The Hating Game

["feel\t like\t I\u2019ve\t dropped\t a\t bombshell.\t The\t words\t ring\t in\t my\t ears,\t off\t the\t walls, right\tthrough\tmy\tbones. Mrs.\tTempleman.\tHow\tprimal,\tindeed. \u201cWrecked.\t I\u2019m\t so\t tired\t I\t feel\t like\t I\u2019m\t dreaming.\t But\t in\t a\t good\t way.\u201d\t She breaks\tinto\ta\tsmile\tand\tlooks\tat\tthe\ttablecloth. \u201cMrs.\tTempleman.\tIt\tsounds\tso\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tShe\tcovers\ther\tface\twith\ther\thands\tand sighs\tand\tlaughs\tand\tdorks.\tGet\tout\tof\tmy\thead,\tMindy. \u201cSorry\twe\ttook\ta\tsmaller\ttable,\u201d\tElaine\tbegins,\tbut\tI\tshake\tmy\thead. \u201cIt\u2019s\tokay.\tI\thad\tto\tuse\tmy\tlasso\tto\tget\thim\tdown\there.\u201d\tI\tmime\tswinging\ta rope\t over\t my\t head\t and\t the\t women\t burst\t out\t laughing.\t The\t men\t sit\t silently, reading\tand\teating. \u201cI\t can\t imagine\t it.\t Little\t cowgirl\t dragging\t him\t behind\t her,\t bucking\t and snorting.\u201d \u201cI\t don\u2019t\t know\t why\t he\t makes\t such\t a\t big\t deal\t of\t everything,\u201d\t Patrick interjects\tmildly,\ttaking\ta\tquick\twincing\tmouthful\tof\this\tcoffee. I\t have\t a\t feeling\t he\u2019s\t always\t so\t busy\t he\t eats\t all\t of\t his\t meals\t in\t painful scalding\t gulps\t and\t swallows.\t Maybe\t it\u2019s\t a\t doctor\t thing.\t Ingest\t the\t fuel\t rather than\tenjoy\tit. \u201cHe\u2019s\tshy.\tLeave\thim\talone.\u201d Patrick\t frowns\t at\t my\t kid-sister\t impudence,\t and\t then\t laughs.\t He\t glances\t at Josh. \u201cShy.\tHuh.\u201d\tI\tcan\tsee\tthe\trealization\tdawning\tacross\this\tface,\tlike\tit\tdid\tmine yesterday.\tShyness\ttakes\tso\tmany\tdifferent\tforms.\tSome\tpeople\tare\tshy\tand\tsoft. Some,\t shy\t and\t hard.\t Or\t in\t Josh\u2019s\t case,\t shy,\t and\t wrapped\t in\t military-grade armor. \u201cJosh,\t Lucy,\t thank\t you\t for\t the\t gift,\u201d\t Mindy\t says\t when\t Josh\t takes\t his\t seat. She\tcatches\tmy\teye\tand\tsmiles,\tclearly\tthinking\tI\tchose\tit. \u201cI\tnever\tdid\tsee\twhat\the\tended\tup\tchoosing.\u201d\tI\ttake\ta\thuge\tbite\tof\tcroissant. He\u2019s\tgot\tone\tarm\tacross\tthe\tback\tof\tmy\tchair,\this\twarm\thand\tspread\tacross\tmy shoulder. \u201cThe\t most\t beautiful\t set\t of\t Waterford\t crystal\t champagne\t glasses,\t engraved with\tour\tinitials.\tAnd\ttwo\tbottles\tof\tMo\u00ebt.\u201d \u201cGood\tjob,\tJosh.\u201d \u201cThe\twedding\twas\tnice,\u201d\tJosh\ttells\ther.\tI\tlook\tat\this\teyes\tas\tthey\tassess\teach other.\t It\u2019s\t probably\t the\t first\t time\t they\u2019ve\t faced\t each\t other\t since\t the\t breakup.\t I almost\tquiver\twith\tconcentration,\ttrying\tto\tdetect\t any\tresidual\theartbreak,\tlust, resentment,\tloneliness.\tIf\tI\thad\twhiskers,\tthey\twould\tbe\ttwitching.","\u201cThanks,\u201d\t Mindy\t replies.\t She\t looks\t at\t her\t wedding\t ring\t again\t and\t then\t at Patrick\twith\tsuch\thelpless\tdevotion\tI\tlook\tat\tJosh\tsharply.\tIf\tever\the\twas\tgoing to\t react\t badly\t it\t would\t be\t now.\t He\t smiles,\t looks\t at\t his\t plate,\t and\t then\t looks\t at me.\tHe\tkisses\tmy\ttemple\tand\tI\u2019m\tconvinced. \u201cHow\thave\tyou\tkept\tLucy\ta\tsecret\tfrom\tus\tall?\u201d\tMindy\tsays\tas\tshe\tcuts\ther grapefruit. \u201cOh,\tyou\tknow.\tI\tkeep\ther\tin\tmy\tbasement.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\t not\t as\t bad\t as\t it\t sounds.\t He\u2019s\t made\t it\t comfy\t down\t there.\u201d\t Everyone laughs,\texcept\tAnthony,\tnaturally. I\t have\t a\t refreshing\t realization.\t I\u2019m\t not\t trying.\t It\t explains\t why\t I\u2019m\t so comfortable\tsitting\there,\teating\twith\tstrangers.\tIf\tthey\tlike\tme,\tfine.\tIf\tnot,\tI\tcan live.\t But\t I\t feel\t the\t same\t relaxed\t slouchy\t feeling\t I\t get\t when\t sitting\t with\t my family.\tIf\tI\ttilt\tmy\thead\tjust\tright,\tI\tcan\u2019t\tsee\tAnthony\tat\tall. Mindy\t lists\t some\t of\t the\t other\t gifts\t they\t received.\t Patrick\u2019s\t new\t gold\t band winks\t in\t the\t pale\t sunshine\t filtering\t in\t through\t the\t clouds,\t and\t he\t occasionally curls\this\tthumb\tin\tto\ttouch\tit.\tMindy\twatches\thim,\ttenderness\tin\ther\teyes. Josh\u2019s\t breakfast\t is\t two\t poached\t eggs,\t a\t slice\t of\t wheat\t toast,\t and\t a\t heap\t of wilted\tspinach.\tHe\tdrinks\this\tcoffee\tin\ttwo\tswallows.\tI\tlook\tat\tmy\town\tplate\tand pinch\tmy\tstomach\tunder\tthe\ttable.\tHis\tbody\tis\ta\ttemple.\tMine\twill\tbe\ta\thut\tmade of\tbutter\tat\tthis\trate. \u201cMore\tcoffee?\u201d\tI\tget\tup\tand\tdecide\tto\tbring\tmyself\tback\tsome\tmore\tfruit.\tI can\u2019t\tjust\tsit\tthere\teating\tpastry.\tHe\tsnags\tmy\twrist\tand\tlooks\tup\tat\tme. Stay,\t his\t eyes\t tell\t me.\t I\t pat\t him\t kindly\t and\t he\t reluctantly\t relinquishes\t his mug. \u201cI\u2019ll\tbe\tright\tback.\tAnyone\telse?\u201d I\ttake\tmy\ttime\tfiddling\twith\tthe\tcoffee\tmachine.\tEverything\u2019s\ta\tlittle\tstilted and\tit\tdoes\toccur\tto\tme\tthat\tI\u2019m\tessentially\tan\tintruder.\tI\u2019m\tthe\tonly\tone\tat\tthe table\twho\u2019s\tnot\ta\tTempleman. As\tI\tstruggle\twith\tthe\tlong\tplastic\ttongs\tto\tget\tanother\tslice\tof\twatermelon,\tI am\tdimly\taware\tof\tsharp\ttones.\tI\u2019m\tpiling\tmy\tplate\twith\ta\tbunch\tof\tgrapes\twhen realization\tdawns.\tOh\tshit. I\t hurry\t back\t to\t the\t table\t and\t put\t down\t my\t plate\t and\t Josh\u2019s\t mug.\t Mindy\t is frozen,\teyes\tfrightened,\tand\tPatrick\tlooks\tresigned. \u201cBut\t what\t I\t want\t to\t know\t is,\t why\t would\t you\t throw\t away\t premed?\t Any monkey\t can\t get\t an\t MBA.\u201d\t Anthony\t has\t laid\t aside\t his\t breakfast\t reading\t and\t is staring\tdown\tJosh,\tgimlet-eyed. Seriously,\t I\t was\t away\t from\t the\t table\t for\t maybe\t two\t minutes.\t How\t did\t this","escalate\t so\t quickly?\t I\t suppose\t a\t nuclear\t bomb\t has\t one\t red\t button,\t and\t that doesn\u2019t\t take\t long\t to\t press.\t I\t put\t my\t hand\t on\t the\t back\t of\t Josh\u2019s\t neck,\t like\t I\u2019m holding\tan\tattack\tdog\tby\tthe\tcollar. \u201cFor\t fuck\u2019s\t sake.\t If\t you\t knew\t anything\t about\t it,\t you\u2019d\t know\t it\u2019s\t almost impossible\tto\tcomplete\tan\texecutive\tMBA\twhile\tworking\tfull-time.\tAnd\tI\tdid\tit. And\t I\t was\t in\t the\t top\t two\t percent.\t I\t got\t four\t job\t offers,\t and\t two\t of\t those companies\tstill\tcall\tme.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tsurprised\tyou\tfinished\tit,\tif\tit\twas\tso\t hard,\u201d\tAnthony\tsays.\t\u201cI\tthought your\tfavorite\thobby\twas\tquitting.\u201d \u201cHey,\u201d\tI\tblurt.\tI\u2019m\tstill\tstanding,\tand\tI\trealize\tI\thave\ta\thand\ton\tmy\thip. \u201cLucy,\tthey\u2019re\tjust\t.\t.\t.\u201d\tElaine\tis\tunsure\tof\twhat\tto\tdo.\t\u201cMaybe\tyou\tshould talk\tto\tJosh\toutside,\tAnthony.\u201d People\t at\t nearby\t tables\t are\t all\t sitting\t with\t cutlery\t lowered\t in\t various\t stages of\tavid\tinterest\tor\tawkward\tavoidance. Josh\t laughs\t meanly.\t \u201cWhy,\t so\t we\t can\t have\t a\t good\t old-fashioned\t fistfight? He\u2019d\tjust\tlove\tthat.\u201d Anthony\trolls\this\teyes.\t\u201cYou\tneed\tto\u2014\u201d \u201cToughen\t up?\t Is\t that\t what\t you\u2019re\t about\t to\t say\t to\t me?\t What\t you\u2019ve\t said\t to me\tfor\tas\tlong\tas\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\talive?\u201d\tJosh\tglances\tup\tat\tme\tin\texasperation.\t\u201cNow can\twe\tgo?\u201d \u201cI\tthink\tmaybe\tyou\tshould\ttalk\tthis\tout.\u201d\tAnother\tfive\tyears\tmight\tgo\tby. \u201cShe\u2019s\tone\tof\tthose\ttouchy-feely\ttypes,\u201d\tAnthony\tsays\tto\tElaine.\t\u201cFantastic.\u201d Josh\u2019s\teyes\tnarrow\tdangerously.\t\u201cDon\u2019t\ttalk\tabout\ther.\u201d \u201cWell,\tshe\tcan\u2019t\tresist\tbringing\therself\tinto\tit.\u201d \u201cBe\tquiet,\u201d\tElaine\tsays\tto\tAnthony.\tShe\u2019s\tfurious.\t\u201cAll\tI\tasked\twas\tfor\tyou to\tbe\tcivil.\tKeep\tyour\tmouth\tshut.\u201d I\tlook\tat\tAnthony\tand\the\tlooks\tat\tme.\tHis\teyes\tare\tfull\tof\tderision\tas\the\truns his\t eyes\t from\t the\t top\t of\t my\t head,\t down.\t Then\t he\t sniffs\t and\t looks\t out\t the window,\tobeying\this\twife,\tmouth\tpursed\tshut. Oh\tboy.\tI\u2019m\tnot\tputting\tup\twith\tthis\ttwice\tin\tmy\tlife,\tand\tcertainly\tnot\tfrom another\tTempleman.\tMy\ttemper\tsnaps. \u201cYour\t son\t is\t incredibly\t talented.\t Focused.\t Ridiculously\t intelligent.\t He\t is instrumental\tin\tkeeping\ta\tpublishing\thouse\trunning.\u201d \u201cWhat,\tlicking\tstamps?\tAnswering\tphones?\u201d\tWe\tlock\teyes. I\tbark\ta\tlaugh.\t\u201cIs\tthat\tseriously\twhat\tyou\tthink\the\tdoes?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tnot\tgoing\tto\tsit\there\tand\tbe\tspoken\tto\tlike\tthis\tby\tyou,\tyoung\twoman. I\u2019ve\t seen\t his\t email\t signature\t block.\t Assistant\t TO\t the\t CEO.\t I\t don\u2019t\t know\t who","you\tthink\tyou\tare.\u201d He\u2019s\t attempting\t to\t reestablish\t his\t authority.\t Maybe\t I\u2019ll\t sit\t down\t and\t be\t a good\t little\t girl.\t Josh\u2019s\t instinct\t to\t protect\t me\t is\t making\t him\t rise\t up\t out\t of\t his chair\tbut\tI\twave\thim\tback. I\tgot\tthis. \u201cI\u2019m\tthe\tperson\twho\tknows\tyour\town\toffspring\tbetter\tthan\tyou\tdo.\tHe\u2019s\tthe person\t the\t finance\t and\t sales\t divisions\t report\t to.\t They\u2019re\t scared\t fucking\t shitless of\t him.\t I\t once\t had\t a\t forty-five-year-old\t man\t beg\t me\t in\t the\t hall\t outside\t the boardroom\t to\t pass\t on\t the\t documents\t so\t he\t wouldn\u2019t\t have\t to\t attend.\t I\u2019ve\t seen entire\t teams\t scurrying\t like\t ants,\t double-checking,\t triple-checking\t their\t figures. Even\t then,\t Josh\t will\t always\t find\t the\t mistake.\t Then\t usually\t someone\t takes\t a stress\tday.\u201d Anthony\t begins\t to\t bluster\t something,\t but\t I\t cut\t him\t off.\t I\u2019m\t so\t worked\t up\t I could\t strangle\t him.\t Honestly,\t I\t could\t wrap\t my\t hands\t around\t his\t neck\t and squeeze. I\tam\tLara\tCroft,\tguns\traised,\teyes\tblazing\twith\tretribution. \u201cThe\t reason\t Bexley\t Books\t didn\u2019t\t completely\t implode\t before\t the\t merger\t is Josh\t recommended\t that\t their\t workforce\t be\t reduced\t by\t thirty-five\t percent.\t I\u2019ve hated\t him\t for\t it.\t It\t was\t cold-blooded.\t And\t he\t can\t be,\t you\t have\t no\t idea.\t But\t it meant\t another\t one\t hundred\t and\t twenty\t people\t kept\t their\t jobs.\t Paid\t their mortgages.\tSo\tdon\u2019t\tyou\tdare\ttry\tto\tmake\tout\tlike\the\u2019s\tnothing.\tOh,\tand\tI\tknow for\t a\t fact\t Josh\t was\t integral\t in\t the\t merger\t negotiations.\t One\t of\t the\t corporate lawyers\ttold\tme\tin\tthe\tkitchen\the\twas,\tquote,\t\u2018a\tfucking\thardass.\u2019\u201d I\tcan\u2019t\tseem\tto\tstop.\tIt\u2019s\tlike\tI\u2019m\tpurging\tsomething. \u201cHis\tboss,\twho\u2019s\tthe\tco-CEO\tin\ttitle\tonly,\tis\ta\tfat,\tsleazy\ttoad\tso\tout\tof\this mind\t on\t prescriptions\t he\t can\t barely\t tie\t a\t shoelace.\t Josh\t is\t who\t keeps\t it\t all running.\tBoth\tof\tus\tdo.\u201d I\tlook\tat\tthem\tall.\tJosh\tis\tdigging\this\tfingers\tinto\tthe\twaistband\tof\tmy\tjeans. \u201cI\u2019m\tsorry\tI\u2019m\t making\ta\t scene.\t And\tI\tlike\tall\tof\t you.\t Except\tyou.\u201d\tI\tcut\t a look\tat\tAnthony. \u201cI\tspend\tmore\ttime\twith\thim\tthan\tanyone,\tand\tI\thave\tto\ttell\tyou,\tyou\tdon\u2019t know\t what\t you\u2019ve\t got.\t You\u2019ve\t got\t Josh.\t He\u2019s\t an\t awkward,\t difficult\t asshole.\t I hate\t him\t almost\t half\t the\t time\t and\t he\t drives\t me\t mental,\t and\t it\u2019s\t clearly hereditary.\tYou\tgave\tme\tthe\texact\tsame\tlook\tJosh\tfirst\tdid\twhen\tI\tmet\thim.\tTop to\t bottom,\t out\t the\t window.\t You\t know\t everything\t about\t me?\t You\t know everything\tabout\thim?\tI\tdon\u2019t\tthink\tso.\u201d \u201cI\thave\tbeen\ttrying\tto\tgive\thim\ta\tboost.\tSome\tpeople\tneed\ta\tpush,\u201d\tAnthony","says. \u201cYou\t can\u2019t\t have\t it\t both\t ways.\t You\t can\u2019t\t completely\t neglect\t him,\t yet\t trash his\tchoices.\u201d Anthony\t raises\t a\t hand\t to\t his\t brow\t and\t rubs\t it\t like\t he\u2019s\t getting\t a\t headache. \u201cMy\tfather\tpushed\tmy\tyounger\tbrother.\u201d \u201cAnd\thow\tdid\the\tenjoy\tthat?\u201d His\teyes\tflick\tsideways.\tNot\ttoo\tmuch,\tI\u2019m\tguessing. \u201cHe\u2019s\tnot\ta\tdoctor.\tDeal\twith\tit.\u201d Anthony\tgoggles\tat\tme. \u201cBut\tI\twant\tyou\tto\tknow\tsomething.\tHe\tcould\tbe,\tif\the\twanted\tto.\tHe\tcould be\t anything\t he\t fucking\t wanted\t to.\t Nothing\t is\t by\t mistake.\t Nothing\t is\t because he\u2019s\tnot\tgood\tenough.\tIt\u2019s\this\tchoice.\u201d I\t sit\t down\t in\t a\t huff.\t Mindy\t and\t Patrick\t look\t at\t each\t other,\t mouths\t open. Hell,\tthe\t entire\t room\t is\tsitting\t with\t their\t mouths\t open.\t I\t hear\t someone\t start\tto clap,\tthen\thastily\tstop. \u201cI\u2019m\tsorry,\tElaine.\u201d\tI\ttake\ta\thuge\tmouthful\tof\ttea,\tnearly\tspilling\tit\tdown\tmy top.\tMy\thands\tare\tshaking. \u201cDon\u2019t\t apologize\t for\t defending\t him\t like\t that,\u201d\t she\t says\t faintly.\t I\t suppose what\tshe\tmeans\tby\tlike\tthat\tis\tlike\ta\trabid\tlioness. I\tfind\tthe\tcourage\tto\tlook\tat\tJosh.\tHe\tlooks\tcompletely\tshell-shocked. \u201cI\t .\t .\t .\u201d\t Anthony\t trails\t off\t and\t I\t level\t my\t best\t stare\t on\t him.\t The\t same withering,\temotionless\tglare\tI\u2019ve\tgiven\this\tson\ta\tthousand\ttimes\tbefore. \u201cI\t.\t.\t.\ter.\u201d\tHe\tclears\this\tthroat\tand\tlooks\tat\this\tcutlery. \u201cYes,\tDr.\tTempleman?\tCare\tto\tshare?\u201d\tMy\taudacity\tis\tbreathtaking. \u201cI\t don\u2019t\t know\t much\t about\t your\t work,\t Josh.\u201d\t Everyone\u2019s\t jaw\t drops\t even further.\tMine\tdoesn\u2019t.\tI\twill\tnever\tgive\thim\tthe\tsatisfaction.\tI\tstare\tinto\this\teyes and\tmentally\ttwist\ta\trusty\tfish\tknife\tinto\this\tgut.\tI\traise\tan\teyebrow. \u201cI\u2019d\t.\t.\t.\tbe\tinterested\tin\ttalking\tto\tyou\tmore\tabout\tit,\tJosh.\u201d I\t interject.\t \u201cNow\t that\t you\t know\t he\u2019s\t successful?\t Now\t you\t know\t that\t he\u2019ll almost\t certainly\t be\t promoted\t to\t chief\t operating\t officer\t of\t a\t major\t publishing house?\tYou\u2019ve\tgot\tsomething\tto\ttell\tyour\tbuddies\tat\tgolf\tnow.\u201d \u201cSquash,\u201d\tPatrick\ttells\tme\tin\tan\taside.\t\u201cHe\tplays\tsquash.\u201d I\thave\tgiven\tAnthony\tthe\tdressing-down\tof\ta\tlifetime.\tHe\tis\tunable\tto\tspeak. It\tis\twonderful. \u201cYou\t should\t love\t him\t and\t be\t proud\t of\t him\t even\t if\t he\u2019s\t in\t the\t mailroom. Even\tif\the\twere\tunemployed\tand\tcrazy\tand\tliving\tunder\ta\tbridge.\tWe\u2019re\tleaving now.\t Elaine,\t it\t was\t a\t pleasure,\t I\t loved\t meeting\t you.\t Mindy,\t Patrick,","congratulations\t again\t and\t enjoy\t your\t honeymoon.\t Sorry\t I\t made\t a\t scene\t just now.\tAnthony,\tit\u2019s\tbeen\treal.\u201d I\t stand\t up.\t \u201cNow\t we\t screech\t out\t of\t here\t like\t Thelma\t and\t Louise.\u201d\t Josh stands\tand\tgoes\tto\tkiss\this\tmother\u2019s\tcheek.\tShe\tgrasps\thelplessly\tat\this\twrist. \u201cBut\twhen\twill\tI\tsee\tyou?\u201d\tShe\tlooks\tup\tat\tJosh,\tbut\tshe\talso\tlooks\tto\tme. I\tcan\tsee\tJosh\u2019s\tjaw\ttightening,\tand\tI\tcan\talmost\thear\tthe\texcuses\tforming\ton his\t tongue.\t He\t might\t drop\t off\t the\t radar\t for\t the\t Templeman\t family\t altogether. The\tnext\tthing\tI\tsay\tsurprises\teven\tme.\tEspecially\tgiven\tthe\tfact\tI\u2019ve\tessentially just\tsaid\tgood-bye\tto\tthem\tall\tfor\tthe\tlast\ttime. \u201cIf\tyou\tcan\tcome\tup\tto\tthe\tcity\tsoon,\twe\tcould\tmeet\tyou\tfor\tlunch.\tWe\tcould go\tsee\ta\tmovie\tafter.\tAnthony,\tyou\u2019re\tinvited\ttoo.\u201d His\tjaw,\twhich\thas\tbeen\thinging\tloosely,\tsways\tin\tthe\tbreeze. \u201cBut\t only\t if\t you\u2019re\t prepared\t to\t be\t civil\t and\t start\t to\t get\t to\t know\t your\t son again.\tI\tthink\tyou\tknow\tthere\u2019s\tgoing\tto\tbe\tno\tmore\tragging\ton\tJosh.\tExcept\tby me,\tbecause\the\tloves\tit.\u201d \u201cYou\tand\tI\tare\tgoing\tto\thave\ta\tdiscussion.\tOutside.\tNow.\u201d\tElaine\tgets\tto\ther feet\tand\tpoints\tto\ta\tFrench\tdoor\tleading\tto\tthe\tside\tgardens.\tAnthony\tlooks\tlike\ta man\twalking\tto\tthe\tgallows.\tI\tknow\ta\tfellow\trabid\tlioness\twhen\tI\tsee\ther. I\ttake\tJosh\u2019s\thand\tand\twe\tweave\tthrough\tour\tspellbound\taudience. \u201cNo\tcharge,\u201d\tthe\tcashier\ttells\tme.\t\u201cLady,\tthat\twas\tbetter\tthan\ttheater.\u201d I\tretrieve\tour\tbags\tfrom\tthe\treceptionist,\tthankfully\tnot\tthe\tlustful\tblonde\tthis time.\tI\tprobably\twould\thave\troundhouse-kicked\ther\thead\toff.\tWalking\ttogether, matching\t our\t footfalls,\t we\t exit\t the\t lobby\t like\t two\t television\t district\t attorneys gunning\tfor\tjustice. I\task\tthe\tvalet\tfor\tour\tcar,\tand\tturn. \u201cOkay,\t let\t me\t have\t it.\u201d\t I\t just\t made\t an\t incredibly\t embarrassing\t scene.\t I\t can see\t people\t talking\t about\t me\t as\t they\t wait\t for\t their\t taxis.\t I\u2019m\t going\t to\t star\t in twenty\tdifferent\tretellings\tof\tThat\tRestaurant\tIncident. Josh\t picks\t me\t up\t off\t the\t ground.\t \u201cThank\t you,\u201d\t he\t tells\t me.\t \u201cThank\t you\t so much.\u201d When\twe\tkiss,\tI\thear\tsome\tapplause. \u201cYou\u2019re\tnot\tmad\tI\trescued\tyou?\tBoys\tdon\u2019t\tneed\trescuing.\u201d \u201cThis\tone\tdid.\tAnd\tI\u2019ll\teven\tlet\tyou\tchoose\twhich\tyou\twanna\tbe.\tThelma,\tor Louise,\u201d\the\ttells\tme,\tsetting\tme\ton\tmy\tfeet\tas\tthe\tcar\tarrives. \u201cYou\u2019re\tthe\tgood-looking\tone,\tI\tguess\tyou\u2019re\tThelma.\u201d He\t slides\t the\t driver\u2019s\t seat\t back.\t We\t drive\t about\t half\t a\t block\t before\t Josh bursts\tout\tlaughing.","\u201cYou\ttold\tmy\tdad\tit\thad\t\u2018been\treal.\u2019\u201d \u201cLike\tI\twas\ta\tbad\tTV\tscriptwriter\twho\tthought\tthat\u2019s\thow\tkids\ttalk.\u201d \u201cExactly.\tIt\twas\tso\tpriceless.\u201d\tHe\twipes\ta\ttear\taway\twith\this\tthumb. \u201cI\tfeel\tbad\tabout\tyour\tmom,\tthough.\tShe\tlooked\tso\tcompletely\tstricken.\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t\tyou\tworry,\tshe\tis\tgoing\tto\tkick\tthe\tshit\tout\tof\thim\tfor\tthat.\u201d \u201cI\thave\tno\tdoubt.\tIt\u2019s\twhy\tshe\tand\tI\tget\talong\tso\twell.\u201d He\t thinks\t for\t a\t few\t moments\t while\t driving.\t \u201cI\t don\u2019t\t know\t how\t I\t can\t move on\tfrom\tthis,\twith\tmy\tdad.\u201d \u201cNothing\u2019s\tinsurmountable.\u201d\tI\ttry\tto\tbelieve\tmy\town\twords. I\t roll\t down\t the\t window\t a\t little\t so\t the\t breeze\t is\t on\t my\t face.\t The\t sun\t is warming\tmy\tlegs\tand\tJosh\tis\tsmiling\tagain. I\tdo\tnot\teven\tlet\tmyself\tthink\tabout\thow\tit\tis\tall\tgoing\tto\tend. IF\t THE\t DRIVE\t normally\t takes\t five\t hours,\t I\t swear\t Josh\t cuts\t it\t down\t to\t three. But\t the\t hours\t mean\t nothing\t to\t us\t as\t we\t wind\t through\t the\t countryside,\t leaving the\tsea-salt\twind\tbehind\tus. The\tmemory\tis\tlit\tby\tthe\tsun\tthrough\tthe\ttrees\twe\tdrive\tthrough,\tnothing\tbut lemons\t and\t copper\t tones\t scattering\t across\t our\t arms,\t lighting\t our\t eyes\t up\t blue; his\t sapphire,\t mine\t turquoise.\t I\t see\t my\t face\t in\t the\t car\u2019s\t side\t mirror\t and\t I\t barely recognize\tmyself. I\u2019ve\tchanged.\tI\u2019m\tsomeone\tnew\ttoday.\tToday\tis\ta\tmomentous\tday. I\u2019ll\talways\tremember\tthe\tdrive\thome\tas\ta\tmovie\tmontage,\tand\tI\tknew\tI\twas in\tone.\tEach\tdetail\twas\tvividly\tbright.\tI\tknew\tI\u2019d\tneed\tthe\tmemories\tone\tday. This\tmontage\tis\tdirected\tby\tsomeone\tFrench.\tA\tconvertible\twould\thave\tbeen their\t preference,\t but\t the\t windows\t are\t down,\t so\t that\u2019s\t something.\t The\t air\t is unseasonably\twarm\tand\tscented\tlike\thoneysuckle\tand\tcut\tgrass. The\tmontage\tstars\tthis\tpretty\tgirl,\tFlamethrower-red\tmouth\tsmiling\tover\tat\ta beautiful\tman.\tHe\u2019s\tlooking\tso\tachingly\tcool\tin\this\tsunglasses\tyou\timmediately buy\ta\tpair\tfor\tyourself. He\t lifts\t her\t hand\t to\t his\t mouth\t and\t kisses\t it.\t Tells\t her\t something\t charming and\tmakes\ther\tlaugh.\tIt\u2019s\tthe\tsort\tof\tmoment\tyou\twant\tto\thit\tpause\ton\tand\tbuy whatever\tit\tis\tthey\u2019re\tselling. Happiness.\tA\tbetter\tlife.\tRed\tlipstick\tand\tthose\tsunglasses. The\tsoundtrack\tshould\tbe\ta\tlilting\tindie\taffair;\tequal\tparts\thopeful\tand\twith\ta broken,\t bittersweet\t lyric\t hook\t that\t makes\t your\t heart\t hurt\t for\t some\t unknown reason.\t But\t instead\t it\u2019s\t scored\t by\t the\t 1980s\t hair\t metal\t I\t found\t in\t an incriminating\tiPod\tplaylist\ttitled\tGym.","\u201cYou\tseriously\tgot\tthose\tabs\twhile\tlistening\tto\tPoison\tand\tBon\tJovi,\u201d\tI\tcrow, and\the\tcan\u2019t\tdeny\tit.\tIt\u2019s\tjust\tus,\twindows\tdown,\tstereo\tcranked,\tthe\troad\tcurling in\tfront\tof\tus\tlike\ta\ttongue. We\t sing\t along.\t The\t lyrics\t for\t songs\t I\t haven\u2019t\t heard\t in\t years\t fall\t out\t of\t my mouth.\t His\t fingers\t drum\t the\t steering\t wheel.\t Life\t right\t now\t is\t easier\t than breathing. We\tnever\tstop\tthe\tcar.\tIt\u2019s\tlike\tif\twe\tstop,\teven\tfor\ta\trest\tbreak,\treality\twill catch\tus.\tWe\u2019re\tbank\trobbers.\tKids\trunning\taway\tfrom\tboarding\tschool.\tEloping teenage\tsweethearts. There\u2019s\t a\t bottle\t of\t water\t in\t my\t bag,\t and\t Josh\u2019s\t tin\t of\t mints.\t We\t share,\t and it\u2019s\tbetter\tthan\ta\tbanquet. I\twill\teventually\tconfess\tto\tmyself\twhy\tthis\tmontage\tmeans\tso\tmuch.\tI\tcould try\t to\t believe\t it\t was\t because\t of\t Monday\t morning\t looming,\t and\t the\t one\t prize dangling\tabove\ttwo\tworthy\trecipients.\tMaybe\tit\twas\tbecause\tof\thow\talive\tI\tfelt. So\tcompletely\tyoung\tand\tfilled\tto\tbursting\twith\tthe\tscary,\tthrilling\tcertainty\tmy life\twas\tabout\tto\tchange\tin\ta\tbig\tway. Possibly\t it\t was\t the\t thrill\t of\t sticking\t it\t to\t the\t man\t and\t the\t heady\t rush\t of standing\t up\t to\t someone\t terrifying.\t The\t thrill\t of\t rescuing\t someone.\t Being\t the strong\tone.\tCarrying\tsomeone;\tcoddling\tand\tprotecting,\tdefending\tlike\ta\tlioness. Maybe\tit\twas\tthe\tsmell\tof\tspring\tin\tthe\tair;\tthe\tfield\tof\tfour-leaf\tclovers\twe pass.\tRed\troses\tagainst\ta\tfence.\tLeather\tseats\tand\tJosh\u2019s\tskin. No,\t it\t was\t something\t else;\t the\t new\t knowledge\t of\t something\t irreversible, permanent.\tIt\tcycled\tthrough\tmy\thead\twith\teach\trevolution\tof\tthe\tcar\u2019s\twheels, each\tpulse\tof\tblood\tin\tmy\tfrail\twhisper-thin\tveins.\tAt\tany\tmoment\ta\ttiny\tvalve could\t buckle\t under\t the\t pressure\t of\t the\t cholesterol\t from\t my\t croissants.\t At\t any moment\tI\tcould\tdie. But\t I\t don\u2019t.\t I\t fall\t asleep,\t my\t cheek\t against\t the\t warm\t seat,\t my\t face\t turned toward\thim,\tlike\tit\talways\thas\tbeen.\tLike\tit\talways\twill. I\topen\tmy\teyes\ta\ttiny\tcrack.\tWe\u2019re\tin\ta\tparking\tgarage. \u201cWe\u2019re\thome,\u201d\the\tsays. I\t think\t the\t unthinkable.\t I\t should\t have\t been\t thinking\t it\t all\t along.\t My\t eyes slide\tclosed\tand\tI\tfeign\tsleep. \u201cYou\tneed\tto\twake\tup,\u201d\the\twhispers.\tA\tkiss\ton\tmy\tcheek.\tA\tmiracle. I\tlove\tJoshua\tTempleman.","Chapter\t28 We\t walk\t into\t his\t apartment\t and\t he\t puts\t my\t overnight\t bag\t with\t his\t in\t the bedroom,\t like\t I\t am\t returning\t home.\t I\t use\t the\t bathroom\t and\t when\t I\t come\t out, he\u2019s\tmaking\tme\ta\tcup\tof\ttea\twith\tthe\tconcentration\tof\ta\tscientist. He\ttakes\tone\tlook\tat\tmy\tface.\t\u201cOh,\tno.\tDon\u2019t\ttell\tme.\u201d My\t stomach\t drops\t out\t of\t my\t body\t and\t I\t grip\t the\t edge\t of\t the\t counter.\t He knows.\tHe\u2019s\ta\tmind\treader.\tMy\teyes\tare\tlove-hearts. \u201cYou\u2019re\t completely\t freaking\t out,\u201d\t he\t states\t flatly.\t I\t can\u2019t\t do\t anything\t but make\tawkward\teye-slides\tand\tlip-nibbles.\tI\tlook\tat\this\tfront\tdoor.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tget\tpast him,\the\u2019ll\tbe\ttoo\tquick. \u201cNo\tchance.\tGet\ton\tthe\tcouch,\u201d\the\tscolds.\t\u201cGet.\tGo\ton.\u201d I\tslip\tmy\tshoes\toff\tand\tgo\tand\tscrunch\tmyself\tin\ta\tball\ton\this\tcouch,\thugging the\tribbon-cushion. He\u2019s\t right,\t I\t am\t completely\t freaking\t out.\t It\u2019s\t the\t mother\t of\t all\t freak-outs. I\u2019ve\tcompletely\tlost\tmy\tvoice. I\ttalk\tto\tmyself\tin\tthe\tprivacy\tof\tmy\thead. You\tlove\thim.\tYou\tlove\thim.\tYou\talways\thave.\tMore\tthan\tyou\u2019ve\tever\thated him.\t Every\t day,\t staring\t at\t this\t man,\t knowing\t every\t color\t and\t expression\t and nuance. Every\t game\t you\u2019ve\t ever\t played\t has\t been\t to\t engage\t with\t him.\t Talk\t to\t him. Feel\this\teyes\ton\tyou.\tTo\ttry\tto\tmake\thim\tnotice\tyou. \u201cI\u2019m\tsuch\tan\tidiot,\u201d\tI\tbreathe. I\topen\tmy\teyes\tand\tnearly\tscream.\tHe\u2019s\tstanding\tover\tme\twith\ta\tmug\tand\ta plate. \u201cI\t simply\t can\u2019t\t condone\t this\t level\t of\t freak-out,\u201d\t he\t says,\t and\t gives\t me\t a sandwich.\tHe\tputs\tthe\tmug\ton\tthe\tcoffee\ttable.\tHe\tdisappears\tfor\ta\tminute\tthen comes\tback\twith\tmy\tgray\tfleecy\tblanket. It\u2019s\tlike\the\tknows\tI\u2019ve\thad\tsome\tkind\tof\tshock.\tHe\ttucks\tme\tin\ton\tall\tsides, brings\t me\t an\t extra\t pillow.\t Who\t knows\t what\t my\t face\t looks\t like.\t I\t avoided looking\tat\tmyself\tin\tthe\tbathroom.","My\t teeth\t begin\t to\t chatter\t and\t I\t reach\t for\t what\t is\t quite\t a\t good-looking sandwich.\t No\t shoddy\t workmanship\t here.\t It\u2019s\t even\t cut\t in\t half\t diagonally;\t my favorite. I\t chew\t like\t a\t chipmunk,\t using\t my\t tiny\t prehensile\t paws\t to\t rip\t off\t the\t crust. I\u2019ve\tgot\tbright,\tshifty\tbutton\teyes\tand\tpuffed-up\tcheeks. \u201cYou\t have\t not\t said\t a\t word\t to\t me\t since\t I\t woke\t you\t up.\t You\t look\t shell- shocked.\tYour\thands\tare\tshaking.\tLow\tblood\tsugar?\tBad\tdreams?\tCarsick?\u201d He\tdiscards\this\tplate,\this\tsandwich\tuntouched. \u201cYou\u2019re\t still\t tired.\t You\t have\t stomach\t pains.\u201d\t Josh\t begins\t to\t rub\t my\t feet through\tthe\tblanket.\tWhen\the\tspeaks\tagain,\tit\u2019s\tso\tlow\tI\tcan\tbarely\thear. \u201cYou\u2019ve\trealized\twhat\ta\tmistake\tyou\u2019ve\tmade,\tbeing\twith\tme.\u201d \u201cNo,\u201d\tI\tblurt\tthrough\tmy\tmouthful.\tI\tclose\tmy\teyes.\tThe\tworried\tline\ton\this brow\tis\tkilling\tme. \u201cNo?\u201d I\tfeel\tterrible.\tI\u2019m\truining\twhat\twas\tthe\tbeautiful\tbubble\tof\tenergy\tfrom\tour drive\thome. \u201cToday\tis\tSunday,\u201d\tI\trespond\tafter\ta\tlot\tof\tdeliberation. \u201cTomorrow\tis\tMonday,\u201d\the\treturns.\tWe\tboth\tsip\tfrom\tour\tmugs.\tThe\tStaring Game\t has\t commenced,\t and\t I\t am\t welling\t up\t with\t questions\t I\t am\t dying\t to\t ask, but\tI\thave\tno\tidea\thow\tto\tgo\tabout\tit. \u201cTruth\tor\tDare,\u201d\the\tsays.\tHe\talways\tknows\tthe\texact\tright\tthing\tto\tsay. \u201cDare.\u201d \u201cCoward.\tOkay,\tI\tdare\tyou\tto\teat\tthe\tentire\tjar\tof\thot\tmustard\tI\thave\tin\tmy fridge.\u201d \u201cI\twas\thoping\tfor\ta\tsexy\tdare.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll\tget\tyou\ta\tspoon.\u201d \u201cTruth.\u201d \u201cWhy\tare\tyou\tfreaking\tout?\u201d\tHe\ttakes\ta\tbite\tof\tsandwich. I\t sigh\t so\t deeply\t my\t lungs\t hurt.\t \u201cI\t wasn\u2019t\t ready\t for\t this,\t and\t I\t am\t having some\tscary\tfeelings\tand\tthoughts.\u201d He\t studies\t me,\t looking\t for\t any\t trace\t of\t lie.\t He\t can\u2019t\t find\t any.\t It\u2019s abbreviated,\tbut\tit\u2019s\tthe\ttruth. \u201cTruth\tor\tDare?\u201d \u201cTruth,\u201d\t he\t says,\t unblinking.\t There\t is\t some\t low\t afternoon\t light\t coming through\tthe\twindows\tand\tI\tcan\tsee\tthe\tcobalt\tfacets\tof\this\teyes.\tI\thave\tto\tclose mine\ta\tmoment\tuntil\tthe\tpain\tof\this\tbeauty\teases. \u201cWhat\t are\t the\t marks\t in\t your\t planner?\u201d\t It\t pops\t into\t my\t head.\t He\t didn\u2019t","answer\tlast\ttime;\tI\tdoubt\the\twill\tnow. He\tsmiles\tand\tlooks\tat\this\tplate.\t\u201cIt\u2019s\ta\tbit\tjuvenile.\u201d \u201cI\u2019d\texpect\tnothing\tless\tof\tyou.\u201d \u201cI\t record\t whether\t you\u2019re\t wearing\t a\t dress\t or\t skirt.\t D,\t or\t S.\t I\t make\t a\t mark when\twe\targue,\tand\tI\tmake\ta\tmark\twhen\tI\tsee\tyou\tsmile\tat\tsomeone\telse.\tAlso, when\tI\twish\tI\tcould\tkiss\tyou.\tThe\tdots\tare\tjust\tmy\tlunch\tbreak.\u201d \u201cOh.\tWhy?\u201d\tMy\tstomach\ttrills. He\t considers.\t \u201cWhen\t you\t get\t so\t little\t of\t someone,\t you\t take\t what\t you\t can get.\u201d \u201cHow\tlong\thave\tyou\tdone\tit?\u201d \u201cSince\t the\t second\t day\t of\t B\t and\t G.\t The\t first\t day\t was\t a\t bit\t of\t a\t blur.\t I\u2019ve always\tmeant\tto\tcompile\tsome\tstats.\tSorry.\tSaying\tit\taloud\tsounds\tinsane.\u201d \u201cI\t wish\t I\u2019d\t thought\t of\t doing\t it,\t if\t it\t makes\t you\t feel\t better.\t I\u2019m\t equally insane.\u201d \u201cYou\tcracked\tthe\tshirt\tcode\tpretty\tquick.\u201d \u201cWhy\tdo\tyou\teven\twear\tthem\tin\tsequence?\u201d \u201cI\twanted\tto\tsee\tif\tyou\tnoticed.\tAnd\tonce\tyou\tdid\tnotice,\tit\tpissed\tyou\toff.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve\talways\tnoticed.\u201d \u201cYeah,\t I\t know.\u201d\t He\t smiles,\t and\t I\t smile\t too.\t I\t feel\t him\t take\t my\t foot\t in\t his hands\tand\the\tbegins\tto\trub. \u201cThose\tdays-of-the-week\tshirts\thave\tbeen\toddly\tcomforting.\u201d\tI\tlie\tback\tand look\tat\tthe\tceiling.\t\u201cNo\tmatter\twhat\u2019s\tgoing\ton,\tI\tknow\tI\u2019m\tgoing\tto\twalk\tin\tand see\t white.\t Off-white.\t Cream.\t Pale\t yellow.\t Mustard.\t Baby\t blue.\t Bedroom\t blue. Dove.\tNavy.\tBlack.\u201d\tI\u2019m\tticking\tthem\toff\ton\tmy\tfingers. \u201cYou\t forgot,\t poor\t old\t mustard\t has\t been\t replaced.\t Anyway,\t you\t won\u2019t\t be seeing\tmy\tstupid\tshirts\tsoon.\tMr.\tBexley\thas\ttold\tthe\tinterview\tpanel\tto\thave\ta decision\tby\tFriday.\u201d \u201cBut\tthat\u2019s\tonly\ta\tday\tafter\tthe\tinterview.\u201d\tI\u2019d\tthought\tmaybe\tthere\twould\tbe a\t week\t or\t two\t of\t deliberation.\t I\u2019m\t going\t to\t either\t be\t victorious\t or\t unemployed next\tFriday?\t\u201cI\tfeel\tsick.\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s\t told\t them\t if\t they\t haven\u2019t\t worked\t out\t who\u2019s\t the\t right\t candidate\t five minutes\tinto\tthe\tinterview,\tthey\u2019re\tmorons.\u201d \u201cHe\tbetter\tnot\ttry\tto\tsway\tthe\tinterview\tpanel.\tWe\tneed\tthis\tto\tbe\tfair.\tUgh,\tI hadn\u2019t\tthought\tabout\treporting\tto\tMr.\tBexley\tdirectly,\twithout\tyou\tas\tthe\tbuffer. I\ttell\tyou,\tJosh,\tthe\tman\thas\tx-ray\teyes.\u201d \u201cI\twant\tto\tblind\thim\twith\tacid.\u201d \u201cYou\tkeep\ta\tvial\tof\tacid\tin\tyour\tdrawer?\u201d","\u201cYou\tshould\tknow.\tYou\u2019ve\tbeen\tsnooping\tin\tmy\tdesk\tand\tplanner.\u201d There\t is\t censure\t in\t his\t tone\t but\t his\t eyes\t remain\t friendly\t as\t he\t slides\t his thumb\tinto\tmy\tarch\tand\tmakes\tme\tpurr. \u201cYou\u2019d\tresign,\tif\tI\tgot\tthe\tjob?\u201d\tHe\tsays\tit\tgently. \u201cYes.\t I\u2019m\t sorry,\t but\t I\u2019d\t have\t to.\t At\t first\t it\t was\t my\t pride\t making\t me\t say\t it. But\t now\t it\u2019s\t clearly\t the\t only\t option.\t I\t want\t you\t to\t know,\t that\t if\t they\t decide you\u2019re\t a\t better\t fit\t for\t the\t role,\t I\u2019ll\t resign\t happily.\t I\u2019ll\t be\t happy\t for\t you,\t Josh,\t I swear.\tI\tknow\tmore\tthan\tanyone\thow\thard\tyou\u2019ve\tworked\tfor\tit.\u201d I\t arch\t a\t little\t and\t sigh.\t \u201cYou\u2019d\t be\t my\t boss.\t It\u2019d\t be\t hot\t as\t hell,\t making\t out with\tthe\tCOO\tevery\tchance\tI\tgot,\tbut\twe\u2019d\tget\tcaught\tfor\tsure.\u201d \u201cBut\tif\tyou\tget\tit?\u201d \u201cI\t can\u2019t\t expect\t you\t to\t resign,\t but\t I\t can\u2019t\t be\t your\t boss.\t I\u2019d\t give\t you inappropriate\ttasks\tand\tJeanette\twould\thave\ta\tstroke.\u201d \u201cAnd\tif\tI\twere\tyour\tboss,\tI\u2019d\twork\tyou\tso\tfucking\thard.\tSo\tfucking\thard.\u201d \u201cMmmm.\tI\u2019d\thave\tdirty\tdreams\tall\tnight.\u201d \u201cYou\ttold\tmy\tparents\tI\twas\tprobably\tabout\tto\tbe\tchief\toperating\tofficer.\tDid you\t mean\t it,\t or\t were\t you\t just\t adding\t to\t your\t long\t list\t of\t brags\t about\t me?\t It\u2019s okay\tif\tyou\tdidn\u2019t\tmean\tit.\u201d \u201cIf\t I\t were\t the\t recruiting\t panel,\t I\u2019d\t look\t at\t our\t CVs\t side\t by\t side\t and\t you\u2019d probably\tedge\tme\tout.\tYou\u2019re\tso\tgood\tat\twhat\tyou\tdo.\tI\u2019ve\talways\tadmired\thow well\tyou\twork.\u201d I\trub\tmy\thand\ton\tmy\tchest\tto\ttry\tto\trelieve\tthe\tache. \u201cNot\t necessarily.\t It\u2019s\t not\t just\t the\t CVs.\t There\u2019s\t the\t interviews.\t You\u2019re charming.\tThere\u2019s\tnot\ta\tperson\talive\twho\tdoesn\u2019t\tadore\tyou\tinstantly.\u201d \u201cSays\t you.\t I\u2019ve\t seen\t you\t in\t action,\t when\t you\u2019re\t making\t an\t effort.\t You\u2019re like\ta\t1950s\tpolitician.\tSmoother\tthan\tsmooth.\u201d He\t laughs.\t \u201cBut\t you\t love\t B\t and\t G.\t And\t everyone\t there\t hates\t me.\t That\u2019s your\t advantage\t over\t me.\t Plus\t you\t have\t your\t top-secret\t weapon\t Danny\t is spending\this\tweekends\ton.\u201d \u201cYeah.\u201d\tI\tdart\tmy\teyes\taway. \u201cIt\u2019s\tgot\tto\tdo\twith\tebooks,\tI\u2019m\tnot\tan\tidiot,\u201d\tJosh\tsays. \u201cWhy\tcan\u2019t\tyou\tbe\tan\tidiot\tfor\tonce?\tJust\tonce,\tI\twant\tto\tkeep\ta\tsecret\tfrom you.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re\t keeping\t a\t secret\t from\t me\t right\t now.\t We\t haven\u2019t\t gotten\t to\t the\t root cause\tof\tyour\tfreak-out.\u201d \u201cAnd\twe\u2019re\tnot\tgoing\tto.\u201d\tI\tpull\tthe\tblanket\tover\tmy\thead\taltogether. \u201cVery\t mature,\u201d\t he\t comments\t and\t swaps\t my\t feet,\t squeezing\t my\t toes\t and","circling\t his\t thumbs.\t \u201cYou\t can\u2019t\t keep\t secrets\t from\t me\t for\t long.\t I\t know\t you\t too well.\tI\u2019ll\tget\tit\tout\tof\tyou.\u201d \u201cWell\tapparently\tI\u2019m\ta\tcomplete\topen\tebook.\u201d\tI\tgroan\tin\tthe\tdark.\t\u201cDid\tMr. Bexley\t tell\t you\t about\t my\t digitalization\t project?\t Please\t don\u2019t\t screw\t me\t on\t this, Josh.\tPlease.\tMy\tentire\tpresentation\tis\tbased\ton\tit.\u201d \u201cDo\tyou\tseriously\tthink\tI\u2019d\tdo\tthat\tto\tyou?\u201d \u201cNo.\tWell,\tmaybe.\u201d I\t expect\t a\t whip-crack\t response.\t He\t says\t nothing,\t but\t continues\t to\t massage my\tfoot. I\t flip\t the\t blanket\t off\t my\t face.\t \u201cWhy\t didn\u2019t\t you\t smile\t at\t me\t when\t we\t first met,\tand\tsay,\tPleased\tto\tmeet\tyou?\tWe\tcould\thave\tbeen\tfriends\tall\tthis\ttime.\u201d\tIt feels\tlike\ta\ttragedy.\tI\u2019ve\tlost\tso\tmuch,\tand\twe\thave\tno\ttime\tleft. \u201cWe\tcould\tnever\thave\tbeen\tfriends.\u201d I\ttry\tto\tpull\tmy\tfoot\tback\tbut\the\tholds\ton\tto\tit. \u201cSo\tthat\u2019s\ta\tsore\tpoint.\u201d\tHe\tsqueezes\tthe\tarch. \u201cI\u2019ve\t always\t wanted\t to\t be\t friends\t with\t you.\t But\t you\t didn\u2019t\t smile\t back. You\u2019ve\tbeen\tone-up\tever\tsince.\u201d \u201cI\tcouldn\u2019t.\tIf\tI\u2019d\tlet\tmyself\tsmile\tback,\tand\tbe\tfriends\twith\tyou,\tI\tprobably would\thave\tfallen\tin\tlove\twith\tyou.\u201d It\u2019s\t all\t the\t past\t tense\t of\t that\t statement\t that\t kills\t the\t leap\t of\t joy\t inside. Because\the\tdidn\u2019t,\tand\the\tisn\u2019t.\tI\ttry\tto\tbrush\tover\tit. \u201cYou\tsaid\tthat\tto\tme\tafter\tthe\televator\tkiss.\tWe\u2019d\tnever\tbe\tfriends.\u201d \u201cI\t was\t angry\t at\t the\t time.\t I\t was\t delivering\t you\t to\t Danny,\t and\t you\t were looking\thotter\tthan\thell.\u201d \u201cPoor\tDanny.\tHe\u2019s\tso\tnice.\tYou\u2019ll\thave\tto\tapologize\tfor\thow\tyou\thung\tup\ton him.\t He\u2019s\t been\t nothing\t but\t nice\t to\t me\t and\t all\t I\u2019ve\t done\t is\t give\t him\t two\t shitty dates\tand\tmade\thim\tlose\ta\tSaturday.\u201d \u201cHe\tgot\tto\tkiss\tyou.\u201d\tWhen\the\tsays\tthat,\tJosh\tlooks\tlike\the\twants\tto\tdestroy planets.\t\u201cAnd\the\u2019s\tnot\tdoing\tthe\tfreelance\twork\tcompletely\tout\tof\tthe\tgoodness of\this\theart.\u201d \u201cUnder\tdifferent\tcircumstances\the\u2019d\tbe\ta\tgreat\tboyfriend.\u201d Josh\t is\t making\t black\t scary\t serial\t killer\t eyes\t at\t me.\t \u201cDifferent circumstances.\u201d \u201cWell,\t I\u2019m\t assuming\t you\u2019re\t going\t to\t chain\t me\t in\t your\t basement\t and\t keep me\tas\tyour\tsex\tslave.\u201d This\t conversation\t is\t like\t a\t tightrope.\t One\t misstep\t and\t he\u2019ll\t know.\t He\u2019ll know\tI\u2019m\tin\tlove,\tand\tthen\tI\u2019ll\twobble\tand\tfall.\tNo\tsafety\tnet.","\u201cI\tdon\u2019t\thave\ta\tbasement.\u201d \u201cToo\tbad\tfor\tme.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll\tbuy\tus\ta\thouse\twith\ta\tbasement.\u201d \u201cOkay.\tCan\tI\tcome\twith\tyou\twhen\tyou\thouse\thunt?\u201d I\t smile\t despite\t the\t doomed\t sensation\t dripping\t into\t my\t blood.\t I\t love\t the energy\t we\t create\t between\t us\t when\t we\t banter\t like\t this.\t It\u2019s\t the\t most\t intense sensation\tof\tpleasure,\tknowing\the\u2019ll\talways\thave\tthe\tperfect\tresponse\tready.\tI\u2019ve never\tknown\tanyone\tlike\thim;\tas\taddictive\tto\ttalk\tto\tas\the\tis\tto\tkiss. \u201cTruth\tor\tDare,\u201d\the\tsays\tafter\ta\tbit. \u201cIt\u2019s\tnot\tmy\tturn.\u201d \u201cYes,\tit\treally\tis.\u201d \u201cTruth.\u201d\tI\thave\tno\tchoice.\tHe\u2019ll\tdare\tme\tto\teat\tthe\tmustard\tagain. \u201cDo\tyou\ttrust\tme?\u201d \u201cI\tdon\u2019t\tknow.\tI\twant\tto.\tTruth\tor\tDare?\u201d He\tblinks.\t\u201cTruth.\tIt\u2019s\tall\ttruth\tfrom\tthis\tpoint\tforward.\u201d \u201cHave\tyou\tever\tlived\there\twith\ta\tgirlfriend?\u201d \u201cNo.\tI\u2019ve\tnever\tlived\twith\tanyone.\tWhy\tdo\tyou\task?\u201d \u201cYour\tbedroom\tis\tgirly.\u201d Josh\tsmiles\tto\thimself.\t\u201cYou\u2019re\tsuch\ta\tmoron\tsometimes.\u201d \u201cThanks.\tHey,\tshould\tI\tgo\thome?\tI\tdon\u2019t\thave\tanything\tto\twear\ttomorrow.\u201d \u201cWould\tyou\tbelieve,\tI\town\tmy\town\twasher\tand\tdryer.\u201d \u201cHow\tnewfangled.\u201d\tI\tgo\tinto\this\tbedroom\tand\tkneel\ton\tthe\tfloor\tto\tunzip\tmy bag.\t\u201cI\thope\tHelene\tdoesn\u2019t\tnotice\tI\u2019m\tin\tthe\tsame\toutfit.\u201d \u201cI\u2019d\tsay\tthe\tonly\tperson\tat\tB\tand\tG\twho\tnotices\tthat\tmuch\tabout\tyou\twill\tbe the\tsame\tone\twho\tlaundered\tthose\twalk-of-shame\tclothes.\u201d I\tsit\tup\ton\tmy\theels\tand\tlook\tat\this\tbedroom.\tHe\u2019s\tput\tthe\tSmurf\tI\tgave\thim beside\t his\t bed.\t There\u2019s\t also\t white\t roses,\t petals\t unfurled\t and\t loose.\t He\t didn\u2019t have\ta\tvase,\tso\the\tused\ta\tjar.\tI\tclose\tmy\teyes.\tI\tcan\u2019t\tmove\tfor\ta\tbit. I\tlove\thim\tso\tmuch\tit\u2019s\tlike\ta\tthread\tpiercing\tme.\tPunching\tholes.\tDragging through.\t Stitching\t love\t into\t me.\t I\u2019ll\t never\t be\t able\t to\t untangle\t myself\t from\t this feeling.\tThe\tcolor\tof\tlove\tis\tsurely\tthis\trobin\u2019s-egg\tblue. When\this\tfeet\tappear\tin\tthe\tdoorway\tI\ttake\tmy\tdirty\tclothes\tand\thug\tthem\tto my\tchest.\t\u201cNo\tlooking\tat\tmy\tunderwear.\u201d \u201cThat\twould\tbe\trude,\u201d\the\tagrees.\t\u201cI\twill\tclose\tmy\teyes.\u201d I\t sit\t on\t his\t bed.\t I\t smooth\t my\t hands\t over\t the\t covers,\t twiddling\t the\t silky thread\tcount.\tI\tpush\tone\tfist\tinto\this\tpillow.\tHe\tdreams.\tHe\tlives.\tAnd\the\twill\tdo it\tall\twithout\tme.\tHe\tfinds\tme\tsitting\tthere\twith\tmy\thead\tin\tmy\thands.","\u201cShortcake,\u201d\the\tsays,\tand\tI\tknow\the\tis\tgenuinely\tregretful. It\u2019s\t the\t strangest\t sensation.\t I\t need\t to\t confide\t in\t him.\t He\u2019s\t the\t one\t person\t I should\tnot\ttrust,\tbut\tI\u2019m\tnearly\tbursting\twith\tthe\tsecret\tthat\tI\tlove\thim\tand\tit\tis hurting\tme. \u201cTalk\tto\tme.\tI\twant\tto\tknow\twhy\tyou\u2019re\tupset.\tLet\tme\twork\tthis\tout.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\t scared\t of\t you.\u201d\t I\u2019m\t scared\t of\t him\t finding\t out\t my\t biggest,\t newest secret. He\tdoesn\u2019t\tlook\toffended.\t\u201cI\u2019m\tscared\tof\tyou\ttoo.\u201d When\tour\tmouths\ttouch,\tit\u2019s\tlike\tit\u2019s\tfor\tthe\tfirst\ttime.\tNow\tthat\tI\thave\tthis pale\t blue\t love\t running\t through\t me,\t the\t intensity\t is\t too\t much.\t I\t try\t to\t pull\t back but\the\tsmoothly\tlays\tme\tback. \u201cBe\tbrave,\u201d\the\ttells\tme.\t\u201cCome\ton,\tLuce.\u201d My\t mouth\t is\t filled\t with\t my\t heart\t and\t his\t breath\t when\t we\t kiss\t again.\t I\t can feel\tmyself\ttrembling\tas\the\ttastes\tmy\tfear. \u201cAh,\u201d\the\tsays.\t\u201cI\tthink\tI\u2019m\tbeginning\tto\tsee\twhat\tthe\tissue\tis.\u201d \u201cNo\t you\t don\u2019t.\u201d\t I\t twist\t my\t face\t away.\t The\t sun\t is\t setting\t outside\t on\t this confusing\t day,\t and\t the\t light\t filters\t through\t his\t filmy\t drapes,\t pearlescent\t and pretty.\t The\t entire\t moment\t is\t frozen,\t date\t stamped\t and\t slotted\t into\t my\t memory vault. He\tkisses\tme\tlike\the\tknows\tme.\tLike\the\tunderstands\tme.\tI\traise\tmy\thand\tto push\t him\t away,\t and\t he\t links\t his\t fingers\t into\t mine.\t I\t bite\t him,\t and\t he\t smiles against\tmy\tlips.\tI\tslide\tmy\tknee\tup\tto\tget\tenough\tleverage\tto\tslide\taway,\tand\the hooks\ta\thand\tunder\tmy\tleg. \u201cYou\u2019re\tbeautiful\twhen\tyou\u2019re\tscared,\u201d\the\ttells\tme. I\t can\u2019t\t speak\t as\t he\t trails\t his\t mouth\t to\t my\t ear.\t He\t sighs.\t My\t world\t narrows down\ta\tlittle\tmore.\tWhen\the\tkisses\tmy\tpulse,\tI\tknow\the\tis\tthinking\tabout\tall\tof my\t tiny\t inner\t miracles\t and\t the\t first\t tear\t wells\t up\t in\t my\t eye.\t It\t slides\t down\t my cheek,\tdown\tmy\tneck. \u201cWe\u2019re\tgetting\tsomewhere\tnow,\u201d\the\ttells\tme\tas\the\tlicks\tmy\ttear. I\traise\tmy\thands\tinto\this\thair,\tand\tpress\thim\tto\tme\tas\the\tpresses\tsoft\tkisses like\tstamps\tdown\tmy\tneck.\tEach\tpushes\tme\tdeeper\tin\tlove.\tWhen\the\tsmoothes his\thand\tdown\tmy\ttorso\tI\twince. \u201cLet\tDoctor\tJosh\ttake\ta\tlook,\u201d\the\tsays,\tpulling\toff\tmy\tsweater\tand\tT-shirt\tin one\tmotion. He\t smoothes\t a\t steady\t hand\t down\t my\t throat,\t over\t my\t bra,\t between\t my breasts,\tto\tmy\tbelly.\tThe\tlight\tin\there\tis\tbrightly\tdiffused,\tand\the\tcan\tsee\tevery vein\t and\t pastel\t paintball\t bruise\t as\t he\t looks\t down\t at\t me,\t eyelashes\t fanned\t so","perfectly\tI\tfeel\tthe\tnext\ttear\tcoming. I\tlove\thim\tso\tmuch\tI\tcan\u2019t\thold\tit\tin\tmuch\tlonger.\tI\u2019m\tvibrating\tfrom\tit.\tI\u2019m showering\t sparks.\t He\t makes\t it\t even\t harder\t to\t hold\t on\t when\t he\t speaks,\t fingers stroking\tmy\tmarred\tskin. \u201cI\u2019m\t sorry\t you\u2019ve\t been\t bruised\t so\t often\t because\t of\t me.\t I\t should\t have protected\tyou\tfrom\tmyself.\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\tset\tto\ta\tdefault\tfor\ta\tlong\ttime.\tSort\tof\tlike, I\tattack\tbefore\tI\tcan\tbe\tattacked.\tYou\u2019ve\tbeen\ton\tthe\treceiving\tend,\tdays,\tweeks, months,\t and\t you\u2019ve\t handled\t it\t like\t no\t one\t else\t ever\t could\t have.\u201d\t I\t try\t to\t speak but\the\tshakes\this\thead\tand\tcontinues. \u201cEvery\t day,\t every\t minute,\t I\u2019ve\t only\t ever\t been\t sitting\t there,\t looking\t at\t you. What\tI\u2019ve\tdone\tto\tyou\thas\tbeen\tthe\tworst\tmistake\tof\tmy\tlife.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\tokay,\u201d\tI\tmanage\tto\tsay.\t\u201cIt\u2019s\tokay.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s\tnot.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tknow\thow\tyou\u2019ve\tcoped\twith\tme.\tAnd\tI\u2019m\tsorry.\u201d\tHe\tdrops his\tmouth\tto\tthe\tbruise\ton\tmy\tribs. \u201cI\tforgive\tyou.\tYou\tforget,\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\ta\tcomplete\tbitch\tto\tyou.\u201d \u201cBut\tyou\tnever\twould\thave\tbeen,\tif\tI\u2019d\tjust\tsmiled\tback.\u201d \u201cI\t wish\t you\t had.\u201d\t My\t voice\t breaks\t traitorously.\t I\t may\t as\t well\t have\t said,\t I wish\t you\t loved\t me.\t I\t hold\t my\t breath.\t With\t his\t crazy-intelligent\t brain,\t I\t know he\u2019s\t joining\t the\t dots\t seconds\t behind\t me.\t I\t struggle\t up\t the\t bed,\t but\t he\t crawls easily\tover\tme,\tand\tlays\tmy\thead\ton\this\tpillow. \u201cIt\tmade\tno\tdifference.\tI\tloved\tyou\tthe\tmoment\tI\tsaw\tyou.\u201d I\u2019m\t falling\t backward,\t through\t his\t bed.\t He\t loops\t an\t arm\t around\t my\t waist.\t I jerk\tlike\the\u2019s\tcaught\tme. \u201cYou\tlove\t.\t.\t.\tWhat?\tMe?\u201d \u201cLucinda\tElizabeth\tHutton.\tOne\tand\tthe\tsame.\u201d \u201cMe.\u201d \u201cLucy,\theiress\tof\tthe\tSky\tDiamond\tStrawberries\tdynasty.\u201d \u201cMe.\u201d \u201cCould\tyou\tshow\tsome\tID\tso\tI\tcan\tbe\tcertain?\u201d\tHis\teyes\tare\tlit\tand\tthe\tsmile I\tlove\tbest\tof\tall\tis\tglowing\ton\this\tface. \u201cBut\tI\tlove\tyou.\u201d\tI\tcan\thear\thow\tincredulous\tI\tsound. He\tlaughs.\t\u201cI\tknow.\u201d \u201cHow\tdo\tyou\talways\tknow\teverything?\u201d\tI\tkick\tmy\tfeet\tagainst\tthe\tmattress. \u201cI\tonly\tfigured\tit\tout\ta\tfew\tminutes\tago.\tYour\theart\thas\tbeen\tbreaking.\u201d \u201cI\tcan\u2019t\thide\tanything\tfrom\tyou.\tIt\u2019s\tthe\tworst.\u201d\tI\ttry\tto\tput\tmy\tface\tinto\tthe pillow. \u201cYou\tdon\u2019t\tneed\tto\thide\tanything\tfrom\tme.\u201d\tHe\ttakes\tmy\tchin\tin\this\tfingers","and\tkisses\tme. \u201cYou\u2019re\tscary.\tYou\u2019ll\thurt\tme.\u201d \u201cI\t guess\t I\u2019m\t a\t bit\t scary.\t But\t I\t will\t never\t hurt\t you\t again.\t Anyone\t who\t ever does\twill\tfind\tout\tabout\tscary.\u201d \u201cYou\thate\tme.\u201d \u201cI\tnever\thave.\tNot\tfor\ta\tsecond.\tI\thave\talways\tloved\tyou.\u201d \u201cProve\t it.\t There\u2019s\t no\t way\t you\t can.\u201d\t I\t am\t satisfied\t that\t I\u2019ve\t thrown\t out\t the unwinnable\tchallenge.\tHe\trolls\tonto\this\tside\tand\trests\this\tcheek\ton\this\tbicep.\tMy heart\tis\tpounding. \u201cWhat\u2019s\tmy\tfavorite\tcolor?\u201d \u201cEasy.\tBlue.\u201d \u201cWhat\tkind\tof\tblue?\u201d \u201cBedroom\t blue!\u201d\t I\t point\t at\t the\t wall.\t \u201cThe\t walls.\t Your\t shirt.\t My\t dress.\t Pale Tiffany\tblue.\u201d He\t tugs\t me\t to\t sit,\t then\t goes\t to\t the\t end\t of\t the\t bed.\t He\t opens\t his\t wardrobe door,\tand\tI\tsee\tall\tof\tthe\tshirts\thanging\tin\tcolor\tsequence. \u201cJosh,\tyou\tdork.\u201d\tI\tstart\tto\tlaugh\tand\tpoint,\tbut\the\tgrabs\tmy\tankles\tand\tdrags me\tto\tthe\tend\tof\tthe\tbed.\tThere\u2019s\ta\tfull-length\tmirror,\tand\tI\tsee\tmyself,\tat\tlong last\t sitting\t on\t the\t bed\t in\t his\t robin\u2019s-egg\t bedroom.\t His\t walls\t are\t the\t blue\t of\t my eyes.\tI\u2019ve\tbeen\ta\tbit\tslow. \u201cBut\tthat\u2019s\tthe\tprettiest\tblue\tin\tthe\tworld!\u201d \u201cI\t know.\t Good\t lord,\t Lucinda.\t I\t thought\t I\u2019d\t be\t busted\t the\t moment\t you\t saw this\troom.\u201d He\t sits\t on\t the\t bed\t behind\t me,\t one\t knee\t up,\t and\t I\t fall\t back\t into\t the\t perfect cradle\tof\this\tbody. \u201cHow\tsomebody\tcan\u2019t\trecognize\ttheir\town\teyes,\tI\u2019ll\tnever\tknow.\u201d \u201cSeems\tI\tdidn\u2019t\trecognize\ta\tfew\tthings.\tHey,\tJosh.\u201d \u201cYes,\tShortcake.\u201d \u201cYou\tlove\tme.\u201d\tI\tsee\thim\tsmile\tin\tour\treflection\tat\tthe\tconfusion\tand\twonder in\tmy\ttone. \u201cSince\tthe\tmoment\tI\tsaw\tyou.\tSince\tthe\tmoment\tyou\tsmiled\tat\tme,\tI\tfelt\tlike I\t was\t falling\t backward\t off\t a\t cliff.\t The\t feeling\t has\t never\t stopped.\t I\u2019ve\t been trying\t to\t drag\t you\t down\t with\t me.\t In\t the\t worst,\t most\t ill-conceived\t and\t socially retarded\tway\tpossible.\u201d \u201cWe\u2019ve\tbeen\tso\tawful\tto\teach\tother.\u201d\tI\tfeel\this\tcringe,\tand\this\thands\tbegin\tto stroke\tme.\t\u201cI\tmean,\thow\tcan\twe\teven\tbegin\tto\tstart\tagain?\u201d \u201cTime\tfor\ta\tnew\tgame.\tThe\tStarting\tOver\tGame.\u201d","I\t smile.\t Eyes\t bright,\t dazzling,\t full\t of\t hope\t and\t certainty\t this\t merger\t will\t be the\t most\t exciting,\t passionate,\t challenging\t thing\t ever\t to\t happen\t to\t me.\t \u201cNice\t to meet\tyou.\tI\u2019m\tLucy\tHutton.\u201d \u201cJoshua\t Templeman.\t Please,\t call\t me\t Josh.\u201d\t I\t see\t the\t blinding\t flash\t of\t his smile\tin\treturn,\tand\tnow\tI\u2019m\tproperly\tcrying.\tTears\trunning\tdown\tmy\tneck. \u201cJosh.\u201d \u201cSounds\tlike\theaven\tcoming\tout\tof\tyour\tmouth.\u201d \u201cJosh,\t please.\t We\u2019ve\t been\t colleagues\t for\t one\t minute,\t you\u2019re\t rather flirtatious.\tLet\tme\thang\tmy\tcoat.\u201d He\tunclips\tmy\tbra.\t\u201cAllow\tme.\u201d \u201cThank\t you.\u201d\t We\t are\t playing\t the\t Staring\t Game\t in\t the\t mirror,\t and\t his\t eyes begin\tto\tdarken.\tHe\tfills\this\thands\twith\tmy\twhite\tskin. \u201cI\tgrew\tup\ton\ta\tstrawberry\tfarm.\tIt\u2019s\tnamed\tafter\tme.\u201d \u201cI\tlove\tstrawberries.\tI\u2019m\tso\tlovesick,\tI\teat\tthem\tconstantly.\tCan\tI\tnickname you\tShortcake?\tIt\u2019ll\tbe\ta\tdead\tgiveaway\tthat\tI\tlove\tyou.\u201d \u201cYou\tlove\tme!\tWe\u2019ve\tonly\tmet\ta\tminute\tago.\u201d \u201cI\tdo.\tI\u2019m\tsorry,\tbut\tI\twork\tfast.\tI\thope\tit\u2019s\tnot\ttoo\tforward\tof\tme\tto\tsay,\tbut your\teyes\tare\tincredible,\tLucy.\tI\tdie\twhen\tyou\tblink.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re\t smooth.\t What\t do\t you\t know.\t I\t love\t you\t too.\t So\t much.\t Every\t time your\tdark\tblue\teyes\thit\tme,\tI\tfeel\tlike\tI\tget\ta\tmild\telectric\tshock.\u201d I\treach\tbehind\tme\tto\ttug\toff\this\tT-shirt.\tHe\thelps\tme\tout\tand\tpulls\tit\toff. \u201cI\u2019ve\t been\t wondering\t since\t I\t met\t you\u2014granted,\t only\t minutes\t ago\u2014what you\u2019ve\t got\t under\t this\t shirt.\t My\t goodness,\t your\t body.\t But\t I\t want\t you\t for\t your mind,\tand\tyour\theart.\tNot\tthis\timpressive\tdisguise.\u201d He\t looks\t at\t the\t ceiling.\t \u201cI\t think\t I\u2019ll\t paint\t my\t bedroom\t this\t weekend.\t I\u2019ll probably\t feel\t annoyed\t the\t whole\t time\t I\t do\t it.\t And\t I\u2019ll\t happily\t farewell\t my current\tgirlfriend,\ta\ttall\tboring\tblonde\tcalled\tMindy\tThailis.\tShe\u2019s\tnot\tyou\tand\tit eats\tme\tup.\tIt\tmakes\tthe\tfact\tI\tsleep\talone\tand\tdesperately\tcelibate\tin\tthis\tLucy- blue\troom\teven\tmore\tromantic\twhen\tI\teventually\ttell\tyou.\u201d He\t slides\t me\t in\t between\t his\t sheets\t and\t spoons\t behind\t me.\t My\t cheek\t is pillowed\ton\this\tbicep,\tand\the\tkisses\tthe\tside\tof\tmy\tneck.\tI\u2019m\tshivering. \u201cSounds\tlike\ta\tgood\tplan.\tIt\u2019ll\tpay\toff.\tDesperately,\thuh?\tSo,\tpray\ttell,\twhat is\tthe\taim\tof\tthe\tStarting\tOver\tGame?\u201d \u201cThe\tsame\tas\tall\tthe\tothers.\tFor\tyou\tto\tlove\tme.\u201d \u201cMine\twas\tto\tmake\tyou\tsmile.\tHow\tlame.\u201d \u201cI\t laughed\t my\t ass\t off\t every\t day\t on\t the\t drive\t home\t from\t work,\t if\t it\t makes you\tfeel\tany\tbetter.\u201d","\u201cI\tguess.\tBut\tyou\u2019ve\twon.\tI\u2019m\tgoing\tto\thave\tto\tknow\tforever\tyou\u2019ve\twon\tall the\tgames.\u201d\tI\u2019m\tsure\tmy\tmouth\tprobably\thas\ta\tsulky\tpout\tto\tit.\tHe\trolls\tme\tonto my\tstomach\tand\tbegins\tto\tkiss\tup\tmy\tspine. \u201cDo\tyou\ttrust\tme\tnow\tthat\tyou\tknow\teverything?\u201d For\t a\t moment\t we\t shimmer\t against\t each\t other;\t my\t skin\t trembling\t for\t the touch\tof\this\tlips. \u201cYes.\tAnd\tif\tyou\tget\tthe\tjob,\tI\twill\tbe\thappy\tfor\tyou.\u201d \u201cI\t already\t resigned.\t My\t last\t day\t was\t Friday.\t Jeanette\t came\t in\t and\t did\t the paperwork.\tI\u2019m\ton\tvacation\tnow.\u201d \u201cWhat\tthe\tfuck?\u201d\tI\tblurt\tinto\this\tbed. \u201cI\t don\u2019t\t want\t anything\t that\t means\t I\t can\u2019t\t have\t you.\t There\u2019s\t nothing\t worth it.\u201d \u201cBut\t I\t didn\u2019t\t have\t a\t chance\t to\t compete\t against\t you.\u201d\t I\t don\u2019t\t know\t whether to\tlaugh\tor\tscream. \u201cYou\tstill\thave\tto\tdo\tyour\tinterview\tagainst\tthe\tother\tcandidates.\tFrom\twhat I\u2019ve\theard,\tone\tof\tthem\tis\ta\treal\tcontender.\tThe\tindependent\tpanel\tmight\tdecide you\u2019re\tcompletely\tincompetent.\u201d I\telbow\thim\tand\the\tlaughs. \u201cBut\t you\u2019ll\t always\t know\t you\t could\t have\t gotten\t it.\t When\t we\t fight\t I\u2019ll\t be worried\tyou\u2019ll\tbring\tit\tup.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve\t worked\t out\t a\t solution.\t Something\t so\t Machiavellian\t even\t you\t will deem\tit\ta\tperfect\tsolution.\tIt\tretains\tall\tof\tthe\tcompetitive\tbullshit\twe\tthrive\ton.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\tscared\tto\task.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m\t the\t new\t divisional\t finance\t head\t of\t Sanderson\t Print.\t B\t and\t G\u2019s\t most bitter\trival.\u201d \u201cJosh.\tWhat?\tNo.\u201d \u201cI\tknow!\tI\u2019m\tan\tevil\tmastermind!\u201d\tHe\tdrops\ta\tkiss\tto\tmy\tnape\tand\tI\tsquirm away\tand\troll\tover. \u201cHow\ton\tearth\tdid\tyou\tmanage\tthat?\u201d\tI\tfeel\tfaint. \u201cThey\u2019ve\tbeen\tpestering\tme\tfor\tages\tabout\tcoming\tover\tfor\ta\tchat.\tSo\tI\tdid, and\t I\t told\t them\t I\t wanted\t to\t work\t on\t their\t completely\t fucked-up\t financial situation\t before\t they\t completely\t fold.\t They\t said\t okay.\t No\t one\t was\t more surprised\tthan\tme,\tbut\tI\thid\tit\twell.\u201d \u201cIs\tthat\twhy\tyou\ttook\ta\tday\toff?\u201d \u201cYeah.\tAnd\tI\tneeded\tto\tbuy\tyou\ta\tMatchbox\tcar.\tThey\ttook\tforever\tto\tgive me\tmy\tformal\toffer.\tThat\u2019s\twhy\tI\tnever\tneeded\thelp\tto\tbeat\tyou.\tI\tdidn\u2019t\twant\tto beat\tyou.\u201d","I\tsmooth\tmy\thand\tover\this\tshoulder,\tthe\tglorious\tcurve\tof\this\tarm.\t\u201cSo\tthat\u2019s that.\u201d \u201cI\thad\tto\tmake\ta\tfew\tconflict\tof\tinterest\tstatements.\u201d \u201cSuch\tas?\u201d\tI\twatch\this\teyes\tcrinkle\tin\tmemory. \u201cI\tdisclosed\tthat\tI\u2019ll\tbe\tin\tlove\twith\tthe\tsoon-to-be\tchief\toperating\tofficer\tof B\tand\tG.\u201d I\tcan\tjust\timagine\thim\ttelling\tthem,\tcool\tand\tcalm. \u201cYou\tdidn\u2019t.\tWere\tthey\tokay\twith\tthat?\u201d \u201cMy\tnew\tboss\tseemed\tto\tthink\tit\twas\tkind\tof\tsweet.\tEveryone\u2019s\ta\tromantic.\tI had\t to\t sign\t some\t nondisclosure\t stuff.\t If\t I\t tell\t you\t anything,\t I\t will\t be\t sued. Luckily,\tI\thave\ta\tgood\tpoker\tface\twhen\tit\tcomes\tto\tyou.\u201d \u201cOh\tman,\thow\tangry\twas\tMr.\tBexley?\tHe\u2019s\tnot\ta\tromantic.\u201d \u201cFurious.\t He\t was\t on\t the\t verge\t of\t calling\t security.\t Thankfully\t Helene\t came in\tand\tdefused\tthings.\tOnce\tI\ttold\tthem\tmy\treasons\tfor\tleaving,\tthey\twere\tpretty understanding.\tHelene\tsaid\tshe\u2019s\talways\tknown\tit.\u201d \u201cReasons.\u201d \u201cI\thad\tone\tweekend\tleft\tto\tmake\tyou\tlove\tme.\u201d I\tgape\tin\thorror.\t\u201cYou\tdidn\u2019t\ttell\tthem\tthat.\u201d \u201cYes.\tYou\tshould\thave\tseen\tJeanette\u2019s\tface.\u201d \u201cPretty\tbig\tgamble,\tJosh.\tHell\tin\ta\thandbasket.\u201d \u201cIt\tpaid\toff,\tthankfully.\u201d He\u2019s\tpressing\this\tmouth\tto\tmy\tskin\tand\tsighing,\tbreathing,\tlike\tI\u2019m\ta\tdream he\tnever\twants\tto\twake\tfrom.\tHe\u2019s\tbreathing\tme\tin\tlike\the\u2019s\ta\tfilthy\taddict. \u201cCan\tyou\tbe\tsure\tthat\tyou\twon\u2019t\tresent\tme\tone\tday?\tYou\u2019ve\tgiven\tup\ta\tbig chance,\tJosh.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll\t be\t buried\t in\t numbers\t all\t day\t long.\t I\t can\t continue\t my\t crusade\t to\t save one\tpublishing\thouse\tfrom\tfinancial\truin\tat\ta\ttime.\u201d \u201cPlease\ttry\tnot\tto\tmake\tpeople\tcry\tanymore.\tIt\u2019s\ttime\tfor\tyou\tto\tbe\tyour\ttrue self.\tYou\u2019re\ta\tMr.\tNice\tGuy.\u201d \u201cI\tmake\tno\tguarantees.\tBut\tfor\tme,\tthis\trole\tat\tSanderson\tis\thonestly\ta\tbetter fit.\t The\t best\t part\t is,\t it\t means\t I\u2019ll\t be\t coming\t home\t to\t you\t on\t my\t couch\t every night.\tI\tcouldn\u2019t\thave\tgotten\tthis\tdecision\tmore\tright\tif\tI\ttried.\u201d \u201cEvery\t night?\t Well,\t I\t can\u2019t\t on\t the\t long\t weekend.\t I\u2019m\t going\t to\t Sky Diamonds\tfor\tthe\tweek.\tI\tdon\u2019t\tsuppose\tyou\u2019re\tbusy\tthen.\u201d \u201cTake\tme\twith\tyou,\u201d\the\tsays\tin\tbetween\tkisses\ton\tmy\tshoulders.\t\u201cI\tknow\tthe way.\t I\u2019ve\t mapped\t the\t journey.\t Flights\t and\t hire\t cars.\t I\u2019ll\t grovel\t to\t your\t dad.\t I know\texactly\twhat\tI\u2019ll\tsay.\u201d","\u201cI\tdon\u2019t\tget\tit\twith\tyou\tand\tthat\tplace.\u201d \u201cI\t need\t to\t go\t there\t so\t I\t can\t start\t at\t the\t beginning.\t So\t that\t I\t can\t know everything\tabout\tyou.\u201d \u201cYou\tsure\tdo\tlove\tstrawberries.\u201d \u201cI\t love\t you,\t Lucy\t Hutton.\t So\t much,\t you\t have\t no\t idea.\t Please\t be\t my\t best friend.\u201d I\u2019m\t so\t ridiculously\t in\t love.\t I\t decide\t to\t try\t it\t out\t loud.\t \u201cI\u2019m\t in\t love\t with Joshua\tTempleman.\u201d His\treply\tis\ta\twhisper\tin\tmy\tear.\t\u201cFinally.\u201d I\tpull\tback.\t\u201cI\u2019m\tgoing\tto\thave\tto\tchange\tmy\tcomputer\tpassword.\u201d \u201cOh\tyeah?\tTo\twhat?\u201d \u201cI-love-Josh.\u201d \u201c4\teva,\u201d\the\treplies. \u201cYou\tcracked\tmy\tpassword?\u201d He\t rolls\t me\t onto\t my\t back\t and\t smiles\t down\t at\t me\t with\t eyes\t bright\t with mischief. There\u2019s\tnothing\telse\tI\tcan\tdo.\tWhen\tthe\twhite\tflag\tof\this\tsheets\tsettles\ton\tmy skin,\tthe\tHating\tGame\tis\tover.\tIt\u2019s\tprimal.\tIt\u2019s\ta\tmiracle.\tAnd\tit\u2019s\tforever. \u201cYeah,\tall\tright.\tForever.\tWhat\tgame\tshould\twe\tplay\tnow?\u201d\tI\tlook\tup\tat\thim and\twe\tplay\tthe\tStaring\tGame\tuntil\this\teyes\tspark\tin\tmemory. \u201cThe\t Or\t Something\t Game\t really\t intrigued\t me.\t Can\t you\t show\t me\t how\t it works?\u201d He\ttosses\tthe\tblankets\tover\tus,\tblocking\tout\tthe\tentire\tworld.\tHe\u2019s\tlaughing, my\tfavorite\tsound\tin\tthe\tworld. Then\tthere\u2019s\tnothing\tbut\tsilence.\tHis\tmouth\ttouches\tmy\tskin. Let\tthe\treal\tgames\tbegin.","An\tExcerpt\tfrom\tThe\tComfort\tZone Loved\tthe\tTHE\tHATING\tGAME? Don\u2019t\tmiss\tSally\tThorne\u2019s THE\tCOMFORT\tZONE Coming\tSummer\t2017","I\t got\t as\t far\t as\t the\t international\t baggage\t carousel\t before\t I\t began\t sinking\t back into\t the\t Carson-family-drama\t quicksand.\t My\t first\t mistake\t was\t turning\t off\t my phone\t from\t airplane\t mode.\t Actually,\t no,\t that\u2019s\t not\t right.\t My\t first\t mistake\t was boarding\tin\tHeathrow. I\t thought\t it\t would\t have\t taken\t some\t serious\t arm-twisting\t to\t get\t me\t onto\t a plane\tback\thome,\tbut\tin\tthe\tend\tall\tit\ttook\twas\tmy\tboss\tMargo\u2019s\twords.\tEmma, the\tNew\tYork\toffice\tis\tdesperate.\tYou\u2019re\tstill\tonly\ton\ta\ttemporary\ttransfer\tto\tus in\t London,\t so\t I\t really\t do\t have\t to\t say\t yes\t to\t them.\t It\u2019s\t only\t for\t a\t month. Eversham\tGoldstein\treally\tneeds\tyou. I\t was\t needed?\t A\t warm\t fluttering\t filled\t my\t rib\t cage\t and\t I\t said\t yes.\t I\u2019m\t a literary\tagent,\tso\twords\tare\tmy\tlife\u2014and\tkind,\tappreciative\twords\tare\tapparently my\t Achilles\u2019\t heel.\t I\t wish\t I\u2019d\t asked\t for\t a\t day\t to\t think\t it\t over.\t If\t I\t had,\t maybe\t I wouldn\u2019t\tbe\twaiting\there\tfor\tmy\tbattered\tsuitcase.\tIt\u2019s\tnot\tthat\tI\thate\tthis\tcity.\tI just\tdon\u2019t\tfeel\tready\tto\tsee\tsome\tof\tits\toccupants. My\t email\t inbox\t doesn\u2019t\t have\t any\t big\t emergencies\t with\t my\t authors\t or\t their editors.\t I\t do\t have\t an\t email\t from\t Louise,\t my\t father\u2019s\t assistant.\t The\t subject\t line reads:\tUrgent\u2014Read\tImmediately.\tI\thave\ta\tbad\tfeeling\tthat\tthis\tmight\tmess\twith my\t One-Month\t Survival\t Plan:\t Arrive,\t work,\t participate\t in\t the\t required\t family interactions\tno\tmatter\thow\tawkward,\tleave.\tPossibly\tfor\tgood\tthis\ttime. I\t look\t up\t at\t a\t departure\t screen\t nearby\t and\t automatically\t scan\t for\t the\t word London.\tIt\u2019s\targuably\tan\tunhelpful\tway\tto\tdeal\twith\tthis,\tso\tI\tmake\tmyself\tread whatever\tbomb\tLouise\tis\tabout\tto\tdrop\ton\tme.\tThe\tfirst\tparagraph\tof\ther\temail is\ta\theavy\ttapestry\tof\tcaveats,\tprecautions,\tand\tinstructions\tto\tnot\tpanic.\tAll\tthe stuff\t that\t guarantees\t that\t I\t will\t panic.\t There\u2019s\t a\t honk\t and\t the\t baggage\t carousel begins\t to\t move,\t but\t I\t can\u2019t\t look\t up\t from\t my\t phone.\t Not\t until\t I\t know\t what\u2019s happened.\t According\t to\t Louise,\t Dad\u2019s\t received\t another\t extortion\t attempt.\t And just\tlike\tthat,\tI\u2019m\tback\tin\tCrazy\tTown.\tBreathe\tthat\tcrazy\tair\tnice\tand\tdeep. Someone\t hits\t my\t ankle\t with\t a\t luggage\t cart.\t It\u2019s\t white-hot\t agony\t and\t I\t yip like\ta\tpup.\tWhoever\tdid\tit\tdoesn\u2019t\tfollow\tit\tup\twith\ta\tthousand\tBritish\tapologies, or\t even\t a\t single\t American\t one.\t I\t glower\t passive-aggressively\t at\t the\t floor, achieving\t nothing.\t It\u2019s\t a\t painful\t message\t from\t New\t York\t itself:\t Yo,\t Emma! Welcome\tback!\tWant\ta\treminder\tof\twhy\tyou\tleft? I\t have\t a\t second\t email\t from\t Louise,\t a\t couple\t of\t hours\t after\t the\t first.\t It\u2019s","marked\t \u201chigh\t priority\u201d\t and\t the\t subject\t line\t is\t filled\t entirely\t with\t exclamation points.\t My\t stomach\t drops\t away\t into\t the\t abyss.\t Is\t Dad\t bound\t and\t gagged\t in\t a basement\t somewhere?\t Will\t I\t be\t drawn\t into\t a\t game\t of\t cat\t and\t mouse\t with\t his kidnapper\t in\t a\t trail\t leading\t across\t the\t city,\t the\t stakes\t getting\t progressively higher?\t Will\t my\t eyes\t glint\t intently\t behind\t my\t glasses\t as\t I\t deliberate\t between green\tand\tred\twires?\tWill\tI\tsave\tthe\tday,\tand\twin\tmy\tfather\u2019s\tlove? Probably\tnot.\tA\trecent\tbook-to-movie\tdeal\tI\tbrokered\tfor\tone\tof\tmy\tauthors has\t made\t everything\t feel\t like\t a\t possible\t cinematic\t plot.\t The\t second\t scary- looking\temail\tfrom\tLouise\tis\tabout\ta\tmeeting\tand\tI\u2019m\tweirdly\tcrestfallen.\tI\twill never\tget\tto\tsee\tThe\tRock\tcast\tas\tme.\tMy\tpresence\tis\trequired\tat\ta\tcompulsory security\t briefing\t regarding\t the\t extortion\t attempt\t at\t three\t P.M.\t Today.\t No\t ifs\t or buts.\tRecent\tinternational\ttravel\tis\tnot\tan\texcuse. My\twatch\tis\tstill\ton\tLondon\ttime\tand\tit\thurts\tmy\theart\tto\tadjust\tit,\tbut\twhen I\tdo,\tI\thave\ta\tnew\tproblem.\tI\tam\tgoing\tto\tbe\tlate.\tI\tfind\tmy\tbag,\tweave\tthrough the\t scores\t of\t travelers\t being\t picked\t up\t by\t excited\t loved\t ones,\t and\t head\t for\t the train. If\tyou\u2019re\timagining\tmy\tfather\tis\ta\tsenator\tor\tcelebrity,\tyou\u2019re\tway\toff.\tHe\u2019s not\ta\tsports\tlegend\tor\told\tmoney.\tHe\u2019s\tthe\tCEO\tof\ta\tproperty\tdevelopment\tfirm and,\t finally,\t at\t this\t point\t in\t his\t career,\t he\u2019s\t wealthy\t enough\t to\t extort\t from.\t It\u2019s impossible\t to\t raze\t old\t buildings,\t build\t new\t ones,\t and\t have\t oodles\t of subcontractors\ton\tthe\tpayroll\twithout\tmaking\tat\tleast\tone\tmortal\tenemy\ta\tday.\tIf I\twere\thim,\tI\u2019d\tlook\tat\tit\tas\ta\tmajor\trich-guy\tmilestone.\tThe\tfirst\ttime\tsomeone tried\tto\tsqueeze\tmoney\tout\tof\thim,\tI\tbet\this\tbuddies\tat\tthe\tcountry\tclub\tbrought out\ta\tdollar-sign-shaped\tcake\tfor\tDad.\tThese\tdays,\tit\u2019s\thardly\tworth\tmentioning. Before\tthe\tmoney,\ta\tmillion\tyears\tago,\tit\twas\tjust\tDad\tand\tme.\tWe\tlived\tin\ta little\t white\t house\t across\t the\t river,\t nursing\t broken\t hearts\t over\t Mom\t and\t getting along\t as\t best\t we\t could.\t Our\t idea\t of\t extravagance\t was\t frozen\t pizzas\t on\t Friday night.\t I\t rode\t my\t bike\t around\t the\t block\t at\t dusk,\t always\t ringing\t my\t bike\t bell when\t I\t passed\t our\t green\t front\t door\t as\t my\t way\t of\t saying\t hello\t to\t Mom\t as\t she watched\t me\t from\t her\t comfy\t cloud\t above.\t I\t wonder\t if\t Dad\t can\t even\t remember that\thouse.\tIt\u2019s\ta\tlong\tway\tfrom\twhere\the\tlives\ttoday. I\thaven\u2019t\tseen\tmy\tdad\tin\tso\tlong,\tI\twonder\tif\the\tremembers\tme. WHEN\t I\t BUMP\t open\t the\t heavy\t door\t to\t Centurion\t Security\t with\t my\t butt\t and drag\t my\t suitcase\t in,\t I\u2019m\t sweating\t and\t tired.\t When\t I\t turn\t around,\t I\t realize something\t pretty\t typical.\t I\u2019ve\t just\t flown\t eight\t hours\t across\t the\t ocean,\t changed time\tzones,\tand\ttaken\ta\ttrain\tand\ttaxi.\tAnd\tI\u2019m\tstill\tearly.","There\u2019s\t no\t one\t else\t here\t except\t for\t the\t receptionist,\t who\t is\t touch-typing furiously\tand\tchooses\tto\tignore\tme.\tShe\tis\tname-tagged\tSheree.\tShe\tlooks\tlike\ta Sheree.\tI\tcan\tsee\tmy\town\treflection\tin\ther\teyeball\tbut\tshe\twon\u2019t\tlook\tup\tbecause she\u2019s\t busy\t and\t important.\t I\u2019m\t now\t accustomed\t to\t being\t patient\t and\t polite\t and bottling\t up\t my\t resentments\t behind\t a\t cheerio\t smile,\t so\t I\t wait\t until\t she\t finally looks\tup\tat\tme. \u201cAll\t right?\u201d\t The\t utterly\t British\t greeting\t pops\t out\t of\t my\t mouth\t and\t I\t hear how\t ridiculous\t it\t sounds\t in\t my\t accent.\t \u201cUm,\t hi.\t I\u2019m\t Emma\t Carson.\t I\t have\t a meeting\there.\u201d \u201cTake\ta\tseat,\tI\u2019ll\tlet\tGreg\tknow\tyou\u2019re\there.\u201d\tIn\ther\tmind,\tSheree\tadds,\twhen I\u2019m\tgood\tand\tready.\tHer\ttyping\tresumes. There\u2019s\ta\tone-in-a-million\tchance\tthat\tClaudia\thas\tarrived\tearly\tand\tis\tin\tone of\tthose\tclosed\tmeeting\trooms. \u201cHas\tmy\tsister\tarrived\tyet?\tClaudia\tCarson?\u201d Claudia\u2019s\tname\trings\ta\tbell\twith\tthis\twoman.\tHer\teyes\tspark\tand\ther\tmouth becomes\ta\tsmile.\tShe\tstops\ttyping\tand\trests\ther\telbows\ton\ther\tdesk.\t\u201cNo,\tshe\u2019s not\there.\tShe\u2019s\tyour\tsister?\tHow\tlucky.\u201d \u201cOh,\tdo\tyou\tknow\ther?\u201d \u201cI\t feel\t like\t I\t do.\t Model\t Behavior\t was\t so\t addictive.\t My\t friends\t came\t over every\t week\t to\t watch\t it\t and\t we\t drank\t wine\t and\t gave\t ourselves\t manicures.\t We were\tTeam\tClaudia,\tright\tfrom\tthe\tstart.\tWe\teven\thad\tthe\tpink\tT-shirts.\u201d I\tdon\u2019t\thave\tto\twork\thard\tto\timagine\tSheree\tand\ther\tsquad.\tModel\tBehavior was\t a\t reality\t TV\t show.\t Beautiful\t boys\t and\t girls\t locked\t in\t a\t compound\t filled with\t cameras,\t fruit\t platters,\t and\t sun\t loungers.\t Girls\t in\t bikinis\t fought\t endlessly over\t one\t smug\t prat\t named\t Jordan.\t It.\t Was.\t Dreck.\t Have\t I\t been\t ruined\t by\t BBC period\tdramas,\tShakespeare,\tand\tWest\tEnd\tshows?\tYes. \u201cYes,\tit\twas\treally\tgood.\u201d\tI\thave\tno\tconviction\tin\tmy\tvoice\tand\tI\tdefinitely don\u2019t\tfool\tSheree.\tShe\tlooks\tat\tme\twith\tnarrowed\teyes.\tShe\tsmells\tsnob. \u201cClaudia\t won\t the\t entire\t competition.\t She\u2019s\t incredible.\t If\t I\t were\t you,\t I\u2019d\t be so\tproud.\u201d\tWith\ta\tsniff,\tshe\tbegins\ttyping\tagain,\tand\tI\tcan\tsee\tthat\ther\thands\tare shaking\t a\t little\t with\t new\t nerves.\t Her\t eyes\t begin\t flicking\t toward\t the\t door,\t over and\tover.\tShe\tfinally\tgives\tup\ton\twork\tand\tbegins\tto\tcheck\ther\tappearance. I\tdrag\tmy\tbag\tto\ta\tchair\tthat\tis\thalf-obscured\tby\ta\thuge\tpotted\tplant\tand\tset up\t camp.\t My\t neck\t pillow\t is\t hanging\t from\t the\t strap\t of\t my\t bag,\t my\t clothes\t are creased,\tand\tmy\thair\tis\tunraveling.\tI\u2019m\tdead\tto\tSheree\tnow,\tso\tshe\twon\u2019t\tcare\tif I\t unbraid\t my\t hair\t and\t brush\t it.\t It\u2019s\t a\t huge,\t thick,\t wavy\t nightmare.\t There\t are probably\thikers\tlost\tin\tthere.\tBut\tI\tcan\u2019t\tcut\tit\tshort,\tbecause\twithout\tthe\tweight","it\tgrows\toutward\tinto\ta\tball\tformation.\tI\u2019ve\tseen\tpictures\tof\tmy\tmom.\tShe\tgifted me\twith\tthis\tparticular\tgenetic\tburden:\thuge\thair. I\t create\t three\t ropes\t and\t begin\t rebraiding.\t Pip\t was\t one\t of\t my\t London flatmates\tand\tshe\tonce\ttold\tme\tmy\thair\tlooked\tlike\ta\tbraided\tpeach\tstrudel.\tShe was\t very\t drunk\t at\t the\t time\t and\t meant\t it\t as\t a\t compliment.\t She\t picked\t it\t up\t in both\thands,\tpretending\tto\tbite\tinto\tit.\t\u201cDelishusss,\u201d\tshe\tsaid\tover\tand\tover\tuntil we\tflagged\tdown\tan\tadorable\tblack\tcab\thome. I\tstudy\tit\tcritically\tnow\tas\tit\tlays\tvertically\tdown\tmy\t chest\tand\tdo\thave\tto admit\tthat\tit\tjust\tneeds\tsome\tsugar\tgranules\tand\tsome\tglimpses\tof\thot\tfruit.\tMy stomach\tgrowls\tloudly.\tSheree\tcoughs\tand\tI\tjerk\tin\tmy\tseat.\tShe\u2019s\tnot\tlooking\tat me.\t She\t has\t no\t idea\t there\u2019s\t someone\t in\t this\t room\t thinking\t about\t taking\t out\t a knife\t and\t cutting\t off\t a\t snack\t portion\t of\t her\t own\t braid.\t That\u2019s\t the\t great\t thing about\tbrains.\tIt\u2019s\tall\ta\tsecret. I\trecheck\tthat\tClaudia\u2019s\tpresent\thasn\u2019t\tgotten\tsquashed,\teven\tthough\tI\tknow it\t was\t fine\t the\t last\t time\t I\t looked.\t I\t should\t have\t gone\t with\t hot-pink\t gift\t wrap. That\u2019s\ther\tsignature\tcolor,\tlike\tBarbie.\tGlittery\tgold\twrap;\twhat\twas\tI\tthinking? A\t whirring\t sensation\t begins\t in\t the\t pit\t of\t my\t stomach\t and\t I\t have\t to\t tell\t myself forcefully,\tdon\u2019t\tbe\tnervous.\tShe\u2019s\tnot\ta\tkid\tanymore.\tYou\tcan\u2019t\truin\teverything with\tthe\twrong\tgift-wrap\tchoice.\tProbably\tnot. Please\tdon\u2019t\tbe\tnervous.\tPlease\tdon\u2019t\tbe\tnervous.\tI\tsay\tit\tto\tmyself\tuntil\tmy body\tbegins\tto\tobey. For\t me\t to\t describe\t Claudia,\t I\t first\t have\t to\t admit\t that\t I\t once\t made\t a\t wish\u2014 and\t it\t came\t true.\t Crazy,\t right?\t I\t know\t on\t an\t intellectual\t level\t that\t it\t wasn\u2019t\t me who\t created\t this\t outcome.\t I\t don\u2019t\t have\t special\t powers.\t I\t wasn\u2019t\t an\t omniscient narrator,\t intoning\t what\t was\t soon\t to\t come\t while\t my\t widower\t father\t sat\t in\t the dark\tplaying\this\tdead\twife\u2019s\tfavorite\trecords.\tI\twas\tjust\ta\tkid\tand\tI\tdidn\u2019t\tknow what\tI\twas\tasking\tfor. But\t I\t wished\t so\t hard.\t That\u2019s\t what\t always\t gets\t me.\t I\t was\t standing\t on\t a kitchen\tchair\twhen\tI\tasked\tmy\tmom\tfor\tsomething\tspecial.\tMy\trequest\tstreamed out\t of\t my\t chest\t like\t a\t sunbeam,\t from\t me\t to\t her,\t lighting\t up\t heaven,\t and\t that night\tI\trode\tmy\tbike\tunder\ta\tsunset\tthat\twas\tevery\tshade\tof\tpink.\tOne\tnod\tfrom Mom\t and\t the\t plan\t was\t in\t motion.\t That\u2019s\t why\t my\t heart\t still\t believes\t I\t made\t it happen. And\tlike\tall\tbig\twishes,\tI\tpaid\ta\tprice. To\tavoid\tfollowing\tthat\tparticular\ttrain\tof\tthought,\tI\tstart\tto\tthink\tabout\tmy golden\tsteaming\tbraid\tagain,\tjust\tas\tthe\tglass\tdoor\tto\tCenturion\tSecurity\tpushes open\t and\t a\t young\t woman\t steps\t in.\t Unlike\t my\t inelegant\t backward-pachyderm","entrance,\tshe\tlooks\tlike\tshe\u2019s\tslipping\tthrough\tred-velvet\tcurtains\tonto\ta\tstage.\tA spotlight\t wobbles\t and\t then\t encircles\t her\t in\t full\t focus.\t She\t carries\t glossy cardboard\t shopping\t bags,\t strung\t around\t each\t wrist\t like\t bunches\t of\t rectangle helium\tballoons\tthat\tstrain\theavily\tbelow\ther\twaist. The\t bags\t have\t expensive\t logos:\t Chanel,\t Prada,\t Fendi,\t Tiffany\t &\t Co.\t The audience\t knows\t this\t is\t a\t girl\t of\t generous\t means.\t She\u2019s\t wearing\t a\t dress\t that sparkles.\tHer\thair\tis\tlong\tand\tOld-Hollywood\twhite-blonde.\tShe\tlifts\ther\tface\tto the\tlight\tand\ther\taudience\tthinks,\tholy\tshit.\tIneloquent,\tbut\twe\u2019re\tall\tin\tthe\tsame boat\tthere. Here\t she\t is,\t Claudia\t Carson,\t my\t own\t personal\t wish\t come\t true,\t and\t this\t is how\tshe\tenters\tevery\tsingle\troom.","About\tthe\tAuthor SALLY\t THORNE\t lives\t in\t Canberra,\t Australia,\t and\t spends\t her\t days\t writing funding\t submissions\t and\t drafting\t contracts\t (yawn!),\t so\t it\u2019s\t not\t surprising\t that after\t hours\t she\t climbs\t into\t colorful\t fictional\t worlds\t of\t her\t own\t creation.\t She lives\twith\ther\thusband\tin\ta\thouse\tfilled\twith\tvintage\ttoys,\ttoo\tmany\tcushions,\ta haunted\t dollhouse,\t and\t the\t world\u2019s\t sweetest\t pug.\t The\t Hating\t Game\t is\t her\t first novel. Discover\tgreat\tauthors,\texclusive\toffers,\tand\tmore\tat\thc.com.","Praise\tfor\tThe\tHating\tGame \u201cDeliciously\tfun\tand\tsuper\tsexy,\tSally\tThorne\u2019s\tThe\tHating\tGame\tstole\tmy\tlife for\t two\t days.\t I\t couldn\u2019t\t put\t it\t down\t until\t Lucy\t and\t Josh\u2019s\t all-consuming hateship\t changed\t into\t a\t tentative\t friendship\t and\t then\t a\t juicy,\t tender,\t adorable love.\u201d \u2014Valerie\tFrankel,\tbestselling\tauthor\tof\tFour\tof\ta\tKind \u201cA\t brilliant,\t biting,\t hilarious\t new\t voice.\t The\t Hating\t Game\t will\t take\t the\t rom- com\tworld\tby\tstorm.\tOne\tof\tthe\tbest\tI\u2019ve\tread,\tever.\u201d \u2014Kristan\tHiggins,\tNew\tYork\tTimes\tbestselling\tauthor\t\u201cAn\taddictive,\tdazzling debut.\tThe\tHating\tGame\tis\tbursting\tat\tthe\tseams\twith\tlove\t(and\thate)\tand\theart.\u201d \u2014Christina\tLauren,\tNew\tYork\tTimes\tbestselling\tauthor\t\u201cBe\tprepared\tto\tplay\tthe Charming\tGame\twith\tSally\tThorne.\tThe\tirrepressible\tLucy\tand\ther\tstarchy, growly\tcounterpart\tJoshua\twill\twin\tyou\tover\tfrom\tthe\topening\tpage.\u201d \u2014Jane\tLitte,\tDear\tAuthor \u201cThorne\tis\ta\tstrong\twriter\tand\tone\tto\twatch.\tHer\tdebut\twill\thave\treaders\trooting for\tboth\tLucy\tand\tJoshua\tin\twhatever\tgames\tthey\tplay.\u201d \u2014Library\tJournal \u201cFunny,\t smart,\t fresh,\t and\t thoroughly\t enjoyable\t from\t the\t first\t delicious\t page\t to the\tlast.\tI\thighly\trecommend.\u201d \u2014Susan\tElizabeth\tPhillips,\tNew\tYork\tTimes\tbestselling\tauthor","","Credits Cover\tdesign\tby\tConnie\tGabbert","Copyright This\t book\t is\t a\t work\t of\t fiction.\t The\t characters,\t incidents,\t and\t dialogue\t are\t drawn\t from\t the\t author\u2019s imagination\tand\tare\tnot\tto\tbe\tconstrued\tas\treal.\tAny\tresemblance\tto\tactual\tevents\tor\tpersons,\tliving\tor\tdead, is\tentirely\tcoincidental. THE\tHATING\tGAME.\tCopyright\t\u00a9\t2016\tby\tSally\tThorne.\tAll\trights\treserved\tunder\tInternational\tand\tPan- American\t Copyright\t Conventions.\t By\t payment\t of\t the\t required\t fees,\t you\t have\t been\t granted\t the nonexclusive,\tnontransferable\tright\tto\taccess\tand\tread\tthe\ttext\tof\tthis\te-book\ton-screen.\tNo\tpart\tof\tthis\ttext may\t be\t reproduced,\t transmitted,\t decompiled,\t reverse-engineered,\t or\t stored\t in\t or\t introduced\t into\t any information\t storage\t and\t retrieval\t system,\t in\t any\t form\t or\t by\t any\t means,\t whether\t electronic\t or\t mechanical, now\tknown\tor\thereafter\tinvented,\twithout\tthe\texpress\twritten\tpermission\tof\tHarperCollins\te-books. FIRST\tEDITION ISBN\t978-0-06-243959-8 EPub\tEdition\tAUGUST\t2016\tISBN\t9780062439604 16\t\t17\t\t18\t\t19\t\t20\t\t\t\tOV\/RRD\t\t\t\t10\t\t9\t\t8\t\t7\t\t6\t\t5\t\t4\t\t3\t\t2\t\t1","About\tthe\tPublisher Australia HarperCollins\tPublishers\tAustralia\tPty.\tLtd. Level\t13,\t201\tElizabeth\tStreet\tSydney,\tNSW\t2000,\tAustralia www.harpercollins.com.au Canada HarperCollins\tCanada 2\tBloor\tStreet\tEast\t-\t20th\tFloor\tToronto,\tON\tM4W\t1A8,\tCanada www.harpercollins.ca New\tZealand HarperCollins\tPublishers\tNew\tZealand\tUnit\tD1,\t63\tApollo\tDrive\tRosedale\t0632 Auckland,\tNew\tZealand\twww.harpercollins.co.nz United\tKingdom HarperCollins\tPublishers\tLtd. 1\tLondon\tBridge\tStreet\tLondon\tSE1\t9GF,\tUK www.harpercollins.co.uk United\tStates HarperCollins\tPublishers\tInc. 195\tBroadway New\tYork,\tNY\t10007 www.harpercollins.com"]