Bouncing Back Together - English Version 2018

and Bai Xue were on duty at the school in Shuimo Town, they received a call from Dong’s aunt: hisfather was dying and they must come quickly.Burning with anxiety, Dong jumped in a car and headed to Dujiangyan. On the way, his aunt calledonce more: “Xuefeng, your father is…gone. Xuefeng, don’t cry. Please be strong. Don’t…don’t…yourfather won’t rest in peace if he knows…” Arriving at the hospital, Dong saw his father, lifeless. He brokedown and wailed.Earlier that same day, a few of Dong’s old colleagues in Hongyuan County Party Committee Office hadvisited. Dong’s father had talked a lot with them, and saw them off when they left. Dong’s colleagueswere still traveling back to Chengdu when the old man passed away. When Dong later called HongyuanParty Committee Office, a colleague who had visited his father picked up the phone. He was incredulous:his friend had looked fine when they left; how could he now be gone?The death of his father was a huge shock to Dong. He could not understand why his departed relativesall died so suddenly. His 44-year-old uncle—Dong’s only uncle with whom he’d got along very well—passed away in a similarly sudden manner around the same time. The deaths of his father and his unclepushed Dong to the edge. His pain and guilt returned once again.Dong knew that, while physical wounds may heal easily, mental wounds might remain for a lifetime.The trauma of the earthquake had left deep cuts in Dong’s heart. His recovery was not as simple as‘being strong’; it was more a kind of helplessness and resignation. The only way forward was to faceup to these wounds, and start again. With yet another heart-wrenching goodbye, yet another suddendeparture of a dearly loved family member, Dong felt again how powerless and helpless he was. Hewas resigned now to whatever life brought.On the day of his father’s death, though Dong himself wept, he told his younger sister: “Our dad hasbeen strong and capable all his life. But at the end, he was still tortured by illness. That’s why we needto take good care of our families and ourselves. Only in this way can we live up to our father’s highexpectations.” Individuals are fragile, but the chain of life is strong; departed family members leavetheir mark on the living. Dong comforted his sister, and encouraged himself.The fine line between life and death had left Dong in awe of life. “Now I often think about whathappiness is. My answer is that just being alive is enough happiness. If I’m alive, then I still haveeverything. None of us know how long we’re going to stay in this world, and when family memberspass away, we still have to work and feed our family. Life can change many things, but we are still facedwith the same life ahead.”True: to be alive is enough. None of us can predict how long we have left in the world. One day, Dongwas crossing the street with his son in arms. The light turned green and Dong stepped out into the road.A motorcycle traveling on the wrong side of the street suddenly appeared, and carriered into the pair.The child was knocked from Dong’s arms, and Dong himself fell to the ground. He leapt up to makesure that his son was unharmed, which—other than being frightened—he was. By the time Dong lookedup again, the motorcyclist was gone. Who could have foreseen such an incident? What if it had been atruck, and not a motorcycle? Would Dong still have walked away with little more than a scratch? Page | 200

Life always veers between agony and ecstasy. Before Dong’s sadness at his father’s death haddiminished, a reason to live on had already arrived.On 22 July 2010, Dong became a father again. Dong Songmin was born in the prefabricated hospitalbuilding in Dujiangyan. ‘Song’ represented Songhua River in his wife’s hometown and ‘min’, theMinjiang River that ran through Yingxiu. Dong’s friends received the news in a message: “Thanks toall of your blessings, Bai Xue has given birth to a baby boy at 12:30 pm today, weighing 3.4kg. Bothmother and baby are safe and healthy.” All felt Dong’s joy at becoming a father once again.The birth of his son had a healing effect on Dong. Holding the baby in his arms and looking at him,Dong felt a surge of love. His strength of feeling made Dong worry: would he indulge the child toomuch? Dong hoped that Songmin would be every bit as wonderful as Xuhao. Every night, before hewent to sleep, he would look at pictures of the two boys. He would swiftly and tearfully browse thethree remaining photos of Xuhao, and then study Songmin’s many photos before he could fall asleep.As soon as Dong went home to his new life, and saw his wife and son, he would be gentle and content,no matter how tired he was. When he was at home, he would not want to go anywhere else. To him,such an ordinary life was what happiness was all about.How life changes a manAnother night passed, another morning came. Dong quietly got out of bed, washed and dressed. Helooked at his wife and son, still in deep sleep, and closed the door gently behind him. He left therelocation housing and went to a nearby noodle shop. There he met his colleagues Su and Liu, andjoined them for breakfast. Then, together, they walked to school.Three years after the earthquake, a journalist who returned to Yingxiu Primary School to interview thesurvivors asked Dong how he achieved work–life balance. Dong smiled and told the journalist a storyof what happened the year after he had returned to Yingxiu.It was Sunday 3 July 2011, and having returned to Yingxiu from a training course the previous Thursday,Dong had just spent an interrupted, long weekend with his family, at principal Tan’s insistence. “Yougo home to help. Tomorrow is Friday and you don’t need to come to school.” It was the longest unbrokenperiod Dong had stayed at home with his family. That evening, they received warnings about floodingand debris flows in Yingxiu. Dong asked Bai Xue to prepare an emergency bag, warning her: “This canbe serious. Be sure to put whatever our son needs to eat and use in the bag.” When he went to bed,Dong was sleepless. He kept looking at the opposite side of the river through the window. From wherehe slept, he could see a light blinking at the bridge near the expressway entrance. Police were patrolling,and the whole of Yingxiu was lit up all night.But when he awoke the following morning, nothing had happened. Only later did Dong discover therehad been another warning at around 5am when two journalists visiting Yingxiu woke many of the localsand retreated to the hill. Exhausted by childcare and housework, Bai Xue had been unwell and on a dripfor some time, but by Monday 4 July, she was much recovered. Dong left for work as normal. He arrivedat the school at 8:10 am and heard the teachers discussing the possibility of flood and debris flows.Dong joined the discussion: “I did not quite fall asleep last night, and heard the water in MinjiangRiver flowing rapidly. The water level at the second bridge was also quite high. It’s scary.” When he Page | 201

looked up, he saw Tan talking on the phone on the first floor. He seemed to be reporting the situation tothe upper level in the county.Dong had just begun to wonder whether they should hand out homework and dismiss the children whenthe alarm went off. Tan hung up the phone and ran down from the stairs, shouting: “Get the studentstogether!” Dong followed him down to the ground floor. The students had reacted quickly and weresoon assembled, with Su standing at the front to organize them. Tan ordered the teachers to open theback gate but, realizing that he did not have the key, he ordered everyone to leave via the front entranceinstead. At this, the students dispersed immediately.The 100 or so children retreated to Yuzixi Village, near the public cemetery—the school’s designatedevacuation site. The students went first, followed by the teachers. Auntie Yang from the school cafeteriasaw Dong and asked him in surprise: “Where’s Bai Xue? And your son?”Bai Xue? My son? Dong suddenly felt anxious: “They’re still at home.” At this, Auntie Yang began toreproach him: “So why don’t you bring them out? Quickly! How dangerous this is!” It suddenlyoccurred to Dong that he could call and as soon as Bai Xue answered the phone he said: “Be quick.We’re retreating now. Get out with the child, quickly.”He talked hurriedly, and Bai Xue understood the seriousness of the situation. Songmin was still asleep,so she dragged him out of bed and wrapped him up with a blanket. Clutching a bag and her son, sherushed out of the apartment without even any shoes on. Reaching the first floor of the building, she raninto Liu, who had returned to get his wife and child after sending the students to the evacuation site.Together, they took Liu’s car to the top of Ertai Hill.When they arrived, Liu called Dong and told him that his wife and son were safe. Reassured as he was,Dong wanted to bring Bai Xue and Songmin to Yiuzixi Village where the teachers and students were.He returned to the school to get his car, picked them up from Ertai Hill, and began the drive back. Theroad had already been cordoned off, but the way to Dujiangyan was still open. Dong asked for leaveand took his wife and child to Dujiangyan before returning to the school. Finally, he felt at ease.The incident made Dong realize that, if a disaster were to happen again, the students would still be hispriority. In that moment of panic, many students were so scared that they dropped their school bags. Atfirst, Dong helped to gather them up. But then he piled the bags in a corner and led the quickly out ofthe school. Had he not reached the secondary school and met Auntie Yang, he would not haveremembered that Bai Xue and his son were still in the precarious relocation housing. Dong still feelsguilty for this whenever he thinks of it.Bai Xue, on the other hand, felt quite happy: her husband had driven her and their son all the way tosafety. Later, when Dong asked Bai Xue why, when she’d heard the alarm, she didn’t run, Bai Xueanswered innocently: “I don’t understand!” She had never experienced such a disaster before. It wasonly when she saw Dong rushing to meet them and trying to get a bottle of milk from home for theirson did she begin to feel scared. Then she called him incessantly: “Don’t go. Don’t. Come back quickly!”When the flood came, Dong did not feel fearful; he was quite confident there would not be real danger.When the students ran, he was still thinking that they should stay in lines. Later, he realized he had been Page | 202

wrong: the most important thing was to escape—not escape in order, or escape with schoolbags. And,though the flood did not directly endanger them, the debris flows it triggered were a threat to the wholeof Yingxiu Town; the landslide that happened one year earlier, on 14 August 2010, had destroyedYingxiu Hospital.Someone once asked Dong what he would do if he was given another chance in the same situation.“If I could take care of both my family and my students, it would be best,” said Dong. Just like he hadduring the earthquake, Dong instinctively went to save his students. Though he knew where his wifewas, he couldn’t abandon the students waiting for him to rescue them. “If I went straight home at the warning, I would blame myself just the same. After all, I’m the vice- principal. Of course I should be responsible for the safety of my family as well. I called home when I sent the students up the hill. And luckily, nothing bad had happened. Looking back from now, I should have called her when the students began to evacuate. After all, she’s a grown-up and knows how to protect herself and the child. I just don’t know why I went blank in a moment and only thought of the students.”***The flood that day destroyed his parents-in-law’s house. On 5 July, the old couple escaped by boat.Hearing this, Dong went to look for the couple that night. For a long time, he could not get through tothem, and both he and his elder brother, who was trapped in Wenchuan, were frantically worried. WhenDong found the old couple, they were asleep. Waking them up, he discovered why they had beenuncontactable: they had been duped. They had had bought a new phone and SIM card, but it had nosignal. Aggrieved by this injustice, Dong went the next day to demand an answer from the seller. Hebought a new phone card for the old couple, made sure it worked and reported back to his brother inWenchuan. Dong returned to Yingxiu, feeling much at peace.When he saw them, Dong could see how the old couple wanted to rely on him. And he wanted to berelied upon. But he also had his work and his family, which occupied most of his time. Whatever sparetime he had, he vowed he would visit the old couple with gifts, and keep them company during festivals.A few months before the flood, in April 2011, Dong’s parents-in-law moved into an apartment inDujiangyan. Dong’s mother-in-law still had not recovered from her illness and needed regular dialysis.So, to make sure they didn’t miss any hospital appointments, their eldest son had purchased theapartment, which was much nearer by than their own house.The apartment was close to where Liu lived and Dong often asked him to visit them, to check, forexample, whether there was natural gas, whether they were eating well, whether they had been outsideto get some sunlight. Their daughter was gone, and so too was their grandson; Dong was not bound tothem by blood. But he wanted to be their son-in-law forever, and they were always in his thoughts.A month after the couple moved in, Dong’s father-in-law had a fall and developed a cerebral thrombosis.On hearing what had happened, Dong went to Dujiangyan with his wife and son. It was a stormy night.Dong’s wife held his hand tightly, trying to instill himself with strength. Page | 203

There was a time when Dong had been too busy to visit. Even worse, his phone had broken too and hehad lost all the contacts he had saved. The couple wondered whether Dong had forgotten about themaltogether. But one day, he appeared at their door. Though it was a long journey, he had used the littletime he had when attending a meeting in Wenchuan to visit them. Seeing him there, they held his hands,embarrassed and smiling like children: they were not forgottenDong tried hard not to fail his dead wife. He did all he could to take care of the old couple, to fulfill thefilial duties that she could not. He might not do as well as she would have, but he tried. Bai Xue fullysupported him. Whenever Dong visited the old couple, she would volunteer to go with him. She wouldgreet them warmly, smile sincerely and express real concern for their wellbeing. She would often remindher husband: “Should we visit your parents-in-law soon? Should we call them now?” This made theold couple feel almost as though their beloved daughter had returned to them.When Dong’s father was alive, he appreciated this new daughter-in-law too. He thought Bai Xue waskind at heart and a good daughter; she was diligent and kept the home clean all the time. Moreimportantly, she was considerate towards Dong and did not ask him to do heavy housework.Before they were married, Bai Xue took care of her own parents by herself. She bought their dailynecessities and catered for their needs. She had a younger brother, but he was not nearly as diligent.Shortly after Bai Xue had Songmin, she received word that her mother had fallen ill. But her motherwas in northeast China, and neither Bai Xue nor Dong had time to visit. Dong feel terrible, but Bai Xuenever complained. She even tried to comfort him: “You had a hard time, too. You have all your jobduties, and it’s too far for you to visit.” She called home every day to ask how her mother was doing.But when Dong tried to persuade her to go back, she declined; she believed that she should share hisburdens.Dong felt lucky and contented that such a kind woman was his wife.Bai Xue never put any pressure on her husband, and Dong became even more considerate towards her.But as his workload got heavier, there were times when he had to leave the whole family in her hands.Sometimes she would nudge him on this point: “Look at you. You go to work before everybody else andcome home after everybody else.” Though she said this out of love and not to make him feel bad, Dongalways felt guilty. He would ask Bai Xue in a worried tone: “Do you mind if I come back a bit later atlunchtime?” or “Is it OK if I go out for dinner this evening?”Bai Xue tried to put her husband at ease. But often when Dong came home, he found that Bai Xue hadonly eaten instant noodles for dinner. “It’s nothing” she would say. “It doesn’t matter. I like to eat thisway. You do what you should do.”One day when Bai Xue didn’t know whether Dong was coming home for lunch, she only cooked forthe child and fed him. When Dong came back, she had taken Songmin to play outside.Dong asked: “Have you had lunch?”She said: “I have the rice ready but not the other dishes.”“Let’s go home,” said Dong. “I’ll make something simple for you.” Page | 204

After lunch, he asked again: “If I don’t come back at noon, do you just skip a meal?”She replied: “Of course I will eat. I eat when our son takes his nap.”He asked again: “So if the kid goes to sleep three or four o’clock in the afternoon, and you haven’t evenhad breakfast yet, do you just not eat until then? How can you treat yourself like this?”But still she said: “It’s alright. It’s alright. I can handle it.”Since becoming a mother, Bai Xue always took care of Songmin on her own like this. She would neithereat nor sleep properly, and this worried Dong. He often said, full of emotion, that he had found a goodwife who understood and supported him. She did almost all the housework. And when he was travelingon business, usually for a week, she would stay at home on her own. He was worried about her, butwith such a hectic schedule, all he could do was call once a day.In northeast China, people call careless people dahu (big tiger), and this was what Bai Xue often calledDong. At this, he would smile and say “My animal sign is indeed tiger. And our son is a tiger too. He’sthe little tiger, and I’m the big tiger.”Songmin cried often and could only be calmed down when Bai Xue nursed him. Bai Xue had alwaysliked to eat vegetarian food, but to feed her son, she ate much more than before. She knew that if shedid not eat, there would not be enough milk for the baby. He was her whole world now, and she wasfully occupied by him. Sometimes when the big tiger was taking care of the little tiger, she would notfeel relieved at all.Bai Xue often said: “I won’t let my kid suffer any grievance in the future.” And each time, Dong wouldreply: “Don’t say things like that”—though he himself said: “Marrying the wise and virtuous wife, BaiXue, is the starting point of my regained happy life. The birth of Songmin became the fulcrum of myhappiness. I will give him all the fatherly love I can. I will pamper him and offer him a happy life!”Their words revealed a social phenomenon: they were just like many of the other parents who hadchildren after the earthquake: “It’s so difficult to get this one. I have lost one in the past, and now Imust…”Bai Xue married Dong in her 30s and had only one child. Dong had lost one son and now had another.Would they go to the other extreme? He was trepid.Dong had always been proud of the way he had educated Dong Xuhao: he was both teacher and friendto his son. But seeing this new life growing up day by day in the cradle, began to worry: “Will I take adifferent attitude? Will I overindulge him?” When Dong thought back, Xuhao had really been broughtup by his grandparents. He only came back to his own parents after he went to kindergarten, by whichtime he was already a well-behaved child, in regular routines and good habits. They only needed to sendhim to school in the morning and pick him up later, read to him, and sing to him. It was easy to raisehim—like playing an interesting game. But Songmin was a blank piece of paper waiting to be filled byDong and Bai Xue. What would he draw on the paper? He could not imagine.How would Dong be a good father again? He could learn from his parents’ strict discipline. He had to Page | 205

be disciplinary when required, and he should offer love when needed. As Dong understood, the reasonwhy his father had been strict was because of his high expectations. But as a father himself, he onlywanted to ensure that his son had a happy and healthy childhood. Happiness, health, and mentalwellbeing were all he wanted for his son.He often said to Bai Xue: “Don’t put too much pressure on our son in the future. Don’t ask him to payus back, since our own parents never asked anything from us. It’s already the utmost joy to watch himgrow up. We only need to act as his guide in life.” And with this, Dong realized that he had becomegentle.In the past, as center of his family and head of the household, he had the final say about everything.From time to time, he would pull a long and serious face, and with his beard, he looked like a prudishold man. He thought himself very authoritative. At school, the students also thought of him as strict.Though perhaps they were judging from the bearded face too. Now, Dong kept his hair short and shavedevery other day. If his mother were alive, how joyful she would be at her son’s transformation! She usedto criticize her son’s slovenliness: “Your father is a tidy man; why are you so careless about your looks?”In days gone by, he would also become angry at home for no particular reason. Though the tempermight pass in a couple of minutes, Tang would sometimes argue with him about his behavior. To this,he would retort, with an innocent look: “My temper has passed, and I’m no longer angry. So why areyou still arguing with me? Get angry as you want. I’m not angry.” At such moments, Tang found himboth funny and annoying. Sometimes he would quarrel with his wife, and he even smashed a bowl oncewhen he lost his temper during meal. But he loved her deeply. Whether his temper affected Tang’sfeelings towards him, Dong did not know, but he knew he loved her and Xuhao all the same.Now that Dong had a new family, he never lost his temper over anything. He and Bai Xue neverquarreled. He had become more tolerant and appreciative of his wife, and Bai Xue, too, cherished theirrelationship deeply. Dong had even developed a theory about his own short temper: “If your anger diesdown in just two or three minutes, it means you shouldn’t have lost your temper in the first place. Ashort-temper may lead to many mistakes, disrupting family or work relationships.”He did not intend to change; it happened naturally. “Maybe I’m like a rock in the Minjiang River. I’vebeen worn smooth by the flowing water and lost my edges. It’s good to be smooth. That way I don’thurt anyone.”At work, Dong was also more emotional and gentler. He used to ignore those who irritated him at school,but now, he smiled always. He often thought: “What should I do today to make myself happy? Whichteachers should I talk to today and how? How to communicate my approach of management to them?”He was never so thoughtful in the past: back then, whatever he had decided to do, he would go aheadand do it. “He feels gentle” was the unanimous response of Dong’s colleagues.He became an emotional and gentle friend too. Back in Yingxiu, he missed those transitional days inShuimo. Though life was hard, living in their temporary housing, Dong, Liu, Su and Tang Yongzhonghad developed a brotherhood. This closeness accompanied them all the way from post-quake rescue,through the reopening of school, to the transition period. They had all lost their families but they talkedto each other about everything and kept one another’s company from beginning till the end. It gave Page | 206

them such a sense of belonging. Once, when Dong had been away in Wenchuan on training for twoweeks, he missed Yingxiu—his family and his colleague-brothers. When he came back, he and hiscolleagues played basketball and chatted until midnight. He felt at home.Sometimes, Bai Xue would ask him: “What are you so nostalgic about?”Yes, what was he so nostalgic about? Was it that feeling of closeness? Was it that everyone helped eachother like a family?As time passed, each of the ‘brothers’ found a new family. It was the natural process of life returning tonormal. Now, Dong was the vice-principal of Yingxiu Primary School, Su the director of teaching affairs,and Liu the vice-director of teaching affairs. Su and Liu happened to have close working relationshipswith Dong. So, even when they spent less social time together, they still had much to talk aboutwhenever they met. They would share their perspectives on each other’s problems, and of course theyhad even more to discuss when it came to their families—including how to feed and educate theirchildren.“No matter how our families and careers change, we’re closely connected to each other at heart.Friendship formed in adversity is hard to change, and I hope it never does.”There seemed to be some differences in the women, too. Dong’s wife Bai Xue, Liu’s wife Chai, andSu’s wife Zhao often got together to talk. As mothers, or mother-to-be, they seemed to have a specialconnection. Sometimes Dong would see the three women chatting in the yard and smile at the scene,feeling comforted that they were having a great time together. He used to say to Bai Xue often: “Youshould take Songmin out and spend time with others more often. When I go to work, you stay at homeall day. Not having a friend is not a good sign; you will get sick from being alone all the time.”Initially, Dong was concerned about the safety of Yingxiu and settled his wife and son in Dujiangyan.Having grown up in a relatively close-knit community, their son was frightened of strangers in this newand unfamiliar city. Whenever a stranger came by, and especially when anyone tried to hug him, hewould start to wail. Sometime later, Bai Xue insisted that they go back to live with Dong. Only thenwould the family be complete. This is how they finally reunited in Yingxiu.When they went to visit friends, Bai Xue often held her son in her arms. Aunts and teachers would tryto hug him, and he would shy away. But soon, he began to greet them, and even tried to talk, uttering“ah ah ah”.It was a down-to-earth, ordinary life and Dong was content. His happiness sprang from gratitude. Hisonly wish three years after the earthquake was to take good care of his family, live a simple life, andnot pursue fame or fortune. And yet the natural progression of his job soon took him to the next levelof his career.The meaning of stayingWhat did Dong think of the earthquake all these years later? He had known of a few devastatingdisasters, from television news reports and newspapers. But now, as a witness to one, he knew itsinfluence would be lifelong. In those hearts that had been broken, the pain would be there forever. Page | 207

Still, the disaster had also given Dong new understanding of life and of the world. The earthquake wassudden and inexorable. There was no time for anyone to stop, catch their breath, think, or cope. Now,all other struggles seemed trivial and surmountable. The disaster would be remembered no matter howmany years passed, but to start a new life was where all meaning lay for Dong.Now that Yingxiu had become known for its frequent natural disasters, someone asked Dong: “Wouldyou like to leave?” Three years later, his answer was still “no”.After the earthquake, Dong’s father had tried his best to persuade Dong to leave Yingxiu, thinking thatstaying would only prolong his sadness. And Dong did have the opportunity to leave. He wasapproached by the principal of Ma’erkang First Primary School, who was his teacher at Ma’erkangNormal College and on good terms with Dong’s father. The principal hoped that Dong would takecharge of teaching management. But Dong declined: “I’m not planning to leave yet. Thank you for yourkindness. If I find staying too much for me, just let me be an ordinary teacher there. I don’t need anyposition.” One reason for staying was to take care of his father, who was nearby in Dujiangyan. Butreally, Dong stayed because he never thought of leaving. He had been in Yingxiu for years, and had adeep love for the town.In March 2009, Dong had another chance to move. Che, the vice department head of the county’sPublicity Department, came to Yingxiu for an inspection and brought Dong a book titled The Power ofWill. In the book was an article authored by Dong, which told the heroic stories of the teachers ofYingxiu Primary School during the earthquake. Che thought that Dong was a good writer and a goodthinker, and wanted to transfer him temporarily to his department. But Yingxiu was still underreconstruction, and Dong had to be there when the new school was built. Again, he declined.Principal Tan and Su both supported the idea of Dong leaving Yingxiu, believing that a change inenvironment would be good for him. So, later that year, when the Education Bureau of the prefectureasked Tan to recommend someone to take on the role of secretary of the bureau, Tan came to Dong. Hesaid to Dong that he was still young and having lost the chance to go to the Publicity Department, thistime he had to consider the opportunity carefully. That night, they talked until midnight. Finally, Dongsaid to his principal: “I have left everything here in Yingxiu. My home is here, so I’ll stay no matterwhat.” No, Dong would not leave no matter what. He would hold on till the end.Dong often said: “People all believe that this is not a good place to live, but I’m not afraid. There areplenty of aftershocks and fewer people are living here now, but I’m not scared. Quite a few times I havebeen woken by the trembling of aftershocks, but I wasn’t panicky at all. However, now I’m indeed scaredbecause I cherish life much more. My new family is rooted in Yingxiu, and this place is where my mostprecious memories and brotherhood are embedded.”This was his Yingxiu complex, a complex that he himself could not explain and that made him want totake root here and nowhere else. Perhaps it was because of his father, who had hoped his son woulddevote himself to their hometown when he had failed to do so. For Dong, only in Yingxiu could he findthe meaning of life. From the years of ‘one teacher, one school’ to the present Yingxiu Primary School,his values had been realized. In his own words, he had turned his life pursuit into the pursuit of life.And he had plenty of new understandings about life. These days, Dong’s schedule was always hectic— Page | 208

“Not a single moment to pause”, in his own words. This busy schedule had helped improve his sleep.He liked to read before bed, especially the magazine Stories. Bai Xue often asked him in confusion:“Why are you still reading this magazine? Only children read it!” Dong did not tell her that it was hisparents’ favorite, his favorite and his son, Xuhao’s, favorite. He found it hard to let go of his fondnessfor that magazine. If at night he could not find it in the house, he would sometimes even wake Bai Xueto ask about it. Dong also liked to read Weekly Digest, another of his father’s favorites. He had keptreading it; things like these, inherited from his family, became his habits.Dong thought often of his lost family, but he never let it show should it upset Bai Xue. After all, shehad married him for a new life together and must not want to see her husband trapped in grief. Dongtried hard to hide his pain. Only on the anniversary of their deaths would he let go and indulge himselfin memories.Such longing for the past had become a source of anxiety for Dong. The more he reminisced, the moreconfused he became. Even before the earthquake, he had had similar experiences. Sometimes, when hehad difficulty falling asleep, those memories would flood his thoughts. He would open his eyes suddenly,turn on the light and drink some water. Returning to bed once again, he would sigh to himself: “It feelsso good to live in the real world. Good enough to be alive.”He never told anyone, not even his wife, about the things that haunted him. He was afraid to put pressureon Bai Xue. All he wanted was to give her safety, protection, tolerance and care. Later he began to forcehimself to replace his painful thoughts with different ones. He told himself not to think about it or tryto imagine it, because nobody could ever imagine what dying was like.So he started to replace those thoughts with questions by his own will.He started to wonder: “When the earthquake happened, what would I be doing if I were my son? Whatwas he thinking, buried beneath the debris?” He would also think of his wife Tang: “What was shedoing when it happened? What would I be thinking about if I were in her place?” He would think ofhis parents: “What was my mother thinking as she was going down the stairs and the building wasalready collapsing? What was my father thinking when he said goodbye to the guests and struggled toget up the stairs?”Dong’s heart would pound heavily, as though he were coming close to death. He asked himself: “Whatwould I think or do if I were dying in the next moment?” Dong used to share such thoughts with hisbrother, who had been haunted by the same questions. “Are we sick? Is this mental illness?” his brotherasked him. “Why do we only think about these questions at night, not during the day?”True, we will all leave this world someday, and no one can be sure how long they will stay on this earthor how far they will travel. How limited and unpredictable our physical life is! But does the humanspirit or soul live on? Can a person be immortal in this way? Dong’s heart would skip a beat wheneverhe considered such questions. Never managing to make sense of these thoughts, he would try to pullhis mind away to other things. Sometimes, when he still felt bitter, depressed and helpless, he wouldsay to himself: “Think about the present. I’m alive and living a good life with my wife and son. Don’tbe engrossed in such thoughts.” Page | 209

This is how a psychologist analyzed and illustrated Dong’s experience: ‘Grief is a normal reaction after the death of a loved one, and it requires a natural process of catharsis. Soon after the earthquake, Dong was assigned many tasks including the report tour. His time was fully occupied by work. Most of the time, he was the representative, the symbol of the school, but his inner pain always lacked an outlet. Couplehood is the most intimate relationship, in which the expression of different emotions is allowed and needed. But Dong, in order to protect his wife, could not open himself up and face the past together with his wife. In fact, the pain might fade away when they both learn to talk about and accept the influence of the past on their present life. But Dong’s anxiety and nervousness prevented his wife from talking about this topic with him, and therefore he missed an opportunity to release emotions and express himself. That’s why his pain and anxiety lingered for a long time.’That was exactly what happened. Dong did not designate a place in his heart to store those painfulemotions for fear that treating them differently might reinforce their power. He simply tried to controlhis thoughts—which he could do in his waking hours but in his dreams, he was helpless. Every night,he would kiss his son’s face and hold his little hand before he could fall asleep contented. But still hedreamt of his departed loved ones. It was as though the memories where imbedded in his very cells,memories that would never leave but would torture him forever.One day, Dong had another such a dream. He dreamt of his birthplace and spending time with his parents.He was sure that he would never forget them. Sometimes he would hate himself for comparing the pastwith the present—something he had promised himself he wouldn’t do. He might think about his wifeand his son: “If she was here, she would educate him like this....” But as soon as he’d said the words,he would be filled with regret immediately, and afraid that Bai Xue would be unhappy. But Bai Xuenever argued with him, nor got angry. At least on the surface.Dong knew that all the details about his parents, his wife and his son were alive in him, even after hehad begun a new life. In the eyes of others, Dong was positive and strong, both in work and in life, buthe knew this strength was a façade. What helped him most was his ongoing self-adjustment, whichallowed him to remember the past while living in the present.Three years after the earthquake, Dong was still haunted by anxiety. It was partly because of his seriouspersonality. He always had a strict and regular daily routine. Every day, he went to school early,assigning tasks and inspecting the results… Then, before he knew it, it was time to go home. As aserious person, Dong always wanted to do his best, and would expect others to do likewise. If hisexpectations weren’t met, he would lose sleep. And, no matter how he comforted himself afterwards,saying over and over, “Let it go. Get over it”, he would be just as much a perfectionist the next time. Itwas for this reason that some teachers considered Dong too strict, and hoped he would become moreunderstanding and tolerant.When Dong realized this was a problem, he took a long, hard look at himself, and had a deepconversation with Principal Tan. “This is perfectionism prompted by pressure-related anxiety,” Tan said.And this was true: how could he not feel under pressure having just experienced another evacuationduring the debris flow? How could he not feel under pressure having just moved into the school into itsnew buildings? Having just held the three-year anniversary of the earthquake? Having started the ‘three Page | 210

foundations and one window’ project… Since moving to the new campus, Dong had wished simply tolie on his newly bought sofa and watch the newly-bought TV. But with endless tasks at school, overtimein front of the computer and helping with childcare, even this humble wish was out of reach. As soonas he sat on the sofa, he would fall asleep.With the increasing workload that came with becoming vice-principal of Yingxiu Primary School, Dongbegan to miss being a class teacher. In the past, his sole responsibilities were to teach Chinese, managethe students and mark assignments. And the children in his class were always well-behaved; once Donghad set the rules, they would follow them accordingly. The students could evaluate their workthemselves and reminded Dong when it was time to award prizes. The school had offered the teachersplenty of space, provided they fulfilled their duties.Another source of Dong’s anxiety was the changing work environment. During the transition in Shuimo,all the teachers lived in prefabricated buildings, and living conditions were terrible. Bai Xue waspregnant at the time, but Dong could not take her back as all the school materials and equipment wereup on the hill. Finally, they moved back to the new campus and into new relocation housing, but thenDong began to worry about the presence of formaldehyde that would harm the child’s health.Of course, this anxiety had come hand in hand with his regained happiness: it was a blessing that BaiXue had come all the way from northeast China to marry him, a blessing to have another son after losingone during the earthquake. With no grandparents to help them with childcare, the couple were simplyexhausted. And despite his worries and lingering pain, Dong forged ahead on his new life’s journey. Foran ordinary man who has suffered so much, what else could one expect?These days, Dong could hardly imagine idling away his time. Bai Xue teased him: “Now you’re gettingused to having something to do all the time?” She was right: a busy day for Dong was always a fulfillingday. “Tired? Of course. But now that I’m in this position, I can’t afford to make mistakes,” he explains.“So I have to finish my tasks and finish them well every day.” Only then would Dong feel the day wascomplete.This sense of ‘completeness’ was the most precious treasure for Dong after the disaster. He was thankfulfor it—thankful for this hectic, non-stop life.Case analysis for Dong XuefengYANG Yanchun, West China Hospital, Sichuan UniversityWith awe and respect for life and for the survivors, I dived into the story of Dong Xuefeng. I exploredand analyzed each detail, and tried to reconstruct the human psychological mechanisms and dynamicsof recovery after death-induced stress. My hope is that it may provide insights for disaster relief andpsychological assistance for other disaster-affected people.1. Brain responses to earthquake Page | 211

1.1 Cognitive responses1.1.1 Cognitive shock The moment that disaster occurs, people sense strong shaking and become dizzy and unstable. Basedon his past experiences, Dong quickly judged that it was an earthquake, and ‘escape’ became his onlybehavior command. The scene of an earthquake fills people with extreme terror, and the only reactionin face of such terror and impending death was “It’s over”. People are stunned by the crying of childrenand collapsing buildings. The brain’s suspension of normal, rational thinking processes during suddenand severe disaster stress is called ‘cognitive shock’.The characteristics of cognitive shock are: when all familiar cues for cognitive activities suddenlydisappear, higher level cognitive activities of the brain are completely suspended, and complex rationalthinking comes to a halt. The individual does not know what to do, as environmental cues for normalbehaviors are lacking, and self-identity and awareness have lost their points of reference. During the 12May earthquake, the only reference point remaining for Dong was the school principal, and so he didwhatever the principal did, automatically.An earthquake not only destroys lives, but also deals a heavy blow to our cognitive system. Whenadvanced cognitive functions are interrupted, the cognitive system will regress to basic, habitualbehaviors. As the cognitive appraisal system related to emotions is temporarily shut down, people fallinto a state of emotional numbness. This was what happened to Dong: he could not feel sad or cry. Theprincipal was counting the students instinctively; Dong was likewise searching for his students out ofinstinct. He was so fully occupied by the idea of saving his students that he did not think of his own son.He did not have the capacity to rationally think about where his son was or how to find him.Under such life-threatening situations, the brain’s automatic thinking activities are all about surviving.This is the fundamental awareness of life; to ensure survival is the primary function of the brain.Everyone was acting under the influence of this same mental command and, during the 24 hours afterthe disaster, saving lives was all that anyone did. Instinctively and automatically, they used whatevermethods and whatever tools to save people. It was a crazy and mechanic action. And it was crazybecause it was reckless. The command was to be alive and save lives, and that was the single thing thatfueled the voluntary rescue efforts. From individuals to the community, the fight against death wasunstoppable. It demonstrated the supreme position of life itself, whatever life it was.1.1.2 Cognitive resilience Dong’s experience during the semesters after the earthquake reflects the process of cognitive recovery.He wrote in his journal: “All of a sudden, I don’t know how to give a lecture. Before the earthquake, Iwas so passionate about teaching the big class. But now, when I see the dozen students remaining inthe classroom, my passion is all gone.” This is because emotional reactions to traumatic cues repressand interfere with cognition. Another feature of affected cognition is aimless wandering and an inabilityto concentrate. Dong mentioned that arranging the teaching schedule was the hardest task for him, andthis is because the task required full concentration and flexible thinking—things he lacked at that time.With the support of counselors, gradually Dong adjusted himself and recovered. This is the adaptabilityand resilience of cognition. Page | 212

1.2 Emotional reactions1.2.1 Phases of emotion post-disaster During the first 24 hours after a disaster, people’s emotional reactions go through three phases: terror,despair and hope.First, terror. After a short period of emotional repression, the tragic scene of the aftermath and missingfamily members made the teachers feel “It’s over”. They were consumed by despair. Memories of theterrifying moment that the earthquake took place had been deeply imprinted on people’s mind, and theybecame hypersensitive to and terrified by disaster-related cues and information. But, as aftershocksrecurred, their fearful reactions decreased. This enabled the teachers to race against the clock and savethe students. Adding to fear-related stress was the stress of bereavement. Fear-related stress increasesthe vigilance of the body and flashbacks of traumatic memories, while bereavement-related stresslowers the body’s awareness and represses the activity in the brain. The combination of the two mayhave partly offset the risk of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).Second, despair. During the first 24 hours after the disaster, faced with the excruciating reality of hisson’s death, and the deaths of so many students, Dong felt his world had been devastated. He felt thathis life had lost meaning and hope, and he was overwhelmed. This is the initial reaction of anyone facedwith such situation—despair. Such despair results from family break-ups or the loss of family members,deprivation of love and happiness, shattered dreams of prosperity, and the loss of personal values,meaning and sense of purpose. The moment that the earthquake occurred, family—with all its happinessand hopes—was uprooted, and such severe emotional pain made Dong indifferent to physical pain.Finally, hope. During the first night after the disaster, people had nothing to eat and no place to sleep.It was cold, raining and dark. With the continuous booming sound of mountain collapsing, what peoplehoped for most then was the arrival of rescue teams. Timely rescue is vital: it brings hope to the affectedpeople and lifts them out of despair. In the first 24 hours, terror and fearlessness go hand in hand, anddespair coexists with hope. People did only two things: save lives and survive in the debris, each fightingits own battle between hope and despair.1.3 Traumatic memories about disasterTraumatic memories about disaster include sensory memories, episodic memories, emotional memoriesand retrospections evoked by catastrophic disaster. The sensory memories of disaster-related trauma arestrong and deep, usually accompanied by fear and painful emotions. The concept of ‘flashbulb memory’in cognitive psychology describes the memories of sudden, intense, brief but recurrent sensory shocks.Either single or multiple senses could be affected. Such memories become the foundation of flashbacks,a symptom of PTSD. A flashback is the brain’s automatic release of the energy stored in the long-termelectrical potential in the synapses at the time of the trauma. Dong’s olfactory memory of the deadbodies during the rescue period is one example. The smells of liquor and decaying bodies were mixedin Dong’s memories for a whole month, and so he then rejected liquor for quite a while. That is a typicalflashback symptom of PTSD. The flashbacks of partial sensory memories do not require specialtreatment; as time passes, the symptoms will disappear.Dong once said in an interview: “I believe I’ll never forget my mother, my wife, and my son. I’ll alwaysremember them. …I’ll miss them for as long as I live. Nobody’s going to talk me out of it.” Such deeply Page | 213

ingrained memories are retrospections after catastrophic disasters. The brain is trying to fill theemptiness from bereavement with memories, and maintain inner emotional connections and coherenceof the self. Perhaps this is a psychological compensation mechanism.2. Grief and its internal working model2.1 Psychological process of griefObviously, grief is the key area of focus for post-disaster relief and psychological assistance. Grief isthe emotional reaction of people who have experienced bereavement, usually lasting for about sixmonths. Bereavement is not only memory but a fact. The basic process of grief after the earthquakeincludes five stages: hope and fantasy, denial, reflection, sadness, and acceptance.Grief following a disaster is different from grief in other, less out-of-the ordinary situations in thatpeople still have hopes and fantasies about their deceased family members. For instance, before Dongfinally saw the bodies of his wife and son, he always harbored the hope that they survived. He hopedthat his son would be soon found, but somehow did not want to see his son being carried out of thedebris. Hope then turned to fantasy: Dong called his wife incessantly in the direction of her office,hoping that she would hear, until the next morning. His hope was finally shattered at the sight of thelifeless body of his son, and he started to deny: he believed that his son was just in a coma, and he keptgiving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. He also reflected: he could not push away the thought thathis son might have survived had he had just another five seconds to run… Reflection is the cognitiveprocessing of bereavement-related information after a disaster, such as the reconstruction of the deathscenario.Sadness is the acknowledgement of the fact of bereavement. The painful emotions of bereavement,whether expressed directly or not, are unavoidable. Crying and weeping alone are the most direct meansby which to express sadness and are a basic bereavement behaviour. Dong frequently woke in the middleof the night crying and, then awake, would lie in bed and weep. He also mentioned in the interview “Ialways feel an excruciating pain in my heart when I think of them and want to cry”. Crying is theoriginal subcortical processing of sad emotions. Voice and tears can release a large amount of grief and,after crying, people often feel relieved. The timely release of negative emotions can promote therecovery of rational thinking and help people to begin a new life. The urge to cry should not be repressedbecause repression will only increase the tension of inner negative emotions and interrupt the processof psychological healing. Only when one no longer has the urge to cry can rational thinking andcognition begin to recover.2.2 Cognitive processing of griefDong’s experience of grief is a typical example of the cognitive processing of emergent disasters. Hisbrain rejected all unfavorable information; although he clearly knew that what had happened could notbe changed, he still could not help but fantasize about reasons and conditions that would have sparedhis family from death. Because of the disconnection between pre-bereavement memories and post-disaster reality, the brain works hard to complete the cognitive process between the past and the present.Dong tried repeatedly to reconstruct and experience the details surrounding his son’s death, includingthinking about where he was, what he was doing, who he was with, how he tried to escape, and whathe was feeling and thinking shortly before he died. Though this was torturous process, Dong thought Page | 214

about and experienced it over and over again. In this repeating, active cognitive process, the brain wasunconsciously reconstructing and filling in the blanks of memories related to his family before and afterthe disaster. This helped Dong recover. These mental reconstructions are not simply repetitions, but alsoacknowledgement of the fact of bereavement. Sad emotions are also gradually dissolved in this process,so that they too become part of the newly constructed cognitive system. Dong’s grief for his wife alsowent through the same process.Dong’s story reveals that, when several family members die at or around the same time, it is the onemost closely related by blood to the living individual that often becomes the primary target of grief.Multiple bereavement also increases the cognitive load of grief processing and takes longer to beprocessed and reconstructed. Ultimately, the reality of the loss must be accepted and incorporated intofuture life. The broken link of emotional attachment caused by bereavement is reconnected by newintimate relationships—as was the case with Dong, who remarried and had another son. I believe thisis the cognitive processing of grief for people with better than average cognitive abilities. When dealingwith grief, the person usually does not voluntarily talk about their inner pain, and when they do, it isusually with trusted family members or friends. It is essential to talk about pain with those who haveexperienced the same event—in this case, Dong’s colleagues. Such conversations are the best way tohelp an individual walk out from under the shadow of grief. The insight from Dong’s experience is: tryto put people with the same experience together and encourage them to confide in and support eachother; give them enough time to form and maintain new brotherhood and help each other heal. Forcingpeople to open up to psychological helpers unless they feel safe or willing is ill-advised. For women,older individuals and children, they may not rationally think about or process the fact and rely more onirrational cognition such as fantasies or religious beliefs. Psychological assistance to people who aregrieving should not be dogmatic; instead, it must be based on the specific cognitive development leveland cultural background of the individual.2.3 Formation of symbiotic relationship and its functionA symbiotic relationship after disaster is a relationship in which a group of people, having experiencedthe same disaster and loss and out of survival instinct and hope, rely on and support each other, sharetheir thoughts and feelings among themselves, face and overcome difficulties together, and try to rebuildtheir lives. Dong and several of his colleagues, including Su and Liu, developed such a symbioticrelationship after the disaster. They lived in the same room, surfed the internet and played cards together,and there was nothing that they could not talk about. Having experienced the disaster, they could easilyunderstand each other’s pain and despair. One person’s words could express and release the feelings ofall other symbiotic partners. This brother-like relationship helped the release and expression of negativeemotions for all involved; everyone was talking, as well as listening, and this helped others to heal. Thesymbiotic relationship also involved behaviors and interactions such as chatting, drinking, playingbasketball, blog-writing, crying, watching movies, etc. These behaviors and interactions did not add topersonal feelings of shame, damage their self-respect or give rise to a sense of superiority. Four peoplebecame one, and all of them felt each other’s pain and supported one another by lessening feelings offear, loneliness and helplessness. The wisdom nurtured by this symbiotic relationship enabled them tocope after the disaster. With recovery and reconstruction, they began to revive and develop until theyeach had their own career and family once again. This symbiotic relationship will dissolve with recoverybut will live on in beautiful memories for all of them, memories of how brotherhood gave them new Page | 215

life. The brain is more prone to remember such life-and-death experiences.A symbiotic relationship can be formed both among a few individuals and in a big community such asYingxiu Primary School. Dong called the post-disaster school “a big, happy family”. The emphasishere is on “happy” and “big”. Having experienced the same disaster, people become friends to eachother, sharing the same pain, the same traumatic experiences, the same hopes. They do the same job,drink from the same bottle, sing the same songs and eat from the same pot. They tell each other aboutthe same wounds and dreams. This psychological compatibility holds them tightly together. Eachreveals part of themselves to the others, and they all tolerate and empathize with each other. They canunderstand each other without much explanation. The symbiotic relationship after disaster is like afurnace for coping with grief: each person’s resources become part of the common resources for thesymbiotic entity. What little confidence, courage and wisdom abides in one person will soon spread tothe others. The symbiotic relationship is like the tissue reaction after a physical injury: it formsautomatically, and stabilizes and protects the injured tissue. Such a relationship also goes through thestages of formation, development and dissolution. If post-disaster psychological assistance can helpform and maintain such symbiotic relationships, it would be hugely advantageous to the people inrecovery. On the contrary, if such relationships are damaged, the recovery process will be interrupted.If we use a medical term to describe what the psychological counselors do after disaster, it would be“psychological debridement and wound-dressing to facilitate self-fitting and create conditions forhealing”.3. Impact of disaster on personal valuesWhen a disaster has deprived a person of everything, they suddenly realize that what matters most isfamily, while fame and fortune pale in comparison. “To be alive is enough happiness.” “When you’realive, you can enjoy each day of your life.” Happiness is not hard to find; it is only that people fail tonotice the precious nature of being alive. People who have escaped the hands of death regard livingitself as a gift. As well as damaging the physical world, the life-and-death experience of disaster alsocauses shocks and stresses to a person’s core value system. The individual will be forced to reevaluatetheir values regarding life and death, and then inspired to maximize the value of living.4. Psychological resilience4.1 Social support and mental recoveryAfter the earthquake, Dong’s identity changed from teacher to disaster victim. His old self no longerexisted, and he became a victim in need of help. Positive social support includes the provision of safesettlement, basic facilities, material assistance and opportunities for reemployment. Such supportpromotes psychological recovery by eliminating fear, releasing sadness and instilling hope in theaffected people. The disaster victims are no longer passively waiting to be helped but instead becomean active force in disaster relief. Altruistic behaviors after the disaster can increase one’s sense ofmeaning and value, and stave off disaster-related thoughts.With loss comes gain. Losing everything in the earthquake has brought Dong a scarce resource: theexperience of a near escape from death. This experience belongs not only to Dong but to society; his ismuch more than a personal story, but one that questions humankind, attitudes towards life and death,human and nature, human extremes, and the very meaning of life. As soon as Dong escaped from death, Page | 216

he was showered with passionate support and attention from society and became a media favorite. Theearthquake deprived Dong of everything materially but it offered him the rarest treasure of having takenon extremity. In the 20-plus speeches he delivered during a single month—from a mechanical recital tothe natural expression of emotions—Dong’s values underwent a significant sublimation. Theconcentration of all kinds of social resources in such a short time left Dong no time to deal with hisinner grief. Speeches, tours, and the consolation and care from the government leaders have greatlynourished this man who was on the brink of mental collapse. These activities afforded him the energyto rekindle the fire of life. It is a magical medicine that evokes feelings of pleasure, value and positivityto counteract the terror and stress stimulated by the earthquake. Memories of the earthquake are thenreconstructed and re-interpreted with the help of strong social support and positive emotions. Suchreconstruction facilitated by social support is sufficient to create a new self-identity. ‘Hero teacher’,‘earthquake relief hero’, ‘Olympic torch bearer’, becoming a probationary and then a full Partymember… the series of social role transitions Dong underwent, and the developments he experiencedin his personal values showed him hope and meaning. All of which helped Dong to build up a positiveoutlook on life.The shadows of fear gradually die away after disaster. Neurobiological research shows that socialsupport can decrease stress-related neurotransmitters and stress hormones, facilitate the activation ofthe brain’s prefrontal lobe, and thus lessen negative emotions and restore rational thinking and cognitivememories. This fends off fear but cannot eliminate the pain of bereavement. Dong once wrote: “WhenI’m alone in a quiet place, the deeply hidden grief of bereavement will emerge. Sometime later, I willfeel that I need a quiet space again, and I will lock myself up in a room. I can cry or be immersed insadness, and no one knows what I’m doing.” Being alone allows the real experience to emerge.Bereavement caused by natural disasters is comparatively simple because people cannot fight againstnature. Compared to bereavement caused by terrorism or psychosocial stress, bereavement from naturaldisaster does not entail feelings of shame, guilt and humiliation, though there might be self-reproach.Simple sadness is easier to recover from than sadness compounded by shame and guilt. Painful asbereavement is, feelings of guilt or humiliation might be the ultimate destructive blow to the survivors.If social workers or psychological assistance professionals can help survivors to overcome any feelingsof shame, guilt and self-blame, it will greatly benefit their psychological recovery.Even new roles may not be able to replace the pain of bereavement. The reprocessing of inner cognitiveemotions resulting from grief takes time. Sometimes, Dong visits the memorial halls of his colleaguesand friends, the virtual memorial hall of his wife and son. Sometimes he talks to them. Processing griefis psychological and cognitive, and the painful emotions need time to broken down and be integrated.Crying and dreaming are two ways in which the brain deals with a large amount of negative emotions.In dreams, all kinds of unconscious grief information go beyond the block of consciousness and revealthemselves in different scenarios to release emotions. Dreams are valuable for coping with grief in thatthey enable the negative emotions to reveal themselves in secret and lower the tension of negativeemotions repressed in the day. This hidden processing mechanism of grief may be the reason why, awhile after bereavement, people start to dream frequently.4.2 Impact of environmental factors on psychological recoveryDong has had many opportunities to leave Yingxiu but gave up all of them. From that we can see hehas built relationships in the environment in which he lives. His surroundings have become part of his Page | 217

cultural identity. The best environment for post-disaster psychological recovery is one that is most likethe pre-disaster environment. Similarity and familiarity allow the person to maintain a coherent andstable self, and maximize their resources to find a new direction in life. Complying with the self-fittingprocess of the mental realm with its own cultural and ecological environment is beneficial topsychological recovery.4.3 Early intimate relationships and post-disaster psychological resilienceEarly attachment relationships shape a person’s basic attitudes towards life and living. For adults, theyare also powerful protective factors against catastrophic incidents and mental illness. According toneurobiological studies, early attachment facilitates the continuing development of the brain andnervous system, forming a good foundation for cognitive and personality development. Growing up ina loving family offers children opportunities to learn to love, and supports and powerfully influencesthe development of morality and positive self-identity. Dong’s parent’s life principles and morals havebeen internalized in him from an early age, and later became the foundations for his courage, self-confidence, positive personal values and attitudes, and pro-social behaviors. They were also present inDong’s choice to be a teacher and how he treated his students. Dong’s reactions and life attitudes afterthe series of near-death experiences and deaths of his family members reflect the loving, warm familyenvironment he had when growing up. Sense of security, self-respect and self-confidence formed inchildhood are protective factors against PTSD.As I understand, post-disaster reactions and psychological recovery involves a series of disciplinesincluding neurobiology, cognitive science, trauma psychology, disaster social work and psychologicalresilience. It is a subject to be jointly explored and discussed by interdisciplinary professionals. Inaddition, the interactions between and among genetics, early life environment, cognitive developmentlevel, personality maturity, social support and assistance and the catastrophic incident can also besignificant influencing factors on the process of individual psychological recovery. Page | 218

Chapter 11. All I have is hereThe story of Liu Zhongneng, three years after the earthquakeA new startThe new school was built upon hope and a strong sense of responsibility. In the display windows at theback of the teaching building, the introduction of the earthquake-resistant structures of the school madepeople realize how perfectly schools could be built. It was entirely possible for schools to be constructedinto beautiful, strong and safest structures. A real school should be like that. Only with their children insuch a school can parents rest assured they will never lose them, and never lose hope.The teachers, who had been busy with reconstruction for the past three years, would never lose hopeeither. “It’s my home. I’ve been wandering around for three years and, since returning, I finally feelsettled.” Three years later, Liu, along with the school, turned the corner into their new start.After moving into the new school, Liu felt strongly that people were different: “They’re all upbeat. Andthey dress differently. There’s a new spirit in what they say and do.” For three years, the teachers hadtried hard to adjust themselves, and they had improved, day by day. Liu also discovered that the teacherscould now talk about topics that used to be ‘sensitive’—such as offering sacrifice to their lost relatives.But during his first two months back in Yingxiu, Liu did not return to the site of the old school once.“It’s torturous. Whenever I see the flagpole, scenes begin to emerge in my mind...”On his first day back at the new school, Liu took fresh flowers—his wife’s favorite—and milk for hisson, to the public cemetery. The inscription on the monument to the lives claimed by the earthquakewas heart-wrenching: Mountains and rivers mourn, and the whole country shed tears for the earthquake victims; Heaven and earth grieve, and the entire land lament for national martyrs.Many other people, also visiting their families, passed Liu. He knew that such visits of remembrancewould now be a lifelong ritual for many Yingxiu residents.Liu’s wife and son’s tombstone read: Heartbroken for their departure, I think of my wife and son in tears. Tomb of late wife, Kong Li, and son, Liu Xusiyu. Kong Li was born on 8 August 1979. Liu Xusiyu was born on 26 July 2002. The 12 May earthquake took their lives.Liu cleaned up the withered flowers and spoiled drinks in front of the tomb and tried to wipe the dirtfrom the tombstone, as though he were gently wiping his wife’s face. The biggest comfort for Liu duringthe earthquake was that he stayed till the very end, found his wife and son, buried them in a place hechose and erected the tombstone for them. But this was far, far from enough: they had lived togetherfor so long and he always felt sorry, sorry that he had failed them. Here, in front of his wife and son’s Page | 219

tomb, Liu exposed his innermost feelings.It was getting dark. Below the cemetery, the lit-up streets of Yingxiu Town were still bustling, like theydid before the disaster. The national flag on the old school site was still waving in the wind. The eastand west sides of the river seemed to represent the past and present lives of the town.Liu knew it was time to go home. On the way, two children ran past him. Who had given them the liliesand the butterfly orchid? They smelled so fragrant. The smell reminded him of the slow life, a relaxingsmell.It started to spot with rain, and Liu quickened his steps. He knew that once he entered the new schoolgate, he would be able to see the light in the faculty apartment building, a warm welcome back to hisearthly life.Staying with dreams and painSince starting a new family and a new career, this sturdy Qiang man had become a more tolerant, down-to-earth, and endearing person. In July 2011, his son, Liu Junxi, was 10 months’ old. Liu bought a newapartment in Dujiangyan besides his faculty apartment at the school. At work, he was not only Chairmanof the Union but also a class teacher, and managed teaching affairs. Work soothed his pain, and his newfamily brought him fresh happiness and hope.More than three years earlier, on 25 May 2008, the traumatized Liu left Yingxiu after completing hisduties with Tan. In that moment, he secretly promised himself: “Goodbye Yingxiu. Your child is nevercoming back again, because you have ruthlessly ruined everything he ever had.”But after just one week in Chengdu, Liu began to miss the little town. He missed Yingxiu, where he hadspent his youth, and experienced both the sweetness and the bitterness of life. Having lived there for 20years, Liu regarded the town as his second home. It had witnessed Liu’s life—from school to work,from starting a family to planning the future. He was deeply attached to Yingxiu, and absence from itmade him feel empty. What he had lost and left was there in Yingxiu; his family would be there forever.Heartbreaking a place as it was, he would feel even more tortured if he left: “I’m determined to stay,because everything that I ever had begun and ended here.” He could not leave.Liu’s older brother once offered him a job elsewhere, but he declined. His friends tried to persuade him:“Buddy, change your surroundings.” But he would not. Principal Tan asked him: “Do you want to goto other schools? You can if you want to.” But still Liu answered no, and said that he wanted to stay inYingxiu for the rest of his life.The first thing Liu did whenever he returned Yingxiu from travelling was to visit his wife and son onthe hill. The sight of the silent tomb would quiet his heart and make him feel at home. Knowing thatthey were resting in peace here, he felt that staying in Yingxiu was also a hope in life.During the first semester after the earthquake, Liu’s grief and repression made him avoid others. Whenhe interacted more with his students, he realized that he was not the only sad person in the world. Infact, many of the children who appeared to be joyful had a painful and helpless heart just like him. Page | 220

Liu often said that earthquake had changed him greatly. In the past, work to him was just a duty. He hadlittle to do with his students after class. Now, he began to get to know them. He urged himself to be aresponsible teacher who gave as much as he could to the students. In this process, he was having fun:“The more I work, the less I think and the more I enjoy work. Then I feel happier.”Liu now gave as much as he could to his family too. Before the disaster, he had not done as much as hecould in terms of caring for his wife and son. He would go out to have fun and leave them behindwhenever he wanted, would come home late at night and watch TV with the volume up high, regardlessof his sleeping his wife and child. When he visited his parents, he greeted them when he arrived andsaid goodbye when he left, but never asked more about their life. Now, he was much more considerate.Currently living with his son and his parents-in-law, Liu now slept on the sofa if he came back late, incase he woke up the elders or the little one. He would make tea for the old couple, greet them warmlyand them how they were. Whenever he went out, he would tell his wife and parents-in-law where hewas going and when he was coming back, a habit he only formed after the earthquake. If there wasanything wrong with the child, he worry while he was away at work.His friends said of him: “Liu Zhongneng can be considerate towards others now. Not as willful asbefore.” But the word Liu used to describe himself was “calculated”. He said he now started plan beforehe did anything. To him, to be “calculated” was a positive thing. Before the earthquake, he would dive,head first, into things. Now, he would think carefully about the best approach.Liu’s wife, Chai Yongli, who was reassigned to work in Yingxiu Town after the earthquake, was alsovery happy to stay and re-build this town with the man she loved.“Yuzixi brook and Minjiang River cannot flood. If they did, what would happen to Dujiangyan andChengdu plain? So why should we worry so much about the future? At least we’re living a good lifenow in Yingxiu. To speak the truth, a long-distance relationship would be bad for the family. My wifewould be very tired taking care of the child on her own. If we’re here together, we can take turns andhelp each other…”Liu put his arm around his wife’s shoulders and watched his son fast asleep in front of him. He knewthat this was the life of which he’d dreamed. And it existed, in vivid color, in Yingxiu, the place heloved. Of course, history would not be easily forgotten; it should be remembered, but treated differently.Now that Liu had established a new family, it was important for him to attend to his new family, hisnew life and his new dreams. But his old love and son were always there with him in the corner of hisheart.Finally, feeling at homeAs soon as school resumed after the earthquake, Liu began to devote all his energy to work. At the sametime, he tried hard to hide his pain in front of others. He led a class of 16 children by himself—a classbroken but still hopeful. Though his life was reduced to commuting between classroom and dormitory,he found a full schedule a good way to relieve tension. There was a lot of reception work to do after theearthquake. For each major reception, Liu’s class would be the first to finish decorating their classroomand Principal Dong often brought other teachers to visit and learn from them.In 2009, Liu took up Tan’s offer of being a classroom teacher. The job involved many trivial tasks and Page | 221

tiny details. Every morning, Liu organized the students to do the clean-up, checked the assignments andoversaw the students. Many children would linger outside the classroom and Liu was responsible fortaking them back to class. To start each day, he would lead the student recitals of different texts.During the 20-month transition period in Shuimo, Liu’s class did not lose even one point. But despiteLiu investing so much, the class was small and so was never awarded honorary title of ‘Excellent class’.Liu didn’t care about this: he considered himself a good classroom teacher so long as he managed theclass well and helped the students pursue their once broken dreams.But being classroom teacher was not easy. The children needed guidance and supervision, and thoughLiu was competent in those aspects, friction between students, between teachers, between classes, andbetween classroom teachers required even more careful handling. Of course, there were always thosewho loved to compare. Sometimes, when there were misunderstandings between the children, therewould be conflicts between the teachers. Some of Liu’s colleagues would take it very seriously andaccuse him: “How could your students do this?” To this, Liu would reply: “No problem. If you needme to discipline them, I will.” Over the course of the three years after the earthquake, and whether astudent was in his class or not, if Liu saw them breaking the rules, he would call the child over anddemand apology or correction. That was Liu’s way of being a teacher. And through this sense ofresponsibility, he rediscovered joy and happiness in work.But how did Liu regain happiness in life?Three years passed in the blink of an eye. Liu had moved beyond sadness and, when looking back, hecould face what he had lost with a calm mind. He could talk about what happened and about the peoplewho had left him. The page had been turned and the stories had become history. So now he could startwith a blank piece of paper and draw a more colorful future. Kong Li’s family played a major role inencouraging Liu to move on. Without their silent support and love, recovery would have been muchharder. Kong’s father always told Liu, who often felt guilty, that he did what he could and had donenothing wrong. He encouraged Liu to do whatever he wanted and even tried to become his matchmaker.For some time, Liu had felt that he could not face up to what he had lost because he had failed to savethem. He believed that he had neglected his role as a husband and as a father. But one word of comfortfrom his father-in-law was worth more than 100 words from others. The support of his parents-in-lawmade Liu feel that life could begin again and that pain could be hidden deep in the heart.Before Liu began dating Chai, his father-in-law told him: “You’d better find someone who hasn’t had achild. Or there’ll be more troubles.” They also reminded him: “Don’t consider anyone from the outside.They may be too sophisticated for someone simple like you.” When they discovered Liu had a newgirlfriend, his parents-in-law showed great interest: “How is it going? Are you getting along well? Whenare you bringing her to meet us? We have to give our approval.” After he and Chai were married, shewould go with Liu to visit the old couple, though he never asked her to. Liu felt reassured by herunderstanding and support.For a long time after they got together, Liu was apologetic to Chai about their ‘homelessness’. Heexperienced a particularly low point during the transition in Shuimo. He was living in the prefabricatedhousing in Bayi Primary School. The conditions were poor—messy and cramped, with five teachers to Page | 222

a room, already being used as storage. The teachers’ dorm and the classroom were also far apart and sothe teachers had to commute on long mountain paths day after day. Finally, Liu managed to get a roomfor himself. But within two months, his room had been broken into twice, and even little things likebuckets and an electric fan were stolen. One day after school, Liu arrived at his dorm and, to his surprise,saw a dozen or so people moving things out of his room.“Hey, what’re you all doing? What are you moving? Those are mine!”His personal belongings, his slippers and clothes, had already been removed, and there were people stillrummaging inside the room. Liu yelled at them and scared them away. Looking at the mess they hadleft, Liu was distraught. As soon as he found another dorm on the new campus of Bayi Primary School,he left without delay.Chai was having a tough time too. There were not enough students to reestablish the kindergarten afterthe earthquake, so all the teachers had to travel around looking for students. They were almost liketravelling salespeople. It was not a good feeling. Camping out in other schools made them both feeldependent. At weekends, many teachers and students would go home, while people like Liu and Chai,whose home was further away, were left behind. The two of them stayed in the shabby dorm, feelingdeserted by the whole world.The dorm was so poorly furnished they did not have the means to cook. Newly married, Chai wasalready pregnant and needed more nutrients, but Liu could do very little for her. He had wanted to buya slow cooker and make a stew, but he was worried about overloading the circuit. Helpless, he boughther some milk or formula and, from time to time, a bowl of stewed pig feet from the restaurant. He feltawful during those months, and soon had no choice but to send his wife to his parents-in-law inWenchuan County. At least there she would be taken care of. He could do no more.Even in such miserable conditions, Liu hadn’t felt lonely with Chai there. Now that she had gone toWenchuan, he wanted to cry out loud. He made up his mind that he would buy a new apartment inDujiangyan. With little money, he had to borrow from others. As soon as the sale was completed, Liubegan decorating, with help from his uncle when he was short of money. When the project wascompleted, he brought his wife to Dujiangyan and, finally, cooked something good for her and saw thatshe was rested. Life was finally returning to normality. Finally, there was some sense of a home.When the school moved back from Shuimo to Yingxiu, Liu was as excited as all the other teachers.“Finally I’m back to Yingxiu, to my home. It feels so good to be home. I feel I can succeed at anything.”Now returned to the town, the teachers were determined to make a difference. To them, no matter howgood life was in other places, it couldn’t compare to their home in Yingxiu.Liu often thought that maybe this was how life should be: when everything goes right, a person mightnever grow up; maturing comes with the accumulation of experiences, and setbacks can lead to self-improvement. Having faced adversity, a person may start to reflect on what they did wrong in the pastand gain new insights for their future.In the beginning, working hard was a way for Liu to release tension and escape from his pain. Beingbusy meant he did not have the time to think about other things. But in the process of working hard, he Page | 223

became more engaged and began to experience a new form of joy. He cared less about results andcommendations, and simply enjoyed the process.There were some other interesting episodes in his life. One day, Liu went to visit Kong’s parents alonewhile Chai stayed at home to take care of the child. Shortly after Liu sat down in their house, his father-in-law asked him in anxious tones: “Did we say anything wrong last time? Why isn’t she coming today?”Hearing these words, Liu laughed: “Come on, she can’t come because she’s looking after the little one.”Chai could have been in a tricky position but, with efforts made on all sides, she was soon a part of thewarm family. Because of Liu, his and Chai’s son was treated like their own grandson by Kong’s parents,and Chai seen as their daughter-in-law. The old couple not only missed Liu, but also missed theirgrandson. They always said: “Bring the child to see us. We haven’t seen him for a long time”, no matterhow recently they’d seen him! Liu would comfort them: “I’ll bring him to visit during vacation.” Theold couple would buy them all gifts—things to eat, drink and wear. Touched by their affection, Chaialso treated the old couple like her own parents. Her filial piety and love for the couple dispelled all theworries that her husband had ever had.Of course, once Chai did say with feigned anger: “You’re so partial! Why are you visiting her parentsall the time, and not mine?” Liu knew she was jealous, so he comforted her. “My mother- and father-in law were over 60. They loved their daughter and grandson so much, and now that they are gone, theymust be heartbroken. If I don’t visit them often, they would feel even sadder.” At these words, Chai’sfacial expression softened. Liu did not tell her that his parents-in-law used to live with his son and takecare of his son, afraid that she might feel aggrieved that their son did not receive the same attention. InLiu’s opinion, parents on both sides should be highly regarded to guarantee harmony.Because of his new family, Liu now visited the tomb of his late wife and son much less, mainly onanniversaries, tomb-sweeping day and Chinese New Year. When he wanted to visit the tomb, he wouldask if she would like to come along, and might go or stay as she wanted. Sometimes Chai would evensay: “Let’s go visit them on the hill.” To which Liu would answer: “Sure. Let’s go.” Liu always thoughtthat Chai had dealt very well with the matter related to sacrifice. She respected him, so he developedeven more respect for her.In their daily life, Chai took good care of him too. Though she was also tired when she came home, shewould still wash his clothes and prepare his outfit for the following next day. Sometimes when she sawthe exhausted look on her husband’s face, she would tell him to rest.Of course, Chai faced her own difficulties. Liu had been away for business several times, leaving Chairwith much to do at work and at home. Occasionally she would complain to Liu and he could only saythat he had no choice but to work. She would reply, in the heat of things: “You leave so often and careso little about the family…” But she never neglected her duties. Liu was grateful for the happy life hehad now. He often thought that, if he was with another woman, he might not be as contented.When he was in Shuimo, Chai would go to the prefabricated house to keep him company whenever shehad time and would clean up the room. But now the heavy load of childcare was on her shoulders,leaving her little time and energy for other things. Liu knew that she was tired. He wanted to help butcould barely keep his own head above water. Page | 224

Even under pressure, with such a loving woman understanding, caring for and supporting him, Liu nolonger felt lonely. “She talks to me. She understands me. Why would I linger in the sorrows of the past?”The gift of lossJust like Dong, Liu had also considered the meaning of life—both before and after the earthquake.Dealing with adversity can sharpen a person’s determination, and maturity comes only after setbacks,without which a person can easily become self-absorbed.Before the earthquake, even after he was married and had become a father, Liu only had a vague ideaabout what having and being a family meant. He had never thought clearly about what a husband and afather should do. But now, when it came to talking about the duty of a husband, Liu was much moreeloquent: “In a family, the husband has to be responsible for his wife and child. And this responsibility is revealed, not in isolated behaviors, but is a long-term process consisting of many trivialities— helping his wife with housework, doing laundry, washing dishes, cooking, and doing grocery shopping… There is no rule stipulating that women must do all the housework, and if the husband keeps ignoring his duty, conflicts will emerge between the couple. Even a good-tempered person needs to vent sometimes. It is wrong to think that men should only care about bigger things; a truly responsible man should take good care of both small and big things. It is said that men should be flexible: outside of home, he should act as the protector of the family; in the family, he needs to pay attention to the details to maintain a happy family life. A peaceful family brings prosperity. When there is no peace in the family, there is no possibility of prosperity.”With his first child, Liu had never thought about how to feed his son or what brand of formula wasbetter. But now he was trying hard to become an expert in parenting. He browsed information online,checking for any issues with certain brands of formula in the past few decades. He investigated thebrands one by one, and sometimes even his wife got impatient and asked him to just choose. But Liustuck to his approach: “I have to give him the best and safest. On this, I won’t take a back seat.” Liu’sprimary concern was to give his son the best protection and sustenance he could offer, to make sure hegrew up happy and healthy.Of course, Liu would still consult his wife when making the final decision. He made a list of the majorbrands, suggested several products, and asked: “Which one do you think is the best?” When she pointedto a name, he said, “Great. Let’s go with your choice. Everything will go well if the wife makes thedecision in the family,” Liu joked.But Chai had given much more to their son than Liu. The real reason Liu asked for her opinion was toshow respect. He had had conflicts with her over similar matters before. Once Liu had bought trivialthings, and his wife asked: “Why don’t you ask me first?” Perhaps unintentionally, her words revealedto Liu that she felt disrespected. After all, it was a partnership of two people and both needed to beinvolved in decision-making, big or small. The first thing to remember in a relationship is to be modestand respect each other.Liu still needed his parents-in-law to help with childcare. But, unlike before, he never left his son withthem. He took his son there only during weekends or holidays, so that his parents-in-law could play Page | 225

with him. He also invited his parents to live with them because he needed to see the child every day;after a day’s hard work, the sight of his lovely boy would rid him of his exhaustion.At school, Liu was under great pressure. As a classroom teacher, he needed to ensure not only thehealthy development of the children but also their academic performance. Though he never believedthat exam results showed the whole picture of a child’s performance, a class that lagged behind woulddisgrace the school. He was also Chair of the Union, leader of the education research group and involvedin administrative work. But no matter how busy work was, Liu always prioritized his family. Havingexperienced such loss, this time he would try to be the best husband and father he could be.In the past, his life was easy because of the help from his parents-in-law. But now felt deeply that heshould live with his son, while his parents could come over to help. Was such a difference also due tothe loss caused by the earthquake? He smiles at the question and does not reply. He knows only that hispeace of mind was dependent on seeing his son each day after work. In the past Liu might not have seenhis child for 10 days or more at a time, and when he was busy, he didn’t even make time to call. Theabsence back then never unsettled him.He had learned to cherish because he had lost once.These days, even if he and Chai fought, Liu would never lose control and shout out the word ‘divorce’.He did not want to be irresponsible and couldn’t stand people who ignore their familial duties. A lastingmarriage needs cultivation and care from both parties. Home is a person’s spiritual sustenance. Itprovides the support and nourishment that one needs to move forward. It is a place to rest, to be fixed,to recover. Only after Liu had lost his home did he begin to understand its significance.After starting a new family, he began to attach less importance to many things and focused instead onmoving from sorrow to establishing a new life. With this, his insomnia improved. The only attachmentLiu could not forsake was to his parents-in-law: he always worried about them. Often when they metand chatted, his father-in-law would still shed a few tears: “Alas, my daughter used to be…and mygrandson used to be…” Then he would say to Liu: “The children of the other families…” Each time,his words would tug at Liu’s heartstrings and make him worry. Kong Li’s death was a huge shock toboth her parents, but her mother, by comparison seemed to be dealing with it better. How to consolethem? Liu wanted to divert their attention with his love.The old man once had a daughter and a son. The Chinese characters of ‘daughter’ and ‘son’ togetherform the character ‘good’. Now, only half that ‘good’ was left. Kong’s brother was always busy withwork and had little time to keep his parents company. His brother-in-law’s wife was a teacher in AbaNormal College with no less heavy workload. All that Liu could do was make as much time as possibleto visit them and let them know he was their son forever, would always respect them and treat themwell, and that his love for them was an integral part of him.***Having each got their lives back on track after the earthquake, the ‘four musketeers’ brotherhood hadunavoidably changed. They had gone through so much together, but now they had each formed theirown new families. Of the four men, Tang had lost the least in the earthquake, so his feelings were Page | 226

different. Consequently, Dong, Liu and Su had the closest relationships in the group. Even when theywere buying places to live, Liu and Su had chosen apartments opposite each other. They were a goodteam, both at work and in life. Their duties at school also meant them working closely together.Sometimes, when one man was away on business, another would always say: “I miss them. They havebeen away for so long.”However, there were some misunderstandings about their relationship among the teachers. Still theycared little and continued to work hard for a better tomorrow according to their own beliefs.Their wives seemed to have developed a close friendship too. Whenever they had time, they would gettogether to chat. As Liu understood it, when their wives met, most of the time they were eithercomplaining about or showing off their own husband. It was what women talk about when they weretogether. He understood them and even felt intrigued.Liu believed that their wives had played pivotal roles in their recovery: “Without their support, it would take us much longer. Really. If I didn’t start a new family, perhaps I would have stayed stuck on the same page for a long time, never able to turn to the next. But then here she is, and here they are. This is really a turning point, a new start for all of us.”Case analysis of Liu ZhongnengRAN Maosheng, Associate Professor in the Department of Social work and Social Administration, HongKong UniversityWe have moved further and further in time from the world-shaking Wenchuan earthquake in 2008.Many people have gradually forgotten about the trauma brought by the disaster. With unified efforts,the affected areas have been rebuilt and the lives of earthquake victims—who lost their families, theirhomes and their belongings—have slowly returned to normality. It is important now to focus on how tobegin a new life while remembering the pain of the past.I was in the United States when the earthquake happened. Having worked for more than 20 years inChengdu previously, I was extremely concerned about my friends and relatives. Shortly after theearthquake, I was fortunate enough to participate in the psychological relief work in Mianyang City andother affected areas with psychology experts from both Hong Kong Polytechnic University andmainland China. I visited the affected areas several times and was deeply affected by the ruthless natureof the disaster. I witnessed the tragic losses of those caught up in it, many of whom had lost their familiesand friends, suffered extensive trauma both physically and mentally, and been left destitute.There was an abundance of stories of the catastrophe, and academic research and guidance on post-disaster psychological relief, which together can help us better understand the difficult path towardsrecovery that the affected people have walked and offer us precious lessons about how to rise up fromthe ashes. Liu’s case documents the story of an ‘ordinary’ primary school teacher, who lived throughthe earthquake, recovered from the pain it wrought and began a new life. His story was deeply touchingand highly inspirational. Page | 227

I am glad to have been invited by Dr. Sim to write an analysis of Liu Zhongneng’s experience in theearthquake for, though I did not experience the disaster myself, I feel strongly about the excruciatingpain experienced by those affected by it. In awe of these individuals, I hope my analysis reflects mydepth of feeling towards Liu’s story.***Liu was born in a rural Qiang family. Before the earthquake happened, he was teaching in YingxiuPrimary School and had a happy family. His wife, Kong Li, was also a teacher, and the two had a lovingrelationship. In Liu’s eyes, his wife was a “nice person” and “took thorough care of him”. His six-year-old son, Liu Xusiyu, was a well-behaved boy who was “never mischievous”, “very sensible” and didn’t“waste money”. He and Liu loved to play together, and the love that bonded them is a wonderful thing.The ruthless earthquake caused tremendous loss and pain to all those in its wake, including Liu, whosewife and son perished in the disaster. We can only imagine what a blow this was to Liu. He felt rootlessand helpless, and he mentioned again and again “People can be gone in a second. All gone. Nothingleft. Why is it so unfair? Why must it happen?” Liu felt that he had failed in his duty as a father and asa husband because he was unable to come to his wife and son’s rescue. He felt he owed them a hugedebt and for a long time after the earthquake, still felt that one day they would come back to him.In traditional Chinese culture, the burial of deceased family members is the ultimate consolation for theliving. After the earthquake, there were both missing bodies and unidentified bodies. The living weredistraught, being denied the knowledge of where their departed relatives were buried. After the disaster,Liu stayed in Yingxiu and continued to search for his wife and child’s. When he found them, he buriedthem together and erected a tombstone for them. This act provided profound comfort to Liu and hisfamily—especially his parents-in-law. Though in Liu’s mind he only did what a husband and fathershould do, the burial was critical for the living, who needed to mourn and reminisce. This provides avaluable reminder to relief workers: when burying the bodies of the dead, they should mark the burialplace with the deceased’s name. This not only shows respect to the dead but also provides great comfortto the living.I feel glad from the bottom of my heart to see Liu walking out from under the dark shadows of thedisaster and beginning a new and happy life. How was he able to recover? In his words, self-adjustment,family support and social support have all played major roles. Without external support, the journeytowards recovery would have been much longer and more winding.The primary factor that enabled Liu’s recovery was self-adjustment. He worked hard to keep himselffeeling relaxed and contented—listening to music, watching TV, surfing the internet and exercising. Hedescribes how he would listen to different music according to his mood: when feeling good, he listenedto soothing music, when feeling low he listened to loud electronic music. It is usually believed thatdrinking intensifies feelings of pain, but Liu’s experience was that drinking helped him greatly in theperiod immediately after the earthquake. When he was inebriated, Liu forgot about everything and saidwhatever he wanted, but as soon as he began to recover, he stopped drinking. As I understand it, thenumbing effect of alcohol afforded him more time in which to heal.The strength of family is reveals itself powerfully in the face of adversity, and it played a significant Page | 228

part in Liu’s recovery. After the disaster, relatives from both sides showered him with care and support,consoling him and helping him to heal. Liu’s parents-in-law were impressed that he stayed in Yingxiuto take care of the bodies of his wife and son, and his own family called him often and encouraged himto let go of the past and begin again.Support from friends who had gone through the same experience was also pivotal to Liu overcomingthe trauma of the disaster. After the earthquake, the teachers—who had all experienced the same loss—came together to drink and talk each night. They shared their sadness and joy, and encouraged eachother. They supported each other and emerged from their grief together. Bonds forged in adversity arestrong. The teachers’ friendships are far deeper than they were before the earthquake; now, they aremore like brothers, sharing everything and providing each other with spiritual support.The death of his son, and the deaths and injuries of so many other children, made Liu fear facing hisstudents. The sight of the children at school would remind him of Siyu and it pained him to see the just16 children remain out of a class of 50. I respect Liu for being able to suppress his sadness to betterconsole the deprived students and parents. He did not allow his negative emotions to enter the classroombut, on the contrary, actively interacted with and adjusted to his students. They responded by interactingwith him, matching his enthusiasm. After a while, the barriers that prevented him from communicatingwith the students fell away, and Liu’s hope for life rekindled by the passion and love of his students.Volunteers also made a huge difference to post-disaster rescue and relief. In the most difficult timesafter the disaster, many volunteers came to Yingxiu to help. They were a symbol of humanity, and theirselflessness and self-sacrifice had positive influences on the people around them—Liu included. Thisplayed a big role in his recovery as well.Liu’s experience also shows how ordinary people came to understand and trust social work and socialworkers. Through his own observations, Liu gradually came to learn what social workers do andappreciated the role they played. I believe that many social workers themselves went through a similartransition: from not knowing how to help, to gradually getting to know the needs of clients and offeringsupport accordingly. It is gratifying that Liu sees the help of social workers as pivotal in his recovery.This is thanks to Dr. Sim’s efforts and those of his social work team. I focus particularly on post-disasterpsychological counseling, and hope the strange phenomenon of ‘beware of fire, theft andpsychotherapists’ will never appear again. Liu’s experience demonstrates that social workers shouldrespect individual and cultural differences, and offer tailored psychological help. Liu felt offended bythe group counseling offered after the earthquake, because it “brought up all the torturing memories ofthe disaster”. He also felt forced to talk about things he would rather keep to himself. He rejected purelytheoretical counseling because it was too generalized to be helpful for people who had been affected bya specific disaster.So, what kind of psychological counseling would be acceptable to disaster-affected people? From Liu’sstory, I would suggest an indirect but progressive approach. Theories should be applied to real situations,and the counseling specifically tailored to different people, degrees of loss and stages of recovery. Thisapproach requires service providers to have detailed knowledge of a client’s specific situation. As such,the counselor should begin by getting to know and interacting with the client. They should hold one-to-one discussions, developing friendship and mutual trust. Then, psychological help can be provided, Page | 229

based on the stage of recovery. For example, Liu could not accept the idea of talking about his losseswith those who had just recently been bereaved. To him it was like putting salt on the wound. Counselorsshould group clients who have had similar experiences together, and offer psychological help thatspecifically addresses their needs.Time is the best healer for psychological wounds. In Liu’s story, his psychological state transformedand transcended at different stages. Immediately after the earthquake, he was afraid to see his relativesand did not know what to say to them (his relatives, likewise, did not know what to say back). Liu wasexhausted from rescue but he still could not fall asleep, and was constantly haunted by images of hisdead family, teachers and students. He was particularly depressed around Children’s Day, when he wasreminded of his son everywhere. At first, he could not bring himself to look at his wife and son’s things.But, as time passed, he started to try—initially bursting into tears but, gradually, being able to look atthem calmly. One year later, Liu when Liu saw those same things and talked about his lost familymembers, he would mostly be reminded of the happy time they spent together.Before the earthquake, Liu was a straightforward person who did not think much before he acted. Hecould easily offend people and was often quite isolated. During the first semester after the earthquake,he was depressed, cried often and rejected all social activities. He spent most of his time in his dormroom avoiding most human interactions: preparing lessons, listening to music, watching TV, surfing theinternet and writing about the loss of his wife and son in his blog. In his daily life, Liu was easilyreminded of his grief and lived under its constant shadow. He dreamt often about Kong-Li and Siyu,and felt that one day, they would come back to him. During the next semester, Liu gradually began toadjust and started interacting with his students. He travelled to places like Guangzhou and Shenzhen,where he enjoyed himself and expressed his sad emotions freely. Slowly, Liu came to understand thatwhat had been lost was gone but that the survivors should still face the future and live a good life. Ayear later, his mood was significantly improved, and he became more outgoing. He could now calmlyremember his wife and child with a smile. Two years after that, he had matured even more. He had self-control and could cope with tragedies: “The page has been turned.” The departed will always be in hisheart but his understanding of life will keep evolving.Once he had recovered, Liu prioritized his new family. Having lost his family once, he now knew tocherish and care for those he loved. He stopped arguing with others, both at home and at work, and letwhatever happened, happen. He considered money peripheral, believing that real happiness was foundin a peaceful, healthy and joyful family life. He was doing what he enjoyed, and started to take care ofhis own health. He stopped drinking. Feeling that his survival from the earthquake was “hard”, hebelieved that he should live a good life: “If I don’t strive for a good life, I’m failing those who havedied, and those who have cared about and helped me.”His new family had immeasurable positive influence on Liu’s recovery. They were his spiritual supportfor the life ahead. Liu initially had reservations about re-marrying, but the open-heartedness of hisparents-in-law encouraged him. They were the people Liu worried about the most; they were still livingwith the pain of having lost their dear daughter and grandson.I was deeply inspired and moved by Liu’s understanding of the material and the spiritual: “After thedisaster, the spiritual matters much more than the material. As long as the spirit survives, we can restore Page | 230

the material. But if the spirit has collapsed, the material is meaningless.” This reminds us that, in futuredisaster relief work, we must provide as much psychological support as material assistance to thoseaffected. We must help people to build up courage and to unite to get through difficult times.Even when Liu had opportunities to leave Yingxiu, he declined. His lost family members were alwaysin his heart and they were in Yingxiu. “All that he had” was there; it was “where his dream began again”.I sincerely hope that Liu Zhongneng and all the other disaster-affected people can reconcile with thepast and live a happy life in their beautifully rebuilt homes. Page | 231

Chapter 12. For the childrenThe story of Su Chenggang, three years after the earthquakeRebuild what is collapsedTwo years after the earthquake, Su decided to “abandon” the blog he started in March 2007. In it therewere too many sad memories, including the song ‘Cry if you want’, to which he did cry whenever heheard it. ‘It’s been a long time since you were here with me. We sat together in the dark, away from prying eyes. Just you and me…We sat silently, our hearts bursting with words. Cry if you want, if you’re also lonely…’It is, perhaps, impossible to really know what “heaviness” is without experiencing it. Nor can oneunderstand what “rising from the ashes” means without witnessing it. Reflection on the past providesinsights for the future. Su understood that, on the winding river of life, disasters are like waves thatcome and go. They look so real, but if you try to hold them in your hands, they disappear. In the threeyears after the earthquake, Su and his brothers fought for and won the battle of reconstruction—notonly of the buildings and the school but, more importantly, of the spirit. The moment of rebirth beganeven before the dust from the earthquake had settled. It was then that Su and his brothers’ educationaland cultural consciousness awakened. It was then that their inner characters revealed themselves andspiritual reconstruction began.If ever Su was called ‘hero teacher’, he denied the title: “So many people died so that we could live.The school has lost so many children and teachers for us to survive.” And, as Principal Tan once said:“Each of our teachers has a story.” This teacher, Su, had made three choices after the earthquake. First,he acted on his instinct as a teacher. Second, he gave up searching for his wife trapped in the debris.Third, he organized efforts to rescue the trapped students.Now, three years later, Su could talk to others calmly about the earthquake—no, the “earth roar… thethrilling roar coming from underneath the ground”. In the past, when he had explained “earthshaking”to the children, he would always say it was an exaggeration. But now, both he and the children who hadsurvived the earthquake knew that the ground really could shake. The mountains, the earth, the wholeworld moved like waves, and in a second all had collapsed. Villages and towns were annihilated, liveswere lost.Yingxiu was destroyed in an instant. “Only after I left did I realize that I should not be away fromYingxiu; my school, my students, my colleagues and my lost family are all here.” And, after three yearsof reconstruction, the town was reborn among the green mountains and blue waters, its scars almosthealed. Su moved into a new apartment, worked on the new campus, and had a new family. All of thisexcited him: “The earthquake has been the biggest turning point for me. I was almost destroyed by it,but I also really grew up because of it. I feel fortunate that I have chosen this route rather than the otherafter the disaster.” Now, Su was living a hectic life. Page | 232

Although the grief caused by the disaster ran deep, it dissolved slowly as time passed. Su began tobreathe easily again. “We have formed a new basketball team in the school. And I’m one of the topplayers.” Su, Dong and Liu also bought DSLR cameras: “We want to picture the beautiful scenery ofYingxiu. And more importantly, we want to document the smiles of students and the changes takingplace in the school.” All the hardship, pressure and reflections, and Su’s newly gained courage, mixedtogether and formed a smile on his face. The seeds of hope had been sown. That which has collapsedwill be rebuilt, the spirit included.Su remembers well the 3 June 2008, when he put the surviving children on a plane to Shandong Province.As they flew over Sichuan Province, the children, having just escaped from death, could not stopthemselves from looking down at the landscape, taking turns at the window. Sitting down again, a youngstudent with clear eyes said to Su: “I feel I’m getting closer to happiness.”What is happiness? Happiness is the life that your eyes can see and hands can touch.Things will get better if you hold onSu has recovered from the impact of the earthquake, but his reflections on life continue. The past threeyears have witnessed many changes in Su, who had developed a deeper understanding of parents, familyand the self. And of course, he has maintained his fervor for his job and his school.During his transition in Shuimo, Su started seeing the new psychology teacher, Zhao Lufei. Her loveand caring made Su all the more eager to move back to Yingxiu. This eagerness excited and exhaustedhim. Many teachers new to Yingxiu could not understand it: “So this is Yingxiu? What’s so special orexciting about it?” But Su knew that he would only feel settled once he was back in Yingxiu andaccepted by the town again. It was where his longings could be realized and his dreams achieved.Three years of living in temporary accommodation had pushed Su close to a breakdown. The livingconditions were poor, their daily lives far from respectable or decent, and their rooms often subject toburglary. Su could hardly bear it. The boarding students had kept this lonely teacher company, as hadZhao Lufei. With such love, he persevered.It seemed that Su and Zhao were fated to be together. Su was on duty on her first day. Tan pushed openthe door and entered, followed by a quiet, beautiful woman with glasses and long hair. Tan said to Su:“This is the new teacher, Zhao Lufei. Let’s have a welcome dinner for her.” Even now, so many yearslater, Su’s heart trembles when he recalls this first encounter. It was not “love at first sight”, though.Right? Su searches for evidence that his good first impression of her had not determined their futurerelationship. He was the first male teacher Zhao met when she arrived. And, after living the mundanelife of Shuimo for a while, the two lonely young hearts decided to talk. But, as they stood beneath thesilent night sky, what should they talk about? Just days before, they were complete strangers. Now, herethey were, as though it were destiny.In those days, the distance meant that Zhao Lufei seldom returned to her home in Liaocheng City,Shandong Province. Instead, she often stayed on duty at school. There were several other new teachersbut none of their working hours “overlapped” quite as Su and Zhao’s did. Zhao became the only teacherthat visited the duty office regularly. If Su was browsing online, she would flip through his teachingmaterials, watch old school videos or read reports about the disaster. Page | 233

After a while, they began to chat more. There was no intense passion but, gradually, they developedfeelings for each other. Auntie Yang in the school cafeteria had sensed something was going on almostimmediately. “You should start thinking about your personal issue,” she told Su. “I think Ms Zhao is agood candidate. Do something.” But Su would only offer and embarrassed smile and say: “I’m notthinking about this. It’s a matter of feeling and destiny. Nobody can force it.”Su was shy. His background was totally different from Zhao’s. She was a beautiful girl in her 20s, juststarting out a work. She was pure, passionate and full of hope for the future. Su had lost his family, hismarriage and all he had ever dreamed of. He did not dare hope that this angelic girl would come intohis life and stay with him through thick and thin. But, once the flame of love was lit, all else was ignored.Zhao told herself that she was destined to fall in love with this man. It was not because of his looks orhis wealth (in fact, Su was penniless). But they could watch sunrise and sunset in Yingxiu together; theycould grow together; and watch as the school changed together. They could sing the song: ‘The mostromantic thing I can think of is to slowly grow old with you. Until we’re too old to walk, I’m still theapple of your eyes…’. The desire to be together conquered everything else.Su cherished his relationship with Zhao. No longer aimless, his life had new meaning: to take good careof the woman beside him; to never make her sad, angry or worried; and to give her the best future. HadSu remained single, he would have devoted his life to work. But now, he needed to prioritize hismarriage and family. He did not want to lose what he had once lost before.The day that Yingxiu flooded, Su and Zhao shared the experience of disaster. He was, at that time,organizing the students with the other teachers, and escorting them to the school gates. The students ranhurriedly toward Ertai Hill, but Su could not run. He must wait for his beloved, who would be arrivingon her bicycle soon. He waited anxiously.When she appeared, Su called to her: “Leave the bike there and come with me quickly.” But Zhao wasconfused: “What’s happened?” She had never seen Su so anxious before and was rooted to the spot.Having little time to explain, Su ran towards her and took her arm. The other teachers joined him tohelp until finally, Zhao regained her strength and ran to keep up with the others in the group. If Su hadnot waited and simply evacuated with the students, Su would feel guilt again for leaving his familybehind. This time, though, he knew he would definitely go back to find her. And perhaps Zhao wouldnot blame him; as a teacher herself, she would know that he should protect the students first. Still, Suwanted to be able to do both. He was asking for more since he started his new life, and he did not wantto lose his family and his beloved wife again.When the earthquake happened, things were different: Su barely had time to think. He did not knowwhat had happened to his family but thought, if Cheng was alive, then there was hope for her to berescued. And, if she was not, it would be useless for him to go to the kindergarten. Instead, if he stayedat the primary school, he could save or lose a life in a heartbeat. The disaster was too overwhelming forhim to think clearly about what to do. He just had to believe that Cheng was alive and that he would golooking for her once he had done his job.But three years later, Su had a profoundly different understanding of the importance of family. Hisfamily had become his harbor—the place where his heart belonged. He felt so fortunate to have marriedan affectionate and faithful Shandong woman. Zhao’s emphasis on family had such an influence on Su. Page | 234

Living far away from her hometown, Zhao spoke to her family on the phone and or in text messages.She would tell them about her family, work and colleagues, and ask about her parents’ life. Su wasdeeply touched by the honesty and regularity of their communications and realized that he had seldomvisited his own parents. This was partly due to distance and to post-disaster reconstruction work, buteven when he did visit them, he spoke to them little and did almost nothing for them.Less than two months after the earthquake, Su’s father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The doctorestimated that his father had only three or four more years to live. To help his father’s chances, Su andhis family decided that his father should undergo painful surgery. On the day of the operation, his fatherlay in the hospital bed and chattered incessantly and repetitively, like a really old man. He told Su thathe had grown up and was now too old to give him advice to on anything—including marriage. Su washeartbroken at his father’s words. When he looked at the old man again, he felt differently. He used tofeel that he was still a child, always in need of his father’s care, in life or at work. For all these years,he had admired his father greatly for his meaningful achievements, and had wished he could be just likehim. What he didn’t understand was that his father only wanted the attention of his children. All the oldman hoped for was that his children would take care of him and visit him more often.Even after his father’s illness, Su was not a frequent visitor. During vacations, he would volunteer to beon duty at school. “Dad, although you’re like a towering mountain in my heart, although I know youneed company at the sickbed, I still don’t know how to be with you in the mundanity of everyday life. Idon’t know how to express my emotions to you…” His father was always understanding. He had alwayshoped that Su would become more successful at his job than himself. But still, was work so important?For a dying old man, would he hope more for the success of his son’s career success or for the reunionof the family? And Su was also confused by his father’s understanding. He did not understand why hisfather seemed to care less about him, after all he had suffered in the disaster.After being with Zhao, Su finally understood that he needed to give back—that he must take care of hisaging father. In life and at work, Su was now a real, independent adult. He felt that the work he wasdoing was just as meaningful as that of his father, and although he was not yet doing his best at caringfor the old man, he was trying harder to be open and honest with him about what he was doing, thinking,feeling and concerned about. When there was a flood or an aftershock, the first thing he would do wasto call his family and his father.Before Su and Zhao got together, Su had been in low spirits for quite some time. He often sighed: “Alas,I’ll just live like this for all my life. At least I’m not failing my job and those who care about me. This isthe best I can do.” He was, at least, positive and serious about his work. When he met Zhao, she wouldsay: “You’re the kind of person who’s overly serious about work. You often do things outside your responsibility. You need to know that work is not all there is to life, and you should invest more energy in your personal life, in your family. Don’t use work as a way to escape. That way, your family will worry about you, but still they can’t show their worry in front of you, which makes them even more heartbroken. Do you want your family to be so heartbroken for you? Of course not. So, you have to pull yourself together. You seem like such a sunny person—there must be a sunny life waiting ahead for you.” Page | 235

Su was felt suddenly enlightened by Zhao’s insights. He held her gently in his arms and took her hand:“If I had not known you, this low spirit might stay with me for life.” Zhao responded, tenderly: “It’sgoing to be alright, as long as you keep trying.”Because of Su’s past, Zhao took much more care of him than he did of her. And because of her care,each time Su saw his poorly furnished temporary dorm in Shuimo with tattered bedding and a TV set,he felt eager to move back to the new school, to have his own house, and to walk down the aisle withZhao. Moving into a new home, coming back to Yingxiu, and getting married, these three thingsconstituted Su’s longing for the future.Be with the school, alwaysSu had only returned to the site of the old school once since moving back to Yingxiu. There was stillsomething deep inside him that he did not want to disturb. He would rather look at the wild flowersdotting the hillside. He would rather remember the beautiful spring scene. Only things such as this couldgive people the strength to overcome despair.Of course, there were things Su disliked about the beautiful new-look Yingxiu: “If it wasn’t for theearthquake, Yingxiu wouldn’t have become a tourist destination, like it is today” As he says this, a fewtourists were taking pictures in front of Yingxiu Primary School. The blue school gate and red letteringwere clearly visible, even from a distance.At times, over the past three years, Su had found it hard to express his emotions. But now he feltdifferent. He had started a new life, and his three good friends had had new families too. Nowadays,when he watched sad movies or listened to sad stories, he often could not hold back his tears. Sometimes,when Su reminisced, he would feel sad. But though memories persisted, he could experience themcalmly. Words such as “calm” and “emotional” began to appear in Su’s dictionary more and more. Hewas moved by many more things in life these days, and often asked his wife: “Am I becoming moreemotional?” In the past, Su would repress his emotions. But now, he was willing to let them out. Hesometimes worried that he would become indecisive by allowing his emotions to flow freely, butultimately let it happen naturally.The work that occupied most of Su’s time had been an important part of his new life. Still, this humbleman would always say: “I don’t know what I’m busy with on earth. I feel funny that, when a semester’sover, I don’t even know what I have done.” The teachers often complained to him: “What do we dowith classes of this semester? We haven’t even finished teaching the lessons, and now new tasks arecoming again. What can we do?” As the director of teaching management, Su needed to organizeeverything related to teaching. When a teacher asked for leave, he had to rearrange the classes. He didnot know what he had been busy with; he just kept organizing and reorganizing all the time, followinghis routine.In reestablishing routine, Yingxiu Primary School was truly reborn. After the earthquake, the town hadbeen troubled by constant secondary hazards, such as landslides, debris flows and floods. The nightbefore Yingxiu flooded, the incessant rain kept Su awake with worry. When, the next morning, thealarm sounded, feelings of the earthquake resurfaced and Su’s heart tightened. Yet, despite the anxiety,the principal and the teachers counted the students and organized the evacuation in an orderly manner. Page | 236

The children, though scared, had experienced disaster before and so knew what to do. Once they hadall reached the evacuation site on Ertai Hill and had rested, the teachers offered consolation to thestudents.Some scared students were crying, and some parents hurried to pick their children up. Seeing this, Sutore some pieces of paper from his notebook and asked the class teachers to do a headcount. Standingin front of more than 100 students, Su said loudly: “Don’t worry. Don’t panic. It’s only a warning, andwe’ve evacuated for our own safety. The alarm was to protect us but it doesn’t mean the disaster hashappened. It only serves to remind us what to do. Now that we’re here on Ertai Hill, we’ll be safe…”Hearing Su’s words, the children understood what was happening and stopped crying. The parents alsofelt more relaxed, knowing that the school teachers were with the children all the time.After the incident, Su commented during a work meeting: “The earthquake has taught us how to dealwith disasters. But we’d rather not have such knowledge.” The efficient handling of the flood made Susee just how much the teachers and the students had changed. They now had the capacity and willpowerto stand up again on their own.Su once wrote a report titled A long way to go towards post-disaster psychological intervention:experiences of psychological reconstruction of Yingxiu Primary School. In the opening paragraphs, hewrote: ‘What is the mental status of children who came back to Yingxiu after the earthquake? What arethey thinking? What do they need? How will they reveal their psychological trauma externally? Whatshould we do? How should we teachers face the children, now that we’re homeless ourselves...’From systematic training of psychological counseling to a deepened understanding of psychologicalcounseling, Su had seen great improvement in himself. Now, the teachers could communicate their ownfeelings and opinions more easily, and more readily accept the feelings and opinions of others. It wasthe same with Su’s teaching. He was communicating better with students and helping them to deal withthings.During one semester when Su did not have any teaching to do, he decided to conduct an experiment.The class he chose was one in the fourth grade that, according to the other teachers, was particularlydifficult and in which there were many naughty students that interfered with the teaching. Su split the40 or so students into two groups: one group followed the psychology teacher, Zhao Lufei, to play inthe sandbox, while the other group stayed in the classroom with Su. When the time was up, the twogroups would switch places.Su brought to class more than 20 books—mostly about psychological growth and similar stories. Hetold the children remaining with him: “We’ll read these books in this class.” Usually the students foundreading boring. But Su spoke again: “Let’s read like this today. I’ll give you 8 minutes, and only after 8minutes of reading the story yourself, you can exchange books with your classmates. But before theexchange, you need to recount the story to me without looking at the book. Then tell me what you havelearned or what you want to say having read it.”After an initial chatter among the students, they all fell quiet and began to read. Soon, a student raisedtheir hand: “Mr. Su, I’m finished with it and I want another book.” Page | 237

“You will have another after you accomplish my task.”At this, the student walked to the front of the classroom and retold the ideas from the book, and sharedwhat he had learnt from the story. Su’s was full of praise. Seeing this, the other students raised theirhands and stood up to tell their stories.Su concluded: “Try different approaches. Find the most suitable one. Give them space to believe thatthey can finish the task and will be rewarded for it. Only by doing so can we really encourage them tolearn actively.” He had always wanted to do psychological education because of his deep emotionalinvestment in the students. To him, this was what the students needed most. In terms of careerdevelopment in this field, Su might have had better prospects if he had left Yingxiu for a bigger city.But he told himself: “This is meaningful only if I stay, because the children need it. I’ll do better forthem.”Su admitted that, perhaps after some years, the lingering feelings from the disaster would graduallyfade. Family would always be important to Su, but perhaps he would invest more in his work to stophim from worrying constantly about potential disasters—especially during the summer vacation whenfloods and debris flows threatened. It was a normal psychological process: because of the disaster andthe loss caused by it, family would be the priority. But, years later, as life returned to normal, theimportance attached to family would be internalized, rather than externalized.Someone had asked him a hypothetical question: “If this place would be dangerous all the time fromnow on due to landslides, debris flows, etc., would you leave? Would you leave this place for the safetyof your family?” Su’s response was: “Maybe… but until now, I hadn’t thought about it at all. I don’tknow why I hadn’t. If necessary, I will let my family leave, but not me. No matter how big the disasteris, I’m not leaving, though I would probably send my family away. I’ve never thought about leaving.”Like Dong and Liu, Su was once offered the opportunity to leave soon after the earthquake. And justlike them, Su declined. “I’ve lived here all the time, and I don’t want to leave.” He kept telling himself:“The biggest disaster has passed. It’s impossible for an even bigger one to come.” The disaster had alsomade Su aware of his attachment to Yingxiu Primary School. He felt part of the school: if it moved, hewould move too. If the school stayed in Yingxiu, so would he.The young man, reborn after the earthquake, was ready to embrace a even more amazing and joyful life.His heart, once crumpled by the earthquake, was now like a budding flower waiting for the comingspring.“We’re like the flowers that blossom in the spring. The flowers love raindrops, and we love ourteachers…” The singing voice hovered above Yingxiu Primary School, lingered on in the lives ofpeople like Su Chenggang.Case analysis of Su ChenggangLIANG Zubin, Professor, Department of Social Work and Social Administration, Hong Kong UniversityBefore we realized, seven years had passed since the Wenchuan earthquake. The disaster that once held Page | 238

the attention of the whole world has been gradually forgotten. Time is the best healer. I believe mostpeople affected by the earthquake have recovered and started to live a normal life, despite their deepemotional wounds.Recently, many people have written stories about the impact of earthquake and post-quakereconstruction. Many academics, especially those in social work, studied this earthquake as a case forpost-disaster reconstruction. This research will serve as a helpful guide for China to cope with disaster,implement post-disaster reconstruction and offer psychological assistance to affected people.This book documents the struggles of three teachers after the earthquake, records different people’sexperiences of ‘bouncing back’, and offers us a window into the impact of the earthquake and theprocess of recovery. Su Chenggang is not a famous man or a hero; he is an ‘ordinary’ person, a villageteacher. Though, of course, individual life experience is always unique.To write an article about the feelings of disaster victims and the process of their recovery is a hugechallenge. My expertise is in macroscopic analysis of social policies and administration, andpsychological counseling is not my area. But when Dr. Sim invited me to write this article, I knew thathe was not asking me to comment on Su’s experience from an objective and academic perspective.Just as Su lost his wife, I too lost mine recently. The difference is that Su’s wife left suddenly in theearthquake, while my wife had fought cancer for five years. During that time, we had perhaps some ofthe most precious moments in our relationship since getting married, and we could both feel the careand love from the other. Before her diagnosis, we had both paid more attention to developing our careersthan to family.Unlike Su, the departure of my wife was a relief to both me and her, and we had ample time to preparefor our final goodbye. Sometimes I blame myself for not taking enough care of her when she was ill, ornot understanding her well enough. For Su, the departure of his wife was so sudden, that he was deniedthe chance to even say goodbye. When he learned of her death, it must have been a terrible blow.I still remember, on the day of the earthquake, my wife and I were desperately searching for alternativecancer therapies in Kunming City. When it took place, she and I were holding hands and strolling alongthe bank of Dianchi Lake. We had felt something, but only later did we know that it was an earthquakein Sichuan. Afterwards, we were faced with life-and-death struggles as well as the widespread impactof the earthquake. So, to me, the earthquake reminded me of my wife and the time we spent together inKunming.Su was born into a big family of ethnic minority in a remote mountain village in 1977. Growing up inthe mountains was hard, but Su was simple and easily pleased. The most painful memory for Su wasthe death of his younger brother. This was the first time he had experienced the pain of losing a familymember.Su’s wife, Cheng Xiaoqing, was a kindergarten teacher from a well-off family. Their family could besaid to be an intellectual family since they were both teachers. From the start of Su and Cheng’srelationship, things progressed smoothly for the couple. Their only difficulty was being separated bywork soon after graduating. They married in 2000 and lived a regular, peaceful and simple life— Page | 239

cooking, watching TV, doing housework, chatting, listening to music and so on. Cheng was competentand diligent; she took good care of her husband, cooking for him, buying clothes for him and cleaningtheir home. Memories of such happiness become the source of pain after tragedy.Though words can hardly convey the catastrophe wrought by the earthquake, we still feel it’sapocalyptic effects. In the very first moment, the natural reaction was to panic, scream, wail and losedirection. I believe people who have experienced the earthquake will never forget such reactions. Yearslater, Su still clearly and accurately describes what happened—how he reacted, rescued people andsearched for his wife. Readers may empathize with his feelings of shock, despair, helplessness andnumbness when he described how he found his wife’s body among the debris. On the one hand, Su hadto help save people; on the other, he had to dig his wife’s body from the ruins. In the process of rescueand self-rescue, the spirit of mutual assistance during emergency was manifest. People discussedstrategies, made use of available materials and tools, and cooperated to save and maintain life.Once rescue workers had excavated Cheng’s body, Su wrapped her up with bedsheets and plastic cloth,broken-heartedly. I believe he was too deep in grief to cry then. He had no time to call his family to askif they were safe. Later, when I read about how they evacuated, I as though I were reading a about thescenes of war. The focus of the narrative was on what Su had experienced during the few days after theearthquake, including whom he had met, what he had done, what he had eaten and where he had been.There was little about his thoughts, plans or emotional responses. I felt that Su had stayed incrediblyrational in face of disaster. He seems to have remained calm and stable, managing everything sensibly.During the reconstruction of Yingxiu, Su was assigned relatively good accommodation and jobprovision. Su was also responsible for receiving donations and preparing for the resumption of school.In the post-disaster mess, he did his best to look for students, settle orphans and engage in reconstructionprojects. His busy work schedule took him away from his father, straight after his surgery. And Su alsoshouldered the heavy task of consolation work—finding the parents of deceased students, comfortingthem and offering condolence payments. He was almost like a social worker, despite that fact that hetoo was a disaster victim. I do not know whether he thought of his own loss as he tried to comfortparents who had lost their own children. If he didn’t control his own emotions, he faced not only failingthe affected people he tried to help, but also his own mental breakdown.Men often tend to internalize emotions. Su did not go to his friends for comfort over his wife’s death.Instead, he diverted his attention and eased his pain by drinking, smoking and working hard. His heavyworkload at the school meant he had to set his pain aside. With difficult students, he tried variousteaching methods, including painting, chatting, playing games, making videos, holding competitionsand telling inspiring stories, to encourage the students’ self-confidence and hope. He also played therole of social worker, particularly when helping students who were mentally or physically wounded.His care and attention were pivotal in these children’s recovery. But of course all the while, he wasdealing with his own feelings of unease: “I was acting two roles. Really. When I was facing the media, I had to consider my students and send positive messages. But in fact, I was still hurting inside. So, in front of the students, I tend to appear strong and upbeat, to be a role model for them. But that’s not the real me. I’m still in pain and heartbroken. When I feel overwhelmed by pain, I’ll go up the hill, where I buried Xiaoqing, to Page | 240

sit for a while and calm myself down.”Su was transformed by the shock of the earthquake and challenges that followed. He was more outgoingand accepting of others than before. He learned to regulate his emotions and communicate and sharewith others. Motivated by challenges, he was eager to learn through reading and training. Moreimportantly, he could now face the disaster and say: “This disaster has become the biggest treasure forme in life.” He healed himself and grew from loss, pain and resignation. He learned self-control.Through his investment in post-disaster reconstruction, he has turned himself into an outstandingteacher, social worker, psychological counselor and administrative leader. Su adapted quickly andturned his losses into incentives to contribute to the students’ recovery and to rebuild his own career.Three years on, Su worked in a new school building and lived in a new apartment. Though he wouldstill reminisce from time to time, he felt much calmer. In his new work environment, Su met a womanand fell in love with her immediately. For a man in his 30s who has lost his wife, it was natural for himto remarry. But Su did not talk about his inner struggles about remarrying. He now attaches much moreimportance to his relationships and family, and he cares greatly about his ill father. Soon, he became afather himself, and developed an even deeper understanding of family responsibility.From Su’s family background and experiences growing up, going to school, working and gettingmarried, we get to see the different aspects that make up a happy family. The earthquake has demolishedbuildings, roads, lives, and families, but it has not destroyed people’s will power. Su has successfullyovercome pain, made important contributions to post-disaster reconstruction and matured in the process.Recently, another earthquake occurred in Lushan County, Ya’an City of Sichuan Province. After whathad happened in Wenchuan, relief workers were able to respond quicker and more systematically, andthe needs of those affected were swiftly met. Past experiences are valuable lessons for future work. Andmost importantly, those who experienced disaster have acquired resilience and psychological maturity,just like Su Chenggang, and can recover even more quickly and start anew again. Page | 241