My Entire Life is an Inquiry...but I Know Yours is Too

my box of memories Next scale is preparing yourself for like trips and stuff The process of getting ready begins days before Then there is the actual departure And once you arrive, you can settle: expand and de- compress belongings And once again, there is the actual day that you leave but departure begins days before when you start mentally preparing yourself Same how like there isn’t just the flight, but board- ing and getting off are parts of it too Life is like a flight. But this structure I feel is not something t I used to always do I would just live in the moment and avoid the whole preparation thing but after being told time after time to anticipate and to plan ahead, the time that I spend in preparation is actually so important and requires my full focus because I’m so scared of for- getting something Also similar to a train ride, The train ride is an hour Settling in: 15 mins Start playing music: for 30 mins 20 mins before arrival: put coat back on. Prepare for movement again Prepare for human mobility and a stagnant world as opposed to a stagnant human with the world around it moving. But basically this loading and unloading processes cut so much time into the actual experience 51

welcome to If you want to spend 2 weeks somewhere, you really need 3 so that you can split that extra week before & after Vlog with black wind by Patrick Watson? <33 Psychology of airport design Jan 15 2021 Chaussetsdentins Lafayette A book of life 1. Words 1. By year: 2017 2. 2018 3. 2019 4. 2020 2. Photos 1. 2018 2. 2019 3. 2020 4. 2021 3. Music 1. Same 4. Places 1. Same 5. Misc Oh, the privilege to be constantly preoccupied, 52

my box of memories Messages Facebook Mail Instagram Twitter Tinder & constantly rotating between consumption of something The skill of being able to convey your thoughts vi- sually to an audience Don’t know what its going to be yet so you have to make a way to make concepts digestible People don’t really want to read, but just to look at it and understand what its about What if I made a series of books, videos, photos, etc Graphic design is not necessarily about the content But more about how you’re going to convey it and the method itself Interesting fun and natural Just sitting down and being productive. The distractions will always be there, but you have to actively avoid them...or incorporate them? You could instead of spending hours on social media Spend that time working on that project you’ve known about for a really long time. I think it is more rewarding to get things done in advance and have time to process instead of doing them at the last minute and not gaining that much out of them. Which is also an issue with academia in general. There’s no excuse when you’ve known about deadlines for months and you miss them. Sometimes there’s a lot going on in your life and you’re just not feeling it nd your tired and overwhelmed and it 53

welcome to seems impossible to start and focus, just start. Focus. Once you’re done, do the next one. You can not fall behind. You can not. Because it just makes you more overwhelmed. How do we collect experiences, how does the inscription or solidification or cementification of the past control the projection of our future, and how does what we chose to collect vs omit contribute to the larger picture of our lives? Going back and cherry-picking moments of our lives to show others is an illusion, and you crafting your life. That self-determination and transformation is to me what equates to us being like “what if my life was so and so” because we have control over the peo- ple we decide to create of ourselves. 54

my box of memories The human being and the human life that Is almost like a building created through the scaffolding of one’s life. Context vs self crafting. People I talk to Personality traits what you’re drawn to? Strong personalities as a result of a projection of life circumstances We are all products of our lives and circumstances. It’s more than just graphic design it’s life. The graphic design element comes in when we talk about documentation: How we use technology Software, notes, voice memos, Social media Photography Writing, notebooks, And collect, build and pave our paths throughout time. That’s where design comes in. What are these different methods of archive & curate & create narratives of our lives? Ok now how can we bring in good design and typogra- phy to help people convey their message and amplify their voice and make people feel more control. How do people feel in general about their lives? How in control do they feel in their destiny? People feel stuck in a system. Student debt, you are locked in this system that requires you to take out loans, not have access to healthcare, thrown into an economy that provides you with the bare minimum and pay rent and survive and pay back loans. It is a burden and makes people feel awful. 55

welcome to And feeling powerless. So we try to compensate with this feeling of power- lessness by creating our own paths despite being de- pendent on systems that profit off of your labor and time and resources. The extents to which modern society dominate your life cycles. How do we resist? Even though I am in this system I can still critique it and create my own life path. Projecting and reclaiming a shared lack of control. A result of an absurdist perspective that nothing really matters anyway. This is just what it has become. Result of political climate in the US My own upbringing Son of a teacher Widowed mother Losing my father Of RISD Of going in debt and closing this path. And current lifestyle of feeling stuck Of the GD curriculum allowing me to speak out on these things and formulate a perspective which is impossible to not have at this point. Reflecting on how much I’ve grown and what I’ve been thinking about all these years. A vocalization of putting my entire life in perspec- tive And I know I made a lot of work about this But life is a journey. I’m not so interested in going into these systems And more interested in making personal work as im- portant in voicing my perspective. I am versatile and I will adapt to whatever environ- 56

my box of memories ments I am placed in and I am malleable and I will communicate and while I am not a perfect fit for any one thing I am willing to grow and adapt and I am willing to listen. I always am more negative when I don’t sleep well. Where does the boundary lie between documenting for future reflection and venting / word banter / vomit / or hoarding? The Venting Mechanism Sometimes I feel like what I am doing is just vent- ing When all of these memories pile up, it is overwhelm- ing. You’re never gonna go through all of these. I’m more interested in the process of putting my thoughts into words than actually going back and re- flecting on them Do we all just need to vent? Do we all just need an outlet? You really just become accustomed to so much move- ment and dynamism, having this variety of surround- ings and environments At this point I’m literally just existing, the fact that the human condition has gifted me with thought and awareness and all this potential. I have all of the authority to direct that consciousness and awareness. Sometimes you just need to do what you have to do and leave and not always be fully present! I took the photos, and got the envelope and the stamp and I’m energized and feel alive It’s nice to have time. I’m at the right cusp of being a mature adult of be- ing trusted and capable of responsibility and trans- portation and being on time and waking up and keep- 57

welcome to ing up with things & Having the benefit of the doubt of being a college student of whatever you’re young don’t stress too much. I’m radiating right now and energetic and happy cor- related to ACTIVITY I’m getting kinda sick of watching myself lmao You can have an idea as a human being but its a to- tally different thing to show it. MOVE LESS WORK MORE SIT DOWN FOCUS AND FINISH Things don’t always need to take super long. Just do them in little pieces that get broken apart. Because you need the CONTINUITY. Once you enter the mental space you need to ride that train as far as you can. Because the next time you look at it you won’t be in it and it will be hard to get back into it. I go home after tomorrow And it’s getting me feel a bunch of things. Impending Change: 58

my box of memories Anticipatory Change activates a triggered gratitude and appreciation that makes us more aware of things we take for granted. Before I leave a place I get really emotional be- cause every time I do something, it reminds me that it’s the last time I’ll be doing it for quite some time. Especially when our lives are so cyclical and routine based. You establish your daily routines almost on impulse Without thinking For certain periods of your life But when that period comes to an end Especially if your moving to another place where you’re going to be in a completely different envi- ronment that forces or requires your body to move in a different way, When I left home at the end of the summer, I was spending a lot of time on the balcony, a lot of time with my cats, just spending a lot of time enjoying the little things. I think that pattern replicates itself over the years and over our lifetimes. I expect the last few months of our lives to be 59

welcome to extremely emotional too—because you begin to realize it is the last time you are going to do these things and there is a pressure to enjoy them. As an artist there is a creative drive To do just do something. Escapism requires future responsibility It is not only mental it is also physical When you agree staying up late with a friend You agree to put your state in a temporary state of euphoria at the cost of the opposite effect later Anticipatory reaction to change A semester is a long time, it is a powerful emotion- al experience. 13w semester in which I took 5 class- es on meal plan and drove daily in which I got high and drank w my roommate in which I typeshop moni- tored in which I joined B-side Went home Wow. I am really alone in this house. Time zones are pretty cool tbh ---- Jan 13 Hmm je croix que ça va être un peu juste aujourd’hui Jan 12 My goal is to bring to life representations of the world that I wish to see Of documentation and reflection Feel overwhelmed by note taking? By social media? Bring your own concepts to life Map of Everywhere is a good example. Make series of experimental publications with writ- ing, images, sound, music, etc. 60

my box of memories Your life: visualized. If I dont want to do _ _ _, then what DO I want to do? Seriously, Etienne, this isn’t a project you should feel stuck in. It’s something you should enjoy So just remember that. It needs to be something you’re passionate of and needs to foster itself rel- atively natural I care a lot about my education and my evolution as an artist. And since coming to Providence I’ve been through many chapters. Just want it to be an archive of everything, a com- ponent, of why I want to remember everything Highlighting just how much information we process on a daily basis, how they are connected to the chap- ters, the larger struggle of needing to maintain our full disposition and outward expression of ourselves in a world where we are all overwhelmed. My design is inevitably a product of and informed by the world that I live in , so naturally it makes sense that my design is overwhelming. I want this project to speak a lot and overwhelm the project. I’m a quiet boy but I have a lot to say. It doesn’t really matter what you do. What matters is that you spend time with it, you carefully consider it, and listen to other perspectives 61

welcome to Land is just land until it is defined and built by human experiences. Places can have very big meanings, but they can also have smaller ones defined by individual experiences. Exp 07/ Call them before the 7 You don’t have to pay as long as you don’t use the phone or cellular Manage account on my Jan 11 Saint germain des pres Boulevard st Michel Boulevard st Germain Jan 8 Chasing a dream, with a destination but I’m always one step behind... I love flight attendants so much Like LOL these women are really running this whole flight. Yes queens. Take over Dominate Imagine you are propelling yourself forward and your body releases a beam as it goes forward 62

my box of memories Jan 7 I feel like I’m doing like 10 things at a time. I hate packing I just want consistency But also that is exactly why we need to fight On se retrouve vers le piano Jan 7 So how do we live? Well first of all we need sleep But like what makes sleep enjoyable? Clean sheets. I would say. But also a quiet environment. How is a quiet environment obtained? Do you realize how many people there are on this planet and how many of them live stacked on top of each other? So the buildings we create must not only be sturdy as structures but also consider the transportation of sound in some way Or perhaps, the sound proof is but an added benefit of human housing structures already being make out of sound isolating material as well as human isola- tion Sleep occurs isolated Why do we all isolate ourselves to sleep To live To manage our own tiny lives within our tiny homes and only momentarily cross paths with others I think we got it wrong I think we should constantly be living with others 63

welcome to It just doesn’t make sense Reject individualism It really strains responsibility I think it’s why people are so selfish And forget the importance of listening We are all community members of the same species and planet after all IS ALL OF THIS A PRODUCT OF LONELINESS Jan 6 What do we do when there is nothing else to do? As much as I talk about how much control we have over our lives, How do we cope with loss of control? With no control? Jan 5th Here.What does it mean to be here? To have personal encounters with people, With your neighbors, To have a sense of belonging, Of duty, To take care of a house To take care of your cats To love And to maintain relationships And to suddenly disappear from it. 64

my box of memories To suddenly see all of the stories and feelings and emotions, held within this place, be seen from the window of a departing airplane? To know, that where ever it is you are going, wher- ever it may be, is far far away And for a long time I wonder if there is like academic writing on the psychological impacts of traveling It is interesting to think about Flying is a good example of the irony of having im- mense control ans ability to go anywhere you like Yet you’re trapped in an airplane for hours which is kind of nerve wracking And I know there is no other like way...to get places, but it is still ironic I think about the ways in which humanity is flawed How we are an extremely advanced society on the out- side but a true disaster systemically & invisibly I don’t know what I want I am tired I wonder if he still thinks about me 65

welcome to Because I do and I miss him I do want to remember everything but sometimes a song comes on that reminds me of a time that makes me really sad and I really do not want to remember I think maybe it’s just like Flying alone sucks What is time Listening to The Other now thinking about foundation year. Why does music literally take me back and allow me to experience the past almost in real time ������������������ A book front and back on acetate I feel I am nowhere right now So again this idea of destination and place And transition Are luminal spaces actual destinations? Growing up has honestly altered my relationship to traveling I kind of hate it now but it’s also empowering? Jan 5 Transitional times Going from one place to the next Leaving is not only the departure but it begins days before when we begin to mentally and physically pre- pare ourselves for the departure I’ve been getting ready for days it seems First I needed to get the house ready for the ten- ants. Then I needed to get my own stuff ready And that was several steps Laundry Packing Sorting Organizing 66

my box of memories Cleaning The symbolic gesture of the suitcase The carpentered environment Jan 1 Ifkkdkskf Everything’s okay Etienne You’re not gonna die ok U feelin guilty over texting a guy u literally trusted so much ok It’s gonna be okay Ifudjdkskf Sorry I keep texting you It’s the Nola effect I should stop I just dont believe in this In this whole feeling guilty for texting people Obviously theres a reason why ↑JAN 2021↑ 2020 67

welcome to Dec 31 SCREAM CHEESE WOULD BE SUCH A FUNNY HALLOWEEN COS- TUME Dec 30 Oschner urgent care mid city Air France Leave the house Je ne suis pas un cas contact In the case of a positive test can I reschedule the flight Dec 27 And then we danced -- Another important aspect of my work is To synthesize or summarize my growth at RISD I want to document this experience of college really well. Because this was and still remains a really big decision for me. In a lot of ways things don’t become real unless we actively document and reflect on them You can have an idea that you jot down but honestly where does that idea go? All feeds into this idea that active reflection of ones life is the key to growth. I want this DP project to be a reflection of my growth as a designer. Solidifying my thoughts and the process of solidify- ing my growth to put where I am now into 68

my box of memories perspective. Typesetting all of this!!! Dec 25 Give Zim and Cindy some prints. They gave me egg nog I MJSSED THIS HOUSE SO MUCCHHHHH I am qloneeee For reallll I missed it Feeling what it felt like I can be alone. Quel squidward moment The minute i sit down Zim and Cindy come out on their balcony lol I feel trapped here now girl Dec 22 2020 OKké é é ECOUTE Pour mon projet: Je veux: Yes I want to convey excitement but I also want to do it in a very systematic, organized, and logisti- cal way. I want it to be clear. If this is the first part of my degree project you know that I have com- plete authorship and agency over how it will be de- signed it must be in some shape or form consistent voice wise So Excitement but also put together Organized Clearly sectioned out 69

welcome to Outlined boxes Highlighted text treatments Typefaces That stuff As if I was talking to a kid… And just like a photo be- ing developed in the dark- room, growth takes time to develop. The contrast from light to dark, past and present, the dynamics of life are the same. —Circumstances are different for everyone —How to make it an interactive response —What space? —Sense of Wonder —Time & Motion —Fleeting Moment —Where do we find ourselves I can’t wait to redo my website I want to completely transform it Make the questions mural a fold out pamphlet 70

my box of memories That just seems like an appropriate format. A per- sonal guide. Ask Eunice about visiting in Europe <333 Post art on my story Black and white prints Reading on Accessibility TUES: XYZ Boston inspirations… Inspired by strips of type at train stations, which connects back to this idea of motion What if actual transportation messaging became exis- tential and interrogative? For example, instead of directions, it asks you where are you going? How was your day? When was the last time you talked to a stranger? Do that thing you keep saying you’ll do but never do Were not really strangers? Insert scene about Kevin Reduce the size Make hypnotic effect…opportunity to use art nouveau type with vibrant color changing background What if I did art nouveau type in all caps asking a question with a slight warp wave effect and a color changing background Psychedelic affect that is meant to entrance the viewers… Dec 21 Home Shower Coffee Feed rose ?? Call Clo 71

welcome to Get dressed Do groceries I’m like experiencing the house for the first time in a long one But basically I forgot how tall these ceilings were! I think they must’ve cleaned the floors or something too because they’re spotless It looks kinda minimalist which I really like Chris went into my room ������ dumb bitch Dec 20 Hello Etienne It’s now 2:06 PM and you’ve just made it through se- curity You’re sitting and are a little worn out and winded It’s kinda weird being around all these normal peo- ple They look so…bored? Oh this girl over there on tiktok lol I like her Idk I just feel like a majority of people are kinda unfulfilled And it makes me that much more aware of who I am and where I’m coming from For example—I’m sitting here with a cute scarf, jeans, water bottle, MacBook. Walking around like I own the place. I’ve traveled a lot. I know how it goes and I don’t let it stress me out anymore. Not that I don’t think these people have flown before, I just feel like most people aren’t used to traveling (which I am privileged to be able to say). 72

my box of memories Dec 20 Hey Etienne, I’m packing currently to go back home. https://www.oneletterwords.com/weblog/?tag=vin- tage+diagram Understanding what exactly I am a product of. Who I am a product of. Where I am a product of. Musings on language, deflations of metaphysics, vaultings of arcana & great visual humor * A manual for typographers published in 1917 acknowledged that there are many beautiful forms of the ampersand, yet it forbade their use in “ordinary book work.” Extraordi- nary books are another matter. Our lavishly illustrated Ampersand opus explores the history and pictography of the most common coordinating conjunction. Popular Mechanics https://www.oneletterwords.com/blankmaps/ Dec 19 Use darkroom to expose text. I have old photo paper What if I printed very tiny on acetate and exposed that? Remember it has to be a negative. 73

welcome to Dec 18 I’m gonna be fine at whatever job I go to I have the support of my school It’s more, I think, than just a name. It’s a system, a methodology, a mindset, a workflow, a level of engage- ment with material and intent on creating good work and providing good feedback. I’m gonna be okay I just think that we are skeptical about the future because it is the unknown. Dec 17 Christmas gifts —Claudine Green risd mug Noel Claudine Saturday night live with Jim Carey Folders RISD sign brown and turquoise --- Seriously. This tension between wanting to 74

my box of memories remember everything and wanting to forget everything. Well, maybe not wanting to remember, but at least wanting to be aware of the value of things. And well maybe not wanting to forget, but having the opportunity and space and time to close a chapter for good—in order to move on with your life—and start the next. 75

welcome to Perhaps that is what I need from this school. An intense analysis and deconstruction, in search of closure. Closure. a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved. a sense of resolution or conclusion at the end of an artistic work. (Or time period? The emotional experience being go- ing to RISD) Remember: have in or be able to bring to one’s mind an awareness of (someone or something that one has seen, known, or experienced in the past). ---- I wanted to take a moment and write. It’s been a long semester. Having it be mostly re- mote, and spending days and days in this room Has taught me a lot about myself I’ve thought about things a lot and have realized many things. I just think back to all those nights I spent with the lights on, almost falling asleep and knowing very well I had studio work to do. I feel really close now, coming out on the other side, to the risd community. To the graphic design department. To my professors and my classmates. I got new glasses, took a bunch of photos (probably— have yet to go through them), and was able to delve deep into my interests, and create projects I can genuinely say I’m proud of. I can’t wait to document all the work I’ve done this semester and package it into a nice website rebrand. 76

my box of memories I watched films for class that were such emotional experiences looking back on them Starting with The Social Network, the Blind Ring, Watching omg I cant remember the name of it. That movie where they…I don’t even remember the plot lol. Something about security systems and the internet and there was a series of them I remember walking down Thayer and telling Destiny I was going to watch it And I remember while I was watching it, in bed one night, I check twitter and see Trump tested positive for Covid. And the election… the election. I wish I could scan my wardrobe zine, because I’m realizing it’s kind of an important piece I’ve done in terms of documenting my life. There are very strong overlaps in photography, jour- nalism, archiving, memory, significance, and symbol- ism, and culture and contemplation and reflection in my work. I feel a breath of fresh air I also got a candle at Marshalls and washed my sheets and just finished Queens Gambit and got new coffee and a new coffee maker awhile back I feel closer with my friends here too, Corinne, Joslynne, Destiny, Jeehee, … And I feel as though my relationship to Providence grows stronger each semester Also it snowed a lot last night The air is quiet The restaurant was closed I slept tranquilly And now just feel … calm. I really needed this. 77

welcome to No pressure of thinking about what I need to do for tomorrow or the next day To just exist a little. And knowing that I’m going home soon is so surreal at this moment Because I feel really at peace here, in this moment. In a way I kind of see similarities between Beth & I I exist at such a level of intensity and dedication and motivation that comes out in very specific ways I too dealt with grief and hardships and all that when my dad died Explored consciousness Dealt with conflict And all these things make you stronger They make you more forceful And you have to remember your roots. Because where I am now relative to like 5 years ago is really amaz- ing I am excited to spend the next few weeks transition- ing out of the fast paced intensity of the Fall se- mester into a more mindful, spending time with the things that you love kind of moment traveling by my- self once more and going to New Orleans and France. Today, December 17th, I feel as though I’ve reached the end of a movie Dec 16 Welcome to my box of memories. And its an archival duplication of things that I own Dark Scary spread that says “Everything you own lives under your copyright”. 78

my box of memories Dec 15 Potential of doing a case study: how does setting affect behavior? Design Center As a space Context: RISD hardworking young designers Thinking of classmates walking around with head- phones Staying in there for hours doing insane projects The seniors in the corner The Guild design factory with white lights and bright hopeful inquisitive yet overwhelmed minds Finding the balance between being a really talent- ed and successful designer and just wanting to be a normal person I’m thinking a lot right now about studio dynamics I miss seeing everyone Professors My peers I miss being legit and intense and unapologetic, all of it The gd community is so strong. Dec 13 It’s insane how 404 by l’imperatrice is already giv- ing nostalgia It’s really reminding me of my day in boston liter- ally 3 days ago!! It’s reminding me of that train ride, the conversa- tion with the lady, walking all over the place, be- 79

welcome to ing so briefly in a new place, walking back home, and having the whole day to myself. It’s really incredible, our memories, Even a memory from 3 days ago turned into something so permanent and specific. It makes me think about how intense and powerful the next few weeks will be for me, with my level of sensitivity—of going home, experiencing the intimacy of my cats—sleeping in the apartment Dec 12 Is there something special for you today? Dec10 I want to forget everything Dec 9 I could tell you what this project is about but is anyone even paying attention Don’t tell me I’m a senior in graphic design unable to print something on the black and white printer I swear to god -- My adrenaline is really high right now I’m not even nervous but I just feel like my body is There’s just a lot going on The noise from downstairs going on at Amy’s The printmaking crit of just not knowing what to say Not knowing any of these students because our pro- fessor hasn’t had us work together And also just rambling on and on and having no 80

my box of memories structure when I am used to super structure in gd And worrying about all the other thingsI have to do like get my passport done and print everything out and get all the paperwork and wake up at 8am tomor- row And also just looking at myself in the zoom video and not liking my haircut and feeling self conscious So I feel Self conscious Unfamiliar with the whole class Unconfident in the work I’m about to present Dec 8 This restaurant is so distracting and I already have a hard time focusing. I feel like I’m just sitting here waiting for the next bang Nothing is in the order that it needs to be. While weekends are nice opportunity to chill out I also just completely derail ---- This goes out to no one in particular but I love you Actually it does It goes out to all the people in my life Today was a weird day but you know what it was bet- ter than that other day I had stuck inside all day in the snow and then having the universe throw all 81

welcome to of these sharp knives at me Writing and illustration and photography Great areas to explore Excited for DP Worldview —MM Paris —Laboratories CCCP —Dr. Peche —Melle Rose —Peter Bankoff Dec 6 (long story) Look at this point this is how I feel But first I need to talk about today I felt a strong desire to leave I shower, get dressed, and embark on an adventure I back my car up so I can scrape off the snow with- out stepping in a freezing puddle I roll the windows down to get rid of leftover snow I start the car and honestly almost hit someone be- cause my windows were so foggy I finally get to the met and realize I don’t have a bag and start thinking about how I’m gonna bring ev- erything in And then I realize I don’t even have my card with me So I start driving back and think to myself, some- things not right I don’t know what it is but just driving in this car with foggy windows and scraping the snow off and feeling this desire to leave were all very strange circumstances So I’m really tired I’m driving down benefit 82

my box of memories And I see this light blinking on and off aside a building I’ve never seen a light do that before on benefit So I’m like ok tonight is very strange I am going to be very careful because I have this weird feeling something is going to go wrong So I get my bag and my ID and I go back and I am very careful. And like a block into my way back to the MET turning onto benefit I see a branch that I quickly realize is very large. And I drive over it.And I’m like here we go. I realize how powerful a car can be. Because it can’t just stop immediately. And I’m like ok let me keep going but no. The branch was stuck underneath my car. And I keep driving and the branch is still stuck so I get out of my car and I look under. It is cold and snowing and wet And the branch is too far for me to reach. There was nothing I could do. And then I released this is what the signs were telling me. Something was telling me that something was going to happen and I heard it very loudly and clearly and despite being extremely careful it was not enough. It happened. And I think that is inevitable. It makes me think about the Matrix almost About how the psychic lady told Neo he wasn’t the 83

welcome to one which made him skeptical and ended up in a turn of events that led to him actually being the one Which proves that like Regardless of what the signs tell you what is meant to be is going to happen Anyway so I drive around with this branch under my car and I’m freaking out all the way to the met parking lot and then at that point the branch has moved to the side and I was able to pull it out but it’s just like NEVER has that happened to me And of course All of this BS oh wait it’s not OVER So I go to the met I grab my food whatever I go to the typeshop I get to the typsehop and I put my bag down and it wets the whole table why Because the soup spilled over LMAO It’s like I’ve gotten food at the met, I don’t know how many times I’ve thrown all this food into paper bags plastic bags my backpack countless times, and nothing has ever spilled But of course, it had to be the day that I forgot my ID, and my bag, and the same day it snowed, and I had to clear my windshield, and the day I slept very little, and the day I drive into a branch, that gets stuck to the bottom of my car, that my soup has to spill in my bag. You’ve gotta be kidding me. So I need to think a little bit about what life choices I’ve made that is resulting in all of this Karma 84

my box of memories That something in the universe was telling me not to The universe was saying like, Look kid we’ve given you all the signs and we’ve made you move to a literal other city so we’re gonna make you spill soup and snow on your car and throw a branch under your car Or maybe its something else Maybe its related to my DP and wanting to “remember everything” Maybe it’s purely a subconscious difference in be- havior when you are tired which directly impacts what kind of dangerous scenarios you put yourself in That these dangerous scenarios are constantly pres- ent but being tired makes you more likely to encoun- ter them I dont know I don’t know what it is I don’t know if it is a sign for me to chill out and take a break and to take better care of my body Maybe its pure coincidence Or maybe it’s all of the above But what I was going to say And it kind of ties into this idea of not knowing whether to take signs from the universe as catalysts for personal trajectories or to completely discount everything And also this idea of the obsession of hoarding mem- ories and experiences rather than actual objects I find what I am doing now to be a form of obsession, it might be more rational but it is obsessive This is all I do 85

welcome to All I do is write and type and take pictures and record and make voice memos and my digital life is simply so saturated with information day after day it accumulates and I don’t even care about the idea of having these things from the past I just like the feeling of being present in the moment & documenting a present moment, “just in case”. 86

my box of memories You know if we wanna talk about my DP then Maybe my form of research for my DP then should be to abstain from documenting and see what happens But honestly I feel like it would need to happen over the course of like a year Like maybe before I graduate I create a giant ar- chive of my life and then after that I can give my- self a fresh start and like… start over almost? Like delete everything And literally start over Get rid of my past baggage (digitally at least) I dont know I’m just brainstorming But what I was going say is That I feel like nothing really matters And I hate hearing that because I know that things matter. I know that things matter But it just feels like theres too much There are too many people Too many songs Too many photos Too many notes Too many clothes and possessions I wonder if my future is minimalism It just honestly makes me stop appreciating things and I mean, 87

welcome to I think appreciation is something that needs to be integrated into your daily life. And you need to find appreciation and gratitude everywhere you go But I don’t know I think that in some ways I have become desensitized to life And I am afraid that it will just get worse as I get older but maybe also this is just my really exhaust- ed brain talking during finals now and this is just a form of circumstantial desperation But yeah 772 notes What does this even bring me anymore 88

my box of memories What is listening to music going to bring me anymore either when I’ve heard these songs and I start to think to myself Why am I even listening to this song What about the music I was listening to last week where did that go? Why don’t I listen to that I kind of liked that more And its this constant comparison between two things and even for classes when I propose topics I don’t know this is getting difficult to articulate I don’t know where I want this to go But essentially it is about the desensitization to life Usually sleep helps But also thats to imply that this thing that I’m feeling is wrong Maybe this is a normal feeling I just hate that I don’t feel like I can talk about these things with anyone thats why I have to resort to talking to myself And it’s like—Maybe thats what this is all about My realizing the only one that will always be there is myself and I have a very special relationship to myself and I know it sounds vain or but in gener- al people aren’t introspective enough or don’t feel comfortable enough sharing that vulnerability that is simply a part of life and its like I’m not only introspective I also listen to others and I really really do listen to others. Maybe this is about me taking initiative and not waiting for anyone to put these thoughts into words for me or for not waiting for anyone to listen to 89

welcome to me in particular but just saying what is on my mind I think that is kind of empowering and not being afraid This is what I get for choosing the artistic life- style. I never shut up lol Goodnight --- Dec 4 Reflections: Here we go— It’s the last week of the semester. As Maj said, I don’t know why they made us come back for this one meeting after the break. I don’t either girl. But the end kind of snuck up on us, didn’t it? It is beginning to kick in that the semester is over That feeling is coming back That feeling of just— Beginning to put things into perspective I mean I’ve bene in that mindset for awhile, but I could still simultaneously be active and alive in the physical entity and within the structure of the semester But now, the semester is ending. I am so intrigued by my life as a lifestyle 90

my box of memories This inquisitive routine of waking up, being over- whelmed, asking questions, coming up with solutions But the end of the semester just reminds me of the impermanence of it all That this lifestyle that we become so used to is not real And that I am living in an alternate reality of sorts This thing that we call “college” is in a little different for a risd graphic design student. Because you’re encouraged to question everything un- like other schools that don’t really encourage that as much I think the best and most progressive schools even liberal arts ones, are ones that just ask a lot of questions and provide you with the theory and frame- works to ask these questions not in a vacuum And that I’m kind of in love with but also intimi- dated by at the same time And seeing myself emerge as this designer beginning to think about my degree project and thinking about how I’m going to basically make a RISD book of all of the notes I’ve taken I think would be really cool because, why not? Its sad to be in the phase where you count down the days left in the semester :( It’s so funny because usually I’m Thinking about how many days I have left before I get to go home But this go around I’m sad this semester is ending I think it was one of my favorites in my time at risd I really loved XYZ, Poster, 91

welcome to Cinema and New Media was by far my favorite liberal, Fashion and Interiors was cute too. Printmaking was a mess, but it was a fun out of ma- jor experience. DEC 3 DP Proposal was due tonight It is extremely remarkable as a moment in time Seeing not only my interests begin to solidify but my peers as well I have been thinking about this project for a very very long time And it honestly has been a source of motivation for much of my contemplation. Thinking about how one day, perhaps this idea that randomly popped into my head will contribute to the final form of this proj- ect And it will RISD is extremely powerful as a school and the graphic design department particularly so. Because while sometimes it may seem frustrating to always have to come up with a concept 92

my box of memories for your work, it actually ends up being beneficial in that not only are you practicing the skills of design, but you are hosting that exploration through a simultaneous exploration of self and also through a record of personal growth. The ideas I’m talking about in this proposal, like an increased self-awareness and reflection of memo- ry is interesting. Because not only am I advocating for people to look back on their lives but also to be more aware in the present moment. I, myself, am feeling extremely present right now as I type out this sentence. I can feel my thoughts coming to me as I write and I am welcoming each word with open arms. I am informed by my past writing as well. And as an inscription of this moment in time I will one day look back on in a similar time defying manner as this moment could not have existed before. Even though I often sit on my bed and type. This moment is different. Because right now I’m talking about things that are happening right now thoughts I’m 93

welcome to experiencing right now. And this sort of stream of consciousness writing is exactly what I want to see more of. I love how poetic and powerful language can be but I equally like to simply experience someones train of thought. I don’t care about how smart you are. I mean ideally your intelligence should simply improve your ability to convey your message but the question then becomes what is the message you wish to convey? I’ve always been overwhelmed by books, because the way they are presented is as a giant linear thought / narrative. It is the same reason I am overwhelmed by really great projects, posters, designs, paint- ings, artworks, infrastructure and seeing their final products in one go...because that final product is an illusion. When you look at something, you are not only looking at the final product but also all of the work effort and thought that has gone into it. But you don’t see that as easily as you just see “final product” and assume it was simply brought into exis- tence without doubt or anything. I don’t think humans work like that. I definitely don’t think like that. Life is more like little snippets and little moments that are all compiled together. A conversation with x, a dinner with y, a text conversation 94

my box of memories with z, a moment to yourself, eating, drinking, having fun, procrastinating a bit, working, brushing teeth, going to bed, doing it all over again, and over, and over, and over. Even our larger projects must be disrupted from their flow at some point either by sleep or life or death or anything really. And while you may work on a book, a singular body of text for years and years what you are looking at are many many many different moments that have been pasted together to be expe- rienced from start to finish much like a film being cut down and edited so you end up experiencing a day within 45 minutes. What is the plot of a lifetime? --- I miss you I love you I miss saying that How I learned to be trustworthy When friends got mad at me I also learned to own what I had to say 95

welcome to DEC 1 There is just a lot going on today —Cleaned out apartment for fumigation, until 12 last night —Finished this morning —Fumigation guys came at the same time as my zoom meeting (of course) so was drinking my coffee in my car while eating a bagel and calling into my zoom meeting —Gotta pay rent —Have a meeting with James —Got an email from printmaking rep about Henry’s class and the complaints she’s been receiving BITCH EXCUSE ME Oie bon Alors le document que tu as cree est pour toi Pour le reste de ta classe tu devrais faire quelque chose de plus simple Ne pas simplement lister les chose ce dont tu est intéressé Oh also just work with the page 96

my box of memories You don’t have to write an essay Maybe boil it down to like one or two questions and save this writing for later. Mais essaye de leur parler en utilisant tes mots Say ok here are all of these things this is what I wanna do wit them Maybe return to the Antique style on the front cover But I’m thinking maybe make it a slightly lighter color than the background and maybe outline it with a pretty golden stroke I feel like that would be in- teresting Like very soft and delicate Just make someone happy lol Anyway Also Post darkroom poster with the caption something like The Darkroom Poster: a collection of prints and idk Just like a photo being developed, sometimes growth occurs in the dark. It. Invisible until it can be put into perspective. ↑DECEMBER 2020↑ NOV 30 Dp notes THE EXPERIENTIAL I just want to reflect what we see in the world. What we feel. What we experience, and how these things converge with one another. 97

welcome to THE CURATORIAL How do we curate the stories of our lives through documentation? What do we include and what do we omit? Are we outgrowing the platforms we use, iOS, social media, etc? Documenting my notes through college and making a growth map of everything I’ve learned Thinking about how we document our lives How do we curate the stories of our lives? We become less concerned with documenting every mo- ment as we mature and realize that that’s like im- possible So how do our platforms accommodate for maturity? How do we categorize the things in our lives The people The objects in our house Our clothes The houses within our neighborhoods How do we make sense of things Because the ways in which we do these The answers to these questions Is what is going to shape our perspective of the en- tire universe THE EXPERIENTIAL I just want to create what I want to see in the world What we see What we feel What we experience Their convergences How to measure the intangible and the subjective 98

my box of memories THE TECHNOLOGICAL / DIGITAL Growing up in the digital age How this has influenced our memory, association with place, time, change, growth, media, self represen- tation, construction of identity, the multiple con- tainers of life, relationships SENSORY OVERLOAD How are we not all just incredibly overwhelmed by the universes we’ve been thrown into? Creatine an archive of photos, music, objects THE THERAPEUTIC [RETURN TO OUR HUMANITY] If only there was a guide book to life, especially when I was struggling the most with things like anx- iety, grief, and self-consciousness This stuff should be basic. Emotions, memories, associations are information too yet they aren’t treated as such by modern society But we all just have to figure it out So how do we create systems that are not only re- flective of our lives but challenge societal conven- tions? What are societal conventions? Passing on wisdom How do we push for honesty, transparency, integrity, and authenticity? (I feel like these words could also be created in that style) 99

welcome to THE SENSORIAL Photography How do we see the world MY WORK Worldview (putting design theory into a poster about how we see the world) The Darkroom Poster (site-specific installation, com- bination of writing & photography) Reading on Accessibility (how to make information easier to digest. How to write honestly, develop your voice, challenge conventions, legitimize ram- bling, the process of developing an idea, acknowl- edging the process and not detaching ourselves from points of departure Our Timed Lives (XYZ Life platform) (how do we mea- sure the intangible, the taken for granted) Recent Notes.indd (how we keep track of and organize our thoughts across different platforms) Bedroom Poster/ Wardrobe Collection (how we map things, listing everything that we own) Building Blocks (autobiographical publication and typographic representations of my life through grids, timelines, voices, and imagery) (making this was a good time, felt like I grew a lot) TPL (solely for fun bright work that I enjoy the simplicity and well-hearted nature of, also creating a system) Map of Everywhere (combination of stream of con- sciousness writing and photography to represent place significance and their overlapping qualities through a big publication 100