Out of The Mommy Box

101 of 295 20. The Call The phone rang right after the officers left me with the mess they made. \"Saige!\" he said, yelling as if we were a thousand miles apart. We might as well be. \"Rowan!\" I yelled. \"What is going on?\" I asked. \"Why are you arrested?\" There was no use wasting precious time asking if he was innocent. I knew he was. I knew Rowan and that's not the man that he was. \"I'm still trying to understand,\" he said, speaking quickly. \"They're charging me with a felony! Can you believe this? A felony for embezzlement. \"I could face up to 30 years in prison! 30 years!” \"Why didn't you call me earlier?\"  I asked, worrying even more. My phone was with me the entire time I was in the doctor's office and I had it as the house was searched. \"I couldn't—they wouldn't give my call until now. Are you okay? Is El okay?\" he asked, still concerned about our welfare although he was in danger. It wouldn't be wrong to say that our wellbeing was closely related. El slept on the couch with a blanket covering his body. I removed his shoes and placed his head on one of the throw pillows. \"Don't worry about us,\" I said looking over at him. He was curled into the fetal position. \"What are we going to do?\" I asked him. Now was the time for one of his bright ideas.

102 of 295 \"There are a lot of guys in here, my first appearance isn't until tomorrow, Wednesday morning.” \"I'll be there-“ \"No,\" he said forcibly. \"Don't come, El doesn't need to be around all of this. He's been through enough these last couple of hours let alone these past few days.\" he sighed. \"He saw it all Saige, El heard them read me my rights as the officer handcuffed me and put me in the back of a police car. Everyone did.” I covered my mouth with my hand. Seeing that would've traumatized me, I could only imagine what it was doing to him. I could imagine what Rowan felt. His reputation was being tainted as he was being wrongly accused. Nothing could ever erase the feeling of having handcuffs on your wrists. Today would always be a memorable day for all of us. \"I don't understand all that's going on and I'm still trying to wrap my head around this,\" I could hear voices yelling behind him or maybe at him. His time was almost up. \"But things don't look good, the words felony and arrest and guilty are constantly being thrown around,\" he explained. \"They've taken my fingerprint, a mugshot, and all of my stuff. I just spent two hours being questioned. The whole bad cop good cop scenario is real.” \"Where is all this coming from? Why are they doing this?\" \"Chris and Jamal are accusing me of stealing Fitness Firsts' money. About 150,000 is missing or in their words stolen,\"

103 of 295 \"Oh my goodness,\" I said, sliding my palm across my face. This just keeps getting better. \"It's gone from the account I oversee, the one I make weekly deposits into,\" he said speaking in a lower voice. \"The money me and all the other trainers and staff get paid with is in there, some of the investors’ money is in there too,\" His anxiety was starting to seep into his voice. \"and they're saying I've taken it over the course of three almost four years.” \"I-I can't believe this.\" I said, unable to process or think about what to do. How do I respond? How am I supposed to act? \"We need a good lawyer Saige,\" said Rowan, lowering his voice and adopting a grave tone. I already knew that. He didn't need to say it. Chris and Jamal were wealthy, they didn't just own Fitness First but they owned multiple businesses around the city. They had the wealth, the charisma, and the connections. Taking us to court would be a walk in the park for them.The odds were clearly stacked against us and Rowan wasn't able to see his way out of this one. I would hate to think what would happen if we couldn't find ourselves a good lawyer. ___________________________ Did you know? Rowan rarely gets in trouble. When was a kid, he was too scared of his mom to make stupid mistakes. When he was a teenager, he wanted to be a role model for his sister and other kids in the community. When he was an adult, he was already accustomed to avoiding trouble.

104 of 295 21. His First Appearance Even though your husband is in jail for something he didn't do, life still goes on. El slept with me last night, sleeping in the spot where Rowan would normally be. It took me a while to fall asleep. Like when he was younger, he laid on my bed asking me question after question and wanting an immediate answer. When he finally fell asleep, I moved his head to Rowan's pillow. It was then his absence hit me hard. Unless I was at a training or conference for work, my day started with my boys and ended with them. My day with my kids started with a how do I feel activity. Using a camera, I took pictures of my students imitating different facial expressions like happy, sad, angry, and excited. Then they had to share what makes them feel these different emotions and how they could positively help themselves or a friend who is angry or sad. Many of them struggled to understand their emotions and the emotions of others. They enjoyed looking at their photos up on the wall. News of Rowan's arrest wasn't a secret, I heard about it on the radio before I turned it off. I knew my coworkers knew. Some eyed me with pity and others with contempt. By now, I was used to receiving questioning looks and answering blunt questions. During my break, I walked outside to my car to call Naomi. The parking lot was empty and offered some privacy. The call went to voicemail the first

105 of 295 time, I called back two more times. She finally picked up then, \"What's wrong with my son?\" she asked. There were no hellos or goodbyes. \"He's—he's been a-arrested.\" I said. Saying it was just as hard as believing it. \"What!\" she screamed. \"Arrested for what!” \"Arrested?\" I heard Charlee, Rowan's younger sister asked. \"For what?” \"I knew it was something bad, didn't I tell you Charlee? She never calls me,\" said Naomi to her daughter. \"And the day she does it's to bear bad news, what is going on Saige? I want to know everything, and I want to know now.\" Why does she think I called her? So that's what I did, I told her all I knew up to this point. I explained to her that Rowan was arrested yesterday and was facing embezzlement charges. I left out how many years in prison he potentially faced. He was having his first appearance before a judge today. \"This is your fault,\" she said, quick to blame. \"You seem to bring trouble wherever you go.” I couldn't disagree, she wasn't wrong. My phone was on speakerphone as Naomi berated me on the phone. While she was talking, I was thinking about my husband potentially rotting away in jail. When they say to treat every day like it's your last, they forget to mention that death isn't the only thing that can take away a loved one.

106 of 295 Before stepping back into the classroom before the kids arrived from lunch, I took a deep breath and smiled. If I smiled long enough, it just might trick my brain into thinking I was happy. In the afternoon, I shoved away my concerns and worries and focused on doing my job. Together, we focused on understanding and identifying numbers. I incorporated exercise into the lesson to get them moving since the rain was keeping us from going outside. As I called out a number, they each got to take turns calling out an action for us to perform that many times. They really liked jumping jacks and squats—my poor legs didn’t. To end the school day, I softly played soothing music as they found a cozy place to read. At my desk, I updated their individual records for today, periodically looking at the picture of Rowan and me at my desk. Next to it were multiple photos of El. ~.~.~.~.~ \"Bad news?\" I asked. Sighing, he said, \"How do you do it Saige? he asked. \"It's like you saw this surprise coming.” \"I hope for the best but expect the worst,\" I said softly. I would've never guessed that this would the worst. \"I saw the judge; she had a lot to say.\" \"Like?\"

107 of 295 \"Like she read the charges against me and my rights moving forward. She determined that there was probable cause for my arrest,\" he scoffed. \"They had enough evidence to convince her to bring this case to a trial. You should've heard the things the prosecutor was saying Saige, none of it was true!” \"I know baby,\" I said, \"What else did she say?\" \"I said I didn't want a public defender since we're getting our own. And she asked for my plea, I said not guilty because I'm not,\" he released an annoyed sigh. \"She also set the bail.\" \"How much is the bail?\" I asked, hoping it would be the highlight of this situation. I remembered that it couldn't be an outrageous amount. That was against the law. It had to be reasonable to keep him from running but it had to be realistic too. \"$20,000.\" \"Fine,\" That was a bit on the extreme side but if it got my husband out than fine. \"We'll pay it.” \"You don't need to do that Saige, I've asked for a special bail hearing to ask for an O.R release, one of the officers told me about me,\" he said. \"It's a release on your own recognizance, I'll get to be released without bail. I'll sign a written promise saying I'll appear to court as required and I don't have to pay bail.” \"Just like that?\" I asked. \"That sounds too easy Rowan.\" I've never heard that term before and I grew up in a law- based household. My parents lived and breathe law.

108 of 295 \"There are conditions.\" \"Which are?\" I asked. \"Whatever the judge wants them to be,\" he said. That did not sound good. What if they were sexist or racist and denied his request on the basis of something superficial? \"I'll know by tomorrow if it's accepted or denied. If it's accepted, I'll see a judge on Monday. I think I have a good chance. The decision is based on my criminal records, which I have none of, my involvement within the community and my family which are all great.” Was I supposed to be okay with him sitting in jail until then? \"But we have the money,\" I said, reminding him. \"It's why we've been saving. We've been saving for a rainy day, for one of life's surprises.\" This was it right here! \"This is more than just a rainy-day Saige, this is like a category five hurricane,\" he said. \"Remember why we started saving that money in the first place,\" he said softly. We had several saving accounts: a general savings for general emergencies like car or medical troubles, a baby savings, and a college fund for El. With each paycheck, a hundred dollars was divided into each paycheck. \"We've been saving that money to start a family. That money is to build and furnish a nice nursery for our baby and help provide us with what we need during your pregnancy and afterward. Babies are expensive.” Yeah, he was telling me “I don't want to touch that.”

109 of 295 \"But you were willing to do it when it was for El-\" \"That's different, El is our baby so it didn't matter,\" he said. \"I don't want us touching it,\" he repeated. \"And what happens if you don't get your request granted?\" I asked, bringing back reality into this. \"Then I'm stuck in jail until the trial.\" And who knows when that would be. I sighed and dropped my head. \"Seriously Rowan, do you really want to risk this? \"What's life without a couple of risks?\" he asked softly. But he wasn’t fooling anyone, especially not me. He was just as worried as I was. Considering that this was Rowan, my carefree and spirited husband, that said a lot about the situation we were in. ___________________________ Did you know? Saige doesn't like taking a risk or a chance. If there is no guarantee for success, she doesn't want to hear about it or do it. The only exception to that rule is when she agreed to be Rowan's girlfriend.

110 of 295 22. Granted Thursday night, Rowan called to let me know his request for a special bail hearing to ask for an O.R release was granted. It was the best news I've heard all week, but it was half of the battle. Having a special bail hearing didn't guarantee he would be given an O.R release and that's what scared me. El was cuddled up against my side at bedtime, he was sleeping with me again. I enjoyed his company as much as he enjoyed mine. I closed the book he usually read with Rowan. They were almost to the end already. \"I miss him,” he said softly. \"I know…” I did too. He was the first person I thought about when I woke up and the last person on my mind before I went to sleep. “We're going to do whatever it takes to get him back.\" I said, offering some light to this dark hole we were in. \"Ok... but what if we don't?\" he asked, looking up at me. \"Does that mean Michael will take his place?\" His eyes were full of concern and worry. His eyebrows were so thin that they looked like they were drawn with a mechanical pencil. \"No one could ever take Ro's place El,\" \"Do I have to see him?\" he asked hesitantly. That was a tricky question. \"He wants to see you,\" I said.

111 of 295 \"Why now?\" he asked. \"I'm all grown up now.\" I chuckled softly, \"Yeah you are, my little boy is a little man now.” \"Not little, just a man,\" he corrected, wrapping an arm around my stomach. \"He's been in jail since you were born El, he couldn't see you then.\" What if he hasn't been in jail? Would he have been interested in seeing El or being part of his life? \"Don't bad people go to jail?\" he asked, looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes of his. \"Relatively speaking, yes.\" I said wearily. \"Michael went to jail, right?” “Right.\" \"Then Michael is a bad person. Why do I have to meet with a bad person?\" he asked. \"I still don't get it.\" Neither did I. \"It's not really up to me. If it were, he wouldn't be seeing you.” \"Do you hate him?\" he asked. \"I strongly dislike him.\" I answered. \"I'm scared,\" he said softly. \"What if he tries to hurt me?\"

112 of 295 \"You won't be alone; someone will be in there with you.\" \"Will you be there?\" he asked. Whoa, my son was asking all the tough questions right now. If things didn't work out as a paramedic, he might want to consider journalism. \"If you want me there, I'll be there too sitting right next to you and holding your hand.\" \"Thank you,\" he said. \"I love you mom. You're the best.\" \"And I love you too El.\" More than you'll ever know. His breathing slowed down until his body went completely limp, I was left to support most of his body weight. As he slept, I rubbed my hand up and down his back soothingly, remembering how it calmed him as a little boy. I couldn't protect him from everything but that wouldn't stop me from trying. ___________________________ Did you know? Michael Sykes parents and Saige's parents hoped they, their children, would follow in their footsteps. Nothing went according to their plan. Michael wanted to become a movie producer. He knows the line to almost every influential film. Saige wanted to be a teacher, she loves learning and teaching kids new things. In terms of marriage, Saige and Michael wanted nothing to do with each other. Pushing them together repelled them even more, especially for Saige. Now the Sykes' son has spent seven years in jail and the Carter's daughter is estranged.

113 of 295 23. A Good Lawyer Rowan entrusted me with the responsibility of finding him a good lawyer. What we needed was the best. Immediately, two people came to mind. They've only lost one case in their entire career. That's how you know this dominating duo was the best of the best. But would they want to represent us? \"Where are we going?\" asked El, wanting to stay home until Rowan came back, which I hope he did. \"On a trip,\" I said, looking through my drawers for an extra pair of shorts. \"Where again?\" he asked. “Tallahassee.\" \"To see who?” \"Your grandparents.” \"I have a grandma and a grandma?\" he asked shocked, especially since I rarely brought them up. \"Everyone does El.\" I answered. \"I thought they were dead. How come I never see them?\" he asked. \"They never come to see me or bring me presents.\" All these questions were making me want to scream. It wasn't his fault; the severity of this situation and the

114 of 295 potential outcomes were stressing me out and cutting my patience short. \"How about we play the quiet game for a little bit, huh?” \"Fine,\" he said, helping me pack our suitcase. We only needed one. We were only going up there for the weekend. Rowan was completely against this idea. He made his position clear. Then I had to remind him how much El and I needed him out of jail and not in it. There was some crying involved on my part. He still didn't like it, but he was on board. We needed to be together now more than ever. The quiet game lasted ten minutes into the car ride. \"El,\" I said. \"Enough with the questions, please.\" I said, sighing as I hit the brakes again. The line of cars stretched on for miles. \"But you said I had to ask questions to find the answers. Did you lie about that too?\" he asked. \"El,\" I said in a warning tone. \"Sorry,\" he muttered, realizing he was overstepping his boundaries. \"You do have to ask questions to find answers, you're right I said that. It's true.\" I said. \"But right now, mommy doesn't feel like answering questions. I need to focus on driving us safe and sound to Tallahassee.\" To fill the void, I turned on the radio and played music from his favorite station. At first, he quietly listened but then

115 of 295 he started humming. Soon he was singing to every song until we got there. ~.~.~.~.~ Two days. That's how long I was staying. The receptionist handed me the card key to our room. We were in a room with a single bed on the second floor. He pressed the second floor on the elevator. \"Can I swipe it?\" he asked, standing in front of the door. \"Go ahead.” \"Yes!\" he said, excitedly swiping the key card. He held the door opened for me to walk in, a gentleman in training. I laid our suitcase down in front of the bed. He removed his backpack from his back and placed it on the desk. Inside, he had a coloring book, a blank notebook for drawing, a book, writing utensils, and a couple of snacks. Wanting us to freshen up before bed, El and I both showered and brushed our teeth side by side. It's been a while since we've done this. After, he smiled to show me his pearly whites. I smiled back showing him mine. Being a parent also means being a low-key creep. I watched El as he slept, comforted by the sounds of his breathing and the peacefulness of his face. It was three am in the morning and I still haven't slept. We watched a movie on Netflix, the one about cars, until it was bedtime. That was hours ago. My brain was going on overdrive, imagining and considering various scenarios. I haven't seen my parents in

116 of 295 almost nine years. The thought of them scared me, part of me wanted to go back home. But then I thought of Rowan. He was always there to help me, willing to do whatever it takes. Now it was my turn to help him. Roxane Carter was one of the best prosecutors and Daniel Carter was one of the best defenders. They are amazing at what they did. It's why they're named two of the best lawyers in the state of Florida. Again and again, she ensured criminals were locked up and off the streets and he prevented the innocent from being locked behind bars. Their goal was to make sure Justice was always served. It's why they were my heroes once upon a time. As El snored softly, curled up against my side I wondered if they would be willing to represent the only person they've ever lost to. Me. ___________________________ Did you know? Saige's parents miss their little girl. They both have many regrets in life.

117 of 295 24. Bad Blood My parents' circle of friends consisted of elite members of society. People who boasted about their contributions to the betterment of the world yet ironically paid their way out of dues and Justice. In their circle, appearances was everything. Since I was in their court yet again, I was going to have to abide by their rules. My hair was pulled back into a bun. I was here on business, yet I didn't want to turn it up too high. My outfit consisted of a black blouse, burgundy slacks, and light tan pumps. El was dressed to impress with his white button- down shirt, navy blue shorts, and brown loafers. First impressions were everything. El stood on his tippy toes to ring the doorbell. We heard it echo throughout the house. From the outside, it seemed bigger. If you were looking at us from an airplane, we would like dolls in front of a huge dollhouse. My parents bought this house shortly after having me. My mom fell in love with the open spaces and the way the light bounced around. The large looming door opened. My mother opened the door, she stood there taking me in. Plain red, yet statement- making, reading glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. In the afternoon, she liked to flip through the latest fashion magazines, looking to update her wardrobe. More than half of their walk-in closet contained her clothes. Thirty percent

118 of 295 of her closet were clothes she never wore and never would in her lifetime. \"Daniel,\" she called without turning her head backward. \"life has left a surprise at our door. “His footsteps could be heard from the inside, getting closer and closer until he was in our presence. He only wore two types of shoes: dress shoes or loafers. Both of my parents were tall, slender, and fit since image was everything. Every Tuesday and Friday, they spent an hour with their trainers. Their dark black hair was tinged with grey. There was no escaping or fighting aging. They seemed small against the tall and wide doorframe. \"Hi grandma, hi grandpa,\" El said, hesitantly raising a hand in the air to wave. \"This is for you,\" he said reaching to give them the two chocolate bars he wrapped with wrapping paper. El insisted on doing this because as he said in his own words, \"I want them to like me\". My parents looked at each other, unsure of what to do. \"I'm sure they appreciate the gesture Elliot.\" I said, snapping them out of whatever haze they were trapped in. \"Yes,\" my dad said, clearing his throat. \"Thank you for your generosity. You both should come inside,\" he said stepping back so we could take a step inside. His fair brown skin and graceful build walked ahead of us. I don't know what he did, but his skin was always softer and smoother than my mother's skin. To conceal her imperfections, she hid her pimples and scars under layers of concealer and foundation. Even at home she wore makeup, taking it off

119 of 295 minutes before crawling into bed. Only my father was worthy of seeing her at her most vulnerable. \"What's generosity?\" whispered El as we followed my parents inside. The tiled floor was pristine. Did Terrie and Gina still come to clean every other day? \"You like to give.\" I whispered back. He nodded his head and returned to looking around as we walked behind my parents. He held on to my hand for security, reminding himself that I was still here. Nothing has changed. The house was still as I remembered, 35 acres of private fenced land. A part of me wanted to sneak upstairs to see if my old bedroom was there. It was the size of two bedrooms combined, with more room came more stuff. Given the chance, I would stand in the middle of the room, turn around and look at the old me. The old me loved sleeping, drawing cartoons, and updating my personal YouTube channel. On the wall, I had a schedule for posting new material and a board for new ideas and inspiration. In high school, I got my best friends to join in. It became our thing. Under my bed were my old uniforms for dance, swim, and softball. A huge mirror rested on the wall near my walk- in closet, I would spend hours trying on different outfits and trying new makeup techniques. My bedroom had to be as clean and organized as the rest of the house. If not, my mom would never let me hear the end of it.

120 of 295 The house has five rooms in total, three upstairs and two downstairs. One of the upstairs bedrooms used to be mine. The second one was my mother's office. The third was for a guest, surprisingly we didn't have many of those. When you're rich, you prefer sleeping in your own bed and admire your own riches. My parents' master bedroom was downstairs so was dad's office. We also had a den, every year it became whatever my mom wished it to be. Columns secured the second floor. From where I stood, I could see the stairs leading up to the second floor. \"We were just about to eat lunch, weren't we Anne?\" asked my dad. His smile showed his straight white teeth, the product of years of wearing braces and a retainer. \"Mhm,\" she said, arms crossed and heels clacking with her every step. Her body was upright and tense, hating every second of this. Her permed hair was usually up in a bun. Today it was down, freely touching her back. Her full lips were in a grimace. \"You are both invited to stay and join us as we discuss,\" he stopped, wanting to choose his words carefully. \"The elephant in the room.\" Consider this an invitation.\" \"We'd love to.\" I said, politely following them out back to the oversized patio. Our summer kitchen surrounded the sparkling pool. My mother's magazine laid open on the table. El and I took a seat next to each other, watching my parents periodically look at each other.

121 of 295 My dad's face was impassive, hard to read, as always. On the other hand, my mom's face was inflamed with anger and her veins engorged with bad blood. ___________________________ Did you know? Daniel Carter had a heart attack last year. The first person Roxane thought to call was Saige. She didn't.

122 of 295 25. The Elephant In The Room Lunch was sailing smoothly after El asked what was on his plate, not knowing what to really make of it. It was potato cakes stuffed with mushrooms. My mother cooked lunch, it was easy to tell since there wasn't any meat on the table. It's not that she didn't eat meat, she did, just not often. On the side were caramelized carrots. \"So young man,\" said my father. \"Tell me about yourself.\" I was grateful to have the awkward silence filled I just wish it wasn't at my son's expense. El looked at me, wanting my permission to speak. \"Go ahead El,\" I said softly. \"My name is Elliot Carter Harley, I'm eight years old.\" My mother stabbed at her lettuce. She had a bowl of salad too. \"This is my mom,\" he said pointing at me. \"Saige Harley. I'm in second grade and my teacher Mr. Greene is great. When I grow up, I'm going to be a para-paramedic,\" he said. \"Um... I have two dads, a real one and fake one, Michael and Rowan,\" he added, lowering his shoulders. My mother raised her eyebrows, her interest was piqued at the mention of Michael's name. \"Michael is in jail. Rowan is in jail too. We need your help to—\"

123 of 295 \"Okay El,\" I said cutting him off. \"That's enough about you,\" I said gently patting his back, smiling so hard that my lips felt bruised. \"Of course, why else would you come?\" asked my mother sarcastically. \"Anne,\" said my father softly. \"Why else would I come?\" I asked right back at her. I was not here to grovel or beg for their forgiveness. I wasn't the one in the wrong. \"It's not like I gave birth to you or like your father and I raised you and gave you everything you could ever want in life—\" she stood up. \"the clothes, the mansion, the luxury, and the future every woman desperately wants,\" she said, letting out a sigh of frustration. And that’s where the details get muddled. From what I remember, I never wanted those things, yet they were given to me. I wondered if the same could be said for her. But that's Roxane Carter for you, always wanting you to bait you into an argument. Besides giving me all those things, they cut me deeper than any knife could. \"I am confident Saige has a good reason to be here today,\" my dad said. Hearing my name on my father's lips felt foreign. \"especially after all these years.\" \"I do.\" I agreed.

124 of 295 \"And she deserves to be heard,\" he added. \"She is our one and only daughter after all,\" he said, looking at her until she looked away and silently sat back down. ~.~.~.~.~ Looking around his office, plaques and awards hung on the walls. I remembered all the times he had his dinner brought here as he worked on a pressing case. There were times his lawyer friends would come, and they would stay there for hours. This was his home within his home. It allowed him to be here, without being here. \"What can we do for you Saige?\" he asked. His legs were crossed and hand touching his chin. His other hand was intertwined with my mother's hand, it's how he restrained her. That connection was the only thing keeping her from lunging at me. \"My husband is in jail.\" Saying it felt surreal. Rowan was in jail. Rowan was in jail? Rowan was in jail. My mother scoffed and rolled her eyes, assuming I was married to a thug or a drug-dealer. \"He's innocent, I know he is. Chris and Jamal, the people who he works for have hired lawyers who have compiled evidence that has led to his arrest. It all happened so fast and it doesn't look good.\" I explained. \"I'm willing to pay all the costs that are involved like anyone else,\" I wasn't expecting special treatment or charity. \"Why come to us?\" he asked. \"Lawyers are everywhere.\"

125 of 295 Sighing, I said, \"For a case like this, a case where the odds aren't in our favor, we need the best lawyers... and you both are it.\" I said, looking back and forth between them. My parents looked at each other, communicating with their looks, sighs, and breathing. \"No,\" said my mom, abruptly standing up. Just like that, she was out. She shut me down like a real shark. \"Absolutely not, you have the audacity to come here after what? Almost nine years?\" she asked, scoffing like it was uncalled for. \"Waltzing in like nothing ever happened. We believed in you Saige, we invested our time and energy, and love in you. How do you repay us?\" she asked standing up. The connection was broken. \"You drag us through a lawsuit, muddy up our reputation then come back wanting a favor?\" she asked, pointing at me. \"Absolutely not!” \"We're the bad guys, remember?\" she asked, laughing humorlessly. \"The big bad wolves, the monsters under your bed.\" She shook her head in disbelief, \"You really have some nerve,\" she scoffed. \"But I guess you inherited that from me, at least you got something from me,\" she said, throwing her hands up in the air.” \"I don't know about you Daniel,\" she said. \"But I'm done listening, my answer is no,\" she repeated. I heard her loud and clear the first time. When he didn't get up to follow, she huffed and walked out the door. It slammed shut behind her.

126 of 295 \"What makes you believe he's innocent?\" he asked. \"Besides the fact that he is your husband, you of all people should know that's not enough,\" he added, cocking his head sideways. Wanting to be more involved in their lives, I would ask about cases and the legalities behind what they did. When I was younger, I researched terms and phrases to use when I asked about the progress of a case. It's when he looked the proudest of me. It's been years but I wasn't as ignorant as most when it comes to the law and civil rights. How do I explain his innocence? \"He's innocent, he doesn't have the motive to embezzle the money.” \"If he was arrested, they had a probable cause which means they have evidence,\" he said, analyzing the situation logically. My mom appealed to emotion; my father appealed to logic. Both were effective strategies if used correctly in life and in a courtroom. \"He's being framed, I don't know why Chris and Jamal would want to do that, but they are. They're framing him. He's innocent.\" I took a sigh to calm my nerves and to prevent my emotions from getting the best of me. \"You used to always say you studied law to protect the innocent... Rowan is as innocent as they come.\" \"Your mother is clearly against this,\" he said, rubbing his chin. They didn't always agree. However, at the end of the day, they always made a decision together and stick by it. It

127 of 295 was my mom's brilliant idea to \"get rid of it\" and it was her decision to stand against me instead of next to me. My dad went along with it. \"When is she not against me?\" I asked softly. The way I walked, talked, and spoke never matched her standards. \"Don't take it personally, this is a surprise for the both of us. We thought we would never see you again.\" My father's state was the only one that I could never hold. Eventually, I had to look away. \"I'm sorry to ruin your dreams.\" I said, looking back up after the break. He chuckled softly, \"You two are more alike than you'll ever know.” Me like her? Her like me? I didn't see it. \"Fierce, strong-willed, opinionated, and curious,\" he said. \"She's hurting Saige, we both are. As we grow older, we're forced to accept the choices and mistakes we've made knowing we can't change them.\" He let out a deep breath and clasped his hands together. \"I'm not saying no, but I'm not saying yes. I need time to think before I make a decision. Your mother needs to calm down so we can talk about this and make a rational decision together. Okay?\"

128 of 295 \"Okay.\" I said. It wasn't a yes, but it wasn't a no either. I needed to focus on the positive. \"Come back tomorrow and we'll talk again,\" he said. \"Okay.\" I repeated again. \"Thank you for seeing me and for hearing what I had to say.\" I nodded my head appreciatively. \"Come on El,\" I said, leading him back to our car in the driveway. \"Are they going to help us?\" he asked me in the car. \"I don't know El, but I hope so.\" Back at the hotel, I started drafting back up ideas. ___________________________ Did you know?  Saige has always been a daddy's girl. Of the two, her mom was the hardest on her. Roxane has never been good enough, not for her parents, her grandparents, or her husband's family. To this day, she still doesn't feel like she's enough although she's more than enough to Daniel. Roxane was tough and strict because she wanted to raise Saige to be good enough for herself and for any man she wished to marry. Roxane didn't want any door to be closed off from her daughter because she wasn't \"good enough”.

129 of 295 26. Mommy & Son Although we were here on business, all work and no play does make Jack a dull boy. Winter break was coming up after this week, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t enjoy this mini break. I didn't wear shorts and sneakers often. Today, I was rocking a sporty look. El and I both walked out of the hotel with our shades on, sneakers on our feet, caps on our heads, and a plain tee. Our day started with canoeing in Lake Bradford, occasionally splashing each other with the warm water. What's a fun day without a little education? There was no way we were going to be in Tallahassee and not visit at least three museums. Although my son didn't love history, he did enjoy seeing the historical art and artifacts and the reenactments. He found the costumes hilarious. \"People really dressed like that?\" he asked. \"Yes, El they really did. Thirty years from now, your kids will be asking you the same thing.\" It was mind-boggling to think in thirty years I would be in my mid-fifties and potential a grandma. He scoffed, \"Which one?\" he asked. \"The first one or the last one?” \"How many do you plan on having?\" I asked, curious to see what he was going to say. The Museum of Florida was

130 of 295 history was packed with kids engaging in hands-on activists and group taking a tour. \"Four,\" he said, leading us to the replica of a ship. \"You really like that number, don't you?” \"Yes, and I want a big family,\" he said opening both arms. \"I like big families. They're always happy and together. It's complete.\" I wondered if this had anything to do with the fact that Mr. Greene came from a big family. He was the third child out of seven children. \"Aren't you happy now?\" I asked. He thought about it, \"I was but then Rowan went to jail. I'll be happy again when he comes home.\" \"You and me both,\" I muttered, ushering him towards a nearby bathroom. I had to go. I was constantly drinking from my 32-ounce water bottle. It was an extremely hot day in December. Only in Florida do you get this. Time to time, a feeling of nostalgia resurfaced. I remembered doing these things with my parents. All the memories of my parents weren’t all bad, maybe that's why what they did still hurts, besides them being my parents. The good memories were accompanied by a broken-hearted feeling because I knew there would never be good ones anymore. ~.~.~.~.~

131 of 295 \"I'm in love.\" El said, rubbing his hands together excitedly. His cap was hidden away in his backpack. The waiter, Amy, chuckled, depositing our multiple plates in front of us. \"Enjoy,\" she said. \"Oh, I will. Thank you,\" he said. \"Thank you,\" I said. Following up our earlier hand washing session, we applied a fresh coat of hand sanitizer. El refused to pick things from the kids’ menu anymore because they didn't fill him up. He ordered himself a BBQ Street Tacks. The smoked brisket was tender, topped with cilantro lime crème fraiche, Pico de gallo, cilantro, and queso blanco. He didn't expect it to be spicy. With every bite, he took a sip of his water. I ordered a Smokehouse Cuban consisting of smoked pork and ham, mustard, pickles, onion rings, melted provoke, and their signature Saige. It was all pressed and grilled and delicious. We shared our sides of French fries, BBQ baked beans, and potato salad. We had to eat something healthy for Rowan's sake. He would be appalled at our pig out session. El was even more amusing than when he was baby, updating me on everything about his life like I didn't already know. Additionally, he was curious about my parents. He wanted to know about their parents, their hobbies, and why they wanted to be lawyers. To finish our meal, we shared a red velvet cupcake.

132 of 295 After, we wandered downtown for an hour before walking into the Challenger Learning Center. It had a space mission symposium, an IMAX 3D theatre, and a planetarium. They truly achieved their mission of fostering children's' interest in science, math technology, and engineering. We enjoyed watching the night sky light with stars in the planetarium and finishing our night with popcorn and a 3D movie. ___________________________ Did you know? Something about Saige's dad interests El. He wants to have a good relationship with his grandpa like in the movies. He wants them to play and laugh and have fun together. Also, he thinks his mom really misses her dad. If she's happy then so is he.

133 of 295 27. Dinner With My Parents In my father's office, I was dabbing at my eyes with the tissues he handed me. Like a river, water was uncontrollably flowing out of my eyes. \"I'm sorry.\" I said softly, grabbing another tissue to blow my nose. We actually had a chance. Rowan might not go to jail.\"How did you convince her?\" I asked softly. \"I didn't,\" he said, shrugging both of his broad shoulders. \"Women are living breathing contradictions Saige.\" he brushed a piece of lint from his shirt. I continued wiping my eyes. \"Thank you,\" I said, staring up at my father's face. \"Since your here, you might as well stay for dinner.\" It was late and I really should hit the road. It was a five-hour drive back home. But I couldn't say no to someone who had just said yes to the biggest request I could have. “Ok.\" ~.~.~.~.~ El was talking animatedly at the table, asking my grandpa questions and wanting to know what I was like when I was

134 of 295 little. \"And then she fell in the pool. I helped drag her out of the water. Rowan says I'm a hero,\" he said proudly. \"Hmm, that's surprising seeing as how your mother is an excellent swimmer,\" said my dad. \"Yeah, she is,\" he said. \"She hit her head really hard though,\" he added. \"That would explain it then.” \"How come you never visit?\" he asked. \"I didn't know we were invited.” \"You always are, you're family. Right mom?\" asked. \"Right.\" If the roles were reversed and my parents had shown up at my door, I don't know what I would have done. For dinner, my father cooked baked pork chops with potatoes and green beans. I could eye a raspberry cream cheese dessert in the kitchen. This has always been my favorite meal. Time hasn't changed that. \"See,\" El said smiling. \"maybe we can play ball sometimes or tennis,\" he suggested. \"You think an old man like me can keep up with you?\" he asked chuckling. My dad could definitely keep up with him.  My mom sat stoically in her seat, watching El with interest and curiosity.

135 of 295 \"You're not old grandpa, you're like 45,\" he guessed. \"Close,\" he said. \"I'm 48.\" \"Wow, you're almost half a century,\" he said. \"You must be smart,\" he said taking a bite from the pork chop. \"My mom gets it from you.\" \"I try to be,\" he said, wiping the corner of his mouth with the napkin. \"I can’t take the credit for her intelligence; she gets it from her mom.\" My dad looked over at her. \"Back in the day, she was the smartest woman I've ever seen,\" he said smirking. My mom scoffed, \"I still am.\" She took a sip from the wine. \"Grandma, you and my mom could be sisters. You have the same eyes and mouth and nose and everything,\" he said. \"You're both beautiful.\" El was trying to lay the charm on thick. It was obvious to him that he hadn't won her over yet. \"Thank you,\" she said. \"You are a very handsome and eloquent little boy.\" Did she mean it? \"What does eloquent mean?\" \"You speak very well.\" \"Oh, you're eloquent too.\"

136 of 295 El enjoyed dessert and had seconds. Thirds would be excessive and have him bouncing off the walls. \"Bye grandma,\" he said, awkwardly waving to her. He waved back. \"Bye grandpa!\" he said, hugging my dad. \"Don't forget, we have a date me and you on the court.\" My dad laughed and wrapped his arms around El, \"I won't, I'll be there.\" I faced my parents, \"So, we'll see soon?\" I asked. My father wrapped an arm around my mother, she attached to his side like a barnacle. \"We'll both be there by Tuesday. We have some loose ends to tie up here and find a reasonable hotel that's close. Then we'll drive down and meet with you on Wednesday and notify the court.\" \"Sounds good,\" I said. \"Thanks again, I really appreciate this. I really do.\" I said, unable to communicate how much this meant. \"You're welcome Saige, drive safe.” ___________________________ Did you know? Daniel Carter's biggest regret is following in his family's footsteps. If he could do it over again, he would've opened his own barbershop. His uncle James, the only man in his family who chose not to be a doctor, was talked about and looked down upon in the family. Yet, he was happy and surrounded by the love and affection of his children and grandchildren.

137 of 295 28. Coming Home El started running towards Rowan the second I parked the car. Rowan was on the bench, just waiting for us to come and rescue him. The gift he had for Rowan remained in the back seat, already forgot. He jumped into Rowan's arms; both of his arms wrapped tightly around Rowan's neck. He buried his face into the crook of Rowan's neck. I didn't need to see his face to know he was crying. If I wasn't careful, I would start crying too. Rowan walked towards the car, whispering comforting words into El's ears. We both walked towards each other, drawn to each like magnets. When we met in the center, there was so much we wanted to say. Now wasn't the time of place. Since El refused to share Rowan, I wrapped my arm around his waist. Physically feeling his presence calmed my nerves and helped me believe that we were going to be okay. Together, we walked towards the car. Rowan sat in the back with El, whose hold only tightened. In the car, he held on to Rowan's arm fearing he would disappear. Silence invaded the car. El was too busy keeping Rowan under surveillance to speak. Our neighbors didn't wave as they usual when we got home. They scowled or turned away upon seeing Rowan. ~.~.~.~.~ Comfortably, El slept nestled between Rowan and me. He was as snug as bug in a rug. He's been at his side all evening. Rowan insisted on making dinner although I begged him to

138 of 295 let me. If he didn't do something productive, he said he was going to simultaneously explode and go crazy. As his sous- chef, El gathered ingredients, mixed the ingredients, and served as a taste tester. Out on the porch, we sat close together eating our dinner and looking at the stars. The wind rustled the leaves on the nearby trees softly grazed our cheeks. Looking at my husband, I could tell he enjoyed being outside without restraints. He was free from the constraints of a cell, free to roam where we wished and as he wished. His head was on Rowan's shoulder and part of his leg was thrown over mine. \"I missed you so much,\" I said, looking up at the ceiling. \"We both did.\" I said, looking over at El's face. His eyebrows were bunched up together. Before falling asleep, he was attacking Rowan with questions. What was it like? Did they hurt him? Was he scared? Did he miss us? What did handcuffs feel like? Was the back of the police car smelly? \"I felt so alone,\" he said, turning to his side. \"I felt out of place, I was scared. I hated not knowing what would happen next or when I would see El or you again,\" he said. \"I can't do it Saige—the idea of being locked up for at least 30 years… even if it's just five years is terrifying,\" he said. \"It scares me too,\" I said, reaching over El to grab his hand. I craved contact with him, I needed to remind myself that he was here with me once again. Sure, absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also threatens to give you a heart attack!

139 of 295 \"Never seeing you again or holding you in my arms. Never throwing a football with El or reading him stories before bed. Never having the chance to see you pregnant or hold our baby in my arms,\" he said, voice slightly cracking. \"I can't do it—I can't... I rather die.\" It pained my heart to hear him say that, \"Don't say that Rowan,\" I said fiercely, \"We're not going to let you go to jail!\" \"You're the one who said we need to be realistic and consider all possibilities,\" he said. I hated it when he used my words against me. \"That's a possibility, a real one.” Until his trial and as part of his O.R conditions, Rowan was not allowed to leave town, approach Chris or Jamal, or go on Fitness First's property. Rowan didn't know my parents; he didn't know what they were capable of doing. I did and that knowledge comforted me. ___________________________ Did you know? Rowan has a mental list of things to achieve before he's thirty. In middle school, his mom paid for him to have piano lessons. Check! In high school, he took an online class to learn American Sign Language. Check! After graduating from college, he traveled the world like he wanted. Check! He fell in love and got married. Check! Becoming the father of three kids is still unchecked. At this rate, he doesn't think it'll be checked off before he's thirty in three years.

140 of 295 29. No Secrets \"You look handsome.\" I said, smoothing out the wrinkles from his crisp button-down shirt. \"I'm surprised you aren't making me wear a tie,\" he said, sliding his hands into the pockets of his khaki shorts. He refused to tuck in his navy-blue button-down shirt in, thus displaying the brown belt on his waist. \"They aren't royalty.\" I said. He scoffed, \"I wouldn't be able to tell by the way you're acting.” \"It's all worth it if I get the desired results,\" I said, fixing the collar of his shirt. The navy blue matched the color of my simple dress.  My head ached from inadequate sleep. My feet ached from the motor exercises I did with the kids today and the long scavenger hunt we had outside. Thanks to my period, my back ached. There were two huge pimples forming on my face, one on my forehead and the second near my chin. \"My parents are all about impressions.\" The second and the third and the ones to come were just as important as the first. \"So, are we trying to impress them by being something we're not?\" he asked.

141 of 295 \"What do you mean?\" I asked. \"I don't really dress like this,\" he said. \"you don't usually put on that much makeup,\" he said pointing at my face. \"and you've been cleaning the house nonstop.\" I've cleaned the kitchen twice, vacuumed the living three times, fluffed the pillows twice, and rearranged a couple of things. \"My parents are our only chance of guaranteeing your freedom. I'll jump through whatever hoops to make sure they don't change their minds. I need them Rowan and so do you.\" I said. \"Ok.\" he said. \"Okay?\" I asked. \"Just okay?\" I smiled softly, wrapping my arms around his neck. Time to turn on the charm. \"You sound like the Pepsi commercial from the Super Bowl,\" he said. \"Eh, I think I'm more than okay. What do you think?\" I asked. “ He wrapped his arms around my waist. \"You know exactly what I think, stop fishing for compliments,\" he said. \"A little reminder never hurt anyone.” Chuckling, he touched our foreheads together. \"You, Saige Harley, have been and always will be more than okay,\" he said, making me want to swoon. \"You're my wife, how could not be?\" he teased.

142 of 295 \"Ugh,\" I said, lighting tapping his chest. \"You really think your hot stuff, huh?\" \"You think so too, you married me. Didn't you?\" \"Well, I didn't want Danielle to have you, so I didn't have a choice.\" Rowan rolled his eyes. \"Everyone thinks they're a comedian,\" he said,  \"Danielle never had a chance Saige, I don't think you realize that.\" \"Probably because I don't understand why. She's amazing.\" \"You need to be more than amazing to win me over. You need to be a keeper.\" \"And she wasn't it?” He pretended to look around the bedroom, \"Obviously not since she's not here,\" he laughed. \"She's not my type.\" \"Oh really, you have a type?\" \"Yes,\" \"Which is?\" He turned me around to face the mirror, \"You're looking at her,\" he said, kissing my cheek before running off. \"I'll go

143 of 295 see if El's is all dressed up and still cleaned before you have a panic attack.\" A grin graced my face as I finished getting ready. That man was just so lovable. I was willing to do whatever to keep him by my side. ~.~.~.~.~ \"Grandpa!\" El said, opening the door. He gave him a high five. \"Welcome to my humble establishment.\" Rowan looked over me, wondering where he heard that from. I shrugged my shoulders. Television probably. \"Hello grandma,\" he said. \"Please come in and make yourself at home. There are some light refreshments in the living room.\" When they were turned around, El gave me and Rowan at thumbs up. Rowan covered his hand with his mouth to keep from laughing. My little boy was trying so hard to be grown and mature. \"Mom and dad, this is Rowan Harley, my husband.\" I said, introducing them. \"Rowan, these are my parents, Daniel and Roxane Carter.” My mother nodded her head to acknowledge his existence. My father shook his hand. \"Firm handshake, nice grip,\" said my father. \"I like that.” \"You can tell a lot about a man from a handshake.” \"Agreed,\" said my father. \"I like what I see so far.\" We led them to the living room, handing them plates to grab some

144 of 295 snacks from the snack platter if they wanted. My parents weren't a big fan of eating out or at other people's houses. I kept it simple, not wanting to feel the hurt of rejection. My mom was reserved, taking some carrots and dip, after engaging in a long stare-down with my dad. His plate was piled high with food. \"We've got a lot to discuss,\" he said, taking another huge bite of the homemade New York cheesecake. It was his favorite. \"Do you mind starting Anne?” \"Do I have a choice?\" she asked. She wiped her hands then dug in her bag for her reading glasses. Then she opened her folder. It was had papers filled with research, she flipped through it then pulled the one that had what she needed. \"Rowan Harley,\" she read, her voice sounding like that of someone tired of a mundane profession. \"Male, black, 5'9, 27 years old, and facing first-degree felony for embezzlement of funds from Fitness Firsts accounts owned by Christopher Orman and Jamal Balker.” \"Is that correct?\" she asked. Of course, start by introducing the charges. \"Yes,\" Rowan said, maintaining eye contact with her impenetrable stare. \"Good,\" she said. \"I hate inaccuracies.\"  \"The crime of embezzlement differs slightly—just slightly in each jurisdiction.\" she said, flipping through the folder to pull another piece of paper, \"However, the prosecutors are going to need to prove several things. First, they'll need to prove you, the defendant, converted the property, which in

145 of 295 this case are the funds in the account that was entrusted you by the victims, who in this case happen to be Mr. Orman and Mr. Balker.\" \"Converted the funds how?\" Rowan asked. \"Converted the funds by dealing with them in a way that is inconsistent or contrary to the arrangement between you, the defendant, and the owners of the funds,\" she explained. \"As the sole manager, your role includes making sure the business,\" she looked down at her paper. \"the gym is operating efficiently and effectively. If not, you use the funds to ensure that it is or to increase profit generated by customers. Is that correct?” \"Yes,\" he said. \"Using the money for anything outside of that arrangement would be considered converted. An example would be using part of those funds, even if it's twenty dollars, to purchase a new item for personal use.\" She crossed her legs. \"Secondly, the prosecutors will need to provide fraudulent intent,\" she continued. \"It's required for a conviction,\" she said, reading through her notes.\" Juries, if you're given one, typically infer fraudulent intent from your conduct.” \"Fraudulent intent meaning?\" I asked. \"Meaning the defendant, your husband, \" she said, looking at me. \"embezzled the money intending to wrongfully deprive the true owners, Mr. Orman and Mr. Balker, of it. Therefore, it was not just an accident. How

146 of 295 someone could accidentally steal $150,000 is beyond me,\" she scoffed. \"It will be fairly easy for them to find fraudulent intent.” She lowered the folder and the paper in her hand. \"If I were the prosecutor in this case,\" she said, tapping her nails against the folder. \"I would find motives that explain the fraudulent intent.” \"Now that's a scary thought,\" I mumbled under my breath. \"Motives such as?\" asked Rowan. \"I would look for reasons explaining why you would need the money,\" she explained. \"Perhaps you have student debts and loans to repay.\" We did. \"You could possibly need the funds to pay past medical expenses and upcoming medical procedures.\" That kind of money could come in handy for that. \"Or maybe you're trying to finish paying off this house,\" she said, looking around. \"Or want to purchase a larger home to expand the family. The motives will be all too easy to find,\" she said. If only she knew the more she talked, the more it felt like I was grasping for the oxygen molecules in the air to breathe properly. \"Thankfully, we have you on our side to help anticipate them and prepare for them,\" said my father, wiping his mouth with a napkin. \"Unfortunately, fraudulent intent will most likely be inferred if the property, or in this case, the money was taken

147 of 295 in secret,\" she said. \"Which is what the other party is claiming.” Rowan sighed and crossed his arms, leaning his back against the couch. \"If you are convicted, you will be ordered to make restitution. All the money taken must be returned. If you don't have it at the time of the sentencing, you will pay it in installments.\" How was he going to pay it if he was locked behind bars? \"Until the last installment is paid, the judge may impose a probation period incarceration, fines, and other penalties.” \"Well,\" she said closing her folder and removing her glasses. \"I've said my piece, you now know what you're up against.” \"Thank you Anne,\" he said. \"As you both can see, winning this case will be easy for the prosecutors.” I leaned back into the sofa. Where was the good news? \"The motives and the intent are all there,\" he added. \"The easiest way to lose this case is to be unprepared, not knowing what they'll ask or how they'll ask. Not anticipating the angles at which they'll attack you.” \"The secret to winning this is to be prepared—expect it all, the unexpected and the unexpected and the wild cards,\" he said. \"See it all coming,\" he added. My parents saw the world in terms of winners and losers, triumphs and defeats. It fueled their desire to be the best but sometimes they lost sight of the bigger picture.

148 of 295 \"Okay,\" my father said with a loud clap. \"With that said, I'm going to need you to tell me it all. I—,\" he began to say. \"Anne and I can't help you if you're not open and honest with us. From this point forward, there are no secrets. You see this table,\" he said pointing at the one in the center. \"Lay it all out this table: your past and your present, your successes and your failures, your wins and losses. I need to know it all. The more we know, the more you'll be prepared. I can't prepare you for something you haven't told me about. Do you understand?\" he asked, looking at Rowan with such intensity it scared me. \"I do.\" Rowan said, clasping his hands together. \"Can you do that?\" he asked. \"I can and I will.\" Rowan answered. \"Good.\" My dad said rubbing his hands together. From his bag, he pulled out a notebook and a pen. He was old school, preferring to write it down. He claimed he retained information better by writing it down. On the other hand, my mom preferred to listen to information repeatedly. \"Before we begin, do you want Saige to be here in this room?\" he asked. Rowan and I looked at each like that was a bizarre question. \"Of course, she's my wife,\" he said, grabbing ahold of my hand. \"We have no secrets.\" My mother scoffed. \"That's a lie if I have ever heard one. \"every woman has at least one secret hidden from her

149 of 295 husband. Some expose them later in life when maturity and understanding sets in or they'll take it to the grave with them,\" she said, briefly making eye contact with me. It's like she knew. She was the type to take it to the grave. Which was I? She made it very clear that she didn't want to be here. Her face, her sitting position, and the sass in her voice made it obvious. To succeed, we needed her. As a successful prosecutor, she could offer us insight on flaws in the defense, points that needed to be emphasized, and parts of his past that he needed to elaborate more on. \"Saige and I don't.\" Rowan repeated, confident in his answer. Confident enough to engage in another stare down with her. Silently, I sat there beside my husband, hands intertwined, feeling shame, guilt, and regret. That's the effect my mother has on me. _________________________ Did you know? When she was 13, Saige's Doctor discussed the possibility of Saige taking birth control pills to help with her irregular yet painful periods. There were some months where it was so bad that she was confined to bed for at least a day. Her mother was enraged that the doctor would suggest such a thing. They left the office and never went back. After she had El, her the pain lessened but the irregularity continued.

150 of 295 30. A Year Ago \"Rowan,\" I said softly, snapping him from whatever thoughts were dragging him to a dark place within his mind. Although he held a magazine, it laid limply in his hands. \"Yea,\" he said, sitting up in the chair. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes tiredly. Most nights, he tossed and turned. His body was physically tired from working out in the yard, but his mind was restless and refused to sleep. I noticed when he left the bed and came back hours later. I heard his deep sighs throughout the night and felt the beating of his heart quicken at the thought of going to jail permanently. \"Sorry about my parents,\" I repeated again. \"Especially my mom, she has no filter.\" I said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. \"When I imagined meeting your parents, I didn't think it would be like this,\" he said, waving his arms around. \"Or under these circumstances.\" \"Neither did,\" I said. \"Actually, I thought you both would never meet, why would you?\" I thought I would my whole life never seeing then again. \"Just goes to show how life is full of surprises.\" I said, shrugging my shoulders. \"How did they meet?\" he asked. Of course, he would be interested in something like that. Over the years, they gave