["\u201cYou\u2019ve\tbeen\treading\tmy\tdiary.\u201d\tHe\tlooks\tfaintly\tdisturbed. I\t press\t my\t face\t into\t his\t shoulder.\t \u201cI\t was\t guessing\t she\u2019s\t my\t polar\t opposite too.\u201d \u201cShe\twas\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tHe\tlets\tout\ta\twistful\tsigh\tand\tmy\theart\ttwists.\tThe\tterritorial little\tcavewoman\tinside\tme\tappears\tat\tthe\tentrance\tto\ther\tcave\tand\tscowls. \u201cShe\twas\tjust\tso\tnice.\u201d \u201cUgh,\tnice.\tGross.\u201d \u201cAnd\ther\teyes\twere\tbrown.\u201d\tHe\twatches\tme\tmull\tthis\tover. \u201cSounds\t like\t a\t legit\t reason\t to\t break\t it\t off.\t You\t know\t what?\t Your\t eyes\t are too\t blue.\t This\t just\t isn\u2019t\t going\t to\t work.\u201d\t I\t was\t hoping\t for\t a\t clever\t retort,\t but instead,\this\ttone\tis\twithering. \u201cYou\u2019ve\tactually\tthought\tthat\tthis\twould\twork?\u201d Now\tit\u2019s\tmy\tturn\tto\tsay\tum.\tI\u2019m\thalfway\trecoiled\tinto\tmy\town\tshell\twhen\the blows\tout\ta\tbreath. \u201cSorry.\tIt\tcame\tout\twrong.\tI\tcan\u2019t\thelp\tbeing\tsuch\ta\tcynical\tasshole.\u201d \u201cThis\tis\tnot\tnews\tto\tme.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\twhy\tI\tdon\u2019t\thave\ta\tgirlfriend.\tThey\tall\ttrade\tme\tin\tfor\tnice\tguys.\u201d He\t looks\t at\t the\t ceiling\t with\t such\t deep\t regret\t in\t his\t eyes\t I\t have\t an\t awful thought.\tHe\u2019s\tpining\tfor\tsomeone.\tTall\tBlondie\tbroke\this\theart\twhen\tshe\tmoved on\tto\tsomeone\tless\tcomplicated.\tIt\twould\tcertainly\texplain\this\tbias\tagainst\tnice guys.\tI\ttry\tto\tthink\tof\thow\tto\task\thim,\tbut\the\tlooks\tat\tthe\tclock. \u201cWe\u2019d\tbetter\thurry.\u201d","Chapter\t22 Please\t give\t me\t a\t crash\t course\t on\t the\t key\t players\t in\t your\t family.\t Any\t taboo topics\t of\t conversation?\t I\t don\u2019t\t want\t to\t be\t asking\t your\t uncle\t where\t his\t wife\t is, only\tto\tfind\tout\tshe\twas\tmurdered.\u201d\tI\trummage\taround\tin\tmy\tbag. \u201cWell,\t before\t last\t night\t when\t I\t carried\t forty-five\t individual\t flower\t displays into\t the\t hotel\t because\t they\t couldn\u2019t\t find\t her\t a\t fucking\t cart,\t I\t hadn\u2019t\t seen\t my mom\tin\ta\tfew\tmonths.\tShe\tcalls\tme\tmost\tSundays\tto\tkeep\tme\tup\tto\tdate\twith\tthe news\t of\t neighbors\t and\t friends\t I\t never\t cared\t about.\t She\t was\t a\t surgeon,\t mainly hearts\t and\t transplants.\t Little\t kids\t and\t saintly\t types.\t She\u2019s\t going\t to\t love\t you. Absolutely\tlove\tyou.\u201d I\t realize\t I\u2019m\t pressing\t my\t hands\t over\t my\t own\t heart.\t I\t want\t her\t to\t love\t me. Oh,\tjeepers. \u201cShe\u2019ll\tsay\tshe\twants\tto\tkeep\tyou\tforever.\tAnyway.\tMy\tdad\tis\ta\tcutter.\u201d I\tflinch. \u201cIt\u2019s\t the\t nickname\t for\t surgeons.\t When\t you\t meet\t my\t dad,\t you\u2019ll\t understand why.\tHe\twas\tmainly\ton\tcall\tfor\temergency\troom\tsurgeries.\tI\u2019d\thear\tall\tsorts\tof things\tover\tbreakfast.\tSome\tidiot\tgot\ta\tpool\tcue\tthrough\tthe\tthroat.\tCar\tcrashes, fights,\t murders\t gone\t wrong.\t He\t was\t forever\t dealing\t with\t drunks\t with\t gravel rash,\twomen\twith\tblack\teyes\tand\tbroken\tribs.\tWhatever\tit\twas,\the\tfixed\tit.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\ta\thard\tjob.\u201d \u201cMom\t was\t a\t surgeon\t too,\t but\t she\t was\t never\t a\t cutter.\t She\t cared\t about\t the person\ton\ther\ttable.\tMy\tdad\t.\t.\t.\tdealt\twith\tthe\tmeat.\u201d Josh\t sits\t on\t the\t sill\t lost\t in\t thought\t for\t a\t minute\t and\t I\t search\t in\t my\t bag\t for clothes,\tgiving\thim\tsome\tprivacy.\tI\tstart\tswiping\ton\tmakeup\tin\tthe\tbathroom. After\ta\tfew\tminutes,\tI\tpeep\tthrough\tthe\tgap\tin\tthe\tdoor.\tIn\tthe\treflection\tof the\t dresser\t he\u2019s\t shirtless,\t gloriously\t so,\t and\t he\u2019s\t unzipped\t my\t garment\t bag.\t He holds\tthe\tdress\tbetween\ttwo\tfingers\twith\this\thead\ttilted\tin\trecognition.\tThen\the rubs\this\thand\tover\this\tface. I\tthink\tI\u2019ve\tmade\ta\tmistake\twith\tmy\tblue\tdress. My\t Thursday\t lunchtime\t dash\t to\t the\t tiny\t boutique\t near\t work\t seemed\t like\t a","good\t idea\t at\t the\t time,\t but\t I\t should\t have\t worn\t something\t I\t already\t had.\t But\t it\u2019s too\tlate\tnow.\tHe\tunfolds\tan\tironing\tboard\tand\tflaps\this\tshirt\tover\tit. I\tslide\tthe\tdoor\topen\twith\tmy\tfoot.\t\u201cYowza.\tWhich\tgym\tdo\tyou\tgo\tto?\tAll\tof them?\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\tthe\tone\tin\tthe\tbottom\tof\tthe\tMcBride\tbuilding,\ta\thalf\tblock\taway\tfrom work. I\thave\tto\tswallow\ta\tmouthful\tof\tdrool.\t\u201cAre\tyou\tsure\twe\thave\tto\tgo\tto\tyour brother\u2019s\twedding?\u201d I\thave\tnever\tseen\tso\tmuch\tof\this\tskin,\tand\tit\tglows\twith\thealth;\thoney\tgold, flawless.\tThe\tdeep\tlines\tof\this\tcollarbones\tand\thips\tare\tan\timpressive\tframe.\tIn between\tare\ta\tseries\tof\tindividual\tmuscles,\teach\trepresenting\ta\tgoal\tset\tand\tbox ticked.\tFlat,\tsquare\tpectorals\twith\trounded\tedges.\tThe\tskin\tof\this\tstomach\tpulls tight\t across\t the\t kind\t of\t muscles\t I\t usually\t stare\t at\t during\t Olympic\t swimming finals. He\t irons\t his\t shirt\t and\t all\t the\t muscles\t move.\t His\t biceps\t and\t lower\t abdomen are\t ridged\t with\t those\t blatantly\t masculine\t veins.\t Those\t veins\t ride\t over\t muscle and\ttell\tyou,\t I\u2019ve\tearned\t this.\t His\t hips\t have\tridges\t that\t point\t down\ttoward\t his groin,\tobscured\tin\tsuit\tpants. The\t amount\t of\t sacrifice\t and\t determination\t to\t simply\t maintain\t this\t is\t mind- boggling.\tIt\u2019s\tso\tJosh. \u201cWhy\tdo\tyou\tlook\tlike\tthis?\u201d\tI\tsound\tlike\tI\u2019m\tabout\tto\tgo\tinto\tcardiac\tarrest. \u201cBoredom.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tnot\tbored.\tCan\u2019t\twe\tstay\there,\tand\tI\u2019ll\tfind\tsomething\tin\tthe\tminibar\tto smear\tall\tover\tyou?\u201d \u201cWhoo,\t are\t those\t some\t horny\t eyes\t or\t what.\u201d\t He\t waggles\t the\t iron\t at\t me. \u201cGet\tfinished\tin\tthere.\u201d \u201cFor\ta\tguy\twho\tlooks\tlike\tyou,\tyou\u2019re\tawfully\tbashful.\u201d He\tdoesn\u2019t\tsay\tanything\tfor\ta\tbit,\tstroking\tthe\tiron\tover\tthe\tcollar.\tI\tcan\tsee how\tmuch\teffort\tit\tis\ttaking\thim\tto\tstand\tshirtless\tin\tfront\tof\tme. \u201cWhy\tare\tyou\tself-conscious?\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve\tdated\tsome\tgirls\tin\tthe\tpast\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tHe\ttrails\toff. My\tarms\tare\tcrossed.\tMy\tears\tare\tabout\tto\tstart\twhistling\twith\tsteam.\t\u201cWhat sort\tof\tgirls?\u201d \u201cThey\u2019ve\tall\t.\t.\t.\tat\tsome\tpoint\tmade\tit\tpretty\tclear\tmy\tpersonality\tis\tnot\t.\t.\t.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\tnot\twhat?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tjust\tnot\tgreat\tto\tbe\taround.\u201d Even\t the\t iron\t is\t steaming\t in\t indignation.\t \u201cSomeone\t wanted\t you\t only\t for","your\tbody?\tAnd\tthey\ttold\tyou\tthat?\u201d \u201cYeah.\u201d\tHe\tredoes\tone\tcuff.\t\u201cIt\tshould\tfeel\tflattering,\tright?\tAt\tfirst\tI\tguess it\t did,\t but\t then\t it\t kept\t happening.\t It\t really\t doesn\u2019t\t feel\t good\t to\t keep\t being\t told that\t I\u2019m\t not\t relationship\t material.\u201d\t He\t bends\t over\t his\t shirt\t and\t analyzes\t it\t for creases. I\tfinally\tunderstand\tthe\tMatchbox\tcar\tcode.\tPlease\tsee\tme.\tThe\treal\tme. \u201cYou\t know\t what\t I\t honestly\t think?\t You\u2019d\t still\t be\t amazing,\t even\t if\t you looked\tlike\tMr.\tBexley.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve\tbeen\tdrinking\tthe\tKool-Aid,\tShortcake.\u201d He\u2019s\tsmiling\ta\tlittle\tas\the\tkeeps\tironing.\tI\u2019m\talmost\tshaking\twith\tthe\tneed\tto make\t him\t understand\t something\t that\t I\t don\u2019t\t fully\t know\t myself\t yet.\t All\t I\t know is,\tit\thurts\tme\tto\tthink\the\tfeels\tbad\tabout\tsuch\ta\tfundamental\taspect\tof\thimself.\tI resolve\t to\t objectify\t him\t less,\t and\t turn\t away\t until\t he\t puts\t on\t his\t shirt.\t It\u2019s robin\u2019s-egg\tblue. \u201cI\tlove\tthat\tcolor\tshirt.\tIt\tmatches\twhat\tI\u2019m\tgoing\tto\twear,\tum,\tobviously.\u201d\tI cringe\tat\tmy\tdress\tagain.\tI\tgo\tto\tmy\thandbag\tand\tdig\tin\tit,\tfinding\tmy\tlipstick. \u201cCan\t I\t see\t something?\u201d\t He\u2019s\t got\t his\t tie\t flapping\t loose\t as\t he\t takes\t the\t tube from\tme\tand\treads\tthe\tbottom. \u201cFlamethrower.\tHow\tappropriate.\u201d \u201cDo\tyou\twant\tme\tto\ttone\tit\tdown?\u201d\tI\trattle\tmy\thandbag,\tsearching. \u201cI\t fucking\t love\t your\t red.\u201d\t He\t kisses\t my\t mouth\t before\t I\t start\t to\t apply.\t He watches\tme\tapplying\tthe\tlipstick,\tblotting,\treapplying,\tand\tby\tthe\ttime\tI\u2019m\tdone he\tlooks\tlike\the\u2019s\tendured\tsomething. \u201cI\tcan\tbarely\ttake\tit\twhen\tyou\tdo\tthat,\u201d\the\tmanages\tto\tsay. \u201cHair\tup\tor\tdown?\u201d He\tlooks\tpained.\tHe\tgathers\tit\tup,\tand\tsays\t\u201cUp.\u201d He\tlets\tit\tfall\tand\tscoops\tit\tin\this\thands\tlike\tsnow.\t\u201cDown.\u201d \u201cHalf\t up,\t half\t down\t it\t is.\t Quit\t fidgeting,\t you\u2019re\t making\t me\t nervous.\t Why don\u2019t\tyou\tgo\tand\thave\ta\tdrink\tat\tthe\tbar\tdownstairs?\tLiquid\tcourage.\tI\tcan\tdrive us\tto\tthe\tchurch.\u201d \u201cBe\tdown\tin,\tlike,\tfifteen\tminutes\tokay?\u201d Once\the\u2019s\tgone\tand\tthe\tsilence\tfills\tthe\thotel\troom\tlike\ta\tswelling\tballoon\tI sit\ton\tthe\tend\tof\tthe\tbed\tand\tlook\tat\tmyself.\tMy\thair\tfalls\taround\tmy\tshoulders, and\tmy\tmouth\tis\ta\tlittle\tred\theart.\tI\tlook\tlike\tI\u2019m\tlosing\tmy\tmind.\tI\tstrip\tdown, put\t on\t my\t support\t underwear\t to\t smooth\t out\t any\t lumps,\t hook\t my\t stockings\t up and\tlook\tat\tmy\tdress. I\t was\t going\t to\t buy\t something\t in\t a\t muted\t navy,\t something\t I\t could\t wear","again,\t but\t when\t I\t saw\t the\t robin\u2019s-egg-blue\t dress\t I\t knew\t I\t had\t to\t have\t it.\t I couldn\u2019t\thave\tcolor\tmatched\tit\tbetter\tto\this\tbedroom\twalls\tif\tI\ttried. The\t sales\t assistant\t had\t assured\t me\t it\t suited\t me\t perfectly,\t but\t the\t way\t Josh rubbed\t his\t hand\t over\t his\t face\t was\t like\t he\u2019d\t realized\t he\u2019s\t dealing\t with\t a\t total psycho.\t It\u2019s\t undeniably\t true.\t I\u2019m\t practically\t painting\t myself\t in\t his\t bedroom blue.\tI\tmanage\tto\tzip\tmyself\tup\twith\tsome\tcontortionist\tmovements. I\t decide\t to\t take\t the\t huge\t sweeping\t spiral\t staircase\t down\t instead\t of\t the elevator.\t How\t many\t opportunities\t will\t I\t ever\t have?\t Life\t has\t started\t to\t feel\t like one\t big\t chance\t to\t make\t each\t new\t little\t memory.\t I\t walk\t in\t downward\t circles toward\tthe\tgorgeous\tman\tin\tthe\tsuit\tand\tpale\tblue\tshirt\tat\tthe\tbar. He\traises\this\teyes,\tand\tthe\tlook\tin\this\teyes\tmakes\tme\tso\tshy\tI\tcan\tbarely\tput one\t foot\t in\t front\t of\t the\t other.\t Psycho,\t psycho,\t I\t whisper\t to\t myself\t as\t I\t plant myself\tin\tfront\tof\thim\tand\trest\tmy\telbow\ton\tthe\tbar. \u201cHow\tYou\tDoing?\u201d\tI\tmanage,\tbut\the\tonly\tstares\tat\tme. \u201cI\tknow,\twhat\ta\tpsycho,\tdressed\tin\tthe\tsame\tcolor\tas\tyour\tbedroom\twalls.\u201d\tI self-consciously\t smooth\t down\t the\t dress.\t It\u2019s\t a\t retro\t prom-dress\t style,\t the neckline\tdipping\tand\tthe\twaist\tpulled\ttight.\tI\tcatch\ta\twhiff\tof\tlunch\tbeing\tserved in\tthe\thotel\trestaurant\tand\tmy\tstomach\tmakes\ta\tpitiful\tlittle\twhimper. He\t shakes\t his\t head\t like\t I\u2019m\t an\t idiot.\t \u201cYou\u2019re\t beautiful.\t You\u2019re\t always beautiful.\u201d As\t the\t pleasure\t of\t those\t three\t words\t light\t up\t inside\t my\t chest,\t I\t remember my\tmanners. \u201cThank\tyou\tfor\tthe\troses.\tI\tnever\tdid\tsay\tthank\tyou,\tdid\tI?\tI\tloved\tthem.\tI\u2019ve never\thad\tflowers\tsent\tto\tme\tbefore.\u201d \u201cLipstick\tred.\tFlamethrower\tred.\tI\thave\tnever\tfelt\tlike\tsuch\ta\tpiece\tof\tshit\tas I\tdid\tthen.\u201d \u201cI\t forgave\t you,\t remember?\u201d\t I\t step\t in\t between\t his\t knees\t and\t pick\t up\t his glass.\tI\tsniff. \u201cWow,\tthat\u2019s\tone\tstrong\tKool-Aid.\u201d \u201cI\t need\t it.\u201d\t He\t swallows\t it\t without\t a\t blink.\t \u201cI\u2019ve\t never\t gotten\t flowers either.\u201d \u201cAll\tthese\tstupid\twomen\twho\tdon\u2019t\tknow\thow\tto\ttreat\ta\tman\tright.\u201d I\u2019m\t still\t agitated\t about\t his\t earlier\t revelation.\t Sure,\t he\u2019s\t an\t argumentative, calculating,\tterritorial\tasshole\t40\tpercent\tof\tthe\ttime,\tbut\tthe\tother\t60\tpercent\tis so\tfilled\twith\thumor\tand\tsweetness\tand\tvulnerability. It\tseems\tI\u2019ve\tdrunk\tall\tthe\tKool-Aid. \u201cReady?\u201d","\u201cLet\u2019s\tgo.\u201d\tWe\twait\tfor\tthe\tvalet\tto\tbring\tthe\tcar.\tI\tlook\tup\tat\tthe\tsky. \u201cWell,\tthey\tsay\train\ton\tyour\twedding\tday\tis\tgood\tluck.\u201d I\tpress\tmy\thand\ton\this\tjiggling\tknee\tafter\twe\tdrive\ta\tfew\tminutes. \u201cPlease\trelax.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tget\twhy\tthis\tis\ta\tbig\tdeal.\u201d\tHe\twon\u2019t\treply. The\tlittle\tchurch\tis\tabout\tten\tminutes\tfrom\tthe\thotel.\tThe\tparking\tlot\tis\tfilled with\t cold-looking\t women\t in\t pastels,\t hugging\t themselves\t and\t trying\t to\t wrangle male\tcompanions\tand\tchildren. I\u2019m\t about\t to\t start\t hugging\t myself\t against\t the\t cold\t as\t well\t when\t he\t gathers me\t to\t his\t side\t and\t swoops\t inside,\t saying,\t Hello,\t talk\t to\t you\t later\t to\t several relatives\twho\tgreet\thim\tin\ttones\tof\tsurprise\tbefore\tflicking\ttheir\teyes\tto\tme. \u201cYou\u2019re\tbeing\tso\trude.\u201d\tI\tsmile\tat\teveryone\twe\tpass\tand\ttry\tto\tdig\tmy\theels in\ta\tlittle. His\tfingers\tsmooth\tdown\tthe\tinside\tof\tmy\tarm\tand\the\tsighs.\t\u201cFront\trow.\u201d He\t tows\t me\t up\t the\t aisle.\t I\u2019m\t a\t little\t cloud\t in\t the\t slipstream\t of\t a\t fighter\t jet. The\t organist\t is\t making\t some\t tentative\t practice\t chords\t and\t it\u2019s\t probably\t Josh\u2019s expression\t that\t causes\t her\t to\t press\t several\t keys\t in\t a\t foghorn\t of\t fright.\t We approach\tthe\tfront\tpew.\tJosh\u2019s\thand\tis\tnow\ta\tvise\ton\tmine. \u201cHi.\u201d\tHe\tsounds\tso\tbored\tI\tthink\the\u2019s\tworthy\tof\tan\tOscar.\t\u201cWe\u2019re\there.\u201d \u201cJosh!\u201d\tHis\tmother,\tpresumably,\tsprings\tto\ther\tfeet\tfor\ta\thug.\tHis\thand\tfalls away\tfrom\tmine\tand\tI\twatch\this\tforearms\tlink\tbehind\ther.\tYou\u2019ve\tgot\tto\thand\tit to\tJosh.\tFor\ta\tprickly\tpear,\the\tcommits\tcompletely\tto\ta\thug. \u201cHi,\u201d\the\ttells\ther,\tkissing\ther\tcheek.\t\u201cYou\tlook\tnice.\u201d \u201cCutting\t it\t a\t bit\t close,\u201d\t the\t seated\t man\t on\t the\t pew\t comments,\t but\t I\t don\u2019t think\tJosh\tnotices. Josh\u2019s\t mom\t is\t a\t little\t lady,\t fair\t hair,\t with\t a\t soft\t cheek-dimple\t that\t I\u2019ve always\twished\tfor.\tHer\tpale\tgray\teyes\tare\tmisty\twhen\tshe\tpulls\tback\tto\tlook\tup at\ther\thuge,\tgorgeous\tson. \u201cOh!\tWell!\u201d\tShe\tbeams\tat\this\tcompliment\tand\tshe\tglances\tto\tme.\t\u201cIs\tthis\t.\t.\t. ?\u201d \u201cYes.\tThis\tis\tLucy\tHutton.\tLucy,\tthis\tis\tmy\tmother,\tDr.\tElaine\tTempleman.\u201d \u201cPleased\tto\tmeet\tyou,\tDr.\tTempleman.\u201d\tShe\u2019s\troping\tme\tin\tfor\ta\thug\tbefore I\tcan\tblink. \u201cElaine,\tplease.\tIt\u2019s\tLucy\tat\tlast!\u201d\tshe\tsays\tinto\tmy\thair.\tShe\tpulls\tback\tand studies\tme.\t\u201cJosh,\tshe\u2019s\tgorgeous!\u201d \u201cVery\tgorgeous.\u201d \u201cWell,\t I\u2019m\t going\t to\t keep\t you\t forever,\u201d\t she\t tells\t me,\t and\t I\t can\u2019t\t help\t but break\tinto\ta\tdorky\tgrin.\tThe\tlook\tJosh\tshoots\tme\tis\tlike,\tsee.\tHe\twipes\this\tpalms","on\t his\t suit\t pants\t and\t almost\t has\t a\t crazy\t look\t in\t his\t eye.\t Maybe\t he\t has Churchphobia. \u201cI\u2019m\t going\t to\t keep\t her\t in\t my\t pocket.\t What\t a\t doll!\t Come\t and\t sit\t up\t front with\t us\t here.\t This\t is\t Josh\u2019s\t father.\t Anthony,\t look\t at\t this\t little\t thing.\t Anthony, this\tis\tLucy.\u201d \u201cNice\t to\t meet\t you,\u201d\t he\t replies\t gravely,\t and\t I\t blink\t in\t shock.\t It\u2019s\t Joshua\t on time\t delay.\t Still\t ridiculously\t handsome,\t he\u2019s\t a\t stately\t silver\t fox,\t gravely upholstered\t in\t heavy\t tailoring.\t We\u2019re\t the\t same\t height\t and\t he\u2019s\t seated,\t so\t he must\tbe\tan\tabsolute\tgiant\twhen\tstanding.\tElaine\tputs\ther\thand\ton\tthe\tside\tof\this neck,\tand\twhen\the\tlooks\tup\tat\ther\tthe\tfaintest\tsmile\tcatches\tat\this\tlips. Then\t he\t swings\t his\t terrifying\t laser-eyes\t to\t me.\t Genetics\t never\t cease\t to astonish\tme. \u201cNice\tto\tmeet\tyou,\u201d\tI\treturn.\tWe\tstare\tat\teach\tother.\tPerhaps\tI\tshould\ttry\tto charm\t him.\t It\u2019s\t an\t ancient\t reflex\t and\t I\t press\t pause\t on\t it.\t I\t examine\t it.\t Then\t I decide\tagainst\tit. \u201cHello,\tJoshua,\u201d\the\tsays,\tredirecting\this\tlasers.\t\u201cBeen\ta\twhile.\u201d \u201cHi,\u201d\t Josh\t says,\t and\t snags\t me\t by\t my\t wrist,\t pulling\t me\t in\t to\t sit\t between himself\tand\this\tmother.\tA\tbuffer.\tI\tremind\tmyself\tto\tadmonish\thim\tfor\tit\tlater. Elaine\t steps\t between\t Anthony\u2019s\t feet\t and\t strokes\t his\t hair\t into\t a\t neater formation.\tBeauty\ttamed\tthis\tparticular\tBeast.\tShe\tsits\tdown\tand\tI\tturn\tto\ther. \u201cYou\t must\t be\t so\t excited.\t I\t met\t Patrick\t once,\t under\t less\t than\t pleasant circumstances.\u201d \u201cOh,\tyes,\tPatrick\ttold\tme\ton\tone\tof\tour\tSunday\tphone\tcalls.\tYou\twere\tquite unwell,\the\tsaid.\tFood\tpoisoning.\u201d \u201cI\t think\t it\t was\t a\t virus,\u201d\t Josh\t says,\t taking\t my\t hand\t and\t stroking\t it\t like\t an obsessive\tsorcerer.\t\u201cAnd\the\tshouldn\u2019t\tdiscuss\ther\tsymptoms\twith\tother\tpeople.\u201d His\tmother\twatches\thim,\tlooks\tat\tour\tjoined\thands,\tand\tsmiles. \u201cWell,\t whatever\t it\t was,\t I\t was\t completely\t steamrolled\t by\t it.\t He\t probably won\u2019t\t even\t recognize\t me\t today.\t I\t hope.\t I\t was\t grateful\t to\t your\t sons\t for\t getting me\tthrough\tit.\u201d Elaine\tglances\tat\tAnthony.\tI\u2019ve\tbrought\tJosh\ttoo\tclose\tto\tthe\tbig\telephant\tin the\troom;\this\tlack\tof\ta\tstethoscope. \u201cThe\tflowers\tare\tlovely.\u201d\tI\tpoint\tto\tthe\thuge\tmasses\tof\tpink\tlilies\ton\tthe\tend of\teach\tpew. Elaine\tdrops\ther\tvoice\tto\ta\twhisper.\t\u201cThank\tyou\tfor\tcoming\twith\thim.\tThis is\thard\tfor\thim.\u201d\tShe\tshoots\tJosh\ta\tworried\tlook. As\t mother\t of\t the\t groom,\t Elaine\t soon\t excuses\t herself\t to\t greet\t Mindy\u2019s","parents,\t and\t help\t several\t terrifyingly\t old\t people\t into\t their\t seats.\t The\t church\t is filling\t up;\t delighted\t cries\t of\t surprise\t and\t laughter\t filling\t the\t air\t as\t family\t and friends\treunite. Frankly,\t I\t don\u2019t\t see\t what\t is\t so\t difficult\t about\t this\t situation.\t Everything seems\t fine.\t I\t can\u2019t\t see\t anything\t amiss.\t Anthony\t nods\t to\t people.\t Elaine\t kisses and\thugs\tand\tlights\tup\teveryone\tshe\tspeaks\tto. I\u2019m\t just\t a\t little\t lonely\t book\t in\t between\t two\t brooding\t bookends.\t Anthony\t is not\tthe\tsort\tof\tman\tto\tappreciate\tsmall\ttalk. I\t let\t father\t and\t son\t sit\t in\t silence\t on\t a\t polished\t plank\t of\t wood,\t and\t I\t hold Josh\u2019s\thand\tand\tI\thave\tno\tidea\tif\tI\u2019m\tbeing\tremotely\tuseful\tuntil\the\tcatches\tmy eye. \u201cThanks\tfor\tbeing\there,\u201d\the\tsays\tinto\tmy\tear.\t\u201cIt\u2019s\talready\teasier.\u201d I\tmull\tthis\tover\tas\tElaine\ttakes\ther\tseat,\tand\tthe\tmusic\tstarts\tto\tplay. Patrick\t takes\t his\t place\t at\t the\t altar,\t casting\t a\t wry\t glance\t at\t his\t brother,\t his eyes\tskating\tover\tme\tas\tthough\tassessing\tmy\trecovery.\tHe\tsmiles\tat\this\tparents and\thuffs\tout\ta\tbreath. We\t all\t stand\t when\t Mindy\t arrives\t in\t a\t big\t pink\t marshmallow\t dress.\t It\u2019s insanely\t over\t the\t top,\t but\t she\t looks\t so\t happy\t as\t she\t walks\t down\t the\t aisle, simultaneously\tgrinning\tand\tweeping\tlike\ta\tlunatic,\tso\tI\tlove\tit\ttoo. She\t takes\t her\t place\t in\t front\t of\t Patrick,\t and\t I\t get\t a\t good\t look\t at\t her.\t Holy moly.\tThis\twoman\tis\tstunning.\tGo,\tPatrick. Weddings\talways\tend\tup\tdoing\tsomething\tweird\tto\tme.\tI\tfeel\tmyself\tgetting emotional\t when\t their\t friends\t read\t special\t poems,\t and\t the\t minister\t reflects\t on their\tcommitment.\tI\tget\tchoked\tup\tduring\ttheir\tvows.\tI\ttake\tthe\tKleenex\toffered by\tElaine\tand\tdab\tat\tthe\tcorners\tof\tmy\teyes.\tI\twatch\twith\tsuspense\tas\tthe\tring\tis slid\tonto\teach\tfinger,\tand\tsigh\twith\trelief\twhen\tthey\tfit\tperfectly\tand\tgo\ton\twith ease. And\twhen\tthe\tmagic\twords\tyou\tmay\tnow\tkiss\tthe\tbride\tare\tuttered\tI\tlet\tout\ta happy\t sigh\t like\t I\u2019ve\t seen\t THE\t END\t scrolled\t over\t the\t top\t of\t this\t perfect\t movie freeze-frame. I\t look\t at\t Elaine\t and\t we\t both\t let\t out\t identical\t delighted\t laughs\t and\t begin clapping.\tThe\tmen\ton\teither\tside\tof\tus\tsigh\tindulgently. They\t walk\t out\t down\t the\t aisle\t wearing\t their\t brand-new\t gold\t rings,\t and everyone\tstands\tup,\ttalking\tand\texclaiming\tuntil\tthe\tstrains\tof\tthe\tancient\torgan are\t almost\t drowned\t out.\t For\t the\t first\t time,\t I\t notice\t some\t speculative\t glances\t at Josh.\tWhat\tgives? \u201cThey\t go\t for\t photographs\t down\t on\t the\t boardwalk.\t I\t hope\t the\t wind\t doesn\u2019t","blow\t Mindy\t clean\t away,\u201d\t Elaine\t tells\t me,\t waving\t politely\t to\t someone.\t \u201cWe\u2019ll all\t go\t to\t the\t hotel\t now,\t have\t some\t drinks,\t then\t an\t early\t dinner\t and\t speeches. We\u2019ll\tborrow\tJosh\tfor\tsome\tfamily\tphotos\tat\tsome\tpoint.\u201d \u201cSounds\t good.\t Right,\t Josh?\u201d\t I\t squeeze\t his\t hand.\t He\u2019s\t been\t vacant\t for\t the last\tfew\tminutes.\tWith\ta\tjolt,\the\tdrops\tback\tinto\this\tbody. \u201cSure.\tLet\u2019s\tgo.\u201d I\t throw\t a\t look\t over\t my\t shoulder\t to\t his\t parents,\t which\t hopefully\t looks bemused\trather\tthan\talarmed\tas\tI\u2019m\thooked\tinto\this\tright\tarm\tand\tswept\tout\tof the\tchurch. \u201cSlow\t down.\t Josh.\t Wait.\t My\t shoes.\u201d\t I\u2019m\t barely\t able\t to\t keep\t up.\t He\t slides down\thorizontal\tin\tthe\tpassenger\tseat\tand\tlets\tout\ta\tgroaning\tsigh. I\u2019m\t having\t trouble\t trying\t to\t time\t my\t reverse.\t Everyone\t is\t piling\t out\t of\t the parking\tlot\tsimultaneously. \u201cDo\tyou\twant\tto\tgo\tstraight\tback?\tOr\tdo\tyou\twant\tme\tto\tdrive\taround\tfor\ta bit?\u201d \u201cDrive\taround.\tAll\tthe\tway\tback\thome.\tTake\tthe\thighway.\u201d \u201cI\tam\tan\tindependent\tobserver.\tI\tassure\tyou,\tit\twent\tpretty\twell.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re\tright,\tI\tguess,\u201d\the\tsays\theavily. \u201cPardon?\t Could\t you\t possibly\t repeat\t that\t in\t a\t moment,\t so\t I\t can\t record\t it?\t I want\tit\tas\tmy\ttext\tmessage\talert\tnoise.\tLucy\tHutton,\tyou\u2019re\tright.\u201d Teasing\thim\twill\tget\thim\tout\tof\this\tlittle\tfunk.\tHe\tlooks\tat\tme. \u201cI\t could\t do\t the\t voice\t mail\t message\t too\t if\t you\t want.\t You\u2019ve\t reached\t the voice\tmail\tof\tLucy\tHutton.\tShe\u2019s\ttoo\tbusy\tcrying\tat\ta\tstranger\u2019s\twedding\tto\ttake your\tcall\tright\tnow,\tbut\tleave\ta\tmessage.\u201d \u201cOh,\tshut\tup.\tI\tmust\twatch\ttoo\tmany\tmovies.\tIt\twas\tso\tromantic.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re\tkinda\tcute.\u201d \u201cJoshua\tTempleman\tthinks\tI\u2019m\tkind\tof\tcute.\tHell\thas\tofficially\tfrozen\tover.\u201d We\tgrin\tat\teach\tother. \u201cYou\tmust\thave\tcried\tfor\ta\treason.\tYou\u2019re\tdreaming\tof\tyour\town\twedding?\u201d I\tlook\tat\thim\tdefensively.\t\u201cNo.\tOf\tcourse\tnot.\tHow\tlame.\tPlus,\tmy\tfianc\u00e9\tis invisible,\tremember.\u201d \u201cBut\twhy\twould\ta\tstranger\u2019s\twedding\tmake\tyou\tcry,\tthen?\u201d \u201cMarriage\t is\t one\t of\t the\t last\t ancient\t rites\t of\t civilization,\t I\t guess.\t Everyone wants\tsomeone\twho\tloves\tthem\tso\tmuch\tthey\u2019d\twear\ta\tgold\tring.\tYou\tknow,\tto show\teveryone\telse\ttheir\theart\tis\ttaken.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tnot\tsure\tit\u2019s\trelevant\tthese\tdays.\u201d I\t try\t to\t think\t of\t how\t to\t explain\t it.\t \u201cIt\u2019s\t so\t completely\t primal.\t He\u2019s\t wearing","my\tring.\tHe\u2019s\tmine.\tHe\u2019ll\tnever\tbe\tyours.\u201d The\tslow\tprocession\tof\ttraffic\ttakes\tus\tall\tback\tto\tthe\thotel.\tI\thand\tthe\tkeys to\tthe\thotel\tvalet\tand\tJosh\tattempts\tto\tsteer\tme\tto\tthe\tside\tof\tthe\tbuilding. \u201cJosh.\tNo.\tCome\ton.\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s\tgo\tto\tthe\troom.\u201d\tHe\u2019s\tputting\ton\tthe\tbrakes.\tHe\tweighs\ta\tton. \u201cYou\u2019re\tbeing\tridiculous.\tExplain\twhat\tis\tgoing\ton\twith\tyou.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\tstupid,\u201d\the\tmutters.\t\u201cIt\u2019s\tnothing.\u201d \u201cWell,\t we\u2019re\t going\t in.\u201d\t I\t take\t his\t hand\t firmly\t and\t march\t him\t through\t the doors\theld\topen\tfor\tus. I\t take\t the\t deepest\t breath\t my\t lungs\t can\t manage,\t and\t walk\t through\t into\t an entire\troom\thalf\tfilled\twith\tTemplemans.","Chapter\t23 In\ta\tpretty\troom\tadjoining\tthe\tballroom,\twe\tspend\tnearly\ttwo\thours\tmingling\tin various\t states\t of\t awkwardness\t in\t an\t endless\t champagne\t reception.\t When\t I\t say mingling,\t I\t mean\t me\t carrying\t Joshua\t through\t a\t succession\t of\t social\t encounters with\t distant\t relatives\t while\t he\t stands\t beside\t me,\t watching\t me\t glug\t champagne to\t dull\t my\t nerves,\t which\t burns\t my\t empty\t stomach\t like\t gasoline.\t Every introduction\tgoes\tlike\tthis. \u201cLucy,\tthis\tis\tmy\taunt\tYvonne,\tmy\tmother\u2019s\tsister.\tYvonne,\tLucy\tHutton.\u201d When\t his\t duty\t is\t completed,\t he\t begins\t occupying\t himself\t with\t stroking\t my inner\t arm,\t spreading\t his\t hand\t across\t my\t back\t to\t find\t the\t bare\t skin\t under\t my hair,\t or\t linking\t and\t unlinking\t our\t fingers.\t Always\t staring.\t He\t barely\t takes\t his eyes\toff\tme.\tHe\u2019s\tprobably\tamazed\tby\tmy\tsmall-talk\tability. After\ta\twhile,\the\tis\ttaken\tby\this\tmother\tout\tinto\tthe\tside\tgarden,\tand\tI\twatch through\tthe\twindow\tas\the\tposes\twith\tvarious\tcombinations\tof\tfamily.\tHis\tsmile is\t forced.\t When\t he\t catches\t me\t spying,\t I\u2019m\t beckoned\t out,\t and\t he\t and\t I\t pose together\t in\t front\t of\t a\t charming\t rosebush.\t When\t the\t shutter\t clicks\t shut,\t the\t old version\t of\t me\t shakes\t her\t head,\t wondering\t how\t we\t ever\t got\t to\t this\t point.\t Me, and\tJoshua\tTempleman,\tcaptured\tside\tby\tside\tin\tthe\tsame\tphotograph,\tsmiling? Every\tnew\tdevelopment\tbetween\tus\tfeels\tlike\tan\timpossibility. He\tturns\tme\tand\tcups\tmy\tchin\tin\this\tpalms,\tand\tI\thear\tthe\tphotographer\tsay, Lovely.\tAnother\tshutter\tclick,\tand\tI\tforget\tthe\tworld\tin\tthe\tinstant\this\tlips\ttouch mine.\tI\twish\tI\tcould\tshake\toff\tmy\told\tmistrusts,\tbut\tthis\tall\tfeels\ttoo\tmuch\tlike\ta summer\t afternoon\t daydream.\t The\t sort\t I\t might\t have\t had\t once,\t and\t then\t hated myself\tfor\tit. I\t watch\t Patrick\t and\t Mindy\t across\t the\t lawn,\t now\t clinched\t together romantically\tin\tfront\tof\tanother\tcamera\tand\tI\trealize\tthat\tI\u2019m\tclinched\tin\ta\tfairly romantic\tpose\tmyself.\tThe\tman\twho\u2019s\thated\tme\tfor\tso\tlong\tis\tnow\tshowing\tme off,\ttugging\tme\tclose\tto\this\tside.\tWhen\twe\tgo\tback\tinside,\the\tkisses\tme\ton\tthe temple.\t He\t drops\t his\t mouth\t down\t to\t my\t ear,\t and\t tells\t me\t I\u2019m\t beautiful.\t I\u2019m turned\t another\t ninety\t degrees,\t presented\t to\t another\t set\t of\t relatives.\t He\u2019s","showing\tme\toff. What\tI\thaven\u2019t\tworked\tout\tyet\tis,\tWhy? In\t every\t introduction,\t after\t discussions\t on\t how\t lovely\t Mindy\t looked\t and how\tnice\tthe\tceremony\twas,\tthe\tinevitable\tquestion\talways\tcomes\tnext. \u201cSo,\tLucy,\thow\tdid\tyou\tmeet\tJosh?\u201d \u201cWe\tmet\tat\twork,\u201d\tJosh\tsupplied\tthe\tfirst\ttime\twhen\tthe\tsilence\tstretched\ttoo thin,\tso\tit\tbecomes\tmy\tdefault\tanswer. \u201cOh,\tand\twhere\tdo\tyou\twork?\u201d\tis\tthe\tnext\tquestion.\tNone\tof\this\tfamily\thas even\tthe\tslightest\tidea\twhere\the\tworks,\tor\twhat\the\tdoes.\tThey\u2019re\tawkward\tabout it;\t like\t being\t a\t Med\t School\t Dropout\t is\t something\t to\t be\t deeply\t ashamed\t of.\t At least\ta\tpublishing\thouse\tsounds\tglamorous. \u201cIt\u2019s\t so\t lovely\t seeing\t you\t with\t someone\t new,\u201d\t another\t great-aunt\t tells\t him. She\tgives\tme\ta\tMeaningful\tLook.\tPerhaps\the\u2019s\talso\trumored\tto\tbe\tgay. I\texcuse\tus\tand\tpull\thim\taside\tbehind\ta\tpillar. \u201cYou\thave\t to\tmake\t more\t of\t an\t effort.\t I\u2019m\texhausted.\t It\u2019s\t my\tturn\t to\t stand there\tand\tfeel\tyou\tup\twhile\tyou\ttalk.\u201d\tA\twaiter\tpasses\tand\toffers\tme\tanother\ttiny canap\u00e9.\t He\t knows\t me\t by\t now\t because\t I\u2019ve\t eaten\t at\t least\t twelve.\t I\u2019m\t his\t best customer.\t I\u2019m\t obsessed\t with\t dinner,\t which\t I\u2019ve\t been\t promised\t by\t the\t waiter\t is at\tfive\to\u2019clock\tsharp.\tI\twatch\tthe\thands\ton\tJosh\u2019s\twatch,\tknowing\tI\u2019ll\tprobably die\tof\thunger\tbefore\tthen. \u201cI\tcan\u2019t\tthink\tof\tanything\tto\tsay.\u201d\tHe\tnotices\ta\tpaintball\tbruise\ton\tmy\tupper arm\tand\tbegins\tsilently\tfussing\tover\tit. \u201cAsk\tpeople\tabout\tthemselves,\tit\tusually\tworks.\u201d\tI\tam\tacutely\taware\tof\thow many\tpeople\tkeep\ttaking\tlittle\tpeeks\tat\tus.\t\u201cYou\tneed\tto\ttell\tme\twhy\teveryone\u2019s looking\tat\tme\tlike\tI\u2019m\tthe\tBride\tof\tFrankenstein.\tNo\toffense,\tyou\tbig\tfreak.\u201d \u201cI\thate\tbeing\tasked\tabout\tmyself.\u201d \u201cI\tnoticed.\tNobody\tknows\ta\tflippin\u2019\tthing\tabout\tyou.\tAnd\tyou\tdidn\u2019t\tanswer my\tquestion.\u201d \u201cThey\u2019re\t looking\t at\t me.\t Most\t of\t them\t haven\u2019t\t seen\t me\t since\t the\t Big Scandal.\u201d \u201cIs\tthat\twhy\tyou\twant\tme\tto\tplay\tgirlfriend?\tSo\teveryone\tforgets\tyou\u2019re\tnot a\tdoctor?\tYou\u2019d\tdo\tfar\tbetter\tto\thand\tout\tyour\tbusiness\tcard.\tQuit\ttouching\tme.\tI can\u2019t\tthink\tstraight.\u201d\tI\ttug\tmy\tarm. \u201cI\t can\u2019t\t seem\t to\t stop\t now\t I\u2019ve\t started.\u201d\t He\t gathers\t me\t closer\t and\t dips\t his mouth\tdown\tto\tmy\tear.\t\u201cAre\tyou\tthis\tsoft\tall\tover?\u201d \u201cWhat\tdo\tyou\tthink?\u201d \u201cI\t want\t to\t know.\u201d\t His\t lips\t brush\t my\t earlobe\t and\t I\t can\u2019t\t remember\t what","we\u2019re\ttalking\tabout. \u201cWhy\tare\tyou\tacting\tso\tkissy\tand\tboyfriend-y?\u201d\tI\twatch\this\teyes\tclosely,\tand when\the\tanswers,\tI\tknow\twith\tdeep\tcertainty\tthat\the\tis\tnot\ttelling\tme\tsomething. \u201cI\u2019ve\ttold\tyou.\tYou\u2019re\tmy\tmoral\tsupport.\u201d \u201cFor\twhat?\tWhat\tam\tI\tmissing?\u201d\tMy\tvoice\tgets\ta\tlittle\tsharp\tand\tsome\theads close\tto\tus\tturn.\t\u201cJosh,\tI\tfeel\tlike\tI\u2019m\twaiting\tfor\tthe\tother\tshoe\tto\tdrop.\u201d He\t strokes\t his\t hand\t down\t the\t side\t of\t my\t neck.\t I\t shiver\t so\t hard\t he\t sees\t it. When\the\tbends\tto\tpress\ta\tkiss\tagainst\tmy\tlips,\tmy\teyelids\tdrop\tshut,\tand\tthere\u2019s nothing\tin\tthe\tworld\tbut\thim.\tI\twant\tto\texist\tonly\there;\tin\tthe\tdark,\tthe\tfeel\tof\this forearm\tin\tthe\tsmall\tof\tmy\tback.\tHis\tlips\ttelling\tme,\tLucy,\tstop\tfretting.\tIt\u2019s\tan unfair\tmove. I\t open\t my\t eyes\t and\t a\t couple\t who\t I\t think\t are\t Mindy\u2019s\t parents\t are\t clearly talking\tabout\tus.\tBoth\thave\tbusybody\tspeculative\teyes\tas\tthey\tinspect\tme. \u201cQuit\ttrying\tto\tdistract\tme.\tWe\tneed\tto\tget\tthrough\tdinner.\tAnd\tyou\u2019re\tgoing to\t come\t up\t with\t some\t topics\t of\t conversation\t and\t talk\t to\t your\t family.\t Why\t are you\tbeing\tso\tshy?\u201d\tAs\tsoon\tas\tI\tsay\tit,\tI\tunderstand.\t\u201cOh.\tBecause\tyou\tare\tshy.\u201d My\tnew\trevelation\tgives\tme\ta\tslightly\tdifferent\tangle\tto\tview\thim\tfrom.\t\u201cAll this\t time\t I\t thought\t you\t were\t just\t an\t arrogant\t asshole.\t I\t mean,\t you\t are.\t But there\u2019s\t more\t to\t it.\t You\u2019re\t actually\t incredibly\t shy.\u201d\t He\t blinks\t and\t I\t know\t I\u2019m right\ton\tthe\tmoney. A\t strange\t sensation\t stirs\t in\t my\t chest.\t It\t unfolds,\t grows\t twice\t as\t large,\t then again.\t It\t doesn\u2019t\t stop;\t it\t gets\t faster,\t bigger,\t feathers\t and\t fluff\t stuffing\t my\t chest like\ta\tcushion.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow\twhat\u2019s\thappening,\tbut\tit\u2019s\tfilling\tup\tmy\tthroat\tand\tI can\u2019t\tfind\tany\tbreath.\tHe\tseems\tto\tknow\tsomething\tis\thappening\twith\tme,\tbut\the doesn\u2019t\tpress\tme\ton\tit;\tinstead,\this\tarm\trises\tto\thug\tmy\tshoulders,\this\tother\thand cradling\t my\t head.\t Again,\t I\t try\t to\t speak\t but\t I\t can\u2019t.\t He\t just\t holds\t me\t and\t I squeeze\t my\t hands\t uselessly\t on\t his\t lapels\t and\t the\t red\t foyer\t in\t the\t far\t distance sparkles\tlike\ta\tjewel. \u201cJosh,\u201d\t Elaine\t says.\t \u201cOh,\t here\t you\t are.\u201d\t Her\t voice\t warms.\t Josh\t pivots without\treleasing\tme,\tsliding\tmy\tshoes\talong\tthe\tmarble\tfloor. Her\t eyes\t are\t a\t little\t too\t bright\t when\t she\t looks\t at\t us\t both.\t \u201cWhen\t you\u2019re ready,\twould\tyou\tlike\tto\tjoin\tus\tinside?\tYou\u2019re\tat\tour\ttable.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll\tbring\thim\tright\tin.\u201d The\t unfolding\t in\t my\t chest\t crumples\t a\t little\t when\t I\t realize\t his\t mother\t is happy\tto\tsee\thim\twith\tsomeone.\tI\tstraighten\tup\tand\this\thands\tslide\tto\tmy\tlower back.\tPeople\tshuffle\tin\tto\ttake\ttheir\tseats\tand\tI\tsee\theads\tcrane\tas\tthey\twalk\tpast to\tlook\tat\tus.","\u201cWho\tam\tI?\u201d\tI\ttry\tone\tlast\ttime.\t\u201cYour\thousekeeper?\tYour\tpiano\tteacher?\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re\t Shortcake,\u201d\t he\t says\t simply.\t \u201cYou\t don\u2019t\t need\t to\t make\t up\t anything. Come\ton.\tLet\u2019s\tget\tthis\tover\twith.\u201d I\tfeel\tsome\ttrepidation\tas\tI\tapproach\tour\ttable\tand\tJosh\tstiffens\tup.\tWe\tease into\t our\t chairs\t and\t spend\t a\t few\t minutes\t studying\t the\t table\t decorations\t and\t our name\t cards.\t The\t others\t are\t typed,\t but\t mine\t is\t handwritten,\t I\u2019m\t guessing\t due\t to the\tlate\tRSVP. The\t table\t seats\t eight.\t Me,\t Josh,\t his\t mom\t and\t dad,\t Mindy\u2019s\t parents,\t and Mindy\u2019s\t brother\t and\t sister.\t I\u2019m\t at\t the\t head\t family\t table.\t If\t I\t had\t known\t this would\t happen\t when\t I\t brashly\t offered\t my\t services\t as\t Josh\u2019s\t chauffeur,\t I\t would have\tpunched\tmyself\tin\tthe\tface. I\tchat\ta\tlittle\tto\tMindy\u2019s\tbrother,\tseated\tto\tmy\tleft.\tGlasses\tare\tclinked.\tI\u2019m praying\t Josh\t will\t say\t something,\t anything.\t I\u2019m\t about\t to\t aim\t a\t little\t jab\t at\t the side\tof\this\tthigh\twhen\tthe\tsilence\tis\tbroken\tby\tElaine.\tThe\tdreaded\tquestion. \u201cLucy,\ttell\teveryone\thow\tyou\tmet\tJosh.\u201d Inwardly\t I\t shriek.\t I\u2019ve\t answered\t this\t same\t question\t at\t least\t eight\t times today,\tand\tit\tnever\tgets\tany\teasier.\t\u201cWell.\tWell,\tuh\t.\t.\t.\u201d Oh\tcrap,\tI\u2019m\tsounding\tlike\ta\tpriced-by-the-hour\tescort\twho\thasn\u2019t\tthought\tof a\t good\t enough\t lie.\t What\t did\t we\t agree\t again?\t I\u2019m\t Shortcake?\t I\t can\u2019t\t tell\t them that.\tIf\tI\tever\twas\tgoing\tto\thumiliate\tJosh,\tnow\twould\tbe\tthe\ttime.\tI\tcan\talmost imagine\tsaying\tit.\tHe\tforced\tme\tto\tcome. \u201cWe\t work\t together,\u201d\t Josh\t says\t calmly,\t ripping\t his\t dinner\t roll\t in\t half.\t \u201cWe met\tat\twork.\u201d \u201cAn\toffice\tromance,\u201d\tElaine\tsays,\twinking\tat\tAnthony.\t\u201cThe\tbest\tkind.\tWhat did\tyou\tthink\tof\thim\twhen\tyou\tfirst\tlaid\teyes\ton\thim?\u201d I\t know\t a\t born\t romantic\t when\t I\t see\t one.\t She\u2019s\t a\t mother\t who\t will\t take\t any compliment\t of\t her\t offspring\t as\t a\t compliment\t to\t herself.\t She\u2019s\t looking\t at\t him now\t with\t her\t heart\t in\t her\t eyes,\t and\t I\t cannot\t help\t falling\t a\t bit\t in\t love\t with\t her myself. \u201cI\t thought,\t good\t grief,\t he\u2019s\t tall.\u201d\t Everyone\t except\t Anthony\t laughs.\t He\u2019s studying\this\tfork,\tchecking\tfor\tcleanliness. \u201cHow\t tall\t are\t you,\t Lucy?\u201d\t Mindy\u2019s\t mother,\t Diane,\t asks.\t Yet\t another dreaded\tquestion. \u201cFive\twhole\tfeet.\u201d\tMy\tstandard\tanswer\tthat\talways\tgets\ta\tlaugh. Waitstaff\t are\t beginning\t to\t pass\t out\t the\t starters\t and\t my\t stomach\t makes\t a hungry\tgurgle. \u201cAnd\twhat\tdid\tyou\tthink\twhen\tyou\tsaw\tLucy?\u201d\tElaine\tprompts.\tWe\tmay\tas","well\t be\t sitting\t in\t the\t middle\t of\t the\t table\t like\t decorative\t centerpieces.\t This\t is getting\tridiculous. \u201cI\tthought\tshe\thad\tthe\tbest\tsmile\tI\u2019d\tever\tseen,\u201d\tJosh\treplies,\tmatter-of-fact. Diane\t and\t Elaine\t both\t look\t at\t each\t other\t and\t bite\t their\t lips,\t eyes\t widening, eyebrows\trising.\tI\tknow\tthat\tlook.\tIt\u2019s\tthe\tHopeful\tMom\tlook. But\teven\tI\tcan\u2019t\tstop\tmyself\tfrom\tblurting,\t\u201cDid\tyou?\u201d If\t he\u2019s\t lying,\t he\u2019s\t absolutely\t outdoing\t himself.\t I\t know\t his\t face\t better\t than my\town,\tand\tI\tcan\u2019t\tpick\tit.\tHe\tnods\tand\tgestures\tat\tmy\tplate. I\tlearn\tthat\tPatrick\tand\tMindy\tare\tgoing\tto\tHawaii\tfor\ttheir\thoneymoon. \u201cI\u2019ve\t always\t wanted\t to\t go\t there.\t I\t need\t some\t sun.\t A\t vacation\t sounds\t good right\tabout\tnow.\u201d\tI\tpush\taway\tmy\tplate,\twhich\tI\u2019ve\tpractically\tlicked\tclean,\tand remember\tthat\ta\ttrip\tto\tSky\tDiamond\tStrawberries\tis\ton\tthe\tnear\thorizon.\tI\tstart to\ttell\tJosh,\tbecause\the\u2019s\tso\tfascinated\twith\tthat\tplace,\tbut\this\tmother\tinterrupts. \u201cIs\twork\tbusy?\u201d\tElaine\tasks. I\tnod.\t\u201cSo\tbusy.\tAnd\tJosh\tis\tjust\tas\tbusy.\u201d I\tnotice\tAnthony\tmake\ta\tlittle\tsnort,\tlooking\taway\tdismissively.\tBoy,\tis\tthat expression\tfamiliar.\tJosh\tgoes\trigid,\tand\tElaine\tgives\ther\thusband\ta\tfrown. The\t main\t courses\t are\t served\t and\t I\t begin\t dismantling\t it\t with\t gusto.\t Tiny hairline\t cracks\t of\t tension\t are\t starting\t to\t run\t through\t the\t meal.\t I\t must\t be incredibly\tslow,\tbut\tI\tcan\u2019t\twork\tout\tthe\tsource\tof\tit.\tTrue,\tAnthony\thasn\u2019t\tsaid much,\t but\t he\t seems\t like\t a\t nice\t enough\t man.\t Elaine\t is\t growing\t more\t tense,\t her smile\tmore\tforced,\tas\tshe\tattempts\tto\tkeep\tthe\tmood\tlight.\tI\tcan\tsee\ther\tstarting to\tglance\tat\tAnthony,\ther\teyes\timploring\thim. As\t the\t waitstaff\t clear\t the\t plates\t after\t our\t main\t courses,\t I\t can\t see\t all\t the major\tplayers\tgetting\tready\tfor\ttheir\tspeeches.\tAnthony\ttakes\tan\tindex\tcard\tfrom his\t inner\t pocket.\t As\t they\t test\t the\t microphone,\t I\t tug\t my\t chair\t a\t little\t closer\t to Josh\tand\the\tdrops\tone\tarm\tover\tmy\tshoulders.\tI\tlean\tback\tinto\thim. There\u2019s\t a\t speech\t from\t the\t best\t man\t and\t Mindy\u2019s\t maid\t of\t honor.\t Her\t father makes\ta\tspeech\twelcoming\tPatrick\tto\tthe\tfamily,\tand\tI\tsmile\tat\tthe\tsincere\tring in\t his\t voice.\t He\t talks\t about\t his\t pleasure\t in\t gaining\t a\t son.\t Josh\t hugs\t me\t closer and\tI\tlet\thim. Anthony\t takes\t the\t podium\t and\t looks\t at\t his\t index\t card\t with\t an\t expression bordering\ton\tdistaste.\tHe\tleans\tdown\tto\tthe\tmicrophone. \u201cElaine\t wrote\t me\t some\t suggestions,\t but\t I\t think\t I\u2019ll\t wing\t it.\u201d\t His\t voice\t is slow,\t deliberate,\t with\t a\t pinch\t of\t sarcasm\t I\u2019m\t beginning\t to\t understand\t is hereditary\tamong\tthe\tTempleman\tmales. A\tlaugh\tscatters\tthrough\tthe\troom,\tand\tJosh\tsits\tup\tstraighter.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tneed\tto","look\tto\tknow\the\u2019s\tfrowning. \u201cI\u2019ve\t always\t expected\t great\t things\t of\t my\t son.\u201d\t Anthony\t holds\t the\t edges\t of the\tpodium\tand\tlooks\tat\tthe\tcrowd.\tHis\tchoice\tof\twords\talso\timplies\tthat\the\thas only\tone\tson.\tMaybe\tI\u2019m\tjust\treading\ttoo\tmuch\tinto\tit. \u201cAnd\t he\t hasn\u2019t\t disappointed\t me.\t Not\t once.\t Never\t have\t I\t gotten\t the\t call every\t parent\t dreads.\t The\t \u2018Hey,\t Dad,\t I\u2019m\t stuck\t in\t Mexico\u2019\t call.\t Never\t got\t that from\tPatrick.\u201d\tBigger\tlaughs\tfrom\tthe\tcrowd\tnow. \u201cNot\tfrom\tme,\teither,\u201d\tJosh\tmutters\tinto\tmy\tear. \u201cHe\t graduated\t in\t the\t top\t five\t percent\t of\t his\t class.\t It\u2019s\t been\t a\t privilege watching\thim\tgrow\tinto\tthe\tman\tyou\tsee\there,\u201d\tAnthony\tintones.\t\u201cHis\trange\tof experience\t has\t gone\t from\t strength\t to\t strength\t and\t he\u2019s\t well\t respected\t by\t his peers.\u201d I\tcan\u2019t\tdetect\tany\tparticular\temotion\tin\this\tvoice,\tbut\the\tdoes\tlook\tat\tPatrick for\ta\tfraction\ttoo\tlong. \u201cI\tmust\tsay,\tthe\tday\the\tgraduated\tmed\tschool,\tI\tcould\tsee\tmyself\tin\tPatrick. And\tit\twas\ta\trelief,\tknowing\twe\u2019d\tcontinue\tthe\tmedical\tdynasty.\u201d Behind\tmy\tear,\tI\thear\tJosh\tdraw\tin\ta\tsharp\tbreath.\tHis\tarm\tfeels\tincreasingly viselike\taround\tmy\tshoulders. Anthony\t lifts\t his\t glass.\t \u201cBut\t I\t believe\t you\u2019re\t only\t as\t strong\t as\t the\t person you\t choose\t to\t live\t your\t life\t with.\t And\t today,\t by\t marrying\t Melinda,\t he\u2019s\t made me\t a\t proud\t father\t yet\t again.\t And\t Mindy,\t might\t I\t say,\t you\u2019ve\t chosen\t an outstanding\tTempleman\tto\tmarry.\tMindy,\twelcome\tto\tour\tfamily.\u201d We\traise\tour\tglasses,\tbut\tJosh\tdoes\tnot.\tI\tlook\tover\tmy\tshoulder\tand\tsee\ttwo people,\t heads\t together,\t whispering\t and\t watching\t us.\t Mindy\u2019s\t mother\t looks\t at Josh\twith\traw\tpity. Mindy\t and\t Patrick\t cut\t the\t cake\t and\t feed\t each\t other\t a\t square.\t I\u2019ve\t been looking\tforward\tto\tsome\tcake\tfor\tmost\tof\tthe\tday,\tand\tI\u2019m\tnot\tdisappointed.\tA huge\twedge\tof\tsomething\tchocolate\tand\theavy\tis\tplaced\tin\tfront\tof\tme. \u201cGreat\tspeech.\tThanks\tfor\tthat\tlittle\tremark,\u201d\tJosh\ttells\this\tfather. \u201cIt\twas\ta\tjoke.\u201d\tAnthony\tsmiles\tat\tElaine,\tbut\tshe\u2019s\tnot\tpleased. \u201cHilarious.\u201d\tHer\tglare\tturns\tglacial. I\t know\t when\t a\t subject\t change\t is\t in\t order.\t \u201cThis\t cake\t looks\t like\t death\t by chocolate.\tI\thope\tit\u2019s\tnot\ttoo\tnaughty.\u201d \u201cYou\twould\tbe\tamazed\tby\tthe\tdamage\tto\tarteries\tcaused\tby\thigh-fat\tdiets,\u201d Anthony\tpipes\tup. \u201cWould\t you\t say\t the\t occasional\t treat\t is\t okay?\t I\t hope\t so.\u201d\t I\u2019m\t forking\t the cake\tinto\tmy\tmouth.","\u201cIdeally,\t no.\t Saturated\t fat,\t trans\t fats,\t once\t they\t go\t into\t your\t arteries,\t they aren\u2019t\tcoming\tout.\tUnless\tyou\thave\ta\theart\tattack\tand\tsomeone\tlike\tElaine\thas\tto fix\tyou.\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s\ta\tlittle\tstrict\twith\thimself,\u201d\tElaine\tassures\tme\tas\tI\tdrop\tmy\tfork\twith\ta clatter\t and\t press\t my\t hands\t to\t my\t chest.\t \u201cTreats\t are\t okay.\t They\u2019re\t better\t than okay.\u201d \u201cShe\tasked\tmy\topinion,\u201d\tAnthony\tpoints\tout\tgravely.\t\u201cAnd\tI\tgave\tit.\u201d I\t notice\t he\u2019s\t got\t no\t cake\t in\t front\t of\t him.\t I\u2019m\t reminded\t of\t the\t all-staff meeting.\t Josh\t didn\u2019t\t eat\t any\t cake\t then,\t either.\t I\t glance\t sideways,\t and\t to\t my surprise\tJosh\tpicks\tup\this\tfork\tand\tbegins\teating\tcake\ttoo.\tIt\u2019s\ta\tgreat\tbig\tgiant fuck-you\t to\t his\t dad.\t Over\t and\t over\t we\t fork\t cake\t into\t our\t greedy\t faces\t until Anthony\u2019s\tforehead\tpinches\tin\tdistaste,\tclearly\tunused\tto\thaving\this\tsage\tadvice ignored. \u201cSelf-indulgence\tis\ta\ttricky\tthing.\tIt\tcan\tbe\thard\tto\tget\tyourself\tback\ton\ttrack once\t you\t begin\t indulging\t trivial\t little\t impulses.\u201d\t Anthony\t is\t not\t talking\t about cake.\tJosh\tdrops\this\tfork\twith\ta\tclatter. Elaine\tlooks\twretched.\t\u201cAnthony,\tplease.\tLeave\thim\talone.\u201d \u201cCome\twith\tme,\u201d\tI\ttell\thim,\tand\tto\tmy\tmild\tsurprise\the\trises\tobediently\tand walks\twith\tme\tto\tthe\tshadowed\tedge\tof\tthe\tempty\tdance\tfloor. \u201cCan\t you\t please\t explain\t what\u2019s\t going\t on?\t This\t tension\t is\t excruciating.\t I\u2019m sorry,\tbut\tyour\tdad\tis\tbeing\ta\tdick.\tIs\the\talways\tlike\tthis?\u201d He\tjams\ta\thand\tinto\this\thair.\t\u201cLike\tfather,\tlike\tson.\u201d \u201cNo,\t you\u2019re\t not\t like\t this.\t He\u2019s\t being\t bitchy\t and\t your\t mom\t is\t upset.\t His speech\twas\tso\tweird.\u201d\tEvery\tsingle\ttime\tI\tfeel\tprotective\tof\tJosh,\tthe\trealization pings\tme\tright\tin\tthe\tsolar\tplexus.\tI\ttake\this\thand,\twhich\tis\tfolded\tinto\ta\tfist,\tand smooth\tmy\thand\tover\tthe\tknuckles. He\twatches\tmy\tfingers.\t\u201cDinner\u2019s\tover.\tWe\u2019ve\tgotten\tthrough\tit.\tThat\u2019s\tall\tI care\tabout.\u201d \u201cBut\twhy\tdoes\tit\tfeel\tlike\tall\teyes\tare\ton\tyou?\tIt\tseems\tlike\teveryone\tin\tthis room\t is\t looking\t at\t you,\t wondering\t if\t you\u2019re\t coping\t okay.\t It\u2019s\t like,\t Hang\t in there,\tsport.\u201d \u201cI\tthink\tthey\u2019ll\tassume\tI\u2019m\tnot\tsuffering\ttoo\tbadly.\u201d\tHe\tloops\ta\thand\taround my\twaist,\tand\tthe\tglow\tof\this\tflattery\thits\tmy\tbloodstream,\talong\twith\tprobably two\tthousand\tpremium\tcake\tcalories. \u201cThey\u2019re\t wrong.\t No\t one\t makes\t you\t suffer\t like\t I\t do.\u201d\t I\t receive\t a\t smile\t for my\tcleverness.\t\u201cAre\tyou\tokay?\tPlease\ttell\tme\tabout\tthis\tBig\tScandal\tthat\tthey\u2019re all\twhispering\tabout.\tI\tcannot\tfathom\tthat\tyou\tdeciding\tto\tnot\tbe\ta\tdoctor\tcould","cause\tsuch\ta\tfuss.\u201d It\u2019s\t rare\t to\t see\t Josh\t procrastinate,\t but\t he\t does\t now.\t \u201cIt\u2019s\t a\t long\t story. Bathroom\tfirst.\u201d \u201cIf\tyou\tclimb\tout\tthe\twindow,\tI\u2019m\tgoing\tto\tbe\treally\tmad.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll\t be\t back,\t I\t promise.\t I\u2019ll\t tell\t you\t the\t whole\t sorry\t tale.\t Will\t you\t be\t okay for\ta\tminute?\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve\thad\tto\tmake\tfriends\twith\thalf\tthe\tpeople\tin\tthis\troom,\tremember?\tI\u2019m sure\t I\u2019ll\t find\t someone\t to\t hang\t out\t with.\u201d\t I\t watch\t him\t go\t and\t strike\t the\t most casual\tpose\tI\tcan\tmanage. I\t haven\u2019t\t actually\t spoken\t to\t Mindy\t yet.\t Outside,\t she\t was\t always\t being moved\t around\t by\t the\t photographers,\t but\t she\u2019d\t smiled\t at\t me\t and\t I\t have\t the impression\tthat\tshe\tis\tnice.\tShe\u2019s\tnearby\tspeaking\tanimatedly\tto\tan\tolder\tcouple. When\tthey\tmove\taway,\tI\tsmile\tand\twave\ttentatively.\tI\tfeel\tbad\tshe\thas\tto\thave strangers\tat\ther\twedding. \u201cHello,\tMindy,\tI\u2019m\tLucy.\tI\u2019m\tJoshua\u2019s,\tah,\tplus-one.\tThank\tyou\tso\tmuch\tfor having\tme\there.\tThe\tceremony\twas\tlovely.\tAnd\tI\tlove\tyour\tdress.\u201d \u201cNice\tto\tmeet\tyou.\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\tdying\tto.\u201d\tShe\tsmiles\tbroadly,\ther\tdark\teyes\tlit with\tundisguised\tinterest\tas\tshe\tlooks\tme\tover. \u201cYou\u2019re\tthe\tgirl\twho\u2019s\tmelted\tthe\tice\tman.\u201d \u201cOh!\tUm.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow\tabout\tmelted\t.\t.\t.\tIce\tman?\u201d\tI\u2019m\tat\tmy\tarticulate\tbest. \u201cYou\tknow\tJosh\tand\tI\tdated\tfor\ta\tyear?\u201d\tShe\twaves\ther\thand\tquickly\tas\tif\tit were\tnothing. \u201cWhat?\tNo.\u201d\tMy\tstomach\tfolds\tin\thalf.\tAnd\tin\thalf\tagain.\tShe\tputs\tone\thand to\ther\thair\tand\tsmoothes\tthe\talready\tperfect\tstyle.\tIt\u2019s\tblond.\tShe\u2019s\ttall,\ttan,\tand brown\teyed.\tShe\u2019s\tTall\tBlondie. My\tmouth\tis\tprobably\ta\tperfect\tcircle.\tI\tam\tspeechless.\tIt\tis\tall\tdropping\tinto place.\tHow\thumiliating\twould\tit\tbe\tto\tgo\talone\tto\tyour\tex-girlfriend\u2019s\twedding? Especially\twhen\tshe\u2019s\tmarrying\tyour\tbrother? \u201cHow\t long\t ago\t did\t you\t meet\t Patrick?\u201d\t I\t am\t trying\t to\t keep\t my\t voice modulated.\tI\tsound\tlike\tmy\tcar\u2019s\tGPS. \u201cI\u2019d\t known\t him\t while\t dating\t Josh,\t of\t course.\t When\t all\t that\t business\t with Josh\u2019s\t work\t going\t through\t the\t merger,\t I\t started\t talking\t to\t Patrick\t to\t try\t to understand\t why\t Josh\t was\t being\t so\t distant.\t He\t isn\u2019t\t much\t of\t a\t talker,\t as\t you know.\u201d I\t look\t at\t all\t the\t strangers\t who\t have\t been\t staring\t at\t Josh\t all\t night.\t They\u2019ve been\t wondering\t how\t he\u2019s\t coping\t with\t seeing\t this\t beautiful\t woman\t marry\t his brother.\t A\t year.\t They\t would\t have\t definitely\t slept\t together.\t This\t willowy,","immaculate\tblonde\thas\tlain\tin\this\tbed.\tKissed\this\tmouth.\tI\tswallow\tacid. \u201cPatrick\t and\t I\t just\t clicked.\t It\u2019s\t been\t a\t bit\t of\t a\t whirlwind;\t we\t only\t got engaged\tsix\tmonths\tago.\tI\tstill\tfeel\tbad\tabout\tit,\tbut\tJosh\tand\tI\twere\tnot\ta\tgood fit.\tI\tfound\this\tmoods\tto\tbe\tscary\tsometimes.\tI\tstill\thardly\tknow\twhat\tto\ttalk\tto him\tabout.\tI\u2019m\tsorry,\tI\u2019m\tbeing\trude.\tPlease\tdon\u2019t\ttell\thim\tI\tsaid\tthat.\u201d I\tfeel\tlike\tI\u2019m\tabout\tto\tburst\tinto\ttears\tand\tMindy\twatches\tme\twith\tgrowing alarm. \u201cI\u2019m\tsorry,\tLucy,\tI\tthought\the\twould\thave\ttold\tyou.\tHe\u2019s\tso\thappy\twith\tyou. I\tnever\twould\thave\timagined\the\u2019d\tbe\tso\tcompletely\tsmitten.\tHe\tnever\twas\twith me.\tI\tsuppose\tit\tdoes\tmake\tsense.\tIntense\tmen\tlike\thim\tusually\tfall\tpretty\thard, when\tthey\teventually\tdo.\u201d I\t force\t myself\t to\t smile,\t but\t it\u2019s\t not\t convincing.\t I\t can\u2019t\t be\t responsible\t for ruining\t Mindy\u2019s\t happy\t wedding\t buzz,\t but\t inside\t I\u2019m\t breaking.\t How\t could\t I have\t been\t so\t stupid\t to\t think\t he\t was\t walking\t me\t around,\t showing\t me\t off,\t for nothing?\tI\u2019m\tmoral\tsupport\twhile\the\tattends\this\tex-girlfriend\u2019s\twedding.\tIf\tthat isn\u2019t\tthe\tdefinition\tof\ta\trent-a-date\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow\twhat\tis. \u201cOh,\tLucy.\tSorry\tto\tupset\tyou,\tespecially\tif\tyou\ttwo\tare\tearly\tdays.\tBut\tJosh is\tyours.\u201d I\tmanage\ta\tweak\tlaugh.\tHe\u2019s\treally\tnot. \u201cPatrick\tis\tespecially\tsurprised.\tWhat\tdid\the\tsay?\tSomething\tlike,\tI\u2019ve\tnever seen\tJosh\tlook\tlike\the\thas\ta\theart.\u201d \u201cHe\thas\ta\theart.\u201d\tA\tself-serving\theart,\tbut\ta\theart\tnonetheless. A\twedding-planner-type\tperson\tindicates\tto\tMindy\tand\tshe\twaves. \u201cHis\t heart\t is\t all\t yours,\u201d\t Mindy\t says\t and\t pats\t my\t arm.\t \u201cI\u2019ll\t be\t tossing\t the bouquet\tnow.\tI\u2019ll\taim\tright\tfor\tyou.\u201d She\tweaves\tthrough\ther\tguests,\tas\tpoised\tand\tgorgeous\tas\tI\u2019ll\tnever\tbe. Arms\t slide\t around\t me\t from\t behind.\t A\t kiss\t on\t the\t back\t of\t my\t neck,\t diluted by\tmy\thair.\tThe\teffect\tis\tstill\tso\tpotent\tI\thave\tto\tgulp.\tThe\tDJ\thas\tbegun\tcalling the\t single\t ladies\t onto\t the\t dance\t floor.\t The\t freak-out\t is\t building\t in\t my\t gut.\t My palms\tsweat.\tI\tneed\tto\tget\tout. \u201cHi.\tWhere\u2019s\tall\tyour\tnew\tfriends?\u201d\tHe\tbegins\tto\tpush\tme\tinto\tthe\tgrowing group\tof\tcontenders. \u201cNo,\tJosh.\tI\tcan\u2019t.\u201d People\t are\t watching\t us.\t I\u2019m\t on\t the\t knife-edge\t of\t needing\t to\t make\t a\t scene but\t knowing\t I\t can\u2019t.\t The\t tears\t and\t panic\t are\t welling\t up\t inside\t me.\t Usually perceptive,\the\tdoesn\u2019t\tsee\tthem\tthis\ttime. \u201cWhere\u2019s\tyour\tcompetitive\tspirit?\u201d\tJosh\tgives\tme\tone\tlast\tfirm\tpush\tand\tI\u2019m","propelled\tinto\ta\tragtag\tbunch\tof\tfemales,\tranging\tfrom\ta\tlisping\tflower\tgirl\tto\ta woman\tin\ther\tearly\tfifties\twho\tseems\tto\tbe\tdoing\thamstring\tstretches.\tEveryone looks\tat\tthe\tbouquet.\tIt\u2019s\tlovely.\tWe\tall\twant\tit. I\t see\t Josh\u2019s\t mom\t on\t the\t sidelines.\t She\t smiles\t at\t me,\t and\t then\t it\t fades, concern\tfilling\ther\teyes.\tWho\tknows\twhat\tmy\tface\tlooks\tlike.\tMindy\tcatches\tmy eye\tand\tI\tcan\tsee\ther\tgenuine\tregret\tthat\tshe\thas\tupset\tme.\tJosh\trepositions\tfor\ta better\t view\t and\t he\t and\t his\t mother\t swap\t glances.\t She\t gestures\t to\t him,\t he\t bends his\thead\tand\tshe\ttells\thim\tsomething.\tHe\tlooks\tat\tme\tsharply. It\u2019s\tall\ttoo\tmuch. \u201cHere\t we\t go!\u201d\t Mindy\t turns\t her\t back\t on\t us\t and\t mimes\t doing\t some\t practice swings.\tThe\tbouquet\tis\ta\tpink-lily\tconfection. I\t hardly\t register\t the\t slap\t of\t the\t flowers\t against\t my\t chest.\t They\t drop\t down into\t the\t waiting\t arms\t of\t the\t flower\t girl,\t who\t screams\t in\t delight.\t The\t entire audience\t is\t shaking\t their\t heads\t and\t laughing\t at\t my\t lack\t of\t coordination. Everyone\tturns\tto\tthe\tperson\tnext\tto\tthem\tand\tsays,\tShe\tcould\thave\tcaught\tthat. I\u2019m\tso\tdisappointed\tin\tnot\tcatching\tthem\tthe\tfreak-out\tis\ttriggered\tin\tfull. I\tpolitely\tlaugh\tand\tmanage\tto\twalk\tslowly\tfrom\tthe\tother\tend\tof\tthe\tdance floor,\tweaving\tthrough\tthe\tspectators.\tNow\tI\u2019m\trunning.\tI\tneed\tto\tget\tout\tof\tthis room.\tI\tknow\the\u2019ll\tbe\tcoming\tafter\tme,\tso\tinstead\tof\tchoosing\tthe\tmost\tobvious sanctuary\u2014the\t ladies\t room\u2014I\t go\t down\t the\t waitstaff\t passageway\t and\t find myself\tin\tthe\tgarden\tbeside\tthe\thotel. A\t few\t boys\t in\t white\t shirts\t and\t ties\t are\t smoking\t and\t fiddling\t with\t their\t cell phones.\t They\t look\t at\t me\t with\t bored\t expressions.\t I\t pick\t up\t my\t pace\t until\t I\u2019m trotting,\t running,\t the\t spikes\t of\t my\t heels\t barely\t touching\t the\t ground.\t I\t want\t to run\t until\t I\t reach\t the\t water.\t I\t want\t to\t leap\t into\t a\t rowboat\t and\t sail\t to\t a\t deserted island. Only\tthen\twill\tI\tbe\table\tto\tface\tup\tto\tit. I\t have\t feelings\t for\t Joshua\t Templeman.\t Irreversible,\t stupid,\t and\t ill-advised feelings.\tWhy\telse\twould\tthis\thurt\tso\tmuch?\tWhy\tdid\teverything\tin\tme\tache\tto wrap\tmy\tarms\taround\tthe\twedding\tbouquet\tand\tsee\thim\tsmile?\tI\tdither\talong\tthe water\u2019s\tedge. The\t footsteps\t approaching\t come\t too\t fast.\t I\t bite\t back\t a\t swell\t of\t impatience and\topen\tmy\tmouth\tto\tgive\thim\ta\tpiece\tof\tmy\tmind. Then\tI\tsee\tit\u2019s\tJoshua\u2019s\tmother.","Chapter\t24 Oh,\thi,\u201d\tI\tmanage\tto\tsay.\t\u201cJust\t.\t.\t.\tgetting\tsome\tair.\u201d Elaine\tlooks\tat\tme,\tand\topens\ther\tpurse\tand\tfinds\ther\tpack\tof\tKleenex.\tI\u2019m confused\tby\tit\tuntil\tI\tpress\tit\tto\tmy\teye\tand\tit\tcomes\taway\twet. We\tstand,\tlooking\tat\tthe\twater\tglittering\tdarkly\tunder\tthe\tfading\tsunset\tsky. I\u2019m\t too\t upset\t to\t comprehend\t I\u2019m\t about\t to\t unload\t to\t his\t mother.\t Any sympathetic\tear\tat\tthis\tpoint\twill\tdo\tme.\tIt\u2019s\tnot\tlike\tI\u2019ll\tever\tsee\ther\tagain. \u201cHe\tnever\ttold\tme\tabout\tMindy.\u201d She\t is\t aggrieved,\t and\t frowns\t back\t across\t the\t lawns.\t \u201cHe\t should\t have.\t You shouldn\u2019t\thave\tfound\tout\tthis\tway.\u201d \u201cIt\t all\t makes\t so\t much\t sense.\t I\t can\u2019t\t believe\t I\u2019ve\t been\t so\t stupid.\t The\t way he\u2019s\tbeen\tacting\thas\tbeen\tpretty\tunbelievable.\u201d \u201cLike\the\u2019s\tin\tlove\twith\tyou.\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d\tMy\tvoice\tbreaks\ta\tlittle.\t\u201cHe\ttold\tme\tonce\the\u2019s\ta\tgood\tactor.\tI\tcan\u2019t believe\tthis.\u201d She\tsays\tnothing\tand\tputs\ther\thand\ton\tmy\tshoulder.\tEvery\tsingle\tglimmer\tof foolish\thope\tfeels\textinguished\tin\tthis\tmoment. \u201cI\tdon\u2019t\tthink\the\thas\tbeen\tplaying\ta\tgame.\u201d\tElaine\u2019s\tmouth\ttwists. The\tword\tgame\tonly\tcrystallizes\tfurther\tthe\thurt\tin\tmy\tgut. \u201cOh,\tI\u2019m\tsorry,\tbut\tyou\thave\tno\tidea\thow\tgood\tat\tgames\the\tis.\tEvery\tday\tof our\tworking\trelationship,\tMonday\tto\tFriday.\tThis\thas\tgot\tto\tbe\tthe\tfirst\ttime\the\u2019s played\tme\ton\tthe\tweekend,\tthough.\u201d Elaine\tlooks\tpast\tme,\tand\tI\tcan\tsee\tJosh\u2019s\tsilhouette\tpacing\talong\tthe\tside\tof the\tbuilding\tin\tagitation.\tShe\tshakes\ther\thead\tand\the\tstops. \u201cWhy\tdid\tyou\tcome\ttoday?\u201d\tShe\tis\tgenuinely\tcurious. \u201cI\t owed\t him\t a\t favor.\t He\t told\t me\t I\t was\t coming\t along\t for\t moral\t support.\t I didn\u2019t\tknow\twhy,\tbut\tI\tcame\tanyway.\tI\tthought\tit\twas\tsomething\tto\tdo\twith\thim dropping\t out\t of\t medicine.\t And\t now\t I\t find\t out\t his\t ex-girlfriend\t is\t marrying\t his brother?\tI\u2019m\tin\ta\tsoap\topera\tright\tnow.\u201d Elaine\t steadies\t me\t with\t a\t hand\t on\t my\t elbow.\t When\t she\t speaks,\t she\u2019s\t got\t a","fond\tsmile\tteasing\tat\tthe\tedge\tof\ther\tlips. \u201cI\tspeak\tto\thim\ton\tSundays,\tand\tI\u2019ve\tknown\tyou\tfor\tas\tlong\tas\the\u2019s\tknown you.\t A\t beautiful\t girl,\t bluest\t eyes,\t reddest\t lips,\t blackest\t hair.\t He\t describes\t you like\ta\tfairy-tale\tcharacter.\tHe\u2019s\tnever\tquite\tdecided\ton\tprincess\tor\tvillain.\u201d I\t put\t my\t hands\t into\t my\t hair\t and\t make\t two\t fists.\t \u201cVillain.\t I\t feel\t like\t the world\u2019s\t biggest\t idiot\t to\t even\t believe\t for\t one\t day\t he\t could\t be\t so\t .\t .\t .\u201d\t I\t can\u2019t finish. \u201cYou\u2019re\t the\t girl\t he\t calls\t Shortcake.\t When\t I\t first\t heard\t your\t nickname,\t I knew.\tI\twill\ttell\tyou\tnow,\the\u2019s\tnever\tlooked\tat\tanyone\tthe\tway\the\tlooks\tat\tyou.\u201d I\tam\tstarting\tto\tfeel\tirritated\twith\tthis\tlovely\twoman.\tIt\u2019s\tpretty\tclear\tshe\u2019s\tso biased\t I\t can\t no\t longer\t use\t her\t as\t a\t sounding\t board.\t She\t cannot\t believe\t her\t son would\tdo\tanything\tso\thurtful.\tI\topen\tmy\tmouth\tbut\tshe\tsilences\tme\tfirmly. \u201cHe\t dated\t Mindy.\t I\u2019m\t so\t glad\t to\t have\t her\t for\t a\t daughter-in-law.\t Sweet\t as pie.\tCinderella\thasn\u2019t\tgot\tanything\ton\tMindy.\u201d \u201cShe\u2019s\tlovely.\tShe\u2019s\tnot\tmy\tissue.\u201d \u201cBut\t she\t never\t challenged\t Josh.\t You\t have\t since\t the\t first\t day\t you\t met\t him. You\tmake\thim\tangry.\tYou\u2019ve\tnever\tbeen\tscared\tof\thim.\tYou\u2019ve\ttaken\tthe\ttime to\t try\t to\t understand\t him,\t just\t to\t get\t the\t upper\t hand\t in\t your\t little\t office skirmishes.\tYou\tnotice\thim.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve\ttried\tnot\tto.\u201d \u201cNeither\t Josh\t nor\t his\t father\t are\t easy\t men.\t Some\t men\t are\t a\t delight.\t Patrick, for\texample.\tReasonable,\tcalm,\tready\twith\ta\tsmile.\tJosh\thas\ta\tnickname\tfor\thim, too.\tMr.\tNice\tGuy.\tIt\u2019s\ttrue.\tHe\tis.\tIt\ttakes\ta\tstrong\twoman\tto\tlove\tsomeone\tlike Josh,\t and\t I\t think\t it\u2019s\t you.\t Patrick\u2019s\t an\t open\t book.\t Josh\t is\t a\t safety-deposit\t box. But\the\u2019s\tworth\tit.\tYou\twon\u2019t\tbelieve\tme,\tand\tI\tcan\u2019t\tblame\tyou\ttonight,\tbut\tso\tis his\tfather.\u201d Elaine\twaves\tJosh\tover\tand\the\tbegins\tstriding\ttoward\tus. \u201cPlease\t go\t easy\t on\t him.\t You\t could\t have\t caught\t the\t bouquet,\u201d\t she admonishes\tme.\t\u201cIf\tyou\u2019d\tput\tyour\tarms\tout\ta\tlittle.\u201d \u201cI\tcouldn\u2019t.\u201d She\tkisses\tmy\tcheek\tand\thugs\tme\twith\tsuch\tkind\tfamiliarity\tI\tclose\tmy\teyes. \u201cYou\twill\tone\tday.\tIf\tyou\tdecide\tto\tstay,\twe\u2019re\thaving\ta\tfamily\tbreakfast\tat ten\tA.M.\tin\tthe\trestaurant.\tI\u2019d\treally\tlove\tto\tsee\tyou\tboth.\u201d\tShe\twalks\tback\tdown the\tpath,\twhere\tshe\tintercepts\tJosh. They\tbegin\turgently\tconferring.\tGreat.\tShe\u2019s\tgiving\tthe\tenemy\ta\twarning\tof what\the\u2019s\tin\tfor.\tI\tam\tso\ttired\tof\tbeing\tin\tthis\tplace,\tby\tthis\twater,\tunder\tthis\tsky. I\t go\t and\t sit\t on\t a\t low\t concrete\t bench\t and\t try\t to\t cram\t my\t heart\t back\t into\t my","chest.\tEven\this\tmother\tthought\tJosh\twas\tin\tlove. \u201cYou\tfound\tout\tabout\tthe\tMindy\tthing.\u201d\tIn\tthe\ttwenty\tyards\tit\ttook\tfor\thim to\tget\tto\tme,\the\u2019s\tno\tdoubt\tframed\this\targument. \u201cYep.\tWell\tdone.\tYou\tsure\tfooled\tme.\u201d \u201cFooled\tyou?\u201d\tHe\tsits\tbeside\tme\tand\treaches\tfor\tmy\thand\tbut\tI\tpull\taway. \u201cCut\tthe\tshit.\tI\tknow\tyou\u2019ve\tbeen\tparading\tme\taround\tin\tfront\tof\tMindy\tand her\tfamily.\tMaybe\tyou\tshould\thave\thired\tsomeone\tbetter\tlooking\tthan\tme.\u201d \u201cDo\t you\t seriously\t believe\t that\u2019s\t why\t you\u2019re\t here?\u201d\t He\t has\t the\t audacity\t to look\tshaken. \u201cImagine\tbeing\tin\tmy\tposition.\tI\ttake\tyou\tto\tmy\tex-boyfriend\u2019s\twedding\tand I\u2019m\tall\tover\tyou\tlike\ta\trash.\tI\tmake\tyou\tfeel\tspecial.\tImportant.\tI\tmake\tyou\tfeel beautiful.\u201d There\u2019s\t a\t tremor\t in\t my\t voice.\t \u201cAnd\t then\t you\t find\t out,\t and\t suddenly\t you\u2019re left\twondering\tif\tit\twas\treal.\u201d \u201cYou\tbeing\there\thas\tnothing\tto\tdo\twith\tMindy.\tAt\tall.\u201d \u201cBut\tshe\u2019s\tthe\tTall\tBlondie\tyou\tbroke\tup\twith\tafter\tthe\tmerger,\tright?\tShe\u2019s the\t one\t we\t talked\t about\t in\t bed\t this\t morning.\t Your\t big\t old\t heartbreak.\t Why didn\u2019t\tyou\tjust\ttell\tme\tthis\tmorning?\u201d\tI\tput\tmy\thands\tover\tmy\tface\tand\tlean\tmy elbows\ton\tmy\tknees. Josh\tturns\tsideways\tin\this\tseat.\t\u201cWe\twere\tin\tbed,\tand\tyou\twere\tjust\tstarting to\tlook\tat\tme\tlike\tyou\tdidn\u2019t\thate\tme.\tAnd\tshe\u2019s\tnot\tmy\theartbreak.\u201d I\tcut\thim\toff.\t\u201cI\tcould\thandle\tbeing\ta\trent-a-date,\tbut\tyou\treally\tshould\thave been\t clear\t with\t me\t up\t front.\t That\t was\t a\t dick\t move,\t and\t frankly,\t I\u2019m\t mad\t at myself\tfor\tnot\texpecting\tyou\u2019d\tdo\tsomething\tlike\tthis.\u201d Josh\u2019s\t urgency\t is\t growing.\t He\t puts\t his\t hand\t on\t my\t shoulder\t and\t turns\t me gently\ttoward\thim.\tWe\tstare\tinto\teach\tother\u2019s\teyes. \u201cI\t wanted\t you\t here\t because\t I\t always\t want\t you\t with\t me.\t I\t don\u2019t\t care\t that she\u2019s\t just\t married\t Patrick.\t It\u2019s\t ancient\t history\t to\t me.\t How\t could\t I\t tell\t you\t this morning,\tand\truin\tthe\tmoment?\tI\tknew\thow\tyou\u2019d\treact.\tJust\tlike\tthis.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re\t damn\t right\t I\u2019m\t reacting\t like\t this.\u201d\t Like\t a\t teary\t fire-breathing dragon.\t\u201cDidn\u2019t\tI\tspecifically\task\tyou\tif\tthere\twas\tany\ttouchy\tsubject\tI\tneeded\tto know\t about,\t so\t I\u2019d\t be\t forewarned?\t You\t could\t have\t told\t me\t back\t in\t the\t office. Days\tago.\tNot\tnow.\u201d \u201cYou\twould\tnever\thave\tagreed\tto\tcome\tunder\tthose\tcircumstances,\thad\tyou known.\tYou\twould\thave\trefused\tto\tbelieve\tthis\tweekend\tcould\tbe\tanything\tmore than\tan\tact.\tWhatever\tyour\treaction,\tit\twouldn\u2019t\thave\tbeen\tgood.\u201d I\t grudgingly\t admit\t to\t myself\t that\t he\u2019s\t probably\t right.\t Even\t if\t he\t had","managed\t to\t get\t me\t to\t come,\t I\t probably\t would\t have\t invented\t a\t character\t and\t I definitely\twould\thave\tworn\tfalse\teyelashes. He\t touches\t a\t fingertip\t to\t my\t wrist.\t \u201cI\u2019ve\t had\t my\t focus\t on\t other\t things, believe\t it\t or\t not.\t Mom\u2019s\t flower\t arrangements.\t Dad\u2019s\t mood.\t Your\t blood\t sugar. Telling\tyou\tabout\tthis\tjust\tfaded\taway\tto\tthe\tedges.\u201d\tHe\tlooks\tacross\tthe\twater and\t pulls\t his\t tie\t loose.\t \u201cMindy\t is\t a\t nice\t person.\t But\t I\t didn\u2019t\t bring\t you\t here\t to show\ther\thow\twell\tI\u2019ve\tmoved\ton.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tcare\twhat\tshe\tthinks.\u201d \u201cI\t don\u2019t\t believe\t you\t can\t be\t so\t cool\t about\t this\t situation.\u201d\t I\t can\u2019t\t detect\t any emotion\t in\t his\t eyes\t at\t all\t as\t he\t casts\t his\t eyes\t back\t across\t the\t water, contemplating. \u201cShe\t was\t never\t going\t to\t be\t my\t wife,\t put\t it\t that\t way.\t We\t were\t wrong\t for each\tother.\u201d Hearing\t his\t voice\t say\t my\t wife\t makes\t me\t go\t too\t still.\t Eyes\t frozen\t and unblinking.\t Pupils\t dilated\t to\t black\t coins.\t Terror\t and\t panic\t and\t possession torches\t my\t throat\t dry.\t I\t don\u2019t\t want\t to\t examine\t why\t I\t feel\t this\t way.\t I\u2019d\t rather jump\tin\tthe\twater\tand\tstart\tswimming. He\tlooks\tat\tme\tsideways,\this\tface\ttense.\t\u201cNow\tthat\tI\u2019ve\tpromised\tthat\tyou\u2019re not\there\tas\tsome\tpart\tof\tan\telaborate\trevenge\tscenario,\tcan\tyou\ttell\tme\tthe\treal reason\t this\t bothers\t you\t so\t much?\t Other\t than\t my\t lie\t by\t omission,\t and\t people staring\tat\tus?\tPeople\tthat\tyou\tnever\thave\tto\tsee\tagain?\u201d This\tis\tskating\tway\ttoo\tclose\tto\tmy\ttangled-up\tnew\tfeelings.\tI\ttry\tfor\tseveral long\tmoments\tto\tcome\tup\twith\tan\tanswer\tthat\tsounds\teven\thalfway\tcredible,\tbut when\tI\tcan\u2019t\tI\tget\tto\tmy\tfeet\tand\twalk\tso\tfast\tback\tto\tthe\thotel\the\thas\tto\tlengthen his\tstride\tto\tkeep\tup. \u201cWait.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\t getting\t a\t bus\t home.\u201d\t I\t try\t to\t close\t the\t elevator\t door\t on\t him\t but\t he shoulders\tin\teasily.\tI\tpress\tthe\tbutton\tfor\tour\tfloor\tand\tdig\tfor\tmy\tphone\tto\tlook up\t a\t bus\t schedule.\t I\t have\t no\t idea\t what\t time\t it\t is.\t I\t have\t several\t missed\t calls. Josh\ttries\tto\tspeak\tbut\tI\tput\tmy\thand\tup\tuntil\the\tcrosses\this\tarms,\texasperated. I\tclick\tthrough\tthem\tdistractedly;\tDanny\thas\tbeen\ttrying\tto\tget\tahold\tof\tme\ta couple\t of\t times\t throughout\t the\t afternoon.\t I\t have\t a\t few\t texts\t along\t the\t lines\t of, Do\tyou\thave\ta\tfont\tpreference?\t.\t.\t.\tI\u2019ll\tchoose\tthen\t.\t.\t.\tCould\tyou\tcall\tme\tback when\tyou\tcan? The\televator\tbings. Josh\tlooks\tlike\the\u2019s\tone\tsecond\taway\tfrom\tgoing\tstark-raving\tinsane.\tI\tknow the\tfeeling. \u201cLeave\t me\t alone,\u201d\t I\t tell\t him\t with\t as\t much\t dignity\t as\t I\t can\t and\t walk\t to\t the","far\t end\t of\t the\t corridor,\t where\t a\t pair\t of\t armchairs\t are\t arranged\t beside\t a\t bay window.\t During\t the\t day,\t this\t would\t be\t a\t nice\t spot\t to\t sit\t with\t a\t book.\t In\t the evening,\t as\t the\t last\t peach\t glows\t of\t sun\t leave\t the\t sky,\t it\u2019s\t the\t perfect\t place\t to fume. I\t sit\t down\t and\t dial\t a\t local\t bus\t company.\t A\t late-night\t express\t is\t leaving\t at seven\tfifteen,\tand\tthey\tare\talready\tstopping\tby\tthe\thotel\tto\tpick\tup\tsomeone\telse. The\tgods\tare\tsmiling\tupon\tme. Going\tback\tto\tthe\troom\twill\tmean\thaving\tto\tfinish\tthings\twith\tJosh,\tand\tI\tam burned-out.\tA\thusk.\tI\thave\tnothing\tleft.\tI\tneed\tto\tprocrastinate. Danny\tanswers\ton\tthe\tsecond\tring. \u201cHi,\u201d\t he\t says,\t tone\t a\t little\t stiff.\t Nothing\t more\t annoying\t than\t an uncontactable\tclient,\tI\timagine.\tEspecially\tone\tyou\u2019re\tdoing\ta\tfavor\tfor. \u201cHi,\tsorry\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\tout\tof\ttouch.\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\tat\ta\twedding\tand\tmy\tphone\tis\ton silent.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\tokay.\tI\tjust\tfinished.\u201d \u201cThank\tyou\tso\tmuch.\tDid\tit\tall\tgo\tokay?\u201d \u201cYep,\t for\t the\t most\t part.\t I\u2019m\t at\t home\t now\t checking\t it\t on\t my\t iPad,\t flipping through\tthe\tpages.\tThe\tformatting\tlooks\tgood.\tWhose\twedding\tis\tit?\u201d \u201cThe\tbrother\tof\ta\tcomplete\tasshole.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re\twith\tJoshua.\u201d \u201cHow\u2019d\tyou\tguess?\u201d \u201cI\t had\t a\t feeling.\u201d\t He\t laughs.\t \u201cDon\u2019t\t worry.\t Your\t secrets\t are\t all\t safe\t with me.\u201d \u201cI\t hope\t so.\u201d\t I\t couldn\u2019t\t care\t less\t at\t this\t point.\t It\t would\t serve\t me\t right\t to\t be humiliated\tin\tthe\thalls\tof\tB&G. \u201cWhen\tare\tyou\tback?\tI\u2019d\tlike\tto\tshow\tyou\tthe\tfinal\tproduct.\u201d \u201cTomorrow\t at\t some\t point.\t I\u2019ll\t call\t you\t when\t I\u2019m\t back\t in\t town\t and\t I\t can meet\tyou.\u201d \u201cIf\t you\t come\t over\t on\t Monday\t evening\t it\t would\t work\t for\t me.\t I\u2019ve\t kept\t the spreadsheet\tthat\tyou\twanted.\tIt\tbreaks\tdown\tthe\ttime\tit\ttook,\talong\twith\twhat\tI think\t costs\t would\t be\t by\t a\t designer\t in\t a\t usual\t commercial\t setting,\t but\t also\t a salaried\tstaff\tmember.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\timpressed.\tMaybe\tI\tshould\tbring\tyou\ta\tthank-you\tpizza.\u201d \u201cYes,\tplease.\u201d\tDanny\u2019s\tvoice\tdrops\ta\tcheeky\thalf\toctave.\t\u201cSo,\twhat\tdid\tyou wear\tto\tthis\twedding?\u201d \u201cA\t blue\t dress?\u201d\t I\t see\t Josh\u2019s\t reflection\t over\t me\t in\t the\t window\t and\t jump\t in fright.\tHe\ttakes\tthe\tphone\tout\tof\tmy\thand\tand\tlooks\tat\tthe\tcaller\tID.","\u201cIt\u2019s\t Joshua.\t Don\u2019t\t call\t her\t again.\t Yes,\t I\u2019m\t serious.\u201d\t He\t hangs\t it\t up\t and slides\tit\tinto\this\tpocket. \u201cHey.\tGive\tit\tback.\u201d \u201cNo\t fucking\t chance.\t He\u2019s\t who\t you\t had\t to\t sneak\t off\t and\t call?\u201d\t The\t look\t in his\teyes\tis\tgetting\tsharper,\tblacker. \u201cIt\u2019s\twork\trelated!\u201d He\ttugs\ton\tmy\thands\tto\tmake\tme\tstand\tup.\tA\tdoor\topens\tnear\tus,\ttoo\tclose to\tother\trooms\tto\tindulge\tin\tone\tof\tour\tsignature\tyelling\tmatches.\tWe\tboth\tpurse our\tlips\tand\tmarch\tinto\tour\troom.\tI\ttry\tnot\tto\tslam\tthe\tdoor. \u201cWell?\u201d\tJosh\tcrosses\this\tarms. \u201cIt\twas\twork\trelated.\u201d \u201cSure.\t A\t work-related\t call.\t Dinner?\t What\t are\t you\t wearing?\u201d\t He\t skates narrowed\t eyes\t over\t me,\t like\t he\u2019s\t contemplating\t ripping\t the\t skin\t right\t off\t me.\t I can\t relate.\t I\t want\t to\t punch\t him\t in\t the\t face.\t Energy\t and\t anger\t is\t making\t the\t air almost\t sulfuric.\t The\t thing\t about\t Joshua\t is,\t even\t when\t he\u2019s\t furious,\t he\u2019s\t still exquisite\tto\tlook\tat.\tMaybe\teven\tmore\tso\tthan\tusual.\tHe\u2019s\tall\tglittery\tblack\teyes and\tan\tangry\ttensing\tjaw.\tMessed-up\thair\tand\ta\thand\ton\this\thip,\tpulling\this\tblue shirt\ttight.\tIt\tmakes\tbeing\tangry\tback\twith\thim\tjust\tthat\tlittle\tbit\tharder,\tbecause I\t have\t to\t try\t to\t not\t notice.\t It\u2019s\t an\t unachievable\t endeavor\t that\t I\t have\t always struggled\twith,\tas\tlong\tas\tI\u2019ve\tknown\thim.\tBut\tstill,\tI\tpersevere. \u201cYou\u2019ve\t got\t no\t right\t to\t lecture\t me.\t I\t knew\t this\t was\t a\t disaster\t the\t second\t I got\tinto\tyour\tcar.\u201d\tI\tkick\toff\tboth\tmy\tshoes\tacross\tthe\troom.\t\u201cI\u2019m\tleaving\tsoon. There\u2019s\ta\tbus.\u201d\tI\tgrab\tat\tmy\tbag\tand\the\tstops\tme\twith\ta\traised\thand. \u201cIn\t between\t Danny\t and\t Mindy,\t we\u2019ve\t kind\t of\t had\t our\t fair\t share\t of\t jealous revelations\ttoday,\tdon\u2019t\tyou\tthink?\tI\u2019m\tgoing\tto\tcrack\tif\tyou\tdon\u2019t\tjust\tlisten\tto me\tfor\tonce.\u201d\tHe\twrenches\tout\this\tcuff\tlinks\tand\ttosses\tthem\ton\tthe\tdresser\tand shoves\tup\this\tsleeves,\tmuttering\tto\thimself.\t\u201cLittle\tfucking\tasshole.\tWhat\tis\tshe wearing?\tThat\tguy\thas\ta\tfucking\tdeath\twish.\u201d The\texpression\ton\this\tface\tmakes\tme\twonder\tif\tI\u2019ve\tgot\ta\tdeath\twish\ttoo.\tI try\t to\t position\t myself\t behind\t the\t armchair,\t just\t to\t give\t myself\t the\t illusion\t of space,\tbut\the\tpoints\tbetween\this\tleather\tshoes. \u201cDon\u2019t\thide.\tGet\tover\there.\u201d \u201cThis\t better\t be\t good.\u201d\t I\t cross\t the\t room\t to\t stand\t in\t front\t of\t him\t and\t put\t my hands\ton\tmy\thips,\tjust\tto\tpuff\tmyself\tup.\tHe\ttakes\ta\tfew\tlong\tmoments\tto\tdecide how\tto\tproceed. \u201cTwo\t simple\t issues\t first.\t Danny\t and\t Mindy.\u201d\t He\t looks\t like\t he\u2019s\t taking control\tof\ta\tboard\tmeeting.\tHe\tpractically\thas\ta\tpresentation\tslide\tbehind\thim.","\u201cDo\t you\t care\t about\t Danny?\t Could\t you\t love\t him\t one\t day?\u201d\t Those\t eyes belong\tto\tthe\tking\tof\tthe\tserial\tkillers. \u201cI\t called\t Danny\t about\t something\t for\t work.\t Something\t to\t do\t with\t my interview.\tYou\talready\tknow\tthis!\tForgive\tme\tfor\tnot\twanting\tto\tspill\tmy\tsecrets to\tthe\tperson\tI\u2019m\tcompeting\tagainst.\u201d \u201cAnswer\tmy\tquestion.\u201d \u201cNo,\tand\tno.\tHe\u2019s\thelping\tme\twith\tsomething\tI\u2019m\tusing\tin\tmy\tpresentation. It\u2019s\t a\t design\t job,\t and\t he\u2019s\t a\t freelancer\t now.\t He\u2019s\t doing\t me\t a\t massive\t favor, working\tover\tthe\tweekend.\tBut\tI\tcouldn\u2019t\tcare\tless\tif\tI\tnever\tsaw\thim\tagain.\u201d His\t insane\t eyes\t dial\t down\t a\t few\t notches.\t \u201cWell,\t I\t couldn\u2019t\t care\t less\t about Mindy.\tIt\u2019s\twhy\tshe\tleft\tme\tfor\tmy\tbrother.\u201d \u201cYou\t could\t have\t told\t me.\t Back\t in\t your\t apartment,\t on\t your\t couch.\t I\t would have\ttried\tto\tunderstand.\tWe\twere\talmost\tfriends\tthen.\u201d\tI\trealize\tsomething\telse that\u2019s\tbothering\tme.\tHe\tdidn\u2019t\ttrust\tme\twith\tthis. \u201cI\tfinally\thave\tyou\tcoming\tover\tto\tsit\ton\tmy\tcouch\tand\tyou\tthink\tI\u2019m\tgoing to\t tell\t you\t about\t how\t I\t was\t such\t a\t terrible\t boyfriend\t she\t ended\t up\t with\t my brother?\t It\u2019s\t not\t really\t a\t glowing\t endorsement\t of\t my\t character.\t Gee,\t wouldn\u2019t you\twant\tto\tstick\taround\tafter\thearing\tthat?\u201d\tI\tcan\tspot\tthe\tfaint\twash\tof\tdarker color\ton\this\tcheekbones.\tHe\u2019s\tembarrassed\tas\thell. \u201cWhy\t am\t I\t even\t here?\t Moral\t support,\t remember?\u201d\t I\t watch\t him\t try\t and\t fail several\ttimes\tto\tstart. \u201cIf\t anyone\t has\t broken\t my\t heart,\t it\t wasn\u2019t\t Mindy.\t It\t was\t my\t dad.\u201d\t He\t puts his\t hand\t over\t his\t face.\t \u201cYou\t were\t always\t right\t about\t why\t I\t needed\t moral support.\t No\t big\t conspiracy.\t It\u2019s\t medicine.\t Me\t quitting,\t failing,\t disappointing. You\u2019re\there\tbecause\tI\u2019m\tscared\tof\tmy\town\tfucking\tdad.\u201d \u201cWhat\tdid\tyour\tdad\tdo?\u201d\tI\tcan\tbarely\task\tit.\tWhen\tI\tthink\tof\tdads,\tI\tthink\tof my\town.\tA\tbig,\tfunny\tsonic\tboom\tsince\tI\twas\ta\tkid,\talways\tsurprising\tme\twith Smurfs\tand\tbeard-burn\tcheek\tkisses.\tI\tknow\tthere\tare\tbad\tdads.\tWhen\tI\tsee\tthe look\ton\tJosh\u2019s\tface,\tI\twish\tto\tgod\the\tdidn\u2019t\thave\tone. \u201cHe\u2019s\tignored\tme\tmy\tentire\tlife.\u201d It\tsounds\tlike\tthe\tfirst\ttime\the\u2019s\tspoken\tthose\twords.\tHe\tlooks\tat\tthe\tground, miserable.\t I\t creep\t closer\t to\t him.\t Another\t weird\t kaleidoscopic\t twist?\t His\t hurt makes\tmy\town\theart\thurt. \u201cHas\the\thit\tyou?\tHas\the\tforced\tyou\tinto\tmedicine?\u201d Josh\t shrugs.\t \u201cThe\t British\t royal\t family\t have\t an\t expression.\t The\t heir\t and\t the spare.\tI\u2019m\tthe\tspare.\tPatrick\twas\tfirstborn.\tDad\u2019s\tnot\tone\tof\tthose\tpeople\twho\u2019s willing\t to\t dilute\t his\t efforts,\t if\t you\t know\t what\t I\t mean.\t They\t were\t only\t ever","planning\ton\thaving\tone\tkid\ttoo.\tI\twas\ta\tsurprise.\u201d \u201cYou\t would\t have\t been\t wanted.\u201d\t I\t have\t his\t crumpled\t cuff\t in\t my\t hand\t now, and\t I\t give\t him\t an\t awkward\t little\t shake.\t \u201cLook\t at\t how\t much\t your\t mom\t loves you.\u201d \u201cBut\t to\t Dad,\t I\t was\t not\t in\t the\t plan.\t Patrick\t has\t always\t been\t his\t focus,\t and look\twhere\the\tis\tnow.\tThe\tbest\tson,\teffectively\tthe\tonly\tson,\tmaking\tDad\tproud on\this\twedding\tday.\u201d He\twon\u2019t\tmeet\tmy\teyes.\tWe\u2019re\tmining\tsome\told,\tdeep,\tpainful\tterritory\there. \u201cNothing\tI\tdid\trated\ta\tmention.\tDad\twouldn\u2019t\tpay\ta\tcent\ttoward\tmy\ttuition, but\t Mom\t did.\t I\t studied\t my\t ass\t off,\t like\t a\t complete\t sucker\t for\t punishment. Nothing\tpleased\thim.\u201d\tThe\tbitterness\tin\this\tvoice\tsounds\tlike\tit\tis\tchoking\thim. My\tanger\thas\tsteamed\tout\tof\tmy\tpores\tnow\tand\tI\tcan\u2019t\tdo\tanything\tbut\tput my\tarms\taround\thim\tand\thug\tuntil\tmy\tarms\tache. \u201cI\tthought\tif\tI\tcould\tbecome\ta\tdoctor\ttoo,\tmaybe\t.\t.\t.\u201d \u201cHe\u2019d\tnotice\tyou.\u201d\tJust\tlike\this\tmom\tsaid. \u201cAnd\t meanwhile\t perfect,\t golden\t child\t Patrick,\t who\t can\t do\t no\t wrong,\t was making\t it\t look\t easy.\t The\t thing\t about\t Patrick\t is,\t he\u2019s\t so\t nice.\t He\u2019s\t so\t goddamn nice.\t He\u2019ll\t do\t anything\t for\t anyone.\t Even\t get\t up\t in\t the\t middle\t of\t the\t night\t and drive\tover\tto\thelp\tme\twith\tyou.\tMan,\tcan\the\tbe\tany\tnicer?\tIt\tmakes\tit\timpossible for\tme\tto\thate\thim.\tAnd\tI\twant\tto.\tSo\tbad.\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s\t your\t brother.\u201d\t I\t link\t my\t arm\t into\t his.\t \u201cIt\u2019s\t obvious\t he\u2019d\t do\t anything for\tyou.\u201d \u201cThere\u2019s\t a\t perfect\t son,\t and\t then\t there\u2019s\t me.\t I\t may\t as\t well\t be\t the\t best\t at something,\teven\tif\tit\tis\tbeing\tan\tasshole.\tI\u2019ll\tnever\tbe\tnice.\tYou\tneed\tto\timagine what\tit\twas\tlike\tgrowing\tup\twith\ta\tparent\tlike\thim.\tI\u2019ve\thad\tto\tmake\tmyself\tthis way.\u201d I\t think\t of\t him\t stomping\t around\t at\t B&G,\t trying\t to\t hide\t his\t shyness\t and insecurity\tbehind\tthat\tmask. \u201cI\thate\tto\tbreak\tit\tto\tyou\tJosh,\tbut\tunderneath\tit\tall,\tyou\u2019re\tnice\ttoo.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve\t got\t no\t interest\t in\t being\t the\t second\t best\t at\t anything.\t I\u2019m\t never\t being second\tagain.\u201d His\tvoice\tis\tiron-clad\twith\tdetermination.\tI\tthink\tof\tthe\tpromotion,\tand\tsome deep\tpart\tof\tmy\tbrain\tsighs,\tOh\tfuck\tit. \u201cIs\t this\t why\t you\u2019ve\t always\t hated\t me?\t I\u2019m\t so\t nice.\t I\u2019m\t way\t too\t nice\t and you\u2019ve\talways\thated\tit.\u201d\tI\ttug\tthe\tsleeve\tof\tmy\tdress\ta\tlittle\tstraighter. \u201cIt\tkilled\tme\tto\twatch\tyou\ttry\tyour\theart\tout\tfor\tpeople\twho\twere\tusing\tyour kindness.\t It\t made\t me\t want\t to\t stand\t up\t for\t you,\t and\t protect\t you\t from\t it.\t I","couldn\u2019t\t though,\t because\t you\t hated\t me,\t so\t I\t had\t to\t get\t you\t to\t stand\t up\t for yourself.\u201d \u201cAnd\t my\t niceness\t made\t it\t impossible\t to\t hate\t me?\u201d\t Hopefulness\t has rendered\tme\tpathetic. He\tputs\ta\tthumb\tunder\tmy\tchin\tand\ttilts\tmy\tface.\t\u201cYeah.\u201d \u201cWell,\tthis\tis\ta\tsad\tstory.\u201d\tWhen\the\tkisses\tme\ton\tthe\tcheek,\tI\tknow\tit\tis\tan apology,\tand\tI\tsuspect\tthat\tI\u2019ll\tprobably\taccept\tit. \u201cDon\u2019t\tget\tme\twrong.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\thave\tsome\ttraumatic\tchildhood\tor\tanything,\tI always\t had\t a\t roof\t over\t my\t head\t and\t so\t forth.\t And\t my\t mother\t is\t the\t best,\u201d\t he says,\taffection\tin\this\ttone\tnow.\t\u201cI\tcan\u2019t\tcomplain.\u201d \u201cYes\tyou\tcan.\u201d He\tlooks\tat\tme,\tsurprised. \u201cNo\t one\t should\t ever\t be\t ignored,\t or\t made\t to\t feel\t unimportant.\t You\u2019ve achieved\t a\t lot\t of\t things\t in\t your\t career,\t and\t you\t should\t be\t proud\t of\t yourself.\u201d\t I emphasize\t the\t last\t word.\t \u201cYou\t can\t complain\t all\t you\t want.\t I\u2019m\t Team\t Josh, remember?\u201d \u201cAre\t you?\u201d\t I\t hear\t some\t of\t the\t tension\t melt\t out\t of\t him\t a\t little.\t \u201cI\t never thought\t I\u2019d\t hear\t those\t words\t fall\t from\t your\t Flamethrower\t lips.\t Not\t after tonight.\u201d \u201cYou\tand\tme\tboth.\tSo\twhat\thappened\tafter\tyou\tcompleted\tpremed?\u201d \u201cSurely\tyour\tdad\tmust\thave\ttaken\tnotice\tof\tyou\tthen.\u201d \u201cMom\t made\t the\t biggest\t fuss\t ever.\t She\t threw\t a\t party.\t It\t seemed\t like everyone\twho\u2019d\tever\tknown\tme\twas\tinvited.\tIt\twas\tat\tour\thouse\there.\tIt\u2019s\ton\tthe beach.\tI\tsuppose\tit\twas\ta\tgreat\tparty,\tin\tretrospect.\tBut\tDad\twasn\u2019t\tthere.\u201d \u201cHe\t skipped\t it?\u201d\t I\t hug\t him,\t resting\t my\t cheek\t on\t his\t chest.\t I\t feel\t his\t hands slide\tup\tmy\tback,\tlike\the\u2019s\tsoothing\tme. \u201cYeah,\t he\t didn\u2019t\t bother\t to\t swap\t shifts\t at\t the\t hospital\t like\t Mom\t had\t asked him\t to.\t He\t skipped\t it\t entirely.\t When\t Patrick\t completed\t premed\t Dad\t gave\t him our\t grandfather\u2019s\t Rolex.\t For\t me,\t he\t couldn\u2019t\t even\t bother\t turning\t up.\t He\u2019s always\t known\t I\t wasn\u2019t\t cut\t out\t for\t it.\t Watching\t me\t try\t so\t hard\t made\t me pathetic.\u201d \u201cSo\thim\tnot\tturning\tup\tto\tthe\tparty\tmeans\tyou\thaven\u2019t\tspoken\tto\tyour\tfather properly\t for\t five\t years?\t You\u2019ve\t got\t to\t see\t it\u2019s\t hurting\t your\t mom.\t She\u2019s\t got permanently\tsparkly\teyes\tfrom\ttrying\tnot\tto\tcry.\u201d \u201cThat\tnight\tI\tgot\tincredibly\tdrunk.\tI\twas\tsitting\tdown\tthere\tby\tmyself\ton\tthe sand\t by\t the\t water,\t emptying\t this\t bottle\t of\t whiskey\t into\t my\t mouth.\t Alone. Melodramatic.\t Behind\t me\t is\t the\t house,\t filled\t with\t people,\t but\t no\t one\t had","noticed\tthe\tguest\tof\thonor\twas\tgone.\u201d He\tlooks\ta\tlittle\tamused,\tbut\tI\tknow\tunderneath\tit\tis\ta\tdeep\thurt.\tI\tremember looking\tat\thim\tonce\tin\tthe\tteam\tmeeting,\ta\tthousand\tyears\tago,\tand\twondering\tif he\tever\tfelt\tisolated.\tI\tknow\tthe\tanswer\tnow. \u201cSo\tyou\tsat\tout\tthere?\tDrunk?\tWhat\tdid\tyou\tdo?\tGo\tin\tand\tmake\ta\tscene?\u201d \u201cNo,\t but\t I\t realized\t something\t I\u2019d\t worked\t so\t hard\t for\u2014his\t approval\u2014had resulted\tin\tabsolutely\tno\toutcome.\tI\u2019m\tlike\thim,\tmaybe.\tWhy\ttry?\tWhy\tbother?\tI decided\tthen\tand\tthere\tto\tquit\ttrying.\tI\u2019d\tgo\tand\tget\tthe\tfirst\tjob\tI\tcould.\u201d He\t turns\t me\t a\t little\t in\t his\t arms,\t and\t when\t he\t holds\t me\t close\t again,\t he\u2019s rubbing\tmy\tshoulder\tlike\tI\u2019m\tthe\tone\twho\tneeds\tcomfort. \u201cI\tstopped\tmaking\tany\tkind\tof\teffort\tto\tengage\twith\thim,\tand\tit\twas\tlike\tthe biggest\t source\t of\t stress\t in\t my\t life\t was\t removed.\t I\t stopped.\t I\t thought,\t when\t he wants\tto\tbe\ta\tfather\tto\tme,\the\u2019ll\tmake\tthe\tmove.\u201d \u201cAnd\the\thasn\u2019t?\u201d Josh\tkeeps\ttalking\tlike\the\thasn\u2019t\teven\theard\tme. \u201cThe\tthing\tthat\tgets\tme\tis,\twhen\tI\tswitched\tto\tdoing\tan\tMBA\tat\tnight\twhile working\tat\tBexley,\the\twas\tunimpressed.\tLike\the\u2019d\thad\tany\tkind\tof\topinion.\tLike I\t wasn\u2019t\t even\t noticed\t or\t acknowledged\t enough\t to\t disappoint.\t But\t I\t have.\t Over and\tover,\tmy\tentire\tlife.\tMy\tcareer\tis\ta\tjoke\tto\thim.\u201d I\u2019m\t surprised\t by\t how\t angry\t I\u2019m\t getting.\t I\t think\t of\t Anthony,\t his\t face permanently\ttwisted\tinto\ta\tsarcastic\texpression. \u201cHe\u2019s\tlost\tsomething\tspecial\tin\tyou.\tWhy\tis\the\tlike\tthis?\u201d \u201cI\t don\u2019t\t know.\t If\t I\t knew,\t maybe\t I\t could\t change\t it.\t He\u2019s\t just\t been\t that\t way with\tme,\tand\tmost\tpeople.\u201d \u201cBut\tJosh,\tthis\tis\twhat\tI\tdon\u2019t\tget.\tYou\u2019re\tso\toverqualified\tfor\twhat\tyou\tdo at\tB\tand\tG.\u201d \u201cWe\tboth\tare,\u201d\the\ttells\tme. \u201cWhy\tdo\tyou\tstay?\u201d \u201cPrior\t to\t the\t merger,\t I\t nearly\t quit\t every\t day.\t But\t I\t already\t had\t the\t family reputation\tas\ta\tquitter.\u201d \u201cAnd\tpost\tmerger?\u201d He\tlooks\taway,\tand\tI\tsee\tthe\tedge\tof\this\tmouth\tbeginning\tto\tcurl\tin\ta\tsmile. \u201cThe\tjob\thad\ta\tfew\tgood\tthings\tabout\tit.\u201d \u201cYou\tenjoyed\tfighting\twith\tme\ttoo\tmuch.\u201d \u201cYeah,\u201d\the\tadmits. \u201cHow\tdid\tyou\tend\tup\tworking\tat\tBexley,\tanyway?\u201d \u201cI\tapplied\tfor\ttwenty\tjobs\tin\ta\tfit\tof\trage.\tIt\twas\tthe\tfirst\toffer\tI\tgot.\tRichard","Bexley\u2019s\tlowly\tservant.\u201d \u201cYou\t didn\u2019t\t even\t care?\t I\t wanted\t to\t work\t for\t a\t publisher\t so\t badly\t I\t cried when\tI\theard\tI\u2019d\tgot\tthe\tjob.\u201d He\thas\tthe\tgrace\tto\tlook\tguilty.\t\u201cI\tsuppose\tyou\u2019d\tthink\tit\twas\tunfair\tif\tI\tgot the\tpromotion\tnow.\u201d \u201cNo.\t The\t process\t is\t based\t on\t merit.\t But\t Josh,\t you\u2019ve\t got\t to\t know.\t It\u2019s\t my dream.\tB\tand\tG\tis\tmy\tdream.\u201d He\tdoesn\u2019t\tsay\tanything.\tWhat\tcould\the\tsay? \u201cSo\t you\t really\t didn\u2019t\t bring\t me\t along\t to\t show\t Mindy\t you\u2019d\t moved\t on\t with some\thot\tlittle\tdweeb?\u201d I\tknow\this\tface\tbetter\tthan\tmy\town,\tand\tI\tcan\u2019t\tsee\ta\ttrace\tof\ta\tlie.\tWhen\the speaks,\tthere\tis\tnone. \u201cI\t couldn\u2019t\t face\t him\t without\t you.\t I\t am\t an\t embarrassment.\t Dropped\t out\t of med\t school,\t administrative\t job,\t lost\t the\t girl\t to\t my\t brother.\t I\u2019m\t nothing\t to\t him. Mindy\tand\tPatrick\tcan\thave\tten\tchildren\tand\tbe\tmarried\tfor\ta\thundred\tyears\tfor all\tI\tcare.\tGood\tluck\tto\tthem.\u201d I\tlet\tmyself\tsay\tit.\t\u201cOkay.\tI\tbelieve\tyou.\u201d We\tsit\tin\tsilence\tfor\ta\tmoment\tbefore\the\tspeaks\tagain.\t\u201cThe\tworst\tthing\tis,\tI keep\twondering\twhat\tI\u2019d\tbe\tnow\tif\tI\u2019d\tstuck\twith\tmedicine.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve\tgot\t so\tmuch\tinside\tme\tI\thave\t no\tidea\tabout.\tI\u2019m\tlike\tthe\tmayor\tof\t a city\tI\u2019ve\tnever\tseen.\u201d He\tsmiles\tat\tmy\tphrasing.\t\u201cIf\tyou\tknew\tthe\tkind\tof\tlittle\tmiracles\thappening every\tmoment\tyou\tbreathe\tin,\tyou\twouldn\u2019t\tbe\table\tto\thandle\tit.\tA\tvalve\tcould close\t and\t not\t open;\t an\t artery\t could\t split,\t you\t could\t die.\t At\t any\t moment.\t It\u2019s nothing\tbut\tmiracles\tinside\tyour\ttiny\tcity.\u201d\tHe\tpresses\ta\tkiss\tto\tmy\ttemple. \u201cHoly\tshit.\u201d\tI\tclutch\tat\thim. \u201cYou\twouldn\u2019t\tbelieve\tthe\tstats\ton\tpeople\twho\tgo\tto\tbed\tone\tnight\tand\tnever wake\tup.\tNormal,\thealthy\tpeople\twho\taren\u2019t\teven\told.\u201d \u201cWhy\twould\tyou\ttell\tme\tthis?\tIs\tthis\twhat\tyou\tthink\tabout?\u201d There\u2019s\tthe\tlongest\tpause.\t\u201cI\tused\tto.\tNot\tso\tmuch\tanymore.\u201d \u201cI\tthink\tI\tpreferred\tit\twhen\tI\tthought\tI\twas\tfull\tof\twhite\tbones\tand\tred\tgoo. Why\tam\tI\tnow\tthinking\tabout\tdying\ttonight?\u201d \u201cNow\t you\t see\t why\t I\t can\u2019t\t do\t small\t talk.\t Sorry\t Dad\t scared\t you\t about\t the cake.\t He\u2019s\t jealous\t he\t can\u2019t\t let\t himself\t go\t enough\t to\t enjoy\t something.\t I\t don\u2019t think\tI\u2019ve\teaten\tcake\tin\ta\tfew\tyears.\tMan,\tit\twas\tgood.\u201d \u201cFilthy\tlittle\tpigs,\tthe\tpair\tof\tus.\tWant\tto\tgo\tdownstairs\tand\tsee\tif\tthere\u2019s\tany left?\u201d","He\tlooks\tat\tme\twith\tguarded\thope.\t\u201cYou\u2019re\tnot\tleaving?\u201d I\tremember\tmy\tplans\tto\tget\tthe\tbus\thome.\t\u201cNo,\tI\u2019m\tnot\tleaving.\u201d It\u2019s\t helpful\t he\u2019s\t still\t sitting\t on\t the\t dresser.\t It\t means\t when\t I\t step\t closer\t and take\this\tface\tin\tmy\thands,\tI\tcan\treach\thim\twith\tonly\ta\tlittle\ttiptoeing.\tIt\tmeans\tI can\tfeel\tthe\ttingling\tsparks\tjumping\tin\tthe\tair\tbetween\tour\tlips,\this\tsigh\tof\trelief that\ttastes\tsweeter\tthan\tsugar.\tHis\tpulse\tjumps\tunder\tmy\tfingertips.\tIt\u2019s\ta\tpretty convoluted\tgame\twe\u2019ve\tplayed\tto\tmake\tit\tto\tthis\tmoment. It\u2019s\thelpful\the\u2019s\tstill\tsitting\ton\tthe\tdresser,\tbecause\tI\tcan\tpull\this\tlips\tto\tmine.","Chapter\t25 When\t I\t kiss\t him,\t his\t exhalation\t is\t long,\t until\t he\u2019s\t surely\t completely\t empty.\t I want\tto\tfill\thim\tback\tup.\tI\tdon\u2019t\trealize\tit\tuntil\ta\tfew\tminutes\tof\tdreamy,\tmelting minutes\t have\t passed\t that\t I\u2019ve\t been\t talking\t to\t him\t with\t my\t kiss.\t You\t matter. You\u2019re\timportant\tto\tme.\tThis\tmatters. I\tknow\tthat\the\tunderstands,\tbecause\tthere\tis\ta\tfine\ttremor\tin\this\thands\tas\the slides\t one\t fingernail\t up\t the\t side\t seam\t of\t my\t dress,\t across\t my\t shoulders\t to\t my nape.\tHe\ttells\tme\tthings,\ttoo.\tYou\u2019re\twho\tI\twant.\tYou\u2019re\talways\tbeautiful.\tThis really\tmatters. He\t toys\t with\t the\t zipper\t of\t my\t dress\t for\t a\t tiny,\t jingling\t eternity,\t and\t then pulls\t it\t down.\t It\t makes\t a\t sound\t like\t a\t needle\t dragging\t across\t a\t record.\t He deepens\tthe\tkiss,\tand\tI\tpush\tcloser\tin\tbetween\this\tknees,\tand\twild\thorses\tcould not\t drag\t me\t away\t from\t this\t man\t and\t this\t room.\t I\t will\t kiss\t him\t until\t I\t die\t of exhaustion.\t When\t I\t feel\t the\t sharp\t edge\t of\t his\t teeth\t on\t my\t lips,\t I\t know\t I\u2019m\t not alone\tin\tthis. I\t let\t the\t dress\t drop\t and\t step\t out\t of\t it,\t bending\t to\t pick\t it\t up.\t Self- consciousness\tprevails\tand\tI\thide\tbehind\tit\ta\tlittle,\tuntil\tI\tlook\tso\tsilly\tthat\tI\thave no\tchoice\tto\thold\tit\taside.\tI\thad\tto\twear\tan\tivory\tbodysuit\tunder\tthe\tdress,\tlike\ta little\t swimsuit,\t to\t give\t it\t a\t smooth\t line,\t and\t it\t has\t little\t suspenders\t holding\t up my\tstockings.\tSleepysaurus,\tit\tain\u2019t. Josh\tlooks\tlike\the\u2019s\tbeen\tstabbed\tin\tthe\tgut. \u201cHoly\tshit,\u201d\the\tsays\tfaintly. I\thand\thim\tthe\tdress\tand\tput\tmy\thand\ton\tmy\thip.\tHis\teyes\teat\tevery\tline\tand curve\t of\t me,\t even\t as\t his\t hands\t neatly\t fold\t my\t dress\t in\t half.\t My\t legs\t are ridiculously\tshort,\tand\tI\tdon\u2019t\thave\tthe\tbenefit\tof\tmy\theels,\tbut\tthe\tway\the\tlooks at\tme\tmakes\tmy\ttiny\tknees\tweak. \u201cYou\u2019ve\t gone\t a\t bit\t quiet\t on\t me\t here,\t Josh.\u201d\t I\t slide\t my\t finger\t under\t the shoulder\t strap\t of\t this\t ridiculous\t thing\t I\u2019m\t wearing,\t and\t pause.\t I\t see\t his\t throat swallow. I\t put\t my\t hands\t on\t his\t neck,\t squeeze\t briefly\t in\t a\t strangle,\t then\t slide\t them","down.\t He\u2019s\t so\t solid,\t heavy,\t the\t heat\t radiating\t from\t within\t the\t muscles\t flexing under\tmy\tpalms.\tI\tstep\tin\tcloser,\tand\tput\tmy\tface\tinto\this\tthroat,\tand\tbreathe\thim in.\t I\t close\t my\t eyes\t and\t beg\t myself\t to\t remember\t this.\t Please,\t remember\t this when\tyou\u2019re\ta\thundred\tyears\told. His\t hands\t slide\t down\t my\t waist\t to\t take\t my\t butt\t in\t both\t hands,\t and\t when\t I begin\tto\tkiss\this\tthroat\the\tsqueezes\tme\ttighter. \u201cShirt\t off.\t Come\t on\t now.\u201d\t My\t voice\t is\t rough\t and\t cajoling.\t He\t begins unbuttoning\t his\t shirt,\t looking\t dazed.\t When\t he\t shrugs\t out\t of\t the\t shirt\t I\t can\t see his\t back\t in\t the\t reflection\t of\t the\t dresser\t mirror.\t \u201cYou\u2019ve\t still\t got\t paintball bruises.\tI\tdo\ttoo.\u201d My\t free\t hand\t is\t groping\t along\t his\t chest,\t and\t I\t break\t off\t the\t kiss\t to\t watch myself\t do\t it.\t The\t muscles\t are\t all\t stacked\t together\t like\t LEGOs.\t I\t press\t my fingertips\tto\twatch\this\tflesh\tgive.\tHis\thands\thaven\u2019t\tmoved\tfrom\tmy\tass,\tbut\this fingertips\thave\tslid\tdown\tto\tstroke\tthe\tlittle\tribbons\tholding\tup\tmy\tstockings.\tTo stop\t myself\t from\t making\t an\t embarrassingly\t loud\t moan\t I\t kiss\t him\t again, wriggling\tcloser\tto\thim. \u201cI\thad\tit\tall\tplanned.\u201d\tHe\tfinally\tfinds\this\tvoice\tagain,\tmoving\tme\tbackward smoothly\t to\t the\t bed.\t He\t hauls\t the\t coverlet\t away\t and\t lays\t me\t back\t against\t the sheets\twith\teasy\tstrength. \u201cIt\twas\tgoing\tto\tbe\ta\tlittle\tmore\tromantic\tthan\ta\thotel\troom.\u201d Josh,\tthinking\tabout\tromance?\tMy\theart\tcan\u2019t\ttake\tit.\tHe\tcaptures\tmy\tmouth in\ta\tkiss,\tand\tit\u2019s\tso\tgentle\tI\tcould\tcry. \u201cSee,\u201d\the\tsays\tinto\tmy\tmouth.\t\u201cI\tdon\u2019t\thate\tyou,\tLucy.\u201d His\t tongue\t touches\t mine,\t tentative,\t shy.\t He\t drops\t himself\t down\t on\t his elbows,\t caging\t me\t with\t his\t biceps,\t and\t it\t triggers\t the\t memory\t of\t him\t pressing me\tagainst\ta\ttree,\tshielding\tme,\tcovering\tme. I\twas\talways\tcovering\tfor\tyou. I\tsigh,\tand\the\tbreathes\tit\tin.\t\u201cThat\u2019s\tit\t.\t.\t.\u201d I\tstretch\tand\twriggle\tunderneath\this\tweight.\t\u201cYou\u2019re\tso\tbig.\tIt\tgets\tme\thot.\u201d \u201cAnd\t you\u2019re\t so\t tiny.\t It\t makes\t me\t wonder\t about\t all\t the\t ways\t we\u2019ll\t fit together.\tIt\u2019s\tall\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\tthinking\tabout\tsince\tthe\tday\twe\tmet.\u201d \u201cOh,\t sure.\t The\t momentous\t day\t you\t looked\t at\t me,\t head\t to\t toe,\t then\t out\t the window.\u201d He\u2019s\tgiving\tmy\tthroat\tthe\tsoftest\tbites\timaginable.\tHe\tslides\this\tfingers\tinto mine\tabove\tour\theads\tand\twe\u2019re\tnow\tholding\thands.\tHow\tdid\twe\tget\tback\there? To\tthis\ttender\tplace\tafter\tthe\tblaze\tof\tanger\tburned\tus\tboth\tup?\tIt\u2019s\tso\tsweet,\tso completely\tsoft\tand\tgentle\tand\tJosh.","\u201cIf\t we\t do\t this\t tonight,\t I\u2019m\t not\t going\t to\t let\t you\t get\t weird\t on\t me.\u201d\t His\t eyes are\tsolemn\tas\the\tbraces\thimself\tup\ta\tlittle.\t\u201cAre\tyou\tgoing\tto\thave\tone\tof\tyour infamous\tfreak-outs?\u201d \u201cI\tdon\u2019t\tknow.\tVery\tpossibly.\u201d\tI\ttry\tfor\ta\tjoke\tbut\the\u2019s\tnot\tremotely\tamused. \u201cI\twish\tI\tknew\thow\tmuch\tI\thave\tof\tyou.\tHow\tmuch\tdo\tI\tget?\u201d\tHe\u2019s\tkissing me\ton\tthe\tthroat\tagain,\tfingers\ttightening\ton\tmine. \u201cUntil\t the\t interviews,\t you\t get\t it\t all,\u201d\t I\t say\t into\t his\t skin,\t and\t he\t lets\t out\t a shaky\tbreath,\tlike\tI\u2019ve\toffered\thim\tforever,\tnot\ta\tfew\tdays. We\t begin\t kissing\t again,\t and\t the\t friction\t of\t my\t thigh\t against\t his\t groin\t is spurring\t him\t into\t a\t slightly\t heavier\t rhythm.\t His\t mouth\t is\t wet,\t soft,\t delicious. The\tmoment\the\tstops,\teven\tto\ttake\ta\tproper\tbreath,\tI\ttug\thim\tback. After\tan\teternity,\the\ttangles\this\thand\tin\tthe\tstrap\ton\tmy\tshoulder.\tHe\truns\tit lasciviously\tthrough\this\tfingers\tpulling\tit\ttaut,\treleasing\tit\twith\tthe\tfaintest\tsnap, and\tthen\tdoes\tit\tagain. \u201cThe\tzip\u2019s\tat\tthe\tside,\u201d\tI\ttell\thim.\tTechnically\tI\tthink\tI\tbegged\thim. He\t ignores\t me\t completely\t and\t instead\t slides\t his\t finger\t down\t to\t the\t bow between\t my\t breasts.\t \u201cThe\t smallest\t bow\t I\u2019ve\t ever\t seen.\u201d\t He\t dips\t his\t head\t and bites\tit. We\u2019re\t going\t so\t slowly,\t I\t wouldn\u2019t\t be\t surprised\t to\t open\t my\t eyes\t and\t see daylight.\t He\u2019s\t always\t completely\t different\t from\t what\t I\t expect.\t Soft\t instead\t of hard.\tSlow\tinstead\tof\tfast.\tShy\tinstead\tof\tbrash.\tMy\tprevious\tboyfriends\tand\tany of\t their\t egg-timer\t foreplay\t attempts\t are\t distant\t memories\t now\t that\t I\u2019m experiencing\tthe\tintense\tpleasure\tof\tlying\tunderneath\tJosh. He\t slides\t a\t hand\t into\t my\t hair\t and\t the\t scrape\t of\t his\t nails\t against\t my\t scalp makes\tmy\tskin\tbreak\tinto\tgoose\tbumps.\tHe\tlicks\tthem.\tHe\tcoils\tup\tsmoothly\tto kneel\tbetween\tmy\tfeet,\tseemingly\tjust\tfor\ta\tbetter\tview.\tIt\tworks\tfor\tme.\tI\twatch his\tstomach\tflex,\tand\tI\tmake\ta\tsound\tlike\tohhgah. \u201cHow\tdo\tyou\teven\tlook\tlike\tthis?\u201d \u201cI\tdon\u2019t\thave\tanything\tbetter\tto\tdo\tthan\tgo\tto\tthe\tgym.\u201d \u201cYou\tdo\tnow.\u201d I\tsit\tup\ttoo\tand\tdrag\tmy\tmouth\tacross\tthe\tmuscles,\tand\tI\tdo\twhat\tI\u2019ve\talways wanted\tto.\tI\tget\tmy\thands\ton\this\tass,\tand\tit\tis\tfabulous. His\thands\tslide\tinto\tmy\thair\tand\tI\tbegin\tmaking\tout\twith\this\tstomach.\tI\tcan\u2019t help\tmyself.\tI\tfind\ta\tlittle\tbit\tof\thair,\tand\tlook\tup\tto\tsee\the\u2019s\tgot\ta\tlight\tdusting on\this\tchest,\tin\ta\tline\tdown,\tdisappearing\tbeyond\tthe\twaistband\tof\this\tsuit\tpants. \u201cHorny\teyes,\u201d\the\ttells\tme\tshakily. \u201cNo\t kidding.\t I\t want\t to\t snort\t you.\t You\t always\t smell\t amazing.\u201d\t I\t press\t my","nose\tinto\this\tskin\tand\tbreathe\tin\tas\thard\tas\tI\tcan,\tand\the\tbegins\tto\tlaugh.\tI\tlook up\tat\thim\tand\tgrin. His\tfingers\tare\tresting\ton\tthe\tzip\tat\tmy\tside. \u201cI\u2019m\tcompletely\tcovered\tin\tbruises,\u201d\tI\tsay\tby\tway\tof\ta\tdisclaimer.\tI\tsuck\tmy stomach\tin,\tlooking\tat\this\tabs. \u201cYou\u2019re\tcute\twhen\tyou\tget\tshy.\tI\u2019ll\tgo\tslow.\u201d\tHe\teases\tone\tstrap\tdown,\tlets it\t rest\t against\t my\t arm.\t He\t does\t the\t same\t with\t the\t other\t one.\t He\t bites\t his\t lip. \u201cI\u2019m\tgoing\tto\tsit\tdown.\tI\tfeel\ttoo\ttall.\u201d There\u2019s\t a\t brief\t reshuffle\t when\t he\t leans\t against\t the\t headboard\t and\t I\t settle between\this\tlegs\tand\trest\tback\tagainst\thim.\tHis\thands\tspread\tover\tmy\tshoulders, and\t my\t eyes\t close\t as\t he\t begins\t to\t rub,\t the\t sweetest,\t most\t strangely\t timed massage.\t Most\t men\t would\t be\t unzipping\t and\t feeling\t by\t now,\t but\t he\u2019s\t not\t most men. \u201cYou\tsat\tlike\tthis\twhen\tyou\twere\tsick.\u201d He\t continues\t to\t massage,\t the\t friction\t between\t us\t blooming\t outward.\t He scoops\tmy\thair\taway\tand\tpresses\this\tmouth\ton\tthe\tside\tof\tmy\tneck.\tI\u2019ll\tbarely\tbe able\tto\tremember\tmy\town\tname\tat\tthis\trate. He\t slides\t his\t hand\t into\t the\t satin\t and\t weighs\t my\t bare\t breast\t in\t his\t hand. Slowly,\tgently,\this\tfingers\tpinch. \u201cOh,\tyeah,\u201d\the\tgroans,\tand\tpresses\this\tmouth\tback\tto\tmy\tneck. I\thear\tthe\tsound\tI\tmake.\tThe\tkind\tof\tharsh\tintake\tpeople\tusually\tmake\tfrom extreme\tpain.\tExcept\tI\tfeel\tlike\tI\u2019m\thalfway\tto\torgasm. \u201cImagine\tall\tthe\tthings\twe\u2019re\tgoing\tto\tdo,\u201d\the\tsays,\talmost\tto\thimself. \u201cI\tdon\u2019t\twant\tto\timagine.\tI\twant\tto\tknow.\u201d\tMy\tfeet\tare\tscrambling\tuselessly against\tthe\tsheets,\tlike\tI\u2019m\tbeing\telectrocuted. \u201cYou\t will.\t But\t tonight\t isn\u2019t\t enough,\t I\t can\t already\t feel\t it.\t I\u2019ve\t always\t told you,\tI\tneed\tdays.\tWeeks.\u201d I\t barely\t notice\t the\t zipper\t sliding\t down.\t He\u2019s\t easing\t me\t out\t of\t the\t stretchy satin,\t because\t the\t feeling\t of\t his\t big\t palms\t smoothing\t over\t me\t is\t sublime.\t I\u2019m being\tcoddled\tand\tpatted,\tskin\twarmed,\teverything\tadmired.\tWhen\tI\tmanage\tto open\tmy\teyes,\this\tbreath\tis\tsteaming\thot\tunderneath\tmy\tear\tand\tthe\tcream\tfabric is\tpuddled\tat\tmy\twaist.\tHe\tunclips\tmy\tstockings\tand\tleans\tover\tmy\tshoulder\tto look\tat\tme. \u201cMmm.\u201d\tHe\thooks\this\tfingers\tinto\tthe\tsides\tof\tthe\tfabric\tat\tmy\thips,\ttugs\tit down\tmy\tlegs\tand\tI\u2019m\tnaked\texcept\tfor\tmy\tstockings. I\t see\t the\t leg\t of\t his\t suit\t pants,\t which\t makes\t my\t nudity\t feel\t even\t more vulnerable.\tI\tbring\tmy\tknees\tup,\ttrying\tto\thide\tmyself,\tbut\tthere\u2019s\tno\tpoint.\tHe","makes\tkind,\tsoothing\tsounds\tagainst\tthe\tback\tof\tmy\tear.\tHis\thuge\thand\tstrokes down\tmy\thip,\tmy\tthigh,\tthen\tclasps\tmy\twaist.\tThe\tother\thand\tfollows\tsuit. \u201cLucy,\u201d\tis\tall\the\tcan\tseem\tto\tsay.\t\u201cLucy.\tHow\tam\tI\tgoing\tto\twalk\taway\tfrom tonight?\tSeriously.\tHow?\u201d I\tget\tgoose\tbumps.\tI\u2019m\twondering\tthe\tsame\tthing.\tI\tlet\tmy\thead\tdrop\tto\tone side,\tand\twe\tkiss. I\u2019m\t hoarse\t and\t breathless.\t \u201cI\u2019m\t gonna\t die\t tonight.\t Please\t take\t your\t pants off.\u201d \u201cI\t want\t that\t embroidered\t on\t a\t pillow,\u201d\t he\t says,\t and\t I\t laugh\t until\t I\u2019m gasping. \u201cYou\u2019re\tso\tfunny.\tI\u2019ve\talways\tthought\tso.\tI\tcould\tnever\tlaugh,\tbut\tI\twanted to.\u201d \u201cAh,\tso\tthat\u2019s\tone\tof\tyour\trules.\u201d\tHe\tslides\toff\tthe\tbed,\thand\ton\tthe\tbutton\tat his\twaistband.\t\u201cSo\tthe\taim\tof\tthe\tgame\tis\tto\tnot\tlaugh?\u201d \u201cThe\taim\tis\tto\tmake\tthe\tother\tperson\tlaugh.\tCome\ton.\tI\u2019m\tgetting\tcold.\u201d\tI\u2019m getting\t impatient,\t more\t like.\t He\t pulls\t the\t sheets\t and\t blankets\t over\t me\t when\t I shiver\t and\t I\t watch\t him\t like\t a\t lecherous\t creep\t as\t he\t manages\t to\t ease\t the\t zip down\ton\this\tpants. \u201cI\thave\tmy\town\trules.\tAnd\tthe\taim\tof\tthe\tgame\tis\tdifferent\tfor\tme.\u201d Watching\tJosh\ttake\toff\ta\tpair\tof\tsuit\tpants\tis\ton\tanother\tlevel.\tHe\u2019s\tin\tthese stretchy\tblack\ttrunks.\tThey\u2019re\tbadly\tbent\tout\tof\tshape\tin\tfront. \u201cDo\ttell.\tCome\ton.\u201d He\tslides\tthose\tshorts\tdown,\tand\tmy\tmouth\tdrops\topen.\tSeems\tthat\teven\tmy fevered\t imagination\t was\t woefully\t inadequate.\t I\u2019m\t about\t to\t tell\t him\t that\t he\t is glorious\twhen\the\tsnaps\tthe\tlamp\tand\twe\tare\tplunged\tinto\tdarkness. \u201cNo!\tJosh,\tthat\u2019s\tabsolutely\tnot\tfair.\tLight\ton.\tI\twant\tto\tlook\tat\tyou.\u201d I\tflail\tmy\tarm\tat\tthe\tlamp\tbut\twhen\the\tslides\tinto\tthe\tblankets\tand\tI\tregister the\t warmth\t of\t his\t body\t against\t mine,\t we\t make\t identical\t sounds\t of\t disbelief. Skin\tto\tskin.\tThe\theat\tof\tit. I\t have\t no\t idea\t where\t he\t is\t precisely.\t He\u2019s\t all\t over\t me.\t I\t think\t I\t feel\t his breath\t in\t my\t hair,\t but\t we\t roll\t a\t little\t and\t when\t he\t sighs\t it\u2019s\t down\t near\t my\t rib cage.\tIt\u2019s\tdisconcerting\tand\terotic\tand\tI\tnearly\tjolt\tout\tof\tmy\tskin\twhen\the\tslides one\thand\tacross\tmy\tribs. Another\t hand\t is\t dispensing\t with\t my\t stockings,\t smoothing\t down\t my\t legs. He\u2019s\ttouching\tmy\tankle\tand\tgently\tpinching\tat\tthe\tlittle\tcurve\tof\tmy\twaist.\tI\u2019ve got\thands\tsliding\tall\tover\tme. \u201cYou\u2019re\tso\tsoft\tit\u2019s\tridiculous.\tEverywhere\tmy\thand\tslides,\tyou\tfit\tme.\tI\twas","so\tright.\u201d He\t demonstrates.\t Throat.\t Breast.\t Ribs.\t Hips.\t Then\t he\t shows\t me\t his\t mouth fits\tperfectly\ttoo.\tMy\tskin\theats\twith\tevery\tkiss\tand\tpress.\tHe\tlicks\tat\tthe\tsheen of\tsweat\tbeginning\tto\tmist\tacross\tme,\tand\tI\thear\ta\tfaraway\tsound\tthat\tI\trealize\tis me.\t Whimpering,\t begging\t noises.\t He\t takes\t no\t notice\t and\t shows\t no\t pity.\t He presses\t his\t perfect\t mouth\t on\t whatever\t section\t of\t skin\t he\t pleases.\t Inch\t by\t inch, he\tis\tcharting\tme\tlike\ta\tmap.\tWhich\tis\tall\tvery\twell,\texcept\tthat\tJosh\thas\ta\tbody that\tI\tneed\tto\tget\tmy\thands\ton.\tWhen\the\u2019s\tpartway\tthrough\ttraversing\tthe\tupper curve\tof\tmy\tspine,\tmy\tpleading\twhispers\tbegin\tto\twear\thim\tdown. \u201cPlease\tlet\tme\ttouch\tyou.\u201d He\t relents\t and\t rolls\t me\t over,\t and\t I\t run\t my\t hands\t down\t his\t neck\t to\t the\t big muscles\tat\tthe\ttops\tof\this\tarms.\tI\tsqueeze.\tI\tbite.\tI\tuse\tboth\thands\tto\tstroke\tdown one\tbicep,\tweighing\tthe\tmuscle\tin\tmy\thand.\tIt\u2019s\tsuch\ta\tpleasure,\tto\tbe\ttouching someone\t else.\t It\u2019s\t satin,\t this\t skin.\t My\t palms\t tingle\t from\t stroking\t it.\t My\t mouth fits\teverywhere\tthat\tI\tcan\tkiss\thim.\tMy\teyes\tare\tadjusting,\tand\tI\tcan\tsee\tthe\tglint in\t his\t eye\t as\t I\t take\t my\t time,\t testing\t every\t new\t muscle,\t tendon,\t and\t joint\t that\t I encounter. In\tthe\tdark,\tI\tslide\tmy\tbody\tagainst\this,\tfeeling\this\tsighs,\tand\tI\ttug\thim\tdown to\tlie\ton\tme\tproperly. \u201cI\u2019m\tpretty\theavy.\tI\u2019ll\tflatten\tyou.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve\thad\ta\tgood\tlife.\u201d He\t laughs,\t husky\t and\t pleased,\t and\t obeys\t me,\t pressing\t me\t down\t so\t firmly into\tthe\tmattress\tI\tlose\thalf\tthe\tair\tin\tmy\tlungs. \u201cOh,\tso\tgood.\tSo\theavy.\tI\tlove\tit.\u201d He\t kneels\t up\t after\t another\t minute\t because\t I\t am\t gradually\t dying.\t I\t reach down\tbetween\tus\tand\ttake\thold\tof\this\tintriguing\thardness.\tHe\tlets\tme\tfondle\tand play\tuntil\this\tevery\tbroken\tbreath\tconvinces\tme\tof\tthe\tfact\tthat\the\u2019s\tfalling\tapart at\tthe\tseams,\tand\tit\u2019s\tbecause\tof\tme.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tthink\tof\tanything\tmore\tI\tcould\twin. But\t then\t I\t feel\t his\t mouth\t against\t my\t hip\t bone,\t and\t then\t he\t starts\t kissing\t my thighs. I\thave\tto\tlaugh,\tboth\tfrom\tthe\ttickling\tof\this\tstubble\tand\tthe\tmemory\tof\tour uniform\t argument\t from\t a\t lifetime\t ago.\t He\t kisses\t my\t thighs\t in\t openmouthed reverence,\t whispering\t things\t I\t can\u2019t\t properly\t hear.\t They\t feel\t like\t they\t must\t be complimentary\twords;\tthe\thot\tbreath\tpunctuated\twith\tlicks,\tbites,\tmore\tkisses.\tI could\t never\t withstand\t the\t soft\t pressure\t of\t this\t mouth,\t and\t there\u2019s\t no\t doubting his\tintention.\tMy\tlegs\tfall\topen,\tand\tI\tstare\tinto\tthe\tdark\tat\tthe\tceiling. The\tfirst\ttouch\tis\ta\tswirl.\tThe\tkind\tof\tlick\tyou\u2019d\tmake\tto\tthe\ttop\tof\ta\tmelting","ice\tcream\tcone.\tI\tbreathe\tin\tso\thard\tI\tnearly\tsnort,\tand\the\tkisses\tmy\tinner\tthigh, a\treward.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tform\tany\thuman\twords. The\tsecond\tis\ta\tkiss,\tand\tI\tthink\tof\this\tsignature\tfirst-date\tkiss;\tchaste,\tsoft, no\ttongue.\t The\t promise\t of\teverything\t to\t come.\tI\t hug\ta\t pillow\tand\t decide\t he\u2019s never\tgoing\ton\ta\tfirst\tdate\twith\tanyone,\tever\tagain. The\tthird\tis\ta\tkiss\tagain,\tbut\tit\tdisintegrates\tfrom\tchaste\tto\tdirty\tso\tslowly\tI barely\tknow\twhen\tit\u2019s\tchanged.\tHe\u2019s\tgot\tall\tthe\ttime\tin\tthe\tworld\tand\twith\teach minute\tticking\tby,\tmy\tbody\tsimultaneously\trelaxes\tand\twinds\ttighter.\tI\tfind\tmy voice\tand\tmanage\tto\tsound\tcrisp\tand\tprissy. \u201cI\tdon\u2019t\tthink\tthere\u2019s\tanything\tabout\tdoing\tthis\tin\tthe\tHR\tmanual.\u201d I\t can\t feel\t him\t shiver\t and\t groan.\t \u201cSorry,\u201d\t he\t tells\t me.\t \u201cYou\u2019re\t right.\u201d\t He doesn\u2019t\tstop,\tbut\tcontinues\tto\tflaunt\tthe\tHR\tregulations\tfor\tan\tuntold\tnumber\tof minutes. I\u2019m\tshaking\tcloser\tand\tcloser\tto\tthe\tblinding\tpersonal\texplosion\tI\tfeel\tnearby on\t the\t horizon.\t Frankly\t I\u2019m\t surprised\t I\u2019ve\t lasted\t this\t long.\t I\t put\t a\t hand\t down and\tsink\tmy\tfingers\tinto\this\thair\tand\ttug. \u201cI\t can\u2019t\t handle\t it.\t Please.\t I\t need\t more.\t Way,\t way\t more.\u201d\t I\t slide\t away, clutching\tat\thim,\tpulling\thim\tup\tby\tthe\tarm\twith\tsuperhuman\tstrength.\tHe\tsighs indulgently\tand\tkneels\tup,\tand\tI\tfinally\thear\tthat\tmagic\tfoil-rip. His\t voice\t would\t sound\t authoritative\t when\t he\t speaks\t next,\t except\t it\t has\t a shaky,\tbreathless\tedge,\ttotally\tundermining\this\tefforts. \u201cI\u2019m\tfinally\thaving\tyou.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tfinally\thaving\tyou,\u201d\tI\tcounter. He\tdrops\tdown\tand\tI\u2019m\tsurprised\twhen\tthe\tlamp\tflicks\ton.\tDazzled,\tI\tclose my\teyes,\tand\twhen\tI\topen\tthem,\the\u2019s\tlooking\tat\tme.\tThe\tblack-sapphire\tfacets\tof his\teyes\tare\tdoing\tstrange\tthings\tto\tmy\theart. \u201cHey,\tShortcake.\u201d\tOur\tfingers\ttangle\tagain\tabove\tmy\thead. The\t first\t press\t he\t makes\t is\t gentle\t and\t my\t body\t takes,\t and\t then\t takes\t some more.\t He\u2019s\t pressing\t his\t temple\t to\t mine,\t making\t desperate\t sounds,\t like\t he\u2019s\t in pain,\t like\t he\u2019s\t trying\t to\t live\t through\t this.\t I\t involuntarily\t clench\t and\t he\t jerks forward,\thard.\tMy\thead\tnearly\thits\tthe\theadboard\tand\tI\tlaugh. \u201cSorry,\u201d\the\tsays,\tand\tI\tkiss\this\tcheek. \u201cDon\u2019t\tapologize.\tDo\tit\tagain.\u201d","Chapter\t26 We\u2019ve\t never\t played\t the\t Staring\t Game\t with\t you\t inside\t me.\u201d\t His\t hips\t flex\t a little,\tand\tmy\teyelids\tstart\tto\tflutter. I\t was\t expecting\t the\t pleasure\t and\t pressure,\t given\t that\t he\u2019s\t huge\t and\t I\u2019m small,\tbut\tit\u2019s\temotion\tnow\ttightening\tmy\tthroat\tuntil\tI\tcan\u2019t\treply.\tIt\u2019s\this\teyes, and\tthe\texpression\tin\tthem\tas\the\tbegins\tto\troll\this\thips,\tslick\tand\teasy.\tThere\u2019s no\t hard\t impact,\t no\t teeth-chattering\t thuds.\t He\t moves\t against\t me\t with\t measured control.\tThis\tis\tthe\thottest\tmoment\tof\tmy\tlife.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tprocess\teach\tsensation.\tA feeling\tsimilar\tto\tfreaking\tout\tis\tbeginning\tto\tfill\tmy\tchest. I\t can\u2019t\t keep\t my\t composure\t under\t his\t eyes.\t Passionate\t eyes.\t Intense,\t fierce, fearless\teyes.\tHe\twants\tme\tto\thand\tover\teverything.\tHe\twon\u2019t\ttake\tanything\tless from\tme. \u201cTalk\tto\tme.\u201d\tHe\ttouches\tmy\tnose\twith\this.\tHis\tbreath\tis\theavy\tand\teven. \u201cYou\t were\t right\t .\t .\t .\t you\t fit\t me,\t somehow.\t Oh,\t that\u2019s\t so\t nice.\u201d\t I\t can\t barely speak.\t\u201cI\u2019m\tfreaking\tout\tslightly.\u201d \u201cNice,\t huh?\u201d\t He\t looks\t at\t me\t with\t amusement.\t \u201cI\t can\t always\t do\t better\t than nice.\u201d He\t lets\t go\t of\t my\t fingertips,\t slides\t a\t hand\t under\t each\t of\t my\t thighs\t and\t lifts me\ta\tfew\tinches\toff\tthe\tbed. \u201cNice\tis\tgood,\tnice\tis\tgood,\u201d\tI\tbabble.\tMy\tnext\tsound\tis\ta\tgroan. Joshua\tTempleman\treally,\treally\tknows\twhat\the\u2019s\tdoing. My\teyes\troll\tback\tinto\tmy\thead.\tI\tknow\tthey\tdo,\tbecause\the\tsmiles\ta\tbit\tand moves\this\thips\tagain.\tThe\tblankets\tfall\taway,\tand\tI\u2019m\tfront\trow,\tlooking\tup\this gorgeous\tflexing\tmuscles,\tto\this\tface. \u201cI\u2019m\t not\t nice,\u201d\t he\t tells\t me.\t Slowly,\t we\t begin\t to\t stretch\t against\t each\t other, and\tit\u2019s\tmore\trolling\tfriction.\tI\u2019ve\tnever\tfelt\tanything\tlike\tit.\tIt\tconfirms\tthat\tno guy\tI\u2019ve\tever\tbeen\twith\thas\tdone\tit\tright.\tUntil\tnow. He\u2019s\tfrowning\ta\tlittle\tin\tconcentration.\tIt\u2019s\tgot\tto\tbe\tthe\tangle\the\u2019s\tcreated\tso easily\tthat\tseems\tto\tnudge\ta\tlittle\tswitch\tinside\tmy\tbody. \u201cHey.\u201d\t He\t hits\t it\t again,\t and\t the\t pleasure\t is\t so\t intense\t a\t sob\t catches\t in\t my","throat.\tAgain\tand\tagain.\tI\u2019ve\tnever\tplayed\tthis\tgame\tbefore. I\t have\t no\t strength\t to\t raise\t my\t arms\t to\t his\t shoulders.\t Every\t distinct\t slide\t of his\tbody\tinto\tmine\tis\ttaking\tme\tone\tstep\tcloser\tto\tsomething\tI\u2019m\tfairly\tsure\twill kill\tme. \u201cAre\tyou\ttired?\u201d\tI\ttry\tto\tbe\tconsiderate\tbut\tinstead\the\tpicks\tup\tthe\tpace. Sweat\tbegins\tto\tmist\tmy\tskin.\tMy\thands\tscrabble\tfor\tpurchase\ton\tthe\tsheets. If\t I\u2019m\t a\t deadweight,\t it\t doesn\u2019t\t seem\t to\t bother\t him.\t All\t I\t can\t do\t is\t press\t my shoulders\tagainst\tthe\tmattress\tand\ttry\tto\tsurvive\tthis. \u201cI\u2019m\tdying,\u201d\tI\twarn\thim.\t\u201cJosh,\tI\u2019m\tdying.\u201d Josh\tlifts\tone\tof\tmy\tankles\tto\trest\ton\this\tshoulder.\tHis\tarm\thugs\tmy\tleg,\tand he\t studies\t my\t face\t with\t interest\t as\t he\t increases\t his\t pace\t further.\t His\t eyebrows pinch\t together.\t The\t Staring\t Game\t is\t the\t absolute\t best\t when\t Josh\t is\t hitting\t my lifelong\tnonexistent\tG-spot.\tThe\tone\tthat\texists\tnow. \u201cHoly.\tHoly\t.\t.\t.\tJosh.\u201d When\the\tlaughs\tin\tresponse\tit\u2019s\tnearly\tmy\tundoing. Here\u2019s\tmy\tproblem.\tThis\tdoesn\u2019t\thappen.\tFirst\tsex\twith\tsomeone\tis\tawkward and\tyou\ttake\tturns\tand\ttry\tto\twork\tout\teach\tother\u2019s\tlikes\tand\tdislikes.\tThere\u2019s\tno simultaneous\twet\tdirty\tscrewing\tand\ttrying\tto\tdelay\tyour\torgasm.\tBut\tI\tam.\tAnd he\tknows\tit. \u201cLucy.\tQuit\tholding\toff.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\t not,\u201d\t I\t protest,\t but\t for\t my\t lie\t he\t increases\t his\t force.\t I\t babble\t a\t thank you. \u201cYou\u2019re\t welcome,\u201d\t he\t tells\t me\t and\t angles\t me\t higher.\t I\t have\t no\t idea\t how he\u2019s\t not\t tired.\t I\t will\t write\t a\t thank-you\t card\t to\t his\t personal\t trainer.\t If\t my\t hand can\tever\tgrip\ta\tpen\tagain.\tI\tbite\tmy\tlip.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tlet\tthis\tend.\tI\ttell\thim\tso. \u201cForever,\tdo\tthis\tforever,\u201d\tI\tbeg.\tI\u2019m\tnear\ttears.\t\u201cDon\u2019t\tstop.\u201d \u201cStubborn\taren\u2019t\tyou,\tShortcake.\u201d \u201cI\tcan\u2019t\tlet\tthis\tend.\tPlease,\tJosh.\tPlease,\tplease,\tplease\t.\t.\t.\u201d He\tpresses\this\tcheek\tagainst\tmy\tcalf\tin\tsuch\ta\tsweetly\taffectionate\tgesture. \u201cIt\twon\u2019t\tend,\u201d\the\ttells\tme. I\tcan\tsee\the\u2019s\tstarting\tto\tlose\thimself\ta\tlittle.\tHis\teyes\tare\tlit\tin\ta\tbright\thaze, and\tI\tsee\thim\traise\tthem\tto\tthe\tceiling,\tpraying\tfor\tsomething.\tHis\tgorgeous\tskin is\tglowing\tgold\tin\tthe\tlamplight. It\u2019s\ta\tsmooth,\tdeep\trolling\tthrust\tlike\tany\tof\tthe\tothers,\tbut\tI\tbreak. It\u2019s\tnot\ta\tsweet,\ttame\tthing\tsweeping\tover\tme.\tMy\tteeth\tsnap\ttogether,\tI\tgrip on\t to\t him\t and\t wring\t myself\t out.\t The\t anguished\t sound\t I\t make\t probably\t wakes every\tsingle\tperson\tin\tthe\thotel,\tbut\tI\tcan\u2019t\thold\tit\tin.\tIt\u2019s\tviolent.\tI\tnearly\tkick","him\tin\tthe\tjaw\tbut\the\tgrabs\tmy\tfoot\tand\tholds\ton\tto\tme.\tThe\tpleasure\tboils\tover, my\t body\t twists,\t squeezes,\t shakes\t me\t out,\t and\t I\u2019m\t out-of-my-mind\t crazy\t for Joshua\t Templeman.\t He\u2019s\t right.\t This\t will\t not\t be\t enough.\t I\t need\t days\t of\t this. Weeks.\tYears.\tMillions\tof\tyears. I\u2019m\tfalling,\tcompletely\tfalling,\tand\tI\tlook\tup\tas\the\tfalls\ttoo. He\t leans\t down\t against\t my\t leg\t and\t I\t feel\t him\t shaking\t in\t release.\t He\t looks down\tat\tme,\teyes\tsuddenly\tshy,\tand\tI\traise\tmy\thand\tto\tstroke\this\tcheek. He\tlowers\tme\tdown\tcarefully.\tI\tcan\u2019t\timagine\thow\tI\u2019ll\tlet\thim\tgo.\tI\twrap\tmy arms\taround\this\tshoulders\tand\tpress\tmy\tmouth\tto\this\teyebrow\tand\tmy\tchest\thas a\t cleaned-out\t feeling\t like\t I\u2019ve\t run\t a\t few\t miles.\t He\t must\t feel\t like\t he\u2019s\t done\t a triathlon. He\tlooks\tup\tat\tme.\t\u201cHow\tYou\tDoing?\u201d\the\twhispers\tsoftly. \u201cI\u2019m\ta\tghost.\tI\u2019m\tdead.\u201d \u201cI\t didn\u2019t\t know\t I\t was\t lethal,\u201d\t he\t says\t and\t begins\t to\t pull\t away\t from\t me, achingly\tslowly.\tI\tbeg\tand\tplead\tand\tsay,\tNo,\tno,\tno.\tI\u2019m\tan\taddict,\tcompletely hooked,\t already\t wanting\t my\t next\t fix\t while\t the\t current\t one\t is\t still\t running brightly\t through\t my\t veins.\t My\t body\t tries\t to\t hold\t on\t to\t him\t but\t he\t kisses\t my forehead\tand\tapologizes. \u201cI\u2019m\t sorry,\t I\t gotta,\u201d\t he\t says\t and\t walks\t away\t into\t the\t bathroom.\t I\t watch\t his backside\tand\tdrop\tback\tinto\tthe\tpillows. Best\tsex\tof\tmy\tentire\tlife.\tBest\tbackside\tI\thave\tever\tseen. \u201cIs\tthat\ta\tfact?\u201d\the\tsays\tfrom\tthe\tother\troom.\tSeems\tI\tsaid\tit\taloud. I\t lay\t my\t forearm\t over\t my\t eyes\t and\t try\t to\t regulate\t my\t breathing.\t I\t feel\t the mattress\tdip\tand\the\tpulls\tthe\tblankets\tup\tover\tmy\tchilling\tskin,\tand\tturns\toff\tthe lamp. \u201cNow\t you\u2019re\t going\t to\t be\t unbearable.\t But\t goddamn,\t Josh.\t Goddamn.\u201d\t I\u2019m slurring. \u201cGoddamn,\tyourself,\u201d\the\tsays,\tand\tI\u2019m\ttugged\tinto\tthe\tcradle\tof\this\tarms.\tI press\tmy\tcheek\tagainst\thim,\tdelighting\tin\this\tsweat. \u201cLet\u2019s\twork\tout\ta\tgame\tplan\tfor\twhen\twe\twake\tup.\tI\tcan\u2019t\thandle\tit\tif\tyou\tgo weird\ton\tme.\u201d \u201cWe\u2019ll\t say\t good\t morning\t politely,\t then\t we\u2019ll\t do\t it\t again.\u201d\t I\t sound\t like\t I\u2019ve had\t a\t stroke.\t I\t fall\t asleep\t with\t my\t ear\t pressed\t to\t his\t chest,\t listening\t to\t him laugh. I\t SOMEHOW\t SURVIVE\t until\t morning.\t I\u2019m\t washing\t my\t hands\t when\t I\t glance up\tat\tthe\tmirror.","\u201cOh,\tshit.\u201d \u201cWhat?\u201d I\topen\tthe\tdoor\ta\tcrack.\tThe\troom\tis\tdimly\tlit\tby\tstrobes\tof\tlight\tthrough\tthe heavy\tcurtains. \u201cI\tforgot\tto\ttake\toff\tmy\tmakeup.\tI\tlook\tlike\tAlice\tCooper\tagain.\u201d My\teye\tmakeup\tis\tsmudged\tblack\tand\tit\tmakes\tmy\teyes\tlook\tmilky-blue\tand lurid. \u201cAgain?\tYou\u2019ve\tlooked\tlike\tAlice\tCooper\tbefore?\u201d \u201cYeah,\tthe\tmorning\tafter\tI\twas\tsick,\tI\tnearly\tscreamed\twhen\tI\tsaw\tmyself.\u201d\tI brush\tmy\tteeth\tand\tget\tmy\thair\tinto\ta\tbun. \u201cI\tlike\tyou\twhen\tyou\tlook\ta\tlittle\twrecked.\u201d \u201cWell,\tyou\u2019d\tlike\tme\tright\tnow\tthen.\u201d I\u2019m\tin\tthe\tshower\tand\ttrying\tin\tvain\tto\tget\tthe\ttiny\tpacket\tof\tsoap\topen\twhen I\thear\tthe\tdoor\tcreak\tand\the\u2019s\tjoining\tme,\tcalmly,\tlike\twe\tdo\tthis\tevery\tday.\tLust electrifies\tme;\tthe\tstrangest\tmix\tof\tjoy\tand\tfear. \u201cIt\u2019s\ta\tShortcake-sized\tsoap,\u201d\the\tcomments,\ttaking\tit\tfrom\tme\tand\tbiting\tthe package.\tHe\tpinches\tthe\tlittle\tcoin\tof\tsoap\tout\tand\tholds\tit\tup\tbetween\tforefinger and\tthumb. \u201cI\tam\tgoing\tto\tenjoy\tthis.\u201d I\t am\t so\t dazzled\t by\t the\t sight\t of\t his\t velvety\t gold\t skin\t being\t streaked\t with water\tI\tcan\u2019t\tdo\tanything\tfor\ta\tfew\tminutes\texcept\tstare,\tmy\ttongue\tpeeking\tout the\t corner\t of\t my\t mouth\t like\t a\t hungry\t dog.\t The\t water\t channels\t down\t between each\tmuscle,\tbefore\toverflowing\tand\tsheening\tthe\tflat\tplanes. The\tshading\tof\thair\tbegins\tin\tthe\tcenter\tof\this\tchest,\tfanning\toutward\tto\this nipples,\t and\t moving\t downward\t in\t a\t thin\t line\t toward\t his\t navel.\t After\t being bombarded\t with\t a\t million\t billboards\t of\t shiny\t men\t in\t their\t underwear,\t I\t nearly forgot\tmen\thave\thair.\tI\tfollow\tthe\twater\tdown,\tthe\tthicker\thair,\tthe\timposing\tjut of\this\terection.\tAll\tof\tit\twet.\tBeautifully\tveined,\tenough\tto\tmake\tmy\tknees\tlose their\t strength.\t He\t was\t inside\t me.\t I\t need\t it\t again.\t I\t need\t it\t so\t many\t times\t I\t lose count. \u201cYou\tare\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tI\tshake\tmy\thead.\tI\thave\tto\tclose\tmy\teyes,\tto\tremember\thow\tto speak\t English.\t He\u2019s\t too\t much.\t I\t can\u2019t\t have\t possibly\t captured\t this\t big\t golden creature\t inside\t a\t glass\t hotel\t shower,\t and\t he\u2019s\t looking\t at\t me\t with\t those\t eyes\t I love\tso\tmuch. \u201cOh,\t no,\t I\u2019m\t hideous,\u201d\t he\t whispers,\t mock\t tragic,\t and\t I\t feel\t the\t soap\t press against\tmy\tcollarbone.\tIt\tstarts\tto\tswirl\tin\ta\tlittle\tcircle,\tsticky\tthen\tslick. \u201cMy\t personal\t trainer\t was\t so\t sure\t this\t disguise\t would\t help\t with\t women.","What\ta\tfucking\twaste\tof\ttime\tand\tenergy.\u201d I\t drag\t my\t eyes\t open,\t and\t they\t must\t look\t like\t I\u2019ve\t been\t in\t an\t opium\t den because\the\tlaughs. I\t press\t my\t thumb\t into\t the\t smile\t line\t on\t his\t cheek.\t \u201cYou\u2019re\t gorgeous. Beautiful.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tbelieve\tyou.\u201d I\tback\taway\tuntil\tI\u2019m\tpressed\tagainst\tthe\ttiles,\tto\tget\ta\tbetter\tview,\tand\tnow it\u2019s\t his\t turn\t to\t look\t at\t every\t wet\t inch\t of\t me.\t My\t arms\t ache\t with\t the\t effort\t it takes\t to\t not\t cover\t myself.\t His\t perfect\t muscles\t make\t me\t look\t very\t squishy\t in comparison.\tHis\teyes\tdarken\tas\the\tlooks\tat\tme\tfrom\thead\tto\ttoe. \u201cGet\tover\there,\u201d\the\tsays\tfaintly.\tI\ttake\this\thand\twhen\the\tholds\tit\tout. What\ta\tway\tto\tstart\tthe\tday.\tShowering\twith\tmy\tcolleague\tand\tnemesis. As\t soon\t as\t the\t thought\t materializes,\t I\t know\t it\u2019s\t so\t outdated\t I\t can\u2019t\t keep lying\tto\tmyself.\tHe\ttugs\tme\taway\tfrom\tthe\tfreezing\ttile\tand\tfaces\tme\ttoward\tthe spray,\t rechecking\t the\t temperature\t before\t he\t pushes\t me\t under.\t Then\t he\t puts\t his arms\t around\t me\t from\t behind\t and\t gives\t me\t what\t can\t only\t be\t described\t as\t a cuddle.\tI\tpress\tback\tfirmer\tagainst\this\tarousal\tto\tfeel\thim\tgroan. \u201cHow\tYou\tDoing?\tNot\tweird?\tFreaking\tout?\u201d\tHe\tsmoothes\tlather\tunder\tmy breasts,\tdown\tmy\tribs.\tHe\tlifts\tmy\tarm\tto\tinspect\tit,\tand\twe\tcompare\thand\tsizes. \u201cNo,\t I\u2019m\t fine.\t How\t come\t we\t don\u2019t\t have\t to\t worry\t about\t you\t getting\t weird? Most\t girls\t have\t to\t worry\t about\t guys\t making\t up\t an\t early-morning\t training session\tso\tthey\tcan\tescape.\tAnd\tin\tthis\tcase\tit\u2019s\tnot\timplausible.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve\tbeen\tready\tfor\tthis\tfor\ta\tlot\tlonger\tthan\tyou\thave,\u201d\the\tsays.\tHe\tseems to\tknow\tI\tdon\u2019t\twant\tto\tget\tmy\thair\twet,\tand\tturns\tus\ta\tlittle.\tHis\tslippery\thands coast\talong\tmy\thips. \u201cOh.\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d \u201cHow\tlong?\u201d \u201cA\tvery\tlong\ttime.\u201d \u201cI\tnever\tguessed.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tvery\tsecretive.\u201d\tHe\tis\tgently\tamused. I\tcapture\tthe\tsoap,\twhich\tis\tfast\ton\tits\tway\tto\tbecoming\ta\ttranslucent\tsliver.\tI stick\tit\tto\tmy\tpalm,\tand\tit\tgives\tme\ta\tgood\texcuse\tto\tstroke\tover\this\tbody,\twhile his\ttongue\tlicks\tat\tthe\twater\tdroplets\ton\tmy\tjaw. We\t look\t at\t each\t other,\t nose\t to\t nose,\t eyes\t half\t shut,\t and\t everything\t spirals out.\t The\t edges\t are\t nothing\t but\t cold\t air,\t but\t underneath\t this\t spray\t we\t get\t hotter and\thotter,\tuntil\tI\u2019m\tsure\tI\u2019m\tnearly\tsweating.\tIt\u2019s\tthis\tkiss. The\t minutes\t and\t hours\t fade\t away\t when\t I\u2019m\t kissing\t Josh\t Templeman.","There\u2019s\t no\t arc\t of\t the\t sun\t rising\t into\t the\t sky,\t no\t emptying\t hot\t water\t tank,\t no checkout\ttime.\tHe\ttakes\this\ttime\twith\tme.\tHe\u2019s\ta\trare\tman;\tachieving\tthe\talmost impossible.\tHe\tkisses\tme\tinto\tthe\tpresent\tmoment. It\u2019s\t something\t I\u2019ve\t always\t had\t difficulty\t with\t in\t past\t relationships:\t turning off\tmy\tbrain.\tBut\there,\tit\u2019s\tonly\tus.\tOur\tlips\tfind\ta\trhythm;\tthe\tgentle\tupswing\tof a\t pendulum,\t dropping\t away\t to\t the\t lightest\t curve,\t again\t and\t again,\t until\t there\u2019s nothing\tleft\tfor\tme\tin\tthis\tworld\tbut\this\tbody,\tmine,\tand\tthe\twater\tspilling\tover us,\tdestined\tto\trefill\ta\tcloud. He\tmakes\twords\tlike\tintimacy\tseem\tinadequate.\tMaybe\tit\u2019s\tthe\tway\the\tuses his\tthumb\tto\ttilt\tmy\tface,\tthe\tother\tfingers\tsplayed\tbehind\tmy\tear,\tinto\tmy\thair. When\tI\ttry\tto\tgasp\ta\tmouthful\tof\tair,\the\tbreathes\tit\tinto\tme.\tMy\thead\trolls\tto\tthe side,\tdreamy\tand\theavy,\tand\the\tcups\tmy\tjaw.\tI\tlook\tup\tat\thim,\tand\ta\tstarburst\tof emotion\texpands\tinside\tme.\tI\tthink\the\tsees\tit\tin\tmy\teyes,\tbecause\the\tsmiles. Nothing\treminds\tme\tof\thow\tbig\this\thands\tare\tlike\thaving\tthem\ton\tmy\tbody. He\tcups\tmy\tribs\tin\this\tpalms,\tthen\tslides\tup\tto\tshow\tme\thow\tperfectly\tI\tfill\this hands.\tWhen\tI\tcan\u2019t\thandle\tmuch\tmore,\the\tturns\tme\tto\tthe\twall\tand\this\tfingers splay\twings\tacross\tmy\tshoulder\tblades. Nails\tscratch\tdown\tsmoothly\tand\the\u2019s\twhispering\tagainst\tmy\tneck. He\u2019s\ttelling\tme\tI\u2019m\tbeautiful.\tThe\tmost\tdelicious\tstrawberry\tshortcake.\tI\u2019m the\t taste\t he\u2019ll\t never\t get\t out\t of\t his\t mouth.\t And\t that\t he\t wants\t me\t to\t be\t sure, completely\tsure,\tbefore\tI\tmake\ta\tdecision\tabout\tus. He\u2019s\t licking\t the\t water\t from\t my\t shoulders\t as\t he\t eases\t one\t broad\t palm\t in between\t my\t thighs.\t I\t feel\t my\t foot\t slide\t across\t the\t tiles\t an\t inch.\t Two.\t I\t shiver and\the\tputs\tan\tarm\tacross\tmy\tcollarbones. At\tthe\tfirst\ttouch\tof\this\tfingertip,\tI\thear\tthe\tsound\tI\tmake\techo\taround\tus.\tHe begins\t to\t wind\t me\t tighter\t with\t each\t gentle\t circle\t he\t draws,\t and\t I\t reach\t behind me,\tcapturing\thim\tin\treturn.\tOur\tjoint\tmoan\tcreates\ta\tcavernous\tbuzz\tagainst\tthe tiles. \u201cGive\t everything\t to\t me,\u201d\t he\t says\t into\t my\t ear.\t I\t repeat\t it\t back\t to\t him.\t I\u2019ve got\tnothing\tbut\twet,\thot\tmuscle\tagainst\tme,\tall\taround\tme,\this\tmouth\tnipping\tat my\t earlobe\t and\t his\t strong\t thrust\t into\t my\t inadequately\t small\t hand.\t He\t doesn\u2019t seem\tto\tmind;\tin\tfact,\the\u2019s\tstarting\tto\tgroan. I\u2019ve\tgot\tproblems\tof\tmy\town.\tLike\ttrying\tto\tnot\tmake\tso\tmuch\tnoise\tpeople outside\t our\t room\t can\t hear\t me.\t It\u2019s\t surprisingly\t difficult,\t given\t the\t heavenly amount\tof\tfriction\the\tis\tgiving\tme.\tShush,\tJosh\thalf\tlaughs.\tI\tbegin\tto\tteeter,\tand his\tteeth\tscrape\tthe\tnape\tof\tmy\tneck.\tI\ttighten\tmy\tgrip\ton\thim.\tWe\tboth\tstretch taut\tand\tsnap\tat\tvirtually\tthe\tsame\tmoment.","This\t one\t is\t an\t unfurling\t bloom.\t His\t cheek\t is\t resting\t on\t the\t tile\t above\t me, and\twe\twordlessly\tlook\tat\teach\tother\tas\twe\tshake.\tIt\u2019s\ta\tstrange\tthing,\twatching each\tother\tcome\tapart.\tI\thave\ta\tfeeling\tI\tcould\tget\tused\tto\tthis. There\u2019s\tno\tpossible\tway\tto\tadequately\tend\ta\tmoment\tlike\tthis.\tHow\tdoes\tone transition\tback\tto\treality?\tThis\thotel\troom\tneeds\ta\tcommemorative\tplaque. \u201cOh\tshit!\tBreakfast\tis\tsoon.\tWe\tgotta\thurry.\tI\tneed\tto\tpack\tmy\tbag.\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s\tskip\tit.\u201d\tHis\thands\ttoy\twith\tthe\tcurve\tof\tmy\twaist\tand\thips.\tUp,\tdown. In,\tout. \u201cYour\tmom\u2019ll\tbe\twaiting.\tCome\ton.\u201d \u201cNo,\u201d\the\tyowls\tunhappily,\tand\this\thands\tslide\tup\tmy\tshoulders. \u201cNo,\u201d\t I\t tell\t him\t in\t return\t and\t get\t out\t of\t the\t shower,\t evading\t his\t hands.\t I wrap\tmyself\tin\ta\ttowel\tand\tcheck\tthe\ttime\tbeside\tthe\tbed. \u201cCome\ton,\tfifteen\tminutes.\tHurry,\thurry.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll\t book\t the\t room\t for\t another\t day.\t We\t can\t stay\t for\t hours.\t We\t could\t live here.\u201d \u201cJosh.\t I\t like\t your\t mom.\t And\t I\t don\u2019t\t know\t if\t I\u2019m\t lame\t for\t wanting\t to\t make her\t happy,\t and\t I\t don\u2019t\t know\t if\t I\u2019ll\t ever\t see\t her\t again\t after\t today.\t I\t know\t she misses\t you.\t Maybe\t that\u2019s\t my\t role\t in\t this\t whole\t weekend.\t To\t force\t you\t to\t be with\tyour\tfamily\tagain.\u201d \u201cHow\t sweet.\t Forcing\t me\t to\t do\t things\t I\t don\u2019t\t want\t to.\t And\t of\t course\t you\u2019ll see\ther\tagain.\u201d \u201cFine.\tPut\tit\tthis\tway.\tI\twas\tinvited\tto\tbreakfast\tand\tI\u2019m\tgoing.\tI\u2019m\tstarving. You\tsexed\tall\tof\tmy\tenergy\tout.\tYou\tdo\twhat\tyou\twant.\u201d I\t manage\t to\t get\t some\t mascara\t on\t and\t half\t of\t my\t top\t lip\t done\t in Flamethrower.\tThen\the\teases\tup\tbehind\tme\tand\tI\tlook\tat\tus\tin\tthe\tmirror. The\tdifferences\tbetween\tus\thave\tnever\tbeen\tmore\tstark,\tor\tmore\terotic.\tThe contrast\t of\t me\t against\t his\t large,\t muscled\t glory\t almost\t breaks\t my\t resolve.\t He gathers\t my\t hair\t away\t from\t the\t side\t of\t my\t neck\t and\t drops\t his\t mouth\t in\t a\t kiss. We\tmake\teye\tcontact\tin\tthe\tmirror\tand\tI\tlet\tout\ta\tbroken\tbreath. I\twant\tto\ttell\thim,\tyes,\trent\tthis\troom\tfor\tthe\trest\tof\tour\tlives.\tIf\tI\thad\tmore time,\tI\tcould\tmake\tyou\tlove\tme.\tThe\trealization\thas\tme\tby\tthe\tthroat. I\u2019d\t have\t to\t be\t blind\t to\t not\t see\t the\t light\t of\t affection\t in\t his\t eyes\t as\t he\t wraps his\t arms\t tighter\t and\t begins\t kissing\t the\t side\t of\t my\t neck.\t I\u2019d\t have\t to\t be\t a thousand\t years\t old\t to\t forget\t the\t way\t he\t kisses\t me.\t It\u2019s\t the\t fresh\t new\t bud\t of something\tthat\tcould\tone\tday\tbe\tsomething\tremarkable,\tbut\tI\thave\tsevere\tdoubts that\t it\t could\t survive\t in\t the\t real\t world.\t This\t bubble\t we\u2019re\t in?\t It\u2019s\t not\t reality.\t I wish\tit\twas,\tand\tI\twish\twe\tlived\there.\tAll\tof\tthis,\tI\tshould\tsay\tout\tloud\tto\thim,","but\tI\tdon\u2019t\thave\tthe\tcourage. I\t close\t my\t eyes.\t \u201cWe\t can\t have\t breakfast\t and\t then\t drive\t back\t to\t your apartment\tat\twarp\tspeed.\u201d \u201cFine.\tNice\tlipstick,\tby\tthe\tway.\u201d I\tmanage\tto\tget\tthe\trest\tdone\tand\tI\tblot\tonce.\tHe\ttakes\tthe\ttissue\tbefore\tI\tcan scrunch\tit\tup.\tHe\tholds\tit\tup\tto\tadmire\tit. \u201cLike\ta\theart.\u201d \u201cHow\tabout\tyou\tbuy\ta\tlittle\twhite\tcanvas\tand\tI\u2019ll\tkiss\tit\tfor\tyou.\tSomething to\tremember\tme\tby.\u201d I\t give\t him\t a\t cute\t wink\t to\t keep\t the\t tone\t light.\t The\t sarcastic\t rejoinder\t that\t I am\t expecting\t never\t eventuates,\t and\t instead\t he\t turns\t and\t walks\t out\t of\t the bathroom.\tWhen\tI\tcome\tout\ta\tfew\tminutes\tlater\twith\tmy\tmakeup\tbag\tunder\tmy arm\the\u2019s\tdressed\tin\tjeans\tand\ta\tred\tT-shirt. \u201cI\u2019ve\t never\t seen\t you\t in\t red.\t How\t come\t every\t color\t in\t the\t flippin\u2019\t rainbow suits\tyou?\u201d He\tputs\tmy\tcell\tphone\tnear\tmy\tpurse,\tand\tthe\twhite\trose\the\tsaved\tfrom\this lapel. \u201cYou\tjust\tthink\tthey\tdo.\u201d\tHe\tzips\this\tbag\tand\tstands\tat\tthe\twindow,\tlooking out\tat\tthe\twater. I\tdig\tin\tmy\tbag\tfor\tmy\town\tjeans\tand\tthe\tblack\tcashmere\tsweater\tI\u2019m\tglad\tI packed.\t The\t air\t down\t here\t is\t colder,\t fresher\t than\t I\u2019m\t used\t to.\t I\u2019m\t getting dressed\t and\t he\u2019s\t not\t watching.\t I\t hop\t slightly\t to\t get\t the\t jeans\t zipped\t up\t and\t he doesn\u2019t\tturn.\tI\tloudly\tsquirt\tperfume\tinto\tmy\tcleavage\tand\the\tdoesn\u2019t\teven\tflare a\tnostril. \u201cBreakfast\tis\tgoing\tto\tbe\tfine.\u201d \u201cYeah,\tsure,\u201d\the\tsays\tfaintly. I\t stick\t my\t feet\t into\t some\t flats\t and\t decide\t to\t leave\t my\t hair\t in\t its\t big\t messy damp\t bun.\t I\t walk\t up\t behind\t him\t and\t hug\t his\t waist,\t resting\t my\t cheekbone against\tthe\tlower\tcurve\tof\this\tshoulder\tblade. \u201cTell\tme\twhat\u2019s\twrong.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\t a\t one-night\t stand.\t This\t is\t everything\t I\u2019ve\t been\t trying\t to\t avoid.\t I\u2019ve been\ttrying\tto\tbuild\tsomething,\tnot\tgive\tyou\tsome\tsense\tof\tclosure.\u201d \u201cNo!\tHey.\tHow\thave\tI\tmade\tyou\tfeel\tthis\tway?\u201d\tI\ttug\ton\this\telbow\tuntil\the faces\tme. \u201cYou\u2019re\tconstantly\ttalking\tlike\tit\u2019s\talready\tover.\tA\tlipstick\tkiss\tto\tremember you\tby?\tWhy\tam\tI\tgoing\tto\tneed\treminding,\texactly?\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re\tnot\tworking\ttogether\tmuch\tlonger.\u201d","\u201cI\thaven\u2019t\twanted\tyou\tthis\tlong,\tand\tgone\tthrough\tso\tmuch,\tand\tgiven\tup\tso much,\tto\thave\tyou\tfor\tone\tnight.\tIt\u2019s\tnot\tenough.\u201d He\u2019s\t right,\t of\t course.\t The\t interview\t result\t hangs\t over\t us\t like\t a\t scythe.\t A flash\tof\timpatience\thits\tme. \u201cCan\tI\tstay\tat\tyour\tplace\ttonight?\u201d\tIt\u2019s\tall\tI\tcan\tthink\tof\tto\tsay.\t\u201cCan\tI\tsleep in\tyour\tbed?\u201d \u201cI\tguess,\u201d\the\tsays\tsulkily,\tand\tI\ttug\thim\tby\tthe\tloops\ton\this\tjeans\tover\tto\this suitcase. I\t look\t back\t at\t the\t bed.\t How\t so\t much\t could\t have\t changed\t in\t one\t space? Maybe\the\u2019s\tthinking\tthe\tsame\tthing.\tHe\tkisses\tmy\teyebrow\tso\tgently\tI\tfeel\ttears begin\tto\tprick\tbehind\tmy\teyes. I\tcatch\ta\tglimpse\tof\tthe\treceipt\twhen\twe\tcheck\tout.\tIt\twas\troughly\ta\tweek\u2019s rent\tfor\tthis\tmagical\thotel\troom.\tHe\tslashes\this\tsignature\tlike\tZorro\tonto\tit,\tand hugs\tme\tclose.\tMy\tcheek\tpresses\tagainst\this\tperfect\tpectoral. \u201cAnd\tdid\tyou\thave\ta\tnice\tstay?\u201d The\t elegantly\t groomed\t receptionist\t is\t smiling\t a\t little\t too\t widely\t at\t Josh\t as she\t processes\t the\t checkout.\t She\t seems\t to\t be\t willfully\t ignoring\t my\t presence,\t or maybe\t she\u2019s\t just\t dazzled.\t I\t look\t at\t her\t slicked-back\t blond-coil\t hairdo.\t Her chalky\tpink\tlipstick\tis\ttoo\tbright\tagainst\ther\ttan.\tHotel\tBarbie. \u201cYes,\tthanks,\u201d\the\treplies\tabsently.\t\u201cGreat\twater\tpressure\tin\tthe\tshower.\u201d I\tlook\tup\tat\this\tface\tand\twatch\tthe\tcorner\tof\this\tmouth\tquirk,\tthe\tlittle\tsmile line\tdeepening. The\t receptionist\t is\t definitely\t imagining\t him\t in\t the\t shower.\t Her\t eyes\t stray from\t bicep\t to\t computer\t screen.\t Screen\t to\t his\t face.\t She\t staples\t and\t folds\t and searches\tfor\tthe\tperfect\tlittle\tenvelope\tfor\this\treceipt,\teven\tthough\tthe\tcustomer at\tthe\tnext\tcounter\tdidn\u2019t\tget\tone. She\t fiddles\t and\t does\t a\t dozen\t other\t little\t things\t so\t she\t can\t look\t at\t little segments\t of\t him.\t She\t tells\t him\t about\t their\t loyalty\t program\t and\t how\t his\t next checkin\twill\t be\t with\t a\t free\t bottle\t of\twine,\t and\t probably\t her,\t draped\t across\t his bed.\tShe\treconfirms\this\taddress\tand\tphone\tnumber. I\u2019m\t gimlet-eyed\t with\t annoyance.\t He\t doesn\u2019t\t notice,\t and\t begins\t kissing\t my temple.\tWho\tcan\tblame\ther,\tthough? A\t man\t built\t like\t this,\t with\t a\t face\t like\t this,\t being\t so\t ridiculously\t sweet\t and tender?\t I\u2019d\t die\t a\t little\t too,\t watching\t this,\t and\t I\u2019m\t the\t one\t on\t the\t receiving\t end. It\u2019s\t like\t seeing\t a\t bruised\t nightclub\t bouncer\t cuddling\t a\t tutu-clad\t toddler,\t or\t a cage\t fighter\t blowing\t a\t kiss\t to\t his\t sweetheart\t in\t the\t front\t row.\t Brute,\t raw masculinity\tcontrasted\twith\tgentleness\tis\tthe\tmost\tattractive\tthing\ton\tearth.","Josh\tis\tthe\tmost\tattractive\tthing\ton\tearth. I\twatch\ther\teyes\tharden\tspeculatively\tas\tshe\tglances\tat\tme.\tI\tspread\tmy\thand across\this\tchest.\tIt\tsays,\tmine.\tThe\ttiny\tjealous\tcavewoman\tin\tme\tcan\u2019t\tresist. \u201cShall\twe\tbring\tyour\tcar?\u201d \u201cYes,\u201d\tJosh\tsays\tat\tthe\tsame\tmoment\tI\tsay,\t\u201cNo.\u201d \u201cNo,\twe\u2019re\thaving\tbreakfast.\tCan\twe\tleave\tour\tbags\there?\u201d \u201cOf\tcourse.\u201d\tShe\tchecks\tJosh\u2019s\tbare\tleft\thand.\tMy\tbare\tleft\thand. \u201cThank\tyou,\tMr.\tTempleman.\u201d \u201cI\tneed\ta\tfake\twedding\tband\ton\tyou\tif\twe\tever\tcame\tback,\u201d\tI\tgrumble\tas\twe walk\tthrough\tthe\tlobby\tto\tthe\trestaurant. Josh\tnearly\ttrips\tover\this\town\tfoot.\t\u201cWhy\ton\tearth\twould\tyou\tsay\tthat?\u201d We\t walk\t past\t the\t ballroom\t and\t I\t can\t see\t cleaners\t taking\t down\t the\t huge bunches\tof\tMindy-pink\tballoons. \u201cThe\t receptionist\t wanted\t to\t jump\t on\t you.\t I\t can\u2019t\t blame\t her,\t but\t sheesh.\t I was\tstanding\tright\tthere.\tWhat\tam\tI,\tinvisible?\u201d Josh\tlooks\tat\tme\tsideways.\t\u201cHow\tprimal.\u201d We\tpush\tthrough\tthe\tglass\tdouble\tdoors\tand\the\tpulls\tme\tto\tone\tside.\tI\tcrane around\tthe\tdoorframe.\tI\tcan\tsee\this\tfamily.\tI\traise\tmy\thand\tto\twave\tbut\the\ttugs me\tback\tand\tscolds\tme\tunintelligibly. \u201cIt\u2019s\ta\tbuffet.\u201d\tMy\tdelight\tis\tevident\tin\tmy\tvoice.\t\u201cLook\tat\tthose\tcroissants, plain\tand\tchocolate.\tQuick,\tthere\u2019s\tnot\tmany\tleft.\u201d \u201cI\tam\tgoing\tto\tappeal\tto\tyou\tone\tlast\ttime.\tLet\u2019s\tjust\tgo.\tThings\twent\tpretty well\tyesterday,\tfamily-wise.\tLet\u2019s\tcut\tour\tlosses.\u201d \u201cAnd\twhat,\tscreech\tout\tof\there\tlike\tThelma\tand\tLouise?\u201d \u201cThey\tall\tloved\tyou.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\t immensely\t lovable.\t Josh,\t come\t on.\t Croissants.\t I\u2019m\t here\t with\t you.\t No one\twill\thurt\tyou\tas\tlong\tas\tI\u2019m\there.\tI\u2019ve\tgot\tmy\tinvisible\tpaintball\tgun.\tTake me\t in\t there,\t feed\t me\t pastry,\t and\t then\t drive\t me\t back\t to\t your\t pretty\t blue bedroom.\u201d He\t presses\t a\t little\t kiss\t to\t my\t lips.\t I\t look\t over\t my\t shoulder\t at\t the\t reception desk. \u201cCome\t on,\t be\t brave.\t Forget\t about\t your\t dad\t and\t focus\t on\t your\t mom.\t Be\t a gentleman.\tI\u2019m\tgoing\tin.\u201d I\t weave\t through\t the\t room\t and\t I\t have\t no\t idea\t if\t he\u2019s\t following.\t If\t he\u2019s\t not, this\tis\tgoing\tto\tbe\ta\tlittle\tawkward.","Chapter\t27 At\t the\t table\t by\t the\t window\t sits\t Elaine\t and\t Anthony,\t and\t Mindy\t and\t Patrick. Everyone\t stops\t talking\t when\t I\t approach.\t I\t wave\t like\t a\t dork.\t Everyone\t looks surprised. \u201cHi.\u201d \u201cLucy!\tHello!\u201d\tElaine\trecovers\tfirst\tand\tlooks\tat\tthe\ttable.\tOh.\tThere\tare\tno spare\t chairs.\t We\u2019re\t barely\t five\t minutes\t late.\t They\t clearly\t weren\u2019t\t expecting\t us to\tturn\tup.\tJosh\tis\tdawdling,\tthankfully. \u201cQuick,\tquick!\u201d\tI\tstart\tlooking\taround\tat\tother\ttables. \u201cMore\tchairs,\u201d\tElaine\tgasps.\tShe\tunderstands\tperfectly.\tIf\the\twalks\tover\there and\tthere\tare\tno\tseats\tfor\tus,\the\u2019ll\tshrivel\tup. Anthony\t sits\t at\t the\t daddy-end\t of\t the\t table\t and\t continues\t reading\t his\t folded up\t newspaper.\t No\t wait,\t medical\t journal.\t Jeez.\t He\t makes\t no\t indication\t he\u2019s aware\tof\tany\tother\tpeople\tin\tthe\troom. There\u2019s\ta\tgreat\tdeal\tof\tshuffling\tand\tI\tmanage\tto\tborrow\tspare\tchairs\tfrom\ta nearby\ttable.\tBy\tthe\ttime\tJosh\tarrives\twith\ta\tplate\tof\tcroissants\tand\ta\tcup\tof\ttea, we\u2019re\tall\tsitting\tas\tcasually\tas\twe\tcan,\ttrying\tto\tslide\tthe\tplates\tback\tin\tfront\tof their\toriginal\towners. \u201cGood\tmorning,\u201d\teveryone\tchimes. \u201cHi,\u201d\the\tsays\tcautiously,\tand\tputs\tthe\tplate\tand\ttea\tin\tfront\tof\tme.\t\u201cI\tgot\tyou the\tlast\tones.\u201d\tIt\u2019s\ta\tplate\tfilled\twith\tcroissants\tand\tstrawberries.\tHe\tstrokes\this hand\tdown\tthe\tside\tof\tmy\tneck. \u201cSweet\tof\tyou.\tThanks.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll\tjust\tget\tsomething,\u201d\the\tsays,\tand\tretreats.\tElaine\twatches\thim,\tpart\tsad, part\tamused,\tand\tlooks\tat\tAnthony. I\t smile\t at\t Mindy\t to\t show\t I\u2019m\t not\t upset\t anymore.\t I\t probably\t have\t a\t nuclear post-orgasmic\tglow.\tShe\ttentatively\tsmiles\tback. \u201cHow\tdo\tyou\tfeel,\tMrs.\tTempleman?\u201d I\t didn\u2019t\t put\t too\t much\t thought\t into\t the\t question,\t but\t the\t words\t Mrs. Templeman\tmake\ther\tphysically\tjolt.\tMaybe\tI\u2019m\texceptionally\tempathetic,\tbut\tI"]
Search
Read the Text Version
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- 8
- 9
- 10
- 11
- 12
- 13
- 14
- 15
- 16
- 17
- 18
- 19
- 20
- 21
- 22
- 23
- 24
- 25
- 26
- 27
- 28
- 29
- 30
- 31
- 32
- 33
- 34
- 35
- 36
- 37
- 38
- 39
- 40
- 41
- 42
- 43
- 44
- 45
- 46
- 47
- 48
- 49
- 50
- 51
- 52
- 53
- 54
- 55
- 56
- 57
- 58
- 59
- 60
- 61
- 62
- 63
- 64
- 65
- 66
- 67
- 68
- 69
- 70
- 71
- 72
- 73
- 74
- 75
- 76
- 77
- 78
- 79
- 80
- 81
- 82
- 83
- 84
- 85
- 86
- 87
- 88
- 89
- 90
- 91
- 92
- 93
- 94
- 95
- 96
- 97
- 98
- 99
- 100
- 101
- 102
- 103
- 104
- 105
- 106
- 107
- 108
- 109
- 110
- 111
- 112
- 113
- 114
- 115
- 116
- 117
- 118
- 119
- 120
- 121
- 122
- 123
- 124
- 125
- 126
- 127
- 128
- 129
- 130
- 131
- 132
- 133
- 134
- 135
- 136
- 137
- 138
- 139
- 140
- 141
- 142
- 143
- 144
- 145
- 146
- 147
- 148
- 149
- 150
- 151
- 152
- 153
- 154
- 155
- 156
- 157
- 158
- 159
- 160
- 161
- 162
- 163
- 164
- 165
- 166
- 167
- 168
- 169
- 170
- 171
- 172
- 173
- 174
- 175
- 176
- 177
- 178
- 179
- 180
- 181
- 182
- 183
- 184
- 185
- 186
- 187
- 188
- 189
- 190
- 191
- 192
- 193
- 194
- 195
- 196
- 197
- 198
- 199
- 200
- 201
- 202
- 203
- 204
- 205
- 206
- 207
- 208
- 209
- 210
- 211
- 212
- 213
- 214
- 215
- 216
- 217
- 218
- 219
- 220
- 221
- 222
- 223
- 224
- 225
- 226
- 227
- 228
- 229
- 230
- 231
- 232
- 233
- 234
- 235
- 236
- 237
- 238
- 239
- 240
- 241
- 242
- 243
- 244
- 245
- 246
- 247
- 248
- 249
- 250
- 251
- 252
- 253
- 254
- 255
- 256
- 257
- 258
- 259
- 260
- 261
- 262
- 263
- 264
- 265
- 266
- 267
- 268
- 269
- 270
- 271
- 272
- 273
- 274
- 275
- 276
- 277
- 278
- 279
- 280
- 281
- 282
- 283
