Bouncing Back Together - English Version 2018

Your smiling face,And warm company,Are destined to be the love of my life.For that,My longings,Are longer than a dream,And more everlasting than heaven.Fate favors those in love; in 2004, Kong was also transferred to Yingxiu Primary School. Finally, theycould be with each other day and night again! Liu was indescribably happy.But when Kong decided she wanted to pursue further training in Yibin City, Liu agreed. Though he wasglad to have her back with him, he was not a traditionally minded man who believed that his wife shouldstay at home.Kong’s father once said, full of emotion, that he didn’t have the chance to go to school, and remaineduneducated and uncultivated. He hoped that his daughter could seize every opportunity to receive moreeducation—not to get ahead of others (there can only be so many people at the top of the tree) but to dowhat she wanted to do, make a better living, bring her family more blessings and help more those inneed.By his own standards, Liu’s retired father-in-law was quite unlike the uncultivated person he described;he and his wife had considerable pensions, and continued to do odd jobs to earn money after retirement.He always said that, as long as their river was filled, they wouldn’t need Liu and Kong’s little brook tosupply them water; Liu and Kong could fill their brook with water and let it run freely. Such unusuallyliterary words from his father-in-law moved Liu deeply.“We’ll look after the little one for you. You two do whatever you want and don’t worry about anything.”The words of her father finally persuaded Kong to put her worries to one side and go back to school.Two years of maintaining a long-distance relationship, with Kong in Yibin City, proved a challenge forLiu. And Kong, a self-funded, full-time English undergraduate, missed her husband and son deeply.But, for a better future, they held back their emotions and invested their energy in work and study.Meanwhile, Liu was transferred from Yingxiu to Yingxingxiang Central Primary School as a result ofadministrative ‘streamlining’ in Wenchuan County’s educational system and the fact that BaiyanPrimary School—to which he would have been returned—had been submerged by the ZipingpuReservoir.With his wife and his son living with his parents-in-law, Liu suddenly felt like a single man again. Afterclass, he would look into the distance, and think of his family. He never told Kong of his loneliness:each time they called or corresponded, he would touch lightly on his own life—mentioning only playingbasketball, or going to see their son at weekend, or having dinner with other teachers, or the honors thathis students got… What he talked about the most was how he missed her—even her chiding.As an extravert, Kong seemed able to get along with everyone. At school, she was popular. But as a Page | 50

wife, she was quite different—extremely determined and unswayable. She once asked Liu to take thebedsheets from the washer and hang them up on the balcony. Liu was in the middle of a video game.He answered but didn’t move. Kong called again and again, but Liu showed no sign of moving. Kongcame in from the kitchen and cuffed him across the back. Liu surrendered and went to hang up thesheets. In moments like this, looking at her husband busy with housework, Kong would feel satisfiedand proud of herself. It seemed that Liu took to her way of being a wife.When two people live together, conflicts were unavoidable. But squabbles never hurt Kong and Liu’srelationship. At the weekend, they would go shopping in town, arm-in-arm. They might buy new clothesfrom the department store, and groceries from the market. Kong would be busy bargaining and buying,while Liu followed her, carrying their purchases. Such a scene was full of the warmth of everyday life.Even after she went to Yibin City, Kong bought all the new clothes and shoes he needed and sent themback home. She knew very well that her husband was not good at choosing what to wear or bargaining,while she could always find a good deal. She liked it when her husband appreciated her taste and style.Kong also cared for her parents-in-law. She would buy them presents during festivals, take them to seethe doctor when they felt unwell, and visit them frequently. The neighbors all spoke highly of the ‘thirddaughter-in-law’.At home, Kong took on most of the household chores, while Liu washed dishes or vegetables. It washer pleasure to serve her husband well-prepared meals, especially as he didn’t know how to cook. WhenLiu was training his students for an upcoming competition and had to get up very early almost everymorning, Kong prepared nutritious meals for him and stopped asking him to do chores.Having been so pampered, Liu realized one day that he could no longer care of himself without his wifeby his side. Remembering all the traces of warmth and care in life’s details, he began to miss Kongfrantically. And without her by his side, Liu invested more of his love in his son.For Liu, to love his wife and their family with all his heart had become his second dream.Great expectationsLiu once said to his father-in-law: “Dad, you and mom are not so young anymore and deserve a rest.Let me take care of my son.” Seeing the tiredness on Liu’s face, the old man said considerately: “Noneed. Your workload is so heavy, and Lily is not at home, who takes care of the boy? Let us do it. Youtwo do a good job at work. That’s all we want.”At that time, Liu felt more like a child himself than a grown-up, and when his parents-in-law sharedtheir load of childcare, he was set free like a bird from the woods. Despite some difficulties at work,when he returned to Yingxiu Primary School, he was in his element again. Like a car in full gear, hewas racing ahead on the path of career advancement.It is generally believed that children who are looked after by their grandparents will become spoiled.But luckily, while Siyu’s grandparents loved him, they never indulged him. To Liu, their onlyindulgence as far as he saw it was in the matter of Siyu going to kindergarten. Page | 51

But Siyu’s health had always been weak and each time he went to kindergarten, he became unwell.Twice his grandparents enrolled him, twice they paid the fees. And twice, Siyu dropped out. Hissuffering tugged at his grandfather’s heartstrings, who decided finally: “No more kindergarten. He’llbe home-schooled, and I’ll be his teacher.”During one visit to see their son, when Siyu was almost five years old, Liu and Kong found that thechild was distant with them. Siyu would go to his grandma when hungry or sleepy and to grandpa whenhe wanted to read or play, while he treated his own mother and father like guests that came and left.Liu was alarmed, and realized that this arrangement was not going to work. Though their burden ofchildcare had been lessened, they couldn’t ignore their roles as parents. Moreover, children who haven’tformed attachment to their parents could easily develop cognitive and mental problems.Liu revealed his worries and feelings of guilt to his father-in-law. “I agree,” said the understanding oldman. “You should live with your kid. But your mom and I are going to live with you, too. We’ve beentaking care of him all along and can’t leave him. Also, you two are always busy with work, how can youtake good care of him?”The generosity of his father-in-law touched Liu once again. And so the three generations came to liveunder the same roof because of their shared love for Siyu.Finally, lovable Siyu came back to his home. He showed little sign of the willfulness often seen onlychildren, but was instead smart, sweet and did what the adults asked of him. More comforting still toLiu was that after just a year of living together again, little Siyu became strongly attached to his mother.When Siyu turned six, he enrolled in the preschool class of Yingxiu Primary School. Here Siyudiscovered interests in writing and drawing. In Liu’s apartment, which was later destroyed by theearthquake, Siyu’s drawings decorated the walls. Each time someone visited and admired the drawings,Liu was full of pride. Siyu seemed to think nothing of this admiration: his love of drawing was pure.He liked to depict all the beautiful things he saw with colored pens. In his childish little heart, the wordsand pictures that came from the tip of his pen were the most fascinating things in the world.Siyu also loved to play in the sandpit with other children. He brought his new ideas to life using sand.It was undoubtedly this talent that made him the leader among his friendship group.He liked video games too. But, being a good boy, would only play as long as his parents allowed. Whentime was up, he would walk away from the computer without prompting. Such obedience from Siyuoften made Liu concerned that he had treated his son unfairly. If it were him, would he be willing tostop playing when he had just started to enjoy the game? Would such deprivation lead to discontent?But he saw little of this discontent in Siyu. Everybody loved him. Each time he saw the school teachers,he would greet them enthusiastically. After school, he would ask to go out and play once he had finishedhis homework, and would always come back on time. Even if Liu called to him from the balcony beforeplaytime was up, Siyu would come home without delay.Siyu’s weak health was the only thing that worried his parents and grandparents. He was not picky withfood, always finished his meals and seldom snacked. His sleeping habits were equally good. Before Page | 52

bedtime at 8.30pm, Liu would prepare hot water and towel, and Siyu would wash himself and then gostraight to bed. Sometimes he found it hard to fall asleep, but he never fussed. Instead, he lay therequietly, content with his imagination, and fell asleep gradually.When the family went shopping in town, Siyu never asked his parents to buy anything for him, evenwhen he saw something he liked. Once he saw a fascinating toy car in the supermarket, he just stoodthere and stared at it. When the adults left the shop, he also followed them, looking back repeatedly butwithout a word. Of course, this was also because Siyu had lived a life of abundance. Many relativeswould bring him presents when they came to visit, and Siyu’s room was filled with all kinds ofinteresting books and fun toys. Because he was never deprived he didn’t need to ask for much—this ishow Liu understood his son.There were of course some exceptions. One day, the whole family went to Chengdu City. In theamusement park, Siyu discovered so many new games and rides that he wanted to try. He said to hisfather: “Daddy, would you allow me to ride on the rollercoaster?” “Daddy, could we go boatingtogether?” Liu answered happily, “Do as you like”, at which Siyu whooped and rushed to whatever itwas that had caught his eye. That was what a natural and sprightly child should look like.When Siyu wanted to buy something with his pocket money, he would ask for permission from hisparents. He kept all the change in his own piggy bank. In the bank were all coins below 1 yuan, becauseSiyu knew that as a child, he shouldn’t keep too much money.Sadly the piggy bank, too, was destroyed in the earthquake.Liu had great expectations for his son’s future. Under the tutorage of Liu’s educated mother-in-law,Siyu’s literacy and arithmetic was that of a first grader before he began school, even without going tokindergarten. At preschool, his knowledge acquisition accelerated even more. Soon, he could recognizethousands of Chinese characters and recite several hundred classical poems. He was able to memorizea poem after reading it only twice. Most parents would view such a child as genius, and Liu certainlybelieved this was the case.When Liu was playing video games, Siyu would stand beside him and watch. If his Liu asked him togo to his own room, Siyu would leave with a pout. Seeing this, Kong would remind him that a good kidshould control his temper. OK, thought little Siyu, it’s much more fun to write, draw or read than watchmy father play games. Liu never heard the child say: “Oh dad, you too need to work and study hard.Playing games occasionally is fine, but don’t become addicted” but, sensing something, he usually shutdown the computer and went to read or draw with Siyu.Kong often admonished Siyu on the matter of superiority; she wouldn’t allow him to feel superior abouthaving teachers as parents. Her thinking was simple: if a child has the feeling that they are above otherstudents, then he won’t respect anyone, including the teachers. And if one is disrespectful to others,how can he be respected in return?If his mother caught him expressing such things, Siyu was made to stand by the washroom and reflect.When he had figured out what he had done wrong, he would walk up to his mother and tell her how hewould behave differently in the future. Gradually, he began to understand that he was no different from Page | 53

other classmates: he still needed to listen carefully in class, finish his homework on time, and stay awayfrom bullying and lying.Both sets of Siyu’s grandparents—especially maternal grandparents—also had great expectations ofhim. Liu’s father-in-law, usually a casual man, was devoted to Siyu. He bought him food, clothes, andstationery, and always of the best quality. Before retirement, Siyu’s grandfather was a driver and, now,he liked to take Siyu out riding, whose silvery laughter became his best company.Siyu’s grandmother had given him a different kind of love. She was meticulous, educated and goodteacher. That five-year-old Siyu had the knowledge of a first grader and had learned most grade twoChinese and arithmetic was testament to his grandmother. Siyu’s interests in writing and drawing werealso cultivated by his grandmother, with whom he would often compete under the approving gaze ofhis grandfather. Whose duck was more lifelike? Who could memorize a poem quickest and mostaccurately? Whose handwriting was more elegant? Whose English spelling was impeccable? Andwhose arithmetic was better? She also planned Siyu’s meals for the following day and, whenever Siyuwanted something different to eat, she would cook a special dish.After his son’s premature death, all the selfless love that both grandparents had given Siyu filled Liuwith. He had not giving his son enough attention when he was alive, and now that he was gone, he couldonly reminisce about him like this. He had spent little taking care of his son, and hadn’t given him muchfinancially, either.Before Siyu went to preschool, Liu hardly spent any money on him—be it toys, diapers or baby formula.If ever he bought anything for Siyu, his father-in-law would insist on covering the cost. Liu always tookthe money, because the old man wouldn’t give up. Liu knew that this stubbornness was an expressionof his father-in-law’s uncompromising love, which he had to respect.Later, when the three generations lived together, Liu only had to take care of the living expenses of himand his wife, while his father-in-law covered the child’s expenses. “Come on, son,” he would say“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You two are not earning much yet. Your mother and I have retiredfrom institutions on the plateau and the pension is considerable. Also my brain is not so confused yet,and I can still make some side money by driving the coach. Don’t argue. How can a child be so formalwith his parents?”In such a close-knit web of love, Liu’s life rolled on smoothly towards a bright future. He saw thathappiness existed in the simplest and smallest things: as simple as spring water that tastes sweeter thanhoney; as small as eyes meeting and igniting the passion of a lifetime.Liu was grateful. He wanted to become a harbor where his happiness would be forever anchored.But fate deprived him of this happiness without warning when, brutally, Liu’s life was torn apart. Page | 54

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Chapter 3. The fascination of family bond – the story of Su ChenggangChildren of the mountainsWhen the morning sun lit up the woods, a group of children in shabby clothes came running along therugged mountain path, muddy after light rain. Even with the beads of sweat on their faces and the heavyschoolbags on their backs, they looked lighthearted and joyful.Left behind in the dark and deep mountains was a lonely child. He was 10 years of age and should beengoing to school too. But his only experience of school had been for a few minutes.The boy’s father passed had away when he was eight years old. Out of necessity, his mother wasremarried a man in another village, taking this little boy and all his brothers with her. His stepfather,Yang, was short-tempered and sick of these children that came with his new wife.Knowing that an education could change a person’s life, the boy’s mother secretly took him out of themountains to register for school. Yang overheard this and came with them. He wrenched the schoolbagfrom the boy’s hands and scolded: “You wanna read books? You’d better eat them!”From that day, the boy was kept away from school and began his first job as a cow-herd. When heenviously watched his friends going to school, he made up his mind that if he had a child in the future,however hard it might be, his child would go to school.This young, thin and poor child of the mountains began to work towards this goal. Even as a cowherd,he must excel. With his persistence, flexibility, and diligence, he soon became the ‘little adult’ of whomall the villagers spoke highly. At 15, he became the youngest production team leader in the village.Three years later he was ready to marry and build a family. Though he still had the looks of a child, hiseyes told of the hardships he’d faced and the toughness with which he trudged along. Soon enough abeautiful young Tibetan woman fell for him, and him for her.The young woman’s parents liked their future son-in-law immediately. They believed that a young manwho had overcome such adversity was responsible and be depended upon. They gave the couple theirapproval.But before they could savor the sweetness of a married life, the newlyweds were driven out of the houseby the young man’s stepfather, with nothing but a thermos flask and a basin.What to do? What to eat? What to wear? And how to make a living? The young couple smiled at eachother—they couldn’t afford to cry on each other’s shoulders. They began to build a shack in which theywould create the loving family of which they’d always dreamed.Who says that destiny favors those who work hard? The couple started from scratch. They dug herbs,picked prickly peppers, and hunted hares. Finally, they had a roof over their heads and food in theirmouths. But they were still poverty-stricken, and their first two babies died prematurely. The heavy Page | 56

blow of such loss to the couple was unimaginable.Still, they didn’t give in. Another baby was born—a beautiful baby girl—and they went on to have fourmore children, all boys. Gradually, all the children had freshly cooked meals to eat and warm clothes towear. What’s more, all the children attended school. Life finally began to smile on the family.One day, because of his recognized diligence and astuteness, the young man was offered a steady jobin the nearby town. But he was the backbone of his family—if he left, how could his wife cope withfive children depending on her? When it rained, who would patch the gaping hole in the roof? Whenthe wolf howled, who would drive it from the door? He was not going to leave. He had chosen to stickby his wife through thick and thin, and he would keep that promise.And so he gave up a promising future just like that and instead joined the rural detachment of thecounty’s working group. He worked in the village and raised his children. He chose to be a husband andfather, and stayed with his family.This young man was Su Chenggang’s father and old party branch secretary of Diaotou Village in MiansiTown of Wenchuan County for many terms.Diaotou Village was inhabited by Tibetan, Qiang and Han residents, comprising 30%, 50% and 20%respectively. Although Su’s paternal grandfather was Han, his paternal grandmother and parents wereall Tibetans. As a child, Su was taught about the pride of the Tibetans, and their qualities—sincerity,perseverance, diligence, piety and passion for life.Aba Autonomous Prefecture of Tibetan and Qiang Ethnicities in Sichuan Province is among the largestTibetan settlements in China, with a rich Tibetan tradition. Tibetan people call themselves ‘Boba’,meaning agricultural people, and they are the descendants of an early agricultural tribe in theBrahmaputra River valleys. During the Western and Eastern Han dynasties, they were a branch of WestQiang ethnic group. In the seventh century, Srongtsen Gampo founded a dynasty. Since then, the Tibetanareas were called Tubo, Xifan, Wusizang, and so on in different dynasties. In Yuan dynasty, the Chinesecentral government officially established jurisdiction over the Tibetan areas.The Tibetans have their own spoken language and writing system. The Tibetan language currently inuse is an alphabetic writing system based on ancient Sanskrit and languages in the West Regions. Theworld’s longest epic, Epic of King Gesar, has been legend for centuries in Tibet and in the Tibetansettlements in provinces such as Qinghai, Gansu, Sichuan and Yunnan. In the epic, the history of ancientTibetan tribes is told through talking and singing in more than 100 volumes and over 700,000 lines. TheTibetans also created two Buddhist classics—Gangyur and Tengyur.As a little boy, Su was not yet aware of the rich history and traditions of his people. But he was clearabout the spirit that he should embody as the son of Tibetans.The village Su lived in had more than 300 residents, divided into two production teams. Little Su livedin the team up on the mountain, a few hours’ walk on a rugged mountain track away from the 213National Highway. Every day, Su would walk this same path to school.Thinking back, Su recalls few memorable aspects of his childhood. Living in a poor family, all the Page | 57

children had to work—herding the cattle, gathering fodder for the pigs, or harvesting prickly peppers.Apart from that, they passed the time reading textbooks or writing Chinese characters. They could havegone to have fun with other children, but the village was big, and the households were spread out in allcorners of the mountains; after hours of walking back home from school, they were already too hungryto go to their friends’ homes.But two things that did have a lasting influence on him were his father’s capability, and how he taughtby example.When Su was little, his father was already elected the party branch secretary, and ‘capable’ was theword that everyone used to describe him.Su’s very capable father had a particular preoccupation with education. To build a school for the village,he visited the prefectural government again and again, to lobby them for funding. His hard work finallypaid off: Diaotou Village was granted the money and Diaotou Village Primary School was built—thefirst school in Wenchuan County with complete facilities. All at once, Su’s father was the hero of thevillage, and inspired awe in Su.His father’s craving for education became a family tradition and deeply influenced his children. He wasknown for being strict when it came to their studies, and insisted that all his children be ambitious andmake something of their education. To show the children what the outside world looked like and tomotivate them to work harder, he would take them with him to the other side of the mountain wheneverhe had chance.When they arrived at his workplace, Su’s father would get the children to do homework first and thenhe would go to the meeting. If pressed for time, he would even carry his two children on his back andtake them with him. Many years later, he still talked about this: “That year, I took one of you to thisplace, and the other to that place. You two saw the tall buildings, cars, and phones… You’ve see thebigger world.”The children discovered that the world on the other side of the mountain was so colorful and bright, andthey came to understand that they should wake up each morning full of dreams. The pursuit ofknowledge was unstoppable. Even with all the heavy burdens of life on their shoulders, they must notgive up.What was Su’s mission in life? Little Su had a vague idea. His mission was to work hard at school andearn a place in the prosperous and affluent world waiting for him outside. His mission was to keeprunning, smiling and always expecting beautiful things to happen. This became his focus in hisrelentless pursuit of happiness as the son of the mountains.In that old shack, Su began his life journey, learning ‘1, 2, 3’ and ‘a, b, c’.A year after the earthquake in 2009, Su accompanied his father back to their old home. The path wasstill rough, and the platform remained the same. But the once spacious and flat house now looked slantedand cramped. The gate house was still there, but it was no longer as tall as Su remembered it. The mainhouse, was once tidy and light, now was all ruins. His father sighed gently: “Some things are not to be Page | 58

remembered.”But how could some things be forgotten? Such as the long road of education which he and his brothershad trudged.Their eldest sister was the first girl in the village given the chance to go to secondary school in town.But to everyone’s surprise, she declined the offer and decided to never go back. Even when the schoolteacher walked for hours to their home to persuade her, she wouldn’t change her mind. Su’s father wasexasperated at her decision and almost raised his hand to her. How could she go against his lifelongwish? How could she willfully ruin her life by staying in the mountains? His daughter, who was somuch more capable than him, should not be forever kept away from school like this!“Dad, please let me stay home and help you. You’re too tired. Three of my little brothers are at school,and the youngest one had leukemia that needs money to treat. Dad, you’re way too tired, and I want toshare your burden. Dad, would you approve?”The girl knelt before her father in all tears. Her father tried hard to hold back tears but couldn’t. Heart-broken, he knew that once he approved, his only daughter might stay a farmer all her life. But if hedisapproved, would his stubborn child listen to him?He summoned all the children and told them to thank their big sister. They must forever remember hergenerosity, because it was her sacrifice that enabled all her brothers to receive an education.When the eldest brother got into normal school, Su and his second brother were in secondary school.Their youngest brother, however, became more and more sick. The family spent nearly all their savingson his treatment, but to little avail. Their characteristically uncompromising father felt hopeless.For the eldest of Su’s brothers, now in normal school, his only belongings were a pile of books, a suit,a sports shirt and two coats. He knew of the difficulties back at home. And so even when he could onlytake some pickle and buns to school that hardly filled his stomach, he never complained but work evenharder.In 1994, the year his big brother graduated and started work, Su got into technical secondary school too.His second brother, who was also a good student, instead took a job opportunity that came his way, andbegan working at Minjiang River Power Company. He wanted to work and make money so that hecould share his father’s burden, just like his sister had.Therefore, in 1994, the big brother graduated and started working, Su got into technical school, and thesecond brother became a worker in. Now, with four breadwinners in the family, their life sailed intoabundance at an accelerating pace. Su, as the only child still in school, had the care of the whole family.Compared to his brothers and sisters, who were already working, Su was the little child that everyonewanted to dote on.How to describe his happiness? His life became comfortable, and he could have a cup of milk eachmorning and a bag of instant noodles as a snack at night. During festivals, he could buy the clothes heliked. With pocket money, he could eat out, play billiards and enjoy video games with his friends. Andhe never again had to worry about his tuition. Page | 59

Better still, was that on 5 July 1997, Su met Cheng Xiaoqing, who would become his dearest love andwith whom he’d share the next 11 years of his life.Memories clouded by painThere is always a storm before rainbow appears. Su’s life was no exception.One day, Su’s one-year-old brother had a nosebleed that just wouldn’t stop. The doctor in town couldn’tsay what was causing it but knew it could be serious. He was right: Su’s little brother was later diagnosedwith leukemia in the county hospital.Leukemia? What kind of disease is that? Su was confused. Is it worse than a cold or a fever? Does oneneed to lie in bed all the time to recover? Is it hard to treat even with a lot of money?Su was in primary school at that time, and he could feel his little brother’s pain every time he went backhome.“Qianwei, does it hurt now?” The father asked his youngest son softly, worrying that he might get aninfection-induced fever.“Dad, it’s tolerable. Don’t worry, I will get better.” The little boy was swollen all over, and barely ate.He looked anemic and could walk only a few steps before he had to stop and rest. Always biting his lipswhen in pain, his lower lip was all black and blue. But even with such great pain, he never cried once.He believed that one day he would get better. How could fate be so cruel and take him away when hehad such a loving family?Su’s little brother had to rely on regular artificial blood transfusion to keep him alive. Each month, fora few days, the boy would hurt so badly that he tossed and turned on the bed, clenching a piece of clothin his mouth. Su saw it all and was heartbroken. How he wished he could help his little brother andshare even the smallest bit of his pain. But he could do nothing but watch his brother suffer, or hold himgently in his arms.It was a Saturday and Su was now in secondary school. He was hurrying home after a half-day of classes,knowing that his now 10-year-old little brother was expecting him to come home and play with him.Usually, Su would read interesting stories from the books to his brother, who loved geography andhistory the most. The little boy couldn’t imagine how big the world was or how long history was,because he had never been to a place further than the county hospital.At one o’clock, as Su was hurrying past a relative’s house, a cousin saw him and said gravely: “Runhome. Something’s happened.”Su was shocked. He felt a surge of foreboding. His knees were shaky and his legs could barely holdhim.When he got home, there was a crackling log fire in the central room. Many relatives were gatheredaround the fire and talking. Su didn’t say anything and went straight into the kitchen where his uncle Page | 60

was talking with his mother. When he saw Su coming in, he asked if he had had lunch. Su answered“no” and went to help himself to some food. His mother came to help. With the bowl in his hand, Sucould hold his tears no longer.That was a quiet moment. Not knowing how to express his feelings, Su tried to swallow his rice, onemouthful after another, mixed with tears. His uncle and mother stood beside the door and cried too.“It already happened. You know well about Qianwei’s illness. There’s nothing we could do. He justcouldn’t live any longer.” Wiping tears from her face, Su’s mother comforted him, now her youngestson.“He went peacefully, without pain. He just said that he wanted very much to see you and his big sister.But he couldn’t make it till he saw you both—” Before uncle finished his sentence, Su’s mother suddenlystarted to wail again and rushed into the back room.It was not as though 13-year-old Su had never lost a loved one. But when his maternal grandmotherpassed away, he was not as grieved. This time, it was his dear little brother, the brother that wanted tosee him for a last time before he closed his eyes forever. Su punished himself by not speaking andmissing his little brother silently. It was until two years later when he entered technical secondary schoolthat he finally recovered from this tormenting feeling. Still, he tried to avoid talking about the detailsof his little brother with his family. For his parents, who were as heartbroken as Su, the death of theiryoungest son was also a forbidden topic. Any spark would create a conflagration.Many years later, when Su again experienced the passing of a most beloved family member, he wasfinally able to talk about how he had pined for his deceased little brother and departed love.Maybe, heaven is the best place to be.Live and loveSu’s wife, Cheng Xiaoqing, was from a well-off family. In the early years of PRC, her paternalgrandfather had huge success in suppressing the bandits in Heishui County. He finally settled down inHeishui County town because of his job, despite that he was originally from Suining City, SichuanProvince.Cheng’s family was also a big one. Her father was the oldest son with two brothers and a younger sister.Cheng had an older sister. At the time when she and Su joined the workforce, her sister gave birth to abeautiful baby girl and made Cheng an aunt.Cheng’s father was a school graduate in the 1970s. Early on, he drove trucks for the Forestry Bureau ofHeishui County. Then he was reassigned as a driver for the Heishui County Party Committee secretaryand worked there till retirement. Cheng’s mother had been a teacher in Heishui County Kindergartenfor all her life. Cheng finally followed her mother’s path and became a teacher in Yingxiu Kindergarten.5 July 1997 was an unforgettable day for Su, and ‘9775’ ‘009775’ had since become his lucky numbers. Page | 61

It was a school holiday. A group of Su’s classmates were going to hang out for a while after a dinnertogether. Su had a few very good buddies in the group, but he didn’t stay with them, because Cheng hadsaid to him earlier: “Chenggang, let’s take a walk outside.”So the two young people, who had feelings for each other long ago, went to a hill near the school, a hilldecorated with trees and wild flowers.How to describe that romantic evening? The trees and hills in the distance were hazy, and the lightsfrom the town twinkled. The gentle night breeze blew the hem of Cheng’s dress towards nervous Su.There was the fragrance of flowers, the chanting of insects and the glow of fireflies.It was dark and a little cold. Suddenly, Cheng took Su’s hand, looked into his eyes, and said with atrembling voice: “I love you. Please let me be your girlfriend.”The moon was rising, lighting the faces of the two young people in love. The tree leaves rustled, playinga prelude to a love story, just beginning.Su lost his cool reserve: “I love you too. I want to stay with you and love you with all my heart.”Cheng nodded heavily and leaned on Su’s shoulder. How broad and warm a man’s shoulder is, and howbeautiful it feels to love someone! She said gently: “Getting to know you has been the happiest thing inmy life. Let’s stay with each for all our lives, shall we?”“I want to stay with you for the rest of my life. I’m going to take you wherever you want to go, and we’llsee the beauties of the world and taste the sweetness of life. I will be your harbor and shelter now andforever.”The moon hid itself behind the trees.When the school holiday ended, their classmates soon knew about Su and Cheng’s relationship. Thetwo of them were not shy at all and accepted blessings from everyone. The couple hadn’t thought muchabout the future yet; they simply wanted to enjoy being with each other in that moment.It was around this time that Su’s father once again did something wonderful. He wanted to raise fundsto build a road for the village, which was then ‘roadless’. He planned a trip to the provincial FinanceDepartment to make a case for the money, and took Su along with him, just like he had when he waslittle. Su was excited and even now, the details of the trip remain vivid in his memories.Su had not expected the high respect that the provincial officials had for his father, who was just anordinary village party branch secretary. They all knew Su’s father as a “capable, dedicated, kind andinsightful” grass-roots official, and this made Su begin to look at his father differently.Walking behind his father, Su suddenly saw the grey hair, wrinkles and the halting steps. His eyesdimmed with tears; he always believed that his father would stay young, upright and fearless forever.But don’t fathers become old the moment their children grow up?During lunch together, his father kept offering Su food, asking him to have more. He himself ate very Page | 62

little, but just sat drinking tea, one cup after another, watching his son affectionately. Su wasoverwhelmed with emotions and felt tears come to his eyes again. But no: his fragility would upset hisfather. After all, he was already much taller than his father.When Su went back into the school, his father lingered at the gate for some time. That day, Su had beenreminded, once again, of his father’s immense love. He wanted to become a man like him, a man whowas devoted to his children, his career and his life.Over lunch, Su had talked and talked about school. He told his father about the funny teachers and theserious teachers, the interesting and ‘weird’ classmates, about the difficult exam questions, thought-provoking articles and his reflections… This only thing he did not mention was that he had found thelove of his life. He was not sure whether his father would approve, and didn’t know whether he wouldask to meet Cheng—something which would surely worry them both. But, to Su’s surprise, his fathersoon came to know about the very thing that he had wanted to hide from him.The party committee secretary Su’s school—Weizhou Normal School of Nationalities of SichuanProvince—was Deng. Before his role at the school, Deng had been the party committee secretary ofHeishui County, during which time his driver was Cheng’s father. And, even more coincidentally, Dengand Su’s father were also good friends.One day, Deng and Su’s father attended meeting in Ma’erkang County. That day, Cheng’s fatherhappened to be driving the secretary and the county magistrate of Heishui County to the meeting. Andso, the three men met at the entrance and started chatting.Deng looked at Cheng’s father, and then at Su’s father, and laughed: “What a coincidence! Today I haveto introduce you to each other. This must be fate.”The two fathers were baffled by Deng’s words. Seeing this, Deng said: “Your children are a couple.Both are good students and made for each other; I don’t think their relationship interferes with theirstudy at all. Quite the opposite, in fact: they are doing even better!”On hearing this, the two fathers clasped hands and greeted each other warmly.When Su came home during summer vacation to help with the road-building project, his father casuallyasked him about his school social life. Seeing that Su was not going to bring up the topic of his girlfriend,his father laughed and said: “My son is a grown up indeed. He won’t even tell his father he has agirlfriend now!”Su blushed scarlet. He asked timidly: “Dad, are you against it?”“Why should I be against it? As long as both of you are serious and help each other improve, whatreason do I have to disapprove?” Father’s words put Su at ease. He quickly told this good news toCheng, and discovered that her father also knew already. And so the young couple received blessingsfrom parents on both sides.Soon, Cheng, this town girl, made her first visit to Su’s family. It turned out that this seemingly delicateyoung woman was actually rather tough: she walked for hours on the mountain path with Su to his Page | 63

home; she helped Su’s mother clean the house and courtyard; she went to work in the fields with Su;she ate from the same cauldron with his family; she greeted his brothers and sisters warmly… Cheng’sunaffected and demure manners won her unanimous appreciation from Su’s whole family. Su felt verycontented. His big brother even thumped his chest and said jokingly: “You lucky guy! Treat her well.She’s marrying beneath herself, but we must not let her down.”Happy times are always fleeting. It was already the summer of 1998. When they graduated, they weresupposed to be given a job where they came from. Cheng was assigned a position in YingxiuKindergarten and Su had to work in a primary school on the mountain in Miansi Town, WenchuanCounty. Although Su was working near his hometown, it was a high-lying place with poor livingarrangements, but worst of all was being away from Cheng.When Su got the notice of his appointment, he couldn’t help his tears from falling. Through negotiation,Su was finally assigned to teach in Jizhongcun Village Primary School in Xuankou Town. Loversalways suffer from hardships and obstacles before they are rewarded a happy ending. The distancebetween them would test their love, but Su would tough it out and he believed that Cheng would, too.Of course, there were other comforts. Su’s big sister was married into Jizhongcun Village, which feltlike some compensation: while missing Cheng, he could go and seek family warmth in his sister’s home.And the couple’s lovesickness was soon replaced by a youthful passion for work.Jizhongcun Village Primary School had a package teaching system, meaning that one teacher wouldteach all the courses for an entire grade. As a new teacher, Su had little experience, but more thanenough fervor and diligence. During his five years in Jizhongcun Village, he not only won the approvalof his principal and fellow teachers, but also received recognition from the Education Bureau in townthrough all kinds of contests and activities. When Su’s name was mentioned, no one would identify himas the son of a village party branch secretary; instead, people would talk about him as an outstandingteacher. Cheng gave him the highest praise of all: his capabilities and achievements proved that she hadmade the right choice.In 2000, the two families held a jubilant millennial wedding for the two young people in love.Happiness, frozen in timeAt the time of their marriage, Su and Cheng were earning small salaries and only had savings of 2,000yuan. But neither of them was willing to ask their parents for money to dress up for the wedding. Nothaving wedding photos taken was a life-long regret for Su, but at the time, Cheng was adamant: “Let’ssave the money, since we have to buy an apartment. There’s are many more things that require money.And, if we really want to have photos taken, we can do it for our one-year anniversary. Now we shouldsave more and improve our quality of life first. It’s important to prioritize, isn’t it?” A second later,Cheng seemed to have thought of something else and said in pretended irritation: “Even without thephotos, isn’t this beautiful girl before your eyes every day? Is this not enough for you?”His humorous and practical wife had convinced him. Page | 64

With so much blessing and happiness, Su devoted more of his energy to his work. In 2004, because ofhis outstanding teaching performance, Su was promoted to be dean of academic affairs in the PrimarySchool for Workers and Peasants in Xuankou Town. There were in total four ‘base-point’ schools inWenchuan County, and the Primary School for Workers and Peasants was one of them. A base-pointschool was usually seen as a mid-range school—lower than a central town school but better than avillage school.As new dean of academic affairs, Su excelled in his work. The taste of success had made him even morehopeful for the future: he would develop his abilities and make Cheng adore him. He would make hiswhole family proud. He would teach the students to become useful citizens for the country…Having worked at the school for almost a year, Su was faced with another choice. The school had tomove due to the construction of the Zipingpu Reservoir, and a relative in the Education Bureausuggested: “Su, you’re capable enough to apply for a job in Yingxiu. That way you can reunite withCheng and have better job prospects.”“But my career in Xuankou Town has only just begun. I don’t want to give up and restart like this. Afterthese years of working, I now understand that I teach for the same purpose of educating children, nomatter where I am. Provided I can stay with the children, I’m willing to tolerate the living conditionsand the distance from home.” Su was speaking his mind. He didn’t discuss his decision with Cheng,but believed that she would support him, out of love.Xuankou Town was planning to build a new market town to replace the one that would be submergedby the reservoir. A market town needed a school, so Su decided to stay. But there was a new twist: theconstruction project was aborted due to unsuitable geological conditions. Hearing this news, Chengcommented, smugly: “Haha, want to be away from me and the family? Have no other choice now?Come on, just surrender and get yourself back in Yingxiu.”And so, after all that, Su applied for a job in Yingxiu, and was appointed as a math teacher and a gradesix classroom teacher at the primary school. Back in Yingxiu, Su lived in the kindergarten facultyhousing with his wife. It was a shabby one-bedroom apartment of only 40m2. But after the wife’s carefulrearrangement, it looked no less cosy. Both of them loved nice furniture and a tidy home; to them, itrepresented quality of life. Though they didn’t have much money, they improved their home, little bylittle.On matters of home furnishings, Su let his wife take full charge.“Dear, do you like this? Can we buy it?” asked Cheng.“If you like it, I’ll get it for you,” answered Su.“Dear, I want a comfortable, super-soft sofa. A fabric one is the best. It’ll be super comfy to lie on it,”Cheng looked at Su expectantly, her big eyes blinking.“Yeah, I like fabric sofa too. Let’s go get one together,” Su put his arm around his wife and kissed heron the forehead. Page | 65

“Dear, this wall is too old: I’m going to decorate it. Look, how about putting our photos here? Hmm,I’ll put a painting here, and a lamp in that corner…” Cheng had some new ideas.“Great. We don’t have any wedding photos, but we do look happy, and you’re particularly pretty. I willbe able to see them every day. How can I feel bad when I can see my fairytale wife every day?” Hiswords were full of flattery, but sincere in tone.“Dear, does this desk in the online picture look good to you? It combines the bookshelf and the computerdesk. You can put all your books in it and use your computer there too. It’s so space-saving. So, do youlike it?”“Indeed, it’s reasonably priced.” Su said in admiration.They bought the desk during a trip to Dujiangyan City. Sitting in the corner of the bedroom, the whitedesk with the black computer on it made the room look bright and modern.Cheng liked computer games. Her favorite was an online game called ‘Fantasy Journey to the West’. Itwas cartoon-style, and she was pretty good at it. Of course, the computer was still more of a tool toCheng. When she wanted to buy something for their home, she would look it up online first. To her,this was the way to keep up with the latest trends and find a bargain. The computer they had at homewas an old 486 desktop, and Cheng longed for the quality and convenience of a laptop. But the idea ofone computer for each of them seemed too extravagant for these two educators. She couldn’t convinceherself to buy it.Six months before the earthquake, Su gave Cheng a new laptop for New Year. He had imagined herreactions a thousand times and, just as he had pictured, Cheng threw herself into his arms. Didn’t hesay that he would give her the best life? Yes, he would work hard and pay attention. Anything thatCheng liked, he would give to her. For the woman he loved, he would build a castle of happiness, brickby brick. He bought a stereo system too, and a lot of country music CDs, with the money he had beensaving for a whole year, because Cheng liked listening to country music.Cheng took good care of Su in daily life, arranging everything for him down to what he wore. She hadgood taste and often said: “I’m going to deck you out!” Each time, she made her husband pose like amodel for her in the clothes she had picked for him, and would comment in delight: “Wow, what ahandsome guy you are!” It filled Su with confidence.She kept their home spick and span too, and was an enthusiastic cook with a wide repertoire. Sometimes,Su would sneak into the kitchen and hug her from behind. Then Cheng would shoo him out in pretendedannoyance, warning him not to interfere. But, when the hot oil spluttered as she put the ingredients intothe pot, she would shriek: “Chenggang, help!”Domestic moments like this were heart-warming, and romantic.The couple always chatted over dinner, telling each other things that had happened at school ordiscussing family matters. The TV would be on, because Cheng liked the lively background noise. Suliked to drink a little beer before a meal. As he savored the drink beer carefully, he watched his wifechatting with her colleague in front of the apartments. There was a playground and a big lawn facing Page | 66

the building. Sometimes his wife would wear a long dress, sometimes T-shirt and jeans. When it wascold, she would wrap a colorful scarf around her neck… Cheng was always beautiful, and drew himdeeply in.After cleaning up at the end of the meal, Su would lie back on the comfy sofa and watch the news. At7:30pm, Cheng would be back promptly and would join her husband on the sofa. But she was alwaysrestless: one minute she would be lying on his lap, the next, asking him to hold her hand; then she wouldpeel an apple and insist that he eat it… They didn’t try for a baby until their eighth year of marriage.They wanted to enjoy life together while they were young.When Su was working in Xuankou Town in the early days of their relationship, he commuted bymotorcycle. But after just two years, and much to Su’s anguish, it was stolen. A few days later, when hewas reading the newspaper, he discovered that his wife’s lottery had won a prize of 4,000-somethingyuan. He went to Cheng in excitement. She was playing mahjong with her colleagues and couldn’tunderstand why her husband was so full of energy and kept asking when she would be ready to go.When they got home, Su took her in his arms spun her round and round, exclaiming: “We won! 4,000yuan!”Cheng burst into laughter: “Oh, oh, we won a lottery! I’m going to buy you a new motorcycle as apresent!”“Well well well, that’s my wife’s reward for her husband. But can I give her a kiss first?” Su kissed herdeeply.Later, as Cheng was used the pot lid to fend off the spluttering oil, Su would put his helmet on and pullhis wife out of the kitchen, saying: “Am I not cool! With my new helmet, my wife never needs to worryabout splashing oil anymore!” Cheng doubled over with laughter.Cheng, too, was funny. She had a particular way of walking with both her hands on her chest, and sortof skipped along. On several occasions, Su was so amused walking behind her that he couldn’t takeanother step forward. Embarrassed, Cheng would playfully thump her husband’s chest: “Hey, what badmanners! This is how I walked when we met, and how I’ve walked for more than 20 years. Now youthink it’s a problem, that it’s funny?”Cheng open, pretty and outgoing. When they were first dating, Cheng would walk hand in hand withSu on campus, wearing a pair of glasses and her long hair flowing. The sight always attracted manyadmiring looks and made Su feel pleased. He joked: “See, I’m more excellent than you, because if not,why would someone as excellent as you choose to be with me?” Su did say that his wife was excellent,so how could he laugh at the way she walked, right?Cheng was also popular among the children she taught in the kindergarten school. Since they didn’t gohome during lunch break, they always gathered around Cheng and asked her to sing songs, tell storiesor play with them.Because Su went to the kindergarten for lunch each day—all the kids knew who their teacher’s husbandwas. But they didn’t like their teacher to be ‘stolen’ away by this handsome man, so they tried hard to Page | 67

keep him away. Sometimes Cheng would purposefully ignore Su to make the children happy. Othertimes, she would point to Su and say to the children: “You should not treat him like this. He’s also ateacher at the kindergarten, the only male teacher!” Then, Su would put on his serious face: “Sit down,sit down. Put your hands behind your back. I’m going to check whether you’ve memorized the ThreeCharacter Primer.”Su and Cheng’s life was full of sunshine and energy. “I felt that every day was worthwhile, because Iwas so happy and contented.” Before the earthquake, the building they lived in was going to bedemolished and replaced by new faculty apartment buildings for kindergarten and primary schoolteachers built by the Education Bureau. Each family would pay 30,000 yuan for their apartment.Because of the demolition, Su and Cheng had to move out of their old home.For a few months, they lived in temporary accommodation in the primary school. It was a two-bedroomapartment on the ground floor, and although it wasn’t ideal, the new place was much more spacious.Before they moved, Cheng said: “Although we will only live there for half a year or so, we still need tomake it really comfortable.” So, during the weekend, the two of them hired plasterer to paint all thewalls white. They also found renovation workers to add French doors to the balcony, making theapartment breezy and bright. They reinforced the balcony, too, because Cheng said to Su: “Sometimeswhen you’re away, I feel scared being alone at home.”After a week of hard work, their new home looked clean, bright and comfortable. They moved in onSaturday. The earthquake happened on Monday.Over the weekend, many boxes remained unopened and many things were out of place, but they madedo. They planned to spend their evenings that week tidying up and decorating. No one knew that thosetwo nights were all they would ever spend in their new apartment.Every Monday, Yingxiu Primary School would hold a flag-raising ceremony. Su was waiting on theexercise ground. He turned his head and saw Cheng, walking with a colleague towards the kindergarten.They waved and smiled at each other.At noon, Su decided that instead of going to the kindergarten to have lunch with his wife, he would goback to the apartment to tidy. It was the first time since he started working at Yingxiu that they didn’thave lunch together. At the cafeteria, when Su went to get food, the server asked why he wasn’t havinglunch with Cheng. Su answered happily: “After lunch I’m going to clean up my apartment and give mywife a pleasant surprise!”The memory of their greeting that morning, when he’d turned and seen Cheng from the exercise groundwas one he would never forget and the source of a life-time of heartache. The last view of his wifedisturbed him whenever he thought of it. If he could choose again, how would he spend that lunch breakwith his beloved woman? But history could not be undone, and his love was destined to be buried deepin his heart from that day on. The earthquake shattered their dreams, their happiness, their sweet life,and that image of Cheng, youthful, was forever frozen in time. Page | 68

Love can never be erasedIn Su’s second semester at Yingxiu Primary School, Principal Tan saw that he was a capable andinsightful young teacher. He proposed to the school board that they promote Su to the position of officedirector. And the board agreed passed.Su then worked in the same office with the principal. But Tan was not a talkative person, and the twoof them spoke only about work. This made Su even more focused on his job, and he tried harder to doeverything better. The principal believed in him; he could not let him down or neglect his responsibilities.And of course, to win his wife’s admiration was reason enough for him to strive to be better. Whichisn’t to say that Su didn’t have fun: in their spare time, Su, Dong, Liu and a few others formed a schoolbasketball team. They each paid 10 yuan per month to cover the necessary equipment and scheduled amatch every few days or so. Sometimes they played among themselves, and sometimes with peopleoutside the school.Soon it was the weekend again. Whose parents were they going to visit? Su and Cheng exchanged aknowing look and made the same decision. Su’s father had worked hard all his life and his mother wastoo old and frail to walk on the mountain paths day after day. The year that Su got married, hesuccessfully persuaded his parents to sell their house on the mountain and buy a place on the old streetsof Miansi Town. Visiting his parents suddenly became much easier.Cheng and her parents talked about almost everything together. They would discuss things that upsether at school, which dish in the cafeteria she hated most, the subjects she disliked, the new lawn oncampus—and even the love letters she had received from a certain boy... By comparison, Su’sconversations with his parents were much more matter of fact: always about school performance, familyaffairs and his mother’s health. After Su got married, there seemed to be even less that they could talkabout. His father would only ever say: “Work hard at your job. Don’t get distracted now that you’remarried. A husband must be devoted and responsible. And treat her parents well…”But Su knew how deeply his parents cared about him. After he started working, he had his job to do,his own family to take care of and Cheng’s parents to visit during breaks. Visits to his own parentsdecreased noticeably. They often asked Su’s brother to pass on a message, saying that he should visitthem if he had time. But they never said how much they missed him.When Su’s parents moved to Miansi Town, his father was already retired. But he was still active andrunning small businesses by himself. For example, he would buy scrap steel from construction sites andresell it. When father and son met, they would talk about business, about what his father did and howhe succeeded. They talked very little about anything that happened in their daily life, though his motherwould sometimes ask about his relationship with Cheng and the health of his parents-in-law. Su’ssiblings were all married and working in different places, so they did not see much of each other either.Usually they just called each other up. But Su always remembered how well his siblings treated him.Their support was the main reason that Su enjoyed an easy and happy life in normal school.From the first year of marriage, Su had been looking forward to Chinese New Year, like a child. It wasthe only time that the whole family could get together. And, as it was his father’s birthday around the Page | 69

same time, it was also the only time he and his brothers were allowed to get drunk. Despite theirmother’s reminders: “Don’t get drunk again this year!”, the men talked together freely about theircareer, their lives and their future plans, it was hard for them not to relax and drink too much. Theirmother sat nearby, listening happily and occasionally serving tea or filling their wine cups. Their father,too, looked on with affection.Chinese New Year in Cheng’s family busy too. Twenty or so relatives would gather and stay up all nighton New Year’s Eve. The women would be busy preparing dinner, while the men sat together drinkingand chatting. Of course, the center of conversation was always Cheng’s father. But his role as head ofthe family wasn’t down to his job title—Cheng’s second uncle used to be the director of the famousHongyuan Milk Powder Plant before he was reappointed to work in the party committee of HongyuanCounty, and her youngest uncle worked in a legal institution in Aba Prefecture. No, he was theunshakable pillar of family because of his magnanimous personality, erudition and favor from theirfather.The older generations would talk about current affairs, beliefs and society, while Su and Cheng’sbrother-in-law could only listen. Occasionally they would offer their opinions but felt their lack of lifeexperience acutely. Cheng’s youngest uncle was the one who talked with Su the most. An elder as hewas, he felt more like a friend to Su. They would discuss a variety of topics, and Su learned much fromhim.When dinner was finally ready, only the men could eat at the table. Su’s father-in-law would open abottle of good wine that he’d been saving. The two sons-in-law would receive special treatment, andCheng’s father would pour wine for them and wish them well in everything. He would remind them tokeep the family harmonious and work hard at their jobs. The women and children gathered around thetea table. The not-too-big room teemed with joy and peace.Little by little, the young couple started to instill new ideas into the elder’s minds: “Nowadays, eatingout during New Year is much more fashionable.” For their parents, eating out during New Year wasunimaginable. But one year, in 2005, they agreed to try something different—and of course discoveredhow enjoyable and time-saving it was to have a professionally cooked New Year’s Eve dinner!Because Su had to go home for his father’s birthday on the seventh day of the New Year, all the get-togethers in Cheng’s family would be arranged before the fourth day. Su was touched by how his father-in-law emphasized their family bond. He liked everyone in the family, and had particular affection forCheng’s grandparents. In Cheng’s family, her grandparents were called gong (grandpa) or po (grandma).The single characters sounded affable, even childish. Gong and po loved their grandchildren very muchand would prepare a full table of dishes for them to eat. Because of such affection, the young peoplenaturally loved and respected them a lot.Once, when Cheng’s grandfather fainted at home because of his heart problems and was taken intohospital, Su asked for leave from work and went to take care of him. He loved the old man and wouldn’twant anything bad to happen to him. To Su’s relief, it was nothing serious. Cheng’s parents wereappreciative of Su’s dedication, and Cheng was also very proud. She certainly had found the right man.Before the earthquake, apart from Su’s little brother who died as a child, and Cheng’s grandfather, who Page | 70

had heart problems, there were no deaths of serious illnesses. How could it be that, of all people, it wasCheng who wouldn’t survive the disaster. Page | 71

Chapter 4. EarthquakeWeekend at the Tangs’11 May 2008 was a Sunday, and Mother’s Day. With such a busy job, Dong didn’t often have time tovisit his parents, but that day, he took his wife and son to his parents-in-law’s in Wenchuan County.As soon as they arrived, Dong Xuhao called loudly: “Grandpa, grandma: we’re here!” Before hisgrandfather had even come out of the house to greet them, the little boy had rushed over to the cherrytree in the courtyard, looking up into its branches and asking loudly: “Grandpa, grandpa: why are thereso few cherries this year?”“You little piggy, are you missing me or the cherries?” the old man asked his grandson in feigneddisapproval as he stepped out of the house. “The way you called me made me felt like a little ‘GourdBrother’ was coming. So you met some monster again?” Everyone laughed. Xuhao was red-faced as hetried to reach for the cherries on the lowest branches. Seeing this, his grandfather quickly came overand got Xuhao’s back: “Do you want me to carry you like before?”“Grandpa, are you still able to carry me? I’m almost 12 years old, and I should carry you now,” Xuhaoanswered, out of breath as he reached for the cherries.Finally getting what he was after, he wiped the fruits roughly on his shirt-tail and pushed them towardshis grandfather’s mouth: “Grandpa, this is for you.” His grandfather bit in one of the cherries andsavored it, saying: “The cherry my grandson picked for me tastes super sweet!”“Dad, you’re spoiling him,” Tang Chaoxiang said and turned to her son: “You didn’t even wash thembefore you gave them to grandpa.” Grandfather and grandson winked at each other: “What a spoilsport!” They took each other’s hands and walked towards the tap.When everyone was seated inside, Dong took out his gifts for the parents one by one. His mother-in-law scolded him gently: “You’re wasting money again. We have everything we need in the housealready.” His father-in-law sat quietly, watching his dear grandson.“Mom, this is not a waste of money. These are all high in nutrition. You two eat these and keepyourselves in good health, so that you can enjoy the good life. And anyway, Tang was embarrassed tosay by herself, but this is actually a Mother’s Day gift to you from her.”Tang blushed: “It’s true. And actually it was Xuhao who reminded me: he drew a picture all by himselfand gave it to me as Mother’s Day present. He told me to get a nice haircut at the salon, saying that awoman should take care of her looks. This child is just like a little adult; he understands more and morenow.”At Tang’s words, everyone turned their heads towards little Xuhao, who was in the courtyard absorbedin a new book his grandfather had bought for him. The red cherries above his head shone in the sunlight,swaying with the breeze. Page | 72

That Sunday at the Tangs’ was full of laughter and sweetness. Even Tang excitedly climbed up thecherry tree in her slippers to pick cherries, saying this was what she used to do when she was little.Xuhao teased her for being naughty for quite a while.And then the moon rose, and it was 12 May.All is over in a momentMany visitors to Yingxiu said the town was like an emerald in the clouds. Its beauty was ineffable.Local people like Dong were embraced in the green mountains and winding rivers, living a life oftranquil ease. Looking out from the platform halfway up Xiangzhangpo Hill, you could see YingxiuPrimary School, where Dong and Tang both worked. Along the Yuzixi river were the school buildings—the teaching rooms, faculty apartments and cafeteria—forming an impressive line. At its center was aflag pole.It was noon in Yingxiu. The sun reached its zenith, burning bright over the quiet campus. After half aday of classes, teachers and students were hurrying home to eat.Xuhao went back to the apartment and saw lunch reserved for him on the tea table. Dong raised hishead from the computer screen and said to him: “Son, your mom didn’t have time to do grocery shoppingtoday, so she got you some food from the cafeteria. Eat as much as you like, and have some fruit.”Xuhao replied, “OK”, and changed into slippers and washed his hands. He turned on the TV and beganto eat his lunch in front of the news, without disturbing his father.Dong was busy working, so didn’t disturb Xuhao either. A few days before, the Yingxiu Primary Schoolteachers took part in a teaching contest, and Tang had been awarded second place. Dong was drawingup the final list for the principal to sign off that afternoon. But he was listless and tired, and his brainseemed to have stopped working properly. He looked at the time and decided to take a nap.The moment Dong’s head touched the pillow, he was asleep and dreaming. He felt as though he wasbeing chased by something but was unable to move. He was woken by someone shouting his name.Heart pounding, he jumped from the bed: “What? What’s up!?”Xuhao, who was putting on his shoes in the hall, pushed open the bedroom door and saw his fatherstanding still, barefoot. The boy laughed: “Dad, nothing happened. Mom was calling me to have somecherries.” The fruit they had picked the day before wouldn’t last long, so Tang had washed some forher son and given some to Su Chenggang, who had just moved into their building. She had shouted tonaughty Xuhao, who was running off without them.“Then you’d better eat some,” said Dong, as he put on his slippers and walked into the living room,Such a grown-up man as he was, how could he have woken up in such a fright like that? Xuhao walkedback to the tea table. He picked two cherries and tossed them into his mouth: “The second class thisafternoon is P.E. I will eat them when I come back after that.” And with that, he smiled at Dong andhurried downstairs.Tang was on the balcony, her back towards him, preparing the evening’s pork stew dish. Looking at her, Page | 73

Dong said nothing and left too. It was 1.40pm.In the office, Dong was thoroughly engrossed in his work. Finally lifting his head, he was startled tosee his wife standing in front of him. “What’s up with you today?” grumbled Tang, “You seem sonervous and jumpy. I’m just here to give you these.” She left a pile of documents on the desk and walkedtowards the door. Dong said nothing. He filed the documents and refocused on the computer screen.Immediately after Tang left, Liu Bo, a teacher in charge of the Universal Education promotion, came inwith a large stack of paperwork. He remarked on how tired Dong looked. Dong answered: “I do feelexhausted. I never take a nap at noon, but I did today and slept for about an hour.”“Me too,” said Liu Bo. “I was lying there watching TV, and I just fell asleep. But there’s so much to doand none of it is straightforward. I have to get going.” Liu Bo sat down in front of the computer andbegan flipping through the files.“No hurry. Take your time.” As the dean of academic affairs, Dong comforted Liu Bo.At 2.20pm, Dong finally finished making teaching competition list. He hurried to the principal, TanGuoqiang’s office to finalize the details.When Dong entered, Tan was on the phone. Figuring the call might take a while, Dong stepped backout into the corridor. He saw his wife in the office next to his. She was borrowing a red pen from anotherteacher, Yu Qin, to mark the students’ homework. Dong’s office was close to Tang’s class, so she wasplanning to mark the students’ homework there. He said nothing, but waited in the corridor, staringblankly out of the window.Sensing Tan’s phone call was over, he returned to Tan’s office and presented the list. He watched theprincipal check the rankings, line by line. “Mr. Tan, do we give honor certificates in addition to themoney awards?” asked Dong.As he said this, Dong realized that he should have first asked Dong Jinfei about the prizes: “Mr. Tan,please don’t sign yet! I forget to put the total on it. I’ll calculate it now.” He took back the list andstarted punching figures into the calculator that was on the desk. Tan called Dong Jinfei over and pointedto the list in Dong’s hand: “You two should discuss whether we should give honor certificates and holdceremonies along with the money awards to the teachers who had won prizes. Or is there any other waywe can publicly recognize them?”Suddenly the teaching building juddered, as if something had prodded it from underneath. And then, itbegan to shake from side to side.Tan stood up from his chair. The three men’s eyes met.“Earthquake!” cried Dong.In Ma’erkang, where Dong went to school, earthquakes were frequent. He had experienced threeearthquakes there. The first, was during the night, when he was woken by a booming sound and the bedshaking. His classmate sleeping on the upper bunk jumped down and ran straight out without pants. Page | 74

Dong didn’t yet have the instinct to run, nor did he think it was anything serious. The second earthquakeDong experienced was on a Saturday, when he was playing football with friends. Similarly, he firstheard a loud thud from underground, and then felt dizzy. Everything swayed before his eyes, includingthe dorm building. The third earthquake happened when Dong was watching a movie. That time, hewas scared. The horrifying roar from below was different from a blast and felt like it was trying to drageverything into the molten lava below the ground. Now, standing in Tan’s office, Dong knew that anearthquake was coming.“Earthquake?” Tan and Dong Jinfei repeated his words, looking at each other in disbelief.After a split-second pause, Dong Jinfei dashed out of the office. Dong Xuefeng and Tan followed himinto the corridor and ran towards the stairs, stopping at the computer classroom to shout into the room:“Earthquake! An earthquake is coming! Run, quick!”At that moment, the second seismic wave had not yet hit.Yu Qin, another teacher from the neighboring office appeared: “What’s up?”Tan answered anxiously and loudly: “An earthquake is coming! Why are you still standing here?” YuQin turned and ran towards the stairs. Tan and Dong ran behind her.Now the second wave came. The whole staircase swayed like a swing, like a suspension bridge, andpeople couldn’t stand upright. “This place is unsafe. We must get to the exercise ground quickly!”But everything was happening too fast. The earth was trembling vehemently; the buildings shaking; theglass breaking; the school was falling apart. Dong held onto the handrail and jumped out of the stairwell,with which a huge shockwave threw him to the ground. He tried hard to get up, but staggered backwards.Many children had already made it out to the exercise ground, where some children were having theirP.E. class. Almost all were crying. Lying prone on the floor, Dong sensed that the earthquake was notover yet. He shouted in the direction of the exercise ground: “Get down! Get down!”As his words faded, Tan staggered to the exercise ground, shouting to the children: “Don’t panic!Everybody get down!”The earth began to jolt even more crazily. Cracks, 10cm wide, appeared beside Dong as he struggled tostand. Fallen debris dropped down into the fissures, only for the cracks to close again, forever sealingthe bricks deep in the earth. Dong got to his feet, and in a second, toppled over again. The booming wasgetting louder, and he couldn’t even lie on the ground without rolling. He felt like a boat in a storm,tossed and flung about, unable to escape. “It’s all over. Everything is over. Will I sink? Will it stop?”Amid the booming of the earth, he heard things around him collapse and fall. Despairing, Dong felt hewas being thrown cruelly towards the gate to Hell and at any moment the door to the human worldcould be forever closed to him.All at once, everything was quiet. “It stopped! It stopped!” Dong was ecstatic. Page | 75

But how could it be so quiet? There was no sound at all.Dong quickly got up. He could see nothing but the dark yellow smoke of dust. He covered his mouthand nose with his sleeves, and the dust began to settle. Finally Dong could see the teachers and childrenon the exercise ground. Everyone was covered in a thick layer of white dust, no-one identifiable.He turned. The three school buildings behind him had all collapsed, dust still rising into the air.“Are these the only buildings that fell?” Dong thought, confused, and wishful. But when he lookedaround, everything his eyes could reach was gone.Suddenly, he heard a shrill cry: “Help!”It was Tan. With only a moment’s pause, he ran to his principal. Tan sat on the debris, beating at hisown chest, wailing: “My children! My poor children!” Seeing this, Dong seemed to have lost the abilityto think or feel. He couldn’t even cry. Tan wiped the tears from his face and hurried to count the childrenon the exercise ground. Dong followed close behind.***Hearing the principal’s cry, Su Chenggang was pulled back to reality. He picked himself up, shook outhis arms, and hurried to the exercise ground too.Hours earlier, at noon, Su, had been playing basketball with a few of the other teachers. “What strangeweather: first hot, now cold,” they had commented.With no afternoon classes, Su went to the archives, on the fifth floor of the comprehensive building. Hefound a document he needed, browsed it for a while, then he decided to take it back to his office to readproperly. As he left, he suddenly remembered that he needed to call China Telecommunications. He andhis wife Cheng had just moved into their new apartment, and they were without internet. Cheng likedto play online games, so he needed to get the connection set up as soon as possible. With the documentin one hand and his cell phone in the other, Su walked towards the faculty apartment building.Their new home was on the ground floor. As he entered, his call went through to the telecoms company.He had heard from one of the kindergarten teachers that it was surprisingly quick to get a connectioninstalled, and he had the all the application details he needed ready on the bedside table.But suddenly, the call went dead, the connection broken.The floor underneath his feet seemed to be moving, and there was a booming sound that seemed tocome from deep underground.Seconds later, everything returned to normal. Could it have been the blasting from a construction site?No, thought Su, instinctively. It didn’t feel like that.Before he had time to give it another thought, the trembling returned, and much stronger than before.The fixtures on the ceiling fell. Page | 76

What’s going on? Su was confused, but instinctively reached for the door handle. But the door wastwisted already and he couldn’t push it open, however hard he tried. He wasn’t thinking about what wasgoing on anymore; he was entirely focused on opening the door and getting out of the apartment. Witha loud kick, the door fell, and Su dashed outside. The earth was still booming. He was barely clear ofthe door when he was knocked over by a shock, and was launched sideways into the gardens near theexercise ground.Looking back, Su saw that the building he’d just escaped from collapse in ruins. Through the risingdust, he saw students crowding the corridor, teachers pushing them towards the stairs. In the blink ofan eye, the teaching building, comprehensive building, and cafeteria all fell, leaving the campus indebris. The ground was ripped by cracks, roaring and trembling. The people on the exercise groundwere falling to the ground…A menacing crack appeared in the ground where Su had fallen. He rolled over, away from it, stillclutching his cell phone. It was like a grinning devil, threatening to devour everything. He knew then,that this was an earthquake. Oh, no, no! The ground is tearing open! If I fall in, I won’t be able to getout! But by the time the thought had crossed his mind, the crack had already closed up again.Su couldn’t roll away anymore in the fierce shaking; he lay prostrate on the ground, praying for it toend.After what must have been ten seconds, everything fell quiet. Standing up, Su walked, dazed, alongexercise ground. He saw teachers and students on the floor, and the principal on the track. Everythingelse was obscured in dust and thick smoke. It was as though an atomic bomb had hit. The campus wasin ruins, including the apartment building from which he’d escaped, and the comprehensive buildingwhere he had been just minutes before to collect the document he needed.The teaching building, though, was still just about standing. Student were trying to get down the stairsand out, but most of the corridors had disappeared, and exit routes cut off. The only remaining passageconnecting two buildings was still hanging dangerously. From where he stood, he could just about seeteachers running after the students, urging them to move fast.All that he could hear then was crying.“Help!” cried the principal. And then, a moment later, “My children! My poor children!”In a few quick steps, Su ran to the exercise ground and met Liu Zhongneng. The two men looked ateach other and wept.***That morning, after Liu got up, he asked his son what he wanted to have for lunch. The boy saiddumplings. Liu’s wife, Kong Li, had classes the whole morning, so after breakfast, Liu went to themarket to buy the leeks and dumpling wrappings. Usually, his wife and mother-in-law would do thegrocery shopping, but his parents-in-law had just bought a new apartment in Wenchuan and went backa week ago to decorate. Of course Liu would go to the market for his wife and son. But he never thoughtthis would be the last thing he ever did for them. Page | 77

Liu didn’t know how to make dumplings at all, but he got everything ready – washing and cutting theleek, dicing the pork and boiling the water. When Kong came back, she immediately smelled the leekand praised Liu for preparing everything so well. They talked as she put on her apron and started tomake the dumplings.“Wow, the dumplings smell really good,” said Liu Xusiyu as he came in for lunch.Liu remembers clearly his son gulping down eight dumplings without a moment’s hesitation, saying:“So delicious! So tasty! Mom, you make the best dumplings in the world.”“I bought the leek. I diced the pork. I even boiled the water to cook the dumplings!” said Liu. “Aren’tyou going to say something nice to me?”Liu Xusiyu, grinned: “Okay, okay. I admit that my dad is the best kitchen assistant in the world.” Andthe family laughed.After lunch, Siyu wanted to play for a while on the exercise ground. Liu said to him: “You can, but beback by 1.40pm.” The son cheered and rushed downstairs.As promised, Siyu came back on time. Liu made a cup of cocoa for his son and poured it into his bottle.Looking at his son rushing happily downstairs again, Liu smiled lovingly.After a whole morning’s teaching, Kong Li was a bit tired: “I have to take a nap,” she told Liu, “Closethe door when you leave.”“You go and take your nap,” he replied. “I’m going to do some online browsing for a while and thenhead to class.”When Liu left for school, Kong Li was already fast asleep on the sofa. Usually, Liu would wake hiswife before going to his afternoon classes. But cooking the dumplings had taken time, and he wantedto let her rest a little longer. Seeing her in deep slumber, Liu left her sleeping and closed the door softlybehind him.Out of the door, he thought about how Siyu had praised him during lunch and laughed. Then hequickened his steps towards the comprehensive building, humming to himself. Before his first afternoonclass began, Liu heard a colleague in the office speak to Kong Li on the phone about something at work.But she must have fallen asleep again after hanging up the phone.His decision to leave Kong Li sleeping would become the regret of Liu’s life. After the earthquake, hehad thought about it countless times: What if he had woken her up? What if she got up after the phonecall? Would she… If it were not for the afternoon classes, where would he be, since he also had thehabit of taking a nap? But there are no ‘ifs’ in history; what happens is unchangeable.When the earthquake happened, Liu was giving a P.E. class, and would have given another after that toClass Two, Grade Six, at 3.30pm. Liu liked the children in that class. He remembered that the day beforea lesson, two or three children from Class Two would come to his office to ask him how to prepare. Page | 78

The children at Yingxiu didn’t have much in the way of sports equipment – just one or two basketballs,skipping ropes and table tennis bats made of board. They didn’t even have a football, and anyway, thecampus was too small for them to play soccer. Still, the children were all well behaved and did as theywere instructed, so Liu enjoyed teaching them and found it easy. If he showed them how to jump overthe pommel horse, the children would imitate him and practice straightaway.But before he could teach Class Two at 3.30pm, the earthquake came, and destroyed everything.The violent trembling of the earth hurtled Liu and the children to the ground. When the shaking abated,nothing was visible around them. Liu’s mouth, nose and lungs were all filled with dust that could notbe coughed out.Getting to his feet again, Liu’s first reaction was to run towards the classroom, where his students were.On his way, he met some of the children who had managed to escape.“Did you all get out?” asked Liu.Just us few.” The students cried.Liu stopped and took them back to the exercise ground where everyone was gathering. Then he ranback once more towards the teaching building.He had to be quick: his son was on the ground floor of the six-storey building. Three of the four cornershad already collapsed, and his son’s classroom was in that one corner still hanging.Su saw Liu running, twice, towards the preschool classroom. The dust was too heavy; Liu could hardlybreathe.When, on his second attempt, he reached the classroom, Liu found a window that could still be opened.The aftershocks kept coming, but he didn’t care anymore. He climbed into the open window, shoutingand calling. The air was filled with cries and shouts of ‘help’. It was a bone-chilling cacophony of noise.Liu soon lost his voice. His blood turned cold.“It was such a huge earthquake. Even we adults were scared to death, not to mention those 6-year-oldchildren. The children…” Liu says. He could barely imagine what they were feeling.Another aftershock came, and he almost fell to the ground.Su also charged towards the hallway of the teaching building. But just after a few steps, as he stoppedto catch his breath, the whole building collapsed. The only remaining corner of the building collapsedwith a roar. Su lost his balance and fell.Liu shouted out in despair. He knew that Siyu was in there, and though he told himself there was noway that his son could be saved, he couldn’t accept the fact. He stood on the rubble, calling again andagain. Where was he? He couldn’t hear his son at all.Rocks were still falling incessantly onto the track. Su stood up again and covered his mouth with hisshirt. “Squat down! Squat down!” he told the children around him, “Don’t scream.” He was too Page | 79

horrified to think about or know what to do, but told the children not to scream simply becausescreaming would add to the already pervading despair.He checked that the school flagpole was still standing firm, and that it wouldn’t fall and injure anyone.Worrying that the air might contain poisonous gas, he told the squatting children: “Cover your mouthwith your clothes like this, quick!”After calming them down, Su stood dumbly at the center of the rubble. He didn’t know what he coulddo, or what he could ask the children to do. He thought of Cheng. What could have happened on herside of the campus, when everything here was destroyed? He realized he’d been holding his cell phoneall along. But when he checked it, there was no signal at all.The dust from the fallen buildings blinded everything. The teachers and children, who were runningand rushing just moments ago, were now devoured by the dust and rubble.That moment when all the buildings finally collapsed haunted Su for years. Before that moment, therewas a rumbling sound from below when the earth trembled. But once all had collapsed, everything wasquiet. No cries or shouts could be heard; all was gone in a second.Tremor, collapse, cracks, dead silence, chaos… These were people’s common impressions of WenchuanEarthquake. Shock, rushing, fear … numbness and helplessness. The end of world couldn’t feel worsethan this.Tan’s cry broke through the air. “My children!” Su hurried to his side.Standing on the rubble, Liu looked at the few remaining students gathered on the exercise ground andtears fell from his eyes. He wiped them quickly away and ran to Tan and Dong.Out of the ruinsSoon, a dozen of young men from the tobacco company arrived, and Tan, standing on the debris, startedto briefly strategize the rescue. Someone on the spot captured the very first attempt of rescue with acamera. At that moment, Liu was inconsolable.Having been assigned tasks, people quickly dispersed in different directions and went to look forsurvivors.Dong caught sight of a student, Peng Genyou, from his class and asked him hurriedly: “Did anyoneelse in our class get out?”“I don’t know” said the boy.“What class were you having? Did the teacher tell you to run?”“It was art class. I was standing near the rostrum waiting for my homework to be marked. The teachertold us to run, so I ran.” Page | 80

So, Peng managed to escape because he was closest to the door. Dong’s heart sank. What should he dothen? Where were all the other students? He hurriedly wrote list of their names and gave it to someonebeside him and returned to the ruins.When the rescue efforts began, order started to return to the campus, which was in all cuts and bruises.The female teachers counted the students on the exercise ground, while the male teachers began diggingin the rubble in search of surviving students. Su and a few other teachers took the children to the lawnat the gate and then hurried back to the collapsed buildings.The first student Dong found in the rubble was Li Wenqian. He traced her voice and found her buried,faced covered with blood. Dong tried to lift the big slates but couldn’t. “Don’t worry,” he told her. “I’mgoing to get some more hands to help. We’ll get you out of here.”Li was very understanding: “No problem, Mr. Dong.”As Dong walked towards the back of the teaching building, another aftershock came. He began to panicand wanted to run away, afraid that the remaining pillars and slates might fall. The aftershock passed,and Dong soon arrived at the hallway of the building, where lots of children were trapped. But someparents had arrived and were rescuing the children along with the teachers. Many were saved.In case of another aftershock, Dong found some large planks of wood to prop up the hallway. Morechildren were found buried, so Dong and the others went to rescue in the back. The earth started shakingagain, vice-principal Zhang Chundong was bounced off the roof, where he was standing, as though hewas a rubber ball. Everyone, including Dong, was terrified.Tan ordered everyone of them to retreat. If they kept climbing up, there might be more casualties whenaftershocks came. But, thinking of the children buried there, they couldn’t give up. So they worked upthe nerve and carried on. After going up and down a few times, they stopped being scared, and nobodythought of running away in the aftershocks that followed.Dong’s class was on the top floor of the building. Worrying about his students, he climbed to the topfloor to look for them. But he was shocked by what he saw: the roofs of the four floors were all stackedtogether now. “How could the children survive this…”He began to call the children’s names, one by one, after each call crouching down to listen for a reply.But he heard nothing. He tried to dig into the bricks with his hands, but even after his fingers were raw,the bricks hadn’t moved an inch. There was nothing he could do but return to the front of the buildingand continue the rescue efforts with parents and colleagues.The first child rescued from the stairwell was Tao Yi. He wasn’t even injured. When he saw Dong afterhe got out, the first thing he said was: “Mr. Dong, I’m feeling so dizzy. Who knew that Yingxiu wouldhave such a big earthquake!”Sometime later, Dong met Tao’s mother at the Sichuan University of Finance and Economics. She toldhim that when Tao ran to the corner of the stairway, he squatted down and clasped his hands around hishead. That was why he didn’t get hurt. Before the earthquake, Tao happened to have read a book onearthquakes. Page | 81

What Tao’s mother said filled Dong with the sense of guilt and remorse. Among the texts that he taughtto the Grade Five classes, one was called Father and son in the earthquake. When he was teaching thetext to the students, he put more emphasis on the emotional bond between the father and son and forgotto teach the children about self-protection during an earthquake. Though in the past he had taughtstudents about what to do in case of disasters like fire, he never made the children actually practice whatthey learned. In the 2008 Wenchuan earthquake, not one child in Yingxiu used a schoolbag to protecttheir head.Dong so regretted that he never told his students things like that. Nor did he teach his own son abouthow to protect himself. Whenever his son went out, he had to be accompanied by adult – even whenhe 10 years old. Reflecting on this, Dong felt this was an act of overindulgence that everyone should beaware of. When educating the children, both parents and teachers had the responsibility to teach childrenabout how to protect themselves. If Tao could learn such things from books and put it into practice, whycouldn’t other children?Su was busy pulling people out of the ruins. Whenever he saw students from his class, he would ask:“Who’s still in there? Is there anyone beside you?”Soon, a girl named Huang Siyu was pulled out. Lying on the lawn, it was clear she had lost a leg.Su had never seen such a terrible sight. The students rescued before Huang were mostly on the surfaceof the rubble, and no one was injured as severely as her. His nose twitched and tears fell again.The stub of the girl’s broken leg was not bleeding; it was covered in thick, white dust and seemed tohave been drained of blood. Someone bandaged the leg with a red scarf. A doctor attended to her.Huang’s younger sister was sitting beside her and wailing incessantly. Su turned his head and saw a fewfamiliar children. “Who is still there?” he asked, “How many in our class got out?” Huang’s sistercried louder and louder. Huang’s turned to her and said, seriously: “What are you crying for? So manyof my classmates are still buried underneath!” Her courage amazed Su.Once Huang had been properly bandaged, Su returned to the rubble. Suddenly, he was seized by Tan,who said: “You go to the town government quickly and report the situation here to them.”So Su became the first person to leave the school. When he got out of the school gate, he was totallylost; there were no streets or roads in Yingxiu anymore. It was all in ruins.Hesitating for a few seconds, Su looked at the two pillars, still standing, at the school’s entrance, at thedestroyed gate and the janitor’s room. He was saddened by the scene. All of this used to be so familiarto him. But in a sudden, everything was deformed and indistinguishable.Collecting himself, Su began to clamber over the rubble. He met many parents on his way, who askedhim frantically “What has happened to the school?” He didn’t know how to tell them, but could onlysay: “Get there as quickly as possible.”In those moments, Su didn’t think about himself at all. Even when he was passing through a danglingtower crane, he didn’t think once about the crane falling onto him. He couldn’t afford to care; he had to Page | 82

get to the town government as soon as possible and ask for help to save the children who might still bealive beneath the debris.When Su reached the Yingxiu Bay Power Plant Hotel, he heard people crying for help in the ruins. Buthe didn’t stop. He could do very little by himself, but he could get the help that was needed.Passing the hotel, Su saw the mayor of the town. Feeling as though he’d seen his savior, he shouted out:“The school is in trouble! The school is in trouble! Get some people to save the children now! Save thechildren!”Many people were with the mayor, and it was noisy all around. Su couldn’t hear what they were saying.But the mayor heard Su, and turned to him: “I will get people over to help immediately.”Su turned back and ran in the direction of the kindergarten. He felt helpless and fearful. He needed tomake sure that Cheng was alright.On his way, he met one of the kindergarten teachers. “Where’s Cheng Xiaoqing? Where’s ChengXiaoqing?” he asked, anxiously. The woman answered: “We didn’t find her. We don’t know where sheis now.”Su was dumbfounded. An ill feeling rose through him. What should I do? My family is there, but I havemore important duties back at the primary school. What can I do?“You have to help me find her,” he seized the arms of the teacher, babbling incoherently. “I can’t stay,I can’t stay here. I have to go back to the primary school.”He was burning with anxiety. What had happened to Cheng? Was she buried? Or did she get out? Didsomeone save her? He was distraught. But he had to go back to the school. There was no other choice.He must go back.As he returned, Su saw the teachers racing against the clock to save the children, still buried. He foundPrincipal Tan, described what he’d seen in the town and told him he’d found help. After hearing Su’sreport, Tan asked him to make a list of all the surviving students and take them to the Yingxiu PowerPlant basketball courts, where Su seen the mayor.Su wrote down the names of a few students that he had seen earlier and asked some of the boys nearbyto write down the names of the others that had escaped with. Once he had the names of the children hecould see, he began to lead them out of the school with some of the other teachers.Su was reluctant to leave the rescue efforts. But he was the only one who had made it outside and wasworried that the other teachers wouldn’t be able to find safe way out. So, retreating bit by bit, he led thechildren away from the ruins.The aftershocks kept coming, and the tall, dangling tower crane above them threatened to fall at anymoment. But they couldn’t afford to stop either: they had to get the children to safety. Pointing to thetower crane, he told the other teachers: “You take the kids forward and I’ll watch. If I shout out, youshould watch out for the tower crane and hide yourselves over there.” They nodded their understanding Page | 83

and passed the message on to the children.The unending aftershocks made the steel frame of the crane crackle. A wolf crouched by the road side,staring at them as if ready to attack. But Su was focused on the job at hand, and helped the children tosafety.When he returned to the school again, he saw more students rescued from the rubble. He couldn’t standback any longer; he joined his colleagues, who were exerting all their strength to save people from thedebris. Su handed his pen and notebook to a female teacher beside him and said: “You write down theirnames. I have to go up there.” The teacher took the notebook without hesitation.When Su arrived, Tan was giving orders to individuals: “You go to this side. And you to that side.” Butthey had no tools, and no-one really knew what to do. Added to the chaos were the parents, searchingfor their own children.Seeing Su returning to the rescue team, Tan gestured to him—who was taking notes? Su pointed to thefemale teachers, and the principal nodded: “Su, you guys stay on the left side, and Dong, you guys goto the right… One group go to the front of the teaching building, one group behind the building, andanother group should look for steel bars, hammers and metal saws. All the groups must involve theparents…”Each rescue group was assigned their respective tasks, such as passing the bricks. The rescue becameorderly and cooperative. More importantly, the parents also now joined in the groups under the teachers’instruction. Bricks were passed down from the rubble, and more and more people joined, quicklyforming lines.There were only a few male teachers in each group, but they all played a crucial part in the rescue.The hallway pillar of the teaching building hadn’t entirely caved in, but was supporting some of thecollapsed girders and precast slabs, forming a triangular space in which many children were trapped.The slabs couldn’t be moved easily. The people found wires in the rubble, tied them around the slabs,and started to pull. The wires broke again and again, but they didn’t give up. They found more wires totwist into a thicker rope, and they tried to pull from the uppermost layers. When moving the heaviestslabs, they were careful not to create any big movements that might drag the lower layers onto the belowchildren.Suddenly, the rescuers heard singing from within the rubble. It was from the eight-year-old Zhou Yuyeand nine-year-old Lin Hao. They were singing in encouragement to their classmates trapped in thearound them. Following their voices, the rescue team found the trapped children. After six or sevenhours, three of the children were saved. A fourth child had already died.Amid the aftershocks, the teachers and parents went on with the rescue, full of tears. They braced thehallway with wooden planks, climbed down, and passed out the bits of brick and cement, one by one.But the girders and slabs couldn’t be moved at all. Three teachers found a jack and finally opened up anarrow passage into the rubble. A few more survivors were rescued. But fewer and fewer cries for helpcould now be heard, and rescuing just one child became harder and harder. Page | 84

You two: go find some tools,” Tan instructed Liu and Dong Jinfei.So Liu and Dong Jinfei ran towards the town together. Busy with rescue, Liu naïvely thought that it wasonly the school that had been destroyed. But when he arrived at the school gate, what met his eyes madehim stumble.The whole of Yingxiu was in ruins, and everywhere people were trapped in the rubble. Some peoplewere helping the rescue efforts, others were wailing. Not allowing himself to care, Liu felt his waythrough the ruins towards the hardware store.Fortunately, the ground floor of the building in which the store was hadn’t completely collapsed, andthe tools were still there. Liu felt hopeful and he quickly climbed up. The aftershocks were coming atintervals of less than a minute, and the whole building was shaking. Liu could feel the concrete slabs,iron bars and stone-blocks swaying threateningly above him. He smashed the store window with a stone,reached his arm inside and pulled out a few pairs of pliers and two flashlights.Reuniting with Dong Jinfei, Liu rushed back to the school. They had been gone for 20 or 30 minutesbut Liu knew that even in such a short period of time, many students may now be gone forever, andmany more still might have lost all hope of surviving.The rescued students were carried out on peoples’ backs, some on wooden planks. In the process ofexcavating those trapped, many bits of stones and bricks needed to be moved, but there were not enoughdustpans to transport them. Dong and the other teachers thought of using drawers from cabinets. Oneby one, they passed the drawers of stones and bricks down the line of people. As for bigger stone blocks,they pulled them out with ropes. If the rope broke, they would tie cables together and try again. Theprickly cables scraped at their hands, but, thinking of the lives waiting to be saved, the rescuers justkept pulling.Along with cooperation there was also much discord. Some parents were gathered around the ruins asonlookers. Some parents vented their anger and despair at the teachers’ rescue efforts, others could onlycry.One parent passed a half-bottle of water to Dong. He took a sip and put it aside; he knew that resourceswere undoubtedly limited. He had to think of a longer term plan.As he pulled other people from the rubble, Dong never stopped thinking: Where’s my son? Where is he?But as a teacher and not only a father, he could do nothing. His mind was numb, and the only thing heknew was that he had to dig, and dig like crazy. He silently prayed that maybe, when he was digging,he would find his own son, who was still alive and would call out “Dad” in a clear voice.Liu walked towards him. When their eyes met, Liu almost cried, and he said to Dong: “It’s over. Over.”He and Dong were in the same situation. Both Liu’s wife and son were missing too. For a minute or so,the two broken-hearted men sat on the edge of the flowerbed and watched people passing. Hearing thevoice of a parent, Wu, calling out instructions, they finally came back to themselves and went to help.At that time, Dong still had some hope. Though his heart sank when he didn’t see his wife and son Page | 85

during the first head count, he didn’t allow himself to believe that they were gone. He tried to convincehimself that they were just trapped somewhere, and would be found as the rescue continued.Around 5pm, Dong suddenly turned his head and saw his son being carried out of the rubble. The boywas pale as death; he would never smile at Dong again.Dong went limp. Though he had hoped his son would be found, he refused, at that moment, to believethis lifeless little body was his child.Yet how could he be wrong? There was the black and white tracksuit his wife had bought for Xuhao’sschool debating competition.Dong ran towards his son, wanting to hold him. But the people carrying Xuhao walked so fast, Dongcouldn’t keep up. When the boy was laid down on the lawn of the exercise ground, Dong was finallyclose to his son for the first time since the earthquake had struck.The colorless Xuhao looked as though he were asleep, eyes shut. Perhaps he was just in a coma? Hisson could not wake himself, so Dong, as his father, had to help him. He gave Xuhao CPR. A doctorcame to help, but it was all too late. He pulled Dong away: “Leave it at that. There’s no way we canbring him back.”Dong was in disbelief. And then despair engulfed him. His son’s chest was sunken. Dong held him inhis arms and kissed his head and face frantically. The boy’s head and face were still warm. Perhaps hemight yet awake and wink at his father, with a smile, saying that he was just playing a trick. Was hefooled?All was an illusion. Dong’s son was forever gone and deaf to his pleas: “Son, don’t go. I miss you, son”.Lying there lifelessly, Xuhao would never again open his eyes or ask: “Do I call you ‘sir’ or ‘Dad’ inclass?”From that moment, father and son were forever a world apart.Dong reasoned that Xuhao must have suffocated. For a long time after, he could not shake the questions:what if it had been him and not his son beneath the rubble? What would death feel like? He didn’t havean answer. He resented destiny, which had denied his son even five seconds more before disaster struck.Perhaps, with another five seconds, he could have escaped: he was known as a good runner at school,and had been found in the stairwell, just a few steps from the door.It was in this collapsed stairwell that the largest number of children were found – 80 bodies in total, andthe scene was horrifying. Some children were purple-faced, down to their necks, as the result ofsuffocation; some had bulging eyes and a protruding tongue. The disaster came like a juggernaut thatrolled over the once lively faces, leaving grooves of death forever entrenched in the hearts of thesurvivors. The dark shadows of May fell like the doomsday with all its fear, numbness, despair, anger,loneliness, and grief.And the pain of the living would last forever. Page | 86

Be stronger, stillIt was a little past 5pm on 12 May. The dug-out bodies of the students were placed side-by-side on theexercise ground. Not having anything to cover the bodies with, they had to use whatever they couldfind—sheets of insulation or planks of wood. Under the scorching sun, a white butterfly darted highand low across the campus—now nothing more than broken concrete and bricks. But no child leaptbehind to try and catch it.Each time a student’s body was brought out, Su and the other teachers would go over to identify it. Hewould note the child’s name, their class and physical features: short hair, round face, red shirt, khakipants… For those that they could not identify, Su left a mark on the list. He didn’t know how long hewould keep doing this cruel record keeping. Still, he forced himself to continue because this was thelast thing he could do for those departed children.***Dong fell apart when he saw his son. He didn’t want to continue with the rescue; everything was over.His son was dead, and so too were so many other students. Why would he want to live on?Someone patted his shoulder gently, telling him not to be overcome with grief. There were otherchildren waiting to be rescued.Slowly, Dong laid his son down on the grass on the exercise ground. He did it gently, afraid he mightdisturb his son’s ‘slumber’. Then he stood up and looked around, aimlessly: “What should I do?” Hishead was muddled. And he felt as though, if he closed his eyes, he could lie down like his son betweenthe sky and the earth…Suddenly, came shouts. It was a parent, on the other side of the exercise ground: “A few students arestill alive over there!”All at once, Dong came back to himself. He must go and save more children. If his son were alive, hewould surely encourage his father to do so, too. He ran towards the comprehensive building. When hereached it, a girl was being carried out. She was tall, perhaps a sixth grader. The girl’s father wascarrying her on his back, nearing exhaustion, so Dong stepped in. Her height made her harder to carry,and she had so many broken bones that with each step Dong took, she would cry out in pain. It must beagonizing, Dong thought. But other than taking her to a safer place, there was nothing else he could dofor her.To reach the exercise ground, they had to climb over the rubble. And Dong suddenly felt a sharp pain.Once he’d put the girl down safely on the grass, he looked down at his legs: his pants were stuck to theskin with blood, and when he touched them, the pain was excruciating. He rolled up the pants and sawhis legs were covered in deep cuts and grazes. His left knee was already bruised and swollen.At that moment, exhaustion and pain engulfed him.*** Page | 87

Not knowing the time of the day or how long he had been working, Su was also beginning to feelfatigued.In the rescue that followed, he paired up with Dong to carry the rescued students to the basketball courtof Yingxiu Power Plant. They went back and forth for countless times. He was so tired and thirsty hecould barely stand upright. He felt that, at any moment, he would collapse and fall into an eternal sleepalong with all the teachers and children buried in the ruins.After a while, Su began to feel as though he were sleepwalking; he could no longer feel any pain orexhaustion. He just kept on carrying bricks or students mechanically.During one of these life-saving journeys to the basketball court, Su’s legs went limp and he all but fellto his knees. Su quickly called out to someone standing nearby: “Help me, please.” You go down first,and when I get down too, you pass it to my other shoulder.” He looked at the plank he was carrying:two students were lying on it. No wonder he was tired. But no matter how exhausted he felt, he mustnot give up.Slowly, people gathered on the basketball court. Some of them were helping to take care of the injured,and some were looking for their children. It was chaotic, and impossible to communicate properly.Once they had laid the injured students in front of the doctor, Su and Dong hurried back to the school.On their way, there were calls for help all around them. But they were unable to help or stop, or even tooffer words of comfort; there were too many children still trapped in the school. How many exactly,they couldn’t guess, but it must be a horrifyingly large number. Since the earthquake, they hadn’t seenmore than 100 children, and Yingxiu Primary School had over 400 students...Back at the school, Su and Dong began carrying planks with the rescue team. When someone neededjacks—the more the better!—Su and Tang Yongzhong ran back out through the gates to find some. Nearthe collapsed Yingxiu Hotel was a parked car. Without a word to each other, as if they had alreadyagreed it, the two of them immediately rushed over to break the window. But it was tough, so Su wenton down the road to see what else he could find.At the turn of the road, he saw a bus. The driver was still inside. “I’m a teacher from the school” hesaid, “I need to borrow your jack, and I’ll give it back to you when we’re finished.” The driverimmediately got out of the bus and handed the jack to Su: “Use it as you need. And don’t worry aboutreturning it.”Su didn’t ask the name of the driver and forgot to say thank you. He knew that time was short, and wasthinking about where to find more jacks. Seeing another car parked nearby, he asked the driver if hehad a jack they could borrow. The driver replied: “It’s only a small one...” To which Su said: “Howeverbig it is, give it to us.” Su wasn’t even aware of his tone: “Be quick, I’m a teacher from the primaryschool.” Nor could he remember how the driver replied, but he took the jack out and passed it to Su.All in all, they brought back four jacks.When he made it back to the exercise ground, Su saw Dong, and said: “I’m almost at my limit. Mylower back hurts like hell.” Dong answered: “So does mine.” The two men squatted down on the Page | 88

exercise ground for a while to ease the pain. They saw parents still digging in the rubble. Su said thathe would look for something to drink; it was five or six o’clock in the afternoon, and he hadn’t hadanything to drink yet. His throat was burning.Then it started to rain. Though it was not heavy, it felt very uncomfortable when the raindrops hit theirskin.Nearby was a broken freezer, through the cracks of which Su and Dong spotted ice cream. Withoutelectricity, the ice creams had already begun to melt. They each took one, and Dong sighed: “This atleast helps a little. Well, they didn’t even know these problem-solving things exist.”After just a short rest, they heard someone shouting out: “A teacher is coming out!” They ran towardsthe cries.It was Yin Qiong, the first teacher to be dug out. She was a 26-year-old mother-to-be, and she was eightmonths pregnant. Despite being soon to become a mother, she didn’t ask for maternity leave; she wasresponsible for a graduating class, and couldn’t leave her students by themselves. Had the earthquakenot happened, she would have had her baby in a few weeks. And with another year, that baby wouldcall her mother. But when the earthquake came she was buried in the rubble, only her head uncovered,and the sudden weight suffocated her and her unborn baby.Yin and Su were distant relations. Her mother was a cousin of Su, and Su should call her niece. Whenshe was brought out of the ruins, her belly was exposed. Two lives were gone forever. Su was lost forwords. He felt numb and dry of tears.The next teacher to be brought out was Zhou. His pants were wet from incontinence, and he was barelyrecognizable. His wife, Yu Qin, sat crying on the ruins. Yu Qin and Su were from the same hometown,and they lived close to each other in Miansi Town. He put his hand on her shoulder. She held onto Suand cried even harder. But still, Su had no tears. “Be strong,” he said, “hang in there.” He didn’t knowwhat else to say.At around 6pm the rain became torrential, and darkness fell.Along with the crackling noise of the downpour, there was the incessant rumbling sound of rocks fallingdown the hillsides. Yuzixi brook was narrow and muddy, blocked by landslides. There was an ominousfeeling that something even more destructive was about to happen.In the rain, fewer and fewer people remained to continue the rescue efforts. Parents who had found theirchildren left in a hurry. Those who stayed were the school teachers and the parents who were stillsearching for their child in the rubble. All the injured students now were gathered on the basketballcourt of Yingxiu power plant.Standing on the ruins, Su looked across to the mountain on the other side of the river. The whole hillsideseemed to have collapsed. A Dongfeng car, which he had seen shortly after the earthquake parked nearthe slope, was now nowhere to be found, and Su reasoned that it must have been smashed by the vastrocks falling from the mountain. Never before had he seen anything like it. He felt certain that a boulderwould hit the school. Page | 89

With the rain, the temperature had dropped sharply, and many people were shivering. There was nowater or electricity. The rescue had stopped because of the storm and darkness.Dong Jinfei passed a flashlight to Su and asked him: “Where’s Cheng Xiaoqing?”“They haven’t found her yet,” answered Su, his face expressionless.“You should go and look now,” suggested Dong Jinfei.Su took the flashlight and headed towards the kindergarten. After just a few steps, he met thekindergarten head teacher. Seeing Su, she passed him a bag: “We only found this!” Su recognized thepale blue bag at first sight: it was Cheng’s. She had taken it to work that morning. It was her favoritebag.Seeing this, Su began to prepare himself for the worst. He held the bag in his arms and ran on towardsthe kindergarten building.Nearing the entrance gate, Su saw a farmer who used to sell fruit on the streets. He looked totallydeformed, but was still clutching his steelyard. What was he doing when the earthquake happened? Didhe die just as he’d made a sale, or was he instinctively protecting the tool that helped him make hisliving?Su had no energy to think about it. He just wanted to get into the kindergarten as quickly as possible.But he stopped again.To the right of the gate was the teachers’ apartment building, where they had lived for many years. Thewhole ground floor had disappeared, and the floors above were tilted and dangling, as if even a child’spush would topple the whole thing. To the left, was the 11th building of Yingxiu Bay Community, abuilding near the street. It had entirely collapsed. Su heard cries for help, but he couldn’t figure outwhere they were coming from.He clambered over the debris to the ruins of the kindergarten. “Xiaoqing, where are you?” he calledout. But there was no answer. He ran to the collapsed first floor and called again, but nobody answeredstill. For 20 minutes, the kindergarten was silent, like a graveyard. There was no-one except for Su,looking for his wife in the pouring rain, and the only sound was his pounding heartbeat.He returned to the primary school, his steps heavy and head drooping.He met Dong Xuefeng on the exercise ground. “Did you find her?” Dong asked. “No, I didn’t,” Sureplied. Dong patted him on the shoulder and walked with him to the center of the exercise ground. Theflagpole was still standing there alone as if nothing had happened. Looking at the lines of dead bodies,Su had another thought: perhaps Xiaoqing had already been found by someone else?He walked towards the bodies, now immune to the horror of it. But he didn’t find his wife; they wereall children.Dong was sitting beside his son’s body, and Su somehow found a bottle of drink. He took a few sips Page | 90

and passed it to Dong. He didn’t take the bottle but simply mumbled: “Now it’s all over. Nothing’s left.”Their voices were calm, as if nothing bad had happened at all.“Xiaoqing hasn’t been found. I don’t know where she is.”Tan and Liu were also sitting nearby. Tan invited Dong to sit beside him, but shook his head: “No, Iwant to sit here for a while with my son.”Resigned and helpless, these once brave and fearless men sat lifelessly in pouring rain.Su took a few sips from the drink bottle, and placed it on the ground. “I’ll leave the drink here,” he saidto Dong. “It’s good.”Someone had given Dong a lollipop earlier too, and he had kept it in his pocket. Hearing Su’s words,he suddenly thought of the candy and took it out: “I’ll put this here too.” If his son could see him fromabove, though Dong, he would like his father’s last gifts for him: a drink and a lollipop. Many childrenwould love these.Let it shake and fallAround 7pm, word began to spread across the campus that a rescue team of 5,000 people were on theirway to Yingxiu. Dong didn’t know at that time whether Yingxiu was the only place that had sufferedthe earthquake. If it was, they should be there soon. He was looking forward to seeing help arrive: Comehere quickly and help us search the building. Where’s my wife? Is she still alive…Anxious and exhausted, the traumatized teachers stayed with the departed children for the first nightafter the earthquake. Every now and then, they would climb into the ruins and comfort the children thatwere still alive, buried underneath. They could hear them calling for help. It was dark, and the teacherscould do nothing but tell them to reserve energy and stay calm, because tomorrow people would cometo save them. Tomorrow they would surely be saved.The rain became heavier and heavier, like an outpouring of grief. The teachers decided to build a shelterfrom wooden sticks and electrical wires to protect them a little from the rain. “We have to save energytoo!”Half an hour later, a shelter was built with blankets and curtains that Su and Liu had found in the ruinsfor a roof and planks for a floor. The space was just big enough for them to hide in. At least they werekept from the continuous rain.Then someone from the Yingxiu Police Station arrived with a warning: “A flood might be coming. Sincethe water in Yuzixi was blocked, there might be a barrier lake upstream. The wounded must not stayhere but have to be transferred to a higher place.”An emergency order also came from the Quake Relief Headquarters, commanding that the schoolteachers and students climb up to Ertai Hill, to prevent more injuries and deaths. Page | 91

Dong and the other teachers began to transfer the wounded again. But all were drained by hunger, cold,grief, exhaustion and injury. One person had easily carried a first or second grader on their back, butnow, even two people couldn’t move the child without stopping several times to rest.Moving another child, Liu said: “Stop, stop. I’m exhausted. I have to rest.” After resting for five minutes,Liu got up. He still felt as though he could collapse at any moment. But how could he? His wife andson were still missing. My six-year-old son, are you scared in the darkness? Thinking of how helplesshe was, Liu was heartbroken.When he returned to the school, the rain was still falling, and he could hear faint calls from the depthsof the ruins.An official from the town government told the teachers to leave because of the risk of flood from theblocked river. But none of the teachers would go: “We have to save all that we can save. For those wecan’t save, we’ll stay here with them.” All were in agreement.Eventually, Tan said: “I’ll go to Ertai Hill and see what’s happening there, and I’ll come back to takeyou then.” Su passed him the flashlight: “Bring it back when you return.”It rained harder. The heavy downpour and the aftershocks combined caused horrible debris flows. Suchsecondary disasters are common after an earthquake. Rocks, rainwater and mud fell from the hillsides,engulfing houses and blocking rivers.Every now and then, people would talk about the danger of the blocked river. It was extremely cold,and the pitch dark campus felt dead. The teachers discussed: “Since we’re staying here with the children,let’s make a fire so that the children can see. Maybe if they know that we’re still here with them, theywill feel more hopeful.”They had not long found some dry wood and made a fire when a police officer came and told them toput it out because of the combustible gases released by the earthquake. He also asked them again toleave as the lake formed by the debris flows might break its banks at any time. But the teachers lookedreassuringly at each other and continued to keep the buried children company.A little after 11pm, Tan returned. He had given his flashlight to someone carrying the wounded.Watching as Tan stumbling towards them, Dong and the other teachers all began to cry.“All of you have to move,” ordered Tan. “Now.”***Up on Ertai Hill, the teachers who were already there had divided the students into three groups bygrade. They surround the children, many of whom were still crying. It was still raining hard. Thestudents and female teachers hid beneath a makeshift plastic tent, while the male teachers stood outsideand held hands in the rain to protect them.Liu arrived at Ertai Hill with Tan. He was wearing just a short-sleeved shirt and a pair of pants, and wassocked through. There was no shelter at all from the rain on the hill, so he joined the others to find some Page | 92

tarpaulins. Seven male teachers stood close to each other and held up the tarpaulin, as the water ranbelow them. Beside where they stood were an embankment and a basketball court, too small to holdanyone other than the women, children and injured people already there. Liu and the other male teachersstood on the embankment while government officials found some waterproof covers and quilts for thewounded.***Suddenly, Dong noticed that Tan was missing. The teachers reasoned that he must have returned to theschool, so at midnight, they found their way back again, in the rain and darkness. All along the way,they heard pitiful cries, which sounded all the more heart-wrenching in the depth of the silent night.When they found Tan, he said “The teachers are struggling so hard to live. I don’t want them to get hurtagain and forced them to leave… Even when the order was to retreat, I felt awful when I heard thechildren crying for help. I can’t just leave.”And so the teachers that came back began to dig in the rubble again, with bare hands in the dark, tearfullycomforting the children buried beneath.But it was too hard with bare hands, and as times passed, the cries became weaker. The teachers tookturns to call the children, telling them to save energy and not to panic. They reassured them: “Yourteachers will stay with you. We’re going to get all of you out tomorrow.”Some of the younger children must have been scared and kept screaming. The sound was awful.As he dug in the rubble, Liu’s thumb was by this point already fractured, though he didn’t realise it.After the earthquake, he went to the hospital to put it in splints.The children couldn’t be rescued with just the few of them. They were once again depleted of energy,and Tan asked everyone to take a rest and restore their strength. They had nothing to eat and nowhereto stay. The shelter they had built earlier was already occupied by other people. They found a few bricksto sit on, shifting to get comfortable. Drenched all over, they needed to find something to keep themwarm.Su suddenly remembered the red car parked at the school gate. Finding one of the windows alreadybroken, they took out the four seat cushions. Su, Liu, Tang Yongzhong and Tan took one each and heldthem over their bodies. Other teachers used curtains they had pulled from the ruins. They found someuseful things on a bus near the power plant, including a can of beer, which they passed between them.But it was still cold—unbearably cold. Tan put his arms around Dong, and the other men held eachother, finally managing to get a little bit warmer. Even huddled like that, they had to stand up and movearound to keep warm. A disabled farmer who lived near the school was complaining that he was coldtoo, and though Liu replied, “Everyone feels cold,” he gave up his cushion and laid it over the man.No-one slept that night, not even for a second.*** Page | 93

Later, in the distance, through the rain, the teachers heard the voices of women near the power plantcrying for help. The booming and rumbling of the aftershocks continued, and the teachers didn’t knowwhether it was the sound of flood or landslide.An injured man came to tell them the shelter on the hill was leaking water. The teachers shared somecloth with him to keep the rain off. Liu began to feel pain in his hands and the other teachers coveredthem with tarpaulin.They just sat there, together, not knowing what to say. All were wondering what had happened to otherplaces, but no one knew; everyone was worried about their family members. “My parents are still inMiansi,” murmered Su. “What has happened to them? How about my brother? Xiaoqing’s parents? IsYutang Town also destroyed? My grandparents are in Yutang…”At 3am, the surrounding noise had died down and the glow of fire near Xuankou Secondary School wasjust visible. The youngest son of Su’s sister a student at Xuankou and he suddenly thought of his nephew:how is he now?Zhang, the vice-principal, suddenly shouted: “Light! There’s light! Is that a helicopter?”Hearing the shout, the people on the exercise ground became restless as if they felt suddenly hopefulagain. Not caring about the rain, everyone came out of the shelter to look. But as the commotion settled,people began saying: “It’s still dark and raining. The rescue team can’t come at this time.” … “It mustbe someone’s flashlight, not a helicopter.”The world returned to silence again.Su felt worse and worse. His clothes were torn beyond recognition, and he was drenched through. Hewas wearing a pair of new leather shoes that Cheng had bought him but they were now full of waterand had lost all their shine.How would he find his beloved wife? He remembered that she had set an alarm clock at 7am on hercell phone. Thinking of this, he opened the bag the kindergarten head had given him: Cheng’s bag. Hercell phone wasn’t there and should still be with her. Praying that the phone hadn’t been smashed, Suformed a plan. He would go look for her in the morning. He had to find her.Chapter 5. From the hands of death“I must find her”The aftershocks, landslides and rainstorms continued all night.It was 4am on 13 May, the morning after the earthquake, and the rain was still pouring.Up on Ertai Hill, on the basketball court of Yingxiu power plant, beside the shacks in which the YingxiuPrimary School students were huddling, the teachers were counting the seconds and waiting eagerly forthe daybreak. They had sat there all night, unable to sleep because of the freezing cold and their worry Page | 94

for the children still buried in the rubble.One of the teachers, Yu Qin, had found a bag of instant noodles. The teachers, who had eaten nothingfor more than ten hours, carefully divided the noodles between them. No one attempted to eat or drinkmore than their share. One teacher joked: “It almost feels like the scene in that 1956 Chinese war film,Battle on Shangganling Mountain.”Tan seemed to have grown old overnight. When morning came, his hair—black the day before—wasnow all grey. Near daybreak, he summoned everyone to discuss rescue strategies, after which theteachers split up and set about their respective tasks.There was nobody else on the campus. The teachers’ clothes, still damp from the night before, were wetagain in the rain. Dong, Liu and the other teachers called out from a high point in the ruins. Wheneverthey heard a sound, they would look for survivors. Their clothes got wet and dried out again, and thenagain. Everyone was doing their best; if tired, they took a short rest and went on to dig in the rubble.They knew that time wouldn’t wait for anyone. A single second could mean the difference between lifeand death for those trapped.Su was waiting silently for one moment in particular. He was waiting for 7am, when the alarm clock onCheng’s cell phone would go off. He must go to the ruins of the kindergarten to look for his wife beforethat moment came. He must find her.Finally, day broke. Su stumbled out of the rubble, stamped his feet, which were numb from kneelingand digging, and breathed warm breath on his frozen and painful hands. Then he set off in the directionof the kindergarten in the rain.The first morning in Yingxiu after the earthquake: freezing, desolate and quiet.At this time of day, Yingxiu was usually bustling and lively. People would come to the streets formorning exercise, jogging or strolling. In the rhythmic movements of their arms was the hope for thenew day ahead. The busiest places in the town—Ande Pig’s Feet, 213 Bistro, and Wealth and GlorySupermarket—wouldn’t yet be open. But the Tasty House noodle shop and Family Restaurant wouldalready be welcoming in their first guests for breakfast. Yingxiu at this hour was a person awake andsmiling but still a little bleary-eyed.But it was a totally different sight that morning. Gone were the clean streets and tidy shop fronts. Andthere was no-one doing morning exercise. The noodle shop had collapsed, its sign flung to the otherside of the streets, several meters away, and though the blue flag of Wealth and Glory Supermarket wasstill hanging, the shop gate had fallen.On this post-quake morning, the Yingxiu streets were empty. Not a single person could be seen or heard.The only sign of life were the homeless dogs, sniffing and barking discontentedly at the rubble.Su waded through the rainwater. He told himself not to panic. Seven in the morning, the time that Chengwould wake up every morning, was drawing near. He must not panic, or he might miss this mostimportant moment. Page | 95

Finally, he reached the only remaining object of the kindergarten: a red slide. The downpour had washedit clean, and against the dark background of debris seemed even brighter. This used to be the children’sfavorite place in Yingxiu. How they loved to rush up the ladder and slide down with shrieks of joy, totheir parents or teachers. Captured in that carefree laughter was the happy childhood now disappearedforever in the relentless, shameless, and remorseless earthquake.Watching the rain falling on the ruins, Su felt forlorn and sad. He wiped water from his face, notknowing if it was rainwater or tears.Having oriented himself, Su now had a sense of where his wife’s classroom was. He looked up anddown, and counted his steps, and finally worked out the right location. He climbed up the bricks,concrete blocks, slabs and iron bars. He knelt down, his whole body close to the rubble, and listened.He straightened up and looked at the gloomy sky. The rain beat down on his face and his eyes wereblurry again. Su forced himself to concentrate and wait for the alarm.Cheng had set the alarm clock about a month ago, without mentioning anything to Su. One morning, heawoke to the sound of a rooster crowing. The crow became louder and louder, and he sat up immediatelyand rubbed his eyes: “Why am I hearing a rooster in my home?”Cheng laughed: “Why! How can there be a rooster? Have you even seen a feather?”Su jumped out of bed and searched all the rooms in his slippers. There was no feather to be seen. “But,I swear I just heard a rooster crow,” he Su.Cheng laughed so hard that she almost doubled over. Finally, she showed Su the red phone that he justbought for her: “Haha, you fool, the rooster is here!” It was her new alarm tone, called ‘Dancing to thecrow’. “You always say that you’re worried about being late, don’t you?” she continued. “Well, fromnow on, every morning, the rooster will wake you up to dance at 7am sharp. You’ll never be late again.”From that day on, until 13 May, the couple started each day to ‘Dancing to the crow’.But now, his wife, that lovely, bouncy and cheeky teacher, was lying beneath the debris, on a morningshrouded in chill winds and cold rains.It was a minute before 7 o’clock. Su was lying prostrate on the ruins, his right ear was close to a crackin the rubble, and he was holding his breath, waiting… He didn’t dare let out any sound, afraid that hewould miss his last chance to find his wife.Su wasn’t sure his plan would work. What if the cell phone wasn’t with her? What if it was smashed ordrenched from the rain? What if he was waiting in the wrong place? But he couldn’t afford to think toomuch; this was his only lead.Suddenly, he heard a rooster crowing. The ringing and the vibration, not far below him, were becomingstronger and clearer.Su trembled with excitement, his heart vibrating with the cell phone. He followed the sound and movedround to the correct place. He was close, now, to his beloved wife! He swore that he would get her out. Page | 96

He began to pick the bricks and concrete blocks apart. Then he dug and dug. His hands were mangledfrom yesterday’s rescue and hurt him terribly, but he didn’t care and kept on digging, crying and callingout: “Xiaoqing, are you there? Are you there? I’m here. I’m late!”When he had dug down about a meter, Su saw Cheng’s long hair. That shiny black hair was her prideand joy, and it was what had attracted Su when he first saw her at school. Su had believed that his wifeshould be a woman with long hair since his adolescence. But now, it was a mess, caked in mud, dustand concrete.Su’s body and heart were numb, but he carried on digging frantically.Soon, he saw his wife’s face. Familiar as it was, Su found it hard to believe that it was the face that hehad missed so much. Her eyes were closed, her mouth, swollen and bleeding. The bridge of her nosewas smashed into her face. Su hesitated for a few seconds, and then mustered up the courage to lift upher head.Had she just fallen unconscious? There was still a spark of hope inside him. He tapped his wife’s cheek,but there was no reaction at all. Her skin was cold—penetratingly cold.Su’s eyes blurred, his heart palpitating.When he had heard the crow, he was hopeful. Now, he was wide awake to reality. His dear wife, Cheng,who had accompanied him from Wenchuan to Xuankou and to Yingxiu, had left him. Though her bodywas still here, all the love, the passion, the tenderness, everything was gone.Su threw himself onto his wife’s body and wailed. He wailed with grief, pain and longing, but in histears was guilt and regret. He remembered yesterday afternoon when he was walked past thekindergarten, not long after the earthquake. If he had forgotten about everything else and rushed in tolook for her, Su thought, he might well have saved her. They had saved many people who’d been trappedin the rubble for more than ten hours. But he left her. Now, looking at his wife’s face, he felt like a mostdespicable criminal.After he stopped crying, he decided he should get Cheng out of the ruins and carry her up to Ertai Hill,where he could stay with her. But, with his newly acquired rescue experience, Su soon realized this wasimpossible. Though Cheng’s head was not buried deeply, her torso was pressed tightly under theconcrete slabs and girders. Su, alone, couldn’t possibly pull her out. When he tried, she didn’t move atall. He was at his wits’ end.For some time, he knelt beside his wife and weeping in silence. Was there still meaning in his life nowthat his wife was gone forever? Where should he go? To whom could he turn for solace? The grief wasso deep and real he could hardly breathe. If only grief could make everything alright again…The will to live onSu returned to the primary school from the ruins of the kindergarten. Tang Yongzhong saw him andasked gingerly: “Have you found Cheng Xiaoqing?” Page | 97

“Yeah,” answered Su. He didn’t know how else to express what he had seen.The two men teamed up as work began again. They were responsible for identifying and keeping anaccount of the students that were carried out of the ruins.Tang Yongzhong had always been a bit faint-hearted, and couldn’t even look at the scene of a caraccident. He couldn’t bear the sight of bloody chaos. But now he was increasingly indifferent.Identifying and accounting for the bodies, one by one, he felt more heartbroken than afraid.Later, a woman from Baihua Town joined them, and the three of them helped with the digging, carriedout the bodies, laid them down on the lawn and noted their details down.Suddenly one of the rescuers shouted: “A student is still alive here!”Hearing this, the rescue team rushed over. It was a girl from Su’s class named Zhang Shiqi.But the weight on her body was too heavy. Seven or eight slabs were pressed against her legs, andcouldn’t be moved easily. There seemed no way that she could be saved. But she didn’t cry. As she washis student, Su stayed and talked with her, digging away at the rubble with crude tools.Zhang Shiqi implored him: “Mr. Su, please stay with me.”Su nodded firmly. He found a chisel and a sledgehammer. But it was no good. Then he went to get ahammer and a pair of pliers. He used up everything he could find. These teachers, used to markingpapers and writing on blackboards, did not know anything about disaster rescue. They could only usetheir instinct and try their best with whatever tools they could find.At that time, Zhang was still feeling alright, and Su was hopeful that they would get her out. But as theevening nearer, they still hadn’t made any real progress. Was there really nothing they could do thanwatch her die like this? Nobody wanted to believe it, and everybody was still harboring hope.Su asked someone beside him in low voice: “How is it?”“Deep, very deep. Most of her torso is stuck.”“Can we get her out?”“It will be very hard…” said the other person, still trying to lever up the slabs of concrete.After some time, Su asked again: “How is it now?”“No good. I still can’t move it.”Seeing that Zhang couldn’t be easily saved, Tan ordered Su and the others to take a short break andrecover some energy.While they rested, Su told Dong and Tang Yongzhong about Cheng. “You guys have to help me,” hesaid, as the three men looked at each other, tears in their eyes. Taking with them a spade, Su and a few Page | 98

of his colleagues went to ‘save’ his wife Cheng.When they arrived at the place that Su had marked, they began to dig, and drag the slabs and beamstrapping Cheng. But an entire wall had fallen on Cheng’s body and, looking closely, they found that shewas trapped beneath the ring beam and there was no way they could move it. Though they tried andtried, it just wouldn’t budge.“No way, there’s no way we can pull her out,” said Dong.“But she’s in there! What can I do?” said Su, tearfully.Dong passed three cigarettes to Su. They lit the cigarettes and placed them into the rubble beside Cheng.Searching in the rubble, they eventually found a white board, and wrote carefully on the smooth surfacewith a marker:Cheng Xiaoqing, Yingxiu Kindergarten teacherSu Chenggang, husband, Yingxiu Primary School teacherLike a life sentence had been announced, despair suddenly gripped Su’s heart, and he began to wail,unashamedly.Dong pulled him back from where Cheng was buried, Tang Yongzhong helping. Together they draggedSu, disabled by grief out of the kindergarten. “Let’s not stay here; let’s go!” they said, helping Su to putone foot in front of the other. They had to make sure the survivors lived on.There were so many things waiting for them to do, so they must stay alive. And to live, they must eat.It was slowly getting dark, and they still hadn’t had any decent food since the earthquake. Many peoplewere looking for things to eat on the streets. Su supposed there might still be some food in the shopnearby; what was left on the surface had already been taken, but there might be more buried underneaththe debris.They forgot to worry about whether the building might fall and went in to look for food.Luckily, they found a few bottles of drink and a box of beers. Su passed the beers to Dong from theruins: “Don’t come in. I’ll stay inside and search.” Secretly he hoped that the building could collapse.That way, he would be reunited with Cheng. Death was no longer anything extraordinary to him; aperson could die in the blink of an eye.They walked back towards Yingxiu school with the food they found. On the way, they met a man witha few cartons of cigarettes and asked him if he would spare one. Thinking for a few seconds, the mangave them a full carton – one packet each – of soft-box Yun Yan cigarettes. It was the best refreshmentfor emotional turmoil.And their luck didn’t stop there: passing another collapsed shop, Tang Yongzhong found a few candies,and Su gathered a bag of socks for their painfully scarred and soaked feet, and three tracksuits. Su puton one of the tracksuit tops and gave the other two to Dong and Tang Yongzhong. “Give those candies Page | 99