My Entire Life is an Inquiry...but I Know Yours is Too

my box of memories How overwhelming technology is Creating an archive of photos, music, objects Be selective Take photos of photos? Screenshots? A digital book? Hover / hyperlinks? Notes to be incorporated? Photo Booth? Photos and recordings? Pull quotes? Every Chapter has a different color scheme? Logo? Chapters? Timeline? Semesters? Classes? Categories? Cabinet of wonders? Folder of Wonders? Vectorize Mac Icons, folders, iD, photos, Photo Booth, etc, create my own icons? Enter the password for Adams @ risd .edu Your cloud storage has run out I cloud download icon Your disk is almost full Save space Yes Nov 28 I love you corinna I love you Jack I love you Destiny I really love you guys I love everyone Nov 24 Reflect on the people in your life 101

welcome to NOV 22 Written notes: FLASHCARDS! 1. Authenticity. How do you use language to ex- press your voice & individuality? 2. Envision,versus reality. Curiosity Map, patterns 3. Growing up in the digital world. How this shapes our understanding of memory, place, time, value, change, growth, media, and the construction of identity 4. DP: Documenting my notes through college and making a map of of my growth, displaying EVERY- THING I’VE LEARNED AND SOLIDIFYING UNCERTAINTY. 5. Making series of design templates that can be installed in windows for XYZ —> allowing people a way to display their messages to the public 6. How do we curate the stories of our lives? 7. You’re perfect the way you are Etienne. You are young, so live freely. Live Happily. Laugh. Spend time with friends. It’s ok to not be 100% successful. You will make mistakes and these will lead to potentials of growth. 8. You have a great mind. Make BOLD < type focus. Black background project. I think I just want to create what I want to see in the world. 102

my box of memories 9. The things I want to see the things I want to feel experience that are also a convergence (the process of lines meeting at a point) and extension of how I see the world 10. I don’t know if my creative ambitions are gen- uine, or a result of academia instilling in me the idea that the value of my work correlates with the value of myself as an individual. Therefore if I’m not producing I’m falling be- hind in the game of life. I don’t want to be- come a machine… I’ve always wanted to enjoy the job I choose, and I do enjoy design a lot, but the point was never to—well, I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter what career path you choose. If you want to become successful you have to engulf yourself into the system, and capitalize yourself. So maybe I should make anti-corporate capitalist design, design with a message? Entirely organizing the story of our lives into years Audio (it never ends) (22) 1. ESOTSM—Starts off with something super impul- sive and is upset when people get upset at her. Thinking about honeymoon phases, dancing in the sheets. It feels like we’re really trying to move on for the best. At the same time we need to remind ourselves that we shouldn’t want 103

welcome to to forget everything. To not dwell on the neg- ativity. We should want to remember the good but also need to remember the bad. They’re what allowed us to grow. It is the conflicts that shapes our trust and understanding of each oth- er. These feelings of reliance run very deep within both of us. I like our past not our present I need to be honest I cant make him go back. I might experience snippets of them but I would still have to overcome discomforts. We did work really hard and stayed together for a really long time. Its important to validate the hard work and the issues and inherent differ- ences. It’s best sometimes to let things not working not work and move on instead of trying so hard to make something work when it doesn’t and find yourself and to be willing to find comfort in that 104

my box of memories 2. I shouldn’t feel guilty about this break up and putting an end to endless loop. This is the real world and I also have a responsibility to myself first. 3. Potential project idea—A map that is human size. 4. Surrounds you. Corner something you have to stand up to and study and examine. Collages of my writing I’ve done over the years. Scanning my notes. Refining them and turning them into a giant compilation of everything I’ve learned. Evidence and documentary oasis notebooks or the red and orange Fabriano as records of growth 5. 4:30 AM. I wonder how many times this has hap- pened to me. Sometimes my mind is not ready to go to bed. Sometimes it’s nice to process some things. Called Vitoria and got super hyped up updating her. Is very stimulating and active for my brain. Distracted me from doing work which becomes another source of stress. Going through old photos. Blue hair, blond hair, the fact that I dyed my hair forever ago when covid started and I still have some damaged hair. 6. Our lives simply becomes 7. I am overwhelmed and I look at all these pho- tos. I look composed and have learned to dis- guise my stress. Covid loneliness has been a lot. It makes me sad. 8. I sit here alone in the design center in 212. I can hardly believe that this used to be where we all congregated for lecture. It feels like a completely different room. Wild to see all of these designed voices, but no people. Feels like a ghost image, leftover remnant. It feels 105

welcome to like the cycle of designers starting over. The difficulty to make decisions confidently. Really putting the path into perspective of the Graph- ic Design program. You grow so much as a de- signer. 9. Exported songs in garage band: going through wave of being able to listen to it as a final product. 10. My work is not perfect, but it sounds like I’m simply asking a lot of questions and exploring the possibilities of photography, design, using the tools that I have as a designer in the 21st century, my laptop, music production. We have to think about how software use is the context for our making. 11. Ultimately, I’m just a human being. These tools are just ways for me to express myself & that’s it. Looking back to my freshman experience. Toolbox and drawing and spatial and how hard I was working and growing and learning moving away for the first time becoming this teenage, this young man. Studying the tools of art, my whole life. 12. Refined art should not be commodified. It is purely me asking questions. I think its val- id for me to remind myself even if its in the middle of the night how much I love art and my school and the hard work and I’ve been not pushing myself as much lately. 13. The impact & importance of criticism. Cri- tique is a very integral part of an art educa- tion. Even when criticism is not constructive and deconstructive, it can at least be a source of motivation. 106

my box of memories 1. Holding other people to a high standard is a way to show them you love them and ac- knowledge their potential. 2. Teachers telling me I don’t respect dead- lines or to create more time for refinement makes me more aware of my final products, it is something I need to hear. When peo- ple give me criticism, it motivates me to prove them wrong and to show that I know what I’m doing. 3. When you’re growing up, you know, I was a basic kid. Doing my own thing. These kids who tease me actually allowed me through this “criticism” that I was able to grow and work on those things like you know what, I do have a spine, I can stand up for myself if you’re gonna make me, and I can be relatable. My mom too has said things that piss me off and make me want to prove her wrong in every single regard. College doubt, internship doubt, and look where I am now. I grew up being compared to people that were doing things better than me and instead of being congratulat- ed for my accomplishments or seeing what I was doing more than people closer to my motivation level. And now the ques- tion is you’re not gonna find a job—I am a hard worker. If I was able to get through Franklin & RISD I doubt all of that moti- vation is going to simply disappear. This is part of who I am. 4. Boys on tinder w/ no personality—look su- per comfortable and non-challenged grow- 107

welcome to ing up. Haven’t really gone through growth and desire to prove people and the world wrong, something I had to deal with and still have to deal with a lot. 14. Sad how I have to experience this funnamplifi- cation by myself. Importance of your personality being appreciated and reciprocity in relation- ships. Nov 21 AOC SPEECH We have to have a vision for our future The only vision is winning is an audacious one A wall is a vision symbolic and representative If we do not have an inspiring vision we risk losing even more Master storytelling Tell our stories and make arguments with 5 senses not 5 facts Tell the stories in terms of the senses We are all having the same human experience Our politics are at their best when our head and our heart align When the visceral also aligns with the academic 108

my box of memories When our facts are not separated or has a hierarchy But they are put together Because emotions are also information as well The amount of resentment in 2016 democratic loss We were telling people that what they are seeing is not what is happening People wanted to punish Hope is not just optimism Hope is saying we have already done this We can, there’s a strategy It will only happen if we are courageous Actually telling the truth It’s not about winning it’s about FIGHTING People say thank you trying for fighting It’s not. You’re gonna vote for us no matter what because were the lesser of two evils If only you voted we would pass all these things for you People vote for democrats but they dont like them they don’t love the party We take working ppl for granted bc You should vote for us for your survival None of these messages are galvanizing We need to tell the truth and take a risk. Legitimately risking things to make people’s lives better Public servant has to do ME US 109

welcome to NOW The worldview is the diagnosis after telling these three stories No matter what time advances we decide if we advance with it Nov 21 I honestly am feeling such a strong impulse to tran- scribe my thoughts into a keyboard right now --- Maybe it’s like a confrontational notebook that deals with my difficulty holding myself accountable lol Endless notebook Just a venting mechanism THE VENTING MECHANISM Finish at least a hard sketch of HORIZON before I graduate. Ask destiny if she wants to work on it and post it too Probably over wintersession --- How to measure intangible data. Growing up in the digital age How this influences our memory, place, time, change, growth, media, self representations, constructing identities through the multiple containers of life, relationships with other people 110

my box of memories How are we not all just incredibly overwhelmed by the universe that we’ve been thrown into? I’m kind of upset that there was never a guide book to life when I was struggling the most with person- al things like greif and even just the normal every- day things like self consciousness anxiety and self care. I feel like this stuff should be basic and should not have to be dug through and it seems like every- one has their lives together on the outside, but I feel like we’ve just all become very good actors in masking our incredible disbelief. How do we create systems that are reflective of our lives? ------ Designing your life This is very poetic. 111

welcome to How do we quantify our lives? Listening to music from my past All of the years that I’ve lived and all of the memo A year is 100% of your life when you’re 1 A year is 1/20th of your life when you’re 20 20 years is 100% of your life As we grow older, our relationship to time is chang- ing. We will never have the same relationship to time that we used to have because we are constantly grow- ing older. And we will never have the relationship we will have in the future. Lifespan of human—Lifespan of present moment. Relative proportion Abstract, non-concrete, but very much present and important Time as a measuring system Time is relative and constantly changing Yet the ways in which we measure time is not Time is a constant But our relationship to time Is not Daylight savings, time zones, our system of time is inconsistent and does not always work We created a time system that is a reflection of our lives. Doesn’t work for cells or for stars. --- Agency & Urgency: The Medium and its Message Notes Lorraine Wild & Karwan 1968 NYC Type Directors Club Distinctions between professional and grassroots 112

my box of memories graphic design Corporate, commercial, newspapers, magazines “Business as Usual” to talk about the irony of ok we get it this is what we expect that doesn’t really say much or have much of a message —Milton Glaser —Herb Lubalin —Bradbury Thompson —Seymour Chwast —concert posters, independent pubs, flyers, announce- ments. Antiwar, civil rights, feminism all emerged as this new idea of personal liberation and communal engage- ment. DIY type is seen as amateur Urgency Density of composition because 1. Financial reason 2. They have a lot to say, even if it overwhelms the viewer. Its the Energy! The experimentation! Maybe DP can combine darkroom photography with super modern graphic design Experiment with saying a lot versus saying nothing at all Political radicalization newspapers like Berkeley Tribe and Black Panther in the Bay Area. Washington Free Press DC. LA Free Press. Fifth Estate Detroit. Generational split of younger ppl rejecting national mainstream media as corrupt. So standards for underground design are as irrele- vant to mainstream design as the standards of main- stream design are for underground design—same goes with underground press and mainstream press. 113

welcome to Nov 20 Create logo chart. Of ones I can simply find on my laptop, phone, wow Nov 12 Good morning I just wanted to write a little bit I woke up today after sleeping a full 10 hours Started getting sleepy around 11:30 but I lit a can- dle and was able to reflect a little bit on my life after a long long phone call with corinna I was thinking about how soon I would be going home for Christmas Was thinking about my house in New Orleans Picturing myself calmly documenting my work from this semester in my upstairs room :) Seeing my cats Getting a Nola recharge And then thinking about the great time in Paris that awaits going off on my French side And doing little adventures Seeing Lene, her friends, Alizee, Doing a trip to Nice to visit Pepe and Mamie Maybe going to Lausanne 114

my box of memories And these sorts of interactions are what fill my life with meaning. My circuit of connections is quite different in Paris than what it is in the US, but it is definitely a side of me I am very connected to. Thinking back to those times I ventured around with Sean and Elise drinking wine, listening to La Femme in the Paris metro solo, feeling like an independent bitch. 115

welcome to will be able to show my work to friends and family and they will see how much I’ve grown Was thinking about how I could finally talk to Pepe as an adult And gather some of his perspective as a wise old man even though he comes off as grumpy all the time, I think he deserves someone that wants to listen to him And I feel like he’s getting to a point in life where he knows he’s towards the end… losing his sight and all and I’m at a point in life where I’m no longer the little boy he is used to seeing me as Nov 7 DP Deep dive into every single place Part 1 is Location & Word Association Part 2 could be deep dive into every location. Maybe New Orleans & Relationship to Time Legend? *present me here...what???^^^ Nov 5 At this point I don’t really know who to talk to in all honesty I feel as though I’ve exhausted my friend communica- tion for a bit I don’t want to become a burden Sometimes it feels like I have a limited number of texts I can send to friends. And it only gets re- plenished once they answer or once that topic has passed. Tonight, I’m feeling a lot of things. I don’t want 116

my box of memories to get too much into it—I think that right now a very important task for me is to take care of my mind and my body which I’ve been not doing so well on But anyway This election honestly feels like such a dark limbo period Election Day was on Tuesday and now it’s been like 3 days of literally just waiting on like 2 or 3 key states that will determine the election I was imagining more of the country to still be counting votes but now it’s literally come down to Georgia, Nevada, North Carolina and Pennsylvania. I’m kind of shook you know. This could be so simple. All Nevada needs to do is finish and Biden will be elected. I don’t know, I think it’s just the uncertainty right now that’s destroying me, every time I check the news it’s like a little progress is made but it’s still not called It kind of feels like a really long flight where the more you focus on how much time is left the longer it takes… The pure length of this election and the conversa- tions surrounding it has been exhausting in unavoid- able… I am ready for the national conversations to shift a little bit. Nov 5 This is just such a dark time. This covid style election with absentee ballots coming in , trump tweeting dictator stuff and all of his tweets get- ting flagged 117

welcome to Nov 3 Do type explorations. The most interesting thing about graphic design is type. Make sketches. What does the type for a life platform look like? For my poster, does it even matter what the content is if I have cool type? Essay on interactivity I think that in terms of interactivity, the most interesting argument is the debate on what it is. Through one lens you can define it as the audience / user making active choices. But what role do these choices have if the narrative already has those choices built in? I don’t see the difference between that and a viewer believing they know what to ex- pect is going to happen next only to be surprised by a turn of events. After thinking about it, I agree with the ideas discussed in the Kate Nash reading in that creating a distinction between simply watch- ing something and it having a degree of interactiv- ity, “characterized by a need to engage physically: touching, clicking, moving, typing and so on” is kind of problematic in that it rejects actively ex- periencing, listening, watching, and feeling, as a form of engagement itself. Whenever we watch a documentary, or any form of me- dia for that matter, we are interacting with it in some shape or form whether consciously or not. The 118

my box of memories opinions we form, the relationships and connections we create. “Active engagement” is just a way to gain control of the user so they don’t fall asleep or get bored or something. But if you think about it, it’s kind of a cop out, because if the content was engag- ing enough to begin with it wouldn’t need physical engagement. I see physical engagement simply as an enhancer of the experience. In the Bear 71 doc, I found it to be that as well, an enhancement to the experience. Yet at the same time, I am compelled to say that the ability to roam freely in this forest combined with the first person POV of the bear did a very good job and humanizing the bear and making me feel like a completely inhumane outsider. Another really important aspect that comes to mind when I think of interactivity is the format in which our media takes. Take books for example: part of the reason why books have margins, often times wider on the outside, is because the typesetter must take into account how much space your fingers will take up when holding the book. Your phone, too, is designed to be a small, handheld device, while a TV, which is going to be much larger, is also meant to be expe- rienced from farther away. So in the end, while all of these mediums might be different sizes, they are also meant to be experienced at different distances, and eventually taking up a similar portion of our visual fields. Does proximity to the body influence our emotional involvement? Does distance = detach- ment, and does handheld physicality increase personal attachment? ↑NOVEMBER 2020↑ 119

welcome to Oct 30 How are we not all just incredibly overwhelmed by the lives and the world that we’ve been thrown into ??? Sorry to get all existential but like really. I am hella overwhelmed, and emotional. Oct 25 Wayback Machine (For v. 1) The start of everything Personal Archive NOTE ADDITION (DESKTOP) I had to start a new note —Here’s to the start of a new school year. You can now see all of your classes + misc folder on your clean desktop. New cycle of life, using a similar system, allow for new things to emerge. On facebook: We are using the word “generation” to describe Face- book. Just shows its influence. Its much more than a website. The software itself IS SUPERFICIAL AND DOES NOT REPRESENT TRUE HUMAN CONNECTION. What is the software doing to us? Do people become the soft- ware? Our relationship to time? Reduction? There is no philosophy to back up this world of facebook. The discomfort and shallowness. It suddenly makes sense. Begin to visualize what accessible reading looks like. Develop visual system of categorical design and modularity of the room using only type. Using consistent typeface. 120

my box of memories The Future of Reading Not about the future of the book, but the future of reading, because that shapes the book We care about the contents rather than the specific format Keep honing your eye towards systematic strategies, especially related to type. How can your sensibili- ties related to material/printing, inform your pro- cess? Can you create a conversation in your process between the digital and analogue? This would further your voice and help build confidence related to typo- graphic form.” —Kelsey Elder NOTE ADDITION 2 (Desktop) HOW DO I WORK FOR TIME MAGAZINE??? Yeah I should really document personal thoughts / indd. Warming me up Sometimes I take these beautiful photos and What if we made a Google slides presentation? That would probably go faster and we can write less lol Two main aspects: Text and images and they’re both being decontextualized Looking at a language you can’t speak Images are based in the real world: trees growing, and sprouting and making them abnormal Not only does it turn the text into something for- eign Uncanny valley Parody of the world. How is the book laid out? 121

welcome to Two columned grid Text, captions, ratios, common in publication design —Justified —Architecture training? Using some sort of convention to put this imagina- tive world in a believable context. A lot of Influences, MC Escher and Bosch. I wish I could look at this and pin-point. I want to provide some explanation—to understand—to analyze—but impossible. Living in a modern period influenced by multiple pe- riods of time. Natural response and intuitive. In general there’s a dark mood Does it exist in the past or future? Perspective. What perspective. What if someone from out of this world saw this how would they think. Aliens—Part of it is confronting that unknown and unfamiliarity. You’re in italics im in bold Shapes the grid to become a compositional scaffold- ing for typographic narrative, crafting custom imag- es. Thinking about how using Facebook is a productive thing for myself in giving me an opportunity to go through photos while also acknowledging my role in a giant corporation that essentially benefits billion- aires like mark Zuckerberg who I couldn’t care less about 122

my box of memories Understanding the us as a whole? Amtrak lines in the us? Spongebob Episodes: Pranks a lot Bossy Boots Prehibernation week Culture Shock, FUN Hooky Imitation crabs Life of crime spongebob Gary takes a bath Jellyfish hunter!! Squid on strike One Krabs trash This idea of challenging our past. The key to beauty is the inside job. The key to beauty is feeling beautiful, and no amount of money or makeup can really compensate for loving yourself. And so make sure that you do that. That is the one foundation of everything. And if you need a little boost—or if you’re feeling particularly challenged that day—look in the mirror, and say, I’m the bomb. And I will make the world a better place in my own little pocket. Because. That’s what I’m here to do. You are a blessing to the world, your talents are a blessing to the world, no matter who you are, there 123

welcome to is something that you bring, and you need to know that. And that is the best beauty secret of them all. —AOC Vogue TAKE NOTE: This computer stresses me out. People have been blasting music in this neighborhood I don’t really understand it It’s a totally diff world up here The culture is definitely harsher This semester will be history refreshment / watching movies / designing poster / designing 3D GD projects / drawing. Horizon bookmarks Pedestrian Bridge Light poster Fig leaf Try to avoid this looking like a portfolio website. Process photos might be more interesting tbh Some map of everywhere stuff Document from above Natural Observations?? LAC OGDEN WORK!! 124

my box of memories HOW TO WORK AT VOX???? If only you would know What I’ve been thinking all along If only you would know That I’ve been right here waiting all along Woohoo What is reality Rather go back to sleep Where I can just dream in peace Wohoo what is this reality All this in humanity We’d all rather go back to sleep Oct 22 I want to create separate layers almost like a riso print so that when they are projected one on top of the other there is a slight registration. Print on matte several iterations. It goes with this whole idea of how we project our views onto the world, and how the world projects itself onto us. The reference to the film strip is meant to allude to how design is a space & time problem. Oct 16 I hate how comfortable I become once alone Oct 9 Focusing on individuals stories can change people’s minds. 125

welcome to No matter what perspective no matter what makes you unique Oct 8 Sometimes it’s hard to read bc words are too over- whelming on a page If it were up to me to typeset this Something about this format doesn’t feel like the editor read every single word So maybe this format is correct because it definitely speaks to having a lot to say I feel like there is a disconnect between listening to someone speak, speaking, writing and reading. All of these things need to be brought back together. I don’t go on tangents, ramble ramble ramble I do this FIRST, take all of that, separate it into chunks, summarize each chunk, and then turn it into a bigger idea. And that is the process of translating your thoughts into words for other people to understand. *pause* *thinks* You have to do that with words as well. How is my audience going to understand this? How can I put this into words into ideas that will be digestible? Idk I guess that’s what I’m interested in. There’s you’re experience of the world that gets 126

my box of memories turned into an interior monologue. There is that translation into words into ideas. Then you proof- read, and then you write, of transcription, then typesetting where those words are put into a visual format, a composition, where line spacing, character size, line length, margins, all play a factor in how you perceive. Then the audience can then take those words that were an extension of your experience of the world, take it in, translate it into their thoughts, contextualize it in a way that makes sense to them, their experiences of the world, into their minds. And they can then pass that knowledge on. Knowledge is like a snowball effect. Reading is like a snowball effect. You are never just reading in a vacuum. You are always reading the words that came out of a particular set of circumstances. From someone’s life. And the problem is when we try to deny this truth. To disconnect the writer from the writing. You’re not getting the full picture. We have to get the full picture. How can we get the full picture if we are 127

welcome to disconnecting the writer from their context? If we ignore the fact that when we perceive informa- tion, we are perceiving it due to a set of circum- stances and biases and cognitive biases influencing how we perceive information If we all became honest Transparent Just eliminated this hierarchy of information We would communicate a fuller picture of the world instead of snippets First dismantle this idea of disconnected wiring be- ing good writing or being factual Normalize talking about the insubstantial. This is what we see in social media The total democratization of information Twitter Jokes based on everyday experiences based off cul- tural trends, our common human experiences feeling sad, thirsty, frustrated These things have thousands of likes and go viral Adds legitimacy to it, legitimizes it Problem we only see it happening in social media not academia which is considered to be the “correct” or “superior”. Tweets use diction in a way that is resonant to mil- lions of people!!! Is the future of social media something that becomes 128

my box of memories more and more integrated into our academic lives? Education? Political systems? Do our political systems and educational systems in- form social media? You have college educated young people hopping on and connecting their intellect on these platforms AOC fusion of education, and political representa- tion This rant is for me. To begin to get my mind think- ing and to get my brain working and get the gears turning and get the ideas out, so that I have an idea of what I’m thinking. This process is an opportunity for me to put my thoughts into words and to eventually analyze it and break it up into several themes and extrapolate sig- nificant points that will go to an audience. Everything that I’m saying is influenced by my expe- riences Though social media Technology Just being in the sun Just being a human being Through being in Providence Being in a place in time for the sole reason of school RISD taking a financial risk The fact that I am being asked to think about this for a project This is a rehearsal of something that I am going to rehash later. This is a response to a prompt that was given to me. This was never an idea happening in a vacuum. Let’s dismantle that. Context. 129

welcome to What am I even saying? Is this is academic talk? Can I critique academia while also being a participant? It’s not like you are not allowed to critique some- thing because you are a part of it. You can critique democrats and be a democrat. You can critique materialism and capitalism but be a participant in a capitalistic society You can critique academia and be an academic. There’s actually no way to critique it if you are NOT a participant in it. Because your critique is not rooted in first hand experiences Which is why experiences are so important Experiences should really be the center of how we communicate with one another. Because experience is what dictates our critique of the world— it is what allows us to form 130

my box of memories opinions to manifest on a massive scale—with the potential to impact the lives of others. Oct 7 ON UNSUSTAINABILITY OF THE DIGITAL WORLD Just the other day, after months of my laptop be- ing low on storage, I finally decided to do it: to go through and delete my photos. My laptop is connected to iPhotos, which, through the cloud, synchroniz- es and backs up all of the photos I’ve taken on my phone since senior year of high school. That’s over 4 years of photos—19,000 images—taking up a fourth of my laptop’s storage. After doing the math, it averages out to about 11 photos per day. 11 photos taken, every day of my life, for the past 4 years. Obviously there were periods where I’d take more than others, like traveling vs. staying home all day. But it still calls to question this idea of the accumulation and hoarding of memories. It makes me think about how we seem to constantly be plan- ning out stuff in the future, only for it to sudden- ly become etched into the past before we know it. It feels as though we are so rooted in planning out our futures that we never make time to live in the pres- ent or reflect on our past. 131

welcome to So I transfer the images onto the external hard drive. A giant operation that lasted about 5 hours—a grand majority of my documented life being stored in this tiny little box. What does that even mean? Re-living significant periods & chapters of my life in such a short period of time, was overwhelming to say the least. It really quantified how much I have been through, how many places I’ve been, and how many peo- ple I’ve encountered. Seeing all of the photos I’d taken for educational purposes too. Studio critiques, lectures, or exhibitions. Documenting my growth in digital format. When was I even planning on looking back on these in detail? Do they even mean anything anymore if I’m not making an active effort to curate and reflect upon them? When reading these articles on a millennials’ tur- bocharged nostalgia, I agree with the concept, but felt as though they were still a little outdated hav- ing been written over 6 years ago. They speak about the emergence of “Throwback Thursdays” and how now, we are nostalgic for something that happened only a couple weeks ago. But so much has already changed. I think that at this point, the phenomenon of nostalgia has become even more engraved into our daily lives. Because it’s not just your images. It’s your music. The games we used to play. The things we learned. The people we used to call. We not only long for the memories, but for the entire life structures that we created for ourselves at the time. When I first started RISD, I remember becoming ex- tremely aware of the ways in which I was living my life. I made an effort to listen to new songs, expe- 132

my box of memories rience new places, meet new people, and to document it very strategically so that I could one day look back and feel the starting of college as the representation of a new chapter in my life. It required an immense intake of information, and then going through that information, keeping the things I liked, and reject- ing everything I deemed irrelevant to the larger theme of that period (i know, i sound crazy). But now when I see my old photos, looking back on it, I am in fact nostalgic for this vision—this vulnerability, that ac- tually allowed me to grow immensely as a person. I think that once we become more aware of the ways in which we live our lives in the present, we can begin to beat nostalgia at its own game. We can employ as much self-directed agency as possible. Take as much control over the context in which we surround our- selves, and begin to dictate the narratives we will one day be fond of. It is worth noting that this re- sponsibility, and this job of constantly filtering our lives to this extent, is unseen in previous genera- tions. There is so much more of a pressure to pursue a lifestyle with bold and specific intentionality. I often think about how at this point in time, even as young as 21 years old, I feel as though I have enough memories to suffice for an entire lifetime of reflec- tion. This is because of how much we are capturing now a days. I have thousands of photos, files, digital doc- uments, and things I have yet to process, that I could theoretically revisit and archive one day. 133

welcome to Yet, the clock continues to tick, with new memories continuing to emerge relentlessly. The problem is when you have thousands of photos you know you’re never gonna go through and they’re tak- ing up all of this storage. Storage is never free. Which in this case, translates memories as storage, which means that your memories come with a price too. This is unsustainable. We cannot keep document- ing forever. This dynamic literally changes the ways in which we live our lives as I’ve discussed. So as designers, how do we challenge the ways in which we document? Digital Alzheimers This idea that I have like 80 GB of photos on my laptop that are eating up hella on my storage This idea that memories take up storage. What quali- fies as a memory? Oct 1 The Catholic Church may technically disapprove of homosexuality, but not when they can use it to exercise power and influence. 134

my box of memories ↑OCTOBER 2020↑ Sept 30 Uhh risd graduation post? Thinking about all of the people I’ve encountered throughout my time at risd. The first people I met freshman year, my roommate, sectionmates, studio mates. Idk. something like To my risd community, please keep in touch. I prom- ise I really liked most of you and probably wish I spent more time hanging out with you all while I could. No that sounds stupid Nevermind Sept 28 Having a camera in our pockets has altered our re- lationship to time. We document things in the pres- ent moment so that we can then look back on them in the future, once that present moment has become part of the past. We then RE experience the past in the present moment. This isn’t any different than say objects we accumulate that hold value & meaning, but it’s interesting to think about how this type of “photography” absolves of all transitions and turns our lives into a stop motion. 135

welcome to DESK Package pencil sharpener stapler lamp art his- tory dictionary ender’s game Walmart clock pens pencils protractor right angle hard drive wallet notebook masking tape calligraphy pen sunglasses mouse wire oil paint MacBook charger iPhone charger Canon DSLR AirPods Drawer 1 Neverwhere photopaper headphones cam- era charger What shape is Space Drawer 2 Calculator letters postcards inks tape charcoal New York Trip Drawer 3 Headphone case Pencil case letter stencils Handouts Geometry Book Important documents Bookshelf First shelf Classic desk lamp mirror toiletries toiletries trousse de toi- lette mirror advil scissors, tweezers allergy relief razor chapstick shampoo conditioner soap face wash bath towels Second shelf masks mardi gras beads RISD covid test pouch Kleenex Third Shelf 136

my box of memories Wifi router chords dad’s CD’s incense BED Polka dot pillow floral pillow white pillow pat- terned pillow soft gradient blue blanket solid blue blanket blue comforter soft white sheet mattress sheet 20$ bed and frame from free & for sale DRESSER Top Shelf Lamp energy lotion keys phone charger phone underwear socks etc Sept 27 I think an important aspect of arguing in politics is not only about confirming & exciting your base. These people already agree with you. it is also a matter of hearing the arguments made against you, addressing them, saying okay, many people are un- der the impression that medicare for all consists of removing people from the health care that they have, but I want to clarify that that’s not how it works. Omg. You can’t be divisive. Sept 22 Ask everyone to write to me about their day. And then rewrite it in third person Ask people to just talk to me 137

welcome to Interviews?? How do you actively shape your life? How do you write more openly and more light on the eyes? > Go through your camera roll photos And find me a picture you want to talk about. A Global Community The methods in which we are productive members of society We are productive members of society! Sept 22 Some thoughts: Making reading more accessible Realized this through writing in an anecdotal way/ Creating a record Find this to be a much more natural and represen- tative way of how we interact with the world. Giant books I’ve always found to be overwhelming, there’s just too much. When I write take notes, I find myself making connections, going on tangents, having a fo- cus So I write this thing in the summer: The potential of technology Level of interactivity in the modern world You have control and power over your life we craft and build our lives exactly the ways in 138

my box of memories which we want. We have that power. Why is traditional academia so hard to read? Why is “knowledge” defined as very dense writing? Why can’t we practice writing more openly? traditional academic writing derails from all personality. how do we increase representation within pedagogical narratives I want to see non-linear thinking in academic writing. I want to see an idea interrupted by another. By the writer’s 139

welcome to own inspirations, thoughts, insecurities. Imagine reading a critical essay and suddenly the writer starts to rant about something going on in his personal life. Put it on paper and print it out. So that we can learn from one another, as a global community. We are all alive, passively, instead of actively Being analytical will lead to a more self-aware society 140

my box of memories Sept 22 (originally written over summer I think) this is a very basic document created out of a de- sire to express my thoughts in a medium I’m comfort- able with Speaking of comfort, even the process of sitting down and getting ready to even write this had to do with comfort. I sit down and connected my air- pods to my laptop which didn’t work, so I had to do this whole thing until getting them connected with my phone that needs to charge bc its on 20% so it’s by my bed which means I need to get up if I want to change the volume or anything so I do and then sit back down and then roll the chair back in and bang my ankle against the wheels. Then I realize it’s still too loud and need to do it all again. Then I need to do this thing and an other thing and then my InDesign workspace are messed up then I’m like oh it’s too cold and there’s always this struggle to find comfort, and I think I know why: ° We live in an era where technology is so power- ful, flexible, and adaptable. ° We can adjust the temperature in our homes to the exact degree we want. ° We can play whatever music we want, hands-free, at whatever volume we are most comfortable with. ° We only buy the clothes that we are completely satisfied with that fit our bodies exactly the way we want them to. 141

welcome to ° We post what we want on social media. With tweets, character limitations, a need to catch peo- ples attention quickly through concise captions, we are forced to choose our words carefully. And it’s like, while yes, there are many cultural and societal norms we have to conform to, ultimate- ly, we craft and build our lives exactly the ways in which we want. We have that power. Perhaps not in every department. And it is definitely a privilege to participate in such an adaptive lifestyle. But it is present. People like to know they have control over their lives. My point being, we’re all super picky now. This “OCD” thing people keep talking about stems from a true discomfort developed from not having things exactly how we want. I do this too at times. In the summer I can’t fall asleep unless it’s cold enough, unless the fan is in my face, unless it is dark enough. I cannot comfortably listen to music unless it is at the right volume. I cannot sit at my lap- top if too many windows are open—and especially as a designer, if I don’t feel like I have control and autonomy over how I organize this digital space. Ok now at this point I’m just kind of caffeinated and my fingertips are sweaty and I feel gross. And now as this document turns into stream of consciousness I return to this idea: Why is traditional academia so hard to read? Why is “knowledge” defined as very dense writing? Why can’t we practice writing more openly? Instead of cramming as much information as possible into an article, 142

my box of memories allow ourselves to space ideas out. To simplify the world. Reading is a visual process. Our brains cannot han- dle too many words on a single page. Too many ideas on a single page. And once again I think about this idea of personal voice. Why is it that so many tra- ditional academic writing derails from all person- ality? And it’s in this conversation of personal voice and of decolonizing design that we begin to think about how do we increase representation within pedagogical narratives? For decades minorities have not seen themselves represented in academia and have been force-fed this idea that there is a correct way to do things. The canon is not only westernized, white-washed, and elitist, but it also enforces cer- tain cultural influences that go beyond gender and race. I want to see non-linear thinking in academic writ- ing. I want to see an idea interrupted by another. By the writer’s own inspirations, thoughts, insecu- rities. Imagine reading a critical essay and sudden- ly the writer starts to rant about something going on in his personal life. If I can legitimize writing about my experiences walking around Providence, tak- ing a train to Stratford, the cold of winter, the warmth of spring, my crazy neighbors, my awful ten- ants, and the stress of loans, then anyone should. Because to me it actually has less to do with these experiences themselves—and more so the importance of articulating them. 143

welcome to We are alive—We should not be living passively but actively analyzing and engaging with our surround- ings. Not only being productive members of society, but thinking about our roles and methods in which we do so Despite our differences, we are all experiencing life as human beings. Instead of thinking that be- cause we all experience life differently that we have nothing in common we should be thinking that it is the fact that we all experience life different- ly itself that we have in common. It is ridiculous to even attempt to standardize it through a single “platform” like Facebook or Instagram. Experienc- es are complex. Language is complex. We cannot cap- ture the spectrum of humanity through an instagram or facebook post. This generation has been gifted with the awesome tools and potential of technolo- gy: we can take photos, videos, record sound. We can jot down thoughts, use different typefaces, collage, etc. Our phones hold all of our favorite apps, mu- sic, and people. Think about all of the apps on our phones and the purposes they serve. Snapchat it- self is very personal. You casually send photos of your face, of you walking around your house, inti- macy, combined with a short caption, to people you love. Instagram is a giant web of people you’ve met throughout different chapters of your life translat- ed into a follower and following fount and a mosaic of moments you choose to share to this web (the au- diences are very different). Meanwhile, your texts are more focused on communication and setting up arrangements with the people in your life to meet 144

my box of memories up, talk about something, send photos to people’s phone number directly without needing a third-par- ty texting or messaging app. And because of social media you don’t really need to have someone’s phone number, since you’re now connected through the app. Music allows you do go about your daily tasks, or not, and have a background noise to listen to. It can hype you up, calm you down, inspire you, get you in the zone. Music is powerful. You have a notes app so your thoughts don’t disappear. I could go on, but my point is, real life is closer to the entirety of the smartphone itself than it is to a single one of these platforms. And what we are seeing is that as these platforms evolve, the cross- overs grow. You can now text on instagram, snapchat, and iMessage. You can post videos on snapchat or in- stagram. It is great that this is where we have gotten as a society in terms of social life… But it seems as though these advancements are ahead of their time. You must give them credit for that. It seems as though the rest of the world needs to catch up. As a 21st century designer, my goal is to integrate the diversity of experiences and the range of ways in which they can be captured and shared with oth- ers beyond social media and into academia, into art, into all other aspects of life. How can we preach about diversifying design unless we know, see, feel, and hear the experiences of oth- ers? Of everyone? Combined? What do we have in com- mon? What is unique to our perception of the world? 145

welcome to What does how we express these discoveries say about the discoveries themselves, or the person themself, or the audience itself? How do we create a healthy community and healthy society that feels safe and comfortable sharing its experiences with others without fear of judgement? Do we allow support? Do we need support? How do we show that we value some- one? Everyone? Why has social media become so in- dividually oriented instead of community oriented? Because as someone who uses it, sharing to instagram feels very different that seeing others on it. It feels less of a community and more of a chance to see who can steal the spotlight. When the reading brain skims texts, we don’t have time to grasp complexity, to understand another’s feelings or to perceive beauty. We need a new form of literacy for the digital age. Carrion, says that while margins, punctuation, and conventions are beautiful discoveries, we don’t no- tice them anymore because we use them every day The Problem is, do we want to be reading? Dear Reader, You don’t want to read this / you want to read this Vs This is my private journal Sept 21 I absolutely, Truly, 146

my box of memories Missed the feeling of laying in bed with the heater on I don’t know what the temperature is exactly, around 40 right now. 51. I need the heat. Mr. Me woke up at 7:30 today for no reason. I woke up early today but basically accomplished nothing I have studio tomorrow but I haven’t done anything and I’m just so over it. I just want to sleep. I’ve been thinking about what it means to be alive The fact that just a handful of things happen and before we know it its time to go to bed The fact that the human cycle is lined up with the planets but we know that it doesn’t quite work that way Sept 20 Is there a way to simply— Disconnect from your phone without seeming rude? How to convey— The fear of— or rather the pressure of never being able to turn it off and be truly alone at this point Sept 19 The concept of the notification It’s the first thing you check, for the little number next to your inbox or in the facebook notifications 147

welcome to bar… That’s the thing that keeps you hooked This illusion of a consistently developing and in- formative world of things pending your attention Like what do these notifications want??? What are they trying to tell me this time And you kind of don’t have a choice now especially with the fusion of the digital world And keeping up with it during covid Sept 17 What I miss: It’s my cats, it’s my house, its my friends and my life back home It’s not just that relationships im trying to move on from I just can’t constantly be thinking about home be- cause it’ll just make me sad I don’t have time for that now The chaos of life Thinking about how just a couple weeks ago I was living in New Orleans in that pink bedroom with a sleeping mask on, with the AC blasting every night. Surrounded by Michael, Corinna, my mom, circles of friends, neighbors, Zim, Cindy, Tasha. And how this compares or contrasts with the dynamics of my cir- cumstances in Providence. There is a lot of people not wanting to communicate. I’ve just been trying to stay positive, but there are times where the accu- mulative exhaustion exerts itself on my body. Give your body a break. Sleep more. No one is or should 148

my box of memories be or can be preventing you from doing that. I don’t know why certain things are so hard, and almost an- tithetical to my nature. I don’t know if this soci- ety we’ve created is a healthy one. Sept 16 Information overload: Do you ever go through your photos or instagram or whatever and notice that you have memory after memo- ry but you’re not reflecting It’s like We put things on social media to be seen by people in the moment But “stalking” someone is perceived as creepy. It seems less like a phonebook, and more like a pri- vate, live update of someones life. It is not de- signed to go super far back. September 12 James Goggin Questionnaire Corporate, commercial, newspapers, magazines Vs. an opportunity to showcase individual perspectives, in a speculative, anti-capitalist, and universal way. still figuring out what this means to me. I see this studio as an opportunity to broaden upon 149

welcome to my definition and understanding of graphic design. to be able to pinpoint / develop a lexicon for talking about more abstract ideas that I can see, but can’t put into words. I’m excited to be working again and to have a stu- dio that is focused on reading & research, that will perhaps propel me / provide catalyst into DP next Spring. I think this summer I’ve realized that I’m real- ly interested in the world of speculative design as well as designing democratically. To me, that means creating new dynamic platforms that can adapt ac- cording to and indicative of the complexity of human cultures and experiences. Social media, for ex., is so standardized and clas- sist, I’m over it. I want to design my own systems of interpreting the world (see my project “The Map of Everywhere”) to inspire others to do the same. The pressure to adhere to these design standards and massive social networks is an illusion. We just ar- en’t asking ourselves what other possibilities exist as much as we need to. Before designers, I really admire NY’s 14th Rep- resentative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She is who inspired me to decipher American politics & incor- porate forward thinking ideas into my work. I also really like Paula Scher, political newspapers during 50s 60s like Berkeley Tribe and Black Panther, Emory Douglass, Sister Corita Kent, and some great identi- ty projects done by Intégral Ruedi Baur Paris. 150