Donene Preview

HEART OF A CHAMPION 133 that we watch the cattle, and after just watching a little bit we’d prob- ably know what to do. It was great advice. I thanked her and walked away, feeling embar- rassed no longer. I just needed more information before I could make a good decision. No shame in that. As my self-consciousness subsided, I felt a wave of excitement run through me. I had met Lari Dee Guy!

134 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK WHO’S IN YOUR INNER CIRCLE? People who care about you will be persistent in helping you make the right decisions that move you forward. Over the years I began to form an elite inner circle of people who really helped me. Troy was one of them. And I didn’t know it yet, but I was taking an im- portant step in developing my circle by introducing myself to Lari Dee Guy. Consider anyone who is in your in- ner circle carefully. They should be peo- ple who you aspire to be like—for exam- ple, people with an elite mindset, an elite skill set, and a genuine heart posture. Finding your inner circle can re- quire getting outside your comfort zone. When I introduced myself to Lari Dee I had no idea of the relationship that was to come. “Larger than life characters make up about .01 percent of the world’s population.” — TOM HANKS, ACTOR AND FILMMAKER

HEART OF A CHAMPION 135 Raise the Bar The first morning of the Finals, I was the second-to-last roper to com- pete, because I was the #2 roper going in. I rode into the box and Hunter pushed my calf for me. I got out late as I had held Todd too tightly in the box. I didn’t leave soon enough and took a reaching throw. My rope didn’t even come close, but I was still in the hunt. I had my second rope tied on. Carrying a second loop was unusual for me, but Troy encouraged me to do it this year. I was glad to have it. I grabbed the loop and began swinging it. I was at the end of the arena, and close to the calf. I roped the calf, stepped off and tied him. I had my first calf tied down. In the afternoon, I noticed that my arm was really sore. Something didn’t feel quite right. I got a neck and shoulders massage from one of the massage vendors, and that made things feel a bit better. I was roping my dummy okay so I hoped it would be alright. In my second round I was late leaving once again. Again, I had a tight hold on Todd, I wasn’t able to start my runs the way I needed to, and I was having a hard time getting my rope out to the calf. I just didn’t have any momentum on it. Once again, I reached for my second rope. When I was positioned more closely to the calf and things were moving a bit slower, I caught the calf on the backside. I won fourth in the second go. The next morning was the same scenario. I missed with the first loop, caught with the second loop. Having caught the past three calves kept me in the Average. But that wasn’t enough to satisfy me. I was glad I had the second rope, and I was roping and tying really well with it. But I wasn’t performing even close to how I had imagined. I wasn’t roping like the tough women ropers I admired. I didn’t get it. Why was I throwing such terrible first loops? Every- thing just felt off. I called Troy, terribly frustrated. As always, he had a ‘never give up’ attitude. “It isn’t over, Donene,” he said.

136 DONENE TAYLOR In the fourth round, I threw my rope just as hard as I could throw it. It didn’t go on clean, but the tip of the rope came back around and caught the calf’s neck. I ran down and made an average run on the ground. I finished the Finals fifth in the Average and dropped from second to fourth in the World Standings for the year. At the awards ceremony I forced away tears while sitting at one of the big, round tables with the other competitors. I thought, ‘How much longer till I win? This was sup- posed to be my year. I worked for it. I traveled more than any other Tie- Down Roper. I tried the hardest. It should be mine.’ I thought I should win because I wanted it most and I felt I deserved it. Of course, in retrospect, I know that the World Champion will not be the person who wants it the most or tries the hardest. Success is about much more than that. I just couldn’t see it at the time. One silver lining was getting to meet another woman I admired: Jackie Hobbs (now Jackie Hobbs-Crawford). Jackie was (and is) phe- nomenal. She didn’t win the World at that event, but she did win the Average. I had never seen a girl tie-down as fast and flawlessly as Jackie. It lit me up to see what she could do. Kim Williamson was another solid competitor. She was roping with a rotator cuff tear. I didn’t know what that was, but I could tell she was in pain. She didn’t do as well at this event as before, but she was out there, she was tough. It made me glad I didn’t have a tear—my problem was probably just overuse. It would get better with some rest. The women at that rodeo showed me just how high the bar was being raised. I felt like I was being challenged—in a good way. I knew I wasn’t even close to tying calves like Jackie, but I sure wanted to be. When the Finals were over, I thought about what I’d accomplished. I thought, ‘I made it here, tied my ropes on properly, made it through the event, by myself.’ This realization fired me up. I felt really empowered, even though I didn’t win. In the end, I didn’t leave there wanting to throw in the towel. Instead, I felt more inspired than ever. ‘I can do this,’ I thought. ‘I can do this on my own.’

HEART OF A CHAMPION 137 I left knowing I must get better. I didn’t know how, but I was de- termined to figure it out.

138 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK DO YOU RESPECT YOUR COMPETITORS? Women like Jackie Hobbs-Crawford and Kim Williamson helped me to aspire to my true potential. At a certain point, I realized that to compete at their level I was going to need to get much, much better. This was a good thing. A raised bar excited me, rather than mak- ing me feel ‘less than.’ Respect your competition. By rais- ing the bar, they can help you get to where you need to be. “The success of every woman should be the inspiration to another. We should raise each other up. Make sure you’re very cou- rageous: be strong, be extremely kind and above all be humble.” — SERENA WILLIAMS, PROFESSIONAL TENNIS PLAYER

HEART OF A CHAMPION 139 “I’m not leaving until I’m better than I was before.” When I got home, it didn’t take long for my enthusiasm to wear off. It was replaced by pain. My arm was throbbing and within a couple of months, all my strength was gone. I struggled to pick up bales of hay and 50-pound bags of feed—things that were easy for me before. I stopped working out, and even quit doing my step aerobics. It killed just to do the arm movements that went with the footwork on my aerobic step routine. On January 2nd, 2008, I googled ‘Rotator Cuff Tear.’ My heart sunk. The search results described my symptoms to a tee. I went to see my doctor, and my fears were confirmed. On February 14, I had open repair surgery for my rotator cuff tear. I had no idea what to expect after the surgery. In retrospect, I should have asked the doctors better questions because I was com- pletely unprepared for what happened next. I didn’t expect that I wouldn’t be able to raise my right arm. I didn’t expect that I would need five months of doing physical therapy three times a week. I didn’t expect that the smallest of exercises would prove immensely difficult. One of the exercises involved doing the ‘itsy bitsy spider’ with my right hand against the wall, slowly moving my hand up and down the wall to get slight movement back in my shoulder. It was so dis- heartening. While I stood there, my head hung down low. I stared at the carpet and just watched my tears drip, drip, drip on the carpet. I thought to myself, ‘I will never ever, ever, ever rope again.’ Luckily, I had Emily Cook by my side. Emily was my physical ther- apist at Big Country Rehabilitation. She is also a world-class elite athlete who competes in Iron Man Triathlons, Ultra Marathons, and more. Every time I started to lose faith Emily would cheer me on. She told me, “You’ve got what it takes. You can do this, Donene.” When I started to doubt my own progress, she reminded me that I was getting stronger.

140 DONENE TAYLOR Emily often repeated to me, “You’ve got to be your own best cheer- leader.” I would hear her say this to other patients as well. Every time I saw her, she made me believe in myself and the possibility of recovery a little more. By June, her words had sunk in. I decided to believe. I made a promise to myself. I said, ‘I’m not leaving until I’m better than I was before.’ As I’d promised myself, I was indeed in better shape than I was before the tear. My arm, and my entire body, were just as strong as they’d been before the surgery. And that’s not all. My mind, my attitude, my heart posture, and my perspective on life were off-the-charts better. Emily had deepened my self-belief and shown me what a positive mindset—what a world-class athlete mindset—really looks like. If I was going to come back and run down this dream, I would need to believe in myself.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 141 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK WHAT CAN YOU BE GRATEFUL FOR IN THIS MOMENT? Having shoulder surgery made me stop taking so many things for granted. Instead, it made me grateful. I became grateful for each bit of pro- gress I made during physical therapy. Every bit of arm movement felt like a huge success. I was deeply grateful for Emily, her continued support, and her ability to think outside the box with my exer- cises to help me regain a full function- ing shoulder. Having her rally for me each day kept my spark alive. I was also grateful for every person who supported me—my family, my doc- tors. I began asking for help more and appreciating it when it came. Having something taken away from you can make you appreciate it more when you are given a second chance. When you’re going through a challenge, aim to have an ‘attitude of gratitude.’ Every challenge is a chance to grow. “If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.” — FRED DEVITO, AUTHOR

142 DONENE TAYLOR “Bulletproof.” All my hard work in physical therapy paid off and in July 2008, I was discharged and given a clean bill of health. Emily told me I was now “bulletproof.” But I didn’t feel that way. When it came time to ride again, I felt timid. I worried, ‘What if I get bucked off, land on my shoulder, or re-tear my shoulder roping?’ The idea of going through another surgery and rehabilitation terri- fied me. I didn’t want to chance it. It wasn’t until the summer of 2009 that I decided to rope again. After getting Todd back in shape, my first order of business was to call Troy. “I don’t know what it will look like,” I admitted. “Can I come rope with you guys?” Troy said ‘Sure’ and what happened next felt surreal. I hadn’t roped for nearly two years and my first practice back with Troy was amazing. I didn’t miss a single calf. I felt like I couldn’t make a mistake roping or tying. After I roped my last calf, I rode over to Troy. My eyes were teary. “I really thought I would never rope again,” I told him. “I am so happy right now.” Practicing at Troy’s gave me the confidence to go to a couple of women’s rodeos. After that, even though I did not qualify as a Top 15 contender, I opted-in as a wild card at the 2009 WPRA World Finals at Tulsa, Oklahoma in October. As a wild card competitor, I could not win a World Championship, but I believed that this opportunity—to compete with these elite women—would help me take the next step forward towards my goal. In Tulsa, all my old patterns and mistakes came back. My horse- manship, my roping—nothing was where it needed to be. It was clear

HEART OF A CHAMPION 143 I still had nowhere near the skill sets needed to compete with the other women. I figured I just needed to keep working at it. As I walked up the ramp to go to the stalls, I saw Lari Dee was walking down to the arena. As we passed each other, we both smiled. “Good job today,” she said. “Thanks,” I said. “I’m trying to figure it out.” Despite her kind words, I left Tulsa frustrated and dejected. When I got home, negativity took over. I was overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and anxious. I was afraid of how out of control I felt. What if I fell back to my old coping mechanisms like my eating disorder and OCD? I didn’t have any strategies to work through the discomfort. I couldn’t risk falling back into my old ways. Even though I’d worked so hard to get back into the game, I de- cided to give it all up. I stopped riding Todd and I sold my calves. “I quit,” I said. And I meant it.

144 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK DO YOU FEEL LIKE QUITTING? For years, I let my emotions drive my decision-making. By this point, I had quit three times during the heat of an emotional moment. I was letting my emo- tions and negative thoughts drive my life. Everything felt like it was spiraling out of control because I was not choosing to be in control of the things I could control: my thoughts, my emotions, and my attitude. I had much more control than I realized. I just didn’t know it, yet. If you find yourself feeling over- whelmed by emotion or if you feel like quitting, put off making a decision for a little while. You might just need a little bit of time and space to turn confusion into clarity. “Life has its ups and downs, and time has to be your partner. Really, time is your soul mate.” — BOB DYLAN, SINGER AND SONGWRITER

Chapter 6 The Definition of Insanity I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. After quitting, I did eventually, try again. But for the next couple of years, I continued the same pat- tern that I’d been repeating for a while when it came to my rodeo career. I’d start out excited, motivated, and hopeful. I’d hit the ground running and give it my effort… for a while. Then I’d hit a series of obstacles or adversities and instead of push- ing through, I would shut down. Heck, I had no idea what was on the

146 DONENE TAYLOR other side of adversity. I had no intention of finding out either. I just knew it was very painful. I kept taking breaks and ultimately delaying my own progress. I would start-stop, start-stop, start-stop. But that all changed in 2011. At 17 years old, Hunter decided he wanted to ride bulls and com- pete in high school rodeos. So, I said, “All right, let’s do it. But if you’re going to do it, let’s make sure you do it right.” I wanted to make sure he’d learn proper chute and safety procedure, train on the right bulls, and have the right equipment. So together we went to Lyle Sankey’s Bull Riding School. The school took place in Rose Hill, Kansas over Labor Day week- end. We got to the school and Lyle had all the students sitting in the bleachers. I sat on the sidelines, at the edge of the bleachers. I took out my notebook and pen, ready to learn. I was plugged in. Everything Lyle spit out, I wrote down. Then Lyle asked something that threw me off my guard. “Does anybody here know the definition of insanity?” he asked. I didn’t know the definition of insanity. So, I wrote down, “defini- tion of insanity,” and waited for the answer. Nobody spoke up from the class. So, Lyle explained, “The defini- tion of insanity is doing the same thing over, and over, and over again, and expecting different results.” I wrote this down verbatim, “...expecting different results.” I put my pen down and looked up. All of a sudden, it clicked. I thought, ‘That’s me. That’s me in my roping. I’m doing insanity. I’m doing the same thing over, and over, and over again, expecting different results.’ I realized I’d been looking at things all wrong. I kept doing the same things over and over again. I would get frustrated and confused, and I would quit. I’d quit to avoid the pain, the discomfort, and the frustra- tion because I couldn’t figure it out. All this time, I kept asking myself, ‘Why have I not won the World

HEART OF A CHAMPION 147 yet? How much longer is it going to take? Why is it not happening? Why does all this stuff keep happening to me? Why am I being punished? Why can’t I just get a break?’ I’d been asking myself the wrong kinds of questions for a really long time. When we got home, I flipped through the pages of my bull riding notes and stared at that definition of insanity staring back at me from the page. I said to myself, “All right. How am I going to get off this insanity loop?” I reflected on this for some time, and then I came to a decision. I decided I would quit. I would quit this start-stopping, start-stopping, start-stopping. “I’m done with that,” I said. But then I wondered, ‘How am I going to actually do that?’ One morning, a few days later, I was taking care of some chores in my barn when the idea popped in my head. I would make a three-year contract with myself. This contract would be a rock-solid agreement with myself to stay committed to my roping for three years. The agreement would state: No matter what happens, no matter how bad it gets, no matter the struggles, or the obstacles, or the adver- sity, no matter how badly I screw up or how embarrassed I get, I will not stop for three years. Quitting was not an option. I decided that at the end of the three years, I could stop if I wanted to, or I could renegotiate my contract. But until then, the contract was sacred. I knew the contract would not guarantee I would win the World. (Though I still hoped it was possible.) The contract was about much more than winning. It was about helping me focus on my process. It was about developing the skill sets I needed. And most of all, it was about committing to the journey—the journey of becoming someone I had never been before. It dawned on me that the whole reason I’d stopped and started so many times was because I was scared. I was afraid of relapsing, of falling back into my eating disorder and OCD tendencies. But fear was no

148 DONENE TAYLOR longer going to stop me. I was committed now. I wrote myself the contract and signed it. And it’s a good thing I did, because I had no idea the obstacles—and heartbreak—that lay ahead.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 149 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK ARE YOU ON AN INSANITY LOOP?” When I wrote out my three-year contract, I was feeling pretty fed up with my old patterns. You might say I was at a point in my life where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Looking back, I can say I did three things right at this time. First, I pressed pause. I did not let my mind blow right by what Mr. San- key said. I invested time thinking about it, which led me to awareness of what needed to change. Second, I invested time thinking about how I could change my circum- stances and came up with a strategy. Third, when I had the strategy, I acted on it. I did not hesitate. The amazing thing about gaining awareness is that when we have it, we cannot go back to our old ways. We have the responsibility to make the changes necessary to become all we are meant to be. “You have to be disgusted with your current circumstances before your circumstances can change.” — ERIC THOMAS, MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER AND AUTHOR

150 DONENE TAYLOR Take off the Mask The ink on my three-year contract wasn’t dry before I started develop- ing more strategies for staying committed to my commitment. Not wanting to backslide into old ways, I added three additional strategies: • Get addicted to positivity. • Ask for help. • Get outside my comfort zone. Meanwhile, I hadn’t been to a roping school in what seemed like forever. I’d been watching my Brent Lewis’ VHS Tape for months as I worked out each morning. One day, I saw an advertisement for one of his schools. It was about four hours from my home. I thought, ‘I’m in!’ On the first weekend of May 2012, I went to Brent Lewis’ roping school in Hermosa, South Dakota. Attending the school was a way of asking for help—and it also got me out of my comfort zone. It was hard. I’d never run that many foot races in my whole life. But I learned that for 47 years old I was in good shape! I asked Mr. Lewis a bunch of questions about roping and tying. I came back home feeling positive. So far, my new commitments were serving me well. I had no idea what was in store for my family that way. Two days after I got home, I noticed that Todd wasn’t well. His hind legs were swollen and filled with fluid. I’d never seen something like this before. I called my brother, Justin. He was a veterinarian so maybe he could help. Justin came over to the house later that day and confirmed that Todd’s hock joints were inflamed and aggravated, causing the swelling. He was very kind and attentive with Todd. He gave him medication to take down the inflammation and had me continue to run cold water from the hose over his legs. That did the trick and the swelling went down. On Sunday, two days later, Hunter had his high school graduation. It was a fun day. The whole family came out, including Justin, my

HEART OF A CHAMPION 151 parents, and Stan’s parents. Just before it was Hunter’s turn to walk down the aisle, I turned to Justin, who was sitting to next to me. “When they call Hunter’s name, are we going to yell and whoop it up?” I asked. “Heck yeah,” he said. “Yeah, we are going to tear it up.” When they called Hunter’s name, we all cheered and hollered. It was awesome. A real celebration. After the graduation, the plan was to meet up the following day, Monday evening, to give Hunter his graduation present. My parents had bought him a used truck. It was going to be a special surprise. On Monday morning, I called Justin. It went right to voicemail, so I left him a message. “Hey, Justin, thank you for taking such good care of Todd,” I said. “His legs looked great this morning. I appreciate your help. I love you. I’ll see you tonight.” One hour later, Dad called. He told me that Justin had taken his life earlier that morning. After receiving the news, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. I drove Mom and Dad over to Justin’s home, where Justin’s body had already been removed by the coroner. I didn’t say much as I tried to process all the information, one piece at a time. Mom was of course frantic. Dad and I sat across from one another at Justin’s breakfast bar. Dad said calmly, “What will the newspapers say?” There was so much I wanted to say, but instead I kept silent and listened to my parents talk. I learned that Justin had struggled with mental illness issues long before the weeks leading up to his suicide. I

152 DONENE TAYLOR had never been told any of this before. I started piecing this information together, mentally going back in time, and it became clear that my whole family was wearing a mask, even when communicating with each other. Nothing was as it seemed. Justin and I had both struggled with mental illness and believed perfection was attainable. My family saw me go to treatment—twice. I knew my parents and Justin thought of me as weaker, more fragile, and less equipped because of it. But I realized, in that moment, that I was strong, I was courageous, and I was fully equipped. I believed that living wholeheartedly and authentically is more important than what anyone else thinks. And in my family, this was a brave choice. Justin did reach out for help a couple times before he took his own life. In mid-March, he reached out to one of his friends from high school, who then called another three of his close friends. Each of them got in their vehicles and drove for hours to get to Justin’s house to talk to him and give him the support he needed. But when they got there, Justin was embarrassed. He told them, “It was the alcohol talking; I’m fine.” Justin put his mask back on. And his friends, like me, thought he was safe. We believed him. In the beginning of May one of Justin’s friends stopped by one evening to check in. He found Justin in an emotional spiral, suicidal. The friend called another friend and they agreed they better call an ambulance. Justin was put under observation at the local mental health facility for 72 hours. I believe God gives us all second chances. This was Justin’s second chance. But I believe it is up to us to make the most of, and act on, those second chances. And tragically, Justin did not. He was embarrassed about being in the treatment center. He was furious with his friends for taking action and refused to get real and do any inner work while in the treatment center. In retrospect, Justin did exactly what I did for so many decades. When we are sick and hurting, we’ll say or do anything to avoid being exposed. Justin was imploding

HEART OF A CHAMPION 153 on the inside but could look cool, happy, and outgoing on the outside. He told the therapists what they needed to hear so they would dis- charge him. He wanted to go home. He put on his mask. Being a veterinarian, Justin had access to drugs. A couple weeks after getting out of the treatment center, he brought home an infusion pump and loaded a large dose of an anesthesia drug into it. Lying on his bed, Justin inserted and secured the IV needle into his vein and turned the machine on. Within moments, he was gone. I still don’t understand his thought process, or why and how he chose to commit suicide. I have tried to make just a little bit of sense from this event, but I can’t. The only thing I do know is that he needed help for his mental illness a long, long time ago. His suicide did not just happen. After leaving my parents’ that morning, I called my counselor, Julie, and left a message for her to call me. I had committed to asking for help, and I was going to use that strategy now to avoid spiraling down- ward. I knew my boys, Hunter and Roper, needed a strong mom to help them process and work through this tragic event. I needed to be there for them. While I sought help, it was very difficult to watch my parents struggle. They did not want to talk about it or get counseling. I understood. I did not push. We all grieve and live life in our own way. But they had an overwhelming amount of sadness that I knew would never leave them. I made the decision to write and deliver the eulogy at Justin’s fu- neral. There were over five hundred people in attendance. He was loved by all his family, friends, and clients. Justin was friends with people from all walks of life. He was a caring and innovative veterinarian, al- ways striving for a better way to serve his patients. The funeral was thick with sorrow. I knew it would be. But I wanted to celebrate his life and share stories that highlighted his kind, compassionate, and generous soul. He had a great sense of humor. I started by saying, “I am Donene Taylor. I am Justin’s sister. Justin would tell you I am his favorite sister.”

154 DONENE TAYLOR The silence was broken with some laughter. Everyone knew that is how he rolled. The next several months were full of emotion as I worked through all the stages of grief. It was the first time I actually felt all the emotions I was feeling. I refused to stuff my feelings this time. For a few weeks I thought I had a heart condition because I felt pain in my chest. My heart was tight and full. My body felt so heavy and zapped of all energy. I was scared. I even told Julie, “I think I need to go to a cardiologist.” I learned I did have a heart condition—I was feeling all the feelings in my heart. I never felt that before. I am con- vinced that had I not done the work recovering from my eating disorder and OCD, navigating this tragic event would have been far, far worse for me, Stan, and the boys. I made the decision not to stay stuck. I kept moving forward even if it was at a shuffle, a snail’s pace, at times. I thought about Justin every day after he died—and I still do. When I hear a new song or see a new movie, I often think, ‘Justin would really like this.’ There is so much good in life, and I often think, ‘Man, he is missing out on some very cool things.’ I wish he was here. We will never stop missing him.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 155 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK DO YOU HAVE COURAGE TO TAKE OFF YOUR MASK? If I hadn’t found the courage to take off my mask, my life would have turned out much differently. I’m so grateful I did the work to re- cover from my mental illness. I never re- gretted my decision to do the work. It was an essential step of my journey to help me move in the right direction to- wards becoming the best version of myself. This journey never ends as long as we can still take a breath. Instead of learning how to effec- tively communicate our feelings, thoughts, or emotions, many of us wear a mask. It can be tempting to try and control or manage how we are perceived; to put how others view us ahead of our own, real feelings. But wearing a mask is destructive on many levels. Taking off the mask takes courage, but life is better for it. “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” — HARRIET BEECHER STOWE, AUTHOR

156 DONENE TAYLOR “Not everyone can be a World Champion.” Towards the end of 2012, I roped at an event in Fountain, Colorado. I did alright, winning second in the Average. You may be asking yourself, “How do you Win second?” Well, this is how my elite inner circle of rodeo friends and I talk. My perspective is, World Championships are won one dollar at a time. Each dollar won is a win. I believe this is a positive perspective; focusing on giving it our all, doing our best and being committed to the process even if first place is not won. I was staying committed to my goal and intentionally working on my four commitments—but I was still very inconsistent in my roping. When the roping was over, one of the girls’ dads walked over to me while I unsaddled Todd. Out of the blue he said, “You know? Not everybody can be a World Champion.” I stood there for a moment, with a smile plastered on my face. “Yeah, yeah,” he went on. “Not everybody can be a World Cham- pion and your horse is alright, but he’s not enough. And some people like you; some people like you just do this stuff for fun.” I was listening to him and it stung. It stung deep. I felt tears start to well up and I told myself, ‘Don’t you dare cry in front of this guy.’ He kept talking and I just stood there, listening. When he finally took a breath, I said, “Well, it sure was nice visiting with you. I’d better get my horse taken care of and head on home.” He turned around and walked off. The moment he was out of sight, the floodgates opened. I had one of those big, ugly cries, the kind where you can’t see because your eyes are full of tears and you’ve got snot running out of your nose. The whole nine yards. I got my horse taken care of, crying all the while. But at the same time, I started thinking, ‘That guy, that guy don’t know me. That guy doesn’t know what’s in my head. That guy doesn’t know what’s in my heart or what’s in my spirit.’ Shortly after, I called Stan and told him what happened. Stan

HEART OF A CHAMPION 157 reminded me of all the reasons I could be a World Champion. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about! You are going to be a World Champion,” he said, adamantly. I hung up the phone and I thought, ‘Yeah. That guy doesn’t know what he just did. I will prove him wrong. I will be a World Champion.’

158 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT TO WIN? I never felt anger towards the guy who told me “Not everyone can be a World Champion.” At the time I ques- tioned why anyone would say anything remotely like that. But looking back, if I feel anything towards that fellow, it would be gratitude. I’m grateful to him because he made me question myself. He made me ask myself: ‘How bad do I want it? How bad do I want to win the world?’ And my answer was, ‘I really want to win it.’ When we are truly committed to accomplishing a goal, we will be tested… a lot. If you have a bold goal, a challenging goal, just know the tests are coming. Tests are built into the process of accomplishing your goal. Tests will come in all shapes and sizes. They will be disguised and concealed as struggles, obstacles, and challenges of all kinds. Some- times they will come in the form of people who say you can’t do it. Each test we pass, no matter how long it takes, helps us build en- durance and shapes our character. Each passed test encourages us to have hope and take the next step forward. Live with courage, follow the desires of your heart, and do not let the opinion of others define who you are or what you want. Develop an

HEART OF A CHAMPION 159 elite inner circle you can trust; everything else is just noise. Pursue your goals unapologetically. Keep doing ‘you,’ because you do ‘you’ best. “When people seek to undermine your dreams, predict your doom or criticize you, remember, that they are telling you their story, not yours.” — CYNTHIA OCCELLI, AUTHOR

160 DONENE TAYLOR It Will Take Hard Work The first time I ever saw Chester was on Lari Dee’s Facebook page. In January 2013, she posted a picture of a horse. In the picture, Chester was saddled and tied to a horse trailer. I learned that Lari Dee had trained Chester, and PRCA World Champion, Trevor Brazile, was going to ride him at the Fort Worth Stock Show in the tie-down roping. Later that day, Trevor won the Sr. Division on Chester during the Quarter Horse Show. I couldn’t stop looking at that picture. I found myself incredibly drawn to that little horse. I knew I’d never be able to afford a horse like him. But still, I kept on looking. I said, to myself, ‘This is what a great horse looks like. This is a horse that great ropers rope on. Someday I will have a horse like this.’ I was right about one thing: Chester is indeed a great horse. I did some research and learned that Chester’s registered name is Puss In Boots. He was sired by High Brow Cat and his dam was Smart Whittle Wena. He was an embryo transfer colt. There were big dreams attached to Chester before he was even born. Chester was meant to be a high- performance cutting horse who would go onto sire great performance horses. However, Chester didn’t take to cutting and he was unruly and unmanageable as a stud. He was gelded. His owner, Paula Gaughan, asked Lari Dee if she thought Chester could be a rope horse prospect. Lari Dee said, “Let’s find out.” The answer was absolutely yes. As a rope horse, Chester found his call- ing. He loved running down calves and his big sliding stop was spectacular. Meanwhile, I was entering year two of my three-year contract. I was sticking with my existing strategies: 1. Uphold my three-year contract 2. Be addicted to positivity 3. Ask for help, and 4. Get out of my comfort zone.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 161 In addition, I’d developed two new strategies to keep me committed to my commitment: 5. Eliminate the word “try” from my vocabulary and replace it with “do” and, 6. Execute the 3 steps of performance change: develop awareness, develop strategies, and take massive action. My awareness was already growing, and I knew I needed to do something different to change the way I was roping. I began to strate- gize. I decided I would go to three tie-down roping schools over the next three months. So, that’s what I did. I went to schools instructed by National Finals Rodeo tie-down roping qualifiers. They were all great schools where I got to rope and tie a lot of calves. But when the last school in March was over, I realized that not a lot had changed with my roping or riding. I was still making a lot of the same mistakes. I was still very inconsistent with my roping. I had developed the awareness that I needed to make changes, I developed strategies, and I took the massive action but not much had changed. I sat down and asked myself, “What is the common denominator? Why did I not make a huge improvement like I anticipated I would?” The answer came to me. I was the common denominator. I needed to change. And not just a little bit of change—I needed something big. I needed an ‘extreme makeover.’ I got on the internet and searched for ‘Lari Dee Guy Roping School.’ I could not believe what popped up. Lari Dee was instructing a roping school in Cheyenne, Wyoming in April at the Riata Ranch. I signed up that day. I was so excited at the prospect of learning with Lari Dee. In

162 DONENE TAYLOR addition to being a great roper, I knew she was also a phenomenal in- structor. She’d coached Jackie Hobbs-Crawford. She was also the one Trevor Brazile reached out to for horses and coaching when he needed help. I’d once read an article in the Western Horseman that said some professional ropers called Lari Dee Guy the “Secret Weapon.” I took going to Lari Dee’s school very seriously. Before the school started, I asked myself, “What am I going to do differently this time?” In response, I came up with five non-negotiables—things that I would hold myself accountable to during the school. The first one was, ‘When I go to her school, I’m going to give up all my old ways. All my old ways of roping and riding and thinking.’ My second non-negotiable was, ‘I’m going to do whatever she asks me to do. Whatever she tells me to do, I’m going to do it.’ The third non-negotiable was, ‘I’m going to trust her. No doubt, no questioning. I’m going to trust her.’ In retrospect, those were three smart non-negotiables. Unfortunately, I also made two other ones that, looking back, don’t make much sense. The fourth non-negotiable was, ‘When I leave Lari Dee’s school, I’m going to be able to rope just like Lari Dee.’ And the fifth one was, ‘When I leave Lari Dee’s school, I’m going to have the entire skill set I need to win the World.’ Now, the first three were process-oriented expectations, but the last two were all about outcome. They were things I couldn’t control. It would take some time to realize my mistake. The two-day school wound up being a roller coaster of emotions. As I started the school, I was at the top of the roller coaster—all excited. Then, as I we began practicing, I learned that I wasn’t holding my rope right. My swing was horribly incorrect, and I wasn’t releasing my rope properly. Lari Dee got busy correcting the use of my left hand. Sud- denly I was sailing right to the bottom of the roller coaster. After lunch, I was back on top again. We were going to rope the roping sled. I thought, ‘Now, I know I can ride. I’ve been riding since I

HEART OF A CHAMPION 163 was two years old.’ But when it was my turn, Lari Dee gave me all kinds of corrections: “Drop your legs. Sit down, quit leaning. Keep contact with the bit, left hand, left hand, sit down.” There was so much I was doing wrong, it seemed. I knew I needed an extreme makeover, but I didn’t realize that this is what it would look like. Next we moved on to roping live calves. I’m a hopeless hopeful, and I was back on the top of the roller coaster. I thought, ‘I know I’m going to catch some calves.’ And I did catch some calves. I practiced letting go of my old ways, practiced roping the way she wanted me to rope, and practiced the way I was supposed to be riding. But I couldn’t let go of my expectations and really be in the moment. I felt like I was starting from scratch. Once again, I fell to the bottom of the roller coaster. By the end of the day, I was hopeful, thinking that tomorrow, it would all gel together. Of course, the next day did not magically transform me into a better roper. By the end of the day, I couldn’t catch anything. Not a thing. I felt desperate and disappointed. But at the end of the school, Lari Dee gave me an award for ‘Most Improved Student.’ ‘Now, why would she do that?’ I thought. And then I realized, she saw me giving up all my old ways. Lari Dee didn’t see me trying, she saw me doing. She saw me committing. She saw that I was in it to figure it out. I wouldn’t quit. I went home, and I still couldn’t catch anything. I roped for a week, but it still wasn’t good. I wasn’t catching. It was clear I needed more help, more deliberate practice. I told Stan all about it. He said, “Why don’t you call Lari Dee and see if you can get some lessons?” I wasn’t so sure. “I don’t know,” I said. “Lari Dee is busy. She won’t have the time.” “If she doesn’t have the time, she’ll tell you she doesn’t have the

164 DONENE TAYLOR time.” Hesitantly, I called Lari Dee and asked if she had the time for me to come down and take a couple of lessons. “I will make the time,” she agreed. About a week later, I drove the 18 hours down to Lari Dee’s ranch. The plan was to invest two days taking lessons with Lari Dee and Hope Thompson. It was my first time really getting to know Hope, but I knew she was a great roper. She was the 2008 National Intercollegiate Rodeo Champion in the Break-a-way Roping, and assisted Lari Dee at her roping school in Cheyenne. We started my lessons by tracking calves up and down the arena on our horses. I worked on horse position, body position and the angle of my rope. Hope and Lari Dee loped up and down the arena, giving me instruction and encouragement. Before lunch on the first day, I was already catching calves—and from there things got progressively better. At the same time, I became aware of just how slow and tedious the process of improving my roping would be. I couldn’t expect myself to walk out of a two-day school rop- ing like Lari Dee. I was like Michelangelo, slowly chipping away with his mallet and his chisels. I left Lari Dee’s ranch feeling like I was making progress. I decided to lean in and learn even more. In June I attended another of Lari Dee’s schools. This one was in Buffalo, Wyoming—just a couple of hours from my house. Jackie Hobbs-Crawford was there too, helping Lari Dee. The experience was inspiring. It made me want to keep learning and getting better. A couple weeks after the school, I called Lari Dee. We talked about horses, and she suggested I get a smaller horse with a shorter neck. She

HEART OF A CHAMPION 165 believed a horse like that would be a better fit for me and would make a difference to my roping. She also agreed it would be a good idea for me to have two horses. As the conversation started to wind down, there was a pause. With- out warning, I blurted out, “Lari Dee, I want to win the World in the tie-down roping.” At first, she didn’t say anything. There was silence on the line. “Do you think I can do it?” Lari Dee paused. “I’m not going to tell you that you can’t do it,” she said. “But in order for you to do it, it’s going to take a lot of hard work.” Now, I know what my ears heard, but my heart heard, “I’m going to be a World Champion.” I knew in my heart that I was going to do it. Because I knew that hard work was not a problem. ‘I can do hard work,’ I thought. I hung up the phone knowing I was fully committed. I was all-in.

166 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK WHAT ARE YOUR NON-NEGOTIABLES? Getting really clear what I will and will not accept from myself helps me stay committed to my goals. Drawing a line in the sand, stepping across it, knowing I will not go back to the old me… that was absolutely trans- formational. Believing in your process and trust- ing it even when you don’t see imme- diate results is scary, uncomfortable and can shake your confidence. But it’s at that moment that we learn who we really are and what we are made of. I’ve held onto those same first three non-negotiables: 1. Let go of all my old ways; 2. Do everything I’m asked to do; and 3. Have unquestionable trust, Each time I have begun to learn anything new or started working with a new coach or mentor. What are the non-negotiables you are willing to commit to? Who might you transform into, if you stick with them? “If you work hard enough and assert yourself, and use your mind and imagination, you can shape the world to your desires.” — MALCOLM GLADWELL, AUTHOR

HEART OF A CHAMPION 167 Live with No Regrets My mom had not smoked for over 20 years when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. The diagnosis came shortly after Justin’s death, in 2012. I was 48; Mom was 70. During her year-long battle, Mom completed all the rounds of chemotherapy and followed the doctor’s protocol. Cancer is cruel. It metastasized to her bones, and at the end, to her brain. She fought a strong and brave fight. This was the first time I had experienced cancer in such an up close and personal way. It was life changing for me on so many levels. This time, when my “heart condi- tion” came back I knew what it was: I was feeling my feelings. Mother-daughter relationships are diverse. As I develop relation- ships with other women, I find it interesting that we each have had our own unique relationship with our mothers. With that being said, my relationship with my mom was complex. I truly loved her with all my heart. Our relationship was full of ups and downs and fueled with the full gamut of emotions. We both were so much alike, but we both were so incredibly different. It took my mom being sick for our relationship to begin to heal and get real. Mom lived a little over one year after she was diagnosed with lung cancer. I am grateful we both had courage to make some changes. I consider that one year a precious gift. We took off our masks more than we ever had. She and I still held back, but our relationship, espe- cially the last couple of months, was the best it had ever been. One of the most impactful conversations we ever had was a couple weeks before the cancer metastasized to her brain. I sat next to her as she laid in bed. We were casually visiting, and suddenly Mom said, “If I got to do it all over again, I would do it differently.” I felt so much pain and sadness hearing her say that. I thought, ‘My mom has regret from how she lived her life.’ She didn’t expand on her statement and I didn’t ask her, “How so?”

168 DONENE TAYLOR or, “What do you mean?” I knew better than to pry. Sometimes I wish I would have, but I think I did right by not asking. On July 27, 2013, Mom died. Many people attended her funeral. I gave the eulogy. I shared with eve- ryone how much my mom meant to me and Justin. I shared how much her friends and coworkers meant to her. I know she loved us with all her heart. With help from Julie, I kept moving forward. Once again, it was a shuffle, but I was not going to stop.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 169 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK ARE YOU LIVING YOUR LIFE FULLY, SO YOUR GIFTS WILL NOT DIE INSIDE OF YOU? After Mom died, I made a decision. I was going live my life fully and die with my tank empty. I was not going to live or die with regret. I was going to quit playing small. My mom gave me a gift that day when she spoke of having regret. She inspired me to go all out and not hold back as I pursued my dream to win the World. I decided I was not going to look back while on my death- bed and tell my family, “I wish I would have lived my life differently.” I was not going to die with my gifts still in- side of me. I am still committed to that. How about you? “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow! What a Ride!”” — HUNTER S. THOMPSON, JOURNALIST AND AUTHOR

170 DONENE TAYLOR “You have to work at it.” Towards the end of September, I went to a roping in Stephenville, Texas. There, I won third in the tie-down roping. Lari Dee was there, riding Chester. I thought Chester looked so cool while he was working. And it was amazing to see how well Lari Dee roped. I knew that she and Trevor were partners on Chester, and she’d mentioned that at some point, they were going to sell him. I couldn’t help but hope that maybe one day Chester could be mine. After the event was over, I went up to Lari Dee. I asked her, “What did you think of my calf roping run?” She told me frankly, “You have to work at it, Donene. You know how hard I work at it.” I popped off, “I am working at it.” Lari Dee didn’t say anything back. As I drove home, I realized she was right. I knew I was not doing eve- rything I could. Unknown to Lari Dee, I had just sat with my mom for a couple of months and just buried her, so of course I was not improving. This was a small but significant moment for me. I finally got real with myself. I realized that my dream was going to take much more work and investment than I had been giving it. I thought I was working hard, but I had not even scratched the surface.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 171 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK – WHO DO YOU NEED TO BECOME? At this time, I was beyond inspired, motivated, and determined to win the World. But what I needed to be was disciplined. I needed to develop a plan and then stick to it—to do what I said I was going to do. I needed to stop living on my inten- tions and begin living through my ac- tions. It’s a long drive from Texas to Wy- oming, especially by yourself. As I drove home, I had a lot of time to think. I decided to think of this goal, this mission, as a journey. I realized that in order to win a World Championship, I needed to become a World Champion on the inside too. It was going to take more than just being able to rope and tie calves. I decided to focus on my personal development: physical, mental and spiritual. I would start by taking my physical strength and condi- tioning to new levels. I would begin implementing and using the men- tal performance strategies that I was reading about. I would explore and deepen my spirituality. In order to have more I was going to need to become much, much more. Does what you want to accomplish match up with who you are be- coming on the inside? Go ahead and set bold goals and know what you need to do to reach them. But just as important, know who you’ll need to become. There may be people that have more talent than you, but there’s no excuse for anyone to work harder than you do.” — DEREK JETER, MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYER

172 DONENE TAYLOR Ride Your Good Horse First In October 2015, Todd got really sick. He acted like he was going to colic, so I hauled him the four-hour trip to Sturgis, South Dakota to see Dr. Ismay. Dr. Ismay told me he thought Todd would recover 100% and I would be able to take him to the Finals in Waco, Texas, next week. Doc said to leave Todd with him for a couple of days, just to be safe. I was so relieved. I told Todd, “I’ll be back in a couple days to bring you home.” But shortly after, Todd’s health spiraled downwards and Todd needed emergency colic surgery. The surgery is a big undertaking and expensive—$12,000. I hoped and prayed for the best. After the surgery, Dr. Ismay called me. The news wasn’t good. Todd still wasn’t right and there was no indication he would get better. He was having violent episodes of pain that were very dangerous for him, and everyone around him, because he would throw himself around on the ground, kicking about. His parasympathetic nervous system was not working properly. It broke my heart, but our choice was clear. I told Dr. Ismay that I wanted to be there when we put Todd down. Doc wasn’t sure if that was a good idea or not, but I’m pretty headstrong and I wanted to be there. I drove the four hours back to Sturgis. Just a few hundred feet from the vet’s office I pulled into a truck stop and called my counselor, Julie. When she answered, I let it all out. “Why is this happening to me?” I cried. “What have I done wrong? Why do I deserve this?” Statements like these hadn’t come out of my mouth for a long time, but in the moment, they all came rushing back. Julie was kind and patient. “It’s nothing you’re doing,” she said. “Things like this happen. It’s not personal, it’s life, and it’s going to be okay. It’s sad, it’s terrible and it’s messy but you’re going to be okay.” I cried my eyes out in the middle of that truck stop. It was the ugly

HEART OF A CHAMPION 173 cry again—tears, snot, the whole thing. I thought about how much I loved Todd. I even had a perfume I would buy for him. It was called “Addict.” And I loved the way that perfume smelled—kind of a woodsy, musky smell. It was an expensive perfume, the real deal. The first time I put it on, I went out to ride Todd and he seemed to enjoy it. So, I put it on whenever I would go out to ride him, and he would nuzzle me and smell me. It’s funny, I wasn’t putting that perfume on for Stan, I was putting it on for my horse. When I got to Dr. Ismay’s, he took me back to where Todd was being kept in a stall. I went in and talked to Todd. I reminisced about the times we had together. I told him how much I appreciated him, and how much I loved him, and how he was a blessing in my life, and how I was so sorry all this happened. I rubbed him, and gave him a hug, but he was irritated. I could see he didn’t want anybody around him. He tolerated me, but it was different. He went back to the back of the stall and faced his head towards the wall. I scratched him a little and left. Dr. Ismay and staff were very compassionate. Doc assured me he would bury Todd on his ranch in a beautiful spot and they would treat him well. They understood how much I loved him. It’s hard with horses. I get very emotionally attached, and I have such respect and compassion for them. Horses have taught me so much about life, and Todd was no exception.

174 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK ARE YOU LIVING YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR EMERGENCY BRAKE ON? I’d had Todd for six years, but I was always trying to save him, trying not to use him up. I wanted to be gentle on him, so I would always have him. I wish I would have roped on him more. I’ve since learned: you cannot control the future. Believe me, I’ve tried. In fact, I’ve tried really, really hard. For years, I lived life with my emergency brake on, holding back. I’d been trying not use Todd up, so he’d last longer, but it didn’t work. A much better strategy is to focus on what I can control. This where I have the most power, influence, and impact. Where our focus goes, our energy flows. I’ve learned to have present moment focus. Get clear on what I want, be where my feet are, and go for it. I now ride my good horse first. Life is unpredictable, so live life like you mean it. Unlock your emergency brake and get after it. “Life changes when you least expect it to. The future is uncertain. So, seize this day, seize this moment, and make the most of it.” — JIM VALVANO (AKA ~ JIMMY V), ARTHUR ASHE COURAGE AWARD RECIPIENT

HEART OF A CHAMPION 175 “Find a way.” All the adversity I’d been facing in my 49th year was teaching me the importance of asking for help. I was certainly getting lots of chances to practice strategy number three (‘Ask for help’.) At this point I was still working my six strategies: 1. Uphold my three-year contract 2. Be addicted to positivity 3. Ask for help, and 4. Get out of my comfort zone. 5. Eliminate the word “try” from my vocabulary and replace it with “do” and, 6. Execute the 3 steps of performance change: develop awareness, develop strategies, and take massive action. I decided to build on this by adding a new strategy to the list: Number 7: Develop an elite inner circle. The idea was to have a core group of people I could trust and rely on. I knew I was definitely going to need some help. It was October 17th. The 2013 WPRA World Finals were a week away, and I had no horse. Luckily, my inner circle was already showing up for me. The phone rang and on the other end was Lari Dee. A friend of hers, Mr. Chick, had a horse for sale in Salado, Texas. After I visited with Mr. Chick, it sounded as though his horse could be a fit for me. I headed out to Salado wearing my Diana Nyad T-shirt that says, “Find a way.” Diana Nyad was the first person to ever swim from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage, and she accomplished her dream at 64 years old on her fifth attempt. As I felt the pain of all my grief from the past year, and all the challenges that still stood in my way – no horse, the Finals around the corner – I said to myself, ‘Find a way.’ I arrived at Mr. Chick’s ranch two days later and he introduced me

176 DONENE TAYLOR to his horse – Carlos. I saddled Carlos and roped three tie-down calves. It was definitely a fit. I rode Carlos over to Mr. Chick, with a big smile on my face, and said, “I’ll take him!” The plan for the next day was to drive to Lari Dee’s ranch. While there, Lari Dee would give me a couple of lessons before the Finals started. Excitedly, I gave Lari Dee a call and told her, “I’m on my way with Carlos!” But I couldn’t help asking Lari Dee about Chester too. “Can I try Chester to see if he is a fit for me too? Would it be possible to buy him?” In my heart I knew in order to win a World Championship I’d need not one, but two great horses. And my intuition kept calling me to Chester. “We can visit about it when you get here,” she said. When I arrived at Lari Dee’s she broke the news to me; no one was riding Chester. He was recovering from an injury. Lari Dee and Hope had both been planning to ride Chester at the Finals and, with the com- petition just days away, they were both scrambling for replacements. I wasn’t the only one facing challenges. Before then, I’d never really seen Lari Dee struggle. I’d only seen her when she was in her element. Everything just seemed to go her way. In this moment I saw how she navigated adversity. There was no blam- ing, no complaining, no victim mentality. There was only a constant positive attitude, strategizing to solve a problem, and a never-give-up mentality. She took the situation in stride. I did my best to do the same. I roped on Carlos and had a good Finals. Actually, I had the best Finals I’d ever had up to that point. I placed in a couple of rounds but ended up one hole out of the Average. I was gaining momentum. It had been a tough year, but I never backed down: I pushed through adversity over and over

HEART OF A CHAMPION 177 and over again. This was brand new territory for me. It felt gratifying. At the end of the Finals, Lari Dee was the 2013 WPRA World Champion Header in Team Roping. Hope Thompson won the World in the Breakaway. And Jackie Hobbs-Crawford won the Tie-Down Roping and All-around. After the awards ceremony, I scooted my chair over to Lari Dee. “When can I come to your place and try Chester?” I asked. “I’ll let you know when he’s better,” she said. Then she added, “You know, Trevor has someone who wants to try Chester, too.” My heart started pounding hard and fast. I wanted Chester to be mine. She went on, “You know, Donene, I don’t know if Chester will make a difference in your roping. I don’t know if having Chester will change your roping much at all. It’s not only about having a great horse, you know.” She paused. “We’ll see what happens.” “Okay,” I said, nodding. “I get it.” But my mind was racing. “I appreciate you letting me come try Chester,” I said. “I am going to work on my roping the whole time Chester is healing up.” I went home and got to work. While working out and practicing at home, it soon became clear that something was wrong. My shoulder was tired and sore after I got done roping and tying calves. My arm started to constantly ache. I went to bed with it feeling really sore. Every night I went to bed hoping that a good night’s rest would do the trick. Each morning I’d workout as usual but after each workout my shoulder would just get tired and start hurting again. I denied it for a week or two. But I already knew what was wrong. I just didn’t want to admit it. Reluctantly, I went to Dr. Gorman, who sent me to get an MRI. After

178 DONENE TAYLOR being in denial, I was now desperate to know for sure what was going on. The MRI report was faxed to me and I drove into town to pick it up. As soon as I got back into the truck, I read the report. My fears were correct: my rotator cuff was completely torn again. I drove the couple miles home, and immediately went into the barn, taking the report in with me. There I sat down and read it more thor- oughly. I read it again and again. While I let the facts settle in my mind, I started roping my dummy. “Dang it!” I yelled. “What am I going to do?” Stan came by the barn and I read him the report. “I can’t believe this,” I said. “I’ve ordered my dream horse trailer, and that’s on its way. I’ll be getting the call to come try Chester soon. I mean, this is the year I am going to win the World. Last time I did physical therapy for five months. What am I going to do?” After my outburst, I took a breath. I knew I wouldn’t give up. I started to strategize. “What can we do?” asked Stan. “Okay,” I said. “Okay, maybe if I could try Chester before I get surgery, I could pay for him and leave him at Lari Dee’s. Maybe I could even pay Lari Dee to keep Chester in shape and working, so he’d be ready for me when I’m released from physical therapy.” Stan agreed that might work. “Let’s see what the doctor says.” The doctor had both good news and bad news for me. The bad news was that he didn’t think my arm would bounce back from surgery like it did last time. The good news is that he recommended physical therapy rather than surgery. I went back to my physical therapist, Emily Cook. I explained to Emily my goals for the season and that I wanted to go try Chester. “When is the first big competition you want to go to?” she asked. I explained it was at the end of April in Clovis, New Mexico. “We can get you ready for that,” she said. I told Emily I needed to rope. She told me that roping would be fine,

HEART OF A CHAMPION 179 but just to rope a couple of times a day. “We need to back off and not overdo it,” she explained. “If we let it rest now you will be ready. Think about it: you can rope a lot now, or you can be ready to compete in April.” I got the message. I needed to slow down. This was much better than having surgery, and I trusted Emily. I thought, ‘If she says this will work, then I believe this will work.’ My job now was to be a good patient and follow her advice. In January, I got the call from Lari Dee. I could come and try Chester, at last. Boy, was I excited. I headed off to her ranch to try out Chester, and another horse she had for me to try. As I rode the first horse, Lari Dee watched me and gave me some coaching. She told me she could see that I’d improved and noticed some positive changes in my roping, even though I was still nursing my injury. On the first horse, I roped well and caught every calf. But I knew I would not be buying that horse. There was no doubt in my mind I was leaving with Chester. Chester is sorrel in color, with a very unique white blaze on his face, and two white socks on his hind legs. He’s a small horse; I measured him at 13 hands. Right away I thought Chester was perfect. He re- minded me of Domino. I was struck by how fast Chester was, especially for his small size. Just like Domino. Bigger horses would have nothing on him. It was also clear, that Lari Dee had trained him really well. It was obvious to me that Chester is something special. He has swagger, and presence. I knew right away he was the horse for me. After riding Chester, a bit, Lari Dee asked me, “Which horse do you like best to ride?”

180 DONENE TAYLOR Without hesitating, I said, “Chester.” “Why?” “Chester feels like he is broke better. I like how he moves.” I began to do some roping on Chester. And I missed. Then I missed again. And I missed a third time. Then I caught one calf—just one. After that, I had to stop. I couldn’t rope too many because my arm was still recovering. “It’s not a fit,” said Lari Dee. I was devastated. I knew she was right, but I wasn’t ready to admit it. I took a break and called Troy, giving him the low-down and telling him how it all played out. He knew how much I wanted Chester. But he agreed with Lari Dee. “Sometimes it’s just not a fit,” he said. Lari Dee said the first horse was a good fit for me. So, I took him to the vet in Weatherford, but he didn’t pass the pre-purchase exam. I brought him back to Lari Dee’s. Lari Dee knew how deflated I felt. I couldn’t hide it. Before I left, she said, “Let’s keep looking for a horse so you’ll be ready to go when the rodeo season takes off. I’ll keep looking but you have to look too. If you find one, I’ll fly up and look at him with you.” Here I thought I’d be bringing Chester back home with me. In- stead, I was going home with an empty horse trailer. It was a long, lonely drive home. After the disappointment with Chester, there was no denying it: things were not going according to plan. Todd had died, I had a torn rotator cuff, and now I couldn’t buy the horse I’d had my heart set on. But I was playing differently now. I stayed positive. I kept hanging up signs with inspirational quotes and phrases in my barn. I consistently

HEART OF A CHAMPION 181 began listening to and watching videos of Eric Thomas, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Brené Brown, Tony Robbins, Les Brown, Earl Nightingale, Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn and a dozen others. I continued reading mental perfor- mance books. I took the stance that I was moving towards my dream like a mission, a target. I was strategizing and executing the plans I’d made. I was taking action. One thing was for sure, I was going to keep investing in myself. I was seeing the investments I had made the last couple years start to pay off. I also knew that sooner or later I was going to run out of time. I’d be turning 50 my next birthday. I felt the urgency of getting older. I knew my life did not have an unlimited supply of opportunities. I didn’t know what menopause would hold for me, or how my body would change. I had to seize the day. I was definitely “skeered but doing it anyway.” I never lost the scared, the fear, the doubt. However, my why, my reason, was much larger than the fear. I refused to shrink from the ‘skeered.’ I was going to stand up to it. I was still committed to getting two horses. I knew that in order to win the World Championship, I’d need two. I had Carlos, but I was still going to find another horse even if it didn’t work out with Chester. What happened next felt like a blur of momentum. When I got home from Lari Dee’s I cold called CR Bradley—a renowned horse trainer, clinician and NFR qualifier. Mr. Bradley was confident that the very horse I was looking for belonged to Tyson Durfey. (Tyson since became the 2016 PRCA World Champion Tie- Down Roper.) CR told me that Tyson was contemplating selling Rusty—the horse Tyson rode at the 2013 NFR Finals in Las Vegas. Before I knew it, I was in Weatherford, Texas, trying out Rusty. Rusty was 19 years old, a red dun, and all business. I never missed a calf on Rusty. After I roped three calves, I told Tyson, “I’ll buy him! Roping on Rusty is so easy.” On Valentine’s Day, I bought Rusty. I was happy, but I still

182 DONENE TAYLOR couldn’t get Chester out of my head. Before heading back to Wyoming, I gave Lari Dee a quick call. “Has anyone bought Chester yet?” I asked. “No.” “Could I come try him again?” I asked. “I know I can rope on him better. I just need a second chance.” “There are a couple boys already in line to try Chester,” Lari Dee said. She assured me if they passed on him she would call me first. On the way home with Rusty, I stopped in Limon, Colorado to rope at a tie-down roping. There, it finally happened! With Rusty, I made my first two nine-second calf roping runs. I was beyond elated. I’d started visualizing a nine-second run back when Hunter was three years old and Roper was three months old. My boys were now 20 and 17 years old. It took a while, but I finally did it! As I drove home, I replayed those two runs over and over again. I thought about how far I’d come. I smiled to myself and cried tears of joy the entire way home. On March 6, I drove down to Colorado to pick up the horse trailer I’d ordered for myself six months ago. It was a 2014 Bloomer 3 horse trailer including a 13’ Outlaw Conversion living quarters; all the bells and whistles included. I’d customized it to a tee—it was truly my dream trailer. On my way to pick it up, I got a text from Lari Dee, inviting me to rope on Chester again. I thought, ‘This is definitely one of those “Best Days Ever!”‘ I headed to Durant, Oklahoma to Lari Dee’s school to try out Chester and get some coaching from Lari Dee. I was convinced I would be tak- ing Chester home. But on the drive to Durant, I got nervous. I told myself, ‘I must be able to ride Chester properly, or I know Lari Dee won’t