Out of The Mommy Box

251 of 295 El threw the ball in the air. \"You can call me El, all the people I like do,\" he said. He let the ball fall to the ground the fourth time. \"I'll get us a bottle of water.\" \"Don't be too loud El, they're busy inside,\" I warned. Once he was at a six or seven, it could take him a while to get back down to a stable four or three. \"I would really appreciate that,\" Marcelo said. \"Thanks.\" \"I won't!\" said El, disappearing through the sliding doors. \"Can I ask you a question?\" I asked. \"It's kinda weird but,\" I shrugged my shoulder. \"Sure,\" he said hesitantly. \"How do you really feel about all this?\" I asked, taking off my sunglasses. Was he somewhat uncomfortable like I was? \"What do you mean?\" he asked. \"How do you feel about them seeing each other after all these years?\" His eyebrows raised in shock, that's not what he was expecting. \"I find it weird and unfortunate that they're both back in a similar situation,\" he said. \"except the roles are reversed. She's helping him this time,\" he added. \"Val told me about Rowan since we started dating. I must admit,\" he said smiling softly. \"I was jealous for a while because she made him seem perfect. How was I supposed to compete with that?\" he asked, chuckling softly. \"Here I am, a guy who

252 of 295 can barely remember to feed himself on time three times a day.” I understood that. \"Then I realized that I needed to stop comparing myself to him., he said embarrassedly. \"I'll never be him and I stopped trying to be,\" he said. \"I was happier that way, we both were,\" he added smiling. \"They're part of each other's past, we can't change that,\" he said. \"There's no pointing in wishing we could.” \"Okay,\" I said. \"Thanks for answering, I don't usually pry so sorry about that.” \"It's okay,\" he said. \"I get it. Val told me that he didn't tell you about her until now.\" he said softly. \"I can only imagine how Val would feel if I didn't tell her about an ex,\" he said wincing at the thought. \"Serious or not.\" \"Yea,\" I said awkwardly. \"It's not the greatest feeling in the world.\" \"Sometimes relationships work out and sometimes they don't,\" he said. \"Ours,\" he said, pointing at me and him. \"Ours is working out, not everyone can make it through their first year of marriage. That itself my friend is reason to be proud,\" he said. He turned backward at the sound of the sliding door opening. \"You ready?\" asked El, throwing a bottle of water to Marcelo.

253 of 295 \"I was born ready,\" he said. \"No you're not,\" El said. \"You had to put on sunscreen, you weren't born with it,\" he said laughing. \"You're too smart for your own good El, I was still trying to learn how to work a broom at your age,\" he joked. Taking him seriously, El shook his head in amusement and face palmed himself. \"How are you married?\" he asked. Marcelo laughed loudly at El's candid response, “I really don't know, I'm still trying to figure that one out.\" \"I can't help you there buddy,\" said El. \"It's beyond my expertise.\" Shaking my head, I chuckled to myself and continued grading my student's assignments. It was hard to concentrate with El's laughs and loud yelling, and Marcelo's chants. At the same time, I didn't want to go inside and see Valencia and Rowan comfortably sitting side by side. Going into the bedroom wasn't an option either because the silence would intensify the emotions I had within.  The best choice was to sit outside, soak in some vitamin D, and pretend to be accomplishing important work. ___________________________ Did you know? Val and Marcelo have been trying to have a baby for two years now with no avail. Sometimes she cries about it all night long and he awakens to soothe her. Marcelo is hopeful

254 of 295 that it will happen soon. If not, he has been checking out adoption. He hasn't told her that yet, he knows how insistent she is on having a child of their own.

255 of 295 48. No Regrets I was suffocating inside the house. Twenty-minutes ago, I left the bed I shared with my husband, the man I thought loved me and only me just a couple of weeks ago. I was finally understanding the phrase \"rude awakening\". It was more than that, I felt like someone jostled me from awake from a peaceful slumber. In the dimly lit kitchen, as quiet as a mouse, I was hunched over the counter crying my eyes out over emotions I couldn't explain and fears that terrorized me to the core. With his trial approaching, reality was setting in and my emotions were running high. This wasn't me. I didn't like the Saige I saw looking back at me in the mirror. This Saige was tired of being strong, tired of smiling like everything was okay. Having a supportive mother whose arms were open and inviting would've been helpful right about now. My parents have been together for years. Surely, they've been through tough times yet managed to overcome them. I could use her wisdom, experience, and her presence. But those are arms were no longer open for me to run to, they were tightly crossed against her chest. Cold and uninviting. Rowan was quick to approach me because he thought I was hunched over in pain. In a way, I was but it's not one a medical doctor could treat with a bandage, a cast, or

256 of 295 medication. \"Saige,\" he said, reaching out for me. He was alert for someone who woke up from sleep seconds ago. \"Please don't,\" I said, walking backward. \"I didn't want him touching me. When he touched me, I feel like he was wishing it was someone else. All those great times we had and all the memories we shared were tarnished with doubt and peppered with my insecurities. Did he ever see me for me? Or was he imagining himself with someone else? These uncontrollable questions kept me up at night and pushed me down a deep pit of pity. \"Saige,\" he repeated. \"Can we please talk about this?\" he asked. \"Please,\" he begged. \"W-what is there to t-talk about at this point?\" I asked, shrugging my shoulders. The tears were blurring my vision. \"Saige,\" \"Stop s-saying my name,\" I said, briefly shutting my eyes. I clenched my fists. I didn't like the way it sounded coming out of his mouth. He stood across from me, silently standing there. He didn't know what to say or do. He didn't want to make things worse. I grabbed a napkin and blew my nose. I needed to get myself together, I was losing sight of the bigger picture. “You have a trial in a couple of days, let's focus on that.\" I said,

257 of 295 finding common ground. I wiped my face with the back of my hands. \"How can I focus on that?\" he asked. \"How can I focus on anything knowing that my wife can't even look at me?\" he asked softly. \"You've been treating me like a stranger Saige-“ \"That's what it feels like!\" I yelled in a whisper. \"I came into this marriage without any secrets Rowan! There were none! You know every integral part of who I am. You know the who, what, when, where, and why of what makes me who I am today.\" I said. Being with Rowan was all or nothing, I didn't want to hold anything back. I showed him everything that I had to offer, giving him the chance to accept or reject.  \"I came into this relationship with vulnerability, trusting you wouldn't hurt me and believing you would do the same—\" \"I did Saige! You aren't alone-\" \"Really?\" I asked in disbelief. \"Then how come I didn't know about her? Huh?\" I asked. If he could hide this part of his past, what else was his hiding? It's a question I didn't want him to answer \"Is she suddenly not important?\" I asked. \"Are you telling me this woman who hopped on a plane, with her husband, to testify on your behalf after what?\" I asked. \"10 years of no contact is no longer important to you?” He opened and closed his mouth. \"Saige, can we calmly talk about this?\" he asked, dismissing my question. He motioned his hands towards the living room.

258 of 295 \"You want to talk?\" I asked, scoffing. \"Answer this and we'll talk.\" I said \"Do you wish you were with her and not with me?\" I asked, wiping away the tears to watch him clearly. We were at opposite ends of the kitchen; nothing was between us except conflict. \"Why are you doing this?\" he asked, eyebrow scrunched up in confusion. Voice soft-spoken to persuade me to cross the sea of conflict into his waiting arms. \"Why are you trying to put me in a position to hurt you, to hurt me, to hurt our marriage?\" he asked. \"Why Saige?\" he asked, raising his arms. \"We made a vow that day,\" he said, pointing at one of our wedding pictures. The picture was enclosed in a small frame sitting on the windowsill. I started at it sometimes as I washed the dishes. Often, I found myself laughing uncontrollably at everything that went wrong. \"Remember?\" he asked, pointing at his ring and mine. \"I'm set on keeping mine, I found what I needed in my life,\" he said patting his chest. \"and I'm not looking back towards anything or anyone,” he said seriously. \"I have no regrets.\" \"Do you?\" he asked, slowly taking a step back then turning around to walk away like I initially wanted him to do. That was supposed to make me feel better but instead, I felt worse. I felt so much worse, I slid down to the ground and cried until my eyes were a mini tide pool. ~.~.~.~.~

259 of 295 The following morning, I was rejuvenated with coffee from Loco Coco. I stepped into the classroom before Diamond walked into hers, that didn't happen often. I turned on the lights, changed today's date up on the wall, and prepared for the long day ahead. I had a conference during my lunchtime and two more later this afternoon. The great thing about being a teacher is having students who manage to make you laugh and smile. Kai was more engaged, actively participating in discussions and, sharing his answers.  Nina's optimism and perkiness rubbed off on everyone, she had a way of brightening up the room. Despite how I was feeling inside, I managed to have a productive day. Yet the second I stepped back into the house, I was feeling exhausted all over again.  .~.~.~.~ \"We need to talk,\" Rowan pulling the door shut behind him to prevent us from waking El. \"I can't go into the courtroom with my head messed up like this or to jail knowing that our marriage is sailing on rocky waters.\" I took a seat on the edge of the bed. I was tired, very tired of all this. Couldn't I be happy and stay happy for once? \"I hear you baby, I do,\" he said, taking a seat next to me. The bed dipped with his added weight. \"When I'm rushing, trying to get home I'm trying to get home to you and El,\" he said. \"When I'm trying to picture what our kids will look like and be like, I'm seeing a little girl who is as intelligent as you,

260 of 295 another little girl who is curious like you and another little boy who is a natural-born leader like you and El.\" He grabbed both of my hands, gently kissing them both. \"And when the thought of going to jail starts to creep up on me and scare me, it's because I can't—” he took a deep breath. “I can't stand the thought of never being with you and El.\" he said softly. \"You want to know what helps me fall asleep at night?\" he asked. \"When I didn't answer, he said, \"Well do you?\" \"What?\" I asked. \"The warmth of your body next to me and the sweet smell of your coconut milk shampoo,\" he said. \"I fall asleep and dream about all the good times we've had this past five years, two of those as a married couple, and I dream about the even better ones to come,\" he said. \"I walked away from Valencia,\" he said. \"Saige, I could never do that to you willingly, he placed my hand against his beating heart. \"This heart beats for you Saige.\" \"Bad timing.\" I said, looking at him. Rowan was just as tired as I was, eyes sunken in a little with bags underneath. Makeup was a quick solution to hide the fatigue and avoid unwanted questions. Rowan didn't have that option. These last few months had taken its toll on us. We weren't as close as a couple. Deception wrapped in protection and coated with love had created a distance between us, one that wasn't here before.

261 of 295 \"It wasn't meant to be, you can love someone but that doesn't mean you should be with them,\" he said. \"It's all part of a greater equation.\" \"With you, I have everything I need,\" he said. \"You're not a substitute, a backup, or a second choice Saige.\" He gently grabbed my hands. \"You're my first choice. If I had to choose, I would choose you over and over again.” ___________________________ Did you know? You can love one person more but have the maturity and understanding to know another will make you happier and give you what want from a marriage mate. That is partly why Rowan walked away from Valencia and didn't look back. He doesn't regret his choice. If he could go back, he would do it again. He wouldn't change anything about his life except working at Fitness First and trying to get in contact with his mother. Both turned out to be nothing but trouble.

262 of 295 49. Before The Trial Naomi was back. Since Charlee was homeschooled because she didn't \"fit in\" to the physical high school environment, they were free to travel as often as they liked without having to worry about the impact of a missed day of school or trying to play catch up. Being in a physical school setting would be good for her. Her mother and the security of sitting behind a computer screen was having a negative influence on her. Charlee's confidence and ego were inflated. What she wanted is what she got. High school would be a rude awakening that would tone down her attitude and sense of entitlement. Naomi and I steered clear from each other, the house wasn't big enough to be petty but we managed just fine. Like busy working bees, we were all trying to keep occupied with something, anything that would keep our minds from wandering into an ocean of negative thoughts. Charlee and El were working on building an elaborate Lego masterpiece in his room. Naomi caught up with Valencia, asking about her family, and catching up on her life. I can't even begin to imagine how much she wished Valencia had married Rowan and not me. After work, I came home and tended to my garden outback. Doing something productive and talking to my plants relaxed me. I didn't feel so helpless as I pulled weeds and replanted new flowers. In my food section, I was trying my hand at growing tomatoes, basil, and southern peas.

263 of 295 Rowan on the other hand focused on nothing but the trial, refreshing his memory with dates and events, and preparing himself for one of the most important day of his life. He was withdrawn, trying to perfect his testimony more than it already was. It was perfect already; nothing could make it better. With my parents’ help, they had built a convincing defense built on the truth. I desperately hoped the jury would see past the prosecutors’ lies. Eventually, the day we all had been waiting for with trepidation arrived on a chilly Wednesday morning. ~.~.~.~.~ \"Hey Saige, can I talk to you?\" Valencia asked, pulling me from my gnawing thoughts. I haven't been on a stand in almost eight years. My hands were shaking, and my arms were covered with goosebumps. Rowan and I both tossed and turned last night, finally giving up on getting a decent amount of sleep. Instead, he talked and I listened. Rowan had a whole list of things he wanted me to do if he was convicted. None of them had anything to do with him. Each involved taking care of El and myself and doing what was best for us. \"Yea sure,\" I said. We walked outside to escape the madness that was happening inside the house. Rowan was due for trial in court in several hours All lights were off in the houses on our street. Ours was the only one open this early in the morning.

264 of 295 Everyone was already dressed in their best, an ensemble consisting of navy-blue outfits. Rowan suit was a plain navy blue and we showed our support with similar colors. I was dressed comfortably in a beige skirt and a tucked-in long- sleeved white shirt. I was wearing a navy-blue cardigan over it to keep warm. My beige flats added to my overall comfort. Valencia wore a similar beige attire, opting for a plaid beige skirt that reached her knees. Her complimentary beige purse matched her navy-blue blouse. Over it, she had an open front black blazer. If a photo was taken, we would look like we were from a soap opera. It wouldn't be far off; my life has felt like a soap opera. It had the right stuff to be one, there was jealousy, strife, and death. There was the rekindling with an old flame aspect, reconnecting with your parents who banished you for life, and the unveiling of so many secrets. \"Marcelo told me about your conversation the other day,\" she said casually, leaning against the porch's pillar. \"Is there anything you guys don't tell each other?\" I asked, forgetting to stop and think before I speak. The thought slipped out without being filtered or coated with niceness. “Sorry-\" \"It's fine,\" she said laughing. \"My friends find it strange too,\" she said. \"It's how our marriage works, there are no secrets,\" she said shrugging her shoulders. And that’s how it was supposed to be. Sometimes, along the way we married couples forget that and let faulty excuses get in the way.

265 of 295 \"Before he was my boyfriend or my husband, he was my best friend.\" She explained. \"If I didn't keep secrets from him as my best friend, why would I when he's my husband?\" she asked. It's logical when you say it and hear it but then the rules change when you have to live up to it. \"The only thing I haven't told him is that we've got a baby on the way,\" she squealed excitedly. \"but that's only because I want to surprise him. We've been waiting for this for a long time and I mean a long time,\" she said grinning. \"I want to make it special for him, you know?\" On my phone, I had a Pinterest board titled \"Reveals\". If I ever did get pregnant, I wanted a special way to surprise both of my boys with the good news. I haven't touched the board since the incident. \"Wow—\" I said, surprised she would share that with me. I was a stranger. \"Congratulations Valencia,\" I said softly, thinking of how my baby would be a year old about now. I shoved my selfish thoughts aside. \"Regardless of how you tell him, he'll be happy just the same.\" I know Rowan would. \"He better be,\" she said chuckling. \"But that's not what I came out here to talk about,\" she said, letting her smile slowly fade. \"If I were in your shoes, I would probably strongly dislike me right now,\" she said. \"Here comes this chatterbox with a big head,\" she said emphasizing her head size with her hands. \"and an annoying perky attitude who has a hidden past with my husband.\"

266 of 295 She wasn't wrong. \"But I want you to know you have nothing to worry about Saige,\" she said. \"And you lost me,\" I said flatly. \"I was going along with everything you said this far but then you said that.\" I said sighing. \"Don't tell me what I want to hear Valencia.\" I wasn't a vulnerable piece of glass at risk of shattering into a thousand pieces. I wanted to know the truth. \"I'm not,\" she said. \"I'm telling you what you need to hear. That man inside loves you,\" she said pointing at the door. \"Right now, he needs the woman he loves by his side.\" \"And who's that? You or me?\" I asked crossing my arms. Right now, Rowan was getting a two for one deal. She showed me the ring on her finger, \"I belong to Marcelo Knox, we're bound together forever. That's whose side I'm standing next to— I have been for the past four years,\" she said. \"I'm not a threat Saige, I'm only here to help.\" She said raising her hands. I don't know what Rowan said to or what was discussed, but I do know that Valencia could have said no. She could have refused to have anything to do with him after all these years. But she didn't. She momentarily left her life behind with his husband to fly here to help. Not everyone would do that. Although I don't know all the motives that pushed her to say yes, what really matters is that she's here.

267 of 295 \"I know,\" I said, lowering my defenses. \"And I appreciate that,\" I said sincerely because having her testimony increased our chance of victory. \"Maybe the problem isn't Rowan Saige, well a little bit since he shouldn't have hidden this part of his past from you,\" she said reasoning with herself. \"but maybe the problem is the insecurities we all as women and wives face at one point in our lives and in our marriage.\" She said. \"Why me? Why now? Why not her? Does he really love me? What does he see in?\" she said using a whiney voice. \"It's a constant struggle and we lose sight of what we have in front of us,\" she stressed. \"A man who loves us—one who loves me,\" she said pointing at herself. \"One who loves you.\" she said pointing at me. \"Rowan loves you Saige, don't doubt that.\" \"And how do you know?\" I knew he loved me, I was just having trouble believing he loved me for who I was and not who he imagined me to be. The unconscious mind is powerful and works in strange ways without us knowing. We act on feelings and thoughts we didn't even know we had. What if that was his case? \"I know him.\" She said confidently. \"Well, that makes me feel better.\" I scoffed. It was already established that they knew each other pretty well, that was why we were having this conversation. She dramatically groaned, \"Think about it,\" she said, outstretching both of her hands. \"You're a teacher so you

268 of 295 probably do a lot of that. Rowan had a choice,\" she said, emphasizing his freedom to make a decision. \"I reached out to him. I gave him an opportunity for us to be together.\" She said, emphasizing how she put herself out there. And I just kept learning more about this multilayered story. \"And he didn't say anything,\" she said simply, slightly raising her shoulders in the process. \"because he didn't have the heart to tell me no,\" she said. \"That's what he would have said.” \"This is crazy,\" I said. \"I feel like I'm still missing something, why would he say no?\" I asked in disbelief. What was wrong with him? \"Look at you, you're everything Rowan could ever want in a woman, everything his mother would want in a daughter-in-law.\" She was the type of woman you brought home to your parents, not one with baggage on one side and a toddler on the other. Valencia saw the world in bright colors, I was fighting to see the world through those lenses every day. It was difficult since naturally, I saw things in black and white. She was ambitious, knowing what she wants and going after it. She seemed like the type of woman who knew how to make the best out of life and enjoy the ride while she was on it. That wasn't me but that did remind me of someone I knew. Rowan. \"Yet look who he's married to,\" she said cocking her head to the side. She smirked, \"look at who he started building a future and a family with.\" She said. \"I'm just the woman he

269 of 295 left behind. It's all good though,\" she said raising her hands. \"I found my one and only.\" We were going to be heading out soon to arrive promptly at the courtroom. There, my parents would continue preparing for the trial. They never stop preparing until it starts even then they're still preparing for the unexpected. \"Think of the now Saige, that's what matters.\" She said smiling encouragingly. She gently squeezed my shoulder. \"That's where the fun happens. Leave the mistakes and the worries for the past.” ___________________________ Did you know? Valencia was devastated when Rowan never reached out to her or tried to get back to her. By his silence, she knew what he meant. She understood all he should've said but didn't. He was always the quietest when he had to say no but didn't know how to say it. He was a people pleaser, wanting to make people smile and laugh and be happy. Hurting people intentionally wasn't who he was. It's not what he did. That's one of the biggest reasons why she loved him.

270 of 295 50. After The Trial Victory was ours. We were prepared. We were ready. We were on fire. My mother nailed every claim the prosecutors made beforehand. She spotted their angles, knew where they were going, and anticipated the questions they would ask. Nothing was a surprise. I think they were surprised at how prepared we were. Not one of us made a fool of ourselves on the stand. I didn't hesitate or flinch or even shake as they questioned my marriage. Did I think my husband was capable of such a crime? Was I aware of what he did at work? How much did he share with me about his work life? Answering their questions was a breeze. Rowan was naturally a calm and collected man, but it would rile anyone up to hear false accusations and watch them drag your name through the mud.  However, he sat poised on the stand and politely answered their questions one after another. They tried to break him and tear him apart, using their penetrating stares to shake him. There were no holes in our defense. It was impenetrable.

271 of 295 It was constructed by the Carters. They should've done their research. The greatest surprise in the courtroom was Jamal's response to Valencia. We assumed he could either play it off or fight to remain composed and unbothered by her presence.  Surprisingly, Jamal was escorted out of the courtroom as Valencia was on the stand. She was in the midst of sharing her past and what she remembered from his character through her interaction with him. He made a complete fool of himself, angrily standing up and accusing her of exaggerating the details. It was his word versus her word which was corroborated with police reports, old newspaper clippings, and a written and notarized statement from their old principal who was unable to be present here today. Although he shortly returned, trying to act like nothing had happened, he or Chris or their prosecutors couldn't bounce back from that. His decorum was inexcusable and was evidence in itself of the person he was then and the person he was now. The jury's decision was five to three, Rowan was pronounced an innocent man and all the charges were dropped! He was not going to jail.

272 of 295 He was not going to serve nearly the rest of his life in a jail cell. He was not going to leave me and El. Rowan hugged me tightly to him, we felt the rapid beating of each other's hearts and heard our heavy breathing. It felt like we had finished running a marathon and in a way we had. \"I'm free baby,\" he said, gently rubbing his hands up and down my back. I felt tears wet my face. His tears were mixing in with mine. It was an emotional moment. I relished in the warmth of his embrace and I was overjoyed that he wasn't going away. ___________________________ Did you know? Rowan is relieved! He feels like a heavy load has been removed off his shoulders. Now, he just wants to focus on moving past these last few months. It's been nothing but stress and anxiety. He can breathe again. Also, he knows he needs to fix things with his wife. Saige is disappointed in him, he let her down. He can see it in the way she looks at him and in the distance between them. He doesn't care what he has to do or how long it's going to take, he's going to fix it. She means too much to him to let something like his past ruin what they have or how far they've gotten.

273 of 295 51. Celebration True to his words, Rowan let Elliot choose where we were going to celebrate. Despite the fatigue and exhaustion we all felt from being in the courtroom all day, we sucked it up for El's sake. He was looking forward to this, wanting to move on from a dark chapter in our lives and concluding it with a happy ending. Of all the places he could've chosen, he chose Terra Gaucho’s Brazilian steakhouse. We first went there for the first time. El came along, crashing our regular date night. It was an idea he snuck into our date night jar. There, we would get access to a gourmet salad bar and unlimited service of fire-roasted meat like beef, lamb, chicken, and seafood. Rowan and I were sitting side by side, abandoned by the third member of the family. El sat near his grandpa, animatedly promoting all the best dishes, which were all his favorites. The manager promised him a job once he was older, he knew how to shake a place with that cute face of his. Marcelo sat one head of the table; Valencia was next to him. Charlee sat on the other head of the table next to her mom who was also seated next to Rowan. El wanted to be caught up on the smallest details of the trial, wanting to know exactly how we won. Rowan, my dad, and Valencia shared the role of storytelling. My attention

274 of 295 was partly absorbed with the delicious chicken on my plate. The salad was still untouched, I would get to it later.   Valencia and Marcelo had an early flight to catch the next morning. They were adamant about catching an Uber to the airport. \"You guys deserve to take a day off and just sleep,\" she said, taking a long sip of her Coke. \"I agree,\" said El, stabbing his shrimp. \"We need it,\" he said, taking a large bite of it. \"Tomorrow is an early day anyway, we barely do anything on early days.\" he said leaning back into his chair. He was looking directly at Rowan and me. \"I could use a day off,\" he took a final bite of his shrimp. Marcelo chuckled, \"Don't you want to be a paramedic someday?\" he asked, remembering a conversation they had earlier. \"Yes.\" he said. \"Then you can use all the learning you can get,\" he said. \"Trust me.” With that said, El continued to pick his brain about being a paramedic. It was an area he was knowledgeable about given his line of work. Marcelo was patient while answering his questions and sharing stories. Rowan was turned around, involved in a long conversation with his mother. She was becoming weepy, tearing up at the thought of losing her one and only son. She

275 of 295 was making Rowan emotional all over again, squeezing his hand, and rubbing his face like he was a little boy again.  Charlee and Valencia were swapping makeup tips, unhappy with their blotchy complexions. They pulled my mom from her intense examination of the food on her plate to ask for her advice. Her makeup was light but changed her entire visage. She hid her blemishes well. \"I better start taking notes,\" said Valencia, hanging on to her every word. My ear was catching interesting bits of each conversation, especially the one with my mother. Her knowledge was vast. There was so much I could've learned from her. We could've been so close, a mother-daughter duo. I would've had a role model to look up to, someone to talk to about marriage, and someone to go to for advice.  Two hours into the night, my parents stood up. They were the first to leave, wishing everyone a good night and congratulating them on a job well done today. El said his goodbyes in the restaurant but not without making promises I knew he was going to need my help to keep. His first promise was to come and visit them during the summer. This time he was spending the night with them instead of staying in a hotel. That was a conversation for another day. Rowan thanked them so much that my father forced him to stay inside the restaurant to continue enjoying the night. \"You've thanked us enough Rowan,\" he said chuckling. \"It was our pleasure to help you during your time of need.\" I volunteered to walk them out to their car. My mother was silent, reaching a whole new level of withdrawal ever

276 of 295 since the jury found Rowan not guilty. \"I guess this is where we part ways again,\" he said, stifling a yawn with one hand. \"Before we go, we want you to know we're happy you reached out for our help.\" he said seriously. \"I know it wasn't easy— after all these years and all that has happened,\" he said softly nodding head. \"But you pushed that aside to do what you needed to do to protect your beautiful family,\" he said. \"As you were growing up, we knew you would be amazing—but you surpassed the notions we had of the woman you would be today Saige,\" he said smiling. There was a hidden sadness behind that smile, one laced with remorse and regret. Things could've been different between us. I rubbed my eyes with the sleeves of my blouse. These compliments were overwhelming and tapped into suppressed emotions. Yet, I wished he wasn't the designated spokesperson for the both of them. My mom knew how to use her words. She chose now, this moment during which we would parts ways, to say absolutely nothing. Her arms were wrapped around his arm, silently she watched him talk. She didn't shake or nod her head. There was no indication that she agreed or disagreed with anything he said. \"We're always here for you Saige,\" he said. \"The door is always open for you,\" he added. \"All of you, especially that incredible son of yours. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it,\" he said encouragingly. \"Thank you.\" I said softly, wrapping my arms around myself. \"For everything.\" They refused to accept payment so all I could say was thank you from the bottom of my heart.

277 of 295 ~.~.~.~.~ It was around eleven when we got home, I could feel the sleepiness tugging at my eyes. I took tomorrow off from work, not knowing exactly how today would end up. Whether we won or lost, I was going to need the day to stay in bed and catch up on some much needed sleep. Naomi offered to drop El at school, an offer for Rowan's behalf I'm sure. She was staying for a week, needing to catch up with Rowan, and take care of him like all mothers wanted to do for their son. El was fast asleep in the car, Rowan carried him to bed. With him barely awake, Rowan did the heavy lifting, gently undressing him for bed before doing the same for himself. Both of us showered for like an hour before bed, wanting to clean ourselves, body and mind, from the remnants of these past few months. I smelled like moist earth after it had just rained. Rowan smelled like a fresh load of laundry mixed with the scent of rosewood. \"Hey,\" Rowan said turning to face me in the darkness of the night as he climbed into bed. It dipped downwards with his added weight. It didn't dip as low as it used to. He had lost weight and muscle from the constant stress. \"We're going be okay, right?\" he asked, wrapping an around me. He gently pulled me closer to him until there was no distance. \"The worst of the worst is over...\" he trailed off. \"I hope so.\" I answered, gently touching his face with the palm of my hand. Parts of his face was cut. He shaved this morning, hands shaking from the trial. I ran my hands over

278 of 295 the cut skin and felt his cool minty breath as he slowly breathed in and out. He closed his eyes, relishing in my soft and loving touch. He opened his eyes seconds after. \"A wise woman once told me it won't happen unless we make it happen,\" he said softly, caressing my cheek with the palm of his hands. \"So, let's make it happen Saige.” ___________________________ Did you know? This summer, El plans to spend a week with his grandparents’ house. He'll give up going to summer camp for the first time if he has to. His grandpa is an interesting man, he wants him to teach him how to draw, how to fish, and teach him rights as a citizen. Most importantly, he wants his grandpa to be in his life so he can also be in his mom's life. She misses him. He doesn't think he can help fix things between his mom and his grandma. \"She's too tough of a coconut to crack\" as Mr. Greene always says.

279 of 295 Epilogue ~Seven Years Later~ It felt like I was getting married again. In reality, we were just renewing our vows, a concept the butterflies in my stomach didn't understand. Our ten-year wedding vow renewal has been in the works for years. I've been looking forward to this day since we got married. Nothing could stop it from happening. Not even baby Rochelle's constant kicks in my stomach or the frequent nausea. Nothing was ruining this day this time around. That was a promise! \"Eloise stop jumping on the bed, you'll wrinkle your dress!\" Her dress made her feel like a princess just like she wanted. It was a lace A-line satin pink champagne-colored dress with cut half sleeves and pockets. She jumped one last time for extra measure then landed on her butt. \"I thought you already got married mommy.\" She said. \"Why are you doing it again?” \"So you and El can be there,\" I said. It's all she wanted to know, why were we doing this. Doing things twice didn't make sense for an adorable six-year-old self. There was a knock at the door, Rya looked through the peephole to see if it was Rowan. \"We're good!\" she yelled, opening the door. \"It's just El.\"

280 of 295 \"El!\" Eloise yelled; I could hear her small feet run to meet him at the door. Despite the age difference, Elliot and Eloise got along very well. She adored him and loved him more than she loved him. At night, she refused to go to sleep unless El and only El read her a bedtime story. \"Hey Ellie,\" he said, wrapping an arm around his little sister. She preferred to climb on his back. I don't think she realized she was getting bigger as she got older. She wasn't the three-year-old he used to give pony rides all over the house. I smiled at their adorable interaction, remembering how I broke the news to El and Rowan. I sent them to the store to do the groceries, arguing that I was too tired to move a muscle. Once they were out of the door and reversing out of the driveway, I jumped off the couch and into action. During the long hour that it took them to buy groceries, I'm still trying to figure out what took them so long, I was able to pinkify the house. Using all the oxygen in my body, I blew up several pink balloons saying it’s a girl. They were lined up, leading to the kitchen where a large vanilla cake, my favorite since I was the one carrying after all, was on the counter. On the cake were the words, \"Congratulations to the new daddy and new big brother!\" The lights were dimmed, and the house was lit up with pink scented candles. Their hands were full of bags as they took their first few steps into the house. Then the grocery bags were dropped and the eggs broke but they were absolutely ecstatic. With Rochelle, I didn't get to surprise Rowan. He surprised me, guessing I was pregnant on the basis that I was

281 of 295 different. Turns out I was different because we were expecting again. \"I've come with presents,\" he said, grinning. His hands held a basket of muffins and donuts and other goodies. \"You had me at muffins!\" said Lay, raising her hands. This time she was perfectly healthy and capable of being part of the ceremony. \"You've come to spy,\" I said from the bathroom. Becca was still putting the finishing touches. \"I know Rowan sent you.\" I said narrowing my eyes. \"Or maybe I just wanted to see the bride,\" he said smirking. He was handsomely dressed in his crisp white shirt, khaki-colored dress pants, and brown suspenders. If he pulled up his pants, you would be able to his colorful socks. They were a solid navy blue with pink polka-dotted socks, he chose pink to match the color of my dress. Each groomsman was going to wear a different color sock. Rowan’s guys were wearing the ensemble, but he would be the only man with a rose gold boutonnière right above his heart. My little boy was growing up. In a couple of months, he was going to fourteen. The peach fuzz around his mouth was the beginnings of a mustache. His voice was slowly becoming deeper, when did that happen? Where did the time go? El was still seeing Michael, multiple times a month now. They weren't best friends, but I knew El enjoyed having some type of relationship with Michael. Not wanting to do anything to ruin it for him now or in the future, I haven't told

282 of 295 him about what happened when I was 17. It's a secret I'll take to my grave. For my son's happiness, it was worth it. \"You see me every day,\" I said rolling my eyes. He and Rowan mastered the art of making me smiling endlessly. \"Not every day you renew your vows,\" he said. \"Wow,\" he said, taking a step back. \"You look beautiful mom.\" He was stunned into silence. Finding a dress was hard. Finding a dress that makes you look beautiful even though you're pregnant was challenging. I was this close to giving up when a package arrived at my front door. The dress was gorgeous, I was afraid I wouldn't do it justice. Instantly I fell in love with the halter and the figuring defining daisy lace at my waistline. The graceful lines flattered my figure and the side pockets gave it a modern feel. What woman doesn't love pockets? The plunging neckline was easily fixed with the snap-on coverage. The dress was perfect. It was from my mom. It didn't make up for her absence today, but it did make me feel like part of her would be with me on this special day. Eloise bumped his head gently with her hands, \"She looks gorgeous,\" she said, correcting him. Eloise was obsessed with my hair, wanting to know if she could borrow it when she got married. Um, sure? When Rowan and I got married, I chose to curl my hair, and have it fall on my back. This time, I choose a goddess updo, curling the hair and securing it upwards with a rose gold crown. \"You are done Saige,\" Becca said. I looked into the mirror. Becca was definitely gifted. For the past three hours, she's

283 of 295 been transforming a saggy eyed and plain Saige to an amazing looking bride. Using three different rose gold and pink tones blended together, she created a stunning ombré tone. I was flawless! The rose gold makeup complimented my bridesmaids' pink champagne colored dresses. Their chiffon and elastic silk material gave them room to breathe and move around. A light breeze would easily travel through the fabrics and cool them down. \"Can I go see daddy with you?\" asked Eloise. \"Can I mommy? Please?\" she asked clasping her hands together. Her hair was braided drown her back with florals intertwined. \"Only if you promise not to tell him what I'm wearing.\" I warned. \"Not even the color?\" she asked, mouth open at the idea of giving him nothing. She was a daddy's girl. Rochelle was going to be too. Whenever Rowan placed his hand on my stomach, it soothed her and lessened the kicks. With Eloise, I was nauseated most of the time and felt the best when I was in bed. Rochelle gave me the freedom to move around more and be active. \"Not even the color.\" I agreed. Eloise was a little chatterbox who spoke her mind and said whatever. She had no filter most of the time. \"That goes for you too El.\" I said pointing at him. \"I know the drill,\" he said, putting his hands up in the air. His muscles were noticeable in his suit, they along with his abs were the product of Affordable Action. Rowan owned

284 of 295 his gym like he always wanted. With him running his own show, no one could ever frame him again. El worked there during the summers but worked out there regularly, wanting to be toned and muscled like Rowan and Michael. Sometimes I worked out there to make him happy. A happy husband is a happy wife. \"And make sure she doesn't dirty her dress.\" Her curiosity would leave my little scientist digging up dirt or examining a mud pile. \"I will!\" he called out, waving bye to the bridesmaids. \"Be safe and be careful!\" I yelled. \"We will.\" he said, shutting the door behind him. Shortly after he left, the door opened again. \"What happened to giving the bride privacy?\" I groaned. \"I think I've given you enough of that over the years,\" he said. It was my father, \"I've come with a message from the groom. Also, I came for selfish reasons. I wanted to see my little girl in white.\" My mother wasn't here but he was, right now that's all that mattered to me. I wasn't surprised when he made excuses for her as he always did. Shame probably prevented her from showing her face. Smiling, I got up to hug my father tightly. \"You look spectacular Saige, you're glowing,\" he said, caressing my cheek. \"I couldn't be any prouder of you.\"

285 of 295 \"You're going to make me cry,\" I said, chuckling softly. He kissed my forehead. \"Now for the message.\" He removed his phone from his pockets and looked for the video. He held up the phone, ushering me to take a seat. I clicked play. In the video, Rowan was staring at the camera from his bed. His phone was either held by a tripod or someone else. He wasn't dressed yet. He was wearing basketball shorts and a plain t-shirt. He better not be late and if he lost his suit again, I was going to go crazy. \"You know I don't understand all this secrecy, it's been ten years Saige!\" he exclaimed. \"Man, can you believe that?\" he asked grinning. \"You'll look beautiful—magnificent actually no matter what you're wearing,\" he said smiling. \"But since it's your—our day,\" he said teasing. \"I'll do whatever it takes to keep you happy and smiling. I just want you to know I can't wait to see you walk—-well waddle.\" He always had jokes, I rolled my eyes and tried to stop smiling so hard. \"down the aisle. I can't wait to share this special day with you and all our friends and family. I'll be looking at you with love and admiration for your strength, beauty, and resiliency. I'm honored to call you mine. As you finish getting ready, take a moment to breathe and relax. We can't handle another chaotic ceremony,\" I laughed aloud. He was right, we couldn't. To finish up he said, \"I love you Saige Harley. I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I'll love you tomorrow.”

286 of 295 ~.~.~.~.~ The ceremony itself was being held in the Florida Keys, specifically at the Alastoria Resort. The resort had a pier leading to a gazebo at the end overlooking the shimmering turquoise water. It was the perfect size for our small and intimate ceremony. There were white drapes on both sides of wooden columns, pinned to the columns with bouquets. In between both drapes, we would renew our vows. Our bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down the aisle. Next came Eloise, our flower girl, accompanied by El and his best friend Julian who held up banners saying, \"Here comes your true love!” After winning the trial, home didn't feel like home anymore, especially when your community made you feel unwelcome. Shortly after the trial, we sold our house and moved to another neighborhood to start anew.  Julian lived in the neighborhood where we moved. On the first day, he introduced himself and helped us start moving in. El wasn't a fan of the move but Julian made it easier. Over the years, Julian has become part of the family. He is Rowan's second son and El's brother from another mother. If only we had met him sooner, we would've adopted him for sure. Julian's adoptive parents were alright in comparison to his biological parents. However, their permissive parenting style and nonchalance when it came to his education and whereabouts bothered me to the core. Most days, he ate over our house and slept there too, leaving to go back home because he had

287 of 295 to eventually. Eventually was sometimes after a week. Eloise introduced him as her second brother to anyone who asked. When people brought to the color difference, she would say \"He needs more sun that's all.\" All the guests stood up when Here Comes The Bride started playing. I looked at my dad nervously. He smiled encouragingly, leading me towards another man I loved dearly. ~.~.~.~.~ The reception was held upstairs on the resort's balcony. Each table had a rose gold tablecloth and six seats to seat the guest. In the center of the table were dimly lit candles that created an orange and yellow hue. The dance floor was in the center. Ellie was looking forward to dominating it tonight. There were activities and appetizers to entertain guests until we arrived. There was a table showcasing the story of us through photos of us and our family throughout the years. Against the walls were the large letters R&S. Guests were encouraged to leave us a message using the black sharpies. We were planning to hang them above our beds, reading them before bed every night. We arrived at the reception an hour and a half after taking pictures. Rowan was obsessed with capturing every aspect of today. \"Beauty like this can't go uncaptured Saige,\" he said, popping his collar. Rolling my eyes, I pushed him and his inflated ego out of the way.

288 of 295 Julia worked her magic with the mirror, capturing us at our best angles. There was a photo of Rowan and I holding a sign that read \"Ten Years in counting. There was one of us kissing and holding a wooden board that had the words \"We still do\" in a floral circle.  My favorite was of her photographing Rowan and El, swinging Eloise back and forth. She was able to capture her midair with a look of pure joy on her face, all of their faces actually. El loved the one with the signs that read \"10 years later...\" as he and El poised. Ellie insisted on laying across his open arms, holding the sign towards the camera. She grinned at the camera, a smile that mimicked Rowan's in every way. We were in the background, my head on Rowan's chest and his arms around me, while they were in the spotlight, the center of our world. At the reception, our chairs had signs behind them. My chair said, \"She will always be the one!\" His chair said, \"To him, she'll say I do any day!”. Booking this place was worth the money, everything was provided. All we had to do was provide them with a check. Our first song together was one of my favorites, a duet to a song that spoke to my heart and our journey together. My head rested on his shoulder, wanting us to be as close as possible, given my bulging stomach. Rowan led, I followed. I would follow him anywhere. \"You just keep getting beautiful every day.\"  he whispered softly. \"I keep getting older every day.\" I chuckled.

289 of 295 \"You're not alone, I think I'm starting to see gray hairs,\" he teased. \"One day you really will.\" I said, lifting my head to admire his handsomeness. \"As long as you're by my side when it happens, I'll be fine,\" he said, gently turning me around. \"Where else could I possibly be?\" I asked. I love you Rowan Harley,\" I whispered. If it hadn't been for our strong desire to make our marriage work and the help of several therapy sessions, we might not have been here today. \"And I love you Saige Harley,\" he said. \"More than you will ever understand.\" I smiled at his words; it only grew as he drew closer to kiss me on the lips for the hundredth time today. Nina Simone couldn't have said it any better in her. It felt like everything was new in my life and for that, I felt oh so good. And it's all because I was out of the Mommy box and out I shall stay, no matter what happens! ___________________________ Did you know? Years from now Eloise is the first of her siblings to attend graduate school to follow in her grandparents’ footsteps. Her dad's close call inspired her to become a lawyer, specifically a defender. She wants to defend those wrongly accused. While in school, her grandpa is teaching her everything he knows. Eventually, she is going to be the number one defender in the family and in North America.

290 of 295 El is anticipating the right moment to propose to his girlfriend, Diana Monroe. She is everything he wanted in a woman and a potential wife. She is strong and supportive like his mother, grounded, has a great sense of humor, and she's humble. She keeps him on his toes. And she has won over his entire family, he can't wait to make her a Harley. For the past year and a half, he's been putting the skills and lessons his dad gave him to practice. Like a real man, he treats her like the diamond she is. By the time she was six, Rochelle earned the title the wild card. She is nothing like her parents or siblings, she dances to the beat of her own drums. Her dream is to visit every continent, learning about the diverse culture, and experiencing different ways of living. Maybe one day, after she explored the beauty of the earth’s creation (both natural and manmade) she'll meet a nice guy, settle down, and have kids. If not, no biggie. Everyone in the family knows El is going provide most if not all of the grandchildren.   Years from now, Saige and Rowan can't wait to sit back, relax, and enjoy their grandkids.  However, some women aren't the only ones to take secrets to the grave. Many, many years from now, Rowan will be buried in a silver casket. With him will be the secret that he actually embezzled $50,000 to give t0 his biological mother Miriam. It's an action he regrets but can never change. No one except him will ever know ~The End~

291 of 295 Final Words As always, I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read this book. If this is your first time reading one of my books, I hope you'll go on to read the others I've written! If you've read my books before and are a Ray's Fan, then I hope I didn't disappoint! So, to current and previous readers, THANK YOU! I always look forward to reading your thoughts and hearing your questions for me regarding this book. Therefore, feel free to email me any questions or thoughts! Usually, I try to do interesting and different things in the Final Words section. So, I thought I would share with my readers things that almost didn't happen and were last minute additions. Things That Almost Didn't Happen! #1- The Miscarriage. At first, the story was going to start with Saige and Rowan expecting their first child. That was too predictable. I've felt like it was done before and I have done it before. #2 - The Final Did You Know. They were enjoyable all throughout the book so I had to add a final last one to the epilogue. It felt right. Without writing another chapter, I could provide snippets of their future! Although it was fun adding those, I don't think I'll do it in another book, maybe something similar but not exactly like it. It felt right doing it with Out Of The Mommy Box just because there is so much unknown when it comes to Saige's past and her relationship

292 of 295 with her family. Creating a chapter to explain and explore each of the conflicts and past events that made the characters who they are would be overwhelming. Yet, the Did You Know sections allowed me to that succinctly.   #3- Guilty. Rowan actually being guilty of embezzlement was a last-minute addition—very last minute! I could only imagine how my readers would be so sure of his innocence so I felt obliged to toy with that! I just had to! You guys set it up to happen. Coming into this, I was like yup he's innocent. I mean. He's Rowan! How could he possibly be guilty of anything bad? So, I had to do the contrary. Also, I think it shows that no one is perfect. Most importantly, it goes to show that good people do bad things sometimes for the wrong reasons that seem right at the time to them. It’s the common case of convincing yourself through false reasoning and logic that what you are doing is okay, yet it’s not. Get it? If you're wondering why his mom needed the money or why he gave her the money, I don't have an answer for that. Your answer is as good as mine. All I can tell you is that he hasn't heard from her since then and he regrets it. #4- O.R Release. Originally, Rowan was going to be in jail until his trial. That's basically the entire book. Then I realized the readers would enjoy it more if he was an integral part of the story throughout it. I couldn't have him missing. It didn't feel right. With him in it, you could observe the family dynamic. The first book, \"The Mommy Box\" mainly focused on Saige. Although this book was in Saige's perspective, I felt like it focused more on the other characters like her parents, Rowan, El, and Michael. The first book tells you everything you needed to know about Saige, you didn't really learn new things about her in the second book. If you

293 of 295 did, it was minimal compared to what you learned about the other characters. The first book brought up their names, but this book showed you who they were and provided a bigger picture. I hope you enjoyed the view! #5-Valencia. She wasn't supposed to be a secret, but Rowan wanted it that way. She is just a friend. He didn’t think much of it although she did impact his life back then. Additional Information: 1. From my research, I learned that technically someone charged with sexual battery as Michael is/was wouldn't be allowed to contact his victim in any shape or form. However, since this is a work of fiction and for the sake of where I wanted to go with this story, he was allowed to do so. If you're wondering where he got her address. Google, I guess? 2. I did not involve the trial scene because those can be boring sometimes and require a lot of research. I didn’t aim for a trial mimicking one in real life to an exact tee, but I tried to make it realistic. I'm not sure I would have been able to do it justice. However, I will share that it was tense, it was somber, and it was filled with hard stares and impassive looks. As the trial progressed, the smug look on Chris and Jamal's face started to fade into oblivion.

294 of 295 3. I’m not a lawyer. I've never been to law school. Therefore, I apologize in advance if you notice any legal discrepancies or untruths. I've done some research to the best of my abilities but that still doesn't make me a savant in law. If you know something I don't, feel free to share it. Once again, thank you immensely for reading from start to finish. Like always, thanks for your support! -Kay

295 of 295 About the Author Kiarra is a young African American woman perfecting her craft while unleashing imaginative hopes, dreams, and struggles into her diverse works. Through the inspiration of the many works she has read in the past, she strives to instill hope, humor, and a healthy dose of reality into each story she writes. Her greatest learning method is through reading. She believes reading to explore different perspectives helps her and others understand the world around us. With each book she writes, she wants to teach her audience that there is more to people than what we know or what we think we know. She sincerely hopes you enjoyed this story and go on to explore her other works!