Relationship Development Negotiation and Deal Closing

What kind of listening is called for in these situations ? Recalling Understand the Empathizing Attending Evaluating the big picture with the speaker subtle cues content details Conversation with your boss Attending training Conversation with your wife Talking with a complaining customer Conversation with upset close friend Listening to your GM CEO talk about the compnay future

Mental filters Multitasking Paying attention to delivery Overwhelming yourself with info Responding inappropriately

Challenges to listening What does a filter do ?

When you are here in the training room, your brain knows to filter out car sounds from outside or people talking in the hallway These filters develop over time, as we gain certain educational and professional expertise. We sometimes start to look at all the world through the lenses of our own experiences. If my filter isn't clean, I start to experience some problems. when listening, we tend to hear what we expect to hear, whether or not that's what the speaker had to say.

Take a quick look at the triangles below and read the middle one aloud !

Challenges to listening Multitasking / Switchtasking

Challenges to listening Delivery distraction

• Are you distracted with the speaker’s style or delivery method ? • Do you shift focus from the main idea and instead focus on a word or that spinach in their teeth ? • Do you know someone who speaks with a very low voice and you pretend to understand to be polite ? What do you do in these situations ?

Challenges to listening Overwhelming yourself with info

The solution is to take effective notes ! Use the 5 focus areas To avoid missing some information, You have to be very selective about WHAT you write in your notes ! The notes you take depend on HOW you will be using the information you are hearing If you are in learning mode then you listen to the big picture … you want general principals rather than specific facts! If you are to ACT on the information such as taking instructions from your boss, then you need to listen to recall details

Challenges to listening Responding inappropriately

•How you immediately respond when the other person stops talking tells that person a great deal about you as a listener. • Like : Making it about yourself • Like : Criticizing • Like: giving advice when not asked to • Like: focusing on the facts not the emotion Use EMPATHY & paraphrasing (Summarizing) !

Clarifying Steps to become your role an amazing listener ! Using attentive non-verbals Honoring silence Summarizing Mirroring non-verbals

Clarifying your role • Does the speaker want advice ? • Do they only want to vent ? • Do they want your help to analyze something ? • You need to clarify your role early on ! • Answering these questions will tell you exactly what your role is, and you can act on it

Using attentive non-verbals • 93% of what is being communicated is the EMOTIONAL MEANING of a message • Your tone is more important than actual words • Use facial expressions ! • Use eye contact ! • Be aware of personal space !

Honoring silence • The quieter you become the more you can hear ! • Two types of silence : • Physical – No fidgeting, shifting positions or looking around • Vocal silence – maintain strong eye contact – nod avoiding to say anything • Silence is golden ! It shows respect

Summarizing • Tells your speaker you are listening attentively • Allows you to check for understanding of the message • It sounds like this : • So you’re saying that …. • You’re upset because ….. • Let me take a minute to tell you what I’ve heard so far ….

Mirroring non- verbals • Slight mirroring of the speaker’s posture, volume , tone , word choice ! • It shows the speaker that you are 100% attentive !

Interrupting What do you do if the speaker is taking too longgggggg ??? - Interrupt to Summarize - Come back with a deadline for you to provide something

Thank you !