly chose to visit it once, when he went to see his family during the sacrificial ceremony on the 100thday after the earthquake. On other occasions, he might accompany journalists to the site but, though hemissed it, he did not want be reminded of the past again and again. Page | 166

1 May 2009 was International Labor Day and, as was tradition for any major festival in Yingxiu Town,the town government and the social work station had organized a dance contest for all the young peoplefrom villages nearby. Yingxiu Primary School was to attend this joint performance too, and Dong wasassigned to write the script for the master of ceremonies. He wrote: “Let us turn a new page, and letthe sun brighten up our land again.”Yingxiu Primary School was going to put together a Guozhuang dance team. Guozhuang dance hadbeen a school tradition; before the earthquake, during breaks between classes, both students and teacherswould join in Guozhuang dance. Guozhuang, alternatively named ‘Guozhuo’ ‘Gezhuang’ ‘Zhuo’ andso on, is a Tibetan word meaning ‘dancing in circle’. It is a traditional dance form for Tibetan and Qiangpeople. People would describe the rich content of Guozhuang dance in these words: “The melodies in Zhuo are as many as the stars in the sky; the lyrics in Zhuo as many as the trees on the mountains; the movements in Zhuo as many as the strings of hair on a yak.”The newly formed Yingxiu dance team rehearsed on the exercise ground before sunset each day. Notfar from them, on the school’s bulletin board, there was a group photo of the total 47 teachers the schoolhad had before the earthquake. On the wall beside the exercise ground, there was a bold sentence ‘Nodifficulty can overwhelm the heroic Chinese people’—the words of Hu Jintao, the president of PRC atthat time. These details sparkled brightly in the gentle sunshine of May.During rehearsals, Dong would form a circle with other teachers, hand-in-hand, and dance. Sometimesclapping along to the beat of the music, the sound would travel far.In April, the campus was soon filled with the sound of singing too: “With a grateful heart, I thank you.Your company has encouraged me to be myself. With a grateful heart, I thank fate. The flowers willbloom and fade, but I will cherish life all the same…” This was a song from the school’s song festival,entitled ‘Sowing with hope, harvesting with gratitude’. It was a way for people who had experiencedthe earthquake to tell themselves that, in pursuit of their dreams, they must always remind themselvesto be grateful and move forward with a positive attitude.The fact that the devastated Yingxiu Primary School could recover so quickly was thanks in no smallpart to assistance from all over the country: all the facilities and school equipment had been donated.They had 700 sets of desks and chairs, TV sets and stands, and filing cabinets donated by overseasChinese. A charity foundation in Shenzhen City donated 30 desktop computers and helped the schoolbuild multi-media classrooms. An electronics company in Beijing provided a laptop for each teacher…“The best solace for the deceased is that we, the survivors, rise beyond adversity and begin a new lifeon the ruins. Life will continue, and we will live with a positive, prudent, grateful, and reverent attitude.We’re full of confidence about the reconstruction of Yingxiu Primary School,” said Dong. As he spokeabout the reconstruction of the school, Dong became expressive and looked hopeful.***As the anniversary of the earthquake approached, Dong became even busier. As well as his scheduledteaching, organization for the dance contest, he was also responsible for preparing materials for the Page | 167

memorial ceremony.He searched out all the old files and pictures of Yingxiu Primary School, with which he would create adisplay board. Before the earthquake, there was a panoramic photo of Yingxiu Primary School hangingon the wall of the principal’s office. It was taken in 2006, and in the photo, the orderly teaching buildings,the exercise ground full of students, and the waving national flag together comprised the quiet, cleancampus. The other wall in Tan’s office—full of certificates and awards—was the pride of the wholeschool. This room embodied Principal Tan’s memories of the school during his seven-year tenure.In another photo Dong found, many happily smiling children had put their faces close to the teacher’scamera, wanting their childhood moments to be captured. The smiling faces that were unintentionallysnapped became the most precious memory of autumn 2007. Before the disaster, these lovely childrenwere studying and living happily on campus. Now where were they?Ah, here was another interesting photo. It was from September of 2007. The volunteers for the PanAsiaTechnology Center Student Support Program were giving the third graders a class themed ‘Let’s talkabout cars’. The children were all sitting straight and listening attentively. When asked about theirdreams, they had answered almost unanimously: “We want to go to college and see the bigger world inthe cities.”Soon, these children of the mountains were going to see the outside world in the cities. In Yingxiu,many families had lived in the mountains for countless generations, and the children had to travel milesand miles of mountain path to go to school at the mountain foot. Out of the mountains, these childrenfollowed the staff from Shanghai PanAsia Technology Center to Shanghai. The children sang anddanced in the PanAsia Staff General Assembly to loud applause.Who was this little guy on the shoulders of the volunteer, Liu Jian? Among all those volunteers, it wasLiu Jian who had won the title of ‘King of the Children’. They had surrounded him like he was a hero,taking him to see their classrooms, dorms and cafeteria. They had taken him to the exercise ground toplay marbles. To “win him over”, the boys would whisper to him: “Tomorrow we’ll serve you anadditional dish!” This was the highest form of respect for a guest.These photos had captured such warm and joyous moments.This one was also full of memories. A month before the earthquake, a tobacco company in AbaPrefecture had donated 30 new computers to the school. On the day they sent the computers to theschool, many children stood in rows to welcome and applaud them. These new computers weresupposed to replace the old ones, but since the school was financially strained, they decided to keepboth sets, and create another computer room. The children so excited.But the gifts were destroyed before they even had the time to open them. What was in the picture wasaspiration for the future...Once, after the disaster, Tan told the surviving teachers in a firm tone: “The school buildings are gone,but not the school. We will rebuild everything.” As Dong browsed those files and pictures from the past,he moved the computer mouse slowly across each picture, as if touching those things that had Page | 168

disappeared, and greeting those faces that were once so alive.After a moment’s pause, he came back to reality and continued to sort the materials carefully. He knewthat the anniversary was coming and each person’s memory, though different, would be sad. But hisown sadness he would keep to himself. He cared about the mental health of the teachers and studentsand he had to help them overcome grief and regain the joy of life.***Tan was also paying much attention to mental health and post-disaster growth. What he wanted to domost after the earthquake was to help the teachers work and live happily. He had always hoped foropportunities to send the teachers to other places for training or exchange, and after the earthquake,such opportunities became abundant.First, during the summer vacation, the teachers were invited to visit metropolises like Beijing, Shanghai,Shenzhen... During the winter vacation of 2009, three groups of teachers were invited to Beijing,Shenzhen and Zhuhai. On their return, they looked refreshed and emotionally well-adjusted. Moreover,they had broadened their minds and brought back many advanced ideas. New teaching methodsemerged one after another—a perfect opportunity for the primary school classes waiting to beredeveloped.On 8 April 2009, Dong was the only teacher selected in Yingxiu Town to attend a psychologicalcounseling training course organized by China Youth Development Foundation in Shanghai. After ninedays of training and a final examination, Dong was awarded a certificate of intermediate NationalCertified Psychologist. This was the highest level of psychologist certification in the country. Afterreturning to Yingxiu on 20 April, Dong created an online discussion group with others teachers fromAba Prefecture who had been on the training.Like other teachers, in terms of psychological adjustment, Dong himself had experienced the same fourstages: numbness, pain, grief, recovery. In the beginning, there was too much to do in the school toallow Dong time to think about his own loss, and so he stayed numb. Once school resumed and life wasback on track, all kinds of pain surged in his heart. He externalized this pain, becoming irritable, aninsomniac an alcoholic, depressed. As time passed, when grief had exerted its most intense effects,Dong gradually transitioned into the calm of recovery.Unlike the teachers, the children had been receiving psychological counseling since the disasterhappened. Social workers from Hong Kong were stationed in Yingxiu Primary School and had sincemade irreplaceable contributions to the psychological recovery of the teachers and students. In his newsemester plan, Dong wrote: “To resume school after the earthquake, the first and foremost task is to getthe students into the classroom. The school regulations should be set aside in the initial period. Thefirst task was to provide psychological counseling for the students, and only after that is done can wetalk about study.” Still, when teaching resumed, the teachers discovered some problems among thechildren.The school had been closed for a long time, so at the start of the semester, neither the teachers nor thechildren were adjusted. Some of the students had developed bad habits at home such as poor personal Page | 169

hygiene, using dirty words and slacking on homework. Sometimes they would interfere with class, andmake it clear that they were simply not interested in studying.The teachers were struggling too. They had lost their families, their children, their best students. Theywould automatically compare the present classes with past ones and feel disappointed, unable to reallycare for the misbehaving children.The students were the focus of so much love and attention after the earthquake. The whole society, andeven their own parents, indulged them. The only hope these parents had was for their children to bealive. The teachers understood this, but such indulgence was very unhealthy for the children’s long-term development. To cultivate the right learning and living habits, as well as gratitude in the students,was a tricky problem. And the school needed to solve it.Before the earthquake, the quality of education of Yingxiu Primary School always ranked first or secondin Wenchuan County. Of course, now, as the school was resuming after the disaster, was not the time totalk about ‘hard indicators’ like exam results. The teachers were changing their ways of teaching andtrying to care for, and adapt to, the students. But, there also had to be a point when the teachers andstudents finished re-adjusting and adapting, and restarted.In the second semester, to prevent the quality of education from degenerating, the school conductedstrict evaluations of the teachers. According to requirements from the upper levels, they also furtherimproved the school regulations in different aspects, placed higher demands on the teachers and triedto inspire them in different ways. After a period of adjustment, the teachers gradually accepted theirstudents, and the results of their teaching improved.In the behavior of the teachers and students, Dong perceived a clear difference between the first andsecond semesters after the school reopened in 2008. It was obvious that, unlike during the first semester,the teachers were putting teaching first. In the past semester, many teachers simply wanted to finishtheir teaching tasks, and cared little about the students’ progress. But in the second semester, they beganto pay more attention to the students’ performance, and made frequent home visits to the students’families to seek cooperation from the parents.But while things were improving inside the school, disturbance from the outside world was a problem.In the second semester, as the anniversary of the earthquake approached, journalists came to the schoolto hold benefaction events. Such events affected the normal functioning of the school. Sometimes theteachers and students were summoned to the exercise ground to receive donations in the middle of aclass.Indeed, for the whole year, post-earthquake charity events and social welfare activities organized bygroups and individuals never stopped. To those teachers and parents who complained that too manyevents would interfere with the children’s learning, Tan replied: “The campus atmosphere will be deadwithout such activities. Without them, when can the children start to laugh again?”And it was true that such activities, to some extent, helped the children heal and taught them to begrateful. “Now, our children are all very upbeat,” said the teachers. But although the children had beenlearning about gratitude, as more and more donations poured in, the students were felt tired and numb. Page | 170

The continual disruption also made the teachers worry about meeting the goals that had been set. As forDong, he would also become upset when his class was interrupted or when he had to miss a class dueto other arrangements. Although he hosted most of the donation events school, and viewed them moremagnanimously than other teachers, he never stopped worrying about the disturbance such activitiescaused to teaching. He would urge the teachers to “improve their teaching” while also trying to makesure they were relaxed and comfortable: “We know you’ve tried your best and we appreciate that.”But as well as helping the teachers and children to overcome their psychological barriers, Dong alsofaced more practical problems to teaching after the earthquake. Eight children had been disabled by theearthquake but, on their return, it was apparent that the school didn’t have adequate facilities. They hadto do everything from scratch—turning the stairs into ramps and remodeling the washrooms.The return of these disabled students also brought new hope to the school. Now, the non-disabledstudents would volunteer to help their disabled classmates. This would help push their wheelchairs andbring meals to them. In this way, the children learned that happiness could be found in helping others.Difficulties do not last long. When there is hope, there is a future.Dong did his best to do what was needed of him in the moment. “I don’t want to purposefully pursueanything,” he explained. “Our teachers are also very kind and conscientious, and they would do theirjobs well. It’s hard for them. Many of them have lost their family members, but they still came back tothese children. It’s really not an easy thing to do.”A year after the disaster, ‘earthquake’ was no longer a taboo word in Dong’s class. In an oralcommunication class, he told the students everything that he had experienced in the earthquake. “Boththe students and I are able to face it calmly now.”Having shared the same experience, Dong knew very well the effect the disaster might have on thechildren who had survived. And he knew how to face and solve problems now. Because life had tocontinue, and he had to approach it with positivity.***There, on the exercise ground, Yingxiu Primary School’s art competition was concluding. More than100 children held up their work to face the teachers: some painted their imaginary new school, somepainted the prosperous tomorrow of Yingxiu Town, and some children drew the lost teachers theymissed so much.From the bottoms of their hearts, the teachers hoped that the children would spread their wings andreach their dreams.Stand up where you fallAfter the earthquake, Dong spent most of his time traveling on business or busy with work at the school.It left little time for his family. His father had wanted to talk to him, but the two were rarely together.One day, in October 2008, Dong finally found the chance to spend time with his father and, after dinner, Page | 171

the two of them talked over a drink.Before the earthquake, Dong’s father had never seen Dong as an adult. But now he knew what his sonhad been through, and what he had done, this had changed.In Dong’s eyes, his father had also changed tremendously. Short-tempered, his father would neveraccept blame or accusations. He would not tolerate anyone pointing out his weakness (how could hehave weakness? He had worked so diligently all his life!). But now Dong could persuade his father thatthere were things about himself that he could change.In 2009, during the New Year, Dong should have stayed in Dujiangyan City to keep his father company.But when he thought of his parents-in-law, who had lost their daughter, and especially his mother-in-law, who had been so ill, his heart ached. Instead, his requested his father’s permission to go toWenchuan County to spend the New Year with them, promising that the following year he would staywith him.But on 14 July, Dong’s father—who had always been such a healthy man—was diagnosed with cancer.Was his sickness because of the lack of companionship from his son, or his own loss of hope for thefuture? Dong had an ill premonition and set out for the hospital. His father texted him: “Son, it’s alright.No need to come to see me. I’m feeling pretty good.”How could he be ‘pretty good’? He had been hospitalized. How could Dong not go to see him?As soon as he arrived at the hospital, Dong immediately went to the CT scan room. The doctor was 99%certain it was terminal lung cancer, but Dong refused to give up. How could such a kind, and diligentman have such a disease? He took the CT images to an expert in Chengdu Second People’s Hospital.Here he was told that, based on the scans, the likelihood of it being lung cancer was over 90%. Ondiscovering that Beijing PLA 307 Hospital was well experienced in treating such diseases, he took hisfather there. Here they spent two weeks learning about the pathogeny, symptoms and treatments for thisdisease. Then, Dong took his father back to Chengdu to receive treatment.As he watched his father grow visibly older, day by day, Dong felt indescribably bitter. He blamedhimself for doing so little as a son. Ever since the earthquake, he had barely been home to spend timewith his father. Occasionally he would pass by on a business trip but he would only stay a short while,not even long enough for a meal. All this time, his younger sister had looked after the old man.His younger sister had matured a lot since the earthquake, and Dong trusted her. But she was living adifficult life herself. Before the disaster, she had worked in a supermarket in Dujiangyan City but thebuilding was torn down. Having lost her job, she opened a small grocery store in the temporary shelterto earn the living for the family. Her husband had two jobs and worked hard every day. All this painedDong, and he would sometimes press his sister and niece to accept some money, saying that this wasall he could do for them.After school resumed, Dong was all the more tired. “Others may be under the misapprehension thatheavy workload can keep us from thinking about anything else, while in fact, I feel even more exhaustedfrom such compound pressure.” He felt barely able to breath under such a heavy burden of work, and Page | 172

he began to worry about whether he could carry on.His father comforted him: “Try to take things easy and stand firm. You’re different from before, both inthe family and at school. The priority is to stay healthy and positive. And you also need to… get married.Find someone to take care of you as soon as possible.”His father’s meaning was in the last sentence. “Get married?” His father’s straightforwardness shockedDong. But he knew that it was what his whole family wished. To recreate the lovely family that he hadonce had was the biggest challenge for Dong after the earthquake. “I felt like the past 30 years of mylife had been a dream, and the earthquake had broken the illusion. How else could I have lost everythingin a second?”If it were not for the earthquake, Dong imagined, he might not retire when his son went to college.Perhaps he would have a grandson, who he could bring to roam free along and hills and valleys ofYingxiu. They would sit on a bench and enjoy the green mountains and roaring of Minjiang River…What a warm and peaceful scene of family love!And, after retirement, he would take his wife to travel the country. They would drink and eat simply,and life would be filled with the poetic views of running rivers, traveling stars, colorful skies and settingsuns…But, earthquake destroyed it all. The 35-year-old man was homeless and directionless, without his wifeand without a dream. How could he start again? Dong was confused.It is often said that people must be settled before they can make a living. Penniless and without a home,Dong often told others: “For me, home can be anywhere now. If I’m fed, then no one is hungry in myfamily.” But deep in his heart, he always wanted a family. He dreamed of owning a house in Yingxiu,managed by a wife. And there would be a child, too… Only such a life could be called consummate.The thought of a child would make him cry. Dong dreamed often of his own child that he had lost. Oncenight he dreamt that he was walking alone along a road when he happened to find his son. The boy wasabout five or six years old. Incredulous, Dong held the child in his arms and walked back home. On theway, the boy said nothing. The home that they arrived at in the dream was not like his real home. Instead,it had a strange little courtyard, and Dong’s father was watering the flowers in the yard. Dong took thechild to his father: “I found your grandson.” And then he cried in the dream until he awoke crying.Dong comforted himself: “Don’t think too much. Just live each day as it is. Many children are lost, butI’m now living a pretty good life, aren’t I? It’ll all turn out OK, eventually. The school buildings arealmost built. In the future, I’ll be able to buy myself an apartment and a car. I should make a wonderfulplan, so that I can live in hope.”Dong wondered why he had such dreams. Perhaps he longed for a child. Perhaps a child was theembodiment of his hope. But when would such hope emerge?Alongside his troubled private life, Dong’s work was ever more challenging. At the start of the newsemester in 2009, he took on yet another role—vice principal of Yingxiu Primary School. Page | 173

“It’s not an easy position,” Dong’s eldest brother told him. “You need to coordinate all kinds ofrelationships, both with the upper and with the lower levels.” His brother knew that Dong was hadstrong views on many things and, as a straightforward man, would voice these opinions outright. Assuch, he was afraid that Dong might offend both his supervisors and his subordinates. Dong understoodhis brother’s concern and admitted he had given the matter little thought in that regard.Troubled by the unceasing exhaustion and pressure from work, Dong began to question himself: “AmI taking it too seriously?”It was a worry that was not unfamiliar to Dong. When he had started working in Yingxiu, he taught artclasses and was responsible for the school’s publicity. Each semester, he would put together severaldisplays as part of the school’s showcases. Dong would spend a huge amount of time—and lose severalpounds—over each display. And he did it all in his spare time. The finished product was alwaysdeliberate and exquisite.One year there was a showcase in celebration of Children’s Day. As was usual, the day before the event,Dong went to put the finished display boards up. But as he did, he saw that he had made a mistake: theboards were too big to put in the display cases. It was then less than 12 hours before the event. Dongwiped away his tears and worked overnight to recreate the displays. The new boards were in placebefore the students arrived at school the next day.For almost 10 years, Dong created these displays all by himself. In 2006, he finally decided to handoverthe task to the two new art teachers. But although it was no longer his responsible, Dong continued toworry about the displays. Would they take as much care over them as he would? The teachers knewwhat Dong was thinking and often asked for his guidance, upon which Dong would examine their workand offer suggestions. Had he let it go at all? Sometime later he made the decision to leave everythingto the new teachers. Though, by his high standards, their work was far from perfect, they wereimproving.Dong reflected: was he too much a perfectionist sometimes?After the earthquake, his perfectionism changed fundamentally. In the past, when students wrotecharacters incorrectly, Dong would make them rectify every single error. If the homework was messy,he would ask the student to redo it. But now, provided the students did not make mistakes in theirhomework that were related to class content, Dong no longer minded. This was a change, an adjustment.After the disaster, Dong also discovered how he dealt with stress: by working tirelessly and drinkingwith colleagues at the end of the day. And, unknown to anyone else, he would cry in the middle of thenight.Yes, cry.Crying was, for Dong, a release. Sometimes, as he sat, thinking, on the sofa, tears would come to hiseyes.On his mother’s birthday, when Dong accompanied his father to the hospital for treatment, he visitedhis mother’s tomb to pay his respects. When he returned home, he began to wail. He thought of many Page | 174

things as he cried: “My family are gone. My dad is terminally ill. And my personal life is non-existent…”After he calmed down, Dong would be in a much better mood. He would feel much less repressed,irritable and confused, his pain less acute.Though dulled, the pain of longing was deeply ingrained, and it would be a long time before it wouldheal. And while keeping himself busy with work helped Dong to temper his emotions, when hisworkload became too great, he still felt like breaking down. He soon found a new method of stressmanagement: watching movies. Old movies and new movies, he watched them over and over, helpinghim forget, just for a while.Above all, friendship became one of the best ways to relieve his stress. Dong was grateful that his bestfriends— such as Tang Yongzhong, Su Chenggang and Liu Zhongneng—were always with him andwilling to listen to and talk with him when he felt at his most helpless. As well as his friends fromYingxiu Primary School, Dong had also made friends with many journalists during his travels acrossthe country. Their friendship offered Dong something different. His friends from Yingxiu would relateto him, encouraging him to do his job well, to improve himself and to walk past the shadow of thedisaster. Conversations with his journalist friends reminded Dong of how much more there still was tolearn. Inspired, he began to read extensively in his spare time, which fast became another way to relievestress.“Real friends should have a guiding influence on your life. They can give you much needed help whenyou’re in trouble.”Dong felt lucky that he had such friends, but he also knew that for a long time he was responsible forhis own recovery. A year on from the earthquake, between conversations with others and self-reflection,Dong developed a new understanding of life.Before the earthquake, Dong’s knowledge of natural disaster was limited to what he had seen on TV orheard on the radio. He always thought that disasters were things that happened far away, and that hislife would always be comfortable. But the earthquake made him realize how insignificant and helplesshumans are against the power of nature. Human life is both strong and fragile, and people must not fightagainst nature but rather should always be in awe and grateful.In the past, Dong regarded himself as a materialistic man. But now, and particularly after his fatherbecame ill, he cared less and less about money. When he went to Beijing with his father, he saw manypatients in the hospital with the same kind of cancer. Some of them had spent over a million yuan ontreatment, to no avail. They knew an old lady whose son had saved up 10 million yuan to pay for hercancer treatment, but she passed away, spending only 1.24 million yuan. “No money can buy humanlife. Can money ever compare to living?” Dong realized that it was enough to be grateful just for beingalive; being rich did not matter.Between June and August 2008, when Dong was on the speaking tour, he received both material andpsychological help from kind-hearted people from all walks of life. At the time, he felt that he shouldnot wear the label of ‘earthquake hero’ or ‘disaster refugee’ forever. When a child falls down, the adultcan come to help. But once the child has stood up, he must walk on his own. Dong had to walk his ownpath by himself. Page | 175

He once discussed this issue with the director of the Civil Affairs Bureau in Beichuan County. Dongtold him that many people in the disaster-affected areas regarded themselves ‘refugees’, and took it forgranted that they should receive help from both country and society. It was no good. True, the countrywas prosperous and policy favored those in need so people could get the help they wanted. But what ifthe country couldn’t help? Some teachers had the same idea: “Immediately after the disaster, we were penniless and indeed refugees in need of others’ help. But when disaster has passed, we were no longer refugees. We teachers have monthly salaries as source of income, and we can solve problems on our own and make our own lives better. Of course, many people would disagree. They may think we’re homeless and without a family. But things will ultimately get better, and we should not wallow in the refugee mentality.”In Dong’s opinion, the refugee status bred greed and sloth: “When a person first receives donation, he is surely full of gratitude. But as donations become frequent and regular, he will grow numb and gradually start to ask for donations. Not only that, he will also compare what he has got with others and feel resentful when he gets less, while in fact, those things are insignificant to his life. Greed comes with comparison and preference for a free ride. The combination of these qualities is detrimental to a person’s ability to shape their own life. Moreover, once such donations cease, they will undoubtedly feel at a loss, because they have already formed the habit of asking for things.”Dong strongly believed that people should rely on themselves to rebuild their lives, and that they shouldstand up where they had once fallen.A year after the earthquake, Dong did just this and finally found the courage to put two new photoframes beside his desk in the dorm. In one photo, his wife, wearing a white dress, was still young. Shewas standing by a tree and looking at him gently. In the other photo, Dong was holding up the Olympictorch, smiling freely, and running like wind.Reborn out of sufferingIn the 14 months between May 2008 and July 2009, Yingxiu Primary School completed two semesters.It was a most special year for this school, because so many lives had been so changed by the earthquake.As soon as Su had acquainted himself with his new teaching and administrative tasks, he was facedwith another challenge: to complete a research project. The project was the development and applicationof school-based textbooks, and had originally begun in 2005. It was primarily about the developmentof local school textbooks, and required the teachers to compile the content and teach by themselves.Before the earthquake, the project was near conclusion, and the teaching contest, in which Dong’s wifeTang won second place, had been held.But the earthquake destroyed everything: more than 100 lesson plans and articles, more than 40 sets ofclassroom materials, as well as the evaluations and comments, were all gone.Between 2005 and the earthquake, what had the school’s educational research office done regarding Page | 176

this project? What had they done after the earthquake then? To write the concluding report, Su gatheredvarious materials from the Education Bureau. Yan Xiaowen from the Educational Research Office ofthe Bureau had been stationed in Yingxiu Primary School since the earthquake to provide support (heoften said, half-jokingly, that he was there as Dong’s assistant to help Dong and Su with their work). Inthose days, Su had needed a lot of help from Yan. He tried to write up the report by himself, but falteredon the first draft. Too many supporting details were missing. Feeling lost, he asked Dong how he hadconducted the project, went to Yan to get all the periodical reports that Yingxiu Primary School hadsubmitted since the research project launch, and approached those teachers who had taught exemplaryclasses.During the day, Su did his usual teaching and administrative work. At night, he stayed in the dorm andworked on the project report. He adjusted to this new pace of work.“Let it go. Just do something and forget about others,” Su told himself. And, after another month, Suhad finished the document.The leaders in the Bureau were impressed with the report. They commented that Su had accomplisheda ‘mission impossible’ in the shortest time. After careful reading, they suggested Su split the report intotwo: one work report and one project conclusion report. Being so well acquainted with the material afterall his searching, digesting and writing, Su accomplished the task with ease. It also gave him the chanceto become even more familiar with the efforts of those teachers who already passed away. He wasmoved by all they had contributed.Soon, the two reports were ready and were presented to the prefecture’s Education Bureau. The leaderspraised Su’s work again and suggested that he participate in a provincial research project competition.Su agreed. He was not concerned with winning. No, what he really cared about was that the competitionwould encourage him to learn and grow. He had felt such growth in the work he had just recentlyaccomplished.It was now the second semester after the earthquake. Su began to teach the art classes to grades four,five, and six. He had only six classes to teach, and as he had too much work in the teaching affairs office,he was not assigned to substitute other teachers to teach classes. The school’s principal was wise andsaw where people’s strengths were. He believed that Su could restore order to the school’s teachingaffairs.From then on, with all the knowledge he acquired in counseling training, Su began helping the childrenovercome their psychological trauma. Incorporating this into his teaching, his art classes werefundamentally different to those taught by other teachers. In his class, the students did not need to standup and greet him as he entered the classroom. The first thing he would say was: “I feel happy today.How about you?” to affect every single student with positivity. It was not long before the children wouldsay, “Sir, we feel very happy today,” the moment they saw him.Under the influence of such positive emotions, and even though Su was not an art major, the childrengrew fond of his classes. He would use the five minutes before class to tell interesting short stories tothe children. Some stories were inspiring, others were funny—anything that was useful to the students.He would ask: “Do you want to hear such stories?” To which the children always answered excitedly Page | 177

in a long, drawn-out voice: “Yes we do.” Sometimes he would share with the children stories of his ownpast too.Often, though, Su felt more like an ‘observer’ than a teacher. He liked to assign a topic and allow thechildren to draw on their own, while he watched what they drew. The children’s state of mind, Suobserved, was reflected in their choice of color. Those students who could not shed the heaviness inthemselves drew perfunctorily in heavy colors. Su would talk with these students once class had ended.After a semester’s effort, the children all took to drawing. Even those students who had disliked drawingwould ask Su: “Mr. Su, please give me a piece of paper. I’m going to draw something tonight and showyou tomorrow. How does that sound?”It was during that same semester that Shanghai Erlian Primary School organized a student art exhibition.The event involved seven schools from four countries. They also sent invitation to Yingxiu PrimarySchool, their ‘hand-in-hand’ project partner. At the same time, Yingxiu Primary School, as the“friendship unit” of Shanghai PanAsia Group, was invited by PanAsia Group to participate in the postersolicitation for the 2010 World Expo titled ‘Draw my beautiful city’. Su incorporated the theme of citiesinto his teaching plan.“Look around yourselves,” Su told the children. “How has Yingxiu changed after the earthquake? Somany aunts and uncles care about you. What do you hope Yingxiu will look like in the future? What doyou hope your home will look like? Or, how do you feel?” Su gave the children freedom to draw whatthey wanted.Later, when Su exhibited the children’s drawings at Shanghai Erlian Primary School and PanAsia Group,they were well-received, many winning awards. The organizing committee of the World Expo evencalled Su and asked if they could use the drawing by grade six student Ma Jie as a World Expo poster.What a powerful affirmation of the post-disaster growth of the children!Watching the children’s imaginary worlds becoming colorful once again, Su was pleased from thebottom of his heart. If the children could draw with confidence, smile and hope, they would be able toexpress their inner worlds. They needed such expression. And, gradually, it also helped Su to emergefrom out of the shadow of his own pain.***Not long after the earthquake, Su sent a team of students to Rizhao City, Shandong. Before the departure,the Education Bureau told him: “Make sure the children are properly settled. Collect all the materialsand details about how they take care of the children, so that we can report back to their parents.”The moment Su arrived in Rizhao, he was deeply moved. The living conditions for the students wereexcellent: a wall-hung TV, wooden floors, soap and toiletries. They were accompanied by volunteers—mothers in families of the local company staff who had been specially selected to take care of thedisaster-affected children. Su felt so grateful for such considerate arrangements. Watching the sunriseover the shore of Rizhao, Su smiled his first smile since the earthquake. The red sun rose from the edgeof the sea. At first, it looked as though it was struggling to rise, bumping up in fits. Finally, it brokethrough the clouds and leapt up from the surface of the sea. All at once, this dark red sphere gave out a Page | 178

blinding light, flooding the surrounding clouds, and Su’s face, with color.True, the Creator allows suffering to exist. But she also spreads blessings among human beings. It is sooften, though, all we see is the darkness, the imperfections and the things that are lacking, ignoring thegifts of sunlight, rainfall, soil and air. We are so infrequently reminded of the vastness of the world andthe precious existence of the sun and the moon.Facing the sea, Su’s heart began to thaw.***Later, during the psychological counseling trainings, Su learned acceptance. Like Dong and Liu, Suwas deeply influenced by the class taught by Kelsang Tsering from Sichuan University. It was duringthe training that Su realized that, although he had few friends, there were many who cared for him.Through giving and accepting, he absorbed the positive energy from those around him and turned itinto momentum for growth. In the beginning, he took on all the approaches that he learned. Butgradually he came to see that, while each opinion had its own merits, it might not be right for him. So,how to find the approach best suited to him? He had to feel his way, keeping an open mind and acceptingall that was offered.Su did not take notes when he attended the counseling training. For him, when someone talked about‘point A’, he would be engaged in understanding point A. If he was busy taking notes, when the otherperson went on to talk about ‘point B’, he would miss the chance to be fully engaged with the secondpoint. In his opinion, when the speaker and listener were on the same page, the listener would get atleast 60% of what the speaker said and remember it. On the contrary, if the listener spent their timetaking notes, they might only absorb 30% of the content, and would have to refer to their notes whentrying to recall something. Su felt it was a very inefficient way of learning.Once, while attending another training at Sichuan National University, Su met an American teacher.The teacher had had both arms amputated as the result of a work accident. He wore prosthetic limbs,and he talked about his experiences and psychological development. When he talked of pain, his facialexpression at once became painful. But when he spoke of how he had grown from his experiences, hisexpression relaxed. The teacher beautifully affected those listening with his lived experience. Su wasdeeply impressed, and began to understand how the synchrony between the speaker and the listenercould produce unexpected results.The day after the training, the first group of students from Sichuan Shuangliu Tanghu Secondary Schoolwho had been staying temporarily in Rizhao returned. The counselor in Tanghu Secondary Schoolinvited Su and the American teacher to share their experiences with the students. Spending more timewith the American teacher helped Su learn much more. During the session they conducted together, Subegan to pay attention to his own facial expressions. He compared them privately and observed thechildren’s reactions. And he started to change.When Tanghu Secondary School invited Su to speak to its students for a second time, Su realized thathis emotional investment and interactive feedback really did work to convey experiences to his audience.The trainings had taught him how to accept and reflect on himself so that he could be aware of the Page | 179

changes happening in him. Self-reflection had also helped Su get over the darkness of the disaster. Whatshould he do from tomorrow? Su knew; his new growth afforded him an answer. He started to try toinfluence and change those around him with his new understanding. But although he helped the students’psychological recovery, he could do very little to help his best friend, Liu. He could only hope that, likehimself, Liu could soon walk out of the mire.Another significant change in Su’s life was that he now spent much more time learning and reading.Before the earthquake, he mostly read for fun, without a clear purpose. Sometimes he would readsomething that interested him, other times he might not touch a book for several months. He neverthought deeply about or summarized what he had read. Now, he craved books. He finished at least one,and sometimes four books each month. And he would read a book again and again to truly absorb itscontent book.Su filled his mind with knowledge. He used what he learned through reading to influence the children.Books such as Wisdom of The Scroll Marked and Mindset Determines fascinated him. Especially inMindset Determines, there were many stories about surviving extreme adversities. Su told those stories,bit by bit, to the students, who were all eager to hear the wisdom that textbooks could never offer.One particular sentiment in Mindset Determines affected Su deeply: “The past is but beautiful memories.Only I am alive and real with a future full of hope, so we should live right here, right now.” True, lifeis most real only when it is lived in the present moment. We should not forget about the beautiful pastbut we must keep moving forward. Su told the students: “Don’t take the earthquake as a disaster. I’llsay, if anything, it can become the biggest treasure of your life.” “When the gift of suffering is willingly accepted by us, the experience of disaster will enrich our lives. When suffering first came, it was shrouded in bitterness and pain and repelled us. But when we face up to it, bear it and finally walk past it, our characters and values will be transformed, our life goals adjusted, and our strength and passion renewed and activated. Perhaps this is the new life brought by suffering. Because of suffering, our lives are reshaped.”This was how Su understood things, and how he now lived.The changes in Su influenced and impressed those around him. His colleagues thought that what he hadachieved was extraordinary, and the children were truly fond of him. Students from both lower andhigher grades would ask: “Mr. Su, when will you teach us again?” But it was the changes that Su sawin them that touched Su and made him feel what he did was worthy.Reshaped by suffering, Su began to cultivate a new dream. He would use what he had learned to helpthe students. Making use of his experiences, he would become a real psychological counselor. He hadseen just how critical psychological work was in helping people to solve their own problems. He knewthat training would be a hard process, but he would try and would not give up.His new outlook also helped him better understand other happenings in his life. His father was givenjust two more years to live by the doctor, and Su’s mother said: “Now that your father is this sick, I’mno longer angry or anxious. I just want him to live well, eat well. I’ll take good care of him, howeverlong he lives.” Sometimes when Su was at home, his father would have mood swings and say: Page | 180

“Whatever. I’m done.” In such moments, Su would say to his father: “Think about those who died inthe earthquake. They had nothing. But you can still eat, watch TV, and be with us now. What do youfear?”The sun still rises every day. The seasons still change in order. Living things still grow vigorously. We’restill alive. We can see beautiful views, hear laughter and feel moved… We’re alive and together, sowhat do we fear?Where new life springsIt was 2009. And as the days passed by, Spring Festival soon came to Yingxiu. It was supposed to be alively time of year, but Liu felt uncomfortable. His small but happy family had gone, and he was leftalone to witness the passage of the year. He believed he had good reason to feel depressed; why shouldhe feel otherwise?The principal, Tan, and his friends, Dong and Su, were all worried about Liu. They decided that Dong,Liu and Su, along with a social worker and one other colleague, would travel during the Spring Festivalholidays. The hoped that time outside would revitalize them, and remind them of the world that wasfull of passion and color. As Liu prepared to board the train and leave this land of heartbreak, hesuddenly felt relieved. His wish to escape had been granted.They stayed in a youth hostel in Yunnan Province, where, every evening, travelers would get togetherin the bar. Drinking alcohol or coffee, whether friends or strangers, they would chat to pass the time.Everyone looked relaxed and carefree. Many travelers would also be looking for company for the nextday’s trip. “When you were simply sitting there, people would go up to you and ask where you wereheading the next day and if you could join them to rent a car.” Trust and attention from strangers madeLiu forget, briefly, that he was a disaster refugee.But on the way to Lijiang City, Liu caught a nasty cold. Not wanting to disappoint the others, he forcedhimself to walk on. But before long, he was unable to continue. He fell sick, as though all that pretendedtoughness after the earthquake had finally fallen apart too.Dong and Su were scared by Liu’s illness. They took him to a hospital in a nearby town where Liu wasput on a drip. But it did little to ease his pain and fatigue. Incessant coughing made it hard for Liu tobreath and his high fever would not go away. Liu’s lips were cracked, his face red and hot, and his bodyin fits of cold. Getting ill at a high altitude was not something to take lightly, so Dong and the otherssent Liu overnight to Lijiang First People’s Hospital.In those few days, the three men did not go anywhere but stayed in the hospital to keep each othercompany. Speaking of this time much later, Liu uses the word ‘touched’ often. And who would not betouched? His friends took care of him and kept him company for days. Even when he had to be put ona drip for a whole night, they would stay beside him. They found all kinds of delicious local food in thehope that Liu would eat some. They encouraged Liu like you would a small child, saying that if he ate,he would have the strength to fight with the cold. They gathered jokes to tell him—and though thelaughing often ended in coughing, Liu’s positive mood contributed greatly to his recovery. Finally, with Page | 181

treatment and under the care of his friends, Liu was better. The good friends held hands and felt, onceagain, the strength of their deep and unshakable brotherhood.During the next trip to Dali City, Yunnan, they had their first night out since the earthquake. When Dongwas on the speaking tour, he had got to know the division commander of a troop stationed in Dali. Whenthey arrived in the city that night, the commander invited them to visit their camp and stay for dinner.They drank Chinese liquor, wine and beer, and when they reached their hotel, Su was utterly drunk. Hesank into his bed and fell asleep immediately. The others took photographs of each other, striking sillyposes.The hotel attendant warned them three times that they were disturbing other guests, but they were fartoo drunk to take notice. They had pretended to be strong for so long, keeping their pain to themselves.After so much time and such self-constraint they desperately needed an outlet. Allow them this release!Once they sobered up, they might finally be able to return to reality, and smile at both light and darkness.The next day, when Liu woke, he began to question how he could let himself sink deeper and deeperinto the shadows of the earthquake and not get out. After all, those who were gone, were gone. Theliving must continue their journeys. And those journeys had to be traveled by them and them alone,smiling.After the trip, Liu attended another to another counseling program at a university in Zhuhai City. Witha refreshed state of mind, Liu found it much easier to be accepting and could finally face himself. Thetraining was much more than lecturing; rather, the trainer and participants sat in a circle on the exerciseground, playing games, telling stories, listening to music, having fun and talking aloud…Liu could finally look at the pictures and belongings of his lost family, which he had locked up in adrawer. He could finally browse photographs online, and talk about his wife and his son with others. Atnight, he no longer burst out crying. He let go of all the fantasies he had clung to, he let go of his guiltfor failing to rescue his son in time. He could see clearly now that he had tried his best to save all thathe could. As a father and husband, he had been with them on their last journey, when he buried themon the hill with his own hands. No matter how much time passed, he would always love them like before,and they would always be irreplaceable. They would forever be in his heart. His parents-in-law wouldalways be his parents-in-law, and he would make sure he took good care of them now.Liu started again. He found that, grown man as he was, he was fragile. This was why it had taken himso long to leave the past behind. As a child, he had enjoyed such attention and indulgences. Even whenLiu started working, his parents and other family members would settle any problems he faced. Afterthe disaster, all his family members were concerned about him and though Liu never called him, theywould often phone to see how he was. His father would call to ask after him, whether he was busy atwork, whether he had time to come home, and was always careful not to mention those who had passedaway. Liu’s nieces, too, were understanding. They also called Liu, their third uncle, to ask about whatwas happening in the school and when he could come to visit them. His other niece, at school inChangchun City, Jilin Province would also phone for long chats.Above all, his mother had the deepest care for him. After each phone call, she would cry for a longtime—though she never let her sadness show when they spoke. She would simply remind Liu to drinkless, work hard and visit home often. Worried that her son would be trapped by grief, she hid her Page | 182

concerns, and did all that she could for him: cooking for him, buying new clothes for him, showeringhim with affection…Liu’s parents-in-law were much more open-minded about things. Though they had lost their mostbeloved daughter, and though Liu might never understand how much pain they felt, the couple werestill careful not to open Liu’s wounds. His father-in-law always comforted him: “It’s not your fault thatthey’re gone. They’re not coming back, so you should do what you must do now. You must live on. Andyou’ll always be my son-in-law.” Whenever they spoke on the phone, his wife’s father would remindhim to smoke and drink less. But each time Liu visited him, he would have prepared cigarettes, liquorand meal. Later, when Liu gave up drinking but was still smoking, his father-in-law would keep thecigarettes for him. Kong’s aunts also called Liu regularly, asking him to visit them in Chengdu and,when they saw him, bringing him all kinds of necessities. “You work so hard in Yingxiu,” they wouldsay. “Let’s go out and eat something nice. We’ll buy you some good clothes and shoes…” Such love,made Liu feel like a child. With the indulgence of his family, he could take his time to wallow in grief.He could afford not to pull himself together.But now, Liu realised that he owed it to those that cared for him and helped him to live on and live onwell. “It’s hard enough to be alive. Really. So now that I’m alive, I’m going to live a good life and neverabandon myself.”On the anniversary of the earthquake, Liu’s parents visited him in Yingxiu. Together, they went to thehill to visit the graves of Liu’s wife and son. Standing in front of the headstones, Liu’s mother was intears. But when she left, she said told Liu the same thing she always did: “Control your drinking andwork hard.” Liu’s parents were farmers and had no tendency for superfluous language.Now that Liu could finally face his past and what he had lost calmly, he could also open his heart to hisconcerned family members. He could now say the things that he had been holding back and do thethings that he had been avoiding. When he returned to his parents’ home, he could smile, play with thechildren and visit other relatives. “Don’t worry about me,” Liu told his parents. “I’m going to take careof myself and live my life well.”Of course, he would always remember the past, but Liu had courage enough to look forward to a newlife. He could allow himself to start a new family after the anniversary as he promised. He had theresponsibility of continuing his family line. Though if he remarried, he would explain to his partner thatKong’s parents would always be his parents-in-law.After the earthquake, many people had tried to set Liu up on various dates—his parents-in-lawincluded—but Liu never agreed. After the one-year anniversary of the disaster, Liu felt more open tothe idea of matchmaking now. He knew that Kong and Liu Xusiyu would never be replaced in his heart.Nor would he compare the old and new; he was just going to build a life from scratch, in a differenttime, with different people.Those around him—his friends, students, supervisors and family—were all delighted by Liu’stransformation. They started to expect even bigger changes for him Liu, perhaps even starting a newfamily. Liu had to have a family. He could not make it alone and live as a single all his life. If his wifeand son knew, they would also want him to live a happy life too, and not a lonely one. Page | 183

But although he told himself to bravely embrace the prospect of a new family, it took Liu a long timeto act. Liu’s father-in-law expressed his concern: “You should start a relationship with someone. Wefully support you.” His words warmed Liu’s heart. He would do something.After the anniversary of the disaster, Liu’s father came to Yingxiu from Shuimo to live to him. It seemedthat he had nothing much to do there, other than to keep his son company. One day, Liu’s sister-in-lawtold him secretively: “I want to introduce someone to you. Would you meet her?”“Where’s she from?” Having decided to do this, Liu wanted to do it carefully.“Shuimo,” answered the sister-in-law.Liu frowned. “I’ve been planning to do this. It’s just that I haven’t adjusted myself completely to be ableto meet others, let alone getting to know others or starting a relationship. Give me some more time.”Suddenly his father said casually: “You’ve taken quite a bit of time. You can try and meet her.”To Liu, his father’s words told him that he wanted his son to truly leave the past behind and be happyagain. It was a father’s simple and natural wish. And with such love, Liu was finally able to move on.***Ever since the earthquake, Liu had been impressed by how society had so powerfully helped him aftersuch a devastating disaster. Of course, there was no single isolated factor, but without external guidance,he would have traveled many wrong paths. Not long after the earthquake, Liu attended a psychologicalcounseling course organized by the school. But after merely the first session, he was repelled. On thecontrary, he loved to communicate with the social workers and journalists, because when there wassomething he preferred not to talk about, they would not press him. They simply listened to andcomforted him like friends, and that made him feel pleasantly at ease.There was one young male journalist from Educational TV. He came from the northeast China.Somehow he had heard that Liu could not fall asleep without the help of alcohol. One day he came tosee Liu. After greetings and introductions, he took a bottle of liquor from his bag. He said that theywere buddies, and that they should drink and chat together. “I know what you’ve been through,” he said“but I don’t know how you’re feeling now.” Without waiting for Liu’s answer, the young man began totalk about his past, what he had experienced and the adversities he had come up against growing up. Hedid not ask how Liu was feeling once in the entire night.The next evening, the journalist returned, and handed Liu another bottle. The two started to drink andchat again. Only then did he ask Liu: “Do you still feel that they are here?” Encouraged by the man’scandor the previous night, Liu replied: “Yeah. Even now I feel that they haven’t left yet. I feel they willcome back.”“Mr. Liu, this won’t work. It’s only a shadow of the earthquake. You have to walk out of it,” said thejournalist. He tried to persuade Liu to look at his old photographs but Liu said: “Better not. It’s still toomuch for me.” Page | 184

“These things are all facts now—facts that you have to face,” the journalist went on, and he told Liumany more stories, all of which revolved around one theme: how to be born again after a disaster.Their friendship did not end with the interview. Later, the journalist would still call or text Liu fromtime to time: “Mr. Liu, how are you? Do you feel better now? Are you busy at work? How are thestudents? Perhaps you should consider looking for a girlfriend? Do let me know if you have foundsomeone.”Liu had harbored misunderstandings about social workers in the beginning. Not long after theearthquake, social workers from Guangzhou and Hong Kong came to the school. Liu did not know whata social worker was but overheard them talking about life philosophies. He told Su: “Here they comeagain, talking about these big life lessons, which we don’t buy at all.” Only when the social workerswere preparing to leave did they tell Liu: “We’re not here for psychological counseling. You’vemisunderstood us.”Liu liked activities when everybody sat together and talked. At the training at Sichuan University, thelecturer, Kelsang, did not talk about the earthquake at all but instead, he used his own life as an exampleto assist in the participants’ psychological recovery.Of course, it was not Liu’s intention to defy the theories and experience of the experts. He merelybelieved that psychological counseling should be individually tailored. People attending the samesession might have totally different backgrounds, beliefs and reactions. Such differences might causeconflict. In fact, Liu’s feelings were such: “His family is okay. Look, he’s so active in class, he’s jokingabout us, and…” In fact it was not true, but people who seemed to have fun in class did unintentionallyhurt those in pain.This was different from the western system of psychological counseling. What they do in the west ismake the person revisit the experience. However, this approach was not suitable for Liu and the otherteachers and was met with rejection. Revisiting the experience was like putting salt on their wounds.Their pain would not heal quickly; it would be a long process.Liu was grateful to those who had listened and talked to him. He was consoled by different words fromdifferent people and was finally brave enough to open his heart. If he tried to do it all alone, he mightnever move on. The care, help and intimacy of so many others allowed him to think through manythings. He saw that he was not the only one affected by the disaster. If so many people could recover,why couldn’t he?He had been having trouble sleeping. A friend had suggested he listen to soothing music when he wentto bed, but the more he listened, the more awake he became. He often resigned himself to sleeplessnessand sat up to watch TV, read books or browse websites. When it was four or five o’clock in the morning,he might finally take a short nap until seven o’clock. Then he would begin a new day. But once Liustopped indulging himself in memories, his sleep improved. Now, he would feel drowsy before midnight.It is believed that time heals everything. There are many similarities between the treatment ofpsychological pain and that of physical pain. Often, when a person is ill, the doctor does not replace thediseased part with a new one; instead, they help the patient strengthen their immune system and heal Page | 185

themselves. Similarly, the recovery of psychological wound requires an instillation of positive belief inlife. And, just like the strengthening of physical immune system, that belief will act as a force to helpthe person heal. It is a natural self-adjustment process.Having learned how to self-adjust, Liu now understood how he had changed. In terms of teaching, forexample, Liu would think before class: how would he present himself in front of the students, his facialexpression, choice of words, his tone? Before he showed pictures to the students, he would warn himselfnot to shed tears. He learned to look before he leaped. It was quite different from the past, when hepreferred to take immediate actions but regretted often.In the first semester after the earthquake, Liu was not yet so well-adjusted. Some naughty students evendared to say to his face: “Mr. Liu, you look so serious.” But after spending a semester with the children,Liu was slowly affected by their purity, vitality and warmth. Gradually, his life went beyond commutingbetween dorm and school. He was no longer afraid to speak to the children. He started to gradehomework in the classroom and decorate the room with the children. The students soon felt thedifference. Some naughty students tried to direct him: “Mr. Liu, you should do it this way…” Somewould talk about him behind his back: “Ay, do you know that Mr. Liu…” Then the children would laughsecretly, covering their mouths with their hands. Other children liked to tell Mr. Liu what they had justencountered, be it happy or sad. They felt close to Liu though he was not their class teacher. Wheneveranything happened, they would rush to Liu and tell him the news immediately.For Liu, the close relationships he built with his students gradually and imperceptibly injected newvigor into his life. He spent much more time and energy in teaching, cultivating class atmosphere,grading homework and tutoring the weaker students. Three students, in particular, should be mentioned.They were all third graders and children of Liu’s old classmates. After the earthquake, his classmatesoften asked him eat with their families.As a guest in his friends’ homes, Liu was not supposed to pull a straight face. He felt relaxed and casual,and smiles would appear more frequently. The three students saw this and told their friends at school:“You know, Mr. Liu is in fact very easygoing and not tough at all.” When other students doubted them,the three became agitated: “You don’t believe it? Just see how we play jokes with Mr. Liu. He won’t getangry at all.” Soon, more and more students gathered to heckle them, all of them waiting eagerly forLiu to arrive.As soon as the bell rang for break, the students swarmed up to Liu and chattered: “Mr. Liu, Mr. Liu, canyou, can you really smile?” Looking at those innocent, beaming faces, Liu felt his heart thawing. Heresponded “sure, sure” and gave them a big smile. The students who had won their bet looked pleasedwith themselves, while those in doubt remarked loudly: “Mr. Liu, you can smile after all! The way yousmile is so endearing!” The children’s test offered Liu a long-lost and much hoped-for sense ofplayfulness. This transformation was the most precious treasure he found in his relationship with thechildren.***Liu had also experienced significant changes in terms of self-control. In the past, when Liu was feelinglow, he always wanted to smash something. But now, when he was down, he would call a few other Page | 186

teachers and arrange a game of basketball. After exercise and a cooling shower, he would feel alrightagain. Listening to music also helped.What he wanted now was wellness and happiness. He no longer drank Chinese liquor, and although hemight sometimes drink beer when he was in the right mood, he could control his drinking now. He knewthat drinking was detrimental to health, and, afraid of burdening his family and friends with illness, Liunow gave priority to his own wellbeing—a prerequisite for happiness too.In the first few months after the earthquake, Liu would drink as much as he wanted, and never knowingwhen to stop. While drinking with others, he might suddenly fly into a temper, and start to argue withothers. He took gulps and gulps of liquor until the bottles were all empty, addicted to its intoxicatingeffect. When he was drunk, Liu forgot about all the sadness and could talk about anything with hisfriends. It felt good to forget, even for just a short while.Liu also become more generous and magnanimous. In the past, Liu, like many, tended to fight overtrivial matters—especially rewards at work. After the earthquake, he realized that he could only havewhat was destined for him. If something was not meant to be his, then he should just let it go. Fightingfor such small things could easily damage relationships. It was not worth it.“You can’t succeed at everything in life. There has to be obstacles and pitfalls. Now that I’veexperienced all this, I know how to solve certain problems. For example, if something doesn’t belongto you, you must learn to give up. When you’re not sure, don’t promise easily. And when you havecommitted yourself to something, you have to stick with it and work hard at it.”Such reflection reveals his newly found magnanimity. And his attitudes towards money changed too.Since the disaster, Liu often heard stories of families having inner conflicts over the distribution ofcondolence money. He did not understand the purpose of getting 20,000 or 30,000 yuan more at theexpense of a broken family. When Liu received the condolence money for his wife and son, he said tohis father-in-law: “Dad, take all the money.” The old man held his hand: “Son, I don’t want to beinvolved with this. You can decide what to do with it as you see fit.”It was not much money—just 110,000 yuan. But Liu wanted to give it in to the elders, and if the eldersasked him to keep some, he would not resist. Liu’s father-in-law saw what he was thinking and said:“You’re on your own now. I won’t take the money even if you force it upon me.”Hearing this, Liu answered: “Then let’s divide it evenly.” He and his parents-in-law equally shared theportion for his wife. And, as for the condolence money for his child, because the grandparents had takencare of him all along, the money was also evenly divided among the three of them.The old couple were even more considerate: “Son, how about your parents taking a share too?” Liuwas moved by the old couple’s offer. But, according to law, his own parents did not have a part in thedistribution, so he politely declined.His parents-in-law had bought insurance for Kong in Chengdu. When the insurance company asked Liuto collect the condolence money, he told them to give it directly to Kong’s parents. The company refusedand said it had to be him. Having no choice, Liu took a trip to Chengdu. As soon as he collected the Page | 187

money, he transferred all of it to into his parents-in-law’s account. It was not a big sum of money, butsince it was Kong’s parents who bought the insurance, they ought to be the beneficiaries. Money willcome and go, but family love always stays.Liu’s personality became calmer. He was much less outspoken than before, considering other peoples’suggestions and taking them onboard only if they made sense, rather than following blindly what wasoffered to him. Unlike Liu, Kong was always very good at communicating. She was happy witheveryone she met, even if they had squabbled at home just before. Liu was always impressed by howbright and eloquent she was.Someone asked him: “If Kong Li were alive, which one of you would she like better?” Liu responded:“She would like the present me. She used to tell me to think before speaking and not to be too direct.”The earthquake had offered Liu many reflections. He often wondered whether Yingxiu could hadrecovered so quickly without all the kind-hearted people and the powerful government. The assistancewas far more than materialistic: though materials solved many practical problems, it was moreimportant to rebuild people’s spirits. When the spirit was mended, everything else could be rebuilt.This was the very reason why Liu had stayed behind on the debris: the hope of seeing his wife and sonwas his spiritual sustenance. He often thought that if he had left at that time, both he and his parents-in-law might live in guilt forever because they did not find Kong and Siyu.Looking back from now, all those unbearable emotions were part of the path that had to be traveledbefore reaching maturation and spiritual rebirth. Liu wrote the following words to describe his ownjourney to transformation: ‘Life is satisfactory with peace, wellness, and happiness. When we’re well fed and dressed, there is nothing more to pursue. When people leave, they take nothing with them. So what’s the purpose? Perhaps, many things are without a purpose. We should just do what we want and make ourselves happy. Do what I think is right and avoid what I believe to be wrong. Now my only goal in life is to be happy and healthy. Nothing else and nothing more.’Reflected in his words is the essence of an ordinary Chinese life. It resonates, too, with the biblicalteaching: ‘But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.’Be his futureIn Liu’s hometown, the custom was for the living spouse to mourn for one year after a partner’s death.So, standing on the windy hilltop in front of Kong’s tomb, Liu had promised that he would keepfaithfully to his role. Twelve months later, though still feeling guilty about not having saved his wifeand son, Liu had recovered from the loss. To travel the road ahead, he needed company and he believedhis wife’s spirit would bless him in this. Page | 188

For a long time, Liu had observed the same routine. Every few days, after dinner, he would buysomething his son had liked and go to the tomb. Sometimes he would burn joss sticks and talk to them,believing that he would be heard. Other times, he would stay silent and reminisce about the past. Manythings can only be appreciated and cherished after they are lost. Only after losing Kong did Liu realizejust how amazing and important she had been.Before his wife had been found and dug out of the debris after the earthquake, Liu had knelt at the placewhere they once lived and spoke, tearfully, to his wife. Then, once she was found, he took her and theirson up to the hill and built a tombstone with his own hands. When he went to Yunnan Province, hebrought back the sutra streamers that his Tibetan wife had liked and hung them over the grave. If hewent to Dujiangyan, he would buy some fresh flowers for her. If he stayed in Yingxiu, he would findsome chrysanthemums for her. Whatever his son had liked to eat, he would buy and bring to the tomb…Liu had devoted so much of himself to those visits. He could not leave them there, and even though heknew that they would never speak back to him, he still wanted to keep them company. And they werekeeping him company too.When a new woman entered his life, he told her that he had once had a wife and a son—a happy familythat the earthquake had destroyed. He told her, as they got to know each other, that they could start arelationship if she accepted him and his past. He would not compare her with his deceased wife. Anatural disaster had taken her away. And that love would forever exist in his memories.His new girlfriend was named Chai Yongli, a new teacher at the kindergarten. She was understandingand dealt well with everything. Liu first met Chai in October 2008. Whether intentional Liu did notknow, but the female teachers at the kindergarten often took her to the primary school. After a while,Liu got to know her, but did not think much of it. In June 2009, the kindergarten teachers finallyintroduced Chai to Liu properly. Their first heart-to-heart conversation happened via QQ.More than once, Liu’s father-in-law had told him: “Be careful when looking for a girlfriend. Try to finda good one.” What was he worrying about? Liu wondered. That he would marry anyone just to beremarried? He had known Chai for almost a year and felt that she was a nice woman. He decided to tryto get to know her better.‘Hello,’ Liu typed.‘Hello,’ was her reply.‘How are you doing these days?’ Liu sent another message.Suddenly she became very expressive and typed a long, emotionally charged passage: ‘I have a feelingfor you. Could you come over to meet me…’Liu was speechless and a little surprised. He looked at the words for quite some time. And then answered:‘Sure, no problem. I’ll meet you.’ He later discovered that the messages were sent by Chai’s friends. Tofind out how he felt, they had set a trap for Liu. If he had failed to respond, they would have dissuadedChai from investing any more time in him.A week later, Chai’s friends, also her roommates, left for a training program in Chengdu. Feeling lonely, Page | 189

Chai began to call Liu from time to time, and visit him in his dorm. After more contact and moreconversations, they developed trust in each other. Liu came to know when she graduated, how she wasdoing at work, and what her family was like. Chai learned about Liu’s past, an admirable past. And feltdeeply the pain of a man losing his wife and child. They entered a new phase in their relationship. Chaigrew fonder of being with him, and being there for him.At that time, Liu’s life was messy. He ate in the school cafeteria and did not keep his dorm tidy. Eachtime he tried to clear up, he thought of the comfy and clean home Kong kept in the past. With Chair, hedid not intentionally avoid the topic of housework. But more often, he talked about what they would do,where they would go and what they would eat… trivial matters such as those. Wasn’t that life was allabout?They had got along very well in those days. Chai was understanding and considerate towards Liu. Sheknew that Liu had gone through too many hardships and she was ready to offer him warmth and love.Liu, on the other hand, had the bad habit of ignoring everyone—including Chai—when he was in a badmood. But she was observant and would talk to him, comfort him and stay with him until smiled onceagain.Soon Chai began to take care of Liu’s daily life—what he ate, what he wore. Chai had become muchlike a housemistress, the staunch support at his back. Suddenly, Liu felt as though he was back in hisold familiar life, being taken care of by his beloved woman. All he expected from love was for the twoof them to be peaceful, happy and contented. Nothing intense. Just like before. Watching Chai smilingand singing in front of him like a little bird, he felt his heart melt. He wanted to marry her and have afamily.But was he a good fit for her? He was anxious, afraid what he experienced in the past would be unfairto her. “I need a man like you,” said Chai, “so I can live a down-to-earth life. I don’t need fame orriches, or to do something peculiar. I just want a normal, stable life. And you’re the one I’m lookingfor.”“But I often lose my temper when I get in a bad mood,” Liu was still concerned.“It’s normal. As long as you don’t make trouble out of nothing,” she answered.Liu was moved by her gentle and considerate nature. He was even more moved by the full support hisfamily had given him over the relationship. Liu finally took Chai to see his parents-in-law.Though they had encouraged him to find a partner, Liu was anxious about taking his new girlfriend tomeet the parents of his ex-wife. He decided to call first.“Dad, I have a girlfriend now.”“What does she do?”“She is a teacher. At the kindergarten. She hasn’t married before.”“Good, sounds good. It’s just that… does her family approve?” Page | 190

“Her parents don’t have any objections. They’re OK with it.”“If you think it’s OK, then go with it. We support whatever you do. Bring her here some time and let usmeet her.”Liu was reassured by his father-in-law’s words. He wanted to make a promise in front of the old manthat his son-in-law was not leaving them; on the contrary, he had found them a daughter, and togetherthey would love and take care of them forever.The next thing was to tell his own parents. He needed to know their opinion also. When he visited hisparents that weekend, Liu told his father calmly over the dining table: “I have a girlfriend.” His father’sface barely changed. He simply took some more food and said in his usual tone: “Good.” Nothing morewas said on the matter. Liu’s father believed in his son’s judgment, and was confident that the womanhe chose would bring him a bright future.Liu knew that the opinions of parents on both sides were pivotal to the new life he was about to begin.And he was grounded by their love. Page | 191

Chapter 10. Life goes onThe story of Dong Xuefeng, three years after the earthquakeBeginning againIt was a new spring. In Yingxiu Town, the air was fresh and cool, all living things revived. The scarsleft by the catastrophic earthquake three years ago were barely visible.Half way up the hills, white prefabricated houses could still be seen. And the fallen rocks at theintersection of Yuzixi Brook and Minjiang River would present another dreadful challenge when thenext rainy season came. But the success of post-earthquake reconstruction could be seen in thesightseeing buses travelling around town, locals taking their daily stroll and children romping about.West Sichuan style courtyards, Qiang style architecture, traditional Chinese style inns… all revealedthe careful design and planning of the town. This was how Yingxiu Town looked after disaster andrebirth. It had stood up, strong and heroic.The people of Yingxiu had stood tall too. After a short transitional period in Shuimo Town, YingxiuPrimary School had now moved back to Yingxiu fully. Dong and his colleagues had returned to thesimple life they once lived: going to classes, attending activities and returning home. Only now thesimplicity now contained a precious richness.Let us look back.On 9 May 2009, the State Council approved the reconstruction plan of Yingxiu Town, according towhich a new town would be built in two years. In the plan, Xuankou Secondary School would becomean earthquake museum, while the old site of Yingxiu Primary School would be turned into a public park.Two days later, Yingxiu held the commencement ceremony of the reconstruction program. The projectsof Yingxiu Primary School, residential houses, Yingxiu Kindergarten, Zhongtanbao Avenue, and YuzixiBridge launched one after another. All the reconstructed structures were designed to be earthquakeresistant.In June, Yingxiu Town was closed due to the ongoing reconstruction. The students and teachers ofYingxiu Primary School, after a year in the prefabricated school buildings, joined Bayi Primary Schoolin Shuimo Town. Students and teachers alike lived in dorms and commuted to school by bus. It was anomadic life.A debris flow in August the following year delayed the completion of the new school, and so, on 1September 2010, more than 100 students who had planned to begin a new semester back in Yingxiu hadto stay at Bayi Primary School. Six months later, the new Yingxiu Primary School was finally completedon the bank of Minjiang River as a demonstration project. The teachers and students were told the goodnews: they could finally come home.After a year and eight months away from Yingxiu, and three years after the earthquake, the teachers andstudents were welcomed back to the new campus of Yingxiu Primary School. Donated by the ShenzhenSecurities Regulatory Bureau, the school was located in the center of town on a wide plain behind the Page | 192

old prefabricated school buildings. Like the old school that no longer existed, the new school was alsoon the riverside, a little further along. The construction area was 10,446 square meters, and the teachingbuilding was six storeys tall, with capacity for 12 classes. The exercise ground would also act as anemergency shelter.The new school was built according to strict earthquake-resistant building standards and couldwithstand earthquakes up to 8.0 in magnitude and 10.0 in intensity. Ninety-nine 10-meter long pilefoundations were driven deep into the ground, and the buildings were made of light steel thin walls.The teaching building and office building had incorporated advanced seismic isolation bearingtechnique, which would relieve pressure from the building during an earthquake. In the designer’swords: “It can withstand earthquakes up to 9.0 in intensity. Small earthquakes can’t damage it, mediumones can’t break it, while big ones can’t bring it down.”As well as advanced building standards, Yingxiu Primary School was also equipped with first-rateteaching technologies. Each classroom was installed with an electronic whiteboard—a rarity even oncollege campuses. It was not only touch-screen but also a teaching assistance tool. For example, whenthe teacher was teaching a character, it could display the order of strokes and pronunciation of thatcharacter.Not far from the new primary school was the old site of Xuankou Secondary School, now the earthquakemuseum and the only large building in the town to look the same as it did before the earthquake.Surrounding the new museum were a dozen buildings, designed by famous architects from home andabroad. Together they formed a group of earthquake resistant buildings for tourists to visit.The new Yingxiu Park built on the site of the old primary school had preserved the only thing of theprimary school that survived the earthquake: the flag pole. The exercise ground looked the same, withgrass growing out of the cracks in the ground. There was also a rainbow-shaped steel bridge in the park.The five cement pillars of the old school buildings were kept, now standing among the trees.The school flagpole, and the national flag on it, had become the spiritual sustenance of the Yingxiupeople. After the earthquake, Wenchuan County cultural center of took the flag down to put it in adisplay, and was met with unanimous disapproval from Yingxiu residents. They later replaced it with anew flag.The two schools, old and new, were two kilometers apart. One was in the east, and the other in the west.Two kilometers, negligible as it seemed, felt like a world apart to Dong.He stood at the gates of the new school. There were ten characters over the entrance, ‘Love reflectsseasons, life shows color’, in which ‘reflects’ was the character ‘ying’ and ‘shows’ was ‘xiu’. Enteringthe school, was a screen wall emblazoned with the words ‘Let life ring out loud’. On the campus, a wideexercise ground was surrounded by brand new buildings painted red, yellow, blue, green and white. Itwas 10 o’clock in the morning, and the radio loudspeakers were summoning the children for morningexercise. “Time for exercise. Stand in your place,” the teacher at the front ordered. But there werealways some naughty children still messing around. On the exercise ground, the slogan “All lives arewonderful” was a commemoration of the past. Page | 193

Dong was, by this time, already the vice-principal of Yingxiu Primary School. After the psychologicalrecovery that took three years, he had remarried and had another child. He still intentionally avoidedthe old school site. Hoping to live a new life and leave the past completely behind, any slight mentioningof the past would torture him for an entire night.For three years, the primary school had not organized any Qingming Festival—or ‘tomb-sweeping’—events for the students. Every year on Qingming Festival day and on 12 May, the teachers would go tothe public cemetery to pay their respects. 2011 was no different: for Qingming, 20-something teachersfrom the school went to the cemetery once again. Seeing the names of their deceased colleagues andstudents, they still felt anguish and sadness. “Visiting the tombs too frequently will still affect the spiritof the living somehow.”The school was planning to build a display room to instill gratitude and diligence into the students. Itwas supposed to become a long-standing educational center that recorded the whole post-quakereconstruction process and told the stories of heroic deeds. Once a teacher suggested putting items fromthe old school into the reconstruction display room, but this was met with disapproval. They would noteven put the personal items or photos of the deceased into the new school, insisting “Don’t look backtoo much. It’s more important to look ahead, where our real life is.”To complete the display room project, Dong visited several schools in Wenchuan, Weizhou andBeichuan to learn from their experiences. Back in Yingxiu, he drafted a plan and began to writeintroductions, make slides and display boards, and searching for items that represented the earthquake-relief efforts. Now, whenever people visited the school, they would first come to the display room toget to know the school’s history.With his change in job title, Dong’s duties were different too. As well as from teaching management,he also led the school teachers in conducting subject research. He was also responsible for maintainingthe school’s new equipment. But, looking at the brand new school, Dong would often become immersedin his thoughts.He thought of the poor conditions of the past. In the first few years of his career, the school conditionswere incomparable to those now. There was no decent classroom, very few teaching materials. But thestudents’ attentive, clear eyes had always injected Dong with a sense of responsibility. He would beencouraged when the children learned another character or finished studying another textbook. To him,teaching was the best career, and no career was better than being a teacher.Now, he still loved his students. Every time the bell rang for break, the exercise ground would comealive. Standing in the corridor and looking down at the students, he could tell who always got highmarks in exams and who liked to play pranks. To him, not a single name or face of the 168 students wasunfamiliar to him: he had watched them grow, and grown along with them.But the feeling of ‘lost and found’ was somehow still painful.Nowadays, Dong had an even busier schedule. For example, as the three-year anniversary of theearthquake approached, many people and organizations visited the new campus to see how the childrenwere doing. The day before, Dong and Tan met with these visitors in Wenchuan County, after which Page | 194

Dong returned to his office to write documents until 1 o’clock in the morning. At 8am the next day, heappeared on campus again to hold administrative and teachers’ meetings, arrange teaching affairs andlogistics, and continue writing up his documents …“The school is famous now. So the expectation is higher also,” looking at the orderly files, Dongcomforted himself.But he knew that reconstruction of the campus was only the beginning. The really important task aheadwas to protect the children and help them form the right values and outlooks on life. The teachers werenot simply the conveyors of knowledge; they were also expected to teach the children how to live—especially after the earthquake. To teach the students to respect life and be grateful to society hadbecome Yingxiu Primary School’s educational principle.Still another concern haunted the mind of the vice-principal. It was already three years past theearthquake, but still, conversations would take a depressing turn at the mentioning of the disaster.Compared with the adults, children seemed to be less affected by the earthquake. Even so, that darkmoment remained vivid in their minds. Once when an aftershock occurred, the children eating at thecafeteria immediately put down their chopsticks and looked nervous. From their facial expression, onecould tell that the impact of the earthquake would stay with them for life.In the blink of an eye, the children who were first graders when the earthquake happened were nowbecoming fifth graders. It was a grade with the most survivors and the least trauma. One reason wasthat they were taking a P.E. class on the exercise ground when the disaster struck, and the other reasonwas that they were too young to feel the pain of losing their classmates and teachers. Perhaps in thepassage of time, they gradually forgot about it as they continuously absorbed new things.The greatest damage was suffered by Liu’s class, from which only 16 students survived. Dong oncetaught art in this class and felt acutely the repressed atmosphere. One child named Ma Jinming wouldstill go to the public cemetery frequently to visit his lost classmates and teachers. It was heart-wrenchingfor Dong and the other teachers.But the students in this class were also the best in the school, both academically behaviorally. They settheir own class rules: line up quickly and in an orderly manner; finish everything on the plate and notalking during a meal. During a routine spring-clean, despite being given the most to do as the seniorclass, they finished all their duties without complaint and cleaned the public washrooms with no teachersupervision.It was this unnatural self-discipline, seriousness and obedience that concerned Dong. Children reacteddifferently to the earthquake: some got over it quickly, while others might stay in the shadow for a longtime. And so the school began a new course called ‘Living: life and safety’ and set up a counseling roomstaffed by professional counselor. As part of this new course, each class would be engaged in sandplayled by a psychologist every two weeks, so that mental health problems could be identified, analyzedand addressed.Dong knew that mental health education could not be accomplished overnight. More often, it is anunconscious process that does not bring about immediately visible effects. But they would explore, Page | 195

study and experiment, because the school—more than merely a provider of education—should also bea safe harbor for the children.***On 9 May 2011, Premier Wen Jiabao visited Yingxiu Primary School. “Premier Wen had come toYingxiu several times before, but he never visited our school. We all felt this was a pity,” Dongreminisces.“Around the three-year anniversary, Premier Wen visited again. At the school gate, the teachers andstudents made way for the Premier and he walked to the flag-raising platform. Liu Qibao, secretary ofthe Provincial Party Committee, told Wen that after the disaster, this place had been a helicopter landingfield from where the wounded were sent out and relief materials were sent in. The Premier nodded anddid not talk much. During the whole process, he smiled.”That day, Dong was touched:“Without our painstaking efforts after the earthquake, we would never have what we have today. Isurvived and am trying my best to work for the school and the students. I have no qualms at all becauseI love my work so much and appreciate the fact that I’m alive.”No turning backWhen the new semester began after the summer vacation in 2011, Yingxiu Primary School had 168students and 35 staff members including a psychological counselor. Having moved to the new campuswith its brand new teaching facilities, the teachers needed to learn how to use the interactive electronicwhiteboards in two months. This not only significantly increased the teachers’ workload in coursepreparation, but also placed more pressure on the teachers to improve their professional competencies.Dong told the teachers in a meaningful tone: “The country has spent so much money rebuilding theschool. These resources shouldn’t be wasted simply because we’re not prepared. After all, the teachersare the real ‘soul’ of the school!” It was true: the teachers were the soul of the school.Meanwhile, Dong’s successor, Su, had finished the research project on the development and applicationof school-based textbooks in Yingxiu regions for which Dong had previously been responsible.According to Dong’s plans, had the earthquake not destroyed the textbooks, lesson plans, reflectionsand other teaching materials, he would have compiled them into a well-designed textbook. But evenwithout those materials, the finished project work still won first prize in the prefecture.The honor came as a surprise to both Dong and Su. More surprising still was that, in May 2010, a letterarrived from the China Education Development Foundation, asking the school to prepare materials. Theresearch project had been awarded the first prize as a National Eleventh Five-Year Plan PeriodOutstanding Education Research Achievement. Yingxiu Primary School was named ExcellentEducational Research Collective, with Dong and Su both named excellent individuals in educationalresearch too.In June, Su collected all the plaques and certificates from Beijing. That night, Dong, Su and some other Page | 196

teachers had a rare get-together. They hadn’t drunk together like this since the year after the earthquake.But this time, they drank to express their joy. The awards were a great testament to the research effortsof those teachers who had worked for three years both before the earthquake.In September 2010, Dong received another piece of good news from the Ministry of Education. It wasan invitation to attend the Teacher’s Day Celebration event in Beijing, an honor extended to only oneperson in Aba Prefecture, and four in the whole Sichuan Province. The memory of the visit to Beijingmakes Dong excited even now. As a ‘national model educator and teacher’, Dong was received byPresident Hu Jintao.Dong knew that it was the earthquake that brought him all this attention and honors. If he couldexchange all the honors to get back the life that he had lost, he would be more than willing to. But therewas no way to undo history. Of course, without the hard work and self-sacrifice in the aftermath of theearthquake, without all their remarkable accomplishments, Dong and Yingxiu Primary School wouldnever have been rewarded so much“I survived, but I do not live for myself,” Dong comments. “I won’t be blinded by honors, because thepursuit of career is infinite. What I seek is to start from scratch and do everything in earnest.”But how could he start from scratch? After the earthquake, as the person in charge of teachingmanagement, was worried: “Teaching is a job of conscience.” He knew that the post-quake YingxiuPrimary School could hardly compare with its past. Before the disaster, the quality of teachers was highand the students’ academic performance ranked among the best in the whole county. Now both mightdegenerate significantly. He didn’t know how to restore the school to its former glory. In the first county-wide post-disaster education quality evaluation in June 2010, Yingxiu Primary School ranked firstamong village primary schools overall, with only two town schools ahead of it. But Dong still felt bitter:“Though we did not relax on our duties, we still slipped, even just a little bit.”Dong held a heart-to-heart with the teachers: “As teachers, our biggest wish is for the students to grow up healthily and happily. Now that the disaster has occurred, we must not let them stay in pain. Everything should start again. We must not let our pain affect the children; on the contrary, we should give our most lively and positive side to them. After class, we should talk with the children often to bring them joy and hope.”Dong hoped to use the approach of ‘regulate with rules, touch with emotions, inform with reason, leadby action’ to bring back the best Yingxiu Primary School. In a principals’ forum in Wenchuan Countyin August 2010, Dong delivered a report entitled ‘How to strengthen regular schooling’. In the report,he said: “The disaster has indeed changed everything. First, the parents now view schooling differently. Most of them think it’s enough for the students to live well, eat well and have fun, and have lowered the requirements on all other aspects. Some parents even called teachers to say: it doesn’t matter if my child’s not doing well at school or not finishing homework. Our teachers are all survivors of the earthquake, and most of them are teaching under great mental pain and spiritual torture. Ordinary people can hardly understand their hardships. Under such condition, the school still Page | 197

emphasizes the cultivation of character, puts safety first, gives particular attention to hygiene, and places teaching at the core. All these aspects are closely related to regular schooling of the students.”As a vice-principal and a manager of education, Dong began to think more and more about thedevelopment of the school. “Take the imbalanced development of the teaching career, for example. Howcan we promote the professional development of teachers?” Dong thought the principle of ‘a goodteacher makes an official’ had hampered the professional development of excellent teachers: “A teacher who is accomplished in teaching is usually promoted to a leader’s position, but this doesn’t benefit the development of the school. We should encourage teachers good at teaching to become experts and those good at leadership to become officials.”He continues: “Only when we have outstanding teachers can we build an outstanding school. So what we should do now is to cultivate teachers to become the backbone experts, the models that everyone can learn from. Take the preschool education for example. Since Yingxiu Primary School does not have preschool class, all preschool education is offered by the kindergarten, which means preschool education is disconnected from primary school education.”To Dong, kindergarten should be a playground for the children. The only thing children need to do thereis simply to play happily, grow up healthily and learn how to get along with other children. As forknowledge, they should not be forced to learn; simply staying curious and inquisitive is enough. Butpreschool education is different. Children need to learn basic knowledge and rules at school, so thatthey can adapt easily when entering primary school.Thinking determines attitude, and attitude determines life. This was Dong’s approach as an educatorand a primary school administrator. He did all this thinking because he loved his job, his school, andhis students.The clock was still ticking. The newly-born Yingxiu Primary School, and its newly-born teachers, werelike a wound-up clock ticking into a new cycle of life.As long as I existWhat is happiness?Simply being alive is enough happiness. Where there is life, there is hope.Life can change too many things, but the self always stays to face the future.This was Dong’s reflection, three years after the earthquake.In April 2011, the teachers moved into new housing. Dong was assigned a two-bedroom apartment. Hebought new furniture and TV, and brought his wife and child back to Yingxiu. The small family werefinally reunited. “At last we have a settled life!” Dong exclaimed with joy. He held his wife Bai Xuetightly. Page | 198

Before they moved back to Yingxiu, each Friday afternoon, hot or cold, Dong would stand on theexercise ground of Bayi Primary School and give the routine instruction to the children of YingxiuPrimary School who were assembled in lines.“Keep warm… and be careful…” It was a snowy day, and Dong’s loud voice was only just audible inthe gale. After seeing the students and teachers off, Dong packed up his things and walked to the bluemotorcycle he had recently bought. He put on his knee pads, a heavy coat over his down, and finallyhis gloves and helmet. It was a tough journey riding for dozens of kilometers in the mountains in suchcold weather. But one thing was clear: Dong felt warm and eager in his heart now. At home inDujiangyan, his wife, Bai Xue, and their newly-born son, little Songmin, were waiting for him to comehome. He disappeared into the bone-chilling wind, his rush back home a symbol of the hopefulcontinuation of life.***But happiness and pain are two threads that interweave and alternate in life. Dong’s father was sufferingfrom more and more from his cancer. It was to satisfy his father’s wish that Dong and Bai Xue held awedding ceremony; having already got their marriage certificate, when Bai Xue was already severalmonths pregnant, they had not planned to hold a ceremony. But on 25 January 2010, at Dong’s father’sinstance, the couple organized a feast and invited relatives, friends and neighbors.Since being diagnosed with cancer, Dong’s father had become much thinner; a tough man in Dong’smemory, he had grown old. After the loss suffered during the earthquake, Dong was frightened of losingyet another beloved family member. At the wedding ceremony, as Dong toasted his father, he lostcontrol. Sobbing, Dong flung his arms around the old, thin man. He did not care that it was a weddingand everyone was supposed to look happy. He put his face, like a child’s, close to his father’s and lethis tears fall freely. Tears of love and gratitude.Being held in his father’s arms, Dong whispered: “Dad, life’s going to be better and better, so is yourhealth. Now your daughter-in-law is pregnant with your grandson. You’re going to be grandpa again.”Hearing those words, Dong’s father patted him on the back: “You silly thing. Today is your big day: behappy, be happy.” As he tried to comfort his son, Dong’s father was tearful himself. His should be tearsof happiness.That day, the wedding guests witnessed Bai Xue’s tears as she and Dong held each other in the arms;they witnessed Dong’s joyful smiles, a symbol of his new start; and they witnessed the look ofcontentment in Dong’s father’s eyes.The day after the wedding, Dong received his father’s check-up report at the hospital. The tumor hadshrunk by two thirds and the prognosis was good. Dong’s father had been energetic and in good spiritsrecently. His father had, by this time, switched to traditional Chinese medicine after several rounds ofpainful chemotherapy. Dong felt fortunate that fate had been kind after all, and that his father could staywith him. The positive report filled the whole family with joy, and Dong’s father finally felt confidentin his recovery.But just ten days after the wedding, his health suddenly worsened. On 4 February 2010, when Dong Page | 199