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HEART OF A CHAMPION 183 let me buy him.’ When I got there, it felt great to be back on Chester. But once again my roping didn’t go as planned. I caught some calves but missed more than I caught. Sure, I was doing better than last time, but it was still a struggle. I was overcome with frustration. I’d had it all figured out in my mind how to ride him. And once again, things weren’t going according to my plan. Seeing my frustration, Lari Dee came over to me and Chester. I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn’t help it: I was going to cry. I tried to hide my face from her. “Look at me,” she said. I couldn’t do it. I felt like such a little kid. I adjusted my cinch, trying to bide some time. She repeated herself, more firmly. “Look at me.” I looked her. “It’s not that bad. You are riding him. Don’t panic. Okay?” “Okay,” I said. After that, we tried again and Lari Dee stayed persistent as she coached me. We continued working on issues I had, like how I was using my left hand. I wasn’t keeping it in sync with my right hand, and it would shift and move back as I roped. As a result, I didn’t have proper momentum or control. Lari Dee also noticed that I was leaning for- ward, and I needed to drop my legs. All these things would be issues for me to keep working on. It was cold and wet; I could feel the chill inside and out. My roping got a bit better over the day, but I was still so disappointed in myself. When the school was over, Lari Dee went back to her vehicle. I walked over with a cashier’s check in hand, but I didn’t know how this was going to go. Would she still let me take home Chester? “Get in,” she said. I climbed in and sat next to her in the warm car. “You’ll need to go back to Trevor’s to get the health paperwork for Chester,” she said. “Ask Trevor if he’ll sell you the saddle, he’s been

184 DONENE TAYLOR riding Chester with, since yours doesn’t fit.” I agreed. I handed her the cashier’s check. It was for $60,000—more than I had ever invested on a horse, more than I ever imagined investing on a horse. But I knew Chester was worth it. Lari Dee took the check. She was on board. Chester was coming home with me.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 185 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK HOW WILL YOU FIND YOUR WAY? Having my 7 strategies—including my three-year contract—helped me hold myself accountable, and it was une- quivocally working. I was gaining momentum and seeing results because I had been consistently working these strategies for two years. It did not happen by accident. I had been making small, smart, consistent choices daily, investing in my personal development. Looking back on how I made things happen, it all started with not quitting. Reading about amazing people like Diana Nyad gave me the playbook and taught me how to never give up. When things get hard, ask yourself: How can I find a way? “Never, ever give up. You’re never too old to chase your dreams. It looks like a solitary sport, but it’s really a team effort.” — DIANA NYAD, AUTHOR, MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER AND LONG- DISTANCE SWIMMER

Chapter 7 My Kingdom for a Horse I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. It’s hard to explain why Chester meant so much to me before I even really got to know him. I couldn’t prove that the investment I made in Chester would pay off. It was a feeling. I was following my intuition, trusting myself. That $60,000 horse reminded me of my $350 pony, and I loved them and treated them both the same—as if they were family members. I’d grown exponentially from having Domino in my life, and I just knew Chester would do the same for me, even though I did not know

HEART OF A CHAMPION 187 exactly how or what it would look like. I’ve always worked hard to give my horses the best life possible. I know some people think of their horses only as a tool, as a means to get to where they want to go. Of course, I needed Chester to get where I wanted to go, but it was also about emotional connection. My horses are family to me. Heck, Domino and Chester would have lived in the house with me if that were possible. That’s just the love that I have for them. I’ve always had a connection to animals and felt a real appreciation for my roping calves too. I do whatever I can to protect them. For ex- ample, while practicing tying my calves from the post, I would wrap their legs with vet wrap to protect their legs. We’ve had lots of pets in our family—dogs, cats, rabbits, hamsters and goldfish, and we’ve loved them all. But my horses, that’s something real deep. I hug them and talk to them; I pray for them. They mean so much to me. Horses have always been my lifeline, and Chester would be no different.

188 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK –WHAT’S YOUR LIFELINE? A lifeline is defined as something that is indispensable to maintain, protect, or save a life. Horses have always been my lifeline. Horses have changed the direction of my life numerous times. They have been in- strumental in my growth and survival. When I’ve spiraled down into depres- sion it’s been when I didn’t have a con- sistent relationship with my horses. At times, horses gave me the rea- son to get up and start my day. Horses helped me recover from my mental ill- nesses. Horses are the integral part of my journey to help me continue to become the best version of myself. Through my horses I have also developed relationships with phe- nomenal people I would never have met otherwise. Even though I didn’t know it initially, Chester would be the driving force behind “my why”—the reason for changing my roping mechanics. Chester and Domino not only helped me compete better, they helped me grow myself to new levels of personal development—physically, emo- tionally, mentally, and spiritually. They helped evolve me as person. Horses are my go-to in times of stress, anxiety, chaos. They help me express my creativity. And they are my comfort on every sensory level. They have always been involved in my deepest spiritual moments. We all have that something in our lives—that lifeline—that helps us keep going. What’s yours? “Whoever said money can’t buy love never owned a horse!” — UNKNOWN

HEART OF A CHAMPION 189 Joy Is in the Journey The summer of 2014 was a real rodeo summer for me. I had recovered from my injury, and I had two great horses. After a tough year, it felt like things were finally falling into place. My dream was to go all out and do a Fourth of July rodeo run. A Fourth of July run was something I’d dreamed of since I was a little girl. Some people dream of going to Hawaii or overseas to another country. My dream was a little different. In the weeks leading up to the Fourth of July, I roped at a handful of events with varying results. Sometimes I’d do really well, other times my game would just fall apart. For example, at a big WPRA rodeo in Hamilton, Texas, I won second in the break-a-way roping. Lari Dee won it. My prize was $1,500—the most I had ever won since Cherokee, Oklahoma back in 2007. But at the next roping in Shawnee, Oklahoma, my mindset fell apart. I was really tired, I started thinking, ‘What if I don’t rope today like I did yesterday?’ Or, ‘What is everybody going to say when I don’t do as well today as I did yesterday?’ I lost my self-belief before I even got started, and as a result I wasn’t roping as sharp as I had been. I also had this problem where Chester would go left, instead of stop- ping straight behind the calf. I hadn’t figured out how to fix that yet. On June 7th, I went to another roping in Torrington, just a couple of hours from my house. I roped well and won fourth. Dad was there to watch me. A couple weeks later I went to Buffalo, Wyoming, which is a couple hours from my house. Again, I caught one and I missed one. Incon- sistency was my game. I needed to come up with a plan for my big Fourth of July run. I decided to go to eight rodeos between June 27th and July 6th. I headed out to Kiowa, Colorado, on June 27th. I left early in the morning to rope in the break-away that evening. There, I just flat out missed my calf.

190 DONENE TAYLOR After that, I loaded up Chester and Rusty and drove to Abiquiu, New Mexico. I left at 10:00 in the evening and drove all night to arrive around 6:00 in the morning. It was a crazy drive, and I probably shouldn’t have done it, but I did. Then I was up at Abiquiu on June 28th, in the slack at 9 am. That rodeo was a two-header, meaning you can enter twice in the break-a-way. I roped on Rusty once and Chester once, but didn’t do well either time. After the slack, I loaded up and I drove to Taos, New Mexico, where I spent the night. I was up in the slack in Taos, 9 am, the next morning. Once again, I rode both horses—first on Chester, then on Rusty—and once again I didn’t do well. I missed and I broke out. Not good. As I drove down Taos Mountain my brakes started malfunctioning. I knew I had a problem, so I took my time. I drove straight through to get home. Once home, I took my trailer to the shop to get the brakes repaired and I invested two days practicing, putting in the time. Two days later, we got back on the road. Hunter jumped in the truck with me. At 20 years old, he was a great support, and helped me drive. Our plan was to go to five more rodeos over the Fourth of July weekend. Early in the morning on July 2nd, we arrived at Canadian, Texas. I roped in the slack that morning. Finally, I roped well. I ended up splitting fifth and sixth there with Jackie Hobbs-Crawford and I won a check for $245. From there, we drove to Amarillo, Texas. That night I roped on Rusty. I caught but was too slow and didn’t place. Next up, Wellington, Texas in the morning slack. I roped on Ches- ter and caught again, but I was too slow and didn’t place. The next day it was the Fourth of July. We drove to Graham, Texas. It was one of those big, ultimate calf roping events—a big deal. Lari Dee and Hope were there; all the tough ropers came out to this event. The first two rounds I was doing well. I was thinking, ‘things are going good.’ But then, I broke out in the third round—I received a 10 second

HEART OF A CHAMPION 191 penalty because I left too early. Afterwards, I talked to Lari Dee about it and she said, “Well, you are trying to win. You didn’t do anything wrong; you are just trying to win.” I consoled myself that I’d roped him really sharp and I didn’t tear down the barrier, I just left a little early. After that, Hunter and I loaded everything up and drove to Alli- ance, Nebraska. I roped well at Alliance on July 6th; I caught but I was too slow again. I wasn’t way slow on all of my calves, but just out of the money a little bit. And that was it. From Alliance, Nebraska we drove home. That was my big Fourth of July dream, and I’d done it. My prize was only $245, but the adventure was more important to me. I had never done that before—a trip that long, that many rodeos, competing with excep- tionally high-caliber women. On the drive home, I felt proud of myself. Powerful. Capable. After decades of not trusting myself, here I was. Believing in myself, making my own decisions, and trusting my own intuition. There had been times, especially in the beginning of this new leg of my journey, that I just wanted to be told what to do. There were times when I asked Stan and Lari Dee, “What should I do?” “What road should I take? Where should I stay? How many calves should I rope? What rope should I use? Should I go to that rodeo?” At different points along the way, they had both flat out told me, “I’m not telling you what to do.” At first, I was confused as to why they wouldn’t just tell me what to do. I thought, ‘What the heck? Why not? Why are they being mean to me?’ But now it all made sense. This was my journey, not theirs, and they both believed I was fully capable of making decisions. They

192 DONENE TAYLOR believed in me. I had to do the same. In the beginning, when I had problems or concerns with my truck or trailer, Stan would say, “I don’t know anything about it.” The first few times, after I got off my cell phone, I was a little frustrated at Stan! But then I would go seek out someone who could help me, a dealer or shop, and figure it out. I finally got it: no one could capture this dream for me. I had to do it myself. I stopped asking Stan and Lari Dee for their opinions and made the decisions on my own. Of course, I made mistakes. But this process had also taught me to accept my weaknesses more. When I messed up, I would tell myself, “It’s OK, I can figure it out.” I learned that if I got on the wrong highway and got lost, I could figure it out and get on the right highway. I learned that I could U-turn my 50’ rig around on a two-lane highway. I could find a safe place to stay at night and get to where I needed to be when I needed to be there. All my years growing up, I thought I needed my dad. I thought I couldn’t do this on my own. But simply by doing it, I learned that I could. Being on the road alone or with just my sons was one heck of an education. When you’re on the road, you learn to be self-sufficient and you need to get comfortable asking for help. You use your people skills to do things like locate the fairgrounds ground manager to come open up some stalls when your horses need a place to rest and lay down. Or when you’re in the middle of nowhere and you need to get someone to come help you change a tire on your trailer that’s full of horses. I learned how to troubleshoot truck and trailer malfunctions. I got over being shy and self-conscious; I let go of my pride and ego. I learned to keep find- ing a way, so I could keep moving forward. I used to cry when any type of adversity hit. In the beginning, I would contemplate going back home. Time on the road helped me learn to stay calm and grow through it. Most of all, it showed me I could do it. It taught me to trust myself.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 193 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK –WHAT DO YOU THINK? I was really shocked when Stan and Lari Dee would tell me, “I’m not telling you what to do.” For years I just did what everyone told me to do whether I agreed or not. I assumed their opinion was better than my own. Taking responsibility for my deci- sions and actions allowed me to trust myself more. And trusting myself led to some unexpected benefits. I stopped expecting perfection and started be- lieving that my best was good enough. I also began to loosen up and stop tak- ing myself so seriously all the time. When I made a mistake, I would laugh at it rather than belittle myself. I was becoming my true, authentic self. The real Donene was coming out of her cocoon. I made so many mistakes, but I took responsibility for each of them. I corrected them and learned from them. I finally realized that my mis- takes do not define me. The mistakes and the learning were an im- portant part of my journey. I trusted myself to adapt, survive, and most importantly, thrive. We all have the right to trust ourselves. To make decisions that we believe in and take responsibility for the actions we take. So, the next time you want to ask someone else for their opinion, or their direction, ask yourself: “What do I think?” “The ultimate reason for setting goals is to entice you to become the person it takes to achieve them.” — JIM ROHN, AUTHOR AND MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER

194 DONENE TAYLOR Talk Less, Say More The 2014 WPRA World Finals were my best finish yet. I rode Rusty and I missed my first calf, but then I won third in the second round. I won fifth in the third round, and third in the fourth round. I rallied back and ended up sixth in the Average. Though it was my best showing, I still wasn’t where I wanted to be. And at the end of the awards ceremony, I walked over to Lari Dee. “Hey,” I said. “I still want to win this tie-down roping.” She nodded. “Yeah.” “So, what do I do? What do I need to work on? What do I need to fix? What do I need to change? Lari Dee paused. “You know,” she said. “After you left with Chester in March, I never saw you.” She didn’t have to say anything else. I knew exactly what she meant. I had quit working on me. I hadn’t followed up for any lessons. I’d quit showing up. I thought that having my “Dream Team” of horses would make all the difference. It had definitely made a difference, but it wasn’t every- thing. The horses could not pick up all my slack, my deficits. And meanwhile, I’d stopped going for lessons, I’d stopped improving my roping, riding, and horsemanship skill sets. She didn’t need to say anything else. ‘Okay,’ I thought. ‘I messed up. But I’m going to figure this out.’ As I drove home from the Finals, I took stock. My three-year con- tract was up. I reflected on all I had accomplished over the past three years. I was nowhere near the same roper, woman, wife, mother, or friend that I was when I first signed the contract. When Justin died, when my mom died, when Todd died, when I reinjured my shoulder… all of those could have been reasons to quit. It was my commitment to the three-year contract that kept me moving forward so I could continue to grow.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 195 I reviewed the strengths that I’d built for myself: • I’d become addicted to positivity. • Asking for help was becoming my superpower. • Being uncomfortable was becoming a lot more comfortable. • I kept strategizing, finding a way, and taking massive action. • And I knew my elite inner circle had my back. I said to myself, “There’s no way I’m quitting now.” I re-negotiated my contract for one more year. When I got home, I made a vision board. I hung it on the wall, in my barn, right next to where I saddle my horses. I was still all-in. And I was going all out.

196 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK ARE YOU WAITING TO GET TO THE FINISH LINE? Here’s a secret: there is no finish line. I will always be working on my skill sets: mechanical, technical, horsemanship, com- petitive, personal development. I will never have everything I will need in order to be successful. Tie-down roping is hard, and I know I will never fully master it. That is why I love it! If Lari Dee, or any World Champion, would have stopped evolving after they won any of their World Championships, they would have never won another one. The bar is consistently being raised. The athletes that continue to work on themselves each and every day are the athletes that will con- tinue to succeed. So, how are you continuing to show up for yourself? Here are 5 Navy Seal Sayings that kept me showing up for myself every day: “The only easy day was yesterday.” – Every day will demand more of you. Each day you will need to work harder. “Winning knows no finish line.” – You will never arrive. Keep moving forward each day. “Be someone special.” – You need to work every day to be someone special. “You don’t have to like it; you just have to do it.” – Sometimes you will need to lean into the uncomfortable. Act differently than how you feel. “It’s all mind over matter. If I don’t mind, then it doesn’t matter.” – Going against the grain compared to what others are doing, despite the risk involved, is just what you do when you are passionate about attaining your goal.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 197 Permission Granted In 2014 (and other years too) I invested a lot of time training, rodeoing, and out on the road. I was lucky to have the support of my family, and I knew it. Some people have asked me how I could have chosen to run down my dream over the comfort of my own home. They’ve wondered… • How could I run down my dream over raising of my kids and being there for them every day? • How could I run down my dream with the uncertainty of what it would look like? • How could I run down my dream with the uncertainty of what would happen while I was gone? • How could I run down my dream with the uncertainty of what it would look like when I got back home? • How could run down my dream, investing that much time, en- ergy, effort, resources into myself? • How could I run down my dream? Didn’t I feel guilty, selfish, self-absorbed? But I was not leaving because I wanted to escape; I was leaving with trust and confidence. I knew Stan had my back. I wasn’t running away; I was running towards a dream. It wasn’t always easy. I remember when the boys were small just how hard it was to juggle it all. When rodeo season began, reality hit me. I had a lot on my plate working full-time, being Stan’s wife, and Hunter and Roper’s mom. I was also committed to working out, prac- ticing, and competing. At times this was challenging, hard and diffi- cult. I did not expect to be consumed with feelings of guilt, shame, and fear of coming up short as a mom. One morning when my kids were small, I had a visit with my friend

198 DONENE TAYLOR Tina. She was athletic and a competitive golfer; we had some common- alities. She asked me how the kids were and how the rodeoing was go- ing. I found myself unloading on her. I explained that it was much more difficult than I thought it would be. I admitted I worried about messing up my kids by working and rodeoing. Then Tina spoke some very profound words to me. She said, “Your kids need to see you do what you love. They need to see you run down your dream, be passionate about life and work for what you want.” She added, “You cannot teach them that, they need to see it. You would do them a disservice if you didn’t run down your dream.” I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. Tina was giving me per- mission to live my life. This was the very thing I was looking for. With- out realizing it, I’d been waiting for someone to give me permission to do the things that fulfilled the desires in my heart. I referred back to that conversation many times over the next two decades whenever I would second guess myself, need a pep talk, or need permission to live my life wholeheartedly. As I went out on the road in 2014, I didn’t look at it as leaving my responsibilities at home. I still had my Mom duties, and I made sure everyone had what they needed. Sometimes I got calls from the school, and whatever it was, between Stan and I, we’d take care of it. Whether it was lunch money, or permission slips or, in one case, Hunter skipping class. Life happened, and we made it work together. Stan was, and is, the best team player ever. At 50 years old I was finally fully launching myself into a journey that I had been preparing for 36 years. I was ready. I had been waiting to be ready for 36 years. It was time for me. Stan knew it, and my boys accepted and supported it. I loved my family and I knew they loved me. Love was not on the table to lose. Of course, I’d call home every day. Sometimes multiple calls. I’d tell Stan and the boys, “I’m driving in the middle of nowhere. I’m lonely. Talk to me!” I’d still check in, I’d just check in a bit differently. Pursing my mission as I worked to attain my goal was both selfish

HEART OF A CHAMPION 199 and selfless. I didn’t look at pursuing my mission as making sacrifices, I looked at it as trading. I was trading my time and effort to become the best version of me. What did my family get? My family got a better me. My family got a wife and a mom who was willing to pursue her dreams with all her heart. A stronger mom, a courageous mom. A mom who understands that failure is part of our stories on the way to success. By pursuing my dream, I was also in a better position to understand and support the unique dreams of each person in my family. I was be- coming a mom who encouraged independence and adventure for her kids and husband. And a mom who will get in the dirt with her family through all the hard stuff. I made a lot of mistakes on this journey and I did not get it right all the time. But the process taught me a lot about what it means to keep doing the work and keep showing up, as a better person, wife, and parent.

200 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK ARE YOU LOOKING FOR PERMISSION TO INVEST IN YOURSELF? I don’t believe the time I invested in myself—whether working out, focusing on personal development, practic- ing or competing—was completely self- ish. I believe the time, effort, and re- sources I invested in myself allowed me to give more of myself to others. Investing in yourself allows you to do better at life. I’ve had situations in my life when I should have acted or said something differently. Looking back, I’ve asked myself, ‘Why didn’t I handle that situa- tion better?’ My answer is: ‘In that moment I did my best, I just did not have what I needed to give inside of me, yet.’ We can’t give what we do not already have. If you are looking for permission to follow the desires of your heart, I want you to know, you have it from me. I am grateful to Tina for giving me permission. I have never regretted following it! “Whatever you would have your children become, strive to exhibit in your own lives and conversation.” — LYDIA H. SIGOURNEY, POET

Chapter 8 Strong Women Empower Women I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. In January 2015, I called up Lari Dee and asked her if I could invest a couple of days at her ranch, to get some lessons and get Chester a tune-up. She agreed. On my first day out there, Hope, Lari Dee, and I were to- gether in the barn. Lari Dee started us off with a drill: we would trot up to a stationary roping sled and rope it. It looked easy enough and we all took a couple turns. Lari Dee watched me intently.

202 DONENE TAYLOR On my third rep, I trotted up to the stationary sled, delivered my rope, missed the calf and let Chester fade out to the right. I didn’t drive him in behind the sled or hold him in position. I let Chester do what he wanted to do. Lari Dee sat on her horse, watching the whole thing go down. After my turn, she looked me in the eye and said sternly, “Look how you let Chester veer to the right. You are not in control of Chester. You need to put him where he needs to go.” Then, one of my biggest fears started to play out. Lari Dee said to me, “I am not tuning up Chester for you, you’ll just mess him up again.” I stared back at her. My heart was pounding, my chest tightened up, and I could feel my eyes fill up with tears. I thought to myself, ‘But that’s the reason I came all the way down here: to get Chester tuned-up so I can win this winter.’ I tried hard not to cry but I wasn’t hiding it very well. With my voice cracking, I said “I understand what you are saying Lari Dee. I appreciate you saying that, but that really hurts my heart.” I didn’t know what else to say. I nodded my head up and down, and told her, “I will do better, I promise.” Lari Dee sat still on her horse and looked me in the eye the entire time. After a pause, she said, “Alright.” We went back to the drill. This time I felt shaken. Something in- side me had woken up. I instantly began riding Chester with purpose and intention. I drove him where I wanted to go. I started using my feet and my left hand, correcting Chester when he tried to do things his way. Lari Dee could see the change. “You’re doing a better job,” she com- mented. Several times she called out, “You are the Captain of Chester!” Under my breath, that entire afternoon, I repeated her words to myself: “I am the Captain of Chester!” That day wound up being one of the best practices I’d ever had. I

HEART OF A CHAMPION 203 was in charge of each run. I realized it was my responsibility to get into position. I had the ability to drive Chester where I needed to drive him. After we did our chores, we all went into Lari Dee’s home to eat dinner. I had no idea that one of the biggest revelations of my life was about to take place—and not on a horse, but in Lari Dee’s kitchen. Lari Dee proceeded to cook us some great burgers for dinner. Af- terwards, as we gathered around her breakfast bar, Lari Dee carefully cleaned the griddle she’d just used to cook dinner. Her cleaning process was very thorough. She wiped it down and spiffed up every corner. As she cleaned, Lari Dee turned at me and said, jokingly, “You probably aren’t OCD like this, are you Donene?” “I know a lot about OCD, Lari Dee,” I blurted out. “I’ve been to rehab two times for it and an eating disorder.” The room went silent for a second. I thought, ‘Oh my gosh, I just let the cat out of the bag. What am I going to do?’ After a brief pause, Lari Dee turned to Hope, and said, “Hope, I told you that there was something about Donene. I just I could not put my finger on it.” Her tone wasn’t judgmental, it was validating. Like she knew I was a little bit different in some way, and now she was connecting the dots. It opened up an honest conversation. Lari Dee asked me about the OCD and the eating disorder, and she accepted my answers without judgement. I answered her questions honestly. Through it all I felt an overwhelming sense of empathy and compassion. As our conversation wrapped up, I confided to Lari Dee how long I had been dreaming of and working towards winning the World. “Why has it taken you so long?” she asked. “No one has ever asked me that before,” I replied. Then I paused. I searched my mind for the truth. Finally, I answered, “I was not the captain of my life.” I paused. “But now I’m changing all that.”

204 DONENE TAYLOR At the end of the evening, Lari Dee said to me, “If you would have told me that you had won the World in the tie-down, I would have thought, well that’s alright, that’s nice. But what you just told me to- night, that means more to me. Overcoming your disorders is a bigger accomplishment than winning the World. You’re really strong for over- coming it.” Her words really caught me off guard. For my whole life, winning the World was the ultimate goal. I thought winning the World would make me worthy. Worthy of having friends like Lari Dee and Hope, worthy of being loved, worthy of loving myself. In an instant, Lari Dee put it all into perspective. It took me awhile to completely embrace what she was saying, but the seed was planted.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 205 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK DOES YOUR SELF-WORTH HAVE STRINGS ATTACHED? It is imperative to place value on yourself for who you are, not for what you do. For so long, how well I competed greatly influenced my self-worth, self-es- teem, and self-image. It took me time to learn that roping is what I do—it is not who I am. Once this sunk in, I began detaching my self-worth from how I competed. It did not happen instantly, but over time my self-worth, self-esteem, and self- image began to rise up regardless of how I roped. I began valuing myself for who I was becoming, instead of who I used to be or what I was winning. This shift alone began giving me much more peace in my life. It became less about chasing something and all about the journey of becoming someone I’d never been before. My mission of winning the World was still very strong, but it had much more meaning, and purpose attached to it. The mission was part of the journey. The journey was something much, much, bigger than the mission of winning the World. “A gold medal is a wonderful thing; but if you’re not enough without it, you’ll never be enough with it.” — JOHN CANDY AS COACH IRV, IN THE MOVIE, COOL RUNNINGS

206 DONENE TAYLOR It’s All in the Details Before I left Lari Dee’s ranch in January, she sent me home with her calf roping sled. I’d never had one of my own before, and I was over the moon about it. When I got home, Stan bought me a 4-wheeler to pull the sled, and we hired Roper on as the 4-wheeler driver. Even on the coldest of days I invested time roping the sled, even if it was stationary or at a walk. I focused on all the details and the feel of the movement. It was a brand-new way of training for me. I focused on the many coaching clues Lari Dee had taught me. They included: • Sit down and drop your legs • Quit squeezing with your thighs • Don’t lean • Keep contact with your lower legs • Ride like you’re sitting on a barrel • Put pressure on your big toe area of your foot • Keep pressure in your stirrups • Ride balanced, stay balanced • Keep in contact with the bit • Don’t drop your reins • Use your left hand • Use your legs • Open and close your doors • Keep your feet moving Lari Dee would also say, “Look over your horse’s head like a turkey looking over a log.” She had some good analogies. After I came home from her ranch in January 2015, I knew I was going to see her again in March at her school in Silesia, Montana. I didn’t want her to have to repeat the same cues again. I told myself I was going to improve my riding so much that she would feel compelled to comment on it.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 207 For about eight weeks—from the moment I got home in January until the school in March—I worked at it. It’s cold in Wyoming that time of year. Sometimes it was too cold to ride hard and to rope calves, but I would saddle up anyway and go to my shell of a barn and walk Ches- ter around, making sure I was following her cues. I practiced keeping full contact on the seat of my saddle (or, as I put it, “sitting on my girl parts”) dropping my legs, not squeezing with my thighs, not leaning, and staying relaxed. I would readjust my reins, keeping contact with the bit. While walking and trotting, I rode serpentines in my barn, practic- ing using my legs (“opening and closing my doors,” as Lari Dee would say) staying relaxed, and keeping my hands in the proper position. I closed my eyes and focused on the feeling. Periodically, I’d check in with myself: ‘Can I feel my girl parts on the saddle? Can I feel my lower legs in contact with my horse’s sides? Is the pres- sure on my big toe in my stirrups?’ I had been doing a lot of little things wrong. For example, I’d been riding with the weight in my stirrups placed on my pinky toes, causing me to lose contact with the sides of the horse. I should have had the weight on my big toes, allowing my inner calves to maintain contact with my horse. There were a lot of issues like this. I’d been leaning forward, and squeezing with my thighs, causing a lack of balance. At times I would have contact with my horse’s bit, sometimes I wouldn’t. My reins were not always in the same area. I had no idea what my left hand was doing. I was looking off to the side, instead of up over my horse’s head. All these little errors made a difference. I made a point to start tuning into all these small details. If someone were to stand and watch me practice in my barn, they would have won- dered what the heck I was doing. I was walking, I was trotting, I was zigzagging, I was talking to myself. Sometimes I had my eyes closed. It would have looked very weird, but I was focused and present, and tuned into my body.

208 DONENE TAYLOR I became fascinated with the whole process. I wasn’t bored one bit. I knew that in order to move forward with my roping, I had to be able to ride correctly. I had to be able to cue Chester the way Lari Dee had trained him. I had a deadline, too. I was determined to make progress by the next roping school. I wanted Lari Dee to know that all her time and instruction with me was not falling on deaf ears. I wanted to show her I was committed to everything that she’d been helping me with. Around this time, I also went to ropings in Colorado. I watched how the pro guys would warm their horses up, and I dissected and stud- ied what they were doing. As I watched them warm up, I made a movie reel in my head. When I got home after the ropings, I ran that movie reel and tried to emulate what I saw at the ropings with the guys. I kept up this intentional, intensive practice for two months. I never rode ‘just to ride’ anymore. I rode with a purpose—to ride like Lari Dee. I rode to improve, to get better—lots better. So much better that Lari Dee would have to notice. My deadline arrived. In March, I went to Lari Dee’s school at the Cottonwood Equestrian Center in Silesia, Montana. I never told Lari Dee what I’d been doing for the eight weeks since I’d last seen her. I was excited to show her what I could do. We warmed up our horses, we roped the sled, and later in the day we roped live cattle. And through it all, she never gave me any correc- tions or cues on my riding. That right there was a huge success. Later in the day, Lari Dee called me over. “I can tell you’ve really been working on everything since I last saw you.” Mission accom- plished. That’s what I’d been shooting for. Later on, Lari Dee needed someone to demonstrate to the other stu- dents how to ride out of the box. She picked me as the example. I’d never been picked to be one of her example students before. I was doing cart- wheels inside my head. I thought to myself, ‘I’m really onto something here.’ I finally began connecting the dots: all those small things I let slide

HEART OF A CHAMPION 209 consistently over the years compounded into negative habits. And those negative habits were keeping me from winning. My corrected body position while riding would affect everything I did when I was roping. It would affect how I scored my calves, left the box, the balance, angle and momentum of my rope, how I drove my horse into position to rope, delivering my rope and how I cued my horse to stop. Every small thing built on the next. Roping is full of building blocks. I just needed to keep putting each block on top of the other.

210 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK “ARE YOU SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF?” Are you ‘sweating the small stuff,’ as the saying goes? I hope so! Details matter when you have a mission to ac- complish. When I started gaining momentum, it wasn’t by accident. It was the result of a principle called The Compound Effect. The Compound Effect is just like compound interest: it means that small, consistent actions build on themselves to create bigger results. The more I practiced my new and im- proved habits, the more I began expe- riencing radical results. The changes caused a ripple effect that led to further improvement in other areas of my roping. When changing anything it’s very beneficial to break it down into small components. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, this is what I’d been doing by slowly adding additional strategies to my three-year contract. All those little things, practiced consistently, eventually add up. “It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.” — JOHN WOODEN, LEGENDARY BASKETBALL COACH

HEART OF A CHAMPION 211 “Short memory.” In April 2015, I went to another of Lari Dee’s schools—this time in Col- orado. With her help, I began focusing on improving the swing of my rope. I knew that improving my swing was essential. So, while I contin- ued working on my horsemanship, I doubled down on the time, effort, and focus I invested into my swing. One of the strategies I wanted to change was my need to get off on the left side. I used this strategy to help Chester stop straight, because my swing had needed work. But with Lari Dee’s help, my swing improved greatly, and I was finally get- ting off the right side. I was excited to put my new strategy into action at my next roping. On Memorial Day weekend, I went to rope at the Lazy E Arena in Guthrie, Oklahoma. I entered the roping feeling well-prepared and confi- dent. My calf was the pick of the litter. I had every opportunity for success. I got a great start and I caught my calf right out front. It was the perfect set up for me to step off the right side, as I’d practiced. But then my old ways took over and I stepped off the left. Big mistake. I had my jerk line set up to step off the right, and I had it set up with a lot of resistance. When I stepped off the left, the jerk line pulled me down, square onto my butt. Chester felt the jerk and immediately moved backwards. I struggled to get up. Finally, I got back on my feet, ran to the calf, threw him, tied him, and got back to Chester. At that point, Chester was almost in the roping box. Not surprisingly, I didn’t place. I came out of the arena, headed over to Lari Dee and told her how embarrassed I was, how awful I felt. She didn’t nod, she just shook her head. “Didn’t you see what just happened?” I asked. “No. Short memory.” I look at her confused, and she said it again, “Short memory.” I thought to myself, ‘How could she not remember what just happened out there? Didn’t she see how awful that was? How embarrassing that was? Doesn’t she know how important that run was and how much I prepared for

212 DONENE TAYLOR this roping?’ The roping finished up around 12:30 in the morning. I gathered all my stuff up and led Chester back down to the stall. It’s a hike back down to the stalls at Lazy E, and I was out there with my flashlight on. I cried the whole time, bawling my eyes out. By the time I got Chester taken care of and got back to my trailer I was all cried out. The next couple days I kept replaying the run over and over again in my mind. I knew I had renegotiated a ‘no quit’ contract with myself. But it still flashed through my mind: ‘Maybe I should just quit.’ When I got home, I went out to my barn, sat down on my bench, and asked myself, “What am I going to do?” I kept thinking about what Lari Dee said: “Short memory.” Once again, I replayed the run in my head. Then I looked up. My eyes rested on a big sign hanging on the barn wall that says, “The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.” I stared at that sign, letting the words sink in. I sat there for at least an hour. I was determined not to leave until I had it sorted out. And then it dawned on me. Short memory. Everyone is thinking about their own performance; nobody is thinking about my run but me. And I can let go of it too. ‘Besides,’ I thought, ‘the run wasn’t all that bad. On the positive side of things, I finished my run strong and never gave up.’ Lari Dee had never steered me wrong before. I knew her response to me was a message to let it go. So that was it. I was ready to move on. Afterwards, I felt good about my process. It only took me a little over 72 hours to get there. That was a record for me, as I used to stew on things for days and weeks. I saw it as a personal record. Less than 6 weeks later, I won the Rafter L Breakaway Roping in Amarillo, Texas over the Fourth of July. It was a tough roping, with many World Champions competing. I was coming back strong.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 213 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK HOW WOULD A SCIENTIST APPROACH THIS? Are you emotionally attached to your outcomes—such as how well you do at practice or in competitions? If so, I want to encourage you to adapt a scientist mindset. Letting go of past mistakes can be hard. It’s hard because we attach emo- tions to the mistakes we make. Emo- tions are what helps hardwire past ex- periences in our brain. Emotions are what make the ‘emotional roller coaster’ possible. Having a “short memory” is much easier when we remove emotions from our performance. (With one exception—the feeling of gratitude. Maintaining an attitude of gratitude is the healthiest of outlooks.) Lari Dee planted a seed in my mind when told me, “Short memory.” Eventually, I would learn a new strategy: Approaching my practices and competitions as though I were a scientist conducting a science experiment. Here’s how I did it. Each time I practiced or competed I put on my imaginary white lab coat, just like the one Albert Einstein or Bill Nye the Science Guy would wear. I was channeling my inner scientist! When a scientist does an experiment, they leave their emotions out- side the laboratory. When they do an experiment and they don’t get the results they want or expect, they get fascinated not frustrated, curious not furious, motivated not mad. They see the failure as a challenge. They accept the challenge as an opportunity to figure it out, find the lesson and do better next time. The challenge is what “sparks” them to stay engaged with the experiment. As I learned and applied this strategy, I no longer rode the dreaded

214 DONENE TAYLOR emotional roller coaster. Instead, I became an expert data collector. I began keeping a performance journal; just as a scientist maintains a sci- entific notebook. I used the Well, Better, How Method. I documented the following things: • Three things that went well • What I could have done better • How I could have done it better I was on a fact-finding mission. I was wanting to learn. Before I began practicing, I would say out loud, “Today we are go- ing to gather some data.” This scientist mindset changed not only my emotional response, but my goals themselves. I set specific performance goals for myself prior to practicing or competing. These goals, and my sense of success, were not solely focused on how many calves I caught, but how I was learning and growing. This scientist mindset can be summed up well with an equation. It goes like this: E + R = 0. This stands for Event + Response = Outcome. Each day, we experience many different Events. We may not be able to control the Events, but we can control how we Respond to each Event. It is our Response to the Event that we can use to greatly influ- ence the Outcome we receive. “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” — EPICTETUS, GREEK STOIC PHILOSOPHER

HEART OF A CHAMPION 215 Fail Beautifully Over the course of the summer I roped a lot and made some great progress. Lari Dee arranged for me to take a few tying and roping lessons with NFR qualifier, Scott Kormos. Scott is a great coach. He’s very patient, he takes time to explain why his technique works, and he breaks it down to the tiniest of details. He is known as one of the most technically correct tie-down calf ropers. He also happens to be one of the smallest calf ropers in the PRCA: 5’7” and 160 pounds. Learning the new techniques that work best with my smaller body frame improved my ground work exponentially. It took a lot of practice on my part to rewire and groove-in new neural pathways in my brain, but it was worth it. I continued to go to Lari Dee’s for lessons whenever I would travel to Texas to compete. In mid-October, I invested a couple days at her ranch before the 2015 WPRA World Finals. This was my tune-up be- fore the Finals. Before I left, I told Lari Dee, “This is it, I’m going to seal the deal.” I was so desperate to win, I teared up thinking about it. This Finals was “Special.” This was it. For me, it was now or never. Winning was everything. Stan and I went to the Finals together. It was pouring rain that weekend. Torrential rain, ankle deep in places. Everything was damp and cold. The calves were big, wild and smart at that event. In the first round, the calf got away from me. He just took off, and he headed toward Chester after I caught him. I yelled at Chester, and Chester backed up. I ran towards the calf and I got a slow fall on him, but my groundwork was solid. The whole run was a whopping 45.8 seconds. In the second round, I got dragged around, packed off, and my time was 34.4 seconds. I came back to the holding pen and started loosening up Chester, and the tears just came pouring out. I tried to be quiet and not let

216 DONENE TAYLOR anyone see me. I hung my head down so that no one would see what was happening. Then I heard a voice. “Hey.” It was Lari Dee. She was standing on the other side of Chester. I thought to myself, ‘Dang it.’ ‘She is going to see me having this meltdown.’ At first I tried to pretend I didn’t hear her. I kept my head down while I worked on loosening Chester up. “Hey,” she said again. I looked up, and she stepped in front of Chester and over to me. “Dry it up, Donene. Dry it up. It is not over yet.” I nodded and said, “Alright. Thanks.” I tried to get refocused but all I could think about was winning. This was supposed to be my “special year.” I could feel it slipping away. The next morning, I had my third round. I roped my calf deep and wound up catching his two hind legs. But I knew what to do—I had practiced this in my mind a bunch of times. I ran down the rope, took my knife from my pocket and cut my rope. Then, after I let the calf get back up, I nosed him down and finished my tie. I won sixth in that round. I had one more chance. In the fourth round I’d rope my final calf of the 2015 Finals. Before the next round, I went and checked the draw. He was big and wild, not a good match. At that point, I couldn’t hold back the tears, they were just coming out of me. I led Chester back to the holding pen, adjusted my saddle and tightened him up. I was a mess. The Finals were turning out to be nothing like I expected them to be, and I was an emotional wreck. But then I remembered what Lari Dee had said to me before: “It’s not over.” I started to think strategically. I thought, ‘I know I can get him caught, I know Chester will jerk him down. But I need to get there as he gets up and get the best block I can on him.’ My run came and I executed my strategy—I roped the calf sharp,

HEART OF A CHAMPION 217 ran down the rope, and got a solid block on him. I turned his head back as hard as I could and got a solid fall. I kind of fell down myself, because the momentum was so strong. My string, gather, and tie all came together pretty much like I vis- ualized it would. Actually, I was too aggressive, but I hadn’t been ag- gressive enough on all of the other rounds. I won sixth in the round, and I ended the Finals sixth in the Average. This was the first calf dur- ing the whole Finals that I actually strategized, and it worked. I ended this rodeo season as the Reserve World Champion Tie- Down Roper. Given the circumstances, this was a great outcome. But I was dev- astated. When it was over, I sat on the couch in my horse trailer with Stan and cried on his shoulder. Yet another big, ugly cry. I said to him, “Man, I left it all out there in the arena and I don’t know if I’ve got any more to give. I did my best... should I quit?” Stan responded, “I support you with whatever you want to do. But if I was you, I would go to every single one of these things next year, because look how much you’ve improved.” We headed back out for the awards ceremony. On our way through the stall barn we saw Lari Dee and stopped to visit briefly. My emotions were still fresh, raw, and real. I was just trying to hold it all together and not cry again. “It just wasn’t your time,” she said. I nodded slowly, but secretly I was confused. ‘What the heck is she talking about?’ I thought. ‘It was supposed to be my time.’ After the awards ceremony I got to compete in the bonus round. In the bonus round, they take the World Champion, the Reserve World Champion, and the top five women in the Average, and we get to make a final run for bonus money. This was the first Bonus Round I had ever qualified to compete in. I had watched all the other Bonus Rounds as a spectator. As I got ready to compete, the memory of the last few days faded. I became solely

218 DONENE TAYLOR focused on this run, this calf, this moment. It was a freeing feeling too, as Troy had put it years ago, “Just let my hair down and have fun.” The bonus round wound up being my best round of the Finals. And the calf I drew wasn’t a pup either—he was big. I got him roped, hustled down the rope, blocked him, and got him thrown. All the girls at the back of the arena cheered wildly. I tied him and threw my hands in the air. Everybody just whooped it up. I could hear and feel all the cheers. It was like everyone could see that I had struggled through the Finals and they were happy for me. Winning the Bonus Round with a 14.3 second run was a great moment at the end of a tough couple days. Ending the year, Reserve World Champion, wasn’t what I wanted, or what I had dreamed about, or what I had been working towards. I had really believed that 2015 was my “special year” to win it, and it didn’t happen on my timeline, once again. Still, I knew I wasn’t going to quit. I decide to renegotiate my con- tract for another year. After the Finals, I drove home by myself. Stan flew home to get back to work. The drive home gave me some time to think. I did a lot of reflecting on the Finals and the past year and began developing my strategy for 2016. I decided I was not going to blame the big calves, my “bad luck,” or the cold rainy weather. In the past, I would have blamed and com- plained. Not this time. No, it was time to own up to the real reason I had not won the World yet. I said to myself, “I have not won the World yet because I am not good enough yet.” I had definitely made a lot of gains and I had a lot of momentum working for me, but I’d still been lying to myself. I’d been telling myself I was good enough. I was not being real about where I really was with all my skill sets. It started to sink in what Lari Dee had meant when she said, “It just wasn’t your time.” None of this journey had ever happened on my

HEART OF A CHAMPION 219 timeline. I was only fooling myself to think I had control over when I would accomplish my goal. It became clear that I could not control the timeline. What I could control was how I participated in that timeline—how I worked towards my goal, how I participated in the process. I realized I needed to be patient, yet persistent. I was going to be relentless in doing all the work while I waited for it to be my time. As I drove down the highway, I decided to stop asking “Why me?” Instead, I asked myself a far better question. I asked: “What can I do right now that will help me close the gap, from where I am right now to where I want to be?” I thought about it carefully and I came up with some answers. For starters, I decided I would work with Troy Pruitt once a week. That would give me deliberate, deep practice throughout the week. And I decided to keep going to Lari Dee’s and attend as many of her schools as possible. That would go a long way to helping me close the gap from where I was to where I wanted to be. I decided to commit. I knew I had a lot more time, effort, and focus to give. I had not done everything I could to reach my goal. I was de- termined to keep chipping away, to do whatever I needed to do to be- come the best version of myself.

220 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL ABOUT YOUR FAILURES? Even though the 2015 World Finals were full of big ugly cries, melt- downs, and mistakes, I learned that I failed beautifully. I failed beautifully because of all the self-awareness I gained, the lessons I learned, and even though I got knocked down, literally and figuratively, I cou- rageously got back up each time. I began to embrace the fact that failing beautifully was part of the pro- cess that was built into this phenome- nal journey of becoming the best ver- sion of myself. Are you failing beautifully as you run down your dream? Failure is one of the most important parts of your journey. Don’t worry, the good is in there. You might just have to look closely to find it. “The hardest skill to acquire in this sport is the one where you compete all out, give it all you have, and you are still getting beat no matter what you do. When you have the killer instinct to fight through that, it is very special.” — EDDIE REESE, OLYMPIC SWIMMING COACH

HEART OF A CHAMPION 221 Jump off the Fence In 2016, at age 52, I delivered on my promise to improve my roping. I roped at Troy’s all winter, making the seven-hour round trip drive again and again. I took advantage of the opportunity to get in extra practice at some other ropings that did not count for the WPRA rodeo standings. And I went to Lari Dee’s two-day roping school in Silesia, Montana. There, Lari Dee and I made videos of each other roping so that I could go home and study them, taking note of the correct and incorrect way to swing my rope. My swing and my horsemanship continued to improve from all the de- liberate practice I was getting. I was gaining momentum—I could feel it. On March 13th, I went to a roping in Limon, Colorado. My first round was alright. I messed it up a little, but I caught the calf and tied him down. My second round was better, about 14 seconds or so. But when I came back from that run my pants felt different. I was sitting on Chester, trying to figure out what was going on, and I stood up a bit and looked down, and discovered blood all over my saddle. Not only was my saddle seat covered in blood, my pants were cov- ered too. I hopped off and loosened Chester up. I saw a guy standing nearby and I asked him to hold Chester for a minute. Then I slipped over to Zeke who was running the roping. “Hey Zeke, I need a timeout,” I said. “Please don’t turn my calf out.” I knew the third round was coming up and I didn’t want to miss it. Zeke agreed, and I sprinted to my trailer as fast as I could. I had no water in my trailer, because it was still winterized. But I had some baby wipes, and some extra clothes. I swapped out my messed up jeans with some fresh ones and I tried to get cleaned up. The whole time I tried to keep myself calm, saying “I am okay, eve- rything is alright. I got this. Stay focused.” I sprinted back just as the third round was beginning. I was set to go third, so I quickly reset my saddle and readjusted everything. I was ready just in time and Chester and I rode into the box and made a real

222 DONENE TAYLOR nice run at 11.11 seconds. I won that round. It was odd—the whole time I didn’t even think about this medical issue, whatever it was. All I thought about was roping. In the fourth round I tied my calf down good, and then I get a fifth calf and I tied him down great. I won the five-head average roping that day. I just kept rallying back stronger and stronger. I was so excited about how I did that it overshadowed the fact that something very strange had just happened. But I was upset because my saddle had blood all over it. As soon as we finished, I got a towel and some cold water and went to town cleaning up my saddle. At that point, I wasn’t even worried about my own health. I was just worried about my saddle. On Monday I called my doctor’s office. The nurse explained that since I was approaching menopause this kind of thing could happen. “It’s called ‘flooding,’” she said. “Well, I don’t want that to happen again,” I told her, not that she could do anything about it. “The blood got all over my saddle, and it could be quite a distraction. I mean, it wasn’t, but it could have been a real distraction while I’m competing.” “Well, it just kind of happens sometimes.” What could I do? I said “alright” and tried to accept it and move on. But by Friday, I was still bleeding, and I didn’t know what was going on. I kept working out—doing squats and deadlifts—but the blood was just crazy. I called the doctor’s office again and told the nurse what was going on. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t be so active,” she suggested. That kind of made me mad, but once again there was nothing I could do, so I hung up the phone and kept riding, practicing and work- ing out. I waited yet another week but still the bleeding continued. One week later, I called again. This time the nurse agreed that I’d better schedule an appointment. On April 6th, I woke up in a pool of blood. I kept this news to my- self, as I didn’t want Stan to worry. I waited for him to leave for work

HEART OF A CHAMPION 223 before calling the doctor’s office. The receptionist said she could get me in tomorrow morning. “No,” I said. “I am coming in this morning.” I got cleaned up and drove myself to Casper, which is about 25 miles from home. The nurse checked me out, gave me a referral for an ultrasound, and gave me some birth control pills to try to adjust my hormone levels. As I sat up and I stepped off the table, I suddenly felt lightheaded, dizzy, sick to my stomach, weak, and shaky. “Man, I don’t feel good.” They asked me if I could drive myself to the hospital, but I knew in that moment I could not. The nurse took my blood pressure and it had dropped dramatically. Shortly after, four firefighters came into the room and loaded me into an ambulance. One of the firefighters took my pulse. “What’s wrong with your heart?” he asked. “Nothing’s wrong with my heart,” I said. “Well, your heart rate isn’t very fast.” “I’m in good shape,” I tried to explain. But he wasn’t getting it. Even though I didn’t anticipate that this is how my morning would turn out, I didn’t feel stressed or anxious about the situation. I knew they’d figure it out and send me home. I was more focused on all the things I wanted to do that day. We arrived at the emergency room and the firefighter told the doc- tor: “There’s something wrong with her heart. Her heart isn’t right, it should be beating faster.” “I’m in good shape,” I said again. The doctor took my pulse and agreed. “She’s in good shape,” he confirmed. It wasn’t my heart. My blood pressure had dropped because I’d lost so much blood over the last 24 hours. The ER doctor would need to figure out why I was still bleeding. I stayed in the emergency room all

224 DONENE TAYLOR day while the doctors did various tests and tried to stop the bleeding. At five o’clock, I was still in the emergency room. I hadn’t called Stan yet; I’d felt fine as I lay there on the bed and hadn’t expected to be stuck in the ER all day. Throughout the afternoon I kept thinking, ‘I’ll still have time to rope my sled tonight.’ Then my doctor, Dr. Salvino, came in and said, “It could be cancer. This is what cancer looks like.” “It’s not cancer,” I said. I was sure of it. “It’s not. It doesn’t run in my family.” She said, “We will see.” Dr. Salvino said we needed to do a hysteroscopy D&C. This pro- cedure would allow her to diagnose the condition and slow down the bleeding. Before going into have the procedure I gave Dr. Salvino a stern warning not to do anything besides the scope and DNC. No surgery. “Don’t do anything else right now, because I have this goal,” I ex- plained. “I’m a tie-down calf roper and I’m working on winning the World Championship. I can’t have any down time right now.” She agreed. Before going in, I finally called Stan. I told him what was going on and assured him everything was fine—but I’d need a ride home after the procedure. Stan said he would be there. Once out of the procedure I was groggy but tried to make sense of what the doctor was telling me. “You have a tumor,” Dr. Salvino explained. “It’s not cancerous, but we need to do a hysterectomy.” With slurred speech I told her, “I got this goal. I am going to win the World. I can’t have a hysterectomy now. We can’t do that now.” As an alternative, the doctor suggested we try to keep the tumor at bay with meds. She put me on some high potency birth control pills to get the bleeding to stop. Four days after the procedure, I drove 6 hours back to Limon to rope. But I didn’t feel good at all. As I sat there on Chester, waiting to

HEART OF A CHAMPION 225 rope, I just felt empty. My insides were shaking. I was still fatigued, weak, and extremely anemic from all the blood I had lost earlier in the week. I thought to myself, ‘How in the heck am I going to tie this calf?’ It wound up not being a problem because I ran down three calves that day, but I never caught a single one. I never did step off Chester to tie one. I was a little upset but mainly I just felt physically awful. On Monday I called the nurse and told her, “I need to feel better, right now.” “What can you do for me?” I asked. She couldn’t offer much. “It will take time for your body to recover from the blood loss,” she explained. For the rest of that week I kept hoping I would feel better, but I didn’t. I would go saddle Chester in the barn and then instead of riding him I’d sit down on my bench. Each time I went out I’d wind up just tipping over and thinking to myself, ‘I just need to lay here and close my eyes for 10 minutes,’ and I’d lie down while Chester was tied to the wall. Nonetheless, I did not stop. Despite how I was feeling, things seemed to be coming together. Roper had his graduation in May, so that was a happy reprieve. Then, on Memorial Day weekend, I roped at the Lazy E Arena in Guthrie, Oklahoma. I faced the place where I’d had my embarrassing moment the year before, and this year, things felt different. My roping was now at an entirely different level. Despite my medical condition, I had a great roping and ended up winning second in the first round and finished second in the Average. I could feel a shift. It wasn’t the money I had invested in my truck or my trailer or even in my horses. It was partly my skill level, and my overall fitness level. I was tying really, really well. The shift was also internal. I could sense the momentum that was building, and it helped me to dig in even more and stay committed to doing all the work.

226 DONENE TAYLOR Meanwhile, I checked in with Dr. Salvino every couple of weeks. It seemed that after being on the high dose birth control pills for a couple of weeks my body would adjust to them and I would begin bleeding out again. The doctor would then put me on a higher dose and once again my body would adjust, and I would experience the same awfulness. I was on the fence for 8 weeks about whether or not I should have the hysterectomy. Finally, I realized I needed to jump off the fence and be de- cisive. I had two choices: either have the surgery or commit 100% and press on with the tumor and everything that came with it. I did not need anxiety, doubt, and worry about my medical condition setting up shop in my head. I made my decision. I said to myself, “Me and this tumor are going to go all-in and finish the season strong.” I would get the hysterectomy after the Finals in November. After I made my decision, I didn’t look back. Each day when I woke up, I wasn’t thinking about my medical condition, I was focusing on my mission. I never thought ‘why me,’ or ‘poor me.’ I made a conscious decision not to do any blaming, complaining or whining about it. But I was clear with myself. I thought, ‘If I don’t win the World, I am not going to blame it on this tumor. If I don’t win the World it is going to be because I didn’t rope well, or my mental game wasn’t good enough, but it’s not going to be because of this tumor.’ I made the decision to give everything I had, every single day, working out, roping, riding, and tying. I decided I wouldn’t talk about it, or focus on it, or do anything about it other than take my medication. I would keep moving forward each day with my progress. I told myself, ‘This is how it is, so I can get what I want in October.’ I stayed committed to my dream. I jumped off the fence.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 227 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK ARE YOU SITTING ON THE FENCE? Are your thoughts focused on worries, like ‘What if this happens?’ or ‘What if that happens?’ If so, I encourage you to replace your worry with a plan and make a decision to jump off the fence. Even if our decision or plan is not “the plan” that gets us to the destina- tion we want, it can help us move for- ward. We always have the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and grow from the mistakes we make along the way. We are all unique and engaged in our own journey. My decision, to put off the surgery, would not have been the right decision for everyone. No one could make this decision except for me. I was the one that would experience all the consequences, both good and bad. We do not want anxiety, doubt, fear, or worry to set up shop in our minds. Our thoughts are in the future when we focus on those things. We cannot control the future. However, a great strategy is to replace those things with a plan. We can control how we strategize and how we execute our plan. That part is up to us. “It doesn’t matter which side of the fence you get off on sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions.” — JIM ROHN, AUTHOR AND MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER

Chapter 9 Choose Your Focus Wisely I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. Ever since I left the Finals in Waco in 2015, I’d been asking my- self: ‘How can I close the gap, to get from where I am to where I want to be?’ I asked this question over and over. On Memorial Day weekend, 2016, I drove home from the roping in Guthrie, Oklahoma, over-the-top excited that I’d won second in the Average.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 229 I thought, ‘I am actually seeing the results of my hard and smart work.’ It was a very satisfying feeling. But even though I was making gains, I had the awareness that I had more work to do. So, I asked myself this question again: ‘How can I close the gap, to get from where I am to where I want to be?’ On the way home, it dawned on me. I became aware of what I was missing. I thought, ‘If I had a mental performance coach; I know this would be a game changer for me.’ When I got home, I started strategizing. The first thing I needed to do was research. I got on the internet and began looking for mental performance coaches. That’s when I found him. His name was Brian Cain. Brian is a highly regarded mental performance coach for athletes and in the corporate world. He is considered the best of the best. He works with very elite athletes and athletic teams in various ranks— Olympic, Collegiate, and Professional. I knew right away that I wanted to work with him. But before I reached out to Brian, I asked myself a question, ‘Can I afford to hire a mental performance coach?’ Then I asked myself another question, ‘Can I afford not to work with Brian?’ Within 24 hours, I unequivocally knew my answer and I took ac- tion—I called him. As soon as we started working together, I knew he was the right choice. Throughout my entire roping career, I often felt like I wasn’t in control. But in one of our first sessions together, Brian asked me an important question. “What can you control while you are competing?” he asked. His question caught me a bit off guard. “I don’t know,” I said. “I

230 DONENE TAYLOR can’t really control that much. I can control when I nod for my calf, I can control when I release my rope, and I guess I can sort of control my horse...he has bucked me off a time or two!” Then I started listing off all the things that I can’t control: the calf, the arena conditions, the score, the guy opening the chute, the pusher, the announcer, the judge, the weather, my horse (to a certain degree), the other competitors, and so on. Then Brian asked, “Well, can you control your attitude?” “Well, yeah.” I admitted. “Can you control your body language?” “Yeah.” “Can you control your effort?” “Yes.” “Energy?” “Yes.” “Can you control your emotions?” “Well, yeah, I can control my emotions.” “Alright, how about how you choose to engage your process?” “Yes.” “How you see things, perspective?” “Yes.” “Preparation, how you practice?” “Yes.” “Presence, what you are focused on?” “Yes.” “How about your self-talk’? We always want to keep it positive.” “Yeah I can control all that.” Suddenly I saw that there were a lot of things I could control. After that, Brian talked to me about focusing on the process rather than the outcome. I knew I was outcome obsessed. Every week I would look at the standings to see how I was doing compared to my compet- itors. I admitted this to Brian and right away he told me to stop looking

HEART OF A CHAMPION 231 at the standings because I had no control over them. Instead I needed to focus on the things I could control. He quoted Doctor Ken Ravizza, a world-renowned sports psychologist: “You must first control yourself, before you can control your performance.” That early lesson with Brian was powerful. I used to think every- thing happens for a reason. I stopped thinking this. Instead I started thinking, everything happens because of a reason. And that reason is often a choice I have control over. Brian gave me a framework for understanding what I can control. It’s an acronym—APE—and it changed everything for me. “APE” looks like this: A - My Attitude and My Appearance (body language) P - My Perspective (my point of view, how I see things), My Process (how I choose to compete), My Preparation, My Presence (focus), and My Positive self-talk E - My Effort, My Energy, & My Emotions Brian and I got working on my “APE” right away. After my first coaching session with Brian I already had two new strategies to help keep me committed to my commitment. Number 7: Keep My Focus on What I Can Control and What I Want to Have Happen. Number 8: Keep My Process Greater Than My Outcome. These strategies were a huge wake-up call for me. For so long, I failed at trying to control the things I could not control. Then I would be upset, frustrated, and spiral downward because I couldn’t control those things. With Brian’s help I realized that when I let go of control- ling my outcome, I actually gain more control over my process.

232 DONENE TAYLOR By letting go of controlling the outcome, I began to see that my focus shifts to the things I can control and the things I want to happen. Focus is power. Focus determines our future. I began telling myself dozens of times during the day, “Process over outcome,” or “It’s a process.” Learning to let go of the outcome and keep my focus on all the things I can control would take a lot of disciplined practice, but it would change my life—in and out of the arena.