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HOW DO I STAY IN SEMI-GOOD HEALTH?! I can no longer run. So, that’s really bad. I can’t watch what I eat, ‘cuz it’s all liquified. My accident decreased my strength … just a tad. Now, I blatantly favor my right side. Pre-accident, my metabolism was through the roof! My athletic accomplishments brought me much pride. My humor stemmed from my being a physical goof. If y’all laugh with me, I’d have to abide. … Just don’t f— with me. Don’t test my rage. A.J. 3.0 has finally realized that his accident was nobody’s fault. You’d think my patience would increase with age. … But my composure remains hidden … in a vault. Physically, I have three hour-long workouts a week. Mentally, I offer classes … for anyone to seek. 41

I MISS … PEOPLE I am very social. I like to interact. I have countless likes … but I may not tell others. I’m not very opinionated. I seek only fact. My athletic prowess my T.B.I. … smothers. Since I only state facts, there’s no controversy. I’m too cordial … to like confrontation. I prefer to discuss both sides of the issue. As a direct result of my T.B.I., I suffer condemnation. I used to talk up a storm. My personality was … resoundly liked. … that affinity was just the norm. Sadly, … I believe my friend number may have spiked. … Actually, the proper word would be peaked. Strangely, I didn’t frighten folks when I streaked. 42

SOCIAL SUBSTITUTES My supposed friends … all let me down. I tried using book of faces. I’ve always been the class clown. (audible sigh) Literally, there are now too big o’ spaces. Even though my speech is improving, … I dare not use the telephone. Sadly, to my ex-belle, my T.B.I. was unmoving. I shouldn’t blame myself. But, I’m kinda reaping what I’ve sewn. Alas! There is no sub. For as popular as pre-accident Altan was, There’s no way I deserve a leg snub! Oooooh! I get it! This happened because … My limits can’t be known, ‘til I am tested … And doubtfully bested. 43

WHY IS IT?! I can’t help but be a riddle. I’m tough … to explain. But I’ll side with science. When I walk to urinate, I make sure to not just piddle. Falsehoods & i: there’s just no compliance. Nearly every outsider mistakes me for a lazy stigma. But, my leg nerves are just temporarily wounded … not permanently blocked. I shan’t apologize for being an enigma. I dare you to try to follow … any … scheme i concoct! How am I more focused, when my eyes constantly shake? Over 25+ years of astigmatism, I’ve learned to ignore. People can’t see my nerve issues. I’m afraid … they think fake. I don’t shy away from challenges. … instead, I want more! What can I say? I want it allz! … Yep! I’ve got big [metaphorical] ballz! 44

NOT “BORED” … BUT LOST While growing up, I was forbidden from saying I was bored. … My creativity combined with my athleticism to keep me fit. At my catholic high school, I was a scholar-athlete … Lord. Now, I struggle to find exercise, while I sit. I’m nowhere near happy! I think that’s plain to see. There’s only so much I can do! Visitors—regardless of who they are—will fill me with glee! Because of my physical limits, my activity choices are few. When I’m lying down in bed, I do lotsa crunches. When I’m up in my chair, I practice opening my fingers. I ponder cooking some delectable brunches. I try for happy thoughts, … as my romantic loneliness lingers. … Romantically, I feel … quite lost. Apparently, ‘tis the entire female gender I’ve crossed. 45

TAKE NOTE(S) Since my memory’s now so very crappy, … I’ve gotta leave myself many reminders. Weirdo that I am, … I get kinda happy, … When I can recall visiting Boston … all the great “grinders.” … In general, my memory sucks! … I accept that I sound like a broken record. Above all, … you’ve gotta ask yourself one question: … “Is that the real reason I find him absurd?” All in all, I exercise in hopes that, one day, my leg strength will refreshen! Improvement is not just a one time thing! Repetition is paramount, … along with determination. I cannot … will not let my better balance be just a fling! When I’m walking, I look for a landmark to serve as my break station. Just ’cuz my gallbladder lacks bile, … Does not mean I’ll quit. … ‘tis not my style! 46

NUMEROUS HATS Reluctantly, I accept that I carry many roles. Hafta always do the best I can! Unfortunately, my everyday life has multiple holes. There’s still much I wanna do. … but, I’m only one man. One might say my interests are eclectic. … Thus, I am a jack of all trades. Question me, & I’ll prove you wrong through dialectics. It sucks when I’ve gotta use logic to counter my aides. … But, they’ve gotta leeeaaarn … I’m not one to cross. For any & all my decisions, … there’s a definitive reason. For I am the boss. … Defy me, & that’s treason! Businessman, teacher, author, accident victim. My declarations are regarded as dictum. 47

LIVING VICARIOUSLY Since I missed out on so many dreams, … I hafta live a life … vicarious. After my heart was ripped at the seams, … All my social interactions seem rather precarious. Seems counterintuitive … that I’m also gregarious. By conversing with others, I’m tryin’ to develop empathy. … It helps that many peers consider me hilarious. I really struggle to outwardly exude sympathy. When I’m out at a restaurant, I watch others eat. When I see a cute girl, I imagine her kiss. When I’m dropping a load, … I think of a dumb tweet. When I watch wrestling, … I really do miss! Harnessed by a wheelchair, … that’s just ... Not me. There’s so much more I wanna be! 48

I STILL NEED … COMEDY! Although I cannot physically laugh out loud, … There’s a symphony of uproarious guffaws goin’ on in my head. I feel great pride, when I earn chuckles from a crowd. I watch nearly all o’ my television humor from bed. Seein’ others laugh just makes me feel good. … That’s one of the few things I do in which I still excel. Can I make T.B.I.’s funny? Hhhmmm, … I could. I looove to crack jokes, ‘cuz I do that quite well. I can’t help but give a long chuckle … At some o’ my less serious flaws. i.e. I’m not coordinated enough to fasten my belt buckle. … relax! My damaged nerves are the cause. I struggle to see humor in my volatile psyche. … But, I’m more at ease, when I realize my smarts are still high key. 49

DARE TO DENY ME?! I know my goals seem out of reach. But, I do my best work, when the odds of success are low. I’m definitely hearin’ improvements in my speech. Her issues were with her, … ‘cuz I was a fantastic beau! I learn more from a critique than I do from a tout. Y’all mention tough obstacles. Ha! … I would know! Go ahead. It fuels me. Explain your doubt. My [ex] belle’s leaving me was a major psyche-blow. I tend to accomplish things that few people can! I’ve always got a Plan B. It’s just how I think. I can’t help but be … the man. My unparalleled smarts & my non-death: … there’s a link. As much as I do love praise, … It’s others’ criticisms that gimme a [psychological] raise! 50

ENTERTAINMENT I constantly exercise to try to stay kinda fit. I used to know the ins & outs of what’s right to eat. However, there’s only so much I can do, … while I sit. With as much as I do to rehab, … there’s no way I’ll get beat. I watch much television in hopes of producing a laugh. But, I need straaange things to cause humor. … for example, I’m in awe of an appropriate graph. I like to [only] joke that I have a tumor. When I’m surrounded by lotsa people, I just feel better. As long as people aren’t too loud, I’ll try to talk. When I’m walking, I keep my neck straight … like a soccer- header. The sight of my … eventual … walking will cause a gawk. I’ll internally laugh at infinite things. … I’ll outwardly laugh, when my mom thinks she sings. 51

SUPER SOCIAL I’ve always been more comfortable, when I lead … not follow. I excel, when I’m one-on-one or with a group. What’s not interesting is me … in a heavy wallow. If I were a TV show, I’d be … talk soup. It’s not that I’m cocky. … I just need praise! However, I act better with hate. In the end, my constant hard work … pays. It’s tough to converse … in my current state. My primary form of meeting people is to party! Plus, I get to see how others like to have fun. I’ll organize my meals, so I stay hearty. It’s embarrassing, if there’s a party of one. If my life were a frat, I’d be social chair. I’ll tell my G.I. Doc I’ll go swimming … on a dare! 52

WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN’?! It sucks that nobody thinks too much of me. Thus, I just hafta continue to impress. I am [very] unpredictable. You’ll see. … Although, … once I set a goal, I do not digress. I’m seein’ improvements! … just wait. Need I remind y’all that … Rome was not built in a ... day?! … But, I’m laying the foundations for … what will be a monumental estate! Doubt me, will you?! … is that English you say?! … Now you don’t like what I think?! … jeez! If it’s not one, it’s the other! … Hhhmmm. Can I multitask?! My [ex] pigeon-toe I did smother. Wanna know what I’m plannin’ next? … just ask. Bottom line: don’t try to tease me with doubt. … Unfortunately for you, I’ll win & you’ll lose that bout. 53

MAKE DREAMS A REALITY Prove doubters wrong, … that’s just what I do. No matter how bleak it seems, I just do not give up. A smooth exhalation? … that’s my cue. Will I eventually overcome my dead nerves?! … yup! Throughout my rehab, I always maintain hope. … Dreams become hope … with work turns to life. Contrary to your thoughts, I ain’t no dope! My brain & my legs are always in strife. … Patience is essential. I’m workin’ on that. I just need the return of my friends! … I’d really like to test my skills on the wrestling mat! O’er the last few days, … I’m finally sensing the ends! My rehab events have been up & way down. When I beat my T.B.I., … should I wear a crown?! 54

I CAN’T SATISFY … EVERYONE As much as I do … & as hard as I work, … There’ll always be a judge … full of criticism. I brush it aside … & exclaim: “it’s just a quirk!” The way my body parts work, … it’s as if there’s a schism. I should only think … that my brain would know best. It’s tough to distinguish between … good for my head & good for my muscles. … From this dichotomy, I try to base a jest. My legs seem to ignore my constant hustles. I’m aware that my recovery seems bleak. … regardless, I must maintain a high hope! Y’all may harbor an unjust critique. Ignoring others’ putdowns, I … am … no … dope! Most important of all, … you’ve gotta believe! … If you’re pessimistic, … then … just leave! 55

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL Currently, everything’s really tough. But, there is some progress behind the scenes. You’d think I’d get a break. But, it’s the same with all stuff. Keep thinkin’: the end justifies the means. Hey, … if this were easy, then everyone would do it. … now, I’m smiling! … but, I said, hypothetical. I had my opportunity to just quit. … but, I blew it. I’m really left-brained, so I need order. … I prefer alphabetical. This project’s about the final result … not the process. My arms are quite strong, … ‘cuz of compensation. I saw my neural x-ray: whoa, what a mess! Is it wrong of me to think that after my win, I deserve adoration?! To accomplish my goals, ... Must my soul I sell?! … only time will tell. 56





Limerick The limerick is a very structured 5-line poem. Originally, according to Wikipedia, limericks were a bit obscene, but that has changed with the times. So, I may get … just a tad bit raunchy. … but, that’s just ‘cuz I’m ol’ school. The first, second and fifth lines, the longer lines, rhyme. The third and fourth shorter lines rhyme. (A-A-B-B-A).



HERE COME I, A TURKISH FELLA’ On one hand, I’m proud my dad hailed from Turkey. Unfortunately, now, my memory’s quite spotty & murky. Above all, I mustn’t ignore my roots. My parents caused a few attributes. I take pleasure in knowing I’m still really quirky. 61

I WRITE AS A DISTRACTION 24/7, my brain is thinkin’ How much my T.B.I.’s really stinkin’! I’m sure y’all are mumblin’ en masse, “Jeez! What a dumbass!” I smile & nod my head, … as I’m slyly winkin’. 62

OPPOSITES ATTRACT My brain injury’s so, so, sooooo weird, That … all the mental tests I cleared. It’s just that my brain rules over all my muscles with such tyranny! … Is that irony?! … While I ponder that, I’ll go grow a beard. 63

PICK A BRAIN For my first … 23 or so years, I thought almost entirely with my left Brain. Now, there’s a notable neural cleft. But, my inability to understandably talk Makes many a lady ignore me or just balk, … Which leaves my heart bereft. 64

TWIN CITIES I was born in one of Minnesota’s “Twin Cities.” … now, it’s practically a sin, That I have not run in the Minnesota snow. … Jeez! I don’t even know … Just how long it’s been. 65

DISPROVE ALL How did I get so many haters?! … I hafta become one of my activity creators. I hope to at least turn ‘em into doubters. … Hopefully, they’ll eventually become my touters. I used to consider my legs … as traitors. 66

LANGUAGE … SELECTION? Maneuvering my mouth muscles is difficult enough! But, why’s English gotta be so dastardly tough?! When I speak Turkish, it’s unbelievably clear! … But, I forgot all my vocab. So, my father would jeer. So, instead, I work extra hard … to again be buff. 67

MY GOALS ARE … PAST OVERDUE After July 6, 2008, I can’t walk or talk or smell or even taste. I’m startin’ to neeeeed some haste! It’s annoying … that my walking’s got many swerves. I’m hoping that sumthin’ … anything … will awaken my nerves. If I had less ego, I’d feel like a waste. 68

HELP ME … HELP YOU I struggle with many tasks. I’m not that proud. To get stuff done, I’ll plead … nice & loud. Since I’m alive, I have an overabundance of joy … to share. I tutor, teach & employ … to show I … care. … After all this, … I could’ve bowed. 69

WHAT CAN’T I DO?! … The title is facetious, of course. Everything I do … has to be done with force! … I only know one speed, … Which is why, of course, I tend to lead. My early success is my big ego-source. 70

AMBIVALENCE I cannot explain why I’m so often in a … decent mood! Perhaps it’s ‘cuz … some people are not quite as rude. I don’t like to vary my mood according to others’ thoughts! … That ties my heart in knots. My bank account proves I’m kinda shrewd. 71

IT’S NOT ALL THAT GREAT Yes, I dooo get plenty o’ rest. Just bein’ alive makes me feel blessed! It sucks I can’t process eggs. If you listen closely, … y’all can watch me, as my leg begs. Is it strange, that I’ve always enjoyed a test? 72

MAKE THE BEST OF IT My all too literal FALL from grace … Left me in an epic chase … For lucid thoughts, an audible voice & respect. With my accident, my life seems completely wrecked, … But, [ssshhh!] Up my sleeve, I’ve got an ace! 73

I NEEEED MY MEDS Although I do not, technically, eat, My liquid nutrients … absorbed via peg tube … are quite the treat! Relax my muscles, strengthen my bones, stimulate my bowels And prevent me from … counting owls. … All in one sitting? … wow, that’s quite a feat! 74

NEEEED NEW STIMULI Limericks were fun! But, ‘tis time … for sumthin’ new. Fond memories … I only have a few. Gotta meet different folks! If this were Facebook, I’d need some likes. … But, it’s not. … so, I’m putting the onus on you! 75



ABC poem In an ‘ABC’ poem, each line of the poem begins with a letter in the alphabet, starting with ‘A’ and moving in order through ‘Z’.



WAKE UP, LEG NERVES Aerodynamics facts Burst out from watching Canary flight. … Duh! Every Flight’s applicable to my Guarding against Hiccups & stumbles In my strides. … Just … Kidding! Leg Muscles … of mine … Never Obstinately … Punish … Queer, Right … Sided hip … Tendons. That’s … Unquestionably, Very Wonderful & … Xcellent! Yep, I’m just … Zany! 79

MATE WANTED Altan seeks a Beauty, … who’s Confident & Daring, … yet still Elegant. Foremost, she’s Gotta be a Humongous fan of my Ill-timed Jokes! … Kinda Like how My Natural charisma Obstinately Piques Queenies’ Raw Sensual Talents & Unparalleled Vigor. She’ll Wow me with her X-rated, fun-seeking Young heart … that is just … Zany! 80

NOSE OVER TOES Always Bend my Chief hat Down over Every Foot. Genetics Have Instilled In my … Juice. (I have TWO.) Kinda … Leaning My Neck way … Over, Past Quarter length of Roughly … Sixty % of my … Trainer’s height. Unlikely that … Varicose limbs Would … Xerox themselves, ‘cuz that’d be quite strange, … like a Yodeling … Zebra. 81



Couplet In a couplet, two lines of verse rhyme, & form a unit alone … or as part of a poem.



Since my memory’s murky, I try to not let my frustration make me jerky. After countless internal pleads & begs, A.J. finally develops strength in his legs. It does not matter that I’ve now got … a small degree of wealth. For, what’s now atrocious is my health. I used to be known as a stud. Now, my set o’ legs is really a dud. The ride o’ my life I’ve manned. … I have the upper hand! I yearn to swim in my pool. … Ha ha ha! It’s heated, so it’ll be warm … not cool. My rehab’s been awful long. … Nine plus years does not make me wrong. To eeeeease my stress, I cannot drink … any ale. … How’s that for an unfortunate tale?! It took me years to accept that my accident was no one’s fault. No matter how tough my rehab gets, there’s no way I can

halt! … There really is … no one to blame. … I am determined to return my athletic prowess to close to the same. 86

CREEPY COMPANY? Since I love people, I really need a friend. Since I can’t talk, I worry that I’ll be alone at the end. I’d love to give my partner a twirl! … Preferably, that’d be a girl. They’ve got picturesque curves & desirable edges. … Make me wish I were head of a Greek group with tons o’ coed pledges. A constant issue of mine is … feelin’ lonely. No one’s got empathy, … ‘cuz I’m the one & only. Many shmuks are so ignorant, they call me a freak. I shan’t apologize … for being unique. It’s not quite grand … That people fear what they don’t understand. It requires constant work To not seem … quite so berserk. Don’t judge a book … by its cover. I’m just desperately searching for a lover. If I mention the curves of your ass, I’m referring to trigonometry. Trust me: I’m not that crass. 87

Doesn’t she have a spectacular bod?! … Or, am I just really that odd?! What normees don’t really get, … they fear. My nystagmus makes my glare seem like a leer. What must I do to make others realize … That—contrary to my injury name—I’m still quite wise. Despite my being … oddly smart, … I’ve never known anything about art. If metaphors were literal, my head would leak steam. Trust me: I’m nowhere near as bad as I seem. If I’m confronted by an attacker I shan’t & can’t run. … Still, … I’m an army of one. Since my legs are unreliable, I really work each arm. I dream of … just having the potential … to do harm. My side preference is in plain sight. If I want ‘em done well, I do stuff … on my right. I miss … dancin’ … with a girl. While cuttin’ a lil’ rug, I’d give her a twirl. … I miss … eating … by mouth. If only my body could process it … down south! I just don’t understand … Why—after ten years of relaxing—I can’t individually 88

stand. By displaying my incredible skills of mental math, … I am releasing my own [non-violent] wrath. I’m painfully aware of my ardent belief in romance. … I just see no harm in taking a chance. I hate that only a few people know I’m really smart. What I’ve done—despite my T.B.I.—is a work of art. I neeed people. Since I can’t talk, … it takes more to interact. For the last … ~ten years, I’ve been absent of much tact. … Through all this rehab, I’ve shown much progress! By constantly working, … in all likelihood, I won’t regress. Since I have such a unique & tireless brain, In Vegas, I would make it rain! 89